#(hes making a recovery btw tho he has been open that learning how to talk and act have been really difficult so)

[girlbob-boypants]

Sometimes I think about Braham x Hau and do become a little mentally ill

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

Athenas Masterpost

This is going to cover everything Athenas, like the official page and trailer, both new trailers, the art book preview, and some stuff shown in the ign trailers. It’s a lot.

There will NOT be endgame spoilers in this post. If there’s anything that comes up that I want to discuss, you can find it in a spoiler post I’ll be making soon :) I DO discuss a thing that occurs during the first 3 hours of BL3, though I think that’s pretty okay with y’all lol

tl;dr: there’s too much to summarize. 13 days until bl3. lmao im screaming on the inside.

“A misty, tranquil planet that has recently attracted the wrong kind of attention. Athenas is mostly uninhabited, save for a sect of monks known as the Order of the Impending Storm who have made their home in the high peaks of the mountains. What secrets do they guard here, inside ancient walls that were built long before humans set foot on Athenas?”

We definitely got a lot less info for Athenas than the other planets, and I can see why. They want to keep it mysterious.

Also, I’m not saying I totally called it that the pyramid was Eridian, but I totally called it. I am surprised it’s implying that the entire area was built by them, but what can ya do 🤷‍♂️

Anyway, since this post is long overdue, let’s just jump right in!

The Athenas video is nearly half the time of the Eden-6 one, so there’s not a lot to cover unfortunately:

We’ve seen this shot multiple times before

also the emphasis that Athenas is ‘tranquil’ and ‘peaceful’ ahahahaha no it’s not.

i love these dudes! Order of the Impending Storm!!! I wonder if their funky goggle things have anything to do with Sirens, like how they have Siren-trackers. I also really love their outfits. lowkey want one of these robes.

a great overview look of the area leading up to the pyramid. I got more to say about this... but it’s probably best if i leave it for later on in the post after we get more info

also, note the water and the rocks and stuff on the left there. This will come into play later... not even in this post. a later post.

also i totally called this being an ancient aliens reference lol

Vault logo on the flag there. definitely shows how much these guys worship the Vaults

This!!! I have so much to talk about here!

alright so now that we know what the vault keys look like.... this doesn’t appear to be part of any of the Vault Keys we’ve seen. especially not the Promethean one. not even the pyramid shaped one.

im mostly interested in this because this is obviously a monk, her robes match the ones we saw above with the hood. she doesn’t appear to be Eridian because we’ve seen the Watcher and the other Guardians, who are built in the image of the Eridians, and she looks wayyy too human. We’ve also seen statues of the Eridians in that one shot of the Pandora temple.

so it seems like the monks have gone inside the pyramid before and... built this statue? for some reason??? It’s interesting that she has an extra pair of arms as well. I wonder if she is like the Siren ancestor of Amara. which could prove my theory that the next successor of Amara would have another set of arms... it might also explain why Amara’s tattoos are everywhere on the buildings (outside of her being the Tiger)

it would also explain this shot, the skeleton with the book, which we now know we’ve seen before with Maya:

so even though they’re protecting the pyramid/temple, i don’t think they’ve been avoiding it entirely- at least not for the first time after discovering it. maybe they stopped going in after they discovered something bad, somethin like iunno... the Rampagers?

it would be Really Weird if the Eridians built that statue, especially when they probably didn’t know what humans looked like at the time. unless of course they helped shape humanity or smth. meaning they probably personally created Sirens. oh that’d be wild... i wonder if we’re going to learn about how early Sirens shaped humanity in that case. discovering fire could be entirely different lol

“hallowed land” 

i wonder if this is where we’ll have anointed gear explained to us... i imagine the order is still worshipping Eridian/Siren stuff, so them having all sorta knowledge of this stuff would make sense

more Maliwan. you guys notice we see cultists purely on Eden-6 (outside of the crashed ship), but Maliwan purely on Athenas? a mix on Promethea, tho that’s bc we’ve actually gotten gameplay. 

So my guess is Maliwan has joined up with the cult (be it through whatever means: Maliwan is in) and they’re looking for the Promethea key. which makes sense. they’re attacking Rhys on Promethea, so when he helps us out, word probably gets back to Maliwan (somehow) and they swap from wanting to take over Atlas (either by defeating them w/ Zer0/that giant space laser/whatever or just changing priorities) to wanting to open that fuckin Vault. Teaming up with the CoV is the best way to ensure that happens. I’m sure there will oodles of betrayal going on between the two parties.

