#(altho it would be a joke to say i actually made friends bc of this game can u believe... i have.... sigh. nevermind.)

[gibbearish]

guy who is really mad some people don't like having cake smushed in their faces

guy who is really mad that people smush their friends’ faces into birthday cakes

[kimbapisnotsushi]

here have a medley of miscellaneous timeskip pro team headcanons bc WOW i haven't posted in a while and this is my only stress outlet other than binging new series <3333

starting off strong with ejp raijin LET'S GOOOOOO

washio 🫱🏼‍🫲🏼suna 🫱🏼‍🫲🏼komori: being EXHAUSTED from carrying the pro team world on their backs

no no i'm kidding. mostly

they keep a tally of other pro team matches in which their former teammates go up against each other and are REALLY smug if their respective teammate wins. which means you get shit like this

komori, cheerfully: "so how about that hornets v falcons game last night, huh?" suna: "oh shut UP tell iizuna tsukasa that aran-san could kick his ass any day of the week you little SHIT - "

they ARE united on the jackals front tho. all three of them want the adlers to go down HARD.

is suna nursing a grudge against ushijima from high school? yeah. is he ever going to get over it? probably not.

only komori feels bad bc he is fond of kageyama, but, hey, family's family

they ask washio why he hates the adlers and he looks them dead in the eyes and goes "hoshiumi kourai . . . he is a man that requires constant vigilance"

actually wait i know we all saw everyone watching and talking about the game (which makes me wanna cry SO bad) but god. how fucking funny would it be if players from monster gen convinced everyone else on their very professional and very mature teams to take sides

ejp raijin captain, who's been friends with hirugami fukurou for like ten years: "okay so explain to me again why we need to blow our entire team budget on jackals merch when we're not even going to the goddamn game?" komori: "well, it started on a cloudy but beautifully crisp spring day in 2012 - "

SPEAKING OF TACHIBANA RED FALCONS

hakuba joins the team, sees aran, and IMMEDIATELY starts texting the old kamomedai group chat

altho tbh i don't think there's no way that the "who-from-where-made-WHAT-pro-team" news never breaches the high school circuit. like come ON you know everyone's keeping up with the third year stars when they graduate

by the time the first years are third years they've got everyone pinned down on a fucking MAP. they have a shared file where they update each other on EVERYTHING. it's way less creepy than it sounds they're just a really passionate bunch okay!!!!

well that AND they can't help but brag about their amazing upperclassmen

okay sorry back to it. so it really goes more like

hakuba: "HOLY SHIT OJIRO ARAN FROM INARIZAKI IS HERE" suwa: "hakuba, we already knew that. i linked the article when it first dropped, remember?" hakuba: "yeah but it's still so WEIRD like it's OJIRO ARAN from INARIZAKI" hoshiumi: "lol atsumu told me he talks in his sleep, go find out if it's true"

aran actually does recognize hakuba mostly because gin paid him a compliment ONE (1) time and then aran had to listen to atsumu complain incessantly about the "stupid wall of muscle with stupid hair and his stupid height and stupid arms" ever since

ALSO. i think people get hakuba and hyakuzawa mixed up a lot. they've both got a similar height and build and hairstyle and play the same position

(not to mention the similar backstories)

it becomes a running joke throughout the pro leagues and makes for a fun time with falcons v warriors matches

in the event of a hyakuhina hookup (which i feel like actually could happen) they somehow get onto the topic of "haha it'd be even harder to tell them apart with your eyes closed!" and hinata, without thinking, goes "well, i probably could" and everyone is like "WHAT"

he digs himself an even deeper hole by saying "no, i just meant - i know hyakuzawa's body really well!!!" and everyone immediately starts screaming

poor hyakuzawa is dying on the inside

i think shibayama (MY BELOVED) kind of occasionally forgets that he also has his own fanbase and is sort of semi-famous as the libero of tokai heavy industries esperanza bc. he knows kenma and yaku and lev and komi and yamamoto and fukunaga and, in general, a bunch of people that he believes are much more well-known than he is

he's always so flattered whenever someone stops him in the street to ask for a pic or when he sees posts online gushing about him

this is extra funny bc he never talks about his friends like they're famous so all of his teammates don't really know that shibayama is friends with all these other famous people

and then one of them, an avid kodzuken fan, spams their group chat when kodzuken's newest video is released and shibayama shows up in it

they're like "SHIBAYAMA!! HOW COME YOU NEVER TOLD US THAT YOU'RE FRIENDS WITH KODZUKEN??" and shibayama is like "i have?? i talk about kenma-san all the time??" and they're like "YOU'RE TELLING ME KODZUKEN IS THE SAME KENMA-SAN WHO RIPPED HIS HIGH SCHOOL JERSEY TRYING TO JUMP OVER A FENCE???"

(shibayama's second year. they'd been dealing with things. it worked out, in the end. even if they had to lie to nekomata and naoki about why all their jerseys ended up with holes in them.)

i love the pro teams you guys they're so fucking funny

[logansargey]

Hii, I saw your fic and I thought that the name is kinda familiar and I was righttt! I read through your blog and I agree with u esp with the ah l*stappen. For me, I don��t really get the lore of the relationship. And tendency is that they usually drag other drivers to further their uhm visions ✨ but not really in a good way.

I am Carlos girlie so it really makes me sad that usually in the blogs that I encountered, altho not only that ship, Carlos is like always the bad guy or they put him in a bad light? I mean it is RPF and I just avoided them but to push it thru real life too is weird 😭. Like i get that u dont like him but to push that agenda when the guy didn’t even do anything and Carlos has both good relationship with them so yea 😞

So u can imagine my frustration when that clip with Checo and Max went viral 😾. Like Checo and Carlos are close friends in the paddok, they said it in an interview, what are u on about 😭.

Anyway i want to ask ur ahh opinion about charlos and carcar? I think you already answered versainz. Im a big fan of them too!! Well anything with carlos really 😸

Sorry it might be long 😅

Anon, you can ask me any long question and I'll read all of it. Also I love Carlos so I'm so glad I get to talk about him. This is also kinda long but I wanted to give my full opinion. ALSO YES ABOUT THE FIC!! I LOVE FLORENCE AND HOPED I WOULD FIND SOMEONE THAT KNOWS THEM

So here are my opinions on the things you've asked me:

1. Charlos: I seriously love them. But recently they remind me of a divorced couple. (I'm a child of divorce. I'm talking about Charlos btw. Not actually a child of divorce) And it HURTS!!! if you told me a year or two ago that I'd be going through this, I'd laugh in your face. But I love Charlos and the angst, the humor, and the clinginess. They're honestly so cute. They're not my fav (we all know who my fav is) but they definitely made it to my top 7. But also, I feel like Carlos fans and Charles fans have different opinions abt Charlos. Most Carlos fans love it and adore it, while most Charles fans ignore Carlos and seem to make him a bad person and compare the two. (Which driver was the only non rb winner last year?)

2. Carcar: IT'S HONESTLY SO GOOD!! It's such a random ship bc it came out of nowhere and we all started loving it. The jokes that are made (check Oscar's tt comment section) are so funny. It's probably in my top 5 because I love random funny ships like them. I also love the whole "we share a mutual good friend who wants us to get along but we low-key don't think we ever will" type trope. But Carlos has come forward and talked about their "rivalry" or lack of, I should say. So I approve of Carcar

3. Versainz: idk if I have talked about them, but if I have, oh well I'm gonna talk about them again. Versainz is the best ever. I miss them being teammates and the whole "we're both nepo-babies that need to make our dad's proud and we're fighting for the same seat" I WISH Carlos got that seat, tho I'm happy for Checo. Ily, Checo 🫶🏼 Versainz gives me that whole "we're low-key in love with each other but can't act on it bc we both have trauma and internalized homophobia." vibe and I love it lmaoo. THE FICS ARE SO GOOD TOO!!

anyways anon, hope I gave you the answers you were looking for and if you have anymore questions, you can ask and I'll gladly answer.

[dogcodedcatboy]

Garnet, bittersweet shimmer, and chocolate cosmos (or if you answered these ones already feel free to substitute them!)?

♡ @eternally-smitten :))

hi nat !!!! thank u for sending an ask!!!! 🖤💚

Garnet: How do both of you feel about soulmates or any kind of belief about being fated to be with someone? Have these opinions about it changed after meeting each other? aaron def believes heavily in soulmates n that kind of stuff. he's always been v romance-oriented and like, obsessed with finding The One. b4 he meets roman he's a bit...discouraged and is reaching the 'OK MAYBE i'm meant 2 die alone whateverrrr fuck this gay earth' point. but u know how these things work, sometimes you gotta stop looking so hard and then the right person will find u. red string of fate and all that...anyway he 100 percent believes roman is his soulmate. he will divulge this information when drunk but otherwise keeps his mouth shut bc he knows he will be made fun of sooooo hard

roman does not necessarily believe in soulmates... too much mushy stuff and magical thinking involved. also i don't think he'd allow himself/even be able to like, meditate on his own feelings abt this stuff for a while. very out of touch w his emotions and it's def a process to untangle and sort through All That. he def teases aaron for it, but deep down is really soft on the fact that someone feels that strongly abt him. idk if he'd ever believe in soulmates per say. Bittersweet Shimmer: How does your f/o feel about romance movies and all those subgenres under it? Do they have any favorites for Valentine's Day?

roman is not a romance or romcom enjoyer. he's def the type to enjoy making fun of movies he thinks r shitty tho, so if they're watching a cheesy romance flick it is Exclusively to dunk on it. aaron would never rlly suggest anything frm the genre bc he doesnt like them either, but maybe pretty woman LMAO

Chocolate Cosmos: If your f/o was talking about you to someone like a close friend, how exactly would they talk about you? How would they describe you? Characterize you? And how often do they talk about you to other people?

this. question was the reason this ask took me so long to answer bc everytime i tried to think abt an answer i just said teehee and kicked my feet and short circuited my own brain

how would roman talk abt aaron...idk how many "close friends" roman even has ( kculk said he was #friendless sorry rome :( ) so this is more like how he would talk to his siblings. anyway aaron is not Really a trophy husband (altho they joke abt it) but when roman talks abt aaron its mostly to flex abt how Cool he is. it strokes his ego a little to know he was able to pull a Cool Hot Guy.

roman is also very...repressed. not a strong sense of individuality or identity really. so he appreciates how weird and authentic aaron is. he really admires aaron's confidence

assuming their relationship is public and roman is able to actually talk about aaron + he works thru a little bit of that Repression . i think he would talk abt aaron a fair bit! i mean, he would be bound to come up in conversations sometimes bc like. thats his partner and a lot of his anecdotes involve aaron. but i do think he brings him up to acquaintances unprompted a fair bit.

