#(I 100% understand why so many artists I knew over the years preferred staying here like wowie zowie)

[callie-cyxq]

I love it here so much, man.

[mcsplaced]

𝖘𝖚𝖓𝖓𝖎 𝖉𝖆𝖊 𝖎𝖓𝖙𝖗𝖔𝖉𝖚𝖈𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 . . .

Not everyone can say they’ve been to the Big Apple, but  [SUNNI DAE], a [FORTY] year-old [CIS WOMAN] has lived in [FLATIRON DISTRICT, MANHATTAN] for [TWENTY-TWO YEARS]. This is the city of dreams and [SHE/HER] knows it, because they came to NYC to be an [ACTRESS]. Living in the city means they meet all kinds of people, but everyone always seems to think they look like [SON YE-JIN]. They even got away with free cab fare once because of it!

hey, everyone ! here’s sunni. her about is listed here, her statistics are listed here, and her plotting page is listed here. if you’d like to claim any of the plots on that page or do some other plotting, shoot me a message ! i prefer discord, but i’m open to messaging on tumblr. my discord is limes#6826. give this a like and i will come to you for plots !

TRIGGER WARNING — child abuse ( mental ), mention of bullying, drug dependency issues ( namely alcoholism ), infidelity, abusive marriage, terminal illness

sunni born under the name dae eun-ha to an aspiring artist and a mother suffering from depression. sunni’s parents met in songpa-gu, seoul, south korea, where sunni would later be born, and quickly fell into a whirlwind romance. they would eventually marry a year before sunni’s birth. 

her father’s family had money thanks to his father’s possession of a chain business for restaurants and not long after the birth of sunni, her father was pressured by his wife to get a gig with the help of his own father. he landed in marketing after some training and the promise of an eventual degree. this pretty much drained the life out of him and he stopped painting, deteriorating into a shell of a man. 

( tw mental child abuse ) growing up was difficult for sunni, as her mother blamed her depression on the birth of sunni. she was a stay at home mother who was perpetually disappointed in anything sunni did and was neglectful due to her own dysfunctional marriage, mental illness, and trauma from an abusive childhood. as for her father, he never acted poorly toward her, but he simply wasn’t around. on the off chance that he did speak to sunni, he would spew hateful speech at her about society and the steady destruction of his life force.  ( end tw )

by the time sunni was four, the family was set up to move to los angeles, california, with the prospect of a higher paying job. this ended up being for naught as sunni’s father never really obtained a super successful job, only managing a small pay bump after years of working in los angeles.

childhood was rough for sunni as her parents would fight constantly over their class difference, financial issues, her mother’s general dissatisfaction with how their lives turned out, and her father’s infidelities. as a means of escaping her home troubles, sunni dove straight into the world of cinema. she found it easy to idolize specific actors and viewed a couple of them as her rightful parental figures. 

in school, sunni felt out of place. her parents had spent their money on tutors for a couple years ensuring sunni could skate by with her english, but she had difficulty communicating with others after a long summer with little practice or when it came to more difficult concepts. it wasn’t until junior high that sunni felt 100% confident in her english speaking abilities.

( tw mention of bullying ) sunni was timid and had extremely low confidence, and this caused her to be preyed on at times. the only time sunni was outspoken was in her theater club, where she landed relatively large roles within the production thanks to her passion for acting and persistent practice. as she grew into her adolescence, she finally began to see the flaws in her substitute parental figures. scandal after scandal followed the celebrities she idolized, and sunni couldn’t help but feel betrayed. ( end tw )

when sunni was sixteen, she began waitressing to save money for when she was able to move out. this paid off, and she moved into a small studio apartment in tribeca, manhattan, when she was eighteen. when sunni wasn’t working, she was performing in local theater productions. her confidence grew as she avoided exposure to a toxic environment and made a small group of likeminded friends. by the time she turned 21, she began bartending and made enough money to move into a two bedroom with a friend.

sunni’s life as a young adult was relatively uneventful until she was discovered by an agent at a show when she turned 23. in 2004, under the stage name “sunni dae”, she scored an audition for a pg family sitcom named the campbells. it wasn’t mean to be a big project, and after a couple auditions, sunni scored the lead role. 

( tw drug addiction ) not long after its introduction to television, it completely blew up. the show is likened to full house both in popularity and general vibe. though she started as a humble actress, the fame quickly got to sunni. her drug dependency issues began quickly after exposure to various substances at a party.

her drug of choice was alcohol, much like her father, and she began frequently drinking on set. sunni’s ego grew to be massive and she began treating others poorly because of it, unable to understand the woes of others if they didn’t pertain to her own life. ( end tw )

moving out of her two bedroom in 2005, sunni moved from tribeca to the flatiron district and top ( seventeenth ) floor luxury penthouse. this penthouse would later be what sunni calls the best thing she got from the campbells. in 2006, sunni officially changed her name from dae eun-ha to sunni dae. 

( tw depression, drug addiction ) sunni saw her celebrity idols smiling and happy in their fame, and wondered why she didn’t feel that same happiness. in fact, she felt isolated, bitter, and cynical; these feelings fed into her drug addiction. it didn’t help that her friendships began to fall apart thanks to her selfish behaviors and narcissistic tendencies. her parents were unresponsive to her fame, with her mother even expressing disappointment in the fact that she was a part of a show with cheap comedy and simple plot lines. ( end tw )

her career took a turn for the worse in 2007. toward the end of 2006, sunni began a relationship that would later turn into a highly publicized toxic marriage a little over half a year later. the marriage had multiple scandals and each news story plagued sunni’s reputation. this stain would follow her even into her forties, as she was considered a high risk individual to act as the face of a project.

it was also released at one point that sunni allegedly gave drugs to a younger cast member, though it wasn’t publicized which one it was. however, sunni wasn’t the only cast member who had public controversies. by 2011, the cast had racked up so many controversies that the show was cancelled, though it was given a proper ( rushed ) finale. in the same year, sunni got divorced, and thanked her lucky stars for the prenup.

after the campbells, sunni hired an skilled freelance investor to expertly invest her money for her; she would later be thankful for this as the few projects she did take after the campbells completely flopped. a frustrated agent would watch as looper’s inevitable “what happened to sunni dae?” video popped up after years of inactivity, though they did choose to stick by her side, as they had confidence in her potential. 

( tw drug addiction ) others did not see her potential, however, as she was simply “the lady from that old sitcom” in the acting world. to those who knew sunni, she was viewed as a destructive force with drug dependency issues and horrible interpersonal skills. she has had a couple relationships, but nothing serious as sunni’s partners eventually grow to acknowledge her toxic behaviors. ( end tw )

( tw terminal illness ) at the age of thirty-seven, sunni’s father passed away from acute liver failure. sunni thought she would feel something from this inevitability, but no out of place feelings came to her. ( end tw )

( tw assumed depression ) now forty, sunni spends most of her time inebriated and getting into shenanigans with new york locals. occasionally, she’ll still have a scandal that hits the news. she takes part in small projects, such as being the face of a bourbon or starring in commercials, but she’s actively looking for something to revitalize her career and give her life meaning again ( at least, that’s what she thinks ). ( end tw )

in the interest of learning more about things i may have cut out, feel free to check out her about page, listed above. you can also find more about her personality there.

[realtalk-princeton]

@Sulpicia do you have any advice on how to achieve such a high gpa in the humanities, when essay grades can sometimes seem subjective and different professors have different preferences? for ex, do you recommend using office hours in a certain way?

Response from Sulpicia:

I think that one thing to keep in mind is that I’m in a humanities major where empirical exams often determine 70-80% of your grade in a class; while they’re not usually curved, the language exams I took had a pretty similar format between classes, and so with every class you’re more prepared to engage with the material in that way. I personally think the best thing you can do to do well in a humanities class is to do the work; coming into class having prepared and done the readings will mean you have things to say, which translates into a better class discussion; this then will inevitably inspire thinking about what to write about for papers, and will also give you a better idea of how your instructor responds to your thinking. I’m not pretending that I showed up to class prepared 100% of the time, but I think sometimes people take humanities classes here and don’t take them seriously and then struggle at the end because they weren’t really trying to understand things on a week-to-week level.

In terms of writing papers, I generally tried to be in contact with instructors as much as possible throughout the process. Going to office hours with an idea (or, better yet, an outline) is really helpful, since you can get feedback before you spend a ton of time writing something that is founded on a mistaken assumption (which was something I did a LOT in my thesis process) or following a line of argument that might not be as strong as you initially think/hope. I often tried to come up with paper topics early on and even when (as was inevitably the case) I didn’t write anything, I knew I a) had the green light from a professor and b) was passively thinking about the topic for a long time. I also tried to write about things that made me excited, since the best papers are the ones you actually care about.

I actually have not found that professors have hugely different expectations for writing, because at the undergraduate level, good academic writing is good academic writing. I’m not the best essay writer in the world, but here are some tips I have for essay writing that I’ve learned over the past few years:

- Structure is so important, and is something a lot of essays miss. You should have a clear thesis statement of 1-2 sentences for a term paper, and this should be clearly positioned at the end of your introduction. For a shorter paper (5-10 pages) this should be at the end of the first page or top of the second page, while for longer papers, a JP, or a thesis chapter, they can be a little bit further in. Overlong introductions are my weakness as a writer, but a good intro basically just needs to provide the context you need to set up your thesis statement. I would stay away from the “three-pronged” thesis you learned in high school, but your thesis should correspond with the structure of your paper by presenting your claims in the order you will address them.

- Structure is important in your main body too! Write an outline before you begin your essay that briefly sketches out the progression of your argument and what evidence you will use to prove each part of it. Use transition words to link together ideas, and make sure to regularly tie back all of your claims to the main idea of your paper. Don’t write anything that does not support your thesis or provide a counterargument that you can then mitigate or disprove. Always let your reader know where they are in your argument, and don’t be afraid to refer back to earlier parts of the paper.

- Every sentence should matter. When you’re presenting a piece of evidence or analysis, think about its relationship to the one previous. Is that relationship meaningful? If not, the sentence shouldn’t be there (or should be placed elsewhere in your paper). The ideal is that every piece of your paper will follow naturally from what immediately precedes it, guiding the reader on a nice walk through your argument.

- In the humanities, close engagement with primary sources is key. Yes, you need to use secondary scholarship. However, engagement with the “scholarly conversation” should be second to your unique contribution, which is your close reading of the text/images at hand. This was something I struggled with in my thesis, since I felt so pressured to read all the scholarship and lost my close focus on primary sources. The absolute first thing you should do when you write a humanities paper is sit down with the sources you’re analyzing and think about them. What questions do they raise for you? Why are they confusing or contradictory? How does this source connect what you discussed in lecture, precept, or seminar? What can one source say about another? If you can, annotate the source on a piece of paper or take notes alongside it.

