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mlobsters · 10 months ago

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supernatural s13e18 bring 'em back alive (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

charlie? really? ok. her exit was horrendous so maybe this is trying to make up for that but the reunion tour of this era is making me real tired

CASTIEL Dean is in Apocalypse World, alone? SAM No, he's with Ketch, so he's not alone. CASTIEL Because that makes it so much better. SAM Cass, he wanted to go solo. CASTIEL And you let him? SAM I... He didn't give me much of a choice. Anyways, Dean's right. As long as he's over there, and we're here, we need to be taking care of Gabriel, getting him right again.

oh please, cas, like you're any better at it :p unless you just force-sleep everyone

cas, perhaps give sam more than 10 seconds of talking to gabriel before declaring it a lost cause. surprise surprise trying to force feed the clearly very traumatized gabriel grace back garnered a bad reaction. why are they having cas be an ass now suddenly. speight looks so tiny all huddled up compared to cas and sam

(forgot/don't care about the lucifer and danneel situation quite honestly)

jackles what was THAT. the most ridiculous fall. the backpack being yeeted 10 feet and the legs windmilling for no reason

great. of course.

KETCH Now then... this will smart. There we are. Good lad. Good lad. Good lad.

ok. i follow a horse rider in wales who is always saying 'good lad' to her horses in the same manner lol. okay this is too much. i'll just include both scenes in the clip

so first thing. i really like the sound design of cas doing his whatever in gabriel's head. we get the ringing associated with "enochian" yeah whatever bros. and also the background static along with the like, waves of something too far away so it's just more garbled static. worst description ever. imagine you're in a car driving across the country and you're trying to find a station but you're in the middle of bumfuck nothing. anyway, it's subtle but it's a nice touch. even if i think the execution of angel radio generally is kinda goofy, i like the angel radio can't find a station situation

secondly, i'm really not sure what they're trying to sell us here with this dean and ketch scene. the good lad'ing aside, there's also so some sort of weird eye contact moments that seem weirdly hot and heavy for these characters in this situation. it feels like they're trying to sell me on ketch and dean bonding and i'm 🙅 i can only stow so much baggage (like hey cas for example, that one doesn't stay stowed very well admittedly [i hold a grudge for the bad things he did but try not to because they don't]) I'M OUT OF ROOM. it's not rehabbing john winchester levels of 🚫 but it's up there.

SAM Gabriel, you have to dig yourself out of this hole. Look, I know you think it's safer inside. No more torture. No more pain. No more expectations. I've been there. You were nothing like your family. You sure as hell weren't like your dad. Me either. And just like you, I got out. Or I-I thought I got out. But then... then my family needed me. And this is my life. No matter how many times I tried to fight it, this is what I was put here to do. This is where I make the world a better place. And sure, yeah, hookers in Monte Carlo sounds great, but your family needs you. Jack, your nephew, needs you. The world needs you. We need you. Gabriel, I need you. So, please, help us.

oh my god this episode has too many moments i want clips of. this fucking speech sam is making is RIDICULOUS and now we got this swelling mushy music via horns so it feels vaguely like. militaristicor star wars, to go with the rousing THE WATERS RECEDED speech (jay gruska episode)

thank you for the john w shade, you know i'm always here for it esp since i just bitched about the show's attempts at rehabbing him over the years :p also, wonder what the "got out" is referring to - an actual stanford mention? rarities this day in age.

also like, why is everyone so mad at gabriel? give him more than a few hours? this is a whack ass episode, man. and ALSO, sam's impassioned and emotional, "i need you" like what is going on right now? what do they need gabriel for so badly? generally having a strong ally? i've lost the plot here.

i am really not here for dean reliving his manpain over the frustrating and maddening original killing of charlie as some bonding experience with mr ketchup.

gabriel killing asmodeus, ketch staying behind with charlie, and in fact they only weepily needed gabriel to fight with them and big surprise he wasn't interested and bailed. and no grace to make another portal. whatever, man. dean got to have a little temper tantrum over being stymied again (i get it, but i also flinch [and panic] when someone explodes like that)

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 13x18 #spn clip #spn mushy music #spn musical score #brad buckner #eugenie ross leming #jay gruska

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wasdplz · 2 years ago

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I posted 733 times in 2022

That's 199 more posts than 2021!

19 posts created (3%)

714 posts reblogged (97%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@livingthedragonlife

@anais-ninja-bitch

@bethanyactually

@pavlovean

@sovengardeswag

I tagged 517 of my posts in 2022

Only 29% of my posts had no tags

#sw trash blog - 41 posts

#star wars - 41 posts

#mass effect - 32 posts

#dragon age - 23 posts

#vidya games - 13 posts

#leverage - 13 posts

#lotr - 11 posts

#😂 - 11 posts

#reference - 9 posts

#stranger things - 8 posts

Longest Tag: 135 characters

#every time i’m forced to use chrome bc of work or whatever and i’m assaulted by ads and other weirdness from various sites i get so mad

My Top Posts in 2022:

Just saw some post where op said “do not add tags when reblogging” like ???? Are u new here

5 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

So this has been a Fun couple of months.

A little over a month ago, half the people at work got laid off. Including me. We recently lost our biggest client so the unspoken threat of layoffs was in the air but tbh i thought i was safe. I was one of only 2 ppl left on a very specialized team and i had been there years longer. Surprise! 😡

Then getting my severance was a mini nightmare. Finally got it and it was like half of what i was told, bc it got torn to shreds by taxes before i even got it.

Then abt a week ago i found out a close online friend died. I hadn’t known him v long, probably only a couple years tops, but we played overwatch together several times a week and i chatted w him in discord every day. So it hit me harder than i expected.

A little light at the end of the tunnel, though: i applied to a job last week and just found out yesterday that i got it. But yeah. Rough 2 months.

