#(always will. really it is remarkable how many of those characters I dislike in fairness

[myfandomrambles]

C-PTSD & BPD Thirteenth Doctor pt. 2

(Doctor Character Study part 3E.2) E.1, E.3

An analysis of The Doctor as having Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) along with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). If you read my ADHD & Autistic doctor posts you will notice some symptoms overlap mostly with impulsivity. I chose to put C-PTSD and BPD as one post because symptom overlap is strong, and the disorders are highly comorbid

[Thirteenth Doctor will be in 3 parts due to length. Find the whole thing on AO3]

13th Doctor 2: Morals & her Trauma Informed Identity

Thirteen also shows a need to be seen as moral and a good person in situations including in TV: Resolution when facing the Dalek. She wants to be seen as a good person to her friends, letting them see her anxiety while also having previously hidden the fact she enjoyed scaring the Dalek. 

“Dalek: Hide behind your shield, Doctor, you and your human friends. You have failed. Doctor: Say hello to a Dalek. Dalek: Signal activation in nine rels. The fleet shall be summoned. Doctor: No, it won't. No matter how many times you try, no matter how long you wait, I'll always be in your way, backed up by the best of humanity. Now, final, final, final warning, cos I'm nice. I really do try my best. Stop the signal, get off this planet. Dalek: You are not my commander. Doctor: I tried. You heard me, right? I tried! I gave it a chance. Yasmin: Yeah. Ryan: Yep. Graham: You did.”

She wants to be viewed as good by those she loves and upholds part of her worldview where she matters as a hero. But also can not truly hold to the idealised version of ‘The Doctor’ We see this in TV: The Woman Who Fell To Earth, we see it in how she won’t shoot Tzim-Sha, becoming mad when Tzim-Sha is kicked off the edge, while she put DNA bombs. The idea of The Doctor is still removed from the personal status. A similar contradiction shows up in TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos 

“Doctor: Equipment. Doctor: I borrowed all this from your ship, Paltraki. These throat mics work like commdots. Side of the neck. Stay in contact. Take one each. Grenades. Codebreakers for doors. Also, a bomb. Ryan: What happened to never do weapons? Doctor: It's a flexible creed. Doors, locks, walls, buildings, fair game. If it can be rebuilt, I'll allow it. Ryan: No, no. You stopped me shooting at Sniperbots before. Doctor: You were new. I have to lay down the rules if someone's new. Also, don't quote that back to me. My rules change all the time.”

The Doctor is willing to use weapons while having been deeply against them, which is remarked on by Ryan because she told him off for using weapons in TV: The Ghost Monument. This hypocritical state isn’t incongruous with The Doctor’s history, not using guns is something she has built her sense of self around the idea of a pacifist hero with words is something she needs to grasp onto. Her willingness to wipe out her enemies wholesale she argues in TV: War of the Sontarans that they shouldn’t have killed the retreating Sontarans to then kill mass numbers of them along with Daleks and Cybermen in TV: The Vanquishers. In Prose: Combat Magicks she uses her experience with understanding war and alienation to choose to kill aliens who are exploiting Earth with minimal time spent trying to negotiate. Her complicated moral stances and actions reflect a lot of who they want to be but also who they are when it comes down to choosing to save the most people possible. 

Connections with her past in war had less of an impact on her to start with due to being more removed from war trauma. Both the Time War and Trenzalore are at a distance from her. Though we do know she does carry it with her in Prose: The Day of The Doctor [novelisation]. She does return to give Cass a proper burial. Her dislike of war showed through in the above discussion of speaking against weapons while still knowing how to use them also points to her current connection to violence,

War and her connection to it still have a strong effect on her identity. (TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos, TV: resolution, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, TV: Ascension of The Cybermen, TV: War of the Sontarans, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: The Good Doctor, Comic: Hidden Human History, Comic: New Beginnings, Comic: Old friends & Comic: Alternating Current )

In TV: Demons of the Punjab we see an interesting connection related to the wars being discussed during the episode. Prem’s history with war and loss feels very impactful. The Doctor wants to go with him when he is going to be killed, offering kindness and something we know has helped them with previous losses. Her belief in the goodness of Prem for wanting to avoid war shows a great deal of resonance. 

The Thijarians' goal of remembering the forgotten dead also mirrors The Doctor’s own history of dying alone and the way The Doctor has a history of leaving forgotten dead behind her. Her own planet had been destroyed by war, The Doctor does believe Gallifrey exists at this point but it was still ravaged, so connecting to people who lost everything and committed to kindness resonates with her. 

Connected to her views on weapons and war as bases of her identity we also have her overt moralising to other characters in their actions. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: The Ghost Monument, TV: Demons of the Punjab, TV: Kerblam!, TV: Fugitive of The Judoon, Prose: Combat Magicks, Comic: Hidden Human History, Comic: Old friends)

In TV: Arachnids in The UK as a very prominent example of her moral ideals when faced with innocent spiders suffering and causing suffering. 

“Doctor: Whatever happened, there are living, breathing organisms out there and we treat them with dignity. So here's what we're going to do. Robertson: Shoot them! Doctor: We're not going to shoot them! Robertson: What's wrong with you people? What is wrong with this country? Why don't you do what normal people do? Get a gun, shoot things, like a civilised person. Doctor: Because I've got a much better idea. Spiders are roaming this hotel searching for food. We're going to lure them in here with the promise of food, then deal with the spider mother in the ballroom. Oh, that sounds like the best novel Edith Wharton never wrote. Najia: Once they're in here, what happens? Jade: We shut them in and isolate them. Robertson: You're going to let spiders use my panic room? Jade: They deserve a humane, natural death.” & “Jade: She's suffocating. She's got too big to breathe efficiently. Even moving around in here, it's using up what little oxygen she can absorb. She won't survive for long. She's more scared of us than we are of her. Doctor: I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Graham: So what do we do, just leave her? (Robertson enters.) Doctor: No. Absolutely not. Robertson: My hotel, my rules. I am the future President of the United States. How's this for fire and fury? Doctor: No, don't! (He shoots the spider and she falls on her back, nearly hitting The Doctor.) Doctor: Put the gun down. She wasn't a real threat. She was dying anyway. Robertson: Ah, well, then it's a mercy killing. Doctor: I don't see any mercy in you.”

This decision The Doctor wants to make for the smaller spiders to starve or dehydrate to death. She backs the idea of a “natural death” even when it could be kinder to shoot them. The Spider Mother is also going to suffocate to death, an extremely painful way to die. Robertson is clearly acting out of a love for violence and selfishness, not truly wanting to be merciful. But his impure motives do not change the fact that there is a conversation to be had about euthanizing them instead of giving them painful ‘natural’ deaths. The Doctor may be correct but it's still interesting there were no consideration given by any of the characters who are worth hearing out. 

We see another strong outward moralising moment in TV: The Battle of Ranskoor Av Kolos. She argues with Graham about his wanting revenge by killing Tzim Sha. She is against, even telling him to leave, she is right to warn him against murder. Which makes sense as they have killed before and she’s never liked it in any regeneration. 

“Graham: Doc, can I have a word? Doctor: Of course. Graham: Just the two of us? Ryan: Fine. Come on, Yaz. Graham: I need to be honest with you, cos I am really grateful for everything you've done for me. Well, for us, you know? Everywhere we've been, all the adventures, been amazing. But if that is the creature from Sheffield, I will kill it if I can. For what it did to Grace. Doctor: Go back to the Tardis, Graham. Graham: No. Doctor: I won't let you do that. Graham: You ain't going to have a say in it. Doctor: You're better than this. You are. You have to be. If you kill him, I can't have you travel with me. That's if you even live. Graham: I understand. Doctor: No, you don't. We're going to rescue hostages. Anything that compromises them is dangerous. And if you kill him, you become the same as him. Graham: I ain't having that. Doctor: I'm serious, Graham. (She walks on.) Graham: And so am I.”

&

“Doctor: Where's Tim Shaw? Graham: Oh, he's taking a very long nap in a very small stasis chamber. Ryan: Of his own making. I like that. Graham: Yeah. Oh, I couldn't do it, Doc. Yeah, I had the chance. Too weak. Doctor: Graham O'Brien, you're the strongest person I know. Well, one of a few.”

The Doctor is trying to protect Graham and maintain her moral ground, something she is very devoted to. In this self view she supports putting Tzim-Sha in a tortuous situation is more moral than killing them, clearly showing how she interprets these moral quandaries. Another example of this is her monologuing  in TV: Orphan 55 :

“Doctor: ... I know what you're thinking, but it's one possible future. It's one timeline. You want me to tell you that Earth's going to be okay? Cos I can't. In your time, humanity is busy arguing over the washing-up while the house burns down. Unless people face facts and change, catastrophe is coming. But it's not decided. You know that. The future is not fixed. It depends on billions of decisions, and actions, and people stepping up. Humans. I think you forget how powerful you are. Lives change worlds. People can save planets, or wreck them. That's the choice. Be the best of humanity.”

This highlights that her moralising comes also from her years of experience, making it a clear connective tissue between Doctors and something that characterises this Doctor on her own terms. 

Another facet of Thirteen’s identity formation is her tendency to have a false self. A trait that comes from personality disorders, especially in Cluster B personality disorders; Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, Histrionic Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. 

This is most clearly referenced by King James in TV: The Witchfinders

“Doctor: Yeah, yeah, I know. It must be comforting playing that role, hiding behind a title. James: Just as you hide behind Doctor, perhaps?”

This is an important way she intersects with the world, especially in Series Eleven where she is putting on this mask of being happy-go-lucky. The above symptoms and some later described here show that she is already struggling but is doing her best to act like she is someone she isn’t. Her false self and masking make her interactions feel stilted and start the above-discussed film between her and her companions. 

The Doctor concept is bolstered when saving people and being gratified by helping, this heroic idea of what ‘The Doctor’ is meant to be is something The Doctor will hold on to. (TV: The Woman Who Fell to Earth, TV: Arachnids In The UK, TV: Kerblam!, TV: The Witchfinders, TV: Nikola Tesla's Night of Terror, TV: Praxeus, TV: Can You Hear Me, TV: The Halloween Apocalypse, TV: Eve of The Daleks, Prose: Combat Magicks, Prose: Molten Heart, & Prose: The Secret in Vault 13)

TV: It Takes You Away shows her putting herself in the hero role doing her best to protect everyone and having a fight response towards the Solitract. Once everyone is safe she lets the arousal in her body go down and she connects with the Solitract. This shows her heroic tendencies and some of her most honest kindness.

  In TV: The Haunting Villa Diodati Along with coming into a space of control when dealing with the historical figures, especially Byron, and while this control is a huge part of her actions in the story we also see when she comes it she wants to protect other people, even when it leaves her  very stressed. This carries into TV: Ascension of The Cybermen & TV: The Timeless Children.

A key aspect of identity and the way her trauma shows through for Thirteen is the revelations of the Timeless Child and the way this reframes who they think they are and their history. 

The beginning of this arc with the destruction of Gallifrey (TV: Spyfall pt1) acts as a deeply re-traumatizing event. Dealing with being forced to view your planet in a state of destruction and the loss of her people for another time causes her to struggle and leaves her in a bit of an obsessive and dissociative state. During TV: Fugitive of The Judoon the repercussion of what she was forced to view others can see how she is fixating on the loss and the violence of The Master. Dissociative and repetitive behaviours become so disruptive that those around her notice:

“Ryan: She's doing it again. Spending hours at the controls looking for something. Thinks we haven't noticed. Graham: I'll ask her. Hey, Doc, what are you looking for? Doctor: How long have you been there? Yasmin: Twenty minutes? Doctor: You haven't. Ryan: What you looking for? Doctor: Not looking for anything. Yasmin: Don't lie to us. Doctor: The Master. Graham: Why would you do that? Yasmin: The Kasaavin took him. Doctor: Yes. They transported him to their dimension and I can't get there in the Tardis, but I thought if he escaped, I could track him. There's no sign. Ryan: I thought he'd be the last person you'd want to see. Doctor: He left a message for me. Graham: Saying what? Doctor: It's personal. Yasmin: Is that where you go, when you leave us to explore and you say you'll be back in an hour but you never are? Are you out looking for him? Where do you go? Doctor: Home. On my own. Yasmin: Why? Why not with us? Doctor: Cos you ask too many questions.”

In the same episode, there is a similar invocation of the trauma of having a place she cared about taken from her. The trauma reactions come out when in a high-stress situation. She doesn’t just point out something is wrong with the timeline, she says so graphically and mentions she’s seen it multiple times, she has no tact to be had here and she doesn’t even fully grasp what Gallifrey had done to her yet. 

“Gat: There won't be two payments, because two of the same Time Lord can't occupy the same space at the same time. It's an abomination. It'll destroy the time streams before you get anywhere near Gallifrey. Doctor: What did you say?...Gallifreyan. You're from home. Gat: I serve for the glory of Gallifrey. Doctor: Then both of you can only be my past. But that's impossible, because I know my own past. I lived through it. All of it. Fugitive!Doctor: You're wrong.

Doctor: I'm not wrong. I've seen Gallifrey destroyed. Twice. First by a war, second by a lunatic who I'm still trying to find. In my time, Gallifrey doesn't exist. It's gone. Forever. And if you don't know that, you're in my past. So, you are only serving at the glory of ash and bone.”

This episode was overall very upsetting. She deals with flashbacks during this episode, we notice the hypervigilance and fight-bound procedural memories go back to the Fugitive!Doctor. Even when she has been fob-watched she already couldn’t hide who she was on the inside fully. 

As we move forward with this arc (TV: Timeless Children) we end up with The Doctor learning about the abusive situation and mind-wiping that she went through repeatedly for an uncountable number of lives. She starts out being very confused and disbelieving;

“Doctor: I know my life. I know... I know who I am. Master: No, you don't. You never have. Your life has been hidden from you. Our founding parents wanted a noble creation myth for the Time Lords. Born To Rule. Doctor: I remember my home. I remember growing up. I remember you and me at the Academy together. Master: That happened. It just wasn't your first life. Doctor: Why would they lie? Why would they do that? Master: I wish it wasn't true, but it is. You know what I find the most infuriating? You always behaved like you were different, like you were... like you were special. And you were. You can see... you can see why I'm angry. A little piece of you is in me. All I am is somehow because of you, and believe me when I say, I cannot bear that. Doctor: Show me the rest. Master: I'm not sure you can cope with much... Doctor: Show me the rest! I have a right to know my own life.”

She starts to work through it when she is left in The Matrix by The Master.

“Fugitive!Doctor: Don't ask me, I'm as lost as you are in here. Maybe you just summoned me. Doctor: Where do you fit into all this? Were you me all that time ago? Were all my memories of you erased? Did they force me back into becoming a child? How many more of me are out there? Fugitive!Doctor: I don't have those answers. But say I did, would they even help? Doctor: Of course they would. All this, it means I'm not who I thought I was. Fugitive!Doctor: Because your memories aren't compatible with what you learnt today. Doctor: Yes. Fugitive!Doctor: Have you ever been limited by who you were before? Doctor: Ah. Now, that does sound like me talking. I'm so tired. The Matrix is sapping all the energy of out of me. Fugitive!Doctor: No time to be tired. Still, work to do out there. Lives at stake. Armies being born. People need The Doctor. Doctor: I don't know how to stop The Master. Fugitive!Doctor: Course you do. That one question that's nagging at you, the one thing he said that you didn't understand. Doctor: The one thing who said? The Master? Fugitive!Doctor: No. Get out of here. I know this place has blown your mind. Maybe you should return the compliment. Doctor: No, wait. Are you still there? Of course, she's still there. If you were me, you're buried within me, buried within... Too many thoughts. All right, first things first, what did she say? Mind blown. Yes! Of course! All this history, all these lies, it's too much stimulus. It might work. I've fought the Matrix before, denied its reality, I can do it again. Maybe...”

This moment is followed by a conversation with The Master within the same episode:

“Master: ... I have broken you and created a new race. And now? Now I shall conquer... everything. Oh. Doctor: You think you've broken me? You'll have to try harder than that. You've given me a gift. Of myself. You think that could destroy me? You think that makes me lesser? It makes me more. I contain multitudes more than I ever thought or knew. You want me to be scared of it because you're scared of everything. But I am so much more than you.”

While these words are good we know that this mental state isn’t the truth. The Flux arc shows that these positive statements do not fully resonate with her ability to fully integrate these revelations. In a sense, she wants to integrate these revelations about her history of abuse and trauma into her already scarred psyche. The Doctor is stubborn, inquisitive and brave by temperament, integration without action wasn’t going to come easy.

The memories of the Timeless Children being stolen also relate to the history The Doctor has with mind wipes with Donna (TV: Journey's End) and Clara (TV: Hell Bent) . A lot of pain is linked to the loss of memory. Swarm and Azure took the Fob Watch holding The Doctor’s memories away from her, opening them up to fracture her memories reinviting traumatic content to come up in her. (TV: The Vanquishers)

She is left with confusion about her past and pretty strong losses even if Gallifrey wasn’t kind to her she still grew up there and put themselves through hell to protect the common people of Gallifrey. To have lost herself, her past home and knowing another person died for her is exhausting to her mind and body. (TV: Timeless Children)

Instead of being free to process her trauma in a way that she could engage with other people, get trauma energy from her nervous system and even just get some fresh air she is taken into custody by the Judoon. She is left in a place that forces isolation and static movements. She is incapable of doing anything to help herself. She is forced into a situation that is already traumatic, being stressed in a situation with no escape, and carrying recent wounds that can’t heal. Terror without escape and resolution is the basis of trauma.

She mentions that she was imprisoned and that it hurt her in TV: Revolution of The Daleks.

“Harkness: Why were you in prison in the first place? Doctor: Evading the Judoon. Twice at once. Then once I was in, they took 7,000 other offences into consideration. Harkness: They stopped at seven? Doctor: I was in prison for being me... right at the point when I wasn't sure what that meant. Ah, it's been a tough few decades. Harkness: You're okay now, yeah? Doctor: Oh, I guess we'll find out. Wakey-wakey. Harkness: Hey! Doctor: Nice nap? Thanks for waiting. I had a lot to think about in there. And three very special people I've missed. Harkness: One of them was me, right? Doctor: You never change. Harkness: Wish I could say the same. Doctor: Right. Find me my fam.”

