#(I wrote this too long ago so I don't remember any of the actors I wrote about WHOOPS)

[nxposure]

On my last blog, I wrote about my eating disorder at great length. I think it's time to do it again. If you don't like long text posts, feel free to skip this, but don't skim read it and reply because that's not nice.

TW if you need it, eating disorders, self harm, body dysmorphia.

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People seem to think that eating disorders don't really apply to men. I spent my entire childhood listening to just about everyone passing judgement on other people's weight. As a boy, my apparent role models were all athletes, thin or muscular actors, skinny popstars and guys in music, and any husky person was either funny or tragic.

As I got older, I noticed these attitudes getting worse. Muscular men between acting jobs would stop cutting and starving their bodies, but would still look like peak physical condition but would be referred to as having a 'dad bod'.

Older still, I'd see people waggling their little fingers making jokes about small dicks, or laughing about people who cum to quick. People were too tall or not tall enough. Then they'd be too skinny if they were too fat. Then, laughs about baldness or their bodies being too hairy. It went on and on.

It melted my brain. I wanted to be whatever this idea shape was and deep down, I knew it wasn't possible, and I developed an immovable self loathing that I suspect I'll carry with me through my whole life.

I'd hear women getting similar criticisms, and the criticisms came equally from women and men, gay and straight, and of all races and creeds, and I think somewhere in my thoughts, I gave up trying to find a peaceful way of navigating this and began to purge every time I ate. I was playing a lot of team sports and would vomit before every game. I'd then go home, eat, and repeat. I became dangerously thin and people would tell me my body looked great.

I would pass out a lot through exhaustion and my eyes became dark. At some point I collapsed and hit my face on a shelf, then a radiator, and pretended to everyone that I'd just been in a fight.

After a short time thinking I'd fixed myself after scaring myself when I'd collapsed, it started again. I switched out bulimia for anorexia. I was now not eating at all. I remember hitting my hand with a spoon over and over when someone brought me some food to work, anxiety in overdrive as I hoped they wouldn't notice me not touching any of the food they gave me. That happened a lot and the back my hand was frequently purple with bruises.

I've kept a photo of a more recent period so I have something to check, in case I've dropped too much weight. This was me not that long ago, irresponsibly thin and I'd made myself very poorly. The skirt is cute though.

It was around this time that I'd collapsed again, this time in public. I was rushed to hospital with malnutrition and it was in the middle of lockdown so hospitals were swamped and everything was weird.

I was given a COVID test and while the nurses went to do my test, I sneaked out of the hospital because I didn't want them to tell me anything about how thin I was, even though they'd already clocked me. I walked home and collapsed three more times in the street, and twice more at home. I managed to get myself back to hospital eventually and spent the night under observation and was fed sugary gels and put on a drip to try and replace some of what my body had been missing for months.

I again discharged myself and ran away from the problem.

I was disgusted with myself. I was being irresponsible. I thought I looked enormous. I then made myself more depressed because I shouldn't talk about people's bodies like that. I loved people of all shapes and sizes and here I was, judging someone for being fat. I didn't eat or drink a single thing for two weeks after being in hospital. I was going mad. It was time to tell my friends what was going on, and it turned out a number of them had already worked it out.

One of the things I needed to fix was some of the people I sought advice from. I'd found people in secret who also had eating disorders and people who self harmed. It sounded like we were helping each other from the outside in, but the reality was that we were all enabling each other. Some call it trauma bonding. I call it unwell people egging each other on and even being competitive about it.

One girl said to me that my eating disorder wasn't as bad as hers. She gave me tips on how to act like I was getting better to other people. Saying you're trying is as good as actually trying, she added. It's all part of the performance.

I didn't want to be ill. I just wanted to not feel violently sick when I thought about my own body existing. I wanted to not be perceived at all, and to be left in darkened rooms, wasting away. While I spent all those nights, just lying there, I realised that this illness wasn't like other illnesses. Cancer wants to devour you. Broken bones want to heal. This eating disorder wanted me to stay alive but maximise the suffering in a prolonged bout of self harm. Me being dead was no use to my dysmorphia. I did just enough to stay alive, so I could maximise the suffering. It was like an endurance sport with no medal.

At some point, my name was put forward to appear on a news programme on national television. One of my supposed support network worked in TV and was asked if they knew anyone who had what had been rebranded as 'manorexia'. It's funny - even when showing concern, people still do stupid things like giving an illness that applies to anyone a ridiculous name. We don't call it blokeaemia do we?

After speaking to the genuinely respected and very nice journalist who I'd seen on television a lot, she was heavy handed in her questions. Things like "is it just vanity then?" is one that sticks in my memory. After 3 days of back and forth, the news story was dropped because a panda had given birth in a zoo somewhere. My sense of the absurd and gallows humour kicked in, mercifully. Men's eating disorders, relegated beneath a captive animal having a baby.

Another friend who was genuinely being well-meaning told me how brave I was, "going around telling everyone you have a woman's disease". I wasn't angry because I knew what they meant, but to someone more fragile, it could have gone horribly wrong. Another friend simply said "I don't want to ever talk about this - it's too upsetting."

I became aware of famous men talking about their eating disorders. A politician called John Prescott spoke of his and everyone laughed at it and made jokes on panel shows, based entirely on the fact that he wasn't thin enough. Everyone laughed at Hugh Jackman on talkshows when he spoke of the starvation and duress he put his body under to look a certain way for movies. Thin women were pointed at when they put an ounce of weight on. I heard women sniggering about other women saying "what does she look like in that dress?"

More recently, people would berate the 45th president of the United States for being "fat", rather than going after more pertinent things like his whole personality and terrible views. Fat, in this instance, was the ultimate sin, not being pro-fascist. I noticed how many larger men were clowning around at their own expense, and women would coo about them online. People like Jack Black - talented, good looking, charismatic - would be met with "I don't care that he's fat".

So where am I now? Mentally, the damage is done and I don't think I'll ever lose the will to harm myself. However, since my last collapse, I swore I'd never go there again. I rigidly eat three times a day. I've actively learned to enjoy the cooking process. It's been incredibly difficult, perhaps in part because I stubbornly refuse any professional help. I looked around for a psychiatrist who would help at one point, but every single one told me that they weren't taking men on.

Way back when, I started sharing photos of my body on Tumblr in a state of undress because I wanted to normalise how I looked. If I sandwiched myself between everyone else's nudes which I thought were beautiful, then I gave myself a chance to think the same of my own. It certainly helped. There's something about the kind of people this site attracts that celebrates a variety of people and I can be flooded with dopamine when my photos get complimented. They're compliments from people that sometimes get it, and that matters. Some people just think I'm being thirsty, and sometimes, they're absolutely correct.

My stomach has grown. There's fat bits on my back which I've never seen before. My neck got chunky where my jawline used to be razor sharp. At long last, I'm learning to love this. I love the softness of people's bodies, and it's taken me decades to realise that I'm just people too. I wear soft clothes that feel nice against my skin. I've collaborated on photos with wonderful people. While my dysmorphia is so bad that I doubt I'll ever find it easy to sexually pleasure myself, I've been shocked to find that people on here have actually had me feeling like a viable and sexy person! It's a completely new feeling to me and I'm trying to get better at taking compliments instead of pushing them away.

I've written about this before and at some length, but I feel it's important to do it again so it doesn't get lost. It might help someone. It might help people understand me better. It might help someone understand what their friend is going through. It might just be enough to offer an interesting perspective and nothing more.

I'm doing better than I've done in memory and it's weird and makes me feel vulnerable. I don't want to get complacent and writing this reminds me of how far I've come and not to let this terrible illness sneak up on me again. I've been through some horrendous emotional stress recently, and that's exactly the kind of time where a thing like this can reintroduce itself into my brain.

I'm doing okay though, genuinely. I can only write about these things when I'm in a good place. I hope you are too. If anyone ever needs to speak to me about anything like this, I can't promise I can fix you, but I can definitely empathise and I will root for you.

(please forgive any typos or garbled language in this - I wrote it in one take, off the cuff, without editing)

[denimbex1986]

Andrew: "It's where Jessica and I first met each other 10 short years ago - and a love story was born. Did we have a read through? I don't think so; I don't think we did. Do you remember meeting me for the first time? And if not, why not?"

Jessica: "I feel like it might have been that scene where we were all in Wales together - one of many - it was - "

Andrew: "The Welsh scene."

Jessica: "The Welsh scene; that one, yeah. Oh no, I should've thought more. When did we first meet?"

Andrew: "I don't - I don't actually remember meeting you for the first time. I remember hearing that you were - had an amazing audition."

Jessica: "...I only first got two scenes, I think."

Andrew: "Oh, really?"

Jessica: "...in the audition, Stephen, who wrote it, Stephen Beresford - amazing - and Matthew Warchus, they said: "You know, the thing about Sian is that, you know, she's a real woman." They were like: "She's real; like, she exists.""

Andrew: "...isn't she just?"

Jessica: "Isn't she just real?...when I read, and then I got sent the whole thing, and just - obviously just fell in love with it."

Andrew: "We had an amazing time."

Jessica: "Oh, we really did."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "I can't believe it's been 10 years; it was so nice - lovely."

Andrew: "And really unusual for - for, for a um, a film to have so many characters in the same scene; we were just so chatty the whole time - that's what I really remember. Just loads of actors there the whole time. There wasn't a lot of money because I suppose there was so many actors to, to be paid, you know? There was no - there was no sense of, you know, people going back to their trailers or anything like that - it was very, um; that's what my long-lasting memory of it is; it's just that everybody was talking all the time and the AD's had to go: "Shut the fuck up.""

Jessica: "And also if you think about the cast, it was quite starry in terms of like, you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "Bill Nighy, Imelda Staunton and - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "Dominic West and Paddy Co - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "But it never felt like any kind of stars were in it - "

Andrew: "No."

Jessica: "Nobody was like: "I'm going back..."... "

Andrew: "No."

Jessica: "Nobody felt like they were separate..."

Andrew: "It would have been a bit weird, and particularly because of the subject matter, if everybody was like - "

Jessica: "Yeah - "Leave me alone.""

Andrew: ""Where's my astrologist?""

Jessica: "Loads of people still come up to talk to me about Pride and how much - "

Andrew: "Me too."

Jessica: " - they loved it..."

Andrew: "But I think for a film like that - you know the way we watch movies; you don't have to watch a movie in a movie theatre, and I think for a film where people feel like they're in danger still - in countries where it's still um, uh, illegal to be gay, um, it - it's like a little gift, you know? And I think what's so wonderful about it is that it's a film that isn't about - it's about gay people, but it's not about their sexuality; it's about their humanity, and it's about what they did, and I think so many films can be kind of reductive or just talk incessantly about, uh, gay people's sexuality. And of course there's a place for that, but it was lovely because it's about these people who - it's about solidarity, and it's so incredibly moving. I don't know anybody who doesn't, uh, have a little cry at the end.

And I loved the character that, uh, of Gethin because um, I'd just finished, I - at that stage I was doing Sh - a lot that was very Sherlock heavy at the time, and I was really interested in playing a kind of character that was a bit more humane, and Gethin's a very shy character; he doesn't speak a lot but has a huge amount of pain and he - he's somebody who's estranged from his family, and I just was very, very, very hungry to play that kind of part. So, I was enormously, um, invested in it right, right from, from the beginning.

And I kind of knew that it was gonna be special, but I don't think anything prepares you for the - the music in it is so, um, important. And of course you don't have that when you're, when you're reading a script but that - I just think all those - I, I just think magic happened. I think, I think um, magic absolutely - absolutely happened, yeah."

Jessica: I think it's maybe Andy in the American Office says something...he says: "I wish that they told you when you were in the good old days.""

Andrew: "Oh yeah."

Jessica: "...that's so nice, and I think that's one of those jobs when you go - I think we knew though, a bit."

Andrew: "Yeah, I think - I think we sort of did. Yeah, and then we had all that sort of - we went to the Toronto Film Festival, had a couple of drinks there Jess."

Jessica: "It was great fun."

Andrew: "We did."

Jessica: "But Stephen's an amazing storyteller...the research that went into the film...he met Sian, the character I play - "

Andrew: "Yes."

Jessica: "...when I got the job, he'd said: "I'll put you in touch with Sian"...and when you book these conference calls, you have to put a limit on the time thing, so they put three hours...we got up to - and they cut us off because we got to a three hour thing - "

Andrew: "Oh, wow."

Jessica: " - because she just had so many fascinating stories; she's such an interesting person."

Andrew: "Yeah - amazing person..."

Jessica: "She came out to Toronto with us - "

Andrew: "She did, yeah. Yeah."

Jessica: "...and loads of them that are in - I don't know if people know but in that scene where we're marching - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - there's loads of original LGSM members playing supporting artists behind us in that, and they're all there as well."

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. They're all in the background; they're all, they - they flag, the banners."

Jessica: "Actually I think the real Jonathan is next to Dominic, I think - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...so nice."

Andrew: "You know we live in a kind of identity culture where everybody's like: "I'm this and I'm that, and you're that and we're this", and everybody's, you know, talking about how, you know, we all sort of separate each other in a, in, in a way - I think there's something a bit insidious about that in our culture at the moment. And, of course it starts out with these two communities that absolutely culturally are so dissimilar from each other, and then you realise that, that, that they - that they have an awful lot in common, and that they kind of need each other, and um, and that beautiful thing that Stephen always said is that prejudice doesn't survive proximity.

Meaning that you can have a prejudice about somebody, but if you're approximate to somebody - if you're near somebody - that you, you go: "Well that person is just annoying. It's not because of their sexuality." You know what I mean? It's, it's - you go - you can see...And he makes jokes that are so - I think it's the gags - "

Jessica: "Yeah."

Andrew: " - I think that's the reason - "

Jessica: "But I also think it's the lack of sentimentality - "

Andrew: "Yes."

Jessica: " - I think in the wrong hands, that story could've been told in a way - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - that you just: 'Oh.' You know, they bring out the -

Andrew: "Yeah. Yeah."

Jessica: "...and he was so great, and Matthew as well, the director - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - was so cutting in those moments. The perfect example is when they sing "Bread and Roses" - it's cut by the husbands storming in - "

Andrew: "Yeah, the violence."

Jessica: "...it's like it's not allowed to be too much, so when - those moments are earned, like when the coaches arrive that is an earned moment - "

Andrew: "Yeah. Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - that you allow the sentimentality of it. I think Stephen would be a great director, actually...there's a bit where I walk past my two kids...and they're plaiting Freddie Fox's hair. And I go: "Leave him alone, he's not a girl's world", and I've got these two pints and I'm brining them to the group. I think one of the first takes I did I was like: "Leave him alone...", you know, really scruffing their - and he's like: "You're a mum, you see them all the time; like you just - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. Don't be nice to them."

Jessica: "Yeah, don't be nice to them."

Andrew: "Yeah. But I think that's Stephen's great, great, um, uh, gift as a writer is that he's so full of heart, but he portrays heart in a way that, um, that, that; that's so realistic in the sense that it's not all necessarily all huggy huggy - people can be *rolls eyes*, you know, eye-rolling about the people that they love."

Jessica: "So many young people come up and say it helped them come out to their parents...they would watch it with them and then feel able to say "I'm that as well", you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...there are so many countries in the world that aren't able to have pride events because obviously it's still illegal there. So there's like one step forward, ten steps back, but also the fight of LGSM, and the miners, that they had in the 80's - it was a different kind of Pride then. And because of them, it's now allowed to be much more of a celebration and less about the activism, although I'm sure it's hugely - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - political even now."

Andrew: "As they say, the war's never over, but yeah, I think that's so true. And like, what was so disgusting, looking at the, the media at the time - the way, um, gay people were spoken about in the media was shocking. I mean, that's what I always say, that, you know, of course parents would be suspicious or upset if their parents - if their children - came out to them because what they were being fed by the media was that, that people were; they were going to be diseased, and they were going to be the way AIDS was spoken about - "

Jessica: "Those adverts were allowed on television."

Andrew: "Right, yeah."

Jessica: "It's just absolutely baffling."

Andrew: "Absolutely disgusting - and the, the horrible way that gay people were spoken about. But of course it breeds suspicion and it just shows; I don't know, it just, it shows if, if our media is, is allowed to, um, do that, then, um, you know, it has terrible consequences."

Jessica: "...I think I remember the DVD of Pride in certain countries didn't mention LGSM, so it said it's a group of miners...they were like: 'We don't talk about the gay bits.'..."

Andrew: "Do you know, it's so strange - you know, actually with All of Us Strangers, it was really str - wonderful this, this, this year because they used to do that kind of thing in - with things that had sort of gay content, and they would sort of pretend that they were two roommates; like they try to get away with it or they wouldn't mention it. I think like they sort of trick someone to go buy a ticket at the cinema, and it's like: 'Oh Jesus - well, you bought the ticket now, you can't leave.' But what was so wonderful, you know, seeing, doing All of Us Strangers this year was that they absolutely sold the romance, and that was, that was a wonderful, you know, ten years on from have, having done another kind of - kind of landmark gay film, it was really nice to see how that changed; that pe - that people go: "Well, this is what we're gonna do." There's an audience there, people aren't as scared to maybe go to the cinema, which; a lot of the reasons, you know, uh, people, don't watch - "

Jessica: "...it'd be interesting to see how long it took them to kind of sell it...I'm sure they had a few struggles distributing it and maybe like with the DVD cover having to be amended, maybe that's why - such a shame."

Andrew: "I think that's true; I think, I, I think it's kind of developed this huge, um, affection for it and this huge kind of cult status for want of a better word. Um, but I think initially, you know, box office wise it wasn't - it didn't match the affection and the - that, that people had for it. It won like some awards but I, you know, some people still don't know about the movie. And um, you know, I just think to watch the movie is to love the movie and um, and, uh yeah, yeah - I really think that. And not just because Jessica's so brilliant in it; there are other people in it. And what was your favourite - um, and what, um, uh, scene to film?"

Jessica: "...I actually really loved our scene in the hospital, and then going outside with Dom. I think that was just -"

Andrew: "Oh yeah, gorgeous."

Jessica: " - when he says: "You - don't go waste it", you know - "

Andrew: ""Don't waste it", yeah."

Jessica: "And I used to love that because people would always ask Sian: "Did that conversation really happen? Did they say: "You could be more than this?"...and she'd go: "It didn't happen - it happened more than once."..."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " She's so dramatic..."

Andrew: "Yeah - dramatico."

Jessica: "They were always like: "Find your potential", you know - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "What about yours? Do you remember..."

Andrew: "Well, there was a scene that I - when I have to go back to see my parents, so my character is estranged from his parents - I had to go back and I had; I knew I had this big pressure because I had to say the words "Hello, mum" and um, uh, he hasn't seen his mum in fifteen years, and I knew that I, I; it was a - quite a private, uh, ambition, to be able to, to go: 'I know that I can't just be 'Hello, mum',' and I had to, to just get that right. And again we, it was quite unusual to shoot that scene because it was just me on my own and usually there was millions of us around. I was like: 'Oh God, this is my bit. I have to - I have to make this right.'

And um, and I knew - Matthew's such a good director, and I think I did maybe one, only did one or two, again, one or two takes and he was like: "Don't worry, it's okay - we have that. We have that." With Matthew, you just know - he's not like a big gusher, but he; you can tell when you've affected him a little bit and, and I was really glad to be able to honour that feeling that you - that a lot of gay people have which is to - front it, but actually have a little wobble in your voice as well. Yeah, people - people feel that I think.

