#(all opinions about Cal’s hair are valid)

[nevermindigotthis]

Some little doodles about my thoughts on some of Cal‘s hairstyles in Jedi Survivor. My favourite was Choppy Forward, which isn’t featured here. In order of appearance the hairstyles are: bun, windswept, hawk, mullet, slicked back, middle part and headband. Which one was your favourite? Do you agree with the vibes?

[nukiiszn]

I can deny myself countless things to heighten his pleasure And I can risk for him what would be dearest to me without him But me, myself, I do not sacrifice for him But rather remain an egoist and- enjoy him

Dys wasn't a 'love' kind of boy.

Or, at least, the socially prevalent type of love.

The kind of love he grew up with, the love that came to others so naturally.

Platonic love, the comfort and vulnerability of being true and being harmonious with each other that Rex and Nomi shared, the feeling of being halves of a whole yet still whole as individuals.

Romantic love, the reddish tint that rushes through Cal's cheeks, and the darting of his eyes when Tammy tucks her hair behind her ear, the embarrassing stutter and stumble of words when Tammy smiles at him or taps his shoulder.

Familial love, the sparkle of admiration in Anemone's eyes when Kom comes back from an expedition with Security Chief Rhett with a curious scar on his arm. Though he feels as though must have felt something along the lines once in his earlier life before Vertumna.

And... whatever Marz was so keen and persistent on doing with Tangent when she ran her eyes and a single manicured palm over Tangent's body with hooded eyes, a look that Tangent reciprocated in her own way. Dys assumed that as another form of love.

These feelings were so persistent and so common, like natural behavior in humankind, this feeling of love. Yet Dys could never comprehend it nor how it comes so easily.

Dys understood trust. He understood loyalty, obsession, vulnerability, compassion, the need to feel, the need to commune, the need to sacrifice, to be cherished, among others.

Rather, what he couldn't decipher was how one feels all those things, does all those things, for just one equally small being besides themselves. How all these convoluted and needlessly cumbersome emotions manifest into a simple four-letter word. How that word is uttered so easily, thrown around like it's as light as a feather. How people let it take them over, brings them into such euphoric states, almost to a fault.

It was not as though Dys wanted to berate the people who felt this, that he wanted to rid the world of such an emotion. He had no business with how they went about their lives, he did not find the need to involve himself, either.

He was perfectly content, even, being someone different, some kind of 'outcast', as he was labelled. He relished in his own uniqueness, he did not feel any desire to conform even if that brought along with it an encompassing loneliness.

He wanted, but did not crave to be understood, to be heard and to be validated. He wanted love, but did not crave it, nor for him to be loved. He did not crave such fragile and often futile things. If he deserves such things, if he was destined for it, he would not need to search for it. He would want it and it would come to him.

Yet it was cumbersome. Unnecessarily frustrating, difficult. An arduous and vulnerable task to reach an uncertain happiness, a happiness that was more likely temporary than not.

His beliefs were not proven wrong when Sol came to him one night under the night sky, as though he had wished for him upon a star.

Dys didn't feel Sol's presence until he heard the soft rustling of the grass and skin brush along his fingertips. He turned curiously to the right, startled when Sol was spread out on the grass much like he was.

Sol didn't say anything, he knew he didn't need to with Dys. Dys found companionship in the simple act of presence, comfortable silence, sharing something without the need for words.

Dys turned back to the night sky, his thoughts wandering with every new star his eyes observed.

Sol was part of a small, exclusive few that Dys found he could get along with. He wasn't unreasonably headstrong like Anemone nor as meekly pleasant as Tammy. He wasn't as aloof and opinionated as Tangent or as prissy and narcissistic as Marz, and he wasn't as innocently boyish as Cal.

There was something about Sol that made him revolve less around himself like the rest of the kids at Vertumna. He seemed to revolve more around others, around those he cherished, what was around him. He was different, his uniqueness shone much like Dys' own, whether Sol was aware of that or not. What Dys felt for Sol was care, teetering on admiration, the only being he saw worthy of irrevocable love.

The tips of Sol's fingers brushed against Dys' own, and he felt himself tense against the grass. The touch was slight and fleeting, but electrifying, like a kid disobeying and defecting out of spite for the first time. An odd thrill, like the very sensation was wrong to think about, like it was wrong to desire for it to linger.

Dys understood, suddenly, what love was. Not to the world, not to the forming society of Vertumna. What the four letter word stood for to him.

To love is not to desire, but to have, the power of simply having, the power to let go, the power to rather hold on. The power to own, to own forever, to know you will own until you choose otherwise.

Some people might consider that ugly, to use words such as to own and to have when describing such a thing as love. Yet Dys found content in it, he found a meaning that spoke to him more than anything else, more than stories of butterflies and true love's kisses and happily ever afters.

In its essence, he found love transactional. The whirlwind of feelings and complications that came along were secondary to the simple action of giving love, and feeling the same in return.

To have someone who loves you as you love them back, to have them in the palm of your hand, to have their love, to own it. To use that love, their everlasting love for you, for better or for worse, for joy or sorrow, to experience it, to let it fill the gaps that are a cruel constant, though sometimes unnoticed.

Dys believed himself to have love most would call devotion, a love to give that was whole and true and irreplaceable. He believed Sol to deserve such love, a love he did not trust anyone else to give, anyone else to show to the lengths Sol merited, the lengths Dys would go, the lengths he would cross beyond.

To have Sol next to him in this very moment, a moment so still and small in the passage of time, was comforting. To know in this moment, Sol felt a love unique for him, and Dys returned one equally so. To know in this moment, they were inexplicably tied, by body and love, and perhaps soul, reality beyond what destiny could promise.

It was all Dys would want in this moment. All he would need for years until their bodies and bones wither back into nature's hold. In these few moments, moments so inconsequential, Dys was where he belonged. And that home would forever be, until he willed for it to go.

[rainparadefromhell]

i really like the light hearted moments in the show, they help me to not go completely insane watching rue on the brick of death all the time, nate threatening someone, soooo much nudity, etc.

but i feel like a lot of ppl are misremembering what the show was and it is always going to be about and that is trauma/drama. it's a dramatic show, and i never really viewed any relationships on the show as particularly healthy or lasting (fez and lexi look nice tho, and i would say ethan and kat too but it's a whole mess now in s2).

honestly this season IS darker but they warned us about it. not to be that person but if you feel like you truly hate every arc, aren't interested in plotlines such as cal's and nate's and just want to see cute teen ships then euphoria is definitely not something you should be watching. i feel like a good amount of people will be disappointed with the outcome of this season bc they want the messy things to "end" and "wrap up" and of course some things should evolve, but what i have personally always really liked about the show is the kind of depressing - life's biggest questions don't have easy solutions - feeling. i have always found the show's name to be so ironic bc behind all the cool make up, hair, outfits, parties, sex, drugs - all the euphoric highs of the teenage life lies a deep deep sadness almost all of the characters feel. this season is just more up front about it.

rue was never a "nice person", she was just a character we got really attached to through her narration. cassie cheated on mckay just last season, jules is unreliable, maddy can do horrible things if provoked, cal and nate are one of the most vile television characters i have ever seen. but this is season 2 and we stopped exploring the characters so much as we are seeing just how hopeless they currently are. and listen, euphoria takes a different approach in how it tells a story. it doesn't really have a fluctuating pace. it's just traumatic shit being thrown in your face almost all the time. it gets pretty tiring but i don't see the show being this glittery redemption for anyone bc it never was that.

at some point you have to let go of the potential you see in these characters and take them as they are bc you understand they aren't willing to change. it's depressing. it's disappointing. it's sad. but it's the way the show was always supposed to be like. i feel like ppl think the trigger warnings are just about the explicit stuff but no, they are for this kinda stuff, too. the show is filled with hopelessness, in my opinion, and if you feel like you cannot handle it, maybe you should take a step back, which is completely valid.

[cakesunflower]

Just My Kind [Teacher!Calum AU] Part 8

A/N: sorry for the long wait!! just so you know, this is the penultimate chapter, so the next one will be the last in this mini series!! happy reading!

Previous Parts: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7

       Odessa was stalling. She knew she was, and she knew she wasn’t doing anyone any favors by putting off a conversation that needed to happen sooner rather than later. But for all her love of books and the written word, Odessa herself couldn’t quite find the words she needed to say in order to tell Paige what exactly was going on. She had days to figure it out, and yet Odessa hadn’t been able to do it.

        It wasn’t until New Years that Odessa was finally among all of her friends once again. Michael and Crystal had decided to throw a party at their beach house, where everyone would gather to watch the fireworks go off at midnight. Odessa tried to tell herself it wasn’t really her fault that she couldn’t talk to Paige yet—everyone had been so busy during Christmas and Odessa wasn’t too fond of being the reason to potentially ruin someone else’s holiday. It wasn’t as though she could have this conversation with Paige over the phone—though, the more Odessa thought about it, the more favorable that idea seemed.

        And now it was New Years Eve and Odessa still hadn’t talked to Paige about her relationship.

        Truthfully, Calum hadn’t gotten a chance to talk to Paige, either, but he only recently just got back from New Zealand, so at least he had a valid enough reason.

        Odessa was just being a bit of a coward, despite boosting herself up multiple times to finally get this done.

        “You know the party’s going on down there, right?”

        Odessa glanced over her shoulder to see Luke step out onto the small balcony of the house, which faced the beach where all of Michael and Crystal’s guests were buzzing about. Music was loudly playing, courtesy of Michael in his DJ set, mixing with the sounds of people’s chatter and the waves crashing along the shore ahead. The air smelt of salt and smoke, thanks to the tiki torches that were set up to provide some light since the sun had long since set.

        “I know,” Odessa answered with him with a small chuckle as he approached her towards the railing, a drink in his hand. She faced forward again, looking at the people below. “I was just—”

        “Hiding?”

        She raised her eyebrows, almost startled, as she looked up at the tall blonde. “Who would I be hiding from?”

        Luke threw her a look that said really? before rolling his blue eyes, luminous under the moonlight. “Paige, maybe? You know, since you tend to hide from her a lot.”

        Odessa tried not to cringe—both at her predictability and how Luke’s words kind of made her sound like the coward she had called herself. Still, she defended, “I’m not hiding. I’m just. . . Mentally preparing myself.”

        He hummed in acknowledgement. “To tell her about you and Cal so the two of you can kiss at midnight without giving her too much of an aneurism?”

        Odessa blinked. Once then twice as her gaze swung back to Luke, gaping up at him. But Luke looked back at her evenly, knowingly, and Odessa’s heart jumped. Had Calum told him about them? They’d agreed they wouldn’t tell anyone until Paige was handled. “How did you—?”

        Luke scoffed after taking a sip of his drink, lips quirking up in a smirk. “You two aren’t nearly as subtle as you think,” he told her as Odessa straightened. “Everyone saw it coming, Odessa. It’s obvious in the way you two look at each other.” She continued gaping at him as he sipped his drink before adding, “You aren’t fooling anyone—except maybe Paige, who’s genuinely ignorant about it because she has her head so far up her ass, or she knows and doesn’t care. Neither would surprise me.”

        If anyone had to match Odessa’s dislike for Paige, it would be Luke, she knew.

        Odessa let out a long sigh, arms folding on top of the bannister. She watched as people danced and chatted and ate down below, eyes absently searching for her not-so-secret boyfriend. “She’s got a thing for Calum and I don’t know how to tell her about us. It’s going to be awkward and I know for a fact she’s going to—”

        “Make you feel like shit?” Luke finished knowingly, and Odessa nodded tiredly with another sigh. She appreciated his bluntness.

