#(for now only mised some that are lost medias and others that. are not on the streaming websites i have. not my priorities for now

[chaotictomtom]

trying my hardest to keep my first time watched movie streak (25 since the 1st of jan for now) but..... i want to rewatch saw so bad.........and hot rod...wahhhh </333333 shaking at high frequencies and white knuckling my chair's armrests

[underleaves]

BREAK

Like the title says, I'm going to take a break, not from drawing but from social media. With this news comes the closure of my Tipeee and Patreon accounts.

The decision may seem abrupt to you, but it is the result of a need for a change in the way I work which has grown over the months, until it became obvious to me.

Including the webcomic platforms, I update no less than 10 platforms, including 6 on a multi-weekly basis. It takes me a third of my time and honestly, I've gotten to a point where I literally feel exhausted from social media and the race for visibility. I feel like I have been chasing for years after a train that started without me and that I will never catch up anyway.

The problem is, working without social media when you're a freelance artist is like leaving your career behind. So I would like to rethink the way I manage communication in order to free myself time to draw again and to regain a freedom of mind that I have lost for too long.

And this change requires that I close Tipeee and Patreon as well as some of my other platforms.

With Instagram, Deviantart will remain one of my favorite platforms.

Tumblr is in the hot seat, although I have over a thousand subscribers, between the bots of and the people who left the platform, I don't feel that the number is very representative of the audience actually present. And since the Tumblrians are more lurkers than anything else I kinda feel like I'm alone in front of a ocean of indifference, which doesn't help to think that the game is worth the effort. Maybe I'll keep updating, but only by posts sent from instagram, I won't be doing manual updates anymore, unless you come forward to deny my impression.

For now, I'm mainly going to get away from the web and try to relearn how to enjoy drawing without a second thought, without seeking productivity or consistency, because it's something I haven't been able to do for years.

With the 4 months of exclusivity my Tipeee had on public posts, I have a lot to post. The webcomic will continue to be updated on DA and webtoon on a regular basis until I run out of pages ahead, but I honestly have no idea how to handle the rest. Maybe I'll take an outright break of several weeks… or several months. Maybe two days from now I'll be back and be posting randomly depending on my mood and my energy. The only sure thing is that I want to stop seeing sharing what I do as a constraint and so I can reconnect with all of you a bit.

I opened a Kofi page if ever some people want to continue to support me without compensation. https://ko-fi.com/maiwennunderleaves

Thank you for continuing your journey with me, I hope you are all doing as well as possible. ♥

-------------------------

Comme le titre l’annonce, je vais prendre une pause vis à vis, non pas du dessin, mais des réseaux sociaux. Cette nouvelle s’accompagne de la fermeture de mes comptes Tipeee et Patreon.

La décision peut vous paraître abrupte mais elle résulte d’un besoin de changement dans ma façon de travailler qui a grandi au fil des mois, jusqu’à s’imposer à moi comme une évidence.

En comptant les plateformes de webcomic, je tiens à jour pas moins de 10 plateformes dont 6 de façon pluri-hebdomadaire. Cela me prend un tiers de mon temps et honnêtement, j’en suis arrivée à un stade où je me sens littéralement épuisée par les réseaux sociaux et la course à la visibilité. J’ai l’impression de courir depuis des années après un train qui a démarré sans moi et que je ne rattraperai de toute façon jamais.

Le problème c’est que se passer des réseaux sociaux quand on est artiste indépendant, c’est comme tirer une croix sur sa carrière. J’aimerai donc repenser ma façon de gérer la communication afin de me libérer de nouveau du temps pour dessiner et de retrouver une liberté d’esprit que j’ai perdu depuis trop longtemps.

Et ce changement nécessite que je ferme Tipeee et Patreon ainsi que certaines de mes autres plateformes.

Avec instagram, Deviantart restera l’une de mes plateformes privilégiées.

Tumblr est sur la sellette, j’ai beau avoir dépassé le millier d’abonnés, entre les bots de et les gens qui ont quitté la plateforme, je n’ai pas l’impression que le nombre soit très représentatif du public réellement présent. Et comme les tumblriens sont des lurkers plus qu’autre chose j’ai un peu l’impression d’être seule face à un océan d’indifférence, ce qui n’aide pas à se dire que le jeu en vaut la chandelle. Je continuerai peut-être les mises à jour, mais seulement par renvoi de post depuis instagram, je ne viendrai plus faire de mises à jour manuelles, à moins que vous ne vous manifestiez pour démentir mon impression.

Pour le moment je vais surtout m’éloigner du net et essayer de réapprendre à apprécier dessiner sans arrière pensée, sans recherche de productivité ni de régularité, parce que c’est quelque chose que je ne sais plus faire depuis des années.

Avec les 4 mois d’exclusivité qu’avait mon Tipeee sur les posts publics, j’ai un paquet de choses à poster. Le webcomic va continuer à être mis à jour sur DA et webtoon sur une base régulière jusqu’à ce que je n’ai plus de planches d’avance, mais je n’ai honnêtement aucune idée de comment je vais gérer le reste. Peut-être que je ferai une pause pure et dure de plusieurs semaines… ou de plusieurs mois. Peut-être que d’ici deux jours je serai déjà de retour à poster de façon aléatoire en fonction de mon envie et de mon énergie. La seule chose sûre c’est que je veux arrêter de voir le fait de partager ce que je fais comme une contrainte et qu’ainsi, je pourrais reconnecter un peu avec vous tous.

Je me suis ouvert une page Kofi si jamais certains veulent continuer à me soutenir sans contrepartie.

https://ko-fi.com/maiwennunderleaves

Merci à vous de poursuivre votre chemin à mes côtés, j’espère que vous vous portez tous aussi bien que possible. ♥

[chiseler]

Edison and the Rise of the Snuff Film

“Fog and smog should not be confused and are easily separated by color. Fog is about the color of the insides of an old split wet summer cottage mattress; smog is the color and consistency of a wet potato chip soaked in a motorman’s glove.”   – Chuck Jones

The Execution of Mary Stuart was made in August of 1895, produced by Thomas Edison and directed by Alfred Clark. It has a running time of 18 seconds and depicts the last moments of Mary, Queen of Scots. It is notable for several reasons: as the first costume drama period piece—still a wildly popular genre in the Republic, as proven by The Tudors or Game of Thrones; and as the world’s first horror film (Méliès’ Le Manoir du Diable, which usually takes this accolade, was made the next year). It is also thematically linked to the most famous American flick, our Revelation of St. John or Epic of Gilgamesh: Zapruder’s footage of the Kennedy assassination. This 60-second saga, shot by a Ukrainian-born clothing manufacturer, is so famous that it is probably impossible by now to watch it like one watches other films. The massive literary exegesis/sequel, The President's Commission on the Assassination of President Kennedy, some 26 volumes in length, shows clearly the aura of holiness around a reel that can hardly be called just a ‘movie’.

Despite its relative obscurity, Edison’s Mary is a more influential production than is usually given credit. Its lingering effects include the modish cult of ‘snuff’ films, short clips showing actual murder with a violent sexual patina, as well as the execution propaganda of insurgent studio systems—most notably those of the Levantine organization, ISIS.

The similarities are instructive, formally and practically. The ISIS films also use editing at the denouement, but unlike Edison’s, they do not actually show the moment itself. The focus is instead on the horrible aftermath (at least visually), in order to work on the schooled imagination of the viewer. In the most crucial difference, the ‘star’ is actually murdered. Perhaps their most ambitious production, Though the Unbelievers Despise It, took four hours to make and features at least four cuts, not to mention the lives of some 20 Syrian soldiers. But we will here concentrate on the films that show a single slaying, such as Another Message to America and Its Allies, as the true exemplars of their cinema. Its larger-scale spectacles can never hope to compete with even the most pedestrian shots of the aerial bombardment of a city. But when they work pared down to the essentials, ISIS’ productions are a match for anyone’s.

Here, the sophistication of cinema ISIS relies on color and several well-placed edits, while the static position of the camera remains a self-conscious homage to early documentary. ‘Realism’ is a deliberate pose, as the framing of the films make clear—the executioner may be the real executioner, or just one of ISIS’ soldiers, as the killing is not shown on camera; the empty desert behind the statue-like figures is a stark abstract strip. The films were made in studios with high production values and sophisticated technology, a fact that has led some people to see them as off-Hollywood psyops projects produced with Saudi or American assistance (or at least with the sponsorship of Adidas, as footage of their columns’ early marches into Syria plainly shows). Whatever the case, simple elements are used to maximal effect. The use of free distribution platforms, a sadistic insight into audience fetishism, and the need to produce images for a legitimacy far beyond mere international recognition make ISIS anything but ‘medieval’ fundamentalists. As the movement declared its state, it also declared a foundational myth and for this myth, it knew it must create a cinema.

In Edison’s film, Mary is played by Robert L Thomae, which seems to have been his only role (he is mentioned in several sources as an employee of the Edison Company and may have been a choice of the moment, as with ISIS’ executioner-actor). The action is as follows: Mary steps up to the headsman block. The executioner lifts his axe, dispatches the last Stuart and then holds her severed head up for the audience—that is, for the courtiers and for the film viewer, a dual audience. A crude edit allows for the substitution of a mannequin, making the film also an early example of Grand Guignol special effects.

Historical killings on film were first done as mock-ups. There is film of Archduke Ferdinand reviewing his troops, but no one shot the assassination. Zapruder’s film can be seen an American remake: it shows the doomed President reviewing not his soldiers but the people outside Camelot; his motorcade passes and the good king dies with assassin off-camera (depending on who you ask). There is also footage of Czar Nicholas and other heads of state, but by the time of the First World War newsreels were utterly ubiquitous: anyone could appear on film. The early immortality of the nobles had quickly vanished forever. They were condemned to look like actors or be subsumed into family vacation footage. Zapruder’s accidental film returned some of the glow of eternity to history caught on celluloid, yet constant repetition since then has taken it apart frame by frame and it has disappeared into memorabilia.

Conversely, ISIS’ productions are avant garde agit prop: glowing images brilliantly worked in an uncanny mise-en-scène, a martial, immediate nostalgia for Year One. The use of green screen shows that the production team is more interested in color than with naturalism and is willing to spend money and time for scenes that could have easily been shot verité (Influence of Hollywood on ‘Caliph’ al Baghdadi’s cinema, rather than the 9th Century Baghdad school of optics—which shows again that he is no traditionalist). Offscreen fans blow the hair and flags of the participants; the executioner appears on a miraculous nuclear plane, half future earth and half divine ordination. Obscenely, the Day of Judgment in one man’s death is reduced to a symbol, then reduced again to a threat for tourists. As the brutal killings occur off-screen, the rather clumsily-simulated aftermath is obviously an aesthetic decision. Deciding what is shown and what is not marks every single filmmaker, from a kid with his cellphone to the Bollywood mogul.

ISIS may be most remembered for its cinema—if you discount its innumerable victims in Syria and Iraq, as the Western media always does. Its shrinking land holdings should properly be considered a last pitch to a captive audience or a vast studio lot now under hostile competitor control. Their films are exercises in total Technicolor modernism, with aspects both archaic and experimental, as befits their robust and seductive ideology. There is a Pirandellism even in their military operations—though they are hardly the first. The attack on Palmyra was Epic Vs. Epic, staged in front of the ruins as if these ruins were Caberia or Intolerance. Caberia was partly written and promoted by D’Annunzio; Intolerance was De Mille’s agonized revision of Birth of a Nation, the latter an opportunist attempt at making money from the perverse visions of lynch mobs.

But the greatest invention of Abu Bakr al Baghdadi, the self-proclaimed (studio) head of ISIS, comparable to Howard Hughes but somewhat distinct from ISIS as a collective auteur project, was himself. More lost than the fabled reels of Ambersons and Greed, the final cut may rest deep in impregnable Langley or in the sub-basement of an Ankara post-production house, never to see the light of day. All we have are these eerie franchises played out with grave seriousness in places where empires compete, scored with real screams. Fake desert, fake Caliph, fake enemies.

The contradiction of supposed ‘snuff’ films is that they have always existed, but as war footage or disaster reels, easily available for free on prime-time television or called up via a million online videos. The selling point is the illegality and home-made aesthetics of ‘outlaw’ works, made for an exclusive conspiratorial club—of which the films of ISIS are really no different than a Netflix True Crime series. They combine the savviness of Silicon Valley with Old World American shell game, brute force and reaction, the poetry of murder and the thrill of feeling like you are the only one watching. For that reason, we can trace a line from Edison straight to the throat-cutters, passing through the gardens of those quiet suburbs our haunted secret agents swear to protect. The real art of the ISIS Corp lies in its Fordian project for a total community, a reworking of the past that is cinematic and available to everyone. It was the United States that understood the epos of the past needed to be self-reflecting if they were to be at all. Pharaoh must be an actor playing Pharaoh (Jack Hawkins, say), just as ISIS’ Caliph—far more film Pharaoh than historical Caliph, neither righteous nor even louche—must be an actor who employs another actor, just as al Baghdadi apparently did for his voice-overs and his doubles (one of them wearing a Rolex). To accuse ISIL, ISIS, Dae’sh of fanaticism obscures the professional, provocative point of their filmmaking. Like CIA, they adhere to a solid critique of realism, similar to Langley’s promotion of Abstract Expressionism in the 1950s against the USSR’s Stalinist line on socialist realism.

The representation of death obsessed Edison as much as it did ISIS. His company competed with Westinghouse in what was called ‘the war of the currents’, with Edison promoting a direct and Westinghouse an alternative current to power the electric chair. His West Orange laboratory was used to test his design on animals, most famously on Topsy the Elephant in 1903—which Edison naturally filmed. The two firms finally reached a temporary compromise, and William Kimmler was successfully electrocuted on August 6, 1890. But the killing was botched and agonizing to behold—also the case for ISIS over a century later, who could not allow itself to be seen as incompetent on film. Swiftness says efficiency, and the way around the problem was death offscreen, a sword stroke made all the more poignant by being put into relief. As for Edison and electrocution, Judge Dwight’s ruling had stated that “although the mode of death described is conceded to be unusual, there is no common knowledge or consent that it is cruel; it is a question of fact whether an electric current of sufficient intensity and skillfully applied will produce death without unnecessary suffering.”

Edison made The Execution of Czolgosz with Panorama of Auburn Prison in 1901, six years after his Mary Queen of Scots film. Leon Czolgosz had assassinated President McKinley that same year and was indeed executed, but Edison’s film was a fake, made to sell his new improved electric chair after the Kimmler debacle a decade earler. A far more ambitious work than any of his previous, perhaps because product placement was involved and contracts were to be won, it begins with a long panoramic shot of dead trees and marshland, ending on the walls of the prison and a cut to the interior. There are four cuts in the film and the execution of the anarchist Czolgosz is more convincingly rendered than the earlier death of the Scots Queen. The establishing shot of the lonely area prefigures those of ISIS in their fastness, and the film is so roughly pixelated in contemporary digital reproduction that this landscape looks like a model in an atom age monster movie.

That the eyes see for a few seconds after decapitation is a perpetual folktale. Also that beheading, like drowning and the chair, is quick and comparatively painless.

by Martin Billheimer

[1] I admit here to not actually having seen any of the ISIS oeuvre. There is no point—they have been seen by millions and watching them would be like falling into the Zapruder spiral. Looking for clues and secrets is an arrogant pastime which reduces everyone to the misery of an 'expert'. It has been noted that ISIS' films do include audio of the off-camera killings, which are real if not in time, just as the ‘confessions’ of the doomed men, recited over the earlier part of the films, are also ‘real’. This adds to the dislocation of watching a ‘mock’ execution which ends in a real one, with 'real' sound over posed images. The whole cruel and disorienting puzzle makes, I imagine, a viewing experience that is both indelible and banal.

[1] Though none of these torture and sex films were actually discovered at the time of the craze (1970s), they did surface later, made by killers who were inspired by the very public investigations launched to uncover them. The original legal targets were standard fare—a series of Japanese shockers with the moniker Guinea Pig (the filmmakers had to show the old rushes in court to prove that their actresses were very much alive, giggling and covered in red syrup); or utter trash, like 1975’s Snuff, which was picketed after the film’s producers spread a rumor that its totally unconvincing killings were real ‘South American’ murder footage.

[saibalray]

CINEMA (WORKING TITLE)

1. THE PHONE CALL

Ray had just woken up from the bed in the morning. He brushed up his teeth. Then he prepared a cup of tea at the kitchen of his Chandigarh apartment. Then he came to his room and opened the laptop. He was clueless about what to do since his 5th novel just got released. Now he was planning to work on his sixth one. He had the idea in his mind. It was slowly taking a shape for the last few days. However, he was listening to a soothing music, when a phone call from a lady came at around 7 o’clock.

-        Hello.

-        Yes. Who is this?

-        Good Evening.

-        Good Morning!

-        I’m calling from California.

-        Yes tell me.

-        My name is Stella. Is this Ray?

-        Yes.

-        Okay. I have read your blog.

-        (Excited) Okay, how was it?

-        It’s great indeed!

-        Thanks!

-        Yes, now I have a proposal for you.

-        And what is that?

-        Can you write a cinematic novel out of your poems?

-        (Excited) Yes I was exactly thinking about that!

-        Yes, I know you can do it. I will fund this project.

-        Some poems are in Bengali?

-        I know I have read them too with the help of a translator.

-        But I have a question.

-        Okay.

-        Why are you interested in this project?

-        Because I am interested in male psychology.

-        I am also interested in female psychology.

-        So, are you gonna do it?

-        Yes, of course. But I have another question.

-        Yes tell me.

-        Who will direct the movie?

-        Of course you.

-        Yes, I won’t give it to anybody.

-        But on one condition.

-        I hate conditions!

-        Listen to me first.

-        Okay, tell me.

-        Yes, you won’t put name of any brand in your writing as you did in your previous novel.

-        That’s exactly what I want now.

-        Yes, it has to be pure.

-        And I won’t give it to anybody to direct.

-        I know. How could you? They are your people.

-        Are you gonna come to India to meet me?

-        Yes.

-        When?

-        I��ll tell you soon.

-        Okay, I will wait for your call.

-        Thanks, bye bye.

-        Bye.

-        Take care!

-        You too!

This was great indeed. Ray felt excited. He was now waiting for the call and thinking about how to plot the story. He finished the cup of tea and phoned his parents in Kolkata as he does every morning.

2. THE IDEA

After a long time Ray browsed through his Bengali blog. He put most of his diaries on this blog. The poems, he used to write on these diaries, were actually mere documentation of his feelings. He wrote poems always as a method of catharsis since the day his father taught him how to write poems. He still remembered the incident of his first faulty rhyme. His father before going for shopping told him how to rhyme. He simply collected some lines from his text book that ends with the same sound and put it together one by one. When his father returned, he showed him that. His father told him that he had to devise his own lines. This was the beginning of the journey. He did not remember what his first poem was since he discarded many poems as he did not like it. But the first diary was still there. In the beginning he had a habit of writing anywhere. But then his father gave him a diary. That was his first diary. He was mostly driven by his father’s teachings and girl friends that aroused feelings in his heart. In the primary school he had a special relationship with a girl Nabanita. She left because of her father’s transferable job. However, that time the media was not so connected and his father did not allow him to get too much influenced by the television. So his relationship with Nabanita was pure and platonic. After primary school, as Nabanita left, he got closer to another beautiful girl Madhurima. She was his main inspiration behind the first diary. His family had a close relation with their family. She was pretty indeed. But he never told him that he wrote poems getting inspired by her since he was afraid of his father. However, this girl had a tendency to play with the mind of other boys. He even fled with a tall boy, and her family rejected him afterwards. But Ray’s father taught him literature. So his feelings were really restricted within poems. He cherished the beauty and kept on writing and fell in love with poems. That was the beginning and till now it was going on. But as Stella asked him he was really brainstorming how to put the poems in a cinematic way. Let’s try some tools of cinema. He thought of montage. But it was not suitable for a poetic treatment. Poems could not be treated as playback since it was unlike songs. Mise-en-scene was the only way to deal with poems. Since she told him for a poetic treatment, she thought when he would make the movie; he would do it like Tarkovsky. ‘But let’s first write the novel’ – he thought. He always wrote poems in rhyme except a few in prosaic styles. After a long time he found a way to start the novel. The senses of the Bengali poems would be translated in English. The rhyme form might have been lost. And then he would describe his fantasies around the poem that could be shot. That would be the best way to write this novel he thought. Next morning Stella phoned again.

-        Hello, this is Stella here.

-        Yes, yes I have saved your number.

-        Okay. Did you find a way out?

-        Yes, but it’ll take time since I have to translate the Bengali poems.

-        Yes, that’s true.

-        But only the senses will be translated since it’s very difficult to translate the rhyme as it is.

-        Yes, I know. Every language has its own sound and that cannot be translated.

-        Hmm.

-        I have a surprise for you.

-        I’ll transfer a decent amount as advance to your account.

-        Okay.

-        Tell me how you want to receive it.

-        I’ll send you a link. Tell me the amount.                          

After that Stella told him about the amount and he sent a request online. And the amount got credited soon.

3. THE POEM ‘ARRIVAL’

The earth is dancing, the sky is dancing,

My heart is dancing.

I’m getting unstable by shaking it

With flower.

The river is babbling.

The butterfly is calling.

In the dawn to bathe

The holy girl is going.

The sky is very red.

The flower is getting relaxed.

The bees are drinking honey

Making their heart satiated.

Meanwhile the holidays

For one month is coming slowly.

On the raft the goddess

Is flying in slowly.

Relieving all the Goddess Madhurima

Is coming in.

Because of that I’m

So impatient.

4. THE FANTASY OF ‘ARRIVAL’

After writing this poem, he felt to fly with Madhurima across the sky. Then after coming down on the earth, he wanted to hug her. Then he wanted to go far away from the town. Then he wanted to touch her. After that he wanted to sleep with her in the catkin bush hiding from the nonsense of the crowd of the small town.

5. THE POEM ‘IN THE GREED OF PUJO’

The ‘Pujo’ is coming       The catkins are dancing

                   Just look at that.

In the desire of honey     The Shefali flowers

                  Falling on the ground.

The birds are flying          The river is flowing

                 It’s the time of autumn fair.

You and me                     Are playing only

                 The game of stealing mind.

I caress the dream         Inside my mind

             They may not come true.

Amid the Pujo               We will again build

             The days of dreams.

6. THE FANTASY OF ‘IN THE GREED OF PUJO’

He wrote the poem before the famous festival of Bengal. Everybody buys new clothes during this time. The relatives gift new clothes this time. And the lovers dream to be together this time. So he wanted to travel from pandal to pandal with Madhurima. But that time the society was too conservative. Every decent couple was scared of the old people. So they could not be together during the Pujo. But they wanted to travel from pandal to pandal together.

7. THE SPLIT RHYMES OF NEW YEAR

7.1 Amid the falling leaves

            The new sun is rising.

            See in the whole world

            The New Year is waking.

7.2. Wish in the New Year

               All is well.

                Let’s call the light

        Of New Sun.

7.3 On the new day the new card

     I am sending to you.

     Wish the new love with the new

     Become fulfilled.

7.4 Wish the dream of staying well

     Be mixed up with you.

     Wish our adda become

     More happening in the form of new.

7.5 Wetting it in syrup of love

     I give you the letter.

     Let the attire of friendship be dazzled

     In the new year.

7.6  Forgetting all, opening up the heart,

     Knowing only the new,

     I give you all my love

     Only to you.

8. THE FANTASY OF THE NEW YEAR

It was new year. So the poems naturally celebrated the new and the new love. He wanted to refresh their love. He used to design greeting cards cutting the art paper and drawing cartoons on it. And then he used to gift to her and all his friends. So, he gifted a card to her expecting to refresh his hidden desire.

9. THE POEM ‘SILENT LOVE’

On that side blooming a white rose

A tree is giving its look.

On this side there is a bee hive

And the bees are singing with hazy tone.

When it’s dawn, the bees go to the tree

Dancing with the queen.

The mindboggling smell of flower –

The bell of heart starts ringing.

He wants to say something.

But he hides his face from the flower.

He goes time and again and comes back.

The mind is dreamful.

He thinks too far –

How to tell the flower what he thinks.

Probably the flower’s mind also swings

On the lap of bee’s imagination.

The tale of this intense love –

Who will tell by any chance?

Who will tell? Who will tell?

Who will tell unmindfully?

10. THE FANTASY OF ‘SILENT LOVE’

Actually this poem he wrote since he could not tell her that he was in love with her. So he used to go to her every day. He used to play with her. But he could never tell her that he was in love with her. She also did not know what love was actually. She enjoyed playing with her. But it was the innocence of puberty that attracted both of them towards each other. But they did not know what to say. They were crazy to be fused with each other. But they were scared and unmindful.

11. THE POEM ‘LET IT BE SALTY’

In the teen if the touch comes in,

The touch of falling in love and coming close,

‘I’ll sit by you, I’ll come close to you’- if the mind thinks,

They stick to each other, and they will not listen to anyone.

People say, ‘O my god, the brat is totally spoiled’.

The brat says, ‘Damn it! I have just started to taste it’.

The age says ‘Leave the lecture, this is our demand.’

‘Just fifteen – how can we forget the new fun?’

This is true, this is true – the glue of raw jackfruit!

Is it so easy to remove even if you make the dog lick?

The dog also follows rule, the tether is true.

But this brat continues to dance on the rope of love.

The green tamarind is so sour – you eat with salt.

So let it be a little more, even if it’s the raw age.

The raw age is very sour; so salt is inevitable.

Let the love be salty; what’s so harmful in it?

This love may not stay in the old age.

So the memory should stay there as the heart wants.

A little bit of sweet meat, who wants to eat?

Let the small memory be salty –only it will be tasty then.

12. THE FANTASY OF ‘LET IT BE SALTY’

This poem was written after he read a novel of Bankim, where the old writer was describing how it felt to cherish the memory of teenage love. He was totally influenced by that novel. His uncle gifted it to him. So he wrote this poem to forget the pain of not being able to disclose the love to her girl friend. He forgot the pain temporarily by reading Bankim.

13. THE POEM ‘LOVE BEGGAR’

All the secrets

I’ll pour off.

I’ll forsake the shame.

Pull me close

And give me love

Full of your heart.

I want love.

I want madness.

I am mad for you.

Give me love,

Only love.

You just give it to me.

Squeeze me with your

Naked hands and

Blood red lips.

Whatever I have

Snatch it all

And give me your love.

If I get love

I’ll go and

I’ll leave all.

I’ll go to the land of sun,

Where the dream oozes.

14. THE FANTASY OF ‘LOVE BEGGAR’

He was crazy for her girl friend. He wanted to leave home with her. He wanted to go to someplace else far away from the daily life. Dreams that defy the reality he wrote as this poem. He wanted to go to somewhere, where there will be no disturbance to dream big. But he never wanted to be alone. He wanted to explore dreams that were unreachable for the reality. He was impatient to get her girl friend. He was telling himself that he could do anything to get her as a life partner. But he was clueless under the blue sky like a beggar. He was begging for her love.

15. THE POEM ‘BUTTERFLY’

Butterfly The showy colours of your wings,

               The style of yours on the flowers,

                Are too sweet.

                At your eyes I put my eyes

                And there is the rain of

                Happiness.

Butterfly   Looking at you

                 I feel calm and

                 I keep on dreaming.

                 I lose my way suddenly,

                 The chariot of mirth full of

                 The smell of love

                  Flies in my heart.

Butterfly      Your dazzling dance

                    And the makeup on the flower –

                     Make me hypnotized.

                     I see you and I think where

                     Is the key of your mind.

                     I feel like opening the lock.

Butterfly      On your breast the music is dormant.

                    My heart floods with emotion -

                    The sight of your eyes.

                    When your heart dances

                     The new song of love

                     Gets created.

Butterfly       On your wing the new song

                     Makes my heart filled

                     With the sweet smell of honey.

                     My mind wants you

                     Loving you all the time

                     In the rhyme of love.

Butterfly       Your heart and my mind

                     Will stay together forever

                     Looking at the world.

                     Faraway there the sky floats on air

                     Starry eyes come to see.

                     Along with our heart.

16. THE FANTASY OF ‘BUTTERFLY’

Her nickname was butterfly. He used to call her with this name. He used to cherish looking at her. Every time he looked at her, his heart used to become full of emotions. He used to think of how to praise her. Thus he wrote this poem.

17. THE POEM ‘FIRST MEETING’

Going along without goal

Suddenly I saw on the way

Standing, who are you?

The moon like face of yours

From my heart everything

Just squeezes away.

The soft smile of your red lips –

The love flute plays in heart –

Please tell me who you are.

Who is this enchantress of the dreamland?

At the first glimpse,

She snatched my heart.

With soft eyes and polite smile

You looked at me with love.

-only seeing that

I am flooded with love tide.

So with stormy heart

I am looking for you.

18. THE FANTASY OF ‘FIRST MEETING’

It was a complete imagination. Though he met her before and played with her before and gossiped with her before, he dreamt of a dream date with her. And that reflects in the poem. It was a dream to meet her as for the first time.

19. THE POEM ‘THE FIRST’

The known eyes are lost.

Nobody knows where.

Yet, in the dream in every morning and evening

They call me.

