#(Humanity's Despair) : Ryoji

[epitomees]

~ Aigis' Tags ~

More will be added as needed!

[elle-p]

Thoughts of what once was Ryoji Mochizuki

...Just as I thought, you couldn't lay a finger on me. Maybe you began to love me because we met as friends. But as I've warned multiple times, what I as the 'Appriser' will give you is absolute death. It's not something that can be overcome through willpower or effort. The 'end' as the contrapostion to 'life', which every living thing has without exception, comes upon all human beings as an unavoidable decision. The 'death' that everyone should know but don't recognise as their own... when you all face it, you can't help but dread and depair over that overwhelming truth. So I at least wanted to let you forget about it all and have it come to an end. Only you, who raised me, had the power to make it happen. ...Even though it turned out like this, I'm glad to have met you. Until we meet again, take care. ...Best wishes in the coming year.

The desire of two boys who seek their former halves

Tonight, when the moon ascends in the sky, I will reunite with part of my former self on the tower's peak. Just as time flows and the seasons change, it's obvious that all living things are preparing to end, and that it is unavoidable. Though I know that, I still try to cling to a miracle that might happen. Until I witness true despair, I'm holding on to a sliver of hope... Shadows are born from people's hearts. And Personas are too; they are of the same essence. The only difference is if one has an intent. No matter how much of that power one might wield, what would be the reason to threaten that which is the root of existence, the Great Mother? How much can a tiny, foolish child who bares their fangs at the Fall, the name of the Great Mother, Nyx, do? ...If the future is to change, it's the power of will that's the source of Personas, the heart's bonds, that will push you forward. Now, let's head to that place to fullfill our duty. I, we, have shed tears about the premonition that this day will come ever since we were one.

⋯⋯やっぱり君は、僕に手を下せなかったね。僕たちが友だちとして出会ってしまったから、情が移っちゃったのかもしれないね。でも僕は何度も忠告した、「宣告者」である僕が連れてくる のは絶対の死だ。努力とか意志の力でなんとかできるようなもの じゃない。生きとし生けるものが例外なく持った、「生きる」対偶としての「終わり」が、避けようのない決定事項として、すべての人間の上に訪れるものだ。みんな知ってるはずなのに、自分のこととして認識しなかった「死」⋯⋯それを迎えたときに君たちは、その圧倒的な事実の前に恐怖し、絶望せずにはいられない。だから僕はせめて、すべてを忘れて終わりを迎えてもらおうと思った。僕を育ててくれた君にだけは、それを叶える力があったのだからね。⋯⋯こんな形になってしまったけど、君に出会えたこと、嬉しかった。つぎに逢うときまで元気で。⋯⋯よいお年を。

かつて望月綾時だったものの思い

かつての半身を求めるふたりの少年の想い

今夜、月が天に昇るとき、かつて自分の一部であったものと、あの塔の頂で再会する。時が流れるように、季節が巡るように、生きるものがその終わりに死を控えていることは自明のことで、それを避けることなんてできなしない。それをわかってはいても、それでもなお、起こるかもしれない奇跡にすがろうとする。本当の絶望を目にするまで、一縷の望みをついでいる⋯⋯。シャドウは人の心から生まれ出たものだ。そしてぺルソナもまた、それらと本質を一にするものだ。ちがうのはそこに本人の意思があるかどうかというだけ。その力をいくら振るおうとも、存在の根源、太母であるものの足元をおびやかせる道理などあるだろうか。滅びという名の大いなる母ニュクスに牙を剥くちっぽけで愚かな子供に、一体どれほどのこと���できるというのか。⋯⋯未来が変わるというなら、その背中を押すのはペルソナの源となる意志の力、心の絆だ。さあ、与えられた役目を果たすために、その場所を目指そう。僕は、僕たちは、ひとつだったときから、この日が来る予感に涙を流していたんだから。

[cosmama]

