#(funniest possible ship name btw)
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Collection: Fluffity Fluff Exchange 2024
Ships: Peg Hunnicutt/Hawkeye Pierce, BJ Hunnicutt/Peg Hunnicutt/Hawkeye Pierce
Rating: E
Word Count: 18.8k
Note: Happy creator reveal day!! :D So thrilled that I got the opportunity to write this for @onekisstotakewithme as my official first ever punnihawk fic. I had such an amazing time!!
When Peg slowly tips her head back down, there is something about the tentative lift of her brow that makes Hawk hold his breath. "Hawk, I'm going to ask something of you that's incredibly selfish." Hawkeye leans closer as he drops his voice. "Name it." Her cheeks are flushed again. Her lips part. Whatever is going through her mind seems to be difficult for her to put into words, and goddamn, Hawk knows he's plenty selfish enough already, but he still can't help but hope that they're on similar pages, that her desires have everything to do with...with them. Taking a chance. It's petrifying to imagine—if they're not compatible, what happens to Hawkeye and BJ? What happens to BJ and Peg? But it's even more uncomfortable to think of a world where Hawkeye buries his desire to be close to her any deeper than he already has. He's contemplating so intensely that when she does speak, it takes a moment for the words to have meaning. "I want you to come to bed with me."
When BJ's journey home is delayed after his first weekend away since the war, Hawkeye struggles to sleep and Peg meets him right where he's at with an invitation that will change everything.
#god this was a ride and a half to get out into the world huh#once again i was consumed with the visions and had to chase them all the way to the end smh word count#all i know is i wanna be here with you from now on#hawkeye pierce#peg hunnicutt#bj hunnicutt#punnihawk#peghawk#(funniest possible ship name btw)#my writing
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so i wont send a link bc those are sketchy but PLEASE go look up eggomusic on tiktok and watch their first pinned video its going to heavily impact the daycare attendant fandom (in the funniest way possible)
HELPPP okay i did check them out and i see what you mean
when you say its going to heavily impact the daycare attendant fandom, i can see two possible outcomes: 1) people just start associating the song "sorry, i fell asleep" with him more (which btw goated song, i remember listening to it all the way back in 2019 so its bringing back memories) or 2) the moon x all might ship just skyrockets
(also here's the tiktok in case people are curious)
#im 99% certain when you sent this ask you were definitely implying that moon x all might will get more popular#but i cant help but suggest the more tame option#mostly bc i want more people to associate that song with him. its a nice song tbh#also im hoping this is the video you were referring to#if not thats a little embarrassing for me#god i love this fandom#i get the funniest asks sometime#i really do appreciate how you didnt drop a sus link and just forced me to do the research myself#fun side quest#anyway yeah this was fun#ask#dca fandom#security breach
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i'm curious, what are your top 10 favorite rinharu moments in high speed and high speed 2?? i love the books. i don't understand why people say is impossible to ship rinharu if you read them...
Lmao who are those “people”? As in multiple? And are they from Mars? I do not get this. You cannot be serious. You probably meant “impossible not to ship”?
I don’t know about top ten, I love all of their interractions tbh, they just remind me of my fav type of romance in general. I know what are my top 5 I think, but after that I love everything, so it’s hard to rate.
1. My absolutely favorite moment will forever be the one, where Rin describes the way he sees Haru in the water, I’m seriously forever in awe, because, I’ve read a lot of books, and like... even period dramas got nothing on Rin Matsuoka, when he describes the love of his life. I mean, seriously, find yourself a person who sees you the way Rin sees Haru lol
Rin felt like he was touched by the light, that surrounded him with warmth. He turned around to see Haruka, who was glowing. Shining. Haruka was shining with every strong and confident stroke that he made. The outstanding energy, emitted from him, surrounded Haruka with the dazzling light and Rin froze, unable to look away. Rin’s heart was beating so hard in his chest, that he forgot how to breathe. Haruka stole his heart. And the further away he got from him, the more distance grew between them, the more uneasy Rin felt, like he was losing the control over his emotions. He was possesed by Haruka’s shining. His strokes looked as if he was hugging the water, his leg movements were so effortless and so elegant, as if water herself was moving him to the finish line. But in all these deceptively smooth and unhurried motions were so much strength and power and such incredible speed, that all his opponents didn’t stand a chance. His swimming was that transcendent reality. He was like a bird dancing in the sky with its wings spread wide.”
Dude... I’m like... still speechless. I mean, and not just this, but everytime Rin talks about Haru, even when he jokes about his stupid habbits, you still feel that he finds him so beautiful, inside and outside, that it just makes my heart melt.
2. When Aki tells Rin that if you put him and Haru together, you get a perfection.
“That guy has no sense of humor. He should learn by watching me, don't you think?" Rin joked lightly.
Aki laughed a bit at his words. "It's true. Add the two of you together and divide by two, and it would be perfect."
