#(I wrote this too long ago so I don't remember any of the actors I wrote about WHOOPS)

[lemonhemlock]

https://www.tumblr.com/lemonhemlock/763163615828361216/adding-to-your-nuanced-discussion-regarding-sara much of the hatred towards sara hess is gross and openly misogynistic. unfortunately, it also muddies the waters for making valid critiques of her writing overall. i’m only familiar with her work on HOTD, and while i think she does basic level serviceable work (ie- mostly the plot makes sense) i find a lot of it extremely lazy. take both HOTD finales for example; we have two scenes of domestic violence (daemyra and helaena/aemond) being used to communicate the pretty elementary idea that these men are bad, wrong, and power hungry for anticipating war in a struggle for succession. now with both characters, you can argue it makes sense; daemon has been orbiting the throne all season, he sees the greens as the threat they are and, understands war is inevitable. he’s frustrated with rhaenyra’s lack of response and lashes out after finding out viserys didn’t trust him enough to communicate aegon’s dream. meanwhile, aemond has just discovered he is at a great disadvantage in this dragon cold war, has already committed severe violence to become regent in the first place, and is also lashing out because he is insecure in his position and fearful of what might happen.

the problem is instead of exploring these (very sensible) feelings for the characters or developing them through actual scenes and dialogue, we have this shorthand where Men = Violent, because they couldn’t possibly explore these emotions for these characters in another way. i can’t remember if it was olivia or phia who spoke about the aemond/alicent/helaena scene as helaena refusing to feed aemond’s violent male ego… girl you are literally at war! idk if this is about his male ego so much as he doesn’t want to fucking die 😭 not to point the finger at the actors, i am just assuming that idea came from somewhere, and it seems most likely to be the writer or director. and daemon isn’t in the wrong for expecting battle- yet instead of having that be a real conflict between him and rhaenyra, we have this moment of abuse that is quickly brushed aside and moved past. it exists only to show us how aggressive daemon is in the simplest, laziest way possible, and then it’s disposed of when it’s no longer needed. you can say the same for “civilians don’t matter”— it’s just lazy writing! they don’t have to, in that the story can function without an in depth look at the smallfolk’s relationship to dragons and the targ dynasty overall, and why bother to do any of that when you can just decide that for this one scene, none of them matter!

this is very long 😮‍💨 i’m sorry for the essay! i find this topic hard to discuss because too often people come in to just call her a cunt because she wrote a medieval man who didn’t articulate feminism perfectly. there are real issues here!! and it’s not all on her, condal obviously approves everything and they are on the same page here. anyway. thanks for reading as always!

Coming back to this ask after some time, sorry for the delay!

I agree very much with your assessment of her doing serviceable, but ultimately lazy writing. Perhaps that under a more competent showrunner, she could have written something decent. But one of her problems is that she is only superficially familiar with the source material - I'm saying this because she gave an evasive answer when asked if she read the books ("a long time ago"). This matters because she clearly doesn't understand the politics of the universe she is writing for (the scheming is nonsensical in HOTD) or the themes (dragging back the "civilians don't matter", but it's very revelatory to how she approaches the scripts). How can you write ASOIAF media, a series that relies heavily on politicking and dismantling tropes, without a grasp on those two things? D&D misunderstanding the themes of the series is famously one of the reasons for its lackluster show ending.

And that's just not going to rectify itself on its own. If she lacks the initiative to analyse the text properly, then someone should direct her as to what exactly to write. I'm sorry, but that's you can't just have it both ways - not do the work and then shrug your shoulders when you end up creating a divergent version that doesn't fit in the plot you're bound to follow.

take both HOTD finales for example; we have two scenes of domestic violence (daemyra and helaena/aemond) being used to communicate the pretty elementary idea that these men are bad, wrong, and power hungry for anticipating war in a struggle for succession. [...] the problem is instead of exploring these (very sensible) feelings for the characters or developing them through actual scenes and dialogue, we have this shorthand where Men = Violent, because they couldn’t possibly explore these emotions for these characters in another way.

Exactly, and the reason it ends up working for Daemon is because he previously got a ton of screen time and we got to know his personality, whereas Aemond gets little next to nothing in Season 2, in addition to his in-built disadvantage of being much younger and, thus, getting introduced later on. Well, surprise surprise, what worked for Daemon will not work for Aemond in that situation, because if you don't invest in Aemond's characterisation, the parallel will fall flat. Aemond and Daemon had very different upbringings and it's very silly to think that what applies to Daemon will automatically apply to Aemond and, therefore, you don't need to bother to dissect Aemond on screen in any meaningful way.

That's just concentrating on the logistics & not even critiquing the very lazy stereotype of men = violent & women = peacemakers.

i can’t remember if it was olivia or phia who spoke about the aemond/alicent/helaena scene as helaena refusing to feed aemond’s violent male ego… girl you are literally at war! idk if this is about his male ego so much as he doesn’t want to fucking die 😭

This. ^^^ I often find that the writers were trying to make some kind of point that, in other circumstances, could have been relevant, but they have a knack for picking the worst situations as illustrative examples. And, after that, they're surprised their simile felt mismatched.

Aemond having a violent male ego and being critiqued for it within the text is absolutely fine, but is it reasonable to do it when he's trying to ensure his family are not getting killed? And have Helaena be that agent of critique, when she herself has just been subjected to horrific loss and trauma at Daemon's hands?

Conveying that the smallfolk live miserable lives that often lead them to forsake their morals and commit horrific acts in desperation (such as becoming assassins for hire) is another valid point to make. But is it really appropriate to beg for clemency from the audience via a widowed dog (the lowest form of sympathy begging, if you ask me) when we are talking about a cruel child-murderer at the end of the day?

In the same vein, high-borns having more resources at their disposal to recover after trauma is very true. But is it appropriate for that comment to come out of the mouth of a mother who only just recently lost her son to horrific violence? Especially after having her grieve so halfheartedly, it's giving less intersectionality and more her not actually giving much of a shit instead. No one in their right minds would go to a rich lady mourning her dead child and start lecturing her on the privilege of grief. Helaena is just not the appropriate vehicle in that moment for that kind of commentary.

Neither are the smallfolk of King's Landing in a position to mourn the dragon Meleys mere days after it butchered so many of their fellow townies. So many times I can sense this disconnect between what a believe, humane response would look like and half-baked attempts at social commentary.

and daemon isn’t in the wrong for expecting battle- yet instead of having that be a real conflict between him and rhaenyra, we have this moment of abuse that is quickly brushed aside and moved past. it exists only to show us how aggressive daemon is in the simplest, laziest way possible, and then it’s disposed of when it’s no longer needed.

Yes, in some ways, Daemon is the writers' opportunity to eat their cake and have it, too. They make a lot of noise about how much of a problematic bad boy he is, but, when it comes down to it, nothing he does has any kind of real consequence. The only consequence he ever faced was Viserys banishing him and that was way back before any kind of time jump (and it got overturned in the end, anyway).* Alys doesn't do anything to him except hold his hand and gently nudge him in the "right" direction. Rhaenyra takes him back with nary a snide comment.

Even back in season 1, he can kill Rhea Royce with no fallout: the Royces don't do anything and Lady Jeyne is still Rhaenyra's lackey with no explanation given. He can spread the rumour of killing Laenor with the intent of sowing fear and decapitate Vaemond in front of the greens. Yet the greens are not worried about him and scrambling to prevent Rhaenyra from seizing the throne. Oh no. Crowning Aegon is just misunderstanding Viserys' dying words. 🤦‍♀️ Daemon can even kill Jaehaerys and still Helaena decides to help him instead of her own brother.

*honestly, that's one of the reasons I think the first 5 episodes of season 1 are the show's strongest. It's like back then you did stuff and it had consequences. Incredible achievement.

you can say the same for “civilians don’t matter”— it’s just lazy writing! they don’t have to, in that the story can function without an in depth look at the smallfolk’s relationship to dragons and the targ dynasty overall, and why bother to do any of that when you can just decide that for this one scene, none of them matter!

You know, I would actually like to take this opportunity to point out that I get this conundrum as a showrunner. You don't really want to make a story about smallfolk suffering, because it would be a massive downer and it would not sell as much or be as popular. Not many people are interested in Les Miserables but with dragons and that's understandable! But there is a way to simultaneously not delve into the intricacies of oppression in your escapist nobility fantasy, but not be downright insulting about it.

They don't need a ton of screen time to set up the basic theme of "it's always the innocents who suffer when you high lords play your game of thrones". They just don't and I'm tired of pretending otherwise. They can very well illustrate the point of smallfolk suffering without resorting to insane suspension of disbelief like King's Landing starving after two weeks of blockade. And, if they can't, then they shouldn't be in the writers' room for productions that have the audacity to submit episodes to prestigious award shows.

[nxposure]

On my last blog, I wrote about my eating disorder at great length. I think it's time to do it again. If you don't like long text posts, feel free to skip this, but don't skim read it and reply because that's not nice.

TW if you need it, eating disorders, self harm, body dysmorphia.

----

People seem to think that eating disorders don't really apply to men. I spent my entire childhood listening to just about everyone passing judgement on other people's weight. As a boy, my apparent role models were all athletes, thin or muscular actors, skinny popstars and guys in music, and any husky person was either funny or tragic.

As I got older, I noticed these attitudes getting worse. Muscular men between acting jobs would stop cutting and starving their bodies, but would still look like peak physical condition but would be referred to as having a 'dad bod'.

Older still, I'd see people waggling their little fingers making jokes about small dicks, or laughing about people who cum to quick. People were too tall or not tall enough. Then they'd be too skinny if they were too fat. Then, laughs about baldness or their bodies being too hairy. It went on and on.

It melted my brain. I wanted to be whatever this idea shape was and deep down, I knew it wasn't possible, and I developed an immovable self loathing that I suspect I'll carry with me through my whole life.

I'd hear women getting similar criticisms, and the criticisms came equally from women and men, gay and straight, and of all races and creeds, and I think somewhere in my thoughts, I gave up trying to find a peaceful way of navigating this and began to purge every time I ate. I was playing a lot of team sports and would vomit before every game. I'd then go home, eat, and repeat. I became dangerously thin and people would tell me my body looked great.

I would pass out a lot through exhaustion and my eyes became dark. At some point I collapsed and hit my face on a shelf, then a radiator, and pretended to everyone that I'd just been in a fight.

After a short time thinking I'd fixed myself after scaring myself when I'd collapsed, it started again. I switched out bulimia for anorexia. I was now not eating at all. I remember hitting my hand with a spoon over and over when someone brought me some food to work, anxiety in overdrive as I hoped they wouldn't notice me not touching any of the food they gave me. That happened a lot and the back my hand was frequently purple with bruises.

I've kept a photo of a more recent period so I have something to check, in case I've dropped too much weight. This was me not that long ago, irresponsibly thin and I'd made myself very poorly. The skirt is cute though.

It was around this time that I'd collapsed again, this time in public. I was rushed to hospital with malnutrition and it was in the middle of lockdown so hospitals were swamped and everything was weird.

I was given a COVID test and while the nurses went to do my test, I sneaked out of the hospital because I didn't want them to tell me anything about how thin I was, even though they'd already clocked me. I walked home and collapsed three more times in the street, and twice more at home. I managed to get myself back to hospital eventually and spent the night under observation and was fed sugary gels and put on a drip to try and replace some of what my body had been missing for months.

I again discharged myself and ran away from the problem.

I was disgusted with myself. I was being irresponsible. I thought I looked enormous. I then made myself more depressed because I shouldn't talk about people's bodies like that. I loved people of all shapes and sizes and here I was, judging someone for being fat. I didn't eat or drink a single thing for two weeks after being in hospital. I was going mad. It was time to tell my friends what was going on, and it turned out a number of them had already worked it out.

One of the things I needed to fix was some of the people I sought advice from. I'd found people in secret who also had eating disorders and people who self harmed. It sounded like we were helping each other from the outside in, but the reality was that we were all enabling each other. Some call it trauma bonding. I call it unwell people egging each other on and even being competitive about it.

One girl said to me that my eating disorder wasn't as bad as hers. She gave me tips on how to act like I was getting better to other people. Saying you're trying is as good as actually trying, she added. It's all part of the performance.

I didn't want to be ill. I just wanted to not feel violently sick when I thought about my own body existing. I wanted to not be perceived at all, and to be left in darkened rooms, wasting away. While I spent all those nights, just lying there, I realised that this illness wasn't like other illnesses. Cancer wants to devour you. Broken bones want to heal. This eating disorder wanted me to stay alive but maximise the suffering in a prolonged bout of self harm. Me being dead was no use to my dysmorphia. I did just enough to stay alive, so I could maximise the suffering. It was like an endurance sport with no medal.

At some point, my name was put forward to appear on a news programme on national television. One of my supposed support network worked in TV and was asked if they knew anyone who had what had been rebranded as 'manorexia'. It's funny - even when showing concern, people still do stupid things like giving an illness that applies to anyone a ridiculous name. We don't call it blokeaemia do we?

After speaking to the genuinely respected and very nice journalist who I'd seen on television a lot, she was heavy handed in her questions. Things like "is it just vanity then?" is one that sticks in my memory. After 3 days of back and forth, the news story was dropped because a panda had given birth in a zoo somewhere. My sense of the absurd and gallows humour kicked in, mercifully. Men's eating disorders, relegated beneath a captive animal having a baby.

Another friend who was genuinely being well-meaning told me how brave I was, "going around telling everyone you have a woman's disease". I wasn't angry because I knew what they meant, but to someone more fragile, it could have gone horribly wrong. Another friend simply said "I don't want to ever talk about this - it's too upsetting."

