#(I feel like I can say that since I am completely the same x'D)

[mitamicah]

Not me getting an idea for a four piece sketch project with a band that nobody here knows :'D (yes, it is the Danish Bojan and co. x'D)

It all started with me being inspired to draw this yesterday (the song that inspired the artwork is linked below)

Now I want to draw one for each bandmember with different songs even if they'll do badly :'3

[darkkitty1208]

on fic writing and fandom: where am i going forward?

So. It's a bloody dull Friday and I'm writing this post--have been meaning to, for a while--because I can't stop thinking about it. It's just a few (a lot, actually) thoughts I've had in my mind the past few days that I've decided to spill into a single post, which turned out far longer than it needed to be, but nothing too important. Under the cut.

I've been a fanfic writer for a while now. Not a long time by any means, but a while nonetheless. My first fic--which is now orphaned like a few of its brothers for undisclosed reasons, though if you're an og you might be able to guess why--was dated back to the 18th of November 2021. 3 years later and I've got a humble 89 works and counting (the orphaned works and unposted wips unincluded). I can safely say I've improved quite a lot since then.

Where are you going with this, then, Kitty? Surely you aren't here just to brag about your writing progress?

Well. Not exactly. But I'll start with this: I guess what I'm trying to say is I've lost the spark.

You know. The old feeling. That boost of serotonin you get after you finish a piece you're proud of, or when you get lovely reviews on ao3, or when you get a kudos email, or a new mutual, or some wild tags under your silly post. The spark. I haven't felt it in a long time, now. The last time it's been so palpable was... I'm not sure. Probably last year's October. That was a lot of fun. I was most prolific in fic writing, that year. It shouldn't feel like a long time ago. Because it wasn't.

Don't get me wrong. I love all this. All that's going on right now. The comments I'm getting--even if fewer than I had before--and all the other interactions, I appreciate and enjoy and love them so, so much. And writing my newer fic projects are well exciting. But it just isn't the same anymore. I'm afraid it never will be.

(Maybe it has something to do with the lack of interactions lately. Maybe? I don't really know, either. I'm sure we're all well aware the fandom is past its peak, and with the current developments in the MCU I am frankly unsurprised, but I dunno.)

I guess that's part of the reason I've been less active lately. I've been inactive as a whole this year, admittedly, and disappearing far too often for far too long (and I notice some of my friends are, too). I just didn't get the same joy from being in a fandom like I had when I first started this blog, or my ao3 account.

In hindsight, I've probably been a little too dependent on fandom to provide me serotonin. The past few years have been hard, the years before that, too. Life just keeps kicking me in the arse time and time again. I guess I've been using fandom and fic writing as a coping mechanism, and once I've had my fill, the joy dies off to something a little more dull. Like a gum I've been chewing for too long that the sweetness has since worn off.

Honestly? I don't want it to be this way. I want to live without being so dependent on my presence online. I want to live without only knowing joy through internet interactions. I've got to learn to. It sounds silly, but it's true. (I think I may be slightly chronically online, oh no. x'D)

So naturally my first instinct is to distance myself a little. I contemplated quitting, but I can't do that. I don't see myself ever doing that, no matter how many times my brain convinces me that I might.

When this year started, I had set some goals for writing. One of them was to write for more whumptober prompts than I did last year or complete them all. I did like 21 prompts or something last year. Of 31. Within a little more than a month. While still balancing all the life stuff I had going on. This is, if not obvious, an extremely ambitious goal. I am not insane. I don't know what I was thinking. I can't possibly do that now, can I? Not with all the stuff that's been happening.

...

Can I?

...

Yeah, no. Definitely not.

See, that's another thing: writing. Probably the thing I'm trying to get at in this post but otherwise derailed completely from. Fuck my brain.

I'm sure many of you have noticed that I've been writing significantly less. I still post, obviously, but not as much as like, last year when the number of works I had went from a few to far too much. That had helped me improve quite a lot, actually, but those days I barely slept because I just insisted to replace my sleep time with Writing Shit For The Gays. It was pretty unhealthy now that I look back at it. My sleep schedule is still shit now but, yk. Some things just never change.