[uberoll-oystercrackers]

so like related sorta but unrelated sorta but speaking of goofy fandom bullshit and ship tags and how it’s really not a real problem at all but can be incredibly annoying. i feel like ppl who do like larsadie have a tendency to appreciate (and understand...) their friendship a lot more than the ppl who are shouting from the rooftops how great of a job su did at portraying their “breakup” and subsequent so-called return to friendship (some local beach city children may have even at one point claimed- BESTEST BESTIE BEST 5EVA friends?? more at eleven). like what fucking friendship is to speak of after the movie. and the movie was CRUMBS, btw. crumbs! yes i loved seeing them together saur mach but crumbs are crumbly okay. it’s not even a crumb cake. ive bitched abt how shep got the short end of the stick, too. it would have been really nice to see sadie, lars, and shep become good friends. “in a show full of parallels...”. like who the hell wouldn’t want more of whatever the hell the cool kids have going on (i mean in the friendship sense purely for this specific post, like their group dynamic. not the polyamory angle altho that’s fun too n all) like hello?? would have liked to see lars having real human friends, would have liked to see lars and sadie Actually still being friends, would have loved for lars and sadie both to make more friends and get to enjoy those friendships healthily on screen- would have loved for shep to have been an actual character and not just a prop!!! lmao!!! it’s a pipe dream but at least it’s not a pipe bomb, so, pipe down. that’s a joke. anyway!

i have in fact seen two diff people who were upfront about not being into larsadie but they made fanwork of them as friends and it was sooooo good and wonderful and i LOVED it bc what’s important to me abt whatever lars and sadie have going on is their friendship! their connection, their duality, their being each other’s grubby mirror. those people ruled so hard and i wish they were still here making that sweet sweet content but alas, they have other shit to do. rock on party rocker. party rock is. in the house. tonight. but yea i think abt their work a lot and it was great and so caring and encouraging for both characters even in their shittiest moments. also one of those people in particular headcanoned sadie as a lesbian and who can argue with that. that’s just good shit. far be it from me to disapprove of someone just being out here and being correct.

yea of course we here at the nuance lovers getaway retreat club do acknowledge and even love a few individuals from the larsadie no-thank-you-ers society but for the most part... hmm. i’m just saying. i’d love to see people enjoying their friendship outside of the context of telling larsadie shippers specifically to go to hell is all.

and most importantly, sadie miller. thank you and good night.

[vynsvision]

So... Secret of the Tomb, huh.

Definitely kinda did this to myself but having to gring through this much exploration because it wasn't clear A) how to access the exploration (beside thru task screen) and B) how much I had to do to finish it... and C) how I'm kinda messin about with the exploration boost things...???? Because I'm not really sure how any of them work?

This event had a lot going for it but putting it before the anniversaries made me so frustrated already and then the biggest part of the event (exploration) isnt well explained? At least, not to me. Plus the amount of spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors... and a relatively basic story without much content that one flew through in the first few days?

Idk. I was really hoping this event would be really fun and cool and now that I'm down to just under 3 days (72 hrs and I'm gonna go to bed now) to finish all the exploration... it frustrating and disappointing.

Sure, I have time tomorrow and a Wednesday, but im so burnt out by this game because of the expedited event calendar that i know they won't give me time to save s-chips so whats the point.

The art and story itself are neat. The structure and spelling/punctuation/grammar... even writing.... weak.

[twopoppies]

Firstly No pressure to read any of the below it’s just a lil rant after I ended up on the wrong side of tumblr!! ( + I have ADHD and i forgot my meds lol so its a bit disoriented and all over the place) and no response necessary unless you want to!

Oh god I accidentally ended up on the wrong side of tumblr....never ever ever ever again, I went back so fastttt lol im laughing at myself rn for how quickly i clicked away from disgust

i ended up on a blog that stalks u and some other larries and says absolutely atrocious things abt louis (I can send u their @ if u'd like so u can block them) and fully bought the stunt bs happening rn and it was horrible obvs but like i just do not understand like it was so creepy gina and im just so disgusted bc why? yk?

like u were not joking abt anti's actually being obsessed with larries - like half this person's blog was talking abt you and amy and i was just so shocked cause why??? like mate come on what the actual f? get a life please?? (im quite new so im like just now realising how insanely weird and obsessed these anti's are)

Also it was just an overall eye opener for multiple things:

Starting with that 1. the way 1DHQ and 1D Management managed to alienate larries actually worked and i like knew but truly doing a proper deep dive and seeing multiple blogs hate on larries and like obsessively stalk us was insane?? Like they truly believe everything they’re being fed???

Side Note: Lowkey feeling very lucky to have had the education i have because even before i even joined this fandom i believed partially none of the relationships in the news bc like i knew abt this industry and how it worked yk? i mean its logic? i have so many mates that arent even in the fandom that know i am in the fandom and texted me when the articles started rolling out calling it out for what it was: A PR stunt

Hell someone i know whom i had never even talked abt fandom stuff/stunt stuff fully texted me making a joke out of it!!! like people who aren’t even in our fandom can see it and its just insanely surprising that if they can why cant the antis?? im just a bit shocked rn

both from 1. finding someone who actually believes in this stunt and 2. multiple blogs that fully commit their time to stalking u and other larries and once again i knew but fully seeing it

YK AT FIRST I WAS LIKE IS THIS A JOKE I DIDNT BELIEVE IT GINA I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY LEG OR THIS PERSON WAS IDK BEING SARCASTIC AND HAD A MESSED UP SENSE OF HUMOUR but ye anyway

It made me realise that 1DHQ knew what the fuck they were doing when they were trying to alienate larries from the rest of the fandom, once again i am feeling extraordinarily grateful to have grown up with an education where i was literally taught to never trust anything and to always think things thru using logic - “does it makes sense to you? if not find out why, there usually a reason behind everything” my yr 9 english teacher used to say smth like that all the time and it just never left me bc she was always teaching us to judge everything and to take every piece of news we read entertainment or otherwise with a grain of salt and to always if we’re gonna give someone else our opinion or spread this information do our research (its what i am when i say i feel lucky to have had the education i have had)

Eye Opener 2: Anti’s are fully standing y’all u were 100% correct this is some next level stan behaviour if i’ve ever seen some, you’re famous gina!!

It is while surprisingly to realise that anti’s fully believe these things, more surprising to see how they treat larries bc why on earth would u treat any other human being this way??? like dont get me wrong they’re horrible ppl and i fully felt like sending them a message telling them exactly that but i would never bc i just dont want to make another person feel bad abt themselves even if they are that shitty of a person and it was very tempting

I just would like to understand why they feel the need to do this? like why hate on a whole other person? for what believing smth diff to u? having a difference of opinion? how tf are they gonna make it when they get a job??? like??? do u know how often i run into a person with a different opinion then me? it shouldn’t be that big of a deal! we should still be able to be friends with antis! but we’re not - not for lack of trying btw!! they’re just so mean and rude??? when i was in other fandoms when someone believed different things there was never this much hatred at someone for it!! hell there was barely any bc it was understood that it was normal to have diff opinions abt things and i just am truly fascinated by these ppl i swear they remind how stupid the human race can sometimes be not for what they believe (altho ngl a lil of that too) but for how they treat other ACTUAL human beings with different opinions to them

Eye Opener 2.5: Some people need lives, man like they proper do need lives and something to do maybe a hobby or smth? just like a life they need to get one of those and actual live it

and Eye Opener 3: I already felt this way but like even god damn stronger now you deserve a formal apology from both 1DHQ and the universe

and until we get that u deserve amazing things coming from the boys on your bdays to make up for it

Lastly Gina I hope you didn't read thru all that bc I couldn’t even read it over and thus sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I would also like to say that I love your blog and everything about you! you’re an absolute angel and one of the kindest ppl I have ever had the pleasure of well not meeting but stumbling across, you truly make this fandom a much much much better place with your presence (I shudder to think of it without u) that said if you ever need to take breaks or leave Im sure you already know but you should 100%

You first!!! Always! :)

Have a good day Gina, I hope its an absolutely amazing one!

Hi darling. LOL! Reading this was like talking with my kids when they don't take their ADHD meds. Lots of excited thoughts!! I loved it.

And yeah, that blog and their 4 followers are really... not well. But you're very right. 1DHQ made this fandom a breeding ground for people to hate larries and to think it's something Harry and Louis would both approve of. It's gross.

The gaslighting here is powerful, so thank goodness for fans like you who know to question what they're told and to look at things with logic and to do their best to see through their own biases.

Thank you for all the sweet words and your offer to kick butt (in your other message). I really appreciate it!

[bluewinnerangel]

whenever I think about louis and zayn's friendship I always remember my own friend (obvs idk too many details abt their friendship but from what I do know yk?) we were friends for 8years before everything fell apart, it was really complicated the way things went down and the worst thing was that it wasn't exactly our faults that everything happened the way it did, altho it was our faults that the giant ocean between us remained if not increased in size

we were so prideful, im confident it was one of the reasons that made it so hard for us to even speak abt it and even now 3 years later, we've only talked a couple times bc of work and running into each other thru other mutual friends

looking back on it there are some things I wish we didnt say to each other, I miss her deeply and she was always such a dear friend but the chasm between us feels so very big and so very deep and whilst I dont regret how everything went down I do still miss her and talking to her sometimes - its like these two very conflicting parts of me

i started thinking abt all this because shes getting married nxt yr and i (surprisingly) got an invite and im so incredibly grateful to have but i always imagined that i'd be her maid of honour yk? that I'd be one of the ppl designing these invites with her and panicking abt which flowers to get and telling her she looked beautiful in every dress she tired on, it feels so weird right now to be sitting here with her invite to the left of me as I type this, because we were that close and my throat is already closing up just thinking abt being there - it also reminds me of that one moment when an interviewer asked louis and zayn who their best man was gonna be and louis immediately looked at zayn - like that used to be me and her

i will say tho these invites make me very emotional because 5years ago when she had been with her now fiancee, less than half year we joked abt a wedding and we lowkey planned a half assed one, and the invites match the colour scheme (lavender and white and yellow I swear it looks nice i'd send a photo but it wont let me send the ask w/ one) and that could just be bc she liked it like we choose that together but im scared that there are gonna be sunflowers and gardenia's at the wedding I think i'll actually burst into tears if there are bc those were my idea and like i think it would look lovely!! and im defs not one of those 'i was saving that for my wedding!' or whatever it'd be lovely it'd just make me very emotional bc I literally remember the moment i suggested them and the way she looked so suspicious of it and I had to show her and its ingrained in my mind that memory - this is one of the friendships that quite literally shaped me, i've know her since i was 16 (so literally same as louis and zayn)

it just made me wonder if zayn will be invited to louis's wedding yk? and if he'll go thru the same emotions im going thru rn bc it feels like part of my heart is gone yet I feel this insane and deep happiness for her and how far shes come and whilst I've been watching from afar for so long i probably dont even know her anymore it still feels so weird to be going as smth other than next to her and i'll probably be sat at that table of old friends/ppl she hasnt seen in a while and it feels weird, very weird

im sorry for sending u this so randomly, u can defs 100 ignore it, bc its sooo damn long but i remembered ur zayn/louis post that nearly was and just had some thoughts - not that u ever hv to drop it or anything!! no pressure darling

