#(cake's from lawson)

[raventhekittycat]

Huzzah! A Japanese Christmas dinner for one!

[bunny-jpeg]

Hi Bunny! Could I please order a zebra cake, pots de crème, and ice cream bars with an espresso shot, tonic water, and juice served by Fernando? - 🍯

bakery menu

thank you to those who had submitted! i've been slowly working on new orders! slowly, but surely i will get through all of them. bakery orders are mostly filled on fridays-sundays, a little weekend treat for everyone! i've had a real kick with fernando alonso fics, so i hope you enjoy!!

zebra cake: "well, what do we have here?" + pots de crème: "if a picture is worth a thousand words, then i could probably get a million dollars for this photo." + ice cream bars: “did you see the way he was eyeing you? he need to know you're mine." + espresso shot: dirty talking + tonic water: age gap + juice: cockwarming served by fernando alonso (formula one)!!

tags: smut/pwp, age gap (20s/40s), cockwarming, dirty talking/degrading language, jealous!fernando (sorry liam lawson), mating press, references to breeding/pregnancy

fernando alonso was a possessive man. but he was also a driven man. someone couldn't survive so many seasons of racing without the drive to do it. fernando believed that he could smoke these rookies out, he could make them taste true defeat.

he could win another championship before these rookies could even taste the podium. he was that confident. but that didn't mean that these new guys didn't get under his skin.

as he sat at the bar with a drink in hand. he watched you talk with the rookies of the upcoming year, in fairness you were closer in age with them. so fernando, while possessive, wasn't a monster. but, the green eyes monster wasn't immune to make an appearance. especially when liam lawson touched your upper back. fingers trailed across exposed parts of skin.

now that won't do...

fernando put his glass down and got up from the bar. he moved through the club until he reached where you were seated in the booth with the rookies, "well, what do we have here?" he said, he kept a smile as he got beside you, squishing you between liam and him. he draped an arm around you and you easily folded against him.

"we're just chatting." you replied as you looked at your lover.

fernando looked towards liam and said, "chatting. well, princess. we have to get back to the hotel soon. it's getting late." he didn't want to show his jealousy on his sleeve. but he also wanted liam to never touch you again.

"do we have to? it's not that late." you replied.

"yeah, c'mon, alonso. she's right, it's not that late. got some medications before bed you have to take." the rookie laughed as he took a sip of his stiff drink.

fernando held you a little closer. he gave one look to liam and then turned to you. his expression was a little softer as he cupped your face with his other hand, "you said you wanted to go the museum before we left tomorrow. hard to do that when you're out all night."

you remembered and nodded, 'right, right. i totally forgot!" you were instantly up which made fernando laugh. you were both soon out of the booth with your purse in hand. as you walked away, fernando draped an arm around your waist.

he looked over to the rookies and winked. they wished they could get a girl like you at their age. but, you didn't have eyes for boys. you wanted a man. and fernando was more than enough for you.

up against the side of the building, fernando pinned you against the brick by the waist. your head tilted back a little to expose the slope of your neck, which he decorated with bites and kisses. he groaned against your skin, his erection strained against his jeans, “did you see the way he was eyeing you? he needs to know you're mine."

you moaned, "honey, babe. i think he knows. i wear your colours and number everytime i'm at the track!" you gripped onto his shoulders and fernando just pressed into you further. you felt the leap in your pulse as the heat twisted in your core.

"not enough. not enough for a brat like him." he gripped onto you tighter and the kisses got hungrier, "as much as i'd love to fuck you up against this wall. i don't want someone to see what is mine."

you moaned a little and he placed a kiss on your lips. you melted into his warmth. fernando was a passionate lover, the kind that could make anyone shudder with want. years of experience under his belt and he used it to blow your mind.

when he pulled away, he hiked up your skirt a little to show the black panties underneath. he knew on the ass was luck number 14 printed on them. he licked his lips, "if a picture is worth a thousand words, then i could probably get a million dollars for this photo."

you gave him a look and before you knew it. you were in his car, headed to the hotel. his hand on your thigh as he zipped through the streets to get to the hotel. you barely made it into the room before fernando had himself pressed up against your back. his strong arms wrapped around your waist. he moved up against you and you felt a shudder of heat through your body.

you had to be quick to get the dress off before fernando tore the thing off of you. you ended up on the bed in just your underwear and you could hear the rustle of fernando's clothes. you felt your pulse leap when he eventually got on the bed behind you. your back arched when he palmed your ass.

"so beautiful. you can see why i'm so protective of you. these boys don't know how to keep their hands to themselves." he gripped your left cheek for a moment before he pulled the panties down then undid your bra with ease.

you were both soon naked and fernando put you onto your back and was between your legs. he wanted to see your beautiful face when he made you feel good. you looked up at him and felt the blush in your face.

he licked his lips and scratched his beard before he took you by the legs and got them up onto his shoulders, his heavy cock pressed against you. the stretch in your thighs felt good as he rubbed the blunt head against your slick pussy.

"fuck, nando." you arched your back a little to get comfortable on the bed before he sank his cock into you. you felt the rush of pleasure from the stretch of his cock inside of you. your short nails dug into the white covers of the hotel bed.

fernando sank his impressive length into you. you knew his cock was perfect, it wasn't the biggest of all time. but you didn't need that because fernando knew exactly how to use what he had. and it left you feeling good each time. so he didn't need a horse cock to make you see stars. but its thickness did leave you feel hot all over, the stretch always left you whining.

and fernando loved the sounds of your whines. how pretty you sounded when you took him. and you did so beautifully. his dark eyes lingered on you as he moved against you. he pressed into your further. your ankles on his shoulders as he rutted against you. he watched your breasts bounce with each thrust.

"so pretty." he mused, "you don't need one of those rookies. you just need me. maybe i should send lawson a message next time he thinks that he can touch you. touch what is mine." he stopped his movements for a moment and leaned into you further.

you stayed trapped under him while you kept his cock warm. he pinned your wrists to the bed. further pinning you to the mattress. and his lips found your neck. you moaned a little and squirmed.

his cock felt heavy inside of you. a weight that made your brain feel empty. you thought of very little while fernando had sex with you. he rocked his hips a little, almost teasing you while you kept him inside of you.

"i'd say a ring, but that idiot would look past it." he pinned you further onto the bed. your pussy clenched around his cock. you shuddered when he added, "maybe a tattoo. my name on your chest because he loves looking at your tits." he licked his lips. his cock nudged against a soft spot of yours and it made your toes curl.

fernando could be very dominant. and the thought of him making you get a tattoo of his name turned you on greatly. it made you feel heated while you stayed pinned under him. your cock taken him to the root.