I LOVE THESE THINGS

THEY’RE AMAZING

GOOD BOYS

in all seriousness, actually, im curious why we don’t see these good boys on Promethea. maybe they’re only for the top-tier squads? (mechanically, probably higher-level enemies) they look super high tech, so i would not be surprised if Maliwan thought Atlas would be an easy takeover so they didn’t send everything they could have

Nog! not much to say here tbqh

“Protect Athenas Before It’s Too Late”

I imagine before Maliwan gets the Vault Key or some other wild power, like power over the Rampagers. seriously, in the We Are Mayhem trailer, there’s a rampager are fighting on the side of Maliwan (altho if this is The One Rampager, or just One of Many is hard to tell. it could morph depending on which element it is. we just don’t know. personally i think there’s 1 per planet... i’ll explain later)

From the Art Book Preview:

Alright yes. “Maliwan forces have already seized control of the monastery, where part of the Promethean Vault Key has been located, turning a simply recovery mission into a vicious firefight...... A large and foreboding crypt built into the side of the mountain was also designed, and might perhaps have housed the Vault Key fragment deep within its gloomy interiors”

i don’t think this means the crypt is like an actual area. it would be interesting to discover that the pyramid is a giant crypt because... jesus. it would fit with the whole pyramid theme, at least. altho im wondering if this is more like a labyrinth situation where they’re trying to keep a Rampager inside as well as the treasure... which MAY be a Vault Key Fragment

Actually, this brings up a great point: did Atlas spread the Vault Key out throughout the planets? Is this where Typhon originally found that Key fragment? wtf was in the Vault that Atlas needed to disassemble the Key and return its fragments? oh boy i hope it’s something scary

From the Moze Eden-6 E3 Gameplay:

oh ye this. okay so this is definitely 100% Eridian. I’m guessing we get this from Athenas because this seems like a fairly important object and, well, Athenas is all about Eridian stuff. When we go through the next few videos, keep an eye out for the temples. You’ll see the glowing red diamond shape constantly reappearing there.

one of the devs admitted that there are hunks of Eridian Writing left around the world that will ‘open up’ things for the players, so I imagine this is exactly what we’ll use to get to it. If this IS only for endgame stuff I’ll be slightly disappointed. I know we have access to this before Eden-6, since there are gameplay videos that show the player breaking the Eridium chunks with this thing. the above one is from the Moze Eden-6 gameplay, tho I’ve also seen newer footage from the Balex gameplay with this same tool

The following clips can be found in this video:

im mostly interested in the wall art here

what looks like a sun or a planet

this symbol which makes an appearance elsewhere

these two are the same area, im imagining this is the fight up to the pyramid, with Maliwan forces and barricades everywhere

the sun again in the background (middle top)

this cool piece (bottom left of the above pic) which looks like a hand covered in glowing blue. i imagine this is some sorta representation of Phaselock? mainly because of the blue orb in the palm of her hand

not much to say about this area tbh. looks like a residential area to me, so possibly not in the residential district

writing on the top mid-right. 

idk why i just noticed these trees are green and not red but yeah, that’s interesting. so probably a different area from Amara’s trailer aka: not Partali

and yet we see amara’s tattoos on the building in the back right. sorry for such terrible quality btw, tumblr ate these images and spit them back out

These clips can be found in the Borderlands are Yours trailer:

looks like the small building we see directly next to Maya and Ava

altho very clearly not the same exact area so im curious what these are supposed to represent. tbh im kinda reminded of graveyards. i really hope there aren’t corpses in those omg

another better look at the two pieces of art. i imagine the one on the right has something to do with the eridians given its in a diamond shape, which we know has something to do with the eridians now

also im not playing amara first (possibly last. depending on how i feel fl4k may go last) but HOLY SHIT her action skills are beautiful

THIS FUCKER

i know he’s probably a vault monster but like... 

idk i feel its kinda sad gearbox is showing off a VAULT MONSTER of all things in so much promo material. like why is he fighting with Maliwan/the cult in the We are Mayhem trailer??

sup with that?

does he have multiple stages?? is that’s why he changes elements? goes from two heads to wings to extended necks. like wtf is up with this guy?? he definitely looks like he can be elementally charged given his eye sockets aren’t glowing when he emerges like they do

here but then

this dude looks like he has an entirely different skull like...

this dude is a corrosive one who also seems to be working with Maya (who i guess IS probably the corrosive aligned siren)

and we’re guessing the nuclear charged one is the one from Athenas... for reasons i’ll explain below

AND honestly i've been thinking and maybe the fire one is actually from Promethea? and maybe there’s another that’s on Eden-6 and another on Pandora?

alright so i have 2 reasons for this. one involves spoiler talk with the cloth map, so that won’t be discussed here (but if you see the map and the planets, you’ll understand what i’m alluding to here, most likely). the other is that in this screenshot of all the quests from the Eden-6 demo:

we see immediately after “hostile takeover” is the quest “the impending storm”. which is, indeedy, a reference to the Order of the Impending Storm. We know they’re on Athenas, so I imagine we run over to Athenas to get part of the Vault Key. We’ve established from the art book that’s where it is.

but then after The Impending Storm, Space-Laser Tag (which we all know is that giant-ass laser thing in the asteroid belt), and Atlas, at Last, there’s a quest called Beneath the Meridian.

