#(*oh my god lily why did you spend a month writing one one shot??*)

[lilyharvord]

ever since you mentioned coriane and ptolemus and wren’s son dating i’ve never been the same... IMAGINE THE ANGST, YEARNING AND THE SECRET DATING

Listen.... I had to ((: 

Me? Writing a fic about Coriane Barrow Calore and my Samos baby OC? Me finally putting my Post Broken Throne headcanons on paper?! And taking canon into my own hands? Not ME! WRONG BITCH?! I MADE A HEADER AND EVERYTHING which means I am too invested now 😭

           For the longest time Coriane had wondered why people always looked at her and Nik when they were together, and why as they got older people started to whisper. She couldn’t help that her mother had taken her to same park that Nik’s aunts took him when she was little. It wasn’t her fault that they had met one day and played a very intense game of tag before deciding to be friends. It wasn’t her fault that he happened to be in her classes through all the years she had been in school. It certainly wasn’t her fault that she lived on the path he always took when walking to and from school either.

           Those were all a bunch of coincidences! Which was why she hated when people used to make kissing noises when they were on the playground together. Nik was too nice to punch people, but Coriane learned early how to ball her hand into a fist and hit the soft part of someone’s stomach. She’d seen the mistress of the school plenty of times because of that and every time her mom or dad had to pull her out of school, she got the same lecture on the way home.

           Stop losing your temper. People will say nasty things your whole life. Learn to let those things roll off your back.

           Between her and her brother, Shade was better at that. But he wasn’t afraid to swing his fist either. He had a nastier right hook than her anyway. Florence Dephiam might disagree, but her nose had stuck itself so far into Coriane’s business and she had been tired of it being there.

            Now she understood why people whispered though. It started about a few years ago, when she and Nik went swimming in the icy creek behind the park. She had seen Nik without his shirt plenty of times when they were younger and they used to run around his backyard, when it was sweltering during the height of summer. But for some reason that day her stomach had fluttered, and her heart had pounded while she flushed. He’d teased her mercilessly about being afraid of getting a little cold. She’d showered him in a wave of water while jumping in to shut him up. At least, that’s what she told herself she did it for. Not to hide how flustered she was by that fluttering in her stomach.

           She kept that flutter to herself, shoved it deep, deep, deep down where sometimes she forgot it existed. But Nik always did something that pulled it back to the surface. Yesterday, he’d grabbed her arm to pull her out of the way of an obstacle during training. He’d grabbed her arm plenty of times growing up, and held her hand often enough that it shouldn’t have bothered her. But for some reason, her entire body had heated up to the point that she’d started to turn the rain on her skin to vapor. She really, really didn’t want to think about what that meant.

           That fluttering was going to ruin everything.

           Nik was her friend. Her best friend if she really thought about it. He was one of the only people outside of her immediate family to see her cry. Her knew her deepest, darkest fears. He knew all the details about her life. He could probably guess her breakfast down to how much milk she poured on her cereal.

           She would not let some stupid feelings ruin that.

           “Are you just going to keep glaring at my ceiling like it offends you?” Nik’s chest rose and fell under her head with his laugh. She’d brought the new record she got for her birthday to his house so he could listen to it with her. She liked listening to music in his room. His player was better than hers anyway. Or maybe it was the fact, that laying on his floor with him made the music sound better. Again, she shoved that thought down.

           “It’s ugly just like you.” She teased before letting her head roll to the side. He was looking up at the ceiling too, which meant she could see him swallow before he replied. She could hear and feel his heart beating as he breathed under her too. It sent a thrill through her that she was allowed this close to Nikolas Samos.

He wasn’t a very touchy-feely person. He said it was because most of his family wasn’t either. His mom and his aunt Elane were the warmest people in his family, but they could only hold him so much as a child. Coriane on the other hand was very used to expressing her feelings that way. From a young age, she learned the importance of hugs. Her grandma Ruth gives the best ones after all. She used to think they were magic when she was little.

           “Because you’re so much better looking Cori.” He lifted his head off the carpet to look at her. Those iron colored eyes were very nice in the lightning, Coriane thought to herself. Only to quickly shove that thought into the same box she kept the fluttering and any other thoughts of Nik that weren’t in regrades to his general well-being.  

           “Still better looking than you.” She huffed before facing the ceiling again and closing her eyes. Anything to avoid looking at him. How was she going to keep hanging out with him like this if she couldn’t even control her thoughts around him? She was bound to blurt something out at some point. Her family always said that she inherited her mom’s mouth. She knew it was true though. She was not afraid to say what she thought. It sometimes drove her mom insane though, and they used to butt heads more when she was younger because of it.

           She decided to focus on the music to avoid thinking about Nik. It was a newly recovered Old Era song. Her uncle Kilorn had gifted it to her this year. She didn’t tell anyone, but his gifts were her favorites. He always knew exactly what she liked.

           “We should walk and get dinner soon. It’s getting late.”

           “After the song.” Coriane murmured, letting herself get lulled by the cords and the feeling of Nik’s breathing. She had no problem with staying late at Nik’s house, even when it used to make her mom nervous that she spent so much time around Nik. As the years went by though, she stopped getting warnings before leaving, and instead started being told to mind her mouth and say thank you to his parents. And when Nik came over, her mom didn’t walk on egg shells around him. Maybe she was just used to his presence now. It probably helped that Nik took after his mom a little more than his dad. If it were the other way, Coriane knew her mom might have put her foot down about them being friends a long time ago.

“Did you think about what I told you… about Addie a few days ago?” Nik asked quietly, but Coriane heard it anyway. Addie was another girl in their year who had been flirting with Nik for weeks. He’d asked Cori what she thought about her a few days ago. Coriane had changed the subject very fast as soon as he asked.  

The thought of her long chocolate colored hair and pretty almond eyes sent a bolt of panic through Coriane. It was probably what Shade felt every time he channeled a bolt of electricity during training, something she would never really understand.

It was selfish, but she didn’t want Addie around Nik. It wasn’t that Addie was bad or anything. She was actually really nice. But if he started hanging out with her or… dating her, that meant Cori couldn’t do things like this anymore. She told herself that was the problem, instead of what really was chewing at her mind.

           “Why do you care what I think?”

           “Because you’re my friend, and I trust your judgement.”

           Coriane expelled a sigh through her nose before rolling to sit up. There was no avoiding this stupid conversation anymore. Besides, she didn’t know what she was so afraid of. If Nik started seeing Addie, maybe the fluttering would finally die, and she could stop feeling so weird around him.

She could feel Nik’s eyes on her as she fixed her shirt that had fallen off her shoulder. Better to take this slow and steady, even though ripping off the bandage might be easier. “She’s pretty, and she obviously likes you.”

           “But do you like her?”

           “Why does that matter Nik? It should just matter if you like her.”

           “I don’t.”

           Coriane glared at him over her shoulder, before shoving her fingers into her curls to push them out of her face. “Then why are you even bothering to ask me?”

           “I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure out what you’re thinking.”

           “You always know what I’m thinking.” Coriane argued back before getting up to pad across the room and turn the record off. It wasn’t an exaggeration. Nik knew her inside and out, just like she knew him in the same way. He was just being stupid. If he didn’t like Addie why was he bothering to ask about her?

           “Actually I don’t.” With a little flick of his hand, he moved the needle off the record. It was such a subtle move that it made Coriane’s hand pause mid-reach. Sometimes she forgot how powerful Nik was. And sometimes he forgot how powerful she was. They had learned the hard way about each other in that capacity while sparring. He may be a very strong Magnetron with the training and the pedigree to back it up, but she was something else. She was a mix of Silver and Ardent that had made her deadly from the moment she created her first little candle sized flame.

           The floor creaked as Nik propped himself on his elbows, and with a sigh he said, “I don’t like Addie because… I like someone else.”

           “You should tell her that before she gets more invested.” Coriane tried to ignore the bitter sting of jealousy that went through her. So not only was Addie a problem, there was another person. Great. Grimacing, at that thought and the burn in her cheeks, she tried to shove that feeling in the box and lock it. If tonight kept going like this, she was going to run out of space in there.

           She lifted the record off the player before dragging her backpack towards her to put it away. When she tried to pull the zipper though, it refused to budge.

“Stop Nik,” she grumbled as she pulled on it again, but it stayed in place. The metal began to heat up between her forefinger and thumb as the silence continued and the metal tab refused to move under her urging.

           “Usually you’re the one trying to get me to talk.” He teased, making her look over her shoulder at him with a frown. He quirked a brow at her expression before reaching up to scratch at his dark hair. With the lights dimmed in his room like this, he looked like one of the paintings her aunt made, complete with slightly blurred edges that made it seem like a dream. She was grateful for that blissful darkness though. It saved her from having to explain the blush in her cheeks.

           Now she wished she left the record playing. The silence was starting to make the whole thing worse. Looking back down at her hands she said, “I’m hungry. I get moody when I’m hungry.”

           “Don’t I know that.” Nik poked at her heel with his toes. Pushing his leg away with one hand, Coriane glowered at him.

           “I mean it, don’t make me beat your ass like I did yesterday.” She warned, but the threat lost most of its influence with her smile. Nik was the only one besides her brother and parents who could really pull her out of a bad mood. They knew all the ways to push that darkness back.

           “I was winning for almost the whole fight. You cheated.” Nik reasoned with a little shrug before releasing his hold on her zipper.

