#(also im gonna go through the inbox at some point and get to things from last night thank you all who sent those emojis in <33)< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[the-kipsabian]

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[luvfy0dor]

“And My Daddy Tells Me I Light Up His World ♡” Dad!Bsd Drabbles ੈ✩‧₊˚

╰┈➤ Chuuya Nakahara, Osamu Dazai, Fyodor Dostoevsky

Warnings; Line breaks between indented paragraphs mean new scenarios, girl dads, d/n- daughters name, s/n-sons name, p/t-parental title for reader

Description; a couple different scenarios, 2 for Fyodor, 1 for Dazai, 1 for Chuuya

A/n; just so u guys do know I giggle every single time I type out d/n, also also I've got a req still about dad Fyodor in my inbox but I don't know why it's so hard for me to write it 3: I'll get it out ong, im so sorry dad fyodor anon </3 consider this tribute to you 3: also next post's gonna be for the event! Had to rewrite it.

Fyodor Dostoevsky ★

Fyodor stood in the kitchen, accompanied by his young daughter sitting at the dining table. In his hand was a letter to Nikolai, written a week ago that he had finally decided to mail. He grabs an envelope before rummaging through drawers while his daughter colors idly across the room. She peers up at him from her spot and hops out of her chair, coloring paper in hand. "what're you looking for, papa?" She asks, looking up at him with her e/c eyes, the ones that matched yours perfectly. He smiled at her and closed the drawer he was looking through. "Just a pen, malyshka. Do you know where I could find one?" He asks her, looking down at her. She nods and fetches one of the pens from her big bag of coloring supplies, digging through it for a quick second before returning to him with her arm outstretched and a glittery pink gel pen in her small hands. "This is okay, right, papa? Who's the letter going to?" He takes it appreciatively and writes out Nikolais name and address. "Uncle Kolya, and any pen you give me will do, sweetheart." He gives the pen back to her and ruffles her hair. "Oh, uncle Kolya will just love it, then! I'm pretty sure his favorite color is pink. I'm gonna color this for him so that the next time he comes over he'll have a present from me!" She says with excitement, skipping back over to her seat at the table to resume her coloring. "Oh, ofcourse, d/n." After Fyodor mailed the letter, he soon got a response from Nikolai expressing his disappointment over the letter not being fully written in pink gel pen, which was backed up by his daughter as well.

You stood in yours and your husbands bedroom, buttoning his shirt for him while he watched the numbers flicker and change on the alarm clock on your nightstand. Your daughters school was hosting a daddy-daughter dance and your daughter insisted on Fyodor taking her. He agreed obviously, but he felt unfamiliar with such things, after all, he'd never experienced a daddy-daughter dance in his childhood. You gave him a smile once you buttoned his shirt and grabbed the only tie he owned off the dresser. "You look so good, Fedya. Like a prince." You said with a smile, leaning in to kiss the corner of his lips. He hummed and guided your chin with his fingers to kiss his lips completely. "Just a prince? Not a king?" His eyes were half lidded as always and you could make out a small smile on his face. "Alright, fine, a king." You finished tying his tie for him and left it slightly loose around his neck, knowing he was never really fond of how tight they could be. "Perfect, that would make d/n our little princess." Almost as if summoned, her footsteps are heard pattering down the hallway in her cute little flats that you got for her. The dress that she wore was adorned with puffy, mesh layers on the skirt and some gemstones on the top. "Papa, are you ready to go yet? " she asks, walking over to his side and examining his outfit thoroughly and gasping excitedly. "Papa, your tie matches my dress!" She says, pointing out the same colored material. "It does." He picks her up with a smile. "Do I look pretty?" She asks, a big, toothy grin on her face. He laughs and nods.

"Absolutely, now go say goodbye to p/t." He says, putting her down onto the ground so she could hug you and bid you a goodbye. "Bye, p/t!!" She says, squeezing you quite tightly. You hug her back and kiss her head, looking down at her. "Bye, sweetheart, I love you. Oh- wait! Before you go I want a picture of you and papa." You fish your phone from your back pocket and open the camera app as she backs up and hugs her papa just as tightly as she held you. Fyodor places his hand on her back while they both smile for the photo, but wince all of a sudden as your phones flash goes off. "Oh- whoops, I forgot to turn the flash off- for real this time." They both pose again, d/n giggling at your small mistake. You snapped it and then examined it on the phone before your daughter started pleading to see it. Fyodors smile was as charming as always, both in person and in the photo, and your daughter looked absolutely adorable in her poofy dress. Once you had shown her and she was satisfied, she quickly made her way out of the room, holding the skirt of her dress by the handfuls. Fyodor laughed at her under his breath before he leaned in to kiss you once more before he left, letting his hand linger on your hip like his taste did on your lips. "Bye, Fedya, I love you, have fun." You grin, to which he lets out a sigh. "I will, I love you too, Moya Lyubov." He pulls away and follows the young girl out of the bedroom. You smiled to yourself as you heard him call from down the hallway, "Wait, malyshka, don't go out the door so fast", followed by the prompt creeking and closing of the door.

Osamu Dazai ★

No one got the memo that it was apparently 'bring your kid to work's day', but everyone had to adjust rather quickly when Dazai pulled up to the Ada with a young child on his hip, oogling at any shiny object in its sight. Kunikida was the first to ask about it. "Is this another orphan that you've decided to pick up off the streets? It's too young for a job here." Dazai rolled his eyes. "For your information, this is my son. His babysitter has come down with the flu." He clarifies, walking past everyone to his desk and sitting the one year old on his lap. The baby leans towards him and reaches for the tassels of his bolo tie, grabbing and pulling on them to his mouth. Dazai laughs and gently pulls them out of the little boys grasp. "No, s/n, you can't chew on those." His son pouts and coos out some baby nonsense, starting to look around for some other entertainment, only to find nothing that interests him. He looks up at his dad with his big brown eyes and pouts, huffing and gripping his long jacket in his chubby fists. "Papa, 'ome." He babbles, missing the comfort of yours and Dazais house and preferring to be there over the agency. "I know, s/n, believe me. I'd rather be at home than sitting here with these people." He says, sighing and shaking his head. "Just keep him from crying." Kunikida says exasperatedly while writing a report from the last case he worked on for Fukuzawa. Dazai hums in acknowledgement and turns the baby to face away from him, keeping him sat on his lap. "My boy doesn't cry, he's nothin' like those other babies." He says with a grin, grabbing a pen and wrapping his son's hand around it and helping him drag it acrossed the closest paper on Dazais desk. "Yeah, just get a feel for holding the pen and as soon as you can write on your own, daddy's never doin' his own reports again." He grins. "Your son isn't doing any paperwork for the agency until he joins. And that still doesn't mean he'll be doing yours." Kunikida says from his desk. Dazai shakes his head and lets go of his sons arm. "Ugh, whatever... Kunikida doesn't gotta know if I bring it home though." He whispers to the boy, evoking an unaware giggle. Kunikida let out a knowing huff and gave up on trying.

Chuuya Nakahara ★

After his little girl had asked him on numerous occasions for a trip to the fair, he was finally able to get some time off and go with you and her. He weaved through the crowds with her on his shoulders and his hand in yours while trying to decide on one final game for your daughter to play before you left.. "Papa, look! They have fish!" D/n exclaimed, pointing at the booth that ran the famous goldfish game that parents never want their kids to see. Not Chuuya though. He's nothin' like y'all. Chuuya didn't mind the idea of having a fish for his daughter, even if it was him who had to feed it every day and clean it's tank regularly. He smiled and looked over at you with eyes that asked you if you were in mutual agreement of letting her try to win a goldfish. You smiled back at him and nodded, noticing your daughter watching the two of you exchange your glances. "Alright sweetheart, let's go get ya one of them fish." He walks over to the stand with you, lifting her off of his shoulders while you handed the carnie a $5 bill for a basket of ten ping pong balls. Chuuya watched d/n try to toss the first five into one of the colorful mini-fishbowls and miss every single one, so he grabbed a ball and tossed it, getting it into one of them. The man running the game cheers and heads to get d/n her fish, but she ends up getting two of the last four balls in on her own, nearly shrieking in excitement. "Daddy, that means I get three fishes, right?" She excitedly asks, her hair bouncing in the pigtail style it was pulled into. "Yup, that's right." He smiles at the carnie when he hands the fish to him and mutters an appreciative thank you, patting his daughters back and telling her to do the same. "Thank you! P/t, can we get them a tank at home?" She asks, still super hyper from her triple win. You laugh and nod, holding two of the fish so Chuuya doesn't have to hold all three and your daughter if she chooses she's too tired to walk to the car. "Yeah, we'll stop at the pet store to get you a nice tank for them." You tell her, nodding for her to follow you and Chuuya grabbing her hand so she doesn't get lost. "What do you say to daddy? He got you one of those." You say with a small laugh and she looks up at her dad with big, adoring eyes. "Thank you, daddy! Ahh, I'm so excited for my fishes!" Her misunderstanding of the plural version of fish also makes you giggle a little. "You're welcome, princess. Y'gonna take real good care of them? Remind me to feed 'em every day?" He says, guiding you guys through the parked cars towards your own. "Yup! Every single morning! But what're we gonna do when I'm at school and you and p/t are working? What about their lunch?" She frowns. "Fish don't need lunch, don't worry." He reassures her and hands you the third bagged fish for a moment while buckling d/n into her seat. "Good, I don't want them to starve!" She says. Chuuya laughs under his breath and closes the backseat door, pulling out a cigarette to smoke before taking the sorta-long drive to the pet store and home. Now he had three more responsibilities, but it made his baby happy, so he really didn't mind having to take care of three more animals in addition to his original one.

A/n; yawns speed ran these, wrote Chuuyas in like,, 12 minutes, it's not proofread (js Chuuyas) but hopefully it works (⁠｡⁠•̀⁠ᴗ⁠-⁠)⁠✧ also I'd like to come out and say ion proofread my own stuff, I have my friends do it (I love you guys MWAH)

[mattscoquette]

my experience meeting the triplets/ going to their tour ౨ৎ ⋆.˚ ✧

first i just wanna say, i am so so so insanely grateful to have attended both tours and to have met them twice. i’m not trying to brag or anything but a lot of people ask me and i figured it be easier for me to make one post rather than answer inbox questions a million times that get lost.

2/5/23 - let’s trip tour

i met the triplets for the first time during the let’s trip tour. i vividly remember being at work when the tickets went on sale and i was gonna go w my coworker but things fell thru and i went alone, and that alr was nerve wrecking enough. but i met a lot of cool people on line and everyone was super friendly. i got the pre-show small talk package, so i got to meet them before i saw them on stage. i also wrote them letters (idk if they ever opened them) but it was honestly fate when i stopped to drop them off in the present bin because there was a group of three girls in front of me so i wasn’t super rushed when i was meeting each triplet.

i met chris first! i was soooooo nervous but the second i started talking it all went away. the first thing i noticed was how small they are irl and immediately after was how fucking good chris smelled 😭 he was soo sweet. i told him how i loved watching their videos w my mom and that she was his favorite. i can’t rlly remember what else i talked about him with, and i tried to screen record my camera but i didn’t turn the mic on so i lost all the audio 😭😭

next was matttttt the loml. i was immediately soo comfortable around him, i was literally just talking like a normal conversation without even thinking. i asked him how the tour was going and he told me he was sad it was ending soon. and then i told him how one of my best friends is a triplet and we talked about that, he told me his dad is a twin and that everyone thinks he nick and chris are identical but they aren’t. he was so sweet and really listen to what you have to say, i had such a nice time talking with him.

when i met nick my auto pilot like shut off and i froze 😭😭 i literally out loud was like “i am so nervous” and he was so sweet about it, he hugged me a second time and was like “no don’t be it’s okay!” lmfaoo. i didn’t get to talk to him as long but i remember him telling me it was super nice to meet me after.

on line for the red carpet, i met madi! she was just walking around the venue, and she was over by me and i asked for a photo. she was soo sweet (and so pretty irl omfg). i didn’t wait in line for the red carpet for very long, i got merch, and then i did my photo w them :,) tbh i honestly don’t lovee it because i rlly don’t look the best in it lolol. bur ill pull thru and show u all. but this was back when u got to pick ur own poses and we all did hearts with one another (idk if that makes sense) and i stood next to my mannn😛😛

i look so diff now like i actually hate how i look when i met them but that’s beside the point 😭😭 but they all looked sooooo good. also for reference im about 5’3-5’4ish.

show-wise, it was sm more fun than the versus tour tbh. i got to see yung pleit perform and he opened w miss me and everyone was going insaneeeee. i was literally like one person behind the baracade, i was so close it was so so so cool. the triplets went on for maybe twenty minutes but they read the question i asked them which was so cool. and mary lou, jimmy, justin, and nate were all at my show!! they were on the balcony above the stage and were waving to us it was so cute. i had such a fun time at this show i wish i could go back

10/9/23 - the versus tour

this show was soooooo so so so special to me. i was going through a really really hard time. and this show made me so happy and gave me such a nice break from everything. this show wasn’t as close as the first show so i went to with my mom (she was team orange lol). i also got to meet some old online friends i made which was so nice :,) like the last tour, i got pre-show small talk. my only complaint though is that when i bought tickets backstage wasn’t available, some friends and i called the venue and they told us there was no backstage , but there actually was :( but im still sooooo grateful i got to meet them!

the order was the same as last time- chris, matt, then nick. i was so nervous about meeting them again, i literally almost forgot to take a pic w chris LMFAO. he was so sweet, he asked me how i was doing, if i was excited, all that good stuff. this time was a lot more rushed than the first, but i still got a decent amount of time with each triplet. i also got them each to draw me my fav angel numbers to get tattooed, i still haven’t gotten it yet but when i do i’ll post it :)

i was sooo nervous to meet matt again lmfao but as soon as i went up to him i felt fine. i complemented his outfit (he had on his white eeyore jacket 😭😭 so cute) and we took our picture and when i was leaving he told me it was rlly nice to meet me :,)) he is sooooooo pretty irl like his eyes r so blue and his earrings r so sparkly i was literally like in a trance. omfg.

nick was soo sweet he gave me such a big hug and was so smiley and asked how i was doing, same as chris. he also rested his head on mine when we took our pic togetherrr. he was so so kind.

my show was a monday so they had uploaded a podcast while i was on line for the red carpet, so i listened to that a bit while waiting. this tour we had pre-picked poses, but i did the hearts again. i stood in between matt and chris, and i said i wanted hearts and matt immediately did half the heart and put his arm around me so we did the heart tgth 😭😭

lowk not a fan of this pic either but :( so sweet. i love them so much. i also wore platform shoes this time lol so that gave me some height.

the show was so good! so much more entertaining than what the triplets did the first time. it was very engaging, and so fun to watch. lowk bitter i didn’t get picked to be matt’s teammate but we move. anyway. each challenge was so fun, me and my friend knew almost all the trivia questions they did 😭😭 and jenga was sooo stressful to watch lmfao it was so close the whole time, i think we had one of the longest jenga shows of the tour lmfao. chris ended up winning bc matt dropped the jenga tower and they were both tied. it was such a fun experience im so grateful to have gone !

© mattscoquette

[watchmegetobsessed]

DECODE

A/N: okay wow, it's actually here, but let me say a ew things first: i am no it proessional so there are some made up stuff so don't come after me if there are untrue things in the story lmao. also, the ending... im not entirely in peace with it, but i've been sitting on this story for way too long so i just bit my tongue and finised it. don't come after me if you don't like it... but anyway! hope it didn't turn out as bad and you'll enjoy the story!

WORD COUNT: 13.7k

SUMMARY: You're up for the promotion you've always dreamt about, but right when you need to prove everything goes downhill. Lucky for you the cute, quiet IT guy, Harry, is there to help you out.

MASTERLIST | SUPPORT ME!

There’s that feeling when you wake all by yourself, a moment of peace takes over you for not starting the day off with your one true enemy, the alarm, but then panic instantly stabs you in the chest when you realize it’s a weekday and there’s absolutely no way you just woke up before your alarm, feeling this rested. 

Your eyes pop open and you sit up in a frenzy looking around in the room, figuring out what happened and what should be done now. First you check the time on your phone and when you see that it reads 8:32 you almost start crying, but there’s no time for that, so you jump out of bed and sprint into the bathroom, stopping on the way when you spot Eric in the hallway, fully dressed, ready to leave.

“Eric?! Why didn’t you wake me up?!” you snap at him. He turns to you with innocence all over his face.

“I thought you were off today,” he simply says.

“Off?! We have the board meeting today, how could I be off!” you practically scream as you rush into the bathroom to get ready in less than two minutes hopefully.

“I’m sorry!” he calls out from outside. “I’ll see you in the office!”

And the next thing you hear is the front door opening and closing.

“Motherfu��” you mumble as you start washing your face like a crazy woman.

