#(decided to try something different here and try for a first person POV which IK is not the typical rp style

[universestreasures]

Shadow Checkmate (Drabble)

For @shachou

Chess. It was the first game Nii-sama ever taught me, the one that made me really love gaming. I'm not very good at it. Nowhere near as good as my brother. But...when I play it with him, it makes me so happy! It's a lot of fun to try and beat him, even if I always lose.

It used to be something we'd do every day, with other kids at the orphanage watching us. But...we don't play chess anymore. We haven't since we moved into this house.

Our stepfather says Nii-sama has more important things to do than to play with me, something about needing to work hard. That's why I don't see him most days. I only see him at dinner once in a while or at a fancy party I get to go to. Other times, I'm told he's too busy studying with his teachers, even if I ask nicely.

I miss him. I miss him a lot. I miss the days when he read me stories about dragons and wizards. I miss the days when he'd tuck me into bed. I miss the days when we played chess for fun all day. I miss the days we were together.

With him not around, I've gotten lonely and bored. That means I've had to make new ways to have fun, like Nii-sama and I always used to do. That's why I made a new game, a new game I can play that makes me feel like I'm playing it with him.

It's called Shadow Checkmate.

The rules are the same as regular chess, except you don't need a second person to play. All you need is yourself and your shadow. Though, I don't have any chess pieces. I've had to use things in my room, like buttons or pencils, instead. I drew the board out on a piece of paper, one side for the 'white' pieces and one side for the 'black'. I use the black ones like I always do, and my shadow uses the white.

I take my turns, and then I move my shadow's pieces for it. Though, when I play, I don't see or hear my shadow playing with me. I hear and see my brother. For he is always by my side, like a shadow, even if he isn't here.

"Good move, Mokie!" I'd hear him say, my brother's voice echoing in my head.

"Better luck next time, kiddo." He'd tell me after he'd win, like he always does.

"Let's play again!" That is what he'd say after each game, always wanting to play more.

I'd play Shadow Checkmate for hours and hours. I'd play so much to the point I'd fall asleep right there on the floor. It was fun and made me feel like, even just for a while, that I wasn't trapped in this stupid house. When I was back home with Nii-sama, smiling and playing together like we always did.

-------------------

I find myself coming back to that little game I made rather recently, playing it wherever Nii-sama happens to be. In his hospital room. In his bedroom. Even outside in the mansion's garden when the doctors allow me to take him out. Wherever he is, and we'd have a moment, we'd play, just like we used to.

I'd set up the pieces, proper chess pieces his time. His were white, and mine were black. And since I long since memorized all of his moves, I gently guide his hands to the pieces, helping him move them into place. Of course, I always lose. But...unlike the last time I lost a game, I don't get yelled at or punished for losing, even if I somehow always get a little shaken when his voice in my mind echos "checkmate."

It was nice to have him here, not looking at me so coldly, at least physically. For he can't move or can't talk right now. Like this, he really had become my shadow, always there next to me, but unable to react to anything I say, outside of what I make up in my head. The real him was off rebuilding the puzzle of his heart, according to Yugi, whatever that meant.

But I promised to wait for him, and wait for him I did. Each and every day for over half a year. I played many games with him, maybe in hopes that by doing so he'd come back, but nothing had changed. And unlike when I was little, I wasn't smiling as much during these games. It didn't help ease my loneliness. If anything, it made me feel sadder. For my Nii-sama was right in front of me, and yet...it still wasn't who I was waiting for. It wasn't who I wanted to be with more than anything. It wasn't who I wanted to say "I love you, Mokuba" for real instead of in my head.

It wasn't my big brother, the person I wanted to play chess for real with.

-------------------

I played a lot of chess with my friends while I've been at Tasuku's place. All four of them took turns playing with me, me winning against Gao and Akatsuki and me losing to Suzuha and Tasuku. I tried my best to put my all into these games, but...my heart just wasn't in. It was like I was zoning out most of the time, stuck in my own head and unable to focus on what was in front of me.

Whoever I played against, I would always see Nii-sama instead. Instead of their voices, I'd hear his, encouraging me or congratulating me on a win. It was no different than playing Shadow Checkmate all over again, except this time I didn't have to move the other pieces.

The more we played as the weeks went on, the more I kept thinking. Will I get to play chess with the real Nii-sama ever again? Will I get to ever see him again? Will he ever want to see me again? Will he...will he send me back to the orphanage, since I liked it there so much? Will I be forced to play with shadows of him made by my mind, something i did when I had no choice, forever?

My fears engulfed my shadows, transforming the images of my brother I saw during these games now, just like how he appeared in my nightmares. His voice changed too, encouraging words now distorted into the anger-filled rage he experienced that night that had been echoing in my mind since they happened as if they'd never shut up.

"I will not entertain this nonsense any longer!"

