#((phila's having a moment nothing to see here))

[philialdevotion]

(very slight emetophobia warning!)

She’d pictured this reunion a thousand times over.

Maybe, she would run to her and there would be no reaction. Her Lady Exalt, placid and cool as marble against a feverish cheek, steady and unmoved, unmelted. Tears would spill and burn into stony eyes, and Phila would track them as they traced another’s cheeks. She had enough tears to cry for both of them. 

With a twist of anticipation, she had longed for rage. For yelling, and accusations, for a righteous fury that scorched her, left her little more than an outline of ash. Let me know the true extent of my failure. She would smile upon her punishment, fall, alight, like a comet.

 On dark nights, when the candles had perished in their own wax, she saw a tomb. Grand, quiet. She would steal into it in the night, trace the words with her hands, become the guardian of her memory. 

Each iteration - pressed against her mind’s eye with the hazy quality of impossibility, of fantasy - was considered, reconsidered, passed between her hands and reshaped with the careful care of a strategist. Never once, was the possibility of nothing considered. If there had been a question of her being drawn back into the orbit of her Exalt, Phila hadn’t been aware of it. Whatever poison seeping from her brain, that murmured she was long gone, had not fallen into her heart, stubborn thing - justified in its dogmatic persistance by the chance of being illuminated from within by green eyes which peeled back layers of flesh, scryed the depths of her very being. Even now, darting confusion, they pin her in place, dissect her. She remains kneeling. It’s easier. She doesn’t have to meet those eyes. 

Phila. Love. She’d really been doomed from the start, hadn’t she? A name like that was predeterminate. A name like that could only tie itself into knots, into bondage to another. Foolish girl, to love a God. To reach for an icon. To tuck kisses into marble corners, to prostrate and say prayers, the contents of which consistented of a single word. Single-minded. That’s what she was, always had been. 

She’d known, even as she tried her best to see it before it came, that these outcomes were impossible. An ant could not look up at the sun and read its path. She would be blinded. The Exalt of Ylisse would not, could not expend such energies on her servant.

And even as she has tears in her eyes, she can’t help but smile. Because she’s here. She’s really here. Her sun has returned. And they can go back to how it was before. The end was not the end. Spring has come again, and the flowers burst through the soil at Nature’s command. Students buzz around them, she hears murmuring. It could’ve been a thunderclap, and it would’ve passed over Phila like a whisper. 

 Because Emmeryn was before her. Reaching to heal her with hands that were already heavy with an unseen weight. Hovering inches away, light on a lake, moments from shattering, with an unsteady voice, and hestitation, and fear - Gods, she loathed that she could ever drive fear into her heart - in all her ascendancy. Always above her. Yes. This was right. Lingering on the dirt ached, but it was a familiar pain. They could retrace these steps together. They could make their way home together. Phila. The bonds of allies, the segment of love a ruler bestows to the devout. Phila, the idea of an embrace. She could live with that. Even as she wanted. 

And Gods, she wanted. It rose in her throat like bile, like the steel blade bite of blood. The weight of her own desire, to hold her again, to feel the warmth of her breath against her cheek, to enfold her and defend her, and… kiss her. It would’ve choked her from the inside had it not been disrupted by new revelations. 

I don’t recall who you are. 

The new Exalt sits on her throne like a child on a mountain. She looks so small, so vulnerable. People crowd into the ceremony, a full house. They gather to hurl stones and obscenities. Phila isn’t one of their number. She watches from the stables, trying to calm the pegasi who have caught wind of the panic thronging the air. She doesn’t know how this child could spring from the corpse of a tyrant.

She hates The Exalt. She hates him for sending her father away, and planting a hollowness in his eyes. But, she can’t find it in her to hate her. This girl. She looks to be around her age, and Phila can’t imagine the weight of the metal halo that drags her head into a permanent bow of pennace. 

Suddenly she is young again, terrified for someone she barely knows. Suddenly Emmeryn is accosting her, surly and childish, in the stables to try and beg forgiveness for a crime she had never committed. Even now, she tried to make amends for sins that were not hers to bear.

Emmeryn whom she had whispered secrets to, when they were hidden under hay and wingbeats. Who had got her to laugh, properly laugh from the deepest part of her stomach. A closeness Phila had gotten only because of flagrant disrespect for her rank. A rank she no longer recalls. Someone who was indeed, dear to her.

She risks a glance at her, and sees tears falling like strings of pearls. She wants to reach up, brush the tears away. Look at her, and do nothing else for the rest of her life. Inhabit the quiet space of before-prayer, the silence of focus before the words come. Attentive and holy. 

She cannot recall Phila. But she has yet to lose herself. And Phila can live with that. 

‘Your Grace.’ The words weigh down her tongue, hard and heavy as chains. ‘You were a ruler. You were, are, the Exalt of Ylisse.’ They don’t come easily, the epithets, the titles. Her head does not need to know the weight of a crown. But she deserves to have some remembrance of who she once was. A reminder of the distance she needed to keep from Phila. ‘And I was your knight. Phila. It is my duty to defend you with my life, and I failed you. It is inexcusable, you shall not forgive me.'  

love lies a bleeding

[v0ideyez]

Hello everyone, this is a small bit of an emergency ahaha. Right now my partner is unable to work due to recovering from cancer, and I'm taking a temporary leave from work due to my struggle with my mental health. This means neither of us are making any money at the moment!! I hate to have to beg, but I can't leave my partner's grandma to be taking care of all of the bills AND food AND the animals once we (my partner and I) run out of money. I have enough to last maybe 2 months, if I buy the bare minimum. I would also really like to be able to get presents for my good friends for the holidays for once. So... I am opening up bust commissions in the mean time!! Here's all the info you may need if you're interested!!

I am trying a new approach to pricing!! My rate will be starting at $18 minimum, plus $18 per hour. Ibis Paint X records how long it takes to draw something, so that way if you want proof for how long your commission took me, I can show you!! For reference of how much you might need to pay, it usually takes me anywhere from 1 to 6 hours to do a fullbody piece. A bust would most likely take 1 to 3 hours, which would be $18 for 1 hour, $36 for 2 hours, and $54 for 3 hours. If this sounds too expensive to you, I apologize, but I'd like to do more than just survive. If you need to work something out with me like a payment plan, then I'm sure we can figure something out.

Each piece will be in full color and shaded!! I will send you progress throughout to see if it's to your liking.

Message me on discord if you're interested!! If you don't have discord, messaging me on here or instagram would be okay too. My discord is safevoidz#6202 and my instagram is safevoidz. I'll send you a google form to fill out the information on what you want me to draw you, I'll let you know when I've received your answers, and then I'll have you send the starting $18 through either PayPal, Venmo, or Cashapp (whichever you prefer). I do NOT accept checks and do not trust people enough to use Zelle.

I am willing to draw most things!! I am not willing to draw anything relating to hate speech/bigotry, right wing ideology, p/d/phila, s//cide, or self harm. My one exception with self harm is drawing scars. Scars are nothing to be ashamed of.

Here are examples of my work :) if you want an idea of what a bust would be, refer to the first piece

[obiwanobi]

senator skywalker and sith senator kenobi au where anakin annoys obi-wan so much that in the end he just. fuckign rails him to shut him up. but then afterwards he’s all pliant and sleepy and beautiful, and for the first time in 30 years something in obi-wan’s cold dead heart shudders to life.

good lord I’m really, really into it.

The dynamic is so different here, because Obi-Wan is doing this ‘hidden Sith in politics’ very well, he’s charming, pleasant, pays attention to what he says in public and everyone feels heard and important when he’s here. He was even voted one of the most popular Senators among the public this year.

Senator Kenobi could declare that he’s going to nuke Coruscant in the next hour and people would probably thank him for being brave enough to announce it himself. He’s everything Sidious hoped for, and Obi-Wan thinks that it’s worth being away from real action and unable to wield his lightsaber for a few years.

But then Senator Skywalker shows up, and Obi-Wan’s nerves never truly recover. 

Skywalker is the worst. He has an extraordinary gift for making everything difficult: questioning centuries-old protocols, rallying the public (and even politicians, because they’re all as brain-dead as the people they represent) to useless and time-consuming causes like stopping slavery in the outer rim, (is there still people living in the outer rim? Gross.) trying to make revolutions and civil wars happen everywhere he goes and diverting everyone from Obi-Wan’s objective by being loud and obnoxious.

He’s a pain in the ass, and unfortunately, he notices Obi-Wan. And from this moment, where Obi-Wan allows himself to be annoyed at another senator instead of violently murdering them in cold blood like he wants to, Senator Skywalker becomes the bane of his existence. Putting himself in his way whenever he can, voting against every bill Obi-Wan promotes, arguing with him over petty details from 08:00 to 19:00 and sometimes even through the press, until he’s permanently tightly wound up and angry enough to look borderline furious any time Skywalker walks in his field of vision.

And Skywalker smiles through it all. 

Obi-Wan dreams of decapitating him. 

The day Obi-Wan finally looses his legendary patience in public and yells at Skywalker is also the day he fucks Skywalker through his desk three hours later. 

Obi-Wan throws him out of his office after five seconds of blessed silence, when Skywalker recovers enough of his wit to make a sharp comment about knowing that Obi-Wan couldn’t be as perfect as everyone said he was. 

This, (fucking him, not throwing him out) was a colossal mistake. He knows. He just... couldn’t find any other way that doesn’t include maiming him for life to make him shut the fuck up for one minute.

Skywalker takes it as an invitation to bother him in private in addition to turning into his personal nemesis in public. Anytime they’re left alone, Obi-Wan snaps at him, throws sarcastic comments after rude remarks, criticizes absolutely everything from the ugly scar on his face to his unrealisable and childlike ideas about social changes. But Skywalker doesn’t leave, and argues with him or finds it funny, and it only makes him stick around more (he is funny, in a very dark and horrifying sense of humour that absolutely no one should know Obi-Wan possesses.) 

But it’s also almost... relaxing, to be able to talk to someone without carefully choosing words beforehand. To say the most outrageous thing his mind comes up with, and only have Skywalker laugh and maybe even add a comment himself. Skywalker has his limits, obviously (Obi-Wan knows now to never approach the slave topic in a fifty lightyears radius again, and notices that he’s weirdly protective of Naboo’s Senator) but any violent argument is generally solved by fucking and then ignoring their divergence of opinion. 

They fuck when the atmosphere becomes too tense between them, they fuck when it’s convenient, they even fuck when they celebrate the departure of a hated colleague or Stewjon’s victory in whatever mid rim sport is popular these days. Sex is good, even better when they start to learn what they both like and relish the intimate noises they can draw from each other a few doors away from their colleagues.

They still hate each other. (One time a journalist asked him about his thoughts about Skywalker’s reelection as Tatooine’s Senator, and Obi-Wan said “I think he’s the senator Tatooine deserves”. Later that day, Skywalker commed him. “You’re really good at shitting on me and my planet without anyone noticing, hm.” He knew he was smiling, so Obi-Wan smiled too and told him to be in his office without his pants on in half an hour if he wanted to complain about it.)

They still don’t get along. (”They’re children, Kenobi, you’ll have to be extra nice in front of the cameras and not look like you’d rather have a vasectomy than spend one more minute listening to their incomprehensible babbles and being touched by their dirty little hands,” Skywalker once said while readjusting Obi-Wan’s collar. “You know I hate doing that.” “Yes, but you’re also very good at pretending to have human feelings.” “I know, it’s a curse.” Skywalker half-laughed, half-kissed him. He didn’t hate it.) 

Obi-Wan still throws him out of his office or apartment after he’s done with him. (Except that one time Skywalker fell asleep in his bed because he had an exhausting day and still came to Obi-Wan’s apartment. And this one time he blinked slowly at him right after sex, all warm and soft and content and said “This is the only time my brain can shut down and I’m finally free.” And also the time Skywalker came back from his horrible two-month-long diplomatic mission that almost killed him and spent two days on his couch, refusing to talk but leaning in when Obi-Wan’s hand stroked his head.) 

(It means nothing.)

But then Skywalker makes the mistake of being jealous.

Obi-Wan has never really cared about...Well, anyone, really, so when he fucks (gently, slowly, with soothing words, Force, this is all so boring) the pretty niece of a King to make her change her uncle’s mind about taxes on hyperspace lane routes in his sector, he doesn’t think about it much.

Until Skywalker barges in his office yelling. It’s different from their usual banters and fights. For once, Obi-Wan is more confused than irritated because Skywalker isn’t making any sense (less than usual anyway) and keeps talking about Obi-Wan being the worst (nothing new here) and when he finally understands that it’s about... Phimla? Phila? Whatever the name of the girl was, he can’t help but be annoyed.  

“Oh, please don’t tell me that you’re a romantic.”

He’s waiting for more yelling, but nothing comes. Skywalker just stands here, looking at him like he barely recognises him, with an expression Obi-Wan can’t completely read. It’s a long silence, almost an uncomfortable one because nothing should be so still around Skywalker who’s always on the move. It doesn’t feel right, not knowing what to say to him, how to make him react, understand what’s happening. 

It takes a long, long time to realise that Skywalker is holding back tears.

Obi-Wan can’t deal with crying people. That’s the only reason he hates seeing Skywalker’s trembling hands running through his hair. 

“I can’t believe I thought you could— Doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter. Of course you can’t understand normal emotions, it would make you human and we both know you can’t even be in the same sector as human or else you implode.” 

"Skywalker—”

“Fuck you, Obi-Wan.”

He leaves. He has never called him Obi-Wan before.

Obi-Wan doesn’t see him for weeks. Not in the corridors of the Senate, not at cocktail parties, not in meetings. No one challenges him when he speaks in public now, no one makes a sarcastic comment about his flowery turns of phrases or pushes him in an empty room for a blowjob right before an important conference to throw him off.

It’s boring. 

It doesn’t help that people have been acting weirdly lately.

“Should I book two tickets?” His assistant asks him when he tells her to get him transport to Stewjon for a weekend. “No, why would I need two tickets?” She sends him an unimpressed look.

Despite his best efforts to be polite and courteous, Senator Amidala refuses to speak directly to him. 

Even Sidious makes a comment. “You’ve been distracted lately.” Obi-Wan doesn’t know how to answer to that. It’s best to say nothing. “I have something to cheer you up, you’ll like it. I think it’s time we get rid of a... troublesome Senator.”

Obi-Wan thinks he’s having one of these unpleasant feelings he despises. 

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Blame [Surgeon!Calum AU] Ch.4

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7

Summary: What do you do if the only person you feel the connection to is the person you blamed for your sibling’s death?

A/N: This thing came up from my headass asks to wonderful Summer about neonatal surgeon!Calum au, which you can see here and here and here to understand the concept. I didn’t plan to do it at all, but the idea stuck in my mind and with support and encouragement from Summer, I came up with that. This is my first time publishing anything on Tumblr, so the feedback is extremely appreciated. Enjoy

Warnings: angst (again I don’t even hae anything to say in my defence), lack of proofreading

Chapter 4

It was odd. Felt like Anna’d known, that her cell phone was about to set off moments before she actually heard the sound. She was in her apartment, ready to set off to her parents and checking her bag for the last time, just to be sure that she wouldn’t need anything. And she knew that her phone was ready to ring, she looked at it a second before the call. And she definitely knew who was calling. And not by the melody, she had a standard one for all the calls. She just new. And it was odd.

The phone was ringing. Anna was standing next to her little kitchen island looking at screeching device and debating whether to pick up or not. She couldn’t quite explain it, but she didn’t want to talk to Bryan. Like she knew that if she picks up, they’re gonna end up fighting. But finally she gave in and answered the call.

“Did I wake you? Is everything alright?” surprisingly, Bryan sounded really worried.

Annabelle frowned.

“No. And yes. Why?”

“Well, you didn’t pick up for…”

“I’m packing, didn’t hear,” lied Anna instantly. “So, what’s up?”

“Just wanted to check on you? How’ve you been?”

Anna sighed and rolled her eyes a little. Suddenly she remembered Jo’s yesterday words. She was in a long-term relationship with a guy and got pissed off when he was trying to show his care. There was something seriously wrong with their relationship. Or with her.

“I-” but, jeez, how was she to put this into words? How could she explain everything she felt to a person unable to understand it himself? “I’m okay Bryan, really. Everything’s fine. Was just about to set off.”

