#(Idk if it's abuse but better safe than sorry)
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transmasccofee · 11 months ago
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hey does anyone ever think about this. Like. Logistically. Because ok like we can see the blood right, like the not insignificant amount of blood. Like. like that’s not a small wound, that’s a whole ass gouge in his arm and potentially actually multiple gouges. So the thing is we know at least with his regular amount of power and him knowing the attack was coming, the catgun leaves a welt - probably the same severity as if a regular person were hit with a belt.
and so right my thing is, how did he get that whole ass gouge in his arm, severe enough that blood was running all down his arm and onto the floor. (I have enough experience with injuries to know that does generally require a decent wound, also it’s a manga so that kind of imagery is intended to indicate a significant injury so)
Bc. Like i don’t know if anyone else here has gotten hit with something like a belt or bitch-slapped, but getting from a welt to That level of injury would be straight up agony. Like. It would be agonizing. Unforgettable pain. I’ve had a little blood drawn this way, not nearly as much, and it was probably some of the worst pain a person could feel. Like. Imagine that bro. That’s awful. I love it.
(And that’s all just assuming Kusuo was able to keep the same amount of protection up against Kuusukes attacks, since we know he was depleting his energy, maybe his capability for shielding himself went down, and at a certain point a shot hit him and managed to tear through his arm, which is. Its own can of worms.)
This post isn’t really going anywhere the catgun fight just really fucks me up whenever I start thinking about it.
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badolmen · 3 months ago
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People love ragging on Catholics on this site (fast free and easy like river water socks) but I think it’s extra funny y’all seem to think Catholics are some sort of sex prudes. Like, if a Catholic man does not give his wife an orgasm he is failing his sworn duties as a husband. I did not endure polite insinuations that my parents fucked often and well to have as many kids as they have for you to act like any self respecting Catholic is a celibate virgin. Laypeople have sex in this denomination Kaitleign. What are we, Calvinists? Jansenism is soooo 17th century Protestant Reformation-informed heresy.
#ra speaks#personal#not tagging otherwise bc tbh I can’t remember if it was formally declared a heresy or if aspects of its teachings were papally condemned#and I don’t want any um actually đŸ€“ people in my notes or inbox.#anyways. point is I’m sorry you’re culturally Christian USAmerican Protestant and just finding out Catholics often have mandatory sex ed#at least my school did + my grandma had an amazing little book about Catholic marriage sex tips akdjwhfjsjssj#if you’re Catholic and under the impression that fucking wasn’t supposed to be important
idk sorry your catechist didn’t ever cover like.#humanae vitae or any other encylcicles on sexuality and reproduction.#idk if it was an effort to inform/combat congregational abuse (eg. we know kids w sex ed are more likely to report/recognize abuse)#but my school was pretty damn blunt about it all. here’s a dick and all it’s anatomy. here’s a vagina and all it’s anatomy.#fucking and touching is supposed to be between a married man and woman (as expected)#but it’s also supposed to be fun and shouldn’t hurt and if it’s not and does hurt you need to communicate w them or reach out to a doctor#like. this was early 2010s im still fucking baffled my parochial school Franciscan nuns gave us a better grasp of sex ed than my high schoo#public school sex ed. the teacher there justified emotional abuse and manipulation if it’s against a guy.#and it’s not like their queer sex ed existed beyond ‘and this can be between two people of any gender’ clauses#anyways. you know me have fun and be safe im just tickled to see ppl think their experiences and expectations are universal.
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eddiebabygirldiaz · 5 months ago
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i searched how long weed stays in your system and the very first thing that popped up was a suicide and substance abuse crisis hotline. damn google. like yeah im suicidal but that ain't got shit to do with weed im just tryna write fanfiction about two queer guys getting high, excuse me.
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mikashida · 2 years ago
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Revenge
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this is comedic gold
Why Domestic abuse <3 is shit - a submission-based essay with propaganda pulled from a two minute conversation with a friend and my mind
Domestic abuse <3 - a canon(ish) het ship from the My Hero Academia fandom between Enji (Endevour) Todoroki and Rei Todoroki
endevour is an emotionally and physically abusive piece of shit who honestly should be in prison but the system allows him to be free because it fucking sucks
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sennamybeloved · 9 months ago
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ahem anyways. thor's terrible relationship with odin & how it impacts the rest of his relationships is something i think about a lot. i compared it to your rain (which is from silent hill 4 i just remembered) because it carries themes of general detachment and confusion surrounding romantic relationships, particularly as a ripple affect from how the singer themselves was treated during their younger years.
some lyrics i relate to thor/his relationships with sid, thrud, i guess odin, etc:
"nobody showed me how to return the love you give to me mom never holds me dad loves a stranger more than me"
"i never wanted to ever bring you down all that i need are some simple loving words"
"you touched my body once It burns me still softly never forgets never again will be"
"on the sidewalk of the city are my screams just a whisper? busy people going nowhere see me soak in the rain no compassion, nothing matters my resistance is waning like a flower in the basement waiting for a lonely death"
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snekdood · 23 days ago
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i think im allowed to assume someones consuming their kinks in a harmful-to-others way if I have first hand experience with them sexually abusing me, personally.
#do i think they always do it in a harmful way? no. because i dont see the world in black and white. statistically thats impossible#but i think its safe for me to assume the worst in this situation with this specific person. personally#instead of trying to make me second guess if i should be so harsh on my abuser and keep my arms closed entirely maybe#we should be confronting them on being a better person for once#yaknow instead of insisting that i need to heal or change or whatever and the fault all lies in me and never in them#food for thought#i promise me being disturbed by and wanting to avoid certain kinks isnt worse than them being sexually abusive. like i really promise.#if you think i do more harm being uncomfortable than they do by sexually abusing ppl then idk what to tell ya#and a lot of the kinks that make me uncomfortable and i try to avoid are the ones they have#forgive me if trauma makes me weary. i mean fuck dude it takes years for me to even feel like i can trust someone enough to be my friend#now you're telling me i hafta jump all the way to trusting ppl wont misuse their kinks towards me? im sorry what world do you live in#i already dont trust a lot of cis men for that reason it doesnt suddenly change just bc you're queer. i gotta know you're not#a sexually abusive creep to even BEGIN to touch the subject of kinks w you#which explains why me and my abusive ex never got that far in that conversation 😒#cis men have a lot of kinks that just hearing them makes me suspicious because personally i have lived with a cis man who sexually#abused me and was very secretive about his kinks and is the type of person to act one way but then is secretly a pos#so yeah im a little fuckin weary dude. im not assuming people with certain kinks are bad by default but id be lying if i said certain#kinks dont make me a little on edge to hear about someone having. and i'd probably take an even longer time sussing that person out#sorry but i just dont need to be sexually abused again. and for me rn avoiding that is being weary of certain things.#a lot of it is context too... a group of people pretending to be super familiar with me and wanting to dive into kink stuff right away bc#we're all queer so it should be Fine and want me to come to their place that i need to take a car to at night.... yeah gonna pass#but thats why im saying a good long ol' sussing is needed for me to feel ok. if you have an issue with me needing to feel like i#can trust someone to be around them thats just.... really weird. obv i cant always control that but i mean specifically situations i can#obligatory: none of this has to do w kink in public or anything this is all about my own personal life
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sparky-is-spiders · 6 months ago
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So by the time they even meet Amaldyne will 1) have preconceived judgements (despises him) and 2) be in so deep with Eityr that neither of them have room for close relationships of any sort in their lives, but I think there’s an alternate universe where Leoshgon and Amaldyne date. It would HAVE to happen after her family dies and while Leo has the sword (aka when Amaldyne is enough of a control freak and Leo is at his most useful). But like. It definitely COULD.
