#(being myself is wicked. i have to be someone else. even without a personality. ny identity must be in Christ)

[yeslordmyking]

1 Corinthians 6:11 — Today's Verse for Wednesday, October 4, 2023

[land-of-enchanted]

Lord Of Shadows by Cassandra Clare

9/10 stars

Lord of Shadows by Cassandra Clare per usual CC fashion wrecked me into a thousand pieces. I seriously had trouble reading this at times because the emotions I felt and the attachment I felt for these characters made me scared. I have actually read The Mortal Instruments, and The Infernal Devices, so I am familiar with Cassandra Clare style, and her patterns. However, this didn’t stop me from starting Lady Midnight and then reading Lord of Shadows

Spoilers Ahead

Lord of Shadows picks up where Lady midnight left off, and so much happened in this book its kind of insane. I think I am going to do this in a list form of things that happened. (Nothing in a specific order)

1. Kieran getting kidnapped by his father aka Unseelie King

Mark, Julian, Christina, and Emma go into the seelie realm to save Kieran from being assisted by Unseelie King after they learn from Gwyn what is happening. The whole area was the Unseelie king is a dead zone for all shadowhunter magic. I thought this was pretty interesting because I want to see how the Shadowhunters would react that, however, it's something I have seen before while reading Carry On by Rainbow Rowell. Even though it wasn't a new concept it was new for the world she had created and it was interesting to see how the character of this world would deal with it. During this quest, we learn that Kieran can't remember that because of him both Julian and Emma were almost whipped to death. I really like that she brought back Keiran back to the story because I really liked Mark and Kieran together. 

2. The relationship between Keiran x Mark x Christina

Now, this was interesting because I am not a huge fan of love triangles. They actually annoy the sh*t out of me. Also, I think that a lot of people when they write these they never create both suiters evenly. However, like what happened in The Infernal Devices I love both suiters for Mark. It's actually hard to know who Mark will choose because Mark and Kieran have so much history and chemistry. I truly like their story because you know they are two people who went to something traumatic and they sort got through it because they had each other. However, I can't rule out that Kieran betrayed Mark. On the other side, Mark and Christina have something there. Something that is electric that pulls them to each other.  Then, I'm not sure if I just interpreted this wrong, but I think there something starting between Keiran and Christina which would be interesting. (Please let me know if I'm crazy and read that wrong).

3. Julian and Emma Tragic Love Story

Can we talk about a more tragic love story? Like Romeo and Juliet tragic. I actually the characters separately and I love them as a couple. Julian to me at the end of the day he is a kid at heart and he was someone who had to grow up to fast in a world where everything is very cruel. Julian, unlike her other main male characters, is really interesting because his actions and words are always keeping in mind of keeping his younger siblings safe. I find it interesting that you can see that he doesn't care about becoming the bad guy if he keeps his family safe, and there is something beautiful and sad about it. Emma, on the other hand, is strong, powerful, a warrior, however, she is also a girl just dealing falling in love with the one person she is not supposed. Even then there is so much more her to that she really wants to protect her family and Julian. I am a sucker for a good romance story. Their love story is a beautiful tragedy because they could be other, but they have to either break ALL parabatai bonds or become mundanes. They try so hard to stay away from each other because Julian can't afford to lose his mind because of his siblings. They even go to Robert Lightwood/Clave for help them to stay away. I actually don't know how this love story is going to end and that makes me nervous because I desperately want them to be together. 

3. Annabel Blackthorn.

All I have to say is this b*tch. I can’t even talk about what she did because this is me. 

4. The Wonderful Adventures of Kit, Ty, and Livvy

I have to admit one of my favorite trios ever because everything about them was so much and cute. These characters just work so well together. 

5. Kit and Ty aka KitTy

I ship this so hard that I can’t even.

They are truly really cute and I hope we get to saw them together as a couple. I don't think they would work well as parabatai because I'm afraid that we would have another Julian and Emma problem in our hand. Besides that, Kit and Ty are truly cute because I don't think they truly see their feeling for each other. Everything about the two of them screams innocent, and I feel it's pretty fitting that their ship name is Kitty. Ty is autistic, however, on the level of it I don't know (I'm not a doctor). Ty (I think) is portrayed pretty well, and know people who are in the same situation as Ty and those who are in the same situation as the family. I like Ty because I find him interesting, and I find him so complex. When I feel like I know this character there he comes in and blows me away. 