        “Ugh,” Odessa groaned, ducking her head to press her hand against her forehead. They were silent for a few moments, and maybe she was seeking some kind of reassurance from Luke, or seeking for his opinion, but she lifted her head and asked him, “Do you think I’m. . . In the wrong?” Luke shot her a quizzical look and Odessa cleared her throat. “I mean, Paige all but told me to back off when it came to Calum.” She tried to keep the distaste off her face at Paige’s territorial behavior. “But I obviously didn’t listen. Did I do a fucked up thing?”

        A wry smile tilted at Luke’s lips, just barely hinting at a dimple. “Are you asking because I’m an unbiased party?” he asked, the sarcasm in his tone making her smile slightly. Luke’s expression became thoughtful, serious. “No, I don’t think you did. Honestly, Essa, Paige acted like her and Cal were together sometimes, but the reality of the situation was that they were both single, free to be with whoever they want. Just because Paige wanted to be with Calum, doesn’t mean he felt the same. Obviously,” he added, shooting her a pointed look that warmed Odessa’s cheeks. With a light laugh, Luke added, “It worked out for Calum that you felt the same way about him. It sucks for Paige, but it’s not her call. And you shouldn’t feel guilty that you’re happy with someone who’s just as happy to be with you.”

        Wasn’t that what both her mom and Grams and Calum had told her, more or less? Maybe Odessa just needed that same reassurance from multiple people before she talked to Paige.

        Or maybe she was just waiting for someone to tell her the exact opposite. She was a masochist that way.

        “Anyways, if you wanna talk to her, you better do it sooner rather than later.” At that, Odessa glanced at Luke with a raised eyebrow, and he merely jerked his chin a bit towards the left, and she followed his gaze until it landed on a small group of people chattering down below. She easily recognized Calum, chatting and drinking with a bunch of people—and Paige standing right next to him as she conversed with some girl Odessa didn’t recognize.

        The sight was innocent enough, but Odessa knew when it came to Calum, Paige was unlikely to be innocent.

        The inside of the house was mostly stranded, Odessa noticed, as she headed downstairs, a few minutes after Luke had left her, as everyone was gathered outside. Odessa entered the wide hall that would lead towards the back door, but just as she turned around the corner from the stairs, she gasped in startlement when a body appeared in front of her.

        “Shit—oh, hey, Odessa.” She felt her muscles go rigid as she looked at Paige. “Where’ve you been hiding?”

        Odessa’s already forced smile strained. “Nowhere—I was just in the bathroom,” she lied easily. Oh, God, was this it? Was she going to have this conversation with Paige in the middle of the hall in Michael and Crystal’s house? “Paige—”

        “Have you found a someone to kiss at midnight?” the other girl interrupted her, a glint in her eyes that made Odessa’s stomach clench uneasily. Paige twirled the end of her ponytail around her finger, her hair tightly sleeked back. A corner of her lip curved up into a smirk as she held Odessa’s gaze. “Trick is to find someone single and cute and stand next to them when the clock strikes midnight.” She laughed then. “At least, that’s what I plan to do with Calum.”

        At the sound of his name—at the sound of her boyfriend’s name—Odessa felt her blood turn into ice, teeth clenching together as the music playing outside become muffled in her ears. Her throat was tight, yet somehow she managed to get out a gritted, “You can’t.”

        Paige stared at her, raising her eyebrows before scoffing out a laugh. “What do you mean, I can’t?” She gave an amused shake of her head, her ponytail swinging back and forth with the movement. “What, do you plan on kissing him?”

        The way she asked that—it was like it was a joke, the thought of Odessa kissing Calum. And it only served to irritate Odessa more, that feeling growing more intense than whatever hesitance she may have had in having this conversation. So Odessa lifted her chin, gaze never wavering as she shot back, “What if I did?”

        Any signs of amusement slipped from Paige’s face upon Odessa’s challenging tone, her back straightening and eyes narrowing suspiciously. “Wait, are you kidding?”

        It was now or never. Odessa’s neck tensed as she inhaled sharply, finally finding the words. “Look, Paige, I’ve been meaning to tell you something for a while now—”

        “Tell me what?”

        Odessa licked her lips, Paige’s stare penetrating and demanding, but she refused to let her nerves become known. She might as well get it over with, get it done so she could go outside and stand by Calum without worrying about Paige figuring something out on her own. Paige’s gaze was heated, eyebrows already subtly knitting together like she knew she was about to hear something she wouldn’t like. Odessa had the unfortunate luck of being the one to deliver the news to her.

        But if it meant being with Calum without feeling as though something was holding her back, Odessa would see it through.

        “Calum and I—we’re together,” Odessa announced, her voice surprisingly steady. “We’ve been together for a few weeks now and I just—I thought you should know.”

        Okay, so she didn’t stumble over her words as much as she thought.

        “I’m sorry—what?” Paige laughed, and Odessa tried not to cringe at the expression on her face, at the disbelief that coated her tone. “You and Calum?” She raised an eyebrow, doubtful in its perfect arch. “Is that a joke?”

        Odessa’s eyebrows furrowed together, irritation that was reserved just for Paige sparking through her veins as she crossed her arms over her chest, wishing she wasn’t so obvious in her defensiveness as she asked evenly, “Why would that be a joke?”

        “Because—” Paige cut herself off with a laugh, that same disbelieving scoff of a laugh that grated at Odessa’s nerves. “I just can’t believe that you would go after him even after I made it clear I have a thing for him.”

        A thing. Odessa had half a mind to ask Paige what, exactly, this thing she had for Calum meant. Did Paige genuinely have feelings for him? Or was it just a physical attraction for her? The former had cause to make Odessa genuinely feel bad—but not entirely regretful—and the latter didn’t sprout an ounce of guilt on her part. But then Odessa felt as though it would just be insensitive to Paige to literally ask her what she meant, so she kept her mouth shut despite wanting to do the opposite.

I sincerely hope you’re not going to apologize to the girl for being in a relationship.

Her mom’s words echoed in her mind just as she parted her lips, and Odessa paused. No—she wasn’t going to apologize. Not when Paige, with her subtle yet digging comments and fake smiles, made Odessa feel less than. She did it back in college, and she still did it now. Odessa. . . She owed her nothing.

“Paige, I didn’t go after him with any shady intentions,” Odessa told her. “It just happened. We both like each other—a lot. Everything just happened on its own.”

Paige’s eyes narrowed, clearly not liking what she was hearing as Odessa mentally braced herself. She knew all of this was coming, knew Paige wouldn’t let this go quietly, but that didn’t mean Odessa wanted this conversation to drag out more than it needed to be. “We’re supposed to be friends, Odessa. You’re not even sorry for screwing me over like this? For going after the one guy I wanted?”

Odessa wanted to laugh. She really did. They were friends? In what fucking universe were they friends? Odessa recognized Paige’s tactics of trying to make her feel guilty, to get her to apologize, but Odessa steeled herself. She wasn’t going to tell Paige what she wanted to hear, she wasn’t going to quiet herself and submit to a woman who always tried to get her way without any regard for others. Paige wasn’t allowed to pull the friend card—not with Odessa.

“I didn’t screw you over,” Odessa returned, an edge creeping into her voice as her gaze hardened. Behind Paige, Odessa could just barely see everyone out on the beach through the open French doors, and she desperately wanted to go back out there. “And I’m not going to apologize for liking a guy who feels the same way about me.” With a shake of her head, Odessa challenged, “So why bother paying attention to someone who’s in a relationship? You can move on to someone else.”

“Oh, thanks so much for making that decision for me,” Paige snapped, a sarcastic, unkind smile on her face as she glared at Odessa, who, to her credit, didn’t flinch. “You seriously don’t see how fucked up this is?”

Odessa’s teeth hurt from how tightly they had been pressed together without her realization until she loosened her jaw. She could see the anger in Paige’s gaze, the disbelief—but nowhere in her eyes did Odessa see any kind of hurt or heartbreak. If Odessa had to take a guess, she’d say Paige was more pissed about the fact that Odessa was with Calum rather than truly upset or heartbroken over it. It made her believe that Paige’s attraction to him was only physical. And although Odessa had no right to deduce what Paige did or didn’t feel, she knew the girl well enough. She knew her guess was most likely the truth.

“Maybe it is fucked up,” Odessa said, chin lifting and arms still crossed. “But I’m still not going to apologize for my relationship. I just wanted you to know the truth about us so you’re not unknowingly flirting with someone’s boyfriend.” And making even more of a fool out of yourself.

A cruel smirk lifted Paige’s lips, raising her eyebrows as she challenged, “Jealous?”

Odessa was tempted to shake her head at the almost sad display of ill-placed confidence—or bitchiness. Instead, she offered a small smile. “No,” she said truthfully. “I know how Calum feels about me. As new as it is, I’m confident in our relationship to know I have nothing to worry about.”

It was a dig because Odessa couldn’t help herself, and she saw it hit its mark when Paige’s gaze hardened and her jaw popped. The indignant incredulity was clear on her face, and Odessa would be lying if satisfaction didn’t dance proudly throughout her veins. Despite being a well placed dig, Odessa’s words were true. Her and Calum’s relationship was built on the friendship they developed and trust, and she didn’t for a second doubt that what he felt for her matched in what she felt for him. Odessa knew she didn’t have anything to worry about, knew Calum was as in their relationship as she was.

Paige’s lips curled into a sneer, her hostility shining brightly as she spat, “You’re a shit friend, Odessa.”

Ah, there was that word again. Friend.

Odessa lifted her shoulder, Paige’s words having little to no effect on her. And that, Odessa realized, was something she loved. “I learned from the best,” was her simple response before she moved past her, done with the conversation. Maybe even done with her.

Paige’s affronted expression made Odessa’s satisfaction swell all the more as she walked past her and towards the beach, easily ignoring the glare she could feel Paige throwing at her back.

The salt in the air was a welcome reprieve as Odessa stepped outside, smiling over at Michael in his DJ booth, who waved at her with a grin, headphones on and tattooed fingers scrolling down his laptop. She found her way to Crystal by the drink table, and the blonde fixed Odessa a margarita before Odessa went to find Calum.

She found him easily enough, and Odessa felt relaxed when a smile quirked at Calum’s lips at the sight of her. And maybe he saw the easy going expression on her face, realized that being together wasn’t something they needed to hide—or maybe he was just on the same page as her, as always—because once she neared him, Calum held out his arm for her to step into his side. Odessa reveled in the feeling of his warmth seeping into hers, absently listening to the conversation he was part of as his cologne wrapped around her. He looked down at her, voice lowering as he asked, “All good?”

Odessa’s arm wrapped around his waist, hand rubbing at his upper back as she hummed quietly. “Yeah,” she answered just as softly, their hushed conversation drowned out by everyone’s chatter and the music playing. “Talked to Paige.”

Calum’s eyebrows shot up, brown eyes meeting her blue as his body turned towards her slightly. “How’d that go?”

She smiled wryly. “About as well as you’d expect. I think she wanted to actually fight me.”

Calum, who’d raised his can of White Claw to his mouth, pressed his lips together to suppress the startled laugh that was threatening to escape him, and Odessa’s smile widened in amusement. Now that her conversation with Paige was over, it was easier to smile about it—especially with Calum. It was easier to stand next to him, his arm around her, talking with people and just simply being there together.

She didn’t miss the looks the rest of their friends shot their way—knowing and grinning and suggestive—which only made Odessa both blush and laugh under her breath. It seemed as though none of them were surprised by her and Calum’s relationship, but they were clearly happy for them, and it warmed Odessa’s heart. It was a reminder that she really was surrounded by genuine friends, and she focused on that rather than the dark cloud Paige tried to cast over her.

