#(don't) commit tax fraud

[aguythatlikesstuff]

Rewatching Gravity Falls. I've come to realize that Grunkle Stan is objectively the funniest character of all time.

[nguyenfinity]

Totally normal over the fact you gave niki rinne's shirt

He wants to marry Niki so bad but he must pay his Boyfriend TaxesTM first

[pico-digital-studios]

Into, Across and Beyond! Scripting: Paying Taxes

(Based on this)

Sometime following Tails of Trials, OMT!Tails and OMT!Mina were just spending some time in the former's home, when Mr. Needlemouse came a-knocking.

Mr. Needlemouse: Tails!

OMT!Mina: Wha-?!

Mr. NM: My taxes are due today, and I have no idea how to do them!

OMT!Mina: Erm, okay?

Mr. NM: You gotta help me!

OMT!Tails: How do you know I'm not busy with my own?

Mr. NM: Cuz I know in da back of my thumb ya didn't do 'em last minute!

OMT!Tails: I mean, I had to wait 'til January 22nd before this year's 1099 forms all came in, but...

Mr. NM: Please, bub! Ya gotta help me! I'd be on my knees if MCStudio had the drawing skills for it!!!

OMT!Mina: *sigh* Alright.

OMT!Tails: I'm sure with my brains we can get this sorted out in no time!

They headed inside.

Mr. NM: (So boooring...)

He followed them in.

OMT!Tails: Okay, so, first order of business. How much did you make last year?

Mr. NM: Wait, I was supposed to be countin'?

OMT!Mina: Didn't you get a W2 from your employer?

Mr. NM: Employer...?

OMT!Mina: Well, what do you even do for a job?

Mr. NM: ... Does robbing Melody Hill Zone and framing Beeman for it 24/7 count as a job?

OMT!Tails: Like, stealing money slash rings regularly?

Mr. NM: Yep!

OMT!Mina: Who even makes it that easy to rob?

Mr. NM: Easy! I have a professional conman disguised as a lawyer freeing my bum every time!

OMT!Mina: Well, I doubt we'll be getting a 1099 from said lawyer.

OMT!Tails: It's okay, though! We can still fill out the 1040 using your own accounting.

Mr. NM: So I was supposed to be countin'!

OMT!Tails: You haven't been keeping track? NM...

Mr. NM: Okay, okay relax! I got 540 something in Emerald Hill... stole 250 from the local retirement home... stole 25 thousand worth of gold in Calteron... and stole some of Aureya's tech and sold 'em for 20 bucks!

OMT!Mina: I seriously doubt the IRS is gonna tolerate that.

Mr. NM: It was in three different dimensions! Whatever crimes I'm accountable for there, I'm not accountable for here!

OMT!Tails: Anyway! Let's talk business expenses. Do you even have those?

Mr. NM: Well... I did sell Beeman to the Dark Webz and passed him off as a rare species of bee. Does that count?

OMT!Mina: The dark web?!

OMT!Tails: Why did you go selling stuff on there?! And that's not even an expense!

Mr. NM: Well, where else can you sell someone? The other markets deemed it "illegal" for ridiculous reasons!

OMT!Tails: You can't put illegal purchases and selling on your federal tax return!

Mr. NM: Why not?

OMT!Mina: For Gaia's sake...

A few minutes later, everything was sorted out and the signature was put on the sheet.

Mr. NM: Phew! That took forever...

OMT!Tails: You're welcome.

Mr. NM: Now all I gotta do is put it in the mail, yeah?

OMT!Tails: Those were the federal taxes. The dimension taxes should take no more than 5 minutes to-.

Mr. NM: Actually, I think I'm good!

He started walking to the door.

OMT!Tails and OMT!Mina: Huh?!

Mr. NM: I've decided I'm not paying taxes!

OMT!Mina: Needle, you have to pay your taxes!

Mr. NM: Why? It's not like they do anything.

OMT!Tails: Star Light was literally built with the funding from taxpayer rings and coins.

Mr. NM: Yup. And they used the money to build loop-de-loops and floating platforms. Which, granted, cool as hell for me, but hell for the chumps that wasted their sweet time paying for 'em!

He prepared to leave through the front door.

