#(gender has nothing to do with it but women get caught up in it sometimes yknow)

[rainyjackalope]

happy womens day

[penguin--nipples]

truly nothing has affected me the way that reading the wicked years this past week is affecting me I have a million disorganized thoughts and I'm only partway through son of a witch:

Glinda and Elphaba's relationship is so much more fleshed out in the books than it is in the musical - the yearning and the pining and Elphaba showing up at the cloister of St glinda over and over again

Elphaba has two soulmates and that affects me deeply what do you mean someone who feels like they could never be loved has two soulmates

Why the fuck did Gregory include a line about Fiyero shitting his guts out right before dying?? Did the guy at the bar poison him?? Did the guy at the bar purposefully show him the bears being killed/hurt and then poison him?

Elphaba and her son both being bisexual disasters is actually my favorite thing

Elphaba and Fiyeros deaths both occur somewhat 'offscreen' and there is no evidence of their bodies

BOQ in the book is such a loveable character I despised him in the musical

Glinda is absolutely bat shit but also some kind of intuitive genius, the way she sees Fiyero after a decade and immediately deduces he's fucking somebody and minutes later says something along the lines of "send my love to elphie". And the way she interacts with Liir for the first time is also absolutely insane, but she also instinctively knows by the end of her conversation with him that he is Elphaba's son

Why is Nanny immortal? And how did Chistery learn to talk so well with her as the only human around?

As much as I hated watching Liir get bullied I loved the chapters at kiamo ko with sarima/her sisters and Nanny randomly showing up to terrorize the group, nothing like a found family of mostly women

I understand the queer reading of Elphaba's character obviously, but I don't understand why people think she is intersex. The book literally states "Only after a second and third rub was it clear that the child was indeed feminine. Perhaps in labor some bit of organic effluvia had become caught and quickly dried in the cloven place." - I always read this more as an acknowledgement of what Sarima explains later on as hot and cold anger and Elphaba having both. I feel like this is more of a trans allegory or that Elphaba has elements of being male and female (2 Spirit?)/a dissolution of gender, than her being intersex. and yet this rumour persists among discussion posts and boards, making it feel like a real life propaganda trail for the book since I've seen it said in the context of "woahhh the book is so much freakier than the movie omg". Although I guess it could be androgen insensitivity syndrome as well

What the FUCK is Yackle? She is described as the opposite of a guardian angel but idk what that means

Did gelphie fuck or not I'm so confused, they "spent a night together" and I see people saying they canonically had sex and maybe it's the nature of the book enjoying switching perspectives every time something interesting happened but I feel like they didn't? Or it's something I haven't read yet?

I feel like Liir becomes an audience surrogate when he goes into Southstairs guided by Shell - this is genuinely how it felt reading the books sometimes, he saw Shell be sketchy multiple times before putting it together like 'wait are you having sex with them???' which is basically me every time Gregory implied a sex scene subtly, making me not super sure if it happened or not

[cy-lindric]

I wanted to vent, but also ask an honest question. Since I was a teenager, I always wanted to work on character design. And one thing that always caught my attention was how I always preferred male character designs over female ones. My first thought was that I was always more into androgynous fashion and more masculine styles. But time passed and I came to the conclusion that it wasn't just that, and it seems that male characters can always be different things: fat, thin, handsome, ugly, short, tall, young, old, etc. and female characters, for the most part, fall into two categories: cute or sexy. I wanted some tips on how I can make female characters with more interesting designs, without having to fall into those two categories. I love your work and you managed to make someone else like the three musketeers <3<3

Hello ! That's definitely a good question and something I think about a lot. The bias towards beauty is very strong in character design and it takes a conscious effort to diversify output in that regard.

That sort of advice might be a bit obvious, but one habit I picked up from the director on my first feature film gig was to actually "cast" characters. Without reference, we tend to go for the kind of symmetrical face and "average" features mostly out of stylistic habit. I like to look at character actors with distinct faces (I like this pinterest page that has a lot of faces in one place) but also just acquaintances or pictures of random crowds.

When designing a character, at first I'm always building a big reference board trying to decide what Type of Guy (gender neutral) I'm going for, trying use photos rather than other people's art, because I want to rely on automatics and graphic symbols as little as possible. Whether I'm designing a man or a woman or other, I use references of fashion styles and people across the board in terms of gender so I keep the scope open. Sometimes a character ref board for me will be a picture of one of my aunts next to a bunch of screenshots of Columbo. In my experience, a lot of the times, it's mostly about going with styles and archetypes the same way you would for a male character, and switching it up somewhere along the way by looking at real women in your life and beyond as a grounding mechanism. Sometimes that will mean changing almost nothing, because the borders between genders and how you characterize them is blurry and fluid, and sometimes it will mean using features that are uniquely tied to some sort of female experience.

I enjoy realism and I think getting more proficient at it did help me diversify my designs (I find that more difficult to do with more minimalistic styles). Still, I am mostly a fantasy artist and in my case that comes with some amount of stylization and idealization of shapes and looks. I'm far from perfect in my biases and I'm not going out of my way to draw "ugly" characters because that doesn't mean much to me ; I try to draw inspiration from the faces of every day people and I associate it with my love for fashion. It's also worth noting the work I post here for fun is a lot more hash tag aesthetic than the stuff I do professionally where diversity is much more important.

I don't know if any of that is relevant but that's definitely an interesting topic ! I'd love to know others' perspective and tips on the matter.

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐+

Trans Day of Visibility 🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️🏳️‍⚧️

'You don't know me. Clearly you don't care to know me. And that's your loss.'

That's what I've been telling the echoes in my head since last Thursday, when a woman followed me out of the Womens bathroom to ask in a scathing tone to which bathroom I belonged.

Now, I have a relationship with my gender which, like many Queer people, takes a bit to explain and doesn't really fit into binaries. I identify as trans-nonbinary and genderfluid, and I am also intersex. Some days I feel fem and want to wear dresses and feel pretty. Some days I feel masc and like a button-up with the sleeves rolled back. A lot of the time, I'm not even thinking about gender and just wear whatever seems fun while fitting with the activity or work im doing that day.

Thursday, I felt very fem. I put on my special lemon skirt and a nice blouse, put my hair up in a high clip- I felt it was a very cute work outfit! It seems other people thought so too. I was washing my hands in the bathroom (which is in the hallway of a building rented by multiple businesses, including my employers) when a woman starts washing as well and says "I like your skirt, thats very pretty."

To which I OF COURSE say, "Thanks! It has pockets~". I then dry my hands and as I exit shoot a, "Hope you have a nice day!" in her direction for happy measure.

I wasn't expecting her to follow me down the hall to the lobby of the building and ask loudly, scathingly, "Should you be using the *women's* bathroom??"

This struck me dumb. In my life I have recieved some side-eyeing or people walking away quickly, the whispers and urging a child not to stare- all sad, strange, and occasionally wryly amusing moments in places like gas station bathrooms where I go very infrequently.

But, this is the building I WORK in. This is where my car is parked much of the day. This is where I am sometimes alone in my office with nothing but glass between the lobby and myself.

I say "Yes." and by rote try to explain, try to staunch her confusion somehow. The doctors declared me female at birth but they were only kinda correct (i.e. intersex)- though I'm also trans by several definitions and have had an HRT prescription in the past, but I'm also *hella* fem today. I fumble. "I'm, um, inters-"

"I do NOT appreciate you being there!" She interrupts, jabbing a finger towards me, "It isn't appropriate!!" She adds, walking into the office on the opposite side of the lobby from me, glaring at me with disgust.

Numbly, I walk the rest of the way to my office. Un-numbly, I begin to tremble and realize this happened to me because I have a deep voice. She lived my skirt, but not more than she hated my voice. With shaking hands I message my direct supervisor and the COO of my company.

Hi, bit of an unfortunate update I want to give you two just in case there's any kind of trouble with our neighbors or something gets reported to the owner of the building. I was just told by a lady across the hall from us that I should not be using the women's bathroom and that it's inappropriate for me to be using that facility.

I feel bad in that engrained, vulnerable kind of way. I'm a fairly recent hire as far as administrators go- 4 months. I moved my office to this location just 2 weeks ago. Now I'm caught up in some issue, now someone who maybe works a couple dozen feet away might try to come after me- my ability to use the bathroom, at least. What if she calls the police on me? What do I do? I have an ID with 'F' on it but what if the cops hate my voice as well? What if she or the cops try to grope or sexually assult me to 'see' and 'prove' what I am? Would they even understand what they're looking at? What if she thinks people like me shouldn't EXIST, let alone be left alone to pee?

What if she's got a gun?

I decide to work down the hall, in our children's therapy office. I'm spiraling and shivering and my chest is filled with ice. I sit near a new hire watching training videos and try to breathe while I see my superiors typing.

What if I lose my job?

That fear, at least, lessens in the following moment as my little chatroom erupts with concern for me and questions of how I would like to proceed. Do I want to go home for the day? Do I want to move back to the farther office location?

I decide that I want to try having a normal day, and my COO says he will be at this location on Monday and can talk with the neighbors- An Adult Disability Support company, about the situation. I tell myself that maybe she was just a visitor, or the guardian of one of the clients over there. Maybe she's a client herself, and between a fixed perspective and a difficulty regulating her emotions she came at me like that- I've had clients of my own while working in disability support who have a determined passion over information that they unfortunately came upon. (I got nearly screamed out of a house before for implying Troy Bolton was actually an actor mamed Zac Efron. Which, totally my bad. I knew HSM was her very important thing but misjudged her perception of it).

Despite my desire for normal, my PTSD and Autistic overwhelm have other plans and my coworkers notice me struggling to stay calm. I had to ask one of them to take a picture of me- evidence of what I'm wearing, of the female-ness that I usually reject in myself but adopted because I felt pretty this morning. Why did I dare feel pretty this morning? At least when i'm a tomboy lesbian-dyke, people tend not to follow me out from the restroom.

After I send the picture to my boss for evidence, my coworkers ask me what's wrong. I feel hot shame at discussing a situation involving my need to pee with my coworkers, of being visibly afraid in front of them, of not being poised and professional, and of having thought I was pretty for a day in my life.

I am now, five days later, still gobsmacked at their support and compassion. They asked if I was ok, if there was something they could do, and if I wanted any of them to come with me next time to the bathroom. One of them came out to me as nonbinary as I sat nibbling a few kitkats to calm myself down. Their support gets me through the day, and they all let me know I'm not alone, and that my skirt IS very pretty.

My heart is warmed but unfortunately over the weekend, my mind is spinning like a record, playing the same song over and over and over. The woman follows me and I turn around again, and again, and again- each time with me trying to explain or defend myself a little differently.

"Don't you know some people are born different? You work with disabilities yourself." "Some women are really tall, or short. Some have thick eyebrows, or lose their hair, or *have deep voices*. Don't you know women are vibrant with differences?" "Were you in the room when my doctor and I discussed my voice? Why do you act like you know why my voice is like this- I didn't sign away my HIPPA to you." "Ma'am where do you SUGGEST I pee in my lemon skirt and pumps? On the lobby floor?"

