#(Only tagging as Molly so that I can look at the beautiful story arc of his)

[wickedlittlewordsmith]

Some thoughts on the CR finale last night:

The Mighty Nein’s ending was, for me, very satisfying. I love that it was tonally different to Vox Machina’s. It should have been. Where VM’s ending was bittersweet because they had to say goodbye to one of their own, the M9′s ending was...full of contentedness. They didn’t have to say goodbye to anyone. Not the way that VM did. Instead, they got to say hello to a new friend, got to settle down and live happy lives, everyone doing their own things but always being there for each other and always coming back. Because they found their family. They found the love and acceptance that they all needed so desperately, and they realized that they could still have that love, that connection, even when separated by great distances and doing their own thing. 

Each and every one of them got to have their happy endings. There was no sorrow. Only happiness and love and support for one another as they all went their own ways, knowing their bonds would never be broken. The fact that so many of them could get closure on top of that? It was beautiful. It was exactly what they deserved.

Veth could finally settle down and be with her family.  Beau and Yasha could be with one another without the worry of constantly being in a life-or-death situation, instead focusing on the things that they both love: being an expositor and gardening respectively Caduceus got to garden, got to cultivate his beloved grove, and got to show his sister what it means to live as an adventurer. Fjord found the freedom he so longed for in the open sea. And he found the love of a great woman. Kingsley got to decide who he wanted to be, free of the obligations or chains of a past life that he doesn’t remember.  Caleb...Caleb found peace. He found acceptance. He may have the sorrow that comes from losing his parents the way that he did, but he’s grown past his need to rewrite time. And he found a love that he chose. Jester? My delightfully chaotic, leetle blue tiefling? She found that she was badass in her own rights and that she could do things without having to rely on Artagan. She found love in Fjord, found adventure in the open sea, found a home again in Nicodranas. Found herself.

Their endings were all so beautiful and perfect, and while I will miss them and miss their adventures, I’m happy and content with knowing they’ve led the lives that they deserved.

Also, fuck Ikithon. He got what he deserved.

[kaleidoscopeminds]

2021 Writing Self-Evaluation

thank you to @igarbagecannoteven @clumsyclifford and @lifewasradical for tagging me! i got overwhelmed looking at this the first time but i have spent some time with it and i’m giving it a go 

1. Number of stories posted to AO3: 21

2. Word count posted for the year: 191,436 (so close)

3. Fandoms I wrote for: 5sos and a singular atl fic

4. Pairings: cake, one lashton and the singular jalex

5. Story with the most Kudos/Bookmarks/Comments: for all of these it’s the flatmate arrangement with meet you in the back under exit lights in second

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): i think i’m proud of different things for different reasons! i’m proud of flatmate because i never thought it would be as popular as it is, i’m proud of dream makes the sounds (that carry me so far away) because i didn’t think i’d ever be able to write something that long and i’m proud of  talk to me, baby because i didn’t think i’d ever be able to write explicit fic and not hate the outcome

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): there are things i am not proud of in pretty much of my writing but i don’t think it’s worth picking something out here

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: WHENEVER someone tells me someone has read something more than once... something about that feels so incredibly special

bella @clumsyclifford always leaves the most delightful in depth and often incoherent comments when she reads a fic that always bring me a lot of joy

the comment jess @daydadahlias left on ttmb made me cry real tears due to many anxieties surrounding that fic and her reaction was unexpected and wonderful

and molly @burstingsunrise has publicly bookmarked two of my fics which is the best review i could ever receive 

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: everything after i posted road trip fic has felt like an uphill battle but particular crises over the act of writing explicit fic, executing lashton after so many months of writing cake exclusively, trying to write magical realism and writing fics for people and being scared they won’t like it and will have to pretend to

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: the entirety of ttmb, who even wrote that fic

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:  in the same way molly consulted jess, i consulted molly and she said this from and what if you'd never smiled at me :

He lines up the bread rolls on the sheet trays, perfectly placed so when they rise they will just touch each other, enough to fuse them together so they can be pulled apart with soft tendrils connecting them. He knows exactly how many; twenty-four to a tray, six rows of four, perfectly placed equidistant from each other for evenness of rise. They will grow over the course of the next two hours; tucked inside plastic and kept warm on the shelf above the oven; the ideal proofing conditions. Calum considers whether it takes perfect conditions to make relationships grow and whether they can be ruined by missing the right moment when they need to be put in the oven.

and then i really like this from i'm not made by design, how can you be satisfied? which i often forget i wrote:

Luke is glamorous and damaged and full of secrets. He’s achingly beautiful and effortlessly sexy and a bit of a headfuck and has the longest legs he’s ever seen on a human, but he’s also just Luke. The twenty-something-year-old man who really likes croissants and always curls up on a sofa and likes that blue blanket Calum has more than any other. The man who giggles and claps when Calum tells a terrible joke and likes to catch Maltesers in his mouth. He’s Luke.

