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kimyoonmiauthor · 1 month ago

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Media Literacy Checks

I figure books are a bit too high brow, but I thought I would write a review of roughly 5-6th grade media literacy 'cause I've found a lot of people have forgotten and that's sad (I'm not sure what these are in other countries). I tried roughly in order.

Check everything you find for a source before you believe it. Check opponents and yourself.

If a source is given, check that source. (Usually I check the most used sources and then choose a random other on a key supporting assertion).

Primary, Secondary, Tertiary Source

Check your sources' reliability

Check left, center, right leaning bias

Check for Media Bias

Remember that Google's algorithm is f*ed.

If given a medical journal/article, read more than the Abstract, particularly read the methodology, bias, funding, and conclusions.

Check for your own biases in information.

If counter attacking, with a fact check, check your own sources.

Quick checks:

Is the population of the study 250+?

What is the confidence level/error rate of the study?

Who is in the population of the study/experiment?

Does the methodology make sense or is it filled with bias?

Check everything you find for a source before you believe it. Check opponents and yourself.

I see people plain believe it because it was posted to Twitter, Facebook or Instagram, without earmarking it that it might not be true because it fits with your worldview, also not updating what you do or don't know.

You buy more because a guy said when you're hungry you buy more. Proves to be untrue and was updated since.

A simple fact check sometimes is really quick. Is this true?

If a source is given, check that source.

Trump posted a source, I checked that source. It turned out they looked at the graph without reading the text above the graph. What they stated what the graph meant was contradicted by the text. Two second check.

Trump made a wild statement about insurance. I fact checked the number given. He stated it was about ALL of the US, the original source, of which I could only find one, was about a particular state of which the number spanned a long period of time.

(BTW, this this the power of the quotation mark in Google and the minus before a word).

Someone stated that burnt carbs leads to cancer. I checked the source. The source said they made the material purposefully radioactive and applied it to skin. I pointed this out, so they linked me to other sources, like cancer.org. cancer.org had taken down the page apparently after reading the original study. The other sources lead to dead ends (i.e. 404s). I pointed out that this was true and they still did not answer me. (BTW, it was the org that did the OMG, we made something radioactive, and it was the material that made the person have cancer, not the radioactivity. We made an apple radioactive. Therefore the apple gives people cancer. WTF. You don't think it's the radioactivity that you ADDED to the apple or selection bias?)

Primary, Secondary, Tertiary Source

But I heard it from my VP, who heard it from a Facebook page owner, who heard it from her neighbor, who might have heard it from another neighbor, who might have heard it from 3 more chains of people, but I'm not sure who they are.

So this is the grapevine problem and if you've been paying attention, oral storytelling often has exaggerations inherent in it to make it easier to remember. (Often with hand gestures too)

Primary sources, Secondary and Tertiary aren't always reliable. But when it's down 10 without primary sourcing, then yes.

Primary sources, if you were paying attention in school, can be unreliable because of the adrenaline messing with memory issues. But having a primary account can often help clear what they actually said (Say, finding out that Freytag is a pre-Nazi ideologue who centered emotion as the story driver instead of listening to the very wrong internet on what he thought the story driver was and giving you the real story, which I bothered to do.) So, for example, having the bill of sale of George Washington's slaves helps clear up date confusion.

Secondary Sources

At the same time, Primary sources won't clear up different PoVs on a large event. So answering, "What really happened during the civil war" you need a secondary source to do an overview. Secondary sources have the weakness of selection bias and confirmation bias. They can select the accounts that confirm their suspicions without investigating the primary source. This is why having multiple Secondary sources helps.

Tertiary is anything outside of the first or second hand account. Second hand can be still too close to do an overview. But this has the weakness that if the primary sources are missing, (See Samguk Yusa's weaknesses.) that the tertiary source cannot be checked.

I didn't check back with my source

This lady lost her cat, must be Haitian neighbors. News reporters check back with source. "Oh I found the cat months ago in my basement and apologized to my Haitian neighbors... why are you asking me again?"

If you don't check back with your source, you can also make up whatever you like about the source, not give credit and then say crap like OMG, Shakespeare created the five-act story structure, even if that's historically untrue as I well covered over and over and over again and the myth of the Black Friars candles still persists in Lit classes today to tell everyone this is how plays were done, not that it was invented much later in history and retconned into place mostly by AH genocidal Gustav Freytag.

Thus you get Kenneth Rowe plagiarizing 2 people. Lajos Egri hating on women repeatedly, mostly Dorothy Brande (not named, but sideways mentioned) and poor Gertrude Stein again (though by name) and failing to mention Freytag, etc.

Check your sources' reliability

Right posted this claim from this guy in a town hall meeting saying that "Cats went missing in the Park" and then conveniently cut out the part where he advocated for red lining, making him wholly racist. The beginning of the statement talked about how the residents were afraid of Black people moving into the town and how there should be a segregation between where Black people were going to live and the white residents. How reliable is the "But cats are missing" statement then? Not very. That's why that part of the speech was cut off.

Check left, center, right leaning bias

This is a pretty quick google source, but there are resources that do this for you.

Check for Media Bias

Covered by our sponsor, XO Bagel, which is why we rated them the top number one bagel on this list of bagels.

Sponsored by the EA game changers network. I got a free version of the game for reciprocity bias.

Remember that Google's algorithm (all Algorithms) is f*ed.

Google automatically has set your search results to go towards your political spectrum. You can turn this off. But remember that it's customized to you. So if you do 300 searches, say on how cats are a figment of everyone's imagination. And click through to those articles, then when you say search for Are dogs real compared to cats, the anti-cat articles are going to show up. Just because it shows up first on Google, does not mean it has rigor. They let go of that model in the 2010's.

This goes for Facebook, Twitter, blue sky, etc. The Algorithm will show more of the thing the more that you click and interact on. certain subject. It's the terf raging in the comments, OMG, why, why do I keep seeing trans "surgeries" that must be an uptick of the occurrence of the phonomena. Nope. It's you clicking and posting under those things that made it happen more frequently without checking the source's reliability before believing it.

If given a medical journal/article, read more than the Abstract, particularly read the methodology, bias, funding, and conclusions.

Do I have to cover the monkey pox thing again? Again, articles from science orgs are particularly paid for put shocking things in their abstract that do not pan out in the actual paper if you read it in order to get wider funding because the government pays them shit amount of money, so they try to state things that aren't true.

Burnt carbs cause cancer—what the article says, we made burnt carbs radioactive, put it on skin and then were "Shocked" when it mildly caused cancer, which then through rigorous testing without the radioactivity--other orgs were "shocked" that it didn't cause cancer, and then we were called out about it, and then linked to the orgs who had disconnected their websites because the rigorous testing had failed and oh fuck, now our funding is looking terrible.

Bacteria in mice causes AUTISM.—Never mind that autism isn't really defined for mice, but whatever. Let's roll with that title, though the experiment was only done once in only one country and we might have fudged the results of the final study to get funding and there was never a repeat of the experiment to say it was true, and the news media ran wild to try to say that mice==humans. And then people try to say from there that vaccines cause autism after the initial bad study where that doctor's license was revoked. Mice are not humans.

Women are not likely to have period pain and are faking it, declares article conducted with only men. lol

This is why you look at the methodology of the study. Does it pass the benchmarks? Or are they publishing early to only get funding because the governments of the world don't want to fund it and they are fudging it anyway? Looking at you Dunning Kruger effect.

Check for your own biases in information

Common ones include things like loving the fancy name of a study to memorize to look smart.

Chekovsky-Ledding Syndrome, sounds cool and plays into my confirmation bias, even though I didn't read the original study, so I'm going to abuse it even though I don't know an ounce of psychology because man, don't I look smart when I say if you go to a grocery store hungry you buy more even if this hasn't be rigorously tested?

BTW, this is a made up syndrome, and the actual study was debunked: https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/2019/01/16/do-people-actually-buy-more-groceries-when-they-shop-hungry/

Methodology is a video game? Oh c'mon. And the population is only 68 people. No.

I see all of you out there abusing Imposter syndrome, trying to look smart when what you really mean is inferiority complex, but you don't want to use inferiority complex because Oh man, that doesn't sound as cool.

I'm telling you, if you feel like 250 words written is imposter syndrome, your ego must be to the distance of Kuiper belt. Go back and read the original assertions and article instead of blindly parroting others. It says, something fantastic happens to you that you feel you do not deserve. And I'm sorry, if you think 250 word written is the equivalent of being from a minority group that has been historically marginalized and being told all of their life that they, from a poor broken down neighborhood with an unprecedented amount of gun violence, and trauma were never, ever going to make it was going to end up in an IVY League school as Cum Laude of their class, such that they have an out of body experience, that they feel they cheated and did not deserve it then seriously, seriously, unless you really did overcome like inspiration porn level odds, like losing both arms and legs, and losing all speech and then having to type only with your eyes to write those 250 words, then your ego is sure something. Your hubris at claiming imposter syndrome sure is high there. You can be angry at being called out, but it doesn't change the fact that you fell for a bias because you didn't want to call it what it was, inferiority complex. But dude, it doesn't sound as cool. Seriously, my fellow writers stop falling for but it sounds cool type of bias and actually know what it means before you use it.

Is this thesaurus syndrome? Did I just make that up? Yes. Does it sound like a good name of a syndrome and bias? Absolutely. Should I give it a more sciencey and false basis so you believe it.

In a study of 5 participants who were given fancier versions of words, done by the University of Halifax, in St Paul, New South Wales, 10 people were given fancy long words they did not understand, but 5 were found to be too smart for the study because they actually looked up the words they were assigned with search engines and dictionaries and thus thrown out.

The remaining five stayed in the study and failed to use a dictionary to actually look up the words and proceeded to use the words wrong in everyday speech for one month. We never gave them an actual thesaurus, but only gave them the category of meaning the word was in such as mood, object, subject and then watched them fail and recorded all of their speech flagging only the sentences they used with this speech.

We found that two of the people in the study were writers and they were the worst offenders.

We would like to know why one of the participants used "amalgamate" to mean to gather together in a large set of groupings, when Websters defines it as, "transitive verb : to unite in or as if in an amalgam; especially : to merge into a single body;" but didn't bother to ask them why this is and so we're making wild conjectures.

We are calling this thesaurus syndrome and are calling for more funding, but we're hoping you didn't read this far into the article and only read the abstract and were attracted to the stunning reality and great title given to this syndrome... because ya'll are suckers who don't read anything when you're over-saturated with information.

Other things are such as false attribution, because things like Author didn't say this about Rue being Black even though she said it over three times.

And the more famous, Tolkien would have hated Black elves, because clearly he loved the Nazis. (He didn't BTW). When what you're really stating is you didn't read shit from Tolkien past The Hobbit and Lord of the Rings and don't want to bother with Silmarillion even though that's the source material for Rings of Power, and you're really disappointed that not all of the cast is white. And you can't figure out that 30 degrees north has all sorts of skin colors of humans on Earth where the Elves spawned because you never looked at a map. That's how deep-seated your racism is going that you need to attribute your racism to the author without evidence that your assertions are true without research. (Looking at the list of writing advice books, dudes, and dudettes and everyone in between, are we writers that made of weak sauce that we have to make out that our own opinions are all Shakespeare and Aristotle?)

If counter attacking, with a fact check, check your own sources

I admit I've fucked this one up royally a few times. *slinks off in corner*.

But yes, check your own sources, and if you can't wait some time before hitting send and give yourself time to check.

Especially if your surname is Trump. OMG, fact checking him is a minefield of I saw where you got that, but that's not what is said because you didn't even bother reading the full sentence.

And then repetition error. Where people copy-paste the orange one without checking his basis in fact. Because ya know, sounds good and shit.

Quick checks for paratext aren't a bad idea

Historicism, queer theory, feminist theory, critical race theory, critical feminist theory, critical queer theory, authorcism, cultural relativism, etc.

Death of the author, does not mean death of any context at all or over attribution to any of the former because you have an opinion supported by nothing but your opinion.

Problems with the source

Circular sourcing with a wrong argument

Particularly East and South Asian sources have issues with this, though the flavors of how and why are different.