But I can never win the argument in my head, the echo of the woman who demands to see my ID and calls it fake. The echo demands my birth certificate and tears it in two, insisting its forged. She demands to see my genitals and either determines I am mutilated, or that I have surgically made myself to be as I am. Nothing short of birthing a child in the lobby would convince the woman arguing in my mind where I am allowed to pee and here I was, sterile, ill-formed for such an activity, and far too gender-literate for the mental arguement of such a thing happening- maladaptive daydream or no.

It took up my whole weekend, this spiraling. Only two things gave me comfort- immagining telling that woman "You don't know me. Clearly you don't care to know me. And that's you're loss." Over and over, like a ryhme about sticks and stones your mom taught you as a child- and the other comfort was a birthday party I was hosting for my dear friend where I shared a meal, some card games, and my personal bathroom with a bunch of people who Do know me, and Do care, and are more concerned with whether I someone's got an Ace in their hand than whatever is under their skirt.

Fear fades to sorrow for that angry lady, for my staff, and for everyone in the building. Does this poor woman hate her own voice when she gets a headcold? Does she stare at every woman who isn't perfectly feminine and see a dangerous animal? What about the disabled people in her life? Are they admonished for existing in a way she doesn't expect? If my perfectly female coworker goes to a concert and comes to work with a broken voice the next day, will she go through what I went through? If a client needs help toileting and a member of the opposite sex is assisting them, will the cops be called?

I remind myself that she doesn't know me. That she clearly doesn't care to know me. And that it is her loss. I remind myself that I'm brave, over and over while I drive to work on Monday. My COO will talk to our neighbors today, and I dont know what will happen. It's been suggested that I could use the children's toilet in our other office. It's meant kindly, but sounds an awful lot like a separate water fountain. My nonbinary coworker said they're scared to pee now- my adult, trained and licensed for administering therapy, coworker.. is scared to use the bathroom.

That makes me angrier than anything this woman could possibly do to me. Maybe I should DARE this woman to call the cops, if only to show my coworker I will be brave for us, that I'm not letting fear control my life.

But something unexpected happened today, coincidentally, on Trans Day of Visibility.

The owner was 100% on board and actually already spoke to the employee. The owner said the employee came to her all concerned/upset and she told her to stop and that they have trans clients and it's not appropriate or worthwhile to go after people living their lives.

Recieving the news was like a fever breaking. I didn't realize how much I had been holding my breath (and my bladder) the entire morning. They understood?? Not only did this other business understand but they're offering their services to members of my community?

I obviously wish it hadn't happened, that I hadn't stayed worried and desperate every day and awake and scared every night over the weekend. But, I'm overwhelmed gratithe relief of everything that happened after- the immidiate support of administration, the kind eords of my coworkers, and the mended fence with my new and wonderful neighbors.

Happy fucking Trans Day of Visibility, yall. I see you, and maybe more people on the outside see us for what we are than we think. The people who have a problem clearly don't know you, clearly don't care to know you, AND THAT IS THEIR LOSS.

Taglist @the-golden-comet @gioia-writes-and-others @lychhiker

[lunar-years]

I've been reflecting a lot lately about something similar to the last post I reblogged about the term "girlie" and the "girlification" of everything (e.g., girl dinner, girl job, girl math). I think especially with the sheer prevalence and impact of spaces like Tik Tok and other social media it is so extremely easy to get caught up in some of those "trends," and when you're a woman and you see other women using those terms and you do relate in some way to their perceived surface meanings, it's easy to adopt them yourself and feel like part of an in-group because of it, without realizing how dangerous such terms can be to feminism when you go around aimlessly throwing into your daily vernacular, particularly when taken alongside the wider cultural and political wave of conservatism. And it's ultimately so important to step back and take a look at how those seemingly innocuous terms are contributing to that wave!!

I'll be the first to say I definitely laughed at some of the earliest "girl dinner" Tik Toks and for a while me and my friends were all using "girl math" in our lingo, because we related to the idea and knew we all did it and found it funny. But then I saw another Tik Tok and some other posts online about why those terms are diminutive and harmful to women and I've since done my best to stop using them. It's really critical to police our own language sometimes. And like, I haven't suddenly stopped relating to ~concept~ of "girl math," in the sense that coming up with wonky "calculated" justifications for my sillier purchases is something I absolutely still do and is still something I laugh at myself for as I know I'm doing it. And there's nothing wrong with that! But I've stopped saying "girl math" because I've realized the concept behind the term has no actual relationship to my womanhood (or in this case, "girl"hood, which is obviously diminutive in itself). My ability to justify little treat purchases is not rooted in any way in my gender, and the conflating of the two is a problem. I promise you, men use "girl math" too!! But creating terms like "girl math" or "girl dinner" as the framework for those concepts situates them as inherently female, and by extent, situates females as somehow inherently less financially responsibly, less healthy, less intelligent.

Anyway, I now try to be way more conscious of the language I perpetuate, especially because I am someone who is very "traditionally feminine" in a lot of ways, which makes it that much easier to slip into some of these "trends" without critical thought. I enjoy "girlie" hobbies! I knit and bake and embroider and collect tea cups and wear dresses. I still ask my brother to help me with my taxes every year and I still make my Dad come fix my car when it breaks down. But none of that lessens the fact that I am also a self sufficient and intelligent woman, and I am increasingly cognizant of the ways in which the things I do and enjoy are being packaged into "girlie" tik tok trends that are then used to perpetuate outdated gender roles, keep ALL women in boxes, and strip us of our rights. I can enjoy all the things I enjoy while scoffing in disgust at the rise of the "trad wife," but it's also important to be very vigilant about how the language I use might inadvertently be pushing forward values I vehemently disagree with and am opposed to, and its important now more than ever to constantly examine ourselves.

[seinahirai]

Hi darling,

I first want to wish you a wonderful day, don’t forget to rest and eat enough okay?

I wanted to pitch you an idea for a dreamcatcher jiu fluff x reader story.

I was thinking the reader starts going to a martial arts class and one of the trainer is jiu. Lots of mischief and fluff as reader is paired with jiu. Any domestical fluff imagine would also work if that inspires you more, reader going to dc’ dorm after a long/bad day for comfort perhaps.

Take care🫶

summary: after being robbed one day, you sign up for a martial arts class where you meet your trainer and future girlfriend, jiu

word count: 2.9k

contents: martial arts trainer!jiu, student!reader, gender neutral reader, fluff, there’s some build up, i got carried away, protective!jiu, sorta domestic (small glimpse into readers life with jiu ft. the girls), mentions of a non-fatal attack on reader, jiu is referred to by her birth name “minji”

authors note: sooo sorry to this sweet and lovely anon and everyone else who sent in requests, it’s been a month since you sent this in. a lot has happened but the school year is almost over and i’m getting my shit together. i will try to write more often but no promises, i’m still getting back on my feet

After you were robbed while walking home one night, you realized how bad you are at defending yourself.

It wasn’t a fatal attack, the criminal just took some of your belongings and left. Nonetheless, the incident left you quite paranoid, keeping cautious of every persons movements and every sound around you.

You even stopped listening to music in public so you could hear anyone who could be attempting to attack you.

After a few weeks of living in fear and anxiety, you decided you weren’t going to let it take over you. Living day to day being so overly cautious about everything was overwhelming and exhausting, you felt drained 24/7.

You decided you would learn to defend yourself, so if it ever did happen again, you would know exactly what to do.

You signed up for a nearby martial arts program recommended by your friend, who had went there for a few years.

Before officially joining, you were given a tour of the company to get a sense of the environment and what you’d be learning.

Your tour guide was undoubtedly one of the most beautiful women you’ve ever met, so beautiful that you caught yourself paying more attention to her face than her words.

She was also very sweet, having introduced herself in a very elegant and soft way, quite a contrast to the intense vibe of the rest of the building and members.

“I’m Minji, I’m your tour guide. If you do decide to join, I’ll be one of your trainers.” She had said, a big smile on her face that reminded you a lot of a rabbit.

When she was done showing you around, she brought you to the main room where all the members of the program are taught.

You got to see what the students were learning, how they were doing, and how the trainers teach. It all seemed intense, but it was nothing you couldn’t handle. You wanted to finally feel safe again, after all.

But when Minji personally showed you some martial arts skills, you were floored.

You watched i’m amazement as she did incredible moves you didn’t even know the name of. That cute bunny look of hers quickly turned into something darker, more serious.

“Woah,” you mutter stupidity, awkwardly standing there as she shows you her skills.

When she was finished, her face returned to its usual smiley and bright smile.

Safe to say, you were gonna attend this program.

Your first day was very nerve wracking, everyone around you seemed so much more experienced.

However, everyone there was very kind to you, the trainers were very understanding with you and guided you thoroughly without taking too much pity on you.

Kinji specifically was very patient with you, being very sweet but firm as she taught you, sometimes coming close to you to adjust your form and movements.

It made your heart race every time.

You could get used to this, you decided.

The students were very nice too, you had specifically made friends with one of the students named Gahyeon who was around your age.

As kept coming in every week, you and Gahyeon began to talk even more, and soon enough, you became good friends with her.

And with each passing week, you grew closer with Minji as well, but not in the way you did with Gahyeon.

With Minji, you felt like you were falling for her more and more each time you saw her.

At some point, your motive changed from “learn how to protect yourself” to “get the stances correct to earn praise from Minji”.

Of course you were still learning so you could defend yourself if needed, but you also loved being around your trainer, and you couldn’t help but yearn for something more.

You end up confessing this to Gahyeon one night over drinks at your place.

To your surprise, Gahyeon is not phased when you rant on about how much of a crush you have on Minji.

“It was like, incredibly obvious. You look at her like a lost puppy.” She said, chuckling at how head over heels you are.

“Was it really that obvious?” You ask, your cheeks flushing slightly. You couldn’t help but wonder if Minji could tell.

“Painfully so,” Gahyeon says, taking another sip of wine.

“But,” She says, putting her glass down on the table and looking at you with a grin on her face.

“lucky for you, I happen to be good friends with both of her roommates, which makes me good friends with her, which means I could totally set you two up.”

Your eyes light up at that, a hopeful look on your face as you smile at Gahyeon. “Really? You’d do that?”

“Of course! I’m only doing this because I do think she likes you as well. I’ve never seen her teach students the way she teaches you.” Gahyeon says, and it makes your heart race to think that Minji could feel the same way you feel.

“So, how would you set us up?” You ask, already seeming to overthink everything.

“Minji unnie loves to visit the cafe near the building after classes, she says it’s a nice place to unwind after teaching. I could tell her somebody is interested in her and wants to meet her there.”

Gahyeon must’ve noticed the unsure look on your face, because she raises an eyebrow asks you what’s wrong.

“It’s just, isn’t that a bit cheesy? Are you sure she’d like that?” You ask, your nerves getting to your head.

“Nah, she loves cheesy love tropes. I think she’d be more happy to see that it’s you.” Gahyeon says, reaching her hand over the table to pat your shoulder reassuringly.

“Plus, almost every person in the 90s used to meet the love of their lives through set-ups. This could be your soulmate.” She says in a sing-song voice, trying to convince you to take the opportunity.

After a few moments of thinking, you nod softly, which causes Gahyeon to cheer and have her own mini celebration.

“I’m gonna be so happy for you two if this does work out and you start dating.” She says, smiling at you.