And Calum might be in love with him.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: i did just that… grow! i only started writing in 2020 and i did not ever think i would end up here. a lot of this year has been about figuring out how to craft stories and character arcs and communicate emotion. also how important pacing fics are, i’m not sure i’m particularly skilled at it but i’m a million miles away from where i was a year ago

13. How do you hope to grow next year: more writing!! just keep doing it. more experimenting more pushing myself out of my comfort zone whilst writing things i want to write. thinking less about how writing something might make you be perceived and doing it anyway. i want to try to write more angsty things and make them not be contrived and predictable. i want my grammar and handling of tenses to improve 

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc): this one is funny because i have a weird thing about being pretty secretive about my fics however!

i can’t tell you how important molly has been in my fic writing this year. she has read and edited fics for me, reassured me out of multiple crises, helped me with things without knowing context, our conversations and breakdowns have inspired so much. and three of my fics were entirely written for her. molly and her skill in her own writing genuinely inspires me to be better and try harder and her feedback and enthusiasm continues to be one of the main reasons i write

i had amanda @lifewasradical on a few of my docs this year and she is amazing for encouraging and shouting at characters and reassuring that things make sense, and there’s no way those fics would have made it out without her! waking up to her comments on road trip fic really got me to write that thing

also the greatest influence and muse i have: mr luke hemmings thank you for all you are and all you do you are endlessly inspiring to me xox

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: YES mainly the meet cutes i have written. you've been stuck in my brain , shaken up and you are worth your weight in gold all were directly from real life things that happened to me. everything else has elements of things in my life from them like all the baking stuff in and what if you'd never smiled at me , all the bad dates mentioned in we're just friends and every time i mention specific london places in any fic ever (and some other stuff in others but i won’t delve into that too deeply)

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: only a couple of things as i’m only a baby writer! but here goes:

it’s okay to acknowledge that you want validation for your writing, but if the reason that you’re writing becomes more about that than it does about the other stuff, then you’re likely to be disappointed.

always question the motivations behind your immediate thought of who who should be in certain role or say a certain thing or initiate something. as fandom writers it’s really easy to fall into stereotypes perpetuated throughout the fandom or even what you “usually” do. but think about YOUR characters as their own beings! does it make sense? what would happen if you flipped the dynamic? is that more interesting to explore?

a few people have said versions of this, but if you have something you want to write just write it. even if it’s just a couple of lines of dialogue or a description of something. even if you’re in the middle of something else. give your creativity space and jump somewhere else in the story or open a new doc or write a little interaction you would like to put in something someday

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: i am very excited to get fic exchange out there as it has been a project for a while and there’s another coffee shop au that i’m excited about, but apart from that i don’t have much going on. i got some great ideas from the ask game the other day and i’ve been formulating a couple ideas for some more longer fics so we will see!

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read. very late on this so i’m pretty sure everyone’s been tagged but i have enjoyed reading everyone else's!! 

[discordantwords]

fic writer q&a

I’ve seen a few of these floating around over the past few days, so I thought I’d fill one out too. Any of my friends who write, if you’d like to participate, consider yourself tagged!

1. AO3 handle: discordantwords

2. Ships I write: Right now I'm sort of fixated on Sherlock/John, but I got my start writing Mulder/Scully.

3. Ships I read: Mostly Sherlock/John. I'll dabble in reading other pairings if the story seems compelling.

4. When I started writing: I've been writing for as long as I can remember. As a child I used to write wherever and whenever I could--notebooks, little scraps of paper, in the margins of other books. In my angsty teen years, I often thought that that I could be left on a desert island with a supply of pens and a stack of blank notebooks and I'd be perfectly content for the rest of my life.

5. First fic I wrote: An assortment of (probably terrible) X-Files stories I was too shy to post back when the show was airing. I was young and very intimidated by the intelligent and wildly talented fanbase. I eventually wrote and posted The Barn in 2006, long after XF was off the air.

6. Favorite fic I wrote: The answer to this question will be different every time depending on the mood you catch me in. Sometimes I think it's We Could Have Made Music. Sometimes I think it's The Pillar upon Which England Rests. Other times I think it must be (Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea.

7. Hardest fic I wrote: Out There. I was writing and posting a chapter a week. Each chapter averaged 10k words or more and was meant to feel like self-contained episode. It has stand alone monster-of-the-week cases, mythology cases, and a (relatively) coherent plot arc. It's by far the longest and most ambitious fic I've ever written, and, looking back, I have no idea how I ever sustained that pace.

8. Most research-intensive fic I wrote: Also Out There. I dove into a rewatch of X-Files episodes, read old transcripts, tried to find any plot points and characterizations that I could tie in with Sherlock. My goal was to write a story that didn't just rehash the events of either show, but instead blended the worlds into something that would be (hopefully) recognizable and yet still entirely new. I threw out most of the existing XF mythology and wrote my own. And then there was all of the X-Filesy pseudoscience, which had to at least seem vaguely plausible. For the Mayfly "episode," I wound up learning so much more about fly life cycles than I ever wanted to know.

9. Fic that is most dear to me: The Pillar upon Which England Rests. I love Mrs Hudson, I love her relationship to Sherlock, and when I initially eased into this fandom hers was the first story I felt compelled to tell.

10. Favorite trope to write: I will never tire of friends-to-lovers.

11. Something I wouldn’t write: You probably won’t see a PWP from me. I’ll never say never, but I'm not particularly adept at writing smut, even in the context of a larger story. I fear any PWP of mine would end up being fairly cringey. I stick to what I do best.

