#(MEANING! SO IF HE HAD SUCH A 'WEAK' 'WISH' HERE! WHAT IF! IN THE FUTURE!!! IT WASN'T !!! SO WEAK !!!!)
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a-s-ter · 6 months ago
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"𝑫𝒊𝒔𝒄𝒊𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒆"
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— 𝐒𝐲𝐩𝐧𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐬: If you don't want your butler to reach a breaking point and take matters into his own hands by 'disciplining' you, perhaps refrain from behaving like a spoiled brat next time.
— 𝐂𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: rough sex , unprotected sex , brat!reader , overstimulation , bttm male reader , blowjob , smacking , swearing , dirtytalk , praise , manhandling , dirty talk , age gap , virgin!reader , making out , degradation , petnames , non con , public sex.
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PART 1 , PART 2
You were furious. Shattering objects around your room, you turned your once pristine chamber into a chaotic mess. Your anger overflowed onto everyone around you, shouting and unleashing abuse.
After that, you broke down. Tears streamed down your cheeks as you gripped the bed sheets, sprawled on your royal bed still clad in your sleepwear.
You were M/n, the prince! How could you have stooped so low as to beg someone, especially a butler? It was utterly humiliating! What would your father and mother say if they discovered your shameful behavior?
Your father had placed a heavy burden upon your shoulders, entrusting you with the future of the empire. He had envisioned you as a paragon of strength, resilience, and dominance. However, you found yourself succumbing to the influence of a mere butler. His admonitions reverberated in your mind like a relentless echo.
"Do not disappoint me. Be strong and wield the sword with skill, just as your brother does. My time wanes, and the throne shall be yours upon my passing. Fail me not, M/n, lest I consider another heir."
These words were etched into your very being, a constant weight upon your conscience. You vowed not to falter. You would rise above this moment of weakness and prove yourself worthy of the crown he had bestowed upon you.
Your cries were silent, hidden from the world. You couldn't bear the thought of anyone discovering your weakness, fearing it would tarnish your reputation and redefine how others perceived you. You couldn't afford to be seen as anything less than the strong and dominant M/n they expected.
You couldn't let your mother and father see this side of you. No one could know your vulnerability. But that butler had already glimpsed your submissive nature, a betrayal you couldn't forgive.
Clutching the bedsheets tighter, you vowed to exact punishment upon him. But how? The question gnawed at you as you plotted your next move.
"Your Highness?"
Your eyes widened as you recognized that voice. It was that damned butler! Quickly, you got up from your bed and hurried to the door without thinking. With a rush of irritation, you swung it open and came face-to-face with that annoying face you despised.
"You asshole! How dare you show your face in front of me!? Get out of my sight, I never wish to see you here ever again!" you yelled, your voice trembling with anger.
He stared down at you, his yellow eyes cold and calculating as they scanned your face. "That's such a shame, Your Highness," he replied, a smirk playing at the corners of his lips. "You'll be seeing me more often."
"W—what the heck do you mean by that!?" you demanded, your bewilderment evident in your tone.
"Your mother," he began, his tone dripping with smug satisfaction, "heard about your recent behavior and was quite shocked. When she saw that I possess the proper manners and decorum you seem to lack, she decided I would be the perfect candidate to be your new etiquette teacher." His words hung in the air, leaving you stunned and speechless.
You chuckled nervously, hoping it was some twisted joke. "H-hey... Tell me you're joking. Y-you're joking, right!?" Desperation seeped into your voice as you grabbed his collar harshly, trying to shake the truth out of him.
"I'm afraid not," he replied calmly, his smirk unwavering. "She found out about your behavior towards the maids and your lack of manners, Your Highness."
Anger flared within you at his words, and you tightened your grip on his collar. "So what if I have no manners!? I couldn't care less about those worthless maids! Those 'foods' are nothing but garbage. We don't eat slop like that; it's disgusting! They should've been kicked out of this castle ages ago! Just like you! Just a lowly butler who's probably good at nothing, maybe just some trash my father picked up!" you spat.
"Your words only confirm why I'm here. Perhaps it's time you learned the value of respect and humility your highness."
"No! Fuck off asshole!" you exclaimed, but he paid no heed to your protests. With a swift motion, he forcefully removed your grip on his collar and seized your wrist in a tight grip, his hold unyielding.
You struggled against his grasp, but it was futile. With a determined stride, he barged into your room, his grip still firm as he flung you to the unforgiving floor. A sharp hiss escaped your lips as pain shot through your body upon impact.
As you lay there, vulnerable and in pain, you watched helplessly as he closed the door behind him and locked it, sealing you both in.
He glared down at you, his eyes a piercing yellow that sent shivers down your spine.
"Shall we begin the lesson with your mouth, Your Highness?" His words were laced with a commanding tone as he strode towards you.
"My mouth!? What do you mean by my mouth? Stay away, you filthy vermin!" You attempted to rise, but your legs failed you, leaving you vulnerable on the floor.
With a smirk that sent a chill down your spine, he loomed over you, seizing your chin to meet his gaze forcibly.
"You have such beautiful eyes your highness. Staring at me like that turns me on." he declared, as your gaze involuntarily dropped to his pants, where a noticeable bulge had formed.
"Do you want to see it? See how I'm going to lecture that mouth of yours?" His tone was both mocking and tantalizing as he began to undo his belt, the metallic clink resonating in the tense silence of the room.
"N-no, no! I don't want to see your icky meat!" you protested, but your words fell on deaf ears as he proceeded to remove his belt and push down his underwear.
Your eyes widened in shock as his erect member was revealed before you, Tall and pale white with a crimson hue at the tip, it stood proudly before you, veins pulsing along its length as it throbbed with anticipation.
"It's yours," he declared, his voice thick with desire, "all yours for you to see anytime and anywhere, Your Highness."
"W-wha—?" Your attempt at a coherent response was abruptly stifled as he seized your head, thrusting his cock into your mouth with an aggressive force that left you gasping for air. The sudden intrusion hit the back of your throat, eliciting a choked gurgle of surprise as your eyes widened in shock.
Instinctively, you reached out, grasping onto his thighs for support as you struggled to accommodate his size. Sweat beaded on his brow as he grunted in satisfaction, relishing the sight of you adjusting to his relentless penetration. His grip tightened on your hair, adding to the sensation of his control over you.
"Mhmm, that's a good boy... Taking me all in," he murmured, his voice thick with lust as he watched you with a predatory gaze.
"Ngh... Let's begin the lesson, Your Highness." With a deliberate motion, he began to withdraw his cock from your mouth, only to slam it back in with a force that stole your breath away. Your grip on his thighs tightened as tears welled in your eyes, a mixture of pain and submission washing over you as you surrendered to his will.
He moaned in ecstasy, throwing his head back as the overwhelming sensations consumed him. The warmth of your mouth enveloped him, the slickness of your saliva adding to the intensity of his pleasure. With each thrust, he felt himself sinking deeper into bliss, utterly lost in the euphoria of the moment.
As he gazed down at you, he couldn't help but marvel at the sight before him. Your furrowed brows, the blush that painted your cheeks, the subtle bulge he noticed in your pants – it was all too much, too perfect. In this moment, you belonged to him and him alone.
"Kick and claw all you like. Scream. Hit me. Curse the fuck out of me. Only you can do that to me and not to anyone else, i don't want your attention to go to anyone but me. You don't belong to anyone but me, M/n. Only me." he declared, his words laced with a possessive fervor as he continued to thrust into your mouth, each motion driving him closer to the edge.
As you gasped for breath, he withdrew his cock from your mouth allowing you a moment to recover. Relief flooded through you as you gulped in air, your chest heaving with the effort while a smirk was playing on his lips as he observed your struggle.
With a cruel chuckle, he grasped his cock firmly in his hand and lightly slapped your flushed cheeks with it, Your glare met his amused gaze. Chuckling softly as he seemed to revel in your reaction.
"Day to dusk, I'm going to fuck that bratty attitude out of you, so you better be ready, your Highness."
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nonranghaes · 8 months ago
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heads up! food mentions + mentions of being engaged/marriage in future
when mingyu's name pops up on your phone, you aren't surprised int he slightest. you know your fiance well enough to know that he's about to complain, too: its your day off. you shouldn't be getting up early to dote on him, even though its his day. so you swipe a finger across the screen and continue to cook your own lunch.
"happy birthday--"
"you peeled the eggs..." oh, how you can hear how hard he's pouting at you right now. "honey, you didn't have to..."
you snort, not even bothering to fight back a smile. you're alone (save for the puppy that keeps pressing her little cold nose against your ankles every so often), you don't have to hide how amused your pouty boyfriend makes you. "it's your birthday," you say, "i had to."
"the entire lunch is cute, though!" you have to wonder if he's complaining at his desk or if he stepped out. it's not like his coworkers don't know how pouty he gets when it comes to you spoiling him (the same way they know you're the same way when he spoils you). he sighs a moment later, settling into a comfortable sense of bliss. "you're too sweet to me..."
"mingyu, you literally whipped up something far fancier for my birthday." you catch yourself pouting. "did you see my note?"
"of course i saw your note!" you nearly laugh this time. this man is definitely pouting still, and you think you heard wonwoo's deep chuckle. "it was cute, too..."
you hear him moving, though, and the sound of a door opening and closing a moment later.
"i'm still going out with the guys after work, but..."
"but?" you're smiling.
a quiet groan. "do i have to say it? it feels mean to say it." when you don't respond, he sighs. "i wish i was coming home to you."
all you can do is snort in laughter. how cute. tall and handsome as he is, he's still the sweetest man you've ever been with. "i'll still be here later," you say. "happy birthday, my mingyu."
he's quiet for a minute. "can you say what you wrote down?" you can only imagine how those pretty eyes would be twinkling at you right now, that handsome smile... "please?"
you smile to yourself, and straighten up. "happy birthday, my soon-to-be husband. i can't wait to marry you."
he lets out this blissful sigh, and you hear the sound of him hitting the wall with his back or shoulder--nothing too hard, but enough to tell you that you've made him weak in the knees. "i love you," he says after a moment. "i can't wait to marry you, too."
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andersonfilms · 2 months ago
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❝ TASTE ME WHEN SHE'S KISSING YOU ❞
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pairing. abby anderson x fem!reader x owen!pissoff
TASTE ME WHEN SHE'S KISSING YOU, being friends with benefits with abby is no easy feat, continuously finding yourself at odds with what you know is logic and a heavy heart but at tess and joel’s wedding, push comes to shove. putting you and abby between a rock and a hard place.
�� warnings y disclaimers. eighteen+, wedding!au, cheating, friends to lovers (kinda?), abby in a fucking suit, lowkey!mean abby, smidge of sub!abby, slight daddy!kink, angst + fluff + smut ps the whole trifecta, light bondage (r!tied up), fingering, 69ing, pussy munching, anal teasing, mean!abby, sub!reader, reader desc. feminine, anti-owen energy, lowkey mel slander.
wc. 21k+
hi guys! it's finally here! m'so proud of this one created with my love, @absfawn. this baby is our pride and joy, we had the most fun writing this together and hope y'all enjoy it as well. if you like it, let us know! feedback truly means a lot. anyways, happy reading!
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Things have always been challenging for both of you. From the moment you met, friendship blossomed, sustaining for years, longer than Abby expected. She’s grateful for you but doesn’t know how you still tolerate her. An inkling can be found in the pit of her stomach, and every time her gaze catches you, there’s a hope that terrifies her. Almost a promise or a future she knows she wants but doesn’t think she can ever have. 
It’s been like this since the moment the two of you met. 
She remembers the first time she spoke of you, with Tess and Joel at the monthly dinner they had every first of the month, the light in her bright blues putting the full moon to shame. While Joel just chucked it up to a blossoming friendship, Tess could see something different — something bright. It shocked Tess even more when Abby brought Owen when she came to visit and not you. Her shine didn’t exist when Abby was with her boyfriend, but it did with you. Just a few months later, Tess met you, and she chucked when she saw how Abby couldn’t keep your eyes off of you. She constantly tended to you, ensuring you were comfortable, or the not-so-subtle hand rubbing your thigh sweetly. 
Joel was clueless about the behavior, but Tess could see it clearly as day. 
Tess had never seen Abby so full of joy, not since her mother had so tragically been taken away from her. 
Ever since her mother’s passing, Tess has been the one to take her under her protective wing. She was one of the very few Abby couldn’t count on, gracious to be there to hold her hand and wipe her tears when she lost her mother in her early teen years. As much as Abby loves her Father, the moments she misses her mom are more vigorous than one would like to admit. The specific way she would braid her golden hair or the tender kiss she would leave on her temple before she wished Abby goodnight. Her age didn’t matter; her mom never let her feel unloved from the moment she held her as a newborn. Abby’s curious eyes were all it took for mom to be enamored with her daughter. 
When her grades started slipping, and her absence at school became apparent, her soccer coach snapped her out. She let Abby talk about her mom when her Father, Jerry, was too weak to discuss the elephant in the room. Abby never blames him; she is the love of his life, and he mourns her every day. He looks at her bright blues, and the touch of green surrounding the irises reflects her mothers. She also talked about how soft spoken Abby is, how particular she is with her tidiness, and how she learned to braid her hair like her mother used to. 
Ever since then, the bond they shared nearly became unbreakable. 
Tess never had a child of her own, and she never could either, but with Abby, it almost felt like she was one of her own—the adoptive daughter she didn’t even know she needed but couldn’t imagine her life without. Even if Abby has to take a flight to see her, they never miss their Sunday afternoon call, where they catch up on the nonsense in both of their lives. 
It’s one of the most incredible comforts Abby has. She’ll treasure it for as long as she has Tess, her second chance at a mother’s love, she likes to call it. However, Abby couldn’t get away with hiding in the dark sometimes because of how close they were. Especially when she brought you over for the holidays for the first time. 
Two Years Earlier…
“I don’t know what’s going on with you and Owen or you and her, but don’t mess it up with her.” Tess mumbles as they watch from a distance. There you are, Joel, and you, her Father, Jerry, preparing Thanksgiving dinner. You look happy. It brings a delightful smile to Abby. It feels right, you being here with her, how easy all of it is except for why it’s so painfully not. 
“Yeah, I might be putting my foot in my mouth with this one,” Abby admits. She sips on the chilled beer you brought her a few moments ago. 
“Something is going on, isn’t it? Showing up with her instead of Owen is surely saying something.” Tess huffs out ironically. “Can’t imagine one like that is too keen on someone other than himself taking up time in your life.” 
“I suppose something is going on,” Abby says so quickly that Tess almost misses it. 
“Abigail Anderson.” 
“I know! Okay, I’ll stop it. I just—” She pauses to look at you, making an effort with her Father as Jerry’s probably telling you some old joke you’ve already heard three too many times, but you humor him. 
“You love her.” 
“I don’t—” 
“Don’t even, Abigail.” The older woman bites back. Abby opens her mouth to say a line of defense, but it says so openly that she thinks a fly might go ahead and make a home. 
Tess has always been a no bullshit kind of woman. She was never one to beat around the bush; she always directly called out Abby on her own shit. When it stunk, she would be the first to tell her. 
“I don’t have to tell you how this looks, do I?” 
“Nope. We’re crystal clear.” 
Dinner goes off without a hitch. There is roasted ham—the biggest ham Abby has ever seen—mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, beets, sweet potatoes, and her favorite—apple pie. Everyone digs in rather quickly. The Southern meal does wonders for the heart but silences the makeshift family. Abby can hear Joel moan as he stuffs his mouth full of potatoes. 
Her dad keeps the conversation light, asking where Ellie is. Apparently, her flight got snowed in. She missed the original flight due to not setting an alarm, resulting in oversleeping an hour past her flight. Everyone is quietly talking when you notice some gravy dribbling down her lips. 
“Here, Abs, let me get it.” Instead of using your napkin to clean up the mess, your thumb wipes it off her pink and pouty lips, doing it all with a sweet smile on your face. As if it had never happened, you dig back into your food. 
You miss it. 
Tess gives Abby a deadly look, her eyes bugging at the mannerisms. How close the two of you must be that Abby, who isn’t one for physical touch, let you do something so intimate and so easily at that. Raising her eyebrows as if to signal if it genuinely happened, Abby measly shrugged at Tess as if it was no big deal. 
The rest of the night, Abby was mindful of how close they got to you, but you seemed to really not give a fuck. After you were done eating, your head resting on her shoulder as you lightly engaged in conversation, the food doing its job, nearly subduing you into a small comatose. 
No more than a few hours later, you have a glass of wine as you sit next to Abby, joking with Joel as you rub the back of her muscular back. Drawing random patterns on her spine as she nearly moans from the tingles sent through your body. 
This is everything Abby wants at her fingertips; you are everything she’s ever wanted. The way you’re so soft, delicate when you handle other people, how when you comfort her, it’s the warmest she’s felt in god knows how long. She thinks of Owen and how he makes her feel, but it doesn’t make her feel anything at times, not the intensity she feels in the rapid beat of her heart each time she feels your comforting touch or your sweet voice dripping honey all over her. 
Life has always been in black and white — good and bad choices for her. 
But none of this seemed to be that simple. 
Especially since she’s the said person making the questionable decisions. Desperately, she finds herself forced to think of it each time Tess throws her a glance each time you do something entirely too intimate for a platonic, casual friend. Nothing about this is purely a token of friendship, but the only person questioning it is the woman who knows her like the back of her hand. 
The last night she’s there, her urges give in, especially when you’re begging for it. It’s not even thirty minutes since you went to the guest bedroom, separate from her own, and you’re knocking on her door. Your pupils are dilated, thighs rubbing against one another, your perky tits visible through the think tank top and pajama shorts you’re wearing. 
It isn’t long before you’re in her bed, deliciously placed on top of her with you, with your slick folds gliding against her. Even with as good as it feels, how close Abby knows she’s getting, the tight knot in her stomach begging to be released, she savors the moment. It’s a slight tick she has, watching you as you use her body to feel the euphoric rise. The headboard creaks as you roll your hips. Abby should care that someone might hear them, but when your pace increases, her body twitches, and she loses control, finding it difficult for anything else to cross her mind. The irresistible high Abby rides sends you into your own, your body collapsing on top of her. 
With the palm of her hands, she soothes your back, rubbing her hands up and down your spine, your body shaking from the orgasm. 
Maybe it’s the holidays or seeing you with her family. The words she desperately wants to say threaten to spill over her tongue. Almost as if you can sense it, your lips find hers as you reach backward to grab her hands, intertwining them with your own before pinning them over her head. A flutter fills the blonde as you kiss along her jaw sweetly before finding her lips again, telling her everything you know the both of you can’t say. 
’Cause the reality is Abby isn’t yours to hold, but the two of you will keep pretending like she is. You fall asleep cuddled into her frame, your soft breath grazing into her neck, sending shivers down her spine. Just like every night this happens, Abby can’t sleep. 
From a very young age, Abby has always been one to worry, keeping her up all night. Her mother had to convince her to take melatonin, which dissolves on her tongue just so she could get sleep throughout grade school. As the years passed, her life became more complicated, and the amount of sleep she got seemed to decrease substantially. 
Carefully, she untangles her limbs, not wanting to disturb your peaceful slumber. She blows a puff of smoke, swinging back and forth on the porch swing, and the moonlight kisses her cheeks. As much as Abby likes to deny it, the holidays make her miss home, but she’s found another thousands of miles away that’s hard to give up. 
Of course, Tess can’t sleep either. 
She takes the bud from Abby’s grip and takes a hit herself. 
“You know these are so bad for you.” Tess shakes her head, the draw she has peeping through. 
“Not bad enough for you, huh?” Abby giggles as Tess rolls her eyes. If she looks closely enough, she sees the little thirteen year old mama’s girl before her eyes. The sentiment nearly makes Tess’ eyes water. It’s been such a long time since she’s seen the bright-eyed athlete this blissful. “Guess not, Abigail.” 
“Jerry was talkin’ about you and her after y’all retreated for the night.” Abby’s eyes quirk up, her body language becoming rigid at the mention of you. She tries to ease her nerves, taking another hit as she allows the cannabis to infiltrate her lungs, almost holding a candle to the insatiable addiction she has for you. “Oh yeah?” 
She passes the joint back to Tess as she takes another hit, blowing it into the crispy fall wind as it kisses the oak tree hovering over the house. Abby isn’t sure why it puts her own edge or why there is a need to protect you from any further suspicions. The status of her current relationship, the one she has with you, why Owen isn’t here with her, and why you are. It’s an answer she doesn’t really have yet.  
“Less arguing with her than Owen. It’s what he joked about, nothing serious. Unwound that neck of yours, thought you’d be less tense with all that creaking.” 
“Tess!” 
“What? I’m old, not deaf.” 
Abby can’t help the blush creeping up her neck, crawling to her freckled cheeks. She doesn’t want to smile or expose her feelings about you more than tonight, but she fails. It creeps on her just like you have. The only thing she’s sure of is it won’t halt anytime soon. This deep hole she’s dug herself in just gets her closer to hell, but sinning has never felt so euphoric. She feels it every time your sweet taste dances on her tongue or your giggle is so light it fills everyone in the room with joy. Her favorite has to be your smile. Abby swears she’s seeing an angel for the first time. 
“Just say it. If you can’t tell anyone else, tell me. You can’t tell her right now, or that girl will run in another direction, leaving you with that sorry excuse for a man by your side.” Tess huffs as Abby rolls her eyes. 
“He’s not that bad.” 
“He must be that bad if you’re hooking up with someone who isn’t your boyfriend, Abigail.” Abby’s mouth opens, and no words manage to crawl out as she looks at Tess with wide eyes. Sure, she was a blunt and honest person most of the time, but she could have saved Abby the trouble of being so fucking honest for just a moment. Just to save her already breaking heart. 
“S’not what it is—”
“No?” Tess cocked her head to the side, looking at Abby silently, almost as if she was trying to figure her out. “Then what is it? Just us here, Abby. Like I said if you can’t turn to anyone else and speak to them about whatever the fuck is going on, at least speak to me. Is that not what I told you years ago? If you are ever having a problem or an issue, you come to me, and I will do my best to help you.”
Abby lowers her head in shame or frustration—she has no idea which—and inhales deeply. “It’s s’not that easy. You think me sitting here, smoking with you, is going to make it easier? Because I won’t. I don’t know why you’re trying so hard.”
“Because I love you, and I don’t want to see you or anyone else hurt in the process.” She’s blunt again, but her serious face falters just a little bit when Abby nods slowly. “Abby—”
“You don’t understand. You don’t understand how much it hurts,” Her blue eyes pierce into Tess’s, and she feels her heart break piece by piece. “You don’t, you have Joel, you have each other, a love you share doesn’t always happen to everyone else. I won’t get a love like yours because m’just fucking up my life by hurting everyone who walks into it. Owen doesn’t even look at me the same anymore, and what am i supposed to do? Slap on a smile and act like that’s fuckin normal? And when he is fine? It’s not important enough for him to see. Being with her is something I haven’t felt or had before.”
“You either tell her you love her or you end it, s’’not right, and you know it. You’re just stringing her along.” 
“You think I don’t fucking know that?” Abby scoffs and tugs at her hair with a soft growl under her breath. “You think I don’t think about that whenever I tell her to leave? Even though she can make my shitty night into something perfect? Do you think m’not thinking that the entire time? What do you want me to say to her? I love you, but I can’t ruin your life because I love fucking up mine?” She laughs, one Tess can smell is fake, and shrugs to herself. 
“Everything I’ve had, or had, gets taken from me, and when I find the one thing that m’here for, and I can’t do anything but see her behind closed doors, those stupid glances and smiles that make my heart feel like it’s going to rip out my chest? That’s what is fucking keeping me alive. Just to see her fuckin face, to see her smile, makes me feel alive. It makes me feel again.” Abby finally looks up at Tess, the walls she’s built up for years slowly crack. “You think I don’t know m’breaking her heart because I have no idea what I'm doing with my life right now? You're wrong if you think I don’t because I spend endless nights hating myself for it. No one will ever hate me more than I hate myself, Tess.”
For once, Tess is stunned into silence. Abby closed herself off from friends and family as she grew older, never opening up about her feelings and emotions. Even if people said it wasn’t a healthy thing to do, she never listened and kept at it. “No one hates you, Abby.” Her voice is quiet and cautious as she reaches for Abby’s hand, a hand that’s suddenly grown colder as the minutes pass.
“I hate myself,” Abby’s voice cracks, a younger shell of herself clawing its way out. “I hate myself and don’t know what to do.”
“You need to start being honest with yourself, Abby.” Tess smiled, reaching up and wiping Abby’s tears away with a soft touch. “How badly do you love her?”
“To the point, I can’t be without her.”
Abby’s body leans more into Tess’s touch the longer she wipes away her tears and rests her head on her shoulder. “Then you have to tell her, you know? I know the entire situation is a fucked up one, at best, but you’re still hurting yourself. I don’t want you to hate yourself, and I don’t want you to end up being hurt in the end. Do you understand where I’m coming from? That’s all I want for you, to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you, Abigail.”
“She makes me happy, Tess.”
“I know, Sweetheart,” Tess mumbles against her temple and brushes loose strands of hair behind her ear. “Talking and admitting things isn’t easy for you like it is for others. I know that, but you can’t keep holding in how you feel because you are scared to hurt the person who’s supposed to take care of you. We can see you aren’t happy with Owen, Abby, everyone can see it but you and him. If you love her and not him, you need to tell her. I’m here, I’m always here if you need that extra bit of help, but getting how you feel off your chest, to her, will do you good.”
Abby makes a sound between a groan and a huff before nodding against Tess’s shoulder slower than a snail slides. “M’trying. Everyday m’trying but it’s just so hard.”
“I’m not telling you to tell her about the day when you would throw a fit when I tried to brush your hair or would slap the scissors out my hand whenever you asked me to cut your hair; you don’t have to rush yourself, I know that people are hurting but you are also hurting, and that’s the last thing I want for you. Go at your own pace, but don’t leave it too late, Abby. People only wait for a certain amount of time.”
“What if I’ve already lost her?” Abby can’t help but insecurely ask.
“I don’t think she would still be happy to see you if you lost her, Abigail. The girl isn’t going anywhere, but she might if you don’t tell her how you really feel. I can see the way she looks at you, it’s the same way Joel looks at me, actually,” Tess laughed, slapping Abby’s head lighty when she playfully made gagging sounds. “Enough of that.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“As I was saying, she looks at you like you hung all the stars in the sky. If you lost her, she wouldn’t continue to look at you like that. That is all I'm saying. Given how shitty the entire situation is right now, I Can tell you that girl is not going anywhere. You just need that extra push to tell her how you really feel, okay?”
Abby lifts her head and looks at Tess, her eyes red and slightly puffy; a small smile appears on her lips before she nods again. “Okay,” She sucked in a deep breath. “I’ll try. Thank you.” The blonde sniffles.
“That’s what I’m here for, to make sure you stay out of shit like this,” Tess jokes while Abby simply rolls her eyes. “You’re the best thing in my life, Abby, I hate to see you so upset.”
“I thought Joel was the best thing in your life?”
“What he doesn’t know doesn’t hurt him, you will always be my favourite person. Just think next time before something like this happens, for my sake. I’m getting older, you know.” She shoves Abby’s shoulder with hers gently and squeezes her hand. “I love you. Even if you have ruined my makeup.”
That has Abby on alert, her eyes widening as she looks at Tess to find the once perfect mascara smudged under her eyes. “Did I make you cry? M’sorry—”
“I give a shit about you, Abby. When you’re hurt, I’m hurt because you’re in pain, and sometimes I don’t know what to do to make you feel better,” She admitted softly. “If you think I can sit here and not cry when you’re telling me you hate yourself, then you are stupid. It breaks my heart to know you think so little of yourself. You’re perfect, you hear me? No matter what is happening, you’re worth so much more. You deserve so much more than what he’s giving you. If he’s the reason you think of yourself so little of yourself like this, I’ll park my foot up his ass.”
A wet laugh rips through Abby’s throat before she can stop it and Tess is just happy that Abby’s already feeling just a little better. “I would like to see that,” She giggled, wiping her eyes and shaking her head. “It’s not— I think I’ve just started hating myself over the years because it’s easier than loving myself. I don’t know, sometimes I don't think m’good enough for anyone so hating myself seemed easier, m’working on it, I promise.” 
“You’re good enough, Abigail. You’re more than enough. I don’t care if it takes me years, i’ll make you see how perfect you are. You deserve more than he’s ever given you. I just wish you would see that. She makes you happy, he doesn’t. You and her work. I only had to find you both looking at each other with that smile, and I knew. You can’t hide anything from me, ever. It’s impossible.” Tess smiled, a smile that Abby missed when she was always so serious.
“I love you,” Abby chokes out, voice slightly rough and raspy, but she gets it out. “I know I don’t tell or show you enough, but I do love you. I know that I don't say anything enough, but thank you, and not just for tonight. It has been for every night, every day, since I was younger. For never giving up on me when some days I really wished you would. Some days, you would look at me, and I just wished you would give up on me because I didn’t want to disappoint someone else I love.”
“You never disappoint me, Abby. You could never do that.”
“Not even right now?”
“You might have put yourself in a stupid place right now, but that doesn’t mean you’ve disappointed me. That’s something that you could seriously never do. You just need to think about what you want and do it. No more holding back. Take that leap and go for what you want.”
“I want her. I’ve always only ever wanted her, Tess.”
“Then stop crying in my arms and go get your girl.” 
— 
Two Years Later…
Abby, now more than ever, wonders if she’s truly become this malignant villain. Even with good intentions, she still manages a way to wreak havoc in your life — only wishing to be your savior but somehow ending up your heinous villain. The rose colored glasses covering your perfect, beautiful eyes, not being able to see what’s so clearly in front of you. 
For there is a day like today, where she can’t even stand to look at herself in the mirror. It’s a truly, unsettling, aching feeling that wells in her chest before it sinks to her stomach. Silently, she tells herself, this will be the last. You deserve more than this. 
She promises to end things with Owen, her long standing boyfriend, the needle in your spin. The needle in the haystack you need to pluck and throw into another dimension. Every time you bring him up, Abby closes herself off or redirects the subject. If there’s one thing she despises, it’s talking about him when she’s with you. She tells herself it doesn’t but the guilt consumes her, not for being with you but because she’s unable to give you what you deserve. 
Abby can’t quite stop herself from dragging her feet in the mud, the impending blow of her relationship with Owen is near but still halts. A safety net may be the cause of her hollow demise, but it’ll be there to catch her. 
You question why she needs him at all. 
Late night booty calls where she’ll have to make up some lie to Owen as she seeks the refuge of the nectar she craves on her salivating lips, how the insatiable blonde won’t stop until you’re coating over lips entirely, the sweet sensation dancing on her tongue as she swallows every drop. When she’s practically dying for a taste, you never say no to her, even if you should, you're not capable of it. Even if her intentions are well placed she still takes advantage of the situation. 
Abby wonders if it’s obvious how much craves for a moment of your undivided attention. Do you know how much you replay in her mind? The moans rivaling a symphony, the one she imagines as Abby gets off to the thought of you. Thick, long fingers stuffed in her cunt as she contemplates if you do the same. It seems you must when you’re calling her tonight, moaning her name softly as you beg her to come over. Even if she was just there last night, Abby would come running like a dog digging for their favorite bone.
As long as you asked, she will always come. 
It isn’t until after when you’re so blissed and fucked out, the guilt surfaces again, practically substituting the blood supply pumping through her veins. Hazy eyes clouded with lust and love look at her, the damn look always getting her in this bed with you. To no avail, it’s a cycle she created and enabled, the two of you too weak with need to break. 
Abby feels shame when she doesn’t let the love reach her eyes, the love that reaches yours every time you look at her. She’s envious of it. How open your love expands even when she’s done nothing but tangle you up in her web of lies and deceit. 
She’s only snapped out of her thoughts when you run your fingers through her golden hair, her blocked blues, void of any tell of what she’s thinking looks at you again, really looks instead of just staring off into whatever has her so tripped up. She tries anyway. 
“Baby, come back to me.” 