But I mainly love that moment, because like... Aki starts telling him, that Haru is not what he's pretending to be (like for some idiots in the fandom who call him selfish, that was the explanation for them xD) and how everyone always want something from him, and he never asks for anything in return and doesn’t have anyone to lean on (yup that’s what I said all along, too, with Makoto’s dumb behavior in difficult situations, he’s on his own there lmao). And she waits for Rin to deny it or like be surprised, but it turned out that that’s exactly how Rin sees him and that he cracked him from the very beginning. BTW, here’s your addition to the ask about Rin loving Haru for who he is and seeing him for who he is. I’m just in love with that moment, because I’m happy that he just... not only he knows him, but bc he’s not one of those many idiots who just don’t get it.
"Nanase-kun seems like he can do anything all by himself, doesn't he? He's good at studying and sports and even art. He really can do anything, right? That's why everyone relies on him, but it would really be something for Nanase-kun to rely on anyone, wouldn't it?"
Rin certainly thought this was true. He had only just transferred, but the image that Rin had of Haruka was exactly that. But even if Haruka didn't have the will to go out and get involved with other people on his own, it wasn't like he was completely isolated. On the contrary, he was considered the most reliable person in their class, and when people relied on him, he always did his best to meet their expectations. This was the strange balance that people around Haruka had to maintain.
3. The one when Haru calls Rin by his name for the first time. And I honestly for some reason didn’t even realize that this moment was in the anime until my 3rd rewatch (lol), but, man, little Rin’s reaction is the most adorable ever. I cry.
4. When Gou meets Haru for the first time and immediately goes “ah so you’re Haruka Nanase, the one, who my brother talks about 24/7...‘Nanase is so cool, Nananse is so fast!’” and Rin just goes red lmfaaaaaooooo.
5. When Haru says that he feels the fever running through his body each time he just sees Rin, but he doesn’t understand what it means... ahem.... OH WELL
6. When Rin tells them he’s leaving and Haru gets absolutely furious and calls him a selfish jerk, but then he feels his legs giving out and he thinks that he needs to be in the water, but then he realizes, that for the first time in his life it won’t save him and he’s so lost and fucking crushed. "you can’t just mess up my whole life and leave me like that” and “this can’t be true, I can’t be this weak.” aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa fucking hellish angst... that mix of emotions was seriously hideous, at first he was so confused and in denial, he couldn’t even think, he literally went “who is leaving?” and then it just all blew up. Poor baby.
7. Just all the little moments, when Rin notices everything Haru does and falls in love a bit more each time. Like when Haru slowed down, when he saw that Nagisa is having troubles of keeping up with him.
Nagisa was earnestly trying to keep up with Haruka. If he kept up that pace, he wouldn't be able to run next to Haruka for the whole trip. That was how it had been yesterday. Nagisa's breath was coming short, and when Haruka saw him slow down a pace, he lightly turned his eyes downward. I guess that's as far as he goes.
A sigh mixed with Haruka's long breaths. Then, by just a tiny increment, Haruka let his pace slacken.
"Oh?" Rin said quietly. Haruka could almost hear him saying "You're so nice, Nanase," and he tsked inwardly. Nagisa caught up to him, smiling as if it hurt a bit. It looked like he'd lost the energy to keep talking.
Just cute, and they watched each other all the time, it’d be a bitch to count each one, but god, all of them were cute.
8. All the moments of Haru pulling Rin’s pigtails... hilarious, especially the RinRin one, but the funniest and my favorite was when Nagisa turned to Haru to ask him for a permision to call Rin Rin-Rin, like... all the rights to Rin belong to Haru and vice versa lmao I agree. “I’ll allow it” lolz shut it, Haru.
9. This moment: “Something happened inside of him that made Haruka incredibly angry, he was so pissed, that he didn’t even want to swim anymore. To think that someone like Rin could make him feel such powerful swirl of emotions and make him such a mess... he felt disgusted with himself.” Yeah, Haru, love is dat bitch when you’re 13 lol
10. The one where Haru whispers “sorry for making you feel that way” to Rin? The one where Rin’s grandma doesn’t want to go to see the relay, but then she suddenly does, when she finds out that her grandson’s future husband is in it? The “he at that moment realized that the only thing Rin was concerned about was Haruka” one? I don’t fucking know, you pick haha ANY MOMENT, ALL THE MOMENTS XD
______
BUT in all seriousness, I do not get how you can love Makoharu after the novels. Like do people just ignore these moments:
“Haru waved Makoto off like an annoying fly”, “feeling annoyed by his obnoxious care, Haruka went right past him”, “feeling like Makoto’s smile could turn into tears any second now, Haru turned away and went to the showers” (fuck this shit I’m out lmao), “complitely ignoring him, Haru kept walking”.
??????? is this... does anyone find this amazing??????!!!!!!!!!!!
Or when Haru was literally fucking losing it, cause Makoto just repeated everything after him and how he just lost all the respect in that moment.
“I feel like I should also get into running.” Makoto said it as it was a joke, but Haru knew for sure that it wasn’t. More than that, he knew, that Makoto was going to ask him that ever since the moment he found out that Haru was running this morning. Haruka fel annoyed, because he couldn’t find the excuse to refuse him.