Hey sorry I missed this ask when you sent this but I've read and digested it this morning and I just wanna say thanks for sharing, this is actually very relatable and made me tear up a little. I'm thinking of my 16yo self with my highschool BFF at the time with a friendship that didn't make it out of hs, my ex, very good friends for years that just drifted off once they got a partner, people I talked to every day for years and then not at all, people that moved away, the one that got away, or even people that just were completely toxic. It's different when they're still kinda in your life a little bit but at a distance because you can't really let it be the way it was I guess, dealing with that dynamic shift can really just fuck with your perception of those memories you have with them, but my mindset (in the end) is always that I'm grateful for the time we had, even if it ended horribly or they hurt me or I hurt them or just stopped caring about them for whatever reason, and you know still I'm just fond of the way they "enriched" my life? Idk how else to put it. And even when our relationship was nothing but positive but we still drifted apart for whatever reason I almost never have a need to try and pull them back into it either like I'm just.. grateful they were there at some point. And I'm content with that. For the time we had. Whatever happened, those good (or not even but.. granting life experience I guess let's put it that way) memories are still there. Same for people that are currently in my life, I want them here and I'm so so grateful that they wanna be here that they wanna share a bit of them with me but that's just.. it. Like I don't expect them to stay and this sounds horrible I'm also just not trying to make em stay? I'm just kinda like if you're along for my ride and I'm along for yours, good, if this choochoo mess uncouples detaches goes off to different stations then it was fun while it lasted. I'm not saying it's not a terrifying thought to part ways with for instance my partner for a decade that I still very much want in my life but these 10 years worth of memories and growing together no horrible conscious decoupling for whatever reason is gonna take that away from me, idk if this was an appropriate response but it's where my mind went hah

Another absolutely random thought but this made me think of me and my friend when we were maybe 14, and we told each other that if we were still single by 30 we'd marry each other. He got together with one of our other friends not long after and they married eventually (I'm talking a decade later). I don't talk to them anymore, it would be strange to go "hey congrats on getting married remember we said we'd marry each other hehe!" Ajakskskaka and yet still it's nothing but great looking that that was our friendship once.

Then for our dear zouis, its very hard to figure that out from a couple of interview moments and lyrics that might or might not be about something or not, the idea I have of them is thanks to some links in some of their songs that could be intentional, and it's pretty sad? But then again a song isn't an accurate reflection of every and all sides of a situation/relationship whatever. Will I ever post that leeeeeellll nobody knoowsss.

Oh the rambles.

[locktobre]

bcbd thoughts

right away I see that this is only an hour long, so... it’s not a movie, then. it’s a one hour special, again. I feel like I’m already gonna miss the extra 20 minutes just like dolphin magic but we’ll see I guess. maybe it’ll be a mercy that it’s shorter.

the opening credits/dream sequence was nice. the animation on the city is decent, and the monochrome thing was kind of cool.

her being on stage reminded me a little of Eden, and then immediately I missed Eden so much. they would never let a version of Babs be a bitch now and that’s such a shame.

so now we’re joking about George tracking Barbie’s cell phone? bc that’s fine and not at all an invasion of privacy or anything. also, you can check flight statuses on the internet so that’s really not necessary. also, why the fuck didn’t Barbie call them once she got off the plane? or at least text? I always text or call my mom when I land, and frankly I’m not even as close to my mom as Barbie claims to be to her parents. and I did that when I was 17 traveling alone, too, so it’s not just something I do as an adult. it’s part of the responsibility of traveling to let ppl know that you got somewhere safe so they don’t worry about you. what the fuck Babs.

was that honking supposed to be like censoring the cabbie swearing bc I would love that. let the cabbie say fuck.

I still maintain that this “summer program” thing is bullshit and Babs should have been going off to college. I know they won’t let her grow up but it makes more sense than this does. also, you’re telling me there’s no summer programs for acting/whatever in LA? seriously? she HAD to go across the country for this? and her parents let her? they don’t even trust her! they said that 2 seconds ago! or is tracking her cell phone the reason she’s allowed to travel across the country (to Willows and Florida and Hawaii) by herself in the first place? I hate this I hate it so much already

The Handler Arts Academy... oh I’m feeling emotions

“luck’s got nothing to do with it. you worked your tail off for this” SHOW ME FOR WHEN, PLEASE. this could have been an actual arc of the show, a goal Barbie was working towards that could thread thru multiple episodes... but no. this came out of nowhere. I’m STILL saying that Amelia bought Barbie’s place here bc FUCK YOU SHOW

“I hope I’m good enough” you’re a mediocre rich white woman, you can do literally anything you want.

why is her guitar shoved in a cardboard box and not, idk, in a guitar case? that’s stupid. also, that’s an open cardboard box, so how did that travel on the plane? a closed cardboard box, fine. should be a suitcase, but fine. but this just makes no sense and I am not going to let it slide bc I hate this continuity and everything about it.

however, I will give Brooklyn a pass for the open cardboard box bc she literally lives in NYC and didn’t have to take a fucking plane to get here. she can carry it like that if she wants.

“as long as you don’t break [my leg], we’re good” I’ve already seen Brooklyn in a cast, so... does Malibu literally break her leg later on? even on accident... jesus christ.

is this Russian(?) custodian lady gonna be the antagonist/villain? bc I’m already not vibing with that. not at fucking all.

how the FUCK could they show up a day early? why would they not show up on the day they’re supposed to? that doesn’t make any sense! and if they’re NOT supposed to be there yet, then there would be no staff there to watch them, so they should have to come back tomorrow! they shouldn’t be allowed to be by themselves in a school like this! I’m assuming this is to facilitate a day of bonding without stupid things like classes in the way, but they could have written an orientation day or something in that would have made more sense, and as I said, I am not inclined to give them a pass on anything these days. fuck you all.

so, room assignments are alphabetical... I guess that kind of explains them being in the same room, altho it does feel coincidental that they wouldn’t be, like, in neighboring rooms. also they didn’t animate little signs on the other doors, even with nonsense text if they didn’t want to put other names up, so their door really sticks out for no reason. also, shouldn’t it say “Barbie Roberts & Barbie Roberts” or some other way of having both names on the door? also, if the school knows they have the same name, couldn’t they put middle initials or something? we know Malibu is Barbie M. Roberts, and I will generously assume that Brooklyn’s middle name is something else, so that would have been fine. this really feels like the administrators don’t give a fuck, and in a supposedly prestigious school, I don’t buy that.

so, Brooklyn has been training every summer in different programs, very intensely, to get in here... and Malibu trained on the internet. what have I been saying about Malibu’s white mediocrity? hmm?

even after that (lackluster) montage, it feels way too soon for “Before Us.” I don’t believe they’re best friends who warrant a song about their friendship. I don’t believe that at all.

I like the bald fashionista being on the billboard, that’s a nice touch.

Malibu bringing up her vlog like that gives me hives. she has already stated multiple times that she does that to help ppl, not for clout, and yet. here she is. being a fake ass bitch once again.

Brooklyn and Emmie’s story is already way more interesting than this and I’m pissed that’s just backstory.

LOVE that green-haired dude. idk where you’re going with that drum but godspeed my dude.

I’m assuming that’s Emmie incognito in the back, but... what’s she doing here if she’s already famous? pulling an Erika Juno?

Dean Morrison seems cool

(is it too early to ship Brooklyn x Emmie?)

if pets are allowed in this school, I’m SHOCKED Malibu didn’t bring Taffy. truly fucking shocked.

Rafa reminds me so much of Jacques Rousseau

“the only labels we believe in are designer” so Rafa’s gay, right? Barbie’s first gay character? I can only assume

the ballet thing still doesn’t make sense to me, if their goal is to be on Broadway. ballet is an entire art and discipline in itself.

fencing makes more sense, bc stage fighting is a thing.

‘work it’ is even funnier than I imagined. Malibu you’re such a fuck up. and I can’t even cut you some slack bc earlier you said your training was “internet.” you didn’t work for this and you don’t belong here. die.

if this was PCS, Malibu would have been kicked out already. YOU WERE NOT PREPARED FOR THIS. WHAT HAVE I BEEN SAYING FOR MONTHS.

so, the ‘work it’ montage clearly showed the passage of time, it’s been at least a week, and... Malibu hasn’t talked to Ken at all during that time? this is the first time she’s telling him about Brooklyn?

ok, confirmed to be a week. and she hasn’t talked to Ken. of course. they are so close of course she hasn’t talked to him in a week, especially when she’s been struggling so much and would need to vent to a friend about it. of course.

so, Emmie is pulling an Erika Juno. at least she’s in disguise.

jesus christ, they’re really having Emmie be exploited by her own father??? JESUS.

ok Brooklyn x Emmie is sailing.

Brooklyn’s mom is an airline pilot, that sounds cool.

so the dresses are powered by the magic of friendship? cool. that’s stupid.

of COURSE Emmie’s dad is the board member. jesus christ I hate this dude.

okay, so she DIDN’T break her leg, it’s only a sprain. thank god. poor green-haired drum dude.

saying “epic fail” in 2021 unironically is not cool, mattel. unless I’m even more out of touch with the youth than I thought, but I’m pretty sure about that.

wait, so Brooklyn was dancing... and now she’s on crutches again? what is this montage? they fucked up here.

of all things to kick Malibu out for, they’re saying she pushed Brooklyn? why not all the fuck ups in her first week?

also, Rafa was taping that class so how do they not bring that up immediately? that’s the whole reason they were dancing over there in the first place! (so he might not have caught anything, but still, I have to assume that’s going to fix this bc that’s what these movies do.)

I really like Malibu’s leather jacket look, but she does look a little bit old I think. Brooklyn’s leggings look is nice, too.

okay, so Brooklyn suddenly believes the unnamed witness over the girl she sang ‘before us’ with? okay. I told you this friendship was a crock of shit. they don’t trust each other at all! Brooklyn should have been angry when she first fell, and it builds to thinking that she was sabotaged, but she brushed it off... and now she’s pissed. that makes no sense.

this friendship breakup song also means nothing to me bc their friendship fell apart for such a stupid reason. fate didn’t tear you apart, you tore yourselves apart by not trusting each other. stupid little children.

if Brooklyn’s ankle isn’t completely healed aka still painful, she should not be dancing on it, she could injure herself more or at least prolong the healing process.

ok, so NOW, after Malibu has already been expelled and sent back home, they remembered the video. these kids are so fucking stupid. and of COURSE the unnamed witness is Mr Miller! Emmie, you ALREADY KNOW that your dad is shady as shit and wants you to get the Spotlight Solo! HOW DID YOU NOT PUT THIS TOGETHER IN 5 SECONDS? I DID

so, Mr Miller thought Malibu was Emmie’s biggest competition for the solo? Malibu, the spectacular fuck up? not Brooklyn? or any of the background extras? I refuse to fucking believe that. I REFUSE.

how did George and Margaret just let Malibu get expelled without flying out there to fight the charge? seriously?

how is is Brooklyn singing ‘before us’ in-universe such that Malibu recognizes it? you’re breaking the conventions of musicals! I don’t get this!