❛ i wish there were a way to tell the story where the end didn’t arrive so soon. ❜

tfw ur alien, primordial mom(?) says 'stop fking crying and go end the world binch'. // ੈ✩‧ ₊˚

the 'mother' watches over the 'son' : choosing to do nothing but listen as he weeps quietly before her. the boy laid sprawled on the floor across from her barely tangible form: eyes bloodshot from crying, hair frazzled from distress, and his clothes utterly disheveled. nyx, however, continues to be unflinching in her indifference, not moving to soothe or scold him - even as her own pale cheeks are stained with empty tears in response to his own. the two entities shared an inherent bond and so thanatos' pain became her own - even if she couldn't ( or more so, did not want to ) understand what grieved him so now.

death, her eldest and most faithful 'child', was now wrapped in the gentle, unassuming guise of a human; his beating heart overflowing with emotions that did not become one of his station.

all she can manage to muster is a tired sigh before she gracefully floats towards him, her voice completely filling the room while she does so. ' what makes humanity different from any life we have taken before? ' her spirit is increasingly strained by the energy needed to even sustain some semblance of a form here - emphasized by how her body fades in and out when she moves. there's no judgement towards him within her words ( at least not yet. ). nyx is simply matter of fact about the situation in front of them. death was a natural part of life and nothing in this universe could run from it no matter how hard they wished to do so.

' or...' she continues, ' do you think they are deserving of an exception simply because of the bonds you have forged with them? ' the question strikes a visible nerve, the 'son's' head whipping up to look at her in sheer anguish.

the 'mother' just blinks down at him blankly as the momentary dread of the dark hour begins to come to its close. slowly, she lowers herself to his level and gathers enough of her strength to tangibly place a hand on one of his shoulders; the closest thing to comfort she is able to give him. unfortunately, nyx's soft, sleepy voice does not match the horror of the words she says next: ❛ their fates have been sealed. ❜ her words are final. the judge's gavel has been struck. the invisible hour fades and so does she, leaving him alone to wallow in his pain until night falls upon him once again.

rare moment of me rambling a bit ooc in an ask: i wrote her intentionally somewhat mean here; it hurt me; i'm sorry fictional character ryoji. i was thinking, what would you feel if you're this primordial being that's been torn apart and have a chance to be 'whole' again? would you not want it? i do find the stuff around nyx and death kind of *vague handwaving* but conceptually very interesting. the line between who/what they are seems blurry in canon; whether it's because 'ryoji, the human' wants to dissociate himself from 'death, the concept', i don't know ( and i guess the other question is: does it really matter? the end result is the same. )

i don't think that whatever relationship nyx and death have is a traditional (lol) mother / son relationship at all. he was born from her essence and that's that. with that said, you would think a part of death would want its 'mother' to be whole again - which is what the fall is? but all we get is ryoji's despair. he suffers at what will be done to his new friends but is still forced(?) to obey whatever call that makes him into what we fight at the end of the game. i find that all interesting. ( i also think if you play into the princess serenity vibes, nyx being curious about other cultures / species but it being her downfall would be interesting / add layers. but just. a thought. )

anyway, people have probably been exploring these questions in the fandom for years but i'm new here so!!

[miss-windsong]

Please talk about the Eva rebuild stuff. That 4th movie also had me in tears

okay brace for wall of text. spoiler line for if u haven't seen this movie (go watch eva if you haven't)

okay. first off. the opening to that movie is amazing. the retaking of paris gives us a chance to see how effective misato and ritsuko are as a team, as well as showing us that humanity isn't out of the fight. eva as a series is about a lot of things, but one of the core themes is human emotion; the original show always struck me as being about human despair, while the movies seem to be about human hope. all throughout the 4th rebuild movie, we see lines from both sides about hope versus rationalism - gendoh is so certain that his choice is the right one that he never even for a second believes he could fail. misato and WILLE, on the other hand, are almost certain that their cause is doomed to fail, but they choose to go on because they have the totality of human hope and will (haha funny pun) on their shoulders.

also, the trains. trains in eva are everywhere. shinji arrives on a train at the start of the show. his father puts him on a train and sends him away when he was a kid. he tries to run away on a train, but he can't. so many of the flashbacks are set in train cars. trains in eva seem to represent change. at the start of the 4th rebuild movie, the town they live in is an old train station. everything is inside trains - the library is a train car, they use train cars to move goods around, the town square is centered on a railway turntable. but shinji goes up to live with his old friend, in an old (importantly nonfunctional) train station, surrounded by immobilized floating trains. he isn't ready to change yet.