I imagine it would be much like the Overseer’s relationship with Leo in terms of the dynamic, but the internal forces driving it would be different. The Overseer enjoys control and possession for its own sake. He likes that one of the most powerful forces currently at play belongs to him. Leoshgon is a tool and a possession, and a trophy, but the love goes beyond that. He’s a person who isn’t magically bound but chose to stay anyway, and the Overseer loves THAT most of all (I imagine some of that love fades after Leo loses the sword, which I think Leo would interpret as the Overseer seeing him as a tool, but is more the Overseer wanting a partner who chooses him). I think Amaldyne would lean less “posession” and mor “objectification.” Leoshgon would be, to her, an extension of herself and her values. Leo is in her corner. Leo is fighting her battles. For her cause. For HER. She loves that Leo never disagrees with her (or at least that he always sides with her in the end), that he’ll do anything for affection and validation. And even if parts of Leo want to be his own person (want to be a person) he loves having somewhere to belong and someone to love him, even if it means being a doormat for someone who’s love is very much conditional.
And I think that’s why, if Leo was in a relationship with Amaldyne instead of the Overseer when he gave up the godslayer sword, she would kill him for the betrayal when the Overseer would keep him for coming back at all.
#lemme just be pretentious about my lizards#does this make sense?#idk so much Lizard Lore exists only in my brain and nowhere else#and i don’t know how much people know/remember from my posts/can intuit based on context clues etc.#anyway for the record these relationships are both different brands of awful#like leo is fucked either way#honestly the only difference is that amaldyne theoretically gives him a moral high ground#because he isn’t fighting to bring the world under the control of a murderous autocratic necromancers#However much like eityr he does enable amaldyne’s worst impulses and feed her ends justify the means mentality#like fully uncritical of her even as she gets more self-serving and violent and questionable and rigid#idk if he’d return to her after giving up the godslayer sword#i feel like he’s pretty good at reading people he just has very skewed ideas of how relationships should work#so much like with the Overseer he’d probably get to the point where he realizes that his partner wants him Fucking Dead and abandon ship#(for the overseer the murderous impulse is an extension of love. for amaldyne it is Not)#should i tag for some kind of warning or something? i feel like i should#tw abuse#abuse tw#idk if that’s the right tag but i feel like better safe than sorry#because yeah these would both be TERRIBLE for leoshgon#anyway sorting tags#the lizard crew#amaldyne#amaldyne rotwing#leoshgon#leoshgon varmillius#the overseer#leoshgon/the overseer#leoshgon/amaldyne#<- not officially canon but a fun concept i like to rotate#i am but a scientist putting two chemicals into a beaker and seeing how they react <3
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colourstreakgryffin · 9 months ago
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Oh my gosh! HELLOO!
Anywho~
I had a request for Alastor with a reader who’s contract with Valentino just ended and Angel brings them to the hotel to help them get on their feet, they have lots of trauma from what the endured, maybe they stay close to Alastor because he’s very much a gentleman and never treats them like Val did?
Thank you!!
Oooh! I like this one a lot! We got a second Angel but unlike Angel, we’re probably better and less snarky and bitchy. Sorry, Angel. Anyway! Idk if it’s meant to be romantic or not so I am gonna guess—
Alastor- Redemption Path
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Alastor can’t help but feel sorry and feel pity for you. You’re just like Angel but you aren’t as bad as Angel. A ex-pornstar that has finally been free from the pimp Overlord, Valentino and your dear friend Angel Dust is so relieved that you’re safe from him, now, he’ll take even more measures to make sure you’ll do better than him
Bringing you to the Hazbin Hotel, Angel Dust introduced you to the Hotel Staff. Hoping they could help get you back into Hell more stably. Out of Charlie feeling immense sorry for your sexual abuse trauma, Vaggie considering to sign you up for counselling and Angel Dust barking at Husk to be nicer to you. Alastor is the one who is the most interested in you
Alastor is the one who escorted you around the Hotel. He is the only one who treated you so perfectly, he is a true sweet gentleman and he is doing much for you that it’s unbelievable. He doesn’t want anything from you? How is that possible
Throughout the days since you first checked in as a client, Alastor notices the way you follow him around and he finds it adorable. You’re such a lost lonely little puppy needing somewhere to feel safer and he doesn’t mind playing that little safety spot for you. It’s quite amusing
“Oh. My dear, is something bugging you?” Alastor asked curiously as he finally turns around to face the cute eager shorter sinner that has been clinging onto him and following him around ever since he was polite and ‘respectful’ to them. Treating them like a person and not like an object. Unlike the first and only Overlord they knew at the time, he doesn’t even notice their curvy attractive body or make creepy sexual remarks in the slightest
He just compliments the cozy colourful classy outfits they’d wear, calling each and every one ‘adorable’. He finds you adorable as a whole and he is entertained that you’re so enamoured by his kindness, that you act like a baby fawn following his mother around
The sinner that has been following him around all day, takes a few seconds to even blink. You’re shyer around Alastor since he actually gives you a voice and a say-so, something you’re unfamiliar with. Having that
 you never did back with Valentino and it’s almost overwhelming that such a friendly treatment is addictive to have, the way he handles you with delicacy. He isn’t usually a man to sympathise with an awful situation but for some reason, he sympathised with you in his own special little way. You’re thankful that he is even more polite and caring than anybody you’ve ever met, even Angel!
“Oh. My, you’re shivering. Are you cold?” You didn’t actually answer Alastor with words but instead with actions, approaching him and shyly reaching out for a handhold but you didn’t actually touch him, reminding yourself of his no touching clause. You hoped he’d let you slide this once. You don’t really have anybody to talk to after you were jolted awake from night terrors over what that awful squeaking sex-obsessed freak of a moth did to you throughout your contract with him
Angel is there as a friend but he’s busy still suffering under Valentino’s maniac rule right now, you don’t want to bother any of the staff nor Charlie about your problems whilst they are busy. Sooooo
You figured your emotional support, the one who has been very patient and understanding with you. He hasn’t let you down once just of yet
Alastor willingly takes your hand when he recognises your reach out attempt and brings you up to his side in a lone but strong tug. Not minding the sweater you wore being your only coverage for your bottom half. Just a cute off-the-shoulder sweater and thigh highs. Whilst your style mirrored Angel’s in an odd way, you didn’t gross the Radio Demon out like the current top pornstar did. You’re more innocent, more sophisticated
You’re nothing like Angel, despite escaping from the same ugly world as that spider sinner is still trapped in. You’re a recovering traumatised, overexploited pornstar in need of help to gain a new life within Hell and Alastor actually likes the idea of playing that knight in shining armour you clearly view him as. He can’t tell why but he likes it
Leading you down the empty, slightly dark hallway with one arm around your body to keep you close, pressing your face against the side edge of his broad chest and the other slightly stylishly twirling his signature staff-like microphone cane, the Radio Host plans to take care of you in other ways then just hand you some blankets and set you out to your own Hotel room. He’d prefer to personally put you to sleep and the process would be begin with a picture show, a talk and a darker warmer room
You didn’t know why but your face was beet red, your heart was pounding in your chest and your eyes sparkled as you tilted your slightly fuzzy head up to look at Alastor. In, what felt like a blink, his crimson red eyes flashed a sense of genuine affection before returning to the usual half-emotionless bloody haze as the radio effect on his rather mighty voice kicks in with the overlap of both sincerely caring and classic semi-mocking Alastor style caring
It doesn’t help that you swear you can feel his heartbeat grow faster

Is Alastor feeling the same you are?!
“Come now, darling. You’re clearly having bad sleeping patterns. How about me and you watch that picture show you’ve been holding off? Yes. Yes, I know. I don’t like your technology but I wouldn’t be a help provider if I didn’t provide you help, now would I?”