Or this moment:
“Makoto was late and Haruka didn’t have any reasons to wait for him. Makoto can catch up with him on the way, they’ll meet at the swimming club either way. For both of them it’ll be better, if Haru went by himself, than stood there and waited Makoto, slowly losing his temper.”
“Haruka felt uncomfortable, cause Makoto looked at him, as if was a weak”
Or this:
"Did you know I was going to come out here?" Even though he knew it was impossible, Makoto couldn't stop himself from asking.
"Nope."
"Then, why…" are you standing in a place like this?
"Watching the sunset."
and I can go on and on and on
and the fishies... oh my fucking god, the fishies
***
I’m just saying, all these moments are not even funny. My point in all this, that like no matter how much Haru loves Makoto as a friend... or got used to him is what I personally think, I don’t think he’s ever gonna idk how to say this... respect him as a human being? admire him? And this whole situation... I just can’t appreciate such kind of relationships even in a friends way.
1stly because Makoto’s behavior in general makes me have war flashbacks to some of my real life experiences (and yeah, I confess, it affected me and that’s why I don’t like his character a lot; because I don’t think many people know what it’s like to deal with these kind of people in general). 2ndly, cause Makoto fans keep trashing Haru and many call him selfish bc of the way he treats him, but what they don’t understand is that if it wasn’t for Haru being this harsh, Makoto would literally became even doormat-y than he is now (yes, it’s possible lmao).
P.S. my favorite in the novels tbh is all the Haru “I’m surrounded by idiots” moments, like when they started to dig the frozen soil with little scrapes and he was looking at them like they’re morons and then just silently walked away and came back with a giant shovel... “if you keep doing this with your tiny scoopers, we’re gonna be here all night” and they then they just watched him as he did everything himself LMFAO I just love him so freaking much. I also think his relationship with Nagisa are incredible and so underrated, since it’s a huge and incredible part of the books. I just keep saying, Haru’d be an amazing dad, so I can’t wait for him and Rin to adopt xD
P.P.S. And what about the Free! novelization????!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAA
#answered#anonymous#rinharu#harurin#Free!#free! iwatobi swim club#free#rin matsuoka#nanase haruka#sharkbait#Haru x Rin#rin x haru#did i not get something? wasn't the high speed a horrible thing for mh?#cause it seemed like that to me
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Marvel Cinematic Universe: Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Does it pass the Bechdel Test?
Yes, once.
How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?
Seven (30.43% of cast).
How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?
Sixteen.
Positive Content Rating:
Three.
General Film Quality:
Significantly flawed, and well-known in fandom for it. Unpopular opinion? I still think it’s better than the first Avengers film.
MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:
Passing the Bechdel:
Natasha and Laura pass in a single-line trade. It’s sooo close to not counting.
Female characters:
Natasha Romanoff.
Wanda Maximoff.
Maria Hill.
Helen Cho.
Peggy Carter.
Laura Barton.
FRIDAY.
Male characters:
Tony Stark.
Steve Rogers.
JARVIS.
Thor.
Clint Barton.
Strucker.
Pietro Maximoff.
Bruce Banner.
Ultron.
Sam Wilson.
James Rhodes.
Ulysses Klaue.
Heimdall.
Nick Fury.
Erik Selvig.
Vision.
OTHER NOTES:
Everyone talking about Strucker like we already know who he is...
The “Shit!”/”Language!” gag was funnier before they hung a lantern on it. Not least because it takes almost a full minute before Tony harks back to it (fifty seconds, actually. I checked). If you’re gonna make a Thing out of it, you gotta follow up immediately, not after fifty seconds of cutting around to different character intros and action shots and a whole lot of other dialogue.
Urrgghh, ok, I’m going to break my standing rule about not discussing source material, because we gotta acknowledge the colossal wrongness of re-writing the Maximoff twins - canonically Jewish Romani - as willing volunteers in a Nazi science experiment. It gets worse the more you think about it. There are a few things about this movie which generated significant negative outcry, and this incredibly offensive decision is one of them.
Tony and Thor fighting over who has a better girlfriend does have a certain charm to it. If you’re gonna have a testosterone-off, it might as well be about how great your partner is.
I got a zero out of ten on this out-of-nowhere forced romance crap with Natasha and Bruce. We’ll come back to this later.
“I will be reinstituting Prima Nocta,” Tony declares, as he prepares to lift Thor’s hammer and thereby theoretically take charge of the Nine Realms. Primae noctis (believed to in fact be a myth) refers to a supposed Dark-Ages law that granted lords the ‘right’ to take the virginity of any newlywed peasant woman who lived on their land. So, this is a wonderful little rape joke from Tony (or, y’know, not so little, since primae noctis in reality would make Tony a serial rapist). Ha ha ha ha. Hilarious. Good one.
I’m really mad about the parts here that are total garbage, because mostly, the revels sequence has a nice low-key quality to it, good solid team dynamics.
I can’t fucking believe that they played the ‘and then Bruce falls with his face in Natasha’s cleavage!’ gag. I cannot believe it. Is this a disgusting frat-boy comedy from the nineties?