           Smirking at getting her way, Coriane pulled out the case and put her record away. It gave her something to think about other than the way the muscles underneath Nik’s thin shirt moved when he shrugged. Had he always looked like that? No definitely not. He’d only started putting on muscle a year or two ago. Or maybe it was three? He had always been thin as a pole from what she could remember. His mom always bemoaned that if he turned sideways and stuck his tongue out he could be a zipper. It used to make Coriane giggle.

           He certainly didn’t look like that anymore. Just like Coriane knew she didn’t look like the girl with a bow in her hair anymore. They stopped looking like kids a long time ago.

           “Have you—are you still talking to Xander?” Nik asked her back, his voice strangely quiet.

           “No. He wanted one thing and one thing only… plus his nose was crooked.” Coriane added the last part with a smile in Nik’s direction, hoping it would soothe the strange hurt he had just shown her. But his brow stayed furrowed, and his eyes remained dark. “My dad hated him anyways.” She added when the shadow that crossed his expression refused to leave.

           “Your dad hates every guy that talks to you.” She didn’t have to look at him to know he rolled his eyes.

           “He doesn’t hate you.” Coriane said with shrugged before pushing her backpack away and sitting to face Nik again. He looked down at his legs, his expression loosening a bit. It wasn’t much but it was something. The last thing she wanted was for her earlier mood to rub off on him.

           “I guess.” He murmured, obviously uncertain still.

           They were quiet for a long time. Coriane couldn’t remember the last time they were this uncomfortable around each other. Actually, it might have been after the really bad fight they had years ago. Nik had said something to her—she couldn’t remember what it was anymore—just that it had hurt more than anything. She had left his house immediately, telling him she hated him and didn’t want to see him ever again. When she got home, she stayed curled up with her head in mom’s lap for hours crying about it that night. They didn’t talk for a week after, and when he finally came around and apologized, they had a hard time figuring out their new boundaries.  

           Coriane glanced down at her hands, tracing the lines with her eyes to avoid looking up and breaking the silence. It would have to get broken eventually. That bitter thought from earlier reared its ugly head again, and Coriane squeezed her eyes shut in preparation before asking, “if you don’t like Addie, who do you like?”

           “It doesn’t matter. She doesn’t like me like that.”

           “How do you know?”

           Nik was quiet again, and Coriane opened her eyes to look at her hands again. In her eighteen years, she’s collected a couple little scares on her forehands. One or two from sparring, and a few from helping her dad in their garage. But they were easier to think about right now than Nik, and the little flare of hope in her chest that came with his confession.

           “Do you really not like Xander because his nose is crooked?”

           Well, if they were going down that road, she might as well just tell the truth. There was no point in hiding it from Nik anymore. “No, but… I like some other guy.”

           “Oh.” Nik’s exclamation floated into the darkness, a strange cord of hope to it that made Coriane glance up through her lashes. He was sitting up now too, his legs crossed under him while he watched her. They stared at each other like that for a moment before Nik scooted a little closer and their knees almost bumped. He kept a special inch of space between them to prevent that from happening though.

“Can I ask you something?” He was so close when he spoke, she could smell the shaving cream he started using a few weeks ago. It smelled like mint. She decided she liked it. Especially when it mixed with the perfume she wore. “Is it… weird that I think about you a lot?”

           “We’re friends Nik, I think about you too.” Coriane tried to keep her voice from going into the breathy octave that Clara called the flirty octave. She usually punctuated that title with a wink when Coriane balked at it. The last thing she wanted in this moment was for Nik to get the wrong idea. Or get any idea really. This was so confusing. She couldn’t decide if she wanted him to know what she was feeing or not. Admitting her feelings to him felt like covering her eyes and stepping off a cliff. It made her nauseous just thinking about it. But continuing to sit on them like a chicken would an egg made her hate herself. Which was the worse evil? She tossed back and forth between the two minds like a boat in a storm.

           “Can I put the record back on?” Nik asked quickly. His voice cracked halfway through though and made him pull back with wide eyes. The tension shattered like a glass bowl and Coriane blinked in surprise before laughing at the pure horror on his face. He joined in a moment later, rubbing the back of his neck and looking away from her while his dark skin flushed pale.

           She fished the record out and gave it to him, trying to stifle her laugh the whole time. His voice hadn’t cracked in a long time, but it had provided such a needed relief that she couldn’t help but be grateful for it.

Still blushing, Nik srambled to his feet to put it on, letting the music fill the silence of his room. When he sat down again, his knee brushed hers. Coriane’s entire focus zeroed to that point of contact, and her heart began to beat staccato in her chest. It was stupid. She and Nik had brushed knees all the time as kids. They had even made a game of trying to bruise the other’s when they were younger. Nik’s mom probably spent too much time healing aching knees when they were kids, but no one stopped them. Her own mother always grumbled about letting them pummel each other, that a little rough housing was good for them.

           “Does the guy know that you like him?”

           “I don’t think so.” Coriane watched his face for his reaction, but he gave nothing away with the slight tilt of his head. He was so close she could see the splash of charcoal grey in his irises.

           “Are you going to tell him?”

           “I don’t know. Are you going to tell whoever it is that you like?”

           “I want to.”

           “Why don’t you?” She forced herself to keep watching him, to try and put the observation skills her mom had taught her to use. Nik had always been such a closed book though. He was the only person she could never figure out. It had taken her forever to figure out all his little ticks, and even then, he always made new ones like his emotions were a code he was trying to keep safe.

           In the end, he ignored her question with a shrug. But as he rested his forearms on his knees, his fingers brushed her shin, and sent bolts of electricity up to her brain. Finally, she saw the skin between his brows crinkle as he tried to keep from making a face at whatever thought crossed his mind.

           “Do you remember a few weeks ago after training when you went over to get your ribs looked at?”

           “Yeah. You helped them cut my jacket off.”

           He blushed again, and his eyes darted down to his hands and his fingers curled into fists to avoid touching her. “I’ve… been thinking about that a lot.”

           Nothing had happened. It wasn’t even his fault that she had fallen. They had been racing to the top of the obstacle, her foot had gotten tangled in the netting, and she had lost her grip on the platform above her head trying to get loose. She’d fallen ten feet to the ground and landed on her back. The crack had one hundred percent been ribs, and while the trainer had rushed to her, Nik had been the first one down to check on her. He’d helped the trainer lift her to her feet and had practically carried her to the healer off to the side.

           A quick inspection had confirmed broken ribs, and rather than make the pain worse by taking her training jacket off normally, Nik had helped the healer by cutting it open at the back to give the woman access to her skin. She hadn’t been thinking about him at all though in that moment, just that her right side felt like it was on fire, and her lungs felt like they were filling with water.

           Thinking back on it now, she had felt his hands lingering on her lower back and side a little longer than was probably necessary. It could have been that he was just supporting her so that she didn’t have to hold her own weight while the healer snapped bones back into place and healed her torn lung. But they’re trailed off her skin as the healer shooed him out of her way. And he had coddled her a stupid amount afterward, taking her home and dropping her off and making her explain to her parents what happened and why she needed a new training jacket. It had just been Nik being Nik though. He may not be the most sentimental person, but when he cared about someone he was willing to step in front of a firing squad for them.

           “I keep thinking about you. And not just the ribs incident. Whenever you’re around, I can’t stop thinking about how your arms look when you pull your hair up before training, and how you always put your right boot on before your left even if that’s the stupidest superstition I’ve ever heard.” He inhaled sharply, and tilted his head back to look at the ceiling, his throat bobbing rapidly. “I keep thinking about how happy it makes me when you pick me first for things, and how you always smile while I talk about whatever I’m doing, even if I know you think it’s boring.”

           Coriane opened her mouth to speak, but he dropped his chin and grabbed her wrist to keep her quiet. “I’m always thinking about how you can pick up any instrument and play it like you’ve know how forever. And when I think about the guys who try to flirt with you, I hate them. I hate them so much I want to punch their teeth in so they stop talking to you.”

           “Nik,” Coriane tried not to pull her wrist away. This was a lot, too much to unload when she wasn’t expecting it.

           “I didn’t want to tell you because I didn’t want to make it awkward. I didn’t want to ruin this,” he gestured between them, his voice breaking as he shook his head.

           “Nikolas,” She insisted a little more forcefully. But he wasn’t listening. He kept shaking his head and rambling. This was infuriating. He wasn’t going to let her say a word, was he? That meant she was going to have to take a desperate measure, damn him.

           Grabbing his face, she pressed her lips against his. Her dad always did this when her mom wouldn’t stop talking. She’d seen him do it plenty of times to know it was effective. When she was little it used to gross her out, but as she got older, she realized it was a very reliable way to make someone she loved shut up. This kiss wasn’t exactly like that kiss though. That kiss always left her mom breathless and standing there dumbfound, no matter how many times it happened. This was a little more hesitant, a little more like a curiosity she was exploring.

It certainly wasn’t her first either, she’d had that kiss two years ago when her friend Willow had kissed her in the changing room before training. It had sent a thrill through her and she had kissed back before the two of them had pulled back in surprise at the other’s ferocity. Willow had moved to a smaller Montfort city a week later though, and taken that fling with her. They’d only kissed once, but it had confirmed a few things for Coriane. One, that she was perfectly happy kissing girls, the other being that she wanted to kiss everyone like that.

This kiss wasn’t like that one either though. While that one had sent a bolt of lightning coursing through her so that her hands were shaking, this one was like a slow burning fire in her chest. It started there and slowly began to spread to every one of her fingers and toes. She wondered if Nik could feel that heat, and knew what it meant.

