#(before someone sends hate to my inbox: you can draw her however you want. i just won't like it. this is a personal opinion not an attack)

[rustedleopard]

Made the mistake of looking up Ceroba on google and suffered from the ten thousand big tittied AI generated generic fox furry art attack. Cowards, all of them! This woman is a mother in her late-twenties to mid-thirties, is an alcoholic, and is in a massive depressive rut. Give her eye bags, make her hair start to go grey, make her look older and messy. Draw her in a way that aligns with her character instead of like every other fox furry design out there! Ugh!

[touyaspeach]

i’m a little confused ab the whole cyancherub situation cause from what it looks like cassie accused another writer of plagiarism only bc they used a very common trope used in fics and refused to solve the situation privately even tho the person she accused reached out to them several times. cassie didn’t even initially reach out to this person privately but instead brought the situation out on the blog inviting hate to the person once her followers figured out who she was talking ab. and then when the person she accused defended themselves bc they were receiving an influx of hate bc of cassie’s accusation all of a sudden they’re in the wrong?? there’s nothing wrong w defending urself when someone accuses u of something as serious as plagiarism. it would be worse if she just ignored the situation so she did the right thing by clearing things up publicly esp when cassie wouldn’t even respond to her messages trying to solve things and asking how she plagiarized her and considering ppl were in her inbox calling her a plagiarizer. the fic she’s talking ab is literally such a common trope and she didn’t create it. y’all are so weird for blowing this way outta proportion and her deactivating is literally her making herself a victim in a situation she created. u can’t start discourse and then get surprised by the outcome

Hi there! I'll try to clear up as much as I can, but know that I'm not directly involved in the situation, I only know what I've personally read and seen.

And I will go ahead an own up to my own bias as Cassie's friend, however I'll try to keep this response as unbiased as possible, okay?

First and foremost, I just don't understand how this whole thing got shifted from, "this person is maybe copying another person's fics, nearly line for line in some instances." to this whole trope thing? Because that's not at all what the concern was.

Cassia knows that tropes are tropes, she's not stupid. She knows that nobody owns anything. That was never even the issue. The issue was similarities crossing fics with similar themes.

Phrases, lines, scenes, those things matching up more often than not was the issue.

And, no, perhaps she didn't reach out when she should have and that's it's own deal, and despite that knowing she'd had Rubi's accounts blocked and didn't receive any messages. But you can't police what people do on their own platforms, especially since Cassie never called anyone out by name. If lines were drawn, it was because others made their own conclusions, not because she sent her fans after Rubi.

And even when Cassia brought it up, she begged people not to flood Rubi's inbox with hate, because that's not at all what was intended. However, not once did Rubi return the same gesture. Therefore, her fans swarmed Cassie's inbox with hate. Let me remind you; Rubi has considerably more of a platform that Cassie does.

If anyone is blowing this out of proportion, it's Rubi's fans who not only flooded Cassia's inbox, but are now sending these types of messages to the people who associate with her and defend her. Regardless of who is right or wrong in this situation, Rubi's fans are showing their asses by being overly aggressive and rude. And it's Rubi's fault for not calling them off, especially since Cassia never wanted this from the beginning.

Before I wrap this up, I do wanna mention that defending yourself from accusations is totally normal and expected. Rubi has every right to try and clear her name as she sees fit, however somehow this thing got boiled down to, "tropes cannot be owned," instead of the core issue of, "this person is taking too much inspiration from my work."

I'd like to link you to Rubi's own post, including the google doc she wrote up with her supposed proof. Here. And let anyone draw their own conclusions. Again, I'm only speaking from the perspective of what I've seen as Cassie's friend. And, naturally, as I do not personally associate with Rubi I'm siding with the person I'm familiar with. I hope I could clear some stuff up.

Overall I think this situation got blown way out of proportion when it could have been handled better, but it's said and done now.

[ethrenisnotthehero]

@hogwartsmystory is a predator (final)

If you haven’t read the other parts of this callout, I encourage you to start here. As in both previous posts, the normal tags are not included in order to allow this to reach as many people as possible. Potential triggers are listed below, and the main content is hidden to keep sensitive individuals from being unintentionally exposed.

TW: Pedophilia, Abuse, Gaslighting, Sexual Assault, Self Harm, Suicide, NSFW Topics, Faked Illness, Faked Mental Illness, Faked Death, Victim Blaming

Originally, I intended to craft this final part to you, the reader, as an emotional appeal. To be wholly honest, there’s only so much evidence that can be utilized without either forcing Jill to relive unnecessary trauma or exposing deeply intimate or personal parts of her life. Until now, everything I’ve told you and everything I’ve shown you is what was enough to convince me when Jill first reached out to me. If you, the reader, don’t believe the factual information that’s been presented so far, then I don’t think that you will. If you, the reader, believe Jill and her story, then no further evidence is going to magically make her story more true.

However, I don’t have to. Instead, I can let the friends-- the family--that Ren created on his website speak for themselves, and show you with their own testimony just the kind of person he was. Jill wasn’t the only person that Ren hurt. Jill wasn’t even the only person Ren preyed on as a sexual predator. Many people on staff, and many people outside of it, knew Ren and grew to have what they thought was a close relationship with him. People regarded him as someone to look up to, to find comfort in, to aspire after, to lean on; people thought of him as a friend and a hero in his community.

On April 12, 2021, at 9:57 AM Greenwhich Mean Time, the current administrators of Advanced Scribes issued a statement addressing Ren’s actions and his faked death. An additional announcement was made the following day. While the announcements themselves and the replies (including moderator statements) are publicly available, I have saved a print-to-PDF versions on Google for you to browse at your leisure. 

I intentionally waited until the initial panic and outrage died out a little to let the most important statements come to light. Included in the PDF are sentiments that I personally thought were the most important sentiments; edits have been made and pages have been deleted, so you can see the current state of the conversations by visiting them directly. You can find the first discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42100#p1454263 and the second discussion at https://advanced-scribes.com/viewtopic.php?f=13&t=42107#p1454361.

Before you continue reading, please look over the statements and replies. The words of former staff former friends say more than I can ever hope to about Ren and the kind of reality that he stood for. Additionally, Jill herself has added to the conversation (username Rakuen), so you can read a bit from her perspective by looking into these announcements. After you’ve taken a look, continue below and I will sum up my final thoughts on this predator and his legacy.

Advanced Scribes • Our Statement (PDF)

Advanced Scribes • Change (PDF)

The Act of Grooming, Part 3: Entrapment

One of the reasons that predators get away with their crimes for so long is because they trap their victims. When they gain access to and successfully lure in their prey, they then engage in entrapment behavior to separate victims from other people and build reliance. The reason why kids are so prone to predation is because of how vulnerable they are. Young people just want to belong. They just want to have community, security, and affection. When they can’t get those things in their lives, they seek it out and take it where they can get it even when the situation is obviously bad. Kids can’t be held accountable for being smart because they’re kids. Jill was vulnerable. She wanted belonging and support. She fell into Ren’s lures, and he trapped her. He used his affection as a tool to solicit sexual favors and pictures from her, but never shared his face with her. She was always chasing his love, and all the while he was simultaneously preying on other individuals in the community. For God’s sake, this man had a selfie thread where underage girls would send pictures of themselves publicly on the site for him to look at, and he even intentionally disabled the website’s COPPA features.

Before Jill, there was Buttercup. Buttercup was also an admin, and she was also 13 when she met Ren. While Ren was a minor during he and Buttercup’s relationship, his behavior with her was just as predatory and Buttercup attempted to warn Jill via PM before she ended her relationship with him.

The picture he sent Buttercup wasn’t even him.

The entire time that Ren was convincing Jill that Buttercup was evil, and jealous, and a spiteful, hateful person, he was manipulating her the same way he was manipulating Jill. Ren is a predator who knows what he’s doing; he always has. He draws in his victims and makes everyone hate them so that he’s the only person they have. He makes them so desperate for his approval that they let him screw them over time and time again, and for what? Just to see his face. Think about what you read. He didn’t just do this to Jill and Buttercup. He did this to every person he cheated with or got close enough to get a grip on. Even if he didn’t sexually exploit someone, he emotionally did. An entire community of people suffered through this over and over and over again. Read the statements again. If you only read the live version, read the PDF. 

I also want you to bear in mind that everyone on staff was equally a victim as they were an enabler. It doesn’t erase their responsibility, but their roles in this story or more nuanced than “moderator bad, burn the witch!” Some of Ren’s supporters were as young or younger than Jill when they met him. The two people most notorious for standing at his side right now were both “rewarded” with a relationship with him in the fallout of his faked death.  

At some point, this man looked at his behavior and not only decided that he didn’t need to take responsibility, but that his victims daring to try and claim some kind of ownership over their own story was a personal affront to him. 

Ren is a monster of his own creation. He chose to be that monster again, and again, and again.

What makes his enablers equally to blame is when they became adults and made a conscious choice to ignore what was happening, which brings us to the next topic.

Finally... How Old Was Jill?

Despite everything I’ve said and shared so far, I still get this question in my inbox.

How old was Jill? Did she lie about her age? Is she free of guilt because she was a kid? Did he know how old she was? Was she legal in her country?

I gave you all everything I had. There were some things I just couldn’t confirm because there was no proof either way. However, all of that changed when the announcements were released. I now know exactly how old Jill was when they began dating, exactly how old she was when people knew about their relationship, and even that Ren was public with all of this information. I also know that staff knew everything, and chose to do nothing.

As you can see in the screenshots above of Buttercup’s message, it was sent on Jun 17, 2015. At that time, Jill was 14 years old. By Buttercup’s estimation, they had been dating for around a few months, which is how I was able to discern the previous exact age of 14 years old at the time they began dating.

However, Ren himself refutes that fact in a Valentine’s post for Jill. As pointed out in the “Our Statement” thread, the post that user amnesia. references includes very sexual and disgustingly graphic descriptions of Ren’s activity with her. It also says this:

As per the timestamp of this particular post (as seen below), Jill was 16 at the time. Ren, a man claiming to be twenty-five years old at the time, was proud to admit that he had been with Jill since she was 13.

You can view the full PDF of this post to see what else he said here, but please be warned that his descriptions are NSFW and absolutely disgusting. 

Warm Fuzzies Post (PDF)

No adult should talk about a kid like that. In the statements, several staff members admit that they knew that the two were dating when she was 16, and that it grossed them out. But none of them did anything. To amnesia.’s credit, they claim they tried to pursue legal action but found no viable routes. 

From the discussions and statements, we can discern five things:

1. Jill was 13 when she started dating Ren. 2. She did not lie about her age. 3. Ren did not lie about her age. 4. Ren knew how old she was. 5. Staff knew how old she was.

Jill’s feelings and her opinions on staff and their behavior are separate from my own. She does not share my beliefs here, and I need to make it very clear that what I’m saying next is entirely my own opinion.

To everyone who was staff at that time: shame on you. It’s one thing to be a victim yourself and to not understand how or when to stand up for what’s right, especially when you’re young; it’s another to become an adult and to have let something like this permeate your legacy and your community for all this time. From what I understand, none of you are completely innocent in this. Ren wasn’t secret, he was loud and proud and he didn’t give a shit what anyone thought. Everyone who was an adult then and is an adult now shares some responsibility for that. Those of you who mean your apologies, thank you, but those of you who are using this event as a stepping stone to make that website into your own personal playground know who you are. Stop. There’s an entire generation of kids between AS and CS who have lost years of their childhoods to this shit and the only right thing at this point would be to turn the site over to the police so that Ren can answer for his crimes the right way.

To everyone else: protect the people around you. People like Ren don’t think about how other people think or feel. They don’t care who gets hurt or who they trample under their feet. Look around at your community, and ask yourself if those who interact with you know that you are safe. Inevitably, someone is going to get hurt. Are you the kind of person that they can come to when it happens, or are you the kind of person who will turn your head away? 

Be the person that everyone knows they can come to, because, eventually, someone’s going to need you.

[arseneiic]

Short, sweet, and to the point. Follow these rules and we all have a great time.

1. Mutuals only. I must be following you and you must be following me. Only those that I follow can like starter calls, send in character asks, and reply to posts.

1a. I will not interact with non-Mutuals, that includes asks, unless it’s done anonymously and it doesn’t have a url attached.  Anyone who breaks this rule will get about a few pardons but after that will be blocked.

2. My time is limited here in what I can do. This means that I am very selective in what I reply to. Doesn’t necessary mean that I am ignoring anyone. Some days I reply to everything and everyone, others I am so burnt out from irl things or work that I just lurk and do the bare minimum. My mental health and well-being comes before anything else.

2a. Replies vary by length and time. I normally work eight to ten hours a day and experience a lot of exhaustion. Unless I don’t see a thread or an ask going anywhere and publicly make a post saying it’s been dropped, consider everything as pending / will do ASAP. Memes are okay to send in late unless it clearly states, not accepting. My timezone is Eastern Standard Time or EST. United States is where I am located at. I am usually online from 10 PM EST to 3 AM EST unless it’s a day off from work, which the online time will vary from 12 PM EST to 3 AM EST.

2b.  Role-playing is a hobby, not a job. Do not pester me for replies or asks to be answered. I am not obligated to owe anyone anything on this website. I am human and can’t cater to everyone’s needs.  Being persistent here is not going to make me answer yours faster than other people.

2c. Don’t follow, unfollow, and then refollow my blog. It’s not going to make me want to follow you back, ever. It’s annoying and no one is being crafty by doing that. If you continue to do this and it isn’t a tumblr glitch, I will be inclined to block and possibly report for spam.

3. If you do need to break mutuals with me, HARD BLOCK my blog. Don’t just UNFOLLOW or SOFT BLOCK because chances are that I could mistakenly follow you again. And that’s something we both don’t want since it would be quite awkward.

3a. I have the right to unfollow whoever I want to and so do you. Please don’t go on a hunt and try to guilt trip me into following you back again. Just don’t. I can and will tell you the reason why I unfollowed you but other than that, just let me leave in peace.

3b. Personal blogs and non RP blogs will be blocked on site. Please, if you have a side blog let me know through asks so I don’t accidentally block you. IMs are not a good way to let me know since they are closed for non-mutuals.

4. Duplicates are welcomed to follow me. The more the merrier. I do not suffer from same muse anxiety and encourage any of the same muse to follow me. Only request is that you don’t steal my headcanons, edits or icons. Other than that, we should all be able to have a good time. I’m always up for twin verses or alternate universes shenanigans.

4a. Original Characters are allowed to follow me. However, they need to be a little flesh out before I make a decision to follow them back or not. Just a small backstory or biography is all that I need. Headcanons also work if there isn’t an about page but must have about one page worth for me to consider following.

