#(and how grateful I am to a wonderful actress playing her on screen)

[cheynovak]

A Night to Remember 

Part 5: pushing boundaries 

Jensen Ackles x F/Reader Y/N      

Warnings: On screen chemistry, sexual tension, unfaithful, ...     

Side note: English isn’t my first language 

 

-- 

Will the world believe that Jensen and Y/N were acting, will the world believe the picture was a publicity stunt? But more importantly, will they?    

Or is their tension towards each other, their ‘harmless’ flirting going to burst into flames? How much longer will they be able to keep their professional distance?  

-- 

Headline: TMZ News

Y/N Y/L/N announces Departure from "The Boys," Sparks new speculation over cozy photo with Co-star Jensen Ackles. 

In a surprising and emotional announcement, Y/N Y/L/N, who has become a beloved character on the hit series "The Boys," revealed that she will not be returning for the upcoming season.  

The news has left fans reeling, especially given her character's immense popularity. Y/L/N, known for her dynamic portrayal and strong on-screen presence, has been a fan favourite since she joined the cast last season as Soldier Boy’s love interest.  

Her departure marks a significant shift for the show, which has built a dedicated following thanks to its daring storytelling and complex characters. The actress shared the news on her social media, thanking her co-stars, the production team, and the fans for their unwavering support.  

"It's been an incredible journey, and I am so grateful for the experience and the friends I've made along the way," she wrote.  

While the official reason for Y/L/N's departure remains undisclosed, fans and media alike are speculating on possible causes.

The recent photo that surfaced online has added fuel to the fire.

The picture, which shows Y/L/N and her co-star Jensen Ackles looking particularly close in a bar, has sparked a flurry of rumours.  

The two actors, who share significant chemistry both on and off-screen, were seen enjoying a night out, leading to questions about whether their friendship extended beyond their professional relationship. The timing of the photo's release has led some to wonder if it played a role in Y/L/N's decision to leave the show.  

Some insiders suggest that the image might have caused tension behind the scenes, while others believe it was a planned publicity stunt. Despite the rumours, neither Y/L/N nor Ackles has commented on the nature of their relationship or the speculation surrounding the photo. 

 "The Boys" production team has yet to address the departure publicly, but it's expected that the upcoming season will undergo significant changes to account for Y/L/N's absence. Fans are left to speculate how the show will adapt and what new dynamics will emerge among the remaining cast members.  

For now, the focus remains on Y/N's next steps. While her departure is a loss for "The Boys," it opens up new opportunities for the actress. As fans bid farewell to her character, they will undoubtedly be watching closely to see what exciting projects she takes on next.  

-- 

Jensen sat in his study at home, scrolling through his phone. The news of Y/Ns departure from "The Boys" had just hit, and he felt a pang of sadness. Friends from the cast had called and texted him. Asking if he knew more, but he didn’t.  

As he read the article he was upset and angry, what hurt the most was finding out through her Instagram post, like everyone else. He sighed, running a hand through his hair, and opened his messaging app.  

Hesitating for a moment, he finally typed out a message to Y/N.  

J: Hey Y/N, just read the news. Can't believe you're leaving. Wish I had heard it from you first. Are you okay?  

He hit send and stared at the screen, waiting for the familiar three dots to appear, indicating she was typing back. Minutes felt like hours as he waited, his mind racing with questions and emotions. Jensen watched as his message was marked as read, but no reply came.  

His chest tightened with worry. After a few minutes of silence, he couldn't hold back his thoughts any longer.  

J: Y/N, please talk to me. Was it because of that night? Did I mess things up for you? 

J: I’m so sorry if I did anything wrong. I never wanted to cause you any trouble.  

J: Please, just tell me what's going on.  

He stared at his phone, hoping for a response, but still, nothing came. The silence was deafening, and he felt a mix of guilt and sadness wash over him.  

J: Please, Y/N, I just want to understand.  

Jensen felt a lump in his throat as he typed out another message, his fingers trembling slightly.  

J: I really hurt you, didn't I? If I did, I'm so sorry, Y/N. That was never my intention.  

J: I just want to make things right. Please talk to me.  

He sent the message and leaned back, his mind racing with memories of their time together. Jensen's phone buzzed, and he quickly opened the message, hoping for a conversation. His heart sank as he read her response.  

Y/N: Please, Jensen, just leave me be. 

Jensen felt a surge of desperation. He couldn't just let it end like this. 

J: Y/N, I can’t just let this go. I need to know what's going on between us. Please, talk to me. I thought we were ok, that you weren’t hurt?  

J: You said you weren’t...  

After a few moments, another message from Y/N appeared.  

Y/N: It hurt me more than I thought it would, Jensen. But I understand. You chose your marriage it normal, just leave me alone, please. I need time.  

 

J: I get it. Y/N, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. I was trying to do the right thing, but I never meant for it to end up like this. Can we please talk about it?  

He sent the message, hoping she would be willing to have an honest conversation. Jensen stared at his phone, feeling a deep sense of guilt and regret wash over him. Y/N’s words echoed in his mind, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he had let her down.  

Just then, his wife Danneel peeked into the room. “Hey, are you ready for dinner?” she asked, noticing his troubled expression. Jensen looked up, trying to muster a smile. “Yeah, I’m coming.”  

They sat down for dinner, but Danneel could tell something was off. Jensen picked at his food, his mind clearly elsewhere. Finally, she broke the silence.  

“Do you know why Y/N quit the show?” she asked gently. Jensen’s reaction was immediate. He tensed up, his fork clattering onto his plate. He looked up at Danneel, his eyes betraying the turmoil he felt inside.  

“I... I’m not sure,” he stammered, though he knew it was more complicated than that. Danneel’s eyes narrowed slightly, a mix of concern and curiosity crossing her face. “Jensen, why does it upset you so much that she’s leaving?” she asked, her voice tinged with a hint of jealousy and nervousness.  

Jensen sighed, running a hand through his hair. “Danneel, it’s not just about her leaving. It’s... complicated. I just feel responsible, like maybe I could have done something to help her stay.”  

Danneel’s gaze softened, but the worry didn’t leave her eyes. “Are you sure it’s just that? You’ve been really upset since you found out.” Jensen hesitated, knowing he needed to be honest but couldn’t.  

“Ever since this photo got out, and people started talking. I think it caused problems for her, and now I feel like it’s my fault.” He started.  

Danneel bit her lip, a mixture of relief and lingering doubt in her expression. “Jensen, I understand that you care about your co-stars, but it’s just a show. Our family is what’s important.”  

He reached across the table, taking her hand in his. “I know, and I love you and the kids more than anything. I just hate that Y/N’s hurting because of something that might have been my fault.” Danneel nodded, squeezing his hand.  

“Just remember where your priorities are. She’ll find her way." 

Months had passed since Y/N had announced her departure from tv for a while and Jensen found himself checking her Instagram regularly.  

Y/N had decided to take a break from acting, and her feed was filled with vibrant snapshots of her travels. She seemed to be on a journey of self-discovery, documenting her adventures around the globe.  

One day, Jensen scrolled through his Instagram feed and saw a new post from Y/N. She was dancing joyfully in Brazil, her face lit up with a carefree smile. He couldn’t help but feel a mix of relief and sadness seeing her so happy yet so distant.  

J: I'm glad to see you smiling. Brazil looks amazing. Hope you're doing well.  

A few weeks later, another post appeared. Y/N was soaking up the sun in Bali, wearing a bikini and looking more relaxed than he had ever seen her. He sent her another message. - 

J: Bali suits you. It’s great to see you enjoying yourself.  

The posts continued: under cherry blossoms in Japan, exploring ancient temples, hiking through lush forests. Each time, Jensen sent a message, and each time, he was met with silence.  

J: Japan looks beautiful. Hope you're finding what you're looking for.  

Y/N read each message, but never responded. Jensen knew she was seeing them, as the read receipts popped up every time. Despite the lack of replies, he couldn’t stop himself from reaching out. 

He felt an unshakable sense of responsibility and guilt, hoping that his words might somehow reach her heart.  

J: Wherever you are, I hope you're happy and safe. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Miss you on set... and I miss our talks.  

As the months went by, Jensen came to accept that Y/N needed her space. Even though she wasn't responding, he hoped that his messages were providing some small comfort or at least letting her know that he still cared.  

Despite the silence, Jensen held on to the hope that one day, Y/N would find it in her heart to respond, or better yet, come back to the world they both loved.  

Jensen's heart sank as he scrolled through his Instagram feed and saw the latest post from Y/N. She was in Italy, wrapped in the embrace of an unknown man, their smiles radiant against the backdrop of a romantic setting.  

A pang of jealousy shot through him, followed by a wave of conflicting emotions. He knew he had no right to feel this way. Y/N had made it clear that she needed space, and he had respected that. But seeing her with someone else stirred up a mix of emotions he couldn’t quite shake.  

He hesitated for a moment, his thumb hovering over the screen. Should he reach out? Congratulate her? Or would that only make things worse? But a few days later he was home alone and had a little too much beer.  

Y/N glanced at her phone, surprised to see a message from Jensen. It had been days since she posted the picture from Italy, and she hadn't expected to hear from him anymore. His message, however, caught her off guard.  

J: Who's the guy? How long have you two been together?  

She furrowed her brows, unsure of how to respond. Was he genuinely curious, or was there something more behind his questions? Before she could reply, another message popped up. 

J: Sorry, ignore that. I shouldn't have asked. It's none of my business.  

Y/N sighed, feeling a mix of frustration and concern. Before she could reply, another message came through.  

J: I'm drunk. Sorry for prying. Hope you're happy, Y/N.  

Y/N's heart sank as she read the message. She could sense the underlying pain and regret in his words, and it tugged at her heartstrings.  

Y/N: It's okay, Jensen. We're just friends. And I am happy. Take care of yourself, okay?  

Jensen's heart skipped a beat as he saw Y/N's reply. It had been almost a year since she last responded to one of his messages, and he felt a surge of relief wash over him as he read her words.  

A weight lifted off his shoulders as he read her reassurance. Knowing that she was happy, and that there was nothing more between her and the man in the photo, eased his mind in ways he couldn't describe.  

J: Thanks, Y/N. I'm glad to hear that...  

Jensen hesitated for a moment before adding one more line to his message, his heart pounding in his chest. 

J: ... I miss you Y/N.  

With a deep breath, he hit send, his mind racing with a mix of emotions. He knew he was taking a risk by admitting his feelings so openly. Not waiting for her response, he added.  

J: I miss the sound of your voice, the way our conversations flowed effortlessly into the night. I miss the laughter that filled the air whenever we were together, the way your smile could light up even the darkest of days.  

His fingers flew across the keyboard, each message a testament to the depth of his longing. 

J: I miss the warmth of your skin, the way your touch sent shivers down my spine. I miss the way you smelled, like sunshine and summer rain, a scent that lingered in my mind long after you were gone.  

He hesitated for a moment before typing out his final message, his heart pounding in his chest as he dared to be bold.  

J: And if I'm being completely honest, I miss the way you made me feel, the way you ignited a fire in me when you flirt, that feeling I never knew i missed. I miss the way you whispered my name, the way your lips felt against mine, the way you left me breathless and wanting more.  

Fuck Y/N,  I wish you where here...

With a shaky breath, he hit send, his stomach in knots as he waited for her response. He knew he was taking a risk.  

J: I've been dreaming about us. About that night. I can't shake the feeling of your touch, the way your body felt against mine. I dream about making love to you, feeling you respond to me, the way I imagine you would moan and gasp with pleasure.  

With a shaky breath, Jensen typed out his next message, his fingers trembling slightly with anticipation.  

J: Do you ever think about it? About us? About... being together in that way? About the way your body feels would feel beneath mine, the way your breath hitches when I touch you just right. Dream about the taste of my lips, on yours, the feel of your skin against mine, the way you arch your back and beg for more...

Because I do, I want to feel you squirm beneath me, to hear you moan my name as I take you to places you've never been before. I dream about trailing kisses down your neck, across your chest, until you're trembling with need. I want to taste every inch of you, to make you scream my name until you're begging for release.  

Y/N: Jensen please don't. You made your choice.  

His heart sank but then he read her next massage.  

Y/N: But I can't deny that I miss you too... 

----

Let me know what you think, like, share or comment <3

If you liked this, please check out my masterlist for other stories.

Taglist: -> If you want to be added let me know what you like to read!

@muhahaha303 @cevansbaby-dove @angelbabyyy99 @suckitands33 @mostlymarvelgirl @globetrotter28 @jackles010378 @hobby27 @call-me-mrs-winchester @yvonneeeee

[felincsircn-moved]

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[let-them-read-fics]

Empress of the Heart (Pt. 2)

Synopsis / Request: “Reader is an actress, and she meets Jennie at an event. They have a one night stand afterward, and months later they meet again.”

Pairing: Jennie x Fem!Actress!Reader

Warnings / Misc: Smut (only in Pt. 1), Angst, Fluff

Here’s the second half of the request for you lovely peeps! Enjoy :)

Part 1

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

◇◇◇◇◇

"Y/N, more people are arriving and management wants us to greet them. Something about photo ops." Jackson, your fellow lead, says as he pokes his head into your dressing room. His entrance intruded on your thoughts of the beautiful brunette that effectively stole your heart away within a night, leaving you completely at her mercy despite being worlds away.  

"Alright, just give me a second." He nods and goes to stand outside your door -- you're expected to be seen together for a good portion of the night. Thankfully, though, Jackson is a good guy; he cares a lot about you, always doing everything in his power to keep you happy. The feeling is mutual; it's nice to have someone in your corner in an industry as unforgiving as this one. 

"Ready?" You ask, opening the door after you've checked yourself in the mirror and smoothed down any unruly hairs or clothing. Looking presentable is a must tonight -- you can't appear as wistful as you've been feeling lately. 

"Sure am." His answer is a bit unnecessary, seeing as how you asked a rhetorical question, but you send him a smile nonetheless. He offers you an arm, and soon the two of you are walking back towards the entrance of the building. 

--------

Waves of flashing cameras greet you for the second time tonight, now capturing you in your full glammed-out look. The first time had been a few hours ago when your team arrived to begin setting up and get all of you ready. 

The entire cast now stands stretched out in front of the large screen that will air the movie later, your arms around each other as you smile for the cameras. Promotional pictures shine behind you on the screen, serving as a perfect backdrop as they cycle through their predetermined slideshow.

Eventually, you all disperse to greet some guests. 

"Thank you for coming, Mr. Choi. It's wonderful seeing you again." 

"I hope you enjoy our performances, Mrs. Lee. Your support has meant the world to us." 

"Ah, Jeong! How've you been?" 

Countless faces pass by as you work hard to greet everyone, knowing full well your company will be upset if you slack off now. It's everyone's big night, so they obviously can't have their leading lady stopping for even a minute. 

You're almost ready to run to the restroom in order to have a moment to yourself, free of prying eyes and judgemental stares; but what you hear next sends a chill down your spine, an all too familiar ache in your chest. 

It's Jennie. She's laughing that wonderful laugh of hers, taking you back in time to when you first heard it. Her members must've said something really hilarious, because all of them are doubled over, clutching their stomachs with laughter. 

"Hey again," Jackson greets, and for a second you almost want to tell him to leave you alone. You don't, though, knowing you have no right to pull something like that. 

"YG's girl group just got here. Do you want to say hello?" Of course you do. You want to run into Jennie's arms and spin her around, reveling in the way her arms would surely wrap around you in that warm embrace that's so uniquely hers. You want to tell her a stupid joke to make her laugh again, like she had just a few moments ago. You want to talk to her. 

But you don't.

"No, not right now. I'm going to visit with my family, if that's alright with you." 

"Sure, sure." He says considerately, unwrapping his arm from you. You press a friendly kiss to his cheek as a thank you, letting it serve as a goodbye as well. 

"Eomma!" You shout, squeezing through the crowd when you spot her at one of the banquet tables lining the front of the room. The rest of the space is filled with rows of chairs, already set out for when the movie premieres. 

"Ah, baby girl. We're so proud of you." She says, holding you in a tight embrace as tears spill from her eyes. Her arms bring you comfort like no other, and you're beyond grateful to have her here tonight. Some of your friends stand behind her, too, waiting for their turn to say hello. 

Jennie watches you interact with them from across the room, and she feels a pang of sadness run through her. She's not naive to how these things work: your other cast mates had come over to greet her and girls, snapping pictures and even starting meaningful conversations in some cases -- all of that meaning you had been given the opportunity to do the same, but turned it down. Do you not want to see her? Maybe she had misjudged your night together. You are an actress, after all. 

She shakes her head, physically willing the thoughts to go away as she turns her focus to whatever new person was talking to them now. She continues stealing glances in your direction, finding you looking somewhere else every time. She'd give just about anything to have you look at her, if only for a moment. Just a glance, she thinks to herself, praying the universe hears her pleas. They seem to fall on deaf ears, though, because before she knows it the MC is calling all of you onto stage and the guests are directed to their seats. 

"Let's welcome the cast of Empress of the Heart!" The MC says cheerily, tucking his notecard underneath his arm in order to clap along with the audience. "They've spent months working hard for this project, travelling to filming locations in different countries, learning new languages, and facing their fears. We hope all of you thoroughly enjoy their performances. Now, I'll hand it over to our leads." 

You and Jackson bow towards the audience, waving at them politely as they applaud you again. He looks at you, a silent question of if you want to speak first, and you nod. Taking the mic from him, you say, "Firstly, I'd like to thank our incredible cast and crew. They played just as important a role in this movie as Jackson and I, and we're endlessly grateful for their hard work." More cheers ring out at your kind hearted show of appreciation, and you speak up again once they've died down. 

"These past few months have been some of the best of my life, and I owe that to people like you, and my fans. Thank you for taking a chance on me and supporting me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you." You say sincerely, looking into the camera that's recording all of this for exclusive content. When the movie drops for the public in a couple weeks, they'll be able to buy this tape as well and see highlights from the premiere. The thought of your fans watching it from the comfort of their own homes, yelling praises at their screens, makes you smile. 

Jackson takes over now, smoothly transitioning into his own mini speech of thanks. You stop your eyes from meeting the one pair that they so desperately want to, always keeping them trained on other parts of the crowd. If you allow your resolve to crumble, you'll get lost in her all over again and potentially screw up one of the biggest nights of your life. You can't take a risk like that. 

You laugh at something Jackson says, some joke about how you had to face your fear of heights for a scene in the movie, and Jennie takes a deep breath. She's not exactly jealous, but yet that's precisely the feeling that creeps its way into her chest. She knows that you're avoiding her for some reason, but she has no idea why. Did she do something wrong? 

--------

Why, why, did they have to sit Blackpink in the row right behind you? It's karmic, the universe's way of pushing you back to each other, but you don't know how to feel about it all. You can feel her eyes boring into you as each new scene plays, silently begging for you to turn around and talk to her, even if it's impolite to do so in the middle of a movie.

You don't, though, fighting every fiber of your being to keep yourself from giving in. 

Despite the emotions that swirl within her that pay little mind to the number they're doing on her heart, she actually finds herself enjoying parts of the movie. It's bittersweet, seeing you up there, but you command the screen in a way that seems to steal all coherent thoughts from her brain. You're truly skilled, and she gets a kick out of watching you hide behind your hands in embarrassment when your co-stars offer whispered praises.

During one scene in particular, though, Jennie's eyes drop to the floor, her teeth clenched together tightly. Your character just saved Jackson's from certain doom, and the two of you are sharing a long-overdue kiss. The rest of the crowd lets out approving noises at this, but Jennie is comforted by her members' soft smiles and reassuring touches. You feel guilty, for some reason, knowing that anything you were a part of made Jennie so upset. It shouldn't matter, though -- I mean, it's not like you and Jackson are actually together -- but still, it hurts Jennie to see him kiss you and hold you in the ways she wants to. 

The rest of the night carries on much the same, but later on, once you get enough courage to look for Jennie, she's gone. The other girls are too, and a sinking feeling settles in your chest. Gone -- again -- just like all that time ago. Your reasons for staying away from her were legitimate, but they felt nothing of the sort as you glanced around the crowd again. 

The movie ended earlier, already getting good marks and reviews from the critics who came to view it, and now the "afterparty" of sorts was kicking in. You hadn't expected the girls to stay long after the movie, but you'd at least hoped to utter a word to them, if nothing else. A smile would've sufficed. 

Realizing she's really gone, you let out a sad sigh and make your way down the hall, towards the large doors that lead to the balcony. If anything can clear your mind right now, surely it's a chilly breeze. 

You lay an arm against the sturdy railing, leaning on it as you massage your neck. All of the stress you've been put under is showing in the form of painful knots, far too many to get rid of in one go. You sigh, letting your head lull forward and lay against your arm.

"And here I was thinking I wouldn't see you again."

At the utterance, you turn around to find her leaned up against the stone wall of the building with a playful smirk on her lips. She's back to her old self in an instant, but you can sense the undertones of nervousness in her voice. 

The darkness of the night that envelops you two makes her eyes look even more feline -- even more alluring -- and it takes everything in you not to lose your train of thought. 

"Jennie." Her name comes out as a pleased declaration more than anything else, a familiar flutter taking over your heart at the sight of her. It's a warm feeling in your chest, and you never want it to go away. 

You try not to focus on the sensual swaying of her hips or the teasing look in her eye as she pushes herself away from the wall to approach you. 

"I thought you left." You breathe out, remembering how sad you were earlier. 

"Without getting you alone first? How could I?" The implication behind her words gives you pause, causing a blush to begin forming on your cheeks. You curse yourself for being so easy.

"I've missed you like crazy," she confesses, allowing herself to be vulnerable again. Now in front of you, she brushes the back of her fingertips against your cheek as you look into her eyes. 

"I've missed you, too -- more, probably," you say, the declaration sounding like an embarrassed sigh as it leaves your lips. She smiles at that -- her genuine, gummy smile that you've missed so much -- and your heart flutters again. 

She debates on asking the question that sits on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be answered. "Why didn't you greet me before, at the party?" Her voice is small now, insecure, as she avoids your gaze and stills her movements. 

"I-..." you start, finding yourself at a loss for words. Should you tell her how you feel?

"I was afraid you'd throw me off my game. You're pretty distracting, you know?" You reply, nudging her shoulder playfully. A hint of a smile tugs at her cheeks, unsure if it should finish the job and turn into a big one. 

"I thought I did something wrong." She informs.

"Not at all. In fact, you did things a little too right, if you ask me. I can't stay away from you, Jennie." Her heart trips and stumbles over itself in its pursuit of gaining a steady rhythm again, thrown off course by your words. 

Growing brave, she suggests, "Go on a date with me, then. I wanna have more nights like that with you." She whispers that last part, ghosting her fingertips over your skin to awaken the memories. 

"I'd like that," you smile, leaning in to kiss her lips. It's soft and gentle, much like your first one, and your heart hammers in your chest. It seems to forget that you've done this before, choosing instead to subject you to the giddiness you felt that first time with her. 

She pulls back to rest her forehead against yours, settling her arms around your waist, saying, "I've wanted to do that all night." You smile for the millionth time because of her, happy with how things have turned out.

"Do it again, then." 

And she does. 

[lucysometimeswrites]

Awards Season

sup! this is an idea i had that i just had to write. it’s more of the reader’s experience and her thought and her moment than tom, but i still hope you like it. feedback accepted and have a good day :)

Y/N is playing ciara bravo’s role in this, and yeah, enjoy! also lmk if u want a latina version of this or tom winning the award cuz i have it

--------------------------------------------------------------

“And here to present the award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role we have previous winner of the very same award: Anne Hathaway!” the host announced. Anne appeared from the left side of the stage, expertly walking and smiling towards the microphone while everyone clapped and cheered for her.