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knowyourplace-fool · 2 months ago
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Umm, I loved bully gojo and 2 , what happened after he kidnapped her and yknow , non conned her , like is he just obsessed with her , ORRRR , is he obsessed with her aaanndd IN LOVE with her ? Will he force her to be his girlfriend and future wife. Will she try to pick herself up and make a good life for self even though gojo literally exists. Hmmmmmmmm???? Idk but anwyas that story atteee . Stay sexy , ..sexy đŸ„°đŸ’“
⚠: NON CON, Kidnapping, Mean!Gojo, physically, mental and emotional abuse, manhandling, bullying, biting, groping, size difference, pregnancy sex
-> THIS IS REALLY DARK AND FUCKED UP PLEASE READ AT YOUR OWN RISK !
-> Idk why but everyone ate that Gojo fic up for some reason😭
-> part 1
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Oh boy, he is more than obsessed with you
You made it too easy for him
With your family being out of the picture and you having quite literally 0 friends
Isolating you
 well you already did that to yourself
Your reputation at school burned to the ground the moment he decided to leak your sex tape
So there’s no going back to uni
He handed in a resignation letter on your behalf and though your boss was concerned, Satoru assured her that you’re alright, but your morning sickness has been brutal lately
She raised her eyebrows and smiled, telling Satoru to pass on her congratulations to you
Your roommate at your dorm didn’t give a crap (she has a big, fat crush on Satoru and when she found out he slept with you, she wanted to kill you.)
That urge only grew stronger when Satoru stopped by your dorm to move your stuff out and when she asked him why he was the one moving it, he simply stated,
“Well, she’s pregnant with my child so she’ll be living with me so I can take care of her.”
Safe to say your roommate spent the night ripping her hair out of her scalp
And you. You’re sitting in the sunroom with a cup of warm tea and a side of prenatal vitamins in front of you
You’re in deep thought when the door swings open and a tall figure enters in
He sits next to you, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you onto his lap so that your back is relaxed on his chest
“Did you take a look at the blueprints?”
“I did but
 what’s wrong with this house?”
“Nothing. I’d just like a bigger home to raise our family in.”
He’s met with silence
“You haven’t taken your vitamins.”
“I will, I just, I haven’t been feeling too good this morning.”
To that he hums and leave a kiss on your neck
“How’s the dress shopping going?”
You pause and put your hands over his
“Don’t you think we’re rushing this? Why can’t we wait till after I’ve given birth?”
“I don’t wanna wait that long.”
You wanted to ask him why, but you knew it would result in the back of his hand meeting your soft cheek
You had already experienced Satoru’s aggressive side and you’d rather not deal with it until this baby is out of you
“I’m sorry, but I need to pee.” You squeak, escaping his grip and leaving him alone in the sunroom
5 days passed, and it was a big day. Your wedding day. Even though it was put together on such short notice, it turned out marvellous.
For a girl, her wedding day is supposed to be one of the best days of her life, right? It’s supposed to be magical, exciting and memorable
 right?
So why are you sitting on a chair labeled “bride”, with your hair and makeup complete, staring at a one way bus ticket to the neighbouring city?
That leaves right when the ceremony starts
You had known about the bus ticket. Actually, an unexpected someone had given you the bus tickets.
Suguru, Satoru’s ex-bestfriend.
They had a huge falling out over a business deal and even mentioning his name sets Satoru into a rage. Especially if it’s his fiancee.
So as a lick back, Suguru offered to help you escape him. And maybe by the end of it, you’ll warm his bed once or twice, or better yet, marry him.
From Suguru’s perspective, it was the perfect revenge. Nobody knows Satoru better than himself. He knows exactly how he thinks and what steps he would take to find you.
He also knew that today would be the only day that Satoru wouldn’t be breathing down your neck because you were getting ready to be his bride.
At first, you didn’t believe it. But Geto is convincing. He thought about everything — down to the last little detail. He made you picture a life where you’re far away from Satoru and given a chance to start fresh again.
Going to the neighbouring city means you could have an abortion so you won’t be tied to the blue eyed monster for eternity.
Geto left his number on a sticky note that was attached to the bus ticket. You walk over to the landline and dial his number. After a ring, he picks up and once he hears your sweet voice, he smiles.
“Meet me at the corner of Xander’s street, there’s plenty of trees there to keep you hidden.”
Your heart was pounding in your chest and the tips of your ears were hot. You knew. You knew that if Satoru had the slightest hint about what you were about to do, he’d drag you to hell and back. But the idea of marrying him, having his child and building a home for your family, was far more petrifying.
You slip into some shorts and a tank top before sliding out of the bridal room and using the nearest exit to leave the venue. You scurry along the trees, hoping and praying no one sees. The corner of the street was quiet and secluded. You had plenty of cover and you waited until a blacked out Range Rover pulls over.
The window rolls down and it’s Suguru. He tells you to hop into the back seat quickly before anyone sees.
You do what he says, except when you open the back seat door, you’re met with icy blue eyes.
Your breath hitches and before you know it, you’re being pulled into the car with Satoru screaming at you.
“You fucking lying whore! How fucking stupid can you be, hm?”
He placed you on your back and wrapped his fingers around your neck, slightly chocking you
“When Suguru told me that you accepted the bus tickets, I let it slide. I let it slide because I thought you were smart enough to know not to cross me. But you, you fucking bitch, you really tried to leave me at the alter! You really thought you could get away from me?”
He tears your shorts apart, revealing your white undergarments that you were supposed to wear under your wedding dress.
You couldn’t help but cry, spewing apology after apology. But he wasn’t having any of it. He unbuckled his own pants, pulling his thick cock out of his trousers. He spat down on it for lube and without a care in the world, entered into you.
“You stupid bitch- you thought you could run away and abort my baby?!”
He leans down, his hot breath tickling your ear as he tugs on your hair to expose your neck.
“If you thought, even for a second that you could hide from me and live a normal life after killing my child. You’re just as sick as me
 And clearly, you don’t know who the fuck I am. So let me teach you.”
He lifted your legs to mating press, ruthlessly thrusting into you while you sob beneath him. You try resisting by attempting to pry his fingers off the bottom of your thigh, but he has a death grip on them
“P-please stop
 It hurts — I can’t move or b-breathe properly.”
You hiccup, but he ignores. Instead, he picks up the pace, making you cry even harder.
“I’m s-sorry please! Please it hurts! I can’t-”
“Shut the fuck up and take it. Or I’ll ask him to shut you up with his dick. I bet you’d like that, you fucking whore. So eager to leave me, is it because you have the hots for my best friend?”
Your eyes glance at the rear view mirror, and sure enough, his eyes are glued on you
Which only makes you sob harder. Hearing no response from you angered Satoru. Did you really like Suguru? He pressed on your neck, and by the look of his eyes, you knew he was waiting for an answer.
“N-no! I don’t- I swear I- I’m just not ready to be a mother, please!”
“I don’t fucking believe you.”
According to Satoru, the entire thing was a test for you. The falling out, Suguru giving you the bus ticket to help you escape, and meeting you at the corner of the street— it was all apart of the test. And you failed it. Miserably.
“And here I was, thinking that I had trained you to know better. To know better than to leave me. But you prove me wrong again and again.”
He finishes inside you. Suguru pulls into the back of the venue. Satoru pulls you up right and lays his forehead against your own.
“Go get your hair and makeup re-done. The next time I see you, you better be in your gown walking down the aisle to wed to me. Do you understand?”
“Mmh”
“Words”
“Yes.”
“Yes, what.”
“Yes, I understand.”
“Good.”
