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lloydskywalkers · 5 years ago

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There’s Insurance for That

In which Skylor buys lunch, stops a criminal, and learns the best way to blow up the kitchen electronics section, which is a pretty normal week for her, she guesses. Or, five places the ninja are no longer allowed into, featuring Skylor.

(been hitting a bit of a writer’s block with everything else lately, so here’s this...disaster, i guess?? because these ninja are definitely a disaster in this, but i was having fun so. this is the bed bath & beyond fic btw, in case anyone was wondering gdfkgdh)

1. My. Kazami’s Ramen Place

At this point, sadly, Skylor’s used to it.

It’s around a quarter to noon on a Monday, just as she's leaving the noodle shop for her well-deserved lunch break, when a familiar scream splits the relatively-quiet afternoon air on this side of Ninjago City.

The only reason Skylor does not immediately dissolve into panic at said scream is because she is — also sadly — familiar with the variations of it, and this one sounds less like it’s Lloyd’s “I’m-in-terrible-danger-and/or-pain-again” scream, and more like his “I’m-free-falling-on-purpose-from-the-sky-again” scream. Which is, in and of itself, not entirely concerning. In fact, it’d probably be more unusual not to see Lloyd go falling from the sky at some point during any of the ninjas’ higher-than-eight-feet battles, because somehow that’s become a habitual thing. The sky is blue, fire is hot, Kai uses hair gel — Lloyd is going to drop screaming from the sky at some point this month.

So instead of panicking, Skylor figures she’ll just stand in the vicinity until Lloyd either climbs out of another dumpster, or lands on top of her. Kai doesn’t seem to be around to catch him, so Skylor’s prepared to step up, even though it looks like Lloyd’s got a pretty good handle on landing, at the angle she’s watching him from.

Still though, she muses. You’d think he’d have started actively wearing a parachute at this point.

“Kai suggested that,” Lloyd says, after he’s finally able to stand straight, and he’s not quite as cross-eyed. He frowns at his reflection in a store window as they pass by, scuffing at his windblown hair again. “But it gets in the way, you know? It throws off my backflips.”

“That’s a nail in the coffin right there,” Skylor agrees, leading them across another sidewalk. Lloyd’s attracting a lot of looks, with his bright green battle gi and razor-sharp sword strapped across his back, but fortunately no one’s started crowding them yet. Probably because the razor-sharp sword strapped to his back. “Can’t have your fighting style completely crippled,” she adds.

“I don’t backflip that much,” Lloyd huffs. Yes, you do, is on the tip of Skylor’s tongue, because she’s seen him fight, but she decides not to pick that battle…this time.

“Besides,” Lloyd continues. “I don’t really need a parachute, anyways. I always make sure to aim for like, somewhere safe to land. Relatively safe. Safe-ish.”

Skylor eyes him. “You landed in a dumpster.”

Lloyd bristles in offense. “I did not! It was a perfectly respectable recycling bin.”

“Same thing, if you ask me.”

“Not even close. Dumpsters are gross. Recycling bins you just crash through a whole bunch of cardboard and old newspapers. It’s luxury trash diving.”

Skylor just sighs, shaking her head, and edits the text she’s been tapping out for Kai.

Skylor > found your kid in a recycling bin

Skylor > taking him to lunch bc you’re clearly starving him again

Skylor > he’s alive btw

Kai > oh thank fsm

Kai > tell him he’s grounded

Kai > u never take me for lunch :(

Skylor > maybe if u dropped on me from the sky sometime i would

“Hey, are the others busy?” she asks Lloyd in afterthought. “Like…fighting anyone?”

“Huh?” Lloyd blinks. He then flushes, rubbing the back of his head. “Ah, no. We’d pretty much finished up the fight when I, uh…there was a break-in, on the Bounty? We had the guys all taken care of, but they blew part of the mast up, and it left debris all over the deck, so I kind of…maybe….tripped…”

Lloyd is bright red by the time he finishes the sentence. Skylor wouldn’t feel so bad about it, if she wasn’t doubled over laughing at him in the middle of rush hour traffic.

“You are a trained ninja,” she breathes out, between snickers.

“I know,” Lloyd moans.

“You’re like, part god.”

“I know,” Lloyd moans again, into his hands this time. Skylor has to grab his shoulders and forcibly drag him along down the crowded street, trying not to cringe inside at all the looks they’re getting.

“Kai says you’re grounded, by the way,” she says, as the last of her laughter fades.

That snaps Lloyd out of it. “He can’t ground me,” he scowls. “I’m leader.”

“Stop falling from the sky, and maybe he’ll give it a rest,” Skylor replies, glancing down as her phone buzzes again.

Kai > I’d join u but I’m stuck on prison delivery

Kai > nya’s coming to pick up the demon spawn tho

Skylor > nice I’ve been wanting to buy her lunch

Kai > cruel

“—don’t know what you mean, I don’t fall that often, and most of the time it’s on purpose, anyways—”

Skylor chooses to ignore Lloyd’s slightly-concerning, sulking rambling, and pats his shoulder instead. “Nya’s coming for lunch, too,” she says. “Does ramen sound good?”

“Oh, yeah.” Lloyd brightens, seemingly cheered by the reminder he’s getting food out of this. “It’s been a while since I’ve eaten out.”

“I can tell,” Skylor says, eyeing him. “Cole hasn’t been cooking for you, has he?"

“No, but we put Zane on mandatory break so he could relax a bit, and we’re all suffering for it.”

Lloyd and Skylor both jump at Nya’s voice, not having heard her coming up behind them.

“Nya!” Lloyd beams. “Skylor is — ouch, hey, let go!”

“That’s what you get for giving me gray hairs again,” Nya scolds, digging her knuckles into Lloyd’s hair. She looks up from the hold she’s pulled him into, and smiles brightly at Skylor. “Hi, Skylor. Nice to see you.”

“Hi, Nya.” Skylor gives a little wave, watching Lloyd squirm out of Nya’s grasp in amusement.

“So, ramen?” Nya says, giving Lloyd one last elbow in the side before joining Skylor.

“Yeah,” she says. “I was thinking the place down on seventh, the Sobahouse, I think?”

Lloyd and Nya both stiffen, their steps slowing. Skylor pauses, turning to stare at them in confusion. “That’s not the one owned by someone named Mr. Kazami, is it?” Nya finally asks, hesitantly.

“Uh, yeah, it is, actually,” Skylor blinks. “He’s pretty nice, we go to the same grocer on weekends.”

“Ah,” Lloyd says, carefully.

“Hm,” Nya hesitates.

Skylor looks between the two of them, now completely stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. She really hopes no one is getting pictures of her like this. There are enough flash articles about the rumored orange ninja cryptid on the internet as it is. “Is that…a problem?”

Nya pointedly stares at the sky as if it’s the most interesting thing she’s seen all day. Baffled, Skylor tries the weaker link. Lloyd swallows, avoiding her eyes as he bounces from leg to leg, as if the mere thought of trying to enter the restaurant is terrifying. Which is mildly alarming, because this is the same kid who power-walked straight into a prison full of escaped violent criminals, his psychotic ex, and his undead murderous dad without hesitation.

“We can’t,” Lloyd finally mutters, staring at the sidewalk. Nya elbows him in the side, hissing “weak link” as she does. Lloyd just glares at her.

“O-okay,” Skylor says, unsure. “I mean, that’s fine if you guys want to go somewhere else. I just didn’t know you…didn’t like this place…”

“No, we do,” Lloyd grinds out, and he looks more embarrassed than terrified now, so Skylor aborts her half-formed plans of speed-dialing Karloff. “We just can’t. Go in, that is. We’re not allowed to.”

Skylor stares at him. “You’re not allowed in? Why not?”

“Because,” Nya forces through gritted teeth. “They banned us.”

“They what?” Skylor gapes.

Nya presses her lips together tightly. Lloyd stares very hard at the ground, as if desperately trying to convince himself to keep quiet. Skylor can pinpoint the moment he breaks, his expression contorting as he throws his hands up wildly. “You blow their electrical system up one time—”

“Oh guys, no,” Skylor groans, before bursting into laughter at him for the second time that day. Lloyd looks incredibly unappreciative, his expression scrunching up in annoyance like she hasn’t seen since that one stupid skating match with Chamille, and that just makes her laugh harder.

“We were trying to save them!” Nya defends indignantly. “It’s not our fault they had weak wiring—”

“I just got a little too into it, it’s — it’s Nya’s fault, she’s the one that said it’d be cool if I tried to do shockwave thing like in—”

“That was a mutual thing and you know it!”

“Oh guys, no,” Skylor wheezes into her hands.

“It worked!”

“Poor Mr. Kazami,” Skylor manages, through snickers. Lloyd’s shoulders slump, his upper lip pouting, and Nya crosses her arms, as if refusing to look ashamed.

“It’s not like the other guys aren’t banned from anywhere, either—”

“Alright, alright,” Skylor waves her hands, taking pity on them. “We’ll go somewhere else.”

“Good,” Nya mutters, as Lloyd exhales in relief. Skylor just snickers again, leading them down the sidewalk in the opposite direction. She bites her lip, shaking her head, before a thought occurs to her.

“Wait, what do you mean, ‘it’s not like they aren’t banned from anywhere’?” she frowns. “You guys are banned from more than one place?”

“No,” Nya says firmly, before Lloyd can even speak up. “Forget I said anything.”

Skylor will do no such thing, but she decides it’s in her best interest not to pursue it. Nya is not the sort of person to trifle with, and she does want that ramen.

She gets her answer soon enough, anyways.

2. Ninjago City Aquarium

While Skylor has the early shift on Tuesdays, she does get the afternoons off, which is pretty nice for the most part, if it didn’t mean she’d be bored for the rest of the day. So she hits the grocery store and decides to take the long way home, partially because walking is supposed to be good for you, and partially in hopes that one of the ninja will drop in on her again.

She’s not disappointed.

Granted, a minor explosion going off from inside the Ninjago City Aquarium wasn’t exactly what she was expecting today, but the figures in bright red and white arguing furiously outside the security perimeter are par for the course.

It’s a little odd that they haven’t already rushed in yet, Skylor notes, but with the way they’re loudly yelling at each other in the middle of the street, she figures she’ll find out soon enough.

“No, Kai, it is our civic duty to follow the laws put in place for the safety of civilians—”

“Oh come on, you get brainwashed into a slightly-murderous emperor one time and now you’re a stickler for everything?!”

"One time was enough, Kai!”

