#(hawkeye is mad on his own merits though)

[variousqueerthings]

BJ really took the time to threaten the doctor about to operate on his hand (the thing his whole livelihood depends on) because he made a (as you say @mashbrainrot) very deserved comment about Hawkeye being overbearing and making bad decisions about who ought to be in charge of BJ’s care, and you the audience member sit there going “did you need that buddy??? did you need to exert some of your “my job is to protect Hawkeye” energy into the room after a whole episode of feeling like The Worst Thing In The World is for Hawkeye to care for you in return??? do you feel better now that a teensy bit of The Way Things Ought To Be is restored? You feel strong again? Needed? Able to protect Hawkeye’s honour??” anyway now this guy that he’s literally threatening is going to fix his hand and wonder for the rest of his life about the weird obsessive doctors that were so wrapped up in each other that they almost let one of them have a serious medical condition run rampant

[blancheludis]

A/N: @iron-man-bingo suqare: Avengers Game Night

Fandom: Marvel, Avengers Characters: Bruce Banner/Thor, Clint Barton, Tony Stark Tags: Team Bonding, Secret Relationship, Humor, Fluff, 2012 Avengers Words: 1.849

Summary: Stumbling over three naked Avengers in the towers' living room is not enough to surprise Tony anymore. What he cannot quite explain is how they roped Bruce into it. He's supposed to be the one with common sense. Thor's presence might explain his lapse in judgement. 

---

“Has anyone seen my –” The rest of the question dies on Tony’s lips as he stumbles over his own feet, coming to an abrupt halt at the scene in front of him.

Clint and Thor sit facing each other on the ground of their living room, with Bruce as the top of their little triangle – which in itself would not be the strangest thing Tony has found his teammates doing. The thing is, they are naked.

Well, Clint and Thor are naked, while Bruce is apparently still wearing pants, but there are still three naked men sitting in Tony’s tower, staring at each other as if they are waiting for the others to combust.

Tony wishes he could say he is surprised. He certainly did not anticipate this exact scene, but life with the other Avengers has quickly cured him from expecting his life to be normal. They all have bad days and scars, but they are also, all in their own way, crazy. Tony does not exclude himself from that list, but he is pretty sure he has not yet reached Clint’s level.

Alerted by Tony’s question, the three men look up with varying degrees of eagerness. Bruce, for one, looks one wrong word away from fleeing back to India.  

“I’m not going to ask,” Tony says quickly, raising up his hands in front of his chest to signal his surrender.

It is too late, though, because Thor perks up, a wide smile on his face. “We are conducting a ritual,” he says with all the enthusiasm of a five-year-old on Christmas morning.

Slowly, Tony backs away. “I said I’m not asking.” It is a futile attempt to get out of this, but Tony wants to be able to say later that he tried.

In the background, Bruce grimaces as if he has already tried to talk sense into their friends. As if that has ever worked. Common sense has never had any impact on any of them. Neither does reason.

Thor shifts to be better able to face Tony, thereby offering a better view of himself. In response, Tony raises his hands even higher, trying to shield his eyes. The sight before him is quite nice, of course, but that does not mean he wants to see it without warning on a Thursday afternoon.

“Clint has been so kind to involve me in a special ritual meant to welcome warriors into the midst of their peers,” Thor explains, completely oblivious to the shit-eating grin on Clint’s face.

Unable to help himself, Tony asks, “Which requires you to be –” He gestures at their bare bodies, taking care not to look.

Somehow, a naked Thor is even more impressively large than he is in his armour. That might be because he holds himself entirely without shame. It helps that he has the kind of superhuman physique that even Steve can only dream of. Clint, too, has not just muscular arms. Even Bruce, with his comparable softness, has nothing to be ashamed of.

“Of course,” Clint speaks up in a tone containing a warning for Tony not to mess this up. His eyes are dancing with barely suppressed laughter. “How else is he going to prove he is worthy even without any Asgardian knickknacks?”