12. Favorite scene I ever wrote: There's a scene in Inscrutable to the Last, where John is making a last ditch effort to patch things up with Mary. He shows up with takeaway, expecting to talk, only to find that she has Janine over. And they all wind up drinking too much, generally just being terrible to one another underneath a thin veneer of politeness. Over the course of the night John has the slow dawning realization that his marriage is over, that any effort he's trying to make is too little too late. And I've always really liked the tension in that scene, and how the whole thing is messy and painful and doesn't really resolve in a comfortable way.

13. Where I get my inspiration: All over the place! Sometimes little interactions or moments I glimpse out in the world will find their way into my writing.

14. Hardest scene I ever wrote: I cried while writing Sherlock's breakdown in the bathroom at the end of (Never) Turn Your Back to the Sea. It's the only time I've ever cried while working on my own stuff.

15. Favorite characterization I wrote: I am most comfortable writing Sherlock. His thought patterns, as I write him, are fairly similar to my own.

16. Sequel I would write, if I had the chance: I would love to do a sequel to Out There, but the prospect is incredibly daunting.

17. Story I want to write, but I don’t think people would enjoy reading: A longish Sherlock and Molly friendship fic. I don't ship them, but I love the way their relationship has evolved over the years and would enjoy exploring it a bit.

18. A line from a WIP: Molly was three minutes and forty-two seconds late.

19. A recent comment on a story that made me smile: Every single comment puts a huge smile on my face.

20. A discontinued work I would love to finish: I have a post-TAB fic that I started writing ages ago before S4 aired. It was off to a good start, and then I lost track of where I was going with it, and then S4 happened and I really lost track of where I was going with it. I’d like to return to it one of these days.

21. Fic writers I admire: Too many to count! Pretty much everyone out there still keeping these worlds alive through your words.  

22. A story I recommend: Because I happen to be rereading it today, I'll throw out a recommendation for Parhelion. An achingly beautiful, wrenchingly sad Sherlock/John vampire fic that spans centuries. I love this fic, and I don't think it's ever gotten the attention it deserves.

[saotome-michi]

10 female characters I’m in love with from 10 fandoms 

Tagged by: @gwkimmy

Tagging: @aprincesswholovesinsects, @madelide, @dorotheian, @letheandlilies (Only if you have the time!! But also anyone can do this!!!) 

Lol i’m just going to use this as a chance to promote some shows I’ve been watching. In order of most recent to least. 

1. Hamasaki Yuka (Saikou no Rikon) 

I’m only three episodes in, but damn am I liking this jdrama (which means you all should try watching it!!). 

Saikou no Rikon looks at two couples and their troubled marriages. Despite the corny sounding premise, the story is surprisingly heartfelt, possibly because of the relatable characters. One of them, the cheerful, lazy, and somewhat crass Yuka, divorces her husband because even though she loves him, she can see he currently hates their married life and thus, her. She’s a character who I initially found annoying, but am quite fond of now. Maybe it’s because her aggressive and “unsophisticated” ways remind me of myself and other women in my family. Plus, I do like a woman who stands up for herself. 

2. Phryne Fisher (Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries)

God I love this woman. God I love this show. If you’re not watching it you really, really should it’s on Netflix and it’s fabulous. Phryne’s fabulous. Honestly, all the female characters are quite well developed– I dare say this show could pass the Bechdel in its sleep. 

Phryne Fisher is a woman way ahead of her time, the 1920s to be exact. She’s charming, vivacious, accomplished in many different skill sets and fields of knowledge, and very against the idea that one must stick to social norms just because. So of course she becomes the first and only Lady Detective in Melbourne, Australia. Dressed immaculately (because she likes it and, as she tells her companion Dot, “A woman should dress first and foremost for her own pleasure”), she goes around stirring things up in search for the truth. (While also flustering Detective Inspector Jack Robinson, who I was not impressed with at first but now have a serious crush on. He and Phryne have the most beautiful chemistry and I want them together now.)

3. Rita Madsen (Rita) 

I started watching this show on Netflix, because I wanted to improve my Danish and I heard it was good. It is good. In fact it’s fucking great. It ended up exceeding my expectations with the first episode alone. 

Rita Madsen is a stubborn and willful schoolteacher fighting against the establishment (who or what that establishment is changes case-by-case). She says whatever’s on her mind in blunt and provocative fashion, and honestly? It’s a joy to watch. She’s also the single mother of three children, who the show also focuses upon. In order from oldest to youngest: there’s Rikko, who’s about to get married to his uptight girlfriend; Molly, who doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life; and Jeppe, who at age 15 is the only kid who’s still at school and discovers that he’s gay. They’re all very realistic and relatable characters, and it’s nice seeing them slowly grow–Rita, most of all, as she has to learn to confront her own occasional hypocrisy and struggle with parenting. 

