#(for the entire scene though i was thinking about POOR DRUMMER standing right next to them XD)

[mikimeiko]

The Expanse | 3x13. Abaddon's Gate

[zambie-trashart]

I Can't Help It pt 1

Phanfics Masterlist

This is a Julie and the Phantoms fic. I love Alex and I think he and Carrie would get along well. He looked like he had fun dancing with her so now he’s joining her maybe even permanently. Welp have fun reading. (I accidentally deleted this entire thing the first time I started writing it.)

Please ask for tags in this part of the pic so I know who I’ve tagged and who I haven’t tagged.

Summary: Alex is worried, he’s worried for the future, his past, Willie, the band. He’s so worried that when he goes out to find himself and starts missing practice, he gets kicked from the band. It’s not like they had been friends for years and Alex doesn’t have a place to stay, except that’s exactly what it looks like. Alex goes to stay with a friend and may even end up making a new friend. (post season one the boys can be seen when they want to)

                                                         ...

Alex was late, again. It wasn’t his fault, he was having fun in his newly visible body. He was having a new kind of fun in the LA scene, one that his friends couldn’t really give him and that was why he was having this conversation right now with two of his oldest friends and one new friend that he thought loved him.

“Alex, you’re kidding right, this is the sixth time you’ve been late for practice,” Luke said getting in his face.

“I get it but maybe we shouldn’t be having so many practices cause maybe it’s taking a lot out of some of us,” Alex said curling in on himself.

“Oh, it’s been hard on you? Reggie can’t see his parents and he has nowhere to go. Some of us aren’t lucky Alex, maybe we should find a new drummer,” Luke said. Julie and Reggie looked up in shock. Alex felt tears prick at the edge of his eyes no matter how much he insisted that he wasn’t an emotional person, he was the most sensitive out of the group.

“Maybe you should.” Alex just poofed out of the room and Luke stared at where he used to be before sinking to the ground on his knees not crying but mourning the loss of his friend. Reggie reached out to touch his shoulder but he got up and stormed out of the room.

Julie looked around her feeling tears come to her eyes and flow over. “Alex never had the most freedom, his parents were crazy religious and that showed when he came out to them a few days before we played the Orpheum. They almost didn’t let him go but he snuck out and they figured that they couldn’t stop him.” Reggie stopped to breathe. “Alex was always shy, reserved but Luke brought out, what does Flynn like to call it? His inner queen? Yeah, but the point is he broke out of his shell and now that he;s no longer in the band, he’s going to feel like letting that out somewhere. I just hope it’s not with Caleb. Alex never told Luke that he’s been looking for Willie while testing out the new limitations of his body. He’s worried about him and he has the right to be. I hope he doesn’t do something he regrets.” Reggie looked down.

“He’ll come back to us eventually, I know it,” Julie said sitting down next to Reggie who smiled up at her. They both reminded themselves to make Luke pay later.

Alex sat on a leather couch in a big house, Bobby’s house watching Carrie rehearse with her dancers. She never yelled at them despite her rough exterior.

“It would be so much cooler if we had a guy in the group,” Kayla said sighing.

“Let’s run it again, it has to be perfect,” Carrie said helping her friends stand again to practice one more time. Alex bounced slightly wanting to join this time and standing behind Carrie. She walked forward and Alex followed and snaked left swerving her right leg slightly bouncing to the music and Alex did the opposite going down further than her. He copied all her moves keeping up adding his own flair when he could before crashing back on her couch.

“Man it would be so fun to dance with them all the time,” Alex said watching as the girls clapped excitedly for themselves. Alex poofed up to the rooftop looking over the city. He wanted to hear distant wheels of a skateboard and rest his head on a strong shoulder attached to a head that wasn’t afraid of getting him out of his comfort zone. That guy would have said go for it. Dance with the girls cause you can do anything you put your mind to Hotdog. Alex wiped a tear from his eye looking back out at the city one more time. He didn’t know where to go so he stayed on the roof laying back looking at the stars.

Carrie woke up in the morning and found a body of a boy outside her house. He couldn’t have been much younger than her. She called out to her dad who ran outside and carried the boy in placing him on the couch before taking a closer look at him.

“Alex?” Trevor asked and he told Carrie to get dressed for school. Alex groaned going to sit up but hitting Trevor in the head with his own.

“Bobby?” Alex asked holding his head which now hurt just a bit from slamming it into Bobby’s head. Carrie walked down the stairs and out to her car giving the boy on her couch one last worried glance.

“Have a nice day at school sweetheart,” Trevor said and Alex tried his best not to laugh.

“Tell me how he turns out ok?” Carrie asked and her father gave a nod as she walked out.

“She seems nice,” Alex said and Bobby gave him a stern look. “You know I’m gay,” Alex gave him a look back.

“Just tell me why you’re here,” Bobby said.

“I have nowhere to go, Luke kicked me out of the band, I can’t go back to Caleb cause he’ll just use me to get the others, I can’t find Willie so I came to you cause you’re still my friend even if we all died,” Alex said and he started to feel tears roll down his face again.

“Luke is an asshole, you can stay here as long as you want, Carrie has always wanted a brother,” Bobby said ruffling Alex’s hair smiling a little.

“Really?” Alex asked and Bobby nodded gesturing for him to follow upstairs. There was a spare room it was a nice rose color with a king bed and clothes that wouldn’t fit Alex but they could fix that later. Alex hugged Bobby as tight as he could and Bobby just hugged him back feeling tears well in his eyes at the sight of at least one of his friends coming to see him.

Julie walked into school and saw that Carrie looked a little out of it. She wasn’t terrorizing Flynn and Julie like she normally was.

“She seems a little more like an airhead than usual,” Flynn said laughing and Carrie heard and just stomped off.

“There’s something up with her,” Julie said and Luke poofed in with Reggie not that far behind. “Did you find him?” Julie said looking at Flynn so she wasn’t called crazy… again.

“We can’t find Alex anywhere, it’s like he’s gone. We haven’t checked Caleb’s and we don’t know where Willie would be but at this point we have to assume the worst and just say he’s with Caleb working for him for eternity to get away from us.

Carrie had snuck around back to listen to Julie’s one-sided conversation.

“Poor Alex, this is all your fault Luke, you have to keep looking for him,” Julie said getting pissed.

“We’ve searched everywhere even clubs that he would be too young to get into anyway.” Luke and Reggie just poofed away when she directed an anger flued gaze at them.

“Wait, Alex is missing, what are you going to do without a drummer?” Flynn asked.

“I don’t know but I’m worried about him, Luke blew up at him yesterday cause Alex misses his boyfriend who is missing by the way,” Julie said and Flynn just slammed her head into a wall. The two made it through classes with the boys in the back watching them begging for forgiveness silently. They truly had no idea that Alex was having the time of his life or well afterlife at least.

Bobby took Alex through stores and even though Alex said he didn’t need anything, he told him that unless he wanted Carrie to take him shopping he better at least pick out a few shirts and pants. Pink shirts, white ripped jeans, pink Adidas sneakers, and caps were brought into the house and Carrie arrived home at the same time.