Panic and obsession she had about her lost memories became intensely powerful over time. This leads to trying to interrogate Karvanista in TV: Halloween Apocalypse mirrors a very real need people with dissociative amnesia have to understand what they have lost. This extends to  TV: Once, Upon Time we see flashbacks happen a lot tied into some of the sci-fi elements. Her getting lost in time reliving a traumatic incident that The Fugitive!Doctor experienced. It’s stronger than Yasmin Khan and Vinder experienced. While not directly flashbacks as it’s time distortions and the Mouri it very much mirrors when you have complete flashbacks and lose track of reality, and can’t let go easily of trying leaving her very distressed when she loses that connection psychically with her past. 

“Doctor: No, no, no. Put me back, put me back. I want to go back in there. I have to get back in! Yasmin: Doctor, it's okay. Doctor: It's not okay! Not for me! You don't understand anything. Yasmin: All right. Doctor: I had a chance while it was broken. Vinder: Well, it's not now. The Mouri, they're all back. Yasmin: You saved our lives.”

(TV: Once, Upon Time)

Her memories and fears around her stolen past come to a head in TV: Survivors of The Flux when she is able to meet Tecteun face to face. This woman we know medically, psychologically, and emotionally abused The Doctor for a very long time. Tecteun used The Doctor as a science experiment for her own gain and after that as a weapon. It’s horrific for a child to have been tortured medically so much she died repeatedly. The Doctor confronts her adoptive ‘mother’ about the situation and instead of truly getting answers or help she has to deal with the violence her ‘mother’ enacted on her and the universe being manipulative. 

“Tecteun: Yes. I found you. A lost child, alone, beneath a monument on a deserted planet, seemingly deposited thereby a wormhole. No way back, no one to care for you. Doctor: You took something that didn't belong to you. Tecteun: I rescued you. Would you prefer to have been left? Doctor: You assumed I came through that wormhole, but you don't know. What if I was waiting there to collected? What if I was supposed to be taken through it? What if whoever left me there was taken by that wormhole? Tecteun: What if, what if, what if? Doctor: You denied me my life! Tecteun: I gave you a life. Everything you are is because of me. But I understand. You think you could have been something else, someone else. Doctor: Maybe. I'll never know. Tecteun: You judge me for giving you the journey of your lifetime. What do you do, Doctor? Pick people up, take them with you? You adopt them, use them, for reassurance, for company. They're your experiments, just as you were mine. Doctor: We are not the same. Tecteun: This just shows I was right to order your memories erased.” & “Doctor: A Galifreyan device for the protecting and storage of memories and identities. Of course, you kept them, the memories you took from me. Tecteun: A good scientist never throws away their workings. We had them quantum stored for a long time in the Weeping Angel who tracked you and betrayed you but don't worry, it didn't escape. Everything has been transferred now, stored in that fob watch. Doctor: How much was lost? How many lives? How many people have I been? Dozens? Hundreds? Thousands? Tecteun: What would you give to know? What if I offered you a choice? You can return to the dying universe you left, defend it from its inevitable destruction and fail, or rejoin Division. Rejoin me. Come with us into the next universe, into the beyond. Help me build! With your memories restored. Be complete again. The next universe holds the other end of the wormhole where I found you. That universe may be where you're from, where you began. Your origins, perhaps. Think of the discoveries that would await us both there. A new start. Doctor: If you really knew me, you'd know I'd never agree to any of this, no matter how strong the incentive.”

Tecteun takes credit for all of the good Thirteen and The Doctor more widely had and done and her tendency to pick up people across time. And blames The Doctor for why they continued her abuse of The Doctor by forcing her to lose part of herself and her history. Pretending to know The Doctor and leaving The Doctor afraid of herself and angry at her story. More so than just losing the memories there is also a lot of anger at the way someone would do that to her. The Flux being sent out to the world is something The Doctor would never allow, showing that even when Tecteun tries to manipulate she doesn’t understand everything The Doctor is.

While Tecteun did change The Doctor on a deep level by what she did to them as a child, it doesn’t define everything The Doctor has been and can be. While Teteun views The Doctor as a daughter she has no grasp of the love and loss The Doctor has been through, who she is now.

The Doctor recovers the fob watch with her memories, given what she wanted but after more violence and loss. Realising she was keeping people at bay.

“Doctor: ... Yaz. I'm sorry. I didn't let you into what I was doing. Going after Karvanista. What I was looking for. I shouldn't have shut you out. Yasmin: No. You shouldn't have. Doctor: I was looking for information about me. A life I never knew. I want to tell you everything. Yasmin: I'd like that. DAN: Did you say left or right? Yasmin: Come on, Scouse, let Yorkshire show you the way. (The Doctor takes the fob watch out of her pocket, then removes a blue globe from the console and holds it over the long, long tunnel down into the workings of the Tardis.) Doctor: Do me a favour. Keep this safe somewhere deep within this Tardis. Somewhere I can never find it. (Drops it and replaces the globe.) Doctor: Unless I really ask for it.”

This shows that The Doctor can't deal with everything at that point when it comes to her possible memories or fully connecting with Yasmin Khan. That she doesn’t show or explain the fob watch Yaz is purposeful, she trusts Yaz very much but she doesn't trust herself to fully connect with her past. The way she phrases it to the TARDIS also points to a cold fear/anger flight mindset, showing she is still struggling to process her trauma. No matter if it is a good idea or not, she can’t deal with it all right now. But her true confidant here is her TARDIS, no matter how much she loves Yaz.

[elainemorisi]

DS9 is forgiven its ridiculous slick wigs by virtue of how delightful they are when they do get tousled

[bigskydreaming]

I’m of the opinion that trying to rank the Batfam by intelligence is dumb as hell because they’re all conceptually the smartest person in the room whenever the plot demands it and put any single one of them in any other group of people and canon defaults to treating them as the smartest one there even when other heroes present have multiple PhDs, so like....source for:

“Tim is obviously the smartest except for Barbara and also Bruce but also Jason is smarter than Dick because he likes to read and let’s all collectively presume that Cass is so obviously the least smart of all of them she never even ranks when talking about the Batfam’s intellects even though this is a girl who became fully socialized within like two years after previously having spent the first fifteen years of her life in varying forms of complete isolation with her education deliberately stunted until she began thriving at literally the FIRST opportunity she got to actually be afforded resources for expanding her mind”.....

So yeah, my official stance is and always will be every single member of the Batfam is a LITERAL genius and when you’re talking intellects of that level its pointless trying to rank them, like, they’re all smart as fuck, who needs them numbered past that point?

So I have no interest in trying to present any of them, whether Dick or anyone else, as SMARTER than the rest, but I do still have plenty of gripes about how often he’s marked for comparison and singled out to be specified as not AS smart as Tim or the others.....when literally the only thing that people ever actually point to - other than Dick’s own self-image and self-assessments - as for why Tim’s obviously so much smarter than Dick is like....Tim figured out Batman and Robin’s identities based on the fact that he saw Robin do a move that he’d previously been situationally aware of Dick Grayson doing. That’s it. That’s like.....the essence of plot convenience. Even WITH Tim’s obvious intelligence, if not for Tim having happened to be at the circus to see Dick Grayson perform that flip....he never would have been able to connect those dots, not because he’s not smart enough to, but because he simply literally wouldn’t have had one of the dots needing connection!

And also like, there’s also the fact that in plenty of Dick’s origin stories Dick is the one who figures out Bruce is Batman himself, Bruce doesn’t actually tell him....so.....why does that never come up as proof of Dick’s intelligence, y’know? Fair is fair, right?

But anyway, Dick Grayson speaks tons of languages, has hacked freaking alien spaceships, has also been called Detective by Ra’s al Ghul’s manipulative ass for whatever that’s worth but just as significantly if not more imo, is regularly shown BEING a great detective, in his solo titles, in Titans, on the Outsiders, as Batman....he picks up new skills like trying out a new hobby and had the equivalent of multiple college degrees while he was still Robin in terms of applicable know-how and understanding of science, criminology, history, politics and multiple other fields of interest. 

He’s tech savvy, creates most of his own gear and even machinery, and this really can’t be underscored enough but seems waaaaay too often glossed over - he’s considered one of the preeminent tacticians in the entire DC universe, that’s like....not a small thing. That IS intelligence! That’s like the very essence of it, not just knowing things, but applying things, figuring out the most optimal ways to piece disparate bits of knowledge and information together in actionable ways to achieve desired end results. Stop sleeping on Dick’s tactical brilliance, guys!

And again, NONE of this is intended to try and elevate him PAST any of the other Bat characters, as you’ll notice nowhere am I making any claims that he alone can be described in these ways.....I’m not saying these things are limited or unique to just him, I’m just saying....they very much describe him. So.....stop acting like they don’t, y’know? Don’t be a Tom Taylor! Be better than Tommy T! I believe in you guys!

Just.....I don’t think many people realize that they’re not actually saying what they think they’re saying when they stress how much smarter Tim is than Dick, for example, because like.....that’s not a proven quantity, and so it just comes across as like, needing to erase large aspects of Dick’s character just to prop up a personal fave and that’s the sort of thing that births the sort of negativity a lot of people remark on. 

(And it also carries a loooooot of not great implications if you factor in things like their respective origins, marginalizations, classism, etc - like, I can not stress how eyebrow-raising it is in the WORST possible ways that like, people make SUCH a big deal about Dick dropping out of college, when nobody ever seems to want to comment on the fact that like....Tim dropped out of high school. If its so obvious that the latter has nothing to do with Tim’s intelligence whatsoever - and it doesn’t, for the record - then you really should take a little more care with how you raise the subject and context of Dick’s dislike for specific educational structures and not weave in implications that this has anything to whatsoever with his actual intelligence or aptitude in skill acquisition - I’m just saying).

[negasonicimagines]

Tell Me I'm Not Funny

Request: darkandmysteriousbutheartofgold!ellie and wholesomeanddoesn'tunderstandwhyelliedoesn'tlikeher!reader where they're both part of the friend group but ellie just thinks reader is straight and messing with her pls

Notes: I don’t usually write MCU!Peter, so if he comes up in any future fics (like as the reader’s stepdad 👀 I’ve loved spideypool longer than I’ve loved Negasonic) you can safely assume it’s Andrew Garfield. But, for this time, this is MCU!Peter. Everyone in the friend group is 18-20, just to be clear.

This really isn't my best work, but it's a fun little slice of life piece. A lot of my ideas are pretty cinematic, I can picture them in my head but sometimes those pictures don't really translate into words. I may revisit this one day.

Warnings: D-slur (reclaimed by Ellie in one line), allusions to prior assault (an unwanted kiss that could've been more had another character not stepped in), and that's about it. Oh, and a little swearing, but this is an imagine for a character from Deadpool. If you can't handle swearing, you're on the wrong blog.

Synopsis: You’re into Ellie, but she’s with your good friend Peter. She treats you like you don’t even exist, and in the few instances she does acknowledge you, it’s usually just to make some sarcastic remark. You’re head-over-heels, though, and decide to deal with your unrequited love by writing her a song she’ll never hear.

“Fuck, that movie was terrible,” Michelle groans. “I’m just glad it was a matinee show and we didn’t have to pay as much to see it.”

“The special effects were good, but can’t Disney just leave stuff alone?” Peter agrees.

“Next thing you know they’ll be making a live action Toy Story, as if the original wasn’t traumatizing enough. I don’t want to imagine Watermelon as a sentient being. She’s seen some shit,” you snicker.

“Who’s Watermelon?” Ellie asks with a dark chuckle, and you clam up. How had you forgotten she was here?

“Oh, uh, nobody.”

“Don’t tell me you still sleep with a stuffed animal,” she snarks. “You really do need to grow up.”

“Don’t be mean, Ellie,” Peter protests.

“Watermelon is cute, everybody likes cute things!” Yukio adds.

“I think a live-action Toy Story could be cool,” Ned says. “It’d look really good if they did stop-motion animation.”

“Oh, you’re right!” you chirp. “It’d be quite the undertaking, but it would look badass.”

“I think you’re using that term a little loosely,” Ellie grumbles, and you have to stop yourself from frowning, instead you laugh it off. Why does she always pick on you? Sure, she’s got a witty remark for everybody, but she’s way harder on you. It hurts, she really is so gorgeous and funny and mysterious and everything you want in a woman, but she acts like she can’t stand you.

Ellie and Peter head off together, Peter still hasn’t gotten around to getting his license and Ellie seems happy to give him a ride. You really don’t stand a chance.

You and the others pile up in MJ’s SUV for some late-night band practice.

“I don’t know if I can do it,” you admit to Yukio in the furthest row back.

“You can,” she insists. “You’re a way better singer than Lola, anyways.”

“I’m sorry about that. I didn’t mean to give her the wrong impression, I-”

“For the millionth time, Y/N, you didn’t. If she hadn’t left the band, we would’ve kicked her out. Not just for cheating on me, but for hurting you.”

“I guess,” you sigh. “Why can’t you sing instead?”

“Because I’m flat.”

“Yukio, breast size doesn’t have anything to do with singing ability, you’ve just gotta practice,” you joke.

“Shut up!” she giggles, punching you in the arm. “Plus, when you sing, the songs are being sung as they were written. We’re getting the real feelings.”

“Speaking of… I have something new I’m thinking about sharing tonight. Do you mind if I text you the demo?”

“Ooh, a first look! Hell yes!”

You text her the audio file and she puts in a wireless earbud, nodding along. Her smile gets wider and wider as she listens, and when she’s done, her assessment shocks you.

“Oh my gosh. You’re into Ellie.”

“What?!” you squeak. “No way!”

“You are! But, uh-”

“Don’t even say it. I know I don’t have a chance in hell. She only tolerates me for the sake of you and Peter.” Despite the gloominess of your tone, Yukio gets a mischievous glint in her eye, it confuses you. But, that’s just Yukio. Her thoughts are all over the place; she and Ellie balance each other out that way. They dated a couple of years ago, but it didn’t work out. They decided they were better off as friends.

“Screw that other song, we’re using this as the lead single. Everybody’s gonna love it, do you have the sheet music?”

“Yeah, uh, it’s in my bag.”

“Awesome.” Yukio’s grinning like she’s won something. Is the song that good? “We’ll have to practice this one a lot, we definitely need to have it ready by the concert this Friday.”

Right. Liz’s 19th birthday party. Apparently Peter had convinced her to let the band play, it’d be cheaper than hiring a more established artist.

“Our first paying gig? I don’t know if that’s a good idea,” you remind her. She scoffs and rolls her eyes.

“We’re mostly gonna be playing covers of Liz’s favorite songs, and she only has so many. We’ve gotta beef up the setlist with originals, and this is perfect! Has that pop-y fun vibe, it’ll fit right in.”

“Yeah, but if it’s that obvious how I feel about her after one listen-”

“Only because I already had a hunch after Daft Pretty Boys,” Yukio clarifies cheerily, and you sigh.

“Fair enough.”

The gang makes it to Michelle’s house, travelling down to the side door and going into the basement from there. MJ’s parents have encouraged her creativity from day one, and were ecstatic when the band was formed. You speculate that they’re mostly happy that she’s made friends. Writing and photography can be lonely hobbies.

“Y/N has something new for us!” Yukio chirps.

“That fast?” Ned’s surprised as you hand him the sheet music. He skims it. “Holy shit, this is a wicked solo! Thanks, Y/N!”

“Well, I’m hoping highlighting everybody else’s talent will disguise my lack thereof,” you chuckle.

“Don’t be stupid, we’ve all heard you sing backup,” MJ says. “You’re Ryan Ross, she’s Brendon Urie. I’m just glad we booted her out before she decided she was gonna be the only pangolin in The Pangolins.”

Everyone laughs at that.

“Let’s try it,” Michelle continues, and everybody agrees. After a sound check and a few runs of the song, it’s still clumsy, especially on your part. You’re not really used to playing and singing at the same time, outside of backup vocals, which require far less focus.

“I suck,” you mumble, but it happens to be into the microphone.

“You don’t!” Ned insists.

“With that attitude, we’re not going anywhere,” Yukio says. You hate it when she gets to the tough love stage of her support. You wish she’d stay in the shallow reassurances stage, it’s easier to brush off. “You wouldn’t be the lead singer if we all thought you sucked. We would’ve just put an ad in the paper. You’re awesome, get over it!”

You sigh.

“Fine. Thank you.”

“Say it,” she insists.

“I’m awesome,” you huff, it’s hard not to smile when Yukio tries to look serious.

“Damn straight,” Yukio says. “Or, I guess not, considering that was about Ellie.”

“Yukio!” you squeal.

“That’s about Ellie?!” Ned exclaims.

“Obviously,” MJ scoffs, fiddling with her tuners.

“Is it that obvious?!” You can’t help but feel embarrassed. Ellie probably knows exactly how you feel, maybe that’s why she dislikes you so much. Her boyfriend’s stupid friend has a crush.

“Wait, but at the beginning…” Ned trails off, before laughing. “Oh my gosh, I get it.”

“Get what? Oh… Y/N, have I ever told you how much I love you?” MJ asks.

“I- I love you, too?” You’re puzzled by their words, but you’ve got enough on your plate.

“Let’s go ahead and practice some of Liz’s favorites while we’re here,” Yukio suggests. “It’s a pretty big set list.”

You practice until dinner, getting a pizza and deciding to make a night of it since it was a little late for Michelle to be dropping you all off at your assorted residences.

You all sleep on a pallet in the basement, and despite your worries, you manage to get some rest.

Over the next few days, The Pangolins practice at every free moment, until it’s finally time for the party.

“So, just pictures of everything?” Oh, shit. She’s not supposed to be here. How are you supposed to sing that song with her here?

“Yeah! I know with how many people are coming, I’m probably not going to get as much time as I want with everyone, so pictures will be a good way to remember the night.”

“Why not just invite less people?” Ellie wonders.

“I want all my friends to be here,” Liz explains. “How’s the sound check going, Y/N?”

“It’s going great,” you say into the microphone, demonstrating the quality and volume with a smile. “Thanks for letting us play here tonight.”

“Well, Peter said you guys are great. Are you really gonna debut your best song so far tonight?”

“Oh, um,” you stutter, stepping away from the microphone. “Maybe not.”

“What? Oh, come on, please, it’ll make the night even more special! You’re playing covers of all my old favorites, sing me my new favorite!” Liz presses, but she’s not being demanding or bratty, she seems genuinely excited.