I like Brooklyn’s mom being a pilot less after it’s been used to facilitate this bullshit part of the plot.

again, just “Barbie Roberts” makes no sense. where’s a middle initial to differentiate them! SOMETHING! I know they’re doing the finale together, but still, it’s STUPID.

shipping Rafa x green-haired drummer dude bc I can

where’s the Emmie doll for this movie?????? I’m so disappointed. also the other outfits, the leather jacket and leggings ones, I swear those weren’t dolls either. what the fuck

I see more fashionistas on billboards at the end! I really like that

so the custodian wasn’t a villain... then why that introduction for her? that went nowhere

is “Big City Big Dreams” supposed to be Emmie’s song? that Malibu lips-synced to on her vlog (apparently)? I can’t tell by the voice and they don’t list the voices for the songs in the credits

overall, once again it largely made no sense. idk if it would have benefitted from 20 extra minutes of screentime bc nothing really happened.

also, what the fuck happened to Mr Miller? he just keeps on exploiting his daughter? and for that matter, what happened to Emmie’s mom? bc she lived with her, and then all of the sudden her dad was in her life again and exploiting her, so... what did mom die? did he kill her? what am I supposed to think? and Emmie’s STILL stuck in that situation? girl. what the fuck

also of course they were too cowardly to confirm anything about Rafa. of course.

[mallowstep]

talking about my oc because i want to

so my blood sugar is doing a Thing and while i wait for that to regulate itself, i figured i'd ramble about my boy mallowstep for a while!

mallowstep, i.e. the title of this blog, is my warriors...oc? he's...not quite a self-insert, but he was the oc i made as a child, altho his backstory has been reworked many, many times, including very recently with inclusion of lore from the sisters.

anyway.

i figure if i type out some words i'll be distracted while i wait for the Good Food to sort itself out. (i'm fine btw. i don't talk about Personal Stuff here mostly but rest assured, i'm fine. just a lil shakey until i eat.)

on that note, my spellchecker is off because hands shakey means i do not want to navigate any way but typing.

right. mallowstep. key points:

he's got a white front left leg. i change the side a lot when i draw him but it's supposed to be left, and all of his paws are white.

i don't want to rework him bc i love him but also his whole deal is very much Impossible i was like eight when i thought of all of this

his vision is shit. he's not blind, but uh, somewhere around 20/400 vision. roughly. he can't see shit, is what i'm saying, he can't see shit.

or okay, so he's blind but in the sense of being "legally blind," not what people think of as blind.

this is because cats don't have opthamalogists. eye doctors. he has no glasses.

he's got a younger brother named deerpaw. same mother, different father. their mother is not around, so mallowstep is stepping in somewhat as a parental figure for deerpaw, but not fully.

he's a medicine cat? did i mention that? by choice. he chose this.

he sees the Ghosts. it's a whole thing with his backstory. but he sees the Ghosts.

his best friend is named kestrelwing (altho i'm considering kestrelsong), and her mate is mossytail. they've got three kits: eaglekit, kitekit, and dawnkit. (whose eventual warrior names are eagleclaw, kiteflower, and dawnstorm. i change those a lot rn tho it's just what i'm feeling at the moment.)

they're skyclan cats.

uhh there's a running joke about how mallowstep could have sired kestrelwing's kits and no one would know.

(he did not.)

deerpaw's eventual warrior name is deerleap.

okay, so...uh, idk?

mallow is born to the sisters, probably in a litter but his story Begins when he's left. he's not born with as bad of vision as he ends up with, so he does okay at first. he meets a cat named jag, who he grows close with.

(this is also in my about page, btw.)

jag and mallow are around the same age, and they're...they've got tallstar/jake vibes, is what i'm saying. (i'm not avoiding saying they're gay, here, but that's the vibe. tallstar and jake are gay in a different way to ravenpaw and barley, is what i'm saying.)

right, so anyway. jag is...fuck i forget his backstory, but he ends up meeting a different traveling group of cats. he falls for a she-cat named violet, and when her group gets ready to leave, he follows.

mallow is pissed. mallow basically writes off jag immediately. his vision is getting worse and worse, and he's pretty convinced he's going to end up blind. jag is like, "but i said you could come with us!" and mallow is like "bruh! i can't! for a very clear and obvious reason, i need to stay in an environment i know!"

so they part ways. they never meet again, this is all like, exposition.

mallow is pissed, but he also is kind of convinced jag is going to come back for him. so he stays where he is, because he just...in a way, he needs to believe that jag will be coming back for him.

the ghosts start talkin' to him, being like, "you should move on," and he's like "fuck no," but eventually they persuade him.

in part because it's becoming obvious he can't take care of himself.

(before you @ me, the most self-insert-y part of this is mallow's disabilities, and i'm not really listing what's wrong with him, because part of his story is figuring out his own limitations.)

anyway, he's a trash hunter, and he's got problems, and the ghosts are like! you know! there's some other cats you can live with. go live with them.

and because this takes place in a weird combination of canon and noncanon lore (the ghosts thing always was a part of his backstory, but when i discovered the sisters, i reframed it as that, and so on. basically, his backstory has been tweaked many, many times, so parts of it don't line up with canon and parts do. just keep that in mind.)

right because this takes place in a weird combo of canon and noncanon lore, mallow ends up w/ skyclan but a completely different set of skyclan cats than canon. i think the leader is dovestar? or rosestar? i don't remember, they're not super important.

so mallow shows up, like, hi! i can see ghosts, and passes out. the medicine cat, oakfrost, takes care of him, he meets kestrelpaw, mossypaw, aspenpaw, and birchpaw (i liked tree names okay?), and they're all good friends.

(aspenpaw and kestrelpaw are littermates, mossypaw and birchpaw are adoptive littermates. aspenpaw and birchpaw don't have much relevance in the story, because they don't.)

okay, mallow agrees to train as a medicine cat, he resolves some ghost issues, he's about a year and a half old, and deer shows up and oh i forgot to explain something, mallow leaves trail markers in case jag follows him back. it's four white stones bc mallow can see white p well and he has four white paws.

right, so deer doesn't know this, but he does know where mallow was left, and he actually is young, he runs away from the sisters because they're moving on, and he wants to find his brother. he's like four moons old. in an mostly unexplained manner, deer figures out the trail, and yeah.

this happens maybe like, two weeks after mallow becomes mallowstep. and the clan is kind of like...another one? but they take him in because well they don't really approve of the sisters and at least deer (now deerkit) is not blind.

(they don't say that part but it's on their mind.)

deer btw is adorable he looks kind of like a fawn. he's a dilute chocolate (which is called fawn but i didn't know that when i named him) ticked tabby, and he's got a white underside, and a white tail tip. they both have that, actually, but mallow doesn't care about his.

(mallow is a silver tabby? did i ever say that part. you can get an idea by looking at my icon, but he also has a lot of browm markings that aren't really shown.

woof okay sorry, you guys can't tell but i can i had to remind someone that no, i very much Need to Eat and you cannot unexpectly change dinner times on me.

right. but i am running out of time, so i'll wrap this up.

deer comes, and becomes deerpaw, we have a bit of a timeskip, kestrelwing is in the nursery, etc...

skyclan needs to leave. the villain was never specified, it can be darktail. the important thing is! they send a scouting party. the plan is, crew one will go, and the rest will leave in three moons. that gives crew one enough time to turn around. they leave a trail behind them a la mallowstep (who doesn't go with them, because, blind. oakfrost goes, she dies before the groups reunite, mallowstep is very sad.)

right, deerpaw goes! he leaves, it's all very symbolic, bc this time mallowstep does follow the trail and he does come back to the one he loves. with also a cute scene in between when skyclan is on its way and mossytail, mallowstep, and kestrelwing are each carrying a kit.

alright, and that's pretty much that. lots of me rambling for no reason. there's a lot of other stuff that happens, kestrelwing is a fun character, etc., but that's the main body of it.

<3

[im-the-king-of-the-ocean]

I know this is asking a lot so you don’t have to do all of them but 1,4,5,23, and 39 for Blinky and Aaarrrgghh please?

I’m happy to do all of them 😊 this is just the kind of thing I needed tonight tbh

1. How do they fall asleep? Wake up? Any daily rituals?

Arrrgh!!! gently guides Blinky, who always tries to insist ‘just one more chapter’ even though he’s getting tired, away from his books to go to sleep.  They have a spot in an area behind Blinky’s library that they’ve set up for sleeping with comfortable blankets and cushions.  Arrrgh!!! will settle down first, and then Blinky will snuggle up against him.  Alternatively, they’ll snuggle first and Blinky will read to Arrrgh!!! until both of them drift off.

Blinky tends to be the first awake.  He goes about his morning business quietly, as to not wake Arrrgh!!! up.  However, Arrrgh!!! generally wakes a minute or two after Blinky, but pretends to be still asleep so he can watch Blinky going about the work he loves.

Before Jim became the Trollhunter, Blinky mainly ran his library, which he did allow other trolls access to (altho few ever did come seeking his knowledge and he seldom allowed those that did to take books out of the library’s vicinity).  Arrrgh!!! would wander Trollmarket, offering help to whoever needed it with a task that required a little extra strength.

Though they’d spend hours separate, they’d always come together and share meals with each other.

4. First impression of each other? Was it love at first sight?

Blinky, at first, was intimidated by Arrrgh!!!, especially because he knew of him as Gunmar’s general first and foremost.  Once he got to know Arrrgh!!! and become acquainted with his true personality, Blinky almost instantly fell in love.

(so not quite at first sight, but at first realization of who the other actually is)

Arrrgh!!! had a quiet affection for Blinky since the beginning, but kept his distance bc he knew the Trollmarket trolls were still nervous around him.  When he gained Blinky’s friendship, Arrrgh!!! thought that was more than he could ever hope for.  Sometimes he’s not sure he believes that Blinky does in fact care about him that much.  Blinky never hesitates in reassuring him.

5. - Nicknames? Pet names? Any in-jokes?

It’s not really a nickname/pet name, but Arrrgh!!! has a special rumble he reserves for saying Blinky’s name to him in.  He never takes the tone with anyone else and it’s impossible for Blinky not to hear to love behind it.