“Thank you, Gahyeon. I’m glad I have you as a friend.” You say, feeling your nerves calm for a moment as you return the smile.

“It’s nothing, really. I just love seeing my friends happy.” She says, reaching down to grab her whine glass and raising it in front of the both of you.

“To a happy future relationship with Minji unnie!”

You chuckle and raise your glass as well, happy to see how excited your best friend is about this whole thing.

“Cheers,” you say, clinking your glasses together.

The following weekend, Gahyeon is on the phone helping you get ready to meet Minji at her favorite cafe.

You’re currently freaking out about which outfit goes better with the spring-themed gift basket you prepared.

“This outfit matches the aesthetic of the basket, while this one matches the aesthetic of her.“ You say, your phone pushed up against your ear and your shoulder as you look between the two outfits you picked out prior to today.

“Because y’know, this one matches the spring colors but this one looks more like something she’d enjoy, plus the small rabbits on it since she kind of looks like a rabbit herself,” You ramble your eyes darting between the two outfits.

“You don’t think you should’ve figured this out beforehand?” Gahyeon asks, slight amusement in her tone as she listens to you panic.

“I didn’t think it would’ve been this difficult.” You say, groaning in frustration.

“I think you should go with the second outfit. If it fits her vibe more, she’ll like it.” Gahyeon says, attempting to pull you out of your crisis.

You look over the second outfit once more, nodding at Gahyeon’s words even though she can’t see you.

“…Alright, I’ll go with this one,” You say, bringing the outfit into the bathroom with you as you get ready to change.

After a few minutes of getting dressed and triple checking your appearance, you leave the house, trying not to let your nerves get the best of you.

When you arrive at the cafe, you sit in your car for a few seconds to reassure yourself. You look over into the cafe’s windows, seeing Minji sitting down at one of the tables for two, looking as beautiful as ever.

You take a deep breath, grabbing the gift basket and flowers you picked up for her before you exit your car, closing the door behind you as you walk into the cafe.

Minji’s head raises to look at you as you walk in and make your way to the table she’s at.

Minji looks pleasantly surprised to see you, and she can’t help but notice how nice you look. She’s never seen you outside of martial arts, so this was a nice side of you to see.

“Hi,” She says, her signature bunny smile lighting up her face.

“You’re the person Gahyeon wanted me to meet?” She asks, slightly pushing the menu towards you as you sit down across from her.

“Yes,” You say, clearing your throat in attempt to calm yourself down. You hadn’t met up with anyone in a while, let alone someone you really liked.

“Well, you could’ve asked me yourself, silly. I would’ve said yes.” She giggles, finding you very cute when you’re flustered.

Before you can say anything else, her eyes brighten as she notices the gifts you brought for her.

“Are these for me?” She asks, and you nod as you hand her the flowers and the gift basket.

She brings the flowers near her nose, taking in the fresh smell. “Lilies,”

She looks back up at you, her face now showing a more soft and loving expression. “My favorite. How did you know?”

“Well, I remember you told me your English name is Lily. I figured you must like lilies.” You say, shyly looking down at the menu. The look on her face was enough to melt your heart.

“You pay attention to the small details,” Minji says, chuckling softly as she brings the flowers to her nose once more. “I like that.”

You smile. This is going great so far.

“Is this a gift basket?” She asks, setting down the flowers next to her and grabbing the small basket.

You nod, watching as she looks through the gift. “I made it myself.”

Minji pauses as she notices something in particular.

She reaches further into the basket, pulling out a small rabbit plush. She coos, looking up at you.

“This is so cute! It looks like the design on your outfit!”

She noticed, You thought.

“Thank you,” She says, hugging the plush close to her chest.

“Of course, you deserve it.” You say, and you can’t help but notice how beautiful she is.

“I feel a bit bad now, I didn’t bring anything for you.” She says, pouting softly.

“It’s alright, you didn’t know. I just wanted to make it clear how much you mean to me, past the training.”

Minji smiles at that, bringing her hand down to tap the menu in front of you.

“The least I can do is pay for your order.”

The meet up with your trainer went way better than you thought it would.

You and Minji seemed to have grown even closer since that day, having gone on a few more dates since then.

On one particular night, when you two were cuddled up together watching a movie, Minji suddenly paused the movie and looked deep into your eyes.

You’re about to ask her what’s wrong when you notice her looking into your eyes as if they held the entire solar system within them.

“Minji—”

“I wanna be your girlfriend.”

Your mouth shuts. Your eyes widen as you stare at each other.

“Minji, I…”

“I don’t know why I feel it so strongly in this moment, but I really wanna be your girlfriend.”

You smile softly, cupping her cheeks gently.

“Why so suddenly?” You ask, to which she shrugs, returning the soft smile.

“It just suddenly came to me as we were laying here together, in each other’s arms.” She said, leaning into your touch.

“I realized, I want to do this forever. The way I feel right now…I want to feel it forever.”

You’re left speechless as Minji confesses her love to you. No one’s ever said anything like that to you before. It made you feel so loved, so special.

You also wanted to feel that way forever.

“So…?” Minji says, slightly nervous at your silence.

You realize you’ve been quiet this whole time.

“Yes,” you say, nodding softly as you smile at her. “I feel the same way, Minji.”

Her eyes light up as she grins widely, pulling you in for a gentle, passionate kiss in which you happily return.

Now, you and Minji have been dating for almost a year.

Gahyeon was ecstatic when you told her, going on about how she’s basically cupid, and that you and Minji are basically her adoptive parents now.

You’d roll your eyes at her playful happiness, but hug her tightly nonetheless, thanking her for everything she’s done for you.

Dating Minji is nothing short of a dream. She’s the most caring, kind and beautiful person you’ve ever met.

Many people in the past have told you that the fuzzy feeling you get in a new relationship never lasts long. That you’d get sick of her sometimes just like you would with anyone else.

That was never true with you and Minji.

Eleven months into your relationship, and you still crush on her like the first day you met. That fuzzy feeling never went away, in fact it only got stronger.

When things would get rough, she would cook your favorite meals, get your favorite snacks, and cuddle you under the blankets while she puts on your favorite shows. She’d even sing to you sometimes.

Today was a particularly difficult day. Work had been stressful, you were very exhausted, and all you wanted was to hold your girlfriend and make it all go away.

As you walked into Minji’s apartment, you’re greeted by her two roommates, Siyeon and Bora on the couch, to which you greet them back.

As you walk further into the living room, you see Minji’s other friends, Dong, Yoohyeon, Yubin, and of course, Gahyeon, who greets you by jumping up and pulling you into a tight hug.

You admit that the sight of the lively home full of people you two are close with had helped a bit with your exhaustion, but you have yet to see the one person you’ve missed the most.

You walk into the kitchen, spotting Minji making dinner.

Your feet move before your brain does, and within a few seconds, you find yourself wrapping your arms around Minji from behind, burying your face into her neck.

Minji pauses, a small smile forming on her face as she realizes you’re home.

“Hi, baby,” She says sweetly, halting her task of making dinner as she places her hands on yours where they rest on her waist. “Rough day?”

You nod, taking in her sweet vanilla scent.

“Missed you so much.” You mumble, nuzzling closer to her.

Minji turns around in your hold, now facing you as she cups your cheeks and brings you into a sweet kiss, pulling away after a few seconds.

“Go ahead and shower, baby. I’ll bring dinner to you in bed when it’s ready, then we can cuddle, okay?” She says, her gentle hold on your cheeks never faltering.

You nod, wanting nothing more than to be held by her in bed.

She presses one last kiss to your forehead before you pull away.

A little while later, you’re in Minji’s bed, holding her pillow in your arms as it was the closest thing to her actual body.

Minji knocks on the door, announcing her presence before opening the door and shutting it behind her, holding a tray with a plate of food in her hands.

“Hey, baby,” She sets the tray down on the dresser next to her bed, climbing in next to you as you immediately wrap your arms around her and nuzzling close to her.

She smiles, holding you tightly as she runs her fingers through your hair. “Baby, your dinner.”

“I’ll eat later. Just wanna hold you,” You say, your voice slightly muffled.

Minji chuckles softly, nodding as she rubs your back. “Okay, baby.”

You two stay like that for a while, until you eventually find the energy to eat your dinner. Now, you and Minji are watching a movie together when you hear a knock on the door.

“Come in!” Minji calls out.

The door opens to reveal Yoohyeon, smiling as she sees you two cuddled up.

“We’re about to play Uno. You guys wanna join?”

Minji looks down at you, silently asking if you were ready for any outside interaction.

You nod softly, and you two get out of bed.

“Let’s see if I can get you to draw twenty again,” You tease as you follow Yoohyeon down the halls into the living room.

“I swear that was cheating!” Yoohyeon pouts.

“This better not turn into a screaming match again.” Minji says, playfully rolling her eyes as you three enter the living room.

[bumblesimagines]



i didnt ask you to care about me

what's the use there's no point

what is it about me that has you so worked up

- Javier Peña

i didnt ask you to care about me

what's the use there's no point

what is it about me that has you so worked up

pronouns: gender neutral, they/them

It was annoying. He was annoying. It was like everywhere you turned, there he was. Anyone else might've found it exciting to have the Javier Peña so interested in them with his pretty dark eyes and stupidly tight jeans. Who could blame them? Javier had natural charm and a smooth way with words. The women always flocked to his side, batting their eyelashes and believing everything that came out of his mouth. The men either loathed or respected him, sometimes both.

Not you though. You found it incredibly annoying how he always seemed to appear out of thin air, prodding you with questions ranging from how your day had been to when you'd last seen some of the members of the Cali Cartel. Javier had always been bold since the day you met him back when he'd been a brief ally of the Cali Cartel in an attempt to bring down Escobar. After the death of the infamous man, Javier turned his attention to Cali and you figured out his aim pretty quickly. He wanted an informant, a rat who'd keep his bed warm and his ears filled with details. Tough shit. You'd choose your life over a pretty face any day.

But it was incredibly hard when that pretty face popped up just about daily.

You didn't need to look to know he was watching from the safety of his car as you left the club and headed down the sidewalk. You could feel your heartbeat in your ears, but the persistent detective had nothing to do with it directly. His interest had been noticed and Pacho had given you what he called a warning although it had sounded more like a threat. Your eyes stung with unshed tears and you quietly cursed your brother's stupidity for involving himself in a cartel.

"Need a ride?" The car drove slowly down the street beside you, his familiar voice calling out to you. You couldn't help but wonder if he'd been doing it on purpose. If he'd been putting you in danger just so you'd be forced to take his offers of protection. Javier had always played dirty with his enemies, no matter who they were.

"Fuck off, Peña." You muttered and rubbed your eyes, forcing the tears away. You nearly groaned when the car stopped and its engine shut off, the sound of a door opening and closing echoing down the street.

"I only want to help you, (Y/N)," He said and you scoffed, shrugging off the hand he placed on your arm. Javier clicked his tongue and grabbed your arm again, forcing you to turn around to face him. His features softened at the sight of your face. "I'm worried about you, alright?"

"I didn't ask you to care about me! Stop trying to be a fucking hero. I'm not handing over my brother or anyone from that cartel. They... They help us. They protect us. We don't need you or anyone from that goddamn embassy." You tried shoving his arms away but his hand caught your wrist and he held it up to his face. Even in the dimly lit street, you could see the bruises forming. Javier's face hardened.

