#(I mean I realise maybe hes trying I'm sure it's not that simple)

[adhd-merlin]

colin... colin morgan... where are you

[luveline]

i was thinking about roommate!spencer going home after a week off working on a case and finding reader sleeping on the couch waiting for him to get home

Spencer cringes as his nails scratch the paint around the doorknob. He’s a tepid mixture of tired and sad, demotivated from another bad case, the subway home, the too many steps to the apartment. He hopes the BAU has better pay after his probation is over. He’d get a new apartment, fix up his shitty old car, maybe even get a haircut. 

For now, it’s just him, his tired feet, the threadbare couch, and you. 

You’re snoring with your face crushed to the armrest, hand tucked under your chest. You’ve started sitting and ended twisted to one side. Your back will ache when you wake up, but you’re blissfully unaware of it while you sleep. Spencer has half a mind to let you sleep undisturbed. 

He steps over your book of crosswords on the floor and the pencil waiting beside it, bending over to pat your arm. When that doesn’t rouse you, he grabs your shoulder, about to shake you awake when you sigh in your sleep, a simple, sugary sound that sends heat to his cheeks instantaneously. You’re often innocuously lovely, at least in his eyes. 

Spencer frowns and goes to make you a glass of sweet tea to wake up to. He’s secretly hoping you’ll wake up before he returns, but you’re still snoring, your face crushed, pressure on your neck. 

He wonders if you sleep on the couch often. He’s never caught you sleeping in the living room when he’s home, but this is the third time now he’s texted you that he’s coming back and walked in to find you waiting…

Are you waiting for him? 

Spencer can profile you. It doesn’t feel right, he tries not to be invasive, but he can work this out. It’s his job. 

First, the text you sent that read, Can’t wait for you to come home, I’m making chicken noodle soup for us 

Neither indicative nor exclusionary of his theory. You could mean can’t wait as the metaphor it tends to be. 

Your crossword book. Upon further inspection, he realises the pages are bent on one side, and the tent of it has landed where your hand curls toward your chest. Alright, it fell. You stayed up until you were so tired you dropped your book. 

But… you could’ve been watching TV. He turns to analyse the TV set. The standby light turns orange when it’s been left on for eight hours at a time, and you and Spencer are kind of broke, so you don’t leave anything running on purpose. You’ve never fallen asleep watching TV while he was home— 

All these reasons. 

He could just ask. He turns back to you with lips already parted, prepared to try again to wake you and slip it in casually, Shit, you weren’t waiting for me, were you? 

You’re already awake. 

Tired, you smile at him like you’re not surprised he’s kneeling at the foot of your seat. Like you’re glad he’s home. “Spencer,” you say, voice etched with the last dregs of sleep as you turn onto your side completely, giving a little wince at the stretch. 

“Hey, you okay? Why are you sleeping on the couch again?” 

You roll your eyes for what he’s not sure and reach down blindly for the crossword book by his knee, your fingertips brushing his thigh and leaving lightness in their wake. “I'm glad you’re home. Need your help, m’stuck on my puzzle.” 

“That’s what you’re sleeping here for?” 

“What?” Your eyes slip closed and then flutter open. “Mm, no, was just waiting for you to get home. How was Santa Monica?” 

Spencer has to force himself to answer around the pretzel of nerves tied in his throat, because it’s what he’d wanted, but he wasn’t ready. “It was great! I mean– I mean, it was awful, and three people died and–” He breathes in wrong. “It was fine.” 

You curl your book on the right page, blinking heavily at an unsolved row. “Oh, good. Um. Okay, ‘to carry a torch for someone’. Eight letters, not obsessed. Doesn’t fit.” 

Spencer traces the soft shudder of your lashes where they’re desperate to kiss the skin below your eye. “Besotted,” he says quietly. 

You gasp happily. “Besotted. Perfect! I missed you, genius, you always know the answer.”

He hands you your fallen pencil. “I missed you, too.” 

[wolfiesmoon]

hey, i wanted to say first that i love ur writing style. Also I wanted to ask (if is not a problem) jade, floyd and leona the prompt “cheek kisses that leave red lipstick stains”

awwww i'm so glad u think so!! i'm not sure if you mean the more silly one or the more serious one but either way i'm very happy 🩷

the reader is gender neutral in essence but they do wear lipstick because it's needed for this fic

jade's is suggestive i suppose????? so watch out for that????

⋆୨୧˚ Jade Leech

"Interesting choice of lipstick. Not in a bad way, of course." Jade commented upon seeing you.

"I bought it yesterday, but I still have something I have to test out." You tried your best to look innocent and nonchalant.

You've had this lipstick for a while actually, but you still haven't tested if it's transfer proof yet. Jade is the perfect candidate to test that out. Atleast in your humble opinion.

"Oh? And what might that be?" he smiled at you.

"You'll see. Like, literally right now." you mirrored his decievingly innocent smile. After you kiss him, his eyes will probably go wide like they always do when he isn't expecting something. Which just so happens to be one of your favourite expressions of his.

You reached your hands out to him and pulled his face close to yours, then pressed a nice, long kiss on his right cheek. You mirrored it on the left one too, of course. Symmetry always looks nice.

Just like you predicted, he made the exact face you envisioned, with slightly pink cheeks as a bonus.

"Oh. I was... certainly not expecting that." he sounded genuinely surprised, smiling happily at you and showcasing his sharp teeth in the process. Knowing Jade, you honestly don't want to know what he thought you were going to do with that lipstick.

"Aw man, it's not transfer proof." you acted slightly dissapointed, but in reality, you couldn't be more glad that it isn't. Hmmm, it kinda feels nice to catch Jade off guard like that. Maybe you should do it more often.

"You don't realise what you've just done, do you?" his smile quickly turns sinister in a way you can't quite put your finger on. It makes you feel all weird, like you're pray getting cornered.

"Done what?" you laughed nervously.

"I do hope that you are good at hiding bite marks." as he said that, he was already grabbing your wrist and dragging you to god knows where.

"Wait... Jade, where are you taking me? Jade?!"

You have a feeling the lipstick might get smudged by the time you're done.

⋆୨୧˚ Floyd Leech

"I don't wanna talk to you..." Floyd sulked, not looking at you.

"He's been like this for the whole day." Normally, Jade would deal with Floyd's bad mood, but he's been causing even more trouble for the Lounge than usual today and was not very willing to be put in a better mood by his brother, so Jade was forced to employ higher forces to help him out. The higher forces being you, of course.

"Right... Actually, I think I might have an idea on how to solve this." You thought of a certain thing you wanted to for a while now but never had the chance to.

"Is that so?" Jade noticed the mischevious smile on your face, amused at whatever you'll come up with.

.

"Floyd, come with me." You pulled on his collar, sounding confident and serious.

"I told you, I'm not going to talk to you..." he glared at you, trying to push your hand away.

"There's no talking involved." You pulled harder and he finally let up, silently letting you drag him to a quiet corner of the school.

Because he's still in a bad mood, he hasn't looked your way at all. This also means he hasn't noticed the lipstick.

Suddenly, you grab a hold of his face and press a kiss to his lips before he can protest.

"Oh... oooooooh!" His face brightened up and it seems his mood has instantly improved. Floyd's a surprsingly simple guy sometimes, isn't he?

But, you're not done yet.

You pepper kisses on each of his cheeks without letting him say anything at all. He lets out strange but not entirely unwelcome noises while you're busy decorating his cheeks with kiss marks.

"There. Are you in a better mood now? Because the Mostro Lounge needs you." you looked satisfied with your work and so did Floyd when he got a glance of himself in the mirror.

"Ehhhh, do I really have to? I feel like squeezing you, not going to work. Especially not now that I'm all decorated with your kisses." he looked annoyed at the mention of work, wanting nothing more than to smother you with love and bonecrushing hugs right now.

Seems your plan kinda backfired since he became a little too happy and doesn't seem fond of letting you go anytime soon.

⋆୨୧˚ Leona Kingscholar

It is a bit unusual for you to wear such a bright lipstick color. He brushes it off, thinking you were just in the mood for a bright color or something.

Why should he care what color your lips are, anyways? Does not matter at all.

"Leonaaaa.... come here, kitty kitty~" you called him over jokingly and he glared at you in annoyance which only made you snort harder. But he still came over anyways, so you call it a win.

He looked at you, waiting for you to clarify on what you called him over for. Better be worth his time.

You grabbed a hold of the two braids at the front of his hair and pulled him into a kiss. Though it was a short(er) one since your main targets are his cheeks.

You made sure to thoroughly decorate them with kisses, turning his head left and right to inspect your work and make sure the number was about equal.

"You done?" he tries to sound unbothered, but you immediately see through it. He's definitely really happy about it.

"Yeah. You can go back to napping now." you let him go, and he lingered for a moment, no doubt dissapointed that you actually said yes. But since he didn't want to show it, he returned to his napping spot under the tree and you went back to studying in the library.

.

"Leeeeeoooonaaaa! Are you here again? Professor Crewel is mad at y- What is that on your face?" Ruggie's scolding session was cut short when he noticed the lipstick marks on Leona's face.

"What are you.... Ugh..." turns out Leona kinda forgot about the fact that lipstick usually leaves marks and that his cheeks were full of 'em this whole time. He groans at the realisation.

Though... they might not be that bad if they were made by you.

"Oh my god, stay still. I gotta take a photo of this. I'm sure your family would be happy to know you're doing well in your love life." Ruggie was about to pull out his phone but was stopped by Leona who swiftly grabbed his wrist. Wait, since when was he standing, anyways?

"Jesus, you scare me sometimes..." Ruggie pushes his phone back in his pocket. "Well, do I go get something to clean your face or what?"

Leona hesitates.

"Yeah, yeah."

[shellshocklove]

❀ 2023 fic recs

hi friends <3 like last year i wanted to make a list of some of my favorite fics i’ve read that was posted throughout 2023. please read the warnings on the fics before reading, and minors do not interact with smut!

* = smut

❀ peter parker

burnt face and second base by @waitimcomingtoo (one shot)

pairing: peter parker x reader summary: peter can’t seem to stop accidentally hurting his crush.

blurb by @hollandsangel (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x reader summary: “oh please, who’s gonna stop us?”, “the police.”

*angel unaware by @silkscream (one shot)

pairing: peter parker x silk!reader summary: you’ve known peter since you were fifteen, shortly after you were both bitten by the same spider. it was too obvious that you’d end up loving him. as you drift apart during your first year of college, you’re not sure how much longer you can keep dancing in circles with him.

*blurb by @/silkscream (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x female!reader summary: reader fucks peter in his suit, the other suit.

*delay by @sparklingsin (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x gn!reader summary: you stop peter from going on patrol.

blurb by @t-lostinworlds (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x avenger!female!reader summary: "this movie is really scary, but you're into it so i'm trying not to cover my face the whole time, but-what is that?" and "i mean… i-i'm cool with sharing the bed if you are."

i spy, no spy by @/t-lostinworlds (one shot)

pairing: peter parker x avenger/secret agent!female!reader summary: You’re a trained spy, Peter was not. But you two ended up on a mission together where he was needed to be less of the chatty superhero in red & blue tights and more of a debonair undercover agent in a suit & tie. It shouldn’t be too difficult, right? No mask, no web shooters. Just you and him pretending to be fiancés, hiding and making out in a closet to avoid getting caught—simple. Unless he included his overgrowing feelings for you, of course.

a strange(er's) comfort by @/t-lostinworlds (one shot)

pairing: peter parker x female!reader summary: peter found a strange comfort in the graveyard, no less. but hearing about your day-to-day had been the highlight of his. and when one night led to the both you showing vulnerability, suddenly, peter didn’t feel so alone anymore. maybe a stranger’s comfort wasn’t so bad.