So yeah, everybody knows the absolute genius of Jess Gunning now; everybody knows it. It's so exciting because - I mean a lot of people know already because she's been a sort of a stalwart of our stage and screen for so many years, but like now everybody knows how amazing and brilliant and beautiful she is. So it's so exciting, and the fact that we get to, um, experience that together is just so magical, isn't it?"

Jessica: "...I love playing like a game of 'Little did we know' - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah..."

Jessica: "...even on the set of Pride, say - little did we know that it would; that we'd still be talking about it ten years on - "

Andrew: "Yeah, I know."

Jessica: " - we would be friends, I would know both your sisters as well as I do - "

Andrew: "I know, I know."

Jessica: " - like - it's actually just so lovely. I just love it."

Andrew: "...there's a big group - a big group of friends; Stephen and everyone."

Jessica: "Yeah, everyone is just so - and it's bonded us all together. Little did we know."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "...With Baby Reindeer, we were lucky to get all seven scripts given to us for the audition process, which is quite rare in television, because so often you get sent like one or two - "

Andrew: "Absolutely, yeah..."

Jessica: "...it was like: 'Oh, this is just amazing.'"

Andrew: "I remember you, I remember you, uh, during the audition process, it was - you did a few auditions, am I right?"

Jessica: "Like about five, yeah."

Andrew: "I remember; I was trying to be diplomatic there, yeah. And you just had a real feeling - I remember you had a real feeling that you were like: 'I - I understand this.'"

Jessica: "...I remember talking to you and our friend Ben, and I was literally like: "I know how to do this." And funnily enough, thinking of 'Pride', Nadia Stacey, who was hair and make-up designer on Pride - one of the notes we got from the audition process was that I wasn't looking like I was 42 enough - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "So I rang Nadia, and I was like: "If you were designing this, how would you do it?" And she was like: "Why don't I just do it? Why don't I put a wig on you -

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah..."

Jessica: " - and you tape yourself and send that through?" It's funny because when Richard tells the story, he says: "Do you remember when you got that wig from that joke shop?" and I'm like: - "No, it was like a - ""

Andrew: "From an Oscar winning make-up artist!"

Jessica: "...I've never done that before really. I know obviously for you with Ripley, you probably didn't - did you audition for Ripley? You probably didn't need to."

Andrew: "No, it came - it came out of, out of the blue and I was like: "What the -?" And like you, I got the whole, I got the whole eight episodes in one, and I read them on a transatlantic flight. I was like: 'This is really, really extraordinary - extraordinary writing.'"

Jessica: "And in paper copy as well?"

Andrew: "Uh, I got, got, got paper copies of - I have to - "

Jessica: "Did you not have them on an iPad?..."

Andrew: "I think it was - maybe I was slightly re - reimagining that. Like that's, that's kind of - just eight scripts; "Hello, I'm checking in please." Yeah, I probably read it on an iPad; but I made my notes. But I love - I have to say I like a hard copy of a script; I don't know why."

Jessica: "...I really do."

Andrew: "Do you?"

Jessica: "I think it's being in the the theatre - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - we like to have it there, because it feels real then."

Andrew: "Do you know the radio - you know radio, you know when you do a radio play - do you know a little trip, a little, a little, uh, uh, tip for when you - they're obsessed when you do radio, for people who don't know; you, you read it, but if you don't want to hear any paper noise, you scrunch up the page and then you open it up again and it does - it's kind of rigid so the, so it's only the voice that one se - that one hears. Never the paper."

Jessica: "...Actually, not to be too cheesy but Andrew played a massive part in terms of how I approached going into the part, because I remember we had a chat and you - I'd got the part; I'd got the job, and you were like: "Go for it now." It's making me emotional...I'd fought for it; sometimes when you fight for it and you get it, you think: 'Oh no, now I've gotta do it' and it makes you scared - "

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: " - enough to properly delve in."

Andrew: "Yeah."

Jessica: "But actually, after you gave me that chat, I really did properly kind of go: 'I've gotta..." - you know, that final voicemail she leaves, I always just connected with her straight away after reading that..."

Andrew: "My God, I've said that to you - I just find that just extraordinary; how moving that was just from your voice, just like - and actually, I think I found it kind of so moving because it was obviously the character, but I could feel your own input into that, you know - your own passion and that. Can I ask you like - I suppose because you're so different to the character, and I suppose I have it a little bit with Ripley, I have like; you know, I think they're both characters that are very far away from who we are as people - do you find that people are going: "Oh gosh, you're really different" when they meet you? Because you are."

Jessica: "...they all go: "I'm terrified of you", and I always find - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - that fascinating, because I never saw her as terrifying but then - of course she is...my laugh is still quite similar...I went to a comedy show the other week and my friend was like: "Don't find it too funny because people might - the comedian might be scared away."..."

Andrew: *laughs* "Oh yeah that - "

Jessica: "What about you with Ripley? Did you know the character or did you kind of find him?"

Andrew: "Well actually, what was weird about the character was that; the thing that I had to discover was that there's a - the discovery is that there's some part of him that is actually kind of unknowable, and once I kind of knew that, and to go: 'Well, there's kind of a blankness to that character that you can't ex, exca - excavate.' And I think there are people in the world who are like that, who are just very far removed from; that just don't know themselves, and go - and we do it ourselves, you go: "I have no idea why I behaved like that." I mean, we are a little bit of a mystery to ourselves, but I think he's an unreliable hero, and some part of it was just to sort of embrace the fact that there, there is some part of him that actually, um, is just - there's a chasm sort of there a little bit, and that then became sort of enjoyable to, to play.

But I found it difficult because, um, and in, in a strange way I know exactly when you say, when, when someone says: "I find - I find you really scary", like the murder parts of Tom were only like a little bit out of a year; it took a year to film that and a lot of the, the, the, the, the scenes in it are kind of quite domestic; where it's a person who's travelling around, or someone who's got like, um, awkward in a social situation, or is in a restaurant like - it's not murder, murder, murder, murder, murder the whole time. And so I didn't fi - I, I didn't find him really that scary or like, feel like I had to do when I was playing Moriarty; I felt like I had to do a lot of kind of stuff where I was like: 'I need to be really dark.' But actually I think the darkness of him is, is that he behaves in quite a impassive way at times, when actually you should be completely active in some ways. Do you know what I'm saying? Like that he's - "

Jessica: "I was gonna ask you obviously because you're such a funny person IRL, you know the bit where he doesn't - the pen thing; like when he's complimented on the pen and the one, the time the guy doesn't compliment his pen - "

Andrew: "Mmm. Yeah."

Jessica: "Was that in the script or was that you? Like the slight annoyance of you being like - "

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah."

Jessica: " - I love it when you're like *makes face*: 'Oh you didn't' - everyone else did and you're like: "Thank you."..."

Andrew: "...I actually can't quite remember what the answer to that is. I imagine it was me; - that's just my own genius...."

Jessica: "...there's a sweetness to that - "

Andrew: "Mmm."

Jessica: " - I found that actually the most human - "

Andrew: "He's quite a sweet character."

Jessica: " - because it was like he was going: 'Oh, he didn't say it was nice - and that's why I like to have it.'"

Andrew: "Yeah, yeah. Well that's the thing; he's a human being, you know, and with these, with these people, you know with certain characters, they call them monstrous; I always think that's quite tabloidy to call things, people - call people monsters, because human beings do monstrous things, but they are nevertheless human beings and that's our job is to kind of, in a way your first, um, priority is to not - is to kind of protect the character that people might go: "Oh that person is a psycho" or "That person is deran -" - whatever those things are, you - I just find them so incredibly helpful. And I think that's what was so beautiful about your, your portrayal of, in, in Baby Reindeer, was that, was, was just how um, oh well, just like the way - because that's the way you are in real life; it's because you're just so empathetic and kind, you know?" *they laugh*

[xpao-bearx]

"Partners In Crime"

Officer Callahan x Bad Girl!Reader

SUMMARY: As the resident "bad girl" of Hawkins, you truly only want one thing: to get into the pants of the resident dorky and dedicated police officer, Phil Callahan (and hey, maybe steal his heart too!).

NOTES: I recently just finished Stranger Things and yeah, great show, but have you SEEN the men??? 👀 Anyhoe, being the ✨️whore✨️ that I am, it really comes as no surprise that I'm simping over all the hot dudes but one of the hotties I've become obsessed with is CRIMINALLY underrated 😭

And so, of course, I took this grave offense ✨️personally✨️ and wrote this lil piece! Though I can't really call it little because it is SHOCKINGLY long (for me) and I sacrificed hours upon hours of sleep 🥲 But hey, when Phil fucking Callahan (and his gorgeous actor John Reynolds) makes you horny and inspired, YOU👏SEIZE👏THE👏GODDAMN👏MOMENT👏

If it isn't already obvious, this fic contains 18+ SMUT AND MATURE CONTENT and it gets preeetty steamy if I do say so myself~ It's also set roughly around Season 2, and I say roughly cuz I suck at remembering plots and shit so I just went with the flow 😅 And as always, PLEASE don't be a silent reader! Likes, comments, and reblogs are VERY much encouraged and appreciated!! \(^o^)/

I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing this baby! This is my first ever humble contribution to the ST fandom and, who knows, MAYBE not my last ;)

In the small town of Hawkins, you were popular as the "bad girl". You were loud, headstrong, and constantly got into trouble--completely unlike any of the "proper" ladies that talked shit behind your back. But the trouble you caused, despite the chaos it unfailingly left behind, was never anything actually hurtful. Hell, you were even caught a few times using your colourful language to make some middle school children cry when you saw them bullying some poor boys (one of them, you remember, being the Wheelers' son who always looked like trouble followed him himself).

A bad girl with a golden heart; a cheesy, living cliché. But that's what you were. You just wanted to have fun, to live in the moment. But in this bumfuck town where pretty much nothing happens before that Byers kid mysteriously disappeared then reappeared, how could anyone really blame you for trying to stir shit up simply for your own entertainment and for your damn sanity?

But some of the locals knew you on a personal level. Particularly, the Hawkins Police Department. Before you stumbled upon Hawkins a few years ago, you were a drifter; chasing after the high of wherever life would take you, free yet lost. Whether it was by chance or by fate, you only stopped at Hawkins to fuel up your motorcycle and have a quick bite at the local diner until suddenly--like something out of those fucking romcoms your mother used to watch--you met him.

Phil Callahan. He was only a rookie officer at the time, having not even grown out his beloved moustache yet. You noticed his police cruiser parked at the gas station with an evident bump on the front of the car. He was fuelling up, but his hand holding the pump was limp and he was as pale as a ghost; eyes comically wide behind his horn-rimmed glasses, brunette locks tousled and sticking out every which way after frantically running his free hand through it god knows how many times.

And staring at this clearly stressed, slightly pathetic man, all you could think was: HOT.

Before your brain could process what you were doing (though, let's be honest, you never really used your brain much in most of your life decisions), you found your feet walking away from your bike of their own accord and towards him.

Once you were by his side, it's only then that you realized just how tall he was. So much taller. He easily towered over you and it made your mind drift to other, much less innocent thoughts.

Namely him bending you over his car and fucking you within an inch of your sorry excuse of a life.

"Can I help you?" Your head snapped up from the stranger's voice, eyes meeting his narrowed ones. And--dammit!--he was much more unfairly handsome up close. His light brown eyes reflected almost green, raising a suspicious brow at you as his lips pressed into a tight line.

"Sorry, Officer--" Your gaze strayed to his shiny name tag, a grin tugging up the corners of your mouth. "--Callahan. I just couldn't help but notice you. You look like you just died inside, man."

His brows furrowed, glancing over his shoulder to the bump on his car before quickly darting back to you. "Thanks for your concern, ma'am, but I'm fine. Nothing a civilian should be worried about, anyway."

"If you don't mind--" You piped up once more as he set the pump away. "I think it's got something to do with that nasty bump ya got there, huh?"

"Uh, okay, actually I do mind." He sighed exasperatedly, no longer able to hide his growing aggravation. Today was just not his day, it seemed. "Ma'am, like I said, it is none of your concern." He put on his police hat, tipping it to you. "Good day."

As he turned away from you, you sidestepped him so that you were in front of him again. Your grin was much bigger this time, practically reaching your ears. "Uh-oh, are you in trouble, Mr. Policeman~?" You purred, one hand reaching out and playfully drumming your fingers along his chest. You intently studied him from head to toe, as if admiring an artistic masterpiece before biting your lip and giggling. "Lemme guess... You're a young, new police officer who doesn't know any better. You got so excited driving a police car for the first time that you drove it a bit too fast and crashed into a tree or some shit. Sound about right?"

His face flushed scarlet, and you weren't sure if it was from the shame of having his dumbass misdemeanor exposed or from your fingers making a shiver run down his spine--probably both.

"How do you--"

"This ain't exactly my first time having a lil run-in with the law, so I know how men like you work." You winked. "Hey, tell ya what, how 'bout I help you? You can tell your other piggy buddies that I'm some crazy bitch with anger issues you caught for speeding and in my oh so scary rage, I purposely crashed my motorbike to the front of your car just to fuck with you. You can even put cuffs on me~"

He blinked, utterly dumbstruck as he stared down at the total menace that was you (and the fact that a certain part of him reacted at you graciously allowing him to cuff you), feeling like forever until he finally found his voice that cracked slightly as he spoke. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Y/N L/N." You hummed, wrapping your arms around his neck as you leaned up on your tiptoes and dangled slightly off of him with the few inches left between the two of you. The sudden action caught him completely off guard, his hands dropping to your hips to support you and making him blush even redder. But you didn't care, smiling mischievously up at him. "Feel free to search me up in the system, Officer. I've got a permanent record, after all~"

And that's how you met Jim Hopper, Calvin Powell, and the rest of the Hawkins Police Department when Callahan brought you with him back to the station. They definitely didn't believe you guys, especially when you didn't have a single scratch on you that indicated you "crashed your bike to his vehicle" (Callahan cleaned up your choice of wording a bit). But it was amusing to see Callahan dragging you along in handcuffs, who appeared all too joyful with a shit-eating smile as if you just won the lottery. Meanwhile, Callahan's cheeks were flaming hot and his voice adopted to a nervous high pitch as he lied to everyone who were just barely containing their laughter.

It also wasn't long before you decided to settle into Hawkins in some shitty trailer park, but you couldn't really complain considering your drifting years weren't all sunshine and rainbows either.

Besides, Callahan made it all worth it.

It wasn't love at first sight, but there was absolutely attraction. Hell, you were practically (if not literally) throwing yourself at him during your first encounter, and after that it would be the same--if not more intense.

You were no stranger to trouble, but often times you would seek for trouble yourself on purpose just so you could wind up in the police station to bother--ahem, I mean, very persistently try to hang out with Callahan. Or you'd just go to the station despite having no business there, but Flo the secretary usually kicked you out before you had the chance to even lay eyes on the gorgeous four eyes.

Today, however, Flo wasn't there. You didn't believe in some higher power, but it was a fucking miracle that you were grateful for and didn't dare to question. And so you more than happily made yourself at home in the station, sitting down at Callahan's desk as you curiously pried into his stuff before a deep laugh from behind you broke you out of your little reverie.

"This is just ridiculous now, Y/N." Hopper shot you an incredulous though very much amused expression. "If you like Callahan so much--which I have no fucking idea why--then just ask him out on a date already."

It was no secret that Hopper can be a total grump, but oddly enough you became fast friends with him. He never gave you a hard time and you never bullshitted him, which in turn formed a weird sort of respect between the two of you.

You rolled your eyes at the huge man, turning back to Callahan's desk and inspecting his assortment of pens--which you thought was way too much and he probably doesn't even use all of them, but that only amped up his dorkish charm to you by, like, a thousand.

"You're one to talk, Hop." You scoffed, snatching a pen and beginning to click it continuously. "I bet your hand's tired from jerking off to Joyce Byers."

Hopper scowled, but a faint rosiness dusted his cheeks. "Okay, first off--" Click. "I do not jerk off to Joyce--" Click. "and unlike you--" Click. "I actually have the balls to ask her out--" Click. "she just hasn't--" Click. "WILL YOU STOP FUCKING CLICKING THAT GODDAMN PEN?!"

You didn't even flinch, casually stashing the pen away in your pocket before you stood and faced him. "Enough about you." You huffed, crossing your arms as your eyes levelled with his. Hopper may as well be a living brick wall walking around ready to punch whoever crossed him, but you were never intimidated by the chief of police whom you've admittedly grown a soft spot for. "Callahan on for patrol duty tonight?"

"Yeah, and you owe me big time." He frowned when you blatantly ignored him, but what was new? "I need as much manpower as I can get to investigate what the hell's going on with the pumpkin patches yet here I am, like a fucking idiot, helping to set you and Callahan up."

"You looove me~" You teased, patting his shoulder and granting him a Cheshire Cat-like grin. "This is all for a good cause, big guy. And just think, the sooner Callahan and I get together, the faster I'll be outta your hair!" You chuckled. "And hey, you're thinking too much into those pumpkin patches. Probably just some pumpkin farmers having a pumpkin war. Go big or gourd home, am I right?"

Hopper watched as you laughed obnoxiously loud at your stupid pun, looking so proud of yourself as little snorts wracked your smaller frame and your shoulders shook from sheer glee. He shook his head, sighing heavily to himself.

"God, I actually feel kinda bad for Callahan..."

•••♡•••

Night couldn't fall any quicker, but once it finally did your entire body was practically bursting with excitement like a child who's about to go out for trick or treating.

You hopped onto your bike, revving up the engine and driving even more maniacally than your Munson neighbour did out of the trailer park. You didn't even keep track anymore of how fast you were going, your hair flying as you raced down the road and were greeted by Halloween decorations strewn about in various houses' lawns.

A few minutes later, you found yourself on the empty road leading out of Hawkins. And just as you predicted--had hoped--the shrill blare of a siren sliced through the air and the all too familiar red and blue lights nearly blinded your vision as a police cruiser followed close on your tail.

You couldn't suppress the giddy grin that tore across your face, slowing down by the side of the road and the car pulling up next to you.

The butterflies in your stomach were doing fucking somersaults now as you heard the car door open and shut close, boots thudding on the ground as your favourite officer approached.

"Well, well, well... Lookie who we have here~?" The singsong voice made your grin widen even more if it was possible, making your cheeks hurt. The beam from a flashlight hit your eyes, and once your sight adjusted there was none other than Callahan, staring down at you with his pretty brown eyes. "If it isn't Lil Miss Trouble."

"Cally!" You giggled like some lovesick schoolgirl, and if we were being honest, you pretty much acted like you are. "Fancy seeing you here~ Halloween ain't 'til tomorrow, so why are ya out on patrol?"

"Beats me." He shrugged. "The chief suddenly put me on duty. Also, you know how much I hate that nickname." He grimaced, turning the flashlight off. It was quite dark, but you could still see him well enough due to a lone street lamp a couple feet away. "Get off."

His sudden commanding tone sent a shiver down your spine, a certain part of you getting wet. And it didn't help that you decided to forgo panties, your slick coating the seat of your bike. You then jumped off, your breasts bouncing slightly. This action didn't go unnoticed by him, his eyes dropping to your chest and trailing down your figure until his gaze landed on your skirt--if it could even be called that.

You were wearing a leather mini skirt that left little to the imagination, hugging your curves just right and showing off your thighs. He thought that if you made one wrong move, you'd flash him your panties; of course, not knowing you weren't even wearing any.

"Did I ever tell you how much I love your moustache?" You purred, heart leaping when he went speechless and his mouth hung agape.