From there, you’ll start to find your unique insights which will form the backbone of the paper. Then, if this is a research paper and not just a close reading, look at secondary sources. If you have your own opinions about a primary text, however naive, you’ll feel more confident looking at *the discourse*. Sometimes, this will answer questions you had about the text, and so you don’t need to do that work in your paper. Other times, it will give you more interpretive tools to understand a text (e.g. you might find that X feature of the writing is typical of a certain genre, and you can think about the implications of that on your text). Sometimes, it’ll show you that the scholarly consensus is, in your opinions, totally wrong; for example, one chapter of my thesis was inspired by the fact that I visual source I thought was straightforward and was going to use in another chapter had in fact been pretty clearly misread by scholars, so my new project became proving why my identification was correct. However, any engagement with scholarship should only work to support your argument; unless you’re doing a lit review or writing about scholarly history (in which case the scholarship is your primary source), you don’t just want to slap different people’s opinions next to each other.

- Use lots of evidence and use lots of analysis. Graders are not mind readers, even if they are familiar with the material you’re studying. Good essays will present a lot of evidence; one thing I find helpful is breaking up longer quotes into shorter sections and treating them separately. Every piece of evidence should also be given analysis about why a) it is proving whatever point you’re making in the paragraph and b) how this connects to your larger argument. Part (b) might be implicit, but many essays could be stronger by making clear, distinctive points. Obviously not every piece of evidence merits a lot of analysis, and you can feel free to draw together several quotes to make one larger point.

- Speaking of, make specific claims. This refers both to the evidence that you use and how you use it. It’s totally okay to make general statements about a work, or an author, or an artistic movement; you couldn’t write an essay without doing that. However, those broad claims need to (at least in part) be grounded in some form of evidence; this can come from a secondary source or from an illustrative quote from a primary source. Inexperienced essay writers will be too vague and general--while there are dangers in getting to hyper-specific, I think it’s important that if you make a claim in your paper, you point to the specific thing that made you think that way (this is also a good way to avoid misconceptions/bad assumptions in your argument). When you’re using evidence, you should also try to say something as specific as possible about it, rather than just continuing to string up evidence and restating your thesis. Your thesis statement is just a summary of your ideas; your reasoning should be more nuanced and complex than that one concept. The more specific you are the more original you are, which helps you make points.

- Revise, revise, revise! When I did HUM, I would write up to five drafts of each paper. As a senior, I’ve gotten a lot lazier about this, but part of the reason I could do that was because I had learned a lot from revising previous papers and knew what mistakes to avoid. I think that papers grow the most between a first draft and a second draft. My favorite way to revise (and this is what I did with my thesis, JPs, and many papers I’ve written at Princeton) is to take a draft, print it out (with professor comments, if applicable), and then go through and retype the whole thing into a blank document. Optionally you can mark it up yourself as well, which is probably for the best. I like this because it means you have to read every word of your paper and also don’t feel bound by its existing structure; you can move paragraphs or shuffle things around more easily. I also always find myself adding more things or rephrasing analysis, which improves the paper. You’ll never come up with every idea in a first draft, so it’s good to revisit the paper as much as you can.

- Ask other people to read your work. We all have bad writing habits, from overuse of certain words to repetitive syntax to skipping steps in our logic. These things are not always obvious to us, but are very obvious to other readers. If you can, ask a friend (or writing center tutor, or instructor) to read your paper and help you identify these “bad habits” so you’re more conscious of them in future drafts. They can also often help you see where you skipped a step in your structure or the logic of your argument, or where your treatment of evidence doesn’t fully make sense. This is not always an option, of course, but especially early on, having people who will frankly tell you what’s not working will be helpful to your development as a writer.

- Learn from your mistakes. Criticism, even of the kindest, gentlest, most constructive kind, is hard to hear. To be honest, I would sometimes put off writing my thesis for hours because I was so embarrassed that my advisor had seen a stupid mistake I’d made in my writing (which is entirely irrational, yes, I get it). However, it is very important not only to bask in the positive comments on your paper, but to look at any more constructive ones to see what you can do better next time. Every paper teaches you how to write the next one better. Keep old papers and use them as teaching tools; you might even find it helpful to pin a list of things you know you need to remember when writing next to your desk or on your computer desktop. Professors offer comments because they want you to do better and understand more, not because they want to tear you down (unless they’re really mean).

Anyway this was kind of long-winded, but hopefully at least a little helpful as Dean’s Date approaches (the one lesson I never learn is how to stop procrastinating). I don’t know if there’s a secret to having a good GPA. I don’t consider myself to be brilliant or industrious at all, really; I think I’ve been lucky, taken classes that suited my academic strengths, come into them prepared, and really spent time understanding what exams and papers are trying to assess and then crafting my responses accordingly.

[greatbakesandrealestate-blog]

I Read 88 Books in 2019, and Here’s What I Thought about Them

Why did I read 88 books?

I originally wanted to read 100 books in 2019, but I unfortunately made the goal in the middle of the year, so for 2019, I’ve read just 88. I wanted to keep track of their titles to see which I would and would not recommend. Since writing and reading about 88 books sounds exhausting, I’ll just highlight some surprises I had along the way. But I’ll also link my full list as well!

I realized some of the pitfalls of two of my favorite genres: Sci-Fi and Horror

When I started looking for books to add to my reading list, I knew I liked movies that focused on antagonists that represent facets of human nature that we fear, and I knew that many samples from Sci-Fi and Horror genres delivered on that front.  But I noticed in most of the the books I disliked reading in 2019 from these genres, they had a pattern. They were filled with in-your-face sexual themes or the author deemed sexual tension to be the best vehicle to deliver their themes. Examples of books I don’t recommend for these reasons are Stranger in a Strange Land by Heinlein, Altered Carbon by Richard Morgan, and American Psycho by Bret Ellis.

But this pattern makes perfect sense when I think about something we fear that’s rooted in the human condition, we fear isolation. And writers and artists can often be isolated and distressed due to their pastor the demands of their profession. I prefer more calm, collected authors usually, ones that do not get self conscious about their personal fears, ones that focus on the bigger picture and the world they create. The theme of isolation is handled excellently in my opinion in the book Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Philip K Dick or I am Legend by Richard Mateson, it is obvious in both of these books that the author thought of the world they were creating reflect our world, just enough to make it feel real, only distorted by a fear we all share. Something we can all relate to.

The label of “Classical Literature” is confusing

Another aim I had while making a reading list for myself was to read classical literature and see why each title was held to that standard of “classic“. I assumed that books in this category would be labeled that way because of popularity or themes or skillful writing that stands “the test of time”. Who actually knows how long a book must be widely appreciated to earn this title? I’m definitely not sure, but I’ll assume it’s at least 10 years.

1984 by George Orwell was well constructed and haunting, The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris was creepy and creative, I could understand why those are classic. Meanwhile titles like A Clockwork Orange by Anthony Burgess, The Great Gatsby by Scott Fitzgerald, and The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas have me a bit confused as to why they are “classics“.

Clockwork Orange is meandering, difficult to read due to an in-universe language that is all-over the place, and has no translation guide to be found unless you google it. The author cuts corners in order to propel the absurd without an effort to guide the reader to a suspension of their belief.  The Great Gatsby is clumsy as it describes elements of furniture, people and rooms in way that confused me as whether he was done setting the stage or not, for a few chapters. The Count of Monte Christo centered on a man who was tortured by circumstance surely, but could not make up his mind for far too long. Despite the book taking a religious tone, most of the main lead’s lines were praising God in one moment and denouncing him in the next.

I understand that by no means does one opinion determine what is a classic and what is not. Though I am intrigued by the trend of former high-school students disliking classical titles they were assigned in school. Despite the qualms I may have, I’m still curious to read more classics and see what they actually are like. I’m pleased that I found some classical books that I can remember for a long time.

Final Thoughts

I would all in all, highly recommend that when you aim to read a certain number of books in a year, a few months, or even a week, that you keep track of the titles, and note down what you thought of them. This has helped me greatly, as I can now see patterns much easier among books I loved, and books I didn’t love. I can’t wait to write my post about my 2020’s completed book list. Happy reading, and stay safe!

Written March 27th, 2020  

[didon]

My two cents on this whole Taylor Swift drama

I normally only reserve my rants for tv shows, but I’ve seen enough crap in the last day that I kinda want to add a little to it.

First of all, I’m not a swiftie or whatever her die hard fans call themselves. Do I like some of her music sure, but there are other songs that make me cringe the same way there are things that happened with her that made me dislike her and others where I’m now looking back at and thinking that it was just me wanting to fit in and that it was ‘’cool’’ to hate on her. Cause I think that there really is a movement where you have to hate on successful women because they are not perfect until the point where they are no longer human beings but actual mythological creatures that we must revere or die otherwise (Beyonce and the Bee Hive come to mind). Has Taylor always been right? Nope. It’s that simple, she has done some not so great things and instead of trying to understand them, I just went with the motion of hating her because I thought it made me special (it did not).

Secondly, to the people saying that he didn’t bully her, that it was his client, remind me his job again? Dudebro is a manager. His job is literally to MANAGE people, to make sure that the celebrities he has under his care not only receive the best but are also perceived as great. Seems like him allowing Bieber to post a dig at a woman for no reason and then not issue an apology right after was a bad managing decision because the only thing it did is make him and his clients seem like pissy little boys that can’t take people not agreeing with him. Him allowing Kanye (because tell me how he could not have vetoed that whole video that I’ll talk about later) to show someone that he knew Kanye had a troubled relationship with naked WITHOUT that person permission is a bad management decision. Especially since it could have led to more than one lawsuits toward his client. I feel like a manager normally tries to avoid his clients getting sued. So either he allowed her to be bullied by his clients and probably had his own hand in it or he’s shitty as his job and should not be allowed to manage anybody. Because it has to be one or the other, there is no third options where he didn’t advise his clients not to do bad things and had no knowledge of it. If anything, he could have at the very least if that was the case wrote his own appology for being in Bieber instagram. No instead he chose to stay silent, giving his approval toward it and to keep people that were attacking a female celebrity for pissy reasons as clients.