*in lust we trust by @scorpiomother (one shot)

pairing: mcu!peter parker x silk!female!reader summary: they don’t know one thing about each other, but they do know that they want each other. bad. little do they know, they are at the mercy of an influx of hormones caused by a radioactive spider.

*blurb by @webslingingslasher (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x female!reader summary: you get a bad calf cramp midway through sex.

break my heart by @hollandweather (blurb)

pairing: frat!peter parker x female!reader summary: peter wants to spend time with you.

your kiss, my cheek by @/hollandweather (one shot)

pairing: frat!peter parker x female!reader summary: better late than never? bullshit. frat!peter realises he loves you a little too late.

you're always gonna be mine by @darling-im-wonderstruck (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x female!reader summary: late nights with peter never failed to put your heart at ease at the end of each long day. all your worries and doubts seem to disappear in his presence, including your fears about first loves (and first heartbreaks).

subway by @tnmdfhgkg (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x female!reader summary: you met a cute boy on the train.

blurb by @/luveline (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x reader summary: peter catch you wearing spider-man merch.

blurb by @parkerpeter24 (blurb)

pairing: peter parker x female!reader summary: peter's hand gets stuck to your shirt.

❀ joel miller

*soft!dom joel miller by @joelscruff (series)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: a collection of important moments between you and joel miller, your grumpy new patrol partner in jackson, wyoming.

*feelings on fire by @/joelscruff (series, ongoing)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: you're back from college for the summer, staying with your devout catholic parents in your childhood home while they order you around and try to keep authority over you. as an act of rebellion you ask your new neighbor mr. miller to teach you how to play guitar, but it turns out there's a lot more he wants to teach you.

*boyfriend's!dad!joel miller by @/joelscruff (series)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: moments between you and your boyfriend's father, joel miller, who you have a secret relationship with.

*to freeze or to thaw & *a kindness you can't afford by @/joelscruff (two part one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: joel stole you away to be his special girl.

*truth or dare by @/joelscruff (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: a harmless game of truth or dare ends with you tied up in a certain mysterious neighbor's garage.

*this one thing you did by @/joelscruff (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: dancing with a stranger at your favorite club leads to something filthy.

*mad love by @swiftispunk (drabble)

pairing: joel miller x afab!fem!reader summary: reader gets turned on after joel goes feral on some guy who tried to touch her.

*holding back by @/swiftispunk (drabble)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: smut from joel's pov.

*your summer dream by @/swiftispunk (series, ongoing)

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader summary: fresh on the heels of the worst breakup of your life, you find an unexpected kindred spirit in joel miller, who's agreed to tag along for seven days to a tropical resort with you and your parents.

*good to me by @/swiftispunk (three part series)

pairing: gynecologist!joel miller x female!reader summary: with your usual doctor out, you're stuck having to get your routine pap smear done by the gorgeous dr. miller.

*say it with your hands & *put your lips close to mine by @/swiftispunk (one shots)

pairing: joel miller x afab!fem!masseuse!reader  summary: ellie convinces joel to see the town masseuse. it goes mostly okay.

*creep it real by @/swiftispunk (one shot)

pairing: dbf!joel miller x female!reader summary: a masked angel. a rugged cowboy. you're the answer to joel's prayers...until he realizes who you are.

*stay here, honey by @/swiftispunk (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x fem!reader summary: you sit on dbf!joel's lap at a party, it's a whole thing.

no strings attached by @dustydaddyyy (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: you can’t deny there’s always been something between you and joel miller. The question is, is either of you going to do something about it?

*sweetheart by @/dustydaddyyy (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: you're home from college for summer '99 to visit your parents, when your eye wanders upon their next-door neighbor, joel miller.

*flash point by @/dustydaddyyy (series, ongoing)

pairing: pre-TLOU! joel miller x female!reader summary: 18 years after the world ended, and you never thought you'd find yourself stranded and alone in the Boston QZ. you've got one friend, a tendency for violence and sticky fingers, so what happens when you run across two notoriously ruthless smugglers one night and they chose to save your life?

*look at me, *give me some & *can't help it aka tinder!joel miller by @pascalisbaby (mini series)

pairing: DILF!joel miller x female!reader summary: ellie and sarah set joel up on a tinder date.

*say yes to heaven & *no angel by @/pascalisbaby (one shots)

pairing: chiro!joel miller x female!patient!reader summary: dr. joel miller gives you a little more than an adjustment.

*saved too many times by @/pascalisbaby (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: joel doesn’t mind punishing you, so long as he gets to watch you cry.

*signs i don't read by @/pascalisbaby (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: joel likes things done his way, especially when he’s fucking you.

*rock me to sleep by @randofantfic

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: joel makes love to you in a rocking chair.

*dbf!joel miller by @notjustjavierpena (series)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: joel, your dad’s best friend, finds you in your room crying and wants to comfort you.

*grab the bull by the horns by @proxima-writes (one shot)

pairing: pre-outbreak!joel miller x female reader summary: joel agrees to go out to tommy’s favorite bar, where he watches you ride a mechanical bull and wishes you would ride him.

*joel is such a sap after sex by @inklore (drabble)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: joel is a sap after sex.

*kinktober – body worship by @palioom (blurb)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: you worship joel's body.

*only need ten by @pascalpvnk (blurb)

pairing: jackson era!joel miller x afab!reader summary: morning sex with joel.

*sweetened breath and tongue so mean by @moonlight-prose (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: joel couldn’t fathom what you saw in him. a man bloodied with the ravages of life. he’d taken life, killed to survive, and there were times he even fucking enjoyed it. but you were soft. you were the good that remained. the light he shouldn’t be allowed to tarnish.

unlikely friends by @sweetercalypso (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x reader summary: joel and your cat have never gotten along, but maybe they’re more alike than they realize.

*need that charles dickens by @janaispunk (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: “what do you say, have i been a good elf for santa?”, “am i santa in that scenario?”, “sure,” you grin mischievously, “if you come down my chimney.”

*in the next room by @atticrissfinch (one shot)

pairing: neighbor’s fuckbuddy!joel miller x female!reader summary: when the peace and quiet of your apartment is disturbed by the noisy escapades of the couple in the neighboring unit, you find yourself entranced by the mystery man on the other side of the wall. and when you stumble upon him on a dating app…well, it might just be fate.

*between blurred lines by @livingemkayde (one shot)

pairing: best friend's dad!/dad's best friend!joel miller x female!reader summary: joel miller has always been...there. never different, always sporting a brooding scowl etched into his handsome face. he's your best friend sarah miller's dad, arguably worse, your dad's long time buddy. things are never different. not until this summer. not until now.

*for you, i would by @javiscigarette (one shot)

pairing: joel miller x female!reader summary: Joel catches you doing something you definitely shouldn't be doing and teaches you you lesson.

*tricks of the trade by @mypoisonedvine (one shot)

pairing: dark-ish!joel miller x female!reader summary: when you don't have enough rations to get your fix, you have to find something else to trade.

❀ javier peña

*soaked by @/joelscruff (one shot)

pairing: javi peña x female!reader summary: it’s hard being an intern for a man who won’t even look at you, but maybe there’s something else to it that you don’t see.

*(re)union with elvis by @tieronecrush (one shot)

pairing: javi peña x female!reader summary: reader and javi haven't seen each other since after graduation, until one night they bump into each other in las vegas, while both are there for their friends’ birthday parties. the next morning they wake up in the same bed, hangover and married.

*late night text by @undercoverpena (series)

pairing: javi peña x female!reader summary: it’s the year 2000. javi is minding his own business on the porch of his pop’s ranch when a text from an unknown number vibrates his phone. the only problem is, no one knows he has a phone and no one has his number.

*keep me in your glow by @/atticrissfinch (one shot)

pairing: javi peña x female!reader summary: on a sleepy saturday morning, javi has one small request.

❀ jack daniels

*cupcake by @ezrasbirdie (one shot)

pairing: car salesman!jack daniels x female!reader summary: jack daniels, lead used car salesman at his dealership, has a crush on you, the pretty receptionist. it's too bad he can't get out of his own way. luckily for him, you have patience and a soft spot for shy cowboys.

❀ ezra (prospect)

*darkness by @/ezrasbirdie (one shot)

pairing: ezra x female!reader summary: ezra likes to watch you sleep.

❀ dieter bravo

*bouquet, *bloom & *blossom by @/mypoisonedvine (mini series)

pairing: dieter bravo x camgirl!reader summary: being quarantined in his hotel room has dieter getting a little stir crazy, and when the drugs run out, he has to find a new vice. that's how he found you.

❀ eddie munson

blurb by @luveline (blurb)

pairing: eddie munson x shy!female!reader summary: reader is into the same music as eddie & has a similar aesthetic but not the confidence that is associated with it. eddie takes the initiative to interact with her because she’s nervous too do so?

was that so hard? by @/luveline (one shot)

pairing: eddie munson x shy!female!reader summary: your best friend eddie tries to explain what a hickey feels like and finds he doesn't have the words. he could show you, though, if you want?

if it barks by @/luveline (series, ongoing)

pairing: rockstar!eddie munson x rockstar!female!reader summary: you don’t mean to make an enemy of eddie munson — he’s handsome and talented, but he’s the biggest jerk you’ve ever met. eddie thinks you’re infuriatingly pretty, emphasis on the infuriating.

*smut by @/luveline (blurb)

pairing: rockstar!eddie munson x afab!reader summary: rockstar eddie and his gf get a little rough before/after a show.

a quest for bed by @/luveline (one shot)

pairing: eddie munson x female!reader summary: eddie fights to get his usually shy and moderately intoxicated girlfriend to bed when you insist on clinging to him at every turn.

too much by @/luveline (one shot)

pairing: eddie munson x female!reader summary: you get upset when eddie's friends think you're clingy. he sets you straight with some unbridled affection.

our ghost by @/luveline (one shot)

pairing: eddie munson x female!reader summary: best friends since middle school, you tell eddie everything, which is why he's so surprised to find out you've been keeping a secret —you’re hearing a voice whenever you're home alone. he’s always had a thing for the fantastical but he can't believe in ghosts, and the longer you insist on it, the more worried he becomes. this would be bad enough if eddie didn’t have a secret too, and it threatens to change everything between you.

blurb by @/luveline (blurb)

pairing: eddie munson x shy!female!reader summary: eddie insists on taking care of you when you get overwhelmed in the middle of a concert.

one shot by @/luveline (one shot)

pairing: eddie munson x female!reader summary: eddie is a hockey player.

is it cool if i hold your hand? by @/luveline (one shot)

pairing: eddie munson x shy!female!reader summary: eddie asks you out on your very first date, indulging you in huge philly cheesesteaks, a vanilla milkshake (with two straws), a largely neglected bucket of popcorn, and a sugary first kiss.

a thread of time by @/luveline (one shot)

pairing: soulmate au, eddie munson x female!reader summary: eddie wakes up with a red string tied from his finger to yours, no idea where he got it, and no idea how to tell you that you're caught on the end of it.

❀ hobie brown

can i kiss you? by @spiderg0th (blurb)

pairing: hobie brown x spider person!reader summary: you visit his world for the first time.

❀ tom holland

*girls talk boys by @luciwritesstuff (series, ongoing)

pairing: actor!tom holland x female!reader summary: coming home for the holidays only to find your old, formerly pain-in-your-ass neighbour got. . . hot?

all the time in the world by @/luciwritesstuff (one shot)

pairing: tom holland x female!reader summary: tom thinks you're pregnant.

the end by @lauras-collection (one shot)

pairing: tom holland x reader summary: this is not how you thought your evening would end.