I became aware of famous men talking about their eating disorders. A politician called John Prescott spoke of his and everyone laughed at it and made jokes on panel shows, based entirely on the fact that he wasn't thin enough. Everyone laughed at Hugh Jackman on talkshows when he spoke of the starvation and duress he put his body under to look a certain way for movies. Thin women were pointed at when they put an ounce of weight on. I heard women sniggering about other women saying "what does she look like in that dress?"

More recently, people would berate the 45th president of the United States for being "fat", rather than going after more pertinent things like his whole personality and terrible views. Fat, in this instance, was the ultimate sin, not being pro-fascist. I noticed how many larger men were clowning around at their own expense, and women would coo about them online. People like Jack Black - talented, good looking, charismatic - would be met with "I don't care that he's fat".

So where am I now? Mentally, the damage is done and I don't think I'll ever lose the will to harm myself. However, since my last collapse, I swore I'd never go there again. I rigidly eat three times a day. I've actively learned to enjoy the cooking process. It's been incredibly difficult, perhaps in part because I stubbornly refuse any professional help. I looked around for a psychiatrist who would help at one point, but every single one told me that they weren't taking men on.

Way back when, I started sharing photos of my body on Tumblr in a state of undress because I wanted to normalise how I looked. If I sandwiched myself between everyone else's nudes which I thought were beautiful, then I gave myself a chance to think the same of my own. It certainly helped. There's something about the kind of people this site attracts that celebrates a variety of people and I can be flooded with dopamine when my photos get complimented. They're compliments from people that sometimes get it, and that matters. Some people just think I'm being thirsty, and sometimes, they're absolutely correct.

My stomach has grown. There's fat bits on my back which I've never seen before. My neck got chunky where my jawline used to be razor sharp. At long last, I'm learning to love this. I love the softness of people's bodies, and it's taken me decades to realise that I'm just people too. I wear soft clothes that feel nice against my skin. I've collaborated on photos with wonderful people. While my dysmorphia is so bad that I doubt I'll ever find it easy to sexually pleasure myself, I've been shocked to find that people on here have actually had me feeling like a viable and sexy person! It's a completely new feeling to me and I'm trying to get better at taking compliments instead of pushing them away.

I've written about this before and at some length, but I feel it's important to do it again so it doesn't get lost. It might help someone. It might help people understand me better. It might help someone understand what their friend is going through. It might just be enough to offer an interesting perspective and nothing more.

I'm doing better than I've done in memory and it's weird and makes me feel vulnerable. I don't want to get complacent and writing this reminds me of how far I've come and not to let this terrible illness sneak up on me again. I've been through some horrendous emotional stress recently, and that's exactly the kind of time where a thing like this can reintroduce itself into my brain.

I'm doing okay though, genuinely. I can only write about these things when I'm in a good place. I hope you are too. If anyone ever needs to speak to me about anything like this, I can't promise I can fix you, but I can definitely empathise and I will root for you.

(please forgive any typos or garbled language in this - I wrote it in one take, off the cuff, without editing)

[denimbex1986]

Andrew: "It's where Jessica and I first met each other 10 short years ago - and a love story was born. Did we have a read through? I don't think so; I don't think we did. Do you remember meeting me for the first time? And if not, why not?"

Jessica: "I feel like it might have been that scene where we were all in Wales together - one of many - it was - "

Andrew: "The Welsh scene."

Jessica: "The Welsh scene; that one, yeah. Oh no, I should've thought more. When did we first meet?"

Andrew: "I don't - I don't actually remember meeting you for the first time. I remember hearing that you were - had an amazing audition."

Jessica: "...I only first got two scenes, I think."

Andrew: "Oh, really?"

Jessica: "...in the audition, Stephen, who wrote it, Stephen Beresford - amazing - and Matthew Warchus, they said: "You know, the thing about Sian is that, you know, she's a real woman." They were like: "She's real; like, she exists.""

Andrew: "...isn't she just?"

Jessica: "Isn't she just real?...when I read, and then I got sent the whole thing, and just - obviously just fell in love with it."

Andrew: "We had an amazing time."

Jessica: "Oh, we really did."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "I can't believe it's been 10 years; it was so nice - lovely."

Andrew: "And really unusual for - for, for a um, a film to have so many characters in the same scene; we were just so chatty the whole time - that's what I really remember. Just loads of actors there the whole time. There wasn't a lot of money because I suppose there was so many actors to, to be paid, you know? There was no - there was no sense of, you know, people going back to their trailers or anything like that - it was very, um; that's what my long-lasting memory of it is; it's just that everybody was talking all the time and the AD's had to go: "Shut the fuck up.""

Jessica: "And also if you think about the cast, it was quite starry in terms of like, you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "Bill Nighy, Imelda Staunton and - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "Dominic West and Paddy Co - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "But it never felt like any kind of stars were in it - "

Andrew: "No."

Jessica: "Nobody was like: "I'm going back..."... "

Andrew: "No."

Jessica: "Nobody felt like they were separate..."

Andrew: "It would have been a bit weird, and particularly because of the subject matter, if everybody was like - "

Jessica: "Yeah - "Leave me alone.""

Andrew: ""Where's my astrologist?""

Jessica: "Loads of people still come up to talk to me about Pride and how much - "

Andrew: "Me too."

Jessica: " - they loved it..."

Andrew: "But I think for a film like that - you know the way we watch movies; you don't have to watch a movie in a movie theatre, and I think for a film where people feel like they're in danger still - in countries where it's still um, uh, illegal to be gay, um, it - it's like a little gift, you know? And I think what's so wonderful about it is that it's a film that isn't about - it's about gay people, but it's not about their sexuality; it's about their humanity, and it's about what they did, and I think so many films can be kind of reductive or just talk incessantly about, uh, gay people's sexuality. And of course there's a place for that, but it was lovely because it's about these people who - it's about solidarity, and it's so incredibly moving. I don't know anybody who doesn't, uh, have a little cry at the end.

And I loved the character that, uh, of Gethin because um, I'd just finished, I - at that stage I was doing Sh - a lot that was very Sherlock heavy at the time, and I was really interested in playing a kind of character that was a bit more humane, and Gethin's a very shy character; he doesn't speak a lot but has a huge amount of pain and he - he's somebody who's estranged from his family, and I just was very, very, very hungry to play that kind of part. So, I was enormously, um, invested in it right, right from, from the beginning.

And I kind of knew that it was gonna be special, but I don't think anything prepares you for the - the music in it is so, um, important. And of course you don't have that when you're, when you're reading a script but that - I just think all those - I, I just think magic happened. I think, I think um, magic absolutely - absolutely happened, yeah."

Jessica: I think it's maybe Andy in the American Office says something...he says: "I wish that they told you when you were in the good old days.""

Andrew: "Oh yeah."

Jessica: "...that's so nice, and I think that's one of those jobs when you go - I think we knew though, a bit."

Andrew: "Yeah, I think - I think we sort of did. Yeah, and then we had all that sort of - we went to the Toronto Film Festival, had a couple of drinks there Jess."

Jessica: "It was great fun."

Andrew: "We did."

Jessica: "But Stephen's an amazing storyteller...the research that went into the film...he met Sian, the character I play - "

Andrew: "Yes."

Jessica: "...when I got the job, he'd said: "I'll put you in touch with Sian"...and when you book these conference calls, you have to put a limit on the time thing, so they put three hours...we got up to - and they cut us off because we got to a three hour thing - "

Andrew: "Oh, wow."

Jessica: " - because she just had so many fascinating stories; she's such an interesting person."

Andrew: "Yeah - amazing person..."

Jessica: "She came out to Toronto with us - "

Andrew: "She did, yeah. Yeah."

Jessica: "...and loads of them that are in - I don't know if people know but in that scene where we're marching - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - there's loads of original LGSM members playing supporting artists behind us in that, and they're all there as well."

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. They're all in the background; they're all, they - they flag, the banners."

Jessica: "Actually I think the real Jonathan is next to Dominic, I think - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...so nice."

Andrew: "You know we live in a kind of identity culture where everybody's like: "I'm this and I'm that, and you're that and we're this", and everybody's, you know, talking about how, you know, we all sort of separate each other in a, in, in a way - I think there's something a bit insidious about that in our culture at the moment. And, of course it starts out with these two communities that absolutely culturally are so dissimilar from each other, and then you realise that, that, that they - that they have an awful lot in common, and that they kind of need each other, and um, and that beautiful thing that Stephen always said is that prejudice doesn't survive proximity.

Meaning that you can have a prejudice about somebody, but if you're approximate to somebody - if you're near somebody - that you, you go: "Well that person is just annoying. It's not because of their sexuality." You know what I mean? It's, it's - you go - you can see...And he makes jokes that are so - I think it's the gags - "

Jessica: "Yeah."

Andrew: " - I think that's the reason - "

Jessica: "But I also think it's the lack of sentimentality - "

Andrew: "Yes."

Jessica: " - I think in the wrong hands, that story could've been told in a way - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - that you just: 'Oh.' You know, they bring out the -

Andrew: "Yeah. Yeah."

Jessica: "...and he was so great, and Matthew as well, the director - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - was so cutting in those moments. The perfect example is when they sing "Bread and Roses" - it's cut by the husbands storming in - "

Andrew: "Yeah, the violence."

Jessica: "...it's like it's not allowed to be too much, so when - those moments are earned, like when the coaches arrive that is an earned moment - "

Andrew: "Yeah. Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - that you allow the sentimentality of it. I think Stephen would be a great director, actually...there's a bit where I walk past my two kids...and they're plaiting Freddie Fox's hair. And I go: "Leave him alone, he's not a girl's world", and I've got these two pints and I'm brining them to the group. I think one of the first takes I did I was like: "Leave him alone...", you know, really scruffing their - and he's like: "You're a mum, you see them all the time; like you just - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. Don't be nice to them."

Jessica: "Yeah, don't be nice to them."

Andrew: "Yeah. But I think that's Stephen's great, great, um, uh, gift as a writer is that he's so full of heart, but he portrays heart in a way that, um, that, that; that's so realistic in the sense that it's not all necessarily all huggy huggy - people can be *rolls eyes*, you know, eye-rolling about the people that they love."

Jessica: "So many young people come up and say it helped them come out to their parents...they would watch it with them and then feel able to say "I'm that as well", you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...there are so many countries in the world that aren't able to have pride events because obviously it's still illegal there. So there's like one step forward, ten steps back, but also the fight of LGSM, and the miners, that they had in the 80's - it was a different kind of Pride then. And because of them, it's now allowed to be much more of a celebration and less about the activism, although I'm sure it's hugely - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - political even now."

Andrew: "As they say, the war's never over, but yeah, I think that's so true. And like, what was so disgusting, looking at the, the media at the time - the way, um, gay people were spoken about in the media was shocking. I mean, that's what I always say, that, you know, of course parents would be suspicious or upset if their parents - if their children - came out to them because what they were being fed by the media was that, that people were; they were going to be diseased, and they were going to be the way AIDS was spoken about - "

Jessica: "Those adverts were allowed on television."

Andrew: "Right, yeah."

Jessica: "It's just absolutely baffling."

Andrew: "Absolutely disgusting - and the, the horrible way that gay people were spoken about. But of course it breeds suspicion and it just shows; I don't know, it just, it shows if, if our media is, is allowed to, um, do that, then, um, you know, it has terrible consequences."

Jessica: "...I think I remember the DVD of Pride in certain countries didn't mention LGSM, so it said it's a group of miners...they were like: 'We don't talk about the gay bits.'..."

Andrew: "Do you know, it's so strange - you know, actually with All of Us Strangers, it was really str - wonderful this, this, this year because they used to do that kind of thing in - with things that had sort of gay content, and they would sort of pretend that they were two roommates; like they try to get away with it or they wouldn't mention it. I think like they sort of trick someone to go buy a ticket at the cinema, and it's like: 'Oh Jesus - well, you bought the ticket now, you can't leave.' But what was so wonderful, you know, seeing, doing All of Us Strangers this year was that they absolutely sold the romance, and that was, that was a wonderful, you know, ten years on from have, having done another kind of - kind of landmark gay film, it was really nice to see how that changed; that pe - that people go: "Well, this is what we're gonna do." There's an audience there, people aren't as scared to maybe go to the cinema, which; a lot of the reasons, you know, uh, people, don't watch - "

Jessica: "...it'd be interesting to see how long it took them to kind of sell it...I'm sure they had a few struggles distributing it and maybe like with the DVD cover having to be amended, maybe that's why - such a shame."

Andrew: "I think that's true; I think, I, I think it's kind of developed this huge, um, affection for it and this huge kind of cult status for want of a better word. Um, but I think initially, you know, box office wise it wasn't - it didn't match the affection and the - that, that people had for it. It won like some awards but I, you know, some people still don't know about the movie. And um, you know, I just think to watch the movie is to love the movie and um, and, uh yeah, yeah - I really think that. And not just because Jessica's so brilliant in it; there are other people in it. And what was your favourite - um, and what, um, uh, scene to film?"

Jessica: "...I actually really loved our scene in the hospital, and then going outside with Dom. I think that was just -"

Andrew: "Oh yeah, gorgeous."

Jessica: " - when he says: "You - don't go waste it", you know - "

Andrew: ""Don't waste it", yeah."

Jessica: "And I used to love that because people would always ask Sian: "Did that conversation really happen? Did they say: "You could be more than this?"...and she'd go: "It didn't happen - it happened more than once."..."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " She's so dramatic..."

Andrew: "Yeah - dramatico."

Jessica: "They were always like: "Find your potential", you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "What about yours? Do you remember..."

Andrew: "Well, there was a scene that I - when I have to go back to see my parents, so my character is estranged from his parents - I had to go back and I had; I knew I had this big pressure because I had to say the words "Hello, mum" and um, uh, he hasn't seen his mum in fifteen years, and I knew that I, I; it was a - quite a private, uh, ambition, to be able to, to go: 'I know that I can't just be 'Hello, mum',' and I had to, to just get that right. And again we, it was quite unusual to shoot that scene because it was just me on my own and usually there was millions of us around. I was like: 'Oh God, this is my bit. I have to - I have to make this right.'