And we know this area... is definitely underground. we’ve seen with the fire-y boy that the ceiling is just rocks

then we see this shot with the nuclear (?) one where the window outside is clearly showing off mountains/sky, which we know is kinda Athenas’s deal

and we know these two areas are the same v ^

since there’s the same ‘Vault’ in the background

so my only problem with this entire theory that there’s multiple rampagers is that

we see the twins killing/absorbing the red/fire one’s power which is also on athenas since the background is the same as the vault area from the above two pictures. unless there’s a similar vault-thing on promethea and eden-6. we know there’s one on Pandora, but that one is outside so.

so i guess they are the same beasty boy but... why why why show us one of the vault monsters

it’s so cool going in blind and not knowing what you’re going to get out of it.

so im going to say this is a minor vault monster (especially given it’s not exactly the same rock-like design as the other vault monsters) and the ‘vaults’ are actually something smaller. maybe they hold keys, or the pieces of the keys, or they’re part of that teleportation network i keep talking about (and i guess i should just make a seperate post about it) but i don’t know if these are actual Big Boy Vaults. especially when the Rampager doesn’t match actual Eridian-created Vault Monsters

that said given we see a bunch of dead guardians on the floor, its possible the rampager killed them? but i get the feeling we might actually be the ones to pull the trigger cause... combat is fun

so. yeah. if the rampager is guarding something that’s fine. i wanna believe teleportation network. i’d love to see the twins come in, walk out of that vault, absorb the rampager’s powers, and then walk out after locking us in like ‘peace’ and we have to use the teleportation system to make it back to promethea with the vault key fragment or whatever

[im here after the cloth map reveal like... uh huh. i see. u dumb bitchard.]

idk i just thought this was a fun screenshot lol

BoRdErLaNdS

ah yes

that’s eridium

this also appears to be in the temple, but, like, again if there’s more than one temple this could also be on Pandora or even Eden-6. Kinda leaning towards Pandora. HOWEVER since we only know for certain this sort of temple area is on Athenas (from that one statue shot), we’re gonna analyze this bad boy right now (also lowkey think this is Pandora because of the varkid nests but shhh)

what do i actually have to say about it? uhhh not much tbh. i think i’ve said all that needs to be said concerning the twins mutating cultists with slag/eridium. 

i will say im pretty shocked at, like, the eridium HORNS and shit. so maybe this is just some cool little miniboss. (okay not mini because look how big he’s gotten!! just like Bloodwing :D)

you know what, it looks like he’s standing on one of these

floor tile things, and now im super curious. is the fire part of a trap? is it powering this lad up? i definitely know he’s a cultist because he’s got the neon light tubes on his shoulder pad

see here

you can see these on other cultists like goliaths and such and such

also this is pretty similar to what we’ve seen in the LLE (especially the powersuits) given their bodies also form eridium crystals when they’ve ascended

i feel like its powering him up

you know during the fight with bloodwing when Jack powers up bloodwing using the elemental flamethrower things? would be interesting if this is similar to that.

like dis

yeahhh

the radiation boy is back and he’s actually elementally charged this time

huzzah

also i love the chest mouth lmao

has anyone here seen stretch armstrong? like that one episode where Gabe (crostini man) gets turned into a bunch of flexarium monster chunks

but yeah, awesome mouth my guy.

im curious if it’s being elementally charged to cryo or if it’s stopped being charged. if this is like a cutscene between different stages in the fight, etc etc. 

this also looks fairly similar to this area here

but red this time. which... may tie into the elemental stages. which maaaaay tie into those floor platforms elementally charging that demon baby up above. bloodwing 2.0!

You can find the following clips in the Official Guide to the Borderlands:

god i keep telling myself to be on the lookout for athenas clips but i get so distracted by the gorgeousness of this fucking game i forget and have to keep going back

if that dude in the back floating was t-posing i would have lost my shit

new Siren tattoos!!! we haven’t seen these before. they’re very flowy, i love them. i hope we get to meet the siren with them!

i also loooooove this area in the back. i hope we get to climb it and explore. i would love to just be able to climb to high up areas in bl3 and look down and see the area i just came from. it’s possible! we have the technology! thousand cuts / bnk3r ascension 2.0!!!

more of amara’s awesome looking powers

zane has 2 trans pride skins im so happy 😄

also look at how teeny tiny that ‘Vault’ is in the back!!! it’s only like 2x the size of Iron Bear!!! gimme BIG vaults!! GIANT VAULTS

also also

the VOID vault

i get a feeling these are connected somehow.

sniper spoooot

not much to say about this tbh. zane’s claw things look fucking dope tho. i want one irl.

we’ve seen this shot a few times before already

alright before you get mad, let me explain why i think this is athenas

you see this picture

this maliwan jackass. the building to his left is 100% athenas architecture.

the rocks in the top picture look identical to the ones next to him. plus we’ve seen water in the distance of some of the areas of Athenas

it could also be Eden-6 (which honestly i would not be surprised if it is instead) but given the ivy and the rocks i felt it was worthwhile to put in. plus the moving eridian structures are so cool looking. i feel like that’s going to be a puzzle.

