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azoraahai · 5 years

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hi hello, it’s your fav chaotic disaster here! since it is nearing the end of the decade/2019 here ( i know some of y’all are already enjoying the new year bc timezones lol ) but i just wanted to take the time and mention a few peeps that really kept me grounded this year. this is not a follow forever bc im lazy as fuck so pls enjoy this mess of me rambling lol!

even if you aren’t tagged, there are special mentions for each group im under so please read if you have the time! please note that each and every single one of you has made 2019 so much better cuz we all know it was hella rough so im very thankful for all of you!

this is hella long so everything will be under the cut :)

oc mutuals ⤵

my one and only :: @daisyjohvson my ride or die, my best friend, my beautiful sister, my other half. there are no words that could articulate how much you mean to me. you are my person and nothing could ever change that. i know we both have been busy this year, but im so glad we always do our best to chat no matter what time it is for us. you are my everything and i adore and love you so fucking much. i hope 2020 will finally be the year we meet after being friends for almost five years. i wish you the best of luck for the start of a new decade babe xx.

satanic bitches 2/3 :: @freakingbradleys @fleetwoodmcs god, it still blows my mind that my two idols talk to me on a daily. amanda, kayla, you guys have brought such a new perspective into my life and i cannot thank either of you enough for it. you guys are so encouraging, thoughtful, amazing, and supportive. i know i can tell you guys anything and you would be super honest with me and i cannot explain how much i appreciate that. thank you both for enduring the mess of 2019 with me.

my chaotic twin :: @emiliachrstine emilia, my love, it has been a pleasure talking with you via tumblr and snapchat facetime. you have brought so much laughter in my day while i was at college and i am 100% sincere when i say i needed those talks sO MUCH! you know some of the challenges i was facing so i just wanted to say thank you for being so fun to talk to and always listening to my endless ranting ( especially the cLASS SIX FELONY bit ). im so thankful we got closer this year and i love you so so so so soooo much bb!

the enabler buddy :: @moirei first of all, i cant believe how much we’ve been talking recently! i’ve always wanted to talk to you more and im highkey upset that it took me this long to reach out to you again, but anyways, as john mulaney would say, tHe PaSt Is ThE pAsT. thank you for letting me ask you sooooo many questions about sw, enabling me with all of these spur of the moment ideas, and for being such a wonderful friend! you are so kind, encouraging, and helpful! thank you so much for everything bb!

long lost sister :: @nellie--crain rachel, honey, you are a light in my life. anytime you message me, i already feel 100000x happier. you are like an older sister to me and i love you to the moon and back! i love all of your ocs and our xovers so much ( especially robeck bc otp ) and i hope we come up with more stuff in the near future! i hope 2020 graces you with so much happiness and joy, my love!!

some of my ride or dies :: @chlobenet @peterparcour @hopemikaelsvns @thetenthdoctorscompanion @drewtanner @princes-jasmine @aaudace @killinbills thank you all for being so amazing, talented, and wonderful! you all have played a significant part in my 2019 and i hope you all know that!! y’all are so awesome seriously xx

the rest of my oc mutuals :: thank you guys for sticking around as my hyperfixations constantly change once i find a new thing lol. i hope to chat with you all some more in 2020 and the years to come! please remember that each and every one of you is talented, creative, and beautiful! i wish you all the best of luck for this upcoming year and know that i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

giffing mutuals ⤵

the other half braincell :: @yelenabelovaa fleur, my darling, what an honor it is to be your wife! we got so close sO FAST and i cant imagine my life without you. you’re the jake to my tom, and if that doesn’t explain how chaotic we are then idk what does. thank you for being there right away when my dog died unexpectedly like i cannot tell you how much i appreciated you on the phone with me until someone irl was there to help me. thank you for always being so selfless, kind, and an incredible friend. i love you so much and let’s hope we get to meet in 2020!!!

goddess of parallels :: @andthwip the fact that you follow me is still absolutely mind blowing! also the fact that you tag me in your gifs is eVEN MORE mind blowing! i’ve admired your work for quite a while and let me just say, your ideas are unmatched!! you have such an eye for detail like no one can do what you do!! thank you so much for being a great mutual and i hope 2020 will be a wonderful start of the decade for you xx

the clown :: @robertpattisons okay dont hate me for putting the clown lol its just your icon and i had to im sorry lmao!! anyways, laiba, hi bb! you are such a talented gif maker and im so glad we became mutuals this year! thank you for being so nice, helpful, and a great friend!! i love you lots and have a great 2020!!!!

chaotic duo :: @colins-farrells sakshi, darling, idk if i ever mentioned this to you but you made me feel so comfortable with my blog. i looked up to you and your amazing chaotic posts and i just wanted to thank you for that! you truly are amazing and ily bunches xx i hope 2020 will be epic for you!!

some of my amazing giffing mutuals :: @lzzieolsn @luke-skywalker @ageofultron @brolinjosh @rosiebetzler @bitony you all are so fucking talented like seriously!!!! thank you all for following my trash can of a blog bc i have admired ALL of you from afar and im still in shock about it!! i hope 2020 blesses you all with happiness, success, and joy!!! i love and adore each and every one of you!!!

the rest of my giffing mutuals :: thank you all for being so fucking nice to me! i only began giffing regularly at the beginning of this year and i made SO many wonderful mutuals ( aka you guys ) because of it! you all have been so helpful and supportive of me and i am so fucking grateful for that!!! 2020 is a new year and the start of a new decade for us!! i wish all of you can enjoy this new beginning!!!

to all of my followers ⤵

hi hello! if you got this far down, congrats!!! i just wanted to say i fucking love you guys so damn much!! no matter what im doing, my current hyperfixation, the ENDLESS amount of shitposting, y’all willingly stick with me and i seriously can’t thank you enough! i know i say that so much, but it’s honestly 100% true! i’ve reached INCREDIBLE milestones because of all of you!! so seriously, thank you! 2020 is a fresh start so let’s make this year fucking amazing!!!

#still have an hour left of the decade but happy new year to those already in 2020 #i love all of u and i hope u all know that #enjoy the header of the best baby ever #joey talks

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kieren-fucking-walker · 5 years

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Hello! I’m excited to do this as I don’t rec much, reccing things terrifies me because I hate feeling like I’m picking/playing favourites and leaving people out, and I also am just generally bad at picking my favourites of anything because I like too many things too much. I also am very bad at bookmarking, keeping track of fics I read, and generally being able to recall the names of fics to be able to rec them. So, with all that in mind I thought I’d start with something easy, on the understanding that this isn’t by any means an exhaustive list and I’d be more comfortable with this being “ten fics I like” rather than a top ten because there are far far too many fics I love in this fandom to ever do a list of favourites. So, in no particular order:

Ten fics under ten thousand words (that I love):

Hypocrite by Lynds [@gold-from-straw] - Rating: G, WC: 1.6k, Pairing: N/A

Summary: How can Todd possibly expect to be forgiven if he still can't forgive everyone who hurt him? Why I love it: This is one of my favourite explorations of a very specific part of Todd’s character, and it’s worth noting that the characteristics are spot on. I come back to this fic over and over again, and while in many ways it’s painful it’s also real and honest and just a beautiful bit of writing concerning Todd and his guilt.

Dork Greatly's Holistic Laundry Service by obscureenthusiast - Rating: G, WC: 2.8k, Pairing: Brotzly (kind of)

Summary: Dirk very generously offers to help Todd with his household chores... an offer which Todd eventually takes him up on. The laundry gets a little out of hand when Todd remembers a game he and Amanda used to play and Dirk enthusiastically joins.

Why I love it: Cute!! It’s cute silly fun of these two bonding over laundry and sock puppets, gentle ribbing and acting like children. It gets even better when Farah joins in, I’m a sucker for those three being dorks together.

My Mind Is My Own Worst Enemy; It Keeps Trying To Convince Me That You Are by DontOffendTheBees [@dont-offend-the-bees] - Rating: T, WC: 1.6k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: His voice is so familiar and yet also just so… wrong. There’s something missing in it. Some vital aspect of Todd that Dirk didn’t even notice until it was gone.

Why I love it: ANGST! This appeals to every single one of my angst tendencies, and as I’m using this rec list to rec things I love I have to give a shoutout to the most wonderfully angsty fic I’ve read. I love this fic. I love the premise, I love the tension, I love the way it’s written, I love how awful the situation is. I love the way this fic is resolved, I love that it’s plausible, realistic in that. It’s incredibly emotional in all the worst ways and that makes it one of my favourite short fics ever.

Cut To The Feeling by zaphodthebb - Rating: G, WC: 2.1k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: Post Blackwing rescue, Todd is awake and on guard duty. He's had too much coffee. Also, Dirk can't sleep.

Why I love it: I’m such a sucker for post-big-things fic and this one nails the feeling perfectly. You can feel the exhaustion, the way smaller things they didn’t have time to worry about before catching up to them now they can stop for a moment. Both Dirk and Todd feel tired and real and it’s just a lovely read.

split the secret up by piggy09 [@sharkodactyl] - Rating: T, WC: 5.1k, Pairing: N/A

Summary: He asks if Dirk can hear it and Dirk just laughs, the sound reassuringly human.Well, not reassuringly. Reassuringly would mean Todd had to be reassured.It’s just – it sounds human. Which is good. Because Dirk is human. Definitely

Why I love it: Why don’t I love it? The idea of the Blackwing subjects being Eldritch in some way is a concept I’ve explored numerous times because it appeals to me so much, and if it appeals to you then you want to read this fic. It’s eerie and unsettling, the ability to hit the tone of not-quite-right is perfect, the pacing is astounding and it’s so hard to write a fic like this and keep the idea together as well as it’s done here. I love experimental styles of writing and when they turn out like this it’s not hard to see why. I love this fic a lot. (I would also recommend reading on desktop not mobile because the formatting of this fic adds so much to it!)

Catharsis by ben8615 - Rating: T, WC: 1.3k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: Dirk is broken as heck, so why not have him cry it out? That's it. That's the whole story. You can all go home now.

Why I love it: The title and summary say it all really! This is such a lovely little fic about Dirk getting some catharsis in a way we all know he desperately needs, and paired with Todd taking care of him so gently? It’s such a perfect, wonderful little fic that just feels quiet and safe and wonderful.

objects in mirror may be closer than they appear by sharlook [@aceabed] - Rating: T, WC: 8.8k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: You’re alone, with your arms wrapped tight around a pillow at god knows what time in the night, and there are tears running down your face because you can’t seem to stop thinking about it, not even in your dreams. And then clutching your covers you get an idea. (In which Dirk has nightmares about Blackwing, goes to Todd for help, and is really, really, really in love.)

Why I love it: This fic aches in such a beautiful way. It doesn’t shy away from the ramifications of what Dirk went through and how that plays out for him, his fears and paranoias feel real and present in a way I really appreciate. The choice to use second person is a really good one, it’s a tricky pov to pull off but this definitely gets it right and is better for it. The development of Dirk and Todd’s relationship, particularly looking at Todd’s reactions to Dirk’s worries through Dirk’s eyes is just wonderful and it’s well worth a read.

Those Grey Days by TheRoyalPrussianArmy [@theroyalprussianarmy] - Rating: G, WC: 2.4k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: The bad days weren't always days. They could creep up, like some small, silent predator and deliver a swift bite that poisoned its victim's outlook. A blue sky could turn into grey one heartbeat after a laugh. The gentle sound of the wind in the trees would suddenly become overwhelmingly irritating. Even so much as a door closing or footsteps across the floor could lead to a strong desire to cry and scream, to rage and throw things. They would always pass, of course, but in the moment they were devastating.

Why I love it: We all know I love a good Todd characterisation, and I love a good exploration of the shitty realities of bad mental health and letting other people help you with that. I really really love this fic for both of those reasons, it’s unflinching without being gratuitous, and I really love the way it doesn’t promise sudden miraculous recovery at the hands of someone else, but ends on a gentler kind of promise of having people be there for you if you let them be. Also I’m a huge fan of the way this is written, it reads so nicely and it’s more than worth it.

Light Work by juniper_and_lamplight [@juniper-and-lamplight] - Rating: T, WC: 2.8k, Pairing: Farina

Summary: Tina had, with her typical blunt insight, poked at Farah’s motivations for baking the cake herself. “Is it some kind of control-freaky thing? Like you can’t trust anyone else to get it right?” And while Farah couldn’t honestly say no to that question, her real motivation ran deeper.

Why I love it: This fic is wonderful. I always think we need more Farah insights, and this fic does just that in such a beautiful way, catching on her idiosyncrasies and the character building is to die for. It’s such a simple idea and yet the story itself manages to be rich and full, the imagery is simply gorgeous and every little snippet of a look into Farah’s life as it was in the past and is right now just delights me. Honestly this fic will leave you with a sweet, warm feeling all the way down to your toes and dwelling in the comfort of knowing Farah is loved by herself and others in all the ways she deserves.

or make a home by reptilianraven [@actualbird] - Rating: T, WC: 6.6k, Pairing: Brotzly

Summary: “Perhaps,” Dirk says in his best ‘yes, I’m bullshitting you, but I’m your boyfriend and you love me still’ voice. “The universe wants it this way.”“The universe wants you to always forget to put the cap back on the toothpaste,” Todd says, unimpressed, screwing the cap on himself.-Or Todd’s adventures in dating Dirk Gently, the mundanities of which unsurprisingly turning out to not be very mundane at all (featuring, among other things: intergalactic wormholes, regular periods of lying down on the floor, and several annoying habits that concern toothpaste and toothbrushes.)

Why I love it: You know those fics you read that make you want to throw your face into a pillow and scream with emotions? Yeah. This fic is so ridiculously good. The beauty of mundane daily rituals that make up part of a relationship! The way those things grow together, evolving into each others spaces and lives, this fic explores that so well. The portrayal of their relationship is so soft and tender, so happy and bright and silly and sad and everything a relationship should be. Honestly I can’t overstate enough how much I love this fic, I can’t go on and on here, but I’m about 99% sure this fic invented love-in-small-spaces kinda way. Also, sidetracking from all my other comments, if you like Mika’s song Tiny Love and the reprise of it then you’ll love this fic because I listened to it and immediately thought of it. Beautiful, emotional, fic. If this fic was a blanket I’d burrito myself in it and never leave.