By not using them, Tony supposes but does not say it. He is sure it is better not to get involved. In any case, Thor looks happy. All of them thought of getting Thor naked at some point, so Tony should not ruin Clint’s game just because the archer managed it. That leaves the question why Bruce let himself be roped into this. He is the only one with sense among them, after all.  

“But Brucie is allowed to keep his pants on?” Tony asks, unable to keep all of his scepticism out of his tone.

Clint’s glare becomes more intense. “He’s been naked around us often enough,” he answers dryly, not so politely referring to Tony’s up until now failed attempts to create Hulk-safe pants for Bruce. “And it wouldn’t be good if the referee’s nudity would distract the applicant. So, he’s here to make sure things don’t go out of hand.”

Tony snorts at Bruce’s sour expression. “How would they ever?” he asks with heavy sarcasm. At the same time, though, he gets an inkling what this is about. He is just wondering whether Clint truly thinks this is going to work.

“Have you not yet been inducted, Man of Iron?” Thor asks, sounding concerned of all things. “Surely a warrior of your renown would want to be a part of this magnificent order?”

At some point, Tony will have to pull Clint aside and share a bottle of the good stuff with him for the good work he has done here, filling Thor up with more stories about weird habits on Earth.

“Oh, we founded a sect now?” Tony asks, turning his laughter into a smirk. “What’s its name? Hawkeye’s Merry Fools?”

Before Clint has to defend his mad scheme, Thor does so eagerly. “There’s no need for jealousy. I am certain you will be asked to join too.” With a gentle expression, he adds, “If permitted, I will be your sponsor.”

An image flashes through Tony’s mind of himself naked amongst these men. He wonders what parts of the ritual he has already missed. Chanting? Sparring? Talking about their most secret feelings?

“My sponsor?” he asks, despite knowing better than to indulge this madness. All he wanted was his tablet. He should be backing out of the room, perhaps outright run.

“Like Bruce is for me,” Thor says, directing a blinding smile at Bruce. “He’s overseeing the ritual.”

Tony desperately wants to ask how Bruce let himself be pulled into this. Surely, there is an easier way for him to get Thor naked. Knowing the god, a simple question would have sufficed, no explanation needed. Although a mere look from Bruce’s wide, hopeful eyes, would not have gone amiss either.

Getting those two to admit their obvious attraction to each other is like pulling teeth, though, painful and taking too long.  

“That’s nice of him,” Tony drawls, glaring at Bruce as if he can mentally get some answers from him. “Say, this ritual doesn’t happen to get any more physical than this?”

Clint’s grin grows as much as Bruce’s expression grows tighter. Still oblivious, Thor nods enthusiastically, sending his hair flying.

“We will fight to prove my worth,” he exclaims with distinct happiness. “I have left the mighty Mjolnir in my rooms for this.”

Out of their own volition, Tony’s eyes travel down, following a line of Thor’s golden hair down his abdomen, until he catches himself. “Please don’t destroy my tower,” he says with forced nonchalance.

“Many things can happen during trials like this,” Thor replies, not sounding reprimanded or guilty at all. “Most of the damage happens during the revelry afterward.”

As one, Tony and Clint look at Bruce. Before Tony can ask the obvious question, Clint pipes up, proven Tony’s thoughts true.

“That’s what Bruce is here for,” Clint says cheerfully. “Once the ritual is done, he will accompany Thor back to his rooms to make sure that his spirit settles safely.”

Getting with the program, Tony cocks his head to the side as if thinking hard. “And I guess there will still be no clothes around for that part.”

With more fake earnestness than Tony would have possible, Clint nods. “Naturally.”

As far as plans to push Thor and Bruce together go, this one is not even the worst Tony could think of. Common sense and less than subtle comments have not yet led to any result – other than Bruce blushing and Thor ranting about the many merits of their resident not-that-kind-of-doctor. Neither of them has taken the hint, however. In fact, they always seem to take two steps back for every one they manage to take forward.  

Still, Tony is pretty sure he does not want to have anything to do with this. “Well, I’ll leave you to it.”

Before he can take more than a step towards the door, Clint says with too much innocence to be believable, “We could use another referee. You know, to make sure that my spirit settles again too.”

