#(also if paul likes me scott will probably also like me. it's gonna be fine)

[magentagalaxies]

22 days until i meet mouth congress in person!!!!

[aj-the-cat]

Lawless

~ Chapter 2 ~ Masterlist

Word Count: 1683

Scorpion's Roost

Solidarity, Texas

(Dedicated to all 100+ followers. Enjoy!)

Undertaker left the saloon that afternoon utterly confused. What whas that cowboy doing? He didn't understand humans, ever since he turned immortal he forgot all about being one. All memories left him except one particular one. Why it stayed, he had no idea. It tormented him.

Eventually his walking led to him being inside the comfort of his funeral parlor. His gathered up thoughts were pushed to the back of his mind as he took off his hat and overcoat. A large black cat met him at the door. It was pudgy, and the look on its face resembled one an irritated human could pull. Its face was also very pudgy, and a shrill meow left its mouth to gain the attention of the tall man.

"I just got home, Paul. Settle down please. It's been a long day." Another shrill meow. "Who cares if I've been drinking?! I'm immortal, it's not gonna hurt me. Now leave me be, I want to be alone." A scoff-like noise came from the cat, then he left, his pudgy paws padding on the floorboard. "Ever since he put himself in a cat, he's been more annoying than ever, I swear." Undertaker told himself.

Sighing, Undertaker pulled off his shoes and threw them somewhere. He'll find them in the morning. His socks, belt, vest and shirt flew off somewhere as well, leaving him in just his slacks. His pale skin glowed in the moonlight from a window, as well as the mysterious patterns on his arms. Intricate demonic designs littered his arms like sleeves, stopping at his shoulders. They appeared the night he turned immortal.

Undertaker staggered a little, the whiskey in his body finally taking effect. His head buzzed. He took slow and steady steps to his bedroom, careful not to bump into any precious coffins he made. Blueprints littered the countertops everywhere, with all sorts of designs for coffins.

His staggering journey took him to his wanted destination and he flopped facedown on his bed, inhaling the scent of his own cologne and a hint of cat. 'Paul must've slept here', He thought.

Deciding not to get up, his mind wandered back to the small cowboy at the bar. He didn't understand humans and their frivolous ways. Always rubbing themselves against each other for pleasure just to end up sad and lonely afterword. Letting out a yawn, he turned himself over to stare at the ceiling, eventually falling asleep from the large amount of whiskey in his body.

*~*

Light snores escaped Undertaker's body. He seemed peaceful, until his occasional twitches turned into thrashes. Fire was all he could see. Orange flames swallowing up a house. Screams. All he could do was watch in horror as the house he grew up in was swallowed by bright flames. "Mother! Father! Kane!" His mouth moved on its own. The screams died down, until all you could hear was the crackling of the fire. Undertaker fell to his knees, helpless. He just watched his parents and brother die in a fire caused by his foolish hand.

A scream left the lips on the undead man and he flew up from his bed. Sweat and tears dripped down his body and cheeks as his breathing staggered. Undertaker gripped his head in his hands and slowed his breathing to a normal rate. He hated falling asleep. This nightmare plagued him.

After calming himself for a few minutes, Undertaker slowly got out of his bed and found his scattered clothes one by one. He placed them in a basket and went back to his bedroom. Paul, the cat, sat on his bed. "I don't need to hear anything from you." Undertaker growled out. The cat just shook his head and jumped off the bed, heading to another part of the parlor. Sighing, Undertaker grabbed clothes from his dresser and a towel and headed to the pond behind the parlor.

He stripped his pants and undergarments and padded into the cool water. The cold temperature didn't bother him. There was a bucket with cleaning supplies at the other side of the pond, but Undertaker didn't bother to grab it for right now. He wanted to relax.

*~*

After sitting in the water for a while, Undertaker decided it was time to wash himself so he moved towards the bucket. He quickly dunked his head underwater to get it wet and grabbed the shampoo, but stopped when he heard voices. 'What the fuck? This is my private pond!', he thought.

The voices grew louder and Undertaker panicked and dipped his head underwater until only his eyes and top of his head could be seen. Who needs to breathe anyways?

The cowboy and his partner appeared from the bushes surrounding the pond, followed by two other guys. They were both big and burly, but the darker haired one was just a bit shoter than the bigger blonde.

"Voila. Found it a couple weeks ago while me n' Scott were running from a sheriff. Been our secret pond since." The bigger of the four said. 'Except this is my pond and I made it myself, dick head.', Undertaker narrowed his eyes. The small cowboy scanned the pond and smiled. "Last one in is a rattlesnakes lover!" He shouted and started stripping.

Undertakers eyed widened. 'No, no no no no!' He watched in horror as the four strangers stripped to their undergarments and jumped into his pond. 'And I thought I would have a good day...' He thought. The cowboy started splashing everybody, getting lots of water on the bank and dirtying up the clean water with dirt and debris.

'That fuckin does it.' Undertaker's eyes became black. The rest of his head emerged from the water, and he focused in on the cowboy from yesterday. 'Want to intrude on my life? Fine.' His horns started to sprout, but the cowboy noticed him.

"Hey! Its the man from the bar yesterday! What are you doing in this pond?" The three other men looked to where the cowboy had pointed out. Undertaker quickly averted his eyes back to green and the horn nubs desappeared. He said nothing.

"Shawn, who's that?" The cowboy's original companion asked. The two other men stayed silent. The cowboy- Shawn -chuckled. "Just some hot guy from the bar yesterday. Surprise seeing you here! How'd you find the pond?" Shawn asked. Undertaker narrowed his eyes. "I live in the building right in front of this pond. I own it." He spat.

Shawn's eyes widened, then narrowed in confusion. "But Kev-"

"GET OUT!" Undertaker yelled. His eyes turned back to black and he stood up fully, exposing his muscular torso and marked arms. Shawn blushed.

A growl started in the throat of Undertaker, and the four outlaws panicked and scrambled over one another to try to get out and away from the demonic man in the pond. They grabbed their stuff and jumped the fence, the taller of the four accidentally knocking over Shawn's original companion in the process.

Undertaker sighed in annoyance, and his eyes slowly turned back to normal. His bath was ruined, the pond probably contaminated, and he just exposed himself to the cowboy from the bar. He mentally slapped himself and finished his washing.

*~*

Grabbing his new clothes and towel, he quickly dried himself and put on black slacks, grey dress shirt and black dress vest. He would ditch the tie and overcoat today, he planned to spend the day inside his parlor working on coffins.

He walked up the path to his parlor, making sure Paul's food bowl was filled, as well as the flower garden not trampled or littered with bugs. The daisy's were nice and fragrent, the roses with beautiful colors, snapdragons at attention, and the peonies-

"What the hell happened to my peonies?!" Undertaker exclaimed. Dirt and flowers were scattered. Boot prints led a trail to the other side of the parlor. "Somebody dug up my peonies..."

Paul stalked up and sat his pudgy body beside Undertaker. His shrill meow didn't faze Undertaker, he was too busy mourning the loss of his flowers and plotting ways to kill the flower murderer.

Undertaker kneeled down and palmed at the dug up soil, finding tiny roots from flowers and scattered petals. "I'm gonna kill whoever did this." He growled. Paul meowed and licked one his paws. Undertaker still didn't bat an eye.

Sighing, he stood back up and walked through the back door of his parlor, Paul hot on his heels. Or however fast a fat cat can keep up with a 6'10 zombie.

Inside, Undertaker threw his dirty clothes and towel in a nearby room and walked to the front doors of his parlor. 'I really don't want to open today but I guess I have to.' He thought as he opened the doors, letting mid-morning light flood his front room.

He looked around, and noticed pink on the ground. He looked, and a bad bouqet of pink peonies messily thrown together sat on the ground. The roots were still intact. Grunting, Undertaker bent down and picked up the bouqet. A messy note was attached.

'Sorry for playing in your pond. I hope these make up a good apology. - Shawn'

"I'm gonna fucking kill him." Undertaker growled. He resisted the urge to hold the flowers close, as he was in broad daylight, but he did when he turned to go back in his parlor. "Of all people, why did HE get invloved in two days worth of my life?!" He thought aloud.

Paul padded up to Undertaker and gave another shrill meow. This time, Undertaker noticed him and rolled his eyes. "No, I don't even know him. He just came up to me in the bar yesterday and tried to fraternize with me." Undertaker replied. Paul meowed harshly. "Shut up! Not like you can do anything, you're just a cat." Paul huffed, and swiped at the mans ankles.

Undertaker pulled his leg up just in time and shooed off his pesky human-like cat. Paul ran off, leaving Undertaker with his peonies and murderous thoughts.

[angelic-holland]

Dirty Shirley // th x fem!reader

request by @barnes-parker :  hey! can i request for a tom holland x reader? reader is part of the mcu cast, and they all went out to eat dinner after filming for endgame. reader just turned legal age (is it 18?) so they drank afterwards, to celebrate her legality. since it’s her first time drinking she went a bit overboard but tom took care of her. fluff pls!

Summary: Basically above ^ 

Okay so I made the reader Scott Lang’s daughter (Cassie) shoutout to the actress who played her in the movie but for the sake of the one shot the reader will be playing her :), reader is turning 21, so she’s a little bit closer to Tom’s age and that is the legal drinking age in the US where they filmed Endgame I also just recently celebrated my birthday and got way too drunk so I made it a little more fluffy than the reader just getting sick from drinking bc those memories yoinks

Warnings: drinking

Word count: 2.5k

“You know what we should do?” Paul asks.

“What?” You laugh as you, Evangeline and him had just wrapped on your small scene at the end of the movie.

“Celebrate! You turned 21 the other day! And didn’t tell us! We can all go out to dinner if you want,” Paul says as you all walk towards your trailers.

“What do you mean by all of us? Like the three of us?”

“Well Tom, Jacob, Chadwick, a few other people are here filming so we can see if they want to come with?” Paul asks, coming to a stop at his trailer.

“Oh, I mean, we don’t have to, that’s, I don’t want to bother them.”

“I’ll see who’s interested,” Paul says, entering his trailer and leaving you and Evangeline to walk towards your own.

“You know, if he was smarter he’d know you have a little crush on Tom.”

You felt yourself blush and stutter, “pssh, no,I, I hardly know him, we’ve met like three times.”

‘Yeah but he’s pretty charming isn’t he?”

“Ugh, I just, don’t want them to feel like they’re forced to come celebrate with me when they don’t know me like at all, you know?”

“But, no matter the size of your role in the movie, you’re still here, you’re still a member of the cast.” “I guess.”

“Just, let’s see what Paul can do okay?”

You nod as you come to a stop at her trailer, she hugs you and you walk the rest of the way to your trailer. You’ve only been here for a few days, just two small scenes to film, it’s been a really great experience so far though.

You decide to wear something really nice, a pretty A-line black dress, the edges adorned with lace. You fix up your hair, curl it a little, keeping the makeup they put on you for the scenes, much better than anything you could do yourself.

You hear a knock on the door as you’re getting your purse together. You open it and are greeted by Paul and Evangeline who both had changed into nice formal clothes.

“You look beautiful birthday girl,” Evangeline says, hugging you.

“Okay, so I was able to get us a spot at a really nice restaurant downtown, our reservation’s in like thirty minutes,” Paul says as you all walk out of the trailer lot towards the parking lot.

“How’d you manage that?” “Pulled a few strings,” he says with a shrug.

“Were you able to uh, invite anyone else?”

He frowns and you know you’re about to be disappointed, no matter how unreasonable it was for all these famous actors to drop everything to hang out with you on your birthday.

“I’m sorry, they’re all pretty busy, but hey, I think we’re a pretty fun bunch,” Paul says, swinging his arm around your shoulder as they reach his car.

****

Paul gives his name at the restaurant and the hostess leads you to the back of the restaurant, towards a private room.

“Wait, what’s the private room for?” You ask, turned towards Paul and Evangeline as the hostess pushes the door open.

“SURPRISE!” you hear a group of people shout and you turnaround, eyes widening as you take in the group of people sitting around the large table.

“Paul, Evangeline, I thought you said, said nobody could make it,” you stutter, blushing a little as they guide you to sit down at the head of the table.

“Yeah well, we lied.”

You shake your head, hoping you’re not blushing too hard as you look around the table, filled with people you’ve met in person before, Tom, Scarlett, Chris Evans, Don, Brie, a few people you’ve never met in person but have wanted to, Jacob, Chadwick, Mark. You were in awe of how they all showed up to your little party.

“I, uhm, thank you guys, for coming, this is uh, pretty cool,” you laugh.

“Of course, wouldn’t want to pass up the opportunity to celebrate someone’s 21st birthday,” Tom speaks up, he’s sitting on one side of you, Evangeline on the other.

“Thanks,” you smile at him, quickly looking away because you know if you look for much longer you could get lost in his smile or his eyes and you don’t want to be any more awkward than you already are.

****

You all had a fun dinner, everyone talking amongst themselves, talking to you, you telling different stories about your time on set and auditioning and joking about the Russo Brothers.

You had thanked everyone, a few of them staying back, saying they wanted to buy you a few drinks for your 21st if you wanted to, which you happily agreed to. You’ve never really drunk before, other than a few sips of your parents wine at dinner or parties. You were sitting at the bar with Tom and Jacob, Evangeline sitting a few seats down, she told you as you were all leaving the private room that she’d be there to take you back to your trailer but she’d let you spend some time with ‘those two cuties’ before you left.

“So, you said you did musical theater before, right?” Jacob asks as you wait for your drinks.

“Yeah, I was in a few shows on Broadway before auditioning for Endgame. I’ve been doing theatre all my life and I thought that acting on TV or in movies might be a fun change of pace.”

“What did you do on Broadway?” Tom asks as the bartender sets down your drinks, Tom called them ‘dirty shirleys’, explaining they were basically just Shirley Temples with vodka. He preferred beer but this was his guilty pleasure drink.

“Uh, I was in a few ensemble casts before I got cast as Wendla in Spring Awakening.”

“Wait, did you play her in 2015?”

“Yes?”

“Holy shit, I saw you, I went to see Spring Awakening then, I stood outside the cast doors like a dork and got pictures with everyone.”

“Sorry, I totally don’t remember you,” you laugh, people did that after every single show and you never remembered their faces.

“No, that’s totally fine I’m sure I was a total nerd but that was such a good show, you were amazing.”

“Thanks,” you blush, taking a sip of your drink. It was really fruity, tasted almost exactly like a Shirley Temple, a little bit of a kick which had to be the vodka.

“So how do you like acting in movies compared to acting in theatre?” Jacob asks.

“I mean, I know you guys probably love doing movies and acting in front of a camera but, gonna be honest, I like theatre more. Maybe because I like the pressure of having to do it perfectly in front of a live audience, I don’t get multiple takes and editing to make everything look perfect. In theatre, that’s on you.”

“Yeah, I mean the process can be so long though, I don’t know, I guess I’m basing it off of my experience with Billy Elliot but that was ages ago and most of it was dance training,” Tom adds.

“Yeah, I mean, the rehearsal process can be lengthy, more so for shows like that that requires a deep knowledge of dance especially ballet and aero, whereas with shows I’ve been in, there’s dancing but it’s mainly typical musical theatre dancing. We’d have rehearsal eight hours a day, every single day a week, 7 days a week for a few months, and then we’d have our show. So I guess it just depends on the show you do, if you’re touring, stuff like that.”

“Sounds like you’re very passionate about theatre.”

“Yeah, I mean I’ve been doing it since I was a little kid, can’t remember a time before I was in a singing lesson or dance class after school.”

The conversation and drinks flow throughout the night, you start to feel a little more comfortable, only getting tense when Tom’s hand touched your shoulder when you made him laugh, leaning in, full body shaking with laughter.

“We should probably head back,” Jacob pipes up and you all agree.

“Mind if we get a ride with you? Ours ditched us,” Tom asks as Evangeline stands up.

“Of course, I’ll go grab the car,” she says, nodding at you.

You stand up, stumbling almost immediately. Tom helps by holding you up, a hand against your waist, the other wrapping around your shoulder.

“That was fun,” you giggle as you all walk towards the exit.

“I think you’re a little drunk,” Jacob laughs as he opens the back door to the car for you.

“Maybe, just a little,” you say as Tom helps you into the car, leaning over you to buckle your seatbelt.

You can’t help but stare at his chest, the very top of it peeking out of his partially unbuttoned shirt. You feel yourself blush as he sits down besides you.

“You okay back there?” Evangeline asks and you nod, rubbing your eyes.

You don’t realize you’re resting your head on Tom’s shoulder until you are parked back at the lot and Evangeline is calling your name.

You sit up, your head spinning a little, “hello.”

“Hi,” Tom laughs, helping you out of the car.

“I think?”

“Yes? What do you think?” He asks as he walks you to your trailer, his hand a warm presence on your waist.

“I think I’m just a little bit drunk,” you giggle.

“I think you’re a little bit more than a little drunk,” Evangeline says, opening your door.

“It was, nice to meet you Jacob,” you say, reaching out your hand to shake his.

He laughs as you fumble for it, eventually shaking it.

Tom helps you into your trailer, sitting you down on your bed as Evangeline gets you some water.

“Wanna know a secret?” you giggle.

“Y/N,” Evangeline says, sitting next to you and you blink, looking between her and Tom.

“Yes?”

“Have some water,” she says, helping you take a few sips.

“It was nice to talk to you, get to know you,” Tom says, backing out of your trailer.

“Oh, yes, you too,” you giggle, waving at him.

“See you around,” he says, so casually as he leaves.

“Did you hear that? He’s gonna see me around.”

“Alright drunky, time to go to bed and make sure you don’t choke on your own tongue.”

You gasp and stare at Evangeline with wide eyes, “that can happen?”

“Yes,” she laughs, shaking her head, “just gotta get you a bucket, make sure you sleep on your side in case you need to throw up.”

**** You wake up the next morning with a raging headache, Evangeline nowhere in sit but a note on your bedside table.

I stayed for a while but you were sound asleep, I checked in a few times during the night but you seemed fine, glad you had a good time with the cast and Tom last night.

Your eyes widened, Tom, what did you say to him? What happened? You remember his hand on your waist, warm and comforting, his laugh, him telling you he’d see you around. You roll over, rubbing your eyes. You’re still wearing your dress from last night so you begrudgingly get up and stumble a little towards your suitcase, pulling out a random t-shirt and sleep shorts, planning on sleeping in, you weren’t going to be called again until the editors have seen the footage of your scene and determine if it was okay for the final cut.

You are situated in your clothes, about to flop back down in your bed when you hear a knock on your trailer door. Figuring it’s Evangeline checking up on you, you make your way over, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes as you fling the door open.

Your eyes widen and cheeks flush when you see who it really is. Tom, who still managed to look hot in a plain black t-shirt and sweatpants.

“Hi,” you say, staring at the bag in his hand.

“Hi, I uh, I remember the first time I got really drunk, didn’t know how to make myself feel better the next day, had the worst hangover, so I figured I’d get you some supplies, help combat it for ya.”

“Oh, uh, thanks? Come in, come in,” you say, stepping aside so he make his way inside.

“My mum taught me one of the best tricks, coconut water. It tastes gross, whatever, but it’s got tons of potassium which you lose when you drink lots of alcohol and it’s not full of preservatives and artificial stuff like sports drinks so even though you could drink those to help, it’s better to drink this,” he says, pulling out the coconut water and placing it on your counter.

“And of course, aspirin, never Tylenol, don’t know why, you just shouldn’t take it,” he says with a shrug, placing a bottle of aspirin next to the coconut water.

“Did you just have all this lying around?”

“Nah just took a quick trip to the drugstore.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” you say, rubbing your arm, confused as to why he cared so much.

“I know, just wanted to make sure you were okay,” he says, “here, take some aspirin with the coconut water,” he opens both and hands them to you.

“Thank you,” you mumble before taking the aspirin.

He laughs at your scrunched up face after you take a sip of the coconut water.

“Yeah it tastes a little weird, I like to pretend I’m on an island on vacation when I drink it, makes it taste a little better.”

You close your eyes, pretending you’re laying on a beach somewhere, a real coconut in your hand. You take another sip, it’s not as bad.

“Kinda works,” you say, placing the drink down and leaning against the counter.

“You should also get some rest, are you slotted to film today?”

“No, gotta wait for the go ahead from the editor’s to either leave or do a few more takes of the scene.”

“Good, good, so get some rest.”

Fuck it, you were going to shoot your shot. Now or never, you’d be gone in the next few weeks anyways.

“Are you filming today?”

“Nah, same as you, we’re in a holding pattern I guess.”

“Guess so,” you shrug.

“Something else, uh, that helps hangovers.”

“What?” You ask, your breathing picking up.

“Uhm, nothing, it’s stupid.”

“No, come on, tell me.”

“Just. sometimes cuddling with someone, makes you feel safe, feel better.”

“Is that an elaborate excuse to cuddle?”

“What? Pssh, no,” Tom says, looking between you and your bed.

“I mean, we both should rest, so, why not do it together?”

“Really?”

“It’s a good thing you’re cute,” you laugh, taking his hand in yours.

You get comfy, both a little too hot to pull the blankets over you so you lie on top of them. You lie your head on his chest, his arm resting over your shoulder.

You both quickly fell asleep, hoping to sleep off the achy feeling and your headaches.

**** Evangeline and Paul go to check on you a little later, she knocks on your door and there’s no answer so she lets herself in.

She stops when she sees you and Tom curled up on your bed, sound asleep. She closes the door gently and turns to Paul, “you owe me 10 bucks.”

[highlyintelligentmoss]

Would I Bang This Keanu Reeves Character?: An In-depth Study

Ted "Theodore" Logan (Bill & Ted [no, not while he's in high school, don't @ me]): I feel like he's Teachable, u know? and what he might lack in technique he makes up for in enthusiasm. also, gets pegged. we'd have a good time. 8/10, would bang.

Scott Favor (My Own Private Idaho): only if I wasn't paying for it. 9/10, would bang.

Jack Traven (Speed): I mean, yeah, look at him. lots of points in his favor (beautiful, extremely competent) but also he's a cop and I don't think I should reward that behavior?? ultimately, 7.3/10, would bang. would also settle for him crouching next to me in the middle of a stressful situation and calmly reassuring me that I'm doing good and we're gonna be fine, occasionally using the edge of his shirt to dab my forehead with surprising tenderness.

Johnny Utah (Point Break): not even a question. any time of day, any day of the week. again, it's a testament to how ethereally fucking stupid hot he is that I'm willing to overlook the law-enforcement thing. and he's into short mouthy chicks so I've got a chance. adrenaline junkie, always doing the most. 14/10, would bang like a screen door in a hurricane.

Paul Sutton (A Walk in the Clouds): why do I feel like he'd cry afterward? 4/10, might bang, if the circumstances aligned (i.e., if we were fake-married and had to share a bed so as to maintain appearances and eventually gave in to the simmering sexual tension).

Kevin Lomax (the Devil's Advocate): this guy fucks, but like. I don't feel gr8 about the fact that neither sex scene in this movie ends especially well, and that's an understatement. still, he is very hot and rich and I am weak. 5/10, would overlook the accent and daddy issues to bang, probably.

Don John (Much Ado About Nothing): I have not seen this movie but based on the effect just seeing gifs has had on me (chest pains etc.), 12/10, would bang. and it would be like seeing the edge of the universe.

Neo (the Matrix): pre-red pill, maybe — feel like he'd be "we're two ships passing in the night and I'm kind of drunk and lonely and had a shitty day at work and you're also here in this weird goth bar" one night stand material — kind of fun in the moment if ultimately not especially memorable. post-red pill, idk, I don't understand these movies. my adderall's worn off. idk what day it is. I'm tired. but I like his face. 8/10, would bang.

Julian Mercer (Something's Gotta Give): okay. so. I feel there's a decent chance he's one of those "my gf thinks it's weird when I eat out my fleshlight in front of her. is she being misogynist?" types but there's a roughly equal chance he's just an all-around gr8 fuck and would make food afterward and I like those odds. if nothing else, he's very much a Hot Doctor who drank his Respect Women Juice this morning. 8.5/10, would bang.

John Constantine (Constantine): oh, yeah. homeboy has Baggage but he's definitely into some real self-hating "slap me in the face" Don Draper shit and I can get behind that. it's possible that the exertion would literally kill him and that'd put a damper on things but I guess I'm cool with taking that risk if he is, who am I to judge! 9/10, would bang.

John Wick (John Wick): yeah, if I could be assured he'd murder me in the afterglow (that whole "stab, then slowly lower to the floor while maintaining intense eye contact for the duration" move is #romance). sharp dressed man. focus, commitment, sheer will, etc. also he's thick. 10/10, would bang.

Frank (Destination Wedding): probably not, but he likely wouldn't enjoy it either so it's a wash. he is real pretty though. 3/10, might bang, depending on how drunk and miserable we both were.

Tex Johnson (Swedish Dicks): he seems like... intense. also to the best of my knowledge I've never slept with "a full-blown narcissistic sociopath" before, so. that'd be fun, just for the novelty. 10/10, would bang.

Keanu Reeves (Always Be My Maybe): kind of a douchebag, probably the type of dude who thinks he invented cunnilingus, but also #confirmed freak. 9/10, would bang.

Lucas Hill (Siberia): canonically, he's the only character on this list who goes down. 10/10, would bang.

[baldwin-montclair]

Baldwin’s Nightingale (Part 2)

Characters: Baldwin Montclair/OC

Timeframe: Before the S1 Finale, TV Show canon only (haven’t read the books yet)

Summary: (Im)patiently awaiting Baldwin’s return to the city and their ‘date’.

Tag requests: @christi14 @poemfreak306

PART 1

“Michael!” Alisha beamed as the lanky daemon lowered his head to just brush the top of the lounge doorway and dumped his luggage beside his worn chair.

“Ey-oh shortarse!” He drawled in his warm English midlands accent and gave a light ‘oof’ when Alisha launched herself at him in a hug. He chuckled and returned the hug before placing a patrician kiss on the top of her head.

“How was Paris?” Alisha asks as he collapses in his chair.

“No idea since I was in Venice.” He leans back, removing his glasses to rub his weary eyes.

“You okay?” She asks and he gives a nod, closing his eyes.

“Don’t concern yourself with me Poppet, I’m just glad to be home.” He answers but seems to sense her still regarding him with worry.

“Gonna throw a cuppa on? Haven’t had a decent brew in days!” He added.

Deciding to humour him despite the obvious attempt to distract her, she went to the kitchen and began the fiddly process of tea preparation he had taught her. She remembered how he stared in horror the first time she made tea by adding boiled water into mug with a teabag.

Loose leaf, tea strainer, porcelain teapot and teacups.

“How are things at the Philharmonic, running the place yet?” He called from the lounge.

“Just First Chair.” She answered, opting to not mention the confrontation of five days ago.

“That’s my girl!” He answered as she returned with the tea tray, a plate of ‘biscuits’ perched on the edge.

“What’s in Venice?” Alisha prompted.

“An old mucker from Cambridge found an art piece he thought I should take a look at, just rediscovered, still under hush for now.”

“Did you get photos?”

“Okay, what are you not telling me?” He puts down his cup, looking at her over the top of his glasses.