Thirdly, concerning the whole Bieber thing. Dude has to stop talking. He is not someone that can truly speak having grown up being influenced by Dudebro. Didn’t he sign Bieber when he was still a minor and everything? And yet he allowed him to make a fool of himself more than once, to be agressive toward more than one person knowing that it could cost sales. Dudebro was both a bad manager and a bad friend toward Bieber. Bieber who seems to act as if a lot of his fanbase isn’t young influencable girls that he is pushing toward not only bad decisions like bullying someone else because the friend of a friend doesn’t like them and also supporting people that are homophobic. Because let’s remember that for a long time (and I think still now but I’m not 100% sure), Bieber was friend with this pastor who was known for being homophobic. You can’t call someone coming at your friend a bully, but then have one of your close friend be someone telling others that something they have no choice in makes them bad, evil in some cases and that the one person that is supposed to love them (I’m talking about God here for the Catholics) hates them. How many queer people are we going to lose to suicide because they are constantly told by some biggots that God hate them, that they are going against everything that is good, that they shouldn’t be allowed near children, etc.? And no saying that just because you attend his congregation and hang out with him doesn’t mean you don’t agree with him. This isn’t the same as someone prefering strawberry milk over chocolate milk, this is someone spewing hate to who not only are you giving a platform by being near them (because yes it does), but are listening to. How many young teens are going to see that guy and go ‘’hey Bieber follow him so maybe he’s right’’? When you chose to be a celebrity, yes it means that you lose part of your privacy, but it also means that you should be obligated to lend your voice to those who aren’t listened to. Taylor Swift did that with her letter against homophobia, with her video and her support of queer artists. Bieber does that by giving a biggot relevance and then getting mad when his ‘’friends’’ are called out on their bad behaviours.

Fourtly, the whole Kardashian/Kanye thing. I can’t believe it’s 2019 and it has to be addressed but it is NEVER okay to showcase somebody else’s naked body even if it’s for ‘’Art’’ without their permission. His video was not only revenge porn, it’s an attack on her. Revenge porn is mostly defined as sharing private pictures of someone. This isn’t the case. She didn’t send his a naked wax art of her body. As far as I’m concerned, this is straight up violating her privacy and her body. And not only hers but the one of everybody else included in that video. Sure he probably has the signed statement from his wife saying it was okay, but does he has the one from every single other person? Also stating where their wax double would be placed? Because I’m pretty sure that Rihanna wouldn’t have said yes to her body being exploited by a man and placed next to someone who’s biggest relevance is the fact that he ABUSED her. It’d be the same as a celebrity asking fans to stop drawing porn of them and then getting backlash from their fans because they believe that they own that celebrity body. Your body is your own and no egomaniac should be allowed to have a naked wax statue made of it and put it in his video. Speaking of videos, Kim’s one is void. Not only is it clear that the video has been edited, but it was ILLEGAL!! A court would not take it as proof of anything just based on this alone. This is the same as a cop breaking and entering to get proof to arrest someone because a warrant takes too long and he’s sleeping with the other suspect. I don’t care if she actually agreed to one line and not the other or whatever. The whole video is void and should never be mentionned because it’s something illegal that again violated someone’s privacy which a celebrity should really know about. Especially Kim. The whole claim that Kanye made Taylor famous is ridiculous too. Bitch didn’t make her famous, he made an ass of himself. She became famous with her own hard work and good strategy (something her manager might have a hand into). What he did at that award show was just stealing a moment from a woman because he was prissy he didn’t get his way. There’s a reason why Beyonce gave the stage to Taylor and that everybody got mad at him. He took a young woman achievement and try to ruin it because it wasn’t what he wanted. That shows clear immaturity and if anything it made him more famous that it made her. She wasn’t known as Kanye’s victim, she was known as a singer while he was known as the guy that made an ass of himself and ruined a 20 years old big moment. I don’t care who deserved the award more or if he was right, nobody else does it and for a good reason. I may not have always have agreed with award winners, but you haven’t seen anybody stopping Matthew McConaughey speach saying sorry to interrupt but Chiwetel Ejiofor had one of the best performance ever. It’s almost like his manager should have stopped him from making a fool of himself.

Fiftly, just a little mention for Demi Lovato that came to Dudebro defence. Girl is coming out of a very emotional situation, is probably not 100% okay yet so don’t send her hate. Plus, she has known him about two months and he makes money off her so he has probably not been a dick to her. Her entire defence may even have his hand in it since people around her may be employed by his company. I almost killed myself over a year ago and I know that I’m still very emotional and that people can still have a big influence on me depending on how I’m feeling. I can’t imagine being around people that may not have your best interest 24h/7. On her claim that he is not homophobic because he signed her though, I will say that she can’t refute somebody’s experience with the man simply based on her own especially since she’s a famous artist that probably brings him a lot of money. Plus, while she’s a queer woman that consider herself fluid (and good for her tbh), it doesn’t mean that she has the same experience as a gay person. She has (mostly) dated men in the recent years and biphobic people will use it as an excuse to say that while she is ‘’fluid’’ she’s mostly straight (which is bull, but that might be how they see her in her mind). She can’t come at a gay man and say that because she’s also queer, the man cannot be a bigot toward anybody in the queer community. Heck, queer people in the queer community are bigots toward other members. How often do we hear transphobia or biphobia coming from queer people? The answer is too often. Especially black queer people who are often erased from their own history (*cough* stonewall and camp *cough*)! My own father was super friendly toward a trans tennant he had, calling her by her name and the right pronouns like it was nothing, only using her deadname on the official papers since it wasn’t officially changed, but to me he told me that if I came out as trans he would kick me out because I am his daughter not his son. If you asked that woman than yeah my dad is a great ally, but she wouldn’t know how he interacts with other queer people including his own daughter.

Finally, on the whole master thing. Shut up. She wrote the songs so I don’t care who owns the right right now or if they gave her a chance to ‘’buy’’ them back. This is her own work. When Devianart started selling artists art without their consent because they ‘’owned’’ it, how many people did I see on this website calling for a boycott? How many people were pissed and swore that it was horrible and that no artist should ever lose the right to their own art? Well, it’s exactly the same for her. Yes even for those songs of hers I hate. She put her time, her effort in them and so they should be hers. The idea that some white dudebro has right over them is ridiculous. The fact that he will own her feelings, a part of her soul should be upsetting especially since one of his artist already violated her body by showing it naked without her consent. I would be furious if I was raped and a friend of my rapist got the right to some of my writing. Heck, I would probably be a lot more agressive than she was in that post. The fact that she managed to stay polite and calm is a miracle if you ask me. Especially since he will be making money of a video that his friend and client didn’t even deem good enough to win an award!! Cause let’s remember that as cringy as it might be to look back at how we were all obsessed with some of her music video (god knows I was even though I would have never admitted it at the time), a man representing someone who put her down for one of them is going to make money off them. 

This is in no way acceptable and I encourage people to raise their voices against this and to keep those boys (because they are not men let’s be honest) accountable for their actions. Cause when Kesha needed help getting away from her rapist, Taylor Swift gave it to her and no matter how famous you are, you deserve to have people stand up for you. I’m not saying send hate, but keep holding men accountable for their shitty behaviours and for the creepy thing they say about women. We are not their objects, they do not own us in any way and we need to unite to stop them disrespecting us!! No matter your feeling on Taylor Swift and her music or her previous actions, this is something hateful that’s happening to her and women need to stand up and support each other! We own it to each other!!

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z 036

It’s the Namek Saga!   I have mixed feelings about this arc, and I’ll try to explain them.  

So I got into DBZ when it first aired on Toonami in the fall of 1998.  I don’t recall exactly how it was aired, but I’m pretty sure they showed four or five episodes a week, every week, until they got to the Goku/Recoome fight, and then they would start over.   Somewhere along the way they aired Movies 1, 2, and 3.  

Now I was just a casual viewer in those days, so I wasn’t going out of my way to watch them in order.   I didn’t exactly like the show much; I just watched it because it was on, and I was sort of curious about what would happen.     The Saiyans arc impressed me because it did a good job buildng suspense.   But you could skip a few episodes and not really miss much.   There were plenty of recaps, and not that much happened in any single episode.

The Namek Saga had some trouble following this formula, though.    Once the heroes got to Namek, it was hard to really measure any sort of progress being made.   The overriding strategy was to stay in one piece until Goku arrived to even the odds, except the supporting cast was pretty threadbare by this point.   They couldn’t exactly kill anyone off in the Namek Saga, because they had killed so many guys off in the Saiyans arc, and if you took out any more there wouldn’t be anyone left to tell the story with.   So it felt to me like much of the arc was just the gang marking time until Goku showed up.  

And this wouldn’t have been so bad, except that whenever Goku finally did show up, he’d punch Recoome’s lights out and that would be it.   Toonami would run out of episodes and start over with Episode 1.   I remember at least once when I was kind of following more closely to see if they’d finally put some new eps in the rotation, and then... no such luck.   Goku shows up, whoops the Ginyu Force, Bill Murray wakes up in the hotel room to “I Got You, Babe.”

I feel like this has colored my opinion of the arc.   I was trying to remember exactly what I didn’t like about it, and my criticisms aren’t really all that valid.   “It’s too long,” but it isn’t.   It’s 32 episodes long, and that’s three episodes shorter than the Saiyans Saga.   “There’s no big fights,” but there are.   Vegeta vs. Zarbon is pretty cool, and Recoome smacking Team Three Star around is  fun.   “It’s unsatisfying,” but not really.   Frieza gets extremely pissed as the arc wears on, and Goku shutting down the Ginyus and Vegeta at the same time is awesome.  

For a time, I struggled with the rewatchability of DBZ.  It was hard to get invested in older episodes, because for a while it felt like the battles were pointless back when no one knew how to turn Super Saiyan.   Eventually I got over this and learned to appreciate the show beyond the novelty of a first-time viewer, and I think that’s helped me respect the Namek stuff more.   In particular, when I read the manga version, I found it much brisker than the anime.   Maybe it sounds weird to say this, but for me, knowing which parts are filler helps me appreciate the filler more.  

So I’m looking forward to analyzing this arc in greater depth, and forming a more nuanced opinion of it.    It’ll probably never be one of my favorites, but I bet I’ll come away with a greater appreciation of it. 

First off, we gotta wrap up the loose ends of the Saiyans arc.   Krillin just let Vegeta leave the planet, because Goku asked really nicely.   Yajirobe doesn’t understand that, so he calls Krillin an idiot.   Why didn’t Yajirobe finish Vegeta off?   He took him down with his sword, and then he stood there like a jerk and gloated instead of cutting off his head.

Krillin picks up naked baby Gohan and brings him over to half-naked ER patient Goku, but then an airship arrives, and out pops Chi-Chi.

She leaps over Goku’s body and grabs Gohan out of Krillin’s arms.

Fans give Chi-Chi a lot of crap for her behavior in this episode, and I’ll bet you a dollar that none of them have children of their own.    Gohan’s five years old in this episode, and Chi-Chi hasn’t seen him since he was four.   One day he just left and didn’t come back.    Now she’s finally close enough to touch him and he’s all beat up and unconscious.    What would you do?

You know what?   Goku did have it hard, but he’s a grown-ass man.   He’s not entitled to Chi-Chi’s attention right now, but Gohan is.   I think Goku knows that better than anyone in this episode, which is why you never see him complain about being ignored.

Bulma’s pretty upset about all of their dead friends, particularly Yamcha, because she used to be sweet on him, and particularly Kami and Piccolo, whose deaths mean that they can’t use the Dragon Balls to wish Yamcha back to life.   She bawls out Yajirobe for not doing more during the fight.   She’s got a point, although Yajirobe probably did more good by holding back and picking his spots.   If Yamcha had shown the same level of caution, well...