“Carrie, meet Alex, Alex this is Carrie.” The two shook hands and Alex just looked nervously at the ground after letting go of her hand. “Alex, do you mind going upstairs and putting this stuff away while I talk to Carrie for a bit?” Bobby asked and Alex nodded, getting that he needed to talk to his daughter about this huge change.

“What’s going on dad?” Carried asked hoping that Alex was going to stay with them.

“Alex ran away from home, his parents don’t approve of some of his choices in who he gets involved with romantically. His father is an old friend of mine but obviously we share a few differences in our view on the way the world works.” Carrie looked at her father in shock, he had never shown that much compassion for someone other than Julie and Rosa when she was alive.

“Can I go see him?” Carrie asked not even waiting for permission running up the stairs.

“Yeah just be nice!” Trevor yelled after his daughter knowing how easily frightened Alex could be.

Carrie stood outside Alex’s room and looked through the door hearing a song on and saw the boy dancing, he was good. Carrie watched as he struck a pose before clapping walking in as he adjusted himself shying away.

“No, that was good, you have a few technique flaws but we can work those out if you want to join my group. It might help you come out of your shell a little more than you are now,” Carrie said walking over to the boy who was sitting on the edge of the bed head in his hands.

“Are you sure you want me?” Alex asked looking up at her from the bed.

“Positive, now let’s get you ready for practice.” Carrie pulled him up and he laughed a little relieved. Carrie was so nice to him and he knew why, she had a little Bobby in her and that part of her was shining through with him just like it did with Bobby. He never got mad about Alex liking guys it just meant more girls for Bobby. She was just like him and at that point Alex only cared that he didn’t mess up the choreography.

He stood in the living room in front of four girls his hand glued to Carrie’s. He gulped and the girls just ran up to him hugging him jumping a little.

“Let’s fix everything.” Alex had no idea how much those words meant to him on a deeper level.

“Yeah.”

[chezgender]

Permission

Hello everyone!

This fic is inspired by Angst prompt 5 of this post:  “My heart tells me to kiss you, my head tells me to walk away.” The amazing @saint-of-los-angeles helped me with it and if you haven’t, go check her works because she’s amazing!

Pairing: Nikki x Tommy, Terrorcest Warnings: mention of drugs and lots of angst 

Summary: It’s Tommy’s wedding and Nikki has to cope with the idea of losing the love of his life.

Tommy's wedding was, indeed, supposed to be a day of celebration.

But what's the point of celebrating the loss of the person you love the most in the world?

All dressed in white, Tommy Lee looked like the most beautiful creature Sixx had ever seen, an angel sent straight from heaven just for Nikki. Nikki knew every single inch of the skin underneath those clothes, the tattoos he loved to trace, the taste of the salt on Tommy's body. He knew the shades of Tommy's voice, the way they changed when he smiled, or when he cried. 

Despite all of this, Nikki was there, in a stupid black and white tux that he hated, looking at his life-long love marrying another person.

It was no wonder he had injected all the shit that he could into his veins. He was outright wasted, devastated for a lack of a better term, and it was such a miserable scene.

He couldn't even fake happiness for Tommy, even though he should have.

Luckily the ceremony was over, everyone out there was having the time of their life, especially Tommy and Heather, flashing smiles like never before. 

Nikki, instead, was sitting on the cold tiles the bathroom in the huge, painfully clean bathroom. The bassist felt like nothing more than a spot of dirt in there, he felt out of place in every sense of the word. He had barely managed to take a breath before another violent shiver hit him to the core, and he gagged again, his hand desperately gripping the toilet seat. He felt like shit, he knew he had done entirely too much, but no matter how hard he tried, the bassist could think of no other way of making it through that dreadful ceremony.

He could barely hear the knocking at the door through the ringing in his ears, and just let out a weak grunt, hoping the person would take the hint and go away. He grunted louder at the sound of a jiggling door handle as someone tried to open the door, and said a silent prayer of thanks that he at least had enough sense to lock the door. 

Soon enough he was alone again, and focused on the goal of feeling at least slightly better than he currently was, pleading silently with his stomach to just stop lurching. 

His pleas fell on dead ears, of course, as his body kept violently rejecting the goddamn drugs that were supposed to make him feel better, to help him get through this day. This was hell.

His skin was on fire, he felt himself sweating despite the constant chills and shivers that were making him shake like a leaf, and his throat was  burning and raw.

"Nikki? Nikki, are you in there? Open the goddamn door!" a desperate, shaking voice cried out from the other side of the door, a voice Nikki would know anywhere.  

There was Tommy, on the other side of the wooden barrier, with his forehead leaning on the door and wet eyes hidden by his long curls. His shaking hand held the handle in a life-like grip, he would've broken it if he had to. Luckily there was no one around, he had left the party with a poor excuse since Nikki was nowhere to be seen, and Tommy always worried about the bassist.

In the end Sixx opened the door, barely able to stand on his feet, looking dejected and broken, but somehow still beautiful despite the messed up hair, black eyeliner tracks down his cheeks, and the smell of vomit lingering in the air. He would always be beautiful to Tommy.

Tommy hugged him, trying to ignore the feeling of his bones through the clothes. He had lost so much weight since heroin became part of his daily routine. "Nikki... thank fucking god you're alive." He whispered, and felt the bassist shake in his arms. He closed the door and let Nikki sit again, only to follow him. 

"How are you feeling?"

"I love you, you know that right?" Nikki whispered, and Tommy noticed he was barely holding back more fucking tears. "I want to be happy for you, you found love, you found all you were looking for with her…" Tommy remained silent, looking at the ground, unable to say anything. He knew what Nikki was going to say. "So yeah, I'm good really. I might have just.. overdone it with the junk, you know?"

"I'm glad you're here. I know it's hard for you."

"I'm fine, Tommy. Go out there, be with her, you deserve your happiness." Nikki smiled, the best he could. He meant it, in a way. He really wanted Tommy to be happy, even if it meant to lose him. He needed to adapt, adjust. Losing people had been a constant in his life, he was used to it, but somehow this stung more than the rest.

“My heart tells me to kiss you, my head tells me to walk away.” Tommy said in a hushed tone, his heart was as torn as Nikki's. "What the fuck am I supposed to do now?" He continued, and right there Nikki heard the crack in his voice. He lifted his eyes to find Tommy's full of tears, and Nikki's heart broke even more.

"Please, walk away. That's the best for both of us, I can't fuck up your life like I'm doing with mine." The bassist answered, those words hurt so much while being spoken, Nikki could barely hear himself. He whispered them, careful, careful not to say anything that could convince Tommy to kiss him, to cheat on his wife, to give a stupid glimpse of hope to himself when he was trying desperately to accept reality.

"I don't wanna ruin you. I would never forgive myself, Tommy..." 

"But-" Tommy tried to say something, anything, but Nikki interrupted him: "Go, for real. They are waiting for you out there." 

The drummer nodded, even if leaving Sixx there, in those conditions, hurt him like a knife straight to the heart.

"Let me at least walk you to the limousine, so you can go home. Rest, try to sleep and please take care." He proposed, helping Nikki to get up. He was still very weak, possibly even weaker than before, if that was possible. He washed his face with cold water and sipped a bit of it, it tasted amazing and felt so refreshing for his sore throat. He felt his heart seize up when he felt Tommy's warm hand resting on the small of his back, steadying the bassist and grounding him to Earth.