“If the birthday girl says so, who am I to say no?” you concede. Hopefully Ellie will be too distracted taking pictures. “You have way too much faith in me.”

“If you don’t quit with the self-deprecation, I’m gonna duct tape your mouth shut,” MJ interjects.

“But, Daddy, how will I say my safe word?” you tease, giggling at your own joke with the rest of the group. Yukio’s laugh seems the loudest. Ellie glares.

“We should practice a song!” Ned suggests.

“Ooh, a private show!” Liz seems excited.

“Any requests?” you ask her. Ellie’s resting scowl intensifies. If she’s more pissed off the more you open your mouth, you’re not sure how she’s gonna survive a night of you singing without going nuclear.

“Oh, oh, Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne, please?”

“You’ve got it,” you agree.

The song goes smoothly.

“What happened to the old singer?” Ellie asks, clearly unimpressed.

“You didn’t tell her?” you ask Yukio, grateful for the excuse to turn away from the sharp-tongued girl you adore.

“Didn’t want her to get the wrong impression,” Yukio explains. “She already makes enough rude comments towards you.” Yukio leans over her drum kit to give Ellie a pointed look.

“Oh, wait, shit, I didn’t mean it like that. You, uh, sound good, Y/N.”

You can’t help but whip your head back to look at her with a flabbergasted expression.

“What?! It’s true,” Ellie defends herself.

“Uh, yeah, but you just said something nice. About me. Liz, do you mind checking her for a fever?”

Liz obliges for the sake of going along with the joke before quickly withdrawing her hand.

“Jeez! I know you were kidding, but she’s burning up,” Liz declares.

“My internal temperature is higher due to my mutation,” Ellie quickly explains, looking a bit bashful. “Besides, I say nice shit about Y/N all the time.”

“No, you don’t,” the whole band says in unison, including you.

“Well, clearly I shouldn’t if everyone’s gonna make a big fucking deal about it,” she retorts, rolling her eyes. “I’m gonna go get some pictures of the decorations before there’s a bunch of fucking people here to block them.”

She stomps off in her heavy boots, and The Pangolins get back to work, putting on the final touches and making sure all the blocking looks right.

Soon enough, guests start flooding in, and Liz zips around to greet them, eventually meeting up with Peter and keeping him with her. He and Liz eventually pull Ellie away from her picture-taking, confident she’s done enough and needs to just relax and enjoy the party.

So much for distracting herself with work, she thinks.

They sit on the couch and eat, the dining room was monopolized by The Pangolins due to its elevation and space.

Ellie’s mesmerized by the way your fingers move until she hears Peter talking to Liz. They really are a cute couple.

“You really do need to hang out with us. Yukio told me Y/N thinks Ellie and I are a thing,” he says.

“Gross, you’re like my annoying little brother,” Ellie remarks.

“And you’re like my bitchy older sister,” Peter retorts with a shit-eating grin.

“Both of you, quiet! They’re about to play the new song. You’re in for a real treat, Ellie.”

“What does it have to do with me?”

Liz gives Peter a confused and slightly irritated look.

“I haven’t said anything to her, I didn’t know how,” Peter squeaks, blushing a little at the look in his girlfriend’s eyes.

“Explain, quickly,” Ellie demands.

But, then you start to sing again.

“Y/N-” Peter starts.

“Shut up.”

“But you asked-”

“I said, shut up,” Ellie insists.

“You know me as your boyfriend's goofy friend. I seem to have this effect on women, and your friends aren't as goofy as I am. I try my best to keep you entertained, always laughing at the jokes you are saying. I nod my head when you make a point, oh oh…

“Kiss me, kiss me with your eyes closed! Whisper that your heart shows all I want is you, yeah, you… Hold me, hold me I'm your bunny! Tell me I'm not funny, tell me I’m legit! ‘Cause I feel weak, in your hands and your feet… A precious end, I’ll never feel your touch…”

Ellie continues to listen to the song, all expression drained from her face. All the yearning in the words and your voice, all you want is…

Ellie looks at Peter, who’s looking at her with a triumphant smile.

“I told you.”

Ellie feels like she’s about to faint. She notices you’re talking to Liz— when did she leave? —your hand over your mic. Despite the knowledge that Liz is taken, Ellie gets jealous. You look so happy to be talking to Liz, to just about any girl you talk to.

She wishes you’d smile at her that way.

You nod at whatever Liz said, and the band starts packing away their instruments. Liz sets up her phone on some Bluetooth speakers, and songs that sounded so much better when you were singing them start to play.

No! Ellie internally protests. Sing for me again, please, sing that stupid song about how you think I don’t like you.

Yukio’s dragging you somewhere. Gosh, Ellie wishes it was her holding your hand.

Suddenly, though, you and Yukio are approaching her. She knows what she has to do.

“So, what’d you think of our- Eek! Finally!”

Ellie parts from the kiss to tell her to fuck off and not ruin the moment before kissing you again.

“Holy fucking shit,” you breathe. “Uh, I thought you were-“

“Dating Peter?! Seriously?! Do I need to write ‘dyke’ on my fucking forehead? I practically already have with the way I dress and act and-”

“I, uh, I try not to make assumptions,” you mumble, fingers touching your lips.

“I’m, uh, sorry for not asking.”

“No, it’s- It was good. I’ve wanted you to do that for a while. It’s just that that was the first time somebody’s kissed me, since, uh…” Your eyes dart to Yukio, who’s ruffling Ned’s hair and laughing.

“Yukio?!” Orange flickers in Ellie’s eyes for a moment, but she keeps it under control.

“No, no, of course not, uh… The old singer, Lola. She and Yukio were dating, but apparently I was the one she really had her sights on, and… She was entitled. Thought that because she wanted me, I must want her. That wasn’t really the case, I was already pining over you. Didn’t stop her from forcing a few kisses on me and trying to go further. If Yukio hadn't shown up early with cupcakes, I don’t know what would’ve happened.”

“I am such an asshole,” Ellie says softly. “Can I kiss you again? The right way.”

“I’d say what you did before was pretty right, but sure,” you consent.

Her kiss before had been rough, needy, and impatient. Just the way you like it. This, though, this is gentle, soft, and exploratory. You tangle your hands in her hair and kiss her harder. She moans into the kiss before pulling away, bewildered.

“That was…” Ellie trails off, trying to find a positive adjective that won’t sound to frilly or lovesick.

“A mistake, wasn’t it?”

“Oh, fuck, no. I’ve been wanting to do that for a long time,” she corrects you. “Just- Didn’t really know how. Even when you were kinda flirting with me at first, I just thought you were messing with me, so I- I am so stupid.”

“So am I,” you scoff. “I thought you were dating Peter.”

“I was spending a lot of time with him, but… I was just using him as an excuse to avoid you so I wouldn’t embarrass myself anymore. And I was asking him for advice. I figured if he could land somebody as far out of his league as Liz, maybe I stood the slightest bit of a chance with you. But I kept fucking it up. I’d just get so nervous, all of my compliments would turn into insults, all of my teasing turned into straight-up cruelty. I don’t know how you actually like me.”

“I’m a little bit of a masochist, I’ll admit,” you tell her. ���I’m really glad you don’t hate me.”

“I’m really glad you don’t hate me,” Ellie replies, but she can’t help but think that what she‘s really saying is ‘I love you, too.’

She takes your hand, and you two rejoin your friends, swept up in a group hug. They wanted this to happen almost as much as you two did.

[cacoetheswriting]

nsfw alphabet - berlin

A/N: (request): The title says it all so a smut warning is in place.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex?)

Believe it or not Berlin, or should you say Andrés, is quite affectionate after sex. He’ll press his body closely against yours and place intimate soft kisses across your collarbone. He’ll ask if you enjoyed yourself, if you need anything. However  most of all he likes to listen to you whispering words of affirmation. Knowing how much he means to you makes Berlin feel better about himself.

B = Body Part (their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Berlin’s favourite body part of yours is most definitely your ass. He loves how it looks in jeans, skirts, that red jumpsuit, but most of all he likes it bare. He’ll grab, caress, clasp and knead the flesh when you’re having sex - smack it when he can, even in public. 

When it comes to himself however he doesn't have a favourite body part per-say - anything he can use to pleasure you really. 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum basically)

He loves to come inside of you, of course. His cock pumping deep until he explodes and the white extract drips slowly down your thigh mixing with your own wetness. Although what he enjoys most of all is erupting in your mouth. Sometimes when he feels his own climax nearing he’ll pull out of your dripping pussy, climb up to straddle your face and plunge his wet hard-on into your mouth. It doesn't take long for the first shot of his cum to blast against the back of your throat - the gooey soo coating your tongue, filling your mouth completely and eventually being forced out between your lips. 

D = Dirty Secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Berlin secretly enjoys watching other people hit on you. There is something about the way you react, casually flirting back just to see if he'd get jealous, that gets his motor running. Of course he uses that drive to punish you for such flirtations the second he gets you alone.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

To say he's experienced would be an understatement, however, his sexual maturity is not what makes him so skilled at pleasuring you. Berlin took his time exploring your likes and dislikes in bed very early into your relationship. He can read your body like a map, knows where you’re most delicate and exactly what buttons to press to get you going. 

F = Favourite Position (this goes without saying)

As much as he revels in power play and taking charge in bed, there is something about the cowgirl position that Berlin cannot say no to. He loves the feeling of you kneeling on top and pushing off his chest as you slide up and down. His hands exploring your body freely, groping your ass, fingers pulling on your nipples. Not to mention how incredibly hot you look. 

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Definitely more on the serious side. He’ll tease you to assert power and make the infrequent dirty joke however overall Berlin is more somber when you’re in bed and focused on making you feel good rather than making you laugh. 

H = Hair (how well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He doesn’t really care about what he looks like down there. Occasionally he will clean himself up but it’s very rare. Not that you complain; in your opinion it makes him look more manly. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Berlin is not the romantic type. He enjoys being close to you and will shower you with affection but after sex rather than during.

J = Jack Off (masturbation headcanon)

He is not ashamed to admit he jacks off frequently; it is human nature after all. What he prefers though is to masturbate with you - usually as a form of foreplay. He’ll order you to pleasure yourself and watch you intensively and pumping his hard cock while you rub your clit. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

The dark haired thief very much has a BDSM kink. He doesn't get to act on it often but when he does, well it is safe to say you have trouble walking the next day.

L = Location (favourite places to do the do)

Anywhere and everywhere - you don't even have to be alone as long as you can be discreet. The mere thought of your naked body rubbing against his is enough to get him going, and once he’s turned on he simply must have you. It doesn't matter where you are; or who's around.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

A better question would be what doesn't get him going. Berlin gets turned on just by looking at you. There have been times even where he’d be looking at an object such as a table and his mind would wonder - how he’d love to bend you over that and have his way. 

N = NO (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Even though he doesn't mind other people flirting with you, a big no no is sharing you with anyone. You are his and his alone therefore threesomes or group sex is definitely off the table. 

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc,)

Receiving - and damn are you good at that. He loves looking down at you as your sweet lips are wrapped around his erect member. The sensation he gets as your tongue slides over his cock while you suck on the head. 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

He likes to pound you asserting dominance and power. Fingertips digging into your waist, his mouth kissing yours, he enjoys fucking you fast barely giving you a chance to breathe. Although when he wants to he can go slow, mainly to tease you are quite simply admire your beauty. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

It would be safe to say that he prefers quickies to conventional sex. He revels in the fact he can have you whenever he wants to; fuck you shamelessly leaving you breathless, legs quaking. Of course if the two of you have more time to spare he’ll pleasure you slowly, properly. Taking you bit by bit.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

As long as what he wants to try is okay with you, anything is fair game. He would never do anything to hurt you purposefully or make you uncomfortable therefore even though he is the dominant in your relationship, you need to approve whatever it is he’d like to do to you. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Usually one or two, maybe even three - depending how long and taxing each round is. 

T = Toy (do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

He is a proud owner of a few toys from various vibrators, handcuffs, spanking paddles, and even nipple clamps. He doesn't use them often, but when he does he makes you feel things you have never felt before. His favourite little toy to use on you is a remote controlled vibrator - pretty self explanatory. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Berlin is quite the tease although no bigger than you. In your relationship, you are the one that acts like a brat, petering and tormenting him. You know exactly which buttons to push to turn him on to the point of no return. 

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’ll mainly talk dirty to you, whisper all of the things he’s going to do to you, call you ‘his slut’ because he knows how hot and bothered that gets you. 

W = Wild Card (random headcanon for the character)

Despite his brooding and dominant exterior, Andrés is tender and compassionate. He always puts you first. Your comfort and safety are of utmost importance to him. He’ll hold your hand, embrace you when you least expect it, and listen to everything you have to say. He’s a great listener.

X = X-Ray (let’s see what’s going on in those pants)

Perhaps the biggest you’ve been with. He’s quite thick, and stretches you out well hitting all of the right spots. 

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Remarkably high. It surprised you at first because you wouldn't have expected it from the older brooding thief but you’ve come to appreciate and definitely enjoy it. 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

He’ll wait for you to fall asleep first; like a true gentleman. Once your eyes are closed and he can hear your soft elegant snores, he’ll snuggle even closer to you taking in your scent and drift to sleep with you safely in his arms.

-

[princesssarisa]

Some more “Little Women” remarks: the problem of Beth

I honestly think most commentary I’ve read about Beth’s character is bad, both academic and from casual readers.

I understand why. She’s a difficult character. Modern readers who love Little Women and want to celebrate it as a proto-feminist work need to contend with the presence of this thoroughly domestic, shy, sweetly self-effacing character, seemingly the opposite of everything a feminist heroine should be. Meanwhile, other readers who despise Little Women and consider it anti-feminist cite Beth as the embodiment of its supposedly outdated morals. Then there’s the fact that she’s based on Louisa May Alcott’s actual sister, Lizzie Alcott, and does show hints of the real young woman’s complexity, and yet she’s much more idealized than the other sisters, which often makes readers view her as more of a symbol (of what they disagree, but definitely a symbol) than a real person.

But even though the various bad takes on her character are understandable, they’re still obnoxious, and in my humble opinion, not founded in the text.

Here are my views on some of the critics’ opinions I least agree with.

“She’s nothing but a bland, boring model of feminine virtue.”

Of course it’s fair to find her bland and boring. Everyone is entitled to feel how they feel about any character. But she’s not just a cardboard cutout of 19th century feminine virtue. So many people seem to dismiss her shyness as just the maidenly modesty that conduct books used to encourage. But it seems blatantly obvious to me that it’s more than just that. Beth’s crippling shyness is actively portrayed as her “burden,” just like Jo’s temper or Meg and Amy’s vanity and materialism. She struggles with it. Her parents have homeschooled her because her anxiety made the classroom unbearable for her – no conduct book has ever encouraged that! In Part 1, she has a character arc of overcoming enough of her shyness to make new friends like Mr. Laurence and Frank Vaughn. Then, in Part 2, she has the arc of struggling to accept her impending death: she doesn’t face it with pure serenity, but goes through a long journey of both physical and emotional pain before she finds peace in the end. Her character arcs might be quieter and subtler than her sisters’, but she’s not the static figure she’s often misremembered as being.

‘She needs to die because her life has no meaning outside of her family and the domestic sphere.”

In all fairness, Beth believes this herself: she says she was “never meant” to live long because she’s just “stupid little Beth,” with no plans for the future and of no use to anyone outside the home. But for readers to agree with that assessment has massive unfortunate implications! The world is full of both women and men who – whether because of physical or mental illness, disability, autism, Down Syndrome, or some other reason – can’t attend regular school, don’t make friends easily, are always “young for their age,” don’t get married or have romantic relationships, aren’t able to hold a regular job, never live apart from their families, and lead quiet, introverted, home-based lives. Should we look at those real people and think they all need to die? I don’t think so! Besides, it seems to me that the book actively refutes Beth’s self-deprecation. During both of her illnesses, it’s made clear how many people love her and how many people’s lives her quiet kindness has touched – not just her family and few close friends, but the neighbors, the Hummels (of course), the local tradespeople she interacts with, and the children she sews gifts for who write her letters of gratitude. Then there’s the last passage written from her viewpoint before her death, where she finds Jo’s poem that describes what a positive influence her memory will always be, and realizes that her short, quiet life hasn’t been the waste she thought it was. How anyone can read that passage and still come away viewing her life as meaningless is beyond me.

“She needs to die because she symbolizes a weak, outdated model of femininity.”

SparkNotes takes this interpretation of Beth and it annoys me to think of how many young readers that study guide has probably taught to view her this way. No matter how feisty and unconventional Louisa May Alcott was, and no mater how much she personally rebelled against passive, domestic femininity, would she really have portrayed her beloved sister Lizzie as “needing to die” because she was “too weak to survive in the modern world”? Would she really have turned Lizzie’s tragic death into a symbol of a toxic old archetype’s welcome death? But even if Beth were a purely fictional character and not based on the author’s sister, within the text she’s much too beloved and too positive an influence on everyone around her for this interpretation to feel right. This seems less like a valid reading of her character and more like wishful thinking on the part of some feminist scholars.

“She's a symbol of pure goodness who needs to die because she’s Too Good For This Sinful Earth™.”

Enough with the reasons why Beth “needs to die”! At least this one isn’t insulting. But I don’t think it’s really supported by the text either. If she were a symbol of goodness too pure for this world, then she wouldn’t forget to feed her pet bird for a week and lose him to starvation. She wouldn’t get snappish when she’s bored, even if she does only vent her frustration on her doll. She wouldn’t struggle with social anxiety, or dislike washing dishes, or be explicitly described as “not an angel” by the narrator because she can’t help but long for a better piano than the one she has. Now of course those flaws (except for accidentally letting her bird die) are minute compared to her sisters’. It’s fair to say that only “lip service” is paid to Beth’s humanity in an otherwise angelic portrayal. But it seems clear that Alcott did try to make her more human than other saintly, doomed young girls from the literature of her day: she’s certainly much more real than little Eva from Uncle Tom’s Cabin, for example.

“She’s destroyed by the oppressive model of femininity she adheres to.”

This argument holds that because Beth’s selfless care for others causes her illness, her story’s purpose is to condemn the expectation that women toil endlessly to serve others. But if Alcott meant to convey that message, I’d think she would have had Beth get sick by doing some unnecessary selfless deed. Helping a desperately poor, single immigrant mother take care of her sick children isn’t unnecessary. That’s not the kind of selflessness to file under “things feminists should rebel against.”