So, I'll give one. Popular FICTION book states unnamed historical figure is Sriratna. New discovery about this character is found, so Korean source states popular book with this name is doing X and X. Indian sources, think because Korean sources state that her name is Sriratna, that's really her name. Korean sources think then that Indian sources confirmed for real that her name is Sriratna, but when you backtrack the sources and go back, it cites the Samguk Yusa. The Samguk Yusa says no such thing. The only name given is Heo Hwang Ok. Sri, BTW, is an honorific in this case (Mr. Mrs. ssi, etc), not supposed to be a part of the name. Furthermore, there are issues with the name Ratna, as it is a Hindi, but not Sanskrit name. But the circle jerk of confirmation bias in a vacuum of information makes it more likely that people will repeat a falsehood.

I had one where someone made a wrong statement based off of the Samguk Yusa. I picked up the book which referred to the Samguk Yusa, and it turned out that the Samguk Yusa said no such thing. The author noted it was interesting that... etc.

Another one that I've pointed out before is the whole sourcing on Ace. Where one particular author on ace, who is not ace himself, absolutely fucking insists (with his anti-trans ideology) to be inserted into every single paper about Aces and discounts primary sources as a valid way to source. And had a little fucking fit about it. !@#$ BTW, I hate him doing this and outright mocked him several times. And given there are only three major scholars on the subject and only one is actually ace and 2 out of the three are women, you probably can find who this one is. If everyone is (forced) to cite one source without any refutation, then yeah, that's circular sourcing. If he sources everyone that agrees with him, and shuns everyone who doesn't (even though that person is fucking ace. WTF dude you have no idea the rage I have, you ego that fragile when you aren't ace?), then they source him, that's not a great way to go.

Check for basic fallacies

Confirmation bias, Selection bias, and false equivalency are the most frequent ones I see. But I also often see Ethnocentricism trailing behind, but I think that's selection bias on my part being an anthropologist type. (Double here. I'm more likely to see it, and I'm more likely to post about it.)

Biased population

The famous one being, of course, studies about females using males as the primary test subjects. Look, these people who can't ever get pregnant nor give physical birth had no adverse side effects hormonally on this birth control pill and... look never got pregnant. Therefore the birth control works!

You have no idea how many studies are like this. Look, Black people don't have racial stress because we sampled only white people...

Always check the basis for the population. Age, etc.

Rats and Mice are not humans

Just that. Dogs can't eat chocolate. Humans can. Rats and mice are a far way off from humans. They are useful models, but it doesn't mean it 100% translates to humans.

An example of this, but a study of rats fed only mustard oil in really high concentrations caused them to have cancer. They then said it applied to humans. This would be equivalent of giving you nothing but mustard powder with scientifically concentrated to take out the mustard compounds and then being shocked, absolutely shocked that you got sick after the thirtieth day of feeding you nothing but this.

Biased opinion with Confirmation bias

"Vaccines cause autism" says anti-vaccine doctor funded by the Koch brothers...

I had a dicier one where there was a study done on mice where they found a gestational bacteria from the gut might cause autism-like symptoms in mice. But there were people who could not read scientific studies saying things like, "Oh, then vaccines cause autism." What~~? Because you can't understand the study, doesn't mean that it says what you want it to say. I had to point out that the title was sensational. That the paper specifically was asking for more funding, that it was a first experiment, and Mice are not humans?

Lacking one of the following: Logos, pathos, ethos

You need all three. Pathos makes no sense without logos. And if you don't have the correct ethos, then how are you really expecting that say, the experiment is true. If you skimmed on the experiment to make sure the results are true, how reliable are you?

Pathos is emotional appeal, which helps appeal to the emotions of the audience. Sometimes you do need empathy. But empathy and emotions can't be the sole argument.

Check the Experimental model for errors or overstatements

The amount of overstatements I've found in scientific studies is amazing.

We fed these rats nothing but this really specific compound found in soy at 400 times their body weight and intake for over three years and were shocked to discover they developed cancer. Several of the subjects died, and in the fifth year they were all dead. We do not think it's because the lifespan of rats is only five years long that they died, but because this compound found in soy is poisonous to humans.

Yeah, red flags. Where is the control? Are the amounts really terrible? Is the margin of upgrade negligible? a .05 increase with an error margin of + or - 5.0.

Was it even peer reviewed? Was it replicated?

Quick Statistics rules:

Margin of error is 2.5% on either side.

This is called outliers. Anything within the margin of error can be cooked numbers, statistical anomalies, etc. It's not confirmed. OMG, polls went up 1%. Within margin of error, so might be wrong, plus what's the population and bias of the researcher?

You want a confidence level of 95%. What is the confidence level of the stats before you?

Population error in most papers is a lot more common than you think.

Anything less than 250 does not count as a statistical certainty.

Anything that samples ONLY a certain group without examining why they are examining only that group, without it being part of the stated statistical model should be deeply questioned. For example, if they are asking, Why do women have period cramps? And the sample is examining ONLY cishet white men, you should be asking lots of questions about that.

Going back to the Monkeypox research article where people concluded that Gay men were more prone to Monkeypox without reading the paper. First off, it was in East London, which has a population bias towards the gay community. Second, East London is a poorer area. Thirdly, the paper stated the AIDS epidemic meant that gay people are more likely than straight people to report rashes, etc. Fourthly, and I don't know why I have to say this, any additional gay men they added to the paper and stated were "more likely to have it" were not reported evenly through their statistical analysis as the location of the clinics was not disclosed to vet out other population anomalies.

The old "But we researched on psychology students." "We collected on 45 Psychology students and found out that..." OMG, none of them are old and have a partial college education, but we're going to test them for Alzheimer's and found out that it doesn't exist.

We test 50 IVY League college PHD students in 2020 without financial aid and found that none of them suffer from poverty related illnesses. That's selection bias. A lot of the time science papers will come out with sensational titles to get people to read and then fail the selection biases or population biases. See, they need funding because they pooled 15 people to (excuse this because this is real) "find the cure for Autism." (Gag me.)

Most of the time human-based studies fail basic scientific/statistical rigor. 'cause sciences are underfunded, and they are doing more time marketing than they are doing actual rigorous experiments.

youtube

68 people is not enough. Then all being grad students is a terrible sample. Make sure the basis on what you are reading isn't coming from their ass. Make sure they checked for their own biases and gave their sources. If you flag them for not doing these things, and they react by being all indignant and failing to realize basic things like wheat is produced in the "Middle East" (as said in the video), so the first likely pasta is likely to come from there, rather than it coming back and that there is a huge amount of humans trying to retcon their own history because they didn't hire an anthropologist to check over their work, then yeah, I'd pretty much throw that work out and do your own research when you have time. Wild assertions to connect points is something a lot of docs do. Even some beloved documentarians I like very much do it to make the transitions look smoother.

The point is that a little doubt and be willing to pivot isn't a bad idea. Focus on getting the facts correct rather than your pride in being correct.

Oh and for those that love to overattribute to the greats without reading the people's paratext, please don't. If we had this schooling and people adhered to it all the way back to Aristotle, I wouldn't be banging the keyboard so much about wrong assumptions and miscalculations about story structure and finding out that people seem to have absolutely no idea about literature history at all.

Just saying, that you should at least understand 19th century lit, minimalism, modernism, post modernism, and structuralism before you make wild assertions about Elmore Leonard. And don't worry, I'm calling myself out here too, since I barely understood what advice I was cherry picking in the beginning either. But now that I understand the wider context, and where we are now, and how much our education system has failed us, I can make better assessments of if the advice is still useful. And YES, it does matter if the person is a raging misogynist on if their advice is good or not because they are discounting more than half of the population of writers and likely also LGBTQIA with it which means learning how to express yourself authentically with those voices and that point of view would be lacking in their discourse.

And then you sound really smart. But remember to check back with the sources... which is why I spend an inordinate amount of time citing page numbers and giving you screen caps of them. I mark assumptions too, and cite the larger book in a findable context. Because I am often wrong. And this might be a wrong assumption on my part, but I suspect every human on the planet has been wrong at one point or another during our paltry life cycles and terrible memories.

#basic statistics #media literacy #media critcism #things I learned in fifth grade #Youtube

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funarisjournal · 4 months ago

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Dreamtastic!

So, probably based on how long I was translating that commentary last night, and probably because I binged Episodes 1-7 via the DVDs yesterday (so, dramaverse was VERY into my head when I went to bed lol), I ended up dreaming about Tsukutabe - and remembering each dream - again. I had Twitter readily available on my phone, so I posted my log during the night and that's how I still remember all three.

If you've enjoyed my dream posts in the past: grab a snack, sit back and enjoy a triple feature!

Dream # 1 is both quick and not QUITE related to Tsukutabe. Only tangentially. I was drifting off while watching YT vids with my wife and it was during one of those drifts where I got this imagery.

So you have probably seen my post about Emi Nishino's "adventure" that she's doing right now. She's traveling the world as a breather from her summer schedule. Well, this dream was portrayed as if I was opening Instagram and viewing one of Manami Higa's story posts there. In it was a single picture. It was her, doing a selfie, at an airport. Her free hand had her finger against her lips (🤫) and she had some text on the story, sadly it was dream gibberish, but the focus was on a tall person in the background, back facing the camera.

I think my dream was trying to come up with a cute scenario of Higa surprising Nishino during her trip. One of the things Nishino had said during that one photoset from earlier this month was that she would video call Higa if she felt lonely ("and (she) will", she jokingly threatened lol). Putting 2 and 2 together, this dream scenario probably involved a recent phone chat, Higa figuring out where Nishino was, and surprise her with a friendly running-into for maybe a couple of days.

Dream #2 actually inspired me for a drawing I plan to work on soon! It was a summertime special. A full half hour of all four ladies - Nomoto, Kasuga, Nagumo and Yako - planning a day out on the beach! I remember a bonfire scene, where they chatted about past food parties and also cooked up some beach goodies. I also remember Nomoto and Kasuga having a Moment together.

The other two had already headed back to a hotel, I guess? But these two stayed behind a little longer, watching the sun set while they walked along the beach. I specifically remember Nomoto gently urging Kasuga to wade just a little into the water. Ankle deep. No swimsuits, just summer wear. The breeze was gentle and the setting sun was hitting the water at such a good angle, the water was sparkling, basically. It was a nice sight~

And now Dream #3. Another simple one, but longer than Dream #1. It seemed to have been loosely based on a couple of side comics (made in the early days, and I had recently opened to look at the night before) of Nomoto having this nightmare where she wanted to feed Kasuga spaghetti only to find the other woman decided to buy some from a convenience store.

The big difference was that it was the drama version of the ladies instead! There were a lot of new bits there, too, like Dream!Kasuga saying she was too hungry to wait...and Nomoto bolting awake and thinking, "No...I need to make this NOW before it's too late!" Lol

However, I didn't reach the part based off the end of the 2nd page of the source, where Nomoto's nightmare is completely forgotten upon hearing that Kasuga had a dream with her and that it was a good dream.

I would've loved to see how Drama!Nomoto would have reacted lol

#funari's texts #she loves to cook and she loves to eat #tsukutabe #dreams

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morimakesfanart · 2 years ago

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2020 Oct 10 -Lucid Dream: The Last Push to Make Sindria's Prophet

*It's my birthday, so I'm adding another chapter to the Adventures of Simpbad :D

*I have been lucid dreaming since around the age of 6. I keep a dream diary and draw parts. Sometimes I like what happens in my dreams so much that I use it in my stories; that's why I go by "Mori's Lucid Stories" for my original work.

*I have had several dreams involving Magi so I've decided to add them to the Adventures of Simpbad Collection :3 The art will mainly be edited photos of what I put in my dream diary. I will draw things digitally if I didn't end up drawing anything traditionally.

*This dream happened when I hit the first road block in writing Sindria's Prophet and was the push I needed to fix it and what lead me to choose to post Sindria's Prophet online :3 Also, I didn't think I would be posting this dream when I started drawing it, so the first half isn't as well drawn as the last few pages.

*The original versions of this are still up on Tumblr, Instagram, and Twitter. This version has a novel version of the dream added, and cleaned up art of the original photos of the pages.

*I did rewrite a bit of the text in the images, but please let me know if there's any part that still isn't legible. Also so everyone knows, all of the purple and pink was done with colored ink traditionally, so I tried to keep that feel with the edits.

~POV Mori~ I was having an anime convention dream. I get those fairly often since cons are some of the most liberating experiences I've had. I had finally accepted that I had been hyper fixating on Sinbad for the past 5 years. I had tried my hand at writing fics but most stayed as concepts and drafts. I decided to try writing my first self insert Isekai, and had hit a road block. Thinking so much about an anime/manga was probably why I was having an anime convention dream.