but when we get to the end of the movie, the flashbacks inside the anti-universe (gods i feel so silly typing this stuff out, if you haven't watched any of this i promise it's actually called that), when shinji finally starts to process all of his feelings towards the people in his life, it's portrayed as them getting off the train. they've arrived at their new station. and of course the last scene being at a train station, where shinji leaves of his own choice - it fucks. it makes me sob.

then there's all the stuff about parenthood. misato thinking of herself as being unworthy of the title of "mother" because she abandoned her child who knows nothing about her, despite the fact that she served as essentially a mother figure to shinji (count the number of mother figures shinji has in eva the truth may surprise you). gendoh being a terrible father to shinji because he's just like shinji - shy, reserved, (autistic), and devastated by the loss of his wife. Toji becoming a father as a way to represent that he's matured and grown, while kensuke seems to still be living in his past. of course shinji's mom, being the thing that was always protecting him. ryoji being essentially the father figure of all of humanity by making the sacrifice at the end of the third movie, with his final true act in the story being the ark of living things released into space.

from my interpretation, shinji is humanity. he represents everything about us; our insecurities, our bravery, our cowardice, our inability to face our mistakes, our determination to fix them, and our stupidity. he is the Human Element that throws a wrench in everyone's plans. misato seems to be the mother figure of all humanity, which makes sense given her relationship with ryoji. she is the leader of WILLE, the manifestation of human willpower and determination. she gives everything and more for the sake of the continuation of her species.

there is more that i haven't thought of (i didnt even get into kaworu or shinji's gender and sexuality or asuka or rei or mari or or or) but maybe those posts will come another time. i have so many fucking thoughts about this story and everything in it rends me in half and leaves me sobbing into a pillow because i decided to rewatch the 4th movie at 4am.

[semi-imaginary-place]

p3 reload hype and random thoughts

I've honestly grown fond of the old timely ps2 graphics for FES, makes it feel like the mid 2000s period piece that it is, it adds to the aesthetic. I like p3's mid 2000s ps2 vibes, its not the same without the 360p

I am excited for Reload and do want it eventually but it's not a burning need or anything though the trailers look promising for finally having a definitive edition. I would like the artbook but I don't want any of the other stuff so I'll probably wait for a steam sale.

With the Reload trailers I might be reading too much into this but I've been trying to psychoanalyze Atlus and I think they are trying to simultaneously appeal to 2 player bases, both new and old players. The 1st trailer is the only one on the 2 websites (the p3r and atlus websites) so that's the one geared towards new players. Trailers 2 and 3 are the ones with all the spoilers so I'm assuming it's to show new content for old players kind of like how the FES opening is filled with spoilers too.

I hope this is a sign Reload has expanded the Ryoji content because he is desperately underdeveloped, his social link was one of the only good things to come out of P3P because it deepened his characterization and he desperately needed it.

Perhaps unpopular opinion but I think Nyx Avatar should level scale, really make you feel despair, if you want to keep playing you better fight with all you have. don't you feel like giving up already.

why aigis was built to look like a teenage girl? researchers knew they were in a JRPG. jk the anti-shadow suppression weapons were made to imitate the human psyche, and I can't quite remember but probably something specific about how teenage years are important to identity building or like especially emotional or something

[fellhellion]

i will NEVER stop thinking about aigis and ryoji being foils to one another; both “inhuman” beings who gain humanity and yet come to completely different conclusions when faced with a scenario of utter despair

[madmanjive]

Shinji, Asuka, and QRei wander until they are picked up by a truck, transporting them to a nearby Lilin settlement.

Toji is a village doctor and father of a young child named Tsubama (with Hikari, who is also alive).

Kensuke is also there. He’s an avid survivalist and works for a smaller sub-organization within WILLE called KREDIT, developing and refining the re-vitalization tech used for Angel Sealing Pillars.

Shinji stays with Kensuke and Asuka. Asuka wanders around naked and has a few suspiciously intimate moments with Kensuke, who she refers to as Ken-Ken.