“She’s a symbol of ideal 19th century femininity, whom all three of her sisters – and implicitly all young female readers – are portrayed as needing to learn to be like.”

Whether people take this view positively (e.g. 19th and early 20th century parents who held up Beth as the model of sweet docility they wanted from their daughters) or negatively (e.g. feminists who can’t forgive Alcott for “remaking Jo in Beth’s image” by the end), I honestly think they’re misreading the book. I’ve already outlined the ways in which Beth struggles and grows just like her sisters do. If any character is portrayed as the ideal woman whom our young heroines all need to learn to be like, it’s not Beth, it’s Marmee. She combines aspects of all her daughters’ best selves (Meg and Beth’s nurturing, Jo’s strong will and Amy’s dignity) and she’s their chief source of wise advice and moral support. Yet none of her daughters become exactly like her either. They all maintain their distinct personalties, even as they grow. Admittedly, Beth’s sisters do sometimes put her on a pedestal as the person they should emulate – i.e. Amy during Beth’s first illness and Jo in the months directly after her death. But in both of those cases, their grief-inspired efforts are short-lived and they eventually go back to their natural boldness and ambitions. They just combine them with more of Beth’s kindness and unselfishness than before.

“She wills her own death.”

Of all these interpretations, this one is possibly the most blatantly contradicted by the text. Just because Beth’s fatal illness is vague and undefined beyond “she never recovered her strength after her scarlet fever” doesn’t mean it's caused by a lack of “will to live”; just because she interprets her lack of future plans or desire to leave home to mean that she’s “not meant to live long” doesn’t mean she’s so afraid to grow up that she wants to die. It’s made very clear that Beth wants to get well. Even though she tries to hide her deep depression from her family and face death willingly, she’s still distraught to have her happy life cut short.

I’ll admit that I’m probably biased, because as as a person on the autism spectrum who’s also struggled with social anxiety and led an introverted, home-based life, I personally relate to Beth. If I didn’t find her relatable, these interpretations would probably annoy me less. But I still think they’re based on a shallow overview of Beth’s character, combined with disdain for girls who don’t fit either the tomboyish “Jo” model or the sparkling “Amy” model of lively, outgoing young womanhood, rather than a close reading of the book.

[ifeelallwrite]

Let’s talk about Hospital Playlist. (KDRAMA REVIEW)

note: does contain spoilers

When people ask me what is my favorite Korean drama of all time, with no doubt, IT’S HOSPITAL PLAYLIST. This drama has the comic relief, the emotional scenes, realistic characters-just to name a few. No toxic relationships and petty revenge fights. Nothing else will stop me for saying that this is the ultimate feel good drama.

SYNOPSIS: The drama shows insights into the daily lives of doctors and nurses working at Yulje Medical Hospital. It focuses on 5 doctors who have been friends since medical school, who also play together as a band.

This drama encompasses so many elements and characters so bear with me yo this might be real long 

Hospital Playlist is produced/written by the Shin-Lee PD and writer pairing, whose previous works were the renowned Reply trilogy and Prison Playbook (which are *chef’s kiss*) I really like that all their dramas really highlight humanism, and puts emphasis on creating a heartwarming and realistic series. There isn’t always a major conflict to be resolved, but instead it showcases how different people-in this case mostly those in the medical field-go on about their daily lives.  I also liked their reasoning to produce a medical drama which was that hospitals were where the most dramatic moments occurred, for example during births, deaths or sickness. And since we are still in the Covid-19 pandemic, it ties in greatly to be paying homage to all the medical personnel saving lives. Hence, props to those who were involved in this meaningful masterpiece <3

The drama is not the usual 16 episodes, but has 12 episodes for each season (SEASON 2 IS COMING SOON YAAS) Good thing is I felt that they were still able to weave a dynamic storyline in the first season even with lesser episodes. The writing was just top-notch with the witty humor bits. Additionally, the music is AMAZING. I love the concept of the main characters being a band and playing different songs every episode too.

Okay, now onto the characters. I thought that every character in this drama was well rounded. Starting of with the main five characters, also known as The 99ers, whose distinctive personalities and natural chemistry make all of them extremely likeable. All main characters are professors of different specialties, and I find the male OB-GYN (Seokhyeong) and female neurosurgeon (Songhwa) very refreshing. Also, I like Shin-Lee dramas always have characters that might be realistic yet hardly seen in other dramas or films. For example, Professor Ahn Jeongwon. Despite being a chaebol (inheritor/heir), he isn’t depicted as a spoilt brat or a cold character, instead as a warm Pediatric doctor who uses his wealth to secretly support patients in need. However it makes him stingy to his friends LOL

To be honest, I really thought I was gonna dislike Junwan due to his cold and tsundere nature. I pretty much believed that he was going to be the party pooper type of the bunch, but with the writer being a master of character development, he turned out to be really sincere and hilarious at times. Same for Ikjun, who apart from his enthusiastic and happy go lucky exterior, cares the most about the people around him. Although Seokhyeong seemed detached and introverted, he shows a emotional side to his friends as well as his mother. Songhwa is literally a girlboss though haha she’s smart, capable and gets along with everyone well. And she’s the most sane out of the bunch. 

With all the main characters, we have the relationships. Junwan is the first to date seriously with Iksun (the dog or Micky? jkjk) who is Ikjun’s sister. When it first happened I was like not again Jung Kyung Ho (bc he dated his best friend’s sis in prison playbook too LMAO) I think their relationship was realistic and open. It also showed a more sensitive side to Junwan who would do anything for her. I especially liked how he said he didn’t need access to her phone because he trusted her. Yet as all couples do, they have their fair share of ups and downs. Like conflicts on getting married and a long distance relationship as Iksun moves overseas for graduate studies. I don’t really know how to take the ambiguous ending for these two, as Junwan receives the returned box (that has the ring he sent) I really hope nothing bad happens to these two though.

I’m sure we all love Wintergarden couple though, tbh they’re kinda my OTP at the moment 🤣 It was pretty much a ‘will they won’t they’ relationship with a relatively slow build. I think Gyeoul turned out to be one of my favourite characters. Shin Hyun Been did a good job at portraying her as a straightforward but innocent Resident, who is pretty much openly crushing on Jeongwon. The scenes they had together were adorably awkward (and the scene where he gives her chocopies omg) And when Jeongwon battles his inner conflict to become a priest, the final decision where they kiss was beautifully shot, with the actors both showcasing their emotions extremely well. 

Then we have Chihong who pursues Songhwa, his professor. Midway through the drama, it is also shown that Ikjun and Songhwa might have had romantic feelings for each other. Songhwa ends up rejecting Chihong’s confession. In my opinion, Chihong was quite a interesting character but I didn’t really like him at the end. (I like the actor though) He did a real jerk move during drinking games, insisting on Ikjun to confess his feelings towards her even though he is already trying not to put Songhwa in an awkward spot. Although his character did end up making a cool exit and when I thought about his incredible story of soldier to doctor, I kinda regret disliking him that much. As for IkSong, In the final episode Ikjun confesses to her one last time, and we are left waiting for Songhwa’s reply. As much as I love this pairing, I don’t think that the ship will sail or maybe not as quickly as we think. I believe Songhwa would meticulously consider the sacrifices to their friendship or other aspects and might not be able to bring herself to it, but I hope it’s otherwise. 

Lastly not forgetting Seokhyeong and Minha, another Professor+resident pairing. This one’s a bit ambiguous though, mainly because there hasn’t been much romantic development. To me, the most impactful scene came from Minha who had been irritated by continuous night shifts and was on the verge of a breakdown. She ended up remarkably saving a patient, starting off surgery on her own for the first time. Oh man Minha was such a lovable character, I remember feeling so bad for her but extremely proud of her for her accomplishment. Although Seokhyeong seemed a bit aloof and distant (which was intentional bc he’s an introvert) I think the backstory and all the hardships he faced with his family really made me feel for him. I hate to break it to you, but I’m not so sure if the ship will sail because of the phone call from his ex-wife and Minha’s somewhat rejected confession. But who knows, they might pull off a twist 👀

Apart from all these characters, there are more characters HHAHAH However, I think this is the killing point of ShinLee dramas. Unlike typical dramas which usually focuses on a main character and 2-3 side characters, they like to cast a diverse range of actors (especially those from theatre/musicals and lesser known drama/movie actors) while actually give their characters personality or a reason to be there. I’ve seen many dramas where extras or side characters were kind of irrelevant thus making me feel that they weren’t needed to build the storyline, yet ShinLee dramas hit different y’all. Every role, no matter how small, holds significance to the drama. It really seemed like a collaborative work that shows off every actors skills (and not forgetting staffs) and teamwork.

Anyways because there are way too many characters and too many scenes for me to mention them all, I’ll just talk about some honourable mentions heheh

1. Sunbin and Seokmin confession scene (ahh so cute)

I kinda sensed that they liked each other at the start but I didn’t know Seokmin would ask her out on a date at the end. Even though it’s kinda awkward that they are dating and working with each other though (both are in the same department) but hey the confession was cute and awkward and just warm and fuzzy 🥰

2. MAMA ROSA IS THE QUEENN

I think we all (would) love Mama Rosa because she’s a real one ☝️ (probably the coolest mother ever) She’s feisty, hilarious and kind to others. Plus her friendship with Ju Jong Su was just adorable and super wholesome. The scenes where they were supporting one another through tough times and hanging out with each other when they felt lonely always put a smile on my face. Oh and how Mama Rosa treated Gyeoul was extremely sweet. (as well as Seokhyeong’s mother) Despite her tough exterior, she’s a likeable character for being a strong but caring woman.

3. Just Do Jae Hak

I seriously love this guy so muchhh omg he’s so funny

Do Jae Hak has a funny amd clumsy personality, though it’s clear he’s been through a lot and is strong willed person. From admitting his indecisiveness to counselling Jun Wan on his love issues, there’s literally nothing to hate about him.

4. Uju and his dadd

The father and son chemistry between these two is so good omg. The scenes with these two are so adorable and heartwarming (not to mention hilarious) It’s amazing to see how Ikjun cares so much for Uju despite his hectic workdays while going through infidelity issues with his ex-wife. Uju is matured for his age and shows his love and appreciation for his dad too, making their interaction a great portrayal of a healthy family relationship💞

5. the food stealing the show🥘

Who doesn’t love food and when a show has great food scenes? Some of the best scenes are definitely when the 99s gather to eat. It really showcases each character’s personality with the tiniest details as well as highlight warm delicious meals. Just don’t watch this when you’re hungry at 2am in the morning guys you’ll be drooling all over your screens HAHAHA

Of course there are way more aspects, like Hongdo and Yoonbok, Ikjun and Iksun’s pigeon jokes and raps, or Jeongwon drunk crying in the chicken shop with his brother (who was his coach in Reply 1994 when he played Chilbong LOL)

Most importantly, I think it is the themes and messages that you get from the drama that really create such a lasting impression. Not only does it hit you in the feels with the hardships of hospital patients, or the hardworking doctors+nurses who are working long shifts saving lives, it also tackles topics of friendships through the possibilities of platonic and friends-to-lovers relationships. However I think the biggest lesson for me came from Seokhyeong, who learns to live his life doing what he want, with the people he treasures. Although the drama might seem slow at times (mainly because there isn’t really a main plot line/conflict occurring), but this drama would still bring you on a journey where you would laugh, cry and finish the series, begging for season 2 ✌🏻

[floralkittygambler]

Based on the new signed work for hazbin

looks like shitty h/skerd/st may end up canon, even though once again husk looks uncomfortable and pissed off by angel, but you cant literally criticise angel without the whole fucking fandom and even staff get pissy with you. accept that not everyones gonna love him, and folks like me whove been victims to these sorts *really* dont fucking like him (to be clear, his predatory nature of not accepting husk saying no but magically accepting other's no, incl alastors. also he tried to force a kiss from husk, similar to how his boss does to him so theres no fucking excuses. its disgusting and male victims of sex crimes are fucking valid, so stop excusing angels actions. he didnt deserve to be a victim but hes not doing favours by making a victim out of husk. its clear harassment. not cute or tsundere either, vile fujoshis-). but most relate or love angel so validate this shit, much like viv and her staff and vas. revolting. he also gives sw a bad name when hes fucking harassing folks bc sw isnt like that - you dont just harass someone. nor is sex your entire identity.

ugh fed up man. im starting to enjoy this fandom so little yet the few characters i am attached to keep me around. hell ive said before ive been around husk like people and they often really dislike angel types, whereas angel types adore them rather shallowly tbh. yeah but honestly this fandom and the clowns running it will find an excuse for angel and avoid those actually affected as always. big surprise...

husk physically resembles angels brother, dad and client, and is similar to the first two. its this toxic bond of angel wanting that love he never got from them. basic science. plus both addicts and one being older than his fuckin dad means realistically it wouldnt work. love does not cure everything nor should be pushed to. ones uncomfortably forced into it, and his bonding moments makes husk ooc because hes portrayed totally different to how he would be. again, experience. overall we get enough of this toxic, forced shit in media. just stop.

angel needs to sort his own shit before being with a guy. and then he needs to be with a guy on his level, around his age and mentality whos in a healthy spot. someone similar to him. hell a male cherri bomb would suit. as for husk, he needs a lot more work thatll take far longer. he needs to love himself and work through his own shit and be like that for awhile first. seen it first hand kill so

before anyone goes 'its fiction' yeah? well then explain how shit like many toxic ideals in romcoms or hell, how male victims of sex crimes are treated as a fucking joke still when its not funny, or hey how about that the only chemistry is this bitter distaste and onesidedness thats shallow af. or how shit like 'killing stalking' and whatnot are seen as cute romances by fans very similar to the point its this sorta dumb shit people romanticise, fantasize and normalise - young people. hell adults too esp immature ones.

its not healthy.

its really not.

and being on the receiving end makes you sick to your stomach and paranoid on others intentions for you.

every glance or touch is an attack. every remark, a hidden message. thats what we're left with.

as for the blokes, they get the extra of being a 'joke' and not a 'real man', that they should 'enjoy' it.

fuck off

also to grow you need to accept not everyone will like or love you. angel irl and in fiction seems mostly adored whether its shallow or not. making a character that dislikes him be his lover is a shit cop out and bad writing just like helluva. we get it, he hates rejection. dont we all. but no one grows without it. hell angel wold benefit from a guy telling him no and sticking to that for him to just accept.

because media shows that fandoms and celebs are now littered full of spoilt folks getting their own ways, seeing any critique or disinterest as 'hate' and being the most entitled buncha twats going. not everyones going to love you or care and that doesnt mean theyre a hater. if viv actually wants a likeable character with flaws to grow, she'd actually show angel's bad as not just him being a fucking victim as its just a mix of victim blaming and entitlement to get what he wants for being a victim when life aint fair. show him with traits more widely despicable thatll shock fans. actually show him accepting people not liking him and being ok rather than forcing himself on them until they do. fucking disgusting. though everyone thinks thats cute. bloody weird-

just like his creator, he wont grow and improve. theyve hired a fucking r'pe fetisher for gods sake. the whole viv and hired folks are a mess...

[captain-sili]

I had to hop on the train with this! This is my Wayfarer character for @idrellegames awesome game! I used this for the image. I hope to be able to get some art done of them soon!

Name: Myst Cenric (formerly Ulstyre)

Gender: Nonbinary (They/Them)

Height: 5' 6"

Age: 31

Aliases: Mysty

Ancestry: Half Melusine/Half Human

Origin: Child of the Seas

Place of Birth: Coveran Republic

Wayfarer Master: Rindan Cenric

Weapon Name: Serpent's Fang

Scars: A large gash across the chest from a duel gone wrong (they might have sassed just a tad too much)

Tattoos: A beautiful sea dragon with purple and cyan scales, and a few crimson accent scales on the tail that wraps around the left arm.

Other marks/bits: Stripe like birthmarks on the face, many freckles that have a slight bioluminescense to them in the dark, scleras of eyes a light teal colour instead of white. Piercings above the left eyebrow and the right ear.

Personality: Tends to be more on the playful and sarcastic side. They have a talent at cracking silly jokes at the best worst times to help calm things down. Even in a fight they will make wise remarks and have a flamboyant flair to things. They know how to get serious real quick if it comes down to the people they care about in trouble. They're a bit slow to trust, but once you've managed to gain their trust and friendship, they'll defend you with their life. Despite the outwardly appearance of being more carefree, they often feel inferior to even other Wayfarers. It's hard for them to unlearn the lack of self work they often feel.

Strengths/Weaknesses: They favour persuasion and Perception, preferring to analyze and talk before taking physical action. They can be fairly agile, but have been known to be a clutz when stealthing. Strength is their weakest point, but if you harm their friends you'd never guess that.

Massacre at the Spire: Myst was devastated to hear of what happened at the Spire. Despite knowing there would have been nothing they could have done to change the outcome, they can't help but partially blame themselves for not being there to help.

Leaving Home: Myst was grateful to leave their family for the Order. Despite their love for the sea and having lived a fair portion of their life so far on and off ships, they grew tired of being given the shitty grunt work that was pawned off on them so others wouldn't have to see them. To this day they are grateful and have no regrets of leaving that life behind.

Songs:

Relationships: Myst has never put too much thought on pursuing a romantic relationship. They never really felt they had a chance at such a thing, despite how much they long to be with a partner or two.

Magic: They feel mostly neutral about magic. They used to resent people who had it, but they've learned to accept how they are and that there is nothing wrong with not having magic.

If they weren't a Wayfarer: Myst would have likely run off one day after their parents ship landed ashore. They would have spent years just traveling around and doing odd jobs to survive. They would have tried to convince a ships crew to allow them to join their crew as an Entertainer/musician.

Clothing Style: They like to try and be fashionable when they can. What this fashion style is though, no one knows. Their typical outfit is fairly simple but elegant. They always have some form of necklace or strings around their neck. They tend to wear fitting but not tight clothing. They most often wear blues and teals, but will also wear purples sometimes. If they could afford it, they would definitely purchase a loose fitting outfit to just lounge around in. They will go a little overboard on formal wear if they have the ability to do so in a way that shows they know they were supposed to dress formal, but they didn't quite fit the theme.

Likes: Odd drinks and foods (like weird combinations or mixes of drinks, especially weird teas and fruits), fruity alcohols, the sea (really any deep water), stormy nights, physical affection (but only with those they trust well), singing and dancing, sassing Aeran.