“Uh, hi guys,” Skylor approaches the two, hesitantly. “Is everything alright?”

“Skylor!” Kai whirls on her, his eyes wild. “Thank FSM, you’ve gotta help us out — they won’t let us in!” He shakes his fist at the aquarium doors, before springing for the security gate. “Let us in, let us in—”

“Shaking the gate like an animal is not going to convince them, Kai!” Zane pleads, prying Kai away. He shoots Skylor an apologetic glance as he wrangles Kai into a gentle chokehold. “We would greatly appreciate your help, if possible. There’s a low-threat criminal with an unfortunate assortment of weaponry who ran into the aquarium, and we’re legally unable to pursue. If you could try to drive him out, perhaps?”

“I — you — you’re what?” Skylor has the weirdest sense of déjà vu, before it’s lost in confusion. Her head swivels from the frustrated expression on Kai’s face to the pleading one on Zane’s, then to the grocery bags in her hands. She looks back up at Kai, who’s now giving her the puppy eyes. Something from inside the aquarium explodes loudly.

“Sure,” she sighs, handing Kai her grocery bags. “Just one guy?”

“Just one guy,” Kai exhales in relief. “You’re a lifesaver, Skylor, I — hey, are these those snack cakes they made to look like us?”

“Yes, eat them and you die,” Skylor hisses. She turns to Zane, holding her hand out half-hesitantly. “Lend a girl some ice powers?”

“Of course,” Zane nods, letting her take his hand. There’s a brief moment as Skylor melds her power with Zane’s, absorbing the icy force and mimicking it to her own — a part of her notes vaguely that it’s stronger than the last time she borrowed it, but she shakes it off, pulling her hand back and tugging the hood of her jacket up, mentally hoping no one writes another article about the possible existence of a cryptid orange ninja after this.

“Alright,” she says. “Be back in five.”

“Thank you,” Zane says fervently, as Kai sputters, “Hey, why didn’t you borrow my power?”

“Because fire is explosive, and you’ve gotta be banned from here for a reason!” Skylor calls back, ice already misting over her fingertips as she sprints inside the aquarium.

“You’d be surprised,” Kai mutters, after her retreating back.

***********************

“So,” Skylor says, flexing her right hand and wincing briefly. That last right hook she’d thrown at the guy might have been a little too hard, in hindsight. But he was being a jerk, and threatening to set off a bomb near the little seahorses — and it did do the trick, so now the aquarium can have the host of cop cars off its back. Skylor feels pretty accomplished in her good deed for the day, actually. “Why, again, couldn’t you guys have taken care of that yourselves? Not that I minded,” she adds, quickly. Using the ice element had been fun. She’d forgotten what she could do with Zane’s powers.

Kai gives a nervous laugh that’s so fake it almost hurts, especially with the pained expression he makes at the end. Zane just rubs his temple with a hand, looking eternally weary.

“Like I said, we are legally not permitted to enter the aquarium, until…when was it again, Kai?”

“Five years from now,” Kai mutters. “Or whenever the director dies.”

“Yes, five years from now,” Zane repeats, with a dead sort of look in his eyes. “So your assistance was very much appreciated. Thank you.”

“It was no problem, but — wait, hold on, how are you banned from the aquarium for five years?” she stutters. “I mean, I can get Lloyd and Nya with the ramen place—”

“Ha! They told you about that? It was great—”

“Kai, please.”

“—and I can understand Kai, but you, Zane?”

She feels a little guilty for calling him out so bluntly, but it’s Zane. Zane doesn’t just get banned from places, she has to know. And he doesn’t look too upset at the question. Kai looks mildly betrayed, but not that much. They both know Skylor’s point is too valid for him to argue with effectively.

Zane gives another bone-weary sigh. “There is a small chance, that there was a time we were pursuing another villain here, and during that battle, I might have…underestimated the amount of ice I was putting out.” Zane shifts, looking pained. “Which in turn accidentally spread to any bodies of liquid that happened to be nearby at the time, which perhaps were filled with rather expensive aquatic life.”

“You froze a fish exhibit,” Skylor deadpans.

“They were merely in extreme hibernation,” Zane grits out. “They would have been fine, had Kai not tried to fix the ice.”

“Hey, it made sense! I could melt it quickest!”

“Except you didn’t just melt it, did you? No, you had an entire fish fry—”

“The poor fish,” Skylor says, staring at them blankly. “What were they?”

“Like, these rainbow fish, from way up north, I think?” Kai says. “I swear I didn’t make it that hot.”

“The water was boiling, Kai!”

“You fish murderer,” Skylor says, the corners of her mouth trembling with the laugh she’s holding back. Kai glares at Zane, then her, then Zane again.

“I didn’t freeze them solid.”

“Whatever the cause of their death, they died, and we’re banned now,” Zane says, hastily. “End of story. Would you like to take this back to the Bounty, Skylor? I know the others have been wanting to see you, and we can at least offer you tea in thanks.” He eyes the grocery bags Kai’s still holding. “Unless, of course, you wish to return home…”

“Nah, tea sounds good,” she smiles. “Besides, I bought the snack cakes for you guys to try anyways. They’ve got little squashed ninja faces in icing on ‘em.”

“You’re the best,” Kai says, looking somewhat relieved, and oh, he definitely ate one while Skylor was in there. She’s going to have to pay him back for that one…

“Tell me something I don’t know,” she says airily, figuring she’ll take her revenge later. “You can tell me more about the fish massacre on our way back. By the way, Pixal wouldn’t happen to have heard this story, would she?”

Zane gives her a look, and she almost feels bad about it. “I’m going to regret inviting you, aren’t I.”

“Maybe,” she grins. “Jury’s still out.”

3. An Entire Drugstore Chain

Wednesdays are always busy at the noodle shop, for reasons Skylor has yet to figure out. Fridays she understands, but the middle of the week? Nothing kills your drive like knowing you’re going to do this all over again in a day.

It’s good money for the shop though, she reminds herself as she locks up that evening. Any money is good money for the shop, because her stupid dad made sure she’d have a real hole to dig herself out of there, but Wednesday money is always especially good. Even if she ends up leaving the shop late and can’t get the noodle smell from her hair for the next three days.

Normally, she’d trudge home and crash into bed after these kind of shifts. But tonight is different, because she stayed long enough at the Bounty yesterday to get invited to game night, and once you’ve promised the ninja you’re going to bring snacks for Monopoly, you can’t just say no. Not unless you want Lloyd to shoot betrayed glares at you the rest of the month.

Besides, she’s promised Kai she’ll sneak out to the movies with him afterwards, and she can’t just go breaking that promise. Plus, she’s not heartless enough to deny Cole cake when he’s got the most spectacular black eye she’s seen all year bruising up around the left side of his face.

“Lucky hit,” Cole grumbles, after she’s been caught staring too long. She hasn’t wanted to ask him about it, since it seems a sensitive subject and he’s already taking the time to help her pick up (carry) all the snacks. But it’s impossible to miss, even in the dim streetlights they’re walking under, and Skylor cares about her friends, thank you very much. “We busted some drug dealers today, and I got too relaxed.”

“They normally really aren’t any match for you, to be fair,” Skylor offers.

“They weren’t this time either, that’s the sad thing,” Cole says, scrubbing a hand through his thick hair as they wait at the stoplight. “This was all on me. I kinda deserved it.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” Skylor tries to console him, even though the ugly red at the edge of his eye says otherwise.

Cole gives her a bleak look. “Jay made a joke, and I laughed at it. And then I got hit across the face with a baseball bat, mid-laugh.”

“Ouch,” Skylor hisses through her teeth. “Never mind, that’s bad. Was it a good joke, at least?”

“No, that’s the thing,” Cole groans, as the light finally turns red, allowing them to cross the street. “It was terrible. And I still laughed hard enough not to notice a bat coming for my face.”

Skylor grimaces. “You were just being a good friend, I guess,” she says, and Cole snorts. “Like you are to me, right now,” she continues, glancing ruefully at the shopping list she’s been sent. “I was going to say I had it handled, then I actually looked at everything you guys asked for.”

Cole laughs sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s…that’s us, I guess. Sorry about that. We’re paying for it all, don’t worry.”

“What?” Skylor blinks. Oh no, no way. The ninja have done enough for her, the least she can do is cover a couple bags of popcorn and like ten things of M&M’s. “No, I got it. I owe you guys, anyways.”

Cole bristles. “No way. We owe you, if anything. The amount of times you’ve covered our tab at the noodle shop?”

“How about the amount of times you’ve saved my noodle shop?” Skylor shoots back. “That outweighs a few measly tabs.”

“The only reason we had to save it was because we were there in the first place,” Cole points out. “We’re danger magnets.”

“I’m sorry, I’m the daughter of Chen, remember?” Skylor huffs. “I can attract enemies all by myself.”

“Not as many as we do,” Cole says. “Also! You helped us beat Chen, and get Zane back. We’re eternally indebted to you.”

Skylor narrows her eyes. “Only after I stabbed you all in the back. So I eternally owe you.”

“Bold of you to assume we haven’t all stabbed each other in the back at some point,” Cole scoffs. “Trust me, you’re nowhere as bad as Lloyd — he like, single-handedly ruined our whole month by letting a bunch of snakes out.”

Skylor pauses at that, torn between refuting his argument and asking how in the world Lloyd, of all people, could possibly manage to wreak enough havoc to—

Actually, she doesn’t have any trouble believing that at all. But to be sure— “Lloyd let the Serpentine out? All by himself?”

Cole looses a bit of his fire, and scuffs his shoe awkwardly across the sidewalk. “I mean, we did give him a pretty hard time when he was like, eight years old and homeless and starving, so uh, it might’ve been a little...provoked.”

“FSM’s sake,” Skylor mutters, staring at the sky and trying not to be surprised, because she really shouldn’t by now. “I can’t believe you guys are all still alive.”

“Neither can we, if it helps,” Cole shrugs, grinning. “But you know, technically—”

“If you make another ghost joke, we’re skipping the cake section,” Skylor says, firmly.

Cole sulks. “Jay would’ve made a ghost joke,” he mutters.

“Jay also got you hit in the face by a bat, so his judgement is questionable as it is,” Skylor shakes her head. “Oh! There’s a drugstore right here, wanna hit that instead?”

“Sure,” Cole says. “As long as it’s not…oh.”

Skylor makes it another three steps before she realizes that Cole’s fallen behind. Confused, she turns to stare at him where he’s frozen on the sidewalk, looking up at the bright red drugstore sign and biting his lip.