"You want no part of this ? Fine. Do as you wish."

" This conversation is over."

I put my hands over my ears as they get louder, dropping my chess pieces in the process as my eyes shut tight and tears start to flow. Tasuku and my friends come to my side to comfort me, but I can't hear them. All I can hear and see is my shadow growing into my brother, towering over me like his dragon, before detaching himself from me and leaving me alone.

All alone.

Forever.

-------------------

Here I am. Sitting alone inside a room in this mansion, this time my brother's room, playing Shadow Checkmate once again with the makeshift pieces I made when I was five. I know I don't have to play this anymore. I had friends I could play with. I had employees I could play with. Hell, if I wanted to, I could make an AI version of my brother to play with.

But...for some reason, I chose this way instead. Maybe it was because it felt nostalgic. Maybe it was because it had worked in the past into fooling myself he was actually here. For unlike all the other times before, my brother isn't here in this dimension. He's off somewhere I can't get to. Somewhere, I don't know if he'll ever return from.

As I move my pieces into place, following suit by moving my shadows, I try to not think so hard. I want to lose myself in my fantasies. I want to escape for even just a moment, to remind myself that everything is okay and that my brother is still with me!

And yet...this time, there was nothing. No voice. No sound. No image. It was just me. Me, myself, and I. The reality of it all was too real to suppress, for no trace of my brother was left in this world other than his cards, his possessions, and my memories and mementos. I wasn't a little kid anymore who could distract myself with self-made images of what I wanted to see.

I had grown up, meaning this game...was no longer what I needed it to be anymore.

I threw all of the game pieces to the side in a swipe, gritting my teeth in frustration as I huffed and puffed. I hate this! Why wasn't it working anymore? Can't I just have a moment, even just a second of peace? The peace I thought would always be there?!

We promised each other we wouldn't ever be separated. We promised we'd always stick together. We promised we'd always be a team. And yet, just like in my visions from the past, he's left my side, my shadow seemingly nonexistent as I turn my back to look.

For there was no light to guide me. No light to warm me. No light to guide me. Nii-sama is my light. He always has been, and without him...I feel...

I feel incomplete, like part of my soul is missing; a part I need to live lest I be cast down back into the sea of despair that had almost drowned me so many times again and again. I feel worthless, knowing I can never fill his shoes. I feel numb, knowing I might never get to play another game with him....ever again.

It was suffocating as I cried my eyes out over him, left in nothing but the rubble of my childhood escape that could no longer stop me from drowning...

-------------------

It was a miracle. A miracle I thought one day might never come. But it did. The light that protects my brother's soul, his dragons, along with a priest who resembled him, led me back to my brother. We were together at last, his light returning my shadow to me after a painful two months of separation.

Naturally, everyone celebrated his return. Kaiba Corporation was glad to have him back, a weight being taken off my shoulders. Despite doing my best, no one ran the company quite like my brother. He had a light that lead everyone to doing their jobs well and to the best of their ability, a light I sadly don't have just yet but that I hope I one day will have!

However, that wasn't what I was concerned about. I was worried about one thing and one thing only: spending time with him, good quality time outside of work. I wasn't about to let him become a workaholic again. At least...not right away. For there was something important I just had to do, a thought that had been on my mind since he first left.

I come into his lab with a box under my arms, one I had to dig around in Seto's room for. My entrance gets his attention, him turning his chair to face me. I greet him with a smile, as I always do, before I do what I have been wanting to do for so long; finally putting a nail in the coffin to my old game

"Niisama...?" I ask, holding up a box containing his personal set of a certain game, a game we haven't played together in ages that I was ready to play with him for real this time.

"Can we...play some chess? I think...I think I'm finally ready to beat you!"

[dollescent]

𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝗌𝗁𝗂𝖿𝗍 𝗌𝗍𝗈𝗋𝗒𝗍𝗂𝗆𝖾 ‧₊˚❀༉‧₊˚.

08/04/23

so, i was in sleep paralysis (keep in mind i have sleep paralysis with my eyes open always), and i wasn’t panicked or anything because I’ve been experiencing sleep paralysis since i was like 10 (it doesn’t happen really frequently anymore though). so i was honestly just thinking to myself, "should i try to LD or AP?" so i tried to AP and it wasn’t working for me (for some reason i was in pain??), so instead, i decided to try and shift. also i had never even considered the SP method for shifting before so this was all so crazy to me.

so for some background, i was previously having a dream where i was running away from something but i felt myself entering SP and I could barely move in the dream. so i wanted to shift to a reality where i was able to run away. so i started to visualize myself running in a 3rd person POV. and it was crazy because i have aphantasia, so i usually don’t see anything when i visualize but this time i literally was able to!!