And um, and I knew - Matthew's such a good director, and I think I did maybe one, only did one or two, again, one or two takes and he was like: "Don't worry, it's okay - we have that. We have that." With Matthew, you just know - he's not like a big gusher, but he; you can tell when you've affected him a little bit and, and I was really glad to be able to honour that feeling that you - that a lot of gay people have which is to - front it, but actually have a little wobble in your voice as well. Yeah, people - people feel that I think.

So yeah, everybody knows the absolute genius of Jess Gunning now; everybody knows it. It's so exciting because - I mean a lot of people know already because she's been a sort of a stalwart of our stage and screen for so many years, but like now everybody knows how amazing and brilliant and beautiful she is. So it's so exciting, and the fact that we get to, um, experience that together is just so magical, isn't it?"

Jessica: "...I love playing like a game of 'Little did we know' - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah..."

Jessica: "...even on the set of Pride, say - little did we know that it would; that we'd still be talking about it ten years on - "

Andrew: "Yeah, I know."

Jessica: " - we would be friends, I would know both your sisters as well as I do - "

Andrew: "I know, I know."

Jessica: " - like - it's actually just so lovely. I just love it."

Andrew: "...there's a big group - a big group of friends; Stephen and everyone."

Jessica: "Yeah, everyone is just so - and it's bonded us all together. Little did we know."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...With Baby Reindeer, we were lucky to get all seven scripts given to us for the audition process, which is quite rare in television, because so often you get sent like one or two - "

Andrew: "Absolutely, yeah..."

Jessica: "...it was like: 'Oh, this is just amazing.'"

Andrew: "I remember you, I remember you, uh, during the audition process, it was - you did a few auditions, am I right?"

Jessica: "Like about five, yeah."

Andrew: "I remember; I was trying to be diplomatic there, yeah. And you just had a real feeling - I remember you had a real feeling that you were like: 'I - I understand this.'"

Jessica: "...I remember talking to you and our friend Ben, and I was literally like: "I know how to do this." And funnily enough, thinking of 'Pride', Nadia Stacey, who was hair and make-up designer on Pride - one of the notes we got from the audition process was that I wasn't looking like I was 42 enough - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "So I rang Nadia, and I was like: "If you were designing this, how would you do it?" And she was like: "Why don't I just do it? Why don't I put a wig on you -

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah..."

Jessica: " - and you tape yourself and send that through?" It's funny because when Richard tells the story, he says: "Do you remember when you got that wig from that joke shop?" and I'm like: - "No, it was like a - ""

Andrew: "From an Oscar winning make-up artist!"

Jessica: "...I've never done that before really. I know obviously for you with Ripley, you probably didn't - did you audition for Ripley? You probably didn't need to."

Andrew: "No, it came - it came out of, out of the blue and I was like: "What the -?" And like you, I got the whole, I got the whole eight episodes in one, and I read them on a transatlantic flight. I was like: 'This is really, really extraordinary - extraordinary writing.'"

Jessica: "And in paper copy as well?"

Andrew: "Uh, I got, got, got paper copies of - I have to - "

Jessica: "Did you not have them on an iPad?..."

Andrew: "I think it was - maybe I was slightly re - reimagining that. Like that's, that's kind of - just eight scripts; "Hello, I'm checking in please." Yeah, I probably read it on an iPad; but I made my notes. But I love - I have to say I like a hard copy of a script; I don't know why."

Jessica: "...I really do."

Andrew: "Do you?"

Jessica: "I think it's being in the the theatre - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - we like to have it there, because it feels real then."

Andrew: "Do you know the radio - you know radio, you know when you do a radio play - do you know a little trip, a little, a little, uh, uh, tip for when you - they're obsessed when you do radio, for people who don't know; you, you read it, but if you don't want to hear any paper noise, you scrunch up the page and then you open it up again and it does - it's kind of rigid so the, so it's only the voice that one se - that one hears. Never the paper."

Jessica: "...Actually, not to be too cheesy but Andrew played a massive part in terms of how I approached going into the part, because I remember we had a chat and you - I'd got the part; I'd got the job, and you were like: "Go for it now." It's making me emotional...I'd fought for it; sometimes when you fight for it and you get it, you think: 'Oh no, now I've gotta do it' and it makes you scared - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - enough to properly delve in."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "But actually, after you gave me that chat, I really did properly kind of go: 'I've gotta..." - you know, that final voicemail she leaves, I always just connected with her straight away after reading that..."

Andrew: "My God, I've said that to you - I just find that just extraordinary; how moving that was just from your voice, just like - and actually, I think I found it kind of so moving because it was obviously the character, but I could feel your own input into that, you know - your own passion and that. Can I ask you like - I suppose because you're so different to the character, and I suppose I have it a little bit with Ripley, I have like; you know, I think they're both characters that are very far away from who we are as people - do you find that people are going: "Oh gosh, you're really different" when they meet you? Because you are."

Jessica: "...they all go: "I'm terrified of you", and I always find - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - that fascinating, because I never saw her as terrifying but then - of course she is...my laugh is still quite similar...I went to a comedy show the other week and my friend was like: "Don't find it too funny because people might - the comedian might be scared away."..."

Andrew: *laughs* "Oh yeah that - "

Jessica: "What about you with Ripley? Did you know the character or did you kind of find him?"

Andrew: "Well actually, what was weird about the character was that; the thing that I had to discover was that there's a - the discovery is that there's some part of him that is actually kind of unknowable, and once I kind of knew that, and to go: 'Well, there's kind of a blankness to that character that you can't ex, exca - excavate.' And I think there are people in the world who are like that, who are just very far removed from; that just don't know themselves, and go - and we do it ourselves, you go: "I have no idea why I behaved like that." I mean, we are a little bit of a mystery to ourselves, but I think he's an unreliable hero, and some part of it was just to sort of embrace the fact that there, there is some part of him that actually, um, is just - there's a chasm sort of there a little bit, and that then became sort of enjoyable to, to play.

But I found it difficult because, um, and in, in a strange way I know exactly when you say, when, when someone says: "I find - I find you really scary", like the murder parts of Tom were only like a little bit out of a year; it took a year to film that and a lot of the, the, the, the, the scenes in it are kind of quite domestic; where it's a person who's travelling around, or someone who's got like, um, awkward in a social situation, or is in a restaurant like - it's not murder, murder, murder, murder, murder the whole time. And so I didn't fi - I, I didn't find him really that scary or like, feel like I had to do when I was playing Moriarty; I felt like I had to do a lot of kind of stuff where I was like: 'I need to be really dark.' But actually I think the darkness of him is, is that he behaves in quite a impassive way at times, when actually you should be completely active in some ways. Do you know what I'm saying? Like that he's - "

Jessica: "I was gonna ask you obviously because you're such a funny person IRL, you know the bit where he doesn't - the pen thing; like when he's complimented on the pen and the one, the time the guy doesn't compliment his pen - "

Andrew: "Mmm. Yeah."

Jessica: "Was that in the script or was that you? Like the slight annoyance of you being like - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - I love it when you're like *makes face*: 'Oh you didn't' - everyone else did and you're like: "Thank you."..."

Andrew: "...I actually can't quite remember what the answer to that is. I imagine it was me; - that's just my own genius...."

Jessica: "...there's a sweetness to that - "

Andrew: "Mmm."

Jessica: " - I found that actually the most human - "

Andrew: "He's quite a sweet character."

Jessica: " - because it was like he was going: 'Oh, he didn't say it was nice - and that's why I like to have it.'"

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. Well that's the thing; he's a human being, you know, and with these, with these people, you know with certain characters, they call them monstrous; I always think that's quite tabloidy to call things, people - call people monsters, because human beings do monstrous things, but they are nevertheless human beings and that's our job is to kind of, in a way your first, um, priority is to not - is to kind of protect the character that people might go: "Oh that person is a psycho" or "That person is deran -" - whatever those things are, you - I just find them so incredibly helpful. And I think that's what was so beautiful about your, your portrayal of, in, in Baby Reindeer, was that, was, was just how um, oh well, just like the way - because that's the way you are in real life; it's because you're just so empathetic and kind, you know?" *they laugh*

[xpao-bearx]

"Partners In Crime"

Officer Callahan x Bad Girl!Reader

SUMMARY: As the resident "bad girl" of Hawkins, you truly only want one thing: to get into the pants of the resident dorky and dedicated police officer, Phil Callahan (and hey, maybe steal his heart too!).

NOTES: I recently just finished Stranger Things and yeah, great show, but have you SEEN the men??? 👀 Anyhoe, being the ✨️whore✨️ that I am, it really comes as no surprise that I'm simping over all the hot dudes but one of the hotties I've become obsessed with is CRIMINALLY underrated 😭

And so, of course, I took this grave offense ✨️personally✨️ and wrote this lil piece! Though I can't really call it little because it is SHOCKINGLY long (for me) and I sacrificed hours upon hours of sleep 🥲 But hey, when Phil fucking Callahan (and his gorgeous actor John Reynolds) makes you horny and inspired, YOU👏SEIZE👏THE👏GODDAMN👏MOMENT👏

If it isn't already obvious, this fic contains 18+ SMUT AND MATURE CONTENT and it gets preeetty steamy if I do say so myself~ It's also set roughly around Season 2, and I say roughly cuz I suck at remembering plots and shit so I just went with the flow 😅 And as always, PLEASE don't be a silent reader! Likes, comments, and reblogs are VERY much encouraged and appreciated!! \(^o^)/

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing this baby! This is my first ever humble contribution to the ST fandom and, who knows, MAYBE not my last ;)

In the small town of Hawkins, you were popular as the "bad girl". You were loud, headstrong, and constantly got into trouble--completely unlike any of the "proper" ladies that talked shit behind your back. But the trouble you caused, despite the chaos it unfailingly left behind, was never anything actually hurtful. Hell, you were even caught a few times using your colourful language to make some middle school children cry when you saw them bullying some poor boys (one of them, you remember, being the Wheelers' son who always looked like trouble followed him himself).

A bad girl with a golden heart; a cheesy, living cliché. But that's what you were. You just wanted to have fun, to live in the moment. But in this bumfuck town where pretty much nothing happens before that Byers kid mysteriously disappeared then reappeared, how could anyone really blame you for trying to stir shit up simply for your own entertainment and for your damn sanity?

But some of the locals knew you on a personal level. Particularly, the Hawkins Police Department. Before you stumbled upon Hawkins a few years ago, you were a drifter; chasing after the high of wherever life would take you, free yet lost. Whether it was by chance or by fate, you only stopped at Hawkins to fuel up your motorcycle and have a quick bite at the local diner until suddenly--like something out of those fucking romcoms your mother used to watch--you met him.

Phil Callahan. He was only a rookie officer at the time, having not even grown out his beloved moustache yet. You noticed his police cruiser parked at the gas station with an evident bump on the front of the car. He was fuelling up, but his hand holding the pump was limp and he was as pale as a ghost; eyes comically wide behind his horn-rimmed glasses, brunette locks tousled and sticking out every which way after frantically running his free hand through it god knows how many times.

And staring at this clearly stressed, slightly pathetic man, all you could think was: HOT.

Before your brain could process what you were doing (though, let's be honest, you never really used your brain much in most of your life decisions), you found your feet walking away from your bike of their own accord and towards him.

Once you were by his side, it's only then that you realized just how tall he was. So much taller. He easily towered over you and it made your mind drift to other, much less innocent thoughts.

Namely him bending you over his car and fucking you within an inch of your sorry excuse of a life.

"Can I help you?" Your head snapped up from the stranger's voice, eyes meeting his narrowed ones. And--dammit!--he was much more unfairly handsome up close. His light brown eyes reflected almost green, raising a suspicious brow at you as his lips pressed into a tight line.

"Sorry, Officer--" Your gaze strayed to his shiny name tag, a grin tugging up the corners of your mouth. "--Callahan. I just couldn't help but notice you. You look like you just died inside, man."

His brows furrowed, glancing over his shoulder to the bump on his car before quickly darting back to you. "Thanks for your concern, ma'am, but I'm fine. Nothing a civilian should be worried about, anyway."

"If you don't mind--" You piped up once more as he set the pump away. "I think it's got something to do with that nasty bump ya got there, huh?"

"Uh, okay, actually I do mind." He sighed exasperatedly, no longer able to hide his growing aggravation. Today was just not his day, it seemed. "Ma'am, like I said, it is none of your concern." He put on his police hat, tipping it to you. "Good day."

As he turned away from you, you sidestepped him so that you were in front of him again. Your grin was much bigger this time, practically reaching your ears. "Uh-oh, are you in trouble, Mr. Policeman~?" You purred, one hand reaching out and playfully drumming your fingers along his chest. You intently studied him from head to toe, as if admiring an artistic masterpiece before biting your lip and giggling. "Lemme guess... You're a young, new police officer who doesn't know any better. You got so excited driving a police car for the first time that you drove it a bit too fast and crashed into a tree or some shit. Sound about right?"

His face flushed scarlet, and you weren't sure if it was from the shame of having his dumbass misdemeanor exposed or from your fingers making a shiver run down his spine--probably both.