4. Tracey Gordon (Chewing Gum) 

Chewing Gum is comedic genius and Michaela Coel should be proud - not only because of her fantastic screenwriting, but also for her marvelous performance as Tracey Gordon, the show’s protagonist. Tracey is honest, outspoken, and wonderfully cringy, and her actions lead to all sorts of hilarious outcomes. Many of the female characters on this list are “cool”; Tracey isn’t cool in the traditional sense, but she’s unabashed around who she is and that makes her the coolest person on the show. 

(Shameless plug-in: This show is on Netflix and you should really give it a go, the characters are hilarious and relatable, and I think it’s one of the few shows that really depicts sex as the awkward, messy activity it is.)

5. Amanda Rollins (Law and Order: SVU) 

After many, many years of people telling me I should watch SVU, I have finally started watching it... from Season 14, since those are the only seasons available on Netflix. (Don’t worry, I have watched around 4 episodes that were pre Season 13 and therefore do know something of Elliot Stabler and his beautiful partnership with Olivia Benson) 

But maybe it’s because I started from Season 14 that I seem to have a different opinion of Amanda Rollins than most other fans do? Correct me if I’m wrong, but after prowling around the internet, it seems that most fans dislike Rollins or at least find her tedious. I, on the other hand, really like her and her character growth... hmm guess that’s a mystery we’ll have to put aside for now. 

6. Na Kyung Shim (Strong Woman Do Bong Soon)

If you’re also a fan of the show, you might be thinking: What about Do Bong-Soon herself?? But while I love our plucky heroine, I love her plucky best friend/sidekick even more. Na Kyung Shim doesn’t get that much screen time, but in the scenes she gets she shines as a sweet and snarky girl, who just wants the best for her friend. And I just have such a weakness for those kinds of characters. 

(Also if you haven’t watched Strong Woman Do Bong Soon and you’re looking for a new rom-com kdrama to watch you should totally pick this one) 

7. Chaewoon (Love Barometer) 

I’ve talked about my foray into Korean webcomics before, but in those posts I neglected to mention Love Barometer, and that is a crime that I must correct. 

Love Barometer is one of the cutest romance manhwas that you will ever read and I stand by that statement until my inevitable demise. The thing I love about it? The lack of unneeded drama. Our heroine Chaewoon has a good head on her shoulders and that means that most problems that might, in other manhwas, drag on for entire volumes before getting resolved, don’t exceed more than two chapters here. And it’s wonderfully refreshing. (Also the romance!!! Is so cute!!! I’m going to die!!!). 

(The series is on Lezhin FYI and I think the first 30 chapters are like free to read.)

8. Road Kamelot (D. Gray-man) 

Listen: I have loved Road Kamelot since I first saw her at age 13 and I have loved her ever since. My first online blog had her photo as the header and the only D. Gray-man fic I ever tried writing was Allen/Road. I would gladly give up my life for her, which probably makes it a good thing that she’s not real. Nonetheless... I love her. 

Road’s featured here because I’ve been catching up with the new chapters of D. Gray-man and wow has that been a trip (still can’t get my head around certain plot twists). I think I might give my Allen/Road fic another try... 

(Also if you’ve never heard of D. Gray-man before, you should give it a go if exorcists are like your thing.) 

9. Ren Kougyoku (Magi) 

(Beautiful edit made by @skania) 

My love for Road Kamelot can only be rivaled by my love for Ren Kougyoku (and I just realized that both of their initials are R. K. :O what could this mean?!?) and they definitely share some similarities, starting with the fact that they will both kick your ass if you cross them. I feel like a proud mother, watching Kougyoku grow from being a princess ashamed of being “lowborn” to a proud and beloved Empress T_T 

I’ve finally read the last few chapters of Magi and honestly? It’s always sad to finish a manga that you’ve been reading for a long time, but in this case the farewell was made easier by the fact that the whole last arc of Magi was disappointing, which meant that I could say a preemptive farewell to it a year earlier. But although the ending was anti-climatic, at least I can rest assured that Kougyoku’s character arc was, for the most part, wonderfully executed, and that her friendship with Alibaba will go on for their lifetimes. ( “Alikou 4ever!” my shipper heart cries, but I shove it down and tell it to save its energy for fic writing). 

10. Renee Walker (The Foxhole Court) 

Oh Renee, love and light of my life. You are possibly the only Christian character whose moralizing I enjoy, because from you it actually makes sense and doesn’t sound patronizing. 

Renee’s one of the most beloved characters in the fandom and I don’t think my reasons for loving her are particularly unique; One of her most-quoted (aka most used in photosets and moodboards and whatnot) lines is “I am a bad person trying very hard to be a good person” and that’s the appeal–at first glance, she’s a harmless, goody-two-shoes Christian, but the truth is she has one of the darkest backstories out of anyone in the series, still carries that darkness around because it’s still needed, and that speaks to her strength. What a badass bundle of goodness she is. 

(Btw The Foxhole Court is a book series that reads like an angsty YA series and a sports manga combined, so if that in any way sounds appealing to you, you should give it a go.) 

[brilliantorinsane]

A Good Man

Before watching BBC Sherlock I had never read ACD, largely because I had somewhere picked up the ridiculous notion that cannon Holmes is cold and unfeeling. When I finally started watching the show, with considerable skepticism, I was certainly intrigued by the storytelling and instantly drawn to John and fascinated by Sherlock. Nevertheless, there seemed reason to fear that it was going to offer exactly what I didn’t want to see: a story about a detective who one is expected to love because he is clever and sexy and abrasive, but who has no real heart to him. That, I knew, was a story I would struggle to invest in. 