At the warm red lips

And vibrating cheeks

The heart got stuck

Many days back.

In this life I can’t forget

The enchantress.

For her there’s this touch of love

And dreamful pain.

For her the dreamy seven hues

Fall on the heart

And makes it crazy, mad

And dizzy very often.

With the rhyme of honey

And sweet smell, she came close.

In the mind that comes

Every time with illusion.

I love that sweet smile

Till now during spare time.

All pain gets relieved because of

That memory.

Who will understand and who will make me understand why the mind is shaky.

The heart is still wet with

The juice of first love.

20. THE FANTASY OF ‘THE FIRST’

He was writing this poem in Kolkata sitting at a mess. By this time he joined a reputed college in Kolkata for higher studies. He left his home. But he would go frequently to his home town so that he could meet her again. This was starting of getting distant from her. Far away from home he missed her too much and always he would be eager to go back home just to see her. This first love would make her completely homesick.

21: THE POEM ‘DREAM’

You are the hope of weary mind;

Without you active eyes are blind.

You always smear pale faces with freshness;

You are the love of minds, vexed and hopeless.

You give both eyes a new happy sight,

You are the mirth and sorrow at midnight.

I feel crazy to cuddle you turning off lights;

I find lost songs in you every day and night.

Only you can allay my heart's agonies,

You are the elixir, I love you like a beast.

22. THE FANTASY OF ‘DREAM’

He felt lonely out there in the big city. He was uncertain about his future. So he was clueless about how go back to her girl friend. He was anxious about losing her any day. So he was trying to relax himself. On one hand there was his girl friend and on the other hand there was his dream. This was the time when these two emotions started clashing with each other. It was not about choosing one among them. It was about how to handle these two. So since he missed her and also he dreamt about her every day, he wrote this poem. This was very critical to understand this poem. Very precisely in her absence, he surrendered to his dream. It was like meditating in the crowded lonely city. When nothing was there, he had his dream.

23. THE POEM ‘I JUST LOVE YOU’

Amorous butterfly you have come

And stood before me.

Seeing you the harp of my heart

Is playing loudly.

Suave smile, white face

And bright eyes

Make me mad.

So sweet is your frown.

You are sweet, you are the creation.

Seeing you I feel happy.

I see you there and in dream.

I feel so happy.

So for words of your red lips

I come time and again.

Forgetting everything, opening heart

I just love you.

24. THE FANTASY OF ‘I JUST LOVE YOU’

He returned home in a vacation. Again he saw her out there. But he was afraid to approach her. The distance by now had grown more. She used to go by their house. She used sit on the culvert in front of her house. He used to sit with his friends. Everybody wanted to know his feelings. But the distance started to grow more. He understood that slowly she was going away from him. But she did not want it. He did not want it. But he could not tell it to her too because he had to score good in the examinations. And love was seen as a poison for concentration. But he could not tell anybody that he needed her to score good marks in the examinations. Since for more than seven years she inspired him to write poems and scoring good marks in the examinations. So her absence and his shy mind made everything impossible for him. He just could not reveal it to anybody.

25. THE PEOM ‘AT YOU’

I came to your heart

With a lot of hope,

As the Autumn clouds

Float on the sky.

To me your eyes

Are a wonder

You are more beautiful

Than the flower I guess.

I have travelled a lot.

I stopped at you.

Don’t refuse. Please call me

At you.

26. THE FANTASY OF ‘AT YOU’

This poem he wrote after returning from home having failed to tell her about his desire. So this was the beginning of his insecurity complex. The idea that his father would retire from job soon and he had to stand on his own feet made him totally insecure in the lonely city. Though his relatives were there in the city, he could not feel homely since they remained busy with their jobs. Only a retired maternal aunty used to call her at her place time and again. He used to argue about the world order with her husband. But whenever he met any new girl, he thought that he was not suitable for her for either she was too beautiful and had a great future or she was from a social background that could not be afforded by him.

27. THE POEM ‘TO YOU’

With a little make up and smile

You looked at me.

Seeing you for a moment

I look for your face

Here and there.

At your gestures and postures

I am mad and crazy.

So, I keep hope and

I scoot to you

Asking for your heart.

At your song and your ego

The dam of my mind gets broken.

Losing track in wild forest,

I scout for your eye balls

Madly.

The flower is your friend.

You are butterfly amazing.

Will you feel angry

If I look at you

A little bit more?

28. THE FANTASY OF ‘TO YOU’

Again he could not see her because of the distance. He wanted to see her face that used to relax her. But there was no other way out to go to her except during the vacation. Even the higher study made him too busy. He started watching movies in cheap theatres. He started visiting his relatives’. But nothing satisfied him. He used to pack his bag six months before any vacation. It was simply unimaginable for any practical human being. But he was that homesick. He was crazy for her. He was anxious for his career. His heart was pounding every second for her.

29. THE SPIT RHYMES

  29.1 The boat of love swings slowly

          On the blue sky.

          My mind has been lost

          To the butterfly.

  29.2  The seven hues are calling

           Tearing the breasts of blue.

           Let my heart be lost

           In the ocean of love.

  29.3  I will come close, I will sit by you

           And I will smile.

           I have become too ardent

           Loving you.

 29.4 For whom I do so many things,

         She does not care.

         Others only show consolation

         That’s not fare.

  29.5 I see in wonder

          How two of your eyes

          Make me purblind.

  29.6 The heart swings inside chest.

          The emotion of love gets spilled

           On the crazy mind.

           Looking at you for a moment

           The flute of mirth is playing

            In silent heartshire.

  29.7 They know we are uncontrollable

           We are dangerous.

            The great lord got vanished

             Because of us.

   29.8 Two of our tiny hearts

            Might be too close.

            Yet, there must be a distance of

             Rustic tune.

 29.9 My dreams float like a cloud

         Inside your eyes.

         They smile with the tune of love.

         The ignorant mind gets lost

          Loving you forever.

 29.10 The shadow of mirth, the warm illusion

            And the colours dreamful

            Hit my heart and makes

            My heart crazy.

 29.11  Time and again, round and round

             The illusion of memory

             Fill my heart and makes me

             Forget all the give-and-takes.

30. THE FANTASY OF ‘SPLIT RHYMES’

This was written again, when he returned home for a vacation in 2003, which means he was in the final year of his Physics Honours course. He saw her again but from a distance. He was now clueless about what to do. So he was writing split rhymes to create an illusion of happiness within himself. At the same time he did not believe in god since first he was a student of Physics and second his father told him there would be no god to save you when you grew old. So it was better to work hard for a safe future. This is the beginning of the illusions that he would keep on creating from now onwards – a futile effort to keep the happiness intact inside by means of illusions that would keep on breaking and getting built up inside the mind time and again.

31. THE POEM ‘EAGER’

In the limit of limitless sky

On the thinking boat of love ocean

Floating with the crazy mind

Let my heart find the love.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

Crazy in happiness,

Warm touch and warm stream,

The cold body is all screwed

After the hug.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

Leaving all the shyness,

Shaking the shape of body,

Let the moony night

Find the warmth again.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

Let it go to hell today.

Let it be lost with a love-tune.

At the limitless horizon

There’s the call of seven notes.

Let my heart float away

Anywhere today.

32. THE FANTASY OF ‘EAGER’

This was a flash back poem, written in 2002. But he posted it on the blog after the ‘Split Rhymes’ that were written in 2003. Now he wanted to have sex with her at night, especially a moony night. He wanted to hug her and feel the fragrance of her body. This was the result of his desire to get fused with her at a moon lit night. This was the manifestation of his pure sexual desire that he would hide from the society. So, yes, the fantasy of the poem was certainly having a holy alfresco sex with her under the moon. He would write this kind of poems time and again whenever he felt the urge.

31. THE POEM ‘ONLY YOU’

Let the night come, if it really wants to fall.

The smile of your red lips will flash in moon light.

The bright eyes are as if the flame of revolution.

Looking at those I’ll tell the words of my heart.

You are there at every nook and corner of my heart.

I just think when I’ll be able to reach your heart.

I beg of you to give me a place at your heart.

Take my love filling your heart fully.

Today a pair of lips told you the words of my heart.

Are your red lips gonna tell everything is futile?

If it happens so, just know that I’m gonna die!

I could not win your heart – that’s the defeat.

32. FANTASY OF ‘ONLY YOU’

This poem was suicidal. He was getting scared sitting far away from home that he would certainly lose her. So he was declaring his defeat.Nothing was more important to him now than her. He was giving a hint of committing suicide. But nobody read the poem. It should have been read  by her. But that was not possible. So he was rolling the life with dwindling hope and amplified doubt. This would make him skeptical about the intentions of girls.  This would result misunderstanding the girls soon. By this time he was studying in a boys’ college. But he was extremely introvert especially about her hidden desire towards girls. He would discuss about world order loudly with his peers. But he would not share his fantasy for girls with anybody. It would reflect only in his poems that nobody till then read.

33. THE POEM ‘I’VE LOVED’

I’ve loved you my dear.

I’ve loved you.

You’ve played me. So

I’ve loved you.

You’ve got the crazy fragrance

Of my disheveled hair.

You’ve slipped upon my

Suave beauty and

Thus you’ve aerated my heart.

You’ve seen my beauty.

You’ve got my soft touch.

With all the madness

Your heart got the mirth.

Whatever I have,

I’ve given you all.

You’ve played me. So

I’ve loved you.

34. THE FANTASY OF ‘I’VE LOVED’

This was an important poem. In his childhood his father made him a member of the local library, where he got introduced to some women writers. He read about feminism. He read about women by women. Now he was recalling them. The colourful teenage made him quite mature about women at a very early stage of life. So he could not be a feminist since he had experienced close contact with girls including his girlfriend before. Except Madhurima he had some other girls as his friends. However, now sitting far away from home, he was trying to understand what Madhurima could feel about him. Thus the poem got created. He wrote on behalf of her. He tried to imagine her feelings. He tried to put himself in her shoe psychologically.

35. THE POEM ‘LOVE MEANS…’

Can "You-are-mine-and-I-am-yours"

Strengthen the love-bond?

Love means all are close

You and I are vagabonds.

36. THE FANTASY OF ‘LOVE MEANS …’

In heart he felt like a vagabond or mendicant. He wanted to travel to unknown lands with her girl friend and meet new people. This is the imagination. But in reality he was travelling alone - sometimes with his friends, sometimes with his relatives, sometimes with his parents; but never with his girl friend -thus the poem.

37. THE POEM ‘THE SPARROW’

A sparrow has just learnt to fly.

She starts her new life by throwing

The chirp of freedom to the blue sky.

One day she goes out to make a new nest.

In the dusk, she gets a shelter inside a hole

Of a big tree bent over a small pond.

When the sky shows its reddish dawn-soul,

She wakes the tree up.

A tiny shiny fish moves up and down there

In the water of the pond; the tree sees and smiles.

As the sparrow joins, today they feel happier.

At the arrival of a new friend they become cheerful.

All are excited and joyful.

The time becomes ruthless suddenly.

The tree that gives flowers and fruits all the time

Is relieved of life untimely.

The pond is filled by soil in no time.

Alas! Where is the tree and where is the fish?

All is buried now in the darkness of time.

The helpless sparrow starts her journey again.

Now she comes to a nearby city. There

In a huge palace inside a small hole

She builds her nest; she cannot get her share

Of left-over food there any more since

The number of beggars keeps increasing.

She cannot tolerate the pain of life there.

She starts flying madly to find a shelter.

She gets irritated by the shrill sound and smoke

Of factories and cars.

At last she gets a permanent shelter.

While flying through the city, she gets hit by a bus.

She sleeps forever on the dust.

She gets fused with this huge earth.

38. THE FANTASY OF ‘THE SPARROW’

By this time he wrote quite a number of poems and read more than that. This poem was a result of his reading poems vividly and the benevolence taught by his father. This had nothing to do with his girl friend. It was a poem that he wrote to practice his writing skill. And this was probably the first poem that he wrote in a prosaic style. That’s it.

39. THE POEM ‘NEW YEAR FROM FAR AWAY’

Remember our tales.

Remember our pains.

Many words of heart and mind

Of the lost hundred days,

In the ray of New Year,

Let’s celebrate again.

With all these now we will talk

Through letters.

40. THE FANTASY OF ‘NEW YEAR FROM FAR AWAY’

This is a poem for Easa, another girl, who was his classmate and now she was staying in Odisha for higher study. They used to send letters to each other. She was a good student. So, he wrote this poem for her.

41. THE POEM ‘GO THE WAY YOU SHOULD’

The eastern sky is calling now.

Keep walking my friends.

Rain or storm,Happy or sad,

The morn or eve -whatever it is -

Let’s go ahead my friends.

Don’t look back even for once.

See the tinge of red.

The scarlet sky is calling you.

The horizon is radiant.

Look ahead my friends.

Even if you find no one now,

Go alone my friend.

In severe pain, with eyes aflame,

Just don’t be upset.

Let’s go ahead my friends.

All the words that are unsaid

Speak out my friends.

All the slogans that ring inside-

Now and then-

Shout out my friends.

Let the hindrance come closer.

Why to be so afraid?

The sound of conch is out there

Amidst the shocking deaths.

Cross each turn with your head

Held high my friends.

42. FANTASY OF ‘GO THE WAY YOU SHOULD’

He was now writing letters to Easa regularly. But he was not in love with her. She was a good friend from his home town. Opposites always attract. So it was kind of that – a good friend of opposite sex. By her letters he was trying to reduce the inner pain that he could not share with anyone. He was fed up with Madhurima since he felt ‘enough is enough’ kind of emotion inside. He was unable to bear the pain anymore. He would feel this emotion afterwards also and this emotion would produce some of the poems later. So he wanted to cheer up himself by writing this poem.

43. THE POEM ‘GO AHEAD’

Losing way in dense forest

Looking at bereft heart

The mind gets burnt.

Leaving the nostalgia

Go ahead towards the light.

The address will be found.

You are not the only one, who lost the way.

There are many talents like you –

You’ll find there ahead.

Let the mountains and rivers come.

Keep going my friend.

The dream will be found.

Don’t be afraid of the unknown.

Keep no hesitation

While going ahead.

On the way in the mud

If you fall and get stuck,

Call the unknown.

Forgetting all the pain

With the light of free mind

Go ahead all of you.

Leaving the nostalgia

Go ahead towards the light.

The address will be found.

44. FANTASY OF ‘GO AHEAD’

He wrote this poem, when he dreamt big. He wanted to face the unknown people and unknown places. That was his father’s lesson. His father told him to prepare for struggle. His father told him that life is a struggle. If he does not study well, he won’t be able to travel places. So listening to his father’s words, he wrote this poem. All you needed a pen and paper to dream big. So this poem was a dream that he saw from his study through the window towards the culvert where the pretty girl used to come and sit.

45. THE PHONE CALL

After a few days when he was feeling tired of writing, Stella phoned him in a morning. She said,

-        Good evening!

-        Good Morning!

-        How do you do?

-        I’m fine, just a bit tired of writing.

-        I know that’s quite natural.

-        Yes.

-        Can you do one thing?

-        What?

-        Mail me whatever you have written so far.

-        Okay.

-        Actually I am really eager to see what you have done. It must be interesting.

-        I don’t know.

-        Okay fine. Just send me the write-up and take rest for some days. I’ll text you my email id.

-        Okay.

-        Take care. Bye bye.

-        You too. Bye.

After a few seconds of the conversation, Stella texted her email id. And he forwarded a soft copy to her. Then he phoned his parents since it was the time of pandemic and lockdown. Then he prepared his breakfast and had coffee with it. He did some office works from home. In the evening he went for a stroll in the park. He phoned his friends. Then at night he slept after talking to his parents over phone. Next morning Stella phoned him again,

-        Good evening.

-        Good Morning.

-        I read your draft.

-        Really!

-        Yes.

-        How is it?

-        Pretty unique and unconventional.

-        Thanks!

-        But you skipped some poems written in 2001 I guess.

-        Yes, it’s not complete yet. Some of the poems have similar fantasies…

-        No no! I want to know all the fantasies. Don’t skip any single poem.

-        Okay, I’ll do something about it.

-        Yes please. Did you have your breakfast?

-        No.

-        What are you gonna have?

-        Butter toasts, coffee, orange and banana.

-        You should take eggs also.

-        Yes usually I take that. But I am scared for the situation of lockdown. So we have become a little bit of economical now.

-        Okay.

-        Who were there in your family?

-        My parents and my sister.

-        Did she get married?

-        Yes.

-        Okay. Where do they stay?

-        They stay in Kolkata. I mean Calcutta according to British pronunciation.

-        Yes, I know. And where do you stay?

-        I stay in Chandigarh.

-        Okay. That’s nice.

-        Won’t you ask how big the apartment is or what is the cost of bearing me as a producer?

-        (Smile) No, I am not that kind of a lady! My purpose of asking you these questions was just to make you feel relaxed. I know what you deserve. These queries have nothing to do with our deal.

-        Okay.

-        Now listen to me carefully.

-        Okay.

-        You keep writing. After the lockdown my manager will come to India to sign a contract with you.

-        Yes that’s better since I do a job.

-        Yes and if you need more money, just write to me.

-        I don’t write for money.

-        I know dear. But money is necessary. Keep it up. Goodbye!

-        Goodbye.

She cut the phone. He went to prepare breakfast. But his brain became active again. He was thinking about how to incorporate the skipped poems in the draft.

-        ary. Keep it up. Goodbye!

-        Goodbye.

She cut the phone. He went to prepare breakfast. But his brain became active again. He was thinking about how to incorporate the skipped poems in the draft.

46. DOWN THE MEMORY LANE

Summer was knocking at the door. Here in Chandigarh the summer is always horrible. It reaches at least 46 degree Celsius every year. It makes everyone suffer a lot every year. However, till now the weather was okay.  So he was scared about the summer. Yet, he woke up in the morning. The sun ray was coming through his window. It was no longer pleasant and it had started to show its might slowly. So far the sun was enjoyable. He used to slide the curtain to open his window every morning. But he could not do it anymore. Now it had started to become hotter. This year he would definitely buy an air conditioner. But he had a doubt about what would happen post lockdown. He might get a better job with a better package. In that case all these gadgets like washing machine, geyser, air conditioner, television would be a burden. So till now he was living with minimum gadgets. However, the warm sun was rising behind the buildings hinting a dry followed by a sultry summer. And he was having a cup of tea. After writing a chapter he would prepare his breakfast. After spending a whole day for thinking about an idea about how to include the previous poems he could not get anything new. So he decided to stick to the grammar of cinema. A cut away would be a nice choice he thought. ‘So let’s cut away down the memory lane’, he thought. The name of the next poem was ‘During the Pujo’. Pujo was a huge festival in Bengal. And everyone liked this festival. So he would also enjoy the festival. Every year during this time he would get excited to mingle with people and have fun. Everybody did that. Precisely no body participated in this festival as a religious being. He participated in all the festivals like Pujo, Eid, Muharram, Christmas etc. But he never followed any rituals but eating since he was not encouraged by his father to do so. His father never told him not to go to the festivals. But he said that every progressive idea helped toward a better world. So he was too innocent to understand the propaganda behind these festivals. Now he knew it while writing this draft. He would translate the poems related to festivals. But it had nothing to do with religions, especially the organised propagandist divisive ones. He was taught to celebrate festivals but not the rituals that would culminate to division of humanity and civil war. That’s never accepted. Now he felt that all festivals could be there without the propaganda behind it. That had to be removed at any cost. He liked humanity, festivals, celebrations, parties. He would go to anywhere to attend any festivals. But he would not follow the rituals that were connected to propaganda and controlled by a particular religion. In fact he felt that people should have worked together to remove the religions from the festivals. Then everything would have been alright.

47. THE POEM ‘DURING THE PUJO’

I will be here during this festival.

I will be nearby.

I will see how much you can dress up.

I will see how much you can smile.

I will see who looks better -

The goddess or you.

May be I said something too much.

Forgive me, forgive me dear!

If you cannot do it,

You rather be angry.

I will see you from a distance.

I will see how you look.

The light of moon beam on pink face –

That’s also not so bad.

48. FANTASY OF ‘DURING THE PUJO’

He was studying in a high school and the festival was coming. He was excited to see his girl friend in new attire. He wanted to see her from a distance since he could not propose her till now. He was afraid of her. He always thought what would be her reaction – positive or negative – in case he proposed her. He was not prepared to take no for an answer. And he was scared of his father. So he always thought twice before committing any nuisance. So he wrote this poem as if he was prodding her with words on the culvert where they met almost every day.

49. THE POEM ‘TOMORROW’

Through every vein of mine

Sending the warm flowing addiction,

You are living happily.

You thought I’d get addicted

And stay dizzy as always.

Probably I am like that today.

But did you think that forever

I’d stay like this?

You did a blunder if you had thought so.

The poison that you injected into me

Is eating up me now slowly.

It has burnt and provoked me

Like an angry tigress.

Today I am excited.

I am clad with the fire of revenge.

You thought you would sleep quiet

In the light of falling afternoon.

And you would stay happily.

I’ll not allow that.

In the high summer

On the dry desert

On  the great pyre

Slowly I’ll burn you

Bit by bit.

With poison I’ll burn your body.

Then I’ll throw your body

On the burning chest of hot sun.

The hunger of the history

Will be satiated then.

50. FANTASY OF ‘TOMORROW’

This poem was the result of many things. He was studying in class eleven. In the morning with his father he used to hear German Bengali, Chinese Bengali and British Bengali radio news. And he used to discuss those with his father and friends. Then he used to play with his girl friend. Since then he was worried about the downtrodden people of the world. By this time he read Hegel, Feuerbach, and thus Marx. He read an English version of Das Kapital. As a result he conceived of the future world. This poem was about a revenge that symbolised a world after revolution or any other radical change.

51. THE POEM ‘FOR LOOKING AT HER AT ONCE THE FIRE OF LOVE’S BEEN KINDLED AT THE HEART’

Why did you look at me

That way for a moment?

Crazy is my heart dear

And I’ve become mad for you.

I’m mad, I’m eager.

The heart is having a storm.

Where’ve you been lost dear?

Take me back at your heart

I can’t bear it anymore.

For the soft touch of your eyes

I’ve lost my whole memory

But your presence there.

With the touch of your red lips

At your soft naked eyes

I’ve surrendered my heart.

I’ve surrendered to you.

I’m mad for you.

So I rush to you.

Just sit by me and I’ll tell

That I love you.

52. FANTASY OF ‘FOR LOOKING AT HER AT ONCE THE FIRE OF LOVE’S BEEN KINDLED AT THE HEART’

This was again the desire to be closer to her. He was looking at her every day. Now he wanted to kiss her openly at the place where they used to meet every day. Closer and closer he wanted to come.  But it was not possible at a conservative society for a young boy of reputation. On one hand the desire, on another hand the society. Kissing openly in public was considered vulgar in India. But that was exactly what he wanted to do. Just a kiss under the afternoon sun and everything would have been solved.

53. THE POEM ‘OUR TALE’

The conspiracy of pain -

All the consolations are false.

We’ve heard enough theory

About life.

We’ve seen a lot of pain.

We’ve seen people dying.

They’re fighting against hunger.

Yet, the heart is full of hope.

So many scars at the heart

We’ve kept intact like gun powder;

When it is kindled,

The horizon will be burnt.

But the sun will rise again.

Don’t give up my friend!

Hold the tether tight.

The sun is hot and blooming.

53. FANTASY OF ‘OUR TALE’

This was the real story of them, which means the boy friends. They did not like to study. They did not want to hear any sophisticated theory about life. They were hopeless. They were impulse driven. They wanted ready-made solution about their future and career. So they were giving a damn to the establishment. They were watching pornography. They were shouting aloud at the adda. They were dismissing all the theories. They had become complete cynics. But he ended the poem with a hope as he always did. Again he even did not show this poem to his friends. He was so possessive about his poems. At that age he did not know the reason. Now he realised that he was introvert about his poems since the origin of it was mainly his girl friend. He grabbed his poems so tight as if they were his girl friend.

54. THE POEM ‘THE RACE OF BRAWLERS’

A shabby cottage with thousands of holes on the roof,

Everything inside is visible with a little effort,

It’s more if it’s called a house, it’s even more, if it’s called a cottage –

Just like a house of cards or a brittle bottle.

It’s monsoon. So it’s going to fall soon.

After that there will only be sky over the head.

No income - without food they spend the days.

They have nothing, but the naked child has clay at least.

With the clay he builds up mountains and cuts the river before

Along with the memory of grass flower that he saw somewhere

In the imagination his tiny mountain is much bigger.

Beneath the mountain there are many boulders.

His mother sat to cut the stones on the lap of barren mountain.

He is playing with the thin grasses with full concentration.

He is smiling at her mother. The mother is smiling at him.

Suddenly someone cries aloud, and the smile is gone.

The mother’s eyes are wet and blood trickles from her hand.

The little child without getting it starts to cry aloud.

Unmindfully her hand got thrashed by the hammer.

The fancy traveller gets irritated and calls her the race of brawlers.  

55. FANTASY OF ‘THE RACE OF BRAWLERS’

This was poem completely driven by his altruist philosophy. By reading philanthropic philosophies he discovered his hidden sympathy for the downtrodden class. And he used to visit mountainous Bhutan often for picnic or travelling. There he saw these workers cutting the rocks. So he fantasised this poem.

56. THE POEM ‘LOVE’

Catkins get a swing.

The flower Shefali wakes.

Unknown jungle birds

Are chirping here and there.

The Sun uncle opens the eyes.

The tiny grass flower gets a swing.

On your pink face the soft sun –

The heart flies here and there.

On the sweet day with the happy song

Let the door of my heart open.

From my tiny heart

I give you a gift.

57. FANTASY OF ‘LOVE’

He wanted to gift her something. But his father was strict about money and flexible about creativity. So he did not have money to purchase a gift for her. He was also feeling shy to tell her about love. So with all these emotions, he wrote this poem for her. All he could give was love and poems. He did not tell her about the poem again. But he wanted to go to her and gift something really rare. But he was not sure whether the poem was rare or cheap.

58. THE POEM ‘LOVE YOU’

For you

I’m mad.

So, I’m looking for you.

With care

I’ve put you there

Inside my heart.

Dishevelled appearance –

In the juice of youth

You are wet dear.

If I get you

I’ll give up

All the shame I have.

When I’ll meet

You there

At the love night,

You will see

How happy

It’ll be.

I’ll sit by you

I’ll come to you.

Love flute will play.

Touching your heart

My love

I’ll tell you

I love you.

59. FANTASY OF ‘LOVE YOU’

He wanted to meet her at a special night without being ashamed. It means he wanted to be free with her. He wanted to meet her in a quiet night with a special ambience. And yes there was a hint of sex. But it was not only sex but also the ambience.

60. THE POEM ‘LOVING YOU’

Loving the mankind

I’ve known the earth.

Loving the blood

I’ve known the struggle.

Loving the sweat

I’ve known the sorrow.

Loving you

I’ve known myself.

61. FANTASY OF ‘LOVING YOU’

This was a philosophical poem. He wanted to say if she was not there he could not explore his inner soul. If she was not there he could not experience the emotions that were hidden inside him. The mankind, the earth, the blood, the struggle, the sweat and the sorrow could be experienced everywhere. But knowing the ego was not so easy. Because of her he could discover his ego. And with that ego he would travel different places keeping her memory within.

62. THE POEM ‘THE OLD’

That playground of run-from-circle and the rows of mango trees

Have got lost one by one and filled with the concrete jungle.

So many known faces and lines of known smiles Have got lost and I’m alone there from horizon to horizon.

The close friends got lost and the far got closer.

Quarrelling with the far, I’ve gone to new land.

Wherever I’ve gone to get happiness of mind,

I’ve got shocked seeing thousands of hungry stomachs.

Walking a long distance, I’ve stopped by you.

But still I doubt whether Madhurima is there on my way.

63. FANTASY OF ‘THE OLD’

This was a very interesting poem. Till now he had not left home town. But he was always interested in reading books outside the syllabus. So slowly he developed a philosopher inside him. That philosopher was writing this poem. This was a prediction made by the philosopher within with a slight hint of skepticism. He was being a realist that when he would leave home, he was going to encounter a reality that was not going to be all sweet at all. So he was ending the poem with his girl friend’s name that symbolises his skeptisism about achieving her. He was not so sure about his future be it the marriage nor be it the career. From this poem onwards his subconscious would be dictated by his wisdom that he achieved by reading and hearing and the reality that he would experience every day.

64. THE POEM ‘THE SOUND OF THUNDER’

The thunder roars and I hear it with my ears

            The thunder pen cuts the lines

On the chest of sky.         The scared people

                        Shut the door.

The suave moon’s     and       The free night’s

                        Heart losing light

Gets destroyed                       In a moment

                        By the raging storm.

In the stormy wind         The traveller in the end

                    Loses his path.

One step ahead                 Two steps back

               The lightning in the dark.

On the river water             There will be soon

                      The raging waves.

On the sky                       With dishevelled hair

   Which beautiful lady shows it wrong!

By the angry look           of the disheveled hair.

                The heart is pounding hard.

When you will look         On the opposite side

                          Of the dark hair.

You will know that           You love only this

                               Lady.