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There we go! I obviously have far more than ten fics that fall into this category and hopefully more of them will be cropping up over the course of this week if I can find the time to make that happen, but as this is something I’m lowkey scared of doing I’m pleased enough to have this much! Thank you so much to @dghdafeedbackfest for organising this!

If you read any of these fics and like them please let the author know! Also check out some of their other stuff, because a lot of these authors are writers I love in general!

#dghda feedback fest #dghda #fic recs #my posts #this fandom is so talented and I love you all so much #i had to limit myself to ten because otherwise it never would have happened #and I could make ten more of these lists and still not have all my fave fics in it #i love everyone who contributes to this fandom #and I neeeeeeed to work my way through both my fic and commenting backlog because I am so far behind it's not even funny #i also wanted to rec stuff I love but don't see recced as often #esp older stuff that I keep going back to

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robin-bring-the-snow · 6 years

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I’ll be back

Chapter 5- Shocked.

(2-3-4)

“Why did you choose this outfit?”Gavin asked while you went to the police station.

“I like the shirt.”you answered, writting a message for your brother.

“Technically she likes the man with a shirt, but..”

“But I like that shirt.”you interrupted Richard before he said too much.

“Why did you take my hoodie?”Gavin asked.

“Because it's the only thing that matched with my jeans.”you answered cold and distant.

“Because it has your smell”Richard answered, you started to stare angrily at him.

Gavin began to laugh and you look at him, his smile is beautiful, the best thing you have seen, and his laugh influenced you, that began to laugh as a idiot.

Why you think this things? You hate him...and that isn’t funny.

“What is so funny?”Richard asked to you. You told him that you explained it after because it was to complicated to explain in a few minutes.

You stayed in the elevator, immediately Gavin approached you and took you by the side. You did not say anything because you did not notice it, because you thought you had lost your balance.

“Leave me now, I’m angry with you.”you stated slowly and angrily, after you realised what he did.

“You lost your balance.”he said looked at you.

“Well leave me fall, don’t it again.”you said acidly

“You’re smiling, why?”you noticed to Richard.

“You are funny, it’s hilarious”he said

You are happy, you feel?

“Amanda will not happy”you said worried about him. Gavin had left you and started to watch the phone.

