#(Somehow)

[lordnot]

We will be watching the light of Russia's nuclear arsenal rising up over the horizon

And Liberals will be like "I bet those missiles we saw heading towards Moscow earlier weren't even armed."

Greenland has a military base to protect NATO/EU. Canada has natural resources and control maritime waterways/shipping. Panama has sanctions on Russian vessels traveling through the canal.

It's all for Putin.

[outlawcare]

[sealsdaily]

Today's Sea Lion Is: Critical Hit

[kurenaiienishii]

Sunny rules include no PDA on board

[moonsstarsandscience]

Um, so, Tech lives

"That wouldn't be fatal!" It would."They couldn't survive that!" They could.

If my time as an EMT and instructor taught me anything it is that the body is both impossibly resilient and impossibly fragile, and almost any traumatic injury you can think of could either be fine or fatal depending on the whims of the universe.

So use that crap as liberally as you want to serve whatever narrative you're writing.

[trans-rights-coastalmangoes]

[contact-guy]

THE ENGINEER'S THUMB - tbh outside of Watson having a terrible bedside manner, this story is a bit boring - but I found my fun by extrapolating from the line about Watson having Holmes over for dinner. HE'S FINE IT'S FINE EVERYTHING'S FINE

(this is in the Watson's Sketchbook series!)

[gaylittleguys]

unstoppable force vs immovable object

[frownyalfred]

Red Hood has a lot of people fooled, but he can’t fool the Narrows with that flawless trigger discipline. They know he’s something more than a common thug or gang leader the second they see that grip.

[friedri-ce]

gex

[vtkuu]

absolutely love how early on in the Oregon Parks promo campaign everyone was under the tweets being like "alex what is this" "alex we know it's you" "what are you plotting alex" and now everyone is screaming and crying in the replies for Park Ranger Gus Burnside and asking if he's okay

he got the fandom invested in his twitter roleplay character in the span of ~a week. i'm afraid there's nobody doing it like him— anyone who thinks they can pull off a Gravity Falls revival hoax/troll/etc should quit while they're ahead, truly

[since-times-long-forgotten]

why does he LOOK LIKE THAT

strange little bug who I refuse to believe is a cat is @pangur-and-grim’s Belphegor

close-ups and inspiration image under the cut

I didn’t capture the Weirdness of the stretch well enough, why does he DO THAT. how??? very stretch much long

[dear-ao3]

friends, besties, worsties, davids, and meow meows of the jury. i have a tale for you. while i claim to be no bard (like saph, the queen of very long dramatic tumblr stories that make your heart weep), i must spin a wee bit of yarn in the form of a story. what story? a story of the green cake.

we shall, as most stories do, start almost at the beginning.

the date? january 2nd.

the time? late.

the occasion? saph comes home the third.

the problem? i have no butter or sugar.

now, saph's birthday was recently, so like any other best bud i said i was making a cake. i believe my exact words were 'i'm making you a cake whether you like it or not."

now, gang, i must level with you. this is the fourth cake i've made in my life. i am a reasonably good baker (i can bake a Mean Loaf of Bread), but i'm not a very experienced baker. 3/4 cakes were reasonably good, and only one was just slightly off. so, my track record is mixed, but i am hopeful.

now, let me take you to the present.

i am sitting at my dining room table, typing this post. i am wearing a shirt covered in flour, the green cake is in the oven.

how did i get here?

well, we won't go to the beginning. we've already seen what was basically the beginning, with me having no butter or sugar. the real story begins the morning of january 3rd. which is today. which is when saph comes home, expecting a green cake. as most reasonably well adjusted people do when their roommates parents are visiting, i stressed cleaned the entire apartment at 4am, after realizing the mice in my walls are fucking. i did not leave them a condom. i did not have one that would fit them. i can only hope they have plan b. so naturally, i went to bed at 6am.

and i still had no sugar or butter for the green cake for saph.

and i needed to get started on this cake before 10am, or saph would be here before it was finished.

and i went to bed at 6am. so naturally i set my 9:00, 9:02, 9:04, 9:06 alarms, and hoped i'd lock in when i woke up.

friends, i hate to admit it, but i did not lock in. nay, i slept through all of my alarms and woke up at roughly 9:45. it was cold, damp, and the mice were still probably fucking. i threw my hair into a messy bun, and ran downstairs, only to find my mom was selling me to one direction.

jk. it was far worse.

because saph said she had sent me something.

what did saph send me?

a full poster of david malukas! do i know why? no! but he lives in my kitchen now, providing me with mental support. thanks david!

so, i begin to make the cake after laughing for about 10 minutes about why david is now in my apartment. it starts off surprisingly well. i have not forgotten the salt.

everything is normal.

until i remember.

the cake needs to be green.

why? idk thats what saph said she wanted so i am just going to do what i was told to do and make this damn cake green.

but its now late in the process, and if there is one thing i have learned in all my years of watching the great british baking show with my mom, it is to never over beat your cake.

and my cake, right now, was perfect. trust me. i ate plenty of dough to know it was wonderful.

so now i am trying to figure out how to make the most perfect shade of nico rosberg green, feeling a bit like an alchemist. david malukas is staring me down. my time grows shorter and shorter with each beat.

and then, gang, i had to give up on this being nico rosberg green. i did not want to kill my cake. my green cake. my now mint-green cake that i am baking for saph. so naturally i'm like, okay, time to pour this.

easy, right?

WRONG.

so one thing to know about me is i suck at cutting things.

it's unfortunately a key ingredient in cake making that you have a stupid little circle on the bottom of your cake tins. i cut it the best i could. which was bad. so i'm already fighting demons trying to get the stupid parchment paper from sliding every which way, and then, my friends, i realized something horrible.

the batter had not mixed at the bottom. so now i was fighting even more demons and trying not to get loose flour in my cake.

i think i succeeded. only time will tell. david is watching. the cake is almost done.

i am setting the green cake free.

look upon him now, and weep. the green cake prevails! even though he doesn't look very green yet.

and now, for the hardest part. frosting.

let's see how that goes.

david still watches.

[mementhis]

He's not a clown, he's the entire circus!

[soshuscribbles]

Slightly modified Tenko returns!

The illegible kanji on her side reads 「男死滅殺」 (danshi messatsu) which is kind of like “destroy all degenerate males.”

Speaking of “messatsu”, Street Fighter players might recognize the move in the last panel (“DIE ONE THOUSAND DEATHS!”)