#(also I tried doing 10 but I got tired of going back and forth-)

[trickstersshadow]

( Generate 10 6 headcanons )

1. Meta has an incredible long-term memory but an awful short-term memory.

Don't call him out like this- And it depends on the day-

2. Meta have a grandfather who is in prison.

They will neither confirm nor deny.

3. Meta has too many squirrels.

"Heh-?" That's a 'no', chief.

4. Meta is a sleepwalker.

No comment, none, next-

5. Meta only drinks sparkling water

"More or less. If you don't want to include coffee, or whenever I drink something else." ...So, wouldn't that be a 'no'-

6. Meta is extremely competitive.

"Isn't that just a "depends" category for everyone-?"

[no-144444]

dangerous media- o.piastri

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pairing: oscar piastri x fem! Skyf1interviewer! reader

summary: things go downhill fast as you fall, and he has to catch you. what makes it worse is what he says after…

part one | part two

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You sat in the media pen, an exhausted look on your face. It had been an awful 36 hour day, you were tired, sick, and you just wanted to crash in your hotel room. But, you couldn’t do that, because you still had interviews left.

Jenson stood beside you, already practically asleep. You’d had 4 flights cancel, and then the next flight got delayed, and so on and so forth. You two were not in the mood for a self-deprecating Lando Norris, nor an arrogant Lance Stroll, or god forbid, an angry Kevin Magnussen.

“Can I take Oscar?” you asked, just wanting a calm and collected person to deal with.

Jenson sighed but nodded. “Then I get first dibs at quali,” he bargained. You agreed.

Oscar came walking out, calm as ever. He was P2 in FP2, not bad considering last year, finishing in 8th. You stood up, but too quickly. Immediately, you knew you’d made a grave mistake, Jenson tried to grab you,but it was much too late, and it all went black.

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You woke up in the med tent with a pounding headache and someone’s hand in yours. “Jen, I’m fine-” you started sitting up, but it was Oscar who pushed you back down, he was holding your hand.

“Don’t get up too fast,” he instructed, making you lie back down. “We don’t want you fainting again.”

“Oscar?” You questioned.

“Hey,” he smiled, happy that you were awake.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

“You fainted in the media pen, I brought you here about 30 minutes ago,” he explained. “You’re dehydrated.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m fine,” you scoffed, trying to get up again. Again, he pushed you back down.

“You’re not. You’ll stay here until you have a clean bill of health,” he said, stricter and more serious than you’d ever seen him. “I have to go do some media, but I’ll be back in a half an hour, and I’ll bring you back to your hotel, yeah?”

You nodded, accepting your fate. “Whatever you say, doc.”

He smiled. “Good. See you then.”

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Usually, you would’ve told him to go fuck himself (you weren’t one to be told what to do), but considering how weak you felt and how little you wanted to go out there and ask more questions, you stayed put.

You thought about him, though. Oscar. After looking it up online, you did find out that your fainting was filmed. You watched in embarrassment as you went to the ground, Jenson yelping. What came next shocked you. Oscar quite literally jumped over the barrier, almost knocking over an entire camera, and ran over to you, cradling your head as he got others to step back and instructed Jenson to go get a medic. Then he turned to the cameras, and actually shouted at them to ‘fuck off’. Oscar Piastri showing emotion in 4K.

What was he, superman? Was he trying to make the dating rumours worse?

Either way, you appreciated the fact that he saved you, and the fact that he turned the cameras away from you too. You were also subject to the online conversations surrounding you and Oscar’s relationship. You rolled your eyes as every second comment was some variation on “oh my god the way he looks at her!!!”

Couldn’t people be friends anymore? Couldn’t people be nice anymore?

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You watched Oscar’s interviews from your laptop, then after 10 minutes from when his interviews ended, he appeared in front of you.

“My knight in shining armour,” you teased.

“You watched the interviews?” He sighed.

“Oh yeah,” you chuckled. Half of the interviews were about what had happened earlier and how Oscar had reacted. Jenson had called him your ‘knight in shining armour’ and now it would be his new nickname. “But seriously, thank you for everything, I’m feeling much better now.”

He nodded. “Anyone would do it.”

You shook your head. “You jumped over a barrier, almost knocked over a camera, made Jenson run, and told about 60 people to fuck off and stop filming me. That’s no small feat. Thank you Oscar.”

He blushed slightly. “You’re welcome.”

“I’d better head to my hotel, thank you again Oscar-”

“Let me drive you,” he offered.

“Oscar, you’ve done enough for me today-” “Please let me-”

“I don’t think it comes into the job of being a knight in shining armour-” “Please let me-” “Oscar seriously, I’m alright-”

“Let me drive you!” He finally raised his voice, speaking over you. “It’s ok to rely on people! You don’t need to be so stubborn!”

You silenced, your ego slightly bruised. “Fine,” you murmured, grabbing your things and getting up.

“Y/n, I didn’t mean it like-”

“I know what you meant,” you gritted out. “I’m letting you drive me, come on.”

He followed behind you, upset about how he’d handled the situation. He just wanted to take care of you. He wanted you to notice how much he cared.

He sat in the driver's seat and looked over at you. You stared straight ahead. “I’m sorry,” he said.

“You don’t need to be sorry Oscar,” you sighed, hiding your face in your hands.

“I do,” he shook his head. “I should be, I’m sorry. I love that you’re stubborn. You’re so smart, and independant and I understand that. I know you can take care of yourself, I just wanted to remind you that you don’t always have to.”

You sighed and took his hand, looking at him. “Thank you for today Oscar, but please just drive me to my hotel.”

He nodded, knowing he wasn’t going to get anything else out of you, and off he went. He walked you up to your hotel room, helped you into bed and promised to pick you up in the morning, and you were much too pissed off and tired to disagree.

He had a lot more than just qualifying on his mind went he went to bed.

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navigation for my blog :) (masterlist)

part one | part two

[pumpkinsy0]

can you pls write some hcs about curly and johnny fighting over pony’s attention and being jealous when pony favors one over the other

of course!!

•unlike the others when it comes to johnny hes more reserved on what he actually thinks about curly, if u asks johnny how he feels hes not rlly gonna say his actual feelings, if pony asks how he feels anout curly, he just goes “if he makes u happy thats fine w me” he’d say as hes NOT looking at pony

•but like hes ponys bff brah, if pony likes em, shit maybe theres something the gang aint seein that pony does, but hes not 100% on board w it

•maybe their beef started bc pony would hang out w one of em for a longish time, then drop them for a bit and hang out w the other, and it was a cycle and theyre SO tired and think its the others fault or somethin

•ANYWAYS I KNOWWWW they talk shit about each other in their different language, and pony always hears but they dont say wtf the said in english, for ponys peace of mind he assumes its something good

•when ponys going back to hang out w the other, ponys wearing or at least has SOMETHING from the other one, and they do this as a stupid tactic to get in the others head thats like “pony was hanging out w me, cry about it lol”

•ITS NOT EVEN THAT PONY FAVORS ONE OVER ANOTHER, he just prefers the other over in certain situations bc he thinks theyre better at handling it

•like w socs, pony would rather curly, not that johnny cant fight, but bc curly has better fighting skills and can fight 2 ppl at one believe it or not and he just happens to b around curly when theres trouble around most of the time, then, would rather johnny when hes feeling emotional bc johnnys just better equipped at dealing w emotions and he also just so happens to get more into his emotions when johnnys around, so on and so forth

• the real problem is they just genuinely dont see that all so much and think theyre the problem, like theyre lacking in that department or somethin, but nah, rlly just a matter of circumstance

•when curlys over at a gang hang out, sometimes johnny catches him staring at pony and so he somehow gets pony to stick with him and they both go over to dallas, extra measure so curly thinks twice on heading over to em

•johnny absolutely felt a type of way when he found out pony and curly got matching scars from that fuck ass chicken game, bc not even HIM and pony have matching scars and they r basically inseparable, what kinda bc is that, he knows its stupid but still

• when johnny and pony go to the drive in, curly sometimes pops up, and johnny and curly arent even watching the movie, pony wants snacks and they both r like “I’LLL get it pony dw” and they both get pony snacks just shaking their head bc they think they have snacks pony would like more than the others choices

•curly put his arm around pony and johnny gave that lil side eye that dogs do

•this is like the only time ponys not stopping them, hes getting free snacks, ofc hes letting them continue

•i swear they NEVER actually talk to each other, like sat down and have a convo, they just have a petty competition, at best theyve said like 10 total words to each other at some point

•ponys actually not clueless when it comes to their beef w each other, he knows how awkward and tense it us when all 3 of em r in a room together, he doesnt exactly do much to stop it cause he doesnt get HOW whats going on between them is happening, but he tries not to let it escalate

[r1poutmygvtz]

longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon

also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason

(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)

my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed

it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything

anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)

i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now

also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account

anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything

tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again

it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day

i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff

[blu-oo]

(Angsty-ish) Cole headcanons cuz he’s my favorite

1. When he’s overwhelmed/freaking out to the point his hands shake, the ground around him starts to shake as well without him realizing. The fastest way to stop this is if he or someone else holds his hands still.