“Nothing, what are you talking about?” She realises how defensively high pitched her voice just became.

“Since when have you been interested in an art slideshow?”

Since I agreed to go on a date with a vampire!

She had the good sense to keep this part quiet.

“Fine, showing an interest out of sheer pity, you got me!” She covers and the smug smirk he flashes confirms she got away with it.

“I‘m well aware of that but since you brought it up...” he goes into his bag and removes his digital camera, handing her the memory card, “into the telly with it, I’m about to explain every colour in detail.”

“You coming?” Alisha shook her head at the smoking area bound cellist.

Post-Show smoke break was traditional but Alisha realised she wasn’t even craving one, despite not having lit up since Baldwin’s directive.

She wasn’t aware vampires had Paul McKenna style hypnotic abilities, given that he himself is a daemon.

“Thanks but, I quit, just the other day.”

“Wow, still though, well done!” Susan gave her a friendly pat on the arm and Alisha realised she hadn’t actually said it out loud yet.

“Thanks, I just-“ she stopped when she noticed Susan’s bemused face, “what?”

Alisha turned to see the company director approach with a bouquet of roses, pinkish peach.

“These would be for you!” Jonathan handed Alisha the bouquet with a teasing smile.

“How come you never give me roses?” Susan challenged.

“Yeah,” Scott, the flutist, chimed in from behind them, “where’s my flowers bro?”

“They’re not from me, although I appreciate your contribution, as I do all of you!”

“Yeah, say it in roses!” Scott yells after him as Alisha locates the small envelope.

“Come on, who are they from?”

“Fifteen Minutes!” Alisha reminds her.

“Huh?”

“You have fifteen minutes before we have to reset for tomorrow night, you should probably go have that smoke break now.”

“Touché!” Susan narrows her eyes on Alisha before breaking into a friendly smile.

“I need some romance!” Susan heads off to the smoking area, Scott following behind.

“I could light your cigarette for you like in an old movie,” he offers, “then we can kiss by shoving our faces together like we’ve never interacted with another human being before.”

“Good old-fashioned Hollywood romance.” Susan adds as the door closes behind the conversation

Alisha cradles the bouquet in her arm in order to open the small envelope with the message.

Can’t make the show tonight, meet me in the foyer tomorrow.

- B

He didn’t waste words.

Tomorrow night it would be, and she found herself wondering how far she was willing to take it.

“Alisha!” Michael’s voice interrupted her considerations, making her very pleased that Baldwin had put off the date by one night so as to not lock horns with her mentor.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were coming!” She smiled.

“I wasn’t, I needed to talk to you! Is he here?”

“Who?” She asked innocently but the serious look on his face told her he knew, especially when he looked over the flowers and plucked the small card from her hand to skim the words.

“Montclair,” he answered abruptly, “is he here?”

“No, as you can read, I’m seeing him tomorrow night!”

“Not happening.”

“Michael, you can’t just-“

“Finish up what you need to do here, I’ll drive you home!”

He left, angrier than she’d ever seen him and she had to wonder just what it would take for such a usual gentle giant to become so furious.

Also, how did he even know?

The night had certainly taken an unwelcome turn but she realised also this was on the cards anyway, she’d just hoped to have it be later.

That option gone, she would just have to face the music, as it were, apologise for the secrecy but be clear in her conviction, a conviction she only just realised she felt. She wanted to see Baldwin again regardless of Michael’s opposition.

She was going on that date!

_______

PART 3

[lieutenant-pride]

i was just thinking about that rant i made about avengers infinity war and how i saw avengers endgame a little while ago, well after it got out of theaters because i wasn’t truly willing to give marvel money for that, and now i just wanna go off the hook about the movie because i can  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i’m not even putting it in a read-more for spoiler purposes so much as putting it in a read-more because it might end up being long, but there are spoilers ahead anyway so for those five people who haven’t seen endgame and do care, be wary

funny thing is, i actually didn’t hate this like i expected to when i heard that time travel was one of its core constructs, but you know what i still don’t think it was worth the hype altogether and here is why

perhaps to make up for the fact that they didn’t kill any of the OG avengers, or for the fact that they probably didn’t need to exist in the first place, the snap apparently killed literally every single member of Hawkeye’s family that is not Clint himself. i guess we need an excuse for him to turn into Ronin, so let’s make his family expendable, why not

this film does us the discourtesy of confirming shuri’s fate as one of the fallen from last movie and the russos will pay dearly for this

the idea of destroying the stones with their own power was already proven a thing in the last movie when wanda did just that with the mind stone (while holding off five other infinity stones and a titan worth of power with one of her hands, by the way) but given the massive shockwave that occurred from THAT stone’s destruction? are you really willing to tell me he snapped again, had half his body disintegrate, and then the glove with all six stones just puffed into smoke?

actually how cool would that have been? that they arrive on the garden planet of whatever and thanos is just a fucking toasty corpse in a crater, and they realize what he had to do for that to happen? now i feel a little cheated

man, i knew from square one when i saw the first few trailers for this film that okoye was gonna get sidelined HARD, and she had maybe one or two spoken lines in the whole film? i get it, there are a lot of characters to go over in this big epic conclusion to the MCU’s biggest property/ies, but they definitely could’ve given the black panther cast a bit more love than this. i think i’m just salty over that bit though

did ronin kill in the comics? was that a thing he did? was he basically clint barton going jason todd for a little while, was that what it was? because please point me in the direction of those books if so

i really, really can’t argue much about the pym particle bits and the quantum realm (was that the one?) because time travel is a lot like nuclear physics when it comes to movies and comics and just works however the writer needs it to work in that situation, whether that refers to the means or the ends. i am glad however that antman gets this much attention as if he’s a legit member of the avengers. you know. like how he was one of the og members in the comics.

you know what i can argue about? how they try to sell their first attempt at time travel anWAIT JUST A MINUTE I FORGOT ABOUT BIG BANNER WHAT IS THIS HOW DID HE EVEN MANAGE THAT SHIT

i guess he had like five years to study and figure out how to make himself hulk on the outside without sacrificing the banner brains, but i’m very curious as to what the purpose is in doing that, since he was having more issues releasing hulk during the previous film and also the fact that he really had zero reason to fuse the two together. like, what threats was banner gonna face? what evildoers did he need hulk work for? if he needed some muscle of his own he could’ve just worked out????

you can also say that was bruce’s character arc during the first film actually, which is fine, but i’d like to note that if it is, then his character arc is resolved completely off-screen

listen, i get it. tony and pepper are a thing that had to happen, according to literally every film before this. i still think pepper deserves better or at least someone who doesn’t cause her as much stress as tony has caused for her. i mean i guess if that boy brings in the money though, do what you gotta  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

we get one scene of ronin at work and i kind of love it? i kinda wish we got to see more of his work, but i get why we don’t. this is like, the best thing that clint has to offer in this film

oh right i almost forgot, that first attempt at time travel with scott “having time moved through him.” cute gag, but this definitely doesn’t fly with scott’s first mingling with time travel and the quantum realm or whatever, and if we’re to assume they mostly repeated what they did during the post-credits scene of antman and the wasp, then why did this even have a risk of happening????

that was a cute gag though, mainly because paul rudd is a treasure

and since i’m discussing the time travel bits: the time travel in this movie is handled fairly well, and it introduces the prospect of timelines diverging rather than just having one singular strand of time flow! great! cool! but this has some bumps here and there in the film for the sake of drama, and this is the first instance:

clint travelling back to see his family for just a split moment of time. this is a moment that toys with rules constructed later, though i think that is a mixed bag and maybe i missed this detail. in every instance after this one, when the cast wants to return to a specific time in the future (their actual timeline and present) they sync up their time gps thing, but in this case? clint has no chance to do that. we don’t cut out a single second of his trip in the past, and i don’t recall him even looking at the time gps ONCE, and yet he can be forcibly pulled back to the present???

this is actually one of the only faults i can think of in the time travel, and they probably actually set that gps ahead of time, so whatever, maybe they actually handled time travel well here???

some o y’all people out here had the audacity to tell me that tony stark was the one who called steve roger’s ass “america’s ass” when it was in fact scott lang, and tony in fact called to question steve’s ass in that scene, and it is YOU i will not forgive for this heinous error

tony actually did nothing wrong in attaining the tesseract; he just got his head smacked in by a surprise hulk coming out of the stairwell

actually this made me remember a thing: couldn’t they have sent someone to grab the tesseract in asgard in case something went wrong in new york? they were right about picking the right year and time to get three infinity stones in new york, but they also managed to pick the right year and time to get two stones in asgard, so why not snatch that up as a failsafe?

thor really fucked over an alternate timeline by grabbing mjolnir from them, huh. cap couldn’t return that shit, after all; they need mjolnir for when we finally get the Mighty Thor. like, good moments between him and his mom, and that whole “i’m still worthy” thing was great, but are we gonna talk about the timeline that got fucked over for that???

so did they not discuss WHY they needed two people going to vormir ahead of time, or what? did nebula not tell them? she totally did, right? like did she not mention WHY gamora didn’t come back with thanos after he got the soul stone? why are they surprised when the mention of a sacrifice comes into play???

apparently only women die in vormir, and usually to advance the character arcs of men. i dunno i wouldn’t be too sore about this hawkeye sacrificing himself

i’ll be honest i don’t care MUCH about black widow but like let’s be real how much was hawkeye giving to the narrative???

also apparently they can’t do anything about getting nat back, which is inherently bullshit by the fact that gamora still exists in the past and you could very easily bring a nat from another timeline without fucking up yours. it’s fine; you had no problem doing that with mjolnir

how did they shrink the entire warship thanos was on exactly, and how long did they take to get that tech right???

what exactly is thanos’ weirdass boomerang blade made of that it can shred a vibranium shield?

anyway so they pay homage to every hero from the past twenty-odd films real quick, and they make the right choice in putting the black panther crew first, but i can’t help but think about how this is all just fanservice

wanda comes in to remind us that thanos ain’t shit without the infinity stones and NEARLY KILLS HIM ON HER OWN so someone explain to me why she doesn’t AFTER she gets back up???? like, can we assume killing thanos would put an end to most of this fight and send the rest of his forces running?

i already mentioned the fanservice level that came with the heroes entering on the scene, right? let’s not forget that the shot of all (minus one) the marvel women coming together is also mostly fanservice with no real meaning and it could’ve been cut from the movie and the narrative would not be too heavily adjusted, just as a reminder that marvel isn’t really treating the women of their properties well on film

thanos got real fucked up after two snaps and banner got fucked up after one snap, and you’re seriously telling me tony - a regular ass human being - lasted long enough to snap at all???

seeing peter and ned reunite with one another (i guess they both got snapped if they’re both still high school students ACTUALLY DID PETER’S WHOLE SCHOOL GET SNAPPED OR WHAT HAPPENED????)

okay but actually, the peter and ned reuniting scene got me much harder than any amount of tony’s death and funeral

seeing the wakanda crew serving up looks during tony’s funeral just reminds me that okoye got maybe two lines in the whole film, t’challa got Maybe One, and shuri got shafted for lines, and that makes me sad

i think Old Cap reuniting with sam on the bench is great and all, and a real good closing to steve’s character, however i have some questions to ask about it, namely how steve ended up in the same timeline after we made ABUNDANTLY CLEAR we were playing by diverging timeline rules, unless what you’re trying to tell me is that there was an Old Steve that just existed in our timeline the whole time and the fact that we never focused on Peggy significantly enough allowed yall to sneak that in

i also have to ask how in god’s name y’all didn’t take note of the man sitting at the bench out by the lake where you were performing your time jumping shenanigans?????

but yeah overall not actually a bad conclusion. tony’s dead, so that’s a plus. we won’t get any more of america’s ass in these films, which is a minus, but it could be worse

[vocalfriespod]

Transcript 10: Down in the Holler

MEGAN: Welcome to the Vocal Fries Podcast, the podcast about linguistic discrimination.

CARRIE: I’m Carrie Gillon

MEGAN: And I’m Megan Figueroa. We have one housekeeping item: another email. It’s our third email. We’re just gonna keep counting. That’s how exciting that is. And it’s from the Ivory Coast. “Hello Carrie and Megan, I was listening to your Freaky Friday episode today and you gave a shout out to the Ivory Coast. So I figured I’d say “hi” and introduce myself as your listener in the Ivory Coast.” Wait. We have more than one, right?

CARRIE: Unless she’s downloading 50 copies of each episode or something, yeah, no, she’s not the only one.

MEGAN: To each their own. If that’s what she’s doing. Back to the email. “You probably looked at your stats and thought ‘huh, that’s weird’.”

CARRIE: Yeah, I did! That’s why I said it!

MEGAN: Yeah. That’s what Carrie did. Ok. “Anyways, I’ve listened to all but your most recent episode now, and I really enjoy them. I found out about you through Lingthusiasm.” Thank you, Lingthusiasm!

CARRIE: Thank you!

MEGAN: “And I’m really glad you have a show about this topic since it’s once I’m passionate about too. Although I usually come at it from a different angle. I’m an English teacher and teacher trainer and linguicism - the term I usually use for linguistic discrimination, although I usually have to include a gloss, since it’s unfortunately not in common use yet - is one of the areas I’m passionate about. Especially how it intersects with race and gender. Within TESOL, Teaching English to Speakers of Other Languages, there are a lot of linguistic discrimination issues that come up, both in the discrimination that English learners face, but also in hiring practices that favor native speakers over non-native English speaking teachers. If you’re looking for new areas to cover for future episodes, the linguicism faced by language learners and language teachers and the role that native speakerism plays in perpetuating standard language ideology seems very much connected to the type of things you talk about on the show. Earlier this year, I actually wrote an article about this. If you’re interested, it’s online here.” And we’ll link to it. “Anyways, I thought I’d say “hi” and let you know I appreciate what you’re doing and enjoying listening from here in the Ivory Coast.” Thank you very much, Riah!

CARRIE: I like how she adds the pronunciation for us.

MEGAN: Yes, like rye bread, I love it.

CARRIE: I love it too. Thank you so much for that.

MEGAN: Yeah, I have to do that with my dog. My dog’s name is Rilo [rye-lo]. But it’s spelled like “real-o”.

CARRIE: Yeah. It could be pronounced either way.

MEGAN: Especially if you’re a Spanish speaker, right? Cuz there’s no ‘I’ sound in Spanish.

CARRIE: Or basically any other European language.

MEGAN: True.

CARRIE: English is the odd one out.

MEGAN: Always.

CARRIE: I also want to point out that Riah’s suggestion was also given to me by one of my former students, Edward. So this is clearly a topic that needs to be discussed. And it’s not just about native vs. non-native, it’s also about which varieties are acceptable and which are not. So you could be, say, an English speaker from India and that would not be the kind of dialect that schools would want probably.

MEGAN: Right.

CARRIE: So: yeah! I do think we should talk about it. It’s on the list!

MEGAN: Isn’t the British accent favorable?

CARRIE: English, North American.

MEGAN: Oh it is?

CARRIE: It depends on the school, depends on location, but there definitely - a lot of schools want American or Canadian teachers over some other varieties.

MEGAN: Well this is definitely something we should talk about, since _I_ have a lot of questions about it. I’m sure other people do too! Cuz I think from Twitter, from what I can tell, we do have a lot of TESOL English teacher-type listeners.

CARRIE: Yeah.

MEGAN: Very exciting. Alright!

CARRIE: And today we’re gonna talk about Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/ or Appalachian /æpəleɪʧn̩/ English and we’re gonna ask our guest how it’s actually pronounced.

MEGAN: Yes. He’s from Appalaycha-lahcha.

CARRIE: This kind of reminds me also of Copenhaygen-hahgen /koʊpn̩heɪgn̩hɑgn̩/ [CG: Copenhagen]. Apparently, everybody pronounces it incorrectly. The way that they mock us for pronouncing it incorrectly is saying Copenhaygen-hahgen /koʊpn̩heɪgn̩hɑgn̩/.

MEGAN: Ohhhh. That’s fun. It’s also like - thinking about Arizona - if you say Prescott /pɹɛskət/ vs. Press-cott /pɹɛskɑt/.

CARRIE: Yes.

MEGAN: If someone says Press-cott /pɹɛskɑt/, you’re like, “oh, where are you from? It’s not Arizona.”

CARRIE: Speaking of that, there was an episode of Crazy Ex-Girlfriend where there was supposed to be a character from Prescott, and he pronounced it like Press-cott /pɹɛskɑt/!

MEGAN: No.

CARRIE: And I was like, “nope! Nope.”

MEGAN: See. Ya gotta get an Arizonan in the room. That’s what that means.

CARRIE: Yeah. Or even just ask.

MEGAN: Yeah!

CARRIE: If it’s just one word, one name, you don’t have to have someone in the room.

MEGAN: That’s true.

CARRIE: But maybe you should make sure that you really know how to pronounce the place names. Cuz place names are the most variable, I would say.

MEGAN: Yes. Don’t think that the easy obvious spelling is actually how you pronounce it. Cuz Prescott is like pretty obvio- it looks like “Scott”. I got you. Alright. I’m going to introduce our guest. Dr. Paul Reed is an Assistant Professor in the Department of Communicative Disorders at the University of Alabama. He researches phonetics and sociophonetics, sociolinguistics, speech perception and language processing and other aspects of Southern and Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/ or Appalachian /æpəleɪʧn̩/ Englishes. We want to ask you, Paul, how do you say that?

PAUL: For us, it’s always Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/.

MEGAN: It’s always Appalachian /æpəlɑʧn̩/.

PAUL: Yeah. Now granted, if you go a little further north, if you go past West Virginia, then you may get some /leʃn̩/ and stuff like that, but it’s a bit of those that - so, growing up, the reason it’s always /lɑʧn̩/ for us - so, during the war on poverty, the Appalachian Volunteers, the AVs, they came into our region and they wanted to help. And so this was usually college students, but they also came with a bit of a “we know how to fix you”. And so a lot of them had /leʃə/. So growing up, it was always a marker of an outsider, usually with a particular view of our region that said /leʃə/. So it’s kinda one of those shibboleths for certain areas of the region, especially in southern Appalachia, where it’s a little bit more - it’s more rural and the poverty was more widespread. It didn’t get so much of the effects of the war on poverty until much later.

MEGAN: Ok so.  Appa-lachia /æpəlɑʧə/.

PAUL: Yes.

MEGAN: Ok.

PAUL: We won’t kick you out or anything.

MEGAN: No, I mean I know. I’m sure it’s - I just do not want to signal that I think any less of anyone. But we’re so grateful for you to be talking with us today.

CARRIE: Yeah, thank you.

MEGAN: Thank you for being here.

PAUL: I’m thrilled to be here, thank you so much.

MEGAN: First off, I can put the two together and figure out what it is, but tell us what sociophonetics is.

PAUL: Sure. Sociophonetics is a branch of sociolinguistics. Sociolinguistics is looking at the intersection of language and social groupings, or language and society. Sociophonetics takes that and it brings it down to a phonetic level. It looks at how different groups of people, people with different identities, people from different areas, how they phonetically manipulate their production. Something as finely grained as how do your vowels change, the slight differences in consonant articulations, and things like that. It’s sort of this same kind of idea, but it’s done in a phonetic level. The only thing that makes it a little harder is - so, sometimes we want to exercise as much control over the stimuli or the recording as someone in a phonetics lab. But we also want the most natural speech possible. You try to use as much control as possible, in a way to - but at the same time, trying to get as natural. You try to move someone to the quietest room in their house, preferably with lots of curtains and carpets, and get away from things like fridges and air conditioners and stuff like that. And you might come up, and you hope for the best. I did have one recording - it’s funny, it’s a 94-year-old participant and she was great. But she was on an oxygen machine. We talked for a long time, but certain things I couldn’t do with her recording because - obviously I can’t ask her to turn that off. But I was able to use the qualitative stuff. It was one of those where I was like, “aw! So close!”

MEGAN: Isn’t it that the problem - well, I mean, not a problem - just like something to overcome a bit for all sociolinguists? The natural vs. are they - what is it called? speaker - when you’re there with them?

PAUL: Observer effect.

MEGAN: Yes. Yes, that.

PAUL: Yeah. That’s sort of an issue for everyone, but if someone - you could just unobtrusively set a recorder down, and people can forget about it. If you’ve miked them up and even if you - some people even put a mic connected to with the little over the ear thing, it’s harder to get them to forget about that, because they’re literally connected to. Although, the one thing - so, in my work, I was able to go back home. I was sitting across from people that knew me, that knew my parents, knew my grandparents. There was a bit of time where people just sort of forgot. Because they were sitting with someone they knew. They were sitting with Little Paul Reed, which, if you guys have ever seen me, that’s kinda a funny misnomer, cuz I’m about 6’8”. So it’s sort of - it’s kinda funny. Cuz everyone from my hometown calls me that, because my dad is Paul too, and he was Big Paul and I’m Little Paul. Even though I haven’t really been little for 20 years.

MEGAN: I’m guessing he’s shorter than you, too, at this point.

PAUL: Yes. He was about 6’4”.

MEGAN: Ok!

PAUL: So he was big, he just didn’t wind up as big as his son did.

CARRIE: You’re like Little John.

PAUL: Exactly. Exactly, yes.

MEGAN: So then would you say then that you speak Appalachian English?

PAUL: Yes. Yeah, I would say that I’m definitely a native speaker.

MEGAN: Ok.

CARRIE: One of the questions I have is: what are the boundaries for Appalachia vs. the rest of the South? And connected to that also is how is the language different from this region vs. the rest?

PAUL: That’s a great question. It’s always one of those that - so there’s the official designation of Appalachia, which is set forth by the Appalachia Regional Commission, a division of the federal government. There’s 410 counties over 13 states, stretching literally from about Jackson, Mississippi all the way up into western New York. People hear that and they’re like, “that’s huge!” But of course when most people think Appalachia, they don’t think all the way from Mississippi to New York. They think usually about - and we call it the core region. The whole state of West Virginia, southwest Virginia, eastern Kentucky, east Tennessee, western North Carolina, and a little bit, a smidge of the other states connecting. Northeast Alabama, north Georgia, maybe a little cut of South Carolina. That’s the core region and where people - that’s where the features are, there are more of them, that’s sort of the core region where people inside and outside the region would say, “that’s definitely Appalachia”. And as far as what differentiates it from the rest of the South, it’s really, honestly, most times, a quantitative rather than qualitative difference. Things like the Southern Vowel Shift, where you have the monophthongization of /i/. So in words like “price”, “pry” and “prize”, you’ll have monophthongization in all of those contexts at a much higher rate than in other areas. In large parts of the South, you’ll only get it in prevoiced and open syllables, so “prize”, “pry”. But in Appalachia, you’ll also get it in prevoiceless conditions, so “price”. And you’ll have it approaching categorical. There’s a lot of individual variation, which is what my work looked at. So that’s one of the features. But also, you have a few grammatical structures that occur more often or in more contexts. Things like double modals. That’s combinations like “might could” and “might should” “may can”.

MEGAN: Love that.

PAUL: You have those all over. “Might could” is pretty widespread. You get that from almost to Arizona all the way to-

MEGAN: I have it yeah.

PAUL: Yeah, all the way to the East Coast. But in Appalachia you have more of them in more conditions. I personally have “might could” “might can” “may can” “may could” “might should” “may should” “will can” “used to could” “used to would” “should oughta” “oughta should” “might should oughta”. And then I can also make questions. Things where - and this is where some of the work I’ve done starts to tease apart the difference between the core area and the periphery. When you make a question, usually you’ll take the second modal and move it. It’ll be like, “mmmm… should you might do this?” That’s the sort of typical way. Some people are just like, “no. That’s terrible. What are you doing, you’ve just butchered the language.” That’s sort of one of the things - being able to - all of the different combinations in a lot of different contexts. In more of them. And able to do things like form questions. Or where you put the negation, cuz you can say “might not should” or “might should not”. “Might couldn’t.” So how much contraction you allow and where you allow the negation to appear is sort of one of the features that starts to distinguish the region. Along with, of course, a lot of lexical items. This is where it gets fun. Because it’s a region with a lot creativity. People do a lot of things that aren’t necessarily completely unusual, but it’s very creative. I remember growing up, people would say things like, “man, he’s he workingest man I ever saw.” And you’ve basically added a superlative to “working”, which is interesting. And of course people can immediately parse what you mean. But it’s not necessarily something you’re gonna produce. And some other lexical items, there’s all sorts of terms for things. I was teaching this a couple of weeks ago to my students. Most of them are from the South, cuz we’re at the University of Alabama. Lot of people are from the South. One of my students is from northeast Alabama. In Appalachia. She said, “Dr. Reed, do you know all the words for ‘moonshine’?” I know some of them. So we started comparing the words we have for “moonshine”. So of course you’ve got “shine”, “moonshine”. This is my personal favorite: “Oh Be Joyful”.

CARRIE: That is great. I’ve never heard that before.

PAUL: So people will say, “you got any Oh Be Joyful?” That’s another one. One other - and this one I didn’t even realize until I was in graduate school. That not everyone uses this. It’s called the “alternative one”. It’s very common to say something like, “yeah, you know, we should probably do that Monday or Tuesday one.” In the sense of “one or the other”, but you put both options and then “one” after it and the interlocutor would understand “oh, you’re giving me a choice here.” But not everybody does that. I remember saying that to a friend of mine and got this blank look of “I don’t think I know what you mean.” There are some features that are not necessarily unique but they’re quantitatively different. There are some that are probably on the border of being qualitatively different, but it’s kinda hard to say because the borders are definitely sort of fuzzy. And the closer you get to the core, that core area that I was talking about, people will have more of them and in more contexts.

MEGAN: So then would you say that non-linguists, or people just listening to a Southern American English speaker and then an Appalachian English speaker, would they be able to tell the difference? Or you have to be more of a trained ear.

PAUL: You can tell the difference, but what you often get is somebody’ll say, “you sound REALLY Southern.” Or “you sound REALLY country.” Or for whatever reason people will also think you’re from Texas. So you get, “are you from Texas?” No. We Tennesseans, we saved Texas. The only reason that they’re - we saved them. When I lived in Texas, I made sure I brought that up as much as possible. Which was probably a faux pas, but it’s alright.

MEGAN: Ok. So their dialect is gonna be different from yours.

PAUL: There’s some - in east Texas, cuz there were a lot of people from the mid-South that went to Texas. East Texas, in and around Houston and a little further north, there were a lot of Tennesseans and eastern Kentuckians and those that went. So there are some similarities. It’s not completely off the wall, but it’s definitely something that’s shifted and morphed, cuz we’re talking about the 1830s and 1840s. There’s been a lot of change. But people will say things like, “you sound REALLY Southern.” That’s usually what you get. It’s not necessarily that they don’t recognize - they recognize there’s a difference, but they don’t really know what that difference is. Sometimes within the South, you may get the “country”. Somebody sounds really country. And that’s what you get a lot. Because in the South as a whole, there’s a big urban/rural divide. A lot of the cities have really grown in the last 50 years. The distinction between urban/rural has grown. You get a lot of that, “you sound really country, are you from the sticks?” or “Are you from the boonies?” That kind of stuff. There’s some notion that it’s not necessarily associated with urban areas. Very rarely does somebody say, “are you from Appalachia?” Usually you’ll get “are you country?” In a lot of people’s minds, it’s kind of the same thing.