“Amanda is never happy”Richard said, his LED turned into red

~~~

“It’s a sticky situation Captain Fowler, I have to warn that I will have to deactivate Rk800 and the another android who could or can be deviant, because a new kind of deviance has unfortunately developed.” Elijah said sitting in front of Fowler.

“Fuck you.”Hank and you exclaimed.

“Y/N, you don’t understand, there is a risk in the life of being human.”your brother said.

"I dont care, you can’t turn him off, because he is a people. He is alive.”you talked back

"You are naive."he commented

“Sorry, what?”you asked angry and confuse

“You heard right, you’re native and stupid”Elijah said smiling.

“I’ve 180 QI, I’m more young of you, I know things about you that you do not even know and do you know what? I can disassemble you.”you respond angrily.

He standing up quickly from his chair and faced you, he was slightly taller than me but this did not scare you, he was about to hit me but he did not, because Gavin had taken his wrist and blocked him.

“You can bet higher, you know it sis?”Elijah whispered to you before looking seriously Gavin

“Gavin left him, please you didn’t do this.”you said to him, before Folwer could yell at him. He obeyed and left Elijah’s wrist.

Incredible, he’s listen me, and obey.

“I’m working to new antivirus for the android.”Elijah talked, returning to look at you and the captain.

“Anyway you could be an agent of FBI, remember it.”he said to you at the end when he went out of the office.

“I’m sorry for this dramatic little screen”you apologized to Gavin, Hank and Captain, the last one told that you and Gavin would only deal with cases in which the deviant behaved abnormally.

“Have you really 180 IQ?”Gavin asked when you went out of the Captain’s office.

“Yes, doesn’t seem?”you said a little cold and little angry.

“No....that is I mean, it’s cool”he said smiling at you.

“We should go, there is new case of android behaviour. “Richard announced taking the key of the car. You and Gavin followed him.

The travel to the scene was extremely quiet.

You arrived at the crime scene and you noticed the SWAT pickup truck near the building.

The Captain Allen attempted you with your android.

“The deviant have an hostage, I had my snipers posted on all the surrounding buildings, but he hides and my snipers can not get a view. "he described the situation. Unfortunately you were joined to an android, that in addition to being an excellent detective is also a negotiator, as his previous model, in addiction you have been trained to make a profile, even to manage this kind of situation.

“What do you need?”you asked to Allen, Gavin looked the build and Richard analyzed it and every information.

“You have to force it to move. Only in this way we can save the hostage.”Allen answered.

“Gavin, Richard come with me.”you called over to you. The SWAT helped you and Gavin to wear the bulletproof vest.

“Kamski, 57th floor.”Allen stated.

“Okay, Richard go ahead”you said, indicating the skyscraper

You moved forward into skyscraper, Richard was the first to come in, he is always the first in this type of situation.

“Try to find out the name of the android and send me the information.”you ordered to Richard while you were activating the device.

“Y/N stay behind me”Reed surpassed you and stayed behind Richard.

“What’s wrong Reed, you are afraid that your partner stole your man”you said winking and teasing it at the same time.

“No, I just don’t want Fowler to entrust me with a new human case.”he answered with his arrogant grin.

Typical.

“Can I say something?”Richard demanded before leaving the elevator.

“No.”Gavin and you replayed.

You walked down the corridor until you get to the indoor pool area, where the hostage and the criminal were, Gavin positioned himself behind a bar table a little further, you was advancing as you saw the bodies of some dead androids along with their owners who remained motionless, perhaps lent or terrified.

“Her name is Alyson, her model is WR400, she was sent back to Cyberlife for unquantifiable time. She had accidents caused by mistreatment.”you red the information sent by Richard.

“Okay, now I will approach, do not follow me, wait for my signal."you ordered, Richard nodded.

You started to approach her slowly, not to scare her and above all not to get shot.

“Who are you?”she asked without lost the aim on her target.

“I’m Detective Y/N Kamski. I’m here for you. You don’t do the right thing, Alyson you know?”you said stopped to approach.

“Are you an android? If you are, I will blow his head up”she screamed pointing the gun at a man in his sixties.

“No, I’m not an android, you can see. Now don’t be foolish and let the hostages go, especially what you have under fire.”you said calm.

“No, he has to pay for what he did to me.”she loaded the gun.

“No, listen I know what he did, but you shouldn’t do the same error.”you tried to reason her.

“No, he has to pay!”he screamed again, in the meantime Gavin moved from his position to take aim in order to shoot.

The android noticed him and moved the aim to him, at that moment did not reason, you pulled out the gun and fired a shot straight to the head of the android.

Stress level 100 % critical.

“You saved his life. You should be proud of yourself.”Hank said while drinking the second glass of beer.

“I’m feeling the opposite, because she was alive to.”you sadly said while drinking.

“Where is Connor?”you asked to Hank.

“Where is Richard?”he responded with another question.

“Cyberlife.”you answered while you guzzled the whiskey from your fourth glasses of the night.

You need to forget about the girl that you shot, because you wanted to help but you wanted to save the Gavin life too.

“Fuck no, he is at home. You needed a drink to relax, and I took you there."Hank said.

“I think I’m drunk too much.”you started to notice it after the tenth glass, you could not go home, especially with all that alcohol, your brother would have interrogated you.

“I call Connor, that I go to home too”Hank sitting up and went out of the bar. You paid for his and your drink and came outside.

You did not have to wait long for the car, when you got into the car Connor started with his recommendations about drinking and not getting drunk and Hank started to tell him to buzz off. I asked Connor to take you to Gavin.

“Why not at your home?”Hank mumbled looking at you.

“I don’t want that my brother see me like this”you answered smiling.

When you arrived at Gavin’s flat, you got out of the car and after you thanked Hank for this amazing night, you went into the building.

After some floor you arrived to the flat and rang the bell.

“Oh fuck..”opened Gavin.

“Hi, Gavin.”you greeted him.

“Are you drunk?”he asked and moved to let you enter his apartment.

“No.”you answered and entered in his apartment, he looked at you confused.

“Yes, god Gavin..”you said put a hand on your forehead

"Why did not you go home?" He demanded, sitting on the couch.

“Maybe because I live with my brother and I do not want him to see me like that?”you answered raising your hands with obviousness.

You were about to head for her bedroom, but you stumbled on yourself. Gavin, who had stood up, had managed to get you and keep you from falling.

“Come with me”he said took you and taking you to the bedroom. He started to undress your sweatshirt and then jeans, you let him do it.

He took one of his t-shirt and joggers, you put them on and lay on the bed. He standing up, but when you saw him left you started to feel fear.

“Now you’ll rape me”you said drunked. He stood up and go to the living room

“No. Stay, please.” you prayed him and looked.

“Okay, princess” he accepted confused and lay beside you and you moved close to him.

You fell asleep with him next to him, until you heard him screaming and shaking.

He probably did a nightmare so you stayed more near to him and took his hand.

The next morning you woke up, luckily it was Sunday and that means no work, so you stretched your arms and hit a body, jumped and turned to see who it was.

Gavin Reed.

What the fuck was he doing at your house?

You looked around and after a while you remembered what happened the night before.

“Fuck..”you whispered, getting up from bed. You went to the kitchen to see what Reed had in the fridge, there was not a lot of stuff, just the right, but you decided to opt for some bread with jam and a cup of coffee. You took the coffee maker and started making coffee, both for you and for the colleague. For him, in addition to jam and coffee, you prepared a juice with oranges that were in the fridge.

“Good morning princess.”you heard from the bedroom, you stayed in the kitchen to eat the bread with jam.

“Gavin, move your ass!”you shouted.

You heard him to come to the kitchen, i that moment y/e/c met his grey eyes.

“That night, it was amazing. You and me, in my bed, your body are made for me.”he joked with a smile.

“We didn’t do anything, Gav. I’m 180 IQ, not 90. I’m not stupid”you said serious.

“So, today is your day-off, what do you think to go out with me?”he asked took your hand.

“No”you answered brutally.

He was shocked and you smiled, looking the phone, the day had begun wonderfully.

“Why?”he asked confused.

“Because you don’t love me. You have the Lucky girl” you answered rudely.

“I see your drawing it’s beautiful.”he said watched the glass with the orange juice.

“Thanks so you took you my folder last day.”you said before drank your coffee.

“Yes, I don’t want to tell because the day before I was an asshole. You didn’t feel better and I was heartless.”he said in a guilty tone.

“Gavin Reed apologise to me. Is it my birthday?”you ironically said.

“You didn’t lose your sarcasm.”he said approached to you.

He was quite next to you, your lips was to near, you knew that this is probably caused by the fact that you slept with him and saved his life. You knew it could not be honest, but he kissed you.

You immediately detached yourself as if you had been turned away by the same flame.

“Did You kiss me to try a new lips?”you demanded looking him in his eyes.

“No, I wanted to do last night.”he replayed.

“So I have a chance?”you smiled to him, because you began to feel comfortable with him.

“Okay, I have a chance to amaze me, but not today.”you answered standing up and went to take your clothes. You will leave before the noontime.

You started to feel something for him and and above feel it as him.

#gavin reed #gavin reed x reader #rk900 #dbh gavin #dbh gavin x reader #elijah kamski #dbh rk800 #dbh rk900 #dbh hank #dbh kamski #dbh connor #dbh #detroit become human #detroit become human rk800 #detroit become human gavin #detroit become human x reader #detroit become human fanfic #hank anderson

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mysticmessingupmylife · 7 years

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Can you please do the RFA+Minor trio (platonically) with a highschool MC who keeps showing up in the chats during class time?

hey hey this is me, amanda, writing on my phone because i am too lazy to write on my laptop lolol

enjoy!

YOOSUNG:

• you were in the middle of your chemistry class when you felt your phone buzz in your pocket• you weren’t really doing anything in class so eh what the heck• you fished it out and saw that Yoosung was spamming the chatroom with complaints about his classes• you replied: “lol i feel you Yoosung i hate school.”• the chat room when silent for a while• when all of a sudden• “Yoosung is calling…”• you answered, momentarily forgetting that you were in class• “MC WHAT ARE YOU DOING TEXTING IN CLASS PAY ATTENTION WHAT EVEN”• ok Yoosung stop shouting i can hear you clearly• you were about to answer when your teacher approached your desk with a glare on their face• you shrunk in your seat as you said you had to go and handed your phone to your teacher’s outstretched hand

ZEN:

• yes Zen has posted a selfie in the chatroom• and you, a fan of Zen, HAD to see it• he mentioned earlier that he was going to post one around 1:00pm• it didn’t mattered that you were in the middle of your improv class• as soon as it turned 1:00, you had your phone OUT• you tapped the chatroom and saw the selfie and died????• “ZEN OMFJAOXIWN BEAUTIFUL AS ALWAYS BLESS YOU”• Zen was happy that you complimented him but????• “MC aren’t you in school? what are you doing here? is it like a free period for sophomores or?”• you couldn’t lie to Zen and you told him you were in class but you absolutely HAD to see his selfie• Zen FREAKED and demanded you to get off your phone so you wouldn’t get in trouble• “but Zen your selfie”• “MC get off your phone smh”

JAEHEE:

• “um MC?”• “yeah Jaehee?”• “it’s… it’s 12pm.”• “lol it is”• “aren’t you in school?”• “juniors get to leave early around 12”• “oh really?”• “lol nah i’m in physics right now”• “MC WHAT IN THE WORLD GET BACK TO CLASS”• “ok but i want to talk to you i hate this class”• “…”• “i’m glad you want to talk with me but i’m not going to let you get you in trouble!”• “awhh jaehee so sweet”• “mc go to class right now oh my god”

JUMIN:

• “heya heya what’s up mista trust fund kid~”• you were in the middle of geometry and you were so freaking bored• and Jumin was in the chatroom!• but the trust fund kid was also in a meeting and was unconsciously in the chatroom• so was he confused to see you?• yes yes he was• “MC what are you doing in here? What am I doing in here?”• “lol i dont know i’m bored”• “But aren’t you in school?”• “lol yee”• say what• Jumin was NOT having it• “That’s very disrespectful to the teacher to be on your phone. It shows that you don’t care about their lessons when they are trying your hardest. And as a freshman in highschool, you should try your hardest, since this will reflect the rest of your—”• “MC has left the chatroom.”

SEVEN/LUCIEL/SAEYOUNG:

• Seven was finished with his work for the day and was incredibly bored• but everyone was doing their own thing!• he wanted to mess with you but figured you were in school• but he knew since you were a SUCKER for memes and that you didn’t care about school anymore because you were a senior that you would immediately join the chatroom if he sent one• so• “heya MC wanna see a meme?”• you replied in 0.01 seconds• “DO I WANNA SEE A MEME HE ASKS. LMAO DO YOU BREATHE SEVEN”• so the Defender of Justice sent you a shit ton of memes!!• which made you laugh out loud accidentally in class• and get in trouble by your calculus teacher• “SEVEN WTF I GOT IN TROUBLE”• seven died of laughter• “don’t hate the memer MC! hate the meme!”• “I HATE YOU DIE”

• “HEY JIHYUN”• V, who was in the middle of is breakfast, glanced at his phone and saw that you were in the chatroom• even though he barely goes in, you seemed as if you were in distress so he answered: “MC? what’s the matter?”• you WERE in distress because??? world history was so hard???• you complained to V about your dilemma which made him chuckle• “MC aren’t you a sophomore? aren’t you supposed to know this?”• “V YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND IDK WTF A FREAKING ‘PERSIAN WAR’ IS”• *facepalm*• “MC just look it up, i’m sure it’s not that hard and aren’t you in school right now? why are you here?”• you were in a snappy mood and V wasn’t making the situation better• “isn’t it obvious? I NEED HELP”• “mc ask for help… from your teacher…”

SAERAN:

• it’s the first period of the day and you already wanted to die• your algebra 2 teacher was giving you shit• so you decided to bitch out in the chatroom• and Saeran just happened to be there lol• “yall my mf teacher is about to catch these hands i’m sick of her”• Saeran raises his eyebrows at your complaining and replied back: “mc wtf are you doing here pay attention in class”• you rolled your eyes and type back: “i fuckin hate school why am i here come pick me up Saeran”• Saeran scoffed and replied: “i can’t just go and get you MC you have school and it’s only 9am”• but you persuaded him into picking you up while saying that you guys could hit up an ice cream shop• “fine i’ll go get you but you’re payingfor my ice cream”• “SAERAN YOUR A BLESSING THANK YOU”

VANDERWOOD:

• “MC what the fuck are you doing in here”• you were headed to your biology class and decided to visit the chatroom out of boredom• “what does it look like i’m doing lol i’m texting you”• Vanderwood was confused. “wtf shouldn’t you be in school”• “shouldn’t you be married by now?”• TRIGGERED VANDERWOOD• “your stupid little—”• “Zen has entered the chatroom.”• oh no• “WHAT WERE YOU GONNA SAY TO MC YOU STUPID ASSHOLE?”• you laughed: “aye hey Zen”

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hella-free-space · 7 years

Text

Repurposing “Betta Tanks”

I’m a big fan of ‘upcycling’ stuff and I hate just throwing things away (especially pricier things).

There’s SO MUCH (literally a ridiculous amount) of misinformation about bettas that gets circulated by pet stores, facebook users, pinterest users, youtube users, and even betta-centered websites! There’s also plenty of people who have gone out and purchased bettas and “betta tanks” only to find out later that they’re completely unsuitable homes for their new finned friends! D: (If you’d like to know more about bettas and proper husbandry, check out this post) It would seriously suck if I went out and bought one of those Aqueon Betta Falls tanks (they are completely inappropriate for any fish or live animals and they can seriously injure bettas and other fish), which costs around $40 btw, only to learn that I’ve got to start totally from scratch and shell out another $40-100 PER safe and proper setup (the betta falls holds up to 3 fish, so that’s up to 3 new setups). and then after buying a whole new tank and equipment, I’m left with an expensive death trap. I wouldnt feel right selling it anyone else (who might use it to house bettas) but I also don’t want to just throw it away. Do I just put it back in the box and put it up on some high shelf in the garage? NO. NO I DO NOT. I’m going to find a good use for it, and I’m hoping that some of the ideas listed below give y’all some ideas too! more under the cut

Wall Mounted Fish Bowls

[Source] These are usually anywhere from 1/2 - 1 Gallon, and are available from a number of brands and sellers on amazon and ebay. The idea is pretty cool and novel, but obviously not a healthy home for a betta (or other fish / invert). Consider using it as a hanging terrarium or planter! You can do fresh cut flowers, marimos, pothos, bamboo, java fern, anubias, or even an entire miniature aquascape! Funny enough, you can actually buy hanging glass terrariums / planters as well, so here’s some visuals!

USB / Desktop Aquariums

youtube

NO. DON’T DO IT. PUT THOSE FISH DOWN RIGHT NOW. THEY ARE NOT GOING IN THIS TANK. I’ve seen people keep bettas, guppies, tetras, etc. in these things and I just want to make it very clear that these are NOT suitable for anything...

EXCEPT MARIMOS!! :DD Marimos love a little bit of current and can be kept in bowls, jars, or tiny tanks! I think that having a little bit of current and some mini marimos and even some miniature decor would make an awesome edition to any desk, especially since it comes with a light and pump! :) Feel free to get creative tho! you can grow bamboo, pothos, and other plants out of it as well, or do a miniature aquascape, or even do some simple aquatic plants like anacharis, or an anubias nana petite one a tiny piece of driftwood~ have fun with it! :)