Honestly, Tony, just shut up and admit that you KNEW from the get-go that it was wrong to try and make Ultron happen (that is why you kept it secret from everyone else to begin with); don’t try to defend the decision now that you’ve got a ‘murderbot’ on your hands. Take responsibility for a bad choice instead of talking shit about how you had to and everyone else is just too short-sighted, damn it!
Andy Serkis is delightful.
The Iron Man/Hulk fight absolutely KILLS the momentum of this film. It goes for way the fuck too long (eight minutes) and has no narrative significance at all. Pro tip for action scenes: they should always be driving the story somewhere. You can pull off eighty minutes of action so long as your plot is advancing alongside/within it.
Also, Iron Man causes a huge amount of additional damage during this fight, in the service of the aforementioned pointless action. His efforts to minimise Hulk’s effects are extremely poor, and calling in his relief organisation to clean up after the fact does not negate that.
Gotta love that throwing a wife and kids at Hawkeye at the same time as we suddenly start pushing this Natasha/Bruce thing. That’s not transparent at all. I also understand this to be a major deviation from Clint’s identity in the comics, and very unpopular with fans for that reason, but regardless; reinventing him as a family man to reset the romantic blather after baiting fans with the possibility of Clint/Natasha in the first Avengers movie is such a shitty move. I was not invested in the ship myself and would have loved to have them reinforce the just-friends relationship between Hawkeye and Black Widow, because there are not enough platonic friendships between compatible men and women in fiction, but 'they’re not interested in each other because they’re busy with someone else!’ is a weak reinforcement indeed. Less forced romances, and definitely less token wifey who exists for no other Goddamn reason at all. This comes out of nowhere, and not in a clever-surprise kind of way.
“You still think you’re the only monster on the team?” Natasha says, after telling Bruce about her sterilisation. This earned a HUGE backlash, and for good reason - despite all arguments about how what Natasha meant was that her being raised to be an assassin makes her a monster, the direct implication of her words as they are phrased and as the discussion is structured is that her inability to have children makes her monstrous, and that’s deeply offensive. It’s also completely in keeping with a narrative which is often played out against women, in which their value as people is attributed directly to their ability to produce offspring, so it’s not even like this outrageous implication of monstrosity - the corruption of what it means to be female! - is that unusual. It’s awful, but not unusual. Add on the fact that 1) Natasha’s nightmare-flashes specifically foregrounded her sterilisation over all other details of her training, supporting the idea that she believes that it’s what makes her irredeemable (instead of, y’know, all the murdering and stuff), and 2) this is Joss Whedon’s work and he is OBSESSED with highlighting the womanhood of his female characters and treating it like their defining trait while also variously punishing them for it, and you’ve got every reason to interpret this terrible fucking line as exactly the heinous thing it (presumably, unwittingly) seems to be.
Steve ripping a log in half with his bare hands is the funniest thing in this whole movie.
Thor’s brief side-adventure with Erik Selvig is pretty out-of-place. He just...goes for a swim in a convenient magic pond that Selvig chances to know about. Seems normal.
Ultron is full of such boring, empty rhetoric. Reminds me of Loki in The Avengers, with all that sound-and-fury.
I love Paul Bettany.
Man, they sure do find Natasha instantly. It’s almost like making a damsel-in-distress of her who needs to be rescued by the team was completely meaningless...
Breaking my no-BTS rule (since I already have done for this movie at this point) because it’s well-known how Joss Whedon ordered Elizabeth Olsen not to show exertion or ‘ugly emotion’ on her face in this film, because God forbid she compromise her attractiveness by being human. Joss Whedon is not human; he’s fucking trash.
The final fight sure does just, y’know, get to a point where it ends. They really did not ratchet up the tension over the course of the Sokovia conflict, it just goes along until it stops (also, they say Sokovia is a country, but then they never call the city anything else, it’s just Sokovia. Is the city conveniently named after the country (very confusing), or is it a city-country, like The Vatican? I kinda assume it’s option three, which is that no one bothered to care because it’s just some fake European placeholder anyway and we’re not supposed to notice such a dumb oversight).
“I was born yesterday.” This is the best quip in this whole thinks-it-is-way-wittier-than-it-is movie.
Helen Cho deserved better than to be a prop rapidly dismissed and then just trotted past at the end for an ‘oh, she survived, btw’.
Back when I reviewed the first Avengers movie, I said that I considered that film to be heavily overrated, so maybe it’s not such a surprise that I actually like this one better. The two primary problems I had with that first film were the overly simplistic plot, and the fact that most of the characters were OOC compared to previous films, and this movie does do better on both scores, so I feel more engaged by it, and less annoyed. That said...this movie has still got a lot of problems, and those include iffy characterisation and a plot with various holes, nonsensical complications, and conveniently ignored or smoothed-down dynamics. When I say I like this movie better than the first one, I mean just that: I like this better. That does not mean I am here to sing its praises.