*little birdie by @youandtom2 (one shot, part. 2)

pairing: rich!dom!tom holland x inexperienced!rich!female!reader summary: you always thought you hated tom more. but after a wild night that has now led into a confusing situationship you start to question who you should be hating more: your nightmare brother andy, or his best friend tom?

*hunting ground by @/youandtom2 (one shot)

pairing: dom!tom holland x sub!bratty!reader summary: how else would you get adventure back into your life than to visit a speakeasy that’s definitly not a kinky-cult-sex-club?

❀ harry styles

*soft by @moonchildstyles (one shot)

pairing: harry styles x female!reader summary: harry is y/n’s best friend, so she thought she knew everything about him. but, it looks like they both had some secrets: harry thought about her a lot more than she realized and y/n has really soft hands.

feathery by @/moonchildstyles (one shot)

pairing: harry styles x cupid!female!reader summary: y/n is a cupid and harry might be her soulmate. if that’s even possible anyway.

*élan by @/moonchildstyles (series)

pairing: bodyguard!harry styles x rich socialite!female!reader summary: harry is a bodyguard by trade and y/n would do anything just to be left alone.

for more fic recs check out my #read tag <3

[nathanielzalexandria]

I love all the headcanons of "Steve is not dumb he's..." Hard of hearing, has poor eyesight, learning disability or his primary language is not English. I particularly enjoyed @dwobbitfromtheshire 's recent headcanon that he's hiding it because his father hates feeling inferior and only Eddie realizes that he is not dumb. But I would like to throw my own hat in the ring.

Steve is not dumb. Actually, he's quite smart and did quite well in school (because his parents would not expect anything less). He just wasn't into nerd culture and everyone just placed their stereotypes and rumours of him being a pretty and privileged rich jock who bought his way out of school but couldn't buy his way into college. Nevermind that he was in the top 10 students of his year and for most of his classes if not topping them and if not he wasn't failing the rest other than one or two science/math-based (rumours say the school forged those marks so that Steve could continue sports) and had a 3.6 GPA. It wasn't enough to get into his Dad's alma mater so his dad dismissed any of the other schools he got accepted into.

He does not try to hide his intelligence from Nancy or the Party, but Nancy had bought into the "Steve is simple-minded " narrative and the like before they got together and failed to realize that they are both in the same AP classes that were full of seniors and in any group or partnered project he more-than-well pulled his weight and had his own insights. So she spreads the narrative to Mike who spreads it to the rest of the party so by the time the events that befan with Dustin asks him for help with his "dog" and developed into concussed in the back of a car while a preteen drove his car, the kids have also bought into parts of the narrative. It doesn't help that he really isn't into the stereotypical nerdy stuff

Even his best friend Robin believed the lie until she worked with him and then got tortured with him by Russians. She eventually realises that he's way smarter in a practical sense than people give him credit for (he did raise himself since he was 11 or so) but does not think of it as stretching into the academic side of his life. She has not stopped calling him "dingus" though.

Eddie on the other hand knows better, which is why when a specific exam was coming up he turned to Steve.

He barged into the Harrington home a day when tye entire party was their.

"Stevie, you either have to tutor me or lend me your notes for this class. I am not failing this class and increasing the possibility of another year at fucking Hawkins."

Mike and Dustin burst out laughing at that before Steve can answer.

"I know you're e bad at that subject, but I didn't realise you were desperate enough to use Steve's notes," Dustin says with that condescending tone that means it should be obvious to Eddie.

Mike snorts at that derisively, "If he even has notes."

"Maybe," Lucas said diplomatically, "there are better options than using Steve's notes?"

Nancy steps up next offering some of her notes and flashcards since she took the class last year/is taking the class, "It's not my strongest subject but if we do a study group I'm sure you won't fail the class."

Eddie stares at the group with growing bewilderment as they agree that Nancy is the best choice while implying that Steve was not. Actually, they were acting as though he was dumb for even asking Steve, which made no sense to him.

Eddie turned his eyes to Steve. His posture by the kitchen island was much more different than when Eddie burst in. He had subtly curled into himself as if to make himself smaller, shoulders tense and a resignation on his face as if he's been through this conversation so many times before.

It was almost as if...

"You guys think that Steve is dumb, don't you?"

There was the type of silence that only comes when the quiet part is said outloud.

"No we don't think Steve's dumb," Robin begins and Eddie can hear the 'but' before she even said it, "But you know he wasn't good at the school part of school."

She continued to ramble on from there but Eddie did not hear any of it. He was too busy reevaluating the group he was with and rechecking old memories and facts to see if there was any inkling of truth to this strange idea that even the older teens should know isn't true.

It took him a moment to find the answer, and when he did he could not stop the derisive laugh that burst out and interrupted Robin's ramble.

"You guys fucking bought into the rumours, didn't you? I expect that from the kids maybe even Johnathan, maybe even Robin because of you became friends after he left school, but not from you, Nancy."

Nancy had that look on her face that she got when she was ready to argue but Eddie steamrolled over it.

"Jesus H Christ! Weren't y'all together for a whole fucking year? How do you not know that he was at the top of his year when you were together? Unless you dismissed that in favour of believing the rumours that his parents paid for his grades and the school wanted to make sure he kept on playing sports?"

He paused for a second waiting for someone to contradict him, but the look on Nancy's face was one of scrambling to defend herself. He sighed at that; she still wasn't getting it and it a sweeping look at the others proved they were lost too.

"Even if they paid off the school he would not have been in the top ten of his year, he would be like Carver and Hagan whose parents paid and their grades were just good enough to get into a decent college without too many questions. And they would not have kept on giving him high grades after he stopped doing any kind of sport in his last 2 years at that dump. Hell if Hargrove wasn't such a fucking beast at sports he would have been told he would have to repeat his senior year with me."

"It's okay Eddie; leave it go." He turned a fake sunny smile with his eyes tightly shut towards Eddie as if to pacify him.

Eddie turned to Steve who had yet to say anything throughout Eddie's diatribe up until that moment. He just continued to robotically make dinner for the party as though nothing was wrong, as though the hurt dripping off him didn't matter.

"I'm not letting this go! They had classes with you, some of which I'm pretty fucking sure were AP classes. If I had the attendance needed I would have graduated last year because of you, Stevie. So excuse me if I'm a bit annoyed that our friends are so blinded by a rumour that they can't fucking see your Salutatorian medal. Hanging. Right. There!"

All eyes except Eddie and Steve's turned in the direction that Eddie pointed at.

And there on the wall, was a framed silver medal with the word "Salutatorian" emblazoned on it. The party immediately burst into chaos amongst each other.

"Now, pretty boy, are you gonna tutor me or what?"

Or it goes something like that, I'm not sure.

[nortonluv]

The Knight and The Florist.

Masterlist.

Warnings: Nothing you wouldn't expect from an Idv fic. (Fairly short)

Richard Sterling x fem! Reader

---

The Florist. Y/n L/n. Recently dragged into the claws of Oletus Manor by a mysterious letter supposedly telling her of clues of the location of her missing brother. A boy so young when he was stolen from their mothers arms, the girl had barely understood the severity of the situation until she watched her family succumb to an illness that she was immune to.

How will her first meeting with the equally as new "Knight" go?

---

Matches. Games. Decode. Run. Hunters. Survivors. All key words I must remember. I must. One wrong move could cost me and the other survivors our winning matches, the more we win the more we get in return. Or so I've been told by Lily. She's a sweet girl who means well, energetic, maybe a little peculiar.

What if I fail my match. Who will come rescue me. I've been teamed with the other newest survivors, they likely will not be as experienced as the players who have been stuck here for years. No, they simply won't be as experienced. I cannot be fully sure I won't fumble and lose us a match. I do not even know how to play these games, decoding seems simple enough but what do I do if the hunter finds me? I can supposedly contain the hunter but I do not even know how to, I can even support people in some equally as unkown way. Oh how I wish they'd put me in a practise match where there would be no rewards, no consequences. Just a bit of practise.

My breathing becomes heavier and my room suddenly feels a lot smaller. I can't take it. Out.

Get out.

Leave.

Run.

Hide.

A ring of black takes the edges of my vision as I sprint towards the garden area of the manor. The flora and fauna will comfort me, surely. They wither quickly, like my family did. I'm safe with them. In my rush, I fail to notice the taller figure of a man in front of me as I enter the greenhouse.

My head smacks straight into the figure's shoulder, he grunts and turns with arms outstretched as though to catch me should I fall. I don't fall but I do stumble back in my panicked shock and take in his appearance. Long, dark hair, heterochromic eyes of blue and brown, a lean build. He's incredibly handsome, and the beauty mark just below the left (my side) side of his mouth adds to his looks.

"I-" My words fail me as I stare at the man in complete awe. He's the even newer "Knight" I suppose. A moment of stunned silence overtakes us. The greenhouse calms as though even the plants were riled up by the outburst before calming with my own heartrate. "I'm so sorry." I finally blurt out.

The man doesn't seem to particularly care, almost apathetic even before realising I'm apologising. "Oh. It is no issue, I suppose I was the one blocking the doorway." He bows slightly before returning to his towering height.

"My name is Richard Sterling. I have been dubbed, The "Knight", of these games. If it is not too much to ask, would you be able to tell me what this entails?" His tone is sincere and face although fairly flat, there is a slight upturn to his lips. The sense of dread fills me once more as I realise he's asking for advice. Advice I cannot offer.

"I'm very sorry Mr Sterling. I, myself have not been present for any matches yet. I am able to show you the schedule however if you would like? I saw that our first match would be together I believe, so we can learn together." I try to pull a kind smile onto my lips and it works as he smiles in return.

"Yes, I would like that miss..?" He holds his arm out for me to take, I wrap my arm around his and begin to lead him.

"Y/n L/n, The Florist."

What did I come to the greenhouse for again? I strain my memory to try and remember but all I see is the embarrassing but enjoyable first meeting with Richard.

---fin.

Something short and sweet, I have more ideas for these two that I wanna get to working on. REQUESTS ARE OPEN BTW PEOPLE START SENDING THEM IN PLEASSEEE I BEG.

[34saveme34]

So, when did 3 fall for 4? Also a "tiny" 3 analysis, and other stuff because what the fuck is OP on - the Post

Now let me preface this by my credentials, if you are not aware of my expertise. Which is countless posts about 34, mainly 3, I saw ALL the episodes with 3 in it, and in general I think I could be classified as an overanalyzer in the fandom. Like, I don't like to be overconfident of anything but I think I earned that title.

Now, onto the topic as I'm sure I had convinced you I am qualified.

3 and his love for 4. It existed in many ways. The funny thing about SMG4 canon is it's- quite- not as clearcut. It's obviously not a fnaf security breach major blunder but things don't always align.

Regardless, I think we can say, 3 loved 4 in many ways. If we concentrated on that, I think we could say he fell at first sight. But when I say fell for 4 I don't just mean a crush or simple infatuation, I mean fell for him so hard he could imagine a future beside him, as much as he lets himself daydream, like he didn't only want him for his good looks or fame, but for who he is, deeply. I'm talking when he fell for him so hard, he could not only view him as a crush to long for but someone he wanted to connect with so so badly.

And the first time he fell, it wasn't that. It was a sort of obsession. A one sided rivalry at first. Because he was jealous, he wanted to be like 4. It's- a very toxic form of love. And it indeed persisted for long, for so so long because he felt overshadowed by him with everything. Which is so interesting to me because it makes it feel like there weren't anybody else in that school. But there- definitely was. It's a school afterall. So, his obsession in that regard was definitely unhealthy. And due to something he didn't realise then.