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Apologies for any mistakes. It’s pretty late. Also have mercy on me, I haven’t wrote anything in 9 months so it’s a bit rusty😭
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runningfrom2am · 11 months ago
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leveling the playing field IX
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summary: with nowhere else to go after getting caught cheating to help lucy gray, you both make some desperately stupid decisions.
pairing: coriolanus snow x fem!reader
wc: 2.6k
tags/warnings: capitol brat!reader, maybe slightly ooc coryo, idk i tried my best. do they love each other or hate each other? who knows (we do, kind of). implications and mentions of abuse, so read with caution!! also a little bit of swearing but that's neither here nor there
masterlists // nav // requests
join my taglist here
a/n: here we are!! 'season' two!! thanks so much for reading it and I'm SO so glad lots of people seem to love it :) if you do, please reblog it or leave your thoughts in the replies or in my inbox! i love hearing from you and talking about it so don't be a stranger !
without further adieu,, enter buzzcut coryo <3
next part
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Coriolanus's stomach twisted as he could hear your screams from the hall, even though by then he was all the way on the other side of the school. He thought that was unsettling, only for them to abruptly stop just before he left. The silence that followed was so much worse. He didn't get any sleep, sitting on the roof in Grandma'ams rose garden with Tigris all night, wondering if you were dead.
He was just sick about it, even as he left the following morning, so early that the sun was yet to rise. It was a long, painful ride, and he spent the entire thing certain that you were dead. It was his fault, he had only wanted you to come with him, so he wouldn't be alone, but now he truly is alone and he won't even have you to write to back home. Regardless, he would try.
Rather than sit with the idea that it might even be pointless for him to live another day, especially with this unflattering haircut and a uniform that challenged the discomfort of the academy one, he decided to write to you on a paper he had found bunched between the train seats to ease his mind.
Y/N/N,
I hope you're reading this. I hope this gets back to you at home and finds you safe and sound, and you're sitting over your desk with a textbook open getting ready for university in the fall. That's not what's happening though, is it? You're probably dead. I probably killed you. If you are reading this in your room, or your library, or over my shoulder as I write this because you are only alive in what's left of your spirit, I hope you know that I am sorry. I did it because I wanted you with me, because in the moment I was so sure you'd be better off with me in the districts than you would be at home with your father. I think I was wrong. But I still miss you. You meant more to me than I ever told you. I guess, more than I ever told myself either until these last few weeks.
I think I heard them kill you after I left you with the Dean. If they did, boy, did you go out fighting. I always knew you would. I can't stop writing in case I never get to speak to you again. But again, maybe you're not dead, right?
Please tell me you're not dead.
Yours,
Always yours, your Coryo
He smoothes out the wrinkled sheet as he writes, hand shaking through most of it. He doesn't know if he should even bother sending it, or if he should just fold it up and throw it out the window in hopes that the message will find its way to your ghost. No, he has to send it. Otherwise he'll definitely never know, at least not for twenty years, and he couldn't bear that.
The wind hits the trees into the windows of the train as it rolls along the tracks, demanding that the branches be heard against the glass. It reminds him of you. Then again, what doesn't these days? Maybe it was just you letting him know you had read his letter, and that you forgive him. That would give him a semblance of peace for the rest of the ride.
When you woke up, it was impossible to tell what time it was. You only knew that it was dark, and your bedroom door was locked from the outside when you got up and carefully tried to open it only to be blocked by the mechanism.
"I have half the mind to agree with you on the Avox thing." You hear your dad sigh, his voice echoing from his study just down the hall. Your eyes widen and you try the knob again. Yep, still locked. "But we could always send her to Nine or Ten as a nurse. She's not staying here, that's certain."
"I don't want to push your decision, here, but she was saying she would tell everyone. She knows more than we thought, more details." Highbottom was here too, great.
"No, that's impossible. What did she say?"
"She knows we're selling, likely that you're storing it all here somewhere, and she knows it's enough to be treason. I don't know what else she knows, but it's risky business ever letting her out of that room again. The procedure might be our best option, here." You've heard enough, quickly making for your window instead. It's locked as well, but draping your old uniform over the lever gives you enough freedom to crush it with a particularly heavy, hardcover textbook without making much noise.
You change quickly, grabbing a few essentials that you could fit into your book bag, then climb out the window and slide down the back porch column before making as quiet of an escape as possible. Adrenaline carried you a few blocks away, but now, you were unsure what to do. You couldn't return, and you couldn't be seen, and you had a tragic shortage of friends at the moment. You find your feet carrying you toward the building you know Coriolanus lives in.
You're not particularly excited to see him, but with no other options, you're sure you can find it in yourself to be forgiving just this once. You could go to Sejanus's family home, but it's not far enough away, and you're not sure what his father would say. He'd probably call your dad in a second and it would all be for naught- you couldn't risk it. So, Coryo's it was.
You enter the building, walking straight for the elevator. He was in the penthouse, so you just have to hit the very top button and figure it out from there. You've never been to his home before, but he's talked about it plenty. Enough that you could find your way there, at least.
You groan when you quickly realize the elevator doesn't work, looking over at the stairs. It's a tall building, so you've got a long way to go. You wonder how he does this every day as you climb up set after set of stairs, taking note of how the walls are basically crumbling around you.
You knew he didn't have money, that he couldn't eat, but you didn't think he lived like this. No wonder he was so thin, and no wonder he still had any muscle left on his body. It was these damn stairs. That couldn't be it though, that wouldn't explain how his shoulders just seemed to go on for miles- maybe he had some kind of workout routine you never knew about.
You're drawn from your thoughts when you reach the top of the last staircase, hesitating to open the industrial looking door in front of you. Just beyond that was the front door to the Snow penthouse, and now that you're here, you're not sure what to do. Do you knock? You don't even know what time it is.
You sit by the door, deciding to think it over for a bit. It doesn't take you long to fall asleep leaning up against the wall where it meets the dusty floor.
Waking up, you're met with a gasp. "Y/N?" You blink open your eyes, seeing Tigris crouched in front of you, forehead creased with worry. "Are you okay? What are you doing here?"
"Tigris, hello." You mumble, gathering yourself to stand up as she helps you. "I, uh, I didn't know where to go, so..."
"Okay, okay. Come in for a second." She nods, holding your shoulder as she guides you back into the apartment. You squint at the sunrise through the large bay windows, she must have been on her way to work. "Can I get you anything? Some tea? You must be freezing..." She says, immediately shuffling into the kitchen.
"No, no. It's fine. Thank you, though." You insist, trying not to stare at the state the apartment has fallen into.
"Okay, well, please, take a seat. Tell me what's going on."
You nod slightly and move to sit down at their dining table where she joins you, reaching out for your hand which you gratefully take. "Did Coriolanus leave already?" You ask and she nods, giving you a sad smile.
"I must admit, I'm relieved to see you." She says, taking you by surprise. "Coryo thought you were dead. He was just so torn up about it, he said it was his fault but he wouldn't tell me why. I was expecting to see your passing in the papers this morning."
"Well, my days are numbered." You sigh, looking out the window again. The view was stunning. Maybe you would prefer a penthouse to your own large, empty feeling home. "My father and Dean Highbottom were discussing turning me into an Avox as a pity punishment, and I don't doubt that my father would rather bury me than have that on his name. I didn't stick around to hear their decision."
Tigris listens intently, squeezing your cold hands between her own. "And now, I don't know what to do. I had nowhere to go, I'm so sorry to intrude-"
"No, my goodness, please. You are always welcome here." She assured you. "But... what will you do?"
"I have to leave." You nod to yourself. "I have to leave and I can't come back, can I?"
"One day I'm sure it will be safe for you to return." She says, notably trying to put a positive spin on it. "I'll tell you what-" She stands quickly, going over to a hall closet and pulling out a large fur coat. "Take this, it can hide you and keep you warm. Take the next train to Twelve, that's where Coryo went." She places the coat in your lap. "He'll be ecstatic to have you and see that you're well."