It certainly shut him up though. When they pulled away from it, they stared at each other for a long second. During that eternal second Coriane registered that her heart was beating so hard it hurt, and her stomach was hanging out somewhere in her pelvis, and that it was a very weird feeling. When the silence got to be too long, and she felt a little uncomfortable staring into his eyes, she said, “You wouldn’t let me say that I’ve been feeling the same things.”

Nik didn’t say anything when he grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her close to smash his lips against hers again. She gasped a little at the feeling, only to slowly unfurl from her seated position. Crawling to close the distance between them, she draped one arm and then the other over his shoulders, letting her hands dangled behind his back and brush against the track of his spine. She wanted to dig her nails into his skin though, and press her fingers into the muscles of his back to feel how they moved when he did. It seemed a tad much in the moment though, so she settled for dragging her fingers up through the hair on the back of his head.

           Craning his neck to prolong the kiss, he grabbed her waist with both hands, and squeezed. She made a sound in the back of her throat that surprised even her. But her skin felt like it was on fire, and she couldn’t stop thinking about how embarrassing it would be if she burned him right now.

Her body had a mind of its own though, and she slipped one knee around his waist and then the other before trailing her fingers down to cup his jaw and keep his head tilted up. He tasted like mint, she hadn’t been expecting that. She wasn’t sure what she expected though. Maybe that he would taste like iron, or like every memory she had of him.

His fingers grabbed fistfuls of her shirt, untucking it from her pants as he shifted and rolled to the side to lower her onto his carpet. Crossing her ankles behind his hips in response, Coriane arched her back to keep the kiss from breaking. He pulled away to breathe though, and left her breathless as he did so.

They watched each other until Coriane realized that most of her hair was in her mouth and she was panting like she just ran five miles. Clearing her throat and reaching up with a shaking hand, she pushed the loose strands behind her shoulder. “I guess that clears that up.”

Nik laughed lightly, and that sound was probably the most wonderful thing Coriane had ever heard him make.

[ambitionzzzz]

Of Convenience

Chapter 1- Potions 

Warnings: Cursing

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Slughorn’s potions class was difficult to say the least. Sure you were at the top of nearly all your classes, but potions thoroughly kicked your ass. It’s possible you’d get the content if you’d show up on time. Like now- you ran through the long halls, trying to get to class before Slughorn locks the door. He was known for locking doors after the first 10 minutes of class, ‘If you can’t show up to class on time, you shouldn’t come at all.’ Your shoulder bag continued to hit your back as you ran, just turn one more corner and-

“Ah, Miss Y/n, thank you for gracing us with your presence,” He feigned a smile. “You are late… again,” He looked down at you from the doorway. “I have half a mind to close this door, if you can give me a reason why I shouldn’t, I’ll let you in and rip up this detention slip I have here,” He held up the parchment. 

“Professor, please, you have to understand- I have Charms before this class, and that’s on the other side of the school-”

“I know the layout of the school, Y/l/n. I asked for a reason, not an excuse.”

“Professor Slughorn-”

“You may come in, but you have detention this weekend-”

“I-”

“Would you like it to be the weekend after, too?”

You bit your tongue, “No.”

“Come in quickly and quietly.”

You said nothing and walked in, keeping your head low, knowing everyone was most likely looking at you. You looked up to find a seat to see that one of two spots were open- One next to Alaric, who was smirking at you, or Remus, one of the so called ‘Marauders’. You chose the latter, passing Alaric who just scoffed. “Is this seat taken?” The boy looked up at you, his eyes meeting yours. 

“Uh, no, you can take it.”

“Thank you,” You quickly sat down as Slughorn began the lesson for the day. He went to talk about the potion the class would be attempting. You had zoned out, overthinking the interaction you had had with Slughorn only a short while ago.

“Y/l/n,” Your head shot up, “Can you tell me what potion we are making today?” You swallowed, looking at the board behind him for help. 

“Draught of Peace…?”

“Correct,” He shuffled in front of the board, blocking the words written. “And can you possibly tell me, of the five ingredients needed for this potion, which of the five are not powdered?”

‘Fuck,’ Just as you were about to give up, you felt a tap on your elbow. You subtly looked down to see a slip of paper… ‘syrup of hellebore and valerian root’ was just barely legible. “Um, is it Valerian Root?”

“And?”

“And…” You looked at the paper once more, “Syrup of Hellebore,” He seemed satisfied with your answer and turned back to the board, announcing that the class would have to pick a partner to work with. Once he was done, he sat down at his desk and began writing Godric knows what. The rest of the class took this as a sign to get up and pick their partner. As you turned to Remus to thank him, Alaric walked up to you and demanded you be partners with him. “Thanks, but no thanks, Alaric.”

“Why?? You got a boyfriend or somethin’?”

“N-”

“Yes, actually,” Your eyes widened as you looked at the source of the voice.

“Are you joking?” Alaric scoffed, “Lupin is your boyfriend?” This got the attention of a few others, namely, the rest of the Marauders. 

You looked at Remus, smiled, and then looked back at Alaric. “Yes, actually. And I would appreciate it if you’d leave,” Alaric, clearly agitated, left stomping. You turned to Remus, lowering your voice enough so that only he could hear, “I owe you my life,” He laughed quietly. “Seriously, I do. With the seat-”

“It’s just a seat-”

“Then the ingredients, and now this? Genuinely, thank you, Remus.”

“It’s uh- It’s no problem,” The corner of his mouth raised into a half smile. You continued to stare at each other until a hand dropped on each of your shoulders, you both jumped at the sudden contact. 

“Moony,” James looked at him, “Were you not planning on telling us about your pretty girlfriend?” He looked at you and winked.

“Well-”

“That would be my fault-” You saved him. Peter and Sirius came over and began leaning on the table, listening in. “I asked if we could keep it between us, at least for a little while.”

“And why’s that, love?” James continued to look at you. 

“Oh, um, it’s kind of embarrassing…” They looked at you expectantly, “Rem’s actually my first relationship.”

“How long have you guys-”

“And that’s the end of class,” Slughorn announced. You never thought you’d be glad to hear Slughorn’s voice before now. “You should already have your partners, for tomorrow we will begin with the Draught of Peace.”

“We’ll leave you two be,” James looked at his friends and signaled for them to leave. Waiting until the class was near empty, Remus stood up, you followed. 

“I am so sorry-” 

“Don’t be, if anything I should be sorry. I just said it without thinking, I’m sorry, he was just acting like a complete git. That doesn’t excuse it but- your boyfriend is probably going to find out-”

“Remus-”

“I am so sorry-”

“Remus,” You stopped in the middle of the near empty hallway and he stopped too. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You- You don’t? I could’ve sworn...”

“In fact, you saved me today.”

“I told you it was nothing-”

“I know, but I’m referring to the whole, ‘boyfriend’, thing,” You began walking and he followed. “That kid, Alaric, has been harassing me since the beginning of the year. Maybe me having a ‘boyfriend’ will help get him off my back… Which, now that I think about it, I don’t know how I’m going to keep pretending you’re my boyfriend.”

“What do you mean? Also, what’s your next class?”

“Defense Against the Dark Arts.”

“Same here, I’ll walk you.”

“Thank you, and I mean like- We’re not actually dating.”

“...We could pretend…?... At least until that guy starts to leave you alone.”

You looked at him, “You’d do that?”

“I mean,” He avoided eye contact as he led you down the long corridors, “Would it be so bad? It’s not like I have anything better to do,” He smiled.

“But, do realize, we’d have to go on dates, albeit fake dates, but just to keep up appearances.”

“I know,” He nodded. “We’ll talk ‘bout it more later, yeah?” He walked into the class. You smiled and followed suit.

“We’ve been dating how long?” He continued to quizzed you as the two of you walked to the Great Hall for lunch. 

“Two months.”

“Good.”

“How did we meet?” You asked him. 

“You’re late everyday to potions,”

“Okay, calm down-”

“Because of your tardiness, I couldn’t help but take notice.”

“Ha ha, very funny.”

He laughed and asked another question, “Alright and how did I ask you out?”

“You didn’t. I asked you-”

“No-”

“Yes-”

“No-”

“Oh my god, our first argument.”

“C’mon, they’re waving us over,” He said nothing else but instead grabbed your hand and led you to the table. He sat down first, making room for you to sit as well. 

“So,” Sirius looked at you, “How’s the lovely couple doing today?”

“Doing alright, thank you,” You smiled and grabbed Remus’s hand under the table. You saw Remus look at you from the corner of your eye but you continued to talk to Sirius. “How are you?”

“Swell. Now, how long have you been dating?”

“About two months now? Right, Rem?”

He looked at you and you looked back, “Yeah,” He gave you a small smile. “We met back in September, in the beginning of the year, and by November we had already been together a month.”

“That’s pretty fast, don’t you think?” Sirius said staring into your eyes. 

“You would know, right? I mean, a different girl every few weeks? Don’t you think that’s pretty fast?”

“What are you implying?” You felt Remus squeeze your hand lightly.

“I think you know what I’m implying,” You held eye contact with Black.

He broke out an award winning smile, looking around and then settled on Remus, “I like her.”

“I’d say that went well,” You linked arms with your ‘boyfriend’ as you left the Great Hall. Everyone went their separate ways, James and Sirius to their shared class, Peter and Lily to theirs.

“Yeah, it did,” He walked you to your next class, which, coincidentally, was the same as his. “They’re probably going to grill me later though.”

“I mean, you remember the plan, right? If anything, make stuff up and just tell me as soon as you can.”

“And when’s our scheduled break-up?” He held open the door for you to walk through.