“Thank you! Thank you, you are too kind” she said cheekily, earning a laugh from the audience. “Tonight, we are honoured with the presence of many talented and passionate actresses, and by that I mean me, of course,” she continued, the audience loving her humour more and more. Anne started her small speech about the characters the actresses nominated in the category portrayed, commenting that I portrayed a troubled character who becomes a drug addict for love. I felt a warmth touch my hand, and I turned to Tom, who was sitting right beside me. He gave me a reassuring smile and squeezed my hand, knowing that I felt a little anxious about this award. It was my first Oscar nomination, and after working my ass off for Cherry where I co-starred with Tom, even I thought I deserved it. I didn’t care much about winning, though, because I felt I won the moment I got nominated. Yes, it is very cliche and almost everyone says that, but now I can see how true it is. This is probably the biggest moment of my career yet, and I was loving every second of it.

Tom and I stared at each other with a smile for a bit longer, until we heard Anne say, “Here are the nominees for Best Actress in a Supporting Role”:

“Emma Stone, Him and Her,” Ooo I loved that film.

“Anya-Taylor Joy - Emma,” Her range is insane.

“Y/N Y/L - Cherry,” I gave a big smile and a wave to the camera as it focused on me, simultaneously squeezing Tom’s hand again because he knew how the cameras made me a little awkward and uncomfortable. “You did great.”  he whispered in my ear, and I gave him a small smile back.

“Jennifer Lawrence - Don’t Look Up,” My literal idol.

“Taraji P. Henson - At 38th Street,” She’s so talented.

“And the Oscar goes to...”

Those five seconds she took to open the envelope were the shortest and longest of my life. I felt as if the world had stopped, along with my breathing, and Tom and I were squeezing each other’s hands to the point where I was sure we’d cut each others circulation off. I loved how excited and nervous he was for me, and he’d made sure to tell me plenty of times before the show that he’d be there for me whether I won or not and that we would celebrate until we couldn’t feel our feet anymore. He had been my literal rock through--

“Y/N Y/L, Cherry!” Anne exclaimed.

...What?!

I looked up astonished to Anne, and even mouthed Me? to her. She happily nodded, and that’s when it clicked that the entire theatre was clapping for me. Shock and confusion and amazement ran through me, making me lose sense as to what to do next. I slowly rose from my seat, looking around and my eyes landed on Tom, who sported the biggest smile ever and helped pull me up. We stood in front of each other for a millisecond before he engulfed me in a big, strong hug and I, still in shock, slowly put my arms around his neck and reciprocated the affection.

“You did it, darling! You did it!” he proudly said in my ear.

“I did it...I can’t believe I did it. I’m so freaking shocked and confused I don’t know what to do” I answered and pulled back to look at him. He cupped my face in his hands and pressed a big kiss on my forehead. “Go get your award!” he laughed, giving me small push as a start.

I laughed, still in disbelief, and looked around again, spotting the Russo’s who went to give me a big hug.

“You did it Y/N! You deserve this so much” they each said, and I whispered a Thank you back.

I finally turned back and slowly made my way up the stage, constantly looking towards the audience so that I could really take the moment in and never forget it. Turning to Anne, she held the Oscar in her hands and gave my a big smile, hugging me and saying, “Ugh you did amazing Y/N, you deserve this so much honey, congratulations!”

“Thank you so much, oh my gosh, you’ve literally been one of my idols ever since I was a kid.” I told her breathless.

“Aw you’re so sweet,” she laughed, “Go! You have about a minute to thank everyone.”

I went to the microphone and looked across the audience, spotting many celebrities who were still standing up and clapping for me, even when we hadn’t worked together. My eyes dashed to Tom, who was also wooing and cheering for me, and gave me a thumbs up, silently saying You got this, as had said to me many times before.

“Oh my God, I can’t believe it” I laughed in disbelief again, everyone still clapping for me. Soon, they settled and I continued “I can’t even-- let me catch my breath for second.” I stepped back a little and put my hands on my knees as if I’d just finished running a marathon, making the audience laugh a little.

I went back up, “You guys have absolutely no idea how much this means to me,” holding the Oscar a little higher, “I dreamt of this ever since I started to really get into acting and to actually have it in my hands is a dream come true. I wanna thank the Academy for this incredible honor. I honestly felt I won the moment I got nominated alongside these amazing and talented women,” I gestured to my fellow nominees who I could spot in the front rows. “When I say that you all deserve this award just as much as I do, I’m not kidding. Jennifer you have been such an icon to me ever since The Hunger Games and ohmygoshicantbelievethisisreal,” I quickly said with my hand near my mouth, earning a laugh from her and the audience, me joining them. “Emma and Anya your performances were ridiculously good and Taraji P. Henson I absolutely adore you.” They laughed once again, sending me kisses and smiles.

“A minute is not nearly enough to be able to thank everyone I wanna thank but I’ll do my best. Thank you to my amazing and incomparable directors Joe and Anthony Russo,” a wave of cheering ensued for them, “Thank you for trusting me with bringing this story to life, for guiding me along the way and never giving up on me even on the days when I was unbearable” I said with a small laugh. “Thank you to the screenwriters Angela and Jessica for writing this beautiful piece of work and to Nico Walker for telling his story and allowing us to bring it to the cinemas--cinemas? Wow, sorry I’ve been spending a lot of time with Tom so I’m starting to turn a little British” I chuckled and turned to look at him to find him laughing as well.

“Tom,” here it goes, “I have no words to express how grateful I am for you. You have been my rock and my best friend throughout this entire journey and for that I love you so much. Thanks for putting up with me and my craziness and sharing the good and bad days with me. There is no one I would rather have shared the screen with and I love you so so so much.” I said, from the bottom of my heart, and saw him tearing up while sending me a million kisses with his hands and mouthing I love you more. The audience awed and clapped once more.

“I also wanna thank Victoria- you beautiful woman- for taking me in and always believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself- aw you’re crying! Oop, sorry I’ll shut up, um-” I said as she waved her hand for me not to expose that she was crying, the theatre laughing at our banter, “Thank you Lizzie, Monica and all of my team, thank you to all of the cast and crew who made this happen.” I continued, moving to thank my family and more emotions hitting me like a truck again, feeling tears pool in my eyes. I shook my head and looked up so as to prevent them from falling.

“I- I’m not gonna cry, that’s stupid.” I said into the microphone but mostly to myself, everyone laughing and clapping once again in a comforting manner. “Sorry,” I laughed, “I’m gonna thank my family, but they unfortunately couldn’t make it here tonight so--” everyone awed in sadness, and I jokingly waved them off, “Oh shut up, whatever.” Another chorus of laughter, “I wanna thank my family all the way back home. You guys, you’re the best thing this life has given me and I’m eternally grateful for your support. Although, I did say that if I ever won an Oscar I wouldn’t thank you because you didn’t believe I could do this, l would not be able to forgive myself if I didn’t. Thank you for always being there for me and teaching me everything I know. For the unconditional love” my lip trembled, “and for showing me that you can do anything with hard work and passion. I love you--Please wrap up--sorry! Okay I’m going.” I nervously said. “I also wanna thank all of my friends for their support and finally I dedicate this award to all the girls out there with big dreams that scare you. Follow them, don’t let anyone stop you or tell you you’re not worthy because you sure as hell are destined for great things. Um, thank you so much!” I finished. The audience clapped and cheered and wooed once more and I gave them one final smile and amazed look, catching Tom’s eye and receiving a wink, then following Anne backstage where I would be taking pictures and answering questions.

I wonder how we’ll celebrate now that I’ve actually won...

-------------------------------------

disclaimer: these are all fake names and fake movie titles i made up for the purpose of the fic

[littlewalken]

TZN Exclusive Interview: Andy Robinson

On Garak, "Star Trek", "Dirty Harry" & Sci-Fi Idealism

TrekZone Network sat down with Andrew Robinson, who played the Cardassian Garak in "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine", in Hamburg prior to the "Evening with Andrew Robinson", organized by FKM Events. We talked about Garak's past and future, Robinson's current projects and the idealism of science fiction fans.

TrekZone Network: Is this the first time you are in Hamburg?

Andrew Robinson: No, I was here 12 years ago for a convention with another organizer. So this is my first time back in 12 years, I believe.

Andy Robinson at the FKM Evening in Hamburg

TZN: Long time.

Robinson: It has been a long time. And as they say, a lot of water under the bridge...

TZN: You have been to Germany in the meantime?

Robinson: Yeah, I've been here several times. For one reason or another and in several different places. I have come here for a whole bunch of reasons. Even just as a tourist. But I have never made a film here or anything.

TZN: Your first stint as Garak was in the third episode of "Deep Space Nine". When you first got that role, did you anticipate or did you know that it was going to be a recurring role?

Robinson: No, not at all. Originally, the role of Odo, that Rene Auberjonois played, came down to three of us. Myself, another actor and obviously Rene. Then Rene got the role. Then they asked me to come in a few weeks later to read for this other role, which I thought was just going to be one episode. But it turned out that they were looking for a way to get the character of Doctor Bashir more involved with the show and so they, they were testing a storyline for Doctor Bashir and obviously the storyline was: he meets this older Cardassian, presumably tailor. Is he a spy? Who is he? This very mysterious person, the last Cardassian left on the station.

They wanted to see if there was any chemistry between Siddig and myself as actors. And of course we hit it off immediately. We had a great time with each other. And so it was based on that when they saw that episode, I think it was "Past Prologue", and they saw that we were working well together then they decided to add more episodes of Garak. Which I am eternally grateful for.

TZN: Do you regret that you were not cast as Odo?

Robinson: No, no, no, no. Not at all. As an actor, and an actor of a certain age, after a while you become very philosophical about these things. And genuinely so. Whoever gets the role, that was their role, you cannot feel remorse or try to second-guess or be bitter. And it always is the right actor as far as I am concerned and certainly with Rene it was the right actor. He was wonderful as Odo.

TZN: The part as Garak turned out to be rather substantial as well, of course.

Robinson: O, Garak was one of the best characters, I mean this, he was one of the most enjoyable, fully satisfying characters I have ever played in my life. And the fact that it is the only time in my life, too, as an actor, that I was able to develop a character over a seven-year period, and not be overused. By that I mean often if you are a regular on a series, they run out of things for a character to say and to do, and so the character just ends up repeating himself/herself, and the actions and the plotlines and after a while it becomes what they call the law of diminishing returns. The character becomes reduced. With Garak, because I was not a regular character, I appeared occasionally, I think I was in 39 episodes, and when I appeared, it was for a reason. Almost always it was for a reason, There are a few episodes when I wondered what I was doing there... But that always happens and at least they paid me, so that was fine.

TZN: Is there anything you would have liked to do as Garak on screen? Or any aspect of his character, his personality, that you would have liked to develop?

Robinson as Cardassian Elim Garak

Robinson: They did start this love story. But then they could not find the right actress. And so they had this one actress playing Ziyal and they did not like her, so they had another actress playing Ziyal who looked like my granddaughter, so that made me feel a little perverse. Then they just decided to forget about it. But it would have been wonderful to have had a bittersweet love story, someone who breaks Garak's heart, who tries to unlock the mystery romantically and cannot do it.

It is one of the reasons I wrote the book, to explore that part of Garak, Garak's heart. Because as an actor, you fall in love, well you do not always fall in love with your characters but the ones that you do fall in love with, it is a very deep relationship that you have with the character, and the character does take on a life on its own. Because as an actor, that is what you try to do. You try to transform yourself into this character's life. Obviously, I am not Garak, I am not Hamlet, but you find those places within yourself that can make that transformation.

I was not a "Star Trek" fan when they hired me. I had no idea what the "Star Trek" universe was, who Cardassians were, who Klingons, Romulans, I had no idea about any of that.

TZN: You had never seen anything, never heard about it?

Robinson: I had heard about it but never saw a thing. And a Cardassian? I had no idea what that was.

TZN: Then the makeup was applied...

Robinson: Yeah, right. But they did show me the episode, in "Next Generation", I think David Warner was the first Cardassian or was Marc Alaimo the first?

TZN: Marc Alaimo.

Robinson: Yeah, but it was that two-parter where David Warner's Cardassian character is torturing Picard and I thought, well, that is a really interesting-looking guy. That was the first episodes that peaked my interest. I thought, they deal with substantial things. And the acting was wonderful. Of course, David Warner has always been one of my favorite actors.

So I started writing a diary. As if Garak had a diary and I would write things, and I would make up things about him. And it is what you do, it is what an actor does sometimes for any character. You try to create a story, a life for this character. And when the series was over, I realized there were still things I would have loved to say about Garak and that is why I wrote the book "A Stitch in Time".

TZN: Did you start with the diary when you recognized that Garak would not be a one- or two-episode thing but a recurring role?

Robinson: Yeah, exactly, I think I started in the second year. I also started it when I started being invited to conventions and I realized, after two or three conventions, there were four or five questions people who would always ask me. How long does it take, your makeup... But I thought, would it not be interesting if I if at the conventions did something different. And so what I would do is that I would get up and I would read excerpts from these diaries. It became enormously popular, and that in a sense spawned a lot of things, then as actors we all started saying, well, maybe there is something that we can do rather than just get up and talk about our makeup and so forth. And that unleashed a whole bunch of stuff. Even Siddig and I wrote a play together that we did at several conventions and it was really a rather challenging play, dealing with string theory...

TZN: What was it about? I read just before this interview that you had this play...

Andy Robinson in Hamburg in June 2008 (Photo credit: Klaus Wittmack)

Robinson: Well, basically Garak and Bashir meet up in this place and it is like, nobody knows, but it looks like a convention with "Star Trek" fans there. And so they had to conduct this very tricky business in front of these people sitting at tables and sitting in chairs watching them. It was very, very, very postmodern. (laughs)

And there was a time when we were working on the play in front of an audience, too. Towards the end, when we finally got it written and got it right, that was when it was at its best but while we were experimenting with it, I think a lot of people fell asleep. (laughs)

Getting back to those diaries, [Michael Scott] co-wrote a book with Armin Shimerman ["The Merchant Prince"] and he said to me, "You should turn this into a book!" and that was when I did. And it was actually the first "Star Trek" book that was written without what they call a ghostwriter.

TZN: Are you thinking of writing another novel about Garak?

Robinson: No. I actually have said everything I could possibly say about Garak. I really have. Plus, if I did, I would then because of the corporate nature of Pocket Books, the Simon and Schuster division that does the "Star Trek" books, I would then have to follow all these other books that have been written about Garak and that does not interest me at all. Because the story I came up with was actually, oddly enough close my story, especially when Garak was a young man.

TZN: You did write another short story though, right? Set after the book.

Robinson: Right.

TZN: That was the last thing we have heard from Garak. In that story, he is not in a very positive state of mind and not in a good place.

Robinson: No.

TZN: So if we could jump forward in time, to a time and place after that, where would we find Garak?

Robinson: Dead. Honestly, because when I wrote that novella, first I was interested in putting - because I live part of the year in Paris -

I was interested in having Garak in Paris and see what that was like. Paris is like a museum now, and I thought that they would have really preserved it in 400 years and it would have become the museum of the world. But when I got Garak to Paris, it became very depressing. That is why I think he was not in a great state. I realized that if I had have written much more about Garak, he probably would have had to die. I do not want to go into why because it is all political and you are not here about politics. (laughs)

TZN: When did the producers tell you about who Garak's parents were?

Robinson: The big reveal was of course with Enabran Tain, who was the head of the Obsidian Order. I know that the mother appeared at one point when they were on Cardassia in that last series of episodes that I was in and that they ended up at Garak's mother's house, hiding. But the story of Garak and his parents really is what I myself put together, in terms of the relationships.

TZN: Did you have a hunch though that the storyline could develop into the direction of Enabran Tain being revealed as Garak's father?

Robinson: O, no! It was a big surprise to me. It was great!

TZN: Just like for the viewers.

Robinson: O, yeah, absolutely! But that is how I felt every time I would get a new script from the writers because the writers loved writing for Garak, that was the pleasure. It was evident that they liked writing for Garak because of the language, the dialogue that they would give him which was so delicious and so much fun and very ironic. One of the things you certainly know is that in America irony is not at the top of our list. As a people we do not really appreciate ironic humor. I think that one of the things that made Garak popular is the fact that he did have a sense of irony. That to everything he said there was a twist and there was always a subtext. And indeed probably he was lying but enjoying it and enjoying the fact that he was lying and seeing how far he could get away with it and who was gullible and who was smart.

Andy Robinson in Hamburg in June 2008 (Photo credit: Klaus Wittmack)

TZN: There was this one episode with the implant, "The Wire". That embodies everything you just said.

Robinson: Yeah, and that is by far my favorite episode.

TZN: We asked our readers to hand in some questions for you beforehand. One of them is: how long did it take to apply the makeup?

Robinson: At the beginning, it took about four hours, I would say. And then they got it down to about two hours. Towards the end they got more dexterous, thank God, because sitting in the chair for four hours meant that I would have to come in long before dawn and it was just excruciating, it was horrible. Even two hours was bad enough. It is the only thing about Garak that I do not miss at all.

TZN: Did the makeup inhibit you in the way you could express yourself?

Robinson: Well, that is the great, mysterious thing about working with a mask like that. For one thing the technology is very good, there were I think seven prosthetic pieces and they were all very flexible, very pliable and so you put it on and you think, my God, it is like this corpus, you're encased in it. But then you were fine, you could move. You were not, you were not limited the way Rene was limited with Odo because he could not eat, he lost a lot of weight. That is something I should have done!

But he had to take his lunch through a straw and so he could not move much at all because it was a mess. If he marled just a little bit, then he would have to sit in a chair and have to go through a whole process to get it back to that smoothness. That obviously was not my problem. My problem was the claustrophobia that I have, which I experienced actually last night. I went to a bar in Paris with some friends to watch the French lose to the Dutch. (laughter) Really lose. And deservedly so, I mean it. The French should get rid of that coach of theirs because he is awful.

I was at the bar and everybody was crowding in around me, I had to leave at the interval, go home and watch it on my own television. That was the thing about the Garak makeup. That was one thing but then this heavy wig that they put on top of me and then, because they wanted Cardassians to look big, they made the costumes out of the material that you make furniture pads, furniture textiles, and so all the costumes were very heavy and once you zipped them up it was like you were in a sauna, literally.

Actually that is where I lost a little weight, a lot of water weight anyway. When you get under the lights, underneath the makeup and the wig and the costume, there were rivers of sweat, I was soaked underneath. Not very glamorous (laughter) and I certainly did not smell like a flower.

TZN: I have got another reader question here, that touches a different subject. Did you know that there is speculation about Garak's sexuality?

Robinson: Oh, yeah. I started it.

TZN: Really? Then this might be interesting to this reader. He calls himself your gay fan Dominion and he asks a lot of questions like: Why haven't we seen a gay character in "Star Trek"? Have gays become extinct in the 24th century? Do you think there will ever be a gay character in "Star Trek"? Do gays not belong in "Star Trek's" future?

Robinson: O, yeah. There will be gay characters. Certainly now there will be, for one thing, America is still very puritan, we are very squeamish when it comes to sexuality. I remember when I very first played Garak, I played him gay! I thought this would be great! He sees this young man, this young, very attractive doctor on the station, he is lonely, he is the only Cardassian there, this doctor is curious about him, and if you remember, this was a great moment because Sid totally went with it! When he comes up and he puts his hand on his shoulder, Sid did this great thing, it was this sort of an electrical charge that went through him and so I played him totally gay in that episode.

Garak's First Scene

Of course the producers did not actually tell me not to play him gay but then they started writing him a little more macho and more like a Cardassian. But I said, "Listen, one of the great things about Garak is that he is not Gul Dukat, he is not one of those macho, militaristic guys, he is your finesse Cardassian." So we struck a compromise but I was always very clear. I did not get into it in the book. Quite frankly, I was going to go in that direction. I had written a whole thing about Garak's sexuality because I felt that Garak was sort of - talk about bisexual, I think that he was multisexual, essentially that anything that moves is fair game for Garak. He has a voracious sexual appetite.

But as I say, especially on American television you have the odd gay character now but it is all going to be just cosmetic. In terms of commercial television ever getting into real sexuality, that is not going to happen. "Star Trek" is very conservative, there is a conservatism about "Star Trek" that I think "Deep Space Nine" in a sense went against. It defied that conservatism. "Deep Space Nine" was not as black and white as the other "Star Trek" shows. It was different. It was not people in a rocket ship doing one-night stands on a planet to planet to planet, coming in and battling the evil aliens or some kind of monster or whatever. It was a community unto itself on the edge and this is what I loved about the show, every one of the characters on "Deep Space Nine" had a moral dimension about them. Each one of them was in touch with their dark side.

That episode "In the Pale Moonlight", when Garak introduces Captain Sisko to the concept of realpolitik, that okay, if you want to get rid of the Romulan threat, what you do is, you kill them. And you kill them in a not very nice way. So you just eliminate your enemy. Of course that is not fair play, that is not the American way. I was surprised, I loved that episode because it was very mature in that sense. It said you have to grow up, this is the world you live in now. And of course the world we live in now is very morally ambiguous to say the least.

I rambled, I am sorry. We went away from sexuality but I think there has to be more gay characters. I do not know what this movie is going to be like but this movie I believe is about Starfleet academy?

A gay Sulu? According to Robinson an interesting idea

TZN:It is a prequel. It is not entirely set on Starfleet academy but shows the young crew in their early years getting together.

Robinson: Right. For instance, I wonder, George Takei, who has come out, who is an openly gay man, and actually now I think he and his partner are going to get married since the California Supreme Court has now finally legalized gay marriage. But I wonder where they are going to go with his character in this prequel. It would be very interesting.

TZN: You did some work behind the camera as well. You directed I believe an episode of DS9. How was that for you, the experience to suddenly tell your colleagues what to do?

Robinson: Yes, right. It is funny, it was very different getting on the other side of the camera and not just working with the other actors, I mean they were fine. But it was the first episode I really had a lot of trouble with because it was my first episode ever directing something. And of course when you are directing "Star Trek" you have the added dimension, the added complication of the special effects. Although they have great special-effects people and you just get out of the way and let them do their work but still you are always trying to visualize what the picture looks like as a director.

But I must say that directing the "Star Trek" episodes really in a sense changed my life because it was the first time I started directing. From there I went on to a lot more directing, mainly theater because I have always been more of a theater person than a film person. And that really gave me the courage to continue in that direction as a director which I have and which has actually led to my current position. I am a fulltime teacher now. I run an acting program at the University of Southern California. And that all came out of directing.

TZN: You have been an actor, you have been a director, you have written a book, actually is there anything artistic you would still like to do? Singing maybe?

Robinson: No, I do not think so. Actually, it is true, it is interesting you should say that. I would actually love to do a musical. I really would love to do a musical, you are absolutely right. I would love to do one of these great musicals. But I still go back and forth. I am going to do a play this summer in San Francisco as an actor. I will continue to direct. I do not know how much longer I will run this program because I created this actor-training program and that was exciting.

I am going to be actually talking about that today. I work with young actors in terms of how does one train to be an actor, what is it that one does? I am being able to put some of my own ideas and thoughts about what actor training is into a coherent program that goes over three years, that trains professional actors. That has been very exciting. That is part of who I am but I think the territory of being an actor is that you do reinvent yourself from time to time. You have to reinvent yourself from time to time. Not to change, you really have to transform because that is the business.

TZN: In your career, you played many roles, and you guest starred in "Bonanza".

Robinson: No, you could not possibly remember! That is incredible. No, o my God, how could you... That is amazing. Yeah, that was the very last season of "Bonanza", too. And I think it was my first work in television.

TZN: How was it to play with such very famous actors like Lorne Greene?