65. FANTASY OF ‘THE SOUND OF THUNDER’

This was a poem about a rainy night influenced by his girl friend. He was sitting in his study. It was load-shedding. So there was no light. Only a hurricane light was lit. The sky was clad with dark clouds. Lightning was happening. And thus he compared the nature around with her girl friend.

66. THE POEM ‘SEEING AT ONCE’

The red long scarf is flying in the air

With the red rose.

Into the shy eyes of the princess

The heart’s got stuck.

The beggar eyes do not shift

From the immaculate beauty.

Seeing her at once

The heart is filled with mirth.

On her shiny moony face

The sap of beauty falls.

I wish I look at her

For a thousand years.

67. FANTASY OF ‘SEEING AT ONCE’

This poem is again out of the eagerness of seeing her. He missed her. He was preparing for his final board examination. After the examination, he would prepare for higher study. And after getting the result, he would go to Kolkata. And the fear of distance and the desire of seeing her continuously produced this poem.

68. THE POEM ‘THE LOST YOUTH’

In the new fun of new monsoon,

In the new dawn with the smell of shefali,

In the new hue of the new sun,

In the colour of rose petals and

In the happy nature’s craziness,

I’ve seen you with my full heart.

On the tribal girl’s limbs and body,

With flowery ornaments,

In the suave manifestation of moon beam and

In the cool wind of dense forest

I’ve seen you with my full heart.

Keeping the eye on that of a doe,

At the shy golden face,

When the deer looks with

Full concentration,

In the flood of its hearty passion

I’ve seen you with my full heart.

Beneath the starry sky,

Sitting with you in privacy,

With the touch of your uncrowded hand,

With the touch of your uncrowded hand,

I’ve forgotten everything.

Even then I’ve seen you in the

Suave manifestation of moon beam.

Today I don’t see you anywhere,

Afraid and scared, have you left

This earth dear? Probably

On the chest of a faraway star

Immobile is your sight.

That’s why I no longer forget everything.

That’s why the immobile sight of yours from

A faraway star makes me think

Time and again.

69. FANTASY OF ‘THE LOST YOUTH’

A very close uncle of the colony gifted him a book of Jibanananda, a famous poet of Bengal, on his birthday. His poems were ornamental with details. He started reading those poems. That was his first introduction with this Master post-Tagore poet. So in his heart he was always scared of losing her girl friend one fine morning. This emotion got fused with the style of Jibanananda. But he was also aware of the fact that he did not even know the details of Bengal as this Master poet did. So his inferiority complex grew inside and he did not show it to anybody since he felt it was not as great as the Master poet’s creations.

70. THE POEM ‘WISH’

Wish

With the force of a kick,

Tearing all the tethers,

In the land of hues,

With a crazy mind,

Through the dust,

Flying and flying,

Losing way and finding way,

With the smell

Along the heart,

Wish with you

I get lost in

The land of love.

71. FANTASY OF ‘WISH’

He wanted to experiment with the poetic styles now. He thought of a poem that was a one liner. He was still preparing for his final board examination and he was experiencing the burden of study. So he wanted to run away with his girl friend. This emotion and the pressure of study produced this experimental poem.

72. THE POEM ‘YOUTH’

A little joy, a little pain,

A few coloured words,

Joy, sorrow, weep, smile –

With all these we love.

Hard again simple and easy,

Sweet, salty, a bit poison,

A bit white, a bit black,

Dirty, grey or good,

Amid all there’s the light of hope.

We are bad, we are good.

73. FANTASY OF ‘YOUTH’

This was again a poem about his friends collectively. He was young and his friends were also young. His girl friend was young too. And he loved all of them. So he was writing a poem about their youth that was going through different experiences and incidents in their lives. It was colourful indeed!

74. THE POEM ‘WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED’

Today the moon looks good.

The grass flower calls me closer.

Hearing the chirps of jungle bird,

My heart becomes jolly.

Who knows what happened!

Joy pours into my heart.

Amid the joy with the love song

The heart plays the rustic tune.

In the forest’s creepers and trees’ leaves

It wakes up with the chirps of birds.

In soft sun on the love ocean

My heart gets lost.

Wish I exceed everything

Destroying everything -

Breaking the shackle

Wish I get lost in the mirth.

Across the sky and air

The fragrance of love makes it crazy.

Wherever I look it’s all joy.

I’m mad for you.

Under the moon beam in the suave evening

Amid this limitless joy

Everything looks good.

Who knows what happened today!

75. FANTASY OF ‘WHO KNOWS WHAT HAPPENED’

This was a simple poem about happiness. It happened often when he got excited about the nature, peers and girlfriend. And when he felt less pressure he used to feel like this. In fact the time of the poem was very important. It was a flashback poem written in 2000 a year before the previous poems. The date was important since in 2000 he was in class eleven. So the pressure of study was less as the board examination would happen in 2001. So this year was the playtime for him. He was enjoying everything around. A little bit of study, a little bit of football, and a little bit of meaningless gossiping with girl friend – and everything became wonderful.

76. THE POEM ‘RUSTIC LOVE’

Every morning a boy and a girl

Used to make mountains and play together.

The boy used to draw with fingers on the earth.

The girl used to say, ‘I don’t understand what you do!’

The boy used to say, ‘There’s no meaning I just love to draw!

Please bring the water and let’s build a fancy hill again.’

When the girl used to make garland of shefali,

The boy inserted one of them into her hair.

The girl used to rush to her mother to show it.

The mother used say, ‘You are looking really nice today!’

Then and there she used to run to the boy and say

‘Please insert another into my hair.’

Her hand was clayed and the heart was full of fragrance of flower!

This way they love each other.

If you wish to call it love, call it so or not.

The simple clay hill was much bigger in the imagination.

The barren mountain was green in the imagination.

There was a narrow stream, where pearls were flowing.

How did it matter that the stream was small and narrow?

It made the unwilling boulders move.

This way when the girl used to think sitting there,

The boy used to ask, ‘Please tell me what you were thinking so tight.’

The girl used to say, ‘There’s no meaning I just love to imagine.

Let’s bring the water and build a new mountain again.’

New mountain, new soil, new imagination –

This way they love each other.

77. FANTACY OF ‘RUSTIC LOVE’

His home town was surrounded by villages and rustic lives. If the sky was clear the third highest peak Kanchanjangha was easily visible from the north end of the town. Now he was reading literature vividly. He was playing with his girlfriend and thus he had his imagination. So, he imagined a rustic love and put it in words.

78. THE POEM ‘SWEET SMILE’

How sweetly you smiled

Looking at me –

I felt relaxed O my

Darling of dreamland.

Into my mind you have

Inserted the touch of beauty.

Over the suave soft smile

The heart is flying.

Looking at the red smile

Of moony face,

My whole day got spent

Thinking about you.

Floating with your

Blood smeared wet lips,

I don’t know when

I fell in love with you.

79. FANTASY OF ‘SWEET SMILE’

He was seeing her girlfriend almost every day. He loves to look at her. They talk about many things –sense and nonsense. This poem revealed his desire to see her smile time and again. He used to imagine her face at night before going to sleep. Her face was a remedy for his concentration. Thus he had a fetish for her smile. Her face and her smile used to increase his attentiveness.

80. THE POEM ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’

New year, new light, new new hopes,

Split smiles, split words, split love.

In the fragrance of new flower the heart is unmindful.

For the new fun of new year the courtyard of heart floats across.

When the butterfly asks the flower, ‘Could you give me a little bit of honey?’

The flower says, ‘You can take as much as you want.

Let the New Year be happy. Then I’ll be happy too.’

The mankind appears to be really trivial then.

Did they ever have such a big heart?

In the New Year you and I put on new dresses.

Where is the New Year of the beggar kept?

You and I have a new year and thus the new hope.

Did he have no hope except frustration?

We do have fun, but please look after them too.

The downtrodden class needs a bit of help too.

Only then the New Year with the new hope

Will travel along happy tear of our heart.

81. FANTASY OF ‘HAPPY NEW YEAR’

It was said before that he started reading philanthropic philosophies at a much younger age. And he had the charm of her girlfriend that influenced her to write so many poems. This was the last poem of his ‘First Diary’ according to the blog. There were many other lost poems that he could not upload in the blog or discarded. But this poem was produced by the mixture of philanthropic philosophy and the charisma of her girlfriend. So his soul had now been taken over by philosophies along with the presence of his girlfriend.

82. THE MAIL

Now he felt a bit relaxed since he finished working across the poems of his ‘First Diary’. Now it was time to inform Stella about the progress. He also needed a bit rest. He had a small blister at his ankle. He had not been wearing shoes since the lockdown begun. But he started evening walk at the park.  Summer was coming soon. Amid all these he wrote a mail to Stella,

“Dear Stella

   I have finished working on the poems of my ‘First Diary’. Please have a look at the attached file and reply soon.

Thanking you

Ray”

Thus he attached the draft with the mail and clicked on the send button and sent it to her email address. Then he got up from the chair. He went to the bathroom and took a bath for at least half an hour. Then he had lunch and lay on the bed. He could not usually sleep during the day time. He also had problems regarding sleep at night. Slowly he was getting rid of insomnia. These days he was sleeping well at night with a light dose of sleeping pills. He was feeling better now since he finished at least a chapter of the draft. So he was happy. But he did not know what to do. He knew Stella would call back after reading the draft. So he was waiting for her call.

83. THE GREY DIARY

He was now waking up late. In the evening he was strolling in the park. He was doing a bit of office work. This way a few days passed. He was now browsing through his blog. He was studying a bit for a distant learning course that he was doing from a university of Hisar. But he was not being able to concentrate properly. He was a very bad multi-tasker. Slowly he was learning multi-tasking these days. At last Stella phoned him,

-        Good Evening.

-        Good Morning.

-        How do you do?

-        Fine. I was waiting for your call.

-        I know.

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes.

-        What do you think about it?

-        I loved it. But I have a few questions.

-        Yes tell me.

-        What do you mean by ‘cut away’?

-        It’s nothing but inserting something from a different time and place within the narrative.

-        Okay. It’s complicated. I know only about cutaway collars (smile).

-        What’s that?

-        It’s the collar of a formal shirt.

-        Okay. That’s interesting.

-        Yes. I think I have understood the ‘flashback’ only.

-        Yes, it’s like going back to past.

-        Yes.

-        Did you enjoy reading the draft?

-        Yes, absolutely.

-        That’s enough for now.

-        Okay. Are you tired of writing?

-        Yes a bit.

-        Take rest then.

-        I was thinking about my ‘Grey Diary’ now.

-        The second diary?

-        Yes.

-        Okay. Keep thinking.

-        I am facing a problem.

-        What’s that?

-        I have categorised some of the poems from my diaries in different sections while uploading on my blog.

-        Don’t worry; I have gone through your blog. Stick to it and use the cinematic tools as you did before. I love your blog.

-        Thanks.

-        What’s the situation in India now?

-        Pretty bad. Lockdown till 3rd May.

-        Okay. Do you have a printer?

-        I have it in Kolkata. But not here.

-        Okay. Don’t worry. We’ll sign the contract soon.

-        Okay.

-        Do you need more money?

-        No. But I don’t know the exact market value of my work.

-        Leave it to me. I know it and I won’t cheat you.

-        Okay. Thanks.

-        And I think you know that market economy is crashing everywhere.

-        Yes I wrote it in my last book.

-   ��    Exactly.

-        So everything will be redesigned now.

-        Yes, true.

-        So don’t worry about the economy. Take rest, think and when you feel like writing, do it.

-        Okay.

-        Just stick to your blog. And tell me if you need more money.

-        Okay. I have another question.

-        Tell me.

-        As a reader are you feeling bored of the format?

-        As in?

-        Like ‘the poem and the fantasy’ format. Is it not getting repetitive?

-        Absolutely not.

-        As a young woman, I am really interested in the fantasy.

-        Okay.

-        I told you before that I’m interested in male psychology. You are writing exactly what I want to know.

-        Okay.

-        I’m not forcing you. If you have something new in mind, you can incorporate that. But I do want to know about the fantasies behind your poems.

-        Okay. That sounds nice.

-        Yes, keep it up.

-        Another question?

-        Yes tell me.

-        Don’t you want to know about the girl?

-        No. I want to read it in your draft.

-        Yes, that’s the way it should be.

-        Exactly. Any more questions?

-        No, I got the point.

-        Yes, now do it the way you want to do it.

-        Yes, I need some time.

-        Nobody is forcing you. Just keep it up.

-        Okay. But…

-        But what? Tell me don’t hesitate.

-        The second diary…

-        Yes the ‘Grey Diary’…

-        Yes, that’s mainly about frustration.

-        Yes I guessed that. So…

-        So I was thinking whether it’ll be fine to depict it as it is or there should be some extra flavour to spice it up.

-        (Excited) No no no, don’t just spice it up. I told you it has to be pure.

-        Okay, okay. I got the point. I’ll write it as it is.

-        Yes. That’s better.

-        Okay, thanks a lot!

-        I’ll call you soon.

-        Okay.

-        Bye.

-        Bye.

84. THE POEM ‘IRE’

Fearing the death, the naked life lives cowardly.

The time whips hard on bare body.

The poems become lost with no value for it.

In the heart there remains cowardly ire.

The protest gets lost in the labyrinth of power.

As shadows demand, the life is climbing up the ladder.

At the day-end weary mind closes eyes in fear.

The greed of seeing light in dark dream is there.

Sound after sound make a riddle to be inert.

The silent lamentation of incomplete poem

Encroaches the unknown chamber of heart -

The ire of failed spark in soaked gunpowder.

85. FANTASY OF ‘IRE’

When he was writing this poem, he spent almost two years in the campus of his film school. He was a studious hardworking student. He attended almost all the classes regularly. He completed the projects successfully so far. But he was uncertain about his future. He was continuously hearing about the struggle of upcoming future. He was a guy, who wanted peace and happiness. But Indian economy was slowly moving toward privatisation as a result of the fall of Soviet Union.  His teachers were silent about it. As a film school student he started reading Eisenstein, Ken Dancyger etc. He was becoming trained in tasty and good cinema. But Indian Film Industry was highly driven by bad hybrid low cinema. That made him frustrated. He wanted to protest against everything. But he felt helpless since he could only write a poem with a pen and paper. Cinema cost patronisation.  Neither he was from a rich family nor he found any opportunity of sponsorship. Thus he imagined the ire of failed spark in soaked gunpowder.

86. THE POEM ‘SMELL OF THE FLOWER, BOKUL’

I know you think

My greed is there for your eyes.

You think that my five senses want to touch you.

I don’t disagree.

You wriggle back often.

Yet, both of us rush to each other

And come back too

With invisible alibi.

This way many years were spent.

Today suddenly it is raining.

The babbling sound of Ichhamoti

Fills the heart.

Believe me after almost years

The memory of your essence

Has covered me completely.

The smell of a treeful bokul flowers in the river water.

87. FANTASY OF ‘SMELL OF THE FLOWER, BOKUL’

      Amid the frustration about future career, he was surviving with the memory of his girlfriend. He was busy with study. He was writing for a little magazine. But whenever he was alone, he reminisced about his girlfriend. She was going away from his life. But his heart was not being able to forget it. On one hand his dream that was continuously being challenged by the establishment. On the other hand his fantasies about his girlfriend. He actually became busy with life and tried to forget her. But his memory, his heart and his brain were continuously telling him about her. This was making him homesick very often. But he was struggling hard to get out of this. After a spell of busy life, one fine morning she returned to his memory in a rainy day. Ichhamoti is the name of a river that is there at his mother’s ancestral place, Basirhat. So far he visited the place several times. So he recalled that. He also recalled the evergreen Bokul tree that was there at his hometown opposite to the gate of his high school. He was thinking about all these things randomly and becoming homesick.

88. THE POEM ‘TWO OF US’

Two of us stare

At each other.

Yet we are scared;

What if something happens?

89. FANTASY OF ‘TWO OF US’

      Again he was recalling his heydays of the past. Now he was getting more mature. And he had watched many movies so far. He had been reading a lot. So he was recollecting the memory of how they stared at each other and if they met again, probably sex could happen.

90. THE POEM ‘TWO OF US’

That day both of us stared at each other.

Both of us wanted to get close to each other,

But somewhere the desire faced obstruction.

I had greed in my eyes.

Probably your eyes had it too.

Yet there was the desire to get close.

You flew with your showy wings.

I flew with my dreams.

We could not get close to each other.

91. FANTASY OF ‘TWO OF US’

     This poem was the extension of the previous poem. Both the poems were written on the same day. Now he was trying to get rid of his sexual desire. He was writing about a tentative real conclusion of their love that originated in a small town and did not get ripe because of the society especially the old people, who tried to impose their dreams and ideas on to the younger generation. Their orientation was different. Except his father and teachers, all the old people of the town were screwed with the idea of running after money. Thus she would probably get married to a dumb mediocre merchant in the near future.

92. THE POEM ‘FROM THE GARRET’

From the garret, I saw the city.

Suddenly a drop of water flew in.

Cloudy sky,

Cool wind.

Hug my body tight. It felt good.

Wish to get wet.

Yet I can’t.

From the garret I saw standing

Wet road, wet cars.

93. FANTASY OF ‘FROM THE GARRET’

     The girls would come to him indeed. This poem had nothing to do with his girlfriend. The times were changing. He met a girl Sumana, who left the film school since she was shocked by the ragging. She used to invite him often to their rented house in North Kolkata. He used to phone her too. Now he forgot all the conversations with her. All he could remember that she mentioned about rain and garret once. Again he put him in her shoes and wrote this poem for her.

94. THE POEM ‘NO FIRE ANYMORE’

Why do you come time and again?

I  acquired the skill

Of dreaming alone.

I fell in love  with the grey life and

The eye of the bird.

No fire anymore,

Only there are smoke and ash.

Cloudy sky,

Cloudy river water,

On the grey canvas the black birds –

Flowers fall down,

The lone bald tree,

Monotonous sorrow in the heart.

Yet, it’s raining again.

Why do you come time and again

With wetness?

I recall the childhood, I feel overwhelmed

To get wet soon.

Yet, no fire anymore,

Only there are smoke and ash.

95. FANTASY OF ‘NO FIRE ANYMORE’

      Now he became busy with life. But the beauty of nature was making him romantic. He was trying to get rid of his feelings. But he was not being able to do so since he started to meet new girls in his life. And in every girl, he was now finding love. Living away from home, he was looking for his girl friend in every girl. That was the beginning of a new journey. He would keep looking for a girl, who could inspire him in writing poems.

96. THE POEM ‘ROTTEN CORPSE’

I’ve lost my way in the middle of the sea.

My boat is directionless.

The sun sets in the west.

The darkness of fear, depression, anarchy

Becomes denser slowly.

The storm rages on.

I’m the lone boatman in the middle of the sea.

The throat becomes dry.

The salty water hits the eyes.

The eyes get burnt.

In the dark I sit grasping the oar.

Yet in the end it is not saved.

Everything turns upside down.

The deadly effort to float –

Yet, it goes down slowly.

In the land of pearls and jewels,

There lies the rotten corpse.

98. FANTASY OF ‘ROTTEN CORPSE’

   This was his state of mind in the same year. He was doing everything to get settled down properly in near future. He accepted the fact that he had lost his girlfriend. So he was hopeless now. He was trying hard to survive. He was studying in one of the only two national film institutes of the country. But he could see no future. He was utterly frustrated. So he compared himself with the rotten corpse. The film school was happening. But he did not have money in his pocket. He was surviving with a little bit of money that his father was sending to him every month. But that was not the real crisis. He never wanted money since he thought that he would get a better living by pursuing his passion. But he was seeing no way out. And the capitalist world did not believe in creativity, sympathy or kindness. It was hard to sell the passion. In fact it was a matter of debate about where and how to sell the passion since that was what the market economy all about. So he was clueless about his future. But it did not stop him from creating art. He started writing the novel ‘Orange’ among all these. But his heart was going through ups and downs. He had a dream to make a cinema out of ‘Orange’. But he did not know how. After finishing the draft of Orange, he would mail it to some studios in Hollywood and the draft would get leaked soon. After a few years he would find that the concept of the great banyan tree was stolen as home tree in a movie by a famous award winning director. And Orange would change the world soon. But he would not get anything out of his creativity. His frustration would continue.

99. THE POEM ‘LET IT BE HAPPY’

Let the butterfly take bath in the dew drop of dawn.

Let the smell of shefali flower be smeared with her.

It does not matter if I can touch it or not.

Let the earth be happy.

100. FANTASY OF ‘LET IT BE HAPPY’

    This poem was about his sacrifice. He wanted to touch her girlfriend. But she was staying far away now. He was not sure whether he would be able to touch her again or not. So he was being realistic and happy about life.

101. THE POEM ‘THE FAMILY MAN’

These days I don’t feel angry or happy.

I don’t feel repentant or arrogant.

All the emotions remain immobile inside.

I commute to office and go for shopping.

I act along the whole day

Not because I’m in distress or sorrow.

This has become my habit.

The sigh has become my habit.

To lose has become my habit.

To be weary has become my habit.

And also not seeing after seeing it has become my habit.

Sometimes I feel how about breaking the habit.

Thinking that it was not a bad idea

I go to Darjeeling.

Something more?

I don’t think it’s possible in this life.

102. FANTASY OF ‘THE FAMILY MAN’

    This was again a poem he was writing on behalf of others. He saw the daily lives of his teachers. He saw the daily life of his cousin brother, who was a brilliant student but he did not leave Kolkata as he fell in love with the city. These people neither ran after money nor got involved in any kind of out of the box idea. He saw the clerks in his film school. They were also same. They were family lover. Though they were very much aware of the politics and world order, they chose a peaceful family life in the city of Kolkata. So he was putting himself in their shoes to hone his skill of poetry writing.

103. THE POEM ‘THE EYES’

He loves the two eyes like a fool.

He loves them ignoring all the thoughts.

One day he thinks that

He will go closer.

Then he will stare, for a long time,

At those eyes.

But he has no spare time.

So the wait begins.

But he cannot go closer.

The sight gets blurred in the dust of history.

The smell of heated stone in hoofs of horses,

The smell of rotten corpse,

Surpassing all these there appears the fragrant perfume.

Yet, he cannot go close.

The sight gets blurred.

The mind becomes eager.

The smoke becomes denser.

The blood becomes hot.

The eyes disappear slowly.

He scouts like a fool.

The perfume becomes harsher.

He becomes calm.

The eyes disappear gradually.

He becomes calm.

104. FANTASY OF ‘THE EYES’

      Again the pain for her girlfriend returns. He wanted to say that among all he was still looking for those eyes. He was recalling the medieval history that he read in his school life. But nowhere could he find them. He was frustrated and slowly accepting the fact that he had to lose her. So he was pacifying himself by writing this abstract surreal dreamy poem.

105. THE POEM ‘TIME OF LOVE’

Keeping the expectation of love

In the heart,

It surrenders everything to the security.

The craziness of power play

Has to be seen with wide awake eyes.

The time of love is only there

Within the dream.

106. FANTASY OF ‘TIME OF LOVE’

     He was busy doing the course at his film school. He was unlike other students, who took things casually. He took every lesson so seriously that he had no spare time at all. Meanwhile he was noticing the power play of his teachers. They used to blame each other. He did not like it since his father was also a teacher. So it appeared to him as a power game. He was also aware of politics. So he thought that he could not do anything about it since he was so insignificant a being that he could not even have time for love because of these powerful teachers. So he wanted to dream about love. The sleep was only the time, when he could think about love.

107. THE STRESS TALE

      These poems were reminding him the old days of struggle and suffering. He was again going down the memory lane. But all the memories were not pleasant. So he was feeling stressed within. Stella guessed that. So she phoned him,

-        Hi

-        I’ve not finished the Grey Diary yet.

-        I know.

-        How do you know?

-        I mean I guessed that.

-        Okay.

-        Are you feeling stressed?

-        Yes, a bit

-        I guessed that.

-        How?

-        It’s quite natural since you’re recalling your past now.

-        I did it while working on the first diary too.

-        Yes, that was not about frustration.

-        True. You are a clever woman.

-        Whatever; do one thing?

-        What?

-        Send me whatever you’ve written so far.

-        Okay.

-        May I ask you a personal question?

-        Why are you being so formal?

-        Okay, let me ask you directly.

-        That’s better.

-        Are you married?

-        No

-        Do you have a girlfriend?

-        Yes.

-        Where is she now?

-        She is in Mumbai now.

-        Okay she belongs to Mumbai…

-        No she belongs to a suburb of Kolkata.

-        Okay.

-        So I guess she is also stuck now.

-        Yes.

-        What’s her name?

-        Dipabali.

-        What?

-        Leave it you can call her Dipa.

-        Yes, I’ll call her Dipa.

-        Yes.

-        Okay send me the draft. I’ll call you soon.

-        Okay.

-        Bye.

-        Bye.

He sent her the draft immediately and waited for her reply. She read it quickly. The next morning she phoned him again,

-        Hi

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes, it was frustratingly great.

-        (Smile) Yes, that’s how it should be described.

-        Now tell me one thing.

-        What?

-        Do you know the Governor of California?

-        What a great question! How would I know?

-        You should know.

-        Okay.

-        He is my friend. His name is Gavin.

-        Where are you now?

-        I’m in Chandigarh.

-        Which state is it?

-        Punjab.

-        Okay. Can you just spell it?

-        Yes.

-        Wait for a second.

-        Okay.

She brought a pen and a diary and asked him again,

-        Okay now spell it.

-        Spell what?

-        (Smile) You are really frustrated and getting forgetful too.

-        Yes true.

-        Spell the name of the state, where you are staying now.

-        Okay. P for Peter, U for umbrella, N for Norway, J for Jordan, A for Afghanistan, B for Boston.

-        Okay. Do you know the name of the governor of this state?

-        No I know the name of the chief minister.

-        Is he the elected chief of the state?

-        Yes, he is equivalent to your Governor.

-        Okay.

-        What’s his name?

-        Amarinder Singh.

-        Please spell it.

-        A for Australia, M for Monday, A for Afghanistan, R for red, I for India, N for New Zealand, D for Doll, E for Egypt, R for red. That’s his name. And the surname is Singh.

-        Yes I know many Singhs.

-        Why are you asking these things?

-        You won’t understand.

-        Okay.

-        Take rest and keep writing. I’ll call you soon.

-        Okay.

-        Bye.

-        Bye.

     She cut the phone. After a few seconds the car cleaner called him. He got down the stairs with the key and opened the car door for him. And then he walked up the stairs to his apartment and phoned the laundry man so that he came and collected the used clothes for washing and pressing.

108. THE POEM ‘THE MAD’

Looking at the sun in the east sky, the mad pundit thinks

It could’ve been burst in the middle of the sky.

The colours would’ve sprinkled and have made the clouds wet.

The clouds would’ve got shrunken becoming sweet cakes.

If the cakes fell on the ground after a shake in the sky,

The breakfast could’ve been done with only those things.

Every morning, thus, he used to look at the sun.

Every one would think that he was busy in worshipping the sun.

109. FANTASY OF ‘THE MAD’

    It was a pure nonsense poem. There was a proverb in Bengali that if one had food in his stomach, he could tolerate a lot of pain. At the same time he recalled the nonsense poems of Sukumar, a famous Bengali nonsense writer, whom he read in his school life. Coincidentally he visited a sound studio of one of his teachers for an internship programme, where he saw huge posters depicting the poems of this famous poet. At the same time he was facing problems with food in the campus of the film school since till then there was no mess facility in the hostel, though later the administration would give it a thought after an agitation. With all these experiences he tried to write a nonsense.  

110. THE POEM ‘WHITE FLOWER’

The calm smoke in the tea cup; Sitting by the window

He looks outside with calm eyes.

Nearby a white flower beneath a green tree

Is lying being wet with dew in the calm morning.

Beautiful, beautiful and beautiful is she -

Far better than war, cry, lamentation and the world.

111. FANTASY OF ‘WHITE FLOWER’

      It was a flashback poem written in a December just after joining the film school. December is the time of soothing winter in Kolkata. So the weather was pleasant. But the world was busy with war. People were dying for nothing. Most probably it was the time of Iraq war. So he did not like people dying, crying and lamenting anywhere in the world. Thus he wrote this poem.

112. THE POEM ‘IT’S SMOKY ALL AROUND’

It’s smoky all around.

Inside the spark smoulders

Slowly and slowly.

The blue sky and the green earth

Get lost in the world of smoke.

It feels like to talk

With the ghost, god, and spirit.

It feels like to dream all day long

After the sleep.

In the dream there is a well.

Below there are snakes wriggling.

It feels hungry.

The sleep gets broken.

The unstable mind scouts for fairy tales.

With beauty, humour, palace and wealth

There arrives the prince of dream.

With the princess he gets fused

After love, touch and lone affair.

For a moment sweet air flows inside.

It feels good.

Yet the quest does not stop.

Searching and searching in smoke of weariness

Two eyes get closed.

113. THE POEM ‘IT’S SMOKY ALL AROUND’

    This was again a poem he was writing for those, who love fairytales and look for their Mr Right. Actually he was again trying to research on her girlfriend’s psychology that was totally driven by the fantasy of good look. He was also not an exception. He liked her. But now he realised that he liked her not only because she was pretty. But it was mainly because of the discourse of his childhood and puberty. Had he not spent time with her, he would not have fallen for her. It was not only the beauty, it was something more. She believed in god due to her orientation. But he was strongly driven by other materialistic philosophies. So now he understood that only with beauty one could not survive for a long. Actually the dream, hunger and beauty were correlated. Thus this surreal poem to explore the fantasy of her girlfriend.