"How do you--"

"This ain't exactly my first time having a lil run-in with the law, so I know how men like you work." You winked. "Hey, tell ya what, how 'bout I help you? You can tell your other piggy buddies that I'm some crazy bitch with anger issues you caught for speeding and in my oh so scary rage, I purposely crashed my motorbike to the front of your car just to fuck with you. You can even put cuffs on me~"

He blinked, utterly dumbstruck as he stared down at the total menace that was you (and the fact that a certain part of him reacted at you graciously allowing him to cuff you), feeling like forever until he finally found his voice that cracked slightly as he spoke. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Y/N L/N." You hummed, wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned up on your tiptoes and dangled slightly off of him with the few inches left between the two of you. The sudden action caught him completely off guard, his hands dropping to your hips to support you and making him blush even redder. But you didn't care, smiling mischievously up at him. "Feel free to search me up in the system, Officer. I've got a permanent record, after all~"

And that's how you met Jim Hopper, Calvin Powell, and the rest of the Hawkins Police Department when Callahan brought you with him back to the station. They definitely didn't believe you guys, especially when you didn't have a single scratch on you that indicated you "crashed your bike to his vehicle" (Callahan cleaned up your choice of wording a bit). But it was amusing to see Callahan dragging you along in handcuffs, who appeared all too joyful with a shit-eating smile as if you just won the lottery. Meanwhile, Callahan's cheeks were flaming hot and his voice adopted to a nervous high pitch as he lied to everyone who were just barely containing their laughter.

It also wasn't long before you decided to settle into Hawkins in some shitty trailer park, but you couldn't really complain considering your drifting years weren't all sunshine and rainbows either.

Besides, Callahan made it all worth it.

It wasn't love at first sight, but there was absolutely attraction. Hell, you were practically (if not literally) throwing yourself at him during your first encounter, and after that it would be the same--if not more intense.

You were no stranger to trouble, but often times you would seek for trouble yourself on purpose just so you could wind up in the police station to bother--ahem, I mean, very persistently try to hang out with Callahan. Or you'd just go to the station despite having no business there, but Flo the secretary usually kicked you out before you had the chance to even lay eyes on the gorgeous four eyes.

Today, however, Flo wasn't there. You didn't believe in some higher power, but it was a fucking miracle that you were grateful for and didn't dare to question. And so you more than happily made yourself at home in the station, sitting down at Callahan's desk as you curiously pried into his stuff before a deep laugh from behind you broke you out of your little reverie.

"This is just ridiculous now, Y/N." Hopper shot you an incredulous though very much amused expression. "If you like Callahan so much--which I have no fucking idea why--then just ask him out on a date already."

It was no secret that Hopper can be a total grump, but oddly enough you became fast friends with him. He never gave you a hard time and you never bullshitted him, which in turn formed a weird sort of respect between the two of you.

You rolled your eyes at the huge man, turning back to Callahan's desk and inspecting his assortment of pens--which you thought was way too much and he probably doesn't even use all of them, but that only amped up his dorkish charm to you by, like, a thousand.

"You're one to talk, Hop." You scoffed, snatching a pen and beginning to click it continuously. "I bet your hand's tired from jerking off to Joyce Byers."

Hopper scowled, but a faint rosiness dusted his cheeks. "Okay, first off--" Click. "I do not jerk off to Joyce--" Click. "and unlike you--" Click. "I actually have the balls to ask her out--" Click. "she just hasn't--" Click. "WILL YOU STOP FUCKING CLICKING THAT GODDAMN PEN?!"

You didn't even flinch, casually stashing the pen away in your pocket before you stood and faced him. "Enough about you." You huffed, crossing your arms as your eyes levelled with his. Hopper may as well be a living brick wall walking around ready to punch whoever crossed him, but you were never intimidated by the chief of police whom you've admittedly grown a soft spot for. "Callahan on for patrol duty tonight?"

"Yeah, and you owe me big time." He frowned when you blatantly ignored him, but what was new? "I need as much manpower as I can get to investigate what the hell's going on with the pumpkin patches yet here I am, like a fucking idiot, helping to set you and Callahan up."

"You looove me~" You teased, patting his shoulder and granting him a Cheshire Cat-like grin. "This is all for a good cause, big guy. And just think, the sooner Callahan and I get together, the faster I'll be outta your hair!" You chuckled. "And hey, you're thinking too much into those pumpkin patches. Probably just some pumpkin farmers having a pumpkin war. Go big or gourd home, am I right?"

Hopper watched as you laughed obnoxiously loud at your stupid pun, looking so proud of yourself as little snorts wracked your smaller frame and your shoulders shook from sheer glee. He shook his head, sighing heavily to himself.

"God, I actually feel kinda bad for Callahan..."

•••♡•••

Night couldn't fall any quicker, but once it finally did your entire body was practically bursting with excitement like a child who's about to go out for trick or treating.

You hopped onto your bike, revving up the engine and driving even more maniacally than your Munson neighbour did out of the trailer park. You didn't even keep track anymore of how fast you were going, your hair flying as you raced down the road and were greeted by Halloween decorations strewn about in various houses' lawns.

A few minutes later, you found yourself on the empty road leading out of Hawkins. And just as you predicted--had hoped--the shrill blare of a siren sliced through the air and the all too familiar red and blue lights nearly blinded your vision as a police cruiser followed close on your tail.

You couldn't suppress the giddy grin that tore across your face, slowing down by the side of the road and the car pulling up next to you.

The butterflies in your stomach were doing fucking somersaults now as you heard the car door open and shut close, boots thudding on the ground as your favourite officer approached.

"Well, well, well... Lookie who we have here~?" The singsong voice made your grin widen even more if it was possible, making your cheeks hurt. The beam from a flashlight hit your eyes, and once your sight adjusted there was none other than Callahan, staring down at you with his pretty brown eyes. "If it isn't Lil Miss Trouble."

"Cally!" You giggled like some lovesick schoolgirl, and if we were being honest, you pretty much acted like you are. "Fancy seeing you here~ Halloween ain't 'til tomorrow, so why are ya out on patrol?"

"Beats me." He shrugged. "The chief suddenly put me on duty. Also, you know how much I hate that nickname." He grimaced, turning the flashlight off. It was quite dark, but you could still see him well enough due to a lone street lamp a couple feet away. "Get off."

His sudden commanding tone sent a shiver down your spine, a certain part of you getting wet. And it didn't help that you decided to forgo panties, your slick coating the seat of your bike. You then jumped off, your breasts bouncing slightly. This action didn't go unnoticed by him, his eyes dropping to your chest and trailing down your figure until his gaze landed on your skirt--if it could even be called that.

You were wearing a leather mini skirt that left little to the imagination, hugging your curves just right and showing off your thighs. He thought that if you made one wrong move, you'd flash him your panties; of course, not knowing you weren't even wearing any.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love your moustache?" You purred, heart leaping when he went speechless and his mouth hung agape.

His eyes flicked back up to meet yours, snapping out of his trance. "Only the first hundred times." He then cleared his throat, pointing an accusatory finger at you with a hand placed on his hip like a parent scolding their child. "Flattery won't work on me, Y/N. Do you know how fast you were going? And why weren't you wearing a helmet?"

"I know I was going pretty fucking fast!" You guffawed. "As for not wearing a helmet, well, what can I say? I don't like feeling restricted. I like being free. If I could, I'd totally go naked."

You saw his Adam's apple bob as he gulped at your emphasis of "naked", a death grip on his flashlight as his jaw squared. "That's public indecency." He stated simply. He was getting better dealing with you, but the ever so slight crack in his voice was a telltale sign that you still very much had an intoxicating, beguiling effect on him. "And where the hell were you going? Were you...leaving Hawkins?"

You didn't miss the plaintive way he had asked the question, your heart melting. He cared for you. No matter how much trouble you caused everyone, caused him... He would still check up on you, and you even caught him several times keeping watch outside of your trailer when Will Byers went missing a year ago. He claimed that the police were patrolling every nook and cranny after the kid's disappearance, but you never saw Hopper or anyone else guarding other people's homes like how Callahan did yours.

"I'm not leaving, Phil." You breathed out, nothing more than a whisper as you looked up at him; serious, for once. Because as boring as this town was, you've grown fond of it. And Callahan played a big part in that and even if you weren't together, he was the closest to home that you've ever felt in a long fucking time.

He searched your face for any lies, brown eyes soft before a genuine smile graced his features. "You better not, Lil Miss Trouble." A beat passed between the two of you, breaths mingling together and you only just realized how close you both were standing to each other. He had you caged against your bike, and you had to strain your neck just to be eye level with the tall man.

Then something in his expression shifted, and soon he was drawing away from you. "W-Well, I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Just this once, though! Think of it as thanks for that time--" You cut off his rambling when you reached out, grabbing his hand.

"I didn't leave." You declared, an almost pleading tone in your voice. "So don't leave either, Phil."

For what felt like a dreadful eternity, you were swallowed by a deafening silence. You, who was usually so confident, found your will breaking with each passing second. Your grasp softened until you let go, feeling your heart sink to your stomach.

"...Forget it. Thanks, Cal--" But you couldn't finish; because in a blink of an eye, his lips were on yours. It was brief, feather light. But the chaste peck made your heart explode, and you didn't even question if this was just one of your silly fantasies. It felt too real--too good.

He slowly pulled away, resting his forehead against yours and his warm breath tickling your nose. "I'm not leaving." He murmured, such beautiful, sincere greenish brown eyes locking with yours. "I'm not leaving you, Y/N."

You felt tears prickle your eyes, but before you would ever allow them to fall you wrapped your arms around his neck and nuzzled your nose with his. "Then prove it." And you crashed your lips with his, this time fiercely, passionately. You felt the rough brush of his moustache, but that only made everything feel astoundingly better.

He finally closed the gap between you two, looming over you, the flashlight clattering to the ground as his much larger hands clutched on to your hips before he easily lifted you and plopped you down on your bike's seat. You wrapped your legs around his waist, nipping on his bottom lip that elicited a gasp from him which you gladly took as the opportunity to slide your tongue inside his mouth. His tongue tangled with yours and coaxed it into a sensual dance, earning him a most heavenly moan from you.

You two only pulled away for breath, a thin string of saliva connecting your tongues. But his glasses were foggy and tinkly laughter bubbled out of you, feeling like a druggie high off of life--high off of him.

He chuckled, taking his glasses off to wipe them before putting them back on. "Sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "That ruined the moment, didn't it?"

"On the contrary..." You were still laughing, but you held one of his hands still on your hip and guided it lower, lower, lower...until his palm was right on your bare pussy. "You always turn me on, Cal. It's pretty fucking ridiculous, honestly."

His breath hitched sharply when he felt how drenched you were, his pupils dilating and mouth forming an 'O' at the realization that you've been half naked this whole time. He pressed his palm closer to your core, your laughter instantly dying down as his thumb slowly rubbed circles around your clit. One of your hands flew to his hair, something you've always dreamt of doing ever since you saw the incredibly sexy messy state it was in the day you met him. Your other hand clung onto his shirt for dear life, a gasp escaping you as he pinched your nub and began to stroke his fingers along your slit.

He leaned down to your ear, his fingers gradually increasing their pace and you trembled from the pure ecstasy that overcame your senses just from his deft fingers. "You really are a little troublemaker, huh?" He chuckled, voice dropping an octave lower. "You planned this all along, didn't you? Fucking slut..." His lips dragged down your ear to the crook of your neck, biting down and leaving a mark that had you crying out. "My beautiful fucking slut."

"All yours, Officer~" You mewled, your hand latched onto his shirt making its descent to his crotch. You palmed him, feeling his prominent erection aching to spring free as he groaned. "Just be mine, too." You peered down at him, eyes hazy with desire and desperation. "Pretty please?"

"I think I've been yours ever since we met. Not like I had a choice on the matter, anyway." He snickered before capturing your lips once more in a sultry, intimate kiss. Your mouth moved in perfect tandem with his, but you both took your sweet time as everything else faded away. There was only you and Callahan, Callahan and you. And it's all you ever fucking wanted; all you needed.

Not breaking the kiss, you shucked your leather jacket off and carelessly tossed it to the ground. Your hands came up to cup the sides of his face, fingers caressing him tenderly while his hands crawled beneath your white tank top; imagine his pleasant surprise to discover that you didn't wear a bra either.

"Jesus..." He muttered, yanking your tank top up before kneading and squeezing your perfect breasts as his lascivious gaze met your own. "You're gonna kill a fucking cop here." He grunted, making you giggle which immediately turned into an elated whimper as he tweaked your pert nipples.

"Get down. Turn around. Ass up." He ordered, and you didn't at all hesitate to obey. In your haste, you nearly tumbled off of your bike though Callahan steadied you. "Eager, are we, Y/N?" He chuckled, but something about the way your name smoothly, seductively rolled off his tongue had you wanting to fall down on your knees and reverently suck him off instead. But you didn't dare disobey, spinning around with your back to him and bending over your bike.

Though something dropped to the ground as you bent over, making Callahan arch a brow as he picked it up.

"My pen?" He scoffed, and though you can't see him, you can feel his disapproving stare boring into the back of your head like daggers. "Naughty girl, now you're stealing? Tsk, tsk." He flipped up your skirt, your ass now in full view as he licked his lips. His hands groped the pillowy soft flesh, releasing a low whistle of appreciation as he squeezed before suddenly raising his hand and spanking you.

"Ah..!" You exclaimed, looking over your shoulder with glazed eyes and flushed cheeks. "M'sorry, Officer~"

Smack! Another slap had you reeling in the best way possible, your pussy clenching at--unfortunately--nothing as you whimpered.

"Uh-uh. Didn't say you could look at me, did I, naughty girl?" He chided, seeing that you were wiggling your ass and trying to inch closer to him.

Smack! Smack! Smack! Three slaps, one right after the other. Your flesh glowed red with his handprint, making him smirk devilishly.

"M'sorry..." You said again, your voice coming out as a meek squeak. But more. You wanted more, more, more. "I'm a good girl, I promise!"

"I'm sure you are~" He hummed leisurely. "Just gotta prove it to me, right, baby?"

Before you had any chance to reply, he prodded your legs apart with his knee and his pants unzipping sounded like the most divine music to your ears. Both of your breaths got caught in your throats as the tip of his cock pressed against your pussy, stroking up and down your entrance slowly, teasingly. Your lustful impatience getting the best of you because, fuck, you deserved this, you were just about to slide down onto him when he suddenly pushed his entire cock in with no warning.