4b. Crossover Characters from other shows are allowed to follow me but I must know about said muse or else I’ll have a hard time whether to follow or not. Few fandoms I won’t interact with because I have no interest in these series are: Avatar the Last Airbender, Avatar the Legend of Korra. ( more to be added ).

5. I am a multi-ship blog. Arsene himself is ageless but his physical form is around 25 when he became a shadow / persona / demon and as such, I will only be shipping him romantically with muses around the 20s to 30s range. Some threads may get a little spicy but nothing that requires a ‘do not read at work’ type of posts. I will tag those post that are suggestive with a ‘spicy: tw & spicy for ts’ and ‘Looks like someone needs proper punishment’ for blacklisting purposes.

5a. I am open to all kinds of ships, not just romantic ones. I also enjoy platonic, rivalry, and familiar bonds. All ships are open to discussions through my IM(s) or otherwise known as Instant Messenger. Chemistry is key. As long as we interact a little, there’s always the chance that both muses can be in a relationship.

6. Things for you to tag for me are: BIRDS, CHAIN LETTERS, ORGANS, DOGS. For the birds and dogs, just in real life ones trigger me. I am fine with cartoon / art / video game ones as they are not real.

6a. Things I’ll tag for you: BLOOD, GORE, DEATH, BODY HORROR, EYE HORROR, INSECTS, MAGGOTS, BRUISES, SCARS, GUNS, KNIVES, CLOWNS. If there are anything I missed that you want tagged, please let me know through IM(s).

7. I am over the age of eighteen. However, I refuse to write smut as I am not comfortable with that subject to begin with. Please never force me to write this with you and if you keep sending things to me in this type of nature, I will report you, no questions asked.

7a. If I see any form of hate and I find out it was you that sent it, I will immediately BLOCK you. No questions asked. Life is too short to send unwanted hate, anon or not. All anon hate and hate towards me and my characters ( s ) in general will be reported and then blocked, no questions asked.

8. My pen name on here is SERE. Obviously, that is not my real name but it’s what I go by. It’s short for ‘Serena’, the English name that DIC gave Usagi Tsukino in the Americanized version of Sailor Moon. It’s pronounced; SIR-REE.

9. I am not a meme source. If you need to reblog a meme from my blog and don’t plan to send me anything, reblog from the source. I hardly get asks as it is, and for you to just use me as a meme source puts a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I’m being used, which isn’t a good feeling. If you wonder if you should send in a meme to me, please do. I love getting asks. I do hoard them from time to time like a dragon hoards treasure but I do get to them eventually. The more memes / asks, the merrier.

9a.  Feel free to turn inbox replies into threads. Just remember to make separate post when replying. Do not reblog threads not meant for you and don’t reblog my headcanons. It’s okay to reblog my asks though if you want them to be keepsakes on your own blog. Also, it’s alright to reblog musings and images from me.

10. I rather not be bothered by callout posts and any potential drama that might accumulate. I am just here to have fun and I hope everyone else can too. Life is too short to spend on certain things that don’t matter in the long run. If I see multiple call out posts from you in a single day or that’s all you post, I will quietly unfollow you.

11.  Out of character posts will be on here from time to time. Mostly talking about life in general or me venting once in a great while. If this annoys you, please remember that this is my blog, not yours. You are welcomed to unfollow / block at any time.

11a.  The best way to interact with me is to send memes / asks / inbox things. I am always up for unprompted things in my inbox. Also, my instant messenger is always open if someone needs to contact me out of character or to plot something. Don’t hesitate to talk to me. I will try my best to respond.

11b. Not interacting after a month or two with me and my blog will make me silently unfollow you or result in a soft block. Or if you don’t interact with me at all, even out of character. Also, if you are gone for more than 6 months, I consider your blog inactive and will probably assume that you aren’t going to return.

12. I’m really laid-back in nature so don’t feel pressure to reply to anything I send to you. I understand that life happens and that sometimes you just need to unwind from the stress of daily life.

13. For pronouns; either SHE/HER or THEY/THEM is okay with me. My orientation is DEMIROMANTIC ASEXUAL. I love anime, manga, video games, music, drawing, and writing. If you read all of this, then thank you! I won’t ask for passcodes but please still try to remember these at some point. That’s all I ask. <3.

( rules may be updated from time to time so please check here once in awhile. I will also post when these are updated as well ).

[the-awkward-outlaw]

i’m so excited your inbox is open!!😁😁can i request an arthur x fem!reader where he’s insisting he’s “an ugly, old outlaw” and all that bs and she gets really emotional and gives this speech on how handsome (adorable) and loyal and caring he is? basically just tooth-rotting fluff😊😊love your work!!🤍

I hope I ticked all the boxes for this one, lol. But it definitely turned out very fluffy (which is good, because I live for fluff! They are my favorite to write, especially with Arthur). Enjoy! 

Masterlist

Read on AO3

You stand on the edge of Horseshoe Overlook, repeater in hand, waiting for an improbable attack. Of course, you can’t be entirely sure there won’t be one. Arthur mentioned a couple days ago running into some Pinkertons while he was out fishing with Jack. Something tells you that if they found this place, they’d have no problems marching in. 

An hour later, the sun’s beginning its slow descent into the sky and you hear something: a horse coming down the path. Just as you lean around a tree to see who it is, Arthur comes into view. 

“Oh hey, Arthur!” you say excitedly. Not only does he carry heavy weight in camp, he’s one of the nicest men you’ve ever met (despite being an outlaw), and he’s also the man you’re in love with. You haven’t had the courage to tell him this, the thought alone terrifies you. 

He gives you an adorable “gun” finger salute as he trots past, but you notice his eyes don’t crinkle the way they do when he smiles, almost like he’s faking it. He goes on towards the camp and you follow him, wondering if something’s wrong. 

When you get to camp, you ask Karen to take guard duty for now, explaining you’ll make up for it later. She accepts, saying you owe her a whiskey, to which you agree. Arthur dismounts his horse, feeding her a treat. You hear him say, “rest now, girl. You did good.” God, he’s so cute the way he talks to his horse. 

He continues on towards his tent and young Jack crosses his path as he walks. “Hiya, Uncle Arthur!” 

“Hey there, Jack. You keepin’ safe?” Arthur’s been worried about him ever since he ran into the Pinkertons. Of course, Arthur’s always been protective. 

“Yeah.”

“You still reading with Hosea?” 

“Yeah! He read me a story about a prince! I did a page all by myself!” 

“That’s excellent, son! Good for you!” 

Jack skips off and Arthur continues on towards his tented wagon, his shoulders rolling as he walks. You melt at the exchange he had with Jack. He is the most adorable, gentle man you’ve met. How is it that he’s a wanted man? 

Arthur shuffles around his wagon a bit, adjusting some things on his little table. Then he grabs the flaps of the canvas and pulls them down, clearly wanting some privacy. 

Silently, you go over to his tent and peak in. The sight breaks your heart. He’s sitting on the cot, hunched over, his hands clasped together as his elbows rest on his thighs. You can tell he’s upset about something. 

“Mr. Morgan?” you ask. 

He looks up and clears his face. “Oh, hey there, Y/N. What can I do for ya?” 

“Nothing. I just wanted to check on you. I was… I guess worried. You okay?” 

He smiles a little, huffing a bit. “Oh I’m doin’ just fine.” 

You can tell he’s lying, and you’re nervous to stay any longer. It’s clear he wants to be alone. However, you swallow your fear and walk into the tent. 

“Can I ask what’s wrong, Mr. Morgan? Whenever I have something weighing heavy on my mind, I find it’s helpful to tell someone.” 

“Oh trust me, no one wants to hear about my problems. I’m just… just a sad, miserable ol’ outlaw.” 

Your heart feels like it’s going to break. How can he think such awful things about himself when every time you see him, he’s doing something good to those around him? Bringing Mary-Beth a pen, reading stories to Jack, giving that one-armed man in Valentine money. Every time you’re with him, he proves the exact opposite of what he’s saying now.

“You… don’t really think that’s true, do you, Mr. Morgan?” 

“Oh trust me, I ain’t sayin’ bad enough about myself. I’m… a no-good killer, a fighter. And uh, just a bad man.” 

A tear slides down your cheek and you go sit down next to him. “Mr. Morgan, forgive me, but that’s not what I see. Every time you’re around, I see you helping folk, making people smile. I see you doing too much good to believe that a bad man is all you are.” 

“You don’t know me very well, Y/N. Hell, you only been with us a few months. Wait a few years, you’ll be sayin’ somethin’ different.” 

“I don’t think so. If anything, I’ll probably be sayin’ even nicer things about you. And honestly, Mr. Morgan, I’ve never lied to you. I ain’t startin’ now.” 

“Trust me, you won’t. No one does, everyone who spends any length of time with me knows how horrible I am.” 

“I’ve spent plenty of time with you,” you say. “I don’t think you’re horrible. Sure, you’ve made some bad choices, but who hasn’t? I… I’ve made choices that I regret too. But you can’t look at the world with people split in two based on good and bad. People are complicated. You’re complicated. That’s how the world is, and you ain’t doin’ yourself any favors by seeing it that way.” 

He sighs heavily, looking away from you. He doesn’t speak for a few moments and when he finally does open his mouth, you’re sure he’s about to tell you to leave him alone. 

“To be honest, Y/N, I really am a bad man. The only thing I’m good for is fightin’. All I ever been good at.” 

“Mr. Morgan, can I ask who told you this?” 

“No one told me, Y/N. I… I always known. And the other night, robbin’ that train full o’ city folk. Well, I robbed and beaten plenty of people before, they was really no different. But… I was over near Strawberry earlier. Some guy challenged me to a race. Guess he just bought a new horse, wanted to show off. Anyways, ol’ Artemis and I gave him a run for his money. I won, of course.” He scratches his chin. “When that other bastard got there, he was real angry. So angry he shot his horse in the head, so I shot him. Don’t quite know why I did neither. When…. When I shot him, I realized I felt nothin’. Not joy, not regret. Just nothin’.” 

“Maybe because there was nothing to feel, Mr. Morgan. After all, a man who can so easily shoot his new horse he was so proud of moments ago cannot be much of a man at all. Perhaps… perhaps you killing him was a good thing.” 

“How do you mean?” he asks. He finally turns to you, his blue eyes searching yours. 

“Well, if he can so easily shoot a horse in that fashion, something tells me he doesn’t know how to rein in his anger, that he lets it get the better of him. Who knows? Maybe he was constantly hurting his wife or kids if he had them. Maybe you killing them will send them relief, freedom. That’s the way I have to see the world, Mr. Morgan, that our bad deeds have a positive effect somewhere in the world.” 

Arthur grunts a bit. “Maybe. But… but I’m still nothin’ more than a fighter.” 

“No you’re not. Forgive me, Mr. Morgan, but I’ve been watching you probably more than you think. You’re a good man, a wanderer, a hunter. An artist too I bet.” 

“How do you figure that?” He cocks his eyebrow a bit, staring at you from the side of his eye. Part of you thinks he’s on the verge of smiling, which encourages you. 

“I’ve seen you sitting on the edge of camp, writing and doodling in that journal of yours. John told me Dutch taught the two of you to draw, but it didn’t take with him.” 

“Hmm, a lot of things didn’t take with that boy.” 

You giggle, but don’t really want to lead this conversation into a heated discussion about John Marston and his flaws. “I bet you’re good though. Could… I mean, would you hate me for asking if I could see your drawings?” 

You are extremely doubtful that he’d give you that privilege. After all, you and Mary-Beth talked about journaling and she mentioned how Arthur is notorious for it, but how no one has ever seen the inside of his. However, Arthur surprises you by sighing heavily and taking his journal out. He flips through it quickly, finding a page that has a drawing of a large wolf on it. He hands you the book, though he seems nervous. 

Gently, you take it from him and inspect the drawing. It’s beautiful, professional even. You can so easily see the textures of the wolf’s fur, the bristles of the pines behind it. It’d be impossible to not admire the strokes put down, each one with their own intention and purpose. 

“Mr. Morgan, this is incredible. I knew you were an artist, but I didn’t think you were this good.” 

“Oh nonsense. Anyone can draw like this. Hell, I bet you ain’t that bad of an artist yourself.” 

It’s your turn to raise your brow. “You wanna bet? Give me your pencil.” 

He hands it to you and, in the lower right corner, you draw a small version of his wolf, which is far more than laughable. You’ve never been very good at drawing, but even this version is pathetic. After a few minutes, you hand him back his journal. 

“There. Now your wolf has a badly deformed companion.” 

Arthur takes one look at it and then he lets out a laugh. “I like it,” he says after a moment, his eyes meeting yours. This time, his eyes crinkle. 

You can’t help but giggle. “I’m glad you like it, Mr. Morgan.” 

Still grinning, he straightens up a bit. “Why you always callin’ me Mr. Morgan? You can call me Arthur on occasion, you know.” 

“Oh I… I know,” you say, looking down at your lap, your cheeks burning. “I… I don’t know why I do.” 

He admires your features for a moment. Arthur knows you’re sweet on him. He clued into it pretty quick when he first asked you to call him by his first name weeks ago and you refused. Then he heard Tilly and Mary-Beth joking about how they knew. He also noticed you did things for him no one else did: bringing him coffee in the morning, offering to clean his guns, how he was the only person you asked to teach you how to play poker and black jack. Other small things you did only for him. It didn’t take long for him to realize he felt something for you too.

He finds your behavior now endearing and you’ve helped cheer him up immensely. He grabs your hand and lifts it, placing a soft kiss to the back of it, which causes you to look up at him. 

“Thank you, Y/N,” he says. 

You’re blushing hard again. “You’re welcome. Arthur.” 

Just as he’s about to lean over to try and place a kiss to your lips, Grimshaw’s shrill voice carries across camp. 

“Where the hell is Y/N?! That damn girl, always disappearing! I swear when I find her…” 

“Shit,” you say and quickly yank your hands out of Arthur’s grasp and then darting outside to subdue Grimshaw. 

Arthur chuckles, his heart much lighter than it was before. He looks down at his journal, finding your poor rendition of a wolf. Little do you know that it brings him great comfort and always will. In the future, when things go bad, he opens to this page just to look at it, to remember the things you said. It’s a moment he’ll never be able to forget. 

[purplesunrisefanfic]

I wanted to write up what I’m feeling as I work on the next chapter of “Dear” and thought I’d post it as a possible behind the scenes thingy. There’s no way I can find to create a cut on the mobile app so apologies if the code I found doesn’t work and y’all get a text wall.

I’m getting so much out of writing Dear (low-key crazy proud that I’m keeping it up and getting such warm responses). However, every chapter feels harder than the last, I think partly because the more I get awesome feedback from lovely readers, the more I worry about screwing it up. My arcs are only sketched which gives me a lot of chapter-to-chapter creative freedom which I enjoy. Overall, I’m enjoying writing so much. It’s kinda cool being in a position where it’s like “Okay this is a risk to approach it this way,” but then realising there’s a risk for any approach, it’s better that there’s no safe bet, I think.