"please." you whimpered, "you know i'm scared of needles."

he chuckled as he rocked a little further against you. he felt the throb of pleasure in his brain, "maybe a tattoo across your back and only put you in those short tops." he felt you clench around him, "i'll hold your hand while you get it. no need to scared when i'm there." he groaned. while he could've happily had you seated on his cock all night. he needed to fuck you. he needed to watch your body move with his rough thrusts. especially when you looked so nice under him. liam lawson could never have you like this.

you gripped onto the covers a little tighter as he started to move once more. you felt the flush of heat in your face while he fucked you once more. the air left your lungs when his cock hit against the right areas. fucking fernando was something else, he blew your previous experiences out of the water. everything seemed lack-luster after the first time you were with the older man.

he held onto your hands as leverage while he fucked you with heavy strokes. he gazed at your expressions and said, "maybe i should just knock you up. hard for lawson or any of the others to flirt with you when your attention is on my child." he grinned at you like a mad man and it made your stomach twist.

he continued to fuck you and you loved every second of it. the promise of how he was going to make sure that the rookies didn't get too handsy made your pulse leap. the pleasure of everything made sparks fly in your brain. there was something about fernando that left you breathless. you knew you weren't going to last much longer.

fernando kept you in the position you were in, he fucked you like he was trying to fuck you into the mattress under your sweaty back. he gave you kisses, but they were hungry and rough. his words lingered in your mind as you tensed up. your lover groaned against your kisses.

it didn't take much longer before you finished around him. your back arched with the little room between you two. you could feel his cock nudge and prod against you roughly. your eyes rolled back a little bit and your mouth hung open but unable to form words. it was hard to when climax hit you so hard that your mind went blank.

fernando noticed and he felt the excitement in his body. he worked himself against you and it made you feel like you were on cloud nine. he fucked you through your orgasm before he finished inside of you with a few more steady thrusts. he gripped onto your hands and pressed himself as deep as he could go. he wanted to make sure that reminders of him stayed in you.

you panted heavily as he slowed to a stop. he took you by the face and kissed you on your slightly parted lips. his words of praised curled in your brain but couldn't be fully processed.

"fuck." he groaned as he pulled out and ended up next to you. he pulled you onto his chest as you laid there together. you kissed at his bare chest and rubbed your cheek against the hair across it. your thighs rubbed together. he loosely held you back while you kissed him.

ideas swirled in his head for how to prevent liam lawson from touching you again. because no one touched what belonged to fernando alonso. <3

[slutforpringles]

The quality of Autosport's journalism has been on a sad and rapid decline over the last few years, but this article by Jake Boxall-Legge spinning the reality of Daniel's results at AT/VCarb over the last eigteen months and blaming him for Lawson's lack of preparedness for Red Bull really just took the cake for me

I don't care that this 'article' is labelled as 'opinion'. I don't think anyone should be able to describe themselves as a journalist if they're so willing and eager to misrepresent the truth and look past well-documented facts in furtherance of their own agenda and narrative. I cannot believe that it's almost 2025 we've still got journalists doing 2018 Daniel Ricciardo Red Bull revisionism. But just for posterity, I've included the write-up of Daniel's reliability issues from 2018 - and I don't think it takes half a braincell to figure out that Max winning the qualifying head-to-head 15-6 that year isn't exactly a fair or accurate representation of their relative performance as teammates that year.

[dovahbee]

Normandy Info board: SHEPARD’S BIRTHDAY

[NEW MESSAGES AS OF 00:00]

00:00- CHF. ZORAH: WAKE UP BOSHTETS ITS SHEPARDS BIRTHDAY

00:00- DR. SOLUS: Already sang human happy birthday song to her.

00:00- GO. VAKARIAN: I dont suppose I could convince you to teach me this song, doc?

00:01- DR. SOLUS: audio_attachment_human_birth_serenade

00:01- CHF. ZORAH: I picked up cake the last time we were on Illium

00:01- SPEC. JACK: it’s human tradition to smash cake into the birthday person’s face

00:01- CHF. ZORAH: i know you’re lying but i want to do that now

00:01- LT. TAYLOR: She’s not lying, it’s tradition and considered rude if you don’t

00:02- GO. VAKARIAN: Alright what’s the plan here? How about an ambush? Right outside her cabin?

00:02- LC. SHEPARD: im in this chat dumbasses

00:02- CHF. ZORAH: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEPPPPPPPPPP

00:02- SPEC. JACK: happy bday grandma

00:02- LT. TAYLOR: Happy birthday!

00:02- SPEC. KRIOS: best wishes to you, on your birthday, commander.

00:02- FLT. MOREAU: How much are you hating this, LC?

00:02- LC. SHEPARD: @JOKER I’d rather get ambushed by a cake to the face than for them to burst into song

00:02- SPEC. SAMARA: Happy birthday, my friend. There is no one I would rather wander the void with.

00:02- SPEC. GOTO: happy BDAY SHEP! left a surprise for you in your end table ;)

00:03- SPEC. GOTO: it’s turian condoms, from Mordin and I <3

00:03- GO. VAKARIAN: hey, i got her the same thing

00:03- SPEC. GRUNT: gross. i got battlemaster a present too

00:03- LC. SHEPARD: really, gifts aren’t necessary

00:03- SPEC. GRUNT: it is a gun mod

00:03- LC. SHEPARD: unless they’re mods. thanks grunt

00:04- SPEC. MASSANI: HA! We caked the lil bitch right between the eyes video_attachment_happy_birthday_shepard

00:04- XO. LAWSON: what in the— why are you all awake??? we have an op tomorrow GO TO SLEEP.

00:04- CHF. ZORAH: image_attachment_shepard_cake_face_HBD!

00:04- GO. VAKARIAN: she is such a majestic creature image_attachment_shepard_eating_cake_off_her_face_like_a_starving_varren

00:04- LT. TAYLOR: image_attachment_shepard_throwing_cake_at_crew

00:04- FLT. MOREAU: @LC at least they didn’t sing?

00:04- LC. SHEPARD: no. there was singing. it was disgusting.

[bluenerdtastemaker]

Hidden Hearts in Milan.

Streamer!Yuki Tsunoda x Pierre Gasly | 1.1K

----------------------------------------------------

Since there are some people asking for the streamer yukierre fic, I do as you all command. 😎

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

From 2024, Yuki Tsunoda was no longer just a streamer—he is a phenomenon. From Apex Legends to Minecraft Bedwars, Yuki’s fiery cursing and boyish charm had built a global fanbase that tuned in religiously to his streams. Known for his competitive gameplay and sharp tongue, his audience adored how quickly his anger melted into infectious laughter.  