“Thank you. And it’s February 17th, if that’s okay with you?”

“Yeah, it’s no problem,” He nodded. “What an odd date, and only three days after Valentine’s Day.”

You laughed, taking a seat. Remus took the one next to you. “I know, but we need angst.”

“What for?” He took out his books and handed you a quill. 

“Thanks, here,” You handed him an extra ink pot, he thanked you as you continued. “The angst makes it more believable. Picture this, you spend Valentine’s day with your significant other, it’s one of the best days you’ve ever had- Only to decide a couple days later that you’ve grown apart. The love isn’t there anymore.”

“Wow,” He stared at the blackboard as the teacher began writing. “Did you just come up with that?” 

You just smiled in response. 

`

`

`

[thethrobbingmembers]

THE THROBBING MEMBERS REVIEW: The Queer, Unraveled Principles of Kit Webb at Twilight by Courtney Cat Stephanie Milan-Sebastian-Meyer

We forgot to post our last couple of reviews and it’s all started to blend together. Here’s the one sentence reviews we remember: 

All I remember about this book is the characters banging at the opera. -Sarah (Unraveled)

Damn, public sex is hot. -Lily (Unraveled)

I just need it to be known that Smite’s name was horrible. -Smurf (Unraveled)

You either die an Edward or live long enough to see yourself become a Bella. -Smurf (Twilight) 

Finally, the dumbass bisexual representation I deserve. -Lily (The Queer Principles of Kit Webb)

Stop trying to lube up his hole every time, just fuck his thighs once in awhile. -Catherine (The Queer Principles of Kit Webb)

Dream Cast

Percyandabella

Smitward

Unraveled Review

Technically, I may not have finished this book but I did read all but the ending and we’ve discussed that in detail so it’s chill. Plus I liked what I read just fine even though the guy was SUCH a drag. Like. I am used to men ruled by trauma in these books. They have terrible dads or something and now they are scared of intimacy and need to be cured by some girl’s vagina.

This one was different though! He had a terrible MOM and that is special. Also he has family that exists and loves him (even though that is just because they are the love interests and must be good because of that). That’s not enough to make him worth it though. It takes one (1) heartfelt speech about that time he got locked in flooding basement to really kill the mood when a girl’s just trying to get laid.

I can forgive him though because he knew how to fuck and they were hot together. Also her trauma was MUCH more fun and involved The Theater. we should’ve spent more time hearing about her gay actor family and less about the plot or whatever.

Anyway read this book! I had a good time! Even though this man is a part of a system of incarceration and doesn’t seem to care about the terrible prison he’s sending people to. But!!! Romance! I’m sure he’ll learn in between having lots and lots of heterosexual sex.

-Catherine 

6.8/10 stars

Twilight Review

LISTEN. I know I was supposed to write this like months ago. I know. It’s just that this book was so hard to read and I wanted to pretend I never read this book as an adult, and then I forgot. And then remembered and audibly groaned. Just oh my fucking god, the writing was so bad. I remember thinking it wasn’t the best written book, but dear god. I was not prepared. Why did Stephanie Meyer keep mentioning things so specifically? There was no need for this. Oh, it took three EMS, really Stephanie? Three?? Why was this included.

I am HAUNTED by the fact that Bella drives a truck from the 50′s.  Are we pretending this makes her poor? That fucker had to be worth so much money. I am obsessed with the weird class component of this book. Stephanie Myer is so obviously rich, oh my god. Truly, the rich mormon just jumped off the page.

Reading this book as a (queer) adult, makes it obvious that everyone in this book is in fact gay. I don’t make the rules, it’s just true.

ALSO!! The plot at the end where they pretend that her injuries were because she fell down the stairs and then throw the window? Why did everyone just accept this?? That’s a deeply alarming lie. That’s the I tripped and hit the door knob level of bad lies. Does Bella know what you don’t have to spend your life taking care of others? It’s not healthy, Bella. You do not have a single healthy relationship in your entire life. Not one. You are not your mother’s keeper and you dad can feed himself. He’s a grown ass adult. And also a cop.

-Lily 

4.5/10 stars

Kit Webb Review

My overall thoughts were mostly: I liked the main characters and the side characters. I thought the plot was pretty interesting but it kind of dragged. By the time, Percy got shot by his dad, I was like “We get it, he’s an asshole, we were ready for this confrontation 50 pages ago.” They were a very cute couple but they weren’t a super passionate couple. If you want to read something fluffy and sweet and curl up with a mug of hot chocolate, this is the book for you. When you’re having a soft moment and everything is sunshine and rainbows, you can read this vaguely scintillating book. There’s some crime here, but no major shenanigans. I kind of wanted them to be doing worse things. I wanted to question whether I should be rooting for these two people to get together, but they weren’t asshole-ish enough. They didn’t go the extra mile, and they passed up having sex in a lot of cool places. They tried to be sexy but they were mostly just sweet. You tried. Nothing was inherently wrong with this book, it just wasn’t problematic enough. 

-Smurf

7/10 stars

Additional Ratings

Sexy Sex (Average): 3.5/10 

This would be so much higher but prudish Twilight drags down the other two. 

Historical Accuracy (Average): 7.5/10

There WAS a fever in 1918. Good job, Twilight! We also enjoyed the amount of detail Cat Sebastian put into describing Percy’s gay little outfits. 

Mystery (Average): 6.5/10

Unraveled really shines in this category, but the others consistently disappoint.

Nicknames (Average): 0/10 

All three books get a zero because we hated Smite’s name so much. 

Notes: My memory fades faster and faster every day. Soon I may not even know my own name. 

[dressupdressshopp]