The pad of your thumb caresses her scarred cheek, delicately tracing patterns into her soft skin, but you know she won’t come back. Not mentally, not until there’s distance from what the both of you did. Until it happens again and this is where the both of you land again. 
“I don’t know—” You shut her up, lips locking with her even softer ones, pink and swollen from the past few hours. 
“Stop. Please? Would you just look at me?” 
“I am…looking.” 
“Baby?” You speak softly, so delicate it makes Abby nearly whine. The name of endearment, as soon as it falls, engraves your name on another piece of her heart. Each time you’re sweeter to her than she deserves, a little part of her is given to you. Abby isn’t sure how much she has left that doesn’t belong to you. 
Every bit of it is yours to have, even if you decide you don’t want it, her heart will always belong to you. 
“Yeah?” She leans into your touch, even if it’s just for a singular second, you pick up on it. 
“Can you stay tonight?” You plead as you crane your neck to look at her from a better angle, fully coming off your high, until it’s replaced with a new one. Every second you look at her it feeds the endless addiction you have for her, the drug you need more and more every day. 
“Yeah, I’ll stay.” Her voice is full of rasp as she agrees to your request. Then she uses her strength to pull you back on top of her. Your face rests against hers as you find warmth in the crook of her neck, smelling the familiar oak scent laced with vanilla as she runs a gentle hand up and down your spine. Even if you’re afraid this will stop at any given moment, you cherish the moment. 
Abby starts telling you about her day, all the stupid little shit, just boring no sequential errands she was running to fill her days. It’s strangely domestic, a side she doesn’t expose often. With you or anyone. The complaints about Abby’s stone wall are said often to Mel. How she’s nearly stoic these days, staying in the confinements of her own mind, watching as the world passes her by instead of living in it. 
What neither of them neglect to know she is, but it’s done in such secrecy the omission must die on your tongue. The dirty little secret you must protect like an oath you don’t remember swearing, but with Abby it’s all the same. 
You would do anything for her. As much as it hurts in the big moments when she can’t be here with you, it heals you when she’s in your bed, caressing your back, whispering sweet nothings in your ear. Promises you want to believe, a complement of how pretty you are, or how much she misses you in the time you’re subjected to spend apart. It’s when you’re strong, when you want more but know you can’t have it so it makes you upset. Enough to the point where you distance yourself but ultimately this is where it always ends up. Not just for you, but for her too. 
“M’sorry I’ve been avoiding you.” You confess, easier to say it when you don’t have to look at her. 
“It’s okay.” Abby thinks you should just leave her, cut her out of your life, leave her broken and bleeding. It should be the penance she pays for holding so much time in your life. 
“It’s not. You wouldn’t do it to me.” Abby sighs but she wraps you up in her strong arms, pulling you closer to her, if it was even possible. “I do sometimes, it’s not entirely true.” 
As you stroke her blonde hair, running your fingers through the strands you ask her something, a terrifying thought that feels you with so much dread, your hands begin to shake. 
“Abby?” It isn’t the usual way you say her name, it’s void of emotion which makes her create a slight distance so she can look at you. You’re trying so hard not to cry, choking back the tears as but they start to slip, viciously without your permission. An instant, the girl below you starts wiping them away, doing her best to soothe you. “What’s wrong?” Laced with concern as you try to avoid her overpowering gaze, because if you do, you won’t get out what you need to say. You’ll fall into her, unable to find yourself, trapped in the abyss of the woman you love. 
“Just promise me.” 
“Promise you what?” 
“Promise you’ll be honest with me. Promise me if you get bored with me, if this becomes too much for you or if you decide it’s him and not me, you’ll tell me. I can handle all of this but I can’t handle being lied to or being shoved in the dark.” 
It doesn’t take her more than a second to respond, “I promise. You’ll always have my honesty.” Abby locks her lips with yours, you whimper in her mouth, so loudly it’s nearly pathetic. She tastes the saltiness of your tears, the anguish funneling beneath you. Truthfully, she doesn’t blame you. Two and a half years and you’re still here. Abby knows she doesn’t deserve for you to be but you are. With the wedding coming up and her going with Owen, your place by her side is insignificant, making you wish things were different. 
Abby tries to tell you how she feels through the kiss, without saying what she actually feels, what she’s always wanted to tell you but can’t. It’s too cruel to say when Abby can’t fully give herself to you. So, she holds you until you fall asleep in her arms and only then does she cry. Truly hating herself for breaking one of the only people she’s ever truly loved, splitting you into two the longer she contemplates on what to do. She hopes you’re deep in sleep, unable to feel the tears kissing your shoulder because if anything has pushed her to the brink, it’s seeing the love of her life cry because of what she’s done. 
— 
Two week later…
Thursday. September 2024. 
Abby couldn’t stop moving, the entire ride to the airport in the shared uber with you by her side. Indifference. It was too much for her to hyperfixate on so she focused on the dreary cloud as gray as her depleted eyes, void of the natural blue tint it once held. 
The ring on your thumb, an emerald stone, a gift from Abby for your birthday being constantly tapped with the blunt of your nail. There’s a craving Abby wants to satiate, a need bubbling at the service to link your fidgeting palm with hers but she can’t. 
This entire weekend she won’t be able to. Somehow, with the help of Owen’s oblivious nature, she convinced him it’d be a good idea to take separate flights due to her insane schedule which wasn’t not true. 
Just an exaggerated truth. At least that’s what she told herself. 
The ongoing fights with Owen, the pleading from you — rightfully so. It’s tearing her in two different directions. 
“Abs—” Your gentle touch lightly caresses her exposed forearm, “We’re here.” 
She’s pulled back into reality with a touch so light and warm, Abby swears she sees stars. Even when you’re upset with her, your kindness still extends, something she’s not quite sure what to do with. If she welcomes it, she’s greedy for wanting to have her cake and eat it too. On the other hand if she dismisses you to ease her guilty conscience, it makes her into the malicious monster she never wants to be. 
Abby carries both of your bags as you make your way through the airport. The only exception? Your personal carry-on you refuse to let her hold. She wants to question the action, but she lets it slip through the cracks. 
The line to board is outrageously long. Absent-mindedly, Abby’s head falls into the crook in your neck, her chest pressed against your back. She forgets she shouldn’t feel the right to. Not when she promises so much but always tends to go back on her word. 
Yet, you say nothing. 
A part of you knows that if you say something, or try shrugging her off, it’s going to end in one of you saying the wrong thing, in a place at the wrong time, but on the other hand, you could never deny her touch, or being so close to her. She was intoxicating, maybe Abby didn’t think so, but to you, she was all you wanted, all you wanted to be around. So when her body suddenly relaxes more against yours, and your hand wraps around to keep her up, her eyes, ones that were on the brink of falling asleep, snap open, you know she’s got questions. Many of them. Many you don’t have the heart of words to reply to. So you both say nothing, again. A silent action that holds everything. Abby doesn’t need to ask what’s going on in your head, the same way you don’t need to ask what’s going on in hers. You both already know. 
By the time you make it onto the plane, Abby feels even closer. So close that you can smell the pinewood body wash she used this morning, the smell of her mint gum she keeps chewing on when you got the uber. You were so caught up in your own mind, and your crazy thoughts that you didn’t even realize or feel the hand she had on your lower back, guiding you to where you were both seated. It was natural for her to do that when it was just you two. Keeping you safe, always having an arm around you just in case anything were to happen.jk 
Her touch always made you melt, she knew it, yet she didn’t stop herself from letting go.
“Do you want the window seat, or?” Abby left the question open, it’s the most she’s said to you all morning, her eyes did most of her talking whenever she would look at you, but even though you were somewhat upset with her, hearing her voice made you relax. “Babe” the pet name rolls off her tongue so effortlessly and gently that she doesn’t realize she’s done it, it’s only when your head snaps up to look at her, with your lips parted, that she does. “Shit, that’s, m’sorry. I know you’re upset with me right now—”
But you smile, maybe you laughed a little too, but she can’t focus when you’re smiling at her like that. “Abs, s’okay. You say it a lot, it was going to happen.” you reminded her, fumbling with your ring again, a nervous habit you’re convinced only happens around her. “I know you like the window seat, even though you worry me when you completely zone out looking at the clouds” you teased, poking her in the shoulder lightly.   
“Hey, clouds are relaxing to look at.” Abby shrugged, a cheeky smile curving up on her lips. “And i know you like being closer to the snacks when they bring them out, so we both win” She’s teasing this time, and you let her. “But you forget, you always make me buy you snacks before we go anywhere”
“I don’t make you, you offer to buy me them!”
“You still take them though, don’t you?”
“That’s beside the point, Anderson, you know i love my snacks. Nothing will ever get in the way of me and them. No matter what you say.”
“Not even us?”
The question had your heart aching and you hadn’t even sat down yet! Abby doesn’t miss the way you look at her and then away from her, like you don’t even know how to respond to that. She knows it’s too soon to be asking that, yet sometimes, her mouth runs before her brain can keep up with her. Something you did like about her. “Not here, Abby, please” your words came out as a whisper, eyes silently pleading at her.
“You’re right, m’sorry, again. I seem to be fucking up a lot lately, don’t i?” She smiles, but it’s one that doesn’t reach her eyes like all the other times. Because she knows if she keeps asking, looking at you like that, acting like this is normal, it’s going to break you even more. 
“You haven’t, you’re not, it’s just a lot, we can talk about it after, okay?” 
“After.” Abby nodded, the smile finally reaching her eyes. 
Hope.
For the most part, once you had both sat in your seats, Abby by the window comfortably and you, on the outside seat, already patiently waiting for the snacks, the blonde hadn’t uttered a single question that involved the pair of you. The one not long ago still lingered in your head, in your chest and it just consumed you. You were glad that she had decided to suddenly become quiet, looking out the small window in hopes she wouldn’t accidentally spill another question that had you pulling more away from her. 
She could handle a lot. Losing you was one she couldn’t handle. 
She knew she would lose you fully if she pressed too hard on a question.
Abby couldn’t afford to let that happen. 
Apart from the chatter of parents, and screaming children a few rows in front of you, Abby didn’t move a muscle. It was funny. Sometimes if she were focused, she would grind her teeth together, you would only know that if you’ve been around her long enough. You heard it one night. It was after a small fight with Owen, that she ended up at your apartment and you could hear the way she ground her teeth together from sitting beside her, but this time, not a single peep from her. Not even a flinch when one of the children screamed at the top of their lungs. 
She didn’t even drop hints that she knew you were looking over at her. Abby was used to your stare, used to the feeling of knowing when you would have your gaze on her whenever you had the chance that is, so maybe this was just her playing hard to get, but it still came as a shock that she wasn’t even phased. One second she’s missing you and your touch, to then not even caring about it or having it the next. After all this time, she was still hard to figure out, just like she was when you met her.
you’ll figure her out, again, if you have to.
Friday. September 2024.
The night, one that’s supposed to be happy and cheerful, doesn’t seem to be like that for Abby. Don’t get her wrong, she’s happy, happy for those around her, happy for those having fun, happy for Joel and Tess on their engagement. I mean, why wouldn’t she be happy for them? it was Joel and Tess, the same Tess that’s been there for Abby during a few, more like multiple, rough patches in her life, listened to her when she felt like anything she did wasn’t good enough, spoke to her about you, and how shitty she feels about not giving you everything you deserve. The same Tess that’s never let her down, but as she stands here, away from everyone else who seems to be enjoying it, cradling a bottle of beer in her hand, Abby wants to run. She isn’t sure why. All she knows is that the longer she watches the people around her, watches you, she wants the ground to swallow her whole, chew her up, and spit her back out.
Abby picks lamely at the label, easily torn away by the condensation of the bottle of beer, it’s all she can do at the moment. Owen seems to be interested in the topics Mel is bringing up. Any other night, she might feel her blood boiling in her presence but she finds herself otherwise occupied. The barstool she’s nursing supports her thighs, Owen’s cologne is so strong she almost finds herself gagging on the musky oak, the one she hates. It reminds her of you, ironically enough. 
You’re the antithesis of him. Abby couldn’t find one similarity if she tried. All hours for the rest of her life could be spent on this one task, yet it would always remain unfinished. The softness of your skin, putting the finest silk to shame. She thinks of your kind heart, the patience that extends to her in ways she doesn’t feel deserving of. On more days than she has enough hands to count, you’ve dropped your entire list of responsibilities for her. When there’s been no one else, there’s always been you.
Owen doesn’t even notice how her jaw clenches, the muscles constricting against the harsh grind of her teeth, the grim frown gracing her sunkissed face, or even the way her firm hand fists the glass so hard, Abby’s just a few moments waiting for it to blow. Part of her, however small it may be, wishes for the glass to pierce her sensitive porcelain skin. Maybe then you’d actually care instead of being lost in the shining emerald’s of Ellie fucking Williams. 
Abby wishes she crushed her skull the first chance she got.
Or maybe break her fingers.
She has an endless list.
One that seems to get shorter whenever she finds you. Her only reason is you.
Abby hates the way Ellie’s hands find refuge on your lower back, the same place she loves to place her own whenever she’s close to you. She doesn't know why the way your face and smile light up at something she’s said to you, tears Abby's heart into pieces. Just the way you look into Ellie’s eyes and laugh is like an arrow just got shot through her heart. So many promises she’s made you, and the longer the seconds and minutes pass, she feels like you’re forgetting all about them. Maybe she only has herself to blame. No, she knows she is the only one to blame. 
You weren’t even hers, and she was losing you to someone who had already taken enough from her. That scares her. It scares her with how far she would go for you. Just to see you happy, safe, and smiling. There isn’t a single thing she wouldn’t do for you. 
She’s scared to be yours, but she’s terrified to not be yours. 
Your eyes found hers like a magnet, almost as if you were trying to find her, and Abby’s heart flutters at the sight when you smile at her. A smile she has devoted months upon months of trying to bring out of you with her shitty jokes and silliness. The prior worries and doubts seem to disappear into the back of her mind, disbursing like an open fire that’s slowly burning out, and she gives you a small wave. A wave that has you waving her over, wanting her to be closer, needing her to enjoy herself.
“Abby, if you don’t get over here, m’going to drag you off that stool!” You yelled over the music, your giggle sending another flutter in her chest. Did you seem to forget Ellie? Abby thought as she placed the bottle on the counter and sighed deeply through her nose. 
Fumbling with her jacket sleeve cuff links, Abby’s eyes, one’s that you love to look at, stay locked to yours as she slowly makes her way towards you, a familiar look sparkling in those blue orbs of hers, and she has the nerve to fucking smirk one she’s close enough. The blonde looks over at Ellie, that harsh resentment bubbling back up, before looking at you again with her hand out towards you. No words, just actions being thrown your way. “How gentlewomanly of you” you grinned, placing your hand in hers and a soft gasp slipped past your lips when she pulls you right into her chest. Not even a sheet of paper could fit between you both. Abby didn’t care who was around, and who was going to complain about her dancing with you?
What you both don’t notice is the way Mel suddenly stops her conversation with Owen, who was mindlessly babbling and yapping on about whatever the fuck he was talking about and cocked her head to the side when she spotted you and Abby. How one of her hands was now pressed against your lower back, the other holding onto yours. Yours seemingly comfortably on her shoulder. 
Like you were so used to doing this with her.
“What the fuck are you looking at? I was trying to tell you—” Owens words get cut short when he, still oblivious as usual, turns around when he catches Mel’s stare, one that wasn’t directed at him, and his eyes land on Abby. His girlfriend. Who was way too close to you. Dancing like you weren’t in a room full of people. Like you want people to fucking know. 
He doesn’t even seem to catch the way she looks at you. The small grin on her face that, for you, holds so much more than just an expression. To the way, her fingers flex against your back with each step you make to the sound of the music playing loudly over the speakers. Not to mention, she way she lowers her head, lips grazing the shell of your ear so softly that you almost whimper against her. “This dress, s’pretty. You’re pretty” was all she whispered, and pulled away before you had time to respond. 
Your eyes, without your want, flicker to the people crowding around one of the tablets, and your heart suddenly drops, as does your shy smile when you lock eyes with Owens. A clenched-jawed Owen that looks seconds away from bursting into flames. “Abs,” you couldn’t help but mumble, body and brain refusing to look away from him. “He looks angry”
“We are only dancing. Nothing wrong with that” She growled, not necessarily at you, but at the entire situation. She can’t touch or hold you the way she wants to. Poor girl can’t even say what she’s already thinking, to you, without making a scene. “He’s not gonna do anything.” She states firmly. “He knows this night is important to Joel and Tess, and he knows their happiness is important to me. He won’t do say or anything to you” 
“But what about to you?”
“Then let him.”
By the time the words tumble from her mouth, you’re pulling both your hands away from her when Owen is suddenly making his way towards you both. The warmth and safety you brought Abby, being ripped away from her, had her jaw locking and eye twitching. “Abby” He smiles, although you know it’s fake. 
“What?” Her reply comes out somewhat slightly harsh which has him doing a double take and looking at you with angry eyes, again. Ones you were slightly getting used to already. “We were dancing here, you’re ruining it. Did you want something?”
“Do you want to dance?”
Is he fucking serious?
Blinking away her thoughts repeatedly, Abby can’t help but turn around to face her so-called boyfriend and raise her eyebrow at his question. “You want to dance? Now? After you’ve practically ignored me the entire time, only because m’dancing with someone else?” She didn’t care if her words came out mean and cruel. She only can handle so much. 
“I wasn’t ignoring you, Abs—”
“Sure as fucking hell looked like you were” The blonde growled, the sound of her teeth grinding together had you looking up at her with wide eyes, and before you could comprehend what you were doing, you wrapped your hand around her arm and tugged her. 
“Abby s’okay, let’s just go get some air, okay?” You pushed gently, silently hoping and praying in your head she would take the hint you were throwing and go. “We don’t need to cause a scene at their rehearsal dinner, please”
“What? Are you her guard dog now or something?” Owen can’t stop before the question slips off the tip of his tongue, with a laugh. Not even when Abby’s looking at him like she wants to kill him with her bare hands for simply thinking of such things. “Come on, Abby, i know you like to please people but—”
“But nothing.” Abby was quick to cut him off. “You know nothing”
“Why are you suddenly being such a bitch?”
Abby, who would do anything to snap at someone if she really wanted to, stepped back from Owen and raised an eyebrow at him. “And you wonder why i don’t want to suddenly fucking dance with you. Grow the fuck up, Owen. First, you call me a dog, then you call me a bitch. If anyone’s being a bitch, it’s you because you’re mad we were dancing. Doing nothing wrong” She replied calmly, but the way her hands were twitching at her sides, told you a different story. “i need some fucking air, this room feels like it’s going to suffocate me if i’m near you any longer”
Abby’s walking away before you have time to ask if she’s even okay.
Angrily eyeing up Owen, who’s now looking down at his feet awkwardly before looking over at Mel, somewhat pleading for her to say something, you can’t help but let out a gentle scoff. “Can’t even go and check on your girlfriend to see if she’s alright? What kind of ‘boyfriend’ are you supposed to be? Do we have to pay extra for giving a shit about her?” You laughed. 
“Oh fuck off, this is your fault!” 
You exhaled a deep sigh, his words stinging you in a way that hurt, but you didn’t want to show that it affected you, so you just smiled sarcastically at him. “Go wag your tail to Mel, m’sure she would rather see you than anyone else would, dick breath”
You hadn’t seen the way both of them looked at you like a deer in headlights. 
Abby was hard to find sometimes, most of the time she would disappear so fast that it was like she just went completely invisible. Other times, she would have simply gone home and never left her apartment again, but this was different. She wasn’t at home, and she didn’t know this place like the back of her hand. So surely finding her would be slightly easier.
Luck, or whatever they call it these days, must have been on your side as you found the blonde slumped on one of the benches, jacket crumpled beside her with her head thrown back and sighing deeply. Of all places she could have hidden, she chose to hide in the most obvious place. The fucking garden? “Usually when you’re mad, you’ve already drunk 3 bottles of beer and are having some kind of psychotic break” Your voice rang out, snapping her back into reality. “Are you having a psychotic break?”
“Does it look like m’having a fucking psychotic break?” She laughed. Deep and raspy. A sound that always has your thighs clenching together no matter the place or time.
“You’re pretty good at masking your emotions, so you could be” You shrugged, a small bite in your words as you placed yourself beside her. “But you already knew that, didn’t you?”
“Did you come out here just to piss me off? Because if you did, it’s working”
Your eyes found hers, and you couldn’t even stop the way your breath hitched in your throat at the lazy grin plastered on her face. “No, i came to check on you to see if you were okay, but him calling you a dog didn’t bruise your ego that much so i’ll leave if you want?”
Her hand reached out as you moved, her cold and rough ones grabbing onto your arm gently that you gasped at the action and pouted. “No. Stay, don’t leave, m’sorry” She apologized, suddenly feeling too vulnerable and scared. Too open. “M’sorry, i know you don’t have to stay, especially with how i’ve treated you. I don’t want to be here, s’all too much for me to handle. Being close to you, and not being able to do anything is driving me insane. I miss you” Abby admitted, thumb brushing across the skin of your knuckles. “I—I need you”
You don’t see the flicker of vulnerability or hurt in Abby’s eyes, you just look at her, trying to figure out her words. She didn’t expect you to chuckle. “You need me?” You repeated, shaking your head and scoffing. “If you need me, like you say, why do you push me away? Why do you never pick me? Why do you always end up picking a guy who doesn’t give a shit about you? A guy who would rather see you hurt, than happy? What does Owen have that i don’t, Abby?”
“Because m’scared ill fuck this up. Believe it or not, but you’re the only good thing i have, i can’t fuck that up. I can’t fuck you up. Do you think i don’t think about you when i’m with him? Because you’re all i think about, and it drives me nuts because i can’t do anything about it. I want you, i always want you, but i’m terrified you’ll realise i’m just not it. That i’m not enough for you. You’re the only thing i think about, but i don’t want to ruin you or what we have.” 
You create some distance, venturing off down the makeshift isle displayed in the front of the garden. Florals formed in an arch, bigger than you’d ever seen, didn’t really seem like Joel and Tess’ style, but it sure was beautiful. The pops of coral and different tones of pink rooted in a deep green. You find a moment of peace in the silence, not knowing what will be left between the two of you once the secret you’d been holding spills. 
“Abigail…” You take a deep breath trying to muster the courage, hoping it’s buried somewhere beneath you, only needing to be dug out. 
Abby finds her heart dropping when she sees you standing under the arch. She thinks it’s cruel, just a glimpse of a future she wants so desperately but she doesn’t even know where to begin. How can she earn you now? After everything she’s done…is there any redemption to be found? 
“You are ruining us. Each time you tell me you’re leaving but stay with him snuffs out everything we have.” Abby stands wanting to console you, but the look in your eyes keeps her at bay. The tears building in your beautiful eyes, and it’s not that you’re distraught, you’re clearly angry. Frustrated doesn’t even begin to cover the overflow of emotions swarming through you. 
You’re exhausted with co-existing with him, pretending everything is fine and normal. That he’s the one who makes her happy, he’s the one who knows what she wants, what she needs — that he’s the one. 
“Tell me why.” Your tone is firm, hands crossed over as shiver in the crisp air of the spring wind. “Tell me why it’s him and not me.” 
“What?” Abby bites back, her pearly whites grinding into each other as she nearly snarls. “You can’t be serious.” 
Anger starts to swirl beneath the deep pools, the one she hides so well, not even the best could decipher what she hides, all of the sweet nothings she wishes she could speak of but doesn’t. Every time she wants to lash out at Owen for not treating her right but doesn’t. The love she holds yet hides under lock and key. All of it is kept within her, only for her to know and see, but the anger slips. 
It’s evident the moment you tell her — It’s Owen not me. 
“Have you lost your goddamn mind?” Abby stalks you like you’re her prey, getting closer and closer to you. Your hands are unable to keep still when she’s so close to you, making her overwhelming presence known. You won’t look at her and it pisses her the fuck off to no degree. Why can’t you just see how much she needs you? “After everything. Everything we’ve shared, you’re just gonna stand there, ask me some bullshit like that?” 
You’ve never been the one to have Abby’s anger directed towards you, you’ve witnessed it on others, but never yourself. Was it normal to feel so small against someone you’ve known for years? Against someone who only has to look at you, hold you in their arms, and tell you that everything is okay?
“Then why can’t you just—”
“It’s always been you!” Abby shouts, her voice so loud that the birds, who were calmly in their nests, flutter and fly away. “So what else do you want me to fucking do?!”
That was your final nail in the coffin.
“I want you to choose me. I want you to want me the way I want you. I don’t want to be someone you only want when he’s not around. To be first. M’not fucking asking you for much, Abigail. Just to be the first in your life. That’s all.”
“You know it’s not that easy”
“It’s never fucking easy with you” You scowled, eyes fluttering and watching her abruptly turning away from you. Even if you’ve known her for years, she was cautious of who saw her like this. Or cautious whenever it came to her emotions. She didn’t want to be seen as weak. Tonight though, tonight you didn’t care what you said or did, you just wanted her to listen. Which is why you struggled to keep your mouth shut as she walked away. “Do you really think Owen gives a single fuck about you when he’s too busy shoving his tongue down Mel's throat like she’s some kind of hydration?” 
If you didn’t know Abby as well as you did, you would have cowered at the way her body halted in her steps, turned around slowly, and even from the distance between you both, you could see how tight she was clenching her jaw. “Excuse me?”
“Abby that’s not—”
“No.” She laughed, more so dryly as she shook her head. “Open that fucking mouth and repeat what you said. C’mon, remember when i tell you to use your words? Yeah, fucking use them then. Say it again” She’s in front of you again before you can blink, unsure of how she even moved that fast. “Don’t hold back now, you want my attention? You got it. Come on”
“Abby, please i didn’t mean to say that” You frowned, fumbling with the ring on your finger nervously. “M’sorry”
“You’re sorry? You’re asking me to pick between you both even though you kept this entire thing to yourself? You knew this entire time and you what? Thought if i admitted how much i want you, i wouldn’t be as hurt when you told me? Use that pretty head of yours, you’re not fucking stupid, of course, it would fucking hurt me”
“M’sorry—”
“But you’re not.” Abby laughed. “You’ve been fine keeping it from me. If you were sorry, you would have told me, no?”
“It’s not like we are perfect either. Look at what we’re doing. We’re just as bad!”
“But that never stopped you coming over late at night and begging me to fuck you, did it? Never once complained when i had you on my bed, fucked out your brain, did you? If it was so bad, you would have stayed away. If this entire thing was bad, you would have told me to fuck off, wouldn’t you? You wouldn’t have kept pulling me along if it was so bad. So no, you’re not sorry, you’re just sorry that you got caught and your big mouth let me know what’s happening.”
“Abby—”
“Don’t you dare start crying right now” She’s warning, looking at you angrily. If looks could kill, she would have already killed you by now. “I was going to break up with him, you know? After Joel and Tess had their wedding. I was going to do everything to make it special for us, and then— then you had to go and fucking do this” She scoffed, stepping away from you. “It’s always been you, you fucking know that, and i would have fucking broken up with him if you gave me a little more time”
You can feel your heart slowly breaking as you just watch Abby move away from you. “Abby, please, we can talk about this!” You pleaded, taking a couple of steps, trying to reach her. “We can talk about it, we can, please”
But she doesn’t stop. Not even when the sounds of your cries fill her ears. Something she would always do. Always stopping if you’re upset or hurt. She just leaves, not even looking back, with the faintest. “I can’t even look at you right now.”
After spending several hours crying in the garden, staring at the stupid floral arch, one that you couldn’t help but picture Abby and you underneath. All the countless nights spent together, seeing a future in her eyes, now it seems hopeless. In the heat of your despair, you revealed the tight lipped secret you’d been holding, ruining everything. In her eyes you can still see it, the betrayal and hurt, but not from who she expected it from. 
You have a craving building, wondering what she’s thinking, and if she really meant what she said. Even if she says it’s always been you, saying it is one thing, actually standing behind those words is another entirely. Pathetically, you stayed there, crossing your fingers behind your back as you awaited her return but she never came. You truly, royally, fucked things up. 
It didn’t stop from the anger rolling off you as well as the anguish. You never wanted her to know that you knew about his extra curricular activities. The selfish part of you; the one that seems to win mostly, you wanted her to pick you because she loves you, not to be a second choice or just a side piece of ass. 
Barefoot and heartbroken, you wander back to the lobby of the hotel, just to find Mel and Owen together so impossibly close with each other at the bar you wonder why Owen and Abby even bother staying together. It’s so clear, to anyone else with eyes, they are just wrong. Neither of them fit the way you’re supposed to when you love someone, when you actually care about the other person, yet she wants to savor his feelings for what reason? You weren’t sure you would ever understand why Abby did the things she did. 
The only person Abby trusted is herself. Hiding behind the mask she fronts, never fully letting anyone into the feelings brewing inside her but leaving her ultimately — empty. 
Begrudgingly, you decide to take a shot of tequila, basking in your lost hope before making your way to your hotel room. 
You aren’t walking that long before you can feel the pain in the heels of your feet, the shoes you picked for tonight slowly becoming a bad idea, as you spot your room. Reaching into your bag, the strap slowly falling off your shoulder, you grumbled softly under your breath when you didn’t feel the small thin key card that you knew you had earlier and instantly slumped your forehead against the wooden door. “Are you fucking kidding me?” You mutter to yourself. 
Deep in your own head, you don’t notice Abby sluggishly yet tiredly making her way down the corridor, unaware you were mumbling and cursing to yourself as you simply grabbed and shook the door handle with so much anger that you’re surprised it didn’t break.
“Oh, fuck you, you stupid fucking door!” Your foot collided with the door, annoyance spiraling from within you, the yelling and action had you gaining the attention from none other than Abby herself. Did you want it? Yes, but did you want it when she was angry? You weren’t sure. 
“You’re not supposed to kick the door, you know?” She couldn’t help but mutter, watching you struggle with an amused smile on her lips. 
“Be grateful m’not kicking you.” 
She laughs, or you think she laughs, and hummed at your obvious struggle. Your threat not affecting her as much as you wanted it to. “Did you lose it?”
“Did i lose it?” You repeated, hand gripping the handle tighter with a clenched jaw. “Do you really think i’m the kind of person to lose a fucking key card?”
“You tell me, you can’t get into your room, it seems like you did lose it” Abby points out the most obvious thing before sighing softly under her breath. “Or you wouldn’t be stuck out here.”
Turning your head quickly at her words, you growled at her and glared in her direction. “Would it make you happy if i admit that yes, i fucking lost my key card?”
“It might.” Abby chuckled, tongue clicking against the side of her cheek in amusement again. You notice that glint in her eyes again, the same one you’ve seen countless times in those baby blues, but she doesn’t say much, not that she has to. “You can uh, stay in my room, if you want?”
Are you hearing her correctly?
“You want me to stay in your room? Didn’t you say you couldn’t stand looking at me anymore?” 
“That’s not—” She’s pausing, running her hand over her face in frustration. “I don’t— this is just hard for me, okay? Can you try to reason with me?”
“M’trying, but every time i try to, you throw it back in my face. You throw it in my face like this entire situation is my fault.” You found her stepping closer, not that you noticed seconds prior, but as you get your words out, you notice she’s listening. “I just want you to understand.”
“Understand what?”
“That I just want to be yours, and it hurts that you don’t understand, or you do and would rather me not think of you like that, which just hurts even more.” You sighed, finally looking at her. “I want to love you the way you deserve, but you won’t let me” 
“S’not that i don’t want you to, i don’t deserve you.” Abby chokes out, every emotion and feeling, that she’s tried to keep buried deep, finally creeping up on her. “I’ve never deserved you, you deserve better than me. You always have”
“Don’t you think that’s my decision to make?” 
“I don’t want you to make the wrong one. I’m the wrong decision for you.”
Her words, ones that cut deep, have you frowning and shaking your head, like you don’t want to believe her. She’s always been hard on herself, especially when it comes to love, thinks that she doesn’t deserve it. Everyone does, and you know that she’s trying. “You are the only right decision i’ve ever made.” Your body was closer to hers, she could smell the soft perfume, almost the smell of the scented lipgloss you chose for tonight. “You are worth it, and it kills me that you don’t see it. You don’t see that under all the anger, all the feelings, everything you build up to protect yourself, you just want to feel safe. You will always be safe with me. You are perfect, i just want you to let me show you just how perfect you are. Especially to me.”