I passed by a manga seller and decide to take a look. The only official English translation of The Adventures of Sinbad was a short run the first few volumes in Singapore. But here in this dream someone was selling official English versions of every volume. It didn't matter if this was a dream, I was going to buy them!

Having successfully made my dream purchase, I wanted to go somewhere I could sit down and read them. As I was about to leave, a familiar color palette appeared in my peripheral vision. King Sinbad was standing by the same bookshelf I was just at!

I knew he was tall, but it's different seeing him in person. Even with all of my fixating on him, Sinbad had yet to appear in my dreams. He was right there though! 100000% That was Sinbad! But this was a convention dream. He could be a cosplayer and not the real deal. The line often gets blurred in my dreams so did it even matter?

Two gold eyes turned towards me and I ran for the cover of another bookshelf. He was gorgeous in person and my heart could not handle it! Who knows what would have happened if I actually talked to him?!

'But this is my dream!! There's no reason for me to run away.' This dream has no signs of becoming a nightmare, so I could still change or remove anything I didn't like. Sinbad would never be able to hurt me in a dream unless I let him. 'I have been under a lot of stress recently though...'

It was worth some risk, but not a big risk. I took out my phone and used the zoom function of the camera to get a closer look at him without having to get close enough to risk him talking to me. That was something I didn't think I could handle yet. I also didn't know how long I could handle being around him so I sneakily made my way to the exit like I originally planned. As I got close, the gold eye in my phone screen made contact with me, and Sinbad smirked. 'ABORT!' I ran the rest of the way out.

That was more than enough Sinbad for me, thanx. I was no longer used to experiencing any form of attraction, and it had become a bit of a trigger honestly. Liking someone could always be used against me. My ex fiance made sure I'd learn that lesson....

This was a good dream so far, so I would not dwell on such things!!! There was a whole rest of a dream con to explore. I could go to more venders for impossible finds, or a panel, or watch cosplayers or stalk Sinbad Watching cosplayers, it is!

--- I find that the dealers room is one of the best places for spotting cosplayers, so guess where I went back to?

Cosplay is always really cool regardless of skill level or accuracy. It shows passion and love for a story. And some can be very creative in taking characters into different styles. In this dream there was a crossover cosplay of someone dressed as Inuyasha, but done in the style of Hollow!Ichigo from bleach. They even had on white body paint, and contacts that made their corneas black. Given how full demon mode Inuyasha was, the idea of a hollow version was scary, and rad as hell. His claw attack would be devastating- And he was destroying the venders with the exact attack I was just thinking about! The cosplayer was no longer a cosplayer! This is the part of lucid dreaming that isn't always the greatest. I thought too hard about something and it became a real problem.

I yelled at my mistake, "Stop that right now!!"

To which the once cosplayer yelled back, "This is a dream! I do what I want!" And what he wanted was murder.

The audacity! "This is my dream! Step off!"

He attacked me! "You can't tell me what to do!"

I dodged it, and I was done playing. "Yeah, no." If diplomacy wasn't going to work then there was no reason to keep him in my dream. "If you're going to be violent, you can go. This whole part of the con can go." Sometimes it's easier to get rid of the whole area than just one person since the area can hold onto the emotions and make the same type of thing keep happening. If I don't nip it in the bud it could become a nightmare or night terror, and God knows I've had more than my fair share of those.

The entire room got cleared into a white void. There was a floor and walls where doors into the room were, but everything else was gone. My emotions returned to normal too. This empty room was still attached to the rest of the dream world, so convention goers started walking in and getting confused about the missing dealers' room. Creating a new place for venders would only risk things going violent again. I made comfy chairs and cushions for people to rest on while I figured out what to do with the cleared space.

--- My safest bet was to change the genre so I could have a different type of environment. It had been a while since I had a fun adventure dream. To keep it from going potentially violent again I made it like a play ground or obstacle course instead of an actual place with real danger. I grew up during the PS2 era of games so beaches and platforming like in Kingdom Hearts, Jak&Daxter, and Ratchet and Clank are hugely nostalgic, and have become symbols of safety and fun for me. And so I made a beach with an obstacle course, platforming, and a fake broken ship. And of course, with a change of scenery comes a costume change. I went for something that was a mix of dance clothes and reenactment clothes from when I was in a reenactment pirate band -there was fake broken pirate ship here after all. (I decided it was a pirate ship because that seemed more fun.)

There was a cuddle puddle of three people in one of the chairs I made. I left the manga I bought with them, telling them, "Guard this manga with your life!" before heading out to the obstacle course I had made.

As I gave them a two fingered salute, I noticed that a familiar purple haired King was standing behind them. Everything inside me knew it was the same Sinbad from earlier and, that like the Inuyasha cosplayer becoming real, this Sinbad was real. Those metal vessels weren't only for show. What's more was I was not emotionally ready for coping with feeling attraction and fear at the same time again.

So I jumped down onto the sandy platforms below.

I made dream versions of my some of my friends appear. Hopefully, they would be enough of a distraction to make the Sinbad vanish. I ended up summoning art friends from highschool and college though, so they refused to explore with me. Instead, they actively reminded me who had shown up. "If you don't get running, he's gonna catch up."

Sinbad jumped down onto the starting platform and I bolted down the obstacle course. It was clear that my subconscious wanted me to face this; even if I changed the dream Sinbad would appear again. I had two options: face Sinbad and my fear of my own feelings of attraction, or turn the dream off into nothingness. Ahead of me, the platforms were leading to the ruined pirate ship; the next part would be inside it. And like a video game, the water around us meant death.

Sinbad calling behind me, gave me my answer. I jumped into the water.

--- The dream above the surface couldn't reach me here. It was quiet and calm. I could drift there forever if I wanted to -or at least until I woke up. As the feeling of safety washed over me, I started feeling bored. I had made a whole puzzle plaformer and I didn't even get to go through it! I had been in the nothing for a while; maybe Sinbad was gone.

There was no way I'd be that lucky. If nothing else, I could come up far enough away to have a chance to brace myself before he reaches me. I swam to the edge of an area further down the course. When I breached the surface of the water, I tried to will myself out faster than I could climb up. Two hands reached down to help pull me onto land. 'Who was I trying to fool...?' Of course, Sinbad would appear as soon as I returned.

He smiled down at me as I was finally standing on land again. "There you go."

"I could have gotten out on my own." Gosh, even to my own ears I sounded like a tsundere. This was the best I could do with my trust issues, huh? Dreams make emotional regulation harder too.

Sinbad's smile didn't waver. "Of course." In fact, he looked amused.

I grumbled, accepted my fate and sat down with my legs hanging over the edge. Looking at the water from here, it was obvious that I wouldn't have been able to reach high enough to pull myself out of the water on my own. If my subconscious was this determined to make this interaction happen then it was something I really needed to work through.

Sinbad walked over to where I sat down. "You're done running away?"

"I guess."

He sat down next to me, and crossed his legs and his arms. "So why were you avoiding me all this time?" He didn't look at me directly, and kept his smile.

I watched the water in front of us. "I'm scared of the things I like hurting me because I like them."

"Are you scared of me sitting here?"

"I'm not running right now, am I?" I wasn't scared of Sinbad. He was non-violent unless there were no other options, so he'd never have a reason to hurt me.

The King's voice was boisterous, "That's great news!"

I smiled at myself. "I guess I am doing a bit better." That gave me back some confidence. My smile broadened, and I made of show of shrugging as I continued, "I do still have plenty of reasons to be scared that you're close. You're also a greedy, egotistical, over powered asshole who has killed a lot of people -not to mention manga spoilers." The man was a walking death machine when he wanted to be, especially towards the ends of both mangas in the series.

"-Ah," was all he said in response. Sinbad was always the type to refrain from commenting when he couldn't deny the truth.

Now that I was thinking about the situation instead of panicking I was realizing some things. "I'm pretty curious on why you're talking to me." Flirting with con goers would probably be more in character.

He finally looked at me. "Why don't you tell me since you know me so well?" His eyes sparkled with interest and curiosity.

'Smarmy piece of- how dare he be this pretty! Fine!' My thoughts got stuck on his face for a moment since I was finally looking at him too. I thought about his question. Sinbad was power hungry by the time he became a king. And he had a growing god complex. And he actively sought out the strongest people in the world like the Aladdin, David, and Arba.

'Oh...' I had basically just erased and remade part of the world in front of him. That was why he hadn't followed after me when I first saw him; I wasn't anything special yet. 'My subconscious couldn't make him want to talk to me for nice reasons?'

I sighed. "I might like you but," that was obvious and I wouldn't deny it, "I'm not going to help you do whatever you want. I just didn't want violence in this dream." Now that I knew what was going on, I needed to set my boundaries.

Sinbad hummed, and looked out at the water. "I understand." After a moment he added, "We both prefer peace. It's a start."

That made me laugh. "You really don't quit, do you?"

Sinbad continued the good mood with flirting. "I got to make a pretty girl laugh so it's been a good day."

I gifted him another chuckle for the sentiment behind his words. I'm gender fluid, so not always a girl/woman, but I didn't think he'd understand that even if I explained. This wasn't the time to be pedantic. I was more interested in enjoying the improved mood.

We continued to talk in that light hearted manor about a handful of things. It was a bit of necessary self reflection involving my fears. It was okay for me to feel attraction, even if I wasn't ready for any of the steps that come afterwards. Maybe Sinbad was perfect for me in that way. In the whole series he never falls in love or gets married, and in that moment what I needed to feel safe was knowing that flirting was all it would ever be. I could enjoy feelings of attraction without the fear of being betrayed later because Sinbad would never promise himself to anyone.

#adventures of simpbad #lucid dreaming #king sinbad #magi sinbad #sinbad magi

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apple-grass-and-smiles · 2 years ago

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Hello! The ever-sweet and wonderful @marthaskane tagged me to share eight shows that define me/help you get to know me. Without further ado, the shows!

Alias (2001-2006)

Alias has taught me the value of old LiveJournal pages and the Wayback Machine more than any other show I've ever loved. I discovered this show in 2013 when it was on Netflix and then I spent a few months in Germany, where I spent too much money buying almost the entire show on iTunes because I could not comprehend going more than a day without Sydney Bristow with me.

2. The Clone Wars (2008-2013, 2014, 2020)

I remember when this show first aired and my siblings and I had a square dance at our school (very American, I know) so we had to DVR it. The next morning we snuck down early to watch it with the volume super low so we wouldn't wake up our parents. Few shows have continuously come back into my life the way this one has. I can track a lot of how I've changed as a fan through the different ways I've viewed this show over the last 15 years.

3. Fringe (2008-2013)

I've been rewatching this show since January of this year and can confirm: it is still a nearly perfect 100 episodes of TV. Fringe manages to perfect a lot of the plot lines and dynamics that appear in Alias (both are J.J. Abrams/his collaborators projects). It manages to walk the line between a procedural and a mythology-driven show beautifully and so clearly knows what message and themes it wants to share from the very first shot. If you like exploring messy family dynamics, action, and the X-Files, Fringe is a good option for you.

4. Gotham (2014-2019)

I historically have no cared much at all about Batman. He struck me as pretty boring in comparison to every other person he interacted with. Gotham change that for me (turns out he just needed to be put next to any even more boring guy, but I digress...). Loving this show is a lesson in looking past weird choices, wacky inconsistencies, and learning to just trust that writers will give you a fun ride, even if you understand less that 15% of it. It helped me remember that the sentence "I love this show" does not always mean "here is a perfect example of perfect storytelling" and just how freeing that can be. It also gave me a beautiful little group of friends who continue to make me smile on a regular basis.

5. Blindspot (2015-2020)

While this show may not be one I post about often, it was foundational for how I interact in fandom now. It was one of the first times I was active in a fandom from the start of the show. It was the first time I was in a fandom group chat and my Tumblr friends broke containment into being people I followed on Instagram and texted. I organized a Secret Santa. It was the first time I remember actively freaking out of promo photos (1x09 IYKYK) and synopses. Almost all the confidence I have when interacting in fandoms is from these experiences. And the plot is stellar.

6. Iron Fist (2017-2018)

I can't tell you how I ended up watching this. I do not know what prompted me to turn it on but I'm really glad I did. This show has so many amazing nuggets of amazingness and its shortcomings brought me together with two of my favorite people as we tried to understand what had gone wrong and where. (This is not a good ad for the show.) I love getting to play with stories and characters that have seemingly infinite potential and getting to do it with other people who are just as committed to the story as I was meant the world.