OMT!Mina: I mean, he got a point there.

OMT!Tails: Still, if you don't pay your taxes, the IRS will come after you, Needlemouse!

Mr. NM: And I'm a living cartoon character! They can't catch me!

Cut to him now thrown in prison for planned tax evasion.

(AoSTH Robotnik sprite by Soap Surfin' and XtremeXavier)

Mr. NM: Oh, damn... Guess they caught me. (looking to his right) So what you in for?

AoSTH Robotnik: I placed a bunch of golden rrrrrrrrings on the ground, and they told me to send the proper 1099 forms to people who picked them up. I didn't just to be diabolical, and, well... I've been serving my time here since before Across All Worlds.

Mr. NM: Call me Judge Doom, cuz you're getting the Dip!

AoSTH Robotnik: No, stop!

Mere seconds later, he was pulled from his jail cell after serving his time there.

IRS Member: Alright, you're free to return to your dimension.

AoSTH Robotnik: Anything to get away from that hedgehog, er... rabbit, erm... whatever that thing is! He's worse than Sonic, and that says a lot!

Dr. Beeman: You think that's bad? Try living in his world mindin' yer own business!

IRS Member: Well, the rabbit-hog's gonna be staying there for at least the next six months for planned tax evasion.

Mr. NM: Aw, really? I can get my lawyer to bust me outta-.

IRS Member: And you have charges of selling a half-human on the dark web, robbery, framing for said robbery, evading court through your properties, using a conman to get yourself out of jail, vandalism, disorderly conduct, parking illegally, amongst too many other offences to list here. And if you don't pay the legal fees out of the money you stole, which will all go back to the places you stole them from, you'll be here for at least 70 more years.

Mr. NM: Oh, COME ON!!!!! >:(

(Confirmation from @mcgamejolter himself: Mr. Needlemouse preferred the 70 extra years in jail over being a decent person, but of course, they made him send back the stolen goods whether he wanted to or not. Him trying to evade his taxes was just the last straw that got him tossed behind bars.)

[robin-with-a-pen]

UUUUUGH I can't think! anyways- I saw this and HAD to write it- I've reached a stand still tho ):

current writing (unedited, sorry) under the cut:

In truth, I am very sick. 

I am not angry, not upset at all. I have lived a long and fulfilling life. Beside me is my son and my beautiful wife. I am the king of the land, my son will soon take my place on the throne and I can’t be happier.

He’s a stunning young man, a responsible and upstanding gentleman. He will be a kind and just ruler, I know it. I have faith in my son. He will take care of my wife, he will take care of his wife, he will take care of our kingdom. I am proud of him, I am proud of how me and my wife have raised him.

I admit that I can be prideful, and for this reason, I don’t want to admit that I am in pain, but I am. No amount of denial will cure me. I am nearing my end.  Everyday, every action, every breath I take is met with excruciating pain. I no longer have the energy to sit up, I have been rendered a pitiful old man relying on my family to do even the simplest of tasks. 

My son, my perfect boy, has not uttered a single complaint. He is taking care of my wife as she too gets older, he is taking care of me as my health worsens, he is taking care of the castle and its workers, the kingdom and its people, he will be a perfect ruler. He’s already doing the work, all he needs is the title.

When I was much younger, a prophet arrived at my door shortly after I was crowned king. With shaky hands and fear in his eyes he warned me that one day, my eldest son would be the man to take my life. 

“The gods have spoken, they warn me of the misfortune that will befall you. My dear king, your eldest son will be the man to end your life and take your throne.” 

I was terrified. The thought scared me, my son? Betray me? Betray his family, his blood, his kingdom? I had just begun to court my wife, we would soon be wed. The prophecy plagued my mind. My mind became filled with anxieties and doubt.

Would it be greed? Wealth and power? Would I raise a son so selfish he would kill his own father for power? Would I deserve it?  Would I become a terrible father? Would my throne corrupt me? Would My son grow to fear and resent me? Would he kill me out of spite? Would I push him to do it? 

The image of my son, a man who had yet to even be born yet, standing over my corpse with a blade in hand. Blood staining his clothes and a wicked look in his eyes. It haunted me. I began to question everything. As ashamed as I am to admit it, but I even doubted my dear wife. My beautiful bride. What if she was the cause? She could corrupt our child, convince the poor prince to take my life. 