You nod, standing up and pulling it on in a hurry. It was a beautiful coat, you could tell it was real fur. This must have belonged to one of their mothers. "Thank you, Tigris."
"There's another train headed there in about twenty minutes, if you rush you can make it. I had to check the schedule last night for him. Don't buy a ticket, just climb in a transport car from the opposite side, not the platform." She instructs you hurriedly,
You dig in your bag as you both head for the door, pulling out a handful of money and rifling through it to give some to her. You'll need some, but she will too.
"Here, Tigris. Take this." You say as she holds the door for you, and she instantly is shaking her head.
"No, no. I couldn't." She smiles awkwardly, waving a hand at you. "You'll need it more than I do, Coryo will be sending us cheques."
You smile at her understandingly, holding it out to her again. "If not for your help, then for this lovely jacket. Please take it. I insist."
Tigris sighs, taking it from your hand before pulling you into a hug which you gladly return. "Tell him we love him, okay?"
"He knows," You say, chin resting on her shoulder. "But I will."
It was dark again when your train reached its final stop, and you were curled up under the coat trying to sleep. You scramble to get up, having to bolt from the train before anyone came to unload the car.
Unfortunately, you didn't get the privilege of having a place to stay when you arrived, so once you're out of sight of the train, the best you can do is wander.
You don't have to wander long before you hear music. You didn't realize people were happy here, so the sounds of laughter and shouting and dancing coming from inside what looked to be an abandoned building made you tilt your head at the idea. Maybe you would just sit outside, around the side of the building where you won't be seen and you can listen.
You don't even get the chance to sit before you hear the singing start. It's Lucy Gray. You mentally scold yourself for not thinking of her sooner as you stand again quickly, finding yourself quite lightheaded. You must be hungry. Maybe there will be some food inside, or maybe you can find talk to Lucy Gray and maybe she'll let you stay with her. Just until you get yourself situated here.
Clutching your new coat tightly around yourself you walk in after attempting to dust off and salvage your clothes. Your favourite skirt and shoes took quite a beating throughout the day, and you're disappointed, to say the least. Hopefully Lucy Gray has a washing machine, but you doubt it. Did these people even know what a washing machine is? By the look of everyone in the room, the answer was a definite no.
Sure enough, Lucy Gray was on stage, singing her heart out. You had never seen her smile so wide, of course, and the kids surrounding her onstage were just as talented as she was at all their instruments. You've never seen live music like this before, only classical or opera where everyone sat quietly and listened until the end. This environment was entirely new to you.
Not wanting to interrupt, you wait until Lucy Gray steps offstage and her spot is replaced with a little blonde girl who couldn't have been older than ten.
"Give it up for the amazing Lucy Gray Baird!" The girl shouts into the mic, gesturing to your friend before more music started to play. "She'll be back, she's just taking a little break, but until then, you lot are stuck listenin' to me."
This is your chance. You push through the crowd and step into the hall you saw Lucy Gray go down. "Lucy Gray?" You call out hopefully, watching your step as to not roll a heel. In hindsight, these shoes were not ideal for the journey you took, but your options were limited by a time crunch.
"Lucy Gray?" You ask again, turning a corner and peeling into a large open room. It's a few moments before your eyes land on her, and she turns to face you having heard you walk in.
"Oh my days, I thought I recognized that voice!" She smiles, opening her arms and running up to you. "Y/N, my word, what are you doin' here?" Her excitement fades quickly into concern as she drops her arms from around you.
"Long story..." You chuckle nervously, pulling at your coat again as she nods for you to continue. "We got caught, for the compact. And the snakes, somehow. Coriolanus put our handkerchiefs that you used in the tank so they wouldn't attack you, I guess. I didn't know. Then they pulled us out of class the next day, he told them it was me, so then I put up a fight and they sedated me. When I woke up I was at home and they were talking about having my tongue cut out and turning me into one of those servants but I'm sure my dad would rather have me dead. So," You sigh, trying to summarize it as quickly as possible. "I ran."
Lucy Gray shook her head, mouth agape in shock at all the information she just took in. "Okay, wait... So they were going to kill you?"
You nod.
"But that teacher of yours seemed so nice."
"Sorry?"
"Yeah, he gave me some money and escorted me into the train himself."
You scoff, shaking your head. "He's never liked either of us, but that's only because I have dirt on him. I don't know what Coryo did."
"Well," Lucy Gray sighs, rubbing your shoulders gently. "I'm glad you're here. That you're safe."
"You too." You smile. "Can I just say, too, we were so proud of you. We were so lucky to be your mentors."
"I count myself the lucky one." She grins. "Let's move on, shall we? On the up and up."
"Yes, sounds lovely." You grin at her.
"Can I get you some water? Liquor? What do you need?" She asks, turning at that and going over to a bench in the middle that had a few water bottles.
"I would love some water." You breathe out, joining her and sitting down as she hands one to you.
"Lucy Gray, could I ask you for a really big favour?" You say after taking your first sip.
"Please." She nods.
"Can I stay with you?"
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sleepyc63 · 18 days ago
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post-midnight motivation hits different man,,, anyway anthro hunter!! the negative space in this one hurts my soul but idk what to fill it with so wtv
story + content warnings under cut!
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CW ‌ for child neglect and implied substance abuse ‌
please don't read if these topics will trigger you!! nothing graphic is mentioned but better safe than sorry.
~~~
Hunter was born into No Significant Harassment's family, and is the younger sister to Nightwatcher. She and Watcher were the result of a young and unstable relationship, and their mother is not a part of their lives. Hunter never knew her mother, and NSH, being young and not ready to raise pups, was never around to care for her.
Hunter was left with Watcher to babysit throughout her childhood, though even Watcher stopped bothering to care for her when he got a girlfriend. This lead to Hunter turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, which included the eventual cause of her rot.
Hunter eventually grew tired of the neglect and ran away from home, and started working in retail to support herself. While there, she met Gourmand, and the two became friends quickly. Gourmand told Hunter about her dreams of opening her own bakery, and Hunter showed interest in her ideas. With Hunter's support, Gourmand started her business, and hired Hunter to work with her.
One of Hunter's childhood friends, Survivor, contacted her about how she was attending college in the area next school year, and Hunter agreed to meet over dinner to catch up. The pair hit it off immediately, and Hunter worked up the courage to ask Survivor on a date, and Survivor accepted (let's go lesbians!!!). When the school year started, Survivor and her brother Monk moved in with Hunter, and the trio has been inseparable since.
Nightwatcher has attempted to get in contact with Hunter again, and try to set their relationship right, but Hunter is reluctant to forgive him.
~~~
aeugh here she is!! my beautiful daughter!! she has 4,403 diseases and is banned from most public spaces. i definitely left some important stuff out but thats okay. its almost 2am that's my excuse. i'll read through this tomorrow but for now i will sleep. thanks for reading if you did lol
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transit-fag · 4 months ago
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What's your 'murica gets its head out of its ass wishlist' for urban planning and other major policy shifts?
Mine is:
Left side driving
Changing to metric already
Universal income, extra for disabled people
Universal healthcare for everyone in any part of the US
Defund the world spanning military, grant statehood or subsidized independence to our colonies. Maybe just like idk patrol our own waters and skies perhaps?
Defund the police, and create community outreach orgs to help all suffering ppl, including jerks who struggle so much they think killing ppl is ever okay.
Establish limits on copyright law being 20 years like patents. (With none of the bullshit loopholes)
Establish that all intellectual property deemed a public good by someone kind is forced into the public domain irrevocably. (Careful I will rant about the patent on heated boxes or life saving meds)
Requiring any company that operates in the US to pay taxes to the US, and hold their executives responsible for damages to anything or one they cause.