114. THE POEM ‘LET THE FOUNTAIN FLOW’

Let the fountain flow on your body.

Let the fountain flow in my mind.

Let the fountain flow babbling babbling

With the taste of elixir.

Let the bud bloom at night.

Let the stars smile

After a long period of time.

115. FANTASY OF ‘LET THE FOUNTAIN FLOW’

     This was again a poem to cheer him up. He was studying in the film school. He was attending classes regularly. He was doing the projects. Amid all he was meeting new girls, who were making him nostalgic about his girlfriend. So he missed her and he was recalling her by writing this poem about wet beauty. He wanted to see her wet in water. He wanted to hug her with his wet mind. He wanted to be all wet in a starry night.

116. THE POEM ‘SUDDENLY THE BODY GETS WET’

Soul and soma want to part way.

The desire travels in the land of sound, colour and light.

The smell of flower seems good.

The red light makes it feel crazy.

From the bee hive a drop of honey

Suddenly falls on the tongue.

Suddenly the body gets wet.

From the river there comes the sound of rain.

117. FANTASY OF ‘SUDDENLY THE BODY GETS WET’

    This poem was the result of watching cinema. The cinema was technically created out of the three components sound, colour and light. Cinema was basically an illusion of reality that affect directly on the mind. Mind can fly everywhere. But the body was an obstacle to its imagination. So they wanted to be separate. At least he felt like that while writing the poem. Other lines were the ornaments that he used to decorate the poems.

118. THE POEM ‘BYPASS’

In front of my film school

There is the wide E.M. Bypass.

On the divider a mad woman

Used to stay with her ‘belongings’.

Along the Bypass the car used to go.

The buses and bikes used to go.

And quite often she used to shout.

One day upon curiosity I asked her,

‘Why do you shout?’

She just laughed at me.

‘What’s the history behind her laugh?’ -

I thought like a fool.

I didn’t think that like the skyscrapers

By the bypass,

This history has no market value.

119. FANTASY OF ‘BYPASS’

     He saw a dishevelled shabby nasty mad woman residing on the divider of the road E.M. Bypass in Kolkata. His film school was situated by this road. So he thought of this poem since nobody cared about the mad woman. He heard the stories of many talented people becoming mad in the end of their lives. He was unsure about his future too. So he wanted to write something about this.

120. THE POEM ‘BYPASS-1’

The standing girl on the bypass –

I like you.

I like your hair,

I like your attire and your glance,

Suddenly

I like it too much.

The momentary joy,

The momentary frustration.

Yet everyone moves on.

I also move on, hopeless.

121. FANTASY OF ‘BYPASS-1’

    As mentioned above, he was now looking for her girlfriend everywhere. As he used to eat at the street side food shops till the administration brought in the mess facility, he often used to travel along the sidewalk of E.M. Bypass. And like every young boy, he used to look at the beautiful girls. He started to develop the fetish for the appearance of the girls. Every time he saw a girl, he wanted to talk to her and play with her like he did it with his girlfriend in his childhood and teenage. But it was not possible since in the unknown city everybody was unknown and every encounter was unknown. So he was afraid about the unknown girls as every gentleman was.

122. THE POEM ‘BYPASS-2’

When I walk by the Bypass,

I see drain, dusty jujube tree,

And jungle flower.

I see stray dogs,

The perfume that walks by

Comes and shakes the dream.

Bypass of dust, green, and garbage –

By it there are the nascent skyscrapers.

123. FANTASY OF ‘BYPASS-2’

      This was a poem of Japanese style. He was learning Nihongo in a nearby university. There his teacher introduced him to Japanese poems. From there he learned the styles of visual description. Later he would also write a few haikus. So this poem was a visual description of the Bypass that he experienced everyday - nothing more or nothing less.

124. THE POEM ‘LET IT BE CALM’

Let the blue survive in the sky.

Let the mustard field be yellow.

Let the green come back again.

Let the mind calm down, calm down and calm down.

125. FANTASY OF ‘LET IT BE CALM’

    His mind was unstable since the busy world was unstable. The city of Kolkata, like all other cities, were congested and disturbed with human crowd. So he wanted fresh air and nature to be back. Somewhere down the line this torture of ‘civilisation’ on the mother earth had to stop and the mind needed to be refreshed.

126. THE POEM ‘GOOD’

The just unjust have gotten confused.

The colourful lights were everywhere.

The seven hues of the evening have

Settled down with full might.

Violet is good, blue is good.

Green is good, yellow is good.

Orange is good, red is good.

The time of liking them has just gotten limited.

127. FANTASY OF ‘GOOD’

    This poem was the extension of the previous poem. He was getting so busy with life that he could not cherish the beauty. Like every people around he found himself becoming mechanical.  He was simply jeopardised with busyness. He wanted to get rid of that.

128. THE POEM ‘GREY SEA’

The grey sea -

Again there is darkness.

The five senses suffer in fever.

Invisible lamentation.

For whom and why?

The failed question

Time and again.

129. FANTASY OF ‘GREY SEA’

     This was a flashforward poem. When he was writing this poem, he left the institute. He went to Mumbai and returned from there back home in northern Bengal. Then he again shifted back to Kolkata. Without a job, he felt frustrated. He was doing freelancing. Meanwhile he suffered in fever for a few days. He had had this disease of cough, cold with fever, since his childhood. He also had problems in his tonsils. But he had a habit of documenting feelings as poems. Thus he wrote this poem.

130. THE POEM ‘THE PAST’

The heart becomes empty. Lamentation!

The storm rages. The mind becomes blank.

Many words return anew.

There were mistakes in calculations.

But there was no escape.

There was no possibility to return.

The time laughs in persiflage.

Frustration and nightmare circle the life.

Where is the end? Where does it end? –The mind keeps scouting.

The debris of history spreads its hands.

The past – that’s only the wait of time.

131. FANTASY OF ‘THE PAST’

    By this time his girlfriend got married. His brain accepted it. But his heart did not. So he was being pessimistic about everything. He thought that it was a mistake to leave his home town. It was a mistake to come to Kolkata for higher study since his school life and childhood was so rich. He scored a bad result in his college life due to the absence of his girlfriend. Then in the film school all the minds appeared to be polluted with the dream of quick success. He neither wanted success nor the fame. He only wanted to get back to his girlfriend and thus to his home town. This was a suicidal poem. The last line revealed his intention that in near future he would commit suicide. But poems would make him alive. Had he not been able to write poems as catharsis, he would have definitely committed suicide.  So he was telling that everything would be the past.

132. THE POEM ‘FOR YOU’

For you I can write

Pages after pages.

In a moment I can fill

Thousands of diaries.

For you I can draw

A lot with water colour.

For you I can become

A failed poet.

133. FANTASY OF ‘FOR YOU’

     Frustrated with life, he started preparing for a civil service examination. He hated sound and cinema that ruined his life. Thus he joined a reputed coaching centre in the city of Kolkata. There he saw a pretty madam, who used to teach political science. It did not happen for everyone. But this madam aroused the feeling inside him again. Thus he wrote this poem.

134. THE POEM ‘ALMS’

Many words cannot be told

Since those do not sound well.

The heart gets heavy with unknown weight.

It’s said that weeping makes it light.

I don’t know. The eye water got vapourised many days ago.

Cacophony all around –

People die again they enjoy.

So what?

I live in an isolated island.

My happiness has been lost many days before.

I hate the alms of kindness.

135. FANTASY OF ‘ALMS’

   This poem showed the bitter truth about the unorganised film world, where employment happened by references. So he got his first job in his film school itself as an intern. But the job was totally manufactured and given by the higher authority though the requirement was there. As a result of the job because of too much of travelling due to the conspiracy of a teacher and a few of his batch mates, he developed permanent backache for the first time. After this he went to protest against it to the head of the department. He said that he had been taken in this job to clean the shit. His subordinate teacher, who sent him for a production assistant’s job to Pune via Chennai, said to him that he was there to bear his orders. He wrote a note against him. In reply to the note he used the word ‘request’. For the first time he realised that it’s nothing but a political game being played by his superiors. And when he texted to the teacher, who referred his name to the administration, about whether his contract would get renewed or not, he simply said ‘no’. Now he realised the game being played against him. Since then he hated sound and any of the people, who were bossy and acquired a higher post with higher salary. He would simply not talk to them until it was not extremely urgent. Yes he developed a complex that told him continuously to hate the bossy higher authority. And it would not go so easily.

136. THE POEM ‘MELANCHOLIC’

For a long time I have not swum in the river water.

For a long time I have not talked to you.

For a long time I have not felt the air by the calm river.

For a long time I have not met my Nepali friend.

I’m not feeling well. I’m not feeling sleepy.

In the cloudy mind it’s raining cats and dogs.

137. FANTASY OF ‘MELANCHOLIC’

     He met a Napali police officer once while travelling by a train to his home town. He was a nice guy having a great passion for cinema and music. He would take him to Darjeeling several times to build up a film school over there. This plan was still going on. But due to his jobs, he had been travelling across the country. So he was missing him. He was missing his girlfriend. And he was missing his home town. So he was feeling sad and melancholic.

138. THE PAUSE

    Again he was tired of going down the memory line. So he took a bit of rest. He was not awaiting any phone call. He simply wanted a peaceful break. But Stella understood it. He was struggling to translate the poems since they were reminding him about the days of his frustrations. The Grey Diary was all about that. And it was the longest one. The year 2007 and 2008 were most frustrating to him. He had no clue about the future. He was surrounded by fake success mongers. So he paused for one day. The next day when he was sitting to write after the breakfast, at around 10 o’clock Stella called him,

-        Hi

-        Yes.

-        What are you doing now?

-        Just sat for writing.

-        And you were not being able to write.

-        Yes.

-        It happens. Take rest.

-        Yes. It’ll take more time than what I expected.

-        Don’t worry. Take your time.

-        Yes, it’s going more and more depressing. I’m just thinking of finishing the Grey Diary as soon as possible.

-        No no. Take your time. It has to be pure and truthful. Don’t do anything in hurry.

-        I have contacted Gavin.

-        Who is Gavin?

-        My friend and the governor…

-        Yes you told me that.

-        Yes

-        You contacted him about what?

-        I told him about you.

-        And what happened…

-        He said he would do anything to materialise our dream projects.

-        Why? Don’t you have the money?

-        Yes I have. But your Orange got stolen, right?

-        Yes.

-        So, we need a little bit of political help.

-        Okay.

-        Gavin will soon contact Amarinder.

-        Okay.

-        You take rest and try to write and don’t leak what I said to you.

-        Okay. I’ll not leak anything. In fact so far I did not tell anything about this project to anyone.

-        Yes, that’s better.

-        How is your girlfriend?

-        She is fine.

-        You know what happened near Mumbai?

-        No. What happened?

-        Mob lynching.

-        I did not get the news.

-        I knew it.

-        When did it happen?

-        Two days back. Call your girlfriend and check whether she is safe or not.

-        Okay. I’ll call her right away.

-        Don’t get panicked. The situation is under control.

-        Okay.

-        Just ask her how she is doing.

-        She did not tell me anything about it.

-        May be she does not know about it at all.

-        She is eating and sleeping in Mumbai.

-        She should do it.

-        Yes, what else could be done in this situation?

-        Yes, true. Just call her and talk as you did it before. Don’t feel panicked or give her panic.

-        Yes, true.

-        Good night.

-        Bye.

    Stella cut the phone. Immediately he called her girlfriend in Mumbai. She was preparing breakfast. She told her about the news. She also did not know it. She said that she would call back after watching the television. After a few minutes she called back and described the situation to him. She added that people did not understand their own good. More than hundred people had already been arrested. However she told him not to worry.

139. THE POEM ‘NEARBY, GLISTENING THE HEAVEN’

Nearby, glistening the heaven,

-the sea of sensation.

It feels weary after running for ages,

Whole body is naked, busy, disheveled and cliché,

Though the sandy beach sparkles and the daylight softens, it sweats.

It sweats till the perspiration mixes with tear.

The eyes burn in pain.

Sparkle of sand fades away somewhere,

The sea water is softer, glitzier and glistening more and more,

The naked life runs, to dive into it, on the shore.

Slowly the sea comes closer,

And slowly her time runs up toward the end.

Nearby,

Glistening the heaven.

140. FANTASY OF ‘NEARBY, GLISTENING THE HEAVEN’

   This was a poem about uncertain future. After writing this poem, he read a real story in a newspaper that an aspiring model committed suicide in Howrah. This sparked insecurity inside him since he was also going to work in the same profession in near future. He felt that he was close to the massive Indian Film Industry, but he had no clue about how to enter the industry. He saw the big studios in Mumbai as his teacher took them to the studios as part of an industry tour. But he also added that the people working there were getting alms of money except the head engineer. These stories made him feel isolated, insecure and frustrated. And just then this news of suicide appeared in the newspaper. A dream to be big in the tinsel town got extinguished. So his imagination followed the suit, which was not at all expected. Thus he again felt really unhappy about it since he could have been the subject to this fatal expectation. This story made him cautious about the future.

141. THE POEM ‘UNATTACHED’

Poetry, poetry, poetry -

Holding the pen the burnt mind sits idle.

Yet, a single line cannot be written.

The sadness within is kept by

The immobile words.

Only the heart gets churned up,

The eyes are tired of looking at things,

Whether it’s bad or good,

Incidents happen everywhere.

Unattached, uncommitted mind

Live fearing the death.

142. FANTASY OF ‘UNATTACHED’

      Almost two months he could not write a single poem. But now he got a little bit of spare time. But he became inert. He was not liking the place where he was being for the time being. He was facing a block. He asked for a new mattress from the warden, but he had a tendency to serve the students from rich background. And he was seeing this typical ‘production’ mentality everywhere in the film school. This was how this world ran. He would be a silent spectator to everything. And always he would not be able to write it down.

143. THE POEM ‘MY FILM SCHOOL’

Challenging many odds

My film school lives.

Amid the good, bad and joy

The conspiracy of living gets lost.

From the sky on the lake water rain falls.

The eyes get satiated with the smoke of water.

Yet, a drop of water oozes often

From the corners of two eyes.

With a heartful of frustration the helpless bud,

Lives in the hope of blooming someday.

144. FANTASY OF ‘MY FILM SCHOOL’

    He was a silent spectator of everything happening around. He was reading Rumsey and McCormick, Glenballou etc as a sound specialization student to prepare himself for the future war. He was facing many odds in his film school life. Yet, he had a tendency not to give up hope. After every depression, he tried to cheer him up. And all he had a pen and a paper to do that. This was his weapon to rectify all the odds. So he wrote this poem of hope keeping the reality intact. This poem summed up all his experiences in the film school.

145. THE POEM ‘BUBBLE’

In deep dark of the blue sea

A bubble goes up to the sea surface,

Where its death is

Waiting.

146. FANTASY OF ‘BUBBLE’

      Again he was trying to write a poem in Japanese style - but this time with a touch of life. Every poem is related to life. But here it directly meant that the life would end soon after experiencing everything around. There was no other way out but to reach the sea surface i.e. the top and die. That’s the destiny of every life. No dumb astrologer was needed to predict this thing.

147. THE POEM ‘LIVING CORPSE’

The living corpse, lying in fever,

Does not lament anymore.

There is no love in unspoken words.

There remains only remnant of gunpowder.

A shore of ocean floats

In the unwinking callous eyes.

A lot surpassed,

Remaining - a lot more.

Weary mind seeks rest,

Within the womb of night.

Yet, the heart throbs day and night.

The living corpse awaits a painless retirement

Of the heart machine.

148. FANTASY OF ‘LIVING CORPSE’

     Again he fell ill amidst the loneliness of city life. Though this poem sounded quite like the poem ‘Rotten Corpse’, it was different. He used to feel feverish whenever the season got changed. As told before he had some minor health issues that occurred during the season change time. He did not like this illness. And for a moment he felt like dying. So he just wanted to take rest after having medicine.

149. THE POEM ‘TRIVIAL HEART IN THE CROWD’

It’s a trivial heart in the crowd.

Hopes often peep up.

The explosive of dreams disappear in pain.

Helplessly two eyes stare.

The body is as busy as machines.

At the end of the day,

It’s the television that satisfies.

Yet the unsatisfied heart sits in vain,

Silently in urban air.

150. FANTASY OF ‘TRIVIAL HEART IN THE CROWD’

     After experiencing the big bosses of the institute, he felt a crisis within. In the common room of the hostel there was no television. So he missed the television. He tried, but he could never accommodate himself with the life of the new city until his cousin brother would take him at their adda of a little magazine. Even there new erudite people used to come and he was a mere listener in every case. That time enriched him indeed. At the same time it made him lonely in the city. He wanted to speak. But he could not. So he felt like a trivial heart in the crowd.

151. THE POEM ‘REMIND ME’

When my friends move away from me, so bless me that

I do not have time to wonder.

When close ones leave me slowly, so bless me that

I do not have time to cry.

Only after walking a long distance

In a strange crowd of known faces,

Keep reminding me that

I am a trivial drop of life among millions.

152. FANTASY OF ‘REMIND ME’

         So far he had written many poems. He had read some bad poems of some infamous poets. He just could not imagine how these silly poets got famous. He wrote poems to document his feelings. What more could it have to be unique? He never wrote for fame. He started writing at a much younger stage. He never struggled to become a poet. It came to him naturally. But he was seeing the arrogance of some poets, who really got famous by writing nasty dirty mediocre poems, which had neither any meaning nor connected to their lives. But they got famous rather infamous. But he never wanted to be like them. He wrote poems only when he felt an emotional upheaval in his heart. It was the documentation of his feelings indeed. So he was scared to end the life like them. So he never showed his poems to anyone but once to a very senior script writer. And he always wanted to be with people. He just did not want to be like them. It was always better to be a trivial heart in the crowd.

153. THE POEM ‘BUSY YOU’

Though I know you are busy

With your work in your country,

Far away far away,

Yet closer and closer you come

By the tension of the rope of letters.

With the storm your name

Flies in along the sky.

Travelling the world becoming tired,

You’ll come to me -

Thinking that I am waiting

For you here.

154. FANTASY OF ‘BUSY YOU’

    This was a long story. He went to Busan, the then Pushan, of South Korea to attend a workshop. There he met a pretty girl Tamara from Belarush. Later she would write letters to him. He would reply to those letters from his home town. And he would publish a magazine with her pictures and some of his selected poems. So he wrote this poem for her.

155. THE POEM ‘THE ANT’

The ant swims

Against the current

So that he can reach

The grass flower bloomed

On the riverbank.

156. FANTASY OF ‘THE ANT’

     This poem again indicated his inner wish to get back to his girlfriend and thus his home town. So he was imagining a tiny ant’s effort to defy the huge river current and go against it to enjoy the beauty of the grass flower.

157. THE POEM ‘ON THE SEA SHORE OF MADRAS’

The light of the world will go out slowly.

With reflections of the dense clouds on the breast

The waves hit the sea shore

Of Madras.

158. FANTASY OF ‘ON THE SEA SHORE OF MADRAS’

     This was a poem conceived by a sea beach of Madras. He got a scholarship to stay and study in Chennai. Before his final diploma film in the institute, he got the chance. The head of the department advised to go for the course as his director delayed to start the final project. So he spent all most six months in Chennai. There he met new friends, both girls and boys. They would inspire him to write again. Actually in Bengali, the Madras was pronounced as Madraj after her British name. It would become Chennai post independence. So he used the word ‘Madraj’in the Bengali poem actually.

159. THE POEM ‘I’M WATER’

How do I tell you that

I’m water.

I’m destined to flow.

You’re the goose.

You came and played on me.

I saw with happiness

While flowing with speed.

Certainly you thought this was my hoax.

But how do I make you understand

That I’m the river water?

160. FANTASY OF ‘I’M WATER’

     This poem was written after travelling to Korea and Madras. This had made him curious about the new places. So he was comparing himself with river water and trying to convince her girlfriend that he was not playing any hoax with her. But the journey of life had taken him away from her, though this emotion was temporary. Soon he would feel homesick again.

161. THE POEM ‘IF YOU CAN…’

If you can hold me tight;

I want to be stable.

In the palm tree like the weaver birds

We’ll live together.

I know the storm will come.

The nest will be ravaged.

Yet, hold me tight.

I want to be stable and

Look at the blue sky with my wondering eyes.

162. FANTASY OF ‘IF YOU CAN…’

     This poem again expressed his desire to be stable and to form a family with his girlfriend. He would start writing his next novel ‘InFaTuAtIoN’ within a month. In this novel he would try to describe his feelings for opposite sex as infatuation. This novel would be highly misunderstood, misinterpreted and used as an untold source of cheap cinemas. But he wrote this story at the backdrop of his home town. He would gift it to some of his friends as well as sell it to some people. However, he wanted to be stable. But he did not know how. His future was uncertain and he could not marry anybody because of financial instability. His father got retired. He would leave the institute very soon. Amid all these he tried to forget the love of his puberty as infatuation. This poem was his desire to marry his girlfriend. And the novel was his counter intention to forget the affair he had by calling it infatuation. The different forces were working inside him. He was developing multiple personalities. One person in him wanted to be stable in life. But the reality was telling him that it was not possible. So he developed another mature pragmatic writer in him. The novel was the result of the head-on collision between these two personalities. And the immature lover created the poem.  

163. THE POEM ‘THE DRIZZLE, CONTINOUS’

Depression, tiredness, and the smoke of cigarette –

In the bitter mouth there’re the tasteless buds.

In the brain the non-working sparks

Run like a barren sperm.

In the hole of sexuality there’s the failure.

Only picture, blood red rose and

Smell-less wall paper.

Different from cry, laughter –

Undefined feelings below the eyes.

Yet, after a long time

It feels good to see the continuous drizzle out there

On the lake water.

164. FANTASY OF ‘THE DRIZZLE, CONTINUOUS’

      This was a flashback poem. He was writing this poem just before he would start writing Orange. This was the time when the idea of Orange was slowly developing inside his brain. But he was not being able to pen it down. He started a little bit of smoking and occasional drinking in the institute. So he was feeling frustrated in his brain. This poem was an abstract description of his state of mind.

165. THE POEM ‘IT CALLS CLOSE’

The smoke in black hair,

On the lips there’s the explosive of rotten cigarette.

Yet, into the eye balls the heart builds its hut.

It calls close

And closer.

166. FANTASY OF ‘IT CALLS CLOSE’

   Again it was an abstract poem. He was sitting in the tea shop on the opposite side of his institute. He was gossiping with his friends. He was smoking a little bit. Occasionally he was drinking in his room with his teachers. Especially the production teacher used to come to his room occasionally. He used to take him out to the clubs of Kolkata often. There they used to chit-chat with wine and food. This poem was the result of the burning desire to create something.

167. THE POEM ‘WHAT’S SO WRONG IN IT!’

If he suddenly feels ostracised, what’s so wrong it?

What’s so wrong in it if the solitary mind lives in the solitary sky?

If it does not live, what’s so wrong in it?

From the infinite vacuum to more vacuum

Walking a lot of distance, panting in tiredness,

Just before the death if he finds a chunk of

Childhood,

What’s so wrong in it!

168. FANTASY OF ‘WHAT’S SO WRONG IN IT!’

      He could not remember where he conceived this poem. But it was clear that he was still in the quest of his childhood. Momentarily he felt lonely. And he had a complex that always drove him to think that he might die tomorrow. So he did not care anything at all. He used to respect people. But he had no fear as always. But when the people, he loved and respected, betrayed him, he felt sad and lonely. It used to happen quite often in the institute. He did not like this phenomenon at all. And whenever he felt betrayed, he used to feel lonely and go down the memory lane to his childhood that was pure and jovial. Thus this poem got conceived – a momentary frustration.

169. THE POEM ‘WHETHER IT FEELS GOOD OR BAD…’

Whether it feels good or bad,

To live is the destiny.

Counting the pains of love,

In the dream of acquiring the ultimate state of mind,

Getting absorbed is the peace.

In the weight of dream, hope and wait

The courage to love is dim.

170. FANTASY OF ‘WHETHER IT FEELS GOOD OR BAD…’

     The lover inside him spoke again. The factors of real life were hiding the lover time and again. He wanted to say that the institute gave him dream. But the same institute snatched his love from him. At the same time dream was there. But no straight way to reach the dream was visible. So it was bringing frustration in mind. But one had to live with all of these. So it was a moment of nothingness in life that would continue for a long period of time.

171. THE POEM ‘IN THE LAND OF JOY’

In the same boat, reaching the village of joy

They met each other.

They talked, they felt good, and they could focus on

Creating the joy.

In the end of the day, they had enough weary spare time.

Beneath the moon beam,

Amidst the workers,

They talked for a while and they had the wish.

They had a little time.

Meanwhile the task of creating joy got ended.

In the same boat, crossing the river

Both of them hugged each other.

It felt good, it felt happy, and the mind became empty.

172. FANTASY OF ‘IN THE LAND OF JOY’

     Till now he had not hugged any girl. So this was his imagination what could happen after he hugged any girl. So the platonic love, the imagination might get lost – that was his doubt. He was not from a culture that would simply copy anything from the west like the copycats do. He was well aware of the Western Civilisation. But he was never taught to copy them without any justification. So he was just from a culture that did not allow couple to hug each other in public. It was the culture of Indian subcontinent. And he was not crazy for a hug. He was rather crazy for sex that was what couple should do. He was simply not into the half culture of the half pants.

173. THE POEM ‘THE EYES’

A pair of eyes that want to

See me time and again –

Let’s finish the life looking for them.

If they are found, what will be left?

174. FANTASY OF ‘THE EYES’

    This was again a philosophical poem in the quest for two eyes that were crazy for him. Actually he was looking for a true love without conditions. And that was not possible in the labyrinth of the system that he was living in now. So his skepticism grew more and more. In fact in a world, where everyone seemed greedy for success, true love did not exist. So he was predicting that he would not find a true love in this life.

175. THE POEM ‘THE AIR COMES AND KISSES’

The air comes and kisses the whole body.

The naked homeless mind floats into

The deep darkness of dream.

In the greed to taste the flawless joy

The flower falls on the mud.

It rolls up and down in crazy mirth.

The petals get torn one by one.

In the storm, water, mud clad night

The air comes and kisses the whole body.

The naked homeless petal floats into

The deep darkness of dream.

176. FANTASY OF ‘THE AIR COMES AND KISSES’

    This poem was about the desire to have sex. He was not rich. He stayed far away from home so he was homeless. And the word homeless was quite akin to Bengal. Post independence India got divided by the conspiracy of the British. Thousands of people got homeless due to the partition. The most affected states were Punjab and Bengal. He belonged to Bengal. So the word homeless reminded him about the partition. He read the history. He heard about it from his parents. So he also felt like one of them as a Bengali. So the word homeless was very important for him. Now far away from his home, he felt like a homeless.  And as a homeless young man he also had the desire to have sex. So he wanted to have sex now. But he was afraid of the dark consequences too.

177. THE POEM ‘BOKUL’

See my friend under the Bokul tree how the Bokuls drop.

The leaves of the Bokul tree, how they move up and down.

The cold wind comes and softly touches them.

Suddenly a drop of rain falls on my bare skin.

I wish after calling I tell you with the open heart

See my friend under the Bokul tree how the Bokuls drop.

178. FANTASY OF ‘BOKUL’

    This was a fun rhyme. He was recalling the Bokul tree that was there opposite to the gate of his high school. By now he had mastered the art of rhyme. So he was imagining two girls were playing underneath the Bokul tree and enjoying the nature and fragrance. So it was completely his imagination. This poem was a result of the Bengali rhymes he had read so far plus his imagination and attraction toward girls.

179. THE POEMS ‘UNCOVERED’

     He finished ‘Grey Diary’ according to the blog. So he sent a mail to Stella attaching the updated draft. After that he took a refreshing shower and shaved his beard. Now he thought of relaxing for a few days until Stella called back. After almost two days in the morning Stella called him,

-        Hi

-        Hi, good morning.

-        Good evening. What’s up?

-        Nothing much, just relaxing a bit.

-        Okay, that’s great.

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes.

-        And how was it?

-        Fantastic.

-        Thanks!

-        Are you in touch with your family?

-        Yes over phone.

-        How do they do?

-        Bored of the lockdown. But they are fine.

-        How is the situation in India?

-        Lockdown till 3rd.

-        After that…

-        No one knows, what’s going to happen.

-        Situation is worse in here.

-        You have any idea regarding what to do in this situation.

-        I have no clue. I am also tired of this situation.

-        Yes, everyone is suffering due to the virus.

-        Here in India the daily wagers are suffering a lot.

-        How did you get this information?

-        My dad called me in the morning.

-        And what did he say?

-        In Kolkata, the daily wagers are facing huge trouble.

-        That’s quite natural.

-        What are the governments doing out there?

-        No idea. In this situation every news agency is busy promoting the leaders.

-        Did you get any information regarding the food stock of India?

-        Yes, one of my friends said that the central government had sent rice grains for eight months to West Bengal government.