For a tiny moment, Tony is tempted to say yes. Not because he particularly wants to get naked with his fellow Avengers, but because he wants to see where this is going. Thor is not naïve. He is loud and brash and easily excitable, but he should have figured out that this is a rather badly thought out scheme of Clint’s pretty easily. Yet, here he is, naked on the ground, smiling happily as he goes along with whatever nonsense script Clint has for them.

More than that, he wants to get his hands on Bruce – not literally – to find out how exactly Clint has threatened him into playing along.

In the end, his self-preservation instincts win over his curiosity. That is a new development the Avengers caused too. Tony does not need to know everything anymore.

“Thank you, birdbrain, but I wouldn’t want to disturb your ritual,” he says, pulling his face into something resembling regret if not for the laughter in his eyes. “Since I’m not part of the secret club, I might accidentally destroy your progress.”

He is definitely going to keep an eye on the surveillance feed, though. It is hardly an invasion of privacy if they eel themselves naked in the common areas.

Perhaps he is even going to send Steve up without warning. His reaction would surely be worth the ensuing yelling. Also, there is the small, almost non-existent chance that Steve would join in. He is all for team bonding, after all. Tony would not miss that for anything in the world.

“Well, you know where to find us if you change your mind,” Clint says, sounding just the slightest bit disappointed.

“I certainly do.” Tony decides to take the whole situation with good humour. “Good luck, Thor. I hope you’ll find what you’re looking for.”

Something flashes over Thor’s face too quickly for Tony to interpret. “Thank you, Man of Iron,” he then booms. “I believe what I want is right within reach.”

That – is a curious phrasing, even for Thor. When Tony whips up his head to look at Bruce, he sees the last remnants of a grin fade quickly from his face. It was not just a my co-workers are crazy but I’m playing along grin. No, this one was a fully blown I know something you don’t so I’ll have the last laugh grin.

Tony wonders whether they might not have all miscalculated Thor’s ability to keep a secret. This will need further investigation.

“I’ll keep an eye on you,” he promises with a last sharp look at Bruce and Thor, and a questioning one at Clint.

“You do that,” Bruce answers serenely, as if he has never had a problem with being watched. “It might be interesting what you find. These rituals tend to bring out curious things in people.”

[crying-over-spilled-feels]

When the World Comes Crashing Down

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the canon characters; they belong to Marvel and Stan Lee. If I did own the characters, well, I would make several changes, notably what happens to the Avengers and Loki during the battle to stop Thanos and reverse the destruction.

               He thought it was a game at first; the boys loved to play hide-and-seek.

He thought it was a trick of the light.

He thought it was a trick of his eyes as an after effect from all the combat he’d seen in his life.

He thought it was only a hallucination.

He thought it was only a dream.

He though it was only a nightmare.

He never thought it would be real.

Clint Barton screams as he crashes to his knees in the middle of the park, his face already completely soaked with tears as he curses loudly.

               Clint finds out he isn’t the only one. He isn’t the only one who lost family in the ‘Snap’ as the news and the Avengers are calling it. However, he is the one who lost the most family in the mad Titan Thanos’ destructive, genocidal plan to wipe out half the universe. The numbness that travels through Clint’s body as he returns to the farmhouse, what was once his safehouse, chills him to the core. Cooper and Lilah were in high school, and Nathaniel was barely in elementary school. All of his children deserved a better life. None of them deserved to vanish away into dust before their father’s eyes while spending a summer day at the park as a family. And, Laura… Laura, his doting, amazing, beautiful, and intelligent wife who stood by his side beside everything. She had his back when he was a top S.H.I.E.L.D. agent, even at the potential danger to her own life. When Clint returned home from Budapest with a potentially life-threatening injury, Laura didn’t demand he quit trying to save the world. Instead, she nursed him back to health and let Natasha stay over as the redhead’s injuries healed as well. God, he loved her; Clint doesn’t understand why his Savior couldn’t stop Thanos from killing half the universe. Perhaps the Infinity Stones were too strong for even Him to wield, though Clint knows that the very idea of that is blasphemous, so he strikes it from his thoughts. Perhaps God knew the Avengers could find a way to solve the crisis presented by Thanos. However, that is no comfort for the grief-stricken man known as Clint Barton as he comes home to an empty house, devoid of laughter, happiness, and sense of purpose now that he is a family of one.