Public trains to/from anywhere with more than double digit population. Some other form of public transit that gets its own lane at least for anywhere that is infeasible.
Make safe, secure, private, and well made housing, a right and not a commodity.
Make food a right.
Make clothes a right.
Make good internet a right.
Make electricity a right.
Make privacy a right.
Make education an unlimited right.
All people in the US are eligible for all rights and protections etc. (Citizenship is not a requirement to be treated well)
Ban plastics in anything where natural materials are better.
Subsidize growing actual food people want to eat, not industrial resources.
Ban golf courses anywhere they cannot naturally survive.
Exclude all organizations from exerting powers like the law except for the government.
Anyone making disproportionate use of a public good like water, transportation, etc, gets taxed proportionately. (Semi trucks bad, trains good)
Provide water reclamation resources to areas without renewable clean water, no matter the cost.
Require that people in any position of power be good kind people.
Make rule of law actually mean something, if the law applies to everyone equally than enforce it equally. (Including the government and military)
Make corporations not legally people (they aren't)
No nukes or WMDs
Give NASA 10% the national budget or smth, they deserve it.
Require that companies pay the union dues of their employees.
Encourage unions.
Make the NSA about aquatic biology instead. Say the National Aquatic Association or smth.
No guns in civilization, wilderness or rural only for civilians.
Disband the CIA.
Full audits of the government all the time, no classified or secret bullshit. With great power comes great scrutiny and actual responsibility.
Establish an actual nationwide recycling system to turn trash into compost or useful materials.
Establish restorative justice practices nationwide.
I uh went off a bit sorry, I miss anything?
I agree with most of this except left side driving, that is an evil British scheme.
Also how the fuck do you require people in power to be "good kind people" do you not see how that could be abused, it's completely subjective
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gyll-yee-haw · 6 months ago
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can you write an angsty smut that obviously has a happy fluff ending (because my heart wouldn't handle if it didn't) where the reader ends up getting hurt during sex and uses their safe word? You can choose the man đŸ€­ I was thinking loki or Jake but it can really be any of his characters
I'm gonna be honest, idk about this one, it got... personal 😖
But I hope you like it, baby <3
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Warnings: blood, mentions of a terrible ex-boyfriend (implied SA, but not described), use of safeword, lots of angst with a happy ending <3
Like 2.3k words
---
You knew David had one of those days at the station by the way he barely spoke before he was all over you.
It wasn't uncommon for him to come home from work and immediately start a make out session. Somedays he would drop to his knees and eat you out for hours. Sometimes he would rip your clothes off and manhandle you like a doll... doggie style was his favorite for this occasions.
That's where you found yourself now. It was very late and you were very tired. Still, when he walked into the room, you knew you weren't going to sleep so soon.
You didn't mind. Obviously, even when he acted like that, he always, always made sure you came. Made sure you felt really good... he didn't ignore for a second the spots he knew you liked. Pleasing you was probably the part that calmed him down the most.
But tonight you didn't really... feel like it? It was weird, David always lighted up a flame in you with the touch of his hand. And that's why you allowed him to do what he needed to do. Well... you wouldn't have to do anything, just... let him have his way, and you would get tons of pleasure from it, so why not?
You weren't sure why not... why you were not wet. Why the pain was so unbearable when he entered you. It hurt more that your first time with him.
"Ouch!" You complained.
"Sorry, baby, just..." He tried to start moving, but the friction was just... so uncomfortable. "Are you okay?"
He thought all he had to do was prepare you better. He spit on his fingers and began to stroke your clit. But God, it felt TERRIBLE.
He pulled out. Shoved two fingers inside. Your head started to spin. You were almost disgusted by it all... so overwhelmed... the room was suddenly too hot and you couldn't breath...
"RED!" You yelled.
David froze. You had agreed on a safe word very early on the relationship, since you had... a little trouble with intimacy. But it never even crossed your mind using it... you never needed it. What the hell was going on? He removed his fingers quickly, and sat you up, desperately looking for any signs of bruises on your body.
"Dave..." you called, feeling sick.
His eyes followed your gaze to the sheets under you. There was blood. Not a lot of it, but still... it triggered your most horrible memories. And David knew that.
Before you were able to give yourself completely to him, you confessed that you didn't have the best experience with intimacy during your previous relationship. Your ex just didn't know how to get you into it and you were too afraid of saying no to him most of the time, scared he wouldn't love you anymore... and all that caused you to get hurt sometimes. Bleeding was almost routine in your sexual life. But it never had happened ONCE while you were with David. He was the complete opposite from your abusive ex. He cared about your pleasure more than about his own. He never forced you to do anything. He studied every little reaction from your body, to know what you liked. And he never made you afraid to tell him how you felt. But seeing that little red stain on the mattress made you sick. No, this can't be happening again...
"Fuck, baby, I'm so sorry, hey... look at me, please..." The pain in his voice was obvious. He was thinking the same thing as you. He hated your ex more than you. When you told him about all the things he did, he wanted to kill him. And now... he was disgusted with himself.
You were numb. You didn't even want to cry. You simply disconnected from reality. You weren't sure how much time passed, but the growing desperation in David's voice indicated it was a lot.
"Talk to me, please, please, baby..." He grabbed the sheets tightly, his knuckles turning white. He wanted to grab you instead, bring you close and apologize for hours, but he wasn't sure if it was okay to touch you.
"You said..." Your voice was low and weak as you spoke. "You said this would never happen to me again."
"Angel..." Part of him was relieved that you spoke, but those were definitely the most painful words he had ever heard. "I can't tell you how fucking sorry I am."
"Want to be alone." You requested, emotionless.
"No..." He shook his head. "I can't leave you alone like this, you're not okay, baby, let me help, please..."
"Just need some time." You insisted, not looking him in the eye.
You went through so many things during these years you and David had been together. And during every single one of them, he was there to help. But how could he help now, when it was all his fault? That's all he could think of. Of course you wouldn't want him around. You're a fragile, precious flower, while he's was a violent, cruel, heartless man... he thought he could leave all that at the station everyday to come home to you, but he can't. That's who he is.
"Alright." He whispered, getting out of bed. He fixed his clothes and his first instinct was to kiss your forehead as he stood up beside you. But he couldn't do that. He felt like you would break if he touched you. And the worst part was that you felt the same way.
He walked away from the room, and you waited until he shut the door behind him to let the tears fall. You were so confused. He hurt you. Never in a million years you'd imagine that.
At the same time... it wasn't like it used to be with your ex. He stopped immediately when you asked. He didn't know... still, should he be this rough without a warning? Shouldn't he check for signs before anything? Was it fair to be the one he used to relieve his anger when you weren't the one who made him mad?
Well... it can be hot sometimes. When you are in the right mood, it's something you really enjoy... and you have a safe word for times like this, so... can you blame him? How would he know this time was different?
It was all too confusing and you had no idea how you actually felt. You didn't know what to do. You trusted David with your entire heart and you knew that he would take a bullet for you, it was obvious he didn't do it on purpose. But miscommunication is the most dangerous thing in a relationship and you can't let that happen again.
You stood up and removed the stained sheets from the bed, putting all of your anger on this task. Then you put on your clothes and sat on the floor, beside the discharged sheets. You were so mad that your past continued to haunt you. That it was affecting David, who had done nothing but help you heal. Now he wasn't there with you because of the crimes of another man.
You cried until you were exhausted, and ended up falling asleep right there on the floor.
When you opened your eyes, you were lost. You didn't remember why you were on the floor until you saw the sheets. You shivered. How much time had passed? Where was David?
You gathered all your strength to stand up and opened the bedroom door. The house was completely dark. Shit. What if he got himself in trouble somewhere? If he had left the house on the state he was earlier... he probably would.