But then, John asked why Lestrade let Sherlock hang around. And Lestrade began by admitting that he was desperate for the help; but then he added this:

That was it. That, right there, is the line that sold me on the show. I’ll admit it feels a bit heavy-handed; but it is one of my favorite lines anyway because it gave me permission to love Sherlock in all his faults and in the eager hope that he would develop into the good man he already showed glimpses of becoming. That was the first arc I became invested in, long before I shipped  Johnlock and even before I fully latched onto John and Sherlock’s friendship. So Lestrade’s line in TPF: “He’s better than [a great man]: he’s a good one,” ought to have felt deeply satisfying: the culmination of the story arc that drew me into this series in the first place. But it didn’t. In fact, I saw the line coming a few beats before it was spoken and positively grimaced when it was actually spoken.

There are a lot of reasons the line is so unsatisfying, of course, the primary one being the deeply unsatisfying nature of the whole episode and the flood of cheap, rushed callbacks in the last few minutes. There is also the fact that it is clumsily delivered (in terms of writing, not acting), and that Lestrade wasn’t present for the events of TFP, increasing the sense that the statement didn’t grow organically from this moment of the story. But I think there is also a broader reason this line feels wrong: it is not only misplaced within the episode, but misplaced within the series as a whole. The statement appears either too late or too early in Sherlock’s development: the timing isn’t right.

(Continued below the cut, because this wound up rather longer than expected!)

For the first three seasons, the show plays with our perceptions of Sherlock. Nearly every episode gives us a glimpse of his great heart—only to give an alternate explanation which leaves room to question whether his ‘emotions’ are a cover for his sociopathy or his ‘sociopathy’ is a cover for his emotions. Below I listed what I see as the development of this question throughout the first three seasons, and its eventual answer (or near answer) in HLV:

ASiP: Sherlock is a detective who saves the innocent and brings the guilty to justice—but he supposedly does it only as a cure for boredom and cares nothing for the lives involved.

TBB: I don’t think there are any major instances here; it’s more a continual juxtaposition of seemingly contradictory behaviors: giving John his card but then shutting him out (literally and figuratively); his rudeness to Sarah vs his gentleness when he saves her, etc.

TGG: This is one of the episodes in which the existence of Sherlock’s heart (in terms of his ability to care in general, not romantically yet) is put under heavy scrutiny, culminating in his obvious distress over the death of the old women, which next moment is said to be merely his frustration over having lost the game and to have nothing to do with any emotions about the lives lost. However, TGG does end with explicit and unrefuted confirmation of Sherlock’s heart at the pool scene. After this moment one can no longer deny that he has some heart; but there are plenty of questions left unanswered (at least on a textual level). Apparently he is capable of caring; but is he capable of romantic love? (Not that he would be some sort of unfeeling monster if he wasn’t, obviously. But it is a question the show is clearly interested in interrogating) Does he care more about his friends or his work? Would he be sacrifice himself for his friends, as John proved willing to sacrifice for Sherlock in TGG? These, in that order, are the questions interrogated in season 2—interrogated, but left unresolved.

ASiB: (for a casual viewer) Sherlock seems to be showing romantic interest in Irene, possibly even to be heartbroken over her ‘death.’ But then comes the final deduction, and it’s apparent that he was frighteningly cold and detached to the entire time—to an extent that might almost make one question TGG’s refutation of sociopathy. Then the second turn—he saves Irene, even keeps her phone as a memento! But what does that mean?? Simply that, as TGG demonstrated, he is capable of caring about those in distress? Or that he did have romantic feelings for Irene and his detachment during the deduction scene was a façade?

THoB: After pushing John away under the influence of the drug, Sherlock has what appears to be a deeply heartfelt apology scene with John—it is clear that this friendship means a great deal to him, and he is willing to work to maintain it. He even makes John coffee as a further apology! Until . . . it turns out that, directly on the heels of the ‘beautiful proof of his affection,’ he is attempting to drug said object of affection without John’s knowledge, knowing John has PTSD, and having recently been completely unhinged by the drug himself. Although his compassionate treatment of Henry at the end, together with “going to see a man about a dog,” acts as reassurance that he is not utterly devoid of ‘sentiment,’ the sequence leaves a bad taste in the mouth. If Sherlock is willing to subject John to such an experience purely for the sake of casework, just when their friendship is on more tenuous ground than normal, how much does he really value that friendship? Does the work still mean more to him than his best friend? 

TRF: Here is the answer, right? Now we get our final proof! Yes, the episode flirts with the possibility of Sherlock’s emotional detachment in the way he cuts John off again; in the Richard Brook ‘reveal’; and in his indifference to Mrs. Hudson’s supposed death; but in the end all is revealed: all of that was done to protect John and those he loves. He will sacrifice everything for them: his comfort, his city, his work. And while he survived somehow, one feels certain that he would have sacrificed his life as well if there hadn’t been another way. They episode even hints at a confirmation that he does experience romantic love—that sure looked like a love confession to Molly. To top it off, the episode is concluded with a declaration of the fulfillment of Lestrade’s hopes when John declares Sherlock to be “the best and wisest man that I have ever met.” And so,  for two long years during the hiatus following TRF, the audience was left without a doubt of Sherlock Holmes’s great heart. Then . . . TEH happened.