I sort of get Yajirobe’s attitude here.    Everyone talks to him like he’s a piece of shit, and when he musters up the courage to be somewhat responsible, everyone still talks to him like he’s a piece of shit.   And then they wonder why he doesn’t help out more often.   He can’t win.

The gang loads Goku into the aircraft and then they head back to the first battlefield so they can collect the corpses of their friends.  It’s a pretty somber ride, until Krillin finally explains his theory that they might be able to wish their friends back to life after all.

This is a pretty cool moment right here.   There was a time when Master Roshi was happy to be surpassed by so many young and talented martial artists.   Now, they’ve all been killed.  Goku and Krillin were wished back, but the Dragon Balls no longer work, so that’s it.   The next time Goku and Krillin die, they’ll be gone for good, and Vegeta’s up in space somewhere planning to make that happen very soon.   But Master Roshi lives on, and he’s completely powerless to do anything about these new enemies. 

For some reason, I forgot about all these scenes of Yamcha, Tien, and Piccolo being loaded into capsule coffins.   Of course, the Ocean Dub never would have shown this part, because Saban had the script edited so that they were all blasted “into another dimension”.   Showing their dead bodies would have undermined that already flimsy concept.   Still, for some reason I remembered Krillin informing Roshi that they would find no remains for Chiaotzu, on account of him blowing himself up.  

Bulma starts reminiscing about all the good times she had with Yamcha.    That gets kind of awkward, because she spent most of their relationship being mad at him.  This one flashback of them walking together never actually appeared before.   Judging from Bulma’s Raditz-Era clothes, I’d say this would have been right before she got mad at him before they parted ways between Dragon Ball and DBZ.  

I prefer to remember Yamcha this way, standing proud on his own, rocking the Turtle Hermit dogi, got the long hair flowing down his back, giving the audience a low-key but heartfelt thumbs up.    Vaya con Dios, Yamcha.

Gohan wakes up and Chi-Chi mothers him the way only a mother can.  

He looks in the back and finds his dad, badly hurt but still smiling.    Look how happy the li’l guy is.    It was a tough year, but he made it all the way through, and now he’s got his parents back.   

Yajirobe tries to give Chi-Chi shit for ignoring her husband in favor of her son.   First of all, fuck you, Yajirobe.  Like you’ve got any business telling anyone how to act in public.   You spend most of this episode picking your nose in the background while the others talk.    Second of all, Chi-Chi knows her husband had the time of his life almost getting killed today.   Gohan’s the one who needs her right now, whether anyone will admit that or not.   

Yajirobe asks Goku if he can hit her.   Yeah, go for it, Yajirobe.    Make a move, I fucking dare you.    I take back what I said before, Yajirobe sucks.  

Anyway, Krillin lays out his big idea.    When the Saiyans first saw Piccolo, they recognized him as a Namekian, an alien from the planet Namek, and Vegeta said that the Dragon Balls must have been a product of Namekian magic.   During the battle, Vegeta abandoned the plan of using Earth’s Dragon Balls, in favor of simply going straight to Namek and finding more powerful Dragon Balls there.   Krillin thinks he must have been on to something.    If Piccolo and Kami were originally from Namek, then it stands to reason that there’s Dragon Balls there that still work.   All they have to do is go there and find them, and they can wish their dead back to life.

The problem is that no one even knows where the planet would be, but Goku contacts King Kai and asks him, and he knows all sorts of things about it.    After praising Goku and the others for their efforts, he looks up its coordinates...

... and he gives some background on the planet’s recent history.   He had believed that a natural disaster wiped out the entire population of Namek in the past...

... but he can sense fewer than 100 still living on the planet today, so the severe weather didn’t kill them all.

While they talk this all out, the gang begins to realize that the Namekian who split into Kami and Piccolo must have been a refugee, sent to Earth to escape the natural disaster on Planet Namek.    For whatever reason, no one ever came to get him after the crisis abated.   King Kai assures them that the Namekians are a gentle people, not like Piccolo at all.

On the contrary, Piccolo’s evil was probably born from the corrupting influence of Earthlings, so who’s the real Demon King, I ask you?

While they all discuss this, Bulma crunches some numbers and determines that Namek is simply too distant to reach by spacecraft.   The fastest ship Capsule Corp. has would take 4339.25 years to make the trip, and that’s just one way.  

You know, I remember Bulma being pretty snotty about this in the Ocean Dub, almost like she was glad to burst everyone’s bubble.   I can imagine an alternate universe where “4339 years and three months” would have become the big meme instead of “Over 9000.”    Ah well.

But Krillin’s got a solution in mind.   He saw Vegeta leave in his spaceship, but it was clearly a one-seater.    In the dub, he points out that there’d be no way that Nappa guy could have fit in there with him, so I just want to pass along that mental image.    Anyway, the point is that Nappa must have come to Earth in his own ship, which must still be lying around somewhere.   And Krillin stole Vegeta’s keyfob when he left, so he’s pretty sure they can use it to recover Nappa’s ship.    From there, Bulma and her dad can reverse engineer the thing and it can make the trip in a much shorter time.

And now Bulma’s sold.   I like that about her.    A minute ago, it was impossible, not because Bulma’s a pessimist, but because she can only work with the technology available to her.    Hand her an alien spaceship with a faster-than-light engine, and she completely changes her tune.   She’s so scary good with gadgets that reverse-engineering alien tech is nothing to her. 

Everyone laughs.

THEN THEY POINT.

Then they laugh again.  

Goku tried to point too, but his arm has an owie.

[k-odyssey]

I’m about to dissect Ryan’s abandonment/adoption story so I feel like I should write a disclaimer first. Do I really expect a kdrama to be 100% realistic? No, I don’t. Of course not. But when it’s not obvious what’s real and what’s made up, I like to dig around a little. And learning the context around a work of fiction is never a bad thing. Obviously this will contain spoilers for Her Private Life.

Some of my questions may be answered next week… I hope so. Feel free to correct me if you notice something’s not accurate.

So, here’s what we know:

Ryan’s Korean name is Heo Yoon Jae.

He celebrates his birthday in September, on the day he was adopted, but I think we can safely assume that the birth year we’ve been given in the 1st ep – 1987– is correct.

He grew up in the US, his adoptive mother is Korean

His birth mother’s artist name was Lee Sol. She went abroad to study, there were rumour that she had a baby. Gong Eun Yeong was her real name. (btw has she changed her name? i can’t remember if we’ve heard it again since she appeared)

Lee Sol/Gong Eun Yeong says she never meant to abandon Ryan/Yoon Jae. She had an accident, her son was left by himself and later ended up in a orphanage. It took her a long time to recover but when she did, she couldn’t find her son.

Seong Mi, Eun Gi and Yoon Jae all know each other from childhood. Maybe they lived in the same neighbourhood? I guess we’ll know more about that next week. I am still very confused.

My questions:

What about Yoon Jae’s biological father? Since we’ve been told that “there were rumours she had a baby” and he is never mentioned once, I’m assuming he wasn’t in the picture. But why is her son’s last name Heo, if hers is Gong? Side note: what about Cha Shi An? No mention of his father, either.

How does one lose a child old enough to know his name?

If Yoon Jae was found, they would look for his parents. And we know he was found. He knew his name. How wasn’t he reunited with his mother or another family member? There should have been records that his mother was involved in an accident, right? Cha Shi An said that his grandfather threw away his mother’s paintings after her accident. So there is at least that relative, although he may not have liked the fact that Yoon Jae was born out of wedlock and preferred him to be left in an orphanage. That is one possibility: they reached out to his family, his mother was severely incapacitated, his grandfather was like “take that child away”. That sounds awful but kind of realistic.

If Yoon Jae had his birth father in his life, that whole thing makes no sense, obviously.

If the grandfather wasn’t involved (or another family member), I would assume that a child that has a mother wouldn’t be put up for adoption? If she was temporarily not able to take care of him, wouldn’t he stay at the orphanage/a foster home until she’s well again? She does say it was never her intention to leave him there. Or she  could have left the child with a friend or someone she trusted (like Deok Mi’s mother? because she apparently did know Yoon Jae). [I looked into it, as far as I can tell foster care wouldn’t have been widely available back then but it did exist.]

Also did his mother ask for him to be taken to an orphanage or did he just end up there after being found?

How come Ryan and his mother never found each other, despite wanting to?

Ryan speaks Korean and was brought up by a Korean mother. Very helpful when you want to request documents or just, you know, generally look for someone. He even knows his Korean name.

To obtain his full birth records, he would need consent from his biological parents: his mother would obviously have given it. He never mentions asking for them. That might have been easier than finding Lee Sol.

Apparently very few Korean adoptees manage to find their birth parents but the fact that Ryan was adopted not as a baby but an older child + the fact that his mother wanted him back + the circumstances make me think it would have been easier for him to find his mother than it usually is. Unless something happened because she was a single mother and the Hoju system was still in use and/or her family wanted nothing to do with her after she gave birth. Idk I’m not clear on how South Korea records births.

Have you seen Twinsters? Highly recommend it. Well, the twins from the documentary were born in 1987. Now I feel like I should rewatch it because I don’t remember much about how they found their birth mother, but they did.

Some reading

Adopted Koreans, Stymied in Search of Birth Parents, Find Hope in a Cotton Swab

Every year adoptees return, looking for information about their past. But South Korean laws block them from obtaining their full birth records without their birth parents’ consent. And government adoption files are often falsified, incomplete or missing, making birth parents impossible to track down. From 2012 to 2015, fewer than 15 percent of adoptees who asked to reunite with their birth parents were able to do so, according to Korean government figures.

Why a Generation of Adoptees Is Returning to South Korea [long but very interesting article]

“My life in the United States, no matter how good it was,” she told me one day over lunch, “never made up for my omma’s grief.” As Ginther understands the story, her parents were struggling financially when she was born, the youngest of three daughters. Her father told her mother that he would leave her if she didn’t relinquish Amy. (He later left anyway.) “Her choice,” Ginther said of her birth mother, “was no choice at all.”

Adoptees, of course, also had no choice, and many resent the idea that they should simply be grateful — that they are somehow better off than they otherwise would be. As Trenka writes in her memoir, “The Language of Blood”: “How can I weigh the loss of my language and culture against the freedom that America has to offer, the opportunity to have the same rights as a man? How can a person exiled as a child, without a choice, possibly fathom how he would have ‘turned out’ had he stayed in Korea? How many educational opportunities must I mark on my tally sheet before I can say it was worth losing my mother? How can an adoptee weigh her terrible loss against the burden of gratitude she feels she has for her adoptive country and parents?”

“In the U.S., I feel my race,” Lovell said. “Here I feel my gender. This is what it must have been like in the United States during the ‘Mad Men’ era.”