2. He’s been trained in several “official” forms of dance (contemporary, ballet, waltz, etc.)

3. He developed a general fear of heights after The Fall, and it’s impacted him enough that things he used to enjoy, such as rock climbing, are now anxiety inducing. Because of his job as a ninja, he had to essentially Suck It Up™️, but that didn’t stop it from hindering both himself and the others/mission.

4. ^ because of this, when his thoughts/troubles got to much for him, instead of climbing mountains, he turned to food as a form of comfort. His friends/Wu do eventually help him through his fear of heights so it doesn’t affect him as much, but the fear never truly 100% goes away.

5. Post ghost form he had a habit of walking face first into walls/people. Even now when he’s tired he’ll still sometimes do it.

6. I think it’s safe to assume Cole in canon has at least some self confidence issues at this point. When the self doubt gets really bad, his powers will reflect the worst case scenario he’s envisioned (ex: he assumes his power won’t be enough for something and when he goes in for the earth punch, its like getting hit w a pillow)

7. Will fight a child for the last slice of cake at a birthday party (the ninja were invited as a surprise for the birthday boy. The child cole fought was, in fact, said birthday boy)

8. Cole’s habit of talking to himself grows to the point that he essentially rubber duckies himself when problem solving anything. He will do this in front of the other ninja and will just straight up not hear them when they try to help him with the issue. But also they have watched this mam have a full on back and forth conversation about a show he didn’t like before.

9. While caring for baby Wu, he gained the habit of going to check on him when he had trouble sleeping at night, tucking him in and sitting with him for a bit. After Wu returns to his actual age the habit never really goes away, but Cole is embarrassed about it so he tries to be extra super ninja sneaky when he pulls the covers up over Wu’s shoulders after his blanket had fallen a bit. Wu knows he does this but pretends to be asleep, after all why stop a kind gesture if it brings comfort to both involved.

10. Because of his lava arms, Cole (and Lloyd) are the only ones that don’t get easily burned by Kai’s fire. They’re usually the ones in charge of holding him back/cooling him down if physical touch is needed.

Surprise Jay headcanon jumpscare:

Since there are toys of the ninja, Jay goes out of his way to purchase all the misprint/goofy looking dolls of them all and proudly displays his growing collection much to everyone’s annoyance (especially Kai. They NEVER get his face right)

[spidermanscientistsimp]

goodbye yellow brick road

the spot x musician! gn! reader

author’s note: this is the cheesiest thing i have ever written and i apologize for the tooth rotting sweetness in here… also! it’s important to know what this song sounds like, so here you go! when you see orange text, it’s song lyrics, so go listen!

be like me and listen on LOOP ANYWAYS. also, please let me know if y’all want more spot fanfic (i can tone down the cheese if y’all want) 🫡❤️

“A BAGEL, HONEY. THE CHILD HIT ME WITH A BAGEL.”

“i know i know john, i saw- you’re so brave for enduring that, i would have NEVER survived.”

“oh, shut up.”

“make me.”

you and john always loved your flirty bickering after a long day at alchemax. every day at exactly 6:30, you and your husband would walk hand in hand down the gum covered sidewalk, talking about your day, your hopes, your dreams, the usual. your boyfriend was a busy, busy man, but he always made time for you. even if he had to stay late at the office, he would INSIST on walking you home, and returning to work after dinner with you. to put it quite frankly: his world revolved around you. he thought you were the most attractive person to ever grace the earth, and was constantly asking himself how he could end up with someone so perfect… and hot. you didn’t understand why, as you saw yourself as nothing more than a lowly secretary, doomed to be rushing papers back and forth to men for the rest of your days. it wasn’t your job of choice, but it payed well, and seeing john absolutely flourish at work made it all worth it.

this specific night, you went about your usual weekday routine with your boyfriend: order some takeout, make out on the couch for a while, discuss mortality, and then fall asleep. but, something was off.

10:30pm

“y/n, stop rolling around, please”

“sorry.”

11pm

“john? you awake?”

and as the clocks struck midnight, you got out of bed, trying to find a way to occupy yourself, tire yourself out enough to shut your eyes and actually fall asleep. it was at this moment you turned your eyes away from the kitchen pantry, looking to grab a midnight snack, and instead looked towards the small, spinet piano on the back wall. you usually tried to avoid this sight, as it reminded you of a life you never achieved, a goal you never reached… but tonight? you needed it. you needed to play this piano more than anything else. you sat down at the instrument, silently cursing yourself for doing this. you wondered what song to play, flipping through decisions in your head- but, that was all futile, as your hands and heart had a different idea, and you began to slowly play the opening notes to elton john’s “goodbye yellow brick road”.

when are you gonna come down?

when are you going to land?

against your usual better judgement, you started softly singing after the first verse, careful not to wake johnathan.

i should’ve stayed on the farm

i should have listened to my old man

“y/n?” jonathan called as he stirred awake, unaware that his partner was already lost in their own world.

you know you can’t hold me forever

i didn’t sign up with you

i’m not a present for your friends to open

this boy’s too young to be singing the blues

johnathan couldn’t believe his eyes. there you were, his partner, playing the piano and singing your heart out like your life depended on it. he was truly awestruck. he didn’t want to interrupt your beautiful moment, but he had to say something…

“y/n”-

he couldn’t even get through your whole name before you turned around, quicker than lightning, with a terrified look on your face.

“oh my word jonathan i am so SO so sorry i probably woke you up with all my damn wailing, and i just don’t know what happened this isn’t-“

he shut you up with a kiss before you could say another word. the two of you stayed there, enjoying each other’s embrace in the dead of night, when your husband pulls away, asking, “why didn’t you tell me you could sing and play like THAT?”

it was a touchy subject for you. you always wanted to be a musician, and a great one at that, but it just wasn’t financially feasible for you. you had bills to take care of, bills that music just wouldn’t pay.

“i- i don’t really play much any more. or sing. i always dreamed of becoming as great as bach or mozart or someone- but, it was a stupid, stupid dream. i mean… i’m happy where i am now.”

“are you though?” he questioned.

you thought about this for a minute. were you REALLY happy? well, you had a loving husband and a good paying job- you should be happy. but you didn’t have one thing- music. money didn’t matter when music was what got you through so many rough patches in life. seeing your internal battle, johnathon grabbed your chin with his hand, and quietly spoke,

“y/n. i love you. and i want you to be happy. and if music makes you as happy as i’ve seen you tonight, you need to pursue it. we’ll find a way to make ends meet, i promise you. just, live your life- live your dream.”

and in that moment, you smiled to yourself and knew, this was the man you were going to marry.

•

the time was six thirty, the very next day, and you were waiting for your johnny outside the alchemex building.

you waited.

and waited.

and he never came.

a few hours later, not a word came from him.

you paced around your apartment, fearing that he found someone else, fearing that he thought you might be a financial burden with a career change… but all those ideas were put to bed when you saw the notification from your news app pop up on your cellphone.

alchemex.

collider.

explosion.

body not found.

your johnny, was dead.