Betta Falls

OF DEATH. these tanks can seriously injure your fish, are too small to hold a stable cycle, will stress the fish out (because they can see each other) and are honestly no bigger than the cups you bought them in :/

What’s really cool about this tank is the design, though. Its got this cascading waterfall type design which would probably be awesome for marimos since they get their round shape from being rolled around by the current! A bit of flow is the way to go~ Also, being able to do 3 totally different (or completely complementary) sections is what makes this an especially fun and challenging upcycle!

- You can do some cool rocks or miniature aquarium decor and use it as a waterfall, similar to how these little countertop fountains are used - You can grow bamboo or other semi-aquatic plants out of these compartments - You can grow fully aquatic plants in these compartments - You can even add some fake bettas if you want to add a lil fishy centerpiece - You can do any combination of different things and you’ve got 3 compartments to decorate however you see fit! :D

Betta Cubes

no.

NO!!

YAAAAAAAAAAS!! see where I’m goin with this y’all?

Other “Betta Tanks”

Besides plants, betta tanks also make fantastic enclosures for invertebrates!! :D I’m talkin about your snails, your millipedes, your slings (baby tarantulas), and even your mantids!!

@hipsterzombiesquad took this 1/2 gallon “betta tank” and turned it into a small terrarium for their snails!! :D It’s literally the cutest thing <3 (there’s two teeny tiny snails on top of the rock ornament in case you’re looking for them!)

Amanda L. left this review about the Sweetness Betta Tank: “This is not appropriate for any fish, but I bought this to house a tarantula spiderling. My spider is quite happy and not only is the enclosure cute and a good size for this dwarf species juvenile but the interesting shape let me set up a really deep starter burrow that he's currently excavating and webbing up.”

youtube

This is one of these marina betta tanks. Youtube user ShreckKram used it for a praying mantis! I’m not sure how tall the mantis is compared to the enclosure, but generally you want the terrarium to be 3x as tall and 2x as wide as your mantid is at the very least :)

youtube

Emzotic also used the marina betta tank for some snails! :D (skip to 6:20 to see baby snails!)

Bugsincyberspace sells a ton of different invertebrate kits as well! These are biobubble deco cubes that are often marketed towards bettas but as yall can see, they’d make a great bumblee millipede terrarium! :D

The Fish Bowl

[Source] Last but not least, we have to talk about what in the heck to do with these classic fish bowls, drum or not. These bowls are basically blank canvases and there are tons of decor ideas floating around on pinterest, but for now I wanted to give yall a few decor ideas and a then show yall some more interesting uses!

These sand bowls are a really cute alternative to live plants and with all the miniatures you can buy on amazon or ebay or at hobby lobby or michaels (or even walmart), there are so many unique themes / scenes you could choose to create. You can also do a little zen garden of sorts with rocks and different colored sand and a miniature rake even!

A fairy garden!

I don’t personally drink, but I know there are Of Age fishblrs on here, so this is for you! Tipsy Bartender also did a video for this drink!

Of course I had to include a planted terrarium too! Now, when I created a fish bowl succulent terrarium a lot of people said that it wasn’t the best kind of container for succulent since it traps humidity and there’s no drainage (feel free to drill some holes if ya know how to do that tho!). If you’re worried about keeping succulents in a bowl like this, there are tons of mosses and ferns and such that you could use to create a terrarium :) SerpaDesign has a TON of instructional videos for making terrariums!

Another decor idea!

Now, this is similar to something I actually made for my then-boyfriend (now husband) for valentines day a few years ago. I made a little luvdisc aquarium in a dollar store fish bowl (they’re like 16 oz. super small). I used like, glass pebbles and plastic plants and filled it with this fake water stuff and it came out pretty cute! I’m so sorry that I don’t have a picture of it for yall but the concept is fun and you can do the same thing with pretty much any plastic creature you have!

The last idea I have for y’all today involves food. I’m not the best cook, but I do freakin love me some chocolate, so with halloween coming up, you can use that old fish bowl (preferably cleaned. very well.) for a party-size bowl of dirt-and-worms or the summery sandy alternative (for the vanilla or banana pudding lovers out there). This version features some cute little amphibians! And of course I had to include a dinosaur version because of course I do.

There’s tons of other holiday decor and food and drink ideas as well. since this post is sooooo incredibly long, I’ll just list these last few ideas as links instead of including pictures and everything else.

Glass halloween lighted bowls

DIY Gumball machine

DIY Candy Dispenser

Shark Jello Bowls

The cutest halloween graveyard terrarium

Fishbowl centerpieces

Frog jello cups

Caught ya bein good reward bowl

Fish-themed slime

Goldfish snack bowl

Tissue Paper Lanterns

Dinosaur Terrariums

Origami Fish bowl

Resin Fish Bowls (most of these are miniatures but i dont see why a larger version would be any less cool)

Fish bowl punch (feel free to switch it up and add gummy octopuses too)

Paint it black and make a dry ice cauldron

Paint it black and make it a cauldron candy or punch bowl

#upcycle #upcycling #repurposing betta tanks #betta bowl #fish bowl #diy #bettablr #fishblr #petblr #aquablr

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resbang-bookclub · 8 years

Text

AMA Transcript: Cryptid

This past week, @rogha dropped into Discord chat and answered some questions about Cryptid! Here’s some of what went down:

Implied Q: How did you come up with this idea?

Rogha: Okay, so I saw this tumbly post like three years ago and it was HumansofSomewhereOtherThanNewYorkLikeMAYBESeattle. And it was about this lady who accidentally adopted a wolf (wolfdog?) from a shelter. Anyway, I couldn't find the post, so maybe it was all a dream, but that's the idea birth.

Q: Why did you choose the name Shakira for the doggo/wolfie?

Rogha: Shewolf. She was [also] a gazelle in Zootopia and I used that as bizarre animal foreshadowing. When I referred to her as 'playing a giraffe in that one film' ... I only ever foreshadow in jokes and I dont think anyone ever notices.

Q: Did you have it planned from the start that he’d end up a cryptid?

Rogha: Not at all. I'm not sure how that happened exactly, but probably like 'what is the most implausible thing to happen if you walk your dog at drunk people going home o'clock?'

Q: What was your favorite scene/bit to write?

Rogha: Uh... probably the text convos? NO. THE EMAILS. Those came from a very real place in my soul.

Q: OKAY BUT WHAT ABOUT THE LETTER TO WES?

Rogha: Well, he had to tell Wes somehow. And I figured Wes was a horse kid and Soul was a wolf kid. And also that Soul is a weenie.

Q: Since this is such a silly story, was it fun to work on the whole time or were there parts that were tough?

Rogha: Some parts were tough, actually, like trying not to make everything happen too fast but trying to keep it in that short format? I'm not sure how well I succeeded with it actually, but just timing it all was difficult. Like, I wanted to show Soul getting closer to the squad by him treating them the same way he treats Wes, but I think I went too fast with the 'Soul hangs you on those he loves.' Which is a bizarre thing to do now that i think about it.

Q: Did you have a plan going into it, or did the sillyness just happen organically?

Rogha: Me? A plan?

Q: Who was your favourite character to write?

Rogha: Black Star maybe? (Or Stein. Maybe Stein.) Black Star was like the weird voice of reason though. His life was strangely together and he's just such a bro.

Q: The guerrilla repairman thing caught me off guard, but now I'm married to it.

Rogha: Well, that's like... a hundred percent Ron Swanson. I'm trying to use my words here. Like Ron Swanson would call you by the wrong name, but like, if the streetlamp near your house had the bulb blown and you had to walk 20 feet in darkness at night, he would fix it. So I took that guerillahandyman thing Ron Swanson does and applied it to Blackstar because he's tough and he can be a little scary, but he's huge softie.

Q: Why did you decide to make Shakira blind?

Rogha: That's a tough question, and it's a product of research. I was looking into the care of wolves as pets and if they're not cared for properly, they can go blind. So then I looked into the care of blind dogs. Blind dogs can be very shy and they can't go up stairs. Ultimately it was easier for me to justify to myself keeping a wolf as a pet if she was more dependent on humans, because really wolves are wild animals and shouldn't be kept as pets. I think as well, it added a set of challenges and solutions to the fic. Wolves and wolfdogs are very prone to escaping and trying to escape; blind dogs tend to be homebirds. Wolves are incredibly social, blind dogs are not. Walking a blind dog is a much slower process and for Shakira, who is very shy, I could justify the night walks better that way.

Q: Was there a bit that was your least favorite to write?

Rogha: Also tough. There are parts - Soul's work, his visit with his great aunt - that I didn't really like writing, and maybe no one liked reading, but I thought it was important to show like, what Soul's life is like without Shakira and Maka and Black Star. But god they were tough. There are some parts I like in them, but that was an uphill battle for me.

Q: I have to know. What the heck is yellow pack cola? It's killing me inside.

Rogha: Oh. It's just like... generic? Yellow pack is just slang for generic. I thought that was a thing but apparently not. Did you guys argue about this?

Q: Not argue, just discuss. Q: We didn't argue so much as hypothesize and comb through urban dictionary. One theory had to do with Fallout.

[for reference: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-bXJgAP_EDzI/Tx3n8RqWbMI/AAAAAAAAIVQ/zijEb500e6U/s1600/No-Name-Cola.jpg]

Q: Was there a character you identified with a lot while writing?

Rogha: I identify a lot with Soul, or at least I write him in a way that is very reminiscent of my feelings of 'I want friends but I want them to come to me, I am too afraid.' I think that's why I probably write from his perspective a lot. I only write from Maka's if she's tired or drunk anymore it seems, which is weird because objectively we have more in common.

Q: What was it like working with your artists?

Rogha: Uh, AMAZING. Amanda lived in Seattle and she really helped me set the vibe and the setting, and her art blew me away. It really conveyed the mystery and the humour I wanted. And Sig was so sweet and like, that shit is legit hard to do. The snuggles nearly killed me my guys. Also, for the first time ever, I shared a timezone with a partner.

Q: Sequel in the works?

Rogha: I'm not saying there is, but if there was, it would be called Cryptid 2: The Night of the Return of the Wolfwalker from Hell. Also Soul and Maka did not smooch even once, so there's that.

Q: Are Hercules and Shakira dbffs [dog best friends forever]?

Rogha: Yes. I was going to make her cold as fuck but then he might die, so I could not.

Q: Is Hercules ever cool with Soul? Does Soul win him over with treats?

Rogha: That would be in the unconfirmed sequel.

Thanks again to Rogha for an awesome AMA! Stay tuned for more AMA transcripts coming soon!

#AMA transcripts #rbbc #resbang #Cryptid

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jess-oh · 5 years

Text

Reflection

hey God,

i feel really guilty right now.

to the point that i feel physically sick and could barf at any moment. i can already feel the stomach acids starting to burn my throat.

a part of me just wants to cry.

God, I’m losing sight of who I am in you.

I’ve been experimenting a lot recently and doing things that I thought were just me getting back to my roots and who I am but I’m realizing a lot of the things I used to do weren’t very pleasing to you. I do really enjoy stand up comedians and I think they’re really funny. And enjoying their blunt nature isn’t bad in it of itself. But they do curse. A lot. And use your name in vain. A lot. I don’t feel comfortable sharing that side of me and those interests with the people at church because a part of me knows it isn’t pleasing to you. It isn’t honoring to you. But because I can’t face that truth and reality of the situation, I just blame everyone else. I just say, “Oh, I have nothing in common with the people at Lakeview or Movement. That’s why we can’t get along. It’s their fault, not mine. They should try harder to have more things in common with me. I’ve already tried too hard and too much. I deserve to rest. I deserve to be served.” And things along those lines. Those aren’t all things I’ve necessarily explicitly said but they are definitely some of my inner thoughts that I choose to ignore but are definitely there. Of course I don’t get along with everyone. I have such a me vs them mindset and blame them for my pain and misfortune instead of just really genuinely caring for them and serving them. I can’t expect the community to get better overnight and magically get better at welcoming. Ideally, they already would have that personality and willingness. In this case, they don’t. And that’s okay. But I need to learn to humble myself and really invest in them as individuals to be more welcoming and accepting. i need to be a role model for them and encourage/challenge them to do the same. instead of just expecting them to act that way.

sidenote: i am really irrationally afraid that someone is going to break into my apartment when im not home and be hiding in my room or something and attack me or steal from me or other things to me. im really afraid someone is going to break into my apartment w/o me knowing and i’ll just come home totally unsuspecting and be susceptible to danger i dont even know exists.

but tbh, im also afraid of people breaking in while im home as well. im just really afraid of living alone, surprisingly. bc at least if theres two of us and someone breaks in, one person can help the other or call the police or help attack the perpetrator or something. if im alone, i have to struggle on my own. theres no one that’s got my back. i just need to do my best to survive in the moment. i would feel so much fear if i heard someone’s footsteps in my apartment or someone opening the door. i would probably turn off my lights and hide in my closet but be so on edge that i would be found out. i never want to experience that. ever. God, please make it so I never do. Please.

i feel kinda guilty rn bc i wanted to stay up to plan my class for kidsland today but honestly i just feel so nauseous and my throat feels so acidic that i think itd just be better if i slept now and planned my class tomorrow. i know i shouldve been/done a better job at preparing sooner but i didnt so here i am now.

------

i ended up falling asleep and just doing the research/getting my notes together this morning on the train and while at church before the teacher’s meeting

i was planning on staying up to do the design so as to not disappoint jenny and do the necessary research for my class so they have a good time and make the most of my opportunity teaching them but i honestly felt so nauseous and did barf a little last night. i knew it’d be better to just sleep and hopefully feel better in the morning and then work on my materials today. and i was right. i did feel better after sleeping and i was still able to get my materials together today.

so last night, i went to ari’s party and i didn’t think it would be like a college party party. i thought it would just be a small kickback with some friends where some people drank, some people didnt, and we just played games together all night long. i didnt think there would be so much booze, so many people i didnt know, so much talk about sexually immoral things, and feel so incredibly hated and persecuted and judged for my faith and how i carry myself. i knew people were judging me for leaving when they were starting their kink game. for judging me for not drinking alcohol. for not wholeheartedly agreeing with their beliefs that Catholicism is horrible and that God isn’t real. I was one of three straight, binary people at the party last night out of maybe twenty people. And as it gets increasingly harder to be a Christian, I feel even more and more alone from the people in Movement. And a part of me really wants to leave. I’ve tried and tried and tried so hard for so long to be a part of the community and in the end, it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. Today, P. Josh preached about evangelizing and what it means to share the gospel. And then P. William introduced communion and challenged us and asked if we were serious about actually living this out and constantly sharing the gospel and being defined by this. And ultimately, I was too afraid. Thinking about myself in the room with everyone at the party last night, I felt so alone. And I didn’t want to lose them. I didn’t want to risk the community and friends I feel like I do have—especially with my co-workers who have been there for me during such trying times and have comforted me and accepted me as I am—for the sake of the gospel. I know this is something I need to do and should do and how God, you, have called me to live. But I couldn’t do it. Because without them, I feel like I don’t have anyone. I know that I need to just get over the Chinatown outing/trip that happened in April but I really was so incredibly hurt by that. Because it was honestly just hard for me to even give people the opportunity to come downtown again. To show that they do care about us and see us as a part of the community. And they were so seemingly excited to go too. So when almost no one showed up, I was honestly heartbroken. Them not coming and not telling us they couldn’t come just meant to me that we weren’t worth the time or energy to travel that far. Because we aren’t that important to them. We aren’t a part of the community. We’re on our own. And I know that Amanda has got my back and I do love her dearly. But she isn’t in Movement anymore. She graduated. She’s moving on. She’s in Catalyst now. And I’m on my own. And honestly, I don’t feel a community with Movement. Instead, I feel like I need to be strong for them and be someone they can rely upon and look up and trust to do what is right and lead by example. I want to leave Movement, and maybe even Lakeview now, knowing that I was able to disciple people well enough where I can trust that the community will keep growing in the right direction. That even when I leave, there will be willing people. People willing to put in the time and worth and effort and energy to make sure that they are a people striving to be more like Christ. Striving to make sure no one feels left out or left behind. Striving for a better future. And I know I’m only human and ultimately it has to be through God working in me for this to become possible.