CARRIE: Also, mountain folk, right?

PAUL: Yes. You’ll get some mountain folk, but that’s usually from people very close to the region that live and they’ve been able to see that distinction. Even though, for example, where I went to college in Knoxville, Tennessee is considered part of Appalachia, very close by, people would know that “oh you’re from the mountains.” Knoxville’s in the valley, and within Appalachia, the valley and mountain or valley and ridge distinction is pretty salient. As Appalachia was settled, people settled in the valleys first. That was where there was better land, and you had people of a certain means, you could get some land in the bottom land along the rivers and valleys. If you came a little bit later, or if you didn’t have as many resources, you had to get higher and higher, cuz the land was cheaper. And so there’s a distinction. Even to this day, there’s a little bit between the valley and the ridge. My wife is from they valley and she’s not - we grew up maybe 50-60 miles apart. Not very far. But there are certain things that I say that she doesn’t say. Certain idioms and sayings, and sometimes the way that we say things is a little distinct. Which is kinda funny, cuz again, we’re both from east Tennessee, we’re not from that far apart. But there’s definitely some distinctions.

CARRIE: Cool!

PAUL: I mean like anywhere, anywhere has distinctions. But in people’s minds, people are like, “oh, you’re both from east Tennessee, you’re both gonna sound the same.” No, not really.

MEGAN: Do you think people are picking up on the phonology, the lexical items, what is it that they’re picking up on when they say “are you from the boonies?” What is it that they’re picking up on?

PAUL: I think, the times it’s happened to me, it’s usually been a combination. When I’ve said something with my phonology, but it’s a saying or a grammatical structure that they’re not familiar with. Another time when I was in college, one of my teammates, he was - I played basketball - so he needed a ride to the airport. And I said, “sure man, I don’t care at all to take you.” He’s like, “ok, I’ll go with somebody else.” I’m like, “why would you do that? I just told you I’d take you.” “No you didn’t, you said you don’t care to take me.” And I said, “exactly. I don’t care at all. I’d love to take you.” He just gave me this blank look, that doesn’t compute, man. It was one of those - we had sort of a misunderstanding. I thought, with my intonation and facial expression, that he knew that I was gonna take him. Things like that. That’s when he was like, “you country people.” Which was a joke. My teammates would call me the mountain man, or Paul Bunyan. That’s sort of part of that, is it’s literally a joke. But there was something like that. I think a combination of the phonology and something that took a minute, there was a little bit of a miscommunication.

CARRIE: Yeah, I would have interpreted it the same way he did.

MEGAN: Yeah, me too.

PAUL: So if someone is from Appalachia, potentially other parts of the South, “I don’t care to” is not always negative. Especially with a “I don’t care to take you at all!”

CARRIE: That’s interesting. One of the things - one of the reasons we wanted to talk to you is because - whatshisname - JD Vance was back in the news.

PAUL: Yes.

CARRIE: Do you have any feelings towards his work?

PAUL: I have lots of feelings about JD Vance. Some of them will probably need to be edited slightly. No, I'm just kidding.

CARRIE: You can swear if you want. We swear on this.

MEGAN: We have an explicit rating.

PAUL: JD Vance is, he’s full of what makes the grass grow green in lots of ways. Because the main thing is is that if his autobiography were his own story, the story of a child from a broken home that got access to education, had some people that mentored him, and made good. He was able to attend some fine colleges and he did well for himself. If that were his book, then it would be great. But the fact that first and foremost, a 30 year old is writing an autobiography - and not an autobiography. He’s writing an elegy for an entire region. And a region, he didn’t grow up in. He’s from Ohio. He grew up in Ohio. He spent summers and he spent time back in Kentucky, but he did not grow up in the region. And trying to put his experiences, and the experiences of his mother, with all of her demons and all of her issues, as somehow indicative of an entire region - even if you’re looking at just the core region, you’re talking about 6 states. Millions of people. And basically saying, “hey, this is what they’re all like. They’re all fighting, and they’re all violent, and they’re all drug addicts.” That part is infuriating. Because that is the same trope that’s been going on for 150 years. In the period after the civil war, there was this kind of literature called Local Color. It was journalists from urban areas, like Baltimore and DC and other places, and they wanted to write about interesting places around the country. And because Appalachia wasn’t that far away, they would go, and they would seek out the people who were the most different. And so of course, it’s looking at people who were impoverished, people that were barely scraping by. They would write stories about them. And those stories would be very the same thing, how some people make good, some people are able to escape. But it’s the culture of poverty, it’s the culture of deprivation, it’s the culture of this. And that’s painting this brush. And even though people just up the holler from them are completely different, their reality is completely different, they paint everyone with the same brush. Some of these stories sold like wildfire. Because they were in Harper’s, they were in the Atlantic, and other things, so these magazines that we still have to this day, but they sold. It’s literally the exact same trope of it wasn’t drugs, it wasn’t opioids back then, but it was the moonshiners, and the impoverishment. Because they were Scotch-Irish, they liked to fight, cuz they were all clannish. And it’s stuff of just like - this is like a zombie trope. We just need to slay it and let it die. But it just won’t. That’s my biggest issue. Again, his story is incredible. What he faced and the way he was able to overcome it was very inspiring. But when you try to say that the way that you grew up is the way that everyone grows up and the demons that your parents, and his mother faced, are the same demons that everyone faces, that’s where it gets annoying. And then also the fact that he footnoted his own autobiography. You don’t footnote an autobiography. You’re not pointing out research when it’s about your own life. That’s the thing that’s irritating. And then the fact that he’s somehow become the voice of the region. And there are scholars that have been working in the region and are from the region that have been writing for 50 years, people like Dwight Billings at Kentucky, and people like Anita Puckett at Virginia Tech, Mimi Pickering at Appalshop. There’s just so many people that have written and told a story and a nuanced story and a complicated and complex story. But that doesn’t sell as much. And it’s - no one likes to hear “hey, it’s so difficult because you’ve got extractive industries, you’ve got poverty, you’ve got rampant capitalism.” And then you’ve got other things that - frankly the fact that JD Vance has become our voice just pisses most of us off. In a way that is - so I’m a member of the Appalachian Studies Association and I think he’s been invited at least twice now and has yet to appear. I don’t know if it’s just that he - if it’s one of those - he just can’t fit it into his busy schedule. Strangely enough he’s still able to be on other networks and stuff. But anyway. JD Vance is - he’s not - he’s irritating.

MEGAN: These tropes that he’s reinforcing, it wasn’t just - they were persisting before him. If feels just kinda like - he’s bringing it into a national spotlight even more. Is that true?

PAUL: Yeah.

MEGEAN: Ok.

CARRIE: And it’s keeping it - it’s still perpetuating now. Everyone goes and interviews all these Trump supporters from the particular region and it’s all the same kind of - or at least intersecting tropes. It just keeps happening.

PAUL: Yes.

MEGAN: Right.

PAUL: And again, people in certain parts of Appalachia, their lives haven’t changed in 50 years. They’re worse off than their grandparents were. Or on par. Because of stagnant wages and with the decline of coal and the decline of timbering and things like that, certain industries are dying. And it IS sad. But at the same time, that’s not everybody. Some of the stories and the way that they’re written are so patronizing. That’s the thing that’s irritating. It’s like, “oh, we’re gonna go find some of the towns in West Virginia that have been decimated.” Because once the coalmines closed, people had to leave. If they didn’t have a way to make any more income. So they did leave. So some of these towns are hurting, and hurting badly. But, that’s not everybody. You don't see anyone rolling into Knoxville or to Chattanooga or to Asheville or to Lexington or other places that are thriving - Greenville, South Carolina, which is technically part - those cities are doing very well. And not just the cities, their suburbs, and you don’t get the stories from there of the successes that are going on. Or the thriving small towns that are making a difference. That’s the story that’s not told. And that part is sad and frustrating, because the region has been exploited for 300 years, particularly the last 150 years, and so much of its wealth and its beauty have left because of absentee ownership and other things that - it was almost - some writers have described it as an internal colony. Because so many of the resources were taken away and the riches produced weren’t reinvested back in the region. And there’s lots of reasons for that. The natural resources were taken but the people were not - they didn’t reap the benefits of that.

MEGAN: So do you think that that’s the biggest stereotype or misconception about people from the region is the impoverished kind of trope that’s -

PAUL: I think so. Normally - there’s kinda two big tropes. They’re sort of flip sides of each other, but you’ve got the degenerate hillbilly, poor, no shoes, no teeth. Shiftless, lazy. All of those. Then you also, on the flip side, sometimes when you say “Appalachia” people think tradition, it’s almost a positive thing, like “ooh, it’s pretty, traditional values” in some ways. So you get - sometimes there is some positive thing. They are obviously outweighed by the negative, but you can get this yin and this yang or this Janus idea of two sides. But if you were ever to google search “Appalachia”, and look at the images, for every 10 hillbillies there’s one “ooh, look how pretty”. Or you get these obviously all of the caricatures and stereotypes. So I think that that’s - the impoverished and the hillbilly, kinda go hand in hand. You do get some positive things, and those are - even in Vance’s book, he talked about the family togetherness and the independence. Some of those, even though as is portrayed in his book are negative, you can pull positive things from that. I guess I should - my small caveat, it’s not all negative in his book. Just mostly.

CARRIE: One of the words that you used in that discussion was “holler” which I definitely associate with Appalachia.

PAUL: Yes! Yes! I think it can be called a “hollow”, but if you say “hollow”, no one knows what you’re talking about. So it’s a “holler”. And it’s a - I don’t exactly know the strict definition of what a “holler” is. I can point some out to you but I don’t know.

CARRIE: I always interpret them as small valleys. But maybe I’m wrong.

PAUL: It’s a small, long valley that - usually there’s one way in but there’s land that’s arable and useable and people can live close or far. And usually as you’re going in, you’re going up too. So if you’re deep in a holler, you’re probably moving up the ridge.

CARRIE: Oh! That’s interesting.

MEGAN: It’s good that that was cleared up because I heard it and I was like “I don’t know what’s happening!”

CARRIE: The first time I ever heard the word was in - not Longmire. What’s that tv show about the federal agent. From Kentucky? Right? Tennessee?

PAUL: Justified?

CARRIE: Justified! The first time I ever heard that word, I think, was Justified. And I had to look it up.

PAUL: Yup. Now Justified is actually decent. I will say that’s a show that I can watch and reasonably enjoy. Obviously some of the bad guys are so over the top and it’s almost like, really? But for the most part it’s a reasonable display of the region. It’s obviously not perfect, but it’s pretty good. As far as-

MEGAN: What about the dialect?

PAUL: It’s decent. They did get a lot of extras from the region itself and so a lot of those are fairly good. Obviously, some of the stars aren’t necessarily from the region, so theirs is - most of the time, any time you get an actor and try to teach them, certain things’ll be really good. And then other things will be “meh”. It’s oftentimes like - the Southern accent just as a whole is hard, just because there’s a lot of nuance there. A really good version is Jude Law in Cold Mountain. A really terrible version is Jake Gyllenhaal in October Sky. I almost had to stop watching the movie. I’m like, “this is terrible.” Oh man. It was - he was giving it a decent try, but it’s like man. As linguists, we gotta do some more work. We gotta some work. Cuz it was not good. Not good at all.

CARRIE: What do you think people are judging when they judge you or other Appalachian speakers for their dialect?

PAUL: I think it’s two things. Obviously, first and foremost, you’re - we’re all raised in this culture, we’re all presented with these stereotypes, we’re presented with these ideas - because not everyone has experience with the region. And so just like most human things, we try to categorize. Based on what we’ve been told. If you are inundated with this idea of hillbilly and poor and backwards and Trump country to the nth degree, with a little sprinkling of very pretty and traditional and things like that. Which, some of those are even reinforced. I think that’s what we do, the same way that those of us who grew up in the region that may not have had any experience with New York or Boston or the Midwest, what do you have to default to, what have we absorbed from our culture. Some of that is positive about certain areas and some of it is also negative. Sadly for Appalachia, a lot of it is negative. We’re inundated with a lot of negativity, sprinkled with some positivity. But that’s what we default to cuz that’s the only thing we have. And of course we like black and white answers. We like good or not so good. But when something is complex and nuanced and there’s lots of gray and not just black and white that’s what people - so for example, people hear me sometimes, and they hear that I’m a PhD and I wear my shoes and I have my teeth, there’s some cognitive dissonance there, like, “what happened? Wait a minute, you’re not a blatant racist, or misogynist, or things like that. What do we do with that? And you’re not poor.” Not that I’m rich, but “you’re not dirt poor, living on a dirt floor.” It’s weird. I was on an athletic visit to New York City, and I was there and one of the guys was like, “hey man, so you’re from Tennessee!” And it was like, “yeah.” And he looked at me and said, “do you guys have phones there?”

CARRIE: HA!

PAUL: And I just kinda look at him and I said, “nope! We got two cans and a big long string.” But it was - granted, this is a guy that grew up in - I think he may have been from the Bronx - he had no notion. So the only thing that he had was the caricatures. And so he asked somebody literally in the year 2000 if they had phones. Which is obviously an absurd question. But it’s indicative of what did he - I was the first person from Tennessee that he knew that he had met. So what is he gonna do? He’s gonna default to what he’s been presented. And sadly that picture from a lot of pop culture and the cultural milieu is negative, and so that’s what he did. And of course back then I didn’t have any notion of how to answer this so I also proceeded to insult him about New York and thoity-thoid street and things like that. Again that was my first trip to New York so I had to default to my stereotypes too. That’s not my proudest moment, but that's just being transparent.

CARRIE: Well sometimes when you’re put in these situations, you just don't know how to respond.

PAUL: Exactly.

CARRIE: I wouldn’t have known.

PAUL: I was 17 so I really didn’t have a lot of world experience in how to navigate something like that. Although I will say I do have one funny story about a guy, a good friend of mine. He’s probably the smartest guy I know. He’s an agricultural engineer and he’s basically figured out ways for us to feed to the whole world, this is what he does. We were at this McDonald’s, we were on a trip and we were coming back from Saint Louis. I don’t really remember where we were. But we weren’t very close to home. My friend has a pretty pronounced Appalachian accent. He just lets it fly cuz that’s who he is and that’s who he wants to be. He ordered his food. And this guy behind him starts laughing. Then my friend turns around and says, “can I help you?” And the guy said, “what rock did you crawl out from under?”

CARRIE: Oh my god.

PAUL: And my buddy - he’s so funny, he’s so quick with this - I don’t know how - but he’s like, “let me ask you something. Do you know what an algorithm is?” And the guy’s like, “uh, no.” He said, “can you tell me what a derivative is?” And he’s like, “no.” He said, “I didn’t think so.” He said, “just cuz my mouth move slow, doesn’t mean my mind does. But apparently yours does.” And then he walked off. And it was kinda like - that was-

CARRIE: Wow.

PAUL: Terrible and amazing at the same time. Both really insulted and then I’m like, “dude, that’s like the best comeback I’ve ever heard and how did you think of that?” And he just walks with his tray and sits down. He’s like, “*sigh* we get all kinds.” And it was funny cuz he was not really upset after that, and I was like, “wow.” But what did that guy - what was his stereotype. It was, if you hear someone talking like that, they’re from so far country, so deep in the country that they live under a rock. That’s what he defaulted to. It was a really just eye opening - it’s kinda like - I wanted to be his yes man but I didn’t really know what to say so I’m like, “YEAH.”

CARRIE: TAKE THAT.

PAUL: That’s my friend!

CARRIE: Yeah. One of the things that I hear a lot is that people from the South and Appalachia, they talk lazy.

PAUL: Oh yes.

CARRIE: Can you explain why it’s not lazy.

PAUL: So it’s not lazy because no native speaker speaks lazily. It’s just sort of like that’s - it’s funny because what it is is typically Southern vowels - there’s this thing called the Southern drawl and what happens is some vowels get lengthened and they change a little bit over the articulation. So you get something like, “fri-end” /fɹeɛnd/. So what happens, is where most places would be “friend” /fɹɛnd/, that middle vowel stays roughly the same as you say it. But in the South it’ll change over time. Even though the speaking rate isn’t any different, you get the perception of more or longer because it’s changing over time. So when people get that, they’re like, “oh they talk slower.” And you get the rationale, because it’s hot. Because it’s humid. No one wants to move fast. But at the same time, when something is done slower you think, “why are they doing it slower?” They’re just not as fast or they have ability but they’re choosing not to. Typically, usually, stems from that. There’ve been some studies that look at speaking rate at various places and everyone speaks roughly, on the average, roughly the same speed. There are obviously fast speakers in the South and there are slow speakers in the South, same as there are fast speakers in the Midwest and there are slow speakers in the Midwest. Because of that perception, particularly the vowels, that usually - and then also the same thing, the canonical, the caricature, the monophthonization of “I”. That also gives you the percept of being longer, even though it’s the same amount of time, it gives you the percept of being longer for the opposite reason: you’re expecting it to change and it doesn’t. So you’re like, “oh, that person just isn’t raising their tongue because they are choosing not to because they’re lazy or it’s hot or humid or something.” I think that’s probably where it stems from.

CARRIE: Thank you. I agree. It’s just good to have a phonetician actually explain it, rather than me.

PAUL: You can always say, “you know, everyone speaks roughly the same rate. There are faster and slower people. But on the average, everyone’s roughly the same.” Cuz we’re still understandable, no one’s lazy. It’s not like it takes that much effort to move your tongue. We just have a different system.

CARRIE: Yeah. Thank you. Alright do we have any other questions, Megan?

MEGAN: I don’t think so. Do you have any last words or anything that you would really wish our listeners - which, I mean, we have listeners on the Ivory Coast, so.

PAUL: Yeah!

MEGAN: Anything you would want them to know about the region or about the dialect?

PAUL: Sure. It’s a region that is - it’s very complex. It’s one of those that are - there are some of the greatest people. There are some traditions that are still maintained. There’s a lot of complexity. It’s a region that’s very beautiful. I am completely biased in that assessment, but I’m ok with that. It’s beautiful, the people are some of the finest people you could meet. The language is - it’s creative, it’s playful. It’s a way that people have connections to their roots. Because of the idioms, some of the stories. The Jack Tales. The creativity of the language evokes an earlier time. Even though it’s a completely modern instantiation of the language, it does have some evocative features of an earlier time. But it is - it’s awesome. It’s glorious. Please come. See it. Meet people, shake their hands, hear their stories. Make your own opinion. Don’t listen to everyone in the media. Make your own opinion.

CARRIE: Can I ask you what a Jack story is?

PAUL: Oh so a Jack Tale. Like Jack and the Beanstalk.

CARRIE: Oh.

PAUL: Where it’s about Jack and normally Jack is little scamp. He gets into mischief and finds his way - usually through his own intuition, finds his way out. That’s the most famous version of Jack and the Beanstalk. But there are all of these Jack Tales that everyone hears growing up. Every holler and pocket and region has their own variations on the Jack Tales. That’s one of the other stereotypes, is that Appalachians are storytellers. Which, that one is pretty true. I know lots of people and they can tell some really good stories. I guess we’ll accept that one. It’s tales about Jack. He usually gets in some kind of trouble and figures his way out. There’s mixes of magic and fantasy and stuff. But some of them are also very down to earth. He’s supposed to go do something and decides not to and how is he gonna make it up to his parents. Some things like that. Some thing that can be magic beans that grow up to this giant thing in the sky to he went to the swimming hole rather than doing his chores, something like that.

CARRIE: That’s cool. Ok, thank you so much!

PAUL: Thank you all very much. This was great.

MEGAN: Thank you so so much.

CARRIE: Yeah, this was really great.

MEGAN: It was. I learned everything. Cuz again I had lived in Arizona my entire life. So I have not been to Appalachia.

PAUL: Well you are more than welcome to-

MEGAN: I look forward to it.

PAUL: We can send you an Appalachian card, so that way you’re accepted as one of our own.

MEGAN: Yes! Well I say Appalachia /æpəlɑʧə/.

PAUL: Yes. You are in. You’re in.

MEGAN: Yes.

CARRIE: I have been to Nashville, at least.

PAUL: There you go. Nice. Nice.

CARRIE: It was really nice!

PAUL: Go get some hot chicken.

CARRIE: I didn’t eat any hot chicken. I did buy some hot chicken spice though, so I can make it on my non-chicken food.

PAUL: Oh there you go. There you go.

MEGAN: We always end our show with our tagline, which is: Don’t be an asshole! Because that is the message - if you haven’t heard it.

CARRIE: Yeah. Do not be an asshole!

PAUL: Right!

MEGAN: Thank you so much.

PAUL: Thanks guys.

CARRIE: Thanks again.

PAUL: You’re welcome, thank you.

MEGAN: Bye

CARRIE: K, bye!

MUSIC: O' be joyful Is that what you're brewing Does your daddy know that's what you're doing His little girl's got a reputation out for ruin She was givin' them the country away

Machete in the tree stub, hound dog on the chain Wooden-legged woman playin' a banjo in the rain. Can't recall the tune but the song's always the same "Jesus give me strength"

But babe, it's alright I'm gonna wrap you up tonight, Carry you out right on time

CARRIE: The Vocal Fries Podcast is produced by Chris Ayers for Halftone Audio. Theme music by Nick Granum. You can find us on Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Instagram @vocalfriespod. You can email us at vocalfriespod@gmail.com.

[weekendwarriorblog]

The Weekend Warrior 12/18/20 – GREENLAND, FATALE, MONSTER HUNTER, EDUCATION, BREACH, SKYLIN3S and More

We’re getting so close to the end of what has been a fairly grueling year for movie lovers, especially those of us who enjoy watching movies in theaters. I personally was watching upwards of ten movies a week in theaters, but since March, I’ve only seen two, and that’s because movie theaters were shut down and then kept shut down since mid-March. Meanwhile, I can literally get on a train and see a movie in Jersey City without any problems, and there have been no cases traced to someone watching a movie in a theater either. Meanwhile, Cuomo and DiBlasio keep shutting everything down in New York City despite claiming that they were going to stick with the zones or hot spots… nope, the entire city may be closed down after Christmas.

But enough moaning…  There’s some good stuff debuting this week and some of them even are in theaters. I’m gonna start with three movies from three of my favorite filmmakers, all of whom know how to make fun, mainstream studio films.

Oh, and before you get to that, also check out my advance review of next week’s Soul from Pixar Animation!

Director Paul W.S. Anderson and partner Mila Jovovich reunite for a brand-new video game adaptation, MONSTER HUNTER (Screen Gems), based on the Capcom game in which the characters… you guessed it… hunt monsters. In this one, Jovovich plays Captain Artemis a soldier who while investigating the disappearance of a battalion ends up in another dimension known as the New World where she encounters (dum dum dum!) monsters and fights them with a new ally, played by Tony Jaa.

Listen, I’ll be the first to confess that I find Anderson’s movies to be a bit of a guilty pleasure. While he has made some fun movies like Alien vs. Predator and Event Horizon, he’s sometimes faltered like his attempt at a Three Musketeers movie and of course, Pompeii. Undaunted by the number of video game movies he’s already made, he takes on yet another one, and he definitely seems to be having quite a bit of fun while making this one.

Monster Hunter begins with a preamble set in the “New World” where we see a ship and characters straight out of the game being attacked by a giant monster. We’re then back in our “Old” World where Jovovich’s character is leading a small platoon in search of a missing group of soldiers. They’re hit by a huge sandstorm, and next thing they know, they’ve been transported through a portal to another dimension where they’re attacked by a giant horned creature (a bit like a mutated Triceratops) that burrows under the ground and starts killing them off one-by-one.

Listen, I make no bones about the fact that I’m a full-on giant monster stan whether it’s Godzilla, Pacific Rim, whatever, so I was probably already fully onboard before I saw the great job Anderson and his team did to make these monsters feel like they have real weight and scale. There are definitely elements to the movie that reminded me of Paul Verhoeven’s Starship Troopers – a movie I genuinely love -- but it did a better job of it than another movie out this week (see below).

Another reason Monster Hunter works at all is that not only is Anderson familiar with the mechanics of the video game but also understands that a movie like this requires some degree of humor to be taken seriously, ironically. Much of that comes from the attempts to communicate between Jovovich and Jaa, and that does get a little tiring after a while, but it offers some laughs once the action settles down, which isn’t often. Jovovich is still a kick-ass action heroine as always, and it’s almost shocking that her and Anderson have been doing this stuff for 18 years since teaming up for the very first Resident Evil.

The great thing about Monster Hunter is that it’s almost non-stop action for a good portion of the movie, rarely slowing down, and it just gets better when Ron Perlman enters the mix, although he feels somewhat underused in the crazy last act where they face creatures that look a lot like the Game of Thrones dragon. There is also some notable silliness that in fact is something from the game.

Monster Hunter is definitely not the kind of movie I recommend to everyone – fans of the OTHER Paul Anderson would turn their noses up at the suggestion --  but if you’re a fan of giant monsters and some of Anderson’s earlier work, you’ll probably already know whether or not this will be for you. Either way, it’s the kind of entertainment we just haven’t seen much of in 2020. Monster Hunter will open in theaters including IMAX on Friday.

Director Deon Taylor reunites with his The Intruder leading man, Michael Ealy, for the psychological thriller FATALE (Lionsgate), in which Ealy plays Derek, a very successful sports agent who has an unfortunate one-night stand while in Vegas with a woman, played by Oscar-winner Hilary Swank. When Derek returns to L.A., a break-in at his home brings out the police, including Swank’s Val, who happens to be a well-regarded police detective, and she will not be ignored, Derek!

I went into this presuming it was Taylor’s version of updating the erotic thriller Fatal Attraction, and I was partially right, except that Swank’s Val is much more dangerous in this case because as a police detective, she has a lot more power over Derek once she realizes he’s married. There are elements to this movie that definitely give it a twist like the fact that Derek and his wife Tracy (Damaris Lewis) are already having marital problems before his affair, or the fact that Val has been trying to get custody of her daughter from her politician husband (Carter Haywood). There’s also Derek’s best friend and business partner Rafe (Mike Colter) and ex-con cousin Tyrin (Tyrin Turner) that add to the mix once people around Derek start dying.

I’ve always said that Taylor is a better director than a writer, but I was surprised that this thriller was written by David Loughery, who also wrote last year’s fairly decent The Intruder. Ealy is just fine as always here, but Swank’s attempt to play a bad guy just doesn’t work as well as she did in The Hunt. Having so many different subplots and characters just confuses matters and takes away from the actual thriller.  There may be a couple unexpected twists but none that really shake you up like some of the ones in Fatal Attraction. Sure, maybe it’s unfair to call it that, even though we’ve seen quite a few genre-switched remakes/twists like What Men Want and Little, and this isn’t that at all.

On the other hand, there is an interesting sublayer to the Val-Derek dynamic that makes you think of the way black men far less rich and successful than Derek are treated by white police, so the movie may be inadvertently (?) be building on the “Black Lives Matter” movement without intentionally trying. Still, I liked Taylor’s last movie Black and Blue much more.

Other than that, Fatale never really goes anywhere and never quite delivers on the promising concept in the same way some might be hoping based on Taylor’s previous work.