Tommy walked him to the car, dealing with the other guests so Nikki could stay quiet and just smile. He left him in the limo and said goodbye with wet eyes, said he was going to call him later.

Nikki knew Tommy wasn't going to call, he would be much too busy with his new bride and maybe that is for the best, anyway

He asked the driver to bring him home and, on the ride, he did what he knew he shouldn't and called Jason. He asked for more drugs, more substances to help him just forget, and Jason didn't disappoint. When Sixx walked through the garden of Van Nuys, his dealer was already there with the substances requested and waiting for the money.

He shot up again, indeed, because he felt he had no other choice. He needed to forget everything he had said to Tommy, because he regretted every single moment of that conversation.

*****

The drummer had to wait until the party was over and he and Heather were home. He called Nikki once, then twice, but nobody answered. Worry grew and rose in his chest, he was filled with bad thoughts and worst case scenarios. 

Scenarios that involved the love of his life, dead alone on the floor with a needle in his arm.

"Babe, I'm really sorry but I need to go. It won't take long, I promise." He said, hurriedly grabbing his jacket and the keys to his Harley.

The blonde woman looked at him and raised her eyebrow: "Where are you going, to check up on your junkie friend? He can't do anything without you, right?" She sneered, crossing her arms and looking really annoyed.

Tommy walked closer to her, so he could kiss the tip of her nose. Like he always did with Nikki when he was angry for some stupid reason, and he couldn't help but think this felt so wrong with her, but he had to get out of there. "Honey, don't get mad. He needs me, I wanna be there for him. He's my best friend."

"Well then, you might stay at his place for the night then, since you seem to owe him some kind of help." She growled as she threw her nightgown on in a huff. "Why didn't you marry him, instead?" 

Tommy snapped and took a couple of steps back, to avoid losing control of his actions. His fingers were twitching and he couldn't help but think: if I could have, I would have.

"Don't say shit like that ever again. Mind your own fucking business, and stay out of my relationship with Nikki." He spat through gritted teeth, pointing at her with shaking hands. She wasn't intimidated though, just angry, and she rolled her eyes at his obvious distress.

"Yeah sure, go. Go and take care of him. I'll see you tomorrow, maybe. Or maybe not, I might as well pack my shit and leave!"

"I told you it's just for tonight, he was really sick today."

"Whatever. Now get out." And Tommy did as he was told,  running out and jumping on his motorcycle, and speeding his way to Van Nuys. He knew the road by heart then, since he had done it so many times, and luckily it didn't take long.

He had a copy of the keys, of course he did, so he basically ran through the garden and then entered the house. No sound was to be heard except the soft music on MTV, Nikki was probably on the first floor. Of course the place was completely messed up, and he wasn't surprised. 

"Nikki? Are you here?" He called, and then clarified: "It's me, Tommy,'' knowing Nikki's mind spiraled downwards in paranoia, when he was high. He reached the bassist's bedroom and found Nikki sleeping on the bed. He was still fully dressed, and there was the wound of a very recent fix on his left hand. 

At least he was alive, that was all that mattered. Everything else could wait. Tommy laid down next to him, ignoring the not so nice smell in the air, and listened to Nikki's deep breath like a sort of mantra. He was alive. He was alive.

He watched Sixx 's face and breathing for signs of distress the whole night, until the bassist woke up by himself around 4am. 

"Tommy? Is that you or, am I hallucinating?"

The drummer shifted and went closer to Nikki's body: "It's Tommy. How are you?"

"Sleepy. What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I came to see if you were okay."

"And what about her?" Nikki enquired, scratching his forehead and then looking for a bottle of water on the drawer. He took a long sip, still looking at Tommy with half closed eyes.

"She's home, pretty mad, but I don't care."

"The fuck, Tommy, you should be there with her." The bassist put a hand to his forehead, his voice sounded tired and most of all, worried. "You shouldn't be here."

"I want to be here, that's the fucking point." Tommy said, and cupped Nikki’s face. The black haired man looked at him, tiredly. Why did Tommy have to do that to him? Hadn’t he endured enough pain yet? He was trying to get used to the idea of living without the love of his life, because Tommy himself said so, because he said they had to cut their relationship short, for their own good. And yet Tommy was there, taking care of him and ignoring all the things he said, all the things he promised. Tommy was there, and Nikki found it so hard to resist, to say no, because he didn't fucking want to.

“Don’t ruin shit, dude.” Nikki growled then, getting up and taking the chance to change his clothes into something more comfortable. He could feel Tommy's sad eyes watching him during the whole process, without saying anything. "You fucking married her. You wanted this."

"I know... but-"

The black haired man looked at him, dead in the eye: "But what, you still love me or something?"

"...There's no way I could ever stop loving you."

"Then you shouldn't have married her." he said back, barely able to swallow the pain those words caused him. He needed to try to lie, to convince Tommy that this was the right decision. Giving up on Tommy, trying to put some distance between them, to save Tommy's marriage. He really wanted Tommy to be happy.

"You have no right to do this to her, and to me, because you know too damn well I can't fucking live like this."

The drummer sat on the edge of the bed and took Nikki's hands, they were kinda cold, but those long and rough fingers felt so familiar when they intertwined with his. "We always kept our relationship secret. What's different now?"

"Tommy, you chose her. You promised to stay next to her no matter what. You shouldn't cheat on her, and moreover, not with me. The difference is in the choice you made." Nikki’s voice was indeed petty strangled at that point, he couldn’t hold back the salty tears. Tommy pulled him closer and hugged his waist, leaning his head on his belly. They both sighed, while the bassist stroked the younger’s hair.

“I still love you anyway. I think that’s pretty clear, right?” Nikki whispered, and Tommy nodded silently as Nikki sat next to him. Shoulder to shoulder, they were looking at the floor with sad eyes. Everything was chaotic in that room: the bed was unmade, clothes and any kind of personal belongings were scattered all over the carpet, the smell of smoke and alcohol mixed with hairspray, the sound of cars passing by. Nikki’s mind drifted off: he couldn’t stay concentrated for too long. He was tired, and there still was the aftermath of drugs, hazing his mind.

Tommy’s voice brought him back to the harsh reality of things: “Can I kiss you one last time?” he asked, and Sixx couldn’t say no to that. Just one last kiss, he told himself, won’t kill anyone, right?

They were familiar with each other, yet, that kiss seemed full of brand new sensations. First the drummer caressed his cheek and then held up his chin, looking into those green eyes he was so hopelessly in love with. Their lips touched ever so softly, just a chaste contact, before Nikki would deepen the kiss by licking the other's lips. Tommy of course followed him, and kissed him in a desperate dance of feelings, almost crying, almost moaning his name so low it couldn't be heard. 

"I love you, I love you so much…" the drummer whispered, stroking Nikki's tangled hair and kissing his jaw and neck, breathing hot against his skin, trying to savor every moment, every single sensation. Nikki bit his lip before lowering his head to kiss Tommy's hair. 

"I love you too, Tommy. More than anything." he quietly murmured back, words they had chanted so many times. Sometimes between laughs, sometimes during sex, sometimes while fighting, but never like this. Tommy was crying: Nikki felt it by the way his back would slightly jolt and his breath kept on stopping. He couldn't do anything about it.