Shinji is nearly catatonic. He refuses to eat or engage, still shaken by what happened with Kaworu. At one point, he gets a glimpse of Asuka’s DSS Choker and vomits, having been reminded of Kaworu’s head exploding. Kensuke cleans up the vomit.

Asuka marvels how he can manage to throw up without eating anything. Frustrated, Asuka and other villagers try to forcefeed him meals. Village elders scold Shinji for not trying hard enough. Hikari implores that the elders go easier on him.  

Meanwhile, Shinji is slowly recovering from his initial shock. Asuka is protecting the village perimeter.Kensuke teaches Shinji how to fish, elaborating more on the Angel Sealing Pillars. According to Kensuke, ASPs do not run indefinitely. Their failure will mean the end of the Lilin settlement and its inhabitants. Here, he introduces Shinji to “Ryoji Kaji” - Misato and Kaji’s 14 year old son, who works with Kensuke on KREDIT.Ryoji wears a light blue/white radiation suit. Here, it’s explained that Kaji died during 3rd Impact by closing the Door of Guf, while Misato was pregnant with Ryoji. Presumably, the Door of Guf can only be opened and closed with a Key of Nebuchandezzer, so Kaji could have procured two Keys from SEELE, one that he gave to Gendo, and one that he kept for himself.Ryoji has no clue who his parents are - allegedly thinks of himself as orphaned (parallels with Kaji’s own childhood post-Second Impact). Misato had abandoned him shortly after he was born. 

Turns out, Rei has an LCL deficiency in need of constant maintenance. Her body deteriorates the longer she remains outside her tank. With Tsubama near, Rei starts crying as the realization dawns on her. She has no idea how to process her death and doesn’t understand why it makes her so sad.Before she dies, Rei finds Shinji and gives him the SDAT. She thanks him. Her plugsuit changes color from black to white and she explodes in a pop of LCL.Shinji decides to return to WILLE and help Misato restore the world back to its pre-Impact state.WILLE does not react to Shinji well. They quarantine him again, though this time without a DSS Choker. Asuka and Mari visit him in his quarantine cell.Mari re-introduces herself to Shinji. Asuka admits to Shinji that she’d “liked him a long time ago” when she was still a child. Asuka is relieved to be long past those childish feelings, and happier still she had the opportunity to get them off her chest.Gendo starts to make use of Eva 13. The Wunder embarks to destroy him and 13. Here, a battle ignites between a skull-Eva army and Units 02 and 08, repaired with the spare parts WILLE salvaged from Paris in AVANT.Asuka attempts to destroy Unit 13′s core, first by removing her eyepatch to unleash an energy bolt from her Bardiel-corrupted eyesocket.When that doesn’t work, she goes beast mode, only for Unit 13 to destroy her after she injects Angel blood into 02 for an emergency upgrade. Asuka dies.  

Gendo successfully merges with 13, ready to start the final Impact. Shinji demands that Misato let him pilot Unit-01.Misato agrees; the time has come for Shinji to face off against his father in Unit-01. However, Sakura and Midori are vehemently opposed to the idea.Sakura, terrified and panicked, tries to shoot Shinji. Misato intervenes and takes a bullet for him (just like in EOE).As Shinji rushes to Misato’s aid, they have a heart to heart. Shinji tells Misato he met her son, Ryoji, and liked him. Shinji hands Misato a photo of Shinji and Ryoji smiling together that Kensuke had taken moments before. Misato smiles, relieved.Mari retrieves Shinji and transports him to Unit 01. Inside 01, sits Rei II with long hair. Shinji goes berserk.Shinji and Gendo duke it out in Units 01 and 13. Shinji is positioned as someone capable of growth, someone who can move on from the past, versus Gendo, who is escapist, stagnant, trapped in old memories. Shinji resolves to create a new world without Evas. During their fight, Shinji and Gendo’s memories cycle through, pulling in random scenes from their pasts: Shinji’s middle school, Sachiel stage, inside Misato’s apartment, etc.WILLE is baffled how Shinji can pilot despite his synch ratio reading “zero” - until Maya and Ritsuko realize “zero” actually represents the number closest to zero; that is, infinity.At one point, Gendo and Shinji stop fighting and the setting transforms to reveal a train, where they both confront each other. Gendo’s backstory is explored: he was alone and didn’t care about people, until he met Yui, who made him feel for the first time. When she died, he decied he’d do anything to get her back again.  