Fortunately, Odessa didn’t see much of Paige as it neared midnight, which she was perfectly fine by. She enjoyed her time drinking and chatting with her friends—and more than admiring Calum while he and the boys decided to entertain the crowd for a bit by playing some music. Paige seemed to be lost in the crowd of people gathered, not that Odessa minded. She was all too focused on spending time with her friends—with Calum.

“Five minutes, guys!” Michael’s voice rang out, using the microphone connected to the speaker to amplify his voice, catching everyone’s attention.

There was an excited murmur following his words, and everyone joined together to towards the middle of where they were gathered, more so collectively in Michael and Crystal’s backyard rather than the beach it led towards. Calum and Odessa stood among their friends, her gaze snagging on Paige, who’d finally made an appearance and was standing a good distance away, several people in between them.

Odessa’s jaw clenched when Paige’s gaze met hers, and even in the night with people separating them, Odessa could make out the scowl Paige wore. And yet. . . She didn’t care. Her chest didn’t tighten in apprehension and her jaw didn’t clench in annoyance. Odessa simply didn’t care. Not when Calum was holding her close, his arm around her and hand on her hip. Odessa wouldn’t worry herself over stupid, petty things anymore. Especially not with Paige.

“Ten!” The countdown began, everyone around them buzzing with a new, excited energy, ready to welcome the new year.

“You know, you never told me what your New Year’s resolution was,” Calum mused as she stood next to him, his arm around her waist keeping her close.

Odessa blinked, realizing he was right. Calum’s own resolution, for this year, had been simple: he merely wanted to learn how to play drums and was going to ask Ashton to teach him. He’d told Odessa this as if it were no big deal, but he was a musician and Odessa liked how he was expanding his own abilities and skills in that field. It wasn’t something to brush off. “My resolution is. . .” Odessa trailed off, thinking of the last few months, a wry scoff escaping her. She looked up at Calum, the countdown around them continuing. “My resolution is to only view myself from my own eyes, and to not give other people the power to control who I am and how I act—or feel.”

It was a long time coming, this realization and applying it to who she was. Whether in big ways or subtle, Odessa had found herself viewing her self worth through the eyes of others, and it was about time she stopped doing that. From her father walking out on her and her mom to even the way Paige dismissively treated her—and all the little interactions she had with anyone else in between—Odessa had used those moments of her life as templates of how she should be treated. And it was wrong—she hated that she let others have that kind of power over her. She knew she didn’t deserve that—no one did. And with the coming year, Odessa was determined to be as uncaring of other people’s opinions, as confident in herself, as she could be.

Her confrontation with her dad, her little chat with Paige—those were just stepping stones in the right direction. Odessa refused to backtrack.

Calum looked down at her, a light shining in his dark eyes and a smile on his lips. Odessa could see the pride glimmering in his gaze and she smiled back. He wasn’t ever someone who made her feel like anything less than she was. “That’s a damn good one, Ms. Kline.”

She chuckled softly as everyone around her yelled, “Three. . . Two. . . One!”

Both Odessa and Calum raised their drinks along with everyone else, their voices melding together as they cheered, “Happy New Year!”

Odessa tilted her head up just as Calum leaned down, their smiling lips meeting for a kiss that Odessa instantly melted into. For the first time in a while, there was no weight pressing on Odessa’s chest, nothing holding her back from the person she wanted to be. For a brief moment, Odessa regretted not reaching this kind of attitude earlier, but she didn’t hold onto it as Calum pulled away with one last kiss before he pressed his lips to her temple and over the roar of the celebrating crowd, murmured a soft, “Happy New Year, Essa.”

She pressed close to him, taking his warmth and comfort for as long as she could before they broke away to hug and cheer with their friends. Odessa’s eyes closed, not wanting to see anyone in that moment except for hear Calum’s heart beating steadily under her ear, his familiar scent overpowering the salt of the air.

He hugged her close and Odessa smiled. Yes, it was a happy new year because in this moment, the smile came easily to her lips and everything felt right, something Odessa didn’t think she would completely feel when she moved to Los Angeles. But despite everything, there was contentment that settled over Odessa. And she had no intentions of losing it any time soon.

*****

        “When are you getting here? Paige’s been giving me the stink eye for the past fifteen minutes.”

        Odessa scoffed out a laugh at Calum’s complaint, shutting the door behind her before heading towards her car. “I’m literally getting into the car now. Just give her a nasty look of your own. You’ve got a solid bitch resting face.”

        “Uh, thank you?” Calum responded warily, which only Odessa laugh as she got into her car. Honestly, the idea of Paige looking at Calum in any way other than the way she used to was welcome to Odessa, but she didn’t like that he was feeling uncomfortable. Sometimes Paige just didn’t know when to stop, it seemed.

        “I’ll be there soon,” she said, hoping to keep that promise, though unsure if she would be able to given Los Angeles traffic. Calum was already at Ashton’s, seeing as he had been hanging out with Luke and he ended up getting a ride from the blonde. “Besides, you really think my presence is gonna make her stop? If anything, she’d glare even harder,” Odessa pointed out as she dropped her bag into the passenger seat.

        “Yeah, but at least then we’ll be together,” Calum cheekily responded, and although Odessa rolled her eyes, she still felt a warmth spread across her cheeks.

        She started the car. “Alright, alright, I’m on my way.”

        She could hear his smile. “See you soon, sweetheart.”

        The flutter in her chest was familiar as Odessa hung up the phone, but just as she went to lock the device and put it away, she stopped when a forgotten name popped up from her Facebook Messenger app. Her eyebrows pulled together as she remained seated in the driveway, the air conditioner cooling her skin as she clicked on the app.

        The message was from her college ex-boyfriend, a guy she dated during the last seven months of her last year. Her relationship with Will had been enjoyable and there was definitely a time where Odessa had thought she could love him for a long time. And she had loved him for the time they’d dated, but things hadn’t worked out, and he had broken up with her. It had hurt, no doubt, but Will had been nice about it, gentle almost, like he truly hadn’t wanted to hurt her, and although Odessa had mourned the end of their relationship, she was glad he hadn’t been an asshole about it like some of her past boyfriends tend to be.

        But why the hell was he messaging her now? Odessa used Facebook every now and again—mostly to upload pictures because her mom always told her to—and she’d forgotten that she and Will were still friends on it. She hadn’t spoken to him since they’d broken up, and that was, what, over three years ago?

        Still in the driveway of her house, Odessa opened the message and read what Will had to say.

Will: Hey, Odessa. I know it’s been a while since we talked and this probably caught you off guard. But I saw that you were back in LA and as cryptic as this may sound, I really need to talk to you. It’s important and I don’t think it’s something I can just tell you through a text. Do you think we could meet? Like, today?

        Odessa blinked once. Then twice. She stared at the message beneath lowered brows, bewildered over what he was saying. What the hell could he need to tell her that he couldn’t through a text? What was so important that he needed to see her right away?

        Despite her reservations, Odessa glanced at the time. She was meant to be at Ashton’s house, given that he was throwing—an albeit casual—dinner party. She was already going to be the last one to arrive, and Calum was expecting her. Odessa rolled her lips into her mouth. Curiosity itched at her, wondering what Will had to say. She had no reason to be wary of him; he was a nice guy, from what she knew and experienced. Chewing on her lip, she typed a response.

Odessa: Hi, Will. Yeah, been a long time. I’m actually on my way to the valley to a friend’s house, if you’re anywhere around there? If not, you can just tell me through here or we can meet tomorrow?

        His response was quick, surprising Odessa by telling her that he was actually already in the valley, in a café that Odessa realized was literally on her way to Ashton’s house. Will said he’d wait for her and she let out a breath, pulling out of the driveway and calling Calum, putting him on speaker as she drove.

        “Are you here yet?” was how Calum chose to greet her.

        She smiled briefly. “No—and I think I’m gonna be a little later than I thought.”

        “Everything okay?”

        Odessa took a breath before quickly telling Calum about Will and the message he sent, and how she was going to meet up with him really quickly before getting to Ashton’s. When she finished, Odessa realized that Calum was as curious as her to find out about Will’s message. “What do you think he has to tell you?”

        “No clue,” Odessa said, huffing out a breath. “But I’ll fill you in once I know. Sorry you’re gonna have to deal with Paige by yourself for a little while longer.”

        Calum let out a long, dramatic sigh. “I’ll try to survive,” he answered sagely, prompting Odessa to laugh. “Just find out what Will wants and then, if you can, spill the tea.”

        Odessa’s nose wrinkled, another laugh bubbling out of her as she stopped at a red light. “Spill the tea?” she repeated. “You realize you’re totally playing into every teacher stereotype of trying to stay cool with the kids,” Odessa teased.

        “Fuck you, I am cool,” Calum said, the sounds of their friends in the background just barely heard. “I’m the coolest teacher in that entire school.”

        Odessa raised an eyebrow, though she knew he couldn’t see her. “Excuse me?”

        A pause. Then Calum said, “After you, of course, sweetheart.”

        She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, nice save,” Odessa scoffed. “Anyways, I’ll see you at Ash’s and fill you in.”

        “Yes, ma’am.”

        Odessa turned on the radio to keep herself distracted instead of wondering about what Will, after three years of seeing each other, could have to say to her. She genuinely couldn’t think of any reason, and wondered if she should be worried or not as she headed towards the café he’d told her he’d meet her at. Odessa recognized it as one that Ashton said he often went to on his morning walks, and realized his place wasn’t too far from the café as she parked her car in an open space.

        Taking a breath, Odessa got out and walked into the somewhat busy café, and it took her a second to recognize Will, sitting at a table for two by the window. His blonde hair was a lot shorter, but he was still handsome. Her stomach didn’t flutter at the sight of him like it had once long ago as she walked towards him, catching the moment he looked up from his cup of coffee and recognized her as well.

        “Hey, Odessa, you look good,” he greeted kindly, a small—almost nervous—smile on his face as Odessa took the seat across from him.

        “Thank you—you do, too,” she answered truthfully, gaze involuntarily dropping to his hand. Her eyebrows shot up, a small smile on her lips. “You got married?”

        Will glanced down at the silver band before nodding, a smile on his face. “A year ago, yeah.”

        “Congratulations,” Odessa said, feeling a bit stiff backed as she held her purse on her lap. Cutting to the chase as her curiosity got to her, she asked, “What was so important that you had to see me right away, Will, after so long?”

        A hesitant shadow crossed over Will’s face. “What I want to tell you. . . You’re probably—actually, definitely—going to hate me for it and, although you don’t have any reason to trust me, you need to know I hate that I waited so long to tell you.”

        His words had Odessa frowning in even deeper confusion. She had no reason to trust him? What was he talking about?

        “Do you remember when we broke up?” Odessa blinked at his question, feeling her shoulders tense as her blue eyes met his own. “I told you it was because I didn’t see us working out in the long run but the truth is. . .” Will’s grip on his mug tightened, knuckles whitening as his eyebrows drew together. One look at him, and Odessa knew whatever he needed to say seemed to pain him. “The truth is, I fucked up. And I needed to end our relationship before I hurt you any more than I already had.”

        Odessa was frowning, feeling an unfamiliar tightness in her chest, lips parting as she started, confused, “Will. . .”

        “I saw your pictures on Facebook,” he continued quickly, as though if he didn’t say what he needed to now, he wouldn’t be able to get it out otherwise. “And I saw that you were hanging out with Paige again, and knowing her, she didn’t tell you what happened.” Odessa’s breath caught at the mention of her, and her mind quickly began making deductions, was coming to a quick realization of what Will could have to say. “When you and I were still together—Paige and I. . . We hooked up a couple of times.” No. “It was towards the end of our relationship, but that doesn’t matter because it shouldn’t have happened at all. And I’m really sorry, Odessa, for disrespecting you like that. I was stupid and I hate that I did that. But I thought you deserved to know the truth, especially since you’re always around Paige without knowing the truth.”