Natasha calls as soon as she gets back to the United States from Wakanda. She tries to understand her best friend and partner’s grief, but no one can really understand what it is like for Clint. Not even Thor could understand, and the God of Thunder lost his entire family from countless wars and Thanos’ greed. However, Thor did not have to suffer the loss of a wife and three children, some of the purest bonds that exist in all of the galaxies. And for that, Clint believes that the Norse God of Thunder should be extremely grateful.

“Clint?” Natasha gasps as Barton picks up the phone, his breath shaky on the other end of the phone as he tries to regulate his breathing.

“Natasha?” Clint chokes out a sob, glad to hear his friends’ voice, even if it is just over the phone.

“Hey. Is everyone---?”

“They’re all dead, Nat!” Clint screams into the phone before quieting himself and realizing that Natasha is not to blame for this crisis. “The Snap or whatever in Hell’s name we’re calling it killed my entire family! Lilah, Cooper, Nathaniel, Laura,” he continues, his voice cracking after each voice before tears consume him as he breathes out Laura’s name. “I had to watch them fade to dust in front of my eyes! If I ever find that genocidal maniac known as Thanos, he’ll regret ever messing with the Barton family!” Clint growls, and Natasha has never heard her friend sound so animalistic in nature before.

Granted, he has never lost his entire family, and Natasha merits that he could never talk again and that would also have been an acceptable response to this tragedy. So, in order to spare her best friend the pain of describing the scene the occurred at the farmhouse, she sticks to telling him of the battle against Thanos. She tells him how Tony is trapped in space with Thanos’ recently converted daughter Nebula. In addition, she tells him of all of their fallen comrades who perished in Wakanda. When Clint says nothing about the death of their friends and comrades, particularly Wanda whom he took under his wing after the battle in Sokovia went south, Natasha begins to worry. 

“Are you there?” Natasha inquires, concern lacing her voice as she finds it eerie that Clint wouldn’t even make a peep, not even about his family.

Surely, he, too, didn’t disintegrate into dust. The Snap wouldn’t have a second wave of casualties, would it? Was that even possible?

“No, I’m not. The Clint Barton you once knew is dead, Nat. He’s gone just like his family.”

Clint hangs up on Natasha, and the Black Widow’s resolve breaks. She allows a single tear to run down her face, not even bothering to wipe it away when Steve comes to tell her goodbye and good luck.

                 When Clint makes his plan for revenge against the genocide of half the world, he emerges from the farmhouse, sporting a new haircut to mark his transition from Hawkeye to Ronin. To mark a superhero’s descent into lawlessness and vigilante status, one must change his or her hair. At least, that is the story Clint has always heard from the other agents at S.H.I.E.L.D. during his time at the Academy and when he mentored the younger agents.

“How’re you holding up?” someone asks Clint when he emerges from the house nearly a week later to buy food and other rations for himself for his journey to rid the world of other genocidal maniacs.

“Children don’t deserve to die in Thanos’ Snap,” Clint mutters through gritted teeth, setting his supplies on the counter where the clerk can check them out. “Least of all, not mine,” he whispers, taking his bags of supplies and settling them in his undercover backpack Fury had gifted him after basic training at the Academy.

Oh, how long ago that had been. That had been before he met Natasha for the first time. That had been before he became a top S.H.I.E.L.D. agent. That had been before…. Before he met Laura, the love of his life. The backpack was not only practical; it was meant to transition Clint back into a life of isolation, recklessness, and overall secrecy. If he was to become a shadow of his former self, so be it. There would be no one around to witness the fall. 

When the world comes crashing down, sometimes even heroes add excessive amounts of red to their ledgers in order to soothe the pain of guilt and anger surrounding the innocent lives lost at the hands of madmen.