this was so trippy too. but i visualized myself zooming into myself that was running, and began to visualize in first person. once i did, i was going through a “tunnel” with red and black lights. i cannot describe it and i was kind of scared but yes y’all, i shifted with my eyes open!!

so i just keep on affirming that I’m shifting and once I get to the end of the tunnel, my eyes in my DR were already slightly open but they widened when i fully shifted there, but my vision was a bit blurry (i could tell that i was napping in this reality). it was so crazy like, it was just like this reality, in fact it felt even more realll. please don’t give up like it is so fucking worth it.

when i shifted, didn’t have a specific DR in mind so i don’t know where i’m at but it’s so crazy cause i just get this feeling that i’m at my cousin’s place. it looked so different but it was really nice. So I was sitting on the couch in the living room and i stand up to go look around for other people. (also i felt so heavy at first y’all) but I walk past the kitchen and there is a balcony facing outside and I see all my family on the balcony.

something things that were different,

❀ my dad was holding a baby girl and i could feel that she was my lil sis (is this reality my parents stopped having kids like 9yrs ago and i only have 3 younger brothers)

❀ there was this family friend named gilliana that was there, never seen this girl before but she was chill. also i just knew that was her name.

❀ my cousin had a different hairstyle, his hairline was botched low key 😭😭☠️☠️☠️

❀ my cousin and aunt’s apartment was way bigger and on the first floor, and my uncle wasn’t there. there was also sm furniture in the living room but the place was sooooo nice!

so the balcony was on the first floor facing the courtyard and that day that there was a food truck there that had cameroonian food. it looked and smelled so good!!! the poisson braisé (braised fish) had me damn near drooling. my mom told me “c'est trop cher” which means, it’s so expensive in french. but I was like idcccc i’m getting a plate! And i wanted to, but took a step back and i shifted back. also ik 100% that it was a shift because i never dream in french, even though im bilingual.

why I shifted back,

❀ i kept on wondering on whether i was acting natural or not because i felt a little, idk how to express it but a bit out of it? and i didn’t want them to think i’m behaving differently

❀ i also kept thinking about my cr lmao and I realized that i would really miss my family here if i were to permashift, which is a feeling i didn’t know i had

❀ i also was not very grounded lol, and i wasn’t there for long, just 5min

some tips and words of advice,

❀ ps, feel free to ask any questions

❀ whenever you have a dream, just tell yourself that you had shifted instead, especially if it’s about your DR

❀ WBTB METHOD YALL!!!! anytime that i’ve lucid dreamed, nearly AP’d, and have had the most vivid dreams, it has been when i incorporated this method. and i do it so habitually. like my friends always joke abt how i sleep in 2 parts

❀ make shifting a lifestyle. now i’m not saying to revolve your life around shifting, but when i started incorporating reality checks and affirmations in my daily life (it literally all takes 10s) it has become a habit. because before, i would never think to try and shift while in SP

❀ honestly just believe in yourself, it’s harder than it sounds but you’re the only thing that can make yourself shift, even if you have doubts and frustrations, that’s not gonna stop yourself from doing SHITTT

❀ pls do not expect your experience to be like mine at all or compare yours to others. i have never heard of anybody shifting with their eyes open before. and also i didn’t experience any symptoms at all, which was not surprising because I never do

anyways hope this was interesting, xoxo ˚ ༘ .˚🌱୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

[anxious2dsimp]

Everything He's Not | Iwaizumi x GN! Reader | Short Fic

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡*✧･ﾟ:˚۰˚☽˚｡･:

Flavour: Angst (Reader x Cheater!Oikawa) to Fluff (Reader x Iwaizumi)💔→☁️

Reader: Gender Neutral!

Format: Short Fic (alternating between two sides of the story, y/n and Iwa's)

Part: 1 out of 2 (read part 2 here)

Word Count: 2.3k

Summary: Y/N, has dated the very popular Oikawa Toru for a while, through him becoming friends with his group. However, little do they know about a certain stoic ace's feelings for his best friend's s/o. When Oikawa screws up big time, will Iwaizumi's true feelings finally show? And what will Y/N do when everything goes down?

Warnings: Cheating, cursing, breakups, basically Oikawa x Reader angst turned into Iwaizumi x Reader fluff.

A/N: I wrote this for myself a while back but I edited it into a gender-neutral reader insert on a sleep-deprived whim (sorry if there are any mistakes, feel free to let me know!) Ik it's very random, but hopefully someone likes it :)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡*✧･ﾟ:˚۰˚☽˚｡･:

Your POV

Dating Oikawa Toru was definitely different from what you expected; at first you were weary about the volleyball star, but after giving him a chance you started to see the real him. Yes, he was the captain of a powerhouse’s Volleyball team and had a ton of fangirls, but really he was just a regular guy with dorky interests and an alien obsession, which was the side of him you fell for. It wasn’t all great, dealing with his fangirls was rough; luckily you were safe being from another school, but they’d take any chance they had to try and gain Oikawa’s interest, flirting with him as he did the same back, not with bad intentions, it was just his personality. It did slightly annoy you, but you knew he was clear that we were together and wouldn’t take things further, he was just keeping up his image, and he promised you that was all.