8 notes - Posted April 20, 2022

youtube

SUBNAUTICA - Full Soundtrack OST - Music by Simon Chylinski

11 notes - Posted January 6, 2022

Oh m y god

48 notes - Posted July 28, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

For @mishikaiya for the@masseffectholidaycheer secret santa :) Leon Shepard i tried to do garrus too but i forgot how incredibly bad i am at drawing turians i'm sorry omgggg

65 notes - Posted January 15, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Youtube

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dutchannanas · 22 days ago

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Episode 6 sorry I forgot to share ��

Okay great, this one is 1 hour and 44 minutes! Block 1 won. I forgot about that. Probably because I hoped Block 4 would win.

OH WHAT BLOCK 5 VS BLOCK 8

I'm holding onto my heart 😭😂

Hippie Kunda and Drain K are so cute but shouldn't everyone wear a hoodie? You know, show off unity as a Block? They stand out as a duo.

WOW. THAT WAS AMAZING. That was so much fun to watch!! I had my doubts but they have great teamwork together!

For Block 5 I don't have any interesting commentary. They were good. As expected. And they won, as expected.

SEE! OKAY I'M NOT CRAZY when I said there was clearly a duo in Block 8. Even other rappers are talking about it.

Block 6 vs Block 7, I'm betting my money on Block 6. Ahww Marv is so cute~ and lmao Chaboom overly concerned dad 🥹

Wait, is Owen wearing his own merch? 🤨 (His face on a potato shirt)

Oh my god. Block 6~ this is so far my favourite performance. I don't know how Block 7 is going to top this for me.

I love how Marv mentions BEAST and Highlight hahah. Kpop reference~ too bad he made a mistake :(

Did Double Down just say the n-word?

Man... This performance sucked. Marv fucked up, Foggy fucked up, Double Down.... Only Owen did a good job lmao

I don't think Block 7 deserves any votes at all.

I'm sorry Marv IT SUCKED. TELL THEM CHABOOM! Seeing Owen and Marv talk... Am I interrupting something?

I just googled his age. He's 23 years old. Owen is almost 30 I think. Yeahhh I think this might be a matter of experience. Falling down and getting up. Owen has done that many many many times. Marv is just getting started, no wonder he's mad.

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

Round twooooo

Block 6 vs Block 5

Kaogaii is putting a lot of pressure on Joonie 😭 but from his pov, I get it 😔

I don't know who's more anxious, me or Joonie.

OH OH OH MY GOD SHE DID IT. IT WAS PERFECT. COME HERE I WANNA GIVE YOU A HUG 🫂 LET'S GOOOO BLOCK 6

There's one rapper who's censored. I believe he's involved with the Jessi photo incident? The editing fucked up the performance for me... It wasn't enjoyable to watch :/ but hey at least Joonie did a perfect job 💅🏻

The Khundi Panda / Mckdaddy / Kaogaii kdrama continues~

Block 5 is too cool pffff I'm pretty sure they're gonna win. I knew it~ O'Domer, I saw he made a mistake but I couldn't see the full performance unfortunately. Oh well, time to let it go now 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ahhhhhhh

So next up is Block 2 vs 3 and whoever wins is up against Block 1.

Loopy oh Loopy~ please go on a date with me just once 😔👊🏻

Block 3 won with a 1 vote difference. Ahh it was close. It must've been because Yukon fucked up.

Block 1 vs Block 3

Sheeeeesh Block 1's energy goes HARD everyone is hyped up hahaha

Block 3 was so cool 🫣 clean performance

HUH????

BLOCK 3 DIDN'T GET ANY VOTES???

This whole Block Tournament is over. All members of Block 5 and Block 1 survive.

Death match time?

Oh new rules? Wait I'm stupid and confused 😭 I'll just wait for the next episode, then it'll make sense 👍🏻

#rap:public

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fuckyeahkagepro · 6 years ago

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( ADDED TO THE EARLIER POST TOO )

BTW FRIENDLY REMINDER

IF TAKANE CHRONOLOGICALLY AGES TO 19

NEAR BEGINNING OF THE SERIES

THAT MEANS

HER BIRTHDAY WOULD FALL BETWEEN

APRIL 1ST-2ND AND AUGUST 15TH !!!!!

* BECAUSE THE JAPANESE SCHOOL YEAR BEGINS IN APRIL

* AND AFTER APRIL 1ST-2ND BUT BEFORE THE CURRENT TIMEFRAME (AUG. 15TH) IS WHEN TAKANE WOULD AGE !!! (+ BE ON THE OLDER END!!!)

* BTW THIS INFORMATION RE: ENE’S AGE CAME FROM AN OLD JIN INTERVIEW

AND WAS A DIRECT QUOTE FROM JIN SAYING “19″!!!!!

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natromanxoff · 4 years ago

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I wasn’t sure about posting this at first but as it is already shared publicly and I have come across with it on Pinterest, I decided that it would be okay. So here is a story of a fan about Jim Hutton:

“ON 23rd of March, there was a Queen Tribute band concert in Goresbridge and my boyfriend told me that Jim would come as well. He admitted that he had arranged with Stephen for Jim to come along. The concert was in the pub called The Spirit Store. What a great name for spiritual meeting, I thought. When I entered, Jim sat at the table with Stephen, Jascqueline, her sister Valeria and other family friends. There was nowhere to sit, so we just stood by the table for a while. When I looked at Jim, he appeared somewhat fragile and tiny, like a man who could easily be overlooked. He didn´t look anything like those photos portraying him in the books.

After a while, there was a free seat by the table and everyone, including Jim, moved in order for us to sit down. It was just one place and my friend Mike wanted to take it. He got up fast but they all stopped him. Jim measured Mike up and down and told him, "Perhaps you should let the lady sit here, you cavalier!" Embarassed, Mike got up from his chair and offered it to me. I got the honorable place alongside Jim. Being a woman sometimes has its advantages! Jim welcomed me with heartfelt "Hi". At first I was nervous, but after a while I felt relaxed and enjoyed Jim's company. I was aware of his behavior, gestures, laughter, and tried to absorb his energy all at once. It was easy to talk to him about anything and everything.