“You’re coming today?” Bryan was genuinely surprised.

“Yeah, thought that would be better,” Anna shrugged, moving her attention to her bag again. “Wanna be there tomorrow from the early morning.”

Bryan hummed something incoherent in return and silence fell between them.

“Do you want me to meet you tonight?” he finally asked.

Anna sighed again. “No, I guess I better spend the evening with my parents. You know…”

“Yeah, sure,” Bryan agreed hastily. “We’ll be back at your place tomorrow eveninganyway, so better spend some time with the family.”

Annabelle bit her cheek in confusion. “Back at my place?” she repeated.

And then she felt it, a momentary change in the mood, electricity starting to crackle between them.

“Well, yeah,” started Bryan, “we planned to spend the rest of the weekend together, remember? I’m leaving to Phila on Monday, so…”

“Bryan, I’m not coming back here till Tuesday,” Annabelle stated in a cold tone.

He sighed. That awful patronizing sigh adults make when talk to a silly kid. Anna felt her blood start to boil in her veins.

“What? Anna, babe, come on! We’re not gonna see each other for weeks. I wanna spend some time with my girl, before I go.”

And that was the moment she lost it.

“Well, I’m so sorry to ruin your plans, babe, but, newsflash! My brother has just died! And no matter how ridiculous it seems to you, my family is a little bit more important than your need for sex!”

“Anna, that’s not…”

But she wasn’t listening to him anymore.

“I’m sure there are a lot of girls in Phila who will gladly help you out! Goodbye, Bryan!”

And just like that she hung up. And was quite proud of herself for not shattering her phone that very moment.

Annabelle tried to calm down, but she still felt her hands shake as she was picking up her bag and typing a message to her dad. She kept reminding herself what happened was more than typical for Bryan and she shouldn’t have been so shocked. But she just couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that even in such circumstances he was as ignorant as usual.

All her attempts to concentrate on driving and her family were in vain. At some point she started to go through the radio stations in search for some distraction, but couldn’t really settle for any of them. All music was either too happy, or too sad, or just...not right. So she turned her radio off and groaned loudly.

Her thoughts were coming back to her fight with Bryan again and again. Annabelle was shaking her head in disapproval, imagining some other responses to his rudeness, more clever and sharp ones, and was saying them out loud, as if Bryan was right in front of her. Drivers in the cars nearby probably thought she was crazy. But Anna was so deep in her own distress, she forgot that there were any people around her. And every time she decided to let it fucking go, reminding herself that he just didn't understand and there was probably nothing she could do to make him understand, the same question popped up in her head. How? How could the man, who said he loved her so many times, treat her like that? The only answer she had was the phantom feeling of a man’s strong arm wrapped around her shoulder, helping her carry her troubles and somehow making it all a little bit better. For like a mere second, but better.

How come Bryan wasn’t the person to make her feel that?

Annabelle got so distracted that when she realised she wasn’t moving she couldn’t remember the moment she’d stopped. Just as she couldn’t understand why she was on the parking lot of her school couple streets from her parents’ house. The sun was already setting behind tall trees on the other side of a playing field. Everything around her was deserted, not a single person or car around. Students, and apparently teachers too, were eager to spend the last weekend of summer holidays as far away from school as it was only possible. Anna looked around couple of times. What was she doing in the emptiest place in the entire neighbourhood?

And then she understood. The very moment the first tear fell down her cheek. She understood. It was like a dam wreck. It all started with a single tear and little sniffles. But couple moments in she was crying like she’d just found out about everything what happened. Like they were still at the hospital and Dr. Hood was telling them the dreadful news. She was crying like all her wounds were open again and bleeding. She didn’t even tried to hold it back, knowing well enough how useless would be her efforts. She started to sob loudly soon, and the next moment her hand hit the steering wheel. And then she hit it again. And again. And she continued hitting it till her hands started to hurt, trying to free all the anger and despair she had inside. And understanding she was nowhere near. The emptiness she felt in her chest the night it all happened was filled now with the darkest emotions imaginable. And one break down on a high school parking lot wasn’t enough to get rid of all of them. Anna was ready to believe she would never be able to let go of them, she was destined to carry this darkness inside and nothing will ever stop it from hurting. Nothing and no one.

She’d spent like that about twenty minutes, before her tears stopped. And after that she wasted at least as much time to calm down and try to hide the red circles around her eyes with the make-up.

When she finally drove up her parents’ driveway she was so late that her dad almost jumped out of the front door to meet her.

“You were right about traffic,” she tried to smile, looking at his slightly worried expression.

“You’re finally here, that’s all that matters.”

Mark pecked his daughter on the cheek and took her bag from her hands. They were walking up the porch stairs when Anna realised he was more tense than she expected. She saw it in the way his shoulders were a little too straight and  his head leaned on the right. Anna felt cold creeping up her spine. What was going on?

“By the way,” Mark interrupted her thinking, his tone too funny for her to believe it, “we had to cancel the curry plan, unfortunately. Your Mom ran out of spices. But I hope you’ll be okay with a pizza night?”

He stopped at the front door, letting Anna come inside first and looking at her with a wide smile.

“Sure, pizza is fine,” she smiled back.

Her  Dad nodded and headed upstairs to put her back in her room.

Anna lingered in the hall for a couple more moments. She looked at his back feeling an uneasiness inside her growing stronger. There was something too unnatural in all of it.

She shook her head and stepped into the living room. Huge glass doors on the west side of the room let her see their rather big garden, filled with all shades of orange light from a sunset.

Her Mom was in the backyard, obviously working with some of her plants. Annabelle came closer to the doors and watched her Mom. All sorts of gardening tools were scattered around Jennifer. Freshly digged soil on her roses’ flower beds, bushes just cut, garden furniture in a new place. How long has she spent there?

A strange thought flashed through her mind. Annabelle went to the kitchen and opened the cupboard where her Mom kept all her spices. And she sighed deeply. All of them were there, some of the items even doubled. Anna closed her eyes trying to comprehend the idea of her Dad deliberately lying to her. And then she heard him coming behind her.

“What are you doing?”

Annabelle closed the cupboard and turned over to look at her Dad standing in the arch between the living room and kitchen.

“There’s no problem with spices, right? She’s never run out of them in my entire life.”

Mark didn’t say anything to that, just stepped back into the living room and looked at his wife busy with her flowers.

Anna came closer to him and asked almost in a whisper, “How long has she been there?” After her Dad said nothing again, she nodded in understanding, “So the whole day then.”

And it stuck her finally, a massive realisation which squeezed her throat preventing her from breathing. Her parents, she understood now, they weren’t okay. They were so not okay she couldn’t even start to comprehend the depths of their loss. They were shattered and grieving thousands time stronger than she was. But even though they’d lost their second child, they still had their first. And for the sake of that child they were keeping their grief down low, tried to look as normal as it was only possible to save Anna from more heartbreaks and pain for her parents.

Anna felt the familiar burning in her eyes and stinging in her chest. She took a deep breath and turned to her Dad, who was still looking outside. “You should stop protecting me, Daddy,” she uttered, her voice broken and trembling. “At least from this.”

Mark shook his head and looked at his daughter, his eyes full of tears. “You’re my little girl, Annabelle. I will never stop protecting you,” he sighed and suddenly pulled her into his arms, holding her like their lives depended on it. “I couldn’t save him and I can’t save my wife from it all. But I will always protect you. I promise you this.”

So they stood like that in their living room. Mark was breathing in his daughter’s hair, hiding his eyes. She was holding his broad and shaking shoulders with her little hands, realising how wrong she was about them, how awfully damaged their family was. And asking herself if there was at least any chance that one day they would be okay again.

***

The last time their house was so full of people was her graduation. Table in the dining room was as full with food. Her grandmas and grandpas sitting on the same places. Bryan being just as nervous as that night two years ago. Annabelle found all the parallels surprisingly soothing. Like the familiarity of the scene helped her stay sane.

She looked at her older relatives again. Grandpas were preoccupied in some heated conversation with one of her uncles and her father’s oldest friend from college. Grandmas were reminiscing on the good old days, judging by their slightly dreamy expressions. It was surprising though how interested and involved in their talk was Jo, sitting with them, asking questions here and there, listening carefully to their replies. Who could have thought.

Allie was standing near the doors to the garden, Bryan close to her leaning on the wall with a glass of whiskey in his right hand, left hidden in his pocket. They were exchanging some phrases from time to time, but mostly stood there in silence. Allie was frowning, looking at Bryan with worry in her eyes, but Anna pretended she didn’t see it. Just as she pretended she couldn’t guess the source of his distress or that she didn’t care at all. He tried to speak to her earlier, but every time he was approaching her, Anna was excusing herself under one pretext or another. Or just kept her occupied with her parents or talking to Max, who gladly obliged in keeping her company through the whole day.

Bryan’s and Allie’s parents were together in the kitchen, chatting about something in the quiet voices. Anna could only see them through the arch, too far away to hear a word. But snatched looks Bryan’s Mom was sending her told her everything she needed to know about their topic. They knew about her and Bryan’s fight, obviously. She could almost hear it. Poor girl, she’s devastated. No surprise she’s so emotional. Doesn't mean the half of what she’s saying. Bryan just needs to be patient with her. Like she was some kind of a wild animal and they were trying to tame her. She snorted in disgust.

“Here you are,” Maks spoke quietly, coming up to her and handing a glass of water.

Anna mumbled thanks and continued looking around.

“Wanted to say how much I actually hate funeral,” Max started, his eyes wandering around the living room just like Anna’s, “and then…”

“Realised everyone else hate them too?” Anna finished for him.

Max chuckled, trying to cover it in his extremely unnatural cough. “Yeah, like can there be at least any lunatic who would enjoy it?”

“There actually is. The undertaker,” stated Anna.

Max looked at her with eyes full of disbelief. “You’re awful today, you know?”

“Just in a mood,” she shrugged nonchalantly and took a sip of her water. Her eyes darted to the kitchen frame again.

“Stop looking there,” hummed Max.

“I think they’re talking about me. It’s pissing me off.”

Max sighed and looked at his cousin with a bemused smile. “Of course they’re talking about you. They’re your boyfriend’s parents and we’re at the funeral. What else do they have to talk about?”

“And you say I’m awful,” whined Anna in a whisper.

“Come on, we’re so similar, could be actually related,” joked Max. “Gotta go hang out with the male part of the family. Will you be okay without me?”

Anna smiled. “Will do my best to survive, but you see, it’s a funeral after all.”

“You are officially the worst,” stated Max, winked at her and set off to the other corner of the room.

Someone moving next to Allie and Bryan’s spot drew Anna’s attention. She saw Bryan explain something to Allie passionately when Jo came up to them, a ghost of a wicked smile on her lips. She said something under her breath, Allie looking at her angrily in an instant and Bryan just shook his head but refrained from responding. Anna considered an idea of approaching them to prevent any kind of confrontation between Jo and Bryan, but was destructed by some movement in her peripheral sight. The next thing she knew, she was hugging Bryan’s parents, thanking them for coming and all the offers of help. Bryan was right next to them and she hugged him too, mechanically, not even giving it another thought. She nodded to all the condolences repeated again and again and looked at her fingers not to meet her boyfriends eyes. Then they left.

Anna looked around again. Max was stuck near her Dad and some of the uncles. Her Mom was surrounded by her two best friends and Anna’s aunt. Jo and Allie were standing together discussing something in an undertone. And Annabelle suddenly felt so lost again. Just like she felt last night sitting in her car next to her school. As if it was difficult to understand what she was doing here and why all of it was happening. She set her look on the glass of water in her hands, but it was shaking so much she risked dropping it. So she darted into the empty now kitchen in hopes to hide her sudden break down. She left the glass on the kitchen island and put her hands on the cold stone of the counter, failing to understand what was happening to her. She wasn’t used to such drastic changes in her mood and the fact that she had close to no control over her own emotions now left her scared and breathless.

Anna felt Jo’s cold and rather sharp perfume enveloping her along with Jo’s arms snaking around her frame.

“You gonna be okay, little Belle,” Jo whispered resting her head on Anna’s shoulder. “Everything will be okay.”

Another pair of hands gently stroked Anna’s hair on the other side of Jo. Allie didn’t say anything, just stood there, letting Anna calm down in the presence of her two closest friends.

Several minutes later Annabelle moved in Jo’s arms and turned over to be able to look at girls. She wanted to say something really meaningful, wanted to explain how much them being here meant to her, how grateful she was for everything they were doing, even if they would say they weren’t doing anything at all. But no words were enough. So they just stood there looking at each other and understanding everything.

“Don’t you need to move back?” Anna finally broke their silence as she remembered Jo had a long ago planned photoshoot in the evening.

“We were about to set off,” Jo agreed and hugged Anna again. “But just say a word and we’ll stay,” she added.

“No,” Anna shook her head stepping away from Jo and hugging Allie. “Thank you, girls. But I’ll be fine. You’ve got nothing to worry about,” she stated with a smile and noticed Max’s tall frame in the doorway. He probably saw girls rushing into the kitchen after Anna and decided to linger around just in case. She nodded in his direction and added, “Plus I have Max to keep an eye on me.”

Allie looked back and smiled widely at the sight of Anna’s cousin, wiping a tear with her free hand. “You know you can call and text and come any moment you want, right?” she asked looking back at her best friend.

“Of course, I do, Al. And I will, promise.”

They hugged one more time and girls left after saying their goodbyes to Anna’s parents, Max stepped out the house to see them off. And Anna was left alone wondering how long she will need till she actually would be okay.

The same question was flowing through her mind the next day when she was wandering through the grocery shop with Max.

Her Mom didn’t come down for breakfast that morning, blaming severe headache. So her Dad found nothing better than to send Anna away from the house to run some errands.

So she was standing in the middle of the chocolate isle next to their shopping cart and scrolling mindlessly through the Instagram, while Max was somewhere else picking up something they missed. Anna couldn’t care less about groceries, so when on the entry to the shop Max grabbed her shopping list and lead the way, Anna let him act out the adult one with gratitude.

“So what's up with you and Bryan?” Anna heard behind her.

She turned back and looked at Max with a sauce bottle in one hand and some packets of pasta in another. He dropped all of it in the cart and turned questioning look at Anna.

“Nothing new,” she admitted, switching off her phone and putting it back in her jeans pocket. “We were planning to spend this weekend together, but then it all happened. And I didn't even remember about these plans. And then he calls and starts talking about it like it's already settled and nothing’s changed and I… I don’t know, Max. Yesterday I was so pissed about it, but today I feel like I couldn't care less.”

“So basically he's been a neglectful douchebag?” Max tried to sum up.

“Exactly,” hummed Anna, choosing a chocolate sauce.

“But you don't care because that's typical of him and also you've other stuff to care about?”

“Pretty much,” she agreed.

They strolled along the isle as Max grunted. Anna waited couple of minutes for him to actually say something, but apparently Max thought the topic was over. So she asked, “Can you vocalise, maybe?”

Max stopped in the middle of an isle containing all types of flour.

“There's nothing much to vocalise, Anna,” he said, looking at her in surprise. “He's still your boyfriend. And as long as you're okay with that, I'm also okay with that.”

Annabelle rolled her eyes to that and rushed, “You're just like Allie!”

“What? What do you mean I'm just like Allie?” asked Max a little too worked up over her remark.

“It's just exactly the kind of shit she would say. Anna, that's your decision. If you're okay then I'm okay,” Anna groaned, obviously too stressed out about it all of a sudden, but somehow not wishing to tame down her reaction. “Seriously, every so often I almost want to question if she really thinks it, or just masks her objection with politeness.”

“Allie would never lie to you or object without stating her point,” returned Max sounding almost wounded.

Anna breathed in and shook her head a little, wavy golden hair a mess around her shoulder. “Max, chill. I know that, she's my best friend since we were like four. I know Ally and I know she would never act this way. All I'm saying is that-” she sighed, taking a pause to get her thoughts together. “Sometimes I would be more than happy to know your real thoughts instead of hearing how ya’ll support any my decision.”

“But we are going to support any your decision,” reminded Max softly, his easy smile signaled that tension left them as suddenly as it'd come.

“And I love you for that,” Anna reflected his smile. “But- I don't know- Could you maybe just say what you think about it all?”