oh oh also

maybe that area leads into/exits from here? because they’re both underground in cavern-like areas

but like... it could also be eden-6... because of that one shot of the temple area in the side of the cliff ASDFHDGJFJGFHSD

still radiation charged. 

also seriously this ‘Vault’ is wayyyy smaller than a regular Vault. like... the one in BL2 that you can walk right up to... huge. and nothing even comes out of it. the Warrior climbs up from over the edge

the bl1 is much bigger than this one, too. also the vault of the traveller, i would argue is the biggest out of all of them but eh

for the Vault of the Sentinel, the actual arch we see... i’ve already gone over why i don’t think that’s a ‘real’ vault and that its all more of a simulation, but you can read that whole thing here bc i am trying my damndest to not get off topic for this post because holy fucking shit. this got long.

Alright so. Onto the website pictures

another cool shot of the academic district, really showing off the pyramid in the background. god i wanna know what that is. could be the temple (underground things notwithstanding). it’s probably holding that statue with the vault keys in either arm

you know the one, it’s at the beginning of this post. but damn that thing is huge!! i am hoping it holds more than just the promethean vault key. 

did i already talk about how there are siren tattoos written along the edges of this area??? because... damn.

also the symbol for what is probably Vault Key sitting right smack dab in the middle??

also sorry i just noticed those blue shapes are moving. like a fountain or something?? weird light.

i mean... the trees are also warping in the background. wonder wtf is going on here... 

anyway whatever she’s holding actually doesn’t match up with any of the vault keys we’ve seen so... wtf are you???

a very nice shot overlooking the water. also a wind turbine in the background. i think the area on the left is where we’ve seen ava and maya? but dont hold me to that lol

definitely looks the same. even has the tree

another shot of that area i think we’ve seen Amara fighting in

big shot of the pyramid with the vault symbol everywhere. and the planet with the beams coming out of it. which in retrospect...

anyway that’s spoiler talk so let’s talk in another post.

another shot of athenas from a slightly different angle, we’ve seen this one before, too, and i remember because i complemented the road signs

annnnd im tired. good night everybody.

[notesofarichlycolorednight]

but like if Diana was suddenly Alive, how would she react to Luke and Tori's relationship, both pre-war and during it?

hey, thanks for being so patient with me on this!

i had to flesh Diana’s character out a little more so i could get inside her head and think of how she might respond to Tori’s relationship with Luke

so without further ado, hcs below!

so Diana is suddenly just…like Alive, prolly the year that Percy comes to camp, let’s say (which means that Luke has already stolen the lightning bolt and helm of darkness, but it’s like mid-january, just for timeline reference)

she wakes up in a hospital, the doctors say she came out of a coma but she’s pretty sure she died

she can’t remember where she was during the interim, and the doctors can’t recall how she ended up in the hospital or who was even paying for her to remain on life-support for so long

whenever she asks, they stutter a response before going completely silent and getting a glazed look in their eyes for a few moments only to come out of it, smile, and change the subject

she’s discharged from the hospital after a abt a week (idk if that’s even realistic lol) of monitoring and recovery

and as she’s getting dressed, a million thoughts race through her head abt if she still has a place to live, if she has a hospital bill that will kill her again, where her children are

and once that thought pops into her head, that’s all she can think abt

so even with all those other worries she finishes dressing and jumps off the bed, heading straight to the front counter to check out

but she pauses when she sees a familiar-looking man flirting with the nurse at the desk

she wants to confront him immediately, but doesn’t want to look crazed in front of the nurse so she shoves him out of the way, interrupting their flirting session

“i’m Diana Williams, checking out, is there anything i need to do? sign?”

the nurse is miffed and has enough dignity to look ashamed for ignoring Diana before grabbing a clipboard and pen for Diana to sign, explaining info abt bills and the like

Diana can barely hear, she scans the paper and signs before handing the clipboard and pen back to the nurse

she turns to face the man then

it’s Apollo if you haven’t figured it out yet

he’s abt her age, with brown skin and hazel eyes, short curly brown hair but she knows its him, she’d be able to tell from a mile away

he opens his mouth to say smth, but she grabs his arm and pulls him outside

“where are my children?”

flashing sideways to Tori, she’s at camp, totally oblivious to what’s just happened, as is Dan (still not claimed btw)

the next day they’re called to the big house before breakfast with no explanation

Diana is waiting with Chiron, in his wheelchair form, in the front room

Diana’s always been good at making friends, so she’s chatting with Chiron easily and honestly he’s more uncomfortable abt this whole situation than Diana

the doors swings open and Dan comes in first, quickly followed by Tori

they both pause when they see their mom and Diana stands, flattening the wrinkles in her dress and smiling nervously at her children

Dan rushes forward and pulls her into a hug, tears flooding his eyes

Tori is still frozen at the door, afraid this is some cruel dream or hallucination

when Dan is done hugging Diana, he pulls back, keeping one of her hands in his and turns to face Tori, who is still frozen at the door