His rise to fame began in 2020 with a chaotic, meme-worthy stream where he tried, and hilariously failed, to bake a birthday cake for his roommate, Liam Lawson. Yuki’s complete lack of culinary skill and Liam’s sarcastic commentary made for an iconic duo. Though sadly since Yuki moved to Milan, they both haven't stream together much since their schedules never collide.

But Yuki had a secret, a secret he kept carefully hidden from his viewers.  

Away from the neon glow of his gaming setup, Yuki was in a relationship with Pierre Gasly, an Alpine F1 driver. The two had met years ago through a mutual friend (ehem Liam Lawson ehem), and their connection had blossomed into something neither had expected. Pierre adored Yuki’s playful spirit, and Yuki loved Pierre’s quiet devotion. Still, they agreed to keep their love private, not wanting Yuki’s streaming career to be overshadowed by public speculation—though if the reveal time comes, they make it their way.

--

The first crack in their carefully constructed secrecy happened during one of Yuki’s nightly streams.  

"Okay, chat, we're grinding today," Yuki said, adjusting his headset. The soft hum of Apex Legends’ lobby music played in the background as he squinted at his monitor. "No distractions, no rage—" He paused, already losing his composure as an enemy team ambushed him within the first five minutes. "What the f—! No way! This guy is hacking!"  

user1: yuki rage arc already 💀  

user2: stream just started and he’s LOSING IT 😭  

user3: this is why we’re here  

In the middle of his tirade, the screen behind him flickered as a shadow passed. Yuki didn’t notice, but the chat did.  

user4: uh, who’s in his apartment?  

user5: wait is someone there??  

user6: YUKI EXPLAIN RIGHT NOW  

Yuki glanced over his shoulder, catching the faintest glimpse of Pierre’s wrist—his signature watch glinting under the light. Without missing a beat, Yuki turned back to the camera. "Oh, just the delivery guy," he said with an awkward laugh, his voice a pitch higher than usual. "Forgot I ordered food."  

user7: DELIVERY GUY???  

user8: bro has the SAME WATCH AS A CELEBRITY 💀  

user9: Yuki caught in 4k  

--

The speculation only grew when paparazzi snapped a blurry photo of Pierre walking in Milan with a shorter figure by his side. Both wore masks and hats, but fans immediately dissected the image, pointing out the unmistakable height difference and Pierre’s distinct posture.

Things escalated further when Yuki streamed himself attempting to cook pasta for Pierre’s birthday. He burned the sauce, spilling half of it on the counter while cursing up a storm.  

"Guys, this is fine. Totally fine. I meant to do that," he said, laughing nervously. But every few minutes, he glanced off-camera, giggling at something—or someone.  

user1: WHY IS HE GIGGLING STOP  

user2: he’s so bad at this but so cute 😭  

user3: is someone there?? prince charming cameo incoming??  

--

The final nail in the coffin came during a late-night Apex Legends stream. Yuki was mid-match, aggressively clicking his mouse when Pierre’s voice, smooth and unmistakably French, drifted into the mic.  

"Mon cœur, viens dormir."  

Yuki froze. The chat exploded.  

user1: WAS THAT FRENCH????  

user2: "MY HEART COME SLEEP"??? WHO IS THIS MAN  

user3: YUKI EXPLAIN YOURSELF  

Eyes wide, Yuki scrambled to end the stream. "Uh—my neighbors! Loud again. Bye!" He shut off his camera and immediately tweeted: "Uh, I forgot my neighbors are loud lol."  

Nobody bought it.  

--

The big reveal, however, came unexpectedly during Monza week.  

The warm glow of the Milanese sunset filtered through Yuki Tsunoda’s apartment window, spilling golden hues over the neatly organized chaos of his streaming setup. His trademark pink gaming chair contrasted sharply with the sleek black-and-neon aesthetics of his desk. The chat was already buzzing as his stream countdown ticked down to zero.

user1: LET’S GO YUKI STREAM!!

user2: yuki rage timeee

Yuki’s face appeared on screen, cheeks flushed from the summer heat. "Hi, guys! We're playing Apex tonight, but first…" He spun in his chair, dramatically pointing his video cam at Liam Lawson, who was seated on the couch behind him, slurping a bowl of noodles. "Look who finally decided to show up!"

The chat erupted.

user1: LIAMMMM!!!

user2: omg OG ROOMMATES ARE BACK

user3: it’s chaotic time 😭

Liam waved with a noodle dangling from his chopsticks. “Don’t get too excited. I’m just here for free food.”

Yuki rolled his eyes. "Rude! Anyway, let’s get into the game."

—

Two hours later, after a string of chaotic gaming wins, heartbreaking losses, and several Yuki outbursts that could wake the neighbors, he leaned back in his chair with a groan. “Alright, one more game, and I’m logging off for real. Liam, stop looking at me like you’re my babysitter.”

“I’m not,” Liam said, raising his hands defensively. Then, mid-protest, he froze. His eyes widened slightly, his expression morphing from mild annoyance to sheer exasperation as he stared at something just behind Yuki.

The chat noticed immediately, because of course they did.

user4: WHY DOES LIAM LOOK LIKE HE SAW A GHOST

user5: WHAT’S BEHIND YUKI?!

user6: I SWEAR IF THIS TURNS INTO A HORROR STREAM…

But Yuki? Completely clueless, as always. The boy had the observational skills of a brick wall. And this, dear viewers, was why his friends never left him unsupervised. He dove straight into a story like nothing was wrong. “So, anyway, last week, I went home to Japan, and my mom made this incredible sushi platter—like, you have no idea. It was so good—Liam, are you even listening?”

“Uh, sure,” Liam muttered, subtly sliding his chair back like he was preparing for impact. His eyes darted to the camera, his face clearly saying: This. This is why I don’t show up on these streams. I can’t deal with this.

The chat lost their collective minds.

user7: LIAM. BLINK TWICE IF YOU NEED HELP.

user8: IT’S BEHIND YOU. I’M NOT JOKING.

user9: I CAN’T TELL IF THIS IS FUNNY OR TERRIFYING.

Still blissfully unaware, Yuki rambled on about his mom’s sushi skills, throwing in a dramatic description of the perfectly cut sashimi. Meanwhile, a familiar figure in a black T-shirt and sweatpants had appeared in the doorway behind him. Pierre Gasly, smirking like a mischievous kid with a secret, began tiptoeing into the room with all the subtlety of a wrecking ball.