I wanted to know the man Freddie loved so much, so I guess I started giving him many questions.

"Jim, are you still in touch with Phoebe?" Jim looked at me closely and began to talk to me with interest. "I haven´t really been talking to him for a long time. I know he had a hotel in Dubai, then he sold it, and he's in Prague now. He also bought something overthere and I think he's going to settle down there." When I heard about Prague, I jumped up excitedly and told him that I was from there. He smiled a little, though the coincidence like this didn´t overwhelm him as much as me.

He relished glass of Budwaiser and smoked Ultra light Silk Cuts. He offered me one and lit it up for me like a real gentleman. It seemed he wanted to continue talking. We both made fun of the ultralight effect of his cigarettes, which would probably piss off every orthodox smoker, Freddie for sure! He then demonstrated jokingly, how to properly smoke them. He inhaled all the smoke by sucking in his cheeks and widening his eyes, as if he should soon burst like an inflated toad. None of us resisted and we both burst into a mad laughter. I told him about my visit to Munich and meeting Barbara. He smiled and listened, then he rolled his eyes up to heaven and stated that she is one hell of a crazy woman. I totally agreed, and added, that also alcoholic one. It was surreal to talk about mutual aquaintances together, people we both knew. I also mentioned my visit to New York club and I could see how he returns nostalgically into his memories. Then I also tried to make him remember my friend Allison, who told me about him in the first place.

"About nine years ago she visited you in London". He couldn´t remember and admitted, that since then a lot of people have passed through his life and many of them he never saw again.

I continued. "She showed me several of your photos and in one of them you were holding Freddie's portrait that you bought at the auction". Suddenly he jumped up and said he knew whom I mean.

I showed him my miniature box containing a stone and talked about it with almost patriotic pride. "It's a stone from Logan Mews that I had to dig out from under the threshold of his house, because there was nothing else to take." Jim laughed out loud, this time without any hindrance and doubt that I was totally crazy. I also laughed because I knew I sound like nuts. He remarked with smile from ear to ear that I was pretty crazy. "Yeah, I'm crazy, and I'm proud to be. Who isn´t...and by the way.....why not?" I smiled at what I just said, because that´s what Freddie would say, to defend himself. Jim then talked about the medallion that Freddie had given him for his birthday. He said, there were three miniature pictures inside. "The first is that of Miko ", he said gently, looking up at me to make sure I knew who he was talking about. "In the other one is Freddie" ... he continued with kind of fervor and love. Something deep inside me shivered. "In the third one," ... he didn´t answer yet, when I jumped into his monologue ...."Tiffany," I blurted out.

"My mom's photo," he finished his sentence. (and I prayed he didn´t register my answer).

It was nice to hear him remembering like that. He opened up in front of me the way I never dreamt of. I think it was nice for him to share these beautiful moments and to talk about things that meant so much to him. "This rock is my good luck charm. I have been listening to Queen since I´m twelve and I also work in the Fan Club's office. We celebrate his anniversary every year. When I went here, I was kidding with my friends that I might meet Jim Hutton in Ireland... and here you are, sitting right next to me. That´s my dream come true", I said all emotional.

"How do you know Stephen?", he inquired after while.

"I go out with Vinnie and they are good friends" He eyed my boyfriend and indicated that he knew who he was.

"I was annoying the two of them and was constantly asking them to bring you", I smiled.

"Oh, Jacqueline wanted me to come, alright" Jim smiled at the thought. Then he talked about the music talent competition, in which they were selecting the best imitators of Queen.

"What music are you actually listening to?" I wondered.

"I have no favorite, I'm listening to almost everything. Even a radio".

"And do you still have Zig and Zag?"

He only sighed and said in a sad voice that they had both died since then.

"And do you have any other cats?"

"Yeah, I have seven others now," Jim smiled. This number didn´t surprise me. The old habits are hard to kill.

"Do you still keep up the gardening, Jim?"

"Constantly," he said with a loving smile and amusedly showed me his hands dirty from the clay and covered in sores. For God's sake, he must have been gardening a few minutes before going to a concert!, I thought to myself. A complete garden maniac.....

We were joking on the account of the band that was supposed to start playing long time ago, but somehow did not. He told me it would be nice to get drunk, so we didn´t know how terrible they were. That really made me crack up. He could be so funny.

He joked and emphasized to everyone around the table, that instead of a concert he could have been at home watching his favorite movie. In the same breath, he admitted that he was curious about their performance and that he hadn´t been out in ages.

He leaned over to me and confessed, that now he lived a life completely cut off from the rest of the world.

"We are basically the same, I am basically like him. Now I just enjoy loneliness and privacy. I don´t go out anywhere except my garden". I immediately knew whom he was referring to in his speech.

I said that I had discovered his house in Palatine and apologized when I saw his slightly concerned look. I said I was just little curious.

He then recalled a few of his encounters with the fans. One day there was an unknown car with a couple of strangers that arrived to his house. They came all way from Vienna and they found him by questioning people in a town! Not a hard thing to trace him, he said, as every cab driver in the area knows him pretty well. One local newspaper even published a photo of his house, and although they gave a wrong address, a lot of people had found him.

That made me laugh, because I knew what it means to be a devoted fan.

"On the other hand, it's nice to know that someone is constantly looking after you and giving you the feeling that all this is still alive," I added with a smile.

"Jim, do you still have your Volvo?"

"You mean the one that Freddie gave me?.....No, I don´t have it few years now, I´ve swapped it for a new one," he smiled.

He was all too gallant all the time, always lighting my cigarette.

He also wondered how long I would stay in Ireland, so I said that only another half a year.

"And you wanna come back here?" He asked suddenly.

"Oh, I'd love to. I'm trying to find a job either in Carlow or Kilkenny," I said enthusiastically.