I was really, really caught up on wanting to be good at writing. Like, really good. I wanted to make awesome things. I wanted to write like a real fucking pro. Like all the more popular fandom authors I look up to. I want to be like the big dogs in fandom. It sounds so silly. I did everything; sprinting daily, setting a minimum of 500 words writing sessions every day, trying new writing styles, churning out works after works, writing for prompts and events and gifts and the like. I was enjoying it, yes, but was it really something I did for myself? Or was it because I wanted to please other people or impress other people for their validation, which is something I'm entirely too dependent of? Was it for the numbers?

Well. It was more for that than for me, I realised a little too late.

So yeah. Fuck wanting to be good. I want to write for the hell of it. I want to write something that's for me. Not what the majority of the fandom or other people want to read, but for me. Which is why I absolutely loved writing works like just a matter of time, how to kill a god, or how to become a god, because they're not meant for other people but myself. (Ironically that last work is a gift but, yk. I still liked it.) I know I joke about self-projecting a lot, but it's been seriously helping me rediscover the joy of writing that doesn't come from the incessant need to be good or perfect or focus on producing more and more and more. It makes me feel like a kid again. Also, I'm only realising this now but I'd rather get like 5 people who enjoy reading my works so much and express them to me rather than 100 people who silently thumbs up at me and then go away to consume another fic or demand more. (All this to say I still love interactions, it just shouldn't be my no. 1 priority to get them when writing fanfics.)

But yeah. None of those works are perfect. They're not meant to be. But they're mine. They're me. They represent me. And it's so, so great to feel that in writing. I've been so stuck up on being some sort of content machine. I'm doing this for myself, how could I forget? I've been saying this since the beginning, I don't know why I'm still struggling to do it. God. It's ridiculous.

Anyway. That's that. This has become a very long ramble. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk. And for letting me waste your time, if you make it to the end of this post.

[thenexusofsouls]

((sdfghdgfs I figured it'd be easier to respond to that ask in a new one, just because idk how easily the notes can show up ahah

but! I also have no issue with those kinda asks! C: For me, if it were an issue, I'd either delete it, answer it myself instead of Carter, or answer it ooc and explain my issue with it. So far, that,,, hasn't really been an issue? and usually if I answer for her it's because it's a topic that would genuinely bother Carter and isn't something she really can speak about, or it's something that's just easier for me to explain ooc versus ic. Plus, I,,, don't put a whole lotta canon stock into those kinda asks? like I have no issue making those things a part of her canon (or the canon for that thread/ship), but if I were to think of it in a more "reality" sense, because,,, why would Carter listen a complete stranger? xD I feel like it would be more of a "who are you get the hell out of my house" versus her spilling her guts and/or taking their word without even questioning anything about that interaction fshjdf

and like Silence said, I also have no issue writing out of order! My thoughts don't work in a linear fashion anyway, and I really do enjoy writing things outside of linear. I like writing from point a to point h to point c, because it's fun! C: Plus, none of what we write also really needs to be considered part of our ship's main canon, so to speak. Like, any stuff involving Pietro and Carter's kid is in an au verse, rather than it being a part of their main, so we have that variety and not so much a huge commitment to that plot! I very much so enjoy winging it when I write in certain ways, and I'm not really tied to having any particular thing happen in a specific fashion

also, I do wanna say I do understands your concern, nonnie, but I can definitely assure you, for Carter at least, her feelings for Pietro and Basch were very much so her own to begin with sdfgjhdsf - Carter fell for Basch in the ikau, and since she is still herself as seen in her main verse deep down, it was easy to reflect her feelings for him in her alt main! And with Pietro, I told Silence this, but I actually meant to reply to one of her opens for Pietro's birthday a year or so ago but never did because I was worried Carter would come across as flirty. Which,,, in hindsight, she absolutely was, and that happened before the anon started sending us stuff xD Carter was definitely into him before intervention, ahah - I just tend to overthink and was worried it would come across as me trying to force a ship or something, and that goes with anytime any of muses have feelings for another x'D

but uhh yeah! I'm not at all worried or bothered by any asks we get pushing our characters to say something or know about something before they would if we just wrote it ourselves C: Like Silence said, it's a fun way to get our characters to actually do/say something they wouldn't normally approach otherwise (or would in a different manner/way later), and, like she also said, it's always something we can redo later if we wanted!

