#(....not at all true im neglecting so many things to write this)

[yyxandere]

Yandere headcanons for daigo dojima please?

・✶ ｡ﾟ𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐓𝐔𝐀𝐑𝐘

[♡]ー ꒱・！CHARACTER！:: DAIGO DOJIMA.

✧.* gender/pronouns ─ “You” pronouns

✩.* note ─ I took some writing liberty and made a scenario for this! I’m sorry if this isn’t what you expected anon( ´△｀) im really really sorry!!

✩.* TRIGGER WARNINGS ─ Unhealthy Relationship, Unhealthy Mindset, OOC, Not Proofread and SPOILERS FOR KIWAMI 2

• Ah, yes our beloved bastard Daigo Dojima. If we are talking about Yakuza Kiwami 2, Daigo then he will be a different person, he would be Cold and Neglectful to his darling or otherwise— you.

• After he got his pride crushed by Ryuji, Daigo turned into more of an asshole than before, he wouldn’t physically hurt you but he will throw cold remarks towards you, in that phase he doesn't really care about you even if you guys are in a relationship, he would bring many girls into his apartment and you can't break up with because of his verbal and emotional abuse. He's just overall a prick of a boyfriend and even if you manage to break up with him, he will act un reasonable until you come back to him. But when you come back to him he will treat you again like one of his side hoes, nothing really changed.

• He's overall abusive, but when the alcohol hits, when he becomes a weeping puppy on you, muttering 'sorry' and 'forgive me' a true mix of manipulativeness and self-pity is in there. You are never sure what he is going to say or do next, it could mean a lot of things, so you have decided that he was just like this from the start. The fact that he is a jerk who will always blame himself for anything is not new. You desperately want to leave Daigo but in the state he is in, you can’t leave him in the cold floor with booze around him.

• But now if our glorious king Kiryu finally met him and beat some sense into him, then we will see some changes. After being the chairman he will improve himself because of his duty, at first he might even forget you (you guys may have broken up) and just focus on his responsibilities as a chairman. But little by little, minor things reminded him of you. When he became chairman a lot of his “friends” either stuck to his side for his reputation or left him because of his position yet, by any means he couldn’t get rid of your face, how you always drag his ass back to bed when he is flat out drunk, how you wipe away puke from his chin. He decided to search for you until he met you again in a cafe as a coincidence.

• Do you know what kind of cafe? It was the one where you used to wait for him when he was in his late teens, it was the pure irony that hit Daigo like a truck, Daigo that time never wanted to call Kiryu and give him another ass whopping but this time send him to the ER. Daigo was sweaty and clammy when he approached you, and when you did notice him he jolted out in fear, and that small action completely crushed Daigo. Memories flooded of him being the worst boyfriend ever to you, him bringing random girls to his apartment then making out with them even when you were in front of him, he would only talk to you when he was drunk and vent all his insecurities on you but after showing you his vulnerability he would force himself to forget about everything then the cycle repeats. Yeah. . .those memories hit him, hard.

• When he had the courage to talk to you, he immediately apologize for his shitty behavior, and he knows that you won't be able to forgive me after all the stupid shit he has done even though he was speaking fast, you knew deep inside that he was genuine so you then said to him that you forgive him even though deep inside of you felt extreme bitterness towards him but who knows “maybe the two of you can be friends again”. That line made Daigo almost cry may it be because of the relief that flooded him or such.

• So day by day Daigo even with a tight schedule will manage to squeeze you in it, may it be drinking in that cafe, or you guys catching up while walking at the nearby park, etc. If he doesn't have time no matter how much he tries he will send you a whole bouquet with a written apology made by him personally.

• He likes hearing about your day, your voice soothes and eases him after a long day, of paperwork and casual Yakuza work, he even records you talking to him so if you are ever busy and can't call him, he will listen to those recordings to help him sleep properly.

• Now this is where we talk about the now mature and well-groomed Daigo, not the drunken boy of last year, oh no. He has improved and even though he acknowledges it, this Daigo now is Manipulative, Submissive, and Self-Aware. Daigo knows his place in the Yakuza, he has power and men beside him at any time, one snap of his finger and whatever he needs at his fingertips. He is one of the top dogs in the underworld business, he can't be weak or careless, and he can't let any weakness show to those around him, and if he does so his entire plan gets ruined. So whenever he is with he he just can't help but be comforted by you, and that is why he has many reasons why he LOATHES his past self, his younger self was a total douche that treated you like ass, and because of that younger him didn't notice how priceless you truly are, he genuinely wanna know how you manage to deal with him before, so since then he has been keeping things right, he is doing everything so you can redeem him.

• I can see Daigo and his obsessiveness growing because of the dangers of the Yakuza, and if he manages to feel vulnerable because of you then he will do anything to keep you safe, so slowly and surely he is becoming obsessed.

• He tries to do whatever you want in the first months of the friendship even giving space but the longer you both hang out together the more he will limit your decisions, which should have been a red flag but hey, he is trying to change right? And relationship or not Daigo will spoil you, even how many times you decline it, the new bag you were looking for? It's on your doorstep now.

• Daigo is intimidating. I mean whoever walks the streets of Kamurucho at least knows his face or has heard of him in some way, they know the power he holds, and if he even sees your way, you just have to hope that Daigo doesn't have any bad intentions.

• Daigo will also dig up information about you, he trusts Mine the most, and he knows that he can depend on Mine to dig for information about everything, may it be your family, your friends, or heck even the random stranger you talked to yesterday. Daigo knows which friends he should separate you from and ones that will not get his way to you, even though he will isolate you from all your close ones so you can only depend on him, he has already put his guard down with you and with you alone.

• If by good chance both, you and Daigo gave the relationship again (how did you not notice all the red flags.) then you must be prepared to live a life of isolation. Daigo knows how dangerous it is in the Yakuza world, you never know, maybe the coffee you were supposed to take is laced with coffee, or maybe his fellow enemies hired a hitman on you, so that's why Daigo only makes you live in a mansion far away and is filled with many trusted guards of his home, you can't even walk around the home so most of the time you're cooped up in his room.

• Try to escape him, you really can't but even if you do manage to escape then good luck, the Tojo clan already has many connections and we are not even talking about other clans that sided with the Tojo family, if you really want to escape him then you have to stay undercover REALLY HARD till you earn enough money to get out of the country, but you have to change your name, medical records and heck many even your face.

• But if Daigo manages to catch you, then prepare for many weeks of depravation from any human interaction, Daigo will visit you to bring you your food even though how much you scream and cry at him he has enough patience to handle it all and once you have learned your lesson then expect Daigo even be more strict on you.

• Daigo would definitely spoil you, fancy dinners, nice clothes and many more just don’t look at him with those eyes as if he is the worst thing in the world! He can change, just say whatever you want from him and he would do it! Just don’t ever leave him!!

• But if you manage to deal with his unhealthy obsession (how in the hell.) then you will know how pouty and soft he is in your arms, he will make you cup his face while he grumbles about the shitty thing that happened, if anyone looked at what was happening no one will believe that this is the man that is leading one of the top Yakuza's.

• Don't get me wrong Daigo very much knows that this is very wrong and every day he beats himself up because of it but how can he ever resist you when you bring such comfort to him in the gloomy moments of the night? How can he ever resist you when you look at him and smile and say "I love you" even though you could be lying? The power you hold over the top dog of the underground world is amazing, you are his biggest weak point and he will protect you no matter how many bullet holes he will put behind someone’s back for you are his sanctuary.

His office is as cold as his work. Bloody noses for some blood money, but at the moment he doesn’t care, he has a a special job to do.

The door opens as a police officer comes in, the man as a bit shorter than him. A thin, tall man. He’s not a bad looking guy by any means and is a good choice of clothes, his grin wide like the greedy man he is.

But for now let those thought go away—Daigo. He said as he fixed his hands on the table.

As the police officer sat down, Daigo snapped his thumbs as Mine grabbed two brief case, flew open at the police man in front of him.

“Will this be enough for compensation Mister Osuke-San? The deal of my bad planning during that time when. . .I told one of my man to shoot one of your police officers down.” Daigo’s voice stern and cold, something you will expect at a chairman.

“Mhh, Yes. This will be enough, I will not ask more or less.” a small hum echoed from Daigo as his co-worker closed the brief cases the so called Mr. Osuke stood up and was ready to leave only waiting to be handed his deal.

“And don’t worry, I will make sure that young police would never speak not even think about your ‘partner’. Especially when he forcefully tried to take them to his car because they were linked to you.” the man continued on but Daigo’s face was almost completely covered in anger trying to even remember that day

“My apologies, looks like I’ve blabbered too much~” Mr. Osuke said as he picked up his suit cases, “I will take my leave, but do remember,”

Osuke said as he turned around to look at the glaring chairman, Daigo now gripping at the armrest.