The prophet’s words played on repeat. My son would kill me and take my throne. I had plotted a thousand murders in the name of a man who didn’t exist yet. By the time my wife was pregnant I had even planned to kill the child. 

I had decided that if this child were to be male, I would drown him in the river. I didn’t want to torture my son, I did not want to harm him at all, but I feared what he would become. I feared him. And for nine long months I was plagued with endless anxiety. I feared my wife for the monster she might birth, I feared myself for the sins I might commit. 

Now, I am ashamed of my thoughts, and my actions. Oh, if these fears had stayed in my head I would be a much happier man now, but they did not. The way I treated my dearest, my perfect and beautiful wife was horrid. She dealt with her pregnancy alone, I was much too busy plotting my own murder. Then, when she went into labor I did not think to help her. I did not hold her hand as she birthed our first and only child, I offered her no comfort. 

I stood by the doctor. Watching and waiting. I feel as though my heart had stopped when I saw my son for the first time. My soul had left my body, along with it went any thoughts, considerations, or plans to kill the angel in my wife’s arms. 

He was beautiful. No words could describe the mixture of shame and pride I felt. He looked at me with bright eyes and I couldn’t fathom this boy hurting a soul. Right then, as my wife slept, as I held the boy in my arms, as I rocked him to sleep I vowed to be the father this boy deserved. He might be my killer but he was yet to be tainted. 

Briefly, I even doubted the Gods. I questioned them openly and without fear. How could this precious child be my doom? I wouldn’t allow it.

-------

Thanks for reading!

[chorus-the-mutate]

Unhinged Owl House AU: After the finale the Collector is spared and becomes a magical fashion designer for the fun of it. To avoid being lonely and bored with the shop the Collector hires Hunter and his trusted sewing machine to help out. Neither of them really know what they're doing but the Collector is happy to get a hobby people like them for and Hunter is happy to get away from his uncle's legacy and gain enough knowledge of sewing to make Darius proud. Shenaniganery ensues and they become bros.

[befuddled-calico-whump]

◉Could you please write about what moral standards a few characters of your choosing have? Like would they hurt kids?

oooh...

I have a ton of characters, so I'll try to keep this on the short side lol. The vast majority of my protagonists are heroic leaning, so it's easier to say how far they would go than list everything they wouldn't do.

Melchior can and will destroy buildings, property, vehicles, etc. Ideals > objects. This was mostly when he was younger and more reckless in his methods to counter those in power, but he'd still be down to blow up a mansion or yacht or Fleet Depot. However, he's been made more aware of the collateral damage recently. Even outside of the people who are hurt directly, there are still those who've lost jobs or homes because of him, and he still has guilt where that's concerned.

Wes can be pressured into doing morally bankrupt things (like threatening civilians or shooting an enemy who'd surrendered or betraying a friend). When he was younger, it was more of a herd mentality thing; he'd do whatever everyone else was doing in search of acceptance. Nowadays he's more hesitant, but he'd do it to save his own skin.

Mercury has already proven she has no issue with torture and murder, but for the record, she wouldn't hurt a child, and actually has a soft spot for weird kids because she was a weird kid. She's also against hurting the elderly in any way.

Greer wouldn't exactly harm a kid, but he'd have no problem threatening a kid if he thought it was necessary. He'd probably also have no issue hurting like, a 16/17 year old if it fit the needs of his mission.

[daeluin]

awful that gay marriage wasnt legal in 2005 i could've convinced pete wentz to get fake married just to avoid taxes

[worsemotorfinger]

(tabs currently open: "student loans explained" "am I low income" "how do people afford college" "how to get in state tuition if not resident" "can I lie on the FAFSA" "how to commit tax fraud" "cheap secondhand guitars") yeah college applications are going ok

[fira211]

Oh god so on the same vein but slightly less amusing. My work put my pronouns after my last name. But they did this (as far as I can tell) by just entering it in the same field as my last name.

Which led to a fun time for all when we were given stock with access to a third party stock company site. Who after I registered called and said:

"So, uh... We need you to re-register."