The tacked-on romance is part of the problem - for Clint as well as Natasha (but especially for Natasha). After Hawkeye was so heavily under-used in the first film (and his slightly-ambiguous relationship with Black Widow was the only human element that made him a character instead of a prop), Age of Ultron attempts to compensate by giving Clint a personal life, in the form of a magically-appearing heavily-pregnant wife and a pair of nameless children. The function of this family appears to be 1) to give Clint a reason to not be interested in Natasha, and 2) to ‘humanise’ him by giving him something to fight for and get home to, because we all know nothing legitimises a character quite like some otherwise-irrelevant dependents. Want a man to seem lovable and important? Give him a pregnant wife. That’s what women are for, anyway, right? To enhance a man’s story? In this case, to provide a man whose purpose in the story has been contested with insta-personality, because ‘he’s secretly a family man, ooh, twist!’ is way better than having to spend time on giving him something to do in the plot that is actually meaningful in some way. Great logic. Makes Hawkeye super dynamic, right?
Natasha, unsurprisingly, is hit much, much harder. As the only female avenger and one of only two prominent female characters in a cast which has seven-to-nine male characters of equal or greater importance/screen time (YMMV on whether or not you think Fury and Vision count for that list), the pressure is already on for Natasha to be served up a quality narrative, because if she doesn’t get one, well...she doesn’t have six-to-eight alternative characters to pull the weight for her gender. The best solve for this problem would be to avoid the ‘Token Woman’ cliche in the first place, but since we missed that boat...not having the personal story of your only primary female character revolve completely around her womanhood and her catering to heteronormative expectations of a love interest would have been a good choice. This weird, forced, chemistry-free thing with Bruce Banner? Was the worst thing they could have used to define Natasha’s presence in the film. It sticks out like a sore thumb every time they have an awkward interaction, and it leads in to that atrocious ‘monstrous infertility’ element (though that particular egregious mistake could have been included with or without a romantic blunder, it...probably wouldn’t be, and we’d all be the better off). Even the Hulk-whisperer part of the relationship - while not awful on its own with all the unnecessary romance and Unresolved Sexual Not-Tension removed - serves to highlight Natasha’s female-ness by making her the soft maternal figure for the team, because God forbid one of the other male members of the team be asked to ASMR-speak to the Hulk while delicately caressing his hand. If Natasha’s presence in the first Avengers film leaned too heavily on her gender identity as a defining trait (and it did), this movie doesn’t fix that problem at all: it doubles down on it.
The good news for most of the excess of male characters is, they by-and-large don’t feel as OOC as they did in the first film. The boorish romantic entanglement aside, Bruce Banner is still a naturalistic character highlight (all credit to Mark Ruffalo, who probably doesn’t know how to turn in a bad performance in the first place), and Thor’s dialogue is way less ridiculous this time ‘round, so he lands a lot closer to his personality from previous films simply by virtue of sounding like the same guy (unfortunately, the plot does not have the faintest idea what it wants to do with him as a character). Steve Rogers is still being written as if being Captain America is his character, which is a fundamental misunderstanding of his identity, albeit one which conveniently allows him to behave in a stereotypical self-righteously bland manner, thus avoiding the need for any nuance in his perspective or actions. This borderline fanfic-flamer ‘Captain America is my least favourite character so I’m going to write him as a boring stick-in-the-mud and then hopefully no one else will like him either!’ approach doesn’t grate quite as badly as it did in the first Avengers, and it can’t cancel out the innate level-headed charm of Chris Evans, so as disappointing as the bias is, it’s still a better balance here than it was last time. The one character who is not so flatteringly handled, however? Also happens to be the one who was arguably handled best last time, and unfortunately, he’s the one who is essentially treated as the ‘lead’.