"They protect you, huh?" He cocked a brow and you ripped your wrist from his unusually gentle hold. The anger swirling around in your chest evaporated with the exhaustion of the night's events settling in. He watched you carefully, seemingly committing every inch of your face to memory. Pacho's words rang in your ears again and you turned your head away from the detective.

"What's the use there's no point in trying to help me, Javier. We're in too deep already but we're not useful enough to keep alive if they tire of us. All you can do is offer some bullshit visa to get to the states, and even then it might not be enough to escape them." You murmured quietly and raised a hand to your shoulder, rubbing the tense muscle and sighing softly. Pursing your lips, you looked back at him.

"What is it about me that has you so worked up? There's plenty of hookers who've been around the cartel... why not ask one of them? They'll be happy to tell you what they know for the right price." His eyes never left yours as you spoke. Javier's hand found your wrist again, thumb running over the bruises.

"You remind me of someone I knew. Someone who was willing to do anything for her family and was a good person." Javier revealed quietly. "The cartels nearly killed her. I can't watch it happen to you too."

"I'm not a good person, Javier."

"I don't believe that."

[celestoria]

Love Is Where The Wind Blows

Summary: He always assumed he’ll live a life without romance…until you came

Characters: Venti, Scaramouche (separate)

Tags: no gender specified pronouns, minor angst for Scaramouche

A/n: I was inspired by The Wind Rises, hence the characters. The movie is so cute and sweet arghhhhhh. It would have killed me with cuteness aggression if it wasn’t for the ending.

Venti

Venti lived for many years and had different identities, yet hasn’t fallen in love even once.

He knows what love is of course. To be a well-renowned bard, you have to be one with your emotions so your audience will be moved by your performance.

It’s just that he never related to his songs.

All his ballads were about other people. He’d observe people from afar how women lean on their lover’s shoulder as they sit around while enjoying each other's company and men holding their beloved close because they want nothing but her safety. Once those scenes spark his imagination, he’ll write a song about them to perform to the people.

But ever since you, something stirred in him.

At first, all he wanted was your friendship, something the ever-enthusiastic bard was fond of. He always spent time with him whether it be sleeping under the green leaves of Windrise, or crowded festivals where everyone had bright smiles plastered on their faces.

As time passed, found himself yearning for your presence when he’s in his favorite places in Mondstadt and he’ll find himself thinking about you when he mindlessly blows dandelion fluff.

“Is this what love feels like,” he thought.

————

That evening, another sleepless night cursed him. He found himself restless with the thought of you racing in his mind and if he did fall asleep, he knows you’ll be there to follow him.

With the bed feeling a little bit more uncomfortable by the second, Venti stood up and turned on a small lamp. The drawer slid open and he reached out for a blank piece of paper and a pen.

They say if an artist falls in love, they will immortalize their lover in their work. That way you can never die.

He was just about to do that.

How lucky both of you are. You caught the pure heart of a bard and he fell in love with a person you’d only meet once in a lifetime.

The next morning, Venti woke up with a complete tune and a rush of excitement for you to hear it.

Scaramouche

A heart.

It’s something Scaramouche yearned for since the beginning. He knew that if he had one to call his own, he knew what it would mean to be human.

He wanted to feel joy, excitement, and love. But what did life give to him instead? Pain, agony, and bitterness. Sometimes when tears fall down his porcelain-like skin, it’s as if he’s not worthy to feel such emotions.

After all, he’s just a puppet.

That’s why he thinks it’s bold of you to come into his life. Will you betray him the same way his friends and mother did? Will you be another addition to his tragedies?

The fear growing within him always told the puppet that those were bound to happen to him yet, whatever charm you placed on him, Scaramouche can’t seem to get rid of you. Under his snarky demeanor, he was scared of what the future would bring him but at the same time, he can’t wait to see every single moment that had you in it.

Scaramouche would find himself daydreaming about little strolls with you in the city streets, and how your warmth would feel when he has to share his hat with you in the pouring rain. He wanted to know what it would feel like for you to hold him in his arms after nights of spending them all alone. Moreover, he finds it delightful when he pushes your buttons so he can get that adorable little reaction of yours to surface.

Since you came into his life, it’s as if his dark, roaring thunderstorms turned into windy summer days. The same emotions still lurked in him but in a different light.

It was a pain that he fell in love with you, but he’ll never regret one bit of it. It was agonizing whenever you’d leave, however, he knew you’d always come back. Most importantly, it was bitter that you weren’t with him because he wanted you all for himself.

He accepted long ago his chest will never be a place for a beating heart to be in. However, he knew his heart will always be with you ever since the day you two met.

[makriiii]

A kinship, of sorts. (Frank Heck × freader)

Word count: 4.5k

Summary: As a member of the O’Driscoll's, the handy work for Colm led you places far and wide, which thereby led to meeting folks on a spectrum far and wide. As it was now, you found yourself having to choose between the life you wanted with the man you desired or escaping the life that chose you.

Authors note: This was initially a oneshot idea, which spiraled :') it's also so hard to find pictures of this man

Warnings: 18+, cursing, guns, nothing too bad yet..

Tags: Slight slow burn, found family, eventual smutt.

♡

(You can skip this if you'd like.)

This is something I've been thinking about writing for a while after I saw an old painting that gave me the idea.

I also decided I'd incorporate that plot into this Frank Heck fanfic I wanted to write, since I've never seen anyone write a fanfic about him (cries)

For those who don't know, he's a deleted character, but you'll see him on the collectable gunslinger cards in game. I think he's sexy hot and cool so therefore I will write down my fantasies about him🤑

Anywho, because he is a deleted character, and 1911 Jack only gives a short story about him, I believe he is open for a lot of interpretation.

So, I wanted to base heavily him off of Doc Holliday, of whom I also believe to be a certified sexy master, plus he respects women so I'm like aguhhh 😫 however Doc Holliday has an intellect and wit on a level I could only hope to match, but I will do my best :)

This is also something you could take to be part of y/n's backstory in caught. If you'd like it to be cannon or not cannon to the caught story, that's up to you since I didn't write anything about it in caught. I like to keep y/n's character open as much as possible, so you guys never feel alienated from any backstory elements of my own choosing.

But enough from me, read my story 😈

♡

"For the last time," grunted your fellow O'Driscoll, his tone serious compared to the two that chuckled lightly beside him as you rode up. "Get out of here kid, we got no business with you."

You raised a brow as you got off your horse to see what the commotion was about with your gang members and this... random kid.

He nearly buckled at the knees, his hands together in prayer. "But why can't I?" He begs, hoping his words would strike a chord. "I know how to shoot and steal! I can help you guys."

The boy, average in height and a bit unkempt, looked to be about fourteen or fifteen as he pleaded at the feet of Cormac. A gruff and often stern Irish man, not the one you'd go asking for things of this nature.

"You want to join us?" You question with a disbelieiving smirk. "What on God's green earth for?"

"Finally!" His sputtering siezed as he whipped around to meet your face, the one who let him speak his mind. Though you could tell he instantly questioned you due to your gender. "You ride with them?"

If the iron at your sides didn't make it obvious, you weren't sure what else would. "Sometimes I wish I didn't." You tried making it sound displeasurable, as he seemed to be one of the young men who liked the ideal of being an outlaw.

"Oh, please miss!" Now his badgering was directed solely towards you, but not before Cormac ruffled his hair harshly and pushed him aside.

He and your other two buddies scoffed in disbelief at the kids incessant pleading and started heading off, ushering you with them. "Colm wants this done today, don't waste your time on him."

You nodded, giving the kid one last glance before following them off the veranda.

Before you knew it, you felt your shirt being tugged at from behind, a desperate attempt and a ballsy show of determination.

You were quick to turn around and glare at the boys unduly behavior. "Now is that the best way to ask something of someone?" You question harshly, fixing your shirt.

Your buddies hadn't noticed your absence behind them, as they kept on in their direction, leaving you and this boy to conversate without interruption.

"You're the only one who seems to listen, so please hear me out, would ya?" His gaze turned soft and mushy, like you had just stolen and sucked down his candy. Tears were in the forecast if you weren't mistaken and here you were, feeling somewhat bad for him.

Glancing back once more, you finally engaged him fully. "Whats your name, boy?"

"Nathaniel. Nathaniel Clarke, ma'am." His voice shaky but hopeful.

"And where are your parents, Nathaniel?" That question seemed to shake him up more, though he didn't let it show for long. You could tell he wanted to be tough.

"Dead, Miss." His hazel eyes fixed on the ground as he dug his heel into the warped wood below him. "Doctor said he couldn't do nothin' for 'em."

"And this is the life you think they would've wanted you to turn to?"

Once again, no eye contact as he hesitated.

"I reckon not."

You huffed out a great deal of your guilt that was slowly building with each question. "Then take my advice and find yourself honest work. This ain't some rough and tumble fun, it's your life. Go find some cattle ranching work, somethin' or rather."

Breaking his eye contact with the ground, he finally met your eye. Searching for any semblance that you might change your mind. But now it seemed you'd finally broken and tamed the boy.

"I-" he mutters, perhaps now rethinking his decision. You gave him a bit of patience before checking behind you again, the rest of the boys nearly out of sight behind a building.

"Listen, kid, you wait here and think about it. If you're here when I get back, I'll consider it." You caved. Unwillingly, but you caved nonetheless. You saw in him yourself, and that did you in.

He shot up like a rocket and nodded, more than elated with that prospect.

"Okay!" He pumps his fist with victory and immediately situates himself on a bench no more than a few feet away. "I promise I'll be here when you're done."

The fire in his eyes and the excitement nearly made you smile, it was contagious, yet you knew what taking a path like yours would entail.

You turned and picked up your pace to catch up with the rest of the men, the walk giving you time to reflect.

As happy as he was, you could not share the sentiment for long. You debated wether you should come back at all. You didn't want this for a boy like him, his whole life still open as a plain. Not narrowed or dimmed to a single path of stone.

All you could do was hope he would find himself something better to do. Yet, the thought remained, if he didn't - would he find a different, possibly worse person to beg, one that would accept?

You felt responsible for a kid you had just now met, worried for his well being.

---

The town lay quiet and dim, only noises from the saloon sounded throughout the place. Fog had picked up and it was no doubt late.

You, Cormac, Conor and Willis were all far from home - or atleast the area that you were better familiar with. You were in Blackwater, the up and coming city where leads were plentiful.

"Whats the time, Cormac?" You asked, fighting off a yawn as you trudged through the slightly damp dirt below.

"Quarter to one." He responds, his voice heavy with exhaustion. The lot of you had just gotten done with an array of things. Gambling, negotiating and sorting some... 'pal's' of yours out. "We oughta get back soon to Valentine."

"Lest we want Colm to have our balls for it." Willis starts giggling while gesturing to his lower parts, which riles up Conor.

You couldn't believe the four of you were the ones Colm entrusted his most important work to. Perhaps Cormac and you, but Conor and Willis were just the two you babysat together.

Both of them had their humor, some of which you found funny, but not on this particular night. Cormac neither, though a bit harsh, he was calmer like yourself, leading to a better partnership between the two of you.