And then like, if we try to apply classic times to modern stuff, he fell for him for his looks as well. I don't think much time passed for that as well. I just genuinely think he had the most homoerotic one sided rivalry with 4 which went unaddressed for so long it blew in their face and 4 started caring about it more.

You know, I just realised. Really stupid that I realise this while writing my analysis but I'm a honest man so I tell you that I just thought of this. We- never exactly see how memewarts was like from 4's perspective. Like maaaaaaybe the slight idea he didn't hate it because he never mentioned hating going there. The things we see of it could definitely be the worst moments or exaggerations. And it makes me realise that- I don't know exactly how memewarts was like for them, I don't even know if what we know about it is all there is to it. Because I think it's less 3 being this unhealthy and more that maybe it wasn't a one sided rivalry. Maybe 4 was just thinking it was more friendly while 3 was actively coping with his self esteem dropping from it. And if I remember right, he was actually failing at school. Probably why he went to get a psychology degree, that maybe he could learn something to better himself but that didn't work lol. Especially because right after this, his more unhealthy but honestly not one without reason obsession came. Which I'm guessing was when 4 started youtube. And yknow, after everything he went through beside him, of course the rivalry reignited and they started all over again more heated and homoerotic than ever. And then he like, had a phase of trying to be a villain in general but always went back to 4 in a way. Like sure, he talks about ruling over the world but when you strip it back it's always about how he wants to be better than 4. NO I'M NOT SAYING IT'S THE ONLY REASON. 3 has a rotten moral compass, I don't think he would be really against ruling the world if it wasn't for 4, but 4 is definitely a big motivator. Because he felt like nothing, he wanted everything so badly. To make the feeling go away. Which is why, even with its flaws, youtube arc is so immaculate. It shows him going through it, going through what 4 goes through and understanding. and I mean REALLY understanding. Because of It's Gotta Be Perfect, we know it affects him to this day.

And this is WHY when they meet the next time, he was so much chiller. Not just because the graveyard let him turn over a new leaf, but because he really understood. However things were still kind of- unsure with the 2.

I think a sliver of hope to connect, different from falling so hard that not connecting is unimabinable

in that it isn't about wanting to connect so badly, but a bit of "he isn't so bad afterall"

which was the 10 year anni movie, which is also really really awesome

Like, 3 wasn't letting go of his petty rivarly still but it became a lot less- heated. In the angst way. He could appreciate 4 from a new angle, one no one else could. Even at this point, like it was only brought up in Perfect but I promise you, I think even around these times if they just spent a little more time together, he would've been able to deliver those beautiful lines. You know the ones. I think Perfect easily would've been reasonable after Revelations. Because like, I'll be real, Lawsuit was all mainly plot and less- lore. No hate though, I like Lawsuit. AND not just because of mar4. I just had a thought that if I included here, it would get too much. Might make another ramble post after this one.

Anyways, to be back on topic. They were acquaintences with deep connections by like, middle or so of, but especially later in Genesis.

And actually, there's a really. And I mean REALLY important moment in genesis for them. Many actually but one SO SO important to 3 it might keep him up at night.

YEAH BABY

I'M MAKING THE CASE WITH MY F A V OU R I TE EPISODE THAT'S RIGHT.

I'm not saying he fell at this point. 3 in 2024 and further is so deep in the gay soup it's crazy.

I'm saying the moment they used the meme energy together was when he fell so hard. He wanted to connect so blissfully for the first time with 4. Things fell in place so well. He probably wanted this to last forever. It was probably the first time he could just- ignore the anguish and the grief he had when concerning 4. He fell for him badly then. And what else is my proof for this? You say if you aren't easily convinced.

And of course, what kind of deranged poster would I be if I didn't include further evidence of my very absolutely outragous idea!

I think 4 was less in like, deeply love at this point- but 3 was. 3 was so deep at this point. Look at that expression. That expression of "I'm really opening up to the person I hated the most because when I stop and think about it he isn't so awful and- FUCK I'M IN LOVE WITH HIM but I'm managing (not) (he's lying)"

while 4 is like. wow. this guy who was so bitter then. as a friend. I want it REALLY badly for some reason <- proceeds to not think too hard about it right now. It's very sweet anyways. Especially with Mario's line after because he's right. I wish they continued with Mario teasing them about it. I know all of us unhealthy lovers of Cosmology miss that tiny part of it. I know THAT'S why there's so many fics where Mario almost openly talks about these bitches being gay asf. And he is right each time.

Anyways while I'm at it and because I can't stop yapping about it.

I do think 4 kind of- fell here- or well started to and it slowly started to seep into him. Which is why I think Mario was also teasing him about it. I mean, Mario IS his best friend, as someone who also loves mar4, when it comes to like, general knowledge, I think, even when we consider 3, Mario is actually unbeatable. Like I think if like, 4 held a quiz for Who Is His Best friend with the crew, 3 and Mario would be the finalists and Mario would win. (they should make this into a real episode UGHGHGGGH) He knows 4 so well. Which is ALSO why his whole teasing is important. Especially because he isn't THAT stupid. I think he moreso often but not all the time lacks common sense. Like he lacks smarts when the plot demands.

Anyways, Mario aside, I'm saying Mario knew 4 fell for 3 earlier than 4 himself knew. (throwback to forced to hold hands, I think he's just waiting for something at this point because he then so easily took the idea that they're dating. he FUCKIN knooooooooooows ALSO THE HI TWITTER THING. He's tired of it at this point but he KNOWS)

But I think 4 realised his feelings when

when it hit 4 so badly that he snapped out of something awful.

Perfect.

it was then that he knew. Then that he realised how much 3 cared for him, through all of that that he- he let it out in a way. He let himself put his guard down finally. He wasn't being a bitch now. He saw just how much 3 cared about him and that care finally let him realise like, full on. anyways petition for a reverse situation where 4 can show how deeply he cares for 3. I don't even care if it makes 34 canon, I just want 3 to be weeping to see how much he means to 4. I want him to know so badly, for him to see it. We deserve it, as the collective fandom. I want it to be Trash Friends but on steroids. Like my fanfic Se- [*BANG* I am hit with with a flying stainless steel pan, cold on the floor]

[littlemissstel]

Confirmation- Shiu Kong

slight angst with happy ending, no use of (Y/n), use of 'Doll', not proofread

blush divider by @bernardsbendystraws

cyber divider @saradika-graphics

You and Shiu were growing apart. Were? You have grown apart, more than you had ever meant to in the first place. When you were younger you thought that was just a silly excuse people used because, "If you really loved someone then how could you grow apart? Why wouldn't you catch it sooner?". But now you've come to understand that it isn't as simple as that, you just wish it didn't have to be through experience.

Nothing happened to mark the start of this new period, no fights, suspicion, change in personality. The problem was that nothing happened at all. At some point the mid-day calls stopped coming, the texts that read, "This made me think of you", the spontaneous gifts and actions of love...The "I love you's".

But you did love him.

The two of you just got too comfortable in your own routines that there was no need for expressing admiration for the other because they would always be there, right?

You had only realised after an outing with your friend. The two of you had met for dinner, getting dressed up, with your hair in a style that took longer to do than it lasted- but it had been a while since you had any reason to and you felt special. The night was at it's peak and through the windows you could see the heard of party goers in practically transparent clothing, you and your friend sitting front and centre to watch as they went by.

"Uhhggg that should be us right now, you know! We used to go out all the time, what happened with that?"

"I'm not really sure, I think I've kind of slipped away from the club scene but we should go out again sometime soon"

"Good! Because you have no idea- how shitty these dating apps are. You know how i felt about them in the first place but I thought ,'you know what, why not give it ago'. The worst decision of my life-"

You cut her off with a burst of laughter, rubbing your fingers soothingly against your temples.

"Don't you think that's a little dramatic?"

"No, not at all! You don't understand, it's like they're rationing the good guys for us single people. I have no idea how you found Shiu but pleeaasee, if he has a brother, hook me up"

You couldn't keep up with her antics, your laughter gradually becoming gasps for air while she continued her passion filled rant. As the conversation went on you couldn't help but think about your own relationship, you didn't mean to ruin her view on it, but with the more examples she brought up, the more you realised that the romantic gestures you did were a thing of the past- heavily outdated.

From that day on, your awareness of the situation had grown and how you hated it. The apartment was often empty, rarely were the both of you home at the same time and when you were you felt like roommates rather than lovers. Shiu was constantly stressed, you had no idea what about - when you tried to ask him he quickly brushed you off - and any attempt at displays of affection seemed unnatural. You didn't know anything that was going on in his life and vice versa.

You were trying, but a conversation about it...maybe now wouldn't be the best time. You weren't quite sure how to bring it up in the first place. But you knew with every passing day, the hairline fracture between the two of you deepened and you felt the loss swallow you whole. Every rejection was a heartbreak. You were just too far away.

It took another month for you to gain the courage to address the problem. Truth be told, you could have done it before but you refused, not wanting to ruin the rare moments you two shared each others presence.

Which is why you hesitate to do it now. The both of you on the sofa, a noticeable distance apart, on your own devices.

"Shiu, can we talk for a minute?"

He looks up slowly.

"uh-huh...is something wrong?"

"No. Yeah a little bit but it's no ones fault." You start, taking a staggered breath in. Your chest starting to tighten and you became hyper aware of yourself as he gave you his attention. Your hands begin fidgeting with each other, trying to preserve any last sense of comfort.

"I don't know if you've noticed, but we've been so distant lately. We barely even talk anymore and when we do it's never past the bare minimum. I know that people go out of the honeymoon phase and it's normal, but I really don't want to be like this. Not with you, that was never us."

"This sounds like break up talk Doll."

"No! I didn't mean it like that! You have no idea how much I love you, I just have a problem with how we've been showing it."

There's silence for a minute as you both stare, intently waiting for a reaction as he drags a breath.

Shiu knows you're right. He's felt it too but the highs were just high enough to forget until he could repeat the cycle all over again. He never thought past it just being normal, after a while couples stopped needing to do 'couple-things'. His parents, as loving as they were, never went out on dates and he couldn't recall a time he'd seen them kiss or hug because they just didn't need to. They had been together for a long time, just like you and him, they had kids and were married so what other proof did they need? No one would've thought to question it. But seeing you now, in front of him, struggling to find the right words to say...It didn't feel right.

You had gone into your separate worlds, only to return to each other at night. But when? That wasn't him? The him that loved to buy you flowers to keep on the kitchen table, the one who savoured every embrace and rued getting up in the morning. The other kind of life, it wasn't for him.

He moves his spot closer to you before taking your hand and squeezing it.

"Then we'll fix it. We can go on dates, just how we used to when we first started out, okay? I won't take extra jobs and we can talk about our days over dinner or sit down to watch a movie." He says, watching as a smile makes its way onto your face.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously."

You engulf him with your arms wrapped around his neck gently, placing your head onto his shoulder while he supports you around the waist, a small rubbing motion made on your back.

"Thank you, I'm sorry"

The kiss he places on your head releases the tension of your longing, carrying with it the missing confirmation the both of you had lost all too long ago.