Diana smiles softly and holds out her free hand, and like two magnets, Tori’s hand raises and she slowly approaches Diana

when their hands meet, Tori breaks down into tears and Diana rushes forward to throw her arms around her daughter as they both sink to the floor

it’s harder for Tori than it is for Dan, bc she was there when their mom died

Tori is afraid to let go of Diana’s hand or lose sight of her bc she’s so afraid Diana might just disappear, revealing that this was indeed some weird dream or hallucination

they settle into the front room of the big house and talk to Chiron abt this whole situation

he knows as much as Diana, which is not much and the gods sure as hell aren’t saying anything

when Chiron brings up the fact that they could just be summer campers, Tori hesitates and Diana notices

Dan looks away, annoyed but doesn’t say anything as Diana asks Tori what’s wrong

Tori blushes and looks away but doesn’t say anything

Chiron excuses himself and asks Dan to accompany him to whatever task he’s just made up. Dan goes reluctantly

Diana takes Tori’s hands into hers and says, “someone special?”

despite how much fear fills her that she’s going to blink and Diana’s going to disappear, it’s amazing how easy it is for Tori to fall back into this relationship with her mom

“his name is Luke.” Tori mumbles. “i don’t even know if he likes me back, but…well we’ve grown close you know over…well, over sh-shared pain”

Diana doesn’t meet him then bc everything is still settling, with her being Alive again and all

Diana reluctantly goes home, but promises to IM them that night and tomorrow (Apollo’s provided her with some drachmas)

Tori’s claimed that night bc Apollo got a stern talking to after Diana found out he hadn’t claimed her yet

but Tori sneaks over to the Hermes cabin that night to talk to Luke abt this whole ordeal

he’s not sure what to think, honestly, but some small part of him is afraid he’ll lose her now that her mom is back. and it’s stupid and irrational, but he can’t help but feel that way

but he lets Tori decide if she wants to go home until the summer (she ends up deciding to stay bc she knows smth is up with Luke)

Dan leaves for home

Diana IMs Tori any chance she can get thru those months leading up to summer

bc of his irrational fears of losing Tori, Luke confesses his love for Tori sooner, when summer begins (rather than right before he leaves for Kronos’ cruise ship)

so when Diana visits to drop Dan off for the summer session, Luke meets Diana

tbh, Diana’s shocked when she sees Tori holding hands with a white boy but she hides it behind a smile as Tori and Luke walk down half-blood hill, outside the barrier

Luke is nervous af but he also hides it behind a smile

Dan says goodbye to his mom before heading up the hill, not wanting to be there for the meeting

Diana and Luke shake hands

she looks at Tori and says, “oh, he’s quite handsome for a white boy”

Tori stares at her mom and Luke jumps like he’s been shocked before his entire neck and face go red

“oh, and he’s sensitive too, that’s good” (and she means it; i’m not trying to make it sound like some kind of jab to his masculinity or whatever)

when it’s revealed that Luke was the lightning thief and he goes off to kronos’ cruise ship, leaving Tori at camp, Tori goes home for that winter

of course she tells Diana everything and Diana just wants to tell her that he’s trouble and Tori shouldn’t be with him anymore

but Diana can also see how heart-broken she is and doesn’t want to make it worse

until Tori decides she’s going to go find him and convince him to come back to camp that next summer

“you can’t save those who don’t want to be saved”

“you don’t know that he doesn’t! i have to at least try! i owe him that much”

Diana can tell how much Tori loves Luke, and she’d hate to take such a thing away from her, but Diana’s scared that Luke is going to get Tori hurt, right after they got each other back

she wants to tell Tori that sometimes love is just like that

she loved Apollo, still does, but had to let him go bc he’s a god

they have a bit of a falling out right before Tori goes to find Luke bc of this

Diana tries IM-ing Tori while she’s on the cruise ship but they aren’t going thru and Diana starts to worry

she contacts camp but Tantalus and Mr. D are no help; the only thing she can do is talk to Dan

she feels utterly helpless so she starts praying to Apollo; she’s not sure what good it will do, but she does it anyway bc all she wants is for her children to be safe

Tori IMs Diana when she decides that she can’t stay on the ship, and that maybe Luke doesn’t want to be saved after all

she’s sobbing as she tells her mom this, and although Diana is relieved to hear that Tori’s coming back, she comforts her daughter and avoids any “i told you so’s”

but then Tori is stabbed by Kelli

Diana finds out bc Tori IMs her the night that Luke trades his life for Tori’s

when Diana learns this, the cold realization dawns on her that this isn’t some summer fling that she’s seen all her friends have before

it’s not even akin to what she and Apollo share

Tori and Luke’s love for each other goes far deeper and is the type of love that can’t be expressed with words

and when she realizes this, dread fills her entire body and she feels the most helpless since this whole ordeal began