“-if you’re going to beat anyone try to do it in a more secluded and easy to clean place will ya? it’s really hard to clean up the blood afterwards plus the screams of the person could be heard by outsiders and we don’t want that, do we?~”

[lunatic-fandom-space]

Alright, I read The Vampire Lestat all in one go in 8 hours a few hours ago, I spent the whole day at the library just reading it (i brought food w/ me dw) and then I came home, tired ass balls legs hurting from sitting and stimming for that entire time and I immediately went to bed even though I had so many thoughts that I wanted to write about, and now its midnight and I cant sleep and Ive realized that my sleep schedule is just fucked now, so yeah its The Vampire Lestat Thoughts Time now

I wanted to start this post off by talking about the post I made immediately after reading Interview with the Vampire, which was a very short one where I think I basically just called Lestat a very pathetic abuser and I meant that in a very specific nunaced way but I dont think i did a good job conveying that. Anyway, the only person who ever interacted with it was a blog that was called smth like lestats-left-eye and they interacted with it like 8 minutes after I posted it and the reason I remember it so clearly is that I thought that was really menacing. Like, imagine you make a post calling some character a piece of shit and then within minutes you get a notification thats like "characters-no1-fan replied to your post". But they didnt say anything mean, they were basically just like "you need to read the vampire lestat STAT" presumably because they thought it would make me think differently about him but honestly all it did was make me more convinced of his patheticness, less so of his 'abuserness', for lack of a better term, but I think thats mainly because the Thing that would make me call him an abuser was his relationship with Louis and he didnt talk about that very much, and all his other relationships were just like, weird. so. At this point i feel like I should clarify that wben I call him that Im not doing that to moralize or to be judgemental of people who like him, I like him, i just feel like thats an accurate way of describing him and the particular way in which he was manipulative and demanded love

Anyway, the first thing that made him really pathetic in my eyes was the way he 'debunked' Louis' claims at the start of the Interview with a Vampire section because, idek how to describe it, but theres just something so annoying about it. Hes like "I mean, I suppose its true from his point of view, but i actually didnt indescriminately murder random people, I only killed the bad ones, and he also completely neglects to mention our romantic walks and our cute little shakespeare-reenactments for Claudia, and also he says Im stupid and dont know anything but I was actually just keeping the knowledge of our power from him because he seemed so burdened by what little he already had :(" like come on man. And obviously I understand that the power-thing in particular was a retcon because the first book was a standalone, but these books are really well-written and they dont break my immersion so I dont really feel the need to do like, extensive doylist-analysis, yknow what I mean

Like, Ive been reading the ACOTAR series by Sarah J Maas and Ive been critiquing and complaining about those books on a sideblog and authorial intent comes up a lot because theyre clearly trying to say one thing, convey one particular message in an honestly very annoyingly moralizing way, but what the characters actually do and say blatantly contradict it, and for all that the series' fans talk about all the characters being morally gray, theres a very obvious refusal to have them be anything other than paragons of goodness by both the texg and those same fans. And those are not issues I have with the Vampire Chronicles so far, so when i say that I find that Interview with the Vampire section annoying, Im not criticizing the writing, Im saying that Lestat seems like the most frustrating genre of person. I mean, I do have some criticisms of the writing, specifically of the story, but I'll get to that later

For now I wanted to elaborate a little on why I found Lestat so annoying, and its the fact that he spent this whole book talking big game about being evil and revolutionizing the evil-game but then at the end he seemed so unwilling to just let the general public actually think of him as such, even though most humans considered it fiction, like he had to soften the blow at the end. And I do think its him just wanting to soften blow as opposed to him actually wanting to set the record straight because he cares that much about the truth or whatever, because I think if he actually cared about that, he wouldve been a bit more specific instesd of just being like "yeah, Louis said a bunch of things that are wrong about me, but I can forgive him because I suppose they were right from his perspective, even though they arent really" like dude.

It really feels like hes just using this evil-shtick as a crutch and as some kind of self-justification for being unlovable. Like, if hes evil and no one loves him thats fine because evil has no need for love, but if hes evil and someone does love him thats even better because then its a deep romance capable of withstanding anything, yknow what Im saying? But then he talked about the fact that demons in hell and vampires are capable of love and he talks a lot about his own capacity to love, so idk. I definitely feel like he feels a measure of resentment at the fact that Magnus, who was this horrifying stranger that immediately abandoned him, was able to inspire this great love in Lestat but his pretty self wasnt able to do the same with the fledgelings that he turned who were people that he knew and loved in life and/or that he spent decades of his undead existence with

Granted, maybe unlovable isnt the most accurate term to use here bc I dont think that exactly is what matters to him, but I cant think of a better one rn. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe its less about him wanting to convince the general public that he wasnt the pretty pathetic and despicable person Louis described him as, and more about him wanting to convince himself that Louis doesnt actually think of him that way. Or maybe 'cant' is a better word to use here instead of 'doesnt' because the way he says that Louis left out the less dysfunctional parts of their relationship kind of makes me think that Lestat thinks those parts being present makes his feelings and his view of these things unjustified, and I feel like theres a bit of an accusation there that hes purposefully trying to slander him, but the thing is, Louis has way less of an incentive to lie about Lestat than Lestat does to lie about Louis. Like Louis just kinda randomly agreed to do this interview from some guy decades after they last saw each other and then it got published. Even if you said that Louis was somehow masterminding the interview-guy, I just couldnt believe it because I dont see a reason as to why he would do all this and I dont think hes the kind of guy who just does shit for no reason. I also dont think hes nearly as spiteful as Lestat to do this. Also the idea that he would try to slander like this is stupid because who would care about this. Like, humans just see it as fiction and vampires are mad about him giving out the names and locations of vampires but I dont think they actually care about this niche insane relationship drama. And frankly, I feel like Lestat is just way more deluded. Like he calls Louis and Nikolas cynics but Im just like, no, I think those guys are realists and youre prone to delusions of grandeur. but then Im a pretty cynical person myself, so I would say that, wouldnt I

That actually leads really nicely to the second thing that makes me find him really pathetic, and its basically just the entirety of the last three or four chapters. Or, I guess I wouldve called them pathetic if it didnt look like they were at least kind of true ?

Okay so, while I was reading those last few chapters I was basically thinking to myself "okay, Lestat is obviously just making all of this up, I predict that the next book is gonna have a bit where Louis is like 'yeah, I read that autobiography of his and I guess i cant confirm or deny most of it bc he never fucking told me anything, but he just completely made that last bit up, I never went to come find him, and infact, now that hes done this ive decided that Im only communicating with him via passive aggresive autobiographies in which we continously debunk each others claims about our relationship'" because its just. come on, did those chapters not feel like a self-indulgent daydream? Like, "i was looking out the window the day before my big concert when my ex-boyfriend that I still love showed up and I went outside to see him and he was looking really bad in his jeans and sweatshirt but its fine bc i love him, and he hugged and kissed me just like he used to, like a lover <3, and he was sooooooo concerned for my safety and he asked me to just stay with him forever but this time I was the one to reject him, but then I still managed to convince him to go to my concert with me and we kissed before the show started and he was in the audience cheering me on after that, and it was the best concert anyone has ever seen and I felt so awesome standing on that stage, and then once it was over we were attacked by some of my vampiric h8ers but it was all good because my mom appeared out of nowhere to save us and she was wearing modern clothes obviously but otherwise she was exactly the same as when she abandoned me 200 years ago" hey buddy, i thought you were writing an autobiography not fanfiction about how you wish the people you love would stop abandoning you

Louis' behaviour for this whole section is the main thing that ticks me off because I felt that he was just so out-of-character. And obviously the characters that feature prominently in both books are quite different in both of them, but they are still recognizable as themselves which was not the case with Louis imo. And granted, there is a pretty significant gap between me reading the first book and me reading this one so my memory is a little foggy about everything that happened in it, but Louis was just way too outwardly-lovey-dovey for someone who, when talking about their relationship to an unrelated third party 11 years ago, decades after they last saw each other, at best seemed to look back on all that with complicated resentment. Like I just dont buy it at all.

But again, I was reading all that with the assumption that this would (at least partially) turn our to be made-up, and yknow, it still might I guess, hope is the thing that dies last and all, but Im a lot less convinced of that because of the stuff with Akasha

And now its finally time to talk about my criticisms regarding the story and theyre all linked to Akasha and her cringefail husband and honestly Marius too. Im curious if this is a hot take or if this stuff is something that a lot of people dont like. Like, if youre immersed in the book fandom please tell me if this is a thing where you read that I have some criticisms of the story and you immediately knew it was gonna be this, or if youre surprised because the majority of people find the lore very interesting. But when youre telling me, please do so without spoiling me, Ive come this far knowing a very minimal amount about these books and I would very much like to keep it that way and finish all of these books until I start to fully engage with the fandom but I am very curious. Also, I am open to discuss all of this if any of you would like that, just please respect that fact that I dont know anything that happens in later books and that I would like to keep it that way

But anyway. Full disclosure, I already didnt like Marius when Lestat met him in person, I thought he was interesting as a component of Armand's backstory but I really didnt want him to still be alive and I didnt want Lestat to find him and speak to him and then he not only did both of those things, but he was like super buddy-buddy with him in a way that bothered me. And as if all of that wasnt enough, he goes on this lore dump that lasts like 9 chapters that is so fucking boring I dont even have the words to adequately describe just how bored and tired I was reading it. And the things that were revealed in this loredump were just weird and baffling in a distinctly bad way, and I feel like usually when you get stupid worldbuilding in books that are trying to Say Something its to enhance the themes of the plot, but I cant possibly imagine how any of this stuff with Akasha and her cringefail husband and the demons who possessed them does that

Like, the main thing that I find compelling about Anne Rice's vampires is their humanity and the fact that their moral and existential dilemmas are fundamentally the same as the ones that humans face because theyre essentially just more durable humans, and while this origin story doesnt change anything about that on a deeper level, it still really bothers me. Because humans dont have this clean epic symbolic origin story where we all came from two people that can easily be named, we just kinda evolved into existence for no grand, religious, immediately-obvious reason, but we ponder our own collective existence anyway, just like these vampires. Hell, plenty of us even think lf ourselves as monsters of destruction who shouldnt exist for the way we hurt our environment and other creatures. And like, Im not saying that they should be talking about evolution in the 1700s or that I explicitly want it said that vampires evolved alongside humans because that would just be stupid in a new way, but idk. I guess what Im trying to say is that I really didnt need an explanation for how these vampires came into existence because I was engaged enough with their philosophical discussions and fucked up relationship dynamics that it didnt even cross my mind to ask any questions about their collective origin.