Blinky has an extremely lovesick expression he’ll take on when he’s watching Arrrgh!!! (and when he thinks Arrrgh!!! doesn’t know he’s watching, but Arrrgh!!! generally does).

When they first started training Jim and Toby, Blinky and Arrrgh!!! would come up with all these made-up trollish history references to offhandedly say in front of the boys.  Initially, it was a way for Blinky to test whether or not Jim was keeping up with his studies (if he was, he’d be able to tell truth from fiction).  However, then it became habit for them to try to make the other laugh by saying increasingly outlandish things.  Particularly good ones became in-jokes for them (where the mere mention could send either Blinky or Arrrgh!!! into a laughing fit).

23. How do they hug? Kiss? Tease? Flirt? Comfort?

For hugs, Arrrgh!!! picks Blinky up in his arms, squeezes, and spins him around and around.

They press their foreheads together in the trollish way for kisses (I’ve had a longstanding headcanon that this is a way for trolls to show deep affection).

I don’t think either really teases or flirts, but they never hesitate in admitting their love to one another.

Comfort involves one wrapping any number of arms around the other (depending on how many they feel are needed at the time).

39. Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

Neither really initiated the relationship.  Blinky decided to try his best to welcome Arrrgh!!! soon after his defection.  They became friends first, and then over time, they kept growing closer and closer until neither could imagine life without the other.

Their first kiss was initiated by Blinky, who felt it was the most natural thing to do at the time.  He got extremely flustered and embarrassed until Arrrgh!!! returned the affection less than a minute later.

They realize they’re in love in the small, day-to-day moments.  They’ll look up and realize there’s no one they’d rather spend their time with.

Ship Asks

[feycreature]

Every other multiple of 2 as well as all prime numbers.

u are. mother fucker.

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

coffee mugs. i have so many. 

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

lollipops but i dont eat sweets much to begin with

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

bubblegum

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

i prefer to not drink soda

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

somewhere between goth and grunge side note what the fuck is boho

7. earbuds or headphones?

headphones

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

FLOOR HOCKEY. my sophomore year we cut our hockey unit short by a week because the Str8 Boys got mad that they didnt understand hockey and my team kicked ass

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

lunch.

13. lanyard or key ring?

i dont have keys.

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

this is hard bc i dont eat sweets and i dont like chocolate much to begin with. im gonna go with starbursts

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

doc martens but theyre hiking boots

18. ideal weather?

60 degrees, sunny, not windy, maybe a little rainy.

19. sleeping position?

side, mostly

22. role model? 

i try to live a life that would make taliesin jaffe proud

23. strange habits?

oh there are so many but the only one that comes to mind is blowing into cups when i take them out of the cupboard

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

oh fuck i love swimming. but i havent swam in years. and probably wont get to until i get top surgery. so im gonna go with jet skiing because i can actually Do that

29. best way to bond with you?

i was gonna say share music with me but. the real answer is play dnd with me i am not joking

30. places that you find sacred?

other peoples’ homes. thats not my place to Be thats not my place to interfere with i Hate being in other peoples homes. our last two store meetings have been at my managers’ houses and i HATE knowing where my managers live and i HATE that ive been in their houses and sat on their furniture and eaten their food that is Their Space im not their friend i do not belong there

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

any t shirt, ripped black jeans, tall docs with too many buckles, black denim jacket i turned into a vest with safety pins along the shoulders, an assortment of spiky accessories, probably eyeliner

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

my dad forces the o’reily’s jingle into my brain on a daily basis

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

arnold palmer babey

41. last person you texted?

u, dork. altho if we’re talking actual phone number texting, then my mom

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

it depends what it is. if its something im definitely using and will be annoyed for sure if i leave in my jacket like my phone or wallet it goes in my pants pockets, if its something im temporarily holding or wont use any time soon like pens/my inhaler/pads/change it goes in my jacket

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

comfort and my actual wardrobe says jean jacket, but my heart and aesthetic say bomber jacket

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

sweatshirt and underwear.

47. favorite type of cheese?

gouda i think

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

learning that one of my coworkers had a crush on one of the clowns from barnum and baileys and stands by it followed immediately by another coworker chiming in with “okay but teenage simba was HOT”

53. what is the current state of your hands?

cold and scabby (my tattoo is still healing)

54. what did you learn from your first job?

dont work in a warehouse. just dont.

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

i can draw, i can sing in front of people, id like to think im a good dm, and im apparently good enough at navigating customer service that in my year and a half at starbucks only ONE customer has ever complained about me and it was over something i said that she misheard

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? 

i was going to say “based on what i say the most itd be okie dokie” but thats a lie by that logic it would actually be “hi! what can we get started for you?”

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

“If I could pull the blood of you from my veins, I would.” -vex, critical role

62. seven characters you relate to?

OOH OKAY THIS WAS A LOT HARDER THAN I THOUGHT ITD BE

weiss schnee (rwby)

rabbit (steam powered giraffe)

wolf (kippo and the age of wonderbeasts)

scorpia (she-ra)

aubrey little (the adventure zone)

beauregard (critical role)

ruby rose (also rwby)

66. favorite flower(s)?

lillies!

67. good luck charms?

a collection of randomly found foreign change in my jacket pocket, a pretty d10 that was accidentally included in one of my dice orders in my Other jacket pocket

70. left or right handed?

so. im right handed. but im naturally left handed. my granny was one of those people who thinks left handed people are the devil so she forced me to use my right hand, so i default to using my left hand but its absolutely useless

71. least favorite pattern?

FUCK PAISLEY.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

i know that this Means like mint chocolate or pineapple on pizza or something but. toffee nut and peppermint starb syrups. nobody believes me that its good except the supervisor that got me to try it. its good i swear.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

about a 6 unless its a prescription. if i can stand im gonna suck it up

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

im rly paranoid about foodborne illness so i Have to go with gas station coffee even tho im a little bit of a coffee snob

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

jokes on u i dont have either!

82. pc or console?

pc is this even a question

83. writing or drawing?

drawing

86. cookies or cupcakes?

cookies

89. who would you put before everyone else?

buster.

90. luckiest mistake?

the other day i made a drink wrong and more complicated that it needed to be and the moment i realized my mistake someone came through the drive thru and ordered the EXACT drink i had just made by mistake 

94. favorite season?

fall, hands down

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

exactly one and its mine

98. favorite historical era?

romantic.

[ethospathoslogan]

this was supposed to be a really quick post on a certain thing from the new video and, instead, it got really long and i don’t think it makes any sense

also might be an unpopular opinion so let’s see how this goes omfg

ngl once all the holiday excitement dwindles down, im gonna rewatch the new sanders sides video and Actually watch it (so probably tm night), but there has been something abt the new video that i’ve been sitting on today

and it’s that i felt really bad for virgil in it

like, to be blunt, as someone who has been the friend who isn’t taken seriously and who has been the butt of jokes before, it’s a really shitty feeling to not be taken seriously. it’s why i felt bad for logan in “moving on, part one,” because i felt for him. in that moment, that was when i realized that logan was My Dude and the side that i felt most connected with bc that was when i truly got logan, when i understood his need to be taken seriously and listened to, and also his confusion/inability to handle feelings like that.

and, watching the new video last night, i felt the same towards virgil

like, granted, i myself did not think virgil was scary, nor have i ever thought virgil was actually scary, but the sides, for a long time, found him, at the very least, concerning. and then, with “accepting anxiety,” that fear became acceptance but, over time, i think that acceptance became.... i don’t want to say “disregard,” bc that sounds really invalidating and harsh, but i guess sorta disregard??? and, like, with that video yesterday, virgil was trying to be scary. and, no, it’s not like it was out of malice, he just wanted to give the other sides a good scare w/ his blood and fangs and a knife

and, like, lbr, a year ago in sanders sides, virgil would’ve probably scared the living shit out of them (like how he literally wanted to)

but then he didn’t, and, now be liberal w/ me here bc i watched that video at like 12:30am, weren’t all the sides like “oh hi virgil” and (okay i just went back and watched the beginning to refresh myself) then roman was like “nope not scary like that” and logan went off on how virgil isn’t “doing his job” and patton was, altho trying to be encouraging... yes kinda patronizing, but i’ll get to that

and like idk, thomas said himself, “it’s good you’re not scary bc you’re part of the group!!!” which, idk, to me it sounded like, “you can’t be scary if you’re in the group.” which i guess was dealt with in the video but??? still is, ngl, kinda pretty invalidating. which, again, was dealt w/, so i digress

okay now ngl i right now as i type this at my kitchen table, am kinda hesitating to talk more abt this next point bc i have a feeling it’s probably an unpopular opinion and also i feel like i might be attacked if i “””speak against””” (using the terms loosely) this certain side but

i,,,, completely totally 110% get why virgil is kinda pushing back from patton???

like don’t get me wrong, i love patton and he has a special place in my heart, but i was, ngl, kinda happy to hear that the cute nicknames were gonna stop bc i had a feeling that was starting to grind virgil’s gears. and, w/ that, i guess we get into my actual point??? god this post is a mess im so sorry

basically, as someone who hasn’t been taken seriously before by people who mean the world to me, i completely get why virgil is sorta pushing back against patton, even if patton is trying to change his approach to virgil and also still be encouraging

one of the first moments that stood out to me is patton telling virgil to try and be scary again, virgil doing so, and an awkward silence passing over before patton forces himself to act scared. and, with that, virgil says to him, “put your pants back on, don’t patronize me”

like??? i felt that line. i felt it a lot. esp the “don’t patronize me” point. bc, honestly, virgil isn’t a child. he doesn’t need to be coddled. honestly, he probably would’ve rathered just been told “not scary” than have his best friend obviously overcompensate fear to placate him in a way that is kinda like a pity clap. i realize that wording might sound kinda harsh, but it’s kinda true. not like patton was actively trying to do that, it was just in his nature, but it still got on virgil’s nerves

and, yes, i feel bad for patton bc he’s trying his best, but i think i will always feel worse for virgil in this moment??? like idk if this is necessarily an unpopular opinion, but i’m gonna feel worse for the “injured party” than the one who did the “injuring” (using the terms loosely bc it’s not like patton is actively trying to piss off virgil)

and then another moment that stood out to me was when virgil was actually like, “patton, chill out!” or something like that. again, not rewatching the entire video, so idk exactly when it happens, but ik it happened bc i replayed virgil saying it one or two more times

and like...... okay i feel like we’ve been knew that idk where i’m going with this, but that’s another thing that i felt from virgil. like i can feel his frustration and his want to be taken seriously bc, as stated, it’s a lot like what i’ve felt w/ logan. and, as seen, his frustration was enough for him to be like, “patton, enough!” bc, honestly, to me, it seems like virgil just wants to be treated normally??? he wants to be treated like an equal friend and, w/ that, he doesn’t need compensation or pity. and, even if patton doesn’t mean for it to come off that way, it’s still how virgil is interpreting it. and i think he sees that patton’s trying, but it’s kinda like when he and roman were first fixing their friendship and roman would do 180 flips on his insults (”good at making virgil para-viGILANT!!! PARAVIGILANT!!!”)