The big problem for Tony Stark is that this movie is not interested in digging in to the pathos of any character, it’s all-flash-no-substance on that front, and Tony really, really needed a less heavy-handed slathering of ‘afraid of what might come (feat. messiah complex)’ to motivate his actions and reactions in this film, because without any exploration he’s basically just a billionaire kid playing with matches. If this were an Iron Man film (either the first or third one, anyway), we’d get into some tasty deconstruction of Tony’s mental state and confront his hubris, etc, and - crucially, most crucial of all, it’s a mainstay of all his past stories in the MCU - Tony would own up to his mistakes, listen to the advice of those around him, and take contrite steps toward fixing the problem not just in the direct sense of ‘beating the bad guy’, but also in the personal and emotional sense of working on his own flaws and making amends with the people he hurt along the way. This movie offers none of that. To begin with, Tony’s ‘I know best and I will not be taking any questions’ approach to creating Ultron feels like a significant step backwards in his character development so far (Iron Man 3 was specifically about addressing his PTSD and associated tumultuous emotions surrounding the fear of imminent alien invasion, so his reactionary and secretive behaviour in this film feels particularly out-of-touch with a mental reality Tony has been explicitly working on for the past couple of years); Tony is actively aware that it’s a bad call and thus hides it from the other Avengers until it’s too late, and then he’s bizarrely unrepentant about his mistake. Worst of all, he actually attempts to repeat that mistake, only worse, late in the film (the fact that his idiotic ‘mad scientist’ pep talk actually convinces Bruce to help him again is the weakest character moment for Bruce outside of the aforementioned romance crap). The plot rewards Tony’s second, far worse mistake, in the creation of Vision, who turns out to be ‘worthy of wielding Thor’s Hammer’ and whatnot and conveniently provides every necessary skill to defeat Ultron in a deus ex machina so overt you could use it as a textbook example, so even though Tony had absolutely no way of knowing that he’d get a good result this time and almost every reason to believe he’d just compound the existing problem, his reckless disregard for the literal safety of the planet is treated like a good thing because it happens to work out this time, and they just kinda sweep under the rug the fact that Tony is playing God (and being uncharacteristically stupid and selfish about it - in other films, Tony is normally only reckless with his own safety, and it’s when his actions spill out into unintended consequences for others that he realises the error of his ways and cues up a positive learning curve; it’s what makes him palatable). At the end of the film, once Ultron is gone and Tony has thrown some dispassionate wads of cash into ‘relief efforts’, he strolls and quips and eventually drives off into the sunset in his expensive car, with nary a mention of, I dunno, maybe a little guilty conscience? Maybe a hint of having learned a valuable lesson? The closest he gets is just suggesting that it might be time he retires from Avenging, but neither he nor anyone else lets on that there’s a need for serious self-reflection. The Tony Stark in this movie is the nightmarish male-fantasy version of the character, the playboy with the cool tech and no limits who does whatever he wants and then...literally rides off into the sunset in the end, no muss, no fuss. He’s kinda like a complete reversion to his original self, pre-Iron Man, frittering money around and designing weapons of mass destruction while convincing himself he’s bringing peace to the world one explosion at a time, but that Tony has no business here, seven years of character development down the track.
While we’re talking iffy characterisation, we should also segue into plot, and that’s something we can do easily enough by looking at our villain, Ultron. Calling Ultron an actual character feels...ambitious. He’s a CGI robot full of empty rhetoric and, you guessed it, more of those quips that this movie has in place of any meaningful dialogue. I’d call him self-fellating, but he ain’t got nothing to fellate, so instead he just blathers a lot in a manner that sounds vaguely poetically intelligent but is, upon a moment’s consideration, just vapid nonsense (much like Loki in the first Avengers, as noted above, but at least Loki had the benefit of a flesh-and-blood actor delivering his lines with conviction; James Spader does solid work as the voice of Ultron, but trying to make a CGI robot who spouts a school-kid’s attempt at edgy philosophy sound like a genuine menace is an uphill battle). Speaking of genuine menace, I assume the reason the film is called Age of Ultron is because A Couple of Days of Ultron Causing Disturbances in a Handful of Specific Locations was too much. For all the big talk (and there is..so much), Ultron doesn’t get up to all that much trouble, most notably in the sense that he apparently has his code all over the internet and yet he doesn’t bother stirring up a single ounce of chaos with that ungodly power. Why bother including this as an element of the character if it achieves zero story? Is it purely to make Ultron seem ~unstoppable~ because he keeps downloading into new robots? Because it didn’t really land, y’all. They try to play it like a big victory for the good guys when Vision burns Ultron out of the ‘net, but in context it’s meaningless because he didn’t do anything while he was there. Pretty much everything about Ultron was all talk, little to no action - even a whole bunch of the trouble he did cause happened off-screen, with Maria Hill just popping in to let us know that ‘there are reports of metal men stealing shit’. Cheers, cool. And you know, Ultron makes a song and dance about how he’s going to save the world by ‘ending the Avengers’, but then he...does not pursue that at all. He tries to make himself a pretty body, the Avengers thwart him, and then he enacts a doomsday machine to destroy all life on Earth. Like every other aspect of the character, the whole ‘end the Avengers’ schtick is just white noise, there’s no meaning in it. Ultron is just a same-old-same ‘What if Artificial Intelligence wants to WIPE US OUT?!’ cliche, and maybe that’s what he was in the comics too, I don’t know, but it’s the job of the film to tell that story in a dynamic way, and they had two and a half hours to do it. And yet.