The chat exploded.

user10: NO WAY IS THAT WHO I THINK IT IS

user11: PIERRE GASLY ENTERS THE CHAT

user12: SCREAMING. CRYING. THROWING UP.

Liam, now fully resigned to his fate, glanced heavenward with an expression that screamed: Why am I here? What did I do to deserve this? He scooted his chair even further away, shooting the camera a look that practically said, And this is why I avoid this house.

Pierre crept closer, moving with exaggerated stealth that was so over-the-top it belonged in a cartoon. Liam, clearly fed up, sighed dramatically. “Oh, Yuki…” he said, stepping aside as if to wash his hands of the situation.

“Huh?” Yuki blinked and finally turned his head, mid-sentence. “What’s going—AHHHH!” His words turned into a shriek as Pierre swooped in and planted a quick, smug kiss on his cheek before bolting from the room like a man who had just robbed a bank.

The world stopped. Yuki sat frozen, his brain clearly blue-screening. His face turned bright red—no, scratch that, cherry red. He looked like someone had dunked him in a vat of tomato juice. It wasn’t just his cheeks, either. His entire face, the tips of his ears, even his neck—all red.

Meanwhile, Liam dissolved into laughter so loud it probably woke the neighbors. “Oh my god,” he wheezed, doubling over as he slapped the desk. “I told you, Yuki. I told you this would happen one day.”

“PIERRE GASLY!” Yuki finally screamed, throwing his hands in the air as if that would summon his chaos-goblin boyfriend back into the room. “Why are you like this?!”

The chat erupted into pure chaos.

user4: I’M DYING. I CAN’T.

user5: CHERRY YUKI IS MY NEW FAVORITE THING.

user6: SOMEONE MAKE THIS A GIF IMMEDIATELY.

Pierre’s mischievous laughter echoed faintly in the background as he made his escape. Yuki, still malfunctioning, buried his face in his hands. “Liam, why didn’t you say anything?!”

Liam, now leaning back in his chair like he’d just witnessed history, snorted. “What was I supposed to say? ‘Hey, Yuki, your boyfriend’s sneaking up on you mid-stream’? Like you’d notice.”

The chat had no mercy.

user7: LIAM IS THE REAL MVP.

user8: CHERRY YUKI VS. CHAOS PIERRE, WHO WINS?

user9: ANSWER: ALL OF US.

Yuki groaned, mumbling something about banning Pierre from his gaming room forever. Liam, still cackling, shot the camera one last exasperated look as if to say, And this is why I’m always the responsible one.

Somewhere off-camera, Pierre was definitely grinning, probably already planning his next ambush. Yuki sighed dramatically. “I hate you all,” he muttered, face still burning.

The chat didn’t believe him for a second.

Yuki, now in his defend-less glory, stared at the camera, wide-eyed and speechless, as Liam, laughing hysterically, grabbed his bowl of noodles and made a hasty retreat. “Welp, I think that’s my cue to leave,” Liam said, smirking.

Yuki buried his face in his hands, muttering, "I’m gonna kill him. I’m actually gonna kill him." Without another word, he ended the stream, leaving the internet in hysterics.  

[insert-stupid-username]

Ranking drivers based on how funny I think they would be on drunk history.

-would like everyone to know if charles and max were sharing a story and like saying it the same room they woud be top of my list cause they are just so unhinged when together... I would pay to see that-

Fernando Alonso: He is SO unhinged I feel like the one liners would be hilarious. I dont think he would act super drunk which I think would make it SO much funnier.

Yuki Tsunoda: I feel like he would act drunk and just keep swearing. To me he would be the one that keeps parafrasing what people say in funny ways ie: marie antonet "let them eat cake" to like "then she was all go eat the cake *pantomime shoving cake in someones face*"

Checo: Once he is let loose I think it would dbe hilarius. Also think about how much he would try and relate the historical thing to his current life

Daniel Ricciardo: Dude I think it would be a blast he just has a lot of natural charisma also think about all the things he would blurt out with less of a filer

Valtteri Bottas: I am of the opinion that the quite people have the funniest thoughts

Max Verstappen: dude people with that much trama are the funniest ever. But he is drunk so its a toss up if hes louder or quiter

Nico Hulkenberg: I stand by the fact that Dads are inherently funny in the formate of drunk history. there is something about dads that leads to very badly told history lessions that get funny once you add alcohol

Charles Leclerc: dude would just go on so many tangents I want to ee what the skits would turn into cause how the hell would they work a freaking dog and max verstappen into something like the french revolution (side note if it was anything french this man would 100% clarify a LOT that he is not french even if he is covering french history)

Kevin Magnussen: again Dad engery is hilarius

Franco Colapinto: THe fact that he wouldnt be able to keep on track would be funny, also think about him randomly slipping into spanish when telling a story thats like based on somewhere nowhere near a spanish speaking country

Pierre Gasly: dude would spend like half the episode speaking in french. Also think about all the times hed be like "yeah and that was a lot like the time x driver and x driver"

Carlos Sainz: He just doesnt strike me as funny drunk. though I do think his acting would be funny

Alex Albon: he would stick mostly to the script but the like 4 or 5 times he divates is funny enough to get this high

Logan Sargeant: I just want to see him fumble really long names. It would be a funny one where he would try like twice and than go lafieate is now going to be known as dave cause thats a hard name to say.

Liam Lawson: I feel like the guy would get so into it esspecially if its a war based episode. but like into it in a weird way that makes people go huh

Oscar Piastri: I dont think he would stray to far from the history itself

Zhou Guanyu: I dont htink there would be much straying from the script

Esteban Ocon: unless it was soemthing he generally liked it would be so very bland, and even then I dont think he would be drunk history funny

Lando Norris: I honestly think he would be more annoying than funny, and try to fource a joke but itll not work at all

Lance Stroll: I just dont think he can make funny jokes. If he has Ive never seen nor laughed at them.

Lewis Hamilton: He would be giggling and then the story would be kinda similar to brocedies so he would shut down fast.

George Russell: I think he just straight up wouldnt make sense or he would just straight faced tell the story with very little embeleshments.

[maxiemclaren]

Hey just saw ur asks were open, how abt one where reader teases Liam for being a bottle blonde when dying his hair for him? Just filled with FLUFF🤭

Love ur Logan piece btw, he deserved so much better than that 😭

Bottle Blonde

Pairing - Liam Lawson x fem!reader

Warnings - light teasing mainly fluff

Summary - Liam asks his girlfriend to help dye his hair because he’s not a natural blonde

a/n - love this request! And thank you for the love about the Logan piece!