CW: Mentions of sucidial impulses, TLOU Part 2 ENDING spoilers, mild possible spoilers for the next chapter of Dear.

So I’ve worked at having this really subtle linguistic shift in how everyone, but Dina especially, speaks to each other, trying to have the warmth and trust grow naturally, (and having a reader notice and comment on this gave me all the good feels) but now I’ve got a curve ball for that plan because I’m writing Dina’s letter where she opens up and gets hella mad and tells Ellie how much she’s put her through. On the one hand, it’s a moment of trust because she 1) trusts Ellie to actually process this stuff sensibly and not just run off on another suicide mission in response & 2) She’s actually reached a point where she feels like it’s worth actually bothering to tell this stuff to Ellie — I don’t think Dina is someone who just unloads negative feelings for the sake of it, she’s very orinetated towards moving on, focusing on the good memories and she only really gets mad when there’s an immediate purpose (I’m looking at you, Farmhouse Tommy.) — so in a way it’s like “Fuck you, I fucking hate you but also I don’t totally hate you because otherwise I just wouldn’t bother sharing this with you at all.” But at the same time, it’s still a hurt, fuck you, I know why you did this but also why did you do this type of letter, so it’s hard to know if I’m getting the tone right.

And then there’s Ellie’s reaction. My instinct is that there’s a lot unsent and unsaid before she nails her reaction. I might even dig out some material from the Interpersonal Effectiveness component of DBT to have her draw on. I’m hoping that showing enough of her process along the way will stop it from seeming OOC when she ultimately sends an emotionally mature response. That’s one of the challenges of a story where cannon characters grow and change, because it can be tricky to navigate the line between change and OOC.

My only other challenge right now is that I had a bash at Ellie reacting via drafting some song lyrics, based on something that came to me while I was writing. I’ve been able to draw on some very rusty poetry writing knowledge, but I’m not able to think about them musically (Fun(?) Fact: I actually have something called “beat deafness” which for means that while I can hear a beat on something like a literal metronome on its own, I can’t “hear” a beat when I listen to songs/music proper. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to be able to listen to a full song and hear something like that actually.) So with that I’m just gonna push past feeling a bit insecure and hope it comes off alright.

I’m still in lockdown so I’ve been blessed that I can write most days (my bank account is less blessed, but there’s nothing I can do and my credit limit is pretty high so I’m just leaving that be for now). I’ve also finally felt emotionally able to replay Part 2 so the rest of today is gonna be a mix of Dear’s next chapter and killing a bunch of NPC dudes (I’m into Abby’s section, love that girl but she can’t stealth for shit compared to Ellie. Plus having a kid with me makes me way more brutal tbh. Plus I’m not counting my actions in this NG+ as cannon so 🤷‍♀️)

If anyone read this (and I really don’t mind if no one did), then I hope you got something out of it and you’re always welcome to chat fic, ask stuff etc on my inbox if you’d like. Hope you have a good one.

[trickstruth-a]

Rules

Short, sweet, and to the point. Follow these rules and we all have a great time.

1. Mutuals only. I must be following you and you must be following me.  Only those that I follow can like starter calls, send in character asks, and reply to posts.

1a. I will not interact with non-Mutuals, that includes asks, unless it’s done anonymously and it doesn’t have a url attached. Anyone who breaks this rule will get about a few pardons but after that will be blocked.

2. My time is limited here in what I can do. This means that I am very selective in what I reply to. Doesn’t necessary mean that I am ignoring anyone. Some days I reply to everything and everyone, others I am so burnt out from irl things or work that I just lurk and do the bare minimum. My mental health and well-being comes before anything else.

2a. Replies vary by length and time. I normally work eight to ten hours a day and experience a lot of exhaustion. Unless I don’t see a thread or an ask going anywhere and publicly make a post saying it’s been dropped, consider everything as pending / will do ASAP. Memes are okay to send in late unless it clearly states, not accepting. My timezone is Eastern Standard Time or EST. United States is where I am located at. I am usually online from 10 PM EST to 3 AM EST unless it’s a day off from work, which the online time will vary from 12 PM EST to 3 AM EST.

2b.  Role-playing is a hobby, not a job. Do not pester me for replies or asks to be answered. I am not obligated to owe anyone anything on this website. I am human and can’t cater to everyone’s needs.  Being persistent here is not going to make me answer yours faster than other people.

2c. Don’t follow, unfollow, and then refollow my blog. It’s not going to make me want to follow you back, ever. It’s annoying and no one is being crafty by doing that. If you continue to do this and it isn’t a tumblr glitch, I will be inclined to block and possibly report for spam.

3. If you do need to break mutuals with me, HARD BLOCK my blog. Don’t just UNFOLLOW or SOFT BLOCK because chances are that I could mistakenly follow you again. And that’s something we both don’t want since it would be quite awkward.

3a. I have the right to unfollow whoever I want to and so do you. Please don’t go on a hunt and try to guilt trip me into following you back again. Just don’t. I can and will tell you the reason why I unfollowed you but other than that, just let me leave in peace.

3b. Personal blogs and non RP blogs will be blocked on sight. Please, if you have a side blog let me know through asks so I don’t accidentally block you. IMs are not a good way to let me know since they are closed for non-mutuals.

4. Duplicates are welcomed to follow me. The more the merrier. I do not suffer from same muse anxiety and encourage any of the same muse to follow me. Only request is that you don’t steal my headcanons, edits or icons. Other than that, we should all be able to have a good time. I’m always up for twin verses or alternate universes shenanigans.

4a. Original Characters are allowed to follow me. However, they need to be a little flesh out before I make a decision to follow them back or not. Just a small backstory or biography is all that I need. Headcanons also work if there isn’t an about page but must have about one page worth for me to consider following.

4b. Crossover Characters from other shows are allowed to follow me but I must know about said muse or else I’ll have a hard time whether to follow or not. Few fandoms I won’t interact with because I have no interest in these series are: Avatar the Last Airbender, Avatar the Legend of Korra. ( more to be added ).

5. I am a multi-ship blog. All ships are separate in their own standings. Goro is 17 in the ORIGINAL game and ROYAL remake. I will only ship him romantically with muses that are in the ages between 15 years to 17 years of age ( for the ORIGINAL and ROYAL remake only ).

5a. I am open to all kinds of ships, not just romantic ones. I also enjoy platonic, rivalry, and familiar bonds. All ships are open to discussions through my IM(s) or otherwise known as Instant Messenger.  Chemistry is key. As long as we interact a little, there’s always the chance that both muses can be in a relationship.

5b.  Is there any ship that you do NOT want forced on you?: I personally don’t ship AkeShu / ShuAke ( the Protagonist x Goro Akechi ). Please don’t force this ship on me. I’ll only except a slow burn for both characters and only that when both the other mun and myself agree to do this.

6. Things for you to tag for me are: BIRDS, CHAIN LETTERS, ORGANS, DOGS. For the birds and dogs, just irl ones trigger me. I am fine with cartoon / art / video game ones as they are not real.

6a. This blog will contain sensitive themes from time to time. However, I will tag common things like those mentioned below. If you need anything tagged, please let me know through instant messaging / IMs. Things I’ll tag for you are but not limited to: BLOOD, GORE, DEATH, BODY HORROR, EYE HORROR, INSECTS, MAGGOTS, BRUISES, SCARS, GUNS, KNIVES, CLOWNS.  

7. I am over the age of eighteen. However, I refuse to write smut as I am not comfortable with that subject to begin with and Goro is a minor. Please never force me to write this with you and if you keep sending things to me in this type of nature, I will report you, no questions asked.

7a. If I see any form of hate and I find out it was you that sent it, I will immediately BLOCK you. No questions asked. Life is too short to send unwanted hate, anon or not. All anon hate and hate towards me and my characters ( s ) in general will be reported and then blocked, no questions asked.

8. My pen name on here is SERE. Obliviously, that is not my real name but it’s what I go by. It’s short for ‘Serena’, the English name that DIC gave Usagi Tsukino in the Americanized version of Sailor Moon. It’s pronounced; SIR-REE.

9. I am not a meme source. If you need to reblog a meme from my blog and don’t plan to send me anything, reblog from the source. I hardly get asks as it is, and for you to just use me as a meme source puts a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I’m being used, which isn’t a good feeling. If you wonder if you should send in a meme to me, please do. I love getting asks. I do hoard them from time to time like a dragon hoards treasure but I do get to them eventually. The more memes / asks, the merrier.

9a.  Feel free to turn inbox replies into threads. Just remember to make separate post when replying. Do not reblog threads not meant for you and don’t reblog my headcanons. It’s okay to reblog my asks though if you want them to be keepsakes on your own blog. Also, it’s alright to reblog musings and images from me.

10.  I usually am not considered spoiler free. However, I do tag recent released games, which is Persona 5 Scramble. All other games in the Persona 5 series ( original game, dancing in starlight, pq2, and royal ) will NOT be tagged. Follow at your own risk to avoid spoilers.

10a.  Knowledge in the Persona series is about ABOVE AVERAGE, please don’t keep pointing out mistakes. I know and will correct them due time.

10b. Please tag the popular ship AkeShu / ShuAke ( Goro Akechi x Persona 5 Protagonist ) / ( Persona 5 Protagonist x Goro Akechi ). I am not a fan of this ship at all and would request it to tagged at all times. Tags can be as simple as ‘akeshu’ and ‘shuake’.

11. I rather not be bothered by callout posts and any potential drama that might accumulate. I am just here to have fun and I hope everyone else can too. Life is too short to spend on certain things that don’t matter in the long run. If I see multiple call out posts from you in a single day or that’s all you post, I will quietly unfollow you.

12.  Out of character posts will be on here from time to time. Mostly talking about life in general or me venting once in a great while. If this annoys you, please remember that this is my blog, not yours. You are welcomed to unfollow / block at any time.

12a.  The best way to interact with me is to send memes / asks / inbox things. I am always up for unprompted things in my inbox. Also, my instant messenger is always open if someone needs to contact me out of character or to plot something. Don’t hesitate to talk to me. I will try my best to respond.

12b.  Not interacting after a month or two with me and my blog will make me silently unfollow you or result in a soft block. Or if you don’t interact with me at all, even out of character. Also, if you are gone for more than 6 months, I consider your blog inactive and will probably assume that you aren’t going to return.

13. I’m really laid-back in nature so don’t feel pressured to reply to anything I send to you. I understand that life happens and that sometimes you just need to unwind from the stress of daily life.

14. For pronouns; either SHE/HER or THEY/THEM is okay with me. My orientation is DEMIROMANTIC ASEXUAL. I love anime, manga, video games, music, drawing, and writing. If you read all of this, then thank you! I won’t ask for passcodes but please still try to remember these at some point. That’s all I ask. <3.

**DISCLAIMERS.

This revived blog has been established since May 23rd, 2020. Independent and not affiliated with any role play group. Written by SERE.

( rules may be updated from time to time so please check here once in awhile. I will also post when these are updated as well ).

[shootingxstardust]

How I run my blog

Tagged by: Stolen from @cautionbewareofdog​

Tagging: Steal

Speed: Uh, what is that? So yeah, speed is heavily dependent on may factors, like how busy I am,  whether I’m motivated, stressed, or feel like doing other things besides rp. I also can feel selective with what I’m replying too. Like for instance, crack is really easy to reply to, I don’t need to think. So typically I’ll reply to that the fastest, (that and asks.) With that being said, there are times i hyper fixate on a single thread and will immediately reply. Other times it might take weeks or so, but I  hardly every drop.  I also hate being rushed.. or  guilted for replies. I won’t hassle for responses and I  appreciate being given the same respect.  If you suspected I forgotten or the response has taken really long, like a couple weeks or so, you can go ahead and give a nudge, but give me time please. Sometimes I take a month or so.

Replies: So in terms of length, again that varies. My replies are always at least one paragraph, but typically they’re two or more.  It depends on the thread really, along with who I’m rping with.  Honestly  in terms of matching, I try my absolute best. Sometimes it’s less, sometimes it’s more. I put effort in my responses and I like others to do the same. It doesn’t have to be an exact match, but please give me something to work with. A paragraph at least.

Now to discuss the replies themselves, again, it’s spotty  in terms of speed.  I hardly ever drop, but if I do, I do do so without warning, mainly because I get nervous, hate confrontation.. However, if  you suspected I dropped a thread and you really want to continue it, just ask and I’ll raise it from the dead and respond, unless I really either don’t have the muse for it, or just don’t know how. In that case, we can plot it out and try again.

Starters: I use starters as a good way to interact with new people. My only problem with them is that... I suck at them. If plotted, I can come up with something sometimes, or if I am making a starter for someone I’ve interacted before. Otherwise, my mind draws a blank.  Starters range from quality, and sometimes they’ll only be a few words long, just the initial push for muses to interact. After small starter however, my responses usually  drastically increase in length.  I just have trouble writing initially.

Inbox: Asks of any kind are good. I love them all, whether ooc or ic.  I do reserve the right to delete asks however. Though I typically answer anything and everything. I love it!

Selectivity:  I am mostly non-selective with who I write with, though I currently label myself on the blog as semi-selective. Let it be clear that I will write with anyone, whether we follow or not. I am not a private aka mutuals only blog, but  I can get picky at times.  As long as you have good writing, and are kind, I’ll write with you happily, but if you hassle me for replies, or your  writing is just not good (Like one lined or one worded responses) ,  I won’t write with you, simple as that, unless the one lined or one worded responses are crack.  Also I tend to write more with people I can talk to ooc. If we talk, even if it’s not every day, ooc interaction is great and makes me feel more comfortable with writing.  Once again, I’ll write with anyone, but I kinda favor those I actual have interacted with at least a little bit in IMS, or those who send me asks and such.

Wishlist: Hmm. Not sure.  I do kinda wanna write Insane Black Rock Shooter more, or Tsukuyomi, rather than Rose, just to develop her past characters more, but that’s about it. (This isn’t me saying that I’d rather write these more than Rose, I just want to develop them more is all.

Honest note: I’m not sure what to say other than  what’s been stated. I will admit that I am super shy, but if I follow you, it’s not to up my follow count or anything, I genuinely like your blog and either want to reblog content from it (If it’s a meme blog or something) or I want to write with you. There are blogs I’ve been following forever and I haven’t pushed for interaction even though we’re mutuals, because I’m shy and afraid of  things not going well. Once we rp, or if you do something like like a starter call, I feel more comfortable, and will likely shoot a message ooc. I like rping, but  like to get to know my partners as well, it just makes it more personal and fun.