There should be more to this than a nondescript placeholder villain concept and a series of action set pieces that just kinda happen until they stop. At least the first Avengers had some variety in each of its action sequences, using the location and the different skills and weapons of its antagonists, whereas this one is just ‘there are robots and the good guys punched and shot them until they were all broken, the end’. Even making the city fly in the end doesn’t actually make it interesting, not least because the characters spend most of their time running around the (weirdly, perfectly stable) streets not having to deal with any consequences of being up in the air anyway, and the doomsday device is too nebulous to ratchet up any real tension about figuring out how to deal with it. The conflicts with the Maximoff twins have at least some spark of life in them, but the characters themselves are treated to an over-simplified and very contrived narrative arc that uses what they do and what they know more as plot devices than as details of actual people’s lives, leading to a cheap death for Pietro so that Wanda will be distracted enough to abandon the big ol’ doomsday button, and it’s just all so convenient. There’s no heart in any of it, and it makes the moments that try to have heart all the more embarrassing and out-of-place (don’t even get me started on what a prescribed attempt at tugging the heart-strings it is to have Hawkeye name his magnificently well-timed newborn after Pietro, because DAMN). When I said I liked this movie better than the first Avengers, I meant just that: I like this better. That’s not to suggest that it is significantly better in any sense, because it isn’t, and I can’t even argue that this one has a better story, because honestly, it doesn’t. The first film made more sense, it was just less interesting to watch, and the things about it that were contrived were contrived in different ways. The first film was weaker and more irritating on character, and character is always the most important part of a story for me, so as annoyed as I am by the major character blunders in Age of Ultron, I’m still not as annoyed as I was after The Avengers. That is damning with the faintest of praise; this is just not a particularly good movie, it makes a poor use of its cast at the best of times, delivers a sub-par action extravaganza, and the script is not half as witty as it gleefully convinces itself that it is. It comes as no surprise, I’m sure, that I am very glad a certain writer/director departed the franchise after disappointing everyone with this outing. I say I like this better than the first Avengers, but gee, it’s a close call.
#Avengers: Age of Ultron#Marvel Cinematic Universe#Bechdel Test#female representation#MCU#Age of Ultron#Avengers
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Hey love 😊. So, I ship you with Sirius Black, Marauders Era. Sirius being the biggest drama queen ever, would always be dramatic about how incredibly beautiful you are. Everytime he saw you, he would say something like "You're too beautiful for this world." Or " I'm melting from how hot you are." "Im going blind from your beauty." He would often leave you blushing and embarrassed from his compliments. He knew about your body issues and give you tons and tons of compliments which you always TBC
“Brushed off. Him being a drama queen and always try to get you to realize how amazing you are wounder be one of the reasons I ship you. Another would be how you love to laugh. Now, Sirius isn’t the funniest person and often times the smallest stuff makes him laugh. You would tell each other corny jobs or just make funny faces, resulting in tears of laughter. He would always be trying to make you laugh bc he loved the way you lit up. He would especially try to do it if you were having a bad TBC
Day. However, he also knew when to back off or just sit and listen. He’d bring you books or your favorite music or cook your favorite food,even just to get a small smile. He’d make you laugh and you’d bring him more down to earth. You would balance each other out, though sometimes you’d do the opposite. Sometimes you’d egg each other on, whether with going on more adventures or competing against each other about who had the best pranks. He’d also always help you whenever he could, whether TBC
With helping you to be on time, find the perfect book, or calm any anxiety. He’d do his best to be the best boyfriend to you. You guys would be the perfect balance for each other. (THE END. PS. TBC=TO BE CONTINUED)
Well love, my name is Sabina and I’m a hufflepuff with a side of ravenclaw. I’m a fairly straight female who would love love love the trips to hogsmeade. I’m sure the Yule ball would be fun but considering how I never get asked to dances & usually don’t have fun when I go, I’m not sure how I’d react. If I was an animagus I think mine would be something like a marble fox. I love Newt but I think for this, I’ll go with Sirius (omg awkward) or Remus? Thanks love & I LOVE YOU! Ps, maybe 1st kiss? ❤❤”
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(NOT TAKING SHIPS FOR KISSES CURRENTLY)
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Finally my love! I get to yours!
I know you’ve been waiting a hella long time for yours, agonizing over everyone else’s til you could finally get your turn! But here it is! At last! I really hope that you enjoy it!!
(I loved my ship btw, but you already knew that ;) )
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Trips to Hogsmeade were your favorite thing when it came to weekends at Hogwarts.
You loved going to the potions shop to find something new that you’d debate purchasing until a friend came to drag you out, or going to Zonkos just to see some unsuspecting third years reach into one of the joke bags and come out with an invisible arm which they thought they’d lost permanently.
Or perhaps what you loved most was Honeydukes and the warm smell of fudge baking in the back, the treats all coated with the finest sugars and scents of chocolate and toffee floating down each other ever isle. Or was it The Three Broomsticks where you and your friends would congregate after a long day of window shopping and sweet eating to enjoy a pint of well-earned butterbeer and chat about the latest gossip on the rumor mills and who had and who hadn’t attempted to touch the shrieking shack that month.
Frankly, there were too many things about Hogsmeade that you loved and while you wished you could visit all the time and not just on Saturday’s and Sunday’s you knew that if that were the case then perhaps it would lose the magic that it held over you.
One thing you knew for certain. Was that, while you loved going into the little village every weekend. You did not, in fact, enjoy the attention the Sirius Black consistently tried to pay you. Every time you were in Honeydukes, there he’d be with some quick witted flirt and line on his tongue making you blush, in Zonko’s he’d play little teasing pranks until you’d glare at him, hot in the face as your friends laughed. Or when you were trying to enjoy your cool drink, there he’d be, unabashedly trying to flirt his way into your table, James and Remus standing behind him trying to look innocent as to what their friend was doing.
It wouldn’t be that big of a deal if it weren’t for the fact that he was only doing it to you. Every weekend for the last four months.