Social stigma of being an unwed mother in South Korea remains strong

[nellynee]

Three Caballeros headcanons

classic, very gay edition

The timeline for Saludos Amigos is unclear, but it’s canon that Donald is a recognizable celebrity at this time. That being said, I put this at Donald vacationing on his first bit of real leave from the navy. His celebrity status being very new and small in the states but much larger outside of it. 

In terms of say, Ducktales, this puts his Navel career as a source of pride, Acting and performance as a passion he pursues, and the everyday jobs he tends to loose due to luck his actual income after the Navy.

Early timeline inspired by the small design changes in Jose between the two movies, making him a juvenile of his species at the time. Approximately their early twenties. 

White feathered Panchito. Twin? Tan? Or brighter juvenile feathers?

Jose will protest all day that he isn’t actually a scam artist. He simply aids tourists in finding the most entertaining of distractions and they willingly gift him in compensation. Sometimes they’re passed out when it happens.

Jose and Donald actually met as a mix of the movie and the comic. Jose was planning on making Donald his next target, but after realizing it was the REAL Donald Duck, quickly changes his mind... or rather, goes out of his way to make sure Donald has good memories at least. 

That being said, he’s never actually paid for a drink in his entire life, and certainly never plans to

Jose finds Donald enchanting. Jose, he loves Brazil, and Donald doesn’t treat his home like some exotic diversion. He immerses himself into every experience completely, and Jose finds Donald’s sense of cultural wonder flattering where it should be annoying.

Jose immediately starts to flirt with Donald and Donald just figures that’s the way the guy is??? He flirts with literally everything? 

There is one night early in the trip they don’t talk about. Donald can become a sad drunk and Jose comforted him the only way he knew how. If Jose had known they would become actual friends, he would not have done it. Both are sure the other doesn’t remember.

Of the three, Panchito is the vocals, Jose the instrumentals, and Donald the dancer.

Jose is always ready to dance the Samba with Donald 

ALWAYS

Jose ends up in Mexico when Donald heads back towards the states at the end of his vacation. His debts at the time mean it’s probably better to skip town for a while, and with Donald to pay for his meals why not?

Jose and Panchito meet like in the comics after Donald returns home (for those who don’t know, Jose attempts to seduce a woman Panchito is courting. A series of one upmanship happens, in which Jose uses empty boast and tricks to try and get rid of Panchito, and Panchito, knowing Jose is a dirty crook, attempts to rat him out. It culminates in a horse race, which Jose wins, only for the woman to have eloped at the end)

(edit: I’ve had questions about the comic I’m referring, and you can actually find said comic here. There are other interpretations as well. I’m under the impression that the famous silver hunt is a first meeting, though I’ve never actually found it in it’s entirety to make sure. I love the idea of that one, but I have my own reasons for this one.)

They HATE each other at first. Panchito, on his honor, can not allow this scoundrel to con hard working people out of their belongings and fallows Jose around the country exposing his lies. Jose can not live like this.

After several failed attempts to shake the rooster, Jose opts for his next best weapon, his charisma

He may not know the local scene like back home, but he can smell a good time from a mile away, all he has to do is figure out what Panchito wants.

Fortunately for him, Panchito is as much a party animal as Jose is. 

(It opens up the doors, but what REALLY convinces Panchito is Jose’s sense of honor. For all that he will never work, Jose does not take anything not freely given to him, be it money, possessions, women, and on one very memorable occasion, even food. Panchito, he is a sharp bird, he watches, he sees. It is the small kindnesses that convinces him to give Jose a chance)

Jose doesn’t consider Panchito anything more than a slightly more convenient annoyance until a series of adventures through the desert left him living only because of Panchito’s actions. Only then does he realize Panchito is genuine. (and oh no, what a feeling that was)

It’s a wonder how much they really have in common and get along when both of them are trying. 

Panchito prefers the wide open plains, and Jose, the bustling cities, but Panchito finds adventure wherever, and Jose learns to love it, if for no other reason than loosing track of time, keeping busy, and the rush

Panchito 100% does not believe that Jose knows THE Donald Duck.

Panchito is later 100% amazed that Jose knows THE Donald Duck

This is the Greatest day of Panchito’s life

(and the rest is history. Seriously. That whole week is one long blackout for all three of them)

That being said, the first time Donald and Jose dance the samba together (really, REALLY together. They are often dancing in the same space, spinning around each other, half formed moves to the tune for the joy of it. Once a day if Jose can get his way. But on that day the beat is quick and the drums made their blood boil) Panchito knew he was in trouble.

They spend several years traveling together. First on Donald’s dime. As money goes thin, they stay in spaces longer, living on what Panchito can work up on a few days or going out to help him with some bounty or other, hopping from stranger to stranger on the goodwill of Donald’s fame, earning money busking and gain quite the fallowing. 

They never really establish a relationship, in the monogamous sense, but they do develop a commitment to each other. They all become so openly affectionate there is no question about it in any of them. They come to love each other openly and without reservation, but they will often fight over women as well. As time goes by it goes from a real source of feuding for them to a joke and a sense of competition. 

There’s no reason for them to break up really. Donald starts to miss his family around the same time Panchito starts to feel the need for home and some roots for just a while. Jose has saved some money and is dreadfully homestick

That’s what he tells them at least. His good friends have triggered a very embarrassing urge for... domesticity (yes, I do mean he becomes hormonal. All the sunlight and good food will do that) He needs time time to himself.

This is about the time Donald gets the boys. They had never intended it to be permanent, but they had some good years, and they stay in touch.

Donald’s self esteem issues are harder to fight through the mail, but they sure do try. 

(non timeline related headcanons)

Jose prefers expensive booze, cheap cigars, and free women, in any order 

Of the three, Panchito holds his liquor best, and Donald the worst. 

Panchito and Jose just... they love how much Donald loves their mother countries so much. 

I’d put something here about how much Panchito and Jose respect Donald and think him just a wonderful person to look up to but that’s comic canon.

The first time Donald and Panchito see Jose in casual jeans and t-shirt they nearly have a heart attack

The “turning his umbrella into various musical instruments” thing is a parlor trick. He’s a parrot with a LOT of instruments in his vocal repertoire. He’s surprised no one has caught on by now.

When it comes to marriage, Donald is canonically terrified of domestic monogamy and find the idea emasculating. Jose is even less inclined, but less out of fear and more that he would prefer less to chain him down. He would be willing to marry a pretty girl for her money, but probably couldn’t be convinced to stay around. Panchito is most attracted to the idea of a stable home and a big family, but latter comes to understand he doesn’t necessarily need a wife and children with so many lovers and nephews. 

Panchito and Jose are the COOLEST uncles. 

Panchito loves children, is bombatious and rowdy, and has guns, The triplets love him.

Jose has no idea what to do with them. He defaults to his charismatic facade and comes off as cool but also he’s never allowed to watch them alone (”They are nearly grown boys Donal’ they must learn to smoke sometime!)

Daisy: “Oh Donald doesn’t dance, he’s to clumsy for that and frankly it’s like pulling teeth” Jose, ten feet away, dancing a quite passionate samba with Donald and trying to convince him to run away with him

Yes they do know other dances, but the samba, aaaah the samba, how Jose loves the Samba

Panchito will sing love songs for them to dance to as an inside joke

Everyone has all three speaking spanish as their go to middle language but from day one Jose has insisted on speaking predominately Portuguese and then translating for himself over the years in close quarters they all pick up so much listening to them in conversations must be a nightmare.

Everyone in the fandom splits the cooking but Panchito is a traveling cowboy who lives of what he hunts and buys and Jose’s house doesn’t even seem to have a kitchen and he parties every night and Donald is the canonical amazing cook. The triplets grow up on some interesting recipes. 

Panchito is openly affectionate in a platonic sense, always hugging and touching the other two, but preferred a certain degree of affection to be between only lovers unless prompted otherwise. Jose will make out in the middle of a town square if you get him worked up enough and will let him. Donald will never initiate anything but he’s just... so happy when it happens.

In the sense of TTC movie, the second and third gift in reality are plane tickets. Its the first time they’re all together in years.

Aaaaaan it’s late so that’s all I got for now. Feel free to ask any more specifics, I got a million of them!

[outoftheready]

Big Story Time (Posted elsewhere on July 26, 2019)

I promise I’ll get better at titles

     To help get everything out I wrote my story. Admittedly, it’s reads horribly. It took about two months to write out, with a lot of starting and stopping trying to figure out what I wanted to say. There was much cutting and pasting done-putting together life fragments. People were starting to ask if I was alright. I felt confronted every time. But I had to talk about it, I just didn’t know how. So, I started typing. My thoughts were pretty scattered. It’s was a scary thing to write because I have never been open about anything-not even with my best friend. Things were getting really bad for me last year. It’s funny how I kind of forgot about some of it, but Facebook memories has been reminding me. How I was trying to be a little more open with the anxiety. Still being scared to admit that I was also feeling depressed. I was hating myself more and more. I was uncomfortable everywhere I went. Working at a church was making everything worse. Especially when a few years back I had been asked to meet the pastor in his office, thinking it was going to be about some event we had coming up, I went in there just as normal as ever. I don’t even remember how he started out the conversation, but he did get to the hard question pretty quick. “Are you gay?” Someone in the congregation had went to him saying that I winked at their niece. How dumb would that be? Here, just let me out myself by winking at some girl I don’t even know. Then he asked if I had same-sex attractions and told me that there were and have been some gay congregation members. Was that supposed to make me feel comfortable to open up to him? How much is it going to freak him out when he finds out I’m transgender instead? I’ve been asked many times over why I’m still there. It’s a lack of confidence I have in myself, thinking employers will take one look at me and not want someone like me working for them. Even though I hate being there, I’m comfortable there. The biggest thing that keeps me there is that it’s a paycheck. It’s a small paycheck, but it’s money. Also, there is a kid in the youth group that doesn’t come often who is in the gender identity realm. He has been dressing in more feminine clothes and has tried using the girls bathroom. This kid isn’t there often enough for me to really try and talk to them. I want to try and get in a good enough rapport with them to ask if they would prefer female pronouns and it not be an uncomfortable conversation. That thing I hear all the time of being someone who you needed when you were younger, I want to be that person. Although there have been times when I just want to just flip everyone off and say that I’m trans and walk away.