Max groaned quietly, ran his hand over his face and gave in. “You're my cousin, Annabelle, but we've always been more of a brother and sister. And I love you just like I'd love my sister, if I had one. And, frankly, Bryan’s never been a type of guy I would choose for my sister. It's not like he's a bad guy or something. But he's not a great one either.”

“Okay,” drawled Anna carefully, afraid to scare off this rush of sincerity, “why do I hear but here?”

“But,” nodded Max looking straight in here eyes, and Anna felt shivers crawl up her spine under his sight, “all of what I've just said wouldn't mean anything if you had at least any feelings to him,” he finished and shrugged at her exasperation.

Then Max shrugged again, looked around, mumbled something about garlic for uncle Mark and wandered further along the isle, leaving Anna behind, shook and without any idea of what just happened.

They continued their shopping dropping some random phrases here and there. Sang along some stupid song on the way back to her home. And even joked around the kitchen a little while unpacking all the grocery bags. They hugged tightly when Max was leaving after having a beer with her Dad in the garden. And they were absolutely okay with each other.

But Anna would lie if she said she wasn't thinking constantly about what Max said. If you had at least any feeling to him. But Anna had feelings to Bryan. Right? She kept asking herself lying in the darkness of her room that night only to be met with a total silence in her head.

Had she ever had any feelings at all? She'd never questioned her relationship with Bryan, they were the most natural thing in her life after her friendship with girls. Always so easy, from the very night they first went out to a spring formal so many years ago. She remembered the first time he told her he loved her after they'd spent their first night together. Did she feel anything that moment? Apart from being flattered and grateful. Unexpectedly she found herself doubting everything she'd been sure before. Despite being with Bryan for more than three years now she'd never even considered the idea of actually loving him. And it was just… crazy. It's like it completely slipped out of her mind. Or maybe she just knew she didn't love him, so her conscious left the idea untouched avoiding a distress. And what kind of person did it make her for being with a person for so long and not loving him? For not questioning it while it's been so clear for all her friends. Did Bryan also know it? Did he feel that she didn’t love him? Did it hurt him to know it? And why he'd never brought it up?

Anna moved on her back and huffed, looking at her ceiling decorated with shadows made by the tree branches and lanterns in their garden. All of a sudden she remembered Calum, how she shouted at him that night. She probably hurt him too. Maybe that was the answer she seeked? Maybe she just was that person who was meant to hurt others around? That would definitely explain everything. Especially the fact that with all those bursts of feelings she experienced last week, right now she couldn't bring herself to feel anything at all.

It was like she woke up and found another person inside her body. And she didn't really like that person at all.

***

It'd been raining heavily all day and stopped only half an hour before or so. Now it was just gloomy as the day was coming to an end, weather more suited for November than the first days into September.

Anna looked through the high windows of a painting studio she was currently sitting in and sighed. She had no wish of leaving the college building in such weather. And that was another reason for her to stay in the studio after her classes. The main one though was that she really missed painting. She looked at the backs of two students in front of her, who obviously majored in art and stayed here for a real assignment rather than just for fun like her. She was wondering sometimes if she made a mistake not taking an art major, but then she always realised that no matter how much she loved painting it was never more than just a hobby for her. History and theory of art on the other hand was a real passion she was willing to connect her future with. So no mistakes there, she thought. Still she sat here in a college art studio painting for her own pleasure while she had some time for it. Soon classes would start being a real pain in her ass and she would have no time for pleasures like wasting hours here. So she tried to enjoy her freedom as long as she still had it.

Annabelle smiled and went back to her barely started picture. She was painting by a random photo she found on some photo stock website just to practice some skill after a long holiday. It was a photo of a coastline in a storm, full of deep purple color sky and navy water. This picture just drew her attention the other night and Anna felt a deep urge to paint it. So she turned her phone on again and continued on her coastline.

Several minutes passed. Anna was completely caught up in her world thinking about nothing and everything at the same time, mesmerized by the smooth movements of her brush, as if it was moving not with the help of Anna’s hand but by it's own command. She liked that feeling of losing the sense of reality, diving deep in the world of colors and shapes. It brought her peace, serenity even. Was pretty much one of her favourite feelings in the world.

But that precious state was also a fragile one. And she remembered that when the phone in her hand started buzzing all of the sudden, making her almost jump on her stool. However that sensation was nowhere near as big as the one she felt when saw the caller id. “Dr. Hood” said the letters on her screen. All sorts of questions rushed through her agitated mind. Why was he calling her? Was something wrong? Did he want something from her? Was he just checking up on her state in a sudden rush of a doctor care? Or it was more of a friendly care?

Knowing there was only one way to find out, she took a deep breath like before diving into water, and answered the call.

“Hello?” she uttered and almost cursed at herself for how insecure her voice sounded.

“Oh, good, you've picked up!” Calum exclaimed not caring about greetings much and explained, “I thought you might be in class.”

“Done with them for today,” Anna replied. “Just in the studio.”

“Studio?” he asked a little louder. Noises in the background reminded Anna about busy corridors of the hospital. Probably he was crossing one of them which made him raise his tone.

“Yeah, just an art studio in my college, nothing much.”

“So you study art?” Calum asked sounding both surprised and interested. Anna felt like she could almost see a lazy smile on his lips.

“Something like that,” she muttered not wishing to go into depths of her education, as it drew her away from the reason he called her. “So, what's up?”

“Right,” started Calum like he just remembered why he called her, “So you remember Aubrie?”

“Aubrie?” Anna lost the track of their talk completely.

“Yup, the little girl I treated. We met her while having coffee the other day,” Calum explained patiently.

The image of the little girl's squishy cheeks and cute curls popped up in Anna’s mind. “Sure, I remember her.”

“So you should remember she invited me to her garden party this Saturday and I was wondering if you could join me?” Calum asked.

And without doubt from all the things he could ever ask her, that one was the most unexpected.

“You want me to come with you to a three years old’s garden party?” she repeated in a fruitless attempt to understand him.

Calum chuckled, a sound more pleasing for her ears than Anna was ready to admit. “Come on, it's Saturday afternoon! Do you have any better plans?” and not even giving her a chance to reply he continued, “There'll be some kids, couple or more good stories for you and the tastiest banana cake you've ever tried in your life.”

Anna sighed heavily. “Calum, seriously, thank you for inviting me-”

But he didn't give her a chance to reject. “Did I mention the tastiest banana cake in the world?”

“Yes, you did,” Anna snorted at that.

“And it didn't tempt you? Can't believe it!”

“You know, my Mom is pretty badass baker, so I'm not gonna take a guy's word on the tastiest banana cake in the world,” she couldn't help but tease.

“Guess you have no other choice than to taste it yourself,” Calum stated and Anna heard his smile grow bigger.

But it still wasn't enough to make her agree. “And once again, thank you for inviting me,  Calum, but I-”

“Don't say no,” he suddenly pleaded, making her chuckle again.

Anna rolled her eyes and finished, “I need to think about it. That's better?”

“Much,” Calum agreed in the same playful tone. “As soon as you decide on anything just send me a text, like, any time.”

“Will do,” Anna promised not even trying to suppress the smile.

“And when I say anytime, I mean it. Anytime day and night. Literally,” he added, the level of noise in the background raising up again. Anna thought she heard somebody calling his name, but she could mishear.

“Do you, like, ever sleep?” she asked in joking disbelief.

Calum laughed softly. “No, sleep is for the weak.”

“As you say, Superman,” Anna laughed too and promised, “I'll text you the moment I know the answer.”

“Perfect. I’ll wait for it.”

With that he ended the call, leaving Anna stare at her picture in an unfamiliar state of elation. She thought what a shame it would be to actually turn him down. He sounded so hopeful, and Anna felt a strange urge to see him again, not really understanding why. They did spend two wonderful hours walking down the streets talking about all kind of stuff the other day. But they were almost strangers, yet Anna felt like it wasn't complete truth for her heart usually didn't beat so fast because of an idea of seeing a stranger again. Though that were probably just her stupid emotions, reacting all kinds of crazy in all the wrong moments lately. As tempting as this idea was, she had no reasons to go with him to that little girl's garden party.

And still… What a shame it would be to turn him down.

***

Taglist: @5saucewho @paqueretteash 

[writtingfiction]

From End, to Beginning

genre: Fluff, Angst 

pairing: Chrom x FemRobin

words: 5.4 k

summary: Robin wakes up in a field, with nothing familiar in sight. Where does she go with no one to guide her?

There was the soft sound of chirping birds, the gentle breeze swaying the golden fields. Hazel brown eyes open and flinch upon seeing the bright light the warm sun provided. Their hand reaches up, blocking the sun from their view, showing a unique brand on the back of their hand. They groan as they stand, stretching their limbs slightly as they look at field they were in. Vast fields of gold stretched out for miles on end. The view took their breath away, a small smile appeared but it quickly disappeared. Where were they, no, whowere they?

What even is my own name?

Dread and panic quickly filled them. What year was it? Wherewere they? How didthey get here? Whywere they here? Where washere? They were overwhelmed with their own questions. They mind flown into a crazy panic trying to think, but unable too. They had to find someone, anyone.

Their eyes searched the golden fields, the atmosphere was admittedly nice but the situation they were in made it hard to appreciate. Then, a faint smell of fresh baked bread was in the air. They turned, trying to follow the faint smell the best they could. Maybe they could find some answers there.

The walk there was not too long. They had reached a small town, a busy small town. People chatting happily with one another. Bartering with prices, chatting with neighbours and helping friends. That was when they had the sudden thought. Did they have money on them? They searched themselves to find a small pouch with barely enough to make adequate noise to catch the attention of someone beside them. How much was this worth? Did they have enough for a night at an Inn?

“Hey stranger! What’s your name?” A burly man in his late thirties had approached, large smile stretching across his hairy face.

“Robin.” They had said, like it was natural thing to say.

“Robin, eh? Well, it’s nice to meet yah, lass!!” The man gave out a hearty laugh. “The names Theo, I can tell you’re low on cash just by the look on your face. What do you think about making a quick buck?” Robin gave a sceptical look towards Theo, whom just laughed. “Fair is fair, lass. Have no fear, I won’t have you do something you dislike. However, if you could help us move some goods for us, we’d be highly appreciative of it.”

After hearing Theo’s explanation made Robin relax a little. Pausing slightly before nodding.

“I’ll gladly help you, Theo.” The man in response keeps his wild grin before patting her on the back. Guiding her to an open stall not far from where they were.

Here, she helped Theo and his wife move some goods from a cart that had come to drop off some vegetables delivered by his son. The atmosphere was friendly and kind. Robin had quickly learned that the poor town was plagued by brigands that would come to pass every once in a while. However, the Shepherds, a group led by the prince and youngest princess would come in to save the day. She had also learned that she was in a Kingdom called Ylisse, ruled by an Exalt. Whom was very kind and offered peace to her subjects. Ylisse seemed like a beautiful place, apart from the brigands’ attack but she was sure she could live past that. She could feel it.

“Thank you, Robin.” Theo’s wife, Arlessa, said in gratitude. Robin, in return, smiled greatly.

“It was my pleasure, Mrs. Arlessa.” Robin said respectfully.

“Oh, please dear, just call me Arlessa.” She waved off Robin, holding onto one of her hands gently.

“If you insist.” Giving an awkward smile in return.

“Say, Robin, do you have a place to stay?” Andrew, Theo’s son spoke up.

“Ah, I was planning on staying at the Inn for the night.” Robin said, however the looks she received from the family had given her second thoughts.

“Robin, how about I offer you a better option?” Arlessa speaks, hands resting on her hips. “That old man will try to rip every last bronze piece from your poor hands. Why don’t you stay at our home for the night?”

“O-oh! I couldn’t possibly!! I wouldn’t want to intrude–!” Robin said flustered, not expecting the hospitality from the family. Nevertheless, Arlessa just smiled warmly.

“You helped us out, Robin. Let us return the favour. Don’t want your hard working money to go down the river.” Arlessa spoke. Theo came up from behind, nodding, reassuring Arlessa in her offer. Robin stood there for a moment thinking and waiting before making a decision. She sighed and let a smile appear on her lips.

“Thank you, I accept your offer graciously then.”

```````

The dinner that night was deliciously made. Robin ate more than she had ever expected, feeling a bit embarrassed in the family’s presence who just laughed it off and offered her more. It was nice, the comforting feeling of being accepted even though you knew barely nothing of your own self. Robin was beyond grateful for this family and how they offered up their home so, she could rest the night. In fact, when she went to bed on the extra mattress in another room, she thought of ways to help them. She giggled, thinking about how it could be an endless cycle of giving.

Although, she was never able to repay them for their kindness come morning. Royal Guards had appeared at their doors that morning demanding to see her. They put her in chains and dragged her off away from the simple and humble family. She never had the chance to fully thank them once again.

They escorted her to the capital, it was large and lively. However, she could not understand why she was arrested. She had asked multiple times why she was under arrest. Why had she been taken away. She received nothing from the guards that escorted her through the capitol, and through the castle walls, which were impressive. They arrived upon a throne room where she only could assume that was the Exalt sitting in it.

“Who is this?” It was a gentle tone, kind even. It made Robin slightly more comfortable under the harsh stares from everyone else in the room.

“She is believed to be a spy under Plegia colours, Your Excellency.” A guard spoke from ahead of Robin. “She was asking questions about our home and, not so secretly.” She received a harsh glare when he finished speaking. That was when the situation dawned on her. Plegia and Ylisse were at war, or maybe not, but there was tension there. Robin’s situation was not in her favour, she knew practically next to nothing about either country. Never mind the functions inside Ylisse. Panic started to fill her.

“Her clothing suggests Plegian, do we truly know she’s a spy from Plegia? Gangrel isn’t that crafty.” The Exalt murmured but every word could be heard. Robin looked around nervously, she had to say something, but how does one address an Exalt?

“If I may, your Exalt–Your Excellency, a word?” Robin spoke up, palms open facing the Exalt, pleading. Robin took one step forward, but only to receive the end of a lance pointing towards her neck.

“We will do nothing rash.” The Exalt quickly said. “Lower your weapon.” The guard was hesitant to put his weapon down but obeyed in the end. “You may speak.”

“I have no memory. I know nothing of my own life expect beyond my own name. The questions­—” Robin was cut off by the pegasus knight that was beside the Exalt.

“Do you really expect us to believe that?” It was a sharp tone, cutting through the air. Robin breathed as she tried to calm herself.

“Truthfully, no. However, it is the truth! The questions I asked that family was because I knew nothing. The only information I have is a response to common questions.” Robin said, pleading, begging for them to believe her. Her eyes nervously watched the Exalt stare at her. There were a few beats of silence before the Exalt spoke.

“Send her to cells below.” Dread filled her, her legs felt weak.

“Right away, Your Excellency.” A guard beside her spoke. Grabbing her arm roughly as they pulled her along to the awaiting cells below the castle.

To actually be down there, the cell door rusting away as you waited for anyone to greet you with news you were trying prepare for, was terrible. There was barely enough light to see the entire cell but there was a bed light up by the torch’s light. Light footsteps could be heard though, she took brief look towards the small window she had. It was dark, it must have been a couple hours since she had been there.

“This is her, the Plegian spy.” A familiar voice had spoken behind her. Robin turned from where she sat, the chains attached to her wrists dragged on the ground at her movement. It was the Pegasus knight from earlier that day. Someone by her side had stepped out into her view. It was the Exalt. She stood in front of the rotting cell elegantly, her slim green dress barely highlighted in the poor light. She wore a conflicted expression.

“Is it true? Are you a spy from Plegia?” The Exalt spoke softly, looking at Robin in a desperate way. Wishing, hoping but not in the way Robin had wished.

“Exalt, I don’t know what Plegia is. I could not be a Plegian spy.” Robin said, eyes watching the two women in front of her carefully. A snarl appeared on the Pegasus knight’s face.

“Do not lie to the Exalt’s face like that, Plegian. There’s no escape now.” A venomous tone hit Robin hard.

“Phila! Please.” The Exalt said, scolding by the knight’s behaviour. “Do you have a name?”

“Robin.”

“Robin, do you understand the situation you are in?” The Exalt spoke gently once more. Like calming a wild animal. Robin looked to the blue haired knight before the looking at the Exalt and nodding. “Then you must understand the importance that you must say the truth.” Her words hit Robin like a bag of bricks. She was beginning to believe that the Exalt had truly believed her but, how wrong she was.

“I am!! Please believe me. The only thing I know is what the family told me. That their country, Ylisse is ruled by a kind Exalt while her siblings’ rule over an army called ‘The Shepherds’. And that brigands sometimes attack towns. By the Gods, I swear I am not what you call me!” Robin pleaded desperately, taking few steps towards them. “I don’t even know where Plegia is if you showed me a map. I could not tell you the ruler either!! Exalt, I beg you, please. I am not the guilty one you frame so!!”

Gods, I must look desperate.

The Exalt just looked at Robin with pity and sorrow. She sighed sadly and shook her head. Phila had given her a death glare.

“Let us hope Chrom and Lissa arrive soon. For your sake Robin.” The Exalt said, the disappointment filled her eyes. Robin felt wronged as the two of them walked away.

When she couldn’t hear their footsteps anymore, she tugged violently at the chains that felt heavier than ever in anger. Kicking at the stray rocks and throwing the pillow on the bed across the room. She let out a frustrated growl, repeating a mantra.

I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent—

One more pull at the chains before she fell to her knees. Her hands burned and bled, barely. The chains had cut into her skin. She looked down at them, frustration, pain, anger and somuch morefilled her. Her vision blurred, hot tears fell down her face. She can’t remember anything beyond waking up from that golden field. She tried, tried to remember but all she received was a head ache. She couldn’t remember anything. Nothing.

Her soft cries turned into sobs, shaking her body as she wailed throughout the night.