And just on a basic level, none of this ancient vampire history-bullshit satisfied me in any way. Also, the whole descriptions of everything in ancient egypt and whatever-that-keltoi-place-was-called just felt kinda off, like they were lacking the authenticity of all the other descriptions, and its not because we didnt spend a whole novel exploring those places because we only got a very brief snipped of Armand's backstory and that part wasnt lacking at all. I was initially ready to chalk this up to a classic combination of orientalism and racism, but honestly, given that the parts about the super-pale blonde people werent that much better in this regard, I think its mostly a case of us just not knowing a lot about these ancient peoples. Like, I dont know a lot about 1700s France or 1800s America but when I read about those places in these books I do get the impression that Anne Rice knows a lot about those places or that she did a lot of a research on them, whereas with ancient egypt and the keltoi-place Im just kinda like "well, this is obviously just a bunch of madeup bullshit innit". And it really frustrates me that I cant really tell if its meant to be made-up bullshit in-universe or if its meant to be true, but I guess Im gonna have to get used to that feeling if I wanna keep having a fun time reading The Unreliable Narrator Chronicles books

Regardless of the actual bullshit-status of Marius' stories though, I was quite surprised and very disappointed that Lestat seemed to just believe it with no issues. Like, 1984!Lestat didnt add any commentary to Marius claims, he just repeated them verbatim bc why not, and 1700s!Lestat didnt have any questions or doubts that I can remember. And like, even if it is true, why was he just okay with that being the truth, I feel like he should at the very least be a little angry at the revelation that theres these oldass vampires who have to stay alive or else all the other vampires will die. Again, to kindof tie this back to my previous point, humans arent like that, we dont have some kind of anker-point that needs to stick around or else we'll all die, so this doesnt feel like its adding anything to the existentialist themes of the series. Its also logistically kinda stupid because we're told all of vampire kind is tied to both of them but like, how does that work? What if you only killed one of them) Are all the female vampires tied to Akasha and all the male ones to her cringefail husband, or are all the vampires that Akasha bit connected to her and then all the vampires that were bit by her vampires are connected to her through their makers as well and so on and so on? Iirc we're told that if you killed one of them, you would kill the other or they would just kill themself or something so it wouldnt really matter, but like, if you could just kill one of them without the other one ending up dead, what would happen?

And like, theres things about these vampires that dont really make any sense, like the fact that their fingernails look like glass or even bigger things like the fact that drinking dead blood is very harmful but drinking blood from other undead people has a healing effect, but those things dont put a huge damper on the series' themes so far so I dont care about them

But anyway, the thing that bothers me the most about all this is that Lestat didnt see or acknowledge the obvious similarities between what Marius was telling him and what Armand's coven used to believe. Like, what's the difference, really, between "vampires were created by the devil and are servants of the devil (aka demons)" and "vampirism was created by a demon and then given to two humans who them created other vampires"? I guess its the fact that Marius doesnt let his belief prevent him from enjoying life, but then it doesnt really feel like Lestat needed to talk to this guy, or like hes actually as open-minded as Marius said he was. Like, Marius basically told him "unlike most people, youre genuinely open-minded because youre listening to what I have to say about how to gain meaning in life" and Lestat, who basically already believed the same things as Marius when it came to that before they ever even met, said "yes i totally agree"

On a similar note, how fucking convinient that Lestat had this weird improbable idea about Osiris being a vampire god and then it basically turned out to be true. Like not literally, but the two people whose story directly inspired Osiris and Isis were both vampires and theyre like, the first vampires. what are the odds of that

Also Im pretty sure Marius said something along the lines "most people dont like what I tell them about the origin of vampires because they want a clean creation myth and thats not what happened" before he started talking about it, but then it was just a clean creation myth ? Like, in a previous paragraph I said that humans dont have an origin where everyone is descendet from two people, and as I was writing that I noticed that the story about Anasha and her cringeful husband is remarkably similar to that of Adam and Eve. or maybe not remarkably similar, but similar enough that I feel like Im not reaching when I say that

And of course this is a story with characters that are unreliable narrators on purpose so all of this might be 100% intentional and might pay off somehow at some point, but Im not really gonna know until I read the next one I guess and Im gonna have a hard time motivating myself to do that when the ending of this one was so bad (to me!!).

Idk, basically what Im hoping for right now is that this series will comtinue to deconstruct and retcon itself, both because that keeps me on my toes in a way thats fun (especially because Im going in completely blind) and because godddddd I really dont want to deal with any of the stuff involving Anasha, i think its all so stupid. I really hope that in the next book it turns out that atleast the stuff about all vampires' lives being tied to hers turns out not to be true and thats shes just gonna be a strong old vampire whos special because of her super strong psychic powers and because her blood makes other vampires strong (which is another concept I really dont jive with, the stuff with older vampires being strong and making strong vampires, but I dont really have much to say about it beyond that, so I'll just leave it at this). But honestly, Im really just hoping that in order to not disappoint myself too mucj, in my truest heart of hearts Im actually hoping that Lestat just decided to dip his toes into fiction writing 97% into his autobiography and then that Queen of Darkness is gonna be an in-uinverse fiction book written by Lestat de Lioncourt

But again, I probably wont feel like finding out for a little while, and as I think about it Im noticing that its mostly because Im not looking forward to having the same borderline-spiritual experience that I had with The Vampire Lestat, where I entered this monk-like state of mind and then walked through the city to the busstation feeling like I wasnt occupying the same reality as everyone else around me, with this book that I have a suspicion that I will not like it. And before you ask, yes, I know that I would have the same experience because it had basically nothing to do with the plot or themes of The Vampire Lestat, its just that my legs were hurting because I had been sitting on a wood chair with no pillow and continuously rocking back and forth because thats how I stim when Im sitting, and also my brain felt fried from how I forced myself to focus and read this book whose language is pretty challenging for a non-native speaker for 8 hours straight

Anyway, this ended up being way longer than anticipated but Im glad. Believe it or not, even though most of this post was just me complaining about one thing or another, I did like this book and I like that it made me think all this and that it made me feel passionate enough to write it all down, even though I do genuinely dislike the ending and am not really looking forward to reading the next one. But I definitely will do it at some point, so dont take this as a sign to tell me what happens in it, I maintain that I do not want to be spoiled. If one of my hopes ends up coming true and you want to encourage me to read it that way for some reason, please only do so in the vagues possible terms. like literally just tell me "ayyyyyy youre right 👍" without eleborating. And if you want to be evil, you can tell me that even though my predictions arent true and make my disappointment even more crushing that way ^^

Alright, thats it, I hope you enjoyed this. Also, I did end up managing to go to bed an hour after I originally started writing this, and then I ended up waking up again at like 4am and wrote some more and then I took a nap and wrote some more and then I took another nap, and it just kinda kept going like this and now its 3.30 pm so. you better appreciate that even if you think my takes are bad

[catboygirljoker]

*crashes through the ceiling* Hi, hello! 💜 I saw you have a KH OC and I love listening about people's OCs, so I have questions:

How did Lamia fall in love with Xigbar? How do their relationship look like? Do they live together and have any domestic life? What does Xigbar think of Lamia?

!!!!!!!!! ourghghghh thank you!! :o) !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am in the process of writing a novel-length fanfiction that answers all of these questions tee hee. i am clinging on to bitter hope that i will actually be able to write and finish it because i just. really love lamia and xigbar and i really love their relationship in my brain. like im way too verbose to pitch "xiglam" in a way that feels satisfying to me so i have to just write a 100k+ fic and gesture at that and say THAT. THEM. THEY

(though my lamiaposting tag has some art by me and my lovely partner that illustrates at least some of why i love them. smile.)

also oops i hyperfocused and made a xiglam moodboard (featuring art from my partner, depicting them multiple years into their mutual loving relationship). i just. smiling at them and kicking my feet.

long long answer under the cut tee hee

broadly they fall in love because they are both fucked up in ways that happen to mesh together really well. lamia is depressed, self-destructive, prickly, and isolated, and though he has friends who love him dearly (and who he loves dearly!) they try to get him to take care of himself by being like "you have people who care about you" "youre a person and that means you deserve to be happy" etc. and that just. doesnt compute for lamia. he has a million reasons why none of that works for him.

then along comes some fuckin weird old guy in a black coat, a pragmatic and cynical asshole who just laughs at lamia and goes "if you dont get some sleep or eat something soon youre going to straight up die. then what'll you do. idiot" and it works. it shortcuts all of the usual walls they have up against any well-meaning advice and enables them to actually take care of themself in basic ways.

on the flip side, lamia is the first person in a very long time who has sincerely surprised xigbar. xigbar believes that the universe is inherently cruel, indifferent, miserable, painful. and that friendship, hope, altruism, goodness, kindness, all of that, is a result of people either not understanding the true nature of the universe or willfully ignoring it. he clocks lamia immediately as someone who understands firsthand how miserable and painful the universe can be and that their self-destructiveness is a result of that trauma. and he thinks he understands them completely because of that.

however. despite the Horrors, despite being the Bearer of a Curse, despite his Tragic Backstory, despite despite despite—lamia still believes that there is goodness in the world worth fighting for. he may be in many ways pragmatic and cynical like xigbar is, but he also believes fundamentally in friendship. hope. altruism. all of it. that (and a few other Lore things) are deeply intriguing to xigbar.

it also really helps that lamia's into dilfs and xigbar's into blond twinks. and that lamia's pissy argumentative streak (a paper-thin veil for his genuine affection for the old man) is fun and endearing to xigbar. they complement each other in Themes ways but they also just have a dynamic i really like thinking about. :3

they wouldnt have an opportunity to even consider living together or having a domestic life until both of their personal arcs are resolved (they both have to Deal with their Pasts and having been abused/abandoned/neglected by their guardians). "post-canon" i imagine xigbar isnt really capable of settling down and having a "normal life." he lives with lamia but hes frequently gone without warning, wandered off somewhere, like a stray cat you can get to eat on your porch but can never get to come inside.

but theyre happy. they Heal. xigbar eventually moves into a replica once his current body starts failing on him. lamia gains a bunch of weight (positive) and goes on T. they get a cat or something. but they never get married (lamia doesnt see the point) and never have kids (these two should NOT be parents it would be a catastrophe)

[ambrossart]

I decided to write my own it fanfiction because of you!! ive read some of your and other critics about bowers gang stories and im trying my hardest to take those in consideration, but i also feel like im late lol the it fandom is almost non existent 😔😔 do you have any advice or tips?

First off, I love that you’re working on your own fic. That’s so awesome!

Second… gosh, I don’t even know if I’m qualified to be giving advice. My writing is so niche, and I feel like there are better people to ask about this kind of thing. I mean, there has to be, right? Or maybe the fandom is that dead. 😬 😂 I dunno, I’m kind of an outsider when it comes to the IT fandom. Apart from writing Paper Men, I don’t interact with it much… or at all, honestly. I’m like a kid playing alone in the sandbox. Sometimes other kids stop by, say hi, compliment my sandcastle, but for the most part I’m just entertaining myself.

So here’s my generic, cliched advice:

Write the fanfiction you wanna read.

Seriously, do whatever you want.

When I started Paper Men, I stopped caring about what everyone else is doing.

This is truly the best advice I can give you: do whatever you want.