Robinson: Well, see, it was very nice. They are household names but I had just come off from doing my first film with Clint Eastwood. So playing with Clint Eastwood was like playing with God. And then everyone else, they are wonderful actors, but still, my first film experience was the "Dirty Harry" film and that was extraordinary. I must say I enjoyed doing "Bonanza" because it was a show that had gone on forever. I helped kill it because that was the last season... Having the experience of doing "Dirty Harry" which was a feature film, that interested me a lot more than doing television.

Andy Robinson in "Dirty Harry"

TZN: You did very many TV series. The list of your guest appearances just goes on and on and on.

Robinson: Yeah, I did and most of the time I was the villain. That was courtesy of "Dirty Harry". After I did "Dirty Harry" nobody could see me as playing anything but the villain.

TZN: Is there any of these series that you would have liked to be on as one of the lead actors or main cast?

Robinson: In America, there is a series that just ended. I do not know if it is here, I do not know if it has come here. They did five years of it. HBO has these. I do not know if you know Home Box Office? It is a cable network in America. They had these series, "The Sopranos" was their flagship, their famous series. But they had another series called "The Wire". Have you ever heard of "The Wire"?

TZN: The title sounds familiar but that is all.

Robinson: It is interesting because you had me talking about that episode of "Deep Space Nine" that is called "The Wire", that was my favorite episode. Well, this series, "The Wire", is probably the best television series I have ever seen in my life. It was a brilliant series that took the city of Baltimore and it investigated the city of Baltimore in a dramatic series format on every level from drug dealers to police to schools to unions and it was an amazing series. I do not know how it got done because in America we are not big on socially-relevant thematic. We want our entertainment to be pure and uncluttered with things we have to think about. But this was a brilliant series and I, every time I watched the series, thought, o my God, I would love to be on that series! That was one of the few things I ever watched where I felt that way. I hope it comes here, I am sure it will come here. It has to. If it does, you must watch it because it is extraordinary.

TZN: I am afraid we have to wrap up already. One last question: Is there any question that you would really particularly badly like to answer but have never been asked?

Robinson: Wow. I have to say I think I have been asked every question that I can possibly imagine. Short of questions that I would prefer not to get into. No, I do not think that there is. I do not think that there is at all. I find that "Star Trek" fans for the most part, especially in Europe, are relatively sophisticated. I think that there is an idealism about following a series like "Star Trek", especially in this world.

Can we imagine ourselves projected into 24th or 25th century or wherever and still functioning. Obviously, it is weird. As you said earlier, here we are, four- five hundred years later and where have all the gay people gone? Where have all the people of color gone in a sense. That has always been something. What has indeed happened to poverty and what has happened to racism and fundamentalism and terrorism and all the things that bedevil us. I really do hope that science fiction continues to evolve and the way certain writers have challenged themselves to think about what happens to all of these social issues in the future and how we project solutions for them or perhaps not solutions but perhaps just accommodations, how do we learn to live with each other because in the end I think that that is what the "Star Trek" series perhaps offers its best insights about. Then I think that it is also great dramatic material which is the great question how do we learn how to live with each other without violence and without predatory behavior.

TZN: That ends this interview on a very thoughtful note, I think. Thank you very much.

Robinson: It was a pleasure, thank you, it has been great.

[gra-sonas]

Roswell, New Mexico star Jeanine Mason first graced our television screens in 2009 when she made her debut appearance on season five of So You Think You Can Dance. Mason credits this time as her “entry point” into the entertainment industry, as she had no prior access into what can seem like an impenetrable apparatus. In what Mason calls a “ridiculous outcome,” she went on to win her season, and from there, her momentum has only grown since.

From there, Mason started receiving attention from casting directors to further her acting career, but what she found most valuable from her time performing on So You Think You Can Dance was learning how to truly enjoy herself and have fun.

“I didn’t have a game plan or a strategy to win [So You Think You Can Dance], I felt like I jumped into a TV screen and was just delighted, and I was just trying to show up and make it the best show possible,” Mason said in an interview with GRAZIA. “In my observations of 10 years in the industry, a lot of people get buried alive and debilitated by the stress and the pressure of ‘am I making the right moves.'”

Mason says her approach works best when she comes from a place of joy and what feels right in the moment for her. She said that she wants her piece of the puzzle in acting to be “the best, the shiniest, the funkiest and most entertaining.” She feels this is particularly important when preparing for her Roswell, New Mexico role of Liz Ortecho, a biomedical researcher who is the daughter of undocumented parents. Working on Roswell, Mason finds it very different to be leading a series as opposed to her previous roles on shows like Grey’s Anatomy.

Now, four seasons in, Mason said she loves the challenge and what she calls the “gifts” of being able to play such a role.

“When you’re in a position where you are going to have those hard days or those good days, you have a possibility for highs and lows,” Mason said. “It’s an endless learning gig, even into season four, I’m still figuring stuff out. I’m figuring out how to be a great leader, how to be a great comfort for my crew and how to create a happy, productive and comfortable work environment where people can be creative.”

Mason said that she seeks to create a space where vulnerability can thrive, as many aspects of acting require vulnerability for successful role execution. In her portrayal of Liz Ortecho, Mason said that she had the unique challenge of having a character “in her bones,” meaning it’s the longest she’s ever sat with a character. Working with this character, Mason always wonders what’s in store for her next, as her character develops, how does she develop alongside her?

“I’m so grateful that the character I’m getting to lead a series with is a character that is as strong willed, intelligent and full hearted as Liz [Ortecho],” Mason said. “Liz is here to work, and she’s a lot tougher than I am in how she presents to the world, and I’ve had to tap into that to be a good leader on the show.”

Alongside her work on Roswell, Mason, alongside actress Sarah Silverman, has scored a key role in Blair Underwood’s upcoming psychological thriller Viral. The story follows a man named Andrew (played by Blair Underwood) whose life falls into disarray after the disappearance of his wife, played my Mason. Mason said that this independent film was a prime opportunity to do something different in her acting and an opportunity to meet new people whom she finds creatively stimulating.

“I’m tuning my acting chops, I’m gathering more information, and I’m taking all of that back to Roswell,” Mason said. “It’s good all over, I love doing hiatus jobs.”

Mason’s latest “hiatus” job, Christmas On the Square, also starring Dolly Parton, was recently nominated for an Emmy Award. Mason said that working with Parton was the “dreamiest” thing to ever happen in her acting career.

But her work as an actress and an entertainer isn’t the only aspect of her life that Mason finds important, the actress recognizes and understands the importance of having a platform to inform her audiences about topics that are important to her. Lately, Mason, a Cuban-American, has been very vocal about the current protests occurring in Cuba. She feels that speaking on things that are personal to her and making space for activists and educators is more effective than speaking as an “authority” on topics.

“This is a topic that is personal to me, my parents are products what happened [in Cuba], and I feel that in my bones and in my body and I can tell you that these people have been fighting for 60 years to get their freedom back, and that freedom is not a dirty word,” Mason said. “Even still, with this topic that is personal to me, I still consider my role in this to be sending you in the direction of people who have all the information and who are activists.”

It has always felt comfortable for Mason to advocate for Hispanics, as it is something personal to her, but now as Roswell, expands on its representation, Mason finds that advocacy expanding into other marginalized groups as well. Mason said that as one of the only shows that is truly led by Latin women, Roswell helped her to see how she could be there for others, especially Indigenous communities in and around New Mexico, where the show is shot.

“There’s such an incredible native population in New Mexico. We have this particular opportunity there to create a channel to be involved in our industry.” Mason said. “This is my way of saying ‘thank you’ to the community and ‘thank you’ to the state that has provided so much for us. We’re so fortunate to be able to work among all these different cultures that coalesce there, the Spanish presence, the Mexican presence the Indigenous presence is all so beautiful.

[leerongrong]

College Student!Haechan

part of the NCT DREAM living the Y/N life collection.

lemme introduce you to some new things donghyuck

full name: lee donghyuck

age: 19 [international]

height: 174cm

donghyuck is an adorable prankster who’s known far-and-wide throughout his life

the boy started out as a class clown, making jokes at teachers and other students in kindergarten

it got him into loads of trouble, and he didn’t really have friends because the other kids called him mean and scary when he tries to joke around with them

hyuck didn’t care tho

he loves the attention from both his peers and parents even if it meant getting scolded every night

he didn’t change when he went to elementary school, still going around pulling pranks on other people, so far as to pulling at a girl’s pigtails and being sent into detention

although his persona did change when high school rolled around

he’s no longer donghyuck, the adorkable class clown he’s now donghyuck, a rebel that hates schoolwork, teachers, and gets thrown into detention more often than he should

never does his homework, smack talks at teachers and destroys school property

people started to wonder why he hasn’t been thrown out of school yet

the only reason he’s still passing his grades is because of mark, a senior who talks and acts friendly around hyuck as if he’s just any normal student

at first hyuck thought the guy befriended him because he wanted something from him

maybe his lunch or his money

but hyuck’s blown away when mark tells him that he just wanted them to be friends

mark tells him about seeing him roam around the halls with no one to talk to,, his hands in his pockets and staying out on the outskirts and how he feels a pang in his heart

he knows the feeling of being alone with no one to talk to just because people won’t spend time trying to get to know the person underneath

he felt it himself after he moved to seoul, all the kids rejecting him from their friend circles because he looked and talked differently

and mark felt the need to befriend him

the two start hanging out alot after that

playing online games together, hanging out in arcades together, walking around school together

sometimes hyuck gives mark headaches because the boy doesn’t want to do any of his workload,, even once trying to pay mark to do his homework

and mark’s pleasantly surprised when he finds out that hyuck is nowhere near stupid

the boy could rank number one in his year if he actually put some work in

hyuck tells him it’s because school just isn’t his passion

“i want to be a singer someday. i won’t be stuck doing algebra and i’ll be going on tours and performing instead.”

hyuck’s 20 now and a changed man

he’s gotten himself into a prestigious college for the performing arts, one step closer to making his dream come true

and while he would never admit it, he’s grateful for mark. if it weren’t for him, he’s end up as a dead beat high school dropout

speaking of mark

mark went to a different college for arts, almost a town away from his

and today he’s going to come by from all the nagging hyucks’s been giving him about not meeting each other often

they’re going to meet at a cafe

and hyuck’s waiting for mark who’s 20 minutes late because of traffic

“hyung! if you didn’t want to see me you could have said so.”

“traffic’s a bitch.”

he’s starting to get bored sitting at the corner alone with nothing but his phone to keep him company, mark not even replying to his messages

until something gets his attention

its you

you’re a solo singer that started out as an actress

relatively young and have debuted for a few years now, known for your amazing vocals and catchy songs

and there you are

on the screen of a flat screen tv hanging just above him, singing and dancing in your newly released mv

hyuck’s staring at the screen and he’s listening very carefully to your song

even going onto his phone and searching for your music after the mv finishes and another show starts playing on the tv

he doesn’t even realize mark running in looking like a train wreck

out of breath and very disheveled with a very clear coffee stain on his shirt

and when he does, haechan shoves his phone into mark’s face, the latter squinting at the bright screen

“who’s this?”

“that’s y/n? she’s a solo singer, i told you about her remember?”

“nope.”

hyuck’s a little confused because?? if mark had told him about you there’s no way he would’ve forgotten

boy goes on a streaming spree right after coming home

can’t be reached by anyone for a whole 24/7, burrowing in his room with the air con on full and his phone blasting your mv one after the other

he’s hooked

goes on an impulsive buying spree for your light stick and multiple albums

pretty much spending his life’s money

droning on and on again and again to mark about you

he goes on non stop about how mark should’ve told him about you sooner, said boy rolling his eyes because, “you’re the one who forgot.”

he burst into tears when mark gave him a fan sign ticket as a reward for acing all his classes mark is THAT friend yall

hugging the life out of the older one and covering mark’s face with spit when he kisses him all over we all need a mark in our lives tbh

he still can not believe he’s going to meet you

d-day arrives

hyuck set up 5 alarms last night so he wouldn’t accidentally over sleep and miss meeting you

all his life, he’s never been a fan of working out but here he is, 8 hours before a fan sign doing pull ups and push ups because he wants to look good

he isn’t ashamed to admit that he shaved twice

nor is he ashamed that he’s using a face mask he literally just bought yesterday because they’re supposed to make him look shining, shimmering and splendid

he’s rushing out of his dorm to where the fan sign is held and he literally stops breathing when he sees you in person surrounded by security and scary looking managers

he’s reminding himself to breath because he doesn’t want to pass out in front of you while all his brain is thinking is, ‘how does she even look better in person?’

‘she looks like an angel.’

‘she’s breathtaking.’

hyuck’s convinced he’s in love

and he only watches you and stares at everything you do

he turns red when you turn to him and wave from afar

‘did that just really happen?’

‘did i just get noticed?’

‘am i in heaven?’

when its finally his turn, he turns into stone all of his planned speeches disappearing into thin air

donghyuck.exe.has stopped functioning

he gives you his gift and he knows you see him trembling and you laugh, holding his hand to stop his shaking

‘did i just hear wedding bells ringing?’

‘i’m never going to wash my hands’

he’s having his own internal crisis

you’re there staring at him for a bit, making sure you smile at him and engage in eye contact

while inside you’re a little blown away because you’ve seen your fair shares of handsome men, your own fans being the most handsome in your eyes but you’ve never seen anyone as handsome as donghyuck is and you’re wondering why he hasn’t been snatched by idol companies

both of you smile and talk to each other

and hyuck’s freaking out a little because this is his time is running out and this is the only chance to tell you the words he thought about for 3 days he even forced mark into his mini lyric writing session

“i wanted to thank you for always making me smile.”

and you’re smiling so much wider by now, the sweet words from your fans never failing to take your breath away

“are you kidding me? donghyuck you’re like the sun, so warm and you bright up my day. you’re my full sun.”

the boy practically melted then and there and had to be escorted out by your security team

the next time he meets mark all he can ramble on and on about is your fansign

“mark, she called me her sun..”

“mARK DON’T TOUCH ME I’M THE FREAKING SUN.”

“I’M CHANGING MY NAME TO LEE HAECHAN.”

[insfiringyou]

BTS - Playing House (Suga x Jeong-sun) & (J-Hope x Nana)

Contains: Fluff. Soft smut. Bickering. Double date. Mentions of V x Cassandra.

Set a week after ‘An Overnight Stay’ for Suga and Jeong-sun, and a few months after ‘Home Again’ for J-Hope and Nana. Jeong-sun invites Hoseok and Nana over for dinner, determined to prove herself in the kitchen. 

You can find out more about our headcanon universe and ongoing storyline here and more about our headcanon girlfriends here.

To read each member & their girlfriend’s headcanon universe fics in order, follow the links here: RM   /   Jin /   Suga /   J-Hope   /   Jimin   /   V   /   Jungkook & our full masterlist of fanart and fanfictions can be found here

If you wish to follow all member’s storylines in chronological order from the beginning, you can find them listed here.

Rated content below the cut

PART ONE 

Yoongi looked up from his laptop, the movement from behind the cooker catching his eye as Jeong-sun held out a tupperware container. The mushy food-stuff inside was indiscernible at his distance. 

“Does this look like 12 ounces?” She directed the question at him but glanced at the contents from the corner of her eye with a wary, mistrustful look. Yoongi thought it likely she was baffled by the unfamiliar scent of the blended mixture of exotic vegetables, uncertain as to whether it would make a tasty, or at the very least edible, meal. 

“There are scales in the cupboard.” He easily shrugged, looking back down at the spreadsheet on the screen with a sense of haste. He had been working on the document for most of the afternoon before a spontaneous phone call had called him away. A quick glance at the time in the bottom hand corner alerted him to the fact he only had a few more hours before the final calculations had to be submitted. While the thought had been at the back of his mind for the past few weeks, he had lost track of the deadline; usually accustomed to such matters being dealt with behind the scenes by the various accountants who worked for the company. He knew he was still within the terms of his contract that he and the other members had signed several years before, but the fact he had not produced anything new for BigHit since enlisting played on his mind. It felt right that he should finally take responsibility for his own finances. 

He heard her sigh, along with the heavy sound of a knife being dropped on the chopping board. “I tried them. It only shows Metric units. The recipe’s in Imperial.” She complained, eyeing the illuminated screen on her phone which she had set to the website in question. The various pictures which accompanied the text promised a colourful end result which, frustratingly, bore little resemblance to the mixture resting at the bottom of the saucepan. 

He scoffed, lips twisting. “Who uses Imperial?”

“Whoever wrote the recipe.” She quickly retorted. He could practically sense the eye-roll in her reply and couldn't help distracting himself once more by taking a glance in her direction, looking up just in time to see her dump the contents of the tupperware into the saucepan to join the assortment of vegetables she had peeled and cut earlier in the afternoon.

“It’ll do…” She murmured, making him snicker as he minimised the grids and numbers on screen to open up a web browser, his mind already drawn from the task at hand by another, nagging question. 

Jeong-sun bent beneath the counter to search through the assortment of herbs and spices on the rack below. 

“Liberia…” He said suddenly and she looked up, peering above the table.

“What?” She asked with a frown.

He read out loud. “Liberia uses the Imperial system. And the US.” Scrolling across the webpage, he pressed his fingers tightly to his lips. “Myanmar too...” He finished, satisfied. 

She smirked sarcastically. “That’s good to know.” He watched her dip down once more and continued to read, engrossed in the fact file he had come across. 

“Are there many vegans in Liberia?” Her voice was slightly muffled as she peered deeper into the cupboard, swinging the rotating holder lightly and scanning the peeled labels on the glass containers.

“I’m not sure.” He mumbled. 

The loud, grating sound of jars being rearranged filled the kitchen as she rummaged through the cabinet. “You were on the phone a while…” She called, raising her voice to be heard above the clattering of glass. “Is everything okay?” 

He sensed little more than mild curiosity in her tone, knowing she hadn’t meant to eavesdrop on the long conversation in the hallway shortly before, but unable to help it. He had left the kitchen door open, unaware when he answered the phone that he would be gone so long. “Jungkook called.” He murmured vacantly, eyes narrowing behind his spectacles as he scrolled down the page, reading rapidly. “Taehyung got in touch…”

“How is he?” Jeong-sun popped up her head, a jar of paprika clutched successfully in her hand. 

“Still in service.” Yoongi replied a little detachedly. “He’s going to be a father.” 

His casual, indifferent tone helped mask the meaning of his words and it took a moment for them to take hold and Jeong-sun poured the paprika into the pan for a few moments before she realised what he had said. 

“Oh?” She tried to read Yoongi’s expression from behind the laptop in order to gage his feelings about this piece of news but instead found nothing but his eyes scanning the screen. “Is it -” She paused, wondering how to phrase it delicately. While Yoongi had known the younger man for years, he spoke of his friend’s personal life very little. Regardless of this, a memory flashed through her mind. “The mother...is she the woman from the play?” 

“Cassandra.” He confirmed. 

“With the boobs?”

Their eyes met and he let out a breathy laugh, a smile breaking on his lips. “That’s her.” He nodded. Having not thought of that night in years, her words brought it back to him in perfect detail. The other boys had been distracted by the spectacle on stage as the actress shrugged off her robe but he recalled not being surprised. A part of him expected no less from the woman who had stolen Taehyung’s heart; with her exotic, tragic-stricken name and musical accent. 

“Oh.” Jeong-sun repeated, unsure what to say; not knowing either person enough to form an opinion. “Good for them I guess.” 

Yoongi gazed at her, his expression softening at her casual, awkward shrug. He realised his initial reaction to Jungkook spilling the news had been quite cynical, wondering whether the younger man was ready for it; if it wasn’t an act of carelessness on his part. The fact of the pregnancy being accidental hung in the air as the maknae spoke frantically down the line, along with the recollection told by Hoseok months before that the couple had broken up before Taehyung’s enlistment. 

The whole situation felt like a disaster waiting to happen, and while he hid this belief from Jungkook, he had needed to take a moment after hanging up the phone to collect his thoughts. Looking at Jeong-sun now, he suddenly felt a pang of guilt at having judged the situation too harshly; he didn’t know what kind of parents Taehyung and Cassandra would make, and either way he realised, it was none of his business. He mused for a moment, eyes flicking downwards in a sheepish smile. “Yeah, good for them.” He agreed softly. 

Jeong-sun had already turned to the back wall, reaching for a long, slender plastic bottle set back on the top shelf and, with a huff, stood on her tiptoes to retrieve it, her fingertips skimming the bottle a few times uselessly before she finally caught hold of its slender neck. “Is olive oil vegan?” She blew a stray strand of hair from her face noisily and peered at the green-hued liquid. “The recipe said rapeseed, but I couldn’t find any…”

“I think so.” He muttered, watching her measure a couple of spoonfuls and adding it to the ingredients. Her face was a little flushed and he couldn’t help but chime in. “Are you sure you don’t need any help?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You sound it…” He quipped.

“I’m sure I can cook a …” Bending over the counter, she squinted at her phone screen. “Vegan Jam...ba...laya…” She read the title slowly, struggling with the syllables. “...With okra and creole seasoning, just fine by myself thank you.” Straightening up, her hands moved to the curves of her hips in a defiant stance. 

“I’m sure you can…I don’t mind helping.” He pressed softly. 

She picked up a wooden spoon to stir the mixture. “I offered to cook for them.” She argued lightly. “I’m just borrowing your apartment. My oven broke.”

“Again?”

She sighed. “The fuse blew. I just haven’t gotten around to replacing the wiring.”

“You should get a switchboard.”

She glanced at him, unimpressed. “You try asking my landlord...How do you turn this ring on…”

“Top right.”

“Thanks…” Twisting the dial, she leaned casually against the countertop, waiting for the electric hob to heat up to temperature. “When did they go vegan?” She asked, a soft expression playing on her features as she watched him read. He seemed preoccupied when he spoke.

“I think it’s a new year’s resolution thing. It was his idea.”

Tapping the cooker lightly, she felt along the ring. “This isn’t working…” 

“Maybe we should go vegan…” He suddenly teased. 

“Fuck off.” She scoffed, matching his smile as he took off his glasses and folded them neatly on the table beside him; both falling into a comfortable silence. Realising he wasn’t going to reply, Jeong-sun busied herself, scooping up the used utensils and placing them on the shelves in the dishwasher. 

Eventually he spoke. “They have the second largest shipping industry in the world…”

“Who?” She spun around, voice curious.

“Liberia.” Leaning forward, he began to recite. “Accounting for eleven percent of ships worldwide.”

Jeong-sun raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you doing your tax returns?”

“I might need you to look them over.” He admitted a little guiltily, eyes following as she plodded over to the cooker.

“That’s optimistic of you.” She said dryly, lips curling. 

“You’re better with money than I am.” He said sincerely, glancing down to once again open the Excel spreadsheet. His eyebrows furrowed as he went back over the numbers, concentration not long fixed before a loud cry broke his trail of thought. 

“Ah! Fuck!”

His stomach churned unpleasantly and he was on his feet before he had time to think. It was immediately obvious what had happened and he reached for her hand carefully, inspecting the burn. “Put it under the cold tap…” He murmured, guiding her easily towards the sink and turning on the faucet. “I meant to tell you the hob heats up quickly…” 

“I just caught the edge..” She protested, sensing the hurt in his voice and twisting her palm to reassure him the damage wasn’t bad. The pink-coloured streak stood out against her otherwise pale skin; the cold stream turning her other digits white as he held her wrist steady. Both fell quiet as they waited for the burn to cool, a shared memory lingering silently between them as they remembered their roles being reversed; her guiding his hand under the tap carefully as a trickle of claret ran between their palms. 

“I guess I’m not so good at this whole ‘playing house’ thing.” She admitted with a sigh, cheeks stained pink as she cast a sly glance towards the offending hob. “I’d make a terrible wife.”