Apollo’s told her abt loves like those in greek mythology; during their late-night talks when they were together

but she never imagined one of her own children would have found smth like that; it’s almost cruel bc greek myths rarely had happy endings and she’s afraid that smth may happen to her daughter

she can’t sleep for days afterward, IM-ing Tori as much as possible just to see her tho she doesn’t know what to say

Diana knows now that there’s no convincing her daughter to come back home or to give up on Luke

she continues to pray to Apollo

one day, tired of feeling helpless she IMs Luke and to her surprise he answers

she’s angry as soon as she sees him, but she doesn’t precisely know why bc he saved her daughter’s life–his love is strong for Tori and that should mean smth to Diana, but it only makes her angrier

tears fill her eyes as she spits out, “you swear on the styx you will protect my daughter, no matter what, do you understand? you are not to let any harm come to her”

and bc he loves Tori, Luke swears

she hates him after that point, but she loves her daughter more

and as long as Luke keeps his promise, then there isn’t much else Diana can do

Tori makes sure not to tell Diana any details abt what goes on as the war ramps up

some small part of Diana wonders how Tori could love someone such as Luke

but she also wonders if she could ever fall in love like that and with someone like Luke--can she really blame Tori?

Tori goes home after the summer that tbol takes place and Diana is there with open arms, esp bc Tori is devastated that she’s lost Luke

some part of Diana feels like its her fault bc she made Luke swear on the styx to protect Tori

but another part knows that Luke would have with or without her prompting; she’d done it bc it was the only thing she felt she could control at the time

Diana avoids talking abt Luke too much, just lets Tori vent as much as she needs

being home allows Tori a much-needed break, and Diana tries to encourage Tori to find the strength to keep fighting (heavily implying Tori needs to find the strength to move on from Luke)

Diana tries to stop Tori from going back to camp that next year bc a war is coming, but Tori feels she’s responsible for letting it get that far and Diana doesn’t argue despite being scared sick that Tori may die

she begins to pray to Apollo again bc both Tori and Dan feel obligated to help chb in some way during the war

when it’s all over and Luke dies, some part of Diana is relieved

but seeing how badly Tori takes it evokes that same anger toward Luke

Tori clearly deeply loved him but with him gone, he broke her heart and his promise

and Diana resents him for that

some small part of her wishes that Tori had never fallen in love with him in the first place

he was nothing but trouble

well, almost

bc it was clear that he made Tori happy

and Diana wishes nothing more than for her children to be happy

i hope that’s kind of what you were looking for

thanks for sending this in!! ^_^

FEED ME SEYMOUR

[srlkiller]

today was a lot. i had a 1on1 therapy thing that was supposed to be like an INTRO TO UR RECOVERY WOO!!! LETS GET UR MENTAL HEALTH IN CONTROL!!! But instead it turned into me having 4 panic attacks constantly crying while venting to a social worker in a room w no air con for 2 hours about ‘how my month has been’ and ‘why i haven’t been attending any of my group therapy?’ well sue sweetie.. u asked me…n boy did i give u the answer ur career as a social worker has been WAITING 4!! then i got my 1st covid shot & briefly spoke to my doctor who was rude asf so i was like ok today fucked. Centrelink also called me and told me wrong info which fucked me over. then i see my dad calling and im like OFC HE IS!!massive fight as per n he hangs up but then continues via text bc hes petty asf.

BUT not as petty as my mom bc that is literally how the fight started. bc of her. like this bitch omg. she purposely runs off to my dad and tells him every little thing i do ‘wrong’ bc she knows his temper and how afraid i am of him due to past events so she uses him to basically do her dirty work for her n ‘scare me’. like that’s how manipulative and fucked up she is in the head. she made up a whole ass lie and told my dad that i said to my mom the only reason i was trying to stay in contact with my dad was so that i remain in his will as like the sole beneficiary or whatever….. how sick and twisted must you be to lie to someone directly in their face about something so serious INVOLVING UR OWN CHILD that you share with that person????? i would NEVER! say that about my dad. EVER. this happened months ago btw. as soon as i spoke about it w my dad and i was like “what.. dad i would never say that you know i don’t give a fuck about money like that i don’t care about your will why would i even be thinking about your will?” he was like wait actually that’s fucked up ur right. It was actually HER who made that comment. she got my dad to go and fix fencing at my nans house for free (using him) n my dad mentioned he had a girlfriend. my mum came home & SAID TO ME “u better hurry up and get in ur dads good books now that he has a gf.. before she gets a hold of his will and u end up w nothing” and i simply told her that my dad would never take me off his will regardless so why say that to me. once she got exposed she backtracked and was like “oh it was just a joke” & both my dad and I were both saying that even as a joke how is that funny? how does your mind even start to think in that way? how is this funny to you? then she flips it. her scripts are so repetitive now that ive caught on that i can actually predict what she’s gonna say before she opens her mouth. she manipulates u into thinking ur reality isn’t correct.. saying things like “ omg ur over reacting lol ur so dramatic no wonder no one takes u seriously in life, grow up, i have no idea what ur going on about, have u taken ur medication for the day, have u lost it, are u high on something?” like what in the fuck?