``````

Robin woke the next morning to hear armour clanking down the hallway towards her cell. She stayed in the small cot, not bothering to get up for whomever came to see her. Probably another knight to spit in her face. However, the was a sliding noise. Metal against clay, most likely scratching whatever was sliding across the floor. Robin opened her eyes and turned to face the bars of her cell. There was a young maiden there, waiting patiently. Her eyes moved from her to the plate that had slide into her cell. It was a sandwich.

Robin was hungry. She could not deny that. Her eyes went between the young maiden to the food. Mind going, the kingdom was known for there peace keeping ruler. Well, from what she knew, which was not much. She careful left the cot to sit in front of the sandwich. It looked tasty.

“Please, eat. We wouldn’t want you to go hungry.” The young maiden spoke gently. However, her comment was quickly followed by the scoff from the royal guard. The girl threw a glare before looking towards Robin with a gentle smile.

“Thank you.” Robin said. “Truly.” Giving a small smile before slowly eating the sandwich. The girl smiled widely, happy to see her eating. Her hand slowly reached into the cell to grab the plate when Robin had finished eating, however the guard caught her by the shoulder.

“Do not reach into the spy’s cell.” It was firm, but it was not harsh.

“I will not harm an innocent being.” Robin said in response to the action the guard took. Grabbing the plate and placing it gently by the bars, for it was as far as she could reach with chains holding her. The tension in the air had left but there was still an awkward feel. The young maiden had quickly grabbed the plate and left quickly, the guard right on her tail.

From then on, no one came to visit. It was quiet, room mostly light up by the sun’s warm rays seeping through the small barred window she had. She could hear the capital bustling in the distance. Faint laughter’s and cheers. It made her heart heavy. Did she have a family? Was there anyone out there that cared for her? What was her life like before? Was her memory like a closed book? Waiting for someone else to open and read the lines. That’s how she learned her name. Maybe she could learn more things by listening, talking to others, but that didn’t seem likely at the moment. A heavy sigh escaped her lips, it was boring and painful to wait.

She was innocent, she wasn’t any Plegian spy. She did not want to harm others, only to listen and learn. She tugged at the chains in a rhythm, making rattling noises that echoed throughout the cells. An amnesiac found wearing your enemies’ colours, Gods does that sound believable. They wouldn’t believe her, no matter how hard she tried. But, once more, one more time she would try to convince them. She had too, someone had to believe her. At least, she hoped.

It was hours later of uninterrupted tugging of the chain that footsteps once more echoed louder than the chains she pulled at. She froze, there were many footsteps approaching her cell. Fear had filled her, were they going to take her away and hang her or something worse.

“Prince Chrom, this is accused woman being a Plegian Spy.” Phila said monotonously. Robin’s head turned ever so slightly. Prince Chrom, the midnight blue hair, white cape and one sleeveless arm. He does not look like a prince.

“How long has she been here?” A man not much taller than the prince, spoke up. Giving her a wary look. Robin gave a disinterested look in return. Her head turned back down towards her hands, picking at the holds against her wrists as Phlia answered the man.

“Almost 2 days now. She was found south in a town where an attack by brigands not too long ago.” Phila said.

“That doesn’t explain how that makes her an alleged spy.” Chrom spoke, frowning. There was a flutter in Robin’s stomach.

“The brigands were sent from Plegia. She came along a week after they were chased out and helped out the folks. Asking questions about Ylisse. She proclaims to know nothing, an amnesiac.” Phila said in disgust.

“An amnesiac?” Chrom said, slightly surprised.

“That’s a lot to claim.” The man behind Chrom said seriously. “You, what doyouremember?” Robin breathed, preparing herself.

“Nothing. The only thing I remember is waking to the sky and surrounded by fields of wheat.” Robin looked to the three of them. “That was three days ago, I know nothing of my life before that, Your Highness.”

“It would seem the spy knows her etiquette.” Phila said harshly. Robin ignored her as she tried to plead her case for the third time.

“The only knowledge I know is what they told me, Your Highness. I couldn’t even tell you who rules Plegia.” Robin said, eyes training on the prince hoping wishing he would trust her.

“M’lord, I’m not sure we can trust her.” The man in behind once again spoke.

“We must at least hear her out Frederick.” Chrom said. Frederick gave a look to the prince which made him shake his head. “So, I’m sure you can tell us your name.” He gave a heartwarming smile.

“I’m Robin.”

“And I’m Chrom, although I’m sure you already knew.” He gave out a nervous laugh, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “Well, Robin, why don’t you tell me what you know.” Robin looked at him, searching for something that would make her believe he was trying to make her feel better. Have her think that he was lying, but he wasn’t. He seemed, eager, in a way to hear her out.

“Well… from what the family told me, this is Ylisse. There’s a small army called that The Shepherds lead by you and your younger sister. Looking after your country in a way that an actual army can’t. Also, that their town had been plagued by brigands from time to time… That’s, that’s all I know.” Robin said softly, tired of pleading for her life. It was silent for a heartbeat, she saw Chrom nod before Frederick spoke up.

“I do not think she’s telling the entire truth Milord.” The hope she held was all gone. She turned away from them, not wanting to see their faces anymore. She felt her body grow hot from the shame of her actually believing it would work this time.

“Frederick, what if she’s actually telling the truth?” Chrom said, his armour making noise as he turned quickly to face his friend.

“Prince Chrom, do not be naïve.” Phila this time, said something. “These spies will tell you anything to get you to believe them.” Robin’s hand gripped the chain holding her tightly. It was silent. She didn’t know why or cared, she wanted them gone.

“I see.” Chrom said and it broke her to a million pieces to hear it. “I’ll tell Emm my decision tomorrow morning.”

“Are you sure you need that much time Milord?” Phila asked, clearly convinced Robin was a spy.

“Yes, now, there’s still much to do with Shepherds. Did you hear about what happened?” Chrom said, starting to walk his way to exit the dungeon. Their voices echoed against the hallways. When, and only when she was sure that no one would appear. No one would dare walk down those stairs, she let out a yell.

Her chest felt heavy and it hurt. She felt a lump in her throat as she tried not to cry, she pulled once again at the chains harshly. Tears fell down her face like a waterfall as she tried to do something against the chains. She would rot down here before she’d let them take her. Again, the words repeated in her minds, over and over and over and over and over and over again.

I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent, I’m innocent—

I am notguilty.

She collapsed against the wall. Wrists bruised and bloodied, just like her hands. Her body shook with her sobs. Why wouldn’t anyone believe her? Why would they have forsaken her like this? What had she done to deserve this? But then again, who would believe the sobbing amnesiac against the wall screaming for their innocence.

‘’’’’’’’’’’’’

A midnight blue haired man who had met her only hours ago showed up once more. After the terrible sobs had passed, however she was in no mood to deal with him.

“Ah, Robin! Are you still awake?” Chrom called out, holding a torch closer to the bars to see further inside the cell. He could see her curled up in ball by the corner of her cell. He frowned at the sight. Her white hair that had been pulled back into a ponytail was sprawled along her shoulders and back. Her thick coat tightly wrapped around her. “Robin?”

“If you are here to listen and only to mock me, leave. I am in no mood to deal with anyone.” It was harsh, she knew but had, had enough of being treated the way she had been.

“I’m not going anywhere.” Chrom’s voice carried through the cell, surprising her.

“Why? Why stay? You’re just going to tell me my stories a lie, all made upbecause I’ma Plegian spy!!”Robin growled out in frustration. There was a sad look on Chrom’s face. It was clear to see that Robin was angry, rightfully so. A question he asked himself earlier that day, why would someone guilty be so frustrated that they don’t believe them? Why would they give up trying to make people understand? Would a guilty person be as passionate as an innocent one?

“Because,” Chrom stressed, bending to his knees. “I am not like them. I’ve never seen anyone like you before, and there’s something about you. You’ve said the same thing multiple times already and to be shot down again and again will be frustrating.” Robin looked from her boots the prince, eyes still a bit puffy from the crying.

“What if it’s all an act?” Robin shot back, eyes as hard as steel. “You don’t know me.Idon’t even know me.”

“That’s not true. I’m sure you are so much more than a woman doomed to stay in the rotting cells below the castle.” Chrom said softly. His eyes seeing, taking in the poor condition she was in. “The young maiden that had given you lunch? I talked to her, she told me what went on between you two. You’re not a Plegian spy. You can’t be.” Robin relaxed, her tight grip on the thick jacket she wore loosened. Her feet slide out from underneath her.

“How can I trust you?” Robin asked, feeling soso small. Eyes wide and filled with vulnerability. There was a sense of relief, but she knew she wasn’t completely free. She felt she could never truly be. 3 days, she thought, 3 days and I feel condemned to death.

“A question I should ask you as well.” Chrom said chuckling. He gave Robin a warm smile, eyes sparkling. “Can I trust you, Robin?” Robin looked at Chrom for a moment. Taking the man in, he didn’t seem that old, in fact he must be quite young. Early twenties, at least. However, he spoke as if he was a veteran knight. He was a knight in shining armour, literally in this sense.

“Yes.” She spoke, staring at him in the eyes, never wavering. She could see the emotions in his eyes. Brightening in her response, sparkling in the fire light as he spoke.

“Good, then I have a request.” Chrom said, arm reaching through the rusted bars, palm stretched out. “Join the Shepherds. Fight at my side and serve with Ylisse. Prove my sister, the knights, the maids and others that you can be trusted.”

“And if they don’t?” Chrom smiled.

“If they don’t, it doesn’t matter. I’ll be here for you, Robin. Let’s get your memories back.” The way Chrom said his words with ease. Like, he was the moon that beckoned the tide to follow. Robin was amazed, she was shocked, surprised. He believed her, he truly did. She shifted, legs moving to stand but she hesitates.

“Would I be chained at your side? Locked and shackled like a prisoner and forced to fight for you?” Robin said, holding a hard glare at the prince. The offer couldn’t be what it seemed. Chrom faltered hearing her words, his face forming a frown.

“I would never…!” Chrom stood from where was, arm going back to his side. Robin stood as well, taking a defensive stance. He looked hurt at the suggestion of her being chained to his side. “You would stand beside me, my equal. Not chained by the ankle and forced to followme.” He was disgusted by the mention of her being chained. “You’re a human being, not some wild beast who can’t hold its bloodlust.”

Chrom defended his position hotly, upset at the mere mention of Robin being dragged around like a doll. It was clear Robin was a person his eyes, and she didn’t quite know how to respond to this. His eyes were filled with a defensive light, his grip on the torch just a bit tighter. He stared her down, waiting for a response but he became too impatient.

“I may be too trusting, or naïve, I know. Trusting a random stranger, but I know I can trust you Robin. Show me, my sister, the knights and everyone you have something to prove.” Chrom said angrily. He paused before sighing. “Don’t you want to be given at least a chance?” He was right, a chance is better than none.

Robin walked forward towards the cell doors. Chains dragging on the floor, as she walked and lifted her hand towards Chrom. A tug on the edge of her lips as she could see Chrom’s eyes softening just a little.

“I understand. Then, if you’ll have me.” Chrom’s hand quickly clasped over her own. Shaking it firmly before letting go.

“Perfect. Now, we have to get you out before Frederick finds out I’ve left.” Chrom said searching the cell key on his body. Confusion filled Robin.

“You left? Left what?” Robin asked. He made a sound of accomplishment as he found the key.

“There’s a council meeting,” Chrom spoke as he unlocked the cell door. Quickly opening it and coming in to unlock the shackles on her wrists. “it was going to start in 30 minutes, and I thought it was the perfect time to see you. Frederick keeps a good eye on my door so, sneaking out would have been trouble.” The shackles fell to the ground revealing the bruised wrists. Robin’s hands quickly put her hands over them, soothing them the best she could. “I’ll get Lissa to look at your wrists, promise, but for now, come with me. Join me in the council meeting, I’m sure we could use another brain in there.” Robin’s eyes went wide at the suggestion.

“Oh, but Prince Chrom, I couldn’t–“

“Please, no need with the formalities, and Robin, I’m sure your voice will be heard. I’ll make sure.” Chrom said giving a warm smile. “Let’s go.”

The two left the cells and travelled through the hallways. Winding staircases and some more hallways, passing a garden and one familiar hallway before reaching the desired room. The torch left abandoned at the edge of the dungeons when they had reached the exit, it would have been odd seeing the prince with a torch in hand. Chrom gave an encouraging smile to Robin, whom, in turn just gave a nervous one before he opened the doors. Just on time, were the words on his lips as everyone turned to look at him. The room was filled, Phila, The Exalt and even Frederick were some and the only faces she recognized. There was another girl with blonde curly pigtails, the sunny yellow dress. The reactions were at first welcoming before they spotted Robin just behind Chrom. Phila had called for the guards to seize her, but The Exalt stopped her.

“Let us trust Chrom, I’m sure he has a perfectly good reason releasing Robin.” Her gentle tone and smile, warmed Robin.

“Thank you, sister. Now, where was everyone?” Chrom asked. Body in front of a map of Ylisse, Plegia and the border with Regna Ferox. Robin came in beside him, a bit hesitant but gives some distance between her and the prince. Frederick’s glare made sure of that. Her eyes glued to the map, as everyone talked.

“We were talking about Risen, Milord. From where they seemed to appear from the southwest, there have been some reports of them being seen from the east of Ylissetol.” Frederick informed the two of them, the conversation flowing easily afterwards.

“Another threat, now?” Chrom said, worried. The small girl in pigtails sighed.

“We won’t be able to catch our breath at all if the Risen spread though.” The girl spoke, getting The Exalt and Phila to nod in agreement.

“You’re right Lissa. Which means, you and Chrom should head over to Regna Ferox, get the Khan to send troops to help us keep the Risen away from our people and theirs.” The Exalt said, already set on her decision.

“Are you sure, Emm?” Chrom said, concern filling his voice. That was when Robin spoke up.

“It’s not a bad idea. The Exalt leaving the capital suddenly off to see the Khan in Regna Ferox would bring a sense of fear to your people. Having you and your sister go in her stead would leave her more open to protect the capital, in case something was to happen.” Robin held her breath as they all looked at her. “And I’m sure the Pegasus knights are capable to protect the Exalt.” There was a heavy silence in the room after she spoke. She would be lying if it didn’t make her nervous. She wondered if everyone forgot that she was actually in the room. Then she saw the Exalt give her a warm smile.

“Thank you, Robin.” The Exalt said, soon saying her goodbyes and leaving the room but not before advising her siblings to move as quick as they can.

“So, you’re Robin.” Lissa spoke up, walking around the table before clasping her hand and shaking it. “I’m Lissa, Chrom’s younger sister.” Robin gave a light smile, introducing herself once more but in a more comfortable manner.

“Pleasure to meet you, Lissa.” Robin felt comfortably at ease in their presence, well, not exactly. She could feel Frederick’s stare from across the table.

“An expedition, Milord?” Frederick spoke, eyes wary of the stranger in the room.