Dislikes: Heights, spiders, very spicy food, being seen as weak, being seen as uncaring/only in it for the money, coffee.

[valiantarcher]

I have random and assorted thoughts on my Constance Savery reads over the past couple of weeks. I’ve categorised them by work (Magic in My Shoes, “The Waswytch Secret”, The Reb and the Redcoats, The Good Ship Red Lily, and Enemy Brothers) so those who haven’t read all of them have the option to (hopefully easily) scroll past the unread ones if they so desire. I have also put them under the cut due to length.

Magic in My Shoes: I enjoyed Sally as the narrator, and the premise was engaging even with me knowing the secret early in the book. I was a little surprised by the accusations of ill-nourishment and neglect against Aunt Persis, but in retrospect, I appreciate that realism - four growing children are not going to flourish off even generous portions for two of them. Which brings me to my main complaint - Tandy and his unwillingness to see gorging himself was selfish and wrong on many levels. Despite the thin excuse that he had been delicate and sickly at times in the past, I really expected Josset (with Laurence’s support) to put his foot down instead of continuing to baby him (after all, as someone remarked, triplets are all of the same age). Tandy didn’t ruin the story for me, but he made certain parts of it very irritating. I did love the plan involving ten-year-old Laurence becoming a schoolteacher and, when Aunt Persis declared that was nonsense, all the children bring up a moral tale with a six-year-old being so studious that she became a teacher as solid proof.

“The Waswytch Secret”: Given that it was in a collection of ghost stories (well, sort of - most had some sort of haunting element, if only a little, but I’m still not sure why “The Red-Headed League” was included), I wasn’t sure what to expect at first. It was thoroughly Savery, though, and an enjoyable read with an element of mystery. It felt slightly different from her novels, and I think that was due to the choice of one of the younger children as narrator.

Reb and Redcoats: This was a reread and I found it a pretty fun one this time around. Randal’s integration into and relationship with the Darringtons was charming. I couldn’t decide whether Tim Wingate’s inaptitude for stealth and secrecy was more irritating or amusing, but I swung towards the latter by the end, especially given his cheerful nature. My main gripe is that I still feel like the Patty switch was kind of cheating.

The Good Ship Red Lily: I struggled with this one a lot even past (or maybe because of) the tense start. Violet was a horrible child, and I loathed Ingram and disliked Sir Timon. Objectively, of course it’s good that there was reconciliation with Ingram and that he repented and asked forgiveness, but I could not make myself invested in it (though the tiny glimpses we had of it from Michael’s perspective helped a little). I enjoyed Toby as primary character a lot and especially appreciated his resolution to deny the pleasures when he felt accepting them would go against his conscience. I wasn’t very pleased with the treatment of Patience, though - Toby said the others didn’t join him in his denial because they were too young to understand; while that certainly makes sense for the younger ones (and Violet is a category in and of herself), Patience is a year older than him and - although not privy to all the knowledge and trust from their father that Toby is - was Toby’s confidant about plans to escape. She showed a lack of wisdom in following Violet up the chimney, but that could partially have been explained by her caregiving to the younger children. Regardless, especially since all knew about Ingram’s betrayal, I think Patience at least should have been given a reason for not seeing the pleasures as a betrayal of their father instead of being pushed to the side and under the general but false umbrella of “too young to understand”.

Enemy Brothers: Especially after The Good Ship Red Lily, I was afraid this one might not live up to the positive recollection I had of it - but it didn’t disappoint. I very much appreciated that, although Dym was the one who had a special connection with Tony, Tony belonged to the entire family and they to him. I know Tony takes it lightly at the end and chalks it up to their keenness for detective work, but James and Porgy cycling 60 miles after him and the German in the car was no small thing. And, while it bugs me a little bit that Ginger doesn’t recgonise Tony despite the marked resemblance to Dym, I’ll let it go with the idea that he thinks he’s familiar but his brain doesn’t provide the correct context while on ship. I have a new appreciation for Dym. On one hand, of course he is gentle and doesn’t take harm easily from Tony - he’s been searching for Tony for years and so he’s been choosing to love Tony for years. And, on the other, you can tell he still hasn’t forgiven Max’s Mutti for stealing Tony and just how much effort it takes for him to choose to tell Tony to still love her and that he will take him to see her after the war. I also appreciate the honesty that Dym had in discussing England’s past and how they were not always on the side of right but that this time, they were. Also, Dym was a bomber pilot! I don’t know the exact statistics, but this was an incredibly dangerous job. I’m sure it varied some between organizations and aircraft, but if you were on the crew of a US B-17 bomber doing runs, the odds were you would only make it halfway through the 25 runs (I believe that’s right for the year it was published?) you were supposed to before being killed, captured, or severely injured. Even if you beat the odds and made it through all those runs (as some did), you would have had multiple crewmembers who did not and so would not have kept your full crew together (Were there rare exceptions to this, crews who made it all together? I hope so, but I don’t know). At any rate, when Euphemia comments to Dym and his friends to leave croquet until the summer when it was warmer and the way they all looked at each other for a moment as if there was no certainty that summer would come hit hard this time. (Oh, I just found someone noting that the RAF flew night missions and had a higher casualty rate than the US bombers, though it did depend on the year, of course - if they weren’t in the worst year yet, they were heading into it.) And the moment when Tony finds Dym and comes up behind him, nervous and afraid, and whispers “Please, George, I’ve come back” is just wonderful. I think there’s an idea of fear and justice vs. love and mercy, along with the hope that the choice of coming back will make a difference, but I haven’t figured out how to put it into words. I’m actually kind of shocked this book has never been made into a movie or a mini-series, especially when WWII stories have been so popular in somewhat recent years. But perhaps the strong Christian threads have put producers off (...not that that’s stopped others from mangling or removing them from other works).

The Good Ship Red Lily and Enemy Brothers: Enemy Brothers feels like a kind of inverse of The Good Ship Red Lily. Both books deal with children meeting and spending time with family members (and because of kidnapping, no less) and making decisions as to where home is and who true family is, but the role of the family is drastically different. In Red Lily, the dapper uncle is the kidnapper. Ingram tries to act like he is filling the kind, wise, but fun adult role and the children do love him for that. However, he is directly and actively responsible for their kidnapping, for previous imprisonment of their father, and for the current attempt to capture their father. In Enemy Brothers, Dym is ostensibly in the enemy role (being English and responsible for Tony’s “imprisonment” in the White Priory), but his actions are kind, loving, and (mostly) wise. Even when Tony is hating him, he can’t deny there’s a magnetism around Dym that all the children, including him, recognise and respond to. It’s not quite that serious, but I am reminded of the exchange in The Fellowship of the Ring about the enemy’s agents seeming fair but feeling foul, while the good may look foul but feel fair. But where an understanding of Ingram’s true nature leads Toby to separate from him and his grandfather, a deeper understanding of Dym and his true character helps Tony to make the hard but right decision about his home and family. In both cases, repentance and returning bring about reconciliation and restoration, but Ingram is the one repenting in Red Lily, confessing and asking forgiveness of his brother. In Enemy Brothers, Tony is the one who comes back, finally seeking the brother who has sought him for so long. He doesn’t ask for forgiveness from his brother in words and indeed doesn’t need to because his actions speak so loudly of it, but is fully received with love and restored.

[madara-fate]

While i do know Gabi did eventually change ( thankfully) i think my general dislike came from her over the top hatred of the eldians ( her own people) and her worship of the people who oppressed her people.

Also the reason i mentioned the older warriors..Annie, Bertholt, and Reiner was because by the time we as readers saw who they really were.. they were already so conflicted about if they were right or not they were literally forgetting who they actually were, even when Bertholt called them devils its seems like he didn't believe it himself. Annie even cried when they had to kill Marco.

It might be because we already knew these characters and they never seemed hostile or bad people then when they did reveal themselves they were on the fence about it all and seemed to hate the position they were in, they were already seeing how horrible it all was and it tore them up to follow through with their plan. So thats probably why its easier with those three..

But when we first meet Gabi.. She was so up in your face with her dislike of her own race.. She very vocal about it when technically she was no different. She just seems so self hating and it rubs me the wrong way. We never really saw that blind eldian hatred from Annie, Bertholt and Reiner. Bertholt and Reiner i felt started self loathing not because they are eldian but because they realized the were wrong and were betraying their friends.

Also with Falco and the other candidates they were more calm about the whole thing and seemed to be just going with the flow and following orders to survive and hopefully better their family situation to not be seen in a negative light any longer.

But Gabi seemed different right from the get go she really believed her race were actual devils.. She seemed so self hating that she was willing to turn into the very thing that made her people devils and hated and ostracized in the first place.

But at the same time she came off as self righteous, due to her believing she ( even though she was also a "devil") that she was special enough to be one of the exceptions. Like i said the others weren't all in your face about it like she was...maybe that's what makes her more unlikable.

While i do know Gabi did eventually change ( thankfully) i think my general dislike came from her over the top hatred of the eldians ( her own people) and her worship of the people who oppressed her people.

I certainly agree with the fact that Gabi's hatred of the Paradis Eldians was a lot more prominent than any other warrior, so readers obviously have more opportunities to call her out on her bullshit since she displayed her anti Paradis attitude a lot more frequently than the other warriors did. I just don't like it when people hate on her for being stubborn, stupid, gullible etc, all while giving the older warriors a pass, despite the fact that Gabi actually came to doubt her beliefs far sooner than they all did.

Furthermore, I wouldn't say that Gabi worshiped the Marleyans. Everything she did, she did for the sake of the Eldians on Marley who she was made to believe were the "good" Eldians. She wasn't striving to become a warrior out of love for the Marleyan people, she was doing so in order to free her fellow Eldians from the Internment Zone. They were her motivation, not Marley.

Also the reason i mentioned the older warriors..Annie, Bertholt, and Reiner was because by the time we as readers saw who they really were.. they were already so conflicted about if they were right or not they were literally forgetting who they actually were, even when Bertholt called them devils its seems like he didn't believe it himself. Annie even cried when they had to kill Marco.

I understand in that sense, that it's easier to hate on Gabi for her views because that was your first impression of her, whereas with the other warriors, we got to know them as scouts before we knew them as the Marleyan warriors. I suppose it just grates on me a little bit because but it's still obviously unfair to throw more hate in Gabi's direction due to first impressions. All of their inner conflict came years later, Gabi's came after weeks. Yes, her hatred was a lot more pronounced which made her an easy target for reader discontent, but that's not only because her convictions were always a lot greater than their's (which is an admirable trait to have), but also because Gabi's hatred was being targeted towards characters we had grown to love, so it may also be a matter of perspective there. If we had been following Gabi and her peers since the beginning rather than the Survey Corps, I would love to see the drastic shift in her support.

It might be because we already knew these characters and they never seemed hostile or bad people then when they did reveal themselves they were on the fence about it all and seemed to hate the position they were in, they were already seeing how horrible it all was and it tore them up to follow through with their plan. So thats probably why its easier with those three..

Yeah, nothing more needs to be said really. Gabi was put in the unfortunate position of being introduced as being really passionate about the very harmful and prejudiced ideals she was brainwashed into believing, and this was at a time when the readers were all fully aware of what was going on. Therefore, it was really easy to get frustrated with her for believing what we all knew to be lies. I just don't think it's fair that Gabi gets far more hate for this than any of the older warriors, despite her coming to terms with the truth a lot sooner than they did. This is especially true when we consider just how determined and adamant about it she was as well. She displayed more tenacity towards her objectives and belief in the Marleyan brainwashing than any other warrior apart from maybe Reiner, and yet she came to terms with the truth a lot quicker than all of them other than Falco. I think she deserves plaudits for that.

But when we first meet Gabi.. She was so up in your face with her dislike of her own race.. She very vocal about it when technically she was no different. She just seems so self hating and it rubs me the wrong way. We never really saw that blind eldian hatred from Annie, Bertholt and Reiner. Bertholt and Reiner i felt started self loathing not because they are eldian but because they realized the were wrong and were betraying their friends.

I understand and agree with the point of finding it easier to criticise Gabi due to how vocal she was about her hatred for the Paradis Eldians. However, we did see that type of brainwashed infused hatred from Reiner, we just didn't have the opportunity to see it as much with him or any of the older warriors because the main story began after they had already started questioning themselves. That just links back my point regarding Gabi being put into an unfortunate position due to being introduced that way so late on.

Also with Falco and the other candidates they were more calm about the whole thing and seemed to be just going with the flow and following orders to survive and hopefully better their family situation to not be seen in a negative light any longer.

They were definitely a lot calmer, no arguments there, and that just goes back to my point regarding the strength of Gabi's convictions. She and Eren had frightening levels of drive and motivation, but many fans didn't give her the credit she was due for that, simply because her motivations were towards a goal that was in opposition to the Paradis Eldians who we had grown attached to. If we had been seeing things from her perspective since the beginning, I'm all but certain that her fierce convictions would have garnered her praise, rather than near universal hatred from the fandom.

She was wiling to cross no man's land into enemy territory by herself, with nothing but hand grenades, in order to disable the armoured train, so that the 800 Eldians in the bunker didn't have to sacrifice themselves during the war.

She was willing to sacrifice herself to board the Paradis aircraft by herself, to get some measure of revenge in honour of her home town, which had just been devastated into oblivion.

If we just detach Gabi's character from her initial hatred of the Paradis Eldians, and observe these feats of mental fortitude, it is actually quite remarkable that her sense of purpose towards the Eldians on Marley and her home, was that strong.

But Gabi seemed different right from the get go she really believed her race were actual devils.. She seemed so self hating that she was willing to turn into the very thing that made her people devils and hated and ostracized in the first place.

As far as we know, apart from Falco, they all really believed that the Paradis Eldians were devils. She was more vocal about it, but I wouldn't say that she was any different. It also didn't help that probably every time a slight hint of doubt would accidentally creep into Gabi's mind, like when Reiner unwittingly described Paradis island as having many kinds of people rather than them being all bad, and Gabi questioned this, she had her aunt right there to ensure that she kept on believing what Marley wanted them to believe.

But at the same time she came off as self righteous, due to her believing she ( even though she was also a "devil") that she was special enough to be one of the exceptions. Like i said the others weren't all in your face about it like she was...maybe that's what makes her more unlikable.

But that self righteousness that you're speaking of was a direct result of Marley's brainwashing. That wasn't something that she innately thought or naturally believed. Gabi believed that she was an exception to the Paradis Eldians because that's what she had been taught. That's why I can't really hate on her for that - because she was conditioned to think this way.

I definitely understand how frustrating it often was to listen to her spout shit about the "Eldian Devils" every other sentence, but I suppose I just found it a lot easier than most fans to separate the unnatural traits of her character that were drilled into her by the Marleyan brainwashing (like her belief that she was different from the Paradis Eldians), from the natural traits of her character that were always part of who she truly is (like her love for her home Liberio, her Eldian comrades on Marley, and her fiercely powerful convictions).

[iiinejghafa]

Thoughts on secret forest s2! this is quite long lol fair warning

Overall, I enjoyed this season and don’t come away disappointed by it at all because it’s clear it serves as a “part one”/lead-in to season 3 in many ways. I think it suffered from being pulled in too many directions with respect to both plot and the chronology of the show; it felt like the writer was trying to balance keeping season 1 events relevant, setting up for season 3 (which at this point is undoubtedly about Hanjo and/or the resolution of investigative rights), and creating a self-contained story, whereas season 1, while admittedly not saddled with the burden of a prior story/season or certainty of a follow-up, was conclusive and wrapped up all the major ends. I think if more of the Hanjo stuff had been saved for season 3, or their role in the Woo-Choi case was wrapped up conclusively, it would have led to a tighter, more satisfying season along with more time for character development.

THE GOOD

I LOVED Si-mok this season. It was clear how much he grew from season 1 and he continued to grow into his emotions (acknowledging Eun-soo and Chang-jun, his stress over Dong-jae’s disappearance, how he erupted at Hu-jeong, his choice to seek out Choi to save Yeo-jin, etc.) and while he didn’t undergo as much development and changes this season, his capacity to emote and care about other people as well as his unwavering aim for justice and truth was reaffirmed. His relationship with Yeo-jin was also really well done; he’s never sad or angry with her for being cold towards him, but instead understands that she’s unhappy and frustrated with her job and gives her space to navigate that while expressing that he’s noticed and cares about her. Confronting Choi the way he did and the dinner scene (which I could go on about for days) really highlighted that he consciously knows how much Yeo-jin means to him, how well he understands her, and that he’s not going to let their relationship waver. He doesn’t believe for a second that Yeo-jin is okay, and I think going into season 3 in addition to their continued friendship he’s going to make an effort to keep an eye on her and support her.

While I was frustrated at times with Yeo-jin’s development, I’m happy with how it concluded. Like Si-mok, she unwaveringly follows her morals and ethics, but this season was the first time she felt pressured to bend on the rules due to politics and connections (ex. the assemblyman’s son) and everything that happened with Choi only confirmed that she can’t - and won’t - drift on things like this again. She also takes the high road in dealing with her career; even though she’s miserable working with colleagues who hate and distrust her, and as much as she misses her old team, she knows that staying in the Intelligence Branch is the only place she can make positive changes. It was crushing to see how unhappy she was, but given that her happiness/career conflicts were a theme this season (and was noted often by Si-mok) and somewhat unresolved, I’m sure we’ll see it carry through to season 3.

Despite their development not being as consistent and satisfying as season 1, I really loved how close Si-mok and Yeo-jin were this season. As frustrating as their relationship was during episodes 4-10(ish?), barely speaking and Yeo-jin being somewhat cold towards him, I understand why it had to happen. It reinforced Yeo-jin’s inner struggle and made her choice to forgo appearances with him later on all the more meaningful, and highlighted that at the end of the day, she will always trust him and considers him her closest friend.