You leave in ten minutes, but you’re fifteen minutes late already, no matter how magically fast you got ready. You don’t have time to get a bagel for breakfast and you’re already halfway into the office when you realize you left your lunch at home too. You somehow shorten the route and win a few minutes on your way in, but you still arrive ten minutes late, looking like a hot mess, completely out of control as you make your way to the twentieth floor to your desk, pretending you haven’t just had the absolute worst morning of your life. 

The elevator almost closes right in front of you, but before you could smash against the sliding doors a hand sticks out and stops it, letting you slip in last minute.

“Ah, thank you,” you breathe out, your purse sliding off your shoulder and your folder almost falls from your hands.

“N-No problem,” a sweet and smooth voice answers, but your hair is such a mess, it covers your vision and you don’t see the kind man that saved you a few minutes with his move. The moment the elevator arrives to your floor you jump out and rush towards your desk.

“You alright, boss?” Zaya, your intern asks, who is more like a personal assistant at this point. She eyes you curiously from her desk as you gasp for air and try to soothe out the wrinkles on your blouse, though there’s absolutely no use in it. 

“Everything is perfectly fine,” you force a smile on your face as you start your computer, emails flowing in like crazy the moment you open your inbox. “Just had a rough morning.”

With Zaya’s help you go through everything at light speed, it’s one of your biggest strengths, being fast and productive, so in just about twenty minutes you reduce the thirty-seven unread emails to just two. 

You’ve cleared your schedule beforehand so you can have a practice run for your big presentation. Today’s board meeting is gonna be an important one. There’s a promotion at risk, one you’ve been working your ass off to get and now it’s so close, you can almost feel it between your fingertips. This presentation and what stands behind it all is what you’ve worked for night and day for the past month and you have never been more confident in yourself, though you can’t shake the general nervousness off.

You make your test run to Zaya who says her mind is blown and there’s no chance you won’t get the promotion. 

“You got it, boss,” she fist bumps you, something you’ve grown to like, it’s her form of appreciation. 

“I hope so,” you sigh. “Alright, I’ll grab a coffee quickly before the meeting.”

You head a few levels down to the main kitchen area that has the best coffee machine in the building. It’s already past the morning rush, so you’re delighted to see that there are just a few people lingering around. Including Eric.

“Hey!” you huff out a smile as you stand next to him at the coffee machine. He peeks at you, just a tiny smile on his lips, but it doesn’t reach his eyes like usual.

“Hey.”

“If you’re curious, I was only just a bit late this morning,” you chuckle to yourself, grabbing a cup while Eric waits for his own coffee to get ready. 

“Mm, great. Sorry about… the morning.”

“It’s okay, are you nervous? About the presentation?”

Funny enough you’re running for the promotion against Eric, the guy you’ve been hooking up for the past few months. It’s nothing serious, no strings attached, mostly just sex, though you believe that if you spend at least three nights together every week and spend time outside of bed as well, that has to mean more than just a regular hook up.

Right?

“Not really,” he shrugs, but it doesn’t sound genuine.

“It’s okay, you’ll do good,” you smile at him warmly as you place your hand on his arm and give it a squeeze, but you’re surprised when he moves out of your touch, shooting you a look.

“Not… in the office, Y/N,” he grits through his teeth, looking around to check if anyone saw the tiny gesture while you’re just blinking at him dumbly.

Yes, you usually keep your… whatever it is out of the office, but he hasn’t been this distant to you before. Before you could ask his phone starts ringing and he mumbles an apology before running off.

You write it off as nerves, you know Eric to be highly competitive, it must be a new field for him as well, running against someone he is involved with. 

Your heart is racing when you enter the boardroom, welcoming the people that will decide your future at the company, the CEO, the CFO, the head of marketing and a few others you’re not that familiar with, but you know they have power.

For the promotion you had to come up with a plan to boost the numbers on the website that hasn’t been doing much lately. You worked up a plan for a marketing strategy that would reach the target audience in a better way, it’s pretty awesome, you’re quite proud of it and you’re convinced you’ll kick ass with your presentation.

There are a few more minutes left until the meeting, you pour yourself some water and go ahead to open your slides on your computer so you have it all ready when it’s your turn.

“What… Oh no,” you whisper, when your computer starts lagging and the cursor freezes. “No, no, no!”

“Everything alright, Miss?” the CFO notices your panic.

“Yes!” you force a smile on your face. “Everything is… perfect.”

He nods and turns back to his previous conversation while your panic intensifies. You keep pushing buttons and trying to move the cursor, but it looks pretty dead, so you decide to shut it down and try to restart it, hopefully it will come back from the dead. 

Eric strides into the room, but as he takes his seat he doesn’t even look at you, just sets out his own laptop and paper notes and stares ahead of him. No matter how you try to catch his attention, he ignores you fully and it’s just another punch in your stomach.

What the hell is happening?

“Alright, everyone ready?” Daniel, the CEO claps his hands together. “Eric, you’re up first,” he gestures at him and while you’re still desperately trying to revive your computer. 

Eric sets up and when his presentation appears behind him your stomach drops instantly. 

The title, the topic, the colors… everything. You know all of it, because… because you made it. It’s yours.

You forget about your computer as Eric starts talking and he presents your idea, everything you came up with and worked hard on, he hasn’t changed a bit about it and now he is making it look like it’s his own. If you were panicking before now you’re about to set on fire.

That would be probably nice, because you wouldn’t have to go up there and most likely embarrass yourself. 

How did he get your presentation? Why did he steal it? You can’t blame him just out of the blue, you need proof and right now the only device that could have it is dead in front of you. 

You are so screwed. 

“ Holy fucking shit, oh my God!” you keep mumbling under your breath as you approach your desk, holding your dead computer to your chest, eyes wide from what you just went through.

“Boss? You alright?” Zaya’s eyes widen when she sees you all shocked and traumatized.

“No! I’m anything but alright!”

Luckily, the small meeting room near your desk is vacant so you’re quick to take it, Zaya following you right after, shutting the door closed so you can unleash fully.

“Oh my God I can’t fucking believe him! The asshole! How did he fucking do it?!” you snap, throwing everything to the table so you can anxiously start pacing the floor with your hands on your hips. “I cannot believe this, what the hell!”

“Y/N, what happened? You’re starting to scare me,” Zaya eyes you and she actually looks scared which is a new thing, the girl is fearless.

“Eric! He stole my… my whole fucking presentation!” you whisper-yell, throwing your hands up into the air. “Every slide! Every detail! It was all mine! And he sold it as his own!”

“W-what? But… how? And what did you present then?”

“I have no idea! He was up first, as we all knew ahead of time, he went up there, opened his presentation and it was mine! I thought I was about to fall off my seat, fucking hell,” you groan, rubbing your face with your hands. Thanks to your rushed morning you’re not wearing any makeup today so at least you can’t turn yourself into a panda bear. “My laptop died right before the meeting started so I could use it as an excuse and… fuck, I made up a whole other plan on the spot!” You’re about to start hyperventilating, maybe even crying which you’ve never ever done at work before.

“But… that’s good, right? That you came up with something new?” Zaya tries to see the bright side of it, but you shake your head violently.

“You know what I came up with? I said I’m planning to rebuild the whole fucking website! All of it!”

“Oh no.”

“Oh yes! I basically set myself up for failure!”

Everyone knows a full makeover could easily be a death sentence, especially with such a short notice. You have no structure to it, no plan and most importantly no IT support to do the actual work. Because you can dream up any idea, but you cannot actually write the code for it. 

Zaya tries to cheer you up but you both know you’re not only knee high, but probably neck high in deep shit. She promises to take up extra hours to help you figure out what to do and though it’s nice, the situation still feels pretty much lost.

You’re on the verge of tears when you make your way to the IT department to have your computer checked out, which is still pretty much dead. You’re already dreading the interaction, Steven, the head of the IT department is a real pain in the ass, he never wants to actually help with anything so it’s always a fight to get things done with him. 

When you walk into their office he is the first one you see and you almost groan out loud, but manage to keep quiet as you approach him.

“Hi Steven, do you happen to have a moment?” you ask, as politely and nicely as you can in the light of what just happened, but apparently it’s not enough for him, because the look he gives you makes you want to turn around and run away.

“What’s the matter?” he grimaces, fixing his glasses as he leans back in his seat.

“My laptop just died,” you hold up the device. 

He stares at you, then at your laptop and then his eyes flicker back to you and he stays silent for what feels like forever before he speaks up.

“I have no time for this now,” he says, returning to his own computer and your shoulders fall forward in defeat, but then he speaks up again. “Go to the back and ask for Styles.”

“Thank you,” you breathe out and are already on your way away from his desk.

Maneuvering between the desks you’re trying to find out who’s Styles or who to even ask to tell you where to find him and you’re just about to stop at one of the desks when you see a big screen, a sticker on the back of it that says H. Styles, so you make your way over there.

As you’re approaching the desk a head full of chocolate curls appear and soon you spot the guy sitting behind the screen, peering up at you with curious, green eyes from behind his glasses.

“Are you… Styles?” you ask, feeling weird that you only know his family name. He stares at you for a second with wide eyes and you start to think you’ve got the wrong guy, but then he nods, the curls bouncing along with the movement.

“Y-yeah. I’m Harry Styles.”

“Great! Steven said you might be able to have a look at my computer, it’s completely dead.”

“Sure,” he clears his throat as he pushes back from the desk while you round it to give the laptop to him. “W-what happened?” he asks as he opens it up and tries to turn it on, but the screen remains black.

“Um, basically it froze right before the most important presentation of my life and then it died and hasn't turned on since then,” you summarize with a sad smile as you watch him grab some kind of cable to connect your laptop with his computer.

Harry hums as he opens some kind of program that has a long, complicated looking code running in front of him and he clicks and searches in it so easily as if he was reading a children’s book. 

“Is it fully dead?” you ask after a couple of minutes. 

“No, but you got a virus, it might take some time to restore everything and some files might not make it, I’m sorry.”

You let out a shaky breath, feeling like crying again, but you manage to swallow them back as you lean against the edge of Harry’s desk. He looks up at you like a frightened kid.

“I-I can try to get everything back, I promise, it’s just that–”

“No, I know it’s not up to you. Thank you though. I’m just on the verge of… would it be weird if I started screaming right now?” you ask rhetorically as you pinch the bridge of your nose. 

“I can set up another one for you to use with all the access cloned from yours, but you won’t have the files in the meantime.”

“That would be wonderful, thank you.”

“Is there any file in particular you want me to try to recover?”

“There’s this folder that would be nice if I had it, here, this is the name,” you say as you grab a post-it and a pen and scribble the name down with all the files in it. 

“Okay, I will try to restore it. Give me a few minutes to set your replacement computer up.”

Nodding sadly you wait by Harry’s desk, watching him work on his computer like it’s an instrument and he is pretty much a professional. You know nothing about programming, but Harry seems like a wizard, you have no idea why Steven makes him deal with all the tiny things when he could pretty much redeem the world. 

“Here, this is the password, everything is set up,” he hands you the new computer.

“Thank you.”

“I’ll give you an email when I have something about your old one.”

“Okay, my address is–”

“I know, I just… I literally just logged you into your account,” he reminds me with a shy smile and you realize he’s right.

“Oh. I forgot. Well, thank you so much, Harry. And I’m sorry you have to deal with it now.”

“It’s fine, I’m the newest on the team, this is how it goes. Rookies get to deal with all the device issues,” he chuckles shortly.

You nod with a sympathetic smile and pay one last look to your savior. He looks young, around your age, but he’s sporting a slight stubble that adds some harshness to his otherwise boyish face. He’s got kind eyes behind his glasses, the prettiest pink lips you’ve ever seen on a man and his curls are screaming to be touched, though you’re not sure HR would take it well if you were just walking around the office, touching people’s hair. Oddly, it wouldn’t be the first time they would have to deal with a situation like this. Bobby DeMarco was a weird dude who worked in sales and he had an even weirder obsession with playing with women’s hair randomly. He didn’t last too long at the company, luckily.

When you return to your desk it takes everything in you to focus on working and A, not find Eric to claw his eyes out and B, not anxiously wait to hear anything from the board about today’s meeting. They are supposed to give feedback today and approve if you can continue working on your project and they can easily just kick you out of the whole thing as well. If that happened Eric would still have to prove himself to be a good fit for the role, but you’d have no chance to ever step up at the company.

You’re a mess, to say the least. You’re panicking over having to do a full website makeover in just a month, you have no idea where you stand with Eric and honestly, you’re torn between never wanting to talk to him and also screaming at him until your lungs give up.

God, your sister will be so mad, she was right! Jeanie warned you. She said it right at the beginning when you started hooking up with Eric that it’s not gonna end well, but you thought she was talking about being dumped eventually, not getting your promotion stolen from you!

When Zaya comes up to you with a question later in the day you’re still so shaken up you can barely make out an answer for her.

“I think you should report it,” she suggests, holding her notebook to her chest.

“And what do I have as proof? My computer is totally dead with all the evidence I made the presentation,” you groan, leaning back in your seat.

“Let’s hope the hot IT guy can restore everything.”

“Hot?” you chuckle. “How do you know he’s hot?”

“You said it’s Harry doing it, right? Curly hair, glasses?” You nod. “I know him, he is definitely hot,” she shrugs smirking, shifting her weight to one leg. “You know what would be nice? Hooking up with him to get revenge on Eric!”

“H-Hooking up? Why would Eric care about who I hook up with?” you clear your throat, pretending like you haven’t had a thing going on with Eric these past months. Zaya gives you a look that clearly says you shouldn’t think she’s stupid and blind.

“Please, Y/N.”

Sighing you roll your eyes as you give up the act.

“Judging from the betrayal Eric gives absolutely no shit about me.”

“Maybe, maybe not,” she shrugs just when your computer pings, signaling two new emails in your inbox.

One from the board and one from Harry.

“Oh shit,” you gasp as you lean forward so fast you almost fall off your seat and Zaya runs behind your desk to see what’s happening as you open the email from the board.

Your eyes skim over the lines several times before you finally process what was written in it.

They approved your plan. You’re still up for the promotion.

“Congrats! You made it!” Zaya cheers.

“Fuck,” you whisper under your breath.

“What’s wrong? I thought this was what you wanted.”

“The chance and the promotion? Yes. But now I have to do a full website makeover in a month which is practically impossible.”

You’re still moping and silently panicking when you’re approaching Harry’s desk for the second time today. When he sees you he jumps to his feet and you almost break a smile because he looks like a puppy for a second, but then you see that he has taken his sweatshirt off, wearing only a simple black t-shirt that puts his tattoo littered arms on display.

Fuck, Zaya was right. He really is kinda hot.

“Hey,” he waves at you when you finally reach his desk.

“Hi, how did it go?” you ask with a deep breath.

“Actually kinda good, I could save most of your stuff,” he says as he sits back and you walk behind his desk, seeing your laptop still wired to his computer. “I saved the files onto a harddrive, but I don’t recommend you to keep using the laptop, it’s… it’s pretty fried,” he chuckles, pushing the glasses further up on the bridge of his nose and for a moment you just stare at his side profile instead of focusing on what he’s showing you on his screen.

“Uh, that’s okay, I’ll be fine with the files,” you clear your throat.

“So um… I don’t know if it matters or not, but I-I thought you might want to know that you didn’t just get the virus because you clicked on something, it was… well, someone put it on your computer and it started attacking the firmware.”

You blink a few times as you process his words and then it all starts to make sense.

“What do you mean someone put it on my computer?”

“Well, there was a malware hidden on your computer that basically attacked the firmware which made it impossible for you to use the laptop and it also attacked the files saved, I found an implanted code that was giving access to–”

“Harry, I don’t really understand what you’re saying,” you remind him, his words sounding absolutely foreign to you.

“Sorry,” he breathes out with a nod. “So basically, the virus stopped your computer from working and it also gave access to a third party to reach your files.”

“So someone could use my files?”

“Yeah, exactly.”

You feel like fainting again, because now it all makes sense. And you’re starting to see red.

“Can you see what files they messed with?”

“Actually, I’m glad you asked,” he smiles proudly. “I was able to find everything they duplicated and there’s a folder they tried to get rid of, but I restored it.”

“Is it by any chance the folder I gave the name to you?”

“It is,” he nods, his fingers starting to type on his keyboard at lightspeed. “Here. See these lines?” he asks, pointing at a code you understand nothing of, but you nod. “It’s basically something they should have paid attention to if they wanted to leave no trace, but I found it so now we know what they were trying to put their hands on. I even have time stamps too. The virus was on your computer for a while and then it was activated to attack the firmware today.”

This is all like a movie, it feels like you’re in Mission Impossible or James Bond, except it’s not a great villain who is working against you but the guy you trusted to let into your bed. The guy you considered your friend and even something more than just that lately.

You made a mistake, you see it now and you want to dwell on it but you know you have no time for that, you have to keep moving forward.

“Do you know who did it?”

“Unfortunately, no. I could only get proof if I had access to the other person’s computer who was hacking yours. I’m sorry.”

Harry seems genuinely sad, as if he failed, but he did so much for you already.