Now, to get more Bowers gang specific (I'm assuming you're writing about the Bowers gang. If not, some of these still apply):

Accept these characters for what they are: 🗑️🗑️🗑️ and 🔥🗑️

You can't fix them. You can't change them. I don't care how special your character is. I don't care how "in love" these boys claim to be. These guys are horrible people and partners, and nothing is gonna change that. Nothing.

This is especially true for Henry and Patrick. Henry's way too damaged and Patrick can't magically grow a conscience, so embrace that or stay the hell away from them.

With Belch and Vic, you have a lot more flexibility, especially if you’re going the romance route.

That doesn’t mean you can’t have Henry and Patrick in relationships. You just have to tread carefully and understand your limitations. The rules are different with those two.

Book!Patrick and movie!Patrick are separate characters, so if you wanna make Patrick a little softer, go with his movie portrayal. Since he had such little screentime, you can give him whatever personality you want.

Don't romanticize their violent/abusive/toxic behavior. Seriously, don't.

Avoid the New Kid trope at all costs. It's been done to death at this point.

And no, the Bowers gang won’t be nice to the new kid. Ever.

At best, they’re just gonna ignore them.

Odds are your character isn't going to be close friends with both the Losers club and the Bowers gang. These groups are natural enemies and, more importantly (and especially if you're following the movie canon), they're in completely different age groups. The Bowers gang are all 15-16 and the Losers are 12-13. These groups rarely mix.

If you’re gonna have all the canon characters be drawn to your character, you better give her/him/them one helluva magnetic personality. Otherwise, it’ll seem forced.

Don't have invisible parents. Yes, I realize Derry is full of abusive/neglectful parents, but I feel like many writers go this route simply because it's more convenient. No parents means no rules. But it also isn't very realistic.

Please, please, please, don't ignore Belch and Vic, especially Belch.

Better yet, write about Belch! Nobody ever does 🥺

If you haven't already, read the book.

Sorry, it's hard to give advice without knowing more about your story. I don't know if you're writing a romance or not. I don't know what characters you're focusing on. I don’t know if you’re creating an original character. So if you want more specific advice, you can always DM me or shoot me another Ask. My inbox is always open. 😊

[starsandgutters]

Hi so sorry if this is a weird ask but basically im a trans guy and dysphoria really gets me but uve actually really helped me with all your fics because the way u describe aaron in them is like really similar to how i am and i dont like how i look but then Kevin talks about him and he loves him so much and Idk if this is weird but it makes me feel a lot better just about everything So thank youf or that i love your writing

You are not weird for this at all, and I’m really happy you feel this way 🫶🏻 I know some people don’t click with the body diversity I write in my AFTG fics because they have an image of what college athletes look like - which, fair, they’re on really intensive training schedules. I get it, but you can also be really fit and train a lot and still hold weight, especially if you’re fueling properly (with that age group especially REDS is so common! Because there’s this concept that skinnier = lighter = faster, which is not true if your body doesn’t have the right fuel to function, and there’s been a lot of abuse from coaches pushing rhetorics like this, which Wymack would NOT), and also due to biological factors that will impact body shape regardless of other factors!

Personally, I think Nicky & the twins are less devoted to exy than a lot of the others in terms of their general lifestyle. We see them eat junk food. They go out drinking every weekend! It makes sense to me that they’d carry a bit of extra weight from that, especially since the twins probably had inconsistent diets when they were younger due to neglect.

Aaron especially when he drops off his exy schedule and gets buried in the stress of med school and residency I can see getting a little softer when he ages, and there’s something so reassuring to Kevin about that. That Aaron is something he fears for himself, but Kevin still finds him attractive and worthwhile.

Idk I’m just tired of always hearing about how SLIM and LITHE and TONED people are in mainstream media. Like yeah no hate to those body types, Kevin Day’s slutty waist and abs are very hot 🙏🏻 but so are Aaron’s tummy pouch and thick thighs (thick leg supremacy, honestly 🙏🏻) (but also tired of only seeing plus sized bodies fetishised, so even though I will write Kevin’s attraction to certain parts of Aaron, it’s also in connection with him as a person)

I get that it might not make you love how you look. There’s so many layers and outside influences and nuances in how we feel about ourselves, but I truly believe positive representation of body diversity really softens some of those voices, because if you can really appreciate something (or at least see it represented positively by someone else) on someone else, then it’s kind of like… ok even if I don’t like this on myself, what’s the point of hating it if I can see it positively on someone else. At least it gives a more neutral ground to stand on than the constant body image standards pushed by companies who want profit on insecurity.

I’m tired and this has gotten a bit rambly haha All this to say I’m very glad if my work has ever made you or anyone else feel better about themselves. That’s why I always try to put body diversity in them and it’s the nicest thing ever to hear my work has resonated with someone in any way 🥹🕺🏻💖✨

[doctoratecuddles]

recently ive been watching true crime cases, specifically medical ones and holy shit is it tragic. from negligences and malpractices which can completely change or seal a person's life, its honestly one of the most horrific things I've seen, especially considering how so many people are completely dependent on doctors to save their lives, but they cannot be sure whether or not to fully trust them. and all of this is just making me think of sparklecare and its frankly pathetic state.

i apologize for sounding morbid, but i wish barrys condition slowly became worse and worse after the negligence he suffered at the very start of the comic, and the surgery scene was the very last straw and he died. that would show how intense these malpractice cases really are.

and how about patients who believe they are in an institution which will actually help them, but as time passes they realised they're slowly being killed? patients who died and their families now have to live in grief, settling in with their loss?

this is probably one of the reasons i like the volume where the patients escape briefly so much; no matter how much they yell and scream to be heard, the public will always show deaf ears since the media is being paid to show this facade. it's such a heart-breaking and grieving moment, but i love it since it's true. it reminds me of rhe case of that one surgeon who installed plastic tubes on people saying they helped improve a rly serious condition, and the media praised him for he hid the truth, the plethora of dying and suffering people behind the scenes; but a few years later he finally got payback.

and how about hospitals' transphobia? this is more so of personal headcanons but i wish we had more characters who were trans but had internalized transphobia, like doom or cuddles, who neglected trans patients looking for healthcare.

smth I appreciate abt cometcare is how it shows how the past affected the patients' current lives. thats something ill give kudos for tbh

i just feel like sparklecare can be used to project a really powerful, dark, yet truthful message, the evils of the medical industry, which people often ignore or don't see it actually happening. and if i may add i hate how kittycorn changed the purpose of the fucking comic to rather than being a (failed) social commentary to coping/comfort comic because she was getting criticism. fuck off

anyways sorry for rambling its 2:42AM i stood up the whole night binging true crime im tired - 🐌🌴

Here's another ask where I don't even need to add anything because it's phrased so freakishly well. Snailnon I fear your writing skills and I will read any books you happen to publish in the future.

[seeingivy]

bsfs older brother sukuna asks!

so real. I was litearlly a sukuna hater till I wrote that oneshot on a whim and then accidentally wrote 22 chapters after it. also I refuse to acknowledge that my sukuna is canon sukuna sorry they just look the same they're different people me and my ooc sukuna till I die

AHHHHHHH IM SO SO HAPPY YOU LIKED ITTT!!! I was so nervous to give it a good ending but I had to pull out a bridgerton level monologue for bridgerton fan sukuna here to give miss girl NATURALLY

wait, actually this makes me feel so so many types of ways that I can't even put it into words.

this is really silly, but I reflect a lot on my writing and what got me to write (and just generally feel like i'm someone who is so stuck in my own head and the past sometimes that it's kind of debilitating) ...

anyways, long story short, I literally started writing fanfic (not intentionally at first as an outlet) but it definitely became that over time as I let out so many things that were on my chest. so many of the things that i've written in my fics, but this one especially, are literally taken straight from my head - almost every single one of them.

that being said, I do believe the very first thing you said very deeply despite it all and it makes me so happy that it's something that reflects in my writing and makes other people feel it too. like very genuinely, i've tried very hard to hold on to whatever hope and good I can find and if this fic has even been a shred of that for someone, it literally makes my entire life!

thank you for telling me my writing feels like home to you 😭 it's literally my sweet little escape in my head that i'm always in control of and making just as I like and it makes me happy that other people feel happy here too IDK

SO REAL. literally like tears they're SOOOOOO romance coded like actually this fic might be one of the most romantic things i've ever written. also literally same I feel like both of my children went away to college.

also so true. dream girl I am sorry for neglecting u, u next

don't say this to me ill literally start writing for toji

this is so funny bc I think I literally got this ask while I was editing the last chapter to be written. it literally makes me giggle but anon I hope it delivered! (I sure hope it did idk what else I could have written)

[subskz]

not me actually full on sobbing at 1am… you’ve done it again 😭

this chapter was so beautiful, and so heart wrenching. i know things are supposed to get worse before they get better, but holy shit i wasn’t expecting it to hurt so much 💔🔨 like i started crying the second chan asked “are you mad?” and did not stop.

i’m glad reader finally got a chance to speak to iseul, one of the notes i made while reading was that i didn’t like her so i’m glad to see there was some opening up on that front.

and bestie changbin 😭💔🔨 inviting reader to go bowling, asking about the situation with minho, the return of the cinnamoroll pencil 🥰 god i love changbin 😪

speaking of minho, the fact that chan knew on a surface level that something was going on… he’s so chan for that. god i love him, i want to see him get better for himself. both in the story and irl. he’s so amazing and talented and beautiful and smart and funny 😭😭 i can go on about how much i love him.

you’ve just once again written something so incredible and amazing. the way you write the characters is so believable, and the stories you tell are always so interesting. thank you for working so hard on this 💖 -🐾

sobbing…..oh no ㅠㅠㅠ i’m very sorry for the torment these lovesick fools have caused haha i know this part was a bit rough to get through so i hope it was still enjoyable in some ways! but it’s exactly as u said, it’s always darkest before the dawn!! things can only go up from here~

the fact that u got emotional before that scene even fully spiraled out of control really touches my heart for some reason, it’s like you could sense exactly where things were going ㅠ it was a challenge to write for many reasons, but most of all having to depict channie so hurt n confused abt what he did wrong…he can’t even understand why neglecting himself would ever be a problem

i 100% understand why you don’t like iseul LOL she’s definitely meant to be abrasive and self absorbed…she has a lot of maturing to do, but the reader also needs to grow! though their friendship needs work im happy u found that snippet to be a step in the right direction <3 and our bestie binnie!!! where would we be without him and without CINNAMOROLL…the true stars of the show

i’m also happy you found that to be a channie detail…he really is so smart and emotionally intelligent and perceptive of every little thing even if he doesn’t always let it show, it’s incredible. both in the story and irl…now ur gonna get me emotional 😞 he’s such a beautiful shining light in this world it’s easy to worry that w how much he brightens things for others that he might be left in the darkness. but knowing how dear skz are to him i hope that the boys n all his other loved ones can provide that same light for him!

thank you so much for your sweet words, you’ve really uplifted me so much throughout this series it means the world to me! i appreciate you not only taking the time to read everything, but to also share ur thoughts on each part, it’s truly so kind and thoughtful of you ♡ i hope the (real) final part will wrap things up to your liking!!