"Stay here tonight, okay? You’ll go home in the morning, I don’t want you driving like this.” Nikki proposed as he laid on the bed, pulling Tommy with him. The drummer remained silent for a while, until he stopped crying, and then nodded: "Okay."

So they fell asleep together, just by basking in the familiar sound of each other’s breath, so reassuring, and soaking in the comforting heat of their skin, tucked in the sheets together, as they were always meant to be.

But both of them knew that the daylight would come much, much too soon.

[thetimeistwoam]

Finally Morning

It is the morning and Russel needs to chill. So does everyone really but no one wants to get in Noodles way when shes angry.

"Yeah well, there's definitely something in the ceiling, alright?" Russel hunched over his morning coffee, looking over both shoulders before daring to bend down and take a sip. Murdoc leaned against the bar next to him, disinterest that much stronger considering he was tired as hell. "Ain't nothing in the ceiling, Russ," He said absentmindedly, picking at a fray in his sweater. The kitchen was slowly flooding with sunlight, golden rays disguising the freezing weather outside. The old house creaked and groaned, the struggling radiators adding to the eerie noise as they did their best to warm up. Even still, there were drafts. Kong might've had hordes of zombies gnawing at its gates but at least there weren't so many fucking drafts. Murdoc groaned, rubbing a hand over his shadowy face and glancing over at Russel. His drummer was still darting his hollow eyes around the kitchen every so often, occasionally even fixing his accusing eye on his coffee, as if that, too, was out to get him. Poor Russ, unfortunately he was a lot more fun before Death started following him around and he turned into a paranoia ridden nutcase. Or, wait; was he still being followed, even? Murdoc was never quite sure what happened with that whole thing. What he did know, was that the only way to really calm Russel down, Murdoc dug around in his pockets, were to slip him a few, he produced some green pills, of these. "Russ, what's that behind you?" Murdoc asked, calmly as he could, since words like those were akin to gunshots for Russel. "Where?" He slung his head so sharply over his shoulder some joints cracked, giving Murdoc enough time to drop two pills into his coffee before he fixed his foggy stare into the mismatched red and black one. "The hell did you see?" "Oh nothing, was just a fly," Murdoc waved his hand around Russel's shoulder, shooing the nonexistent fly. Russel himself didn't look convinced, and quickly downed his entire cup of coffee, taking the mug to the dishwasher, ready to retreat back up to his room where there was only one door and no flies/assassin's trying to kill him. As he reached the archway out into the hall, however, his entire, tense demeanor sort of slackened. He brought his hands to his face, rubbing his eyes a few times then adjusting his beanie a bit over his forehead. From the bar, Murdoc grinned. "Damn," Russel muttered to himself, blinking around the kitchen, then spotting Murdoc. "How are you feeling, Russel, darling?" Murdoc asked, after which he received a brief glare. It faded quickly however, as Russel took a few steps back into the kitchen, giving a stretch and yawn. "Not too bad," He replied, sounding surprised himself, looking around the kitchen with a much more relaxed stare than before. "Think m'gonna go get breakfast somewhere; you in?" "You know, normally I would, but-," "We already stopped somewhere," Noodle had appeared in the kitchen arch, her sudden presence actually not spooking Russel into the next dimension for once; Murdoc shrugged, giving a hand to Noodle as his explanation. "Fuck ya'll," Russel waved a hand over his shoulder as he left the kitchen, popping his head back around the doorway shortly after exiting. "'D awake?" "Farthest thing from it," Noodle replied. The front door opened and shut behind Russel, letting another wave of cold air into the kitchen. "These sodding drafts," Murdoc griped, lifting his feet up onto his bar stool to avoid being hit (much) by the cold. He was so annoyed it took him a while to realize Noodle hadn’t moved from standing awkwardly in the archway. Her brows were furrowed and she looked like she was trying to say something, an odd look for the normally outspoken girl, but then, she'd been a bit odd all night. Murdoc was a bit tired of it, really, existential crises didn't suit her. "Something on your mind, Nood?" He made himself ask, if nothing else for the effect it would have when he yawned and left the kitchen when she started crying again. Noodle had started to say something, but was interrupted by a sudden addition of another, squeakier, female voice. "Murdoc?" It rang down the staircase, "Murdoc?" Closer this time. Noodle stared at Murdoc, expression darkening as she realized what that voice must belong to, while Murdoc himself had a sudden wave of realization crash over him. He proceeded to burst out laughing, holding a hand out to Noodle as he tried to explain. "Now I bloody remember!" He laughed, shaking his head with mirth, "That's why I was on the sodding couch last night! I'd totally forgotten myself, to be completely honest, but-," "There you are!" The owner of the voice had appeared in the kitchen, a woman of about 30 or so who fit the 'bimbo' description to a tee. She was wearing one of Murdoc’s shirts, and approached him in what was obviously supposed to be a seductive manner, throwing her arms around his shoulders and tucking her head over one of them. "Someone's the early bird," She giggled, nuzzling into Murdoc's ear, resulting in him sort of cringing to the side. From the doorway, Noodle watched things unfold in open disgust. It was understandable why the green moron had come down to sleep on the couch; that voice was unbearable. Everything about the scene in front of her was unbearable. And he'd let this thing into the house? Their house? Noodle could feel herself growing hot, and before she could stop herself (not that she would have done, anyway), she was stalking over to glare down the tittering dumb bitch. "Out," She hissed; though they were actually eye to eye, Noodle gave the impression of being much taller, and the woman backed away uncertainly, her incredulous stare fixed on Murdoc. "Murdoc-?" "Out!" Noodle said again, louder this time, "Out, out, out!" All decorum gone, she was then pushing and shoving the woman till she was out the door, slamming it so hard behind her that 2D shrieked awake somewhere upstairs. "Oi, love, lemme at least give her a fiver for a cab-," "You," Noodle cut Murdoc off, pointing an accusing hand at him as she glided back into the kitchen. It was as if actual heat was radiating off her fierce green eyes, and Murdoc couldn't help but shrink away. He started backing up with every advancement Noodle made. "We agreed," She was nearing now, as Murdoc’s back had reached the wall, "No one, not anyone, especially not you, brings people back to the house," Noodle spoke through her teeth, stretching herself as far as possible upwards to get as eye to eye with Murdoc as she could. "Didn't we?" She hissed, angrily pushing away the risen hands in front of her that Murdoc had been holding as a defense. "Well, yeah, maybe-," He extended each word long as he could, rough voice still holding all its arrogance; obviously he didn't care. "Don't do it again," Noodle poked him hard in the chest, "Go to nasty hotels that they make for people like you. Don't bring it here. We agreed," She added sharply, when Murdoc opened his mouth once more. They had, indeed, agreed on this when the four of them moved in, and the defiling of the rule clearly did not sit well with Noodle. He stared down at her, taking in the dark glare and hands balled into fists; she was definitely angry. What was the the smartest thing to do here? Well, he resisted grinning to himself, what was the smartest thing to do with all women? Tell them what they want to hear, then wait till they're gone and do the exact same thing over again, of course. Murdoc heaved a sigh, shrugging his shoulders and nodding. "You're right, Noodle, how could I have been so-," "I mean it, Murdoc." She had gotten so close they were nearly touching; Murdoc could even smell the top of her fluffy hair, the sweet smell an almost comical contrast to the ferociousness of the person it belonged to. Noodle wasn't having any of it. He may think he was so clever, but the changes in his eyes and body language were too easy to read. That, and the fact he just wasn't a very reliable person in general, had her seeing right through his compatibility charade. "You rule the tour bus, the studio, the everywhere, but this is our house. Home. I don't want it here," Noodle watched his eyes carefully, blinking then a few times at the rough shadow of stubble on his chin, then at the bruises on his neck; she hadn't noticed those before, and backed away in disgust, shaking her head in what could only be disappointment. "I'll be on your ass," She warned, knowing that he still likely hadn't been persuaded. "Oh how lucky for me," Murdoc griped, finally relaxing his posture somewhat with Noodle's retreat. "May I go up to bed now then? Does her maj give me permission?" Noodle didn't bother replying; just for something to do, mainly, she was at the coffee maker now, getting ready to brew up a pot. "Coffee? What about sleep?" Murdoc questioned in regular tone, and Noodle was reminded of what had appeared to be concern earlier that night/morning. He continued to receive the silent treatment, however, and with some muttering, finally fucked off to his lair. Still feeling a strong desire to hit something, Noodle plopped onto the living room couch with her coffee. She was so tired every blink burned her eyes, and was wondering now why she hadn't just gone to sleep. Or why the fuck she made an entire pot of coffee. Fucking Murdoc getting her fucking angry and making her do stupid fucking things. "Noodle?" 2D's scratchy voice shocked her out of her stupor, the resulting jolt she gave causing a spill of burning hot coffee all over her thighs. Round black eyes watched as Noodle screamed out curses in Japanese, the girl throwing the rest of her coffee into the sink before storming out of the kitchen, still muttering to herself. 2D blinked, not sure what he had done wrong, exactly, but quite excited to see someone had made coffee. He grinned to himself, pouring about an inch of actual coffee into his special king-sized mug, before filling it the rest of the way up with cream and sugar. "Mmm," He muttered to himself after taking a sip through his tooth gap. For a few minutes he leaned against the counter, enjoying the cup of sugar and motes floating through the morning sunlight. It wasn't long before the front doorknob was rattling into the silence, however, and then Russel was coming back into the kitchen. "Oh, hey 'D," Russel greeted, 2D acknowledging him with a grin. "You up for breakfast? Had to come back here, forgetting my wallet like a fucking moron-, oh and you know why there's some woman sitting outside crying in our revered ‘band leader’s’ clothes? Dunno why I'm even asking..." Russel swept his eyes around the living room as he spoke, feeling around the couch cushions and such, evidently looking for his wallet. "Yeah, I could do breakfast," 2D downed the rest of his coffee, seeing a few spots afterwards at the sudden rush of sugar, "No idea about the bird in Murdoc's clothes, though." "Dumbass already got himself breaking house rules?" Russel had found his wallet by now; 2D looked a bit puzzled as the two made their way out of the kitchen. "Doesn't Murdoc make the house rules?" 2D yawned, causing Russel to cringe slightly. "I should fucking hope not, damn," He shook his head, equal parts disgusted at that image as well at how much of a fucking dumbass 2D could be sometimes. The two made their way out into the frosty morning, passing the still sobbing fling of Murdoc and bundling into Russel's car, the inside still nice and toasty from the heater. Russel turned on the radio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KXdW0g6jAxE), and then they were cruising off down the street into the rising sun, the warm car and frosty sunlight leaving both dudes feeling quite good, for once.