        The noise of the café was nothing but a background ringing in Odessa’s ears as she stared at Will, parted lips and unblinking eyes, his words settling into her heavily. He had cheated on her. And maybe something was wrong with Odessa, but she didn’t feel the sting she knew she for sure would have had she found this out at the moment it happened. And although it was innately wrong that she was finding out years later—innately wrong that it happened at all—Odessa found her anger not entirely directed towards Will, but towards Paige.

        That hypocritical bitch.

        Will was definitely in the wrong and Odessa understood that. Their relationship may not have been perfect, but that didn’t give him the right to find comfort and pleasure in someone else while he was still her boyfriend. But Odessa had run out of any grief she had over the end of their relationship. It hurt, of course, knowing that she had been cheated on, and she felt a bit like a fool for being oblivious to the fact for three years. But Will was her past, there was no room for him in her life anymore, and she knew it was mutual. His betrayal didn’t sting as much anymore.

        Not the way Paige’s did. Because even though they weren’t close or good friends by any means, even though Paige had her faults and flaws and bothered Odessa to no end, Odessa hadn’t expected this from her.

        What boiled her blood the most was that Paige had the fucking nerve to bitch out Odessa for being with Calum—someone Paige had no relationship with other than a tentative friendship—while she had been the one to hook up with Odessa’s boyfriend in the past.

        What in the ever-loving fuck?

        Odessa wasn’t sure what happened next, how she ended up from being in the café to being in her car. She vaguely recalled Will saying he didn’t expect her forgiveness, not that Odessa was jumping at the opportunity to hand it to him, and she kind of remembered just sort of. . . Numbly thanking Will for telling her the truth, at least.

        She got into her car and, God, she was angry. She was hurt and she was embarrassed, but she wasn’t sad—no, she was just pissed the hell off that Paige had been belittling her in far more severe ways than Odessa could’ve ever imagined. She was outraged that this woman, who constantly played the friend card against Odessa, had been doing so while giving a big fuck you to Odessa and her relationship with Will.

        Odessa’s skin felt hot, the anger boiling her blood as she drove to Ashton’s house, teeth aching from how hard she was clenching them, knuckles whitening from her grip on the steering wheel. More than anything, Odessa wanted to scream at Paige, to tell her how fucking sick and tired of her she was, because even though this shit with Will happened years ago, Odessa has had enough. Paige wasn’t her friend. She never had been. And Odessa was itching to get rid of her from her life for good.

        She was done being nice to people who didn’t deserve it.

        When Odessa parked her car in front of Ashton’s house, she took a minute before going inside, trying to relax her breathing. She wasn’t about to create a scene in front of all of her friends at Ashton’s place. It would take a tremendous amount of willpower, but Odessa was going to try and hold off confronting Paige until they were alone. Although, the idea of letting everyone in that house know what kind of person Paige was, was highly tempting.

        Finally, after pulling herself together, Odessa walked into the house, hearing the sounds of everyone’s lively chatter come from the living room as she entered. “Hey, guys, sorry I’m late,” she said by way of greeting, catching all of their attention.

        She was answered with everyone greeting their hello’s and Ashton saying, “Don’t worry about it. You’re right on time.”

        It seemed that food was just being served, and as everyone got up to fill up their plates, a comforting presence was by Odessa’s side as Calum said, “Hi, doll.”

        Some of the weight on her chest lifted as he smiled down at her, and Odessa relaxed enough to tilt her head back and welcome his greeting kiss. But Calum must’ve felt that something was off because he pulled away, everyone already moving towards the dining room as he asked her with a gentle frown, “You okay?”

        She wasn’t going to lie to him. “Not really,” she answered and as soon as those words were uttered, Odessa’s gaze snagged with Paige’s, who was standing in the entryway that joined the dining room and living room chatting with Michael. Her hazel eyes met Odessa’s blue, and she watched as Paige unapologetically glared at her. The sight renewed the fire in Odessa’s blood, her own scowl forming, unafraid of sending her a dirty look back. It deepened Paige’s frown, as though she hadn’t expected it, before looking away.

        Calum, who never missed anything, raised his eyebrows as he kept his gaze on Odessa. “Whoa, that was a little murderous. What’s up, Odessa?”

        She needed food. It wouldn’t calm her down, but it may keep her distracted for now. “I’ll tell you later,” she promised, blue eyes meeting his concerned brown. “I’m hungry.”

        Odessa could feel Calum’s gaze on her, but he didn’t persist as they gathered around the table to get food. Ashton wasn’t much of a cook, so he’d ordered food from a pizza place and a Thai place, and Odessa found herself filling her plate up with some noodles and rice and chicken. After swiping up a beer, Odessa found a place on the ground next to Calum, most of the couches and chairs occupied, not that she minded.

        For the most part, Odessa stayed quiet as she ate and everyone around her chatted, keeping her attention on her plate because she knew if she looked up, she’d see Paige sitting on the recliner opposite of her. And then if she saw her, Odessa wasn’t entirely sure if she could stop herself from dumping her plate atop Paige’s head.

        But they barely got five minutes into eating their food when Paige’s voice broke through the conversations going on among them. “Ugh, I need to heat up my food,” she grunted, getting up from the recliner, gaze briefly yet patronizingly meeting Odessa’s. “It’s cold since we had to wait to eat.”

        The comment was unnecessary and solely for baiting, but Odessa was waiting for Paige to open her mouth. She saw the exasperated look Luke shot Paige, but Odessa kept her gaze on the other woman as she coldly said, “At least you learned to wait. You didn’t seem to care much about it when you hooked up with my boyfriend in college.”

        Silence. Absolute silence fell around them as Odessa felt Calum stiffen next to her, but she kept her gaze on Paige, who froze where she stood. Odessa could feel everyone’s gaze on them, but she didn’t care. She merely, coolly, looked on at Paige, pettily eager to see her try to get out of this one. Unable to say anything, Paige settled for a pathetic, “Excuse me?”

        “Do I need to refresh your memory?” Odessa asked, getting up to her feet, raising an eyebrow. “You need to be reminded how you slept with Will, who was my boyfriend at the time?”

        Paige’s nostrils flared, clearly not liking the fact all of the attention was on her because of this topic. Her grip on her plate tightened as she said through clenched teeth, “That was years ago, Odessa.”

        Was she kidding? “That’s not the point,” Odessa snapped, no longer caring for putting a leash on her anger. The idea of not losing her control of her outrage in front of her friends, of not creating a scene, was out the window. And if doing this right here, right now, meant that her friends would get to see what kind of a person Paige was, Odessa was fine with that. She was done cowering because of that woman. “The point is that you’ve been acting like we’re friends from the moment we met and you’ve used that to push me around—and I’ve been an idiot to let you until now.” With a scoff, Odessa added, “You were never my friend to begin with.”

        Everyone was silent—it was as if they weren’t even in the room. Paige glared at Odessa as she said, “What’re you crying about it now for? You’re not that great of a friend either, Odessa.” With a sharp gesture towards Calum, she snapped, “You won.”

        If possible, Odessa was even more pissed. Although Calum and Will had something to do with the situation overall, they were not the main cause of it. The main cause was Paige—it always had been. “Everything’s a fucking game with you, isn’t it?” Odessa retorted sharply, eyes narrowing as she walked around the table, feeling everyone’s eyes tracking her movements. God, Odessa couldn’t even be embarrassed about creating a scene—she was too angry. “Relationships aren’t something to win or lose at. Putting others down to make yourself seem more important isn’t something to be proud of, Paige. When are you going to grow up?” Her blood was boiling and her skin was hot, throat burning from the raging fire that brewed. “I’m not ashamed to admit that you’ve made me feel like shit ever since I’ve known you, but I’m telling you—I’m done with you. You go around calling people your friends, but the truth of the matter is, your so-called friendships only exist to heighten your own sense of self-worth. And you’re not going to find that with me.”

        Her words—her rant, really—was followed by a deafening silence, not even the sound of anyone’s breathing interrupting the tense air that seemed to suffocate them all. Odessa’s sharp, heated eyes remained fixated on Paige, and as disappointing as it was, it was also unsurprising to see a lack of regret or apology in Paige’s gaze. No, of course she wasn’t sorry. Owning up to her mistakes would be out of character for Paige, wouldn’t it?

        Some people just never changed.

        And Paige, with her hard eyes and down curled lips, ignoring everyone’s troubled and disturbed looks, wasn’t about to prove Odessa otherwise.

--

tags: @irwinkitten @loveroflrh @meetashthere @astroashtonio @hereforlukescruff @loverofhood @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbabiesss @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @malumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream​ @babylon-corgis​ @lukehemmingsunflower​ @miss-saltwatercowgirl​ @pastelpapermoons​ @conquerwhatliesahead92​ @rotten-kandy​ @neigcthood​ @ohhmuke​ @mindkaleidoscope​ @5sos-and-hessa​ @trustmeimawhalebiologist​ @vxlentinecal​ @pettybassists​ @vaporshawn​ @lu-my-golden-boi​ @visualm3nte​ @isabella-mae13​ @dontjinx-it​ @lifeakaharry​ @neonweeknds​ @antisocialbandmate​ @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave​ @calpalbby​ @grreatgooglymoogly​ @sunnysidesblog​ @miahelizaaabeth​ @dramallamawithsparkles​ @kaytiebug14​ @hoodskillerqueen​ @bitchinbabylon​ @empathycth​ @xhaileyreneex​ @tpwkcalum​ @sublimehood​ @madbomb​ @raabiac​ @britnicole11​ @outofmylimitcal​ @wildflower-cth​ @wildflowergrae​ @bloodmoonashton​ @vxidhood​ @gosh-im-short​ @notinthesameguey​ @mycollectionofnuts​ @cthwldflwr​ @everyscarisahealingplace​ @socorroann​ @talkfastromance4​ @calumftduke​ @musichoney​ @treatallwithkindness​ @partlysunnycal​ @dead-and-golden​ @kaeleykaeley​ @harrys-sun-flower​ @br-hoe​  @spaceshipsmixtape​ @zhangyixingxing1​ 

[mermaidcashton]

all the pretty girls

author: claire (@mermaidcashton) ship/AU: calum hood/luke hemmings, genderswap!AU prompt: “Kissing you is all I’ve thought about since the moment we met.”  wordcount: 1519 warnings: swearing, hint of sexual content  dedication: this one is for gay!sos group chat, and all the other wlw 5sos fans 💘 a/n: • so, i wanted wlw!5sos and established relationship, self-indulgent, domestic cuteness and i...think i have achieved that? lol • written for @maluminspace & @h0tsos​ ‘s 5sos fic writers collab (in which we all chose from a list of AU’s and had the above prompt quote to include - i will share the masterlist for you to see everyone elses when it’s finished!) • i do not give permission for this (or any of my writing) to be reposted, by anyone, on this or any other website. please don’t do it! • title from ‘honey’ by kehlani 

all the pretty girls ***

all the pretty girls in the world but i'm in this space with you 

***

“Kissing you is all I’ve thought about since the moment we met.” “Oh!” Luke gasped, burying her head further into Calum’s shoulder. Calum was bemused. “Haven’t you seen this movie like ten times?” “Fuck,I think I’ve seen this movie ten times.” Calum would be seriously questioning her life choices if she hadn’t taken into account that every time she’d ever watched it, she’d had the hottest woman she’d ever met pressed against her. That seriously balanced the scales of shitty cinema, in Calum’s opinion. 

“It’s just so cute.” Luke sniffed. Calum pretended not to notice her wiping her nose on Calum’s sleeve; she looked cute enough in it to get away with almost anything.