“It’s okay. Thank you so much, can you… like, make a record of all these? So we have all this as proof at least.”

“Already done,” he nods. “Do you want me to file a report?”

“No. No need for that,” you shake your head. “But… I want to ask a favor from you. I know we barely know each other and you probably have a lot of work, so feel free to say no.”

“What is it?”

“Do you want to help me redesign our whole website?”

You’re anxiously chewing on your bottom lip as you wait for the Skype call to be answered, your sister’s name flashing on the screen until her pixelated face replaces it.

And she looks mad, just as you expected.

“Y/N, I told you so! I literally told you so!” she starts off, the voice cracks a bit as the call stabilizes.

“Can we skip the part where you tell me off like a child for hooking up with a coworker who ended up fucking me over?” you flash a smile, but she rolls her eyes at you, leaning back on her couch, her right side getting more illuminated by the lamp beside her couch. It’s past seven in the evening in Tokyo while it’s just six am for you. For the past six months this has been your usual, trying to call each other at a time that’s reasonable for the both of you with the insane thirteen hours of time difference. It’s definitely a hard task and sometimes you have to plan a call days, even weeks ahead.

“No, because I’m so mad!” she groans. “Mostly at the fucker, but you as well!”

“I really don’t need to hear how much I fucked up,” you mumble, looking down at your lap.

“Sorry,” she sighs, realizing she is making you feel even guiltier. “I’m just… you worked so hard for this and now he is ruining it.”

“I’m still up for the promotion,” you shrug.

“Yeah, but you said it’s almost impossible to do what you presented.”

“Well, things are looking a bit better now.”

She listens intently as you tell her about what Harry found on your computer and how you ended up asking him to help you out. You truly didn’t think he would say yes, but he didn’t even think about it before agreeing. So now you have the IT part covered by him, you just have to come up with all the rest.

“This Harry guy…” Sammy starts and you hold up your hand.

“Don’t give me the speech again, I learned my lesson.”

“No, actually I wanted to say that I like him.”

“For real?” you ask, raising your eyebrows. 

“I mean, he is willing to work an immense amount of extra time on your project and he basically has no benefit from it. I hope you do realize how big of a sacrifice he is making for your promotion.”

You knew how big of a deal it has been from Harry to help you out but now that Sammy said it out loud, realization hits. It’s not right he gets nothing out of it, so you note to yourself to go over it with him when you meet him in the morning for your first planning session.

“I’ll talk to him about it. Now let’s talk about something else.”

Harry was afraid he wouldn’t be able to wake up so early in the morning and make it into the office for the meeting with you, but it turns out his excitement to be working with you is kicking him out of bed even before his alarm goes off. 

He does his usual morning routine, shower, get dressed, breakfast and checking he has everything he needs in his backpack for the day and then he’s on his way. When he walks into the café that’s two blocks away from his apartment the bell gently chimes above his head, catching the attention of the owner, Frida. 

“Harry! You’re up early today!” she greets him with a beaming smile, her grey hair is in her signature low bun, her blue eyes twinkling at the sight of him.

“I have an early meeting,” he mumbles with a shy smile, the tip of his ears turning red and she doesn’t miss it, but she knows how closed off he is so she doesn’t even try to tease her about it. 

“The usual?”

“Um, yeah, but can you make it two?”

“Of course,” she nods with a knowing smile, her suspicion is getting proven that this early meeting is with someone special. 

The two chat lightly while Friday makes the coffees to go, handing the paper cups to Harry once they’re done.

“Have a lovely day, Harry,” she waves after him and he nods back, pushing the door open with his hips, a cup in each of his hands.

He can’t deny there’s a pep in his step as he enters the building that’s eerily empty so early in the morning. He did not expect his day to take such an unexpected turn yesterday. He’s seen you around the office a few times before but he knew nothing about you, just that your laughter is ridiculously contagious. Then you jumped into the elevator with him in the morning, looking a bit messy but very pretty nevertheless. He could only blink as the elevator sped up and moments later you were out of sight.

But then you strolled into the IT department with your ruined computer and he finally learned your name. While he wanted to help with your laptop as much and fast as possible, he was also dreading the moment you’d pick the harddrive up with all your files and then never talk to him again. He felt silly, crushing on a woman he only officially met just a few hours before, but he couldn’t help it. Even when you were visibly stressed and worried he thought you were enchanting. 

He was not expecting you to ask for his help, but luckily his brain clicked instantly and agreed without hesitation. For one, he’s been dealing with boring projects as the rookie on the team and this seems like a great challenge for him. 

On the other hand, he would have said yes to anything you asked him, literally. 

So now as he walks into the meeting room where you’re supposed to meet his excitement is mixed with some anxiety, because as much as he is curious about this project he is nervous to spend so much time with you all of a sudden. He can only hope he won’t seem like a freak to you.

Thanks to the early Skype session with Sammy you’re on time too, arriving to the office building just minutes after Harry. He’s setting his laptop up when you arrive, his head snapping up when you approach the desk and take the seat next to him.

“Morning,” you smile at him warmly.

“Good morning,” he smiles back, fixing his glasses to sit straight before reaching for the extra cup of coffee. “Um, I brought you this. Actually, I realized too late that I don’t know how you like your coffee, so y-you don’t have to drink it…”

“Oh! That’s very kind, thank you! I drink coffee however I can,” you chuckle. “I just need the caffeine.”

You see a small smile flash across his face before he returns to his computer while you settle next to him. 

“Before we start, I wanted to go over something with you.” Harry turns to you curiously as you try to figure out what to even say. “This is a huge thing and I know it needs a lot of time and work. I don’t feel comfortable letting you do it without getting anything for the work you do.”

“Oh, I-I don’t need anything, I’m glad to help.”

“That’s very kind, but it still doesn’t feel fair. If there is anything I can do for you, literally anything, just feel free to ask. I would feel better if I knew you’re getting your reward for your work.”

Harry thinks about it for a few seconds before nodding to himself.

“Do I have to come up with something now?”

“No,” you chuckle. “Just promise me you’ll think of some way I can pay you back.”

“Okay.”

In the next hour you learn two things. One, working with Harry is incredibly easy. He is efficient, communicates well and simply a great at teamwork, it’s like a breath of fresh air after some of the people you’ve previously worked with.

The other thing you learn is that he is incredibly smart and it makes him very… sexy.

God, you shouldn’t be having these thoughts after what happened with Eric, but you’re not immune to a good-looking man with so much knowledge, especially when it’s in IT. You know nothing about coding and when he pulls up his miles long codes, types quietly for a few minutes and then shows you what he did, explaining to you the science behind it… it’s making you feel things you shouldn’t be. It’s so attractive when someone knows so much about something and they’re passionate and devoted to the field. It’s clear that Harry’s field is programming and he is ridiculously good at it. 

You were afraid the task would turn out to be impossible and every time he spends just a little more time silently staring at his code you’re expecting him to give up and tell you he can’t do it.

But he comes up with something every time and by the time the meeting ends you feel oddly enthusiastic and optimistic about the whole makeover that was scaring you to death just yesterday.

“Harry, you are… truly a life saver,” you sigh contently as you lean back in your seat, a long list of tasks on your screen, but you can actually see the light at the end of the tunnel now. 

“I’m happy to help,” he smiles shyly, nodding to himself. 

“Do not forget about the payment, I really want to pay it all back to you.”

“I won’t, I promise,” he chuckles softly.

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, right?”

“Tomorrow,” he confirms before packing up his stuff and leaving.

You stay in your seat for a little longer, just having a break before starting your actual work day. Opening up your calendar you check what meetings you have today and that’s when you face what you’ve been religiously ignoring since yesterday’s ordeal.

The weekly marketing sync where most of the time it’s just you and Eric, because Dominik, the third person who should be present likes to cancel last minute. 

It’s ridiculous that you still haven’t gotten into contact with him. Part of you was expecting him to come to you, to give you any kind of explanation though there is nothing he could have said that would have explained why he did all of that.

It’s been radio silence on his part and now you have to face him and talk to him.

You’d rather throw up in the middle of the office than do it, but you have to suck it up and deal with him.

He is there in the meeting room when you walk in, typing away on his computer like nothing happened, like he didn’t just try to ruin your career.

“Eric?” you call out, your voice sounds a lot more confident than you were expecting luckily.

He looks up, his face remains completely blank and it just angers you even more.

“Hey,” he nods without batting an eye.

“Hey?” you chuckle, as you close the door behind you, shutting you away from the rest of the people outside. “Don’t you have something to say to me?”

“Y/N, do you really want to do this?” he sighs, as if it was tiring to even think about the situation.

“Eric, you stole my whole presentation and sold it as yours!”

“Are you sure about that?”

You��re seeing red. And you’ve never been this close to actually punching someone in the face. 

“Of course I’m sure about it! That was my presentation! Are you fucking kidding me?!”

Eric stands from his seat, taking his sweet time as he walks closer, trying to intimidate you with the height difference, which used to work, you even found it hot when he towered over you, but now it’s like his existence is giving you the ick.

“You have no proof, Y/N. And you didn’t say a word at the meeting. That ship has sailed, now it’s time to move on.”

“It was all just a joke to you?”

“I told you at the beginning I didn’t want anything serious, that wasn’t a lie.”

“But did you do it just to fuck my presentation up? We literally started hooking up when the open position was announced.”

“Does it matter?”

“It does!” you laugh in disbelief, tears stinging your eyes, but you refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing you cry because of him.

“Okay,” he sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I just wanted to get to know you and see what you’d come up with for the presentation, but then one thing followed the other and… I went with it.” He shrugs and then goes back to his computer like you just discussed the weather and not how he used you and then threw you away.

You can’t hold yourself together any longer, so you turn around and get as far from him as possible as you try not to start sobbing in the middle of the office. Fuck, this shouldn’t hurt this much, but you really trusted him, you thought you could have something serious, you were hoping Sammy wouldn’t be right about him, but she was. Unfortunately.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mumble under your breath as you approach your desk Zaya is not in today, so it’s pretty calm around your desk, but then you spot someone lingering there.

“Y/N?” Harry sees how shaken you look as you finally reach him at your desk. “A-Are you alright?”

“Hi Harry,” you force a smile out, but you can’t fool anyone with it. “Did we… Do we have a meeting or something?”

“No, I just wanted to show something… Y/N, are you about to cry?””

“N-No,” you shake your head, but your lips are already wobbling and you fail to prove your words right.

“Uh, come on, let’s have a break. Want to come up to the roof?” He gently circles an arm around your shoulders and you let him lead you back to the elevators.

“Roof? We can go out to the roof?” you ask, wiping your tears away.

He doesn’t reply, just makes sure to shield you from the curious eyes as you make your way up to the top of the building. You genuinely didn’t know the roof could be used and when you see Harry push the heavy door open that leads outside you’re guessing it’s not exactly a public spot, but you don’t question it.

It looks just like how a rooftop should look, it’s definitely not open for public use but when Harry leads you over the corner and you see a little bench there, facing the panoramic view, you know you have just found a secret spot.

“Is this where you hide from Steven?” you attempt to joke as you sit down with him. 

“Sometimes, yes,” he chuckles. “Not my spot though, I think the janitor comes up here to smoke, but I haven’t run into him yet.”

You sit in silence, Harry gives you time and space to pull yourself together, not rushing you to talk at all and you’re grateful for his patience. Staring ahead at the view you take a few deep breaths, telling yourself not to let Eric’s bullshit get to your head. 

“I’m sorry you had to… deal with my tantrum,” you chuckle sadly at last. 

“That wasn’t a tantrum,” he smiles softly. “And don’t be sorry, everyone could have a bad day. Want to talk about what happened?”

“I trusted the wrong person,” you purse your lips. “Um, the virus you found on my computer. Someone from the company put it there to fuck up my chances for a promotion I’ve been dreaming of for a long time.”

“What? Are you… are you serious?”

“Yeah and the worst part is that… god, don’t tell anyone, but I’ve been kind of… hooking up with him and he said it was all just to get closer to me.”

Harry opens his mouth to say something, but then ends up closing it, processing what you just told him. You don’t blame him for being lost and confused, it’s a shitshow, to say the least. 

“That’s… That’s awful, I’m sorry,” he clears his throat, gently shaking his head. 

“You have nothing to be sorry about,” you chuckle. “I trusted the wrong person. Learned my lesson,” you shrug, and you wish you could actually end it all in your head with that, but you know it will bother you for a while at least. 

“Can I ask who this person is?”

“Eric Sonders.”

“I think… I know him. Didn’t think he could be this… vile.”

“Me neither!” you laugh. 

“So… he stole your idea and presentation, so now you have to do something else? And that’s the makeover?”

Nodding you briefly tell him what happened at the meeting, he listens intently and then shakes his head in disapproval, probably just as upset and lost about Eric’s behavior as you are. 

“You should report him, this is incredibly unethical and unacceptable.”

“I have no proof. We can’t prove that he did it all to my computer, you said it yourself.”

“Shit, you’re right.”

While Harry is deep in his thoughts you just stare ahead of yourself, doing a short assessment of your current situation. This should have been an exciting, professionally challenging time in your life, working on something that would earn you your promotion, but now, you feel like it’s more out of your reach than ever.

“We’ll make it work,” Harry speaks up, as if he could read your mind. “We can do it.”

“You really think so?”

“Yeah. It’s gonna be a tight stretch, but… It’s not impossible.”

“You are truly a life saver for agreeing to do it, Harry. I have no idea what I would do without you.”

He turns to you with a sheepish smile and you notice the slight pink shade on his cheeks as he nods.

“I’m happy to help.”

Part of you knew this would be deadly, but even after expecting the worst, it hits you like a train.

In the next two weeks you feel like you spend every waking moment working on the project with Harry. Sometimes you do it together, sharing ideas, discussing them, sometimes you’re together but work in silence and sometimes you do it apart. Whichever it is, you eat, drink and dream with the new website.

While Harry is taking care of the coding, you do everything else, that means content writing, planning, organizing and also designing. It’s been ages since the last time you designed anything, once upon a time you thought you’d end up in that field, but then somehow marketing came into the picture and now you have to combine your two passions. 

It’s destroying you absolutely, but slowly it’s starting to add up and you can see the progress. 

On a Friday evening you’re still in the office after seven, practically everyone has left by now, but you’re deep in work with Harry beside you. It's one of those quiet sessions, when you’re working together, but only speak when there’s an issue. Neither of you said anything for about an hour when the silence is interrupted by Harry’s ringing phone.

“Ah, sorry,” he mumbles, jumping in his seat at the sudden noise as he reaches for the phone, checking the caller ID before his eyes go wide. “Oh shit,” he mumbles and you look up at him as he answers the call. “Hey Mitch!”

You hear a voice from the phone, but it’s too muffled for you to make out what they are saying.

“Um, I’m kind of still at the office… No, I didn’t forget!” he protests, but the look on his face clearly tells you he did forget something. “I-I don’t know… Yeah, I’ve been just working with Y/N… No, I won’t– Mitch… No!... Uh, okay…”

He holds the phone away from his ear, covering the mic with a hand as he looks at you with anxious eyes, he looks like a reindeer caught in headlights. 

“Um, I forgot I was supposed to meet two of my friends for a few drinks. Is it okay if I leave now?”

“Oh God, of course! Harry, it’s so late, I shouldn’t have kept you here so long.”

“You didn’t keep me,” he chuckles, before the worried look returns to his face. “Actually, would you… I mean only if you want to–So do you maybe… want to come?”

It’s adorable how he stumbles over his own words and you see the familiar pink shade tinting his face again, it’s a color you’ve seen a lot lately and you’ve grown to quite like it. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude on your time with your friends.”

“You wouldn’t intrude, I mean, I’m asking because I want you to join, obviously.”

“I-I’ll just go home and work some more, it’s fine–”

“Y/N, we’ve been working all day,” he chuckles. “You deserve some free time as well.”

You think of his words, these two weeks has been so busy you didn’t even do anything else than working and sleeping practically. Some off time would be actually amazing for your fried brain.

“Only if you truly don’t mind,” you say at last.

“Let’s pack then,” he beams with a smile as he shuts his computer down.

Twenty minutes later you’re walking into a bar you’ve never been to, joining Harry’s friends for drinks and though you can’t put your finger on it, but for some reason you feel a bit anxious. 

“Hey guys,” Harry waves at a couple sitting in a dimly lit booth. The woman is the first one to look at you with a beaming, bright smile as she slides out and holds her hand out for you.

“Hi! You must be Y/N! I’m Sarah and this is my husband, Mitch,”

“It’s nice to meet you,” you breathe out as you shake hands with Mitch as well.

You’re instantly bombarded with questions from Sarah as you slip into the booth and don’t even notice that Harry leaves and then returns with two drinks.

“Oh, thank you,” you smile at him as he sits beside you.

“So how is the project going?” Mitch speaks up, lazily draping an arm to the back of the seat behind Sarah.

“It’s going good,” Harry hums with a small nod, very humble about how much he has gotten done in just the first week.