like, i think what i’m trying to get at is......... if we were to break this down to it’s most oversimplified terms, im on virgil’s “””side””” in this one

and i think im thinking abt this so much bc i’ve seen a lot of posts almost like... looking past virgil in this??? which is shocking tbh bc, to be fair, so many of the logan/roman videos were interpreted to be abt virgil/patton and the moment there’s a virgil video, suddenly it becomes not abt virgil like, i’ve seen a lot of posts feeling bad for patton and thinking of the angst that can come from patton being told to chill out, and that isn’t bad!!! hell, i love patton, and i can see where people are coming from!!! this isn’t me bashing anyone!!!

but i do think it’s important to point out that, yes, patton might be struggling with the fact that he’s, well, struggling on how to work with his best friend in a way that is loving but also suitable for virgil, but virgil is the one who is the actual “injured party”? i use the term “injured” loosely bc, to me at least, it looked like virgil was more annoyed than anything but, again, speaking from experience, my own annoyance and aggravation eventually lead to me crying hysterically on one best friend and lashing out at another (all is well now tho so we good).

so i think what i’m trying to say overall is that, yes, i get where patton’s own confusion and such is coming from!!! it’s difficult to deviate from habits!!! but i think virgil’s part in this shouldn’t be overlooked. like, yes, patton has to learn how to adjust his type of love, which can be difficult, but virgil is the one who, frankly, seemed to feel kinda bad from it??? i mean, i can’t blame him, if i was called/treated like a child who needed coddling all the time, i would start to reach the end of my rope, too

this post got so away from me, im kinda hesitant to post it. basically, i really felt for virgil, im more concerned w/ how he’s doing, and i saw a lot of similarities between him and logan in that episode (even tho i wanted to tell logan to stop being a dick abt virgil not being able to “””do his job”””) (logan ily ur my fave side but u were a dick)

so, yeah, im really sorry if my shitty post made you lose braincells lmao, i kinda lost where i was going w/ this and just rambled

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 3: "This is a lying game. You have to be good at lying." - Michael

It’s sad bitch hours with your boy skinny penis!!!!!!!! Uhm I’m not in a good position I don’t think KSKSKSKSKSKSK Alex told me he, Caeleb, Evan, Jules, and JJ all have a 5 person alliance possibly forming,,, and if you do the math that’s 3/4 of the brigade,,,,, yk,, the one with Jules, JJ, Alex and some irrelevant bitch named ME!!!! Alex is reassuring me saying it’s all for the brigade, but I’m waiting for Jules or JJ to say something about it, or else I’m not gonna feel so good yk??? Like if it’s for the brigade then you should feel comfortable w telling me about it,, like basically all this is telling me is that I’m the most expendable member of the alliance but I die gress,,,,,, Speaking of the brigade idk how I feel about the brigade strategy ? I just feel like there are a lot of moving parts to it, and it lowkey feels like a selfish excuse to have more allies for yourself JSJDJSJSJJSSKS like,,, idk, plus I feel like there are more chances for flipping and I’m like blehhhhh. It’s dumb. Everything’s dumb. I’m dumb. I flopped in the bridge. I’m soooo dumb. Pls destroy me. I’m probs fonna throw this immunity to JJ bc WHILE I LOVE alex’s joking remark about blindsiding him at 18th, I feel like if I try and set it up for a JJ win then it’ll seem like he’s good w everyone and put a target on his back,,, idk!!! Idk. I just want some form of power. I’m hungry. Gimme gimme.

Omg me and Ali are SOOO close to the idol....!!!! unless its already been taken ugh but I was like almost there today but fell at 90 so he will prob get it which is cool better than anyone else !! altho would still be nice to have it hehe . tho knowing my idol history of wasting and being blindsided with it.. .maybe its for the best not for me to have it LOL

So its kinda awk last round I voted Noah I think most people did so now idek what to say to him ahhh . and now its a double tribal soo hopefully its just a repeat but. after this its prob a swap which is scary but I hope I atleast end up with ali or mitch or even jared, and from the other side my queen willow

omg Reuben "sandwich" Studdard, american idol season two WINNER helped me get that IDOL

We shockingly won immunity wow!! That at least saved us from going to tribal and kinda spared Noah if everyone was telling the truth to me before the results.

Then here comes double tribal and first of, it’s good we won immunity on the previous round because the double tribal is screaming a swap next and all tribes will probs be equal in og tribe member numbers. Secondly, if everyone is still in the same page then the target is still Noah.

Honestly tho, I kinda want to target Michael just cuz he threw my name out to Julia. But it’s difficult to go against the consensus even more so because of this twist.

Right now, I’m in an alliance with Jason and Julia which I’m gonna be loyal to. I’ve also got this thing going with Jared where we share information and I think he has something going with Michael? I’m also working my relationship with Ali and Benj, so I’m gonna keep them in my back pocket for now. I’m also a bit close with Mitch. That only leaves Michael and Noah as the people I haven’t really connected with. I mean did talk with Michael about academic and stuff but it’s still hard talking to him hahahaha. Talking to Noah is fine but like from what I’m getting he is the next to go, mainly because Jared and Michael were I think the ones who threw his name out among the others including to me, so it’s hard to become invested to talking to him :((

I’m trying to cover all my bases here, and not be a so oblivious on what’s happening in my tribe. Nicole G is my spirit animal!

me: I should at least try and keep this idol a secret

benj:

benj:

Me: OKAY I FOUND THE IDOL WOO

okay so.... its paranoia o'clock and julia is who the clock struck on.

"i think a couple others might put me as 1"

this is what she said when i told her i was putting her top of my list. this is freaking me out, because a) this means others think she is their top ally b) its just.... what? like... julia is obviously connected and this freaks me out.

in other news, my list for the challenge is probs gonna be this: julia > jared > ian > benj > mitch > jason > michael > noah

julia because she is my ally, jared/benj in 2nd and 4th because that is our plan, ian high because king, mitch/jason middle because kings, and then michael and noah because they are my biggest worries.

i think some shenanigans could happen with this challenge and a twist or something, i don't really know what to think. i don't think i want to win, i feel like i've already got a lot of attention from doing good in challenges, if i win this one thats going to get me even more unwanted attention.

but ya, so otherwise... benj is such a king, he is playing the kind of game (at least I think) that i always want to... just super social and nice, and like lowkey strategic. i think earlier on, i made jason my winner pick, i think he might be a lil' bit too inactive, i think i'm feeling ian or benj as a winner pick now. its defo not gonna be me, have you ever SEEN me play, i'm a whole mess.

okay so... nancy drew hat is on and i'm onto the biggest threat on our tribe. its Ian.

here is the evidence, it comes from two people who freak me out on this tribe. julia and jared.

STAGE 1: Jared sending his list (a choice...?)

This is apparently Jared's list. 1. Ian 2. Ben 3. Jason 4. Ali 5. Michael 6. Julia 7. Mitch 8. Noah

Couple of interesting things here. Jason is high, Ian is VERY high and Julia is low. Already my radar is ping-ping-pinging about Ian being high, because he has been on my radar before, he hasn't got far in games before by fluke, he is smart. Also, I've been feeling for a while (and have been talking to Benj about this), that Jared has other allies, other people he is working with (he is evidently playing multiple sides, but he is obvious so i'm not as fussed). Anyway, so Jared I've felt has been playing other angles, and now Ian is his top choice!

I think I did a smart today too. My 2nd/4th strategy. What it was, was for me/Benj/Jared to put each other 2nd and 4th on our lists, to not sabotage each others' chances of winning, but also not give away our alliance. It had two additional purposes, to allow me to put someone else 1st to build trust, and to see who they put first. Jared put Ian. which... is very interesting. very very interesting. This ties into theory #2

STAGE 2: Julia says Mitch is targeting her....

"Hello!!" - from Ian, at 00:41 "ummm mitch is throwing my name out" - from Julia, at 00:47

okay so this solidifies to me that Ian is defo playing SO smart. When I told Julia she was top of my list, she was.. notably quiet about where I am on hers. And like... i dont care jkalsfda, i don't want to win. But it means, in the very least someone else is first. So with that said, the question is a) who is top b) who told her about mitch. Now I had no idea Mitch was targetting Julia, I think its a dumb, dumb move, since his name has already been thrown out there versus Noah, so he needs to... play a whole lot smarter. But... someone obviously told Julia, and I know it wasn't me, it wasn't Benj (he likes Mitch). I am just now realising as I type this that Jared had Julia about Mitch on his list, so he couldve told her, but I am thinking it was Ian.

I was talking to Julia before her saying Mitch was targeting her. Its only when Ian came online that she knows this? I think Ian is working with everyone, playing it super super smart. I think he is playing all sides, but less blatantly than Jared.

STAGE 3: What the frick-a-frack do I do about this?

Okay so.... an important preface is that... I could be totally, totally misreading the situation. But I have felt since the start that Ian is a better player than he was letting on. But what do I do about it?  Well for starters, I need to look at numbers I know I have. Benj/Jared/Mitch I think are all in my corner, Michael/Jason I could hopefully swing, and Julia is tight with me, Noah.... Noah is tough because he trusts me but also... we like all voted him out last round so we will see what to do about that pickle. So I don't think Ian can make a move on me if he wanted to, and I can't make a move on him.

so we wait. I'm keeping Ian 3rd on my list, because I really really want to keep an eye on him, and wanna get in close. keep your friends close (benj/julia) and your enemies closer (ian). I love Ian, he is a real king, but I'm onto his winner shenanigans, and is he going to march to the end unopposed? Well...

okay hey freaks. my tribe? decided to all snort from the collective crack pile in the middle and lose their HEADS and its unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE.

first off, my cracked tin foil ian conspiracy? was CORRECT. benj also trusts ian! ian is playing EVERYONE, I'm on to him and I hope this challenge exposes him! I am ONTO YOU IAN! YOUR TRICKS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED.

in other news? budva tribe has lost their ENTIRE minds, and if we go to a double tribal with durmitor? we are going to fracture faster than you can say '18' (coincidentally also the placement i'm getting).

Here is the break down. Noah told Julia that Mitch threw her under the bus, and Noah wants to work with me & Julia. WHICH CRAP, I do not wanna work with Noah because I already voted for him. And in the grand scheme of things, having voted them out is an exceptionally poor foundation for an alliance.