[hamliet]

In This Fading World: How Shipping Solves Everything (in TG)

aka hamliet’s ramblings about what the point of all the romance is in the manga

*before my inbox explodes, the title is facetious, please don’t send me hate*

I like ships. A lot. Usually I view them as fun for a series but only a few, if any, are like, central to the plot/themes. But in TG the romance is actually extremely relevant to the series’ themes, and despite the common assumption that TG isn’t a romance manga, it... kind of is in a lot of respects, because TG is about life, and what makes life worth it is connection, and all kinds of connections--family, friendship, and romance. (I might do other metas on the family and friendships in TG and how they convey certain themes too, just as powerfully as the romances, but this meta is specifically about romantic dynamics.)

TG honestly has a lot of romance (like the whole story started with a date) and is basically Ishida’s “shoujo with corpses.” Each canon/likely to be canon ship is at its core driven by loneliness answered with empathy, and each ship allegorizes the story’s main themes and the importance of solving the ghoul/human conflict the same way: through an alliance based in empathy and self-reflection. 

NB: there are some dynamics I consider subtextually romantic in TG that I won’t get into here, like Hsaiko (though Saiko’s feelings are not clarified) but since Hsiao and Saiko don’t have proper arcs it’s a little harder to extrapolate on whether or not they’re conveying a theme at this point.

I’m also not saying anyone has to ship these ships, or not ship certain obsessive ones I discuss (I ship several of those ones!), just simply explaining what I think Ishida is doing with them/why he included this dynamic in the story. 

Kuzen/Ukina, Kasuka/Kureo, Hikari/Arata: Tragedy and Repetition

I debated whether or not to include these but ultimately decided to because I think they best represent the world everyone needs to move away from.

Kasuka and Kureo and Hikari and Arata were both truly in love, yet Kasuka was killed in the conflict by Eto and Hikari by Arima--both of whom are children forced into this conflict from birth but who decided to create a new world. The people who want to create a new world literally kill Hikari and Kasuka, both of whom can’t escape the role they were cast into in the world. Kasuka has more choice as a human, but chooses to fight and dies for it, and Hikari was a “wild” ghoul in her youth and it eventually sent Arima after her even after she changed, because the old, tragic world is unforgiving. Both Kureo and Arata then lost themselves to grief and fought to protect what they had and were taken from their kids as a result. 

And Ukina and Kuzen show us that a relationship between ghoul and human was not possible so long as people keep to the rules of the old world, yet also suggests what might be possible if they break them.

We don’t know Ukina’s motivations--Eto seems to think she was simply motivated by her story, though Kuzen’s claims about what Ukina said to him cast doubt on this.Ukina empathized, and that drew him to her. But in the end he couldn’t break free of the cycle, and killed her, though she empathized again... maybe. 

But forgot her daughter, and Yoshimura too then abandoned Eto. You can’t nurture a new world if you abandon it no matter your motivations. All three of these love stories, however simple they are in the manga, are tragedies that the rest of our cast is trying to avoid. 

Touken: Humanity and Ghoulhood

Ah, the main ship, and a parallel of all ships in TG because everyone is a parallel to Kaneki (I'm not kidding. Everyone is). We begin with Touka and Kaneki refusing to empathize with each other. Kaneki calls her a monster. Kaneki is the living embodiment at this point of how humanity views ghouls: he draws them as monsters, but then Kaneki becomes one (because the monsters in TG are not ghouls nor humans; they are everyone and no one at the same time).

She tells him to go to hell when he has the nerve to ask her for help without any semblance of empathy. Because how can humanity dare ask ghouls for anything after what they’ve put them through?

Kaneki fears violence, but Touka uses violence to cope with her trauma, symbolic of how ghouls are forced to used violence to survive.. Kaneki is terrified of being abandoned, but Kaneki abandons people when he grows to fear them leaving him. That’s what drives humanity in fearing ghouls: losing the people they love (and their own lives, of course). Touka and Kaneki then both inflict these traumas on each other.

And yet throughout part one, they rescue each other. Why? Because both of them can't stand to see the world the way it is, and in each Touka refuses to accept that she couldn't do anything about Ryouko's death and turns into a murderer, in the process revealing to Kaneki just how little she values her life.

But Kaneki tells her even if she doesn't value her life, he does. And he helps her, even though he thinks it's wrong, because he empathizes. And when Kaneki can't let Nishiki and Kimi die, Touka shows up to help. But they can't be together in this terrible world. Like Ukina and Kuzen, they're separated by the selfishness of humans and ghouls and the entire conflict, a conflict that makes strength the only way to survive. They both just want to be with the people they love, because they’re scared of being alone. And Touka sees Kaneki's pain. She calls him on it, because she feels the same way, but she does it in the wrong way, and regrets it. Which is why it's so important when they reunite and she calls him on it again, but doesn't push him or force him.

It's also important that it was on Kaneki to come back and not on Touka to go to him. As a human (sort of) he's on the privileged side, and it's more on humans to make amends at this point because they're oppressing ghouls instead of seeking to talk to them. Kaneki can't ignore ghouls for humans (Haise) or humans for ghouls (OEKneki).

And when Kaneki and Touka get together, it's not perfect. Their relationship has codependent elements and they have communication issues because they are still both afraid of losing each other, of being alone. The human/ghoul alliance also has major communication issues and humans like Kaneki are still struggling to realize they aren’t better.

Touka doesn't want to lose Kaneki: hence, why she tells him she’s pregnant and doesn’t go to save Yoriko. Kaneki knows who she is; Yoriko doesn’t, because Touka’s afraid of being known just the same as Kaneki is.

And Kaneki doesn't want to lose Touka.

But Touka needs to learn to hold on a bit more now, because unlike before when Kaneki was Haise, this time he's married her. They've committed. And she does, digging him out. A ghoul saves Tokyo.

However, now that they’re reunited, they've got to communicate better, and trust each other more. They're having a baby. A life, as Yomo says, that gives him hope for the world. That's why we saw the fetus panel in 160.

If Kaneki died, there would be no future. If humanity dies, there is no future for ghouls, and same for ghouls with humans.

The baby represents new life (since the main theme is live, life=hope) directly from an alliance between ghoul and human (a marriage). But the baby who is both human and ghoul represents the fact that they have to overcome it, that they have a chance to break out of the cycle their parents perpetuated and that the word perpetuated. As the alliance overcomes their issues, so will Touken, I believe.

Akiramon and Seiaki: Justice and Sacrifice

To start with, it's impossible to discuss Akira and Amon’s relationship without Takizawa since he's an integral part of their relationship, and it’s impossible to discuss Seiaki without Amon, so I’m discussing them together. Through Akira and Amon, we see the CCG's two main sources of existence: traumatized orphans seeking to escape their legacies (Amon) and people seeking to honor their legacies (Akira). And then we have someone like Takizawa, who like Ui is neither and therefore an outlier of sorts, and hence is the one best able to have an honest perspective on the situation: it’s why he’s the most self-aware of the trio, though he has his own flaws.

Akira and Amon are both searching for justice, and specifically for answers. Takizawa from the beginning is a very stereotypical businessman, less about the noble aspects of the CCG. That’s why he’s the one who breaks down when facing the Owl Suppression Operation. He sees it for what it is and he doesn’t want to die.

Akira, in contrast, and Amon both believe the answer is to wipe out ghouls and therefore right the twisted world. Their idea of justice is black and white; there's right and wrong, and they want desperately to be on the right side of it. So they don't consider their place or role in the world. They are like Kaneki before the Steel Beam Incident, content to consider themselves separate from ghouls, yet unlike Kaneki they both choose to be a part of the conflict.

We also see the idea of sacrifice as it ties into justice in their relationship, and with their relationship with Seidou. Seidou is willing to sacrifice himself to save Amon--for Akira. Except both he and Amon wind up captured and tortured, and Akira believes them dead, and winds up alone. And then Akira sacrifices herself for Seidou, and Amon sacrifices himself for both of them, and Seidou sacrifices himself for both of them.

It's. A sacrificial cycle lol. But Amon himself said what he thought of redemptive death, because really they are all seeking redemption--Akira for not stopping Seidou, Seidou for what he did as a ghoul, Amon for Donato: it's trash.

Sacrifice is not justice. Justice is not served by looking outwards; it's served by looking at yourself.

Their refusal to consider themselves as part of the problem is brought to the forefront when Touka talks to Akira and makes her hug it out with Hinami. The thing is, I don't like this scene in many ways because I think it was disrespectful to Hinami, but like all things in TG it's gray, so there is good in it too, and basically it's that Touka was asking Akira to see herself in Hinami. The need to examine yourself is also tied to empathy, because it asks you to step into someone else's shoes and see yourself there.  An orphan who just wanted her parents, like Touka, like Amon. What is justice, then, if it just leaves hurting children, no matter what they are? As Akira says, whom should I be hating, then?

Akira and Amon both struggle with this, and they see that in each other and know that the other one understands this struggle. They empathize with each other, standing by each other’s side.

It's convenient that Akira and Amon then get to disappear from the narrative while Touka and Kaneki get hunted by the CCG, because they've always represented the human privilege in parallel to the ghoul symbol of Touken. But everyone who's been ignoring the ghoul problem--like, everyone in Tokyo--is then called on it by Dragon, and they have to go back to the CCG and face what they tried to ignore. The fact that they forgot what justice was.

And again, it's gray, because it can also be seen as them returning to cling to their past safety, but Donato sees that that is shattered. And Amon faces him, and needs to realize that it's not the answer he's been seeking--no matter what his past is, he is the one who needs to examine himself to create justice. He needs to be honest with himself. And Akira needs to be honest with herself, and that includes taking this advice from Touka here:

And give those quinques back to Hinami, to allow her to mourn for her father as Akira mourns for hers.

Ayahina: Child Soldiers and Traumatized Orphans

Ah, our sweet lost children. One of TG's main themes has always been how children suffer the most in any conflict. We see that through how almost every child in the series pays for their parents' mistakes (Kaneki's mom taking out her anguish on him, Eto's abandonment, etc.), the Sunlit Garden, the Oggai. And then we have two sets of parents who love their kids: the Fueguchis and the Kirishimas, but neither are allowed to raise their children because the CCG hunts them down and murders/captures them. Both Ryouko and Hikari sacrifice themselves for their children.  

Both Ayato and Hinami are traumatized orphans and child soldiers, but Hinami is initially presented as the former more so than the latter, and vice versa for Ayato. Hinami and Ayato both foil Touka in how they cope with trauma--Hinami grieves, but she isn’t allowed to grieve properly; Ayato is angry right from the beginning because no one allows him to grieve. Eventually both take a similar path in joining Aogiri both with the intentions of protecting the people they love. And it’s no coincidence the entire conflict is run on a diet of child soldiers in the Sunlit Garden. The conflict depends on hurting orphans like the Yasuhisas and Amon to populate the CCG and the soldiers created in the Sunlit Garden. And by creating orphans on the other (ghoul) side, they fuel the conflict on the other side as well, driving Hinami to join Aogiri as well as Ayato.

But the conflict doesn’t have to continue, as Ayato and Hinami’s relationship shows us. They both did terrible things as members of Aogiri, as it’s a terrorist organization after all, but they found a way out, and it wasn’t through learning to protect everyone and it wasn’t through fighting on their strength. It was through empathizing with each other.

Instead of fearing him as her superior, Hinami sees him for more than just a soldier. She sees him as someone with a sister (whom he’s desperately trying to protect in his own edgelord way). And so Ayato, who’s largely isolated himself from people who care about him, grows to empathize with her as well. They express the emotions the other cannot.

How can the world answer the wrong it’s done both of them? It can’t, not really. But they can find a way to live with each other.

The answer isn’t in Hinami hugging the daughter of her parents’ murderer; it’s in allowing her to mourn, and in empathizing with her loneliness. Which Ayato understands. He can’t fix her problems, he can’t fix what’s going on with Akira, but he can be there for her because he understands her pain. Even if the world never figures it out, they will have each other, and they can have hope in that.

However, that’s not enough, because the world keeps interfering in Hinami and Ayato’s relationship. Hinami almost dies sacrificing herself for other children against other children.

Because the cycle is going to repeat and repeat and repeat until someone says No. That’s why while Kaneki’s return was Bad for his personal development, it was good thematically, because someone was saying no to this child dying. That’s why Ayato is not going to get to sacrifice himself fighting kagune gremlins, either.

They find hope and comfort through their empathy for each other, but the world needs to be fixed in order for Hinami and Ayato to find peace.

Mutsurie: Duty and Compassion

Now let me talk about my favorite ship, Mutsurie. It parallels Touken ('I don't care if you die' instead of 'I don't want you to die' lol) and Ayahina ('let's go home' and plans to save bae from death in Cochlea/Rushima) explicitly in terms of structure, but also brings elements of Akiramon and Ayahina's themes. Mutsuki is a traumatized, exploited child turned into a child soldier like Amon, Ayato, and Hinami. Urie has a CCG legacy like Akira and prioritizes his job above anyone around him, shutting himself off and becoming cold. The first notion we have of what Urie thinks of Mutsuki is this:

A hypocrite. Worthless. Because that's what the CCG thinks of Mutsuki as well, as we see when Matsuri then orders Mutsuki to go on a death mission and Tokage warns Sasaki about him. Mutsuki is worthless, because he has mental health problems and because he is physically weak. The irony is Urie is projecting onto Mutsuki his worst fear about himself: that he is worthless, not enough for his father to come home to.

That he is a hypocrite, because deep down he knows none of this CCG promotion strength stuff will make him happy. But Urie refuses to acknowledge this and projects it onto Mutsuki and Shirazu.

But the ship all starts in chapter 29. That's where Urie fails. He's following exactly what Matsuri wanted him to do, and he gets in huge trouble because he simply isn't strong enough. He loses control, and he lashes out at Mutsuki, at the CCG's weak reality. But instead of lashing out back at him, even though Urie endangered him for selfish gain, even though Urie hurt him by punching through Mutsuki's stomach, Mutsuki reaches for him. Mutsuki tells him he is not alone. Mutsuki empathizes, the thing Urie refused to do with Mutsuki earlier though he knew inside that they were the same.

And that's the answer for the entire series, isn't it? Empathy. It's not perfect--Mutsuki is behaving like an abuse victim in many respects because he wants the pain to stop, but the thing is, Urie does stop. Urie does change in how he treats Mutsuki from there on out, going to protect him from Hakatori, worrying about him on Rushima, etc.

Mutsuki does not want revenge on Urie for punching him because he understands him--in Urie's pain, he sees his own, and that's the answer for humans and ghouls and their personal relationships between each other as well. For example, if we get a Mutsuki-Touka talk, it'd probably be similar in that Mutsuki and Touka both fear abandonment, and can understand that in each other.