-        You mean to the state where your family lives?

-        Yes.

-        That’s great.

-        No but it was not getting distributed properly.

-        Okay.

-        And what about Mumbai?

-        Cases were increasing every day.

-        Yes same here.

-        Okay. Take care.

-        I think it’s all happening due to this strange economy.

-        Yes true.

-        So what’s your suggestion at this stage?

-        I don’t know. All I know everything is under threat.

-        As in?

-        As it happens in every congested city.

-        What do you mean? Tell me specifically.

-        For example take any congested city like New York, Tokyo, Mumbai or Kolkata.

-        What about them?

-        In these cities people commute like cattle in local trains.

-        Yes true.

-        That’s under threat.

-        True. What about villages?

-        There is no proper village anymore. In villages the farmers don’t want to farm anymore because of rapid urbanization. And most of their families have migrant labourers, who are now stuck in different states far away from home.

-        What are they saying?

-        What to say madam? They are coming out to the streets saying that anyway they are going to die.

-        So they are not afraid of the virus.

-        No longer.

-        That’s gonna be dangerous man!

-        Yes. I guess more danger is ahead. Everybody has a right to live comfortably.

-         In USA also enough food is there. It just has to be distributed properly?

-        And the GDP driven market economy won’t allow that.

-        Yes, that’s where we are stuck. What about Tata?

-        He is an exceptional man. But again people could not wait for the mercy of the rich. Not every rich is benevolent. It’s the right of the people to live a comfortable and better life. This point has to be noted.

-        (Smile) Yes. Noted with thanks. Now calm down.

-        Are you going to work more on this draft?

-        Yes, why not?

-        No I was thinking that everyone is getting upset with the situation. So I should not force you.

-        You have never forced me.

-        Thanks. What next you want to work on?

-        On the poems ‘uncovered’.

-        The section ‘open’ or something like that?

-        Yes, this section consists of poems both from ‘The First Diary’ and ‘Grey Diary’.

-        Okay.

-        Yes, But these poems contain limitless unrestricted fantasies.

-        Okay.

-        So I categorised them in the section ‘Uncovered’.

-        So it’s gonna be explicit now?

-        Yes kind of.

-        Great! You are going great.

-        Thanks.

-        Another thing I wanted to tell you.

-        What?

-        Gavin phoned Amarinder.

-        Really?

-        Yes.

-        And what did they talk about?

-        Nothing much. I did not hear the conversation. But he said that you should keep in touch with your friends, who read your books.

-        Yes, I am in touch with at least two friends, who thoroughly read my books.

-        That’s enough.

-        Why? Are you going to take it to the court?

-        Yes something like that may happen.

-        That’ll be great. And ..

-        Yes tell me.

-        I sent my books to National Library of India and Asian Film Academy Archive in Busan too.

-        That’s fantastic.

-        Thanks.

-        Let’s wait for the normalcy. Everything will be alright.

-        I hope so. And till now I don’t need any more money from you…

-        (LOL) You are a gentleman, indeed.

-        Thanks.

-        Okay. Bye for now.

-        Bye.

180. THE POEM ‘SHAMELESS’

The heart cries for joy, the old stops it.

Can’t think what to do and where to go.

Seeing the soft smile, blood red lips, warm body,

Tell me dear how to stop it, the wish spreads its wings.

My blood is primitive, my body is crazy.

Shameless is my creation, how do I hate it?

The callous heart keeps looking to the path of great time –

When will the thunder fall on the artificiality?

The laughter of the old will be burnt and destroyed.

The civilisation will smile again with a lot of greens.

The warmth will be aroused and the joy will be flowed.

The will will fly again, nobody will stop.

In the land of joy at calm and cold night,

I will do whatever I want with my love.

In the sky the moon will smile blue and calm.

On this earth the flute of limitless joy will play.

With the infallible honey of Mahua and in the make-up of madness

The Dunduvi will play on the land of greens.

The empty bereft basket of heart will be fulfilled.

With the hues of lust every sorrow will go.

The stream wet with moonbeam will make the soma wet.

The dream of love will be aroused in the suave, cold and slippery body.

On the earth there will come the primitive nudity.

The civilisation of Monu will be destroyed.

So, let it go, let the old go, let it go to hell.

We will stay back unshackled and float in the river of joy.

181. FANTASY OF ‘SHAMELESS’

    Now he was reading about Monu and Batsayan. As it was told before he would not take anything without proper justification. So he was totally discarding the idea of Monu that said sex was a duty to produce child. He liked Batsayan more since he told that sex is fun. In this poem he was throwing venom to the community of orthodox old people, who were the unsaid obstacle to have an intercourse with his girlfriend. He simply hated them. This poem was written in his teenage in his ‘First Diary’.

182. THE POEM ‘THE CHANGE OF TIME’

The wish is there in my marrow, the shame is thus gone.

I want to live the way I want with my own religion.

Whatever the blood-flesh-heart-mind tell, I do.

I am free, not shackled, but I keep dying in love.

The fire is on my eyes and in the body there’s the heat.

Whenever I want I’ll burn the ultimate youth-mind.

The tide will come close, the mind will become crazy.

The garbage of the dead river will be washed off.

Come and lick the will deadly and regretless.

The cry and smile, fire and spring, are fused in one body.

The heart is indifferent toward the shout, slogans or protests.

With the sorrow and joy the lamentation of heart got mixed up.

I know that and I follow that and I hear the song of heart.

I’ve been sitting here for thousand years, awaiting you.

The wish peeps through the corner of eyes and mind.

The change of time will come to break the old make-up.

Enough is enough, impatient, no waiting anymore.

The vagabond will create his luck with his own hands.

183. FANTASY OF ‘THE CHANGE OF TIME’

      Again this was a poem from his “First Diary’. This was the beginning of his puberty. He was experiencing change in his body and mind. The sexual desire was growing inside. He was becoming crazy to have sex with his girlfriend. But the society is stopping him from doing that. So he was writing this poem. It was told before that the emotion, enough is enough, will produce some of his poems. And this one was one of them.

184. THE POEM ‘THE RHYTHM OF LIFE’

I will go with you to a new land far away

With the make-up of a vagabond leaving the shackle.

I will go far away leaving behind all shame.

I’ll go filling the heart with infallible rhythm of life.

Running to the deep forest with the call of green

I’ll play with you, the princess of my heart.

The sun will see, the moon will see, the star will see

What a joy flows along the two hearts!

Sinking in the beauty-ocean of the eternal beauty,

I’ll scout the jewel of heart time and again.

For a thousand years what nobody could see,

That wave of the unknown land will float us across.

Floating in tide we’ll leave the notorious bond.

How does it matter if the fools keep on brawling with each other?

The beauty has called me, I will for sure respond.

Leaving the false attire, I’m coming, just wait my dear.

The heart wants, so I’ll leave the decent eyes.

With the seven hues, on the body river, I’ll play love -holi.

185. FANTASY OF ‘THE RHYTHM OF LIFE’

     This was a poem about running away from the eyes of the society to a new land, where nobody would be there to dictate them. But that was not possible in a society, where people were bound by the so called decency. This poem was against the decency – a desire to play with the body of his love in a new land. Actually he wanted to be alone with his girlfriend and taste her body. But again the society was bound by the ‘decency’. So he felt to be 'indecent' with his girlfriend.

186. THE POEM ‘IN HEAVEN-HELL’

You want to tether the light with the rules, the fire with the society!

With the force you want to stop the evergreen spring!

Every effort will go in vain; you will die rotting-melting.

The rule of the free was written by the nature.

The moon and sun will bring in night and day.

The joy of love will be fulfilled with the spring.

The flowers will bloom on the earth till the light is there.

In the dark tell me how the flute can play!

The heart gets filled with the music and happy wine.

The cry and pain get lost in the sound of laughter.

So,

In heaven-hell with blood-smell let the decent race live.

Smeared with grace, in the wild joy, let the night be spent.

187. FANTASY OF ‘IN HEAVEN-HELL’

        The love made him realise that life was not all about happiness. It cannot be so called pure or holy. This idea of holiness was a pure contradiction to the human life. And he thought of sex and he wanted to have sex. So he was protesting against the norms of the society that were preventing them to have sex. As a solution he was telling how to live both in hell and heaven at the same time. That was what life is all about. It simply could not be just pure and holy. It had to be a mixture of the both.

188. THE POEM ‘CONFLICT’

In the conflict between soul and soma and the primitive friction,

The limitless joy within the limit exists with the love-bond.

In the body the joy of love has reached the epitome.

So, the mind is shameless in the ocean of love.

The suave river, wet body, primitive nudity

Bring in heavenly joy and extreme madness.

Underneath the fountain in the fusion of two bodies

The scarlet green nature plays with the tune of ultimate joy.

Decent-indecent bargain is happening in full swing.

The mind does not know, the heart does not hear sitting out there.

189.  FANTASY OF ‘CONFLICT’

     This was a poem about the conflict and touch. He was eager to touch his girlfriend vividly. In the puberty as the sexuality gets ripe, he felt the urge to have sex with her girlfriend. But only having sex does not mean anything. So he was talking about primitiveness, where there was no shame. Absolute pleasure under the scarlet sky in the green nature would engulf them. They would also be nude to explore the friction of the two bodies. That was what he wanted to do.

190. THE POEM ‘INDOMITABLE’

The sky, adorned with seven hues of rainbow,

Smiles in the new joy-dense dawn with dreamollusion.

The life rushes to get lost having no destination.

The desire floods across the mad heart.

The slim river’s dream friction on well-built stone –

The cold life gets satisfied with the warm touch.

On the chest of deep dense hill with ups and downs

The soft light strikes upon with fully mad joy.

When the happiness and joy flood breaking the dam,

How could the dove-duo not respond?

191. FANTASY OF ‘INDOMITABLE’

     He was now describing a proper backdrop for sex. This poem was all about sex metaphorically. He compared himself with a stone and his girlfriend with a hilly stream. Again he was comparing her with soft light and himself with a hill. This way he was describing the desire along the poem. He was trying to say that everything was conducive for a fusion. So how could they not respond to it?

192. THE POEM ‘THE WISH’

In the fountain-wet, soft-sweet, lotus-smell of body,

The sad mind dances with the rhythm of the warmth.

Amid the life of seven hues, there is the wish –

If the warmth does not touch it how could it play?

The heart day-dreams and the mind spreads its wings.

The birds in the sky keep on flying.

In the dark forest the deer runs after the doe.

In the shy eyes of the doe the wish plays.

The spring wind strikes the green leaves.

Amid these the wild goose finds the geese.

With the rhythm of light, shadow, soft wind, and calm waves,

The love gets spread across the pores of the body.

Across the sky, wind and nature with the call of heavenly desire,

The wave of love is running today, who could stop it?

193. FANTASY OF ‘THE WISH’

     This was a poem taken from his life and dedicated to all the lovers of the nature. He always found animals are purer than human beings. And the love is also unconditional. It was only possible, when one became part of the nature. So he was comparing the lovers with the deer, the goose etc. He was also challenging the establishment by saying that no one could stop this wave of love. It was pure, unconditional and natural.

194. THE POEM ‘VIBRATION’

The body looks for supplement, the will spreads wings.

Inside heart, therefore, the shape is imagined.

From sky to universe to the road of cosmic time,

As a feel for body, the existence remains confined.

The just-unjust  - calculations -  would have got confusing,

Had the humankind not found a shape, amazing.

Zero and infinity are quite an enigma.

Between them there lies the pain of soul and soma.

The allurement of dreamy joy and invisible illusion -

Everywhere there is a chemistry, hidden.

The creation of new is always in pain -

The irresistible, impassioned, vibration's rain.

The vibration is old gold - the root of creation.

The vibrated is, therefore, in quest of  jubilation.

195. FANTASY OF ‘VIBRATION’

      This poem had a long story. He was studying in a reputed college in the northern   suburb of Kolkata. Now the reality was it was a boys’ college. So, they always missed girl friends. A girls’ school was there by their college. But he did not have any interest in the girls of that school since till now his girlfriend was unmarried. By this time he completed the manuscript of his first book ‘Hotya’. As a friend he used to visit another reputed university, where his school mate Purabi got admitted. Now he was studying Physics. He was meeting Purabi with his friends. And in this process, he fell in love with Purabi. Why he had no idea? In the course of time Hawking’s work on string theory got published. He read about it and discussed it with his friends. From this theory and the love and affection toward Purabi, this poem was born. This poem was like a child of them, yes Purabi and him.

196. THE POEM ‘FREE’

Jumbled-up all the fun.  

The disease is called 'Think-not'.  

A vagabond still believes though,  

The horizon is earshot.

 A girl weeps sitting there.  

Of the fact she is aware  

That she is alone unlike others.  

Nobody is there for her.  

The drunk vagabond notices  

And then he beckons her.  

She senses danger.  

Yet considering a stranger

She comes closer.  

The vagabond asks,  

- "Why do you weep dear?"  

- "I've been looking for days.  

But I can't find a peer  

Of my kind.” She says.  

- "Why do you search dear?  

The time will flow away."  

- "I think of so many things  

That I wanna share someday."  

- "Why do you think like a fool?  

If you don't, you'll get all,  

Whatever you want and long  

 - a handsome plastic doll."  

-" I don't want all those."  

-" Then what? Only voice?"  

-"You are right - a free voice.  

Would you hear? I'll say  

What I thought till today."  

-" No dear. I'm diseased."  

-"What disease? What's the name?"  

-" 'Think-not' - a rare disease."  

-"How is it? Symptoms?"  

-" Time kicks, pinches and  

Slaps hard on and on."  

-" How strange? Dangerous?"  

-"Yes, very contagious.  

The whole town is suffering.

That's why I am fleeing  

To a land where there is no time."  

-"Where is the land of no time?"  

-"Still searching, still searching.  

I haven't yet found the thing."  

-"Would you take me with you?"  

-"Where would I take you to!?  

It’s not possible, I guess!

Tell me how I can spoil your flowery face.  

I'm in a complete mess -  

No house, no address.  

I have only one friend -  

The dust of the road to no end.  

People call me mad.  

Some call me drunk and bad.  

As they say I don't fit  

In their great land.  

Also, I never wanted to stay with them.  

Yet, my heart clings to my homeland.  

-"Then why did you leave?"  

-" There came the epidemic  

Ruining the rythm of life.  

The disease is called 'Think-not' -  

A very rare type.  

This disease touched me and  

I left my homeland  

To look for a remedy.  

I'll go wherever I can find it.

Can you show me the way to the land of remedy?"  

-"You are diseased, indeed.  

You are diseased, indeed.  

You have lost your sight  

And the creative mind.  

The land you are looking for  

Is by your side.  

Tell me wanderer,  

'Will you take me with you?' "  

-"Wait a bit, wait a bit.  

Let me just think a bit.  

Who are you and  

Why did you come across?"  

-"I am at a loss  

And I want a free voice."  

-"I am at a loss  

And I want a free land."  

-"If we unite and explore,  

There will be sorrow no more."  

-The vagabond looks  

This way and that way for nothing.  

The flowers are newly bloomed,  

The grasses are soaked with the jewels of spring.  

The freedom comes walking close  

So easily!?  

The mind becomes burden-less,  

Wonderful, wonderful

So easily!?  

Splashes of lake water;  

Mirth in heart's chamber.  

The horizon is put today  

Inside two eyes.  

The chirp of happy birds,  

The tune of happy flute,  

The hymn of young woman  

Are heard inside.  

The sight is of no control.  

The vagabond thinks, 'let it roll.'  

- "On this colourful day  

It will take us,  

Through the serpentine way  

To a little happy nest."  

-"In that nest there'll be light -

The light of our eyes.  

The soft and blue light."  

-"The free light, the open light,  

The moon light, the star light,  

The calm and the lost light  

of free taste."  

-"The joy, the free hope and

The free thoughts will come  

One after another doing good to us and  

It'll be the best."

-"Where are you free girl?  

Please spread out your hand.  

Let me touch and let me be  

Blessed in free land."

197. FANTASY OF ‘FREE’

     This was a poem written when he was studying in the institute. This poem described his mental state. He could not propose to Purabi because he was uncertain about his future. He moved away from his home town. He could not propose to his girlfriend too. So he was now looking for a girl, with whom he could talk and who was like him meaning she had a vagabond mind. So he was anticipating a meeting that could change his life completely. Since his childhood he was a thinker. Besides studies he used to do a lot of things like playing football, drawing, reading story books and a lot more things. Everything was stopped after leaving home. The city Kolkata took away everything from him in the name of struggle. The huge syllabi of the university, the fear of failing in the examination, and the pain of living away from his girlfriend made him completely inert about life. After 2001 his life was complete anathema to his childhood and teenage self. However, he was surviving in a way or other. The cinema institute gave some breathing space though. But it was very little compared to his childhood. So he was imagining an encounter with a girl of his type.

198. THE POEM ‘FIRE’

The fire is inside me, the fire is my spell.

I feel like playing with the fire.

I have waves of joy in my smile, light in my eyes.

The body is full of mind blowing warmth.

That’s why I am arrogant, I don’t care.

With hard feet I trample on the old.

Who will stop me; let me hear who will stop me?

The dream is calling me from the sky.

That’s why I walk ahead without looking back.

Let the free mind rush to me seeing me there.

I’ll no longer keep anything hidden in my heart.

Like a kite I’ll shout underneath the blue.

199. FANTASY OF ‘FIRE’

      Again this was a poem written by him on her behalf and thus for all young adolescent girls, who wanted to shout out and show off. It happened in the puberty. The nascent sexuality drove young girls toward attention. Some of them became attention seekers. This poem just described their mentality at a glance. Her girlfriend was also one of them. As described before she fled with a handsome guy to explore her sexuality as she probably did not get it from him. But later her family managed to bring her back to normalcy. He felt jealous obviously. But later he realised that she expected something from him, which he did not understand. He would realise it much later, when he grew up and there was distance between them. But anyway this was a real story. So she would not wait in reality. And he would keep on struggling for a better job. And both of them would part away in the course of time. Neither was it a fairy tale nor were the cheap movies that she loved to watch. So in reality she might get a happy family. But he would not get it so easily.

200. THE POEM ‘I’LL BE PRIMEVAL’

I’ll be primeval, I’ll be mad, I’ll be savage today.

Under the moon in the silent night take away my attire.

I’ll roll on the grass; I’ll sink into the blue water.

I’ll only call you forgetting all staffs.

The sound of falling leaves, the obscure darkness-

Only you and I and our bond of the warmth

Will bring in the ultimate moment and the night of limitless joy.

The calm mind will be unstable and the unstable will become mad.

The moonbeam will fall on the wet body time and again.

With the touch of joy, suave light, it’ll bind the body.

That body will remain waiting for you.

With its nude touch your heart will be filled with joy.

I can’t wait anymore, please come close to me

With heart, mind, body in make-upless make-up.

201. FANTASY OF ‘I’LL BE PRIMEVAL’

    This was again a poem that showed his love for the nature. The primal life of human civilization was attracting him. He wanted to run away from the daily life. He wanted her touch. So he was imagining the pure beauty under the sky and into the blue. The moonlit night attracted him. The green grass attracted him.  With all these he was creating a space where the pure love would happen. He wanted to cherish the feelings of heart and body together. So he was offering her his pure nudity. Now it was time for her to come close with her primal charm.

202. THE POEM ‘WITH THE DREAM’

I’m the soma-hearted, soma-minded, soma- meditating yogi –

The consumer of heart, soul, soma and dream.

My joy lies in consuming the heart in addition with soma.

Where to get a space for mind and the day-night of the joy.

Dreaming a lot, travelling more, I’ve come in the end.

Time and again I’ve fallen in love with the soul and soma.

Yet, where it gets stuck with what nobody knows.

Everywhere the shyness drags me behind.

The dreamy-dense-diffracted mind comes down suddenly

Smeared with the dissatisfaction of heavenly wild joy.

Yet, the mind does not hear, don’t know why, can’t get it properly.

Only I fill my empty heart with the dream.

203. FANTASY OF ‘WITH THE DREAM’

    He was totally driven by materialistic philosophy. So he was mocking at the so called spirituality that was nothing but an illusion to get rid of the real desire. He simply thought that if he had desire, he should have worked to achieve it. But the norms of the society were stopping him from achieving that. The illusion of spiritual philosophies was nothing but redundant garbage of the society since no man could ever claim that he never masturbated. So this was where the soul and soma were related. So he wanted to give a damn to yoga, meditation and other methods that prepare the mind not to achieve the desire. He felt that his mind should have worked toward the desire. To him it was all fine until he was not hurting anyone. Having sex was not a taboo for him; of course it had to be consensual. But old monks of the society did not understand it. He believed in playing games, doing physical exercises but yoga. So he was calling him a soma-meditating yogi, which was an oxymoron phrase indeed. He was mocking at the idea of meditation and yoga, indeed.

204. THE POEM ‘WARMTH’

What starts with seeing, becomes ultimate with friction.

So every mind lives the life while the body burns.

Urban, rustic, wild, civilized get fused in the same joy.

Without warmth living is not possible for this life.

It’s beyond-beauty illusion, a unique sensation.

To express it in words is simply a mad’s job.

With the touch between the bodies, it gets aroused.

It makes the weary body wet in warm love sap.

In birth, thought, dream, sleep the silent warmth

Arouse the eagerness to live time and again.

At spring night on the bed in primal fusion

The warmth writes the bond with flawless rules.

So,

Why to live with machines, spells and cults

Only if you get fused in joy, you’ll understand.

205. FANTASY OF ‘WARMTH’

   After writing so many poems about sexuality, now he was feeling that it could never be expressed in words. So the puberty driven sexuality was telling him that there was nothing more important than to have sex at a spring night. And all the people, be it rustic or urban, could never escape this enigma of desire. That was simply mind blowing to experience sex. But it was again not possible for the norms of the society. So he was writing this poem.

206. THE POEM ‘BODY’

In the eyeballs there’s the well adorned thunder spark.

In the lips there’s the instigation of happiness.

On the shaved cheeks there’s the assurance of softness.

To fill it with happiness, the warmth is calling.

In the high and wide shoulders, there’s the wave of peace.

On the upper body with the muscles the dream talks.

On the two chests the lungs move up and down.

Afterward there’s the wavelike smooth desire.

Within this there’s an immobile silent hole.

Its soundless call is severely savage.

With limitless addiction  the thin waist is bound.

In the shameless lower part there’s the enigma of hips.

The call of fire-spring by the valor with the infallible supernatural

Is staying all alone at the same place silently.

With a little touch of warmth it wakes up.

And the impatient woman gets the sheer thrill.

Along the healthy thigh, the beauty of muscles -

To touch them the fairy is always eager.

So, in severe heat at the call of fire, the eyeballs are stable.

The heaven of joy, where will you flee without touching it?

207. FANTASY OF ‘BODY’

     This was again a poem he was writing on behalf of his girlfriend. He wanted to explore her fantasy. Thus he was writing a description of the body of a man. He was now delving into the fantasy of a woman. This poem was about how girls want to see a man. It was an abstract poem about the body of a man. That was quite interesting for him. It started with his girlfriend’s psychology. But the poem became universal. One might recall the Vitruvian man of Da Vinci. But he wrote it in his puberty much before knowing about the Vitruvian man. In fact it was an abstract poem, not as direct an approach as Leonardo drew it. However, critics could say anything. But he wrote it to explore the fantasy of his girlfriend. Later he would also write about the body of a woman.

208. THE PHONE CALL

      The weather was sunny here. He was busy writing the draft. After finishing the poem ‘Body’, he took a bath. Then he prepared the breakfast and had it with coffee.

     He did not expect it. But Stella phoned him.

-        Hi

-        Good morning.

-        Good evening.

-        What’s up?

-        Working on the draft.

-        That’s great.

-        Actually I’m impatient to read it.

-        Wait for a few more days.

-        Okay.

-        Actually this section was tougher than the ‘Grey Diary’.

-        I know.

-        How do you know?

-        My translator told me that.

-        Yes. So it’ll take some time.

-        Okay.

-        What’s happening in California?

-        Nothing new, situation is quite complicated now.

-        Why?

-        Because of lockdown.

-        Yes that I know. But is there any new development?

-        Yes, each and every person is being tested here.

-        That’s nice.

-        Yes. But life is getting boring.

-        Yes true. Don’t worry, everything will be alright soon.

-        Hope so. What’s happening in India?

-        Home ministry relaxed the lockdown from today.

-        That’s great. So you can shop now.

-        Yes, but not at malls.

-        Okay.

-        Yes, only the local shops will be open with restrictions.

-        That’s nice.

-        Yes, I’ll go for shopping soon.

-        You should.

-        Yes.

-        Could you please send me the draft?

-        Yes, but the ‘uncovered’ section has not been completed yet.

-        Don’t worry. Take some rest. I’m feeling bored in here.

-        Okay. I’ll send it soon.

-        Just send it now. I am crazy to know about your explicit fantasies (smile).

-        Okay. As you wish.

-        Okay. I’ll get back to you soon after reading the draft.

-        Okay.

-        Till then you take rest.

-        Okay.

-        Good night.

-        Bye.

Stella cut the line. He sent the draft to her. After two days, she phoned him in the morning.

-        Hi

-        Yes, I was just awaiting your call.

-        I know.

-        Have you read it?

-        Yes, it’s fantastic. I just loved it. You really have the guts.

-        Thanks.

-        It’s gonna be a path breaking work, I’m telling you.

-        I always try to be unique.

-        I know your life is unique.

-        Are you going to make a movie out of it?

-        Yes that’s the real purpose.

-        That’ll be great.

-        And you will act in this movie.

-        I’ll decide that.

-        No I insist.

-        But I’m fat and bald now.

-        Don’t worry. Try to reduce your weight and rest of the things could be worked out.

-        It’ll not look realistic.

-        It’ll.

-        Okay. Who will direct the movie then?

-        You.

-        How is it possible?

-        You know better than me.

-        Okay, I’ll devise a plan since you insist.

-        That’s better.

-        Okay.

-        But finish the draft first.

-        Yes, that has to be done at any cost.

-        Cost is my headache. You just keep working on it.

-        Okay, thanks.

-        How is your family?

-        All good.

-        Nice.

-        Good night.

-        Bye.

209. THE POEM ‘FAIRY TALES’

These norms rules bonds appear to be intolerable.

Whatever we want, we’ll do. We have no restraint, fear.

If I wish I will fly in the sky.

If we wish we will get fused secretly.

Wish is natural to me and the blood is mad.

I’ll write the fairy tales of life anew.

210. FANTASY OF ‘FAIRY TALES’

    This was again a poem about his hidden desire. He wanted to run away with her in a secret place and have sex. But he was restrained by the society. He was predicting that he would write the fairy tales anew since the fairy tales that people read so far did not have a realistic approach. They were simply full of fantasies to become princess and prince. But the conclusion of these fairy tales was always a happy ending, which was quite against the real life. Actually he was predicting that he would write Orange sooner or later. That’s the fairy tale of today.

211. THE POEM ‘IN SCANTY ATTIRE’

On the nude body a little darkness and littlest clothes –

Today, the definition of beauty is in the mould of mini and micro.

Anew, in new make-up, in new fun

The primal joy smiles through the scanty attire.

The blue sky, wild green, or the colour of fire,

Whatever the styles of the designer’s smart cut,

It’ll hit the market with success with its appeal.

Ah, in the scanty cloth there lies the pure happiness.

Scanty dress, scanty shape, but yet not scanty.

On the breast it takes care of the fire of illusion.

Sometimes it’s mysterious, sometimes it’s mad.

Looking at a glance, the heart gets mad.

When the cleavage between soft joys start on warm breast,

It binds him suddenly midway –

The duo joys get more and more mysterious,

The mad heart with eager eyes sees without speech.

If it drops from the shoulder a bit,

If the cloth moves a little bit on the soft breasts,

Forgetting the argument, brawl, huff, esteem

Beggars, pseudos, honests, dishonests – all rush in.

In the night in solitary room, with you my love,

While diving into the ocean of love I also wish that

In arm-amunition-clotheless scanty attire,

Let me see you at a happy night sitting by there.

212. FANTASY OF ‘IN SCANTY ATTIRE’

     This was a fantasy that every man had. He was a voracious reader. He used to read anything that was there in front of him. He used to collect the sensual photos of celebrities from news papers and magazines. He had a diary, where he used to paste them. In this poem he was discarding the idea of pornography by Picaso, since he was getting pleasure out of watching the celebrities in scanty attires. So now his young mind was being crazy to see his girlfriend in scanty attire. It was just an ordinary fantasy that every young man had. Later he would realise that it was not an easy task to make a good pornography though since sex was a transient in the average daily routine of life. So it was certainly not easy to deal with the transient and make a good piece of cinema out of it so easily. There was a huge chance to get shocked by the transient. However, he wanted to see his girlfriend in scanty attire.

213. THE POEM ‘HOT AND SOFT’

Hot hot wish of

Soft soft youth –

With this there is the unsaid

Heart’s beating.

The bodyful of sparks

Look for heap of explosives.

In the wait of explosion

The heart is silent.

The pure explosion

Has no fear of sin.

In the warm river

Let the tide and forbidden

Storm come.