"Is my social security number still showing as incorrect for reasons unknown, even after I emailed my HR department five times in the last seven or eight months? And they only finally did something because the registration deadline passed, and I called you guys instead, and you called them to put them on blast?"

"Oh no, that's been sorted. But uh, there's a problem with your last name."

"Which is?"

"It shows as 'LastName (They/Them)'."

"... You have got to be kidding me."

"Well we receive this data from your work and so..."

"Can't you edit it on your end?"

"Because this is legal information that we receive from your work, if we edit it it's considered fraud."

"Can they edit it and update the system?"

"Unfortunately, since you've completed the registration, them updating wouldn't change it on our end. So they would have to update it, and send it to us, and you would have to re-register."

"... The due date for registration has already passed."

"Oh we'll have them send you a new link."

"Well there's that at least I suppose."

Readers I'm still waiting on a new registration link. I'm unsurprised.

the funniest thing that’s happened to me recently is that someone seemingly tried to update my pronouns on the medical system but accidentally made it so that my actual name is now “They Them”

[grim-the-embodiment-of-death]

Grim entering the Hazbin Hotel.

Charlie: Hey Grim! Ooo! Whatcha got there?

Grim: oh, this is just a list of fun human activities I want to try. Here take a look.

Charlie reading the list:...........Grim why is, commit tax fraud on this list?.......why does the box next to it have a check make????

@hellsdisneyprincess

[hag-o-hags]

Useless teen intern helps in the mailroom.

[practically-an-x-man]

Y'know how people talk about the "ADHD tax" of buying pre-chopped veggies because then you'll actually use them?

I genuinely think investing in a tax service would be like that for me.

[twistedblitz]

Blitzø stumbled through the dimly lit corridors of his imp headquarters, his steps unsteady and his mind clouded by the effects of alcohol. Empty bottles clinked in his wake, a testament to the chaos that had unfolded within his own tangled emotions. It had been a night of drowning sorrows, a desperate attempt to escape the relentless weight of his own existence.

Slumping against a wall, Blitzø let out a bitter laugh that echoed through the empty chambers. The laughter, however, held no joy, only a hollow mockery of the pain that gnawed at his insides. Memories of past mistakes and shattered dreams swirled in his mind, haunting him like vengeful specters.

As his bloodshot eyes scanned the room, they fell upon a framed photograph on a nearby table. It depicted him with his sister, Barbie Wire, and his former boyfriend, Fizzarolli. They all looked so happy together and Blitzø couldn't help but feel sick just looking at it. He glared at the photograph accusingly before throwing his half empty bottle of alcohol at it, sending it crashing to the ground. The glass of the frame shattered, much like his heart and the last remaining bit of his sanity.

In a fleeting moment of regret, he collected the now shattered photograph as he slumped to the floor, ignoring the glass that was no doubt slicing up his knees.

"This is it, huh? This is what I get... Why do I drive everyone away?"

[wanderedaway]

Is it a requirement to have a headache whilst doing taxes?

[suiana]

(yandere! prison warden x gn! inmate reader) (FYI idk how the law works ok so DON'T come after my ass) (im the type of lawyer that gets ur sentence increased instead of decreased fr💀💀)

"can i kiss you?"

"dude, i literally threatened to kill you."

"so?"

he stares at you with a raised eyebrow, pouting slightly as he leans against the bars of your prison cell. you choose to ignore him, instead opting to play with the plastic fork from your lunch tray.

damn it, you should've known better than to be caught. now you're stuck in this lame ass prison with this warden you don't even like.

curse that stupid lawyer who got your sentenced increased from fifty years to life imprisonment. dude sucked at his job and still got paid 💀

for some context, you were in prison for tax evasion, fraud, and multiple cyber crimes you shall not name. you got caught by accident and now you were here. sentenced to life imprisonment in jail. in a private cell.

you know, it isn't even half that bad as compared to some other crimes others have committed! so you haven't a slightest clue as to why you were placed in a private cell with no one to keep you company!

i mean, you did try befriending your warden but he turned out to be delusional and turned out to be one of the people you scammed. love-scammed, to be specific. which is why he might've been delusional...