[artificialqueens]

City of Stars Ch.10 (Pearlet) - Leatwerpenn

A/N: Hey everyone, I think this may be my last post before I head off to Japan. I’ll be gone for two weeks but at least ill (hopefully) finish this on the plane! Sidenote, if you missed chapters you can find the masterpost HERE. Sidenote 2, I may or may not be working on a prequel to ‘Be a Burrito With Me’ TW for some minor homophobia.

Chapter 10

(2011) 5 Years Before. LA. Summer. Jason beamed, as he handed in his letter of resignation to the coffee shop. The manager looked annoyed, but she smiled politely and wished him the best of luck for the future. This had happened a week ago and it he was currently working his final shift at the shop. Jason felt nostalgic, as he greeted the people who would become his last ever patrons. Unless everything goes to shit and I’m so poor I have to beg for my job back. He greeted everyone with the same pleasant smile. It was nearing the end of the shift when he noticed a cloud of blonde and red lipstick standing in front of him. “Hello Jason, can I have my usual please?” Courtney beamed at him. He found it funny that Courtney had seemed to warm to him recently. She was working on a new movie on the lot and he saw her almost every day. He felt guilty that he had misjudged her. “Of course, coming right up.” He went to make her order while making idle chit-chat about what she was filming. Jason interjected when she mentioned filming some cool scenes the following week and inviting him to come and watch her. “Actually Courtney, it’s my last day today.” Jason beamed. She smiled back. “Oh my goodness! Good for you! What are you going to be doing with yourself then?” Jason handed her order over and she sipped on her coffee. “How will I cope without your magical coffee?” “It’s not magical, and my boyfriend actually just got a big pay rise so he insisted that I stop working here to focus on my own career. I’m hoping I can audition for more acting roles and… other stuff I guess.” Jason was unsure to mention anything about Violet. “Oh, that’s great honey! Good for you. He is a very lucky man.” She exclaimed. “I think I’m lucky to have found him to be honest. We both kind of found each other when we most needed it. Super corny I know, but it’s true.” He was extremely proud of Matt and what he had achieved with the band in only a month. He loved gushing about his boyfriend to anyone who would listen. “That’s lovely. I went through a break up a few months back, but it was for the best. I’m dating someone else now… kind of. Well I was kind of seeing that person while I was with my ex. I know… I’m a terrible human being. It’s complicated. As I’m sure you can imagine.” Jason wasn’t sure as to why it was complicated, apart from the cheating. But he just nodded and smiled. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that, but I feel like I can trust you.” She looked unsure as she confessed her sins to Jason. “It’s okay, I would never say anything. I’ll be honest, I was always curious, but you always attended events alone and I just assumed you were single.” Jason explained. “Yeah, I’m quite private when it comes to my personal life. I try to keep my relationships and family out of the spotlight. It’s a challenge, but I feel more valued because of it I guess.” She disclosed, sounding slightly sad as spoke about her personal life. I guess we all have our demons. “Well, I had better go. And as it is your last day, here is a nice big tip. Perhaps treat that boyfriend of yours.” Courtney winked as she left the coffee shop. Waving to Jason one last time before she left. Jason smiled his way through the rest of his final shift. Thank you Courtney Act, for being the lovely human being I always imagined you were. _______________________________________ One of the oddest things that Matt had experienced so far in his life, was hearing his piano tune being played back at him back when he saw Violet the first time. Although, this was his tune, he wasn’t convinced it was even him playing on that Spotify playlist. He was still haunted by the weird sensation in his body that he felt hearing music that he had always called his own. Not coming from himself, live and in the moment. But this moment, right now, was the weirdest experience of his life to date. As he laid casually back on the sofa in the recording studio. Listening to an album, that was playing his melodies back to him. Holy Fuck. Raja looked pensive as he sat at the table with the producers. They stopped the tracks every so often to make notes and discuss ideas. Matt found the entire experience extremely strange. He felt like an outsider looking in on others. Other band members were scattered around the room, some talking to one other, some not. Matt didn’t really feel like mixing with the other members. They all seemed to keep to themselves. To be honest, he got the impression that Raja had just cherry picked who he thought would complement his vision and sound the most.  Matt’s heart wasn’t in the music and he hadn’t even left to tour yet. And I still haven’t told Jason how long I’ll be gone. He drummed his fingers on the couch as he listened to the tempo pick up. Electronic influences invaded the wonderful sound of the trumpet and drums blending together, and he couldn’t help but cringe. “Hey, I saw that.” The red haired drummer sat down next to Matt and smirked at him from the side. He panicked. Fuck, did I offend him? “Saw what?” Matt tried. Reaching down to the floor grabbing his bottle of water and taking a swig. “The grimace on your face. I feel your pain buddy. I love Jazz music. I just want to play drums and be happy. But I’m not convinced by the sound. Unfortunately though, Raja is really fucking good and what really pains me, is that I know that this shit is going to sell.” The man had a conflicted look in his eye as he swept his long, shaggy, red hair behind his ears. “I totally agree. I’m Matt by the way. Keys.” He held his hand out politely for the man to shake. “I’m Jerick, but I prefer to go by Jinkx.” He took Matt’s hand and shook firmly. The two sat next to one another for the next two hours while they listened to the album. Both cringing at the same moments in the track, at the exact same time. At least Matt had made one friend in the band. _______________________________________ Saturday night was still Matt’s night to hang out with his friends. Only now, he dragged Jason along with him. Much to Jason’s anti-social delight. “Matt, can