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Make sure to litigate the fact that check this out boysand we didand he didn’t affect his idea about this movieand were discussing the going on with all is after a while what we started I get taken it seriously does realize it was a pretty cool idea about you taking to the movieand fit in with the overall song is pretty basic idea songs about the bookand a movie after that the state tells that little guy with a box on the day he now cool to do it with like when you concept with it also noticed with in a sanity is yet a concept that’s really only telling half of itand then do so many things about videos I think that we still don’t know that work learning about things you do when you like I did get all with different visual things he can do with blending thingsand all the crap that were like complete newand weird so you know the idea was that it was pretty cooland the whole way was put together that’s what made it work very focused trialand message to the family until incurring the going anti now seems to be the site awareand you know Texas about which were by yearand a half takes us you know which is about six months offand then the we start writing salsa wood on the recordsand longed to year is three years already so it seems to be what we can stuck in right now so you know only on 94 is taking time with anything you know you want to just write in the mechanic at the money now to make sure that it’s rightand how long you’re in the studio always causing as much oh my God you know in the long run it is really matter if you’re happy with the workand six month break we definitely needed after that long to her in writing materialand we take pride in his chair out in a 30 sauceand pick up 12 best whatever caseand it would To finally write daily life cannot be fairly quick actually clicked by standards I think the whole brining process took about eight weeks eight weeks premature never saw him it was quiteand I was just like been three years last on the ideas are stacking up was just kind of taking eight months offand all that was really an email the right thing to do because when we can actually like really gung hoand going for some pretty much the right thing to do is fill out we get a couple must account a jam onand I was the cool thing we didn’t get to do that on some of the other albums you have a few of them readyand we all jam togetherand go in the studioand still be writing stuff for the other guys never even played it with us so you two is about the stars maker is a risk can safely say that this lonely can add them off a couple monthsand generally settled in to see where they were going all the vocal stuff is almost ready to go to the next phrasing so when you can where the song was sitting helps like with each person doing drum step by step on the vocals of time things it was the first time that we ever actually counted with a producerand somebody else was kind of like weird at first light when the rehearsal roomand the site guys in the room taking notes of my of those scary first couple days but got comfortable with that he was just as great you really changed much around the song line but it was good that somebody can fit throwing ideas can blend almost like what other bands do refining is a no signing they want a lot of things I regret like a year later Lindsay like the last couple years just to open up your mind to different things got to go with what feels like you can’t worry about what you said four years ago in an interview in Langley look at things differentlyand get olderand obviously felt thing I was even like it was like a list of people that was just like well it is Bob rock on it we should meet him so we flew upand then was not like a huge thing to me does not like people history something being forced upon us by management a record company payroll very happy that we finally sort of look outside todayand for somebody else to help with planning unit was never really a producer in the classic sense of how worried he was more like a technical for super engineer Canada push the buttonand when really cannot say in there this amino real Canada coaching he said at a counter is not a performance oriented which I think it became apparent to those who really needed somebody to start helping us get some life into Iraq Tinaand him Bob makes pretty lively records flooding knew what we wanted sound wise the sign performs at an early screw this I thought I could fulfill that the way you really knew what is supposed to doand the producer does is makes you sound more like you not not taking Bon Jovi ideasand put them on this band is not his thing in pulling the best of value being object from a different way you might sitand go you know how I want to know what they did because you like in the middle of tracking is something like they just can’t step outside yourselfand can looking for somebody like Bob really helpful when Canadian what is your afterand then when you feel that okay now this guy understands what it is whereafter then you can leave it with you Dominicans were a lot more about performancesand going for them the engines were about overseeingand making no major decision you know cannot about that kind of stuff so it can lilies of us to deal with potential to greatly justify the ones we didn’t trust him it took a little while when you finally say this guy knows aware what we want do is wake upand it was cool in any so that the couple weeks but I’m low levels strain theand domestic fail taband select thought unknown failing to agree that is little will pull the simple timing the simplicity of it all you hear the easy things to Gary register saw a different approach to songwriting in a different thing to go for production wising a lot of people have been shown the last couple weeks is easier record to Mason to mechanic say that you know suggesting a contrived thing but the thing is when you have a different approach the way you write the songsand you have like she almost like enjoy yourself when you’re playing that comes across like a different feeling record before then I think all those things make it easier listen to is not sent down to make a record that is you listen to dislike were like having fun in all this attitudeand then comes through in the planeand that makes it easy for you listen to cannot be part of what we trying to deny me heavy load that isolates the styleand how the law last think we really try a lot of that stuff a lot more self conscious if I comes up interviews afterwards sitting somebody throw the question is what you want we do that will make you know we just do things you would always wanted to do things differently than what a lot everybody else is doing sometimes might look at somebody elseand discounted subconsciously save your cell wall maybe things will be differentand wanted to spend a go this way for a while is not to vilify myself interviewsand talking about it seems like what we do things happen in people always want answers afterwards weird analyze something that doesn’t really take a lot when it is taught is getting together you mean it will fit adult looks like shorter songsand conversation taken off five seconds like arthritis source out okay in a letter to this okay like you know 30 seconds later why do you think of things that contain one more more answers in England but anywhere else What would you think about all this concept that’s happening the mine would get sand shooting a band engineering band shooting us never a big fan of being shot but the video cameras okay you get you get professionals out there that their little jaded with all that hailand put my mark on this with thisand this is my styleand that I well anybody really if you’ve been doing it long enough you you develop a styleand it’s kind of hard to break out of that the fans shoot from that basically she was able to see so it makes total sense one thing that people can be curious about the tatsand dumb I was just wondering what you had any that you could maybe briefly show whatever it’s a good bit of the story about what it’s in the means to you yet while I mean these guys here first of all means but through my time of the country infatuated with Angelsand just the the next afterlife or somethingand you know my parents leaving us are earlier than others having some kind of guide in my life because I know I like I should’ve died hundreds of timesand I’m not the only one but I can only speak for myself that I know there are things like after I’ve done something like that was really stupid I could like man made my mom or dad or somebody is it made made car turn this way instead or somethingand it’s it’s kinda nice to see those those are realize those things this is my higher power this is an angel bringing the gift of music to me these are actually my hands the the tattoo artist Jack Rudy he he took a Polaroid of my handsand then he copied him so that’s meand struggle this is the angel bringing me music to help me through the fireand this in Latin is don’t die which means gift from God so this one is besides my kids namesand all of the other many of obviously are not meanings but this one is pretty importantand then Cliff you know this is cleverly Burtonand this is the middle bit 20 Ryan the base part delete duty duty do it on right those people find it hard enough to stop drinking like you to win stresses alive around the I know I my battle leaving the bottle way too often some like yourself who has a polygon the US scrutinized by people unfairly whatever like what you kept you going to be Abba to do to do what he can do what you did set deck can’t be an easy thing is it is tough inand learn in certain tools is important to be on the road especially while you are nowadays there’s a lot more bands out there that the bottles not that important to them or the drug or the smoke of the whatever the checks into whatever it is that sidetrack you a lot is not as important as it seems as it used to be but yeah can be challenging on the stuff they’re sitting right in front of you know in them for me is it I’m not really haven’t been really good at long term goals in healthand long term happiness is was always pretty foreign to me to be happy right now I want it now is I feel like shitand into the drain chair that whatever was always a quick quick fix to use it but if I want to if I want to miss it if I eat off of five of five feed the dog that says this was so great remembering this or if I feed the dog that says do look how great your life is right now look at the crap that you used to be in the know this that depends on how you look at itand I know I could I could I could go back in things up pretty quick quickand I don’t need to do that so but also you went you know the criticizing that the public guide of things like that it really depends on my mood is on a really good mood I can I can take anything at any time but if I’m feeling a little insecure little tired or look hungry or whatever it is or just know fraid from the roadand that’s why we don’t go out for such long periods of time as you do you start to get fraid in your head starts to swell you think you’re greater than you are in all of this stuffand I could do whatever I wantand then all of a sudden you don’t do stuff I don’t need to be doing so keep in keep in the tour legs shorter has helped a lotand in all the criticism he has is people are people man you know were no greater than each other we get the same size souland were trying to try to feel happy nor trying to feel loved simple as thatand some people think if they could put someone else down they feel a little more the ego comforts them a little bit I know what that’s like mad so I I contributed to that psychologist being like that now you know get nothing to do with me so been able to tick tenant let it bounce off it is sometimes difficult but that’s the tool I like to use what is it that so that prevents you from some straying away from you telling it there there there are two sites me on that the one side is I’m so happy here I get to write whatever I want to I just wrote an intro to my apocalypse last weekand we played at the concert the other night all this is awesome is a lot of freedom if you let it you know that is a lot of times when we all can it get hung up on each otherand want to try this is like wool may be no way you know this the democraciesand and now I got step backand think second level maybe that’s best that’s best for us for not all in agreement with it let’s not do it man you know or management thinks while this is maybe a bad idea likeand fighting a little bit on itand then click well wherever the passion is I’ll believe you probably be on that the true passion is the keyand that is that we go with that so obviously enough of that in the band to be Abba to the sustain you without taking to the credit elsewhere I think I keep trying to do stuff outside of it you even feel like writing nothing else matters that was not metallic I was not gonna be from attackand I was just meand my head in my know misery for a whileand they heard itand said he ring it onand so it seems like anything is able to be metallic now which is fine as the other side of me this like well you know they’re keeping me know management doesn’t me to do this because it’s affecting the name of the band so I can’t do what I want here in theand he gets gets it gets single mindedand this does notand I know that’s not the right thing to do you know we got a great thing going here is this this part of me that thinks you know as soon as somebody goes offand does a side projectand how I don’t take them seriously anymoreand not not to knock other bands but say it you must let not Corey amazing from an amazing singer please don’t really know which band e zine at the moment you know he’s got so many things going onand if that’s you knowand I can’t I certainly won’t judge him on that if the if it’s maybe it’s maybe he’s doing that to survive maybe the money thing is tough or who knows what it is but maybe not getting in all the stuff that he needs to get in but that’s his that’s his journey I don’t I know I would much rather I think I think I think dedicationand loyalty it was a long way with me what album to you like what you a young kid was one of those outlets I said this is this is my calling man like what the hell is this a guardian more of it by add abuse set black Sabbath no one out of all the records in my brother’s record collection my my my brothers 10 years older than I he was in a bandand he had all kinds of albumsand email from Jethro told of the Beatles to whatever all this other stuff in a put on black Sabbath that was that was pretty much it like Sabbath like Sabbath you self taught here had the first album put it onand it was while this is differentand I like this you know this is got some cool it’s got some ball this got some heaviness it’s got a little bit of scariness in there but as its next level you know it’s is taking it a step further this is just not regular bouncy rock this is the highlight of the way this has this has emotion behind it says howand help our fear whatever it really has to do with your roots man when you’re growing up that stuff so importantand it’s so impressionable on you so everyone has that in their lifeand whatever bandit is at that time you know for my wife it’s no Phil Collins that’s okay it moves her that she reminds her of stuff of her teen years or something that she connects withand goes while I can ground myself in his music for me going back listening to Sabbath listening to Skynyrd listening to UFO listening to priest listening to early maiden stuff like that it does that it does that for me with your proudest track that you overwritten personally itself that’s difficult question because I think we’ve all we’ve all accomplished some great things that with different feels there are some songs that we cannot forget about that I think are pretty amazing I think leading me is one of those moments I think outlaw torn I think the picture you a little bit of those epic E in a with its cut instrumentals with lyrics really there is I’d say the third verse in unforgiven to is a distant when it when it breaks downand there’s that way around land where you know the little law plane is parting from Bob Roxio in the lawand second were professional now it sounds like it’s almost Jimmy page you know so where we were entering the realm of zeppelin at that pointand not pretty proud of that to this easy to most of them going on stage he says something which is up to the back your head that use of sale as you used to be afraid of on the stage but obviously five that yeah water afraid of drowning them out I would say I think all of us together used to be a lot more scared to be okay with no wrong to be wrong were playing just a variation on the album you can get away or you can just say hey I felt it my best I try my bestand that’s all I can do if it was you know 30 in Russia when we played that soloing in my fingers froze up that’s as good as I could do work at my throat was swollen shut like that I’m trying to say nothing else matters I did my best so I think were a little bit better at accepting how things are in the I’d say the thing I’m most afraid of his probably like something like my back going out something like that on stage wishes like you go downand then the wheelchair comes up at the stretcher SCA will make this one up you know you don’t like making gigs upand I’ve kinda been the one who’s been making everyone else make up most the gigs with’s broken arms are catching on fire backs going out or eating bad oysters yeah that’s actually not remembering something on the website about that is like you seem to have that strength that you two way this way keep on going to get the fuck right train rolling while your bestand if it we can do a show you where human at the end of the day if we can’t will make it upand that’s the best we can doand if people travel a long time ways you know to come to that show that they can’t make it the other dates it’s a bummer but it’s part of life in can be superhuman fuel questions always late but yet thank you I really appreciate on really hope they show guys wealthy guys next to not something awesome displaying a part of everything he liked the three days of living doing this with Chaffin Vicki’s it’s it’s been great also experience I really had tends out good looks greatand stuffed as is Le Havre so that ion thanks again Bob we we dignified man we we love having fans come from all over the placeand it’s no snow short swim man for youand others you know we appreciate thatand the dedication that you guys have for usand you know this is upand spread the word of this to good vibes man in a row to have some fun absolutely thinking that if I had to have a right has to get going even investors came to the aliases Celia McKim on again the 20 validated on the task I have lensesand interviewand married okay to a economic spaceand shows NAM Davis been POC for a movie steadfast but it still see pod people answered all the others in their bestand send them in is a public heand Elder can set up it was in a deal of schedulingand reforming a few of spirituality staying here always in a suit all lost key to get the M Solvay spitting us to form signify such assets need to lean in in in some industrial opportunism it could since it will start to buy on a naming scam it’s speeded in dust beneath these needless to all of you to be ancient veins set aside a DEA area today is okay piano I think is a is the government will be seen as that come to an Anita lost the was awarded mainand said that Kindle edition one minute station shows two super massive be the people at on the lobby wasand for scabies cleaning today get some stated that in some cities to diabetesand take other people in schedule started I put sword at the UK the putting she showed on CD you know you need made. Plane lease you are the first because I get off the plane and the essay looks like hell what happened what happened to our president is is a choice between a job super recovery or a buy depression and depression 401 k s down the tubes look out radar software had a little bit yesterday as Nancy Pelosi will not approve stimulus that so enjoy playing a boom or a abiding lockdown but you’re already down in we got again or go we again you like to the deck is every kind of I make this even a little bit of an essay them in one of the right basket I placed a crazy 60 minute was you just kept asking me and then they interviewed sleepy gel is like everybody his fellows and they got great ratings that’s unfortunate they get such good ratings and I want to do it again now what time of the difference one is a craziness I fire coming out of her eyes I love he says that he said I am prepared by tough questions I suggest be fair know I’m a top is the way starts with by this hello this is about did you see the reporters that