But I know every single person in new MAST has a good heart. They do all want a better future. They want to build a community of acceptance and openness. I genuinely believe this as fact. But they aren’t there yet to make this a reality. I want to be able to stand firm in my faith and do what is right even if I am alone in doing so. Even if they would rather fit in with each other or take the easy way out, I want to be able to stand tall and strong. Even if I am alone. Even if no one is on my side. I want to continue to do what is right because I know it is pleasing to the Lord. Because I trust that He will move within their hearts and that they will eventually learn to also do what is right. But I don’t know if I can give up my friends at school, people I actually get along so easily and well with. People that have common, shared interests with me. We watch the same shows, have the same hobbies, like the same supplies. I have almost nothing in common with the people at Movement. I kind of don’t even really have anything in common with the people at Lakeview. And I have tried to find common interest. I tried to get into smash but I don’t really has easy/ready to access opportunity to play or practice smash regularly. I don’t play sports, nor do I really have the resources to engage in sports even if I wanted to. There’s not really a sports team or anything at my school. I tried to get into k-pop and other korean stuff and ended up just being ignorant and excluding the non-koreans in our community. i dont know what else to do.

and i know, having Christ in common is supposed to be the most important thing and of much greater value and importance than any of these other things in the world. But I really would like to have at least just one friend in Movement to whom I can talk to so easily and freely. Someone I actually have things in common with. Someone I can relate to. Someone who obsesses over the same things I do and shares common interest with me. Is that too much to ask?

Today, I left before P. William started communion. I really tried to stay but I knew I would feel way too much guilt to partake in communion when I myself was internally struggling so much with preaching the gospel. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t make a false promise to God. And I didn’t want everyone to notice me in the pew not going up when everyone else did. So I left.

And I can just chalk it up to feel nauseous again or something which could totally pass because I actually was in the restroom for the whole time until I had to go and teach for Kidsland. But the truth is, I just couldn’t face it. I was too afraid. I couldn’t make that commitment to God. At least not then. And not now either. I just couldn’t do it. So like a coward, I left.

And I was really anxious about running into P. Josh or P. William again after that. I was even kind of dreading going into college hour because I didn’t want P. Josh to ask me why I suddenly left and just blatantly lie to his face. I couldn’t do that to him. I have too much love and respect for him. But I also don’t know if I can just be honest and tell him the truth either.

Even right now. I’m debating on whether or not to go to Jenny’s thing tonight. I don’t know if I’ll have the strength and energy to pretend to be totally fine and happy the whole time and like nothing is wrong when in reality, it feels like I’m drowning. Like everything is crashing and burning down around me.

But I feel like I’ve already told too many people that have asked if I’m coming that I am. I feel like I just have to go and get it over with at this point. I could still potentially bail on tonight and say I was feeling sick again. I don’t know yet.

I’m still trying to figure things out.

Please bring my clarity on what I should do, God. Please.

I don’t know how much longer I can keep living this life.

Why am I even here? Maybe I should just leave.

I was able to pretend like everything was fine during class today for Kidsland. I just hope I can do that for a longer period of time with the adults. As long as I just avoid everyone in Movement, I think I’ll be okay.

Sigh.

Okay.

I got this.

I just. I need to really pray and intercede on these things to God later. When I’m alone. I don’t want to tell anyone what I’m going through right now in fear that it’ll just end up being burdensome to them. P. Josh doesn’t need to hear this again or how I’m struggling with being a Christian at my school again.

I just feel so alone and I don’t know what to do anymore.

Honestly, even today during college hour, when P. Josh and Christine asked what we want out of these summer sessions, I wanted to say that I just want feel accepted and like I have a community and group of people I can rely on—especially as it gets harder and harder to be friends with the people at school and as they persecute God and Christianity in increasing amounts. But I couldn’t bring myself to say and confess that without feeling like I was going to cry. So I didn’t say anything at all and just kept my mouth shut.

I volunteered to share my life story next week. Hopefully I’ll be in a better place and more mentally stable to share then.

#reflection

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hatnews3-blog · 6 years

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Ask Ausiello: Spoilers on Good Place, Riverdale, Timeless, B99, Resident, Million Little Things, Flash and More

Got a scoop request? An anonymous tip you’re dying to share? Send any/all of the above to [email protected]

Question: Got any Riverdale scoop? What’s next for Archie? —Kerri Ausiello: When we last saw Archie in the fall finale, he was dyeing his famous red locks and making a run for the Canadian border. Executive producer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa won’t tell us who he finds when he gets there, but “he is headed into the Canadian wilderness, for sure.” He won’t be seeing his dad Fred in the flesh anytime soon, though: It wasn’t shown on-screen, but the EP confirms that Fred did make it back into Riverdale before the quarantine came down.

Question: Any Million Little Things scoop? My friends and I are obsessed with it and hope it’s back for another season. —Montreal4 Ausiello: Remember how showrunner DJ Nash said that everyone in the group of friends has a secret they’ve kept? Look for Regina’s to come to light in Episode 14.

Question: Any scoop on what to expect when Grey’s Anatomy returns? —Al Ausiello: I will have a special holiday treat for you this coming Monday, so sit tight. In the meantime, I tried to get showrunner Krista Vernoff to share even the tiniest bit of intel about Jennifer Grey’s mysterious character and… I struck out. “I can’t [say anything],” she responded. “Because it would really ruin a twist and turn that I don’t want to ruin.” Hmm… I’m sticking with my initial prediction: She’s Jo’s mom.

Question: Anything on The Good Place? (Janet, specifically.) —Whitney Ausiello: Everyone’s favorite not-a-robot will be forever changed by having the humans materialize in Janet form, creator Michael Schur teases: “The way to really have empathy for people is to walk a mile in their shoes, and she did, like, the inverse of that. A bunch of people walked in her weird body for a decent amount of time… so that is another contributing factor to her evolution.” He adds that the season finale “has some pretty wonderful ‘compare this version of Janet to the one you saw in the pilot’ kinds of scenes.” So enjoy, Janet fans!

Question: I’m glad Dorian finally confronted Kaleb about his feeding problem on this week’s Legacies. Can I stop worrying about MG now? —Susan Ausiello: I don’t think it’s ever safe to stop worrying about MG, but as far as Kaleb goes, it sounds like Dorian’s pep talk was just the beginning. “Kaleb has a lot of really big ideas, and a lot of opinions about how things should work,” series creator Julie Plec says. “Much like in the real world when a hot-headed teenager thinks he can second guess what makes the rules the rules, he’s going to have a rude awakening pretty soon where he realizes he doesn’t know as much as he thinks he knows.”

Question: The ending of New Amsterdam‘s fall finale makes me think that Max’s cancer is progressing quicker than first assessed. Will this affect the clinical trial Dr. Sharpe has gotten him into? —Malasha Ausiello: We brought your query to showrunner David Schulner, and he said: “While we can’t reveal here what happened to Max on that dock, we will in our first episode back January 8. But, you’re right to ask if this will affect Max’s clinical trial. It most definitely will. This setback will change a lot of things in Max’s life. And Dr. Sharpe’s too. Thanks for watching and caring and writing to TVLine about the show.”

Question: Will The Flash give us any more hints about what Nora seems to be hiding? —SSH Ausiello: Now that we know there is some sort of alliance with Eobard Thawne, you should expect “a flash-forward flashback episode” that explains “how all that came to be, which will be a lot of fun,” says showrunner Todd Helbing. “You’ll slowly start to get the pieces of info that you need, but there will probably be one episode where we explain how that all happened to get her to come back [in time].”

Question: Challenge: Make me look forward to the Schitt’s Creek holiday episode more than I am already. — Belinda Ausiello: TVLine’s resident Schitthead Charlie Mason promises me that, no matter how great your expectations are, you won’t be disappointed — the special totally “sleighs.” What’s more, he issues a warning that the episode reveals a potential stumbling block to Alexis and Ted’s rekindled romance that neither she nor we anticipated.

Question: I need to know two things about Timeless: First, will #lyatt have a baby? Two, is Jessica really pregnant with Wyatt’s baby? —Miwako Ausiello: In response to your second question, star Matt Lanter says, “We address that [in the series finale, airing Dec. 20]. We’ll find out.” As for Wyatt, he’s not suspicious of Jessica and her baby news. “We’ve seen Wyatt be blinded by love throughout the last two seasons, though, and this is nothing new for him,” Lanter says. “Inherently, he’s a good person with a good heart, and I think he has a hard time accepting that people he loves or cares about … wouldn’t be good. So I think it’s easier as an audience member to look at Jessica and go, ‘Yeah, she’s lying.’ But I think Wyatt is just more blind to things.”

Question: How many time periods will we see in the Timeless finale? —Amanda Ausiello: “There are two-plus time periods, I will say that, that we have not visited before,” showrunner Arika Lisanne Mittman shares, adding that the historical time trips highlight “ethnic representations that we have not seen before [on the show]. Both of these stories are things that [are about] lesser known historical figures. You get to meet some new people that you’ve probably never heard of.”

Question: I’d love a Resident scoop on Conrad/Nic. —Holly Ausiello: I hope you enjoyed the couple’s honeymoon phase while it lasted, because the back half of Season 2 will be “nothing but obstacles” for the pair, according to executive producer Todd Harthan. “In just about every episode, there’s a new one for them to overcome… and they just start stacking up,” Harthan says, adding that the couple will be especially preoccupied with the health of Conrad’s father and Nic’s sister. “It’s going to be a ‘hold on and hope that they make it’ kind of ride,” he teases.

Question: Any hints on how to solve the Blindspot episode title puzzle for Season 4? —Hannah Ausiello: “Oh man! We finally built a title puzzle this season that is legit very hard to crack,” showrunner Martin Gero answers. “I will say this: The puzzle is an homage to some our favorite TV series and how they title the shows. Figure out which, and you might be a step closer.”

Question: Creek’s death on Midnight, Texas was so awful. Please promise me no one dies in tonight’s episode! —Rina Ausiello: I cannot make that promise. But I can tell you that Mr. Snuggly makes it through OK. So that’s something… right?

Question: Got any red-hot Chicago Fire scoopage, Aus? —Gene Ausiello: I see what you did there and I’m… very amused. Well done. The NBC drama is planning some girls-only bonding time for Sylvie, Stella and Emily. “They’re going to go on a road trip to [Sylvie] Brett’s hometown,” showrunner Derek Haas previews. The episode will air the week of Valentine’s Day, “so we’re calling it the Galentine’s trip.” Before that, though, the show will explore Emily’s “attitudes towards dating, which are different than Brett’s, and I don’t mean LGBTQ,” Haas explains. “I mean more of what [Emily, who is bisexual] considers casual versus what Brett considers casual. All of those dynamics are going to be deepened.”

Question: March is far away. I want American Gods scoop now! —Rob Ausiello: Well, because you asked so nicely… Pablo Schrieber says the “antagonist and ally” relationship between Mad Sweeney and Laura Moon will be tested big time by his allegiance to Mr. Wednesday when the Starz drama returns for Season 2. The leprechaun’s destiny “is tied to [Wednesday], no matter what, but it’s also very thoroughly tied to her,” the actor says. “So Sweeney is walking the line, balancing what he owes Wednesday and what he’s realizing he feels in other places.” Hmm. Sounds a lot like we’ll see Laura kissing the Blarney Stone before the season’s over, am I right?

Question: Can you give us any Outlander spoilers? (Especially involving Brianna’s and Jamie’s meeting!?!) This is my first time doing this — hope I’m doing it correctly! —Carolina Ausiello: You did OK. I’ll send you some notes about how to refine your approach in a separate email. Regarding the question at hand, I turn it over to our resident sassenach, Kim Roots, who has seen the scene in question: “I have rather high standards for the huge moments on this show — the wedding night, the print shop reunion, etc. — and I was incredibly satisfied by how the father-daughter plays out in [episode number redacted according to Starz’s spoiler restrictions]. Fans of the book definitely won’t be disappointed.”

Question: Elizabeth and Henry on Madam Secretary are #couplegoals. Please tell me anything you can. —Mary Ausiello: An upcoming episode opens with the McCords taking a tango lesson. And one of them is significantly more skilled than the other.

This AAnd That… ♦ THE BLACKLIST: As teased in the Season 6 trailer, Red will spend some time behind bars after being double-crossed by a close confidant — but don’t count him out just yet. “He’s really been stripped of his superpowers,” series creator Jon Bokenkamp shares. “He’s disconnected from his resources, he may have friends who will fall away and he’s sort of on his heels, which is new for us.” But Bokenkamp assures fans that “if anyone could embrace the solitude of a cell and the experience of incarceration with open arms, it would be Raymond Reddington. We have really high stakes, but we also have some of the most fun we’ve had, as well.” ♦ BROOKLYN NINE-NINE: There will be one major.hilarious change when the sitcom makes the leap from Fox to NBC in January. “We’re allowed to bleep and blur [now],” series co-creator Dan Goor recently told us. “Fox had a no bleeping and no pixelation policy.” Now the gloves are off. “Some filthy, filthy things have been said,” added Terry Crews. “I had one [joke] where I’m ashamed. I’m actually very, very ashamed. It was so jarring that everyone was like, ‘Whoa,’ and we needed to regroup… But holy cow, we never heard language like that on the show.” ♦ CHICAGO PD: Burgess is not the only one who will have a reaction to Upton and Ruzek’s romance. In an upcoming episode, Jay “responds in a way I think you’d expect Halstead to respond,” showrunner Rick Eid teases, “and I think what’s going on in his head is a little different than what he says.” Eid also adds that Jay’s “relationship [with] Upton is interesting and evolving, so don’t sleep on that.” ♦ HOUSEKEEPING NOTE: This is the last AA of ’18 so happy holidays and all that jazz!

That’s a wrap! Please send questions, comments and anonymous tips to [email protected]. (Additional reporting by Kim Roots, Andy Swift, Dave Nemetz, Vlada Gelman and Diane Gordon)

Source: https://tvline.com/2018/12/14/million-little-things-spoilers-season-1-episode-14-regina-secret/

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julialeahus · 6 years

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Don’t Lose Sight of the Silver Lining

When using mystery shoppers to assess your staff’s performance, don’t focus solely on the negatives.

Making sure your institution’s admissions staff is performing to the best of its ability and consistently representing the school in a way that leaves a positive impression on prospective students is, obviously, a very important thing.

That’s why more schools are utilizing “mystery shoppers” to provide feedback immediately following their visit and/or interactions with admissions counselors. At Norton Norris, we’ve been a national leader in providing these assessment services for more than 20 years now and have seen firsthand the impact that these assessments can make.

One of the key benefits of engaging in an assessment exercise is to see where improvements in your staff’s performance can be made.

Are they making visitors feel welcomed and valued?

Are they articulate and positive?

Do they have the necessary information on hand to provide accurate, relevant answers to questions?

Are they making sure visitors are getting the most out of the campus tour?

These are just a few examples of things that may often be areas of focus in terms of admissions staff performance. The feedback provided from mystery shoppers provides an invaluable insider’s perspective and equips admissions offices with the necessary fodder to improve and enhance the experience delivered to visiting prospective students.

But assessments also provide another kind of information that, all too often, isn’t given the attention it deserves.

The positive outcomes.

Of course, when a school devotes time and resources to take a deeper look at its admissions and campus visit operation, it’s going to focus on those actionable items… this could’ve been done better, that person could’ve been more informed, the tour should’ve included this, and so on.

Let us help you get the results you are looking for.

Results that inform. Results that inspire. Results that impact your bottom line. Get in touch.

But what about all of the positive feedback that comes in? This rep made me feel like part of the family… they went out of their way to answer every question I had… the atmosphere just seemed so positive, and so on.

This is the kind of feedback that needs to be a point of focus as well. It can be used to reward those staff members going above and beyond, raise the office’s collective morale, and as a way to provide examples of excellent service to newer team members and those who could stand to improve in their position.

So just for fun, here are some examples of real-life positive feedback our mystery shoppers have provided (we’ve changed the names).