Director Ric Roman Waugh and actor Gerard Butler reunite after making last year’s Angel Has Fallen, this time for the disaster film GREENLAND (STXFilms). Sadly, this one is going straight to PVOD in the USA rather than being given a chance in theaters, which is a shame, since it’s a big screen disaster film about a string of comets heading towards earth and one man named John Garrity (Butler) who is trying to protect and save his family.

I’ll freely admit that I’ve been a big fan of Waugh’s since his earlier film Felon – and for the sake of transparency, I do consider him a friend, so I’m glad to see him doing bigger studio films, especially since he continually proves the quality of his work and focus on characters can be retained even for this kind of movie.  Some going into Greenland might be expecting something like San Andreas or The Day After Tomorrow, but thankfully, and I definitely credit Waugh for this, it’s actually is a disaster flick that never loses sight of the humans at its core.

Butler is actually a decent actor when given half a chance, but obviously, his shift to starring in action movies means that he has to work a bit harder to show that he’s more than just a bulky buff action hero.  In this case, he creates quite a fallible and grounded hero whose marriage has been trouble, because he cheated on his wife. Morena Baccarin is also quite good as his wife Allison, really adding to the tension when she gets separated, first from Jack and then their son.  Young Roger Dale Floyd, who I was dubious of as their kid at least as the film began, really steps up and also delivers on making the audience feel that there is real danger and stakes. Just as you think the movie is about to head fully into Roland Emmerich land – lots of comet destruction -- Waugh pulls out another terrific veteran in Scott Glenn who adds even more weight and gravitas to the film.

Greenland is definitely a bit of a leap for Waugh in terms of visual FX from previous films. On top of the destruction caused by the comets, there is also a good amount of time where the skies are burning in bright orange. But it’s all background to following Jack and his family going through the ordeal of trying to escape and survive the inevitable “extinction event” when the largest chunk of the comet hits earth.

As far as disaster flix go, Greenland is one of the better ones, since it goes out of its way to make everything feel real, as if it was a well-made documentary or based on a true story, one that hopefully will never come true.

Note: I’ll also have an interview with Ric Roman Waugh over at Below the Line very soon.

Next up is Steve McQueen’s EDUCATION (Amazon Prime Video), the last installment of his “Small Axe Anthology” of films. This one stars Kenyah Sandy as 12-year-old Kingsley Smith, a boy who can’t read so he’s sent to a special school in Barnet where the teachers aren’t really teaching the kids and they’re running amok. Kingsley’s parents don’t realize what’s going on until a group of caring West Indian women pull together to speak up against the lack of education their kids are getting.

It’s the shortest of the series at just over an hour, and while it’s not my favorite, it’s still very good, and it also feels like it could be a very personal film to McQueen, maybe more than the other four movies. First of all, he found this great young actor to play the lead role -- as most of McQueen’s work, the entire cast is great, including Nicole Ackles -- but he also is exploring something that while some parents may be able to relate to, the segregation and racism that permeated the British school system in those days might not be something that many Americans or younger Brits were aware of. I also wasn’t aware of the cultural bias in IQ tests that sent trouble kids like Kingsley into this other school system where they would never learn anything despite the selling point that it has less students so the teachers can focus on helping them more. That clearly doesn’t turn out to be the case with Kingsley and the school to which he commutes.

Education definitely feels more informational than something meant to entertain like Lovers Rock, but it’s a fine addition to the “Small Axe Anthology” that shows how well McQueen and his team have been able to make each chapter feel different in terms of look and tone from others.

Streaming this week on Netflix is George C. Wolfe’s adaptation of August Wilson’s MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM, which I already reviewed. It stars Viola Davis as the title character, a famous blues singer in the ‘20s who has come to Chicago to record an album and she has to deal with an ambitious trumpet player, played by the late Chadwick Boseman, who has his own career aspirations that puts him at odds with Davis’ character. As with Denzel’s adaptation of August Wilson’s Fences, it’s a strong period drama.  Also, as mentioned last week, you can also now watch the related doc Giving Voice, which follows the journey of six student actors on their way to the August Wilson Monologue Competition.

If you’re looking for something to keep the kiddies quiet, check out Taylor Meacham’s TO GERARD, an animated short now on Peacock from DreamWorks Animation. It’s a wonderful animated short about a guy working in a mailroom who witnessed a magic show when he was a child that influenced his entire life and how he passes that love of magic onto a young girl he encounters.

Directed by Jennifer Trainer, the Director of Development of MASS MoCa in North Adams, Massachusetts, the doc MUSEUM TOWN (Kino Lorber/Kino Marquee) is an amazing documentation of the development of a former factory in the Berkshires area of Mass. being turned into one of the largest contemporary art museums in the world.  

North Adams was a factory town where most of the city worked at the Sprague Electronics that was left quite dilapidated and destitute after the factory closed. Years later, the warehouse that was eventually turned into MASS MoCA.

Much of the film covers artist Nick Cave – no, not THAT Nick Cave – as he’s working on his installation, but it also goes back to when David Byrne brought his installation “Desire” there in 1996. Not that it all goes without problems. While opening MoCA would help the community by giving jobs, there’s some political wrangling from the state’s then-conservative Governor, and of course, the people living in North Adams aren’t quite prepared for it to be turned into an arts community.

Still, there are some amazing enormous installations that are impressive and the director even got Meryl Streep – yes, THAT one – to narrate. I’m not really a contemporary art kinda guy but Trainer has done a good job making it easier for people like me to understand why a trip to MASS MoCA in North Adams might be a worthy sojourn.

Speaking of art, I’m hoping to get to Chinese artist and activist Ai Weiwei’s new doc COCKROACH, which will be playing at Alamo on Demand starting Friday with a watch party with Ai Weiwei happening on Saturday at 3:30PM. In this one Ai Weiwei films the Hong Kong protests of February 2019, covering street demonstrations, police suppression and violence and things like the siege on Hong Kong Polytechnic University including interviews with the participants. Will try to catch this and add something later this week if possible.

Let’s get to some sci-fi, shall we? It’s a little odd to see a few movies that very well could fall into Paul WS Anderson’s genre purview, especially going up against an actual Anderson movie, but there ya go.

The best of the three is the John Suits*-directed BREACH (Saban Films), starring Bruce Willis, Cody Kearsley from Riverdale, Rachel Nichols and Thomas Jane. It’s set in the year 2242 when the earth is dying and the last shuttle, the USS Hercules, is putting its 300,000 passengers into cryogenic sleep for the long trip to New Earth…. Yes, a bit like Passengers. Willis and Kearsley are essentially janitors who along with a few dozen others have been kept awake to service the craft, but they soon learn that something else has “breached” the spaceship and is killing them off one-by-one. (*Okay, funny little factoid: Suits also directed the “Diehard is Back” commercial for Diehard batteries.)

I’m sure you’re immediately saying, “Hey Ed, that sounds a lot like Alien or John Carpenter’s The Thing. You realize that, right?” Sure, I do, and while I don’t think Breach is likely to stand the test of time in terms of sci-fi horror, as those have, it offers more than enough entertainment that you might not regret it if someone forces you to watch it… even in a movie theater! (Dum dum dum!)

I wasn’t familiar with Kearsley before this movie, but he does a good job holding the fort as , and I have to say that Willis definitely seems to be present and not phoning it in, as he has been in some other recent VOD release. In fact, I’ll say that Willis is kind of pulling from the “Classic Bruce” we all loved in the ‘80s and ‘90s, plus he has a bigger role in the movie then others, so that should be a great selling point right there for any doubters.

Eventually, we learn that all the mayhem has been caused by a virus, and soon, the surviving crew are facing infected zombie-like people (kinda like Resident Evil) who have been thawed out from cryo. We also learn that this virus is trying to kill as many humans as possible as the shuttle is sent on a crash course into New Earth (a bit like Greenland—see how it all ties together?)

Sure, there’s an element to Breach that does feel semi-derivative of other space movies, but Suits does a decent job keeping the fun quotient on par with other Bruce Willis movies, and that’s partially why Breach is actually quite enjoyable.

Filmmaker Liam O’Donnell returns to the helm for the threequel SKYLIN3S (Vertical), the third chapter in the low-budget alien invasion movie Skyline from 2010. A lot has happened since that movie, mostly in the sequel Beyond Skyline, which of course, I haven’t seen. Thankfully, there’s a recap as the third movie now follows Rose Corley (Lindsey Morgan), a young woman with powers believed to be the hero that can save earth while fighting back against the alien Harvesters. She also has a brother Trent (Jeremy Fitzgerald), who seems to be an alien “pilot” himself, and with a crew of soldiers, she’s sent on a mission to Cobalt 1 to take the fight to the aliens. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? (Honestly, I was so confused by some of this, I do not recommend watching without having seen the previous movie.)

I wasn’t that big a fan of the original movie (written and produced by O’Donnell), but he has turned this ersatz sci-fi franchise into a full-on space opera that takes its cues (translation: spuriously rips offs) from so many other science fiction movies from Starship Troopers to District 9 to the Aliens and Predator movies. Surprise, surprise, O’Donnell worked with Skyline directors Colin and Greg Strause on Aliens Vs. Predator: Requiem, also not a great sequel. Even with Morgan being a decent female lead, it’s still very much your typical macho action movie of humans fighting aliens movie with a bit of awkward martial arts thrown into the mix. The movie is also ultra-serious almost to a level that makes it hard to snicker, and some might scratch their heads about the choice of a blooper reel during the end credits.

One thing where O’Donnell does sort of succeed is in the mix of practical and on-set visual FX to the point where you may not be sure what you’re watching, plus the environments created are generally effective quality sci-fi. It’s really in the last half hour or so when the visual FX budget starts being more obvious, but it also leads to a number of very silly and cheesy visuals, particularly involving the aliens. You can’t help but feel that you’re watching a particularly low-budget episode of any season of Doctor Who.

Ultimately, Skylines isn’t great, coming across like the Riddick sequels compared to the original movie. In this case, the first movie of this franchise wasn’t even close to as good as Pitch Black was, so why bother?

Lastly (as far as sci-fi goes), we have Martin Owen’s MAX CLOUD (Well GO USA) (aka The Intergalactic Adventures of Max Cloud), which might sound familiar to anyone who has seen any of the Jumanji movies or cheesy ‘90s films like Masters of the Universe and for whatever reason, wished they’d make movies that bad. Set in 1990, this is about a young gamer named Sarah Noble (Isabelle Allen) who finds herself transported into her favorite side scroller gang to join the adventures of its hero, Captain Max Cloud (Scott Adkins … uh oh) and his crew to take on the evil Revengor (John Hannah). In order to stay alive in the game, Sarah’s friend Cowboy (Franz Drameh) must keep the console game on and get Sarah’s character Jake, the ship’s cook played by Elliot James Langridge, through the game’s mission alive.

It did not take me very long while watching this to realize I was about to sit through a very terrible movie, but to be fair, I’ve long ago learned to go into any movie starring Adkins with some trepidation. My instincts weren’t wrong, because between the lousy writing, awful acting and cheesy score that quickly gets on your nerves, Max Cloud never once gets you thinking, “This could have been a good movie.”

There are a few other characters including Tommy Flanagan’s Brock Donnelly, your typical bounty hunter type, and there’s another baddie named Shee, played by…um.. what? Yes, kids, apparently Lashana Lynch, who is set to be the next 007 in next year’s No Time To Die got herself cast in a very bad D-grade movie before her big break. Whoops. At least the movie gives Adkins another chance to show off his martial arts moves, but they feel just as out of place here  as they do in Skylines.

I can’t even say that the filmmakers or this cast were even trying their best or giving it their all, because it doesn’t really seem like that at all. Other than some decent visual FX to create a side-scrolling fight sequence late in the movie, it's actually pretty awful, a bad faux video game movie that should have had its plug pulled.

Shawn Linden’s HUNTER HUNTER (IFC Midnight) is about a family of fur trappers led by Devon Sawa’s Joseph Mersault, along with wife Anne (Camille Sullivan) and daughter Renée (Summer H. Howell), a family trying to make ends meet until their traps start being poached by a giant rogue wolf. Joseph leaves his family behind to track the wolf but while he’s gone, Anne and their daughter find a badly injured man named Lou (Nick Stahl) who may know something more about this wolf.

I wasn’t sure what to expect of this film, mainly since there already was a werewolf movie earlier in the year this year called The Wolf of Snow Hollow, and while this is very different, it’s also somewhat stiff in comparison. About 15 minutes into the movie, Joseph and the two women are separated, and it cuts between them. It’s about 45 minutes into the movie before Nick Stahl’s character shows up, but by then, you probably have a good idea what’s going to happen.

Linden and his cast do a great job creating tension with the help of the music and sound design, but things go along for some time without much happening. Otherwise, Camille Sullivan gives a stronger performance than anyone else, a performance almost too good for this movie, but Sawa is also quite good. Admittedly it’s a little strange seeing him all grown-up having seen Final Destination WAY too many times.  On the other hand, I’ve never really been a fan of Stahl, and he really isn’t great when he finally shows up as the mysterious stranger.

There are some unexpectedly silly moments like when we actually see the wolf for the first time – it looks pretty cool, actually – and Anne just screams at it. There are a couple other characters who aren’t particularly interesting – wolf fodder, if you will – but it just takes its sweet time getting to the inevitable twist that you may have seen coming an hour earlier. The last act is pretty grueling to get through as Lou shows his true colors. Part of me wishes the movie didn’t go where it seemed to be going, because it because it feels sudden and much out of character with the rest of the movie.

Hunter Hunter isn’t a terrible movie, and it could have been far, far worse in the wrong hands or with the wrong cast. I’m definitely kinda mixed on it, since it’s still a genre film that erroneously plays down its genre potential until the very last 10 minutes, and that alone might annoy anyone watching it.

Some of the movies I just didn’t have time to get to this week:

Paint (Gravitas Ventures) Tiger Within (Gravitas Ventures) Sister of the Groom (Saban/Paramount) The Last Sermon (Gravitas Ventures) Climate of the Hunter (Dark Star Pictures) The Rescue (CMC Pictures) Shalom Taiwan (Outsider Pictures) Goodbye Dragon Inn (Metrograph Pictures)

By the way, if you read this week’s column and have bothered to read this far down, feel free to drop me some thoughts at Edward dot Douglas at Gmail dot Com or drop me a note or tweet on Twitter. I love hearing from readers … honest!

[kaycares22]

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve? (Scott/Malia)

Merry Christmas, @allisonscott ! I was your Secret Santa for Scolia Secret Santa. I wanted to give you a slow-build relationship, so here’s a decade-plus of NYE’s. I know something went wrong with the original submission, so here it is, sans coding errors and with a complete ending. Hope you enjoy. :)

Read it here or on AO3.

___________________________________

New Year’s Eve, 2011

Lydia Martin’s parties are a status symbol in Beacon Hills. You’re not someone unless you can somehow score an invite, and nothing rivals her New Year’s Eve party. Two years ago, Scott had spent New Year’s binge watching Marvel movies with his mom and Stiles, listening to Stiles volley between lamenting their low, low status and inventing possible scenarios of what was unfolding at the party across town. This year, Scott wanders that same party, followed by the ghost of a girl he’s not quite ready to shake and mentally curses Lydia Martin and her parties for bringing Allison Argent into his life.

At ten minutes till midnight, he’s still torn between wanting to leave this godawful year behind and not being ready to part with what 2011 will signify for the rest of his life. Suddenly, it’s too warm in the overcrowded living room where someone’s starting to pass out poppers, so he walks past the kitchen where Lydia and Derek are filling solo cups with champagne and finds himself in the backyard. He expects to be alone - after all, it’s almost midnight - but there’s a flash of movement near the pool, and he looks over just as Malia’s head whips around. She’s sitting cross-legged on the tiled border, dressed in cutoffs and a sweatshirt that looks an awful lot like Stiles’s lacrosse hoodie. From where he stands on the patio, it looks like she’s shivering.

His initial reaction is to turn around and head back inside. Malia’s become a staple lately, a siamese twin glued to Stiles’s side, but Scott still doesn’t feel like he knows her - and he’s not sure he wants to. (Stiles’s survivor guilt has him throwing himself into saving someone else while Scott’s has him certain he shouldn’t be allowed to lead a pack.) But then he makes eye contact with her, and he can’t just slip back inside.

“It’s almost midnight,” he says instead as he lingers in that spot just outside the door. He silently wills her to give up her spot and go join the party’s impending countdown.

She shrugs instead. “It was midnight three hours ago in New York.”

The thought hadn’t crossed his mind that across the country, it’s already a year where she will never exist, and he feels warm again. He can’t head back inside now. The only other choice is to cross the patio.

“Asleep.”

“Asleep?”

Malia nods. She doesn’t offer any more information at first. Instead, she gazes out over the pool for a long, silent minute before she finally says, “He still smells like it.”

Scott knows what she means. He can still smell it, too, the way it lingers on his best friend, even after the dark circles faded from around Stiles’s eyes and his skin turned to its normal pale instead of deathly white. But it’s like there’s been some unspoken promise between Scott and Malia to not tell Stiles. After all, he’s still just barely enough on this side of things to fall asleep in the middle of parties.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Scott says, grateful he hasn’t yet taught her about the way heartbeats speed up when someone tells a half-truth. Fine is probably outside the realm of possibility, has been since Scott got bit, but his glass has always been half-full too.

Malia doesn’t even acknowledge that he talked, though. She just keeps staring across the backyard like there’s something out there he’s missed. Her voice isn’t as raspy as it was when she first shifted back to this body, but she still doesn’t talk much. She doesn’t make much eye contact either. Really, she doesn’t do much with anyone who isn’t Stiles. And with him asleep in the guest room upstairs, she’s much less the furious half-animal out for vengeance from the people who forced her into this life and much more the scared half-girl who still hasn’t figured this whole human thing out. And at seven minutes to midnight, he can’t just leave her out there alone.

With a sigh, he gives up his hope of being alone when his first year post-Allison begins and crosses the few yards between himself and Malia. At least she finally turns her head to look at him when he drops down beside her.

“You know, you’re gonna miss it.” Malia just keeps staring at him until he finally elaborates. “Midnight. Here, in California.”

“I don’t care.”

Music spills out of the house behind them, coupled with excited voices as the new year gets closer. It’s too jubilant to match the tightness that grows in his chest every time he checks the time on his phone. Scott needs a distraction, which is how he ends up putting his foot in his mouth.

First, though, he presses his palms against the mosaiced walkway and leans back so he can see her face. “Do you remember New Year’s? From before?”

She shoots him a look that’s definitely more furious half-animal than scared half-girl and bares her teeth.

Scott doesn’t recoil. In his head, he can see Stiles placing a gentle, albeit poorly timed, hand on her shoulder as he reminds her Not at friends. Not at people period. But Scott doesn’t say anything. Baring your teeth at the new year feels somehow appropriate tonight. He also doesn’t expect her to tell him anything else, which is why he’s surprised when she talks again.

“The last New Year’s I remember, my dad told me it was gonna be my year. Then three months later, I killed my mom and my sister.”

Again, Stiles’s voice is there in the back of his head, reminding him that they need to keep telling her it wasn’t her fault. But Scott pushes it away. The heaviness in his own heart says guilt doesn’t work that way. Instead, he lays back in the cold grass, trying to ignore the way the music has stopped. The way people are louder, more excited. He can’t get his hands to move the right way to check the time on his phone again, though, so he folds them under his head.

“The last time my mom made us make resolutions was the last new year’s before my dad walked out,” he tells her, swapping terrible holiday for terrible holiday. He’s not sure why he tells her at all until she lays back beside him, and it seems to make sense.

“New Year’s is stupid.”

“The worst.”

It catches him off-guard when the countdown starts inside. His chest pulls tighter and tighter until it feels like he can’t breath. Until he sees stars. Until he starts to wonder if this is what Stiles’s panic attacks feel like.

Happy New Year! the collective voices inside cheer, and his heart lodges itself in the back of his throat, threatening to choke him.

“It’s midnight,” Malia sighs beside him.

Her words come back to him without any conscious effort on his part, and his throat starts to feel like it might not close up after all. “It was midnight three hours ago in New York.”

New Year’s Eve/Day, 2013

Paris has been good for her. Scott, Stiles, Lydia, even Derek got to just be for parts of high school. They all had memories of parties, dances, first dates, and friday night games. And (at least by the time she settled into her new skin) Malia had berserkers and dread doctors and a homicidal mom for good measure. But in Paris, she gets to just be. There’s dance clubs and boys with names she sometimes can’t pronounce and liquor laced with wolfsbane once she finds a pack Derek gives her the name of. And it’s everything she wanted it to be.

By New Year’s Eve, she’s been there almost a week. She still barely knows any French, but that just gives her an excuse to not talk when she’d rather be doing other things with her mouth. She spends the holiday out with the two youngest members of the pack she’s stumbled upon, then ends up in the quiet of an apartment with Paul, who she met a few hours ago. She has no idea when the clock switches over to a new year, and it’s bliss.

The sky is still grey the next morning when she wakes up to a buzzing that sounds like it’s just below her ear. It takes her a minute to figure out what just woke her, another to remember where she is, and thirty seconds more to realize that it’s her phone in the pocket of her discarded cuttoffs on the floor. Trying to stay as still as possible to avoid waking Paul, she slides her arm across the mattress until she can reach her pocket, then fishes around until she finally finds her phone. She pulls it out and flips it over to find Scott’s name on the screen, and there’s a weird tug at her heart.

I don’t know what time it is there, but it’s midnight in New York, so I think it’s the new year there?

It’s the first time it dawns on her that it is indeed the New Year, and she’s about to tell him as much when the … appears on the screen to let her know that he’s typing again.

Stiles just pointed out that I could’ve Googled that. So it’s six there.

He wants you to know he had to tell me cause he’s an asshole.

Anyways, Happy New Year.

Malia can picture them; half a world away, they’re probably in Derek’s loft. Just like they were for Christmas, except the Sheriff and Melissa probably aren’t there this time. Lydia didn’t throw a party last year when they were all at odds with one another, and holidays feel different now when it’s the only time Stiles and Lydia make the trip back from the east coast. Which is probably why Scott reacted the way he did when she told him on Christmas she was leaving the next day for Paris. But Lydia had MIT, and Scott had Davis, and Malia needed this.

Happy New Year, she writes and then deletes it. New Year’s is stupid, she writes back instead.

She waits for his … to appear again, but it doesn’t. Derek texts her to wish her a Happy New Year, though, and so does Stiles, so she responds to both of them before she comes back to her message thread with Scott. Scrolling back up, she reads through their texts that stop abruptly on Christmas, right around the time she told him her plan out on Derek’s fire escape. He and Lydia had deferred for a semester while they fought a literal war, but they planned to leave Beacon Hills behind after the holiday. And Malia had still wanted her time to just be, to figure out who she was when she wasn’t Stiles’s girlfriend or Peter Hale’s daughter.

But Scott hadn’t understood, partly because they were still in the middle of… something. He never sat her down the way Stiles had, back when he had defined the word girlfriend for her and then panicked when she substituted it for mate, but they had spent a lot of time together. His mom started expecting her to wander downstairs in the morning after she sat them down to remind them that they both had goals for the future that a diaper bag doesn’t fit into (Malia didn’t get it). But Scott planned to leave, and Malia planned to do the same. And now, things had been weird.

She makes it to four days before she left when her screen suddenly jumps on its own, bringing her back down to his newest message: The worst.

Malia feels that same tug at her heart as she pictures him not in Derek’s loft but laying beside her in the grass instead. Younger, but somehow more worn. Maybe a little broken.

She’s not sure what else to say, but his … saves her again, and then is replaced by his next message: How’s 2014?

Lonely is the first word that comes to mind, even though Paul’s arm is still thrown around her waist. Kind of the same, she says instead.

She watches as he types something, then must delete, then types something again. Over and over, the cursor appears and then disappears again without another text. Then finally, he sends back a single word.

Cool.

It’s quick and short. She pictures him setting his phone back down or pocketing it again, then joining back in the conversation about Braeden’s latest mission or Stiles’s weird roommate who can’t sleep with the closet door closed. Time doesn’t really matter to her and time zones still make no sense, but for a minute, she can feel the distance between them now that they’re living in two different countries and two different years.

Before she can stop herself, she types out I miss you.

Her finger hovers over send for just a half second too long, and then, just when she’s about to press it, Paul stirs beside her, tugging her closer in his half-asleep state.

“What time is it?” he mumbles as he buries his face against the back of her neck. His stubble rubs against her skin in a way that’s nothing like Scott.

“A little after six.”

“ ‘S early.”

“Not that early,” she argues as she sets her phone back down on the floor and flips over on the mattress so that his lips meet hers instead of the back of her neck.

A few hours later, she finds her text to Scott, still waiting to be sent. She deletes it instead and doesn’t text him again until they’re both in the same year and the same country.

New Year’s Eve, 2015 Her name is Bri. He meets her in a Starbucks on a Friday night when he’s claimed a secluded table in the corner where he won’t have to listen to his roommate fight with his girlfriend for the ninth - ninth - time this week, and she asks to take the other half of the table. Six months later, she’s settled into the apartment he started renting after his roommate and his now ex got into fight #10, and she’s met his mom. But he still hasn’t told her that he moonlights as a supernatural creature. Which makes the holidays… awkward.

Thank god Stiles and Lydia are the planners Scott never wanted to be, because they listen to his panicked phone call and then solve the dilemma he thought had been the realization that she doesn’t know he’s a part of a freaking pack of animals. Their official unofficial New Year’s get together is moved to the McCall house where there’s significantly less weird paraphernalia if you don’t know that werewolves exist. Liam makes a joke about Scott flashing his eyes that makes Bri stare at him just a little too long, and Derek accidentally says the word pack a little too loudly when he’s talking to Mason at one point. And when Bri asks about Braeden’s scar, Scott is so caught off guard, he can’t think of anything at all to say and just shrugs a silent I don’t know. But other than that, they might actually make it through this holiday unscathed.

It’s just into the last hour of the year when Scott steps into the kitchen to grab another sadly wolfsbane-less beer when he finds himself face-to-face with Malia. Literally. If it weren’t for coyote instincts, he would’ve hit her with the door.

“Whoa. Sorry,” he says, even as she’s shaking her head with a, “I didn’t know you were there.”

“Yeah. Same.”

Even though she was clearly headed out of the kitchen, she sinks back against the counter as the door swings shut behind him. He’s been home for a week, but this is the first time he’s seen her. In fact, it’s the first time he’s seen her in awhile. Paris led to a visit to London to stay with Ethan and Jackson, then to Spain where a friend of theirs had a pack that also had a werecoyote. She made it back stateside before the end of the year, but her traveling didn’t stop. Instead, she jumped from state to state, meeting pack after pack to learn more about the Hale legacy and the packs that had welcomed other coyotes just like her. So, yeah. It’s been a while.

He wants to tell her that she looks good, but without any effort on his part, Bri is suddenly in the forefront of his mind. “How was Michigan?” he asks instead as he leans against the island opposite her.

“Cold.”

The irony would be funny if it wasn’t directed at him. But her icy, monosyllabic response kind of just hangs between them, suspended by whatever she had wanted to say before something had stopped her, too. Unfortunately, he’s a sucker for this sort of thing.