7. The Rookie (2018-present)

I fought against this one so hard. I did not want to get into it, but as my dash filled with those gifs of Lucy in the green dress and I had my wonderful friend pitching the show to me over and over, I caved. And I'm really glad I did. The experience of watching a long season over months, one week and one episode at a time, is so different than streaming or rewatching shows and I'd forgotten how much I missed it until I got to do it again for this show. My Tuesday livestreams with my lovely friend single-handedly pulled me through so many rough spots over the last year. For a procedural dramedy, The Rookie continues to serve up some of the best characters on TV right now and consistently delivers some of the best cold opens.

8. Prodigal Son (2019-I'm in denial)

The show that owns my heart and soul. The show I'd sell my organs to get new episodes of. Returning to this show, whether I'm writing fic, doing a TED Talk in my head about the psychology in the show, or actually watching an episode, consistently feels like coming home. I did not know it was possible for someone to stick their hand in your head and pull out a show custom-made for you, but that's what this is. The characters are all so perfectly imperfect and desperate to be better. The plots are just the perfect amount of bonkers. The show being a drama pretending to be a procedural is beautiful. If you'd told me in 2019 that a show about a profiler whose dad is a serial killer and they solve crimes together would be the show that would leave an indelible mark on my life, I would have rolled my eyes because that's so cliche. 2019!me had no idea what she was on about. But I'm glad she figured it out and randomly put on this little show one night that had continued to pull me through good days and bad days and everything in between.

As for tagging other people, anyone is welcome to join but I’ll specifically tag some people I know who haven't been tagged (I think): @electricbluebutterflies, @chenlucys, @shinythinx, @rojaswarren, @meandmyechoes, @padme-deserved-better, @whitesunlars, @harrows-bones, @bpdanakins, and @violetsandmagpies.

#emily does stuff (shocker)#I feel like it's been a while since I've done a tag #which is an entirely self-inflicted state #due to not doing much stuff that isn't work or sleeping #as I tagged people I had the beautiful experience of continuing to see people that I wanted to tag #because they're great! and I love hearing from them! and I am so glad I know them the way I do!#but I didn't want to have 47 people tagged because that's just too long #and yes if you think this is about you it 110% is and I love you!#I'll chill out now #sorry but also a little not sorry for writing novels here #I don't know what anyone else could have expected though

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puttingwingsonwords · 1 year ago

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[image ID in alt text]

July Reading Wrap Up

I share a reading wrap up on instagram every month where I just list the books I read and how I rated them. The character limit doesn’t really allow for much more. So I figured I might start posting extended wrap ups here on tumblr!

Stats

total books read: 6

2023 reading challenge progress: 56 out of 100 (slightly behind)

formats: 2 print books, 3 e-books, 1 audiobook

Books

My favourite books this month were Changelings (but I might be biased because my story is in it) and Dungeon Meshi Volume 4.

• Changelings: An Autistic Trans Anthology edited by Ocean Riley and Ryan Vale (digital)

rating: 5 out of 5 stars

pub date: TBD

I’m so proud to have my story included in this amazing anthology. All the other stories are incredible, and I felt so seen as a trans autistic person.

• Dungeon Meshi Volumes 4 and 5 by Ryoko Kui (digital)

rating: 5 and 4 out of 5 stars, respectively

This series is so fun and the fourth volume packs an extra emotional punch.

• Guards! Guards! by Terry Pratchett (physical)

rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

I’m reading all the Discworld books in order with the Around the Disc 800 readathon. I’m super behind but that’s okay. This was my favourite Discworld book so far! I felt it dragged a bit in the third quarter so it didn’t quite reach 5 stars.

• The Hand on the Wall by Maureen Johnson (audio)

rating: 3.5 out of 5 stars

The Truly Devious books are all fun young adult mystery novels. As a teen I would probably have loved them, now they’re just easy entertainment (and as, at 28, I’m not the intended audience any more, that’s fine and good!).

• The World According to Garp by John Irving (physical)

rating: 2.5 out of 5 stars, but I might actually change it to 2

I wasted however long it took me to read these 600 pages trying to figure out why people love this book. And I still don’t know! Here’s my short review on instagram.

Currently reading and TBR

I’ve finally gone back to reading my ARC of Deep Roots by Vanessa Roades now that I’ve got a new e-reader. I also started The Box in the Woods by Maureen Johnson, the next standalone novel in the Truly Devious series. I was thinking of reading something else, but it’s set during the summer so I decided not to put it off.

As for my TBR, I want to catch up on Around the Disc 800 and also probably read Legends and Lattes.

#booklr #reading wrap up #my reading

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kindh3art3d · 2 years ago

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catch me part 3 - jvke fanfic

I sat in my dorm, all the lights turned off, my roommate was gone for the weekend, giving me the space, I needed. For the past few days, I had felt like I was in mourning.

I missed Jake.

No texts, no phone calls, nothing.

I was scared I ruined our friendship.

I was so, so selfish, so stupid.

It was too soon, he was still upset about his breakup, and I decided to kiss him.

Kiss him!

Why, why, why?

Tears welled up in my eyes, and I quickly wiped them away with my hoodie sleeve.

I was frustrated, heartbroken and lost.

I wondered how long it would be like this.

Which one of us would break first and reach out?

I didn't know how long I wanted to wait to find out.

—

I went on with my life- the best I could anyways.

I went to my classes and to work, studied late in the library.

All by myself.

I never felt more alone. It was only the absence of Jake's presence in my life is when I realized how lonely I was. All my friends and family lived states away, and I wasn't super close with anyone else here.

I sat by the lake- our lake, and watched the remaining geese. Most had decided to go to a warmer south, these were the stragglers. It was cold now, almost December, the air had a bitter sting, I could feel my nose chill, and I prayed I wouldn't catch a cold. Suddenly I felt and ache in my chest. It felt like a knife, it twisted mercilessly. I missed him so much.

So damn much.

I wished he wasn't all I thought about.

All I wanted.

I impulsively grabbed my phone.

He had been posting cover videos on instagram, and they always cheered me up.

I refreshed my page, and sure enough he posted a new video...

—

The semester came and went, the holidays a blur. I went home to see my family.

My neighbor Iza, was home for the holidays, she was my childhood best friend and we decided got coffee to catch up. When she asked me about the "cute boy" who was always in my snapchat stories I reluctantly told her everything that took place over the last year.

She was the only person who asked me about Jake, the only one I really told anyways.

My parents asked if I made any friends, I lied. I told them me and my roommate were super close, when in all reality, I only saw her in passing.

We celebrated the New Year, Iza invited me to some party, some of our old mutual friends were there. As we stood counting down to the new year, I was alone. Iza brought her boyfriend and they stood out on the balcony, waiting for midnight.

"3, 2, 1, HAPPY NEW YEAR!" The room yelled and couples kissed as music blared and fireworks exploded outside. I watched, gave a small smile to no one and sipped my drink.

I hated how alone I was. Hated how sad I still was.

I missed him.

On the way home Iza and her boyfriend laughed and talked in the front seat, I sat in the backseat with my legs pulled up to my chin.

Suddenly my phone vibrated in my pocket.

jake

happy new year, hope ur ok

I squeezed my eyes and threw my phone across the seat.

I never responded.

—

When the spring semester started, I felt myself starting to heal and move on a little. After visiting home for the holidays and me and Iza reconnected, we made a point on staying in contact. I've been less lonely with her constant check ins and semi-constant FaceTime calls. My grades even started to look a little better. Finally for the first time in a long time, I started to feel okay again.

I realized that I didn't need Jake in my life to make me happy.

But god, he always did...

But just when I felt secure and sure about myself, a 15 second video made my world crash down on me.

Iza sent me a cute makeup video and I noticed the catchy song attached to it, I liked it so I decided to search it up.

It was called "Upside Down" by JVKE, and sure as hell. It was Jake.

"Up down, right down

Looking for your love, right now

La, la, la, la

Up down, all around

Turn my stomach upside down

La, la, la, la"

I went to his instagram (I recently unfollowed him...) and realized he was started to get quite a following. Turned out he got signed by a label and was queued to release more music soon. I heard the song everywhere and marveled how he could just in the last few months make a trending song.

—

As time slowly crept on, I wondered how he was, now with a popular song and an official artist name that people knew.

I always wanted to reach out, my hands ached for the motion of texting him. But it never happened.

I watched as he released more and more music, each song becoming more popular than the last.

I wasn't the same girl who cried over the mere thought of him, but I really missed him, and wondered if I severed our friendship forever. After all he did try to reach out and I did nothing.

It was already too late, I knew I'd just be a memory to him.

Someone in the past.

I was probably no better than Faith in his eyes.

—

This year I graduated college.

It was a day that I always dreamt I'd spend with Jake, us standing on stage, both proudly clenching our degrees, family and friends cheering us on. We always talked about it. Always talked about today.

We never talked about what would happen to us after we graduated.

But we never even made it that far, so what does it matter now?

As the Dean called me up on stage, I felt my nerves take over as each step seemed impossible. I held my breath as my shoes clicked against the smooth auditorium floor. I griped the rail as I got walked into stage. I graduated with honors, which meant I was to give a small speech. I hated speeches.

"Fellow class men, we all know how hard it was to get here. All the hours we spent studying, our eyes unfocused and teary. All the times we couldn't sleep because we were worried about our grades, and how no matter how hard we tried, we'd never be good enough." I paused as I scanned the room, vaguely recognizing a few graduates in the front row.

"We can now proudly say, we did it. It was all worth it."

Cheers echoed throughout the room as I accepted my degree. I was happy they were content enough with the stupidity small speech. But truthfully, everyone hates sitting through those kinds of things.

—

I found my family and Iza and we together all walked down to the reception dinner. I wasn't all too excited to go but, my family insisted (Honestly, they probably just wanted free food).

We stood in a circle as my parents talked with a faculty member, apparently my dad and him attended the same college. Apparently I was the only one who didn't really care about the conversation, because I paid little attention to them, instead I swirled my drink around in my glass.

Iza must have noticed my disconnect, because she suddenly tugged on my arm,

"Hey, I'm gonna go back and get some of those mini brochette things. Wanna come with?"

I laughed and agreed, thankful for some distraction from my thoughts. We locked arms as we made our way to the refreshment table.

"So what now Y/N?" she asked, I looked at her puzzled as I grabbed a small chocolate truffle and popped it in my mouth

"What do you mean?"

She shrugged, using the mini tongs to pick up a zillion pieces of brochette to fill her flimsy paper plate.

"Like what's the plan now?"

I bit my lip, annoyed that my own concern was being vocalized by someone else.

"Umm, I'm going to be looking for a job." That was the strongest answer I could give at the moment.

Iza ramped on, but by now I couldn't hear her.

I saw a ghost.

He stood against a wall, his dark eyes trained on me.

A small smirk grew on his lips and spread up his face.

In that moment I didn't even think, I just stood there as he approached me.

Iza was confused at first, but then she saw the look of recondition on my face and slowly backed up.

"Jake" I breathed his name, it was both foreign and familiar on my lips.

I thought I was imagining things, until he wrapped his arms around me.

I suddenly started to shake as emotion washed over me.

He held me, smoothing my hair. His familiar warm scent filled my senses as I buried my face in his shirt. I couldn't believe it.

He was real.

But just as quickly as the moment of perfection came, it quickly ended.

"Y/N" he whisper next to my ear, his voice sent chills down my spine.

I could only manage a mumbled

"Mm?"

He pulled me closer

"We need to talk."

#jvke #jvkexreader #jvkefanfiction #fanfic #romance #fluff #angst #friends to lovers #music #cross posted on wattpad #cross posted on ao3 #golden hour #catchme

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hamsterboos · 2 years ago

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Going to You

I wanted to make this a longer project, but I don't have the time nor the energy to add to my WIP lmao. But either way, I really hope that people enjoy this cute little (not so little?) story about long distance friends meeting!! Also the banners I'm making for these are so trash but I'm rolling with it lol. As usual, let me know if you'd like to be added to my tag list for TOG!