I arrived early, around 3:30 p.m. for my 4:00 p.m. appointment, and Samantha provided a warm welcome and handshake at 3:35 p.m. She told me not to apologize for coming early and had a sincere and positive demeanor that was infectious. I felt like I was speaking to a knowledgeable friend. At the end of the visit, Samantha wished me a lovely weekend and gave me a hug, after first asking permission. It was a very positive experience.

Amanda was personable and made me feel welcome. She began with some small talk in order to better get to know me and included comments about herself in the conversation to make me feel conformable. Amanda gave me an extensive tour of the school and was very detailed in her explanation of each area. She gave the impression that she was very proud of every aspect of the school and introduced me to staff and faculty. This was a great experience; if I knew someone who was interested in attending school, I would refer them to Amanda.

I had a very pleasant experience and based on my experience, I would have wanted to attend this campus.

I had many opportunities to ask questions throughout my interview and Bryan told me so much about the program that it made me want to start culinary school there.

Alex was very pleasant and enthusiastic as she made the college and the program sound great. She was encouraging about the job field, and she showed me a degree program that could be added onto the medical billing and coding for just an additional nine months.

During the tour, Nick showed me the student classrooms, the bookstore, Career Services, and several hands-on demonstrations. Nick’s tour was incredibly comprehensive since he showed me every nook and cranny of the school, and we spent just over 40 minutes together.

Jennifer invited me on a tour of the school. We visited all of the areas of the campus, including a small hangar. In the hangar were small planes and a helicopter. She explained that this was where I would spend a lot of time doing “hands-on” learning during the program. We continued the tour and walked outside and into another hangar. This hangar was lined with turbines and plane engines. Jennifer explained that I would also be spending a lot of time here when I was working on the power plant portion of the program.

There you have it. Objective, positive insights like these provide exceptional opportunities to reward your staff and even develop new training initiatives with the assistance of the stars you have on staff, of whom you may not even have been aware.

So remember, use all of the information that comes your way from assessments like these. And don’t lose sight of the silver lining when it comes to the performance of your admissions office.

The post Don’t Lose Sight of the Silver Lining appeared first on Norton Norris.

source https://nortonnorris.com/dont-lose-sight-of-silver-lining/ from Norton Norris https://nortonnorris.blogspot.com/2018/09/dont-lose-sight-of-silver-lining.html

0 notes

tarajadeus · 6 years

Text

Don’t Lose Sight of the Silver Lining

When using mystery shoppers to assess your staff’s performance, don’t focus solely on the negatives.

One of the key benefits of engaging in an assessment exercise is to see where improvements in your staff’s performance can be made.

Are they making visitors feel welcomed and valued?

Are they articulate and positive?

Do they have the necessary information on hand to provide accurate, relevant answers to questions?

Are they making sure visitors are getting the most out of the campus tour?

But assessments also provide another kind of information that, all too often, isn’t given the attention it deserves.

The positive outcomes.

Let us help you get the results you are looking for.

Results that inform. Results that inspire. Results that impact your bottom line. Get in touch.

So just for fun, here are some examples of real-life positive feedback our mystery shoppers have provided (we’ve changed the names).

I had a very pleasant experience and based on my experience, I would have wanted to attend this campus.

I had many opportunities to ask questions throughout my interview and Bryan told me so much about the program that it made me want to start culinary school there.

So remember, use all of the information that comes your way from assessments like these. And don’t lose sight of the silver lining when it comes to the performance of your admissions office.

The post Don’t Lose Sight of the Silver Lining appeared first on Norton Norris.

Source: https://nortonnorris.com/dont-lose-sight-of-silver-lining/

from Norton Norris https://nortonnorris2.wordpress.com/2018/09/27/dont-lose-sight-of-the-silver-lining/

0 notes

nortonnorris · 6 years

Text

Don’t Lose Sight of the Silver Lining

When using mystery shoppers to assess your staff’s performance, don’t focus solely on the negatives.

One of the key benefits of engaging in an assessment exercise is to see where improvements in your staff’s performance can be made.

Are they making visitors feel welcomed and valued?

Are they articulate and positive?

Do they have the necessary information on hand to provide accurate, relevant answers to questions?

Are they making sure visitors are getting the most out of the campus tour?

But assessments also provide another kind of information that, all too often, isn’t given the attention it deserves.

The positive outcomes.

Let us help you get the results you are looking for.

Results that inform. Results that inspire. Results that impact your bottom line. Get in touch.

So just for fun, here are some examples of real-life positive feedback our mystery shoppers have provided (we’ve changed the names).

I had a very pleasant experience and based on my experience, I would have wanted to attend this campus.

I had many opportunities to ask questions throughout my interview and Bryan told me so much about the program that it made me want to start culinary school there.

So remember, use all of the information that comes your way from assessments like these. And don’t lose sight of the silver lining when it comes to the performance of your admissions office.

The post Don’t Lose Sight of the Silver Lining appeared first on Norton Norris.

from Norton Norris https://nortonnorris.com/dont-lose-sight-of-silver-lining/

0 notes

survivorathena-allstars · 7 years

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Episode #7: “Crud Crud Crud Crud FUDGE” ~ Ruthie

I hope we win the next challenge for Autumn, Kevin, and Ruthie’s sake.

Did y'all enjoy the show cause if ya did

I mean the blindside didn't go according to plan BUT it needed to happen. This whole Autumn-has-to-do-what-we-say and we-can-come-for-her-whenever shit? Yeah that ended tonight and rightfully so. Lily knows I almost ended her but then I saved her life so she better not ever come for me again cause if I so much as hear a whisper of my name

I wish y'all could've seen my pm's but since you can't, let me just let y'all know: if you ever want to learn what's REALLY going on in your tribe? Have a tie vote between 2 people who both deserve to go. That's some scary shit and everyone now knows I'm wild so every single person was messaging me after that tie vote: - Lily sincerely apologizing this time, coming clean about Archipelago, and begging for her life - Emily sending the entire text of her alliance with JD and Zach to expose JD coming for me - JD telling me she was being selfish (once I confronted her) and she just wanted Duncan's loyalty; apparently I was in the way so that's why she spoke ill of me - Ruthie telling me she won't flip but having PTSD about rocks so she flipped - Kevin telling me don't flip but feeling petty about JD's vote so he flipped - Zach and Owen acting like they'll flip but then not Basically it didn't matter what I did, but in the moment everyone was scared shitless and the sky was falling and it was beautiful. Honestly I hate I made that promise to Amanda in my video interview about not being petty hahaha but it's fine. JD gave me her blessing to win; Ruthie has promised her loyalty; Owen swore he would vote Lily when the time came; and everyone learned I am just that cracked

youtube

Is it just me or is my tribe throwing this challenge to maybe vote me out? This is NOT cute I hope I'm just paranoid but I'm going to surprise them and win this whole thing by myself even if they DON'T help this is not a cute look. I hope I'm just paranoid. ________________________________________________________________ I'm so stressed these people really aren't going to try on this challenge, are they? crud crud crud crud FUDGE

lmaooooooooooooooooooooooo

So I'm on the bus right now and trying to think worst case scenario (i.e. we lose the next challenge). I am starting to think voting against Cameron/Dana/Will premerge is the wrong move. Not only do I love them all with my whole hort as people, but our alliance seems genuine. Additionally, I'm hoping that while that 5 is a scary group come merge, their separation since the swap will cause divisions. I think right now, I sorta want a F6 of me, Ashvika, Duncan (potentially the F3 I want right now) with Will, Dana and Cameron? I dont entirely know but that's sort of what I feel like could be good? I'd also like to see Kevin and Autumn go far, like they are super sweet and I feel like its unfair for the disconnected people to be targetted so quickly. I dont even know. Priority 1? Still winning the challenge

When it comes to challenges, something I have to say to myself is this... "What Would Jordan Pines Do?" We love loopholes. Loopholes win challenges. Let's see how we do.

Okay, someone else is helping with the challenge now, I feel like a complete bitch for thinking they were trying to set me up.

Good thing literally three people have been working on this challenge (to my knowledge) and I've been busting my ass to find as many ridiculous connections between these players as I can. I do NOT wanna go to tribal it's just not in my plans, in my schedule.

So i'll just rehash the last tribal vote. Essentially, about two hours before I thought it was going to be 6-1, knowing Lily couldn't vote due to a task provided by the now-closed Archipelago. WOOH thank god it's shut btw. However, Owen messages me around 8:30pm saying that Autumn made a rumour that the votes were going to go 3-3-1. I instantly go shocked because i'm like... wow Owen's acting REALLY shady... i'm leaving. I was expecting it to be my time. I call Emily and while on call, after leaking the rumour of the vote, I found out by Autumn that apparently her/Ruthie/Kevin were going to flip and vote out Lily. I didn't think this could happen because Kevin was close with Lily (since he leaked to Lily in the first place about the vote) and that Ruthie wouldn't lie to me. I was naive whew. I refused to tell Emily anything and I act a little like... edgy and then Owen leaks it so I just go with it. I trust Emily the most but I didn't want to cause any chaos. It goes to about 9:30 - 30 minutes prior - and everything seems fine still. I check up again with Ruthie and Kevin - they both say they're voting JD. Everything is according to plan. Autumn tells me her whole plan and in hopes, wants me to flip at the revote. Despite me thinking Lily's a bigger overall threat and it would weaken Emily's connections (meaning she could potentially be more loyal to me), I figured enough that she may feel hurt by me and I couldn't do it smoothly without causing some friction. Tribal occurs. On the call it goes 3-2-1 and there's one vote left and I truly was like "adios JD!" then... it ties. I literally am IN SHOCK! I tell Emily straight up after calling her again saying that i'm flipping if they remain intact cause i'm not going to rocks. I'll explain my thought process. Despite Lily being a bigger threat (mentioned above), she ranks at a 0 with me. We don't talk; we aren't close. That's a poor score. But by keeping her after half the tribe has flipped on her, it'll go up to a 1. Wooh upgrade! Now for JD. She was at a 3 at the start, but based on HER past actions, she was at a -1. Keeping her would make it go to -2. Simple maths --> 1 > -2 - so I decided that Lily is in my best interest to keep around. I work on Ruthie so much to get her to flip. Emily works on Kevin. Lily works on both. We promised Ruthie she wouldn't be the next vote if she flips back. Is that true? Sure. She'll stay around. But I want to form a solid majority (for this tribe) with Owen, Lily, Emily and myself - and pick off Kevin and Autumn next respectively. Maybe flipped. Don't matter to me. They really put themselves on the bottom by doing this. In before I leave WOOH! Autumn flips because Ruthie/Kevin did, and in an unanimous revote, JD leaves 6-0. I feel bad but it's kind of like brought upon herself. I'm excited to see how the other tribe perceives this since it was such a crazy vote whew. I'm just so exhausted by last nights events that i'm literally not talking to many of them right now. I'll work on damage control briefly later, but right now it's like... whatever. Owen is making Autumn sketched - or she thinks I ratted the plan out which I KIND OF did but it was mainly Owen and without being direct I want her to lose that trust with Owen but feel more loyal to me. We'll see how things work. I really like Owen so I kind of don't want to throw him under the bus, hence why i'm being like passive about this.

I've been SO cracked trying to decipher the vote last time. My current assumption is that Lily didn't vote (I still don't know entirely why) and the vote was: JD: Emily, Zach + Kevin...? Lily: Ruthie,Owen & Autumn? Kevin: JD I am confident that JD voted Kevin and Lily didn't vote, and then in the revote: 'i’ve been rocked out once in this series and it was enough, i’m sorry!’ - Ruthie "I mean, you voted for me." - Kevin "the alternative is just not happening for me. i’m confused how we even got here in the first place because this made no sense." - Emily and then if I had to guess the other 3 "EVERYTHING THAT IS CREATED WILL AT SOME POINT BE RECREATED AS SOMETHING ELSE!!!!!" - Owen "orange juice" - Zach "I promised Amanda and my admin parents I wouldn’t be petty so :( Thank you for everything/ I’m sorry it didn’t work out for you!" - Autumn ANYWHOMST I AM CRACKED TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT

I'll be honest... i keep putting in the tribe chat that i've been trying pretty hard at this challenge, and it's not that I haven't given it a shot, it's that i'm too dumb and all my energy is going to cultivating my instagam aesthetic.

Major sigh

AHHH, my sanity she's gone, but the survivor wiki isn't getting deleted like I threatened since we won

youtube

i made this before the immunity results were posted

I don’t,,,, trust Owen like at all lol but I think we can make it out of this vote alive. Also I love Zach with my WHOLE HEART if he betrays me in this game I’ll cry he’s literally my favorite person. He’s just sending me weird facetuned pictures right now and we’re just laughing and like this is WHOLESOME CONTENT is this what it’s like to have actual FRIENDS I love ORGS

Save me from the dentist please I hate this place I keep thinking they’ll call me back and they don’t ack hfgfgfghfggfghg I want this over with I have nothing to say about the game right now btw Why don’t they call me back AGHHH

Holey Moley, I'm so glad we won. As much as I talked about voting against Dana/Will/Cameron, I truly don't think I could've done it. I love them so much as people, and betraying them so nastily (Dana for the second time) is just.... not something I could've faced doing. Like, I feel like if we went to tribal (or indeed go to tribal next round if we don't merge), I probably would've played it safe and voted Charlotte? I just- ack the more I think about it, the more I'm like- I truly couldn't have betrayed those 3 like that, I love them all so much. On another note, I went HAM on that challenge, like truly any more time spent looking at those wiki pages and I was gonna *scream* if we lost. Side note, I am also incredibly annoying, like while I'm sure the tribe is grateful for my challenge contribution, I think I just annoyed everyone. And I put an ALMIGHTY target on my back by doing so much for the challenge, like I'm a challenge flop so that's so funny to me. Side note: I found it so funny that on call, Cameron said something about having the idol, and Will & Dana both did like a *pretendstobeshocked.gif*. It was SO FUNNY, because they didn't know I knew, it was wildt. ________________________________________________________________ I have a bad feeling Ruthie or Zach is going home, and I'm truly not a fan of either of those options.... Lily is the person I'm least connected to on that tribe, but I assume since she was kept safe in a tie vote by the tribe and 3 people didn't vote for her in the original vote, that they are gonna be a majority of four.

Tribal council very clearly fucked me up and it's all Autumn's fault rn fskajfhkjd like..... I told her about Lily's power because I trusted her, and she took that and completely blew it up into something to use against Lily with other people, so now Lily and Emily obviously know that Autumn found out and if Lily honestly only told Emily and I then...it's not hard to figure out. I told Emily that I told Zach about it. And Emily said that maybe Lily told Kevin who told Autumn but???? If Lily says she didnt tell Kevin, I doubt Emily would believe that she's lying for some reason. And then in her tribal answer Emily said that stuff about how she's probably being manipulated by someones kindness and I'm sitting here like that picture of the rat.... fsdkajfhkjdsfkd :( it's not my fault im such a snake. I just can't help myself. it's in my BLOOD. So Emily suggested Kevin and then also Autumn suggested Kevin? And part of me thinks that makes sense bc if Autumn and Lily were both takin heat last round then they might expect one another to be idoled and want to target someone else. Kevin seems a good middle ground for that. but at the same time....it seems suspicious they'd tell me the same name. Like they have talked and agreed that they're telling me kevin but really voting me fsdkajhfkjds fuck my whole life. I don't think Zach would betray me? And I don't think that Emily would do something without telling him... But if she and Lily don't trust me anymore and I did something to make Autumn made, they could get the votes to send me out :'( and I don't like that. I considered playing my extra vote but the most that can do is making something 4-4 if I'm going home anyways? Like say I'm getting four votes and kevin gets three, I use my extra vote and it ties 4-4 me and kevin but I dont vote on the revotes so they could still send me out 3-2. and if it's like...five votes me, two votes kevin, I use the extra vote and i'm still out 5-3? so it literally doesnt help me at all unless somehow the votes are being split for an idol. Which....maybe I could make happen but I dont like the idea of split votes either bc then even three votes could flip and send me home. god dang it. I'm going to call with Emily and zach and hopefully I feel better about it. If they play me and I go home I'm really going to fucking cry.

Me after that last tribal:

God. Owen leaked something that night about JD being messy in her original tribe. I played with her in Motunui and honestly her plans were #cracked so I should've expected that??? I think I repressed that memory. Oh and also she um voted for me which wasn't very nice :( I have no idea what to do this tribal. I told Owen before I flipped that I didn't feel safe so he promised to vote Lily with me but I don't want to vote Lily anymore but I don't want to seem wishy-washy to Owen and get voted out and I don't really have any solid allies so???? More at 10 pm I guess

Zach pronounces Mario like mare-ee-oh... I know who's getting my vote tonight

idk who the fuck zach thinks he is????????????? it's literally not "mare e Oh" what a MOFO THOT. im voting his ass out, it's pronounced mario like how it looks like mar ee oh god DAMN. woof woof grrrr (poke) ashvikanow that we won immunity and don't have to worry about safety this week, i need to start thinking of a plan for merge and how to break up a power alliance that will likely form between some of the bigger players

I'm over here, winnin another immunity, just praying for the megre at this point honeys! I WANT LILY TO GO. TONIGHT. PLEASE GOD MAKE IT HAPPEN.

I love how obvious Zach makes it that he, owen, emily and lily have an alliance that I'M NOT INCLUDED IN.

It seems like everyone's uncertain and confused so either this is some elaborate scheme to fuck me up or the tribal really just did #that to everyone. It makes me feel really uneasy nonetheless nnnnn but I don't wanna be pushy or anything bc I'm not really in the position to do it?

Okay, so it looks like we are merging tonight which AHHHHHHHHHH! Anyway, I am so glad our tribe didn't go to tribal. I genuinely don't think I could've truly voted against Dana/Will/Cameron so it would've been a case of disappointing Duncan. For the time being anywhomst, the question becomes... who is gonna go at the Atalaia tribal tonight... Here is what I know: - Owen has an extra vote playable tonight or at F7 - That Autumn/Owen and Lily/Emily are gonna be close So with that said, I am gonna try and add that information, to the assumptions I've made: - It looks like Lily didn't vote last time and here is why I think it must be her. Six people voted in the revote, which means Lily and JD didn't originally vote for one another. Additionally, the Kevin voting confessional of: "I feel like I do this everytime we are in a game together. Sorry babes" and the JD voting confessional of "I mean, you voted for me." seems like its JD voting for Kevin and then vice versa. THUS, Lily must not have voted, but whomst knows why is the real question.... That leads onto the next question, if JD voted Kevin and Lily didnt vote, who did the other three vote for? Well, I assume Autumn/Owen voted together and Emily voted for JD (especially since she threw her name out during the One World vote). From there, I'm trying to analyse the voting confessionals.... "‘I AM SORRY I’M SO CRACKEDT I CHANGED MY VOTE LAST MINUTE BECAUSE I HEARD TEA, I’M SORRY IF THE TEA WAS INCORRECT TEA!!" is I think Kevin Owen or Autumn? "You seem like a great person and all but this game we haven’t really connected and that’s why my vote is going towards you. I’m sorry!!" feels like Emily, Ruthie or Zach "Sorry, love ya." feels very Emily "Kim Kardashian it’s what she deserves gif" this one is tough because its quite shady? Like quoting gifs is a Duncan thing but he obviously wasn't at that tribal, so I'm gonna give up on voting confessional analysis because I'll learn what happened tonight anywho. But with that said, the revote confessionals are much clearer the one about rocked out is of course ruthie, the one about you voted for me is kevin, the one about the alternative not happening is emily(?) which leaves 3. The petty one directly addressing amanda makes me think its autumn since amanda helped host himalayas, orange juice is probably Zach, which leaves the last one as being Owen. WHEW

I really hope we merge tonight because I'm ready to start playing this game even harder, I'm ready to take out the big threats and the fan favorites and make it to FTC again - and win this time. I'm making sure my emotions are in check, which isn't something I can say about a lot of the other players. Playing with your emotions is always dangerous, especially on an All Stars season when we all know each other to a degree. You let someone like Lily or Emily make it too far into the merge (even just one or two rounds) and don't take them out when you have the chance, all because you like them too much? Looks like you won't be winning this game. All I know is that my ride or dies are Dana, Cameron, Ali, Owen, and Autumn and everyone else is expendable, I'm ready to cut them as soon as I get the chance. And anyone in that five immediately becomes expendable when it isn't good for my game anymore. Owen and Ali... I love them dearly but their love for Emily better not be blinding. I would love to sit with Dana and Cameron at the end, I just need to make sure I can actually get there first. If it isn't Lily or Emily tonight, it'll be interesting moving forward because that means someone's made a couple promises here and there to Lily... Hmm...

Alright I tried to break the silence by suggesting Autumn's name to Emily and Owen. Let's hope this doesn't backfire. Owen seemed chill with it, Emily hasn't responded yet. We could probably get Lily on board with t easily. I chose Autumn because she's shown her true colors last tribal: from what she told me her motivation to vote Lily was that she has voted against her, which was a bit individualistic of a motivation. We're all playing for ourselves, but compromise is a necessity. She's also shown she's not afraid to make big moves even when there's like 15 people in the game. So...I hope this works, or if it fails, I hope I'm not the one hurt by it.

sooooooooooo I feel like they're gonna vote me still bc some sketch stuff is happening. Kevin suggested Autumn, Autumn suggested Kevin, ruthie I have no clue, and then Emily added us to an alliance with Lily (and Zach) so that's cool and Lily sfsdkahfj rolld a D20 and settled on Autumn. Voting one of my close friends off bc the dice that be told me to? inch resting. I do feel a little bit guilty voting her....because I love her and I want to get to know her better and she was part of my original group. I think she's someone who will tell me things. And also she's going to be more of a threat than Kevin is for sure. But....she really blew my shit up last round and I don't like that. At all. And she's always gonna wanna do her own plan... And honestly cutting her makes the group of five seem a little less scary and hopefully it proves to Zach/Emily that I'm with them over Dana/Cameron/Will. Am I? :~) prob not ! So I just have to get over my guilt and do the wrong thing I guess. I just have to be the person I have always been I guess fakdsj since Emathia. Before? Vote out my friends and show no mercy. Now? Still vote out my friends and show no mercy. The closer we get to tribal though the more I get worried. Although I did message Lily earlier and tell her how I've always wanted to work with her and apologized for being shady before and was like...i hope i proved I'm not ever gonna write ur name down fskhfdkdshfkjshfjkdsjkf oop!

I would like to thank not only but also Jesus for allowing me to make top 13 and what I expect to be the Merge. Ali and I know the whereabouts of 3 of the where (I presume to be) 4 idols are. With merge coming a fifth will be put into play and I’ll do anything to get it. I’m really glad that I’ve been having fun since the game has started. Like I’ve been having a blast! I came here to have fun and to win the game. I’ve had my fun and games already but when Merge hits? It’ll be another story. It’s the calm before the storm. Merge is going to be a blood bath and I’m ready to dive in face first. I’m kind of shook at myself because I haven’t promised anyone final 2 which may come back to bite me in the ass or it may free me. I wouldn’t mind sending home one of the great values home at the first vote but we’ll have to wait and see how everyone else feels I guess. As long as I come out on top I don’t really care how it happens. Now the odds of me succeeding are slim to none but hey! A bitch can dream right?

CROSSROADS IS UGLY SORRY I'M LATE!!! I fought to keep both Ryan and Haley and it didn't work so yet another person I like/ trust is going home. You know it's bad when I join the majority out of safety. And that little group of Founding Fathers who think they run shit ever since they got rid of Chris? Yeah they can choke and I'm getting really tired of their mess ________________________________________________________________ Hi don't send that last one to the VL because it's meant for Crossroads lmao sorry I'm old and don't know how to read

please let the third time be the charm, let autumn go tonight khgkjshgjksd

Always out with a 5-2 blindside, Athena is so poetic. Know that I'm rooting for everyone on Lorohna plus Ruthie. Honestly this game has been very high school and varsity cheerleading-esque so I'm disappointed but not surprised. Lowkey this particular game was really bad for my mental health, constantly feeling targeted and marginalized so.... here I am feeling somewhat relieved and at peace

Highkey they're just bitter about the tie vote but seeing how Lily took three fucking shots at me in the course of the game, I was 1000% justified in that move. Also Owen and Zach are catering to the wrong HBIC and made 7 enemies on the other tribe by being ugly like this. Between that and being up Emily's ass/ worrying about her feelings, they've already lost know that. Kevin is really on thin ice as it is. Karma has all sorts of stuff for Emily and Lily- kisses, hugs, blowjobs, you name it. Also I'm living for how offended the 5 of them were by me saying I liked Lorohna better hahahahaha. Ummm y'all just murdered me remember? For not being your puppet?? And you still expected me of all people to kiss your asses and go gracefully???

Athena fun fact! The 5 people who voted Autumn out in Himalayas lost and the 1 person who didn’t vote Autumn went on to win the season! So congrats to the All Stars winner sitting among Lorohna and Ruthie; the admins and I look forward to seeing the rest of you in Season 14!!

Autumn becomes the 7th person voted out of Athena All Stars in a 5-2 vote. You can see Autumn’s preseason interview here.

#NotAllFunAndGames

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lerin1024-blog · 7 years

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Top 20 Movies (in my opinion) from Jan-June 2017, first half of the year!

1. GOLD - (Stephen Gaghan) Starring Matthew McConaughey. The release date of this was December 30, 2016. But, I couldn’t help but put this on my list. A true story of the biggest gold mining scam in history, with the mystery surrounding who was involved and who is actually still alive today. Very intriguing all the way through. Such a touchy subject to touch base on! The way McConaughey warps into each and every one of his characters is something so incredible and memorable. This is a must see.

2. MEAN DREAMS - (Nathan Morlando) Starring Bill Paxton, Sophie Nelisse, & Josh Wiggins

Bill Paxton’s last movie released after his unfortunate passing earlier this year. Mean Dreams was an adventure. Sophie & Josh worked so well together in this film, which is why it really worked so well for me. On a mission to run away from her father who is a dirty cop, this combination of young actors really ran away with the show! I hope to see them work together in a future film.

3. THE DISCOVERY - (Charlie McDowell) Starring Robert Redford, Jason Segel, & Rooney Mara

We all have questions of what happens when we die. Is there an afterlife, and if so...what is it like? The Discovery attempts to explain a scientific finding and I think it’s findings were pleasant enough to make me enjoy this movie, as well as shed a few tears. It’s moving and incapsulating...even sentimental to say the least. It never bored nor confused, as many movies will when this is the topic. Easily memorable with no frustrated questioning afterwards. Charlie McDowell also co-wrote this with Justin Lader. Two thumbs up guys.

4. GIFTED - (Marc Webb) Starring Chris Evans, Mckenna Grace, & Jenny Slate

Raising a child prodigy isn’t easy. Especially when you are the uncle and your niece is so intellegent you would move the earth to help her, protect her, and keep her challened and safe. But what IS best for little Mary? I absolutley adored this movie and I know you will too. An emotional and heartfelt drama.

5. KING ARTHUR LEGEND OF THE SWORD (Guy Richie) Starring Charlie Hunnam, Jude Law, Astrid Berges-Frisbey & Eric Bana

Growing up in a sweltering city and brothels unknowing his own birthright brought this movie to life, as so many Arthurian movies have been made, this is my first look at one, and I was impressed. Very impressed with the way that Guy Richie made this action packed film. The sound effects and music were outstanding and really got it moving. Saw it twice, back to back. The sword coming out of the stone and wall like butter and Hunnam’s extrordinary acting abilities really made this truly the “one and only” Arthur movie, I believe. It opened my eyes to a whole other genre of films I’ve probably been missing!

6. THE SHACK - (Stuart Hazeldine) Starring Sam Worthington & Octavia Spencer

A story about a family tradgey, which leads a father to question his faith. This sends him on a mission to find answers. And answers he gets, and maybe even more than that. A kind of myseterious movie that surprises you mid-way through with picturesque beauty and underlying emotion. Tip: Grab a box of tissue and stay with it. You’ll be glad you did,

7. GET OUT - (Jordan Peele Writer & Director) Starring Daniel Kaluuya & Allison Williams

I have never seen a movie quite like this before! Peele deserves much acknowledgement from this. During a trip to visit the parents of his girlfriend Rose, Chris is in for the shock and awe of his life. I don’t want to spoil anything here, but this is a must see and I wouldn’t necessarily consider this a “horror” film as it suggests, but certainly a strong thriller. Parts played by all were spot on and flowed well throughout this nail biter. OR should I say nightmare? (But in an entertaining way...)

8. A DOGS PURPOSE - (Lasse Hallstrom) Starring Josh Gad & Dennis Quaid

A dog who is looking for his real purpose in life. He experiences his life and death reincarnated five times. A movie with so much soul, it is not easily forgotten. A nice one for the family to see together. It’s a tear-jerker for sure, but during the happy times as well as the sad. Josh Gad does a great voice for the dog in all the phases of his lives. A wonderful book to movie adaptation.

9. BLACK BUTTERFLY - (Brian Goodman) Starring Antonio Banderas & Jonathan Rhys Meyers

“A Killer Story with a Twist”....Now who doesn’t love that type of movie! I know I do! This was a thrill to watch, more so because I didn’t read about it first, not even the cover. So, I was really happy with the storyline. I will admit, Meyers performance didn’t match up equally to Banderas, but that comes with eons of experience! Or, perhaps I just wasn’t use to the way he talks. Don’t get me wrong, this story was GREAT. Make sure you stay with it though. It also had the potential to be so many other things as well, but for what it was, I think it was a great watch and would recommend this to anyone!

BEAUTIFUL 10 - (Mark Pellington) Starring Shirley Maclaine & Amanda Seyfried

Shirley does it again, and this should be in my number one spot, but this isn’t in any specific order. Harriet’s character was wonderful and powerful as Shirley’s characters always are...Strong, Independent, Wise, and Indifferent. This incredible movie teaches you to treat each day as a challenge to yourself. “Have an honest day”, Harriet will say. The risks she would take in her life would define her and she deeply wanted to be remembered, not forgotten. “Make mistakes because that’s living...” This was an honest movie, with a grest cast, storyline, music was SUPURB! And the vocabulary of basically every sentence written was perfect. Thank you Stuart Ross Fink! Many life learning messages throughout this movie, which I loved. It will not EVER be forgotten as one of the best movies I have ever seen.

11. EXTORTION - (Phil Volken) Starring Eion Bailey, Barkhad Abdi, & Danny Glover

A man in a desperate situation, without the time or the resources he needs to save his family while on vacation in another country. These things really happen, and in a world that can be uncertain at times, this movie really tuggs at the heartstrings for this man...and for the viewers! Brilliantly played by who I thought was Michael Fassbender...So sorry to Eion Bailey, who did a remarable job! I am one of your newest fans! Thriller for sure, so if you settle in with popcorn...get ready for one fast paced movie that will make time pass so fast, you won’t know it until it happens! I dare you to fall asleep during this! I’m so glad this is a nominee. Much respect.

12. THE SPACE BETWEEN US - (Peter Chelsom) Starring Asa Butterfield, Britt Robertson, Gary Oldman, & Carla Gugino

Men are from Mars & Women are from EARTH. That’s the story. But don’t be fooled by the online reviews by others. Yes, it’s a “coming-of-age” movie, but it certainly has a big spark inside of it’s whole. Born on the planet Mars, “Gardener” wants nothing but to go down to earth and live a normal life. This has consequences to his health, obviously. Undetermined, yet, even by the astronauts and medical staff astronauts, and life itself on earth...things seem pretty clear...until they aren’t. Upon finding out and missing out...the end of this movie was great...it didn’t leave me hanging (I hate that!). So, take a chance on this one and see it for yourself.

13. BRAIN ON FIRE - (Gerard Barrett) Starring Chloe Grace Moretz

She was a professional reporter, living her dream in the big city, when something goes unexplainably wrong within her. This a true story, so it stood out to me in a huge way. No spolier’s here. Although, it’s an amazing movie! So many people with this same undiagnosed conditioned have been saved because of this woman’s parents never giving up to find answers. Enough said.

14. THE LOST CITY OF Z - (James Gray) Starring Charlie Hunnam & Robert Pattinson

Based on a true “legend” of a story.... A persumed lost city in the Amazonian rain forest. British research and map explorer Persy Fawsett travels into the deep debths of the rainforest to find the truth. Is there another civilization? And if so, can he proove it? Can he even get back home alive, or at all? What is the sacrifice worth? Watch this stellar movie, which is at it’s best, although it may leave you to find the true meaning of it all for yourself.

15. I DONT FEEL AT HOME IN THIS WORLD ANYMORE - (Macon Blair) Starring Melanie Lynskey & Elijah Wood

After a home invasion, Ruth shows the normalcy of how sometimes theres just nothing the police can do. Irritated with rude people, its clever that she enlists the help of her abnoxious neighbor, Tony to help her find her computer through her GPS laptop finder on her phone. This is a dark comedy, to me...I loved every part of it. But it also moves into the suspense catagory as well, making it even better. This is Sundance! Nice to see it got the Jury award this year. Much deserved.