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Worth the Wait

Sirius Black x female reader

A/n: so funny enough I have a shit ton of wips that I've started weeks (months) ago, but this I started writing last night and finished this morning.

Summary: After escaping Azkaban, Sirius recalls an old promise to a close friend.

Warnings: SMUT!!! Some Fluff and some angst!

Sirius was dead tired. He was tired of running, tired of hiding, tired of being a fugitive.

Right now, he was trying to find a place to take refuge. Not only was the wizarding world hunting him down, but muggles too were keeping an eye out for him.

Every headline read the same ’Dangerous Sirius Black’, ‘Notorious Sirius Black’... He doubted there was a person left who would believe him, believe the truth.

At that moment, Sirius thought of you. He tried not to in Azkaban, those happy thoughts would have only drawn the dementors straight to him. In fact, his memories of you were his happiest ones.

He could picture your smiling face so clearly, the sun shining on you, your hair shimmering. He should've told you back then how he felt.

Why was he so damn scared to tell you? You were one of his closest friends, but he wanted you to be so much more.

Now after spending 12 years Azkaban, there wasn't much he could lose now except for maybe his sanity.

He had plenty of chances to tell you before. James and Remus were constantly on his case about it. God, even Lily got involved eventually. But, in fact, he had tried! Yet, it resulted in a ridiculous promise instead.

If there was one thing Sirius knew for sure, he was over 30 and single. ...

“Heard you broke up with that Prefect, babe,” Sirius snickered joining you on the bench.

You shrugged closing your book and setting it aside, “He got boring.”

Sirius laughed, “Got boring?... He's a Prefect, that's guaranteed boredom! Bad choice if you were looking for excitement.”

“Heard you dumped that girl from potions,” you pointed out.

“How'd you hear about that, already?” he narrowed his eyes. “It just happened this morning at breakfast.”

“Oh I know, she was crying and bitching about you in the girl's lavatory to all her friends,” you added in a playful tone.

Sirius rolled his eyes, “It wasn't like we were anything serious.”

“Got your eyes set on someone else, hm?”

“Not necessarily, but-”

“She wanted a commitment, something more meaningful than getting to second base in the common room?”

Sirius smiled, “Something like that.”

“In fact, Padfoot darling,” you mused. “I believe I'm the only girl left in Hogwarts whose heart you haven't broken.”

“Asking me out, sweetheart?” Sirius leaned closer to you.

Honestly, the thought of dating Sirius scared you, because you did love him. You were head over heels in love with him, but all that meant was that he had the power to completely crush you.

You scoffed, “Please, Sirius, if you ever broke my heart, I would have to hex you so bad no girl or boy would look at you the same way!”

“Who says I would break your heart!?” Sirius shot up from his seat. “You are just as notorious as I am. If anything you'd break mine.”

“Alright, then, we agree,” You swallowed thickly.

“Agree to what?” he asked lifting his eyebrow.

“Agree not to date, ever.”

“Ever?” he repeated slack-jawed.

You nodded.

“But-” Sirius's eyes darted back and forth. “That seems pretty extreme.”

“So what? You want to risk our friendship for just a few chances to snog?” you groaned.

“It just seems like a waste to not even try, y/n,” Sirius argued. “What if you're the one for me?”

You sighed loudly, trying to play it cool, but he was not letting up and you were running out of excuses. It was tempting to say yes, but both of you were notorious players. It seemed so unlikely that it would work out.

“How about a promise?” you finally proposed.

“A promise?”

“Yep,” you nodded looking him straight in the eye. “Let's say, if both of us are still single at 30 we get married?”

“Married!” Sirius shouted clearly startled. “That's quite different from dating.”

“I just mean, like a pact,” you quickly explained. “Just think of all the hearts we'll break between now to then?... Maybe you are the one for me, Sirius.”

Sirius smirked, “So what you're saying is that once we've exhausted all other options that we might as well just be with each other?”

“I suppose that's the gist of it.”

“You're lucky you're worth the wait,” Sirius winked. . . . “So how'd it go, Padfoot?” James asked slinging an arm around Sirius's shoulders, as he hopped into the seat next to him.

The Great Hall was bustling as students made their way in and out for lunch.

“It went…” Sirius drawled.

“It went?” Remus questioned sitting across from Sirius and pouring himself a cup of pumpkin juice.

“Don't tell us you didn't tell her!” James whined. “Who knows the next time she'll be available?”

“Listen,” Sirius started to explain. “I tried! I did! But it led elsewhere…”

“Elsewhere? How could “Y/n I love you!” go elsewhere?” James argued, taking a bite out of a roll.

“I didn't tell her that!” Sirius huffed. “I tested the waters… and well, in 14 or so years we'll be married.”

“What?” they said simultaneously.

The look on James and Remus's faces when he told them about the pact was priceless.

“Well, that definitely is elsewhere,”  Remus chuckled.

Sirius groaned, burying his head in his hands, “Why couldn't I just tell her?”

“Honestly, it's not that hard, mate. Watch,” James instructed. He stood up and spotted Lily at the opposite end of the long table.

“Hey, Evans!” he shouted drawing her attention to him. “I love you!”

She rolled her eyes and tried to ignore him.

James, as usual, was persistent, as quick as he could he headed over to where Lily was sitting.

Remus shook his head and sighed, “Perhaps, that's what you're so afraid of.”

….

Sirius took a deep breath. This was a longshot. He was aware of that. But he had no one he could turn to. And this, this was the one thing he wanted to do before hunting that rat bastard down.

He couldn't believe his eyes as he peered into the window. There you were, somehow even more beautiful than he remembered.

You were busy cooking dinner. He watched a while longer just to make sure that you were alone.

This could be his last chance after all. Throwing caution to the wind, Sirius transformed from being a dog back to a man.

He tried your doorknob and to his surprise, it was unlocked. Quietly, he walked into your home.

“Y/n?”

Immediately, the bowl you were holding slipped from your grasp and shattered on the floor. You couldn't believe your eyes.

“Please don't scream, y/n, please,” Sirius begged.

You clutched your chest, tears threatening to fall. He looked so different, so thin.

“Sirius?” Carefully, you tiptoed towards him. Your fingertips brushed against his cheek, his face was pale and gaunt.

He seemed slightly startled by the physical contact but relaxed noting how long it had it been since he's felt this kind of gentleness.

He smiled, but you could tell underneath that he wanted to cry with you.

“Y/n, I…” Sirius didn't know where to start. Should he try to convince you of his innocence? Explain why he escaped? Tell you how he feels?

His eyes searched yours, but he couldn't get himself to speak. This was wrong, he shouldn't be getting you involved.

“So whose heart have you broken, now?” you teased, wiping away a few stray tears.

“What?” Sirius blinked in surprise.

“Sirius Black showing up out of nowhere…” you explained placing a hand on your hip. “You're a few years late.”

“Sorry about that, love,” he murmured, catching on to your game. A clever way for you to let him know that you're still single, that you still remembered.

“Does a summer wedding sound good to you?” you joked.

“Best time of the year for a wedding, in my opinion,” he played along.

God how he missed this, the banter, the flirting… just being able to be himself with you. You understood him in a way, very few people did.

“I think a small guest list would be best, practical you know?” you continued. You waved your wand and pieces of shattered glass reassembled themselves.

“Really? I always figured you'd want to invite everyone, really rub it in their faces that you're officially off the market.”

“That sounds more like you, dear,” you smirked.

Sirius froze for a moment, spotting his reflection in a mirror. He barely recognized himself. He was an absolute mess covered in God knows what. He probably didn't smell too great either.

He gulped, feeling his confidence slip away, “I'm quite a sight.”

“You just need to wash up!” You showed Sirius to your bathroom, “Help yourself to anything.”

“Anything?” Sirius purred.

“Sirius,” you stated in a stern voice, but you smiled. “Let's save the flirting until after your shower.”

He laughed, already starting to strip before even closing the bathroom door.