Then I fell silent, looked at him and assured him "Definitely."

Each time he looked up into my eyes, I saw an incredibly nice person in front of me. Something in his silent expression suggested that he had suffered great deal of pain in life, but that he was now completely reconciled with his fate. Still, in his eyes shone a spark of unrelenting humor. In his company I forgot all about the world. I was happy to be able to make such an affluent and warm contact with him. The longer we knew each other, the closer we were.

When he wanted to go to the toilet, Stephen told him that the men's toilets were behind the bar and the ladies in front of the bar. It sounded like he wasn´t quite sure which one would Jim prefer.

But Jim didn´t care much and set off to the men's. I admit it made me laugh a little.

Then we continued our dialogue. I mentioned that I read both his and Phoebe's book, but that I couldn´t find his book anywhere in the stores. He confirmed that it´s out of print at the minute.

When I told him that I had stolen his book at the local library, he laughed and said that I should have asked him and he would have given me a copy, but he only had Italian version.

Finally, the band started to play. Everyone in the pub stood up and whole lot of us - as we were tucked in at the back, climbed onto the window ledges. I stood next to Jim, who remained seated.

He looked a little bit run over. I knew he was surrounded by the loneliness and I watched him with sadness. I lacked much power or words to comfort him. It was only after some wonderful songs that we both joined and got up. He could not remain sad in such a loving and friendly company for ever.

When he noticed the enormous, life-vibrant energy that only Queen music could produce in conjunction with a crowd of people singing, I think he forgot his personal pain. I could see pride in his face. He stood up and watched the band. Then he addressed me and made me come up onto the ledge above him to see better. I would not listen to anybody else, but from him it didn´t sound like an order. He wanted me to get the most out of it and it pleased me. Then we sat back and drank. Jim seemed to be getting cheerful and livelier. The more he drank, the more cheerful he was. The guys ordered him Red Bull with vodka. When I asked him if it was vodka, he claimed it was white lemonade! He put a warm glass of "vodka" on my hand, so I almost jumped out of my skin, which he thought was terribly funny.

Whatever he did, he looked at me as though I was the only person who knew what was behind his looks. His faces and funny grimaces reminded me of Freddie. He had a lot of subconsciously inherited poses and gestures from him. Even in his laughter I could detect an influence of Freddie's strong personality. He simply marked all people around him. It was not the same contagious and stormy laugh, but there was a spark of resemblance.

His niece Jacqueline, Valerie and Stephen, danced all the time on the ledge and Jim was pulling them and wrapping himself in between their legs, hugging them, clinging to them, and messing around like a little boy. It was a wonderful sight, as he was so happy and childish.

After some time, Jim lost himself in a crowd of concert goers, so I went to look for him. Without his company it felt such a sad place. It was as if he had fallen through the ground, which made me very nervous. Finally, I found him by the entrance table, where he was joking away with one old blonde, not too different from frivolous Barbara Valentin. I asked him for a photo together. At first he looked impenetrable but as soon as I threw a sad eye and smirked, he brightened up and agreed as if saying "You know you can, anything for you, darling"

His niece Valerie took our picture. He then whispered to me that he hopes I´ll send him some pictures later.

After that he announced that we are going back inside to listen to the band.

I saw them from close-up and I must say that it was much better to just hear them. They looked rather too comic with all their wigs. It was something that would make Freddie laugh too.

I told Jim that they don´t look very natural,which he agreed with, but he said he couldn´t complain about their music. He was totally right, because musically they weren´t bad and the singer had a very authentic voice.

Inside, everybody was dancing and Jim joined in and circled around them like a rogalo.

The whole pub vibrated with intense and loving energy. There was no one who would be bored. Jim then threw himself in the arms of his two nieces, who gently caressed him in his hair and embraced him. He let them take care of him, now vulnerable like a little lost child all of a sudden.

There was something deeply touching about it. He had closed his eyes and sadly lowered his head, as if his tears flowed deep inside, in his invisible world. I realized at this stage, how much he really loved Freddie. I was looking at him and I had a desire to caress him and comfort him but instead, I had to stand aside.

"You can have everything and yet feel alone", Freddie once said. But I was glad Jim had his family and friends around him, who cared and protected him. Jim was going through sorrow and joy,both at the same time, it seemed.

During one of his many shananigans, I caught him messing around with his niece's boyfriend.

He sat him on his knees and imitated sexual intercourse. It would seem offensive and utterly crazy to someone who didn´t know him. But we all did. Jim was laughing like crazy and when he finally looked at me, he seemed a little embarrassed by his behavior and gave me a look that said"I hope you won´t tell on me to Freddie"...but it was hard to take him seriously.

We both smiled conspiratorially at each other. In that sense, our relationship no matter how short-lived, was special. We understood one another in thoughts. He winked at me a couple of times, tapping my beer like an old buddy.

In one moment in particular, Jim leaned over me and whispered: "You as a fan have right to be crazy, but them" ... pointing at our dancing group of friends ... " they are fucked up", he said with smile and he began to knock his finger against his forehead. An international gesture that doesn´t need an interpreter!

Jim then went to the toilets for a while, and I, like a stray sheep, followed him through crowds of oblivious dancers. He was somewhat drunk at that time and barely retained a balance. He staggered a little like a broken tree. No surprise after god knows how many Red bulls and vodkas! I was bit afraid for him, so I supported him inconspicuously by both shoulders from behind. He went to the toilet and cared too little to even close the door behind him. If anyone was looking, he would see Jim Hutton pissing in a toilet bowl in his bright canary shirt.