"No one unpaid would willingly take a look at those, but perhaps you'd both quiet down without them." You chime mockingly, rubbing your tired eyes. Not often did you stay up so late due to the trade off of getting up early.

Cormac stayed quiet, but you could tell he enjoyed your retort.

"We'd pay you to nab our balls! Itd be much more enjoyable than Colm doing it." Blurts Conor, getting quite the rise out of Willis. Their accents making them sound ever so silly.

Your horse was further away from where they had tied theirs, thankfully, leaving you guys to split not long after Conor and Willis's joking.

Cormac shoved Conor and Willis away toward their horses for you and nodded your way as you separated.

"I won't be coming back tonight to camp, I have business elsewhere, Cormac."

"That's fine. But Colm'll want you back in Valentine in due time." He replies, arranging himself to get up on his horse. "I'll tell him."

"Aw, don't tell us you're leaving again, y/n!" Willis pouts, whether he was serious or not you'd never tell. "She's goin' off to cheat on us again."

"With that Mr. High and Mighty?" Conor fires, annoyed in your choice of men.

"Who else you think? Dunderhead."

Conor slaps his friends shoulder, glaring. "Colm's gonna get fed up with your eloping soon, y/n."

"What can't two fine lads such as ourselves offer that he can?"

"Precisely. " Conor agrees, "two for one deal."

You sighed, they were cleaning your ears right off with all their badgering. "You both have a face only a mother could love."

"Ahh," Conor hissed out, "let me show you what a real man can do."

"Yeah and what about you taking a look at our-" Slapped upside the head by Cormac, he finally relented, a muffled snicker coming from him and Willis.

"Good riddans, you bothersome bastards." You couldn't help but laugh after all their talk, only to get shut down by Cormac.

You thanked him and made your way back to your horse. As you put away your earnings, aloof and in a rather good mood despite the fatigue, you heard soft snores.

You listened for a second, confused on whether you were hearing things or if someone was laid out sleeping close by. A drunkard probably.

When you peeked around your horse through the dark, on the bench, the realization slapped you in the face.

There was that Clarke boy. Asleep but stationed right where he promised he'd be.

Observing him for a short while, you thought on it again. The option of just leaving still available.

He slept peacefully. His hat over his face and his pistol hidden by his grasp on it.

It crushed you - the decision that was to be made. He had waited all day for you to come back. His determination from earlier evident, no lack of it at all.

Hesitating, you finally walked back up the steps and sat beside him.

It was quiet out, peaceful, despite the ambiance of the saloon.

You thought of what to say, of what his life would be like with the gang, with the O’Driscolls. You may ride with them but you didn't think them good. But that's why you rode with them, you weren't neither.

With a light shake on his shoulder, he jolted up, which took you by slight surprise as well.

He fixed his hat quickly and shakes himself out of his drowsy state. "You see? I waited!"

"So is evident." You couldn't help but smile at his excitement, but still the guilt ate at you. "I'll let you ride with me for a bit, but then, we are finding you a proper place of employment."

"You mean it, really?" He questions, his face serious but excited.

"I do." You got up, returning to your horse, the Clarke boy scrambling up behind you. "But only for a bit, you understand?"

"Yes, ma'am!" He stands to a salute instantly, demonstrating his understanding.

You unraveled your horses reins, rubbing her face lovingly before she kindly snorted all over you. Thanking her sarcastically, you looked over to the boy who still stood with proper posture.

Giving him a look, he questioned you back, unsure of what you were getting at.

"Your horse, boy, where's that at?"

He considered you for a moment, standing perfectly still before looking beside you and pointing at one of the critters tied up by the saloon.

Now you both stood there staring at eachother. Him, an innocent, mindless stare, and you, one that saw right passed it.

"So, you don't have one yet."

"Is there really any harm in taking from the bastards here?" He reasons, taking a stroll over there to examine his choices. "I'll take one who's ill-taken care of. It'll be like a good deed, no?"

"I aint got much of a problem with it, I suppose. Just don't get caught."

After you mounted, he had chosen his steed. A deep bay, not much bigger than your average quarter horse. A stallion, as it looked to be, was ribby and a bit weak looking. Under fed at best.

"You sure?" You affirmed, examining the horse and the Clarke boy.

"I'm sure. I like this one." He jumps on quickly, scanning behind him making sure the owner wasn't happening out of the bar.

"Right." You nod, kicking your horse into action, following the road out of Blackwater. "We got a long way to go."

You had heard rumors of another gang around these parts as of recent. Van Der Linde's gang. You knew of them, but hadn't run into them as of yet, and planned on keeping it that way. Especially now that you had this boy to keep alive.

Colm had always wanted you off anything that could potentially involve them. You were valuable with what you could perform and Colm wanted you to have no dealings with them.

"Where you takin' us?" The Clarke boy questions, no undertone of worry in his voice at the fact that he was leaving with a stranger. An outlaw at that.

"South." You relay after checking your small, brass compass. "Seein' a buddy of mine."

His new horse seemed to be having a bit of fit, perhaps due to the fact it was unsure of who was now on his back. The young boy seemingly more than capable to handle the tantrum.

His hands remained loose on the reins, patting the stallions neck, soothing him best he could.

Atleast the he had a handle on horses, you weren't sure about what else he had for skills, but you were sure to find out in time.

"Who's the buddy?" He questions, he wasn't afriad of asking too many questions.

You gave him a thoughtful look before deciding wether to tell him or not, though seeing as he would be meeting him soon enough, you let it be known. "Frank Heck."

"Frank Heck!" He repeats in a loud burst, completely focused in on you now. "You know the Frank Heck? The gunslinger?"

It was this particular reaction that had you afore contemplating. "I suppose so."

"How'd- how? You actually know him? The gunslinger Frank Heck!"

You sighed out deeply, leaving your reins loose to run your hands through your hair. You definitely were to have a case of hat head, bad at that.

"I mean!" He's positively gobsmacked. "I read stories about him, he's famous!"

"Why, yes he is. He's somethin'."

"I get to meet him? Really?"

"You do. Don't worry." You were tired, and unable to understand how he had so much energy at such a late time in the night.

You just needed to find a place that was safe enough for the both of you till morning.

-----

It didn't take long for you to realize that, your drowsy state from last night had your judgment lacking. Heavily.

You didn't have nearly enough supplies to get you to New Austin with the Clarke boy in tow.

It was enough to get you by - barely, but you'd both be sun baked human jerkies before getting all the way to Armadillo.

The sun just barely greeted the land around as you sat with the company of the crackling fire you had just revived.

Your horses snorted every so often, grazing on what little half dead grass there was around the edges of the plains. Your horse and Clarke's new ride got along well, which made things a bit better.

That boy was still sleeping soundly, on what looks to be rather uncomfortable. A saddle and dirt, but he made do. His mouth wide open, drooling on his saddle.

So far, you didn't mind the company, albeit the company did have quite a lot to say.

Mousing away from Colm and the rest of your gang was something you liked to indulge in as often as possible. Colm didn't like it so much at first, but eventually came to allow it once you did for him decent work.

Now on your mind was Frank. What has he been up to during the time you'd been away from eachother?

When you'd met him, you saw him as nothing more than the typical law hating gunslinger who dressed well enough to be gawked over. One who gambled with more than just money.

And now he offered you a way to spend your time that wasn't either traversing alone or traversing with O'Driscoll's.

While some of the men, like Cormac, were decent enough company, you didn't actively prefer their company.

Frank interested you and you, him.

When you had left, you mentioned you had business to attend to in Armadillo. He found himself relating, mentioning that he'd wait for you there.

You weren't entirely sure what would compell him to stay in a town like that, with the lives there being amongst the lowest you could come across.

Criminals of all kinds crawled about the place like fire ants to a hive, their presence easily detected by the pandemonium they caused. The Del Lobos also made their appearance quite often, the stars of the show. The scarlet fever outbreak helped none either.

"Aghh." Groaned the sleepy Clarke boy from behind you, effectively spooking you out of your thoughts.

He started coughing and spitting quite suddenly, for whatever reason for, was beyond you.

"Damn bug in my mouth!" Wiping his tongue off throughly.

"Put that in there for breakfast" You teased, pushing yourself up from the ground. "Figured you were hungry by the way your mouth was hangin' open."

"Did you really?" He gasps, staring down at the grasshopper who'd trespassed, crippled on the ground, twitching.

"I told you. Gang life isn't what you expected."

"You feed eachother grasshoppers whilst asleep?"

Teasing the boy was certainly something fun to do.

"It's how we care for eachother when food is sparse."

He watched you closely, trying to glean any deception on your face. "You're fibbin', I aint never read that in any of my books."

"Well, your first mistake is trusting those silly books. You usher him up with a gesture, to which he promptly obeys. "Your second is trusting a stranger."

"So you were fibbin'!"

"I might actually next time."

"I needn't that, Miss, dont worry." He was quick to relieve you of any such duties. "Hey, wait.."

You gave him a glance of acknowledgement, then continued packing your horse.

"What is your name anyway? You never did tell me." His curious nature reminded both yourself and him, that you'd never given him your name.

"Y/n L/n. You ain't oughta keep callin' me Miss, though." You answered, mounting your horse, now just waiting for Clarke.

"Payin' respect where respects due, Miss y/n." Nathaniel explained, "you were kind to me and took me in."

He watched the floor as he spoke, a long on him you couldn't quite place.

"Get on your horse, Clarke. I'm gonna tell you a story."

His was quick for his horse once you told him that. By the recollection of his books, stories were something that interested him.

"I'm all ears!" He chirps, his stallion quick to be by your horses side.

You click your horse forward to resume the direction you'd been traveling the night previous. "When I was younger, I wasn't so dissimilar to you. A bit older perhaps when I met someone who took me in."

He listened in intently, almost leaning out of his saddle for the rest that was to come.

"He was kind, at times, he gave me what I needed, clothed me, fed me... I'm here now because of it. But as it were, the man he seemed to be, was only ever temporary." Your speech drawed out at times as you recounted the earlier days of being with Colm O'Driscoll.

"I can't say he changed - that's who he always was. When I realized, I had already done myself in." You left the details bleak, the story flesh gapped, you didn't find yourself enjoying the retelling. "He did various things to me I wasn't fond of, but I did whats needed, and now I get off lightly at times. Like now."

"You can't just leave?" Nathaniel whispers, his voice at a lowest record volume.

"I try. Only ever temporary." You did your utmost to drive the point home that gang life was truly not something to be actively searching out for. "I do what I do for that gang, I have no choice, and I ain't want you nailed to the same chain."

He seemed to have a bit more understanding now, fiddling with his stallions hair as he pondered the words of warning.

You gave him his time to contemplate, shaking off the rest of the memories and regret that left your conscience heavy.

"Then what else is there for me to do? To live for?"

It hit you like a stream train. You quite honestly had nothing to say for a minute.

"My ma was a waitress, my pa, a retired Sheriff. They did their best with what we had but.." he hesitates, peering off into the cactus covered horizon. "It didn't last. So I had to figure something else out. Just, I don't know what now."

"You think bein' an outlaw is the only way?" You were light with any judgement.

"I think it'd give me something to do. I can get money, go west. That's where everyone keeps talkin' bout anyway."

The west. The golden west. That was the land of opportunity. A better path for the boy, no doubt, but the way he desired to aquire it, wasn't right.