"I'm sorry too."

low-key wanted to make it soul crushing but got over my bad mood before it could happen😔watch out

Please feel free to leave any idea/recommendations

[thesophistiicate]

im not trying to act all high and mighty, im just genuinely confused by this... i truly dont understand girls who allow themselves to be put in degrading situations the same as the last anon? surely its glaringly obvious that man just wanted a body to use? i know i sound so mean but im genuinely actually confused whenever i hear or read girls talking about experiences like that i find it very hard to understand what would make them give the most undeserving men access to their bodies and souls like that... i can kind of understand if you sleep with a man for the first time and he treats you badly after but what i dont understand is going back again and again and expecting a different result. at that point maybe youre a little to blame as well? why would you even sleep with someone who youre not even in a relationship with? im just very lost i thought by now we all know better than to give just anyone our time. i see this even in my girl friends, theyre all so beautiful and intelligent yet they date terrible men that shouldnt even be allowed to breathe the same air as them and when they inevitably cheat or hurt them they genuinely get heartbroken and then they start to tell me about things the man has said to them and show me their text conversations and in my head im like "hes telling you right there in that message that he doesnt care about you..? what did you expect..?" sometimes it feels like girls get into situationships and relationships just to get themselves hurt on purpose because, and this is gonna sound so mean but i dont know how else to word this, but theres no way people can genuinely be this blind and stupid. i just find it so hard to feel sympathy for girls who numerously get shown and told theyre only being used for sex and still stick around for a different outcome. is that what love supposed to be? am i the one with the twisted understanding of love? am i missing something? i hope im not coming off as heartless or conceited, im genuinely confused i just dont know how to express or word it well

i'm happy to hold space for expressing thoughts imperfectly or even harshly, so long as we are willing to find understanding and not stay stuck in judgement 🤍 i would say the challenge for you here is learning to stay out of judgement (it is all right to acknowledge that's not how you would act, but attaching value statements and labels like 'stupid' don't help you be kind and don't help anyone else thrive either), and leaning into empathy (finding understanding when someone acts in a way you wouldn't, rather than judgement and frustration).

i say this as someone who used to be really judgemental, not to tell you off, but because it's so good for the soul to learn this growth. judgement and labels are easy, it's far more difficult to build the emotional intelligence to hold space for nuance and complexity, to extend compassion and nurture even when somebody is making imperfect decisions.

i think that you're someone with a really good level of self worth and self respect who cares about others too. that's so amazing! the best thing you can do is continue to hold your standards and lead by example. you aren't the one who has it wrong at all. healthy, respectful relationships aren't like this! keep your standards high, show your friends examples of high standards. as much as it will feel like they aren't listening, sometimes a simple, fairly neutrally toned: "wow, you deserve better" or "geez, i wouldn't put up with that" or "that's not normal" will linger and have more long-term impact than you realise.

i know it's easy to look in from the outside and say, can't you see it?! he just sucks!! or to look at the end of a crazy story and be like, girl, there was SO many red flags wtf!! (lol me at my past self!) but when you're in the middle of it, it's actually really hard. these people are master manipulators and they know how to keep their victims hooked. love bombing, mixed signals, disrespectful treatment to lower self worth... it's a wild ride inside the storm, you simply cannot see clearly because they are committed to obscuring the view.

at the core women get themselves into these situations because of low self worth. it's why i talk about it ALL THE TIME, it's SO CRUCIAL. when you don't value yourself, you put up with being disrespected. the more you are disrespected, the lower your self worth drops and the more bad treatment you accept. it's a toxic cycle. it's the exact same dynamics as in any abusive or domestic violence scenario (even if the relationships aren't abusive and he's just casually disrespectful - that is the beginning of abuse), and it's pretty well researched why women stay, how they get in those situations, why they find it difficult to leave, why the cycle keeps repeating with new partners. i'd highly recommend researching it if you want to understand it better. every woman should be educated on this topic.

you are right to some extent: if you want to get out of the cycle you do have to take responsibility for your own behaviour. you have to ask why you're accepting being treated that way. what led you there. why you are obsessing over their behaviours but not questioning your own.

but to confront all this is very difficult and painful and often related to trauma and neglect. yet another reason why so many can't escape the cycle, to face all of that can be more painful than putting up with a shitty guy who just wants sex without commitment... the crap treatment is easier to face, until it isn't.

it is a form of self-harm, a kind of self-destruction as a way a broken mind and spirit tries to cope with trauma. to end the relationship would be to limp out and finally confront how broken you are. when you stay in it you can stay delulu. it's a form of escape.

of course, to a healthy person it doesn't make sense. why would anyone ever willingly hurt themselves? and yet, it's a psychologically observable phenomenon and unfortunately the solution and path to healing is far more complex than just not doing that or getting into those situations. if only!!

but the way out DOES involve making a decision that you deserve better. which is why we need to keep talking about these things, bringing them to light, being compassionate, creating safe spaces for women in these relationships to talk about what they're experiencing without judgement, shame, being called stupid or asking for it etc 🤍

i could speak for a long time on this, but i'll leave it there for now... it's all right to not understand it. i actually think that's a good thing in a way, it means you're in a good place. but certainly if you really want to understand it, the research is there!

[moni-logues]

The Fifth Date

Pairing: Yoongi x reader

Genre: friends/idiots-to-lovers

Summary: Yoongi finally realises his feelings for you... But you're on a fifth date with someone else.

Word count:

Content: literally no warnings necessary for this one except Yoongi being a moron

A/N: Happy birthday to my future husband, Min Yoongi! As I said in a post a couple of days ago, this one has had a real edit; it's fundamentally the same, but just (I hope) better.

‘A date. A date. It’s just a date. Why do I care so much? I don’t care. I don’t. It’s fine. She can do what she wants. Obviously. I'm not her keeper. She's a grown woman—an adult. I don't control her. I'm not trying to. It's fine. It's just a date…

'Well, it’s a fifth date. Five is quite a lot- it’s not; it’s not really a lot but it’s different from a first date. A fifth date definitely mean-‘

“YOONGI!”

Yoongi jumps, startled back to the present. He’s supposed to be helping Jungkook finish his song, but he can’t focus.

“Ah, sorry, sorry, ok,” he replies and turns his attention to the screen, adjusting levels and playing the track again.

Music is where he always goes to relax, switch off, zone out, feel better. Music is where Yoongi is in control; he knows what he’s doing; he can feel the music; he can hear it before it even exists and he knows how to create it. He’s comfortable with music; the studio is his home, his retreat. It’s his happy place. This is what he does. This is who he is. He comes to the studio and the world outside its four walls disappears, doesn’t matter. Time passes unacknowledged, one hour, ten, who knows? Who cares? Music production is a flow state that Yoongi slips into whenever he can. Music is simple to him, pure.

But you’re on a fifth date.

Jungkook sighs, seeing Yoongi’s stare go blank once more.

“Yoongi, are you ok? You really can’t focus today.”

“I’m sorry, JK, I will do better. It’s fine. I can focus. Let's do it.”

“Are you sure?”

Yoongi nods.

“Because I know someone is on a date right now-“

“So what? What does that have to do with anything?” Yoongi asks, suddenly defensive.

Jungkook almost pulls a muscle refraining from rolling his eyes. Everyone knows Yoongi has feelings for you; everyone knows you have feelings for him. You’re honest about it, at least. Yoongi refuses to be. They’re not even sure if he’s being honest with himself, despite how obvious it is to everyone else. The two of you together is a no-brainer.

“And they’ve got no brains!” is Jin’s constant rejoinder.

It’s a very good point.

They know he’s just trying to protect himself. He’s been hurt before. But haven’t we all? And you can’t stop yourself being hurt from hiding away. Loneliness is hurt, too; pining is hurt, too. But Yoongi will not be told.

*

You look at your date across the table and smile. You’re having a nice time. The food is good. The company is enjoyable. You’re trying hard to focus on him: what’s likable about him, what makes him a good match for you—the very fact that he asked you out was a start; you have interests in common; he’s not unattractive; but he’s not Yoongi. Your brain knows that you have to let go of the Yoongi thing, but your heart hasn’t got the message yet.

Practice makes perfect, you remind yourself. You laugh at your date’s joke and take a sip of your drink. If he asks for a sixth date? Yeah, you’ll go. If he asks you back to his tonight? Yeah, you’ll go. Because Yoongi’s not asking. And you’ve given up waiting.

Not waiting as such. You aren’t waiting—you never were waiting. Because you know it won’t happen, have always known. He just doesn’t see you like that. You’re friends. Just friends. You did once think, maybe, that he might be showing interest in you, the way he softened and warmed up to you, the way he became almost doting, indulgent, always, always there when you needed. Then you realised that that was just him, really him, truly him, not the cool, shy exterior he had first presented to you. That made it all the harder, truth be told. You had liked him anyway: his shy little laugh, shoulders shaking, eyes closed; his knowledge on any and every random topic you could imagine; his thick dark hair and feline eyes; his obnoxious drinking habits that you nevertheless found endearing. He slipped into your heart and set up camp. It’s just what he is like. He dotes on his loved ones: you and all the others. You realised he didn’t have romantic feelings for you, but familial ones.

It isn’t exactly what you want, being his friend, being family to him, but you’ll take it. Rather that than nothing. Rather that than daring to tread where you might not be wanted—weren’t wanted—and being rebuffed, rejected. So, you date. The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else, right? Worth a shot! It isn’t exactly working but a girl’s gotta eat.

*

The studio session does not go well. It ends prematurely. Jungkook has to pretend to have had enough, to be too tired, to need to rest, anything to put an end to the torturously slow progress he and Yoongi are making. Yoongi is distracted and needs to let loose, he says. He sends a message to the group chat asking them to have drinks so they meet at the dorms and get some bottles out. Yoongi relaxes and forgets about you for a little while, distracted but this time it’s from you, not by you. He forgets, briefly, that you’re on a fifth date with someone else, smiling, laughing, drinking, not with him. He has fun. He gets a little bit tipsy, drinks more than he planned.

Then Hoseok turns in for the night and Yoongi checks the time. It’s late. He’d have expected you to have sent him a message by now, telling him how the date went. You always message. Always. Even when it goes well. Even when it goes badly. But it’s late and he hasn’t heard from you. A thought washes over him like cold water poured down his back: maybe you’re still on the date. It’s not like it’s not allowed; it’s not like you haven’t slept with other people in the time you’ve known each other. He knows you have. He’s fine with that. Of course, he’s fine with it; you’re just friends. But you are still on a fifth date and his stomach flips over unhappily.

He stares hard at his phone, willing it to do something, although he’s not entirely sure what.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that a watched phone never boils?” Namjoon asks him.

Yoongi slowly puts down his phone and pushes it to one side.

“Waiting for a message from anyone in particular?”

“No,” he answers simply.

They know he’s lying.

“Have you met the guy she’s on a date with? He works at the company, right?” Jimin asks, his eyes all innocent and shining.

Yoongi nods.

“Yeah, he does. I haven’t met him.”

He doesn’t really ever want to. He’s not interested in who you’re dating; it doesn’t matter as long as you’re happy. If you say he’s good enough, he’s good enough; Yoongi doesn’t need to vet him, interrogate him. He trusts your judgement. He doesn’t have to meet him. Ever. Well, he’ll probably have to at some point, but he doesn’t want to. Why would he? He’s just some guy.

The other members look at each other. They know this is your fifth date and there is a real possibility of more dates; they feel they have to do something to make Yoongi wake up and realise what he’s missing. They just aren’t sure how. They’ve tried everything they can think of. Yoongi is just too hard-headed. They’ve tried with you, too, egging you on, promising success, trying bribes at one point. You are hard-headed, too.

They talk amongst themselves about this guy – whom none of them know, but some have seen around the building; they talk about you and how they might see less of you now if you’re going to have a boyfriend. They wonder aloud if your boyfriend will have a problem with you hanging out with them, seven men, by yourself. A cold fist grips Yoongi’s heart at this – not seeing you? He hadn’t considered that but it’s true; the more time you spend with this guy, the less you can spend with him. He hadn’t realised before that this could actually mean losing you. How many married women does he know who hang out with seven men on a regular basis? (How many married women he knows at his age full stop—a solid zero—does not enter into his equation). Possessed by a forceful energy, he stands up and the others all look at him.