His eyes flicked back up to meet yours, snapping out of his trance. "Only the first hundred times." He then cleared his throat, pointing an accusatory finger at you with a hand placed on his hip like a parent scolding their child. "Flattery won't work on me, Y/N. Do you know how fast you were going? And why weren't you wearing a helmet?"

"I know I was going pretty fucking fast!" You guffawed. "As for not wearing a helmet, well, what can I say? I don't like feeling restricted. I like being free. If I could, I'd totally go naked."

You saw his Adam's apple bob as he gulped at your emphasis of "naked", a death grip on his flashlight as his jaw squared. "That's public indecency." He stated simply. He was getting better dealing with you, but the ever so slight crack in his voice was a telltale sign that you still very much had an intoxicating, beguiling effect on him. "And where the hell were you going? Were you...leaving Hawkins?"

You didn't miss the plaintive way he had asked the question, your heart melting. He cared for you. No matter how much trouble you caused everyone, caused him... He would still check up on you, and you even caught him several times keeping watch outside of your trailer when Will Byers went missing a year ago. He claimed that the police were patrolling every nook and cranny after the kid's disappearance, but you never saw Hopper or anyone else guarding other people's homes like how Callahan did yours.

"I'm not leaving, Phil." You breathed out, nothing more than a whisper as you looked up at him; serious, for once. Because as boring as this town was, you've grown fond of it. And Callahan played a big part in that and even if you weren't together, he was the closest to home that you've ever felt in a long fucking time.

He searched your face for any lies, brown eyes soft before a genuine smile graced his features. "You better not, Lil Miss Trouble." A beat passed between the two of you, breaths mingling together and you only just realized how close you both were standing to each other. He had you caged against your bike, and you had to strain your neck just to be eye level with the tall man.

Then something in his expression shifted, and soon he was drawing away from you. "W-Well, I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Just this once, though! Think of it as thanks for that time--" You cut off his rambling when you reached out, grabbing his hand.

"I didn't leave." You declared, an almost pleading tone in your voice. "So don't leave either, Phil."

For what felt like a dreadful eternity, you were swallowed by a deafening silence. You, who was usually so confident, found your will breaking with each passing second. Your grasp softened until you let go, feeling your heart sink to your stomach.

"...Forget it. Thanks, Cal--" But you couldn't finish; because in a blink of an eye, his lips were on yours. It was brief, feather light. But the chaste peck made your heart explode, and you didn't even question if this was just one of your silly fantasies. It felt too real--too good.

He slowly pulled away, resting his forehead against yours and his warm breath tickling your nose. "I'm not leaving." He murmured, such beautiful, sincere greenish brown eyes locking with yours. "I'm not leaving you, Y/N."

You felt tears prickle your eyes, but before you would ever allow them to fall you wrapped your arms around his neck and nuzzled your nose with his. "Then prove it." And you crashed your lips with his, this time fiercely, passionately. You felt the rough brush of his moustache, but that only made everything feel astoundingly better.

He finally closed the gap between you two, looming over you, the flashlight clattering to the ground as his much larger hands clutched on to your hips before he easily lifted you and plopped you down on your bike's seat. You wrapped your legs around his waist, nipping on his bottom lip that elicited a gasp from him which you gladly took as the opportunity to slide your tongue inside his mouth. His tongue tangled with yours and coaxed it into a sensual dance, earning him a most heavenly moan from you.

You two only pulled away for breath, a thin string of saliva connecting your tongues. But his glasses were foggy and tinkly laughter bubbled out of you, feeling like a druggie high off of life--high off of him.

He chuckled, taking his glasses off to wipe them before putting them back on. "Sorry." He smiled sheepishly. "That ruined the moment, didn't it?"

"On the contrary..." You were still laughing, but you held one of his hands still on your hip and guided it lower, lower, lower...until his palm was right on your bare pussy. "You always turn me on, Cal. It's pretty fucking ridiculous, honestly."

His breath hitched sharply when he felt how drenched you were, his pupils dilating and mouth forming an 'O' at the realization that you've been half naked this whole time. He pressed his palm closer to your core, your laughter instantly dying down as his thumb slowly rubbed circles around your clit. One of your hands flew to his hair, something you've always dreamt of doing ever since you saw the incredibly sexy messy state it was in the day you met him. Your other hand clung onto his shirt for dear life, a gasp escaping you as he pinched your nub and began to stroke his fingers along your slit.

He leaned down to your ear, his fingers gradually increasing their pace and you trembled from the pure ecstasy that overcame your senses just from his deft fingers. "You really are a little troublemaker, huh?" He chuckled, voice dropping an octave lower. "You planned this all along, didn't you? Fucking slut..." His lips dragged down your ear to the crook of your neck, biting down and leaving a mark that had you crying out. "My beautiful fucking slut."

"All yours, Officer~" You mewled, your hand latched onto his shirt making its descent to his crotch. You palmed him, feeling his prominent erection aching to spring free as he groaned. "Just be mine, too." You peered down at him, eyes hazy with desire and desperation. "Pretty please?"

"I think I've been yours ever since we met. Not like I had a choice on the matter, anyway." He snickered before capturing your lips once more in a sultry, intimate kiss. Your mouth moved in perfect tandem with his, but you both took your sweet time as everything else faded away. There was only you and Callahan, Callahan and you. And it's all you ever fucking wanted; all you needed.

Not breaking the kiss, you shucked your leather jacket off and carelessly tossed it to the ground. Your hands came up to cup the sides of his face, fingers caressing him tenderly while his hands crawled beneath your white tank top; imagine his pleasant surprise to discover that you didn't wear a bra either.

"Jesus..." He muttered, yanking your tank top up before kneading and squeezing your perfect breasts as his lascivious gaze met your own. "You're gonna kill a fucking cop here." He grunted, making you giggle which immediately turned into an elated whimper as he tweaked your pert nipples.

"Get down. Turn around. Ass up." He ordered, and you didn't at all hesitate to obey. In your haste, you nearly tumbled off of your bike though Callahan steadied you. "Eager, are we, Y/N?" He chuckled, but something about the way your name smoothly, seductively rolled off his tongue had you wanting to fall down on your knees and reverently suck him off instead. But you didn't dare disobey, spinning around with your back to him and bending over your bike.

Though something dropped to the ground as you bent over, making Callahan arch a brow as he picked it up.

"My pen?" He scoffed, and though you can't see him, you can feel his disapproving stare boring into the back of your head like daggers. "Naughty girl, now you're stealing? Tsk, tsk." He flipped up your skirt, your ass now in full view as he licked his lips. His hands groped the pillowy soft flesh, releasing a low whistle of appreciation as he squeezed before suddenly raising his hand and spanking you.

"Ah..!" You exclaimed, looking over your shoulder with glazed eyes and flushed cheeks. "M'sorry, Officer~"

Smack! Another slap had you reeling in the best way possible, your pussy clenching at--unfortunately--nothing as you whimpered.

"Uh-uh. Didn't say you could look at me, did I, naughty girl?" He chided, seeing that you were wiggling your ass and trying to inch closer to him.

Smack! Smack! Smack! Three slaps, one right after the other. Your flesh glowed red with his handprint, making him smirk devilishly.

"M'sorry..." You said again, your voice coming out as a meek squeak. But more. You wanted more, more, more. "I'm a good girl, I promise!"

"I'm sure you are~" He hummed leisurely. "Just gotta prove it to me, right, baby?"

Before you had any chance to reply, he prodded your legs apart with his knee and his pants unzipping sounded like the most divine music to your ears. Both of your breaths got caught in your throats as the tip of his cock pressed against your pussy, stroking up and down your entrance slowly, teasingly. Your lustful impatience getting the best of you because, fuck, you deserved this, you were just about to slide down onto him when he suddenly pushed his entire cock in with no warning.

And fuck he was big. Much bigger than you ever fantasized, completely stretching you out as a long moan was drawn out of you and your upper body fell like a ragdoll on your bike. You vaguely heard him laughing huskily before he started to move; carefully, as if he was afraid you might break.

But with you? That didn't last very long, any pathetic thread of patience he had snapping as soon his thrusts started to become rapid, hard, wild--hitting that amazing spot deep inside your gummy walls over and over again, the lewd squelches of his cock slipping in and out of your pussy perfectly harmonizing with skin slapping against skin.

"Fuck, fuck, fuuuck..!" You screamed, toes curling and grinding your ass in time with his thrusts as he watched, utterly transfixed, with how you seemed to just fit him like a puzzle piece; the fucking addicting way you slammed back down onto him, your skin rolling with each bounce, your pussy clenching his cock like a goddamn vice and effortlessly accepting all of him.

He then wrapped a hand around your neck, squeezing just enough to have your eyes rolling to the back of your head before pulling you up so that you were standing and your back was pressed against his chest. He nuzzled his face just beneath your ear, hot pants grazing your skin as he never seized his pleasurable assault to your cunt as he continued to pound relentlessly into you like a beast in heat.

Suddenly, he pressed his pen to your clit. Your eyes widened as you felt the long, thin object rubbing against your sensitive mound, stroking and poking at your folds as his cock drove in and out, in and out.

"Gonna cum for me, pretty girl?" He whispered, planting butterfly kisses along the delicate column between your neck and shoulder, his grip on your neck tightening ever so slightly as he humped against you.

"Y-Yes, fuck, yes Officer..!" You choked out, rocking your hips desperately as you could almost see stars.

"Then cum, Y/N."

And you did; your walls fluttered and clamped down on his dick, your body stilling and eyes crossing as waves of the highest rapture coursed throughout your body. Callahan soon followed, a nearly animalistic groan accompanying the spurts of cum that gushed into your deepest, most intimate part as his hips stuttered to a halt.

You basked in silence, revelling in the satisfying afterglow. Then, agonizingly slowly, his twitching cock slid out of you, making you convulse and you could feel the hot cum trickling down your legs. He spun you around and gently grabbed your chin, tipping it up and examining your completely fucked out expression. You stuck your tongue out, and he didn't waste a precious moment as he leaned down and entwined your tongue with his. He held you closely, securely; hugging you to his broad chest as he stepped backwards until his back bumped into his car to support the both of you.

You were the first to pull away from the sloppy liplock, laying your head on his chest and sighing deeply. "That was..." You looked up at him, blinking dazedly. "...not what I expected."

"Did you not have fun?" He chuckled, though there was a hint of worry in his voice as his thumb lazily caressed your swollen bottom lip, kind brown eyes seeking yours. Shit, did he overdo it? Or worse... Did you realize that you actually weren't that into him?

"I did, it's just..." You trailed off before a giggle erupted out of you, shaking your head. "Y'know, the first time we met, I actually thought of you bending me over your car and fucking me. I never imagined I'd be bent over my bike."

"For fuck's sake, Y/N, you really are gonna be the death of me!" He whined dramatically, making you laugh and soon he joined you.

"So..." You grinned, fixing his glasses that had fallen to the bridge of his nose and running a hand through his sweaty, unruly curls that you loved too fucking much. "Was I a good girl, Cally~?"

"The fucking best." He returned your euphoric grin, booping your nose and, though he'd never admit it, he actually liked your nickname. Just for him, only by you. "Buuut you're a good girl that's coming back to the station with me."

"Huh? But I thought you're gonna let me off the hook for speeding?" You questioned, confused.

"I am, but you're forgetting your other crimes." He cleared his throat, rising to his full height and looming over you yet again. "Public indecency..." He traced his pen on your pussy, making you shudder as the cold metal glided across your skin up to the valley between your breasts. "...and theft."

"Well, Officer, if that's the case then you're not innocent either~" You smirked, wrapping your arms around his neck and dangling off of him much like you did the first time. "You stole my heart, after all~"

His face was as red as a tomato, smiling like a doofus as he hooked his hands under your plush thighs, hoisting you up and wrapping your legs around his waist. Taking you by surprise, but definitely not unwelcomed as he stared up at you with a stupidly smitten expression.

"We're partners in crime, then, Lil Miss Trouble~"

[areseebee]

The imitating-the-head-movement thing is soo great, tbh, I wonder if he was directed to or if he did that on his own. There's some really brilliant "little acting" in this show that's just so very good. I rewatched the S2 finale, and that scene with Cathy (not her eyebrows!), when she has that discussion with Ma Mary, he's full on beaming at his mother's pathetic claims about how much she's missed him, face completely dropping at Mary's "well you did dump him here quite a long time ago!", the way he says "Mum's had a lot going on" - that was sooo nailing the abandoned child in denial about their parent's lack of affection, brilliant, but also Mary's reaction!! When her eyes stay on James for a second before going back to Cathy going on about her business, you can literally watch Ma Mary's heart break for him! Considering there's some quite silly slapsticky comedy and over the top physical stuff in there as well, in some moments we really get to see how much *serious* acting talent there's assembled in this cast! ("Serious" acting talend in addition to comic acting talent, which is obvious in practically every scene I mean)

[this ask is referencing my tags on this reblog of a gifset of james in 3x07 as he watches his erin fancam footage]

yes, totally agree! there's some really, really top tier "little acting" from the entire cast (face acting, i think it's called? idk, don't quote me on that, i am not a trained actor).

in the same vein as the "little acting," the background acting in derry girls is just so excellent. i remember an interview with one of the main cast members where they talk about how tiring some of the long filming days would be because, even if they didn't many lines, they are always in the scene, reacting or doing something in the background. orla/louisa harland gets a lot of recognition for their/her background antics, but i think james/dylan llewellyn is really, really excellent with his background acting too. and, imo, it leads to a really rich text to work with as a fic writer and makes the show endlessly layered and rewatchable. i still feel like i pick up on new things when i revisit the show.

mine and @derrygirlstrash's fic, making moves, is grounded in only a look that erin gives james in the dark when the gang is sneaking into the protestant boys' room in 2x01. she's concerned about how she "doesn't have any moves," looks back at james anxiously, he very clearly notices, and then his next line is about how "boys like girls who are confident." like! why was she looking at him? had they talked about this together before? he's so quick to reassure her, to make sure she's not worried. boom - we wrote a fic about it.

or in 3x03, when james is about to sneeze on the train and erin is looking at him encouragingly, hoping she'll get to hear about his "hopes and dreams," and michelle is looking between the two of them like she suspects something, like whatever is about to happen needs to be stopped. did michelle really just happen on them kissing in 3x04 or had she been watching them for a while, seeing this develop right in front of her eyes and try to interrupt it? because i think it's fun, my headcanon is the latter and it's based literally on that one look in 3x03 alone. i'm not gonna write it, but someone give me a "5 times michelle suspected" fic!

there's just so much there if you've got an eye to it, so many spaces for fun ideas. it's the way i like to write and think about fic - to find those spaces in a source material, to find those opportunities within it to really explore what else could be there and to better understand who the characters are to themselves and to each other. imo not all source material has those spaces, but derry girls has it in spades.

[chilakillme]

I just need to vent lots of things regarding the Harry Potter reboot so bear with me

First of all WITH ALL OF THE POTENTIAL STORIES IN THE WIZARDING WORLD THEY DECIDED TO REBOOT THE OG THE WORLDWIDE LOVED ONE???? No marauders? No Hogwarts founders? No Tom Riddle origin story??? Like....how can they expect a random british boy to create the IMPACT Dan Radcliffe's face had on the world....like no. And also the only person of that cast that'll return will be Felton, I just know it.

And also, the movies are RECENT, yeah the first one is 20 years old but 20 years is not long enough to reboot a series that had the IMPACT Harry Potter had, like they still sell LEGOs and cutlery sets with the original actors face at my Walmart and they don't seem like antiques. Think about Indiana Jones or any other iconic character that has only been played by one actor, that's what Harry Potter should be (with exception for the play that most of us ignore) BUT NO THEY WANT A WHOLE NEW CAST

Now, the fact that JKR is going to be super involved and they're going to try to be as loyal to the books as they can is a blessing and a curse because of course having the author in a project like this is something fans love but we're talking about JKR and, she, you know, got herself into some messes recently and...yeah. But also, as much as I would love to see more of things that the og movies skipped and more depth to characters I still love, I can't help but think that it's going to turn into some political agenda (and I know everything is political but I'm talking about blatantly obvious political) or some kind of statement idk. Also, if it's going to be an almost book to screen copy they're going to run into a wall called plot holes and wonky worldbuilding.

As someone who read the books 11 times in a year because they had no friends in elementary school and revisited them constantly until a couple years ago, I can say that the series is full of plot holes and yeah they're going to need to fix that, but also some of the world building is just not done right, many things don't make sense or contradict themselves, and I'm not saying I don't appreciate the world we were given, I loved ot and still do, and I really appreciate the mythology, research and work that went into it but there's a point where some things just get ridiculous. (Examples: the secrecy things with wizards has some big questions to be solved, why are dentists unknown to wizards, do wizards know math or what do they do before hogwarts, the sirius black trial, why are the weasleys poor in the wizarding society, like there's really no sense in that (or at least I think so))

Also JKR should not go anywhere near the script, she wrote the scripts for the first Fantastic Beasts movies and then the third that was a little bit less of a mess had another screenwriter but by that time it was already too late and we all know how that went.

Also, this thing is going to need a gigantic budget but it's going to be a series and we know warner had some troubles or something recently (I don't remember all the details but yk, the discovery situation and them cancelling movies and originals from max). But the thing is that we could be looking at an amazon's lord of the rings situation where the firsts episodes were a success but only 40%-50% of viewers who started the series watched until the finale. And they want to make this a decade long project and I don't know if they're going to make it past season 4 even, but who knows I'm no expert in economics

Overall this shouldn't be happening but...

[ghostoftheyear]

This has been on my mind as my other big fandom post has been going around.

A long time ago in a fandom I am no longer part of (for a variety of reasons we won't talk about here), I was told that I was a snob. I remember very clearly that I was sitting in my car with a person I knew from said fandom, outside an arena where we were about to attend a concert; the doors hadn't opened yet and we were both from out of town, so we had time to kill.

At the time, Livejournal was the main spot where fandom communities gathered. I used my LJ to post both personal stuff and fandom things, with custom filters so that my private stuff stayed private. Many people followed each other and did similar things, so that one would have a robust reading page (similar to a dash or timeline, but there was no reblog/retweet kinda feature) while also posting to community pages with community-specific posts: i.e. if it was a knitting community, you'd post your latest knitting projects. I liked it because I am a shy and private person who doesn't do a lot of outward engagement, so it was easy to connect with other fans.

Right around that particular moment, an anonymous hate LJ had also risen in popularity. Someone would start a post, leaving the comments open for anyone to respond, whether or not they had an account, and you could reply without logging in. It was hugely popular. And incredibly cruel. I cannot overemphasize the astonishing meanness of the posts. You'd get sort of a prompt post with the name of someone active in a certain fandom, and people would fucking tear them apart.

You may guess, from the way I'm describing it, that I really didn't like the practice. I went through the trenches of people attacking others online on web forums, and I didn't want any part of it.

(As an aside, I want to clearly state that people in a fandom never have to be the bestest of friends at all times. That's an impossible ask, and as well it's frankly unrealistic. You're never going to get along with every single other person who occupies a social space with you. But you don't have to be nasty, either. When I realized that people can just exist without having to particularly like each other, it changed my worldview.)

So there's this anon meme. And the person who was sitting in the passenger seat of my car told me how she'd seen my name on there and how I was perceived in fandom as being an arrogant snob who thought she was too good to interact with everyone else.