If Mitch seriously threw out Julia's name to Noah, he is exceptionally foolish. WHY. he has already almost been the vote twice, he needs to just NOT AJKLDFASF. i just.... my tribe is driving me absolutely insane. Jared actually is like... back on this planet and being less scary, but Michael is off recharging in his robo-station and GONE, mitch/noah are losing their minds, Julia is leading charges and Ian is playing TOO WELL.

honeslee if its a combined tribal, budva is going to literally explode. explode.

i want to work with noah if he wants to work with me.... but i literally voted for him, how do I get back from that JKLASD. I also want to work with Mitch but he NEEDS to control his mouth, its causing problems. i just want everyone out except benj/jared/julia/jason, the other 4 can go BYEBYE.

So apparently Mitch leaked the vote to Noah and was attempting  to vote out Julia. So I talked to Ali, benj, Ian, and Noah about it and we are all voting Mitch. Depending on what happens at immunity 

(Continued) Mich and Michael were gunning for me??! RED ALERTT RED ALERT WEEEEE WOOOOOO WEEE WOOOOOOOO. Luckly I gathered the forces and we had the majority to vote Mitch. I might have managed to convince Michael to vote Mitch (maybe not? We will see tomorrow) but he doesn't trust me. Womp womp. I mean Michael was not in my immediate line of threats so I don't know why he wouldn't trust me. I guess we don't talk much but it seems like I always have to talk him, it's not reciprocal. 

Okay so it has honestly been a roller coaster.

Following Madeleine's vote I thought that I was going to be in a FABULOUS position, but that was not the case.

Most of the tribe went fucking silent on me. That round brought me to a whole new level of frustration that I can't even DESCRIBE. I was freaking out because I genuinely felt like I was just getting iced out and was going to be eliminated.

As soon as that round from Hell was over, I felt the need to act quickly and harshly to try to improve my position in the game. I took a major gamble by creating 100% false rumor (there wasn't even the slightest bit of truth to it), and took it to Julia. I told her that Mitch had been talking about targeting her to me. Now this was a huge risk because she could've sniffed me out right away, but luckily for me she's kind of nutty and bought it.

With that lie I essentially destroyed whatever alliance Julia and Mitch had. In the process I managed to A) Make Julia feel like she can really trust me to have her back, and B) Increased Mitch's already sizable target to decrease the odds of people coming after me.

I further pushed Mitch's game down the drain by stroking Jared's paranoia that Mitch is plotting against him, but in this case I was actually telling the truth because the truth could be used to my benefit.

So I really have two major goals that I would like to complete within the next 24 hours; 1) Solidify a F3 alliance with Julia & Ali. 2) Send Mitch home.

I suspect that we're going to see a tribe swap after this vote, but just in case we don't swap that soon, I'm already planting VERY subtle, small seeds in people's heads that Matthew should be the next one to go following Mitch.

Overall, the twists being thrown at us early on this season have really forced me to take a much more aggressive, offensive battle strategy. I've essentially found myself in a position where the best way for me to ensure my own survival is to jump on any opportunity to turn my tribemates against eachother.

My hope is that if there IS a tribe swap, it'll benefit me and put me in a more comfortable position where I can lower my profile a bit and stay more under the radar. Obviously it's great to make moves and have some control in the game, but I also know from experience that playing too aggressively for too long is the best way to set myself up to crash and burn.

Literally people are telling me they’re putting me first on their list ahsjdjsjs ok folks assuming y’all aren’t lying immunity could work!!

The scoop that just came in this morning is apparently Mitch is being one hot mess? Julia told us that Mitch threw her name as a target and then Jared told me Mitch leaked to Noah that he was getting wacked had we lose the puzzles challenge. Naturally this made things quite difficult because Noah was obviously the easy vote but here comes Mitch making a mess out of things.

This morning made me realize that Jared is dangerous. He is calling the shots and I won’t be surprised if he actually faked all this information about Mitch being a mess because he did wanted to go after Mitch the previous round before we all decided with Noah. My alliance with Jason and Julia better keep an eye on him. As much as dangerous Jared is, he still trusts me with information so I ain’t getting rid of him yet, contrary to what our friendly neighbourhood robot/Michael is concocting. Jason told us that Michael wants to make a move against Jared now, and uh no I don’t take orders from a robot and he would just replace Jared with himself as the so called king pin of Budva. I’m gonna relay this info of Michael targeting Jared on the wraps until the time to take out Michael presents itself because bringing my name up will get ur ass burnt!! Assuming there ain’t a swap incoming which the likelihood of a swap occurring is VERY.

Julia told me and Jason she’s already in the 60’s on the bridge and me and Jason are here in the 20’s like ok.

I’m also becoming very close with Ali and Benj. right they’re my back up if we do swap and I’m separated from Julia and Jason.

So in summary of this little rant, the targets are Mitch and Noah. Mitch is the more likely to being the one getting whacked and although I do like the guy, him being messy and with the potential of going rogue is a big liability. Although Noah can also go rouge but at least he ain’t messy!!

okay so confession time, since its looking like the vote is kind of finalising.

its looking like mitch, and he is such a king, but he also like... kind of did this to himself? i can kind of understand why he did, like he was the Plan B for both of our previous tribals (even though he was never in jeopardy), but like... particularly since i think its kind of obvious we are swapping after this double tribal, he only needed to ride out one more tribal.

but he just did so so much, like first he threw Julia under the bus to Noah and then with Michael started targeting Jared. Like that just isn't smart, like going to the person who was the other potential vote, to throw people under the bus. Noah I'm sure wants to elevate his own standing, and Mitch literally gave him the ammunition to do so?

also like Jared and Julia are maybe two of the louder personalities on our tribe? Like if he wants an easy target to divert attention off himself, Julia apparently isn't great socially, but also like.. its obvious she was going to be able to rally support for herself, as is Jared?!? Like I get Jared is a threat, he is doing a lot and very clearly at that, but a big move like this while maybe justifiable at merge, is just way too early.

so yeah, at the moment I think Mitch will go 7-2, because I could see at least one of Benj or Michael throwing him a pity vote. I really wanted to work with Mitch, but he would just do... too much, like people were mad at him for his weird feud with Madeline, and like... he just needed to take it easy.

for the swap, i'd like to swap onto a tribe with jules, because LEGEND LOVE THEM. i really hope the swap situation is not 4vs4, i want to build trust with the other tribe going into merge. I really hope Thomas doesn't make merge, he makes me SOOOOO nervous.

also idk if i ever confessed about this, but rip david robb. to reuse an emathia joke (a season he will not remember), david robb-ed.

I’m voting for Willow, and I feel awful because she’s a really sweet girl. But the brigade has to stick to its guns. Willow is the only person excluded from our brigade plan, and especially with a supposed tribe swap coming soon, we need to keep the eight of us as tight as we can be.

Sorry Willow!

so this round has been an absolute cluster fuck and im really emotionally drained because of it. mitch first of all fuck you, you stupid lying ass bitch. you wanted to throw my name under the fucking bus are you fucking kidding me you idiot??? I HAVE BETTER SOCIAL CONNECTIONS RN. I don't even want the damn thought of me leaving rn as an option like are you serious. fuck you!!!! second of all jared is now a target and i'm literally so stressed I cant think straight. but my goal to get mitch out is hopefully gonna work.

As far as the rest of the game goes, I’m kinda scared and kinda excited by the prospect of being so beloved by everyone in the game. I was talking with Alex, and apparently everyone that he’s talked to in this game has mentioned how much they love me when asked about how they feel about the tribe. While it’s a big change from being voted out 9-1 for being “Hostile and unapproachable”, it’s scary. What if that makes me a big threat? I hope not. My fate in this game most likely rests on loyalty, which isn’t a great standpoint to have in a game like survivor.

I’m mitch saying he hasn’t heard anything and Then suddenly saying he’s hearing Jared

Boi what should have been an easy vote for Noah has now become a mess of a vote and your probably gonna be the one hit in the crossfire. Assuming the people who I’ve talked to are being truthful.

Meanwhile Julia, Jason and I have more or less come to a consensus to end Mitch with Julia probably earning Michael’s supposed allegiance since I think Michael is pissed that Mitch had become messy so the robot is now prolly voting mitch and Michael is always talking with Julia?? Idk mess

On a different note, I’m really liking Ali. He’s got a great insight on the status of the game rn and he HAS A DOG!!

Wow at me doing more the 2 confessionals

Shit literally hits the fan when you’re eating breakfast yeah?

Julia crossed the idol bridge only to discover the idol has been found!! Kudos to whoever did that, I only got to 25. Right now everyone is panicking, mitch could have the idol idk Michael could have idol idk

Right now the plan needs to split the vote between Michael and Mitch. I assume none of them won immunity but the idol is still in question. The potential people to be caught in this mess of crossfire will be either mitch, Michael or Jared. It could also be me or it could also be anyone!! Who knows let’s see if I live to tell the tale!!

this vote is a mess, and... i am the cause of it KJLSADFAF.

so julia has learnt that the idol has been found, she told jared, who told... literally everyone JKNLASDFASF. but i have the idol, but people are kind of assuming either Michael or Mitch does which... works for me KLSDAF.

But of course people (especially Jared) want to split the votes. Which YIKES, the Budva tribe is dead six feet under after this for sure EEEK. Like literally... we as a tribe voted Noah OUT, and he is gonna be so comfortable after this vote he DID THAT WHAT A KING.

but yes I think Budva tribe is not going to be able to stick together long term. Like after this vote, Michael and Jared are gonna be out for blood. Noah can sense sharks in the water after last tribal. I'm also now really hoping for a swap, people want Jared out, and if we don't swap, Jared has DIRT on me and benj which could be really problematic aklsdfa.

yeah i think tonight the plan is to split the votes between michael and mitch to save jared? who people literally want OUT this is such, SUCH a mess. we are about to swap and everything is literally going to explode oh god.

in other news, i still have the idol so woo! I APOLOGISE TO MY ENTIRE TRIBE FOR WHEN YOU READ THIS, YOU WILL ALL HATE ME FOR KEEPING THIS A SECRET IM SO SO SO SORRY.

omg imagine if noah made up all that stuff mitch apparently told him and he caused all this chaos (well except for the idol, that was defo me KALSDFSA). his MIND, noah is flexing that big brain on us lesser mortals.

my game is over. jared is going and i want to vote him, but also he will just expose our alliance and idk what we do about that EEEEEEEK.

I swear this is my fucking last confessional for this round. So jared’s messy ass finally caught up to him and now me and my golden girls are flipping the script! If everything goes accordingly jared’s going?? And Noah is the only left out of the loop probs

okay i'm going to confess as much as i can, as quick as i can. the vote is now jared and benj & i have a really cracked scheme to make sure he doesn't expose us. noah is being left out of the vote. benj is voting mitch too, so it looks like jared has two votes alongside him and thus he doesn't expose me and benj?