“I,�� he starts, not really sure what he’s going to say, “have to go,” he says simply and leaves the dorms.

The others look at each other with trepidation and then shrug; what will be will be and they’ll be there to pick up whatever pieces there are later.

Yoongi leaves the building and starts walking. It’s far too far to walk to your apartment from the dorm, but he needs to burn off a little of his sudden energy. His mind is whirring, an overpowered carousel, an endlessly streaming slideshow of his relationship with you. He shakes his head and frowns deeply, shoving his hands deep into his pockets. He knows he’s coming to you but he doesn’t know what he’s going to say. He sees you, in his mind, on your date, laughing at some man, this company guy, holding hands, kissing goodnight. He shudders.  

He can’t tell you to stop dating other people, not if he’s not going to ask you to date him. But is he going to ask you? It seems insane. Impossible. The thought of asking you out is impossible. But the thought of dating you seems somehow… less impossible. Doable. Real. The thought of it being him walking you home. The thought of it being him who kisses you goodnight.

He laughs to himself. What is going on? What has been going on? He can’t have been this blind. Everyone else can’t have been right. He’s excited and terrified in equal measure. He wonders what you feel. If everyone was right that he has feelings, are they right about you, too? If it has taken him this long to realise, maybe you haven’t realised either. He might be walking into disaster. But he can’t stop. He’ll crash that fifth date if he has to.

After a couple of miles, he orders a car to take him the rest of the way. He stands for a moment outside your building; his limbs feel fizzy, his head feels light, and his stomach feels wobbly, but he pushes the intercom button anyway.

“Yoongi!” your voice comes through the speaker, quiet and grainy.

“Can I come up? I won’t be long.”

The buzzer sounds in reply and Yoongi opens the door and runs up the stairs. He has to assume this is a good sign. You’re in your apartment. You’re letting him come up. Your date is not—probably—not there, too. He breathes heavily outside your door, catching his breath, waiting for his heart to slow down a little.

It doesn’t. Not even when his breathing is even and he’s stopped sweating. So, he knocks anyway. When you open the door, you’re already ready for bed: make-up off, hair down, pyjamas on. He has to assume that this is a really good sign.

“What’s up?” you ask as you welcome him in. “Do you want a drink?”

“No, thank you,” he answers, sitting down. “I just needed to talk to you about something. How was your date?”

You sit next to him on the sofa and consider your answer.

“It was good! He’s a nice guy. I think we’re going to go out again next week, maybe.”

You don’t want to overegg the pudding but you’re not sure how to play it, how much to give away, how honest to be. Keep it vague, keep it simple. He will already know it can’t have gone that well if you’re here, all undone, ready for bed.

Yoongi nods, looking serious. Then he stands. Then he asks you to stand, too. Perplexed, you rise and stand in front of him, your expression questioning.

“I’ve been stupid,” he states. “I’ve been really stupid. I have to apologise to you for that. I don’t want to complicate things for you but you have to know this. I like you. I don’t want you to date that other man. I want you to date me.”

“Date you?” you ask, incredulous.

“Yes. That is what I want and I’ve wanted it for a long time; I just didn’t realise it until now. If you want to date that guy, that’s ok, but if you want to date me, well, I want that, too.”

He sounds so sure, so confident, but he doesn’t feel it. His hands clench and unclench at his sides; his ribs are taking a beating from his heart; sweat pricks in his scalp. He can’t say any more. His mouth has dried up. He can only stand and wait for your response. Whatever it may be.

You look surprised then confused, your brows pulling together over your eyes, your lip sucked into your mouth, chewed on.

“I guess—well, no, I know: I also want to date you.”

That’s definitely got to be a good sign. He nods sharply.

“Ok. Good. Fine. Good. That’s all I wanted to say.” A pause. “Sorry for barging in here. It’s late. I’ll let you go to bed.”

He turns to leave and you’re laughing, more incredulous now than before.

“Where the fuck are you going?” you cry, stepping forward and grabbing his arm, turning him around so he’s facing you again. “What are you doing?”

He looks like a deer caught in headlights, a little shocked, a little dazed, like he can’t believe where he is, what’s just happened. And he can’t. Doesn’t seem real. None of it does.

“Oh, I, uh,” he stutters, not sure himself what he was doing, what he’s going to do now.

“You can’t just come in here and tell me you want to date me and then leave! Are you even going to ask me out?”

He blinks and you hear the clock tick like the cogs in his brain turning.

“Do you want me to ask you out?”

“Oh my god!”

You turn, bewildered, really feeling that extra glass of wine you had at dinner. You rub your hands over your face and turn back to him with a smile.

“Yoongi?”

“Yes?”

“What are you doing on Friday?”

“Studio, probably.”

You roll your eyes and take a deep breath.

“No, what are you doing on Friday?”

You stare at him insistently, willing him to see the breadcrumbs you’re laying out for him, to take a fucking hint for once in his life.

“I’- oh. Oh. Uh, do you want to go out with me on Friday?”

“I mean, I was going to ask you out, but yes, yes I do!”

“Oh… Good.”

“Stop saying that!”

“I don’t know what else to say!”

You feel a little drunk, feel a tiny bit like maybe you’ve fallen asleep on the sofa and are just dreaming this. Because it’s come out of nowhere and Yoongi’s standing in your living room asking you out on a date and it’s everything you’ve wanted for all this time and it can’t just suddenly be happening. Just like that. So easy.

He’s blushing and so embarrassed, squirming a little as he stands in front of you, feeling so silly that he showed up so unprepared. Unprepared for any of this. He would have sworn up and down just a few hours ago that you were his friend and nothing more, but now he’s giddy, a little dizzy, feels like he’s actually drunk even though he sobered up on the walk. He feels like he’s dreaming, passed out on the dorm sofa, imagining all of this.

You both feel weird, exposed. You’re crossing that line, however inelegantly, and neither of you is sure how to do it. You laugh, awkwardly, nervous now in front of him. He laughs, too, rubbing a hand at the back of his head self-consciously, looking down at the floor.

“You can stay,” you offer, quietly, a little timid, not quite meeting his eye.

“Stay?”

“Here, tonight. If you want.”

“Do you want?”

“You think I’d have offered if I didn’t?”

You take whatever Dutch courage you have left and close the gap between you, your feet neatly together between his, your fingers toying with the edge of his jumper. You look up at him through your lashes and he’s looking down at you, blinking hard, his fists clenching and unclenching at his sides again. You tip your head up to him, willing him to take a step, to take his turn, to not make you have to do all the work.

It's a little much, Yoongi thinks, as he looks down at you. It feels fast, sudden, and he’s so hot, flushing all over as your little fingers pull gently at the hem of his jumper. For a second, he considers backing out, shuffling back just a little—and then he catches himself. It’s not sudden—because he’s known you for months now, he’s felt this for months even if he hid it from himself; it’s not fast, it’s slow. It’s been slow—he’s been slow. Everyone has been telling him, everyone has been saying it and he hadn’t realised, hadn’t got the message, but now he has, so why wait? Why pause? You’re right there in front of him, looking up at him with those enormous eyes, a little shy, a little spark of mischief there.

He unclenches his fists and places his hands on your waist as he dips his head and presses his mouth to yours.

[tink27]

I am dying for an Au where the party left Eddie's body in the upside down and he (for whatever reason) is not dead, and comes back but with significant memory loss.

He ends up in Steve's back yard, covered in his own blood and the muck of the upside down. He's faced with the absolute relief and sadness on Steve's face, as he tried to rush towards Eddie only to see him flinch away, eyes wide and confused.

It takes a while but Eddie begins to trust Steve, he gets re-introduced to the party and slowly but surely his memories are coming back, sometimes in flashes of memory but sometimes without Eddie even realising himself. Like when he calls Dustin "Henderson" without anyone ever reminding him of Dustin's last name, or when he started humming Dio in the kitchen while he drank his coffee (Eddie had no idea what he was even humming and it took Steve about an hour of sifting through Eddie's old tapes to figure out it was Dio's Rainbow in the Dark).

But the memories are also confusing sometimes, particularly when it comes to Steve Harrington. Eddie knows Steve, he's the person Eddie came to rely on the most since he came back. Steve lets him stay in his house, he makes sure Eddie eats enough proper meals and he can tell when things are getting too much and keeps the others out of the house for a while.

But Eddie has memories.

Steve looking a bit younger, but so much harsher. Indifferent and cool as a freckled boy spits mean words at his side. Steve with his arm around some pretty girls waist, smiling at her and sneering at Eddie.

None of it seems right. Because when Eddie looks at Steve, the Steve in front of him, he cannot accept these memories. Steve has only ever looked at him with the utmost gentleness, but still Eddie can't shake them.

So one day, in Steve's kitchen he tests it out with a phrase that's been rattling around in his head "King Steve" he says it softly, and he isn't sure what to expect. Confusion maybe, something to confirm that it was all some insecure figment of Eddie's overactive imagination.

But what he got was a look of pure hurt. Eddie had never seen Steve look so hurt. He immediately had the urge to take it back, to pull the words back into his mouth and take away whatever pain he had given Steve but he knew he couldn't, so he tried again "Steve?"

"you remember, huh?" His voice sounded defeated, like some awful thing he was waiting for had finally happened, like the other shoe had finally dropped.

"some things..." Eddie felt wrong footed but he knew he needed to consolidate these memories in his head with the broken boy in front of him "but they don't really make sense"

He waited to see if Steve would talk, fill in some gaps but he doesn't, so Eddie continues "it seems like" He was hesitant to even say it "you used to be mean... to me?"

Steve scoffed, seemingly more at himself than at Eddie "I used to be mean to a lot of people Eds. I've been trying to get better, to be better, for the past couple of years but, that sorta stuff follows you around"

He wasn't sure how to respond, even though he knew the memories were real, it still didn't feel right, those memories weren't his Steve. "But, you're not like that anymore." He left it like that, staying it like fact.

"no. I'm not like that anymore, I hope so at least" he seems sheepish, and still so uncomfortable

"you're not." Eddie took a step closer, and placed his hand on Steve's arm "you're good, Steve."

Eddie's language hadn't been what it used to be, and Dustin and the others were doing a Lord of the Rings book club to help Eddie regain some of his past vocabulary, but he hoped for now that even simple words could get across how he felt about Steve.

"you helped me, I was alone and scared and you did everything you could do" he tilted his head, trying to get Steve to meet his eyes "You saved me, Steve Harrington."

And that seemed to be more than enough, because in a sudden rush of movement Steve pulled Eddie into a tight hug, and as they stayed their, tangled up in Steve's kitchen, neither of them mentioned when Steve's shoulders began to shake and Eddie's shoulder dampened.

Instead Eddie just placed his hand in Steve's hair, and held him for as long as he needed. No matter what memories he regained of that young indifferent version of Steve, he knew all that matters was this boy in his arms right now. The kind and selfless Steve Harrington.

The Steve Harrington who saved him, in all the ways that mattered.

[hylaarborealove]

My personal christian hot take on LGBTQ+

This is a realisation I had today, when I found 100% proof of a beloved actor of mine that he was in fact gay. I was suspecting it for a while now, since some shady information on the matter was given and it always seemed like people were dancing around this for far too long. What I noticed is that learning this information made me a little angry. Upon further investigation in my mind I asked myself ok, but why is this making me so angry? I don'd even know this guy, it's not my business at all, why am I beeing so dramatic over this random fact I've just read about a random person I have not even met yet?. For obvious reasons I am not gonna mention his name, I do not wish to call him specifically out or create drama over some teological thoughts that I have had. The post is not about him, it's pure theology, and personal mind rant, please do not come for me for giving context to my thoughts.