6. Diana and Gwyen

I had zero expectations for this couple, however, they are freaking cute and I love how Gwyen just accepts her and doesn't judge Diana. 

7. Diana is Transgender

I had a big feeling that Diana was hiding something, but I didn't think that it was she was Transgender. I seriously never expected it. While I was reading the passage about her journey, and how she always knew she was a girl and not a boy. I actually felt like I was going to cry. I could never come to fully understand how that must feel being trapped in a body that doesn't feel like your own, and that's alright because I'm not transgender. However, there is something so sad about it that pain and suffering and the discrimination and everything that goes with it. I don't know how any person who is transgender survives because I truly believe they are supermans and wonder women. I don't think I could do it, and I don't think I would have the strength. There is truly something beautiful about something who standing for themselves and saying this is not my body. I truly am inspired by how much strength it takes to do that, and from I know and learned about the whole process of transitioning is amazing how much strength these people have.  

8. Livvy is murdered by Ann Blackthorn

Waterworks happened here. The passage where Livvy dies I had to read it twice because I couldn't believe what I had just read. I seriously didn't think Livvy was going to die. I am going to be frank and thought it was going to be Dru who was going to die. (Did anyone else think that or is that just me?). I thought this couldn't be happening. Then the scene where Julian notices and goes to Livvy, and he has this moment as she passes away in his arms. That broke me. I have a sibling myself, and as much as he annoys the shit out me sometimes. I know that life is better with him in my life than without. (EW thank god he will never see this post). I cried because that pain and suffering that Julian felt weren't only of a brother but of a parent. Julian has been taking care of his siblings like they are his own children, and to see him a character who will do whatever it takes to keep his siblings safe lose one of them is so tragic because of how much I understand this character. Julian is a child of war. The Julian we see here is the Julian that came out of the Dark War. He had to grow up and protect his siblings from everything. He had to make sure that they were feed and taken care of. He pretty much became a parent at twelve. Livvy like all his siblings was what motivated them, and knowing that he lost her was too much. What also broke me is that Ty has lost his twin. Ty who is my son and I need to protect him at all cost. I am worried about him because losing a sibling is hard, but losing a twin must be even worse. That's someone who has been with you throughout your whole life. Someone who has pretty much celebrated every milestone with you. I seriously didn't see this coming especially since it was in the last 30 pages. 

9. Robert Lightwood is murdered by Ann Blackthorn

Robert Lightwood hasn't always been my most favorite character. However, I love Alec and Isabelle. When he died I got worried about Alec and him seeing his father there. Especially since the two of them has had a long journey about Alec's sexuality and Robert accepting it. It finally seemed like they were on good terms which took a lot of work on both parts. Then we have Isabel. My beautiful warrior princess of Isabelle who was brought to my attention won't have her father there for her when she walking down the aisle. That is just terrible. Frankly, this was another death I didn't see coming and I don't see the purpose of killing him because frankly the story centers around LA Institute and Alec is part of the NY Insitute. I was really shook though, and I just started crying because Alec and Isabelle lost their younger brother Max, and now their father. It's just too cruel. 

10. Malec 

BECAUSE I AM TRASH FOR A RELATIONSHIP LIKE THIS ONE. I just loved every fucking moment. That's all. 

11. Magnus & Tessa magic is running out 

I am really worried about my fabulous warlock Magnus, and the beautiful Tessa. Magnus is one of my favorite characters from this series because he is so multi-dimensional. I like Tessa and she was a great female lead from TID. Learning that their magic is running out quickly and that they are not feeling well makes me worried, and it makes me worried about what's going to happen in this book or it has to do with the next series (The Wicked Powers) she is working on.  