He twisted the faucet, chest aching at her words and he gently released her from his grasp. “I don’t expect you to ‘play house’.” He said quietly.

Their eyes met and she edged closer, touching his forearm delicately as she whispered. “I know you don’t.” Her gaze dropped to her covered feet, self-conscious as she toyed with what she was trying to say. “After it being just us for so long…” She trailed off.

“It’s strange for me too.” He confessed softly, eyes drawn to where her hands met his skin and watching her move along his arms, comforted by his solid presence. 

Worrying he would misunderstand, she backtracked. “Not in a bad way…”

“No.” He agreed. “Just new.” 

She continued to caress him delicately, the pads of her fingers trailing along the grooves and tendons in his wrists. 

“You know he’s going to talk your ear off…” He eventually murmured, casually changing the topic.

“Hoseok?” Her face perked up.

“He really likes you.” Yoongi confessed with a smile, making her grin in reply as he looked down at her hand. “Do you want it wrapping?”

Flipping it over, she shook her head. “It’s not that bad...I’m just wondering if I should quickly go home and get changed.”

“Why?” His eyes flickered briefly over her body, noting the tight, figure-hugging fit of her jeans and the hint of cleavage beneath the frill of her organza shirt. While not particularly dressy, he didn’t see anything wrong with what she was wearing and sensed she was trying to distract herself. “You look fine…” 

Bridging the gap between them, he captured her lips, tilting his head slowly as she sank into the kiss, clearly relieved by his gesture. Although they kissed when she arrived, the space of several hours suddenly felt like an eternity; their separate activities in the kitchen seemed a waste of time when they could have spent it like this; pressed together; their bodies flush and lips entwined. She felt his tongue move against hers and sighed gently into his mouth, feeling breathless as he slid his hands down her hips to the round flesh of her backside which he squeezed beneath his digits, kneading her flesh through the denim before spanking her once, lightly, on the right cheek in a surprising move which made her moan against him, the space between her thighs growing warm and tingly. It wasn’t enough, and she cursed the fact they would have to part soon, their bodies inevitably separating in order to finish the meal she was preparing and, much later, that she would have to return home and go to work. As though sensing her thoughts he slowly pulled away, pecking her in a final, lingering kiss; knowing that their guests would be arriving shortly. 

“Are you sure you wouldn’t rather look over my tax returns than cook?” He uttered, mouth soft against her lips.  

She closed her eyes briefly in reply, his offer undeniably tempting but not completely masking the nagging feeling that she should be the one to cook. “I promised…” She protested unconvincingly. 

“I won’t tell.” He whispered, a small grin tugging at his lips. 

With a relieved sigh she gave in, unable to stop herself from drawing him into another sinking kiss. “I love you.”

***

The murmur of voices caught their attention before they even heard the doorbell ring; the owners clearly trying to keep quiet on the front stoop in order not to disturb the neighbours but failing massively. Yoongi looked up from the bubbling saucepan and lowered the heat to simmer as he met Jeong-sun’s gaze with a shared grin. She clicked the send icon on the screen, finishing the final piece of paperwork and closing the laptop with a soft clink. It had been years since she had solved calculations any more complex than her own household bills, and the feeling was strangely satisfying, as well as the knowledge that her admittedly rather dry expertise with numbers was finally coming in useful to someone other than herself. 

“That’ll be them.” He joked, setting down the wooden spoon and joining her side as she led the way to the front door. The scent which filled the apartment could not quite be described as appetizing, but he had followed the recipe closely, only substituting what he could not find in his cupboards with similar ingredients. 

Jeong-sun stepped aside to allow Yoongi to reach for the door handle, and the volume of Hoseok’s greeting made her jump in surprise. 

“Hyung!” The open door shielded the younger man from view, but the sight of her boyfriend being pulled from the hallway into a presumably a tight embrace made her smile. A second later, she lept back once more, letting out a little squeal of shock as a slender, mottled-patterned Greyhound shot through the open doorway, his blue lead trailing uselessly behind as he raced down the hall, towards the empty guest room. 

“Seulgi...no!” 

Jeong-sun heard Nana cry after the dog moments before the tall, angular woman came into view, rushing blindly past Jeong-sun in an effort to recapture the lead which had evidently slipped from her grasp. 

“There he goes…” Hoseok murmured good-humouredly, whistling under his breath and stepping into the hall. He soon noted the woman’s presence. “Hi Jeong-sun!” He grinned, wrapping his arms around her before she had time to process what was happening. 

Yoongi followed the brown and grey shape with just as much confusion as his girlfriend, watching as Nana managed to corner him at the end of the corridor and bent down to pick up his lead, her beaded dress skimming the floor with a jingling sound before she straightened up and slipped it from his neck.

“I hope you don’t mind…” The older woman fussed, breathlessly gesturing to the extra guest as she led the dog back towards the group. Her chest was stained pink above the straight bust of her strappy dress; a long 20s style number in Morrocan blue which came to the tops of her bare ankles. “I should have called before...it just happened at the last minute…”

“Her neighbour was taken to the hospital, and someone needed to look after the dog.” Hoseok explained, a little more eloquently. 

A worried frown played on Nana’s face as she turned to Jeong-sun. “I hope you’re not allergic.”

“It’s fine.” She waved, still getting over her initial startle but realising that the dog had once more disappeared from view. “Where’s he gone…” She murmured a little anxiously. 

Hoseok seemed preoccupied with something perched on the floor outside and returned a moment later clutching a heavy-looking plant pot. “We brought you this.” He held the object at arm’s length while Jeong-sun and Nana looked around nervously. “I hope you like orchids.”

Taking the pot from his hands, Yoongi smirked. “I keep killing them.” He muttered dryly. 

Nana faced the other woman and her spiraled hair bounced energetically against her shoulders. “I think he’s in the bathroom.” 

Jeong-sun sauntered after her as she lept down the hall, murmuring under her breath. “As long as he doesn’t drink the toilet water...” Seeing that Nana had once more secured the Greyhound with its tattered looking leesh, she turned towards the kitchen, a little flustered as she switched off the hob and looked around the space. “Yoongi?” She called. “Do you have a bowl the dog can use…?” 

“Under the sink.” He instructed from the hallway and she bent down, rummaging noisily through the various cleaning products and spare pans before she found a small steel bowl towards the back. 

“Got it!” She shouted, giving it a quick rinse under the tap before filling it with fresh water and placing it carefully by the doorway. The dog sprinted into the room at the sound, sensing refreshment, and quickly lapped at the liquid, followed by Nana who brushed a ringlet flusteredly from her perspiring forehead. She glanced apologetically at the other woman, noticing that she did not seem as keen on animals as herself and Hoseok, but relieved to see she did not appear angry at having an additional visitor. Jeong-sun wandered past to find Yoongi in the hall, unsurprised to see Hoseok conversing with him eagerly by the open doorway as though they had not seen each other in months. 

“Did you finally meet him?” The younger man, seemingly unaware of the woman’s presence spoke in the hushed tones of someone trying to keep a secret but too excited to whisper. Yoongi nodded but his back was turned, obscuring his expression. 

“How was it?” Hoseok asked eagerly, though his grin quickly faded when he spotted Jeong-sun by the kitchen and realised he had been caught out. Yoongi followed his friend’s gaze, meeting her eye across the hall and giving a tiny, knowing smile, telling her all she needed to know. 

PART TWO

“Woo…” Hoseok let out a long breath of air as he reclined back in his hair, chest and stomach puffed out as he stretched. Nana eyed his empty plate as she reluctantly put down her cutlery, too full to finish the hearty helping in front of her. 

Seulgi, who at the start of the meal had been banished into the hall, had somehow found his way back into the room and while his temporary owners had initially protested, was soon forgotten as a third bottle of wine was opened. Yoongi stroked his ears soothingly from under the table, picking at the plate of store-bought ciabattas which accompanied their main course without much appetite and occasionally, when the others weren’t looking, dropping the crusts onto the floor where the dog snatched them up eagerly. 

“That was really good Jeong-sun…” Nana proclaimed as she chewed her final mouthful, making a point of rubbing her stomach. 

Her boyfriend leaned forward, echoing the sentiment. “Really good!” He beamed, an empty plate a sign of sincerity. 

“I really couldn’t eat another bite…” Nana continued, reaching for her glass of red to clear her throat. 

“Not another bite.” Hoseok agreed cheerfully, seeming to forget in his apparent tipsiness that he had already finished his serving. His cheeks were rosy, forehead perspiring a little under the warm kitchen bulb, and he reached for the wine bottle to pour another drink for himself.

Jeong-sun bit the inside of her cheek to stifle a laugh as her eyes moved from the woman to the man beside her, their almost-innocent lack of self-awareness enviable. 

“They’re right...it’s really good Jeong-sun…” Yoongi murmured, his expression straight but eyes swimming playfully. “How long did it take you?” 

A toothy grin crept onto her lips and, with the other pair preoccupied, she reached under the table to slap his wrist lightly, chest filling with warmth as he matched her flirtatious smirk. “Shut up…” She whispered, heart thudding madly as she felt his long, slender fingers wrap around her own; their bodies still for a moment as a shared, static sensation played between them.

“You know, he’s probably going to have to come and live with us…” Hoseok sighed, suddenly breaking the silence. Jeong-sun and Yoongi instinctively moved apart to look across the table, seeing at once the younger man was addressing his girlfriend who appeared about ready to fall asleep. Her curls were dangling a little listlessly across her bare shoulders, the thin, flimsy straps of her dress having slipped from place. 

“Who?” She yawned; the drink having clearly gone to her head. 

“Seulgi.” He replied, matter of factly. Nana glanced beneath tired, droopy eyelids. 

“He’s not our dog…” She feebly protested, unable to help noticing the way the man beside her had sat up energetically as an idea clearly played through his mind. 

“He could be…”

Jeong-sun watched this exchange with a mixture of amusement and awkwardness, the conversation having taken an peculiar turn which looked to be heading into a half-hearted argument. 

“Don’t be silly…” Nana sighed, bending her arms at the below to finger her shoulders, adjusting the straps which she belatedly realised had come askew. 

Hoseok laughed lightly, his cheer not dampened by the mild insult. “Why not?” He asked, clearly not seeing any flaw in his plan. “Your neighbour might not be able to walk when she comes out of the hospital...it’s not the first time she has fallen over...we’d be doing her a favour.”

“Oh Hoseok!” She exclaimed with a loud huff, hands banging on the table. “What a horrible thing to say!”

“I’m just being realistic…” He quibbled. “She’s really old!... And Greyhounds need a lot of exercise…”

Despite their melodramatic tones, Jeong-sun couldn’t help but shift in her chair, looking to Yoongi for guidance on how to react, but surprised to see him sipping his glass casually, unphased by the rising volume of the couple opposite. She realised the spectacle was not new to him and felt a pang of shock when she remembered how long he had been familiar with them and their antics; that while Nana was a near-stranger to her, Yoongi had known her for years during their time apart. The revelation was odd; sitting beside him now, it felt strange that over three years had passed where they had not been in each other’s lives. She found herself reaching for the bottle of red, pouring herself the third glass of the evening.

“And what will you do when you have to go back to work?” Nana challenged, breaking Jeong-sun’s trail of thought. 

“Ohhh…” Hoseok uttered, vocalising his thoughts out loud. “That’s a while yet…”

“I wouldn’t hold your breath Nana…” Yoongi chirped in, not unkindly. 

The older woman looked at him, disappointed in his casual taking of Hoseok’s side. “Do you agree with this Jeong-sun?” She challenged, eyes darting in her direction with an exasperated smile playing on her lips. 

The other woman shrugged, unable to help her lips from curling at the corner. “If you don’t take him...it looks like Yoongi will…” 

Half-way through the dinner she had felt the dog brush her thigh, his tall but slender body almost bumping the underside of the table as he squeezed himself between her and Yoongi, clearly comforted by their presence, before finally settling down and falling into a light sleep. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to work out which of them he liked the most. 

“See?” Hoseok held out his palm, gesturing to Jeong-sun before turning to his girlfriend. 

Nana sighed slowly, clearly giving up. “We’ll talk about it later…”

A short and relieved silence fell over the room; the first proper moment of calm of the evening, and Yoongi got to his feet, carefully pulling back the chair to allow Seulgi to escape. 

“We’d better get going soon...it’s a school night.” Nana murmured, wiping her eyes and smudging her eyeliner in the process. 

“It’s okay, we’ll be off to bed soon.” Yoongi agreed quietly as he began to collect the plates, piling them neatly in the centre of the table. 

Hoseok and Nana moved back, giving him room as they followed the dog into the hallway; happy to see that even he had grown tired in all the excitement of the evening and had begun to plod along lethargically. 

Hoseok suddenly turned back to the other couple from the doorway, grinning as though he had only just remembered. “We have some big news…”

“Oh?” Yoongi’s interested, but calm tone told Jeong-sun that whatever the other man was about to reveal, it probably wasn’t as earth shattering as the description implied. 

Nana nodded from beside him as she reached down to slip the loosely fitted leash around the dog’s long, slender neck. “We’re moving in together.” She said, her matching smile signalling the argument from before was already forgotten. 

“When?” 

“At the end of the school year...once Nana had sorted her belongings…”

“I need to figure out what I might need to keep...for the year group coming up.” She explained gingerly, already thinking of the mammoth task it would be to sort the trash from the treasure and knowing she would be unable to let go of as much as she should. 

“That’s great.” Jeong-sun joined them as they headed towards the front door, bringing her palm to her mouth to stifle a long, drawn-out yawn. 

“It looks like you’re ready for bed too!” Hoseok smiled, hand skimming Seulgi’s fur fondly as the group clustered at the end of the hall. 

“Long day…” She murmured in reply. 

“I’ll bet!” He waved goodbye as they spilled into the night, the cold evening air filtering through the doorway and into the apartment. 

“Thanks again for the meal Jeong-sun.” Nana smiled. 

“It was better than a restaurant!” Hoseok retorted as they took off down the street, clearly meaning to cut across the park in order to get home. The dog, rejuvenated at the prospect of an extra walk, bounded happily in front of them. The trio seemed perfectly matched; their long, spindly limbs breaking ground quickly as they disappeared around a corner. 

Yoongi closed the door behind himself and turned to face Jeong-sun who was rubbing her hands quickly together to warm against the draft which had crept in. Her cheeks were rosy beneath a light layer of foundation, eyes gleaming with mirth as she leaned casually against the wall and tucked her hands behind her back.

“They really liked your cooking…” She simpered, enjoying the silence which followed and the comfortable tension which rested in the air as he attached the safety chain, his movements slow and deliberate as it rattled into place. When he looked back, she was already walking into the living room, ignoring the mess on the dining table in favour of heading towards the couch in the far corner. He followed wordlessly, watching her slump heavily against the cushions to lay outstretched across the length. He stayed where he was at the foot of the chair, waiting for her to speak; to tell him what she wanted. While it had been nice to have guests, he suspected that like him, she had been waiting for them to leave. The memory of the heated kiss shared in the kitchen burned in his mind throughout the meal, leaving him restless and fervent. 

“Take them off…” She murmured, not needing to elaborate as he inched forward and reached for the waist of her tightly fitted jeans. The buckle unclasped easily, dragging her hips upwards as he clutched the fabric and worked them down her legs. She was utterly still, limbs heavier than usual in her drained state, but he handled her body with ease, slipping the jeans across her knees and around her feet as she watched him carefully. Discarding them on the floor, he moved his right hand to the fleshy part of her lower calf which he rubbed tenderly, admiring her body below him as she rested her socked feet against the armrest to allow better access to her soft flesh. “These too…” She lightly fingered the burgundy trim of her panties, running along the tight band which rested across her pelvic bone, before they too were moved away, digging his knuckles gently into her flesh as he hooked them beneath the elastic, drawing them down. Under other circumstances she might have felt a moment of coyness as she was exposed, his standing position allowing full view of her lower body, but instead found herself unable to pull her eyes from him; the look on his face as his dark eyes shifted across her said it all, and she parted her mouth weakly. 

“I’m too tired to fuck…” She admitted breathlessly, feeling regretful. 

A shy grin crept onto his lips and he inched forward, smoothing his palm along her bare thigh and up her torso as he nestled between her thighs which she gladly parted for him, covering her body with his own. “Me too…” He smiled easily; breath warm and gentle against her skin before kissing her with open lips. She met his mouth zealously as he ran his fingertips through her hair, brushing her cheek softly before pulling away. Her lips were parted; full and red, and she took his hand in hers, slipping it slowly between her thighs. 

He was still for a moment but her expression encouraged him, and he stroked through her folds with two digits, brushing his moist fingertips over her swelling clitoris. She moaned softly, guiding for a moment before allowing him to take over, his thumb running over the coarse curls of her pubic hair as he slowly caressed her, trapping the hooded skin above her clit gently between two fingers and teasing her sensually while he watched her expression tenderly. She closed her eyes, moistening her dried lips with her tongue, and his heart thudded in response. Moving closer, he trailed his lips along her cheeks and nose, welcoming her warm, shallow breath against him. 

“Does this feel good?” He whispered against the corner of her mouth, listening to her sigh in response.

“Yes…” He felt her eyes open against him and he pulled away to look at her. “I love you…” She murmured, voice cracking. 

His mouth trembled in reply, only stilling when she arched her back to kiss it closed as she welcomed the weight of his body; embracing him, pulling him closer. He touched his cool cheek to hers, eventually slowing against her when he sensed from her quieting moans that she was too tired to reach her high. 

Reaching around his back, her fingertips splayed across his covered shoulder blades, holding him soothingly. He felt her lips against his temple and knew she was wanting to speak; to let go of the tension she had been holding onto all evening since he had roamed his hands across her body in the kitchen, prior to Hoseok’s arrival. Stoking a damp strand of hair away from her forehead, he moved onto his side to rest against the back-cushions of the sofa.

“What is it?” He whispered, meeting her gaze; smoothing her cheekbone tenderly with his thumb. 

She was silent for a long time; her chest feeling as though it might burst as he waited patiently, appreciating her features; how beautiful she was.

“I could be with you forever, and it wouldn’t be long enough…” She murmured, eyebrows furrowed as the words took hold, affecting them both. He felt her confession in every limb; his heart seeming to simultaneously swell and sink as he realised that he too felt that way. 

He blinked, eyes stinging as his mouth opened silently, trying to find the right words but failing. Instead, he nodded, fingertips quivering against her cheek. He thought she might be able to feel his heartbeat in them. 

“I know…”

Jeong-sun was silent, unable to talk; there was nothing stronger she could answer in reply. Instead, she reached for his hand, taking it gently in hers and placing it flat against her chest, under the trim of her shirt to rest between her breasts. She closed her eyes slowly and nestled into him, palm trapped between their bodies and pressing into his own. Finally, her heartbeat slowed against his digits as she drifted into sleep, her light snores comforting against his collar. He watched her for a while, knowing he would awake aching in the morning from having foregone the softness of his bed but not giving it a second thought. As he pressed his lips gently to her hair, wrapping one arm gently around her, he was careful not to disturb her slumber. 

***

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[cherrybloomn]

Delicate - Chapter 1

Summary:

Naomi Poesy is a TV host of the show about acting and contemporary cinema. She is living life to the fullest, but for some reason she promised herself, she will never do any relationships. Much to her surprise she befriends one of her guests. Will she keep her promise?

***

Warnings: none

-------------------------------------------------

Feb. 2020

„Naomi, our guest is having his makeup done. He will be in the studio in about five minutes, we’re on air in ten.”

„Thank you. My God, I had such a wonderful weekend! Can you imagine that Samuel Firth, the CEO of The Kellan Investments, agreed to finance my charity?? We actually went out on Saturday. I was certain he would have sent one of his employees, but no! He came himself! We went to Nobu Restaurant. We spent almost three hours talking about the charity and our legal, and psychological support. I told him about all the women and children needing our help. Apparently, he has four kids. He also gave me a wonderful idea – to build a house, where the most needed ones could temporarily live. He said the FI could provide the building to accommodate. That’s fucking awesome!”

„Sounds brilliant! You know I will always be grateful, that you helped me to move on, and that you gave me this job. I don’t know what we’d do without your help. I was such a mess. I mean it.” Sarah smiled at Naomi. „I can’t say thank you enough.” For a moment Sarah zoned out thinking about her previous life. Her husband abused her and their ten-year-old son. He even made them steal alcohol for him. She met Naomi by accident in Buddhist Centre, where Sarah was looking for help. Sarah remembered their first encounter. Despite Naomi’s petite frame, Sarah felt the great energy. Naomi invited Sarah to her charity, provided the legal and psychological care. They managed to fight the restraining order, which made Sarah feel much better and safe.

„Hey, Sarah.” Naomi approached the girl and grabbed her by the hand. „Everything is fine. It is fine. It will be fine.” Naomi gave Sarah a hug. „Now, let’s go to our guest. I’ve heard you fancy him!”

“Oh, I so do. Who doesn’t??”

“Well, sure he is handsome. But I’m definitely loyal to Leonardo DiCaprio. He’s such a great actor.”

„Not that handsome though! I hope I’ll get an autograph for me and for Tom, he’s a big Superman fan.”

„We’ll work that out”. Naomi winked at her, grabbed her notes and headed to the studio. To get there she had to use the elevator, which was at the end of the main lobby. Just after she called the elevator a man approached her.

„Excuse me” He tried not to smile at her, but obviously couldn’t. „I am Henry’s friend. I mean Henry Cavill’s friend. I’m Colin. I am such a fan of yours. I really enjoy your show very much. I so wanted to meet you. Man, you look even better in person. I mean you look wonderful on screen! But in person, you are even more beautiful. I’m sorry, I’m babbling. I know that.” He shook his head and laughed. „I will wait here for Henry. I just. I am your fan, really.”

Naomi was so amused by this situation but it felt really nice what the man had to say. „Thank you, Colin. It’s really nice to hear that. So, if you are a fan of the show, maybe you’d like to see it from the inside? Come with me!”

They both entered the elevator, which lead them to the tenth floor.

„Good evening everyone!” Naomi said rushing through the studio towards two huge sofas located in the centre side of the stage. Her guest was sitting on one of these.

„Mr Cavill, very nice to meet you.” she extended her hand. Henry immediately stood up and shook her hand.

“It’s Henry, Nice to meet you too. Confession time. I must admit I am quite nervous to be here. You can be so abrupt to your quests!” He was partly teasing of course, but not quite.

“Me abrupt?!” She exclaimed with and smirked. “Nobody has ever told me that! When have I been abrupt?”

“I remember the episode with Jesse McBell, the theatre director and how you baptized him for not knowing who Grotowski was! I so watched it yesterday, just to prepare for the worst.” He laughed.

“Oh no. I do remember that! Was that abrupt reaction, really??” She giggled. She did remember that encounter. The guy was so full of himself, there was no discussion with him – each movie Naomi asked about was “shit”, each director was a “spoiled wannabe”. Only Jesse McBell was the greatest. Naomi as a typical hot-tempered person decided to teach him a lesson. On vision. That was very unprofessional, obviously. She regretted being so harsh. It turned out though, that it was one of the most watched and liked episodes of the season. “But I tell you what. Fear not! I am a huge fan of the Witcher, so I will be gentle with you. Promise.” She gave him the sweetest smile. “Please take a seat.”

They both sat on the sofas, facing each other.

“So. Are you the game fan or the books fan?” Henry lifted his eyebrow and smiled at his host.

“Mostly books. I’ve started to play only a couple of months ago. I can’t complete one task. I just have no idea how to..” Naomi stopped talking as she heard the director’s voice in her earphone. “40 seconds to get on air.” She smiled at Henry, who obviously was a bit nervous. “No worries, today I am as gentle as a little puppy.” They both chuckled.