“Everything okay back there?” Skylor says, wondering if he didn’t get hit in the head harder than he’s let on. Cole nods, but he also takes several steps back out of the streetlight, hiding himself from view of the store.

“Here’s an idea,” he says, suddenly. “How about we go anywhere else.”

Skylor stares at him, a sinking feeling in her chest coupled with the slowly-growing-familiar sense of déjà-vu. “Cole.” He doesn’t meet her eyes, and Skylor sighs. “Please tell me you haven’t been banned from somewhere, too.”

“It’s not just me, Lloyd and Jay also got banned,” Cole snaps, before realizing his mistake and ducking his head.

“You’re kidding me,” Skylor says flatly, looking back at the drugstore, then to Cole. “This is like, the shadiest drugstore on this side on Ninjago. How?”

Cole mumbles something under his breath, and Skylor strains to make it out. “Sorry, what was that?”

“I kind of, um, threw Lloyd through their wall,” Cole mutters again, looking as if he’d like very much to disappear entirely into the street side. Which is funny, because—

His sentence finally registers, and Skylor blinks rapidly. “Wait, you what?”

Cole’s eyes widen, and waves his arms quickly. “Not like — not like Garmadon-throwing him through a wall! He was fine after.”

Skylor has a brief, bizarre kind of moment to digest the fact that there is a distinction for throwing the youngest of their team through a wall, before Cole continues.

“I was aiming for the window — that one right there, see? The robbers were already on the move, so Lloyd was like ‘launch me, Cole’ and I said ‘great idea’, but we were also maybe high on adrenaline at the time and I forgot how much of my lava punch I had going, so I overshot and ended up smashing him through their wall, a little bit.”

“You smashed him through their wall. Just a little bit.”

“Hey, it worked. He took out all five guys in one go and only had a tiny concussion after—”

“How do you even have a tiny concussion—”

“I still don’t get why they were so mad, I mean we stopped the robbery! Sure, half their storefront wall sort of collapsed afterwards, but like, we got their money back.”

“So that’s why they were closed six months for renovations,” Skylor groans into her hands.

Cole crosses his arms, glaring stubbornly at the store’s sign. “It wasn’t six months,” he protests. “It was only like, four. I don’t see how that gives them the right to ban us for life.”

“For life—” Skylor can’t decide if she wants to laugh at him, or cry because her list of places she can hang out with the ninja is shrinking faster than she’d thought possible. She finally blows her breath out, rubs a hand across her face, and glances back down at the shopping list.

“You aren’t banned from the one on eighth street, are you?”

Cole bites his lips. “We’re uh, banned from all of them. It’s a chain store, so…”

“Of course,” Skylor sighs. “Walmart it is, then.”

And if anyone pesters them about being late, she’s going to ask how many times, exactly, somebody’s smashed Lloyd through a wall. Because really. This is getting ridiculous.

4. Bed Bath & Beyond

Thursday is normally her day off, but whatever she had for dinner last night gave her freaky dreams, so Skylor ends up puttering around the shop early that morning just to take her mind off it. It’s a bit overcast outside, and the forecast predicts rain, so Skylor’s already making plans to curl up in her bed and watch movies all day, and maybe get a bit of laundry done.

She should know better.

It’s a commonly known fact that the ninja, Kai especially, would do pretty much anything for their pseudo-little brother. Skylor’s actually heard Kai, on multiple occasion, threaten to die for Lloyd, then immediately try and make it reality. No one ever really appreciates that, Lloyd especially, but Skylor can give him credit for trying.

However, it’s a commonly overlooked fact that Lloyd would do anything for his pseudo-older siblings. It’s an even more commonly overlooked fact that Lloyd is the spawn of satan, and was raised at a boarding school for future villains and terrible children. Combined, these two facts mean that while you should definitely fear Lloyd trying to die for you, you should probably fear him trying to look out for you more, because it’s likely going to end with somebody dead. Or at least the total disruption of your plans for the day, as Skylor opens the shop windows to come face with an absolutely terrifying expression on Lloyd’s face, followed up by a deadly calm “Kai came home sad last night.”

Skylor scrubs at her eyes, and thinks, it’s too early for this.

A while back, when she was still stuck with her jerk of a father, Skylor might have found Lloyd’s part-Oni expression of doom intimidating. Now, however, she just rolls her eyes, and sticks one of the little ‘50% Off!’ stickers she’s been putting on rice cakes across his forehead.

“The dog died in the last movie we saw last night,” she explains, as Lloyd sputters at her.

He pauses, nose wrinkling. “Oh,” he says. “Boo.”

“Yeah,” she says, stepping back and allowing him to neatly front-flip through her window. Darned show-off kid, she thinks despairingly, watching him land perfectly on her freshly-waxed floors.

“Well, you’re good then, I guess,” he says, expression lightening. “That makes sense. How many movies did you make it into this time, by the way?”

“Only four this time,” Skylor sighs, turning to plaster the rest of her stickers on the nearly-expired rice cake packages. “We caught the beginning of that new superhero movie, then the opening fight of some spy movie, and the middle of that one horror movie with the dolls.” Lloyd shudders. “Yeah, Kai wasn’t a fan either. Anyways, we made it into this new romance one, but we ran into a theater employee on the way in and Kai had a guilt attack, so we stayed until the end of that one.”

Lloyd tsks. “Oh, Kai. And he’s so sold on his bad boy image.”

“One day he’ll embrace the fact that he’s just a big softie,” Skylor nods. “One of these days.”

“Yeah, when hell freezes over,” Lloyd snorts. He glances around at the empty shop, then back at her. “Hey, today’s your day off, right?”

Skylor gets a sinking kind of feeling in her stomach at that, alarm bells going off in the back of her head. “It might be,” she says, warily.

“Good,” Lloyd grins. “You should come to Bed Bath and Beyond with us, then.”

Well, she wasn’t expecting that. “Why…would you be going there?” she asks, blankly. Do they have a secret ninja weapon bargain bin she’s been missing out on? Is Bed Bath & Beyond secretly hosting an illegal crime ring she’s been unaware of? Does she need to return the shower curtain rings she bought there last week on basis of being a good citizen?

“Zane froze the blender solid before practice this morning,” Lloyd explains, his mouth twisting a bit. “We were making smoothies and someone accidentally brought up the Never Realm.”

“Ouch,” Skylor winces sympathetically. She’s still not heard the entire story of what went down during the ninja’s jaunt out of realm, besides a whole lot of panicked texts from Pixal and half-explanations from Kai, but she knows it wasn’t fun, especially for poor Zane.

“Yeah,” Lloyd sighs. “So now our blender is dead and we can’t make smoothies anymore, so we’re buying a new one before Nya can start strangling people. Wanna come?”

Skylor eyes him shrewdly. At face, it’s an innocent enough request. She’s certainly been invited to worse places than a household furnishings store, and picking up a blender is quite possibly the simplest thing the ninja have ever asked her to do. Which probably just means it’s going to go horribly and the store’s going to blow up ten minutes in, but hey, Skylor’s day was looking pretty boring anyway.

“Sure, why not,” she shrugs. “Lemme stick the last of these on, and I’m in. Just — hey, no, I’m selling those!”

Lloyd freezes in place, the rice cake package dangling from his fingers. He gives her the most pathetically sad-eyed look she’s ever seen, and not for the first time, Skylor finds herself wondering how this is the same kid who runs a highly-skilled ninja team of unimaginable power.

“Just the one,” she finally relents, because Skylor is a spineless weakling when it comes to puppy eyes, apparently. Lloyd beams, snatching the cakes up happily. “And just because you look like a starving vagrant again.”

“I do not,” Lloyd protests, through a muffled mouthful of rice cake. “I’m just super in shape. I’m jacked as heck.”

Skylor rolls her eyes. “Sure you are, you — hey, I said just one!”

***********************

So Skylor ends up at Bed Bath & Beyond on her day off, five minutes after the store’s opened for the day, and already wishing she’d slept in later.

Nya brings her coffee, though, and their bright-eyed enthusiasm at reclaiming their means of smoothie-making is infectious, so Skylor finds herself in high spirits as they walk through the store doors, almost to the point where she lets Lloyd go for stealing all her rice cakes.

However, she’s already let him get away with too much as it is, so Skylor decides to take her revenge by ruffling Lloyd’s hair, before informing the sales lady that it’s her “darling little brother’s thirteenth birthday, and he’s finally outgrown his kiddie bed, could you point us to the big kid ones, please?”

Lloyd’s attempts at strangling her are thwarted by Nya as the lady smiles airily, before pointing them to the back, and Zane has to drag Kai along with them before he suffocates on the laughter he’s choking back.

“Family shopping trips are always so much fun,” Jay remarks, as they browse the bedding section, having been successfully distracted by the animal-shaped pillows. They’ve already had to flee the lamp section, after Lloyd and Jay started having a little too much fun, despite Kai’s despair over being robbed yet again of a new lava lamp.

“One day,” he mourns. “One day, I will own another.”

Skylor pats his back consolingly. “I’m sure that’s what everyone else whose lava lamps got smashed by a giant stone colossi say.”

“I still don’t see why we can’t invest in a cappuccino maker,” Nya pouts, as they pass the coffee appliances section. “Look, there’s one on sale, too!”

“Because you can and will abuse the use of it, and then someone will end up going to the hospital for extreme heart rate elevation,” Zane glares pointedly at her. Skylor smothers a laugh as Nya scowls.

“I’m not that bad,” she grumbles under her breath, only for the others to all chime “ice cube incident” in unison. Nya goes a dark shade of red and glares at the floor as if she’s capable of lighting it on on fire with her eyes, but she doesn’t argue back.

Skylor doesn’t even want to know.

“Alright, here are our options,” Cole announces, when they’ve finally fought their way to the blender shelves. “We can get the same one we had, just a little smaller, or we can get this other one that’s half-off.” He squints at both tags. “Having looked at our bank account recently, I vote the half-off one.”

“No way,” Jay argues. “Do you see how small that one is? I can’t make my triple-espresso energy-drink smoothie with that!”

Lloyd stares at him in concern. “That’s…probably a good thing?”

Jay glares at him. “You’re one to talk, Mr. night owl.”

“I’m with Jay, that one’s way too small,” Nya says. “It won’t do.”

“What, and the other one’s better?” Kai shoots back. “Look how cheap it is, I could break this thing in my sleep.”

“The online reviews for both are perfectly fine,” Zane adds, half-heartedly, as if he already knows they’re all going to ignore that particular statement.