I had turned anon replies off in my journal after getting a few comments that creeped me out. I knew there were people who enjoyed interacting with anons, but I was never one of them. I didn't always comment on others' fandom posts, or on their fic. I kept to myself a lot, but I had a few really good friends within the fandom, people I did feel comfortable interacting with. I didn't make public posts about my private life. I guess not talking is the equivalent of being snobby and rude just as much online as it is in real life. (It didn't help that I wrote a lot of fic and was pretty well-known in the fandom.)

Why am I saying all this? I guess because even then, it felt like people wanted to make some kind of weird separation between those who make fanworks and those who don't.

This came up in tags and such on the other post, and it still baffles me. It was never quite as bad back then, but in recent years, when fandom got hacked and stolen by corporations, it's way worse. It almost feels now like there are three tiers in fan content:

The actual creators of the media. The writers, the artists who draw the comics and do the animation. The directors. The songwriters and performers. The actors. The video game creators. Those who legitimately get paid money to make the things we read and watch and listen to.

The fan creatives. Those who write the fanfic, who draw the fanart, who make the fanvids and meta-analyses. Those who create the challenges and big bangs even the zines. Yes, and those who make the gifsets and edits.

Everyone else in the fandom who doesn't contribute to fanworks, but takes in the media as well as the fanworks.

And I'm here to tell you that, no matter what corporations or fandom.com or Those On High try to tell you, that is not the case. There are two tiers.

Those who make the media. (#1 above)

Everyone who loves the media. This includes both those who make fanworks and those who do not.

That's right! We're all swimming in the same pool! All of us. And yes, in some cases those who make the media are not separate from the fans who enjoy it, but there is a distinction. And yes of course there are media creators who are also fans of other things (certain writers I follow on here who love other TV shows and so forth) but when they're loving the same stuff we are, we're still all in the same pool.

My point is that, as a fanwork creator, I am no better than, say, my BFF in the whole world, who generally is an enjoyer without feeling the need to add on in some way. I am definitely not better than you for making stuff, nor are you better than me for not. We're all fans, enjoying the same stuff in our own ways. I might feel inspired to write a few words; you might enjoy making headcanons while daydreaming. (And as someone who both draws and writes, one type of creator is not better than another).

So please, remember that fanwork creators are not """"above"""" any other fan. Which is just one of the many reasons why no one should feel weird about commenting on fics or reblogging art. We are truly all in it together.

(You may notice I did not use the terms "content creator" or "consumer" in this. You can be assured there is a very strong reason for that.)

K I'm going back to FFVII Rebirth now. I need to go find a missing chocobo.

[thedarkmistress16]

Favorite fic you've written? What would you recommend someone first reads of your work for the best first impression?

good q! ...Do I have to choose one? lol

I think my favorite is a very old, dark aph idea I had that I still think about sometimes, and I mean that in a way where I can clearly visualize what I was going for at the time today, as if the idea was always living in my brain without realizing it. I think I'm attached to how I set the tone in the way I wrote the description of events and just the concept of the character dynamic in general. I never finished it and it was never published, but I feel like if I sit myself down, I can complete it and improve upon the elements I was trying to go for, since I remember exactly how I want to write the progression of events after reading through what I have.

I would have to recommend one of my fanfictions since that's basically the majority of my writing still, even ones unposted XD. I would actually recc. my YouTuber one-shot series, specifically for fans of the channels mentioned, because despite the older and shoddy writing style, I still find it to be an enjoyable read for a 2015 fan (like a piece of history). Plus, I've been told I write their personalities accurately/in a believable way so there's that. 👍

And if that recc. was too old or not part of your YouTube watch experience, then I would suggest reading any one of my yan!rpf headcanons, as crazy as that sounds. It's one of the more recently-posted writing projects that entails a lot of my writing habits into digestible bullet points for a, what I've gathered, a niche idea for an AU:

injecting some comedy (plays on words relating to the actor's body of works) which implies some research on the subject for inspiration

exhaustive details on how the character would react to the darling's potential actions (choice inclusivity for the reader's theoretical, multiple routes)

how becoming a yandere would affect their personalities and actions (to murder or threaten? composure or rage?)

outlining a general plot from point A to B (start of obsession to relationship developments to "snapping" and eventual kidnapping to their ideal outcomes)

and how I write in the 3rd limited and omni/2nd POV.

And on top of that, for those who've read more than one hc, you can compare how different the characters as yans are from each other in levels of intensity, their moral lines (some don't kill and others are forceful), and how they are best subdued by their darling. And I think for a good first impression of what I tend to write, as dark shit is my jam and this formatting/length is more my style than a long, chaptered fic (I am trying to branch out into it, tho).

Actually! Since we're on the subject of ✨moi's writing,✨ may I kindly suggest this one aph fic I planned on extending from the silly idea I had sitting there years ago only to completely write an entirely different plotline from the ground up and add in a bunch of unnecessary details? 👀

[wack-ashimself]

I do not trust IMDB for reviews, but now, because of Anna and the Apocalypse, I do not trust rotten tomatoes either...

After 'Spirited' was such a good fucking movie, I found another christmas comedy musical: Anna and the Apocalypse. I had seen the trailer years ago, and said this was shit skipping it at the time, but after reading it was 'the musical shawn of the dead', I had to give it a go.

And checking rotten: great reviews. Both critics and audiences.

What was the movie, REALLY?

A shitty new age high school musical, like 'Grease' 2018 at christmas time, and there's zombies. Woot.

Was the musical part bad? No. But usually added nothing. There was...1-3 times it worked with the scene or added to it, but most times, it was like an internal monologue set to music. They were pretty good singers, meh actors. Felt like a fresh college acting troupe: Trying WAY too hard.

It wasn't funny. Like, at all, in any real way. I laughed so few, I don't even remember specifically why. More in passing. The only one who had real comedic timing was the blonde lesbian. She was the best singer too. She can hit those high notes (if that was her and not dub).

And the lead baddie? He was like the caricature of the personification of satire. He went beyond comic book status stupid. He also has the worst singing voice, and song, in the movie. Picture someone trying to be intentionally as annoying as possible...then forgetting they were doing that. And then continues thinking that's how a normal person acts.

Don't watch this movie. Fuck the major review pages. Or if you do watch it (as long as you are not a die hard fan of the writer/director/lead or musicals. Go in without a biased pro or con like me) tell me if it was as good as the reviews. I just don't want a big musical fan going in and saying 'it's the best wtf, wack!'

The special effects were SOLID, but with constant regular plot holes, boring music and dance numbers, this is nothing more than 'Generic (this WHOLE thing was generic for how 'one of a kind' thing it felt like it was trying to be) Christmas High School Musical: Zombie edition.' Sorry I didn't try to think of another creative way to say it, but this wasn't that creative either. You get what you give.

Anna and the Apocalypse: 3/10.

ps-best part? I thought anna, the lead, was terrible. For the lead, her story arc, acting, and plot developments added nothing to us giving a shit about her. If we don't care about the lead, or the supporting characters are far more interesting, you have a failure of a movie. She's not even anti hero. She's anti....personality. There is nothing original or special about the lead. Who the fuck wrote this and cast her?! Bet she's known for her signing more than acting...but again, the writing for her was tepid.

pps-actual best part? The reviews were saying (spoilers-because everyone basically dies, especially the adults) this is a coming of age story about a high school teen finding her way in a world where all those who supported her were dead. Now she's on her own... It was a MUSICAL. And not even as good as Mama Mia. Get over yourselves. You didn't reinvent the wheel. You cut the crust off bread (and it's still pretty white....and bland.)

[aerimomo-mellon]

Treasure spots you crying over a Drama~

Genre~ Fluff

A/N~ wrote this a long time ago and since I'm back why not start off with a reaction? (and ofcourse cause its treasure)

Hyunsuk

Our cute hype man haha, we all know he is one of the most energetic ( I mean maybe not but his face just looks like he wants to do every single thing in the world ) concluding he just thinks you're very cute.

Would probably sit next to you and give you a warm hug cause we all know our caring leader.

"it's okay, it's okay... I'm the one you should be crying over... hehe"

Jihoon

would be very similar to Hyunsuk although he would probably do something to cheer you up.

for example, maybe tickle you or even carry you to the kitchen to get ya some food. overall, I have a feeling he is just too sweet to see you cry even over a drama.

"if you don't stop crying I won't buy you ice cream this afternoon..."

Yoshi

I find him as such a calm person tbh.. he just smiles and is very quiet. So expecting the same reaction he would just smile...

And you probably thought I was going to write more but this dude won't do anything. The farthest he could even go would be to give you a forehead kiss or sit with you to watch together.

"........"

Junkyu

haha hahaha haha I don't even know why this title doesn't fit him.. you wanna know why??????

cause his cute fucking 엉덩이 is parked right next to you... and guess what he is sobbing desperately...

" I'm not crying something got in my eyes.." then sobs again ...

Mashiho

Because he is very positively mature I have a feeling similar to hyunsuk and jihoon he would be very caring..

would most likely give you a hug and maybe wipe your tears... put some strands of hair behind your ear and smile ... as simple as that...

" you're such a big girl, don't cry over A SILLY DRAMA"

Jaehyuk

He honestly gives me very calm vibes.. (is it only me??) like the “good boy” or even “innocent” . Lol

Would probably tell you to not cry and simply get on with what he is doing.

Not that he doesn’t feel bad that you’re shedding your eyes out.. but I mean think about it it’s not that serious (IT’S A FUCKING DRAMA)

Asahi

I don’t even know what to actually expect from this guy….. cause like .. (ŏ_ŏ)

Although he would say few words like —- “you okay?” (Let’s hope those come out of his mouth) we all like optimism

Concluding. Yup that’s it until you give up and ask him for attention he won’t know tf is going on..

Yedam

Uhh 🙄 I mean he is very sweet.. also like trying his best to calculate the best possible way to make you stop and feel better..

But he remembered he wasn’t interested in maths, worse… a girls emotions..

We all know he ends up singing you a short song to make you feel better cause,, that’s literally everything he could come up with.

Doyoung

Cheerful (knows what to do) 💤

Tries a lot of methods until he finds what’s the best. Probably teases you or even tickles.. if that doesn’t work hugs 🫂.

I find him so prepared lol… like he knows what to do when like unexpected things get in the way.. like you crying like you pet died but it’s just because that pretty girl took your favorite actor..

Haruto

Laughs cause he is just living his awesome swag phase of teen life..

Lowkey tries to make fun of you>.<

But in the end, he is a cheerful bishhhh I mean loves the attention you’re seeking. Jokes some more at the end gives in and hugs ya.

Jeongwoo

is probably freaking out trying to figure out wtf was going on.

actually helps you stop cring later on.

"why are you crying?"

"what do you mean im not...."

Junghwan

very similar to Jeongwoo absolutely no clue lol..

"I'm really sorry if I did anything to you.. I did not mean to make you cry in any way... sorryyyyy..."

Poor baby doesn't even know... it was the showww. when you tell him he gets all shy.

[cherrycheridarling]

'someday maybe' | t.h.

tom holland x singer!reader

warnings: one swear? fluff and angst? kisses

summary: you're so close to finishing your second album when your manager pushes the deadline, your ex tom helps you write the final track.

{listen to someday by michael bublè and meghan trainor (if you want)}

wc: 2.1k

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey,"

"Yes, yes. I know. You are not being a very helpful manager right now, Noelle." you spoke to your phone as you paced around the living room, "Okay. I'll get working on it. Bye." you huffed and threw your phone against the couch.

Your album was due to be released in two months and you needed one more song to tie it all together. Your manager, Noelle, was pushing you to finish the song so she could start the promo of the album.

You were incredibly grateful for your career, but the pressure weighed down on you everyday. Never ending.

With a final groan you picked up your acoustic guitar and sat on the couch. Picking at the strings, trying to find a melody. You hit record on your voice memo app before strumming away.

"Someday maybe when we're old and grey, we can be in love once more. 'Till then I won't give my love away. Darling, I'm forever only yours." you sang softly.

You and Tom had a joyous relationship. A love that only ever existed in movies and fairytales. The type of love story that gets told for generations and onwards. But alas, all good things must come to an end.

Your breakup was calm, serene and clean. A mutual agreement as if your whole relationship had been a business deal. There were no loose ends or jealous passive aggressive remarks made. Just maturity and respect for one another.

Your pinky still held the promise ring he gave you. A token of appreciation. A reassurance that he'd always be there for you. And he lived up to his word.

Tom walked in and sat across from you, startling you, "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Whatcha writing?"

"Need a final song for the album. Sorry for showing up unannounced. I just get better inspiration here, with all the memories, you know?" you timidly looked back down at the guitar.

Tom nodded, "No need to apologize. We gave you a spare key for a reason."

You couldn't stop yourself from spilling the words from your lips, "That was when we were together."

You could hear the awkward silence start to fill the room before he spoke again, "Still our best friend, Y/L/N."

The pain that crossed your features was instant. Being addressed by your last name felt like a stab to the gut. Especially by Tom.

You nodded before playing again, "Can I help you write it?" Tom asked as he sat next to you.

"Dancer, gymnast, actor and now songwriter. How many hidden talents have you got, Holland?" you teased making him laugh.

He shrugged with a smile, "It's kind of like writing a poem, right?"

You pondered on his analogy before slowly nodding, "Yeah, it kind of is. Give it a go."

You began playing the melody and he listened intently for a few moments before singing, "I love seeing you happy. I miss seeing that smile. It's been such a long time. A– Nope. Nope. Nuh-uh. I can't do it." he shook his head aggressively with a loud laugh as you stopped playing.

"No!" you quickly protested, "That was amazing! Don't leave me hanging, c'mon." you nudged him with your shoulder before strumming again.

"Alright, alright." he ran his hands down his face, "And although I don't have you, I know now that I need to?" he paused and gave you a skeptical look before you nodded again, "Somehow make you mine. Mmm."

"Oh, okay. He's giving ad-libs and all. Get it." you nodded as he laughed.

You were so engrossed on Tom actually writing a song with you that you didn't focus on the lyrics he was singing.

"And I won't lie, it's hard seeing you with him 'cause I know he can't hold you like I can." his mood seemed to drop by a thousand as the words left his lips.

"When can we meet this boyfriend of yours?" Harrison flicked your forehead from across the booth.

You, Harrison, Tom and Tuwaine were all sat in the local pub. Pints of beer in front of each of you as loud music and chatting filled your ears.

You shrugged, "He's picking me up, so possibly tonight."

Tuwaine's eyes lit up, "Fina-fucking-lly. I swear you've kept him hidden for years."

"We've only been together for three months, T." you laughed lightly with the group of boys.

And they met him. It wasn't the smoothest of introductions, but an introduction nonetheless.

"Boys, this is Kai. Kai this is Tom, Harrison and Tuwaine." you gestured to the parties as they all shook hands and gave polite greetings.

"So," Harrison started, "What do you do for a living, Kai?"

Kai cleared his throat, "I'm a Senior Resident at Kingston Hospital. Working towards being Head of Pediatrics."

Tuwaine and Harrison both nodded, impressed by his profession. Tom's face remained expressionless as he stared at Kai with cold eyes.

"Do you have any siblings, Kai? Any psycho ex-girlfriends? Any wacky cousins?" Tuwaine joked making everyone laugh. "'Cause Y/N has a lot of wacky cousins."

"We could be in love once more,"

"Hey!" you gasped with a laugh.

Kai pulled you closer to him as he laughed, "No, no wacky cousins or psycho exes, but I do have an older sister and a younger brother."

This game of ask and answer continued on for a few more minutes. Tom didn't say a word, just sipped his beer and burned holes into Kai with his eyes. If looks could kill, Kai would be six feet under.

Kai was a sweetheart, but you two ended ages ago. His work got too much for him and your job had you touring and travelling every second.

You picked up after him with the chorus before diving into your own verse, "I remember that love song. I sang every word wrong, but you didn't mind, no, no."

"I love the things you do. It's how you do the things you love. Well it's not a love song, not a love song. I love the way you get me, but correct me if I'm wrong. This is not a love song, not a love song!" Tom belted the 'Austin & Ally' song from the top of his lungs.

"Your turn!" he pointed the pretend mic in your direction.

You laughed, not knowing any of the lyrics, but still wanting to participate, "I love that you not a licket! And you own a watch and chicken! We got a car!" you sang with full confidence, making Tom burst with laughter.

"Yes! Sing it, darling!" he cheered you on, "Absolutely butchering the lyrics, but sing it!"

"Being stuck inside a car. If it's not a doe, don't kiss it! I can't hear a missing, when there's a shoe inside the ceiling! If you really need to fart, you can lunch on a pig farm! Love song! Love song!" you couldn't even hear the song in the background, your voice overpowering it.

Tom was hunched over from laughing before he came back up and planted a soft kiss on your lips, "You are one hundred percent ridiculous and I love it."

You brought yourself back to reality and sang again, "And I'll admit that I miss you, but only if you do. 'Cause you know that I'm shy. And I can't lie, it's hard seeing you with her. 'Cause I know she can't love you like I can."

Tom's eyes met yours as the words fell from your gentle lips. His mouth was slightly agape as you continued to strum.

"You are absolute rubbish. Imagine coming in eighth. Embarassing." you laughed as you crushed Harrison in a game of Mario Kart.

He shoved you with his shoulder, "You're such a try ha—"

"—It's always the same, Tom! How can I trust you? You follow gorgeous models on Instagram and expect me to trust you?" Nadia's voice cut Harrison's words off.

You looked at him with wide eyes, his expression matching yours.

"Those women that I follow have been my friends for ages. Who I follow on a stupid app shouldn't effect how much you trust me."

You paused the game, cutting off the theme song, "How long have they been fighting like this?"

Harrison sighed, a long groan following, "A few weeks. I think it started when she saw that he liked your Instagram picture?"

You stammered, "M-my post? She got mad about my post?"

Harrison nodded before opening his mouth to speak, but Nadia cut him off again, "And she practically lives here! How do you think it makes me feel seeing my boyfriend play house with a superstar?!"

"Aw, a superstar? I'm flattered." you joked making Harrison stifle a laugh.

"I've been friends with Y/N since we were in nappies!"

"I can't be with you if you're going to be friends with her."

Your laughter abruptly died at her words. Harrison stiffened beside you.

"Y-you can't be serious. You can't make me choose between you and her."

"Why? Because you're gonna choose her?" you could hear her voice crack.

"I-" Tom couldn't make out a sentence for a few moments, "Yeah. I'm gonna choose her."

Your heart fell from it's place, stopping at your feet. Harrison brought a hand to his mouth, "H-he chose you. He chose you!" he whisper shouted before you shushed him.

"Of course. I don't know why I expected anything different. I think I'll be going now." Nadia's footsteps approached the living room.

You and Harrison scrambled to look as if you weren't eavesdropping on their argument/breakup.

Tom followed close behind her, "I'm sorry. I really am."

She nodded, hand on the doorknob, "I know. Goodbye." she stepped out of the house, slamming the front door shut in the process.

Tom let out a breath of relief before turning to you and Harrison who were staring at the Mario Kart home screen with the infamous tune playing.

"You guys are terrible actors."

"'Till then I won't give my love away,"

"I'm forever only yours." the both of you finished the song in unison.

There was a moment of silence before you reached over and ended the voice recording.

"T-that was really good. You can change what I wrote, I know it isn't as good as anything you would've written, but I tried. And it was actually pretty fun and I never knew how difficult songwriting was un—"

"—Kiss me." you cut Tom's rambling off.

His eyes grew wide, "W-wha—"

"—Kiss me, Holland."

He swallowed, a small smile stretching on his lips, "Thank God."