A few seconds later they started rolling. The interview went very well. Naomi kept her promise, but couldn’t deny herself to tease Henry a little bit about his nervousness. Henry felt almost intimidated each time she asked questions and looked at him with her piercing grey eyes. He was impressed by her knowledge about the movie industry and the acting methods. He enjoyed the form of this encounter. It was rather a conversation than a typical interview.

“So … I hope it wasn’t as bad as you expected it to be. I wouldn’t like to become your nightmare.” She said after they heard “cut” in their earphones.

Henry stood up so that the staff could remove his micro. “No, no. It was a real pleasure. I mean it. You have quite a big knowledge about acting methods. Have you ever tried to perform?”

“Well. Yes and no. I have a master degree in acting. I graduated drama school in London and I did a three - month course in Moscow. It was my dream once. So at school I was performing, mostly in theatres. I really enjoyed working on a role and acting in theatre. I did some movie projects but just small indie productions. The surrounding though was not for me. I mean the castings, convincing everyone that I’m prettier, slimmer, fatter, taller, smaller, better, more talented. No. That’s not for me. So, I started to work as a radio reporter. For a short time, I prepared criminal podcasts. That was so cool, I really liked that! Then I moved to the cultural news section as one of the reporters got fired and I was a drama school graduate. And then it just happened, I got the offer to work here.”

“Don’t you regret that you gave up acting?”

“I once did. For a moment. It happened when my friend was a guest of the show, she studied with me. She’s a great actress. When I interviewed her, just for a second, I felt like – oh, it could have been me. But I believe everything happens for a reason.”

Naomi didn’t even notice Colin, who approached them.

“Oh. Naomi, this is my friend Colin. He’s a real fan of yours. And the reason of my nervousness. He showed the bloody episode to me!” Henry laughed and patted his friend’s arm. “He couldn’t wait to meet you”.

“Yes, we’ve already met today.” She turned towards Colin, who was smiling shyly. “Are you from movie industry?”

Both Henry and Colin looked at each other and laughed. “God no!” Colin shook his head. “I would never agree to work in that industry, no money could convince me. Ever. I’m an accountant.”

“Oh ok.” Naomi raised her eyebrow “I’ve never been good at numbers. Unfortunately. I spend money way too easily. Afterwards I always cry.”

“Oh. So, you need a good accountant!” Colin exclaimed.

“Or a rich husband.” Henry looked at Colin and wrapped his around his friend. “But of course, a good accountant would be a much better choice!” He couldn’t believe that after all these years of friendship, teasing Colin has still been so amusing.

“Well thank you gentlemen for your wonderful advice, but I have to announce that I already had a rich husband, and it took me three years to divorce, and I do have an accountant. But to prove my appreciation for your advice, I’d like to invite you to the party held by BBN on Friday evening.” She whispered “They throw great parties.”

Henry was to thank her for an invitation, and explain that he wasn’t sure if his schedule allows him to participate, but Colin was quicker.

“But of course, we will be there! Wonderful. Thank you, Naomi.”

She chuckled lightly and looked at Henry “So, Sarah will contact your agent and provide you with all the details. I will sign you both up on the guests list, and if you can make it, you’re welcomed. It was a pleasure to meet both of you.” Naomi shook Henry’s and Colin’s hands and headed back to her office.

Before she reached the elevator, Henry, who apparently rushed after her, stopped her.

“Naomi, I’m sorry I just checked up my phone and I can’t make it to the party on Friday. I have a family meeting. I can’t let them down.”

Naomi just nodded. She felt a bit disappointed, which was strange to her. She hasn’t felt anything like that for at least two years. Ever since she got divorced, she’s become emotionally numb. It has been very hard to disappoint her, as she didn’t care for anything at all. Excluding her tv work and her charity, these two years have been filled with parties, lots of expensive trips, shopping and flirting, just for sport. “Well, it’s a pity. I thought that I’d get more brilliant advice, like the one about getting a rich husband.” She chuckled. “But of course, I do understand. No worries.”

“Yes… I have some more in stock.” He smiled. After a minute of awkward silence, he added “How about having a lunch this week? We could continue our conversation about movies and the Witcher game, as you’ve said you couldn’t complete a task.”

Two women approached them as they needed to use the elevator. Once they realized who is standing next to them, they looked at each other, at Naomi, at Henry and started giggling, which made Naomi laugh. So, after a second, all of them were laughing.

“Oh God you act as if we didn’t have famous, handsome guests in here!” Naomi rolled her eyes.

“Naomi, you obviously do have them on your tenth floor. We don’t! Sooo. Can we ask for a photo? I know it’s so lame. I feel ashamed asking, but still. Can we?” One of the women put out her phone.

“Of course!” Henry smiled at them, and posed for the photos. Afterwards, satisfied women entered the elevator, and he turned to Naomi. “So?”

“So? Oh, the lunch! Yes, sure we can catch up later this week.” She handed him her business card with the phone number. “If you’re around, just call me”.

“I certainly will! Have a good day Naomi.”

“You too. Goodbye.” She smiled at him one last time, and entered the elevator, which has just arrived.

***

[sleepywinchester]

Behind The Story S2 | Pt. 28

Summary: It’s time for JJ to start school but Y/N is not 100% on board. 

Author: sleepywinchester (prev. deanwinchester-af)

Characters: Jensen, Reader, Jared, Gen and Cast Cameos.

Pairings: Single!Jensen x Actress!Reader (Nina Dobrev = Faceclaim)

Words: 2.1k

Beta: N/A

Warnings: none really :)

Visual:  @clarissafairchild

Disclaimer: NO HATE TOWARDS DANNEEL!

We wuv her in this acc but this is just for science lol

Author’s Note: Y/N was definitely not ready to leave JJ at school!!! GUYS 2 CHAPTERS AWAY FROM THE FINAL CHAPTER EVER! How you guys feeling with all these chapters? Send me messages on my ask box!!! I wanna know all the feelings. As always;  hope you guys like this one ♥

>>> side note: these are the last chapters ever i am not adding anyone to the tag list.

Title: First Day’s 

MASTERLIST

“We’re late, we’re late, we’re late,” you repeated in whispers as the line of cars didn’t cease. 

It was a rush-hour morning in beautiful Austin Texas. The sky was blue and with no sign of clouds. The cars in front and behind you honked for the line to cut short. Everyone seemed to be in a hurry to get to their destinations but not you. The location your GPS was directing you wasn’t one you were excited about. Yes, you were late but it was not affecting you as much as it honestly should. 

At the sound of babbling, your eyes went to the rear mirror. They met with JJ’s soft pigtails and her bouncing head at the rhythm of Ariana’s latest hit. 

An incoming call took your eyes away from your daughter and back to the dash. 

“Good morning, babe,” you spoke the second you touched the green icon on your screen. 

You weren’t seeing his face but you imagined the wrinkles of his eyes showing as he smiled. 

“Mornin’ babe,” Jensen said. “How’s it going?”

You let a deep sigh as you hold the steer with both of your hands. 

“Traffic is…,” you stopped yourself from cursing out loud, “bad. I feel like I am in L.A. of how bad this traffic is.  And I honestly do not want to leave her there… It’s too early.” 

“Babe, we talked about this,” Jensen said.

You rolled your eyes, “I know we’ve talked about this but- Jensen… The main reason I literally quit my job was to stay home and take care of JJ.”

“I know but it’s been a year,” Jensen said.

“Has it?” You looked at the screen with doubt.

It hasn’t felt like a year since you retired and weren’t shooting for a TV show. 

“Babe, JJ needs to meet some friends,” your husband reply sounded logical but at that moment you were letting your heart rule over your head. 

“She has Tom and Shep… and soon she’ll have another friend,” you said.

Jensen chuckled softly at the other end of the line. “I know you’re having trouble separating from her after all these months but she needs to learn how to communicate more and learn the colors and letters and just start a normal school journey.” 

You sighed harshly again, slowly giving in to his logical thoughts. 

“What if I homeschool her?” Jensen did not speak a word to your suggestion and you quickly interpret the silence on the line. “Am I being a crazy mom right now?”

“You’re not being crazy…,” Jensen said softly, “I mean, you’re being a little crazy BUT you’re just being a mom. It’s going to be okay, Y/N. I wish I could be there to experience her first day… I love you.” 

A smile formed on your lips, you were having trouble separating from your daughter but Jensen was struggling with the guilt of not being a part of it. 

“JJ, say hi to daddy!” You looked at her. 

She instantly smiled, “Love you, daddy!” 

“Love you too, little bird! Have fun at school!” 

You couldn’t see his face but you knew there was a big bright smile on his face. 

“Love you, babe,” you said, “I will facetime you when we’re there.”

“Alright, we’re on a break from filming so it should be good,” Jensen said. “See ya’.”

You continued to drive towards JJ’s new school. Thanks to your talk with Jensen your nerves had calmed down into the level of not being scared. 

/ / 

You carried JJ as you walked into the school. Her eyes instantly began to wander around the colorful walls. A smile formed on your lips noticing how her eyes sparkled with excitement. 

There were parents all around the halls of the colorful school. You were grateful that you remembered the direction to JJ’s Pre-Head Start classroom from your latest visit to the school, if that weren’t the case, you would have been lost like a first-year student. 

As you walked towards JJ’s classroom, you grabbed your cellphone from your pocket and called Jensen in Facetime. Who picked up the call in a matter of seconds.

“You’re there?” Jensen asked, looking down at the screen. 

“Yep,” you said, realizing you were in front of the classroom. 

“You’re ready little bird?” you asked your daughter.

JJ smiled big, showing her pearls and curiously looking into the colorful classroom. You looked down at the phone and found Jared and Misha had joined the Facetime call. A giggle escaped your insides and you put JJ down on her feet. 

“Now you be good today and have lots of fun,” you said as you fixed her beige skirt and a pink shirt. “Okay, baby girl?”

She nodded with a smile, glancing down at the phone. 

“Hi, Uncle Jared! Hi Uncle Misha!” She greeted them with excitement. “I’m going to school!”

They chuckled and smiled for JJ, “Yes sweetheart! You go have fun!” 

“Baby, have fun and meet a lot of new friends!” Jensen added, “Love you.”

JJ blew her dad a kiss before giving you a kiss on the cheek and then continued to run into the room. Standing up straight you met with the Valery the teacher and smiled. Chatting about today being JJ’s first day at school. 

“Well, I will be back at 3 PM. See you, JJ!” You told her and she waved before going back to play with two new classmates.

“Did she stay okay?” Jensen asked. You nodded, feeling the tears building up in your eyes. “Aw, babe! Don’t cry! Don’t be sad.”

You wiped off the tears, “I am not sad, I am happy - She is just so happy and already making friends. We - we don’t have a baby anymore.”

“She will always be our baby,” he said. 

Once in the car, you took a moment to take deep breaths and get yourself together. 

“Babe, I have to go back to shooting. Are you going to be okay?” Jensen asked.

You gave him a small smile, “Yeah. I’m meeting with Gen for lunch and shopping for the new baby. I’ll text you later.” 

He blew a kiss and winked before ending the call. At that moment all the tears began to run wild, you didn’t know why you were crying so much but you couldn’t hold it back. You were happy for your kid, she was happy and ready to learn new things and start her education but at the same time, it was sad for you to let her go. 

/ / /

It didn’t take you long to arrive at a nice Mexican restaurant in Downtown Austin. Gen was waiting for you by a table with guacamole and chips ready. 

“I am so sorry for being so fucking late,” you said hugging your best friend. 

Gen giggled, “It's no worries. I got here in like 20 minutes.”

You pouted as you sat down and looked at the guac, “That looks so good.”

“It is, that’s my second order,” Gen said with a big unapologetic smile. 

With a giggle, you grabbed a chip and dipped in the guac. “This is amazing!!!” 

“Told you,” she said caressing her pronounced belly. 

You looked down at her seven months old belly. “You’re glowing.”

She smiled, “Thanks. You were right though, I thought having a girl would be a piece of cake after having two boys but girls are a handful in the belly.”

“They just don’t stay in a place,” you said. “JJ would move around my belly 24/7.”

“My girl too! Sometimes I can’t even sleep but… it’s worth it.” Gen said. 

“It is,” you agreed.

You two continued to order and chatting as you munched on the chips and guac. 

“You look like you've been crying,” Gen commented having a sip of her water.

“I was crying, leaving JJ at school left me so emotional,” you told her, feeling a bit of tears trying to push through. “How did you do it with Thomas and Shep?”

Gen chewed and shrugged with a small smirk, “I honestly cried my guts out too. They were so independent and ready to go and I just wasn’t but they were and I think that’s what is important. It's good for them to be ready for life and for new experiences, we just have to be here for when they need us.”

“You should write a book,” you said in awe. “It’s true… even if I am not ready, she is and that means we have done something right.”

“You have,” Gen said, “you and Jensen are the most amazing parents I’ve met and you will continue to be. Yeah,” she shrugged, “it's not always going to go the way you plan but at least it is going somewhere.”

You took a moment to take the words of your best friend. She was right, you needed to go with the flow and let your baby begin her own adventures, these ones starting with school.

“Do you want more?” Gen’s words brought you back from your thoughts.

You looked at her, with confusion in your eyes. “More what?”

“Kids,” she said, having a small sip of her juice. 

Instantly you smiled, “Of course but I’m not planning it.” 

Gen tilted her head and shrugged continuing to eat her meal. You also continued to eat yours. In between you two talked about her future plans for her blog and about future events that will be happening. 

The rest of the evening you guys went baby clothes shopping for the future baby. Everything was so cute and it slightly gave you baby fever. You were excited for the new baby but the thought of having another kid hasn’t crossed your mind but you wondered how Jensen felt about it. 

After the mall you picked JJ up in school and spent a couple more hours with Gen and her boys in the Padalecki household. Your daughter was very happy to spend more time with Tom and Shep. As you and Gen fixed dinner for them, they would play around the house.

“Hey Jules,” JJ greeted your dog as you guys walked into your house.

Instantly JJ began to play with Jules as you put everything in place. 

“JJ, you need to get in the bath,” you said.

Your daughter turned and began to walk upstairs. It wasn’t always that she agreed in the first try to what you asked but it was rare times like this that were perfect. Your phone began to ring inside your bag. 

“I’ll be there in a second, sweetie!” You shouted as you walked towards your bag that was in the kitchen’s island. Once in front of it, you grabbed it and smiled. It was Jensen. 

“Heeeey!” He cheered through the screen.

You let out a chuckle and began your way towards JJ's bathroom. 

“Hey, babe,” you smiled at the camera. “What’s up?”

“I’m at the apartment watching sports. It’s lonely here,” he said.

“Aw,” you walked into the bathroom and JJ was ready for the bath. “I’m prepping JJ’s bath,” with one twist the water began to fill the bathtub. “Say hi to daddy,” you turned the screen towards her.

“Daddy!” JJ exclaimed with excitement.

“Hey little bird!” 

You could listen to your husband smile in his tone. 

“How was your first day in school?” Jensen asked.

She got into the bathtub and began to play with the bubbles and toys. Meanwhile you sat and listened to their conversation about her first day. She told him about how much fun she had with her new friends. JJ liked the teacher and the classroom. 

“What was your favorite thing?” You asked.

JJ took a moment to recap her day inside her mind before answering the question.

“Brownies! Mrs. Dixon had brownies.” 

You chuckled, “of course that was your favorite thing.”

“Did you bring me brownies?” Jensen asked.

She shakes her head saying no, “Mommy and I will make brownies for you, daddy.”

“I love that,” he said with a smile. “Babe?”

“Yes,” you turned the phone towards you.

“I miss you,” his tone was low with a spice of sadness.

“I miss you too,” you replied, “can’t wait for Friday to be here already.” 

He smiled, “I can’t wait either. Call me when JJ goes to bed?”

You smirked, “Will do. JJ say good night to daddy?”

“Good night daddy!” She shouted and followed with giggles. “Love you!”

“I love you too birdie,” Jensen said before hanging up. 

_______________________________________________________

@flawsweirdo @sis-tafics​​​​ @torn-and-frayed​​​​​ @blacktithe7​​​​​ @ruined-by-destiel​​​​ @kazchester-fanfiction​​​​ @xtina2191​​​​ @padackles2010 @adriellej​​​ @chickenmcsade​​​​ @nokillzforu @faith-in-dean​​​​​ @thing-you-do-with-that-thing​​​​​@supernaturalyobessed​​​@feelmyroarrrr@latinenglishfandomblog @fandommaniacx​​​​​ @purgatoan @capsofwinchesters​​​​  @deansbaekaz2y5 @danijimenezv​​​​​ @jayankles​​​​​  @fuckingpisces​​​​ @mskitty416​​​​  @starswirlblitz​​​​ @sam-w​​​ @doro7winchester​​​​ @silver-and-green​​​​​  @sydneymarie101195​​​​​ @smoothdogsgirl​​​​   @ivvitm1109​​​​ @hobby27​​​​​ @typicalweirdbookworm​​​​​  @thisismysecrethappyplace​

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Visual Novel Review – The Expression Amrilato

I adore any work that tries to do something different with yuri, and visual novels are perhaps the medium pushing boundaries most when it comes to traditional yuri storytelling. I recently played such a visual novel, Mangagamer’s English adaptation of SukeraSparo’s The Expression Amrilato. The Expression Amrilato is an educational yuri game, focusing on teaching the player the international language of Esperanto, or Juliamo as it is known in the game’s world. The game was developed in collaboration with The Japanese Esperanto Institute and I was thoroughly excited to not only experience a cute yuri adventure but to learn something new!

The story begins when the protagonist, Rin, is transported to a mysterious parallel world. It is almost identical to her own with the only obvious differences being the language spoken and the eternally pink sky. Lost and scared, Rin frantically tries to figure out what is going on to no avail. Fortunately, she is saved by a younger girl, Ruka, who speaks a smattering of the Japanese familiar to Rin.

Soon Rin is registered as a vizitanto (the Esperanto term for visitor), a person who traveled to the world from another. Ruka, who again, is three years her junior, is established as her guardian, a dynamic Rin is somewhat embarrassed by. The two girls begin living together in Ruka’s apartment as Rin learns the basics of Juliamo. She is assisted in this endeavor by Ruka and the helpful, if somewhat mischievous, librarian, Rei.

These three women, Rin, Ruka, and Rei, are the main cast of the visual novel. By focusing on such a small cast SukeraSparo was able to give each of them a distinct personality, complexity, and intricate relationships with each other. As previously mentioned, Rei is mischievous and often pokes fun at Rin and Ruka. However, she is incredibly protective of both of them, giving advice and acting as a sort of parent to the two younger girls. This dichotomy of character works surprisingly well, especially later in the game as she reveals more about the world and her past.

Rei is excellent but the highlight of the game is Ruka and Rin. Rin is a superb protagonist. She often thinks and narrates inwardly, giving us insight into her feelings. She describes herself as pretty unremarkable but is determined to be good at one thing, learning Juliamo. She also constantly ponders and overthinks her relationship with Ruka, an incredibly complicated topic. Ruka, however, is much more quietly confident and reserve (as well as adorable). Although the younger girl is prone to pouting and frustration at Rin’s occasional stupidity. But, their relationship is the real highlight of the game. 

Rin is “freeloading” off Ruka, and as Ruka is her guardian and teacher she is subservient. However, these tables are turned at times as Rin helps to teach Ruka more Japanese. Rin is also attracted to Ruka but she often blunders attempts to navigate or explain her feelings. The main boundary here is their language difference, which compels both Rin and the player to do their best learning Juliamo.

Rei acts as Rin’s primary resource for learning about the world she has wandered into. There is a surprising amount and world-building in The Expression Amrilato, particularly around the mechanics of how vizitanto come to the world and how governments support them. The established systems for how these vizitanto exist and assimilate, or not, into the world are fascinating and incredibly well thought out. This detailed setting creates an excellent framework for both the game’s education aspects and the core romance.

Overall, the romantic plot between Rin and Ruka is nothing new, it is the same “girl meets girl, girls likes girl, they get together” plot that has been told and retold countless times in the genre. This is not to say the romance is not enjoyable. Rin’s embarrassment and fumbling attempts to control her feelings for Ruka are simultaneously adorable and hilarious. The game has some fun with cliche moments like Rin falling into Ruka and them ending in a compromised position but also has some excellent human moments between the two, such as Ruka sleeping next to Rin to comfort her. The visual novel is decently tame with a little bit of suggestive description and one non-nude bathing scene early on. The lack of service feels appropriate and the characters are still able to hold their own romantic and sexual identities, a welcome accomplishment in the yuri genre which often spends too much time focusing on girls freaking out that they like other girls.

Choices exist in the game, primarily around using the Juliamo language. However, the romance and Rin’s fate ends in one of three ways, good, neutral, or bad, according to late game choices. I strongly disliked the choices as, for the most part, they have no clear indicator of where they are going, turning the story into guesswork, which was indeed my process to find all three endings, replaying the last section over and over again. Furthermore, on some routes, the choices that most players will want to make can lock them out of the best ending. I also was baffled by the choice to not have the player’s aptitude with Juliamo factor into the ending, as you can fail every quiz and get every dialogue option wrong and this will not affect the endings at all. Fortunately, the choices that do affect the ending are late in the game, so backtracking to find your desired outcome is possible. 

The character designs and artwork are by Naruse Chisato, and she does a fantastic job. Each of the major characters looks are distinctive, with differing heights, body types, fashion sense, and proportions. I particularly enjoyed the varying outfits on Ruka and her facial expressions (especially when pouting). However, the characters often have a stiff cardboard feel to them, as they have very few poses and clash somewhat against the depth of the backgrounds. Additionally, some of the expressions, particularly on Rei, appear warped and unnatural.

The backgrounds and CG artwork, the latter of which are plentiful, are wonderful. They have a soft pastel look without ever being washed out, and the characters here appear much more at home in their environments and more animated, with cutouts frequently appearing in CGs to show action. Different art assets used in the educational scenes such as flashcards or writing on a chalkboard are excellent editions. Unfortunately, as the story takes place primarily in Ruka’s apartment and the library, the player will quickly become bored by these backgrounds and long for a change of scenery.

The voice talent matches the artwork in its high quality. This is particularly important in this game, as listening to language pronunciation is vital. The actresses easily switch between Esperanto and Japanese in a natural-sounding way. Great praise must be given to voice actresses for Rin and Ruka, Nagatsuma Juri and Uchida Shuu respectively, who convincingly stuttering and struggling over the languages their characters are learning while still being comprehensible.

Sadly, I found the soundtrack to be severely lacking. The game opens with an intro song, accompanied by animation, which was nice for a listen or two but I quickly grew tired of it. This is the most praise I have to offer the music. Most of the tracks are boring at best and at worst grate on the ears with discordant and irritating sounds. If I had not been playing the game to review it I would have disabled music after the first hour.

Finally, I cannot conclude my review of The Expression Amrilato without talking about the educational aspects and value of the game. For those of you who may not have known or have forgotten, when I am not writting about gay anime I am a teacher and spend a great deal of time studying pedagogy. Educational software can be an amazing tool for teaching, as it offers three key benefits, feedback, increased engagement, and interactivity. Using these criteria and just some of the knowledge I have gained from spending my entire life in school, although not always as a student, I examined how The Expression Amrilato teaches Esperanto.

The language is primarily taught through quiz-based learning. There are seven lessons which build on each other and the player then answers questions on. I was surprised by the variety in these quizzes, as they are not always just spouting the vocabulary word to name an object but can involve sentence and grammatical construction as well. Some of them are quite creative, such as when learning the parts of the body the player clicks on Ruka to identify the word she gives. These quizzes can be accessed independently after playing through them via the main menu and there is a Juliamo dictionary, although this is unlocked much later in the game than I would have liked.