“What about this one?” Jay says, his eyes lighting up as he gestures to the extra-large, fancy blender. “Think of all the smoothies we could make, Cole. Think of the milkshakes.”

Cole pinches the bridge of his nose. “We are not investing in some fancy blender, just for you to complain it’s too complicated five seconds in.”

Skylor crosses over to the blenders, glancing at both. “I mean, you could always just return it…later…” She trails off, realizing that everyone’s suddenly gone deadly silent. She looks up, and starts as she comes face to face with the store manager, who is frozen in place, his mouth half-open as he stares at them with wide eyes. Behind her, Skylor is highly aware of six ninja going similarly still, all utterly quiet.

“You,” the manager finally squeaks out. “You are’t supposed to — you can’t be in here, not again—”

“On second thought, let’s get a blender next week,” Cole says, quickly.

“Yeah, I can live without smoothies a little longer,” Jay agrees, rapidly paling.

Skylor’s at a loss. “What’s going—”

Before she can finish that sentence, Kai and Nya both have hands on her arm and pull, hauling her along as they break into a dead sprint for the exit.

“Explain later!” Kai yelps, dodging employees as the manager shakes his fist at them, his yelling following them through the doors.

“I filed six restraining orders! Six!” he shrieks as they slip out. “Do you know how long that took?! Two of them don’t even exist in the legal system!”

Skylor doesn’t miss the incredibly unsubtle fist bump Lloyd and Zane share, nor the near-tears sigh of despair from Cole.

She really, really doesn’t want to know.

***********************

Except that maybe she does, so there’s nothing stopping her from asking as they walk home, having bought smoothies from the corner store instead (that they are not banned from, which Skylor is starting to think might be miraculous).

“I don’t know why I’m surprised at this point, but how did you get banned this time?” she asks them, after a particularly long sip of smoothie. “Did you demolish half the store there, too?”

The ninja are silent for a moment, all refusing to meet her eyes. Then—

“It was Jay’s fault,” Cole declares.

Jay whirls on him, his expression wounded. “I trusted you,” he whines. “And you — you bed bath and betrayed me.”

“Because you bed bath and blew up the bedding aisle!”

“It was the kitchen electrics aisle, give me some credit.”

“Oh, because that’s so much better.”

“It is, do you know how hard I’d have to be trying to blow up the bedding aisle? It’s all weighted blankets and like, silk and stuff, no conduction at all—”

Skylor returns to her previous stance on not wanting to know, sips her smoothie in silence as they break into loud arguing in the middle of the street, and hopes once again that no one’s getting any pictures of this.

5. Jamanakai Village Candy Shop

Friday’s her busy day, so Skylor’s spared any chaos other than a jammed mixing machine for the day. It doesn’t come to a head until Saturday, when she cautiously accepts the ninjas' invitation to scout out potential terrorist activity in Jamanakai.

The terrorists turn out to be punk kids who got a little too obsessed with the idea of the Golden Master, which is an unfortunate choice of role model for them, when they have to face up to the ninja. Zane just looks mildly annoyed though, and Lloyd stares into the sun for a full minute before rolling his eyes, so the kids make it out alive.

“We weren’t going to kill them, geez,” Jay says. “Maybe just…lecture them, a bit.”

“Oh yeah, lecture them,” Kai scowls, cracking his knuckles. “The Golden Master, are they kidding?”

“To be fair, they don’t have the same experiences we do,” Cole points out, but he doesn’t look too opposed to the knuckle-cracking, either.

“No harm was done,” Zane says, a bit wearily. “We should simply let it go."

“I dunno, I say we should’ve hung them from a roof for a bit,” Lloyd says, evenly.

The other ninja all cringe in unison, except for Nya, who smothers a coughing sort of laugh. Skylor stares at them, bewildered. “Why would you hang them from a roof?”

“Not sure,” Lloyd says, his lips twitching. “Probably because crime doesn’t pay, muchacho, or something like that—”

“Alright, alright, we get it,” Kai says hastily, clapping a hand over Lloyd’s mouth.

“The guys would know,” Nya smirks, ignoring the looks of utter betrayal she’s getting. “That’s what they did to Lloyd, wasn’t it?”

“Nya, why,” Jay moans into his hands.

“You — hung Lloyd from a roof?” Skylor repeats, thrown for a loop. “Why on earth would you do that? What if he like, fell and died?”

“He was fine,” Cole assures her, hastily.

Lloyd is quick to protest, glaring at them. “No I wasn’t, it was literally scarring! Look, I got this scar from scraping my arm when I fell — oh, wait, oops, that one’s from the Never Realm, it’s this one here.” Lloyd winces as he finishes, suddenly looking contrite as he shoots Zane an apologetic look. “The Never Realm one was from Boreal though, don’t worry.”

Zane looks down, his face shadowed. “It was still my—”

“Nuh-uh,” Jay cuts over him, wagging his finger. “Remember the rule?”

Zane hesitates, looking as if he’d very much like to remember no such thing, but he finally slumps, relenting. “Scars dealt to each other while under the influence of malicious possession by person and/or ancient malevolent artifacts do not count, regardless of extenuating circumstances or deep inner psychological issues that may be brought to light during said influence,” he quotes dully, on a defeated sort of sigh.

Skylor doesn’t know whether to be impressed at that, or depressed that it needed existence in the first place.

“Exactly,” Jay nods. “Which means that any scars from you, Zane, or Lloyd — oh, and Kai, I guess — and Cole, technically, with the Hypnobrai that one time— wow, that’s, hm, that’s a lot of us.”

“If you count the dark matter, we’ve all been possessed,” Zane says, drily.

“Not me!” Kai says, mock-cheerfully.

Jay shakes his head. “Nobody got scars while we were on dark matter! I checked.”

“Why are you saying it like we were on drugs or something?”

“Speak for yourself,” Lloyd scowls. “I’ve still got that stupid ankle one.” He glares at the offending ankle, as if it’s personally disappointed him.

“That was the Overlord, not us,” Nya reminds him. “And uh, your dad, technically.”

Lloyd’s scowl just deepens, his eyebrows tilting downwards hotly. “If I had a dollar for every scar that’s from my dad…”

“I hear you,” Skylor sighs. “Dad scars are the worst. They really know where to hit.”

“Right? It’s always personal with them,” Lloyd shakes his head. “Dads are the worst.”

A beat passes before they both realize the others have fallen quiet. Her and Lloyd blink, and Skylor fights back the urge to cringe at the looks they’re now receiving.

“Well,” Jay says, bleakly. “This is a, um, miserable turn.”

“Hey, hey, no sad faces,” Lloyd scolds, reaching for Kai’s face, which is indeed sporting a pathetically teary-eyed kind of look. “Get that look off your face, off, off—”

“I’m not — stoppit — I’m just— hey, stop it— that’s my face, you brat—”

“Guys, c’mon, cut it out, you’re making a scene,” Cole scolds, pulling them both apart. “How about we stop and get ice cream before we go, okay? To like, cheer us up. Because that was completely depressing, no offense, guys.”

“None taken,” Skylor says, as Lloyd nods in agreement. Cole looks relieved, even if Kai’s still looking a little weepy, and he directs them down another street, heading toward a brightly labeled ice cream shop. Skylor can see tiny rows of candy inside, and there are a bunch of kids gathered around the little stand the owner’s set up at the door. It’s a cute place, all in all — the candy looks good, and it seems pretty cheap.

So it makes zero sense that Lloyd, of all people, would suddenly go painfully tense in the middle of the street, and refuse to take another step forward.

“I can’t go in there,” he whispers.

Skylor’s having that sense of déjà vu again. The rest of the ninja trade confused glances.

“Uh, Lloyd?” Kai says, hesitantly. “They sell candy in there, you know.”

“I know,” Lloyd grinds out, his teeth clenched painfully together. “I’ve been in there before.”

“You have?” Cole frowns. “You — oh.” Realization dawns in his eyes, and he’s suddenly biting his lip, holding back laughter. “Oh, I forgot.”

“Forgot wha—” Jay looks between the two of them, then back at the shop, before something sparks in his eyes as well, and he doubles over in laughter.

“Shut up,” Lloyd hisses.

“Why are we laughing at Lloyd,” Skylor finally sighs, as Kai and Zane break into barely-stifled giggles as well, and Nya rolls her eyes.

“So, um,” Lloyd swallows, shifting anxiously from side to side. “You know how I said they hung me from a roof? There might’ve, uh, been a reason for that.”

“Of course there was,” Skylor says.

“I kind of threatened them, a little bit, and uh, tried to steal half their shop, one time.”

“Of course you did.”

“Lloyd,” Nya sighs. “That was forever ago.”

“I stole from them,” Lloyd bites out. “If I show my face in there again, they’ll kill me."

“I highly doubt they will resort to murder, Lloyd,” Zane says, flatly. “Besides, you did not actually succeed in stealing anything, because we caught you and hung you from a roof. Remember?”

“Yeah, and then I came back with the Serpentine, and made it worse!” Lloyd exclaims. “Just go in without me, I’ll sit out here and cry.”

“We’re not just gonna leave you outside,” Kai rolls his eyes. “C’mon, let’s mend some old wounds. Just go inside and apologize.”

“I would literally rather die.”

“Lloyd, seriously.”

“I’ve done it before, don’t test me.”

“Lloyd.”

“You can’t make me, I’ll fight you—”

“Alright, alright, we’ll find a different shop!”

***********************

“Okay, I have to know,” Skylor finally asks, as they pass the outskirts of the village, heading back to the Bounty. “How many places are you all banned from, in total? Because this is ridiculous. I can’t take you anywhere.”

“I mean, you can’t take us anywhere even without the bans, anyways,” Cole says wearily. “To be fair.”

“We’re not that bad,” Lloyd protests, only to wilt immediately under Skylor’s stare. “There are just…a few places…”

“Zane, how many is it now,” Nya asks, rubbing her temples.

Zane is quiet for a moment, slowly ticking off his fingers as he stares upwards. “Did we ever decide if that one museum counted?”

“The vote was yes,” Jay mutters.

“And the Explorer’s Club, did we decide that one?”

“I’d say that’s a pretty hard ban,” Lloyd winces.

Nya huffs, crossing her arms. “I still say it doesn’t count, because like, everyone’s banned from there, with their stupid stuck-up membership requirements.”

Zane takes this into account, his eyebrows furrowing. “That leaves us with…seventeen places we cannot return to, I believe? Unless I missed one.”