At that moment they played the most touching song of all, These are the Days of our lives .... I stood by the door and listened, watching the band and waited for Jim. I don´t know why, perhaps because of the fate that brought me here, I suddenly felt terrible sorrow. I was sorry for Freddie and Jim. Tears poured into my eyes. I didn´t cry, but was very close to it. Jim suddenly appeared next to me and noticed my face. "What about those tears? I hope you don´t cry", but at this stage I was lost for words. His concern made me sad even more. Something inside me forced me to caress him. I hugged him gently around his neck and put my head on his shoulder for a moment. I wanted to let him know that I am very sorry about what happened to Freddie. He did not resist. He knew he wasn´t the only one in the world who was missing him. I looked into his eyes, and I told him a sentence that I didn´t know why I said, but I strongly felt it..."Jim, he's here, he IS here." His expression was rather confused at first. "Do you believe me?" ... I said this with a seriousness and a certain degree of self-assurance that he froze for a while. He looked thoughtful. He knew what I was talking about.

I seemed to only confirm his inner conviction. He didn´t say a word. He wiped my tear away with the edge of his hand and without warning, took me firmly by the hand and led me through crowds back to our friends. There was a lot of care and love in his touch. The music was just playing and Freddie just sang "I still love you" and I knew he did.

I didn´t want to leave, but I knew I said everything I needed to. I could not leave without saying goodbye. It would be a sin after all this to just disappear into eternity. I interrupted him from the conversation with someone else, leaned over the table and said, "Jim, I'm leaving now, so I want to say goodbye, it was great pleasure meeting you." I smiled as much as my heart allowed me to and shook his hand. He stared up and thought for a moment, and then, without any hesitance said, "We do not see each other for the last time." I didn´t know at this time how true his words were.

I thought I did not understand well, so I asked again, "sorry?" and he repeated patiently and more resolutely, "I shall surely see you again," while taking my hand into his hands and kissing it gently.

He left me in amazement. I stumbled out from there perplexed but still I could hear him talking about me to someone there. He probably said he hadn´t seen a bigger nutcase in a long time, assuming from his cute teddybear smile. Gosh I loved him so much!

The next day I learned from my friends that Jim was looking next morning for his jacket that he had forgotten in his car. Few days later, I've sent him the promised photographs. Jacquie confirmed that he called in to say he had received them allright.”

2001

“...And then I returned back to Ireland in 2004.

I had the opportunity to welcome Jim to my own home in Carlow sometime in 2006. He was Stephen´s surprise. When the door opened up, I didn´t see him at first.

Then his head popped out from the side of the door and with a laugh he emerged a bit later. He hugged me like we hadn´t seen each other for million years. What I felt at that moment was indescripable. My dear Jim back in my life and in my own house!

We all sat in the living room, Jim settled down on the sofa, I was sitting on the ground and absorbed the precious moments because I knew time spent with him was only borrowed time. Then we watched Queen videos and talked about Freddie as if he were in the next room. It was so surreal. Me and Jim agreed that our favorite video was Scandal, and he just added that Freddie didn´t like it very much because he couldn´t make any creative input in it, although he loved the song.

Then we talked about his illness, about him taking up to 40 pills a day to sustain his health and he also explained the difference between AIDS and HIV, as many people still didn´t know. We have talked so much and - above all - we laughed all night, almost at everything. It was so easy to succumb to his funny personality once again and to his heartfelt laughter. He made jokes about fancying my ex-boyfriend, whom he lied on top of on the sofa. Long time ago, I´ve sent him a letter explaining to him how Freddie has impacted my life. But I've forgotten I´ve ever written it and now I was faced with the horror that I actually have sent it. I hoped he has forgotten about it, but when Jim and I met in the corridor of our house, I couldn´t but apologize to him for that letter, and for being so daring. To my surprise, he looked at me softly with his tired eyes and assured me that my letter was absolutely fascinating. Then we were interrupted by Stephen, who was just leaving a toilet and the conversation was cut short at that point. Unfortunatelly I would never have the chance to find out what was the next thing he was about to say, because I noticed he wanted to continue, if he weren´t interrupted.

When we were saying goodbye at the door, he treated me as an old friend. He simply kissed me on the lips, which utterly shocked me and made me laugh at the same time.

He invited us back to his house to have a little party, but my ex-boyfriend was not in the perfect mood and so we politely declined, which I will forever regret!

About a year after that I bumped into Jim several times in the city where we both lived, or we exchanged text messages whenever I needed to advise what room flowers would be best for our new house. Sometimes I learnt about how he´s doing through my ex-boyfriend, who used to hang out with him and drink few pints in a night bar. Once my ex confessed how Jim told him that I was a great person and he should be happy to have me. They must have been talking about me!!!!

Then I met Jim one night in the nightclub, where he was with his friends. He spent most of his time sitting in the lounge smoking a cigarette, having fun with younger girls. Wherever he was, you heard his laughter. That night my ex-boyfriend arranged for Jim and me to have a dance together.

Jim was just dancing on the dancefloor with some older woman. I remember he had his jumper tied around his waist. I just got onto the dancefloor, he looked at me all serious and pulled me close to him. It was some tediously slow song that I can´t even remember, I just know that we were staggering from side to side like two handiccaped penguins and that made me laugh hysterically.

He was such a clown! Now, however, I consider this moment as one of the most precious memories of him. It was my night.

Back in 2009, I have learned that Jim was diagnosed with cancer. My ex-boyfriend told me how concerned Jim was when informing him. He said, he wept. At that time I didn´t know how serious the situation was and I hoped Jim will get better in no time. I believed the doctors would somehow help him out of it. I saw him a little later at work when he came to our restaurant for breakfast.

I almost served him as another customer, but when I realized it was him, I pulled myself back into the kitchen and let the other girls serve him. He never noticed. I was in such state of shock. I didn´t know what to do, how to act and what to say. He was so thin, just skin and bone. His face was sinking, his eyes full of pain, a small tube leading from his nose to the oxygen device he carried in his backpack and a small canvas hat on his head. I couldn´t believe this was Jim, whom I have remembered being so full of life and joy only half a year ago. I wanted to cry like never before. I also felt embarassed by my own cowardly reaction. I wished more than anything in my life to hug him and say I loved him. I wanted to wish him a happy Christmas. But I was scared of my own tears, which would not help him in his situation.