I appreciated that Yeo-jin having feelings for Si-mok - a recurring but subtle theme in season 1 - wasn’t dropped. It wasn’t a core element of this season, but in my opinion, the fact that it was readdressed multiple times suggests that this is something that will continue to be developed in future seasons. Choi calls her out on it twice - and Yeo-jin never denies it, just deflects - and even Woo and Kim are suspicious that something is going on. While Si-mok doesn’t have/is unaware of any feelings towards Yeo-jin - or that other people think something is up with them - I think this season showed he knows she is incredibly important to him. Not just through his scene with Choi, which came about out of certainty that Woo would ruin Yeo-jin’s life and trusting Yeo-jin’s judgment that she and Choi had a bond, but through the way he observed her and the comments he made. “You don’t draw these days?” “Didn’t you want to work in police administration?” “You weren’t the kind of person to postpone things” “Is there a chance you won’t be okay?”; all this demonstrates he is well aware that she is unhappy and struggling, and this was his way of communicating his concern to her which is something he wouldn’t have been able to do in season 1. Another reason I’m excited for season 3 is because the natural progression from this is that he learns how to actively support and comfort her (e.g., he looks distressed and as if he wants to comfort Yeo-jin when they learn about Choi Bit but doesn’t know how).

In season 1, he notices when she’s upset or negatively impacted by something but doesn’t know how to address it and in season 2, he doesn’t know how to truly comfort or speak to her about her unhappiness but is able to convey, through his comments and remarks to her, that he sees her and understands that she’s struggling.

I’m really glad Kang didn’t succumb to Hanjo’s bullshit and resigned and even went to Yeon-jae to ask that she leave Si-mok and Dong-jae alone. I’ve seen other people theorize that Kim will step in as his new mentor, which would be cool to see, but I hope he returns in some capacity.

I loved that Choi wasn’t corrupt after all, just blindsided and dragged into bullshit, and her character served as a reminder to Yeo-jin to not compromise her values even when she’s in a rough spot or under pressure. I was suspicious of her and while I guessed right that she orchestrated the cover-up, not Woo, I genuinely thought she had more malicious intent and far-spanning connections that she would use to save herself. It was really touching that she gave Woo and herself up to save Yeo-jin, all because Si-mok approached her as someone else who cares about Yeo-jin and trusted her judgment. I don’t think Choi is a “good person” necessarily, just morally gray as many of this show’s characters are, but I did have more sympathy than I expected in the end.

Dong-jae’s disappearance and case were some of the most interesting parts of the season, and I liked how the show managed to turn a character I - at best - found occasionally amusing into someone I felt a hint of pity and empathy for. I’m sure he’s still the same weasel even after nearly escaping death - I have no doubt that he covered for Yeon-jae - but I’m curious as to how his relationship with his wife and family changes after this season. I know he’s popular but I genuinely don’t find him to be a good person at all, especially for nearly killing Eun-soo in season 1, but I’d like to believe he makes genuine changes going forward even under the guise of working for Hanjo (which seems inevitable as Yeon-jae will want to keep him in check and it will allow him to stay securely in one place, allowing him to both be near and protect his family).

I’m glad the Yongsan crew returned this season and played a part throughout. I was suspicious of Jang for a while and I’m glad he had nothing to do with any of the cases (though I’m confused as hell by that random gash and his behavior in episode 14) and his friendship with Yeo-jin was really sweet to see again this season.

THE BAD

Yeo-jin’s development was frustrating to watch at times, especially her coldness towards Si-mok and how her sunny bright personality was tamped down this season, even though I understand why. With her haircut in episode 16 (as noted by Si-mok, just like when they first met in season 1) I’m guessing that she will return more to her s1-self in the next season, now that she’s more self-assured and clear on how to proceed in her career. I think the theme of her becoming more and more close-off and shouldering her burdens silently will continue, in contrast to Si-mok becoming more warm and open, but hopefully this will get worked through in the next season.

Now that we know Yeon-jae’s subplot was basically season 3 fodder, I’m frustrated by how big of a part Hanjo group played in the story without any real definitive conclusions. There are too many loose ends - what exactly does she have to do with the meeting at the vacation house? Why does she have a relationship with Woo? What is up with Mr. Park? What relationship did she have with Park Gwang-su that led to her selecting him for the Hanjo work? What is going to happen with Hanjo Group and her relationship with her father and brother? Will she act against Dong-jae if he crosses her, or Si-mok, whom she mostly neglected and ignored this season?

I really, really disliked that the council meetings ended up being pointless. I understand that this was intentional - it forced conflict between Si-mok and Yeo-jin that would have had to happen at some point, brought Choi and Woo together, and showed that there’s no clear answer to the question of investigation rights - but it was built up to be this big thing and we only got two meetings over the span of 10 episodes.

I’m glad that the Segok case was passed on to Dong-jae’s junior, but I’m also a bit annoyed by the lack of conclusion to this case. My take was that Si-mok was thanking her for her insight and trusting that she would be able to take care of it, so I doubt we’ll hear more about it.

Si-mok’s loneliness and isolation felt like a bigger theme in the earlier episodes (lying about staying in a hotel because he can’t go to his mother’s, staying in a hotel and then the dorms, etc.) but wasn’t resolved before he was reassigned. We got those messages from his mother later in the season, but it was something that was never followed through with and didn’t ultimately contribute to anything aside from perhaps emphasizing Si-mok’s dislike for uncomfortable/unnecessary social interactions. Given the way season 2 ended with him and Yeo-jin parting ways again, and his inevitable season 3 return, I’d like to believe this will get more attention in the future. 

OTHER OBSERVATIONS

I saw it pointed out somewhere that Si-mok and Yeo-jin are going in opposite directions in their personal arcs; Si-mok is becoming more open and emotional, whereas Yeo-jin is starting to hide her emotions and silently shoulder burdens. This is a point I’m really excited to see explored in season 3 and what it means for their relationship. Does Si-mok, always evolving and becoming more emotionally mature, directly confront Yeo-jin at any point and express his observations and concern for her? Does he ever tell her that he spoke to Choi, or does Yeo-jin find out through her and how does she react? Does Si-mok’s elevated emotional intelligence come with the eventual realization that he may have feelings for her, in contrast to Yeo-jin hiding and deflecting her feelings for Si-mok this season perhaps out of resignation that he won’t ever feel that way about her? What conclusions do they draw from continuing to find each other again through the years, and how does that play into what they want for their own futures?

Yeo-jin comments that she and Si-mok are “always doing this”; working together, getting separated, and inadvertently coming back to each other again. Season 3 means that they will have to cross paths again in Seoul (I wonder what brings Si-mok back if not Hanjo?) and it’ll be interesting to see what they make of this pattern and if they ever consider what they want for their lives and future. We don’t know what Si-mok wants - if anything he’s perfectly content with remaining a prosecutor and being shuffled around to different assignments - but I can almost guarantee that he will start to feel pulled to stay in Seoul because of Yeo-jin. As for Yeo-jin, we know she misses her old team and being a detective - she wants to work with a team and do field work - but she’s also torn by her relationship with Si-mok and her desire to make structural changes from within even at the cost of her own happiness. Does this change at all with Si-mok’s eventual return and whatever developments occur in her career?

This is more general, but given how much was left unresolved and unaddressed I really feel like the writer knew she was getting at least season three. That and Netflix’s involvement (who generally move quickly production-wise) lead me to hope that we will get season three as early as fall 2021 or early 2022 barring any scheduling conflicts with the leads. I highly doubt Netflix will allow the production to stall another three years after the big numbers they pulled with TVN and undoubtedly on their own service as well.

UNADDRESSED THREADS:

Dong-jae, specifically how he handles Hanjo and what he chooses to do moving forward in his career and family

Hanjo’s full involvement with Park Gwang-su. Why was Woo brought along in the first place? What was the meeting about at the vacation house? What is so nefarious about Hanjo’s involvement, other than it was to discuss the lawsuits (I think)?

Yeon-jae’s battle with her father and brother

Yeo-jin’s backstory. We still know almost nothing about her life prior to this series other than the existence of a grandmother and her comment back in season 1 at the high school (watching the happy teen girls at the high school and saying “You should have been like that, too”). I would like to believe season 3 will finally deliver this lol but who knows

Si-mok’s messages with his mother.

How the investigative rights will be handled

This isn’t quite as open-ended, but Yeo-jin and her career. She got promoted but is universally disliked by her colleagues - though accepted by her new boss via her connection with Choi - and she’s at a desk job again after being shown repeatedly, since the first episode, that she misses her old job and coworkers and wants to go back into fieldwork/being a detective. Si-mok and the Yongsan crew are also attuned to her unhappiness and desire for her old life back, but again this wasn’t given a specific conclusion.

Yeo-jin’s feelings for Si-mok. This was addressed quite a few times this season without a resolution - season 3 fodder/carry over from season 1? - other than reaffirming the deep trust they have in each other and that she is a weak point for Si-mok (which Woo tries to exploit; given his connection to Yeon-jae, perhaps this will come back again).

Mr. Yoon’s appearances. This felt like the most obvious set-up in hindsight; there was no real plot or character-motivated reason for Yeo-jin to see or talk with him, but I’m not sure I understand the sudden sympathy towards his character or what this means for the future unless it somehow ties to Hanjo.

Si-mok’s headaches. He had two intense ones over the course of Dong-jae’s disappearance, but unlike season 1, there wasn’t an overarching conclusion or character development associated with that other than that he’s dealing with them better. This makes me feel that it will be addressed again in season 3, along with:

The theme of Si-mok being worried/stressed. This is brought up a lot in this season, and Si-mok repeatedly denies that he’s stressed about the Dong-jae case only to have two headaches over it. He clearly doesn’t understand what being worried/stressed means to him, and I think the only real resolution we got for this was that he was worried enough about Yeo-jin’s life being destroyed by Woo to confront Choi.

Woo is going to be indicted for what happened at the vacation house along with Choi, but one of the last things we hear from him is “This isn’t over. Not while I’m alive.” If he plays a role in season 3, I’m curious if he uses his connection to Yeon-jae to get out of things, or if Choi’s active role in covering up his death will spare him. Will he and Yeon-jae take revenge on Dong-jae and/or Si-mok & Yeo-jin?

I am VERY upset that there were no Yeo-jin drawings to Si-mok this season!!! Even after it was addressed back in episode 6!!! Season 3 better deliver!!!!

ANYWAY apologies for this word vomit and I’m sure some of my opinions will change over time but for now season 3 2021/2022???

[ectora]

REVIEW 313

took me some time to actually get into that review lmao But i really loved the episode. I know some people will probably have complains about it, but as someone who absolutely loves Abigael, I really liked it. And honestly the fact that abigael was finally included in the main story is not even the reason why. I loved the pacing, it actually felt like Charmed. The stakes, the construction, the format, it was all on point. It was genuinely their best episode alongside 307 (two episodes related to the tomb lmao) and one of their best in the show imo.

I've put it in "hidden" cause it ended up being so long I did not expect that im sorry 😭

SCREEN TIME

Maggie: 29m20s

Macy: 27m36s

Mel: 25m39s

Abigael: 20m17s

Jordan: 10m32s

Harry: 47s

Not gonna lie, I did not miss Harry this episode. Maybe it's just cause I don't like the way they have been writing both him and Macy this season, way too focused on the relationship, but his story does not really interest me. And I enjoy watching Macy interact with other characters a lot more. I think we could have had a little bit more of Jordan as well.

What I liked

where do i even start. I genuinely enjoyed so many things in this episode.

As said earlier, I really enjoyed the structure of the episode, to me it finally really felt like charmed. The way the episode was done was beautiful and I LOVED the trial in a general manner. They're terrible lawyers, but still loved it lmao

Ok hear me out, the fact they had abigael and macy say what the fan had been saying but reversing the roles was actually sent me lmao

I really enjoyed that they balanced the rights and wrongs of abigael. I'm part of the people who think that overall, most of what she did was not that deep tbh, but the episode allowed to have nuances and hold her accountable for things she did while also recognising that she did good things.

Abigael finally interacting with the sisters. To me, that's the sign of good characters tbh, how they can interact with different other leads/mains and such relationships being interesting. Abimel, i'll talk about it a bit later cause i have lots to say. But AbiMacy ? I absolutely always love their scenes, one of the reasons being that I genuinely think they're the two best actresses in the show and you can really feel it when they're on screen. They have easy chemistry and whatever they are doing, they just work. They also had one of the best potential of the show in terms of dynamic and I will never forgive the writers for ruining this, especially because it's in part because of a man. Anyway, their scenes were amazing to watch and I need more. I was especially happy because let's be honest, if Macy has valid reasons to dislike Abigael, they often miss-portrayed that in the show and it often came across as being mostly based on the whole love triangle between Macy Abi and Harry. But this time it really was not and Macy was quite fair, even reaching the conclusion Abi doesn't belong in there - she does not- and I liked that they actually were fair on Macy's dislike and distrust. Then there was AbiMaggie. Honestly, it's not a relationship i expected to enjoy that much but oh god i love them. I loved them in episode 207 and I still do. They just have such a funny dynamic, I can't even explain it correctly but it just work. They're throwing remarks at each other sure but it's almost in a sweet funny way. Abigael calling Maggie 'Legally Brunette" was so funny and cute at the same time.

Talking about Maggie, I really liked her this episode. I love how she reacts in situations where they need a cold head. She takes the lead, she does what needs to be done and she reaches the goal. I really enjoy seeing her taking that role a little bit more. Especially because to me Maggie was always the one with the most nuanced view on the world which I really appreciate. I loved her speech at the end and she grew so much since season 1, she's really so great. The more we advance in the show, the more she shines.

I really liked what happened at the end with the sisters recognising that they are themselves not perfect and are even chaotic. I have a point about being chaotic for later but anyway. Yes the sisters are not perfect. Honestly, they have done questionable things in the past themselves and often are the cataclysm of new things happening. I think it just makes them more interesting and better characters. Black and white can only get so long. Nuanced, imperfect, that's where the complexity lies and what is more interesting imo.

The perfecti really are good characters. I mean their logic was completely f*cked, but they are so entertaining to watch, it's actually great. I like also that they continued that idea that logic without emotion is dangerous. But in some ways tbh, the Perfecti are not even logical. They want to think they are, but their own logic is flawed and like Macy said, completely lacks context.

Finally the power of three and FINALLY, the plot goes forward. Maybe that's another reason I really enjoyed the episode, the fact that it actually had a good flow, it felt like one constructed episode and it actually advanced the story which cannot be said about a lot of the episodes. So I'm happy that happened.

And finally Abimel. I mean, no one can be surprised Abigael has feelings for Mel tbh, girl has not been subtle about it lmao But that declaration was actually cute and their scene at the bar ?? paralleling the one in season 2, it was so sweet. I just love them tbh, and I really think they could have been the ship a lot of us were waiting for in the sapphic community especially.

Abigael's past. Like I loved learning more about her past and her mom. Obviously her traumatic past does not exempt her from her own actions but I do believe it give strong grounds for redemption. it also gives us a lot of insights in her character. Her mom was an absolute monster and what she did to her was terrible. There is no surprise in Abigael's absolute lack of self worth and her unhealthy coping mechanism. Like her mom basically spent her life telling her she was deficient and then punished her for something she had no control on whatsoever. She punished Abigael for her own action and her own liaison with a demon. She probably projected her anger about that relationship on the child that came out of it and it's absolutely horrifying. Like no wonder Abigael is not fond of witches and went into the demon side tbh. Like that's not surprising at all. It also explains why she was so against the idea of witch = good that the sisters keep perpetuating because that's simply not what she experienced. Again, it does not excuse everything she did but I do believe it helps understand the character better and that ultimately, it gives space for a redemption. And again, kuddo to both poppy and the actress who played her mom. First that was great casting and it was really well played.

Remarks

To be honest, I don't really have things I genuinely disliked so I'm more gonna do like a section where i could criticise some of the aspect which to me did not necessarily made sense but were often still funny, and who knows maybe done on purpose. It's gonna be a mix of a little bit of everything.

One of the first thing I was kinda confused on was their use of the term chaos. Because, well, chaos doesn't equate evil. But that's the angle they started taking at the beginning which to me was confusing. It didn't make the episode bad, but the more I think about it, the more I'm like the defence they were going with had nothing to do with the charges 😭 Like, the sisters tried to prove that basically Abigael was a good person. But the charges were that she was chaotic. and by the end of the episode we did reach that kind of point where they said everyone was chaotic and everything - which i liked - but also didn't really match the angle they took the entire episode. Because, I personally never saw Abi as evil. But she is 100% chaotic like that girl is the definition of chaotic and I love her for it. But her doing good or bad is not necessarily what makes her chaotic. Good deeds can be as chaotic as bad ones. For example, Abi binding her own power could be considered as good by some people (it's not really but you see what I mean) but by doing so, she would lose the title of overlord and therefore end the treaty. In that case the war would start and that would definitely be chaotic. If she was to stay overlord however, and control the demon world, which can be seen as bad i guess, she is keeping the war from happening and stopping attacks toward witches and innocents, which is the contrary of chaotic. So yeah, the angle they took did not actually make that much sense cause the two are not the same.

Not gonna lie, bringing Godrik up was so weird to me cause like he tried to kill her first and they all know it, yet she was the one said to try to murder him and I was like ? did we all forgot what happened ? 😭

Some of the things brought by the perfecti - such as her killing those humans or demons - seemed weird because like, the sisters did the same in the past 😭 But also that's part of the whole lack of context aspect I guess.

No they really used Francesca as a witness out of all the people in the world like the woman is a whole child abuser who asked help to the elders, which have been established as like, not good people lmao I know it was part of the whole the perfecti are very selective on the information they actually take into account and they use the information as well as twist them to fir their own narrative but still it came across as weird because that woman was the definition of evil. But that's also what ticked the sisters so well.

Why did they not call Harry to testify was also kinda like ... weird. I mean at the same time I can't really complain but still, it was a bit odd. Also the fact they never thought about showing what was abigael actually doing with Jordan lmao I mean it wouldn't go along with the plot but still.