ITS CRACKED AND A MESS. also jared going and the mess is good, it made me look like a REAL follower which is good news i think.. i was worried about looking threatening.

honeslee cut to jared winning immunity and this mess being... even messier KASLFSADF like honestly i'm just. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

also michael truly terrifies me. i'm freaking out about the vote, and he pops in being like 'hear jason out'. LIKE SIRI I KNOW YOU WANT YOUR CHUM MITCH TO STAY, but its VERY unhelpful to just pop in and make it REALLY clear i'm on the outs K;JLSDFA.

i just am so tired. Julia/Benj/Ian are the only ones I trust, Jason too kinda but he defo runs the show. Michael is just confusing and Mitch/Noah are both not gonna trust me after this vote. I'm so getting screwed over in this swap KLASDFSAF I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

[michaelmilkers]

what is it, exactly, that your 'friends' were angry with u about? i dont want to be invasive and u can ignore this ask, i just think that altho im leaning in ur favor i dont want to decide whether or not to continue supporting you without all of the data. i.e., you could be saying something wildly racist, or you could have insulted someones dog. obviously completely different things that merit completely different responses. i can message you if u dont want to share with the general public :)

putting it under a cut

this

i said in the blacklist chat about a month ago “is circumcision common in latinos” for a thing i was writing which was not only something i couldve googled (which i ended up doing) but also incredibly poor phrasing and i apologized

i was sometimes too open about sexual topics in the nsfw chat (which was 16+) because i was under the impression everyone was okay with it because no one ever really told me it was tmi (sometimes i put stuff in general that i didnt consider nsfw but other people considered nsfw but most of those times i deleted whatever it was i said/sent) (also for the record i had a general rule against sending irl porn in the nsfw chat and so i never did that aside from like the first few months of the servers existence where i was still trying to figure out how to go about having a server at all)

there was a “jewish” role in the server that some jewish people in the server asked for but apparently some people were uncomfortable with the fact that there was a jewish role but not roles for other ethnicities or minorities. people communicated this to me and i was going to make other roles but hadnt gotten around to it yet when everything went down bc spoons

i wasnt open enough about the reasons why i banned people (which only happened a couple times) so people assumed i was only banning them because they disagreed with me, which wasnt true

i have a habit of publicly (i.e. on the blog) responding to criticism with passive aggression or jokes, something im aware of and actively working on, and its something i dont do in private conversation because i dont think its productive, in fact one of my rules in the server was not to respond to disagreements or arguments or discourse with reaction gifs or emotes or memes or stuff like that. 

and this is the biggest incident, tw for genital mutilation and nsfw discussion, and its a long one so bear with me:

basically in december i mentioned in the nsfw chat that i happened to come across a video of a woman essentially sewing her vagina shut. i did not send the video and did not describe it in graphic detail. i shouldnt have brought it up at all, but this was another case of me thinking something wasnt that bad but it upset a few other people. because of the nature of the video the most i will say about it is that it was not a permanent thing, it was done with sterile medical-grade stuff, and it was a masochism thing rather than like actually permanently mutilating the vagina. i was browsing around the internet going down various rabbit holes out of boredom and i came across this video, i did not search for this kind of thing, i just watched it out of curiosity.

anyways, some people were upset by it, i apologized for mentioning it and that was kind of that. but then the next day i received an anonymous ask calling me a freak whos into genital mutilation so i copied the ask in the blacklist chat (tagging it any time i mentioned the video in any level of detail) and basically what then happened that night was that i received multiple anons over the course of a couple hours calling me a freak and greatly exaggerating what happened. i would post the ask in the blacklist chat, me and a couple other people would talk about what was said, and then i would get another anon or two about it.

from the start i did not take the anons seriously because like, youre fucking liveblogging a conversation YOURE IN in my inbox, and i stated multiple times that if they wanted to have a serious conversation about it they could dm me or bring it up in the server because i was not going to entertain this back and forth bullshit.

i called the anon a clown and they sent clown emojis in response, which is when it kind of started getting out of control. me and a lot of other people in the server were making fun of the anon and joking about it calling them “clown anon” and stuff. and then the anon sent an ask containing the sentence “do u really want to be on the team of the guy who watches pussy sewing for fun!” (directed at everyone else in the server joking with me) and i thought the phrase “pussy sewing” was fucking HILARIOUS so everyone started making pussy sewing jokes and calling the anon clussy anon and saying shit like “pussy sewing sunday” (bc this was happening on a sunday night) and “pussy sewing club” and shit like that.

i said multiple times during this that i was not making fun of the video or the subject matter i was making fun of the anon(s) and their dramatic bullshit, but some people didnt believe me ig. at the time i was maintaining the opinion that as long as its all sterile and there is no permanent damage then stuff like that is fine and its none of my business what people do to their own bodies, which i still kind of agree with? im not super sure.

but anyway a few people thought i was a shitty person because of this, one of these people left and the other two said they were going to leave so i banned them, one person was very upset by the subject matter and wanted to take a break from the server, i told them sorry about the situation and to be safe. when one of my mods came online and saw what happened she was very upset about the fact that people had left and i didnt really listen to what she was saying (something ive apologized for since then) but said that for the sake of the person taking a break this was to never be brought up again. i agreed and asked my other mod to delete the conversation because i was low on spoons at the time, they said sure and deleted it for me (and during on the incident on friday this person told everyone that i “made them” delete the messages and that they were too afraid to say no to me and it was disgusting) and that was the last time the situation was brought up until this weekend.

i had actually learned from the situation, both about the things i bring up and also the content i look at even out of boredom or curiosity, and the ethics of that, and i have since then not looked at anything like that online. the people in my server were not aware of this because i was told to never bring it up again, so i didnt, and no one brought it up to me privately so i assumed people werent upset about it anymore. so they assumed i didnt care or i was still looking at shit like that and just wasnt talking about it. i had absolutely no idea people were still harboring bad feelings about this incident and if i did i wouldve apologized again and told them about how i had learned from the situation. i explained all of this on saturday and nobody seemed to care.

multiple times during the situation this weekend i said that their criticisms are valid and tried to explain myself and apologize and own up to what i did, but apparently because im mad about them bullying me and getting people to raid the server im not actually sorry?? according to them.

which is more of them just trying to gaslight me and manipulate me into thinking this is all my fault and i deserved it instead of that event being fucking bullshit.

one person said “your criticisms are valid but the way you brought them up isnt” or something like that in quotation marks in an attempt to mock me but like,,, yeah thats exactly what im saying lmao.

so yeah thats basically it? those are the main things. sorry this got so long.

[jvdehayward-blog]

ok so Hlo it is i the mystical n enigmatic nai, resident manic pixie dirt admin. i missed this judas fiend 2 mch n decided to bring him in bc i honestly jst have...no self control n thats! the tea! u know the drill below the cut is all u need to kno blabla hmu for plots

p.s. idk if this??? will even show bc i literally just made this blog like 10mins ago but smiles at u all anyway n flings it into the abyss

born in sheffield in england, bt they went back and forth between there n NY a lot. they had a place in brooklyn altho jude’s mum was a trust fund brat from manhattan so they visited there a lot too

jude was an unhappy accident. his parents never rly used protection bc they were super Liberal n Au Naturel n believed in the pull out method bc… they were maniacs. bt then the ONE time they used a condom in an effort to b safety conscious it broke n hence…. jude was born

they just kind of ran w it bc they had such a passionate relationship tht they were like What The Hell…. may as well! itll be fine we’ll learn to be good parents n love him like normal ppl do

spoiler alert: tht didn’t work out

they were ok to him like they weren’t abusive or anything like that bt they just found him to be a massive burden n hindrance to their plans

they literally….. had sex all day every day n acted like a pair of teenagers. it ws a super weird environment for a kid to grow up in bc he literally had no role models or… guidance or…. anything rly. occasionally they’d joke around w him or pretend they even knew what grade he was going into but for the most part they just Didn’t Care one bit

they were both suuuuper into the arts. they’re both rly good sculptors bt they paint too n they actually own a rly successful gallery in brooklyn. they just opened a second too so they’re doin rly well where money’s concerned n his mum still has her trust fund too to fall back on

as a result he grew up around a lot of creative n pretentious ppl. the friends of his parents were more present in his life than his ACTUAL parents bc they were always jetting off to diff countries to scout out new pieces fr their galleries n just have a gd time in beautiful places without…. the annoyance tht ws their son forcing them to b responsible n look after someone else. tbh some of them were rly damaging too bt….i won’t go into that just yet. it doesn’t rly…need properly explaining bc jude never talks abt it anyway n it….is rather triggering so i’ll jst….leav it for now tbh fgkhdfgh. basically they just were Not Nice n jude had a lot of bad memories he keeps repressed

bc of how he ws raised he has a p cultured taste. he luvs classic lit, especially kerouac, n p much anything artsy. he can play piano 2 n sometimes gets rly high n thinks he’s mozart level gd at composing. i mean he’s gd bt… Calm Down Jude

ANYWAY he apped to van patten to do fine arts bc he hoped itd make his parents proud n he got in bc he’s rly talented bt they still??? frankly just didn’t care. he’s got some money from his grandparents now altho thts the extent of their presence in his life so he’s kind of well off w money altho he doesnt rly show off abt it or act like it. like he jst wears... flannel shirts n dr martens n doesnt exactly look the part. despite this tho he’s p popular bc he’s ur typical Pretty Boy n ppl like him for it as well as the fact he’s fun at parties bt he stil kind of tries to maintain his Lone Wolf aura

personality wise he acts out sometimes bc he’s so frustrated. he tried rly hard to be someone his parents wld care abt by doing wild or stupid things so he’d hav funny stories to tell them n tbh sometimes it works n he gets them to laugh w him but it isn’t a parent/son bond n it never rly wil b. he’s rly sarcastic/condescending, sleeps around a lot, has an overflowing secret sketchbook n if he cares abt someone he’ll probably draw them n get rly defensive if they find out abt it fkjgdhfkj bcos he’s an Independent Boy without a sentimental bone in his body. or so he says. he’s also p much summed up by tht one scene of michael cera in super bad when he’s rly drunk n he’s like ‘HERE’S TO... RESPECTING WOMEN!’ n tries his best to b a gentleman altho sometimes if he’s pissed off i mean... he fails n is hideously rude

he has p bad insomnia so he like never sleeps fgjkhfgjkf he always has rly sleepy eyes n rubs them tiredly mid conversation. he smokes a lot of weed to try n compensate fr this n make him tired bt he still struggles a lot. he also has p bad depression so he kind of medicates that w weed too

ummMMMMmm honestly idk i’m blankin on what else to say. ull find him smoking weed reading an american classic or gnawing at his thumbnail n getting charcoal smudges along that Dramatic model jawline. he’s p broody n scruffy n he’s mostly here fr a good time. o and he’s That Guy that would die fr morrissey and all that stone roses the smiths etc stuff music wise. HMU FR PLOTS!!!!!! i’m down fr anything