•

johnny was dead- but “the spot”, the remains of his human form, a dalmatian like amalgamation of spots and the man he used to be. the spot had been wandering around brooklyn for what felt like an eternity, in search of a home, a friend, just- anything. and in the back of his mind, there was always, you. talented, amazing, you… who didn’t need to be seen with a monster like himself (at least in the spot’s mind). he was a ghost, a man forgotten by the world- or so he thought.

he was walking by Jenna’s, a local coffee shop him and y/n always loved to visit, when he heard a familiar voice, ringing out from the inside of the café

it was you.

you, up there onstage, playing to a full house, all eyes on you and all smiles upon every person’s face. you did it. you really did it. spot ducked his head as you looked out the window, towards the sky, and made an announcement,

“this next song is for someone who once told me to live my dream, no matter what… and because of him- i’m doing it. wherever you are, thank you-”

you played those starting notes he remembered hearing all those months ago.

so goodbye yellow brick road

where the dogs of society howl

you can't plant me in your penthouse

i’m going back to my plough

you threw your head back, becoming so damn passionate about this song that meant so damn much to you

back to the howling, old owl in the woods

hunting the horny-back toad

oh, i’ve finally decided my future lies

beyond the yellow brick road

the spot completely lost his breath as you held out the final note of the chorus. my word, you were amazing- the heart and soul you sang with was unparalleled, and he wanted to just run up to you, and hold you in his arms, kissing you until neither of you could breathe. but, he couldn’t. he wasn’t jonathan anymore. that man died. and he could see y/n was still not over that fact as he saw them hold back tears as they finished the song- it broke the spot. it broke jonathan. he had to do something, do anything.

•

you woke with a jolt as you heard a crash come through your window.

“hello??” you called, half jokingly, thinking this was simply a branch or a bird- you didn’t expect to hear footsteps right in your kitchen.

you were TERRIFIED. grabbing a broom, you made your way out to this… thing, preparing to fight it, to get it out of your home. imagine your surprise when you saw

a spotted man

who called YOUR NAME

“y/n, please-“

you were NOT HAVING THIS, you threw your broom at the THING, screaming and yelling a pattern of

“go away”s

“i’ll call the police, i- i’ll call spiderman”s

and a few

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU”s

the spotty thing pleaded with you, on its knees, begging you to listen to it

you obliged. it skittered over to your piano, and started playing notes that sounded like a child attempting to play…

goodbye yellow brick road

and now that you thought about it, this thing did sound a lot like your lost lover…

it was your song. it was him. you didn’t know how, but it was,

“jonathan”, you yelled, throwing yourself into his dotted arms. you didn’t know how, and you didn’t know why, but you knew that this, thing, was your johnny. and in that moment, nothing else mattered. life would go on, and things would work out.

and as he held your head with his hands, your boyfriend said, after what felt like an eternity,

“i love you.”

[f0point5]

Feel free to ignore this, but I was reading your older work of Max and Emillia (the few Jos Verstappen related chapter) and was stuck with some thoughts I needed to vomit out.

I have seen so many people hate on Jos Verstappen and say how Max should cut him off, and that Max would be better off without him, that he is nothing but a abusive narcissist and cannot help but think how simplistic that line of thought is. Don't get me wrong Jos is totally a horrible person and father, but that does not mean he is not one of the reasons that Max has achieved so much success and has the competitive mindset.

Now I am not in favour of abuse, in fact I relate to Max and Jos relationship alot as it is quite similar to the one I have with my parents. Asian Tiger parents (most of the stereotypes are true in my case) but they broke their backs providing for me. Any want or comfort of mine was above their need. They were hard on me, too hard alot of times but without it my siblings and I won't have achieved whatever we had.

I hate my parents for the number of time they made me stay awake till late at night, until I got a math concept down and then woke me up early to revise it but at the same time I remember that they too were awake with me, sitting beside my table (occasionally smacking the back of my head or making sharp comments), but they were awake despite having come from 10 hours of work and being dead tired. I also can't ignore that the fact such childhood was what made it possible to be able to give my last semester exams with 102 fever, in-between blood transfusions and constant saline drips and still score good.

So I understand how complicated relationship between Max and Jos could be and how you could be resentful but grateful at the same time. I would never be such a parents to

I truly believe people who take the line of “Jos should be burnt at the stake” were not in competitive environments as a child. Parents pour their hearts, souls, and money into their children’s passion, so yeah they get too involved and too personal and often too pushy. At a high level, more often than not they are too pushy. Because if your child comes to you and says they want something that only 0.00001% of people ever get (whether that’s an F1 seat, an Olympic medal, or a career in the arts) you are going to have to want it as much as they do in order for them to get there. Some days you will have to want it more than they do, because at 11 a kid isn’t going to want to be in a go kart every weekend. But at 20 they will be glad you made sure they were. So there’s that to start.

Similarly, like you said, for every moment you were up at 10pm wanting to sleep, so were they. For every time Max was driving a kart around in the rain, Jos was standing by the braking point coaching him. Jos drive back and forth from Italy in a van every weekend. Jos poured millions of his own money into his child. He gave up time with his daughter to be there for Max. He sacrificed his career for Max’s. Anyone can debate whether that was the right thing to do, but no one can argue that it is a small thing. And if Jos had done less than that, Max wouldn’t be where he is.

It’s a straight lie to say Max would be where he is without Jos, and people might feel better thinking it’s “in spite of him not because of him” because that’s easier to have the “moral high ground” if you look at it that way. People like a black and white story.

To me, it’s obvious that Jos absolutely adores Max and he tried to be the best father he could. Was he the perfect father? No. Was he even a good one? I guess that’s debatable. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his son. People like to think that loving someone means the rest of your relationship is going to be healthy, or hold up against the scrutiny of people who think they know better and that’s not the case. Love doesn’t fix anything. The same way being a parent doesn’t turn you into a person different than who you are.

Idk, as someone who had a dad who lived vicariously through me for a lot of his life, and wasn’t always kind, or even halfway decent, I can say that as an adult he is still the person I would trust most in the world in a crisis. He may not have gone about being a dad the right way because he didn’t have the emotional tools, there is no one in this earth who wants the best for me more than him. And as an adult, that’s actually the important part, because I’ve learnt to take on board what I need for him and leave the rest out. And I presume that’s at least partially where Max is with it. I do have a lot of resentment towards my dad, it’ll never feel good to look back and remember how much all those situations hurt as a child. But at the same time I’m happy with who I am, and I wouldn’t be the same person if my life had been different so…how much of that would I change? It’s not a straightforward answer.

At the end of the day, the only person Jos needs to square the past with is his kids, and he seems to have close relationships with them. His adult children seem to find value in having him in their lives and Max in particular feels he has a lot to thank his dad for, so idk why people think they know the situation better than the person who lived it. It’s wild to me how comfortable people are saying Max needs to cut off his dad when that’s so obviously not how he feels, as far as we know.

[helly-watermelonsmellinfellon]

Is this a safe space? I got some whining to do.

Not just about the landlady and about how we're gonna be homeless again in a month. No, I got a bone to pick with Dave and I need to vent.

So... how did he fuck up this time, many of you may wonder?

1.) Christmas.

Dave didn't want a turkey or any of the usual Christmas dinner stuff we have. It's literally only the 2nd day a year where we have any of that shit, but he whined about not wanting to do extra work like at Thanksgiving... where he did no work at all. I literally sat in the kitchen with mom for hours. It was hot af, and tiring. In the end, he had to wash a couple plates but that was it. I'm the one who had to go back and forth fetching things, washing and re-washing pots and pans so mom could use them for something new, and stirring shit cuz she couldn't move.

He demanded seafood and stuffed shells for Christmas. Mom told him that shit would be too expensive for people like us. Besides, she would get paid on Dec 22nd, which meant it would be too late to get anything like that as shit would be cleared out. He had the money to get the stuff he wanted early, but decided Food Stamps should pay for most of it first and waited until Christmas Eve. Well, guess what?! Money finally comes in, he waits around, and when he finally goes shopping... there's barely anything left.

He had to buy frozen stuffed shells which were a bit cheaper than making them homemade, but they ended up being disgusting and no one liked the filling which tasted rancid af. So, he left them on the counter for like 10 hours and never touched them. Then bitched cuz no one, not even him, ate them and they sat out all night and had to be thrown out. He managed to get some kind of mini shrimp platter which was basically 28-30 small shrimp around a small container of cocktail sauce. Finally, he had to spend his own actually money to go to some small seafood shop somewhere and get some clams which were expensive as well. We each got like 6 of the world's smallest ass clams ever.

Basically, there was nothing of actual substance for dinner and we all ate mom's pasta salad which was gone in a single sitting.