Shinji gets right up in Gendo’s face and pops his AT Field. Gendo protests, incredulous and resisting. We see a flashback of Gendo sending Shinji away.Shinji gives Gendo the SDAT through the AT Field. Gendo, defeated, departs the train  

Shinji and Rei brainstorm how the new, Eva-less world will look like. Shinji says, in English, the new world will be a “Neon Genesis.”Rebuild is set up as a sequel/loop of the original TV series. Kaworu is the same character in every Evangelion story: when he dies in one universe he gets brought back in another.Shinji remembers the original anime inside Unit 01, which contains both the Lance of Longinus and Lance of Cassius (the lances of hope and despair, together).  

Shinji attempts to impale himself as we get flashbacks from End of Evangelion. Giant Rei returns in hyperrealistic/fantastical CGI.Misato sacrifies herself and the Wunder by colliding the ship into GNR’s giant head. Before she dies, she says “I’m sorry, Ryoji” - a parallel played straight with Gendo in EOE.Yui blocks Shinji before he can impale himself with the Spears. Two sets of arms wrap around 01, including Eva 13 (Gendo). Gendo and Yui reunite, smiling fondly at their son.Shinji gets transported into the sea of LCL from End of Evangelion. Asuka is there, her plugsuit in tatters. Shinji tells Asuka that he once liked her, but now she needs to take care of Kensuke.Asuka has an Instrumentality sequence where she confronts a giant, human-sized doll as a child. The doll removes its head to reveal Kensuke, who affirms her existence  

Final Impact commences. Shinji says “Goodbye, all of Evangelion.” Unlike EOE Impact where everyone explodes into puddles of LCL, everyone, already having exploded, regains their forms through self-discovery.Evangelions turn into humans. Humans become men, women, children, animals, and nature.Shinji is alone on a quiet, blue beach. Mari’s Evangelion appears and says, “Goodbye Evangelion 3.0+1.0.” We’re treated to another train station. Adult Shinji, wearing a business suit, waits on one side of the tracks. Adult Rei and Kaworu are on the other side.Adult Mari comes up from behind Shinji and goes “Guess who?”Shinji replies: “a woman with a big chest.” Mari asks him if he’s “ready to go” and Shinji responds with an affirmative. Then, the shot pulls back to reveal a shot of live action Ube, Japan - Hideaki Anno’s hometow 

There you have it. After all these years kensuke get to be whit the girl of his dreams. Kensuke is the man.   AsukaKkenken LIVES!!!! Good things comes to those who wait.  

[fantasyinvader]

One of the things I’m actually kinda grateful to the Three Houses discourse is how it’s affected my understanding of Kamen Rider Gaim’s ending. Like, when I first watched the ending as it aired, I saw Kaito calling Kouta strong as a good thing. It was Kaito acknowledging Kouta’s strength. I saw it as a good thing. But now, after looking into social Darwinism and the idea that the strong rise to the top? It’s not so simple, and greatly informs Kouta’s decision.

For reference, in Gaim there was this interdimensional forest called Helheim that housed a fruit that would give whomever ate it god-like powers to shape the world as they saw fit. Kouta, due to using his final form which used a fragment of this power, was losing his humanity while Kaito, in despair, ate a fruit that should have turned him into a mindless monster but instead turned him into a powerful Overlord of Helheim.

Kaito is a social Darwinist (not helped by Helheim invading Earth being watched over by a personification of evolution, where weak races will be overrun while the strong will take new shapes). He believes, due to how big company Yggdrasil destroyed his family, that the strong rule over the weak and he absolutely hates it. He wants to become strong so that he can prevent the strong from abusing the weak, and when he becomes an Overlord he’s broken. He fully understands this idea is hypocritical, but he’s still going to use the power of Helheim to create the world he desires even if it means destroying the current one.

So, when Kaito calls Kouta strong as he’s dying, Kouta is everything Kaito fears (ironic, since Kouta’s supposed death is one of the things that broke him, the other being the girl he liked having her heart removed and dying since part of the fruit was attached to it). So when Kouta becomes a god, what does he do with his power? How does he shape Earth as he sees fit?