That beeing said. I knew it was making me angry for 1 reason, this stated cannot mean, the person is Christian. Now to understand my stance, you need to understand, learning that someone is not a christian always makes my heart ache, hurt and worried. - If you were a christian, I trust you understand - Now, still I was not sure why this was affecting me so. And then it hit me. A crazy revelation. - Praise be to God for that - it's the identity. As christians, our identity is found in Christ and Christ alone. He does not share identitywise. It's Him or not. That simple. And what I came to realise, is that the moment someone identifies as a certain sexuality, it takes away the chance or the ability to fully place their identity in Christ. Which is mindblowing. The reason it is so powerful, is because in our oversexualised world, people desperately want to fit into one of these groups. And they think their identity is solemnly in their sexual oriantation. IT IS NOT. But they believe it. They find comfort in it. - Like people find comfort in other sins - and do not want to give it up, because they feel it would take their identity away. - Grasping so closely and so stubbornly to that and saying "that's me" takes away the opportunity to say, "I am a child of God". I hope it makes sense to at least some of you. I tried to explain it to the best of my ability.

Now. I do not say, once stated it cannot be undone. There are many powerful testimonies of people repenting of different kinds of sexual sins. I myself have overcoming sexual sin testimony. - Glory to God! - I obviously do not mean to limit the Lord or put Him in a box saying there is no going back. That would be a big fat lie. All I'm trying to say is that maybe the reason christians are so much against this community, it is because it's not a fight against a sin that has become a habit or a sin that was a one time commited thing - not trying to belittle anything, just trying to make it make sense - but it is because it's fully against self. Against one's "identity". That's what makes it look like we are going against the people and not the sin. Because they internalise it, they bath in it, they label their sin as themselves, they put it on (the sin) like a second skin, every day. Identifiying with it so much so, it looks like we are rebuking them, and not their sin.

If by any chance you have made it this far, congratulations. :) Thank you for reading and thank you for the time you spent meditating on it. If you had any thoughts good or bad, things you would like to share or maybe even want to correct me in any way, please do, you are very welcome to start a conversation in the comments or reblog or anything. - With all love and understanding towards one another obviusly -. Thank you again.

love,

hyla

[basketballanonsblog]

Take my breath away

Finally made a masterlist and will slowly be updating it, starting with this:

"Cheers!"

Nine voices rang out as they clinked their glasses together (mocktails for the maknaes of course, Jihyo made sure of that). They were out celebrating their successful debut and a whole weekend off.

"So," Nayeon spoke up "we've been here for a while and we haven't done anything remotely interesting other than have a few drinks. Does anyone here have a secret lover?"

"NO!" Seven of them simultaneously answered while Jihyo unfortunately chose to have a sip of her drink at that moment, causing her to choke.

"I'm just asking" Nayeon responded defensively. "There's nothing wrong with it if any of you are in a relationship." She stopped giggling and pointed at the youngest members. "Except for you guys, you're still babies so you're not allowed to date. What about you Jihyo? You never answered my question."

Eight pairs of eyes turned to their leader as she looked back at them with thinly veiled shock.

"Of course not, you know we're not allowed to date for three years. And besides, we're so busy it's not like we could find the time to be in a relationship."

None of them could respond to that because they know that it's true. The next few years of their lives will be nonstop. No time to stop or even slow down.

The sudden sound of laughter brought them of their thoughts before they got too deep in them. They glanced at the source of noise and saw a group of four; they quickly brushed it off but Jihyo couldn't look away. She noticed you straight away, despite your simple white shirt and black jeans outfit. It was your laughter that had caught their attention.

Jihyo was so entranced that it took a solid minute for her to realise that she was staring at you, and she blushed and turned away when you noticed her back and shyly waved.

"Jihyo, are you…blushing?" Of course Jeongyeon would notice. The other girls looked to her, trying to figure out why she was red all of a sudden.

"I think it's just the alcohol. Excuse me for a minute." She ran to the bathroom before anyone could answer.

"I think she has a crush on the girl who walked in laughing." Tzuyu cut straight to the point and no one could say otherwise because they had no idea what happened within the last few minutes for Jihyo to react that way.

As soon as she was out of sight, they were approached by a man; they quickly became cautious.

"Hello, my name is Min-jun. I don't mean to be intrude but I'm here with my sister and I'm ninety-nine percent sure that she likes your friend. I mean she literally said wow when she saw her so if that's not a sign then I don't know what is."

Nayeon smirked, thinking that tonight may become a bit more fun after all.

"It seems like our fearless leader found her sweetheart. Maybe we should…"

"No." A resounding no from everyone except your brother.

"Oh come on, I'm not suggesting that we lock them in a room together, just simply give them a slight nudge towards each other."

Again no one agreed, making Nayeon pout.

"Fine, don't make Jihyo happy then."

-x-

"I can't believe you guilt tripped us into helping." Momo mumbled.

"It's for the good of our leader. Now shush, she's coming back." Jihyo was no longer red when she sat back down but now, their plan could begin.

"Sorry about that, what did I miss?"

"Unnie, do you mind getting another round of drinks?" Tzuyu was nominated to ask, solely on the fact that she's the precious maknae. And it was no surprise when she agreed.

As soon as she headed over to the bartender, one of your friends (who also got roped into this plan) asked the same of you.

Your brother was watching from the corner, and his part came into play when you were only a few feet from Jihyo. He ran towards your table, making sure to bump into Jihyo (as gently as he could) causing her to stumble. Of course, you caught her (he knew your instincts would kick in).

"Oh my goodness, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"I'm so sorry about my brother, you'd think the military training would knock sense into him. I'll give him a stern talking to."

She smiled at you, and you felt your heart skip a beat. The moment was short lived however, when both of you realised the position you were still in: Jihyo holding onto your shoulders for support while your hands were on her waist.

Just like earlier, both of you blushed as she finally stood upright once more.

"So military huh? Are you a soldier too?"

"Yeah, my brother and I take after our parents. They met because they were in the same squadron; different generations of our family served in the military…"

You continued talking, and in turn, she also told you more about herself; unaware of the multiple pairs of eyes watching you both.

Nayeon shared a triumphant smile with your brother from across the room.

"See? I told you it would work." They all rolled their eyes and Momo once again elected to speak on behalf of the group.

"And to celebrate your plan being a success, you can buy us more drinks since Jihyo is clearly occupied." Seven of them nodded in agreement, making Nayeon frown jokingly.

"My fellow members turning against me. I see how it is." They playfully argued while the tables had turned, as they were now the ones being watched.

"It seems that our respective group of friends were behind this. I knew Nayeon was up to something."

"Agreed. Do you think they'd notice if we left the building?"

"Probably not, but nothing more than platonic you hear? I don't do dating."

You held out your hand, waiting until she finally took it.

"That's alright, I guess I just have to work harder in order to change your mind." You winked and pulled her towards the exit and while Jihyo blushed for what seemed the hundredth time that evening, she couldn't help but feel breathless.

[vanmarkus]

This has been on my mind (obviously with everything that's been happening) and I'm curious if I'm alone in it. Do you sometimes think maybe they missed the window with buddie? That it should have happened in season 4 and maybe now they're trying to tell us it's too late? They keep digging the hole deeper for eddie, with shannon being the "the love of his life" he'll never get over and I just wonder if it'll ever make sense again in a way that's not a "consolation" because that would be unfair

so much to unpack here and I doubt you'll like my answer but I'm behind on asks anyway so why the hell not.

so here's the thing.

I am so SO happy that they didn't do buddie in season 4. a rushed season affected by covid with literally one episode lead-up? if we lean into the idea that the shooting/will arc was supposed to be that, that is.

(but mind you that has never been said or confirmed, they floated a bi Buck storyline that got shut down, at which stage we don't even know, could possibly have been before even having a script written for it and way before they even came up with the shooting arc itself.)

but if we lean into that then I would've found it lackluster, personally. I know not everyone holds the same opinions and that's totally fine.

but having two characters who have previously only ever dated and talked about women* suddenly kiss and start dating, without coming out, self-realisation, any other preamble aside from "you almost died/I almost died" which isn't exactly a new predicament for either of these characters...

(*in Buck's case the bi crumbs were huge and I always felt that it could've been a pretty natural progression if they just let us know that actually, Buck was out this whole time it just didn't come up on screen lmao but in all seriousness from a general audience standpoint? having both of them suddenly be together? even though, we had a lot of subtext, I just doubt it would've worked as well as it could work now.)

I mean sure, it might've been just the start and then they could've done a bit more background work for it in season 5, but even if Fox didn't shut it down (again, just a simple bi Buck storyline, not even two main characters on the show suddenly being in a queer relationship or leading up to it at the very least) the risk of not getting renewed for season 5 would've been higher than ever, so for them to leave it hanging at the end of the season would've been unlikely imo.

just to reiterate before moving on: all of the above is based on speculation and what ifs.

and about buddie in this current climate, well... I talked about this extensively so just to keep it short; though I'm more than content if not, I still believe that buddie will become canon eventually.

and ngl I find it kinda frustrating how little faith some of you have in the writing of the show when this season proved more than anything that they are finally back on focusing on the characters and actually have ideas about where to take them instead of having every single one of them running around in circles.

sure, some of the storylines are more than bonkers, but this is 911 and that trend started in season 1, so if you don't like that, then maybe this isn't the show for you. because this season with all the insanity and heartbreak was and is so far, quintessential 911.

both Buck and Eddie are well established, complex characters and they deserve to be taken on a narrative journey separately and together if buddie should happen. yeah, clearly neither character is in a place right now, but what's the rush?

we have at least one more full season ahead of us, that could be more than enough time to take them there.

and I know that anytime I say this there are at least ten people in the notes saying that we had 6 years of lead-up, so it wouldn't be rushed, but I can't help but disagree.

Eddie still has no idea how to be in a relationship and actually be in it. yeah, sure, he and Buck have been playing house for years, but the fact that neither of them seem to recognise that is a big issue on its own. and Buck, for the first time since Abby, is in a good place romantically. like the ship or not, it's canon that he's more content and happy than ever and everyone around him thinks so too.

now, we don't know how long this relationship will last and if/when it'll end and why. but if Buck got the chance to discover this part of himself without trauma and significant pain, with the people around him being supportive and patient, then I don't want Eddie thrown in there with a halfhearted realisation-to-kiss-or-confession within one episode either.

I have trust that if buddie is about to happen, it'll be handled well and in no way, shape or form would it be a consolation prize — especially because Tim is no longer bending over for the bullying of the fans and just goes by his own rules and only gives as much as he wants to. as he should.

honestly, this whole "gimme and gimme now" attitude is so stupid. and frankly, the notion that a popular queer ship would actually have a real chance to go canon has just relatively recently became a thing and now so many people almost feel entitled to it, which then spoils their experience with what's actually going on as a whole.

if your enjoyment of the show is solely dependent on a ship becoming canon? then maybe watch something else, because you're just setting yourself up for heartache, one way or another.

[changingplumbob]

York Household: Chapter 9, Part 10

In this part Kelly may be stood down from school for the day but that doesn't mean Aaron won't find them something to do.

CW: Mentions of body dysmorphic disorder and dysphoria

The Yorks are Italian so if you see them using words that don't look like English it's Italian, or what google assures me is Italian. Caro/Cara: Dear Buongiorno: Good morning Piccolo: Little one Tesoro: Treasure Nonno: Grandfather Nonna: Grandmother Si: Yes Grazie: Thank you Per Favore: Please Buon Compleanno: Happy Birthday

Kelly had asked Joey to speak to their family about her identity and, once Joey assured her it was fine, she joined the family for dinner.