And fuck he was big. Much bigger than you ever fantasized, completely stretching you out as a long moan was drawn out of you and your upper body fell like a ragdoll on your bike. You vaguely heard him laughing huskily before he started to move; carefully, as if he was afraid you might break.

But with you? That didn't last very long, any pathetic thread of patience he had snapping as soon his thrusts started to become rapid, hard, wild--hitting that amazing spot deep inside your gummy walls over and over again, the lewd squelches of his cock slipping in and out of your pussy perfectly harmonizing with skin slapping against skin.

"Fuck, fuck, fuuuck..!" You screamed, toes curling and grinding your ass in time with his thrusts as he watched, utterly transfixed, with how you seemed to just fit him like a puzzle piece; the fucking addicting way you slammed back down onto him, your skin rolling with each bounce, your pussy clenching his cock like a goddamn vice and effortlessly accepting all of him.

He then wrapped a hand around your neck, squeezing just enough to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head before pulling you up so that you were standing and your back was pressed against his chest. He nuzzled his face just beneath your ear, hot pants grazing your skin as he never seized his pleasurable assault to your cunt as he continued to pound relentlessly into you like a beast in heat.

Suddenly, he pressed his pen to your clit. Your eyes widened as you felt the long, thin object rubbing against your sensitive mound, stroking and poking at your folds as his cock drove in and out, in and out.

"Gonna cum for me, pretty girl?" He whispered, planting butterfly kisses along the delicate column between your neck and shoulder, his grip on your neck tightening ever so slightly as he humped against you.

"Y-Yes, fuck, yes Officer..!" You choked out, rocking your hips desperately as you could almost see stars.

"Then cum, Y/N."

And you did; your walls fluttered and clamped down on his dick, your body stilling and eyes crossing as waves of the highest rapture coursed throughout your body. Callahan soon followed, a nearly animalistic groan accompanying the spurts of cum that gushed into your deepest, most intimate part as his hips stuttered to a halt.

You basked in silence, revelling in the satisfying afterglow. Then, agonizingly slowly, his twitching cock slid out of you, making you convulse and you could feel the hot cum trickling down your legs. He spun you around and gently grabbed your chin, tipping it up and examining your completely fucked out expression. You stuck your tongue out, and he didn't waste a precious moment as he leaned down and entwined your tongue with his. He held you closely, securely; hugging you to his broad chest as he stepped backwards until his back bumped into his car to support the both of you.

You were the first to pull away from the sloppy liplock, laying your head on his chest and sighing deeply. "That was..." You looked up at him, blinking dazedly. "...not what I expected."

"Did you not have fun?" He chuckled, though there was a hint of worry in his voice as his thumb lazily caressed your swollen bottom lip, kind brown eyes seeking yours. Shit, did he overdo it? Or worse... Did you realize that you actually weren't that into him?

"I did, it's just..." You trailed off before a giggle erupted out of you, shaking your head. "Y'know, the first time we met, I actually thought of you bending me over your car and fucking me. I never imagined I'd be bent over my bike."

"For fuck's sake, Y/N, you really are gonna be the death of me!" He whined dramatically, making you laugh and soon he joined you.

"So..." You grinned, fixing his glasses that had fallen to the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his sweaty, unruly curls that you loved too fucking much. "Was I a good girl, Cally~?"

"The fucking best." He returned your euphoric grin, booping your nose and, though he'd never admit it, he actually liked your nickname. Just for him, only by you. "Buuut you're a good girl that's coming back to the station with me."

"Huh? But I thought you're gonna let me off the hook for speeding?" You questioned, confused.

"I am, but you're forgetting your other crimes." He cleared his throat, rising to his full height and looming over you yet again. "Public indecency..." He traced his pen on your pussy, making you shudder as the cold metal glided across your skin up to the valley between your breasts. "...and theft."

"Well, Officer, if that's the case then you're not innocent either~" You smirked, wrapping your arms around his neck and dangling off of him much like you did the first time. "You stole my heart, after all~"

His face was as red as a tomato, smiling like a doofus as he hooked his hands under your plush thighs, hoisting you up and wrapping your legs around his waist. Taking you by surprise, but definitely not unwelcomed as he stared up at you with a stupidly smitten expression.

"We're partners in crime, then, Lil Miss Trouble~"

[areseebee]

The imitating-the-head-movement thing is soo great, tbh, I wonder if he was directed to or if he did that on his own. There's some really brilliant "little acting" in this show that's just so very good. I rewatched the S2 finale, and that scene with Cathy (not her eyebrows!), when she has that discussion with Ma Mary, he's full on beaming at his mother's pathetic claims about how much she's missed him, face completely dropping at Mary's "well you did dump him here quite a long time ago!", the way he says "Mum's had a lot going on" - that was sooo nailing the abandoned child in denial about their parent's lack of affection, brilliant, but also Mary's reaction!! When her eyes stay on James for a second before going back to Cathy going on about her business, you can literally watch Ma Mary's heart break for him! Considering there's some quite silly slapsticky comedy and over the top physical stuff in there as well, in some moments we really get to see how much *serious* acting talent there's assembled in this cast! ("Serious" acting talend in addition to comic acting talent, which is obvious in practically every scene I mean)

[this ask is referencing my tags on this reblog of a gifset of james in 3x07 as he watches his erin fancam footage]

yes, totally agree! there's some really, really top tier "little acting" from the entire cast (face acting, i think it's called? idk, don't quote me on that, i am not a trained actor).

in the same vein as the "little acting," the background acting in derry girls is just so excellent. i remember an interview with one of the main cast members where they talk about how tiring some of the long filming days would be because, even if they didn't many lines, they are always in the scene, reacting or doing something in the background. orla/louisa harland gets a lot of recognition for their/her background antics, but i think james/dylan llewellyn is really, really excellent with his background acting too. and, imo, it leads to a really rich text to work with as a fic writer and makes the show endlessly layered and rewatchable. i still feel like i pick up on new things when i revisit the show.

mine and @derrygirlstrash's fic, making moves, is grounded in only a look that erin gives james in the dark when the gang is sneaking into the protestant boys' room in 2x01. she's concerned about how she "doesn't have any moves," looks back at james anxiously, he very clearly notices, and then his next line is about how "boys like girls who are confident." like! why was she looking at him? had they talked about this together before? he's so quick to reassure her, to make sure she's not worried. boom - we wrote a fic about it.

or in 3x03, when james is about to sneeze on the train and erin is looking at him encouragingly, hoping she'll get to hear about his "hopes and dreams," and michelle is looking between the two of them like she suspects something, like whatever is about to happen needs to be stopped. did michelle really just happen on them kissing in 3x04 or had she been watching them for a while, seeing this develop right in front of her eyes and try to interrupt it? because i think it's fun, my headcanon is the latter and it's based literally on that one look in 3x03 alone. i'm not gonna write it, but someone give me a "5 times michelle suspected" fic!

there's just so much there if you've got an eye to it, so many spaces for fun ideas. it's the way i like to write and think about fic - to find those spaces in a source material, to find those opportunities within it to really explore what else could be there and to better understand who the characters are to themselves and to each other. imo not all source material has those spaces, but derry girls has it in spades.

[chilakillme]

I just need to vent lots of things regarding the Harry Potter reboot so bear with me

First of all WITH ALL OF THE POTENTIAL STORIES IN THE WIZARDING WORLD THEY DECIDED TO REBOOT THE OG THE WORLDWIDE LOVED ONE???? No marauders? No Hogwarts founders? No Tom Riddle origin story??? Like....how can they expect a random british boy to create the IMPACT Dan Radcliffe's face had on the world....like no. And also the only person of that cast that'll return will be Felton, I just know it.

And also, the movies are RECENT, yeah the first one is 20 years old but 20 years is not long enough to reboot a series that had the IMPACT Harry Potter had, like they still sell LEGOs and cutlery sets with the original actors face at my Walmart and they don't seem like antiques. Think about Indiana Jones or any other iconic character that has only been played by one actor, that's what Harry Potter should be (with exception for the play that most of us ignore) BUT NO THEY WANT A WHOLE NEW CAST

Now, the fact that JKR is going to be super involved and they're going to try to be as loyal to the books as they can is a blessing and a curse because of course having the author in a project like this is something fans love but we're talking about JKR and, she, you know, got herself into some messes recently and...yeah. But also, as much as I would love to see more of things that the og movies skipped and more depth to characters I still love, I can't help but think that it's going to turn into some political agenda (and I know everything is political but I'm talking about blatantly obvious political) or some kind of statement idk. Also, if it's going to be an almost book to screen copy they're going to run into a wall called plot holes and wonky worldbuilding.

As someone who read the books 11 times in a year because they had no friends in elementary school and revisited them constantly until a couple years ago, I can say that the series is full of plot holes and yeah they're going to need to fix that, but also some of the world building is just not done right, many things don't make sense or contradict themselves, and I'm not saying I don't appreciate the world we were given, I loved ot and still do, and I really appreciate the mythology, research and work that went into it but there's a point where some things just get ridiculous. (Examples: the secrecy things with wizards has some big questions to be solved, why are dentists unknown to wizards, do wizards know math or what do they do before hogwarts, the sirius black trial, why are the weasleys poor in the wizarding society, like there's really no sense in that (or at least I think so))

Also JKR should not go anywhere near the script, she wrote the scripts for the first Fantastic Beasts movies and then the third that was a little bit less of a mess had another screenwriter but by that time it was already too late and we all know how that went.

Also, this thing is going to need a gigantic budget but it's going to be a series and we know warner had some troubles or something recently (I don't remember all the details but yk, the discovery situation and them cancelling movies and originals from max). But the thing is that we could be looking at an amazon's lord of the rings situation where the firsts episodes were a success but only 40%-50% of viewers who started the series watched until the finale. And they want to make this a decade long project and I don't know if they're going to make it past season 4 even, but who knows I'm no expert in economics

Overall this shouldn't be happening but...

[alexsfictionaddiction]

Review: Last Seen Online by Lauren James

There is something about thrillers with an online element that I find really intriguing. With the internet being as wild as it is, it often feels like anything is possible here -even things you previously thought unbelievable. Add the insane energy that fandoms contain and it's the perfect mix for a twisty, shocking thriller.

Aspiring, young actress Delilah has a nightmare audition for her school play but it sees her paired up with Sawyer, whose mother starred in a very popular TV show decades before. A show that ended when one co-star apparently murdered the other. But Delilah has come across some mysterious blog posts from back then, written by an online persona called gottiewrites, who appears to know things about the actors' personal lives. Before long, Delilah is immersed in a world of conspiracy, obsession and the fact that the truth of what happened may still be hidden.

From the very first paragraph, we are clearly supposed to think of Delilah as relatable and 'just a normal girl'. She worries about the same minor imperfections that we do and so, it's obvious that she is us in the story. Having a character who serves as the reader's eyes in the story is a really great device but I'm not sure I should have been able to 'see' the workings of this in the writing. I probably would have liked Delilah just as much as I did without being immediately told that she worries about bad breath or her period showing.

I really liked how the story was told in various forms of media and that we were introduced to the scandal as it unfolded in the press. It meant that we were given evidence to come to our own conclusions as Delilah was piecing things together and that made for a really satisfying read. I also felt like I got to know the show, despite it never being an actual show. I don't know whether Lauren James has any experience with the makings of a TV show but it felt very well researched.

Of course, we also get gottiewrites' blog posts to read through. I really believed in gottiewrites as an obsessed online fan but sometimes some of the choice of words made me think 'hmm, was this how we spoke in 2014?'. As someone who was heavily involved in online communities in 2014 and before, some of the language that gottie and their commenters use felt far too contemporary. For example, I don't remember us talking about 'receipts' 10 years ago. It's a minor thing that I know some readers won't even notice but it did take me out of things temporarily.

The way the comments spiral was really well done and read really authentically. I could believe that these were copied and pasted from a real Tumblr post. I could almost hear all the different voices chiming in with their thoughts and I definitely forgot that James wrote all of these bits too. It's a real art to come up with all of these tiny character appearances, so I really commend them for that.

Delilah's characterisation as an obsessive friend also felt really authentic. She displays more than a few neurodiverse traits and I'd believe it if the author confirmed that she's undiagnosed but certainly autistic. Her intensity frightens her friend Nida and this is something that many autistic people come up against. I've not seen it displayed quite as explicitly as James does it here, so I really appreciated that.

Last Seen Online is definitely a page-turner. The nature of the format (the blog and comments make up quite a lot of words) slows down the pacing but the fact that I wanted to keep reading it means that it is worth diving into. I can see how some readers might find the plot convoluted but as I said at the start of this post, it's believeable if you know anything about the craziness of online fandoms. If you like YA stories that explore celebrity culture, scandals and fandom investigations, you'll love it.

[ghostoftheyear]

This has been on my mind as my other big fandom post has been going around.

A long time ago in a fandom I am no longer part of (for a variety of reasons we won't talk about here), I was told that I was a snob. I remember very clearly that I was sitting in my car with a person I knew from said fandom, outside an arena where we were about to attend a concert; the doors hadn't opened yet and we were both from out of town, so we had time to kill.

At the time, Livejournal was the main spot where fandom communities gathered. I used my LJ to post both personal stuff and fandom things, with custom filters so that my private stuff stayed private. Many people followed each other and did similar things, so that one would have a robust reading page (similar to a dash or timeline, but there was no reblog/retweet kinda feature) while also posting to community pages with community-specific posts: i.e. if it was a knitting community, you'd post your latest knitting projects. I liked it because I am a shy and private person who doesn't do a lot of outward engagement, so it was easy to connect with other fans.