I wrote him a message on the phone, but he didn´t respond. And then I got the terrible news. Jim died and somehow I also missed his funeral. I took a first taxi and went at least to his months Mass and visited his grave, bringing him daffodils and little white lantern with candle. It was so hard for me. His relatives stood above his grave. I said my prayers in a minute of silence. The air didn´t move and the moon was full in the night sky. It was dark and cold all around but I didn´t care.

I wanted to see him laugh and mess around like he used to. It was as if another star had disappeared and fell to the earth. If only life could last forever.”

2006-2010

Credits to Seraphiel’s blog. Please don’t repost without credits.

#jim hutton

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goldngguk · 6 years ago

Text

red // 06

part one of trilogy series

warnings // a bit of angst, mentions of infidelity, breakups, fluffyyyy

word count // 3.5k

trilogy masterlist

“Today's theme of Run BTS is to find your childhood innocence,” announced the director. “Have you ever been to a zoo at night?” The group found themselves in Everland; a popular Korean resort and theme park for the next episode of Run. “They opened it specifically for you guys.” Everyone cheered. A safari seemed to be the perfect place to forget their ages.

“Are we just on one big team?” Jimin asked excitedly.

The director shook his head. “It won’t be any fun if you’re on a single team. That's why we have prepared a special mechanism for you to divide into three teams. You will find out when we arrive.”

“Alright,” Mason gave a big thumbs up to the camera. “Let’s head out.” The members climbed into the tiger-stripped bus parked behind them and each found a seat. Jungkook, sitting closer to the front, watched as Y/n took a spot next to Jimin and Namjoon in the back. He was on his feet again before another member could pass by and take the last seat next to her.

Ever since her talk with Maya, Y/n has been especially sensitive to Jungkook and his advances. The lingering stares and bright smiles he always flashed her, the subtle compliments and ‘accidental’ touches. She had become obsessed with analyzing him and his crushy behavior, all the while trying to convince herself that it had no effect on her. She was simply curious as to why he was so infatuated. She didn’t think he actually had feelings for her, but he had made it very apparent that he enjoyed her presence. And that was just fine with her.

It only took a few minutes to arrive at what was supposed to be the safari. The bus entered through a gate and drove past a couple of buildings that looked like they had been ransacked and abandoned. A thick cloud of fog swamped the road ahead of them and the members grew confused. “Does anyone see any animals?” Jin asked as he narrowed his eyes to see out the window beside him.

All the members squinted through the smoke. “No, nothing yet.” Everyone began to ask the driver questions. “Why is it so foggy here?” “Are we supposed to see anything?” “Are we even in a zoo?”

The bus came to a halt and one of the staff members rose. “Everyone!” he shrieked causing Jin to yelp. Y/n jumped from the sudden loud noise, grabbing onto Jungkook’s arm. “Yah!” she scolded Jin. From the corner of his eye, Yoongi saw a crowd of people beginning to swarm the entrance. “Hey! It’s a zombie run!” Everyone began to jump and yell as they noticed the people outside dressed as the living dead.

“They look so real,” Jimin said, slumping lower in his seat. The same staff member from earlier walked to the back of the bus and grabbed Hobi, pulling him along with him. The boy screamed and kicked back, not wanting to help the man prepare the way for the others to enter the arena. Everyone else clapped and laughed at his frightened antics.

That, however, only lasted a minute until they realized Hoseok and the man were being chased by a hoard of zombies. The two ran back to the bus, screaming the whole way. Hobi tripped and lost his shoe somewhere on the road, but they made it back to the bus safely. “My shoe is gone!” he whined. “I need my shoe back!” One of the zombies that chased them got onto the bus and began to charge at the members. Everyone screamed and grabbed onto each other, while Y/n and Jungkook sat in the back and roared as they freaked out.

The next thing they knew, they were all off the bus running from zombies as they tried to snatch the papers that would place them into their teams. Once everyone had a paper, they met at the entrance to make their teams.

Team A: Namjoon, Taehyung, Jungkook, and Hayden

Team B: Mason, Jin, Suga, and Maya

Team C: Hobi, Y/n, Cyrus, and Jimin

Jungkook looked over to see if he and Y/n would be placed on the same team. He had little time to pout when the director appeared to give them directions. “Okay,” he began. “The first game takes place in a secret laboratory filled with zombies. Your mission is to search for clues in the lab to uncover hidden tickets for the tour to give to ARMYs. The more you find, the more fans can come to the Seoul show. You each have a map of the lab that will help you find the tickets. Once you find all the of them, you will be able to leave the lab and we will explain the second game. Stay with your teams and work together!” The director disappeared again and the members were left with the cameramen to begin the first game.

They entered the laboratory and split off with their teams. Team A seemed fearless, as they had a decent time finding the passes. Teams B and C were quite the opposite, and it was starting to get on Y/n’s nerves. She had already known that Cyrus was afraid of pretty much everything, but now with Jimin and Hoseok clinging to her limbs every time they heard a strange noise, she knew she would have to be the one to step up and find the tickets. I get stuck with three boys and all of them are pussys.

“Yah! Why are they doing this to us?” Jimin yelped, latching onto her arm when he spotted a zombie.

“Jimin, let go of me.” The undead actor groaned and J-Hope jumped behind her. “Jung Hoseok, are you using me as a shield? Jimin, let go!” They two boys ignored her annoyance and remained still.

Cyrus stepped ahead of their group. “Don’t worry, Y/n. I got this.” He made it to the doorway of the room before he turned around and headed back. “I don’t got this,” he said, his face as white as a ghost.

“Oh, for the love of God. I’ll go.” She shook Jimin off her arm and pushed Cyrus aside to search for the tickets.