Ok, that take is subject to controversy and I know it but anyway : to me, Abi stealing Macy's power was ... not that deep. Don't get me wrong, the story was bad. The execution was even worse. In the show itself tho, objectively, as an act, it was not that bad. It actually made a lot of sense for Abigael to take it for herself. Macy wanted to get rid of her demon powers, no one was forcing her. And Abigael actually asked her multiples times if she was sure. Macy definitely had her reasons to do so. But at the end of the day, Abi picking them up when they were gonna disappear in thin air is really not that bad. It's logical. Don't get me wrong I'm glad Macy is getting them back, but I also think there has been a lot of mix up between the actual act of stealing the powers and the way it was done/optics ( I still don't understand how anyone wrote that scene and was like, yeah kneeling is a good idea ??? Like what's wrong with you 😭). But like ultimately, the act itself is not bad. questionable ? sure. Evil ? really not. Like let's be honest here. Abigael never hid who she was (past ep3 obviously). She did not pretend to be an angel, nor that she was a good samaritan. At the end of day, the sisters knew who she was and how she worked. They came to her knowing this. At some point, there is a need to acknowledge that, she was no angel, but they knew that and still went to her. She said it herself, she is used to fight for herself, and she'll sting to protect herself first - which i personally don't really hold again a character. If you go in bed with a scorpion, you can't ignore the fact there is a chance you're gonna get stung. Plus, when Abigael "stung" she also actually still gave them what they wanted/needed. I personally never saw self interest negating a good action. I don't really care if she gets something out of helping. Like at the end of the day, why wouldn't she take them ? In some ways however I do understand why Macy would be mad, she asked for help and she didn't realise Abigael stole them and she doesn't like abigael in the first place so why would she be ok with Abi taking them. That's valid too. But objectively, it was more a she was offended and mad that Abi herself had them more than a it's a terrible thing to do kinda feeling. So like it's a bit of a weird situation because Macy being annoyed and mad is valid but at the same time, it's really not that bad in itself. But overall that story should have never existed in the first place. And certainly not happen like this.

Abimel. I loved it but I also have issues with it. Mostly based on the fact we learned Poppy was leaving the show. And not gonna lie, I cant stop myself from feeling like it was almost a bit .. baity if I dare say. They had basically admitting having feelings for Mel and low key hoping it could lead somewhere when honestly, if she's leaving, they did not need to make it romantic. Because honestly, watching this episode not knowing she would leave ? You'd definitely could think it's happening, especially with all the other hints in the past. They could have made it like more about how Mel was the one giving her a real benefit of the doubt and they had a connexion and she wanted to be worthy of that. It would not be romantic. Especially cause she admitted caring about all sisters so it would have worked. Again, don't get me wrong, I want the most Abimel i can get lmao but also it feels a little weird. It's complicated. 😭

Jordan is definitely coming back, I just wonder what are going to be the circumstances. I completely understand why my boy needed a break. Like their time in the tomb was long. We don't exactly know how time works there but remember, in episode 7 when the sisters were stuck, the normal time was like what ? hours ? while in the tomb it was days for Maggie. So there it was days in normal time so in the tomb ? could potentially feel like weeks, months even. So yeah, give him a break and some time to breath. I know they're dragging this whole Joggie thing but because of Covid i also understand and will let it go. I really like them tho.

Abi has some alcohol problems I feel like should maybe be talked about. Like she uses it as an escape, as a way to numb her feelings. There is a reason it was used to symbolise her submitting herself to the tomb. And her first reaction after leaving the tomb was drinking. When she feels unhinged or vulnerable ? She drinks ? When she lost the title of overlord ? She drank. Alcohol is her escape which is a bit worrying.

Not about the episode but I think it needs to be brought up. I've seen people trying to say they brought up the abuse storyline for abigael out of nowhere and like. Listen I completely understand not trying to give more thoughts to a character you dislike, that's fair enough. But saying that storyline is out of nowhere is just a lie. The only new elements we had here were the details of the abuse she went through. They showed the clip again in the episode, where Abigael talks to Mel about her mom. She rejected her, she made her felt, deficient, wrong. All that is emotional abuse. She said her mom tried to fix her which can easily be thought about physical abuse. Like none of these things were new. To be honest, not a single thing they clarified/established for abigael this episode does not follow up with what was in the show in the past. Her feelings for Mel were honestly rather obvious at this point. Her not wanting TCO to get hurt ? There is literally a scene where Godrik tells her it's her head or the sisters and she never really even thought about throwing the sisters under the bus. She even asked who knew and it's easy to think it's because if no one knew she could put it under the rug. Again, it's fair enough for people to dislike her to not try to put more thoughts into her motivations or scenes in a general manner, but then you can't really say things are out of the blue.

And most importantly, I'm sorry, I don't care if you dislike the character, but if you dismiss the abuse just because of the dislike, that's a problem. What a character goes through in her past does not, in any way, have to change your opinion about them. Whatsoever. However when it comes to issues like child abuse, the bare minimum would be to be respectful of the subject and not say "she deserved it", "should have done more" or just say you don't care cause that changes nothing. Again, it doesn't have to change anyone's opinion at all and it does not excuse behaviours, but man, minimal respect is not that hard.

Highlights

This episode genuinely had such funny moments, i loved it.

« Is this a hard time to admit I failed debate in high school ? » and « could the defendant keep her commentary to herself » competing with each other for the funniest part of the episode. The delivery was perfect on both part. And Abi and Macy interactions are always so good and them bantering more or less seriously all the time is sending me. Macy was just so annoyed with her, i loved it.

« Need something legally brunettes » I said it already but I loved that little scene between AbiMaggie and that line particularly.

Abigael went from saying "I could care less about any of you" to "because I deeply care about her" followed by a whole ass declaration AND admitting she does actually care about all of them. My girl got absolutely played and it was genuinely so funny. Like Abigael was so freaking smug about testifying against herself and she got played so hard, she was SO annoyed it was actually hilarious.

"Every battle I fought, I fought alone" like excuse me while I'll go cry in a corner. Again, Poppy has been absolutely killing her role this season.

"Your arguments are illogical" the perfecti have such audacity like girl have you heard yourself ? 😭 no one is being less logical than you right now.

Lmao when Macy said Abigael belonged into the tomb, Mel was not agreeing 😭 And Maggie was having none of the drama either she just wanted out.

The sisters realising they had to be Abi's character witnesses lmao it was hilarious pleas idc.

Theories

With Poppy Drayton leaving, there are two theories I kinda have. Obviously Abigael is either gonna die or leave. Ngl, I can feel the dying one coming more but well, that brings the two theories.

Abigael would sacrifice herself. Which I don't like but honestly let's be honest, there are 95% chances of that happening. I could see her sacrifice herself for Mel or for the sisters in general. But that's where my abimel issues are coming. I love abimel. I want the most abimel i can have until the end. But Abigael admitting have feelings for Mel just in the purpose of having her sacrifice herself for her and to be 'worth it' ? that's not only a byg trope, it's also lazy.

If she just leave, which wouldn't really make sense to be honest cause why would she just leave, would she give up the title of overlord (why even) or would they bound her powers (i would hate that) ? but anyway, if that's the case, I could actually see her learn Waverly is not actually the one rejecting her. Waverly could very possibly not be the one who communicated with Jordan and the sisters. No one ever saw her, the letters are only signed by her name. It's a bit sus tbh, so nothing stops it from being Francesca actually impersonating her daughter to keep her away from Abigael.

I want to know more about the perfecti. We know they killed charmed ones before, and it doesn't seem like charmed ones existed when they were created ? Maybe the charmed ones were created after they went into the tomb ? I still am not sure about them going into the tomb by themselves tbh. But also they don't seem to be evil in the sense they want power or whatever, more in the fact like they consider themselves perfect and that if someone stands in their way, they'll just get rid of them.

[equisetumspn]

Finale take

It took me a few days to finally put my feelings on the finale and how it impacted me into words. It actually helped a little bit to write some of it out, cathartic almost. 

It hurts.  I found this ridiculous show and its fantastic, remarkable fandom many years ago. It helped me to cope when I was feeling at my very lowest, struggling with my depression and my anxiety. It helped. I didn't feel so overwhelmingly alone. It actually did help. 

A big part of that was due to the characters and their constant determination to go their own way, to keep fighting against destiny. I found bits and pieces of myself in them. 

Sam and his studiousness, his thirst for knowledge. 

Cas. Castiel. His awkwardness. His always trying to find a way to follow his heart. To do right. His struggling to accept himself. His want of finding a place to belong. 

But Dean. Oh Dean. I could, or would, never claim to share all of his traits, but I don't think that I've ever seen so many sides of myself in a fictional character, at least there is none other I can think of right now. His stubbornness. His dorkiness. His silliness. His sarcasm. His trying to find joy in small things. His compassion. That soft, caring heart so deeply hidden. His ability to love so intensely, but not really express it in words. How much he hurts. How deeply tired he is. His intense feelings, and the reluctance to put them into words. His ability to hold a grudge for so long. His bisexuality, though never truly canonicaly expressed in words, it was still so obviously there for those of us who saw ourselves in him, and seeing that helped me to come to terms with my own, to realise it and see my self in a different way, and to start to tell others about it. His protectiveness and the need to take care of a younger brother, to protect him from family conditions that were less than ideal - my situation far from Dean's, or what many others have to go through, but it was still more than a young child should have to bear. 

I have always become incredibly, and perhaps overly, invested in characters and stories. It has always been my way of escaping when reality became overwhelming, frightening, or just too much for me to handle. There have been so many characters and stories that have made an impact on me, that have helped me cope through my most difficult and lonely times, so many that I have cared for and loved. But these three? These three with their fighting for themselves, each other and the world; these three with their personalities, with all their quirks and faults; these three with their perpetual struggles and their found family? They hit differently. When I had the most difficulties of even liking myself, I liked and loved and wanted better for them - and that in turn somehow helped me believe that I could actually be allowed to feel a little bit better myself. That seeing parts of me in them and still love them, could possibly mean that perhaps I could deserve to feel better and perhaps could leave the flat lined, grey limbo my life had become. Eventually I got help and could get my life back on track again. But this ending hurts. Of course it hurts. 

Underneath the soul crushing sadness and the furious anger, I just have a feeling of betrayal that has been seeping through every aspect of my life in the past week. It is unfathomable to me that could do this. To end the show like this. It is a betrayal to the actors who have lived with these characters for so long. It is a betrayal to the crew who throughout the years have worked to bring this show to the screen and to give it life. But most of all it is a betrayal to the characters who fought so hard to live life on their own terms and to us. To all of us who have ever seen any part of us in them, whether that be the main characters or in someone who only showed up a few times. And that is because representation matters. 

Representation matters and heaven knows that Supernatural has had its fair share of problems with diversity, regardless of if you think about it in terms of women, BIPOC, queerness, physical disabilities, or mental health issues. I'm not saying that other shows don't have these issues, because they do and there is probably no such thing as a perfect, unproblematic show. I'm not trying to negate the feelings or experiences of fans of other shows (or even that of the people who actually enjoyed the ending of Supernatural - good for you). I know what it is like, I have been here before, burned before. 

It is a gigantic problem that television in particular, and media in general, has failed to fix. Progress has been made, but we are still a far way off. Ultimately I do believe that the majority of the problem lies with the networks that somehow fear of no longer appealing to the general audience and thereby advertisers, of being seen as niche, of fear of losing money. That they don't realise that they are more likely in the long run to lose audience and money when long-term fans are less likely to rewatch anything they dislike the ending of, and of fewer new people tuning in for something they've heard others be discontent with, why would they be wanting to see something where they aren't able to see themselves represented. Why waste all of your precious time and money on something that in the end are likely to leave you feeling disappointed and / or unseen? 

Stories and shows are still allowed to have an unhappy ending. Of course they are. For some it is even necessary, an unhappy ending can still be a good ending to the story. That's not the point here. The point is that the story of Supernatural did not have a good ending, no matter whether you see it as happy or unhappy. It was, in my opinion, illogical and went against everything that they had built towards for years. Perhaps I am too naive or maybe I have read too much meta on this show and analysed it too much over the years, but I chose to trust what my eyes saw and my mind was telling me. I chose to believe what I have learnt about storytelling through all the movies and TV I've seen and all the books I've read. After all that fighting and doing everything to break free from being a spiteful and bored god's playthings to in the end saying "screw free will, it is impossible to escape your destiny"? That is an illogical ending that doesn't care about its story's legacy.  So here I am. A grown woman upset over the ending of a long running TV show and the fact that the characters who brought me some kind of joy when I was feeling my lowest and whom I saw myself in didn't get resolutions that made sense. Can you really blame me for being hurt?

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

i feel like jian yi uses emotion to influence zhan zheng xi's decision. when he talks about his sexuality he is either crying or on the verge of crying which i think softens zhan zhengxi's attitude towards him. i don't get people that are saying zhan zheng xi is demisexual and not interested in girls at all and when his only encounter with girls is xiao hui? who is his stalker. it is very natural for zhan zheng xi to dislike her. i feel like jian yi is very manipulative.

Good evening, dear anon-san!

Before we get any further, I got your another ask that it’s okay if I won’t answer your question. I’m not sure why you felt that way but you had gone through the big trouble of writing your thoughts, so I want to try and give you mine. Also, I don’t talk about Zhanyi too often, so I don’t want to pass chances when people give me a nudge to do so. Anyway, I hope you won’t mind I decided to answer your ask.

You had a lot of things to talk about, so I thought I would give my thoughts some structure by picking up some overall themes.

A bit of a TL;DR: I imagine your interpretation of Jian Yi’s character is very much of an unpopular opinion. And I’m afraid I won’t be agreeing with it very much because I have always read him and his relationship with Zhan Zheng Xi quite differently. That being said, though, I do want to applaud your courage to share your views with us. It makes me feel privileged that you feel comfortable enough with me to be open about your opinions.

Zhan Zheng Xi and Xiao Hui

Let’s start this with perhaps the easiest topic: XH having a crush on ZZX. It’s true she didn’t really hide her feelings for ZZX. She tried to muster up enough courage to deliver her confession letter many times and also approached him directly. However, it was clear ZZX was bothered and felt uncomfortable by her affections. (ch. 51, 52, 98, 99. 102, and 156)

She was quite persistent and forward, but I don’t think she deserves to be called a stalker. Not even close. I think we’re forgetting that middle school is that awkward time in life when it’s starting to be noticeable that girls develop faster than boys. Girls of that age can actually be very open about their crushes while boys feel embarrassed, bothered, and annoyed by them. Nor are boys really interested quite yet. I think that’s very much apparent in ZZX and XH’s case.

A short storytime. When I was in middle school (about 12-13 years old) I had the most intense crush on this boy in my class. My very soul was consumed by how much in love I was with him. And I had no problem being open about it, either; I gave him birthday and Christmas cards publically, forced him to write on my friends book, and overall was quite pushy with him. He never returned my passionate feelings but was rather annoyed, embarrassed and disgusted by them. After two years, my feelings passed. Was I a stalker, though? I don’t think so.

So, yes, it was very understandable and realistic for ZZX to be bothered by XH’s advances but I wouldn’t brand her as a “stalker” and make too direct conclusions about their relationship. Rather I think that’s how it usually goes in that age.

Jian Yi and Xiao Hui’s letter

Overall, JY was in a very difficult position when he found out about XH’s feelings for ZZX. On one hand, he was very much in love with ZZX, and it had been his most precious secret that he’s both wanted to confess and hide. Worst case scenario, his romantic feelings might end their childhood friendship or put them in a position where others could easily discriminate and bash them. On the other hand, XH’s advances put pressure on JY and painfully remind him that it’s not as simple for him to confess and be open about his crush. I have always sympathized with him because being in that position can be very painful and conflicting. (100, 101)

I mean, imagine someone asked you to deliver a confession letter to the person you have been in love with for years. Can you imagine how crushing that would feel? A big part of me, at least, would certainly think my crush was doomed. And it was obvious JY struggle between doing the right thing and doing what his heart wanted to.

When JY agreed to give ZZX her letter on the condition that she won’t come near him, I think that was the most manipulative JY got in that whole story (ch. 100):

And I don’t think even that was very successful. He told her to stay away but... what was the endgame? Was JY’s plan to make her believe he had given ZZX the letter and prevent her from finding out the truth by telling her to keep her distance? But at some point, she would have grown anxious and approached ZZX again, right? The truth would certainly have come out eventually.

I think he hadn’t thought it through at all but rather that “don’t come near him” plan was a desperate attempt to buy some time. I don’t see that as JY trying to isolate ZZX in a toxic way at all but rather him trying to prolong the inevitable. His feelings for ZZX never had the same promise of a future as XH’s feelings - and straight love, in general.

Also, let’s not forget that JY did end up giving ZZX the letter despite his own difficult position (ch. 102):

What ZZX said made him realize it wouldn’t be right for JY to decide things for him. He couldn’t advance his own goals that way and feel good about it. But at the same time, giving ZZX that letter put JY’s feelings at a big risk. Basically, JY came close to watching the person he loved returning someone else’s feelings. I’m not sure I could have done the same if I had been JY, and I bet many of us would have struggled to make up our minds, too. Would that make us toxic manipulators, though?

Xiao Hui’s letter exposed

XH’s confession letter being exposed to everybody was a messy situation for all parties. It exposed so many private and vulnerable feelings for anyone to see and make fun of. And usually, the more we want to protect something inside us, the stronger we react when it’s either exposed or poked at.

Even if I don’t really see JY worrying about ZZX’s reputation as a bad thing or something problematic, I have always wondered about that part (ch. 158):

It always seemed like an odd thing to worry about in that situation to me. But I suppose he just didn’t want ZZX to become the center of gossiping. People were making fun of the letter and both its writer and who it was addressed to. Again, romance is quite a tender topic at that age, especially publically. To be involved in those kinds of things - even involuntarily - would most probably put you in the kind of awkward position that you can never quite live down. So, yeah, even if my center of worries wouldn’t probably be protecting ZZX’s reputation, I still get where JY was coming from.

I also suppose JY didn’t want XH’s crush to be public knowledge because it made his situation that more difficult and an uphill battle. The rumors and gossips would stoke and contribute to the overall rhetoric that ZZX has a girlfriend or that he’s popular among girls. But again, I don’t really see that line of thinking as manipulative. I don’t think he was pretending to be sad or trying to provoke XH to make her look bad in ZZX’s eyes. I’m sure I would have felt somewhat the same in his situation, actually.

However, I do agree that readers (if that’s what you meant by “people”) were too eager to brand XH as a problematic homophobe and hate her guts. What she said was wrong and hurtful but still not that surprising (ch. 158):

She had been publically humiliated and her feelings had been made of by everyone. She was hurt and embarrassed, and when JY blamed her she lashed out and threw the easiest and most obvious insult she could think of. I don’t think it’s fair to judge her whole character based on one moment when she was so vulnerable and humiliated.

What comes to ZZX, I don’t think it was a case of him conveniently walking in when JY had been bashed by XH and him judging the situation wrongly (JY as the victim and XH the villain). The way ZZX handled the situation tells us that he could see behind the emotional escalation and recognized the pain both JY and XH were suffering (ch. 158 and 159):

He understood XH had poked a very vulnerable spot with her “disgusting gay” remark and why JY had gotten upset. Not long ago before the letter incident, he had seen how insecure JY was about his feelings for someone of the same sex and how scared he was of being rejected because of it. It was the last thing JY wanted people to talk about out loud but also where you could hurt him the most.