Since your Karasuno friends didn’t particularly like your relationship with the setter (though they did respect it), you two hung out with his Aoba Johsai friends; that’s how your friendship with Iwa, Makki, and Mattsun started. You all became good friends, so they all helped you keep Oikawa in line while at school (especially Iwaizumi). Since you got along so well your friendship became its own thing besides Oikawa, and before you realized it, you and Iwa were such good friends that you chatted almost daily on the phone.

You don’t know what exactly made you bond so much, maybe you were similar in the sense that you were both used to being lowkey, keeping things together behind the scenes; regardless, you both enjoyed each other’s company. That Tuesday afternoon was one of those days, Oikawa had something to do at school, so Iwaizumi invited you, Makki, and Mattsun over to his place to wait for the captain like you usually did since it was the closest to the school.

So, you just chilled like always, laughing and playing video games, talking about whatever came to mind. While you were in the middle of a Mario Kart match, you heard the front door of the apartment open, “(y/n)-chan! I’m sorry for the delay~” the brunette said in a sing-song voice.

“Hi to you too, Oikawa,” said Makki, poking fun at him, to which he just rolled his eyes and walked over to the couch. “Aren’t you gonna give me a kiss?” Oikawa asked standing in front of the screen, causing all four of you to start yelling at him to get out of the way, making him pout. “One sec, Toru-chan,” you said, biting your lip while focusing on keeping your first place intact for the last lap. The setter just giggled and got out of the way, walking around the sofa to stand behind you.

Iwaizumi’s POV

‘Eyes on the screen Iwaizumi,’ the ace told himself as he tried to focus on the game, attempting to ignore the way Oikawa kissed (y/n)’s neck while they played, trying to get their attention but failing miserably other than a giggle here and there. Iwa could tell by the way their (e/c) colored eyes pierced the screen that they wanted to win. The boy could see why his best friend liked them, unlike most people (y/n) actually treated Oikawa like a normal person, which definitely got him going. It wasn’t just that though, you all became such good friends because they’re smart, funny and beyond kind; but that’s all you were, friends. So why did it make him moody to see them be all couple-y?

After all, they were together while he was just the friend, the one who kept the fangirls off Oikawa so (y/n) didn’t have to worry because he couldn’t do it himself. Even though Toru was Iwaizumi’s best friend since they were kids, he couldn’t help but think that his friend wasn’t the greatest boyfriend. However, that was the same reason why he couldn’t say anything either, after all, they made him happy and vice versa, so he just kept telling himself to keep his damn eyes on the screen.

Luckily for him, the game was soon over so you all ordered takeout and sat around talking. “Yo, (y/n), there’s this new scary movie on Netflix, we should watch it this Friday night,” Mattsun stated, stealing one of Maki’s fries and throwing it in his mouth. “That sounds fun, but I can’t Friday! Karasuno has a friendly match against a few Tokyo schools this weekend so we leave Thursday after school,” (y/n) explained with a sweet smile, Iwaizumi’s eyes casually wondering over to Oikawa to see him looking upset.

‘Ugh, here goes,’ the spiker thought to himself. Lately, Toru had been restless and uncomfortable because according to him, his s/o was slipping away from him. Oikawa had somehow managed to convince himself that Karasuno had made it their mission to get their manager (y/n) to stop liking him and had been getting increasingly dramatic and jealous lately for no reason.

“But I thought we were going to hang out this weekend,” Oikawa whined as he pouted at his significant other, trying to seem jokingly disappointed though his best friend could tell he actually was upset. “Babe, we literally talk every day and we hung out all this past weekend, and today,” (y/n) said taking his hand.

“Plus, you have friends too, Shittykawa,” Hajime said, trying to get his friend’s mind out of that dark place since he knew he was more prone to make stupid comments when it was there. Oikawa didn’t drop it, insisting on how they were talking less as (y/n) continued to explain that school had been busy and how he also had responsibilities that took up his time. They eventually got him to shut up, but Iwaizumi couldn’t shake the concern that he was being too stupid, and it felt like he was getting closer and closer to making a mistake.

Your POV

You had to admit you did feel guilty when you told Toru you were leaving for the weekend, it was true that you had been way too busy with school and that neither of you had much free time, but you knew that your feelings for him were still strong. So, that Thursday after school you were happy and excited to hear that the trip had been postponed and you’d actually travel on Saturday morning because Sensei had a very important meeting on Friday afternoon. With the change of plans, you decided to go surprise your boyfriend, and it already being late in the afternoon, by the time you got to his place he would be home.