“Alright, everyone. Take out the passes you collected and put them in this.” The director came forward with a large envelope and handed it to team A, who collected four tickets. Team B found five. Y/n pinched the bridge of her nose in disappointment. Her team had found nothing. They hadn’t solved a single riddle. The other teams laughed.

“Sorry guys, I was too busy babysitting the three scared stooges. I couldn’t get anything done.”

The three boys looked down in shame before Jimin spoke up. “We can make up for it in the next round!”

“That’s right, Jimin. To find more tickets, you need to play freeze tag with the zombies.” The group listened carefully. “The rules are simple. If a zombie tags you, you must freeze where you are. If a member tags someone whos been frozen, that person can move again. Try to find as many passes as you can because this is your last chance. Go!” With that, the zombies started to swarm them and everyone ran to find the hidden tickets.

Y/n ran for her life, ducking and turning away from the hoard that seemed to follow her. “Why are you all after me?” she screamed. After what seemed like an eternity of running, she finally came across a vending cart with a blinking light stuck to a black box. The moment before she got to the cart, a zombie dashed out from the bushes beside her and grabbed her shoulder. “Oh, come on!”

Jungkook, who had been more focused on unfreezing everyone rather than looking for the boxes, heard her scream and was now scrambling to rescue her. “I’ll save you!” he said after all the zombies fled the area. She was holding out her hand for him to tag her back into the game, but he had a better idea. He ran up to her and picked her up into his arms, carrying her as he ran.

“Wha- Jungkook!” She slapped his arm lightly. He stopped in his tracks, looking at her with his doe eyes. “The tickets?”

“Oh!” He set her down by a small bridge. “Stay here, I’ll get them.” He made a mad dash back to the cart to grab the small box and immediately got tagged, looking back at her sheepishly. “Oops.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. “I’m coming, you big doofus.” Now, who’s the damsel in distress?

“That was insane,” Cyrus said as they boarded the bus back to the dorms.

Y/n turned to him. “But you loved every second of it.”

“I didn’t!” Hobi yelled from the front.

“Oh, we know.” Hoseok turned to her with a pout causing the bus to break out in a fit of laughter. Pulling her phone out of her pocket, Y/n noticed the missed call and text from her mom.

《Momma:》 Hi sweets. Call me when you can.

“Who is it?” Hayden asked from the seat beside her. She glanced up at him and showed him the message. “Your mom? Are they okay?” he asked referring to her parents. Jungkook’s ears perked up to listen in on their conversation.

She clenched her jaw, taking her phone back. “I hope so.”

She smiled, showing Hayden the phone again. He sighed lightly, patting her on the back in reassurance. Immediately, the tension she had when her mother first texted her disappeared. After pulling into the parking garage behind BigHit, Y/n went to find a private place to call her mom, silently praying everything truly was okay.

“Hi, mom. How are you?” Y/n stood on the terrace of the dormitory floor, listening for any signs of distress in her mother's voice.

“Hi, baby. I'm good. I guess I forgot there would be such a dramatic time difference when I called. How is everything? Are they nice?”

Y/n hummed at the soothing nature coming from the other end of the line. “Yeah, it’s good. Everyone's getting along really well. We just wrapped a couple of episodes for Run BTS and we'll start practices for the tour next week.”

“Sounds like fun! Everything's been pretty normal around here. Miss Everleigh's been kinda fussy at bedtime, though.” She giggled at her mom's stern tone.

Everleigh, Y/n's seven-year-old sister, could be heard pouting in the background. She was a very small, yet lively little girl. The only thing she loved more than her life was her big sister, and she intended on showing everyone how alike they were. She took dance and vocal lessons all while learning every song and dance break ever released by The Culture. She was indeed Y/n's number one fan. “Here she is,” her mom said as she passed the phone to the youngest Y/last/n.

“Hellooo?

“Hi, Ev,” Y/n cooed. “Why don’t you be good for mommy and go to sleep now.” The girl began to whine. Getting her to bed was never an easy task, even when Y/n still lived on her childhood home. “What if I sang to you. Would that get you to bed?” Immediately, she ran to her room and jumped into bed, her little feet thudding against the wood floor with every step.

Y/n used to sing her to sleep nearly every night when she was in high school. Everleigh was diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia when she was three and the only thing that would calm her down through difficult nights in the hospital was when her sister would sing her to sleep. Almost five years later and complete remission changed nothing; she refused to sleep without it. When Y/n left for California, she made a few recording of all of Everleigh's favorite songs, but some nights they just didn't cut it. Needless to say, the girl got away with having a bit more of an attitude than Y/n ever could. She'd been through so much.

“Okay, what would you like me to sing? Or should I choose tonight?” Everleigh decided that Y/n could pick the song, so she closed her eyes and waited for her sister to sing.

“May your dreams bring you peace in the darkness. May you always rise over the rain. May the light from above always lead you to love. May you stay in the arms of the angels. May you always be brave in the shadows, till the sun shines upon you again. Hear this prayer in my heart and will ne'er be apart. May you stay in the arms of the angels.”

If you asked Jungkook the exact moment he truly started to fall for Y/n, he would answer with this. He had snuck up to the door when he heard a voice coming from the balcony outside his room. It caught his breath in his lungs, how beautiful she sounded. He realized this was the first time he had heard her sing. No recordings, no autotune, no screaming fans in the way. He was really hearing her voice; raw and real. It was something he knew he wouldn't forget. It was delicate and light, while still powerful and full of control. The perfect depiction of her. This very sound was coming from more than just her throat, but from her soul. The way she sang to calm the little girl on the phone spoke more words about her as a person than any story could.

“May you hear every song in the forest and if ever you lose your own way; hear my voice like a breeze whisper soft through the trees. May you stay in the arms of the angels. May you grow up to stand as a man, love. With the pride of your family and name. When you lay down your head for to rest in your bed, may you stay in the arms of the angels.”

Maybe the angel is you.