Your words struck something in her brain, thoughts going a little too fast her to keep up with, but that doesn’t stop her from wrapping her hand around your wrist, and tugging you closer to her, face quickly burying in the crook of your neck, something she does each time she’s alone with you, and the feeling of her nose brushing against the collum of your throat seconds later has you softly sighing and threading your fingers through the loose strands of hair. “Let me show you.” You whispered, gripping her jacket tightly. “Please let me show you.”
Abby lets you push her towards her bedroom door, still holding each other just as tight while her hand slipped into the soft fabric of her pocket. “Would you just let me—” Abby curses under her breath as she attempts to fish out her hotel card. You have her pushed against the door with your weight, keeping her pinned by your pelvis. 
“I should let you do whatever you want? Like you’ve been so nice to me, right?” Pulling her by the navy blue tie, swollen lips ghosting over hers, she whimpers like a bitch in heat. You give her everything, anything and everything she wants, you so graciously provided but she’s been thoughtless. Careless with how you’ve felt. It’d be so easy for her to push you off, pick you up and toss her on her shoulder before throwing you on the bed and having her way with you. 
But she likes this. 
Knowing she’s in the wrong, underneath your mercy, begging for an inch of your good graces. Abby’s practically salivating, begging to have you in her mouth, wanting to have the everlasting taste of you. Hell, she knows she shouldn’t but she thinks of you every time Owen kisses her. She wonders if he can taste your cum on her lips. After the first time, she wondered if he could clock the crimson of her cheeks, the flush she still was feeling from squirting for the first time. The thighs she could barely keep still, a proper effort made in order to keep herself up. 
You’re the first and only to even want to have the power over, she enjoys it — sure as hell gets off to it. 
“Answer me.” Your grip on her chin is iron, her blue eyes pouting as her posture slouched. 
“I haven’t been nice. I know that. I’ve been making you wait too long.” Abby shudders as your dress slips higher, as she gets lost in the exposed cleavage.
“Abby, babygirl, my eyes are up here.” Her eyes pick up to find you cold gaze, but there’s warmth. Dripping like golden honey and she wishes for it to fall on every inch of her body just so you can reclaim it as your own. She wants to feel your lips, your tongue, whatever the fuck you’ll give her, Abby craves it.  
“I know, m’sorry, it’s just—” Your hands smooth over her toned torso, the crisp button up feel smooth under your touch, but it’s thin enough for Abby to feel your magnetic touch, but you stop at her breasts. 
“He doesn’t touch you anymore, does he?” Abby shakes her head furiously. In this moment, she’s thankful she opted out of a bra tonight. Teasingly, run over the fabric, back and forth as she feels the bud pebble against your touch. Tortuously, Abby’s breath only begins to grow heavier and you’ve barely even done a thing to get her where she needs to be. 
“Fuck—” You begging to pull at the braid, undoing her long blonde locks, making them accessible for you to pull on whenever she decides to she doesn’t want to be teased any longer. “No, he doesn’t. Never like this, hasn’t touched me, made me feel like this, ever. Just you.” 
“That’s right, babygirl. You always need to come back to me. Can’t get your fill elsewhere, or be filled. He can’t do much with the poor little pathetic excuse of a cock.” You let go of her chin before whispering in her ear, “Need me so deep in this pretty pussy of yours. Even those precious long fingers of yours can’t hit as deep as me.” 
It’s then you reach in her left pocket, opening the hotel room with her key card. “C’mon, you owe me a favor, or two…..maybe even three.” You claim her lips as your own, she belongs to you whether she wants to admit it or not. 
“I think I need a reminder from last time.” 
Abby smirks, a soft smile falling over her pink lips, she leads you into the room. Her own personal siren, one word from your lips and she’ll do anything you want. Abby only has the door locked and by the time she turns around, your dress pools at your feet. 
“Shit—” Abby curses, you’re playing fucking dirty. You know she can’t be up here too long, Owen’s expectant of her to return, or so she thinks. 
“You’re killing me, angel.” 
Mouth practically salivating, at the sight of your nearly bare silhouette, the moonlight coming through the balcony accentuating every curve, your skin glowing as you wait for her to move. Abby’s contemplating, trying to decide what she wants to do first. 
She gets lost in her head, replaying tonight’s events in her head, how she couldn’t keep her cool, not even in front of her boyfriend. The thought of you with someone else too unbearable for her to bear, the incessant need she has instilled within her to be close to you. 
“That’s the point but stop suffering, babygirl.” Using her favorite thing to your advantage, you bend over the edge of the bed. Emphasizing the curve of your spin. The seconds the words fell from between your lips, you didn’t think she heard them at first, not with them being so gentle and soft. It wasn’t until you shivered, and sucked in a deep breath when her fingers ran up and down your back, nails lightly scratching your skin that you smiled into your arms. “Abs— oh” You gasped, body tensing at the feeling of her pushing her leg between your legs, pressing the rough material of her pants against your cunt, the fabric of the bedsheet rubbing against you too, adding to the mix.
“Shh,” She leaned down and whispered against your ear. “Bet you’re so fucking wet, hm?” She hummed, softness gone right out the window, still trailing her fingers up and down your back. A devious smirk appeared on her lips at the way you shamelessly tried to grind against her leg. “Can’t even wait, can you?” Her leg pushed harder on your cunt, eliciting a louder moan from between your lips. “That’s too bad, you can’t have whatever you want right now” She cooed mockingly, eyeing up the way your hands gripped the sheet below you, so tight she was worried you were going to hurt yourself. “Gonna let me eat your sweet pussy? Let me show you how much i want you?”
Just like that, you’re putty in her skilled hands. 
“Y—Yes, please, need you” You choked out, quickly nodding your head at whatever she was saying to you. You weren’t entirely sure, all you know is that you need her. Her hands, ones that you always love to have all over you, slip down and grip your hips. The action had you whimpering into the pillow, turning your head slightly to get a better look at her. The sight of her behind you, on her knees, licking her lips had yours parting. “Abby, please, want it, want you” You sighed.
“Be patient, brat” Abby scoffed, squeezing your ass in both her hands. “Don’t make me shove your panties in your mouth to get you to shut the fuck up.” There was no true intention of doing so, behind her words, she loved hearing what she did to you. Maybe a little too much. “You’ve been so bad tonight, do you deserve me to eat your pussy, hm?”
“M’sorry, i am” You sniffled, spreading your legs a little wider, tempting her in a way. Knowing she can’t get enough of you. “Please, i’ll be so good, your good girl”
“Yeah?” She hummed, mouth watering at the sight of your cunt. Folds glistened before her as she sunk her teeth into one of your asscheeks, humming at the soft gasp she pulled from you. “You’re gonna be my good girl, s’that right?” She mocked, fingers slipping between your legs, and brushing against your clit. The choked whimper you let out had her grinning against your skin, lightly rubbing circles on your bud and holding you down on the bed with her free hand. “You’re not lying?”
“No” Your words came out muffled from burying your face in the sheets, but your head shake was enough for her to understand. “M’not lying, i’ll be so good for you, i promise” You added. Fingers gripping the white sheet tighter when she’s rubbing harder circles. “Just need you to, to fuck me, please”
You’re flinching, body shaking in her hold when out of nowhere she’s spitting a glob of spit on your cunt, growling at the sight of your pussy clenching around nothing at such a small action that she knows you love. “I’ll decide when i fuck you” Was all she said, using the pad of her thumb and pressing against your second hole, smiling at your soft oh. 
Her lips part, as do yours with a moan that has her stomach fluttering and cunt clenching around nothing when she lightly dips her thumb into your hole, your cunt begging for attention as a hum ripped through her throat. “Fuck, knew you would love it too much” She groaned, watching the tight muscle hug her thumb effortlessly. “Yeah, i know” Abby mocked.
“Fuck, Abby, please”
“What are you even begging for?” She scoffed, a small bite in her question, fingers finding your neglected clit and laughing at your loud whine into the pillow when she continued her slow circles. “Just a needy slut, aren’t you?”
“Your needy slut” You whispered, looking down at her and shuddering at the feeling of her slowly rubbing at your clit, and sinking her thumb more into your ass. The sensation had moans and whimpers tearing from your throat. You pushed back against her, absentmindedly that is, and gasped loudly when her hand landed a light slap on your pussy. 
“Stop moving.” She warned with a growl. “You’re gonna take what i give you, and if i think you deserve more, you’ll get it” Abby scoffed, smirking at the sight of you burying your face more into the pillows, the messy sheet as you nodded quickly, without shame, and licked your swollen lips. “This is what you needed, hm? Getting your holes stuffed so you would shut the fuck up” 
Her words, mean ones at that, that you were used to hearing, has your face heating up, not a single ounce of shame in your body, just pride and need. Whenever Abby would get mean, yes, you were mortified the first time it happened during sex and how wet you had become, but now? she uses it to her advantage. As much as she would like. She had your body under control, and she didn’t even have to do anything to reduce you to such a whimpering, pathetic mess under her. 
The swipe of her thumb, a gentle touch, against your clit had you letting out a squeal, jolting on the bed and your eyes slowly started rolling in the back of your head. It was sinful, so sinful at how she was able to do this. Touch you with the lightest touches and have you pleading for more. Abby’s lips parted, almost salivating at the sight of you clenching around her thumb, a silent plea as to say more. Which is why she doesn’t expect the whimper that claws at your skin and rips out of your throat when she’s pulling away completely. The feeling of being almost full, not as much as you wanted, to be taken from you. 
“Abs? What—”
“You get both holes filled when you’re good,” Abby tutted, fake cooing at your pleads, one she’s so used to hearing coming from you. “Gonna start crying because m’not giving you what you want? Yeah? Gonna start saying you’ve been good enough? We both know that’s a lie, baby”
Are you crying? You weren’t sure, nor did you care, but with how Abby was dancing her fingers dangerously close to where you need her, you might burst into flames if she didn’t hurry up. “You like it when i cry for you” Comes one of your usual quipped replies. The undertone of brattiness doesn’t go unnoticed by Abby.
But what you miss is the way she clenches her jaw, her eyes harden, and how she’s quick to land a strike on your ass. Your body only gets so far up the bed with a whine before she’s leaning hers over you, hands pinning your hips to the bed and she grazes the shell of your ear with her lips. The harshness of her breath hitting your face had you trying to push back against her. Trying to get something. “Such a dirty fuckin slut” Abby scoffed, sinking her nails into your skin and sure to be bruised in the morning. “You like making it harder for yourself? You want me to punish you?”
“You know all your punishments just make me wetter for you,” Your voice wavers, breathing slightly more ragged as her body presses down harder on you. “Makes me want you to fuck me harder. Want you to fuck me like you’ve missed me.”
“Oh,” Her laugh is one of mocking. You were so used to it that it didn’t make you snappy at her anymore, but it still sent a shiver down your spine when it was directed at you, and you alone. “I do miss you, but m’not gonna just let you get away with being a fucking brat to me tonight because i miss you.”
“But why? Don’t you wanna fuck me, Abby?” You feigned innocence, turning your head enough for her to see the small pout on your lips that you were sporting. “Because i want you to fuck me, fill me up like i know you can. Make me cum in ways only you know how. You fuck me so good, Abby, please, please. I know you wanna fuck into this mattress, Baby”
Abby whimpers. 
Sounds that are only reserved for your ears, and yours alone.
You’ll make sure of it. 
She whimpers pathetically above you at your words, the blood rushes to her head and she can feel the wetness pooling between her legs the longer you try pushing yourself up against her, grinding against her shamelessly. “Wanna fuck every single thought outta your pretty head so bad” She growls into your neck, everything inside her crumbling as you both just sluttily grind against each other. 
“Then stop talking about it and fucking do it.” You spit. A noise so animalistic, you’re not sure you have ever heard it fall from her lips. With an entirely new level of greed, she claims your lips as her own, velvet tongue dominating yours as you can feel yourself practically melting. “God, can’t wait for you to shut the fuck up.” Abby mumbles against your lips. Her fingers undo the knot in her tie, releasing it from her collar as she holds both of your wrists with one, feeling the cool metal frame piercing your skin. 
“Is this what you want?” Abby begins to bind your wrists to the bed, her thumb smoothing over skin gently as she tightens the silk fabric against you. “You should be grateful I’m not blind folding you. We both know you deserve it after tonight.” You laugh, manically. Watching the pleasure in her blues rise, she likes you under her will as she takes what she wants. 
“Should I be grateful? You’re not fucking me yet…are you?” You tilt your head to the side as Abby removes herself completely, the friction of her trousers evades your cunt, leaving you nothing to grind against. With a smirk as wide as you’ve ever seen, she slowly removes her belt, slipping off her shoes as she throws the black belt on the floor. 
“You just don’t know when to shut your mouth, do you? I have something that will.” Her voice lowers an octave as she spills the threat from her pink lips, slowly removing each article of clothing. Her button up shirt is first, leaving her topless in front of you, chiseled abdomen defined as she flexes her abs further. “Would you hurry up, Anderson?” 
The more your hips buck into thin air, the wider her smirk gets. “Yeah, I’ll get right on that, boss.” Abby salutes you, having to disguise the laughing bubbling from her lips. The look you give her is deadly, trying to pull at the tie but to no avail you're stuck, under the mercy of whatever Abigail Anderson wants. The terror in your eyes furthers the slickness in Abby’s boxers but she needs to focus. You are right where she wants you, with no intention of letting you have any satisfaction at the moment. 
Maybe later if Anderson is feeling kind. 
She slowly slides her trousers off, leaving her in just her boxers, your eyes focused on her glorious, blonde happy trail falling in the fabric. Concealed and out of your grip. “You must be really frustrated if you’re saying Anderson, huh? Mhm, that’s too bad. You could have been sitting on my face by now, angel.” She tsks, her tongue hitting the roof of her mouth as she does so. 
“M’fine. Not frustrated at all, Anderson.” 
“No?” Abby simply nods, putting the weight of her knee on the bed, her face tucked in the crook of your neck as she whispers in your ear, “Why don’t we put that to the test?” She bites on your ear, kissing your jaw sweetly. The only inkling of your sweet abby, the abby you love, but she leaves just as quickly as she came. 
Without warning, she slaps your cunt, hard. 
The sensation has you wanting to reach for her, pulling at the tie again, but you’re rendered useless. Your body quivers, her finger runs up your pussy, thumbing your clit so lightly it should be considered an unforgivable sin. Once you think she’ll move on, torture you in some other way, Abby decides to have fun and slap your clit this time, gasping the name you only call her in the bedroom. A name just reserved for the two of you. 
“Already, babygirl? That’s not very…boss of you.” Abby licks the side of your neck, letting her teeth sink in delicately, you groan in response to her teasing words. “Would you stop calling me that, oh my fucking g—” 
You feel two of her thick fingers protrude your dripping hole, sliding in with ease, “Stop calling you what? God? Never gonna let you forget I’m the only one who fucks like one.” She’s slow about it, wanting you to get just enough where it feels good, but not nearly enough to where you crave to be. Pitiful whines are all the evidence she needs, a token of your temporary agony is enough to satisfy her until you break. 
“You’re such an asshole sometimes, you know that?” 
“Just an asshole who knows how to fuck your ass.” Abby can’t stop teasing you, not when you’re bucking up your hips into her fingers, moaning like a bitch in heat for more. The both of you know there’s no getting out of this unless you tell her what she wants. 
“Abby, please.” You beg, the confession comes too soon, but Abby grins wide as she pulls her face out of her neck. “Thought my name was Anderson, boss?” Unpleasantly, you roll your eyes but she still looks very pleased with herself. 
“Say my fucking name. You know what I want.” With her fingers nearly knuckle deep, she pushes further, kissing your g-spot. “So pretty baby, sounds so pretty. Stop being a stupid, stubborn slut, yeah? You’re already so wet for me. Don’t you hear yourself?” She fucks you harder as you grind against her fingers, meticulously adding in a third finger. 
“Listen to your soaking cunt. You can be a brat, tell me how much you don’t need, but she’s always gonna sell you out, huh? Do you hear the sweet sound of your pussy, babygirl?” You nod helplessly, nearly fully succumbing into the ruthless thrust of her skilled fingers. “Then tell me, what’s my name?” 
Finally, you decide to cave in. 
“Daddy, please—” With those words, Abby releases her fingers from your pussy, causing you to whimper in distress. “Abby! What the fuck!” 
“What? You think I would let you have it after you’ve been a brat. I know you’re easily drunk on me, very easily, but I’m not feeling so generous right now.” Abby slips off the bed once again, her boxers coming off her body, allowing you to see her fully as she slips off her socks. “Time to show you who is the boss, baby.” 
For the third time, you pull at the tie. Once again. you’re stuck. 
“What are you talking about?” The confusion laced all over your face, watching as you climbed on the bed, finally naked and exposed, just the sight you’ve been wishing to see all night. 
“Show me why I let you fuck me and not Owen.” Abby perches her ass on your face, claiming the seat she’s always owned since the moment the two of you met. Abby really doesn’t give you much time to even take a moment to check out the ass you love so much before she’s suffocating you with her pussy. Fuck her for bringing Owen, even if he ever wanted to eat her out, he didn’t have the skill for it. 
She knows that, you know it too, but it leaves you eager to prove just how much she likes it when she’s riding your face. Not his, yours. She’s careful enough not to completely crush you, her hand smoothing over your stomach, blunt nails clawing at your skin as you act starved of her. You had been wanting her all night, but this would be enough, even if you remained untouched, knowing you made her cum would be enough until Abby wants to play nice. 
The blonde stays quiet for a bit, even when she’s enjoying it, your tongue rolling on her cunt, she begins to find a rhythm, moving her hips in a pace she likes, taking as she pleases. But you know just how to surprise, even if she’s neutralized your hands, you know what your girl likes. 
Tilting your head back just a little, giving you enough distance to spit on her cunt, her pink folds glistening more, her body shudders as a moan escapes. A curse of your name spoken before Abby can stop herself. 
“Shut up—” Abby starts to murmur off but you spit again, causing her entire body to shudder against your body, but you don’t hold back. Being extra obnoxious for her as you make your ministrations loud, moaning into her soaked cunt, letting your tongue circle around her clit as you suck the bundle of nerves in your mouth. 
“God, feels s’good, can’t stop fucking your pretty face.” Abby almost fully seats herself, your attacks on her clit have her seeing stars. The soft build in her stomach is more than she can handle, she’ll cum soon if she’s not careful. 
So, she decides to level the playing field. 
She bends over completely, burying her face in your soaking cunt. She decides to be torturous, blowing on your lower lips, enjoying the way you shudder. Hips continue to buck into her face immediately, desperate to be eaten. She giggles. Even if you are making her feel like she might explode at any given moment, Abby knows you are so much worse. She knows your swollen clit must be pulsating, aching for an ounce of attention, a swipe of her tongue, a light brush of her fingers — something. 
“Mhm, such a pretty pussy, baby.” Abby kissing your inner thighs, getting so close to where you need her to be, but not quite to where you want her. “How bad do you want me to fuck your cunt?” She grins as you whimper, but you know better than to stop eating her out. 
“Good girl.” Abby praises you as she runs a finger up your slit, feeling just how wet you are, thighs softly twitching as she sinks a finger into your hole, finding satisfaction in how tightly you’re clenching around her. Thumb swiping at your clit, “See what happens when you’re good.” 
Abby wastes no time, not a single moment, her mouth pouncing on you with no further warning. A shriek rips out from the back of your throat, the vibration against her pussy sends a shiver down her spine. She’s slow with the movement of her tongue, sliding it between your folds, flicking it against your clit until she’s wrapping her lips around the bud, and sucking hard. 
The whines and whimpers she’s always so greedy to hear tumbling from between your lips is muffled by her cunt, almost banished from making it’s way into the room as she curls her fingers just enough to have your lips sucking on Abby’s clit harder. A certain kitten lick of your tongue on her clit has her head falling forward against the pillow with a guttural moan. The sound has you clenching tightly around the long thick fingers she’s slowly working deeper in your pussy.
“Knew your mouth was fucking slutty,” Abby shivered, hips jerking up and trying to grind harder against your mouth. A mouth that she would die without. “S’good, keep it up, you can do that, can’t you?” She mocked, knowing you have no room to say anything. Not when you were eating her out like she would be your last meal. 
“It’s a shame isn’t it? That you can’t even use your fingers this time. Know how much you like to make me cum on them, maybe next time, hm?” Abby taunted, using the tip of her tongue, sliding it up and down your inner thighs, collecting your slick in her wake. The taste of you on the muscle had her eyes rolling in the back of her head, pressing her thumb against your clit and rubbing the slowest yet dangerous circles. Enjoying the way you tremble above her. “Awh, so close already? Barely fucking touched you.” 
Her words have you whining into her cunt, humming around her clit and the blood rushes to her head at the obscene, loud sounds of you lapping at her pussy messily. Her slick runs down your chin, a sight she’s seen hundreds of times before when you’re between her legs, and drops down onto her legs and bedsheet. “Don’t have to see you to know you’re messy” She growled from below you, curling her fingers against that spot deep inside you perfectly, grinning lazily when your legs clench around her head. “Yeah, I know you love it, angel.” You can already picture her fucking smirk without having to look at her. Abby was cocky, and she sure as hell knew how to make you a trembling mess at all her touches. No matter if you were tied up or not.
Sucking softly at her clit, you hummed deliciously when her thighs twitched, hips still grinding up against your mouth, fucking herself shamelessly on your tongue. “That’s a good girl, wanna make me cum so bad, don’t you?” Another mock fell from between her lips. “I feel bad i tied you up, would love your fingers deep in my pussy right now” She sighed, fucking her fingers in and out of your pussy at a pace that isn’t enough to make you cum, like you wanted, but enough to have you whining and on the edge of something she was willing to give you if you behaved. 
It’s when her fingers deliciously slide in your cunt, rubbing at the certain spot that has your body going limp within seconds, that she’s spent hours brutally hitting with her cock, that you’re crying out around her clit, the sound still slightly muffled but you somewhat find movement and ground down against her fingers. “So fucking needy.” The blonde murmured, wrapping one of her arms around your hips and keeping you still above her as the pace of her fingers picked up again. “You want my fingers that bad? Fine, I'll give you them.”
You barely have time to understand what she means, because she crooks her fingers in a way that has you pulling away from her cunt, the growl she lets out makes your legs crush your head entirely, yours resting on her ass, unable to focus on anything but her fingers stuffing you full. 
“Do you feel it, baby?” Abby doubles down on her efforts, thumb swiping at your clit, fingers so deep as she fucks against your grinding hips. “Just like that. Is my pretty girl close? Gonna show me what a good girl you are and cum for daddy?” 
“Please, shit shit shit, Abby—” The curses continue to tumble from your lips, one after the other they fall, a lovely melody falling on Abby’s ear as it supplies her with the last effort she needs. The desperate cry from her lover’s mouth, the brat disappearing for the time being, all that’s left is the woman she loves so intensely crying for relief. The only thing she wishes is to see you. Bright eyed, struggling to keep them open or your canines sinking into your lips so harshly you pull at your chapped lip, drawing blood as you attempt to hold yourself together. Most of all she wonders if she has you so close to the edge, so incredibly close the tears are beginning to well up in your eyes. 
But she doesn’t get to see any of it, so she’ll have to settle for the weeping sight of your cunt rather than your eyes. Abby’s not sure which one she loves more at the moment. 
“C’mon, want you to paint my face in your cum. Can you do that? I know you haven’t wanted to obey tonight, but can you do this one thing for me?” You feel one of her fingers tease your puckered hole, using the slick coating her finger to tease the sensitive hole while she fucks the other. “Been begging for it, yeah? So, give it to me.” You feel her fingers teasing your cervix as you finally give in. 
Every bone in your body submits to her, as it always does, you become hers as she claims in a way anyone else fails to do. It’s just the two of you, even if you’re unable to see her blissed out dilated blues, drunk on your cunt. The way she soothes you with her fingers, gently fucking you through your high, giving you just the right amount. 
Then it’s there. 
The slight gush squirting out of you and onto her face. Abby smiles wickedly and she immediately laps at your pussy. Obnoxiously and loudly, she makes a theatrical performance of it, making sure you can hear every suck she makes as she creates a makeshift funnel into her mouth, not being able to control herself. Sweetly, she doesn’t allow a single drop go to waste. 
“Feel s’good Abby, I can’t—” Your body softens as you ride the end of your high. Abby can feel your breath on her cunt, sending a shiver up her spine. 
“Shh, I know, I got you.” Abby sweetly remarks, her tongue moving gently and sweetly as she’s unable to stop herself from pushing you through, her fingers fucking you until you’re spent.
Slowly, yet tiredly, once Abby’s had her fun, you press more of your weight on her, head resting comfortably on her toned thighs as you try to catch your breath. With the help of Abby rubbing your back slowly, you smiled into her skin and sighed. 
Exhausted of not being able to touch her, you free yourself from the tie minutes later, ripping it into two, but she pins with the strength of her arms. Quick to hold you down, even when you want to move, Abby does it faster than you can comprehend. She licks the remainder of your cum with her tongue, savoring every last bit, enjoying the shake of your thighs. Abby slaps your cunt, you moan out her name, still sensitive from the earth-shattering orgasm you’d been given. 
Abby is sporting a grin so sinister, you believe it nearly rivals a succubus closing in on it’s prey. Shifting her position, her pelvis against yours, her blond bush prickling your pussy, but she’s too strong for you to move underneath her muscular frame — leaving no room for debate. Sparkling, golden waves falling over her shoulder, freckles littered across her body as if they were her own galaxy being created, a universe unique to her. Every inch of her is more exquisite than the next, you don’t understand anyone who doesn’t appreciate her as the beautiful, loving, angel she is. She should never be treated as anything but. You want to give her the world, everything good in the world she deserves, and you hope it’s not too late for her to see it just as you do. 
Doesn’t hurt she fucks like her life depends on it. 
“You gonna be good for me and fucking take it?” Abby shifts your legs so it lays over her shoulder, lazily spitting on your pussy, enjoying the soft sigh escaping your body. It’s evil, maniacal even, torturing you like this but you can’t help but buck your hips. Trying to chase the high, she’d just given you. 
“So eager. Even after I made you come all over my face. Greedy baby.” Abby slaps your cunt once again, she takes pleasure in the way your body twitches, convulsing for more. The way you’re moving your hips, needing her to give you what she knows you’ve needed. Too stubborn, too selfish, and too fucking horny to stay away from the chiseled greek goddess. 
“Do you wanna feel my clit on yours baby? Is this what you want?” Abby moves her hips forward as she hikes your leg further on her toned shoulder. “You wanna feel how wet I am for you? Mhm, s’what you’ve been needing, just me and my cunt on yours. It’s all a filthy whore needs. Isn’t that right?” 
“Abby, baby, yes. That. Fuck, you’re so perfect.” 
“That’s right, I’m fucking perfect.” Abby gives you one thrust, enjoying the soft bounce of your tits, head half-craned and slumped against the headboard as you’re rendered helpless under her strong weight. The euphoric bliss you’re offered when she decides to be generous and over a steady pace. 
Small, pierced nipples harden as she continues her ministrations, she feels every nerve ending of her body on fire. Even if she enjoys you teasing with her, acting like you’re in control, calling the shots, this is where you belong. A needy whore begging for more of her. This time it’s her cunt you need, her dripping and weeping pussy connecting with your own. You need to feel how wet she is, both of your clits rubbing against each other. The bundle of nerves colliding together over, and over, and over. Abby’s slick mixed with your own, so much you can feel is dripping near your puckered hole, unexplored territory you know you’d let her explore. 
Abby see’s the red markings on your stomach, her being the maker of the scratches, too blissed out to control herself. She traces them with a delicate hand, a silent apology for being too rough with you. Something physical, tangent even, on how you make her feel. If she’s being honest with herself, you’re the only one who makes her feel anything. It’s why she comes back to you, even when the little angel on her shoulder tells her she shouldn't, that it’s wrong. When the guilt threatens to eat her alive, she sees your smile, hears your laugh that would put a symphony to shame. Better yet, she still has the privilege to make you feel good. To try and do everything in her power to make you feel as great as you make her feel. 
But you don’t know any of it. 
This. You. Her. All of it may be fleeting. She might not choose you. This might be a short fling before she ties the knot with this stupid man she claims she’ll leave. You can’t put your money on it, but you’ll bet on her thinking about you for the rest of her life if she wishes to stay with a man. One that will never deserve her. 
Owen will never know Abby the way you do and you’ll do anything you can to make her see it. 
“You are. Everything about you is perfect. Those beautiful blues I wanna get lost in for hours. The lips I never want to leave me. The hands I want on me all the time, the ones I think about whenever I’m alone and I don’t have you there to fuck me.” You spill out, causing Abby to become over eager to please, her hips thrusting harder against yours, chasing the feeling she feels building within her. 
She whimpers, again. 
You’ve lost count on how many have left her tonight. It’s the hope you’re clinging onto. The vulnerability she never lets leak but tonight she does. Never has she been so vocal about what she wants, but after tonight’s fight, the threat of you leaving, Abby’s desperate to keep you. Even if wants to pretend like she’s in control, the look on those worrisome pools of blue tells you something different. 
“Feesl, s’good, shit.” Abby’s blissed out face, head thrown back as she sinks into the feeling. With a clenched jaw, she grinds down into your pussy, her swollen clit pulsating, feeling your cum gravitate towards her cunt. As if this is what it was meant for, you, her — destined to find another. 
Again. Again. Again. 
Her pale skin becomes flush, rises of pink and red expands on her toned chest, her abs clenching causing each ridged lined more defined as she fucks you into another dimension. She coaxes you into her warm, slippery pussy like it’s a lion’s den. The cage is meant to keep you in, designed to never be released from the sharp canines breaking into your skin, the claws she’s managed to dig in, the strength she exhibits each time she stalks you like her prey. 
The false pretenses, the way she fluffs you with small affections, begging to be petted and played with but then tears at the skin she helped heal. Even if it leaves you bloody, clenching your chest to find one final breath, the appetite for her never ceases to exist. When she draws the last drop of blood from your veins, you’ll thank her with a gleeful smile. 
Deeply, you want Abby to feel this lush high, this euphoric feeling rushing to her head, making her impossibly drunk on you as she cries out for more, you want her to feel every bit of it knowing he’ll never give this to her. He’s a fool in the eyes of goddesses alike, a simple servant to keep her in a mediocre rise of security. A placeholder, a pathetic one at that. Too incredibly vain to swallow a meaningless ego to offer what she really needs but you’ll do it gleefully in a blink of an eye. 
He could never give her what she deserves. 
The divine feminine found between your thighs, the sweet nectar she’s spent hours lapping at into all hours of the night, leaving before the sun rises. The walk of shame back to her apartment, glimpses of you never leaving her as she goes about her day. 
This will be just another image burned in her brain, you underneath her body, taking everything she’s giving but it’s so much more intimate than either of you even planned for. The altercation from earlier in the night fizzled out the moment her lips met yours. 
Abby’s palm grips onto the headboard, gaining leverage as she fucks you. “Open your fucking mouth, such a big one, huh? Definitely showed me how much tonight, so, do it again.” Using her strong grip, she squeezes your chin, applying pressure as you obey her willfully. Your lips forming at her wish, she continues to get off, the euphoric sounds of your cunt echoing through the room as you give her everything she wants. 
The her spit drips onto your mouth, pupils dilated as she watches you accept it with a sparkle gleaming in your eyes. Bright and beautiful as you thrust your hips against, enjoying yourself even more with her spit in your mouth. Obnoxiously, you swallow loudly, moaning as you do. 
“Can you spit on my pussy? Please? I know m’already soaked, but I need it.” You request sweetly, knowing she’s less likely to reject you if you’re sweet about it. Instead, she places her hand on your throat, decorating it beautifully with her rough grip. 
Just like that, the woman who loves you, attends to your every need, evaporates into thin air and the one who aims to take control over your very essence is back. The one who likes to push you over the edge until she feels like you’re satisfied enough is back. 