214. FANTASY OF ‘HOT AND SOFT’

    He was feeling the urge again. So he was awaiting an explosion. It was his desire to have sex with his girlfriend that was getting stopped time and again because of the norms of the society. So he was simply comparing his urge with the sparks and the ecstasy with the explosion.

215. THE POEM ‘MAKE-UP TALK’

Flying the hair, arrogant, trembling the red lips

I walk the way I want. The flood of the youth

Flows on the soft body with the warmth.

Looking at that thousand eyes talk about me.

At waist the jeans stops after a slip,

After the showy top the navel peeps through.

I walk with firm steps like a horse.

After every step there is the smooth soil beneath.

Swinging the clothes, I walk with a different gait,

When I wear sari, see-through, of the colour of my wish.

The colour of shoes matches with the transparent sari.

The obscure body comes up at the night of joy.

On Saturday at calm night nobody can stop me.

Just below the waist slipping a bit the make-up ends.

On smooth thighs there comes the flood of soft light.

I dance leaving all the senses of holiness or sin.

On the sea-shore, when I run in dremolluison,

I flaunt all my beauty behind the touch of a bikini.

I play with my love in the water of sun set.

I become unstable, when the night arrives.

Ultimate, soft and hot, the attires of my night –

I put make-up on my darling as I want to do.

After that the creator knows what the state of my love is.

My beauty is the result of curd, sandal and cucumber.

Eye liner, mascara, body lotion,

Lipstick, massage oil, foundation,

With all these I have my world amidst the family works

I always look for a better self as I want.

216. FANTASY OF ‘MAKE-UP TALK’

     Again this was a poem written on behalf of her girl friend. He belonged to a middle class family. She belonged to a middle class family. And both of them have fantasies that were discussed so far. Now he was writing the fantasy of her girlfriend about make-up. Every girl liked to wear make-up as her girlfriend did. So he wanted to write poem regarding all the young girls, who loved to feel a bit arrogant, a bit confident after wearing the make-up. This poem was basically a result of reading the section, where the tips about how to look better used to be published, of a typical commercial news paper as he was facing problems with pimples. His acnes made him worried about his look. He did not understand that was quite natural in puberty especially for the boys and girls with oily skins. So he started reading about cosmetic and herbal treatments for skin along with fashion. Thus this poem came into play.

217. THE POEM ‘SOMA’

Those enchanting eyes are filled with dreams.

The blood red lips are smeared with cry and smile.

Stable voice, sweet tune, suave soft body –

Even in the dream, seeing them the mind wants to rush in.

About those stormy breasts, what’s the mystery?

Thinking that time passes, there is no laziness.

The hot-soft-mango-like frozen two joys –

With touch, love, beauty they fulfill the desire of a man.

In the land of light, the soft suave plane

Has got the mine of beauty along the space.

In the waist there flows the stream of thin river.

With the touch of it the sagacity of the old becomes silent and immobile.

The fire lies there within the mysterious chasm.

Along the mind and heart from body to body it binds the society.

For the trembling thighs and the weight of the hips

Ages after ages the mankind feels febrile.

The soft, supple, wet, suave, light danger -

With this rhyme the limbs of her are kept in order.

218. FANTASY OF ‘SOMA’

     After the poem ‘Body’, he was now describing the female body, achieving what is his fantasy, of her girlfriend. So as a result he was writing this poem on behalf of the race of men, who always dreams to have sex with a perfect female body. This was an abstract description of a female body. He was also warning that if one delves too much into the soma of a woman, it might become fatal. But nothing wrong in writing poems about her, painting her picture, marrying her or even having sex with her in case it was consensual. Everything is okay. But it could be dangerous to handle a bimbo. That’s all what he wanted to say.

219. THE POEM ‘AT THE NIGHT OF JOY’

Let all the sorrows go away

At the night of joy.

Let the rain fall along the body

Now and today.

Let it soak all the limbs

Of yours and mine.

With the wet make-up

We’ll mate.

The night will wake up.

220. FANTASY OF ‘AT THE NIGHT OF JOY’

   This was again a dream to mate with his girlfriend in a rainy day. He was trying to conceive a perfect place an environment for their sex to happen. But he could not do it since he was an introvert in nature. He could write pages after pages, but he could not tell his girlfriend that he wanted to have it with her. He was often very unsure about the conclusion of their love as fairy tales did not exist in reality. He could not remember exactly when he wrote the poem. But it was still showing that he was feeling upset. Whenever he was upset, he would write something to cheer him up. Thus he wanted to create a space and time that would be conducive to their mating.

To be continued ...

[drferox]

20 Questions with Dr Ferox #23

Whelp, time for another blast of 20 questions and comments from the inbox. If you were brave enough to use your username I’ve tried to tag you (Thanks Tumblr) but if you were on anon, you’ll have to look yourself.

Would you folks be interested in me answering these sort of short questions in a video instead? Let me know in the replies. Now here we go!

Anonymous said: do u play mobile games on your phone, like animal crossing pocket camp? :O

No, should I? I haven't heard much about it.

@trisaratops45 said: Dr. Ferox, First off I just started following your blog and love it! I'm stuck using mobile so I can't see your faq information. I was just wondering if the clinic you work at sees any exotic or pocket pets? Of so what is your favorite to see and treat? Thank you!

Welcome! We don't see a huge amount of exotics at my clinic, we're not well set up for them, but ferrets are probably my favorites.

Anonymous said: do you follow any medblr blogs? and if you do, are you ever like 'thank goodness i don't have to deal with that' or 'man i wish it was that easy'? question tax: what is your favorite depiction of dragons from fantasy media

I actually had to go check which blogs I was following. No active medblr blogs in the list anyway. I often see real clients, in the flesh, and think 'Im glad i don't have to deal with that', especially when they describe to me their own gross medical problems as though I want to know exactly what's coming out of their orifices. All dragons are good dragons. I don't think i could pick a favorite.

@the-noble-banana said: What style of nail clippers are best for trimming a cat's claws?

Whatever you're comfortable with. I like these ones

Anonymous said: Do dogs get acne? Is that a thing? Just curious! Question tax: if you could shoot something out of your finger, what would it be?

They can get comedones with certain hormonal conditions (black heads) and can get pimple-like lesions with skin infections. I would shoot icy cold water out of my fingers. Great for hot days, and for stupid faces.

Anonymous said: Do you typically bandage and cover amputations? At the vet I worked at (I was only kennel so everything I saw was in passing) every animal who had limb amputation left after a day or two with the incision fully bandaged. My dog had her hind leg amputated and the vet (different one) had her in and out in under three hours and sent her home unbandage. Just out of curiosity is it case by case that you decide to bandage? Gave my mom a little heart attack seeing her all bloody and swollen

We might but a light dressing over them, but in an amputation of anything more than a toe there's often not much to bandage. Limb amputations are typically very high up the limb in dogs and cats and it's hard to bandage something in that position. Also, sometimes dogs eat the dressing.

@crimsonrose95 said: I'm not vet med, but I am into chemistry and physical sciences and the ask talking about chemistry being inconsistent is so weird a thought to me. Biology is way less consistent than chemistry like chemistry is mostly math with elements and compounds while biology is mostly names. It's just really interesting how most people start to think a science they don't like and have trouble in is just the science being completely inconsistent to them. Me included.

I get what you mean. Chemistry has a fairly distinct set of rules, even if they're rules you've not encountered outide of chemistry before. I was never a fan of physics, but it is consistent. Biology likes to bend rules. Life finds a way.

Anonymous said: Why does my cat yell when I try to use the bathroom alone? Question tax: what's your favorite thing about Australia?

Possibly he thinks you need moral support? Or that there's demons in there. My favorite thing about Australia is our universal healthcare system and gun control.

@foxtrottarts said: How common is dewclaw removal in dogs, and what are the benefits/downsides?

Hind dewclaw removal is relatively common at the time of deseing, if they're the sort that flop all over the place and lack a boney attachment. Front dewclaws are usually left, unless removed for a medical reason. I've written about it before here. https://drferox.tumblr.com/search/dewclaw

Anonymous said: Can a dog still have the MDR1 gene if they have never reacted to those drugs in the past (lets says a dog that has regular flea prevention of selemectin)

If the dog has only had a popular flea product containing selamectin but has never had ivermectin, yes they could still have it. MDR1 dogs typically don't react to that product, nor do they react to the annual heartworm injection.

Anonymous said: Hello, I had a question as google only takes me but so far, and the results were iffy at best since it's difficult to locate a vet or someone in a position who would know the answer. How much of a danger is animal or human saliva to pet birds? Some people say kissing the bird, or having another pet such as a dog lick/groom them is an issue, but I'm just lost on if any is true, and would love to find the answer. Thanks a ton in advance since it's all pretty confusing.

It is a potential issue. Carnivore saliva contains many bacterial species that can be devastating to birds or other mammals even through relatively small abrasions. Carnivores should not be permitted to interact with prey species and birds. Cats are especially risky because they're so pointy and because they effectively coat themselves in saliva when grooming. You can find some more information here.

Anonymous said: Hi Dr. Ferox, we recently had to put our cat down due to health issues. We're pretty sure he had FIP as the last week of his life he had every symptom but one. A website we saw said the virus can live in the environment for weeks afterwards and I was wondering if you knew any sort of approximate time. We aren't ready for another cat yet but occasionally foster a kitten and don't want to bring one into the house and have it get sick

I typically reccomnd 4 months, and replacing bedding, litter trays and food dishes. While you are probably fine with 3 months, given the incurable and devestating nature of FIP (Feline Infection Peritonitis) I prefer to err on the side of caution.

@kumoi-no-hikari said: I got a couple rats a few months ago and the lady I bought them from mentioned that most vets don't know much about rats and will probably do more harm than good unless the situation is extreme. Is that true? They haven't had any issues, but I'm worried about traumatizing them or wasting money if they ever have a problem.

Some vets will certainly be better equiped or more interested in treating rats than others, but you'll only know if you call around and ask them. If they're not keen on seeing rats, they might know somebody who is. I think saying 'most vets don't know X' is unfair when you look at the diversity of vets in the world. Call around, plan for the worst ahead of time.

Anonymous said: Do you know how taxidermy works? I plan this route for my cat when she's passes, do I have to contact them before the body stiffens or position her first?

No idea. But I would contact them well in advance incase they have waiting lists or something. But I would think very carefully about whether taxidermy of a pet is something you definitely want.

Anonymous said: Hey there! What’s your favorite brand of stethoscope?

The Littman is what I use and have been very happy with my Classic II.

Anonymous said:Our poodle mix loved grabbing a mouthful of food then running to the living room to eat it - not necessarily to be near us, he just would eat over carpet. Sometimes we'd rearrange the living room so it wasn't a direct shot from the dining room and he'd still run around the furniture to eat there. He also once pooped one piece on each stair when we were gone all day for some unfathomable reason.

There is so much that could be going on there, but since you didn't seem to ask a question I'm not sure what you'd like me to say.

Anonymous said: On the topic if dog eating things they shouldn't. A shitzu swallowed the end of a large chew bone whole and when she puked It up it was about the size of my fist.

Little dogs often seem to overestimate what they can safely eat. Westies seem to be the worst for this though, and are a common breed to see for stuff getting stuck in their oesophagus.

Anonymous said: About people thinking vets are scammers, my family was so bad with this when I was a child. I remember I had a sick kitten, I was around 8, it had some lung issues and I begged and cried to vet it and my dad said "pray really really really hard to God every hour, and maybe he'll bring a miracle!" and the cat died the next day :( I get so LIVID when people refuse taking their pets to vets for stuff that cannot wait. Makes me wanna slap those people senseless!

Your Dad sounds like a lazy asshole and a cheapskate. Even if god existed, I'm pretty sure he wouldn't appreciate being dialed up for a miracle like a pizza delivery.

Anonymous said: i just wanted to tell you that i recently adopted an older orange tabby cat (dsh) and he is large. like not just fat (which we are working on), but unusually tall and long. like. maine coon size. he has so far used his size to swipe bacon off a kitchen counter and remain an effective roadblock. he's very calm and sweet, i love my big fat baby.

Congratulations on your new addition! I'm sure your big orange boy loves you back too.

@mise-en--place said: Thought you might appreciate this. We got records on a cat today and on a previous visit they stated; "BCS 5/9. Cat appears to be about 7lbs through the gloves and towel." We got a good laugh, cat was actually quite calm for her visit.

I received a history for my old cat Dippa who had once very badly bitten this other vet that only said "Appears healthy in cage. Vaccinated in cage. Dr Ferox is welcome to come and perform a dental on her own cat any time she likes." I took that to mean "I'm not touching this hellbeast. You deal with her."

[personalcoachingcenter]

Who says you are mising out? People you follow online?

New Post has been published on https://personalcoachingcenter.com/who-says-you-are-mising-out-people-you-follow-online/

Who says you are mising out? People you follow online?

How Social Media Creates a Fear of Missing Out (And What To Do About It)

personalexcellence.co

"FOMO — or the fear of missing out — has become a pattern in today’s world. We are constantly on our phones, glued to social media feeds and checking what other people are up to. The more updates we see, the more anxious we feel. We see people living this exciting life, achieving this new… The post How Social Media Creates a Fear of Missing Out (And What To Do About It) appeared first on Personal Excellence. " https://personalexcellence.co/podcast/fomo/

Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make

Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment. 

    Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad? 

  5 Simple Ways To Be Happier

yourdost.com

"What is the one thing we all want? To be happier. As surprising as it sounds, achieving it isn’t so difficult. Don’t believe us? Read on to find out. Here are 5, simple, actionable tips to inculcate to become a happier version of yourself! 1. Get some exercise  Source – http://yourmedguide.com A point we have been trying …" http://yourdost.com/blog/2017/06/5-simple-ways-to-be-happier.html

There are no guarantees.

  You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness. Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned. Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness. Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent.  There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations. 

  Wrong decisions are always at hindsight.

  Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong. 

  Take the risk: decide.

  Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveller or an accidental tourist of life.  But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of life’s crossroads:

· Get as many information as you can about your situation.

  “Happiness Is Not Something You Can Measure Against Others.”

gretchenrubin.com

"Interview: Carly Zakin and Danielle Weisberg, Founders of theSkimm Co-Founders and Co-CEOs of theSkimm, Carly Zakin and Danielle Weisberg launched theSkimm from their couch in 2012 and have built a brand with more than 7 million daily subscribers. The company started with the Daily Skimm, the fastest growing email newsletter on the market (sign up […]" http://gretchenrubin.com/2019/06/carly-zakin-danielle-weisberg-interview/

  You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 W’s: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation. 

  · Identify and create options.

  What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

  · Weigh the pros and cons of every option.

  Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

  · Trust yourself and make that decision.

  Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight.  So choose… decide… believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.

  Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.

[bansheefunk]

Just watched: A bunch of pirated DVDs I found around the house.

8 nov '18, night I haven't watch a DVD in years but somehow this bulk found a way to my home, mostly from my sister, I think she saw these movies on her laptop but I didn't had a way to even play them. My sister ditched her old laptop, I took it, installed Windows 8.1 and I released that I can use it as a media player with ease, immediately these old DVDs came to my mind so I decided to actually watch them for the first time. Having physical media on my hands after so long feels super nostalgic. actually interacting with the movie as an object is an unique feeling we've lost, I've yearned for it and this has made me so happy.

The Baron of Arizona (1950) I have to admit I saw this movie last week but didn't feel like writing anything about it. My first thought was "This is the count of montecristo but backwards" because it's about a man who organizes a complex plot to better his life but as the movie goes on this persists showing that his well being is ruining the lives of other people. Is not a movie that challenges the viewer but it's a ruse so outlandish it makes for it.

The Steel Helmet (1951) I should point out these criterion movies I have are from a collection of the early films of Samuel Fuller, Who is Samuel Fuller? I don't know really. This movie was produced while the korea war was still gong on and you can tell they could not film on location. I'm very undecided if this movie is propaganda or not, it may even be sincere on it's language of support but if it's not then it fails terribly, it's too soft on its criticism and makes no attempt to show the worst parts of war or trying to humanize the enemy. This movie bothers me, I don't want to think it's sincere propaganda but offers really little out of it. After watching this movie I decided to write these impressions, it's trip worth going across.

15 nov 18, night I Shot Jesse James (1949) I didn't work!. my computer wasn't even able to read it! Cue Family Guy skit about the goodness of physical then it doesn't work.

Heat (1995) My first reaction was seeing this movie's play time and going all '3 fucking hours!' in disbelief. When I finally sat to watch it I was very surprised, all these big name actors, how come I never heard of this movie before? Possibly because it was never on TV because of '3 fucking hours!' Soon enough I was very charmed. this movie is well made and there is no other way to put it, everything from the photography to the performances everything deliverers the right point, like eating food at the exact temperature that you like adding more to the experience. When I first started watching I didn't release this movie was from 1995 and there is nothing in the movie that sets it on such year giving an authentic atemporal feeling. Still there is something grand about this movie, like if this was the top of what hollywood schlock could aspire to be, this is still a crime movie after all but a damn good one and I feel bad I never saw it before.

20 nov '18, night Skyfall (2012) I'm not the biggest James Bond fan, I've seen some of the movies when they're on TV, saw casino Royale on theaters and I'm familiar with the lore. I'm not a casual but I can't spout mindless trivia. The movie was quiet long, two and a half hours but it was so well photographed, why does this type of schlock always look so good? This entry tried to be a game changer for the franchise, we get new characters in the old roles, new offices for the M16 and they try to give Bond some character, it's all acknowledged and it's so strange because on the Bond films I've seen they don't pretend the new actors took over the previews one. Giving Bond some depth really disgusted me, Bond has mostly been like Tintin or Link, a blank slate for the viewer but now that Bond is a scotsman from a wealthy family and an orphan I don't like him so much but beside that I can't hate this movie, it's just schlock for those who like schlock and doesn't try to e anything but schlock and I respect that. I also want to complain that once I was done with this movie the plastic bag where it came from was nowhere to be found, I'm frustrated about having to look up a freaking plastic bag just for this.

26 nov '18, night Max Payne (2008) When I started to watch this movie I thought it was good, the right balance of style, action, drama and grit. When I sat to watch the second half the sound started to go off but I fixed it switching the language but this cycled continued and the audio laster shorter and shorter times until I hat to sit on front of the laptop and changing the language each minute, it was awful and by the end when I got a montage of what we saw 20 minutes ago but with different cuts  felt offended, I felt like if the movie wanted to waste my time and overall any joy or good opinions I had were extinguished, maybe some other time I could had enjoyed this better but not I only feel a Family Guy gag mocking me for trusting a DVD that had lived in a plastic bag for years.

30 nov '18, night Serpico (1973) My first reaction to this movie was "What a fucking boomer and his boomer booms" but our main character grew on me and I started to empathize with him, he's a pure soul, too pure for this world but strong who fought for what he believed and for a better world, it's really a touching drama and hard to hate. A thing that fascinated me was the mise en scene, everything looks old, like if it was already old when the movie was shot but I know all that stuff was new I'm just used to see every prop after years and years of use. And I loved the way everything in the city looked, it felt like it had a sad story to tell. This is a good move that won me over after having a bad first impression.

5 nov '18, night Blue (1993) I started seeing this the night I finished Serpico, I thought I could watch the first 10 minutes but the dvd died before that, I thought I was set for another bad disc but few days later I tried again, skipped around and managed to get the movie running tho there are like 6 minutes missing at the beginning, I didn't mind them but as the movie went on I released that I missed something important stuff, I didn't got what it was supposed to be but the negative space stays with me. This movie is a damn good movie and there is no other way to put it, everything is too well done and the only thing I feel is left behind is the soundtrack but that is just me being tires of all soundtracks sounding the same but it's used so well it charms for different reasons. This is a very slow and thick character drama and examination, is the kind of movie I wish I could make, the kind of story I wish I could tell.

10 dic '18, night Red (1994) Is hard to talk about this movie, so many things go on yet it doesn't feel rushed or cramped, it a human story realistic but yet has that edge that reminds you it's pure fiction. Its a roller coaster of emotions but feels so serene. All honest I feel Blue is above Red but I can't wait to see white.

14 dic '18, past midnight White (1994) I don't have much to say about this one, it took me by surprise that most of it was in polish, I didn't expect one of these movie to be set in poland like this but still has ties to france. all the movies in this trilogy tell a human story that also has something that bents it and requires some suspension of disbelief, they're not fantasy but they're like a urban legend or a very distorted real account. Right now I think in order of quality they're Blue > White > Red which is also the order that came out, maybe watching them out of order really affected how do I think about them.

21 dic '18, night Cry baby (1990) When I saw the cover I expected a drama, a greaser crying just summoned he image of a post war hollywood drama like Blackboard Jungle, Picnic, The Lost Weekend or the obvious choice rebel Without A Cause. I pop the movie in and I'm greeted a a dumb comedy wrapped in some many layers of irony the core is completely lost, I can tell is a comedy but only one joke made me laugh, none of the songs stuck with me and overall the only thing the movie leaves on me is a slight ironic 50's nostalgia. When I was done with the film I told my sister about it (She own the DVD after all) and she said this movie was too tame for a John Waters film, the guy who made Pink Flamingos also made this and that was so shocking. This movie is just strange on the inside and the outside.

29 dic '18, night The Breed (2006) This movie is so bad it only survived by sharing a case with a good movie, I found this crap in the same case for two Clint Eastwood movie, I never heard about it before and after finally watching I can see why. Supposedly this is a horror movie but everything it sets out to be fails on its task, the first thing I found jarring was the photography, is very warm and mellow, in no point does this look like a horror movie and always looks like a romance or an R&B video. The second big issue are the dogs, the dogs are the monster of the movie and they just don't rub me in a bad way, the movie fails to show dogs in a scary or aggressive manner and some scenes that are supposed to be scary are actually kind of cute, these dogs are adorable no matter how much they bark, as the movie went on I released the dogs didn't stand a chance, tons of dogs get hurt or killed while we only get two humans dead and a third from an accident were a dog also died. This movie is bad, a legitimate 4/10, goddammit.

7 ene '18, night Unforgiven (1992) I can't say much about this movie beside that it's damn good, I'm unsure why but I think it has the right balance between, character development, action and drama but I may be wrong. Also the photography is very crispy I can't believe this movie is from 1992, I thought it was from 2002 the first time I popped the DVD in.

10 ene '19, night The Outlaw Josey Wales (1976) Another really good movie. I'm very charmed by the sense of adventure, things happen out of nothing and some of them go away just like that, there is a sense of restlessness across the movie and that drives it, we feel the character's pathos and march with them without feeling the same danger and it's that chaotic feeling what makes this movie feel so human, things happen up and down like in life and not like in movies where things happen to move the story, the characters were the ones moving and things happened to them. Also both of the Clint Eastwood movies had several things in common, both start with Eastwood's characters as simple men who have to take arms for money and war respectively, both feature a younger sidekick who gets tired with the violence and an overall feeling that the violence we're seeing is not the way things should be, I'm sure these movies were packed together because of that and I really like that message. These are all the DVDs that are around the house, I should catch up with some cartoons now, I want to take a picture of the DVDs but as the moment I'm writing this I don't have a camera, it'll be a while before I can publish this.

[rjhamster]

-This is VERY LONG but VERY INTESTING!!! Especially for you Kaepernick fans. Written by Larry Taunton Former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has become the face of a movement that has filled our streets with protests and riots. He is not the voice, mind you, just the face. His handlers keep his image before the public through lucrative Nike endorsements but keep his public commentary to a minimum. Thus, it is difficult to really know the man and his mission. To that end, if we are to really understand our current social and political crisis, we need to know something of Kaepernick’s story. Colin Kaepernick was born in 1987 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. He is the biological child of a single white mother, Heidi Russo, whose partner, an African American, fled the relationship when he learned she was pregnant. Russo, then 19, decided to allow Rick and Teresa Kaepernick, a white couple, to adopt the newborn boy. In their care, young Colin would be given a life and opportunities that almost certainly would have eluded him otherwise. Raised in a Christian family, Colin was baptized a Methodist and confirmed as a Lutheran. Quiet and good-natured, the boy, it soon became clear, was a talented athlete, too. In high school he excelled in baseball, basketball, and football, and eventually received numerous scholarship offers to play collegiate baseball. But Kaepernick had big dreams of playing football. “I hope I go to a good college in football,” he wrote in fourth grade, “then go to the pros and play on the Niners or the Packers, even if they aren’t good in seven years.” America being what it is, with his hard work and talent, his dream came true. In 2007, Kaepernick accepted the football scholarship and free education offered him by the University of Nevada. He took his Christian faith seriously, attending a Baptist church during this time and adding his now famous tattoos illustrating verses from the Bible and a Christian cross. With faith in his God, Kaepernick won the starting job as quarterback for the Wolf Pack, and in 2010, he led them to a 13-1 record and their first Top 25 ranking in 62 years. True to his dream, Kaepernick was selected by the San Francisco 49ers in the second round of the 2011 NFL Draft. After a rookie year as the backup to quarterback Alex Smith, Kaepernick earned the starting job and led the 49ers to Super Bowl XLVII. Although they lost to the Baltimore Ravens 34-31, Kaepernick played well. The following year, he steered the 49ers back to the playoffs and an NFC Championship Game berth in which they lost to the Seattle Seahawks. During the off season, Kaepernick signed a six-year contract extension worth up to $126 million. Life was good. Then came injuries, bad play, and a benching. In 2015, Kaepernick was replaced by Blaine Gabbert, as clear a sign as any that the San Francisco 49ers no longer believed in his ability to lead the team to a championship. Still, were he to never complete another pass, Colin Kaepernick had succeeded wildly in the only country on Earth where one could become a millionaire playing the game he loved. He was young and rich, and a world of possibilities remained open to him. It is here that Kaepernick’s story takes a dark turn. It is not uncommon for adopted children to struggle with identity, and Kaepernick often struggled with his. The impression one gets of the young Colin Kaepernick is that of a man with a genuine social conscience but whose Christian faith, while replete with platitudes, tattoos, and sincerity, was lacking in theological substance. As C. S. Lewis once observed, ideological deserts are fertile ground for propagandists, and in the summer of 2016, the likable kid who wrote in elementary school enthusiastically of his American dream fell under the influence of radical social justice warrior (SJW) Ameer Hasan Loggins, a Muslim convert and hip-hop icon cum Berkeley professor. With Loggins’s encouragement, Kaepernick audited Loggins’s course on popular culture at Berkeley. Loggins characterizes Kaepernick as a hard-working, earnest student who was eager to learn. What, exactly, was Kaepernick learning under this new mentor? In sum, Loggins, who styles himself as an intellectual and a modern-day Malcolm X. He teaches, among other things, Islam as a religion of black liberation, capitalism as a system of oppression, and American history as one act of violence and exploitation after another. According to the New York Times, Loggins introduced the NFL quarterback to Nessa Diab, an olive-skinned beauty of Egyptian parentage who has made her name as a Muslim-American activist and Bay Area shock jock. Diab is California-born but spent many of her childhood years in Saudi Arabia, where, she says, her sense of social justice grew. Outspoken in her support for Black Lives Matter (not to be confused with “black lives matter”) and in her respect for such champions of social justice as Fidel Castro, her views mirror those of Loggins. She and Kaepernick soon began a romantic relationship, and under the influence of Loggins’s teaching and her sweet nothings, the radicalization of Colin Kaepernick was well underway. It seems hardly coincidental that in Kaepernick’s social media posts there now appeared indications of a new identity. This Colin Kaepernick was an angry political activist. He tweeted of lynching, murder, and bodies in the streets of America. Unsurprisingly, he expressed his admiration of Fidel Castro and Malcolm X. The oppression of black people at the hands of white police officers was a theme. “We are under attack!” he wrote. “It’s as clear as day!” Worse, he increasingly sounded like the black equivalent of a white supremacist, assuming the language of the violent revolutionary complete with the Black Panther “Black Power” salute. It is not hard to see the influence of his new handlers in all of this. When Kaepernick decided to take a knee during the national anthem of a preseason game in 2016, he became the symbolic leader of “The Resistance,” a kind of domestic anti-Americanism that deems this country the root of all evil. Perhaps due to the distraction, perhaps due to the accumulated injuries, Kaepernick was a shadow of his former self, and facing release from the 49ers, he opted for free agency. When no team picked him up, Kaepernick, the man who had been an overcomer his whole life, who had lived the American Dream, now became a victim, accusing the NFL of collusion. But America being what it is, the NFL settled out of court — some estimates put the settlement as high as $80 million — and Kaepernick signed a lucrative endorsement deal with Nike. Soon, they were marketing his image on billboards and television as something like an American Che Guevara to those foolish enough to think either is worthy of emulation. Let’s recap: Colin Kaepernick was born in a country where adoption is not only possible, but where the prevailing moral attitudes made his adoption likely. He loved sports, and because his talents were valued, he enjoyed a free university education and a highly profitable career. When that career failed, he blamed others, and the American legal system rewarded him handsomely as if a deep and genuine wrong had been done to him even though no wrong was ever legally established. And since this is a capitalistic country where free enterprise is both legal and encouraged, he was even able to parlay his twin roles of victim and SJW into a major corporate sponsorship worth millions. By any measure, Colin Kaepernick has flourished and profited under an American sky. What a country, eh? ***** Colin Kaepernick’s story is instructive insofar as it gives us insight into the roots of his rage and that of the people who would place him in the pantheon of history’s great reformers. But a great reformer he is not. On the contrary, if one listens to Kaepernick’s extremely limited interviews, one can deduce no systematic platform or clearly articulated ideology as with a reformer of the stature of Martin Luther King Jr. Indeed, one detects little more than anger and hatred. No, the ideology behind the movement Kaepernick would champion is provided by the likes of a Diab or a Loggins, and in sharp contrast to MLK Jr., who, like all great Western reformers, anchored his argument in Creation and the eternal laws of the God of the Bible, their radical agenda has no such foundation. Their movement, full of hate as it is for Western values rooted in Judeo-Christian principles, has much more in common with Islam. As noted above, this is not coincidental, and the difference between Christianity and Islam is the difference between MLK Jr. and Malcolm X, peace and violence, freedom and oppression. That said, protest organizers are more than happy to capitalize on the confusion of many well-intentioned Americans, many Christians among them — let’s borrow a phrase from economist Ludwig von Mises and call them “useful innocents” — who would join these protests in the mistaken idea that this is really about equality and justice. It isn’t. My venerable colleague Ben Stein has written that “this country is going absolutely crazy.” In this he is correct. But there is a deadly logic driving these insidious groups that we must not overlook. What we are witnessing is the thin edge of a social, political, and economic wedge that seeks a radical makeover of America as we know it. Reform the police? Equal opportunity for all? Don’t be naïve. At its core, Kaepernick’s movement is fundamentally and chiefly anti-American, hence the veneration of Guevara and Castro over that of authentic reformers like Lincoln and MLK Jr.; an infatuation with socialism rather than capitalism; and the open embrace of Islam and rejection of Judeo-Christian values. Colin Kaepernick’s leadership is more symbolic than real. But symbols are important, as Kaepernick and the ideologues behind him well understand. Indeed, it is precisely for this reason that they have chosen to attack the most powerful American symbol of all: the flag of the United States of America. The American flag is, in itself, nothing more than a bit of colored cloth. Like the Constitution, which is nothing more than parchment and ink, it has no power beyond that which we as a people give it. For two and a half centuries it has been a symbol of the ideals for which we as a people imperfectly strive, and those are neatly summarized in the words “Liberty and justice for all.” G. K. Chesterton, recognizing the source of America’s greatness, wrote, “America is the only nation in the world that is founded on a creed. That creed is set forth with dogmatic and even theological lucidity in the Declaration of Independence.” In that document we find these words: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. The United States of America was born of rebellion to secure the blessings of liberty. From time to time, reformers have provided a necessary corrective by appealing to Americans in spirit of the very principles upon which this country was founded. If Colin Kaepernick and Black Lives Matter are really about social justice as, I believe, they disingenuously claim, why not hold Americans to these lofty ideals rather than desecrating the very thing that symbolizes them? Larry Alex Taunton is a freelance columnist contributing to USA Today, Fox News, First Things, The Atlantic, The New York Post, CNN, Daily Caller, and The American Spectato

[englishlistwords]

When one sets out to compile a list like the Top Ten Libertarian Rock Bands, one is faced with a few challenges:

Rock purists will object and say, “Hey, they’re not libertarian!” because most rock purists balk at libertarian ideas.