As you got off the bus by his place and got closer to his house, the sun beginning to set, a couple by a small park caught your eye, causing a soft smile to appear on your face. That park was always where you two would hang out when you wanted to be just the two of you. Walking closer, however, the smile quickly disappeared as you realized the “couple” was none other than Oikawa himself with one of his persistent fans he told you not to worry about. ‘Maybe they’re just hanging out as friends,’ or at least that’s what you told yourself as you squinted and kept walking.

Picking up your pace you got closer, now being able to see their faces more clearly in the dimly lit park only to watch them kiss, the girl’s arms around his neck while Oikawa’s hand slid up her thigh. You didn’t know what to do, so you just stood there in shock as silent tears began to fall down your face. Almost as if you were in a trance, you reached into your pocket and took out your phone, dialing his number as you saw the brunette react.

He looked down surprised at his phone screen as he scooted apart from the girl and picked up the call as if it was nothing. “Hey beaut-” he started to say before you cut him off, not having the strength to hear his happy tone. “How could you?!” you sobbed angrily into the phone as his face became anxious. “What’s wrong babe?” How could he try to play it off as if he had no idea?

“You lying, cheating, son of a bitch! We’re over,” you yelled angrily, hanging up right as his eyes met yours. You were close enough to see the horrified and heartbroken expression on his face, but before he could say anything you turned around and just ran. Grabbing the straps of your backpack you sprinted back down the streets, your vision blurry with tears as your (h/c) hair was pushed back by the wind. It was only when you were back at the bus station and were sure that Oikawa was nowhere to be seen that you stopped and realized; you didn’t know where to go next.

You could go to your Karasuno friends, but you weren’t in the mood to hear “I told you so” and couldn’t go home to not worry your family. As you sat there and looked at the screen blankly, tears continuing to fill your eyes, a notification appeared. ‘Hey loser, how’s the trip going?’ you read as your eyes looked at Iwa’s name by the message. He was your best shot, you were close and he wouldn’t judge, so without opening your phone again and ignoring all of Oikawa’s calls you jogged over to Iwaizumi’s place.

After ringing the apartment and hiding your teary and now out of breath voice in the intercom, Iwa’s mom buzzed you in, and once you got to his floor you were greeted by Iwaizumi looking concerned, more so once he saw the state you were in. “(y/n), are you ok?” Iwaizumi asked as he walked over to you, hugging you as you hid in his arms and sobbed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know where else to go. It’s Oikawa,” you explained as he nodded and got you inside. He made some tea and brought it with you two to his room, both of you sitting on his bed. “Ok, what did Shittykawa do now?” he asked as he looked up at you and handed over a warm mug. “D- did you know h-he was cheating on me?” you managed to stutter out between sobs, trying to sound collected but being embarrassed by your inability to do so.

“He- wHAT?!” His reaction startled you, and when you looked up from the cup and saw his horrified, furious expression it made you feel less like you were overreacting. “I- the trip got postponed to Saturday morning, so I went to surprise him to his place and saw him in our bench making out with one of his fangirls,” you explained, watching as Iwa’s face became angrier and angrier, realizing how you don’t think you’ve ever seen him like this, “I’m sorry I came to you, I know you’re best friends.”

Iwaizumi’s POV

Seeing them like this was already painful, but learning what Oikawa did was too much, Iwaizumi couldn’t believe how his friend could do this to (y/n). The spiker had never cared when he did stuff like this or worse than this to his fangirls. After all, he thought, they were the ones stupid enough to be blinded by his charm, but he never fathomed Oikawa would be able to do something like that to someone as great as you. “What? Hey, don’t even dare apologize,” he stated firmly as he took both mugs and set them by the bedside table, hugging (y/n) tightly and feeling them snuggle into him as they cried. Seeing them like this killed him. ‘Fuck Oikawa,’ he thought to himself, ‘if before I had stayed out of the way because they were good for each other that’s no longer the case.’

“I’m so sorry he did this to you; I should have stopped him. If I had known I would have, I should have been paying more attention,” the ace rambled into (y/n)’s hair as they cried softly, getting angry at himself before being interrupted by them pushing themselves away from him gently to look up at his face. “Why are you apologizing as if this was your fault? Iwa, he’s the one who’s an asshole, not you,” they stated, wiping a tear from their face.

“Because,” was he really going to say this? Screw it, here goes nothing, he told himself before continuing, “I knew you deserved better than him, but I convinced myself he would be different with you because I saw how good you were to him, and how happy you looked.” (y/n) just looked at him, mouth slightly ajar as they seemed to process what the boy had said. He couldn’t take the silence anymore so to avoid the blush he felt was beginning to appear on his cheeks he asked; “so did you dump him?” They nodded, looking down at their cup of tea as they chuckled and replied; “on the spot, over the phone.”