"baby why'd you have to leave me? i was so sad..."

see? this is what you mean! he seriously didn't get the hint that he was scammed! even when you told him straight to his face that you never did actually love him!

god damn it. now you have to hear his yapping 24/7. you're starting to think that he might've been the one to report you. i mean, isn't it a little too convenient? he's a prison warden, you've got a private cell-

"hey! are you seriously not paying attention to me?!"

he hits the prison bars lightly to attract your attention. thankfully, it did. or else he might've thrown another tantrum. and you did not have the mental capacity to handle it. come on! if he did it would've been his third tantrum of the week! and it's only monday!

you cock your head at him, rolling your eyes as you acknowledge his presence. your annoying prison warden instantly lights up at the small gesture. oh well, at least he's in love with you to the point where even you acknowledging him makes him happy...

"babe! you've gotta stop ignoring me! it makes me sad..."

"i don't actually care."

"baby!"

damn it, maybe you should've just bribed the judge to let you have a death sentence instead.

[bittersweet-jack-of-no-trades]

Stan gives the Mystery Shack to Soos, Ford ties up some loose ends that came of Stan using his name to commit massive tax fraud for thirty years, and then, finally, they take the Stan o' War II out on the high seas. Except...

They have no idea how to sail.

Sure, they had taught themselves (sorta) when they were kids, but that was... a long, long time ago. And sailing, especially sailing the 40' 'aged but beautiful' vessel they bought off the coast of California and refurbished, isn't actually... easy.

So they dock themselves up in the closest marina they could limp to on their little inboard engine, apologize to each other for the arguments that were sparked while fighting the main sheet in thirty-five knot winds and sideways rain, and shuffle their way to a sailing class.

And aren't they a sight: two sixty-somethings, identical twins, strangely haunted looks in their eyes, who seem to know everything and yet nothing about each other. Their classmates learn this quickly: Stan knows Ford's fingerprints, but not his favorite food. Ford remembers what Stan got for his fifth birthday, but not the name of his last ex. They're top of the class, of course (there's no official ranking, but everyone Knows Who's Best), and Ford keeps calling the twenty year old sailing instructor "kid," and we're pretty sure Stanley is... is that a gun? They're an entertaining pair of old men, for sure. Stan can't help it--- he's an entertainer at heart, he loves the attention--- and Ford finds he likes being recognized, but not for his oddities--- just his personality, and his stories.

Finally they feel confident enough to go out sailing on their own, and it's fulfilling, and fun, and they find a lot of cool shit. But as much as they love each other, and as much they learn about each other while sailing the deep blue, one just isn't enough company for two brothers who have always dreamed of being known. So, once or twice or four times a year, they sail back to that marina, check in on that class, and maybe do a little show 'n' tell. They become known in the area, two grunkles with a love for the sea but a heart belonging to land, and their visits are wild, fantastical things, with preserved mystical creatures and stories changing hands across each dock. Stan and Ford--- twins, but each their own personality, and appreciated for who they are. The Stan o' War II is their home, their purpose, and their future.

Fifteen or twenty or twenty-five or maybe, if we're lucky, thirty years later--- that's when the Stan o' War II sails into the marina slow and uncertain. And when they dock, it's not Stan and Ford who step off, but two young adults, a man and a woman. The sailing instructor, who is now a new twenty-year old, but has heard all the old stories of his predecessor, steps forward warily.

"You knew our grunkles, Stan and Ford," Dipper says to the suspicious crowd. He looks at the sailboat, and his face crumbles in the unmistakable folds of grief. "They... they used to say that their first breaths were by the sea, in a small Jersey beach town and--- and in order to top that, their last breaths should be on the sea. And they got their wish. And now... and now, well... Mabel and I, we don't know how to sail. We don't know how to keep the Stan o' War II alive."

It's natural, then, for Mabel and Dipper go to sailing class. They're twins who have fantastical stories and strangely haunted looks in their eyes; they're top of their class, even though there's no official ranking. When it's time, and class is over, they step onto the Stan o' War II and sail into the sunset.

The Dockmaster of the marina smiles sadly. He's not worried, though--- he saw how much they were like their grunkles while they were staying at the marina. And if he knows one thing about the Pines family, it's this: they'll be back, again and again, each discovery better than the last.