16. HIDDEN FIGURES - (Theodore Melfi) Starring Taraji P. Henson, Octavia Spencer & Janelle Monae...and Kevin Costner.

An untold true story of the launch of astronaut John Glenn into space. Back when African American women weren’t treated equally, these three brilliant woman’s minds go to work everyday at NASA and are the real (competent and confident) brains behind the whole operation. This story was powerful, and got much appreciation and respect from me and many others who have seen it.

17. BEFORE I FALL - (Ry Russo-Young) Starring Zoey Deutch & Kian Lawley

How can the power of one single day have an impact on your whole life? Based on this best selling novel by Maria Maggenti. Sam seems to have the perfect life, but she wakes up living the same exact day over and over again, tring to change things and figure out what it all means. It’s a fun watch and the book is amazing! So, give this one a shot if you want to see something teenager-ish with big twists. I have a girl teen myself, and we enjoyed watching this together! It just had to make my “Top 20″.

18. COLOSSAL - (Nacho Vigalondo) Starring Anne Hathaway & Jason Sudeikis

Now this was just FUN. Not usually my style (Monster’s)... but this was the exception because of the story and the amazing cast. A Rivalry, between two friends happens to be a very dangerous one! I enjoyed not just the cast, but how grounded it was. An easy watch, and like I said...pretty fun, and quite original in itself.

19. SPLIT - (M. Night Shyamalan Writer & Director) Starring James McAvoy

Split personalities come out to play around in a kidnapping of 3 teenage girls in this deep seated thriller. One they leave a surprise, although each and every one is played brilliantly by McAvoy and told in a clever way by Shyamalan. All of his movies are great, in my opinion with this one taking a top spot in my mind. I loved how darkly insanely crazy this was, watching each character emerge on screen. And just knowing that the final personality took over 15 years to create. Wow!

20. LIFE - (Daniel Espinosa) Starring Jake Gyllenhaal, Ryan Reynolds, Rebecca Ferguson

On board the International Space Station, astronauts go on a mission to brig back proof if there is life on Mars. Extraterrestrial Life. And their findings proove to be very dangerous and life threating to everyone on board. Clever, and suspenseful, I would watch this one again. It’s interesting and the cast is great. There may or may not be a few twists!

Honorable Mention: THE BELKO EXPERIMENT, where “Office Space” meets “Battle Royale”. A disturbing game insues inside of a huge titanium or crazy metal impenetrable building full of office workers. Very blood thirsty & a thriller that does have its twist, which of course, I’m all into. Not for everyone, thats for certain, but if you like “games” like these on the screen, this is a great new one to see!

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jess-oh · 5 years

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reflection

hey journal, rachel has been living with me for the past couple days now and she's good company! im really looking forward to spending the rest of this week with her. i think im going to be pretty sad when she leaves but God, I trust you. Thank you for allowing us to have this time together and grow together on a deeper level. of all the people in new MAST, im glad i get to work with Rachel. I probably trust her the most rn. i feel pretty bad bc i tried to stay up last night in case Rachel woke up so we could start venting to each other but I ended up falling asleep around 8 or 9pm and didn't wake up again til 3:30am. I flaked on our session T 0 T but hopefully we can do it tonight! i think we both just feel physically and mentally exhausted yesterday so maybe unpacking everything tonight will lead to better, clearer results. im also realizing that i hate giving all the time without ever feeling like im receiving. even when i do receive, i dont really believe it's happening and don't understand the effort being made on other people's parts when they do give to me and it just feels off. maybe it's bc it isnt how i envision them giving to me is. i do want to be more appreciative of every moment when people do genuinely want to give to me but it is currently hard for me to understand. like it felt fine when rachel was cooking and cleaning my dishes for me and bc i saw it as not a big thing to clean my dishes, it wasnt that alarming to see her doing it for me. it just made life easier not having to do it myself but there was no real sacrifice being made i guess. i dont want to go home and just be listening to my sister and my parents' complaints all the time. i really feel like nothing will have changed. it was nice not speaking to them for a year and time i needed away from them to learn to be more self reliant and making a community and a life for myself here and away from them. i dont want to live the same life and be stuck in the same cycle over and over and over again. i keep ending up feeling miserable and burnt out in the end. i need to change something to make it different this time. i dont want to be defined by the ways that i felt hurt in the past. i dont want to be defined by how much i feel like i need to work in order to prove myself. i want to learn and understand how to rest and just be present and be with God. I keep feeling so alone and I don't want to be anymore. I want to learn and know and be willing to move forward and make something different so that I can serve better and be used by God better. I want to be able to stand up and defend and challenge the community to be more like Christ. I want to stand firm in my faith at church, at school, in public. I want to be able to rest in my identity in Christ, knowing that He is always on my side and I don't have to worry so much about everything else in the world. I do genuinely want to be able to fall down but not feel like I have to get back up for the sake of helping others. I want to be able to fall down and stay down and take my time getting back up instead of just forcing myself to be okay. I hate that I experienced a drive by shooting and being basically abused by my roommate this past year. They were both absolutely horrible, awful experiences that I really do not wish on anyone else. And I am so upset that I had to go through those things this past. Honestly, even recently, I have been bitter again towards God's for continuing to bring so much pain and hardship. I resent Jason because I feel like I can't get along or try to be friends with anyone he's had a falling out with in the past without feeling like I'm not being loyal to him. I know he feels alone and I want to stand firm and strong by his side so that he knows he isnt alone and that I will at least always be there for him. But that has kept me from feeling totally present and open with Angela, Chelsea, Yaeji, Cecilia, Joyce, Jiham, Songbee, Anna, Jiwoon, sometimes P. Josh, and I'm sure even more. It sucks. I feel like I'm being kept from making deeper relationships with people that I could potentially get along really well with because I'm trying so hard to stay loyal to Jason. And plus, I feel like whenever I have expressed concern or given him an issue that I need help dealing with or just someone to listen to, he is always quick to answer in an incredibly blunt manner. And sometimes, the challenge is a good wake up call for me to get up and keep going and do something about it instead of just wallowing in my pain and guilt. But other times, I just end up hurt. And again, he almost never apologizes! Even if I tell him he hurt me, he doesn't apologize! He just takes it as something to be assessed and logically figure out where to go from here. How did I not notice these things before? Was I just afraid to lose the few people that I did trust that I was afraid of ever seeing their true colors? Of actually seeing them for who they are instead of this perfect mirage I wanted them to be? And I always feel like I'm doing to my best to defend other people but because he's already so hell-bent on being cynical and pessimistic, he doesn't listen or even try to understand my point or that I may be right and he just isn't giving them the benefit of the doubt. I keep trying to do better in my relationship with him but in the end, I feel like I keep getting knocked down anyway and it leaves me to believe that I'm doing something wrong and need to learn to do better but maybe it's been his fault a lot of the times too. I was just too blind to notice or see. I don't want to be on bad terms with him. I don't want to hate him. I do really value him so highly as a friend and we've fought enough times whilst still maintaining our friendship together. But this is so frustrating and I can't move on from her at this pace. I need to break this cycle and change something. Anything. It was so hard for us to have a serious, normal conversation at all but then we talked it through, toned down the joking, and have started to move forward from there. I think also just because I've probably shared the most of my insecurities and inner most thoughts with him, I trust his opinion because he has all the facts laid out. And, he gets along with so many people that he's reached out to bc of his genuine character and pure intentions. Many people that I tried to reach out to but failed at. If he can do that and they see him as so great, he must be a great person, right? Are we just too close? Are we too comfortable with each other and I'm just left seeing all the excess ugly stuff that he doesn't show the rest of the world? He seems genuinely unhappy and bitter but I also don't know how to help him anymore without it taking a cost at myself. Or even if I'm willing to pay that cost, I don't even know what to do anymore. Sigh. I'm glad I have the opportunity to think more about this and process and reflect everything now that it's the summer. I want to keep this up and continue to document and flesh out all the thoughts and things running around in my mind. Johnathan messaged me earlier today to ask if I was able to rest well. I was surprised he decided to reach out and check up to see how I was doing. I didn't talk to Amanda at all yesterday. I saw her but I didn't even say hi.I texted her on the train this morning though and asked if she'd be down to get some coffee together today after her class. I want to be friends with her again. But not like this. I need her to know how I feel. Even if there's not much she can do about it to help the situation, I at least want to hear her side of the story. Or at least just let her know. If I don't tell her, I think my resentment towards her will always be in the back of my mind, silently lingering, slowly growing. I need to fix this now before it's too late. So, again. I'm upset with Amanda because I feel like I tried so hard to invite her to becoming more involved with Movement in order to be a part of the community. I was just a member my sophomore year and didn't ever make that much of an effort to get involved and as a result, I was definitely not a part of the community. I felt like I needed to get involved in order to be a part of it. And I didn't want Amanda to suffer the same fate I did as a sophomore and feel like she wasn't a part of Movement—especially as someone that was here before and is now in a ministry filled with a bunch of people she's never met before. I tried so hard to invite her so she wouldn't feel like such an outsider. But she almost never came. And, it really broke my heart when we were trying to plan for senior banquet and realizing that no one really knows Amanda that well. And I am really happy people have gotten to know her better recently. But when I found out no one knew her, I really felt like I needed to make sure people did and present the necessary opportunities for that to occur. Whether that was pushing her to do certain things or have to interact with people or whatever else. But then, the few times Johnathan asked her to come, she came. Why was me asking never enough but for him, it was so easy for her to be convinced to come? Is it just because we're on summer break and she doesn't have to worry about so many classes and the workload that comes with it? Does it even have anything to do with Johnathan at all?And, she is so incredibly loved and adored by the NU collective and has had such an easy time getting along with them and being accepted into the community. She never even came. I tried to come so much more often than she ever did and I never felt like I was at that level of acceptance. I still feel excluded and left out from the ministry a lot. What was so different about her that I didn't have? And finally, I'm upset she's dating Johnathan now. Not because that itself is inherently wrong or that there's anything wrong with him. I'm just upset because it shows me that they're moving on. And because I'm still in Movement, I feel like I'm still stuck in the past. And I know that that isn't true. It's in my hands now to take the baton that they've passed onto me and run at full speed ahead forward, bringing Movement to a brighter future. I do, genuinely, want to leave it knowing that it will continue to grow in the right direction. And I know that it'll take a lot of effort and sacrifice on my part. And I do genuinely want this. I just don't want to feel like I'm alone in trying to fight for this better future. I want to know that other people are serving with the same goal as me. That we are all trying to make Movement a better place and are willing to take the time and energy and make the necessary sacrifices to make that a reality. It's a lot and it's asking for a lot but if we're serious about making Movement a more God-centered ministry that is actively trying to raise each other up and keep each other accountable in becoming more Christlike, then it's something we need to do. I just don't even want to care anymore. No wonder Jason's more burnt out than I am. He's been doing this for a year longer than me and somehow found the strength to keep going and serving. And still, no one bothered reaching out to him or getting to know him. I think Movement as a community never felt the need to make the effort in reaching out to us as MAST because we explicitly signed up to voluntarily serve the community and learn to be disciples so that we could make disciples. But at the end of the day, we're only human too. We want to know we're not just people you see as someone whose responsibility it is to serve you. We want to know that we are someone you see as a friend. As a brother or a sister in Christ. Not just someone whose sole responsibility is to take care of you. Maybe that's why I'm so upset now. Because I'm caught in this weird in between area where I did have community with old MAST but now they're leaving and moving on with their lives. I need to learn to let go of them and find community in new MAST now. But because none of them were on old MAST, I don't feel like I have community with any of them. Especially with Joyce, Sean, and David, I still feel like they're people I need to serve. That I can't show my true colors to because I'm just expected to serve them. And I do, genuinely, want to trust them and be able to serve alongside them. And know that I can find community with them. But as of right now, I can't. I feel like I need to serve them and lead them in the right direction as the only continuing MAST member. Give them tips and advice on small group leading and how to hold themselves and everything else. Reasons to keep going when it seems hard. Ways to challenge them and and to do better. But I don't want to be alone. I don't want to feel like I'm fighting this fight by myself. Like the only person I can rely on is me. Even with P. Josh, I do genuinely love and trust and respect him so much. But, it really breaks my heart whenever I see him so discouraged and I want to do my best to change the culture in Movement so that he doesn't have to feel that way again. Or at least just not as often. I started going to bible studies and prayer meetings just to make sure at least one person showed up. Because if he was already discouraged to only see me come, how awful would he feel if no one decided to come. And I really don't want him to feel that way. He doesn't believe Movement has actually grown all that much. At least not spiritually. I believe we have grown a lot. Maybe not spiritually but at least that community aspect is starting to get there. It's better than nothing. And the 5 of us in MAST this past year did definitely grow maturity wise, mentally, and spiritually. We have grown in our faiths and matured and that's a result of him. We were able to live out these characteristics and newfound values because of the ways he led and taught and discipled us to be. We have grown. Maybe not as much as he might've wanted but we did grow. And even if people suddenly came out the last couple meetings just because it was the last one, at least people came and could hear and learn about the Bible and pray for the nations. Better they came, even if it was for the wrong reasons, than not at all. I am the happiest when I don't care. When I interact with people without worrying about how it might be affecting them. When I just act as unapologetically me as I can. And I usually get along much better with people when I do present myself like that. maybe things wouldnt have been so bad if the whole Eunice thing didn't happen. Everyone was quick to turn on her but I wanted to really try and hear her side of the story. I saw her as the victim that I needed to reach out to. But she hurt a lot of people and I don't think I ever took the time to really try and understand everyone else's perspective and their side of the story. At the end of the day, whatever her reasons were for pretending to be a student at NU, she betrayed and hurt a lot of people. That was the bottom line. And she needs to own up to her actions and acknowledge that would she did was wrong and apologize for it. No one will ever be able to move on if she doesn't. What happened with her is something we choose not to address and just ignore that it happened. I can't even imagine how stressed P. Josh must've been trying to navigate that whole situation and especially for something that drastic to happen during his first year. He had a rough first year and still decided to stay and try and salvage Movement. And look at where we are now as a result. Thank you, P. Josh. Truly. I'm surprised Jason said that Movement was so great for him his first year of serving with Angela. It was his everything and he loved it. I just assumed he also had an equally bad time as me but maybe because of the Northwestern life group, he felt differently. He's been so bitter towards everyone recently so I just assumed it had always been bad from the start. I guess I was wrong. We're not the same person at all. And we had very different experiences. And now we're both here now. And it's time to let go and move on. God, please give me the strength and the courage to confront Amanda today and express all these feelings that I have towards her. Please let us just get and have everything out in the open and leave no words left unsaid. Thank you. I pray this all in your name,Amen.

#reflection

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