Later on, Mutsuki and Urie reverse their arcs just like how Kaneki clung to strength at the end of the first TG like Touka did at the beginning.. Mutsuki clings to the CCG, but his trauma is only growing worse the stronger he gets in the CCG. To the point where the difference between himself and a ghoul is no longer evident, even in what he eats.

And the more Urie's trauma with his father repeats, the more unable to succeed he becomes: at work, and in everything. Symbolically, Mutsuki and Urie embody the alliance as well. The alliance is bound to an extent by ignoring wrongs, and there is good and bad in there. Urie blinds himself to Mutsuki's faults (like Mutsuki didn't acknowledge what Urie had done to him) and that leads to their issues boiling up and boiling over because issues have to be addressed, not swept under the rug. But what made the difference for Urie initially was that he took the lesson, and changed. Mutsuki is now showing that he, too, has changed. And that's what the CCG needs to do: change. Accept that they hurt ghouls, and ghouls need to do likewise, and change. But no change comes unless there is empathy.

Mutsurie having a proper resolution would include a conversation, and also leaving the CCG I believe since the CCG is limiting Urie's growth. They both need to leave in order to heal like the traumatized children they are.

Nishikimi: Desperation and a Holdfast

Nishiki and Kimi were introduced together and have always really shared an arc. Their entire relationship is blatantly about loneliness and empathy.

It's interesting to me how they go to such opposite, and both wrong, extremes post Anteiku Raid. Nishiki dumps Kimi, ostensibly to protect her, but when he hears she's working with Kanou he decides to search for her. Dude, you shouldn't have waited. If you wanted to be with her, regardless of the dangers, that was her decision to make, not yours for her. And Kimi goes too far in the other direction, committing atrocities for the sake of creating a world where she can live with Nishiki. They are both desperate people, as we see from their introduction:

The only thing they've had to cling to is the other, and that the other understands their loneliness. Kimi’s attempts to fix the world have brought more loneliness and pain into it, and exploited the loneliness of the Oggai orphans like Hajime. Nishiki’s attempts to avoid the conflict brought more loneliness to Kimi, driving her to do what she did.

Maybe working together, they can make a better world.

Yoriomi: Ignorance and Memories

I’ve jokingly called this a plot device more than a ship before but @aspoonofsugar wrote a great analysis of how Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship contrasts Mutsurie, Touken, Akiramon, and Ayahina here. It is symbolic of how humans have a relatively easy time fitting in in society, in contrast to Kaneki and Touka, and also Urie and Mutsuki, even in terms of gender roles.

But like the entirety of Tokyo ignored the ghoul problem until Dragon erupted from below them, Yoriko and Takeomi’s relationship is not perfect and is founded in memories (childhood classmates) and what’s expected of them. They can’t escape the conflict, though, because Takeomi is a voluntary part of the CCG and even though Urie hates them for the fact that Takeomi’s father is still alive and he seemingly has it all as the perfect human, consequences start to hit Yoriko and Takeomi. Yoriko’s friendship gets her arrested and sentenced to die, and Takeomi loses his father.

Neither of them are major characters, and that’s why I find Mutsuki’s jealousy of Touka (that he projects onto Yoriko) and Urie’s jealousy of Takeomi a more interesting way of looking at their relationship. Yoriko even realizes how little she empathized with her friend, not realizing she was a ghoul, and empathizes now when she can’t even see Touka:

Takeomi still does not get it. He doesn’t understand Urie hated him for years, and to an extent, that belief in his friends parallels him to Yoriko, but it’s ignorance. He doesn’t get he helped create the culture that sentenced Yoriko to death. But he does do the right thing and springs her from prison, but returns to the CCG to fight. In the end, I would like Takeomi to empathize with Urie since they’ve both lost their fathers now and he can now understand the loneliness eating Urie, and I’d like him to empathize even with Urie’s love for Mutsuki because he’s going to have to face Yoriko’s platonic love for Touka soon. Now Takeomi will have to face someone who’s personally hurt him/tried to take away people he loved, and I hope he gives Urie encouragement even if he doesn’t ever forgive Mutsuki.

Utaren: Hope and Despair

Uta and Yomo's relationship is subtextual but it's definitely there so I'm including it 'cause I can. Their relationship was first categorized by anger and by a desire to be strong with each other. Firstly they used their strengths to fight each other, then united them in the hopes of taking down Arima for Renji's sake, and then Yomo left when his strength got him almost killed by Arima. The fact that they were equal in strength is not to be dismissed; it’s symbolic of how they see themselves in each other, of how they can relate.

But they also suffer from terrible communication issues, and Yomo isn’t able to understand Uta beyond the physical strength aspect. Uta didn't understand Yomo’s hope, how the world could be different, partially because Yomo completely failed to communicate to both Uta and Itori what it was about Anteiku, about ghouls and humans--and I think the reason for Yomo’s failed communication is because he was still clinging to the idea of living while losing. If Yomo can only find hope through watching others' happiness (Touken) then Uta can only find it when watching others' despair.

But don't they both deserve some happiness themselves? Yomo doesn't understand Uta, but he wants to live with him anyways. He wants to connect, because that makes them feel alive. I have hope they will learn to empathize with each other. Even if you can’t understand, living with each other, perhaps you can connect, perhaps that initial spark of empathy through even just physical strength can grow.

After all, they’ve saved each other.

Yomo was wrong, as he says now. There are things worth holding into, and he's starting to learn that. And Uta was wrong. He can't not live with Yomo and not live without him. He has to live with him. He couldn't, after all, let Yomo die, no matter how fun it might have been, and yet Yomo counters his exact worldview that life is despair. Like Nishikimi, they offer each other something to hold onto, and slowly, I would hope, that would mean branching out to get to connect with others as well.

Uihai: Lies and Comfort

Ui loves Hairu, but she's a mirage--or is she? Her personality is entirely hers, as far as we know. But she represents the Sunlit Garden, being the first character to introduce it to us. And Ui, being Ui (an Amon and Urie foil) is so focused on The Mission and justice it disrupts him showing his feelings to her, and his actions and assignments lead to her death.  

Good job Ui. -__- And Hairu is the opposite. Her desperate desire for love and praise is what drives her to get herself killed:

Of course Hairu didn’t know Ui cared about her, and she was appreciated. Why would she? Ui never told her. And the thing about Ui is that after her death, he’s been unable to break out of his own pride, which keeps him trapped in loneliness. We see it here, when he cries:

Hairu is less of a lie than Ui is. Having people around convinced him that everything was fine, that he didn’t need to examine himself, but when they’re stripped away, he loses himself.

He sees no need for justice when he might just be able to get Hairu back, because he misses her, he misses closeness, because that’s what Ui craves. He doesn’t want to be known because like Kaneki, Amon, and more he uses the idea of being Just to justify the fact that he exists and deserves to be known, and yet paradoxically all he wants is for someone to be with him, for comfort.

Ui’s slowly starting to learn that justice may not quite be what he thought, but I’m not sure he entirely gets it.

Is she still Hairu to Ui, if she's only half-human, if he’s faced with the fact that justice was all a lie and he was never just? That's the question the manga still has to answer. He can’t truly empathize with her until he knows who she truly is, until he knows what the CCG is. That’s why it would make so much symbolic sense for Hairu to be ET, for Ui to realize that he was not fighting against the “other” of ghouls the entire time: he was fighting against people worthy of love. He was fighting against himself. And Hairu who was always fighting against her own kind, what with her virulent hatred of ghouls:

...despite being a ghoul herself--well, it’d be fitting for her to be turned into the very Beast she comforted Ui after his fight with in the first manga.

And that’s why I would like to see a moment for Uihai in that, wherein Hairu sees she is loved, and Ui sees that he is accepted even by a half-human he fought against.

Nakimiza: Nostalgia and Freedom

Nakimiza is a ship I’m still bitter about how it ended so bear with me. The themes of nostalgia and freedom from that nostalgia are Everywhere in the manga. Like, everywhere. Nostalgia is understood, but dangerous, and clinging to it prevents the conflict from ever being solved.

Naki is a very caring individual, but he doesn’t seem to get how much Miza cares about him, because he’s focused on Yamori, even when he’s saving her.

They’re both leaders of various ghoul gangs, and they care about each other and understand each other (at least, Miza understands him), and Miza expressly has feelings for him. But Naki never gets to overcome his nostalgia. It kills him instead. It kills him, ironically, as he’s idolizing Yamori, despite the fact that he’s fighting to save the Aogiri kids:

When Yamori killed an Aogiri child. But Miza after his death shows that she wants to move on from nostalgia, that she still can continue:

That’s why I think Miza will find happiness, but I’m still heartbroken.

Shuuneki, Tsukikana, Hairima, and Mutsuneki: Obsession and Mirages

And now, let’s discuss the ships that also are one-sided canon, but that I think unlike the other ships listed above, do not balance each other out and were obsessions because they focus more on an idea of who the person is, on what the person represents to them, rather than whom the person actually is (there’s definitely idolizing going on in every single ship I discussed above too, but I think these ships are more… it was not going to work out, let’s just say that).

What do all these ships have in common? They’re one-sided and extremely unhealthy, and you could add Hinakane to it too because though I don’t think that one has a romantic element to it there’s still something not healthy there.

For Karren, Hairu, and Mutsuki, the reason they loved their respective crushes was because, well, they showed them the kindness as a child no one else did. (Kaneki called the Qs his kids; it counts.)

Rather than true empathy, there’s idolization and an encouragement of bad behaviors thanks to a lack of equal connection and communication, amplified by a power dynamic that sets these ships apart from the other ships even if the previously discussed ships have at times encouraged each other’s flaws too. Hairu aspires to be like Arima, her mentor and very likely her relative--by killing and is killed for it. Shuu is a master to Karren, and she dies serving him--though beautifully, he empathizes with her in the end and shows he values her life.

Kaneki is a king and a boss to Shuu, and he’s forgotten his family following him--though I do believe Shuu’s love of Kaneki is moving in a more healthy direction having planned Touken’s wedding for them, as he’s no longer desperate to keep Kaneki all to himself--but while it was romantic it was completely unhealthy.

Kaneki is a father to Mutsuki, and Mutsuki became like him in abandoning the Qs pursuing him.

(Notably other ships like Uihai and Ayahina wherein Ui and Ayato were respectively above Hairu and Hinami in work, the power difference is not present, which we see in how Ui allows Hairu to call him Koori and Ayato and Hinami are equals in every sense.) 

So what’s Ishida saying with this? The human-ghoul conflict is not ever going to be solved by people staying in their lane, nor is it going to be solved by people idolizing the other (and we see a lot of humans wishing they had the strength of ghouls and ghouls wishing they had that privileges of humans) or sweeping issues under the bridge. You can’t write the wrongs of the past if, like Kaneki, you fail to communicate to your children, or if you are too afraid to directly counter the system like Arima, or if like Shuu you pretend it never happened. The reason these obsessions all lead to death and destruction is because of this lack of communication. Connecting is vital to creating a new world.

Fururize: Obsession and Control

Ah, the Disaster Ship that started this whole manga. But it parallels all these other ships, too. It’s obsessive, so it parallels the unhealthy one-sided ones I mentioned, but it also foils the canon/likely-to-be-canon ones even though Fururize won’t ever be canon except one-sided. The reasons why Furuta and Rize have thus far not had a chance at happiness is because neither of them is capable of empathizing.

And how could they? As Rize says, as Furuta says, they were created to be used, and unlike Hairu, never had a chance. It’s really not surprising Rize uses Furuta to escape. She’d only seen people be created to be used as breeders or as soldiers.

Furuta then uses everyone around him. He tells Kaneki he was just a pawn in his game. Even Rize doesn’t show much care for Shachi despite the fact that he loves her and is a Good Dad, and it’s Shachi’s love for Rize that gives me a smidgeon of hope for her, because Shachi is honestly the best dad in the series and that should be rewarded, I would hope.

Rize uses pleasure to distract herself from ever feeling lonely, and whether she does or not, we don’t know. But we know Furuta feels lonely. He’s consumed by it, by how alone he’s been since his birth.

Eto points out he doesn’t get to call his father, father. He’s furious that Rize can be with other people instead of wanting to be with him. He’s destroying himself with his own loneliness (like Kaneki), and the world around him (unlike Kaneki), because he’s so lonely, and can’t empathize.

That’s why, before the ending, I really, really, really want to see Kaneki show Furuta some compassion, and think it would be fitting for both their arcs.

[withoutshield]

RULES

Short, sweet, and to the point. Follow these rules and we all have a great time.

1. Mutuals only. I must be following you and you must be following me. Only those that I follow can like starter calls, send in character asks, and reply to posts.

1a. I will not interact with non-Mutuals, that includes asks, unless it’s done anonymously and it doesn’t have a url attached.  Anyone who breaks this rule will get about a few pardons but after that will be blocked.

2. My time is limited here in what I can do. This means that I am very selective in what I reply to. Doesn’t necessary mean that I am ignoring anyone. Some days I reply to everything and everyone, others I am so burnt out from irl things or work that I just lurk and do the bare minimum. My mental health and well-being comes before anything else.

2a. Replies vary by length and time. I normally work eight to ten hours a day and experience a lot of exhaustion. Unless I don’t see a thread or an ask going anywhere and publicly make a post saying it’s been dropped, consider everything as pending / will do ASAP. Memes are okay to send in late unless it clearly states, not accepting. My timezone is Eastern Standard Time or EST. United States is where I am located at. I am usually online from 10 PM EST to 3 AM EST unless it’s a day off from work, which the online time will vary from 12 PM EST to 3 AM EST.

2b.  Role-playing is a hobby, not a job. Do not pester me for replies or asks to be answered. I am not obligated to owe anyone anything on this website. I am human and can’t cater to everyone’s needs.  Being persistent here is not going to make me answer yours faster than other people.

2c. Don’t follow, unfollow, and then refollow my blog. It’s not going to make me want to follow you back, ever. It’s annoying and no one is being crafty by doing that. If you continue to do this and it isn’t a tumblr glitch, I will be inclined to block and possibly report for spam.

3. If you do need to break mutuals with me, HARD BLOCK my blog. Don’t just UNFOLLOW or SOFT BLOCK because chances are that I could mistakenly follow you again. And that’s something we both don’t want since it would be quite awkward.

3a. I have the right to unfollow whoever I want to and so do you. Please don’t go on a hunt and try to guilt trip me into following you back again. Just don’t. I can and will tell you the reason why I unfollowed you but other than that, just let me leave in peace.

3b. Personal blogs and non RP blogs will be blocked on site. Please, if you have a side blog let me know through asks so I don’t accidentally block you. IMs are not a good way to let me know since they are closed for non-mutuals.