“Babe can you come here for a second please” You hear your boyfriend yell from the shared bathroom. What you walk into is a sight to see, the box from the hair dye completely ripped to shreds like an animal had gotten into it. But that’s not the only thing you are curious about, it was the fact that your boyfriend was sitting on the counter of the bathroom, using his foot to hold up his phone as another mirror to make sure he has covered the back of his head. “What the actual fuck did I just walk into?” you said genuinely confused and a little concerned that he could bend in such a way.

Liam has managed to climb down from the counter and looked at you with pleading eyes “Can you please help me love, I just can’t get the back of my head” shaking your head with a chuckle “Babe, I think you need help with your whole head, it looks like shit if I’m being honest” Liam looks at you with a pout and hands you the bleach in the little bowl along with the little brush. “Okay, so here is what we are going to do, I need you to put on the little cape that we have under the sink, and then sit on the toilet so I can fix this mess. Otherwise you are going to look like a corn chip and that is another problem,” you say gesturing to his hair which looks patchy and caked on. 

After a few minutes you have managed to save his hair for the meantime, while waiting for the bleach to do its thing you ask your boyfriend what went so wrong. “Well at first I couldn’t open the damn box so I ripped it open, then I made the mixture too thick and I figured that I didn’t want to bother you so I tried to make it work” he said moping. “I see, but just because I was doing something doesn’t mean I wouldn’t or don’t want to help you babe,” you said, placing a gentle kiss on his lips, a loud alarm startling the both of you but telling you it’s time to rinse out the bleach. 

Now that the bleach has been rinsed out your boyfriend's head looks like a corn chip with the god awful shade of yellow that is, you grab the toner and conditioner. Giving his head a massage while you scrub the toner in to get rid of the corn chip look, he is practically falling asleep. So you decide to rinse his hair for him, having him lean against the bathtub, you use warm water and run your hands through his hair making sure to rinse the toner out. He seems so content that you dry his hair for him and then put in some of what he calls ‘fancy hair care’ but it is quite literally just hydrating oil for the now even more dead hair on his head. 

Crawling into bed later that night you are snuggled up right beside him. He’s stroking your hair like you were doing just mere hours ago to him. Whispering in your ear he simply states “Thank you for fixing my mess of my hair and taking care of me all the time” pressing a kiss to the side of your head. “Anytime my love, I actually find it quite soothing to do your hair” you say before drifting off to sleep.

[orbweaverspidergirl]

Chapter 1: i was born waiting for that something

summary: Orbweaver, Gotham's one and only spidergirl. A hero for only a year, she's easily recognizable from her brown spider suit, and six-eyed mask. But, without the mask, she's Nicole Lawson, the "unwanted" daughter of Bruce Wayne. She didn't mind it, not too much, but after the death of her mother and the exposure of her identity, her life is in shambles.

tw: mentions of blood, mentions of a bruise, mentions of being bit by a spider, low self-esteem?

You always smell the blood first before you feel it. It rushes through your nose, as it splatters onto the ground. Then, you feel it. It squelches against your suit, making you wince. You take out Joker’s goons, right and left. A punch, a kick, a spin, repeat. There was no time to breathe through the blood and sweat, you could only fight, you could only protect. There was nothing in the moment except you. You are, Orbweaver, this world’s one and only Spiderwoman. 

You felt the aftermath of last night as you woke up. Your knuckles were still covered in blood, and you feel a big ass bruise covering half of your face. You groan as you sit up, and you heave, trying to breathe. Fuck, you might’ve broken your ribs. You try to shuffle to the bathroom, everything hurts, but you’re successful. Your hair was frizzy and unkept, and the plum curls lacked their original shape. 

You hastily open your cabinet and grab the makeup bag. It’s messy inside, its continents spilled. You sigh, digging through to grab your foundation and concealer. You pull them both out, but your hand is now caked with glitter and varying eyeshadows. You make a face in disgust and wash your hand away. Damn, you wish you had makeup wipes, but water will have to do. Soon after you conceal your face the best you can with the makeup. 

You close your eyes and breathe in, then out. Today’s Friday, the last day of the school week. You just have to get through today, and then go to work, and finally patrol. You’re tempted to skip, but you remember your truancy letter and push the thought aside. You walk out of your room and head to the kitchen. Your mother is crashed out on the couch, and you smile. She looks peaceful, you think, as you put a bagel in the toaster. 

Your thoughts take you to today’s assembly. Bruce Wayne and his kids are supposed to show up, and you feel a touch of jealousy. Bruce Wayne was your father, and he left your mother after a one-night stand. He takes care of you and your mom, more than you could ask for. But you can’t help but be envious when you see him with his other children. You’ve met some of them before, Dick and Jason, Damian as well. 

They’re alright people, but they aren’t your people. You pull the strawberry cream cheese out the fridge and smooth it onto your bagel halves. That’s what you remind yourself, that the Wayne family isn’t your family, and that’s okay. 

You were fifteen when you first got bit by the Butterfly Orbweaver. You were in the school’s gardens, skipping your math class. You were happier then, you think. You didn’t have to worry about the blood of innocents, not then. Butterfly Orbweavers are not known to have a strong bite, they’re harmless, and yet... 

You felt its poisons merge with your DNA. Your eye, a lovely shade of blue, now a corroded brown. You remember how much pain you were in, you felt as if you were on fire. You tried to leave the garden, but every damn thing stuck to you. Web came out of your hands, like it merged with your skin, and you couldn’t breathe. 

You remember calling out for help, but no one came. No one heard your pleas of desperation. You got up eventually, and you began to run. Your legs carried you faster than ever, and you felt as if you could hear everything, see everything. You felt changed, different than before, and yet, you still felt like nothing. It was never enough; it never would be enough.

But you felt like it was. For once in your life, you felt like you were worth something. People began to notice you. Maybe not Nicole, you, but Orbweaver. They began to notice her, and that was nice. It was nice to be seen, to be loved. You waited for so long to be good enough. For Bruce, for the press, for your mom. 

But nothing is for free. You suffered, too. Orbweaver became targeted. You became wanted by the worst villains in fucking Gotham. Joker, Scarecrow, Poison Ivy, Bane, you could go on. Hit after hit, blood and bruises, skin removed from scars. You were hollowed out when you learned to be Orbweaver. If you were lucky, the other vigilantes would be merciful. They’d watch out for you, and you them. But mercy was a privilege, and not one you often allowed, not anymore.

You saw him, Bruce. He nodded at you when entered the gym, and you nodded back. You felt weird because he was being weird. He never even looked at you before, so why now? Not just him, but Dick waved at you, Jason as well. You didn’t know them, not well enough anyways, so why are they being kind? You didn’t like it. Something was wrong, and you didn’t need your spider senses to tell you that.