“Yes, we’ll have to figure how many are going with us, then, figure out the fastest route to Regna Ferox.” Chrom said, eyes looking at the map in a tense concentration. “What if we took the path from the north and then took the path here.” Chrom pointed to the path he mentioned.

“That would work for a small scout group.” Robin said, eyes trained on the map. She made her way closer to the map. “If you had a larger group, taking this… path here, would do the trick.” Her fingers traced the along the map. “And if you had a smaller group, taking these roads here would make for faster travel but we may run into some brigands. It is a travelling road, merchants most likely take this road so there’s a possibility.”

When she finished speaking, there was a mild surprised look on Frederick’s face. Chrom’s eyes were absolutely sparkling as Lissa’s eyes were wide.

“Robin, what do you think of being the tactician of The Shepherd’s?” Chrom said excitedly, Robin was surprised with the offer, but she gave him a kind smile.

“If you’ll have me.” Robin thought, when she was down in that cell, she would not be out walking beside the prince and princess towards Regna Ferox with some of the Shepherds. It felt like a dream to feel the wind on her face and the welcoming conversations from the rest of them. She could get used to this, and so much more. She couldn’t wait to see what the future held for her.

[ubertastic-writing]

warm hands feeling for mine

Fandom: Fire Emblem: Awakening

Pairing: LuciSev

Summary: Two weeks. Lucina has two weeks until she's officially crowned heir to the halidom; two weeks to convince Severa to come back to Ylisstol with her.

Outside Links: AO3

Notes: i heard tumblr is being wonky about embedded links these days, so i went back and forth about including the link here, but the formatting is better on ao3 so what are you going to do

warning: this is a long one

14.

“Stand a little straighter, please, Your Highness.”

Lucina complies immediately, wincing slightly when an errant pin glances her skin on its way through the fabric. There’s a stiffness in her back, no doubt from having to stand at attention for what must be over an hour in these heavy coming-of-age robes.

“One final touch,” the tailor tells her, before draping a weighty cape over her shoulders. “There. What do you think?”

Lucina turns toward the mirror hesitantly, the sheer weight of her outfit making her unsteady. The clothes are extravagant, surely befitting a princess coming of age in just over two weeks. Waves of blue silk trimmed in gold, under a cloak of rich red velvet and speckled fur. It reminds her of something her grandfather would have worn.

She hates it.

“Well?” the tailor presses, clearly eager for an answer. Lucina glances from the beady man to where Frederick had been standing off to the side, going through an itinerary of things to do before next week’s ceremony, to find him eyeing her patiently.

“It’s…” she starts, unsure of how to describe her distaste for the ensemble in a way that won’t require Aunt Emmeryn to patch up a spoiled relationship with the tailor.

Naga must be smiling on her, though, because as she wracks her brain, the door pushes open, distracting all three people in the room.

“This is a private fitting,” Frederick says, before the door has fully opened, but the interrupter continues anyway.

It’s Severa. Naga must truly be on Lucina’s side today.

“Sorry to interrupt, sir,” Severa says, waving a crumpled piece of parchment, “but I was sent with an urgent missive from the pegasus commanders.”

Frederick looks conflicted at letting his earlier no-entry policy go but waves her in nonetheless. “If you can spare the time, I’ll prepare a response to send back. It will just be a moment.”

Nodding stiffly, Severa crosses her arms and stands awkwardly in the middle of the room, apparently avoiding the eyes of both Lucina and the tailor.

“Severa,” Lucina calls, “what do you think?” Severa glances sidelong at her, and Lucina does as much of a spin as she can in the heavy clothes. “For the ceremony at the end of the month.”

The motion is subtle, but Severa turns to get a better look, eyes darting up and down Lucina’s outfit.

“It’s not really your style,” she says without missing a beat, turning back almost dismissively. “Especially that cape. It looks like you robbed the envoy from Rosanne.”

Lucina presses a fist, rescued from the layers and layers of fabric, against her lips to stifle her chuckle, but the tailor find the comments far less humorous.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about!” he cuts in, rounding on Severa. “These are the traditional clothes for Ylissean royals coming of age! The cape in particular has a long history in the royal family! Who are you to be passing judgment?”

“Look, bud,” Severa starts, bristling, “Her Highness asked for an opinion, and I gave it--”

Lucina cuts her off with a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you, Severa. I did ask for her opinion,” she tells the tailor, “and I appreciate the work you’ve done for the upcoming ceremony, but I find I agree with her.”

The tailor looks incredulous and indignant, so Lucina continues before he can protest. “The cape is beautiful, truly, but I believe I might be too restrained to fully appreciate it. Perhaps something simpler might be more suitable.”

“That may be a fair point,” the tailor concedes, considerably less put out than he had been moments before. “Maybe I didn’t see it before, that such extravagant clothing will only distract from Your Highness’s natural beauty.”

That’s not quite what Lucina was going for, but as long as he’s not upset. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Of course, Your Highness,” the tailor says, bowing deeply. “Between the two of us, however, I might recommend that you find company that is also… more suitable.”

Severa flushes an angry red, and Lucina opens her mouth to respond, but before she has a chance to say anything, Frederick reappears.

“Thank you for waiting, Severa. Here is my answer,” he tells her, handing her a small piece of parchment, folded and sealed with wax.

“Thank you, sir,” she says, taking the note from her father and bowing at the waist. She casts one last look around the room, catching Lucina’s eye briefly, before spinning on her heel and leaving.

For the rest of the fitting, Lucina finds herself watching the door, despite herself.

--

13.

There’s an odd, otherworldly stillness about the castle chapel. It seems to disturb most people Lucina knows, her own sister included, so Lucina goes there whenever she needs to be alone.

And she has never felt the desire to be alone more so than following the meeting with Frederick, Phila, and half the court about the approaching ceremony. She knows these meetings are important; there’s a good deal of ritual to the ceremony that she must memorise and practice until it becomes second nature, but also a fair amount of politics, and it is as much her duty as it is Frederick and Phila’s to ensure each of the noble families is attended to.

Which unfortunately means having young lords and ladies sent to the capitol by their parents vying for her attention every moment she’s available. Here in the chapel, however, Lucina can find sanctuary, brief as it may be, in the silence pervading the small hall.

Kneeling before the altar at the front of the room, Lucina bows her head and begins to recite a prayer under her breath. In less than two weeks, during the day-long coming-of-age ceremony, Lucina will do this very same thing with her family and a select group of clergy and nobles watching her. She tries not to think of how the scenario will play out -- the head priest dripping holy water over her head and circling her bowed body with a thurible as incense pours out -- and instead focuses on the words she has for Naga now.

The sound of wood scraping against stone as the door at the back of the chapel open easily breaks Lucina out of her thoughts, both pious and not. Jerking back to her feet, she spins towards the intrusion and is surprised to find Severa staring shocked back at her.

“My apologies, Your Highness,” Severa says in lieu of a greeting, the words echoing in the mostly empty room, “I didn’t realize you were in here.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, Severa,” Lucina responds, self-consciously straightening her clothes as though she’s been caught in some mischievous act instead of praying. “The chapel is open to anyone in the castle. Are you here to perform your daily rites?”

Severa nods stiffly. “The altar in the cadet dorms gets so crowded after everyone’s finished the morning duties. And with the ceremony coming up, they don’t leave after their done, like reciting their rites more than once is going to prepare them any more for the ceremony.”

“Why don’t more of them come here, then?”

“They probably like having the commanders see how devoted they are,” Severa says with a dismissive shrug. “One of the cadets started a rumor that the commanders might not take everyone who passes the initiation, so they’re all trying to brown-nose themselves a spot. And they all think I’m guaranteed to get in, even if I don’t deserve it, so they wouldn’t listen to me even if I tried to correct them.

“It’s just easier to come here and avoid all of that,” Severa finishes.

“Get away from it all, if only for a moment,” Lucina agrees. She motions towards the altar and gets back into the position she was in before Severa interrupted her, a few inches to the side this time. “By all means, don’t let me get in your way.”

Severa hesitantly kneels besides her and clasps her hands. “This feels strange with someone else around. I’m used to doing this by myself,” she mutters, just loud enough for Lucina beside her to hear.

“You, too?” Lucina asks, making Severa look vaguely like she was caught doing something wrong. “I often come to this chapel to get some time alone and say my prayers. How come we’ve never run into each other here before?”

“I usually come late in the evening, when I think no one will be around,” Severa admits.

“What do you normally do after your morning duties, then?”

Severa drops her clasped hands and sits back on her heels, picking at the hem of her tunic. “The pegasus commanders like to use me as a go-between to my parents. I spend most of my time delivering missives.”

“That certainly explains yesterday. Speaking of which, I haven’t had the chance to thank you for that yet,” Lucina says.

“For what?” Severa asks, eyeing Lucina cautiously.

“I was in quite the bind when you interrupted the fitting. Your appearance was nothing short of a miracle.”

Severa looks skeptical. “Was it now?”

“Truly,” Lucina tells her. “You’ve always had a knack for helping me through difficult situations.”

“From where I was standing, you were the one getting the both of us out of that situation,” Severa shoots back.

Lucina laughs, the sound reverberating against the chapel’s stone walls. “On the contrary, I was struggling to let the tailor know how I felt about the clothes he had put me in until you arrived. It’s because of moments like those that I find myself wishing you were with me during my daily tasks. Perhaps then I would have the strength to speak my mind more often.”

Severa gives her an unsteady look, as though she’s unsure whether or not she should be taking Lucina seriously.

“Of course, I’m sure you’re already busy enough with your own schedule to be accompanying me to boring meetings,” Lucina backtracks.

“I’m not sure if I could handle more court types, if yesterday was any indication,” Severa says, though she looks relieved by Lucina’s backpedaling.

Lucina finds it strangely disappointing.

“Nonsense,” Lucina says instead, choosing to keep the stirring in her chest to herself. “Dealing with nobles is mostly about knowing the rules of engagement and sticking to it. It’s like following set of instructions.”

“I don’t recall getting any instructions for you.”

The laugh that bubbles out of Lucina seems to shock them both, the sound reverberating against the chapel’s walls. “Would you like me to provide some?” Lucina asks. “Although, I never realized I was that difficult to figure out.”

Severa smiles wryly, shaking her head. “With all do respect, Your Highness, you’re the biggest mystery I’ve ever met.”

Lucina isn’t quite sure what to say to that, but even if she did, she wouldn’t have had a chance to. Not a second later, the chapel doors open, breaking whatever spell had come over the two of them and reminding them of the world beyond the altar.

“Your Highness, there you are. You’re going to be late to your meeting with Lord Belfrey,” Frederick says in lieu of a greeting. And then he seems to notice his daughter’s presence with Lucina. “Ah, Severa, the pegasus commanders were wondering where you had gotten to. Report back at once.”

Severa stands immediately. “Of course, sir,” she says, all of the earlier mirth gone from her voice. “Your Highness.”

For the second time in two days, Lucina watches Severa go, unable to stop her.

--

12.

As the days drag closer to the ceremony, Lucina finds sleep more and more elusive. After tossing and turning in her bed for what feels like hours, she shucks her covers and rolls to her feet.

A walk, she decides, slipping from her room, should dispel the restless energy that seems to have settled over her recently.

The castle has a haunting quality at night, her steps echoing off the stone floors and reverberating down the hallways, but the feeling of isolation in such a typically crowded space is as calming as it is unsettling. With the ceremony drawing ever closer, it seems Lucina is only free from the court’s ever-watchful eye at moments like this, in the dead of night.

Having long since memorized the guards’ routes from years of sneaking around as child, it’s easy for Lucina to slip out onto the grounds without encountering anyone. It might be her mother’s influence, but she finds herself drawn to the stables as soon as she’s free of the inner walls, as though spending some time with the animals might clear her mind. She’s about halfway there when she hears a noise coming from the pegasus cadets’ dorm a few yards away.

Making a beeline for the building, she spots a figure slip out one of the windows and run around the building towards the cadet stables. Lucina follows at a distance, slipping around the corner and peeking into the stables once she reaches the entrance.

“Severa?”

Severa jumps when she hears her name, sword clattering on the ground from where she had been strapping it to her saddle. “Naga, Your Highness,” Severa says, her shoulders dropping at the sight of Lucina, “you’ll scare a girl to death.”

“My apologies, Severa, I just…” Lucina looks from the saddled pegasus, bags already packed, to the sword still laying on the ground where it fell. “What are you doing?”

“What’s it look like I’m doing?” Severa asks, picking up her sword and reattaching it to the saddle. “I’m getting out of here.”

“Why? The pegasus knight commencement is in just over a week.”

“Exactly,” Severa says, scoffing. “Now’s my last chance to leave before I’m stuck here forever.”

“I don’t understand. You don’t want to be a knight?”

Severa pauses. “I guess I can see why you would think I did. I mean, both of my parents are so dedicated to the royal family, and everyone expected me to be just the same. I’ve never had a choice, so I’ve never had a chance to think about what I’ve actually wanted to do with my life.”

Lucina watches as Severa hands fidget with her saddle straps, waiting for her to continue. “But now… There’s no going back now, and the more I think about being trapped in this for the rest of my life, the less I can take it. This is my last chance to get out.”

A strained silence overtakes the stable, as Severa busies herself with her pegasus and Lucina watches unsure of what to say.

“You’re not going to tell on me, are you?” Severa asks after a few moments, looking at Lucina for the first time since Lucina walked in on her.

“No, no, of course not,” Lucina tells her. “I’m really in no position to stop you. If it’s alright with you, however, I do have one request.”

Severa eyes her warily but drops her hands from her things and turns to fully face Lucina all the same. “Fine. Even if I’m not a pegasus knight, you’re still my princess. What is it?”

Lucina’s sure she surprises them both with what she says next: “Take me with you.”

--

11.

By the time dawn breaks over the horizon, Lucina can feel tiredness pull at her eyelids. Slumping against Severa seated on the pegasus in front of her, her eyes slip closed as she gives into the steady rhythm of the pegasus’s gait and Severa’s warmth in front of her.

“Sorry, Your Highness,” Severa says, and Lucina jerks up, suddenly awake. “I don’t plan on riding through the night much, but we needed to get as much distance between us and the capitol as possible.”

“No, it’s alright, and you’ve nothing to apologize for,” Lucina tells her. “I’ve been finding it difficult to get to sleep recently, especially as my coming-of-age draws closer.”

“You, too, huh?” Severa asks, shooting Lucina a glance over her shoulder. “You’re welcome to get some sleep now, if you’re able to, Your Highness--”

“Lucina,” Lucina cuts in, blushing slightly, when Severa sends her a confused look. “We’ll be caught quite easily if you call me ‘Your Highness’. You should start using my name.”

Severa is quiet for a few moments as she considers it. “You’re right,” she says with a sigh. “It’s going to feel weird since respect for the royal family has been beat into me since before I could walk, but…” She pauses again, face pulled into a frown. “In fact, we might want to use a nickname. Naga knows everyone in the halidom knows what the crown princess’s name is, and I’m not particularly interested in getting arrested for kidnapping you. How does ‘Luci’ sound to you?”

Hearing the nickname pass through Severa’s lips makes Lucina feel hot under her ears, but she finds she likes the feeling. “That works with me,” she says, settling against Severa’s back again. “Are you sure this is alright?”

“I’m dragging you to Naga knows where in the middle of the night,” Severa says, huffing slightly. “The least I can do is let you get some sleep.”

That doesn’t quite address the question Lucina was asking, and she suspects Severa knows that as well, but the vibrations gently rumbling through Severa’s back as she spoke are just what Lucina needed to lull into a sleepy haze too thick to argue.

When she wakes, it’s to the morning sun beating down on them from overhead.

“How long was I asleep?” she asks, voice scratchy and slurring.

Severa throws her a glance over her shoulder. “A couple hours. It’s a good thing you’re up. There’s a town ahead I want to stop in, and I would have hated to be the one to wake you.”

Lucina chuckles a little at that, stretching her back. “Is there anything I should know about this town before we arrive?”

“Not really. It’s far enough away from Ylisstol that people have no reason to suspect that we came from there,” Severa says, “and it’s one of the first major market towns outside of the capitol, so they should get enough strange traffic that we’ll blend right in.”

“Any chance of people recognizing us?”