“Mostly because of Harry’s hard work,” you add, praising him the way he deserves and it brings back that pink shade to his cheeks.

Sarah and Mitch are very easy to talk to, they seem curious about the projects the two of you are working on and just you in general. You’re having a great time hanging out with them and you feel like you’ve known them for a long time even though you literally just met.

You don’t even notice how time flies by, only when Sarah checks the time and lets Mitch know that they need to be heading home so the babysitter can leave.

“It was really nice meeting you, Y/N. I hope we can do this some other time,” Sarah hugs you.

“If Harry doesn’t mind me interrupting his time with his friends, then I’m in,” you chuckle, looking at the man in question who just shakes his head with a shy smile, letting you know he definitely does not mind.

“Alright, then it’s settled!”

They say their goodbye to Harry as well and suddenly it’s just the two of you in the booth and Harry is noticeably more nervous than before.

“Um, w-we don’t have to stay, if you want to go home, you co–”

“I’m happy to stay, Harry,” you smile at him without hesitation. He seems surprised, but excited at your answer.

You order another round of drinks and with the previous ones already consumed, it seems like Harry is slowly opening up, leaving his shyness behind and you get to have a peek behind his walls. The more you find out about him the more sure you get that he is truly an amazing, brilliant person and you wish you had met him earlier.

Maybe then you wouldn’t have fallen for Eric’s bullshit. Maybe then you would have fallen for him.

The drinks you’ve had don’t actually let it register, but you’re already developing a crush on him. How could you not? He is sweet, caring, smart, very thoughtful, basically the polar opposite of Eric. It’s making you question what you even saw in that asshole, you really put the bar too low.

“Oh shit, it’s already three in the morning,” you chuckle, when you finally check the time. “I should head home, I can’t sleep all day tomorrow,” you sigh, rubbing your face with your hands, realizing just how tired you feel. 

“I’ll call an Uber, is it okay if we share one?”

“It’s more than okay,” you smile at him lazily.

Minutes later you’re out in front of the bar, waiting for the ride to arrive. It has gotten significantly chillier, you did not dress for a night out so you’re holding your blazer jacket tight on yourself. When Harry notices he shrugs off his jean jacket without a word and drapes it over your shoulders.

“No, you’ll be cold!” you try to protest, but he shakes his head.

“I have a hoodie in my backpack,” he shrugs and pulls out a black hoodie, putting it on right when a car pulls up in front of you.

“Thank you for inviting me out tonight,” you quietly speak up on the backseat of the Uber, staring at Harry’s dimly lit handsome face. His glasses slid down on the bridge of his nose and you had enough drinks to have the courage to reach out and push them back gently. The gesture seemingly surprised him, but he doesn’t protest, just keeps his eyes focused on you.

“It was nice hanging out with you outside of the office.”

“Now we know we have things to talk about outside of the project,” you chuckle, making him grin as well. “We’re a great duo, Harry.”

“You think so?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t sure about it at first, I have never had to work this closely together with an IT guy and I was afraid I might be too intense for you. But it all turned out so good, I like spending time with you.”

“Really?”

“Is it that surprising?” you chuckle, letting your head fall back and rest on the back of the seat. “You’re a cool guy, Harry Styles. And very handsome.”

The last comment rolls off your tongue before you could bite it back and though it’s too dark to see it, you just know he is all blushed. Before any of you could speak up, the car comes to a stop, you’ve arrived at your building. Harry gets out of the car with you and walks you up to the door. 

“See you on monday?” he shyly kicks the dust, hands in his pockets. 

“Yeah. Thanks for tonight,” you repeat yourself and there’s a heartbeat of silence where you feel that moment.

You probably should not be feeling this way, not after getting yourself burnt so bad, but you can’t help it. You want to kiss Harry and for a split second you believe he wants to do the same. His eyes flicker down to your lips and you move just a tiny bit closer to him, time stands still and just when you think he’ll do it, he clears his throat and steps back.

“Good night, Y/N,” he mumbles nodding before he walks back to the car. 

You stand there, feeling stupid as you blink after him before snapping out of your trance, forcing yourself to walk inside. As you take a quick shower and get ready to bed you get into a spiral. 

First of all you’re such a needy idiot for jumping from one man to the other. You should not be looking at men at all after Eric and yet here you are, crushing on yet another coworker of yours, what is wrong with you?! 

And second, why were you expecting him to kiss you? You’ve barely known each other for a few weeks and Harry is a reasonable man, he is probably not at all like you, he probably doesn’t want to get involved with a coworker especially not you. Some signs were giving you a feeling that he might have liked you more than just a friend, but you must have totally misread him. 

You have to control yourself and not scare him away, especially since he is doing you a huge favor, the last thing you want to do is to make him uncomfortable.

Harry hasn’t stopped thinking about you all weekend. Specifically about that moment in front of your apartment building where he would have sworn he felt you were expecting him to kiss you, but he couldn’t do it. Not when you were clearly intoxicated.

He didn’t want you to think he would ever take advantage of you like that.

The next week starts oddly. He gets some extra tasks and you get involved in another project as well, so you can’t work together like last week. Monday and then Tuesday rushes by without the two of you meeting. By Wednesday Harry is craving to see you again and it seems like it’s finally happening, because you don’t cancel your morning meeting. He arrives in a good mood with coffee for you and him, excited to show you everything he finished in the past days.

But then he can feel the change in you when you walk in.

You seem off, but at first he can’t tell why. You’re not your bubbly self, you seem very closed off and oddly professional compared to the times the two of you met earlier. Harry tries to tell himself it’s nothing serious, but the more time you spend together the more obvious it’s getting and he can’t take it anymore.

“Y/N?” he quietly asks at the end of the meeting. “Is everything alright?”

“Sure,” you nod, but it’s like as if you didn’t even believe it yourself.

“Did… Did I do something that upset you?”

“Nope, I just…” You sigh, giving up the facade you’ve been trying hard to keep up. “Listen, about Friday, I’m very sorry, Harry.”

“Sorry? For what?”

“I feel like I overstepped a line and made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry about that. If I made you uncomfortable. I want us to work well together and my unfiltered mouth was not at all professional that night, so I’m really sorry about that.”

Harry is blinking at you, confused and lost about what you truly meant by all that. He did not see this coming and now he has no idea how to react other than just looking at you with a startled expression.

“Can we just go back to where we were before that?”

“Where… I don’t-I mean, um…”

“Let’s just forget about when we parted ways, please?”

“So… Uh, yeah,” he at last nods, trying his best to mask his disappointment. He thought there might be something more between the two of you, but this conversation is proof that you just had too many drinks and you didn’t mean any of it. 

“Thank you so much,” you breathe out in relief. “I wouldn’t want to ruin our work together.”

Harry nods silently and doesn’t ask more about it. 

He is trying hard to hide his disappointment and part of home wants to know if you felt even the slightest spark on Friday or it was all just the alcohol, but he is not one to dig into things that might end him up in an awkward situation. He just swallows it all down and pulls his walls up again.

You can feel a bitter taste in your mouth as well after your talk with Harry. Something felt off, but you can’t put your finger on it and soon you have something else to worry about. 

You’re surprised to see Eric chatting with Zaya when you return to your desk. Your intern, bless her heart, is trying to keep a straight and professional face but you can tell she wants to scream at the man who definitely thinks he is charming the young girl with his small talk. 

“Eric? What are you doing here?” you ask, biting your tongue so you don’t tell him to leave and fuck himself.

“Hey, can we talk? Privately?” 

You look at Zaya and her eyes tell you what she thinks: it’s the literal worst idea ever. And you want to say no to him, but judging from his antics lately he would somehow use it against you so you don’t have much of a choice.

“Sure,” you mumble and the two of you take an empty meeting room. “So?” 

“Look, I want to apologize.”

What? Is he for real? That was unexpected.

“My behavior was uncalled for and very unprofessional.”

“Do you mean the way you stole my idea and presentation or the way you talked to me when I confronted you about it?”

“Can you not attack me, please?” he gives you a look that would have put you in place before, but now it just annoys you. He is trying to make you be the one in the wrong and you want to snap at him for still being such an ass, but you want to be the bigger person and stay professional. No matter how much you hate him, you’re still colleagues. 

“Go on,” you sigh, folding your arms over your chest.

“I know I can’t change the past but I think it's best if we deal with it in a decent way.”

How noble of him, pulling the rug from underneath you and then acting like he is this decent, peaceful man who just wants to work together. You want to throw up, but you swallow it back and force a smile onto your face.

“Sure, of course,” you tell him.

Seemingly Eric is satisfied with the work he did, but he is so tone deaf it hurts. He smiles nodding and heads out of the room with you behind him.

“Great talk!” he enthuses before walking away.

Zaya turns to you with wide eyes and you just shake your head.

“He wanted to apologize, though he didn’t really succeed, but I feel like it doesn’t matter to him,” you shrug as you sit behind your desk.

“You’re not forgiving him, right?”

“Of course not,” you scoff. “But we’re still colleagues, I can’t keep up the beef, it’s too tiring. I’ll just ignore his existence.”

You don’t think much of Eric’s ridiculous attempt to make peace, you keep your focus on your own project. 

There’s a bit of awkwardness between you and Harry after your little talk, but you feel like with time it eases and you write it off as just him not fond of situations like the one you put him into on Friday. 

Thursday afternoon the two of you are having another session together, working on some details he’s been trying to figure out himself, but he needs your input to finish them as well. It turns into brainstorming which results in a bunch of new things you want to include, but it will also add more work to your plate.

“I’m really sorry I always just keep adding new stuff to your load,” you sigh, truly feeling like you’re constantly overstepping boundaries, but Harry just shakes his head.

“I’m excited about these all. These are great functions and I’m looking forward to writing the code.”

“That sounded so nerdy,” you chuckle, but notice that Harry’s smile has disappeared.

“Sorry.”

“Oh no, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s great, I love it when someone is so passionate about something. I love it when you get deep into the tech talk. I think it’s amazing how much you know about these stuff.”

“But you can always just tell me to shut up, I know a lot of people don’t like it when I talk like that,” he mumbles, noticeably avoiding looking you in the eyes.

“Has… someone told you not to talk about programming?”

“Um…” He shifts uncomfortably and you’re about to tell him he doesn’t need to answer, but then he speaks up. “My ex girlfriend hated it when I talked about IT stuff,” he shrugs, but you can tell it’s something he struggled with. 

You can’t imagine ever telling him to stop talking about something that brings him this much joy. It’s clear this is his element and any woman that would try to restrain it is an idiot and can’t appreciate how wonderful this man is. 

You watch him quietly finish up on his computer before he starts to shut it down and you know you have to say something.

“She did not deserve you.”

He blinks at you surprised so you continue.

“Anyone who wants you to stop talking about something that makes you happy is not a person you want in your life, Harry, I hope you know that.”

“Uh… thank you,” he mumbles, that lovely pink shade taking over his face once again.

“You can always talk tech with me. I like listening to it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. It amazes me, because I know nothing about it.” And it’s really hot, you want to add, but then bite your tongue. 

There’s a tiny smile on his pink lips and you can tell this moment matters to him more than you could imagine and you’re glad you could make him happy like that.

“D-Do you want to grab something to eat?” he suggests as the two of you head out of the meeting room.

“That sounds great! I’m starving!” you groan. “Let me just grab my bag from my desk.

Harry nods and follows you, he already has his backpack with him. You’re musing about what you should have and Harry is telling you about this amazing bagel place he loves when you spot the familiar figure near your desk. 

“Eric, what are you doing here?” you ask, but you’re tempted to phrase your words differently, because it’s quite obvious he was snooping around your desk, not expecting you to show up after office hours.

“Y/N, hi! I was just… I thought I left some papers here the other day,” he clears his throat, stepping away from your desk. 

“You had no papers with you,” you simply say, knowing well something is off with him.

“Maybe I remembered wrong,” he chuckles. “Alright, see you later,” he waves and then leaves quickly before you could ask any more questions. 

“What was that about?” Harry asks as you launch at your desk, checking what might have changed.

“He was looking for something. He is trying to play me again,” you hiss through your teeth, frantically examining what he could have put his hands on, but you see nothing out of place. But then you realize that he must have thought you left your laptop, that’s what he was looking for. “Oh my God,” you gasp, quickly starting your laptop to see if there is anything wrong with it. 

“What? What’s going on?”

“Harry, can you, uhh—Can you check if there is anything wrong with my laptop?” you plead as he rounds your desk and sits nodding, though he is a tad bit lost about what’s happening.

“Like, check if there’s another virus, or something?”

“Yes. I think he was trying to tamper with it again, I can’t know for sure if he hasn’t touched it earlier.”

You knew his half-assed apology was tactic, but you didn’t think he would do it all over again. Eric really isn’t the person you thought him to be.

You watch Harry type away on your computer, anxiously waiting for him to say anything and in the meanwhile you’re planning how you’ll get rid of Eric the moment you finally get your well-deserved promotion. There’s no way you’re letting a snake like him work at the company. 

“I don’t see anything,” Harry finally leans back and you exhale in relief.

“I can’t let it out of my sight from now on,” you grumble, shaking your head. 

In this moment you feel like you’re running out of energy, all because you trusted the wrong person. Feeling defeated you collapse into Zaya’s chair, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Harry softly says, as if he could read your mind.

“I’m in this situation because I made all the worst choices. I can’t blame anyone else but myself.”

“You couldn’t have known this is how it would turn out to be.”

“I know, but…”

“No but. Just… You know what? I’ll install an extra security program on your laptop so only you can access it, alright?”

“Really?” you sit up straight.

“Yeah, just give me a few moments.”

He gets down to work, works his magic and a minute later he is explaining to you what he got set up on your laptop to secure it.

“Harry, I owe you so much at this point,” you sigh in relief when it sinks in that Eric will not get his hands on your things again. “I have no idea how I will be able to pay you back.”

You notice a slight shift in him as he clears his throat, looking at you nervously.

“About that… I-I think I know h-how–I mean I thought about what… you could…”

“You know what you want in return?” you perk up, happy to do something for Harry after everything he did for you. 

“Y-you can say no, it’s okay, I just–Um…”

“Harry, whatever it is, my answer is gonna be yes,” you chuckle, placing a gentle hand on his arm. He looks at your hand and then up to your eyes before finally speaking up.

“Go on a date… with me?”

Harry has been working up the courage to ask you all day, but he didn’t think he would have the balls to say it out loud. Sarah and Mitch urged him to shoot his shot, even after the kind of awkward conversation you had earlier. His friends were convinced you were into him regardless, but he’s been struggling to believe it himself.

It was kind of random he blurted it out, but now it’s been said and he is about to faint, waiting for your response. You’re staring back at him, eyebrows slightly raised, lips parted, but no words have left your mouth since his question.

“Y-You don’t have to, I-I understand–I mean, it’s–”

“Harry,” you cut him off. “I would love to go on a date with you,” you finally tell him and it feels like a stone has been lifted off his shoulders, his heart is about to jump out of his chest any moment.

“But I won’t take it as your payment,” you add and now it’s his turn to be surprised. 

“What?” he breathes out, not sure what to make of your words.

“I would never take it as a payment, because I would go on a date with you regardless, Harry. Think of something else and we will have the date as well.”

“Really?” 

“Of course,” you chuckle. 

“Okay, alright, um… then… it’s a date!”

Harry is late.

He promised to be there at the meeting room on time to support you and answer any tech related questions that might come up in connection with your presentation. Eric is now presenting his (your) idea, he has added some features to it since he stole the whole thing, but it’s still mainly yours. 

“Thank you very much for your attention,” he nods as he finishes his talk and the board claps shortly before it’s your turn to stand in front of them. 

You’re plugging your laptop together with the projector when the door of the meeting room opens and Harry’s head pops inside. Relief washes over you as you watch him apologize for his late arrival and take a seat. Your gaze meets his and he smiles at you sweetly, holding his thumb up for you as you load the presentation. Now you feel braver, knowing he is here to support you.

You desperately wish you could read minds as you go on with your presentation. You’re met with mostly blank faces, but they were the same during Eric’s presentation as well, so you can’t tell what they are thinking about. It’s going smoothly, you rehearsed it a million times instead of sleeping in the past few days and when it’s time for questions you ace all of them, even the few tech ones. You’ve spent so much time with Harry that you can easily give an answer to everything at this point.

“Thank you for your attention,” you nod smiling at the end and disconnect your laptop from the projector, walking back to Harry.

“You did amazing,” he smiles at you proudly and his approval means the most to you. 

“Thanks.”

“I’m sorry I was late, I had to take care of something.”

“It’s okay. I’m just happy you’re here.”

“Of course. I wouldn’t have missed it.” The CEO stands up and all heads turn in his direction.

“Thank you for the presentations, I would like to ask the candidates to leave the room so we can vote.”

You gather all your stuff and head out with Harry by your side. Eric ignores your existence, as if he didn’t lie and cheat his way to this moment, but you’re not stressing yourself anymore about it. 

You definitely believe in karma.