“Yeah? Isn’t it midnight there already? Like New York?” There’s a roll of her eyes, and he suddenly remembers the time their Physics teacher called her out and Stiles had tried to argue she was blinking with style. She may be traveling the country to try to learn more about what it means to be a half human, but she has definitely mastered the art of the eye roll. She pushes herself off of the counter, too, and pretends to busy herself with the Keurig on the opposite side of the room, but Scott doesn’t give up so easily. “Derek says there’s a whole family of werecoyotes up there.”

“That’s a different pack,” she says at the same instant he remembers that was Minnesota, not Michigan.

“Oh. Yeah. Right.”

“Right,” Malia echoes. The Keurig buzzes loudly, the smell of coffee fills the room. It’s almost enough to cover up the scene of her sudden frustration.

He keeps waiting for her to say something. She’s not good with emotions, but she’s never one to hold her tongue. If it’s him that she’s frustrated with, she would tell him. But the Keurig eventually stops, and it’s just silent between them. He gives her another thirty seconds while she blows into her mug to cool it off, and then he decides he’s had enough staring at her back for one night.

“Well, it’s good to see you,” he says. She doesn’t even turn around. And he’s more hurt than indignant about whatever this is. So he decides to just let it go. “I guess I’ll - “

“Hey! There you are.”

At the sound of another person’s voice, Malia finally does turn around. Just before he turns to see Bri, too, Scott watches her expression change to match Michigan’s winter.

“Bri,” he announces as he gestures between the two girls. “This is Malia. Malia, Bri.”

Bri is bubbly and outgoing. She thrives on human contact and relationships and social situations. She’s been talking about meeting his friends for weeks. She even got Lydia to laugh at her joke, albeit at Scott’s expense, earlier tonight. She’s kind of the antithesis of Malia, and, as she squares her shoulders, Malia seems determined to prove it.

“Hi,” Bri greets her with a tiny wave of her hand. “Happy New Year. It’s nice to finally meet you. Scott’s told me so much about you.”

Malia rolls her eyes sky high a second time as she strides right past Bri. “New Year’s is stupid.”

“Yeah,” Scott agrees because he doesn’t know what else to say. “It’s kind of the worst.” But he hasn’t even finished talking by the time the door is swinging behind her.

He apologizes to Bri and texts Stiles an SOS. Being Malia’s closest friend, he helps to keep her occupied and there’s not another run-in the rest of the night. But as he’s kissing her at midnight, Scott realizes he doesn’t know if Bri is short for Brianne or Brianna or something else entirely.

It takes a few months for their relationship to fizzle out. He never does tell her about the werewolf thing. By next New Year’s, Bri is a distant memory.

New Year’s Eve, 2017

There’s a throbbing in the back of her head. That’s her first coherent thought before she even opens her eyes. Then she tries to turn over, and cries out as pain shoots up her side.

“Malia?”

She grows still at the sound of her own name in her half-conscious state. She’s still too groggy to even know where the sound came from, but her inner coyote processes it as a threat. She doesn’t move even though her side still aches, doesn’t breathe. And then, it speaks again.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

The tension leaves her body as she realizes she knows that voice. Slowly, she opens her eyes, but the room is bright with its harsh fluorescent light. She shuts them tightly again and curls in on herself, only to remember the pain in her side once it’s shooting down towards her thigh again. A little more tentatively, she just barely opens an eye to take her in her surroundings. It’s a hospital room, plain and white, and there’s Scott, just to the side of her bed. She wracks her brain trying to remember how she got here, but that throbbing grows worse, and she definitely doesn’t remember having seen Scott.

“What happened?” she finally asks.

“A hunter,” he sighs as he leans forward in the chair to rest his elbows on his knees. She watches, almost cross-eyed, as he reaches out to brush her hair back behind her ear with a level of gentleness that she doesn’t associate with Scott. “Derek said you guys would track them down when you heard more from Braeden’s contact, but you didn’t want to wait. So you went by yourself. They shot you.”

“That’s it?” Scott’s brow furrows as he stares back at her. But Malia doesn’t offer to explain as she instead tries to sit up. Scott’s hand is there in the next instant, stopping her with a firm hand on her shoulder.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lia, c’mon. I just told you. You were shot.”

“I’ve been shot,” she argues as she tries again to ignore the pain and sit up.

“Yeah, not like this.” She finally stops in favor of listening to him, rapt enough with attention to fall for his act as he gently lays her back down. “The bullet lodged in your side, and you started to heal around it.”

“Is it still there?”

“No. But trust me, I’ve been there.” His hand lingers on her shoulder still, even though she hasn’t made another move to get up. It takes her a minute to realize her side is tingling now, a sure sign that he’s leeching her pain. Immediately, she shrugs her shoulder, and he at least complies and lets go.

He drops his hand to his side instead, but doesn’t move from his place beside her bed. The fog in her head is starting to clear enough now that she remembers bits and pieces. The crunch of a second set of footsteps in the woods, the suddenness of the pain as it bloomed just above her hip, the relief that came after she decided to stop fighting and just let her eyes close. But Scott is nowhere in her memories of that night. He was supposed to be at Derek’s tonight. She was supposed to be at Derek’s too, she had just planned to show up late. She has no idea what time it is, but it has to be close to midnight, if it hasn’t passed already.

Her eye’s narrow in Scott’s direction as it finally clicks. “Why are you here?”

He scoffs. “Because you were shot.”

“But how did you know I was here?”

Scott’s gaze suddenly drops to his feet, and his face grows darker. When he starts to rub at the back of his neck, he looks just like Stiles does when he’s been caught meddling. She’s sure there’s a chemosignal or two there to clue her in, but her brain is too tired to find it. Eventually, he clears his throat. “I’m, uh, your emergency contact.”

Oh.

Her defensive demeanor drops as his words sink in. It was years ago when she had written him down, replacing her father who didn’t need to know every time the monster of the week almost won. But years ago, she and Scott had been … something that they weren’t anymore.

“Well, I’m fine,” she says, knowing Lydia would tell her to say thank you. “You can go.”

“C’mon, Malia. I’m not gonna go.” He settles back down on the edge of the chair like that proves it.

“But it’s New Year’s Eve. It’s almost midnight.”

“And?”

“And you should be with the pack.”

“So now you’re not in my pack anymore?” he asks with a teasing smile. “Plus, it’s already midnight in New York.”

Malia sighs, dropping her head back down on the pillow. She hates hospitals with a passion, and Scott understands better than anyone else. It’s the smells and the sounds and the chemosignals everyone throws off without even trying. It’s suffocating to be surrounded by so much suffering, and it’s not the way anyone should start a new year. “This is stupid,” she finally sighs.

“New Year’s is stupid,” he echoes, and, despite herself, there’s a warmth that settles in the pit of her stomach - or maybe it’s just the painkillers.

Scott watches her expectantly until she finally relents with a roll of her eyes. “The worst.”

Whatever they gave her for the pain is good and strong and her head is still full of clouds. She might fall asleep again, or maybe she just starts to daze, but the next thing she knows, she’s shivering so hard, she can hear the sound of her own teeth chattering. And each violent shake rattles her sore side where they had to take her apart to find the bullet.

“It’s okay,” Scott says, and she realizes then that he got up again, pulling the thin hospital blankets up to her chin. “Your body’s just fighting the anesthesia. Is that better?”

The blankets don’t do anything to stop her shiver, but she still nods as she says, “Fine.”

He doesn’t buy it, sighing through his nose. “Here,” he says as he begins to slide off the jacket he’s still wearing, laying it over the arm of his chair.

“Scott…”

But he ignores her as he comes around the other side of the bed and kicks off his shoes. He peels the blankets away from her, and the shivering immediately gets worse, but then his body is pressed against hers, his arm circling her waist. She forgot how warm his body always is until it’s surrounding her, beginning to ease the tension that comes with trying to fight the shivering. His hand settles just above her hip, and she’s too tired to say anything when that tingling sensation returns again.

“Better?” he asks when her body is almost still.

“Better.”

By the time midnight arrives, she’s fast asleep, beginning the new year free of pain.

New Year’s Eve, 2020

“Dude.”

Scott jumps, startled by Stiles’s voice despite the whole werewolf hearing and the sensing body heat thing. “What?”

“You’ve got it bad.” Stiles thumps him on the shoulder and nods towards the place by the window where Malia sways gently back and forth. It comes so naturally, Scott doesn’t even think she knows she’s doing it. But Talia is cutting her first molar and brushes away any hand that tries to soothe her swollen gums. Braeden’s sleeping form on the couch would be evidence enough of the battle they’ve been waging, even without the dark circles that surround Derek’s eyes, but Aunt Malia apparently has the magic touch. The baby’s been asleep against her shoulder for almost an hour, and she hasn’t stopped swaying since.

“I get it,” Stiles continues without an invite. “Lydia picks up Talia, and I immediately want to bone her. Even though she is definitely Team No Kids and plans to end her career without ever being traded.”

“I don’t want to -” Scott sputters, stuck on that next word when he juxtaposes Stiles’s crude phrasing with the woman across the room. So instead, he focuses on the second half of what Stiles just said. “Lydia doesn’t want kids?”

Stiles shrugs his shoulders. “She’s only got three more years to finish that PhD before 30. Plus does the world really need little Stilinskis running around?”

Scott should point out that there’s plenty of time once they’re 30 to start a family, which is exactly what Derek did - he thinks it’s what Derek did - But then Lydia is suddenly there, circling her arm around Stiles’s waist. Scott tries not to pay attention to the way that Stiles’s arm wraps around her shoulders and pulls her closer, but even after all this time, it still feels sudden and new and unexpected to see the two of them together. “So what do you think?” she asks, cheek pressed against Stiles’s shoulder. “Should we leave?”

The pack assembled is smaller this year, with Liam off in Seattle visiting Hayden, Mason and Corey visiting Ethan and Jackson in London, and Jordan is off meeting his girlfriend’s family now that she’s confirmed she’s okay with the fact that he spends half of his time as a hellhound. Now it’s just the three of them standing in the kitchen, while Malia rocks the baby and a bleary-eyed Derek simply watches. Lydia probably has the right idea.

“Leave?” Stiles apparently disagrees. “It’s not even midnight.”

“It’s already midnight in New York,” Scott counters, but unlike past New Year’s Eves, the two of them both turn their heads to stare at them. “What?” he asks with a shrug of his shoulders. “It is!”

“Well, we live in California, dude,” Stiles says. Then he literally turns his body to face Lydia, hand falling to her waist, and once again, Scott can’t not notice. “You really want to go?”

“I think they could use some sleep.” Lydia says it as a suggestion, but she’s already starting to clean up in the kitchen. And when she reminds Stiles of her grandmother’s belief that you spend New Year’s the way you spend the rest of the year with a hint at how she plans to spend the rest of the night that’s just unsubtle enough to make Scott feel like he shouldn’t be witnessing it, Stiles is on board. Derek half-heartedly tells them to not worry about the mess, but mostly watches as they take care of the remains of their half-hearted party. By the time Stiles and Lydia are slipping out the door, Derek’s dozed off beside Braeden on the couch.

Scott plans to head out, too. There’s nothing left to clean up, and Talia doesn’t seem to like him much when she’s not teething. But he pauses with his coat on and his hand on the door, turning back around to where Malia’s still standing in front of the picture windows facing the woods, swaying back and forth with the baby. And Stiles still isn’t right, but he can’t leave just yet.

To avoid waking the sleeping parents, he crosses the room again. She must hear him because she turns away from the window, widening the arch of her swaying. “Hey,” he says once he’s close enough for her to hear his voice when it’s just above a whisper. “Stiles and Lydia left.”

“I know,” she deadpans. “I can hear you guys talking.”

Scott laughs. In the eight years he’s known her, he’s watched her become more comfortable in this body. She understands emotions now, and she’s better in most social situations. It may have taken her a little longer, but come May, she’ll have a degree. And yet, he might like this side of her the most, matter-of-fact and so much like the girl they found in the woods.

“Well, I was thinking about -” He motions towards the door in the same instant he realizes he’s not totally sure why he feels like he has to announce this to her. But now she’s just staring at him in a way that implies this statement is no less intelligent the last. “I mean, I guess, if you want,” he says before he can stop himself. “If you didn’t want to spend New Year’s alone…”

Malia’s gaze softens then, less of a judgement over his confessions and maybe something bordering on consideration. The baby chooses that moment, though, to turn her face, nuzzling against Malia’s shoulder before growing still again. Malia looks down at the baby, and by the time she looks back at Scott, her expression has changed. “She just fell asleep. I should make sure she’s really down for the night.”

“Right. Yeah. Of course.”

Scott knows he should take a step back and say his goodbye. He should survey the kitchen one last time to make sure everything is picked up, even though Lydia would never have left if something was out of place. He should go home and text her at midnight, just like he’ll text Stiles and Lydia, Liam and Hayden, Mason and Ethan and Jackson. Instead, he stands rooted to the floor mesmerized as she rubs the baby’s small back,sending faintly dark lines up her wrist when she pauses to check the baby’s pain level.

“You know,” he finally says instead of I’m gonna go. “You’re really good with her.”

Malia shrugs. “It’s not hard.” There it is, that matter-of-factness again. “And it’s nice. To have family.”

There’s an ache in his chest that’s quickly replaced by a warmth as her words resonate with him. A lot of times, a lot of New Year’s he’s wondered if maybe it was a mistake to take her from that life she had settled into. Tonight, he wants to pull her close. He wants to tell her how glad he is that she’s there. He wants to brush back that hair that’s fallen forward from behind her ear. He wants -

Outside, someone sets off a premature firework. Scott and Malia both jump. Talia begins to scream. Her parents wake up with a start on the couch. And just like that, the moment is gone.

“It’s okay, Tal,” Malia says as she begins to bounce the baby, resuming the endless laps she did around the living room before the baby fell asleep the first time. “I know, New Year’s is stupid.”

“The. Worst,” he echoes.

Scott ends up letting himself out.

New Year’s Eve, 2021

Lydia Martin’s parties are a status symbol in Beacon Hills. Malia’s only been a part of her life for ten years, and even she knows that. And in 2021, Lydia Martin throws the party to end all parties, then follows it up with her first act as Lydia Martin-Stilinski, and throws the smallest party she’s ever thrown to welcome in the first full year she’ll spend as a married woman.

The Martin-Stilinski house is full. Talia spends the first half of the night playing peek-a-boo with everyone before she eventually curls up beneath the Christmas tree and falls asleep. Jackson repeatedly chokes up telling the story of Ethan’s proposal, and Lydia elbows Stiles every time he snorts halfway through the story. Derek and Braeden show no signs of falling asleep before midnight. It’s the pack Malia never wanted but now can’t seem to live without, just like Beacon Hills is the place she tried to escape and the home that welcomed her back. But still, there’s something about all of the wedding planning and baby games and feeling of family that leaves her feeling… She’s not sure.

It’s almost midnight when Lydia starts pulling down champagne flutes and Derek offers to help pour. Malia takes the excitement over the impending countdown as her invitation to slip outside.

It’s colder than she realized, and she shivers as she sits down on the back steps. It’s louder here, closer to the city and Stiles’s FBI placement, than it is back in Beacon Hills. She welcomes it as she focuses on the sirens and the traffic and neighbors’ top 40s playlist instead of that feeling welling inside of her.

As much as she hates New Year’s, it might be good to see this one go. It was the year Stiles married Lydia, which still feels weird but okay. It was the year she took a job at Scott’s clinic as a practicing vet tech. But it was also the year that her dad died, just a week after Thanksgiving, leaving her the sole survivor of the Tate family. So maybe it’s better to forge ahead into whatever comes next.

The sound of the door opening behind her cuts through the neighbors’ music and her thoughts, and she turns her head to find Scott there. “It’s almost midnight,” he tells her as he gently eases the door closed, then drops down to sit beside her. “Although, I guess it was midnight in New York three hours ago.”

Malia manages a small smile at the memory that feels so recent and yet like it happened in another lifetime. “True.”

Scott’s silent. The music next door turns off, and somewhere in the back of her mind, it registers that midnight must be closer than she realized. Part of her wants to run, and part of her wants to reach for his hand instead. It feels like a kind of middle ground to just stay there, sitting beside him with her thigh brushing against his but otherwise a safe distance between them.

“So the good news,” he offers when she doesn’t have anything else to say, “is that it gets better. It’s hard at first. This one sucks. Next one might be worse. But eventually, it doesn’t feel like that anymore. You don’t forget, it just doesn’t -”

“-Hurt,” she finishes.

“Yeah. Right.”

He reaches over to squeeze her knee, and then his hand lingers there, gentle and warm. He’s always been this gentle and warm presence in a life that was cold and unforgiving so much of the time, at least at first. Most of the time, she forgets that Scott is also the tragic hero in all of this. That she joined his pack at its most fragile point, and without an alpha like him, it probably wouldn’t have lasted long enough for her to even set down roots.

Against her better judgement, she covers his hand with her own and lets him lace their fingers together. “But New Year’s still sucks, right?” she asks with a smirk.

“Oh,” he scoffs. “It’s the worst.”

She laughs and then he joins in and the better he’s just promised doesn’t feel quite as far-fetched. He laughs more now, she finds herself thinking. He’s more confident than the boy who sat beside her next to a pool. There’s still sometimes an awkward power dynamic between Scott and Derek, but Scott fills out that title of alpha better than he did when she first met him. And he’s happy. Genuinely, truly. happy. As the lone survivor of a love affair for the ages, he’s doing pretty okay. Maybe she’s willing to share that lone survivor title, too.

“Y’know,” he says as he brushes his shoulder against hers. “We’re gonna miss midnight.”

He’s watching her expectantly, big brown eyes focused only on her, even as someone asks Where’s Scott? and What about Malia? a few yards behind them. She knows he hears it, too, but neither of them react.

“It’s still midnight out here,” she responds instead.

His hand stays woven with her as the countdown begins in the house behind them. There’s a nervous energy building inside of her, some wild animal trapped in her chest that might try to fight its way free at a moment’s notice. She’s back to wanting to run, but then he gives her hand a squeeze, and it at least takes the edge off.

Next door, there’s a collective cheer that drowns out the family waiting for them inside. She feels sick to her stomach, but she tries to focus on his palm against her own instead.

Gently, he reaches over to brush her hair back behind her ear where it’s fallen forward. “Happy New Year, Malia.”

“Happy New Year, Scott.”

And then he leans forward and kisses her. And if this is what it feels like to forge ahead into uncharted territory, she’s ready.

New Year’s Eve, 2023

For the first time in Scott’s recent memory, it’s a white New Year’s Eve in California. There’s literally a dusting that covers the grass and throws most of the state into a frenzy. It’s probably the first time in Malia’s life as a human that there’s been this much snow. And they miss the entire thing.

It’s late by the time the midwife has packed up her things and ventured back out into what the news referred to as the storm of the century. The pack won’t stop by until tomorrow, when there’s no longer a literal State of Emergency declared statewide. And in a moment, it becomes just the three of them: Malia, Scott, and all six pounds eight ounces of Tate McCall curled up against Scott’s chest.

His birth is as planned as the snow outside, having come nearly four weeks early, which is fitting when considering what a surprise his conception had been. But Scott can’t remember a time he felt more content, laying beside his girlfriend with his son sleeping soundly against his heart. It’s not the worst way to usher out the old and in the new.

Malia rolls gently onto her side, reaching out to run her hand over the soft mess of dark hair that covers the baby’s head, and Scott can only shake his head. “How are you even still awake?”

“I’m not tired.” He knows that’s a lie. Or if it’s not a lie, it’s the lingering adrenaline talking. He did a fraction of the work, and he still feels like he waged a war over the course of the past 22 hours. Reaching over now, he gently cups her elbow and sucks in a breath when he feels her pain shooting down his thighs, giving him just a taste of how sore she is. That alone should be enough to knock her out, and yet here she is, insisting on lying awake with them. He thinks she’s incredible.

“You should sleep,” she tries to argue instead.

“What did I even do?”

“You took my pain the whole time. Don’t even argue,” she says as she points in his direction. “I know you did.”

“Then how come you didn’t stop me?”

“It felt good.” They both start laughing until her body lets her know that laughter is not her friend, and she groans softly.

“Sorry,” Scott is quick to say. The baby squirms on his chest, and he can almost feel the tension as she holds her breath alongside him, but then the baby simply stops without ever waking up. “Seriously though, you should sleep while he’ll let us. It’s already almost midnight.”

Her eyes close like she might just take his advice, but she smiles sleepily. “It’s already midnight in New York.”

“And I guess New Year’s is stupid anyways, huh?”

Malia opens her eyes to look back over at the baby, whose birthday will now forever coincide with the national holiday. Earlier, when he had texted out the baby’s stats, Stiles had responded that if you were gonna have to share your birthday, you could’ve at least been the first baby of the New Year, which Tate fell short of by a few hours, but Scott disagreed. It had to feel good to feel like everyone was celebrating along with you. Malia reaches for his tiny hand now, and Scott watches as, even in sleep, the baby responds by holding onto her finger like it’s a lifeline. “I don’t know,” she finally admits. “It might not be that terrible.”

“Oh?” Scott asks, eyebrow raised in disbelief. “It’s not the worst?”

She hesitates, then shakes her head. “It might kind of be the best.”

As she begins to lose the battle and her eyes drift shut again, Scott can’t help but think, Yeah. This is kind of the best.

[inflagranteinnuendo]

92 Truths

Thanks @writefasttalkevenfaster​ for the tag ;)

LAST…

Drink  -Christine: Sauvignon Blanc (Kenzo, Napa Valley, California 2014) because it’s a dessert wine and i am a sweet mofo -Hun: like drink or ~drink~ because the answer is either water or tequila

Phone Call -Christine: a downtown law firm to enquire about a class action (really.) -Hun: my school’s financial aid office which is a wild ride

Song you listened to -Christine: Most of All, by JMSN -Hun: ocean eyes, by Billie Eilish

Time you cried -Christine: reading When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi -Hun: last night lol

HAVE YOU EVER ____?

Dated someone twice -Christine: yes. don’t do it, kids. -Hun: i literally haven’t even dated anyone once

Been cheated on -Christine: lmao i’d like to see them try and get away with it -Hun: no one has had the opportunity 

Kissed someone and regretted it -Christine: fuck. it was also like a slow realization of what the fuck did i do which i think is worse -Hun: haven’t kissed anyone at all lmao

Lost someone special - Christine: i only have one grandparent left - Hun: I also only have one grandparent left

Been Depressed - Christine: yep - Hun: ahuh

Been drunk and thrown up - Christine: yepppppp unfortunately - Hun: literally me like every 3 days

IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

Made a new friend -Christine: yesssss looking at you @writefasttalkevenfaster​ and @mrsrafaelbarba​ and also my hunny bunny - Hun: I made like 50+ doing some stuff at school which was cool and also mi monita (Christine)

Fallen out of love -Christine: yes and it was the best thing that has ever happened - Hun: this tag was meant for someone with a life 

Laughed until you cried -Christine: YES THIS PAST WEEK TWICE - Hun: Earlier in the year back when I hadn’t seen every vine compilation 100 times and they were still fresh to me lmao

Met someone who changed you -Christine: does raul esparza count (havent actually met him in person but my eyes have met him through a screen ok i just decided that esparza counts) - Hun: not really 

Found out who your true friends are -Christine: waddup 2012. turbulent year of back-stabbings  - Hun: definitely.

Found out someone was talking about you -Christine: yes and apparently I’m a cold elitist bitch, go figure. - Hun: actually no not at all but maybe people just aren’t telling me 

GENERAL

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life? -Christine: two - Hun: none

Do you have any pets? -Christine: no but i want a marimo moss ball - Hun: I have a basset hound!!!! His name is Bandit and he is the Best Boy™️!! 

Do you want to change your name? -Christine: my actual legal name gets butchered a lot but hey, if ppl can say arnold schwarzenegger then ppl can say mine, capice? i ain’t gonna change it for anybody’s lazy ass tongue. -Hun: Hun is actually a preferred name that I very much prefer but not at all professional sounding, so I like that my proper name is there to be ambiguous and will probably look cool on a name plate

What time did you wake up this morning? -Christine: 8:30AM because dis bitch is still on vacation - Hun: I am also on vacation still but I got up at noon lmao

What were you doing last night -Christine: writing this really sad dodds fic and quoting barba’s contrapasso closing argument @writefasttalkevenfaster​ sorry girl if it’s fair then it must be just - Hun: I binged watched a bunch of youtube beauty videos

Name something you cannot wait for  -Christine: to be finally settled into a residency program i actually like and enjoy - Hun: better

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? -Christine: nope - Hun: No actually 

What’s getting on your nerves right now? -Christine: other than my neurotransmitters nothing much - Hun: myself lol

Blood Type -Christine: Coffee+ -Hun: I don’t know but as a really bad anemic person I probably should shouldn’t I

Nickname -Christine: monkey, homicidal monkey in the hat (don’t ask. actually ask @mrsrafaelbarba​ or @writefasttalkevenfaster​) -Hun: bunny, hunny bunny, “hunty” by my sisters

Relationship status -Christine: single -Hun: caballo deprimido

Zodiac -Christine: scorpio -Hun: pisces 

Pronouns -Christine & Hun: she/her

Favorite Show -Christine: do not do this to me. I was into BBC Sherlock for a really long time (hence my @moriartyhiii​ URL) and now i’m into svu (hence this blog) -Hun: SVU of course

College -Christine: University of Depression, campus Crying. -Hun: lmao i go to NYU feel free to stalk 

Hair colour -Christine & Hun: Dark Brown

Do you have a crush on someone? -Christine: nope. haven’t since like 2015. -Hun: pete scallopini 

What do you like about yourself? -Christine: I like that I really know and respect myself  -Hun: ?? idk i’d like to think I’m pretty funny 

FIRSTS

Surgery -Christine: done on me- wisdom teeth removal, done on a patient- 14h bilateral lung transplant -Hun: Sometimes you get cysts and it be like that

Piercing -Christine: ears, circa 2014 -Hun: I got my ears pierced maybe in 2004? This says “firsts” but i’m gonna tell you anyway that I got them pierced 9 times lmao and i have my nose and bellybutton done 

Sport you joined -Christine: basketball grade 7-12 and first year of college, ballet from age 5 on and off till now, running from first year of college -Hun: I have never done physical activity in my life. I was in marching band lmao

Vacation -Christine: China, Japan, parts of Canada, Australia -Hun: I’ve been up north before (a michigan thing) but I had to hunt which is a pain to me so I wouldn’t call them vacations so I really have never 

Pair of sneakers -Christine: don’t do this to me don’t ok fine Reeboks, Nikes, New Balance, Nikes again, Puma -Hun: My first pair of sneakers? I dont get this category why would I know this? So I have many a nike for a person who doesn’t move but I have a pair of white fake keds that are torn and ripped and the bottoms don’t exist but I’m never throwing them away 

RIGHT NOW

Eating -Christine: air -Hun: nada

Drinking -Christine: water  -Hun: gatorade

I’m about to   -Christine: write a smut hc for you thirsty thirsty ppl -Hun: go back to bed

Listening to -Christine: Daydream by Medasin  -Hun: the fan 

Want kids? -Christine: max two -Hun: Idk I’m like 9 i need time to think

Get married? -Christine: probably? idk -Hun: well I sure fuckin hope

Career -Christine: Med student, aspiring surgeon -Hun: Student, receptionist, clarinet instructor who hopes she’ll be cut out for corporate law

WHICH IS BETTER?