Iwaizumi chuckled back, releasing some of the nerves; “serves him right.” They smiled weakly at his comment and absentmindedly ran their fingers through their hair, My god were they gorgeous, Hajime thought to himself, only then realizing it was the first time it was just the two of them in his room, suddenly becoming self-conscious. Calm down, he told himself while taking a deep breath, looking over at (y/n). 'They just broke up with their boyfriend, being here with you is their last concern,' or so he thought. “Do you… want to watch (favorite movie) and eat ice cream?” the spiker suggested after thinking for a moment, he knew that was their favorite movie, and ice cream helps get over jerks, right?

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾｡･:*:･ﾟ★｡*✧･ﾟ:˚۰˚☽˚｡･:

[idontwanttowhy]

Review: Holiday Love ホリデイラブ (2018)

A frustrating Fatal-Attraction-esque jdrama

Synopsis

Takamori Azu (Riisa Naka) has been leading a seemingly perfect life with her husband, Takamori Junpei (Takashi Tsukamoto) and their daughter Nanaka. However, her world crumbles when she is told that Junpei has been cheating on her with a part-time co-worker, Izutsu Rina (Matsumoto Marika)--by Rina's husband, Izutsu Wataru (Nakamura Tomoya) no less. To make matters worse, she discovers that Rina won't let go of Junpei and is doing everything in her power to destroy their relationship. A rollercoaster of betrayal, mistakes, and obsession ensues.

AC Overall: 8/10, be prepared to be mad

So this drama is about people being unfaithful in their marriages and the tolls that takes on themselves, their relationships, and their families--and ultimately how they dealt with it all. I was very frustrated throughout the drama, partially because of the cheating and partially because of how everything panned out. But what kept me watching was the mistress, Rina's, plans to be with Junpei, despite both his wife's efforts and her husband's efforts to separate them. Be prepared for Fatal Attraction-level obsession. Matsumoto Marika did a great job playing the obsessed, unstable mistress. Give it a watch for the mess of it all, from will-they-won't-they get back together drama and possible revenge cheating, to unhealthy obsessions and extreme ~moves~ because of it. Some of it was predictable, but the execution was creative at times. And it's pretty short, good for a binge.

AC Review (Spoilers, and very long)

Ngl, this drama had me Fuh-RUS-TRA-TED practically the whole time. Bc I 1) could not understand Junpei for cheating and 2) tbh still don't understand how and why Junpei had two women who wanted to be with him. But I digress. Actually no, this whole review is going to be a digression. First ep we see Junpei fucking some other woman and they talking about "I wish I had married you" and love and blah blah blah. Which makes it decidedly not an "I fucked up and my dick slipped" situation. Not that the latter is better bc they're both shit. Idk if it's better if someone "slips up" because of a lack of control, or a strong love towards someone else. Jury's still out. But Junpei whispered sweet-apparently-nothings into this woman's ear for a YEAR, and dead acted like nothing was going on at home. And then had Rina assed out in front of his wife and her husband talking about "I didn't say all that" like suuure want receipts? So ultimately everything was his damn fault. Anyway. My girl Azu, blessherheart, was completely blindsided when Rina's (very attractive though also very abusive but very attractive and why would you want Junpei over him but yeah he's abusive so I get it but if he wasn't then...) husband showed up with a beat-up Junpei talking 'bout "he's fucking my wife, what are we going to do?". And poor Nanaka! The children in both marriages suffered the most bc they really were just innocent bystanders who got caught up in the bull and will probably have some trauma because of it. Like Nanaka was such a happy spirit but got depressed when she lost all her friends! My heart really went out to her.

Anyway anyway. So my girl Azu did the right thing at first--had Junpei's ass sleeping in the car and everything, which I loved, and was determined to divorce him. But then she got tricked into (almost) sleeping with a Japanese Micheal Cera (simultaneously old- and young-looking somehow) by a client-like gurl. I was proud that she stopped it (and he didn't continue without consent) but like, her sister and best friend's response was like "how could you (almost) fuck a stranger" and I'm sitting here like "she was drunk? he was blackmailed into this? she thought she knew him at least a little? and she realized she didn't want to and didn't actually have sex with him? and where was this energy when they found out about Junpei??". And then the best friend proceeded to give shit advice, talking about "don't tell Junpei, it'll ruin his ego" when realistically, she shoulda just told him the minute she decided she wanted to be with him still (which I'll discuss later) bc they were split up at the time, and he did (arguably, though maybe not, still depends on the person's pov) worse. But no, he found out through the mistress (of course!) and thus put Azu in purgatory. Her flip in the decision to be with him again was because he had always been there...which I get (prob bc of my scorpio sun) but ughhh I wish she hadn't welcomed him back so easily. Like yeah, say you still want to be with him, sure, but make him sweat at least a little more? Make him beg? act different? idk. She made him feel too comfortable too quick, which made him feel more entitled to being upset about her and JMichael Cera talking about "I know I shouldn't be mad, kedo..." and making my girl Azu sad, which leads me to...