Word Count: 2729 CW: cursing Read on AO3 Rowaelin Month 2022 Masterlist

Day 3 of Rowaelin Month Prompt: Travel/Vacation

~~~~~~~~~~

>> Look, it’s you! I appreciate you. *Attachment: a picture of a hawk trying to pick up a tortoise with the caption: ‘HAWKS. Born to make you feel smarter’*

<< Aelin.

>> Yes?

<< Shut up.

Aelin laughed out loud as she locked her phone and tucked it away into her pocket before walking into the conference room for her meeting. It was always nice to get a laugh in by teasing her best friend when her day was dragging , especially when she knew that he wasn’t going to get his feathers ruffled just from a simple joke.

Even as the thought crossed her mind, Aelin had to suppress another laugh. She wished that she could’ve seen his reaction in real time but alas, that was the way things worked with them — texts, phone calls, the occasional video calls.

She had met Rowan Whitethorn accidentally a year ago, and if she were being honest, she felt as though the fact that the two of them had met was simply a stroke of fate, not an accident.

It was one of many late nights that Aelin had been spending at work, waiting for a client to respond to her email, when she decided to waste time on Instagram, and as she got further and further down her scrolling spree, she came across book editor Rowan Whitethorn’s page about current popular books on social media and how social media was causing waves of trends amongst the book community. She messaged him about the video, something that she normally didn’t do. The most Aelin would do to interact with others online was like the reels and posts she would see.

She still didn’t understand why she had decided to click on his profile and message him, but that was what kickstarted their friendship. The four hour time difference between Terrasen and Doranelle made it so Aelin’s late night was merely Rowan’s early evening, and somehow they made it work. The single message had spiraled into a conversation that lasted for hours, and Aelin had left at nearly eleven that night, despite finishing the last bit of work an hour earlier. The next morning, she had awoken to a few more messages from Rowan, seeming incredibly hesitant as he wondered if they could continue the conversation.

Aelin wholeheartedly agreed.

Soon enough, the conversation had moved off of Instagram to texting as they shared phone numbers, and then whenever Aelin was driving home from work, she’d call Rowan and they’d talk on the phone, and on weekends, they would video call too. Within a year, everyone around Aelin had spoken to Rowan at least once and they all knew that he was her best friend. They were essentially penpals, but it was also so much more. Rowan was her rock, her home away from home, and every day she would look forward to the moments when they could get a few messages in.

To be fair, half the time the messages would involve Aelin teasing Rowan for being such a fussy, old man — she didn’t even care that he was thirty years old, four years older than her twenty six. There was one time where Aelin was sick enough to sleep through the day, and Rowan swore he thought she had gone up and died without telling him. Needless to say, he now had her cousin, Aedieon’s, phone number, and she had gotten herself a worrywart across the ocean.

It wasn’t as though she would trade that for the world, though, because even though she had never met Rowan in person, she was fairly sure that he was her favorite person in the world, and the feeling probably extended past friendship, but Aelin would be absolutely batshit insane to ever tell him that, especially over text .

But despite everything, she wanted to do something special for the two of them, so ever since Rowan had mentioned that he needed a weekend off away from his normal life, she decided that she would take it upon herself to plan the perfect little weekend vacation that they could use to meet up as well.

Aelin had booked the tickets to a small group of tourist friendly islands called Mistward last night and was waiting for the perfect time to forward the ticket information over to his email, and what better time would it be than to do it when he knew he couldn’t call her and chew her out because she was going to be in a meeting? Deciding to bite the bullet, she opened up her email, entered Rowan's email address, and hit forward before setting her phone on vibrate and pulling up a notes app on her tablet as the meeting began.

Sure enough, within minutes, her phone started vibrating. Discreetly looking down at her watch where the notifications were also coming through, all she saw was her name coming from Rowan, and she suppressed a smile at the thought of how angry he would pretend to be.

It took longer than expected to get back to Rowan thanks to the meeting running longer than the allotted forty five minutes, but Rowan had responded as soon as she did.

<< Aelin.

>> I thought you told me to shut up, so I did!

<< You did not just pay for two tickets to an island destination for this weekend.

>> I most definitely did, buzzard.

<< I can’t expect you to pay for me like that

>> Get used to it because if it were up to you, you’d never take a break

>> Says the woman working sixty hours a week?

<< Shush this is my moment to make sense

<< Just accept it! This is our moment to meet, Rowan

Aelin had to wait a couple of minutes before Rowan responded, and the entire time she was waiting, she tried not to chew her thumbnail down to the very nub, and thankfully she succeeded, but just barely.

>> Fine, but I’m paying for dinner.

<< It’s a date.

~*~*~*~*~

In mere minutes, she would be seeing Rowan Whitethorn for the first time.

In mere minutes, she would be touching Rowan Whitethorn for the first time.

In mere minutes, she would be with her best friend for the first time, and Aelin absolutely could not deal.

She never realized that it could be strange, the feeling of meeting someone for the first time despite having known such deep and sincere things about them.

She had known the pain of loss that he had felt when Lyria had died, just weeks after getting engaged to her, and he had understood the guilt she felt when Sam had died due to a drunk driver because he was trying to pick her up from a party one night.

Aelin knew Rowan, but it was incredibly weird to think about how she didn’t really know him at the same time? She didn’t know if he cracked his knuckles frequently like she did or if he liked to twitch his leg; however, she desperately hoped all of that would change over the course of the next two days.

The two were expected to land within thirty minutes of each other (which was a miracle in of itself considering the time difference of leaving on a Friday afternoon) and had decided to meet up at the baggage claim area, and so there Aelin was, sitting on her suitcase with her phone in hand as she scrolled through Rowan’s Instagram pictures, trying to visualize his small photos as a real, live human before deciding that the entire idea was stupid and she needed to get her shit together.

He was going to be here in…three minutes, and she felt the pterodactyls rushing her stomach. Oh god, she could not throw up here. That would be such a bad way to meet someone for the first time. Instead of thinking about all of the nerves, she focused on looking at her notes app and checking through the itinerary of what they were planning on doing. As soon as they got out of the airport, the plan was to get to the hotel that Aelin had booked where they had connecting rooms and immediately go out walking without a plan to find the little nooks and crannies of the area with the restaurants without lines going out the door. Those places tended to be more authentic and not geared towards tourists. Obviously, they were going to do all the touristy things later on during the rest of the weekend before they had to leave Sunday night for the flight. It was in the plan that they would be going to the Oakwald Wilderness Park and swimming in the local waterfalls. After that, they would also be going to the beach and just spending a while tanning in the sunlight, but for the most part, Aelin wanted the chance to relearn her best friend in person .

She was so lost in looking at her phone that she jumped when she felt someone touch her shoulder. Whipping her head around, she startled as she took in the man standing in front of her with a slight nervous smile. His tan skin was a contrast against the silver hair that Aelin had only seen through screens. The tattoo running down his left arm was exposed as well, another thing that Aelin had only seen in detail through her screen as he showed it to her through the camera. Finally, she looked into his pine-green eyes, and it finally hit her that the man in front of her was Rowan.

Her Rowan.

“Oh my god,” she breathed, standing and turning around at the same time, nearly tumbling off the suitcase. Rowan grabbed her gently by her forearms to steady her, and they stood there for a moment. Aelin was aware that they probably looked like a pair of idiots pretending to be in a movie, but it felt as though time had stopped for her as she took in Rowan until she had the presence of mind to speak.

“Hi, Buzzard,” she greeted with a smile, her heart filling up with emotions she was starting to parse through and understand was excitement and happiness and the nerves of seeing a man she liked. Rowan let go of her with a laugh, but he didn’t go far.

“Hey, Fireheart,” he greeted back, and she let out a laugh of relief. He was in front of her, and they were going to do this.

At first it was a bit strange to be talking to each other in person, but eventually they fell into a familiar rhythm of teasing each other and talking about literally anything. Even as they got settled into their respective hotel rooms, they left the connecting door open to scream across as they unpacked. Eventually they made their way out of the hotel and started walking around. There were moments that she wished Rowan would just take a hold of her hand, but the more rational part of her brain knew that it would be weird.

“So, this is weird, right?” she finally gave in and asked as they continued to dodge other tourists walking around the pathway as the sun was slowly setting, casting an orange glow over the buildings.

Rowan looked down at her with a smile. “Yeah, but it’s a good weird.”

“How is weird ever good?”

“I mean, you’re weird.”

“Excuse you,” she retorted in an offended tone and a hand on her heart. Rowan just laughed again, and Aelin couldn’t get over how rich it sounded in real life.

“I can’t get over how I can just reach over and touch you,” he explained, a genuine wonder in his expression as he poked her cheek gently with his index finger.

Swatting his hand away, Aelin hummed in agreement. “I’m mad that you’re so much taller than me.”

“It’s amazing how you’re so small, honestly.”

“I’m tall for a woman my age!”

“Is five feet tall?”

“You’re an asshole. I’m five seven!”

“Yeah, tiny,” he retorted as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her into his side to avoid a bike rider that she hadn’t seen until he was basically past them. “And blind, apparently.”

A meek, “Shut up,” was all that Aelin could manage after being pressed up against the hard muscles and ridges of his body. She didn’t immediately move away, but he also didn’t let go of her as they finally found a small cafe type restaurant without too many customers inside.

Dinner was full of brushes of their hands as they passed dishes amongst each other, partially because it was accidentally, but also partially because Aelin still couldn’t believe he was in front of her. She had a sneaking suspicion that Rowen felt the same way because as soon as they stood up after he paid, he had laid a palm on the small of her back, and slowly, very slowly, the hand had moved to rest around her waist. There was a hesitation in his motion, as though he were waiting for her to move or to say something against it, but there was no part of Aelin that was against it. The lights of the night sky on the island, the fresh breeze, and the scent of the snow emanating from Rowan had her feeling the most calm and comfortable that she had in weeks.

They didn’t feel the need to spend the walk back to the hotel by talking, and instead just basked in the others’ presence. The rest of the trip followed a pattern where they would talk when they had things to talk about but it wasn’t as though they were under an obligation to fill the silence. The new thing about the two of them, however, was the touching. It was normal for Aelin and Rowan to leave calls or video calls on when they ran out of things to talk about, just to have companionship, and obviously they couldn’t touch through a screen, but Aelin wasn’t expecting that she would constantly be looking for an excuse to touch him. Rowan never said, either. They walked arm in arm through the Oakwald Park, and the thought of the lingering touches to her bare waist as they went swimming through the waterfall still brought heat to her cheeks.

When it came time for their Sunday night flights, Aelin didn’t want to go, but more importantly, she didn’t want to let Rowan go, either.

“I had a great time,” she said as they stood in front of a Starbucks in the airport. “I wish this weekend weren’t ending.”

Rowan raised his hands to cup her cheeks before softly rubbing circles with his thumbs. “Me neither,” he quietly said.

“Is it bad to say that I’ve had more fun with you over the last two days than I have in a really, really long time?”

“No,” he answered with a smile. “I did too. I also…don’t want to let you go. I want to keep you by my side.”

“Then don’t,” she responded with, as a last ditch effort. “I like you, Rowan. I really like you,” Aelin confessed.

Her heart filled with hope as she took in his responding bright smile. He didn’t respond, though, with words. The pterodactyls were back as his lips brushed hers gently once, twice, before pulling back when they called boarding for his flight.”

“I’ll see you soon, Aelin. I promise.”

He smiled at her before kissing her forehead and squeezed her hand once before he walked away, taking a part of her heart with her.

Until a minute later her phone pinged with a notification. Pulling it out, she let out a loud laugh as she looked at the email notification.

Congratulations, Mr. Whitethorn! We are happy to officially extend an offer for you to work in the Terrasen branch of our publishing house, starting in two weeks.

She didn't even finish reading the rest of the email before texting the man.

>> Rowan.

>> Rowan!

<< What?

She could practically hear the laughter in his voice.

>> You couldn't have told me this sooner?!

<< It was too much fun seeing you upset over me.

>> Rude.

<< I'll see you soon, Fireheart. Have a safe flight.