Right now Luke was wearing avocado print pyjama shorts and Calum’s Santa Cruz sweatshirt (despite owning at least 300 separate items of clothing, in Calum’s most conservative estimations), with her blonde hair in a messy bun and the beginnings of a snotty nose. Her eyelashes were glossy with the tears she’d brushed away, and Calum thought she’d still be willing to watch every straight-to-video 00’s rom com ever made as long as it was what Luke wanted. 

“Does this seriously not make you emotional? He gave up Paris for her! Paris, Calum!” Luke whined, craning her neck to look up at Calum from her position under her arm, her lithe body laid across the sofa.  

Calum smirked. “Come on, babe; you know ‘Wall-E’ is the only movie that makes me feel anything.”

Luke rolled her eyes, but giggled all the same before pressing on insistently.  “It’s so romantic, though. Isn’t this the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard?” “No?” Calum scoffed, settling back against the mountain of cushions that seemed to grow every time they went to Ikea. Then it struck her. “Hang on, are you saying that’s the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard?!” 

“Yeah…” Luke let out another dreamy sigh before stilling almost imperceptibly. Oh, shit.

“What?!” Calum said, already looking more indignant than the time Luke had accidentally cheered for Arsenal insead of Liverpool (“Your Liverpool shirt is red, Calum! What the hell is an away kit?! I hate football!”). “Obviously I wasn’t includi-” Luke tried to recover, but Calum was too far gone. “I write the sickest anniversary cards! My last Valentine’s Day card to you? Fuckin’ poetry, Luke! I mean, not literally because that’s lame as fuck, but I am romantic as shit!”

Calum knew that generally speaking, people would consider Luke to be the more romantic in the relationship. Everyone who lived within 5 miles of their apartment had probably heard Luke tell Calum she loved her, or seen her entwine their hands, or pout her lips for a kiss she had to have right that second, at least twice. She was more prone to posting photos of Calum on Instagram with captions that ranged from sweet to thirsty as hell. Every time she attempted to bake for Calum, it would almost always be using a heart-shaped mould or cutter she’d found at the pound shop down the street. And at Calum’s gigs, everyone always knew exactly where she was in the crowd because Luke was yelling about the incredibly sexy bassist with the best basslines in the history of bass at every possible moment. 

However, Calum thought her own brand of romance of just as valid, and Luke seemed to like it. Calum was a fan of surprising Luke with flowers, albeit wild bouquets of sunflowers and daisies rather than roses or peonies (“Wildflowers for my Wildflower.”), and of playing records on vinyl that she thought Luke would like - or that reminded her of her girlfriend - while they ate a dinner Calum had made from scratch because she’d seen a recipe online that she knew Luke would love. Calum also trusted Luke in a way that was rare for her, and lying in the dark of the their bedroom, speaking out loud things she’d never told anyone - childhood memories of her parents messy divorce, her deepest fears, greatest dreams, biggest secrets - whilst her girlfriend rubbed comforting circles over her hip and placed gentle kisses on her shoulder, felt intimate and special in a way Calum hoped Luke felt was romantic. And like she said - her card writing skills were sick.     

Luke sat up on the sofa, freeing herself from underneath Calum’s arm. She clicked the pause button on the remote, dropping it onto the rug as she threw her hands up in surrender. “I’m sorry, I take it back; you are the most romantic I only meant in, like, movies and stuff! Obviously you are the most romantic and beautiful and I love you!”

Calum sniffed, trying to keep her sad face on without breaking. “Obviously not, as I don’t have a European city to not go to for you…”  Luke saw her girlfriend’s mouth twitch at the corner. Right. She tucked her long legs underneath herself, settling back on the sofa as she spoke. “Like I said, I take it back - I was wrong.” 

Calum could count on one hand the amount of time she had heard Luke say those three words during their relationship, and was ready to celebrate a substantial victory, until she clocked the smile spreading across Luke’s face that spelled trouble.

Luke continued in a purposely casual voice. “The actual most romantic thing I’ve ever heard was on our third date, when you drank all those daiquiris and told me that one day you were gonna ‘fucking wife me’.” Calum groaned and tried to sink back into the sofa so it could swallow her whole; this plan was thwarted by all the Ikea cushions.

“Shut up, that wasn’t me. You must have me confused with your other girlfriend. I don’t even drink daiquiris.” Luke’s distinctive laugh filled Calum’s ears; she loved that sound (it was in her top 3 sounds that Luke made), but right now she felt so embarrassed at the memory of her nerves getting the better of her in a Tapas restaurant that she couldn’t really enjoy it.

“Maybe not anymore! But Ashton told me how much of the morning after you spent with your head in the toilet, so I guess it makes sense you gave them up.” Luke teased, her blue eyes bright with mischief.

“I hate Ashton.” Calum mumbled, with nowhere near as much heat as was currently in her cheeks.

Luke’s giggles had taken on a unmistakable air of victory; Calum could not let this stand.

“Right, that’s it; we’re watching ‘Pulp Fiction’!” Calum declared, leaning down to feel around on the floor in the dimly lit living room for the remote where Luke had abandoned it. “Noooo!” Luke whined, reaching out to grab Calum’s wrists as she rose in triumph. “Cal!” She pouted as she missed entirely. It had always made Calum laugh when Luke tried to overpower her in any way; she was clumsy, and she wasn’t quick or strong enough to get the jump on Calum, unless she cheated (which she often did). In the past, Calum had hoped Luke wouldn’t notice the way she clenched her thighs together when the blonde would wiggle against her, bite her lip, whine or pant. Inevitably, as their relationship had continued, Luke had become fully aware of the effect she had on Calum, and now employed her sexuality as a weapon against Calum whenever she deemed it necessary. Nowadays, she tended to cut to the chase, as she was now. Calum barely registered the remote being extracted from her slackening grip as Luke held the grey sweatshirt and her cropped pyjama top up above her chin with one hand. She did register Luke’s small but perfectly formed tits, and wondered briefly what they had been talking about. Luke didn’t let her clothes drop back down to cover her breasts until she’d already unpaused the movie and stashed the remote underneath the armrest on her side of the sofa. 

“That...was savage.” Calum deadpanned, shaking her head as she clambered to her feet. Luke put on her most innocent smile (which was not that innocent if you knew her as well as Calum did). “Do you want another drink?” “Yes please, gorgeous.” Luke replied with her eyes still fixed to the screen, her lips moving in the time with the actress on screen with the dodgy bangs. Calum rolled her eyes fondly before making her way to their small kitchen in search of rosé.

She didn’t notice it until she closed the fridge again, but Luke had responded. 

Earlier in the day, Luke had used their alphabet fridge magnets to spell out ‘BUY MORE MILK’. Upon seeing this just after lunch, Calum had immediately checked she had the right letters to arrange the obvious reply; ‘NO FUCK U’, giggling to herself the whole time she’d been doing it. She let out a snort, picking up the personalised wine glasses Michael had gifted them when they moved in together. She set off back towards the living room, idly thinking about what movie she was going to demand they put on when this torture was over.

‘NO U’.

***

my masterlist   • please let me know what you think of wlw!cake and if you would like to see more of them here!

[bunnymcbunnister]

SPN Season 15 Spoiler Sheet Update 10/19

I put the general spoilers at the end because it was bogging the whole thing down, so if you are looking for those, keep scrolling. 

DISCLAIMER: This is gathered info from various sources. This is not confirmed information. Stuff in this WILL be wrong. Don’t take this too seriously. This is for fun. Also, if you use this info for another publication, please let me know as a courtesy. Don’t be a dick. It's all out there, but it hurts to see my same phrasing on other publications after all the work I’ve done to consolidate it…  

Episode 15x16

Title: Drag Me Away (From You)

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: FLASHBACK TO A YOUNG SAM AND DEAN – Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Dean (Jensen Ackles) are asked to investigate the murder of a childhood friend, calling them back to a motel from their past and perplexing the brothers with a case they thought was solved a long time ago. Amyn Kaderali directed the episode written by Meghan Fitzmartin (#1516). Original airdate 10/22/2020.

Written by: Megan Fitzmartin

Director: Amyn Kaderali

Filming Dates: 2/6-2/17

Airdate: October 22nd

Photos:https://www.thetvaddict.com/2020/10/16/supernatural-photos-s15e16-drag-me-away-from-you/

Promo: https://youtu.be/ayOy8gEr4wo

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? I’m starting to think no? Jack ? not sure either. 

Guest stars: IMDB credits Lisa Berry (Billie/Death) as well as Young Sam, Young Dean and both grown and young Caitlyn

Other Spoilers/info:

Alex got a cast of his face around the filming of this- so this ep or the one after

They filmed at Rooster’s Sunrise Hotel for 3 days/nights

From TVLine- “It worked not only as a case right now, but also as something that informed the journey Sam and Dean have taken, where they started as kids, how they kind of came together and then how that has [led up] to the point that they are, emotionally, when the episode airs. So it ended up being a really good reflection of our guys now, telling a story about our guys then, which, to me, are always the best versions of those types of flashback stories.”

From EW-  "We see the case that kind of brought them together as hunters," Dabb says of the episode, "the first case young Sam and young Dean worked together to a conclusion."

Episode 15x17

Title: Unity

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: ONE WAY OR ANOTHER – Dean (Jensen Ackles) hits the road with Jack (Alexander Calvert) who needs to complete a final ritual in the quest to beat Chuck (guest star Rob Benedict). A difference of opinion leaves Sam (Jared Padalecki) and Castiel (Misha Collins) behind looking for answers to questions of their own. Catriona McKenzie directed the episode written by Meredith Glynn (#1517). Original airdate 10/29/2020.

Written by: Meredith Gylnn

Director: Catrion McKenzie

Filming Dates: 2/19-2/28

Airdate: Oct 29th

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? yes Jack ? yes

Guest stars: Rob benedict and Emily Sparrow IMDB credits Robert Wisdom (Uriel)

Other Spoilers/info:

Chuck and Amara trailers were seen on set when filming in a garden

Jensen was in NOLA Friday, possible Monday

“Uriel” was around for filming (Post COVID update: Misha seemed to indicate that this was because the actor was nearby filming? Not sure if this is to cover up the spoiler or the truth)

Alex and Jensen filmed in the impala

Episode 15x18

Title: Despair (it was The Truth at some point I think)

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: RICHARD SPEIGHT, JR. DIRECTS – With the plan in full motion, Sam (Jared Padalecki), Dean (Jensen Ackles), Castiel (Misha Collins) and Jack (Alexander Calvert) fight for the good of the common goal. Richard Speight, Jr. directed the episode written by Robert Berens (#1518). Original airdate 11/5/2020. 

Written by: BOBO

Director: Speight

Filming Dates: 3/2--3/11

Airdate: Nov 5th

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? yes Jack ? yes

Guest stars:  IMDB credits Billie

Other Spoilers/info:

Misha and Alex filmed near the impala. J2 showed up later that night. This was the source of the “last time they all filmed on set” photo

A really emotional scene was filmed with Misha and Jensen. Jared was definitely not there, but Alex was on the flight they took with Rich, so its possible he was too. This was revealed at a con in which the four of them were on a plane that had an in-flight problem.

Filming watchers saw a bro hug

Tape Ball posted a shot of field that looks like where dean came back from hell

Misha indicated this was his “favorite episode” in a recent interview

From EW- Ackles, having recently done ADR on episode 18, says he had forgotten how "monumental" the hour is.

Episode 15x19

Title: Inherit the Earth

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: bucklelimg

Director: John Showalter

Filming Dates:: 3/12-3/23/cancelled for COVID and then 8/18-8/27

Airdate: Nov 12th

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? unknown Jack ? yes

Guest stars: Jake Abel (Micheal), Mark Pelligrino (Lucifer) 

Other Spoilers/info:

Production shut down as a precaution for coronavirus on 3/13, two days into filming. It is scheduled to start again on Aug 18th. 