TEH: I don’t know how the TJLC fandom reacted to TEH as I wasn’t around at the time; but as a casual viewer I found it deeply frustrating. Watching it felt like seeing all of that heart I was certain had been revealed in TRF systematically dismantled—or at least called into question. Yes, there was evidence that Sherlock wanted John around, and Sherlock diving into the fire for John was a relieving oasis of confirmation that yes, he cares. But everything else . . . First Sherlock claims to expect that John’s life was simply put on hold while he was away, as if John has no agency or being apart from him. Then, in contrast to all the fulfilling explanations I could have thought up for Sherlock not telling John about his ‘death,’ he pulls out the remarkably unsatisfying: “I didn’t tell you you might not have seemed sad enough; even though I wasn’t concerned about the 30 other people I told, including my parents who most people would expect to grieve most heavily and yet who didn’t even bother to show up at the funeral”! And then there is the explanation of the fall given to Anderson, in which Sherlock claims that the fall was meticulously planned out months in advance, long before the snipers came into play, and John was simply never informed because, you know, apparently it would be more convenient not to have him tagging along, and if John was told ahead of time he might complicate the Holmes brothers’ grand scheme by not crying enough. Nah, better to let him live in terror for a while and then let him grieve for two years. And THEN, as if to rub salt into the wound, the scenario repeats in miniature in the train car—for a moment it looks as if Sherlock is panicking at the prospect that he might have led John to his death and is desperate for John’s forgiveness; next moment it turns out that some if not all of it was another ruse whereby Sherlock allowed John to suffer terror and loss just to get him to say some nice words. This scene also ensures that the audience is forced to doubt the validity of John’s “best and wisest man speech” by having him repeat it just before Sherlock starts looking—yet again—as if he might be a sociopath after all. Of course, as usual all of this could be seen two ways: Sherlock might not be telling the whole truth about why he didn't told John he was alive; we are explicitly told to question Sherlock’s narration of the fall; the train car could have been Sherlock genuinely panicking for John’s safety then later taking advantage of the heightened emotion because he is desperate for John’s forgiveness and doesn’t know how to procure it (which is still a dick move; but a whole lot better than the alternative interpretation). To some extent I saw that possibility, and I never really believed for a moment that Sherlock might actually be heartless. Nevertheless, I sat there stunned at how they had somehow managed to make Sherlock’s grand sacrifice look like it could be the action of a high-functioning sociopath obsessed with grand puzzles, heedless of the damage he leaves in his wake, caring nothing about John’s well-being and simply wanting an adoring puppy to follow him around tossing out compliments (but only when convenient—when inconvenient he can be kicked to the wayside, to be swept back up at Sherlock’s leisure). As little as I believed that narrative, at the time I couldn’t see my way out of at least some deeply disappointed conclusions. It galled me. And it left anyone who prefers to see Sherlock as an unfeeling machine with plenty of material.

TSoT: After TEH, this was a delightful relief. Sherlock’s motives surrounding the fall were still unclear; but at least clearly regretted it. He was obviously pouring himself into making this as good as possible for John, and mourning the loss of his friend he had made mistakes, and his past decisions still weren’t sitting right with me; but just look at how he adores John Watson! Yet even this revelation is temporarily interrogated yet again in the first half of HLV: first Sherlock hasn’t been in contact with John for a month; and supposedly it has nothing to do with his spiraling emotionally after losing John—it’s all for a case! And then there is Janine, and his callous treatment of her makes one wonder whether he has learned anything about caring about the needs of others when it isn’t convenient for “the Work” after all; and now all of a sudden he seems to have had a hidden agenda even at John’s wedding!! And there I was again, terribly frustrated; because I wouldn’t complain about Sherlock having faults (which he clearly has in abundance) but why did the show have to propose a heartless alternative explanation for every major caring or selfless action Sherlock ever commits??? And then . . . 

HLV: Finally, finally, FINALLY: the second half of HLV. From the moment Sherlock runs to Redbeard in his mind palace to the instant in which he shoots Magnusson—the moment in which he sacrifices his life and his work openly and unambiguously, with no possibility of ulterior motive, for the man he has come to love so deeply—there is no more debate. That which fans deduced and many casuals believed long ago has been confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt: Sherlock’s ‘sociopathy’ has never been anything but a protective cover for that great heart—albeit a cover that was beginning to resemble the truth through Sherlock’s concerted effort before John brought all his desperate work crashing down. And if Lestrade had been privy to this moment and declared Sherlock to be a good man now, in this moment when Sherlock finally granted his heart open and unambiguous conquest over his cold mask—well, it might still have felt a bit on the nose, but the timing would have felt right.