But ZZX also realized the situation XH was in and why she had lashed out. He was very gentle with her and treated her feelings with respect despite turning them down. He saw his own little sister in her, not a villain or a bad person. I’m sure his reaction would have been vastly different if he had thought XH was out to deliberately hurt JY.

Jian Yi’s orientation and manipulation

I can’t say I see JY using emotions to knowingly influence and manipulate ZZX’s decisions but I do think ZZX has an obvious soft spot for his best friend. It goes all the way back to their childhood when ZZX promised to protect him, and later JY’s special place in ZZX’s eyes is represented by the rhetoric of lifelong promises between them (ch. 97, 127, 159, 161, 169, 285):

To me, that’s pretty much the essence of ZZX’s character. He’s loyal, protective, and surprisingly comfortable being so caring. We can see him treat his little sister very similarly to how he treats JY. So, when he sees his best friend crying and thinking there’s something wrong with him because he’s different from others, it’s his second nature to comfort and reassure JY.

Overall, JY has talked about his orientation or feelings for ZZX three times in the comic so far in a way that has changed the course of the story. (If you wish to read more about how I see the Zhanyi storyline go check out my other earlier answer.) The most shocking and dramatic turning point for both of them was probably when JY’s feelings came to light for the first time (ch. 143):

I really can’t see JY being emotionally manipulative at that moment. I would say his reaction is more than understandable and realistic instead. I don’t know if you have ever had to come out to anyone about your sexual orientation, dear anon-san, but it’s always a nerve-wracking experience. I’ve told about my own bisexuality to my parents and best friend and it was insanely scary both times even if I was confident they wouldn’t have a problem with it. Despite everything, there’s always that little “what if” rattling in your head.

Now, multiply that by XXX and put yourself in JY’s raincoat. He was a teenage boy who had just kissed his lifelong best friend and couldn’t play it off as a joke. The more he tried to run and hide, the more the feelings he had buried for years poured out in a mess of tears and fragmented thoughts. I mean, we had read about how deep their friendship ran for 100+ chapters by then but I’m sure many of us were still nervous and unsure about how ZZX would react.

However, ZZX isn’t unable to set his limits even when offering comfort. I think that was apparent the second time JY’s feeling were addressed when JY was drunk and looking for something ZZX wasn’t ready to give him yet (ch. 165):

JY was genuinely very emotional and in a vulnerable place but ZZX had to reject him. I actually talked about that moment in one of my earlier answers because I have always found it interesting and complicated. JY was so insecure and afraid of ZZX rejecting him that he wanted to push the limits to find out how ZZX felt about him (both being in love with him and someone of the same sex). It almost seemed like he was tired of being anxious and kind of wanted to get it over with. But ZZX wasn’t quite there yet. He had expressed his support when it came to JY liking men but wasn’t ready for what JY was really feeling. Unfortunately, that meant he had to hurt the already vulnerable JY but the bottom line is, he did reject him. He might have a lot of affection for JY but he’s also very in tune with what he wants and isn’t ready for. That’s also a part of him being honest and loyal. If he had allowed JY to have his way, ZZX wouldn’t have been true to JY or himself.

The third and last time was when JY finally, officially confessed and - according to my interpretation - ZZX returned his feelings. Again, I don’t see JY being emotionally manipulative but there is one aspect that has always caught my attention (ch. 209):

JY says he likes ZZX so much he’s about to explode and whether it’s about their past or future, it’s always been and will always be about ZZX. This time JY’s fear of rejection manifests itself a bit differently, though. He kind of rejects his feelings himself before ZZX even says a word. He already knows ZZX isn’t happy about being loved by another guy and his best friend at that, so there’s no need for ZZX turn him down. Also, by seemingly shifting the goal of his confession (you won’t feel the same way but at least I finally said it) JY is protecting himself.

Could that behavior be taken as manipulation? I guess on some level, but I think it’s also a very natural and realistic reaction. It can be used to influence someone’s decisions but it’s also a defense mechanism. One that I - and I’m sure many others - can personally relate to very much. And I don’t see JY saying those things in that situation as a way to try and make ZZX feel sorry for him and return his feelings that way. This was the first time he was completely open and honest about his love for ZZX - confessing while looking straight into his eyes - so it’s no surprise he behaved defensively like that.

Also, I believe ZZX had already made up his mind about what his answer would be before he even asked the question. He had reached his resolve and was comfortable with it. All he needed was for JY to say the words out loud.

Jian Yi, Mo Guan Shan, and He Tian’s money

Okay, the last topics! This was something you only briefly mentioned but I felt like they supported your view on JY that already differed quite a lot from mine, so I thought I would give my two cents about these, too.

I think JY is exactly the kind of friend Mo Guan Shan desperately needed when he was falsely accused of assaulting that girl. In fact, JY is the kind of friend all of us should have: someone who won’t hesitate to stand up for us. Because I don’t think “anyone would have done the same thing” for MGS. Actually, that’s why She Li picked him as the scapegoat in the first place (ch. 178, 186, and 184):

Not only did SL take advantage of knowing MGS was a social outcast at school and people were prejudiced against him so no one would even doubt the things said about him but he also knew MGS didn’t have the kind of friends who would step in. He Tian most certainly was one of them, but so was JY the way he didn’t hesitate to barge into the office and loudly demand justice for MGS (ch. 185):

Let’s remember, when the assault case was going on HT, JY and ZZX were the only ones defending MGS. Not even the teachers seemed to think “innocent until proven guilty” or even entertain the thought that MGS might not have done it.

What comes to JY talking about HT having a lot of money (or being rich or poor in general), I think it’s just a part of him being cheeky and the kind of humor 19 Days has. JY’s character has this obliviously and unapologetically immature side that can be a bit annoying at first but soon becomes one of his most lovable features. I never took this side of him as an offense but rather him just being a 15-year-old boy among other teenage boys that will fire back just the same (ch. 258, 296, 298, 301, and 310):

JY doesn’t really have a filter and he likes to brag a little when, for once, he’s in that kind of position, but there’s no true malice in his words.

A few quick notes that I won’t get into deeper than this:

I don’t know about ZZX being demisexual but overall BL does seem to have this trend of making male protagonists fall in love with each other without identifying as LGBT. BL has been criticized for this because it’s a way to avoid talking about the fact that men who are attracted to other men are, in fact, gay (or bi). In many BL stories, the protagonists are portrayed as straight and them falling for a guy is just special circumstances and they’re gay for just that one guy. And while I don’t personally have a major problem with it, I can’t deny it feels a bit of a cop-out. Does Zhanyi fall into that category? On some level, I guess, but it’s also too early to say. The boys are just figuring out who they are as individuals, so JY, for example, identifying as gay might be said out loud one day. Don’t think that will ever happen in ZZX’s case, though.

I also don’t think JY is trying to isolate ZZX from other people. Now that he’s more secure regarding ZZX’s feelings for himself and their relationship, he’s even included XH to their group.

Phew!

Was that all? I think that was at least the most of it, if not all. If you think I skipped something or would like me to elaborate on something, let me know!

As I warned you in the beginning, I ended up disagreeing with the majority of your interpretation. Hopefully, I wasn’t too harsh with my wording or ways of putting things. Even if our views were pretty much the opposite to each other, your thoughts prompted me to look at JY’s character and Zhanyi from a new perspective. And that’s always a good thing. Thank you again for that opportunity and for sharing your interpretations with us, dear anon-san!

[thesummerstorms]

Rev Recaps Hard Contact (Chapter 9)

CW: idk if “emotional abuse” is the right term here, but I can’t think of the more appropriate one.

TL:DR Recap: Etain is having a hard time dealing with her sudden promotion to officer, so Jinart chews her out. Darman, on the other hand, does his best to reassure Etain, and they start to develop a plan together. Eventually, they leave Birhan’s farm. Omega gets nervous when Hokan’s people start burning more fields, but eventually meet up with Jinart. Hokan plays games badly. 

This post is super long, even compared to the other recaps, because I have to deal with Jinart’s bullshit.

Beginning Kal Count: 13 Ending Kal Count: 18

We open with a quote from Ki Adi Mundi that reinforces Traviss’s position about the unfairness of the clones lot, but most of you already agree with that, so we’re not going to waste time with that now.

Darman has pinned Jinart to the wall with a blaster to her head. Etain is horrified and tells him to let up. (Etain’s feelings about Jinart seem to go back and forth. Mine do not.) But Dar doesn’t let Jinart go until Etain mistakenly tells him that Jinart is a Jedi. (Because Jinart has Force-like telepathy abilities but still has refused to give Etain another explanation, if you’ve forgotten.)

Jinart insists she’s not a Jedi again, then asks Dar if he would be willing to shoot an old woman. When he insists that soldiers can look like anybody, Jinart praises him and tells Etain to follow his lead, despite the fact that just last chapter she was chewing Etain out for being too suspicious.

I fully admit that a large part of my dislike of Jinart stems from her treatment of Etain, but she also comes across a lot as an authorial authority in support of ruthless pragmatism, and I find it unsettling. It’s not necessarily that’s she’s wrong in this case, so much as that this viewpoint seems unfairly weighted over time.

Jinart revels that Omega is alive and safe for the moment, which has Darman anxious to rejoin them. As she stares at Darman, we get this weird little aside from Jinart:

Again, there’s not any real reason to think that non-Mandalorians, much less non-Mandalorian shape shifters on a backwater world like Qiilura, ever had much reason to know what Jango Fett looked like before his clones descended on the galaxy. So I genuinely want to know when Jinart might have encountered Fett before. It isn’t a question that will ever be answered, of course.

Jinart finally decides to reveal that she’s a shapeshifter after refusing to tell Etain anything for the last several chapters. Etain is frightened and ready to fight, but Dar is delighted because he’s seen gurlanin before and think’s she’s Valaqil. Even after she explains she’s Valaqil’s “consort” he’s intrigued, and Jinart finally explains to Etain that she’s a telepath, but primarily among her own species. Any time she’s been “transmitting” to Etain or Dar, she’s been shapeshifted as an inconspicuous object nearby. She also starts giving them a tactical update, and explains that she and Valaqil can act as a rudimentary comlink between the Republic and Omega.

Again,  the only reason I can think of for Jinart to reveal any of this now that Darman’s here if she was unwilling to loop Etain in earlier is that Darman already knows about the gurlanin. But Etain is still out of her depth and not sure whether any of this information can be taken at face value now.

“His” in this scene is Hokan. Again, Etain implies that Fulier was kind to her, which is as close as she gets in this book to the kind of emotional reminiscing Omega has for Kal, but believes that she ultimately disappointed him- and that makes her worthless as a Jedi.

After all the status updates and Jinart’s warnings about the locals and Hokan, Darman turns to Etain, expecting the direction that he’s always been taught that the Jedi will effortlessly provide. Except Etain is still caught up in her sense of uselessness, and kind of... implodes instead.

Again, is it a useful or practical reaction? No. But is it one I can relate to? Yeah, by a lot. Especially when it’s called out as the extensive culmination of years worth of dismissal by the Jedi and months of hunger/danger/paranoia. Notice how Etain immediately regrets it though -- and adds it to her list of failures.

Darman is upset, which again, is perfectly reasonable in the situation. He doesn’t call Etain out on it, and he acquiesces to her “order”, but Etain can tell he feels disillusioned/”forlorn”. Jinart kicks him out  so that she can yell at Etain, and we get to the scene that makes me both hurt and rage.

Okay, it feels like Jinart is taking out both the galaxy’s predilection with Jedi and Omega’s social conditioning to obey Jedi out on Etain, but the line “that soldier may think a Jedi’s word is a divine pronouncement, but I don’t.” That would make sense for Jinart to say if Etain was trying to use her newfound authority in an injurious way or was puffed up with self importance, but literally everything objectionable Etain has done so far has been to reject her own worthiness of that authority?

Also:

I’ve seen people before who read RepComm but didn’t care for it scoff at how quickly Etain falls for Kal’s manipulation. But besides the fact that she’ll come to love Dar and Kal is important to Darman, this is why she’s ultimately so easy to manipulate. She desperately wants the purpose that the Jedi raised her with the promise of, but also she’s had literal years of being rejected/feeling worthless. Kal is good at manipulating people’s need for affection/belonging/purpose. He’s just somewhat kinder about it when he does it to Bardan and Besany, at least at a very surface level.

then... then we get to this.

Look, I get that Etain’s personal psychological troubles are not useful to Jinart right now, and that yes, they’re probably an impediment to the mission. I’m not saying that Etain doesn’t need a conversation to shift her focus.

But Jinart literally saying that Etain is so worthless that Jinart would murder her if it woudn’t go against Darman’s social conditioning, a conversation that literally leaves Etain falling to her knees in the middle of a break down... not only is it unfair (yes, whatever “life isn’t fair” saying people. shut up.) it’s also demonstrably counter productive.

Imagine if Jinart had just like... been up front with Etain. Or tried to talk to her rationally about the fact that yes, it’s unfair what she’s been through but they still have the job to do and x, y, and z are the specific ways Etain needs to contribute. Instead Jinart just does her best to verbally destroy Etain, which doesn’t achieve anything, and moves on.

Darman pops back in only seconds later, and I kind of wonder if he was listening to the conversation. If he was, I’m sure it’s unsettling given he was raised to believe the Jedi were infallible. But he also does a remarkable job of showing her the compassion that Jinart won’t in this, scene, and I wonder if anything he might have overheard plays into that.

He’s doing a balancing act, and in all fairness, this has to be awkward as hell, confusing, even painful for Dar. Etain really isn’t the officer he needs right now. But he still opens with “are you okay?”. And when she clearly isn’t ready to have that conversation, he tries to deflect the conversation to something useful. When he eventually gives up and goes silent, it’s Etain signal that she’s gone too far and she’s acting like an ass. So she tries. She apologizes, and she tries to move on, for his sake if not hers.

“He was the only person in many years who had shown any degree of confidence in her, and the first since Master Fulier who had shown her real kindness.”

Etain is desperate for not even real affection or love, though she’s badly starved for those things too, but just simply casual kindness. And the line about confidence gives me all sorts of questions- I am going to have to sit down at some point and figure out how much of that I think is really, truly Kast Fulier not believing in her as his Padawan, and how much is Etain’s own psychology and bias interpreting things in the least favorable manner to herself possible. But for the moment, all that matters is that it shows exactly why what Jinart just did was useless.

Because Etain doesn’t start to respond until Darman tries to treat her, at a bare minimum, with respect and a belief in her potential. And once he does that.... she decides to do the best she can in that moment to be the thing that he needs her to be. First by apologizing for her lack of control/ the way she’s hurt him unfairly, and then by acknowledging her faults and his superior knowledge while still tacitly agreeing to help him on the mission.

Which is the thing that Jinart wanted in the first place, right? 

Dar shows more compassion and understanding towards Etain from the get go than she gets from pretty much any other character in the entire series, if we’re being honest.

We break for a moment from that scene to Niner and Atin discussing dinner, but really there’s nothing super important to recap for most of that page. Omega starts talking about their Sergeants, and Niner is singing Kal’s praises. Kal count raises to 14.

It’s a lot of praise for someone not yet a character. And then --

I’m gonna count that as a separate mention, even though they’re close together, so the Kal Count is now at 15.

Anyway Niner wakes up slightly when Omega realizes the Separatists are burning the fields in an effort to drive out Darman. There’s not much to say about it honest, because it gets little page time as compared to Kal. We do get a nice peek at Atin slowly integrating into the squad -- “he didn’t want to show dissent any longer”-- but it’s fleeting, and then we’re back to Dar and Etain.

Darman and Etain are using her holomap to go over the intel on Separatist positions and using crusts of stale bread and drawing in the dirt to make a map. It’s exposition that’s not too important to characterization, so I won’t bother recapping it, but Darman does mention when Etain asks why they’re drawing in the dirt rather than on the holo that Kal taught him to do it that way because tactile is better or whatever. Which raises the Kal Count to 16.

Jinart inserts herself again to warn them about the fields/farms being burned to flush them out and warns them that they have to run. Darman says he can’t go with out his gear. Jinart throws disguises at them. Dar’s going to have a hard time blending in, but Etain fits in with the “undernourished” locals. Jinart overrides Dar’s objections: no, you can’t go straight to the RV zone, find a safe house off this USB drive I’m giving you instead.

Again, I actually do love that Etain is clearly observing him intensely, but while in another time in place everything she points out might be a sign of attraction, here it’s explicitly her being afraid that he looks too well fed to blend in.

Jinart makes her take out her Padawan braid, which Etain objects to but does, and again, it’s a small but good characterization thing:

She and Dar take off, but Etain is still putting herself down in front of him.

Listen, I’m sure someone somewhere is going to argue that it isn’t Dar’s job to emotionally reassure Etain here, but that’s the situation they’re in, for better or worse, and he does a pretty good job of it, even to the subtlety of calling her “commander” there. 

We very, very briefly jump to Hokan, and honestly the only thing worth noting is how terrible a manager he is:

Underling: *makes a good suggestion*  Hokan: I should punish him for back talking me, even though I admit that he’s right! 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Finally, we get to Niner. Jinart has found Omega, and they almost shoot her until they recognize her as a gurlanin. She gets them caught up to speed, and we get this kind of sweet, kind of heartbreaking moment from Niner, whose biggest character strength AND flaw is honestly his loyalty:

Jinart explains they’re headed for the wrong target. Fi is sarcastic but cheerful.

Oh, fuck you, Jinart.

Jinart notes that the commandos have lost a lot of weight, and Fi confirms they’re burning more calories than planned. Jinart offers to hunt them merlies as long as the squad doesn’t shoot any, arranges to deliver new rendezvous coordinates with Darman, and then starts to help Omega with what in future chapters will develop into a plan to use local mining explosives to take out the local airfield. 

This chapter then FINALLY ends, which is good, because this post is huge and I’m still pissed at Jinart

Retroactive Edit: I realized I missed another incident of Skirata-mention from Niner talking about the “mark one earhole” or whatever the fuck, when Jinart shows up and then a second one about how not even Kal would have known how to deal with Gurlanins, so the Kal Count was updated to 18.