Jensen indicated there might be some re-writes for this ep to account for COVID protocols.

When they started filming, they indicated they were on day two. So maybe they could only use some of the scenes they shot? Then they added an extra day all called it day 9. COVID protocols makes things take longer 

AlCal was definitely on set. 

Jake Abel was definitely on set, and he posted an instagram story with his trailer and Lucifer’s (Mark Pelligrino)

Some filming was done at a gas station called Showalter’s (name of the director) with Jared, Jensen, and Alex

Jake “Spoiler King” Abel filmed a video showing chairs for Jared, Jensen, and Alex as well as Rob Benedict (Chuck/God). They were filming near a lake with a mountain view (that looked similar to where Cas died in season 13)

Rob Benedict posted it was his last day in Vancouver, indicating we won't see Chuck past this episode? Or very very briefly in 20? Jake Abel posted a similar message, also baiting fans about Misha’s whereabouts 

Scene “28” took several days and seemed to go across both 19 and 20? So they might have done some combo filming?

 Episode 15x20

Title: Carry On

OFFICIAL SYNOPSIS: 

Written by: Dabb

Director: Bob Singer

Filming Dates: 8/28- 9/10  

Airdate: November 19th

Photos: 

Promo:

Sneak Peak:

Castiel ? maaaaybe? Jack ? maaaaybe?

Guest stars: Jim Beaver

Other Spoilers/info:

Jensen indicated filming would take two weeks, longer than usual (looks like a 9 day shoot, with a day off for Labor Day)

According to Superwiki, 9/3 was the last day on the bunker set, the final days are on location. 

Scene “28” took several days and seemed to go across both 19 and 20? So they might have done some combo filming?

Filming locations seemed to include a barn (pic with a stunt guy showed wooden walls and straw) and a lake (not the mountain lake from 19), and a forest. Filming signs spotted at Lower Seymour Conservation Reserve. 

Jim Beaver confirmed his appearance on Twitter

There was a pic of J2 with baby on a bridge. Baby had her original plates. They seem to be wearing the same clothes they were in the pilot. There may be grey (??) In their hair, but that could be lighting

Misha posted some creation videos, saying he had been on an impromptu camping trip. He was back in his house. They were posted on the last day of filming and he had pretty decent scruff. He also mentioned that it was the last day of filming and he wasn't up there. 

The show officially wrapped at 6:25 on 9/10

Jared said “the last time Sam and Dean see each other is the last time Jared and Jensen film together” but seem to imply that was not the final scene? It was a confusing answer to a question about filming the final scene. 

IMDB credits a vampire?

 General Info (oldest to newest). This is a blend of pre-COVID and post COVID, so some might change. 

Misha will be in 15 out of 20 episodes this season (he’s missed 4 so far. Unclear about 16, 19, and 20). 

JaxCon/Vegas Con spoilers: 

Misha said the ending was “happier than he expected” but also had some sadness. He later used “sad and redemptive”

Dean says the line “stop killing my people” (to god?)

Jensen said he doesn’t see how the story could continue past this season, but Jared said its more of “a see you later” (in more recent interviews, Dabb seems to shut that down completely)

Al Cal posted a pic of a “thrown away” call sheet that seems to indicate Micheal, Lucifer, and a character named “Betty” interacting in the bunker. Unclear as to the validity, could be from 19 based on casting 

Charlie (original flavor) will return

Filming resumed on Aug 18th. Per Canadian policy, they must quarantine for two weeks. Those quarantining seemed to include:

Fairly Clear: Jared, Jensen, Jake Abel (Micheal), Rob Benedict (Chuck/God) Mark Pelligrino (Lucifer), Al Cal (didn't need to quarantine, but he is definitely on set), Jim Beaver (Bobby)

Unclear/Rumored: Misha (he is being deliberately cagey), Osric Chau (Kevin- but likely for another project, he was a week ahead of everyone else)

Reasons Unlikely: Sam Smith (chemo treatment), Kim Rhodes (working at a camp during quarantine), Ruth Connell (posted from Malibu the entire time)

No idea: Shoshannah Stern 

Jensen said sp 19 is more of a season finale, while 20 is a series finale. Repeated in interviews/livestreams. 

Jensen indicated that the ending did change per COVID protocols. Later interviews confirmed this, but it seemed to indicate the changes were in regards to how many people filmed at once (crowd scenes, recurring characters returning)

Misha is being very, very cagey about where he was. Some live streams seem to indicate he is not at home, but he has yet to confirm- his presence in 19/20 is hard to track. In an interview with Metaverse, he was in bed in a hotel looking space and you could see mountains in the background. He was not on set for the first week of filming, so he could be a week behind. 

Misha has thrown around the words “final”  and “what he <Misha> would have wanted” per Cas’ ending. “Sad/Proud” and “poignant” were also used. His latest line is “sad but satisfying”

The finale will air Nov 19th in conjunction with an hour long special. 

Dabb confirmed to TV line the episode 19/20 explanation Jensen’s mentioned- For the most part, we wrap up a big chunk of our mythology in Episode 19,Episode 20 is more character-based and is more concerned with Sam, Dean and this family they’ve built around them than it is with figuring out the Case of the Week.

When talking about the lightheartedness of returning on ep 14, Dabb said deeply depressing and upsetting episodes are coming (USAToday). He also said we would see “new sides” of Jack, Cas, and Billie. A revisit of Chuck and Amara’s “sibling issues” as well is on tap. Jared said sacrifices are coming. 

From TV Line-  re the battle with Chuck. Allies will return, but was repeated several times in the article that is comes down to Sam and Dean. Jack will struggle with getting his soul back but will be helped by Cas. 

It was confirmed there will be no appearances by mamma and papa Winchester, possible due to COVID. (TVLine). 

According to ET there will be lots of “Easter Eggs” in the finale from early episodes. TV Line furthered that by Jared confirming Sam and Dean “in the way they began”

One singular interview asked about Cas and Jack (SyFy) and we got this “Cas has had a very long evolution on this show, but an evolution to an emotionally healthy place, which is generally speaking not something we do a ton. It means someone is at least emotionally healthy on this show.” Jack will be dealing with having a soul and the mistakes he made, particularly Mary. 

A trailer was released on 8/27. Scenes included (taken out as shown to save space

A moving speech from Sam to Dean

A teary conversation between Dean and Cas

Injured Dean being helped by Cas in the bunker

Ghost Dean? Little Sam cutting off a hand

Some intermixed scenes from past episodes

https://youtu.be/d5AzUa5zABI

A second trailer was released on 8/31. Scenes included:

A monologue from Billie about god coming to destroy the planet plus her banging on a bunker door (with her hand all gooey) and striking someone with her scythe

Jack continuing his speech about killing god but expanding that he has a ritual to do

Chuck in the bunker/Chuck saying he doesn't believe Sam and Dean can kill him

Young Sam and not ghost Young dean

Dean angrily driving the Impala then saying “its time”

More Dean tears

A surprise appearance from Bobby

Some of the same scenes as before

https://youtu.be/mBTwCWkOFKw

A third trailer was released on 9/24. It was a rehash of the other two, but a new new scenes included: ttps://youtu.be/7oVO9BdADnQ

A Shaving People, Punting Things trailer was released on 10/2. Scenes included:

Dean in a bar with a blond woman

Sam by the mountain lake with facial wounds

Team Free Will 2.0 in  a bunker corridor, Jack looking injured (?)

Sam, Dean, and Jack walking down a street/later in a church/in the Impala

Sad Dean in the dungeon/Sad Sam drinking and knocking over a book

Sad Jack and Cas leaning on the Impala

Scattered shot of Sad Sam and Dean (drinking in the bunker, learning against the Impala)

Sam/Donna hug

Dean entering a motel room

Amara looking blissful

Dean giving Sam an encouraging face pat

Billie choking Cas

Sam in Death’s library, hurting

Billie swinging a scythe

Many behind the scenes shots, including one of Felicia Day (Charlie)

https://youtu.be/yex3jbuf8Mo

[sunny-sos]

5SOS Hogwarts Houses

Ok here’s the deal I’ve been thinking ALL DAY randomly about the guys hogwarts houses and I know everyone has their opinions on who’s it what house but like there’s strong arguments for all the houses and I’m just going to break it down by house because what else am I going to do

Also I kind of interpreted the houses how I felt like so sorry if I deviate from canon or anything I do what want lol

SLYTHERIN

Ok so let’s start here

I mean I would say they are all pretty ambitious right? 

 I think they all are little shits at times too like lets be real

I have a lot of thoughts on slytherin ashton and cal in particular

 Like Idk ashton gives me this vibe sometimes like he knows what he wants and he knows how to get it so don’t try and stop him

and Cal you know silent but strong and you want to listen when he talks 

all down to break a couple rules if need be

They all have the desire to be the best they can at what they do I believe which is something that gives me Slytherin vibes 

GRYFFINDOR

First of all I have no idea if I spelled that right bc I never do 

but moving on

In my head Gryffindor and Slytherin are very similar in like they do what needs to be done to reach their goals, its more just about what way they go to achieve it

also slytherin is a more quiet cocky and Gryffindor is a louder confidence in my mind

with that idea I love the concept of Gryffindor Luke haha

confindent and loud and goofy but will get his shit together and do something great 

I don’t get as many Gryffindor Cal vibes but I’m also just super partial to the idea of Slytherin Cal so whoops on that but still 

Also haven’t talked enough about Michael yet but I see him more in my mind as slytherin than Gryffindor (although my ultimate head canon is hufflepuff michael but PAITENCE SAV NOT YETT)

 I also like gryffindor ashton for the same reason as luke, like the loud cockiness I asscoiate with Gryffindor and the willingness to step it up and do what needs to be done for the sake of others and for his pride 

MOVING ONNNN

RAVENCLAW

Ok kids lets do ravenclaw next because I’m saving hufflepuff for last

ok so I feel like with ravenclaw all anyone talks about is studying and wanting to be the best at academics (which is definitely a part of it)

but like the pursuit of knowledge and understanding and wanting to produce your best work is the part of ravenclaw that most reminds me of all of the 5SOS boys

especialy ashton 

Like ravenclaw ashton needs to be discussed more???? 

anyways tbh I don’t have a lot for this one so let me know what y’alls thoughts are 

HUFFLEPUFF

OK so I’m a Hufflepuff

and I firmly believe that these boys are little squishes 

like yeah they have their tough guy side and look hot in music videos or whatever

BUT THEY ARE MARSHMELLOWS

NOTHING BUT CUDDLE BUGS

and I stand by that

plus hello loyalty

they would stand by each other no matter what 

and hufflepuffs strongly value friendship and all that jazz 

so listen I o v e slytherin calum but Hufflepuff calum is my reason for breathing

so soft wow 

and listen people always write Michael as slytherin which I agree with to some extent

BUT HAVE YOU SEEN HIM ALL SMILEY AND HAPPY

and listen  I think hufflepuffs would totally love dyeing their hair funky colors 

Luke is a golden sunshine and deserves happiness like and what better place for this munchkin than hufflepuff- a house full of sunshines

all this goes for Ash too I mean the fierce loyalty that radiates off this boy

IN SUMMARY

I think all head canons for what house they are in are valid but I’m 100% partial to Hufflepuff/Slytherin and I’m not sorry please someone come talk to me about this skfdhskdfhsdf

[lavieendonna]

Brushwork || ArtMajor!Calum AU (Chapter 30)

Summary: An Art Major AU where Dallas - third year gawky art student at VCA - makes a deal with Calum - her cute new neighbour and project partner - and they spend the semester learning that the perfect masterpiece takes a whole lot of brushwork.