Lips or eyes -Christine & Hun: Eyes

Hugs or kisses -Christine: kisses -Hun: I ain’t never done the kissing but I’m gonna assume its neat

Shorter or taller -Christine & Hun: Taller

Romantic or spontaneous -Christine & Hun: romantic

Sensitive or loud -Christine & Hun: sensitive

Hook up or relationship -Christine: let’s be completely honest here. nothing beats the feeling of fuck em & leave em wanting for more yes i am that asshole -Hun: ^^ I would love to be cool like that. But also *michael scott voice* I love [relationships]. Love to be a part of one someday.

Troublemaker or hesitant -Christine: troublemaker -Hun: hesitant. plz sit down, sir

HAVE YOU EVER…

Kissed a stranger -Christine: yes -Hun: sighing

Drank hard liquor -Christine: yes when i was 20 and thought macallan 25 was hard liquor -Hun: constantly

Lost contacts/glasses -Christine & Hun: dont wear either

Sex on first date -Christine: yep -Hun: now im just sad 

Broken someone’s heart -Christine: since we’ve established that i’m an asshole, yes -Hun: my own i’m boo boo the fool

Been arrested -Christine: Nope -Hun: well not “arrested” but I did have to sit in the back of a cop car for awhile lmao long story

Turned someone down -Christine: Yes -Hun: the opportunity has not presented itself

Fallen for a friend -Christine: kinda but i was like 11  -Hun: oh boy i have many a tale on this subject

DO YOU BELIEVE IN ___?

Yourself -Christine: Yes -Hun: lol

Miracles -Christine: no bec i’m a cynical mofo -Hun: at this point I sure hope

Love at first sight? -Christine: nope -Hun: i dont know her i suddenly can’t read

Heaven -Christine: nope -Hun: i do!! am i going?? probably not

Santa Claus -Christine: my brother does (he’s 9) and i buy his gifts so that makes me santa and since we’ve established that i believe in myself, then yes i believe in santa -Hun: my mom didn’t let me believe in santa ever so no, but i want you all to know i was such a good elementary school kid for not saying shit - when kids were mean to me i could’ve just wrecked them but I DID NOT

I tag @barbabangme, @serendiptious-esparza, @dreila03

[scoliasecretsanta]

Scolia Secret Santa - What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?

for: @allisonscott

title: What Are You Doing New Year’s Eve? word count: 7,431 genre: angst/fluff author’s note: I wanted to give you a slow-build, friends-to-lovers kind of thing, so I hope you enjoy these snapshots of NYEs over the course of twelve years. :)

<b>New Year’s Eve, 2011</b>

Lydia Martin’s parties are a status symbol in Beacon Hills. You’re not <i>someone</i> unless you can somehow score an invite, and nothing rivals her New Year’s Eve party. Two years ago, Scott had spent New Year’s binge watching Marvel movies with his mom and Stiles, listening to Stiles volley between lamenting their low, <i>low</i> status and inventing possible scenarios of what was unfolding at the party across town. This year, Scott wanders that same party, followed by the ghost of a girl he’s not quite ready to shake and mentally curses Lydia Martin and her parties for bringing Allison Argent into his life.

At ten minutes till midnight, he’s still torn between wanting to leave this godawful year behind and not being ready to part with what 2011 will signify for the rest of his life. Suddenly, it’s too warm in the overcrowded living room where someone’s starting to pass out poppers, so he walks past the kitchen where Lydia and Derek are filling solo cups with champagne and finds himself in the backyard. He expects to be alone - after all, it’s almost midnight - but there’s a flash of movement near the pool, and he looks over just as Malia’s head whips around. She’s sitting cross-legged on the tiled border, dressed in cutoffs and a sweatshirt that looks an awful lot like Stiles’s lacrosse hoodie. From where he stands on the patio, it looks like she’s shivering.

His initial reaction is to turn around and head back inside. Malia’s become a staple lately, a siamese twin glued to Stiles’s side, but Scott still doesn’t feel like he <i>knows</i> her - and he’s not sure he wants to. (Stiles’s survivor guilt has him throwing himself into saving someone else while Scott’s has him certain he shouldn’t be allowed to lead a pack.) But then he makes eye contact with her, and he can’t just slip back inside.

“It’s almost midnight,” he says instead as he lingers in that spot just outside the door. He silently wills her to give up her spot and go join the party’s impending countdown.

She shrugs instead. “It was midnight three hours ago in New York.”

The thought hadn’t crossed his mind that across the country, it’s already a year where she will never exist, and he feels warm again. He can’t head back inside now. The only other choice is to cross the patio.

“Okay, true,” he concedes, even as his body wants to rebel. He forces himself to say it, the same way he forces himself to stand there when what he really wanted was to be alone. “Where’s Stiles?”

“Asleep.”

“Asleep?”

Malia nods. She doesn’t offer any more information at first. Instead, she gazes out over the pool for a long, silent minute before she finally says, “He still smells like it.”

Scott knows what she means. He can still smell it, too, the way it lingers on his best friend, even after the dark circles faded from around Stiles’s eyes and his skin turned to its normal pale instead of deathly white. But it’s like there’s been some unspoken promise between Scott and Malia to not tell Stiles. After all, he’s still just barely enough on this side of things to fall asleep in the middle of parties.

“He’s gonna be fine,” Scott says, grateful he hasn’t yet taught her about the way heartbeats speed up when someone tells a half-truth. Fine is probably outside the realm of possibility, has been since Scott got bit, but his glass has always been half-full too.

Malia doesn’t even acknowledge that he talked, though. She just keeps staring across the backyard like there’s something out there he’s missed. Her voice isn’t as raspy as it was when she first shifted back to this body, but she still doesn’t talk much. She doesn’t make much eye contact either. Really, she doesn’t do much with anyone who isn’t Stiles. And with him asleep in the guest room upstairs, she’s much less the furious half-animal out for vengeance from the people who forced her into this life and much more the scared half-girl who still hasn’t figured this whole human thing out. And at seven minutes to midnight, he can’t just leave her out there alone.

With a sigh, he gives up his hope of being alone when his first year post-Allison begins and crosses the few yards between himself and Malia. At least she finally turns her head to look at him when he drops down beside her.

“You know, you’re gonna miss it.” Malia just keeps staring at him until he finally elaborates. “Midnight. Here, in California.”

“I don’t care.”

Music spills out of the house behind them, coupled with excited voices as the new year gets closer. It’s too jubilant to match the tightness that grows in his chest every time he checks the time on his phone. Scott needs a distraction, which is how he ends up putting his foot in his mouth.

First, though, he presses his palms against the mosaiced walkway and leans back so he can see her face. “Do you remember New Year’s? From before?”

She shoots him a look that’s definitely more furious half-animal than scared half-girl and bares her teeth.

Scott doesn’t recoil. In his head, he can see Stiles placing a gentle, albeit poorly timed, hand on her shoulder as he reminds her <i>Not at friends. Not at people <b>period</b>. </i>But Scott doesn’t say anything. Baring your teeth at the new year feels somehow appropriate tonight. He also doesn’t expect her to tell him anything else, which is why he’s surprised when she talks again.

“The last New Year’s I remember, my dad told me it was gonna be my year. Then three months later, I killed my mom and my sister.”

Again, Stiles’s voice is there in the back of his head, reminding him that they need to keep telling her <i>it wasn’t her fault</i>. But Scott pushes it away. The heaviness in his own heart says guilt doesn’t work that way. Instead, he lays back in the cold grass, trying to ignore the way the music has stopped. The way people are louder, more excited. He can’t get his hands to move the right way to check the time on his phone again, though, so he folds them under his head.

“The last time my mom made us make resolutions was the last new year’s before my dad walked out,” he tells her, swapping terrible holiday for terrible holiday. He’s not sure why he tells her at all until she lays back beside him, and it seems to make sense.

“New Year’s is stupid.”

“The worst.”

It catches him off-guard when the countdown starts inside. His chest pulls tighter and tighter until it feels like he can’t breath. Until he sees stars. Until he starts to wonder if this is what Stiles’s panic attacks feel like.

<i>Happy New Year! </i>the collective voices inside cheer, and his heart lodges itself in the back of his throat, threatening to choke him.

“It’s midnight,” Malia sighs beside him.

Her words come back to him without any conscious effort on his part, and his throat starts to feel like it might not close up after all. “It was midnight three hours ago in New York.”

<b>New Year’s Eve/Day, 2013 </b>

Paris has been good for her. Scott, Stiles, Lydia, even Derek got to <i>just be</i> for parts of high school. They all had memories of parties, dances, first dates, and friday night games. And (at least by the time she settled into her new skin) Malia had berserkers and dread doctors and a homicidal mom for good measure. But in Paris, she gets to <i>just be</i>. There’s dance clubs and boys with names she sometimes can’t pronounce and liquor laced with wolfsbane once she finds a pack Derek gives her the name of. And it’s everything she wanted it to be.

By New Year’s Eve, she’s been there almost a week. She still barely knows any French, but that just gives her an excuse to not talk when she’d rather be doing other things with her mouth. She spends the holiday out with the two youngest members of the pack she’s stumbled upon, then ends up in the quiet of an apartment with Paul, who she met a few hours ago. She has no idea when the clock switches over to a new year, and it’s bliss.

The sky is still grey the next morning when she wakes up to a buzzing that sounds like it’s just below her ear. It takes her a minute to figure out what just woke her, another to remember where she is, and thirty seconds more to realize that it’s her phone in the pocket of her discarded cuttoffs on the floor. Trying to stay as still as possible to avoid waking Paul, she slides her arm across the mattress until she can reach her pocket, then fishes around until she finally finds her phone. She pulls it out and flips it over to find Scott’s name on the screen, and there’s a weird tug at her heart.

<i>I don’t know what time it is there, but it’s midnight in New York, so I think it’s the new year there? </i>

It’s the first time it dawns on her that it is indeed the New Year, and she’s about to tell him as much when the … appears on the screen to let her know that he’s typing again.

<i>Stiles just pointed out that I could’ve Googled that. So it’s six there.

He wants you to know he had to tell me cause he’s an asshole.

Anyways, Happy New Year. </i>

Malia can picture them; half a world away, they’re probably in Derek’s loft. Just like they were for Christmas, except the Sheriff and Melissa probably aren’t there this time. Lydia didn’t throw a party last year when they were all at odds with one another, and holidays feel different now when it’s the only time Stiles and Lydia make the trip back from the east coast. Which is probably why Scott reacted the way he did when she told him on Christmas she was leaving the next day for Paris. But Lydia had MIT, and Scott had Davis, and Malia <i>needed </i>this.

<i>Happy New Year</i>, she writes and then deletes it. <i>New Year’s is stupid</i>, she writes back instead.

She waits for his … to appear again, but it doesn’t. Derek texts her to wish her a Happy New Year, though, and so does Stiles, so she responds to both of them before she comes back to her message thread with Scott. Scrolling back up, she reads through their texts that stop abruptly on Christmas, right around the time she told him her plan out on Derek’s fire escape. He and Lydia had deferred for a semester while they fought a literal war, but they planned to leave Beacon Hills behind after the holiday. And Malia had still wanted her time to <i>just be</i>, to figure out who she was when she wasn’t Stiles’s girlfriend or Peter Hale’s daughter.

But Scott hadn’t understood, partly because they were still in the middle of… something. He never sat her down the way Stiles had, back when he had defined the word <i>girlfriend</i> for her and then panicked when she substituted it for <i>mate</i>, but they had spent a lot of time together. His mom started expecting her to wander downstairs in the morning after she sat them down to remind them that they both had <i>goals for the future that a diaper bag doesn’t fit into</i> (Malia didn’t get it). But Scott planned to leave, and Malia planned to do the same. And now, things had been weird.

She makes it to four days before she left when her screen suddenly jumps on its own, bringing her back down to his newest message: <i>The worst. </i>

Malia feels that same tug at her heart as she pictures him not in Derek’s loft but laying beside her in the grass instead. Younger, but somehow more worn. Maybe a little broken.

She’s not sure what else to say, but his … saves her again, and then is replaced by his next message: <i>How’s 2014</i>?

<i>Lonely</i> is the first word that comes to mind, even though Paul’s arm is still thrown around her waist. <i>Kind of the same</i>, she says instead.

She watches as he types something, then must delete, then types something again. Over and over, the cursor appears and then disappears again without another text. Then finally, he sends back a single word.

<i>Cool.</i>

It’s quick and short. She pictures him setting his phone back down or pocketing it again, then joining back in the conversation about Braeden’s latest mission or Stiles’s weird roommate who can’t sleep with the closet door closed. Time doesn’t really matter to her and time zones still make no sense, but for a minute, she can <i>feel</i> the distance between them now that they’re living in two different countries <i>and</i> two different years.

Before she can stop herself, she types out <i>I miss you.</i>

Her finger hovers over send for just a half second too long, and then, just when she’s about to press it, Paul stirs beside her, tugging her closer in his half-asleep state.

“What time is it?” he mumbles as he buries his face against the back of her neck. His stubble rubs against her skin in a way that’s nothing like Scott.

“A little after six.”

“ ‘S early.”

“Not <i>that</i> early,” she argues as she sets her phone back down on the floor and flips over on the mattress so that his lips meet hers instead of the back of her neck.

A few hours later, she finds her text to Scott, still waiting to be sent. She deletes it instead and doesn’t text him again until they’re both in the same year<i> and</i> the same country.

<b>New Year’s Eve, 2015</b> Her name is Bri. He meets her in a Starbucks on a Friday night when he’s claimed a secluded table in the corner where he won’t have to listen to his roommate fight with his girlfriend for the ninth - <i>ninth</i> - time this week, and she asks to take the other half of the table. Six months later, she’s settled into the apartment he started renting after his roommate and his now ex got into fight #10, and she’s met his mom. But he still hasn’t told her that he moonlights as a supernatural creature. Which makes the holidays… awkward.

Thank god Stiles and Lydia are the planners Scott never wanted to be, because they listen to his panicked phone call and then solve the dilemma he thought had been the realization that she doesn’t know he’s a part of a freaking <i>pack</i> of animals. Their official unofficial New Year’s get together is moved to the McCall house where there’s significantly less weird paraphernalia if you don’t know that werewolves exist. Liam makes a joke about Scott flashing his eyes that makes Bri stare at him just a little too long, and Derek accidentally says the word pack a little too loudly when he’s talking to Mason at one point. And when Bri asks about Braeden’s scar, Scott is so caught off guard, he can’t think of anything at all to say and just shrugs a silent <i>I don’t know.</i> But other than that, they might actually make it through this holiday unscathed.

It’s just into the last hour of the year when Scott steps into the kitchen to grab another sadly wolfsbane-less beer when he finds himself face-to-face with Malia. Literally. If it weren’t for coyote instincts, he would’ve hit her with the door.

“Whoa. Sorry,” he says, even as she’s shaking her head with a, “I didn’t know you were there.”

“Yeah. Same.”

Even though she was clearly headed out of the kitchen, she sinks back against the counter as the door swings shut behind him. He’s been home for a week, but this is the first time he’s seen her. In fact, it’s the first time he’s seen her in awhile. Paris led to a visit to London to stay with Ethan and Jackson, then to Spain where a friend of theirs had a pack that also had a werecoyote. She made it back stateside before the end of the year, but her traveling didn’t stop. Instead, she jumped from state to state, meeting pack after pack to learn more about the Hale legacy and the packs that had welcomed other coyotes just like her. So, yeah. It’s been a while.

He wants to tell her that she looks good, but without any effort on his part, Bri is suddenly in the forefront of his mind. “How was Michigan?” he asks instead as he leans against the island opposite her.

“Cold.”

The irony would be funny if it wasn’t directed at him. But her icy, monosyllabic response kind of just hangs between them, suspended by whatever she had wanted to say before something had stopped her, too. Unfortunately, he’s a sucker for this sort of thing.

“Yeah? Isn’t it midnight there already? Like New York?” There’s a roll of her eyes, and he suddenly remembers the time their Physics teacher called her out and Stiles had tried to argue she was <i>blinking with style. </i>She may be traveling the country to try to learn more about what it means to be a half human, but she has definitely mastered the art of the eye roll. She pushes herself off of the counter, too, and pretends to busy herself with the Keurig on the opposite side of the room, but Scott doesn’t give up so easily. “Derek says there’s a whole family of werecoyotes up there.”

“That’s a different pack,” she says at the same instant he remembers that was Minnesota, not Michigan.

“Oh. Yeah. Right.”

“Right,” Malia echoes. The Keurig buzzes loudly, the smell of coffee fills the room. It’s almost enough to cover up the scene of her sudden frustration.

He keeps waiting for her to say something. She’s not good with emotions, but she’s never one to hold her tongue. If it’s him that she’s frustrated with, she would tell him. But the Keurig eventually stops, and it’s just silent between them. He gives her another thirty seconds while she blows into her mug to cool it off, and then he decides he’s had enough staring at her back for one night.

“Well, it’s good to see you,” he says. She doesn’t even turn around. And he’s more hurt than indignant about whatever<i> this </i>is. So he decides to just let it go. “I guess I’ll - “

“Hey! There you are.”

At the sound of another person’s voice, Malia finally does turn around. Just before he turns to see Bri, too, Scott watches her expression change to match Michigan’s winter.

“Bri,” he announces as he gestures between the two girls. “This is Malia. Malia, Bri.”

Bri is bubbly and outgoing. She thrives on human contact and relationships and social situations. She’s been talking about meeting his friends for <i>weeks</i>. She even got Lydia to laugh at her joke, albeit at Scott’s expense, earlier tonight. She’s kind of the antithesis of Malia, and, as she squares her shoulders, Malia seems determined to prove it.

“Hi,” Bri greets her with a tiny wave of her hand. “Happy New Year. It’s nice to finally meet you. Scott’s told me so much about you.”

Malia rolls her eyes sky high a second time as she strides right past Bri. “New Year’s is stupid.”

“Yeah,” Scott agrees because he doesn’t know what else to say. “It’s kind of the worst.” But he hasn’t even finished talking by the time the door is swinging behind her.

He apologizes to Bri and texts Stiles an SOS. Being Malia’s closest friend, he helps to keep her occupied and there’s not another run-in the rest of the night. But as he’s kissing her at midnight, Scott realizes he doesn’t know if Bri is short for Brianne or Brianna or something else entirely.

It takes a few months for their relationship to fizzle out. He never does tell her about the werewolf thing. By next New Year’s, Bri is a distant memory.

<b>New Year’s Eve, 2017</b>

There’s a throbbing in the back of her head. That’s her first coherent thought before she even opens her eyes. Then she tries to turn over, and cries out as pain shoots up her side.

“Malia?”

She grows still at the sound of her own name in her half-conscious state. She’s still too groggy to even know where the sound came from, but her inner coyote processes it as a threat. She doesn’t move even though her side still aches, doesn’t breathe. And then, it speaks again.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re okay.”

The tension leaves her body as she realizes she knows that voice. Slowly, she opens her eyes, but the room is bright with its harsh fluorescent light. She shuts them tightly again and curls in on herself, only to remember the pain in her side once it’s shooting down towards her thigh again. A little more tentatively, she just barely opens an eye to take her in her surroundings. It’s a hospital room, plain and white, and there’s Scott, just to the side of her bed. She wracks her brain trying to remember how she got here, but that throbbing grows worse, and she definitely doesn’t remember having seen Scott.

“What happened?” she finally asks.

“A hunter,” he sighs as he leans forward in the chair to rest his elbows on his knees. She watches, almost cross-eyed, as he reaches out to brush her hair back behind her ear with a level of gentleness that she doesn’t associate with <i>Scott</i>. “Derek said you guys would track them down when you heard more from Braeden’s contact, but you didn’t want to wait. So you went by yourself. They shot you.”

“That’s it?” Scott’s brow furrows as he stares back at her. But Malia doesn’t offer to explain as she instead tries to sit up. Scott’s hand is there in the next instant, stopping her with a firm hand on her shoulder.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Lia, c’mon. I just told you. You were <i>shot</i>.”

“I’ve <i>been</i> shot,” she argues as she tries again to ignore the pain and sit up.

“Yeah, not like this.” She finally stops in favor of listening to him, rapt enough with attention to fall for his act as he gently lays her back down. “The bullet lodged in your side, and you started to heal around it.”

“Is it still there?”

“No. But trust me, I’ve been there.” His hand lingers on her shoulder still, even though she hasn’t made another move to get up. It takes her a minute to realize her side is tingling now, a sure sign that he’s leeching her pain. Immediately, she shrugs her shoulder, and he at least complies and lets go.

He drops his hand to his side instead, but doesn’t move from his place beside her bed. The fog in her head is starting to clear enough now that she remembers bits and pieces. The crunch of a second set of footsteps in the woods, the suddenness of the pain as it bloomed just above her hip, the relief that came after she decided to stop fighting and just let her eyes close. But Scott is nowhere in her memories of that night. He was supposed to be at Derek’s tonight. <i>She</i> was supposed to be at Derek’s too, she had just planned to show up late. She has no idea what time it is, but it has to be close to midnight, if it hasn’t passed already.

Her eye’s narrow in Scott’s direction as it finally clicks. “Why are you here?”

He scoffs. “Because you were shot.”

“But how did you know I was here?”

Scott’s gaze suddenly drops to his feet, and his face grows darker. When he starts to rub at the back of his neck, he looks just like Stiles does when he’s been caught meddling. She’s sure there’s a chemosignal or two there to clue her in, but her brain is too tired to find it. Eventually, he clears his throat. “I’m, uh, your emergency contact.”

<i>Oh.</i>

Her defensive demeanor drops as his words sink in. It was years ago when she had written him down, replacing her father who didn’t need to know every time the monster of the week almost won. But years ago, she and Scott had been … something that they weren’t anymore.

“Well, I’m fine,” she says, knowing Lydia would tell her to say <i>thank you</i>. “You can go.”

“C’mon, Malia. I’m not gonna go.” He settles back down on the edge of the chair like that proves it.

“But it’s New Year’s Eve. It’s almost midnight.”

“And?”

“And you should be with the pack.”

“So now you’re not in my pack anymore?” he asks with a teasing smile. “Plus, it’s already midnight in New York.”

Malia sighs, dropping her head back down on the pillow. She hates hospitals with a passion, and Scott understands better than anyone else. It’s the smells and the sounds and the chemosignals everyone throws off without even trying. It’s suffocating to be surrounded by so much suffering, and it’s not the way anyone should start a new year. “This is stupid,” she finally sighs.

“New Year’s is stupid,” he echoes, and, despite herself, there’s a warmth that settles in the pit of her stomach - or maybe it’s just the painkillers.

Scott watches her expectantly until she finally relents with a roll of her eyes. “The worst.”

Whatever they gave her for the pain is <i>good</i> and <i>strong</i> and her head is still full of clouds. She might fall asleep again, or maybe she just starts to daze, but the next thing she knows, she’s shivering so hard, she can hear the sound of her own teeth chattering. And each violent shake rattles her sore side where they had to take her apart to find the bullet.

“It’s okay,” Scott says, and she realizes then that he got up again, pulling the thin hospital blankets up to her chin. “Your body’s just fighting the anesthesia. Is that better?”

The blankets don’t do anything to stop her shiver, but she still nods as she says, “Fine.”

He doesn’t buy it, sighing through his nose. “Here,” he says as he begins to slide off the jacket he’s still wearing, laying it over the arm of his chair.

“Scott…”

But he ignores her as he comes around the other side of the bed and kicks off his shoes. He peels the blankets away from her, and the shivering immediately gets worse, but then his body is pressed against hers, his arm circling her waist. She forgot how warm his body always is until it’s surrounding her, beginning to ease the tension that comes with trying to fight the shivering. His hand settles just above her hip, and she’s too tired to say anything when that tingling sensation returns again.

“Better?” he asks when her body is almost still.

“Better.”

By the time midnight arrives, she’s fast asleep, beginning the new year free of pain.

<b>New Year’s Eve, 2020</b>

<i>“Dude.”</i>

Scott jumps, startled by Stiles’s voice despite the whole werewolf hearing and the sensing body heat thing. “What?”

“You’ve got it bad.” Stiles thumps him on the shoulder and nods towards the place by the window where Malia sways gently back and forth. It comes so naturally, Scott doesn’t even think she knows she’s doing it. But Talia is cutting her first molar and brushes away any hand that tries to soothe her swollen gums. Braeden’s sleeping form on the couch would be evidence enough of the battle they’ve been waging, even without the dark circles that surround Derek’s eyes, but Aunt Malia apparently has the magic touch. The baby’s been asleep against her shoulder for almost an hour, and she hasn’t stopped swaying since.

“I get it,” Stiles continues without an invite. “Lydia picks up Talia, and I immediately want to bone her. Even though she is definitely Team No Kids and plans to end her career without ever being traded.”

“I don’t want to -” Scott sputters, stuck on that next word when he juxtaposes Stiles’s crude phrasing with the woman across the room. So instead, he focuses on the second half of what Stiles just said. “Lydia doesn’t want kids?”

Stiles shrugs his shoulders. “She’s only got three more years to finish that PhD before 30. Plus does the world really need little Stilinskis running around?”

Scott should point out that there’s plenty of time once they’re 30 to start a family, which is exactly what Derek did - he <i>thinks</i> it’s what Derek did - But then Lydia is suddenly there, circling her arm around Stiles’s waist. Scott tries not to pay attention to the way that Stiles’s arm wraps around her shoulders and pulls her closer, but even after all this time, it still feels sudden and new and unexpected to see the two of them together. “So what do you think?” she asks, cheek pressed against Stiles’s shoulder. “Should we leave?”

The pack assembled is smaller this year, with Liam off in Seattle visiting Hayden, Mason and Corey visiting Ethan and Jackson in London, and Jordan is off meeting his girlfriend’s family now that she’s confirmed she’s okay with the fact that he spends half of his time as a hellhound. Now it’s just the three of them standing in the kitchen, while Malia rocks the baby and a bleary-eyed Derek simply watches. Lydia probably has the right idea.

“<i>Leave</i>?” Stiles apparently disagrees. “It’s not even midnight.”

“It’s already midnight in New York,” Scott counters, but unlike past New Year’s Eves, the two of them both turn their heads to stare at them. “What?” he asks with a shrug of his shoulders. “It is!”

“Well, we live in California, dude,” Stiles says. Then he literally turns his body to face Lydia, hand falling to her waist, and once again, Scott can’t not notice. “You really want to go?”

“I think they could use some sleep.” Lydia says it as a suggestion, but she’s already starting to clean up in the kitchen. And when she reminds Stiles of her grandmother’s belief that you spend New Year’s the way you spend the rest of the year with a hint at how she plans to spend the rest of the night that’s just unsubtle enough to make Scott feel like he shouldn’t be witnessing it, Stiles is on board. Derek half-heartedly tells them to not worry about the mess, but mostly watches as they take care of the remains of their half-hearted party. By the time Stiles and Lydia are slipping out the door, Derek’s dozed off beside Braeden on the couch.