“You’ve got this,” Harry smiles at you softly and your heart melts at his expression. 

You’re planning to have your date tonight. It’s gonna be either a ‘you’ve got the promotion, now let’s celebrate with our date’ occasion or ‘you didn’t get the promotion so let’s cheer you up with a date’, you’re fine with both, truly. You know you put everything you had into this promotion and if they still decide not to choose you, that’s their loss and your sign to move on. 

You’re beyond excited about your date. There’s been an obvious change in your dynamic since Harry has asked you out, there are more glances, little touches, compliments and some very apparent sexual tension that’s still within the lines of comfort, it’s not too hard to control yourself, but you keep noticing more and more things about him that are pulling you towards him.

“I will miss our little work session,” you smile back at him shyly.

“Little? They usually lasted hours,” he chuckles, making you laugh too.

“Loved them all,” you shrug and the look on his face tells you he did too. 

The board takes some time to make their decision and when the door opens fifteen minutes later your heart skips a beat. The CEO asks you all to return to the room and you take your previous seat, Harry sitting next to you. His hand brushes against your knee shortly and you look at him, your gaze meeting his as he gives you an encouraging smile.

“Thank you all for these amazing presentations, we were very pleased with the plans and projects,” the CEO starts as he stands at the head of the table. “We had no doubt you two are the best applicants for the position and it’s been hard to decide who to choose, but at last we made a decision.”

Oh God, you’re about to throw up. Is it you? Is it Eric? You hope you won’t cry. That could happen in either case, but you really don’t want to cry in front of all these people. 

“The person we chose to fulfill the position is…” His eyes scan over the both of you as you hold your breath and then it finally lands on you. “Y/N Y/L/N. Congratulations.”

And just like that, your lungs fill with air again and it feels like a rock has been lifted off your shoulders. 

“I told you,” you hear Harry beside you and when you look at him you see pride all over his face and you can’t stop yourself from throwing your arms around his neck to hug him.

“Thank you, it wouldn’t have happened without you,” you mumble as you squeeze him tight before letting go of him, going up to the board to shake hands. 

At first you don’t even process it, but then Eric’s voice hits your ear and you realize he is turning red across the table, complaining nonstop about the outcome.

“...The whole thing was so fucking out of the blue! Redesigning the whole website? That’s like suicide!...”

You don’t even have the chance to react to his comments, the CEO speaks up for everyone.

“Y/N’s idea is daring, innovative and brave, just what we need. We don’t want to play it safe and your idea was definitely in the safe zone.”

“His idea,” you scoff under your breath.

“Actually, there is something I would like to show you, if you have a few more minutes,” Harry speaks up as he starts his laptop and moves over to where the board is. You’re watching him completely puzzled.

“There’s been an unfortunate incident about the presentations. Y/N’s original idea was stolen, a virus has been planted on her computer to cover up the deed, but I could not recover enough information about the perpetrator to make accusations, that was until a few days ago.”

What?!

You see Eric’s red face turn completely white as Harry types away on his computer and then shows something to the board. They curiously eye the alleged proof as Harry continues.

“Proof could be only found on the perpetrator’s device and a few days ago I had access to Eric’s computer when he brought it in for a check up, since it’s been working too slow. As expected and told, I make a full check on every device in these cases and found unquestionable proof that Eric stole Y/N’s presentation through the virus.”

Oh lord. 

You watch as everyone on the board processes what they see on Harry’s computer and you can feel the switch in them towards Eric.

“Eric, let’s have a chat in my office. Now,” the CEO says and it’s definitely an order and Eric doesn’t try to go against it, just nods and follows him out of the room.

“Harry, why didn’t you tell me you were planning to do this?!” you ask as you rush up to him. The board members are leaving the meeting room, leaving the two of you alone. 

“I uh– I wanted it to be a surprise. Eric showed up at the IT department the other day and I got his case without him knowing so I could snoop around. Found the evidence right away so I thought the board should know what he did.”

“Why did you wait until they announced who got the promotion? This could have kicked him out of the contest right away.”

“I knew you’d get it,” he smiles shyly. “I had no doubt they would choose you, I wanted you to experience defeating him after what he did to you.”

To say you’re touched is an understatement. He didn’t just help you immensely to get this promotion, but also went out of his way to serve you justice. He has done more for you than anyone ever. 

You just know you can’t let the moment pass and ignoring the fact that you’re still at work, though no one is around to see, you close the distance between the two of you and press your lips against his.

This kiss has been hanging there for a while and you’d be lying if you said you have never fantasized about what it would be like to kiss Harry, but reality is a thousand times more magical. His lips are soft and warm, go so well with yours and once his first wave of shock passes he finally returns it and you melt in his arms. 

You had a feeling Harry was a great kisser, but the way he claims your lips just blows your mind. He is sweet and gentle but also demanding at the same time and if only you weren’t in the office you’d pretty much jump into his arms and let him do whatever he wants to you. 

Somewhere in the distance a phone rings and it breaks the spell, making you realize that you shouldn’t get carried away. 

“Sorry,” you smile, your lips barely just an inch away from his still. “I got… I just–Thank you. For everything you did for me.”

“Don’t be sorry,” he returns your smile and pecks your lips shortly one more time. “And I will always be here to support you.”

You might look like a lunatic as you watch the guy on the other side of the glass door of your office finish up the sign on the door.

Y/N Y/L/N, Head Of Digital Marketing.

God, you still can’t have enough of the sound of it even though you got the promotion two months ago. Okay, the first month you spent in your old job, teaching the ropes for your successor before you could start your transition into your new position.

Now it’s official and you couldn’t be happier about it.

Checking the time you sit back to your computer to finish up work for the day. It’s been one hell of a week, you’ve worked overtime three times so it’s great that today is finally Friday. You answer some more emails and check your calendar for the next week, making sure everything is settled.

There’s a soft knock on the door and when you look up your heart skips a beat, seeing Harry walk in, his backpack on one shoulder.

“Hey. Are you done?”

“Just one moment,” you smile and he nods, walking over to the window, patiently waiting for you to finish everything up. 

When you turn the computer off and look up at him, you notice that he is staring at you already.

“What?” you ask, packing up.

“Nothing, just… you look so pretty.”

You still haven’t gotten used to his compliments, though they always just keep on coming and coming. You love them.

And you love him.

Walking over to him you wrap your arms around his waist as you steal a kiss. Usually you try to keep the PDA out of the office, but sometimes he is just too hard to resist. Like now.

You’ve been officially a couple for two months, your first date after your big presentation was like a dream, Harry took you to all of his favorite spots in the city and then you just spent hours stargazing on the roof of his apartment’s building, he had a whole setup with a mattress, blankets and pillows, it was the sweetest thing ever, the best way to celebrate your win. Since then, it’s been endless dates, movie nights, trips on the weekend, you’ve been kind of inseparable. Well, outside of the office, because you try your best to stay professional at work. 

“What was that for?” he chuckles softly, his cheeks have that soft pink shade on them that you just want to kiss all over. 

“I’m just happy. That’s it.” Reaching up you fix his glasses before taking a step back and heading out.

Usually you just walk side by side to the elevator, but today you feel extra upbeat, so when you step into the elevator you gently take his hand and lace it together with yours and you can’t help but smile every time you’re in here with Harry.

Because he told you this is where he saw you for the very first time that day you overslept before your disastrous presentation. He was the one who held the elevator’s door for you. You were so disoriented that you didn’t notice him then and he likes to tease you about it, saying that he knew that moment he was into you, all while you didn’t even look at him. In return, you always bring up how you were the one kissing him for the first time. 

It’s crazy to think how much has happened between those two things or even between that morning and today. He was the quiet IT genius who you dragged into your madness. He is still a genius, but you’ve gotten to know the sides of him others can’t see and you love all of them, it just took you some time to open him up. To decode him.

Thank you for reading, please like and reblog if you enjoyed and buy me a coffee if you want to support me!

[cuppajj]

I’m gonna close the askbox soon for the time being, I’m getting a little overwhelmed and there have been some recent instances that have made me feel a little uncomfortable. Vent below but fair warning I get a little critical

TL;DR: you are not entitled to my askbox responses, please do not talk at me in tumblr dms, I am not your friend, please don’t come to me seeking personal validation and please do not be parasocial with me

This may sound extreme to some of you, but I want you to know that even though my askbox is open for people to ask me questions about crk and baau, there is no guarantee that I will answer them. I am not obligated to answer everyone’s ask because at the end of the day it’s down to my comfort level and if I feel like answering a specific ask at all, and for some asks I haven’t felt like I can gain much mutual substance from it. I can hear some people out but I don’t want this blog to turn into a place where you can say anything and be guaranteed a response like this is a DM. I get overwhelmed pretty easily if I feel like I’m being talked at and not talked to. I have had instances where a single person will send me a DM or ask everytime moment I mention something they like, but saying nothing in that ask that I can make an answer to. I highly discourage this behavior for my askbox specifically, as I grow generally uncomfortable because I feel like I’m being talked at. And feeling like im being talked at and not talked to is a huge ick of mine spurred by real life experiences.

And no I am highly unlikely to post privately because I barely use that feature, and then it just goes back to feeling like a DM which I don’t want. I don’t want to open up cans of worms with my askbox. I don’t want people to flood my inbox with X reader requests simply because I answered one ask related to it, I don’t want people to flood my inbox talking about themselves and their lives because I answered a few asks related to it. I don’t want to set any more impressions than I already have, also why i have stopped answering asks like them.

I also just want to say that, to avoid fostering parasocial relationships, I hardly know most of you people, and most of you aren’t my mutuals and friends. I appreciate your support and friendliness but I have a fine line between friend and follower. I don’t make friends through DM spam where someone who i barely know and haven’t interacted with talks about themself to me. I also am not here as an approval machine to validate people’s opinions or thoughts. I feel like some people have been growing parasocial with me which is deeply unsettling. Please do not DM me with random things unless we’ve previously interacted as tumblr and especially discord friends. I only accept questions asking for help, comments about specific things related to me, and general notices about things I should be aware of, like someone stealing my art. Please don’t expect long and/or consistent conversations with me if we are not mutuals and especially if we are not friends. And please do not be someone I barely know coming to me seeking personal validation from me.

I should also add that mutual in this instance means mutual follower, not mutual friend. I see mutual on the same definition as an acquaintance in most instances. I consider us friends if both of us are calling each other friends.

So this means do not send me pictures of you or your pets. I will see it but I am very likely not going to answer.

For BAAU specific questions, I have also had people ask me about why I haven’t answered them and it goes back to A). Their questions may have already been answered previously and B, most importantly,) I don’t answer asks I don’t feel like answering. This latter point is v important to me because the last thing I want is for people to feel entitled to know certain things about my AU. I am, for the most part, a one person team working on this, and I decide what’s known and what’s not. If I feel like something isn’t worth answering for whatever reason I feel, I will not answer it. I’m saying this now to—hopefully—lessen the chance of people expecting responses from me.

Edit: However i can also not answer an ask simply because I am waiting for a good time to respond. Whether that be with a drawing or, for baau specifically, when I am ready to share lore pertaining to it.

Edit 2: I know I can respond quickly at times but the speed of my responses should not be treated as a constant, nor indicative of my interest or engagement as a whole.

Again i greatly appreciate how much support I get, and how many people are interested in my AU and what I have to say, but i want to keep the barrier between myself, my friends, and everyone else. I hope this humbles some of you and I hope you can still enjoy my blog and au as they are, but I want to say here and now that I am someone with their own comfort levels, expectations, and thoughts. I still encourage people to send in asks but I want to set the expectation that I am more likely to answer questions/comments about my au or art, and other asks where I feel like a mutual part of the discussion. But even still I can get rid of asks if I feel like they aren’t needed.

Most of you are cool people who im glad to see in my notes, comment sections, and inboxes, but I also respect people who have some consideration for myself as well. Not everyone knows what and what doesn’t make me uncomfortable which is why I’m saying this now. I hope that everyone here continues to be aware and respectful, and most importantly, patient and understanding.

If you read all of this, thank you.

[walnutcookie]

I'm sorry but for your Gen2 au (which is very silly might I add, pls make more for me to feast upon /silly) all I can imagine is the OG's pulling up and everyone being in utter shock as the toon people from 20 yrs ago most likely assumed to be fucking dead just showing up randomly. I feel as though this would be terrifying for the employees and saddening to the old toons who just randomly found out they were not only abandoned but fuckin replaced bro </3 Erm anyways, sorry for my dumb little ramble in ur inbox </3 -🎩⭐

GAVAJSVJSA THIS IS TRUE. Honestly though for one i dont think that the employees would notice immediately...

kind of a scuffed explanation, i may scrap it because its a bit of a stretch (to me at least) but heres the thing: the new toons arent made of real ichor, BUT for now im going to say that gardenview still wanted to continue pulling ichor from underground and also from their old facility in hopes that they can slowly build up their supply and recreate their success one day. the gen2 toons are made of false ichor which is highly inefficient (more on that in another post) so they dont use it for the toons i think theyre just stockpiling it

HOWEVER since the old facility is flooded with the stuff and thats where they were getting ichor to begin with they made a reaaaally long tunnel (since they had to distance themselves from the original location) from the old gardenview to the new one... Intended just for pipes and some poor unlucky employee whos hired to do routine matenince on said pipes. a few golf carts on both ends to speed things up and extras in case any of them broke down so that employees wouldnt get trapped in there and have to walk. Almost everything was done underground around the facility itself since they wanted to minimize all risk of more people getting killed by the gen1 toons who were still all twisted,, the few enterances they had to make into the building were done very carefully, disguised with the surroundings, and locked so that no twisted would get through.

When they did finally get un-twisted (AGH again i will elaborate in another post because i have ideas on this now) the gen1 toons had their minds cleared and thus they realized that some parts of the facility looked a little fishy and wound up finding the enterances to the new gardenview. Split everyone up on a few golf carts, one person holding the wheel and one on the pedal because theyre short with everyone else clinging on for dear life and theyre OUTTA THERE!!!

If they were to be spotted by the company at any point, theyd be killed. If they even knew the gen1 toons were ALIVE itd be dangerous. the gen1 toons dont know this as theyre escaping ofc but i needed to find a way where they wouldnt get immediately screwed because a crowd of 20 brightly colored cartoon characters walking through new york isnt exactly discreet LOL

ANYWAYS all thats to say once they finally get to the new facility, yes, the gen2 toons are shocked, but they didnt even know they werent the first ones (except maybe watson because hes a nosy little bugger but even then its probably just something he heard briefly mentioned and it never got elaborated upon). They all still realized "Oh Shit if we dont do anything gardenviews gonna fucking kill them" so they did their best to help the gen1ers hide from the employees GVDLFNGLG

There was once or twice where an employee caught one of the gen1 toons but also the company spent WAY too much time and money keeping that whole incident under wraps and trying to wipe the entire old facility's existence off the face of the planet sooo a lot of the employees dont even recognize the toons. Weren't born in that generation or just never heard of them. they just see this funny looking fish bowl and think "huh when did they make another one"

that almost hurts even more though </3 not only were they replaced but they werent missed. Nobody is remembering them fondly, wondering where they are, worrying for them, wishing they were back... theyve just been replaced with all these seemingly perfect toons and they almost died 20 times each just to see that theres new people living their lives and living them Better

TYSM ANON!!!! <333 Never worry about rambling in my askbox i enjoy it X] (especially when its about my own au. yknow GBXKFBFK)

[ganondoodle]

Not gonna lie, the "It looks like a Divine Circle but is actually just hundreds of years of superstition & propaganda"-Concept is the coolest fucking thing I didn't know I needed until ten minutes ago. It's a super cool inversion of the classic trope, opens up a million possibilities for stories and arcs and on top of that, in game, you would obviously not know about it form the beginning but slowly have to collect clues and hints that things are not quite as everyone tells you.

So yeah, very cool concept!

Not directly related, but it's probably no surprise that my favorite Ganondorf line is the "I coveted that Wind"-line from the finale of Wind Waker. He doesn't even go into detail, cause he doesn't have to, this line alone instantly humanizes him. Like, its the end of the game, we are about to fight him, there is no way this will not end in a fight, and yet, at that point, that line, just goes so fucking hard. Because you instantly know what he's talking about, that he simply wanted a future for his people, which, you know, is a very human thing to do. It wont stop us from fighting him here and now, way too much has happened for that, but it reminds us, the audience, that he has motives and reasons and thoughts and is an actual character.

So yeah, in case it's not obvious yet, I too despise the extremely flat "I'm evil because evil, waaaaaaaaagh!" Ganondorf from TOTK. Why even include him if you cant be arsed to actually write him?

Anyways, last thing, I'll have to somewhat disagree on the Gameplay vs Story thing, at least partially because I work in the field and have had experiences with this problem myself. Not saying its impossible to have both, but its a lot more difficult than one would expect.

