#(and it sounded far too romantic for his artistic brain to fully handle rn) ���what if i had been planning to from the start”

[discocandles]

ok but here's how im seeing the dialogue for the whole sword and the stone thing going:

“Dustin, you're supposed to be the smart one here. did you really think trying to hoist a sword from a stone would be a simple, easy task?”

“eat shit, you jackass. and if it takes more strength than we have combined, why dont you. as the strongest of us, pull it out?”

“fine, thanks for the compliment. but again, making it sound easier than it is. this shit isnt just grabbing it with one hand and yanki-”

*Very Dramatic Sword Unsheathing Noise* "STIOFAN, FIRST SON OF-"

*slams sword back in* "oh fuck that."

Fantasy AU where Steve, in the process of mocking the Party trying to pull the legendary sword of the kingdom, pulls said sword.

He refuses to do anything with it and the kids, tired of pestering him to Fulfill the Prophecy, respond by hiring the local bard (Eddie) to follow Steve around until he gets off his ass and goes adventuring.

Eventually, Steve agrees to go on his epic quest. Only everything is absolutely ridiculous and not at all like it was supposed to be.

Highlights include:

The princess he was supposed to save (Nancy) having long saved herself with zero desire to return home (she's not done learning about the kingdom properly and is downright nasty with a bow)

The dragon Steve was supposed to defeat having keeled over ages ago leaving a baby dragon (Dart, who Dustin insists they keep) behind

And

Steve being under a curse from some evil villian for five entire seconds, because he needed to get "true loves first kiss" to break it and he just blinked, shrugged, and planted one on Eddie.

(Robin almost gets killed because she was laughing too hard to fight the villian right after but it was worth it.)