Outside of the quizzes, new vocabulary and grammatical rules are often given and old ones reviewed, which appear as little pop-in at the side of the screen that gives pronunciation and spelling. Some gameplay sections of the visual novel have Rin complete actions that review previous lessons, such as going out shopping and needing to name the foods she buys. I enjoyed these sections in particular, as they felt more compelling to me than the quizzes ever did.

Given the criteria for education software, The Expression Amrilato does an okay but not amazing job. It does offer instant feedback, telling the player if they got a question wrong and giving them the correct answer, and has limited interactivity. However, on this front, I cannot help but wonder if the medium is holding the game back. The player never has many complicated choices or questions, and cannot write in answers or construct sentences. Instead, the quizzes and story sections are limited almost exclusively to multiple-choice selection. Engagement is probably where the game shines most, as it has a deep story and amazing art to compliment the learning.

The Expression Amrilato is a unique and enjoyable experience. The story has surprising depth, although it did little to break out of genre tropes. The game’s artwork is stupendous, giving both quality designs and backgrounds and a plethora of great CGs. The yuri romance is reliably cute and serves as a fun framework for learning Esperanto. While not pedagogically perfect, you will get out of the game what you put into it and, with a bit of work, you should walk away with some basics of the language and a big smile from those animated lesbians. 

Ratings: Story – 7 Characters – 8 Art – 9 Voice – 7 Music – 2 Education – 5 LGBTQ – 5 Lewdness – 2 Final – 7

Review copy provided by MangaGamer

You can purchase The Expression Amrilato from Steam, Mangagamer’s website, and other digital storefronts.

Mangagamer is offering free review copies to any and all educational institutes that endorse Esperanto learning.

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Brooke Lewis Bellas

Brooke Lewis Bellas can currently be seen in the film The Mourning. She also brought her talent to the role of Pam Deluca in the comedy ½ New Year, about a tight-knit group of friends letting loose at their annual Half New Year Party. Brooke is a veteran of the horror genre and is returning to those roots with a role in the upcoming zombie film set in 1950’s Hollywood, The Day of The Living Dead. Her other film credits include the critically-acclaimed films Psycho Therapy, iMurders, and Sinatra Club, opposite Danny Nucci. Brooke’s TV credits include Fox’s Quintuplets. She will next be seen in the steaming series Red Rooms, which she also produced. Alongside her acting work, Brooke is a life coach and author of Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess, is a Celebrity Ambassador for the Breaking The Chains Foundation, participates in LA Mission Feed The Homeless, and is a staunch LGBTQ and AIDS Activist.

You have worked extensively in the horror genre—what is it that draws you to that particular genre?

I have always embraced my inner detective and have loved solving mysteries. No wonder I have been a huge fan of Alfred Hitchcock and Brian De Palma most of my life! I was also obsessed with vampires as a young girl and loved the ‘80s horror films when I was growing up. I have always been drawn to the darkness, unknown, mystery and escapism that horror offers. I also love how the horror genre embraces women of all body types (and curves) and offers strong roles for women!

If you could, is there anything that you would want to change about the horror genre?

If I could change anything about the horror genre, it would be the mainstream and public perception. Horror is often perceived as B-movie quality, evil, cultish, or less respectful than comedy or other genres, and that can be a false perception. There are many mainstream movies that we have all loved throughout the history of cinema and these are the type of horror genre films that I grew up watching. I have never been a fan of gratuitous horror and I could reference my favorites, from Alfred Hitchcock to Agatha Christie to Stephen King to Brian De Palma to the current thrillers and mainstream entertainment brought to us by Blumhouse or Jordan Peele, that are timeless. I wish people would understand how smart some of these screenplays are, the subtext of the stories being told. I wish the judgment and stigma of a lot of horror would be removed.

What would you say makes for a good scene partner?

I have been fortunate to act opposite some veteran greats and brilliantly talented actors, and I would, humbly, say that the most important components that make for a good scene partner are generosity, vulnerability, and openness—a partnership in which we listen and support each other. I have worked for over 20 years as an actress in this crazy industry, and there is little I have not experienced. I cannot say that working opposite the most “talented” or trained actors have necessarily been the best scene partner experiences for me. But working opposite generous actors who give and who support you, as you do for them, and you become like a well-oiled machine where the parts work better together...those actors who want you to succeed, who want to bring out the best in you, and you and them, a give and take—that is when movie magic is created!

1/2 New Year is a comedy, so can you tell us what drew you to the project? Can you tell us a little bit about the role of Pam?

½ New Year is an indie film with heart about a group of young people in their 20s who come to Hollywood, not necessarily for the entertainment industry but to live the life…live their best life…live their dreams…live that excitement that we all grow up seeing in movies, and yet, it is not always that simple. And, it is not always that glamorous or fun. We see how these relationships and people are glued together. I think the tagline sums it up best: "Friends are the family you get to choose." So, it is about a group of friends that go through the ups and downs of young life in Hollywood, and they learn that all you really have is love and friendship. I play Pam DeLuca, the big sister of Reed DeLuca (Drew McAnany). The film displays how sometimes we have family out here that is far away from our biological family, and it is what we go through, and the support we need to get from the worst of times to the best of times. It is very 80’s throwback and I think that's what I love so much about it. I met our star, writer, and producer, Drew McAnany, in Hollywood over ten years ago. Drew originally started out hosting in LA, and he was working at E! Entertainment when he interviewed me on the red carpet. He asked me about Philly, and we quickly bonded during that meeting, so he really became like a little brother to me. Like so many young actors in Hollywood, Drew was fighting to get a break for himself as an actor, so he created ½ New Year as a vehicle for himself to star in. He also wrote the role of his big sister, Pam DeLuca (from Philly), for me to act in. We had worked through a few years of table reads and different directors and producers, then Georgia Menides jumped on board, did the re-write on the script, then became the producer who made it happen. Along with producer Zach Block, they hired Tom Morash as our director to creatively guide this project.

I am honored and grateful to have had Pam DeLuca written specifically for me. I think that is something every actor and actress wants in their career. Pam is in her 30’s, and a bit older than her brother Reed and his friends. They are Italian from South Philly, so they argue, but are very close. Pam is part of the gang, but she is like the "mother hen" to them. Her journey is about protecting her brother and giving guiding advice to the girls they hang out with, including the gorgeous leads, played by Bo Youngblood, Shanley Caswell, and Rebecca Vinagro. She also likes to have flings with Reed's young, handsome buddies, including Marty (played by Jermain Alverez Martin). Pam is an on-screen example of what we go through in "Hollywood life”: She is single and all about her career, she loves to party and doesn't want to grow up! The film released in the USA on all TV On Demand and has just been released on Amazon Prime and Tubi TV.

What’s the funniest/weirdest thing that’s ever happened to you on a film?

Oh, I have had many! I truly feel that being an actor and producer in the independent film world involves a whole other level of funny and weird experiences! When you do not have big budgets to deal with, you have to get creative in other ways. So, one funny story that I would love to share was my experience of being one of the producers on a film titled Sinatra Club, that I was fortunate to get to act in, opposite Danny Nucci from Titanic, Jason Gedrick from Iron Eagle, Ellen Hollman from Spartacus, Michael Nouri from Flashdance, and the list goes on and on, with an incredible cast of talent we assembled. And, what was so cool was I found the script in 2004, we filmed in 2009, and it was distributed in 2011, so it was a very long and challenging development period for an indie project, but one of the wildest memories I have was the fact that the story is based on a true story about the night John Gotti became John Gotti, so for all of the mobster history and movie buffs who are reading this, I was so fortunate to be a part of history in the making with this film. This film is based on Sal ‘Ubatz’ Polisi who went into the witness protection program for releasing information on John Gotti and his crew, and when he came out of the witness protection he wrote the story of his life in the Mafia. It was so wild to work on a project for so many years where we would literally meet at 10 o’clock, 11 o’clock, 12 o’clock at night in privacy and secrecy at the Sportsmen’s Lodge in Studio City, California, in hotel suites and we would hold our production meetings there!

You actively support many varied causes, how did you get involved in activism?

I was born with a philanthropist's heart and have always been a supporter of giving back in whatever way we can. I was spearheading events in college to run around Philadelphia and feed the homeless with my sorority sisters. Now, I am so grateful to have whatever little “celebrity” status or recognition I have that can help make a difference. I feel blessed and responsible to give back through my artistic endeavors and through my work. I am a believer in activism and I typically work with numerous charities at a time. I am a celebrity ambassador for the Breaking the Chains Foundation that cultivates healing through art for those who have experienced eating disorders, self-esteem issues, and body image issues. I am active in charity work with the Los Angeles Mission on Skid Row and helping to feed the homeless. I have been active in several Breast Cancer charities and events, as I have lost people whom I loved to breast cancer over the years. I have also been active in quite a few charities and philanthropies to support AIDS research. I authored and have donated my book, titled Ms. Vampy’s Teen Tawk: There’s A Lotta Power In Ya Choices, to support teen girls. And, in giving back to the world, I find that it brings so much fulfillment and gratitude to my own heart.

What does your allyship mean to you?

My allyship means everything to me, both personally and professionally. My empathic heart has always been wired to help others. I do not perceive myself as a person with power or fame, but I am incredibly grateful that I have been afforded the opportunities throughout my career to give back, to take a stand, and to help those who have been marginalized in some way. I am a proud philanthropist and activist, and I feel it is my duty to serve. Throughout my life, I have often felt misunderstood or that I did not belong, and I have dealt with my own challenges and struggles, so I am known to “fight for the underdog” and support those in need.

You are a certified life coach, what’s the best advice you have ever received, and, in your opinion, the best advice you’ve ever given to somebody?

As an actress and life coach, I am a huge proponent of having a strong support system of professionals in my stable. I feel that all creatives and health professionals should have their own support system and professionals to turn to. At the end of the day, I have received such incredible advice from my professionals—my life coach of many years, Lori Bertazzon, and my actress empowerment coach, Michelle Colt. One of my favorite pieces of advice that Lori Bertazzon has given me occurred a few years back when she supported me in creating my own set of personal commandments at the beginning of the year. These are commandments that I consistently refer back to, that help to empower me and help to create breakthroughs when I am having breakdowns in my life or career. Michelle Colt has also given me unbelievable advice and support in her workshops to strengthen my soul as an actress, and I have to reference a recent funny one because I love it so, and she knows me so well: our mantra, “No more shenanigans!”. It is something that I hold near and dear to my heart daily. 

Humbly, I think the best advice I have given over the years was born from my Ms. Vampy web series for teen girls, where I created a catchphrase that I cherish: “When faced with fear, dig deep inside, find your inner Vamp, and… Vamp It Out!”. To this day, my now-adult cast will send me messages that they used this catchphrase. I use it as an adult (you do not have to be a teenage girl to appreciate it) and when I am fearful or trying to have a breakthrough, I dig deep inside and I Vamp It Out! My other favorite catchphrase advice was so powerful for me, I actually named my life coaching business after it: “Be You… And, Be Fearless!” 

Has your training as a life coach ever helped you to prepare for a role/project? How?

I really love this question, because one may think that different careers or skill sets cannot help the other, but I have found that my training as a board-certified life coach has helped me tremendously to prepare for a role or project in a few ways. First, I am now very mindful and aware of the “mind chatter” and I am more able to catch myself in it. When I enter a space of fear or anxiety, I am able to coach myself off the ledge. Even more compelling, is that when I went to school at the Life Purpose Institute to become a board-certified life coach, I learned early on that a very important component of life coaching is “listening without an agenda”. This has helped me exponentially as an actress, because when you are acting and you're truly in the moment, you need to be listening without an agenda, as well. A true response should come from your instincts and that is so wild to me because now I am able to catch myself when I am preparing for a project and I am anticipating what the character will say to me next, and I can catch myself listening with an agenda of what they will say, and I know that I'm not in the moment as an actress.

How can mental well-being and self-care help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship?

I cannot stress enough how strongly I believe that mental well-being and self-care can help to sustain activism/advocacy/allyship and our own personal strength—mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I actually speak about this in my book Coaching From A Professed Hot Mess: “When you give to yourself and allow yourself to replenish, you have so much more to give to others and will feel so much stronger inside.” I am still working on this, diligently, but when we learn to take care of ourselves and focus on our mental, spiritual, and emotional strength, we understand what it means to feel and give from our hearts. We become inspired to give back and to support people, causes, and have a passion, purpose, and mission, outside of ourselves.

What can you tell us about your latest projects The Second Age of Aquarius, Stripped, The Mourning, and Red Rooms?

At a time when the world is upside down and we do not really know where our next jobs will come from, I feel very blessed that I had acted in, and produced, a few projects that wrapped prior to COVID-19. My Psycho Therapy (Amazon Prime) film director, Staci Layne Wilson, wrote a film with Darren Gordon Smith (Repo! The Genetic Opera). Those two are so crazy talented. It is a fun indie gem. I don’t want to give any spoilers, but it’s The Second Age of Aquarius. It is a comedy, with a little bit of a Sci-Fi twist and a lot of music. It’s really sweet and clever. I’m an Executive Producer and I act in it. I play Tawny Stevens. She’s a young mom, stuck in the eighties, as an eighties, New Jersey, rocker mom. Wait until you see my hair, my make-up, and my leopard pants. I did the Jersey accent. I can’t wait for the film to come out! We also wrapped a TV pilot Stripped. It is a Comedy/Drama. It is a TV pilot that was written and directed by Marc Clebanoff, who also directed the film The Mourning, which stars Michael Walton, Louis Mandylor, Dominique Swain, and Larry Hankin. I was both an actress and a co-producer. The Mourning is a cool Sci-Fi/Love Story that just released on the new Tubi TV streaming channel. Stripped was a passion project. I was also one of the producers with Marc and Frank Krueger (also stars in it). I played Jules, the publicist to the star, Chris Cameron, played by Casper Van Dien. It was created by Mark Clebanoff and late actor, Kristoff St. John. They had created the concept before he passed on, which is such a sad situation, but Marc wanted to carry on his legacy, and he did, and we did. It is such an incredible cast, and series, we are all proud of. Lastly, at the start of COVID-19, my creative instinct kicked in and I knew I had to create to stay somewhat “sane”, so I spent most of the quarantine producing and filming a virtual streaming series. Red Rooms was conceived and completed out of “isolation inspiration”! Joshua Butler and I had been in development on a project and had been reminiscing about our favorite industry days of yesteryear when we met on the horror film circuit. I had already been a superfan of Joshua’s work for years. In 2019, we shot a proof of concept for our project, which paid homage to his hugely successful film VLOG (2008) from the producers of SAW, which went on to become a hit TV series. When COVID-19 hit Hollywood and we were all in isolation, I called for a production meeting, then suggested we use the footage we shot and attempt to experiment by filming each character virtually from their homes. Red Rooms stars horror film and TV veterans Brooke Lewis Bellas (iMurders), David Alpay (The Vampire Diaries), Suze Lanier-Bramlett (The Hills Have Eyes), Ricky Dean Logan (Freddy’s Dead: The Final Nightmare), and Noah Blake (Teen Witch). We are currently working on post-production and cannot wait to see where we end up!

Thanks for taking the time, Brooke! 

Photographer: Birdie Thompson | Hair and Makeup: Allison Noelle

[oh-great-authoress]

Tag Game!!!!!

Thank you, @the-coruscanti-blogger, for tagging me!

Okay, here we go!!

Name: Nadia of oh-great-authoress!

Gender: Female.

Star Sign: Like @the-coruscanti-blogger said, this is technically against my religion, but I do know that I am a Virgo.

Height: Over 5 feet, I can’t remember the exact number.

Sexuality: Straight.

Favorite Book: Uhh, difficult question. How about top three?

“The Lord of the Rings” by J. R. R. Tolkien (In my opinion it counts as one book. Yes, I know I’m technically cheating.)

“Washington's Spies: The Story of America's First Spy Ring” by Alexander Rose (They even made a tv series based on the events in this book called Turn: Washington’s Spies!) [Yes, I am a history nerd. :)]

“Niamh and the Hermit” by Emily C. A. Snyder (This book is a hidden treasure. It’s an adventure/epic quest/love story that is just… *chef’s kiss* perfection. It’s along the lines of LotR, so if you like that, you’ll probably love this.)

Current Time: Uhh, unholily late, or unholily early, depending on your outlook.

Average Amount of Sleep: Outside of quarantine, it varies from 8+ to 0, depending on the day.

Dogs or Cats: Both. Both is good.

# of Blankets You Sleep With: One thick one in colder weather, and two thin ones in warmer weather. I know it’s weird I use more when it’s warm, but it works for me.

Dream Job: World Domination. Hahaha, I’m joking. Or am I?…

Favorite Animal: Foxes. Look at the YouTube channel SaveAFox. You’ll thank me later. Go.

Blog Established: January of 2020!

# of Followers: As of when I post this, 31!

Reason for URL: I hang around music nerds, and I am a bit… okay, I’m a music nerd. It’s a sort of oblique reference to a Gilbert and Sullivan song called “Minerva! Oh, Hear Me!” It’s a warping of one of the lyrics, which says, “Oh, goddess wise” I couldn’t remember the actual lyric, (I forgot google existed) and in my memory, I changed it to “Oh, great goddess”, which sounded right. Again, I forgot google existed. And I have a dramatic streak a mile wide. (Or a couple of miles wide, depends on who you ask) In addition, I like to write, a lot, (I also hate it a lot sometimes) so that turned into @oh-great-authoress!

Something I’m Grateful For: My faith, my amazing and wonderful parents, my grandparents, my and my family’s health and life, my friends irl and on tumblr, sunrises, music, my interests and fandoms, tumblr, and all the amazing people I’ve met here.

Followers I’m Tagging: @megsann13, @batmantaking-hobbits2gallifrey, @ruinofsilver, @fromsolowithlove, @rainmakesyouwhole, @demichrising, @cptdorkery, @lynntheninja, @loveandmusic67, @magic-and-the-macabre, and @lenacs!

Questions I’m Adding (Feel free to ignore my added questions)

Favorite Pairings

Favorite Season

Favorite Color(s)

Favorite Actresses and Actors

My Answers to My Own Questions

Question 1.

Favorite Pairings

Reylo — Ben Solo/Rey — Star Wars (I don’t need to say any more about this.)

Gingerflower — Armitage Hux/Rose Tico — Star Wars (Okay, guys, guys, guys, hear me out, okay? Please don’t come @ me. I got sucked into this via Reylo Modern AU fanfics, and I went down a rabbit hole. From there, I read some canon-divergent fic, and it got me thinking. I mean TRoS didn’t even obliquely mention Finn/Rose, so, I thought, why the kriff not. Why shouldn’t Rose “Save What We Love” Tico get a romance/definitively happy ending via fanfic. We already had one Enemies-to Lovers pairing in the Sequel Trilogy, what’s one more? And when you add in Hux’s “I’m the Spy!”? This kinda writes itself. Resistance Spy-Master Rose Tico? Why not. Plus, that deleted scene from TLJ did kind of open this whole thing up.)

Farawyn — Faramir/Eowyn — LotR (If you haven’t read the books or watched the Extended Editions of the films, Faramir and Eowyn end up together, which is why they’re standing next to each other in the Theatrical Edition of RotK, at the end. In the books, they have practically an entire chapter dedicated to them and their romance. And boy, does Faramir have game.)

Fitzwilliam Darcy/Elizabeth Bennet — Pride & Prejudice (I also don’t need to say any more about this.)

Col. Brandon/Marianne Dashwood — Sense & Sensibility (Watch the 1995 adaptation and tell me this is not pairing gold.)

Mary/Matthew — Downton Abbey (Yes, the Season 3 finale broke my heart, thank you.)

Dramione — Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger — Harry Potter (Again, please don’t come @ me, this pairing is basically Reylo in a Harry Potter AU.)

Bathena — Bobby Nash/Athena Grant — 911 (Yes, I do watch this. I actually didn’t see this coming. My Mom saw it coming before I did. But once it happened, I was like, oh yeah, this is my jam.)

Ventrobi — Obi-Wan Kenobi/Asajj Ventress — Star Wars (Okay, yes, I am a sucker for Enemies-to Lovers, okay? And this is Enemies-to-Lovers gold, alright?

Christopher Pike/Number One (Una) — Star Trek (Got into this ship via fanfic, but Discovery/Short Treks well and truly cemented this for me.)

Question 2.

Favorite Season

Fall. Without question. The weather becomes temperate, and in early fall you still get the pretty flowers of summer, but with cooler weather, and in full-out-fall, you get to wear pretty sweaters and boots and scarves, and you get the trees changing color.

Question 3.

Favorite Color(s)

Pink

Teal

Green

Blue

Purple

Question 4.

Favorite Actresses and Actors

Adam Driver (Guys. Come on.)

Daisy Ridley (Guys. Come on.)

Domnhall Gleeson (I liked him even before he was General Hux, guys, he was great in a movie called “About Time” and “Goodbye Christopher Robin”.)

Kelly Marie Tran (She was amazing as Rose, I still feel bad she didn’t get more screen time, especially after what happened to her after TLJ.)

Ewan McGregor (Um, he’s Obi-Flipping-Wan Kenobi.)

Letitia Wright (She was great as Shuri in “Black Panther”.)

Danai Gurira (She was Awesome as General Okoye in “Black Panther. Note the capital A.)

Colin Firth (P&P ‘95 and The King’s Speech. That’s all I have to say.)

Alan Rickman (S&S ‘95 + Harry Potter + Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. Amazing performances. I mean, truly amazing. Nuanced, and just plain hilarious in the case of Robin Hood. His performance as Col. Brandon just pulls at the heartstrings with every single expression in his eyes, and no matter how you feel about Severus Snape, you cannot deny that Alan, God rest his soul, played him brilliantly.)

Hayden Christensen (He was The Chosen One.)

Bruce Greenwood (His portrayal of Captain Pike in Star Trek: 2009 was the reason I wrote and actually finished a fic.)

Anson Mount (His portrayal of Captain Pike in Star Trek: Discovery was the reason I wrote and actually finished more fic.)

And that’s it! I hope I have not ticked off anyone. If I have, I apologize for the ticking off, but not my opinions. I hope you can respect them, or at least ignore them.

Stay Well, People!

[winterisakiller]

Get Better - Chapter Two

Title: Get Better

Chapter: 2/18

Character: Tom Hiddleston/Cath Richardson (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Love. Companionship. Family. These are all of the things Tom Hiddleston desperately wanted. But his life and his choices left that a distant and unlikely prospect. So he did his best to move on and live his life as is. When an opportunity to return to the theater arises, he jumps at the chance and along the way finds that maybe, just maybe, those distant and unlikely prospects are closer than he could have imagined. Sequel to Brave Face.

Authors Notes/Warnings: So as I was writing Brave Face I knew that Tom’s story wasn’t over, even if that particular part of it was. And while I knew, more or less, what the overall ending to the story would be, its taken me a while to figure out the time in between. Thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for letting me continually throw ideas off and at you. I still can’t fathom why you put up with it, but I am eternally grateful you do. This story will update on Thursdays.

Tag list: @tinchentitri @theheartofpenelope @nonsensicalobsessions @blacksuitofdoom @noplacelikehome77 @messy-insomniac-bookgirl @wolfsmom1 @just-the-hiddles @theoneanna

Previous Chapter

CHAPTER TWO

 The heat of August gradually cooled into early September. It was with a twinge of nostalgia that Tom found himself sitting around with Joanna Hogg, Mary Roscoe, and Kathryn Worth discussing Unrelated. It had been his first film and therefore quite the learning experience. But one that he remembered fondly. Later that same week he’d found himself on a red carpet and then on a stage presenting an award to a man he’d first seen on a big screen in a film he adored, and feared, as a young boy. The same man he later had the pleasure of working with in another film in Australia of all places. Funny thing time, he thought smiling as he stood beside Jeff Goldblum, chatting about life and film and the world. It still brought him up short the chances and opportunities he’d been blessed with in his career. Funny, sometimes painful, but wonderful all the same.