i never once mentioned anything about anyones will.. when i was younger i made the mistake obviously of telling her that my dad was leaving me his house. when my nans will was getting exposed she became overly obsessed w wills in general and changed hers. im guessing behind my back she has actually taken me off now but i don’t want her dirty ass money which is stolen from my accounts anyway. my nan left all her grandchildren a large sum of money that was supposed to be equally split among us, its now been over a year since my nan passed & i noticed a group text come up on my moms phone from her sisters talking about what they did for their children with that money. one of them paid off their entire hex debt so it must be a substantial amount. i have not seen a cent which means she has taken it for herself, put it in her name and placed it into a secret account without my knowledge. if it’s as much $ as i believe it is, this could seriously help me move out and better my situation which she constantly tells me she wants me to get the fuck out ect. yet you are holding the key to the door in ur hand? that’s twisted and very sick. they fought for a year over my nans money and all i asked for was an old XXXX gold stubby holder that was my grandads bc it was very sentimental to me. instead, they chose to have a garage sale and sold all of my nans things and sold that stubby holder to a random person for 20 cents………. i was in shock when i found out.. and they laughed and were like get over it omg it’s just a stubby holder you can just buy another one. these people are so fucked up but they all made me feel like i was losing my mind my whole life. money isn’t shit without sentiment. i could have given you 20 cents if you need that shit so bad. im only attached partially to these evil ass roaches by some genetics but to me none of them are my family. not once have i ever felt cared for, loved, accepted, safe or happy in their presence. i am only ever wanted when they can gain something from me. that is not family. my grandad was big on family n my nan and my grandad are the only two people i claim as family from my moms side. my nans two blind siblings who i admired & adored + a few of my grandads siblings were the only ones who actually showed interest in getting to know me & didn’t look down on me in any way. i was never considered ‘less than’ or not good enough yet i was the family disappointment to my mom and her sisters. but they have never seen her like i see her. the way she acts in front of family is not the person i know. she’s very good at acting. the way she pretends to be a ‘mother’ in front of her own family is actually scary. she’s like the ultimate con artist except she’s too fucking dumb to actually scam people and get rich off of her ability to manipulate whoever she wants. what a shame ur not intelligent.. that sure must suck huh. my nan gave me that maternal love i never had from my mother and my grandad was always that man who held us all together as a unit. when he got sick everything changed and started to go down hill. they had to give up their entire property, his big beautiful garden and vegetables he was really passionate about, the horses and land ect. my nan planted a rose bush and it grew big and blossomed big red roses and she said this is for you, my little rachel rose 🌹 🥺 she said she wanted to take the whole ass bush w her and replant it 😂 but my grandad was like we are not taking a fucking huge ass rose bush w thorns in the car w us Gloria.. i only remembered this today during that therapy session and i hyperventilated so bad n just started crying.. bc i couldn’t believe my brain had blocked that memory for so long just to recover it now that she’s no longer here to share it with.

i can feel the love my dad has for me even when he’s temperamental.. you can see it in his face and his eyes. when i look at my mom i try desperately to find some sort of just fucking anything and… i see nothing. i can tell that she doesn’t feel anything. but she does for other children. just not me. so i know she isn’t a heartless bitch and is capable of emotions of all sorts.. but anything to do with me it’s almost like im invisible or she cannot see fault in her self. she cannot in any way accept anything she has ever done, she has never said the words ‘I’m sorry’ for anything ever in life involving me, she has stood by (literally stood and watched) while her own sisters verbally abused me as a minor calling me out my name AND one even texted my best friend at the time who was about 14 saying that i was a bitch. meaning my mom gave my aunt my friends number to text that message.. my friends mom was livid about this bc what grown ass woman texts a random 14 year old girl paragraphs of shit like that swearing at them and saying that their friend is a rude ungrateful bitch. her mom reacted as a mother should. as i would love my mother to stick up for me just once in life.. u kno.. ever? i still remember my first SUI attempt at like 16 after being abused and this person told me they were leaving and coming back so i had about a 10 min window of time and i panicked as any 16 young girl home alone would.. i called my mom for help bc ur parents are supposed to protect you. her wording was “well what did u do to make him hit you?” “you know that you deserved that”. i was in disbelief that she would react like that.. she was talking so calmly while i was crying hysterically having a panic attack telling her this man was coming back in 10 mins asking her to please help me.. and all she could say was.. “you probably deserved it”. ive never been the same since then tbh. im not blessed enough to be a parent yet, i may never be.. but i know for a fucking FACT that i would NEVER say any of the shit that she says to me to ANY child let alone MY OWN?!?