The warm water felt so pleasant as Sirius stepped into the shower.

He couldn't believe how it felt to be with you again. For the first time in a decade, Sirius felt human, not just an empty shell. He could feel all the muscles in his body relax, as he started to get comfortable.

He was so worried, that everything would feel awkward and different, that maybe you wouldn't even give him a chance. But you did, you welcomed him with open arms.

He took his time scrubbing every inch of himself. It only makes sense, when someone spends most of their time as a dog, the dirt and grime really start to build up.

Finally, feeling clean Sirius stepped out of the shower. His face looked a little bit better already.

“Y/n sweetheart, that smells fantastic,” Sirius complimented walking into the kitchen.

You laughed, “It's just soup-”

You almost choked seeing Sirius. He was practically naked, just a towel loosely hanging around his hips.

“Are you hungry, too?” he wiggled his brow. “Cause you're drooling.”

“Well, I'm sure if I were topless, you'd also be drooling too.”

“Actually, just the thought alone is pretty tempting.”

You shook your head, “Did you come here for refuge and to reconnect or just to get laid?”

“Can't it be both?” he shrugged.

“Sirius,” you sighed. You had so many questions. Why was he here? What exactly happened that night? What was he planning on doing now?

“I know, y/n,” he muttered, he knew what you were thinking and you had every right to be wary, but he wasn't ready to bring all that up. Not when he was just starting to remember what happy felt like.

“There are so many things for us to discuss but…” he pleaded. “But for right now, for tonight, let me have this.”

You cupped both sides of his face and looked into those gray eyes you loved so much.

“Alright, we'll pretend everything is fine,” you murmured.

You tilted your head and pressed your lips to his. At first, Sirius didn't react, until he recovered from the shock of what was happening.

Cautiously, he held your waist and pulled you closer to him. The kiss began to heat up as your lips parted and his tongue slipped into your mouth.

You moaned at the sensation of his tongue rolling against yours.

Sirius smirked against your lips. He then breaks the kiss and latches onto your neck. His kisses are desperate and hungry. His tongue explores your tender skin and his teeth nibble on the nape of your neck.

You threw your head back, giving him better access to explore your other sweet spots, “More.”

“I'm happy to oblige,” Sirius helped you out of your shirt and bra, dropping both onto the floor.

You shuffled out of your shorts and kicked them aside. You touched across his chest and over his shoulders. Studying the symbols tattooed on his pale skin. You ran your fingers through his damp hair. This time you peppered him with kisses all over his collarbone.

You kissed along his jawline feeling his stubble and beard tickling your cheek. Your breasts pushed against his chest.

The skin to skin contact felt amazing.

Feeling your hands and body pressed against his skin healed him in a way nothing else ever could. All those years spent numb and alone immediately erased by your warm and loving touch.

“Don't stop touching me,” he mewled. “I don't think I've needed anything more.”

All he wanted was to be with you like this forever. To remain forever in your warmth, to not ever have to feel that coldness again.

You noticed the towel he was wearing was starting to pitch a tent. Carefully you palmed his erection and watched as Sirius closed his eyes and bit his lip.

You could feel how long and thick his cock was through the fabric. It didn't take much for you to undo it, letting the towel fall to his feet.

His moans were music to your ears as you stroked the shaft of his cock. He grabbed your hand, tugging it away from his dick.

“Sorry,” he chuckled lightly. “But I won't last long if you continue.”

Sirius guided you onto your back on the floor. He positioned himself between your legs, rubbing the tip of cock between your folds. He used your wetness to lubricate his shaft.

Typically, he would've done so much more before fucking like rubbing your clit, edging you to the near brink of an orgasm, fingering your tight cunt. But he couldn't hold out much longer, his self-control wearing thin.

He grunted and huffed as he pressed his cock inside of you. Your slick walls squeezed deliciously around his shaft.

“Sirius,” you gasped as his cock stretched your little hole.

He paused for a minute, allowing you time to adjust and giving himself a moment to admire your lovely face as it contorts.

He began to rock in and out of you. His cock reaching deeper and deeper into your cunt. Your back arched as he hit your g-spot.

You reached out, feeling his shoulder blades move and his muscles tighten.

You head started to spin as you became overwhelmed by pleasure. The only sounds you could hear were Sirius's panting and the wet slapping sounds of your flesh and his making contact.

You can feel your climax building. Soon your toes curl and you tremble as your body drifts into a euphoric state.

Sirius's nails dug into your thighs as he shudders against you. Your own orgasm causing him to cum. He grunts and growls loudly as he fills your pussy with his sperm.

His cock stayed buried in your cunt as he collapsed on top of you. That was probably the most intimate and emotional sex you've ever had.

The kitchen floor felt so cold against your hot skin. Needily, Sirius's arms were wrapped tightly around your waist and his head nestled between your breasts.

“I love you, y/n. I wish I had told you sooner.”

You felt his tears run down onto your chest.

“I love you too,” you cooed playing with his hair.

“I want to stay but I can't…you deserve-”

“Shut it,” you reprimanded him. “I don't want to hear that. You're mine now, Sirius.”

“Y/n, I have to clear my name, I have to avenge James and Lily…” he explained, he nuzzled against you, needing more of your warmth. “I need to explain it all to my godson… to Harry.”

“Of course,” you swallowed, trying to hold back tears.

“We agreed on a summer wedding, right?” he mused quietly.

You nodded.

“I'll have this all sorted out by then, I promise,” he assured. Sirius raised his head, his hand gently caressing the side of your face. “Think you can wait a little longer for me?”

“You're worth the wait,” you whispered, placing your hand on top of his.

taglist: @princess-sweatpants @xfeathered-serpent @edendescending @letskillthefuhrer

[futurewriter2000]

The Deal ~Part 1

A/N: I can't believe I'm making another James Potter serie...damn me and my long ass imagines that need to be perfect. A bit short this one is but the ending of it was just perfect and I had to 😏 also yes second part is coming out.

REQUEST: Can you do a James Potter imagine where you are helping him win over Lily, but the two of you end up falling in love instead? I love your writing by the way!

PAIRING: James Potter x reader

TAGS: @shadyladyperfection , @huflerin , @geeksareunique

Other parts ---> MASTERLIST

Xx

Sunday evenings were always spent in the library. Always. It was your joy to be surrounded by books in a cold rainy day. Yes, it sounds nerdy and it usually wasn't you to be spending every Sunday evening in the library, curled up in a chair and reading one of your favorite books.

It was funny how no matter how many times you read the book it still kept you excited. Sometimes when there was one of your favorite scenes coming closer you had to put down the book only to take a deep breath and giggle a little. 'Oh my god here they come.' you thought to yourself, smiling like a maniac in a dark corner with the only light coming from the window.

"Come on my dearest love. One date and I'll make it worth your while." grinned James as he walked in the library, following the red head girl.

She turned around, her hair flipping on the other side as her face kept the look of annoyance. "Listen you. " she spoke angrly, pointing a finger to his chest and gritting her teeth. "You just put Alice in a hospital. There is no way I will ever go on a date with you."

"First of all it was Sirius. Secondly, she was in the way of it and thirdly do you know how adorable you are when you're angry."

"Oh my god. You! You're so..so.."

"Handsome, brave, charming, lovable...single?" he grinned and leaned forward.

"Ugh!" she screamed in a high pitch voice, pushing James on the ground and leaving the library.

You couldn't help it. You really couldn't. The whole thing was just too funny for you, a bit pathetic to be honest.

"You're trying too hard." you snickered, glancing up from your book to the boy who kept sitting on the ground, smiling to himself.

He shot his head in your direction and picked himself off the ground. As he walked closer you realized you should have kept quiet or he wouldn't be so close to you as now.

"And you are?" he smirked, leaning forward and slowly pushing the book down so yours eyes met his.

"Someone who knows that that over there was way too pathetic. Even for you, James Potter." you smirked and closed the book in your lap.

"Pathetic? I'd like to see you try."

"Years of rejecting and I'd thought you'd get better at it. Or at least move on."

"I don't give up. I'm a Gryffindor." he sai proudly, tapping his chest and making you laugh a bit.

"And there I thought Gryffindor was about chivalry too."

"It is."

"If you mean by that, than you are dead wrong. " you smirked, grabbed your books and got up. "You need to step up your game James." you added before walking out of the library.

-----

"(Y/n)." called your friend but your eyes were kept on the book. You kept reading it, trying to remember the formulas as the exam was in 15 minutes. "(Y/n)." she called again but you just ignored her. "Yo, Peewee."

As soon as you heard your pet name you looked up. Merlin you hated it. It made you go mad whenever anybody said it.

"Oh so she does hear me."

"I told you to stop calling me that." you hissed at her.

"Well it's the only way I get your attention. You've got company." she smiled and glanced up at the boy standing behind you.

You tilted your head backwards, seeing mischivious hazel eyes smilind dowm at you. Narrowing your eyes and observing as he kept showing off that evil smile of his, you decided to speak. "So? Are you just going to stand there or say something?"

His smile grew even bigger as he jumped on the bench next to you and sat down. "So?" he started and couldn't help himself from not smiling at you.

"Why are you smiling like an idiot?" you asked and heard your friend leaving the table so the two of you could have some privacy.

"Because. I have a plan and you're in it." he replied and sat in the position so he could face you directly. "You say I'm pathetic at wooing Lily. I get it. I was in a denial back then but after a good night sleep I thought ‘Maybe she was right. Maybe I need a new approach.’ and thats when the lightbulb finally lit up. I want you to help me get that girl."