4. Duplicates are welcomed to follow me. The more the merrier. I do not suffer from same muse anxiety and encourage any of the same muse to follow me. Only request is that you don’t steal my headcanons, edits or icons. Other than that, we should all be able to have a good time. I’m always up for twin verses or alternate universes shenanigans.

4a. Original Characters are allowed to follow me. However, they need to be a little flesh out before I make a decision to follow them back or not. Just a small backstory or biography is all that I need. Headcanons also work if there isn’t an about page but must have about one page worth for me to consider following.

4b. Crossover Characters from other shows are allowed to follow me but I must know about said muse or else I’ll have a hard time whether to follow or not. Few fandoms I won’t interact with because I have no interest in these series are: Avatar the Last Airbender, Avatar the Legend of Korra. ( more to be added ).

5. I am a multi-ship blog. All ships are separate in their own standings. Steve is 25 ( at the age when he was injected with the super soldier serum ). As such, I will only be shipping him romantically with muses his own age ( muses 20-30 ). Some threads may get a little spicy but nothing that requires a ‘ do not read at work’ type of posts. I will tag those post that are suggestive with a ‘spicy: tw & spicy for ts’ for blacklisting purposes.

5a. I am open to all kinds of ships, not just romantic ones. I also enjoy platonic, rivalry, and familiar bonds. All ships are open to discussions through my IM(s) or otherwise known as Instant Messenger. Chemistry is key. As long as we interact a little, there’s always the chance that both muses can be in a relationship.

6. Things for you to tag for me are: BIRDS, CHAIN LETTERS, ORGANS, DOGS. For the birds and dogs, just irl ones trigger me. I am fine with cartoon / art / video game ones as they are not real.

6a. This blog will contain sensitive themes from time to time. However, I will tag common things like those mentioned below. If you need anything tagged, please let me know through instant messaging / IMs. Things I’ll tag for you are but not limited to: BLOOD, GORE, DEATH, BODY HORROR, EYE HORROR, INSECTS, MAGGOTS, BRUISES, SCARS, GUNS, KNIVES, CLOWNS.  

7. I am over the age of eighteen. However, I refuse to write smut as I am not comfortable with that subject to begin with. Please never force me to write this with you and if you keep sending things to me in this type of nature, I will report you, no questions asked.

7a. If I see any form of hate and I find out it was you that sent it, I will immediately BLOCK you. No questions asked. Life is too short to send unwanted hate, anon or not. All anon hate and hate towards me and my characters ( s ) in general will be reported and then blocked, no questions asked.

8. My pen name on here is SERE. Obliviously, that is not my real name but it’s what I go by. It’s short for ‘Serena’, the English name that DIC gave Usagi Tsukino in the Americanized version of Sailor Moon. It’s pronounced; SIR-REE.

9. I am not a meme source. If you need to reblog a meme from my blog and don’t plan to send me anything, reblog from the source. I hardly get asks as it is, and for you to just use me as a meme source puts a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I’m being used, which isn’t a good feeling. If you wonder if you should send in a meme to me, please do. I love getting asks. I do hoard them from time to time like a dragon hoards treasure but I do get to them eventually. The more memes / asks, the merrier.

9a.  Feel free to turn inbox replies into threads. Just remember to make separate post when replying. Do not reblog threads not meant for you and don’t reblog my headcanons. It’s okay to reblog my asks though if you want them to be keepsakes on your own blog. Also, it’s alright to reblog musings and images from me.

10. I rather not be bothered by callout posts and any potential drama that might accumulate. I am just here to have fun and I hope everyone else can too. Life is too short to spend on certain things that don’t matter in the long run. If I see multiple call out posts from you in a single day or that’s all you post, I will quietly unfollow you.

11.  Out of character posts will be on here from time to time. Mostly talking about life in general or me venting once in a great while. If this annoys you, please remember that this is my blog, not yours. You are welcomed to unfollow / block at any time.

11a.  The best way to interact with me is to send memes / asks / inbox things. I am always up for unprompted things in my inbox. Also, my instant messenger is always open if someone needs to contact me out of character or to plot something. Don’t hesitate to talk to me. I will try my best to respond.

11b. Not interacting after a month or two with me and my blog will make me silently unfollow you or result in a soft block. Or if you don’t interact with me at all, even out of character. Also, if you are gone for more than 6 months, I consider your blog inactive and will probably assume that you aren’t going to return.

12. I’m really laid-back in nature so don’t feel pressure to reply to anything I send to you. I understand that life happens and that sometimes you just need to unwind from the stress of daily life.

13. For pronouns; either SHE/HER or THEY/THEM is okay with me. My orientation is DEMIROMANTIC ASEXUAL. I love anime, manga, video games, music, drawing, and writing. If you read all of this, then thank you! I won’t ask for passcodes but please still try to remember these at some point. That’s all I ask. <3.

( rules may be updated from time to time so please check here once in awhile. I will also post when these are updated as well

[maskthrown-a]

RULES

Short, sweet, and to the point. Follow these rules and we all have a great time.

1. Mutuals only. I must be following you and you must be following me.  Only those that I follow can like starter calls, send in character asks, and reply to posts.

1a. I will not interact with non-Mutuals, that includes asks, unless it’s done anonymously and it doesn’t have a url attached. Anyone who breaks this rule will get about a few pardons but after that will be blocked.

2. My time is limited here in what I can do. This means that I am very selective in what I reply to. Doesn’t necessary mean that I am ignoring anyone. Some days I reply to everything and everyone, others I am so burnt out from irl things or work that I just lurk and do the bare minimum. My mental health and well-being comes before anything else.

2a. Replies vary by length and time. I normally work eight to ten hours a day and experience a lot of exhaustion. Unless I don’t see a thread or an ask going anywhere and publicly make a post saying it’s been dropped, consider everything as pending / will do ASAP. Memes are okay to send in late unless it clearly states, not accepting. My timezone is Eastern Standard Time or EST. United States is where I am located at. I am usually online from 10 PM EST to 3 AM EST unless it’s a day off from work, which the online time will vary from 12 PM EST to 3 AM EST.

2b.  Role-playing is a hobby, not a job. Do not pester me for replies or asks to be answered. I am not obligated to owe anyone anything on this website. I am human and can’t cater to everyone’s needs.  Being persistent here is not going to make me answer yours faster than other people.

2c. Don’t follow, unfollow, and then refollow my blog. It’s not going to make me want to follow you back, ever. It’s annoying and no one is being crafty by doing that. If you continue to do this and it isn’t a tumblr glitch, I will be inclined to block and possibly report for spam.

3. If you do need to break mutuals with me, HARD BLOCK my blog. Don’t just UNFOLLOW or SOFT BLOCK because chances are that I could mistakenly follow you again. And that’s something we both don’t want since it would be quite awkward.

3a. I have the right to unfollow whoever I want to and so do you. Please don’t go on a hunt and try to guilt trip me into following you back again. Just don’t. I can and will tell you the reason why I unfollowed you but other than that, just let me leave in peace.

3b. Personal blogs and non RP blogs will be blocked on sight. Please, if you have a side blog let me know through asks so I don’t accidentally block you. IMs are not a good way to let me know since they are closed for non-mutuals.

4. Duplicates are welcomed to follow me. The more the merrier. I do not suffer from same muse anxiety and encourage any of the same muse to follow me. Only request is that you don’t steal my headcanons, edits or icons. Other than that, we should all be able to have a good time. I’m always up for twin verses or alternate universes shenanigans.

4a. Original Characters are allowed to follow me. However, they need to be a little flesh out before I make a decision to follow them back or not. Just a small backstory or biography is all that I need. Headcanons also work if there isn’t an about page but must have about one page worth for me to consider following.

4b. Crossover Characters from other shows are allowed to follow me but I must know about said muse or else I’ll have a hard time whether to follow or not. Few fandoms I won’t interact with because I have no interest in these series are: Avatar the Last Airbender, Avatar the Legend of Korra. ( more to be added ).

5. I am a multi-ship blog. All ships are separate in their own standings.  I am open to all kinds of ships, not just romantic ones. I also enjoy platonic, rivalry, and familiar bonds. All ships are open to discussions through my IM(s) or otherwise known as Instant Messenger.  Chemistry is key. As long as we interact a little, there’s always the chance that both muses can be in a relationship.  

6. Things for you to tag for me are: BIRDS, CHAIN LETTERS, ORGANS, DOGS. For the birds and dogs, just irl ones trigger me. I am fine with cartoon / art / video game ones as they are not real.

6a. This blog will contain sensitive themes from time to time. However, I will tag common things like those mentioned below. If you need anything tagged, please let me know through instant messaging / IMs. Things I’ll tag for you are but not limited to: BLOOD, GORE, DEATH, BODY HORROR, EYE HORROR, INSECTS, MAGGOTS, BRUISES, SCARS, GUNS, KNIVES, CLOWNS.  

7. I am over the age of eighteen. However, I refuse to write smut as I am not comfortable with that subject to begin with and most of my muses here are minors. Please never force me to write this with you and if you keep sending things to me in this type of nature, I will report you, no questions asked.

7a. If I see any form of hate and I find out it was you that sent it, I will immediately BLOCK you. No questions asked. Life is too short to send unwanted hate, anon or not. All anon hate and hate towards me and my characters ( s ) in general will be reported and then blocked, no questions asked.

8. My pen name on here is SERE. Obliviously, that is not my real name but it’s what I go by. It’s short for ‘Serena’, the English name that DIC gave Usagi Tsukino in the Americanized version of Sailor Moon. It’s pronounced; SIR-REE.

9. I am not a meme source. If you need to reblog a meme from my blog and don’t plan to send me anything, reblog from the source. I hardly get asks as it is, and for you to just use me as a meme source puts a bad taste in my mouth and I feel like I’m being used, which isn’t a good feeling. If you wonder if you should send in a meme to me, please do. I love getting asks. I do hoard them from time to time like a dragon hoards treasure but I do get to them eventually. The more memes / asks, the merrier.

9a.  Feel free to turn inbox replies into threads. Just remember to make separate post when replying. Do not reblog threads not meant for you and don’t reblog my headcanons. It’s okay to reblog my asks though if you want them to be keepsakes on your own blog. Also, it’s alright to reblog musings and images from me.

10.  I usually am not considered spoiler free. However, I do tag recent released games, which is Persona 5 Scramble / Strikers. All other games in the Persona 5 series ( original game, dancing in starlight, pq2, and royal ) will NOT be tagged. Follow at your own risk to avoid spoilers.

10a.  Knowledge in the Persona series is about ABOVE AVERAGE, please don’t keep pointing out mistakes. I know and will correct them due time.

10b. Please tag the popular ship AkeShu / ShuAke ( Goro Akechi x Persona 5 Protagonist ) / ( Persona 5 Protagonist x Goro Akechi ). I am not a fan of this ship at all and would request it to tagged at all times. Tags can be as simple as ‘akeshu’ and ‘shuake’.

11. I rather not be bothered by callout posts and any potential drama that might accumulate. I am just here to have fun and I hope everyone else can too. Life is too short to spend on certain things that don’t matter in the long run. If I see multiple call out posts from you in a single day or that’s all you post, I will quietly unfollow you.

12.  Out of character posts will be on here from time to time. Mostly talking about life in general or me venting once in a great while. If this annoys you, please remember that this is my blog, not yours. You are welcomed to unfollow / block at any time.

12a.  The best way to interact with me is to send memes / asks / inbox things. I am always up for unprompted things in my inbox. Also, my instant messenger is always open if someone needs to contact me out of character or to plot something. Don’t hesitate to talk to me. I will try my best to respond.

12b.  Not interacting after a month or two with me and my blog will make me silently unfollow you or result in a soft block. Or if you don’t interact with me at all, even out of character. Also, if you are gone for more than 6 months, I consider your blog inactive and will probably assume that you aren’t going to return.

13. I’m really laid-back in nature so don’t feel pressured to reply to anything I send to you. I understand that life happens and that sometimes you just need to unwind from the stress of daily life.

14. For pronouns; either SHE/HER or THEY/THEM is okay with me. My orientation is DEMIROMANTIC ASEXUAL. I love anime, manga, video games, music, drawing, and writing. If you read all of this, then thank you! I won’t ask for passcodes but please still try to remember these at some point. That’s all I ask. <3.

**DISCLAIMERS.

This blog has been established since January 1st, 2021. Independent and not affiliated with any role play group. Written by SERE.

( rules may be updated from time to time so please check here once in awhile. I will also post when these are updated as well ).

[the-tevinter-biscuit]

WIP Meme

Do This: List all the things you’re currently working on in as much or as little detail as you’d like, then tag some friends to see what they’re working on. This can be writing, arts, gifsets, whatever.

tagged by my good pal @gothic-princess-witch​ <3 i suppose this will serve as a good to-do list! and an opportunity for some teasers :) but what we’ll really learn is i cant name things

literally anyone who wants to do this can! i shan’t bother with tagging, but if you wanna then go for it! you can even say i tagged you, if you like 

long post is post so it’ll be under a cut

1. Rest Easy, Sweetheart (Currently: Chapter 4) - A direct sequel to my fic Milk Carton Kid  as it details Fenris’s healing process and adjustment to life back at home with his father, Sebastian, and ex?-boyfriend Garrett. Lots of angst and lots of hurt/comfort.

Isabela swung her arms wide open as she approached, ready to embrace Fenris in the world’s largest hug. She had always been a touchy person, taking every opportunity for contact. Before she could capture him, Garrett put a hand on her shoulder to stop her and then whispered something in her ear. From where he sat, Fenris couldn’t quite make out what it was that he said.

“Can I give you a hug Fenris?” she asked suddenly, arms wilting slightly as she stood directly in front of him. He swallowed roughly. For what it was worth, he couldn’t think of any reasons why she should make him uncomfortable, so he nodded slowly.

2. Mystery (Working Title) - When Fenris wakes up on a bridge in the middle of seemingly nowhere, he’s rightly confused. He can’t remember how he got there, or who this man is offering him a cigarette. All he knows is he wants to go home. With the bruises on his neck and a man who knows both too much and not enough as the only keys, he attempts to figure out what exactly happened to him.

“I know you want to leave but you can’t yet,” Hawke explained. Fenris’s head snapped up to look at him. 

“Do you know why I am here? How I got here?” he asked, determined for answers. The grin had faded from Hawke’s face and he didn’t answer for a moment, eyes drifting towards the sky. He had to have answers – he had to! “You have to answer me!”

After what felt like an eternity though was likely only a minute or two, he broke the silence with: “You specifically? I don’t. But we’ll both find out in time.”

3. Untitled - Fenris and Garrett and rival assassins who both get assigned to do the same job. At first, Garrett doesn’t recognise Fenris in all of his feminine get-up to have the upper-hand at the party, not until he catches him escaping from the scene after stealing his kill. A sorry excuse for smut.