Abby isn’t going to stop until you’ve soaked every inch of her mattress. The one she slept in last night, Owen by her side, but now she believes it needs a level of christening. 
Extending her long fingers, she pulls at your bottom lip with her thumb applying more pressure at your neck. “Do you think you’re really in a position to ask for anything? Be grateful that you even get to feel my pretty pussy, yeah? Shouldn’t even be fucking my pretty girl after the shit you pulled today.” 
“M’sorry, okay? Fuck, please, please— can you forgive me? I just wanted to…” Then before you can even take a moment to breathe, she’s giving you something to choke on. Long, thick, fingers crawling their way down your throat, tickling the back of it, you feel the coolness of her rings lay left on your lips. 
“There.” Abby sighs in content while she grins with greed. “Needed something to shut you up, angel. Don’t cry though, it’ll be my cock next time for your second punishment.” You try to speak but it just comes out as murmurs, incoherent mumbles as Abby fucks your harder than she has all night. She continues to grip the headboard, each thrust more powerful than the last. 
“This what you fucking need. Someone to fuck the brat out of you, so, shut the fuck up and take it.” Abby commands as she moans when she sees your eyes roll back in heightened bliss, “Forgetting how I just made you feel already? I know, brats have a hard time remembering. Daddy needs to make you cum again, huh?” 
“Abs, m’so sensitive. I don’t think I can.” You confess, but Abby continued to fuck you harder, the power of her thrusts unrelenting. With each thrust, her folds sliding against your own as you take what she gives. “No? Should have thought about that before you decided to mouth off to me, again.” 
She shifts your leg over to her other hip, bending you like her own makeshift pretzel, maneuvering you to her will as she fucks you from a better angle. Abby cockily grins as your mouth forms a soft o shape, your breath hiccups as you moan even louder. Your hands grip on her waist as she rides you. All you can do is look upon her in awe, she’s a goddess like this. She always is but not even Owen could see her like you do. He would never be capable of appreciating her just the way she comes. 
Muscles like an adonis, perfectly carved, the veins in her arms protrude as she grabs the headboard. Everything about her seems hard, rough, defined but has the sensual hips of the most entrancing woman alive. The way she rolls them with purpose, a dance she’s choosing to partake in, one that she loves very much. Unable to stop even if she tried. 
Yet it’s her big and bright blues which give her away. For the first time, you see her clearly. Beautiful, bright, and in love. She’s never looked at you the way she is now. Maybe she always did but this time she’s letting you see the love laced underneath. Not ashamed of the softness of her emotions, the one she’s always held like a burden, she carries it strongly. 
You want to let her pull the words from your mouth, but she pulls at the bud between your thighs, claiming it as hers, waiting for you to give in to her. Abby’s just as strong as she is stubborn. Even if she’s already made you cum, she won’t let herself go until she gets it from you one more time. 
“Pretty, pretty, girl. Just one more time, m’kay? Need to see those gorgeous eyes roll back,” Freeing one of her hands, she picks up the ripped tie as she trickles the soft material down your abdomen, “God, i need to see it. My beautiful angel, always so gorgeous and mine.” 
The silk feels good against your skin but you need her. You pull on her hair, bringing her close to you as Abby buries her head in the crook of your neck. For the first time tonight, she allows herself to whimper in your ear. Submitting herself to you in a way she’s never done with anyone. Abby loses it when you stroke her hair gently. 
As much as she’s hellbent on making you come first, you have another objective on your mind. 
“And you’re mine. Only mine.” Abby whimpers, her hips slowing down as you buck up into hers, leading the pace as she gives into you. “C’mon, my sweet girl, let it all go. I have you, m’never letting go, promise.” 
With a notion of protection and sealed love, Abby lets go. Every bit of her slumps against you as she finds her release, you follow after her as you slowly grind into her, letting her coast through the high as she nearly growls in your ear, chants of your name leaving like a prayer. A sworn faithfulness to the only person she’s truly loved, cradling her as if she’s done no harm. As if she’s just as good and pure as you believe she is. 
With her forehead pressed against yours, her blue eyes void of any cockiness, she squeezes them shut as she regains to catch her breath. Lazily, pulling a sheet over you both as it rests on her waist, protecting you with her warmth. Abby wonders if your heart beats as rapidly as hers, fingers tangled in her golden waves as you gently bring swollen pink lips to you. Basking in the way she molds perfectly to you as if this moment, you and her, meant to be fated. 
One of her rough hands runs up and down your back, as the other grips your chin between her fingers, pulling you more into her as you share yet another soft and slow kiss. A kiss that has you smiling into her mouth as her tongue swipes across your bottom lip, teeth nipping at skin. “Needy,” You can’t help but giggle, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as Abby simply just shrugged and grinned up at you. 
“Can you blame me? You’re addicting.” She stated like it was the most obvious thing you’ve ever heard. “Your lips are so soft, so that’s another reason why i like kissing you”
“That's the only reason? My lips are soft?” You cocked your head to the side, fingers tracing the slope of her nose slowly, amused at the way she crunches it up cutely when you cup her face. “You have pretty lips, a pretty nose, a pretty everything” You listed, leaning down to place a kiss between her furrowed eyebrows. “You have a pretty heart that is made of gold”
“I wouldn’t say that much about my heart. It’s caused a lot of pain lately.” Abby mutters sadly, fingers wrapping around your wrist and placing your hand on her cheek. “M’sorry for how I've treated you. Especially during this trip, a trip that was supposed to be so special and i kept fucking it up.”
“You’re here with me now, that’s all that matters, Abs. We matter, you matter.” Your voice was quiet, but with the close distance you shared with her, she heard it loud and clear. Your heart thumping loudly in your chest when she leans more into the palm of your hand, closes her and hums gently. “You are so beautiful, I didn't think I could be this in love with someone, not like I am with you. You mean everything to me, and I want to show you just how much.” 
Your confession has her eyes snapping open again, baby blues peering into yours so vulnerable, that you were worried she was about to get up and flee again. It always happened when you got too much into your feelings and feelings towards Abby. But she didn’t, instead, a shy smile appeared on her lips and a crimson blush coated the apples of her cheeks, her skin hot under your touch. “You don’t have to say anything—”
“I love you with all my heart.” 
The confession is ruined by the sound of the door slamming against the wall, and it startles you both. Abby’s moving to cover your body, protecting your vulnerability and being so exposed before her own. Her eyes quickly widen at the sight of Owen standing there. His chest is rising up and down, panting like he’s just ran a marathon. He’s looking between you both, at you longer than he is at Abby, but he’s looking. 
For a few seconds he doesn’t do anything, he just stands there with no idea what to do or say. Luckily Abby feels the same, and she just glares at him down with a subtle growl that has you biting down on your lip. Your eyes quickly look back over at Owen with a grin. “Can you shut the door on the way out? You’re ruining everything right now, i would like to fuck the woman of my dreams, again, and you are stopping me from doing that” You can’t help but huff. “You didn’t treat her like the Queen she is, but don’t worry, i will.”
Abby doesn’t know whether to laugh or choke on the spit forming in her mouth the second the words fly out of yours. 
Any other time, Owen would have caused a scene, woke everyone up with how loud he shouts, but this time he doesn’t. He knows it’s his fault, him to be blamed for Abby needing someone else. He barely gave her the time of day, and pushed her away for someone who wasn’t his girlfriend. Apart of him knew this day would come, she would leave him for you, he just didn’t think it would happen like this. So with one final look, he’s turning on his heels, bolting out of the room and slamming the door behind him. Not wasting a single second to get out of there. 
Leaving you both there, giggling.
Shaking her head at you, Abby cups her face between your hands not even seconds later, repeatedly placing kisses on your lips and melts at the sound as you both fall back onto the bed, in each others space, like you’ve always meant to be with hushed whispers, and promises into each others mouth. 
“It’s always been you. I love you, always and forever.”
It’s safe to say, Owen won’t ever be tasting you again.
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dantakeyoman · 2 years ago
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Neteyam Saving You As You Fall Off Lo’ak’s Ikran (SFW)
Reader is Fem! Omaticaya
CW: Near Death Experience, angst if you squint, Neteyam is incredibly angry, happy ending, passionate kiss ( this is a little ways into the future so the boys are a little older, but the events of TWOW never happened )
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“Lo’ak, we need to head home. It’s past eclipse, and your father will wring both our necks if we do not come back on time,” you tried to reason, your hand shaking as you reached for the next rock on your climb up Ayram Alusìng.
“You worry too much, (y/n),” he smiled, waving you off as he hooked his foot on a nearby stone. “We’re almost there, so we might as well see this through. And once we get up there, we’ll be quick.”
“We will be quick about nothing,” you corrected, tone scolding, “I have already told you this, I have no wish to fly on an ikran. I am only here to ensure your safety.”
You and the youngest Sully son had spent half the day climbing the Hallelujah mountains so you could have a super tall jumping off point with Lo’ak’s ikran.
You tried telling him that you had plans with Neteyam tonight ( you two were going to go stargazing ), but Lo’ak said that he’d just go on his own. But you knew how reckless the boy could be, and didn’t want him to get hurt and be on his own.
“Don’t worry, we’ll be done before you know it,” his promise echoed through your head, now feeling foolish that you even remotely believed him.
And although you have told him many times that just because you are there, does not mean you are going to jump off anything, it seems to go in one ear and out the other.
Like most things for Lo’ak do.
“Oh, my safety?” he scoffed, an amused smirk playing on his lips. 
You rolled your eyes, pinching his ankle, hard.
“Ow!” “Just keep climbing.”
He hooked his arm on the ledge, hoisting himself up onto it before rolling over on his stomach, resting his cheek in his palm as he watched you climb up the rocks.
“Ay! Lo’ak! What’re you doing?! Help me up!” you shouted, nervous.
You had been climbing all day, making the muscles in your arms sore and weak. You could feel yourself slightly slipping with every passing second.
“I think I’d rather watch you struggle,” he chuckled, smiling down at you.
He hadn’t noticed this.
Feeling your hand loosing it’s grip, you frantically looked around, trying to find something else to grab hold to.
“Lo’a-!” With a gasp, your hand slipped significantly, causing you to lose your footing and break off the rock that was keeping your feet in place.
“Shit!” Lo’ak exclaimed, quickly grabbing your forearm and pulling you up before you could fall off.
You flopped onto the piece of rock, panting as you stared up at the night sky, almost certain that you saw Eywa for a moment.
“(y/n), are you okay?” he asked, laying down next to you.
You huffed aggressively out your nose, holding up your finger in a gesture you saw Jake do once.
You didn’t know exactly what it meant, but it showed anger towards another, and that’s all you needed.
Lo’ak laughed loudly, standing himself up and looking down at your tired figure with a smile. “I’ll take that as a yes.”
He walked over to his ikran, making tsaheylu, before hopping on, turning around to face you.
“Are you coming?”
“Lo’ak. I am going to say this one final time,” you sighed as you stood up, trying to keep your composure.
“I will never,” you took a step closer.
“Ever,” another.
“Fly on an ikran,” you took a large one, poking a finger in his chest.
A smirk quirked on his lips as he hooked his arm around your waist and plopped you on the seat behind him, taking off before you could protest.
The ikran shot into the air quickly, making you scream of fright.
“WHOOOOO!” Lo’ak cheered as it flew straight up, going higher and higher and higher. 
You paused your screams, turning around to look down, only to see the forest canopy far, far, far, below.
And with that, you fainted, falling off banshee.
“(Y/N)!” Lo’ak shouted, quickly turning around and diving for you.
The true reason why you wouldn’t fly was now revealed: you were deathly afraid of heights.
The Ayram Alusìng was the highest you’ve ever gone, and even that took an extreme amount of courage to conquer.
Your eyes fluttering open, you realized that you were free-falling, letting out another scream.
Lo’ak was too far above you to catch up, though he was frantically trying, and since you never took part in the Iknimaya, you didn’t have your own ikran to call out to.
This couldn’t be Eywa’s plan for you, to die so violently. You still had much in your life to complete, like your Tsahik training with Mo’at, or your hunting lessons with Neytiri.
Or Neteyam.
Oh, Eywa. You were going to die and never see him again. Never hold him again, never treat his wounds again, never see his smile again.
Tears welled in your eyes as you looked down again, the canopy getting closer and closer with every second.
You curled yourself into a ball, preparing yourself for the impact.
All other noise faded away, the rushing wind, the flap of an ikran, Lo’ak’s shouts, all fell on deaf ears.
“Great Mother, please give Neteyam a life of happiness when I am gone.”
And just as a tree was nearly a hair away, a familiar ikran swooped below you, two, strong arms catching you and holding you in a death grip.
Immediately recognizing the scent of your mate, you started to silently cry, resting your head on his chest.
“Neteyam,” you sniffled, curling into him.
“Mawhey, (y/n). I am here,” he assured, stroking your hair as he pulled the reigns, landing back on the mountain.
Lo’ak landed soon after and Neteyam jumped off the ikran, grabbing his brother off his and punching him in the face.
“Neteyam!” you exclaimed, shocked as you got off the banshee as well.
“Skxawng! What were you thinking?! (y/n) would have been killed had I not come in time!” he shouted, grabbing Lo’ak’s shoulders roughly.
Lo’ak looked ashamed, but inside he was relieved that you were alright.
You were his best friend. And if you died because of him, he could never forgive himself.
“Thank Eywa I felt something horribly wrong when you did not show up at our meeting place,” Neteyam looked at your saddend figure, a flicker of anger in his eyes still reserved for you.
“But you!” he turned back to Lo’ak. “How could you put my mate in danger?!”
“I did not mean to! We were flying as she fainted, but I didn’t notice she fell off until she was already far ahead of me!” Lo’ak feverishly explained.
He hadn’t seen his brother this angry in a long time. 
Neteyam sucked his teeth, scoffing as he aggressively let go of Lo’ak.
“Go home. Now,” he order darkly, giving his brother one final glare.
Lo’ak hung his head, turning around and hopping back on his ikran.
He looked to you sadly, in silent apology, and you nodded, giving him the faintest of smiles. 
You knew he never meant any harm, this just happened to be an incredibly close call.
As he flew away, Neteyam walked over to you, taking your hands in his. 
“As for you,” he started, looking deeply into your eyes. “I heard you in the sky. Your prayer to Eywa.”
You turned way from him, ashamed.
“How can you think that I will ever be happy if you are dead?” his tone offended as he rested his forehead against yours.
“You are my Tsahik, my mate. I could never be truly happy without you by my side.”
“I see you, Neteyam,” you sadly smiled, softly placing your hand on his cheek. “And I am sorry.”
“I see you, (y/n),” he said back, his voice becoming deep as he lifted your chin. “And it is okay.”
And in a flood of emotion, you pulled him in by the nape of his neck, kissing him passionately.
He returned it, tilting his head and pulling you closer by your waist. 
You both stayed like this, exchanging your relief before pulling apart, the safety of each other now returned.
And as you looked up at him lovingly, his beautiful smile now rested on his lips.
“Don’t think that kiss has saved you,” he smirked.
You playfully rolled your eyes, your smile growing as well as he scooped you up bridal style, carrying you towards his ikran.
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surielstea · 3 months ago
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Nobody’s Soldier
Eris Week 2024, day 5: War
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Pairing: Eris Vanserra x Lieutenant!Reader
Summary: In which Reader and Eris spend their night before the war together going over battle plans, and distracting themselves from the bloodshed with other tactics.
Warnings: Slight Angst | Smut | Minors DNI | 18+ | Oral (f reviving) | p in v | penetration sex | slight worship kink | Sir kink | teasing | Eris FUCKS.
A. Note: Sorry this is so short!! I wanted it to be longer but, It’s mostly smut anyway ;)
3.1k words.
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I drew in a sharp breath as I stared down at the map of Prythian, pawns of eight different colors sprawled across it.
The seven courts all gathered on one side, and Hybern in stark black marching from the west.
I groaned, my head pounding as Eris and I went over strategies for the umpteenth time that night.
Eris wrapped his arms around my shoulders, hugging me from behind and pulling me into his chest. I melt into his touch, craning my neck back to look up at him. "Where will I and my squadron be sectioned?" I ask in a tired murmur.
Eris's brows bunch and he looks down at me. "You're not fighting in this war." He shakes his head. I pull away from him, turning around to face him with confusion etched along my face.
"What do you mean I'm not fighting in this war?" My lip curls slightly.
"I'm your general, and I'm commanding you to stay off the field, what's not to understand?" He arches a manicured brow and I scowl.
"Eris I'm a Lieutenant, one of your best fighters," I state. "You cannot take me out of this war simply because you wish to keep me safe." I scoff, crossing my arms over my chest.
"Yes, I can." He states, his voice leaving no room for argument. "And I will, selfish or not you are my mate and I will not allow you to put yourself in danger." He frowned, the expression making my gut twist.
I stare at him in disbelief. "I'm a soldier, it's my job to protect this court. You cannot seriously think to keep me from fighting in our wars." I protest, stepping forward, craning my neck up at him, and snarling.
"I'm not sending you out there just to risk losing you to some war that wasn't even ours to begin with." He matched my tone.
"But it is ours. It always has been. If Hybern wins this war do you think he'll have mercy on us? That he'll even remember us?" I narrow my eyes on him and he grits his teeth, his expression unwavering. He did not speak, but he did not falter either.
"Gods, Eris if I knew accepting the mating bond meant that you'd keep me from the battlefield then I never would have—" I begin to say, but I didn’t get the chance to finish because suddenly my wrists were pinned back against the wall and Eris was flush against me, baring his teeth.
"I'd advise you don't finish that sentence if you know what's best for you." He warned a low growl rumbling from his chest that sent shivers down my spine.
"I could save lives that would be lost if I wasn't there. Lives, Eris, your men." I persisted, my voice softer but not weak.
"And jeopardize yours in the process? Call me a selfish and blinded bastard if you want, but if you were to get hurt? It would destroy me." He confessed, his voice dropping into a more intimate, sacred place, one that he only let me hear.
"Then you cannot fight either," I mutter sourly, despite my heart aching to agree, to tell him I’d do whatever he wanted if it meant we could stop arguing.
He barks a laugh at that, the sound clipped and lacking the warm amusement his laughter often had. "I am the general, I am an heir, I must fight and it is not my choice." He explained, and even if I already knew, it hurt to hear that it was not up to him whether he fought or not. "But I can save you, I can keep you safe at the very least, that, that will always be my choice." He steels his features.
"You're such a hypocrite." I scowl.
"I don't care, you are to stay here where I know you will be safe and that is final." His voice did not waver, the male I was looking at was a future High Lord, the General of Autumn's armies.
"And if they siege on this tower and slit my throat before you even get the chance to return to me?" I suggest and his brows bunch as if the thought alone brought him more grief than he could stomach.
"Gods, my darling can't you just stop being stubborn, just this once?" He asked, his voice teetering on a pleading.
"No, because I cannot sit here locked in this tower while you're out there in danger," I say. "If you fall Eris," I swallow, struggling to get the words out. "If you fall and I'm not there to say goodbye one last time, I will never forgive you or myself." I knew he only was looking after my best interest and safety, but he needed to realize that this would tear me apart as much as it would to him if our roles were reversed.
"So please, if you cannot stay behind too, then let me come with you." I was not above begging, I would, and if he still didn’t permit me to join his forces I would find a way to fight beside him anyway.
He seemed to recognize that, and ever so slowly he closed his eyes and let out a deep heavy sigh, one of forfeit— and I know, that I’ve got him under lock and key. "On one condition." He seethes and I suppress the smirk on my face.
I simply raise a brow, waiting for him to go on.
"You stay away from the front lines, you do not go into the heat of the battle unless it's completely necessary." He pauses. "Your squadron's goal will be to maintain your safety, if you try to do some self-sacrificing bullshit they have permission  to knock some damned sense into you, do you hear me?" He snarled, the General looking down his nose at me.
I let my wild grin form over my features. "Yes sir." I nod, biting into my lower lip and tugging at my wrists, which he still had pinned above my head.
"Swear it." He growled, not letting my arms loose until I did so and I rolled my eyes.
"I swear on the Mother Herself. I agree to your stupid requests, and will not step foot on the front lines or self-sacrifice." I grumble.
"Good." He removes his hold from my wrists and I immediately slither my hands around the nape of his neck. "You mean everything to me, I can't lose you." He said softly, wrapping his arms around my waist securely. I lay my head against his chest, hugging me tightly.
"I know, trust me, I know," I whisper, knowing I’d react far worse if I was in his position.
I silently absorb every detail of this moment, attempting to commit the warmth of his embrace to memory, the cinnamon and clove scent of him, the reassuring feeling of his muscular arms wrapped around me. But most importantly, the sound of his heartbeat and steady breathing. I don't know what I'd do if either of those things ever stopped. I tightened my arms around him at the thought.
Slowly, his hands run up my sides, past my shoulders and arms, and intertwine our fingers.
He silently pulls me to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it and guiding me into his lap, straddling his hips. He looked at me with both fear and desire swirling in his amber irises, and reverence behind it. I smiled softly and cupped his face in my palms, remaining silent as I pressed gentle kisses down his jaw.
He moved, his lips connecting with my neck, his touch worshipping as he pulled me against him, holding me for a moment, taking solace in the warmth and comfort that bloomed when we touched.
He trails his lips down the column of my throat to my collarbone, he nips slightly at the skin, then sucked and bit and licked at it, leaving a purple mark on the area. “Having one more night with you before we leave for the camps is torture." He grunted against my freshly branded skin.
"Why’s that?" I ask, my hand going into his hair. His touch increased into a more urgent, possessive need.
"Because I could spend an eternity worshipping every bare inch of you, but I'm sanctioned only a night." He explained. "I plan to memorize you, every dip, every curve, every damned inch of you." He said softly against my skin and I smiled as his hands slipped beneath my nightgown, gripping the bare skin of my hips, and when he noticed I wasn’t wearing any undergarments he only smirked against my skin, biting at the love mark softly. “Gods, you’re good to me.” He groaned and I grinned, winding my hips over his.
He couldn’t quite contain himself anymore and flipped us over, my head falling into the pillows, legs falling open as he moved between them. He made quick work of my nightgown, pulling it off and discarding it onto the floor. "I want to burn the memory of you into my mind,” He professed, his mouth ravenous as he kissed down the valley of my breasts. “To be able to remember your scent,” He went on, my hand gripping his hair as he traveled further south. “Your touch,” His breath was hot against my lower abdomen as he neared where I craved him most. “Your taste." My mate purred, his tongue darting out and licking a long stripe from my entrance all the way to my clit.
"Eris," I gasped, my back arching as he attached his wicked mouth to that bundle of nerves, sucking on it.
"That’s what I want to remember most of all, the sound of you moaning my name,” He said, his words half a groan. “I never want to forget that." He pressed a gentle kiss to my pulsing cunt and my breath hitched. “You going to be good for me?” He asked and I nodded, eager to feel him. “Answer me,” He commanded.
“Yes, Sir,” I murmured and his canines brushed over my folds, a low growl sounding from him in reaction to my obedience, and the nickname, it always sent him spiraling when I called him that.
He mercifully didn’t drag the foreplay on for much longer, his lips sealing around my clit while two of his fingers trailed around my entrance, dripping in my arousal before dipping in and stretching me out.
I mewled at the feeling, his name the only thing on my lips as he worked me up towards my release. He was going to be the death of me if he kept this up. His fingers curved inside of me, toying with that sweet spot that made my vision blur and my breath hitch. His tongue mimicked the movement of his hand and my legs jolted, a clear sign that my release was steadily approaching. How was he so damned good at that?
He chuckled darkly against my most sensitive area, the sound sending reverberations up my spine. “You already close, baby?” He taunted and I nodded, eager to reach that beckoning, all-consuming peak. “How adorable,” His teasing remark elicited a whine from me and I tugged at his hair, beyond words.
He returned to my neglected clit, his fingers still pumping in and out of me as I barreled towards my climax.
“Come on my tongue,” He said, an order from a General. His tone alone made me release a slew of moans, my back bowing into the mattress as I gripped his hair. He groaned at the feeling of me pulling on his fiery red locks.
“Eris,” His name was a prayer on my lips, like he was a damned God and only he could grant me the pleasure I so desperately desired. At the sound, he bit at my clit and I gasped, my hands loosening as my release crashes into me in rolling waves of pleasure, casting down my spine to my core where he helped me ride it out.
He pulled away after a few more swipes of his tongue through my stimulated folds. He kissed back up my stomach, through my breasts. Every kiss was deliberately made as if he couldn’t forget how each inch of my skin felt on his lips.
I fisted his hair and brought him up hurriedly, my lips crashing against his, tasting myself on him. "I want you engraved into me, permanently." He whispered and my heart melted at his dedication, his loyalty. “My girl,” He murmured softly and I knew he was only saying what was on his mind, too caught up in his thoughts to realize he was even speaking aloud.
“I’m yours,” I say, cupping his jaw. “And you’re mine,” I grin wildly. He nods, a love-drunk look on his face.
“Body and soul,” He agreed while leaning closer, capturing my lips in another fierce kiss. His hips rut down onto my glistening cunt and I groaned at the feeling of the clothed bulge in his pants rubbing against me. He takes advantage of the sound I make because it allows his tongue to slip into my mouth, hungrily exploring with it.
His hands roam my body, his touch claiming yet reverent. One of his hands comes to my hip, pinning it in place to stop my writhing while the other gropes my peaked breast, his thumb swiping over the sensitive bud.
“Eris,” I moan, my back forming a crescent as he grinds his hips over mine again. “Please, I need you inside of me,” I beg, my hands moving from his hair to his shoulders, muscles shifting under my touch as he adjusted, pulling his pants off and whatever was beneath them fervently.
I writhe but his hand tightens at my hip, fingers singing and digging into my soft skin. “Stay still for me, can you do that for me?” He asked and I nodded.
“Yes, Sir,” I murmur and he smiles down at me, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to the corner of my lips, the touch so intimate.
“That’s my good girl,” he praises, his cock aligning with my drenched cunt, dripping down onto his length.
“You alright?” He asks, his breath mingling with mine.
“Yes, please Eris make me feel good,” I consent and he smiles, all he needed to hear before he pushed the wide head of his cock into my cunt.
He groaned as I stretched around him, my elastic walls adjusting to his thick length. “Gods, you’re so tight baby,” He grunted through clenched teeth, attempting to reign in his composure and stop himself from ramming into me full force. “Taking me so well, atta girl,” He purred, pushing in deeper and deeper, and when I was certain I was full and couldn’t take any more, he pushed in one last inch. His face contorted into a mix of pleasure and restraint as he looked down at where we connected. My wet, puffy cunt wrapped around him so perfectly.
Ever so slowly, he began to move, his hips adjusting so he was pulling out and with each gentle thrust he would slowly go deeper, grow rougher until I was used to the stimulation and all my pain morphed into pure pleasure.
“Eris,” I mewled, my head tossing back into the pillows as I dug my teeth into my bottom lip to stop myself from screaming as he buried himself to the hilt inside of me, beginning to pound into me at a fast pace.
His abdomen contracts with every push and pull of his hips, his back flexing as I clawed my nails down it, leaving marks that he’d proudly display until they faded and he’d have me give them to him again.
His pace somehow increased into something animalistic, primal. His hand on my hip slithered up to my stomach, his palm splayed across the area and he gently, slowly pushed down.
I gasped as I felt him deeper, every ridge and vein of his length rubbing against my walls. I looked down, able to see exactly where he was inside of me as he continued pushing in and out of me. I moaned at the lewd sight, my eyes rolling to the back of my head as I dug my nails into his porcelain skin.
“You see that?” He purrs, staring exactly at what I was. “That’s how deep I am inside of you, stretching you out so you fit me, and only me,” He said, his words claiming and possessive as he continued to mold me onto his cock so no other male could derive the same pleasure from me that he could, not that I’d ever want anyone else to. I mewled at the idea of only being able to receive pleasure from him, my general, my mate. No one else, not even my own fingers.
“You like that, baby?” He smiled, his lips ghosting the shell of my ear. “I do, Sir,” I nod with a pleasure drunken smile across my lips. His cock twitched as I clench around him, signaling that he was nearing his release.
“You close baby? I don’t know how much longer I can hold back,” He warned and I nodded, my hands going to the nape of his neck.
“I’m—” My legs jolt. “So close,” I gasp out, my breath hitching and gaze shuddering.
“Look at me, I want to watch while you unravel on my cock,” He said with a feral, untamed grin that sent me reeling.
With one last roll of his hips, I met my second release of many that night. My orgasm took me full throttle, my vision growing fuzzy as heat washed down me. I clench tightly around me as I find my undoing, spurring him into his own release, his warm cum seeping into my cunt and filling every crevice, pumping me full. He bit at my shoulder as he groaned, our separate ecstasies coming together, longing in the air between us as we both rode our highs, his hips still rutting into me, much slower and relaxed now.
He grunts as he pulls out, it took effort, I had been milking him dry with how tightly I was clenched around him.
He let out a sigh, our pants filling the silent room, the fire crackling in the hearth that he must’ve absentmindedly lit in the midst of his pleasure.
He sank into the mattress beside me, his movements slow yet still carrying so much power to them.
“Aren’t you going to clean me up?” I hum the teasing remark tiredly, flipping onto my side to face him.
“You think we’re done?” He arched a brow, his hand coming to my bare hip and pulling me over him so my legs were spread over his hip. “I have one more night with you until this war is over, you’re a fool if you think we’re spending any of it sleeping.”
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174 notes · View notes
ohisms · 3 months ago
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✱˚。⋆ ↪ 𝐌𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐘 𝐂𝐀𝐍'𝐓 𝐒𝐋𝐄𝐄𝐏 ! ( a collection of sentence starters from season  1 of nbc's “ good girls ”. adjust phrasing as necessary . will be updated in the future . mature themes are present . )
specificity is good , but that's over the top .
chill , i'm like two minutes late .
alright , everybody be cool and nobody gets hurt .
do you think i could make it in L.A. ?
i don't need all that . i just want to be super famous .
you know , i'm just not really much of a church person .
maybe next time you'll take security more seriously .
oh my god , can you please just listen to me for one damn minute ?!
shame on you . shame on all of you .
move it before i shoot your face off , let's go !
you should probably get yourself a lawyer .
why is it so crazy ? i mean , it's a victimless crime .
can't you have my back on one thing , ever ?
this is me helping you not ruin your life .
damn . that was a good sell .
i should have been more careful , i panicked .
no ! i mean ... i don't know . maybe .
we're gonna rob that store .
have you lost your mind ?
we can't sit back and let everything be taken away from us .
no one's gonna fix this . we have to do it ourselves .
[ name ] ... hello ? are you okay in there ?
how did you have the money for all of this ?
i'm here to clean up a mess , [ name ] .
it's not a knock , we all have our strengths and weaknesses . you're a beautiful dummy . it doesn't make you a bad person .
this is five grand . enough for a plane ticket , and to get you started .
i guess you won't mind if i go to the cops , then . right ?
i handled it because you couldn't .
you've got a little ... on your face , kind of looks like blood .
what am i looking at right now ? WHAT am i even looking at right now ?
[ name ] , this is life or death .
i choose death . GIVE ME DEATH .
i have ... sort of a favor to ask .
it's not like you can't afford it .
what do you need that much money for ?
thank you for making me completely humiliate myself for no reason .
this is what winning feels like .
i'm gonna need you to say it with me . we are winning .
it's not like you're gonna kill me .
you don't have the guts . you're not killers .
thought you'd pull a fast one , huh ? make a quick buck ?
girls like you , you never think things through .
you've done this your whole life . you make these big messes and expect everyone else to clean it up . then you just ignore it .
you can't leave me here forever .
you are an incredible liar .
when bad things happen to good people , everyone goes crazy .
if it could happen to us , it could happen to anyone .
roll the dice . tell them to pull the trigger . see what happens .
hey , looks like we've got a survivor .
i am going the speed limit . i don't wanna get a ticket .
where does he think he's going ? boy , this is hard to watch .
if you go to the cops , so will i .
i thought we were done with this .
oh ! you'd rather just declare a kilo at customs ?