Then, he wanted pumpkin pie, lemon meringue pie, and some other pie. Mom told him she wasn't making him jack shit cuz he's the only one who likes pumpkin pie in this house, and she made him one just for him at Thanksgiving... and his ass never ate any of it. In fact, he claimed it made him sick(which was him hiding the fact that he'd gotten himself fast food earlier that day, when he knows grease and oil on french fries make him sick). Bethy narked on him wasting money on Thanksgiving Day when we were already making dinner, and he stuck to his claims and ended up leaving that pie to sit in the fridge on the top shelf and never touched it. He got himself fast food a couple days later and... got sick again. And mom was like, "Let me guess... the ice cream made you sick so now you won't need to touch it and the rest of us can have it?" And he threw a fit.

Dave had to buy his precious pie for himself... And refused to fucking read direction so guess what? He left it in too long and burned it. Mom had placed a special order for quick delivery and got the rest of us different pies to share so everyone would get something for dessert. They just ended up being mostly whipped cream and a slight hint of flavor and were lame af tho. I was especially mad cuz she informed everyone of who got what and Dave literally went right behind everyone's backs and took like a quarter of each of the other pies in one sitting and left his burnt as one on the table for days.

2.) Landlady's Possessions

Some may recall me mentioning how in our first 2 weeks here, Dave managed to break the tempered glass stove top and tried to hide it? Well, not only has he not replaced that after finally coming clean about it and claiming it would be and easy replacement to handle, but he also broke the handle to the landlady's washer/dryer set, and the faucet in the bathroom sink which is why we haven't been able to wash our hands there this whole time. We've gotten use the shower to the kitchen sink if cleanliness is truly so important.

Mom ended up having to place the dryer handle the other night. Dave still won't mention the stove top though. He claims he can fix the faucet but won't acknowledge how if he doesn't fix the stove top, he's not getting the last month's rent and security back(which would be about $2,600). The house will NOT be as it was when he moved it because of HIM and that WILL be $2,600 down the drain. So, despite all that bitching, he's doing nothing as per usual.

3.) Waste

He's still wasting food. The first point should have gotten that across pretty well but it goes beyond.

I made pasta 2 nights ago. We had alfredo sauce, and I had some cans of chicken I was hiding away for a just such an occasion to spruce it up, yk? It took like half an hour, but it was done right as they walked in the door at 6 PM. I got mom and I some food, Bethy got her own food, and then we ate.

His ass never ate dinner. In fact, he got on the phone to whoever the fuck to bitch about how tired he was of not getting to eat full meals. Rigatoni in chicken and alfredo sauce was sitting in a massive pot int he kitchen, and his ass wouldn't touch it. Same as usual. There was enough for him but when I went out, he didn't touch it even after hours, so I had to put it away.

He never puts the food away, no matter who makes it. I often go into the kitchen at midnight to find all of dinner left everywhere. Much has gone to waste even because he won't fucking help.

So today, mom was supposed to make stuffed peppers. She got all the shit for it, but Dave suddenly whines and bitches, like he's never had them before and doesn't know how they're made, "What's in them?" Mom explains slowly cuz he's that fucking dumb. "I don't want tomato sauce, I'll get heartburn!" "We've always had them that way, and you've always had heartburn, yet you never complained before." "Well, I don't want it now! I'm fucking tired of tomato sauce!"

We haven't had tomato sauce in over a month cuz he specifically won't buy it unless Bethy is there to put it in the cart. He demands mom uses alfredo sauce in the stuffed peppers instead... and it was awful. I've never needed so much salt in my life. Dave lost the garlic powder so much of the flavor was missing, and rice covered in alfredo sauce is NOT good. I was very displeased. Once again, we do shit to cater to Dave and once again, it ends up being a failure cuz guess what? He didn't fucking eat any. There were enough for everyone to have at least 2 with 2 left over. There are 6 remaining. I ate 2 with extra rice on the side, mom had 1, and Bethy had 1. Dave didn't even eat them... cuz he ended up not liking them even when mom told him it wasn't going to end up well.

All that bitching and forcing us to change how we usually do things, only to not only NOT eat the thing that was made to his specifications, but then he spent the night bitching about being hungry when his ass could make spaghetti and alfredo sauce for himself if he was so desperate for food. We have ground beef and ground turkey. Canned chicken. Mac n' cheese. Different types of soup. He was not starving or going without, he was just lazy. After all that talking, he did nothing at all.

4.) Not reading the lease.

Withholding details of the lease from us and not bothering to read it clearly and now acting like he did nothing wrong the entire time.

~.O.~

The one thing Dave isn't at fault for, is the landlady's behavior.

This house has a separate garage that wasn't part of the lease. She's not having it slightly remodeled, and her ex-husband is adding an electric garage door. He had to come in and check the breaker with his electrician friend and they were mumbling to each other about her plans. She DOESN'T want to move in, she wants to rent out the house and garage together for a higher price.

I'm so mad I am practically fuming.

We're getting hit by everything, and to have this news dumped on us right before Christmas has just soured the holidays entirely. We've already begun packing our things, but we have no plan on where to go and nowhere to even put our stuff again. We have 6 weeks left and I'm just so tired.

[GFM] [Ko-Fi]

[spidey-bie]

I'm splitting this up into sections because there's a lot to go into here. Also y'all know about Ansi enough so I'm getting straight into the relationship. Not proof read if there's errors then no there isn't. Thank you to @the-cat-and-the-birdie for the questions.

Hobie & Ansi

–Part 1

Describe their relationship in 10 words or less.

Idiots who care for one another more than they think.

Describe their dynamic

There are layers to this. At first glance they give off power couple. When they're on site but not in a mission they're chaotic gremlins. But, when they're by themselves they're just two people who are so tired of living. Yet they're both gonna fight. It's gonna suck but they're both gonna keep going until things get better.

Quick! Someone asks 'What are you two? Are you dating?' - What do they say?

"Mind your business."

They will never explain a thing to anybody who they aren't close with if asked.

What's they're favorite way to spend time together?

Reading. They both love to just sit and read together. They'll read aloud to each other.

Hobie adores Ansi's reading voice. The way he changes his pitch for each character.

Her cheerful tone that she can somehow keep throughout the entire story. The way you can tell when a character is about to do something embarrassing because his nose just flared.

Ansi reads mostly sci-fi and fantasy because to him reading is an escapism.

Ansi enjoys Hobie's reading for many reasons (aside from the fact that his voice is so easy in the ears).

His deep and calming voice. The way he tries to hide or exaggerate his accent as he reads. The way he'll pause and take a long drawn out breath when he gets mad before he continues.

His smooth and steady pace is really relaxing. Ansi is fighting fight sleep every time. Hobie reads mostly memoirs or auto/biographies of important black political figures. For him reading is a means to gain knowledge and understanding about the world.

Are they romantic, platonic, sexual? A secret fourth thing?

Trying to narrow it down under any one thing is honestly offensive. They're just so loyally devoted to one another that the lines blur. Ansi will never trust anyone as much as he trusts Hobie and vice versa.

How long have they known each other?

2 years. (Hahaha so apparently they've known each other for 5 non-consecutive years.)

What song embodies their vibe?

It took so long to find a song that didn't use the word love in it. That was genuinely my only rule.

I Will by Mitski

I wanted a song that expressed the devotion that they hold for one another as well as their ability to be vulnerable with each other. To me this song is like them shouting "JUST LET ME TAKE CARE OF YOU," back and forth.

Two Slow Dancers by Mitski

The main theme of this song is nostalgia. And I've found that the two of them share more history than what I previously thought. They both wish they could turn back time. It'd be nice to go back to when life was simpler but they both know that they have to keep moving forward.

(I Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys was in the running too. )

Any nicknames for each other?

Hobie calls Ansi his/a Trickster and Ann

(like Anansi the trickster spider)

Ansi has tons of nicknames for Hobie.

So far she's got: Busy Bee, Bean, Paper Boy, Bie, Hobbs, and Princess if he's getting on his nerves.

What does a sleepover look like for them?

On a good night it's the two of them infodumping back and forth to one another. Or Hobie bouncing lyrics ideas off for Ansi to sing. Boring bland stuff because it's nighttime and Ansi has a sleep schedule that he likes to stick to.

On a bad night they're both lying in Ansi's full size bed drunk or high, spilling their hearts out to one another until either the sun rises or they both pass out. Sometimes they're just lying on the couch, Hobie in Ansi's arms silently sobbing.