“Nicole, I love you, but don’t you think you’re being extra? I mean, your family acknowledged you. Y’know, like families do.” Your friend, Katie, says with her mouth full of green beans from the school's lunch.

Nylah, your girlfriend, chimes in, “I understand where she’s coming from Nic. I mean, how long has Bruce been ignoring you and your mom? It’s about time he starts to care. Also, Katie stop, that’s nasty.” She glares at the ginger. 

You scoff, mushing your fork into the lasagna. “It’s just weird, he never cared before,” you sigh, “Also Katie, that is nasty.” You point your fork at her, smirking. 

She rolls her eyes, “What? Is it hate on Katie day or something?!” 

Nylah snorts, “Obviously.” You admire Ny. She’s pretty, you think. The sun shines off of her dark skin, and her studs go well with her larger nose. Her lips are full and pink, and you catch yourself staring at the girl. She catches you staring at her, and she smiles. Her pearly, white teeth, coming out. 

Katie looks between the two of you and rolls her eyes once more. “Oh my god. You two are so fucking gay.” You and Ny chuckle, and you lean your head on her shoulders. 

“Just because you are single and lonely, Kat, doesn’t mean we have to be.” You say, and then you press a kiss to your girlfriend’s cheek. 

“Boo, y'all hate just because I’m ginger.” Ny giggles, and you feel good again. This feeling won’t last forever, but you’re okay with that. 

A/N: Merry Christmas or happy holidays! Thank you all to those who have liked and followed! Also, the first divided (the one that separates the chapter and the first paragraph) should have a link for the song of the chapter.

[kyuuxmizu]

So I finally tried all the gntm collabo food I bought from Lawson 100 XD

1) Kagura-chan's TKG (tamakakegohan) onigiri

Well, the filling tasted like egg and soy sauce (as expected XD) It had a weird bitter aftertaste tho. Was it the soy sauce that they used? I wonder if I ate an expired one...😵‍💫 I doubled checked.. the date was ok....

2) Okita's spicy onigiri

I think it's torimeshi? It's spicy alright (I have a low spice tolerance tho XD)

3) Fried potato (sour cream)

These fried potato boxes come with an illustration card (I got a Shinpachi!)

The potatoes were similar to Jagariko (or was it Jagabee? 🤔) Sour cream flavour was lacking tho.. 🥲 huhu

4) Shinpachi's glasses style bread

well, it was just 2 choco donuts stuck together. Nothing really special (I love donuts tho XD)

5) Uji Gintoki-style ohagi

Deconstructed version of ohagi (botamochi)

Actually this is the first time I've tried ohagi... And I was pleasantly surprised with it, considering I am not a huge fan of azuki (sorry Ginchan huhu). The texture of the rice cake itself was similar to rice cakes in my home country which I totally miss eating huhu.... Out of all the 5 food collabo I've tried, this turned out to be my fave.. I didn't expect to like it as much. maybe because it reminded me so much of home? 🥲🥲🥲 (Note to self: you must not get homesick!!!)

(btw, my least fave ones were the onigiri huhu sorry my beloved okikagu)

Anyways, I'm going out again tomorrow to hunt for the Hiji and Eli bread XD

[itsblasttothepast]

I live the idea of rumours game! Can I start?

Okay so:

If it's the media it either:

Sergio already doesn't have a seat and is just showing a good face (because of course he would keep saying that he's staying if he was fired, duh) an of course Liam took it

(If it's Crofty's wet dream) Yuki gets a run in RBR but fails (so he can be openly degrading him) and Franco gets the seat (whe Crofty likes Franco and hates Checo is beyond me but I guess it has something to do with Nico Rosberg supporting Sergio once or twice)

If it's from Helmut:

Sergio gets fired and they release the announcement right before the last race to humiliate him even more and force him to be nice to the media, Yuki gets sacked too because why not and Liam takes the seat (preferably for him both seats probably)

He pulls out another blue eyed blonde from his laboratory and fires everyone, there is just one mega driver who wins everything

He doesn't have to choose a driver because EVERYONE wants to be in his team (let's talk about delusions) and he can get both Oscar and Liam because who would say no to him? He probably has Lando somewhere in his plans too so yeah.

And if it's just Horner:

Sergio gets abducted by aliens so he doesn't have to fire him and face another scandal, Daniel comes back (because he misses him and that's it) and they can drool over each other again

They Done fire anyone but make the team have a car for every driver they want to have and RBR dominates by blocking other drivers on the track

Oh and how could I forget, if it's the racist fans:

Sergio gets sacrificed in a ritual burning so they can watch him suffer more and say it's his fault for not being white, Liam or Daniel gets the seat (I don't care which one, they are the same to me) and they have a party

All right anon, game on! Let's see....

For the media:

I raise your Crofty saying Franco is getting the RBR seat, and add that he claims Checo won't end the season and will be replaced by Brazil or Las Vegas.

In the European press wet dreams, Liam Lawson will finish RBR season with Max (wet dream of Lawson) and Checo will either finish his season next to Yuki in Visa/Alpha Tauri, or they will call Daniel back.

Helmut is hard (haha, bad and dirty joke), he spews rumors like he gets paid for each one, so coming with something even wilder than his usual shit is difficult.

Here's the one I think it will win: Marko claims that Charles Leclerc and George Russell wants the RBR seat and had been talking to him about it... wait, he already said that about George... or was it Horner? Those two often mix things up and I forget who says more ridiculous things. All right, I'll stick with Leclerc.

Horner is becoming a villain in my book, so my take is that he feels Checo does TOO MUCH SPONSORSHIP and he better leave RBR and become a toiler paper star (hey, in his words, Checo does a lot of sponsorship and he mentioned the toiler paper thing), so Daniel (who Horner drools over) has to come back to drive because Checo is just too distracted.

My favorite it's the one from the racist fans, I don't think I can top that one. Human Sacrifices always take the cake, so here you totally win anon!

[laxmiree]

[CN] MLQC Lucien's Through Thousands of Mirrors event translation (Day 5 - Monday)

Through Thousands of Mirrors Event | Day 1 | Day 2 | Day 3 | Day 4 | Day 5 (You're here!) | Day 6 | Day 7 | HS/Uni SSR Story: Monochrome Scenery

-

special thanks to ivi (@ivioivioivi on twitter) for helping me with that last part 🫶

-

[PREVIEW]

A perfect week starts with morning prepping.

Lucien opens the textbook and reads through all the content that will be covered today.

He closes the textbook, then mentally connects and integrates the knowledge.

Ok, it's time to go to class!