Towards your point, yes a good story can pull people through a game, but so can strong gameplay. Take the Doom games, I dont really care about their story, but the gameplay is great. On the other hand, the gameplay of the average Telltale game would be incredibly boring without the story behind it. There are hybrids, but even they tend to lean one way or the other: The Assassins Creed or Uncharted Series have solid and fun gameplay, but would probably get repetitive or boring if we didn't have strong characters and stories that keep us interested. And all of that is before you consider that there are different player types that gravitate to one or the other and it gets even more complicated. (There's more to this but I my thoughts on the topic could easily be a full bachelors Thesis, so I'll stop here.)

I should add that I dont think that the gameplay over story (or vice versa) argument can or should be used to defend games or design choices. Yes, Nintendo does prefer to focus on Gameplay over Story. Does that mean we shouldn't expect a good story, or are not allowed to criticize a bad one in their games? Hell no! (And if my previous ask sounded like I was doing that, I apologize, that was NOT what I meant to say! I'll happily critique all of TOTKs flaws, both in gameplay & story, otherwise how can we learn from it?)

This argument can be used to understand and analyze or interpret design decisions but it shouldn't ever be used to defend them. Just like the "just for kids" argument, by using such arguments, the person in question basically admits that they are aware of the weaknesses and faults in their story/game/whatever but didn't fix or improve them. So yeah, I do agree with you on that front 100%, hiding behind such arguments is a problem.

Anyway, sorry for leaving another wall of text in your inbox, hope you're having a nice day!

thank you! that 'cycle' concept is also what destiny (zelda comic) is based on, since it takes place before skyward sword you get to see the set up for it, and, in this story, the gods have been trying to achieve it countless times, throughout the story of it its supposed to slowly be revealed- like demise already knowing some parts since hes yet another 'failed' version of that plan (im reusing that concept for the totk rewrite as well bc i am very original wahoo)

oh you work in that field! thats cool!! yeah my opinion on this sort of thing is very much a thing i formed bc i play games, though i still dream of gamedev, i guess i understood your mention of it a little too much into the dismissive argument way (though not as an attack) and its been repeated so so many times i cant help but get a little >_> at it; the point i was trying to make was more like ... they need to find a balance with it, like you can make it all about gameplay, but then dont pretend you have the most epicest story that ever storied, maybe even do it less or more subtle, like the fromsoft game i feel like are very well balanced in that regard, bc their lore and story is very neat and intertwined, but you have to look and think to get it, and the gameplay is strong on its own so much so that it kinda ends up being both soemthing for people that dont care about lore and those that do, more than about the gameplay

zelda feels like it doesnt quite know what to do (even moreso modern zelda), bc they prioritize the gameplay but then still put in a story that they want understood .. so its like, babiefied? like there is a "simple" story and its few points are repeated into your face over and over and over so the people that dont care to read into soemthing GET IT but also annoy them, bc they dont care anyway, and the people who care about lore/story above gameplay are bored bc the narrative isnt engaging enough and they dont care as much about the gameplay

especially so with totk i think, its so weird, botw wasnt like that imo, it wasnt overly complicated either but at least it left you wondering, and let you think, the more you thought about the more interesting it was (at least to me) totk feels like the opposite, it doesnt want you to think, bc the more you think about it the more it falls apart and makes less sense

like theres types of games that focus HARD on one or the other (like slay the princess for example, its like an interactive audio book, there isnt much gameplay but it goes hard on narrative), so obviously the balance of gameplay and story isnt applicable to every game, but for zelda in particular they say they are one but then still want the other part just as much? like the lore in skyward sword isnt great, the characters are strong though, the gameplay isnt that engaging (to me, since that needs to be said) i got through it mostly just bc i wanted to see what comes next and liked the characters, in botw the freedom and world and gameplay were like nothign i ever experienced, exploring was addictive and the story took a bit of a backseat, but it was fitting for the game and lend itself so well to theorize, in totk they .. idk what the focus was, the .. glue? the toys to glue together? nothing fits together there and each part works against another instead of together, somehow, its so weird to me

the thing is, if you do gameplay over story, you need to roll with it? if thats what it is then let the story take a backseat, make it subtle and in the background or vague, dont stuff the game full of unskippable cutscenes where a character you dont care about explains you a thing you already figured out through the gameplay; like the zelda dragon point, let the design of the dragon and its music, what its carrying speak for itself, the way the deku tree is weirded out by the sword moving, maybe a quick subtle voice line once you get the sword fading away like the last parts of her soul being whispered away- but dont mention it in one of the first cutscenes, fail to bury it in 'thats illegal though and irreversible so nono dont you do it' (why mention it then huh) allude to it multiple times, and then just straight up show it (i get people like the scene but man, it would have been way cooler to figure it out yourself)

same goes for the fake zelda thing, the weird way she said the bloodmoon text already alluded to it, have her show up here and there but vanish before you (no "omg thats zelda omg what is she dooooing") , or go even harder and make her an NPC standing around the world interacting with you all nromally but animals react weirldy to her- make the midfight against her (maybe even that she isnt talking so you are unsure if its actually her but controlled by sth else, or talk all normally while literally going for your throat) and then have her dissolve into goop and woa the bloodmoon thing is without her now the zelda you have been talking to has been fake the whole time, its creepy!! leave out the stupid cutscenes of showing it multiple times!! stop monologing at me!!

ppl that dont care about it can go and do a fight and i can think about it! everyone wins yahoo!

(actually ... if you leave out all the cutscenes in totk i feel like it improves the game by alot ...)

(what my point in the previous thing was in the end that you can repeat the same old trope only so many times without changing anything before it gets boring as hell, like what you said here, and the series seems to really be setting itself on fire bc it just wants to do the trope of old so badly and at some point its gonna drag down even the best of gameplays like gameplay over story means (to me) gameplay is prioritized so whatever narrative there is is in the background, subtle and not overtly in your face with big cutscenes etc- but what i feel like its often supposed to mean is "its fine if theres a shitty story that makes no sense pasted on top bc they prioritize gameplay so stop complaining" like to me what it should mean is more gameplay, less story, a measure of quantity not of quality, but what i feel like it often means is better gameplay, bad story, a measure of quality, not quantity )

maybe my problem lies elsewhere and im just projecting it on gameplay > story, that could very much be the case, i could have a fundamental missunderstanding about this here, im still just a guy with opinions in the end and got no knowledge about anything other than i play games sometimes and these are the things i like and dislike and would do differently *puts my head in my hands*

idk if im making sense, im usually not very good at explaining how i feel or think :/ (or i THINK im bad at it, autism be damned)

(sorry this got so long again ......................)

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

hello! I really liked your character analysis, especially Hobie and the interactions with Diane (she´s very groovy and beautiful n.n) so, I wanted to ask you if you think Hobie could make good friends with someone with a symbiote and the symbiote itself, my spidersona (symbiotesona?) is one of those. I know there´s some story between Hobie and symbiotes in his universe but I couldn't find the comics where it is explained.

You're amazing and keep going!

Oh absolutely!

Especially for Hobie - He has a symbiote dog!

Hobie is accepting of everyone (he's the best I love him) even symbiotes!!

In his universe, V.E.N.O.M was used in his universe as a weapon for President Osborn's police force - but I think Hobie would see the underlying greed and cruelty of the cops as the problem, and not the symbiote.

If anything I think he'd really respect your sona -

Cause that takes a lot of mental fortitude, and moral and strength in general so he'd be like 'That's fucking metal.'

If there's side effects, or conflict between your sona and the symbiote - I think he'd always want to help, and would like, speak to them as separate people lol

He knows that sharing the same body doesn't make them the same person, and that your sona was full person before the symbiote, so he would see them as a Duo - like two partners in crime.

He'd be really careful about his music playing and volume cause he wouldn't want to hurt your sona, so he would always give a heads-up.

Diane would be SO interested - and she'd probably have to think about SO MUCH, get prepared for a lot of questions!

Diane is pretty clever - but a little naive, so she'd be solidly in the 'All Aliens Come in Peace.' Star Trek started in 1966 - so Diane basically grew up with it around.

A symbiote is something alien, so it can't be murderous and evil - even if it eats people. It's not from here!! Don't be mean to them!!!

If your symbiote eats people, or needs meat, Diane would..honestly not be that freaked out. She'd have to think about it.

"So, Do you eat people on your planet?"

"Well, I guess that's not too bad. I mean..some people have a pet pig, some people eat pig, some do both. So it's like..the same, right? Not that you see humans as pets, you know -"

If humans can not snap and eat their pets and stuff, maybe this symbiote knows food from friends like them! If anything, Diane would be upset if people rushed to judge your sona OR the symbiote.

Her defense : "They didn't ask to come to this planet!" or Hobie's favorite -

"Why are you shaming them! They're not the only immoral ones. There is no ethical consumption under capitalism!!"

Hobie knows she is just repeating something she heard him say one time - and that is NOT what that phrase means, but he thinks its funny, so he lets her say it.

The three (four - actually) could have so much fun!

Hobie would probably get them hearing protectors so they can hang out backstage without getting hurt.

And y'all can deck it out with cool stickers and punk marker graffiti!

And although beef and stuff probably doesn't compare, Diane would still try making stuff like beef tartare, koi soi, or other raw meat dishes, just to see if they like 'em!

She LOVES sushi, so sashimi is a must to try - She'd want everyone to feel included at the potluck - it's only right, nobody leaves hungry!!!!

[Also thank you so much for the sweet words!!! I know I take literally forever to go through my inbox (it takes me very very long and im gonna point at adhd) but these things really brighten my day and give me the inspiration to keep sharing. It means a lot, thank you!!]

[pines4thetwin]

Aaaahhhhh as someone who has had soul eater brainrot since childhood and is not recently getting into stancest- i need ur recent post injected straight into my bloodstream!!! Ugh if i may ramble a bit in ur inbox- the last bit being twin weapons and the betrayal that ford never transformed for him is so Tasty but also the angst of possible drifter stan era transforming for strangers for ~unsavory~ jobs meisters would rather not use their actual weapon for to make quick cash and stan hating every moment someone else's hands use him. But he's a charmer! A conman! He can resonate lightly with just about anyone but its always shallow and it never feels right for him always matching someone else's wavelength AND Then finding ford with Another weapon?? that he made a death scythe?? Ooohhh the angst

feel free to ramble in my inbox whenever

ahhh dont make me sobbbb. this one gets just a bit angsty

just gonna take this and say: liz and patty but if liz was alone (cause i think she definitely relied on patty as her rock and her light and stan would be a bit more like her imo) and didnt have patty to switch of with between wielding each other.

the ides of him selling himself as a weapon for hire basically to help with shitty and unsavory jobs??? *sobs on the floor* like yeah hes used to bending to the will of others so matching someone elses wavelength, even if its just enough to get the job done??? But he can do it even if he hates every second of it. i just know that left a mark on his soul!!!

i feel like even after he goes back to being partnered with Ford that theres always that moment after transforming, where his soul would recoil from the feeling of anothers just from those years of being a drifter. like he'd have to remind himself whose hands he's in because he used to let himself pass through so many (im sorryyyy) and itd take awhile for him to even get comfortable speaking to ford in his weapon form because with anyone else he would always just stay silent ahhhhhhh

also i think they'd have trouble with resonating. Ford would try to have them on the wavelenth that they had before but stan has changed so much since then (they both have) and that with the interference of blood (infected from fidds) i just think itd be a tough thing for them to settle back into.

i also think itd be cool to imagine them overcome with insanity (like that one scene with maka and crona fighting.)

i think maybe when they first gained the ability to transform fully that maybe stan and ford would switch off but at some point (with stans need to be useful and his devotion to ford) things change and stans always the one transforming. that isnt to say ford isnt devoted to stan also but thats a whole other conversation.

stan definitely lays up at night thinking about the fact that ford made someone other then him into a death scyth and once they reconcile he definitely throws that around when they argue (playfully >.<)

ooh imagine the first time stan feels ford matching his wavelength and letting stan lead instead of stan having to adjust himself to match ford like usual. i just know that would be one of the best feelings for him.

am i going off topic? i just have so many thoughts about this au!!!!

thanks for the askkk

(i meant to post this yesterday idk how i forgot)

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

MAC HI don't mind me i just finished the genloss founders cut and im putting my ful lreview in ur inbox bc u said u weren't gonna watch it i think but i want 2 share my thoughts with someone who will not rip me to shreds for criticizing it even slightly <3

OK. I'M NOT GONNA LIE. IT KINDA SLAPPED. maybe i just think it was really good in comparison to the original four hours of streams that dragged on. i honestly thought the original streams of genloss were longer but NO all three streams add up to about four hours???? it just felt so much longer when i originally watched it i guess!!! u can understand why i am sure. but the founders cut was like two and a half and oh my goddddd cutting out a lot of it made such a huge difference. holy shit. like i definitely did get bored and skip through a little bit but honestly i didn't skip through much!! every time i got to a part where i was like "oh fuck not THIS bit that goes on for 30-45 minutes god dammit" it ended up being like maybe ten minutes at most which was SUCH A GODSEND. i am delighted to report that they cut the half hour cooking bit in the first episode down to like 7-8 minutes <3 the best surprise ranboo could have given me tbh. like with the way things were cut down and framed differently i actually laughed at a couple points????? WILD. did not think i would find any genuine comedy here. lowkey there were points that were funny. insane

honestly with the unfunny bits being cut down, it actually let the slightly more serious lore bits shine more, and the payoff for when it got to the third episode felt SO much more deserved. like. the original streams i'd probably give a 3/10 collectively and that's being generous but i would unironically say the founder's cut deserves like a 7/10. maybe a 7.5 if i found it in myself to ignore the bad special effects. (there was still plenty of bad comedy ngl i still don't know why charlie slimecicle's face was superimposed on a towel. that scene was nothing. it was literally nothing. they could have removed it and it would change nothing but they kept it in idk why)

ANYWAY. if they had released genloss like this first maybe i would unironically be a fan of it now. tbh. i would still be making fun of the bad comedy and the horror that was barely horror but i think i would actually be like participating in the fandom a lil and i would probably find it in me to find some charm in the bad special effects. all in all Not Bad!! not good, but not like actively bad. ofc im still running on the adrenaline of the ending because episode 3 was objectively the best out of them all so maybe my perception is skewed but. kinda decent. 7/10 👍 anyway i hope ur havin a good day i hope to finish pd season one soon over the next couple days!!!!!

taking the cowards route and putting my thoughts under the cut bc a lot of my mutuals these days really enjoy genloss and i don't want them to be mad at me

(genloss crit/neg/whatever under the cut)

dude this makes me so unironically sad . why the FUCK was genloss what it was the first time around when this was obviously the better route to go from the very beginning. I am still staunchly in my "I don't like genloss" position but. I DID WATCH IT. i sat through ALL of the original streams and it was so miserable for me. im not going 2 watxh the directors cut or whatever bc i dont hate myself enough to sit through all of that again but i trust your opinion!! if only it would've been planned out thought out prerecorded videos from the start I also probably would not hate it as much as I do!!! maybe I even would've liked it !!! (<< not likely bc i do have Other Issues with it than just the fact that it was too long too unfunny too unfocused etc whatever im getting into hater territory sorry. always welcome 2 genloss fans to try to explain to my why its Good Actually so i can recommend them actual horror media)

like . the streams added absolutely NOTHING to it other than that final choice scene or whatever. and even if they wanted to do that still u know what would've been an awesome smart choice??? prerecord and edit the whole thing and then premiere THAT video on twitch- then when it comes time for the final choice you can still have people vote!! then you can have two separate endings prepared based on which way the vote was swaying. like. its that easy. it would've made the whole experience so much more enjoyable . ughhghghg the fucking wasted potential on HOURS of unfunny badly improvved bits is so devastating

personally I still cant excuse the bad effects considering the amount of times ranboo bragged about the genloss budget like. maybe you should've used your resources better and also if it would've just been prerecorded from the start things wouldn't look as rushed as they did but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what do I know !!

anyway I'm so glad this version was better but for me it will always ALWAYS be tainted by the . misery I felt while watching the streams lmaoooo . I wanted to like genloss so bad. I tried so hard. head in hands !!!!!!!!!!!

[lucyyygg]

Hi. I just want to somehow make catharsis about the whole Chenford break up going on and listen other takes on it.

Maybe Im just a girl going through Mercury Retrograde being delulu not wanting to aknowledge they are over. Having said that:

I just know this is not the end for them. But not for plot reasons that we are all speculating. I mean sure for plot reasons is necesary for Tim to get his shit together before taking the next step with Lucy (Eric said in his interview that Tim loves her and its seen in the lie detector scene and all the Tamara moving out storyline that has been going since last season they are sure heading to moving together). Also sure Lucy has suffered many things and is interesting to see her next steps.

But I just know this is for marketing reasons. They need the show to be renewed for another season and a massive cliffhanger like this one when there's a 3 weeks break between episodes where they know people will be engaged on it is a good way on getting that renewal.

They know people still watching the show because Chenford. They have stated they are endgame. But they are producers and writers and plan things ahead in order to keep the show going. Is just trust the process and the fact that they work on this and know what they are doing. I have seen many shows (most of them from ABC) to know they give the fans what they want bc in the end is a product that is sold and know that not doing something your target audience wants equals not product to be sold.