we not stay too late? I have so much to do tomorrow before that theatre visit on Monday morning.” Jason pleaded with his eyes. Matt just smirked and rolled his eyes at his bratty nature. “Sure Pumpkin, anything for you.” He replied, kissing the top of Jason’s hand and dragged him into Charlie’s. Tonight was a small gathering of friends to celebrate Matt’s position in the band. He had invited his usual crowd of Willam, Sang, Scarlet and Jake; but he was also expecting Charlie and Dela to join them at some point in the evening, when the place was a little quieter. Matt had to quit working at Charlie’s, as he couldn’t find the time, or energy to play there anymore. He regretted this slightly, as he really enjoyed being able to get lost in his own music without being told how to play. He missed that feeling a lot. Jason sat nervously tapping his foot on the ground, biting his nails down to stubs. Matt assumed he was nervous as Charlie and Dela had never seen Jason before, they had only ever encountered Violet. “Stop jiggling, you’re making me sea sick!” Jake nagged from across the table. Matt laid his palm flatly on Jason’s leg and massaged the spot to relax him.  “I can’t believe you two are both moving on up in the world! Thank god! I was about to strangle Matt if he didn’t get his shit together soon!” Willam exclaimed. “And it’s all thanks to you Jason, so cheers Bitch!” He nudged Jason on the shoulder making him blush slightly. He still found Matt’s friends to be quite overbearing. Willam was something else, and Scarlet was always still trying, unsuccessfully, to get into Matt’s pants. Doesn’t she realise how desperate she looks? – mused Jason. He glanced at Matt’s other two friends, Sang and Jake, who were again completely different to Matt and himself. Jake was very mouthy and extremely handsome, but had his heart in the right place. Whereas Sang, was incredibly quiet and a little shy. Jason loved everything about Sang though, he was so down to earth. He also found that Sang was the person whom he conversed with the most out of Matt’s small group of friends. “Okay, this round is on me.” Jason announced as he stood up and walked over to the bar. He was hoping a drink would calm his nerves. _______________________________________ “Okay guys, I need your help.” Matt quickly whispered to his friends once Jason was out of earshot. “I still haven’t told him that I’ll be touring for 4 months. How so I tell him?” His tone was bordering on begging. “You say ‘I’m going to be on tour for 4 months.’ You idiot.” Jake snapped back sassily. “Dude, not helpful.” Matt stated. “God, I feel like such an asshole.” He sighed, as put his head in his hands. Sang moved to sit in Jason’s seat next to Matt, in an attempt to show some support. “He will understand Matt. It’s fine. Just tell him over dinner or something. It’ll be okay. He adores you, trust me.” He nudged Matt’s shoulder with his own, hoping he had re-assured his friend. I really hope he forgives me for keeping this from him. Matt could feel his heart grow warmer as Jason’s presence grew closer. He glanced up to meet Jason’s golden chocolate eyes with his own blue ones. Matt half-smiled as he looked at Jason with concern. Jason sat next to Matt and handed him his drink. He wrapped an arm around Jason and pulled him close. “I love you.” He whispered into his ear, kissing the side of Jason’s face. “You more.” Jason replied tenderly, turning Matt’s face and planting a soft kiss on his lips. Both boys were lost in each other’s gazes when they heard someone clear their throat opposite them.  Oh shit. Jason thought He gripped Matt’s knee tightly as he studied the expressions on Charlie’s and Dela’s faces. I can’t read them. “Who knew you were such an attractive guy as well Violet!” Charlie beamed. He instantly felt relieved as he stood to greet the couple for the first time as Jason. Nobody had called him Violet while he was Jason before, and it made him feel slightly nervous. Jason offered his hand timidly. “Jason Dardo” He stated with a slight shake to his voice, and Charlie took his hand and shook it smiling. He then moved to stand in front of Dela and she encompassed him in a warm hug. “Oh my god you two are so gorgeous together!” She gushed, making Jason blush. He then returned to sitting next to Matt as the group chatted feverishly for hours. _______________________________________ “Fuck yes, Matt! Harder!” Jason bellowed as Matt pounded into him from behind. Jason came violently moaning Matt’s name and he followed seconds after. Jason laid back in the bed, wrapping the blankets around him while Matt made his way to the bathroom. Jason waited a while, alone in the bed. He couldn’t hear any noise coming from the bathroom. Matt never left me alone after sex. This is weird. A crippling fear suddenly engulfed Jason, leading him to believe that he had been left alone. He wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and made his way to the bathroom. The bathroom door was ajar, but he still couldn’t hear any sounds coming from the bathroom. He stood for a while, scared of what he might see on the other side. Jason heard a faint whimper so he immediately lurched at the door, pushing it open. The door hit the wall and made a loud thud, making Matt jump as he looked up to meet Jason’s concerned face. Matt’s tear stroked face with red puffy eyes was enough to tell Jason that this was bad, and all he could see, was darkness. (1992) 19 Years Before. Atlanta. Summer. Jason sat on the floor of the big sunroom, playing with the toys laid out in front of him. It was getting darker outside. He was feeling colder. “Mumma.” Jason shouted. He repeated this until he felt tears start to prick at his eyes. He laid his palms flat on the ground and pushed himself up, his knee’s wobbling slightly under him. He started to move. He bumped into a few things on the way. He saw that the door to the room that held all of the sounds was closed.  “Mumma.” He tried again. He pushed the door with all of his weight and he stumbled through. Jason fell back on to his bum and let out a small whimper. He peeked up to see his beautiful mother, sat on the piano stall with her hands in her hair. Her shoulders were shaking as her regularly perfect styled hair fell in disarray over her face. “Mumma” He tried again. Only this time, she raised her eyes to meet her beautiful sons chocolate orbs. Jason frowned as he noticed her immaculate, porcelain face was red and puffy.