THE MISTRESS. with her baby voice. wtf. And Junpei couldn't keep his dick in his pants even after all the shit. I mean, they didn't fuck but dude was acting sus again around her, which was just more fodder for her in the end. (His only other female co-worker watching and knowing everything was me the whole time. Like, you dumb, dumb man). He was waaay too nice after all the shit, letting her into his dorm and letting her do him favors so he felt guilty and letting her try to talk him into leaving his wife. I was sooo mad that after all the mess, Junpei still didn't grow any balls to say to her, point-blank, "I'm not leaving my wife, please leave" until way too late for me. And she really, and i mean REALLY, went out of her way to get Azu to cheat and molded him like putty. I had no faith in Junpei. Throughout the whole thing. Dude is spineless. And...so was Wataru, but in the macho-man kind of way. Controlling to hide his insecurities. Violent for no reason (did we need the r. scene? fuck) But in the end, he was the one that caved the least when it came to the cheating, trying to figure out what happened, and taking concrete steps rather than the wishy-washy moves Azu and Junpei were making. And then he grew as a father after kicking Rina out, because then he spent time with the kids (after his mom said she had a life lol) and they ultimately chose him in Tokyo which was super interesting and redeeming...wait wait wait but he was still very abusive and there is no excuse for that. I really had to stop myself--whenever he wasn't yelling at grown ass adults and breaking shit--from thinking that he was a good person. The struggle. But this man really said everyone's dumb, and I low-key agree. I could understand him the most (though it doesn't excuse anything, ik ik). But I would've changed the locks too.

We gotta talk about the best friend too. I watched on viki with the comments, so throughout the show people were like "oh they should be together" and shit, which had me kinda tight because I really appreciate when shows allow for platonic friendship between a cishet- man and woman? Esp without one professing their ever-present love to the other. Dude gave shit advice but ultimately was the only one thinking straight and suspecting Rina was behind it all. And then actually doing the groundwork to prove it. And he sent her new clients when the news of the affair broke and everything. And and he had Nanaka's approval. Honestly there wasn't anything to dislike (except the shit advice...).

The ending tho, was the kicker. Homegirl put on a whole play for the company and really sought to end his life. I expected something, bc how could someone as obsessed as she was just back off? (and he deserved it bc Junpei didn't sacrifice enough for me, got around everyone knowing about his affair but had his wife's business out on the street, didn't have to lose his job like he was supposed to, etc...) but I didn't expect a performance. The flair. A1.

This show didn't necessarily have me gasping (except for that scene)--more like "wow I saw that coming but wow they really did that". Good stuff. And I learned that in Japan if a spouse cheats or otherwise does something that's cause for divorce, they have to pay a compensation fee! Wild.

If you made it to the end of this rant, I appreciate you ;

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[alicemitch09writes]

outsider looking in is absolutely beautiful. not just because of its happy ending and overall love in the story, but in its undeniable growth from ulma in terms of everything and how tightly it tied the the three little foxes series.

suna’s perceptiveness has always been a given (stupid ass middle blockers smh) so him immediately taking note of mika’s superficiality is something that i shouldn’t be surprised with but is pleasantly so. to be honest, it made me so glad that suna has looked at yn first and has appreciated her; not mika first then yn as an afterthought. it portrayed the genuineness of his feelings whether it be about their friendship or his crush on her.

the details of this story is immaculate. and so, so heartfelt. him putting a band-aid on his heart and trying to hate reader which i think was just him trying to mask the frustration of her trying to act like she’s okay which was (in my defense) evident on that part in ulma where reader got sick and his emotions subconsciously leaked— a part that has always stood out to me because as much as suna tried his hardest to defend reader, it always come across as him not being okay with what atsumu was doing but that part has always got me thinking that perhaps he has something more that he is not letting on. and of course as mentioned, his self-hatred for not doing better. though, in a sense, i doubt he could do better at that point in time. sure, he himself could try more but it’s pretty much useless if the person you were trying to reach is not gonna reciprocate. at that point in their life, yn was pretty adamant about shouldering the world on her shoulders alone, so even if suna has reached out and tried, i doubt it would bear any fruition. but bonus points for him blowing up on atsumu, i might’ve fell in love a little harder and want him to tell me what you revealed in the preview (ummm??? jk... ha ha... unless 😳)

speaking of growth, suna’s growth is painstakingly slow but not in a bad way. in fact, it is very realistic how he handled himself and slowly worked on his put-up nonchalance and indifference and decided to be less of a coward for both himself and his first love. baby steps, as mentioned in the story once again. the way you handled suna dealing with the shadows of both their past along with his insecurities? impeccable. the parallels of his own feelings for reader with reader’s with atsumu. especially when reader’s a bit... how do i say this? oblivious to atsumu’s feelings for her still. suna as an “outsider” who can see everything that unfolded and of course, like we alr established his acute perceptiveness over things and he knew all along just how in love atsumu was— no, still is— with reader.