personally, I'm here to have fun and enjoy the ride, and those kinda asks just add to it xD I just feel bad for Tony who's constantly getting whiplash from 'em DFSJHGSDFJHK

{i am the caretaker of souls} @starcchild, Okay cool, I didn't want to step on any toes, but it seems like we're on the same page. Yeah, I personally like jumping around too. I figure if we're here to have fun, then we should go where our inspirations take us. Why not write any scenes we want to, however we want to, whether they're in order or not? We're not limited or bounded by things we've written before. We can always rewrite or add onto what we've already written. I've had really developed ships for some of my muses that went for years, and then one day we decided... why not start all over again as if they didn't know each other, just for the hell of it? If you love the characters and you love how they interact, then nothing is boring and nothing is a waste because it's all enjoyable.

And yeah, that's a good point too. Pietro and Basch were definitely into Carter before those asks were sent, heh. It wasn't like those ships only happened because anons forced us into it. They were going to happen anyway, heh. And a lot of times, Midge and I are talking behind the scenes about things and potential threads, and then we'll get asks that are along the same lines. Or we'll get something and one of us will be like, well I never thought about that but it's a cool idea, let's do it. So if anything, these asks only add to our overall rp experience.

Don't worry, both Midge and I are perfectly capable of saying no, or not answering something, or answering OOC if need be, regardless of the reason for us needing to do so. It could be an issue with the muse, or we just don't want to go there for some reason. Some of you may remember me refusing to answer a lot of asks for Martha on this blog a while back because they got very inappropriate, and addressing that out of character. So yeah, don't worry about us. If we want to assert ourselves or we don't like an ask, we'll let everyone know. ;)

[imagine-your-love-story]

Random but I saw a post about self inserts. To bottle it down "why???? (/gen) self-inserting doesn't adds to the narrative???" - which wasn't malicious but damn it rubbed me the wrong way and I annoyed D: 1) Bold assumption I am not a foil to my f/o, thematically relevant to themes and/or overall my addition isn't crucial to what I am making (adding me literally change the whole genre of the source material into slice-of-life-comedy, in a way original cast couldn't be used bc I am methaphorically a clown unlished into a serious buisness meeting and that's why it works DFDFG) 2) Bold assumption narrative concerns me at all in the first place- In my case the goal is romantic feelings, affection and comfort. I cannot use any canon x canon to sumplement this bc I am highly apathetic with low empathy (my autism thing). Not like I feel myself ever represented by canon characters in *anything* anyway :| ALSO I've been also involuntarily socialy isolated from ppl for over 10 years (not going to end anytime soon either), the only ppl I have around is my neglectful mom and cat. And that's it. I live in a forest in the middle of nowhere. Not even neighbours. Our car broken down some time ago. Only mail gets here. One might only imagine how isolation and routine so extreme can fuck up a human, an extremely social being with social needs. I'm literally trying to keep myself sane here, narrative be damned- X'D 3) Also bold assumption that I like the rest of the cast of [source material], I want them to begone actually DFGF 4) Also I simply prefer to interact that way with media. It's fun to me. The same way I have a friend who hates anything self-inserty and always has to have a full-made protag (= not a fan of RPGs). And that should be all the explanation needed really :v

But sure, (gonna be salty 4 a sec) what a self-insert brings to *THE* narrative- since narrative must be upheld so highly and is (paraphrazing) "already complete with the original cast" :/ Honestly the assumption of ppl's s/is irrelevance here is somehow the most annoying. I've been through some bs alright. And I have some valuable things to say about it. I just don't want to do it by proxy of canon chara :/ And other ppl have complicated, deep inner lives (it feels insulting to imply otherwise ngl) so I assume same goes for others. And some ppl don't care at all bc they're just powerful and vibin' like that B) DFDF

(a me: @nekociapek / @ladynyat)

WHAT THE - 

WHY would someone say that???? That’s ridiculous!! -_- I don’t understand why people post sh!t like that. Even if it’s not really malicious, it’s still kinda negative and they can just...not say anything! There’s PLENTY of stuff in fandom(s) that I don’t understand and/or like, but I don’t waste my time on it. I move on and focus on what I enjoy instead!