When the mission came through, Fenris had immediately refused. It was a simple task, one that he could easily pull off. His target was an overweight, middle-aged man, wealthy and well-known for exploiting his workers. It was no wonder someone wished him dead. Annually, the target held a fancy party where he could mingle with younger women. He was after sex and they were after his wealth, the situation was simple enough. That wasn’t to say there weren’t men dotted around the place. Isabela had insisted however, that his chances of success would be much higher if he posed as a woman.

4. Longer version of Home - Garrett had only heard bad rumours about Fenris, an 8 year old boy from his class. But everyone deserved at least one friend right? What’s the worst that could happen? Angst-y children!AU covering some sensitive issues, particularly child abuse. Unsure of length at this point.

“He’s weird,” Anders said. “He gets into fights a lot. I heard he threw a chair at a teacher. He doesn’t like other people much I don’t think. I wouldn’t talk to him if I were you. What if he hits you or somethin’?” 

Hawke stiffened a little. He didn’t want to be hit, that was for sure. The boy was so small though, he couldn’t imagine his punches hurt much. However, what Anders said did seem to add up. He was covered in battle wounds that must be from fights and a repulsive attitude was sure to drive away other children. If he had been mean to a teacher, it was reason for them to not like him too. However, he was just a kid, wasn’t he? He wasn’t that much different from him. How could anyone hate Garrett Hawke? He was charming and witty with chubby cheeks and a cheeky smile. If anyone could get through to this kid, it would be him.

5. Into The Dark (aka. Teen AU) - Most of you know of this series, or my ask blog. Full fic documenting the love and life of Garrett Hawke and Fenris through highschool over 6 years from ages 11 to 17 in Kirkwall, England. Something is going on with Fenris after all, but what if he doesn’t want things to be fixed? A fic that encompasses all: humour, romance, drama, angst. This one is my big project and it probably won’t come out for a long time.

“But he…But he deserves it! You’ve heard what he says to me! He…He pushes my things off my desk and laughs at me and…and…it doesn’t stop outside of class he…he—” The boy, Fenris, was childishly babbling, voice cracking in places. Oh puberty, you were always a bitch. His eyes were becoming slightly watery, he blinked back the tears he was cut off by Mr. Vael.

“I know. We can sort this out but first you need to let go of him,” Hawke was surprised he wasn’t yelling at him, sending him to the headmistress. It was working though, Fenris’s shaky hands released Anders. He’d never forget the look of shock on Anders’s face for years to come as he did, genuinely surprised that Fenris had been defused so easily. 

6. Misc - I have some drawing prompts and drabbles to write in my inbox that I’ll get around to at some point probably.

[oxfordeliterp]

CONGRATULATIONS, LEONIE!

You have been accepted to play the role of ARABELLA WINDSOR with the faceclaim of ASHLEY BENSON. Please create your account and send it to the main in the next 24 hours. The alphabet must hate me, as the first decision I had to make turned out to be one of the more difficult ones   — with two applications for Arabella in the inbox from two equally lovely people with strong grasps on the same character and such distinctive approaches. Yet, I believe that the shoe fits you and that you’ve captured the apathy and the resentment towards the world, as well as a general coldness and, as you beautifully put it, the void. You could sense her versatility without turning her vulgar, and through your intuition you truly won me over. I cannot wait to see what you have in store and thank you for applying.

OUT OF CHARACTER INFORMATION

Name and pronouns: Leonie ; she/her(s).

Age:   nineteen(19).  

Time-zone: EST.

Activity level: On a number scale I would say I’m at around a 8/10 since I tend to linger online a lot since I don’t really have much to do during the day. My most active times is at night but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s exclusively during that time. 

Triggers: removed for privacy

Desired character:  Arabella Windsor — I actually had a very hard time picking a character bc they were all so above and beyond but when I was reading over Arabella’s bio I honestly felt like she was the perfect match for me. From her broken spirit when her parents didn’t let her do what she had wished for since she young, to their rejection of her first boyfriend all the way to the fact that she seems to be sleeping with people solely to fill a void that she can never seem to fill (at least that’s how I’ve interpreted it). Her complexity is extremely captivating and I would love to see if it’s possible for her to leave her bitterness and move forward to a happier place - even if she thinks she is fine where she is right now (lowkey not tho) 

IN CHARACTER INFORMATION

Gender and pronouns of the character: cis female ; she/her(s) 

Changes: I would love to change her faceclaim to Ashley Benson should I be accepted. Aside from that, I have absolutely nothing to change - everything is perfect! 

Traits: abrasive: unfortunately, Arabella hung up her riding boots and took to using a sharp tongue and her fists far too quickly that she never really knows what she’s doing. the abrasive nature comes out the most when she’s been drinking but even when she’s not, she can occasionally take people’s comments a bit too close to heart if she’s been having a bad day which only results in her anger bubbling over and her lunging for whomever did the wrong. male, female, etc. she doesn’t care. flirtatious: being a flirt was something that Arabella developed over time. when she was younger shy was actually more shy and reserved in her advances but the moment she turned into the hellfire that is growing every day, the flirtatious behavior is almost present every minute of every hour of every day. anyone is a possible ‘victim’ either it be with a simple flirtatious bat of the eyelashes and upturned playful smirk on her ruby red lips. it’s almost natural and careless and works like a glove if the person is really willing. stubborn : stubbornness is the trait that seeps through every single pore of Arabella’s body. she was stubborn in keeping her parents away from her life, she was stubborn in keeping Marc in her bed very well knowing that the guilt Elizabeth made her feel didn’t overpower her general need of his body, she’s stubborn in not letting go of the life that she’s living. tell her what to do and she’ll say no. she gets what she wants the moment she wants it and if not, she can and will throw a fit - or worse, attempt to throw someone under the bus with random rumors. curious: something she will always be is curious. there are constant and never ending questions in the mind of Arabella Windsor that propel her through her day-to-day life and often times lead her down the route less travelled in her attempts to make her parents more and more disappointed in her. but this also means she can often have a naive mentality since some things just result in made up answers she draws at night alone. adventurous: you can’t cause chaos without have an adventurous spirit and that’s something that Arabella has been basking in since she was younger. however, instead of using her adventurous ways to learn to ride a horse she uses it more for deciding what boundaries to push with her clothing or finding different ways to gain pleasure from her night time rendez-vous with whomever makes their way into her bed. independent: even though she was rather dependent on her parents when she was younger, arriving at Oxford has made Arabella form very thick skin to the point that she relies on herself and herself alone. She dreams of the day where she can escape her parents support but she also dreams of the day where her independence can take her to places that she never imagined before - since in the deepest and darkest pits of her heart, she is still the little girl wanting fame and fortune. starry eyed: as much as she would have liked to rid herself of the way that she once was, Arabella is still filled with a lot of naive thoughts about the world - mainly in regards to her parents or people like Jacob de Terreros. it is something that she can’t seem to escape from despite her reputation of a bitch but it’s also something that she tends to play into to fill the ruse that she looks innocent whilst being anything but.

Extras:

major: medicine - at first she decided to major in medicine because she wanted to please her parents but when she left that dream behind, she merely stayed there as a way to disappoint them further in a field that both of them excelled in. she’s fairly certain she won’t do it as a profession once she’s out of oxford but it helps keep her there for now when she’s not on the verge of getting kicked out. headcanon #1: whenever she sleeps with a guy - or girl - Arabella often remembers the very first time that she had sex with her very first love. the way that his hands slid smoothly down her body, they way he seemed so gentle with her even if she had been rather scared, the way that his eyes were filled with nothing but warmth and hers with nothing but adoration. it’s the one thing that dawns on her during sex because she can’t remember the last time that she had ever been with someone that made her feel like such an angel in bed. the closest thing to that would be her thing with Marc but sometimes she wonders if it would really ever be matched since everything with Marc is kept in the shadows. but if it does, she would be too fearful to even mention it. headcanon #2: Arabella remembers very fondly the very last nanny that she had due to the fact that one night before leaving to go to Oxford, she got home completely wasted in an attempt to give one last kick to her parents but didn’t find them at home. all she found was her nanny waiting for her in the kitchen. the woman took the blonde and sat her down gently and made her several cups of tea as well as a nice sandwich for the girl to eat. she refused her care with disgusted snarls and slurred words but she never flinched and persisted to make sure Arabella didn’t end up completely knocked out. when she cried and complained about her parents and how unfairly they treated her, the woman held her hand and listened with not a single word to be said. she calls Arabella now and again and she answers briefly but it offers the young woman a sense of comfort. even if she lost that a long time ago. headcanon #3: in a little box stored away in the furthest corner under her bed, Arabella keeps a box that contains old photographs of her time as a picture perfect lady of society. either it be her on her old horse, holding trophies, in a pretty dress her father had gotten her for an event of sorts. dozens upon dozens of photographs labeled with the date and a small caption. she will occasionally look through the box of photographs when she has free time and think about what her life would have been like if her parents hadn’t set such strict guidelines for her. if they hadn’t interrupted her dreams. she could have gone to the best acting school, been on red carpets. and yet there she was. and all these memories fuel her bitterness and hatred even more. headcanon #4: Arabella has a small amount of tattoos in very random spots on her body. a vine with small leaves and thorns around her left wrist, a pair of lips on her right hip and a chain of differently shaped stars running down her spine. none of them have a specific meaning but she believed them to be pretty and that her parents would just adore the photos she sent them of her getting them done.

Quote #1: “Clever girl. You play with fire because you want to be burnt.” Quote #2: “She sins to forget she has a heart” Quote #3: “She kissed demons and slept with ghosts because living with the dead felt more like home” Quote #4: “She looks so pure, so angelic. But be full of care. The most beautiful flowers can be the most toxic. She appears to be an angel, a saint, but be careful. Even satan was once an angel.”

PARA SAMPLE

The quiet bedroom came to a soft silence as the noise of a creaking bed, backboard hitting the wall and pleasured moans soon came to a stop. Whilst they remained in the same exact position - her straddling his sides whilst he lay there with his hands on her hips - the only thing that changed was the position of the two naked bodies. She moved away from his lower torso and settled just where his belly button called a home. Hands trailed down his chest as a devilish smirk appeared on her plump cherry pink lips, a matching grin came from the man as Arabella soon found herself being flipped onto her back with him now in a position of power over her. It wasn’t like she disliked it since it quite frankly turned her on in all areas of the word but it was definitely uncommon for her to see him take reins on her when it was already over. The young woman let out a soft hum as she felt his lips connect to her jaw and she knew very well that he was simply teasing her. He always did. It drove her crazy that this asshole could manage something so basic so quickly when others struggled to even make her peak. It reminded Arabella of the first time that Marc had actually been entangled in her bedsheets with him. A night of drinking and excess amount of flirting close to the bathrooms led to them taking a taxi back to her place and not even making it to the bed the first time because they spent a good time making out in the small living room. But then after, Arabella knew she could resist the temptation of forbidden fruit.

Sure she felt bad about the fact that she was sleeping with a guy who had a girlfriend that was as sweet as sugar but there was that thin line that blurred when Arabella felt the need for attention. Attention her parents had never given her that she now believed could be found with a simple one night stand. But Marc had turned into a one night stand that now had a permanent stay in the Arabella suites when it was possible. Actually, correction, not whenever possible because there was days where she hated him. Despised him. Wished for him to go and jump off the tallest tower at Oxford and fall onto a thick metal spear. The exact sentiment that she had been feeling earlier in the night when they had both been at a party held somewhere off campus. They never spoke to each other in daylight but the entire evening had been composed of Arabella shooting him a glare or two that was simply a natural reaction so that people could more or less see that there was nothing going on there - especially given the reputation the young woman had gained. She had actually been expecting to finally get somewhere with Aria instead of simply flirting but unfortunately, the girl in question had left the party far too early and not at all drunk enough for Bella to truly attempt to get in her pants.

After several glasses of vodka, Arabella was starting to get wilder by the second which meant more eyes on her; something that only made her thrive and smirk in satisfaction. Body on body, the girl couldn’t even remember who’s lips had been touched by hers or who had groped her ass for a little too long. What she did remember was that after a while a hand grabbed her wrist and pulled her far away from the crowd to a dark bathroom with nothing but irritating in their eyes. Arabella laughed at the males reaction so much that she felt like her chest was going to cave in and her sides to split; a result of the alcohol. But with her back against the door and arms pushing her into place, she could say no. Lips parting as she snarled an ‘I hate you,’ it all became a blur to the point in the present where she found him latched to the sweet spot just under her ear where her jaw began. an intake of a shaky breathe could be heard from Arabella’s lips which made her they had just had sex. But Arabella never wanted to let him believe that he meant something to her, that he was the closest thing she had to a real connection with someone that wasn’t just plainly focused on sex. That would be something that he could hold over her head and possibly kill the title she had claimed as a woman of many, not just one.

So she did the only thing she could think of; pushed her palms against his bare shoulders and forced him off of her to the spot beside her instead. “I’m done, Marc,” she told him bluntly as she left her sheets, naked frame walking to grab her emerald green robe that was soon thrown over her shoulders and body, tied off at her waist. She heard him snap a ‘what?’ at her which made the female turn around, “I said I’m done. Finished. Bored of being around you. Have you gone deaf now? Goodness me, I would suggest going to the doctor to check your hearing before you start getting grey hair to match your ancient age.” Bare feet walked across the floor as she threw his things at him before opening the door, “What are you waiting for? Do you want me to hold your hand to the exit, honey?” Her voice was condescending and shallow but it worked. He was soon gone but the memory of his body meshed against hers remained. A faint smile appeared. An odd sight but a genuine one.

[anavoliselenu]

Beautiful lies chapter 15

"The money is yours. I never wanted to pay for sex, Selena. I just didn’t want that asshole bidding on you at the auction to go home with you. You were too good, too pure and beautiful to belong to him." His admission takes my breath away. I feel helpless and out of control and I want to cry.

"I’ve spent a good chunk of the money on Becca’s treatment, and I have no way to repay you, but the rest I could return to you," I stammer.

"First off, I would never accept repayment. Had I known Becca before all this started, I would have gladly paid to enroll her in the experimental treatment program. And I’d never expect you to return the money."

"I don’t feel right keeping the remainder of the money."

"It’s yours to do with what you wish."

This conversation is like a game of ping-pong and my brain feels fuzzy.  "So how would this work?" I ask, shocked to see I’m actually considering it.

"You agreed to give me six months," he reminds me.

"I also agreed to give you my virginity," I add.

"But I didn’t take that."

"No, you didn’t," I agree. A fact that I’m painfully aware of.

"Are you still intact?" he asks, his tone raspy and deep.