Author’s Note: And there it is! This is my first Endgame fic, so I hope everyone enjoyed this little look into Clint’s mind. Clint has always been one of my favorite Marvel characters since I first started watching Marvel in May of 2018. Captain Marvel was actually my first superhero film I saw in theaters with Avengers: Endgame as my second. My friend AJ and I went to see them both on my day off, and we absolutely loved them! I nearly broke down into tears during the first five minutes in the scene with Clint’s family, because I just love the Barton family so much and I didn’t want anything to happen to Clint’s world. You can imagine how upset I was. Anyway, expect more Endgame stories from me; I was really inspired through much of the movie, especially with a certain Clint and Natasha scene. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Anyway, I have to prepare to go to work soon, so I’ll cut this Author’s Note here. Happy Memorial Day, everyone; bless all the soldiers who gave their lives to fight for what they believe in. Thank you for your service. Until next time, dear readers. Have an amazing day, afternoon, or night!  

[knifeonmars]

Desert Island Comics, Part 2

In packing my things up for my move I made the difficult decision to get rid of most of my monthly issues, about 4 longboxes worth. It wasn't an easy, but I've never considered myself a collector of comic books so much as just a reader. I don't want to fetishize or hoard the physical object, because it's largely beside the point for me. So I combed through my longboxes and filled a single shortbox with the comics I couldn't bear to part with and which I thought would be fun to leaf through at some indeterminate point in the future, thinking less about collectability than my personal attachment to them. So there are some arguably strange choices in here.