-

[NEUROSCIENCE]

In Dr. Lawson's neuroscience class, there are occasional pop quizzes.

The first question can be answered with common sense, the second question is doable if you've reviewed the textbook, and the third question covers the material from the previous class, so it's quite easy.

The final question: "Discuss in 20 words the correlation between the prefrontal cortex, human behavior, and choice patterns in stressful environments."

Uh?

"P.S. Just kidding. Draw a cat in the upper left corner of your answer sheet for bonus points."

.......

"P.P.S. It would be even better if it's a tabby cat. An extra point for those who draw a tabby cat."

.....Okay.

-

[COGNITIVE SCIENCE]

Lucien looks at the cognitive science lesson plan and has a sudden inspiration.

It would be interesting to research a method that makes the brain receive or process information in a fixed manner.

He thinks Dr. Lawson would refuse the project proposal due to ethical concerns.

And if BS were to propose this direction, his research freedom would be restricted.

You can't have your cake and eat it too*.

[T/N: "鱼和熊掌不可兼得" (yú hé xióng zhǎng bù kě jiān dé) (lit translated to: You can't have both fish and bear's paw) is a Chinese idioms that means you can't have both at the same time. It's similar to the English saying, "You can't have your cake and eat it too."]

-

[BIOMEDICAL SCIENCE]

When you have many classmates aspiring to become physicians around you, there is always a loving and friendly atmosphere in the biomedical classroom.

But when your classmates start discussing how to prevent hair loss, this atmosphere dissipates.

Lucien touches his own hair, there shouldn't be a problem.

-

[FREE TIME]

Besides observing the passing students, Lucien also enjoys observing the small animals on campus.

Chickadees, crows, squirrels...

Um?

Lucien looks at his empty hands and understands why the squirrels on campus are particularly big and strong.

-

[LAB]

Lucien really likes his "workstation" in the laboratory.

The desk isn't large, but it's by the window, providing him with an environment where he won't be easily disturbed, and it just a bit sunny in the afternoon.

It's quite suitable for keeping some plants.

-

[LAB]

The beauty of science lies in its rigor, in the certainty reached through numerous hypotheses and repeated proofs.

And perhaps it also lies in the uncertainty of all possibilities during the process and the journey of venturing into the vast unknown.

-

[LAB]

Dr. Lawson treats people cordially and enjoys having open discussions with all kind of questions with students.

When facing Colt's statement that seems to come out of nowhere, "Capable people can be arrogant," Dr. Lawson also shares his own opinion.

"I think that arrogance should be directly proportional to one's achievements."

Lucien nods and says, “I also think we should always examine ourselves.”

Dr. Lawson raises his head with little cunning smile : “No, what I mean is for you to get a bit more achievements.”

Lucien was choked.

[shoku-and-awe]

Maple cheesecake from the Lawson 100! Fluffier than most cheesecakes (more like a cheesy cake) but very pleasant with the layer of creamy filling. To be an asshole New Englander about it, the maple flavor *is* really artificial, but my sweet tooth still liked it a lot. And not just because Iggy was very clear that, if I didn't want it, he knew of a way to dispose of it. Also, would you look at his little face when I have something he wants?

[threemarys1927]

vegan christmas cake from nigella lawson

[aidenlyons]

R: ... I put him off the kid's scent. Haven't heard from Bancroft since. Don't really need his money. Bartending now. Less stress.

C: Watcher, Bartender? I can't imagine that.

Colby is trying not to laugh, hiding it behind his hands.

D: I've been thinking of getting out, too.

D: I've been doing this longer than either of you did. I'm kinda tired.

C: You do what you gotta do, D. Keep tellin' you that.

R: Yeah, screw em'. We're too old. Live your life. Find someone to hook up with.

D: Lookit this guy. Speaking from experience?

R: No one steady. But sure. There've been people.

C: I might have met someone. Not sure yet though. Someone comes around, helps with my farm sometimes. Flirts a little.

Colby shrugs, clearly not entirely sure about the situation.

All eyes are on Colby now.

D: Hang on.

R: When did this happen?

C: Last couple weeks, I s'pose. Like I said, not sure of anythin' yet.

D: I think it's great. You'll introduce us, when you're more certain, yeah?

C: If. Sure. Now if you're done. I got cake.

R: We're gettin' old, if you're hitting the big 4-0.

C: You and me both, Rocco. Least I don't feel it.

D: Good thing, with this farm to run.

R: Do you want us to sing to you?

D: I don't remember you singing that great.

C: Both of you keep the singing to yourselves.

R: Alright. Make a wish, then, boss.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"

C: D, if you don't put that horn down.. where'd you even get it?

D: Hehee. My jacket. Hid it earlier. Couldn't resist.

Once the candles are blown out, Colby glances at his phone when it starts ringing.

C: Go ahead and eat, I gotta take this.

Since the only others that might call him are there, and it's not Chase, there's really only one other person it might be.

C: Kaylie. Good to hear from you. How's your boy?

K: Oh, he's good. Minor surgery. He'll be going home, but.. I was thinking. I want to tell him. About Ed's last gift.

C: Good. He meant it for you both.

K: Would you come to Copperdale, for Winterfest? Help me tell Jake?

C: Are.. are you sure? I don't wanna interrupt.

K: You knew Ed well. I think it would be good. Please, Colby.

C: If that's what you want. I'll make arrangements.

K: Thank you.

C: You know it's no problem. I'll check on the place before I leave.

K: Thank you. Truly, Colby. You've done so much, looking after it and all.

C: Least I can do, after everything. Text me the particulars, ok?

K: Ok. I appreciate it.

D: And who was that?

C: Mrs. Lawson. Ed's widow.

For a moment there's silence.

R: Didn't know you stayed in touch.

C: I check in from time to time. Her boy's in college now.

R: Been that long, huh?

C: It has.

D: They alright?

C: Fair. Her boy was injured in a college football game. He'll be alright. You remember Ed was talkin' about finding a house for em, in Strangerville?

R: Hah, yeah. Couldn't find a place, as I recall.

C: He found a place. Here in Chestnut Ridge. I've been checking in on the property once in a while.

D: So that's why you chose Chestnut Ridge.

C: One of em'. Kaylie's not been sure what to do about it.

D: Her boy doesn't know about it? What was his name?

C: Jake. And no, but I got a feelin' she's going to now. We'll see what happens.

R: You alright, seein' em face to face?

C: Yeah. Gotta be. Kid deserves to know.

C: C'mon, enough of that talk. Lets go sit and catch up proper, huh?

R: Sounds good to me. Gonna get me another piece of that cake.

D: You've always been a glutton, Rocco.