Anyway - mini rant over

....ACTUALLY I’M NOT DONE 😡

1. There is literally NO requirement that our interaction with media of any kind MUST add to the narrative! That’s like saying, “A hobby is a waste of time unless you’re making money at it.” (BIG NO) That makes it sound like if we have any interaction with media, it’s our DUTY to add to the narrative.

Heck no it’s not!

2. The ENTIRE point of storytelling is to make us think. To find a piece of ourselves in the narrative. So OF COURSE self-shipping DOES add to the narrative in some way! We’re literally inserting ourselves into the narrative and interacting with it, just like EVERY person does when they listen to/watch/read a story! As soon as we consume the story and expose ourselves to it, we’re interacting with it!

3. It doesn’t matter if it adds to the narrative or not.  It doesn’t HAVE to add to the narrative. Self-shipping is literally not for anyone else except yourself. No, we’re not out here writing 100k AUs for some rando to read free (and then sh!t all over because “it’s not true to canon” or whatever 😒 ) Self-shipping is FOR YOU. Not anyone else. So it automatically adds to YOUR interpretation of the narrative!

4. Like you mentioned, canon often misses entire demographics. People aren’t seeing themselves represented in fiction so it’s THAT MUCH MORE IMPORTANT for EVERYONE to explore stories with a vision of themselves in mind in order to spread awareness and educate people.

I can’t tell your story. I haven’t lived your life. Likewise, you can’t tell my story because I’m the only one who has lived it. I know all the details of my story and you know all the details of your story.

Canon isn’t sacred ground that must remained untouched. At one time, it was just an idea, like the myriad of ideas rolling around in your head. Yes, the canon material managed to make it to a larger platform, i.e. Netflix, Hollywood, etc. But that really doesn’t make it any better than anyone else’s ideas. Mainstream media has had a LONG run of spreading narratives that are harmful - i.e. racism, fat shaming, etc. So it’s a damn good thing to NOT add to the narrative in some cases! :P

You have so many excellent points, lovely, and I’m so glad you shared your ask with me!! ♥♥♥ Fiction has provided understanding, acceptance, and some form of escape for centuries. Just one look at the oldest cave paintings in the world and you’ll see early artists painted hunters, LIKE THEMSELVES, into powerful stories of hunting bison and deer.

Fiction provides us sanctuary. It gives us a voice in this big world to say (and hear!) “You are not alone.”

Whether someone wants to interact with stories through self-inserts, original characters, RPGs, you name it - it’s all a celebration of storytelling! ♥

[emerald-amidst-gold]

Hi there friendo! I bring questions!

- What’s a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

- What would you describe as OOC?

- Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what’s your secret?

Hello, friend! And I am here to answer your questions! I like questions, so thank you for the ask~! X3

What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

Honestly, I'm not sure about this one. Mainly because I try to tag my work with all of the appropriate tags. One, so it can be found more easily. And two, so people know what they're getting into and can determine whether or not its okay for them to read. I take mental health very seriously, and I would hate for my work to trigger someone because I didn't tag a specific theme. And since my writing encompasses a lot of emotion, trauma, and other very deep concepts, the potential for someone to feel unnerved or become upset by it increases. I write so people can escape and enjoy; I don't write to take them back to the past or throttle them full force into a present they need a break from. :3

What would you describe as OOC?

Okay, so, I'm a little weird when it comes to what is and isn't OOC. Like, you see some people say, 'Oh, that character/this character would never say that/do that! You have to write what that character would say for it to be believable! Otherwise, that's OOC!' But, in my eyes, I think any character can say or do something that's 'out of the norm'. It depends on the situation, what that character is feeling in the moment, and what they've experienced.

Also, being a bit OOC can be a good thing. It can mean character development. There are obvious displays of a character being OOC in many works and even canon because of inconsistent writing, but I get a little chuckle out of things like that as long as they're silly and not completely taking that character's specific morality and chucking it out the second story window yelling, 'INCONVENIENT!'. I mean, hell, look at Fane. He can be angry in one breath, but can be completely calm about the same thing depending on the situation. People are emotional creatures, in or out of fiction. They all process things in their own way, and to say they wouldn't react a certain way because canon may not show us that? That's not how emotional responses work.

Can you accurately predict how long your fics are going to be? If you can, what’s your secret?