[honeymouthedtales]

This chapter has answered all of my questions and theories that i have silently kept to myself to analyze them all by my lonesome. Ever since the Islands Arc started, my heart had been rooting for DS; seeing her disrespected and underestimated by her people, her family, makes me really sad. I feel like DH, and now their mother, were the only ones who truly believed in her. It makes me agitated no one thinks DS going to marry a foreigner, leaving her home to live in an enemy country, (cont.)

(cont.) bearing said enemy’s child is just as important, tiring and draining as DH being king. And now that she’s heir, people only care about missing DH and how he’s being treated… WTF!!! I’m so glad you brought to light about MK’s situation with being passed the crown from his brother, just like DS right now. I’ve always wondered how that played out; how MK and his brother felt and reacted to the new development, how their relationship was like. With MK and DS being in the same boat, (cont.)

(cont.) I feel like MK could really help her out and share how he’s handled it. MK-DS besties is so heartwarming! its like MK can finally see who DS is NOW than he did during their 15 years of engagement, they were too busy trying to play the perfect husband/wife to really build a true friendship, I could imagine. But DS has perseverance and resilience, to be able to withstand her role as a wife, no one would do what she could (MK said so). I can also imagine that DS training to be a (cont.)

(cont.) prince's wife had been different to training to be the wife of a future king. How did everyone back then feel that DS was going to be queen of the Vale? Her education could have changed to prep her for being a queen, but im guessing a wife in the Islands is different than a wife in the Vale. I could see how everyone looked down on her for trying to be a lady of the Vale and not a lady of the Shar. I’m secretly yearning for a DS side story, she deserves all the love and support!! (cont.)

(cont.) I’m so sorry about my rant, this was a lot I know! i hav a word limit to my ask. But I really needed to get this out of my chest now that ch 58 has satisfied all my theories! You have stated multiple times that you don’t plan ahead, you write as you go in the moment and I didn’t want to say anything for fear of changing your work process. But everything is good now!!! Keep up the good work! Stay healthy and happy!

Joining all your asks into one for clarity.

Yeah, one of the reasons I'm really happy to have written this arc is that for so long people have worked on assumptions greatly shaped by our main characters, Mark who knows very little about the Islands and has only been with Dongsoon a few weeks every year, and Donghyuck who is fiercely loyal to his country and misses it terribly and so is bound to have very good feelings about it.

Many people were surprised to see Dongsoon being neglected because they had come to imagine the Islands being a beautiful place, more fair and equal compared to the Vale. It's only partly true. While the Islands are more willing to challenge some outdated views, they're not a perfectly place and they're affected by period-typical prejudices.

I didn't always have in mind to make Dongsoon's experience being so hard in the Islands, but as soon as the arc started and Yangyang appeared I realized that it only made sense for him to disrespect her because he's used to her just being Donghyuck's sister and not the crown princess. And if he does it, then maybe other people are doing it. Dongsoon was raised to be someone who blended into the situation, doing her thing without being seen because that was seen as a virtue. She was also not trained with weapons (even though some girls are trained) nor in trade, because as the queen of the Vale she wouldn't be able to keep up with that kind of education. She was, however, trained to be a skilled diplomat, and she did study together with Donghyuck and they're both equally smart and not competitive with each other so her education as a princess is not lacking. But she never had to prove that she was fit to rule the way Donghyuck did, nor she gained anyone's respect by bonding with important people or participating in campaigns, or training with the troops.

That's why I really wanted her and Mark to have this moment, because Mark is seeing her as a fellow heir right now, and he's seeing her struggling with the same problems he had in the past, and as someone whose abilities have been doubted by his father again and again, and had to prove himself to everyone, he is in a place of understanding from where he can help her by sharing his experience.

Also, when I started writing this fic some characters were barely fleshed out. Dongsoon appeared so little in this fic in the beginning, and always in moments filled with tension, as a background to Mark and Donghyuck's troubled relationship (i.e. Mark's kiss with her is seen as a negative thing that threatens their relationship, and generally when we think of her spending time with Mark we imagine how must Donghyuck suffered because of it). The few times she appeared as a positive character were in Donghyuck's interludes, but I was really aching to show that Mark and Dongsoon had a good relationship and could even have a better one now.

I also really really wanted to avoid the 'Donghyuck is jealous of his sister route' because it never existed in my p.lans. He loves her dearly, he trusts her dearly, and it could've been easy to hate her for taking Mark when Donghyuck wanted him, but he simply didn't because he loves her. They have a lot of respect for each other, they trust each other, they love each other, and being apart was hard for both of them, especially after having this special bond.

And also it might not be immediate to understand, but the fact that they complete each other so well is one of the reasons no one realized they were Alpha and Omega, because they covered for each other's character flaws and always balanced each other out. Dongsoon always covered for Donghyuck when he got in trouble and went to save him like a good Alpha, but people thought she was an Omega wanting to comfort her Alpha brother. At the same time, Donghyuck was constantly acting out because he needed the attention, and people thought it was a sign of him being an Alpha dragging his sister along in his adventures, but it was actually Dongsoon who stopped him when he was going too far and he always listened to her and trusted her judgment. They are two sides of the same coin in the end.

So this - having Mark getting along with her - is going to make all of them happy, because Donghyuck has the most important Alphas in his life on his side, and both Mark and Dongsoon gain an Alpha friend (especially for Dongsoon, who has no experience being an Alpha, Mark's help will be invaluable) and an ally in stopping Donghyuck from doing something crazy. I'm so glad I had the chance to write about their relationship because I really like it.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

TRUE the crow dedication is so real….like bro really took his last name literally LOL

PLATONIC RELATIONSHIPS>>> idk I just love exploring the different avenues and depths of friendship esp since I myself don’t like forcing romance upon anything rlly….also like some dynamics remind me of how I’d act with some close friends too like I’ve just never seen the need to ship or anything when you can have a perfectly developed and interesting relationship without having to be in love with someone yk I feel like it almost makes the dynamic and friendship even more meaningful sometimes

The second selection trio is GOLD I Lowk loved that trio and how they meshed together despite being such different ppl?? I also LOVED that arc for the Barou development bc omg someone who learns from their defeats and makes a better version of themself that’s actually so cool….

Otoya’s fit is SO on brand LMAO I feel like yukis has too many layers almost like just looking at it makes me sweat HAHA

Im ngl I feel like something looks a teensy bit off in that one colored art…maybe it’s because it’s fully buttoned or something? But I LOVE THE TURTLENECK TRENCHCOAT COMBO it’s like my fav outfit style ever and he looks SOOO GOOD IN THE MANGA!!! Ugh the turtleneck >>>> I have a friend who hates the turtleneck long coat combo and I’m like….bro…..where’s ur taste…. But fr I something about the clean mature looking style also just fits him so well too!!!

AOT LMAOOO what’s even funnier is (idk exact how accurate this is) but I heard rin was possibly inspired by two characters?? Eren and I forgot her name starts with an M I think….but apparently one of the authors was an assistant for aot I think so definitely fitting LOLLL

Ok and honestly the Hiori duality is also so fitting?? Like we see in the novel he’s a pretty open/relaxed chill little boy outside of his household and when he opens up to Karasu and the team but then BAM switch flips once he enters his home and I feel like the diff between white butterfly and fwtkac matches that so well…..I love a little angst sprinkled in sometimes too that kinda duality is just so good, just goes to show the depths a character can have!! I love it!!!

Trust me I will be EATING UP those hiori works too honestly being fed so well by all of your writing lately I’m so excited to read everything <333

The light novels are SO. FUNNY. cursed Nagi was actually hilarious and I remember first reading the Hiori one and the whole stalking thing was peak comedy like wdym you’re a 6 foot man trying to hide your near fluorescent blue hair under a baseball cap….I’ll never forget the line that’s like “he’s only ever done soccer his entire life…it’s only natural that he doesn’t know proper social etiquette” LMAOAOOO

I think recently my favs finally settled the was like swapping between Chigiri Nagi Rin and Karasu for a good while a couple months ago….i feel like new ppl don’t really ever my top five as much it’s just a matter of the ranking amongst them LOL

Also I love Otoya but I also LOVE Otoya slander HAHA I love making fun of him so bully him all you like LMAOOO

Nagi fr is just like a big koala bear….i remember being so shocked by his height at first but it honestly adds more to his charm LOL and definitely!! The parental neglect is kinda real for him too like…ppl take his “breakup” with Reo and run with it like are we reading the same thing….. the dark haired hot trope is too real like people just toss rin into that category throw in some Emo and call it a day like….i think especially the moment after the u20 match where rin looks at sae thinking he’ll be praised by him just kinda shows he’s just an emotional stunted boy with brother trauma like…..man…you’re so right about the fanon Rin being like aiku or Karasu though i do see a lot of like…smooth talker rin on here…..

TREADMILL yesss get those steps!! Chronically online gang rise tho LOLL but hey at least you’re being productive and active while online!!