Answer: He doesn’t. He instead uses his power on some far away planet without life, leaving mankind to it’s own devices rather than forcing his version of the world on them. Because he understood Kaito’s fears at this point.

And, really, it was the culmination of Kouta’s arc. When he first became a Rider, he tried to make money off of it only to be called out on it by his sister. He was told to focus on helping others, not himself. When Ryoji turned into a monster and was killed by Kamen Rider Sigurd, Sigurd said a hero kills monsters. Kouta did not like that. When he learned he accidentally killed his best friend (turned into a monster) and that the current plan to save humanity would only save a select few, Kouta ended up rejecting that ideology, saying what right does he get to choose who lives and who dies, and instead focused on saving everyone in contrast to Micchy (who was becoming more and more of a control freak). Then we have Kaito.

Gen Urobuchi said that when writing Gaim, he was stuck on how to make an orange (Gaim’s secondary theme after samurai) heroic. Kouta’s arc is about him learning to put others ahead of himself. To help others without regard to what he stands to gain, to not play god in both deciding who gets to live and using pushing his views on the world, to be selfless and compassionate but willing to use lethal force against those who can’t be reasoned with.

I used to say Urobuchi succeeded, but now thanks to 3H I think he just didn’t succeed. He soared. The whole thing about Kouta, in the end, is that he serves as an inspiration to a reformed Micchy. That’s how he changes the world, but influencing people through his actions and beliefs. Kinda like how a character in a kid’s show can do the same for the audience. It’s been nearly a decade and Kouta’s story is still the one that hooked me like no other...aside from W and Fourze.

[artemis-maia]

Next to the moon arcana for Maya my favorite arcana representation is Wheel of Fortune for Jun and Ryoji. It’s fitting for both Jun as well as for Ryoji since both of them really personify this arcana.

Wheel of Fortune is mistakingly often interpreted as a neutral card but you should actually interpret this card as the personification of randomness, karma (be kind to others - others are kind to you) and ups and downs. I think that in Jun’s and Ryoji’s cases the meaning of this card was totally appropriate since their storylines are never quiet.

Wheel of Fortune means:

destiny/fate, good luck, upheaval, cycles and change, mystery, unpredicable, surprises, fated meetings

reversed meaning:

bad luck, misfortune, what should be good luck turns into misfortune, set backs, delays

The wheel is always turning, never stagnant thus you never know what destiny has planned for you next. It can go from good fate to bad and bad to good randomly similar to how the Wheel of Fortune/Rota Fortunae in medieval portrayals also spins at random. What is sure though is that this card is representing game changing.

On the wheel itself you can read the word rota (wheel), taro, tora, and the symbols for YHVH. The four beasts surrounding the wheel are the symbols for the four evangelists angel/human/Aquarius (Mathew), eagle/Scorpio (John), bull/Taurus (Luke) and lion/Leo (Mark). They can also be seen as the creatures of Ezekiel, or the four beasts in the Revelation. I like that they have chosen the card for Jun since it also sneaks in the fixed Zodiac motif that is so important in IS.

You can also see symbols for mercury, sulpuhur, water and salt as well a sphinx, the god Anubis and the snake giant Typhon.

First of Tatsuya and Jun meeting as children in IS was a fateful encounter since it led to their Doppelgänger bond and also allowed the other Masked Circle members to enter their lives.

Anyway as for Jun the meaning of fate turning definitely fits with how he fell into Nyarly's clutches and took on the identity as Joker in IS due to several unlucky events like the Araya shrine incident or his family falling apart.

Once he joins your team after Caracol he repents and wants to atone for temporarily becoming Joker.

Nyarly even mentions that Jun has been removed from the wheel after he joins your team which is the beginning of Jun's upwards spiral. He does have moments where he despairs like in Xibalba but since he adapts to the new change by having the other Masked Circle members back in his life again he moves on forward.

At the ending of IS due to the parallel EP Universe being created Jun's destiny is basically reset since EP Jun will never become Joker and his father is still alive and his relationship with his mother is much better.

I think that Jun on purpose had to have his downwards and upwards spirals to properly respresent this card since fate has to push him back and forth. It's not a quiet card it's rather chaotic.