At first, it just made you flustered, the attention that is, now, it was making you lose what patience you’d built up over the years of being pseudo-friends with the Marauders. And while you appreciated their friendship, mostly because it spared you from the worst of their mischief, Sirius was a constant attractive thorn in your side.
It wouldn’t have been a problem in the slightest if you thought he was actually being sincere about all the flirting or the remarks. But you knew him, you knew the rumors, the girls who boasted that they had been the rebel Black’s flavor of the week.
It was in the Three Broomsticks where your seemingly endless patience finally broke.
Sirius was trying his best to share your side of the bench, frankly, already too small for your as it was meant to just seat one person.
He was whispering little things into your ear, making a red flush heat across the back of your neck. Your friends were giggling across from you as they always did when he was like this.
At least Remus who was sat behind them had the decency to look apologetic.
It was when Sirius took a moment to use another ridiculous and rather loud pickup line that you’d decided you’d had enough. It was his turn to be flustered.
You turned to him, eyes cold and back straight.
“You know Sirius, if you’d wanted to come to Hogsmeade with me, all you had to do was ask.” The challenge was clear in your tone and Sirius’ eyes went wide with surprise. Even your friends, whom you could see out of the corner of your gaze, looked to be shocked at your sudden defense.
The surprise slipped from his expression and you could practically see the mask of cockiness roll on.
“Well love, if I’d thought that the Princess of Hufflepuff would have said yes, I might have.” You felt a rush of burning shame crawl up to your ears and you glared. The nickname had come around when a Slytherin in fourth year had asked you to the Yule Ball. You’d declined him in the nicest way possible but he’d taken such offense that he’d made up the nickname in response to what a “prude” you’d been. For Sirius to use it, even in the joking manner that he had, was enough to get your blood pumping hot and your words to slip without conscious thought.
“Well, excuse me if I wouldn’t jump at the chance to go on a date with a flirtatious serial womanizer.” You stood, half drunk butterbeer forgotten as you glared down at the boy. You could tell the whole of the tavern was watching. “Even Princesses have standards in case you didn’t know.”
There were a couple of “ooohs” heard round the mostly silent room as you made you strong and quick exit.
You could still feel the flush on against your neck and cheeks, little incoherent mumbles tumbling past your lips as you hurried down the path back to the castle. Merlin! How that boy could frustrate you to no end! If only he meant what he was doing! Then you wouldn’t have had to been so harsh with him.
He could take as good as he gave, of that you were certain. Still, though, you felt bad, you weren’t generally mean spirited…
You heard the sound of hurrying footsteps, crunching on dried leafs as they came closer and closer to where you were.
You turned, confused as to who would have followed you. You resisted the urge to frown when you noted that it was Sirius.
You stopped walking, knowing that he was coming to talk with you by the set of his shoulders and the way that his face was not set in its casual smirk. Perhaps… perhaps you had gone a bit far with your retaliation.
Even when he was close enough to stop he still kept moving, his gray eyes locking with yours as he advanced. Something in your trembled and you moved to take a step back.
It was no use, he was already in your space, one hand going to your shoulder and the other to your cheek. Before you realized what was happening Sirius had his mouth on yours and your eyes were closing against your will.
The heat of his mouth was cutting through the chill in the air, you could smell some kind of flowery soap against his skin and there was the taste of stale butterbeer across his lips as he slotted his mouth with yours, slicking your bottom lip with his tongue as he urged the unsuspected kiss deeper.
Before he could touch your mouth further with his tongue you were pushing him back with your hands, laid flat against his chest as you shoved him.
He went without resistance, the smirk that had been missing from his face before now proudly worn.
“Standards eh?” The warmth that had been fluttering in your stomach a moment ago died suddenly and was replaced with anger and the terrible need to cry.
“You.” You started, voice a deadly whisper as you felt the ghost of his mouth against yours. “You are despicable.” Sirius expression faltered, as though you’d missed a joke he’d thought was hilarious. As though he realized it hadn’t been funny in the first place.
“No, no, Sabina, I didn’t mean it like-”
“It doesn’t matter what you meant it like! You’re always like that! Flirting and joking and just when I think you’re actually being genuine you’re just joking again! God, why is it always me Sirius?!” You were furious at him. Sirius faltered, a hand reaching out towards you that you backed away from.
“Sab… “ he swallowed. “I was being serious. I just.” You growled in frustration at him though his tone did make your anger begrudgingly deflate just a bit.
“How am I supposed to know that? Believe that?” He stopped fidgeting at your words, his eyes flicked back and forth around your face as though he were thinking very hard about something.
His gaze stilled, once again locked with yours as it had been before the kiss, making the tips of your ears flash pink again.
“Go to Hogsmeade with me. Next weekend. Go with me.” He said it with such a firm tone, a look of pure focus and determination in his eyes that you knew, without a single doubt, that he meant it.
You nodded once. A single tip of your head before you were turning on your heel and heading back to the castle once again. Leaving Sirius, not for the first time that day, surprised in your wake.
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