And with that, he leaned in and pressed his lips to yours. Interlocking like missing puzzle pieces. Moving in sync like waves in the ocean. Soft and sweet, but filled with passion. You could feel his smile against your lips causing you to grin.

His hand came up to pull your face closer into his. Caressing your jaw, fingertips playing with the hairs on the back of your neck. His other hand holding your hip in a tight grip. Pressing the pads of his digits into your flesh, scared that you might slip through his fingers again.

One of your hands was pressed flat against his chest. Steadying yourself, the heat of the kiss threatening to throw you off of your axis. Your other hand tangled itself into Tom's curls. Pulling and tugging lightly causing small groans to fall from Tom's lips. Your fingernails scratching his scalp. Pulling him impossibly closer to you.

"I want my ten pounds." Harrison's voice snapped you and Tom out of your make out session.

Him and Tuwaine stood in the doorway, shit eating grins on their faces.

Tuwaine laughed before placing a ten pound note in Harrison's palm, "You guys couldn't have waited until next month to get back together?"

"You two were betting on us?" Tom laughed at his mates who nodded.

You shook your head with a smile, "Absolute idiots, all of you."

Harrison let out a happy sigh and pocketed the money, "Today was a good day. Had a sick ass shoot. Got ten pounds. And my best friends are finally together again." he waltzed into the kitchen with Tuwaine, leaving you and Tom alone again.

Tom's shy expression met your gleeful one before he spoke, "Someday came a lot sooner than expected, huh?" he chuckled.

You nodded with a laugh, "It certainly did and I am not complaining."

He sent you a wide grin before cupping your face and connecting your lips to his again.

"Darling, I'm forever only yours."

[memes-saved-me]

Ok hear me out- the suffer brothers are great and all. The story they have written so far is great and look at all the attention it got. But sometimes they’re put on this pedestal like they’re gods. Yes they brilliant, but they ARE human. All the theories going around talking about ‘What if they made it look like this, for a big twist’ ‘what if they actually didn’t forget wills birthday and it’s gonna be a plot line in s5’ Like cmon, not every single detail in the show is relevant and some big conspiracy. Like how everyone’s mad abt them forgetting wills birthday, shit I would too! They wrote that what?..4-5 years ago?? Maybe longer? Would you remember a small detail like that? Like I’m sorry but the writers are allowed to forget tiny details. It’s not affecting the main plot in any way. Maybe the fans will be mad bc it could’ve been something more, but they are literally human bro. If they come up with some insane twist, props to them. I bet they could. But they are not gods! Some ppl need to give them a break..🥴

Not only referring to Wills birthday, but just all the crazy theories suggesting why certain ppl died, or aren’t dead, etc etc.

I follow this blog that had insane theories abt Billy coming back and at one point believed them, but can we as a fandom just face the fact that maybe the writers actually have never even thought of that? As fans of certain characters, we will pay more attention to them. As writers they are looking at ALL of them. Not the specific tiny details of every single one. That turned into a rant and I wasn’t gonna make this so long but damn it had to be said. My Ted talk is over 🤗

Also I love your blog btw <3

My biggest problem with what you said is the fact they don't rewatch their own show. Like yeah, they created something brilliant and are good writers in some areas and I agree not every detail is intentional or important but they have twisted a bunch of stuff from past seasons to fit s4 and I hate that.

It comes across as careless especially the whole Max and Billy relationship which feels disconnected from S3 as if it didn't happen anf Billy died in S2 when they were at eachother's throats. The forgetting Will's birthday I laughed at but in S1 Winona Ryder had to tell them certain songs hadn't been released yet because they hadn't bothered to do some research. Fic writers do more research than that.

I agree that they're human and aren't masterful geniuses but damn google is right there. They claim they spent all of lockdown perfecting S4 and it was really good but they fucked up certain parts and that's fine to point out.

They're not going to write what we create here and that's fine because I enjoy what they have done and what we have separately. I enjoy their 80s fanboy story and they're not interested in exploring certain characters which is a shame but fair enough.

I do think they get shat on and praised too highly at the same time. Some areas they do brilliantly and others they lack concerningly so but same lol.

Some of the shit fans pull up is insane. They really aren't that thorough and Billy is well dead. I didn't even expect his cameo. That's why people believing Eddie is alive make me laugh. They said he was written to die, that's why he was so likeable. Which in and of itself is lazy because they're scared to kill of the main cast and almost killed Max.

Most of the heartfelt character driven moments are from the actors themselves. Billy's dad, Robin coming out and El's hand on Billy's face. Amazing moments they didn't think of but that doesn't matter because they happened.

I mostly agree with you but I do think they need to at least google a few things every now and then lol

And thank you! I really appreciate that and love that you came to me with your rant. Send me one anytime haha

[ibijau]

I don't think I've seen this anywhere (and if you know of any fics that do have this concept, please link!), but what if the events of MDZS (all media) was actually based on history within a modern AU of MDZS?

So like, as an example, you have people speculating whether or not Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji were lovers or not in the same way people do with some real historical figures today, some theories that say Nie Huaisang orchestrated everything that go mostly ignored by everyone except those in the #NieHuaisangDidIt community because it's Nie Huaisang, who is largely remembered as a relatively harmless sect leader, etc... Some even still think the Yiling Patriarch was pure evil, though the novel, shows, and audio drama have since made this an unpopular opinion to have.

And then there's Wei Wuxian, be it through reincarnation with regained memories or immortality, listening to all of this in the background.

“I'm just saying that you wrote your thesis on him, so of course you're biased,” Jin Guangyao said. “There's no way Nie Huaisang organised all this. Everyone in that period agrees that he was so stupid he could barely do basic additions!”

“I have a phd and I can't count either,” Nie Huaisang countered. “Listen, I tell you, the proof is all there if you just look.”

Of course, they weren’t called Nie Huaisang and Jin Guangyao, not in this life, but Wei Wuxian wasn't good with names. In fact, after centuries of being alive, he was worse with names than he'd ever been. Thankfully, this crowd Lan Wangji and him had become friends with didn't mind at all the nicknames he'd picked for them.

“And I can prove that Jin Guangyao didn't even die, and made a name for himself in Japan,” Jin Guangyao retorted. “There's this Han man who suddenly appears out of nowhere in the Japanese court, claiming to know great magic, and...”

“Yes, I've seen the movie too,” Nie Huaisang yawned, taking another sip of his bubble tea.

Jin Guangyao went red and purple, while Wei Wuxian tried to hide a snicker. If there was one sure way to piss of Jin Guangyao, it was by mentioning that recent movie that had come out, very loosely inspired by a series of blog articles he'd written years ago when he was still a student. The inspiration was loose enough that he hadn't been involved in the process at all, because the scenarist had pretended they just happened to have come to the same conclusion.

It wasn't a bad movie, Wei Wuxian thought. It wasn't a goodone either, but he quite liked the actor who played Lan Wangji in it (Wei Wuxian himself wasn't part of the plot, sadly, on account of being officially dead by then), and the fight scenes were pretty fun. Besides, he felt like Jin Guangyao should have liked it even better than he did.

The actor playing him was the tallest member of the cast after all.

“I hope you choke on your tea,” Jin Guangyao muttered, to which Nie Huaisang answered with a bright grin.

It was about to devolve into a fight (an animated academic discussion, Jin Guangyao would have called it) when Lan Xichen entered the boba place, radiant as always. She ordered her own tea (plain black tea but with extra sugar and the sweetest fillings available, as usual) and sat with them, apparently oblivious to the adoration with which Jin Guangyao and Nie Huaisang gazed upon her.

Wei Wuxian had a bet going on with Jiang Cheng about which man would ask her out first in this life. He also had a bet going on with Jin Ling regarding whether anyone would dare ask her out at all. Wei Wuxian would have tried to help the matter, but Lan Wangji wouldn't allow it, worried for his sibling. A needless worry, Wei Wuxian thought. Lan Xichen was doing well for herself in this life, and so were the other two. Going into academia had been a great way for them to channel their lingering resentment. Their fight had almost never gotten physical in this life.

“I'm sorry for being late, jiejie wanted me to help her order something from overseas,” Lan Xichen apologised, smiling warmly. “I hope I didn't interrupt anything important? You seemed to be chatting, no?”

“We were talking about Guangyao's movie,” Nie Huaisang cheerfully answered.

Jin Guangyao looked about ready to murder him, but Lan Xichen just laughed in that sweet, careless way of hers and in a second both men had forgotten their previous argument.

“Oh, that reminds me, I brought something that might make you laugh,” she said, digging into her handbag. “It's in your field of study... in a manner of speaking.”

She put a book on the table. On the cover were two handsome young men, one dressed in black and carrying a flute, the other in white holding a bright sword. Above them, bold characters professed that this book was called “The Founder of Demonic Cultivation”.

Wei Wuxian's drink went the wrong way, and he nearly died coughing on a tapioca pearl. When everyone was sure that he wouldn't choke so stupidly, they all turned their attention back to the book.

“What's that?” Jin Guangyao asked.

“It's a danmei novel,” Lan Xichen explained, a spot of red on her cheeks. “Jiejie lent it to me the other day, and as soon as I started reading I realised the subject was... familiar. It's about Wei Wuxian. The real one I mean,” she added with a smile to Wei Wuxian who pretended to be fascinated by his bubble tea. “It's, ah... very creative. It takes liberties with some of the events, but, ah, it's very well written.”

“Wonderful, more fiction,” Jin Guangyao muttered.

Meanwhile, Nie Huaisang eagerly grabbed the book and started browsing it with hungry eyes. He had theories about that, too. Mostly, about the exact nature of Wei Wuxian's relationship with Jiang Cheng, which he had once explained to Wei Wuxian with far more details than the immortal would ever have cared to hear... and he hoped Jiang Cheng himself would never hear about it.

In fairness to Nie Huaisang though, his arguments had been very convincing, and Wei Wuxian would have had doubts, if he hadn't been married to Lan Wangji for over a thousand years.

“Oh, Lan Wangji,” Nie Huaisang grumbled, closing the book and sliding it back toward Lan Xichen. “I suppose I see the appeal, but there's really no evidence whatsoever in their case, you know?”

“We know,” Lan Xichen said with an indulgent smile.

“Now, Jiang Wanyin and him, on the other hand...”

“You people are obsessed with romance!” Jin Guangyao complained. “His relationship to Jiang Wanyin was platonic!”

Wei Wuxian distractedly nodded. That was indeed true.

“And so was his relationship to Lan Wangji,” Jin Guangyao added with a disgusted glare at the book.

Wei Wuxian grimaced. That was very much not true.

“From the letters I've read, I think in today's world, the Yiling Patriarch would probably be asexual,” Jin Guangyao argued. “Not that I particularly approve of using modern terminology to describe the sexuality of long dead people, but if you consider everything we know about him, then... are you ok?”

“Peachy,” Wei Wuxian coughed, trying not to burst out laughing. Jin Guangyao's pride was still a delicate thing in this life. “Hey, Xichen-jie, mind if I borrow that book until we meet again? I think Lan Zhan would love it.”

“Sure, I don't see why not.”

Wei Wuxian grinned, and pocketed the book.

Lan Wangji and him were going to have a good laugh that night, as they always did whenever someone wrote a new story about them.

[seventhrounder]

I went thru my folder with old hockey magazines I had saved from around 2011 to 2015 and came across this one and thought it could be a fun to make a post about now in hindsight.

This is Jääkiekko magazine from May 2012, they always have a section of "99 questions with ..." and in this issue they interviewed Teräväinen.

I’ve translated the questions I found interesting under the cut! It ended up being about half of the interview. (*) are my additions.

On the cover "seuraava superjokeri" means the next super joker, he played for Helsingin Jokerit so it's a word play from that. Under, on the blue print it says: "The 17-year-old forward will become a first round draft pick in the summer. The natural goal scorer can dominate in SM-Liiga as soon as next season."

In the 2nd photo the headline and lead paragraph goes:

"A post with dents* - A year ago Teuvo Teräväinen was known only within a small number of hockey insiders. Few passers-by recognize him now either but after a flashy rookie season the Jokerit sensation is on the radar of every NHL team and is a strong contender to become a first round draft pick. Next season with Jokerit the talented second line center will be one of the main talking points in the SM-Liiga."

(*references the net Teräväinen had in his backyard and into which he practiced his shooting)

3. You've been described as a magician, top scorer, wunderkind and a prodigy. What do you think of these descriptions?

TT: Heh, those are some descriptions yeah. What can I really say? Don't really wanna comment on them much.

4. How nervous are you about the Draft?

TT: I try not to be nervous as best as I can. In a way I don't have anything to be nervous about since I don't care which team picks me or at what number I go.

6. Which is stressing you more, English interviews or physical tests?

TT: Maybe both. Bench press (laughs) and English interviews can be tough.

12. How far along have you planned your career with, for example, your parents or your agent?

TT: Haven't really planned things with others but I've thought about them myself. I try to go step by step and not jump too far ahead.

14. How does it feel to be so young with all the star players in Jokerit?

TT: How to say it? I haven't felt like I was young but a part of the team instead. The team's been very good with me and they haven't been looking down at me like: "oh he's young". It's been fun to play in an experienced team.

15. Is there a generational gap between players?

TT: You can see the age difference, older players look older but we're all childish, at least with our topics.

17. What does a 17-year-old do in the sauna nights of the team?

TT: I actually haven't been in any yet. I've always been at national team's camps or something.

19. Did you get the number you wanted?

TT: I did, yeah. I could've taken #18 but Semir (Ben-Amor) has it. But i'm happy with #86, it's good.

23. What are your strengths as a player?

TT: Offensive play and with that playing with the puck, passing, IQ, power play and skill, just the usual skill - skill with hands.

24. And weaknesses?

TT: They are to do with defensive play, strength and physicality. Battles and such but I think I took a step forward last season. That's a good thing.

25. Have you ever been "pressed into a mold" or has your playing style gotten to develop naturally?

TT: As a kid the play was mostly offensive/attacking, I didn't have to think about playing defence. Up until 15 years old, I got to attack pretty freely. Playing defence became more important when I started to play in A-juniors a couple seasons ago.

26. On a scale from 1 to 10 how determined are you?

TT: Maybe 8, feels like an 8.

32. What kind of role are you planning to take with Jokerit next season?

TT: I think a pretty big one. I try to be a top player and not just take others' example but give others example myself too. So that someone in the team can take something out of the way I do things on the ice and off the ice.

35. If you could pick anyone, who would be your car driver?

TT: Nico Manelius for sure. He's been my driver this season. I've had others too, like Riku Hahl but he's not nearly at the same level. Nico’s clearly the best.

36. What are the most important qualifications to be a good driver?

TT: The car is obviously important. Hahl's car is totally awful, he takes a lot of heat for it from the guys too. I wouldn't dare driving with him. Manelius is a steady performer, never lets you down.

38. What sports did you play as a 10-year-old?

TT: Hockey and floorball, probably football (soccer) during the summers at the time too.

42. When did you decide to focus only on hockey?

TT: So when I stopped playing other sports? Three years ago, before that floorball was kind of a side thing, I played a couple of games in the regular season and playoffs.

45. Do you follow floorball or other sports? Go to games?

TT: I don't go to games but I like to watch floorball on TV, it's an interesting sport. Sometimes I watch football too but I don't follow it much. Feels like they never score there.

47. Have you ever played with a wooden stick?

TT: As a kid I did play with a wooden stick.

49. You won the hockey players' golf tournament last summer even though there were more experienced players too. Are you good with all stick games?

TT: Well, I've been pretty good in all of them. I've played golf for a long time and still play it.

50. How is your swing?

TT: Pretty bold, kind of a hockey swing. I don't really care where the ball goes - as long as it goes far.

52. What do you think of off-ice training?

TT: Let's just say it's more stupid than being on the ice but you still gotta do it to be better on the ice.

56. Which word describes your professional relationship (with his coach, Tomek Valtonen), tranquil or colorful?

TT: Colorful of course. At times we're joking around, other times it's more serious but the relationship is really good.

57. Coaching you has been described in many words: good, bad, worse. What are they?

TT: Heh, well... I won't tell them here. He (Tomek) keeps the discipline during practices but sometimes when things haven't gone to a plan I've had to jump on an exercise bike in the middle of a practice.

58. What have been the reasons?

TT: I'll quote Tomek: "when I haven't been present".

59. Have you ever tried to turn the resistance of the bike to zero?

TT: (Laughs) Of course I have and sometimes I've even succeeded.

60. Describe your diet in three words?

TT: Greasy, healthy and good!

64. Your first name is not common for people your age. How did your parents come up with it?

TT: I actually don't even know. Maybe they didn't want a usual Ville*....

(*very common name for men of all ages in Finland)

66. Which of these is the most important: skill, unexpectedness or courage?

TT: Skill!

68. Your longest video game stint?

TT: Six hours, at least. I've played a lot of War of Duty lately.

72. The dumbest thing that has made you upset in hockey?

TT: Probably if I didn't get an assist on a goal even though I should have. Or even worse is if I score and they mark it down for someone else.

79. Have you had any concussions?

TT: I haven't had any, I've managed to always dodge them.*

(*ouch, tho it's good the recent one is his only as far as i remember)

84. In 2011 Team Finland finished in the 5th place at the U-18 tournament. Why only as 5th?

TT: Because we lost to Team Russia in the quarter final, just as well we could have won that game too.

89. You didn't get to be on the ice to accept the SM-Liiga bronze medal (because of the U-18's). When and where did you get it?

TT: I actually still haven't received it, I don't know where it is.

93. What is the population of Helsinki?

TT: There's like 5 million people in Finland so maybe around 500k in Helsinki? (to be exact 596k) Did i really get it right...?

94. Who's the mayor of Helsinki?

TT: I don't know, I barely know the president.

95. Do you think the municipalities in the capital city area should merge?

TT: Luckily I don't have to decide but they probably shouldn't.

96. What do you check first in the news paper?

TT: The sports section.

97. Your favorite tv show?

TT: Putous* was pretty good, I liked a lot of the characters. The grandma was pretty good.

(*Finnish live improvisation comedy/sketch show (there are still new seasons, the latest just finished). Every actor comes up with a humor character with a catchy phrase and one of them wins. "The grandma" is Marja Tyrni and I just got such flashbacks from typing this sentence.)

98. Last book you read?

TT: I don't read many books. The last book was a study book, a Finnish book. I wrote an essay on Tiki (Esa) Tikkanen's biography. An eventful book, great career and a lot of chirps.

99. Who should we ask the 99 questions next?

TT: Riku Hahl could have good stories, he's also seen a lot of the world.

[tsuki-sennin]

Maaaaaaaaaaaan, Revice ended yesterday, and so all of a sudden, these Donbura Dorks decide they have to end their show too, huh? And here I thought we had something special :<

-Aww man, don't remind me.

-"Yes, that finale was pretty poggers and based. My compliments to Mr. Kinoshita and the crew. Now... we have no reason to continue with this charade!"

-Hooray, we all get to go home!

-Haruka can't see herself stopping the whole hero thing, huh?

-"Well, as long as there's a single human being left on Earth, I doubt that the desires that corrupt the Hitotsu-ki will ever disappear..."

-"THAT'S SO NOT TRAFFIC SAFE!"

-Donbrothers is over.

-Pick the MVP!

-Man, I'm gonna miss this absolute banger of an OP next week. ...who even are the new Ranger dudes, anyhow? Are they friends with Mr. Geats already? Is Cosmic Fury gonna air alongside Geats?