"Keep yourself straight, kid. It wouldn't give you anything worth while to do."

---

Nathaniel was perfectly described as near ghastly, the time under the sun certainly showing it's toll on him now.

Just in the distance was the dim lights of Armadillo. It was comforting, in the sense that there was to be some sort of food and water. But the company on the other hand...

His eyes were shut, leaning back in his saddle, blind trust in both you and your horse. You gave him a pat on the shoulder, alerting him to the sight ahead.

"We're 'bout near our destination. You are aware of Armadillos reputation, right?"

"I read about it in the newspapers. It sounds exciting." Nathaniel announced proudly, as if this place was a party.

"Exciting?" You fret, unsure of just what exactly these books he'd been reading had been telling him. "Just stay close to me, and don't speak to anyone. I mean it."

"Whatever you say, Miss y/n. I swear to you."

Upon your arrival in town, the place wasn't nearly as quiet as Blackwater. Some occasional yelling, people of many various bearings spread about the desolate town.

You eyed Nathaniel, making sure he stayed close. Constantly scanning for anything that'd bring either of you harm, but also for a Frank.

"I'm so hungry.." He grumbles, rubbing his stomach as you dismounted and tied your horses.

"Me too, my boy, me too." You agree, your spurs jingling as you stepped up the stairs. "This place has food, but dont get too roused."

"You'll get me something?" He swiftly stomped up the stairs behind you and into the saloon to keep close.

"Well, seeing as you didn't like breakfast."

He snorts out a little snicker, taking a seat at the bar next to you. You could tell he was uncomfortable, his initial impression of the place hadn't come 'round like he wished.

The people of Armadillo gave you lot stares. The two of you sticking out particularly sorely.

You let him pick out what he wanted from the very sparse choices the bartender offered, ordering after him yourself a drink.

"Whats that stuff taste like anyway?" Nathaniel wondered aloud, his face getting much too close to your glass than it should be.

You flicked his hat up, having him scramble to keep it from flying off. "Like something you shouldn't be drinking-"

Two men interrupted your banter, Nathaniel's staunch attention now directed towards them.

"Hey, little lady." The man, rugged as a bear, leaning against the counter, stared a burning hole through you.

"She got a little boy here." Scoffs evily his partner, sure to add the observation.

"You aint from here, are you, amiga?" His voice heavy with a Spanish accent. You knew exactly what occupation he held by the gun belts adorning his chest.

You stayed quiet, observing him intently. You didn't want any trouble, especially not with Nathaniel in tow. He was thankfully keeping your rule in mind.

Their chuckles were sinister and breathy as they surveyed you and Nathaniel. They weren't out to make friends, hopefully not to kill either, but to intimidate.

The first Del Lobo raised his hand to touch your green scarf. Rubbing it between his fingers as he inspected it.

You'd forgotten to take the damn thing off, preoccupied with watching over Nathaniel.

His eyes met with yours as he stood over you menacingly, raising your chin up with his dirt smudged finger.

"Hey!" Nathaniel barks out his opposition, coming to a stand, his hand now resting on his revolver. "Don't you be touchin' her."

You sat him right back down, the two men reveling with the reaction they could get out of him.

"Keep your boy in check, eh? 'Fore he gets himself hurt." Hummed the first man, a sickly satisfied look in his dark eye. "You're an O’Driscoll, we dealt with ya before."

"Sure you understand we aint like visitors." Crowed the next, shorter and skinnier, yet just about as threatening.

"Why, surely that's not who I believe it to be." Came yet another voice, one soothing, a familiar silvery voice.

His hands laid themselves on your shoulders, a scent you could pick out anywhere quickly filling your nose. "My darlin', y/n!"

There was Frank. A sweet talker at times.

Nathaniel's eyes lit up as he saw the, well, in book terms, a legendary gunslinger, acting particularly comfy with you and nonetheless aloof as described in the texts. His whole body siezed with the whole situation, overwhelmed and not sure what he was to do with himself.

"Hello Frank," you greeted warmly, side eyeing the two men who seemed slighted by the abrupt arrival of this man. "I was beginning to wonder if we'd ever see you." You turn to embrace the man you thought of ever so fondly since you'd met him.

"Oh, I'd never mean to keep you waiting." he promptly apologized, "Now, what is it we arrange for you mannerly individuals?"

[jodilin65]

Tom said it poured while I slept, but there was no thunder. I was relieved to see those little lightning bolts disappear from the hourly weather app before bed.

I'm getting a little tired of this rat being so stinky lately. I don’t know why she’s been this way. Older animals can get leaky, just like older people, so maybe that’s it. She’s definitely having a harder time getting around, and maybe she’s just too lazy to get out of her hammock to do her thing. I still can’t believe how big she’s gotten. A kitten’s legs are longer than a rodent’s, but her body is definitely bigger than a kitten’s.

Been having internet connection issues on and off tonight and saw a couple of Spectrum trucks in the park earlier.

The burning is picking up again, and once more I’m left wondering if it’s the start of another UTI or just the usual "menoshit," as I call it.

I couldn’t find any more info on the homeless woman they found dead, but it’s still freaky that I had that “stabby” dream, only to wake up and see pictures in the park group of cops and forensic vehicles nearby. As far as we can tell, she was probably stabbed. 

I was telling Jessie about it. Haven’t heard much from her otherwise, but that’s just Jessie for you—we tend to communicate in spurts. We’ll exchange several messages, then nothing for weeks or even months.

I also had violent dreams last night. I was staying in a vacation home with three or four other women. We had just arrived and were bringing in our suitcases when I caught a glimpse of a guy sneaking in behind one of them. A gun was lying on a table nearby, so I grabbed it to shoot him but it wouldn’t fire, leaving us to tackle him with our hands.

There’s this person on PB who tried to pawn their Facebook link off on me for the second or third time. So I made a post saying that while I’m sometimes open to sharing certain socials on certain sites, Facebook is strictly for people I’ve actually met or have been cyber friends with for well over a decade. There are only two or three people on PB that I’d add if they wanted to, and one of them probably already knows about the account. I asked that people not take it personally, but I think they did because they haven’t been as chatty. Honestly, I’m kind of glad they've clammed up. I don’t care to gab with just anybody and everybody. They're not a bad person, but just like in real life, we’re naturally drawn to some people more than others. They just never interested me enough to really capture my attention. They're too doom and gloom for me. I get it. The US has really taken a downward turn. But does it really do any good to dwell on it? There's not much we can do about it but suck it up and hope that one day more sensible and sane people are in charge than these extremist nutjobs.

This other woman, on the other hand, is a different story. For the longest time, I doubted reincarnation for various reasons, but I try to keep an open mind. Unexplainable things do happen after all. How can I sometimes know the unknown? Well, I don’t know how, but I do. And even if I don’t know it detail for detail, I come eerily close a lot of the time. A violent dream right as someone is killed practically across the street? Hard to believe that’s just a coincidence.

I’m realizing more and more that the brain and our consciousness are separate things. The part of my brain that tells my limbs to move isn’t the same as the part that thinks about how tired I am. Speaking of which, I wonder if my exhaustion is from the antihistamine nasal spray, breathing issues, or both.

Anyway, whether reincarnation is real or not, I can’t say. I don’t believe but I'm trying not to disbelieve either. This woman wholeheartedly believes in it. She has written several accounts of remembering past lives during regression meditation. She’s been different genders and has even heard of people being animals—including a dinosaur before humans existed—or floating as a star seed entity in the ethers. She’s made a list of her remembered lives, their locations, and the centuries they took place in. In some cases, she even recalls old names, friends, and family members. If any of it is real, it’s fascinating!

Even though it sounds crazy, I try to keep an open mind. That’s why, in my last journal entry, I enlisted Chat’s help to see if I could remember anything. I have no way of knowing if anything that comes up is random or meaningful. But it does make me wonder about certain things.

Why do I have a driving phobia if I’ve never been in a car accident? Could it be from a past life? Did I fall in love with Maui simply because it’s beautiful and has great weather, or is there more to it? These are the things I’m exploring. The problem is, I don’t know how to tell if any "memories" are real or just random thoughts. Even in this life, there are things I think back on and wonder—was that real or just a dream?

I’m pretty sure I’ve written about that “creature” in the cellar of one of our houses, the kneeling figure lit by the nightlight by the rocking chair when I was a kid, and the bowl of coins (or whatever was in it) that seemed to shake on its own. I definitely don’t trust childhood memories. The brain isn’t fully developed then and everyone has weird, senseless memories that may not be real but rather bits and pieces of old dreams.

I’ve been exploring this person's journals, and when she told me she picked up French easily—despite it being a notoriously difficult language—then later learned through meditation that she had lived a life or two in France, it got me thinking. What about the things I’m drawn to? What about the things that have always seemed scary to me?

[fish-want-women-me-fear-me]

I’ve been working through gender and I had a short interaction recently that has been fascinating me. I was talking to a transmasc coworker about gender and the main question I asked was “what is it like to be a man on purpose?” I always grew up being whoever people told me I was and I was raised pretty heteronormatively, so I feel I grew into a man largely through inaction. For a long time I felt nothing at all about being a man and I’ve become increasingly conscious of a sense of hollowness in the aspects of my sense of self that have extended from that, which fed into some depressive tendencies that only started to abate when I began to take small steps away from masculinity. These steps have been thought about, doubted, pondered over, and required a large amount of going out of my way for, mentally and practically.

Going back to the question, the guy I was talking to said he wasn’t a man on purpose. He just was that way the whole time. He showed me a picture of himself when he was 7 and he was just about as masc as today. He talked about how some of the stuff I said bothered me about masculinity bothered him too, but masculinity was just a fact to him.

What really fascinated me about this is that, on an elemental level, he described exactly what I described: growing into a man largely through inaction. What for me elicits a sense of emptiness, he’s just fine with. I have an instinct to find this challenging. I often feel much more like I want to be a woman than that I already am one, so finding that his gender as a trans man was just about as easy to slip into as my current gender presentation as a cis man didn’t feel like great news.

I’m trying to fold this into a practical understanding of gender. On one level, we’re different individuals. He probably didn’t internalize messages given to him about who he was supposed to be as much as I did growing up, and that probably put him on a very different road of self-perception. I don’t know the guy that well, so I can only guess.

I’ve come to think it’s a difference pulled from the shape masculinity and femininity take in general. I don’t know a lot of cis guys who feel like they have to try to be men. This definitely is not true in all times and places and ways; masculinity has a lot of pressure attached to it and that pressure is exerted differently in different settings, but we do live in a society with a masculine default. I think a consequence of that is that it’s easier to get to masculinity without really trying, whereas femininity is tied very strongly to a set of beauty standards that don’t just grow onto your face. My girlfriend works hard as shit every day to uphold the practice of her femininity and to be able to feel beautiful and that is closely connected to gender. The cis male people I know in my life do their hair (optional). Being a fashionable man is a character trait, but for women it’s an expectation.

I have no idea how common that guys experience of being transmasc is and I have no idea how common my own experience of gender is, so I’m not confident my descriptions of these experiences have wider implications.

My takeaway is that the difference between me and that guy is not that I feel a need to work for my gender and he doesn’t, but that we both experience the masculine default and he’s fine with it and I’m not. Because he’s fine with masculinity and I’m not.