Scott plans to head out, too. There’s nothing left to clean up, and Talia doesn’t seem to like him much when she’s not teething. But he pauses with his coat on and his hand on the door, turning back around to where Malia’s still standing in front of the picture windows facing the woods, swaying back and forth with the baby. And Stiles still isn’t right, but he can’t leave just yet.

To avoid waking the sleeping parents, he crosses the room again. She must hear him because she turns away from the window, widening the arch of her swaying. “Hey,” he says once he’s close enough for her to hear his voice when it’s just above a whisper. “Stiles and Lydia left.”

“I know,” she deadpans. “I can hear you guys talking.”

Scott laughs. In the eight years he’s known her, he’s watched her become more comfortable in this body. She understands emotions now, and she’s better in most social situations. It may have taken her a little longer, but come May, she’ll have a degree. And yet, he might like this side of her the most, matter-of-fact and so much like the girl they found in the woods.

“Well, I was thinking about -” He motions towards the door in the same instant he realizes he’s not totally sure why he feels like he has to announce this to her. But now she’s just staring at him in a way that implies this statement is no less intelligent the last. “I mean, I guess, if you want,” he says before he can stop himself. “If you didn’t want to spend New Year’s alone…”

Malia’s gaze softens then, less of a judgement over his confessions and maybe something bordering on consideration. The baby chooses that moment, though, to turn her face, nuzzling against Malia’s shoulder before growing still again. Malia looks down at the baby, and by the time she looks back at Scott, her expression has changed. “She just fell asleep. I should make sure she’s really down for the night.”

“Right. Yeah. Of course.”

Scott knows he should take a step back and say his goodbye. He should survey the kitchen one last time to make sure everything is picked up, even though Lydia would never have left if something was out of place. He should go home and text her at midnight, just like he’ll text Stiles and Lydia, Liam and Hayden, Mason and Ethan and Jackson. Instead, he stands rooted to the floor mesmerized as she rubs the baby’s small back,sending faintly dark lines up her wrist when she pauses to check the baby’s pain level.

“You know,” he finally says instead of <i>I’m gonna go</i>. “You’re really good with her.”

Malia shrugs. “It’s not hard.” There it is, that matter-of-factness again. “And it’s nice. To have family.”

There’s an ache in his chest that’s quickly replaced by a warmth as her words resonate with him. A lot of times, a lot of New Year’s he’s wondered if maybe it was a mistake to take her from that life she had settled into. Tonight, he wants to pull her close. He wants to tell her how glad he is that she’s there. He wants to brush back that hair that’s fallen forward from behind her ear. He wants -

Outside, someone sets off a premature firework. Scott and Malia both jump. Talia begins to scream. Her parents wake up with a start on the couch. And just like that, the moment is gone.

“It’s okay, Tal,” Malia says as she begins to bounce the baby, resuming the endless laps she did around the living room before the baby fell asleep the first time. “I know, New Year’s is stupid.”

“The. Worst,” he echoes.

Scott ends up letting himself out.

<b>New Year’s Eve, 2021</b>

Lydia Martin’s parties are a status symbol in Beacon Hills. Malia’s only been a part of her life for ten years, and even she knows that. And in 2021, Lydia Martin throws the party to end all parties, then follows it up with her first act as Lydia Martin-<i>Stilinski</i>, and throws the smallest party she’s ever thrown to welcome in the first full year she’ll spend as a married woman.

The Martin-Stilinski house is full. Talia spends the first half of the night playing peek-a-boo with everyone before she eventually curls up beneath the Christmas tree and falls asleep. Jackson repeatedly chokes up telling the story of Ethan’s proposal, and Lydia elbows Stiles every time he snorts halfway through the story. Derek and Braeden show no signs of falling asleep before midnight. It’s the pack Malia never wanted but now can’t seem to live without, just like Beacon Hills is the place she tried to escape and the home that welcomed her back. But still, there’s something about all of the wedding planning and baby games and feeling of family that leaves her feeling… She’s not sure.

It’s almost midnight when Lydia starts pulling down champagne flutes and Derek offers to help pour. Malia takes the excitement over the impending countdown as her invitation to slip outside.

It’s colder than she realized, and she shivers as she sits down on the back steps. It’s louder here, closer to the city and Stiles’s FBI placement, than it is back in Beacon Hills. She welcomes it as she focuses on the sirens and the traffic and neighbors’ top 40s playlist instead of that feeling welling inside of her.

As much as she hates New Year’s, it might be good to see this one go. It was the year Stiles married Lydia, which still feels weird but okay. It was the year she took a job at Scott’s clinic as a practicing vet tech. But it was also the year that her dad died, just a week after Thanksgiving, leaving her the sole survivor of the Tate family. So maybe it’s better to forge ahead into whatever comes next.

The sound of the door opening behind her cuts through the neighbors’ music and her thoughts, and she turns her head to find Scott there. “It’s almost midnight,” he tells her as he gently eases the door closed, then drops down to sit beside her. “Although, I guess it was midnight in New York three hours ago.”

Malia manages a small smile at the memory that feels so recent and yet like it happened in another lifetime. “True.”

Scott’s silent. The music next door turns off, and somewhere in the back of her mind, it registers that midnight must be closer than she realized. Part of her wants to run, and part of her wants to reach for his hand instead. It feels like a kind of middle ground to just stay there, sitting beside him with her thigh brushing against his but otherwise a safe distance between them.

“So the good news,” he offers when she doesn’t have anything else to say, “is that it gets better. It’s hard at first. This one sucks. Next one might be worse. But eventually, it doesn’t feel like that anymore. You don’t forget, it just doesn’t -”

“-Hurt,” she finishes.

“Yeah. Right.”

He reaches over to squeeze her knee, and then his hand lingers there, gentle and warm. He’s always been this gentle and warm presence in a life that was cold and unforgiving so much of the time, at least at first. Most of the time, she forgets that Scott is also the tragic hero in all of this. That she joined his pack at its most fragile point, and without an alpha like him, it probably wouldn’t have lasted long enough for her to even set down roots.

Against her better judgement, she covers his hand with her own and lets him lace their fingers together. “But New Year’s still sucks, right?” she asks with a smirk.

“<i>Oh</i>,” he scoffs. “It’s the worst.”

She laughs and then he joins in and the <i>better</i> he’s just promised doesn’t feel quite as far-fetched. He laughs more now, she finds herself thinking. He’s more confident than the boy who sat beside her next to a pool. There’s still sometimes an awkward power dynamic between Scott and Derek, but Scott fills out that title of alpha better than he did when she first met him. And he’s happy. Genuinely, truly. happy. As the lone survivor of a love affair for the ages, he’s doing pretty okay. Maybe she’s willing to share that lone survivor title, too.

“Y’know,” he says as he brushes his shoulder against hers. “We’re gonna miss midnight.”

He’s watching her expectantly, big brown eyes focused only on her, even as someone asks <i>Where’s Scott?</i> and <i>What about Malia? </i>a few yards behind them. She knows he hears it, too, but neither of them react.

“It’s still midnight out here,” she responds instead.

His hand stays woven with her as the countdown begins in the house behind them. There’s a nervous energy building inside of her, some wild animal trapped in her chest that might try to fight its way free at a moment’s notice. She’s back to wanting to run, but then he gives her hand a squeeze, and it at least takes the edge off.

Next door, there’s a collective cheer that drowns out the family waiting for them inside. She feels sick to her stomach, but she tries to focus on his palm against her own instead.

Gently, he reaches over to brush her hair back behind her ear where it’s fallen forward. “Happy New Year, Malia.”

“Happy New Year, Scott.”

And then he leans forward and kisses her. And if this is what it feels like to forge ahead into uncharted territory, she’s ready.

<b>New Year’s Eve, 2023</b>

For the first time in Scott’s recent memory, it’s a white New Year’s Eve in California. There’s literally a dusting that covers the grass and throws most of the state into a frenzy. It’s probably the first time in Malia’s life as a human that there’s been this much snow. And they miss the entire thing.

It’s late by the time the midwife has packed up her things and ventured back out into what the news referred to as <i>the storm of the century</i>. The pack won’t stop by until tomorrow, when there’s no longer a literal State of Emergency declared statewide. And in a moment, it becomes just the three of them: Malia, Scott, and all six pounds eight ounces of Tate McCall curled up against Scott’s chest.

His birth is as planned as the snow outside, having come nearly four weeks early, which is fitting when considering what a surprise his conception had been. But Scott can’t remember a time he felt more content, laying beside his girlfriend with his son sleeping soundly against his heart. It’s not the worst way to usher out the old and in the new.

Malia rolls gently onto her side, reaching out to run her hand over the soft mess of dark hair that covers the baby’s head, and Scott can only shake his head. “How are you even still awake?”

“I’m not tired.” He knows that’s a lie. Or if it’s not a lie, it’s the lingering adrenaline talking. He did a fraction of the work, and he still feels like he waged a war over the course of the past 22 hours. Reaching over now, he gently cups her elbow and sucks in a breath when he feels her pain shooting down his thighs, giving him just a taste of how source she is. That alone should be enough to knock her out, and yet here she is, insisting on lying awake with them. He thinks she’s incredible.

“You should sleep,” she tries to argue instead.

“What did I even do?”

“You took my pain the whole time. Don’t even argue,” she says as she points in his direction. “I know you did.”

“Then how come you didn’t stop me?”

“It felt good.” They both start laughing until her body lets her know that laughter is not her friend, and she groans softly.

“Sorry,” Scott is quick to say. The baby squirms on his chest, and he can almost feel the tension as she holds her breath alongside him, but then the baby simply stops without ever waking up. “Seriously though, you should sleep while he’ll let us. It’s already almost midnight.”

Her eyes close like she might just take his advice, but she smiles sleepily. “It’s already midnight in New York.”

“And I guess New Year’s is stupid anyways, huh?”

Malia opens her eyes to look back over at the baby, whose birthday will now forever coincide with the national holiday. Earlier, when he had texted out the baby’s stats, Stiles had responded that if you were gonna have to share your birthday, you could’ve at least been the first baby of the New Year, which Tate fell short of by a few hours, but Scott disagreed. It had to feel good to feel like everyone was celebrating along with you. Malia reaches for his tiny had now, and Scott watches as, even in sleep, the baby responds by holding onto her finger like it’s a lifeline. “I don’t know,” she finally admits. “It might not be

[oldmyths]

hiya drew, what are a couple bands/songs you'd recommend for someone interested in getting into classic rock? I hope you're having a great day

hey anon! this is an extremely loaded question! sdfjdfkgjd (and i’m really flattered you’re askin me, because, omg, it’s an honor)

(under a read more bc i talk too god damn much)

okay. lemme preface this by saying i barely scratch the surface when it comes to classic rock. in fact i just like the “popular” classic rock bands, because i’m a hipster loser (and i grew up on some of this stuff and don’t really have much of an interest venturing further but hey, who knows, maybe i’ll expand my spotify library in due time)

there are people on this website in the CR fandom who are so much better equipped to answer this, but u asked me, and i never really bothered to integrate into the cr fandom anyway because i feel like theyre all cooler than me and i just wanna sit down and listen to like, the same two albums on repeat, but anyway. to answer your question…

it really just depends on what genre you like. what kind of music you want to get into; i can sit here and tell you to listen to pink floyd and go on about their significance but i can’t make you Like them yknow?

so…..i’m just gonna list a few of my favorite songs by the most well-known classic rock bands because, like i said i just kind of barely scratch the surface on the classic rock format as a whole

as some of you may be aware, i am drew “beatlefucker” angelshane (thanks ana) and to get these bug boys out of the way, i’ll give u some song recs from the beatles! (early 1960s to 1970) (genres: rock, pop, psychedelia)

surely you’ve heard of them; if not, they caused a huge uproar across the world called beatlemania. think of like…tumblr, as a planet, and the beatles is the newest, hottest anime of the season, and everybody’s got a huge heart boner for them. because that’s basically what it was.

here are some of their songs that have been in my head for the past few days: drive my car (rubber soul, 1965); eleanor rigby (revolver, 1966); and if i fell (a hard day’s night, 1964)

revolver is the most recent album i’ve listened to, they have more but the next proper Album is sgt. pepper and that feels…like. so much. it’s a Huge Album, both content-wise and…history-wise? anyway, it’s very intimidating for me and i think i want to take my time with it before i rush in

i’m just gonna get led zeppelin (late 1960s to 1980, some reunions sprinkled here and there,) out of the way, now, too. (genres: hard rock, blues rock, folk rock, heavy metal)

let me just say right here: i hate jimmy page. as a person. and i honestly think most of his solos aren’t…that great. but for real, i won’t tolerate any of that ugly shithead on my blog and just because i like LZ doesn’t mean i condone any of the shit he did.

(you’ll notice a trend, especially in the older bands, that controversy is super common. u can’t..really get into classic rock without having to see the darker side of your faves. it sucks, nobody’s perfect, and i don’t agree with separating the artist from the art, but it does get hard to like certain music when you know the shit that happened with certain artists.)

Anyway! that being said, i truthfully only really listen to led zeppelin and led zeppelin ii. some physical graffiti but, eh. So, if you wanted to get into lz, you’re askin the wrong person, is what i’m saying jfkgsdj

here’s my song recs: good times bad times and dazed and confused (led zeppelin, 1968); whole lotta love and ramble on (led zeppelin ii, 1969); kashmir (physical graffiti, 1975)

and honestly the JP thing is why i don’t really listen to LZ much outside of their self titled and lz2. cos like. i just can’t.

QUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN (1970s to…now? personally, if freddie mercury isn’t involved then..is it really queen) (genre: rock)

if you don’t know who queen is, you know who queen is. bohemian rhapsody? of course you know that song. everyone does.

but if you don’t then that’s perfectly ok too. it’s a good song imo. not their Best, but it’s good

i gotta be honest, i listen to singles mostly. i’ve got a lot on my proverbial plate and while i Love freddie mercury (bi king) sometimes i’m just. not in the headspace for queen. they’re good but a certain specific set of circumstances need to happen where i feel aligned with queen music enough to listen to it. also, freddie’s death makes me really sad and if i think about it too hard i’ll get depressed.

here’s my favorite queen songs!!!

brighton rock and killer queen (sheer heart attack, 1974); you’re my best friend (a night at the opera, 1975); somebody to love and GOOD OLD FASHIONED LOVER BOY (a day at the races, 1976); TOO MUCH LOVE WILL KILL YOU (made in heaven, 1996)

honestly..queen is so influential and inspiring and i fucking love freddie mercury so like. those are just a few of my favorites. i could honestly go on forever about it but let’s stop there

now let’s get away from the boys and talk about stevie nicks because she is my mother and i would die in her place given the chance. i love her. I Love Her.

but i mean you’d probably better begin at fleetwood mac (late 1960s to the mid 1990s; late 1990s to …now?) (genres: pop rock, soft rock, blues rock, art pop, british blues)

this is a band i don’t know much about. because there’s apparently so much to know about them, so much inter-band dynamic drama. from what i’ve skimmed. So Much Drama.

i…can’t provide any songs for you, because i dont listen to fleetwood mac and i need to fix this ASAP but i feel like the time isn’t right yet. is that dumb of me to think? probably, but i’m gonna stick by my guns.

you should listen to fleetwood mac and tell me what you think!!!

(yes i included a portion on stevie nicks without giving song recs because i’m awful: listen to edge of seventeen, bella donna, 1981)

okay back to smelly dudes cos that’s all the world fuckin cares about i guess

pink floyd!!! (mid 1960s to mid 1990s, mid 2000s, and early/mid 2010s) (genres: progrock, art rock, psychedelic rock)

i mean i love them but i’m just dipping my toes in the water here. i’ve barely listened to them, but from what i’ve heard they’re very good. VERY politically driven. i cannot stress this enough. they’re the good kind of politics i think though

you’ve most definitely seen the album art for the dark side of the moon. like, you just have. there’s probably no way you couldn’t have. (but if u haven’t thats fine)

here’s some tunes: money (tdsotm, 1973); the wall. just. the wall. if you love concept albums, here you go. listen to the wall.

that’s all i got. pathetic, i know, but i’m workin my way up i promise

here’s where we get into more familiar territory. ..having said that, i don’t really know much about the history of the rolling stones, but a good friend of mine Does and maybe i can pry info out of her. but i won’t bc she’s too cool 4 school and she’s really great

anyway, the rolling stones!!! (early 1960s to like. now i guess) (genres: rock, blues, blues rock, rock and roll)

woof. what can be said about them really. there’s…..almost too much to say. i love them a lot.

Okay when i get into bands, its in my DNA to listen from the very earliest recording i can find (usually on spotify nowadays) so i’ve been sslowly working my way past the baby pebbles albums (mostly covers) to their original work (fun fact did you know john and paul of beatles fame wrote their own music, and when mick and keith of stones fame found out it was In Fact That Easy they began to write their own music too? fascinating.)

ANYWAY here’s some stones songs: gimme shelter and you can’t always get what you want (let it bleed, 1969); angie (goats head soup, 1973); sympathy for the devil (beggars banquet, 1968)

again i am….Slowly inching my way up their discography. snails pace. i’ll get there. (u can ask glimmerkeith on tumblr for stones song recs, bc shes great and knows much more than i do and i would die for jenn)

now here’s a band…….that i’ve rediscovered pretty recently. try, last week.

AC/DC!!!!!!!! (early 1970s to now) (genres: hard rock, blues rock, rock and roll)

this is Very Much Your Dads™ Music. probably. most likely, anyway. but listen: i saw them in concert once and (while it probably…wasnt the best experience for me) i had a fucking Blast. very sad things happened in this band in the last few months.

not recent, but very important, in 1980 their lead singer bon scott died and everyone was sad. then brian johnson came out with his fuckin voice and everyone was like “ok sweet lets get back to rock n’ roll”

so this will be split by scott’s era and the johnson era (heh heh) And, because i’m familiar with this band, i’ll list the album in question and name a few songs off it instead of just naming songs. because yes.

scott:

T.N.T (1975); it’s a long way to the top (if you wanna rock ‘n’ roll); T.N.T; high voltage

dirty deeds done dirt cheap (1976); dirty deeds done dirt cheap (edit: i just realized how much i actually hate this album and only like that song so WHOOPS but i wanna keep the formatting so, yknow)

let there be rock (1977); let there be rock; whole lotta rosie

highway to hell (1979); highway to hell (it just felt really weird, making a reclist of songs by ac/dc and Not including this one)

johnson:

back in black (1980); HELLS BELLS; shoot to thrill; given the dog a bone; back in black; you shook me all night long

for those about to rock we salute you (1981); for those about to rock (we salute you)

the razors edge (1990); thunderstruck

making this list, it hit me how much of bon scott i actually Listen to when i listen to ac/dc dfkjghjdfksdsfj but uh yeah those. are good

AND NOW…FOR THE FUCKIN MOMENT I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR

GUNS! AND! ROSES! (mid 1980s to NOW MOTHERFUCKERS!!! THEYRE BACK!!! well, touring at least) (genres: hard rock, heavy metal

arguably my favorite band. subjectively, my favorite classic rock band. objectively? they own a huuuge portion of my heart, and my ass.

so listen up: these two kids from indiana run away to california to get out of fucking indiana, because who wants to stay in indiana, (it’s more like, one gets out, and like a year later the other kid tries to find him in the big mean streets of L.A) and along the way they get shuffled in and out of bands together. they start bands, break up bands, the whole fuckin shebang.

and then a few chance miracles happen and suddenly guns n’ roses is formed in like 1985. my boys? those are my boys.

i’m gonna do what i did w ac/dc and bullet the albums and then i’m gonna talk about the albums because i got SHIT to SAY

appetite for destruction (1987); welcome to the jungle, out ta get me, paradise city, sweet child o’ mine, ROCKET QUEEN

all right so here’s the deal, it was very hard not picking every single song on the album because every single song on the album is fucking perfection. actual gold. there’s no flaws in this album. Nothing. everything is good and perfect and i’m not biased at all

did you know axl rose (one of the boys from indiana) recorded each line individually? so, he sang a line, and then stopped recording, and then started recording the next line because he wanted it to be perfect?

did you know appetite was originally a flop album but after this dude got the guys at MTV to play the music video for Jungle at like 5am, guns n’ roses BLEW THE FUCK UP. Everybody know about them practically overnight. it was surreal and really cool, apparently.

and did you know axl played the synthesizer in paradise city? that’s adorable. i fucking love him.

gn’r lies (1988); patience; used to love her

the first four tracks in this EP are from their very first EP ever recorded - it Sounds like it’s taken from a live show but they dubbed in the audience in post, to make it seem like they had huge crowds attending their shows when in reality that wasn’t the case. (their first ep was released in december 1986, they had loyal fans but the crowd wasn’t that rowdy until after appetite came out)

believe me when i tell you. don’t listen to one in a million. or like, do. but i’m not gonna fight anyone about this. it’s fucked up. i’m not defending axl at all and i actually struggled with liking guns after i listened to it.

but unfortunately here we are and i saw them in concert and i had to deal with some fuckhead in the row behind me and his friend who kept Shouting that they play the song, when nobody on stage could her them, and like. of course they wouldn’t play it today. fuck off man

use your illusion i (1991); right next door to hell; dust n’ bones; perfect crime; november rain; BAD APPLES; COMA

i tried to limit these to five songs an album but i fuckin can’t, anon. illusion1 is just so fucking perfect. i can’t choose between my children. pls forgive me

on dust n’ bones and double talkin’ jive is izzy stradlin doing vocals (the second indiana boy, the one who left indiana first) and he’s regarded as the most unnderrated member in gnr by like everybody. so much so that it’s almost…too much. but like basically he was addicted to drugs and everything and then he sobered up when everyone else in the band was still hooked and he was like “wtf i’m out” and axl was like noooo :(

use your illusion ii (1991); civil war; 14 years; GET IN THE RING; locomotive; estranged; you could be mine

UYI1 and 2 were released on the same day. can you imagine how fuckin wild that day was? gnr fans scrambled to their record stores by the hordes probably.

izzy does vocal work in 14 years and this album was his last contribution to the band

uhhhh this album is also fucking perfect but i get sad listening to it sometimes so i try not to? very emotionally driven work. but like, where UYI1 was mostly passionate and angry-ish based, UYI2 is much more contemplative and uhh. sad. i guess.

“the spaghetti incident?” (1993)

this is a cover album and also the last album to feature my love, my soul, my light, my heart, slash. also duff. i mean i love him probably almost just as much but, yeah. duff actually looks like my cousin’s dad so i can’t really…. um. i feel weird about talking about him kjdfgd

but SLASH my god what a perfect man. i love him more than almost everything.

hey fun fact in between UYI and TSI, guns n’ roses toured with metallica and that tour is when slash, In His Autobiography, said he “lost” axl. his word. he Lost axl.

axl rose is a whole fuckin…..topic for another time, and i’m not gonna get into my own bullshit here, but that’s basically the situation when you listen to TSI. the band is fractured and barely holding together. after TSI, slash and duff leave GNR and axl is the only original member from the band still in it

(of course that opens up a conversation of who was originally in guns n’ roses but that’s another discourse for another time)

CHINESE DEMOCRACY (2008); CHINESE DEMOCRACY; BETTER; THERE WAS A TIME; SORRY; MADAGASCAR; PROSTITUTE

I. FUCKING. LOVE. THIS. ALBUM. MORE THAN I COULD EVER EXPRESS. everyone says it’s “not gnr” of COURSE it isn’t gnr, when YOU think of GNR, you see slash. and like, i love slash? but he didn’t make the band. EVERYONE - axl, izzy, steven, duff, And slash made the band. after steven was kicked, gnr lost a huge part of what made them stand out, what made the band unique.

and like, fuck, i love dizzy. i love all of the new additions. but you cannot. fucking look me in the eyes and tell me you love UYI But you hate CD because it’s “not gnr”. like. fuck you man.

ugh anyway. i just gotta let y’all know my Stance on this. i love chinese democracy. i’ll defend this album with my fucking life. i was really…disappointed when, at my concert, i didn’t hear more CD but like i also saw slash in person (albeit, from far away, but we shared the same arena and that’s. more than i can handle)

i wanna get lyrics from prostitute tattooed on my body.

also like you can’t tell me better and sorry aren’t about slash sorry but that’s just the fuckin tea

Now, listen, this ask got away from me. i didn’t include…SO many bands because, like i said, i just scratch the surface of what classic rock is. my word isn’t law, ok? that bein said, i am always, ALWAYS down to talk about any of the bands here, and others!!! if i know of them. i’m always taking music/song recs, too.

thanks..for reading this stupid answer to your innocent ask sdfkjghsdf

[elenaqilberts]

         ☆*. IT’S THAT TIME AGAIN. TIME WHERE I HEAD TO THE TAGS TO FIND SOME PARTNERS for specific plots / ships and faceclaim matches / faceclaims. So, hey, hi, give this post a like if you’re interested in any of them or comment which you are on the post or in my ims, and I’ll figure things out from there. P.S. if you want to do a sort of trade system, and pick up two 1x1s, but one where I play a guy for you while the other you play a guy with me, I’m fine with that, I’m just super picky on dude’s faces I like to play, and need to make sure it’s with a plot I feel playing a guy for, and currently I don’t have any of those available. However, I’d look at your wishlist! Anyway, hit me up, guys. Let’s have fun!

SPECIFIC { ISH } PLOTS

DO I MEAN NOTHING TO YOU? This plot { x } has basically killed me even before all the ideas we could think up together. I’m feeling playing Danielle Campbell and would love to see KJ Apa or Nathaniel Buzolic or someone else you see fit as the other if neither of those suit your fancy OR having this be a Sarah Hyland x Dominic Sherwood ship because I love them and I’m REALLY REALLY feeling that match here. But please, hit me up for this. In the specific plots right here, this one's my favorite. #angst

THE PRINCESS AND THE BODYGUARD. Based off of this gif set { x }. I’d play the princess, I have no FC decided for it, so I’ll likely pick based on what you want for yours or something like that. Anyway, She’d be a minx and tease him just like that, and we can figure out other specifics together!

FEMME COSTARS IN LOVE. This plot right here { x }. The FCs are more or less up for thought, but I do want to keep them below 25 in age. I think it works better when they’re younger, so as long as they can pull off 18 - 24, you would be golden. I’d probably want to use Danielle Campbell... Maybe it could be Danielle and Dove. Or Sofia Carson and Dove. Or something else, I’m open to any ideas you have just fill me in.

EXES AND OHS. Following this plot right here { x }. I want all the angst of it as my girl and your character just refuse to acknowledge you never wanted the end or maybe the relationship had been toxic and they both know it so they can’t be together until that changes, et cetera. Bring all the ideas, I’m open.

DIRTY DANCING. I just straight up want the actual plot and era of Dirty Dancing because I love it so so much. I don’t know what face I’d use quite yet { I do like the faces from the tv movie even though that wasn’t great :P }, but yes, I love Frances and Johnny so much, so if you’re interested in playing Johnny, let me know!