     This is one of the hardest and scariest things I’ve done in my life. I never thought I would be here with everything. I honestly figured I would live out my entirety quiet in my own little world. But I couldn’t. I can’t. I was starting to get so stressed out about things that my hair was falling out. My anxiety would hit so hard sometimes it felt like I was going to throw up. Around the time I finished my writing out my story I could hardly eat. I had stomach ulcers when I was in fourth grade and I’m pretty sure that’s what was happening. I had to swig some Pepto before and after I ate. This lady at church thinks I’ve lost about twenty pounds. It probably isn’t that much. I’m short, so it probably just looks that way. I have gained some of it back recently because I grab drive though foods often and drive around in my car to play Pokémon Go (a lot). Luckily she didn’t ask what I was doing to lose weight. If I know the person well I’ll tell them develop some anxiety and depression and it will do wonders for you. Don’t know what I would say to anyone who I’m not close to. What makes all this so scary is finally talking about it. Trying to figure out who is safe to talk to. Knowing that I’m going to (and have) lost people who have been important to me. I feel like there are going to be some that will still love me but not agree with my choices. I still haven’t talked about this with my mom yet and that has been one of the most terrifying things to just think about doing. She doesn’t even know I’m in therapy. Everytime she’s been home and that’s where I was headed I would tell her I was going to go make a Pokémon trade or there was a raid I wanted to do. With this putting myself out there little by little this year it’s been crazy. It’s like slowly walking into a freshly opened freezing cold underground pool. Each step is bone chilling and breath-taking, then your body eases up to it and you can venture out further.

     I knew that I needed to get into therapy. I knew that I didn’t want to stay that way. I knew I wanted to get better. After I let a few people read my story, one who I consider a mentor, told me about a Christian counseling place and that was something I was trying to avoid. I had even posted on Facebook about that around this time last year. Thanks again Facebook memories. I had seen that there was a place in my area offering counseling and I didn’t want to go through them. I had all these preconceived notions about what they would tell me. That I was wrong. That I would need to pray and make all of these thoughts go away and feelings I had were of the devil. When he read my story and got me the info of a different place, another Christian counseling group. Even though I didn’t want to make an appointment there, I did, and I was put on a wait list. It’s was supposed to be a three month wait. It turned into a six month wait. In the mean time I was having a really bad week and got in touch with a different therapist. She was good and it was nice to start to talk to someone. Talking to someone who is impartial to events and people, getting out what I was going through was needed. When I finally got into the Christian group and met with that consoler a few times, the first therapist was moving her practice. For a couple weeks I met with both counselors/therapists, whatever title they go by. I had to let them both know there was someone else. Soon after that is when she had to reschedule a couple appointments and finally let me know that she was moving her practice and gave me the option to continue sessions with someone else within that group until she settled into her new place and she would contact me. With the Christian group, my consoler there at the same time was telling me that the head of his department doesn’t recommend someone seeing two therapists at the same time. I had a little bit of decision making to do, then with her moving her practice it made that decision pretty easy. He’s been a great help, and he understands and takes things from a medical perspective as well as an Evangelical. Something I never thought would be possible. And he pushes me to get things done, in a good way and at my own speed. Getting all of this out has helped so much with my stress levels and anxieties. My depression comes in waves. I don’t think either the depression or anxiety are bad enough for medication. I know that the majority of it is situational and environmental and don’t want to start putting chemicals in my body now to eventually wean myself off of them. I did start smoking back in August of 2018 (that’s when I let people read my story).  I woke up every morning feeling like I was in shock. I couldn’t even finish a cup of coffee. It was probably sometime in late October before I could finish a single cup of coffee. But, now I’m beginning to like myself and except myself. I’ve been able to talk about some of these issues with a few close people. It’s frightening and freeing at the same time to verbalize these words. It’s something else….

     If you don’t know the feeling of what it would feel like if your soul were dying you’re extremely lucky. That’s probably the best way I can describe how I was feeling. I would constantly in my head say I was dying, then one day I started kind of mutter it to myself. I had lost myself. All my secrets, everything I pretended to not be, that’s who I was. I was everything I kept hidden. I was every little secret I had. That was my identity. A masculine looking female that only ever talked about music and Pokémon Go, and whatever else. There was this little world I had (it’s probably sad and stupid) that I’m male. When anyone ever used female pronouns I could kind of switch it around and replay those moments and hear male pronouns. It wasn’t a 100% success, sometimes it helped and sometimes it chipped away at that little world. It’s possible I forced myself into being an introvert because I could be alone and be who I was. I could practice and learn songs by male artists and not feel weird for singing about pretty girls and heartbreak. I could watch interviews of Emma Stone, Aubrey Plaza, and Rosario Dawson or whoever was the celebrity crush at the time and not worry what the expressions on my face showed. When I was alone in my car I felt more masculine. I That’s where I felt most myself. That’s kind of my little world. That’s who I was. I kind of lost that when I opened up to a few people. I lost who I was and I had to find who I am again. I mean, I’m still the same person but now I’m more than what I was.

     I am going to be a better me. I have support, even if I seclude myself away from people because I don’t want to burden them with my problems or feel like they don’t have time for me. I am so determined to be better. How I came out feels like it  was a dive into the deep end and sometimes I think it was the dumbest way to do what I did. If I wouldn’t have done it that way I don’t know if I ever would have. I tell myself all the time, “Refuse to stay feeling like shit. Refuse to stay in fear of everything.” I refuse.

Not sure why I’m even writing this. But I guess it feels right

It sort of feels like I have to-like an exorcism

I guess that makes me sound crazy but that’s alright

Lately I feel like I might be, not that I’ve heard any voices or anything

Just like that everyday kind, where you forget things you shouldn’t

and you think too much about death

“A Departure” by La Dispute

I’m just suffering from changes

Locked outside for good

Paper cut by turning pages

Sitting under dust cause

I’m not understood

“Changes” by Mutemath

Where you goin’ when you stop halfway up the mountain?

I don’t know where I got the strength from but I found it

Your feet can

Betray you

Don’t let go

Of breakthrough

Don’t stop when you’ve gone halfway up the

Mountain

“Mountain” by Tunde Olaniran

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 6:38 pm warm/sunny/fake doctors,real friends

Welcome to “8 Questions with……”

   Okay,I am going to admit something here…..for the first time,I have hidden something from a guest. So now I can see you shaking your head and saying “What???”    So I’m trying to broaden the blog and my friend Rebecca encouraged me to start using LinkedIn more. I told her I thought that was just a job seeker network site and she explained it is but its so much more now. You are encouraged to not only network but also promote yourself and since you are a writer,you should promote your blog.    So I have been slowly doing this and that is how I met our guest Jason Bourque.  I was posting on LinkedIn when I saw a post about Jason’s new film “My Wife’s Secret Life” being promoted by Lifetime. So not only did I not follow Jason but I asked him for a interview. He very generously agreed and I was pretty stoked.    Of course since I had pretty much cold asked Jason,I knew I had to do my research so I could ask some good questions. As I scanned over the movies he directed,I suddenly stopped cold. It seems like Jason and I had a “history” between us.    When I first started film reviewing with Paladin,I really knew zero about what I was doing,I would watch the movie and then express my opinion. I didn’t know anything about the process about filmmaking,I just knew if I liked it or not.    The second film I ever reviewed was a made for SyFy disaster film called “Seattle Superstorm” and I thought it was pretty cheesy and bad. I’m not defending nor changing my POV about it but I have learned a lot about films since then….how they made,budgets,casting,special effects,indie vs. major studios,IFC vs. A24,etc……   I know that today I would write my review differently,I wouldn’t change my opinion but I could understand the constraints that Jason was under and that he was trying his best with what he was given.    He won’t know any of this until I post this interview,I didn’t tell him that I had reviewed “Superstorm” in only my 2nd review. I like to think just as he has grown as a director,I have grown as a writer and I hope he will understand that.    With that said,Jason Bourque is director that can slide behind the camera and create magic – be it feature films,hard hitting documentaries or helming Hallmark and Lifetime Channel movies. He was won awards for both his documentaries and his feature film work. I am very happy to introduce you to Jason as he answers his 8 Questions…

  Please introduce yourself and tell us a little about your current project. 

   Thanks Patrick. As a working indie director, writer, producer, I usually have about a dozen projects on the go in various stages of development. I love collaborating on feature work in between television movie gigs. So in a quick snap shot I have two features I produced in post-production – rom com “Godfrey” starring Nick Thune, Cleopatra Coleman and Iliza Shlesinger and the family drama “When Time Got Louder” starring Willow Shields, Lochlyn Munro and Elizabeth Mitchell. A Lifetime movie I exec-produced “My Husband’s Deadly Past” aired last week. As a director, my lifetime movie “My Wife’s Secret Life” just got a Leo nomination (Excellence in BC Film and Television) for Best Director and Best Lead actor. It’s my second year in a row for a nomination. This year I also had my movie “Hotwired in Suburbia” released (on most VOD platforms) and the Hallmark flick “Amazing Winter Romance”.  I know it sounds like a lot but I’m admittedly a workaholic when it comes to filmmaking – It’s my passion.

How have you been handling the pandemic? What have you done to keep busy?

   It’s such a horrible global curveball we’re living through and it’s been heartbreaking. Personally I’ve found solace focusing on family and health. I’m also a writer so I’m used to long stretches cooped up balancing my laptop on my pug’s head (she’s a lap dog) as I write 🙂 I’ve been very prolific over the last three months – series development, contracted script polishes and applications for my company www.goldstarprod.com I’m also overseeing a couple writers as well. I love to mentor new writers and directors and I give back when I can.

When did you know you wanted to become involved in the film industry and was directing always your goal going in?What makes directing so appealing to you?

  For as long as I can remember I’ve always been a natural storyteller and artist. I knew I wanted to make movies since I was fifteen, after watching “Evil Dead” and “Alien” back-to-back and since then it was always my goal.  I dived pretty quick into movie-making, starting out with zombie shorts with the local kids in the neighbourhood.   Directing is my first love and I totally prefer it to writing (that can be a lonely existence sometimes) and producing (lots more stress, personality management and sometimes factors out of my control). For me, directing is all about teamwork and it’s such a massive collaboration with creatives which I love. I’ll never take a “Film by Jason Bourque” credit – I simply don’t believe in it.  

You are the rare director who walks both in drama and sci-fi and yet have also done several award winning documentaries,can you share your mindset  when you work on a documentary versus a fictional film? What was working on “Shadow Company” like? Were you shocked at what you discovered? How much of “Shadow Company” influenced the making of your film “Drone”?

   Hey thanks for doing your homework and asking about my docs! As a storyteller, I’m totally at ease jumping from dramatic features to docs to scripts for other directors. I find the process of making documentaries more fulfilling /important than the final product. They allow me to travel with a small crew, meet incredible people and create a dramatic story sometimes on the fly. It’s very liberating. “Shadow Company” was co-written and co-directed with my friend Nick Bicanic. I had a huge learning curve on that one and it came at a time when little was actually known about private military companies. It’s heavy material, sometimes disturbing, sometimes heartbreaking yet we also infused it with lots of entertainment value to make it palatable for the general public.         Ultimately it was used as a teaching tool for the US Senate which I’m very proud of. Making “Shadow Company” was a huge journey and time commitment (a couple years) but well worth it. It influenced “Drone” a little when it came to writing the script with creative writing partner Paul Birkett. Having a character as a private CIA drone contractor was born out of “Shadow Company”. It also allowed us to stay away from the glut of military drone movies that had recently come out like “Eye in the Sky” and “Good Kill”.