12. Dru and Jaime

This was an interesting pairing mostly because it confuses me. I actually don't know how to feel about. Like, I like the character of Dru, and I always want to see more of her because I don't think we had a lot of her. However, I don't know. At first, it was because I didn't trust Jaime because he hurt Christina, but later we learn why he did what he did and what he is currently doing. I still don't know what I'm supposed to feel because you can tell Dru has a crush on him but she is like 13 or something, and he is like 18ish. It's not a big age difference, but mentally it's really big. I also don't know how to feel about this. I do want to discuss more this with someone because I don't know if it was meant to be seen as a relationship in the future or a friendship. 

13. Zara aka the bitch I want to punch

14. Downworld/Seelie Racism/Discrimination

This was something that always interested me about the whole Shadow world that Cassandra Clare created because it mirrors life so much. In today’s time, we are shown so much racism and discrimination that is happening every day. I know some people have it so much harder than I do. I know that I'm pretty lucky for a Latina who lives the USA. However, I'm a person who can't stand disrespect. On one side of the coin, we have Zara and her father I believe represent the worst of humanity, but on the other side we have characters like Magnus, and Alec and Aline just to name a few who want equality and truly believe that everyone is equal. I have to admit at the end of this book I am really worried about downworlders. 

15. Seelie Queen wanting to Black Volume in return for helping Shadowhunters win against Unseelie King

16. Livvy Desvered Better!

Seriously like WTF I want her back and I want the misadvantures to continue. I loved Kit, Ty and her together. They were so much fun, and I can’t even deal. 

17. Zara's father's idea of putting trackers on warlocks. 

That is seriously the most disgusting thing I have ever heard. I can't even speak about.

[bpcparents]

Weathering the Storm

Mother Nature has her own way of reminding us what is important and maybe just how small we are.   Yet our actions during stressful events can keep us small or make us very big.   What lasting impression have we made.  My hope is that my children learned how to prepare, how to think through different choices/decisions, how to pack to leave your home for an undetermined amount of time, how to stay calm, how to think of others, how to be patient, and how to help.   Naturally, I like to think they have all these qualities already, such as thinking of others and being patient (for kids anyway), but these characteristics take on new meaning when you are feeling threatened or lack understanding.  

First and foremost we are very thankful that our family throughout Jacksonville and around Florida are safe and had little to no damage.   Of course, others as many of you may have seen were not so lucky.   The closest to a Hurricane I remember was Sandy while we lived in NY.  I recall my children looking out the window at a tree that had just crushed their play set when another smaller tree crashed into our kitchen door window.   I quickly made the kids and dog move into the hallway away from windows until we could board up the broken window. The key to us forgetting our fears during Hurricane Sandy was that we were ok, we did not lose our home, and time passed leaving us to move forward in our normal daily lives quickly and easily.  No matter what the situation is, in times of turmoil or uncertainty kids need as much normalcy as possible- they need to get back to a routine and to feel they can help without being burdened with too much responsibility.   

Hurricane Harvey hit Texas and left so much destruction.  My oldest and I had driven through Houston to drop her off at college just one week prior to Harvey hitting.  Hard to truly grasp the devastation from the television, I’m sure much like the Islands and Florida.  Then Irma hits pretty much all of Florida- wicked and wild.  The kids and I (and this year our dog joined us since he was still in NY during Hurricane Matthew) evacuated out of our home to someone else’s. Here is where the lessons started. Many people asked us why we were evacuating when our home was built so strong.  My constant answer was that we are in a mandatory evacuation area and I refuse to put someone else’s life at risk to save us if for some reason our house did in fact not “hold up.” Interestingly, our home never lost power during this storm and the surge this time wreaked havoc on the river instead of the ocean, but is it worth it to test my strength over that of a hurricane?  My answer is always no and I think my children absorbed that message. I’m not sure they understood the preparation part or how to pack to evacuate, but being kids I think they did well.

Promoting calmness was the easiest thing to do, especially with other adults around showing the same calmness. My youngest daughter somewhere over the last several years has panicked at the thought of tornadoes, but she seemed much calmer this year when the warning sounds came over the television and phones. She was certainly nervous but reassurance and calmness from the adults and being with a friend seemed to keep her at ease and distracted. 

