#(he can leave when ovi retires though. otherwise we run the risk of them making him captain. can't have that.

[dvar-trek]

if you could like, claw machine lift one hockey boy from any team to any other team who would it be and why

ohhhhhhhhh my god this is the best question i have ever been asked and i'm frothing at the mouth i'm so fucking excited to answer it. okay. okay.

please understand in advance that this is almost entirely due to how fun/funny this would be TO ME.

i want connor mcdavid on the washington capitals.

listen. listen. okay, so as you know, connor mcdavid is the best active hockey player in the world (there are very few reasonable arguments otherwise). he has also been carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders since he was like five years old, and plays for a team that is sosososo cursed (wayne gretzky laid a curse deep upon the bones of the earth of edmonton when he left). and also he lives in that cursed monochrome house that you hate. tragic little man.

he loves to be pushed around (physically) (affectionately) by his teammates and he loves to be chirped (ribbed) by his teammates because it makes him feel like they see him as "one of the guys".

AND SO, i think it would be sooooo good and fun for him to be on the washington capitals. the captain is ovi (greatest goal scorer in the world, enormous, exhuberantly affectionate, has carried the weight of being The Greatest on a very cursed team, has been villified by the media (for ??? having? fun? how very dare he)). so first of all, he will have a captain who Gets It, and who is always making sure that everyone is having fun, experiencing the full force of his joy, and staying silly with it. second of all, everyone on the caps is already used to playing with a living legend. they will very quickly become comfortable treating connor mcdavid like one of the guys. the caps also already have a player named connor mcmicheal, who they call "the best connor mc- in the league" and so they can start calling mcdavid "the second-best connor mc- in the league" and i think he will find this Highly enriching.

as you also know (i think), the caps loooove to push each other around, have the horniest pre-game rituals in the league (all the spanking videos are this team), and just sort of generally cannot fucking stop touching each other. very much a team that is like "We FUCKING Love Each Other." and you're like oh, they actually clearly really mean that. so it will also be really good for him to have an entire team of horny affectionate freaks to push him around.

bonuses: 1. he will get more sunshine in DC than in edmonton (every hockey needs this). 2. he will still of course be in the spotlight, but will be away from the Full Force of canadian hockey media.

minuses: his ex (homoerotic codependent teenage best friend) is on the capitals, and is one of my most beloved little guys. i don't want my little guy to have to deal with all that. it will, however, be very entertaining for all of us.

IN CONCLUSION, pleasepleaswplrwse let me put connor mcdavid on the capitals. for! the! bit!!!!