 And now he found himself once again waiting on the side of another stage, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He chatted amicably with his fellow actors and readers, waiting for the signal from the now closed double doors. He could clearly hear the excited murmurings of the crowded auditorium and felt the familiar nervous energy bubbling in his gut. It was the same feeling he got anytime he’d prepared to walk onto a stage or a set. It was an old friend at this juncture and one he both missed and dreaded.

 When he’d been approached with this project two months back, he had all but jumped at the chance. Getting not only to read but debate with fellow actors and writers over literature he’d loved for years, to be able to perform and share that love with others. It would a nice testing of the waters, so to speak. He hadn’t been on stage in a performer sense in over a year, and hadn’t done something of this nature since school. It had seemed like an interesting challenge and one he couldn’t see turning down. Rehearsals had been full of laughter and amusement.

 Tom was sharing the stage with several talented actors; amongst them an actress in talks to join him in the Pinter production he was very much looking forward to in the New Year. Zawe Ashton was her name and while he’d seen bits and pieces of her work in the past, she was not someone he’d had the pleasure of working with beforehand. He found her funny and a delight to play off of. She had a wicked sense of humor that went very much along the lines of his own. And what was best was she hadn’t seemed to give a toss who he was. Yes, she’d known his name and was familiar with his work, but none of that seemed to matter to her. He could very easily see them getting along quite well during a grueling show run. If things went well tonight and the following week at the gala, then schedule permitting she would be a shoe-in for the role of Emma.

 Beyond the doors, a hush fell over the crowd and he could see the lights begin to dim. Not long now. He could feel the tension and excitement running through their small group as the talked and laughed amongst themselves.

 “Alright, places,” the woman manning the door called. Tom took a deep breath and walked through the doors and onto to the stage.  

 The debate itself seemed to fly by and Tom found that he had enjoyed himself immensely. His competitive nature was certainly getting its chance to shine and he was absolutely delighted when his team, the correct team as far as he’d been concerned, won. They’d taken their respective bows and headed off stage in ones and twos. “That was absolutely fantastic,” Zawe breathed, smiling as she turned back to face Tom.

 “Oh completely. I haven’t had that much fun in longer than I care to admit.”

  Zawe laughed in earnest. “Same.”

 They were ushered around the auditorium and handed collection buckets before being let loose to collect as much money for charity as they could. Tom had smiled, laughed, and talked with as many people as he could; never fully able to turn off the ‘public Tom’ persona he’d worn for so many years now. It was him, in a way, but more like a perfectly sculpted mask. Something he could slip in and out of depending on the place and the company he kept. In the past he’d been more open, more playful and less guarded with how he spoke and acted, but time and experience had taught him to pull back. To keep a respectable distance between who he was and who he was expected to be. To still be warm and engaging, but to never cross that line. It had been a difficult lesson to learn.

 It was with a grateful sigh that Tom folded himself into the backseat of the black cab, leaning his head back against the seat rest. He watched with half lidded eyes as the brightly lit streets of London flitted past. He loved the city; loved its hustle and history. It was one of the main reasons he still lived in the converted terrace he’d owned for several years now when he could so easily have moved to California like so many others had before him. London held his heart in a way very few other places had.  

 He blinked in momentary confusion as the cab slowed to a stop. It took far longer than he cared to admit to realize that he was, in fact, home. With a warm smile, Tom paid his fare and lumbered slowly to the black gate surrounding his home. He absently entered the code, pushing the gate open and heading up the dimly lit walk to his door. From behind it, Tom could hear Bobby’s excited barking and smiled to himself. It wasn’t quite the welcome home he’d longed for, but it was nice to have someone waiting for him. He made quick work of the lock and slowly pushed the door open.

 The spaniel’s barking increased in pitch and volume, jumping and wagging his tail as if his life depended on it. Tom sighed and shook his head. “Alright you heathen, let’s get you outside.” More excited barking followed as Tom padded through the hallway and into the kitchen towards the back door into the garden. While Bobby rummaged around outside, Tom filled his food bowl and topped off his water bowl. “Come on now, food’s ready!” he called out the door to little effect.

 Tom let out a grunt of exasperation and headed out into the dimly lit back garden. Bobby was snuffling around the bushes at the far end of the garden, telltale small piles of dirt surrounding him. Tom grumbled under his breath and yelled for the dog again. Reluctantly, Bobby heeded his master’s call and trotted back up the yard and into the kitchen.

 “You, my friend, are very lucky indeed that I am as fond of you as I am.” Bobby raised his head from his supper bowl and gave Tom an astonished look before returning to his meal. Tom merely shook his head and headed back through the house and towards the stair case to the upper level and bed. He stripped mechanically, making a brief stop in the bathroom to wash his face and clean his teeth, before falling into bed.

 The next morning dawned bright and cool. Tom stretched his arms above his head, a jaw cracking yawn echoing through the sunlit room. Bobby, who had been curled up contentedly at the edge of the bed, raised his head. He’d tried, when the spaniel was younger, to keep him downstairs in his own crate overnight. It had lasted all of about the span of a week for the puppy’s pitiful cries to break Tom’s resolve and allow him into the bedroom. ‘Just for the night,’ he’d sworn. And now nearly a year later, it was quite clear Tom had lost that battle.

 With determination, Tom pushed himself up and out of the bed, padding down the stairs and into the kitchen, Bobby quick on his heels. He opened the back garden door and let the spaniel out, turning his attention towards the coffee press and feeding his much needed caffeine addiction. He set to work boiling his kettle and gathering the bag of coffee from the cabinet above the sink. Tom took great pleasure in setting about brewing his morning coffee, loving the way the strong, warm scent filled the kitchen.

 Once it had brewed he poured the steaming liquid into his mug; a green one with a chip in its lip, one that Amy had given him. The thought of her still stung, though the pain had lessened throughout the intervening years. He still missed the life they’d had…Still bitterly regretted the stupid and selfish choices he’d made that had broken them. But he had slowly begun to come to terms with them and, in turn, with himself. Little things still caught him off guard but he’d learned to accept them and to try to move on from them. It was a hard road but one he was beginning to believe he could navigate on his own.

 Coffee doctored to his liking, Tom headed out into the back garden. He lowered himself into one of the wooden patio chairs and watched Bobby run around like mad chasing squirrels. It was a wonder any still dared to enter the garden with how valiantly Bobby guarded his territory. That dog was a menace and Tom loved him dearly for it. Closing his eyes, he savored the warmth the bloomed inside him as he sipped the gently steaming mug in his hands. There were many things he could make do without, coffee was most definitely not among them. He took his time, enjoying the sun on his face and the slowly dwindling coffee in his mug. His stomach grumbled, reminding him that man could not survive on coffee alone.

 “Bobby!” He called, pushing himself to his feet. The spaniel, paused mid-bark and turned to face his master. “Come.” Tom laughed as the spaniel broke off into a mad dash towards the door, nearly knocking him off his feet. Apparently someone was wanting his breakfast as well. Once kibble was added to Bobby’s bowl, Tom turned his attention towards his own meal; a quick toast and egg would do. He’d glanced at the clock above the stove when he’d entered the kitchen and found it to be well after nine. He would need to get moving soon, especially if he wanted to get a decent run in before heading into town to meet Emma.

 Not bothering with a shower, after all what would be the point if he was just going to end up a sweating mess again, Tom changed into his running kit and slipped into his trainers. He thundered down the stairs and towards the front door, grabbing Bobby’s lead from the key hook. Bobby, sensing walkies were afoot, was standing at the front door and began to twirl in tight little circles as Tom approached. He laughed and hooked the lead to the spaniel’s collar before leading them both out the door and into the crisp, late morning air.

 Several circuits around the neighborhood and nearby park helped to clear his head and focus his mind. He loved running, loved being able to lose himself in the rhythm and peace of it. It was the one pastime he could do anywhere and had been a godsend on long and grueling shoots. Tom was, in fact, a sweating mess when he and Bobby pushed their way back inside the house. Unclipping Bobby, and patting him playfully on the back, Tom climbed the stairs two at a time, stripping his clothing as he went.

 He showered quickly, enjoying the feel of the steaming water on his protesting muscles, and padded back into his bedroom to dry and dress. A quick glance at clock on the bedside table told him it was half eleven. With a grunt, he pulled on a pair of jeans and his well-loved blue jumper, which he noted with a fair bit of disdain was starting to get a hole in one of its sleeves. He ran a quick comb through his damp hair and shoved his feet into the grey boots he’d had for nearly as long as he could remember.

 Another quick glance at the watch he’d fastened onto his left wrist as he pounded down the stairs told him he needed to leave, and quickly, if he had any hope of meeting Emma at the restaurant she’d chosen on time.

 “Shit,” he cursed at himself, ushering Bobby into the back room and his kennel.

 Things situated, Tom grabbed his wallet and keys from the hallway table and darted out the front door. He considered trying to cab it in, but all things being equal and knowing London traffic far too well, he dismissed the matter out of hand; the tube was often a great deal faster than the car.

 Forty minutes later, Tom dashed into the warmth of the fairly busy café; woolen coat open and breathing heavy. He’d made a mad dash from the underground station once the train had finally come to a stop. He was late and Emma was sure to give him hell about it. He scanned the room, finally resting on her strawberry blonde head at a table in the corner.

 She smiled up at him as he took the opened seat across from her, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “I’m dreadfully sorry. I lost track of time and…”

 Emma simply rolled her eyes and held up her hand. “Tom, the day you show up to a non-work event on time is the day I know the world’s ending.”

 “Oh ha ha,” he retorted, shaking his head. “I’m only what, ten minutes late?”

 She snorted, “Only…But I guess coming from you that is actually pretty decent. I was honestly expecting at least twenty minutes.”

 Tom looked up at her, affronted. True he did tend to run slightly behind if not harassed, but surely not that badly and with such consistency? “I am not that bad.”

 “My darling brother, unless you’ve got someone there to push and pester you, you are indeed that bad. Need I remind you of mum’s birthday last year…?” Emma quirked an eyebrow at her brother as if daring him to challenge her.

 He scoffed. “That was once time…”

 “And I can list at least a dozen others offhand, if you’d like. My wedding, Sarah’s wedding, last Christmas, the Christmas before…I could go on,” Emma countered. “But I don’t have all day. I left Jack minding Alice and while I love that husband of mine, our offspring has been cutting a new tooth and has frankly been crankier than you on a bad day.”

 Tom narrowed his eyes in mock annoyance. “Why are you always such a brat, Brat?”

 “Because someone needs to put you in your place, brother dear. And since I am here, I guess that leaves me.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief as they locked on Tom’s. “Lord knows you aren’t going to manage it yourself and Luke’s earned a break don’t you think?”

 The teasing volleyed back and forth throughout their meal. It had been a good while since he had done anything with his baby sister, save for larger family gatherings. She’d been busy between the chaos of new motherhood balanced with local and national theatre work and he’d been in and out of the country with promotional work. He smiled as he watched her talk, the way her face lit up as she told him about the latest thing his tiny niece had done or the mishap she’d had with a prop during a sold out performance. It was difficult to reconcile the grown woman before him with the bratty little sister she’d always been in his eyes, but it was wonderful all the same.

 “Oh,” Emma started, placing her half-drunk mug of coffee onto the table. “Have you talked with mum recently?”

 Tom shook his head, “Not in the last week or so? Has something happened?” He leaned forward, anxiety clearly painted across his features.

 “No. No, she’s fine. She’s just trying to get things sorted regarding Christmas.”

 “Christmas? It’s barely October,” he countered.

 “Which I tried telling her, but alas, she wants to get everyone together this year and with you and Sarah and your insane schedules, she figured starting sooner rather than later would make sense.”

 Tom laughed and shook his head. He loved his mother, loved her dearly, but she was a planner. Had been his entire life. And the holidays were her weakness. They had always attempted to gather for Christmas, with varying success; between Tom’s own insane schedule over the last several years and Sarah and her family living and working in India, it was rare to have all three Hiddleston siblings under one roof. And as inane as it sounded, Tom could see the sense in her trying to plan so far in advance.

 “…usual nonsense. And she is thinking of trying to have Amy and her family around on Boxing Day.”

 Tom blinked in confusion as Emma’s words sank in. “What now?”

 “Mum is talking about inviting Amy, Teddy, and their little one over for either lunch or dinner on Boxing Day.”

 His heart clenched at the mention of Amy and her husband but slowly relaxed as he let out a breath.

 “Is she now?”

 While he’d run into both Amy and her husband on several occasions since the wedding, the idea of spending time with them in his mother’s home felt…strange. Not as unbearable as it would have been even a year ago, but still strange. ‘And their little one.’ He’d known they’d been expecting, Emma had mentioned it months back, but hadn’t really let himself think on the matter. He was…happy for her, for them both, even if they idea set uneasily in his gut. And it wasn’t the idea that it should have been him, he’d long since come to terms with that, more so a longing. Something he’d felt when he looked at Sophie as she held either of her and Ben’s sons. Stupid and selfish, but very much real.

 Emma nodded. “Henry will be four months by then and mum is desperate to meet him.” She sighed, “You’d think she didn’t have any grandchildren of her own with the way she’s acting.”

 Tom shrugged. “You know mum, she always had a soft spot for Amy…”

 “That she did,” Emma echoed. “But still…The nerve of the woman.” They both chuckled at that. “So just be aware that she’s most likely going to call and pester you.”

 “I don’t doubt that for a single moment,” Tom laughed. “Has Sarah said if they were coming yet?”

 Emma took another sip of her coffee and nodded. “Yeah, they should be able to come. You are the wild card at the moment.”

 Tom stroked his beard with his free hand. “I should be able to come…As of now I don’t think I have anything that would make that impossible. The con in Phoenix isn’t until the new year…I’ll double check with Michael and Luke to make sure.”

 “I still cannot believe people pay actual money on purpose to meet my dork of a brother. Cannot wrap my head around it.”

 He chuckled, “It’s still strange for me, Em.”

 “I bet.” She paused and pulled her mobile from her purse, glancing at the screen. “And on that note, I have to run. It’s nearly three and I promised Jack I’d be home before four.” She reached for the bill their server had left on the edge of the table but Tom beat her to it, flashing her a warm smile.

 “My treat,” he said in way of explanation.

 Emma shot him a pointed glare, “You are a menace, you know that right?” She pushes her chair back and pulled on her coat.

 Tom chuckled, climbing to his feet himself and pulling his sister into a warm hug. “Give Alice a kiss for me and give Jack my best.” Nodding, she slipped her bag over her shoulder and headed for the door. Tom followed behind, pausing to pay the bill before venturing into the chill of the late afternoon and home.

 He spent much of the following week juggling the things he’d been putting off. He’d called and visited his mother; and she, as Emma had predicted, pestered him about his schedule around Christmas. He’d assured her, with back up from Luke, that he was indeed free and would most definitely be coming home this year. He’d also started sorting through his clothing and washing and packing for his trip to the states. He found himself both excited and wary for the trip. Conventions could be a thoroughly enjoyable experience; he’d had several wonderful ones and had enjoyed interacting with fans at the events. But just the same they could be draining and demanding. Sometimes it seemed, no matter what he did, it wasn’t enough. Tom hoped for the former this time around.

                                                             —

 The evening of the gala celebrating the life and work of Harold Pinter arrived far sooner than Tom had anticipated. He was excited and anxious and terrified all at once. He’d been so wrapped up in trying to organize his life and make sure he had his lines memorized, that when the driver rang the bell on his gate he’d stood staring in complete confusion for several seconds before realization dawned. God, feared he’d lose his head if it weren’t attached. Tom had been approached for the event shortly after talks began regarding his involvement in reviving Betrayal in the West End. He’d agreed almost immediately, looking forward to sharing the stage with several talented actors and testing out the material on stage before fully committing to the play. The nervous energy had run off him in waves as he’d darted upstairs and dressed quickly. Thankfully, Luke had seen to having his suit pressed and waiting in his closet. Tom dressed in a mad dash before heading back down stairs and out to the waiting car.

 It was half past five when Tom slid into the leather backseat, apologizing profusely for his tardiness. Luke would murder him if he were late. As the car started off, Tom pulled out his mobile, shooting his publicist a quick message that he was on his way. It most likely wasn’t necessary, but Tom knew Luke liked to be kept in the loop as much as possible. Shoving his mobile back into his pocket, he turned his attention back to the present. He made small talk with the driver as they moved along, chatting about the weather and later about the dismal amount of traffic they’d run into. They’d pulled aside the theatre half an hour later and once he’d climbed from the car, Tom was ushered inside and backstage. He chatted with Zawe and several other familiar faces as they waited for the theatre to fill and for the start of the evening.

 Things had been going rather well, in Tom’s humble opinion until he’d gone to grab his folder and managed to slice his thumb open. He’d stared, dumbfounded, at the welling blood before he was rushed towards the side of the room and quickly patched up. “Score one for my dumb luck,” he joked as he once again picked up his folder, this time taking much greater care. His scene with Zawe had gone off splendidly. They played well off each other and he looked forward to working more with her, providing she was willing and able to commit to the run.

 Bows taken, they were all rushed backstage and then quickly to their waiting cars to be driven to the Brasserie Zedel for the after party. Once arrived, Tom walked the short carpet and took his time talking with the various reporters encamped along it. He enjoyed talking about not only Harold Pinter and the fun he’d had that night but of theater and acting in general. He knew, without a doubt, that he was allowing his inner theatre and literature nerd run amuck, but couldn’t find it in him to care.  

 Tom mingled with the arriving guests. He caught sight of several familiar faces and did his best to talk with them all. As he allowed himself to scan the room once again, he found his eyes drawn to the short dark haired figure talking animatedly with Zawe. She was all of five foot nothing in her heels but commanded the attention of those around her as though she were much, much taller. Her dress was navy in color and came to mid-calf, clinging to her curves in ways that made Tom desperate to trace with his own hands. Her dark hair hung in a low, loose pony over one shoulder. She tossed her head back, laughing at something Zawe had said and the sound that echoed from her lips was captivating even from such a distance.

 Stealing himself, Tom made to start for the both of them, wanting nothing more than to know just who this tiny, vivacious woman was. He just managed to work his way through the densely packed room when the announcement was made for all to begin to filter their way into the restaurant proper. He cursed under his breath and allowed himself to be moved with the crowd inside. He’d found his table easily enough and was quickly pulled into conversation. He caught glimpses of the mystery woman throughout the night but never quite managed to catch up with her.

 He’d managed, however, to catch Zawe on her own and, despite feeling very much like a desperate twelve year-old, ask her about her earlier companion. Confusion flitted across Zawe’s features for a moment before understanding seemed to dawn. “Oh! That was Cath. She is a doll. Worked with her on a few projects a handful of years back.”

 “Is she an actress then?”

 Zawe shook her head, “Nah. She works behind the scenes; hair and make-up. Talented as hell, that woman is.” He tried then to arrange an introduction, ignoring the odd regency undertones such a thing invoked, but the woman, Cath, had been nowhere to be found.

 Tom sighed, just as well then. He did his best to let the disappointment flow off his back and made a few more circuits around the room, smiling and talking with various guests before calling it a night. He had a flight to catch in the morning (an international one at that which tended to be a headache at the best of times), and while he could sleep just about anywhere, he wanted to have at least one last good night’s rest in his own bed. Hotel beds, and airplane seats for the matter, were never quite as comfortable as his own bed. A few moments later, Tom stepped out into the brisk October evening air and climbed once more into the backseat. He closed his eyes, resting his head back against the seat and allowed the hum of the car’s engine to lull him into a state of almost sleep.

Next Chapter

[winterisakillerwrites]

Get Better - Chapter Two

Title: Get Better

Chapter: 2/18

Character: Tom Hiddleston/Cath Richardson (OFC)

Genre: Romance

Rating: Teen and up

Summary: Love. Companionship. Family. These are all of the things Tom Hiddleston desperately wanted. But his life and his choices left that a distant and unlikely prospect. So he did his best to move on and live his life as is. When an opportunity to return to the theater arises, he jumps at the chance and along the way finds that maybe, just maybe, those distant and unlikely prospects are closer than he could have imagined. Sequel to Brave Face.

Authors Notes/Warnings: So as I was writing Brave Face I knew that Tom’s story wasn’t over, even if that particular part of it was. And while I knew, more or less, what the overall ending to the story would be, its taken me a while to figure out the time in between. Thanks to @redfoxwritesstuff for letting me continually throw ideas off and at you. I still can’t fathom why you put up with it, but I am eternally grateful you do.

Previous

CHAPTER TWO

The heat of August gradually cooled into early September. It was with a twinge of nostalgia that Tom found himself sitting around with Joanna Hogg, Mary Roscoe, and Kathryn Worth discussing Unrelated. It had been his first film and therefore quite the learning experience. But one that he remembered fondly. Later that same week he’d found himself on a red carpet and then on a stage presenting an award to a man he’d first seen on a big screen in a film he adored, and feared, as a young boy. The same man he later had the pleasure of working with in another film in Australia of all places. Funny thing time, he thought smiling as he stood beside Jeff Goldblum, chatting about life and film and the world. It still brought him up short the chances and opportunities he’d been blessed with in his career. Funny, sometimes painful, but wonderful all the same.

And now he found himself once again waiting on the side of another stage, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He chatted amicably with his fellow actors and readers, waiting for the signal from the now closed double doors. He could clearly hear the excited murmurings of the crowded auditorium and felt the familiar nervous energy bubbling in his gut. It was the same feeling he got anytime he’d prepared to walk onto a stage or a set. It was an old friend at this juncture and one he both missed and dreaded.

When he’d been approached with this project two months back, he had all but jumped at the chance. Getting not only to read but debate with fellow actors and writers over literature he’d loved for years, to be able to perform and share that love with others. It would a nice testing of the waters, so to speak. He hadn’t been on stage in a performer sense in over a year, and hadn’t done something of this nature since school. It had seemed like an interesting challenge and one he couldn’t see turning down. Rehearsals had been full of laughter and amusement.

Tom was sharing the stage with several talented actors; amongst them an actress in talks to join him in the Pinter production he was very much looking forward to in the New Year. Zawe Ashton was her name and while he’d seen bits and pieces of her work in the past, she was not someone he’d had the pleasure of working with beforehand. He found her funny and a delight to play off of. She had a wicked sense of humor that went very much along the lines of his own. And what was best was she hadn’t seemed to give a toss who he was. Yes, she’d known his name and was familiar with his work, but none of that seemed to matter to her. He could very easily see them getting along quite well during a grueling show run. If things went well tonight and the following week at the gala, then schedule permitting she would be a shoe-in for the role of Emma.

Beyond the doors, a hush fell over the crowd and he could see the lights begin to dim. Not long now. He could feel the tension and excitement running through their small group as the talked and laughed amongst themselves.

“Alright, places,” the woman manning the door called. Tom took a deep breath and walked through the doors and onto to the stage.  

The debate itself seemed to fly by and Tom found that he had enjoyed himself immensely. His competitive nature was certainly getting its chance to shine and he was absolutely delighted when his team, the correct team as far as he’d been concerned, won. They’d taken their respective bows and headed off stage in ones and twos. “That was absolutely fantastic,” Zawe breathed, smiling as she turned back to face Tom.

“Oh completely. I haven’t had that much fun in longer than I care to admit.”

Zawe laughed in earnest. “Same.”