Date: 12 July 2020 Requested: no one cares   Pairing: Calum + Dallas Words:smol boi 2.2K Warnings: A/N: THIS ! IS ! THE ! END !

Big Love xo

Ask | Masterlist | ‘Brushwork’ Spotify Playlist | Next Chapter | ‘Brushwork’ News | ‘Snapshot’

Chapter 30: It Was A Miracle I’d Lasted This Long Without Killing Myself. On Accident Or Otherwise.

“It’s not going to be that bad, Dallas,” My sister tried to reassure me as she and I collected the last of my boxes to pack into Mum’s Range Rover downstairs (which she may or may not have known we’d borrowed; Belle was pretty vague when I’d asked upon her arrival).

“Yes, it will,” I countered. Naturally, my sister sighed a rather dramatic sigh.

“Yeah, alright, there’s a tiny chance it’ll be a little weird to begin with,” she huffed. “But we’ll get over it – we’re friends! And the weather is gonna be great, anyway.”

I made a face, pausing in our trek toward the front door.

“And the weather has something to do with this is because…?” I arched my brow incredulously.

“It’s the sun!” Belle stated very matter-of-factly, eyes pointed as if that should have been obvious to me. “We’ll get some extra vitamins and endorphins – you know, all that science shit.” Only my sister could attempt to make sense while making no sense at all. I let out a rather unattractive snort and, not for the last time in my life, Belle rolled her eyes at me.

“You know what I mean,” her eyes narrowed at me, all in good faith, as she stuck her tongue out when I pulled another face. “It’s gonna be fun.”

She had a point, and I wasn’t too proud to admit that. Things were looking up, we were all back on speaking terms with one another (sans Polly, who I was still slightly terrified would hear about our little shindig at my mother’s house and come screaming back to gauge out my eyes for celebrating after her emotional departure) and the weather was finally starting to resemble something closer to Summer instead of the unpredictable mood swings of Spring. But – and this was not news to anybody – I was not a social person, and my idea of celebrating the end of an era did not involve any type of party, get-together, barbeque or shindig whatsoever. Parties were just one of the many, many situations that could, and would, lead to me completely embarrassing myself one way or another. It was a miracle I’d lasted this long without killing myself – on accident or otherwise.

“I already have plans, remember?” I said, resuming our slow walk back to the doorway. “So, you know. Sorry.” I offered a half-assed one-shouldered shrug before stepping out into the hall and watching as Belle closed the door behind us and locking it. She didn’t even blink when she looked back at me, dark eyes passive and unimpressed.

“Your plans will only take like an hour.” she deadpanned. “You’ll be back in time to attend your own damn party.”

I narrowed my eyes, scowling.

“Okay, first of all, it’s your party –”

“Our party,” Belle interjected but I ignored her.

“– and second, are you sure you don’t want to come with me?” My scowl turned into a pout. “I hate needles.”

I wasn’t sure why I thought Isabelle James, the most ruthless person I knew, would feel sorry for me and let me off the hook, especially considering this appointment was my own doing. But, alas, it was the only excuse I had left and I’d be damned if I didn’t at least try it out.      

“Girl, you need to grow some balls.” My sister scolded me and I blinked back my offence at the vulgar language. “I have my own shit to do and, more importantly, booze to buy. If you’re that worried then take Calum with you. You know, the experienced one.”

I hated that Belle was making valid points left, right and centre. It made me feel like I had lost all common sense. Then again, the more I thought about it, the more I realised that maybe I really didn’t have any to begin with.

“Fine.” I grumbled with pursed lips. “But you better buy some good shit, ‘cause I’m gonna be in some serious pain.”

“Oh, get over yourself, you’re paying for it!”

Our laughs and banter echoed through the stairwell, right up until we made it through the front entrance and down the street to the car. It was nice being able to laugh and talk like this with Belle again, and even though Polly wasn’t around anymore it still felt like the old days when it was like this all the time. It was easy and no one was hiding anything from anyone. She was my friend again, not just my annoying sister.

“Alright,” Belle slammed the boot of the car closed before sliding her Aviators over her eyes, her hands resting on her hips in a fashion not unlike our mother. “I’m going to Liquorland. I’ll see you at the house?” My shoulders bounced offhandedly and I made a face.

“Yeah,” I mumbled, pausing to shudder in fear. “If I don’t die in the process.”

I was more terrified than I initially thought I would be less than an hour before my first tattoo was to be embossed on my skin forever. A few days ago when I’d confirmed the appointment I was thrilled to be stabbed several times with tiny needles but now, all of a sudden, my pants looked like the inside of a three-year-old’s nappy.

Isabelle put a reassuring hand on my shoulder and offered a soft smile. I couldn’t see her eyes, but she reminded me even more like our mother now, wisdom radiating off of her as she prepared her speech.

“Well, in that case, I’ll meet see you in hell.” Belle grinned at me from ear to ear, one of her signature shit-eating smiles that I should have been deeply offended by considering her God-awful ‘encouragement’. But I wasn’t offended, I wasn’t even upset. I let out a loud laugh and pushed her enough to make her stumble into the back of the car.

“You’re the worst.” I chuckled and Belle flipped an imaginary ponytail over her shoulder dramatically.

“I think you mean the best.” She teased, sidling her way over to the driver’s side door and hopping inside. I waved through the tinted windows as my sister started the engine, and just as I spotted her fingers sticking out of the sunroof in some kind of wave back, she took off aggressively into the street and disappeared down the hill within a matter of seconds.

I was still standing on the footpath staring off into the street when a familiar cheery voice interrupted my trance.

“You good, D?” he chirped giddily, the sound making me jump out of my skin. Spinning on my heel, I glanced up at Calum to find him standing closer than I expected. He wore his iconic black Kurt Cobain tee, the one that showed off the art that lined his cinnamon skin, and those signature black skinny jeans, the ones with the rips right in the knees that had clearly gotten bigger over time. His Vans were dirty, but still black, and a denim jacket was tied loosely around his waist. All in all, he was his same perfect self.

“You know, Cal, one of these days you’ll learn to announce yourself before you scare me shitless.”  I said pointedly, making him laugh his music box laugh. Brown eyes rolled sarcastically as his shoulders shrugged.

“Or, maybe, one of these days you’ll learn not to be so nervous.” He shot back.

“Please,” I waved Calum off with a light chuckle. “‘Nervous’ is my middle name.”

“And you’re proud of that?” Calum’s eyebrow arched playfully before he offered a wink so quickly I nearly missed it. My heart fluttered in my chest, the way it always did when Calum so much as breathed near me, and I couldn’t help the grin that spread over my lips.

“No,” I deadpanned. “But I’m owning it at least.”

Calum laughed again, because that’s all we ever did now that the worst was over. My cheeks were almost always in pain because of how often he made me laugh and smile (I felt like an idiot, to be frank, but it wasn’t like that was out of the ordinary). Calum reached out to take my hand, our fingers intertwining as he swung them back and forth in the space between us, and the feeling of his skin pressed against mine was familiar and welcoming and it was one of those things that would always remind me that there was more to be felt than my own insecurities and fear. I no longer felt uncomfortably safe when he was around, and embracing it was like walking through a closet into a whole new world.

More than that, I felt like a whole new person. The old me – he one who carried around The List of all of my worst moments in life and struggled to string together a whole sentence to order lunch without poking an eye out – seemed like a memory or a ghost. There were times where I could feel her presence, but I found myself just choosing not to indulge in it.

“So,” Calum pulled me closer to peck me on the cheek before brushing a strand of hair behind my ear with his free hand. “Where are we off to? We should eat before the party, Lord knows Michael has plans to get everyone completely trashed tonight.”

“Of course he does.” I rolled my eyes because, well, of course Michael wanted everyone to get completely trashed. He seemed to have taken over the role of The Group Alcoholic. “But anyway, we can’t. Belle wants me to meet her back at the house so I can help set up.”

Calum made a face, plump lips pursing together in confusion.

“Uh, but didn’t she just leave?” He asked, gesturing in the direction the Range Rover had taken off in. I nodded, shifting my weight from foot to foot as a familiar nervousness simmered in the base of my gut.

“Yeah, um.” I had to clear my throat, suddenly concerned with Calum’s opinion of my plans. I knew he would be over the moon about it, but I was more worried that he’d be upset I hadn’t told him sooner. “Actually, I have something to do first. But it should only take about an hour or so.” I watched as Calum’s eyes narrowed in both suspicion and curiosity, his head tilting to the side while his brain gears worked overtime.

“What are you up to?” He asked incredulously, though a small smirk twitched in the corners of his lips.

“I, uh,” I giggled sheepishly, running a hand through my hair as I made a face. “I have my first tattoo appointment!” I said and Calum’s eyes widened, excitement rolling off of his shoulders in waves.

“What?!” He practically wailed. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Where is it? And what are you getting? You must be so excited!”

He was right, I was excited. And I was more excited that he was excited and the fact that he wasn’t hung up on me not telling him earlier.

“I am, I am.” I beamed up at him. “It’s just down the road at Classink. I’d been emailing one of the artists there for a week or so and I booked the appointment the other day.”

“What you going to get?” He asked again, unable to contain his smile. “Let me guess, a picture of my face on your butt?”

I shoved Calum in the chest but laughed as I shook my head.

“No,” I said pointedly. “It’s a butterfly.”

Calum nodded slowly and I could see him trying to envision what kind of butterfly I could possibly want to get permanently inked on my body forever, but without asking. Because as far as he knew, I’d never really spoken to him about wanting a butterfly tattoo, or even about butterflies in general. Actually the truth was, I didn’t even know I wanted a butterfly tattoo either, not until my mother had mentioned it to me what felt like forever ago.

“It’s going to be great,” I said with a small, content smile, picturing the glass butterfly in the window that was now the one thing in my life I tried to be, always. Broken, but still beautiful, and full of potential to be something even greater.

“You want me to come with you?” Calum asked, his eyes gleaming with genuine care and kindness. “First tattoos can be kind of scary.”

I thought about it for a minute, the idea of Calum holding my hand and whispering encouragement in my ear when I winced at the inevitable pain. I glanced down at our hands where our fingers were still tangled together, Calum’s thumb tracing absent patterns on the back of my skin. It was warm, and he fit perfectly between the spaces. I looked up and gazed into chocolate orbs that were looking back at me with undivided attention, and for the first time I kissed him first. It was slow and careful, but deliberate and full of purpose. Kind of like us.

“No, thanks,” I said when I pulled back, shaking my head back. Calum looked confused for a second, but I didn’t clarify. “I’m good.”  

“Are you sure?” He asked, but he was already smiling softly because he knew I was. I just nodded and he kissed me again quickly before I let go of his hand.

“I’m sure,” I said, and I didn’t wait for him to say goodbye before I turned on my heel and started walking away towards the potential for something even greater.

[99sshithouse]

Calix Ordona

Trigger Warning; Drug and Suicide Mentions Throughout

George Miller | Joji

Age : 31

Alias(es) : Cal, Cali

Place of Birth : Paris, France

Eye & Hair Color : Brown | Black

Height & Weight : 6' | 200lbs

Sex & Gender : Male and Identifies As Such

Orientation : Heterosexual

Marital Status : Singlel

Personality

It Hurts, Heals, and Kills All At Once

Calix has a lot going on with him. He has a warmth to him that makes people feel welcome, he is happy to lend a hand, to lift others up when they need it. He has a wisdom to him that he shouldn't have being as young as he is. He's weathered and tired, and often feels like he doesn't have many redeeming qualities to him other than this. But It's not true. He is open-minded and has a big heart when it comes to people just being who they are. Who they really are. He stands up for people who need it, loves easily, laughs loudly. He has been able to pull himself out of the dark hell he created after all the times he wished he was in the dirt.