– or we could just steal it .
are you hearing yourself right now ?
do not call me crazy .
what if we get caught ?
there's always a choice .
dude , it's never gonna end . unless we end it .
i'm not gonna shoot him , i'm just gonna scare him a little !
forgive me lord jesus , i did not mean to shoot that man .
are we supposed to knock or something ?
i wanted my music for the road trip .
how long has it been bleeding like this ?
i need to take you to the hospital , i think you need stitches .
i wish everything could go back to the way it was .
i had no damn idea how good i had it until it was gone .
i know you hate me right now .
i'm sorry . i suck .
i had to do something really , really important .
what's more important than me ?
is there something you want to ask me ?
just making conversation .
you know the tradition is jordans over a phone line , right ?
be outside in two minutes or you're dead , i mean it .
it's so crazy , even saying it .
you asked for this ? you ASKED for this ?
you can't sign people up for criminal activity like it's a bake sale !
that is NOT what i meant when i said i'd do another job .
so you think you get to pick and choose what you do and when you wanna do it ?
no , i'm sorry . that is not gonna work .
what's your gut say ?
i can prove it ! i mean i can't ... but i want to .
why should i apologize ?
chill out with the cayenne .
maybe we need like , smelling salts or something .
well , i want him to not die in my house .
i am so tired of almost dying .
hey ! ... don't be mad .
you're a dead man .
shut up , just don't say anything . i will handle it .
just say you're sorry .
i wanted to do something nice , so that maybe we could start fresh .
i'm not proud of my part in everything .
oh , yeah ? what does that mean ?
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bucksanklescrews · 3 months ago
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big, big news- e.b. x fem!reader
warnings: pregnancy, pregnant reader
The day outside was picture-perfect, one of those quintessential Los Angeles afternoons that seemed almost too beautiful to be real. The sky stretched endlessly above, a brilliant, cloudless blue that contrasted sharply with the lush greenery of the trees lining the streets. The sun shone brightly, its golden rays warming everything in their path, while a gentle breeze whispered through the air, offering a brief respite from the heat. It felt like summer's embrace, warm and comforting, but it did little to soothe the anxiety churning within you.
You huffed, wiping your brow with the back of your hand as you fanned your face, trying in vain to cool down your sweaty skin. But it wasn’t just the heat that had you flustered—it was the overwhelming mix of emotions surging through you. Your breath came in uneven gasps, and you could feel the tears prickling at the corners of your eyes, threatening to spill over. You bit your lip, fighting back the sob that was lodged in your throat. It seemed so stupid to be crying now, after all the pleading and hoping you had done, asking the gods and any entity who might listen to grant you this. And yet, now that the moment was here, terror had taken root, winding its way around your heart and squeezing tight.
The timer rang, its shrill sound cutting through the air like a knife, pulling you back to the present. Your body moved on autopilot, shuffling toward the bathroom with heavy, hesitant steps. The room felt smaller than it had before, the air thick with anticipation. Your hand shook as you reached for the little square of toilet paper on the counter, where the pregnancy test lay waiting.
You couldn’t bring yourself to look at it directly. The little hourglass that had spun endlessly on the screen was gone, replaced by a single, solid word that seemed to stare back at you, daring you to read it. But you were too scared to face it, too terrified of what that one word might mean—for your future, for your hopes, for everything you had wished for and feared all at once.
Pregnant
A sob escaped your lips. It was so simple, just one word, but it carried the weight of a thousand emotions—joy, fear, disbelief, hope, and everything in between. You had imagined this moment countless times, playing out every possible reaction, but nothing could have prepared you for the intensity of the emotions that now flooded your body.
It was raw and unfiltered, a release of all the tension, the anticipation, the overwhelming sense of reality crashing down on you. Tears followed, spilling over your cheeks as you gripped the edge of the counter for support. Your legs felt weak, and you leaned heavily against the cool surface, trying to steady yourself as the enormity of the moment settled in.
This was real. The word on the screen wasn’t a dream, or a fantasy, or a cruel trick of the mind. It was real, and it meant that everything was about to change. You were going to be a mother. The thought was both exhilarating and terrifying, and as the sobs continued to wrack your body, you felt a strange mix of emotions swirling within you—relief, joy, fear, love.
You let yourself cry, allowing the tears to flow freely, knowing that this was the beginning of something completely new, something you had hoped for yet had never fully imagined. It was a moment of profound vulnerability, and as you cried, you felt the first stirrings of acceptance, of embracing the unknown, and of stepping into this new chapter of your life with all the courage you could muster.
Eventually, the sobs subsided, leaving you standing in the quiet of the bathroom, the pregnancy test still in your trembling hand. You wiped your eyes with the back of your hand, taking a deep, shaky breath as you stared at the word again. Pregnant. It was real, and so were you.
Evan came home that evening, the door creaking softly as he stepped inside. You were curled up on the couch, a blanket draped over your legs, staring out the window at the fading light of the day. He paused in the doorway, his eyes immediately searching your face for any sign of how you were feeling.
"Are you alright?" he asked gently, his voice laced with concern.
You looked up at him and smiled, a soft, reassuring smile that you hoped would ease his worry. "I'm fine," you replied, your voice steady, though your emotions were still swirling beneath the surface.
Evan seemed unconvinced, his brows knitting together as he took a cautious step toward you. He hesitated for a moment, then settled into the other couch, keeping a respectful distance as if he was unsure whether you needed space or comfort. The sadness in his eyes was evident, and it tugged at your heart, making you want to reach out to him and share everything that had happened earlier.
But instead, you stayed silent, watching him as he slowly drifted off to sleep, his head resting against the back of the couch. His breathing became slow and even, and you found yourself studying him, taking in every detail. His face, relaxed in sleep, looked so peaceful, almost boyish. You wondered if your baby would have that same sense of wonder in their eyes, the same curiosity that seemed to light up Evan’s face whenever he encountered something new. Would they inherit his birthmark, the small, distinct mark on his brow that you loved.
Your heart swelled with love and a deep, protective instinct. You could already feel the connection between the three of you growing, even if Evan didn’t know it yet. The thought of sharing this news with him, of seeing his reaction, both thrilled and terrified you. But for now, you wanted to savor this quiet moment, to hold onto the anticipation a little longer.
As the afternoon slipped into evening, you rose from the couch, careful not to disturb Evan. Moving through the kitchen, you began to gather ingredients for dinner, your mind still buzzing with the earlier revelation. Cooking had always been a soothing activity for you, a way to ground yourself when your thoughts were too chaotic. The familiar rhythm of chopping vegetables, seasoning, and stirring helped to calm your nerves.
The scent of your cooking eventually filled the air, and you heard the soft rustle of movement from the living room. Evan was awake. You smiled to yourself as you heard his footsteps approaching, knowing that he was drawn to the kitchen by the enticing aroma.
Just as you were finishing plating up his dinner, you felt his arms wrap around your waist from behind, his warmth enveloping you. He pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder, his breath tickling your skin. "Smells amazing," he murmured, his voice still thick with sleep.
You leaned into him, feeling a surge of affection. "I hope you’re hungry," you replied, trying to keep your tone light.
Evan took both plates from you, carrying them to the dining room table with a practiced ease. He pulled out your chair, just as he always did, a small gesture that had become a cherished part of your routine whenever you cooked together. As you sat down, he quickly retrieved the silverware and returned with drinks for both of you, setting everything down with care.
He popped the cork to a new bottle of wine. Evan poured the wine into your glass, the rich red liquid swirling as it filled the bowl. With a playful smirk, he added a little extra splash, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "Just a bit more, for good measure," he teased, clearly in high spirits.
You couldn't help but smile up at him, warmth spreading through you. But as much as you appreciated the gesture, you knew it was time to tell him. The secret you’d been holding onto all evening felt too big to keep inside any longer.
You reached out and gently touched his hand, your voice soft but steady. "I can't drink it, Buck."
He paused, looking at the bottle in his hand, then back at you. "Oh, don’t worry, it’s not the extra fancy stuff or anything," he assured you.
You smiled wider, your heart swelling with affection for him. You bit your lip and raised an eyebrow, hoping he would catch on, but the realization still didn’t hit him. Instead, he slid the glass of wine over to his side of the table, his brow furrowing slightly as he tried to understand.
"Do you want water or a soda instead?" he asked, completely missing the hint.
You laughed softly, shaking your head at his obliviousness. "Water is fine," you replied, amused by how adorably clueless he could be at times.
Evan nodded and quickly went to grab a glass of water and a can of soda from the fridge, setting them in front of you with a smile. He was so earnest, so sweet, and so completely unaware of the bombshell you were about to drop. Your heart raced as you prepared to tell him, excitement and nerves mingling together.
He began recounting the details of his last shift, his voice animated as he spoke about the callouts, the adrenaline rush of the job, and the small victories they’d celebrated together. You tried to listen, you really did, but as he spoke, you found yourself utterly enchanted by the way his eyes lit up, the way his lips curled into that charming smile.
Every laugh line and freckle seemed to tell a story, and as you watched him, your mind drifted to the little life you were carrying—his child. The realization sent warmth flooding through you, and you couldn’t help but smile wide, completely lost in thought.
Buck noticed your distraction and chuckled, breaking through your daydream. "Why are you smiling so wide? You’re not high, are you?" he teased, his brows raised in mock concern.
You shook your head, laughing lightly. "Why would a woman not be able to drink wine?" you replied, trying to keep the atmosphere light even as your heart raced at the thought of finally revealing your news.
Evan’s eyes widened slightly, and you could almost see the gears in his mind turning as he started to connect the dots. "Wait, are you…?" he began, but then stopped himself, uncertainty flickering across his face. “Do you need help or something?”
You quickly shook your head, a reassuring smile on your lips. "No, I’m okay, really."
But then his expression shifted, a sudden brightness sparking in his eyes. "Are you pregnant?" he asked, the words tumbling out of his mouth before he could catch himself.
With a nod, you whispered, "Yes, I am."
Evan’s face lit up, a mix of disbelief and joy spreading across his features. "Really?" he breathed, his eyes searching yours for confirmation. "Oh my god, are you serious?"
You smiled wider, feeling the weight of your news lift as you shared it with him. "I’m serious."
He pushed back his chair slightly, his excitement palpable. "This is incredible!" he exclaimed, his arms wrapping around you in an embrace that felt electric. You melted into him, feeling the warmth of his body, the sheer happiness radiating from him.
As he pulled back to look at you, his eyes shone with a mixture of awe and love. "We’re having a baby," he said, almost in disbelief. You nodded, feeling tears of joy prick at the corners of your eyes.
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floralcyanide · 3 months ago
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⊹ when in copenhagen
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request: a basic one to start! shower sex with carmy? in which you and Carmy argue your way into showering together.
↝ pairing: Carmen "Carmy" Berzatto x Fem!Reader
↝ warnings: spoilers for The Bear (kinda?), smut (mdni!), unprotected sex, penetrative sex, brief nipple play, fingering, arguing (a lot), shower sex
↝ word count: 2k
↝ author's note: finally watched The Bear!! so guess what that means lol (I hope you all enjoy this!! I didn't edit lowkey but oh well)
masterlist ⋇ divider credit: @cafekitsune
this fic has been cross posted to ao3.
ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴘʏ, ʀᴇᴘʀᴏᴅᴜᴄᴇ, ᴏʀ ᴄʟᴀɪᴍ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀs ᴏɴ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ, ᴀᴏ3, ᴡᴀᴛᴛᴘᴀᴅ, ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴇʙsɪᴛᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴘᴇʀᴍɪssɪᴏɴ ᴛᴏ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ɪɴ ᴀɪ ɢᴇɴᴇʀᴀᴛᴏʀs ᴏʀ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴀʀᴛɪғɪᴄɪᴀʟ ɪɴᴛᴇʟʟɪɢᴇɴᴄᴇ. ʏᴏᴜ ᴍᴀʏ ɴᴏᴛ ᴜsᴇ ᴍʏ ᴡᴏʀᴋs ᴛᴏ sᴇʟʟ ғᴏʀ ᴀs ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴏᴡɴ ᴄʀᴇᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
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There’s not a lot of room on this boat.
It’s your first thought as you take time to tour where you’ll be residing for a while. You’re in Copenhagen, Denmark, for some cooking lessons, but not alone. You’re with your fellow chef and another student of Andrea Terry’s, Carmen Berzatto. You aren’t quite sure why Chef Terry sent both of you here simultaneously, but you have a few ideas. One of them is that the two of you solve the weird tension you have going on while you’re here. The other is to obviously kill two birds with one stone and send more than one chef to learn new ways to create. But the first idea seemed the most likely. The houseboat where you and Carmen, or Carmy, as he preferred to be called, are going to stay for the foreseeable future is fairly dinky and barely has room for two beds. One of them is technically the couch that pulls out into a full-size bed. You and Carmy will probably argue over who gets which bed. The two of you argue a lot over just about everything. Chef Terry is probably ecstatic that she gets a break from it for a while. 
It isn’t long before a disagreement on who gets to shower first begins. There’s also a side banter on who is making dinner or whether or not you’re ordering in and who is doing the ordering. It’s sort of your dynamic to never agree on anything, ever. You wish you had taken this trip separately, but of course, Chef Terry had to deal you a bad hand. Enriching your palettes is one thing, but your stress levels are another. You can’t see the tension between the two of you resolving any time soon, so you fear this supposed adventure isn’t going to be as enjoyable as you thought. 
In a moment of pressed anger, a sarcastic comment leaves your lips, “We could always just shower together and shut the fuck up about it.”
“That’s actually not a bad idea,” Carmy rubs his chin before turning around and grabbing two towels from the linen closet.
“What?” you laugh incredulously, “You can’t be serious right now.”
“Look,” Carmy rolls his eyes, “It’s better than standing here arguing all fucking night, is it not?”
You cross your arms and stifle a pout, much like a child, but meet Carmy’s eyes reluctantly, “Fine. Just don’t look at me while I shower.”
“That’s going to be a little difficult since we’re going to be right next to each other, but I won’t have to try very hard anyway,” Carmy rolls his eyes.
You’re slightly offended by his comment but recover enough to follow him to the bathroom without responding. Carmy pulls off his shirt before turning on the shower and tossing it onto the floor. You do the same as the two of you quickly undress, avoiding each other’s gaze. You frown at the somewhat weak stream of water coming from the shower and dare to glance at Carmy’s bare back. You aren’t blind by any means; Carmy is attractive as hell. He’s built quite nicely in a physical manner and has flattering features. Plus, you can’t help but be attracted to how quickly he can match your attitude. So, keeping your eyes averted from Carmy’s naked, sculpted body is a little difficult on your end. But it doesn’t seem hard at all for your fellow traveler to avoid staring, as you had asked him to. It’s a little disappointing, but at least you finally get to wash off the stale sweat you’ve been sporting for hours. The shower stall is small but spacious enough to some degree for two people to fit.
Once both of you find yourselves under the water, Carmy wastes no time scrubbing himself with the soap he brought with him. You do the same, keeping your eyes to yourself and trying not to accidentally nudge him with your elbow. The two of you struggle to rinse off without nearly slipping or bumping into each other. 
“How about one of us washes first and rinses, and the other one goes next?” Carmy turns to you, sighing in frustration.
“Who goes first, then?” you raise an eyebrow, expecting to argue some more.
“You can, by all means,” Carmy offers, and your jaw almost drops.
You furrow your brow at him, “And what do I owe you for this lack of fussing?”
“Nothing,” he shrugs innocently.
The reality is that Carmy just wants to watch you. Not in a creepy way, or maybe it is sort of creepy, but he thinks you’re attractive, too. The no-watching rule doesn’t count if you aren't caught, right? Carmy just needs to be slick about it. You hesitantly take up the offer to fully wash first, squirting some shampoo into your palm before lathering it into your hair. 
“If you need me to get your back, just let me know, sweetheart,” Carmy offers jokingly.
You snort, “I will. Thanks.”
You manage to wash and condition your hair in peace, unknowingly having the burning blue eyes of Carmy on you. When it’s time to wash everywhere else, you take Carmy up on his offer just to see his reaction. You turn around to face him, his gaze quickly averting away.
“Actually, if you could get my back, I’d greatly appreciate it, Carm,” you smile cheekily, offering him your loofah.
“Oh,” he says, “I didn’t think you’d actually take me up on it,” he scoffs, taking the loofah from you.
“Stranger things have happened,” you shrug.
“Hmm. Really?” Carmy starts to gently scrub your back, “Like what?”
“Us showering together is literally one of those things,” you say plainly.
“No need for sass,” Carmy leans into your ear, “We were doing just fine there for a minute.”
You fight back a shiver at Carmy’s closeness, “You’re right. I’ll be quiet now. Keep scrubbing.”
Carmy switches the loofah for his hand, spreading the suds around with his palm, massaging your tense shoulders. You let out a small sigh at the feeling of yourself relaxing for the first time today. Carmy snakes his arm around you, handing you the loofah back.
“Who said for you to stop?” you turn your head around at him, and you’re met with his eyes being darker than usual.
“I could keep going, but uh,” Carmy clears his throat, “I can’t promise I’ll stop.”
“Why’s that?” you ask curiously, borderline teasing.
“Don’t trek into dangerous territory,” Carmy warns.
You turn to fully face him, “I know your comment earlier wasn’t true. About you not having to try hard not to stare.”
“How so?”
“You stare at me all the time. Don’t think I don’t notice it, Berzatto,” you smirk.
Carmy runs a hand through his wet hair, wondering if he should be so bold to respond with what he wants to. Instead, he takes you by surprise and grabs a hold of your hips, his thumbs bruisingly pressing into the fat of them. 
“I told you not to trek,” Carmy mutters, his eyes serious but darkening more by the second.
“What if I want to?” you say, testing just how far Carmy would go.
One of his hands wraps around the back of your neck, bringing you close to his face so he can crash his lips onto yours. You find yourself kissing back, your fingers tangling into Carmy’s hair at the nape of his neck. He pushes you against the shower wall, his one hand still holding you by your hip. Carmy slips his tongue inside your mouth, taking more control of the embrace. He takes a moment to run both hands along your sides, pulling your body closer to his. You feel him hard against your stomach.
“Need some help, Berzatto?” you pull away from the kiss, glancing down at Carmy’s length at attention against his toned abdomen, “I’m already trekking far enough, so why not?”
“Only if you let me make dinner after this,” Carmy says.
“Deal,” you shrug.
You reach between your bodies and begin stroking Carmy slowly, to which he lets out a breathy moan. He has thought about this moment far too many times- you grasping him and getting him off. Carmy thrives off your anger toward him, and you thrive off of his, too. It only seems plausible it’d end up like this.
Carmy daringly grasps one of your breasts as you pump your hand along his shaft at a quicker pace, squeezing you and teasing your nipple with his thumb. You hum at the feeling, spreading around the precum on his tip. Carmy’s hand moves from your chest down your stomach and to your heat, where he cups it, hesitant to go any further without permission.
“Don’t get scared on me now,” you look him in the eyes, “I expect something out of this, too. So go ahead.”
Carmy wastes no time dipping a finger into you, wanting to make a dig at you for being so wet already just from touching him, but he refrains. Instead, he adds another finger, using the heel of his hand to press against your clit. He thrusts his fingers inside you, finding a spot that causes you to grip him harshly in response.
“Keep doing that, and we’ll have to fuck,” you whine.
“Don’t threaten me with a good time,” Carmy says, his free hand now carding through your hair, his fingernails grazing your scalp.
You pull Carmy’s fingers from you, replacing them with the head of his cock, “Take this as a promise and not a threat, then.”
Carmy drags himself along your slit before guiding himself inside your entrance, wincing at how tight you are as inch by inch is taken by your needy cunt. Once he’s fully inside you, Carmy boxes you in with his arms, pressing them to the shower wall on either side of your head. You wrap a leg around his waist and brace your hands on his chest as he starts thrusting. Carmy’s eyes bore into yours, drinking in your sounds and facial expressions with every jerk of his hips. You move an inch forward to capture his lips into a heated kiss, moving your body along with every movement of his. You moan pitifully into Carmy’s mouth as he hits a spot inside you that makes stars appear behind your eyelids. 
“Do that again,” you say weakly, and Carmy repeats the action except a little harder this time.
“Taking my cock so well that you can’t argue about it, can you?” Carmy says in your ear, “Now I know how to shut you up.”
“I’ll do whatever you want if you keep fucking me like this,” you throw your head back against the wall, your back pressed flush to it as Carmy fucks into you as fast as his hips allow.
“I’ll take you up on that, sweetheart,” Carmy smirks, nibbling your ear playfully.
You feel the familiar tightness in your belly growing, “I’m close.”
Carmy sneaks a hand between you and strokes your clit with his fingers, urging you to cum. You teeter closer to the edge as he presses his fingertips harder on the bundle of nerves, rubbing tight circles. With one particularly angled thrust, you orgasm hard around Carmy, your walls clenching his length pitifully. The feeling of you coming undone then triggers his release, and he fills you up to the brim with a low, guttural moan. The water has since turned cold, and once you unwrap yourself from Carmy, you immediately turn the shower off. 
“How about that dinner, Carm?”
Carmy is busy catching his breath but replies, “Sure thing. Just don’t argue about what I’m making, and we’ll be fine.”
You grab your towel, “You make it sound like I argue about everything, which isn't true. Sometimes, it’s you who wants to whine and complain.”
Carmy purses his lips at you, smacking your ass with his towel, “Just be grateful I fucked you and am also making you dinner.”
Once bedtime arrives, the two of you decide not to fight over who gets which bed and opt to share the main one. It’s better than making a fuss. Plus, falling asleep with Carmy’s arms around you was worth all the pent-up tension you had dealt with for so long.
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annwrites · 2 months ago
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— jacaerys velaryon quotes ⊹⊱♛⊰⊹ | a call to arms
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❝You there—girl—do you know how incredibly rude it is for you not to stand and curtsy when in the presence of royalty?❞
❝You are to look at me while we're speaking. Do you understand?❞
❝From now on, you will wear more suitable clothing when outside your private chambers—which means conservative in nature; not whatever men found desirable upon the Street of Silk. You are a representative of our house now. A dragonrider. A soldier to our cause. You will look the part.❞
❝You will watch your tongue, you insolent little wench.❞
❝You are being too gentle with her—too patient—she requires a firmer hand, elsewise she will never properly learn.❞
❝Just as soon as you can give such commands in High Valyrian, I shall consider. Now, do as you are told.❞
❝Is this what it's going to take, then?❞ (...) ❝Me manipulating you like a ventriloquist does its doll to get you to do what I need you to?❞
❝Rȳbās,❞ he then says with a smug look. ❝It means obey.❞
❝You've silver hair, purple eyes, pale skin. Men would pay handsomely to pretend at having a Targaryen princess or lady for an hour or two, would they not?❞
❝Everything to do with you concerns me!❞
❝I do not answer to you, but you will to me: your superior. Now.❞
❝You will address me properly, and you will hold your tongue. You speak only when spoken to, is that understood?❞
❝If you ever raise a hand to me again,❞ (...) ❝I will take it. What you just did is treason.❞
❝Go on, then. Try me. See how far I let you get after such a stunt. You think me weak? Easy to strong-arm?❞
❝I doubt it. You've no idea who you're testing. I am your future king,❞ he spits. ❝And you will obey me, you little bitch.❞
❝You think your comely looks make you special? Think they're all you need, so as to easily fool and take advantage of men? To get your way?❞
❝There is a screen, and I hardly intend to look. Now, do as your prince commands.❞
❝I won't allow any harm to befall you, you have my word, Y/N! As long as you are with me, you are safe!❞
❝Do you think she enjoys being trapped in here all hours of the day? Do you know how long it's been since someone has ridden her? Let her show you the skies. Allow her that privilege.❞
❝I want us to experience this together.❞
❝It is possible,❞ (...) ❝To change your mind about that which you think you want. If you only consider other options.❞
❝Gods, you're fucking impossible, aren't you?❞
❝Teach me how to please you. Allow me to show you how truly sorry I am in this...other way.❞
❝I have taught you much these last few days. It is time, mayhaps, you return the favor.❞
❝Allow me to please you.❞
❝You have me on my knees. Begging you to allow me to pleasure you. You need more reassurance that you have me at your mercy now?❞
❝I would use my mouth, Y/N, if it please you.❞
❝I know what I want. And I know that it is you. Here. Now. Will you not allow me this most singular indulgence?❞
❝May I untie my breeches, My Lady?❞
❝Gods,❞ he mutters against your mound. ❝You're so beautiful. Mm, and delicious.❞
❝I did not need even touch myself to finish at your hand.❞
❝In truth, I would very much like…❞ (...) ❝For us to begin sharing all our meals together. To walk together, when you choose to on the beach. To ride together.❞
❝But I do not burn for her. Not as I do you. You fill my every waking fucking thought now. All I wish is to be near to you. To touch you. To hear your voice.❞
❝Was it fair to her when I had my face shoved between your thighs as you finished upon my tongue?❞
❝I don’t want to lose you,❞ he whispers. ❝When I’ve only just found you. When I am with you, I don’t feel so afraid anymore. Please…please don’t take yourself from me. Please.❞
❝We’ve fondness, but a fire does not rage within me when I’m near her as it does for you. A fire I am desperate to keep fanning the flames of. Because if it were to burn out—now—I know not what I would do.❞
❝When I am with you, I feel fearless. Not a coddled princeling. Not some royal betrothed where everything must be prim and proper. I feel… I feel alive. I have the attentions of a woman grown, and I would be remiss to shirk them out of the sake of propriety.❞
❝It is why I ask you—if you can find it within yourself to consent—to let me have you, at least in private. Let us live while there is still time for it.❞
❝I mean for us to share more than just meals and walks together, you know?❞ (...) ❝Such as my bed, and yours. Perhaps baths. The rug before my hearth. The dining table chairs. The windowsill. My settee…❞
❝Only for you, my little dragonseed,❞ he replies, kissing you tenderly. ❝You see: I can be quite generous.❞
❝I deign we shall need moontea in large supply.❞
❝If you wish to quiet my tongue, you will need to find other uses for it, then, my sweet.❞
❝I want you…to be the first.❞
❝I want for you to… Tell me what to do. Use me for your pleasure. Please.❞
❝Command me.❞
❝Gods, I want to touch you.❞
❝Yes, mistress.❞
❝Let me instead. Please, I beg of you. Let me tend to your needs.❞
❝Do I have your permission?❞
❝Thank you, Y/N. For making my first…❞ He trails off for a moment. ❝For being my first, and for making it perfect.❞
❝I wish to be inside of you.❞
❝Do whatever you need, My Lady. Manipulate me how you must to pleasure yourself.❞ (...) ❝I am at your complete disposal.❞
❝I want to be sore and wanting for you, but not be allowed to do more than watch.❞
❝Please, my darling love, please let me tend to you.❞
❝I think I’d like to spill myself inside of you. Then clean the mess I’ve made after.❞
❝I know. It’s wretched. The things I beg for from you. But you’ve at me at your utter mercy.❞
❝I exist now to serve you in whatever way may please you.❞
❝I know. I’m unworthy, aren’t I? Of having you, my lady.❞
❝The Gods brought us together.❞
❝You lighten the load.❞
❝I love you.❞
❝I would not be here at all, were it not for you.❞
❝I burned how many ships, all because one dared launch a scorpion bolt at you? And just like you, it felt like the right thing to do, because I was protecting that which I love.❞
❝Let us be together—the way we are meant to be.❞
❝I’m begging you. You’re all I want. I can’t do it without you.❞
❝You’ve changed everything, and for the better. I love you.❞
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vrisrezis · 1 year ago
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Atsv characters taking care of s/o in pain
Fun fact I deal with physical pain a lot bcuz my health is shit. I have been in so much pain I couldn’t even sleep for the last 2 days. Was especially bad today so here’s smth kinda self indulgent.
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(Hc portion)
Gwen is insistent on having miguel or jessica check you out to see if they could possibly ease your pain. Miguel is from the future technically, there has to be something. She hates the idea of you being in so much pain you can’t even lie down comfortably, you can’t sit still, you can’t sleep, or even worse if you start crying? She feels awful. She has heating packs to help you ease your pain if it helps, and she keeps you on a strict schedule with taking medication so that your pain is as limited as possible. She does everything she can for you, especially given the lack of knowledge she has on this typa thing.
(Small fic portion)
“I hate seeing you like this” she sighs, kissing you on the forehead, pressing the big heating pack to your stomach. There is instant relief, even if that relief is short lived and your once again reminded of your pain, she still feels you relax. Even if only slightly. “I’m sorry I can’t do more for you.” she frowns, feeling guilt.
“Nonsense” you say, giving her a weak smile, putting a hand on her cheek. She puts her hand on yours, holding it in place on her cheek. “You being here is enough for me. You did everything you could. This is just… how it is, yknow?”
She sighs, taking your hand off her cheek so she can kiss your knuckles. “But it shouldn’t be. You shouldn’t have to deal with this. I wish I could just take this pain away from you.” she presses her forehead against yours, and for a moment, even if it was brief, you feel peace.
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(Hc portion)
Miles is so unsure how he can help you but damn if he isn’t determined as fuck to help ease your pain even if only slightly. He is extremely sympathetic towards you. He genuinely cannot imagine how it must be to constantly go through pain to the point you can’t even get proper rest. He will try to get you to relax your muscles, which can be difficult granted the pain you’re in, but he knows if he’s able to succeed with that you can at least get some sleep. Back massages or even massaging the places that hurt, he’s all on it. Always has medicine with him, might even ask his mom to watch over you for him while he’s gone doing Spiderman stuff, even if just to check on you.
(Short fic portion)
“You didn’t have to do this miles,” you say, chugging down your third dose of ibuprofen today. “Thank you though.” you say, before lying back down.
“Of course I had to do this for you babe!” he says with a roll of his eyes, annoyed you’d even suggest he didn’t have to help you out. “If I can’t be here for you in your time of need, what’s the point in being your boyfriend, your best friend for that matter.” he continues to speak as he lies down next to you. “Roll over.” he commands, which you aren’t quite used to him doing. He’s been acting rather motherly towards you lately, but you can’t exactly blame him with the state you’ve been in.
You follow his orders and do so, and he begins to message your back, and you audibly sigh without meaning to. He laughs as a result, making you laugh too. “Shut up.” you roll your eyes, and he can’t help but laugh even more. “Hey I’m glad you’re just finally relaxing.” he says before kissing the back of your neck.
Somehow you’re boyfriend always knows how to make your agonizing pain a bit more bearable.
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(Hc portion)
My man hobie somehow manages to get his hands on morphine. You will not be dealing with this pain on his watch, he will find a way. High key hates the fact you’re going through this and does everything he can to ease it or prevent it. Might talk to you about random shit, about his day or about other people or crazy shit that happened, anything as a means to distract you. Though this can prove to be difficult, hobie has a relaxing voice and he’s able to soothe you no matter how bad your pain is. Might sing ya to sleep with his lovely voice.
(Small fic portion)
Your quiet as you listen to hobie hum. While his music tastes consisted of punk (obviously) he was a bit of a metal head as well, and it’s not that you didn’t like that genre of music but it was far from relaxing. So you had calmly asked hobie if he could please sing something that wasn’t so intense.
Soft shit was not his thing but if it eased your pain, who is he to complain?
He had his arms around you, your head on his chest and you felt it rumble as he quietly sang to you.
“Cariño, eres un amor”
“Something about you babe.”
“Something about you babe”
he finally finishes, and you smile for the first time today.
“Thank you, hobie.” you whisper, and he kisses the crown of your head. “Anytime hun”
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(Hc portion)
Pavitr feels terrible omg bless this boy he does everything he can. Buys you a lot of fattening foods as tribute. He knows he shouldn’t make it a habit especially if you’re pain is like constant and happens a lot but he cannot help himself. His baby should not be in pain! Sometimes kisses the spots your in pain and likes to rub the spots in an attempt to soothe you and your pain. Buys a lot of medicine and pain relief creams. May try to distract you with watching movies and stuff, but also will straight up ask you if there’s any other way he can help you. Definitely makes you peppermint tea to help ease your pain.