Right around that particular moment, an anonymous hate LJ had also risen in popularity. Someone would start a post, leaving the comments open for anyone to respond, whether or not they had an account, and you could reply without logging in. It was hugely popular. And incredibly cruel. I cannot overemphasize the astonishing meanness of the posts. You'd get sort of a prompt post with the name of someone active in a certain fandom, and people would fucking tear them apart.

You may guess, from the way I'm describing it, that I really didn't like the practice. I went through the trenches of people attacking others online on web forums, and I didn't want any part of it.

(As an aside, I want to clearly state that people in a fandom never have to be the bestest of friends at all times. That's an impossible ask, and as well it's frankly unrealistic. You're never going to get along with every single other person who occupies a social space with you. But you don't have to be nasty, either. When I realized that people can just exist without having to particularly like each other, it changed my worldview.)

So there's this anon meme. And the person who was sitting in the passenger seat of my car told me how she'd seen my name on there and how I was perceived in fandom as being an arrogant snob who thought she was too good to interact with everyone else.

I had turned anon replies off in my journal after getting a few comments that creeped me out. I knew there were people who enjoyed interacting with anons, but I was never one of them. I didn't always comment on others' fandom posts, or on their fic. I kept to myself a lot, but I had a few really good friends within the fandom, people I did feel comfortable interacting with. I didn't make public posts about my private life. I guess not talking is the equivalent of being snobby and rude just as much online as it is in real life. (It didn't help that I wrote a lot of fic and was pretty well-known in the fandom.)

Why am I saying all this? I guess because even then, it felt like people wanted to make some kind of weird separation between those who make fanworks and those who don't.

This came up in tags and such on the other post, and it still baffles me. It was never quite as bad back then, but in recent years, when fandom got hacked and stolen by corporations, it's way worse. It almost feels now like there are three tiers in fan content:

The actual creators of the media. The writers, the artists who draw the comics and do the animation. The directors. The songwriters and performers. The actors. The video game creators. Those who legitimately get paid money to make the things we read and watch and listen to.

The fan creatives. Those who write the fanfic, who draw the fanart, who make the fanvids and meta-analyses. Those who create the challenges and big bangs even the zines. Yes, and those who make the gifsets and edits.

Everyone else in the fandom who doesn't contribute to fanworks, but takes in the media as well as the fanworks.

And I'm here to tell you that, no matter what corporations or fandom.com or Those On High try to tell you, that is not the case. There are two tiers.

Those who make the media. (#1 above)

Everyone who loves the media. This includes both those who make fanworks and those who do not.

That's right! We're all swimming in the same pool! All of us. And yes, in some cases those who make the media are not separate from the fans who enjoy it, but there is a distinction. And yes of course there are media creators who are also fans of other things (certain writers I follow on here who love other TV shows and so forth) but when they're loving the same stuff we are, we're still all in the same pool.

My point is that, as a fanwork creator, I am no better than, say, my BFF in the whole world, who generally is an enjoyer without feeling the need to add on in some way. I am definitely not better than you for making stuff, nor are you better than me for not. We're all fans, enjoying the same stuff in our own ways. I might feel inspired to write a few words; you might enjoy making headcanons while daydreaming. (And as someone who both draws and writes, one type of creator is not better than another).

So please, remember that fanwork creators are not """"above"""" any other fan. Which is just one of the many reasons why no one should feel weird about commenting on fics or reblogging art. We are truly all in it together.

(You may notice I did not use the terms "content creator" or "consumer" in this. You can be assured there is a very strong reason for that.)

K I'm going back to FFVII Rebirth now. I need to go find a missing chocobo.

[thedarkmistress16]

Favorite fic you've written? What would you recommend someone first reads of your work for the best first impression?

good q! ...Do I have to choose one? lol

I think my favorite is a very old, dark aph idea I had that I still think about sometimes, and I mean that in a way where I can clearly visualize what I was going for at the time today, as if the idea was always living in my brain without realizing it. I think I'm attached to how I set the tone in the way I wrote the description of events and just the concept of the character dynamic in general. I never finished it and it was never published, but I feel like if I sit myself down, I can complete it and improve upon the elements I was trying to go for, since I remember exactly how I want to write the progression of events after reading through what I have.

I would have to recommend one of my fanfictions since that's basically the majority of my writing still, even ones unposted XD. I would actually recc. my YouTuber one-shot series, specifically for fans of the channels mentioned, because despite the older and shoddy writing style, I still find it to be an enjoyable read for a 2015 fan (like a piece of history). Plus, I've been told I write their personalities accurately/in a believable way so there's that. 👍

And if that recc. was too old or not part of your YouTube watch experience, then I would suggest reading any one of my yan!rpf headcanons, as crazy as that sounds. It's one of the more recently-posted writing projects that entails a lot of my writing habits into digestible bullet points for a, what I've gathered, a niche idea for an AU:

injecting some comedy (plays on words relating to the actor's body of works) which implies some research on the subject for inspiration

exhaustive details on how the character would react to the darling's potential actions (choice inclusivity for the reader's theoretical, multiple routes)

how becoming a yandere would affect their personalities and actions (to murder or threaten? composure or rage?)

outlining a general plot from point A to B (start of obsession to relationship developments to "snapping" and eventual kidnapping to their ideal outcomes)

and how I write in the 3rd limited and omni/2nd POV.

And on top of that, for those who've read more than one hc, you can compare how different the characters as yans are from each other in levels of intensity, their moral lines (some don't kill and others are forceful), and how they are best subdued by their darling. And I think for a good first impression of what I tend to write, as dark shit is my jam and this formatting/length is more my style than a long, chaptered fic (I am trying to branch out into it, tho).

Actually! Since we're on the subject of ✨moi's writing,✨ may I kindly suggest this one aph fic I planned on extending from the silly idea I had sitting there years ago only to completely write an entirely different plotline from the ground up and add in a bunch of unnecessary details? 👀

[wack-ashimself]

I do not trust IMDB for reviews, but now, because of Anna and the Apocalypse, I do not trust rotten tomatoes either...

After 'Spirited' was such a good fucking movie, I found another christmas comedy musical: Anna and the Apocalypse. I had seen the trailer years ago, and said this was shit skipping it at the time, but after reading it was 'the musical shawn of the dead', I had to give it a go.

And checking rotten: great reviews. Both critics and audiences.

What was the movie, REALLY?

A shitty new age high school musical, like 'Grease' 2018 at christmas time, and there's zombies. Woot.

Was the musical part bad? No. But usually added nothing. There was...1-3 times it worked with the scene or added to it, but most times, it was like an internal monologue set to music. They were pretty good singers, meh actors. Felt like a fresh college acting troupe: Trying WAY too hard.

It wasn't funny. Like, at all, in any real way. I laughed so few, I don't even remember specifically why. More in passing. The only one who had real comedic timing was the blonde lesbian. She was the best singer too. She can hit those high notes (if that was her and not dub).

And the lead baddie? He was like the caricature of the personification of satire. He went beyond comic book status stupid. He also has the worst singing voice, and song, in the movie. Picture someone trying to be intentionally as annoying as possible...then forgetting they were doing that. And then continues thinking that's how a normal person acts.

Don't watch this movie. Fuck the major review pages. Or if you do watch it (as long as you are not a die hard fan of the writer/director/lead or musicals. Go in without a biased pro or con like me) tell me if it was as good as the reviews. I just don't want a big musical fan going in and saying 'it's the best wtf, wack!'

The special effects were SOLID, but with constant regular plot holes, boring music and dance numbers, this is nothing more than 'Generic (this WHOLE thing was generic for how 'one of a kind' thing it felt like it was trying to be) Christmas High School Musical: Zombie edition.' Sorry I didn't try to think of another creative way to say it, but this wasn't that creative either. You get what you give.

Anna and the Apocalypse: 3/10.

ps-best part? I thought anna, the lead, was terrible. For the lead, her story arc, acting, and plot developments added nothing to us giving a shit about her. If we don't care about the lead, or the supporting characters are far more interesting, you have a failure of a movie. She's not even anti hero. She's anti....personality. There is nothing original or special about the lead. Who the fuck wrote this and cast her?! Bet she's known for her signing more than acting...but again, the writing for her was tepid.

pps-actual best part? The reviews were saying (spoilers-because everyone basically dies, especially the adults) this is a coming of age story about a high school teen finding her way in a world where all those who supported her were dead. Now she's on her own... It was a MUSICAL. And not even as good as Mama Mia. Get over yourselves. You didn't reinvent the wheel. You cut the crust off bread (and it's still pretty white....and bland.)

[aerimomo-mellon]

Treasure spots you crying over a Drama~

Genre~ Fluff

A/N~ wrote this a long time ago and since I'm back why not start off with a reaction? (and ofcourse cause its treasure)

Hyunsuk

Our cute hype man haha, we all know he is one of the most energetic ( I mean maybe not but his face just looks like he wants to do every single thing in the world ) concluding he just thinks you're very cute.

Would probably sit next to you and give you a warm hug cause we all know our caring leader.

"it's okay, it's okay... I'm the one you should be crying over... hehe"

Jihoon

would be very similar to Hyunsuk although he would probably do something to cheer you up.

for example, maybe tickle you or even carry you to the kitchen to get ya some food. overall, I have a feeling he is just too sweet to see you cry even over a drama.

"if you don't stop crying I won't buy you ice cream this afternoon..."

Yoshi

I find him as such a calm person tbh.. he just smiles and is very quiet. So expecting the same reaction he would just smile...

And you probably thought I was going to write more but this dude won't do anything. The farthest he could even go would be to give you a forehead kiss or sit with you to watch together.

"........"

Junkyu

haha hahaha haha I don't even know why this title doesn't fit him.. you wanna know why??????

cause his cute fucking 엉덩이 is parked right next to you... and guess what he is sobbing desperately...

" I'm not crying something got in my eyes.." then sobs again ...

Mashiho

Because he is very positively mature I have a feeling similar to hyunsuk and jihoon he would be very caring..

would most likely give you a hug and maybe wipe your tears... put some strands of hair behind your ear and smile ... as simple as that...

" you're such a big girl, don't cry over A SILLY DRAMA"

Jaehyuk

He honestly gives me very calm vibes.. (is it only me??) like the “good boy” or even “innocent” . Lol

Would probably tell you to not cry and simply get on with what he is doing.

Not that he doesn’t feel bad that you’re shedding your eyes out.. but I mean think about it it’s not that serious (IT’S A FUCKING DRAMA)

Asahi

I don’t even know what to actually expect from this guy….. cause like .. (ŏ_ŏ)

Although he would say few words like —- “you okay?” (Let’s hope those come out of his mouth) we all like optimism

Concluding. Yup that’s it until you give up and ask him for attention he won’t know tf is going on..

Yedam

Uhh 🙄 I mean he is very sweet.. also like trying his best to calculate the best possible way to make you stop and feel better..

But he remembered he wasn’t interested in maths, worse… a girls emotions..

We all know he ends up singing you a short song to make you feel better cause,, that’s literally everything he could come up with.

Doyoung

Cheerful (knows what to do) 💤

Tries a lot of methods until he finds what’s the best. Probably teases you or even tickles.. if that doesn’t work hugs 🫂.

I find him so prepared lol… like he knows what to do when like unexpected things get in the way.. like you crying like you pet died but it’s just because that pretty girl took your favorite actor..

Haruto

Laughs cause he is just living his awesome swag phase of teen life..

Lowkey tries to make fun of you>.<

But in the end, he is a cheerful bishhhh I mean loves the attention you’re seeking. Jokes some more at the end gives in and hugs ya.

Jeongwoo

is probably freaking out trying to figure out wtf was going on.

actually helps you stop cring later on.

"why are you crying?"

"what do you mean im not...."

Junghwan

very similar to Jeongwoo absolutely no clue lol..

"I'm really sorry if I did anything to you.. I did not mean to make you cry in any way... sorryyyyy..."

Poor baby doesn't even know... it was the showww. when you tell him he gets all shy.

[noys-boise]

okay here's the full explanation:

so on a beautiful june day i was just enjoying my hyperfixation, a 90s sitcom titled Caroline in the city it's a really long story how i got into that we don't have time for that. the point is by enjoying i meant i was suffering. because around the third season things got weirdly painful emotionally? that's irrelevant too, what matters is i posted a picture of my favorite character being sad on another site captioned something like "he's my poor little meow meow". and then my weird little kiwi internet brother for no understandable reason wrote "i thought that was walter white for a second" because he's been watching breaking bad for too long. so i made this meme for comparison

i also created a cursed fusion because it seemed fun and i had no idea it would get so out of hand so here's the original version of Walter Karinsky, fusion between Richard Karinsky and Walter White:

and then if i remember right (my memory is a little more blurry on this one) someone else posted a picture of Amity Blight from the owl house and this bitch (my sibling) jokingly (I think jokingly?) said he thought it was jesse pinkman. to which my reaction was to create the next abomination amity pinkman or jesse brown

but we're not done yet because even later i posted a picture that wasn't even any previously included character this time it was the actor who played Richard (Malcolm Gets) but like playing another character in a musical and that was unfortunately right after that kiwi weirdo watched the new spiderverse movie and somehow he immediately thought it was Pavitr Prabhakar. because... I don't know. he claims he didn't even think the picture was Pavitr it's more like his brain projected a picture of Pavitr there because.. autism i guess? so i had to continue my cursed work

and for good measure i was forced to add Hobie Brown to the jesse one

in the meantime we had a lot of discussions about how all these characters would get to the point of selling meth, wether this means they all have cancer, how their loved ones would react to whatever the fuck is going on, wether we can kill these abominations without hurting our beloved characters involved in them, how if they keep most of the traits of their original components these are some of the most diverse characters ever created and etc. important philosophical discussions.

anyways finally a few days ago my bestiel from superhell (aka my fake brother from new zealand) had a dream where abed was part of the first smoothie so i begrudgingly agreed to making this worse

and now here we are with this post making me add May to the jesse smoothie

oh and we keep adding the names of their respective piece of media so I think now we're at breaking across the owl community & juliet in the city or something

Jesse. Jesse, I need you to be May in '& Juliet', Jesse.