Skylor’s left wordless, gaping at them. She knew there was a lot, but seventeen—?!

“I’m almost a hundred percent sure we’re also banned from the Never Realm,” Kai points out. Zane gives him the iciest look Skylor’s ever seen. Kai simply shrugs. “What? Just stating the facts.”

Lloyd frowns. “I don’t think we are? I mean, Akita wouldn’t—”

“Oh, Akita wouldn’t,” Jay cuts over him, a gleam in his eyes. “Would she, casanova?”

Lloyd goes scarlet, sputtering. “I told you, she kissed me! On the cheek! I just stood there, you can’t—” He buries his face in his hands, and despite her amusement (and rampant curiosity, because this is Lloyd and kissing), Skylor feels bad for him. “I can’t believe I ever told any of you about that,” he whines, sounding tragically upset with himself.

“You were the one having a mental breakdown over it,” Nya reminds him, almost gently. “You need to work on setting boundaries, bud.”

“It’s not like I didn’t tell her I had horrible issues with romance!” Lloyd throws his hands up, frustrated. “Because I did, in painfully honest detail—”

“And yet you refuse to open up to me about it,” Kai says plaintively.

“Turn into a dog for a bit, you might get lucky,” Lloyd grumbles.

Skylor doesn’t want to know. She really, really doesn’t want to know. “Well,” she finally says. “I do know one place you aren’t banned from.”

They all look up at her, and Skylor shakes her head. “You fly me back to the shop in time for dinner, and noodles are on the house tonight.”

Six faces brighten considerably. “Seriously?” Cole says. “Skylor, you’re an angel.”

“Seriously, the best person ever—”

“Our favorite cryptid orange ninja there ever was—”

“Yeah, yeah, keep flattering me,” Skylor sighs, trying not to smile, and failing woefully.

She doesn’t know why she still hangs out with these people, getting banned from everywhere in the city. What a bunch of nerds.

#lego ninjago #ninjago #lloyd garmadon #kai smith #nya smith #jay walker #cole brookstone #zane julien #skylor chen #i really have no explanation for this at all #except that i wanted to give skylor more love than i've given her #my fic

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typhoontroubadour · 5 years ago

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How do you guys like your tea

Some notes about the placements can be found under the cut.

Those Dead Peeps: Don’t know anything about so I can’t make a real judgement on any of them.

Fuck You Guys: Self explanatory.

Mishima: Mishima gets a lower tier than everyone else cuz he was the first to die so we spent the least amount of time with him, and despite the fact he keeps coming back in some way or another I still can’t make myself care about him THAT much. That being said, I haven’t yet played island mode where he’s the only player character so that might sway my judgement later.

Ranger: While a bastard he’s a very entertaining bastard. That alone I think warrants him above the Fuck You tier. And also, while I still hold him accountable, his dad was the dick who left him without positive emotions and led to him taking the actions he does.

Safalin: I was thinking about putting her a tier above where she is but I don’t think she deserves to be on the same tier as the charcaters above her. She’d likely need her own middle ground tier as my fave doll.

Sara: Probably the first real eyebrow raiser. Sara while being a good and expressive character I feel is one of the most generic and average out of the group so far. Note that I said so far. She’s steadily become more complex as the story unfolds. I hope by the end and we find out what her deal is that the orginization wants her so badly I can bump her up at least one more ranking. To compare the series to Danganronpa (something no one has ever done before) in terms of protagonist level, she’s kinda like Makoto to me. There’s nothing wrong with her, but I just feel the future protags are more complex, in due no small part from being able to learn from writing for the first game onwards.

Reko; Alright, listen. I like Reko. I think she’s a good character. But compared to Sara and even her brother? (congrats to the trans fans for being fed that good shit btw) I just feel rather lukewarm about her. Reko and Alice are kinda comparable as rather abrasive characters with a softer side to them. I always can appreciate a character who can he tough but care for or look after the weaker ones. But at the same time that character alone can only get so far in my eyes. I think she’s missing some crucial piece of charcater to her to really make her stand out as her own. Something truly unique about her to let her stand on her own two feet. Until that day comes, I just see Reko as that cool big sister who got me through the dancing sub game.

Q-taro: This one’s pretty simple, I feel like I want to like him more than I do but can’t. I honestly thought he’d be dead by the end of chapter 2 when playing through it. It kind of feels like we’ve seen the extent of his character already through where we are in the sotry. I also find his character to sometimes flipflop back and forth sometimes? Like how he goes from the first main game saying we can’t nominate the kids to not willing to take the stinger for Gin. He seems like he really cares about trust and believing in people (other than Shin) but then chapter 2 happens and he kinda loses it? I dunno, it’s reasonable for someone to crack, but for him, to me, it feels like there needed to be more of a build up of seeing him start to collapse a bit. And then his shady behavior kinda gets pushed aside cwhen he works with Keiji and the focus shifts away from him. Don’t some of you think he can come off as if changing his alliances when they’re convienant for him? Long story short, he just seems kind of like a mess to me that needs sorted out to make sense of at the moment.

Joe/Jou: However you prefer to spell it, I think we can all agree he is a very good boi. Not much to say that hasn’t already been said on him.

Alice: I rank him higher than his sister cuz I just think he’s a slighter better version of her character and more enjoyable to read. Kinda sad to see him go.

Kai: Kai was someone who if I ranked these guys simply on the stuff we knew about them from chapter 1 I’d likely put in the average tier, but thanks to chpater 2 he’s risen a rank. He’s a very fascinating character I hope continues to have some sort of presence in the final chapter. I kinda feel like he’s done now that we’ve cleaned out his laptop, but I can hope. He also gets props for smacking Miley upside the head.

Keiji: Do I even need to say anything? No? Didn’t think so.

Sou/Shin: Remember all I said about Q-taro? Yeah, I feel Shin is that but it actually makes sense and he’s just a real interesting charcater to see act and react to things. He is a great love to hate character for me. I’m very interested to see how he’s handled in chapter 3 as someone who chose to have him live the end of chapter 2.

As a quick break before moving on, to speak on the character we recently learned of, Shadow Sou, just Sou Hiyori, whatever, while we still don’t know anything of him, I think we can all put aside our differences to want to jump this smelly bad man. I would take pleasure in seeing him hooked up to a punishment machine and having a bot set up to mash a button meant to prolong his suffering. That is all.

Gin: Let me be 100% clear right now. Everyone in this tier is here purely for being my fave. Do they deserve to be this high regardless? Your results may vary, but I believe so. I love Gin so much. He’s so good. He is the final alive member of the group who must be protected at all costs. I’m glad he’s found his own use to the group as the story went on. I didn’t know how to feel about him at the start of the game, Kind of like Kai I didn’t feel really attached to him. But the more I was able to be with him, the more the little guy grew on me. He is my adoptive little bro and I will visit him everyday and make sure to play with him. I really hope nothing bad happens to him in chapter 3, but I’m also so worried we’ll have more damage done to Sara’s mental fortitude before the end to try to breka her further. And I feel like that can only really come from losing Gin or Keiji at this point to sting as much as when Joe did.

Nao: Oh, Nao. My sweet baby. I think I should start this off by saying what I think all fans of Nao would like to sy to the game. How about you go fuck yourself? I’m serious, Nao gets shit on through the whole game leading to her end in chapter 2. What do you guys have against Nao? She’s great and I would’ve happily traded away her sacrifice card for my own. She’s so pure and trying to do her best and be a better person without realying so heavily on tohers like Mishima. But, I’d be an idiot to just ignore the fact she did kinda fulfill that before her end. You could easily argue she kinda already reached the end of her arc as a character. She finally reached that point the others that supported her thought she could be. Am I still sad to see her go? Of course I am. Do I find it a satisfactory end for her character? I say I’m glad she was at least able grow into herself before dropping her. And that’s you can really ask of a game like this.

Kanna: Last but not least we have dear, sweet, precious Kanna. It was rough choosing to vote against her at the end of chapter 2. That’s something I’ll have to see the consequences of on a repeat playthrough once the game is complete. I took her words to heart and let her protect Sara the only way she knew how. I hope she’s able to rest easy with her sister. I think Kanna, much like Gin, fit that good child charcater trait of being able to see the good in people depsite some things about them in that naively and pure way only a kid can. I like how depsite everything, she put her faith into Sara and Shin to the very end. If there’s one thig to respect about her character it’s that she stuck to her guns like Joe despite knowing her end was likely coming.

To anyone who read this whole thing top to bottom, or skipped around to the characters they cared about and made it down here to read about Kanna and noticed this last little spiel, you are the mvps, and I hope your faves make it out alive.

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thatyanderecritic · 6 years ago

Text

Deathless

Title: Deathless

Media: Book, Author: Catherynne Valente

Yandere(s): Koschei the Deathless (Or as Julie and I like to call him: “Kosher”)

Yandere Scale: 1/5 (Julie: 0/5)

Criticism written by: Kai

Editor: Julie

Before we begin, Julie and I have two different views on this book. To keep things clean, I did the review while Julie did an analysis; which you can read here.

The Review:

Sigh… Kai here, back with another review. This time I’ll be reviewing the confusing and difficult to follow novel: Deathless. Bear with me as we go down this rabbit hole of a review.

Now booting Kai 2.0 … Version: Salty

Deathless is a story about… uh… Deathless is a tale about a girl named Marya (Mary? Maria? Idk how to pronounce any of these Russian names if it’s not Ivan or Dimitri.) who get whisked away by the tsar of life: Kosher- I mean Koschei and become his wife. In the beginning of the book, Marya was seduced by Koshei and his magical lifestyle. After succeeding in the three tasked made by Baba Yaga (yeah, IDFK. Apparently the Baba Yaga and Koschei are siblings), Baba Yaga gives her blessing to Marya and Koschei’s wedding. But Marya was warned that she would leave Koschei in the future and fall in love with a man named Ivan. Marya swears that’ll never happen; she’ll kill Ivan and eat his heart. Immediately starting in part 2, Marya falls in love with Ivan in the middle of fighting a war with Koschei’s brother (IDFK man, this shit is hard to follow). Marya runs away with Ivan and together they suffer in hunger and poverty. Koschei goes running to Marya and begs for her to take him back. Marya locks Koschei up in her basement (fuck man, I’m so lost) and had Ivan promise to never look in the basement. For a time, things seem to be well with Marya fucking Koschei in the day and banging Ivan at night. But Ivan, being a nosy motherfucker, looks in the basement and discovers Koschei. After Koschei tricks Ivan to give him some water to drink, Koschei regain his magic and kidnaps Marya. Now in part 3 (the final part), Marya and Koschei are living a happy married life in a small Russian town with happy villagers. Things are going swimmingly till Marya gives birth to a little girl… that little girl being the embodiment of Koschei’s death. Koschei died and Marya is freed. Turns out that Koschei had the two of them trapped in a peaceful dream within an egg. But the thing is, Koschei’s death is hidden within an egg… which is why he died (Don’t look at me, I’m fucking tripping as it is as I’m recalling the story). Now back in the real world, Marya looks for Ivan; who was dying from old age. After watching Ivan die, Marya moves on and discovers a town like the town in the dream. There, all her fairytale friends are living there as humans.Only the Baba Yaga recalls Marya and explains how Koschei’s brother won the war and turn all the mystical into the normal. Koschei is still alive in the village and Marya decided to visit him to see if he remembers her… I guess. The ending is ambiguous.