I find this affirming the same way I’ve found feelings of dysphoria affirming in the past. I’m not one of those known-since-childhood trans women who got caught with their moms dresses. I’m also not bad at being masculine. I’m pretty good at it, generally speaking. I have chronic fatigue, but if I was strong and could fix things I’d basically have all the boxes checked. This feeds into a lot of doubt and scrutiny and ruminating and questioning any feelings about not being cis, so sometimes being in a scenario where I’m violently uncomfortable about being perceived as a man can help cut through it all in a way that’s not necessarily pleasant but is kind of refreshing. Seeing that I do have a commonality of experience with a trans man and that he finds something I find depressing to be totally fine is affirming in a very similar way.

I mentioned that I feel more often that I want to be a woman than that I am one. I think I don’t feel like a woman primarily because I haven’t had the chance. If I want the chance, I’m going to have to do a lot of stuff on purpose. And that’s just fine, I think.

[topazadine]

Large and controversial opinion post

And a last thing, I am so fucking sick of the microlabel boutique label shit, which has been driving me slowly insane for years at this point.

I don't attach my entire personality and identity to my current sexual label, because sexuality is fluid and my feelings may change. I am a human being, and I experience growth, and I realize new things about myself all the time.

I used to identify as bisexual before realizing that I liked men in the abstract but every single relationship I had been in with a man felt performative and wrong, while every relationship with a woman felt soul-nourishing, life affirming. I now identify as a lesbian, and while I am sure this is my Final Boss of identity (I am in my thirties now, I'm pretty set in my ways), maybe it's not! And that's okay. It's okay to grow and change.

I worried a bit about what other people may think when I started identifying as a lesbian, but then I realized that their opinions don't fucking matter. Me realizing my own experience does not mean that bisexuality is not valid, because it definitely is. Me going on hormones for a while and then stopping when I realized that I'm an androgynous woman and not nonbinary doesn't mean that everyone else who uses gender affirming care is lying or will regret it.

(For the record, I don't regret going on hormones at all. It was a part of my journey and that's great. Shout out to Howard Brown Health Center in Chicago for being so rad!)

If you get so caught up in your personality being whatever you identify as at a time, you panic and get into an existential tailspin when you realize your feelings no longer match whatever that is. The smaller and smaller of a box you make for yourself, the more precise your definitions, the harder it is to get out of that corner.

Then you start to thrash around in cognitive dissonance, claiming that your label encompasses things it really doesn't, to the point where such a label becomes useless in the first place because everyone is defining it completely differently.

Labels are a quick shorthand for what you generally like. They are meant to easily communicate to other people who you might bring to Thanksgiving dinner (or who you won't). They are not meant to cram your entire expression and understanding of your sexuality or gender into one single word. Everyone experiences their sexuality a little differently, but we are all united by a general label that allows us to point out the highlights of our commonalities and leave the rest for closer exploration with those we care about.

My sapphic experience is different than other peoples'. I'm not a gold star lesbian, obviously, and while I knew I liked girls from a young age, I didn't realize how exclusive that attraction was. I couldn't separate platonic attraction for men (men can be rad! I like to hang out with them!) from my romantic attraction to women (woman are wonderful! I want to find myself a beautiful wife!). This is pretty common in our heterosexist society and it's nothing to be ashamed of (and it doesn't invalidate anyone else's experiences, these are my feelings).

And I take a long time to warm up to someone. I'm not banging on the first date, or even the fourth. I need to know you for a long time until I feel comfortable enough to get physical. Sometimes, I find that my feelings start to get too much for me when I really like someone, and I may pull away a bit. I don't have as high of sex drive as other people and it takes me a lot to get over myself and do it.

These are normal variations in sexuality. Many people are like this. And no one needs to know these things about me unless we are going to get down to business. I don't need to announce these things to anyone when I'm introducing myself to them because no one else cares unless they want to fuck me. Telling my deep and complex feelings about sex and love to strangers the instant they meet me through a label is fucking weird and TMI. All they need to know is "I like women."

It is okay to have mystery, incompleteness, and nuance in your sexuality. It is okay not to have words for things you experience. You are a vast and confusing individual who cannot be distilled down to a few words.

You will grow and change over your life, but you can't do so if you attach yourself to increasingly arcane labels that become a load-bearing component of your existence and are difficult to extricate yourself from. Please don't stuff yourself into a tiny box that might not fit you like some bonsai cat. You're doing a disservice to yourself and all your complexities.

[primusfortuna]

Liebe ⟡ Beginning of a Bond (04)

[01] [02] [03] [XX] [05] [06] [07]

“The Outcome of the Competition”

—PRIMUS CLUB - SITTING ROOM—

Some time after the competition between Liebe and Ymir began—

Emma: (Huh...? My hands feel kind of rough.)

Emma: (It’s probably because I’ve been doing a lot of scrubbing in the kitchen lately...)

Ymir: Great job today, Emma.

Emma: Oh, Ymir. You too.

Ymir: ......

He takes a seat next to me and gently scoops up my hand.

Emma: Y-Ymir?

Ymir: Here. It’s the handcream I sometimes use before going to sleep. Works like magic.

He massages a thin layer of cream over my skin.

The feeling of his big, warm hands makes my heart flutter a little.

Emma: Wow... That smells so nice.

Ymir: Right? It’s one of my favorites. For some reason, I get excited when I think about you wearing a fragrance I love.

Ymir: Also... your fingers look so beautiful when you’re working.

Emma: ......!

The second he redirects his massage to my fingertips, I feel my heartbeat race even more.

Ymir: Ahaha. I get why you might be tense, but loosen up a little.

Emma: (When you think about it...)

Emma: (Even before the competition, Ymir has always been one to pick up on the little details.)

Ymir: I’m sure this might be difficult for you, given we’re in the middle of a competition...

Ymir: But I think you should relax more. I’m not going to eat you or anything.

Emma: That will definitely be hard for me... Hehe, thank you for the handcream, though.

Ymir: You’re welcome.

[Liebe’s POV]

Liebe: ......

——Even though he and I are in the middle of a competition, that man is still taking care of his normal duties.

Ymir: I know just how hard you’ve been working lately.

Woman: Ymir, you’re the only one who acknowledges those things.

While I came here to look into Ymir’s actions, I find myself focused on the smiling woman next to him.

Liebe: (Top escorts... The kings of enchanting women, huh?)

(Flashback)

Man: That face of yours will make us money. Stand out in front of the shop as an escort.

??: B-But... I’m a woman.

Man: That’s only a problem if you get caught. Now go fix up your clothes.

Female Customer 1: I’ve been doing my best at work so I could come see you!

Female Customer 2: I’ll request you again for my next visit. Wait for me, will you?

Female Customer 3: Say, what if we met up outside the shop next time? It’ll be our secret... okay?

She would never belong to anyone. She would never let anyone touch her.

While only trying to hide her identity, her mysterious behavior charmed many. Dozens of women were enchanted by this untouchable flower.

Even though the flower herself came to love all the women who gave her their affection, and even though she devoted herself to their pleasure...

Female Customer: Y-You’re... a woman!? Unbelievable...!

??: N-No, listen...! It has nothing to do with gender! I genuinely love all of you—

Female Customer: What are you going on about!? You liar... How dare you make a fool of me with your tricks!!

The world where she charaded as a man was fragile, fleeting, and crumbled like a one-night dream.

(End flashback)

Liebe: (I always used to think, if only the girl I’d given my blessings to had been born a man...)

Liebe: (She would’ve gone on to be a top escort. She would’ve been better than any other man.)

Liebe: (But now... I’m not so sure anymore.)

The memory of Emma’s beaming smile when she spends time with Ymir comes to mind.

Trying to push away my unease, I softly close my eyes.

[Emma’s POV]

Work is done for the day. It’s time for me to announce the result of Liebe and Ymir’s competition.

Liebe: ...It’s time.

Ymir: Alright, Emma. Tell us who won.

Emma: ...Right.

Emma: (Liebe, who treats his partners with care, and shows it through words and attitude.)

Emma: (And Ymir, who’s sensitive to detail and very skilled at pleasing women.)

Who is the better man? I look between both Liebe and Ymir, then open my mouth.

Emma: I know you appointed me as your judge, so I’m very sorry... but I can’t choose who’s better between the two of you.

Emma: Liebe, Ymir, you both have good qualities in you that the other doesn’t.

Liebe: So you can’t choose...?

Ymir: Yeah, I was expecting that.

Liebe: ......

Ymir: What? You’re glaring into me like you’ve got something to say. That mad about tying?

Liebe: No... Ymir, could I talk to you for a second?

Ymir: Hm~? I don’t mind.

Emma: (What’s that about? I just hope they don’t fight...)

With that thought in mind, I watch as they walk away together.

← Prev ❖ Next →

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

143 of 2025

1. Post a picture of you?

Lol yeah. The best picture of me lol.

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

Well, I like young guys, but nope, it's too young.

3. Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?

No preference. Genders don't matter.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

We do it here all the time. Nothing unusual.

5. Can you commit to one person?

Well, I've been with my husband for 8 years and counting. Take your guess.

6. How do you look right now?

I just took a shower (really hot, helped a bit with my sinus pain since I caught a little cold) so I'm not really dressed. I'm going to bed soon anyway.

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

A t-shirt and underwear. You asked for it.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Every day. I also turn the radio on at work, but the radio music is boring like hell.

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Probably jeans. But The most I wear that "parachute pants" or whatever you call it.

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2016?

Ha, old. XD It was 9 years ago, if I remember well.

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Antisocial is a personality disorder, I can be at most asocial. I don't like many people around me, but I'm not a sociopath.

12. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

I would wish them good luck and that's it. No drama.

13. Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yes and no, however strange it sounds.

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

I can't drive at all.

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

No. I don't have time for bullshit, this is not a kindergarten.

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Probably. We will see.

17. When was the last time you cried?

When my beloved cat Victoria passed away. It was in 2023.

18. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yeah, my husband lol. He's 18 years older than me.

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Yeah, to pure green. I've always wanted green eyes.

20. Name something you have to do tomorrow?

Going to work.

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

Having to get up early.

22. Have you ever liked one of your best friends of the opposite sex?

No. I'm not into women.

23. Are you nice to everyone?

I'm trying to be. Sometimes it's hard, though.

24. What are you sitting on right now?

The couch in the living room. I just came back home from my physiotherapist.

25. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Lmao. I've been with my husband for 8 years and neither of us cheated. I'm asexual, so I can't be arsed anyway.

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes, but not in sexual way.

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My husband as he came home from the late shift at work.

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Nah, but I'm having a cold right now. Third day today, hopefully goes away soon.

29. Have your pants ever fallen down in public?

Lol no. Thankfully.

30. Does anyone hate you?

Probably, but I don't care anymore.

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to?

Yes, my sister.

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

I don't like watching movies at all. They make me fall asleep.

33. Are you a jealous person?

Not at all. I have no reason anyway, I just live my life.

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Probably the year where I became disabled for the rest of my life.