The aftermath, wow- what a blessing for some and true heart wrenching disaster for others.  This is where patience, thinking of others and how to help comes in.  Listening to people once the calm comes after a storm is very interesting.  Some people are unbelievably rude, like the professor saying Harvey was retribution for Texas voting for Trump.  While others were truly helpful by posting advice and a list of things to do for all those involved in a flood.  We [people] are so quick to forget the sleepless night listening to the wind howl and the worry that something bad could happen, as long as it didn’t happen to us.  Listening to some people say the storm wasn’t that bad, I say Thank you to that, but this just promotes some people thinking they can defy mother nature for the next storm. Not me and hopefully not my children if they find themselves in a situation that warrants listening to the authorities for their own safety.   [Yes, even a simple Hurricane situation can be generalized to other situations in order for a parent to help our children recognize the importance of heeding an adults/authorities warning, well that’s my push anyway!].   

For the first time ever, I have witnessed first hand the destruction Mother Nature brings and yet the amazing love, concern and wholehearted giving of others. Friends of ours had their mothers home completely flooded (records indicated 27 feet of water in this area where she lived). No-one was hurt, minus the loss of one cat in the flooding, but everything in the house had to be thrown out. Some of the family pictures were laid out to dry in the sun, their grandmothers china was miraculously not broken under all the upturned furniture and refrigerator, and a few of the heirloom wood tables/walking sticks might be saved.  Of course, this is all just “stuff,” but when it is your stuff and it is all gone in a day it is very difficult to swallow.

The sunshine that comes after a storm is very symbolic of the joy that I felt watching so many people come to help my friends.  For my friends, they thought it was just the two of them trying to clean up this mess (plus a couple friends who jumped in).  But when an entire house has been filled with creek and sewer water and everything must be emptied in order to get to the floors and walls to rip out the carpet and rip down the sheet rock- a few people are just not enough.  Not to mention the downed trees blocking the driveway. Well, this is where the witnessing of humanity makes me proud.  Bless all the groups who came to jump in: The Michigan Electrical volunteers who cut the trees off the wires to help out the local electrical company to restore power, the group of Mormons from Atlanta and Jacksonville who had their own chainsaws with oil and gas (because all stores in area were out) and spent the day cutting up the trees blocking the driveway, the local HS band group with parents who came and literally lifted the upturned fridge and shoveled the rotten food off the floor, the church groups who came and helped to empty the rest of the house the next day, the food truck that came to this devastated neighborhood to cook baked beans and hamburgers and give it out for free, the neighbor who had a small truck with shovel to scoop up the creek sand off the driveway while taking a break from cleaning out his own flooded home, and possibly more that I am not mentioning.  This is what I want for my children: To be a community for each other even when you have no idea who they are because you live states away.  I DO NOT want them: to stress about getting into the top named college (I trust they will be successful in any college),  to be sheltered from bad things but understand how to make bad things manageable, and to focus on materialistic things in life, but to willingly give of themselves for others. 

Clearly you can tell I am blown away and I guess surprised by such generosity.  I’m sure at one point in my life this would have been amazing, but would have seemed normal.  But in today’s age where we are so disconnected from each other or consumed with our own lives I was so happy to see I was wrong to generalize or give up on people.  I was disappointed my children didn’t see this first hand and only heard about it and saw some pictures (we were concerned it might not be safe for them to help due to the water sludge bacteria, etc).  I think it truly makes a difference to see or experience something in order for it to become meaningful to you and therefore further shape you. However, I am ok being wrong about this too.  I mean the generosity and the tone and focus of community on the Hurricane relief special, Hand in Hand, was very moving.  It made me believe people could put aside their differences and hate and truly be compassionate.  If only it were lasting, but again another lesson for me and my children: I can only do one thing myself to make a difference and just hope its like a laugh, sneeze or cold and catches on to the next person.   

Mistie Eltrich Mistie has worked with children all her life, making it an official career when she became a School Psychologist in 1998.  Pursuing her dream, in 2001, Mistie earned her doctorate degree from Fairleigh Dickinson University.  She has worked in schools with children pre-school through high school, but mostly preschool through elementary aged schools.  She also worked in a special needs school (Gillen Brewer) in NYC. However, her biggest job has been to parent her four children (two were easier births as they are her step children- none the less hers). Being a parent is a constant review for her career and sanity, but most importantly her joy.