Also, even though Melissa and Eric had said that there are some things coming on Tim and Lucy on the season finale and blah blah blah. They are putting a lot of effort on the breakup promotionally speaking. The interviews released the second the episode finished, the TikToks from Melissa, the whole ice cream promo with letters to the cast about the breakup and they laughing and making jokes (also like the ig account still saying Chenford stan account) is more clear is about making the people engaged and furthermore, making the network renew the show for season 7. They are actors and know they must keep a good relationship with their fans (I mean if you make something that upset your fans then how would you keep getting called to act if you dont have people watching them for you and other actors can), what Im saying Is they are laughing and all of this because they know how it ends and know they end in a place where fans will love it, if not they are basically bullyng us lol.

So long story short: just keeping my peace of mind knowing it is just marketing. By the interviews we know somehow the season finale lets them in a good place, so if season 7 comes maybe we got time to see them making up with more time and development (things this season had been rushed bc the strike, not only here but in most shows) and if there's not season 7 it will end up with Chenford with a sort of an open finale where all points to them giving it another chance in their inmidate future.

Hope i made myself clear. Just wanted to vent haha. And lets chill and cross fingers for season 7 and an Oscar for Melissa and Eric because that break up was so CHEFF KISS like girlll I have felt that pain too.

Hi! So glad to have you vent in my inbox lol!

I know that this isn't forever and I can see why they did it. I hope more people can also think about that as they calm down and as the rest of the season plays out. I'm seeing a lot of negative opinions right now and everyone is entitled to how they feel but the writers aren't dumb, they know what they're doing.

Something like this happening near the end of the season will bring attention to it and hook people in, since they'll wanna watch to see it resolved. Even though that's not gonna happen til season 7 unfortunately.

Also a lot of people criticizing the writers need to realize that the show isn't for them specifically lol. Not targeting anyone but these are commonly used tropes in tv for a reason, they aren't a personal attack. I can think of 10 ships off the top of my head that this happened to. It's a common thing, getting into a relationship that has been anticipated for so long but life gets in the way, so you need to work it out individually, then together happens a lot. And pretty much all of them come out stronger on the other side.

I'm crossing my fingers for season 7! I'm not really worried about cancelation since its rating are pretty good and it's a big streaming hit, but anything can happen unfortunately. Still, I think we're safe lol.

I still haven't rewatched the breakup scene in full because it HURTS. They both killed it but Melissa's face and inflection on her voice makes me wanna curl up and die its so heart wrenching 😭😭.

Thanks for your ask lol I love big, long rants (that sounds sarcastic but I promise it's not)

[dreamsy990]

hey u have ocs? information?llllong post? please if u have like. info on them? or just doodles idk

hi sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a while bc i keep forgetting it exists but uh!!! sure !!!! theres not much interesting stuff here though so im just gonna ramble in whatever order i feel like. unless theyre like a group or something

so copper and omen my wof ocs probably have the least to say? because i dont have any sort of story for them at all. copper is a silkwing with some anxiety issues and omen is her girlfriend who has VERY bad trust issues. not sure how they get together but i think maybe omen couldve helped protect copper from a disaster and thats how they met? which sort of plays into omens main thing, which is that she's a nightwing who was hatched under a bloodmoon. so within wof lore as stated by our lord and savior tui t sutherland, she can see the future, but only disasters. in my head shes kinda a cassandra or goosefeather figure where shes almost always right about her visions unless something is done explicitly to prevent them from coming true, but nobody believes her. idk i have way less for copper than omen but they are a pair and im not allowed to seperate them.

my other significant wof oc is frostbite. does he exist in the same universe as copper and omen? maybe idk. they might have a cool adventure together with some other characters if i ever feel like it. tbh all 3 of these guys were just design practice for me so all story is just kind of random thoughts. anyways so frostbite was actually adapted from an old character from an rp group i was in. originally he was an icewing/nightwing and a weird old man who hides in the woods and definitely does murder. but hes basically a completely different guy now so thats mostly irrelevant. anyways so the half nightwing part became half leafwing (not on purpose i just forgot he wasnt always a leafwing). and i have a very, very rough idea for his story. for context since idk how much you know about wof, icewings have a caste system for aristocrats called circles, numbered 1-7, and your ranking can change based on how much you "embody the ideal qualities of an icewing", so theres a lot of pressure put on icewings to be as perfect as possible. anyways, i think frostbites dad was probably in the first circle when he had an affair with a leafwing. normally that would probably be enough to get him kicked out of the aristocracy entirely, but somehow (probably through a combination of being close to the queen, maybe as an advisor or maybe just an old friend? as well as having been high ranking for his entire life before that) he was allowed to return along with the son he had with that leafwing, but as punishment dropped to the bottom of the seventh circle. and frostbite is that son! cursed to never feel fully like an icewing, and always struggle to make himself seem worthy of being there at all. hes pretty hotheaded (NOT a very icewing trait, as others love to point out) and while he definitely knows hes getting much harsher treatment than others get for no reason other than his leafwing side, hes still trying his best to fit into society. its not exactly going well for him because it feels like no matter how perfect he is, thats always at least a couple steps behind the worst "real" icewing. anyways, something happens, i dont know how, but he manages to get out of the ice kingdom for a bit, and probably goes on an adventure with some friends, and realizes just how fucking stifling that place was. and then he never goes back. idk hes sort of like winter if he had more daddy issues.

ummm. colorux isnt real. ok but actually colorux is a joke oc i share custody of with ridragon. she is a gremlin, gay, british, and a member of organization xiii. shes probably friends with luxord because luxord is also british. thats it.

MY DND GUYS NATHAN AND DUST!! i have a lot more for nathan so. dust is a tabaxi paladin with an oath of devotion. the campaign she was supposed to be part of was a war one, so i wasnt sure how much rp there was gonna be, so i only came up with enough that i would have something to work with if it ever did happen. so that mostly means her personality. shes probably autistic, she struggles to hold a conversation very well, and very much leans towards the stoic side, although she loves collecting shiny things whenever she can and if you get her talking about her collection she can talk for hours. she also has a strong sense of justice (hence the oath of devotion), and will try to do what she thinks is right no matter the cost. thats dust!! fun fact about her she was NOT inspired by dust from dust an elysian tail them both being cat people and paladin equivalents and having similar personalities and the same name. that was actually a complete coincidence which i think is hilarious.

nathan is probably the one i have the most story for!! so backstory about them, i made him up on the spot for a dnd campaign that sort of fizzled out. i had forgotten to make a character sheet so i just found a list of premade ones and boom!! nathan. theyre a drow rogue and i made them specifically to fit as few rogue stereotypes as possible. i like to think he grew up somewhere around upper middle class, with no real reason to get into crime since it's not like he needed anything in particular, but he was a stupid kid with stupid friends and too much time on his hands!! so he and his best friend who does not have a name im so sorry. my brain is saying maurice and i think thats funny so their friend is named maurice now. anyways so nathan and maurice started doing petty crime as a passtime!! they were pretty good at it too, if you asked them. and then something went wrong. i dont know exactly how it would happen, but somewhere along the line in their stupidest crime yet, things went wrong, and nathan panicked, and ran away, leaving maurice all alone to deal with the cops. what happened? nathan doesnt know. but it fucked him up man. its been like 30 years and hes STILL beating himself up about it. he became a lot more cowardly, avoiding risk and running away from things whenever he can, they try to avoid getting attached to people so he doesnt feel bad when he instinctively pushes them in front of danger so he can avoid it, and hes just generally a disaster. also theyre scared of spiders. i love them.

and uhhh that just leaves angie, rea, and charlotte. so for context, my original idea for these guys was a sort of depressing game about accepting the inevitable, but theyve honestly become way more sweet since then so!!!! angie and rea are reapers, and their jobs are to guide the dead to the underworld. and theyre also roommates! but not gay. angie is aroace. rea is probably aspec too now that i think about it. little bit of fun detail about them, angie tends to take jobs where shes guiding assholes, and she loves trying to make their trips as terrifying as possible. shes not good at being empathetic!! rea on the other hand. is terrible at being scary. so she mostly gets jobs with kids, and she goes through as much effort as she can to make sure they're NOT scared. kind of opposites to angie but idk i think theyre cute. anyways, charlotte is not a reaper. shes actually just a little girl, probably 8-10 or so. reas job is to guide her, but when she gets to charlotte, she realizes charlotte's not actually dead. shes on the edge, she could slip over at any time, but shes not dead. rea realizes if she brings charlotte to the underworld there's no chance she'll ever be able to wake up again, but if she doesn't, then maybe charlotte has a chance. so instead, she takes charlotte home with her, to the inbetween. so oops!! surprise child aquisition. personality wise, charlottes probably that sort of sassy little kid. you know the type. she isnt scared of angie in the slightest!! actually, shes not scared of ANYTHING, if you ask her. idk theyre a fun little trio in my head

theres probably someone else im forgetting buut if im forgetting they cant be that important. anyways im not really in a drawing mood rn but i might add art later. but idk my oc tags are literally just #name (oc) so just do that if you wanna find my art of them. i dont draw them much. also i need to redesign some of them. ALSO I DONT HAVE A CHARLOTTE DESIGN FUCK.

[gadriezmannsgirl]

So im the anon who asked when you'll publish again cuz I missed it and I just wanna say sorry im so late but i jus saw ur post. BESTIE i dont even know where to begin. so first im gonna say i just read the new fermin fic and it was INCREDIBLE. SO CUTE. AND I LOVED IT. second, i want to give you my complete understanding. of course im not a writer but it takes very little empathy to understand why a lack of engagement would make you demotivated to write. im so sorry and im sure others here too that we dont give u the appreciation u deserve. for me personally, its the fact that im afraid to come off on anon and comment with my account, but i realize even i can give feedback through anon. whenever you are ready to come back, even sporadically, i will talk to u more here because u deserve to hear what we think of the fics u so cutely write for us to enjoy. let me just tell you for now that i have never found someone that does non smut in such a mature way. i cant even explain what i am thinking so bare with me i hope you get this. often i just want to read reality and what a real relationship with these boys are like. that's the stuff that makes me kick my feet and giggle fr. but you are one of the only ones that can do that in a way which is perfectly descriptive and realistic. your fic with Gavi for the fight after he waves a sandwich in your face??? BBG. i cant believe i never told u how much i loved that detail. of course it was a shit thing for his character to do but that is the kind of stuff that realistically happens in a relationship fight and leads to a silent treatment and argument -> discussion -> solution like in ur fic. i was reading it with my mouth covered like damn she got it JUST RIGHT. i legit read ur fics over and over they are so SO good and SO well crafted. i really feel like i am in these stories. and i know it wasn't your intent so please dont feel bad for your well deserved post to my anon note, but i feel so embarrassed that i never gave u the credit u deserve. please dont look at this anon and let it pressure u into writing again because that is nowhere near my intention. i just want to say take your time, relax and also GET READY. cz im gonna talk to u more and more like i should and all ur followers should. te queremos!!!!!!!!!!! i even learned some slang from ur culture clash fics

Hello dear anon! I hope you're doing great! :) First of all, I'm truly glad you liked the fermín fic and thank you for taking your time to write this lovely message, it means a lot💖

Thank you for also understanding my point of view, I don't really want to come off as rude or ungrateful, that's not my intention and it will never be. It's just really hard to come, write for hours, wanting to do something enjoyable for others and not get any feedback (I know it is not mandatory but it would be very nice for me and I can take constructive criticism to improve in new writings), but it's also something that it's going to the point where I reblog any ask game or tell you guys that I'm bored and wanna chat with any of you and only two or three asks pop up in my inbox (And I don't even know if those two-three asks are from the same person😭🤷🏻‍♀️) however when I post that my requests are open, I can assure you that my inbox can be 0 but once I come back +20 asks are in there and it makes me kinda feel like I'm just here to write. write. write. write and write😭

I also understand you, if I wasn't a writer here I would also go to my favorite writers inbox and tell them my thoughts as anon but like you said you're writing on anon, which means I don't know your account (or anyone who writes on anon) you could be also commenting on my post/reblogging/etc and I wouldn't even know it's you! Either way I respect that🙏🏻and I appreciate the fact you'll be on my inbox more often either if it's to rant about your day, talk about a fic or anything, even if I'm not as active with writing as I used to be, you can still sent me an ask and I will gladly answer you!🌻✨

I try my best to do the fics as realistic as possible, obviously I don't know the guys (sadly😭) but I try my best to imagine how they can be outside the pitch and insert that into a real life couple with ups and downs but gurrrllll you even made me go back and read the sandwich fic 😂lol. Anywho, I'm really glad you like my fics and go back to read them again when I'm away for a bit. Slang🇻🇪 is very chevere, hopefully I get to do once again Latina!reader😌 Once again thank you for your message and once more I don't want to be rude or ungrateful. 💜 yu guys too, hope you're having a great day/evening/night!

[aiyexayen]

helloo!!!!!!!! itse me from ao3 (oh that rhymes!) im a chatterbox as well, i love long comment/reblog chains and generally talking about stuff im passionate for a normal amount, and after reading your reply i had a question that i thought, why not drop into your inbox and ask you (if you want) to share a bit of your process behind writing The Only Place You Wanna Be!!!! my initial question is actually that im wondering whether at any point you were uncomfortable, like, exhaustingly uncomfortable when tackling gx/wkx/zzs as a rarepair. because when i write and im trying to break some mental barriers of my own i oftentimes need to take very long breaks frequently to rest. uve written rare ships before but mentioned in your reply that it stretched u to write this fic, despite becoming passionate along the way. what about the fic challenged you, what is it that was difficult to explore? and what had u be very enthusiastic about? also, when i was reading the fic i kept wondering how u were gonna handle gx/cwn, in what manner u where going to address it (if at all), and i really liked what u settled on, but did u have different ideas for it? do u have ideas for how it might look like when cwn returns home alone? (if u would like to share) im wondering if gx is now firmly in the wenzhou camp or if she might be going to experience her romance with cwn later too? i think that could work really well, because he is her peer and has different views and thoughts about the world and society at large than wenzhou, which i think is still smth gx would/could be drawn to. like, wenzhou are very jaded, they have to relearn how to love and trust etc, and gx in a way has to as well. in canon her cute romance with cwn is a way for her to experience mundane young adulthood. do u think thats smth that could still happen, that would still attract her, and that would fit into the new dynamic of the AU uve written?

hello hello!! i also love talking about things a normal amount so you've come to the right place and i'm so glad you asked. [chin in hands] i would be completely delighted to talk about the only place you wanna be, because it's truly one of my favourite stories i've written thus far.

first--was i exhaustingly uncomfortable at any point writing this fic? i honestly wasn't! it wasn't an 'easy' ship to write, i.e. one i'm very comfortable in the dynamics of and don't have to think overly hard about. but i was not particularly uncomfortable, either (i do know what you mean, though--i've had ships before that have made me uncomfortable and i've had to really sit down and rest between wrestling through my thoughts on it)

hands down the biggest thing i struggled with was the question "what the heck does zhou zishu find so compelling about gu xiang?" not because she's not absolutely charming, but because zhou zishu is not easily charmed.

the wen kexing facet was easy--the way he and gu xiang grew up together and saved each other from the horrors of gui gu puts them in such a state of enmeshment, their bond so full of complex emotional tangles and twists that all i really have to do is tweak the strands and bam! ship.

but zhou zishu and gu xiang? i had to really sit with that facet, turn it over in my mind like a rotisserie chicken, because anytime i've put them in proximity before it's just been this volatile-yet-fond bickering that doesn't really go further, or get them closer. zhou zishu is prickly, and aloof, and only diverted from his self-destructive bent by one wen kexing. and in this au, he already quite contentedly has said wen kexing. what does he need some charming girl for? what has he ever needed a charming girl for?

i thought gu xiang could easily find a whole host of things in zhou zishu to like and admire, many of them not dissimilar to what wen kexing sees in him. but how the heck would they come together? how would it go beyond gu xiang's crush on this super impressive, stupidly beautiful guy?

i took a hard look at my other most favourite ships with zhou zishu (han ying, xie'er, jing beiyuan, ye baiyi, liu qianqiao) and sorted through what things i thought he might care about in a person, outside of "is too stubborn to let him push them away" at least. i realised i really had to face my gu xiang and interrogate her more serious side, ultimately, as much for the sake of figuring out the ship vibe i wanted as for writing her as a compelling pov character. because for a character like gu xiang, a good portion of her seriousness happens outside of her conscious awareness of it. it's all background noise against which the bright flares of her imperiousness shines very distractingly.

but really, she learned from the best; her silliness and her brashness and the whip of her tongue are just another version of wen kexing's smooth flirtations and gently waving fan. she's clumsy and charming while he's elegant and disarming, but aside from him being a thousand times more intentional about it, they're not altogether that different of masks. after all, gu xiang was taught to kill first and ask questions later, no matter who may or may not be innocent. she grew up with the firmly-seated knowledge that she was not human. and even when she was a literal baby, she smiled when she was hurt because to do anything less was to risk being abandoned.