-Karasu anon

he was assigned crow at birth and knew what he had to do from there 🫡 i’ve always wondered what his older sister looks like (apparently he had one according to the official egoist bible) i bet she’s sooo pretty but like. does she also do her hair in some weird vaguely-crow inspired way?? or does she think her little brother is a freak?? what abt the rest of his family?? LMAOAO questions we may never know the answers to…

even when writing romance i’ve noticed i’ll have one or two Kiss Scenes but for the most part i prefer showing love in other ways!! smth that’s always stuck with me is that if your characters need to kiss to prove to your readers that they’re in love, you didn’t do a good enough job writing their relationship. so personally even in my longest and most devastating love stories i hardly write Actual Romance!! i think the reason i don’t like shipping personally (again, full respect to anyone who does 💖) is because making the love between two characters explicit instead of implied often (to me) ruins the actual depth between them.

second selection trio is so so good!! and i agree barou’s development esp in the match vs reo kuni and chigiri was delightful to see. tbh when i first watched bllk i thought barou was a “baddie of the week” character who would only be relevant in the match against team x and then disappear entirely, so i was really excited to see him come back AND with a new and improved design (first selection barou kinda haunts me tbh why does he look like that…)

ohhhh i was talking abt the manga only!! i haven’t seen the colored illustrations but i agree the coat is a bit odd in them. i imagined it to be tan when i read the manga which i think fits him better than the bright blue but oh well it’s karasu he can pull anything off. he looked so cute in it in the manga!! when he took it off and went with just the turtleneck too…it really did give me such a lowkey but mature and elegant vibe!! like future businessman right there mr “if i randomly got 100 million yen i’d invest in index funds” bro is trying to be reo so bad DHSKSJSJ (speaking of which i do not fw reo’s fits he needs to hire a better personal stylist because some of those choices he makes are certainly. choices.)

HAHA yes i’ve seen that rin is supposed to be a blend of eren and mikasa!! i can def see it. i was heavily into aot back in 2021 though not much anymore actually which is why i immediately clocked the comparison!!

i know the karasu series is pretty fluffy and funny but i am actually first and foremost an angst lover!! i love writing absolutely heartbreaking stories they’re my favorite thing in the world. bllk is making me lose my edge though 😔 i need to get back to writing angst again…i think maybe i’m surprised by people being sad abt white butterfly because when i imagine angst it’s like death and inevitable ruin HAHAHHA but anyways i agree hiori def is a very layered character!! i’m excited to write more of him as well

oh my god the light novels are so sillyyyy 😭 when karasu made up an entire tragic backstory for himself just to mess w hiori??? he is so problematic i can’t even lie and the way hiori 100% believed him too had me bawling

OTOYA SLANDER 4 LIFE he is just so so easy to make fun of!! spoiler alert it’s actually not y/n who hates on him the most…let’s just say that our dear best friend who wants a boyfriend has major major beef w him (he is completely unaware of this ofc)

everyone says they’re surprised that nagi is so tall wdym!! he is sooo teddy bear i think him being huge makes sm sense!! he has such big fluffy lazy dog vibes too…yk the kind that thinks it can fit on your lap despite being the size of a small horse 😭 like THAT is nagi to me

i fear rin will never escape his fanon characterization 😔 but yes i think the teasing/sassy side that people give him is actually much more in line w karasu’s personality, and him being super smooth and flirty is way more aiku than anything!! rin has like one insult that he uses for everyone he is NOT a sarcasm god i’m afraid 😰 and according to the egoist bible he knows he’s unfriendly but thinks if people don’t like that abt him they shouldn’t interact with him!! in my mind the extent of his flirting would just be him going nonverbal and being like 🌎👄🌎 at you from across the room LSJDOWNDWJ hopefully you are a mind reader because otherwise you are never finding out he has a crush

YESSS unfortunately i do have to go to the gym quite frequently because alongside being chronically online i ride horses competitively and go to parties and whatnot so the body must be maintained 😔 HAHA it’s like a double life omg sometimes random guys will try to flirt w me when i’m out w my friends and in the back of my mind i’ll just be like “oh he has NO idea I write reader insert fanfiction on tumblr dot com” 😭 once i was at a party and i just took out my phone and started responding to comments on ao3 instead of dancing or talking because i thought the music sucked and it was way too loud 😓

[moibakadesu]

Same anon as before (make a nickname for me if you see it be), sorry to reply in your box and not in repost, im just nervous 😭

Honestly, I genuinely think some of Harukas behaviour stems from his neglectful mother and not just his autism. He very clearly shows skills that are typical for his age and some people act like he can't read or write at all. He's not stupid. He's delayed, mostly bc of a lack of a support system as a kid.

I believe that like many childhood neglect victims he's mentally trapped, where he has the capability of maturity but doesn't act that way in an effort to preserve his innocence, (also why I think he's lying a bit about his age).

Now, to my favourite thing to talk about, his bpd symptoms. I could go on but I'll mention the most prominent ones, aka his abandonment issues and his fp like relationship with Muu. I see so many fucking ppl calling him a yandere and shit and it's just annoying bc that term inherently demonises individuals w bpd as it's literally an ableist stereotype.

Alr sorry for rambling!! I doubt this is even coherent, all three topics are things I've went through/have btw

Okay bye bye :>

No worries "based Haruka anon", I do understand. And I absolutely agree, honestly Haruka's mother/his parents are the true culprits of his case in my eyes, because nothing of this would have happened if Haruka would have gotten the proper support and treatment that he needed. I think that is why my heart hurts for him so much, he really is a victim of his circumstances. Also so much agreed on the thing about people acting as if he is stupid ... that is another incredibly ableist thing. He needs a bit more time and help compared to a neurotypical person and that's about it. I'm also on the same boat when it comes to his age, I think for him it is a mix of actually having lost track (I highly doubt his birthdays got celebrated at home) and him just picking an age where you are usually not yet perceived as a full fledged adult. I can easily see him being 19 or maybe in his early twenties already. And I also thought about BPD Haruka before. I am always torn between DPD and BPD when it comes to him, because both could work for him well in the way he gets attached to people and acts to keep these connections intact. I myself don't have either of these, but I had multiple partners with BPD, so I'm not unfamiliar with it. I do have to say in my eyes his connection with Muu and her most likely NPD is still a match made in hell and I hope it will not go in t3, because it isn't good for either of them. Not to unbox too much personal trauma, but having gotten out of a codependency myself about half a year ago their case reallly hits a nerve, because I see a lot of things reflected in there.

[emberlynnrayne]

9-14-23

I've been neglecting my writing again. I know I'm going through a backslide with my mental wellness. Thinking back, I'm pretty sure it was triggered through a tough therapy session covering my triggers and some of my past trauma. That's on me, not leaning on my coping methods and letting it consume me again. I'm climbing out of it now, but also trying to survive a freaking kidney stone right now.

I'm doing my best, and it's not much right now. I'm really struggling to accept anything less than my best. I'm facing the reality that it's okay to be human because I AM human. Unfortunately. I do need to eat and sleep, I need to rest and take care of myself. I can't push through every miserable thing unphased.

My partner is such a safe space, and I'm so messed up because it's so hard to just have faith that it's real and true and okay. I hope they're okay with the time it'll take for me to settle in to safety. We talk so much about our needs and relationship and so many healthy things like that. It's hard to relax when I constantly feel there's another show about to drop at any point. But Im hopeful that with time, I'll be able to realize and feel comfortable with the fact that the danger is not coming from inside the house, and that my partner really is a partner. That I'm not alone and I don't have to face whatever foot falls alone.

This kidney stone has been helpful in that, honestly. Not only have they taken such good care of me, but they've not made me feel guilty, dumb, dramatic, burdenous, or anything.

I wish they didn't have to wade through all my old wounds to walk alongside me, but they've been so good and so patient.

I don't have faith in forever anymore, (or maybe yet?) but whatever happens, I'm so grateful for this time with my Crow.

[aro-with-bad-aim]

Anna karenina: review and final thoughts

tw: talk of suicide, talk of death

It has been many weeks, and I’m finally finished. As much as I loved the book, I’m so glad I’m finished. Anna karenina is a book I have wanted to read for years, ever since I read its reference in a series of unfortunate events. Im a massive fan of tragedy, and this book didn’t let me down. It was an emotional rollercoaster, I laughed, I cried, I questioned my thought processes and my life.

I have so much to say, so I’m gonna start with the few things I didn’t like. Firstly, the pacing was a little off for me. I understand and love how the mundane elements of life were used to juxtapose the chaos, but 5 pages on cutting grass is overkill. Also the mildly racist joke in part 8 wasn’t great. The rest of the book was so progressive, it was a let down. It’s probably just a “sign of the times” but it still wasn’t great. Also dolly deserved better, she should have left her husband.

Moving onto the positives, Im gonna start with the characters. It feels only appropriate to start with Anna. Anna’s character development was insane. She went from a mildly dissatisfied woman in a well off lifestyle to a suicidal, anxious and unstable woman. Reading her repeatedly talk herself in and out of suicide was an experience I can’t describe. It was one of the most emotionally impactful parts of the book, I genuinely cried. She was a character I could never hate. I don’t condone cheating, especially for the reasons she did it for, but she made it feel like it was ok. She made it feel like she was in the right, which she definitely wasn’t. She was such a loveable character and it worked so well for the story. She’s such an interesting tragic hero, an amazingly well written character and the perfect foil for levin. I could go on but I would be up all night writing about this.

Vronsky was one of my least favourite characters. Not because he was poorly written, he was an amazingly written character, but because of how he was portrayed through the eyes of Anna. He came off as easily bored of relationships, and neglectful. Whether this is accurate is debatable, but this is how he was portrayed as through Anna. Thinking about it now, his and Anna’s relationship kinda reminds me of Sydney and jedidahs relationship in camp here and there, but with an unhappy ending and a whole lot more unhealthy. Both Anna and Sydney were completely obsessed and devoted to their partners, to the point of destruction, while - for their own individual reasons- jedidiah and vronsky tried to distance themselves. (I actually can’t believe I just made that comparison). He was dehumanised through his reaction to Anna’s death, where his true feelings were shown.

Levin was a perfect foil for Anna, and the perfect symbol of reason. He was rational to a fault, leading to his often suicidal thoughts. He needed meaning and purpose, and he would unintentionally rationalise himself out of it. He was often arrogant and rude which made him mildly irritating, but was also one of the most relatable characters for me in the book. His relationship with kitty was also the perfect foil for Anna’s and vronskys. His second proposal with the chalk was cute, it was very unique and I loved it, despite my hate for the romance genre. I cannot express how much I love the ending and how levin found peace with himself. I love how it wasn’t within a specified religion, I love how it wasn’t an easy process, I love it so much. It’s perfect.