“Not me,” Severa answers with a scoff. “But you, maybe. We can try to do something about your hair, and if that’s not good enough, I’ve got a cloak in one of my saddlebags that you can put on.”

The town appears on the horizon just as they finish planning their arrival, so Severa steers her pegasus off the road and behind a nearby tree. Hoping off, she offers a hand to help Lucina down.

“Right,” Severa says once they’ve got both their feet on the ground. “Any preferences?”

“I’ll leave it to you,” Lucina tells her.

Severa directs Lucina to sit on the ground and positions herself behind. “Just a moment,” she says, parting Lucina’s hair into two large sections.

Lucina closes her eyes, letting the feeling of Severa’s hands working her hair wash over her. It’s been a long time since Lucina’s had someone do her hair so gently; she used to revel in it as a child, when Aunt Lissa would help her brush her hair before bed or place her in her lap and give her pigtails not unlike the ones Aunt Lissa herself wore in her youth.

But as a growing heir-apparent, it soon became obvious that appearances meant as much as skill or talent in court, and Lucina found herself at the mercy of royal hair stylists pulling and prodding at her hair like a wild animal to be tamed.

“Alright, all finished,” Severa says, after a few moments of bliss. Lucina blinks her eyes open, a bit disappointed it ended so soon. “I don’t have a mirror, believe it or not, so I can’t show you the finished product. But I’d be surprised if anyone recognizes you like this.”

Lucina runs a tentative hand across her hair, worried about ruining Severa’s work, only to find it end just below her ears. “How…?”

“I just tucked the longer bits up underneath the shorter bits. It’s easier than it sounds,” Severa tells her with a shrug.

“Don’t sell yourself short, Severa.” Lucina says, fingers playing with the short strands hiding the rest of her hair. “This is amazing work.”

Severa flushes slightly and looks away, heading back to the pegasus. “Well, shall we?”

Town is a only a short ride from where they stopped, and Severa wastes no time directing them where the traffic seems the thickest. More than a few bystanders gawk at the pegasus as it passes by, but none stop them or even seem to pay attention to the pegasus’s riders.

They find an inn shortly after arriving at the town center, Severa steering her pegasus up to the hitching post in front.

“Wait here,” she tells Lucina, dropping down from the saddle. “I’m going to see if there’s a stable before we stop here for real.”

Lucina dismounts as well once Severa’s slipped through the inn doors, choosing to stretch her legs and give the pegasus some relief from its load in case they have to search for another inn. Tightly wrapping a hand in the reins -- just in case -- she takes a moment to survey the town.

It must be late morning by now, given how many people are milling about on the streets, making the most of their day at the market just a few meters further down the road. Lucina watches the crowds with interest, her free hand idly running through the pegasus’s mane.

In the rare moments she ventured out into Ylisstol in her childhood, she had always been surrounded by a retinue of guards, and the townspeople would stare as their princess went by. Now, with Severa’s cloak covering her royal garb and her hair unrecognizable, the odd bystander only pays her any mind because of the pure white mount beside her.

It’s a refreshing change.

“We’re in luck,” Severa’s voice breaks her out of her reverie, and Lucina turns to find her approaching with stout man following. “There’s a stable out back.”

The man -- who Lucina can only assume is the innkeeper -- leads them through an alley to the stable. There’s a large lock on the front door, and the innkeeper pulls a large ring of keys from his belt to unlock it.

“Not too often we get a pegasus around these parts,” he says, flicking through key after key. “You two from the capitol?”

“Originally,” Severa answers for both of them, “but our journey hasn’t taken us there in quite awhile.”

The innkeeper grunts, a noise of understanding at being away from home. “Well, you should try to head back sometime next week. The princess is coming of age, and by all accounts, she’s the prettiest royal we’ve had in generations. People around here can’t wait for the royal procession.”

Severa shoots Lucina an unreadable look. “Is that so? Maybe we’ll have to make a detour, then,” she says, gaze fixed on Lucina as though waiting for her reaction.

“I’m sure the princess can’t be that pretty,” Lucina says in protest, challenging Severa to react first. “In fact, I’d venture a guess and say she’s not too different from you or me.”

“No, I’m sure the princess is beautiful -- beautiful enough to be picked out of a crowd in commoner’s clothes,” the innkeeper says, finally fitting the correct key in the lock. Behind him, Severa shoots Lucina a smirk, and Lucina isn’t sure if she should consider that her victory or not. “Royals have this air about them, don’t they? Since they were blessed by Naga and all.”

With the stable door finally open, Lucina and Severa lead the pegasus into the first open stall and undress the mount. Once they’re finished, they meet the innkeeper outside and wait for him to relock the door.

“You know, I’ve met the princess before,” Severa says after a moment, and Lucina nearly groans at the topic being revived. The innkeeper, however, gives her a look of extreme interest, as though no other topic could possibly be more important at the moment. “She’s prettier than her father, that’s for sure. More poised, too.”

The innkeeper lets out a hearty laugh. “Consider yourself lucky then, girl. Most of us would die for just a glimpse of the royal family. To meet the princess must be the highest honor common folk like us could ask for.”

“It sure is something,” Severa agrees, catching Lucina’s eye with an indecipherable look.

Finished with the stables, Lucina and Severa circle back to the inn and find themselves a small table near the back, away from anyone who might look at them too hard. Once they’ve put in their orders with the innkeep, Severa pulls a map from her bags.

“The plan is to continue heading north from here,” she says tracing the route with a finger. “Regna Ferox has a lot of mercenary work available. Anyone passable with a sword can live comfortably, and those with skill have opportunities unlike anything you’d find in Ylisse.”

Lucina studies the map, taking note of the various towns and trading outposts marked on the way. “How long is the trip?”

“If we rode the whole way, ten days,” Severa explains. “We could get there in half that time if we flew, but I want to make sure we’re a good distance from the capitol before we take to the skies.”

“That’s just the right amount of time,” Lucina muses under her breath.

“For what?”

“Until the ceremony. A week and a half.”

Severa gives Lucina a hard stare, as if she’s expecting Lucina to buckle, but Lucina just matches it.

“By that time, we’ll be out of the country, and even if they wanted to keep looking for us, their hands would be tied,” Severa says, breaking the impromptu staring contest to fold up the map and place it back in her pack.

“You’ve really planned this all out, haven’t you?”

Scoffing and looking out towards the rest of the tavern, Severa sits back in her chair and crosses her arms. “Surely you don’t think the only thing I’ve done these past few weeks is pray and play messenger.”

“No, I’m just,” Lucina stops herself and studies the girl across from her. “I don’t know how I missed how dissatisfied you were at the castle. It feels like I’ve failed you.”

Severa’s gaze jerks back to Lucina sharply. “Why are you blaming yourself? It’s my problem, and you have your own stuff to deal with.”

“Maybe,” Lucina agrees, smiling wryly, “but I consider you a dear friend, and as heir to the throne, it is at least partially my responsibility to make sure my people are happy. I hate to think that you felt so suffocated that you decided your only option was to flee the country.”

“Stop being so damn noble,” Severa says, though if Lucina’s not imagining things, she hears a hint of affection in Severa’s voice. “You can’t be personally responsible for every person in the country’s happiness.”

“No? Well I’ll just settle for yours, then, if that’s possible.”

Severa flushes a bright red and looks away, huffing. “Nice try, Luci. But I’m not that easy to please.”

Lucina hums, considering it. “I guess I’ll have to keep trying then.”

Severa shakes her head, muttering something about Lucina being “too much” under her breath. Lucina’s denied a chance to respond, however, when the innkeep returns with their food right then. They take their meal in silence, something Lucina perhaps should not be surprised by given how little time it took to plan the rest of their journey. Severa in particularly seems intent to finish her meal as quickly as possible and get back out on the road.

Once they’re done, Severa pulls out enough gold to cover the food plus a little extra for the time in the stable. “I’ll grab Luna and meet you outside, alright? We’re still pretty close to the capitol, so I don’t want to linger here.”

The innkeep seems much less eager to chat now that his business is full of patrons for the lunch hour, but he gives them both a jovial smile as he walks Severa and her pegasus back around the front of the building, making them promise one last time not to miss the coming-of-age ceremony.

Severa takes a few moments to make sure the saddle is probably fitted and the bags properly secured before mounting, offering a hand to Lucina as soon as she’s up. “It should be awhile before we reach the next town, but we should get there before sundown. You ready?”

Lucina wraps her arms around Severa’s waist, settling into the saddle. “After you.”

--

10.

It’s about midday when they come across a stream running along the road, and Severa pulls her pegasus off the road to take a short break near it.

It’s an idyllic scene if Lucina’s ever seen one, the mid afternoon light reflecting off the water and the shade from the nearby trees bringing out the green of grass on the stream’s banks. For a moment, Lucina regrets that they’ll have to move from this spot when it’s so peaceful here.

“Not a bad spot for a break, huh?” Severa says, apparently having caught Lucina staring.

“Yes, it’s beautiful here.”

“Ylisse is a beautiful country,” Severa agrees, sitting down under the shade from one of the trees. “We’ve lived here seventeen years. It’s a pity we’re only getting the chance to see it like this now.”

Lucina joins Severa on the ground, watching as Luna dips her snout into the stream to take a drink. “Better late than never, I suppose. And perhaps we’ll have plenty of chances in the future.”

“You think so?” Severa asks. She looks almost wistful at the suggestion, as though it’s something she’s only let herself consider in the most fleeting daydreams.

“We’re almost adults,” Lucina says. “Running away aside, they couldn’t keep us cooped up in the castle for the rest of our lives.”

Severa stares out across the water, gaze hard though she doesn’t appear to be looking at anything in particular. “Maybe not,” she says, sounding less than sure of her own response, “but even then, how many moments like this would we get?”

Lucina closes her eyes and lets a cool, spring breeze blow over her. Opening her eyes, she glances at Severa next to her, red hair standing out against the green and brown around them, and the feeling that this moment is something she wouldn’t trade for anything in the world wells up in her, strong and sudden.

“Not enough,” she says, when she finally finds the voice to speak.

Severa turns her head just slightly and catches her eye, and seems to understand exactly what she means. But, she pushes off the ground to stand regardless, brushing herself off.

“It’s about time we got back on the road. We’ve lingered here long enough.”

Lucina stands too, sad to find the moment over. “It’s a pity we couldn’t stay here longer,” she says.

Severa looks out over the water, hesitating before shaking her head. “If only,” she says with a sigh, and Lucina knows she’s talking about more than just their break by the stream, but what else, she can’t be sure.

But then Severa’s turning to her and sending her a small grin. “Shall we?”

Lucina just returns the grin with a tight smile of her own. “Of course. Ready when you are.”

--

9.

The market in the next town they stop in is bustling and lively, and Lucina and Severa blend in perfectly with the activity despite the novelty of their mount. Severa leads them through the streets, one hand tightly wrapped in Luna’s reigns, the other clutching one of Lucina’s.

Lucina follows along, keeping Severa’s cloak tight around her clothes and trying not to think too hard about the feeling of Severa’s hand in hers.

It doesn’t take long for them to find the stall they were looking for: a grain seller to replenish the quickly depleting supply of oats Severa had brought for Luna. As they approach the stall, Severa drops Lucina’s hand to dig around her belt, pulling a few gold coins free of their pouch and placing them into a different pouch on her hip.

“Here,” she says, pressing the coin bag into Lucina’s chest. “Go through some of the fruit sellers and see if you can grab something for tomorrow morning. I’ll deal with things here.”

Lucina nods her agreement, clutching the coin bag tightly and walking off in the direction of the food stalls. On the way, however, a woman calls out to her from behind her collection of wares -- various trinkets and small bits of jewelry.

“You there!” she says, grinning broadly as her bright red hair glints in the midafternoon sun. “Your mount is beautiful. Are you a pegasus knight?”

“Thank you,” Lucina replies, eyeing the woman cautiously. “My companion is.”

The merchant nods vigorously, as though she’s piecing everything together. “You sound like you’re from the capitol,” she tells her. “That would certainly explain how two beautiful strangers such as yourselves ended up in our little town.”

Lucina isn’t sure how to respond to such a comment, so she just smiles politely.

“You two are awfully far from the capitol, though,” the merchant continues. “Why, I’d say you’re nearly halfway to Ferox!”

“We’re making a voyage north,” Lucina says, idly picking up some of her wares and inspecting them. In Ylisstol, a merchant like this would primarily cater to visitors -- foreign envoys or lords whose fiefs fall far from the capitol. Lucina wonders what kind of patronage this selection of wares would garner in a town of this size.

“A good time for it. The north is just starting to melt,” the merchant says before turning her head down the row of stalls. “Your companion,” she starts, drawing Lucina to follow her gaze and find Severa staring back at her with a hard look, “watches you with the most curious eyes. She seems quite protective of you.”

For some reason, Lucina feels hot under Severa’s watchful eye. “Yes, well you could say she’s been looking after me since we were young.”

“Childhood friends, eh?” the merchant says knowingly, though Lucina isn’t sure what there is to know. “That’s an unshakeable bond. You must have been overjoyed when she got into the pegasus knights.”

“Of course,” Lucina says automatically, before pausing, worrying the item in her hand as she thinks about Severa’s reaction to the impending pegasus knight commencement. “No, not quite,” she reconsiders. “I’m happy as long as she is. But I can’t help but worry that I’m losing her.”

That night she found Severa in the stable still weighs heavily in her mind, and an uneasiness rises in her chest thinking about it. “Perhaps it’s selfish of me.”

“It’s only selfish if she doesn’t want the same thing,” the merchant muses, and Lucina briefly wonders why she’s even talking about such matters with a stranger.

“I suppose that’s true,” Lucina agrees, setting the item down. “Thank you for your time, and I’m sorry to trouble you with such nonsense.”

The merchant waves dismissively. “No trouble at all. But tell me this, have you told her any of these things?”

“I’ll tell her if the time is right,” Lucina says. “Though if I’m being honest, I doubt these are things she would care to hear.”

“Who wouldn’t want to hear about how much someone cares for them?” the merchant asks, and Lucina feels warm at how thoroughly she was seen through -- by a stranger, no less.

“Do you talk to all your potential customers like this?” Lucina asks, scanning over the woman’s wares one last time. She spots a silver necklace with a small feather pendant wrought in metal, and despite herself, she picks it up.

“Only the ones who look particularly troubled,” the merchant tells her. “A gift for your companion?”

“Perhaps. If she’ll take it,” Lucina says, more to herself than the merchant.

“You have to try giving it to her to know that. Come, I’ll sell it to you half-off.”

Lucina smiles wryly. “I didn’t even know the starting price.”

“Lovelorn, beautiful, and quick,” the merchant chuckles. “That girl of yours should have jumped into your arms ages ago.”

“It’s not like that.”

“No?” the merchant asks. “So the two of you aren’t on a romantic trip north, unaccompanied despite your youth, right before the pegasus knight induction ceremony?”

“That’s-” Lucina starts, frowning. She sighs, gathering her thoughts. “I can see how you might draw that conclusion, but I can assure our relationship is strictly platonic.”

“For now,” the merchant says, winking. “Two gold for the necklace.”

Lucina runs her thumb over the pendant. It really is an intricate bit of metalwork -- something that would go for much more in the capitol despite its size. “There’s too much between us,” she says, pulling the two gold pieces out of her own coin pouch rather than the one Severa handed to her. “I’m afraid our relationship isn’t merely a question of our own wants or desires. Though even then, I can’t say for sure what she would want from me.”

The merchant accepts the gold and takes the necklace, placing into a small cloth bag for protection. “You’d be willing to give it -- whatever it is she wants -- wouldn’t you?” she asks, handing the purchase back to Lucina.

“I think you know the answer to that already,” Lucina says, placing the bag into one of the pockets on her belt. “Thank you for the conversation. It was… insightful.”

“You should tell her how you feel,” the merchant says, just as Lucina turns to leave. “You seem convinced a relationship between you two wouldn’t work out, but how will you know until you try? Surely there are some strings you can pull as the princess.”

Lucina looks around sharply for any indication that someone else heard that last comment, but the market goers continue to move around her, oblivious.

“How?”

“I travel a bit myself. My sisters and I run stores all across the country,” the merchant says with a lazy grin. “I happened to be in Ylisstol once when the royal family made an appearance in town. Exciting stuff.”