Daredevil The Waid/Samnee/Rivera Daredevil was and is a really important comic to me personally. It's actually the book which first got me into a comic book shop back when I was around 16 or 17 years old. I had read comics before, whether online or through my local library, but I was finally at an age where I had money to spend on this ludicrous hobby and I remember seeing the first interviews and previews around the book and being immediately interested, just knowing that this was a book I had to read. The series itself more than bore that out. It was at once awesome throwback superhero action and a deeper and more meaningful exploration of depression and trauma. To this day I look at it as a perfect example of all-caps SUPERHERO COMICS. Midnighter/Midnighter and Apollo Not so much a formative book for me as just a favorite. I loved Midnighter and its sequel because it's a wild action comic with big ideas and a wrecking ball of a protagonist. It also took Midnighter from being a kind of one note character to a personal favorite, and I was overjoyed when the sequel did some of the same for Apollo, who I always thought got kind of short shrift as a result of being the less traditionally masculine partner in the duo. Age of Apocalypse The first of my picks which probably constitutes a weird personal favorite which no one else has ever heard or cared about, Age of Apocalypse was a somewhat shortlived 2011-2012 series spinning out from Rick Remender's lauded X-Force run. The original Age of Apocalypse is mostly remembered as this kind of buckwild glam dystopian romp, but this series was a lot more lowkey and less bombastic. Focusing on the X-Terminated, a group of human rebels made up of alternate reality versions of traditional anti-mutant X-Men foes, the series focused on their desperate and hard fought attempts to secure some kind of future for themselves and their people. It was a fairly dark book but not one without its charms, and I always felt that it managed to strike a good balance between the alternate universe walking tour of "Here's a weird alternate version of this character!" and actually having characters and conflict which are interesting on their own merit. X-Treme X-Men Included primarily for it's ending crossever with Age of Apocalypse, X-Treme X-Men was still a really fun series. Initially focusing on a group of alternate reality X-Men hunting evil versions of Charles Xavier across the multiverse, it was very much an updated take on the now recently revived Exiles formula. Like I said, it's not necessarily an essential book for me, but it is fun and energetic and certainly fun to read. X-Termination I mentioned the crossover between Age of Apocalypse and X-Treme X-Men, also including Amazing X-Men. To be honest, X-Termination, as the name probably implies, isn't a lighthearted read. There's a high bodycount, and specifically coming to it after the hard fought victories of Age of Apocalypse, the ending is very much a gut punch. It's a solid read, but it's not a particularly pleasant one. I couldn't ignore it though, given my affection for Age of Apocalypse. Lobster Johnson In my opinion one of the more accessible Hellboy spinoffs, Lobster Johnson is just pure fun pulp comics which nonetheless manage to make their main character strange and interesting. Recent stories have seen the character dynamics complicated in interesting ways which I look forward to seeing more of. Nighthawk The unfortunately shortlived Walker/Villalobos/Bonvillain series is another favorite of mine. I dunno, Nighthawk hit at a time when I was all too happy to read a comic where a badass superhero beat the shit out of overreaching cops and contend with sinister gentrifiers. It's a cool looking, violent, and downright mean comic which I just love to bits and I consider it a damn shame that Marvel's left the series so unloved. A MAX version or a revival with the upcoming Marvel Knights relaunch would be a hit, at least with me personally. AXIS: Hobgoblin Maybe my strangest pick. Back during the regrettable and forgettable AXIS event, Rick Remender's turn at doing one of Marvel's regularly scheduled and almost inevitably flawed event comics, a bunch of heroes and villains got mind whammied and had their moral alignments inverted; heroes becoming villains and villains becoming heroes. The consequences of this played out not just in the event itself but in a variety of spinoffs and minis, among which was this short three issue mini. I just think it's a fun romp. The art is gorgeous, and Roderick Kingsley is maybe the most interesting he's ever been as a blowhard superhero who's in it for the money and the fame. Another book which I wish could have seen more of, but as it is, a fun artifact from a terrible event comic. Hawkeye Fraction/Aja/Wu/Hollingsworth. A classic which I actually don't feel unambiguously positive about. I remember the many delays and schedule slippage back when it was first coming out put me off somewhat. Still though, I can't deny that it was a good series, especially at the beginning. I didn't love the direction it ultimately took, and I though that the release strategy for the final arcs, alternating issues between Kate and Clint, wasn't a great idea, and the delays exacerbate that, but it was a very good series and I've always kind of planned to revisit now that it's over. Also, it introduced me to The Rockford Files, which holds some sentimental value. Multiversity Grant Morrison's spaghetti thrown at the wall maxiseries, Multiversity is hit and miss, but full of ideas and energy and I couldn't bear to part with it. Something about the single issue format just feels so integral to the strangeness of that series that I wanted to keep hold of it in that original format. Catalyst Comix Here's something about me; I love anthologies. They're always hit or miss, but Ienjoy that quality to them, and Catalyst Comix, while shortlived, was incredibly energetic and interesting. I kept it because I figured that leafing through my shortbox however many years down the line, I'd probably be delighted by the energy and originality that Catalyst Comix had on display. Transformers Vs GI Joe I'm a big Tom Scioli fan, and while I've frankly never cared much about either of the involved properties, I love his unhinged weaving together of them and the sheer go for broke madness of this series. Also, I deeply admire the high concept silliness of them doing a one shot which was a pseudo-adaptation of an imagined film version of the original series. Secret Weapons I've never connected much with the so-called Valiant Universe comics beyond Quantum and Woody, but Secret Weapons was an unexpected delight for me. It's a wonderful ragtag team story which makes the by now somewhat complicated Valiant Universe fairly approachable and unintimidating. The art is absolutely killer too, a refreshing break from what I find to be Valiant's somewhat bland house style. Prophet Here's a series which is harder to talk about now than it was a year ago. The Prophet epic that Brandon Graham helmed with a murderer's row of great artists was a favorite of mine when I was first reading monthly comics, and having revisited it I think it largely holds up, if sagging a bit in the middle portions. I'm particularly partial to the first arc, following the would be Newfather Prophet across a strange and utterly alien far future Earth in a story which evoked sword and sorcery adventure. Man of Steel #22 I'm not much for collecting and preserving comics, but I decided on keeping Man of Steel #22 because I love Steel. To me, Steel is one of the single best superhero comic ideas ever. We're always told that Superman's greatest ability is to inspire people, and Steel is the perfect embodiment of that idea, in the conveniently medium appropriate form of a dude in a supersuit just whaling on bad guys. I love him.