No. X'D

I cannot predict the length of my fics. That's the reason why I can never seem to finish a fic anymore. When I sit down to write, I'm mostly doing it nowadays to relax and escape to a better situation in my head. I just jump into a document and start jotting things down. Later, I go back and flesh it out, but then it grows. So, ending something that brings a smile to my face, that I find immense comfort in is...hard. I have a fifteen page document right now with just Fane and Solas going back and forth about any topic that pops up in my mind. It flits back and forth and there's no real build, but that makes the whole thing more natural to me. Conversations aren't structured; people jump between topics. And that’s what Fane and Solas end up doing in most of my unfinished works. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! :3

I'd like to finally finish a work again, (mainly my main fic. FFFF-!), to share a lot of ideas that I’ve had for years, but as of right now, I'm content to just...write. Write something silly, with no worry about how the dialogue flows or where exactly they are. Write something deep and emotional to help me work through some of my own problems. 

I just want to write. If that means I write a thousand different scenarios that end up being thousands of pages long of Fane and Solas being flipping dorks, then so be it. It makes me happy, and that’s the point. X3

[mitamicah]

Hell yeah asking time and you are damn right you took some sweet time 😂😸

Get ready for my asks:

📷💌🐸🌿🌸🧸🐶🐰🍫🎵 (👀👀👀👀👀👀👀)

Well I was too busy excitingly drawing Vogue Jere 😂(and sleeping OVO)

I can already see this will be long so here's a line for those not interested in the replies x'D

📷 My phone lockscreen

Well I should probably think about changing it but...

Leaves x'D

💌Do I talk to myself: All the dang time OVO both in first, second and third person x'D

🐸My aesthetic: As mentioned a few times I feel like I'm multitudes but I guess what is true for pretty much all of them is that I'm kind of like the mixture of a peacock and a fairy that is stuck in the body of a oversized gremlin - I have this flamboyant, flowery, feminine-but-in a masc way side I love yet at the same time I am drawn to comfy oversized clothes that may or may not fit me well x'D I hope it makes sense :'D

🌿Describtion of my favourite outfit: This is hard because I have a few :'D So I'll take two you already know :3 (Hopefully you can guess from the description). One is this burgundy shortsleeved shirt that just screams flowerqueer often paired with a dark green shirt with a subtle leaf design on it. To finish up the outfit I have some puffy, green coloured jeans in a loose fit (they are now so big I need a belt for them) paired with my sunflower band that has pronouns patches and aro flag on it ^V^ The other one is this seethrough longsleeved crop top with stylized print of suns, moons and stars (give me shagadellic rock vibes aka Joker Out but in a goth way). Since I still haven't had top surgery I will often pair it with either a black binder or a black tanktop and then for the pants I can either go fullblack shorts, these black pants with thunder design running down the legs or these tube formed pink pants (because Barbie core). To hold up the pants and to amp up the aesthetic I have a twolined stud belt with chains falling down is upsidedown waves. The look wont be complete without some necklaces so I mostly go for a black choker, this fairy-on-a-moon necklace I own (and probably now also my Thor's hammer I inherited from my grandmother). Fishnet hands and black racoon makeup is optional :3

🌸Best compliment I ever received: It is an old and probably worn out story for me to tell but I think the best compliment I received was when I was told that I had been lying to myself when I said I couldn't sing. Hadn't I been told that I am not sure I'd pursued music as an active hobby through attending summer camp and had I not been there I am not sure I would be this open and confident like I am today :'D

🧸Favourite place to nap: I wish I could nap :'3 I am so bad at sleeping in the daytime :'D

🐰What do I think says most about a person?: Hmmm... If I should go with my gut feeling on this one I'd say it is how they view others. It sounds strange but what I mean is that if they scowl at others for being different (having tattoos, fun hair, bipoc, disabled etc.) and/or am being bigotted openly to your face I think it says a lot about them more than it does about the people they are judging. I hope it makes sense :'D That said the option of not saying these things but instead show disgust through actions (internalised bigotry? I am not sure that's a phrase) can be just as revealing

🍫Cheese of chokolade: I am NOT a cheese person like at all :'D Some cheese will do but only on pizza. Other than that give me chokolade every day :'3

Thank you for the questions, Jay ^V^