Anyways… what the fuck did I just read? Well… Julie and I technically didn’t read the full novel. Our knowledge comes from a combination of: an 11 hour audiobook of Deathless (which we didn’t finish because we were confused as fuck), the wikipedia summary, two reviews on Deathless, and the actual hard copy of the actual book (which we didn’t finish because we were confused as fuck). Let me just complain here and say this book is damn near unreadable and almost unintelligible. First, people talk as if they’re the goddamn Riddler from Batman. Characters were unable to straight up say what they mean, phrases have double meaning, and it was like reading the writings of Dr. Seuss’s less talented brother. Descriptions were just a fucking pain in the ass to comprehend. Everything about this book was a fucking mental gymnastics. Julie and I had to stop every five minutes to decode what the hell is going on.

You see that? All that flowery words bullshit? Marya is just throwing up. JUST SAY SHE’S THROWING UP AND MOVE ON. CHRIST. It took Julie and I three minutes to figure out what this description was suppose to be about. And this was one of the easier descriptions. It doesn’t even help that the story itself is just plain nonsensical. It felt like I was reading the words of the author after she puked out alphabet soup. Already, Deathless was basis on a Russian folktale that was already wild. With the combination of awful dialogue and confusing description, it was just a maze of a book to traverse.

I get some people will argue with me that this is a good book. For one, I probably just don’t understand it because it’s not my culture. Sure, you might be right. But so is the author… Catherynne is an American. Not Russian. Besides, the original folktale that Deathless is based on was easier to follow than this crap. Next argument some might have is that “Deathless is too sophisticated for your simple mind to handle.” No. It’s not. It’s ridiculously complicated for no reason. Complicated does not mean well written. There is nothing wrong with writing something simpler… you’re trying to create a novel that all adults regardless of age can understand. Truth be told, the writing in Deathless reminds me of the stuff you’ll find in creative writing class. This sort of story would get notes everywhere saying “Less description. More action” or “What do you mean? Clarify.” You're not the next Da Vinci code but a storyteller. Can’t tell a story if it ain’t readable. To compare this book, I would compare it to those research papers you would read in college. Lots of information but written by someone who’s trying to sound smart.

Moving on from my bitching, let’s talk about the one thing people care about the most: the yandere and characters. Based on what Julie and I were able to figure out, Koschie is the supposive yandere here. First let’s talk about him. Besides talking like the chester cat from Alice in Wonderland, Koschie was a surprisingly passionate guy who really cares about Marya. The best scenes with Koschie are the scenes when he isn’t talking and just physically showing his physical affections for Marya (lol). You know the phrase: “You look better with your mouth closed”? That fits perfectly for Koschie. Koschie’s physical interactions with Marya is the only straightforward thing with this entire novel.It was the rain in a desert. Anyways… even though Koschie was a passionate guy, it doesn’t make him a yandere. He breaks many of our rules… but the biggest one he broke was that Koschie still fucks other women besides Marya and keeps a collection of his past wives in a factory. I know the anon explains that these wives were actually Marya in another cycle? But honestly, it doesn’t change anything for us. Btw, anon, you’re seriously a champion for figuring that out. Julie and I did not know at all that this was supposed to be a cycle at all. Shit… I feel like we’re a part of game theory for trying to figure out what this author even means. Spoiler alert: If you have to do a conspiracy theory on your novel, your book ain’t that great.

Sorry… back to Koschie. Anyways, Koschie says some pretty words here and there. He sounds pretty yandere on paper… I guess. But Koschie bangs other chicks and lets Marya bang other dudes too on the side. Sure, I guess this is a progressive poly relationship. Good for them. But poly relationship plus yandere? It just doesn’t mix. This ain’t it chief. Koschie skims on the edge of being a yandere and being not a yandere. Sure he kidnaps Marya, kill some dudes that have the name Ivan, and say some possessive shit to her, but the actions just doesn’t line up. I don’t know… with the cycle theory in play here, I just see Koschie as a broken man who’s trying to reclaim control over his life. Not exactly a yandere per say. Like imagine: getting cuckold by some normal human, over and over again. Shit, I would go crazy too. I feel really bad for Koschie for falling in love with/having a wife like Marya. Apparently, Koschie and Marya are the same type of people but idk man… Marya is kinda of a crazy bitch too.

I’ll just briefly talk about Marya now. As we all know, a female lead defines a yandere. And Marya? Yikes man. I don’t know where to start with her. First off, Marya somehow managed to be both smart and stupid at the same time. We see that she’s clever enough to solve Baba Yaga’s tasks but she so goddamn stupid. Because of her curiosity, she’s extremely meddlesome and got Koschie almost killed even though he told her not to fuck with the egg… yet she fucks with the egg anyways. Then we jump to part two where Marya is more jaded and blames Koschie for all her misfortune (Idk). It’s not like he did anything bad to her. Honestly, reading their interactions, Koschie has been nothing but a gentleman to her. Besides the fact he bangs other women and like to do some weird power play on Marya, he’s pretty chill. If anything, she brought her own misfortune herself. She chased after Koschie because she’s fascinated by magic and wanted to be part of that world. Now that she’s part of that world, she doesn’t want to bare the burden of it anymore and return back with the humans; with Ivan. Btw, Marya wanted to sort of “keep” both Ivan and Koschie at the same time (because she’s thirsty). I mean… I get the sentiment, but Koschie literally stated that he wasn’t comfortable with that but Marya had her bitchy mode where she scratched Koschie and told him not to talk to her in that way (Weird flex but okay?). Ivan wasn’t cool with the arrangement either, hence why Marya left with Ivan. But oh the irony. Marya left with Koschie to avoid suffering, hunger, and fascination for magic but now with Ivan, Marya returned back to a life of suffering, hunger, and the normal. Again, more irony, Marya and Ivan have a fight because of their lifestyle. This is the part where Koschie comes begging at her door. And Marya, only being able to think with her vagina now, bangs Koschie and locks him in her basement. Just like how Koschie did a weird power play over Marya, Marya now does a power play over Koschie. One of the more fucked up lines Marya said to Koschie was along the lines of, “Lol. Look at you. Trapped in my basement… waiting for my attention while you abandon the war outside.” Like mega yikes my dude. I know Julie and I asked for a twisted female protagonist, but we asked for a relatable twisted female protagonist. Not… this. I guess Marya is strong? But… weird. Honestly… I lost any relatability with Marya the minute she started bouncing between Ivan and Koschie. And with how… sadistic she became towards the end, I don’t blame Koschie’s action. That’s a broken man with possible stockholm syndrome at this point.

Anyways… to summarize… I don’t know what I just read. Story is confusing. Characters are weird. I just have a bunch of puzzle pieces in my hand and a couple of yandere like lines. I suppose I can appreciate Koschie as an aesthetic. He says some pretty neat things, physically sounds sexy, and does some yandere like actions. So… I give him one yandere pity point for the attempt.... He might have shine better if the story was actually good.

Overall score: 1/10

#deathless #catherynne m. valente #book #novel #male yandere #yandere #review #opinion

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artradhikita · 5 years ago

Text

The time I started writing a comic book / graphic novel (Part 2 of idk how many, this may take a while LOL)

This is Part 2.

Click here for Part 1:

https://artradhikita.tumblr.com/post/618740135510540288/the-time-i-started-writing-a-comic-book-graphic

@azonip btw did I mention my character, Alex, was a ninja? XD

Yep, this is the first drawing of Alex in his ninja getup. Pose was referenced from a poster of Spiderman XD

So yeah, this guy is a ninja from San Francisco and his friends are werewolves basically. I started writing a story like a script of a play on a text document, not even microsoft word.

I am posting the first ever draft of the utterly ridiculous and awesome story I wrote when I was 20 (please don’t judge!). Here it is. Yes, the original title was “The Brotherhood of Wolves” which I thought was perfect until I realized there’s a movie with that title and that pissed me off because then I felt I had to change it.

Copy-paste of the original first draft:

the brotherhood of wolves

it is a dark cloudy day, a young man (alex) is working at the japanese antique shop when a strange man walks in. the man picks up a sword.

alex: can i help you? that's an ancient samurai sword used in battle. it's one of our most treasured items.

the man examines the sword. then swings it.

alex: do you have a name?

the man suddenly points it at alex and smirks. alex is surprised but doesn't flinch.

man: i know who you are alexander cadeyrn. i've been watching you for some time now. you work in an antique shop and you are the lead guitarist in your little rock band....but all that is just a cover for something more secret. and i know your secret, alexander.

alex: who are you?

man: i'm here to tell you that you and your gang are not alone, and you have enemies. we run this town and all the land around it, and we don't like it when people get in our way. i strongly suggest you and your friends leave herrington and go back to where you came from, or face the consequences. *alex glares at him* you don't want to know me, alexander, i am not a friendly man. but if you stick around, i promise i will make your life hell, and all those around you will also suffer. consider yourself warned.

puts down the sword and begins to walk away. he pauses and looks over his shoulder.

man: my name is rafa morton. don't forget it, because if you don't leave you'll be cursing my name until your last breath. *walks out the door*

alex stands there, his eyes towards the door, in deep thought.

end.

a week later...

alex is standing in front of a group of young people, talking to them.

alex: okay guys. i'm going to go pick up my sister. remember, we're just a band trying to make it in the music scene. we share this house. not a word about the brotherhood or wolves or any of that stuff. she doesn't know any of it and i'd like to keep it that way. if i had i my way i wouldn't have let her come at all, but my mom's out of town and lucy's not allowed to be at home alone all winter break. so be careful, don't slip up.