He's got a lot of shadows that plague his mind. He's suffered clinical depression since his teens, and as he got older, it was clear that he also had an addictive personality as well. He was always treated like the bad egg, the one that won't get anywhere because he stole from stores and smoked cigarettes, but he was a good kid. Basically, he didn't get the help he very obviously needed, and it almost ended abruptly when he tried to take his own life. And when he survived, his father abandoned him. He holds a lot of anger towards his family for this, but he still is desperately seeking the approval others now that he's older. And while he holds this hatred for his mother and father, he does actively look for his little brother. He's just not sure what he would say to him if they ever met again.

While he has worked so hard to fight past his addictions and won the battles and the eat, he still deals with a lot of issues from the past drug use. He has bad anxiety, hand tremors, muscle spasms, sunken eyes, and his weight constantly fluctuates, but the hardest thing still is not going back to his drug of choice, heroin. He thinks about it a lot, and when things get hard, he sometimes remembers how easy it could be to just stop feeling for a while. But he has never fallen back, and he plans on continuing to stay strong. It's just hard for him sometimes.

While he does have social anxiety, when alone with his microphone, he's got a gift for the gab in him. He is funny and likes making jokes at normally bad situations. Since the podcast never shows his face (he holds the show on YouTube with a simple background instead of his talking head), he is able to speak as freely as he wants without worry of actual repercussions. He can be harsh sometimes, but he doesn't intend to actually hurt people. Just to open their eyes and ears and get them to listen to a different side of it all.

Employment : Podcast Personality

Calix runs his own podcast talking about the newest events in the city. However, it's mostly his opinions on said events. He will talk about politics and opinions of recent events, talk to people who call in, read letters. He has a way about talking that makes people either laugh or relate. He keeps an eye on everything going on in the city, no matter how hard it is to look.

Criminal Specialty : Blackmail | Extortion | Theft

Calix spends a lot of time watching the city and the people inside it. He can be found at coffee bars, parking garages, tall buildings and sometimes he sees some pretty... Unsavory activity. He uses what he finds and makes money off it. It's not an honest living, but a living nonetheless.

Skills & Abilities

Soothing Voice (both speaking and singing) | Articulate Speaking | Colorful Vocabulary (curses a lot)

Incredible Inner Strength | He will probably never realize this for himself, but people who are able to break down those outer walls will see a very courageous and powerful man who has overcome so many things. His spirit is very strong, and when problems are thrown in front of him, he can always overcome them.

Talented Painter, though he doesn't really think so, typically paints to relax

A talented little sleuth, he can usually find everything he could ever need to use against someone. He luckily only uses these skills for jobs, and never any ulterior personal gains.

Extremely, extremely, extremely open-minded. He takes the time to listen and learn about someone, no matter the mess that comes from the person. He lets people in when they have gone through the ringer like he has.

Disabilities & Disorders

Addictive Personality | Recovering Heroin Addict / Nicotine Addict /Social Alcoholic / Buys Xanax off dealers because he can't get a prescription for it. He doesn't use the pills to get high, but for anxiety and shakes.

Self Hate | There is a lot wrapped up in Calix that makes a man filled with self-doubt and craving validation and love

Suicidal / Depressed | Has attempted to kill himself, and he isn't proud of this fact. One can see large and deep scars going up each forearm.

Insomnia, subtle twitches that happen when stressed, and finally, due to the unfortunate side effects of all addictions, Calix can continuously go through a need for heroin despite being clean of the drug for 8 years, this especially happens when in stress or when Cal is sad.

Hangs on to the memories of the family that abandoned him, no matter what he says about. He misses his mother, father, and baby brother.

Known History

Crime

Three Drug Charges - No Prison Time

Usually carrying small bags of white powder, though to small to be considered for selling drugs. Was forced into rehab on each occasion.

Drunk In Public - No Prison Time

Sat in the drunk tank and then was released.

Petty Theft

All charges happened when he was a child, and all records of these have been cleaned

Gang Initiation : Calix has always run with a tougher, less honest crowd his entire life, but when it came to picking up the pieces and becoming better, the gang had always backed him on his decisions. He has found himself a new family after the catastrophe that the last one was.

Known Affiliations

Parents

Trina Lee [No Affiliation] - Resides in London, England, UK

Conner Ordona [Deceased | Doesn't Know]

Siblings

Adrian Ordona [Tigers] - Estranged

Cousins

Freya Lee [No Affiliation] - Resides in Paris, France

Affiliation | Wolves

[epistolizer]

Hit & Run Commentary #114

Charles Krauthammer is on the record as describing himself as a “Jewish Shinto” meaning that he worshipped his ancestors.  Yet for simply wanting to protect America’s borders against a tidal wave of human debris this columnist was at the forefront of establishmentarians roundly condemning President Trump.  

The Secretary of Homeland Security has been criticized by MSNBC propagandist Mika  Brzezinski for the “tone deaf” decision to eat in a Mexican restaurant.  So is this a form of cultural misappropriation?   What this complaint is an example of is symbolism over substance.   Does this network intend to renounce every public service announcement warning ever broadcast against the dangers of peer pressure?  Failure to do so would be rank hypocrisy.   For what is being condemned here is nothing more than failure to comply with riotous mobs.

A pastor lamented that neither party is willing to talk with one another on Capitol Hill in pursuit of compromise because elected officials must play to their respective bases.  I know that sounds like sophisticated political analysis, but has the pastor making the statement actually contemplated the implications of what he is suggesting?  For in terms of at least those on the right, are not Fundamentalist ministers the ones at the forefront of indoctrinating their respective audiences against the dangers of “compromise”?  If you spend years conditioning people to avoid associating with Catholics and Charismatics in the name of separation and insist that women wearing pants are just a step away from lesbianism, transgenderism and abortion on demand, don’t be surprised when those that have taken what you say to heart don’t really want anything to do with those with whom they have profound worldview disagreements.  So to these pastors that harp for the need for high standards when the standard being advocated is not really even something clearly spelled out in the pages of Scripture, just where is there anything left to compromise with the proponents of contemporary Progressivism?  

In a discussion with Bill Kristol on the future of conservatism. Jonah Goldberg remarked that social media communities are not real communities.  So what is to be done for individuals that find more fulfilling opportunities in the virtual over offline worlds?  For example, churches that offer a single Sunday school class are not able to provide additional teaching opportunities.  And frankly, being allowed to plop money into a collection plate as the soul extent to which one is allowed to participate in the comprehensive enterprise of Christendom doesn’t cut it in terms existential satisfied purpose.  

At the Heritage Foundation Annual Leadership Conference in fielding a question assessing Donald Trump, syndicated columnist Cal Thomas lamented the he wished the President would not condemn people because such an act was inherently anti-American.  But shouldn’t those professing to hold to values over party be willing to condemn people that do condemnable things?  And isn’t the only reason the news-consuming public knows the name of Cal Thomas is because of his aptitude for biting amusing criticism?  After all, did not Cal Thomas pull something of a John Kerry in opposing Donald Trump before supporting Donald Trump by contributing an essay to the Never Trumpers special edition issue of National Review condemning the prospects of a Trump presidency?  

In Nigeria, Islamist herdsmen attacked ten largely Christian communities.  Nearly two hundred were killed with a number of villages being completely burned to the ground.  Did these poor souls attempt to defend themselves or were they pacified as a result of indoctrination in misinterpretations of passages regarding the turning of the other cheek?  Perhaps it is about time they look to guidance from the movie The Untouchables.

So regarding the family allegedly kicked out of a church during a funeral.  Were they behaving with decorum as one ought in a church or rolling in the aisles and leaping over the pews as some demographics are during fits of religious ecstasy.   For how often are chalices broken in the course of normal use?  

To placate special interests prone to loot property and rampage in the streets when not pandered to in regards to assorted public issues, President Trump has reversed his initial position and is now ordering flags lowered to half staff in honor of the slain Gazette journalists.   So why is this beneficence not extended to all murder victims or do their lives not matter to the propagandists in the mass media?  

Outrage eruptted over Corey Lewmandowski allegedly mocking a Down syndrome child separated from  her mother at the border.  The headline ought to have ben  that liberals have finally met a sufferer of that affliction that they did not think should have been euthanized.  For as unsettling as the Trump regime’s treatment of these individuals might have been, it’s still a whole lot better than that endured by Down syndrome fetuses in Iceland.  So where is the leftwing condemnation of   such policies in these European social democracies to which America is expected to aspire?  

Attorney Alan Dershowitz has been ostracized by liberals on the grounds of being a Russian operative.  Didn’t they used to adore him for similar reasons?  

Steve Ditko, the co-creator of Spider-Man and Dr. Strange, has passed at the age of 90. One cannot help but admire Diitko’s approach to the craft. Unlike Stan Lee’s more affable and outgoing shtick, Ditko had not given an interview or made a public appearance in decades. Instead he allowed his body of work to speak for itself. And while fans of graphic sequential narrative owe a debt of gratitude to the role played (some might argue usurped) by Stan Lee as a sort of ceremonial head of an industry that was not always extended the respect it deserved as a legitimate art form, as much appreciation should also be bestowed upon the unassuming professionals that actually turn out this ongoing work.  

Tolerancemongers are ecstatic about a number of  nations having fallen to multiculturalst hooey such as Australia and Great Britain banning or expelling proponents of enforced border security.  But if these leftist regimes should be applauded for guarding what remains of their soiled and fraying social fabric by barring those seeking entrance in accord with established procedures, why is the United States frowned upon for staking similar steps to preserve its own civic identity by barring those that did not grant this nation/state the most fundamental of courtesies of coming through the proper entrance in the manner that a sovereign people requests?  

So why is it acceptable for Christians to admit to watching “The Greatest Showman” on home video but not in a movie theater?  Doesn’t the purchase of a DVD still send proceeds into the coffers of producers?   Don’t the costumes worn by lady circus performers usually show more flesh than women wearing pants?  And why is it apparently acceptable for unmarried men and women to be grabbing all over each other on the flying trapeze but fundamentalist pulpit exegetes explicitly condemn ballroom dancing?  

It was said in a sermon that it is not up to us to decide who is and is not a valid Christian.  An insightful observation.  Too bad it was contradicted by a significant portion of the homily that followed that proceeded to castigate and impugn those that garden on Sunday and not only women that wear pants but also have short hair.  

ThinkProgress, the news portal for the Center For American Progress, is outraged that Pizzagate truther Jack Posobiec was issued press credentials to cover the Trump/Putin summit one behalf of One America News Network.  For those that don’t recall, Pizzagate was the conspiracy theory that a Satanic peophile ring was masterminded from a DC pizzaria noted for its occultic decorative motif.  However, it must be noted that the Center For American Progress was founded by John Podesta.   Podesta is on the record of engaging in a serious email exchange with former astronaut Edgar Mitchell about the steps that would be required for the United States acquire zero point energy from a non-violent extraterrestrial intelligence from the “contiguous universe”.  Sort of makes the Pizzagate allegations not seem so wild-eyes or off the wall after all, doesn’t it?

Nine times out of ten when a minister drones on about something not being in Heaven it is usually euphemism in his personal opinion as to why we should not be allowed to enjoy whatever it is here on Earth as well.  

If Discovery Channel’ Shark Week now intends to emphasize celebrity shark encounters over solid documentaries, this may be one programming block that has itself jumped the proverbial shark.  

If Disney rehires molestation aficionado James Gunn, shouldn’t the conglomerate also rehire Roseanne Barr?  After all, much of what she was terminated for was speculations about George Soros that are probably true.  Doesn’t the advocacy of child abuse deserve greater punishment than ethnic humor that fell flat?  

By Frederick Meekins