What moment do they feel safest with each other?

Idk if this question is referring to a specific time in the day or a moment in their shared history so I'll say something for the first one.

Crime never sleeps and I don't think the two of them do either. I'd like to say nighttime but we all know nobody is getting any peace and quiet in the streets of Seattle or London at nighttime. So probably around dusk. Right before nightfall. Or at dawn when the sun is just starting to rise.

For some of these answers I just blacked out and it felt like they were speaking through me like dang. Y'all good????

Next | Third | Fourth | Fifth

[cutiejihyo]

something small while i work on requests.. (au related of course because im fixated on it) tw // arguing, yelling, crying

it started as a simple joke, it wasn't meant to escalate into a full blown argument. jeongyeon made a sarcastic remark about nayeon not doing the dishes, which set the older woman off. she was tired from not getting much sleep the night before since jihyo had a night terror and didn't fall back asleep until around 4am.

"and when do you ever do the dishes, yoo jeongyeon?" she snapped back, not in the mood for her wife's jokes tonight. "babe, it was a joke, i was planning on doing the dishes tonight anyways. plus, i do the dishes everyday, i'm not sure what you're talking about" jeongyeon chuckled, trying to show her words were meant to be lighthearted.

nayeon wasn't having it though, her voice got louder as they continued to argue back and forth about the dishes. within minutes, they were having a full-on screaming match. they could barely even understood what the other person was saying due to how loud they were. now, they rarely got into arguments like this and this was probably their first time getting into a screaming match.

unfortunately, due to their volume, they were able to catch the attention of the poor little who was just in the next room over. jihyo was sitting contently on the floor, watching tv and occasionally playing with her toys that were laid out in front of her. she soon heard loud yelling, yells she had never heard before. she slowly crawled to the entrance of the kitchen, seeing her worst nightmare play out right in front of her.

suddenly, all of her repressed trauma came back to her at once. her hands flew to her ears and she also started to scream. she shut her eyes as tight as she could and began shaking her head aggressively. this caught the attention of nayeon and jeongyeon, who looked at the little in horror. they had completely forgotten she was in the living room and in earshot of the kitchen. regret began to fill both of them, feeling horrible.

they both tried their best to not be loud around jihyo, knowing how it can trigger her and possibly set her back in terms of recovering from her trauma. jeongyeon, who was the first to move, kneeled down next to jihyo, immediately trying to calm her down before she picked her up.

"jihyo it's okay, mommy and mama were just playing. it'll all be okay, i promise" jeongyeon rubbed her back, attempting to relax her to some avail. her screaming stopped, but it just turned into crying which wasn't much better. from here, jeongyeon decided it would be okay to pick her up. jihyo melted into her touch, wanting the comfort of her mama's arms more than anything right now.

nayeon, unsure of what to do, started crying and stormed up the stairs, locking herself in the shared bedroom. jeongyeon continued to comfort her baby, soon moving to the living room where she could sit down and hummed lullabies while rocking her gently. she had never heard such painful sobs come from jihyo, it was hurting her tremendously.

after around 10 more minutes, the sobs started to slow ever so slightly. by this point, jeongyeon also had tears in her eyes. she felt so horrible for letting the argument get to the point that it did, she had a strong feeling she wouldn't forgive herself for a very long time.

some more time passed, and jihyo was exhausted from crying. she laid on top of her mama, unable to process anything around her. time moved so slowly yet so fast, it had already been an hour since the initial argument. jeongyeon continued to hold the little, giving her small praises and letting her know that she will never leave her and neither would nayeon.

she noticed jihyo was sucking on her thumb, a bad habit of hers, and swiftly replaced it with a blue pacifier, which jihyo accepted as soon as it was placed in her mouth. jeongyeon kissed the top of jihyo's head and let out a long sigh, knowing tonight was going to be the longest night of her life.

[wowwowokay2]

Talia, part 5/?

Dinner at 7:02pm: The restaurant did say they were busy, but with her food an hour late, Talia was relieved when it finally arrived. Chow mein, General Tso’s chicken, and egg rolls awaited her as she graciously paid the delivery driver and claimed her prize. Coupons were a godsend, as she was able to buy two-for-one portions, plus the famous megapack of 12 egg rolls. She was going to be set for the next few days.

Talia sat down on her loveseat and dug into her dinner. Chow mein as her first bite, it was her own strange ritual to start out eating any Chinese food. Then she allowed herself to go back a forth between chow mein, chicken and the occasional egg roll. She did her best to eat slowly and watched some subpar television with her dinner.

By 8:00pm she felt quite full, but she managed to sneak in one last bite of chow mein before pushing all the takeout containers away. She tugged her leggings and underwear down slightly and carefully reclined. For ten minutes she rested before forcing herself to get up and put away her leftovers. Gingerly she stood and gathered the containers, being careful not to bend too much and cause her gut discomfort. Waddling off to the kitchen she laid the containers out on her counter. She had finished one whole portion each of chow mein and General Tso’s chicken, and had eaten about a third of the second containers of chicken and chow mein. She had also eaten nine egg rolls. Talia decided to call it a night, she packed up the food and headed for bed.

Before she tried going to sleep, she thought she would update the online community with a picture of her moderately stuffed gut. Almost immediately she got flooded with encouragement to keep eating. But she was tired after a long day, and she dozed off.

10:57pm: Talia rolls out of bed, sitting up slowly. She belches loudly and stretches. She placed a hand on her stomach, testing it. It still felt pretty stuffed but her mind was on food. She could feel herself warming as she squirmed on the edge of her bed, debating on whether or not to go eat.

“I could at least have a snack.” She muttered to herself. She gingerly got up and returned to the kitchen. Her mind immediately went to the three remaining egg rolls. I could easily polish those off, she thought. And thus, after a quick trip to the microwave, she did polish them off. They weren’t as crispy now, but the softness of the deep fried interior remained. Yum.

And yet, despite her condition, she wanted to eat more. She sauntered over to her pantry and grabbed a bag of barbecue chips. It was a value size bag that she hadn’t opened yet. Talia went to the couch with her bag, ripped it open and turned on the TV.

The crisp, salty and sweet tang of chips was just what she needed. The grease of them coated her fingers and lips. She wasn’t eating them quickly, she was simply eating mindlessly, watching old reruns. The time passed and the pressure in her stomach grew, causing her to take breaks and breath, rubbing circles into her stomach with her greasy fingers. She was so full, but she wasn’t tired anymore. She was burning, and her crotch was throbbing. Talia just kept pushing, one more chip, one more chip. Her fingers grazed the bottom of the bag and her heart jumped. She began to eat the chips faster, knowing exactly was she was doing. Soon, her hands were on the last chip, and then she quickly positioned the bag in front of her mouth and poured the crumbs into her mouth.

Some of the crumbs scattered across her face, landing on her couch. She scrunched up the bag and tossed it aside. Talia reassessed her stomach. Yup, stuffed now, she thought. She remained reclined on the couch, gently massaging her hard stomach, belching occasionally. Eventually she managed to stumble up off the couch, after a few attempts, and she waddled off to her bathroom.

Turning on her light, she was greeted by the reflection of a goddess of sorts.Her stomach was so stuffed she could pass as six months pregnant easily. There was a greasy sheen and streaks of red on her stomach, face and hands from the chips. Talia turned on the tap and gingerly bent forward slightly to wash her hands. She then grabbed a cloth and wet it to wash her face off. She wet her hands and wiped her belly clear, making circles and motions. She outlined her stomach, placed her hands up on top and run them down to underneath. She let her hands hold her little stuffed stomach.

I can’t wait to be huge.

[pbandjesse]

Today was a sleepy day because I did not feel good so I basically stayed in bed all day being sad about not feeling good.

I slept alright last night but I didn't want to wake up. I didn't feel good. My ear was hurting a lot. And I just felt low. James came and laid with me while I scrolled on my phone. But eventually I had to get up.

I took a shower and brushed my teeth and it helped a little bit. I felt really weak though and I needed to eat something quickly. So I had some cereal and tried to feel normal.

This did not work. I was just so tired. I felt bad all over. I wanted to clean or do something but I could not get it together.

James laid on the couch with me and Sweetp. Which was nice. Eventually I decided I would only feel better if I had Mac and cheese. James offered to go grocery shopping and get some. I appreciated them very much for doing that. So James would leave and I would joke about not being able to move because Sweetp was lounging on me.

