#(but he forces himself to not object sdfsdafsad constantly learning to accept)

[respondedinkind]

I wholeheartedly believe anyone in your position would have turned bitter forever. Turning to anger is one of the most tempting human vices. You could have given in; You didn't.

Those spoken words cause Khan to inhale without him even being able to stop the action from happening; Nostrils flare as his lungs are filled, accompanied by blue eyes flicking away, falling seconds later, glancing at the drink that's being held by slender fingers, curled around the cool glass.

A swallow follows, a brief purse of full lips that display a wave of emotion crashing through a sturdy frame; Khan did give in, after all, and he had been bitter for almost all the time ever since Marcus had awoken him, forced a superior mind and loyal heart to take what had been dished out to him. Two of his family have died, killed by a pair of wrinkly fingers and a wicked smirk - and when Khan had tried to flee, been discovered, there was no doubt existing within him that the Admiral had followed up by killing all the remaining ones of what he holds most dear.

Khan knows, however, that the younger man is speaking about now, about everything that had happened after him surrendering on Kronos; Instead of turning against those people on board of the Enterprise, Khan had allowed himself to put some sort of trust into this very peculiar and yet so capable Captain. They had infiltrated the Vengeance all by themselves, with the help of that Chief Engineer, taken control of the vessel and... well.

Khan could have handled all of it much differently, after all: Taken out both Kirk and Scotty, made sure the Admiral's daughter wouldn't intervene, killed Marcus with his own hands and then demanded his crew back - the seventy-two torpedoes, sitting within the belly of the Enterprise. Once done, he could have ended those people's lives and then made his way out into the vastness of space---

---He did not. He'd forced himself to not act out on his ongoing urges, and this might have saved his life here - as well as the lives of his sleeping family, currently resting back on Earth, waiting for their own former Captain to pass this test the Federation has allowed him to go through. Perhaps, depending on how well Khan will do, his people will get a second chance, allowed to be alive - on a different planet, perhaps, where they can build their own society, make their own rules...?

All of this is far in the future, out of grasp for now; Khan pushes those thoughts to the side, takes another breath before bringing the glass back up to his lips, followed by a slow-blink.

---The brief urge to comment on Jim's words is rising, the need to remind him of the fact that he did give in, in fact, and that this is why the blond had lost that one father-figure he'd felt so close to... But no, Khan does not. He's sure that Kirk knows, will never forget about that painful moment in his life, and perhaps Khan just needs to take his words for once, let them stew a little. Maybe it's an additional offering of peace, in a way, especially since there's more words following - a possible exchange of people decades from now, thinking about the Enterprise and that man who has lived for centuries...

Oh, part of Khan wishes that all of this will be the case, that he can be remembered as a man who did precisely that: Turned his life around after having lashed out before. Ruled over earth, killed people, but then decided to do good... such things. Maybe, just maybe, things will be okay...

...A smirk replaces that previous purse of full lips, and the act even reaches his eyes when that tease follows; Khan hums out a low noise, takes another sip, then forces himself to relax as he looks back at that man who has turned into what he would consider a... friend, perhaps.

A friend. That's... impressive to think about. Who would've thought that they would do this - sit together, have a drink?

"---I have to.", is the reply given, and Khan is very much exaggerating his own behavior here, in return to the younger Captain's previous teasing; He chuckles, just for a fraction of a second, then exhales a breath that has been stuck inside his chest for a long while. "...And I certainly hope to be able to do it. As we have established, after all, we're both expecting each other to be remembered on a positive note, am I right?"