kai: chill out alex, we've managed to keep it a secret from the rest of the world. this'll be easy.

alex: the rest of the world doesn't live with us. she's going to be here for 2 weeks! please, just keep it under control until she leaves.

myrina: don't worry, if anyone steps outta line i'll put them back in. *winks*

alex: i'll be back in 20 minutes.

alex drives towards the station thinking: *damn it lucy, i don't want you to get caught up in my life. half the reason i moved so far away was to keep you from getting hurt. if my enemies find out about you they'll use you to get to me. i just know you coming here is trouble.*

alex arrives at the greyhound bus station and sees lucy with her backpack. he calls out to her and waves. lucy runs over and hugs her brother.

lucy: alex! thanks for picking me up. it's so great to see you again!

alex: it's great to see you too. i can't believe how much you've grown! sorry i missed your 18th birthday.

lucy: yeah, you owe me for that. *smiles*

they drive away and return to alex's house.

lucy: wow, this is where you live? it's a big house.

alex: it's got 5 bedrooms, i share with my band mates.

they go into the large living room and are greeted by the others.

alex: guys this is lucy. lucy this is ralph cheveyo, quan randolf, his sister myrina randolf, and you remember kai, don't you?

lucy: *waves* hi everyone. hello kai.

kai: *staring at her* lucy, wow, you've really grown up. last time i saw you was that christmas party 2 years ago. *laughs*

lucy: oh...yeah, i remember. *looks embarrassed*

lucy has a flashback. she is 16 years old and wearing a fluffy blue dress, sitting alone in a hall full of well dressed men and women. it is the christmas ball her mother's club has organized, and she is not happy to be there.

sorelle: lucy! stop frowning, you look positively miserable and it's really off-putting.

lucy: maybe that's because i am! mom, please, why did you make me wear this stupid dress, i didn't even want to come in the first place. *crosses arms and pouts*

sorelle: i worked hard to put this event together, it would be nice if my own daughter would show me some support. all the other girls are having a great time. why don't you join them.

lucy: what!? no! they're bitches.

sorelle: lucy eira cadeyrn, you watch your language!

alex enters with kai and walks over to lucy.

lucy: alex! *jumps up and hugs him* *whispers: please get me out of here!*

alex: *laughs* lucy you look like cotton candy.

sorelle: she does not! she looks lovely. as for you alex, it's good to see you back from santa cruz for the holidays. but couldn't you wear something more suitable? jeans and t-shirt just isn't classy. *pauses* oh hello kai! nice to see you. how are your parents?

kai: hi mrs. cadeyrn. they're good.

sorelle: oh look who just arrived! i'll see you later my darlings. *walks off*

lucy: hey kai.

kai: hi lucy. haven't seen you since we left for college. you've grown.

lucy: *shrugs* it happens.

alex: how's everything been?

lucy: ugh. since dad died, mom's been working twice as hard to turn me into "a lady". as you can see.

alex: *laughs* you look alright though. *lucy rolls her eyes* no really, the dress sucks but you look nice.

lucy: *smiles* thanks.

a group of girls see lucy and walk up to her.

jessica: wow, lucy.

lucy: *scowling* hi jessica.

jessica: i like your dress. it's...umm....interesting. don't you think so ashley?

ashley: yeah. what are you supposed to be, cinderella?

they giggle, lucy glares, and alex crosses his arms.

jessica: *flirtatiously* oh, hi alex! how's college life?

alex: you'll find out when you're mature enough. come on lucy, let's get going.

they walk out.

kai: ever been to a pink floyd concert, lucy?

lucy: no.

kai: you're about to.

lucy snaps out of her flashback.

kai: good times, huh?

lucy: *smiles* yeah.

alex: lucy, myrina's offered to let you stay with her in her room. you can bring your stuff up there.

myrina: come on, i'll show you around.

lucy: thanks.

they go upstairs and enter myrina's room. she sits on the bed.

myrina: you can put your stuff on that shelf. i made a little space for you. hope it's enough. the bathroom is the next door on the left and next to that is my brother's room. across from him is ralph's room and kai's room. alex has the room downstairs. we usually chill out in the living room, but when the weather is good we go out into the back yard.

*she points out the window and lucy leans over it to look*

lucy: wow it's pretty big! you've got a redwood tree in there! and a whole forest behind your house!

myrina: *laughs* yeah, it's great. i took the responsibility of keeping the yard nice and pretty. see the fountain back there? that was totally my doing. these guys don't care about how it looks, but they appreciate my efforts. it was a mess when we got here, all overgrown and stuff. although, kai says it looked better that way. he thinks i'm silly for trying to tame nature.

lucy: tell him you're not taming it, you're just leading it in the right direction. i like it, looks really feng shui.

myrina: yeah that was the idea. alex practices his fighting out there in the lawn a lot. he says the atmosphere helps him focus.

lucy: i think i'm going to like my two weeks here.

end.

it's a foggy winter's day. lucy walks through a large evergreen forest. there are snow drops growing in little patches on the forest floor. she picks one and leans against a tree.

lucy: i wish i had a forest next to my back yard. alex doesn't know how lucky he is.

she walks a little further, she suddenly slips on some wet leaves and cuts her hand on a sharp rock.

lucy: ouch!

she sits up and looks at the cut, then closes her eyes and puts her hand over it. it stops bleeding and it heals. the skin repairs itself. she is left with nothing but a bloodstain on her sleeve.

lucy stands up and looks around. she begins walking again but stops dead in her tracks. she sees a wolf approaching nearby. the wolf sees her and stops. it stares. she stares back. lucy feels frightened, but somewhat awed at the same time. the wolf is enormous. lucy knows it could kill her in one leap. she doesn't move, she hardly breathes.

the wolf slowly moves towards her, stopping several times as if to consider. the wolf comes right up to her and sniffs her. his eyes are level with hers, and she stands looking straight into them. lucy understands that the wolf will not harm her. she slowly raises her hand and touches the wolf's fur. she smiles, and the wolf smiles back with it's amber eyes.

lucy gives the wolf the snow drop, who takes it between his very sharp teeth.

the wolf walks away into the woods and disappears. lucy doesn't move for a while, then she begins walking back to the house.

end.

3 weeks later

it's nightime. kai and alex are walking down the street. alex is on the phone to lucy.

lucy: thanks big brother, i had a really great 2 weeks with you. and your friends are actually kinda cool.

alex: it was good to see you too. i'm really proud of you lucy, you've learned a lot and grown into a wonderful, strong person.

lucy: alex, don't. you're making me want to cry. *laughs*

alex: how's mom?

lucy: same as always, but she's a bit more cheerful since she got back from puerto rico.

alex: that's good to hear. anyway, i gotta go. i'll call you soon. take care of yourself kid.

lucy: i'm not a kid!

alex: *laughs* okay, bye lucy.

lucy: bye bye.

alex hangs up and he and kai begin to walk toward his car. they hear shouting and running footsteps down a nearby alleyway and go to investigate. a man is being cornered by two hooded men.

alex: hey! didn't you know it's not nice for both of you to gang up on one man like that? someone might think you're afraid of a real fight.

both the hooded men turn around to look at kai and alex. one of them speaks.

man 1: oh look fred. it seems we have unwanted guests at the dinner table. shall we invite them in?

fred: *to alex* whoever you are, you would do well to leave us alone. we have no quarrel with you. let us do our business and we will not harm you.

kai: where are these guys from, the 18th century?

cornered man: please! don't leave me with these monsters! they're going to kill me!

man 1: the entree speaks! come on fred, enough faffing. i'm hungry, and this man's heart is pumping hot blood, just for us! i say we finish these intruders off and get on with our meal.

alex: what are you? cannibals?

fred: shut up aeron! you have revealed too much already. *to alex* i told you to leave us be, now we must eliminate you.

fred and aeron attack kai and alex. their hoods fall back, revealing their pale faces, black eyes, and fangs.

kai: vampires!!!

a vicious battle ensues. alex fights fred but he is incredibly swift. aeron jumps on top of kai and attempts to sink his teeth in him, but kai suddenly pushes him off with supernatural force and transforms into an enormous wolf.

aeron: were-wolf! you can't kill me, i am immortal!

kai springs on aeron, dashing him to the ground. he slashes him with his claws but aeron gets free. meanwhile alex is struggling to fight off fred, he delivers many powerful punches but fred doesn't seems to even feel them. fred slams alex against a wall and attempts to kill him, but alex plunges a sharp knife into his belly and slices it open. fred screams and retreats with aeron.

aeron: *screaming* you have not seen the last of us! one day you will feel the wrath of rafa and the sanguines!!!

alex: rafa! so he's the one behind all this.

man in the corner: *looks at kai, who is still a wolf* what the hell is going on here!?!??! *runs away*

alex: come on, kai. i think it's safe to turn back to human now.

end.

it is dusk on a cool late winter's day. the orange rays of the sunset filter through a lush evergreen forest. 4 wolves are bounding across the forest floor. they come across a gorge, 3 of the wolves stop but the other accelerates and jumps over it.

myrina: kai! will you please not be so reckless?

kai looks at them from across the gorge and howls.

ralph: knucklehead. *he backtracks, then runs and jumps over the gorge.*

myrina: ralph! see what a bad influence you are kai!

ralph: it's really not that bad. come on!

myrina and quan both jump across the gorge. kai snaps at myrina's tail and then rolls on the ground.

quan: *laughing* you look like a puppy who just got a new toy.

myrina: stop acting like an animal.

kai: i am an animal! and so are you, so quit stressing and have fun!

kai snaps at quan's paws. ralph chases after myrina, the two run around in circles and then disappear into the woods. kai and quan look at each other.

quan: looks like we've been ditched.

kai: *laughs* race ya!

the two bolt off once again.

end.

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throwingideasatthewall · 4 years ago

Text

Clone Wars A Friend in Need

Well let’s see you at the main cast who has friends?

Obi-Wan a “girlfriend,”. and apparently no one else

Anakin

Padme

- Who does have the one person who most prominently featured the word “friend”

-Clovis

But he’s been gone since..

Ahsoka;

I mean does Barisse count

Oh wait I forgot a CP3PO and R2D2

So our, candidates are generally down to, Clovis, Barisse, the droids (CP3PO & R2D2) Or an unknown character coming from under the table (Which is always on the table)

(Oh and Jar Jar Binks, who I don’t think classifies as a friend ?)

Which is why none of the characters have it “ In response” (To quote)

Mandalore?