(Small fic portion)
You drink the last of your tea, placing the empty cup on your end table and lay all the way back next to your boyfriend. He offers to put the cup in your sink and clean it, but you shake your head. “It’s fine I can do it tomorrow.” you say, before resting your cheek on his shoulder, “besides I want you here with me.” you admit, and he smiles at your little confession before wrapping is arms around you in an embrace. “Aww babe!” he says, before smooching you on the cheek with an annoyingly loud, “mwah!”
you laugh as he attempts to kiss you more all over your face, putting your hand on his face and pushing him in an attempt to get him to stop smothering you. “Baby cut it out!” you laugh, “why? I just wanna love youuuu!” he whines, and you giggle, “because I’m trying to watch the movie!”
Your boyfriend sighs before conceding. “Fine.” he says, and you finally turn back to watch the movie.
“Just kidding!” he says quickly, attacking your neck with little kisses this time, making you laugh even harder than before. “Oh babe Cmon!”
He’s just glad he succeeded in distracting you from your pain, for a little while.
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holylulusworld · 6 months ago
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Come to heaven
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Title: Come to heaven
Written for @buckybarnesbingo (Round 6)
Card: B004
Square Filled: K5: handle with care
Ship/Main Pairing: Mobster!Bucky Barnes x Ex!Reader
Rating: Mature
Major Tags/Triggers/Warnings: angst, jealousy, ex! sugar babe trope, drunkness, fluff, hopeful ending
Summary: Making amends is hard.
A/N: Lyrics in Italics taken from Bruno Mars' "Locked Out of Heaven"
Word Count: 1,7k+
BBB BuckyBarnesBingo 2024 masterlist
Catch up here: Go to hell
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Written in reader’s PoV
Bucky tries to slip his hand into your panties, but you wrap your hand around his wrist to stop him. This is how he always made you compliant and stopped any argument.
“No! Not this time.”
“No?” He sounds surprised. Of course, he’s surprised. You always gave in and let him seduce you. Pleasure and having his attention, even for a fleeting time, was better than thinking about the future, or your non-existent relationship.
“No!” You stiffen in his arms. “Let go of me. I won’t let you do this to me all over again. It’s always the same. You stop me from speaking my mind with your lips, hands, or cock. I’m done being a sexual object, a toy you can play with to you.”
“Doll, I…” Bucky reluctantly releases you from his embrace. He steps away to watch you turn around. “What do you mean?”
“This,” you press your hand to your heart, “was yours. I admitted my feelings and waited for you to at least tell me that I mean a little more to you than a set of holes you can fill. But…” you sniffle but put a brave face on, “you couldn’t even give me that.”
“So, you want to go back to that old man and his limp dick?” He scoffs in an attempt to hide the hurt.
“Even if I’m not in love with him, I know exactly what he wants from me. He won’t make promises of keeping me safe and happy only to turn his back on me the moment I tell him that I love him. With him, I know what I’ll get.”
You try to sidestep Bucky, but he blocks your path. “That’s it? You’ll leave me for that man without giving me the chance to make things up to you.”
“James,” you gently cup his face and look him in the eyes. “You can’t make things up to me with gifts or sex this time. I asked you if you can imagine having a relationship with me. You gave me your answer. It’s my turn to tell you that what you have to offer is not enough.”
“Not enough?” He’s confused. “But I…”
“Money and shiny things cannot replace what you are unwilling to give,” you give him a sad smile. “As much as I enjoyed our time together, it’s over. We both knew it’d end like this. This kind of arrangement is meant to end sooner or later. There is nothing we can do about it.”
You press your lips to his scruffy chin, ending what began as a passionate one-night stand with a soft kiss. “Goodbye, James. I hope, one day, you’ll find something worth being more than…” Your voice cracks and you drop your hands from his face.
“Y/N,” he tries to grab your hand but you step away the moment his fingertips brush your skin. If you give in to him now, you’re doomed to repeat history. “Wait, I can try to be better.”
You give him a weak smile. “No, you won’t, James. You never had to try, and that’s the problem. Your good looks and reputation made everything so much easier for you than for other men.”
He allows you to leave, watching you go to join your companion for the rest of the night. Bucky will sulk in a corner, drinking too much while wishing you’d stayed by his side instead of laughing about the things the old man by your side says.
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Bucky is close to losing his patience. He’d hoped scaring the man you chose over him would be enough. Much to his chagrin, your companion from last night is rather amused about Bucky’s presence.
Erik Lehnsherr lived long enough to fear nothing. Not that he ever feared anything else than his own mortality. But at his age, even that fear faded a long time ago.
“I don’t understand why you are here, Mr. Barnes,” Erik leans back in his chair, an amused smirk on his lips. “Do we have business to do? I don’t think so. I’m old, not forgetful.”
“If you release Y/N out of her contract with you, I’ll pay you any sum,” Bucky tries to get you out of your sugar girl arrangement with the old creep.
“A contract?” He quirks a brow. “The lovely lady accompanying me last night came with me to make sure I’m not alone. We don’t have an arrangement. She’s just a lovely young woman spending time with me to help me with my paperwork.”
“Paperwork?” Bucky eyes his concurrent warily. He’s a master at reading people and finding lies behind a friendly smile. “She’s your employee?”
“A freelancer, the young people call it these days,” Erik holds back a chuckle.
When you offered to join him at the party, you told him everything that happened with James Buchanan Barnes. The man breaking your heart. Erik promised he’d do anything to make the fool let you go see that he made a grave mistake.
“I’m old, not someone creeping on young women,” he adds after a long pause. “I had my fair share of lovely ladies and gentlemen when I was younger.” Erik eyes Bucky up and down. “You’d be on top of my list if only I was thirty years younger.”
Bucky backpaddles. He eyes Erik warily before clearing his throat.
”What exactly is Y/N doing for you?”
“I already told you that she does my paperwork. I believed I was the old man here. Maybe you should get your memory checked, young man,” Erik chuckles. “If you’d excuse me now. I’m waiting for a massage therapist. A pretty boy getting this old man going…”
‘Old creep’, Bucky thinks to himself before leaving without saying goodbye. “At least he doesn’t creep on Y/N. That’s a pro.”
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Bucky drove to his best friend to release some steam. He told Steve everything about you and the stunt you pulled to make him jealous.
“She tricked you,” Steve can’t help but laugh. “Man, you’ve got yourself a smart little cookie. I bet she tried to wrap you around her finger.”
“I fell for her lie so easily,” Bucky huffs. “I believed she’s riding that creep’s dick. Now I know, she put on a show to get my attention, not to rub it under my nose. My sweet doll is missing me.”
“Well, if she’s your sweet doll try to treat her better. She deserves someone to take good care of her.”
“Steve—”
“No, Buck. You need to handle her with care,” Steve won’t let his friend get away with a false excuse. “Y/N got hurt by you once, Buck. I don’t want you to make the same mistake twice.”
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You walk a little faster to outrun Bucky. He’s following you around town, a bouquet of roses in his hands.
He tried to convince you to move in with him, promising the world to you.
“Go away,” you huff. “I don’t know what kind of game you are playing, but I won’t participate. Just leave me alone.”
“You know that you can’t run away from me in those shoes, right?” Bucky smirks when you stop in your tracks to look at the colorful thongs you’re wearing. “I never understood how you can walk in these…”
“I like to feel the sunshine and air on my feet,” you point out. “Not everyone wants to run around in polished leather shoes all the time.”
“Ouch,” he snickers. “Come on, baby doll. Let’s have lunch together. Give me the chance to show you that I can change.”
“Bucky,” you sigh. “You don’t get that I can’t go back to what we had.”
“Y/N,” he drops the roses to cup your face. “I don’t want to go back to what we had. Baby doll, let your Bucky treat you like a queen.”
“I don’t want you to treat me like a queen,” you wrap your hands around his wrists to pull his hands off of your face, “only like someone you respect and love. I want you to treat me like your girlfriend. But you can’t give me that.”
“Baby…”
You look on the ground. “Please pick the roses up and give them to someone who wants to become your next sugar babe. I’m out of this for good.”
Again, you walk away. You’re holding your head high and ignore the ache in your heart as you leave Bucky behind.
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'Cause you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven For too long, for too long Yeah, you make me feel like I've been locked out of heaven For too long, for too long, oh-oh, oh-oh-oh Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (ooh) Oh, yeah, yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (ooh) You bring me to my knees, you make me testify (ooh) You can make a sinner change his ways (ooh) Open up your gates 'cause I can't wait to see the light (ooh) And right there is where I wanna stay (ooh)
“What the fuck!” You yell out of your window. Bucky parked his car in front of your apartment complex. He’s singing along to a song, begging you to take him back. “It’s 2 am Bucky! What is wrong with you?”
He turns the volume down and kills the engine before waving at you.
“Baby doll,” he slurs. “I came here to bring you home. ‘m missing you, doll…Please come home.”
“SHUT UP!” one of your neighbors yells out of their window. “Do you know how late it is?”
“It’s 2 am,” Bucky yells back. “Stop yelling so loud. You’ll wake the neighbors!”
“BUCKY! Stop being so loud!”
“Baby…can I come up and cuddle you?” He grins dopily when you slam the window shut. “She loves me!”
“SHUT UP!” Your neighbor yells.
“Shut up!” Bucky yells back. “OH…there you are…” He stumbles toward the door when you get out. “BABY DOLL!”
“Bucky,” you hiss and grab his hand. “Stop yelling and come with me.”
“You look pretty in your pajamas,” he purrs your name and wraps himself around you. Bucky nuzzles his face in your neck and sighs. “Without you, I’m in hell, doll. Forget about that old creep and go for Bucky.” He mutters against you.
You sigh deeply. “Fine, come with me to heaven. You can bunker on my couch. In the morning, we will talk about impulse control and not yelling in the middle of the night.”
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Tags in reblog.
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tkwrites · 8 months ago
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I'll Be Proud For You - Quinn Hughes x ofc
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Photo from Pinterest via Bauer Hockey
Title: I’ll Be Proud For You - Quinn Hughes x ofc
Author: Tory / @tkwrites 
Relationship: Quinn Hughes x Sarah Roberts (OFC) 
Summary: When an opportunity for Quinn to meet her uncle arrives, Sarah jumps at the chance, and they attend a St. Patrick's Day party at her uncle's house on Salt Spring Island. On the ferry ride back home, Sarah finally explains why she had to be close to family after her mothers death, necessitating her move to Vancouver. 
Warnings: Mentions of depression, grief, and meeting new family. Talks of suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation. No attempts or methods are described or discussed. 
Word Count: 5,600
Comments: I’ve been working on this fic for a long time. In many ways, it's extremely self-indulgent. I loved writing the banter between Sarah and her uncle Travis, and it was very healing for me to write about Sarah’s experiences after her mothers death. 
Sarah’s experiences are very similar to the experiences I had after losing my father. My dad died three years ago in September, and I have not experienced any kind of suicidal ideation for over a year and a half. While I was in the thick of it, it felt like I was always going to be stuck in that darkness. The other side of that chasm is so beautiful and so worth the work it took to get here. 
I was very lucky that I already had a therapist who could refer me to a specialist and friends and family who cared very deeply about me and my mental well-being. Seeing a psychiatrist to get on medication was one of the best decisions I ever made.
If you are having or have thoughts like these in the future, please, please talk to a friend and a professional to get help. The world is such a better place with you in it. xx
I’ll Be Proud For You 
A Quinn & Sarah Snapshot
Sarah grabbed Quinn's wrist as he walked toward the kitchen. “Do you have plans for St. Patrick's Day?” 
“I think Garly's having a party. Why?” 
“My uncle Travis always hosts a dinner party since we’re Irish, and I wondered if you wanted to come with me.” 
“Sure.” 
A smile took over her whole face, and he was instantly glad he agreed. 
Internally, though, his heart was racing. Her uncle was the closest family she had nearby. When she first moved to the city, she'd lived with him for a year. She still went to his house at least two Sundays a month. Quinn knew they were close.
At least he had a while to mentally prepare. 
“It’s a bit of a drive - they live on Saltspring, so we have to take the ferry.”
“Just means I get to spend more time with you,” he said with a shrug. “Plus, I like it over there.”
Her smile got bigger, and he swore his knees got a little weak. God, what wouldn’t he do for that smile?
“Is there anything I should do to prepare?” he asked, sitting next to her.
“Just wear something green. And don't wear anything that says 'Kiss me, I'm Irish' unless you actually want to be kissed.”
“Wouldn't mind being kissed by you,” he said with a wink. 
Laughing, she leaned over and obliged. 
He instantly wished they weren't at the dining room table so he could lay her out and kiss her like he meant it. 
A few minutes later, the nagging feeling of neglecting her studying won out, and Sarah pulled away. “I'm sorry,” she said, pulling her bottom lip into her mouth, “I really need to finish this. Give me thirty minutes?” 
“Then you're mine for the night?” 
She nodded. 
“Okay.” He kissed her forehead and wandered to the kitchen to make dinner. 
As she left school for the aquarium the next day, Sarah called her uncle Travis.
“Hey, Sar, how are you doing?” 
“Good. How are you, Trav?” 
“Great. Samson started crawling on Tuesday.”
“What? No.”
“Yep.” 
“I refuse to believe he’s crawling already.” 
“I know. It’s the worst. What’s up?” 
“I just wanted to let you know I'm bringing someone with me on Sunday.”
“One of your roommates?”
“No, someone I'm seeing.”
He actually seemed to choke on whatever he was drinking and coughed a few times before asking, “I'm sorry, what?”
“We've been going out for a while, and I want him to meet everyone.”
“How long is a while?” 
“Two and a half months.” 
“And you were going to tell us when?”
“I was waiting to see how serious it would be.”
“And it's serious?”
“I think it’s headed that way. I want to see what you think of him.” 
“What's his name?”
“Quinn.” 
“How did you meet?”
“At the aquarium,” she said,  “he asked me out to lunch, and we've been dating ever since.” 
“He lives in the city?” 
“Yeah.” 
“Is there anything I should know about him?” 
“Just that I really like him. Please promise you won't embarrass me.”
“No can do. That's what uncles are for, but I can promise I won't pull out your baby pictures.”
“You don't even have my baby pictures.”
“Precisely. Otherwise, I probably would.”
Rolling her eyes, she asked what she could bring to dinner. After deciding she would bring the soda bread and butter, they hung up, and she sent the plan to Quinn.  
Great. When should I pick you up?
I'm driving, so I'll come get you. 
You have a car? 
Technically, it's my uncles, but I haven't driven in forever, so I’m calling transportation on this one.
He laughed. Tocc canceled practice tomorrow so we can leave whenever. 
I'll pick you up at 1 then? 
What time is dinner? 
5, but the drive over is 2 and a half hours, and I like to be there a little early to help out. 
“Why does your uncle keep a car here?” Quinn asked as he buckled his seatbelt.
“I have parking included with my apartment, so it just made sense. I drop it off at the Ferry terminal once or twice a month for Trev when he has to come to the mainland for work.” 
“I didn’t know that. Let me know next time and I’ll give you a ride home.” 
She shot a grateful smile at him before looking back to the road.
It was a strange thing for Quinn to be a passenger. He was usually the one driving, and rarely got the chance to watch her for such a long period of time uninterrupted.
He was taken with her. With the constellation of freckles on her cheeks and the button of her nose, and the round swell of her bottom lip. He wondered if anyone would notice if they just made out on the ferry ride over. She didn’t have tinted windows. Probably not the best idea.
She was wearing the same green dress she’d worn when Brady came to town. It still looked beautiful and soft, and he still couldn’t stop the fantasies of stripping it off her from clouding his mind. 
“How was your morning?”
“Fine.” he scrubbed his hands over his face, “It’s nice to have a day off.” 
“I bet,” she said, reaching over to entwine her fingers with his. 
They held hands until they hit traffic and she had to get back to the gear shift.
He’d never driven a manual transmission, and he was impressed by her seamless shifting, despite the fact that she was a bit of a terrifying driver. He found himself reaching for the door handle more than once as she weaved in and out of traffic and went a little too fast for his liking.
“How was your day?” he asked to distract himself.
“Good. I did some reading and finished up some assignments I’d put off from earlier in the week.” 
“I didn’t know you were capable of putting things off,” he teased. 
She snorted and threw him a sarcastic look. 
“You’re so organized, I didn’t think you could.”
Quinn had seen her planner once. It was the size of a college notebook with a column for every day of the week. Each of her classes was assigned a different color, and every day was an organized riot: hours blocked for class, work, assignments, tests, and readings to be completed. He didn’t know how she got it all done. He was exhausted just reading it. Then, he’d smiled when he realized he was there. She had all his games and their plans and dates written in sparkly blue ink. 
“I still miss things. Sunday is my catchup day,” she explained. “Usually, I sleep in and do my homework on the ferry over and back, but I wanted to have it done early so I could spend the time with you.”
“It would have been okay,” he said. 
The smile she gave him made his heart patter against his lungs. That, along with a stop so sudden, the seatbelt engaged to snap him back, made it a little hard to breathe. 
“Thank you, but I would rather spend this time with you.” 
His heart warmed at the gesture, and her willingness to give up her one morning to sleep in to spend time with him.
Once on the ferry, they stayed in the car and talked instead of going up on deck. He told her about practice and trying to push aside his nerves about making the playoffs, “Everyone keeps talking about it like it’s a guarantee.” 
“Well, you are second in the league.”
“Yeah, but so much could change. I don’t want to get my hopes up, and the media asks about it practically every day. I’m getting so tired of telling them, ‘that’s what we’re aiming for, and we have a group that can get there.’” He threw his voice into a self-depricating, exaggerated version of itself. 
Despite her attempt to stifle it down, a giggle spilled out of her mouth. “I think they’re probably asking because it’s going to happen.” 
“We don’t know that. Demmer’s out, and we haven’t been doing great…” he trailed off. 
“You’re still first in the Pacific by almost 10 points, Quinn. Can’t you celebrate that for a minute?” 
He sighed, “it’s just… so much can change in a month, and I don’t want to be the guy who talks about how good it will be to play in the playoffs only to have his team not make it. I’d be a laughing stock on the internet for the rest of time and a lesson to all other captains to not jinx it.”
“I’d never considered it that way.” 
He made a noise of ascent in his throat. 
“You can celebrate it with me, though, right?” she asked, lacing their fingers together.
Quinn wanted to agree, he really did, but the superstitious part of his mind went to war against it. The result was a kind of half-hearted grimace.
Laughter burst from her. “Fine, fine. You don’t have to talk about it. I’ll just be proud for you,” she said, bringing his hand to her mouth so she could kiss his knuckles. 
His stomach did a jerking little jig, and a real smile spread over his face. 
Eventually, their conversation turned to her uncle. 
“Trav is a sound engineer, and he toured with Brooks & Dunn for a long time. He moved to Vancouver because he said it’s the most beautiful city he’s been to.” 
“I would agree with that,” Quinn said. 
“Now he stays at home with their kids. Trevor is a copyright lawyer.”
“Oh, your uncle’s gay,” he said with a spark of understanding. 
“Is that a problem?” Sarah asked, raising her brows. 
“No, of course not. I was just confused. You mentioned Trav and Trev, and I wasn’t sure if I was hearing his name wrong or what.” 
When they pulled off the ferry, Sarah turned onto a small two lane road, running away from town. It didn’t look like anything was out here except forest and pebble beaches. 
Sarah had an incredible inherent sense of direction - the kind he had to rely on his phone GPS for - so he knew they weren’t lost, but he couldn’t see anything that looked remotely like civilization.
When they turned onto a small driveway tucked right into the woods, drove up a hill, and pulled in front of a home that looked more like a cabin than a house, Quinn wasn’t too shocked. 
“What a view,” he said as they got out of the car. 
Despite the drizzly weather, the horizon was still stunning. The gray blue water of the Salish Sea seemed to melt into the rolling, gray clouds, making them indistinguishable except where pine covered islands rose out of the water, vibrantly green against all the neutral colors. The city skyline cut a dark, jagged edge across the water. If the commute wasn’t so long, he would live out here, too.
“I know, right?” she said, picking up a tote bag and taking his hand to lead him up to the front door.
“Hey Trav,” she said, embracing him as soon as the door was opened. “Trav, this is Quinn. Quinn, this is my uncle Travis,” she introduced when they broke apart
Other than the fact that he had her same bright blue eyes, her uncle didn’t look anything like he’d expected. Quinn had braced himself to meet a middle-aged man who was around his dads age. Instead, Travis looked no more than ten years older than Sarah. The oldest looking thing about him was his gray hair, which was casually swept back in that effortless way Quinn’s hair could never quite manage. He wore jeans and a green band t-shirt without socks or shoes. His toenails and fingernails were painted various shades of green. 
 “It's nice to meet you, sir,” Quinn said as they shook hands. If he wasn’t so used to seeing it, he would have missed the way Travis’s eyes widened slightly in recognition.
“Just call me Travis,” he said with a snort, trying to cover his shock. “No one has ever called me, sir in my life. Come on in.”
Trying to catch her eye as they passed, Travis wondered how, when he’d asked if there was anything he should know about this guy she was bringing, Sarah didn’t think the fact that he was Quinn Hughes was something he ought to know. She didn’t notice, and he dropped it before Quinn did.
“Beara!” a little girl yelled as she ran toward them. “Beara! Beara!”  She had curly pigtails, each tied with a green bow that flopped as she ran. 
“Sawyer!” Sarah caught her before they collided, picking her up and swinging her around. “I missed you,” she said, pulling the little girl against her chest. 
Putting her hands on Sarah’s cheeks, she said, “missed you more.” 
When she noticed Quinn, she turned her face away from him and put her thumb in her mouth, suddenly shy.
“Sawyer, this is my friend, Quinn,” she said, turning so they could make eye contact. 
“Hi, Sawyer,” he said. “I like your ribbons.” 
She smiled around her thumb at him. She had those same bright blue eyes, though they were slightly wider than Travis or Sarah’s. 
“What do you say to that?” her father coached gently.
“Thank you.” she didn’t take her thumb out of her mouth when she said it, so it was a little garbled, but he got the idea.
Sarah set her down, and she ran back to the kitchen, squealing when Travis chased her down the hallway. 
“Beara?” Quinn asked, humor in his eyes as she took his hand, following after them.
“My whole life, my nickname has been Sar Bear. When she was younger, Sawyer had a hard time saying her S’s, so she started calling me Beara instead of Sarah, and it just kind of stuck.” 
He snorted, “oh god, the guys are going to have a heyday with that.” 
“With what?” 
“You know how they call me Huggy Bear sometimes?”
She nodded. 
“Huggy Bear and Sar Bear?” He snorted, “I mean, come on.” 
The house, while rustic on the outside, was homey on the inside. Neutral gray walls and a modern, light kitchen. It seemed the whole back half of the house was made of glass, giving a perfect view into the misty forest. It was beautiful, but Quinn wasn’t sure he’d want to be here at night to see what came out of those woods.
Sarah was laughing as she entered the kitchen, hand in hand with Quinn. The shock of Quinn Hughes being in his house, of Quinn Hughes dating his niece, who had always been more of a little sister to him, still had him reeling. 
Even through that startling revelation, Travis wasn’t sure if he’d ever seen her so relaxed and happy since her parents died. The protective part of him held himself back from reading too much into it. The last thing Sarah needed in her life was more heartache.
“Quinn, this is my uncle Trevor.” 
“It’s nice to meet you. I’d shake your hand, but I’m a little busy,” he said, gesturing to the meat he was fishing out of a marinade. “I hope you like beef stew.” 
“Sounds great.” 
“And this,” Sarah picked a pudgy little boy up from his high chair, “is Samson.” 
Quinn held a hand out to the little boy, who wrapped his tiny fingers around one of Quinn’s as he smiled and babbled. Samson looked more like Trevor. He had dark curly hair, dark eyes, and smooth olive skin. Quinn wondered if each of them had fathered an embryo for a surrogate. 
“Can I get you a beer?” Travis asked. 
“Sure.” 
“We only have Guinness today.” 
“I wouldn’t expect anything else. It’s the Irish way, right?” 
Laughing, he handed the can off to Quinn before turning to Sarah. “Hey, can you help me find the barley?” 
He knew he was being obvious as he pulled her into the pantry, but he hoped this was a little less obvious than pulling her back into the living room would be. At least he had an excuse for her help this way. 
As he shut the door behind them, he heard Quinn ask, “is there anything I can help with?” 
Travis clicked the light on. They were standing nearly chest to chest in the tiny room, baby Samson squished between them. He didn’t seem to mind as he continued to babble, reaching out for the brightly colored packages. 
“You didn’t tell me you were dating Quinn Hughes!” he hissed. 
“You know who he is?”
“Everyone in this entire province knows who Quinn Hughes is, Sarah.” 
“I didn’t when we met.” 
“That doesn’t surprise me.” 
“Why not?” If she didn’t have a baby in her arms, she would have folded them over her chest. 
“You’re too busy learning stuff to pay attention to things like that. He was all over the news for three weeks when they put him in as Captain this fall. Plus, you only care about football.” 
“I do not. Well, not anymore, at least,” she said, catching Samson’s hand before he could pull a box of pasta off the shelf. “Anyway, why does it matter that he’s Quinn Hughes?” 
“He’s - I mean,” Travis blew a harsh breath out of his nose. “When you said you met at the aquarium, I thought he was some guy who works there, not the captain of the fucking Vancouver Canucks!”
“He's just a guy, Trav. He just happens to play hockey for a living.” 
His mouth opened and closed as he seemed to realize he couldn't argue against that point. “He’s a pro athlete, Sarah.” 
“So?”
“So, they’re gone all the time, and the money fucks with their heads and pretty soon they’re all cheating on their partners.”
One of her eyebrows arched up, “do you only watch reality TV, or do you sometimes deviate to Lifetime?” 
Despite himself, he laughed. “I just mean,” he paused, glancing down at his green fingernails. Sawyer had insisted on painting them and pulled out every shade of green polish in the house, determined to use them all. “I don’t want you to get hurt. He treats you well?” 
“Yes. Very well. I wouldn’t keep dating him or bring him to meet you if he didn’t. He's actually the best guy I've ever dated,” she added. 
Travis's eyebrows shot into his gray hairline. 
“Just spend some time with him. You'll see. He’s really thoughtful and nice.” 
“Okay, but I’m having a talk with him by the end of the night.” 
“No.”
“Listen, I just need to make sure he’s good enough for you.” 
“Don’t you think that’s something I can decide for myself?” 
“I’m just going to have a chat with him, man to man. You’re the one that wanted to know what I think of him,” he said. “It's happening whether you like it or not. I'm just letting you know.” 
She rolled her eyes. “Fine, but don’t embarrass me. And none of that asking for permission bullshit. I'm not a possession.”
“Dont insult me,” Travis chided, smiling, loving seeing pieces of his oldest sister in Sarah. He was glad Becky had instilled those same, strong feminist values in her children. “Of course he doesn't need permission. I just care about you.”
“Thanks, Trav,” she said, touched. 
He pulled her into a hug, smooshing Samson between them more. He let out a tiny grunt.
“Here, take your baby,” she said, handing him off and grabbing a box of cookies as an alibi as she left. 
If Quinn thought anything was suspicious, he didn't let on, continuing to chop the lettuce Trevor had set him to preparing. 
“Teddy Graham?” Sarah asked, offering the box as she stood next to him at the long island.
“Sure.”
“Hey Sar, we were thinking about coming into the city for your birthday. I have to be in that day for a few meetings, so Trav was going to bring the kids on the ferry. Do you think that would work? We thought we could take you to dinner.” Trevor said, looking up from braising the beef. 
“Yeah, I would like that,” she said with a big smile.
As he walked back into the kitchen, Travis caught Quinn’s wide-eyed expression. 
“When’s your birthday?” he asked, tipping the lettuce into a bowl.
“On April third.” 
He gulped. It was a gesture Travis immediately recognized as a man grappling for a purchase with new information.
 Quinn pulled out his phone and quietly breathed, “we’re in Arizona that day.”
“I know,” Sarah said with a smile that tried but didn’t totally succeed in covering her disappointment. 
Something about it made Travis’ hackles rise. Quinn wasn't actively hurting her, but his lifestyle was.
Quinn saved her birthday in her contact card and put his phone back in his pocket. “I guess we’ll celebrate when I get back.” 
“That would be nice,” she said with a smile that was genuine this time.
Travis got her a can of Guiness, and she wrinkled her nose. “Can I have whiskey?”
“You hate whiskey.” 
“I’d rather it than this tar,” she said, pushing the can back to him. “At least whiskey can be mixed into something palatable.”
“Here here,” Trevor said, laughing. 
Travis mimed pulling a knife out of his chest. “You’ve insulted our ancestors, Sarah.” 
“Listen, the Irish invented a lot of really great things: boycotts, modern chemistry, the stethoscope, the submarine,” she said, counting them off on her fingers.
Quinn gave her a surprised look. 
“I did a presentation on Irish inventions in high school,” she explained, flipping her hands, “the point is, is that their alcohol is not one of them.” 
Travis laughed, taking the can for himself. “You want a ginger highball then?” 
She beamed, “I think you know the answer to that.”
“What is that?” Quinn asked. 
“It’s whiskey and ginger ale. It’s delicious.” 
 
Before other guests arrived, Travis asked Quinn if he'd like to see the vintage shelby Mustang he was restoring.
Quinn agreed and gulped when Trevor asked if Sarah could help him find Sawyer. This was one of those talks. He shoved his hands in his pockets and followed her uncle out to the garage. 
“Listen,” Travis said after they admired the beautiful white car, “Sarah isn't my daughter, but she means a hell of a lot to me, and I want to make sure she’s not going to get hurt. She’s gone through enough heartache already.” 
Taking a moment to gather his thoughts, Quinn licked his lips before responding, “the last thing I want is to cause her more pain. I know she’s been through too much. I don’t know that I can guarantee she’ll never get hurt, but I can say that I would never hurt her intentionally.” 
“Do you think your job will get in the way?” 
“The travel definitely takes a toll. But I really like Sarah, and I think we have a lot of potential.” Times like these, he was glad for all of his media training. Not that this was anything like a press conference, but they did get him used to thinking fast and answering hard questions.
“She’s not really a model NHL girlfriend.” 
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Quinn demanded, barely keeping a glare off of his features. 
“Just that most of your lot date models that don’t have normal jobs and aren’t in school,” Travis said, fighting to keep a smile off of his face. That defensiveness answered a lot of his questions. 
“Yeah, I suppose that’s true,” he agreed, biting down the urge to correct him. Most of his teammates were married to their high school or college sweethearts. “I like that Sarah has her own stuff and that she’s so independent. Before I met her, I dated a girl like you described, and I was always a little worried about what she was doing while I was on the road. I don't ever get that with Sarah.” 
“What do you do on the road?”
“Mostly, I sleep or hang out with the guys. We don't have as much free time as people think.” 
Travis was still looking at him appraisingly over the hood of the car. Had he not been exposed to Sarah’s blue, blue eyes, he would have found her uncles stare incredibly intimidating. 
“Look, Sir - Travis,” he corrected quickly, “I really -” he stopped himself, not wanting to say that to her uncle first. “I really like Sarah, and we really get along. I know it’s not an ideal thing for me to be on the road during the season, but it seems to be working well so far. I want to be with her, and if she’ll let me, I’d like to be in her life for a long time. I just want to make her happy.” 
Travis nodded. “What’s your favorite thing about her?” It was a question his mother-in-law asked him when he met her. It wasn’t until this moment that he realized what a telling question it was. 
“She treats me like a normal person,” Quinn admitted. Even though he knew it made him sound conceited, it was his favorite thing about her. She’d never treated him like anything else than a normal guy. “And she’s interesting and easy to talk to and really respectful to people around her.” 
“Okay,” Travis said, nodding, glad to see Quinn saw the same things he did. “Okay.” His face split into the natural smile he’d given Sarah when he first opened the door. “I can see why she likes you.” 
Despite his attempt to stay cool and collected, Quinn felt a blush splash onto his cheeks as relief relaxed his shoulders.
“I'm not going to say I'll kill you if you hurt her, but just know she has me and Trevor in her corner.” 
Quinn smiled, “I get it. I would want to hurt anyone who hurt her, too.” 