Jason had never seen his mother look this sad before, and all he could see, was darkness. (2011)  LA. Summer. “Matt.” Jason breathed, as he rushed forward, letting the blanket drop from his shoulders. He crouched in front of him and took his face between his hands. “Talk to me.” Jason begged. “I’m such an asshole.” Matt sobbed as Jason stroked his tears away. Silencing him with a kiss. “No you aren’t. Talk to me.” Jason stared intently into Matt’s bright blue eyes. He could feel the shiver stirring in his heart. Is this fear? “I’m leaving.” He confessed suddenly. Jason’s face paled. “I mean. God, this had been eating away at me since I signed the contract, and I never told you because I didn’t want you worry. But, what I mean is, that I’m going on tour and its only 3 or 4 months. But I might be away during your opening of your show and fuck… This couldn’t be worse timing, and I am so, so sorry and…” Jason cut off Matt’s confession with a fierce kiss. He felt his teeth hit Matt’s slightly at the sudden contact but he didn’t care. He pulled the back of Matt’s neck with force, wanting him to be as close as he possibly could. Jason broke the kiss and rested his forehead against Matt’s, breathing heavily. “When do you leave?” He asked, trying not to let the pain he was feeling show. “In three days.” Matt breathed. “Well, we had better make the most of it…” Jason stated. He smiled at Matt and placed a tender kiss on his forehead. “… And I am so, so proud of you.” Jason let Matt’s head fall to his shoulder while he played with the small hairs at the back of his head. Matt felt the warmth return to his heart, as the worry seemed to melt away, and all he could see, were stars. (1992) 19 Years Before. New York. Summer. “Why are you shouting at him? He didn’t do anything wrong you maniac!”  Matt sat cross legged on the top of the toilet. His head in his hands. Crying his eyes out. He was trying to calm his breathing, as he heard his parents arguing in the bedroom next door. “He is a baby. He needs to stop being such a sissy and act like my son should act! My son would not cry when his father shouted at him for leaving his fucking toys on the floor.” He heard the door slam shut and he jumped in terror. Matt put his hands over his ears and cried harder. Please just stop fighting. A loud bang on the bathroom door penetrated his eardrums, making him jump again. He kept his hands over his ears, hoping to drown the sound out. “Open this door Mathew! You need to grow up! You are 6! You don’t cry when I tell you off for something so trivial!” The man hollered through the door. The banging sound continued for some time before he heard the man stomp down the hallway and down the stairs. Matt concentrated on his breathing until he felt calm enough. He moved over to the door, unlocked it, and moved back over to the toilet. Climbing up and sitting on top of it once again, repositioning his head in his hands. The door creaked open and he knew his mother had come to check on him. He glanced up, his eyes met hers. “Matty.” She breathed, pulling him into a hug. She tucked his small legs around her mid-section while picking him up. Matt rested his head on his mother’s shoulder. He breathed in her scent and started to relax. Matt felt warm as his mother tucked him into his bed. She laid down next to him and tucked her hand under the side of her face. Staring back at him. “I’m sorry for your Dad Matty, he just… He gets mad sometimes for no reason. Just, tomorrow over breakfast, say you were sorry and then everything will go back to normal. I promise.” He could make out a small smile under the cover of the dark room. He noticed that it didn’t reach her eyes. She looks so sad. “We’ll never be a normal family mum.” Matt spoke gently, for the first time since he stopped crying. His voice a little croaky. “Dad will always shout at me. You will always be sad. And I’ll always just be… stuck in the middle.” Matt bit his lip, feeling like he might have overstepped the line. “Matty, you are my one true love, and you will always have me. And I will always have you. You are the most perfect son and every day that I get to spend with you, is worth it. I know that one day, you will make me so proud, just for being yourself. And on that day, you will remember this moment.” His mother swept his hair behind his ear as she spoke. Her touch felt magical. “Now, I’m going to sleep with my favourite boy tonight, so budge up.” She winked at him and pulled the covers back so she could climb in. She pulled Matt to her chest. He felt at peace listening to her heartbeat as she fell asleep. Matt gazed upwards, and all he could see, were stars. (2011)  LA. Summer. It had been three weeks since Matt started his tour. Jason had never felt more alone. How was I going to survive another 3 odd months of this? Today however, was different. Jason was out meeting with a theatre that was interested in hosting him, for a reasonable price, to showcase his ‘one woman show.’ He was excited, he just wished Matt was there to share his nervousness. He took his phone out and looked down at his lock screen. Staring back at him was a picture that Matt had snapped of himself a couple of nights ago. It was a mirror selfie of him completely naked apart from a pair of aviator sunglasses. The shot cut off at Matt’s midsection but you could see the top of his public hair poking out from the bottom of the picture. He was sporting a slight frown in the picture and wore his trademark smirk. It was although he knew that the photo would drive Jason crazy. Jason unlocked his phone and scrolled through his contacts. Once he located Handsome, he hit the call button. “Hey, its Matt, leave a message.” He sighed at hearing Matt’s voice. “Hey Handsome. I’m just checking in. I’m standing in front of ‘Ru’s Theatre’. You know? That one right near the pier. Well anyway, they actually contacted me, as they heard about my show through the grapevine. Whatever that means. Fuck Matt, I’m nervous. What if they are expecting some woman to show up?” He glanced down at his feet as he spoke. “I hope you are okay? Please try to call after the show tonight, I miss you… Anyway, I had better go. I love you, Dork.” Jason smiled down at the phone once he hung up. I can do this. He turned around to look up at the sign that read ‘Ru’s Theatre’. And all he could see, were stars.

[thepolyorchids]

Starting The Polyorchids (A West Coast Tour)

By Justin

The three of us used to play in a band called Stenna and the Poison Apples along with our good friend Ryan. After a year or so of local bar shows and an EP release, the band began to scatter, and then dissolved completely in 2008 when I moved to Chicago for school.

Just as I returned to California, Tony moved away to the Pacific Northwest, and then later to Maine for a couple of years. I bounced around the state for a while, but eventually landed back in Davis. After a significant lull period, I started writing again for the first time in a long while. Tony had been doing the same in Maine, and then he too moved back to California.

In our previous bands, we had some kind of inferiority complex that kept us from making it anything too serious. Going on tour always felt like a very legit thing that Real Bands do, so who were we to mess with that? We were from a small town and nobody around us was going on tour. It never even blipped on our radar as a possibility.

But why not? Once the idea entered my head, I couldn’t really let it go. I floated the idea to Tony, who was on board before I could even finish the sentence. Trav had just moved nearby to Vacaville, and he was into it too, so we started practicing some songs – a few old ones, a few new ones and some covers to pad things out – in his spare room. I put the Stenna and the Poison Apples EP on Bandcamp and sent a shit load of emails in an attempt to book the tour under that name (even though the music we were now playing was something more stripped back), doing my best to give the impression that we were an established band who had never stopped playing, even though we had no social media presence. Tony did something he’d always wanted to do: bought an upright bass (and immediately freaked out about the purchase), but then learned it on the fly as we booked the tour – something that still blows my mind. 