O- kay? ... A

I’m not sure I get the whole design thing-

Still slightly nope- about it - Con-tinuing - ? - Um - What? - Also isn’t he supposed to be a kid?

Like he was one of the better kid representations in the show just barely scraping over the hump around that time..

I’m taking a break from the live commentary just to see how this plays out;

[Random stranger shows up without an invitation and irritates literally everyone yeah sure let them stay

- no invitation

-no explanation needed-

- Not like this could Quite- literally fu-

An- Way,

See,

Also, Dear- God ,

[Skip button used at nausuem]

Yeah, I couldn’t stand that,

[It just, didn’t-]

They’re just escorting him back to his ship

,right

[Oh so yeah whatever happened to that kid considering his mother was dead and his father is informed to be dead,

How is he alive?

[also I will give it that it is still staying within the margins of reasonable child behavior or just decent enough that it stays under the radar, Though it does get me nervous,

[That or I’m just kind of numb to it, Focus,]

Also yeah what was expected to happen? -

- Ok seriously who gave the kid the order is though (Okay who gave the kids the orders though because I’m little sus. Nothing serious yet just a bit skittish,”

Okay,

Es- Cape

Oh gosh they’re doing the Boba Fett thing aren’t they?

Sen-ator?

Whoa, whoa the fuck? . Dude is like 12. (16 maybe)

Like, No,

(Unless that was a bit At his involvement in politics,)

Also what is up with his size when we last saw him he was a- l- significantly smaller and clearly a child

[The scales a little off in that frame.

Why,

Whelp, A war just broke out, - And Ahsoka just dragged the Mandalorians into a war,

Wha-

(Also pardon me but in the queen say something about subtle ?)

- Whe-

Co-rousant

Also yeah the council is going to love that

“ Hey cancel I found a separatist, can I keep it ?”

Re- P-ublic. - Is he a spy?

[Like yeah admittedly that seems like a lot of work to go through,]

Oh so yeah that was pretty good the expression, , stayed neutral and non-emotional

Amen- sty-

W-ell

That- just came out of nowhere,

Pl-an

Children don’t have plans,

And adults don’t have such un- even tone - -Gun

Ah, you know literally nothing about him

You had a five minute conversation while he just repeated Pro-paganda, And order s-

Talking points

Also he’s a Sep-artist

You don’t know he’s not a fighter - Well then you’ll -starve- - The di-

Okay seriously what was with that tone?

Everything you’ve been through,

Again, that’s teasing If it’s a child,

And adult? (The context really doesn’t support it)

Okay, what is with the eyes?

Okay, No,

Children can’t do outright emotion like that- - Certain things might cause an automated reaction- But their face stays blank, And, it doesn’t reach their voice,

Adults well they have a lot even-er tone-

They’re purposeful

And this should have a lot more weight and the narr-a-tive treat them like equals

[I’m going to go use the skip button]

cause this is getting Hella quasi-

Wait.

Okay...

[Sk ip]

Like seriously this kid that should be dead like 50 things over because kids can only follow orders and at the mercy of adults

If he’s an adult, A) Ahsoka may very well be an enabler, And B) Narr-ative needs to get its tone right and treat them like eq-uals

Dude- Movie - ?

What?

H-

[I am at 6:30 Btw (With the brief. indication that he just knocked her out with some thing,)

What??

[i’ve talked about the Evil Child trope; it needs to burn,] Is-

Mr. Bontierre

So yelling at an in-nocent child,

Oh reasonable anger at a malicious adult, (And an attack). that likely could’ve been prevented,

Be-cause yeah he stabbed her in the back

But,

(Malicious science is not something I often dabble in,)

This works,

W-

Quasi my two least favorite things quasi and the deathwatch,

(I don’t even remember if there was a con- fron- tation, And they were assumed gone

Or...

Or, just a bunch of reenactors that like putting on their helmets,

(Or people with similar helmet designs,)

Like seriously that. seemed very chill for people that have like this

blood vendetta against Jedi,

- Snoop

How

Where?

Okay?

Be-trothed

Movie?

What the fuck?

[Like ok just hold on a second though,

That is a child [imp- lied to be one the last time we saw this dude]

Either

- He’s not an adult-

As clear by the lack of emotion(s)

And just feckin everything

Huh?

Okay, no just no,

“Old, “. is more so the concern here,

Like dude doesn’t talk or act like an adult..

I-

Cele brate

(Are we sure these guys are deathwatch they don’t seem to have the same insignia, or any indication?

Is every thug that hangs out in the woods Wear Ing armor deathwatch now?

A-i

Why, would he think that?

A-g

Ser-ious-ly that makes them no more assholes than literally anyone else

Like they’re not sentient,

I’m more concerned with the asshole that program them to feel fear and general although human emotions

Like if the practice robot I was using suddenly gave a scream of human like pain I would stop immediately,

Doesn’t matter if some asshole continue-d to program it

If there’s any indication, you stop

Yeah you could say these guys are assholes for practicing on it,

(And yeah obviously don’t enable that shit,)

Un-less, it’s like an acting droid?

I don’t-

Like don’t get me wrong the “woman comment could’ve been kind of a dick move

Actually, no it totally was, Because it was totally un-wanted

And No

But.

But literally everything else;

Some reenacters just decided to set up in a park, screw around with some effects droids, And possibly get drunk, With one of them having a history with Dooku

(Like it’s one of the flaws with the Mandalorian arc that I meant to bring up, That it relies heavily on negative ass- ociation,

Aka, assuming that you assume the worst of a situation,

When in reality, no, people tend to be pretty positive and assume benefit of doubt,

You’re really going to have to work at convincing me that these guys aren’t just your average brand of asshol-ery (Two/ Three Times)

Seriously, Anakin, what the fuck

(Or maybe just what the fuck at the scenario,

Since Anakin probably didn’t know this would happen

(Train-ed to detect distress in Ana-kin)

And those guys didn’t know that it was trained to detect distress...

Still I really don’t like how they are por-tray-ing him as sentient in that moment

(Semi-sentient)

Also, how is he supposed to re-assemble anything he doesn’t really have arms

Most of the things we’ve seen being able to be fixed by a gear thing,

And, yeah he can kind of pick up some things

But I’m pretty sure this thing requires bendable appendages,

Okay, what’s with the hand maidens?

When did deathwatch become misogynistic?

Also they’re adults,

Kid-napp- ed - Ah, you’re still adults and could’ve you know stopped them at any time,

“Simple”

No one’s less or more intelligent than each other

You both produce the same amount of energy-

I’m really hoping they were going for simple as in they aren’t really interested in materialistic . But the tone around these people leaves a lot to be desired . and concerned about,

Trust easily

Everyone trusts easily . We’re humanity

That’s kind of (our) thing,

Making the world a softer better place.

Ah,

Ser-iously

Also, wow is this several, miscommunications

This is getting pretty damn boomer,

Dead,

(Taken)

They are people not object if they went they went willingly

(Assuming they are adults which is in worry-ing question,)

He re-

When they said stole I thought they meant from like a village A few blocks over

Like in the past,

But dude comes in like he just turned a corner,

L-eave

You can’t return a fucking. pe-rson,

Oh that was nice- though the tone awful-

(But also still you can’t return a person in like a grocery bag

O-i

Bu-tchers

Or this isn’t the deathwatch

Or they are suffering from a serious bouts of Clovis syndrome (Or more so reverse Clovis syndrome, Like their actual first leader whatever his name was,

W-ell

Ok, now that was just straight up murder

Well,

Dear fuck

Also, this is why we assume accountability

Also hey that name after a very little note,

Great,

Also his temperament seem to completely change,

Went from prove yourself

To ‘Welcome to the club buddy, ‘ with little regard,

They kill people

fecking kills people

Jedi-

That was disgraceful

Also I guess maybe he could’ve managed it if he fixed one thing at a time and I mean some of them had some functional with limbs and assumed fixed self capability

- Ai Ght

“ ?

Ok seriously what is with the Tided up thing,

Or literally,

Ca -mp

P-lease

Honor

He’s

Jus- tice

Ok seriously what is with Ahsoka and constantly getting her ass kicked, And it’s portrayal as involuntary,

Seriously, Hand to hand combat shouldn’t be much of an issue for her , either way-

Well, seriously can’t she win a fight on her own- ,merit

Against a boomer?

So, they are tracked

Good

Why is she such an idiot this episode?

Lux

Why is she so devastated?

Why is he so mature?

Like either she should-

Remove him from the bad situation being an adult and him a child

-Who should have only orders and no initiative

All she said was specked in adults decision and not be doing this,

And the tone was down right Con- cerning-

Ser-iously?

No actually you were pretty un accountable for literally all the episode and then you somehow had to save her

Be cause

Pr-omise

Oy, his tone needs to even -er,

*gag*

Well that episode,

Was disgusting,

Downright Disturb-ing

Due To It’s

Lack of commitment to a tone - Going quasi During �� a romance

With unfortunate implications either childify-ing an adult, Over sexualizing a child, Both of which aren’t a good look,

On top of childify- ing an adult (woman)

*Believe to be accurate identification - (Several)

In Meta

Using Quasi tone, as well as Body Lan-guage, Portraying No recognizable emotion, Befitting of a child - With the dialogue and plot generally indicating and supporting this disgusting and awful insinuation that any adult being is unable of holding them selves or others accountable, and is equal parts of one (humanity)

Or (complete) (Developed) humanity in general

Coupled with slave indications- (Bound wrists) Without the common decency of its predecessor, To acknowledge that Ahsoka as an adult, Shared no risk, (And need not tole- rate. outside of her own preference and accountability)

Showing no self-awareness,

And continuing the theme into the chase scene (Note you can have character like such play along with such scenario But it has to come with the self-awareness said they are not in any danger (In universe)

(Oh and a very forced and completely Boomer message about not following the crowd, that is terribly botched, especially with what seems to be the positive influence (Ahsoka) Doing literally the exact thing, Children not having the ability of initiative, And it not committing to adult)

(And is essentially everything that I disliked about the Man- dalorian arc;

The unaccountability of the male leads,

With an extra bit of certain adult childifi -cation

And uncertain tone

(Which en-sures that if the disturbing and downright toxic message didn’t scare you off the complete lack of fun certainly will)

(And dis- appointing)

and puts it right back to no live reactions

Because well this is essentially the bonus round of writer’s advice and “is it fun,”. There has to be some con- sequence for submitting me to tox/ Contin-uing to create tox long after it was excusable,

(Or had leniency,)

(Now having fully worn out as welcome

Several episodes -ago)

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