#((smth smth u can have a tragic backstory and not be an awfully tragic muse appaRENTLY))

[pctaldrunk]

@j1anghu asked : also for Tang Sanyue — What might tip her toward or away from seeking vengeance? How might she go about it if she did want it? Does her family have any enemies still out there who might seek her out? Does she feel any motivation to clear her father's name? - QUESTIONS FOR MUSES (RANDOM AND ALWAYS ACCEPTING)

I've sort of been meaning to write this headcanon, so thank you for giving me the chance - it's definitely something she had a long time to sit with and think about. Tang Tang was too young when it all happened to really have a very sophisticated opinion on the idea of revenge in that exact moment, and I think it helped that at the time her grandfather was a reliable adult who then went on to raise her - in contrast to, for example, her brother, who just had to go at it alone. She could feel all the emotions that come with what happened - anger, grief, even hatred - as a child, and also had the space to postpone her decision on what to do about it all until she had formed enough of a personality and grown up enough and healed enough from the immediate trauma to figure out what she wants to do in this situation that isn't just fueled by said trauma and emotion.

And I think largely - as she grows up and finds what's important to her, her choice is not to seek out revenge. By no means is she ever going to be chummy with the royal family, as it were - some things can't be forgiven, and she might be especially petty when they inevitably rub elbows somehow. But Tang Tang is at heart a healer. Not intentionally causing lasting harm to people is important to her and a core part of who she is. And also when the person you're seeking vengeance against is the royal family, that's something you spend your whole l i f e doing. (And we see her brother do that, for contrast! He really spends the better half of his years focused on infiltration and setting up and planning treason! And becoming quite a bit fucked up by doing so!)

And I think once again this is where having Grandpa really helped. Having remaining family means that when she inevitably sinks into the "what would the deceased want me to do and how could I honor them because they're dead and I'm not" she has someone to pull her back from the more destructive thoughts. The people she loves wouldn't want her to become an instrument of revenge. The people she loves wouldn't want her to twist herself into something she isn't so that she might avenge them. The people she loves wouldn't want her to spend the rest of her life and ruin quite a bit of her sanity, her health, her happiness - doing this. She did not live so she could feel pain and inflict pain. Eventually she comes to this conclusion, even if there were a few emotionally turbulent years in the middle there. It's not that she doesn't care but rather - she cares by putting as much good into the world as she can manage. She lived so she's living her life to its maximum capacity for the people watching over her in the afterlife. I think along that vein, in terms of her family's now tainted reputation she's very much like....what's true is true and will not become untrue. It didn't matter what other people thought if it was untrue.

Enemies that would recognize h e r specifically are few and far in-between. Her mother didn't really advertise where she came from because a randomly jianghu lady becoming a duke's concubine would be scandalous to say the least, and also she was still a child when the whole thing happened. Most people roaming the marital world try not to piss off healers, I think, and she wasn't really let out into the world from her grandfather's sect until she was an adult, so after all those changes only her brother who started to keep tabs on her after he eventually figured out what was going on knew who she was, etc. etc. I think she gets antsy around royals and the other court children, especially the ones she grew up with, because there's the fear that they'll recognize her after so long - but they only saw her a few times a year back in the day for festivities and other occasions held at the capital, so it's debatable.