But . . . at the end of TFP? That doesn’t seem right at all. It’s not (thank goodness) that they yet again call Sherlock’s heart into question during TAB and s4—sure he is still an insufferable a great deal of the time, but his prioritization of those he loves over his work and his willingness to sacrifice himself for them is reiterated over and over. The thing is, on a textual level, his character development doesn’t go beyond reiteration. In terms of quantity, s4 might increase our perspective of the depth of deep his loyalty and love—although even TLD, it seems to me, demonstrates this more fully than TFP—but (again, on a purely textual level) in terms of quality he has made no forward progress beyond mere continuation. So when Lestrade drops the “good man” line that is supposed to bring the series full circle, we are left asking: why now? In what way did TFP complete Sherlock’s growth that HLV did not? That line could have been thrown in anywhere post-HLV and it would have fit equally well (or equally badly). The end of HLV would have been a far better place for the line. Yes, it would have been better . . . but perhaps not the best.

After all, as we all know there is one more question about Sherlock’s heart that it yet to be answered; a question that, for all Mofftiss’ protests, has been relentlessly harped on in a way impossible to miss even from a purely textual, heteronormative perspective; interrogated in ASiP, ASiB, TAB, TLD, and endless smaller moments in between: the question of whether Sherlock feels romantic love.

Let me reiterate again: I do not equate being a complete and good human being with being in a romantic relationship or with experiencing sexual or romantic attraction. However, IF Sherlock does experience romantic attraction, and IF he is in love with a certain John H Watson, then for him specifically the journey from great man to good man is not yet completed in its fullness. Because if Sherlock is hiding away that love, his development is not fulfilled by being willing to die for John; he must find the courage to disclose himself fully to the man he loves, and he must learn not to die, but to live with him and for him, in a far deeper mutuality, not the relationship of savior/damsel in distress that Sherlock—by loving but refusing to be loved—has perpetuated.

I’ll end this ridiculously long post with one final observation: Sherlock has been called a good man three times now—twice by John and once by Lestrade (or three times by John if you subscribe to TFP is John’s TAB theory). But as we have relentlessly reminded each other over these last two months, “people always give up after three,” and I like to think Sherlock’s goodness will be declared one last time. And while the declaration was not false in the first three instances, this time the fullness of its truth will have come to pass, and the timing will finally be right.

[lifescominguproses]

TJLC Thoughts

Ok so..... I know I’m not a TJLC blog (even though the only reason I come on tumblr nowadays is to look at the tag ha) but I need to vent and process...... because I literally feel like I’m going insane. So bear with me lovelies, (this shit’s gonna be long and probably full of grammatical errors).

I absolutely love Sherlock, have done for awhile, even though I didn’t get into it as soon as it came out. I knew about Johnlock and TJLC way before I started watching, and didn’t really think much of it at the time. Then.... (there’s always a but) it became everything. I was obsessed. I not only loved the show because of its mystery and brilliant writing/plot lines, but also because of the obvious, heart-wrenching, all-consuming love between Sherlock and John.

Of course I saw it. Of course I thought “how can these two brilliant characters not be totally and utterly in love with each other?” I’ll admit, sadly, that I was the only one in my family who saw it that way. Does that make me smarter than them in the context of watching the show? I have absolutely no idea. Because right now, in the lead up to TFP, I’ve never been so nervous, so unsure, and so disappointed.

Because, I’m now 99% convinced that the way we all saw it, was not the way the writers intended it to be seen at all. To us, it was obvious, they (JxS) were *in* love. Does anything else need to be said? Yes, yes it does. Although its a very ‘base - level’ example, I feel like I should point to the picture (randomly found, but felt extremely relevant to my poor obsessed brain).

Maybe this whole time we were looking *too* deep; reading into subtext when there really wasn’t any (although I’ll get to this in a minute, Moftiss you fucks.) This is essentially my first ‘meta’ so I’m just going to go ahead and ramble. Yes Johnlock is about friendship, and yes its even a romance. But in the context of the show, does it really matter which one prevails? Can’t a relationship feel like both without the need for sex? Could John and Sherlock really be ‘soulmates’ and ‘life partners’ that don’t feel the need to “have sex or make out on the couch” every night? Because I feel like that's what Moftiss was trying to tell us all along; that we were being too ‘pedestrian’ (can’t think of another word so eh) when we should have been using ‘higher - level thinking’. (I have a feeling the whole “it is what it is” comes into it here, but im way too tired to go into that ahah).

Now, as much as this is what I believe is truly going on, I absolutely fucking hate it. Of course as Johnlock shippers we want them to be explicit in their love. And for some of us this means said “making out on the couch” scenes need to be shown. But after reading practically everything to do with TJLC, Moftiss and TFP spoilers, I really don’t think that’s ever going to happen. What I think WILL happen, is that we’ll keep seeing exactly what we have been seeing, which to us appears spectacularly obvious yet annoyingly ambiguous at the same time. That is, we’ll keep seeing them pining over each other when they’re apart (even because it’s their own choice *cough* John Watson *cough*), we’ll keep seeing them saving each other from the danger that is their lives, we’ll keep seeing them spiral into depression without the other one around to help, we’ll keep seeing declarations of love masked by words like “mate”, we’ll keep seeing them choose each other again and again. Because that’s just the way it is between them, they know it, the writers know it, and even we know it. We just wanted *it* to be different. We just wanted *it* to be shown in a different, more explicit, way. To the writers it doesn’t even need explaining.