In the end, we nailed down 9 shows in 10 days, from Mendocino County to Orange County. Tony’s mom let us borrow her Mercury Mountaineer and we rented a U-haul trailer. What followed was an killer experience that would be spun into The Polyorchids a few months later. These shows went from May 22 to May 30, 2015:

Shanachie Pub, Willits, CA – We stayed in a fleabag motel called The Lark, which would ultimately become the title of a yet-to-be-recorded Polyorchids song. The gig was packed with folks who were living there temporarily to support the weed economy. They happened to love the 10-minute freeform jams we heavily leaned on to pad out our three-hour (!) set. They could mostly give a shit about our three-minute originals, although the experience truly was positive from top to bottom. We made a couple hundred dollars, drank for free, and were fed a pizza for dinner. It was our first show in years (besides a pretty brutal warm-up gig at a bar in our hometown) and it put some serious wind in our sails for the rest of the tour. It was the best start imaginable. 

Winters Tavern in Pacifica, CA – The free pizza from the previous night wrecked every band member’s stomach – mine especially. We crashed in San Francisco with our friend Casey, whose bathroom felt the wrath of the whole band. The show was awesome and the venue was great, but I felt like I was going to die about three-fourths through our set. I was officially ill. 

Sean’s House, Walnut Creek, CA – The next day was our only day off. We had arranged to crash at our pal Sean’s house before a show in Oakland. His ex-in-laws were over for dinner, and we played them like six acoustic songs in the living room. You could argue that this wasn’t actually a show, but Tony cautions me not to fuck up a good story with the truth – so this definitely counts as a show. Oh yeah, I had become sick as hell and spent the bulk of this day sleeping.

The Night Light in Oakland, CA  – Our band was scheduled to play a set after a slate of stand up comedians. The night was hosted by an old college friend, Joey Devine, who has since carved out a space in California’s stand-up comedy scene. We watched Mad Max: Fury Road that morning (from the front row of the full theater). Not a pleasant experience when you’re sick as hell. As we drove over Highway 24, our radiator blew up. Honestly, I was pretty certain for a minute that the tour was dead in its tracks. I think we all were. But we had a show in like an hour, so we poured every bottle of spring water we had into the Mountaineer’s cracked radiator, which somehow got us to the summit of the Oakland hills. We rolled down the other side of the mountain and parked our overheated car near the venue. After the show (which was fun, and a nice way to distract from our fucked-up vehicle), we drove a few blocks to a Chevron (car already getting hot ), where we replenished our radiator coolant. We filled it up, and then climbed Highway 24. As we reached Sean’s house, it was just starting to get too hot again. We made it, and we fell asleep knowing we had some choices to make the next day.

East Village Coffee in Monterey, CA  – First thing in the morning, we walked across Walnut Creek to a Napa Auto Parts, where a guy named Jim Sandman sold us a fresh radiator. Tony’s mom had passed along our car troubles to his Uncle Ron, who said he’d wire us a couple hundred bucks for a new radiator if it’d keep the tour in motion. (Cheers to uncle Ron). We walked back to Sean’s and spent the next five hours replacing the busted one, which wouldn’t have been possible without Travis. Swapping a radiator is pretty clear-cut, but Tony and I wouldn’t have had the confidence to think we could do it that morning and still make it to our show in Monterey that evening. Trav grabbed the reigns and got the job done, with Tony and I as his assistants. Now we bow at the alter of Jim Sandman. I played Willie Nelson’s “On the Road Again” from my iPhone as we cut out of town with our fresh radiator and some renewed excitement. We made it to East Village Coffee about 30 minutes before our scheduled set – where we played about an hour of songs in front of a few close friends and a handful of strangers who were there to drink tea and read books. (Although a few of them tipped us the money we’d use a few minutes later retreat to a nearby brewery, where we’d drink off the long day).

During the drive out of Monterey that night, I had a very slight accident in my pants as a result of my illness, which had reached its depths by that point. I disposed of my underwear at an In-n-Out Burger in Salinas, and resigned myself to ridicule from my peers, which I received in heavy doses. I’m including it here because it’s not even worth trying to keep secret. It’s the first thing Trav and Tony share when asked about that tour, as they should. We crashed at April’s house in Morro Bay and grabbed sandwiches at a deli before heading south. (I drank a homemade kombucha at that deli and credit it entirely for a rapid reversal of my stomach illness, even if it had nothing to do with it). Plus, I slept great that night. 

The Red Cove in Ventura, CA – We Yelped The Red Cove just as we pulled into Ventura and found a disturbing amount of comments describing the place as a hub for skinheads and white supremacists. (Photo taken in the parking lot). When booking the tour, I had cast a massively wide net, because I knew our band was not a draw, especially on a Wednesday night in a town where we had no friends. But I had also sent a blast of emails to some alt-weekly magazines and websites, and the only one that reached out was a weekly magazine in Ventura. They interviewed me and wrote a cheesy-as-hell article that made our band sound far more legit than it actually was. (The Red Cove staff had seen the article, so they tripled their staff for the night). We arrived on the Wednesday night to pretty much zero crowd, besides a handful of skinheads sitting far away from the stage and one nice middle-aged woman who loved our band and educated us on Oxnard’s nardcore punk scene of her youth. The place was dead and the sound sucked. (Tony’s upright bass fed back endlessly atop the hollow wooden stage). We packed up as soon as we could and drove up to my grandma’s in Valencia for the night. Thanks, grandma. 

Pike’s Bar in Long Beach, CA – I was excited to book this show mostly for Tony’s sake, because Pike’s is owned by a former drummer of Social Distortion, whom he loves. (Trav and I could take or leave ‘em). As it turned out, it was among the best shows of the tour. The people were great and so was the sound. We crashed with my super hospitable friends Amanda and Nate, who also fed us a great dinner. The set was great, and we befriended some locals with whom we hung out post-show. If we get to do a similar tour again, Pike’s will be on the list.

The Copper Door in Santa Ana, CA – I booked this place because I had gone out for drinks there with Bianca’s sister about a year earlier and dug it. The show was cool, but we played super early as a warm-up for a DJ. The place was quiet besides Bianca’s family and our buddy Mike. The show itself wasn’t anything special, but it was a nice, mellow stop, and it was cool to hang with friends and family. 

Kevin & Steph’s House Show in San Clemente, CA – We ended things at my uncle’s house in south Orange County. It was a backyard BBQ, and we set up facing the pool, but didn’t start playing until evening. Just as we started playing, most people settled in around the bonfire directly behind us. Poor planning on our part. We turned our gear around for the second set and had a long, fun night, even if we didn’t sound our best. We drove home the following morning absolutely knackered, barely making it home without passing out at the wheel.

We let things settle for there months -- not playing another show until we debuted as The Polyorchids at a Battle of the Bands at the Yolo County Fair that summer. (2nd Place, right where we belong). We played Odometer, Bottom of the Bay and a song we had just finished called Popgun. My second son, Milo, was born the day after that set, which made things extra crazy. We took another few months off before playing again, but then we regrouped, started fleshing out some new songs, and have been clipping along ever since.