Then you heard something. The TV. You rushed downstairs. David was asleep on the sofa. You sighed and walked towards him. Kneeling on the floor, you placed your hand softly on his face. But he was absolutely exhausted, he didn't wake up. You felt you were going to cry again. He was so beautiful... even though you hardly saw him looking this peaceful while he was awake.
You laid on top of him on the sofa, snuggling on his chest, legs intertwined with his. He still didn't wake up. It was crazy to think that man would ever hurt you... you never felt as safe as whenever you could feel him like this. You fell asleep again.
When he woke up, if it wasn't for the tears on his shirt, he would have thought it was all a nightmare and none of that actually happened. His body was tense under yours, he still wasn't very comfortable with touching you again.
"Y/N..." He called, hands slowly caressing your arms, trying to wake you up as gently as possible.
You opened your eyes, but it was quite hard to adjust... they were swollen from crying so much.
"Dave." You said, sitting up. He followed your movements, sitting beside you. "Dave, listen... I'm so sorry, I..."
"Don't you dare." He interrupted. "Don't you dare apologize."
"I overreacted." You insisted.
"No, you didn't." He took a deep breath. "I fucking hurt you. Could have been a lot worse."
"But it wasn't." You furrowed your eyebrows. "We have a safe word. I used it and... that's it, it's okay now. It didn't end up badly."
"How can you say it didn't end up badly?" He shook his head. "It ended up with you fucking bleeding and crying. Fuck, I'll never be able to get out of my head that look in your eyes... fucking scared of me."
"I'm not scared of you. If you put that gun against my head I wouldn't be scared. I trust you." You assured him. "I just panicked... got... bad memories. That look in my eyes wasn't for you, was for my past."
"I brought it back." He reached on his pockets for his cigarettes. David never smoked inside the house, but by the way his hands were shaking, you could see he was nervous.
"Well, I..." You were desperately looking for the right words to calm him down. "If I had used the safe word earlier, this wouldn't have happened. It's not your fucking fault, David."
"Yeah? Then why didn't you?" He replied, cigarette in his mouth, looking for his lighter. "Fuck..."
"Fucking look at me." You grabbed the cigarette from his mouth and threw it on the floor.
It was the adrenaline. You didn't think before doing it. He looked at you absolutely stunned. No one dared to say a word.
"Right... I can see you're not scared." He finally broke the silence.
You started laughing. Hard. Was it that funny or was that nervousness? It didn't matter, because it put a smile on his face.
"I'm sorry... I was just trying to be heard." You shrugged.
"Well..." He went back to a more serious tone. "Then why don't you answer my question? Why didn't you tell me to stop earlier? You didn't even need to say the safe word, if you just told me 'no', I wouldn't... I wouldn't have laid a finger on you, you know that, right?"
"I do." You replied. "I really do, I swear... but I... I guess I didn't realize how I really felt until it was too late, you know? I was happy that you were home and I wanted you around... wanted you to touch me and you know I like it when you're rough, so... I was confused. It wasn't anyone's fault. Specially not yours, okay?"
"I don't know..." He looked at the cigarette on the floor. "I feel like I could have read the situation a little better, you know?"
"You stopped when I asked you to stop, that's all you could have done." You grabbed his hand, caressing it with your thumb. "Everything else that happened... could only be avoided if you changed my past."
"I could still kill him." He joked. Or at least you hoped he was joking...
"Does that change the past?" You rolled your eyes.
"No, but it would be pretty fucking satisfying." He shrugged. "You know, I don't believe in this kind of justice. I promise I never killed anyone, but... for you? I wouldn't think twice."
"Well, you don't have to." You got closer, sitting on his lap and placing both hands on each side of his face. "What really helps me get through it all is all the love you've given me. All the respect. Just how fucking much you care... nothing else is gonna fix me. The way you made me believe that I deserve to be loved and taken care of... and that there are good people out there."
"That just can't happen again, baby... I can't do it." He sent you a pleading look.
"It won't, look..." You promised him. "If I ever feel uncomfortable again, I'll tell you right away, okay?"
"Please." His voice came out so weak. "If I hurt you I will never be able to live with myself."
"You won't hurt me. That isn't you." You assured him. "You're gentle and sweet... even when you're rough, I promise I always feel safe."
"I don't think I'll ever be that rough again." His eyes widened.
"David. Don't say that." You almost whined. "I want you to!"
"Y/N..." He sighed. "Let's just... take a break from that, okay?"
"Hm." You smirked. "Okay, baby, I'm not complaining about making sweet love to my wonderful boyfriend... it's just that... when I want it rough... I'm gonna tease you until I get it. I know how to break you, you know that."
"For fucks sake... you're a fucking menace." He rubbed his face with his hands. "Where's my cigarette?"
"Come and get it..." You giggled.
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d-romanov · 11 days ago
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Do you do like self harm reader? Maybe wandanat are together and have adopted or just taken in a 16 year old đŸ€·â€â™€ïž idk am in one of those moods but I get if it makes you uncomfortable or triggers you or something!
Love your writing btw!
even when we're goin' under.
[ 1.2k words ]
[ natasha x teen!reader ]
summary: it's a bad habit, but it helped at first and now you can't stop. natasha offers comfort and understanding.
notes: hi! ty so much for the prompt đŸ«¶ sorry i took so long to write it. this fic leans more towards vent fic and i definitely won't write things like this often. i switched it up a bit cause that's just how i wrote it. so, sorry no wandanat this time
TW!!: semi-graphic descriptions and discussion of self harm, past abuse (hydra/the red room it's vague)
this fic is heavy!! please don't read if you're triggered by self harm. stay safe and take care of yourselves ♄
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It started with an itch.
A small biting at the back of your neck, the sides of your arms, the inner sides of your thighs.
It wasn't a real itch, that you knew, but you were compelled to scratch anyways.
It always happened after a long day. The stress and overload of your senses would hit at the end of the day, and you felt like ripping your skin off.
The biting never went away. No matter how hard you scratched, your dull nails never did enough. A nervous habit of biting your nails left them too short to do any real damage to your skin, even when the itch felt bone deep.
There were other times it would start up again. After a particularly clear nightmare, a flashback to a kill you had no conscious part in. The guilt sunk your heart to your feet and filled your veins with poison. Burning and itching and begging to be released, begging for relief.
You found your relief, of all places, while cooking. A misguided blade chopping vegetables had nicked your hand, and in the bite of pain and rush of blood your skin stopped burning. You hadn't thought about it too hard in the moment, but when the itch returned later you finally had a way to get it out.
--
It went on for a few weeks. Far more than you intended.
It was a temporary solution, a quick fix. A messy fix that layered you skin with more scars than had already been there, but they felt better.
It was easier to reconcile to new marks on your flesh, because these came from you. Not a beating or a fight or experiment of any kind.
No. These new, thin, horizontal lines along your shoulders were purely your creation.
It was stupid. A terrible habit, bordering addiction because you just couldn't stop. Every time, that same burning itch came back, practically with a vengeance. A burning, blistering want to be released, for the guilt to be acknowledged, for some self punishment?
You no longer understood why it happened, just that it did and cutting yourself dulled the feeling and cleared your head.
--
You tried to hide it, for a while, but you were caught out eventually.
You didn't know what had changed, what part of you has suddenly raised alarm in Natasha's eye, but she was somehow even more perceptive than she usually was.
You'd always been close with the redhead, since the day you entered the tower. She got you through the hardest parts of adjusting, the loneliness of a widow adjusting to a semi-normal life. She cared for you like her own child.
So really, she'd be the first to notice your withdrawing. The baggier shirts with longer sleeves, the subtle hunch, the flinch when something grazed your shoulders. Of course she knew something was wrong.