But Sweetp would move pretty fast. And I would move to the bedroom and called my dad. We talked for a half hour about houses and life and it was a nice chat. Even though I was not feeling great, it did help make me feel more normal.

I would lay in bed until James came home. They made me Mac and cheese. And it made me feel slightly better a little. I thought I would sleep but that never happened. James put a blanket on me and I was at least cozy even if I wasn't doing my best.

I got a little over upset when Sarah texted me to ask about setting up the Native American program tomorrow. I thought it was on Wednesday and was very stressed all of a sudden. Then there was a lot of confusion about who was running what and a lot of texting back and forth between Elizabeth and everyone. And I was trying not to meltdown but I was getting very very upset which I know was irrational but I was just having a bad time.

I had to focus on something else. We were going to dinner with the Fulwilers at 530. I would get myself put back together. And ready to go.

Right before we left I had James help me vacuum a few snails out of the frog tank. And then we were off.

And dinner was nice. We went to Joe's squared, which is going to close at the end of the month. A last hurrah. We ordered three pizzas and shared them. We got a margarita, a seafood, and one they call the flag which has two cheese and red sauce, 2 pesto, and two white. It was great. The white was my favorite.

We had some nice conversations too. About Tucker getting his cataract surgery. About houses. About the play Charlotte is helping with. It was a fun time. But I was still not feeling amazing. So I was glad when it was time to go home.

Hugs all around. Anne and Tucker complimented my new jacket. James gave Charlotte the eggnog cookies we got her. And then we went home.

I was very happy to be home. It was cold out and I was happy to be in our warm apartment.

I would lay in bed with James and watch clips of the new Doctor Who episodes. And eventually I would have James give me a 10 minute alarm and once that was up I went and took a shower and washed my hair.

And my ear does not feel better. But I do feel alright. I mostly just want to sleep.

Tomorrow we have a big feild trip and I hope it's fun. I'm looking forward to work but also worried about feeling bad. I hope I wake up and everything is good and I can have a nice day.

I hope you all are feeling good. And if you aren't I hope tomorrow is easier. I love you very much. Goodnight!

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

AND A TIMELOOP AU??? oh? I am. Intrigued.

apparently I have a LOT of Steph-centric WIPs right now bc this is yet another one! Steph gets caught in a time loop where the only constant is that Bruce/Batman dies. to break the loop she has to keep that from happening. BUT. she can't do it alone. and it might take her a liiiiittle too long to figure that out. long enough that by the time she starts going to the others, she's exhausted, and by the time she has any kind of real support within the 24-hour confines of her own personal hell, she's about at her breaking point. I once saw someone with a timeloop fic tag "Trope-Typical Suicide". yeah. and, predictably, I made it hints of Jaysteph. :)

It's 11:40 and B is going to die at 11:45 and the loop is going to reset at 11:47, and she's standing on a roof in the Narrows and wondering if there's anything left to try to change it. She's tried everything she can think of alone and even more with help but it's 10:41 and she wants it to be over. She just wants it to stop, wants to be anywhere but here, on a roof with the Red Hood because of all the geniuses in their team, the one person who's quickest to believe her claims about a timeloop is also the one other person who's died before.

Tim watches Doctor Who, sometimes, because he's a nerd and time travel, even the campy BBC kind, fascinates him. Stephanie thinks of stone statues and paradoxes and tops of buildings and- she doesn't think about what she's doing, stepping confidently, or as confidently as she can this exhausted, this desperate, this frustrated and tired and deprived of hope, to the edge of the roof. Normal, everyday chatter feeds through her comm.

"Hey Tim," she says abruptly, without activating her voice channel. Only Babs can hear her right now and she doesn't care. "Remember that episode of your stupid time travel show where the nurse jumps off a building to save everyone?" She feels, utterly and completely, like she's going insane.

"Spoiler," comes Hood's mechanized voice behind her. She ignores him and then feels bad about that but she's too worn down to care enough to change her mind. "Steph."

She steps one foot onto the raised lip of the roof and suddenly wonders if she even has the strength to lift herself all the way up, to push herself over the edge. She doesn't have to, though, because just as she steps into open air, something — someone — slams into her, strong arms coming around her and dragging her back into the middle of the roof.

"What the hell," growls Jason's voice from directly above her. He says something else, but she's not listening.

"Just let me go," she mumbles, even as she sags against him. "Please."

"No way, Sunshine," Jason replies, voice shaky even through the helmet. "It's gonna be okay. Just... stay with me, okay? Stay with me." His arms tighten around her and Steph leans into his solid form, rocking her carefully back and forth. "I've got you."

In one loop, not the last one but the one before that, Steph had climbed through the window of Jason's safehouse and explained the timeloop and he'd asked "Have you tried doing nothing?" And then made her sit down on his couch and eat something and sleep for awhile, because waking up in her bed every morning on the same morning doesn't count for real sleep, and when she'd woken it had been 11:44 and she'd held her breath, figuratively speaking, for two minutes before the phone call came. Tim, weak-voiced and in shock, calling Jason because their dad was dead. Steph had stared at her hands helplessly as Jason sat there in shock, then turned to her and asked, "How long do you have before it resets?" She'd told him, two minutes, and all he'd done was hold out his arms in an offer of comfort and then he'd just- held her, until she woke up again at the start of a new loop.

This is like that, and some small, not suicidal part of Steph's brain registers that even considering all the body armor, Jason is a really good hugger. "What time is it?" She manages, finally, after she counts out thirty seconds of silence through the comms and steady breathing from Jason.

He stops rocking her. "11:47," he says, and Steph stops breathing.

"Really?" She asks, barely daring to hope, but it's the first flicker she's felt in so long that she can't help it. It's in her nature.

"Yeah. I'm gonna let go of you a second, take the helmet off, 'kay?" Steph nods, misses the security of his hold on her for the few seconds it's gone. "Hey," Jason says, helmet and voice modulator gone. He says it like a greeting even though they've been together all day. It's a day, now, not a loop. It's a day.

"Hey," Steph whispers back.

[ellies-cycling-notes]

Day 2: Long Island to NYC

Distance Covered: 80.23 miles

Total Time (including rests): 9:47 (7:45am-5:32pm)

Time spent riding: 7:22

Average Speed: 10.9 mph

Apples Eaten: 3 (fuji - 7.5/10, fuji - 8/10, granny smith - 6/10)

Overview of Ride:

Today's ride was just a single long trek. The very beginning of the ride was on some of the best side roads I've ever been on (they were of similar quality to a bike trail), but after that, most of the rest of the ride was spent on state roads with cars zooming past.

Once I got into NYC, though, it got better. My route took me on multiple bike trails through parks, and even when I was on city streets, New York's bike infrastructure felt better than I'm used to (this was probably influenced by the fact I was coming from various state roads that had practically 0 bike infrastructure).

The worst part of the ride was the flat tires. I ended up getting 2 flats today, both on my back wheel. I think the second flat was actually influenced by the first, because I only have a hand pump and cannot fully pump up a tire unless I go to a bike shop, and so I believe the extra weight on the back wheel combined with a not-completely pumped up tire is what caused the second tube to pop.

I finished off the ride with 2 back-to-back bridges: the Kosciuszko bridge, and then the Williamsburg bridge. The Kosciuszko bridge wasn't that bad, but the ride uphill for the Williamsburg bridge was absolute hell. At least it meant that once I got to the top of the bridge, the last 1.5 miles I had to ride were smooth sailing.

I took 4 breaks on today's ride: breaks #1 and #3 were short breaks where I had to fix a tire, and thus also had a little snack. Break #2 was in a park, where I had an early lunch (PB&J, as expected). My last break was a water break in Queens right before I got to ride on the Brooklyn-Queens Greenway, a rather nice bike path.