[cherrycheridarling]

'someday maybe' | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: one swear? fluff and angst? kisses

summary: you're so close to finishing your second album when your manager pushes the deadline, your ex tom helps you write the final track.

{listen to someday by michael bublè and meghan trainor (if you want)}

wc: 2.1k

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey,"

"Yes, yes. I know. You are not being a very helpful manager right now, Noelle." you spoke to your phone as you paced around the living room, "Okay. I'll get working on it. Bye." you huffed and threw your phone against the couch.

Your album was due to be released in two months and you needed one more song to tie it all together. Your manager, Noelle, was pushing you to finish the song so she could start the promo of the album.

You were incredibly grateful for your career, but the pressure weighed down on you everyday. Never ending.

With a final groan you picked up your acoustic guitar and sat on the couch. Picking at the strings, trying to find a melody. You hit record on your voice memo app before strumming away.

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey, we can be in love once more. 'Till then I won't give my love away. Darling, I'm forever only yours." you sang softly.

You and Tom had a joyous relationship. A love that only ever existed in movies and fairytales. The type of love story that gets told for generations and onwards. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

Your breakup was calm, serene and clean. A mutual agreement as if your whole relationship had been a business deal. There were no loose ends or jealous passive aggressive remarks made. Just maturity and respect for one another.

Your pinky still held the promise ring he gave you. A token of appreciation. A reassurance that he'd always be there for you. And he lived up to his word.

Tom walked in and sat across from you, startling you, "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Whatcha writing?"

"Need a final song for the album. Sorry for showing up unannounced. I just get better inspiration here, with all the memories, you know?" you timidly looked back down at the guitar.

Tom nodded, "No need to apologize. We gave you a spare key for a reason."

You couldn't stop yourself from spilling the words from your lips, "That was when we were together."

You could hear the awkward silence start to fill the room before he spoke again, "Still our best friend, Y/L/N."

The pain that crossed your features was instant. Being addressed by your last name felt like a stab to the gut. Especially by Tom.

You nodded before playing again, "Can I help you write it?" Tom asked as he sat next to you.

"Dancer, gymnast, actor and now songwriter. How many hidden talents have you got, Holland?" you teased making him laugh.

He shrugged with a smile, "It's kind of like writing a poem, right?"

You pondered on his analogy before slowly nodding, "Yeah, it kind of is. Give it a go."

You began playing the melody and he listened intently for a few moments before singing, "I love seeing you happy. I miss seeing that smile. It's been such a long time. A– Nope. Nope. Nuh-uh. I can't do it." he shook his head aggressively with a loud laugh as you stopped playing.

"No!" you quickly protested, "That was amazing! Don't leave me hanging, c'mon." you nudged him with your shoulder before strumming again.

"Alright, alright." he ran his hands down his face, "And although I don't have you, I know now that I need to?" he paused and gave you a skeptical look before you nodded again, "Somehow make you mine. Mmm."

"Oh, okay. He's giving ad-libs and all. Get it." you nodded as he laughed.

You were so engrossed on Tom actually writing a song with you that you didn't focus on the lyrics he was singing.

"And I won't lie, it's hard seeing you with him 'cause I know he can't hold you like I can." his mood seemed to drop by a thousand as the words left his lips.

"When can we meet this boyfriend of yours?" Harrison flicked your forehead from across the booth.

You, Harrison, Tom and Tuwaine were all sat in the local pub. Pints of beer in front of each of you as loud music and chatting filled your ears.

You shrugged, "He's picking me up, so possibly tonight."

Tuwaine's eyes lit up, "Fina-fucking-lly. I swear you've kept him hidden for years."

"We've only been together for three months, T." you laughed lightly with the group of boys.

And they met him. It wasn't the smoothest of introductions, but an introduction nonetheless.

"Boys, this is Kai. Kai this is Tom, Harrison and Tuwaine." you gestured to the parties as they all shook hands and gave polite greetings.

"So," Harrison started, "What do you do for a living, Kai?"

Kai cleared his throat, "I'm a Senior Resident at Kingston Hospital. Working towards being Head of Pediatrics."

Tuwaine and Harrison both nodded, impressed by his profession. Tom's face remained expressionless as he stared at Kai with cold eyes.

"Do you have any siblings, Kai? Any psycho ex-girlfriends? Any wacky cousins?" Tuwaine joked making everyone laugh. "'Cause Y/N has a lot of wacky cousins."

"We could be in love once more,"

"Hey!" you gasped with a laugh.

Kai pulled you closer to him as he laughed, "No, no wacky cousins or psycho exes, but I do have an older sister and a younger brother."

This game of ask and answer continued on for a few more minutes. Tom didn't say a word, just sipped his beer and burned holes into Kai with his eyes. If looks could kill, Kai would be six feet under.

Kai was a sweetheart, but you two ended ages ago. His work got too much for him and your job had you touring and travelling every second.

You picked up after him with the chorus before diving into your own verse, "I remember that love song. I sang every word wrong, but you didn't mind, no, no."

"I love the things you do. It's how you do the things you love. Well it's not a love song, not a love song. I love the way you get me, but correct me if I'm wrong. This is not a love song, not a love song!" Tom belted the 'Austin & Ally' song from the top of his lungs.

"Your turn!" he pointed the pretend mic in your direction.

You laughed, not knowing any of the lyrics, but still wanting to participate, "I love that you not a licket! And you own a watch and chicken! We got a car!" you sang with full confidence, making Tom burst with laughter.

"Yes! Sing it, darling!" he cheered you on, "Absolutely butchering the lyrics, but sing it!"

"Being stuck inside a car. If it's not a doe, don't kiss it! I can't hear a missing, when there's a shoe inside the ceiling! If you really need to fart, you can lunch on a pig farm! Love song! Love song!" you couldn't even hear the song in the background, your voice overpowering it.

Tom was hunched over from laughing before he came back up and planted a soft kiss on your lips, "You are one hundred percent ridiculous and I love it."

You brought yourself back to reality and sang again, "And I'll admit that I miss you, but only if you do. 'Cause you know that I'm shy. And I can't lie, it's hard seeing you with her. 'Cause I know she can't love you like I can."

Tom's eyes met yours as the words fell from your gentle lips. His mouth was slightly agape as you continued to strum.

"You are absolute rubbish. Imagine coming in eighth. Embarassing." you laughed as you crushed Harrison in a game of Mario Kart.

He shoved you with his shoulder, "You're such a try ha—"

"—It's always the same, Tom! How can I trust you? You follow gorgeous models on Instagram and expect me to trust you?" Nadia's voice cut Harrison's words off.

You looked at him with wide eyes, his expression matching yours.

"Those women that I follow have been my friends for ages. Who I follow on a stupid app shouldn't effect how much you trust me."

You paused the game, cutting off the theme song, "How long have they been fighting like this?"

Harrison sighed, a long groan following, "A few weeks. I think it started when she saw that he liked your Instagram picture?"

You stammered, "M-my post? She got mad about my post?"

Harrison nodded before opening his mouth to speak, but Nadia cut him off again, "And she practically lives here! How do you think it makes me feel seeing my boyfriend play house with a superstar?!"

"Aw, a superstar? I'm flattered." you joked making Harrison stifle a laugh.

"I've been friends with Y/N since we were in nappies!"

"I can't be with you if you're going to be friends with her."

Your laughter abruptly died at her words. Harrison stiffened beside you.

"Y-you can't be serious. You can't make me choose between you and her."

"Why? Because you're gonna choose her?" you could hear her voice crack.

"I-" Tom couldn't make out a sentence for a few moments, "Yeah. I'm gonna choose her."

Your heart fell from it's place, stopping at your feet. Harrison brought a hand to his mouth, "H-he chose you. He chose you!" he whisper shouted before you shushed him.

"Of course. I don't know why I expected anything different. I think I'll be going now." Nadia's footsteps approached the living room.

You and Harrison scrambled to look as if you weren't eavesdropping on their argument/breakup.

Tom followed close behind her, "I'm sorry. I really am."

She nodded, hand on the doorknob, "I know. Goodbye." she stepped out of the house, slamming the front door shut in the process.

Tom let out a breath of relief before turning to you and Harrison who were staring at the Mario Kart home screen with the infamous tune playing.

"You guys are terrible actors."

"'Till then I won't give my love away,"

"I'm forever only yours." the both of you finished the song in unison.

There was a moment of silence before you reached over and ended the voice recording.

"T-that was really good. You can change what I wrote, I know it isn't as good as anything you would've written, but I tried. And it was actually pretty fun and I never knew how difficult songwriting was un—"

"—Kiss me." you cut Tom's rambling off.

His eyes grew wide, "W-wha—"

"—Kiss me, Holland."

He swallowed, a small smile stretching on his lips, "Thank God."

And with that, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. Interlocking like missing puzzle pieces. Moving in sync like waves in the ocean. Soft and sweet, but filled with passion. You could feel his smile against your lips causing you to grin.

His hand came up to pull your face closer into his. Caressing your jaw, fingertips playing with the hairs on the back of your neck. His other hand holding your hip in a tight grip. Pressing the pads of his digits into your flesh, scared that you might slip through his fingers again.

One of your hands was pressed flat against his chest. Steadying yourself, the heat of the kiss threatening to throw you off of your axis. Your other hand tangled itself into Tom's curls. Pulling and tugging lightly causing small groans to fall from Tom's lips. Your fingernails scratching his scalp. Pulling him impossibly closer to you.

"I want my ten pounds." Harrison's voice snapped you and Tom out of your make out session.

Him and Tuwaine stood in the doorway, shit eating grins on their faces.

Tuwaine laughed before placing a ten pound note in Harrison's palm, "You guys couldn't have waited until next month to get back together?"

"You two were betting on us?" Tom laughed at his mates who nodded.

You shook your head with a smile, "Absolute idiots, all of you."

Harrison let out a happy sigh and pocketed the money, "Today was a good day. Had a sick ass shoot. Got ten pounds. And my best friends are finally together again." he waltzed into the kitchen with Tuwaine, leaving you and Tom alone again.

Tom's shy expression met your gleeful one before he spoke, "Someday came a lot sooner than expected, huh?" he chuckled.

You nodded with a laugh, "It certainly did and I am not complaining."

He sent you a wide grin before cupping your face and connecting your lips to his again.

"Darling, I'm forever only yours."

[memes-saved-me]

Ok hear me out- the suffer brothers are great and all. The story they have written so far is great and look at all the attention it got. But sometimes they’re put on this pedestal like they’re gods. Yes they brilliant, but they ARE human. All the theories going around talking about ‘What if they made it look like this, for a big twist’ ‘what if they actually didn’t forget wills birthday and it’s gonna be a plot line in s5’ Like cmon, not every single detail in the show is relevant and some big conspiracy. Like how everyone’s mad abt them forgetting wills birthday, shit I would too! They wrote that what?..4-5 years ago?? Maybe longer? Would you remember a small detail like that? Like I’m sorry but the writers are allowed to forget tiny details. It’s not affecting the main plot in any way. Maybe the fans will be mad bc it could’ve been something more, but they are literally human bro. If they come up with some insane twist, props to them. I bet they could. But they are not gods! Some ppl need to give them a break..🥴

Not only referring to Wills birthday, but just all the crazy theories suggesting why certain ppl died, or aren’t dead, etc etc.

I follow this blog that had insane theories abt Billy coming back and at one point believed them, but can we as a fandom just face the fact that maybe the writers actually have never even thought of that? As fans of certain characters, we will pay more attention to them. As writers they are looking at ALL of them. Not the specific tiny details of every single one. That turned into a rant and I wasn’t gonna make this so long but damn it had to be said. My Ted talk is over 🤗

Also I love your blog btw <3

My biggest problem with what you said is the fact they don't rewatch their own show. Like yeah, they created something brilliant and are good writers in some areas and I agree not every detail is intentional or important but they have twisted a bunch of stuff from past seasons to fit s4 and I hate that.

It comes across as careless especially the whole Max and Billy relationship which feels disconnected from S3 as if it didn't happen anf Billy died in S2 when they were at eachother's throats. The forgetting Will's birthday I laughed at but in S1 Winona Ryder had to tell them certain songs hadn't been released yet because they hadn't bothered to do some research. Fic writers do more research than that.

I agree that they're human and aren't masterful geniuses but damn google is right there. They claim they spent all of lockdown perfecting S4 and it was really good but they fucked up certain parts and that's fine to point out.

They're not going to write what we create here and that's fine because I enjoy what they have done and what we have separately. I enjoy their 80s fanboy story and they're not interested in exploring certain characters which is a shame but fair enough.

I do think they get shat on and praised too highly at the same time. Some areas they do brilliantly and others they lack concerningly so but same lol.

Some of the shit fans pull up is insane. They really aren't that thorough and Billy is well dead. I didn't even expect his cameo. That's why people believing Eddie is alive make me laugh. They said he was written to die, that's why he was so likeable. Which in and of itself is lazy because they're scared to kill of the main cast and almost killed Max.

Most of the heartfelt character driven moments are from the actors themselves. Billy's dad, Robin coming out and El's hand on Billy's face. Amazing moments they didn't think of but that doesn't matter because they happened.

I mostly agree with you but I do think they need to at least google a few things every now and then lol

And thank you! I really appreciate that and love that you came to me with your rant. Send me one anytime haha

[ibijau]

I don't think I've seen this anywhere (and if you know of any fics that do have this concept, please link!), but what if the events of MDZS (all media) was actually based on history within a modern AU of MDZS?