Aelin snorted even as she tried to stop herself from bawling like a dumbass in the middle of a very public airport.

>> You too, Buzzard.

Taglist: @thegreyj

#rowaelin month 2022 #rowaelin month #aelin galythinius #rowan whitethorn #romance #best friends to lovers

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angelvyxen · 2 years ago

Note

Do you believe the stuff with the igotnfts girl?

[Long post ahead + this will be a post & delete]

Let me preface this by saying, no hate to this girl. To me, she seems very young. More likely than not she’s some young fan girl that likes the attention.

Now, that girl is playing y’all like spades, and (some of) y’all are eating it this shit up. All of her posts proving that she’s the side chick, don’t prove anything.

1. The text messages are seedy for 2 reasons:

A. Melo types in all lowercase letters, apart from when he’s yelling. Look through his Instagram & Twitter, he has his phone set to disable uppercase because even his ‘i’’s don’t get corrected to capital I’s. So off rip, the texts don’t make sense because why would he specifically go out of his way to use proper capitalization when ‘speaking’ to her? Further than that, why would he send texts, especially informal ones, with proper capitalization when for years he’s only typed in all lowercase across all other platforms?

B. Everything is scratched out, potential dates included. If she wants recognition as the side chick so bad, why cross out things that could help you link yourself to him? If you’re in Charlotte, show that he texted you on dates where he was also in the city.

Also, I have a STRONG feeling those crossed out messages are her asking a friend to fake a text to her so she can screenshot it. It’s not hard to fake a text, hell you can even text YOURSELF and delete what you don’t need. That’s what I do when I need to make a text thread when writing a story. It’s not far fetched to ask someone “hey text me this real quick”

2. The infamous Twitter recognition doesn’t mean that he knows her. He said (I’m paraphrasing here because the tweet is since deleted) “You’re only following 6 people and I’m one of them, I thought we were supposed to be buddies.” He’s not confirming that he knows this girl in any way. If he had said ‘I thought we were supposed to be buddies’ and left it at that, then you can start to question, but the fact that he emphasized that he was one of the 6 people she followed should tell y’all enough to know he meant “You don’t like me but you’re watching my every move?” He just said it in a nice/goofy way. The only reason you all think it was in good faith is because he used laughing emojis.

If something along the lines of “I thought we were cool” was said, then that would confirm at the very least, that they’ve had some kind of conversation.

3. Her posting flowers doesn’t mean they’re from Melo. There was no card with a message that we could interpret to be him. Hell, those might not even be her flowers, for all we know they could be a picture of flowers she took at somebodies funeral and had saved up. Now, if Ana had posted the same flowers, then maybe, maybe you could speculate. But even then that’s not much to grasp onto because again, most flower bouquets aren’t hard to find. Unless it’s one of those extravagant ones.

4. Her posting a picture of the Charlotte, don’t mean she in Charlotte. And before you all say “But the reverse imagine search—” reverse image searches don’t find anything if you take a screenshot from someone else’s Snapchat or Instagram story, it’s not difficult to find Charlotte natives on IG and take a picture from their page or story and pass it off as your own…which is what I’m assuming she did.

I tested it out. I took a screenshot from someone else’s snap, slapped it in reverse image search and surprise, surprise,

Nothing 😱! And I did this with MULTIPLE.

Now even if that’s her picture and she is in Charlotte, from what I’ve gathered, she don’t know this man & she’s certainly not here for him. I believe she said that she was in the city (allegedly) anyways for her family members birthday, so if the pictures she posted are indeed hers, then that’s why she’s here.

Last things last, don’t believe anything until there is concrete proof. I could take a video in Melos garage this weekend, post it, and say some cryptic shit that’s more believable, and would be in the blogs by the next morning. So somebody posting a couple pictures don’t mean anything.

Unless somebody shows a video of them together, a FaceTime screenRECORDING, or a screenRECORDING of texts with a voice note from him, or some kind of solid evidence that it is him, then these folks are lying to y’all. Enjoy your weekend. 🫠

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achillieus · 4 years ago

Text

let you down. (sebastian stan x reader)

summary: it's a universal truth but it's worth repeating; feelings eat us raw. or just an actor and a girl falling in and out of love over the course of three months.

(this was inspired by sebastian's visit to greece for his movie, monday, and is based on that, so that means in the story we’re in 2018. also i have this posted on ao3 too but while i’m writing the last parts i thought of posting it here too)

pairing: sebastian stan x reader

warnings: alcohol, sexual references, implied depression, don’t kill me because of the ending, sebastian and reader are the definition of right person wrong time, it's kinda slowburn because i love the yearning, also this part has some funny moments but overall it’s a big SOB

part: 6/6 (there will also be an epilogue)

(other parts) (masterlist)

This is how it ends: broken hearts from crashed dreams.

Sebastian holds you until his muscles ache and your lungs burn from the feeling of too little oxygen. It is cold and dark, almost midnight, too dark, a starless night.

No more stars for you and I.

“Here,” Voice hoarse, eyes heavy-lid and itching from almost crying. He gives you one of the rings he wore in the movie. “I want you to keep this.”

Keep it close to your heart. Forget me not.

He takes a breath and a step back, tries to regain all the strength he still has, steady feet and shoulders fixed. He digs his nails into his palms, red marks in his skin, air catching in his throat, he’s on the verge of falling but he stays standing.

He remembers tears glistening down his cheeks, maybe they were yours not his, and the cold autumn wind hitting his face and he remembers feeling like he’s dying.

And then he closes the door of Argyris’ car and looks at you.

And his heart stretches and stretches and stretches and then somehow splits in half.

It goes like this:

There’s a ghost that lives in your apartment from now on. In the living room. Sitting on the couch. And it has steel blue eyes and a familiar heart. And it whispers a love story, half-finished, and you cannot make it stop.

The ghost touches your collarbone and he’s gone but there’s a ring in a golden chain around your neck and a white shirt forgotten in your laundry. And it smells like him. The clinging scent of his aftershave sticking to your pores. Eucalyptus. And no matter how hard you try to wash it off, it still lingers.

How could I ever forget someone like you?

The ghost lives here, but the place is empty, so empty. And it’s hard not to cry.

Sebastian calls and texts a lot.

He tells you he’s tired but excited because he started filming a new movie. It’s very indie and experimental, I can’t wait for you to see it. He tells you he’s missing his days in Greece like hell and that one night he dreamt of you. Didn’t want to wake up. What he doesn’t tell you is that he’s coming back in a month, Argyris needs him for some extra scenes. It’s nearly killing him but he doesn’t tell you. He wants to surprise you, see the pure light in your eyes when they’ll meet his.

You try sexting. It doesn’t go very well.

23:50, sebastian: if you were here in my bed right now what would you be doing

06:51, you: probably falling asleep hahaha

06:51, you: oh fuck was i supposed to sext back

06:51, you: sorry seb i just woke up and i have a class in an hour, love you <3

23:52, sebastian: fuck timezones

(three weeks and 10 seconds later)

“I can’t believe she doesn’t know you’re here,” Argyris shakes his head as he’s driving home from the airport, “If I were her, I’d kill you.”

“Good thing I didn’t fall in love with you.”

Sebastian laughs and looks out of the car window. The stars. There are so many stars tonight. He holds his breath; he’s finally feeling whole again. His heart isn’t split in two anymore.

You don’t know how long you stand there at your door, staring at him, but it feels like a century before he grins, almost laughs, takes your hands in his and you start considering that perhaps this isn’t a hallucination. Perhaps it’s real.

“Surprise?”

Something inside of you bursts, your organs twitch. You can’t think, you can’t speak, but you can move. You don’t lose any more time, you take a step forward, attach your bodies, your face buried in his neck, your fingers clutching into the rough fabric of his jacket. You breathe him in like an antidote.

“How?”

“Does it matter?”

“No.”

You kiss him and it’s like poetry, like art, like honey and you can’t separate yourself from him, not even hours later.

(looking back, these were the golden days)

You pretending to be mad at him for not telling you he was coming back and him pressing his lips on your skin, drawing patterns on your naked shoulder. A feathery touch.

Sebastian always touches you like you’re something made of gold and porcelain, something cherished that constantly needs to be treasured. And nobody has done that before. And you love him for it.

You try to decorate your Christmas tree together. He messes with the lights for a while, eventually gives up and goes on to eat too many reindeer shaped cookies.

He massages your muscles when you write a boring essay for college.

You go with him when he has to shoot a “driving a motorcycle naked in the centre of Athens” scene and you bite the inside of your cheeks to stop smiling like an idiot.

He gives you a dress he bought for you in New York.

“You didn’t have to.”

“I know, but I wanted to.”

He calls you sweetheart in the mornings, still half asleep and later joins you in the shower.

“Why are you so hot?”

“Climate change”

“Oh, shut up”

It’s tender and it’s soft and it’s human.

And that’s the saddest part.

Soon you realize that him leaving two months ago was merely a rehearsal and you still haven’t said your actual goodbyes. Your chest starts to feel as if it’s full of crushed glass.

And it’s ridiculous because you fell in love with Sebastian sometime between the first ten days you spent together.

Who falls in love in ten days?

Ridiculous or not, you know you are in love with him just as you know that sooner or later, whatever he is feeling will fade and wither. Maybe it’ll be in a week, maybe it’ll be in a month, maybe in a year if you’re lucky. But there will definitely come a day when he will step out of a gala or a party or a fancy gym in New York with a beautiful model in his arms and two paparazzi’s following him around.

What will you be then?

A past small cameo in his life. A side character. Will he remember your name?

He is your whole world.

(a bottle of cheap prosecco helps you decide that)

He is your whole world.

And yet, there will come a day when he won’t even remember your name.

It was difficult. No, it was the most difficult thing you’ve ever done. Telling him how you think it’d be better if you didn’t talk after he leaves.

“I don’t agree with this.”

“Seb, it’s for the best.”

Your body doesn’t feel strong enough to carry your heart. And you’re certain it will only get worse once he’s away. The world around you will melt. You’ll obsess over a phone screen and his messages. You’ll start chasing ghosts again. You can’t handle that.

“Why?” He says urgently and his fingers dance over the flesh of your palms.

“Because this”, you motion your hand between the two of you, “is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had in my life and I don’t want it to become ugly.”

He nods, he understands.

“I love you, you know,” he says smiling and tugs you closer to him, “And I may not be here to show you but I think I’ll love you for a long time.”

Your hand grips his waist right to the bones and something flares in your eyes, something wild that wrenches you around.

“I know, I’ll love you the same.”

“Maybe we’ll meet again.”

“Only if I’m the luckiest girl on the planet.”

He laughs and you look at him, fully aware he’ll be ripped out of your life like a page from a cheap leather notebook. And when you kiss for the last time, there’s a hole forming in your soul.

And just because endings don’t leave visible scars to one’s body and soul, that doesn’t mean the scars don’t exist. You know they do, because you feel the aching pain of every single one of them.

(every night when you close your eyes you see him)

(every night you look at the stars and think of him)

A month passes and Argyris asks you if you miss him.

“I don’t think I’ll ever stop.”

“He said the exact same thing.”

You tell him not to mention Sebastian again.

Two months pass and you need to stop stalking his instagram profile.

Three months pass and you almost text him.

Four months pass and you go to watch Endgame with some friends and you cry. You cry when Black Widow sacrifices herself and when Iron Man smiles at his wife while dying, and when Bucky Barnes appears on screen.

The others don’t understand and you don’t blame them.

Five months pass and Argyris’ girlfriend wants you to meet someone. A charming boy your age with blonde hair and a lip piercing.

And he's cute but you compare him to Sebastian even before he has the chance to say his name. His eyes are not the right shade of blue and he doesn’t look at you like you’re made of the world’s finest jewel.

And he doesn’t know any constellation names.

And then more than a year passes in a second and you learn to not look for him. Not anymore.

It’s early March 2020 and despite the rising fear of the upcoming pandemic, you’re doing well. Scars are starting to fade. And after spending two weeks in Prague, your best friend being there with an exchange program, Sebastian Stan is the farthest thing from your mind.

Until he literally comes crashing into you. At the airport.

No, it can’t be him.

You have your suitcase on one hand and a bottle of antiseptic gel on the other. He has two bodyguards on his sides and a black hoodie on. And while half of his face is hidden behind a mask, you can see his eyes perfectly. A frozen lake in December. You would know those eyes in your deathbed, at the end of the world.

Your vision gets blurry and suddenly you feel cold.

He won’t recognize me, he can’t.

But then he looks at you and every memory you had buried inside of you resurfaces.