and, most damningly, gu xiang cares. she cares deeply, and thoroughly, and she gets attached even when she shouldn't, even when she knows better. she takes to humanity so beautifully.

and i realised that if i put someone like that into zhou zishu's life, into zhou zishu's once-abandoned home, and let her breathe life into the place, i could make my problem *his* problem and that suited me much better.

it's really two sides of the same coin, what i wrestled with the most to get into shape and what i was enthusiastic about. like with most rare ship challenges, i find it compelling simply to do said wrestling. i enjoy sitting down and hammering out the details of character dynamics--what they find compelling about one another, what draws their eye, how they fall in together, what makes them stay. or not, as the case may be sometimes.

i was excited to dig into the challenge of this ship and this fic, because i knew once i started getting the pieces hewn into shape it would be very satisfying. i was excited to tackle a siji arc au that was a new flavour, and write something really properly from gu xiang's pov that explored her arc of stepping onto the path to the human world through a new angle and from the inside.

i was particularly excited to dig my fingers into her relationship with wen kexing--not even really from the ship perspective (i mean, you've read this story, it's almost not about the shippiness of the ship at all until the very end) but just them.

i have a lot of ideas for someday-fics where gu xiang is more present in the plot and i get to explore her and wen kexing's relationship, in any capacity, more intensely. i have so so so many feelings about the two of them, no matter which hats you want to put on their dynamic. and this fic was really my first larger-scale opportunity to do some of that examining and reveling.

they were just two kids in a world of ghosts, clinging to one another until they could get out. a teenaged boy half-raising a little girl, full of rage and spite and the confidence and inexperience of youth and the wholesale abandonment of humanity, teaching her how to eschew it from an even younger age than himself, teaching her how to be a killer to keep her safe--and then playing games with her behind closed doors, making snowmen for her when she cried, letting himself be silly and warm in spite of everything. they're a master and the maidservant that attends his whims. they're a gui gu guzhu and his right hand that stands ready at attention to keep every secret and enact his plans on the jianghu.

they're so many things--each other's first priority, most trusted person, with the kind of knowing that only comes from years and years. the loyalty. the love. the way wen kexing's plan always made room for getting gu xiang out into the world to live a human life as its ultimate goal, the way he couldn't help but continue to lean on her assistance and keep her close and project his own fears even as he kept trying to push her away into that human life he wanted for her. the way he needs her, the way he tries to push her away anyway and rescue her from the fire that he plans to let consume him. the way he's so proud of her and so terrified of how similar she is to him at the same time. the way she's grown up into a better woman than he could have hoped, not in spite of him but because of him, and the strength she shows in being able to embrace even the parts of them both that built them into who they are, in a way wen kexing has never been able to.

it drives me absolutely banana pancakes sometimes until all i can do is wail and point at them emphatically.

anyway, a fic in which i got to explore gu xiang choosing to stay at her zhuren's side over choosing to follow his orders--letting her desires override her duty, letting one kind of loyalty and one aspect of their dynamic rule over another--in which wen kexing has to gradually come to terms with his plans for her being utterly and completely foiled, come to terms with the fact that she isn't rejecting the human path but instead is absolutely going to keep walking it while dragging him down along it with her, that all his hopes and dreams for her are coming true except with him in the picture. ugh. i'm legitimately going to cry just talking about it lmfao. which is another very good reason this fic happened from gu xiang's pov.

i'm going to put a header here because this has gotten unconscionably long and you also asked about cao weining. so. here we go.

regarding cao weining

i would like to start off by saying he is my precious bean and i love him. but as much as i like cao weining and gu xiang together in canon, they are not otp material for me. i find it quite easy to break them up, largely because they are young and their bond at first is pretty devoid of genuine understanding or deep connection.

cao weining's persistence, a soft mirror to wen kexing's, and his graceful handling of a traumatised ghost, a soft mirror to zhou zishu's, both pay off in the long run. but it's not too hard for me to conceive a world where they didn't.

in this particular au, i think cao weining will always have done much to teach gu xiang about being human, and about what she wants in that regard. and cao weining will always probably be a little bit in love with her, because he strikes me as the kind of person who's a little bit in love with all his friends, and still holds a little bit of a candle for every person he's ever fallen for before since his very first crush.

but one of the things i like most about writing, particularly au's, is the nature of choice, and how the choices we make define us. it's not just that you can become someone different, it's that you are always, constantly becoming someone different. and at every stage of yourself, you look back and the road you took may seem perfectly logical, may seem like of course that's who you were going to become, because you only see the road you've taken to get there. but if you took a different path, if you made a different choice, and then each choice based off that choice, and looked back, wouldn't you feel the same way about that road? that's the way i like to write my au's.

so in this case, gu xiang didn't make that first crucial choice to be with cao weining instead of wen kexing. she didn't dutifully listen to orders, and let him say goodbye. she didn't let that distance from her zhuren, that closeness with cao weining, define her, and she didn't make subsequent choices based off that one, leading her down the road of canon. she didn't keep choosing cao weining--didn't choose to not only be with him but to be like him, to go back for shen shen to save gao xiaolian, to openly confess her desire to be human with him and be the kind of human that she thinks could stand at his side as his partner. still feeling that love, that loyalty, for wen kexing, but allowing love and loyalty to cao weining to grow up alongside it as the months go by.

instead, she chose wen kexing. she chose to follow him and stay close to him, even going against his wishes, against his orders. she chose to get involved in his new life with zhou zishu and zhang chengling, in all their daily intricacies instead. to make zhou zishu living or not into her problem, too. to make their home her home, and then defend it.

i'm being so long-winded about this, my apologies, i just love tracing all these little paths out, because i do so much of this thinking when i'm writing and it never gets said anywhere XD this isn't even really what you asked. but i guess, the conclusion of it is, to this end, no, i didn't really think of any other way their relationship could go at this point than to split here.

cao weining's loyalty to his sect being compromised in favour of staying with gu xiang *at* siji shanzhuang is an interesting concept, but it feels considerably less flexible of a choice than gu xiang's, and ultimately, this fic wasn't about him, so i was content to let him choose his sect first here. he does so reluctantly, but since he has that loyalty to his sect, he can only understand gu xiang's loyalty in turn, and part with that understanding, a little bittersweet but with his optimistic hope to reunite someday in better conditions when all this is over.

and i do fully think that they will reunite. but in that time, they'll have each done an awful lot of growing and changing. you really hit the nail on the head there, that gu xiang's romance with cao weining is a way for her to experience a mundane young adulthood, and take that path to growth together with him.

in a lot of ways, i think she's essentially forfeited the possibility of doing that in this au. it strikes me a bit like an imperial court drama--she had the choice to run away with her young lad, to be a new bride with a new groom, young lovers regarded as such by the narrative and the people around them, given space to indulge in this youth and build their own concept of a household together and grow up into the world at their own pace. and her other choice was to be inducted into a noble lord's household as his second wife, to enter into a space that already has define edges and considerable growth under its belt, and to grow up a bit faster into the responsibilities of her station, with the trade-off of, perhaps, a bit more security.

and sometimes--most of the time--the story is indeed about the young woman running away into freedom and romance. and this story is the alternate path.

by the time gu xiang meets cao weining again, she will practically be the lady of siji shanzhuang--something more than a housekeeper and less than a wife. i don't think she'll have had to grow up too fast for comfort, i mean, have you seen zhou zishu's sheer capacity for mischief? but i do think she'll have transitioned out of the phase of endless possibility that leaving gui gu afforded her, and into a place where she feels more secure in what she wants and who she's becoming. she has a place to belong, and responsibilities to live up to that go beyond the whims of a volatile zhuren.

and in turn, by the time cao weining meets gu xiang, he will have had to face the entirety of the revelation of her ghost-ness without her there as a counterpoint. without even the comfort of having gotten to know her so much better to lean back on to explain his disquiet and doubts. (i actually have a little oneshot i kind of want to write about him running into shen shen in that town, without gu xiang to pull him away)

he'll have faced the rest of the battles to come side by side with his sect, and have needed to find someone else, perhaps even there among his shixiongdi, to lean on. the du xie attack, the perceived betrayal of his shifu. it's a lot. maybe he'll have found some renewed place in his sect through that hardship, without gu xiang there presenting a clear way out. or perhaps he'll choose to leave, but wander alone. he has a lot of choices to make, still, and anything could happen.

but either way, by the time the two of them meet up again, they'll be very different people than they could once have been to one another, even if they're still very much themselves in all the ways that count. if they have any kind of romance, it will necessarily be more grown up.

he is, though, still more gu xiang's peer than either wen kexing or zhou zishu, and i don't think that cao weining has nothing to attract her. i think she definitely has the need for peers that can see eye to eye with her.

wen kexing and zhou zishu ride the generational line between all the horrors of the previous generation's grudges and the potential of the coming generation's healing past them. but for all gu xiang was raised in gui gu and suffered for it, she was also sheltered in a lot of ways by wen kexing. and she has a particular brand of optimism that someone like cao weining (and like gao xiaolian for that matter) can match. and while chengling can match it, too, i have distinctly other plans for him in this au.

i think it would actually be really sweet if gu xiang and cao weining and gao xiaolian end up quite close, once everything is said and done. and if this occasionally involves little trips to see one another in which she spends nearly as much time in bed with one or the other of them as she does at whatever restaurant cao weining has raved about in his letters lately or playing hide-and-seek with gao xiaolian's children, well, who's to say?

as long as she comes back home to wenzhou, how can they mind? they probably get off on rewriting the poetry of marks on her skin to fit the shape of their own lips, the dorks. not like she's any better either, the way she'd learn to taunt them and goad them about it right in front of all the disciples' salads all evening. pff.

anyway. i've been going on for ages and i'm not even going to go back and proofread this because i'm lazy. i hope some of this was entertaining at least, and feel free to reply more! though, as you see, asking questions is dangerous and you never know how long, and redundant, and irrelevant the answers might be XD

[inspotlight]

ok so i know i dont have to like. justify myself for not being super duper online, buuuuut im gonna anyway: i'm still heavily grieving and the last week and a half have had some significant firsts without my nanny, so ive been throwing myself into reading (and even more so, absolutely inhaling audiobooks) so i'm just doing whatever i can at the moment. i have a bunch of stuff drafted and i fully intend on working through it in the next few days & not dropping anything, but if you would like threads dropped or would like new threads or to plot, you're more than welcome to hit me up for any of that. im also spending more time on my fear street multi right now bc i found a bunch of fan made audiobooks of the fear street and point horror books on youtube so im heavily leaning into all of that for spooky season, so if you wanna interact w/ any of those babies, that multi is @shadysideohio. also, we kinda randomly booked a trip to denmark two weeks ago and i leave on the 2nd so im just. really trying to get things queued for while im away. so like. drop me your open starters or some ask memes into the inbox or throw me starters or like my starter call (that i might have actually lost idk) but i feel like ive been Disconnected from neens blog the last week or so and i just wanted to make a post to say that i am still here fully just. also still going through it.

[sunmoonjune]

keyboard warrior returns bc im currently rereading ltm for some healing and overall good vibes and over the days my notes just grew into this mammoth essay so what can we do 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

my shower thought when bug signs soojin is 'dead' is under what context did bug create that sign? ? like why did she need a sign for that 😔 and just in general how does she come up with signs that aren't used often like 'home' bc what i like to imagine is little yun, bug and soojin hidden away in some safe place when they have free time and just holding each others' hands so they can have little language lessons and make up signs and practice them until they remember them pls im going to combust into a billion little hearts

ch 5-6 are some of my fave chapters bc it's such a pivotal point in her relationship w some of hte members in ateez where they see for themselves the amount of trauma that bug has been through but then we also know in reality it's just the tip of the iceberg :((

bug diving to save hwa from the arrow and then hwa doing the same by covering her body with his. YES. SHOW BUG SHE'S WORTH PROTECTING. as much as i hate bug and ateez putting their bodies and lives on the line for each other daMn nothing beats this sort of angsty protectiveness. more pls 🤩🤩

literally got goosebumps when san just so naturally signed promise without realising before letting go of yun's hand. like the fact that it was just instinct for him is so so so cute

i think one of my favourite moments is when bug breaks out of her episode and signs to yun that she's tired, and he reassures her “Sleep, Tiny. I’ve got you now.” not just bc of my brainrot going 💓💓 @ yun calling me bug tiny but the amount of trust she puts into yun to take care of her whilst shes both emotionally and physically at her most vulnerable. and then we get yun carrying bug back to camp like a little baby i SWEAR SIZE DIFFERENCES MOONIE YOU'RE GONNA GIMME WHIPLASH SO BAD ONE DAY I'LL NEVER RECOVER

i love the amount of growth you can see already during bug's first episode with ateez and how GOOD they are for her bc 1) yun was able to break bug out of her episode w/o her needing to experience pain first 2) she's normally non-verbal for days after but she asked joong that very same day if she did good (OFC BUG YOU WERE THE BEST 🫶) 3) literally fell asleep to san's hushed comforts

pls when san was explaining the reason why he calls bug bug and she has the most adorable confused face that san wants to capture - i'm just imagining if ateez had access to a polaroid or some sort of camera with prints bc they would take such the CUTEST photos of each other and i can see them taking so so so many photos of bug (ofc only when she's comfortable with it bc ik she'd initially be so shy and insecure) and there would also be all these candid photos of bug looking at the other members with stars eyes and photos of the members looking at bug with heart eyes. and the reason i say polaroid or prints is bc bug will be all ?? what is this sorcery 🧐?? at first but then she'll come to have this one photo of ot9 that gets all creased and faded bc of how closely she keeps it with her all the time bc it's the most precious thing she owns and she'll literally throw hands before she lets anyone take it away from her 🥺 im so delulu rn im in love with bug

also on the note of bug's name, when san creates a symbol for her i just realised he uses a circle as part of it which i now know is 'home' and if that ain't the cutest thing 😭 idk if that was deliberate on your part but san unknowingly referring to bug as home has got me gOOD

let me send you the rest of my brainrot in a separate ask after i read through the remaining chapters bc wow this got long real fast and i was already trying to keep it short oop hope you're doing well moonie <33

AHHHHH DO YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING!! I'M IN LOVE WITH ALL YOUR ASKS OMG KISS KISS YOU'RE SO SWEET <333

no but the way I saw this long ask and your second one in my inbox and literally had to stop what I was doing and take a few minutes to read because I was SO happy omg :}} these kind of asks make my entire WEEK I swear

please continue to send your mammoth essays I reread them ALL the time cause I love them so much <33

bug already having a sign for the word 'dead' implies something that will be hinted on in the next chapter so I'm glad you've brought it up ;) also yes I think she does come up with signs for things she doesn't use very often because there might have been a time she thought there was a chance she would use them :'(

and YES that is almost exactly how I imagined them making their little language,, sometimes soojin wasn't there (you'll partially see why in the next chapter ;) ) but they kind of had to seclude themselves away from prying eyes in the darkness of night when no one would look for them,, then they kind of just held hands and came up with their little symbols and repeated them until they stuck :") it took over a year or two before they had the widespread vocabulary they have now but they got there <3

chapter five and six were definitely the climb to the tip of the iceberg for sure,, ateez got to see some of her deepest traumas -- but I don't even think we've hit the tip of the iceberg yet ;) bug's past has only been hinted at so far and soon we will see the depth of it

the protectiveness ALWAYS hits for me xD I love it when characters act purely on instinct and that instinct says to PROTECT,, it makes me weak in the knees <3

also san picking up bug's language so naturally and instinctually signing it to his partners is the CUTEST thing <3

yun bringing bug out of the dark even though it's been like a decade since they were together was a HUGE moment for them :"D he was so unsure he'd still have that effect on her but she recognized him instantly <33 also I love the size difference too <3 makes me AASDIOHAF#%#!

I think honestly part of the reason bug opened up so well after her attack was BECAUSE there was no pain to bring her out of it,, she recognized that ateez had no intentions to harm her and it helped her recover just that much more :')

OH MY GOD THE BIT ABOUT THE CAMERA -- I'M IN LITERAL TEARS :"D

they so would take so many pictures of bug if she were comfortable with it and bug ABSOLUTELY would take on of the photos of all of them and carefully keep it folded in one of her pockets or buried in one of her scabbards so it was always with her,, it would get so folded and aged and one day ateez would find it and MELT with joy that she kept it so close to her for so long,, and they would definitely manage to recreate the picture or something so she could have another copy that wasn't so worn down :")

AND she so would NEVER let anyone take that picture from her omg,, feral bug would come out fr xD

hehe bug's name absolutely was deliberate to have the word 'home' in it,, just like joong's <3 san might not have known that yet but it still makes me happy that it's part of her name even if he hadn't known <3

I hope you're doing well too my love <33 thank you so so much for such a beautiful ask omg I love you so much <3