How did you get asked to direct Lifetime and Hallmark Channel movies? What was the process like? We know actors have auditions but do directors have to audition as well? 

   As directors we do sometimes audition through creative calls. Our agents submit us and we’re on that magical list that gets cut down to whomever finally gets the job.  Luckily I have a track record with some producers who offer me the gigs. The majority of the television movies I work on feel like indie filmmaking. Sometimes they’re sold to Hallmark or Lifetime afterwards. If they don’t sell to those broadcasters, they can also be sold to Netflix or other platforms. So many ways to sell product out there! With the “The Chronicle Mysteries: Recovered” I was hired by the creator and star Alison Sweeney because she wanted the pilot more stylish / cinematic than the usual MOWs and she was a fan of “Drone”. I was then approved by Hallmark.

What is it like as a feature film director with a lot freedom to suddenly being asked to direct TV films with a much stricter format?   What do you do to leave your footprint on the movie?

  I don’t mind the MOW (Movie Of the Week) sandbox at all. I’m constantly looking at ways to raise the bar and I’m always learning, even after 18 years of directing. I also direct for a company that gives me lots of freedom on set. They’re shot fast though – usually 13-15 days so it’s all about the planning / prep.

If you could remake 2 of your films with a 100 million budget,which three would you choose and why?

“Termination Point”!  It’s a very cool time travel disaster movie I directed for SyFy starring Lou Diamond Phillips and Jason Priestley. The script by Peter Sullivan is truly excellent – the hook is a jaw-dropper and it has a huge scope to it. The plot is too twisty to explain briefly but it’s well worth checking out.  I love this movie but the VFX company went bankrupt half way through post and I had to shoot it in 15 days.

“Doomsday Prophecy” is another SyFy movie I would love to re-make. I co-wrote the script and again, had to shoot it in 14 days but it’s a fantastic premise with excellent characters. The Moai heads of Easter Island are an alien defence mechanism against a dark star about to eat our planet.

You subscribe to the Jack Webb idea of using a lot of the same actors for your films,what are the advantages and disadvantages of using the same actors? How do you approach a film that is cast with a lot of rookie performers?  Do you like to be involved with the casting process?

   I’m hands on with all casting. Honestly, as an indie filmmaker having to shoot quickly, I sometimes can’t afford to take chances. I need actors I can trust, are incredibly prepared and can sometimes handle eight pages of dialogue a day with only a couple takes. It’s why I’ve used actors like Matthew MacCaull in 5 movies. We have our own shorthand. With rookie performances it’s all about helping them connect to what makes their performance honest. Sometimes it might be a simple one line of direction – “Play it like you’re talking to your mother” for example. After years of directing I’ve found it’s best to avoid mapping out the emotional landscape of a character for an actor. Rookie actors can sometimes be overwhelmed and that relationship always needs to stem from a foundation of trust. 

I’m going to put you on the spot here……but what three actors and three actresses have you enjoyed working with the most and why?       Pick one relatively unknown actor do you think will break out within a year.

I gravitate towards really good people I genuinely like. No ego. Hard workers. Big hearts. 

Sarah Butler. She always goes the extra mile and is a perfectionist. Sarah is extremely well prepared, the crew loves her and she doesn’t shy away from physically demanding work. And she’s a dog person like me so we bonded instantly 🙂

Josh Byer. He’s an incredible character actor and he always makes unique choices, whether its as a supporting lead or as a day player. There’s no one else I can compare him to in the Vancouver acting pool so he’s my secret weapon for elevating a scene. I’ve had him in a dozen movies. Josh is also a close friend and a triple threat.  Besides acting, he’s an accomplished artist and musician. 

Matthew MacCaull. Excellent on all levels and very versatile. I’ve directed him in thrillers as both the villain and also the romantic lead. Matt smashed the lead role in my “Black Fly” movie out of the ballpark and he’s been my favourite lead ever since.

Which three genres  are the most challenging for you as a director? What is more important- a good story or a big budget?

   I’m comfortable with all genres but thrillers come very naturally – I love exploring the dark corners of the human condition and I have a knack for creating tension. Comedy can be challenging sometimes – Hallmark walks a fine line with their comedy and they shy away from belly laughs or big physical comedy. it’s the art of the “soft chuckle” 🙂 I love sci-fi but there’s an extra level of prep involved due to storyboards, animatics etc… due to big CGI action sequences. The challenges are the usual ones since the dawn of filmmaking. There never seems to be enough time or money. Luckily the general audience never knows the majority of compromises made by the indie director.  A good story worth telling is always the most important to me. “Black Fly” cost very little to make.  I’ve seen so many big budget movies fail to engage an audience due to a poor script or it’s an an overblown sequel no one asked for. It’s usually because the big budgets also mean “filmmaking by committee” due to the stakes being so high. Too many producers with their hands in the creative decision making can create chaos. A camera operator I work with has a great saying – “Tweak it till it sucks” which I suspect happens a lot with big budgets.

What is your current dream/passion project and can you share a little bit about it?

   I have three I gotta make – “Iris”, a contained horror that takes place in an ER during a hurricane. “Fourteen” – an action movie about a murdered hitman who gets reincarnated as a fourteen-year old boy and tries to take down the crime syndicate responsible for his death and finally “Claw” – a contained sci-fi / home invasion about a robotics engineering student who builds a medical robot that kidnaps her and her boyfriend.

The cheetah and I are flying over to watch to you shoot your latest film but we are a day early and now you are stuck playing tour guide,what are we doing?

Vancouver is beautiful. We have the world’s best sushi, tons of coffee shops, Stanley Park for great hiking and bike trails. I always recommend Granville Island for a visit – an awesome artistic hub with a vibrant market. Our restaurant scene is world-class along with micro-breweries.  Hopefully everything settles soon and you can drop by for a visit. If all goes well I’ll be directing again this fall. Thanks Patrick!

  I like to thank Jason for agreeing to do this interview with me. The cheetah and I have a copy of “Drone” and we’ll be taking a peek at it very soon.  And you already know we’re going to get his Hallmark Channel films as well because that is how the cheetah and I roll.

There are various ways to keep up with Jason and his career:

You can follow his film company Gold Star Productions Check out Jason’s newest projects by following his IMDb page. You can follow Jason on his Twitter page. Visit Jason’s personal website. Follow Jason on his InstaGram page.

Feel free to drop a comment below.

  8 Questions with………..film director/writer Jason Bourque Its 6:38 pm warm/sunny/fake doctors,real friends Welcome to "8 Questions with......"    Okay,I am going to admit something here.....for the first time,I have hidden something from a guest.

[bschliamusic]

REVIEW: Bradlee Z’s “2016 Hit Singles”

In 2007 J’ai Paul released and then deleted an album revered by fans and critics. His willingness to embrace anonymity over acclaim stood out and even helped bolster the infatuation of his followers. The less they knew or understood the more they obsessed over him.

Finding Bradlee Z buried in the local Bandcamp tags was a similar shock. Who was this guy? Where was he? How could be so heavily invested in producing content but without touching the scene? It was weird! Bradlee Z himself concedes: “I might be on the spectrum.” This song, whose themes thread through a collection self-mockingly titled “2016 Hit Singles,” lifted a tile.

When he finally agreed to meet it was no surprise to observe many charming eccentricities: a religious appreciation for Tape Op mag, genuine fears of hearing-loss, a wary apprehension to driving. His lyric sheet read like a thought pattern:

“if we puree our DNA we’re cherokee, we’re congolese we’re chestnut trees, we’re breathing bees we’re amputees on trapeze, fleas in tweezers squeezed and wheezing pleas in legalese”

That comes from “Shouldn’t It Feel Good,” a muddy slug-crawl of a song that whips you in the chorus and drowns you in the verse. Paired with the music video, which depicts a dizzying tribute to history versus memory, Bradlee Z reminds us we’re just reptiles that crawled out of the ocean, stood up and invented existential paranoia.

“I’m Turning into Tom Verlaine” makes a daydream sound like a nightmare with a wailing tantrum of a refrain. Mixed up with visions of a styrofoam hand being mutilated in a number of gruesome ways, you get the feeling that this is not a good thing.

The parable of the “Woodrat” implies the risks of self medication: when you start to feel better you might think, who needs it?

(The Woodrat) has a strong preference for shiny objects and will drop whatever it may be carrying in favor of a coin or a spoon.” – Wikipedia

So you flush the stash and as it’s spinning down the drain you think: wait, I’m unequipped to ignore life’s strangeness! Truthfully, this “Miracle Ghost Toast” was a tough one to interpret. But referencing the visual extension of the song was like reading footnotes for Ulysses, trying to understand seemed more important than succeeding.

“Tie-Dyes” comes off as a sentimental drunken sing along. And thank god, because things were pretty bleak for a minute there.

“i humbly submit, not everything is shit”

Even if this is just a passing moment of sublime for Bradlee Z, it gives the record depth and dynamic. Without the bitter, the sweet just ain’t as sweet.

“It’s Not What You Think This Time” serves as the melodic center piece of an album disguised as straight ahead indie folk but hiding a complex web of harmony. Listen for the slight modulation that shows near the halfway mark. Here, the lyrics bring the themes more clearly into focus: if there’s a perfect world, this one surely is not it.

“the earth was formed and cooled and warmed a whale, a snail, a unicorn, a writhing mass of human trash sprang up from the bowels of some hell i commend you for trying lay your flag down by your side ’cause it’s not what you think this time in a perfect world your pretty sister runs a spirited campaign to clear the family name”

It’s hard to take “I Ain’tcha Sousaphone” apart because it’s such a great fucking song. The production is quirky but the execution is easy to follow. With unshakeable rhythmic hooks, Bradlee Z’s rejects his usual pop-mocking and finally feels at home crooning the kind of sweet melody that stays with you all day. The lyrics hide a darker meaning by only glancing at the internal forces that seem to be using him as an instrument. Although he resists, it may have “won this time around.” That acceptance is the magic, the source of this music’s density. Bradlee Z cannot control the forces that account for his work.

“On the Spectrum” is a song that spells out the trail I’ve followed ‘til now. It’s like when your senile grandmother has a lucid moment and remembers where she put that 10k bond.

“i tell my friends i think i’m probably on the spectrum high-functioning but spaced-out missing a connection, dreadfully reflecting”

It’s the perfect closer but instead, “Dead Broke Black Hole” finishes the race.

“2016 Hit Singles,” as the title alludes to, was not released as a whole. These songs were added to the album as they were finished throughout the year and perhaps that’s why “DBBH” feels out of place. Sure, it shares much of the production value as the rest of the record but it feels like the first song on the next album. If anything, this small misstep proves Bradlee Z is, in fact, human.