Small Notes/Experiences on the Ride

Sunscreen - I almost forgot to put on sunscreen this morning! My campsite was in the shade and the sun was still low when I started the ride, so I just forgot. Luckily, I noticed another bicyclist who had stopped on the side of the road and was doing various prep, and somehow that subconsciously reminded me to apply sunscreen

Waking up - I woke up just before dawn this morning (around 5:30am). I tried to fall back asleep, but couldn't, for 3 main reasons: (1) my sleeping bag was really hot, and I was overheating (2) there were train tracks near the campground and a train passed by just as I was trying to fall back asleep (3) roosters! I don't know where they were, but starting around 6am, you could hear a rooster's call every minute or two

Speed Limit - As a bicyclist, I always find it funny when I'm able to go faster than the speed limit. This is easily attainable on roads with a Limit of 15 mph, but my law-breaking was more impressive than that today. The road had a speed limit of 20 mph, and was on a short downhill, so I was able to pick up speed such that I was the fastest vehicle on the road (I capped out at around 24 mph on that road)

Railroad Avenues - I don't know why, but my maps kept having me take routes that ended up with me going right parallel to train tracks. More than once, said parallel road was called a Railroad Avenue.

Dogs - I usually don't care much for animals, but there were a few dogs of interest I noticed today. One of them was in a yard behind a fence and kept zooming back and forth from one end to another. I thought it was following cars, but then it just turned around and raced to the other end when it was already chasing a car, so that theory might be wrong. I also saw a wooden or plastic dog statue, maybe 1 meter tall, hyper-realistic, just sitting on the curb of a city street. There was a third dog I was thinking about mentioning, but I forgot why it was interesting before I had a chance to write it down.

Post Ride Notes

I'm now resting in a friend's apartment in NYC. I'm late to posting tonight because when I got here, I ended up just lying down for an hour or two because of how sore I was. I did not do Yoga today, but as tomorrow is my rest day, I'll likely do Yoga then.

Design Notes

Today's design notes refer to specific games I'm working on/want to work on, mainly focusing in from a mechanics perspective.

Game 1: Doubles Rowing

The idea for this is a micro card game, maybe 20 cards at most, where two players play cooperatively as the two rowers in a Double (a two-person boat where each person has 2 oars). The stroke seat would have to play cards to set the pace and keep the energy up, while the bow seat would have to follow the stroke and make directional calls (and maybe some other calls too). This idea hasn't really been fleshed out at all yet, so that's what I have so far.

Game 2: Bicycle Repair Minigames

A video game, probably using either a mouse-and-keyboard or a game controller, where the player has to perform various tasks that require precise actions in order to repair a bike. For example, when performing the mini-game to replace a bike chain, you would have to carefully line your new and old chains up, side-by-side, and then use a chain tool to shorten the new chain if it's too long. However, you still have to be very precise with this part, as you don't want to accidentally break a chain link. After that, you put the chain carefully on the bike cassettes, and have to line up the ends of the chain so that you can connect it, either using a master link, or by using the chain tool again. And that's just one example of a mini-game

Game 3: Cooperative UNO: Curses!

This game is based around a cooperative game-loss condition I've been wanting to work into a game for a while. I thought I'd test the mechanic/loss condition out with an UNO deck. I have a whole rules system for it, so here's how it works:

This game is for 2+** players.

Separate out the numbered cards (0-9) from the others.

Shuffle the numbered cards and deal each player 5 cards. Set the rest of the numbered cards to the side face-down (this is the deck).

Put the top card of the deck in the discard pile.

Set the other cards (reserve, +2 cards, etc.) to the side in a pile (doesn't need to be shuffled). This is the Curse pile. Any cards that are not number cards will be counted as Curse cards in this game.

Now, here's how you play the game. Players are working together, taking turns. Tabletalk rules are up to you, but I would suggest no talking.

On your turn, you start by drawing until you have 5 cards in hand (on your first turn, you draw 0 cards). If you attempt to draw from an empty deck, keep the top card of the discard pile, and shuffle the rest of the discard pile as the new deck.

Next, you play a number card to the discard pile that follows the rules of UNO (is either the same color or number value). If you cannot, you discard any number card from your hand to the bottom of the discard pile. Also, add a card from the Curse pile to the bottom of the discard pile.

At the end of your turn, discard any Curse cards you have in your hand to the bottom of the discard pile.

Winning/Losing the Game:

This is not currently a game that can be won. However, there are 2 ways to lose:

If every player must discard Curse cards at the end of their turn in a turn cycle, you lose.

If one player is neither able to play a number card nor able to discard a number card on their turn because their entire hand is Curses, you lose.

Game 4: Cave Explorer

This is the game I probably have the most to write about, but I'm getting tired, so I'm going shorten it to a summary today. Luckily, this is the game I'm most interested in working on/thinking about, so I'll probably have many chances to expand on this in future blog posts.

This game is a single-player video game I made in a class my Freshman year. It's a rogue-like game, where you have a large grid of colored squares. You have an avatar on one of those squares you can move around by using the arrow keys, and need to get them to the exit. However, there are 3 snags in this plan.

First, when you input a movement for your character, they don't actually move. Instead, your input is recorded in a log on the side of the screen and you can add more inputs. When you think you've made all the movements to get your guy to the exit, you can click "Enter", and they'll go through the movements you inputted one-by-one until they either reach the exit, or fail to do so.

The second trick is that each colored square has a differently ability. In the original version of the game, you start with four types of tiles:

Floor - light grey tiles that you can walk on

Walls - dark green tiles that you can't move through - they can be used strategically, though, if you think you'll forget one of your inputs.

Pits - Black tiles that if your avatar walks on them, it's a game over.

Falling Floors - Dark grey tiles that can only be stepped on once. After that, they turn into Pits.

Furthermore, as you get further in the game, more unique tiles will appear so you have to be able to carefully maneuver around, making use of the different tiles the best you can.

The last snag in your game plan is the timer. The game cannot actually be beaten, levels can generate infinitely. Your progress is instead calculated by how many randomly-generated levels you can get through before you run out of time, with each level more complicated/difficult than the last.

That's an overview of the original version of Cave Explorer. I have a rest day tomorrow, so I'll try to see if I can find the files for it and whether I'd be able to share it.

I have several ideas for ways to expand/re-work Cave Explorer. However, as mentioned earlier, I don't really want to get into all that right now. Instead, I'm going to give a list of terms, which will serve as both a notes board for myself, and a small bite of what I'm thinking about.

Gamemodes: Classic, Basic, Randomized, Region-based, Endless, "Deck-builder", Custom

Tile Types: Ice, Mud, Jump, Quicksand, Linked Teleport, Key, Hidden Room, Upstairs, Corruption, various "Points" tiles

Code Changes: Updated map-building, weight of tiles, tile definitions, ui formatting

"Out There" Ideas: new characters, enemies, race/fight mode

That's everything from me tonight! I'll be resting up tomorrow, and will still make a post, but it'll probably be shorter and more formal than normal.

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[focusandrelaxforme]

Documenting My Subject's Hypno Slavery Journey (Part 8)

- After her subdrop, we took things easy for a bit before getting back into it. Add to that her incoming trip, and just general busyness, and finding time for proper sessions has been difficult.

- That said, my plan is to come up with a more structured approach that will effectively leave her with instructions and guidance even when I can't interact with her directly in the moment.

- Part of that is having her be more available to her husband, so that she gets the feeling of being used.

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Dear Diary,

I feel like I haven't wrote in so long...but in reality its only been a day.. Not a lot has happened since my last entry. I suffered from a bit of a rough sub drop and Master let me take the day to recover. He offered to give me a bit more freedom, but I declined. That makes me feel a bit empty. He was very easy on me...except my "rest" day still involved a 10 min killer ab workout haha. But don't tell him.. I really don't mind.. i crave the control. I need to be under his control...and I desperately need to obey. The last couple days Master has been busy with work and the holiday. And I'm sure he is very tired. So I have found myself alone a lot. Which really only makes me realize how much I crave the control. I really need to find myself a hobby to do when he is busy.. or something he can assign to me. Ill have to think about that. Is it weird that I've grown to miss someone that I've only known for a week? I don't want to be seen as a crazy person. I just got used to him being there I guess. Thankfully he has still been in and out to give me little instructions...which has helped keep.me in check. He instructed me to go deep to do this journal and omg am I going deep right now. Sooo deep. I haven't been this deep in a few days and woah. Spinny!

Anyway.. idk what I am even talking about at this point. Master has promised me that he would help me deal with my anxiety and insecurities. Its embarrassing to admit that I even have the. O want to come across as a sexy confident slave...but with him i melt. And no Master, not like the creepy Indiana jones gif you sent me.