You stared at him. That's all you did. You just stared at him because your head was still processing the words he spoke to you. "Yeah, no." you laughed and turned back to your books.

"No? Why not? Why not help a guy out?"

"Because firstly, you you don't even know my name. Secondly, I don't get anything out of it and thirdly I have better things to do than teach a guy to get a girlfriend." you stated the facts and stood up, lifting your feet over the bench but as soon as you tried to leave he grabbed your arm and pulled you back to sit down.

"Firstly, I do know your name (y/n). Secondly, you would get a lot out of it if you don't want to do it from the goodness of your heart. I could tutor you, take you on my adventures and tell you secrets of the castle. And thirdly, honestly, what else do you have to do? Sit in a library and read the same book over and over again. Don't you think I noticed. You always hold the same book every single month."

Wow. You were impressed by his argument here and somehow you felt that the boy sitting in front was desperate for help. So if you take a step back, you can actually see the big plus coming your way.

"Tutoring lessons for Herbology." you demanded and quirked and eyebrow at him.

"Deal."

"And you get to pay whenever we go to Hogsmeade."

"What?" he exclaimed and furrowed his eyebrows.

"Trust me, if she'll go, we'll go. Now do we have a deal?" you asked him and lifted your hand to seal the deal.

A bright smile formed on his lips as he took your hand and squeezed it tightly. "Deal."

[meulinthekittytroll]

Rant af I'm sorry

Yunno I don’t know what my dads problem is with my boyfriend. He doesn’t like him, at all. And I honestly have no idea why. Maybe it’s because this is the only relationship he’s seen me in? I’m not sure But if my dad could have seen all my past relationships he’d understand why B is probably the only one I could ever want to be with. There were some major people who impacted my life in negative ways and I’m still recovering from them. I will point out the major ones First there was David. He tried to kill me once, and manipulated me and made my self esteem plummet. (Grade 3-7) Yes, I know, 3rd through 7th grade and he tried to KILL you? Are you over exaggerating? No I’m not lol. Then there was Devin. He was the first boy to cheat on me. Which made my self esteem plummet even further. He also was the first boy to treat me… like I wasn’t a person I guess?? I don’t know how to describe that one but it made me feel very inferior. (Grade 6) young I know but shoosh this shit can happen at any age if you let it happen. Then there was Max. We never actually dated, but he is still very important because oh boy I crushed on this boy HARD from 8th to 10th grade. He and I had a thing going on in 8th grade but never quite did anything about it which only made me like him more. Then 9th grade came along and we only got closer but still didn’t quite do anything. (I also had a boyfriend at that time that I’ll get to in JUST a second) Finally 10th grade came along and I FINALLY made a move, only to get shot down, HARD. That was partly my fault I suppose for being too scared to tell him my feelings earlier than that. But still, ouch ouch that hurt me a lot. Jacob, the boyfriend mentioned just a second ago, this was a long distance relationship. He was a couple years older than me and I had never met him in person, I dated him because I was extremely lonely. This lasted almost a year, but not quite. It started out really fun because I could lowkey flirt with Max but still have someone to go home to and text and get the feelings of love that Max didn’t give me, I know I know that’s borderline cheating but hey I was in 9th grade and I was stupid in love with Max and it was just a messy time in my life and Ive obviously learned from it and cheating is disgusting ugh……. ihatemyselfAAAAnyways, as the months rolled by, things slowly went downhill with this Jacob kid. He just was a downer. We both were depressed and got even sadder when we realized we couldn’t meet for a long time blah blah you get the point everything was a mess and he made me extremely unhappy, that was a very toxic relationship and I’m glad nothing ever became of it. I haven’t talked to him in almost a year, I hope he’s doing well. Also in 10th grade I developed this crush on this boy named Anthony and he was a dorky kind of cute, tall and scrawny but still muscly, I dug it. I flat out told him I liked him bc I didn’t want another Max situation and he seemed interested at first until he told one of his friends that doubled as my friend that he wasn’t interested so I obviously found out and got shot down again. Ouch! When that didn’t happen I started talking to a good friend I also met over the internet named Gavin and wowie did this boy make me feel wanted and loved. I had a brief thing with him previously but it never followed through, due to the fact that he was a dickbag and cheated on me and blamed it on some personality disorder where he needed more than one girlfriend to be satisfied *cough* bullshit *cough* but anyways, I tried it with him again the summer going into 11th grade c he was sooooooo sorry and loved me soooo much and wanted to marry me (gag!) anyways, things were good for a while but then he slowly stopped talking to me and cheated again and all this other shit and as my confidence in myself slowly went down the garbage disposal as it had been since like 4th grade, I finally told myself enough is enough and told him I was done with him. I told myself I was done with boys until the right one came along and treated me right. As a junior at a new school with no friends, I assumed it would take until junior year of COLLEGE to even consider boys again (besides possibly sleeping around once I got too tired of being a virgin kek) But yunno, life throws unexpected things at you. I remember the night so clearly. I went to bed finally content with being alone, not having to worry about any boy cheating on me or making me feel bad or putting me down constantly. Then, wouldn’t you know it, the NEXT FUCKIN DAY, this super duper cute boy I had seen a few times around school walked into my first period photography class. And I thought to myself “fuck.” Bc I immediately knew something would happen between us. This boy was he perfect mix of goofy, nerdy, and cute as fuck, with a hint of holy shit you’re SEXY. Exactly my type. Tall, dark, and handsome (a spongebob reference has never been more relatable) ((besides maybe “i’m surrounded my idiots”)) ANNYYYWAYS Me and this kid start talking bc I grew a pussy (not balls bc balls are sensitive and vaginas take a pounding) and gave the kid my Snapchat. That same day I reaaallly wanted a chance to talk to him so I posted a pic on my story of me and my dog havin’ a blast (rip Lily u will be missed ily thank you for being the reason the loml messaged me for the first time) anywho, HE MESSAGED ME FIRST AND WE STARTED TALKING AND SHIT bc he thought my dog was cute af (which she was!!!!) and we kept talking and talking and found we had so much in common and finallyyyy we admitted to each other we liked each other and started dating soon after and I’m spare you all the mushy details of how that came to be. Back to the reason why I started writing this little rant/story in the first place. My dad borderline hates the guy. But what my dad doesn’t understand (which is a lot but these next few sentences are important) Every single relationship I’ve had, was with a guy who has done nothing but lead me on, cheat on me, or abuse me (both physically (which only happened twice thank god) and mentally (which happened SO MUCH OH MY GOD it’s so much harder to catch that than actually getting physically abused) Yet, my current boyfriend…. we’re gonna call him B, bc his name is unique and I don’t want people knowing who I am if this ever gets read by someone who knows me and cares enough to read though all of this. B is the most beautiful person I have ever met, inside and out. He makes me feel important. He makes every day a blessing. When I first moved in with my dad in the beginning of 11th grade, I was a complete shut in. I hardly ever left my room besides to eat and bathe. After I met B, I started opening up and spending time with the family, and I made such amazing friends at school that I would have never talked to if it weren’t for him. B makes everything exciting. Of course we have had our fair share of bumps in the road, but ever healthy relationship does. And yunno what else healthy relationships do? They talked them through and fix the problems!!! B has made it so clear to me that I am worth all of the shit that goes on sometimes, and believe me I can be crazy so that is saying something. And oh boy is he a package deal too. He’s constantly got something going on, he’s quite frankly an idiot sometimes. But hey, he’s my idiot! I’ve never woken up and been happy about being alive since I was like 10, until B came around. B completely flipped my view of the world around. We tell each other this thing all the time because weird kinda opposites when it comes to certain things. He looks like the moon, but is the sun. And I look like the sun, but am the moon. He has dark hair and he’s got olive skin (very Italian looking) looking like a human version of the moon. But he has this optimistic view on life, the personality of the sun. Then there’s me; golden brown hair with fair skin, I look like the sun. But I’m kinda a pessimist, and I also am quite the night owl (he definitely isn’t!) personality of the moon. That might not make sense to you, but it does to us. I’m getting side tracked. The whole fuckin point is, I hadn’t felt true happiness since I was 10 until I met this guy. My dad says we aren’t going to last. My dad barely even lets me see him outside of school once a week, and when he does let me he always gives this disapproving scowl and scoff when I ask to see my boyfriend (who I have been with for well over a year now) once a week. Oh and by the way, he LIVES with his girlfriend who he’s only been dating a few more months than B and I have been. I wonder what he’d feel like if the roles were reversed. Yunno? Like he gets to see his gf every day and sleep next to her ever night, but the moment I want to see B, I get a scowl and a reluctant confirmation that I can see him on the day I asked to see him on. I’m sorry for all this rant and I know it’s probably all over the place but I just really really had to get it out because I don’t know why my dad is so unhappy with me being with a guy who makes me so happy. It’s not like B is a delinquent. He has two jobs (one is a photography business, he does really well with it actually he shoots for weddings and shit he’s an amazing photographer ((he only took the photography class at my school for the credit and to laugh at how low quality everything was at the school and how badly they taught it))) and he’s polite and respectful. My father truly has no reason to not like him, he has no idea how badly I’ve been treated up until I met B. B treats me better than anyone ever has, including my dad. Everyone else in my family loves him! Not nearly as much as I love the son of a bitch tho. I truly grew up from 3rd grade on getting belittled and cheated on and made to feel terrible, and if my dad knew that or understood it, maybe he wouldn’t hate the boy that made me happy to be alive again. Thank u for the ppl who took the time to read this through even tho I doubt anyone will do that bless u ilysm