In Ryoji's case the Wheel of Fortune also fits perfectly. Here we have the new student who gains lots of attention instantly, even gets a couple of friends quickly, who is rumored to be rich.

Fate/destined meeting is mentioned over and over in his s-link and his mood shifts drastically from goofy/cheery to downright depressive the closer he is to getting behind his true role as the Appriser. Also it's interesting how Ryoji at first seems to get what he wants in his s-link (being successful at posing as a human, a possible future, friends like Junpei, FEMC by his side) and then loses it all instantly. Also the rumor about Ryoji being rich is funny since you know with him being Pharos that Ryoji is pretty much without much resources since the rich parents turn out to be fabricated. Even his physical appearance is not what it seems as you see on December 31.

In Ryoji's case the Wheel of Fortune motif is also interesting since the Wheel is often used in Shakespeare play like Hamlet or Romeo and Juliet as a motif and Ryoji’s star-crossed character fits perfectly to this.

[etgloria]

when was the last time they cried? when was the last time they smiled? & when was the last time they felt scared?

All of these are for Ryoji. Enjoy the pain.

Cry? Smile? Fear? Why would Death itself feel these things? But Ryoji cannot deny- he does feel those things. He feels sadness, he feels joy, her feels fear- unfathomable fear. He relieves his nightmare everytime he appears. Everytime a human world requires his being deep down fear eats and hi and quickly after comes despair.

"Well...I feel all of these things rather regularly. It is normal after all- for some one to be hurt by the death of someone else. But as for my smile-"

"Would now suffice?"

[transiens]

calamity. (part I.)

   Their words to each other… Of all the times for him to recall them, it had to be now. Against his wishes, no less. It seems like such an average memory; one that can just be discarded without hesitation. But he remembers everything about it. How the leaves fell around the school gate as if heralding the day to come. How both determination and sorrow were present in her eyes as she spoke. Every single word uttered to him before they went on with their days. 

         “ Good morning. …I intend to do my best to protect everyone. ”

   He didn’t know what she meant. He still doesn’t. His only response to her back then was a simple nod; the word “understood” being said with a hint of uncertainty and confidence under those falling leaves. 

   How did they get here from such a simple meeting? 

   Sparks constantly glide across the greenly tinted heavens, descending swiftly and striking against the pavement at his feet. They’re lights that he considers to be even more worrisome than that of the Dark Hour. Lights that seem to compliment her vegetative state quite well. Almost too well. Part of him wishes this is just a joke. That she’ll get back up and put on that naïve smile of hers to reassure him. 

   But it never comes. Aigis is still motionless. 

   Almost as if she were dead. 

         “ …I intend to do my best to protect everyone. ”

   From what? What the Hell was so important that she had to act on her own? Was it the Dark Hour? But they had already beat all twelve Shadows. Together. He doesn’t understand. No matter how many times he tries to rationalize her words, he just doesn’t understand. 

   He looks at her, but can’t bear to keep his gaze steady for long. She can’t even stand. Her knees are practically one with the ground. Her head is slumped in a dejected fashion. If it were possible—if she were human—the floor would have already been marred with tears before he arrived to witness her like this. 

   It’s a shame; he can’t bring himself to cry for her. The shock alone is just too much for him to bear. Even as she stares into his eyes with sadness etched in her own, he can’t shed even the smallest of tears. 

   But for the first time, he wants to. Truly, he does. And his inability to do so causes him no end of grief. 

         “ —I’m… sorry… ” 

   Her voice snaps Makoto out of his thoughts. She sounds so weak. So fragile. 

         “ I… I… remember everything… Who I am… Who ‘he’ is… ” 

         “ Aigis... ” Words are finally forced from the boy’s dry throat. His knees brush against the paved surface like hers. Her damaged hand is grasped firmly by both of his. It should hurt—in fact, it does. There’s a stinging pain that grabs hold of him when they touch. But he braves through it. The least he can do is tough it out. It’s paltry compared to what she must be feeling. “ Don’t move, alright…? Just— ” 

         “ I know… ” She interrupts him; his order met with blatant defiance. “ …why I wanted to be… by your side… ” Yet he isn’t even remotely cross with her. He can only shut his eyes briefly and let out a sigh. And he does so in silence, vaguely granting her permission to speak. 