--
It comes to a head one day. You've locked yourself in the bathroom after a nasty night terror left you panicking for the better part of an hour. Hastily cleaning and covering the new cuts on your arm. The sting of antiseptic grounds you and the smell of it drowns out the smell of iron.
You reach for your discarded hoodie when you hear a knock at your bedroom door. Your heart rate picks up.
The only person who would be at your door this early in the morning would be Natasha. The only person in the tower who's so in tune with your feelings well-being that she has to know what you've been doing almost daily for nearly 3 weeks.
"y/n? Honey, I need to talk to you."
A few more tries and your bedroom door opens. You quickly throw on your hoodie but you can't bring yourself to even unlock the bathroom door. Natasha is just outside. You hold your breath.
"y/n?"
"Yeah?" You ignore the croak in your voice.
"Can you open the door?" She asks softly.
You don't want to, but you're so tired of hurting. You shakily unlock the door and open it, not meeting her eyes. Unconsciously, you tug your hoodie sleeves over your hands.
Natasha doesn't say another word. She barely moves, she just breathes softly and keeps her body relaxed. You feel like crying.
You blink and traitorous tears escape your eyes. Natasha brings her hands up slowly and pulls you in. The rough feel of fabric pulls against the fresh cuts on your shoulder and you flinch as she pulls you in.
"Oh, ЎДтĐșĐ°."
Your breath hitches and you fall into her arms. She squeezes you tight to her chest while your body is wracked by silent sobs.
"I-, I'm sorry," You can barely get the words out, but you need her to know. You need her to know you wanted to stop and you couldn't because even when you felt better you still felt awful and it never helped. "I tried to stop. I-I wanted to-"
"I know, ĐŒĐ°Đ»Ń‹Ńˆ, I know." She sits the two of you on the bed behind her, stroking your hair and never once letting go.
You just sit for a while. Natasha's solid form and gentle words of encouragement help to calm you down. Enough to pull back, wipe the snot and tears from your face and prepare yourself for her inevitable questions.
"Can I see?"
Whatever you were expecting, it wasn't that. You hesitantly pull off your hoodie, and Natasha reaches out to help when the fabric catches uncomfortably on still-drying blood.
You feel exposed while Natasha moves to your bathroom. She comes back out with your first aid kit but you still refuse to meet her eyes.
You know what she sees. Angry lines of red, criss-crossing over old and new scars. In the back of your mind you hear a voice like Madame call you weak minded.
Broken.
With a tender hand, Natasha treats your self-inflicted wounds, cleans them softly and kisses each new bandage. She presses one final kiss, feather-light on your forehead. You let your tired body fall into her again.
"I know it feels good, in the moment," Her hands comb through your hair again, smoothing and braiding it mindlessly. "It doesn't really last though, does it?"
you shake your head, butting her chin lightly in the process.
"I can't ask you to stop, I know it doesn't work that way," You feel her take a deep breath and you copy the motion. "But will you tell me? The next time you feel the need?"
You shrug, because you truly don't know. "I'll try." It's as much a promise to her as it is to yourself.
It's really the best you can do, in the moment, and Natasha gladly accepts the answer.
Later, when you aren't so emotionally and physically drained, Natasha will sit you down again. She'll talk you into therapy, or at least to trying it out. She'll help you process your guilt, your grief, all with a steady hand holding your wrist. A promise not to let go.
But for now, Natasha pulls you under messy covers and holds you close, humming an old Russian lullaby as you settle against her.
As you drift off, you hear one more promise.
"I'm always here for you, y/n. I'm not going anywhere."
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ehh-is-the-name · 26 days ago
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Watching ii-17 right before bed was a mistake
So gang I'm crying.
You know the drill, bad spoilers under the cut.
Im gonna try to go in order..? Maybe I don't know. I'm so serious when I say I've lost the will to live. They pulled the plug and it's all gone. Show's over.
I'll try to relight my inner flame and have more energy as I go through the ep piece by piece, but please understand I am literally crying while I write all this.
Starting strong
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Knife just doing what we wish we could </3
This is gonna be Cobs and Mephone centric- ok. You already know I'm a Meeple head and this actually is gonna torment me forever and ever and things are never going to be ok ever again, I can't belive this is actually the end guys I'm spiralling hel-
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Did I ever say how much I hate this cob of corn?
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I don't even have the energy to explain the parallels here, if you've been watching you get it. You know how this corn shucker is. The "Don't talk to them like that" being a response 'cause that's how he's always been talked down to.... the generational abuse did stop at this ep I guess. Not how we wanted tho.
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Actually heartbreaking- like that whole thing. I'm glad he got out of the closet and tried to help but... I'm so sorry y'all all I see is the grass field with him sitting in it and I can;t stop thinking about it. He can't go back. He can't- It's supposed to get better for him. things are supposed ot be ok. they were all supposed to be fine I don't know why it's like this I cna't belive this is how it's ending. I know there might be more but also the possibility there;s not is overwhelming I don't i cant-
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IS THE PHENOMES A SLUR FOR THE SHIMMERS???
I got into convo with a friend over this, but think about it. Cobs is literally known as their oppressor, and "the phenomes" is "what he always calls them", even though they so clearly go by the shimmers, and he DEFINITELY knows that by now.
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Same friend I was arguing with was telling me that:
The word “phenom” means something/someone with a really talented skill. Perhaps this slur means something like real useful tool or something
Which, if their name to Cobs is specifically about being a tool of his then... idk man. Sounds kinda derogatory to me! Though I think anything this cob of corn says sounds derogatory to me. I keep trying to not just be a cob hater, but guys I think I'm a little justified in blind hatred now. I mean come on-
He litterally does this, and then practically begs Mephone to scream and cry and explode and-
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Like is that not evil behaviour? Is that not behaviour justifying this reaction?
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When I say this show makes me crazy- AOUGHGh.
On a different note before I get into the ending. I was telling this friend that like... just look at this frame
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Like he actually looks insane. Like think about it y'all. Years poured into this and he's laughing to himself as he tries to make two "fake" people fight to the death. His glasses are broken, he's up on some abraham lincoln ass booth watching this all go down with a crazed smile. This man has gone inanimate insane. Inanimate insanity has made this man insane.
.
...
.
I would also like to say before I get into the next part, I have such a visceral reaction to this because mephone is was my hope (cringe and sad I know), but quite literally me but with mephone himself
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He gave me hope for a future but I fucking guess not </3
The fear in Mephone's eyes as Cobs just so plainly says to come along, like everything wasn't just shattered.
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I've seen people say it's like a kid being told to pack it up and start heading home, but it's more than that. God. Please tell me you see it's more than that. This guy ran away from a terrible situation, tried to cope with the trauma (not in a healthy way but still tried) and his abuser's bringing him right back home.
Just... Just look at him in the gif, that's not just "some kid being sad" there's more to that. This whole interaction solidifies the fact there's nowhere safe for him. Even in the world he made, nothing- Nothing could stop his abuser from reaching him. He couldn't run far enough, he couldn't hide well enough. He just has to accept his fate. He has to go "home", even though his was destroyed.
I don't know how to stay hopeful after this episode, but I'll try to stay alive just for the chance of an act 3 or epilogue or something. It's 4 am as I type this. I started this ep at 12:30 am. This show has proved to be the reigning champion of my mental spiralling. I beg this phone can leave but.... you know how it is-
and ironically enough the ad that I got on this episode...
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Anyway,
Closing thoughts: Can't believe Adam, Justin, and Brian are fake, and homophobic for killing off most of the bright light polycule. I mean, that's just classic bury your gays trope right there and smh. Thought they'd do better. Gonna go fall off a waterfall Airy-style since we just can't help having hfjone parallels now. Night, everyone.
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