Lucina frowns, looking down the row of stalls to where Severa is intensely haggling with the grain seller.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone,” the merchant tells her. “Though by my calculation, you should be coming of age very soon. Is it alright that you’re not in the capitol right now?”

“This is something I have to do,” Lucina says, unable to stop herself from glancing back at Severa. “Even if I fail, I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hadn’t tried.”

The merchant follows her gaze and smiles knowingly. “I won’t pretend to understand the lives of those at court,” she says, “but I am a bit familiar with love. Some things are worth fighting for.”

“She is,” Lucina agrees.

Lucina leaves the stall with one last wish of luck from the merchant, mind swimming from the conversation, and makes her way to the nearest fruit stand. There Severa catches up with her, right as Lucina pays.

“You spent a lot of time at that one stall,” Severa mentions as they load Luna’s saddlebags with their purchases. “Pushy seller?”

“No,” Lucina says, the necklace in her belt pocket burning a hole in her hip. “I had a lovely conversation with her, actually.”

Severa gives her a skeptical look. “Really. And she didn’t try to sell you anything by the end of it?”

Lucina hums instead of answering directly. “I think those two matters are separate.”

“Uh huh. Well next time someone bothers you, you should let me know.”

“Of course,” Lucina says, waiting for Severa to mount Luna before she takes Severa’s offered hand up.

As they set off, Lucina curls into Severa’s back, her arms around Severa’s waist, and thinks about her conversation in the market. Things are surely not as simple as the merchant made it seem, but, with Severa’s warmth so close, Lucina can almost make herself believe it could be.

--

8.

“Hopefully we won’t have to rough it at night much longer after this, Your Highness,” Severa says, freeing her bed roll from the saddlebags.

“What did we say?” Lucina lightly scolds as she fills Luna’s oatbag with the grain they had bought in the market yesterday.

Severa mutters a curse under her breath. “Luci,” she corrects, forcefully. “Although there’s no one here to hear us, anyway.”

“It’s not about anyone hearing us,” Lucina explains, fitting the oatbag over Luna’s head and giving the pegasus a few affection pats once she’s done. “It’s about getting in the habit of it, so it won’t happen when there is someone around to hear us.”

Severa grumbles something Lucina can’t quite catch, but sighs and says, “Yeah, yeah, you’re right,” all the same.

“You used to have no problem calling me by my name,” Lucina says, joining Severa at the bed roll and helping her untie the tight knots holding it together.

“That isn’t fair. We were children then.”

“Well,” Lucina says, finally freeing a particularly stiff knot, “what changed?”

“You started doing princess-y things, and I became a pegasus cadet,” Severa says, gathering the free ropes to place in the saddlebags for safe keeping. “If either of my parents or any of the pegasus commanders caught me calling you anything besides your title, there would have been hell to pay.”

“Perhaps in public,” Lucina shoots back, grabbing one end of the bed roll and flicking her wrists to unroll it. “But we’ve had plenty of moments in private where the only one to offend by calling me by name is me, and I can assure you, I will never be offended by such a thing.”

Severa pauses, still bent over the saddlebags they had relieved from Luna moments ago. “Have we ever truly had a private moment before leaving the castle?” she asks, voice stiff as the line of her back. “It seemed to me any time we spent together was open to interruption by anyone who thought themselves more deserving of our time than each other. And that was nearly everyone in the castle.”

“I’ll be of age soon,” Lucina says. “Others won’t always get to decide for me how my time should be spent.”

“I wish I could believe that,” Severa mutters, just loud enough to be heard. She lets out a mirthless laugh, standing from the saddlebags and returning to the bed roll. “This conversation is going nowhere. We should just go to sleep.”

Lucina lays down, accepting the thin blanket Severa tosses over both of them, but she can’t shake the feeling that she needs to press the issue. Once she feels Severa settle in, back against hers, she speaks up: “Why did you want to leave Ylisstol?”

“I thought I told you already.”

“You told me that you didn’t choose the pegasus cadet life for yourself, and you couldn’t stand the thought of being trapped in that,” Lucina says, “but you did not explain why that is.”

A silence settles over them, thick and tense, and for a brief moment, Lucina regrets pressing the question.

But after a particularly pregnant pause Severa heaves a deep sigh. “I don’t,” she starts, cutting herself off and sighing again. She settles on, “My life was decided for me the moment I was born. With my parents being who they are, it’s no question that I would become a knight and serve the royal family just as they had.

“But just like their legacy is inescapable, their legacy is inescapable,” Severa explains, almost hissing the words. “Everyone expected me to born some kind of prodigy, and when that didn’t work out, they assumed I would get everywhere in life riding on my parents’ coattails. My own merits -- my own desires -- have never meant anything in Ylisstol. How can anyone live like that?”

Lucina finds herself momentarily speechless, taken aback by the full force of Severa’s frustration. When she finally gains the ability to speak again, the only words that work themselves out of her mouth are a stunned, “I have.”

Severa scoffs. “You’re different.”

“How so?”

“Because you’re perfect,” Severa says, as though it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “I bet you’ve never disappointed anyone in your entire life.”

Except for you, apparently, Lucina thinks, the words getting caught in her throat. Instead, she shakes her head and resists the urge to turn and face Severa. “I wish you had told me that you felt this way sooner. Perhaps-”

“‘Perhaps’, what? My parents would never have budged on their vision for my future,” Severa says, voice suddenly lifeless. “Not even the future exalt could change that.”

“Perhaps I could have been there for you,” Lucina finishes. “Someone to talk to. Someone to trust with your problems.”

Severa is quiet for a long moment at that -- so long Lucina worries that Severa has decided to ignore her entirely. But then, hesitantly, she mutters, “It’s not my place to saddle you with my problems.”

“I’m the one who decides that,” Lucina says, giving in and turning onto her other side, only to be greeted with Severa’s back, stiff as it was before. “Forget about rank and status for a moment, Severa. No matter what your parents, or my parents, or the people at court may have told you, we have known each other our whole lives, and I want to be a friend to you anytime you need one.”

“Why do you care?” Severa asks, still refusing to face Lucina. “Your sister isn’t half as kind to me, and I grew up with her, too.”

Lucina finds herself unable to give a voice to the feeling in her chest. “Do I need a reason?” she says instead.

Severa flops onto her back, the motion knocking a sigh out of her. “No. But maybe if I got one, I’d be able to understand you, finally.”

Lucina can’t stop the laugh that escapes her, the sound easing both the pressure in her chest and tension between her and Severa. “I’m still not sure what’s so hard to understand about me.”

“For starters, you could spend your time worrying about anyone, and yet you waste it worrying about your father’s retainer’s screw-up daughter.”

“I don’t understand why you’re so convinced you’re a failure,” Lucina says, laying a hand over one of Severa’s. “And even if you were, I don’t see how that should affect at all how much I care for you.”

“How do you not see it?” Severa scoffs. “Even if you don’t compare me to my parents, who excel at everything they do, I can hardly sharpen a blade without breaking the damn thing.”

“You’re looking at this the wrong way,” Lucina says, gripping the hand under hers. “Severa, your talents are not your parents’, nor should they be. You are your own person, with your own skills, your own merits, your own light. I only wish you could see that yourself.”

Severa sighs and looks at Lucina. “I wish I could see what you see.”

“If you give me a chance,” Lucina says, smiling when Severa intertwines their fingers, “perhaps I’ll be able to show you.”

--

7.

Something changes in their relationship after that night. Something Lucina can’t name, but something tangible and real all the same. She can feel it in the way that Severa’s gaze lingers on her longer than it used to, the way she snuggles closer when the night turns chill.

The feeling in her chest -- the one that Lucina refused to give voice to the night before -- grows. It grows and spreads into her hands, fingers itching to grasp Severa’s hips and pull her close. At times it feels as though she can barely contain it, her desire to be closer to Severa ready to burst at every passing glance, every time they brush against each other.

The sun is low in the sky when they dismount one last time for the day, untacking Luna and preparing for the night. They work in the stilted silence that followed them most of the day, as though breaking it would unleash something neither girl is ready to handle.

When they finally settle into the bed roll, Severa lies facing the forest, same as always. Lucina feels her edge back until their backs are flush together and tries to get her heart under control.

“Luci,” Severa finally says, haltingly, as though she wishes she could take the words back as soon as their out of her mouth, “you told me to ignore rank and status, right?”

“When we’re together, you shouldn’t worry about such things.” Lucina’s mouth feels uncomfortably dry.

Lucina can hear Severa shift behind her, and the next thing she knows, Severa is nudging her onto her back. “In that case, this should be fine,” Severa says, face clearly bright red even in the low light.

And then Severa leans down, slowly, and for the brief moment before their lips meet, Lucina’s mind goes totally blank.

The kiss itself is beyond anything Lucina could have ever imagined -- and she’s imagined it more than she lets herself admit. Severa’s lips are soft, almost tentative, as they move against Lucina’s, the languidness of the motion compelling Lucina to raise a hand to cup Severa’s cheek.

Severa, as though spurred by that, pushes in further. The kiss grows rougher as the seconds pass, Severa clearly having gotten over any hesitation she may have had about kissing the princess.

And then their teeth clack against each other, the shock of it jolting both of them away from each other.

“I’m sorry,” Severa says, sitting up with a hand over her mouth.

“No, don’t apologize,” Lucina insists, pushing up onto a single arm. “I liked it, except for that last part. But the rest was… nice.”

“‘Nice’?”

“Yes. If you wouldn’t be opposed,” Lucina says, reaching out with the arm not supporting her weight and grabbing a handful of Severa’s tunic, “I would like to continue.”

Severa leans over Lucina’s mostly prone form and licks her lips. “Continue, huh?” she asks, sounding as confident as she ever has. “And just what does that mean to you, Your Highness?”

Lucina chuckles at the term -- in this situation it sounds more like a term of endearment than a reference to her birth. “I think I would rather like for you to kiss me again,” she says, tugging on the material bunched in her fist. “We can decide what to do after, after.”

“I can manage that,” Severa says, sliding a hand around Lucina’s collar and behind her neck. “What happens on the road, stays on the road, right?”

Something about those words, or the way Severa says them, causes Lucina’s stomach to churn uncomfortably, but she just lays back, taking Severa with her. Severa, responding to Lucina’s unspoken cue, follows through with the motion and pushes their lips together.

They can talk about it in the morning, Lucina resolves, as she tries to push the discomfort away. She should at least be able to enjoy this for as long as it lasts.

When her mind doesn’t clear immediately, she pulls Severa closer and pushes her tongue into her mouth, willing this moment to last forever.

--

6.

The feeling of Severa’s fingers through Lucina’s hair is as amazing as it was the first time. Lucina’s eyes flutter closed -- an automatic reaction from each time Severa’s fingers lightly scratch at her scalp, however unintentional that motion may be.

They’re stopped in a forest just a few paces from the edge of a town, readying Lucina’s disguise after she had been recognized a few days ago.

(“Why didn’t you say something sooner?” Severa had scolded her when Lucina offhandedly mentioned the incident before entering the next settlement they had come across.

“She assured me she wouldn’t tell anyone,” Lucina answered. “And she seemed quite earnest about that promise.”

“That’s not the point,” Severa said, rubbing her brow with a hand. “If she recognized you, anyone could have! It’s a wonder we don’t have a royal guard breathing down our neck right this instance.”

“Come now,” Lucina reasoned, “a royal guard would travel much slower than two women on a single pegasus.”

Severa just groaned in response and motioned for them to dismount.)

“Have I ever told you how jealous I am of your hair?” Severa asks, hands threading through Lucina’s hair for a few last sweeps before she divides it into three sections. “It’s such a beautiful color and so thick.”

“You think so? The royal stylists usually preferred to view my hair as an untamed beast.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Severa scoffs. “Those hags in court are probably just jealous and taking it out on you the only way they can get away with.”

Lucina chuckles despite herself. “You shouldn’t say that.”

“Or what? If I could go the rest of my life without dealing with another courtier, I could die happy,” Severa says, plaiting Lucina’s hair with ease.

“You don’t think you’ll have to deal with any in Ferox?”

“I certainly hope not,” Severa says. “Besides, if we were to attract the attention of a Khan, we’d likely have more status than any random court type vying for favor.”

“About that,” Lucina starts, but Severa gives her half-braided hair a tug, cutting her off.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you,” Severa says, continuing with her work as though the interruption never happened. “Why did you ask to come with me, that night in the stable?”

Lucina sucks in an unsteady breath -- she knew the question was going to come sooner or later. “For the same reason you wanted to leave,” she answers after a moment. “The pressure of everything… it’s too much sometimes. It can be overwhelming.”

Severa hums a bit as she considers that, the sound soothing in a way Lucina couldn’t have predicted, especially with her working Lucina’s hair. “Hearing you say that,” she says, undoing Lucina’s braid to start again, “it’s reassuring.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, well, you always seem so determined, so unshakeable. To hear that you struggle with the same things as me… It’s vindicating.”

“I wonder how you’ll take what I have to say next, then,” Lucina says, finding it hard to fully focus with Severa’s hands drawing lengths through her hair again.

Severa’s hands skip in their motion. “Oh?”

“I had another motive when I asked to join you. Perhaps even more selfish than the first,” Lucina explains. Severa doesn’t say anything, but her hands move rougher through Lucina’s hair, snagging at a few tangles Lucina didn’t know she had. The feeling keeps Lucina in the moment.

“I’m not sure if you remember, but there were a few times when we had met up in those days before we left the castle. Each time, our duties had brought us together, but they also called us apart.” Lucina trains her eye on the way the light plays through the trees, refusing to let Severa’s fingers in her hair distract her. “At one point, I remember watching you walk away, wanting to call out to you but knowing I could not, because our responsibilities demanded that we do what is expected of us.

“But when I found you in the stables that night, I realized something. My duties will always be waiting for me, but you might not be. I couldn’t bear that thought.”

Severa stills her hands. A breeze cuts through the trees, shifting the shadows Lucina had been staring so intently at just minutes ago, but Lucina finds it difficult to focus on the scenery in front of her when she’s waiting on Severa’s response.

“You know, when you asked to come with me, that night in the stable, I knew you weren’t going to go all the way to Ferox with me,” Severa says, her exhale sounding more like sigh than a simple breath.

“Why did you let me come with you, then?”

“Maybe,” Severa starts, dropping her hands from Lucina’s hair to her shoulders, “maybe I wanted you to give me a reason to go back. I decided a while ago that I don’t need to live a life devoted to the royal family. But I wouldn’t mind a life devoted to you.”

“My father wants me to restart the Shepherds,” Lucina says, suddenly, causing Severa grip her shoulders.

“What?”

“We have an excess of royals right now, and our country’s at peace. My father believes he learned more about Ylisse and being a leader from leading the Shepherds than he ever did from dealing with nobles,” Lucina explains. “He thinks it would be valuable for me to spend a few years traveling the country, doing good for our citizens.”

Severa scoffs, releasing Lucina’s shoulder and returning her hair. “I never took your father to be such a wise man.”

“Perhaps you should spend more time with my father, then,” Lucina says, as lightly as possible, knowing Severa’s comment was not intended to sound nearly as harsh as it did.

“I hardly spend any time with my own father. It’d be weird to spend time with yours.”

Lucina laughs, unable to stop it. “Your father used to be a Shepherd as well, you know.”

“He told me a few stories growing up,” Severa says, beginning to plait Lucina’s hair again. “He’s always acted like it was the best time of his life, waiting on your father hand and foot without any court meddling.”

“Is that how your father made it sound?” Lucina asks. “My father’s stories focused on the action of it. Or the results. Fighting brigands to help villagers and the like.”

“I can see how our fathers’ priorities differ,” Severa says dryly, drawing another laugh from Lucina.

“You know, when Father told me he wanted me to restart the Shepherds, I always imagined you would be there with me,” Lucina confesses. “In fact, never once did I imagine myself in the Shepherds without you, even as a child hearing my father’s stories.”

Severa pauses in her work briefly, one hand tightly pinching Lucina’s braided hair, to dig through the nearest saddlebag for a ribbon. “Is this your way of asking me to join your newly re-formed Shepherds?” she asks, quickly tying off Lucina’s hair.

“I don’t want to force you, by any means,” Lucina says, finally getting the chance to turn and face Severa, “but I do want you there. With me.”