   Her fingers lock with his. The pain it brings him is at last noted and she tries to pull away. But his own grasp on her hand tightens and adds security to their somber embrace. She almost pleads with him to release her, but all intentions of doing so are dashed the instant she notes the concern in his eyes. 

   It’s cold. Her hands, her fingers, her entire body is so cold. It’s the first time it feels like this, he realizes. It unnerves him; he doesn’t like it at all. Were her hands always so frigid? How could he not have noticed up to now? 

   Or maybe this really is the first time it feels like this. 

   For the first time, Aigis feels robotic. 

   And Makoto can’t stand it. 

         “ I’m sorry… ” 

         Cut it out. Don’t apologize.

         “ I’m really sorry… ” 

         Stop it. 

         “ I am… so sorry… ” 

         Please. Just stop. 

         “ Makoto-san… I’m so sorry… ” 

         “ Stop it! ” Oh, the pain that his tightened grasp inflicts onto him. But he doesn’t care. He can’t take it anymore. Her sorrowful eyes, her trembling voice, her despair-filled apologies—he can’t bear it for another second. It’s enough to bring his voice to a high that was previously unheard of. It isn’t a yell, but it feels like one. 

         “ …stop talking, ” he demands. “ Quit talking like this is the end, alright? ” The desperation behind Makoto’s words is almost frightening to hear. Those within earshot can’t even say a word. How could they hope to calm their leader down when it’s the first time they’ve seen him so vulnerable? “ It’s going to be okay. Just… save your energy. Don’t talk… Just--- ” 

         “ ---I’m… ”

   Aigis attempts to speak once more—possibly to utter another apology—but her body finally begins to fail her. Those sparks emanating from her body dramatically increase in number before reaching a crescendo. And much like those leaves before the gate, silence descends when the last few sparks come crashing down. 

         “ —Aigis... ” No answer. 

         “ …Aigis? ” Not one response. 

         “ Aigis! ” Still no answer. Nothing at all. His hands are on her shoulders now, shaking her in a futile attempt to wake her up. It’s a fruitless effort—it seemed like such even from the beginning—but Makoto continues to try. 

         “ …I’m sorry. ” 

   Minutes fly by in silence. Minutes spent in futility before he at last gives up, holding Aigis’ unconscious body in his arms. Solemnity overwhelms him, and all the others who have arrived can do is watch as he silently suffers. Overcome with emotion, Makoto can only sit there, still holding onto her with the dim hope that she’ll come to. It’s only after he calms himself (as much as he can, anyway) that he begins to realize the obvious fact. 

   She’s a machine. She can be rebuilt. There is no sense in grieving for something that can be repaired. 

   But… 

         To Hell with that, he thinks. That’s the future. This is the present. And the present hurts. And it’s now, at this present time, that he begins to ask himself something he should have inquired of her from the beginning. 

   Who did this? What did this? To damage her so severely isn’t a feat anyone can consider to be easy. Even Strega could argue that. So who— 

         “ There’s no need for you to apologize… ” 

   That voice… It’s a voice he’s heard before, but sadness tinges its tone. Footsteps echo along the bridge, getting louder as they draw closer. Everyone apart from Makoto is on edge—most even have their Evokers on standby in case of a skirmish. But when the full moon’s wicked light illuminates features that distinguish them so, they all freeze. 

   His pitch black hair—now tinted with a sickly green by the Dark Hour’s light—flows gently in the direction of the nighttime breeze. His pricey, neatly kept shoes maintain their luster even as they step into a small spill of blood. The clouds above begin straying away from the moon, allowing the shade that once obscured his pale skin to vanish. And his eyes—those vibrant, blue eyes—are filled with as much sorrow as Makoto’s. 

   Even Makoto, who just moments ago was only concerned for Aigis, can’t help but stare at the boy under the yellow moonlight. His lips part, but there’s a moment of silence; a moment in which he’s unable to speak. And when he finally manages to force words out into the open again, only one word, a name, is uttered with disbelief and vague astonishment. 

         “ Ryoji…? ”