-Wait, is this a clip show!?

-Aw son of a bitch, Inoue tricked me!

-...did Inoue even write this episode?

-Hang on, lemme check...

-Saburo Yatsude... that's the pseudonym used by Toei itself. I believe they also wrote the scripts for the Den-O crossover specials and Zenkai Red last year.

-Checked and cross referenced some Wikipedia articles (very cursorily mind you). The only show among the Noto's inspirations to have a Saburo Yatsude "Created by" credit is The Kagestar. This makes me believe that some producer really likes Sonoza, and I can't blame them for that.

-Well, you have been through an awful lot for a teenager, Haruka. A lot of kids fantasize about superheroics, but rarely do they take full notice of the consequences, both social and physical. I'd know, I was one of those kids, writing self-inserts kept under lock and key. Hell, even now, as a 21 year old, I still think it'd be worth it just to have something else going on in my life.

-You're a bit different though. Even if you were basically dragged into Ranger work kicking and screaming, you perform your combat duties very admirably, and still strive for that normal life. Not to mention how far you've come as a person. The Haruka from 25 episodes ago absolutely wouldn't have gone out of her way to help out her teammates the way she's been lately. I'm proud of ya, kiddo.

-Shinichi, did you have to transform between cuts to make your point? Seems a bit extra. Ah who am I kidding, that's just who you are, I wouldn't have it any other way <3

-Let's see... you've definitely haven't changed as much as Haruka has, but there's so much about you that interests me all the same. All the small things you use your powers for to help others, the way you stick to your asceticism despite all the obvious personal risk to your safety, the way even slightly giving into your desires seems to burn you up so quick... remember in Episode 20 when you immediately started living up the hero image? Do you even use your Kibi-Points, I wonder?

-Tsuyoshiiiiii, my man!

-"I kinda am a total scrub... if only I were a cool guy... Heh, guess I kinda got my wish in a way!"

-...and yeah, that's very much like you :)

-Hmmm... who's Mr. InuBrother?

-"Wan..."

-Don't put words in the doggo's mouth!

-Oh shoot, hello Sononi!

-...er... I'm sure Condorman's a pretty cool hero! Kohan Kawauchi's responsible for the creation of Moonlight Mask, Japan's first ever tokusatsu TV superhero, so he evidently knew what he was doing. He also created Warrior of Love Rainbowman, which was an inspiration for Cutie Honey.

-He was also an Islamic convert, which led to the creation of this show called "Messenger of Allah", starring a young Sonny Chiba, of all actors! I was a big fan of him as a teenager, but I don't think I've ever heard of this. Which is crazy to me, because a show like Messenger of Allah is absolutely something that should be explored from top to bottom.

-Sorry, I should be focusing on Donbrothers right now, but... Huh... I keep wondering how shows like these get made.

-Uhhhh... Sononi! You're presenting your case for Tsubasa, right? Yeah, show me.

-Gotta save the love of your life, Tsubasa-san!

-"Who the fuck are these weirdos, this is bullshit"

-Oooooooooooh, Dog Man throwin' shade!

-I have to wonder... the actor playing Sayama, Ryoji Sugimoto... do you think he wonders exactly what he's supposed to be doing as a character?

-Damn, Crane Lady got kicks.

-Yeah, I think that's one of my nicknames for Natsumiho.

-Man, that Momoi Tarou.

-He's one of a kind madman.

-Yeah, guess he really speaks for himself, huh?

-Oh yeah, the Enya Rideon.

-Beeg AND Smol!

-Oh yeah, the headpat lmao

-"Wait, Don Onitaijin is five guys, burgers and fries?"

-I love that little plush doggie they use for Tsubasa, I hope they keep it around when he... maybe or maybe not joins with the rest full time.

-SONOI

-"Now, hold on a moment. ...there's another Don. ...technically two? Or perhaps not."

-"I'm gonna be the strongest hero! Waaaaaaaaah!"

-Dragon Punch! Shoryuken! Dragon! Dragon! Rock the Dragon!

-Tiger Cutter! Tiger Uppercut! Lions Tigers and Bears! Oh My!

-"But nah, my rival is Don Momotaro. And you can't have him."

-Oh shit, Donbrothers MVP time.

-And the winner is Don Kaito.

-YEP FUCKING CALLED IT LMAO

-"I win."

-Shut up Kaito kjlhklghvghjg

-"...why were you all rainbow-y in that stock footage?"

-Awwww, he wants to reward us :)

-"For you all :)"

-Free photobooks :)

-"I was born to be a hero. I've always been a hero. I am the hero."

-Heeeeeeeeeeeeeey, what're you lads doing here!?

-"Jesus Christ, it's been 26 episodes and this shit isn't over."

-"Next time, Sonoza... I will defeat Momoi Tarou! Then Sononi can deal with Inuzuka Tsubasa as she pleases and you can resume your manga browsing with Kito Haruka. Now... watch me blow some bubbles."

-Are we at a water park next episode? Epic.

[torestoreamends]

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child Show Recap: 24/06/17 – Part One

This got so long (17,000 words in total), that I’ve split it into Part One and Part Two. Obviously this is Part One, and you can find Part Two here. 

*

There are a couple of statements I've made in the past that I'd like to address at the start of this recap. 

The first was that I never thought I'd never see the 3rd and 4th of November 2016 show matched in terms of quality or emotion. I'd like to retract that. It was matched, in a very new and different way, and if this is what the cast are doing a month in then I dread to think what sort of shows we're going to see in a few months' time. 

The second, from my first recap of this cast, was that one day Theo would come out and steal the show. I could tell from the flashes of potential that he showed. I didn't know when it would happen, but I said I hoped I would be in that theatre the day it happened. And I'm overjoyed to say that my wish has already come true. That was a whole other level. 

There are some shows that are just special, on some indefinable level. There's an electricity to them, and every single person on the stage seems to sense it and step up their game. I have no idea why they happen. I've been trying to figure out the rule for picking the best shows for the last year. But I think in the end sometimes you just get lucky enough to sit in a theatre and watch a cast collect together as a unit and deliver something that is intensely and beautifully moving. And that was this performance. 

I walked out of Part One in tears, because I've seen this cast come so far in such a short time, and I was so proud and relieved and delighted that the show finally feels polished and detailed and ready. In fact, it feels extraordinary. 

And so, onto some details. I could talk about the cast individually, but I think you'll get the idea as we go along. Let's do this. 

*

Act One 

Scenes One and Two

The first thing I remember about this performance was Theo's voice as he came storming onto the stage for the first line. I think that moment set the tone for the whole thing. It made a real impression, and from that second on, Theo was Albus, wholly and completely, in a way that I have never seen before from any Albus. More on that later (or we'll never make it any further than the first line).

Rupert was really great in this whole show. Brilliant as James, and even better as Cedric later on. I think what was clear from the get go was that this was going to be a show where everyone was bringing it. Sometimes you can tell from the first scene, and this was one of those.

Emma made a really huge impression on me right from the start. I said in my last recap that I loved her a lot, but she wasn't Ginny for me, so this time I was delighted to see that she really was Ginny. There were so many tiny bits of interaction in this scene between her and the rest of the family that I loved. At one point she went over to tell James and Ron off for laughing at Albus, and I adored the interaction between her and Albus and Harry. She was brilliant. 

I can't go a single scene without mentioning Mackley. I noticed him after the transition to Platform 9 and 3/4 just twirling round and round and enjoying his robes. 

You know you're going to get a good show when Harry and Albus give each other a huge hug on the station, and this was one of those. I thought it would never end. It was beautiful. 

Myself and one of my friends came up with a theory that Jamie G's Harry only has physical contact with Albus in the first and last scenes. While this isn't actually accurate, those are the only moments where Albus actively allows his dad to touch him, which is really heartbreaking. 

Scene Three

Helen played Rose's bits at the beginning of this scene a little less wild and excitable than normal, which I actually quite liked. She was great through the whole of the scene really. Brilliant job.

I noticed that James ends up sitting in a carriage with Madame Hooch and Professor Nuno (his character doesn't have a name I know of, so that's the best I can do). They had the most adorable interaction. Nuno kissed Madame Hooch's hand, and James giggled at the pair of them. Definitely some sort of budding professorial romance going on there. 

This is the part where I start talking about Theo. Strap in. 

So I've always loved how Albus lights up like the sun when he sees Scorpius for the first time, and in this performance it was beautiful to see. Last time I saw the show all I could see for most of it was the back of Theo's head, but I'm glad I was sitting on the opposite side of the auditorium for this one, because his face is just so expressive. He does the typical Albus crinkly-eyed smile right from the start, but it's mixed with amusement and excitement and a dozen other things. For example, when Scorpius asks if they'd like some Fizzing Whizbees, he took a step forward with his eyes all wide and enthusiastic, and he kept nodding, because of course he wants sweets. He's not allowed them at home. 

One thing to note in this scene, there were two handshakes between Scorpius and Albus. There was one little one at "That's okay. Hi!" and I was almost disappointed that it was so short, because they've been going on for so long recently. But then they grabbed hands again and did this really long and enthusiastic handshake while they were introducing themselves. 

I will never be over how indignant Samuel's Scorpius gets when his mum is accused of being a Death Eater. He's determined at all times to protect her, and it's beautiful. 

I really enjoy how, once the boys start talking, once Rose is gone, they're left alone in their little world. It's like for a moment nothing else exists. They have these solitary moments on the train, and I love that they can be that for each other. The place where the rest of the world melts away and they don't have to worry for a while. 

I still adore how Theo really thinks about whether he wants to be called Albus or Al. The thinking was less pronounced in this show than it was during the first, and I actually liked that even more, because while he does still carefully consider, it's also a very positive and almost obvious choice for him to go with Albus. 

Transition Scene 

This performance was a master class in how to pick up things which have been dropped on stage while remaining in character. I was really impressed with how the cast handled all four of the incidents, the first two of which happened in this scene. 

Somehow a book (Scorpius's book?) ended up on the floor near where the sorting was happening, and Sarah ran past and grabbed it on the way into the flying lesson scene. Then later, the balled up Hogsmeade Permission Form fell out of Theo's pocket during the wand dance, so Mackley picked it up and taunted him with it. "You dropped your piece of paper!" 

I love how during the sorting, McGonagall has her hands on the boys' shoulders, and gives them each a gentle shove towards the front when it's their turn. It's both caring and firm. Perfect for her. 

The energy in this transition scene was just phenomenal. It came from everyone, and it was fantastic. It felt palpable. 

Rose's 'up!' didn't work in the flying lesson, but Helen handled it really well. In the end she just snatched the broom up and looked defiantly around at everyone. She's Rose Granger-Weasley, of course this is meant to work! No one would dare say a word against her Quidditch abilities. 

Scorpius gave Albus a commiseratory little shake of the head at the end of the flying lesson, like he was sorry he couldn't have helped. 

Rupert did the classic Milligan "Da-ad!" which I've not seen him do before. 

If anyone ever has the fortune of sitting near @the-eighth-story for the show, just watch her reactions whenever James Howard is on stage. They're classic. You will not be disappointed. 

Have I mentioned yet that James Howard is literally the perfect Draco? From his upright manner and silky voice, to the way he perfectly balances seriousness and comedy. It's a really amazing performance. 

There was a really nice bit of interaction between Samuel and Theo during the potion brewing. I loved the concentration with which Albus added the horn of Bicorn, and the little nod Scorpius gave him. They were both trying so hard to focus on it, but it was impossible. 

There's so much pain and resentment in the way Theo says "Everything", and it's the perfect set up for the next little scene. Albus's little tirade there was beautiful. It's not vindictive like Sam's was, nothing Theo's Albus does is vindictive, instead it comes from an intense inner pain. Most of what Theo's Albus does comes from there in fact. 

The way Mark delivered the second Sorting Hat speech was really captivating. I've never before felt so strongly that the Hat was addressing the audience. That first line draw me in so much, and there's such a weight to "you'll learn to laugh if first you sob". I've said it before and I'll keep saying it, I love so many of the things Mark does. And maybe this was the point where I began to be sucked more into the story than I was into watching the acting. 

There was a distinct difference between this show and the last I saw. Last time I was just excited to see the actors doing well. This time I forgot all about anyone doing well and I was mesmerised, for the first time in a year, in the story and in the characters. That was what made it so powerful. The ability to forget that I'd seen this play so many times and just become absorbed in what was going on. 

Mackley is a really great dancer. I used to enjoy watching Jack North in this scene because I appreciated his movement and his commitment, and I feel the same about Mackley, both in this scene and in others. 

"I didn't choose, you know that?" was so broken. An outpouring of anguish. The softness and pain of Theo's Albus makes him exceptionally sympathetic. 

Scene Six

I don't know for sure if Barry was aware that this was the anniversary of Cedric's death (I know Rupert did), but this was definitely one of his most potent performances ever. He's always excellent, and seems to constantly raise his level, but this one had some real bite to it. 

I loved the beginning to the Delphi and Albus chat on the stairs a lot. Annabel didn't do the usual thing of threatening Albus with her wand, instead it was clear right from the start that she was joking around with the "I'm a thief" stuff. It made the interaction a touch more relaxed, and Albus was just amused by her presence right from the start. 

I was a bit sad I couldn't see all of Theo's listening on the stairs routine because of the angle I was at, but I caught the end of it. This cast does some exceptional background acting. More on that later. 

When Delphi goes off to join the Amos and Harry conversation, she gives Albus a little robot wave, and it's really adorable. 

Scene Seven 

I've noticed that in the transition into the blanket scene (and at another moment too, although I can't remember which one, maybe it's in Godric's Hollow?) Theo walks right to the front of the stage and has a moment of connection with the audience. I don't think Sam ever did that on such a noticeable level. I'm still not sure what I think of it. On the one hand I like the direct expression of emotion, but at the same time I wish the focus went straight into the next scene. 

I absolutely loved Ginny's love for her kids at the beginning of this scene. When James came storming through with pink hair she was clearly trying not to smile too much and encourage him, but she didn't seem able to help herself. I also loved the little interaction between Ginny and Harry, when Harry was on his way into the room.

Theo looks so tiny when he's sitting cross-legged on the bed. Tiny and forlorn. 

This is probably a good time to talk about Albus's pain! So I've noticed that Theo takes a very different approach to this scene than Sam used to. Sam's Albus was always a bit vindictive, provocative even. He used to try and almost goad his dad, and the result was that it backfired spectacularly on him. But with Theo, you get a sense that he doesn't want to be arguing, he doesn't want to be fighting, but he doesn't have a choice. He needs his dad to understand how miserable he is, and if shouting is the only way to do it then that's what he'll do. There are moments when you can see Harry's words hurting him and forcing him to take drastic action, for example the packing line, and "I'm not going to rise to your bait". It's brilliant and heartbreaking. I absolutely love the genuine, in the moment emotion that Theo brings to Albus. He was living Albus in this show, and it was amazing.

Another script difference I've noticed in this scene between the two Jamies is: "And maybe I could come and find you -- and it -- on Hallows' Eve". Jamie P used to put the emphasis on Albus (it and you), whereas Jamie G does it by the book. While I adored Jamie P's way of doing it, I equally love the line the other way around, and it works for this father-son relationship. Jamie G's Harry doesn't realise that Albus might want to be found on Hallows' Eve. He makes it sound like it's all about the blanket. And I can imagine that that aches for Albus, and leads to him wanting to end the conversation before it hurts any more. 

I love how Theo's Albus doesn't get up off the bed until things really start to get heated ("Should we bow now, or will a curtsey do?")

The only thing I wanted more of from Theo in this scene was a tiny bit more of an explosion on the second "What?" I like the variation, and the build through that line. Otherwise it was a really exceptional performance. I can't handle having an Albus and Scorpius who can both cry when needed, but that's what we've got, and we're all going to have to learn to deal with it. Somehow. I'd recommend taking lots of tissues to the theatre with you. 

I loved the end of this scene. The most explosive I've seen from both of them. There's a really great gritty quality to Jamie's voice when he shouts. It's more roaring than shouting, and it was used to really great effect here. Theo's shouting is also A+. They don't get nearly as close to each other as Jamie P and Sam did, but that really isn't a problem for me. That distance suits them and their relationship. I don't think Theo's Albus could stand having his dad screaming in his face. It might break him. It's bad enough as it is. 

Albus reels back after Harry's line, and Harry is full of this instant regret. He seems desperate to take it all back right away (just like Draco is desperate to take back slamming Scorpius to the desk in the Voldy timeline), but Albus is already shattered. 

When Albus throws the blanket onto the bed he pauses for a moment and looks at it before running away, like he's considering what he's just done, how he's just disparaged the gift from his dad and what that might mean. But then he seems to decide he's in too much pain to care so he storms out. I love the extra time he takes on that moment. It puts the perfect cap on the scene, and emphasises the importance of the moment when Albus throws the blanket onto the bed. It definitely seems like an action he'd remember. 

Scene Eight 

I'm delighted to report that Mark can definitely now walk down the stairs in those Hagrid shoes. 

Harrison is still my favourite little Harry. At the end of the scene, when the stairs were being wheeled off, he sat down and looked at the cake he'd been given in amazement, trying to take in all this new information he'd just been told. He's a brilliant little actor. 

Scene Nine

I loved Emma's delivery of "yeah, maybe don't be that honest". Perfectly dry, perfectly Ginny. 

This is the first time in the show that Harry hears that Albus just wants to see the real him. It takes him so long for it to actually sink in. The way this whole cast support that arc is brilliant, and it all serves to make the eventual reconciliation all the sweeter. 

It's such a cute little Hinny moment when Harry puts his hand on Ginny's knee as he explains that the quote is from Dumbledore, and then she puts her hand over his. 

Scenes Ten and Eleven 

Poor Mackley is sitting in a carriage all on his own. Why does Karl have no friends? Someone go and sit with him! 

This was the scene where the boys really started nailing it as a pair. There was already so much energy coming out of the transition scene, but here it started to fly. 

Helen is just brilliant. I love her sweet, caring, young-seeming Rose. There's a lovely quality there. She perfectly suits the two boys. They all have this really young, innocent feel to them. And I really do enjoy how she's trying to bond with Albus in this scene and he's having none of it. He keeps pulling away and looking down the corridor to find Scorpius until the moment when he finally breaks through. 

It's beautiful how Albus goes from irritable, jaw all set and square when he's talking to Rose, to just breaking into a huge smile the second he sees Scorpius. It's like he opens up around Scorpius. He spends so much time breaking inside, as does Scorpius, and the moment they're together they can just forget everything for a little bit.  

Albus absolutely despairs of Scorpius during the little bread rant. He keeps looking at him and shaking his head as if to say no, stop, you're embarrassing yourself. But Scorpius pays no attention and ploughs on. 

I don't know about anyone else, but I find it really entertaining to watch the preparation for the hug. I always notice so clearly how Samuel sits down for a brief moment, then stands up again. This is one of the moments where his flaily little hand gestures really shine. 

The hug itself is just perfect, because Albus couldn't be more committed to it if he tried, whereas Scorpius doesn't hug back. I also love the intensity of Samuel's "Do we hug?" There's a bit of pointing between the two of them, and his tone just says 'Albus Severus Potter stop being weird'.

When Albus climbs up onto the roof, Scorpius remained in the train for a moment, looking really hesitant and frustrated. He gestured like he was seriously considering strangling Albus for his impulsiveness, but that he also knew he couldn't leave Albus to his fate, so he followed him. 