Libertarian purists will object and say, “Hey, they’re not libertarian!” because they refuse to touch with a ten-foot pole anything that could remotely violate the non-aggression principle.

There simply aren’t many outspoken libertarians in mainstream rock today.

My response is that sometimes people are libertarian by accident.  Wasn’t rock n’ roll born in an anti-establishment, anti-authority environment?  Even many leftist rock bands (i.e., nearly all rock bands) produce a lot of individual songs that could be libertarian-sympathetic, whether they are anti-war or anti-authority.

With that said, these are the top 10 libertarian rock bands, in no particular order.

1. Rush

The classic case of a libertarian band is Rush, whose influence and popularity is hard to overstate.  Rush are prog-rock royalty.  It’s hard to believe that their immense, progressive sound and musical virtuosity is produced by a mere three men.

Not only has Rush’s 40 year career made them a highly venerated rock band in general, but the main lyricist and octopus drummer, Neil Peart, was often inspired by the great classical liberal novelist, philosopher, and left-wing punching bag Ayn Rand.  That fact is apparent on several Rush songs such as The Trees (an allegory of smaller trees complaining about larger trees simply for being larger and hogging all the light), A Farewell to Kings (fairly self-explanatory), 2112 (an epic story of a dystopian future of absolute rule), Anthem (the same title as a Rand novella), and the hit Tom Sawyer (paints a picture of a rugged, Randian individualist).

2. Muse

The British-born Muse is one of the freshest, most popular art rock bands making music today.  They share several things with Rush: the same band member count, a mono-syllabic quadruple character name, as well as an affinity for “progressive” song-writing.  In addition, Muse adds a healthy dose of piano, synthesizer, pop-style melodies, and Black Sabbath-esque metal/hard rock guitar riffs.

Muse lyrics tend to be highly skeptical and critical of the established powers.  Lead singer Matthew Bellamy likes Henry George (a sort of Marxist on land-ownership, but libertarian on everything else) and “left-libertarianism”.

Looking at their music catalog, a non-aggression principle fan could find plenty with which to identify.  The 2006 album “Black Holes and Revelations” opens with a not-so-subtle attack on a political figure entitled Take a Bow.  Others like Exo-Politics, Assassin, and Knights of Cydonia have subversive/individual liberty themes.

The political rebellion increases on subsequent albums the Resistance and the 2nd Law (see the Uprising, Resistance, and Supremacy).

When we finally come to the album Drones in 2015, the civil disobedience is at fever pitch.  The album’s theme “drones” applies not only to the controversial unmanned aircraft used by the US military, but also to the idea that the average citizen or soldier could become an unthinking shell, doing whatever they’re told.  See songs like Reapers and Psycho.

3. The Kinks

You may be thinking, The Kinks?  The “You Really Got Me” band from the 60s?  That’s right, the Kinks.  It’s a little known fact that “You Really Got Me” is a subtle ode to overzealous police arrests.  While that is actually not true at all, there is a lot more to the Kinks than their biggest hit.

Much of the Kinks’ catalog is in fact dedicated to decrying the initiation of force, the welfare state, clandestine spying, or other big government woes.  There is perhaps no better example of this than “20th Century Man” on the 1971 album Muswell Hillbillies. Front-man and songwriter Ray Davies sings:

I was born in a welfare state fueled by bureaucracy

Controlled by civil servants and people dressed in grey

Got no privacy, got no liberty

‘Cause the 20th century people took it all away from me

And this was 1971.  Oh Ray, if you could see us now.  Actually, he can.  He is still living and still making music.  Hm, funny.  Anyway, there are some other libertarian gems on Muswell Hillbillies such as Acute Schizophrenia Paranoia Blues, where Ray’s paranoia causes him to worry greatly – about things that are kinda true; and Here Come the People In Grey, a tribute to intrusive government workers.

Some other standout tracks from the Kinks on this subject would be:

Brainwashed, sung to a retired World War I vet who has grown dependent on and trusting of the powers that be

Some Mother’s Son, a beautiful, tragic ballad about men dying in war

Live Life, an exhortation to keep cool and do your own thing in spite of political upheaval and media sensationalism

Got To Be Free, an expression of longing to, well, be free

4. BackWordz

Though BackWordz is the newest band on this list, they are probably also the most outspoken and plainly libertarian.  Their mission is a sort of libertarian evangelization through the vehicle of Linkin Park-esque metal drenched in hip hop.  They are no joke, as their debut album “Veracity” charted at number 2 on the Billboard Heatseekers chart.  This is remarkable for a couple reasons. The first is the fact they are an independent artist with no major label backing.  Another reason is that they are not the typical anger-infused, chest-beating hard rock band – as a sampling of their song titles shows:

Individualism, railing against collectivism and affirming the right of secession

Self-Ownership, criticizing the idea that the State can save us

Praxeology, a term developed by libertarian super-hero Ludwig von Mises, is the study of human action – has any rock band ever had Ludwig von Mises as the subject of a song?

Statism says: “I’m on a life mission to abolish all the government”

Democracy Sucks, the title says it all

One of the most radical bands to come out in a while, I look forward to seeing where BackWordz goes.  They have potential to hugely expand their audience with their high-quality production and song-writing.  Let the songs get a listener’s blood pumping first and once the lyrics start the sink in, perhaps some minds can be changed.

5. Alice Cooper

Alice Cooper is the father (not mother) of shock rock.  As his band was developing in the late 60s, Alice says:

…it was quite obvious that rock was full of idols and heroes, but there were no villains. I couldn’t find a villain in the bunch. I thought, ‘If nobody wants to play Captain Hook, I do!’

Not only did Alice Cooper cause parents with conservative values heartburn about his affinity for rebellion, horror film lore, and a creepy stage show, he might well also cause statists alarm.

He has an anti-political streak and says

I hate politics with a passion…I know people incorporate politics into rock n’ roll – and I think that the antithesis of rock n’ roll is politics. That would be like me singing the Dow Jones report.

He elsewhere says:

“If you’re listening to a rock star in order to get your information on who to vote for, you’re a bigger moron than they are. Why are we rock stars? Because we’re morons. We sleep all day, we play music at night and very rarely do we sit around reading the Washington Journal.”

(Note: it’s a separate question whether or not the Washington Journal contains good ideas.)  Not only does he want his music free of politics, but he has several gems that outright attack and lampoon politicians and the whole process.  His latest album “Paranormal” especially has some politically skeptical tracks, something any libertarian could appreciate.  Some standout songs would be:

Elected, about a pompous spotlight-phile running for office

Rats, could be how the elites and rulers see the populace

Lock Me Up, a taunt to those who don’t like what Alice has to say: “You can take my head and cut it off but you ain’t gonna change my mind”

Freedom, an anti-authority anthem for freedom of expression

Private Public Breakdown, about a politician who has lost his grip of reality (soooo, all politicians; Alice possibly has Donald Trump in mind)

6. The Interrupters

Remember the late 90s?  The Mighty Mighty Bosstones were skanking all over the radio, welfare reform had been achieved, and the President of the US declared that the era of big government was over.  Congress actually passed a “balanced” budget. The correlation between ska/punk and smaller government is undeniable.  Now, that connection has reemerged in the form of the female-fronted punk band, the Interrupters.

There is a very real chance that the Interrupters have a Ron Paul sticker somewhere on their gear, because their front woman, Aimee Allen, actually wrote Ron Paul’s presidential campaign song.  As you’d expect from someone with such good taste in candidates, many of the Interrupters songs center on the ideas of liberty.

Not only are the lyrics libertarian-friendly, but the songs are just plain good songs.  Chuck Berry style guitar leads overlay no-frills punk rock songwriting with rich vocal harmonies.  The melodies and progressions are so catchy, the only way your foot won’t be tapping along is if it is tied down by some oppressive police state.  Some of my favorites are:

Liberty, a pretty straightforward lament about the rights we are losing

Babylon, uses biblical imagery, encouraging listeners to “rebel against the kings of Babylon” – even mentions money-printing to the delight of Austrians everywhere

Can’t Be Trusted, celebrating the reasons for us not to trust the authorities

Take Back the Power, a pretty transparent message

Outrage, about the tendency of people nowadays to be constantly outraged about something, anything

7. Megadeth

One of the “Big Four” in thrash metal, Megadeth are heavy metal titans who have been head-banging since 1983.  Heavy metal is a genre whose imagery is rife with libertarian sympathies: oppressive tyrants, bloody warfare, rebellion against the ruling powers, and on and on.  Megadeth takes the prize for anti-state themes in their songs, in spite of frontman and former Rick Santorum endorser Dave Mustaine being politically nonsensical sometimes. (They also take the prize for “Band Name Most Likely Created By A Middle Schooler.”)  If we can look past the Santorum misstep, Dave comes sort of close to embracing libertarianism: “I probably [am] a lot more along the lines of what a Libertarian is”.

The title track of “Peace Sells…But Who’s Buying?” is a metal classic, and although it comes short of chucking the whole state apparatus, it raises some pertinent questions:

What do you mean I couldn’t be the president of the United States of America?  Tell me something.  It’s still “We the people” RIGHT?

Holy Wars decries wars of religion in which “brother kills brother.”  Symphony of Destruction chillingly warns of giving a dictator absolute control:

Take a mortal man, put him in control.  Watch him become a god, watch peoples’ heads-a-roll.

Dave and co. have really nailed it, though, on their most recent Grammy-winning album, Dystopia.  Track after track describe a tyrannical government coupled with a decaying society.  In addition, it’s right up there with Megadeth’s best albums.  The title track is about what you’d think, and includes the line “What you don’t know, the legend goes, can’t hurt you.  If you only want to live and die in a cage.”  Perhaps my favorite is The Emperor, a snarling punk outcry against the man in charge, pointing out what should be obvious (no clothes).

8. NOFX

Finding a punk band that appreciates private property is tough.  There are many who are great on criticizing the U.S. war machine (Anti-Flag, Bad Religion) or presidents with the last name Bush (Green Day).  These are noble things to be sure.  Sadly, there just are not any major punk bands that haven’t drunk the socialist Kool Aid (red Kool Aid, presumably).  NOFX is not too different in that respect.  However, they are right on several key issues: foreign policy (see We March To The Beat Of Indifferent Drum), freedom of expression (see Separation of Church and Skate), and freedom of speech (see Freedumb).  What sets NOFX over the top is their tribute to actual real libertarianism, The Plan.  In it they sing:

Call us libertarian, cause we do as we please Don’t need fear, or force, or farce to know morality Morals aren’t a substance you can shove in someone’s ear They’re basically a byproduct of, a mind thinking clear

Having come up in the 90s, it’s also refreshing that they don’t appear to buy into today’s identity politics.  Their songs are littered with rude, locker room humor, and they poke fun at all sorts of different demographics.  While this may cause some to take offense, at least NOFX do not advocate locking people in prison just for speaking.  Indeed, if the Social Justice Warriors ever take over (Lord, please no), expect to see NOFX albums at the top of the burn pile.

9. Thrice

Thrice has wandered the back alleys between the “metalcore”, “post-hardcore”, and “indie rock” sub-genres since 1998, and still going strong at the time of this writing. In a Thrice song, you can’t be sure if you might hear screaming, beautiful singing, acoustic guitar, keyboards, or face melting metal licks.  Themes of personal brokenness, relational challenges, theology, social evils, and distrust of the status quo fill lyricist/frontman Dustin Kensrue’s lyrics.  Kensrue doesn’t seem to embrace a particular political ideology, but admits “I would align with a fair amount of Libertarian stuff at times.”

You may be able to guess this from songs like “Blood on the Sand“, a condemnation of the US wars in the Middle East or “Under a Killing Moon“, a song about totalitarian leadership in search of “witches to burn.”  “Doublespeak” examines the tendency of people to not want to know the truth about “who pulls the strings.”  “Black Honey” shows the folly and futility of wars in the Middle East, comparing the US government to someone slapping a swarm of bees and wondering why they get stung.  “The Earth Will Shake” is an awesome, skull-pounding chain-gang spiritual about prisoners longing for freedom – and if the earthquake doesn’t topple the prison walls, this song will.

10. Bob Dylan

It would probably be folly to label Bob Dylan “libertarian,” as he is generally impossible to label. Dylan has unquestionably shaped popular music since the 60s.  A few years after he started playing folk, he exchanged his acoustic guitar for an electric guitar and started accompanying his beautiful, poetic, cryptic lyrics with rock music.  Outrage from many of his folk fans followed.  However, having heard this new sound, it occurred to the Beatles and every other rock band at the time that their songs didn’t have to all be about puppy love.  Dylan has taken so many forked roads in his career that no one (and perhaps not even he) can guess where he will go next.

Maybe it’s that whole “I do what I want” attitude that contributes to the streaks of liberty found in many of his songs.  Though his protest songs from the 60s are usually associated with the left, which was doing most of the protesting, libertarians can still latch on to:

Masters of War, a bleak condemnation of war profiteers

With God on Our Side, exposes the inconsistency of how cultures justify war, and who we choose for enemies and allies

Blowin’ in the Wind, his classic, hit song that asks questions like “How many roads must a man walk down before you call him a man?” and “How many deaths will it take ’til he knows that too many people have died?”

Rainy Day Women #12 & 35, a lament about how people often want to “stone you” for minding your own business and doing your own thing

Man of Peace, a scathing blast at politicians and people in power: “Sometimes Satan comes as a man of peace.”

I Shall Be Released, a beautiful folk/gospel ballad of a prisoner looking forward in hope to his freedom

Honorable Mentions

It’s a good thing that not all of the contenders would fit in a group of 10 – we need more libertarian artists!  So here are some honorable mentions:

LEAH, an independent artist who plays fantasy/celtic influenced metal.  She has a few songs that hint at her own personal beliefs, which are libertarian.

Tatiana Moroz is a singer/songwriter with a beautiful voice who worked with the Ron Paul presidential campaigns and is active in the cryptocurrency community.

Jordan Page is a singer/songwriter who campaigned with Ron Paul.  A hard rock sound and solid, liberty-themed lyrics.

Anti-Flag is a politically radical punk band – great on anti-war and government oppression themes, but not so great on private property.  Check out “Die For Your Government” or “911 For Peace.”

Incubus is a massively popular alternative rock band who rose to fame in the 90s.  Song themes include hubris in political leaders and thinking for yourself.

Thrash metal is back, and Havok brings the liberty message along with copious amounts of hair banging around.  Give a listen to “Give Me Liberty…Or Give Me Death.”

My ego is not so great that I would dream of being near the top 10, but if you’d like to check out my own libertarian music, my song “Send In The Tanks” could be a good start.

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Who says you are mising out? People you follow online?

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Who says you are mising out? People you follow online?

How Social Media Creates a Fear of Missing Out (And What To Do About It)

personalexcellence.co

"FOMO — or the fear of missing out — has become a pattern in today’s world. We are constantly on our phones, glued to social media feeds and checking what other people are up to. The more updates we see, the more anxious we feel. We see people living this exciting life, achieving this new… The post How Social Media Creates a Fear of Missing Out (And What To Do About It) appeared first on Personal Excellence. " https://personalexcellence.co/podcast/fomo/

Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make

Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment. 

    Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad? 

  5 Simple Ways To Be Happier

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"What is the one thing we all want? To be happier. As surprising as it sounds, achieving it isn’t so difficult. Don’t believe us? Read on to find out. Here are 5, simple, actionable tips to inculcate to become a happier version of yourself! 1. Get some exercise  Source – http://yourmedguide.com A point we have been trying …" http://yourdost.com/blog/2017/06/5-simple-ways-to-be-happier.html

There are no guarantees.

  You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness. Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned. Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness. Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent.  There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations. 

  Wrong decisions are always at hindsight.

  Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong. 

  Take the risk: decide.

  Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveller or an accidental tourist of life.  But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of life’s crossroads:

· Get as many information as you can about your situation.

  “Happiness Is Not Something You Can Measure Against Others.”

gretchenrubin.com

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  You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 W’s: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation. 

  · Identify and create options.

  What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

  · Weigh the pros and cons of every option.

  Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

  · Trust yourself and make that decision.

  Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight.  So choose… decide… believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.

  Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.

[sunbus45-blog]

Tips for Cooking in a Tiny Kitchen

When I started Budget Bytes I lived in a tiny apartment with an equally tiny kitchen, that had only about 12-inches of counter space. The apartment was built in the 30’s and I always wondered how, in a time when people cooked at home far more than they do now, they were able to make do with so little workspace, especially without a dishwasher! Well, I’m here to tell you that it can be done. You don’t need a gigantic gourmet kitchen to pump out delicious meals, you just need to plan, stay organized, and improvise. So for all of you struggling with cooking in a tiny kitchen, here are my tips that helped me survive my small space. #thestruggleisreal

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Plan

Stay on top of your inventory. You may have heard me say before, “shop your pantry before you shop the store.” Always staying aware of what you have on hand and using those ingredients first helps keep your “inventory” low and reduces the need for storage space (in addition to the obvious benefits of keeping your grocery costs low and reducing waste). Take regular inventory of your ingredients, cook from what you have on hand as much as possible, and buy only what you need and when you need it.

Cook one-pot, sheet pan, or skillet meals. These simple all-in-one style recipes will cut down on the number of dishes you have to clean and the amount of activity you have going on in the kitchen while you cook. Keeping it simple is key in a small space. Check out my One Pot Meal recipe category for ideas.

Pictured above: Southwest Chicken Skillet

Make a game plan for cooking. Before you begin cooking, run through the directions for your recipe(s) in your head to make sure you won’t need your limited workspace for two things at one time. If you have a sheet pan coming out of the oven, you need a place to put it as it cools. If you’re draining pasta in a colander in the sink, make sure you’ll have space in the sink available. You don’t want to be dancing around your kitchen with a hot pot in hand and no where to set it down!

Organize

Limit your tools, equipment, and appliances. I’m a huge advocate for keeping it simple in the kitchen, using only very basic kitchen tools, and focusing on multipurpose kitchen equipment. A basic chef’s knife can accomplish hundreds of tasks, while a banana slicer can only do one. A Dutch oven can act as both a soup pot and a roasting pan. A simple cheese grater can shred not only cheese, but a variety of vegetables, frozen butter (for making pastry), or even quickly remove the zest from citrus. Stay away from single use tools and go for the tried and true classic kitchen tools. Here is a list of the basic kitchen equipment that I find most valuable.

Mise en place (prep first). Since you’ll likely be using your workspace for multiple purposes throughout the cooking process, it can help to do all your chopping, measuring, and prepping before you actually begin cooking. This way you can go as slow as needed and use your one work space for one task at a time, instead of frantically trying to multitask while the heat is on.

Clean as you go. Dishes can pile up fast as you cook and quickly encroach on the prep area in your tiny kitchen. Take every spare minute you have to clean a dish or utensil, or put away an ingredient. Instead of watching the pot as you wait for it to boil, clear away a few items. Have something baking in the oven? Put away everything that has already been used. As an added bonus, cleanup after cooking is so much less daunting if half of it has been already been done in small increments along the way. You may have to build this habit over time, but it’s SO worth the effort.

Invest in nesting bowls, pots and pans, and containers. Say goodbye to the chaos of random containers in your cabinet whose lids have long been lost. Invest in nesting items so components don’t get lost, you save cabinet space, and your kitchen appears clean and decluttered. Yes, they even make pots and pans specifically designed to nest now! Yay!

Improvise

Think outside the kitchen. If you have a dining room, dinette, or some other small table and chair set near the kitchen, make use of it! Have yourself a seat and chop away, my friend. Have a closet in another room that isn’t being used to its fullest? Take advantage and make it do double duty for extra pantry items. Just pretend your whole apartment is a giant kitchen (that also happens to have a sofa and bed). ;)

Transform your sink or stove top into a prep surface. This was probably my most common technique when I had a tiny kitchen and limited counter space. Place a large cutting board over your burners or straddling your sink and use it as a prep surface. Just be extra careful that the board is sitting even and is stable. There are even cutting boards specifically designed to straddle the sink or cover the burners on your stove top.

Try a mobile kitchen cart. Another great way to get extra prep space is to use a kitchen cart. You can wheel that mobile prep surface in and out of the kitchen as needed and most have lower shelves for extra storage, or even hooks on the side for hanging utensils. Some are even collapsable!

Utilize wall space and the inside of cabinet doors. Got empty walls? Line up removable hooks on your walls to hang lightweight objects like cooking utensils, measuring cups and spoons, kitchen towels, etc. If you’re handy, install stronger hooks with drywall anchors to hang heavy items like pots and pans. This Buzzfeed article is probably the best round up of ways to add storage in a small space that I’ve ever seen, so check it out for clever ways to add storage to the inside of cabinets and empty wall space.

What are your favorite tips for cooking in a small kitchen? Share them in the comments below to help your fellow tiny home dwellers! :)

Source: https://www.budgetbytes.com/tips-for-cooking-in-a-tiny-kitchen/

[badgerkick0-blog]

Tips for Cooking in a Tiny Kitchen

When I started Budget Bytes I lived in a tiny apartment with an equally tiny kitchen, that had only about 12-inches of counter space. The apartment was built in the 30’s and I always wondered how, in a time when people cooked at home far more than they do now, they were able to make do with so little workspace, especially without a dishwasher! Well, I’m here to tell you that it can be done. You don’t need a gigantic gourmet kitchen to pump out delicious meals, you just need to plan, stay organized, and improvise. So for all of you struggling with cooking in a tiny kitchen, here are my tips that helped me survive my small space. #thestruggleisreal

This post may contain affiliate links which won’t change your price but will share some commission.

Plan

Stay on top of your inventory. You may have heard me say before, “shop your pantry before you shop the store.” Always staying aware of what you have on hand and using those ingredients first helps keep your “inventory” low and reduces the need for storage space (in addition to the obvious benefits of keeping your grocery costs low and reducing waste). Take regular inventory of your ingredients, cook from what you have on hand as much as possible, and buy only what you need and when you need it.

Cook one-pot, sheet pan, or skillet meals. These simple all-in-one style recipes will cut down on the number of dishes you have to clean and the amount of activity you have going on in the kitchen while you cook. Keeping it simple is key in a small space. Check out my One Pot Meal recipe category for ideas.

Pictured above: Southwest Chicken Skillet

Make a game plan for cooking. Before you begin cooking, run through the directions for your recipe(s) in your head to make sure you won’t need your limited workspace for two things at one time. If you have a sheet pan coming out of the oven, you need a place to put it as it cools. If you’re draining pasta in a colander in the sink, make sure you’ll have space in the sink available. You don’t want to be dancing around your kitchen with a hot pot in hand and no where to set it down!

Organize

Limit your tools, equipment, and appliances. I’m a huge advocate for keeping it simple in the kitchen, using only very basic kitchen tools, and focusing on multipurpose kitchen equipment. A basic chef’s knife can accomplish hundreds of tasks, while a banana slicer can only do one. A Dutch oven can act as both a soup pot and a roasting pan. A simple cheese grater can shred not only cheese, but a variety of vegetables, frozen butter (for making pastry), or even quickly remove the zest from citrus. Stay away from single use tools and go for the tried and true classic kitchen tools. Here is a list of the basic kitchen equipment that I find most valuable.

Mise en place (prep first). Since you’ll likely be using your workspace for multiple purposes throughout the cooking process, it can help to do all your chopping, measuring, and prepping before you actually begin cooking. This way you can go as slow as needed and use your one work space for one task at a time, instead of frantically trying to multitask while the heat is on.

Clean as you go. Dishes can pile up fast as you cook and quickly encroach on the prep area in your tiny kitchen. Take every spare minute you have to clean a dish or utensil, or put away an ingredient. Instead of watching the pot as you wait for it to boil, clear away a few items. Have something baking in the oven? Put away everything that has already been used. As an added bonus, cleanup after cooking is so much less daunting if half of it has been already been done in small increments along the way. You may have to build this habit over time, but it’s SO worth the effort.

Invest in nesting bowls, pots and pans, and containers. Say goodbye to the chaos of random containers in your cabinet whose lids have long been lost. Invest in nesting items so components don’t get lost, you save cabinet space, and your kitchen appears clean and decluttered. Yes, they even make pots and pans specifically designed to nest now! Yay!

Improvise

Think outside the kitchen. If you have a dining room, dinette, or some other small table and chair set near the kitchen, make use of it! Have yourself a seat and chop away, my friend. Have a closet in another room that isn’t being used to its fullest? Take advantage and make it do double duty for extra pantry items. Just pretend your whole apartment is a giant kitchen (that also happens to have a sofa and bed). ;)

Transform your sink or stove top into a prep surface. This was probably my most common technique when I had a tiny kitchen and limited counter space. Place a large cutting board over your burners or straddling your sink and use it as a prep surface. Just be extra careful that the board is sitting even and is stable. There are even cutting boards specifically designed to straddle the sink or cover the burners on your stove top.

Try a mobile kitchen cart. Another great way to get extra prep space is to use a kitchen cart. You can wheel that mobile prep surface in and out of the kitchen as needed and most have lower shelves for extra storage, or even hooks on the side for hanging utensils. Some are even collapsable!

Utilize wall space and the inside of cabinet doors. Got empty walls? Line up removable hooks on your walls to hang lightweight objects like cooking utensils, measuring cups and spoons, kitchen towels, etc. If you’re handy, install stronger hooks with drywall anchors to hang heavy items like pots and pans. This Buzzfeed article is probably the best round up of ways to add storage in a small space that I’ve ever seen, so check it out for clever ways to add storage to the inside of cabinets and empty wall space.

What are your favorite tips for cooking in a small kitchen? Share them in the comments below to help your fellow tiny home dwellers! :)

Source: https://www.budgetbytes.com/tips-for-cooking-in-a-tiny-kitchen/

[chrissyrholmes]

Tips for Increasing Your Creative Output

As a creative, no matter how expert you are at your craft, there will be times when you’re not producing as much as you could – and you know it. Our lives are filled with millions of distractions these days and it’s easy to get into the habit of following inefficient processes that make it hard to be productive.

And, ironically enough, our best tool is the same thing that creates the biggest obstacle to our creative flow: the computer.