SPECIFIC SHIPS

BATCAT AKA CATWOMAN AND BATMAN { PLOT ONE }. I miss playing my Selina Kyle more than words can say, so I want to bring her back in a 1x1 where it’s set in Batman’s world, nonspecific canon, just ideas we have and maybe an amalgam of all of them / how we view it since Selina is how I view her when I play her. Catch? I have specific FCs I want to do this with and those are... Nina Dobrev as Selina Kyle for me and Daniel Gillies as Batman for you. Bring me the BatCat angst. Please. They’re OTP. { CAN BE WITH THE SAME PERSON AS PLOT TWO }.

BATCAT AKA CATWOMAN AND BATMAN { PLOT TWO }. This one is a college AU, I just wanted to put BatCat in college basically and try out my Selina muse there. Which means these faceclaims need to be able to pull off being in college. In my case, I’ll be using Danielle Campbell. Batman is up to you, but remember they have to be able to pull off his doom and gloom, dark, mysterious persona. Good luck! { CAN BE WITH THE SAME PERSON AS PLOT ONE }.

BELLE X ADAM. From the movie. I already have a Modern AU of these two, but I want to play them as they are in the live movie so so much, so bring me a Dan Stevens Beast to go against my Emma Watson Belle. I’d love you for it. A lot.

DIMANYA AKA DIMITRI AND ANASTASIA. No not an AU, I want to do the plot of Anastasia and then on for them more or less where they are who they are, not a plot based around it. And I plan to play Anastasia with Kat McNamara, Dimitri is up to you, but some suggestions are Nathaniel Buzolic, Dominic Sherwood, and Tyler Blackburn in case you need any ideas!

HARLIVY { PLOT ONE }. I’m really interested in a college age / young women out of college age AU for these two. I want to play Poison Ivy / Pamela Isley with a Madelaine Petsch FC, and I was thinking some good matches for Harley would be Carlson Young or Cara Delevigne, but it’s up to you. Either way, you’re free to be Harley. And we’ll have fun with a younger them. { CAN BE WITH THE SAME PERSON AS PLOT TWO }.

HARLIVY { PLOT TWO }. This can be regularly set in a sort of amalgam universe of however you choose to play Harley because I'd prefer playing Poison Ivy in this one as well. And you can definitely stick with Margot Robbie here, I definitely do not mind, and am open to suggestions for Ivy but the ones I have in mind at the moment are Sophie Turner or Bridget Regan { sp? }. I’m open to other suggestions depending on ages and etc, but let me know! All is well. { CAN BE WITH THE SAME PERSON AS PLOT ONE }.

KOLVINA AKA KOL AND DAVINA. Davina is a character I’ve wanted to play for awhile and I do enjoy their ship. I need to hecka catch up on The Originals, but I really love them and I kind of really need this in my life so, come on down and do it with me? We can even play with Caleb!Kol on your end if you like!

MIA THERMOPOLIS X NICHOLAS DEVERAUX. This one can either be an AU where they met younger or we could just do things with the Princess Diaries 2 plot and then on, I just love their dynamic a lot and want to play Mia. FCs are negotiable and we can figure them out should we do the plot together. I have no real ideas for them, just want to play these two out since they’re a favorite.

PETER PARKER X GWEN STACY. I love their ship a lot, even if they’re not my top Peter ship and I miss playing Gwen ( with a Dove FC because I love that match ). So come play Peter against me for it. I’d love it greatly and we could play around with universes maybe lead my Gwen to be Spider Gwen and they could fight crime together. Cool, right? Right. At least that’s what I think.

PETER PARKER X MARY JANE. I just love these two together A LOT and want to play Kat McNamara as MJ, and you could definitely use Tom Holland for Peter or someone else should you see fit. Either way this classic ship is something I want to play with so gimme ‘em. Please?

WADE X VANESSA. I love Deadpool. I love Deadpool so much, so please come play Wade Wilson / Deadpool against me while I play Vanessa Carlysle. Same FCs as the movie because they were perfect. Ryan is the only Deadpool and I love Morena Baccarin. And who doesn’t love Deadpool. Come on. Okay. Give me this. Please.

MINI GROUP { PREFERRED WITH ONE MUSE PER MUN BUT COULD DOUBLE UP }

AVENGERS COLLEGE AU. I want to play a college aged Natasha Romanov / Black Widow with a passion right now, and I’d love to do it with all of the Avengers { well, the mains from the original Avengers movie -- Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint, Thor, and Natasha }, but I would also do a 1x1 ship with any of her ships there to be honest. I love all of them for different reasons not gonna lie, hell, I could even ship her with Thor. I just love the character. If we do this with three muns instead of one per one, I’d play Nat and mayhaps Steve. Anyway, I’d probably play her with Madelaine Petsch { and Steve with I don’t know who yet }, but I’m open to others and yours are up to you. Let me know!

DESCENDANTS-ESQUE PLOT. I love the idea of playing children of my favorite Disney characters and I miss doing that. I already have one MuMu of them, but I’d like another since I don’t want to pile too many in there. I, however, don’t want the descendants. Nothing canon to it. I’ve never watched, and I’m not too interested in it further than the premise { don’t hate me omg }, but yes, let me know if you’d like to do this!

FACECLAIM MATCHES { BOLDED IS WHO I WANT TO PLAY }

Ashley Benson x Tyler Blackburn

Becky G x Naomi Scott { WILL DO EITHER, THOUGH }

Camila Mendes x KJ Apa

Candice King x Michael Trevino { Bonus Points If It’s Forwood }

Danielle Campbell x KJ Apa 

Emeraude Toubia x Alberto Rosende

Emeraude Toubia x Kat McNamara { WILL DO EITHER, THOUGH }

Gina Rodriguez x Justin Baldoni

Gina Rodriguez x Tyler Posey

Kat Graham x Michel Malarkey { Bonus Points If It’s Bonenzo }

Kat McNamara x Alberto Rosende

Merritt Patterson x Sebastian Stan

Nina Dobrev x Chord Overstreet

Nina Dobrev x Matthew Daddario

Nina Dobrev x Paul Wesley

Phoebe Tonkin x Daniel Gillies 

Sarah Hyland x Dominic Sherwood

Troian Bellisario x Keegan Allen

Troian Bellisario x Lucy Hale { WILL DO EITHER, THOUGH }

Troian Bellisario x Tyler Blackburn

FACECLAIMS { I WANT TO PLAY }

Ana De Armas

Anna Kendrick

Ariana Grande

Asami Zdrenka

Diane Guerrero

Kelsey Chow

Laura Harrier

Leighton Meester

Malese Jow

Naomi Scott

FACECLAIMS { I WANT TO PLAY AGAINST }

Alberto Rosende

Bob Morley

Chris Wood

Jamie Dornan

Jason Momoa

KJ Apa

Max Irons

Michael Malarkey

Michael Trevino

Steven R McQueen

[sytycd-geek]

Recap of Top 9!

Top 9 & All Stars Group Number: Hip Hop, choreographed by Luther Brown. Gonna try my hardest to ignore the cultural appropriation and say that the dancing was awesome. (But seriously Luther Brown, why???)

I’m not gonna talk about solos unless I have something important to say, cuz I never seem to feel strongly about them.

Logan & Allison: Jive, choreographed by Emma Slater and Sasha Farber. This would have been better if it had been a lindy hop number. They incorporated A TON of lindy and if they hadn’t switched back to jive all the time they could have had way more fun with it. But I am totally biased cuz I know and love lindy hop so damn much. That said, this was goddamn adorable and is def going to be added to my list of favorite jives. That moment when Logan kisses her cheek and Allison just looses it was so freaking adorable, I can’t!

 Koine & Marko: Hip Hop, choreographed by Dave Scott. Koine fucking owned this number. Dave Scott gave her a hell of a part to play. That moment where she rips the tiara off was awesome. I really liked this number. For a contemporary dancer Koine did really well, I think the only ladies who could have done better are Comfort or Jasmine.

Dassy & Fik-Shun: Jazz, choreographed by Ray Leeper. My only complaint about this number is it feels too close to hip hop and I was hoping to see them pushed a little bit more. But this routine was awesome and just pure fun. These two are too cute.

Mark & Comfort: Contemporary, choreographed by Talia Favia. I feel like the main benefit to the weird all star format this season is seeing how fucking much Comfort has grown since her season. Damn. This was super beautiful. One of my favorites of the night for sure. They both brought beautiful movement and emotion to this.

All-Star Group Number: Contemporary, choreographed by Travis Wall. Okay, other folks have talked far better than I could about why this routine didn’t sit well with some. While I thought this routine was beautifully choreographed, it’s easy for me to say being I am white woman steeped in privilege. I’m seeing a lot of awesome and respectful discussion around our SYTYCD community which is great. My feelings basically boil down to: I love Travis, I think he choreographed a beautiful piece but this topic should have been handled by black artists and it’s not like there aren’t a ton that they could have called on.

Lex & Gaby: Broadway, choreographed by Warren Carlyle. Another Broadway that I just freaking loved. I thought Lex was freaking adorable although I don’t feel like he was showcased as much as Gaby during this number. But they both killed it.

Quote of the night: Nigel: “What’s a patootie?” Mary: “A PATOOTIE! It’s your whole body and a little bit of booty. A PATOOTIE!”

Sydney & Paul: Hip Hop, choreographed by Luther Brown. I actually thought this routine was really good! I don’t understand why they judges tore it apart. I mean neither of them were as good as actual hip hop dancers would have been but they brought it. (Way fucking harder than Kiki did last week. Just saying.) They said it was too cute, but this was more of a fun routine. It fit!

Top 9 Group Routine: Jazz/Broadway, choreographed by Chris Baldock. I liked this number, not sure it was super memorable. But it was fun.

Kaylee & Cyrus: Jazz, choreographed by Spencer Liff. Welp, I officially like Spencer more as jazz choreographer than a Broadway choreographed. I freaking loved this number. I agree that Kaylee outshone Cyrus and that was fine. She owned this thing. Also, the pre-routine video was so cute.

Okay, Mark choose “I See Fire” as his solo song. Also, he freaked when he was compared to Rufio. This boy is winning over my little nerdy heart real fast.

Taylor & Robert: Samba, choreographed by Jean-Marn Genereux. GODDAMMIT JEAN-MARC I FUCKING LOVE YOU. GIVE THIS MAN HIS OWN TV SHOW ALREADY. For two contemporary dancers this was fine. This was a really difficult Samba and I think they did the best they could. I didn’t hate it, we’ve just seen better Sambas.

Kiki & Jenna: Contemporary, choreographed by Mandy Moore. This routine was really sweet. I probably would have loved it if the judges hadn’t freaked out over Kiki yet again. What are they seeing that I am not? The entire time watching this routine I was thinking, “Oh, Kiki. You are the most ballroom boy that has ever been on this show.” The way he was moving, he could not get rid of the ballroom even a little bit. He needs to loosen up so BADLY. He was a great partner and he definitely brought the emotion but other than that I just don’t think he did much. Also, Mary? “That’s the best I’ve ever seen a ballroom boy do contemporary.”??? EXCUSE YOU. Mary, I love you with my whole entire heart but NO. WRONG.

I don’t understand how Dassy and Mark are in the bottom. I didn’t want Sydney to go home but of the three, I’m relieved it was her. Honestly, I really like the entire Top 10 so I haven’t wanted anyone to go home. Except now I kinda want Kiki to go home just so he can stop getting unnecessarily praised. I like him and I’d be enjoying his journey so much more if he were getting critiqued fairly. 

[turtletotem]

Episode 1 - Birds of a Feather

First of all, I should note that my Dresden Files journey began with the TV show. I started watching it as it first aired, drawn in by this moment in the trailer, right here:

I loved the show, mourned when it didn't get a second season, and thereafter sought out the books—which have since become one of those life-defining things where their story is part of your story. So I might have more issues with the show if I'd been a book fan first, but I wasn't and I don't. I do consider the books superior in most ways, but they've also had 15 books to get that way; the first couple were much shakier, and in my opinion closer to the show in quality. (…though probably still better.)

So anyway. I'm rewatching the Dresden Files TV show and writing up my observations and opinions about it, particularly as compared to the books. Spoilers for both GALORE.

Episode 1: Birds of a Feather

We see a lot of Harry's dad in these first few episodes, and that's one thing I really love about the show. Book!Harry loved his dad, but barely remembers him, and is ultimately more concerned with his mother's complex magical legacy than that of his vanilla mortal father. Which is fine, it's even pretty cool to have the Orphaned Hero obsessed with his mother's legacy instead of his father's, but I really enjoy seeing more of Malcolm Dresden and the kind of dad he was, the kind of happy childhood Harry could have had if his father hadn't died. And I very much consider the two Papa Dresdens to be the same character; the only difference between them that I can think of is that show!Malcolm got to live longer. (And yeah, supposedly book!Malcolm's death was natural but tbh I am sooo not convinced of that.)

The show combines Harry's shield bracelet with his mother's amulet. I'm not sure why they would make that change; maybe just to streamline some of Harry's magical gear, which he gradually gets quite a lot of. Maybe they thought it would be weird to have a male protagonist wearing a necklace? Idk, I'm only saying that as a woman whose dad was very weirded out by her brother wearing (perfectly masculine) necklaces.

We first meet adult Harry in bed with a pretty woman, which is… rather hilarious considering book!Harry's track record with women. That is one slight beef I have with the show; here and elsewhere they characterize Harry as someone looking for a casual good time with a lady, and Harry is emphatically not that way. To the point that it costs him potential relationships, i.e. Murphy who doesn't want to get serious and Harry who's incapable of not getting serious. The only remotely casual sex Harry has in the books is with Anastasia, whom he was still explicitly and exclusively Dating.

Show!Harry drives a Jeep instead of book!Harry's famous Blue Beetle, which I think is a change a lot of people disliked. The justification I heard for it was that the actual visuals of putting a long-legged stork of a man like Harry/Paul Blackthorne into a VW Beetle were hilarious in an unwanted way. The Jeep doesn't bother me overmuch, because they did still take the effort to find an older, sturdier sort of car, like the Beetle, that Harry might actually be able to keep running—but I can't help thinking they missed the point, because the Beetle is supposed to be hilarious.

I love this opening sequence, guys. So much. So much.

It's nice that Bob calls Harry out on his Arbitrary Skepticism after he fails to believe the kid about being followed by monsters. It still bugs me that it happened. Yeah, being the only wizard in the phone book brings out the crazies, but seriously, Harry, you know there is such thing as monsters.(Nice nod to the "no birthday parties" rule, though, in that conversation.)

Show!skinwalker is an entirely, entirely different creature than book!skinwalker, to the extent that I'm pretty sure they just heard the word "skinwalker" and ran with it, but at least this skinwalker is still a very-bad-news heavy-hitter, more or less worthy of the naagloshii's legacy.

SHOW!BOB. Guys, I could easily write an entire series of essays just about show!Bob, and to my knowledge he's one of the major changes that was actually well-received by fans—because even though the similarities between the two characters are minimal, show!Bob is such a fantastic character in his own right that it's impossible to hold it against him. And honestly the show works much better with this Bob than it would have with book!Bob. He needed an actor, for one thing. A person who can emote and interact. A voice issuing from a skull is fine in a book, but makes for very boring screentime. And then weaving Bob into so much more of Harry's backstory, and giving him a more human and interesting backstory of his own—well, it works, we'll leave it at that.

Show!Murphy—I mean, she looks all wrong for the character, aside from being appropriately short, but she's got the performance down pat. She does such good exasperated I-am-trying-to-be-professional-here and I love her. On one hand it's a shame to lose "adorable perky blonde" Murphy, because watching that play out on screen would have been a trip, but it's also cool to have a Hispanic Murphy. It's one of a few different ways they sneak some diversity into the story, which it needs, because guys. Guys. I love Jim Butcher, as both a writer and a person, but he's very white, and it shows. He absolutely defaults to white, not maliciously but unthinkingly, and taking a chance to correct that is a good thing.

I wonder if this diner Harry goes to several times in the first episode is intended as version of Mac's pub? And Melissa, who could search the Council records without leaving her seat, as a version of Ivy—but if so, completely underused and prematurely discarded. I hope they had better plans for Ivy than that.

Changing the White Council to the High Council was probably another attempt to be Not Racist, which, eh, I applaud the goal and for the most part it's fine, but what were they gonna do about the Black and Grey Councils later? Change them to Low and Medium?

The kid with the monsters is supposed to be in junior high, which would make him at least 12, but he both acts and is treated more like he's 8 or 9. :P

One book-accurate trait of show!Harry is how he's always on the hustle for money because he has no money and I love that. Good noir-style voiceovers, too.

One BIG thing I hate about the show is that they have Harry combining his office and his home. WHAT. NO. HARRY WOULD LITERALLY NEVER DO THAT, TALKS EXPLICITLY ABOUT WHY HE WOULD NEVER DO THAT, AND SCOLDS OTHER PEOPLE FOR DOING THAT. The threshold is a very important magical concept, guys! Did you even read the books!

Uncle Justin Morningway vs. Justin duMorne is such an interesting thing, and one of the few instances where I think I actually like the show better?? It's always been so random that Harry happened to get orphaned and picked up by this random dark wizard. It makes a lot more sense that Harry's evil uncle offed his father specifically in order to get custody of Harry. It streamlines a lot of things about Harry's backstory—his mother's "grey magic" past, his father's death, his iffy training, Justin's death, everything. It does appear that they eliminated Elaine from the story, with Bob taking her place as little Harry's BFF, but I can deal with that because Elaine's been underutilized anyway.

The invention of a kid for Murphy is more mysterious to me, especially since, as far as I can recall, they never really went anywhere with that. Maybe she would have been some sort of Maggie replacement at some point?

Also this kid-with-the-monsters (his name is Scott) confuses me. He's been hidden from the Council, given the ravens as protectors (possibly by his birth parents? it's never explained), bad guys are trying to find him, all because he has The Gift. Well, if The Gift just means magic, that's not that unusual. I mean, the Council already has as many wizards as it can handle, the rising generation is mostly just a tiresome opportunity for someone to go all Sith on 'em, and lesser talents are frankly beneath their concern. (I have issues with the Council.) So either that's a significant worldbuilding change, or Scott is something way bigger than just another wizard.

Speaking of, lol@ the Doombox being such a big deal? Anyone can blow stuff up. Even mortals can blow stuff up, but Harry Dresden can definitely blow stuff up without needing a special box cooked up over centuries of delicate research. BUT HEY. They ended the first episode with Harry blowing up a building. You can't ask for a better Harry moment than that!

[mbtizone]

Cosima Niehaus (Orphan Black): ENTP

Dominant Extroverted Intuition [Ne]: Cosima leaps from thought to thought, sometimes forgetting that she’s speaking with people who have no clue what she’s talking about (“Sorry, I got off on a tangent there…). She is gifted at generating possible answers to all of the questions that the clones come up with. She realizes that if the clones are part of a study, then they’re probably being observed by somebody close to them. Cosima is extremely adaptive in new situations (“This is the new normal”). Because Cosima is such an out-of-the-box thinker, she takes to the idea of being a clone much quicker and easier than Alison and Sarah do. Cosima remains open to ideas, keeping them all orbiting inside her brain. She can always come up explanations for things and tends to rapidly throw her thoughts at others. She doesn’t usually totally commit to the suggestions she makes, leaving herself open to spawn new proposals.

Auxiliary Introverted Thinking [Ti]: Intellectual challenges excite Cosima. She’s energized by discovery and enjoys solving puzzles. Cosima has a brilliant, analytical mind. She doesn’t mind making adjustments to her logical conclusions as she has new insights or gathers new information, and can easily change her theories and opinions in the moment. Cosima is extremely curious and has a lot of questions that she’s constantly pondering and wants to get answers to. Although she is a creative thinker, she’s also very practical. Sometimes, she looks at their situation with a sense of scientific detachment and, even though their predicament is scary, it’s also thrilling from an academic standpoint. Cosima has a good sense of humor and can be very quick-witted. She and Sarah (who share auxiliary Ti), are both able to “keep a sense of humor” about their situation, whereas Alison takes it all much more seriously than they do.

Tertiary Extroverted Feeling [Fe]: When Alison and Cosima first meet Sarah, Cosima is the one trying to mediate and keep the peace. When she speaks, she knows how to phrase things in a gentle way. She recognizes the importance of being diplomatic and trying to solve problems through discussion. When Sarah tells Cosima that she thinks Paul might be falling for her, Cosima can immediately see the potential (Ne-Fe). “That’s awesome! You can use that!” When Cosima realizes that Paul knows the truth about Sarah, she reminds Sarah that Paul covered for her with his boss and suggests she try communicating with him before doing anything rash. Cosima has an understanding of the importance of using human interaction as a tool (Ti-Fe). “Well, if we’re going to get past our monitors, we have to engage.” She knows how to get people to trust her. For a while after Sarah learns the truth about what she is, she remains reluctant to help. Cosima tends to pose things to her in more of a “we” sense that makes the clones part of a team. She’s good at adjusting her tone, as well as her approach, depending on her audience.

Inferior Introverted Sensing [Si]: As a scientist, Cosima has a great memory for facts and details, which she sometimes relies on to help form her theories. Research is second nature to Cosima and she’s good at recalling what she learns. Cosima doesn’t spend a lot of time discussing the past, nor does she outwardly appear to be traditional or sentimental. She tends to be less methodical and more scattered – particularly noticeable in the way she speaks when presenting information to others. Cosima isn’t a conformist and doesn’t let society dictate her life. However, she is highly responsible and dutiful when it comes to her obligations to Clone Club and is usually very reliable.

Enneagram: Cosima’s a bit of a mystery to me, but I’m leaning towards 5w4 Sx/So. As for her tritype, my best guess would be 549.

Quotes:

Sarah: How are we all related? Alison:: We’re not! Cosima: Well, we are, by nature. She’s referring to nurture. Alison:: Just give us the briefcase that you got from the German. Sarah: I’m not giving you shit ’til you give me some answers. Alison:: You don’t rate answers. Cosima: Alison! Alison:: [Alison responds agitated sounding] Fine! She wants in? We’re clones. We’re someone’s experiment and they’re killing us off! Is that helpful? Hmm?

[Sarah remains silent after finding out she could be a clone] Cosima: Sorry. I wanted to float that whole clone thing a lot softer.

[Sarah tells Cosima that Helena wants the names of the other clones] Sarah: Don’t worry. I won’t give you up. Cosima: You know, maybe you should. Not to Helena, but to Olivier. Sarah: What? You were the one who said, if your blind subject suddenly became aware, you’d terminate. Cosima: Right, well, I’m beginning to rethink that. Sarah: Great, she’s got a new hypothesis.

Sarah: Olivier called Paul in hours ago, and he’s not picking up. Cosima: Well, that isn’t out of the ordinary, is it? Sarah: How should I know? There’s nothing normal about any of this, is there? Cosima: Sarah, this is the new normal, okay? So, Paul’s a monitor. He reports to Olivier, his handler, right? As long as Paul is on our side, we can start to finally get some answers. Sarah: That’s my point, Cosima. What if he’s not on our side?

[Sarah tells Cosima to stay away from Delphine] Cosima: Well, if we’re going to get past our monitors, we have to engage.

Cosima: I think that Oliver guy, he runs Paul. It sounds like some kind of double blind. Sarah: What are you going on about? Cosima: They are keeping Paul in the dark too. Right? So that he can’t skew the results either. Sarah: [Sarah loads her pistol] You mean he may not even know he’s watching a clone? Cosima: Yes, right. But Olivier definitely knows. Okay? He’s the one that we need to get to. Sarah: You mind if I get through Paul first?

[Cosima and Sarah discuss the church-related mission of Helena] Cosima: So, the fish reads Christian and, and crafted onto a weapon? A personal crusade. Sarah: Great. Is that it? Cosima: You know, when I’m seeing this branded onto Maggie Chen, I’m thinking that she’s not a lone warrior. To extreme creationist types, we would be abominations. Like, not God’s children, but, but, Satan’s. Sarah: So they hate us and she’s killing us, even though she’s identical to us? Cosima: Well, but if you were a messed-up, abused loner whose faith compelled you to belong and somebody that you trusted told you that this was the way to redeem yourself in the eyes of God, I mean… Sarah: Yeah, I might become an angry angel, too.

[Sarah tells Cosima that Helena thinks her and Sarah have a connection] Cosima: So, the woman Beth shot and Helena are connected. Holy watershed. Okay, Beth probably shot Maggie Chen on purpose. She never told us anything about this.

Cosima: If she’s not dead, we need to find her, find out what she knows. Felix: Are you mad? She’s a homicidal maniac. Cosima: Yeah, but we need to find out who she is, Sarah. She’s… She’s… She found us. She’s got answers. Sarah: The only way I’m going to do that is go back to being a cop.

Cosima: So Beth used facial-recognition software to find driver’s licenses in North America. Two matches. Sarah: You and soccer bitch. Cosima: Yeah, right. But who is the original? Who’s created us? Who’s killing us? We need to know, but, we lost our cop, so, however you manage to get into her shoes, we really need you to stay there. Sarah: Stay a cop to help you? Cosima: To help us. Help us find out who’s killing us.

[Cosima tells Sarah that she might have a monitor dilemma] Cosima: I may have a monitor dilemma of my own. Um, I’m new here this semester. I didn’t bring anybody with me, but, uh, someone wants to be friends. Sarah: Just stay away from them, Cos. Stick to the science, yeah? Cosima: ‘Stick to the science?’ What am I, the geek monkey, now?

Sarah: I’m going to shoot Paul’s balls off. Cosima: Wait, just, um, just squeeze them, ok? He’s our way into this whole thing.

[Sarah sees her and Cosima in the mirror together behind the bar] Cosima: Don’t worry, you get used to it. Sarah: To clones? Yeah, I’m not buying that. Cosima: How many of us do you have to meet, Sarah?

Sarah: Just answer me one thing… Cosima: Anything, yes. Sarah: If we’re genetically identical, do you get that little patch of dry skin between your eyebrows? Cosima: [Cosima laughs] That’s good. Try to keep your sense of humor. Beth couldn’t.

Delphine:: It’s Dr. Leekie. Should we invite him? Cosima: You’re single now. Delphine:: Oh, no, no, no. He’s too old. Cosima: But his mind is sexy.

Cosima: I just want to make, like, crazy science with you.

Cosima: We’re gonna to do an experiment. I want you to try to push your favorite pencil through this paper. [she holds a piece of paper loosely] Cosima: OK see if you can do it. [Kira tries and fails] Cosima: Oops. How come that didn’t work, I wonder? ‘Cause, you know what? You need more… force. OK? [ask she explains, several brief cuts to Cosima and Scott building a device in their lab] Cosima: So force equals mass… times… acceleration. How can we get the pencil through this paper, do you think? Kira: We need to make it sharper? Cosima: That’s a really good idea. High five for that. What about trying speed? What about acceleration? Maybe give that a shot? [Kira pushes the pencil quickly and pierces the paper] Cosima: Nice one!

Delphine:: Cosima, it’s your life. Cosima: It’s not just that. It’s all of us. You have to love all of us. Delphine:: Then I love all of you. Cosima: Good. Because if you betray us again, I have enough dirt on you to destroy your career. And I love you, too.

Cosima Niehaus (Orphan Black): ENTP was originally published on MBTI Zone