They were ushered around the auditorium and handed collection buckets before being let loose to collect as much money for charity as they could. Tom had smiled, laughed, and talked with as many people as he could; never fully able to turn off the ‘public Tom’ persona he’d worn for so many years now. It was him, in a way, but more like a perfectly sculpted mask. Something he could slip in and out of depending on the place and the company he kept. In the past he’d been more open, more playful and less guarded with how he spoke and acted, but time and experience had taught him to pull back. To keep a respectable distance between who he was and who he was expected to be. To still be warm and engaging, but to never cross that line. It had been a difficult lesson to learn.

It was with a grateful sigh that Tom folded himself into the backseat of the black cab, leaning his head back against the seat rest. He watched with half lidded eyes as the brightly lit streets of London flitted past. He loved the city; loved its hustle and history. It was one of the main reasons he still lived in the converted terrace he’d owned for several years now when he could so easily have moved to California like so many others had before him. London held his heart in a way very few other places had.  

He blinked in momentary confusion as the cab slowed to a stop. It took far longer than he cared to admit to realize that he was, in fact, home. With a warm smile, Tom paid his fare and lumbered slowly to the black gate surrounding his home. He absently entered the code, pushing the gate open and heading up the dimly lit walk to his door. From behind it, Tom could hear Bobby’s excited barking and smiled to himself. It wasn’t quite the welcome home he’d longed for, but it was nice to have someone waiting for him. He made quick work of the lock and slowly pushed the door open.

The spaniel’s barking increased in pitch and volume, jumping and wagging his tail as if his life depended on it. Tom sighed and shook his head. “Alright you heathen, let’s get you outside.” More excited barking followed as Tom padded through the hallway and into the kitchen towards the back door into the garden. While Bobby rummaged around outside, Tom filled his food bowl and topped off his water bowl. “Come on now, food’s ready!” he called out the door to little effect.

Tom let out a grunt of exasperation and headed out into the dimly lit back garden. Bobby was snuffling around the bushes at the far end of the garden, telltale small piles of dirt surrounding him. Tom grumbled under his breath and yelled for the dog again. Reluctantly, Bobby heeded his master’s call and trotted back up the yard and into the kitchen.

“You, my friend, are very lucky indeed that I am as fond of you as I am.” Bobby raised his head from his supper bowl and gave Tom an astonished look before returning to his meal. Tom merely shook his head and headed back through the house and towards the stair case to the upper level and bed. He stripped mechanically, making a brief stop in the bathroom to wash his face and clean his teeth, before falling into bed.

The next morning dawned bright and cool. Tom stretched his arms above his head, a jaw cracking yawn echoing through the sunlit room. Bobby, who had been curled up contentedly at the edge of the bed, raised his head. He’d tried, when the spaniel was younger, to keep him downstairs in his own crate overnight. It had lasted all of about the span of a week for the puppy’s pitiful cries to break Tom’s resolve and allow him into the bedroom. ‘Just for the night,’ he’d sworn. And now nearly a year later, it was quite clear Tom had lost that battle.

With determination, Tom pushed himself up and out of the bed, padding down the stairs and into the kitchen, Bobby quick on his heels. He opened the back garden door and let the spaniel out, turning his attention towards the coffee press and feeding his much needed caffeine addiction. He set to work boiling his kettle and gathering the bag of coffee from the cabinet above the sink. Tom took great pleasure in setting about brewing his morning coffee, loving the way the strong, warm scent filled the kitchen.

Once it had brewed he poured the steaming liquid into his mug; a green one with a chip in its lip, one that Amy had given him. The thought of her still stung, though the pain had lessened throughout the intervening years. He still missed the life they’d had…Still bitterly regretted the stupid and selfish choices he’d made that had broken them. But he had slowly begun to come to terms with them and, in turn, with himself. Little things still caught him off guard but he’d learned to accept them and to try to move on from them. It was a hard road but one he was beginning to believe he could navigate on his own.

Coffee doctored to his liking, Tom headed out into the back garden. He lowered himself into one of the wooden patio chairs and watched Bobby run around like mad chasing squirrels. It was a wonder any still dared to enter the garden with how valiantly Bobby guarded his territory. That dog was a menace and Tom loved him dearly for it. Closing his eyes, he savored the warmth the bloomed inside him as he sipped the gently steaming mug in his hands. There were many things he could make do without, coffee was most definitely not among them. He took his time, enjoying the sun on his face and the slowly dwindling coffee in his mug. His stomach grumbled, reminding him that man could not survive on coffee alone.

“Bobby!” He called, pushing himself to his feet. The spaniel, paused mid-bark and turned to face his master. “Come.” Tom laughed as the spaniel broke off into a mad dash towards the door, nearly knocking him off his feet. Apparently someone was wanting his breakfast as well. Once kibble was added to Bobby’s bowl, Tom turned his attention towards his own meal; a quick toast and egg would do. He’d glanced at the clock above the stove when he’d entered the kitchen and found it to be well after nine. He would need to get moving soon, especially if he wanted to get a decent run in before heading into town to meet Emma.

Not bothering with a shower, after all what would be the point if he was just going to end up a sweating mess again, Tom changed into his running kit and slipped into his trainers. He thundered down the stairs and towards the front door, grabbing Bobby’s lead from the key hook. Bobby, sensing walkies were afoot, was standing at the front door and began to twirl in tight little circles as Tom approached. He laughed and hooked the lead to the spaniel’s collar before leading them both out the door and into the crisp, late morning air.

Several circuits around the neighborhood and nearby park helped to clear his head and focus his mind. He loved running, loved being able to lose himself in the rhythm and peace of it. It was the one pastime he could do anywhere and had been a godsend on long and grueling shoots. Tom was, in fact, a sweating mess when he and Bobby pushed their way back inside the house. Unclipping Bobby, and patting him playfully on the back, Tom climbed the stairs two at a time, stripping his clothing as he went.

He showered quickly, enjoying the feel of the steaming water on his protesting muscles, and padded back into his bedroom to dry and dress. A quick glance at clock on the bedside table told him it was half eleven. With a grunt, he pulled on a pair of jeans and his well-loved blue jumper, which he noted with a fair bit of disdain was starting to get a hole in one of its sleeves. He ran a quick comb through his damp hair and shoved his feet into the grey boots he’d had for nearly as long as he could remember.

Another quick glance at the watch he’d fastened onto his left wrist as he pounded down the stairs told him he needed to leave, and quickly, if he had any hope of meeting Emma at the restaurant she’d chosen on time.

“Shit,” he cursed at himself, ushering Bobby into the back room and his kennel.

Things situated, Tom grabbed his wallet and keys from the hallway table and darted out the front door. He considered trying to cab it in, but all things being equal and knowing London traffic far too well, he dismissed the matter out of hand; the tube was often a great deal faster than the car.

Forty minutes later, Tom dashed into the warmth of the fairly busy café; woolen coat open and breathing heavy. He’d made a mad dash from the underground station once the train had finally come to a stop. He was late and Emma was sure to give him hell about it. He scanned the room, finally resting on her strawberry blonde head at a table in the corner.

She smiled up at him as he took the opened seat across from her, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “I’m dreadfully sorry. I lost track of time and…”

Emma simply rolled her eyes and held up her hand. “Tom, the day you show up to a non-work event on time is the day I know the world’s ending.”

“Oh ha ha,” he retorted, shaking his head. “I’m only what, ten minutes late?”

She snorted, “Only…But I guess coming from you that is actually pretty decent. I was honestly expecting at least twenty minutes.”

Tom looked up at her, affronted. True he did tend to run slightly behind if not harassed, but surely not that badly and with such consistency? “I am not that bad.”

“My darling brother, unless you’ve got someone there to push and pester you, you are indeed that bad. Need I remind you of mum’s birthday last year…?” Emma quirked an eyebrow at her brother as if daring him to challenge her.

He scoffed. “That was once time…”

“And I can list at least a dozen others offhand, if you’d like. My wedding, Sarah’s wedding, last Christmas, the Christmas before…I could go on,” Emma countered. “But I don’t have all day. I left Jack minding Alice and while I love that husband of mine, our offspring has been cutting a new tooth and has frankly been crankier than you on a bad day.”

Tom narrowed his eyes in mock annoyance. “Why are you always such a brat, Brat?”

“Because someone needs to put you in your place, brother dear. And since I am here, I guess that leaves me.” Her eyes sparkled with mischief as they locked on Tom’s. “Lord knows you aren’t going to manage it yourself and Luke’s earned a break don’t you think?”

The teasing volleyed back and forth throughout their meal. It had been a good while since he had done anything with his baby sister, save for larger family gatherings. She’d been busy between the chaos of new motherhood balanced with local and national theatre work and he’d been in and out of the country with promotional work. He smiled as he watched her talk, the way her face lit up as she told him about the latest thing his tiny niece had done or the mishap she’d had with a prop during a sold out performance. It was difficult to reconcile the grown woman before him with the bratty little sister she’d always been in his eyes, but it was wonderful all the same.

“Oh,” Emma started, placing her half-drunk mug of coffee onto the table. “Have you talked with mum recently?”

Tom shook his head, “Not in the last week or so? Has something happened?” He leaned forward, anxiety clearly painted across his features.

“No. No, she’s fine. She’s just trying to get things sorted regarding Christmas.”

“Christmas? It’s barely October,” he countered.

“Which I tried telling her, but alas, she wants to get everyone together this year and with you and Sarah and your insane schedules, she figured starting sooner rather than later would make sense.”

Tom laughed and shook his head. He loved his mother, loved her dearly, but she was a planner. Had been his entire life. And the holidays were her weakness. They had always attempted to gather for Christmas, with varying success; between Tom’s own insane schedule over the last several years and Sarah and her family living and working in India, it was rare to have all three Hiddleston siblings under one roof. And as inane as it sounded, Tom could see the sense in her trying to plan so far in advance.

“…usual nonsense. And she is thinking of trying to have Amy and her family around on Boxing Day.”

Tom blinked in confusion as Emma’s words sank in. “What now?”

“Mum is talking about inviting Amy, Teddy, and their little one over for either lunch or dinner on Boxing Day.”

His heart clenched at the mention of Amy and her husband but slowly relaxed as he let out a breath.

“Is she now?”

While he’d run into both Amy and her husband on several occasions since the wedding, the idea of spending time with them in his mother’s home felt…strange. Not as unbearable as it would have been even a year ago, but still strange. ‘And their little one.’ He’d known they’d been expecting, Emma had mentioned it months back, but hadn’t really let himself think on the matter. He was…happy for her, for them both, even if they idea set uneasily in his gut. And it wasn’t the idea that it should have been him, he’d long since come to terms with that, more so a longing. Something he’d felt when he looked at Sophie as she held either of her and Ben’s sons. Stupid and selfish, but very much real.

Emma nodded. “Henry will be four months by then and mum is desperate to meet him.” She sighed, “You’d think she didn’t have any grandchildren of her own with the way she’s acting.”

Tom shrugged. “You know mum, she always had a soft spot for Amy…”

“That she did,” Emma echoed. “But still…The nerve of the woman.” They both chuckled at that. “So just be aware that she’s most likely going to call and pester you.”

“I don’t doubt that for a single moment,” Tom laughed. “Has Sarah said if they were coming yet?”

Emma took another sip of her coffee and nodded. “Yeah, they should be able to come. You are the wild card at the moment.”

Tom stroked his beard with his free hand. “I should be able to come…As of now I don’t think I have anything that would make that impossible. The con in Phoenix isn’t until the new year…I’ll double check with Michael and Luke to make sure.”

“I still cannot believe people pay actual money on purpose to meet my dork of a brother. Cannot wrap my head around it.”

He chuckled, “It’s still strange for me, Em.”

“I bet.” She paused and pulled her mobile from her purse, glancing at the screen. “And on that note, I have to run. It’s nearly three and I promised Jack I’d be home before four.” She reached for the bill their server had left on the edge of the table but Tom beat her to it, flashing her a warm smile.

“My treat,” he said in way of explanation.

Emma shot him a pointed glare, “You are a menace, you know that right?” She pushes her chair back and pulled on her coat.

Tom chuckled, climbing to his feet himself and pulling his sister into a warm hug. “Give Alice a kiss for me and give Jack my best.” Nodding, she slipped her bag over her shoulder and headed for the door. Tom followed behind, pausing to pay the bill before venturing into the chill of the late afternoon and home.

He spent much of the following week juggling the things he’d been putting off. He’d called and visited his mother; and she, as Emma had predicted, pestered him about his schedule around Christmas. He’d assured her, with back up from Luke, that he was indeed free and would most definitely be coming home this year. He’d also started sorting through his clothing and washing and packing for his trip to the states. He found himself both excited and wary for the trip. Conventions could be a thoroughly enjoyable experience; he’d had several wonderful ones and had enjoyed interacting with fans at the events. But just the same they could be draining and demanding. Sometimes it seemed, no matter what he did, it wasn’t enough. Tom hoped for the former this time around.

                                                           —

The evening of the gala celebrating the life and work of Harold Pinter arrived far sooner than Tom had anticipated. He was excited and anxious and terrified all at once. He’d been so wrapped up in trying to organize his life and make sure he had his lines memorized, that when the driver rang the bell on his gate he’d stood staring in complete confusion for several seconds before realization dawned. God, feared he’d lose his head if it weren’t attached. Tom had been approached for the event shortly after talks began regarding his involvement in reviving Betrayal in the West End. He’d agreed almost immediately, looking forward to sharing the stage with several talented actors and testing out the material on stage before fully committing to the play. The nervous energy had run off him in waves as he’d darted upstairs and dressed quickly. Thankfully, Luke had seen to having his suit pressed and waiting in his closet. Tom dressed in a mad dash before heading back down stairs and out to the waiting car.

It was half past five when Tom slid into the leather backseat, apologizing profusely for his tardiness. Luke would murder him if he were late. As the car started off, Tom pulled out his mobile, shooting his publicist a quick message that he was on his way. It most likely wasn’t necessary, but Tom knew Luke liked to be kept in the loop as much as possible. Shoving his mobile back into his pocket, he turned his attention back to the present. He made small talk with the driver as they moved along, chatting about the weather and later about the dismal amount of traffic they’d run into. They’d pulled aside the theatre half an hour later and once he’d climbed from the car, Tom was ushered inside and backstage. He chatted with Zawe and several other familiar faces as they waited for the theatre to fill and for the start of the evening.

Things had been going rather well, in Tom’s humble opinion until he’d gone to grab his folder and managed to slice his thumb open. He’d stared, dumbfounded, at the welling blood before he was rushed towards the side of the room and quickly patched up. “Score one for my dumb luck,” he joked as he once again picked up his folder, this time taking much greater care. His scene with Zawe had gone off splendidly. They played well off each other and he looked forward to working more with her, providing she was willing and able to commit to the run.

Bows taken, they were all rushed backstage and then quickly to their waiting cars to be driven to the Brasserie Zedel for the after party. Once arrived, Tom walked the short carpet and took his time talking with the various reporters encamped along it. He enjoyed talking about not only Harold Pinter and the fun he’d had that night but of theater and acting in general. He knew, without a doubt, that he was allowing his inner theatre and literature nerd run amuck, but couldn’t find it in him to care.  

Tom mingled with the arriving guests. He caught sight of several familiar faces and did his best to talk with them all. As he allowed himself to scan the room once again, he found his eyes drawn to the short dark haired figure talking animatedly with Zawe. She was all of five foot nothing in her heels but commanded the attention of those around her as though she were much, much taller. Her dress was navy in color and came to mid-calf, clinging to her curves in ways that made Tom desperate to trace with his own hands. Her dark hair hung in a low, loose pony over one shoulder. She tossed her head back, laughing at something Zawe had said and the sound that echoed from her lips was captivating even from such a distance.

Stealing himself, Tom made to start for the both of them, wanting nothing more than to know just who this tiny, vivacious woman was. He just managed to work his way through the densely packed room when the announcement was made for all to begin to filter their way into the restaurant proper. He cursed under his breath and allowed himself to be moved with the crowd inside. He’d found his table easily enough and was quickly pulled into conversation. He caught glimpses of the mystery woman throughout the night but never quite managed to catch up with her.

He’d managed, however, to catch Zawe on her own and, despite feeling very much like a desperate twelve year-old, ask her about her earlier companion. Confusion flitted across Zawe’s features for a moment before understanding seemed to dawn. “Oh! That was Cath. She is a doll. Worked with her on a few projects a handful of years back.”

“Is she an actress then?”

Zawe shook her head, “Nah. She works behind the scenes; hair and make-up. Talented as hell, that woman is.” He tried then to arrange an introduction, ignoring the odd regency undertones such a thing invoked, but the woman, Cath, had been nowhere to be found.

Tom sighed, just as well then. He did his best to let the disappointment flow off his back and made a few more circuits around the room, smiling and talking with various guests before calling it a night. He had a flight to catch in the morning (an international one at that which tended to be a headache at the best of times), and while he could sleep just about anywhere, he wanted to have at least one last good night’s rest in his own bed. Hotel beds, and airplane seats for the matter, were never quite as comfortable as his own bed. A few moments later, Tom stepped out into the brisk October evening air and climbed once more into the backseat. He closed his eyes, resting his head back against the seat and allowed the hum of the car’s engine to lull him into a state of almost sleep.

Next

[nicolacoughlanbigheartfanpage]

LILY-ROSE DEPP

New interview from a Italian article from the night after Venice Film Festival. 

By Stefano Monti

https://www.artslife.com/2019/11/06/the-king-intervista-al-regista-david-michod-e-a-lily-rose-depp/

Presented at the 76th edition of the Venice International Film Festival, the film ( written by David Michôd and Joel Edgerton , which in recent years is proving to be not only a great actor, but among the best authors of our generation: The Gift , Boy Erased ) narrates the exploits of Prince Henry V of England during the delicate passage in which he is crowned King of England. Forced after his father's death to put a stop to his unruly attitudes, his trusted Falstaff, who is interpreted (impeccably) by Edgerton himself, lends him his hand, but above all the beautiful Catherine of Valois, who in this gigantic Netflix production has the face of another star: Lily-Rose Depp(daughter of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis), muse of Karl Lagerfeld and face of the maison Chanel ... as well as (at least, so they say) also off-screen girlfriend of the small Timothée. 

Not only history: in spite of the matter by its very nature dark and gloomy, The King , available all over the world from 01 November on Netflix, also means a lot of glamor. In the cast many other superstars: Robert Pattinson , Ben Mendelsohn, Sean Harris . Not even the big names are spared behind the scenes: along with Netflix , Brad Pitt's Plan B Entertainment is one of the producers . A megagalactic production, which on 2 September 2019 attracted fans and the press from all over the world to the Lido of Venice. An affectionate public that has had the pleasure of enjoying one of the most glittering red carpets of the last years of the Venice festival.

The occasion was delicious. For this reason, the day after the premiere of the film, I could not miss the chance to snatch a few statements from it’s protagonists. Here, then, that I was able to have a chat with the director David Michôd and the irresistible Lily-Rose Depp , who - taking me by surprise - makes me the first Question: How are you? I'm a little tired, if I'm honest, I'll answer . Tired out? What did you do last night? She urged me. And nothing, Lily-Rose has already screwed me.

So, you're fresh from last night's premiere. How did this world preview go?

DAVID MICHÔD: It was ... incredible. It went bananas. It was all so big, the audience went crazy, the stellar cast ... After years and years of hard work (which sometimes made me crazy), it's finally out. I have no idea how it will go ... if it will be well received by the public, or if instead it will be hated. On the other hand, now it's out, it doesn't matter what I think anymore. Help, I'm already talking. I'm very excited. To tell you the truth, after all this carousel, I would just like to sleep, sleep, sleep.

I turn to Lily-Rose instead: it's not your first time in Venice. How do you feel about returning to the Lido to present this gigantic film?

LILY-ROSE DEPP: It's simply wonderful. The Venice Film Festival is an extraordinary, beautiful, exciting event. But the biggest thrill is being here with the whole crew and the cast of The King, representing a film I'm so proud of. Venice ... no complaints, whatsoever!

Indeed, the tradition of the Henry V is infinite: from the original text of Shakespeare to the most recent cinematographic transpositions [the last of Kenneth Branagh, in 1989, with Christan Bale as Henry V of England and Emma Thompson in the role that today is Lily-Rose]. Where did you look for your inspiration to play the character?

LILY-ROSE DEPP: To interpret each character, I personally love stealing from the experiences that I really lived. I'm not special, many actors do it! But every so often, it happens that a character gives you the opportunity to have experiences that you would never have done in your real life. This is the case of Catherine of Valois. The most fascinating side is its "calm strength": it required a lot of work, because when I read the script I immediately realized that its vitality and its energy are channeled into a wonderful calm, a tranquility that sets it apart every reaction ... and that I don't have! It's a quality I've tried to steal from them. So, paradoxically, I was inspired by her.

Indeed, Catherine of Valois is a very strong female character, surrounded by violent men and often toxic masculinity.

LILY-ROSE DEPP: This is why I am very proud to have dressed her clothes. She is a fantastic character, in the film but above all in a historical perspective. Catherine of Valois came from a family that already had a great tradition of strong women: on the other hand her father was Charles VI of France, passed into history as "the Fool" - and already her mother was forced to govern family and court behind curtains, always being careful to hold off and not anger her husband. Plus, she also had lots of sisters. If we are to look for models of great femininity at a time when it seemed impossible for women to claim any right, Catherine and her family are a perfect example. This is why it was very important for Joel [Edgerton] and David [Michôd] to write the character as rigorously as possible,

Whether you like it or not, you're used to working with great celebrities - and this film is certainly no exception. Do you think the star's role still has value?

DAVID MICHÔD:I don't know, honestly, if there is any particular power in being a "star". As for me, a director, I am always fascinated: I don't know what makes the star ... a star, I just know that when I set the camera on one of them, I feel it [you can feel it, ed] . All those people we call "stars" have something incredibly special, a little mysterious, but always based on great talent. On this set, for me it was absurd to look at Timmy Chalamet at work: I was starting to think that movie stars were a concept anchored to the past and that the last, big stars of our time were that group of young boys in the nineties and that today face the fifty (like Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise). And I was wondering: where are the new "movie stars"? I have not had time to find an answer ... that Timmy has arrived. In him I felt that thrill that I didn't feel for a long time in a young American actor.

LILY-ROSE DEPP: It's a complex question. For me, as an actress, being surrounded on a set (like that of The King) by so many great actors [actors, not stars!] Is the best school that exists in the world. At first it can be a bit intimidating, but working with so many professionals - of which you admire the work and of which, often, you are also a fan! - can only improve you. As for the value of a "star" ... I think that the moment you start thinking of yourself as a "star", as a "celebrity", you're already going in the wrong direction. Personally I don't know if I can really define myself like this: I can only tell myself very grateful and grateful to the people who believed in me, public and colleagues.

One last question to David. Before I leave, I have to ask you. And please, don't hate me for this question, but ... how do you deal with the Middle Ages after Game of Thrones?

DAVID MICHÔD: [laughs, enthusiastic and not at all offended]: For me it was actually quite easy, because I never saw it. Or rather: actually I saw the last episode. Well yes! It was very strange, because I was at the home of friends who are hardcore fans and had to see the big finale. I've never seen Game of Thrones , but I know how it ends. What can I say? While I was looking at it I had only one thing in mind: The King will be very very different. Indeed, already from that moment I hoped that for the public too it was more ...

He thinks for a moment, before deciding (unfortunately) not to say too much and smile a little mischievously.

I EDIT AND TRIED TO SOLVE THE BEST I COULD WITH TRANSLATION, IF I LOST ANYTHING, SORRY, AND I KEPT A FEW PARTS OF DAVID AS WELL THAT I FOUND INTERISTING. BUT IT CAN BE READ EVERYTHING IF YOU WANT ON THE LINK ABOVE.