He motions to his guards to wait for him and he starts walking towards you. You breathe slowly, one breath at a time. He takes his mask off and you hesitate to take yours, not sure if you truly want him to see you.

You exchange the typical and very awkward hi, how are you, i’m glad you’re doing okay and then he smiles and it feels comfortable. Familiar.

It’s the whiff of another time that you always kept around. A reminder that you were once loved by a god.

“What are you doing here?”

“Filming Falcon and the Winter Soldier”

If you hadn’t unfollowed him on instagram, you’d known.

“Ah yes I heard about that, congrats.”

He nods a thank you.

“And you? In Prague?”

“I was at a friend.”

He looks conflicted, hurt, turns his gaze to his shoes on the grey cement. You want to say something, but you feel like throwing up.

And then he laughs.

“I was right.”

You’re confused, he notices.

“Back in Greece,” he swallows, “I told you this would happen.”

“It would have been an airport, different gates for each of us, but same waiting hall. Or a Greek island, where we’d both be for the summer.”

“I would have found you.”

You remember and you cannot help but smile. He was right. He found you.

“I didn’t believe you then.”

I barely believe you now.

He touches your hair. And his touch is like a knife. And you want to cry. Magnolias under your tongue. A love long lost is whispering in your ears until it hurts to listen. He’s like a magnetic field and you feel yourself drowning in him.

“I bet they’ll ask me a hundred questions about you later.” He says and looks at the two men waiting for him.

“And what will you tell them?”

“That you’re most probably the love of my life.”

Don’t cry, don’t cry.

“There’s no way we’d meet here if you’re not.”

“Sebastian,” His name sounds like a prayer coming out of your lips and you're ready to tell him you love him and you can swear he looks like he’s ready to faint, “I-”

The guards yell his name. And it's the same feeling people have just before a car crash.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.”

One last look.

Don’t cry, don’t cry.

You repeat it over and over again. But you fail.

“No, don't cry” He smiles, one last smile, “Just look at the stars and wait for us to meet again, because we will.”

He caresses the back of your palm for a second and you think your ribcage is shattering but it’s only your heart drumming frantically. Pushing your fragile bones to break.

You want to stop him, wrap your arms around his torso, never let him go. Not again. But you don’t.

You just watch him leave, one more time, your knees weak, your head heavy and dizzy. For the split of a moment he turns and glances at you but then he’s nowhere to be seen.

Perhaps it was all in your imagination. Perhaps it was nothing but a wonder.

You get into your plane and you silently sob.

And then it’s summer.

And you overhear he was seen with a girl, the day before your vacation starts and you find a picture of them together a week later, a pretty blonde girl clinging to his side with a colorful bikini somewhere in Spain. And he’s smiling. And you feel so ashamed. And so stupid.

They say time heals all wounds but they must be wrong because you can’t forget how he used to smile at you or how he used to call you the love of his life.

Was he joking when he said you'll meet again? You bet if you asked him now, he wouldn't even remember saying it.

I’ll love you for a long time.

So long for nothing.

i really appreciate feedback, it motivates me tons and also tell me if you’d like to be tagged :) also i’m really sorry if you asked me to tag you and i didn’t but i lost a lot of asks and the urls of the people that sent them :(

tagging: @lharrietg @awkward117 @dannaloureen @broccoligf @cutestfangirlvevo @caitdaniels @arymb @buckybarnesishot310 @roguesthetic @itsaliceheree @sara-1705 @dorothea-hwldr @freshfreakoaftrash @drinkfantasy @christinamcdonnell @partypoison00 @90ssantiago

#sebastianstan #sebastian stan x reader #sebastian stan imagine #letyoudown #monday the movie #sebastian stan angst #sebastian stan x you #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barnes x reader

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struggling-with-time · 4 years ago

Text

Lost connection [Corpse x reader]

Paring: Corpse husband x Gender neutral!reader

Summary: “Can you please write a story where the reader (female) isn't a youtuber or playing Among us with the crew? Preferably, angst and maybe unrequited love and meeting him through social media as a fan. The last sentence is not a requirement, I just wanna read a story where the reader isn't a successful youtuber or a youtuber at all. Just a normal person who doesn't have many talents.” Requested by anon

“Hi! If you feel like it, maybe a corpse x reader where he posts one of their tiktoks on his Instagram story and they start talking and falling for each other? <3” requested by anon

Warnings: idk sad ending?

Read part two here

A/N: Y/T = Your TikTok Coping with election stress by writing, and I still don’t even live in the US. I’m sorry only one for today <3 you got a hc too!

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

You had recently started making tiktoks, it was mostly closet cosplay to song you saw fitting to the character. It helped you escape the stress of everyday life. You liked the small following you usually got around 200 to 300 views, usually. That was until Corpse Husband himself had gotten in contact with you to ask permission to share a video of you dancing around a chair to his song Cat Girls are ruining my life. Of course, you said yes.

Leading to your video trending and you gaining a bit more followers before everything went back to normal. However, what didn’t go back to normal after a couple of days was the fact that you’re still talking to Corpse. You don’t really understand how this is still going on. You’ve been following him for quite a while now. This is big.

Corpse_Husband: I was thinking I could get your number, it’s easier than writing over here.

Y/T: Sure, here it is xxx-xxx-xxx

You pull your phone away from your face. Did you sound too desperate? A bit maybe? No? Maybe? Just a tid bit…

Unknown number: Well hello there, Y/T

You: New phone, who dis?

Too much? Oh god what if he doesn’t think it’s funny, or thinks you’re being serious. You stare intensely at the three dots; they disappear and your heart sinks for second before a message pops up.

Corpse: I wonder who

You: Welp, better go contact my fbi agent then.

Is that an outdated joke? You honestly weren’t too sure.

Corpse: It’s Corpse

Y/N: Ah! Never would have guessed, btw how was your day?

It didn’t take long before the two of you texted every day. It took two months before Corpse asked if he could call you. It awkward in the beginning.

“Soooooo…” You said trying to fill the silence.

“Yeah…” And so did he.

But the two of you slowly became comfortable with speaking and started calling every night before you would go to bed, which correlated to around an hour before his streams started. It was a beautiful friendship that was slowly blossoming into more. You could feel yourself falling harder as each day passed, as each time you listened to him talk. Even if it was just a silent phone call so the two of you could be together.

“You won’t believe what happened today!” Corpse had practically yelled through the phone at you, sounding somehow like the most deep voiced teenage girl out there.

“Go on tell me!” You matched his excitement. Ready to lend an ear until you wouldn’t be able to hold your eyes open anymore.

The big elephant in the room, only felt to grow the more you talked. You lived halfway across to world in the Netherlands, while he was in San Diego. You knew not to get your hopes up of him ever coming there. So instead you got a second job besides your studies and the first job. Meaning you spent less time talking to him, but it would be worth it you told yourself. It took you 4 months of barely speaking for you to have saved up for the ticket if you stayed at his place for the two days.

You were ready to tell him that, you had quit the second job earlier that day. You were excited. But when you called, it rang out. He’s probably just busy, you told yourself.

It rang out, the next day.

And the day after.

And the day after…

“You can no longer reach this number.” The telephone spoke at you, you stared at it in disbelief. You did the only thing you could think about and opened twitter for the first time in months. Straight on his page last tweet 12 days old. The last time you spoke together.

Corpse_Husband: Final Goodbyes hurt :(

You fall back on your bed your phone forgotten in your hand. You neglected him to be able to earn enough money to see him, driving him away in the effort. You’re bewildered at what to do, you just lost the only person you were able to connect with on a personal level.

You had lost your friend.

#corpse husband #corpse #corpse husband x reader #corpse x reader #corpse husband fic #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband imagine #delias own writing

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sailorhyunjinz · 4 years ago

Text

~ 𝕋𝕒𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕚𝕔𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕪𝕠𝕦 ~

Part I

All picture rights to their respective owners.

ℂ𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥: Photographer!hyunjin, fem!model!reader, manager!Bangchan, stylist!Jisung, agedup!straykids, SMUT IN LATER PARTS, fluff, character driven story, strangers to lovers, summer au, mentions of insecurity, love at first sight.

𝕎𝕠𝕣𝕕 ℂ𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥: 3,5 k

ℕ𝕠𝕥𝕖: I have never written a series before so please understand if it’s lacking heh... and yes the title does relate to the kooks song with the same title so do give it a listen because it’s really good and fits the story c:

also this starts slowly LMAO MORE FUN THINGS ARE COMING UP I SWEAR <33

If you have any feedback I’m more than happy to receive it! <3

Taking pictures of you - MASTERLIST

ONE｜TWO｜THREE

Working as a model was not easy. The complaining managers and the expectations by others was too much to handle. Heck, even getting to the shooting locations was a hastle most of the time.

You tilted your head against the window in the backseat of the taxi. It was a calm august wednesday. The late summer breeze made it’s way into the cab thorugh the window that was opened on the drivers side. Your phone screen lit up, multiple notification from Instagram.

“omg! slay bbygrl”

“her face is crazy pretty”

“beautiful”

You’ve heard these words too many times. If you’re told the same thing over and over again they eventually mean nothing. You scrolled through the other comments on your latest instagram post, a photo from your last photoshoot. A picture of you lying in a bed of white flowers, your skin glowing and your body covered by a white sheer dress that accentuated your neck. It’s not a bad photo but was I really worth the attention? “There are a thousands of other girls way prettier than me.” you though and with a sulken expression you watched life run by outside the window.

15 minutes later you arrived at your agency. You smiled your model smile at the taxi driver to which he smiled back and responded: “My pleasure, miss y/n”.

A big shadow was cast from the building in which the modeling agency was. The beige renaissance building was surrounded by green bushes and a black fence. The big oak entryway had golden lion knockers and an ingraved golden sign. “Eccellente Modeling Agency” it said with bold black letters, contrasting nicely with the gold plate. You rang the doorbell next to the sign and in a matter of seconds the oak gates opened with a loud creak.

“Y/n!! You look stunning as always!” said your manager Bangchan as he hugged you. The smell of his aftershave violated your olfactory sense as usual, making you scrunch your nose. He was always dressed business casual, his white polo shirt and light brown dress pants being a good example but today his poloshirt had a great amount of buttons unbuttoned.

The both of you made your way into his office. A room with a high ceiling and a chandelier worth more than your career. You sat down in the leather couch across the desk, Bangchan sitting on the other side of it.

“Give me a moment.... Just pulling up some files for the new photoshoot I’ve planned! I promise, you’re not gonna be disappointed.” he says smiling, the desktop screen reflecting in his brown eyes.

He turns his computer screen towards you. Your eyes scan the pictures that pop up.

“May I present to you the profile of Hwang Hyunjin. One of the most renowned photographers of this age”. Bangchan looks at you, reading your expression.

The pictures are truly beautiful. Everything, from the outfits to the lightning was perfect.

“Bangchan, you’re insane” you say, smiling widely as you made eye contact with the dark haired manager. “These pictures are so stunning!” you squeal. “How did you even get in contact with him?”

“Nothing for you to worry about y/n, I have my contacts. I’m a manager after all”. He scoffs whilst scrolling through the profile. The next picture getting better than the previous one.

“So... when is the shoot and what concept have you planned?” you say whilst your eyes are glued to the computer screen.

“Mr, Hwang works for a multitude of companies but Styliz needed a model for their new pastel collection which I immedietly snatched onto. We all know how beautiful you look in pastels y/n” he said attentively to which you smiled, adoring the interest he has for his work.

“Oh.. I also cheked your schedule and you seem free tomorrow so how about then?” he added.

“Yes! I’d love too” you said with a small nod.

“Not that you have much choice, Mr Hwang’s time is worth gold y/n” he laughed and reached for something in his cabinet drawers.

“Here, take this” he said while sliding over a light grey business card.

‘Hwang Hyunjin, Photographer’ was written in dark grey letters. A black border decorating the edges of the card.

♡

The morning sun shined thorugh the curtains blinding you temporarily. You felt after your phone on the nightstand with you hand, your eyes still closed. ‘8:05 am’ the screen showed against the background picture of your family.

You missed them, moving to a different city across the country at the young age of 18 was scary. You’ve aged, that’s for sure but you still missed them dearly. Dragging your lifeless body to the shower you hope for a day with happiness whilst the warm water hits your bare skin. It was a big day after all. A photoshoot with photographer Hwang Hyunjin. “Me... on Hyunjins work? It must be a dream...” you thought, grabbing the towel hanging on the cold, silver rack.