So like, as an example, you have people speculating whether or not Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were lovers or not in the same way people do with some real historical figures today, some theories that say Nie Huaisang orchestrated everything that go mostly ignored by everyone except those in the #NieHuaisangDidIt community because it's Nie Huaisang, who is largely remembered as a relatively harmless sect leader, etc... Some even still think the Yiling Patriarch was pure evil, though the novel, shows, and audio drama have since made this an unpopular opinion to have.

And then there's Wei Wuxian, be it through reincarnation with regained memories or immortality, listening to all of this in the background.

“I'm just saying that you wrote your thesis on him, so of course you're biased,” Jin Guangyao said. “There's no way Nie Huaisang organised all this. Everyone in that period agrees that he was so stupid he could barely do basic additions!”

“I have a phd and I can't count either,” Nie Huaisang countered. “Listen, I tell you, the proof is all there if you just look.”

Of course, they weren’t called Nie Huaisang and Jin Guangyao, not in this life, but Wei Wuxian wasn't good with names. In fact, after centuries of being alive, he was worse with names than he'd ever been. Thankfully, this crowd Lan Wangji and him had become friends with didn't mind at all the nicknames he'd picked for them.

“And I can prove that Jin Guangyao didn't even die, and made a name for himself in Japan,” Jin Guangyao retorted. “There's this Han man who suddenly appears out of nowhere in the Japanese court, claiming to know great magic, and...”

“Yes, I've seen the movie too,” Nie Huaisang yawned, taking another sip of his bubble tea.

Jin Guangyao went red and purple, while Wei Wuxian tried to hide a snicker. If there was one sure way to piss of Jin Guangyao, it was by mentioning that recent movie that had come out, very loosely inspired by a series of blog articles he'd written years ago when he was still a student. The inspiration was loose enough that he hadn't been involved in the process at all, because the scenarist had pretended they just happened to have come to the same conclusion.

It wasn't a bad movie, Wei Wuxian thought. It wasn't a goodone either, but he quite liked the actor who played Lan Wangji in it (Wei Wuxian himself wasn't part of the plot, sadly, on account of being officially dead by then), and the fight scenes were pretty fun. Besides, he felt like Jin Guangyao should have liked it even better than he did.

The actor playing him was the tallest member of the cast after all.

“I hope you choke on your tea,” Jin Guangyao muttered, to which Nie Huaisang answered with a bright grin.

It was about to devolve into a fight (an animated academic discussion, Jin Guangyao would have called it) when Lan Xichen entered the boba place, radiant as always. She ordered her own tea (plain black tea but with extra sugar and the sweetest fillings available, as usual) and sat with them, apparently oblivious to the adoration with which Jin Guangyao and Nie Huaisang gazed upon her.

Wei Wuxian had a bet going on with Jiang Cheng about which man would ask her out first in this life. He also had a bet going on with Jin Ling regarding whether anyone would dare ask her out at all. Wei Wuxian would have tried to help the matter, but Lan Wangji wouldn't allow it, worried for his sibling. A needless worry, Wei Wuxian thought. Lan Xichen was doing well for herself in this life, and so were the other two. Going into academia had been a great way for them to channel their lingering resentment. Their fight had almost never gotten physical in this life.

“I'm sorry for being late, jiejie wanted me to help her order something from overseas,” Lan Xichen apologised, smiling warmly. “I hope I didn't interrupt anything important? You seemed to be chatting, no?”

“We were talking about Guangyao's movie,” Nie Huaisang cheerfully answered.

Jin Guangyao looked about ready to murder him, but Lan Xichen just laughed in that sweet, careless way of hers and in a second both men had forgotten their previous argument.

“Oh, that reminds me, I brought something that might make you laugh,” she said, digging into her handbag. “It's in your field of study... in a manner of speaking.”

She put a book on the table. On the cover were two handsome young men, one dressed in black and carrying a flute, the other in white holding a bright sword. Above them, bold characters professed that this book was called “The Founder of Demonic Cultivation”.

Wei Wuxian's drink went the wrong way, and he nearly died coughing on a tapioca pearl. When everyone was sure that he wouldn't choke so stupidly, they all turned their attention back to the book.

“What's that?” Jin Guangyao asked.

“It's a danmei novel,” Lan Xichen explained, a spot of red on her cheeks. “Jiejie lent it to me the other day, and as soon as I started reading I realised the subject was... familiar. It's about Wei Wuxian. The real one I mean,” she added with a smile to Wei Wuxian who pretended to be fascinated by his bubble tea. “It's, ah... very creative. It takes liberties with some of the events, but, ah, it's very well written.”

“Wonderful, more fiction,” Jin Guangyao muttered.

Meanwhile, Nie Huaisang eagerly grabbed the book and started browsing it with hungry eyes. He had theories about that, too. Mostly, about the exact nature of Wei Wuxian's relationship with Jiang Cheng, which he had once explained to Wei Wuxian with far more details than the immortal would ever have cared to hear... and he hoped Jiang Cheng himself would never hear about it.

In fairness to Nie Huaisang though, his arguments had been very convincing, and Wei Wuxian would have had doubts, if he hadn't been married to Lan Wangji for over a thousand years.

“Oh, Lan Wangji,” Nie Huaisang grumbled, closing the book and sliding it back toward Lan Xichen. “I suppose I see the appeal, but there's really no evidence whatsoever in their case, you know?”

“We know,” Lan Xichen said with an indulgent smile.

“Now, Jiang Wanyin and him, on the other hand...”

“You people are obsessed with romance!” Jin Guangyao complained. “His relationship to Jiang Wanyin was platonic!”

Wei Wuxian distractedly nodded. That was indeed true.

“And so was his relationship to Lan Wangji,” Jin Guangyao added with a disgusted glare at the book.

Wei Wuxian grimaced. That was very much not true.

“From the letters I've read, I think in today's world, the Yiling Patriarch would probably be asexual,” Jin Guangyao argued. “Not that I particularly approve of using modern terminology to describe the sexuality of long dead people, but if you consider everything we know about him, then... are you ok?”

“Peachy,” Wei Wuxian coughed, trying not to burst out laughing. Jin Guangyao's pride was still a delicate thing in this life. “Hey, Xichen-jie, mind if I borrow that book until we meet again? I think Lan Zhan would love it.”

“Sure, I don't see why not.”

Wei Wuxian grinned, and pocketed the book.

Lan Wangji and him were going to have a good laugh that night, as they always did whenever someone wrote a new story about them.

[seventhrounder]

I went thru my folder with old hockey magazines I had saved from around 2011 to 2015 and came across this one and thought it could be a fun to make a post about now in hindsight.

This is Jääkiekko magazine from May 2012, they always have a section of "99 questions with ..." and in this issue they interviewed Teräväinen.

I’ve translated the questions I found interesting under the cut! It ended up being about half of the interview. (*) are my additions.

On the cover "seuraava superjokeri" means the next super joker, he played for Helsingin Jokerit so it's a word play from that. Under, on the blue print it says: "The 17-year-old forward will become a first round draft pick in the summer. The natural goal scorer can dominate in SM-Liiga as soon as next season."

In the 2nd photo the headline and lead paragraph goes:

"A post with dents* - A year ago Teuvo Teräväinen was known only within a small number of hockey insiders. Few passers-by recognize him now either but after a flashy rookie season the Jokerit sensation is on the radar of every NHL team and is a strong contender to become a first round draft pick. Next season with Jokerit the talented second line center will be one of the main talking points in the SM-Liiga."

(*references the net Teräväinen had in his backyard and into which he practiced his shooting)

3. You've been described as a magician, top scorer, wunderkind and a prodigy. What do you think of these descriptions?

TT: Heh, those are some descriptions yeah. What can I really say? Don't really wanna comment on them much.

4. How nervous are you about the Draft?

TT: I try not to be nervous as best as I can. In a way I don't have anything to be nervous about since I don't care which team picks me or at what number I go.

6. Which is stressing you more, English interviews or physical tests?

TT: Maybe both. Bench press (laughs) and English interviews can be tough.

12. How far along have you planned your career with, for example, your parents or your agent?

TT: Haven't really planned things with others but I've thought about them myself. I try to go step by step and not jump too far ahead.

14. How does it feel to be so young with all the star players in Jokerit?

TT: How to say it? I haven't felt like I was young but a part of the team instead. The team's been very good with me and they haven't been looking down at me like: "oh he's young". It's been fun to play in an experienced team.

15. Is there a generational gap between players?

TT: You can see the age difference, older players look older but we're all childish, at least with our topics.

17. What does a 17-year-old do in the sauna nights of the team?

TT: I actually haven't been in any yet. I've always been at national team's camps or something.

19. Did you get the number you wanted?

TT: I did, yeah. I could've taken #18 but Semir (Ben-Amor) has it. But i'm happy with #86, it's good.

23. What are your strengths as a player?

TT: Offensive play and with that playing with the puck, passing, IQ, power play and skill, just the usual skill - skill with hands.

24. And weaknesses?

TT: They are to do with defensive play, strength and physicality. Battles and such but I think I took a step forward last season. That's a good thing.

25. Have you ever been "pressed into a mold" or has your playing style gotten to develop naturally?

TT: As a kid the play was mostly offensive/attacking, I didn't have to think about playing defence. Up until 15 years old, I got to attack pretty freely. Playing defence became more important when I started to play in A-juniors a couple seasons ago.

26. On a scale from 1 to 10 how determined are you?

TT: Maybe 8, feels like an 8.

32. What kind of role are you planning to take with Jokerit next season?

TT: I think a pretty big one. I try to be a top player and not just take others' example but give others example myself too. So that someone in the team can take something out of the way I do things on the ice and off the ice.

35. If you could pick anyone, who would be your car driver?

TT: Nico Manelius for sure. He's been my driver this season. I've had others too, like Riku Hahl but he's not nearly at the same level. Nico’s clearly the best.

36. What are the most important qualifications to be a good driver?

TT: The car is obviously important. Hahl's car is totally awful, he takes a lot of heat for it from the guys too. I wouldn't dare driving with him. Manelius is a steady performer, never lets you down.

38. What sports did you play as a 10-year-old?

TT: Hockey and floorball, probably football (soccer) during the summers at the time too.

42. When did you decide to focus only on hockey?

TT: So when I stopped playing other sports? Three years ago, before that floorball was kind of a side thing, I played a couple of games in the regular season and playoffs.

45. Do you follow floorball or other sports? Go to games?

TT: I don't go to games but I like to watch floorball on TV, it's an interesting sport. Sometimes I watch football too but I don't follow it much. Feels like they never score there.

47. Have you ever played with a wooden stick?

TT: As a kid I did play with a wooden stick.

49. You won the hockey players' golf tournament last summer even though there were more experienced players too. Are you good with all stick games?

TT: Well, I've been pretty good in all of them. I've played golf for a long time and still play it.

50. How is your swing?

TT: Pretty bold, kind of a hockey swing. I don't really care where the ball goes - as long as it goes far.

52. What do you think of off-ice training?

TT: Let's just say it's more stupid than being on the ice but you still gotta do it to be better on the ice.

56. Which word describes your professional relationship (with his coach, Tomek Valtonen), tranquil or colorful?

TT: Colorful of course. At times we're joking around, other times it's more serious but the relationship is really good.

57. Coaching you has been described in many words: good, bad, worse. What are they?

TT: Heh, well... I won't tell them here. He (Tomek) keeps the discipline during practices but sometimes when things haven't gone to a plan I've had to jump on an exercise bike in the middle of a practice.

58. What have been the reasons?

TT: I'll quote Tomek: "when I haven't been present".

59. Have you ever tried to turn the resistance of the bike to zero?

TT: (Laughs) Of course I have and sometimes I've even succeeded.

60. Describe your diet in three words?

TT: Greasy, healthy and good!

64. Your first name is not common for people your age. How did your parents come up with it?

TT: I actually don't even know. Maybe they didn't want a usual Ville*....

(*very common name for men of all ages in Finland)

66. Which of these is the most important: skill, unexpectedness or courage?

TT: Skill!

68. Your longest video game stint?

TT: Six hours, at least. I've played a lot of War of Duty lately.

72. The dumbest thing that has made you upset in hockey?

TT: Probably if I didn't get an assist on a goal even though I should have. Or even worse is if I score and they mark it down for someone else.

79. Have you had any concussions?

TT: I haven't had any, I've managed to always dodge them.*

(*ouch, tho it's good the recent one is his only as far as i remember)

84. In 2011 Team Finland finished in the 5th place at the U-18 tournament. Why only as 5th?

TT: Because we lost to Team Russia in the quarter final, just as well we could have won that game too.

89. You didn't get to be on the ice to accept the SM-Liiga bronze medal (because of the U-18's). When and where did you get it?

TT: I actually still haven't received it, I don't know where it is.

93. What is the population of Helsinki?

TT: There's like 5 million people in Finland so maybe around 500k in Helsinki? (to be exact 596k) Did i really get it right...?

94. Who's the mayor of Helsinki?

TT: I don't know, I barely know the president.

95. Do you think the municipalities in the capital city area should merge?

TT: Luckily I don't have to decide but they probably shouldn't.

96. What do you check first in the news paper?

TT: The sports section.

97. Your favorite tv show?

TT: Putous* was pretty good, I liked a lot of the characters. The grandma was pretty good.

(*Finnish live improvisation comedy/sketch show (there are still new seasons, the latest just finished). Every actor comes up with a humor character with a catchy phrase and one of them wins. "The grandma" is Marja Tyrni and I just got such flashbacks from typing this sentence.)

98. Last book you read?

TT: I don't read many books. The last book was a study book, a Finnish book. I wrote an essay on Tiki (Esa) Tikkanen's biography. An eventful book, great career and a lot of chirps.

99. Who should we ask the 99 questions next?

TT: Riku Hahl could have good stories, he's also seen a lot of the world.