On Sunday we spent all day being sarcastic and fun. I genuinely enjoy my conversations with him...and i hope he feels the same. He has a great sense of humor...and makes me laugh like an idiot at my phone a lot. On Monday I woke up feeling relaxed...and upon putting in my lush for the day, I started to go deep. Maybe it's my lush causing it now? Is that a trigger? Anyway.. i found myself filled with energy and feeling so sassy and confident. I almost feel like I cant mess anything up...like I couldn't make a mistake if I tried. Its weird.. like I felt perfect. It lasted for a few hours at work again like Saturday.. where I was able to be high functioning while also being a deep slave for Master. Something caused me to fall out if it though after a some time. I started to get anxiety and then I was back aware. I was sad to not be happy and deep anymore. Being deep feels so nice. I feel like a happy, calm person . And i feel like my whole body is on edge and just waiting for my Masters next message. I enjoy it.. i have never had these experiences before.

Master has changed my lush instructions a bit to be a little bit safer for my body...just in case. So now I only wear it in the morning until lunch and then sometimes for a little bit at nigh for my workout. Maybe because its a trigger who knows. Well...except him. He knows everything haha.

Today he was at a forth of July party so I was home a lot alone.. but he gave me instructions to be a good slave and show my husband how much freedom. He gets for the 4th. I was to practice my obedience by telling him how deeply enslaved I am and by offering him my mouth all day. He surprisingly only took advantage of it once...and oh my.. was I deep. Master instructed me to forget about it.. but I fully remember now. i laid down my baby for a nap and then went and crawled into bed with him. He snuggled up ne t to my butt..as he always does.. and I shyly whispered that I was enslaved... in hopes he wouldn't judge me.. and then asked if he would like a blow job. He said he was alright at first...because he was half asleep.. but then about 20 mins later he woke me for it. i don't even know what came over me.. I love sucking cock normally...but I reallllly loved it today. I found my pussy aching around my lush as I licked repeatedly up and down my husbands cock and balls. He was moaning and telling me how great it felt. And I kept teasing him with mg tongue and then I would take his cock in my mouth and press it deep... i would fuck my face slowly and then quickly until i gagged on his cock.. then I would go back to licking. This went on for probably 25 mins.. and I couldn't get enough. I just felt hungry . I wanted to be so obedient for my Master.. My husband reached over and pulled down my PJs at one point and found my lush pressed into my pussy. He was a little shocked i think...and rubbed my pussy a little. It felt nice...but no where near as nice as when I was slamming his cock into my mouth for my Master. I could have cum from just that.. but I didn't ask when Master gave me the instructions.. so I was good and just let myself get to the edge. My husband finally came after I started moaning a little and whining.. i couldn't really speak...because I was so deep and into the blowjob.. he stroked his cock for me while I licked his balls and he came on top his stomach. Then I just zoned out and laid on the bed for a few minutes until i was a real person again. Then I found myself happy and bubbly for a while until my anxiety and insecurities settled back in again. I then convinced my husband to take me to get food...and I cried in the car.. not because of Master...but because of my trip coming up. I'm so stressed. How does one accept that their Mother has died.. when you lived in another state and hadn't spoken to her in months.

I don't want to be depressing and I have already filled a whole notepad at this point. Woah.

Umm anyway. I freaking miss my Master.. and I hate it. Why do I miss him. Quit being cute. (But really don't please)

Haha. Anyway ..im watching your comments! Feel free to say hi Xoxo I wrote way too much..

sorry,

slave.

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[defiantscribe]

Thanks again, gang

I think it's time to vent to Tumblr again, because I just can't seem to bring myself to talk about this kind of thing out loud or find someone beyond myself to give as much of a damn about it as I do.

Not that I would expect another to, but that's the rub: I care deeply about trying to find some sort of positive direction in my life, something to work towards, something to be happy or proud of and I just keep finding excuses to not and I'm tired of feeling like I'm the failure of the month, month after month, because I can't find enough motivation to stick with something and run it to the end.

I know that complaining like this will result in nothing, but sometimes it's simply a matter of putting thought to paper (or text) that will allow me to let it go. I have a tendency to hold onto things that shouldn't matter or be a matter of being important, but I can't seem to let them go like it's almost a personal slight.

It's not a personal slight, but it's hard to not take things personally sometimes.

Let me regale you with a small story that recently happened just to illustrate this point.

So I host gaming nights weekly, have been for roughly 4 years now and sometimes the sessions will go long, sometimes the sessions go only a couple of hours. All depends on the vibe, the people playing, lots of factors.

Well, the other evening I had two of my good IRL friends playing and we had a player we'd only known online that we wanted to move away from and just play the 3 of us. So we wrangled a way to do so and we joined a VC and it was just us. I was super happy to hang out and have those two with me, but suddenly I wasn't.

One of my friends has been having some pretty heavy life issues and they started talking with the other friend at great length about their issues.

Now, this is not a problem. I know they needed to get all of that bullshit they're dealing with out and talk about it, I get that, but what sucked was that I was third wheeled HARD. And it wasn't until almost an hour later that one of them even acknowledged that maybe they'd third wheeled me.

Wouldn't have been a major thing, but we were all on cam, so they could see me. They could see me just sitting there, in silence, listening to their conversation with no interjection. I had tried to start a game 10 minutes after we switched, the invite went ignored as the conversation they were having continued.

I eventually gave up on trying to play a game and just kind of did my own thing by watching youtube shorts and other things while they went back and forth. Even got to the point where I considered hard booting my PC and acting like I had a power bump just to get out of the situation because clearly I wasn't a part of this, even though I was the one who initiated and made this happen so I could hang out with my friends.

But then my friends sidebarred me and only saw me after I got up, went to the bathroom and then came back looking all bored. And the best part was even after acknowledging me, they both went to the bathroom themselves, leaving me there by myself…. again.

Now, this just sucked. They both "apologized", but I felt it was half hearted like I should just be accepting of it. And I don't feel that way. I don't feel like I did anything to warrant that treatment, especially since they both know my issues with being shut out like that in the past and having trust issues because of it, but it also dawns on me that perhaps I'm taking this too personally.

And it's troubling because I feel like I was ignored by people that were suppose to be there for me, but my one friend needed someone beyond me to listen to them.

I don't know man, it just sucked and did nothing more than drum up old feelings of "I'm in this alone". I was really trying to move past that in life, I've held on to that mentality for a long long time and it's taken a small force of nature to get me past that type of thinking, but then something like this happens and only seems to confirm that I was right all along.

My friend even said they had nothing to keep them here in our home town and that stung. Like I didn't matter enough to them when I've offered my home to them and it just drove home the feeling of "no one will really be there for you". And I've been struggling with that old, toxic feeling for the past 3 days now and I'm mad.

I'm fucking mad. I hate this feeling. I hate that I'm made to feel like I don't matter that much. Not that it's their responsibility to make me feel any way, but Jesus….. you could at least make me not feel like less than dirt on the ground in your personal opinion. And then I turn around and give justification to their actions, saying I understand their treatment of me in that moment, but I'm getting to the point where I really need to stop that type of thinking because honestly…. that's victim mentality. Finding justification for mistreatment. They were just having a bad day, they didn't mean it, etc. etc.

I've been a sympathizer in that respect for a LONG time, there was a point in my life where I wasn't, but it's gotten to a point where I need to stop accepting that kind of treatment and just deal with the fallout of walking away or snubbing those who would snub me.

I used to be far more aggressive in things like this, but I've gotten soft and decided being a people pleaser was the right path for me. Perhaps I need to not go that route anymore and need to start stomping on feet of those who decide to step out of line and expect me to just roll over and accept it.

Maybe I just need to disappear and re-evaluate what it all means for me and maybe do something else for a change. I mean, I've been doing this for 4 years now and it's almost become expected, not appreciated. Maybe these people need to find something else to do too. I just am tired of feeling like the effort I put forth is expected. Well, it's not. It's what I want to do, not because of you, but because I want to.

It's a sticky situation that needs some evaluation. Time to maybe put what I need to do before I give a fuck about what others want from me. Been a hot minute since I've done that, truthfully.

Just keeps feeling like all the effort, all the work, everything I keep trying just keeps leading back to the same damn conclusion. Wasn't that the definition of insanity? No, that was keep trying the same thing expecting different results. I'm trying different things, but keep getting the same result: Suck eggs, bro.

I don't even like eggs, fuck your eggs.