Sandy is fantastic as the trolley witch. I don't think I've said this nearly enough. I love her accent, and I love the familiarity of her performance. Also, in this show I noticed the hand swipe she does towards Albus and Scorpius after the jump, which I don't think I've noticed for a while. 

I can't help but wonder whether Scorpius will later take immense pleasure in being right about the train being magical. I can just imagine him during the trek to St Oswald's complaining to Albus, reminding him over and over again of just how bad a idea the whole thing was. 

Samuel did a tiny hesitation before saying Molliare, like Scorpius still thought it was a terrible idea to jump. 

On a partially related note, wouldn't you just love the chance to try diving onto one of those mats in the wings? They always look so squishy and comfy. 

Scene Twelve

I can't tell you much about what the majority of people were up to in this scene because I was watching a. James Howard, and b. @the-eighth-story‘s reactions to James Howard. I'm still not sure which I enjoyed more. 

I've always noticed the group of elder statesmen who arrive through the middle of the scene towards the end of the transition (the Sorting Hat and co), but this time I noticed an equally important looking group of women arriving in from one of the wings which made me happy. I've never seen them before. 

Did I mention Josh's moustache last time? Josh is wearing a fake moustache in this scene and it's hilarious. 

Also, I'm not sure if I've mentioned this already, but I love the little Weasley siblings interaction around Hermione's speech about the battle of Hogwarts. When the subject comes up, Ron comes over and touches Ginny's arm, and they put their arms round each other. It's the perfect way of showing how they're still grieving the loss of their brother. I like that that moment is just about applauding the victory, when so much of this play is about Harry's baggage and the people who died for The Boy Who Lived. I should watch Jamie specifically during that moment next time, because I'm certain he has an equally sombre reaction. 

I say I was only watching James, but clearly that wasn't true cause I distinctly remember Nicola being one of the people who leads the charge from the room. I'm not sure which side she was on (maybe she was on no one's side), but Draco was yelling directly at her at one point, and then she stormed off. 

Alright. Let's talk about James. I love the desolation and anger in his face. I love how you can see Draco's frustration building and building until he can't contain himself. His 'my scar is hurting' this time was a classic. The first time through the phrase was about the normal level of mockery, but he escalated it when he repeated it. I simply adore the posh voice he puts on, that's the perfect slight on Jamie's Harry. At some point I should watch some reactions to that, but I doubt it'll happen any time soon. 

One of the things I like most is how James specifically addresses "his celebrity impacts upon you all" to Ron, and to Ginny, but mostly Ron. It's warning and goading all at once, and it's great. 

Emma's "the sports pages" was super fierce this time and I enjoyed it immensely. 

Scene Thirteen and Fourteen 

I'm pleased to report that I've finally got over the disappointment of the kids not playing the inmates of St Oswald's. Although I'm still a bit upset that we don't get to see James P and Mackley and April and all the rest run around pretending to be old people, the adults are totally smashing it, and it's nice that they get something fun to do in the play that really features them. Also I'm never not going to be a fan of anything that involves Martin in a dress, or that allows Nuno to stretch his acting wings for a bit. 

I still love how Delphi summons Amos's wall, and I equally love that the boys aren't scared when she does it. They really do trust her, even Scorpius. I never feel the intense dislike from Samuel's Scorpius that I did from Anthony's. 

The scene in Amos's room is absolutely one of Theo's top three or four scenes. He's just incredible at it. Each time I've seen it Albus has been filled with more and more confidence and authority. This time around he spent the whole of Amos's speech trying to interrupt and explain himself until the moment when he couldn't handle it anymore and barged his way into the conversation. 

I used to spend this whole scene just watching Scorpius's background reactions, but right now Albus is just as interesting as he gets increasingly more frustrated. It's Amos's accusation of relying on his famous name that gets him most riled up and wanting to defend himself. 

By the way, has anyone else noticed the parallel between Scorpius in this scene and in the maze? In this scene he's questioning whether they're ready to risk their lives, but in the maze scene he's the one suggesting it. I love that character growth. The events of Acts Two and Three have such an impact on him.

Scene Fifteen 

This was another of the great Emma scenes from this show. I think after the first show there were a lot of comments going around about how she and Tom don't feel like siblings, but they definitely do. Their banter in this scene is lovely, and I really enjoy how she's taking care of the whole family here. 

Tom's reaction to "I will tell Mum" was brilliant. Ron looks all taken aback with her, like there's no higher threat and he can't believe she'd stoop so low. 

Scene Sixteen 

I've mentioned this before, but I love how jittery Delphi gets in this scene. She's constantly tapping her feet and glancing at the clock, and looking around to check they're not being watched. I was about to say it's the first sign of Delphi's true nature, but that's not actually true. One of the cool details of Annabel's performance is that when she's in the background of the earlier scenes with her hood up, she's constantly watching Albus. She was on the platform at one point, keeping an eye on him. Really sinister. 

The Polyjuice transitions were super smooth during this show. Last time I saw it I think Rakie's head got a bit stuck, and it took ages for her to find the hole of the robes, but this one worked really well, and it was the same for the boys too. 

One of the things this cast does really well is how in character the adults are as the kids. Rakie in particular is totally channelling Delphi once she's transformed. She does a lot of Delphi's giggling and tongue sticking out. She was going for it so much in this performance that I actually couldn't focus on the boys' dialogue before their transformations. 

This is another scene where the original cast did not stick to the script. Every time Jamie G says "I be him and you be Ron" I panic that he's got the line wrong, but nope. Jamie P just said it in his own random order. 

Scene Seventeen

I finally managed to pay attention to Harry's reaction to the "My son is missing!" exchange. He sort of buries his face in his hands, like the full enormity of what's happened is hitting him, and he's realising that this really is all his fault because of what he said to Albus. He's finally said it out loud, and now he regrets it more than ever. 

James's Draco never makes it to the word "heir". He doesn't need a look from Ginny or anyone else to know that Scorpius is so much more than his heir. Scorpius is his family, his son, and he's heartbroken by the loss of him. 

Scenes Eighteen and Nineteen 

I have several favourite things from the baby or a holiday scene. 

Number one -- I love that Albus has clearly never kissed anyone before. He goes in with his arms pressed to his sides and it's the most awkward thing ever. 

Number two -- The way Tom plays Albus's reaction to kissing Hermione. He goes off into his own little corner and starts wiping his lips and pulling the most disgusted face. 

Number three -- (I promise these aren't all Tom things.) The forlorn way Albus stands in the doorway, hands by his sides, head bowed, looking small and like he doesn't know what to do and he doesn't quite dare stand up to his aunt. 

Number four -- Jamie Glover is absolutely spectacular at the end of this scene. One of the best comedic moments of the whole play actually. He plays it perfectly. When the attention switches to him he looks between Ron and Hermione like he's absolutely appalled and has no idea what he just saw happen, then he walks really stiffly away, like 'this didn't just happen... I'm not scarred for life... everything is fine'. It's hilarious. 

I've just realised the one thing that the original cast did by the script but the new cast don't! Rakie never leaves the stage before the "you are off the scale" line, even though that's a specific stage direction. It works quite well with Jamie exiting alone, but it is weird to find something that this cast doesn't do by the book.

Again, I really enjoy the way Rakie, Tom, and Jamie work together on the first riddle. It's very nicely done, and they do a great job of pointing the audience towards the right answer. 

Samuel's celebrations at getting the book back are always really good. I think this one involved sticking both his hands in the air in delight. I'd heard that Theo also did really great celebrations, including a pirouette one time, but sadly we didn't get one of those at this show. 

I remember really loving what Theo did once Albus saw that Scorpius and the book. I can't remember the expression on his face, but I remember watching him and thinking it was great. 

*

My overriding impression of Act One was just of accomplishment. The cast felt solid, and there was a detail and richness to everything that I hadn't seen before from them. They did an exceptional job really. And Theo was so consistently brilliant that when @thatwasdramatic and I met in the loos we just hugged each other as tight as we could without even having to say a word. 

With this cast, their Part Two has always been vastly better than their Part One, so I didn't expect anything so spectacular in the first half. I especially didn't expect the Act Two that I was about to see.

Before this show I still didn't totally trust the cast to be continually amazing. I went into Act Two thinking that while Act One was great, it might have just been a fluke. There's been an inconsistency the first two times I saw them. Some scenes a lot stronger than others, just because of rehearsal time. So I started Act Two with a bit of nervousness, about some cast members more than others, but that was very quickly blown away completely. 

*

Act Two

Scenes One and Two 

Elizabeth is so brilliantly consistent across all the roles she plays. I absolutely love her Petunia. I think she hits exactly the right note.

Emma and Theo almost hit their mark for the effect with the light shining on their faces. Almost. I think the light ended up on Emma's cheek and shoulder, which was a bit of a shame. That's one of my favourite moments in the show. However, Theo's yelling for his dad was A+. I had started this act with my fingers crossed for him, but quickly realised that that really wasn't necessary. 

I love the way Emma says "You were", in response to Harry's comment about how he was sleeping. I've seen it be almost a question in the past, but when it's said as a statement it's almost like Ginny is reassuring Harry, telling him that yes, he's okay, it was just a nightmare. 

Scene Four

The first thing Theo did in this scene was not manage to catch the wand. It sort of shot out of his grip and he fumbled it between both hands to try not to drop it. It gave Delphi's line about him getting it now a different sort of twist, overly optimistic, instead of just relieved and positive. 

The second Expelliarmus he didn't even try to catch. He sort of cheated it and pulled it out of his sleeve himself. In the past I've complained that we never see Albus fail a spell, but we definitely saw it in this show, and it made the moment of disarming Cedric all the more triumphant. 

The wizzo hand wiggle was somehow even more ridiculous in this show? There was a sort of pause before it that really emphasised it. 

In case anyone's interested, there's an added line in this scene. Delphi now says: "I'll just keep in the background and try to look clever. Ooo, maybe I could pretend to be a dragon tamer!" The 'try to look clever' is an addition to the script. 

I love how you can see in Delphi in this scene that she's terrified of being out of control once time changes. She knows she won't be the same, and she can hardly handle it. The fidgeting, the panic, and her final attempt to convince Albus that he needs to find her and trust her once time changes. 

I also love how Theo looks genuinely all pale and red after the kiss, just sort of discombobulated. And Samuel delivers that line brilliantly. He delivers every line brilliantly, let's be honest, but the little lean in and emphasising how ridiculous his best friend looks at that moment. 

And then my favourite fact about the end of this scene is that, despite the kiss from Delphi, despite everything, Albus still takes the opportunity to wrap his arm round Scorpius as they run off. Because Theo's Albus cannot keep his hands to himself for even a second. If there's a Scorpius in the vicinity, that Scorpius is getting hugged. 

Scene Five 

I managed to spot individual faces in the Forbidden Forest scene, which might have been due to a lighting error? Anyway, I spotted Mackley looking for Scorpius and Albus, so that was nice. 

The reason I think there was a lighting error is because I have been informed by people who were sitting more centrally than I was that you could see Bane's back end in this show. This is the second time I've heard of this happening in the last few weeks. Thankfully, however, I was at an angle to stage where Bane's back end was blocked out by the trees, so it didn't bother me. 

The one thing that frustrates me with this scene is the lack of nuance in Jamie's calling for Albus and Scorpius that bookends the conversation with Bane. It's all on one level, and I wish he'd be more scared about searching for his son. Other than that, this scene is great, but I want more of the searching, especially at the end when Harry's just found out that his son is in danger.

Scene Six 

There was a scarily long gap at the start of this scene before the black curtain came up and the boys stepped forward. But once they got going absolutely nothing went wrong. 

This was the scene where I started crying, and then didn't stop for the rest of the Act. I think it was a combination of it being my anniversary show, and the way the boys delivered the scene that set me off. 

The first time I saw this cast, there was a wonder in the way Samuel played it, and it was so genuine and beautiful. And even now, a month later, he still has that genuine sense of awe, and Theo is delivering a similar thing now too. 

This was another of those scenes where I was mostly focused on Theo, because I didn't have the opportunity to watch him last time, and I loved the expression in his face. At first he was just looking out, almost caught up in Scorpius's excitement, then when he got to "it turned out to be terrible after all" there was something in his face. It wasn't a hardness, but there was more of a set to his jaw. Theo's Albus spends so much time smiling, but there wasn't a hint of a smile there. And then the second his dad was mentioned it turned to pure horror and he looked away from Hogwarts and right at the Scorpius. But then Scorpius said how Albus was his best friend, and again it was like the sun coming out, relief and delight. 

When Albus tells Scorpius that he's his best friend, he grips him by the shoulders and looks him right in the eye. 

Scene Seven 

Tom Mackley needs to work on his French or Fleur will never love him. That's all I have to say on that topic.

Josh's search for Mackley in the crowd still continues. This time he popped out of the crowd where Mackley normally is and discovered he wasn't there. So he had a quick chat to someone (I think it was April) before diving back into the crowd again, and this time popping out right where Mackley was for a hug. 

For the first time in ages I actually managed to pay attention to the boys in this scene. They were doing such a good job that even Mackley couldn't properly distract me. 

Scorpius looked so excited to see Rose there, bless him. He lit up almost as bright as Albus does. And then after that he and Albus did the murmuring to each other where Scorpius apologises for messing up. 

I don't think Samuel's mic was working for one of his lines. It sort of cut in halfway through. I could hear it because I was near the stage, but it was fairly essential as it was the explanation that the Time-Turner was going on. Thankfully, in the last few weeks Samuel has figured out how to correct mistakes without drawing everyone's attention to them. He calmly repeated the lines a bit later in the scene, just before Albus collapsed, and it worked so well that I almost thought I'd misremembered the script. 

Theo's falling to the ground and screaming was amazing. This cast are really good at the spark effect. I always feel like it's timed to a tee. It happens three times in the show (Albus's arm, the chair in the duel scene, and Ron's leg), and each time the spark really flies and is really visible to the audience. It always happens at the perfect moment to give it the most outward trajectory. 

The end of this scene is one of the exceptions to the rule that Harry never touches Albus. Actually here, when Albus collapsed, he was looking right at his dad, and Harry was the only one there to catch him. He wrapped his arms round him and held him up so firmly. It was perfect. 

Scene Eight 

All Harry's mistakes in the second timeline are just attempts to fix the things he did earlier really, aren't they? When Dumbledore says about looking for what's wounding him, Harry's already been reflecting on what Ginny told him. "Haven't I seen him as he is?" He thinks he's already got Albus sussed, even though he really hasn't. My point is, the clarity with which this cast play out this arc is getting better and better, and more complete, by the performance. 

Jamie definitely ate the chocolate in this performance. I don't know if he always does, but I could see and hear him chomping. 

I think the biggest difference between the last show and this show, in terms of Theo's acting, was that in this show it didn't feel like he was acting at all. He was living Albus's pain and despair in every single second. He was Albus, wholly and completely, and it was the most amazing thing to see. Even his posture had changed and become freer. I know what it looks like when it's Theo on stage and not Albus, and in this show there wasn't an ounce of Theo anywhere to be seen. 

There was one moment in particular where Harry was in full angry flow, and Albus was just looking up at him and clearly breaking inside. The juxtaposition between the two, the solid wall of Harry's intent, and Albus's soft, desperate sadness, was so painful and beautiful. It was the perfect example of Harry not seeing his son, and you could see that Albus felt it to the core: ignored, shut out, misunderstood. That was the only reason he threatened to run away again, because it was the only way to make his dad pay attention. 

One of the things that this cast does, which the originals didn't do, is that they stick rigidly to the script. I saw the originals drops bits of lines, or even add words to the ends of lines if they were meant to be interrupted but hadn't been yet. Sometimes that rigidity works, and sometimes it doesn't. I think it depends on the day and the actor and how in character they're being. A perfect example of it working was Theo's: "The robes were... the whole thing". On this occasion he felt lost for words, searching for the right way to explain without giving himself away. It would be easy for those to sound like they're coming from the script, but this time they didn't, and I was really happy about that. 

Harry just totally doesn't notice Albus's comment about not fitting in at Hogwarts. He's so absorbed with the Scorpius train of thought that he ignores what's staring him right in the face. How miserable his son is. 

I love how Jamie plays Harry's authority. In this scene he planted himself squarely on the stage, hands on the back of the chair, glaring at Albus. He really uses his posture as a weapon. It's weird because I never noticed the original cast's posture, but with this cast I really do. I've heard people talk about how this cast are more physical than the originals, and while I'm not sure I agree with that statement across the board, there are certainly some physical aspects that really stand out to me, like posture. 

Scene Nine 

I loved the moment where Albus tries to assert himself. Albus took the innate authority that he's inherited from his dad and tried to spin it back on Harry, drawing himself up all tall and powerful. But the second Harry headed him off he sort of crumpled again. 

When Scorpius appeared on the stairs I noticed that Albus didn't actually look at him once. It was like he couldn't bring himself to do it. It hurt too much. He gave a cursory glance over his shoulder, but made no effort to actually meet Scorpius's eyes, which was heartbreaking. 

Scene Eleven 

Mackley turns round and does a sarcastic little clap at Albus when he starts losing points for Gryffindor. 

Rake is so unhinged in this scene, it's amazing. Hermione isn't angry so much, just sort of completely shattered. Not even a bit of herself. She's all over the place, and seems on the verge of tears the entire time. She goes from these hysterical little giggles to shouting to having to compose herself so she doesn't cry, and the whole time she's just sort of shaky. I also noticed in this scene that her wand has a curve to it, so when she holds it like a knife it really does look like a lethal weapon, although she never threatens Albus with it in the way Noma or Nicola would. 

When Rakie says "you're invisible friend" she puts this little lisp on, totally mocking Albus.

So @thatwasdramatic has this theory that when Theo is on fire he doesn't kick his stool nearly as far. In this show it barely moved the first time (it sort of fell and hit the desk and bounced back), and the second time it skidded about an inch but stayed upright. So the theory has yet to be disproved. (It's also likely that someone told him to stop trying to kick the stool into the audience, which I appreciate on behalf of everyone who ever sits in Row A. I can't imagine it would be fun having that thing fall on your head.) 

Hermione's final speech in this scene was brilliant. She was such a mess, so unable to get her words out or keep focused or anything, that when Rakie got to the words "a projection of all your most positive feelings" she actually got a laugh. Hermione had no positive feelings in this scene. The irony was brilliant. 

Scene Twelve 

I cried again. Because how could you not with these two? 

Albus was just a tiny little broken shell, and Scorpius wasn't much better. I actually think it was one of the most beautiful staircase scenes I've watched. 

Theo has stolen the thing Sam used to do where he'd wipe his eyes while walking under the staircase where Scorpius is sitting, but in this show he was actually crying while he did that. He buried his face in his hands and I heard this broken little sob, and it was the most awful thing. 

At the end of the scene Samuel starts walking down the stairs, a step at a time, in perfect timing with the music, looking desperately at Albus who can't look back. 

I've been told by people who could see into the wings Theo's wheeled off into, that at the end of the scene Albus crumpled onto the stairs and buried his face in his hands and sobbed. On my side, I saw Samuel sit down on the stairs and sort of stare down at his feet in despair. I later noticed him adjusting the Time-Turner pouch, in case anyone's interested. 

I think this is a good time to explain why this show was equally as good as the 3rd and 4th of November, but in completely the opposite way. On the 4th, the adults in Act Four particularly broke my heart. There wasn't a scene where they weren't all in tears. It got to the point where you needed the boys to come back on stage just for some respite from the overwhelming emotion. And this show was exactly the same, except in this show the overwhelming emotion came from the two boys in Act Two. I was desperate for the duel and McGonagall's office for a bit of respire. Every single scene they spent in tears, and the level of acting from both of them was just astounding. It was a privilege to watch. 