you had me at 36 years old. you had time to think about this and evaluate whether you thought you would be able to care for a child and make a good parent. If you “didn’t want to deal with me” then you had other options.. you could have sent me to foster care, you could have adopted me out, you could aborted me, shidddd you could have mf swallowed me bitch let’s be real. no, you chose to have a child. there’s no 18 year contract.. she loves to play that card. “UR AN ADULT NOW”, what about me makes me an adult, my age makes me an adult to you? yet you’ve kept me so childlike, so codependent & haven’t taught me basic life skills despite me asking to learn. like im deadass watching YouTube videos to teach myself basic ass life skills… that is sad as fuck. when im 48… guess what??? i am still your child and unfortunately for me!! you are STILL my parent. there’s no changing that bc you made that choice. you can’t just b like yeah i change my mind nvm i want to return it…… like that is really her attitude. i was born with a lot of health issues that have escalated a lot and only continue to get worse with age both mental and physical. guess what tho… if ur child is born with defects u don’t get to just b like omg ew i don’t want it now this one’s too difficult. like trust me.. if i was one of those lil sperm rn i am not about to fertilise u for NOTHING if this is the consequence I’d rather jus keep on swimming lmao.

[entriesfromangels]

Journal Entry (#18) ~

Hello 👋🏼

So it’s already been a week since I’ve been home in Texas.

So far everything has been good. I’ve been working on my workbooks and doing my video diaries at the end of the day.

I have had moments of my thoughts taking over, more specifically with my relationship. Like... being committed to someone while also having to work on my mental health is really hard. He is also dealing with his own stress and I always go into this mode of trying to help, when it just adds on to the problem instead of actually helping (need to write that down btw). I’m realizing specific quirks that I have been doing for years. I’m noticing how unhelpful it is and unhealthy. My friends, my bf and my family have noticed these patterns and I’m just now realizing it. It was hard for me to accept but it’s something I have to work on.

Since I’ve been dating my bf, I’ve become more and more comfy with talking to him about my mental health. Opening up to him about how I’m doing, how it’s making me feel and the things I’m realizing is really good for me. I never really dated anyone who makes me feel open enough to talk about it. He just makes it easy.

We do have our moments when difficult situations occur but I’m still learning how he handles things. Usually when something happens, he says what’s bothering him and I say what’s bothering me and we move on from there. Since I’ve been home, there is the added difficulty of not physically being with him. Idk what his tone is or his facial expression. So dealing with difficult situations just makes it harder. I know I’ll be home soon and I truly hope that he will be happy to welcome me back.

I just have to continue working to move pass my bpd. It is possible and I know I can do it. I’ve been working so hard to grasp these revelations I’ve had and learning how to handle certain situations. I understand the things I have to work on and have the “tools” to do so.

One of the things I’ve grasped is waking up every morning with a grateful heart. Telling myself that no matter what challenges the day may bring, I will continue to have a smile on my face and hopefulness in my heart. I’ve been doing that every morning and I’ve had this ease to myself that I haven’t felt in a while.

Even though it was a little hard dealing with my bf and his stresses with school, trying to help (even tho it didn’t really), doing my best to be there for him... I handled it the best way I could and I’m still learning. What he wants the most is for me to be there for him, hear him out when he is stressed or hurting, don’t try to fix the problem, don’t make it about you and just BE THERE for him and make him smile. It won’t take the problem away or fix what he is feeling but it just makes it easier for him knowing he has me to be there for him.

I’m noticing that is another issue I have to deal with. Me trying to fix problems and find solutions to things that really can’t be helped. I’m not a miracle worker and I have to understand that. He doesn’t love me because of what I can help him with. He loves me for ME. Ya know?

Plus, in the past when I would do this, people would take advantage of my kindness and treat me shitty when I wasn’t able to help. I know the people in my life currently aren’t like that but it is a disadvantage when I try too hard to make things better for others. Sometimes they just want support and someone to lean on. I wanna be that for him and I just have to understand that I can’t fix everything and that’s OKAY.

As each day passes, I’m learning more about my bpd, different techniques to work on and the negative patterns I have and how to change them into positive ones. It’s really difficult realizing what you’ve been doing for years but it’s so relieving once you know what it is and how to move past it.

I even found my old recovery/positivity journal and I’m going to take it back home. It’s just a binder full of resources and some old stuff I put in there when I was 17. I made it after I got out of treatment and it has helped. So I can’t wait to get creative with it and put all my mental health notes into one binder. It’s a really good feeling ^_^

But these days I’ve been good. Even tho I had some moments, we all have them. We aren’t perfect. I just have to work on them, like I have been, and learn positive solutions. The main thing I’m working on is my bpd workbook; I found another one that I’m going to buy also. I also am focused on working on the things that trigger me.

Yesterday was a triggering moment for me and which is why I cried. It was nothing my bf said or did, it just put me back into a place where I was reminded of past experiences and it just set me off. I started making a list of my triggers and whenever something happens again, I’ll know the trigger and how to handle it. I’m also teaching myself about emotional intelligence.

Just so many things I’m working on that I’m just happy to be moving in a positive direction 🙂