Finally, kitty. Kitty was my favourite character. From the very beginning I loved her character so much, she worked so well with all the bother characters and she was so well written. She had her insecure and arrogant moments, but she was a caring character throughout. She found herself in a similar way to levin at the beginning of the book, however it was within Christianity. I loved how she didn’t care whether levin beloved or not, she loved him regardless. She was also a perfect foil for Anna. While she did get jealous, she always resolved it in a healthier way to Anna. She loved her child, contrasting Anna’s distain for her daughter. Also I’m still convinced she had a crush on varenka. Her mum literally said “my daughter is in love with you” to varenka. I love how they stayed friends and in touch throughout the book as well. She was the only main character who didn’t want to kill herself as far as I can remember.

I loved how ahead of its time this book was, with many progressive ideas and characters. The way the themes were shown were amazing as well. It’s main themes of purpose, love and life/death were consistently portrayed in insightful ways and never felt rushed.

To conclude, I still stick by what I said when I began. This book is like a soap opera, if everyone wanted to kill themselves. I would fully recommend this book to anyone looking for a book with deeper meanings or any fans of classic lit. This book lived up to all my expectations and more. :)

[scribe-of-hael]

I don't who innthe writing studio decided to take a very heart felt moment in s1 and make it as hollow/hurtful as they possibly could. Idk if it was a writer idk if it was the producer idk if it was Has-fuck-bro. But I am just so utterly disappointed.

Every time without fail we have an opportunity for Starscream and the Cons to grow and have more development as character in frankly an interesting take on the lore (time like wise). We get a reboot of character, because anything new or even interesting is seen as to much.

Yes I focus in Starscream because it acutally looked like "are we going to address that Megatron has done bad things. Bad people can work to be better. But it doesn't undo what was done."

Hell i didn't even want Star and Megs to be friends. But get to the root of it all. To understand , "I hurt you. That was wrong. You don't have to forgive me, but I will work to be better than I was."

So many ppl I think attach to Starscream because part of us want to see him be MORE than just selfish.

Thrash saying "he's as selfish as he comes" the putting HIS LIFE on the line for Hastag , someone who was shown to be self preservation bot. What would he have gotten out of saving Hashtag? Nothing. He would have died and he knew it too.

To disregarding what he said to Hastag and even gleefully accepting he is now crueler than Megatron? No. This is shitty writing. You can not just recon this without even problem setting up why besides "tehe im evil now".

This whole set up to the Cons and Star being evil was "oh they WERE helping them...but Starscream did what he does!"

No. Because if he really was he wouldn't have even peacefully left with nova and sky. He wouldn't have come back to help the Terran. You have an exspeition explanation without even giving he motivation as to WHY ANY of them would do this.

That includes Soundwave and breakdown. Which why Soundwave wasn't the main antagonist idfk why ? Or why Breakdown after running and hiding since s1 woukd join the cons all of a sudden ? It makes no sense.

I won't even go into the wierd characterization of Dorothy going from a hard but soft army mom. Ti barley even being concerned or just acting helpless ??? She literally rode on Megs guns blazing to get her family. Now that he kids are missing she like 🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️🙇‍♀️ oh noooo what do we doooooo.

Alex acted more concerned than her and logical in this one. Idk why their characters were written so oddly. It went from being like a show I wouldn't really know what program was producing it to. Yep, this is is DEF a Nickelodeon show /neg.

Don't get me wrong some shows Nick have produced amaizng. RISE OF TMNT , avatar , and alot more. They can make good shows but alot of the good ones are taken in odd direction, face cancelation or get milked into oblivion...

This will be the first TF series to get i think only 2 seasons and it HURTS to see this happen because I genuinely loved the direction it was going. Bjt given the scenes that were deleted for time/"repeating" by their acct. I'm gusseing there was already trouble to even get this shit off the ground.

I think the rumors are probably true that a new show is already in the works. My gusse is it probably is going to co in line with TF one or possibly Reactivated to bring either hype to the movie or the game.

I know the artists and animators probably did their best. It just sucks that yet another tf show has been mishandled due to frankly Hasbro's neglect towards it.

Haven't watched episode 9 yet of ES but you bet your ass i am planning in rewriting a tiny bit of season 1 and redoing my own s2

I am so legit sad, I know its was like this due to poor management and writing and a whole new animation studio. Because Hasbrouck can't market their shit. At least TFA got 3 seasons but this shit hurts. I really wanted this to be the new TF model.

And ill be rewriting it with my ocs lmao

[bartsugsy]

anyway here’s my opinion on litetally everything. no one asked but i still answered bc i’m bored:

me and kate @snowbasttien rewatched wedding - present last weekend and had a great time, it was great, would encourage everyone to rewatch and bask in robron going on some insane emotional journeys and being in love - on rewatch we both agreed that the story felt pretty balanced to us, likely because we didn’t have to deal with the hiatuses in between, but i suppose that differs person to person

but it reminded me how much good potential the ellis/billy stuff has when it’s interweaved with robron and that’s exciting

i’m enjoying it sm rip

re yesterday’s ep:

robert has this big habit of trying to play god with the people around him in order to get his way. it’s not a good thing and there’s a reason why aaron would be pissed about it. they’re married, yes, but robert once again took the decision to act on something affecting aaron without talking to aaron first

although frankly he wasn’t even that mad and f r a n k l y it was 90% foreplay prove me wrong

aaron inviting ellis to move in on the cheap just to spite his husband (but in a sexy way)? iconic

foreplay at its finest

they boned about that later that night

aaron spent a solid 2 hours telling rob he might not ever get to touch his dick again

rob: :(

aaron, already pouncing on robert: fine ily

circling back to robert’s literal god complex

rmr when robert destroyed gordon’s letter and aaron was so upset, because rob made a decision for aaron that honestly was aaron’s to make. rob thought he was doing the right thing but mostly he was just taking aaron’s agency away.

which is exactly what he’s doing here. aaron is telling robert he’s fine and is going to work on finding a way to accept billy living in the village and even if that’s a fucking bold faced lie, it’s still not robert’s place to take aaron’s decision out of his hands

and again, i feel monumentally bad for robert, because aaron historically has had issues with not talking about his feelings - and this has almost always led to aaron doing something dangerously reckless, or making horrible choices. like, i too would be concerned and want to encourage him to open up more.

but maybe instead encouraging therapy would be a better way to go lmao

rather than just deciding to slap a “quick fix” on the problem (that relies on people acting the way you want them to) (oh robert) (a little puppet master boy) (he just loves aaron and wants to protect him :( my sons)

so anyways i feel bad for them both

and i don’t think aaron is quite as a ok as he keeps saying lmao

maybe he’ll be fine forever

maybe i’ll just write some fic about it

that i will never finish

maybe productivity will take over my body we don’t know

maybe aaron will flip and do something terrible who knows

also i mentioned this earlier but so rarely do i feel compelled to root for robert’s schemes to actually work bc it’s much funnier to watch him scramble around for increasingly insane solutions

but graham.... bleh

like i genuinely think if joe was here rather than replacement-joe i might at least enjoy the home farm scenes slightly more bc all i can think at the moment is

how much of a 180 graham’s character took as soon as joe left lmao

it’s so silly and inconsistent and i don’t care enough about graham to fix it with meta lol

robert is a moron but no one can say he’s not pretty fuckin tough to go up against when he wants to be

he used homophobia accusations to get off of a murder charge he’s a fuckin icon

graham doesn’t know him though so maybe he doesn’t really know this

idk i guess i support robert crushing graham to pieces, joe rolling over in his grave and graham being so embarrassed that he disappears forever

bye g-dog

it’s much more fun to watch robert go up against people i care about lmao

where’s lachlan

having said this, i would be down with watching things get worse for robert before ultimately getting better? depends on how long they wanna string this out for i guess?

i’ve just realised how long this post is but i have MORE THINGS TO SAY

i think people were talking yesterday about how aaron isn’t contributing to the surrogacy fund and bc i missed the discourse i didn’t get to put my opinion forward on that

which is that one might assume that if you’re discussing a big and costly life decision, the natural reaction a couple might have would be to sit down, make a little savings plan, talk finances etc

aaron got as far as “it’s expensive” and robert was immediately like FEAR NOT MY LOVE I AM GOING TO GET US MONEY VIA CRIME

to which aaron was like sigh this is the man i have married

yes it is aaron you knew this about him going in

rob was determined and aaron does trust robert, for whatever reason, so he’s letting rob do this shit (on the caveat that aaron gets veto power on the stunts robert wants to pull)

i don’t really think that aaron contributing via crime makes sense for the character - yes he’s a dodgy little shit but historically, aaron committing crime has always been tied to aaron having some sort of breakdown lmao. he’s done a lot of work to like... not do that lmao. he’s morally grey in a different (and lesser) way than robert and always has been since day one. i just... idk i suppose i don’t understand the need for him to be an entirely different character lmao. i like that he’s marginally objectively better as a person than robert - but still not quite good enough that he actively opposes robert doing crime things

it’s an interesting point of growth in their relationship since 2016 when aaron really was just

not ok with any of rob’s litany of insnae schemes lmao at any point lmao

which resulted in a lot of break ups lolol

now they’re so much more comfortable in their relationship and in each other and aksjskjdjdjd beautiful it’s beautiful

no one even tried 2 divorce the other 😭 2016 ROBRON ARE SHAKING

THEY COULD NEVER

but honestly i just don’t see where robert gave aaron space to contribute outside of doing crime which aaron isn’t running to do

thankfully

particularly given how boldly arrogant and poorly hidden robert and nicola’s plans were lmao

that shit isn’t aaron’s forte anyway is it

he’s more about

stealing things

except he gets caught doing that a lot lmao

maybe he shouldn’t crime

having said this i love that he’s getting involved this week now that things have gotten to a point of genuine crisis

that’s when i think it makes sense for him to join in

or like... minor things, reluctantly and out of love for robbo

not because he just enjoys fucking people over when he sees the opportunity to lmao

i’m into it

this post is so long and i’m not even sorry

i have more feelings but i’m gonna stop here

in conclusion the secret to a long relationship is inviting ur sister in law’s boyfriend to live next door and pay cheap rent just to make ur husband mad as sexy foreplay

tyfyt

[tarobytez]

disability in the Six Of Crows Duology; an analysis of Kaz Brekker, Wylan Van Eck, and the fandom’s treatment of them.