Scene Thirteen

I still love how Emma's "saved by the door" is a threat to Harry, not Ginny being relieved. 

James is so smooth in this scene. Smooth and to the point. It's the perfect example of businesslike Draco. It does it at just the perfect pace. So purposeful. 

The last show I saw I finally managed to spot the hand holds on the back of Jamie's suit jacket. Draco has on an extra coat in this scene, which has the straps for the lifters to grab, but I'd never managed to spot Harry's before. 

James always says "you've threatened both teacher and Albus himself", whereas in the script it's plural. I wonder if it'll get changed in the definitive edition? Technically we do only ever see Harry threaten one teacher. 

The duel this time was a lot slicker than the first time I saw it, and Jamie is definitely nailing the Flipendo now. His landing was no more awkward or hard than Jamie P's ever was.

My favourite bit of the duel was the Mobilicorpus. I'm not sure who was doing the lifting (I'm just going to assume it was Nuno), but they were totally going for it with slamming Jamie into the table. Also I noticed that he seems to do really big gestures during this, and I wonder if whoever is playing Harry is the one controlling the speed of it. In this particular show the speed was quite slow, although like I say, the slamming itself was brutal.

Scene Fourteen

Delphi entered this scene with her hood up, which was a pretty cool throwback to her earlier stalking of the boys through the background of the opening scenes. 

Samuel's reaction to hearing she was too ill for Hogwarts was really sweet. Scorpius seemed a tiny bit stunned by it. He sat down on the stairs and immediately started paying a lot more attention to her. It was a really sympathetic gesture, like he was getting ready to listen to all her problems.

When the other student walked past, Scorpius not only hid Delphi with his legs, but he actually draped his robes over he back to hide her, and tried to look all cool and casual, sort of patting her back and trying to pretend everything was fine. Albus and Scorpius should not be allowed to attempt to look casual. It just doesn't work for them. 

I love how miserable Samuel's "oh" is, when he hears that Delphi is there to sort out him and Albus. It's sort of hard and not at all receptive. Scorpius has no desire to do anything to do with Albus. 

Scene Fifteen 

James and Jamie make a really big thing of putting their wands down on the table at the start of this scene, which makes it even more entertaining, especially with Emma giving them a 'go on, behave' look. 

Draco looked at his wedding ring the second he started talking about Astoria. It's like James just can't help himself. He's determined to break our hearts with that thing. 

I really love how James's "Don't lose the boy" is quite soft but still authoritative and commanding in the most Draco way. I think he got to his feet for that line, and was sort of hunched over the table, looking at Harry and pointing at him. 

It really did feel like Harry was leading the way to get the Floo Powder in this scene. He had the time to think, and then he was the first to reach for his wand and get to his feet, with the others following close behind but not too close. 

Scene Sixteen 

I have never, and possibly will never again, see such an incredible version of this scene. It was the perfect storm of both Samuel and Theo giving absolutely everything at the top of their game, along with an audience who were clearly so deeply invested in the story. 

I often think that the mark of a good audience is how much they applaud, how much noise they make for the tricks and things. But in this case we had an audience that was 100% invested and committed in the story, and you could hear a pin drop during this scene. You could feel the energy in the room and it was electric. In a way, that level of intense investment is just as important as applause and laughter, and I'm really glad I was there to experience it.

We had the classic little giggles at Scorpius's crush on Rose, which just proves that it's all down to how ridiculously Samuel emphasises it in this scene.

I loved how when Albus interrupted Scorpius's speech about who took who to the Yule Ball, it was out of irritation. He knows all this! He doesn't need Scorpius lecturing him about it. Scorpius may be the history nerd but Albus reads books too. Except clearly he doesn't in this universe, because he still has no idea what's going on. 

The audience loved Scorpius's "I'm pretty sure your dad is exactly the same". 

Samuel and Theo don't get nearly as loud in this scene as Sam and Anthony used to. They almost don't deserve to be told off. They could have been a lot rowdier. However, they definitely escalated the volume a lot more in this show than I've seen before. 

I could see Albus's fixation on the task in hand during the last few lines before Scorpius's explosion. He was throwing in Rose's name just to appease Scorpius, but really it was all about Cedric. He's still preoccupied with his dad, still desperate to do the right thing and get his dad to pay attention to him. He wasn't even thinking about Rose before Scorpius started talking about her, and she's only part of the plan because Albus doesn't want to do this alone, but Scorpius won't help him if she isn't involved. 

The boys were really going for it with the wrestling in this one. I think they wrestle for a lot longer and with a lot more commitment than Sam and Anthony used to. Theirs was almost a cursory little back and forth, but this is a proper fight. 

And then we hit Scorpius's speech, and both sides were just incredible. Their dynamic on stage is very well matched. They have the perfect amount of give and take between them, and they let each other have their moments, while continuing to act their socks off even when it's the other person's moment to shine. In this scene there was a moment where I looked between the two of them and just thought wow. Here we have two exceptional young actors, who right now are matching each other in terms of performance, and helping each other give their best. This is rare, and this is special. The talent on display in this scene on Saturday was mind blowing and really emotional. We're really lucky as fans and as an audience to be able to see these two together. They're going to give us great stuff over the next year. It's really exciting. 

On one side of the equation you had Samuel, breaking down harder than ever. I couldn't see his face but I could hear the tears in his voice. Scorpius was just falling apart completely. I always valued James Le Lacheur's performances for the emotional commitment to this speech, and Samuel does the exact same thing. He pulls himself apart and loses it in this moment, all the pain flooding out from behind that thin, fragile Malfoy front. 

And on the other side of the equation you had Theo, silent apart from the interjections (which were spot on in terms of delivery), but saying so much with just his face. It was a captivating bit of acting. He started off really hard and closed off, because how on earth could Scorpius's life be worse than his? And how dare Scorpius tell him to be okay with something so painful as the bullying he faces every day? But then Scorpius starts talking about his mum, and Albus's face just transformed. It immediately softened and broke, as he understood the anguish and realised what he'd done to his best friend and felt absolutely horrified by it. 

I'm pretty sure they were both crying by the end of the speech, and when Albus went to get the Invisibility Cloak, the lines were all cracked and fragile and broken. 

We had a brief moment of respite while McGonagall was searching the library, which was much needed because I at least was in tears. 

When the boys came back out, Scorpius sat stony faced while Albus talked about the cloak. But then the second Albus said sorry, with this heartfelt desperation, Scorpius turned to look at him in amazement. It was like despite everything he didn't expect Albus to actually apologise. Maybe he expected him to leave again, but it definitely wasn't for him to say sorry like that.

One thing I love about Theo's Albus is that he's so full up with pain, you can see it inside him the whole time. He's lost and aching and so upset, and it hurts him so much, but when he realises that someone else needs help, he finds the room in his heart to reach out to them. He does it for Scorpius and he does it for his dad too. He still has so much love in there, even though the pain is welling over. I think that's my favourite thing about the character he's playing. 

The apology meant that Scorpius's little "thanks" was really genuine, and it was accompanied by him trying to tidy up some of his tears a bit. 

Again, I absolutely love how hearing that Harry's department is investigating the rumours is Scorpius's worst nightmare. That destroys him. But Albus immediately leans in to reassure him that no. There's no way they can find anything because Scorpius is so good. 

I adore how Samuel's Scorpius recovers from the depths of his despair so quickly. He goes from crying to mocking Albus in about a second. It's very sweet. 

Samuel pronounces every single letter in the word 'always'. He stretches it out and makes something really important of it. 

When Albus says he’s had a really good idea, Scorpius was so irate about him not getting the conversation they’d just had that he dropped to his knees and flailed his hands in the air in disbelief. Despite this, Scorpius ended up genuinely impressed with Albus's strategy. Poor naive boy. He should know by now that Albus's plans are terrible. 

The way Albus said "I can do it without you -- but I want you there," in this show was just perfect. It didn't sound like he actually was convinced he could do it alone. He desperately needed Scorpius with him. Also, it's the perfect turnaround from the train, where he knows he'll mess up if Scorpius doesn't come, so he forces Scorpius to come, but this time he knows he can do it, but gives Scorpius the option to join him anyway. And of course Scorpius agrees to come. 

Scene Seventeen

I don't think I was paying attention to this scene because I was still recovering from the library. I remember tuning in sometime around the 'friends' exchange, and thinking that the way Tom played it was beautiful. There wasn't the awkwardness, Ron was just sort of rambling away about friends and then slipped, which destroyed Hermione. It didn't feel like there was a barrier between them as such, it just felt like they were each playing a part, and suddenly the mask slipped and everything underneath was laid bare. It was really lovely

At the end of the scene, as he was wheeled out into the wings Ron walked down the stairs, then back up the stairs, then back down them again. It was like he had no idea what to do with himself. I heard from people with a more central view that Hermione was breaking down in tears in the other wings. 

Scene Nineteen

Scorpius was so impressed with his "Engorgimpressed", and Albus just looked across at him and shook his head because no. No Scorpius. 

When Myrtle showed up Albus was just getting ready with this big smug look to reveal his grand plan, but as soon as he'd taken a breath she showed up and stole his moment. He seemed the tiniest bit miffed, but mostly just like well, this is as good as anything I could have planned. 

I don't know I've mentioned this before, but at the first stage door, April told us she practiced her Myrtle voice in the kitchen while she was cooking, just sort of random gurgling and meaning. It totally worked. 

It has not escaped my notice that Myrtle looks directly at Albus when she says the "and boys" part of "girls and boys doing love incantations in this very bathroom".

Before I knew there was Gillyweed, but I'd never properly seen it. I'm still not sure what they use, although apparently the sweets in Scorpius's bag at the start are Haribos, and the Gillyweed looked kind of like some kind of jelly sweet. 

I have never felt this way before, but when Albus disappeared into the sink I was genuinely disappointed that we wouldn't get to see him again until halfway through Act Three. Theo had done such an incredible job. 

I love how Myrtle beckons the adults in like she's going to tell them what the trinket is, but then just whispers that it's a secret. 

When Harry turned round to talk to Ginny and Draco and McGonagall, Myrtle kept her foot right by his head for the longest time, almost touching him, just sort of floating there and considering stroking it against his face or something. It was hilarious. 

Draco gets really fired up the second the Time-Turner is mentioned. The poor guy has been keeping the secret for so long and suddenly the other one is out and about and he must be terrified of the implications. 

Scene Twenty

Mackley is still double Scorpius for now... Henry has to take over at some point right?

Scorpius's delight when he comes out of the lake is adorable. Bless him. 

When Elizabeth walks out as Umbridge she sort of holds her coat out of the way so you can see the dress underneath. It's exactly the sort of grand gesture Umbridge would make. 

Samuel's interactions with the Dementors at the end of Part One are excellent. He gives each their time. Scorpius seems to get sucked into first one, then the other, and when he gets free he does this jerk of his body, like he's falling away from them. 

*

I couldn't cheer at the end of Part One because I was crying too hard. I made it out of the theatre and tried to explain to the people I was with exactly what that Part had meant to me, and I ended up sobbing again.

The reason I cried wasn't only because the show was brilliant, but because the cast felt like a cohesive unit, doing a beautiful and detailed performance of the show I am absolutely in love with. My thoughts throughout that act were that they're ready, they're good, they've finally made it. They were finally doing themselves the true justice I knew they could. And more than that, I was watching the show instead of the actors. I wasn't smiling because they were acting well, I was caught up in the emotion of the play. For the first time in a year I was mesmerised by the story. And it was a truly incredible experience, which was just capped off beautifully by the brilliant Part Two to come. 

[dreamerandcrazy]

Ok, so I haven't been able to comment much on my Riverdale rewatch mostly bc i'm watching it with my boyfriend and we have an agreement of no cell phones when we're watching, otherwise we can't pay proper attention to it. But I wrote down some notes about the episodes I did watch (I watched up until ep 6, which is very ironic bc apparently today is its anniversary, so yay for my perfect timing). I actually remember most of the stuff that happened in s1, so here's mostly a few things I paid more attention to or noticed about the characters and the ships, or things i'm able to look at through a different view now that i've watched all the seasons. Strap in if you want to see my notes, if not just scroll please, no ship or character hate here please. Also, feel free to ignore, this is really just a personal look in some stuff I didn't notice in my first watch.

- Betty's character used to be much happier and lighter in season 1. I know we're introduced to "Dark Betty" right in episode 3, but still, I feel like the way Lili played Betty in season 1 did not hold the same "darkness" as it does in the following seasons. The scene where she is dancing happily in her bedroom because she's going to homecoming with the boy she likes? The scene where she introduces Jughead to the Blue & Gold and gets him to work with her? Her genuine innocent happiness at seeing her sister again after so much time? The way she interacted with Kevin and Veronica? Those were all chef's kiss because she actually feels like a teenager in them. In all her girly glory, she radiates youth energy and it's a thing that was sadly lacking after s1. Btw this is not a critique at Lili's acting at all, I blame it entirely on Ras and his obsession with dark Betty.

- There's actually so many indications of Cheryl being a lgbt character in the first episodes that I have no idea how I missed it the first time. But then again, there were many indications with Veronica as well, and sadly that's not the path Ras chose for her.

- Jughead in s1 is truly so superior in so many ways that it's not hard to see why he quickly became such a fan favorite. I think even if he wasn't played by Cole Sprouse, he still would have conquered many fans' hearts. Sadly, the things that made Jughead such a loving and interesting character for me also fizzled out in s2 when the writing team decided to make him a woke serpent leader instead of allowing him to sticking to his true personality as a passionate mystery lover, a dedicated friend and very nerdy, which was very cute. I feel that we got some of that back for him in s4, which was good, but sadly s1 is where my love for him really stayed to stay. But I still care for him, and s5 has a promising storyline for him which i'm excited about, so let's see if s5 Jughead can become better than s1 Jughead.

- Going back again to Cheryl for a sec, I just noticed that the red lipstick actually wasn't that common for her in s1? At least not in the first five. I wonder when did it start becoming her trademark? Anyways, it's actually a really good look her and allows you to appreciate Madelaine's natural beauty even more.

- Also, did anybody notice how Alice lowkey figured out who killed Jason in ep 2 lmao, like... in episode two she legit says she wouldn't be surprised if the Blossoms themselves had killed Jason, which... is what happened LMAO, considering we know it was his father. And even more hilarious and tragically ironic note, in ep 6 she's laughing at Betty suggesting that Hal killed Jason because "do you think your father has the stomach for it?!"... Ma'am... i'm-.... 😂😂😂😂.

- This rewatch has reminded me of how much I adored and how I much I miss Josie and the Pussycats. The girls were such a nice addition to the cast, and their songs were so beautiful. I truly wish we get to see them again someday, but at the same time I also think the actresses deserve to be at a work place where they're given the treatment they deserve and not completely ignored and treated like extras.

- Archie/Valerie was super cute and is very underrated in the fandom, but i'm glad Valerie stood up for herself and didn't take any of Archie's or Cheryl's sh*t. Still sucks because they were really good together, though.

- Why was Jason not allowed to talk, lmao? Like, i'm sure it's become a running joke in the show at this point, but back when season one was airing what was the excuse for it? He appeared in so many flashbacks and scenes and we still never heard a single word ☠️☠️☠️☠️. I just want to know what was the reason lol.

- I liked s1 Reggie, but I feel like Charles Melton's Reggie is better because he actually feels like a douche with good intentions lol, and he has more of a personality. Most of the time I even forgot about Reggie in s1, but after s2 he definitely made me more aware of him. So for that, I like Charles Melton's Reggie more. But the actor from s1 still did a good job with what he was given.

From now on I will be talking about the ships, so bear with me, and know that I am a multishipper. Yes, I have my preferences. No, my word is not law, it's just an opinion, so please respect it.

- Bughead is still super cute in s1. I feel like from s1 they will always be my otp, even if I no longer feel as strongly about them now and have a different insight as to where I would like their story to go, and now I definitely see the problem others had mentioned before of how they kind of took over the show, which is something I kind of closed my eyes to before... But I really loved them in s1. It felt like a very juvenile teenage relationship, they didn't give much thought on why and if they should be together, they just went for it like teenagers usually do, and they were very very cute together.

- I feel like if you don't count Beronica (because they really were the best no matter what you say or ship), if there's a ship that deserves "best chemistry" award for s1 is probably Varchie. I lost my interest in them years ago, but this rewatch reminded me of why I actually loved them once. They never really became an otp for me, but Kj and Camila's chemistry in s1 was VERY GOOD, and I really liked them. Their kiss in the pilot was electric and the s&xual tension was OOF, and that chemistry carries on through the season. You can easily tell something will happen between them eventually. It makes me sad bc I don't know what happened after s1, but their chemistry from s2 onwards was just... not there for me. Which is ironic bc it's the season they truly started dating and they got a lot of smexy scenes, but I just... didn't feel it. But I'll leave that comment to my s2 rewatch. For now just let me enjoy Varchie's chemistry in s1 while it lasts because it was really good.

- Now we get to Barchie, who I made clear was the reason for my rewatch, so let's get to it. I LOVED the way Barchie was written in s1. I remember when I first watched Riverdale, I was curious about their dynamic but didn't put much thought into it because I loved Bughead too much and wanted them to be together, and I thought Barchie would be the traditional "first og ship" thing and wouldn't have a big follow up, but boy was I WRONG and am I GLAD for it. I'll talk more about their development in the next seasons when I get there, so for now let's focus a bit on s1. Just in like the first two episodes, there is so much Barchie foreshadowing, like, it's legit insane how it was right there in my face and I missed it the first time! "I have never felt what i'm supposed to feel with betty", "it's not my fault he doesn't like you", "I can't give you the answer you want"... Omg, those are obvious eyebrow raising "this will come back to bite you in the a$$" moments and it's incredible how they actually DO! I would call it clever writing, but like... it's Riverdale lol. So I really am just glad that the ship was done this way, i'm glad Barchie has the back story that they do, they've really come a LONG way and i'm happy I get to experience their whole growing storyline. It's also especially good because s1 actually provides you with scenes that show you their friendship and how they're so close, you see them hanging out, talking, their pictures together, everything was just really done well with them. Still have a bit of critique with the way Archie contradicted himself sometimes regardinf his feelings for Betty, but let's be honest, we've watched enough Riverdale to know that's just a problem with the writing.

- Kevin/Joaquin is still my favorite Kevin ship, i'm sad it's completely impossible to go back to them someday so for now i'll just be really glad it existed and that I got to see them even if it was short-lived. They had great chemistry and their kiss scenes always outsold.

- Beronica... sigh. Beronica. The most wasted chemistry i've ever seen on CW and I've watched a LOT of CW shows. There was so much potential there, s1 was practically overflowing with them and it's one of the reasons it became some popular. I remember when the Beronica fandom was the biggest one, ah, good times. Veronica and Betty were easily the best part of season 1, their friendship, their lowkey romantic moments, they were just superior in every way. This ship deserved better, not even just as a ship, but as a friendship.

- Veronica's s1 hair >>> Veronica's hair in seasons 2-4. I loved the side part and I am glad it's back in season 5, it looks so much better like that.

- Cheryl, as always, deserves better. Can't wait for her to meet Toni so I can watch again Cheryl finally get to love someone and be loved back, which is exactly what she deserves.

For now, that is all! I will probably make another post soon when i'm done with season one and from season two on I will be live-blogging the episodes since I will be watching it alone. Once again, pls, no hate, my thoughts are my thoughts. Peace.