A warm current zips through me, flushing my cheeks and soaking my panties. "Of c-course." My voice is hoarse and Justin’s dark eyes roaming on mine make it impossible to speak clearly.

I see the vein throb at the base of his throat. "Good girl," he admonishes.

I’d waited twenty-one years, did he really think I’d just thrown it away with some random guy in the two weeks we’d been apart? Why do I sense this is all some carefully crafted ploy to keep me here in his bed? "Where will I sleep?" I ask.

His mouth turns down just a fraction. "Wherever you like."

"A guest room I suppose," I say more to myself than to him as I think of his strange proposition.

"If you prefer."

He’s being so amiable, so accommodating. The change is refreshing after the emotional hell he’s put me through. I’m still unsure about what exactly he’s proposing and if he really expects me to remain living here for the next six months, but for some strange reason, I don’t hate the idea. We watch each other in silence for several moments, each of us digesting what it would mean for us to be just friends. My heart hurts just thinking about it. It would mean I couldn’t touch him, I wouldn’t feel the heat of his body pressing adamantly against mine. I release a little sigh. "If you’re set on me keeping the money, I assume I’m free to spend it however I wish?"

"Of course you can," he says.

"Then I’d like to donate it to your charity work in Africa."

A slow smile uncurls on his lips. "Okay then."

***

I’d only come to Los Angeles to gather my belongings from the mansion and get closure from Justin by listening to whatever it was that he wanted to tell me. Instead, I find myself moving my clothing from his master closet into a guest room down the hall that smells of lint and furniture polish.

The bed is dressed in shell blue linens and the furniture is modern, clean lines in white enamel. A large mirror hangs on the wall and decorative sconces flank either side of the cream upholstered headboard.

I pull open the white gauzy drapes shading the large picture windows and look out at the pool below. A cool shudder passes through me and I wrap my arms around my middle. I have no desire to be anywhere near that pool and I snap the curtains closed, blocking it from view. Just seeing the crystal blue water sparkle in the sunlight brings on a fresh wave of pain and humiliation at the memory of Stella’s cold glare and icy tone as she informed me, in no uncertain terms, that she was his wife. The word wife –in relation to Justin– doesn’t resonate. Especially coming from that woman's mouth. I could never see him with someone like her. They just don’t fit. It makes me wonder if I even know him at all. An even better reason to remain friends while I figure that out. I want more with Justin. I want back that raw feeling of sexual energy that flows so easily between us whenever he’s near –but I will settle for friends – for now, as we navigate this bumpy road we’d found ourselves on.

After I’ve finished moving my meager belongings into my new room, I’m left feeling bored and alone. But rather than going to find Justin in this monstrous house, I flop down on the bed and dial Becca on my cell.

"Hey hey," she answers, chipper as ever, as though she hasn’t battled aggressive stage-four cancer for the past several years.

"Hi." Her strength and determination to live take my breath away and suddenly complaining to her about my dilemma with Justin seems childish and immature.

"What’s wrong?" she asks.

"Nothing," the lie slips easily from my mouth. "I just might be staying here longer than I expected."

"Oh? Did Mr. Sexy, Rich and Handsome win you back already?"

"Sort of," I admit. Justin had been more open and exposed than I had expected, and it tugged at something inside me. "He proposed that I continue living here and working with Kylie."

"And I take it you accepted?" she asks.

"I’m gonna try it," I confirm.

"I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t live with Mom and Dad either if I didn’t have to."

We don’t discuss the fact that she isn’t able to live on her own for health reasons. It hurts to even think about.

"And what about you guys?" she asks. "Are you a couple again, or what?"

"No." This time my voice is firm. "He said just as friends and I agreed. We’re going to take things slow while he works on his past."

"I think that’s a good idea. I know you were happy there. But what made you reconsider? He’s hung like a baby elephant, isn’t he?"

"Becca!" I chastise her. "Always with the sex on the brain."

"I can’t help it. It’s better to let my mind drift there than to something more morbid. Penis is my happy place."

I can hear her smile through the phone and I like it. "Penis is a good thing."

"So…what are you going to do about Justin’s peen?"

"Take it slow, just like he proposed. I’m pretty sure that means there’s no peen in my future."

"Boo. You’re boring. I’m going to go to McGilroy’s and get a hot fudge sundae."

"Appetite’s back?" I ask.

"Yup. I’ll be fat before you know it."

Yeah right. The idea of Becca anything other than stick-skinny would be a miracle. She has a hard time keeping food down and thus trouble with her weight. "Have fun. Love you."

"Love you too, but you’re the one who needs to have fun. Figure out a way to speed up his divorce so you can jump that boy."

"On it." I smile, and end the call.

I cradle the phone in my hands for several minutes after we end the call. God, I love my sister. After organizing my room the best I can, I decide to go off in search of Justin.

I find him sitting on a stool at the kitchen island, his tablet in front of him with an inbox full of emails that he’s clicking his way through.

"Am I interrupting?" I ask, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Of course not. Are you okay?"

I nod. "I just called Becca to tell her I’m staying."

He’s quiet, but his calm demeanor tells me this makes him happy.

Rather than sitting at the stool next to him, I round the kitchen island and stand across from him, leaning my elbows against the slab of granite.

He chuckles at me. "What’s on your mind, sweetness?"

I didn’t realize I was that obvious. I straighten my shoulders and relax the line crinkling my brow. "You and Stella…" I shouldn’t ask, I’m only torturing myself, but I can’t help it. I need to know, because I just can’t picture him with her. "I want to know the nature of your relationship. Was it like a regular marriage, with all the perks and benefits of marriage?"

He presses a button darkening the screen on his tablet and draws a steading breath. "What are you asking?"

"You lived here with her. I’m assuming this house is full of memories for you, and it’s just strange for me to think of you with another woman living here, sleeping together in the bed I shared with you…"

"What do you want to know?" Justin asks.

"I guess what I want to know is…were you happy? Stella, in my very brief interaction, seemed quite different from me." She was all hardened exterior, sharp edges and manicured to the last inch of her.

"You were different. Fuck, you are different, Selena."

I like knowing that perhaps what he and I shared was different from what he had with her. "How so?"

"You’re soft and sweet and gentle. You make me laugh."

"I hate that you have memories with her of things you and I never shared."

I’m sure he knows I’m talking about sex, and my cheeks flush slightly. He said we’re only friends, so why I'm pushing him to tell me about their sexual history, I have no idea. I sound like a jealous girlfriend, but I’m unable to stop myself.

Justin leans in toward me, his dark eyes pinning me in place. "Do you want to know why I only wanted oral sex with you?"

I nod, unable to resist the nugget of information he’s dangling in front of me.

"Because, that’s something Stella wouldn’t do."

"What are you saying?"

"I never fucked her mouth. I never completely lost myself with her. Each time with you – it was just us. There were no bitter memories to taint that. It was our thing."

His words send a rush of conflicting emotions skittering through me. My heartbeat thrums in my chest as I remember our erotic encounters with vivid clarity. "She wouldn’t…Why?"

He shrugs. "Said she didn’t like the taste. Of course, that’s exactly what I caught her doing to the gardener – deep throating him in the library. She seemed to like it just fine – as long as it wasn’t with me."

My heart aches for him. As pissed as I am, I’m beginning to understand the deep hurt and mistrust he’s carried around with him. I recall how he never seemed to want to go into that room and my heart softens just a bit. And I do like knowing that as trivial as it is, going down on him was something only I did. I guess I now understand his aversion to the library too.

"Being with her was a mere convenience. You are a choice. One I desperately want to make – if you’ll let me."

His words rattle me. I shouldn’t trust him – not after he lied about his past – made me believe he was single. Yet, there’s no denying part of me still wants him. "But you said friends." My voice is tiny. It would take little to no effort on his part to convince me we’d be better as more than friends. The heat buzzing between us is palatable and intense.

"For now, yes. I want you to trust me again. I won’t push you yet."

Yet. That word rings loudly in my head.  I swallow heavily, trying to decipher the deeper meaning behind his words. He wants me back, I’m sure of it. So why in the hell won’t he just divorce Stella and move on with his life? Two years of waiting her out seems extreme. Even for someone as stubborn and cocky as Justin.

"I’m sorry…" I apologize, though I’m not entirely sure for what. I just hate the thought of Colt finding that witch on her knees, giving to another man what she withheld from him.

"Don’t be," he says, coolly. But his eyes tell a different story. They’re dark and faraway, as if he’s fighting to escape the sour memories that follow him around the rooms of his own house.

I leave Justin to his work and find myself wandering the rooms of his house, ending in the library. I hate Stella. I can't say I've ever really hated anyone before, I hate Becca's cancer, I hate that Justin is married, but I absolutely fucking hate Stella. She's made a man who is so sweet under his hardened exterior question himself and his relationships. I stand there in the library, silently staring off into space for far too long.

When I find Justin in his office later, I convince him to leave his work for the night and get some sleep. The dark circles under his eyes tug at something inside me, but I resist the urge to wrap my arms around his neck. He is not mine to soothe.

We part ways at the top of the stairs and say goodnight. The walk to the guest room feels too long and just odd. As I crawl in between the cool sheets, my thoughts are squarely on the man down the hall.

***

The following day is interesting. A strange sense of unease grows as the day passes. We eat our meals together, I go for a jog, and Justin works at the kitchen island while I flip through a magazine, but I can’t help but feel something is off. We’re struggling to find our rhythm as just friends. I keep stealing glances at him, noticing the way his white t-shirt clings to his sculpted chest and I feel his eyes on my backside when I walk away. I hate that I can’t touch him.

Is it even possible to be friends with a man I want so desperately?

When night falls, I’ve showered and brushed my teeth and done my regular nightly ritual, but I’m anything but ready for bed. My body is wound too tight. I’m beginning to think this new arrangement I’ve agreed to will never work.

After tossing and turning for an hour, I decide to go to Justin. I know my actions – going into his bedroom in the middle of the night – will define how we spend our next several months, but I don’t care. I need to see him, to talk to him, to understand what I’m getting myself into.

I creep down the hallway on tiptoes like a stealthy intruder and tap gently on his door.

No response.

Maybe he’s already asleep.

I let myself in and my eyes search out the darkened room. His blankets are in a messy heap on the bed, but I don’t see any movement.

"Justin?" I whisper.

Nothing.

I creep closer and kneel at the edge of the mattress. Now that my eyes have adjusted to the pitch darkness, I can see he’s not here. The room is quiet and empty.

A pang of disappointment, followed by curiosity flares inside me.

I venture off in search of him.

Chapter Five

Selena

Nightfall has bathed the house in near total blackness, save for the little path lights that are strategically placed in outlets throughout the home. It’s just enough light for me to see as I navigate the stairs and head toward Justin’s office. I pass the den on my way and confirm he’s not in there. Perhaps he couldn’t sleep either and he’s gotten up to work. His blankets were strewn across his bed like he’d fought with them. My guess is that he attempted sleep, just like me, and lost the battle.

His office door is open and a lamp provides a swath of soft light. I hear grunting sounds and my stomach lurches.

I step around the doorway and I’m utterly shocked at what I find.

Justin is sitting in his leather chair, his pants are undone and his thick cock is standing proudly. His hand is moving up and down in short, uneven strokes and he’s grunting softly.

My pussy clenches at the sight of him. I release a tiny whimper and his eyes snap up to mine.

"Christ, Selena." He tucks himself back inside his pants, which is not an easy task. He’s rock hard and his engorged cock does not look happy to be stuffed into the confined space. I wince just watching him.

"Don’t you fucking knock?" he barks in my direction.

"The door was open," I murmur, feeling idiotic.

He looks behind me to the open doorway. "I suppose it was. What are you doing out of bed though?"

"I think the better question is, what are you?" I feel cheeky and want to watch him squirm a bit at being caught. Except he’s collected and composed, and continues watching me calmly.

He shakes his head at me, obviously not taking the bait. "Don’t ask questions that you’re not prepared to hear the answers to."

I’m not sure what he means, but I cross the room and stand before him, my legs still shaky from what I just witnessed. "You were pleasuring yourself."

He’s quiet and still.

I hadn’t meant it as an accusation, but thankfully Justin doesn’t seem to take offense. "I’m just curious…"

"I have needs, Selena, as you know."

I nod. "We both do." I take a step closer.

"Be careful, sweetness. You’re playing with fire, tempting me, making me want something I can’t have."

"Who says you can’t?" I don’t know who the girl is taunting him, but I’m feeling bold and restless and lonely. It’s a piss poor combination, and makes me want to act out.

He lifts one dark eyebrow, watching me closely. "Did you change your mind about all this, because I’ll fuck you here and now, so deep you’ll still feel my cock inside you tomorrow."

I don’t say anything else, mostly because I don’t know what to say, but my body is humming with anticipation. My nipples harden against the flimsy tank top and my panties cling to my sensitive folds.

Justin releases a frustrated groan and pushes his palm against his erection – which is definitely still there. "What in the actual fuck, Selena?" His tone is a cross between playful and angry.

"I’m sorry I interrupted you," I say.

"Fuck it," he says, leaning his head back against the leather chair and closing his eyes.

When he opens them again, his anger is gone. All I see is lust.

"Why didn't you ever take me?" I ask.

"As the weeks passed, you started to mean more to me. I didn't want to take something from you that wasn't mine."

It is yours, I want to tell him. "But that day that Stella showed up, you were going to." I'd seen the look of resolve in his eyes and I knew he was finally going to give himself to me.

"Because I knew in that moment you belonged to me. Even without the auction, without the agreement. You were mine."

I watch his eyes, not disagreeing in the slightest. I still am.

The way his dark gaze sweeps over to mine tells me he wants me, yet he’s choosing not to push me. I want to know why. "Why did you suggest we be just friends?" I ask.

He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. Then he motions for me to sit down in one of the chairs across from his desk.

I follow his lead and sit, tucking my bare legs underneath me. The tank top and pajama short set I’m wearing is no match against the cool air conditioning. Either that or my body is still trembling from what I witnessed when I walked in.

"I was developing real feelings for you, something that scared the fuck out of me given my past."

"I don’t understand. We were both falling…" It’s the first time I’ve admitted my true feelings, but something tells me this is no surprise to him.

Justin doesn’t say anything, he just patiently watches me like we have all night to sit here and speak in riddles. Perhaps his just friends speech was only that – a hollow request made only to get me to stay.

"If you want a real shot with me, I need a few things from you," he says.

"Such as?"

"You know I’ve been burned before when it comes to women, and money and trust."

"Yes," I acknowledge.

"Women usually only want me for my money," he adds.

"What does that have to do with me?" I am the furthest thing from a gold digger there is.

"Well, you have to admit the start to our relationship doesn’t exactly instill confidence. You only agreed to go with me that night because I was paying you."