as for reader, oh my! did reading everything gave me butterflies. her growth is the most beautiful thing in this whole series. from her openness with her emotions and freely smiling, shedding the mask she carefully and professionally put on as a teenager. her therapy really did help her a lot. most notably, with her relationship with rin and her standing her ground and not giving up on both rin and her. don’t get me wrong, she’s still as strong as ever and would definitely put a shirt on people’s (she care about) back before her own but whereas before where she would’ve let rin get his way and give up cos a break up would be what rin wanted; she put her foot on the ground and decided that instead of being passive and letting the other party tell her where she stood, she chose to fight for the both of them if rin was not capable of that yet, not blaming herself for not being good enough and feeling sorry towards rin for not being able to do more. instead, letting herself carry his heart on her hands because she knew that rin can’t bear the heaviness of his own. but knowing that this time it’s different. because it’s rin. the person who loved— no, loves— her first. rin, who loves her first and foremost. rin who, despite the shadows of their past and his insecurities, is and will always be worth any risks on her fragile heart.

growth, in the natural and casual build up of their relationship was amazing. again this is all part of their growth. love in all its maturity. rin risking his band-aided heart to get to know his first love deeper and again since he did run away from them and his feelings. the casual but very heartwarming way he asked her out. to slowly progress into the strong relationship they have to going over each other’s house and finally moving in. [and also, rin getting called pretty boy is my favourite thing in the world idc! sunarin walked so all the other hq pretty boys could run!]

as for meeting the family part, i knew the extent of kaoru’s protectiveness. but even so, i did feel a bit of disappointment because kaoru, during this whole ordeal, was even more of an outsider. kaoru, uncle, mika, and mom was always protected by reader. kaoru even more so as he was the one who’s there and was also very close to the miya twins. and as a result, kaoru would always think that atsumu would be a better fit and end game for reader because kaoru has always been shielded from atsumu’s flaws, faults, and stupid pride. especially that promise atsumu made to him about doing something about reader when kaoru found her secretly crying in her room, not knowing that the cause of that very pain is the asshole standing before him.

also, the reunion! the seniors being all happy and of course, reader’s lifeline just being precious and glad that their baby sister is finally getting the love she deserves and more. ahhh, i love them so much. i wish we could’ve gotten yoshimichi and asano’s reactions too! ik yoshimichi will run her mouth but i feel like asano could be menacing on her own.

did i mention how much i love this and the growth of everyone? cos i love outsider looking in and how much it showcased the growth of reader, suna, and everyone else. thank you so, so much for another heart wrenching masterpiece. it was an amazing end on the three little foxes series.

(sorry for getting carried away and rambling so much. i am just so enamoured by your story and couldn’t help myself really. i hope this was at least coherent enough for you and everyone else to read hahaha)

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR KIND WORDS SWEETPEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU REMIND ME OF MY ONE READER IN AO3 WHO DISSECTS EVERYTHING SO WELL ;W;

As for the title, for some reason I thought of 'outsider looking in' and gave it a thought, realizing that it can mean a lot of things: Suna's POV as someone not from Hyogo, and Suna being an outsider looking at his own relationship, the overall feeling of an outsider, himself.

I'm so glad that you all are seeing Reader's development from ULMA, I was so worried that I didn't do it right the whole time I wrote it. Part of her theraphy to get better is Art Therapy, hence, why she does Shodo, or Japanese calligraphy, but she does it at her university, because there's a Shodo club and everything.

I really want to thank the writer of '16 chapels' because she wrote a really raw, vulnerable Suna, which was something I also wanted to try. I thought of rereading the story again, but was disheartened to find out that they deactivated/left Tumblr last year :(

For Kaoru, he has this blind idolization for the twins, especially Atsumu. So he thinks that he can never do wrong and perfectly matches up with his sister's uptightness. However, he doesn't realize how much his idol was the cause of his big sister's hurt.

As for the kits' reactions? Read here!

I'm honestly thinking of writing one last chapter, for all the fics but also give something for Atsumu, since I've bullied and hurt him a lot in this series. Just a send off of his feelings for Reader, his forever person and first love :">

Fun Fact: 'July' by Noah Cyrus was also an inspiration for me to write this song, because it made me think of Suna hoping that Reader would leave him, thinking that she still wants Atsumu and he's just a rebound. 'you remind me everyday i'm not enough but i still stay' did it for me ;"D it's also the very same line for ULMA, for Reader staying in the club the whole time.