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Yeah, I did. I found my friend from the kindergarten (we haven't heard from each other in 30 years and I doubt it's going to change). I introduced her to my family and the person I was in a relationship with, but the guy was someone from my past, someone I used to have a kinda *crush* on, but he sadly killed himself at a very young age. (it happened IRL sadly, not in the dream. So in a dream he was alive and we were together) I was also in one of the places I used to play in as a child. Strange feeling, this place doesn't even exist anymore.

36. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

Yes, my dad and my sister.

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Lol I've been married for 3 years already.

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I don't know, but sorry, too late.

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

Probably my parents.

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Yeah, guys at work liked my cookies. But I had sinus pain from cold, so I was sleeping after coming back home.

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

I was already married ffs.

42. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

It's getting better in some areas and kinda worse in others. Nothing is really linear in life.

43. If the person you wish to be with were with you, what would you be doing right now?

He's sitting next to me. What kind of bs questions is all that. I really don't like how they are formed, like assumptions and not real questions.

44. What’s the best part about school?

That I graduated 15 years ago.

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

I don't even have Facebook.

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

I'm not in school.

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

All the time. My head is always full of thoughts.

48. Were you single over the last summer?

How many of these dumb questions yet? I counted at least 4 in one survey.

49. What are you supposed to be doing right now?

Nothing much. I might bake cookies again later on. Or cook a soup. Or both.

50. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive?

He's my dad, omg.

[pacexlikexaxghost]

❝Stars, my life probably would have been easier if I were aromantic...❞ Pearl mutters, though she feels guilty even saying that. She wouldn't trade what she had with Rose for the world.

But she also can't deny how much it hurt sometimes. But that's what made it so real, the feeling was- is- so intense that it causes particularly high highs and particularly low lows.

Pearl and Steven both also laugh at Valor's interjection. Greg is Jewish, so they don't really celebrate Christmas, even for Steven, but it's impossible to miss the holiday and it's songs come December.

She quietly listens as Flicker explains their terms, nodding. She's familiar with the concepts; she just didn't have those words for it. She would have assumed- especially based on the other terms- they would be called homosexual. Language is strange like that like; any number of factors could have caused a word to fall out of favor.

The statement that lesbian can be used by nonbinary and agender people gives her a moment's pause though, especially as they go on to note this is a way gender matters, and she quickly holds up a hand as she processes that.

❝Consider me L then as well, Stars. I hadn't even considered that.❞

It's not as if she's ever pursued anything with women, depsite Rose's downright encouragement sometimes.

She tolerated Rose seeing other people, with the relationship being open, but she had no interest in that herself. It never felt right, for other people to be part of their relationship.

She just didn't fight it past a certain point, because she couldn't be enough for Rose.

But it's not as if Rose pulled it out of nowhere. Insofar as humans caught Pearl's eye at all, it was always women (and usually the rare woman taller than her). And of course, other gems, who- as prompted this entire conversation- don't have genders, but do... appear feminine.

It's definitely not just a matter of the aesthetics of gender, because there have been plenty of more masculine women that Pearl had fleeting interest in.

To say nothing of Bismu-

No. No.

There was nothing going on with her. Bismuth was a best friend, and nothing more. Nothing more.

Even if... maybe it would have been different, if not for Rose.

No no no- This isn't worth dwelling on.

Steven frowns as Flicker says not everyone is lucky enough to get that. ❝Yeeeeah, that was... unhappy thing to find when searching it. I had no idea, really, that some people weren't. Like I said, it's all so normal to me, and the people here in Beach City have always been cool about it to the point where I didn't realize it wasn't normal until Connie said.❞

Pearl sighs, ducking her head. ❝That I knew about. Rose told me, ages ago. I... asked not to hear any further unless and until things improved. I spend enough of my life not being respected as a person; I didn't want to hear about how humans wouldn't treat me much better.❞

Rose told her to explain why it maybe wasn't a good idea to be open about their relationship around humans, which Pearl certainly understood, but it just made her avoid humans all the more. And was all the more reason for Rose to... wander. Her and Pearl had to be secret again, like so, so long ago.

It was agony, really. So she didn't want to know any further.

The comment about singular they snaps her out of that past pain, and she frowns. ❝Ungrammatical? What are they talking about? A singular they for indeterminate gender has been around since before modern English! And that's not even getting into how fluid language is! Even if something wasn't grammatically correct before, by consistent usage it becomes grammatically correct! I have not been around for the entire development of the English language and able to speak basically every iteration of it for people to say such nonsense!❞

Flicker's description of people's attitude toward aromantic and asexual people strikes a bit of a nerve too, and she winces, looking away. How many times did Rose try to convince her that it would be fun if she just tried it? That she would like it and get it if she would just try... The very thought made Pearl viscerally uncomfortable.

And it became yet another thing Pearl couldn't give Rose that Rose had to seek elsewhere. She was just never ever enough.

❝You don't need to apologize, Flicker. You're amongst like-minds here.❞ She smiles faintly. ❝I know back in the 60s and 70s Garnet was involved with some fighting on that front. She particularly likes telling a story about "rocket punching a cop down the street."❞

Valor grinned. "Oh hey we're also two of the A's!"

"Aromantic and asexual, both of us!" Flicker clarified.

"I mean, I guess it still is an antiquated term for joyful-"

"Make the yuletide gay," Valor interrupted, causing them to erupt into giggles.

"But," they continued when they got a hold of themself again, "Nowadays it's used to describe people attracted to the same gender they are. Lesbian is also that but specifically for women." They paused. "It's not as strict as that when it comes to nonbinary and agender people though. If they relate to the term lesbian then they can use that, even if they're not actually a woman." They tilted their hand from side to side. "Gender is wishy washy and weird."

"Oh!" they added, remembering how this conversation started, "That is a way that gender matters though! Some people are attracted to specific genders. In the same way that straight - uh, heterosexual if you don't know the other meaning of that word. You know. Men attracted to women and women attracted to men. In the same way that they're attracted to specific genders, so are gay and lesbian people, and bisexual and pansexual people can have more interest in some genders than others."

They laughed softly. "It's . . . honestly nice to know you guys are chill with it." They folded their hands in front of their waist. "I don't . . . always get that. A lot of people don't always get that. Some people have never gotten that." They looked at Steven. "You're lucky to have such accepting family." They looked at Valor. "We're lucky to have such accepting family."

They returned their gaze to the others. "But . . . strangers don't always get it. I mean, same-sex marriage isn't even legal here. There are fights to get it legalized, of course, as there's always been to get our community accepted, but as it stands right now, it's . . . not. And then a lot of people don't even know what nonbinary is or state that the singular they is ungrammatical." They rolled their eyes at thought. "Or they claim that it doesn't exist."

"Even aromantic and asexual people!" They tossed their arm out to the side. "They don't think it's possible to just! Not be interested in people! Always saying 'you'll find someone eventually' or 'you're just a late bloomer' or 'you're just saying that because no one's interested in you', and even the people who do believe that it exists think that it's sad instead of just another normal way to exist and-!"

They cut themself off when they realized they were tearing up and huffed, looking away and rubbing their arm. "Sorry, I just. It sucks. Anything that's not cisgender and heterosexual is considered strange and wrong and a lot of people don't accept it. And that's not even counting the people that have actually physically attacked or killed people in the queer community just for existing. So . . . yeah. It's always nice to find people that are chill with it."

Valor silently nudged his hand against Flicker's free one, and they took it. He had to deal with the people that didn't believe him about being aroace, too, and it sucked, but Flicker had to deal with that and the transphobia on top of it. Their romantic and sexual orientations didn't often come up, but Flicker's pronouns were used daily. More than once he'd gotten into a fight defending them. More often Flicker had stopped him from doing so, claiming it not worth the effort. There had even been times where they'd asked him to not even mention their pronouns at all, and he had to watch them grin and bear it the whole time they were misgendered.

He hated it. This wouldn't have been a problem in the demon realm. But instead they were stuck here with people that refused to listen and respect them.

Thank the titan Will, at least, was fine with it. And their closest friends.

He grimaced as Pearl confirmed about gems generally not being allowed to interact with organic species. "That . . . honestly unfortunately makes sense."

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Ask me Anything -- Tal Smithson

Have you heard of the magical girl genre?

Fuck yes, have you read Sailor Nothing? World-changing. Preneek. Literature. I mean we only have two thirds of it but they were a great two thirds.

If you had awoken in Captain Aspen’s situation, would you have waited as long to wake others up?

I wouldn’t have woken anyone up. I don’t think it would even have occurred to me.

Do you feel more lucky or guilty that you’re the only one to survive your Ring’s ejection? Sorry if this one is too personal.

Why would I feel guilty? I was asleep.

If this is not too rude to ask, could you tell me a little about the Brennan gender identity, and grammar around pronouns?

I don’t know what you’re asking. It’s just a gender. Some people are men and some people are women and some people are brennan. And some people are something else I guess, like Aspen or the Friend.

Did you have any pets, or tend to animals growing up?

I had a pet monitor lizard named Cthulhu.

Have you done any work salvaging preneek data?

Yeah I used to be involved in tracking down and scraping old hard drives and servers for any possible recoverable data. Fillmore! Episode 5, Red Robins Don’t Fly? That was me. I found AND recovered that. You’re welcome.

Would you download a car?

I did once but the machine shop wouldn’t build me anything from unverified files. Also I don’t drive, obviously. Also I have nowhere to put a car.

What is Neocambrian meme culture like?

What’s meme culture?

Do you think the developments with Amy are as wild as I do?

Amy makes no fucking sense, my entire life since waking up on this ship has been a fever dream. In fact I’m not entirely convinced it isn’t a fever dream. Possibly I went to sleep and the neurostimulator started making me dream to preserve my brain on the trip and that’s what’s still happening right now. We’ll all wake up at Hylara super disoriented and filled with years’ worth of false memories.

What do you think should be done with the colonists that are too affected by Amy when the ship reaches Hylara?

It’s hardly up to me, is it? They’re going to die. I’m not a necromancer.

Do you ever worry you are in some sort of preneek science fiction novel, or movie?

What kind of weirdo would write something like this?

You are good at being a cybercriminal, how did you get caught?

The police, as it turns out, are also good at catching a cybercriminal.

If you could bring sometimes from earth with you, what would you pick?

Reget Bryce. Fucking arsehole. I hate that guy. He should have to be on this ship.

Do you want to give some of your dreams to Amy?

No, I’m very glad to have woken up before that could happen. Although maybe if she had a brain that knew literally anything about computers she wouldn’t be such a fucking mess in there.

What you hate the most?

People who think Star Trek and Star Wars were alternate names for the same franchise and totally fuck up our databases through unnecessary combinations. No Spock wasn’t a Force user. That took so many months to fix.

Are you scared of being made into a slave when you land?

I honestly don’t see how things are going to be significantly different to our current situation, except that we will be on the ground and presumably have less gaming time.

Kill someone innocent or be killed? Choose one.

We’ve got like four thousand spare innocent lives on hand, it’s not like it’s a limited resource. I probably will end up fucking up and killing at least one of them anyway. Just based on probability and this fucking nightmare of an AI.

Have you even be out of Texas?

Yeah I went on this submarine trip once to follow an old internet cable we discovered in the hopes that it would lead to some interesting server with some interesting information. It didn’t. It just lead to a small bunker from the time of the collapse, a seal had been breached and the entire thing was flooded. Nothing electronic was recoverable. There were some cool skeletons in there though.