Now onto my brief (hahah yea right) “fuck you moftiss rant.”

WHY THE EVER-LOVING FUCK CAN’T IT BE SHOWN THE WAY WE WANT?! Every single adaption of Sherlock Holmes has the same relationship aesthetic. The “John and Sherlock against the rest of the world” type thing is literally fucking everywhere. It’s even in the fucking video games. I mean, I get it. I get that you guys wanted to keep this part of the story alive, its great, it’s beautiful and it warms our hearts. But it is supposed to be a modern adaption after all. And you know what one of the biggest fucking modern issues is? Yeah you guessed it, LGBTIQ rights. Now, I should probably point out here that I am completely 100% straight. I’m a girl that likes guys and all that shit. But I live in a country where where same-sex marriage isn’t a reality (my hatred for that fact is a whole other point) and where same sex couples get treated differently to those in hetero-sexual relationships (seriously, fuck you Australia).

Now I know it’s highly unlikely that moftiss were to ever intentionally queer bait us, being the type of people I think that they are, but man they didn’t think some things through. I know in the first season/s the constant questioning and subtext over John and Sherlock’s sexuality (”confirmed bachelor”, “will you be needing two bedrooms”, “isn’t really my area,” “I’m not actually gay”..... ffs moftiss really?!) was meant to be both an outlet for humor and a throw-back to TPLOSH. But come on! Like seriously! At some point a repeated joke stops being funny! If they didn’t intend for it to mean anything in the grand scheme of the show, why continue to use it as a plot device? Obviously to some people (like my parents) it was just a joke; a running gag if you will, that wasn’t meant to be read into (I’m not sure whether I pity or envy you lot). Why would moftiss put all this effort into making us question John and Sherlock’s sexuality (ahem Irene fucking Adler) just to disregard it in the end? I seriously don’t even know. Maybe just to show that Sherlock really is human after all? Yeah I got no clue. 

Now, onto TFP.

To me, going along this whole “we’re being too pedestrian” theory, the “love conquers all” thing is actually pretty simple. Love will conquer all, but we’re not talking love in any sort of specific sense here. We’re talking in pretty general terms. I feel like the massive climax to this episode (and apparently the whole show) will be to explain Sherlock. That is, we’ll see his past and his (probably) traumatic childhood where some shit happened with the siblings and Sherlock became an emotionally repressed drug addict because of that. We’ll essentially be seeing the reason as to why Sherlock is the way that he is. Of course love’s going to come into that. My bet is that ‘love’ in whatever sense of the term, will be the thing to save Sherlock and everyone else in the end. He’s finally going to allow himself to love (in whatever way) after being an emotionally repressed idiot for so long. Therefore, I’m betting the iconic “I Love You” is damn important, just not in the way we want it to be.

Now, I don’t know exactly how any of that will make ‘lets make television history’, ‘insane wish-fulfillment’, etc make any sense. I mean sure, Mycroft or Molly or John or even Sherlock could die, Moriarty could come back from the dead, he could even be related to Sherlock and have been playing a ‘long game’ since their childhood (although Moriarty and Sherlock related would actually be really freaking cool in terms of the story). I’ve got these thoughts and more going through my head as to what could possibly be the “plot reason” for all of moftiss’s promotional spiel. It’s going to be different for everyone as to what ‘makes television history’. So lets be honest, moftiss are probs just laying it on too thick ahah.

I mean, I’d love Johnlock to happen in the way that we want it to. I’d die if he said “I love you” to John, I’d probably explode if they kissed. But its just not going to happen that way. Honestly, even if it did, wouldn��t it just take away from every other single aspect of the episode? Wouldn’t the most important part of this episode be the mystery? (aka, Sherlock’s backstory arc etc)? If Johnlock happened in this episode, it would be the only thing every single viewer (shipper or not) would be thinking about. Shippers would be going nuts, non-shippers would just be confused as hell for the rest of the show.

Yes, they could do Johnlock at the end in the “apparently missing 4 minutes” (credits, people) after everything’s resolved, but again it would be the only thing people remember. Is that what moftiss want’s the audience to remember more than anything else? I don’t think that it is.

I know they’re giant freaking liars and we shouldn’t trust absolutely anything that they say, but going on the countless times where they basically shut us all down (they could have done that in a nicer way tbh and I’m frankly pissed off about that), I’m not betting on explicit Johnlock at all. I mean, to them, its already been done.

I could be completely wrong.God, I hope I’m completely wrong. I just don’t want to be disappointed. Because I already feel soul-crushingly disappointed and it sucks. The whole show is doing my head in and I just want some bloody answers. So yeah, this is my way of trying to make sense of everything’s that been stuck in my head for the past few weeks, and it may not make any sense to you guys at all. Just thought I’d put it out there.

By the way if anyone out there has anything to add I’d love to hear, I’d love to discuss..... I Haven’t really actively gotten into the fandom until now but I’ve observed from the outside and I must say, I freaking love you guys, and I live off fanart and fanfiction! :D xoxo