R: I don't indulge that often, D.

D: In food at least.

C: Settle down, come sit.

"Yes, sir."

[emeraldbabygirl]

I feel like we need a shaman, not a priest but a shaman to come out here and bless the property. Not everyone around us even tho the land around us belonged to my mum’s relatives but those relatives are either dead and an assholes lives on their land or they’re moving or have moved. Like this land was ours, so many of the properties were given to my mum and her siblings or cousins as gifts on their 21st birthday and it’s all since been sold. We were the first once out here, we were out here when it was all just trees except my mum’s uncle’s house which got torn down and all the debris was pushed into our yard and what is now Bob’s yard and no I don’t care about privacy for assholes I will call them by their name as they deserve to be called out idc but then they built a house and the past two neighbors that have lived in the house behind us are putting us through hell. I believe the spirit of my mum’s uncle or the land was haunted and it’s possessed the bitch out back. I am being serious cause she was nice to us for 13 years but Bob fed her lies about who knows what and she believed them and faked being nice to us which pisses me off. Anyway I feel like the property, the last one in the family needs to be cleansed while we still have it like Bob is threatening to cut my bedroom out to put up his fence after he already took our yard the first time and now he’s threatening to do it again as if it was our fault the contractor fucked up the property lines and now we are suffering from all around us. Literally the whole neighborhood the whole street and down the block are on Suzy q’s side and it’s fucked up cause she started it and now she’s dragging neighbors into it when it ain’t none of their damn business. I just want the negative energy in the house on property to go away and cleanse out 10 feet of the drive that is our property but because of the idiots that lived behind us before they tricked my mum into a stupid easement and this bitch is telling everyone the whole shared driveway is hers so her and all her stupid friends go 80 down it and they park on our property and do what they want cause she said they could because she thinks she can do whatever she wants and say whatever and everyone around here believes her a backs her up. I think she’s evil and possessed by the Lawson’s the people that moved in behind us after us. We were here first and our property and home is being threatened by people who came way after us. Bob will never understand how expensive it would be to move the house, which is a mobile home on a concrete foundation, and the property line. We’d have to uproot the septic and all kinds of shit. He wants to move but “can’t because of the property line” which is bullshit he could literally pack up his shit and leave and I wish him and Suzanne fucking would but everyone loves her cause she’s the cake lady who poisons people’s food and can’t cook or do anything for herself and blah blah blah I hate our neighbors. Who the fuck threatens someone over something we had nothing to do with and Bob is still holding a grudge against shit my father caused when he hasn’t even been here for 10 fucking years like touchy much?

Long story short I want someone to come bless and cleanse the house and property. If we were rich I’d buy them both out and tear down the houses and have it be all land and surround by one big fence all around the three properties. Or just keep the houses and cleanse the properties and my siblings could live in the houses, there’s a lot of possibilities but we are poor and we might, I might lose my bedroom “if we can’t be nice to suzannne” which is bullshit cause she’s not nice to us. I’m still so pissed off about this whole situation I just want her and Bob gone and we can get some real neighbors who act neighborly.

Anyway just a rant cause idk I can’t sleep and I want to go outside when they sleep and bang pots and pans together cause they make noises when my siblings and I try to sleep. They’re so disgusting and disrespectful and mean and ugh and UGH I HATE THEM. At least my father fucked off and left us alone after awhile, she can’t even do that she keeps harassing us and always films us when we’re on our own property like she literally sent us this nasty text after she yelled at us cause we told her her friends can’t park on our property and she needs to stop feeding my dogs

She also pried the wires in the fence open so she could feed my dogs and that’s why they never ate and I couldn’t put them in the pen at night cause they were all riled up and shit. And the driveway again is literally 30 feet hers and 10 feet ours and if she wants to do anything to it like putting gravel like she just did she HAS to ask us first and she fucking didn’t cause she thinks the whole driveway is hers. All because we told her no twice she’s been an absolute cunt because she’s so used to everyone kissing her ass. Bob’s so far up her ass he’s kissing the back of her tongue. I just hate that she thinks she can be mean and and cunt to us and then everyone else believes she’s wouldn’t hurt and fly. She would literally shoot a fly she’s crazy and now she’s got everyone in the neighborhood on her side even tho she’s fucking wrong ugh. Sorry for the rant this has been bothering me for a week. I think she needs an exorcism or the looney bin tbh

[eemcintyre]

Most iconic moments from @discombogulated and I's movie marathon

Cocktail

Girl was exceedingly bothered and confused by that camera zoom during Doug's crabs line (and aren't we all tbh) 👀

She also lost her mind over the waterfall side boob moment and said she could "see the shadow of a TONGUE" during the "Shelter of Your Love" montage where they're kissing on the beach bc the picture on my TV is so flippin dark that we could hardly see more than just a black screen during that scene

Hollow Point

During the scene where Max is dangling from the hood of Lawson's car, she commented on his "cake" RIP to me 🍰

The moment the credits began to roll, she first said "What the hell?" followed right after by "Why was that kinda the greatest thing I've ever seen?" 10/10 summary of the whole movie right there 👏🏻

She enjoyed quoting the Garrett Lawson "I'm numb" the rest of the week

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision

The way we were screaming during the court scene early on with those green-tinted camera angles that are nothing less than acid to the eyes 🥲 this movie has some of the worst cinematographic choices I've ever seen

When we finally got the first complete view of ""young"" TIG she immediately scREAMED "HE LOOKS LIKE BENJAMIN FRANKLIN" and then we died

Hearkening back to one of the first films we watched together ("Pretty in Pink"), she noted that Jason Scott Lee disconfirmed our previous thought that Andrew McCarthy had the market cornered on the style of acting where one just widens their eyes and figures that will be enough to convey the spectrum of human emotion

Rather than realistic and normal doctor attire, bestie observed that MPK looks like she's wearing a sexy doctor Halloween costume

We actually listened to the lyrics of the end credits song and hUH- Lyrics of "Piledriver" by amoebaassassin 🤨🤨???

Anyway we decided it is our civic duty to write a "Timecop 3" where we go back in time to prevent "Timecop 2" from being made

Far and Away

She was as thrown off as I was by the random change to that ugly wavy font for the title card in the opening credits

Finally found out the name of the little bowler hat boy who works for Mike Kelly and who I love so much and exclaimed- "Ohhhh his name is Dermody!" 🩷 to which she replied: "And what a name it is."

Although she wasn't fooled as bad as I was the first time I saw it, she was also concerned by how long they draw Joseph's "death" out, and, though she had initially correctly guessed that he would come back, as they kept panning further out, she eventually yelled "Say 'sike' right now"