“I always thought it was magic, the way you get her to quiet down,” her mom said as she took the phone out of Everleigh's hands.

“Eh, she was probably just more tired than she was letting on.” Her mother laughed before telling Y/n she’d let her go.

“Okay, Mom. I’ll talk to you later. I love you, too. Bye.” Thankfully, her mother did just want to see how she was doing. Typically when she received a text like that from her, it meant there was some big news she needed to break to her, and it was usually bad. She slid her phone into her pocket and turned to see Jungkook staring at her. “Were you watching me?” She asked, squinting her eyes at him teasingly. He smiled, rocking back and forth on his feet. “So, are you gonna come out here or are you just gonna keep standing there like a lost puppy?”

He stepped out on the terrace with his hands in his pockets and a smirk on his lips. “Depends. Do you think the puppy is cute?”

She could tell he was trying to make her blush. Oh, ok. So you're not so shy anymore. She lifted an eyebrow and tilted her head. “I think all puppies are cute.” Jungkook poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue as he looked her up and down. Now, she felt like blushing. Before he could catch the deep red sweep across her face, she sat down and leaned against the railing. “Come sit,” she said, patting the concrete next to her. He walked over, kneeling down to sit beside her. “What's your favorite thing about touring?” She asked him.

He looked up at her. “What, are we playing the question game?”

“It's called 20 questions, dummy. Now answer it.”

He laughed at her attempt to insult him. “Alright. I think it's the connection you make with each city. I love traveling.” She hummed in approval. “Do I get to ask you a question now?”

“I guess so. Shoot.”

“How did you meet your members?”

“Oof, that's a long story. We all met in high school. Maya and I were in freshman math together and we used to study together. Mason was a dancer in the studio Hayden and I practiced at. Cyrus was-” she placed her hand over her mouth as she began to giggle. “He was our school's biggest fuckboy. I swear to god, he hit on everyone he got in his sight.” At this point, he could see the tears forming in her eyes. “He thought he was so cool, but he couldn't keep up in his classes, so I started to tutor him. Oh my god, you should've seen him today. He was so scared.” She clutched her stomach and he started to laugh with her. After they calmed down, she changed the topic. “K. My turn. How do you feel about musicals?” He craned his neck toward her in confusion. “It’s the most random questions that get the best answers,” she told him.

“You mean like theater?” She nodded. “I don’t know. I mean, I’ve never really watched anything.”

“I love musicals. I think The Phantom of the Opera is the greatest story ever told.”

“Isn’t that a little dark?”

She chuckled. “That’s what makes it so good. I love beautiful tragedies. Titanic, Star Wars, you name it. Okay, favorite color. Go.”

“Black.”

“Ahh, so I'm still winning the gold game?” she asked with a smirk.

“Okay, missy, you went twice.” he scoffed as he rolled his eyes. Time to get to the deep stuff. “What was your first kiss like?”

She snorted at his question. “Getting kinda personal, aren't we?”

“Shut up,” he said pushing her lightly. “You said it’s the most random questions that get the best answers. Besides, I wanna know.”

Snickering at his persistence, she nodded. “It was alright. Wasn't the greatest thing ever, but it wasn't bad. I mean, he was my first boyfriend.”

“Something happened. You wouldn't say it like that unless something happened.”

“Wha-no! It was fine.”

“What was his name?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

“Luke.”

“So, what happened to him?”

She paused, clicking her tongue a few times before answering. “We graduated from high school and I got famous.”

He nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. He didn't want to press into her about it; it was obviously a sore subject, but he wanted to know more. Why was she acting like this? What happened between them that caused her to cut this guy out of her life. “You seem like the kind of person who would work through anything with the people you love.”

“Yeah,” she whispered. “But there are some lines that can't be crossed.”

God, he hoped she'd be okay with what he asked next. “Did he do something wrong?”

She smiled a sad smile, staring straight ahead. “The distance got to be too much for him. I was gone for months at a time. He got lonely.” Jungkook's stomach dropped as he listened to her. He knew where this was going. “I'm guessing you already know the answer.”

He could feel the burning ache that flared in his heart. How could someone do that? To anyone, let alone her. It was disgusting; pathetic. He would never do that to the person he claimed to love.

“I think if I wasn't raised the way I was that I could've forgiven him and let it go, but that's not how it worked out. My family has a history with infidelity and I have no tolerance for it.”

“Hayden mentioned your parents earlier…”

“Yeah. They're alright now, but my dad has made a lot of mistakes. In return, I grew up too fast so my mom could have someone to lean on and so I could shelter my siblings. Despite everything, we’re all very close. It took a really long time, but I learned to work through my anger and forgive him. And hey, now I know what I do and don't want in a husband.” She sighed. “My mother is the strongest person I know.”

Jungkook watched every change in expression; focused on the way she was feeling while she talked. The topic broke his heart, but it made him so happy that she felt comfortable around him; talking with him about these things. “I think I might know someone stronger,” he smiled, tilting his head to look at her face. She hummed and looked up at him, gazing into his warm, brown eyes that she had come to adore. For a while they just sat there, staring at each other on the terrace with no fears or responsibilities. It felt like home to him, and he prayed to anything that could hear him that she might feel that way too. He reached out, taking her hand in his so he could intertwine their fingers. And she let him.

This went on for hours. The not-so-subtle glances at one another. The game of 20 questions that turned into 30, then 40, then 50. When Y/n returned to her dorm for the night, she had a few questions for herself. Like why did she hold his hand, and why was it so easy to let him in? Maybe Maya had been right; this could be good for her because, for the first time in a long time, she got a good night's sleep.

a.n. // This was probably one of my favorite chapters so far. I think it’s so cute. Shout out to my bff @kalisica for always giving me good ideas to write about. I love you. Again, don’t look at the time on the text message. It doesn’t correspond with the story. Enjoy, and don’t forget to tell me what you think! -Kay💕

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