The dinner party was small - no more than 10 people, and only one of them, their friend’s teenage son, Jace, gawked when he walked in to see Quinn in the kitchen. Quinn took it in stride and talked shop with Jace for a while before dinner was served and he took his seat next to Sarah, who had been watching him with a secret, proud kind of smile on her lips.
Halfway through the night, Travis looked over at them to find Quinn watching her as she talked with someone, with this quiet, infatuated look on his face. A few more of his fears were put to rest.
As he stood at the kitchen sink with his niece, drying the pots and pans she was washing by hand, he leaned closer to her, “I can see what you see in him,” he said, conspiratorially. 
“See,” she said, nudging her shoulder into his as she handed him a knife, “I told you.” 
“How did you manage going to school from here for a year?” Quinn asked as they pulled onto the ferry for the ride home. 
“When I lived with them, they lived in the city. They needed to move into a bigger house when Samson was born. By that time, Trevor was working from home most of the time, and I was okay to live with roommates. So, I moved into the apartment I'm in now, and they moved onto the island.”
He waited until the car was parked before asking, “what do you mean you were okay to live with roommates?” 
She pulled in a heavy breath. It was bound to come out eventually. May as well tell him while they had a solid hour and a half boat ride to talk about it. 
“After my mom died, I really struggled.” 
“Wouldn’t anyone?” Quinn asked. 
Sarah pushed the seat back to give her enough room to turn and face him. Her right knee pressed up against the center console. She needed to be looking at him when she said this.
“I mean… I really,” she paused, trying to find the right words. “I remember I flew back to Hawaii a week after the funeral, thinking it was going to be so nice to get back into my routine, but I had this massive gulf in front of me and a literal ocean between me and my family. My roommates were kind of party animals, and they had no idea how to support me, and I had broken up with Kaleo, my boyfriend, before I left because he didn't want anything to do with her funeral or my grief. It felt like no matter where I was, I was just so…alone.” 
It felt like someone was reaching down Quinn's throat and wringing his heart. 
“I called my sister one day - I think I woke her up, which was really shitty because she had a six month old who was teething.” She laughed a little, but there was too much sadness in it for it to be convincing.
“Anyway, I called her crying because I…I started having these really intense thoughts about killing myself.” 
A steep breath stuck in his lungs. He wasn’t totally sure what he thought she would say, but he hadn’t expected that.
“She flew out to be with me, and I moved home two days later. Just packed everything up and left. I didn’t even tell my boss - I was still on FMLA for the funeral, and she had to call me when I didn't show up to work the next Monday.” 
 “Did you ever…” he trailed off, not wanting to say it out loud.
“Attempt?”
He nodded, and Sarah shook her head, “no, but the thought of it was really terrifying. Like, I saw for the first time how someone could get into that headspace where they might take their own life. I just remember ruminating on those thoughts and thinking, ‘I don’t wanna die.’” She pressed the heel of her hand under her eye to catch some of the tears that slipped.
“How did you get out of it?” Perhaps she was just really good at hiding it, but she didn’t seem that depressed in all the time he’d known her. 
“I stayed with my sister for the next nine months. I got on some meds and started seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist, and we talked through what was bringing those thoughts up.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’d already gone through the grief process with my dad, so I knew how awful it was. I never expected to have to go through another big death while I was still single. I thought by the time my mom died, I would have a consistent partner in my life - maybe even a family - and I just kept thinking, ‘I don’t want to do this again.’” 
Quinn wanted to go back in time and make it better. Somehow make sure they met before she was in the city so he could be there for her when it all happened. 
“Anyway, my psychiatrist told me our brains are basically just big problem solvers. You give it a problem, it wants to fix it. So when I kept telling myself, ‘I don’t want to do this again,’ my brain was just coming up with the swiftest solution for me to not have to do it again. When I changed the way I was thinking about it and started giving myself some more grace, those thoughts lessened a lot.” 
God, she was even stronger than he thought. 
“Even with all that stuff, I still really wanted to go to grad school, and my therapist and my psychiatrist agreed that it was best for me to have a goal to work toward, even if it meant moving away from home. I was really scared that if I moved out totally on my own, those feelings would come up again, and no one would be around for me to talk to about them, and I might hurt myself. But I couldn't study the ocean in Nevada. My brother actually suggested UBC and living with Travis. I called him to see what he thought. I hadn't even applied, but I didn't want to if I didn't have a plan for when I got in. I pitched that I could be a nanny of sorts when I wasn't in school. They told me they’d love to have me stay with them. I applied and by some miracle was accepted on the first try, and the rest is history,” she said, shrugging.
“Do you…” he paused, not totally sure how best to ask this. “Do you still think about it?” 
She shook her head, “not much anymore. Every once in a while, it comes back when a big grief marker comes up, or I get really, really stressed or anxious, but the thoughts are always  really fleeting.”
Even though it meant the console was pressing into his stomach, and she was pitched back slightly, Quinn leaned over to gather her against him. “I can’t believe how strong you are.” 
“It’s not like I had any other choice.” 
“Clearly you did,” he said, reluctantly settling back into his seat. 
“I didn’t,” she said, voice quiet but firm. “There was no way I was going to put my family through another death, and like I said, I didn’t want to die. I wanted to not be in pain anymore, and those are very different things.” 
“I just think you should be proud of yourself, that’s all.” 
“I mean, I am proud that I got out of it, and proud that I know how to ask for what I need now, but being strong in the face of death is just something you have to do. There’s no way out but through.”
“Fine,” he said, repeating her action from earlier and bringing her knuckles to his lips, “I’ll be proud for you.” 
Want more Quinn & Sarah? Check out the Snapshots Masterlist
To read all my fics, check out my Fanfiction Masterlist
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strongheartneteyam · 1 year ago
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[ credits of the Neteyam pic go to @cinetrix ]
Champagne Problems 
Part 3
Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader
CW: reader overthinking way too much, trust issues all around, a bunch of angst, interspecies relationship, sexual tension, sexual content, past relationship trauma, commitment issues, reader feeling unlovable, unprotected sex, cowgirl position, exophilia, size kink, creampie, dominant reader, sub neteyam, use of "good boy", slight degradation kink, sex under rain (don't ask lol), territorial and possessive neteyam, neteyam wants to make reader his mate
Hi, my cute readers <3 I haven't posted an actual full smut in a good while lol Took me some time to write this chapter, ngl, but I kinda like the result. I always fantasized about dominating Neteyam so, today I HAD to finally write my fantasies down lol if y'all like the way I write dominant reader x sub neteyam, I can maybe write more smuts like this in the future. Lemme know what you think in the comments. It always makes me happy to read your words of love and encouragement. I love every single one of you. I don't have much to say now because I'm feeling pretty sad and idk... I just wanted to thank y'all for all the support you give me. You guys are truly precious to me. You'll never know how much. Here's a virtual hug to y'all 🥰
Slightly proofread.
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Part 2: I know you're dying to meet me
𓇼
I know you wanna slip under my armor
See, everywhere I go I got a million different people trynna hit it
But I'm still alone in my mind
I know you're dying to meet me
But I can just tell you this
Baby, as soon as you meet me
You'll wish that you never did
Alone (Halsey)
𓇼
Your heart was beating dangerously fast and you could not speak. Neteyam had a power over you, whether you liked admitting it or not. He had you weak in the knees for him as he kept you imprisoned between his tall, broad body and the big tree behind you.
How was he making you so vulnerable? You hadn't felt like that when it came to guys in so long. You feared what that feeling could mean.
Neteyam knelt on the ground so you could look at him without hurting your neck.
"Sevin tawtute…" (pretty human) "I want you so bad. All of you, syulang…" (flower) "I know you want me too. You came and you're here with me. There's no need to play hard to get anymore." 
Fighting against the rational part of your brain, you let your desire for him take over and moved your hand until it touched his chest, your fingers tracing his mesmerizing stripes that were a shade of blue darker than the rest of his skin.
"That's right, tawtute" Neteyam cooed, his breath faltering, your delicate touch giving him a rush of adrenaline, making him want you even more than he already did "Surrender to me."
You kept your hand on his warm chest and looked up at his face with eyes that were obviously bewitched by him as your mouth hanged slighty open. You could not hide what you felt anymore. Neteyam could tell how much you wanted that too, how much your body was calling for him as much as his body called for yours.
Neteyam looked deep inside your eyes with his big golden ones and grabbed you roughly by the waist, his huge hands squeezing you tight. His gaze never left yours. Neteyam kept your bodies together by holding you firmly against him. You felt like the air in your lungs was slipping away. You got even more breathless when he rubbed his hard cock against your pussy, making you give out a breathy, low moan.
His cock was still covered by his loincloth but you could feel it really well as he pressed it over your entrance. The thin fabric didn't do much to conceal his need. God, was he big…. Big is not even the word for it. And thick too. Your juices were leaving you all sticky between the legs.
It started raining. You had always loved when it rained while you were at the beach back on Earth and it was not different here on Pandora. You loved to go inside the Metkayina sea and feel water all around you, coming from below and above. 
It was cold now. You wanted Neteyam's warmth but didn't wanna ask for it. You were cold and his huge na'vi body would help you get warm.
Maybe it wouldn't be that bad if you gave in to him. You were already there, in front of his hammock. You came to meet him, right? So you might as well give him what he wants. Sex. Isn't that what all guys want? The only thing they want? To fuck you and then leave you alone crying, if you're foolish enough to fall for them? At least that's how it had been for you all your life. You weren't even sure if you still believed somebody could ever fall in love with you. Or fall in love and stay. You didn't know. You were shivering with the cool water falling over your skin, giving you goosebumps and it was hard to think straight.
"You're cold, yawntutsyìp." Neteyam looked worried "Come. Let's lay on my hammock together and I'll keep you warm."
You thought twice before accepting it. But you ended up giving in and letting him take you by the hand and lead you to his huge hammock. You looked at it and realized how humongous it was compared to the hammocks that were made for humans. There were some back in the laboratory. 
When the both of you stopped in front of his hammock, you took a good look at Neteyam's body. It was now even sexier with the drops of rain rolling down his toned chest and abdomen. You watched as the droplets fell through his thick thighs too. You had to admit he was fucking hot and you truly understood why he was so popular with girls. But that could also mean he was full of himself. You didn't know him well, you two had seen each other many times before but only from some distance. Neteyam had never talked to you before that night, even though you had noticed him looking at you many times when you had to go do some scientific researches on his tribe and he was around with his siblings. You never paid that much attention to it, though. You were used to guys looking at you. Not to be cocky or anything but you had been called "pretty" all your life and you knew you were attractive to many guys out there. Neteyam was just one of them, even if he stood out among the other na'vi for his uncommon beauty and you did, yes, feel drawn to him.
You watched Neteyam laying down on his hammock, his thick, fleshy thighs spreading over its surface. The stripes all over his thighs caught your attention again. You didn't understand why but you felt extremely attracted to his stripes. They made him exotic, different from what you're used to, unique… Looking at his beautiful dark blue stripes made you wanna bite his thighs.
You looked at him, still nervous but soon enough you gave in and laid next to him, by his side, your body pressing against his. Neteyam rapidly put his arm around your shoulders and, as his arms were huge compared to the ones of a human, his arm covered all of your torso too. You felt a little less cold now.
"You're so tense, tawtute. Relax, hm? Here, lemme make it better." 
Neteyam took your face inside his huge hand, its warmth spreading all over your cheek as he got his mouth close to yours and softly kissed your lips. He took your lips inside his mouth slowly but eagerly and you felt pleasure creeping in all over your pussy. You finally started relaxing and a moan escaped your lips when his tongue touched yours and massaged it softly, over and over. Neteyam took that as a green flag that meant he could be bolder now.
He started to hike up your light violet dress that was soaked by the rain, exposing your thighs to him. Neteyam ran his hand up and down your left thigh "Hmm, tawtute… You're so fucking perfect. Damn, I can't believe you're here in my arms."
"Neteyam?" You said, out of breath
"Yeah?" His eyes were still fixated on your thighs 
"Can I try something?"
"What do you mean?" Neteyam questioned
"I wanna dominate you, Neteyam. I wanna ride your cock." Your eyes were now seductive as you stared at him, your expression serious but alluring
Neteyam was caught by surprise. He did not expect you to say those words. But it did not mean he didn't like hearing them.
"Ah, baby… That's how I wanna see you. I wanna see you showing me your wild side. Wanna see my tawtute let go of her worries and just enjoy this night with me." a smile full of satisfaction adorned his beautiful full lips
You knew that meant he wanted to be dominated by you. 
As you started taking your dress off, Neteyam's eyes were glued on your body. He wanted to feel every inch of you. He was in love with every single part of your body.
Neteyam watched you slid your panties down your legs and sit on top of him. You started rubbing your soaking wet pussy on his hard cock, still covered by his loincloth, and he whimpered at the friction. You didn't care about your worries anymore. All you wanted was to feel that huge, delicious cock inside of you.
"You're gonna have to take this off for me. I have no idea how to take your loincloth off. Seems complicated to put on." Your fingers grabbed the string of his loincloth and you were smiling and looking at him
He smiled widely, a dirty look on his face "That shouldn't be a problem. Give me a second, syulang."
Neteyam took his loincloth off with ease as he was more than used to putting it on and taking it off every single day. You thought the way he did that was so fucking enticing. Damn, every single thing that alien boy did was attractive in your eyes.
Once his cock was out and it moved back, towards his abdomen, you felt something primal coming over you. You wasted no time. In a second you were already on top of him, taking his big blue cock inside your small hand and burying it inside of you. Neteyam groaned when he felt your gummy, wet walls squeezing his girthy cock.
"Hmmghh…" You couldn't help but moan because of his size
"I know, tawtute… You feel so fucking good too…" He mewled
Neteyam's cock was so big it reached the tip of your womb every time you rode him. It hurt you but it felt so insanely good at the same time. You knew your pussy would feel bruised and used the next morning but you wanted that. You wanted to spend the whole day being reminded of how Neteyam's huge cock had been deep inside of you.
You could not stop grinding on him. You loved knowing he was so desired by so many girls but tonight he was only yours. That made you feel hot since you knew you were pretty enough to not only get his attention but to make him spend all that time back in the party trying to get you. And he did. He got you good.
Neteyam cupped both your breasts and squeezed them gently
"So fucking soft, oeyä tawtute…" (my human) "Just like I thought they would be."
You put your hands over his four finger hands and kept them there while you kept moving your hips, riding him like that cock was all you ever needed in your life. Your eyes were closed, as your chin was up and your mouth hanged open, pleasure driving you crazy.
"You don't know how hot you look riding me like this with the rain falling over your skin, your hair all wet… Eywa… I'll make you mine, tawtute. I won't let you be with anyone else ever again."
Neteyam's territorial side was showing itself, he felt possessive over you just like you were his mate already. And that's exactly what he wanted you to be. Neteyam wanted to make you his forever. He wanted to own your body and your soul, to own all of you.
Neteyam's desire for you drove him wild. You could see his animalistic side taking over him. And you loved it. You fucking loved it so much. It made your pussy clench around his cock.
"Yeah? You like how I ride this big cock, Neteyam? Did any na'vi girl ever ride you as well as I do?" You kept moving your hips and rubbing your pussy on him simultaneously. It gave you an enormous amount of pleasure since you were stimulating your clit at the same time you were feeling his cock inside of you.
"No, tawtute. You're better than any na'vi girl." He cried in pleasure "I only want your ‘ekxin little pussy from now on." (tight) "Only want you."
You grinned, devilish, and put your hand on his large neck "Who's my good boy?"
Neteyam's eyes were closed and his lips were parted as he was completely taken over by the way you were dominating him. Nobody had ever done that before, it was a new territory to him. He was used to dominating all the na'vi girls he had ever had sex with.
"I am. I am your good boy, yawne."
Damn, you got Neteyam calling you "yawne".
You chuckled "Yeah, you are, pretty boy. You're so good for me."
Riding his huge, thick cock felt like fucking Paradise. You were overcome with sheer lust. Neteyam wasn't the only one who was feeling animalistic. Humans were animals just like the na'vi and at that moment you were following your deepest instincts. You felt like a bitch in heat, all for him.
"Oh, oeyä tawtute… I'm gonna cum. Wanna cum inside your pretty, ‘ekxin pussy."
"Then cum for me, my needy, cocky boy. You're so fucking cocky but you're nothing when you're vulnerable like this under me." You laughed lowly, feeling proud of yourself for making such a mess out of that pretty alien boy
Neteyam came hard inside your pussy, a big load of his thick, warm seed painting your inner walls. It felt so good. Having his cum inside your pussy, feeling a little bit of it leaking out of your entrance because of how much he came… Fuck... your pussy started clenching around him again.
You watched as Neteyam breathed heavily under you, his chest quickly going up and down.
You didn't notice when it had happened but the rain had stopped falling.
Taglist:
@iman-lu
@leaveitbythewave
@neteluvr (you still haven't answered my comment asking if you wanted to be tagged but since u seemed to love the first chapter... teehee 💕)
@layla2-49 (you left a comment on the first chapter 💗)
@jakesullyfatjuicypeen (you left lovely comments on the first chapter haha 💖)
@yeosxxx
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kikyoupdates · 1 month ago
Text
For Tomorrow's Sake ⭑˚💫⭑ 𝑎 𝑏𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑣𝑜𝑤
various!jjk x f!reader
reverse harem, isekai, jujutsu kaisen x fem!reader, slowburn
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You never believed reincarnation was possible, least of all in the fictional world of Jujutsu Kaisen. However, from the moment you meet Gojo Satoru, it’s impossible to deny. Whether it’s a miracle or some kind of curse, you find yourself growing up alongside the strongest jujutsu sorcerer. Unfortunately, you know what the future holds in store. You know exactly what kind of tragedies await. Perhaps that’s why you were brought into this world. If it means saving people from a gruesome fate, you’ll gladly suffer in their place. You’ll do whatever it takes.All for the sake of a better tomorrow.
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When faced with the demands of the strongest sorcerer, your family can’t possibly protest. Well, not that they would have wanted to, anyway. They must be happy they don’t have to deal with you anymore. 
Out of sheer spite, your mother insisted you live with the rest of the clan and be forced into a life of cruelty and discrimination, but even she would never dare defy Gojo Satoru. Besides, her wish has already been fulfilled. You still won’t have a shot at a normal life. Even if you had been given the right to choose for yourself, now that you’ve met Satoru and discovered what world this is, there’s no way you would ever take the easy way out. 
For better or worse, you will be a jujutsu sorcerer. 
True to his word, Satoru was able to convince the Gojo Clan members to let you stay with them. You’re not sure exactly what he told them, but he may as well be their deity. Granted, he’s still only a kid, but in the grand scheme of things, bringing in a single girl to stay at the estate isn’t that big of a deal. It isn’t a difficult request to fulfill. Based on the way everyone turns up their noses at the sight of you, however, you can tell they aren’t too happy about it. 
“No one here will ever hurt you,” Satoru promises. He keeps glancing over at you every few seconds as he leads you through the grounds of the estate—which is massive, might you add. He’s a lot more attentive than you were expecting. The way he’s looking at you makes you feel like you’re a weak, helpless baby bird. Which you might as well be, in all fairness. 
You nod and smile brightly. “Okay. Thank you, Satoru. I’m really happy to be here.” 
“Are your injuries really painful?” he asks with a frown. “We don’t have anyone here that knows how to convert cursed energy into positive energy. But if I try asking, maybe they can reach out to another clan and bring someone over to heal you.” 
“You don’t need to go to the trouble. I’ll be okay.” 
Satoru watches as your grin somehow gets even wider, despite the fact that the bruised, swollen parts of your face must be aching uncontrollably. He’s not sure why you’re always smiling so much. It’s not like you ever had any reason to smile. Not with how horribly your family has always treated you. 
Then again, that’s exactly what drew him in. Your warm, sunny disposition, which is so starkly different from what he’s used to. Even if it doesn’t make much sense, a smile suits you. He likes seeing you smile. 
He’s already decided that he’s going to protect that smile of yours.
You’re given a nice place to stay. Satoru insisted that you live in the same building as him. It’s obvious that he wants to keep you nearby, in case anyone dares to try anything. Although you’re willing to bet that they won’t risk upsetting him. Not when he’s made it clear that you’re off-limits. 
It’s kind of crazy how much power and authority a literal child has. 
Gojo Satoru is in a class of his own. The details of his upbringing were never openly disclosed in the anime or manga, but you know for a fact that he didn’t have anyone he could truly call a close friend. Not until he met Suguru. 
You may be hopelessly weak for now, but if nothing else, you’ll make it so that he never has to feel lonely.
That night, you settle into your big, spacious room. You didn’t bring anything along with you for the move. It’s not like you had any personal belongings to speak of. Certainly nothing valuable, either. Your new room is a bit empty right now, save for a few decorations here and there, but you resolve to brighten it up and make it your own. All in due time. 
Before you tuck in for bed, Satoru stops by. 
“Hi,” he greets, poking his head into the room. “You don’t mind if I come in for a bit, right?” 
“Of course not,” you smile. “Go right ahead.” 
He nods and steps inside. There’s a clan member waiting by the doorway, and they flash you a brief glare before turning their back towards you and sliding the door shut. As expected, you’re far from popular. They probably think you’re just a hindrance, or maybe even a distraction. You’re not sure if they’ll ever change how they feel about you, but it’s definitely better than staying with your own family. 
Besides, as long as Satoru likes you, that’s more than enough. 
“Is this room okay?” he asks, kneeling down onto a cushion. “If you don’t like it, I can get you a different room instead.” 
“It’s perfect,” you reassure. 
“Really? You can be honest. I can tell that you’re the kind of person to hide how you feel because you don’t want to upset anyone else. I already know your dad is the one who beat you, but it didn’t look like you were going to rat him out.” 
“I just didn’t want to stir up even more of a fuss. Besides, seeing other people get hurt won’t make me feel any better. I’m happy enough just to be here. Again, thank you, Satoru. For helping me.”
You sure like to thank him a lot. He’s not really used to being thanked—for anything, really. He’s being trained and brought up as the strongest sorcerer. It’s a given that he’s meant to save and protect those who are weaker than him. But you don’t take any of that for granted. You’re never shy about showing your appreciation. You want him to know how much every one of his gestures means to you. 
He likes that. He likes it a lot. 
“If it’s alright, I’m going to try and go to sleep now,” you say. “I’m pretty tired. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Oh. Did you want to spend the night in my room? Like a sleepover? Would you be allowed to do that?” 
Satoru blinks. The invitation catches him off guard, and he watches as you pat the spot beside you, on your futon, still smiling brightly. 
He turns away in a hurry, cheeks red. 
“I-It’s fine,” he stammers. “I should sleep in my own room. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. It seems like you are, so… I’ll leave now. Goodnight.” 
“Goodnight,” you happily reply, but Satoru is already out the door, nearly tripping over his feet in the process. 
You giggle at the sight. He’s so adorable. You can’t even express how happy you are to be here. The future may look grim, but you’re determined to change it, no matter what it takes. 
That night, you dream of a world where Gojo Satoru is saved. 
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“Satoru. Here, try this. I made yummy rice balls for us to eat. There’s a secret ingredient inside. Can you guess what it is?” 
Satoru reaches out and takes a rice ball into his hands, furrowing his brows as he looks it over. As far as rice balls go, it looks pretty normal. It’s actually rolled up really neatly. He’s surprised you made this yourself. You did a pretty good job. 
“Secret ingredient, huh?” Satoru shrugs. “Sure, I’ll try it.” 
He takes a big bite, and although he’s not really sure what he was expecting, it definitely wasn’t this. 
“Gross!” he exclaims, immediately spitting it out of his mouth and onto the ground. He then proceeds to stare at the inside of the rice ball he just bit into. “Did you… you actually put chocolate inside of this? Disgusting! What’s wrong with you?!”
You frown. “What, you mean you don’t like it? I actually think it’s pretty good. I was sure this combination would be a hit.” 
Satoru watches, horrified, as you bite into your own rice ball, smiling all the while. There might actually be something wrong with you after all. He’s starting to realize that you’re slightly unhinged. 
“Remind me not to eat anything you make ever again,” he shudders. 
“I’ll pick something better next time, don’t worry. Oh! How about this? What do you think of rice balls stuffed with ice cream—” 
“No.”
This is what most of your days look like. It’s been just over a week since you arrived at the Gojo estate. Your injuries have almost fully healed. Also, you’re no longer required to do chores at virtually every waking moment, so whenever Satoru isn’t busy with training, you spend all of your time together.
Satoru has to do a lot of different things. It’s not just honing his jujutsu abilities, day in and day out. He isn’t allowed to slack off when it comes to academics, either. It’s clear that his family intends for him to be perfect in any way possible. They refuse to let him settle for anything other than the best. 
It’s a lot of pressure for a kid. Satoru makes it look easy, but nevertheless, you feel sorry for him. Which is why you always try to make sure that he’s having fun when he’s with you. You want him to have some semblance of a childhood, at the very least. 
Of course, you still can’t grant him the freedom you wish he had. It’s always inevitable that someone gets in the middle of your time together. 
“Master Satoru. It’s time for you to work on your studies.” 
One of his usual attendants comes to pick him up. Satoru clicks his tongue in visible annoyance, but as always, he doesn’t protest. He has a strong sense of duty and purpose. A determination to uphold his responsibilities as the strongest. 
Before he leaves, though, he turns back towards you. 
“I want [Name] to come with me today,” he says. “She can at least sit in the room while I’m doing my work, right?”
The attendant blinks. He’s bewildered, of course, and you’re not sure what else to do but bat your eyes at him with a bright, hopeful expression. You may be weak, but you’d like to think that you’re a pretty cute kid. It’s about time someone developed a soft spot for you. 
“She’ll distract you,” the attendant refuses. He narrows his eyes at you in frustration, so apparently, you’re not that cute.
Satoru pauses for a moment, then grabs you by the hand and pulls you close. 
“I want her there,” he insists, interlocking his fingers with yours. “She’s coming. I’ve already decided.” 
“Master Satoru, you can’t—” 
Too late. It seems like he’s in an awfully stubborn mood today, so for better or worse, you find yourself in the same room as him while he has his lesson. 
It’s a bit awkward. Satoru told you to sit right next to him the whole time, and although he doesn’t allow himself to get distracted, it still feels weird to be sitting in on a private lesson. While the teacher glares at you the whole time, no less. 
“Do you know what the answer to this question is?” the teacher asks, pointing to one of the questions in the textbook Satoru is learning from. 
Satoru chews on the inside of his cheek, deep in thought. “It’s… B. The answer is B.” 
“Sorry. I’m afraid that’s not correct,” the teacher says. She scribbles something down onto a piece of paper. “It’s alright. That was an exceptionally advanced question, so I can’t blame you for—” 
“It’s C.” 
To be honest, you didn’t mean to voice your thoughts aloud. It was a reflexive, absentminded remark. The answer was just so obvious that you ended up blurting it out. 
But now, both Satoru and the teacher are staring at you in bewilderment.
Satoru turns towards the teacher with a frown. “Is she right?” 
“...yes,” the teacher replies, looking somewhat reluctant to do so. “But it was a multiple choice question, so I’m sure it was just luck. Let’s move on to—” 
“[Name], what about the next one?” Satoru asks, pointing towards another spot on the page. “Try answering this one, too.” 
So, you do. You don’t just answer that question, but the next one, and the next one after it, and the next one after that, and so on and so forth. The teacher looks both amazed and horrified. Even Satoru can’t seem to hide how taken aback he is. They’re both staring at you like you’ve been hiding this incredible intelligence all along, when really, you’re kind of cheating. You died when you were sixteen years old. Satoru is incredibly smart for his age, but even taking that into account, your years of lived experience give you an obvious advantage. 
Still, you have to admit, it feels kind of nice. Finally being acknowledged for something, that is. 
Satoru’s lesson ends, and you can see the teacher whispering to the other Gojo Clan members about what just happened. Their eyes all widen in shock as they glance your way. They believe you’re ‘gifted’ all of a sudden, and while it doesn’t mean much for a jujutsu sorcerer, at least they might think a bit more highly of you from now on. Maybe they’ll finally approve of you being by Satoru’s side. 
“I didn’t know you were smart,” Satoru admits. “To be honest, up until now, I thought you were kind of dumb.”
“...oh.”
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way.” 
“Is there a good way to be dumb?” 
“I just meant that you seemed a bit dumb, because of how straightforward and simple you are. And you’re nice to everyone, no matter how badly they treat you. You’re easy to take advantage of, so… yeah. I thought you were dumb. Sorry.” 
Satoru chuckles sheepishly. You snort in response, amused by his uncharacteristic shyness. You suppose it doesn’t really matter whether people think you’re smart or not. From the moment you were born, it was clear that you would have to defy everyone’s expectations. You’re going to have to work harder than most in order to prove yourself. In order to have a chance at saving people.
“You’re doing that thing again,” Satoru remarks. 
“What thing?” 
“It’s a thing you do sometimes. You drift off, and even though you’re usually smiling all the time, your face will get all serious for a few moments.” 
“Oh. I guess I have a habit of getting lost in my thoughts. Sorry. I just really want to get stronger. I end up thinking about it a lot.” 
Satoru doesn’t know how to respond to that. It’s strange that you’re so fixated on improving yourself. He’s the strongest, so of course, there’s a heavy burden upon his shoulders. He has to be the best. It’s both his birthright and his destiny. There’s simply no way around it. 
But as for you…
Come to think of it, do you actually need to become stronger? 
He’s already decided that he’s going to protect you. Even if he hasn’t known you for very long yet, he likes having you around. There’s no reason why he can’t look after you. It’d be nice if you got stronger too, he supposes, but it’s not like you’d ever be stronger than him. With him by your side, your future is already assured. 
Which is why it’s weird. There’s this urgency and desperation he senses from you, almost constantly. It’s not like your family is around anymore. And even if they ever tried to take you back, he wouldn’t let that happen. 
And yet, you’re still determined to become stronger. It’s almost like there’s something you’re not telling him. Something more than just a simple desire to prove yourself. 
…then again, maybe he’s reading into things too much. 
Word travels fast, and soon, pretty much everyone in the clan has discovered that you possess intellect far beyond what they imagined (not really, but whatever, you’ll take it). Satoru keeps insisting that you be allowed to sit in on his lessons from time to time. They reluctantly allow it, and sometimes, you even help answer some of the questions he has—instead of the teacher whose literal job it is to do so. She doesn’t seem to like you very much, unfortunately.
One night, as you’re preparing to go to bed, Satoru stops by your room again. 
He does this a lot. He usually makes a point of saying goodnight to you before he goes to sleep. It’s adorable, and it warms your heart to see that he’s starting to care for you so much. Sometimes, you still can’t believe this is the life you’re living. 
You were expecting him to poke his head into the room before exchanging a few words, as usual, but this time, he turns up with a futon of his own. 
“I’m sleeping here tonight,” he declares. 
You blink. “Oh. You got permission?” 
“Yes. They whined about it a lot, but I said I didn’t care. It’s not even a big deal. You said before we could have a sleepover, right? Unless… you changed your mind.” 
He averts his gaze, looking a bit bashful. Perhaps he’s worried that you’ll refuse. Although you’re not sure who in their right mind would turn away this adorable little sweetheart. 
“I definitely didn’t change my mind,” you grin. “I’m always happy to have a sleepover with you. We can stay up all night telling each other scary stories! I know a few really good ones.”
“Why would I be scared of some stupid stories?” Satoru brushes off. “I’ve already exorcized all kinds of cursed spirits. And none of those were scary, either. I’m too strong to have anything to be scared of.” 
“You’re just saying that because you haven’t heard them yet. You act tough now, but I bet you’ll be crying later.” 
Satoru rolls his eyes as he lays his futon down next to yours. He doesn’t think much of it at first, but once he’s lying down, facing you, and when he realizes just how close the two of you are… he’s embarrassed to admit that his heart starts beating a bit faster.
“If this is weird, I can leave,” he mumbles. 
“It’s not weird at all. Like I said, I’m happy you’re here. Ah. You’re not just trying to come up with excuses so you don’t have to hear my scary stories, right? I see right through you, Satoru. You’re not sneaky.” 