As designers, we have to spend hours in front of screens, but studies show it’s not great for our health and overall wellbeing. After a number of sleepless nights, a bout of carpal tunnel, and frequent migraines, I decided to see if there was a way to fulfill my desire to create – but with more time spent away from the screen.

So here’s what I found. These research-backed steps will help you create the structure you need to produce far more creative work in less time – and feel amazing doing it.

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Make the Choice

The first step in fixing any problem is awareness that it’s actually a problem. And the second step? Making the choice to correct it. Deciding to spend less time in front of a screen and actually get more done might mean seriously revamping the entire structure of your day – not an easy challenge to face.

You might be addicted to the feeling of busyness that you get from sitting in front of a screen all day. If you’re really committed to more creative output, it’s time to make a change.

Have a Process

As creatives, we tend to work based on our our shifting flows of energy and inspiration. But while this might be a nice, romanticized notion of the creative process, professionals know it’s not the best way to get sh*t done.

Let’s be clear: the difference between a professional and an amateur is process.

Everyone essentially has two brains fighting for control: One that thrives on process, and the other that thrives on distraction. Tim Urban calls them the “rational decision maker” and the “instant gratification monkey” in his TED Talk, “Inside the Mind of Master Procrastinator.”

The instant gratification monkey in your brain will convince you that getting distracted for eight hours on Dribble counts as productivity. Don’t be fooled. Use process to corral that monkey energy into your creative genius.

Mise en Place

I learned the practice of mise en place while working as a chef, and implementing it into my creative process has dramatically increased my output. Before any chef starts to cook, they gather all of the ingredients and tools they will need to prepare the meal around them. By bringing them close, the tools work almost like an extension of their own arm as they cook.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve been immersed in a design, only to have my laptop run out of power – or have a great brainstorm session come to a halt because I ran out of Post-Its.

So prepare like a chef. Take five minutes to set up your workspace before you sit down for your next design session. Think about things like charging your laptop, opening all of the programs you need, sharpening pencils, and placing paper, Post-Its, and other supplies nearby.

Pencils Before Pixels

When it comes to efficiency in design, I believe the pencil is mightier than the pixel. While many designers swear by software to flesh out their ideas, I ideate and prototype using pencil and paper for as long as possible. That’s because no matter how many Photoshop shortcuts you know, you’ll never be able to ideate faster than you can with a simple pencil and paper.

The simpler the tool, the quicker you work – and the more rapidly you can get your ideas down. What’s more, starting work on pencil and paper means you can start showing your ideas to customers as quickly as possible.

Because feedback is such an essential part of design, the sooner (and more frequently) you get it, the better your work will become. Validating your ideas before transitioning to the screen is the best way to ensure your product fits your market – and you keep screen time to a minimum.

Turn Off Distractions

A study done at UC Irvine showed that the average worker is distracted every 11 minutes, and that it takes 25 minutes to return full focus to the original task after an interruption.

From social media notifications flooding our every device, to emails pouring in and the latest and most interesting information just a click away on your favorite (distracting) websites, we are constantly encountering distractions throughout our “productive” workdays. If you are truly committed to living up to your most productive potential, it’s time to turn off the distractions – or at least start asking some very important questions about them.

Start with this process of questioning the various online tools you use on a daily basis: What is it? Why is it useful? How much time do I need to spend on it?

Once you’ve determined exactly what these sites are giving to you – and what they’re taking away – it’s time to make decisions about which ones you can truly shut off during your work day.

If you need a little bit of help cutting out the noise, try RescueTime to see where you’re spending your time, Social Fixer to filter your Facebook newsfeed, or the Kill Newsfeed extension to get rid of it all together.

Timebox

The Pomodoro technique is a research-backed time-boxing tool that has helped thousands of people ensure they’re using their time in the most productive way.

Studies have shown that our attention span dwindles around the 40 minute mark – yet so many people push and struggle through this natural ebb in focus.

The Pomodoro technique encourages you take a short (emphasis on the short) break every 25 or 50 minutes. The idea is that the break lets you naturally re-energize your brain and body to keep producing great work over a sustained period.

Embrace “Smartcuts”

While taking shortcuts in design can get you into trouble, smartcuts include any tool, method, or resource that helps you design more quickly. Every designer has their own preferred set of smartcuts, which might include app-specific keyboard shortcuts, design patterns and color palettes, icon collections, sketch plugins, and more.

The idea behind a smartcut is that you don’t need to reinvent the wheel when you sit down to design. From utilising existing design patterns to icon libraries, embracing the design sprint methodology to learning keyboard shortcuts, there are so many processes that have been specifically designed to save you time and make your job as a designer easier!

So every time you find yourself doing a repeatable process, stop and see how you can either systemize it yourself to save time, or find an app that already systemizes that for you.

Putting it all into Action

Many creatives resist the idea of systems and structure, claiming that these “left-brained” tools will impinge on their intuitive flow and freedom. But the truth is, we need these structures to allow the freedom and flow to happen within them. All of these tools set the stage for our most creative energies to pour forth in their fullest expression.

Keep in mind that you can always take what works and leave what doesn’t – one method isn’t meant to work for everyone, and creatives in particular need to find their best fit. But whichever strategies you decide to try, they’ll help you reclaim your creative energy and harness it into producing your best work.

from Web Designing https://1stwebdesigner.com/research-backed-tips-creative-output/

[republicstandard]

#MarchForOurLives Advances Globalist Tyranny Through Gun Control

On March 24th, a coordinated series of protests under the hashtag #MarchForOurLives took to the streets in Washington, DC and other U.S. cities to demand the infringement of our Second Amendment rights, spurred on by a solitary incident in Florida that, though heart-breaking and tragic, had no wider implications other than the abject failure of government from the federal level on down, which is basically par for the course.

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Well, it would seem to represent nothing more than the fact that government is hopelessly incompetent, but several of the Stoneman Douglas High School students killed were Jews, as was one of the teachers; over 40% of the student body is Jewish. Plus, Parkland, Florida, which one rabbi tells us is;

“a small community where nearly half the population is Jewish,”

Parkland is also incredibly affluent. Could this have something to do with the fact that this is being framed in no small part as an explicitly “Jewish issue” in addition to being a blight on our humanity?

According to Natalie Lifson of Haaretz, the shooter, Nikolas de Jesus Cruz, had a “well-documented hatred of Jews.” She goes on to frame the shooting as an “anti-Semitic attack” but it was no more an anti-Semitic attack than Stephen Paddock’s Las Vegas slaughter was anti-white; how does Lifson respond to the fact that the Stoneman Douglas shooter was also Jewish? She doesn’t. She does go on to wail:

Ironically, the erasure of the Jewish aspect of Cruz’s massacre continues. The memorial for the dead students and teachers, located at Pine Trails Park, consists of 17 crosses, one to represent each of the dead. It is pretty tone-deaf to “honor” Jewish students in death with symbols of another faith.

More importantly, in assessing the March For Our Lives, Lifson happily notes:

It’s good to hear that the march has targeted not only guns but the intersection between bigotry and gun violence; that dangerous, racist ideas that cause people to view other people as subhuman are primarily at fault.

Watching the Jewish kids from #Parkland make change, hand-in-hand with their brothers and sisters from black communities, ravaged by gun violence for decades: this solidarity & love trumps any manufactured hatred & misunderstanding #JewsDemandAction

— Stefanie Iris Weiss🌹 (@EcoSexuality) March 24, 2018

Ah, there it is. In viewing Cruz’s slaughter as an extension of “racist ideas,” there is the explicit acknowledgement that Judaism is a separate, distinct race, though bound up in the reductive analysis of “racism” and “hate” from the fourth-grade intellect that is Natalie Lifson is the contradiction of a Hispanic Jew killing other Hispanics and Jews as racism, unless of course, she views Cruz as acting out a distaste for whites, mulattoes, and Asians while simultaneously being a self-loathing Jew. Lifson’s entire argument makes no sense unless viewed through an ideological prism. As Jim Goad says,

“I don’t know what the Jewish Question is, but I’m pretty sure the answer is ‘anti-Semitism.’”

Also trending on Twitter on the 24th was the March’s related hashtag #JewsDemandAction.

Rabbi David Steinhardt wrote:

This is the time for a call to action. I am angry that this country, supposedly an advanced civilized place, has not been able to pass proper legislation for sane and reasonable gun control. Seventy-nine percent of our citizens oppose the sale of automatic weapons like the one used [in the shooting], and yet our legislators have failed to act. WE ALL KNOW WHY. To a large degree, it is because of the power of the NRA’s congressional lobby. This must be called out again and again. Please check out the amount of money given to our political ‘leaders’ by the National Rifle Association. One of our senators, Marco Rubio, has received over 3.3 million dollars in campaign gifts from the NRA. How will he vote on different aspects of gun legislation? We see his history. Is it a surprise? Emphatically, NO.

#JewsDemandAction for universal background checks, bans on assault weapons & high capacity ammunition magazines. We will NOT stand idly by. Following the lead of our @NFTY teens, we’re taking action today, tomorrow, and every day until we end gun violence. #MarchForOurLives pic.twitter.com/aH66NbC9CB

— The RAC (@TheRAC) March 24, 2018

Aside from the fact that the “automatic weapon” in question was not automatic, the NRA-as-villain trope is extremely disingenuous, especially since most of its endowment is from dues-paying members, unlike the March For Our Lives sponsoring organization Everytown for Gun Safety, founded and primarily financed by Jewish billionaire Michael Bloomberg. Bloomberg, incidentally, has some very interesting views on minorities and firearms:

"Cities need to get guns out of the hands of…male, minority, and between the ages of 15 and 25 [individuals]…95 percent of all murders fall into this category…[They] think they’re going to get killed anyway because all their friends are getting killed…It’s a joke to pull the trigger."

I’m not being flippant—that literally sounds like someone on the Alt-Right. I’ve actually heard quite a few Alt-Right commentators voice this idea. That aside, returning to Rabbi Steinhardt’s framing of the NRA as this all-powerful machine that controls the politicians under its sway like gun-mad marionettes, it’s important to keep in mind that the NRA really does not have the kinds of resources at its disposal that the media machine would have people believe. Its endowment is $75 million, whereas the Anti-Defamation League (which “fights anti-Semitism and hate”) has a $144 million endowment, and the Southern Poverty Law Center has a $319 million endowment!

Thanks to @MaxineWaters for meeting with us. I’m here with @TheRAC and 300+ #RACLTaken teens to demand that Congress end it’s shameful inaction on gun violence. How many more lives must be lost before we act? #JewsDemandAction pic.twitter.com/bSS6veUv8s

— lexie (@lexkorks) March 21, 2018

Yet the NRA, which advocates for protecting our Constitutional freedoms, is framed as the bad guy, and the ADL and SPLC, which advocate for infringements on our rights, are somehow quoted word-for-word in press release materials as unquestioned moral authorities on all issues pertaining to “hate.” What does gun control have to do with Southern poverty? We now know what it has to do with anti-Semitism courtesy of Natalie Lifson, but where in either group’s mission statement does abridging fundamental human rights and supplanting them with “human rights” of the Bernie Sanders variety—himself a kind of carpet-bagger in Yankee Vermont with his particular Midwood, Brooklyn, New York sensibilities—occur?

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The Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC) paints a grim picture of Americans who support a constitutional amendment, calling them, at turns;

“radical,” “combustible,” “Second Amendment Vigilantes,” “isolated, unbalanced, and gun-toting men with scores to settle,”

And a slew of other labels with no factual substantiation. The fact that we are at a point in our nation’s history where supporting the Bill of Rights has become a radical position is nothing short of terrifying, and as whites become a minority and a greater percentage of college-indoctrinated youth come to believe in concepts such as “gun control” and “hate speech,” we are, to be blunt, doomed. The SPLC referred to the Ludwig von Mises Institute as “neo-Confederate adjacent with neo-fascist sympathies,” and they’ve used the Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon to tie anyone from Murray Rothbard to Stefan Molyneux to the Ku Klux Klan.

#JewsDemandAction meanwhile in Israel..... #MarchForOurLives pic.twitter.com/kkLf18jOqU

— Costanza Groyper (@CostanzaGeorgie) March 24, 2018

The Daily Caller is tarred as “white nationalist friendly” because of Charlottesville or something. The level of intellectual dishonesty with these people is appalling, but it is not shocking. There is a very clear agenda at work here, and it is to silence all dissent to demographic displacement and, even more importantly, prevent anyone anywhere from ever noticing certain patterns of behavior. John Derbyshire writes “racist screeds” (I wonder how his mixed-race children feel about the fact that their father is a racist), “hate website” VDare.com is a “major hub for white nationalists and anti-Semites” (once again, no substantiation to the claim), and American Renaissance is “overtly white supremacist.” I’m not a litigious sort, but I am positive these claims are grounds for libel.

YouTube relies on the SPLC to flag videos that are deemed to have offensive content, which explains why any videos even tangentially related to guns—from weapons maintenance to firing exhibitions to product reviews—have been removed. They approach “gun control” with almost the same vehemence that they approach the curtailment of freedom of speech! The SPLC includes under its definition of Holocaust Denial the “minimization of its extent.” This is, obviously not denial in any way, but much like they and their kindred spirits at the ADL’s premise of “fighting hate,” it is an Orwellian construction. Hate is an emotion, not subject to rationality or reason. It is also, consequently, highly subjective. Simply by pointing out the fact that we only have a documented death toll of 2.4 million Jews as of June 1943 and everything after that is conjecture is Holocaust Denial (proper noun of course) and would find me subject to fines and/or imprisonment in a slew of Western countries.

At least the ADL is explicit about its mission to “stop the defamation of the Jewish people” (presumably at any cost); the SPLC is much more discreet with its motives, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t pursuing ideological warfare. What do the SPLC’s Jewish Co-Founder and Board Emeritus member Joseph Levin, Jewish President J. Richard Cohen, Jewish Legal Director Rhonda Brownstein, Jewish Director of the Southeast Immigrant Freedom Initiative Dan Werner, Jewish Intelligence Project Director Heidi Beirich, Jewish “Teaching Tolerance” Director Maureen Costello, Jewish Deputy Legal Director (Children’s Rights) Zoe Savitsky, Jewish Director of Florida Initiatives David J. Utter, Jewish Director of Educational Advocacy Jerri Katzerman, Jewish Managing Editor Sean Price, Jewish Curriculum Design Manager Thomas Ronk, Jewish Staff Attorney for the LGBT Rights Project Samuel Wolfe, Jewish Director of the Juvenile Justice Policy Group Danielle J. Lipow, Jewish General Counsel Attorney Jim Knoepp, and Jewish Board of Directors members Bennett Grau, Jocelyn Benson, Marsha Levick, Howard Mandell, Lida Orzeck, Alan B. Howard, Pam Horowitz, Ellen Sudow, and Elden Rosenthal want?

To quote Jewish former Senior Fellow at the SPLC Mark Potok:

“Our aim is to destroy [the groups on the SPLC’s Hatewatch List] completely…We’re trying to wreck the groups. We’re trying to destroy them. It’s strictly ideological.”

This list includes American Renaissance, the American College of Pediatricians, the Center for Immigration Studies (CIS), the Federation for American Immigration Reform (FAIR), the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, the Occidental Quarterly, the Proud Boys, VDare.com, and White Lives Matter.

Since the shooting in Parkland, I've been so moved by the prophetic voices of @NFTY teens & other young Jewish leaders. Theirs is the generation that will repair our world. This week I'm using my profile to amplify their messages. Stay tuned & be inspired. #JewsDemandAction

— Rabbi Jonah Pesner (@JonahPesner) March 20, 2018

It’s never “just” about guns; as Natalie Lifson delighted in pointing out, it’s the intersection between “bigotry, gun violence…and racist ideas.” Washington Post writer Adam Winkler noted with great satisfaction that as America becomes less rural and less white, “The NRA Will Fall. It’s Inevitable.” Hadassah (The Women’s Zionist Organization of America) has publicly backed Congressional legislation to restrict access to firearms and further infringe on our Second Amendment rights. As far as Hadassah is concerned, here is what else you get:

For #WorldPoetryDay, here’s @HadassahMag on activist and poet Emma Lazarus: “Her immortal words on the base of the Statue of Liberty remain a potent symbol linking immigration policy and women’s rights.”

On International Day for the Elimination of Racial Discrimination, we must renew our commitment to speaking out against racism, white supremacy, and neo-Nazism. #Hadassah #Israel #Peace #IDERD

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What's next, NFTY? We may be done marching, but the fight for gun violence prevention has just begun - & #JewsDemandAction. Join us: https://t.co/8M9zzWeFU5 pic.twitter.com/ewI9mey6Fx

— NFTY (@nfty) March 25, 2018

If you haven’t already, are you starting to see how all these things—gun ownership, demographics, immigration, the highly-flexible notions and constantly expanding definitions of “racism,” “white supremacy,” and “hate”—are all interconnected? Jewish billionaire Nathan Kirsch funds Julius Malema’s anti-white Economic Freedom Fighters party in South Africa. Can you see where this road ends?

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[everettwilkinson]

ESPN And The Bursting Of The Sports Bubble

Authored by William Anderson via The Mises Institute,

When the cable TV sports giant ESPN announced 100 layoffs recently, including letting go a number of high-profile broadcasters, a lot of people took notice, and well they should: things no longer are business as usual in sports broadcasting, and we are not even at the beginning of the end, and maybe not even the end of the beginning.

Like the slow crashing of the retail sector as online purchase firms like Amazon begin their domination, we are seeing a sea change in sports broadcasting and that is going to mean big changes are down the road not only for ESPN, but for all of the sports entities that depend upon the huge payouts that ESPN provides. To put it mildly, a lot of people are about to see their lives change drastically as consumer choices drive sports broadcasting in a new direction.

Enough with the superlatives. What is happening with ESPN, and why is it important? As Clay Travis of the sports website Outkick the Coverage has been writing for more than a year, the main ESPN business plan, the one that brings in the most revenues to the firm, is doomed to near-extinction, and there is nothing ESPN can do about it. Writes Travis:

In the past five years ESPN has lost 11,346,000 subscribers according to Nielsen data.

  If you combine that with ESPN2 and ESPNU subscriber losses this means that ESPN has lost over a billion dollars in cable and satellite revenue just in the past five years, an average of $ 200 million each year. That total of a billion dollars hits ESPN in the pocketbook not just on a yearly basis, but for every year going forward.

  It's gone forever.

Since it began to grow in popularity in the late 1970s, cable (and later, satellite) television has offered its customers coverage with “bundles,” that is different payments allow cable subscribers to expand their viewership as payments increase. For example, a “basic” cable subscription would allow the customers to view, say, 15 channels including the ABC-CBS-NBC-PBS lineup plus other channels such as CNN or Fox. A higher-tier subscription would add other channels, including ESPN and its associated channels and others such as The Food Channel or assorted movie channels.

One problem with bundling, of course, is that subscribers will pay for channels that they rarely or do not watch. For example, I have a basic subscription with Direct TV, but maybe watch 10 channels at most, even though dozens are available. (I don’t include ESPN or any of the other sports channels in my monthly package.)

As technology has improved in telecommunications, the ability of providers to further segment packages has meant that cable and satellite subscribers are able to eliminate the channels they don’t want to watch, and that means that many are unhooking from ESPN. Continues Travis:

ESPN is losing 10,000 subscribers every day so far in 2017. In the past six years they have lost 13 million subscribers and that subscriber loss is escalating each year. That's billions of dollars in lost revenue.

  Every year for the next five years ESPN is spending more and bringing in less. You don't have to be Warren Buffett to see that's a business problem. 

He goes on to the heart of the matter:

ESPN is spending over eight billion dollars on sporting rights this year and by 2021 I believe they will be losing money regardless of how many people they fire. ESPN can't fire employees into profitability. It's just not possible. These firings are going to become a yearly thing and they still aren't going to prevent the business from dying. 

True, ESPN, as well as all commercial broadcasters, receive advertising revenue, but advertising alone, along with subscriptions from people who choose to purchase ESPN in their cable/satellite packages, will not be enough for the network to meet its obligations to the various organizations it pays for the rights to broadcast their events. From the National Football League (NFL), to the National Hockey League (NHL), to the National Basketball Association (NBA) to the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA), ESPN has paid billions of dollars, money that is funneled into high athlete salaries, not to mention salaries of coaches, university athletic directors, and, indirectly into the building and maintaining of magnificent sports facilities.

The revenues lost to ESPN are lost forever, and even given the rise of smart phones and Internet streaming, the current state of affairs is unsustainable and the sports landscape is going to change, and the changes will be extensive. It is here that Austrian economics gives us insight into how at least some of the changes will proceed.

Carl Menger, who we know as the “founder” of the Austrian school of economics, in his path-breaking book Principles of Economics in 1871 demonstrated conclusively that the value of the factors of production was based not on costs derived from other costs of production, but rather the value of the factors was imputed via the value consumers placed upon the final goods. This view contradicted the standard British classical view that the value of consumption goods was derived from the value of the factors of production, and it placed Menger in the Pantheon of the early Marginalists.

In laying out his theory, Menger used tobacco and the factors used to produce it. If people suddenly stopped using tobacco, he reasoned, then the value of the factors would change quickly relative to their ability to be transferred to other uses. The more specialized the factor, the greater the change in its value. For example, the land on which tobacco is grown would then be used for other purposes, such as growing corn or wheat, or even pasture for cows or sheep. Highly-specialized tools used only for growing or harvesting tobacco, however, would see a steep drop in value and maybe would have to be abandoned altogether.

What does this have to do with the demise of ESPN? As noted earlier, the network pays billions of dollars for rights to broadcast sports events, and it is unlikely that as ESPN loses the revenues that permit it to pay large sums, other networks will be able to take up that slack. That means the organizations that now receive this money are looking at “haircuts” down the road, which includes the NCAA and collegiate athletic teams.

The ESPN funding allows for the network to broadcast a number of collegiate sports events that ordinarily would not rate enough of an audience, and its large payouts also allow for coaches to receive record-high salaries that would not be possible if these programs depended just on ticket sales and other donations. And while it is tempting to say that “ESPN pays for this,” in reality, it is the consumer of cable/satellite television that ultimately decides the size of the ESPN payouts, and consumers are stating their preferences with their checkbooks, and there is nothing ESPN can do about it.

Without cable/satellite subscribers being willing to pay extra for the sports channels, and without the viewership that draws advertisers, ESPN revenues will fall, and that means that the factors that make up the “product” that appears on ESPN broadcasts also are going to lose value, as long as other networks don’t take up the slack (and it is doubtful they will). Thus, one is looking at a long, steady decline and the world of televised sports is going to have to adjust to the new reality.

Unfortunately, as Travis has pointed out many times, ESPN during this ratings slide has taken a hard turn toward the political left, which has further alienated a lot of conservative viewers. Writes Travis:

As ESPN has lost 10,000 cable and satellite subscribers every day in 2017, seen ratings collapse for all original programming, and recently embarked on the firing of 100 employees as part of a desperate cost cutting move to save its business. The network’s sports media defenders have desperately argued that the network’s embrace of far left wing politics has not had any impact on its collapsing viewership. That’s despite the fact that there have been two different studies that have demonstrated Republican voters have abandoned the network’s original programming in the past year.

In that regard, one can argue that ESPN has done what numerous (and especially elite) colleges and universities have done the past several years: create a hostile atmosphere for white male students all the while wanting them to be paid customers. One cannot both seek to offend and attack the same people one wishes to purchase their services without courting disaster, yet higher education and ESPN are doing just that.

To a certain extent, one can argue that both higher education and ESPN have benefited from “bubble” economies, and as consumer choice becomes directed elsewhere, the bubbles burst. As Carl Menger demonstrated, the bursting of the bubbles will mean that some factor owners will have to receive less pay in order to remain employed, while other factors will have to be transferred to other uses altogether or simply become unemployed. All soothing rhetoric aside, the world of sports broadcasting is going to see major changes in the next decade as consumers have their say.

from CapitalistHQ.com http://capitalisthq.com/espn-and-the-bursting-of-the-sports-bubble/

[personalcoachingcenter]

Who says you are mising out? People you follow online?

New Post has been published on http://personalcoachingcenter.com/who-says-you-are-mising-out-people-you-follow-online/

Who says you are mising out? People you follow online?

How Social Media Creates a Fear of Missing Out (And What To Do About It)

personalexcellence.co

"FOMO — or the fear of missing out — has become a pattern in today’s world. We are constantly on our phones, glued to social media feeds and checking what other people are up to. The more updates we see, the more anxious we feel. We see people living this exciting life, achieving this new… The post How Social Media Creates a Fear of Missing Out (And What To Do About It) appeared first on Personal Excellence. " https://personalexcellence.co/podcast/fomo/

Life is About Choices and the Decisions We Make

Life is like a road. There are long and short roads; smooth and rocky roads; crooked and straight paths. In our life many roads would come our way as we journey through life. There are roads that lead to a life of single blessedness, marriage, and religious vocation. There are also roads that lead to fame and fortune on one hand, or isolation and poverty on the other. There are roads to happiness as there are roads to sadness, roads towards victory and jubilation, and roads leading to defeat and disappointment. 

    Just like any road, there are corners, detours, and crossroads in life. Perhaps the most perplexing road that you would encounter is a crossroad. With four roads to choose from and with limited knowledge on where they would go, which road will you take? What is the guarantee that we would choose the right one along the way? Would you take any road, or just stay where you are: in front of a crossroad? 

  5 Simple Ways To Be Happier

yourdost.com

"What is the one thing we all want? To be happier. As surprising as it sounds, achieving it isn’t so difficult. Don’t believe us? Read on to find out. Here are 5, simple, actionable tips to inculcate to become a happier version of yourself! 1. Get some exercise  Source – http://yourmedguide.com A point we have been trying …" http://yourdost.com/blog/2017/06/5-simple-ways-to-be-happier.html

There are no guarantees.

  You do not really know where a road will lead you until you take it. There are no guarantees. This is one of the most important things you need to realize about life. Nobody said that choosing to do the right thing all the time would always lead you to happiness. Loving someone with all your heart does not guarantee that it would be returned. Gaining fame and fortune does not guarantee happiness. Accepting a good word from an influential superior to cut your trip short up the career ladder is not always bad, especially if you are highly qualified and competent.  There are too many possible outcomes, which your really cannot control. The only thing you have power over is the decisions that you will make, and how you would act and react to different situations. 

  Wrong decisions are always at hindsight.

  Had you known that you were making a wrong decision, would you have gone along with it? Perhaps not, why would you choose a certain path when you know it would get you lost? Why make a certain decision if you knew from the very beginning that it is not the right one. It is only after you have made a decision and reflected on it that you realize its soundness. If the consequences or outcomes are good for you, then you have decided correctly. Otherwise, your decision was wrong. 

  Take the risk: decide.

  Since life offers no guarantee and you would never know that your decision would be wrong until you have made it, then you might as well take the risk and decide. It is definitely better than keeping yourself in limbo. Although it is true that one wrong turn could get you lost, it could also be that such a turn could be an opportunity for an adventure, moreover open more roads. It is all a matter of perspective. You have the choice between being a lost traveller or an accidental tourist of life.  But take caution that you do not make decisions haphazardly. Taking risks is not about being careless and stupid. Here are some pointers that could help you choose the best option in the face of life’s crossroads:

· Get as many information as you can about your situation.

  “Happiness Is Not Something You Can Measure Against Others.”

gretchenrubin.com

"Interview: Carly Zakin and Danielle Weisberg, Founders of theSkimm Co-Founders and Co-CEOs of theSkimm, Carly Zakin and Danielle Weisberg launched theSkimm from their couch in 2012 and have built a brand with more than 7 million daily subscribers. The company started with the Daily Skimm, the fastest growing email newsletter on the market (sign up […]" http://gretchenrubin.com/2019/06/carly-zakin-danielle-weisberg-interview/

  You cannot find the confidence to decide when you know so little about what you are faced with. Just like any news reporter, ask the 5 W’s: what, who, when, where, and why. What is the situation? Who are the people involved? When did this happen? Where is this leading? Why are you in this situation? These are just some of the possible questions to ask to know more about your situation. This is important. Oftentimes, the reason for indecision is the lack of information about a situation. 

  · Identify and create options.

  What options do the situation give you? Sometimes the options are few, but sometimes they are numerous. But what do you do when you think that the situation offers no options? This is the time that you create your own. Make your creative mind work. From the most simplistic to the most complicated, entertain all ideas. Do not shoot anything down when an idea comes to your head. Sometimes the most outrageous idea could prove to be the right one in the end. You can ask a friend to help you identify options and even make more options if you encounter some difficulty, but make sure that you make the decision yourself in the end.

  · Weigh the pros and cons of every option.

  Assess each option by looking at the advantages and disadvantages it offers you. In this way, you get more insights about the consequences of such an option.

  · Trust yourself and make that decision.

  Now that you have assessed your options, it is now time to trust yourself. Remember that there are no guarantees and wrong decisions are always at hindsight.  So choose… decide… believe that you are choosing the best option at this point in time.

  Now that you have made a decision, be ready to face its consequences: good and bad. It may take you to a place of promise or to a land of problems. But the important thing is that you have chosen to live your life instead of remaining a bystander or a passive audience to your own life. Whether it is the right decision or not, only time can tell. But do not regret it whatever the outcome. Instead, learn from it and remember that you always have the chance to make better decisions in the future.