Calista: Cara, I heard you got in a few fights today

Kelly was so used to being called caro, while cara was used for her sisters, that it took her a moment to realise her ma was addressing her.

Kelly: Si ma

Calista: Can we say the second fight may have had something to do with you being a girl?

Kelly: *sighs* Si ma. The dung brain said only girls needed to know about periods and stuff so I got mad and stomped on her foot

Deanna: I think that’s a sensible response even if you were a boy

Aaron: Deanna! Violence is never the answer

Joey: You say that like you don’t want us to get arrested

Aaron gave Joey a look that could melt steel.

Joey: Sorry pa, bad joke

Calista: I'll call your school and talk to them about separating kids by gender, in this day and age it's stupid. How about the first fight cara

Kelly: What do you mean

Calista: You were having trouble in English. Do you want us to get some help

Kelly: *sighs* That jerk was saying I had dyslexia but he doesn’t know what goes on in my head

Aaron: Still, it’s better to look into help now so you won’t be hindered at university

Deanna: Pa, she’s only just started high school

Aaron: Never too early to start thinking of the future

Aaron: But if you don’t want to talk about it tonight we can fit it in tomorrow

Kelly: What do you mean fit it in

Aaron: You don’t think I’m going to waste a day you’re not in school do you?

Kelly: I was kind of hoping to crash on the couch and play some games

Aaron steps up and pulls Kelly into a hug despite her protests.

Aaron: Cara, your ma and I love you. Very much. But a shift like the one you’ve started won’t be a simple one. We want you to get all the help available. I'm taking a vacation day and first stop tomorrow is a doctor who specialises in adolescents

Kelly smiles and tries her best not to tear up in front of her siblings, she has a reputation as an evil sim to maintain.

Calista: Are you okay Kelly

Kelly: Si ma. I just… wasn’t sure how you’d all take… me

Calista: Oh cara, like your pa said, we love you. We’re your family. We’re always going to be on your side

Kelly: Even if I kill someone

Calista: *laughs* Please try not to kill anyone *whispers* although I have a feeling that your pa would absolutely be your lawyer

Aaron: *laughs* Well don’t just go encouraging her to be a killer

After a hug with Calista Kelly lets out a celebratory cheer.

Deanna does not wake up feeling well. She gets dressed but can’t be bothered putting her contacts in today, glasses it is. She grabs some leftover cake and goes past Kelly and Aaron, barely taking them in.

Aaron: What’s wrong cara

Deanna: I have a horrible headache and feel like poop

Kelly: You mean you feel as bad on the inside as you look on the outside

Deanna: Probably

Kelly: No retaliation? *sighs* Just admit you don’t want me to have fun today

Deanna: You should be at school gremlin but you got in fights. Excuse me if I’m unimpressed

Kelly and Aaron head off while Deanna contemplates a nap rather than homework. What use are good grades if you’re dead?

Kelly: Why am I seeing him

Aaron: Harvey said his son had a good time

Kelly: Pa no one has a good time at medical appointments

Aaron: *sighs* maybe not but he said it helped him, how’s that?

Kelly: Guess it’ll do. So long as he doesn’t try to un evil me

Aaron: Tell him about the trouble you’ve had in class

Kelly: Si pa

Aaron: And tell him your family support you being trans because he’ll want to know

Kelly: Si pa. Think you can stop telling me what to do now?

Dr H: Kelly York?

Kelly: Yeah that’s me, this is my pa Aaron

Dr H: Nice to meet you. I’m Doctor Xander Hanks, the psychiatrist here. Will you be joining us Aaron?

Aaron: Kelly wanted to do this by herself if that’s okay

Dr H: Perfectly fine but I’d like to bring you in at the end to discuss next steps if that’s okay with Kelly

Kelly shrugs and walks herself into the office, choosing the couch that most faces the door. Dr Hanks sits down opposite her.

Dr H: Let me tell you a bit about myself. Following medical school I-

Kelly: Don’t care about you

Dr H: We can skip the pleasantries if you prefer

Kelly: You talk weird

Dr H: Why don’t you tell me why you’re here today

Kelly: *shrugs and kicks foot* They kicked me out of school for a day

Dr H: They? Why did “they” do that?

Kelly: The principal got batpoop mad because I punched one kid and stomped on the foot of another, but they had it coming

Dr H: Do you often have trouble with your temper Kelly

Kelly: I’m a teen. You're a professional, don't you know we have trouble with everything

Dr H: Anything you’d care to share

Kelly: Well ma and pa wanted me to come because…

Here she pauses. As hard as it was to tell Joey who loves her, telling a stranger is a harder task.

Dr H: Why don’t you tell me about why you got in the fights

Kelly sighs and tells him about Roger, the kid who teased her about her struggles in English class.

Dr H: Why did that upset you so much

Kelly: I don’t know. I can usually take a joke, I’m the first to make a joke after my friend Fergus. I guess… I was a bit worried he might be right. I survived middle school but now the words are longer and smaller and they can jam together sometimes in my head. But I’m not crazy!

Dr H: I wouldn’t call someone crazy Kelly. It is possible you have an undiagnosed learning disorder. I can send you to my colleague after this visit for an assessment if you’d like

Kelly shrugs noncommittally and Dr Hanks continues.

Dr H: What about the stomped foot incident

Kelly: I was trying to talk to my best friend Anya about what she learned in health because they separate the class boy girl style. I was curious, I mean I’ve only heard a bit, and this other girl took offense at me learning because I was a boy so she complained loudly then I stomped on her foot. That just made her scream more

Dr H: Was she unaware you’re trans

Kelly: *defensively* How’d you know that

Dr H: Forgive me if I’ve overstepped. Your father used the pronoun her when he ushered you in-

Kelly: I know this outfit doesn’t exactly scream natural girl but…

Dr H: And you said you were a boy when the disagreement happened

Kelly: Oh…. Right, I did… Sorry. I’ve only just come out to my family it’s still... difficult

Dr H: You have nothing to apologise for. I find the term “natural girl” to be unhelpful when talking about gender. If someone is the gender they were assigned at birth, they are cisgender. If they are not the gender they were assigned at birth, they are transgender. Have you heard that language before

Kelly: Here and there. I mean my friend’s older sibling is… oh shoot he did tell me the term…. Non something…

Dr H: Nonbinary?

Kelly: That’s it! So technically he, I mean they, are trans?

Dr H: *nods* You’ve got it. There are many ways to be female, just as there are many ways to be male, or both, or none. Was this why your parents wanted you to see me?

Kelly: Sort of. I mean I know I’m a girl but *sighs* I don’t know what to do about it. Transitioning just seems so big

Dr H: Maybe talking it out can make it a bit smaller huh

The two discuss the situation a bit more and when Kelly feels ready Dr Hanks retrieves Aaron from reception.

Dr H: Your daughter certainly knows her own mind. You must be proud

Aaron: I am. She can be a handful but I am

Kelly: Being stubborn has benefits okay pa

Aaron: I know

Dr H: After this I’m going to send you to my colleague who will do a learning assessment on Kelly. She may benefit from additional academic support. We have discussed possible next steps for her identity as well

Aaron: What are they

Kelly: Basically the government is stupid and science hates me

Aaron: I’m sure that’s not true

Dr H: There are scientific debates about at what age we can start on hormones and other physical interventions. At the moment the youngest age for medical transition is 16

Kelly: But he says I don’t have to do that if I don’t want to, any changes I make will be up to me. I say who I am, I'm in charge

Aaron is glad to see Kelly smile at this.

Dr H: There are many non-medical changes that can be made while she thinks about it. Kelly has already switched pronouns, she may want to change her name or her wardrobe. I’m going to refer her for therapy-

Kelly: He says I might get this thing called body dysmorphic disorder. Or anxiety, or depression or whatever

Dr H: Body dysmorphia can overlap with gender dysphoria so I like to make sure my trans patients have adequate support. I’ve prescribed some antidepressants which I think will be helpful as support during the transition period but I’d like to order some blood tests to make sure we don’t need to do any medical interventions yet

Aaron: What can me and her ma do

Dr H: Keep supporting her. She has expressed some anxiety about her personality traits. I would urge you and the rest of her family to remember her gender identity is not responsible for her personality or vice versa despite being a big part of who she is

Aaron: We can do that

The two get up to leave and Aaron is surprised when Kelly not only thanks the doctor but gives him a hug as well. Maybe her evil trait will be easier to balance with age.

Results of today’s medical appointments. Kelly has dyslexia and body dysmorphic disorder. Sorry it was a bit long, I didn't want to cut her off mid session.

Previous ... Next

[kazonandoff]

So I have some thoughts about LN 12. There will be spoilers!

OK, Volume 12! Pretty good. I think I liked 11 better in terms of pacing and plot but so much good stuff happened in this one. Maomao was in peak form here. This was also a Chue centric volume and she's my second favourite character after Maomao.

I think what dragged this down was some heavy info-dumping in a couple of chapters. One chapter is literally just catching Maomao (aka the reader) with everyone's motivations and schemes. I really feel like this could have done with another 100 more pages, just so things didn't seem so dense. I still couldn't follow everything! Did Hulan try and entrap Maomao or not? Wouldn't it have been obvious to Chue that Hulan was up to something when he sent Maomao to pay a visit to the Ri Prince? Could someone be kind enough to break down what happened for me in simple words? 😅

The action scenes are great in this one too. The highlights are obvious but the one scene that really stood out to me was Maomao stepping in front of Bear-Man to stop him touching Xiaohong. There was none of her usual thought process of "I'm being stupid and reckless" just am immediate no brainer move by her. So so proud of you, girl. The use of the art in these moments was excellent. I felt my heart drop here when I turned the page and saw just how big Bear Man was.

Speaking of proud, MY GOD FINALLY MAOMAO. THAT ONLY TOOK YOU 12 VOLUMES AND 4 YEARS IN-UNIVERSE. Who knew Chue's near death would be the catalyst for Maomao making a move forward with Jinshi?? I actually really loved that scene between Maomao and Chue. Maomao actually using the word "love" even though that terrifies her to think of.

The insecurity of Jinshi, though, still takes me by surprise. He thought Maomao hated him? Maomao I know you're bad at conveying feelings but you really needed to say or do something there. Maybe that L word you so don't like to use? And now that they're an official couple Maomao immediately starts flirting and teasing Jinshi and my boy has no idea what he's in for.

Lastly, the poison dart Chue gave Maomao never got used. I really thought Maomao was gonna kill someone this book but I guess it was a red herring? Also, it took me until the end of the book to realise that was Chue in disguise on the cover 😂

That's the end of the Western Province Saga! We're finally going home again! Yay! Overall I think Western Province Saga might be my favourite one? Book 4 is still my favourite book but this run of books from 9-12 was outstanding. Maomao and Jinshi really grew up in this saga, Maomao especially. She's so much more engaged with everything around her, her sense of justice has jumped way up, her emotional maturity has sky-rocketed. She really stepped out of the shadow of her adopted father here and became more her own person. An adult, really.

Thoughts where this goes from here: for starters, I feel like Maomao is going to step more into the role of Lady and away from commoner. That's where she's been heading all series but to be a legitimate marriage choice for Jinshi she'll have to step up. Which means accepting her biological dad 🫣 Mysteries and schemes, I'm less sure about but the political stage just keeps getting bigger and bigger. I think eventually Maomao will head even further west but not for the foreseeable future.

That's a lot of words, sorry everyone! But I had a lot of thoughts about this book. Please share your own, I have no one to talk about this series with 😭