Satoru laughs. It’s a pleasant, melodic sound, and you hope you’ll be able to hear it more often from now on. 
Before you can start telling your stories—you really do have some good ones you’re excited to share—Satoru scoots in a bit closer, then gently places his hand down on top of yours. 
“It’s okay,” he says, and since you’re not sure what he’s referring to, you just frown. “I mean, it’s okay if you’re not strong, because I’m strong enough for the both of us. Before, I said I’d be your friend if you showed me how you planned on getting stronger, but… it’s fine. You don’t need to do that anymore. I’ll still be your friend. I don’t care if you’re weak or not. So, don’t worry about what anyone else says. I’ll stay with you no matter what.” 
Through the dark of night, you can’t tell, but he’s blushing profusely right now. He feels like he just said something really cheesy. But he’s not going to take it back. He doesn’t regret it. He means it wholeheartedly. 
You, his first ever friend, are irreplaceable. 
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More time passes, and as much as it pains you to admit, you still haven’t gotten any stronger. 
While Satoru is busy training, you do the same. You try your absolute hardest to make some kind of progress, and yet, the changes are minimal—if any. It’s as if your body simply isn’t cut out for this, which is a bitter irony. To think that you’ve been reincarnated into a world where you have the potential to do a lot of good and help a lot of people, but your weakness is holding you back. 
The knowledge you have is invaluable. You know that. Even if you’re not all-powerful, you still have the ability to make a difference. But this is Jujutsu Kaisen. A world in which death isn’t just possible; it’s more common than surviving. If you don’t have any way of protecting yourself and others, who’s to say you’ll even last long enough to save everyone? 
It hurts. You hate being weak. You hate that your efforts yield no results. Unlike in the real world, where people can usually make up for talent or skill through sheer dedication and hard work, here, your fate may as well be sealed. 
“Not like that,” Satoru says, shaking his head. “Do it like this.” 
He proceeds to give you yet another up close demonstration of his cursed energy at work. He flattens several pop cans in one fell swoop, while you’ve been struggling to do the same to a single one of them. 
You exhale tiredly. “Stop saying it like it’s second nature. You have better control of your cursed energy than anyone else. I can’t possibly compare.” 
“Well, I don’t really know how else to explain it,” he shrugs. 
Your shoulders slump. A while ago, you had your sixth birthday. Which means it’s been slightly more than a year since you’ve gone to live with the Gojo Clan. A whole year, and still, you’re as weak as ever. You know it’s still too early to give up, but it’s hard not to feel discouraged when you have Satoru by your side, and every day, you’re reminded of the fact that you’ll be helpless to change his fate if this continues. 
“You’re getting upset again. Even though I keep telling you that it’s okay if you don’t get stronger. You have me. You won’t ever need to be scared.” 
Satoru smiles and wraps his arm around you, pulling you into a loose hug. During your time together, he’s become a lot more cheerful and expressive, which is of course due to your influence. It makes you happy to see, and you’re overjoyed that he cares about you to this extent. If you didn’t know what the future holds in store, you would’ve been more than willing to sit back and let him protect you.
He doesn’t realize that he’s destined for an early death. He’s so sure of himself, so confident in his strength, that he doesn’t even consider it to be a possibility. Which is why you do need to become stronger. Even if he doesn’t understand why. 
You hug him back for a few moments, then pull away—much to Satoru’s disappointment. 
“Where are you going?” he asks.
“To train some more. I already talked to one of the clan members earlier. They agreed to help teach me. Reluctantly, but still.” 
“But we’re supposed to be having a lesson together soon,” he says, making a point to pout at you. 
You smile weakly. “Sorry. I’ll be there next time. I just… can’t afford to slack off. If I keep working hard, then eventually, something will give.” 
Of course, as you expected, your supervised training session doesn’t go much better. You can see the clan member repeatedly rolling their eyes at your lack of talent. The only reason they’re helping you at all is because Satoru insisted they honor your requests. 
Once again, you’re left feeling hopeless and deflated. You wonder if you’ll ever see any improvement, or if you truly are beyond salvation. Destined to be so weak that you can’t protect a single person. 
Not even your dearest friend. 
You stare down at your feet, gaze glassy, and for a moment, it feels like you’re about to cry. Isn’t there anything you can do? Anything at all? Some kind of trick that will allow even a weakling like you to have a fighting chance?
Some kind of… trick? 
All of a sudden, your eyes widen. .
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Since meeting you, Satoru’s life has become a lot more fun.
He enjoys having you here. He never thought it would make that big of a difference, being able to spend time with a kid his own age. And not just any kid, but someone who’s taught him how to smile, laugh, and appreciate simple moments he used to take for granted before. He’s glad he made the decision to visit you again that fateful day. If he hadn’t done that, every day would still be just as monotonous and boring. Every day would be unbearably predictable. 
Satoru can never predict what you’re about to do next. It’s strange, because at first glance, you seem like a simpleton, but you always manage to find new ways to surprise him. 
Like right now, for instance. 
“[Name],” Satoru calls out. As always, he knows exactly where to find you. He can tell everyone’s cursed energy apart, and although yours is scarce, it easily stands out the most to him. It’s comforting and familiar. He’s fully committed it to memory by now, and if he wanted to, he could write a whole essay describing it. 
It doesn’t take long for Satoru to find you. For some reason, you’re standing in place and staring off into the distance with a vacant expression. You’re also holding something in your hand. Is that… a knife? 
“[Name],” Satoru repeats. He frowns as he steps closer to you. “What are you doing? What’s the knife for?”
You don’t respond at first, but then you turn towards him, in a rigid, unsettling manner. Your eyes are wider than he’s ever seen them before. Even your lips are slightly parted, as if something has you in awe.
“I understand now,” you mumble breathlessly. 
Whatever it is that you understand, Satoru definitely doesn’t. He’s unbelievably confused. And seriously, what’s with the knife? It’s starting to freak him out. 
Satoru knits his brows together. “What are you talking about? You’re being weird. Also, put the knife down before you end up hurting yourself.” 
“Okay. But first, let me show you something.”
You take a hurried step backwards. Satoru still doesn’t understand what’s going on. You’re never this cryptic. It’s throwing him off, and for some reason, he’s getting a bad feeling about all this. 
That bad feeling turns out to be right, because moments later, he watches as you drag the sharp end of the knife across your skin.
“Don’t—!”
Satoru cries out, but it’s already too late. There’s blood everywhere. It’s a deep gash. A serious injury. You’re wincing, looking lightheaded from the pain, as if you’re about to pass out any second. Satoru instinctively knows he has to get help, and yet, he’s too shocked to move. This has never happened before. He’s never watched someone get hurt in front of his eyes—someone he cares deeply about—and been helpless to do anything about it. He’s the strongest jujutsu sorcerer. A special, chosen existence. But right now, all of that feels pointless, because you’re in pain, and he doesn’t know how to fix it. 
“It’s okay,” you breathe out. “Just… watch.”
Satoru is about to cry out again, more desperately this time, but suddenly, he sees it. 
Your body is… healing?
It’s true. The gash on your arm, the one you just inflicted with the knife, has already fully healed. You pause for a moment, then wipe the blood off your skin, so that he can see more clearly. Sure enough, it’s gone. There’s no trace of the wound that was there a second ago. Almost as if what happened just now was a figment of his imagination.
“Reverse cursed technique,” Satoru mumbles in disbelief. “You… when did you learn how to do this? You never mentioned it before. And I didn’t notice any changes in the flow of your cursed energy, either.”
“I learned it just now.” 
“What?” 
“A few minutes ago. Before you came to find me. All of a sudden, I just knew how to do it. The knowledge appeared in my mind.” 
Satoru frowns. Something isn’t adding up. Converting cursed energy into positive energy is a very complex technique. Few individuals are actually able to pull it off. Even he doesn’t know how to heal himself. But such an ability was able to manifest in you? He supposes it’s not impossible, but given the nature of your cursed energy, and your overall lack of skill… it seems unlikely.
“I wanted to become stronger.” You pause for a moment, then shake your head. “Sorry. I needed to become stronger. So, I did. I wasn’t sure if it would work, but just now, I was able to confirm it.” 
“What do you mean?” 
“I think you already suspect it. That I didn’t obtain this ability naturally. I was frustrated that nothing was working, no matter what I did. I just couldn’t seem to improve, regardless of how hard I trained. So, I… took a gamble. I made a Binding Vow.” 
Satoru blinks. “A self-imposed vow?” 
You nod enthusiastically, but it still doesn’t make any sense. Would someone really gain the ability to use positive energy through a simple vow like that? It’s the first Satoru’s ever heard of it. And since healing is a rare, valuable power, most people would love to get their hands on it. If it was that easy, surely everyone would opt to do it, one way or another.
Once again, Satoru has a bad feeling about this. 
“I already knew that by imposing restrictions on yourself, through a Binding Vow, it’s possible to increase your cursed energy and empower your technique,” you say. “I wasn’t sure if it would work for me. Converting cursed energy into positive energy is complicated, after all. I knew I had to make it a pretty serious restriction, in order to have any chance of succeeding. Even then, it still might not have worked.”
You pause yet again, while Satoru’s breath hitches in his throat, and the next second, you’re smiling brightly, like always. 
As you utter the most horrifying words Satoru has ever heard. 
“In exchange for gaining the ability to use reverse cursed technique, I’m never allowed to use my cursed energy to harm anyone else, whether it’s a human or a cursed spirit. And if by some chance I do… I’ll die. Instantly.”
Satoru’s jaw drops open.
“...what?!” 
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literatureloverx · 4 months ago
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Hiii!! good day to you☺️☺️!!! Just wanna ask something if you don't mind me🤗. In the aftercare scenario with fyodor, in the last part of it they talked about having children. Since reading that it's the only thing on my mind rn😔. I really wanna know what you think about fyodor, his darling and their children. Like would he be a good dad, an okay one or a bad one? How maby children do you think he'll have? Etc etc. Even though it's kinda impossible for him(rn) to have children since it'll probably become a problem for his plan, but can't a girl dream?🥺 Anyway tyty in advance if you answer this
(I love you so muchhhhh ahhh i wanna bite you/affectionately/😚😚. I love love the way you potray fyodor— my knees become weak every time I read one of your post! You're literally serving us a whole 5 star mchelin meal and I'm licking the plate- all utensils clean frfr😋😋. I hope you continue this and I'll be right here with the others supporting you🫶🏼🫶🏼)
Oh my gosh, I actually shed some tears here…🥺❤️
I can’t even begin to tell you how much your support means to me. Every time I read your sweet words, I get so emotional. I'm beyond grateful for your love and encouragement—it really keeps me going. ❤️
Thank you from the bottom of my heart!❤️❤️❤️
In actuality, I got two other requests about Dad!Fyodor. I wrote some headcanons about this and included a scene too, but since I don’t want to be unfair, I will post the scenario I wrote here and the headcanons in the other request ❤️
I hope you enjoy it, my dear! ❤️
Mdni, yandere behaviour, unhealthy behaviour, dad!fyodor, ideal type fem!reader, fluff, etc.
———————————
F Y O D O R D O S T O E V S K Y
Belonging
Never in his life had Fyodor calculated that he would end up in this moment. It was a delight indeed, to feel the pleasure of utter belonging. You, belonging to him. Him, belonging to you. Him, belonging to his own small family.
A small smile forms on his lips, his eyes softening as his pale, cold hand gently places itself upon your belly.
It feels so strange, in an almost tooth-rottingly sweet way. It was something he never wished for, never considered before. But since you came crashing into his life with your graceful, soft, sweet nature, hopping into his safe space, jumping over his seemingly endless high walls, everything has been changing for him.
To find himself in such a vulnerable state was frustrating. He did not handle this new information well at the beginning, at all.
After endless loneliness, he felt uncomfortable with the togetherness with someone else. Finding you and falling for you, his soulmate, his lover, was indeed a shock for his hardened heart.
But now, this? A child? His child, that you’re bearing inside your very body?
He is not someone who loses his cool easily. You softened him. Your still unborn baby, whom he can't imagine parenting as any other human being does, softened him. He has found himself dwelling on thoughts obsessively focused on you and your child. About your future.
If this had not happened simply by itself, he wouldn’t have thought of having a child. But now that you’re full with his child, smiling at him with utmost love and affection, he can't help but love your baby.
Love… such a distant word for him for decades, for hundreds of years. Humbling, but so utterly real.
“Can you feel it, my love?”
“Yes, love.”
His gaze focuses on you, the dark glimmer shining through his soft expression, a sight far too familiar to you.
“I’m amazed how we managed to produce such an energetic offspring, given our harmonious and peaceful personalities.”
His humorous comment makes you huff out a giggle, amused at his remark.
“I’m not sure if I’d describe you as such, my love…”
His eyes soften further.
“I believe that motherhood has already made you brattier, my dear. We might need to change that attitude in the near future.”
Another chuckle, this time even more heartfelt than before.
He softly kisses your forehead, his fingers gently caressing your belly.
“The medicine is working. You’re feeling less dizziness, correct?”
Fyodor being your husband has more than enough beautiful aspects to it. One of them is, indeed, his ability to see, hear, and understand everything the moment it occurs. Like now. He always knows how you’re feeling, and it is refreshing in a sweet way.
“Yes, my love. I’m doing very well. Also, I'm not lonely at all, thanks to you.”
He smiles fondly, a lazy smirk stretching out his lips. Of course you weren’t. He is often away, but he always manages to send you gifts and activities to pass the time with. You’re always surrounded by people who dote on you and do everything in their power to make you feel comfortable in your huge mansion while you wait day and night for your husband to arrive and show you his affection.
It always pays off. The waiting, the longing, the slight agony that sometimes pierces your heart and makes you miss him even more than ever.
But he always returns. Always, without a single exception.
In those times whenever you were waiting eagerly for your husband to return, you had plenty of time to think about every possible possibility. How your lives would change when your little one arrives, what kind of mother you’d be to your child, what kind of father Fyodor would be… you never once doubted him.
You trust him with all your heart and secretly, this trust gives Fyodor immense strength, even if he never verbally acknowledged it. He knows that you trust him, and your trust and love work wonders on him.
From a logical perspective, he is not someone who needs love or acknowledgment, praise or appreciation. But with you by his side, loving, appreciating, trusting, understanding, and caring for him unconditionally, he acknowledges that everything is so much more beautiful as you bestow pure joy into his previously cold and inhumane life.
Your little family already makes him feel more human. You make him feel human. Not that he thought that he ever cared about being inhuman, but it turns out that he is, indeed, not much different than other human beings.
Feeling like a human has an incredible vulnerability to it. But with you, he can’t help but bow down to his own humanity, to his own vulnerability.
“I love you...”
His eyes glimmer with a faint shadow, and you can see inside his eyes how his sentence continues.
‘…I love both of you.’
To read my other works and the backstory to this scenario => MASTERLIST
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hotdamnhunnam · 11 months ago
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On Your Knees
A/N: So as I noted in this teaser thingy, I don’t really intend to be back on tumblr actively, BUT I just couldn’t resist writing for Kai!! This fic will be smutty, while also providing a bit of backstory that I feel he needs and deserves honestly. I fucking love this guy 💗
Pairing: Kai x F!Reader Warnings: smut (p in v, oral), swearing, dom!Kai, dirty talk (but it’s not until Part 2 that shit gets degrading and dark) Word Count: ~3.8k
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“On your knees.”
It’s been forever and a day, since you last laid your eyes on Kai. Since then you’ve searched for him across the whole entire fucking sky. Whatever words you had expected him to say… you never would have dreamt of these.
On your knees.
The blood in your veins is on fire; it burns as the blue of his gaze starts to freeze. The blaze rises higher, so desperate to melt down this fortress of ice that you hadn’t believed you would find. Paid the rumors no mind—he’s a bounty hunter or a gun for hire, who would sell his soul to any well-paying buyer, or so everybody agrees—yet you’ve come here to seek out the true heart of gold that you know lies behind. But all gold can be sold and it seems that he’s taken his fees.
And now he’s set on taking whatever he damn well may please.
Your voice escapes your throat pathetically. “Kai, it’s me…”
Cocks his head. Lifts his brow. Silent laughter at what you just said. Obviously. But who you are doesn’t mean shit to him now. “Aye, I see.”
You might just choke. The heart that never once stopped beating for this godforsaken rogue just fucking broke.
He snickers down as if the beating of your heart is just a joke. The curl of those cruel lips holds even more force than his words. And that’s what brings you to your knees and makes you weak, so weak it hurts, as he comes close and rests his palm against your cheek, piercing your soul straight to the core with just one stroke.
Straight to the core. Summon what strength you have to speak, unsure whether the vows that you once made have any value anymore. “I’ve come back to you just as I swore…”
“Of course,” he utters as those ice-blue eyes seek out and strike the deepest truth in yours. “You’ve come to me just as you were before: still nothing but a worthless fucking whore.”
***************
--- Years Earlier ---
“Impressive.”
You smile over your shoulder as he comes up from behind to wrap his arms tightly around you, in a warm embrace that’s all at once affectionate and aggressive. Passionate and possessive. Just as his touch is every night when he pins you to bed and pounds you.
Kai is wildly impressed to see you standing tall at the helm of this ship where he’s found you. The ship is in shambles and beaten down, long since abandoned here out on the plains past the outskirts of town. Still the grandeur of spacefaring vessels like this never fails to astound you. The freedom that they represent gives you hope that someday you and Kai might escape from this planet that’s bound to the rule of a ruthless imperial crown.
Yet this starship is broken and dead. It feels good to stand here for a bit and pretend you can steer it—steer something for once in your life so that you can cling onto what little is left of your spirit, forge on towards the future instead of just having to fear it… but you know it’s best not to let false hope get to your head.
“You’d make a fetching pilot, love,” Kai purrs into your ear while he plants kisses on the soft skin of your neck. “So fucking hot I think you might stir up the engine of this wreck. Won’t be surprised if you just up and fly it off.”
The laughter on your lips melts into his, as you lean back to taste his kiss. “I wish I could. The two of us would fuck shit up in space so good.”
“Aye, that we would.”
For now Kai is more than content to fuck you up against the window of this spacecraft and you both know that’s exactly what’s in store. Know you were put upon this planet just to serve him as his filthy little whore. On any planet you would always be just that and nothing more.
Through the layers of both of your clothes you can feel the thick length of his shaft, pressed up against your lower half. Desperate hands reach into his pants to set him free and grasp at every perfect inch of him that you exist to worship and adore.
“Impressive,” you echo his words from before.
He chuckles in that playfully suggestive, sinful way that always hits you in the slick heat of your core. The man knows he’s massive. He wields his cock like a damn weapon of war.
But with you it’s a war fought for love and he makes it so pure.
It’s just unfathomable to you that this man is fucking yours.
You’ve only ever been to this small corner of the vast expanse of space, yet when you look upon his face, you have no doubt that he’s the most beautiful man in all the universe.
As ever in his presence you’re tempted to fall on your knees. It’s your favorite position: to kneel before him in submission. To swallow his cock till he fills your throat with his delicious release. Kai knows this but is ever the tease. He knows just what you’re wishing, but holds you up right where you are to prevent you from sinking so he can keep kissing your lips, one hand gripping your hips, while the other roams over the parts of your body that nobody else ever sees.
“K-Kai please…”
“What is it you want?” he sadistically taunts, and then animalistically grunts, as he feels the wetness of your cunt.
You can’t speak, at the touch of his fingers exploring the treasures they seek.
So he feeds you the words. “This big cock in that sweet little mouth of yours?”
“Yes—please, yes…!” you gasp, heightening his desire as well as your own as you handle his hardness with long strokes and squeezes, loving how it throbs in your tightening grasp.
Kai loves making you plead, getting off on the way that you moan for him over and over again. Till he’s ready to finally provide what you need. Ready now then he reckons. A wicked smirk crosses his mouth and it threatens to end you this second. “Indeed. Since you’re beggin’.”
At last then he lets you sink down to the floor, where you instantly bury your face in his crotch and start slobbering madly all over his cock because this is what you fucking live for.
He smells and tastes simply divine. Better than any man fucking should. Smash your nose in the fine golden hairs at the base of his dick and get drunk on his scent like it’s wine… swipe your tongue up the length in a sensuous line…God it’s good. The salt and sweetness and the musk with earthy undertones of wood. You know nothing of what gods exist in this world or the next, other than being certain that Kai is a living breathing god of sex.
His fingers tangle in your hair, pulling you closer into him and holding you right fucking there. It’s heaven when he plows your throat. No other feeling could compare. You reach to clutch at the firm muscles of his ass and meet his blue gaze as you eagerly wait for him to unravel and explode. The twinkle in his eye reminds you that you’re his and that he never wants to share, just as he’s yours and no one else deserves the privilege to take his precious load.
You take it down with your cheeks hollowed, throat contracting tight around him as he groans in utter bliss. Your love for him deepens with every drop you’ve swallowed, since the day when you first met and every day and night that’s followed. Didn’t think it would be possible to love him more than this. To be so cock-drunk and so lovestruck… fuck, it’s glorious.
Your worship of him always takes him somewhere far beyond the stars. So fucking far. He loves the whore you are, just as you love the whore he is. The kind of love that heals as deeply as it scars. You’re only whores for one another which is why the love you make is always pure no matter how dirty it is.
He worships you in turn, that filthy mouth on him a fire-breathing sin. Making you burn. Laying his claim to every last inch of your skin and every fiber of your being deep within. Your impulse is to be down on your knees for him but when the man insists on pleasuring your cunt—because for him your pleasure’s always at the forefront—well of course you just give in.
And then he fucks your cunt to pieces to make sure you won’t ever forget that his sex is the reason you’re living.
You can’t begin to wrap your mind around him being so damn perfect. But you sure as hell can wrap your pussy tight around the war weapon that’s pumping deep inside of you so powerfully erect. Both of you like it good and rough, and soon enough, this stranded spaceship’s not the only thing that’s wrecked.
The vessel tilts a little bit with his last thrust; this ship is huge but so is Kai, and he’s apparently so strong that he just rocked the goddamned deck. That shit is so insanely hot you might just die. Combust. Crumble to dust. As you both come down from the high, your pulse is racing and he traces its pace with his parted lips pressed to your neck.
The two of you remain entwined for hours, as you always do. Whispering sweet nothings that you wish could be true. Let’s just pretend this ship is ours. That the universe is ours. That we’ll fly away, and soar the skies someday, just me and you. But nothing is nothing regardless of how sweet it seems, and you can’t fly away from the fact that the universe bows to formidable powers. To forces that devastate dreams, through and through.
To the powers that be. Powers that crush all hopes of ever being free or being happy.
Kai reads your mind as your thoughts drift to that dark place. Knows that it’s time to tell you what he came to say, when he found you aboard this ship today, before he got distracted and ended up fucking your brains out past the farthest reaches of space. It’s not a message that he’s eager to convey. But it’s an order that you can’t really afford to disobey.
Still he wants you to stay, blue eyes begging you to as he softly caresses your face. Yet he knows on some level that dreams of resistance are silly to chase. That the price of just one slice of heaven is steep and there’ll be hell to pay.
He clears his throat and breathes in deep, wishing the price weren’t so damn steep. “Meant to tell you that he’s been… requesting your presence again.”
You had known to expect this. Chosen to neglect this. As if you could run to some empty abandoned starship to hide from the constant demands of that monster who thinks he’s a god among men.
But you can’t and to even attempt this… is useless and reckless. Though Kai referred to the imperial officer’s order as just a request, it was obviously a command. So you stand, smooth your skirt with a trembling hand—knowing Kai wishes he could hold on to you now and protect what is rightfully his—but your honor is yours to defend. No one else’s. All yours in the end.
He knows this too but wishes he didn’t. He hates this part. Watching you leave is the part when he cages his heart, locking it in a block of cement. “So you’ll just run off to him then?”
All too familiar with his defense mechanisms, you don’t halt your rhythm. The whole fiasco of this moment is always the same with him, despite the fact that he must know this isn’t something either one of you enjoys. So rather than rushing to blame him, or letting the swell of emotions inside you erupt into violence, you cast him a side glance, remind him in silence: it’s not as if I have a choice.
Evidently today the cement is much thicker than usual; the next words off his lips at your lack of response come off particularly cruel. “What, lost your dignity and your voice?”
God, he knows how to hit your inner slut, and make her want to die. To bleed her dry. His name escapes your throat in a defeated sigh. “Kai…”
He hates himself right now more than that monstrous fucking officer or anyone at all. Down to his core. Your knees just buckled and he rushes to catch you before you fall, but he’s so broken now himself that you both end up on the floor, down on your knees. The words he’d just uttered were driven by demons he’s struggling to bury—lately there have been a whole lot of these. Pulls you in close and releases his heart from its stone wall, as he dissolves into a mess of regrets and apologies. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
Inevitably you end up making love, which is the only answer when words aren’t enough. Soft and slow. But it has to end quickly, because you have somewhere to be. Can’t hold on to the afterglow. Leave before tears overflow. Just a few words then you have to go.
You wish Kai could see things from your point of view. He gives you every reassurance that he gets it; his response earlier was impossibly harsh but he clearly regrets it. Still you can’t help but feel as if he’s disappointed in you. Despite how authoritative the Imperium is and the consequences that are sure to ensue if you stand up against it… he sees your obeying the officer’s orders as something you’re making the choice to do.
And that view baffles you because how could you possibly choose to do something that fucking destroys you?
The officer knows all your weaknesses. If you should ever defy him he’d go after Kai, to hit you where he knows it would hurt you the most and you can’t stand to think or to speak of this. You’d rather die. And your fear of that terrible punishment forces your hand; you must heed his command. Without having to spell this shit out you just wish Kai would understand why.
“I understand,” he says, but he can’t meet your pleading gaze. He’s not quite certain whether what he said is true, and surely you would see right through. Instead looks out the spacecraft window at the distant stars that deign to cast their rays upon this conquered stretch of land. It feels like pity and that shit infuriates him in a million fucking ways. “I understand, I do. It just kills me to think of someone else inside you—”
“Kai, I’ve told you time and time again to trust me that he hasn’t…”
“That’s not even what I meant.”
“It’s what you said.”
With worlds of pain behind his plaintive eyes he reaches out to cup your cheek then smooths his thumb across the creases in your forehead. “What I meant is that I just can’t shake this sense that he’s gotten inside your head. To men like that nothing is sacred. He’s attracted to your spirit ‘cause he knows that he can break it. Wants to wait for you to give your body to him though it’s well within his power to just take it. And whatever little honor you’ve got left down to the final fucking shred… he won’t stop till it’s fucking dead.”
His warning chills you to the bone, because you know it to be true. For better or worse you’ve got some defense mechanisms of your own. Just a few. Brush off his touch and clench your jaw and let a little bit of spite sharpen your tone. “So then what would you have me do? Not all of us can be as honorable as you.”
Now his jaw clenches too. So hard that he might be at risk of breaking it. “The choice is yours, of course,” he mutters, eyes flashing an icy shade of blue. “Just know you’re making it. Don’t hide behind the lie your hand was forced.”
At that you turn to leave him with a scoff, throwing a bitter glare that tells him to fuck off.
But just before you disembark, you catch a glimpse of some metallic thing that glimmers in the dark. The mess of clothes that Kai had flung off of his shoulders when he fucked you up against the window, some hours ago… he’d had a gun tucked in among them and the sight of it right now is fucking stark. You have no reason to be shocked about it though.
He wasn’t hiding it from you; the fact that he’s been packing unauthorized arms is something you already knew. That doesn’t mean it’s something you wanted to know. Seeing this fatal metal thing strikes you as such a blunt reminder of what he intends to do. And you know where it’s bound to go.
Where your gaze and your thoughts wander his always follow. “There’s a strategy session set up for tomorrow,” he states in reference to the folks in your town who believe independence is something that any respectable person would die to defend. Even if it means battling forces against which they can’t even try to contend. “May be able to make concrete plans now that we’ve finally got enough guns stashed in our secret cargo. I already know better than to ask whether you’d want to attend. Guess the answer will always be no.”
The two of you have talked about this countless times before. And every time it turns to fucking when you both can’t bear the talking anymore. It’s irresponsible and immature, but in the rosy throes of youth, it seems to you love is the only fucking truth, the only thing you know for sure. The only thing that’s clear and pure. Love keeps you whole so you don’t fall apart from fear of what your hopeless-looking future has in store.
But you’re not that young, and you can’t just fuck away these pressing issues for that long. He can’t just kiss you to prevent the words from falling off your tongue. He knows it too and so you sit and talk for once and hope shit doesn’t go too wrong.
You admire and love him for being so brave and so strong. Tell him so. But that small band of big-hearted rebels is not somewhere you feel you’ll ever belong. He has to let it go.
And you have to let go of your hope that he might change his mind. That he might decide doing what makes sense to simply survive matters more than misguided delusions of honor chasing after some kind of freedom he won’t ever find.
You tenderly caress his face and feel the warmth of his blood rush to meet your hand. It’s all that you can do to pray his precious blood won’t spill someday fighting a war over some worthless stretch of land. This lovely planet is your home but in your eyes it’s all worth nothing without Kai. “I know how fiercely you believe in your brothers, and in your friends. In the rebellion that all of you have planned. What terrifies me is this feeling that it’s fucking doomed to fail and if you die… I can’t fathom anything worse. Of course I know the choice to fight with them is yours, but for my part I’m not as brave as all the others. I can’t bring myself to stand behind this cause when I’m afraid it won’t be worth it in the end. Please understand.”
Kai leans into your touch and turns his face to kiss your palm, cracking a sad smile to fight the tears that otherwise would come. Unshed they shine like stars hiding behind his eyes so blue. “Aye, I do.”
It’s a lie. Lie as big as the sky. But he hides behind it till it might become true, or at least fucking tries to.
At that it’s time for you to go, fearing that you should have done so hours ago. The sheer pressure of fear shatters you; fact is deep down it shatters him too. He just copes with his hopes and fears in a more complicated way.
“I promise I will always come back to you.” These are the same words that you always say, when you leave—words you fiercely believe—to assure him that nothing could keep you away.
When you leave him with those words Kai usually lets you, eventually once he’s done venting all his pent up rage and dealing every card he has to play. But evidently not today. “You wouldn’t have to. If you’d just stay.”
The way his voice trembles with gentleness, with selflessness, as he abandons every one of his defenses… it fucking kills you when he gets this way. It doesn’t happen often, and it always makes your heart open and soften. “That’s true. Maybe I can keep him waiting just one day…”
His eyes go wide, unable to believe that this is something you would actually decide. It makes him love you even more and suddenly he’s shy and blushing as if he thinks he’s unworthy of the privilege of your touch. “Or just one hour or one minute for I ought to know I shouldn’t ask too much—”
You shut him up with your forefinger pressed against his luscious lip. Provocatively bite your own to make it known that you want him to spend all day fucking you up against this ship.
Last time he did it shook the whole entire deck; maybe this time the sex will be so fucking hot that it’ll set fire to this wreck. Wouldn’t put anything past Kai. It’d be a perfect way to die.
Slamming your back against the window of this wrecked dreadnought, he effortlessly reads your every thought—goddamn that thought just now was a particularly bold one—and from his wicked smirk it’s plain to see that he agrees it would be perfect and insanely fucking hot. “You might want to hold on.”
And you do, clinging closely to him like the sky clings to stars at the coming of dawn. In the bright glare of day they’ll no longer shine through. But that won’t mean they’re gone.
Here tonight, and even if they’re out of sight, come morning light… all the stars in his eyes shine for you. With those stars guiding you, you’ll hold on.
***************
… To be continued in Part 2!
The plan is for Part 2 to explore more of the earlier timeline and also carry forward the opening scene of course, which is when dark degrading dom!Kai will be out in full force 🔥
If you’d like to be added or removed from the taglist for this fic (below), just let me know! Much love to all of you 💖
Masterlist
Taglist for this fic (based on responses to the teaser) – @midnightbabylon @rayslittlekitten @pikapuff-316 @youflickedtooharddamnit @laurfilijames @okin-awa @lovebittenbyevans @jmamas92 @theliterarybeldam @dirtytomatoedwrites @ughdontbeboring @netflix-imagines
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