You dryed off your thick hair with a light pink towel with one hand whilst the other hand held your phone. “I have to look at his photos again” you thought, tapping on the Instagram icon and typing “Hwang Hyunjin” in the search bar, hoping and praying that his work was published on the social media platform.

“@ photographerHwang” was the first result to pop up and you tapped it instantly being just as surprised as you were yesterday of the beauty that his photos carried. Bumping into the table on your way to the kitchen you noticed a different photo on his feed. It didn’t look like any of the other photos because it was a selfie. You dropped your towel on the floor. No... it can’t be him... or could it?

His face looked like a work of art. Not only was the photo nicely edited with warm light emitting from your screen but the person was even more eyecatching. “It’s probably one of his models” you though as you placed your phone on the kitchen counter and grabbed a carton of milk from the fridge.

But what if it’s really him?

♡

You threw on a grey hoodie and biker shorts before you flew out to the taxi waiting for you outside the apartment.

“Sorry for keeping you waiting sir! Here!” you said while panting, quickly pulling up a text message you got from Bangchan sharing the location of the photoshoot.

“Please, Miss y/n! No need to apologize” laughed the middle aged taxi driver softly. You were now on your way to the shoot.

Your brain was scattered. One part of you hoped that Mr Hwang really was the boy you saw on his instagram. His long, blond locks slightly covering his sharp jaw. His skin clear as day and rosy lips plump like two rose petals. The other part shut everything down, convinced that it’s one of his models that happened to be to your liking.

You opened his instagram page again.

“He must be famous for his perfect features...” you said under your breath, staring at his lips.

The whole taxi ride was filled with thoughts of him, whoever he was.

“Soon there miss y/n” the taxi driver said after 10 minutes of driving. The taxi slowed down and looking outside the window you saw Bangchan standing infront of a building that looked similar to the agency building. You waved slightly and he waved back at you.

You turned around to the driver and said; “Thank you so much sir”, giving him a generous tip and exiting the vehicle. A warm breeze latches on to you, making your hair flutter in the motions of the wind.

“Y/n! Perfectly on time” Bangchan said and hugged you.

You hugged him back, asking him about his day so far to which he responded;

“Good but going to be even better after this legendary photoshoot is done and we have the most perfect photos taken by the most influential photographer!” he sounded like a little child in a candy shop.

Your ears heated up due to his words and you smiled slightly.

“Let’s go to the second floor and get your outfit and makeup ready. A introduction with Styliz manager won’t be needed since he already knows your delightful personality” he laughed at his corny remarks and you did the same.

“You seem even more excited than me” you remarked, pressing the elevator button.

“When you see the end result you will be floored” Bangchan said and winked at you.

The elevator clanged. “Second floor”. The metal doors slided open. The eyes of a dozen stylists and makeup artists caught onto you. A slightly potbellied man in a navy colored suit approached you.

“Y/n! I’m so happy to see work with you again.” His voice was hoarse due to his age but his personality being the total opposite. You knew him well since Styliz’s chief was one of the first to offer you a modeling job in a foreign city, you only being a teenager with a big dreams at the time.

“Mr. Styliz! It’s lovely to meet you again” you smiled and sat down in a makeup chair, a girl with blond hair and big hoop earrings starting to brush powder across your nose. You saw Bangchans figure leave behind a door in the reflection of the mirror.

“Mr. Styliz, might I ask you a question?” You regretted the words as soon as the came out of your mouth. You didn’t need more information about the mysterious boy you saw on Hwang’s instagram page but you simply had to know who is was.

“Well of course y/n” said Mr. Styliz, his warm breath touched your cheek as he stood right by your side, smelling of morning coffee and looking at you through the mirror.

“Could I please get more information about Mr.Hwang?” you said, making eye contact with the old man.

“y/n, you’ll meet him soon! Then you can ask him how much you would like about his life but I must warn you... He is quite the secretive type”. The coffee breath was accentuated as he laughed.

You tried to play along, laughing a fake laugh as the hair designer started to brush out your locks. A wave of embarrassment washed through you.

The lights of the makeup mirror were getting hot, tiny sweat drops beading on your forehead which the makeup artist wiped off.

“We are done, Miss y/n” said the makeup artist, her earrings reflecting the light in the studio. You thanked her and saw Bangchan standing at the door where the cameras were.

“y/n, not much time left. Please go down the hallway and into the second door on your left, the stylist is in there fixing your outfit”. One reason as to why you loved Bangchan as your manager was his calm temper. Even in a time crunch, he always made sure to talk to you in a serene tone. After years in the modeling industry you still couldn’t get used to the ill-tempered staff. Too many times you had been forcefully dragged down corridors and streets whilst they muttered swear words at you. Even thinking about it sends shivers down your spine.

Your shoes tapped the white linoleum as you made your way down the narrow hallway, knocking on the second door to your left just as Bangchan said.

A familiar voice said; “Come in!” to which you turned the golden doorknob on the white wooden door. The tall figure was rummaging in a big plastic container filled with clothes but upon your arrival the figure greeted you with warm eyes.

“No way!! It’s y/n!” screeched Jisung. He pulled you in to a hug, his belt buckle hit your stomach through the grey hoodie.

Jisung was a stylist and worked closely with Mr. Styliz therefore you’d gotten close to him. Not only did you like him for his exquisite fashion sense which had a whole different concept each time you saw him but also for his friendliness, always being polite.

“I’ve missed you so much Jisungie” you said with a pout.

“I though it was onesided but I guess not haha”

“Don’t be silly! How could I not miss that smile of your Sungie?” you hit him playfully on the arm to which he blushed.

“Go behind that and I’ll throw some clothes for you.” he pointed at the wooden divider standing in the corner of the white room filled with clothes racks and colorful clothing.

You started undressing behind the divider and suddenly a pile of clothing was thrown on your head over the divider. You heard Jisung snicker at the yelp that came out of your mouth as you drowned in the clothes

“Jisung, you are so dead when I’m done” you said whilst putting on the last details to the outfit.

“I’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry” he said pleadingly while laughing hysterically.

You stood on the podium infront of the full lenght mirrors in the room as Jisung observed you and pinned the clothes slightly.

“Not gonna lie, it’s looks really good on you. The pastels matches perfectly with your skintone.” Jisung looked on the pleaded white skirt you had on.

You looked in the mirror and shook your head in agreement. The pastel purple sweater with the white collar poking out made you look youthful and innocent. You had on patent mary jane shoes in the same purple color as your sweater. The white kneesocks were slipping down as you moved slightly, almost looking like a school girl as you bend down to lift the socks up.

“Do you like it?” Jisung looked at you through the reflection on the mirror, standing on the floor making him a head shorter than you.

“Yea! You’ve never given me a bad outfit Sungie, they’re always adorable. My favorite stylist but don’t tell that to Bangchan” you smirked to which Jisung laughed.

♡

“y/n, Jisung did a great job! You fit the concept to a tee” Bangchan stood infront of two wide dark green doors which led to the photostudio. He smiled shyly and pushed the doors open, a bright white light blinding you as you stepped in.

You squinted and held your hand infront of your eyes as you entered the studio, the air stuffy from all the white boxlights that have been working for a while.

“Miss y/n is here now, Mr. Hwang” Bangchan announced.

Your eyes felt blurry and the lights created a bokeh effect, your vision feeling like a filter. The first thing you saw was him. Hwang Hyunjin.

The shock froze your feet in one position. It was him. The selfie was Hyunjin. And he was hotter in real life.

A tall, slender figure stood on one foot, the other one behind his leg with the tip of the shoe pointing towards the floor.

“Are you ready, miss y/l/n?”.

His voice was sweeter than honeysuckle, you melted upon hearing him speak. Bangchan looked at you confused when you didn’t move, just observing the presence of the blonde boy infront of you.

“y/n?” Bangchan had a worried expression on his face as your face broke out in a massive blush.

“yeah..uh-mm..yes” you only managed to get that out before you were infront of the camera.

His willowy fingers wrapped around the black Canon camera, it fit perfectly in his hands as if it was made for him. You gulped upon seeing the veins that ran up his exposed arms, the white shirt bunched up by his elbows.

“Everything good miss? You seem distant” he said in that raspy but sweet voice.

“Uhm...yeah totally..” you looked awkward with your hands by your side as you saw Bangchan observing you with a confused gaze.

“Please tilt your head to the right and stand broad with your feet” Hyunjin commanded to which you complied. The flash of the big studio lights didn’t effect you as much anymore since you were used to this but what did effect you was how concentrated Hyunjin looked. Like a true photographer. It was obvious that he enjoyed his job by the way his eyes shined when he looked at the monitor and corrected every detail. Luckily you could stare at his figure all that you wanted since it looked like you were keeping eye contact with the camera and not him. Glancing over to the left of the photographer you saw Bangchan smiling his bright smile, signaling that he’s proud over you.

Flash

And another flash before Hyunjin looked at the monitor displaying the photos he just took, a smirk crept onto his face.

“Good job y/l/n. Could you please grab that chair over there and sit on the edge of it?” he said whilst pointing towards a small wooden stool. Reacting instantly to his soft voice and gestures you pulled the stool towards the x on the ground, making sure you were in frame.

“One leg over the other” Hyunjin said without even looking towards you, his pale veiny hands were now twisting and turning some buttons on both the camera and monitor. You shook your head up and down slightly in agreement before doing as told and as Hyunjin turned back his chocolatey brown eyes landed on yours. Now it was impossible to hide your burning cheeks, Hyunjin noticed since he laughed stiffly before grabbing the camera off the camera stand and going down on one knee to capture an angle from below. Numerous amounts of sparks from the big box lights were emitted and after every spark Hyunjin turned around to the screen which displayed your figure. Staring at him you smiled slowly, feeling your heart beat faster. Why do I feel like this by just looking at him? Your head was clouded with millions of other thoughts. Just as you started tuning out the room Hyunjin clapped his hands hard, the sound ringing in your ears. You jumped slightly which made Bangchan laugh.

“All done! Nice work everybody” Hyunjin announced loudly before bowing down to the other staff members in the room and to you as well. You returned his gesture by a slight bow of the head and quickly scurried of to Bangchan, your face hot.

“Are you sure you’re not ill?” Bangchan said softly before putting the back of his hand towards your forehead. Shaking your head from side to side you pushed his hand away.

“No, I’m fine... just so hot with the box lights you know?” you laughed fumblingly, not knowing where to rest your gaze.

You felt someone tap you on your left shoulder and you almost fainted when you turned around. Hyunjin was standing three footsteps from you, the scent of his cologne making you swoon. He smiled as he saw your shy expression and sparkling eyes.

“I though that it must have been hot, here have this”

He casually held out a waterbottle which you received with both hands as a gesture of thankfulness.

“y/n, I’m just gonna head off to Jisung to discuss something. Meet me at the changing rooms in about 10, ok?” Bangchan said, slightly leaning towards your ear.

“Yeah, see you in 10!” you said while the managers back disappeared through the broad doors of the studio. Turning back to Hyunjin his blond locks were draped infront of his eyes and as he spoke he tucked those light pieces behind his ear, revealing his small silver hoop earrings.

“I’m gonna pack up the cords now but it was a pleasure to work with you, miss y/l/n”

The corners of your mouth went upwards at his formality.

“Please, call me y/n” you said quietly, being too shy to look him in the eyes.

“Sure, see you around y/n” Hyunjin said as he lifted up his hand to shake yours. His lanky fingers were filled with bold rings, many of which were designer. A slight panic rushed through your mind as you didn’t want to scare him away with your clammy hands. The sweaty hands and the churning of your stomach was all due to Hyunjin nearness. Hesitantly you streched the tips of your fingers against the blond haired boy and his hand emitted warmth when being met with your fingertips. He smiled before turning back, his eyes forming into half moons as charming dimples errupted on his lean cheeks.

You bowed to the other staff members on your way out of the building on your way to meet Bangchan and Jisung in the changing room. The waterbottle in your hand almost slipped as you took another clunck of the fresh water and that’s when you noticed something. Stopping in the hallway where the stylists room was located you inspected the waterbottle and saw a black marker scribble on the wrapper around the bottle. Upon removing it your heart stopped. Your knees could give up at any moment from the sheer shock. Am I losing my mind? A number was loosely doodled on the white plastic wrapper and underneath it there was a message.

Call me

// Hyunjin

𝕋𝕒𝕘𝕝𝕚𝕤𝕥

@vogueinnie @that-anxious-bisexual @putmetogetheragain13 @hyunsluvv @lawleighette @meow-minho @minaamhh @ohmysparkle @hwangi @rindomo @fleeingreality @nycol-ie @jisungsplatforms

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