****Note: I originally wrote this for a tiktok series, which im still going to do, but i wanted to post here as well bc tumblr is major contributor to what im going to talk about

CW: ableism, filicide, abuse

In the Six of Crows duology, Leigh Bardugo delicately subverts and melds harmful disability tropes into her narrative, unpacking them in a way that I, as a disabled person, found immensely refreshing and…. just brilliant. 

But what did you all do with that? Well, you fucked it up. Instead of critically looking at the characters, y’all just chose to be ableist. 

For the next few videos paragraphs im going to unpack disability theory (largely the stuff surrounding media, for obvious reasons) and how it relates to Six Of Crows and the characterization of Kaz Brekker and Wylan Van Eck, then how, despite their brilliant writing, y’all completely overlooked the actual text and continuously revert them to ableist cariactures.

Disclaimer: 1. Shocker - i am disabled. I have also extensively researched disability theory and am very active in the disabled community. Basically, I know my shit. 2. im going to be mad in these videos this analysis. Because the way y’all have been acting has been going on for a long ass time and im fuckin sick of it. I don’t give a shit about non-disabled feelings, die mad

Firstly, I’m going to discuss Kaz, his play on the stereotypical “mean cripple” trope and how Bardugo subverts it, his cane, and disabled rage. Then, I am going to discuss Wylan, the “inspiration porn” stereotype, caregivers / parents, and the social model of disability. Finally, I will then explain the problems in the fandom from my perspective as a disabled person, largely when it comes to wylan, bc yall cant leave that boy tf alone.

Kaz Brekker

Think of a character who uses a cane (obviously not Kaz). Now, are they evil, dubiously moral, or just an asshole in general? Because nearly example I can think of is: whether it be Lots’O from Toy Story, Lucius Malfoy, or even Scrooge and Mr.Gold from Once Upon A Time all have canes (the last two even having their canes appear less and less as they become better people)

The mean/evil cripple trope is far more common than you would think. Villains with different bodies are confined to the role of “evil”. To quote TV Tropes, who I think did a brilliant job on explaining it “The first is rooted in eugenics-based ideas linking disability or other physical deformities with a "natural" predisposition towards madness, criminality, vice, etc. The Rule of Symbolism is often at work here, since a "crippled" body can be used to represent a "crippled" soul — and indeed, a disabled villain is usually put in contrast to a morally upright and physically "perfect" hero. Whether consciously on the part of the writer or not, this can reinforce cultural ideas of disability making a person inherently inferior or negative, much in the same way the Sissy Villain or Depraved Homosexual trope associate sexual and gender nonconformity with evil. ”

Our introduction to Kaz affirms this notion of him being bad or morally bankrupt, with “Kaz Brekker didn’t need a reason”, etc. This mythologized version of himself, the “bastard of the barrel” actively fed into this misconception. But, as we the audience are privy to his inner thoughts, know that he is just a teenager like every other Crow. He is complex, his disability isn’t this tragic backstory, he just fell off a roof. It’s not his main motivation, nor does he curse revenge for making him a cripple - it is just another part of who he is. 

His cane (though the shows version fills me with rage but-) is an extension of Kaz - he fights with it, but it has a purpose. Another common thing in media is for canes to be simply accessories, but while Kaz’ cane is fashionable, it has purpose.

The quote “There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken.” is so fucking powerful. Kaz does not want nor need a cure - its said in Crooked Kingdom that his leg could most likely be healed, but he chooses not to. Abled-bodied people tend to dismiss this thought as Kaz being stubborn but it shows a reality of acceptance of his disability that is just, so refreshing.

In chapter 22 of SOC, we see disabled rage done right - when he is called a cripple by the Fjerdan inmate, Kaz is pissed - the important detail being that he is pissed at the Fjerdan, at society for ableism, not blaming it on being disabled or wishing he could be normal. He takes action, dislocating the asshole’s shoulder and proving to him, and to a lesser extent, himself, that he is just as capable as anyone else, not in spite of, but because he is disabled. And that is the point of Kaz, harking back to the line that “there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken”. 

I cried on numerous occasions while reading the SOC duology, but the parts I highlighted in this section especially so. I, as many other disabled people do, have had a long and tumultuous relationship with our disability/es, and for many still struggle. But Kaz Brekker gave me an empowered disabled character who accepts themselves, and that means the world to me. 

Keeping that in mind, I hope you can understand why it hurts so much to disabled people when you either erase Kaz’s disability (whether through cosplay or fanfiction), or portray him as a “broken boy uwu”, especially implying that he would want a cure. That flies in the face of canon and is inherently fucking ableist. (if u think im mad wait until the next section)

Next, we have Wylan.  

Oh fucking boy. 

I love Wylan so fucking much, and y’all just do not seem to understand his character? Like at all? Since this is disability-centric, I’m not going to discuss how the intersection of his queerness also contributes to these issues, but trust me when I say it’s a contributing factor to what i'm going to say.

Wylan, motherfucking Van Eck. If you ableist pricks don’t take ur fucking hands off him right now im going to fight you. I see Wylan as a subversion another, and in my opinion more insidious stereotype pf disabled people - inspiration porn.

Cara Liebowitz in a 2015 article on the blog The Body Is Not An Apology explains in greater detail how inspiration porn is impactful in real life, but media is a major contributing factor to this reality. The technical definition is “the portrayal of people with disabilities as inspirational solely or in part on the basis of their disability” - but that does not cover it fully. 

Inspiration porn does lasting damage on the disabled community as it implies that disability is a negative that you need to “overcome” or “triumph” instead of something one can feel proud of. It exploits disabled people for the development of non-disabled people, and in media often the white male protagonist. Framing disability as inherently negative perpetuates ideals of eugenics and cures - see Autism $peaks’ “I Am Autism” ad. Inspiration porn is also incredibly patronizing as it implies that we cannot take care of ourselves, or do things like non-disabled people do. Because i stg some of you tend to think that we just sit around all day wishing we weren’t disabled. 

Another important theory ideal that is necessary when thinking about Wylan is the experience of feeling like a burden simply for needing help or accommodations. This is especially true when it comes to familial relationships, and internalized ableism.

The rhetoric that Wylan’s father drilled into his head, that he is “defective”, “a mistake”, and “needs to be corrected”, that he (Jan) was “cursed with a moron for a child” is a long held belief that disabled people hear relentlessly. And while many see Van Eck’s attempted murder of Wylan as “preposturous” and overall something that you would never think happens today - filicide (a parent murdering their child) is more common than you would like to believe. Without even mentioning the countless and often unreported deaths of disabled people due to lack of / insufficient / neglectful medical care, in a study on children who died from the result of household abuse, 40 of 42 of them (95%) were diagnosed with disabilities. Van Eck is not some caricature of ableist ideals - he is a real reflection on how many people and family members view disability. 

Circling back to how Wylan unpacks the inspiration porn trope - he is 3 dimensional, he is not only used to develop the other characters, he is just *chefs kiss* Leigh, imo, put so much love and care into the creation of Wylan and his story and character growth that is representative of a larger feeling in the disabled community. 

That being said, what you non-disabled motherfuckers have done to him.

The “haha Wylan can’t read” jokes aren’t and were not funny. Y’all literally boiled down everything Wylan is to him being dyslexic. And it’s like,,,, the only thing you can say about him. You ignore every other part of him other than his disability, and then mock him for it. There’s so much you can say about Wylan - simping for Jesper, being band kid and playing the fuckin flute, literally anything else. But no, you just chose to mock his disability, excellent fucking job!

Next up on “ableds stfu” - infantilization! y’all are so fucking condescending to Wylan, and treat him like a fucking toddler. And while partly it is due to his sexuality i think a larger portion is him being disabled. Its in the same vein of people who think that Wylan and Jesper are romantically one sided, and that Jesper only kind of liked Wylan, despite the canon evidence of him loving Wylan just as much. You all view him as a “smol bean”, who needs protecting, and care, when Wylan is the opposite of that. He is a fucking demolitions expert who suggested waking up sleeping men to kill them - what about that says “uwu”. You are treating Wylan as a burden to Jesper and the other Crows when he is an immensely valuable, fully autonomous disabled person - you all just view him as damaged. 

And before I get a comment saying that “uhhh Wylan isn’t real why do you care” while Wylan may not be real, how you all view him and treat him has real fucking impacts and informs how you treat people like me. If someone called me an “uwu baby boy” they’d get a fist square in the fucking jaw. Fiction informs how we perceive the world and y’all are making it super fucking clear how you see disabled people. 

Finally, I wanted to talk about how the social model of disability is portrayed through Wylan. For those who are unaware, the social model of disability contrasts the medical model, that views the disability itself as the problem, that needs to be cured, whereas the social model essentially boils down to creating an accommodating society, where disability acceptance and pride is the goal. And we see this with Wylan - he is able to manage his father’s estate, with Jesper’s assistance to help him read documents. And this is not out of pity or charity, but an act of love. It is not portrayed as this almighty act for Jesper to play saviour, just a given, which is incredibly important to show, especially for someone who has been abused by family for his disability like Wylan, that he is accepted. 

Yet, I still see people hold up Jesper on a pedestal for “putting up with” Wylan, as if loving a disabled person deserves a fucking pat on the back. It’s genuinely exhausting trying to engage with a work I love so much with a fandom that thinks so little of me and my community. It fucking shows. 

Overall, Leigh Bardugo as a disabled person wrote two incredibly meticulous and empowered disabled characters, and due to either lack of reading comprehension, ableism, or a quirky mix of both, the fandom has ignored canon and the experiences of disabled people for…. shits and giggles i guess. And yes, there are issues with the Grishaverse and disability representation - while I haven’t finished them yet so I do not have an opinion on it, people have been discussing issues in the KOS duology with ableist ideals. This mini series was no way indicative of the entire disabled experience, nor does it represent my entire view on the representation as a whole. These things need to be met critically in our community, and talked about with disabled voices at the forefront. For example, the limited perspective we get of Wylan and Kaz being both white men, does not account for a large portion of the disabled community and the intersection of multiple identities.

All-in-all, Critique media, but do not forget to also critique fandom spaces. Alternatively, just shut the fuck up :)

happy fucking disability pride month, ig