And with that, Khan lifts his own drink and holds it toward the other, offering to clink their glasses together - to seal the deal, perhaps.

how  much  his  opinion  changed  on  the  man  accompanying  him  is  nothing  short  of  miraculous.       after  the  trial,       Jim  had  no  expectations  whatsoever  that  they  would  become  good  friends,       let  alone  have  conversations  beyond  what  their  respective  jobs  demanded  or  a  simple  good  morning  that  he  throws  to  every  crew  member  on  his  ship.       the  weight  of  their  past  would  be  too  much  to  bear       &       that  they  would  drift  apart.

that  was  it       ;       that  was  the  expectation.       &       yet  reality  continues  to  blossom  differently.       truthfully,       Kirk  never  thought  he’d  feel  comfortable  listening  to  him  this  long,       not  feel  a  tinge  of  regret  or  the  ghosts  of  his  past  sticking  their  heads  out  from  the  shadows  of  his  mind  to  remind  him  of  what  had  happened,       of  what  he  could  never  change.

instead,       he  is       WILLING,       even  excited,       to  listen.       he  doesn’t  compliment  Khan  as  often  as  he  should  be  complimented.       however,       he’s  one  of  the  most  efficient  officers  he’s  ever  worked  with,       &       given  the  progress  they’ve  made,       who  knows  what  will  happen  later       ?      

his  comment  about  keeping  his  name  is  what  he  expected  of  him.       at  least,       THAT       was  one  thing  that  didn’t  deviate  from  his  guess.       he  can  see  it  in  his  calm  blue  eyes,       a  kind  of  spite  that  would  also  surround  his  irises  if  he  had  a  similar  story.      

indeed,       almost  everyone  gets  handed  shitty  cards  to  play  the  game  of  life  with,       but  they  make  do.      

they  find  a  way.       &       their  names  are  more  than  what  they  serve.       he  cannot  physically  stop  himself  from  gluing  his  gaze  onto  his  profile       ;       his  lips  are  slightly  parted  as  he  takes  in  the  subtle  rain  of  compliments.       so  this  is  what  he  thinks  of  him       :       special,       distinct.      

❝          THANK  YOU,          ❞       he  says,       realizing  how       LOST       for  words  he’s  become  after  his  friend’s  small  speech.       it  goes  through  him.       it’s  clear  as  day  that  it  impacts  him  profoundly.       ❝          but  don’t  sell  yourself  short.       i  wholeheartedly  believe  anyone  in  your  position  would  have  turned       BITTER       forever.          ❞       Jim  is  sure  that  if  it  were  him,       he  would  be  dead  by  now.

❝          turning  to  anger  is  one  of  the  most  tempting  human  vices.       you  could  have  given  in       ;       you  didn’t.          ❞      

if  anyone  understands  the  frustration  of  feeling  like  he  will  never  be  able  to  make  up  for  his  mistakes,       it  would  be  Jim.       while  it’s  true  that  captain  Pike  will  have  a  special  place  in  his  heart,       he’s  not  the  only  person  he’s  lost.      

his  crew  suffered  losses  before       &       he,       to  this  day,       thinks  the  burden  is       HIS       to  carry.       all  he  can  do  is  go  forward  to  honor  them.       all  Khan  does  is  honor  his  promise  to  the  captain  of  the  Enterprise       &       hope  for  a  semblance  of  peace.      

❝          i  know  history  tends  to  talk  about  a  starship’s  captain  more  than  its  crew.       i  feel  that  Enterprise  will  be  an  exception.       it  will  speak  of  its  officers,       too.          ❞       Jim  loves  the  spotlight.       but  without  his  crew,       how  far  could  he  have  possibly  gone       ?      

❝          they  will  say  ‘hey,       remember  that  man  who  ruled  the  world  then  decided  to  serve  it       ?’.       ‘he  turned  his  life  around,       maybe  we  should  have  more  hope’.       ‘what  about  that  Khan  guy       ?       he  was  as  smart  as  Mr.  Spock’.       i  can  already  hear  it.          ❞       his  laughter  is  barely  audible.      

❝          CAN  YOU       ?          ❞       he  adds  with  a  serious  voice,       his  Khan  voice  —  or  his  futile  attempt  at  sounding  like  him.       ❝          sorry  i’m  not  trying  to  make  fun  of  you.       turning  questions  around  is  one  of  your  little  quirks  i  find  amusing.          ❞