Many great artists come to be great not only by their raw talent, but by commanding a sense of their identity. What’s not to be envied about being something and also being good at it? Bradlee Z is an enigma which, by its nature, captivates.

The thing is, unlike so many other artists, he doesn’t need the spectator.

You sit at your desk and imagine 100 million bedrooms with reclusive madmen making terabytes of music and refusing to show it to anyone or, at the very least, refusing to market themselves along with it.

You have to find them.

[blschaos3000-blog]

its 10:02 pm dark/chilly/woah!!

Welcome to “8 Questions with….”

Before the cheetah and I teamed up to become the best film reviewers ever,I used to just use films as white noise (I have shared this story in a past blog). Around 2015ish I started to actually WATCH what was on my screen and one of the early films I did take a interest in was a movie called “The Hit List”.  I bought it because it had former teen star Joey Lawrence on the cover looking very dapper and with a very cute blonde. Now I’ll be perfectly honest here,I wasn’t expecting much because I had never seen anyone cast Lawrence in a serious way. But to my pleasant surprise,”The Hit List” was really good and Joey Lawrence was easily the best thing about the film,up to that point,I can say its the best thing he has done and I was really impressed with him. I looked at who the director was to have that much faith in Joey and had gotten such a good performance from him. I saw the name Minh Collins and then promptly forgot it. Now its 2020 and a young PR guy named Phil Herman pings and wants to know if I am interested in talking to a director of a new horror film called “Clown Fear”. I type up Clown Fear up in IMDb and see Minh Collins name,when I looked him up and saw his credits and “The Hit List”,I was pretty pumped. Hell YES,I would love to talk with Minh. I knOw that this man has skills and more importantly,he was into taking chances with his casting choices. To be able to get the best out of a cast is never a easy job for a director and I’ve seen that enough while reviewing movies. Minh Collins is such a director and I really enjoyed putting his 8 Questions together and even more happier that you get to read them……so let’s get going,shall we?  

      Please introduce yourself and tell us a little about your latest project ,”Clown Fear”?

   Hi, my name is Minh Collins. I’m the writer/director of the new horror film “Clown Fear”. This movie was inspired out of frustration while casting another action film called Asphalt Jungle. I had funding in place for that movie but needed to cast a name actor. My team spent about a year in preproduction and were on the verge of signing a big star, but it wasn’t meant to be, because at the last minute we had scheduling conflicts. I was then informed at that time of Lionsgate opening slots for their horror films in the coming year. I immediately switched gears and started writing the script. I knew casting for a horror film would be much easier because I didn’t need to rely on a name actor to greenlight my project. By the way, here’s a great story of how I cast all the female leads in my horror film. I was at a bar in North Hollywood while having drinks at a friend’s birthday party. I was talking to a group of ladies and one thing led to another when someone suggested we all do a film together. It was all talk at the time while under the influence of several cocktails, flash forward a year later we started principle photography on Clown Fear. I kept my word and hired all the girls for the movie. I truly love the casting process on this project because it was so much easier to not rely on one actor to greenlight my project. My producer Asif Akbar and I made all the decisions and as you can see, most of the cast are friends that we have worked with on past projects. There are so many amazing talents in LA.

 What was growing up in the Collins home like? Did you always love films even as a young child? Were you parents very artistic and did they encourage you to express yourself?

Growing up in the Collins home was pretty normal. My family loved sports and my brother and I were athletes. We lived in Ventura near the beach so I participated in Jr. lifeguard every summer, played youth football during the fall and little league baseball in the summer. My dad was very involved with us kids and coached our team until we went on to play in high school. Pretty much year round sports for us, so I had aspirations of playing professional sports but an injury while playing on the varsity football team at Buena High School was a setback. My parents wanted us kids to be doctors or a lawyers so being artistic was not encouraged in our household. Growing up, my hobbies were photography and painting.

 When did you know you wanted to get into the film industry and and how did you end up behind the scenes when so many want to be in front of the camera?

While working at U.C.L.A. medical center, I learned about the film industry. My first job was doing background on a T.V. commercial. The first time I stepped on the set, I knew I wanted to direct. I quit my job and started working as a P.A. on the U.S.A. network show called Pacific Blue.  Even back then, I never had any aspirations of being in front of the camera.  I did appeared in a small role in Star Trek Voyager years ago where I played an alien.

   What was directing your first project like? What were three things that prepared you the most for directing? Should new directors do short films as a rule?

I directed my first short film back in 2004. It was a twisted comedy call “Gratuity”. It’s available on Youtube if anyone would like to visit my very first film. I had such a fond memory of that project and also learned so much. This was back when digital was just emerging as the new media and everyone shot in 35mm. I remembered the Canon XL1 was the rage but I didn’t like the looks of it at the time. So I decided to go with the Panasonic HVx 100 that gave the movie a closer to film look. We shot the short in 2 days at the old Holiday Inn on the beach in Ventura. That film led to acquiring funding for my first feature film “Hit List”. So, yes I truly believe directors should do short films. It’s the best way to show investors a sample of their work. I don’t know if I have three things that prepares me to direct a film. It’s more like 100 things but here are three very important things to me. 1. I believe a director needs to have a vision. Without a vision then it’s very hard to convey what is needed from the cast and crew. 2. A director needs to know his/her shots. Either a storyboard or a shot list. 3. This is the one that I believe should be the most important, a director needs to know how to work with all type of different personalities on a set.

 What is the biggest difference between being a film director and a producer? Which hat do you prefer to wear and why?

This is a great question! I prefer to being a director than a producer. The director has all the creative control of the film. Of course things can change in post but I like to also work with my editor to finalize the final product. On this project, we had an extremely short shooting schedule and it was up to me as the director to capture all the shots. I needed to be 110% prepared with my shot list because there’s not enough time to try and figure things it out during the shoot. I like to describe the role of the producer as someone that creates the atmosphere for the director to paint his art.

What was the genesis of “Clown Fear” and why do you feel people are so scared of clowns? How did you draw Grindstone and Lionsgate into the project?

I’ve touched on how the concept of “Clown Fear” was inspired earlier but as why people are afraid of clowns. Hmm? It’s an enigma to me. Everyone has phobias and coulrophobia is definitely a very interesting phenomenon. I’m not afraid of clowns, but I have a theory why. I believe it stems from childhood when parents have a clown at their children’s birthday party. A kid’s first association at the age of five of some weird clown makeup person could be extremely scary on a child’s impression.

   Going into this project, I knew we had a good chance of getting Grindstone/Lionsgate to look at the script. Of course there were no guarantees of them picking up the distribution. I’m glad we were able to finish the deal once we were done with the film.

 How hard is it to co-write a script with another person? Walk us through a typical writing day and tell about your process.

The writing process was very tough because I knew we had a short window to turn it in for approval. I was finishing my documentary at the same time with my producer on a documentary film “Rocking The Couch”. We spent about twelve hours each day for two weeks straight editing and at the same time I would be writing.

 What is the line between “horror” and “torture porn” and how does a director decide when enough is enough in terms of violence?

There are many horror films that I considered torture porn. For me, it’s when the nudity and sexual content stops being a part of the story. I try to stay within a certain criteria for “Clown Fear”. We were able to get the “R” rating through the MPAA board. If it doesn’t pass with the “R” rating then we would have to re-edit the movie to meet the criterias. Fortunately, we passed with the “R” rating the first time through but I knew we were well within the criteria. Each pass can be extremely expensive due to re-edits and re-submissions. Grindstone/Lionsgate would not accept our film if it got an “X”.

 What is the health of the indie horror industry in your opinion?

I believe indie horror industry is doing well in today’s changing market. There was a recent article in Forbes about the horror genre still being the most lucrative for investors. The reason is due to a horror films can be produced at a low cost and there’s a constant demand for new contents from horror fans.

 What three actors have you enjoyed working with the most and what makes them so great to work with?

You guys really ask tough questions. I really enjoyed working with so many actors over the years. I had such a great time working with Joey Lawrence on “Hit List”. Joey and I had the same understanding of the script and we saw his character in the same light. When the lead actor is easy to work with then it makes my job a lot easier and we can focus on being creative. I love working with Darcy Demoss on Clown Fear. Darcy was such a great person to collaborate with on this film. It’s nice when someone is a pro at what they do, then it’s easy to mesh the role into one vision. The other actor that I enjoyed working with is Marv Blauvelt aka Tiny Clown. In life, sometimes being in the right place at the right time is what it takes to get that break. This was the case with Marv, I had problems with the lead actor on the first day of filming and decided that it Iwasn’t going to work out. I had kept Marv on standby and decided that day to do a last minute replacement. Marv gladly dove into the lead role of Tiny Clown and never looked back. He had a lot of energy and passion for the part but just needed some direction to create the persona that made the character come to life. I loved what he brought to the table and there were times I knew it was too over the top and curved him back. I prefer to work with someone that is enthusiastic with a role than someone thinking they are above it and will just go through the motion.

 What scares you?

Well, for one I was never afraid of clowns until we filmed this movie. LoL! I don’t have coulrophobia if that’s what you’re thinking but I have respect for them now. There were so many “fires” during the filming of this movie. We had so many things that went wrong that it became a standing joke with my producer and I. We blamed it on the “Clowns” as if they were playing jokes on us. So after all the craziness that happened, I now believe there was a real clown entity that was there playing a role with the entire production. It’s like the clown spirits watching us, so now I understand why people have a fear of clowns.

 The cheetah and I are flying over to watch your latest film but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

I’m going to run you both by my town of Hollywood Florida. It’s the best hidden gem of the east coast. Most tourists will visit Miami or Fort Lauderdale but nestle between these two cities is my little town of Hollywood Florida. It’s a quaint beaches community with great restaurants and bars on the ocean front. Beautiful sunsets on the intercoastal waters and the best film festival in the state (Hollywood Florida Film Festival). https://www.floridahollywoodfilmfestival.com/

I like to thank Minh for taking the time to talk with us about his craft. “Clown Fear” is out now and can be found at Wal-Mart,Best Buy and other large retailers. While you’re at it,snag a copy of “The Hit List” off Amazon or EBay,you’ll be glad you did!!

Thanks to Phil Herman as well…..this was a lot of fun!

As how you can follow Minh’s next move…….

You can follow him on his IMDb page. You can follow him on Twitter. You can also follow Minh on his InstaGram page.

Thank you for reading and sharing Minh’s interview with your friends and peers. If you’re new to the blog and the “8 Questions with….”series,you can catch up here. Feel free to drop a comment….

8 Questions with………..film director/producer Minh Collins its 10:02 pm dark/chilly/woah!! Welcome to "8 Questions with...." Before the cheetah and I teamed up to become the best film reviewers ever,I used to just use films as white noise (I have shared this story in a past blog).