Severa turns her head and crosses her arms, clearly unsure what to do with her hands now that she’s done with Lucina’s hair. “I don’t know why you would. After this fiasco, the pegasus knights will have nothing to do with me, and you should have real knights in your ranks.”

“Severa,” Lucina says, urging Severa to look back at her. When she doesn’t, Lucina cups her cheek with a hand, and nudges her head. “Severa, you don’t need to be a knight. You have been my most constant companion throughout my life, and I don’t want to think about taking such a large step without you.”

Severa’s gaze drops down, still unable to look Lucina in the eye. “Is this just because we grew up together? You don’t owe me anything for something we couldn’t control.”

Lucina presses her forehead against Severa’s, praying Severa will understand her. “I owe you a lot, actually,” she says. “Whether or not we had any control over the circumstances of our meeting, you have done more for me than I can speak to. Besides, I’d dare say that wanting to keep you at my side is a more a selfish wish of mine than any kind of reward for you.”

“You’re crazy,” Severa says, pulling away to give Lucina an incredulous look, and Lucina can’t help but smile at the frankness of the statement. “Half of Ylisse would kill to be in my position right now and the other half would die for it. And you think it’s selfish to want someone by your side?”

A frown overtakes Lucina’s lips before she can stop it -- that wasn’t quite she was going for. “So you accept then?” she asks instead of pressing the other issue, hand dropping to Severa's shoulder.

“I can hardly say ‘no’, can I?” Severa says, typical confidence back in full force. Lucina finds it worrisome to see it back so quickly; it feels as though Severa is trying to hide something under that bravado. “This is the opportunity of a lifetime.”

“Yes, I suppose it is,” Lucina agrees, frown still touching her lips. She suddenly wishes for the vulnerability of last night, Severa unsure of herself as she pinned Lucina to the ground. This Severa feels untouchable, walls even Lucina cannot break firmly erected around her.

Severa stands, and Lucina’s arm drops limply back to her side. “We’d better get you back in time for the ceremony, then, shouldn’t we?”

Lucina watches as Severa begins readying Luna -- she’s never felt further away.

“Yes,” Lucina hears herself say. “I suppose we should.”

--

4.

Lucina wonders if she’s imagining it, but the return trip feels heavier than the trip out. She and Severa chat less during their hours of riding, for one, and -- though Lucina is convinced she is the only one thinking about it -- the night they spent kissing haunts nearly all of her thoughts, waking and sleeping.

At times that night feels like a fever dream, conjured by the monotony of the ride. But other times, it feels like the only real thing that occurred during their whole journey, and Lucina swears she can still feel Severa’s lips on hers days later.

It’s easy to regret it. However much Lucina may have longed for that moment, she would have preferred to continue the relationship she had had with Severa before -- friendly, if somewhat stilted at times as they tried to navigate the space between their ranks and their close upbringing -- than deal with the fallout. A Severa at arm’s length is certainly better than a Severa leagues away.

But just as much, she can’t help but hold that night close to her heart. Despite everything that has happened since, it was still a wish fulfilled (however much it was also a wish unspoken), and she refuses to let go of that.

Sometimes, during the long stretches where neither girl speaks a word to each other, Lucina wonders how Severa feels about it. She was, after all, the one to initiate it. But given her reticence on the subject, the way she is careful to keep both her touch and gaze from lingering on Lucina any longer than necessary, Lucina concludes that she would rather forget that night ever happened.

Perhaps that is what hurts most of all.

At times, when she knows Severa isn’t looking, Lucina pulls the necklace she bought days ago from the pocket she has it hidden in. With their relationship as splintered as it is, the necklace has become as much a symbol of what could have been as a trinket collected on their trip away from the capitol.

A million possibilities, Lucina thinks, rubbing the pendant idly.

A million possibilities, and she doesn’t know how to make any of them real.

--

2.

“We’re cutting it a little close, but if we fly today and tomorrow, we should make it back on time,” Severa says, both of them hunched over her map in the early morning light. “Have you ever flown before?”

“I haven’t,” Lucina admits, trying not to thinking too much into Severa’s sudden willingness to be within arm’s length of her again. It won’t do for her to get her hopes up before they have a real chance to talk. “Mother made sure Kjelle and I had plenty of experience on horses, but she and father were hesitant about letting us ride with one of the pegasus knights.”

“You’ll love it,” Severa tells her, with such confidence Lucina can’t help but believe her. “The crispness of the air, the wind in your hair… Flying is unlike anything else in the world.”

Lucina smiles at how clearly enamored Severa is with the act, happy to see her unguarded for the first time in days. “With a recommendation like that,” she says, unable to keep her mirth from seeping into her voice, “I’m looking forward to it.”

Severa pushes off the ground, moving to start clearing their campsite. “I may have had no choice in becoming a pegasus knight, but getting to fly almost makes up for it. Almost.”

“About that, Severa,” Lucina says, fingers finding the feather pendant unconsciously. In the days since they’d turned back, she’d wondered nonstop if she should bother bringing up the conversation that prompted the decision, but the memory of how quickly and easily Severa shut herself away near the end of it stopped her. Now, however, with the threat of them returning to the castle, to a place where Severa has ample reason and room to continuing doing just that, Lucina can’t stand the thought of leaving things as they are. “How are you feeling?”

“‘How am I feeling?’ That’s a pretty broad question, Luci.”

Lucina smiles at the nickname despite herself. “About returning to Ylisstol. I feel when discussed it, we never had the chance to talk about your thoughts about it.”

Severa scoffs, as though the thought itself is ridiculous. “What’s it matter? You need to be back by the ceremony, so we’re getting you back by the ceremony.”

“Of course it matters, Severa. I thought I made this clear earlier, but I care about you. If you’re uneasy or unsure of what we’re doing, I want to know.”

“That’s,” Severa cuts herself off, shaking her head. “It’s a nice sentiment, Luci, but let’s not delude ourselves. So what if I still don’t really want to go back? You’re the princess, and I’m… I’m just a cadet whose own parents didn’t notice how miserable she was.”

“Severa,” Lucina starts, but Severa continues as though she said nothing.

“I’m glad you care enough to try to make me feel like my opinion matters, Luci, I really do. But,” Severa sighs, the sound bone-weary, “I’m not supposed to be a person who matters. I learned that a long time ago, and you’ll figure it out eventually, too.”

Those words, coupled with Severa’s defeated tone, send a wave of indignation crashing up through Lucina’s chest. “Severa, don’t you dare say that about yourself,” she says, clenching her hands to expel the restless energy that’s come over her. “I know the court acts like the royal family trumps all, but how did you ever come to the idea that you don’t matter?”

Severa sends her a pitying look, though Lucina can’t decide who it’s meant for. “You know how I started my cadet training earlier than most? I was the youngest there by years, and for most of it, I thought it was because my parents had assumed I would display a talent for it like my mother.” She looks away, towards Luna. “And then I overheard my parents talking about me.

“It turns out they wanted me in the cadets sooner because they were worried that I was raised too closely to you and your sister. They thought I might think myself on your level, or worse, you might think us equals. I don’t know if they intended me to hear them,” Severa says, “but I was so terrified by what they could have seen in me to think that kind of thing was necessary.”

Lucina swallows thickly, her throat suddenly dry. “And what do you think that could have been?”

Severa’s eyes dart over to Lucina’s before flicking away again, the motion a plea and an answer all in one. Lucina thinks of Severa’s studious denials that any tender moments between them on the road could point to anything more, her less-than-subtle sidestepping when Lucina began to edge on her declaring her own feelings.

Lucina wants to hit herself for not realizing it sooner.

“If I may be so frank,” Lucina says, after a moment of stewing in a silence so thick it chokes them both, “I don’t much care what our parents think of how we treat each other.”

Severa looks at her sharply, and Lucina, as if emboldened by Severa’s gaze on her, takes a step in her direction.

“I don’t like playing up my status, but if your parents make a fuss,” Lucina says, taking another step, “I will gladly remind them they have no authority over me.” Another step. “And if my own parents think they have any says in the matter,” another, “I will kindly inform them that as the future exalt,” and another, “such decisions will ultimately be out of their control.”

Standing face to face with Severa, the closest they’ve been in days, Lucina can hardly resist the urge to kiss the other girl. Instead, she takes her hand, intertwining their fingers.

“I don’t think you know what you’re getting into,” Severa tells her, voice barely above a whisper.

“I’m prepared to face it, regardless,” Lucina shoots back.

Severa drops her head to Lucina’s shoulder. “I really don’t get you,” she says, though she hardly sounds upset about it.

“You don’t have to,” Lucina replies, lightly, enjoying the contact while it lasts. “You just have to understand that I care about you, Severa. And I’m willing to do whatever it takes to prove that.”

Laughing dryly, Severa lifts her head, staring back at Lucina as though in challenge. “Fine. At the very least, I can wait and see what you plan to do.”

Unable to keep a smile from tugging on her lips, Lucina steps towards Luna, pulling Severa with her. “I won’t ask for anything more. Shall we go, then?”

Severa just shakes her head. “After you, Your Highness.”

--

1.

Ylisstol is barely in view when a pair of pegasus knights flag them down. Severa raises a single hand to show their lack of resistance and lands immediately, only for the knights to quickly surround them, lances raised.

“Who goes there- Your Highness!” one of the knights exclaims, nearly dropping her weapon. “What are you doing here? Where have you been?”

“Severa, is that you?” the other knight cuts in. “Why-”

Severa dismounts, and the lances instantly raise again, pointed directly at her. “Well, I can’t say I didn’t expect this at least a little bit,” she says, lifting her hands in surrender.

“Stop, all of you,” Lucina commands, dropping from Luna as well. “By my order, you will let Severa return to the castle and to the cadet dorms.”

The knights look hesitantly between themselves, clearly unsure if they should listen. “Your Highness,” one of them starts, “we’re under orders from Commander Phila, Sir Frederick, your father, and Her Royal Majesty the Exalt to apprehend whoever took you from the castle.”

“And what if I were to tell you that Severa was under my orders to take me?” Lucina shoots back.

The knights hesitantly lower their lances. “What do you mean, Your Highness?”

“It was my idea to leave the castle,” Lucina lies, staring the knights down and daring them to challenge her. “I needed to see my country before the ceremony, to be reminded why my duty matters. I ordered Severa to take me; she didn’t have a choice in the matter.”

A moment passes in silence, the pegasus knights looking uneasily at each other. “I suppose we could take you to your father,” the first says. “You can explain the situation to him, and he can decide if she’s,” she motions to Severa with her lance, “allowed back in the castle.”

“I’ll accept those terms,” Lucina says. “May I have a moment with Severa before we go?”

At the knights’ synchronized nod, Lucina turns to Severa to find her giving her an unreadable look. “I’m surprised you covered for me,” she says, voice low.

Lucina shakes her head. “What are you talking about? I refuse to let you receive punishment for going along with my whims. I’ll explain everything to my father and Aunt Emmeryn, and I’m sure they will clear everything up.”

Severa’s eyes dart over Lucina face, as though searching for some sign of guile, before she shrugs, turning away. “My own father signed my arrest warrant. Surely you can’t expect to just smooth talk everything better.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you,” Lucina vows, grasping one of Severa’s hands in her own. “If nothing else, I promise this.”

“Alright, that’s enough time you two,” the second knight calls, breaking them out of the moment.

Sensing hesitation in the stiffness of Severa’s body, the way Severa’s gaze stays firmly on the ground, Lucina tugs on her arm, pulling her close and pressing their lips together, in full view of their knightly audience. The kiss lasts a few seconds, long enough for Severa to recover from the impulsiveness of the act and relax into it, and Lucina finds breaking away is one of the hardest things she’s ever done.

“I’ll be waiting for you at the castle,” she says, loud enough that she’s sure the pegasus knights could hear her as well. “No matter what happens, I’ll be waiting for you.”

Severa nods wordlessly, flushed a bright red and breathing a little heavier than before.

Feeling immensely satisfied with that reaction, Lucina can hardly fight the grin off her face as one of the knights directs her pegasus closer, allowing Lucina to climb on the back. With one last fleeting look at Severa and Luna, they take off, the castle a quickly approaching dot in the distance.

Frederick is already in the castle yard by the time they arrive, looking as frazzled as Lucina’s ever seen him. When he spots her, head poking around the shoulder of her knight escort, she swears he looks vaguely like he wants to cry.

“Your Highness! Thank Naga you’re back!”

Lucina dismount with ease, the days spent with Luna giving her ample practice. “Frederick, it’s good to see you, too. I hope my absence hasn’t caused too much of a stir.”

“Nothing we couldn’t handle, Your Highness,” Frederick tells her. “But if I may ask, where did you go?”

Lucina opens her mouth to tell him, but the pegasus knight cuts in. “We found her on the back of your daughter’s pegasus, headed back towards the capitol.”

“Severa? You must be joking.”

“Frederick, if you can take me to my father, I can explain everything,” Lucina cuts in.

“Explain how my daughter is implicated in your apparent kidnapping?” Frederick asks, his typically stoic features shaken. “I will take you to your father, but I’m not sure what you can say that will make this better.”

The walk through the castle is stiff, the activity from the ceremony preparations only adding to the tension in the air. More than a few of the castle staff openly gawk as Lucina walks by, clearly shocked by the sudden reappearance of their princess.

They find her father in the chapel, overseeing some final touches before the ceremony tomorrow. Lucina doesn’t know how to feel that everyone seemed so confident that she would turn up in time and the ceremony could continue as planned.

“My Lord,” Frederick announces, drawing the attention of her father and the handful of priests with him. “Your daughter is here.”

Her father nearly drops the parchment in his hands. “Lucina!” he says, rushing over to her. “Are you alright? Are you hurt?”

“I’m perfectly healthy, Father,” Lucina tells him. “I want to talk to you about my departure from the castle.” She glances around the room at the priests, all trying very hard to look like they’re not listening. “In private.”

Chrom claps his hands. “If you could give us a moment,” he says, voiced raised and directed to the room. His eyes dart to Frederick.

“He can stay.”

“Alright, everyone out. We’ll let you know when we’re ready. Now, Lucina,” Chrom turns to her, “what happened to you? Half the castle believes you’ve been kidnapped, and the other half thinks you’ve been killed.”

Lucina frowns. “I left a note.”

“‘Don’t look for me, I’m safe’ is not a note that instills confidence.”

“I didn’t have very much time,” Lucina protests, weakly.

“It doesn’t much matter now,” Chrom says, shaking his head. “Tell us everything.”

Sparing one last glance at Frederick -- there are some details shy of everything she can leave out, at least until Severa is ready to talk to her own parents -- Lucina launches into the same explanation she gave the pegasus knights earlier. Her father listens with an unreadable expression, face flat and brows pulled together.

“I wish I could say that impulsive streak came solely from your mother,” Chrom says once she finished. He rubs his chin, clearly thinking his next sentence through. “I can’t fault you for wanting to be free of this place before the ceremony; I remember wanting to run away myself before my coming-of-age. And to be honest, I saw it in you, that desire to get out and see Ylisse for yourself. That’s why I want you to restart the Shepherds.”

“So you understand, then?”

Chrom nods, smiling slightly. “There’s a lot of work you’ll have to make up with Frederick before the ceremony, but I understand. Now we might have had some issues if you had missed the ceremony itself, but I think we can wave this off as one last hurrah before adulthood.”

“And Severa?” Lucina asks, more hesitantly.

“I’ll have to speak with the pegasus commanders,” Chrom tells her. “Regardless of whether or not you ordered her to take you, she still had responsibilities here at the castle, and they might not be so forgiving of her abandoning those for your sake.”

“But she won’t be punished?”

“For leaving, I can’t say, but not for taking you,” Chrom confirms. “Neither Emmeryn nor I thought your disappearance was as serious as the castle gossips were saying anyway, but too many of the lords and ladies visiting were in a frenzy over the idea that you were kidnapped.”

“I apologize for causing everyone so much distress.”

Chrom just laughs, placing a comforting hand on Lucina’s shoulder. “It’s no matter. Between you and me, those lords and ladies could use a little more excitement in their lives anyway. Now, come, there’s plenty of work we both need to do before the ceremony.”

Frederick motions for them to leave the chapel, Lucina thanking her father as they step out. As he leads her back through the castle, no fewer people gawk at her presence than in the walk in, and Lucina finds it more amusing with the added insight her father provided. Did they really think she was murdered?

“We should pay a visit to each of the noble families staying in the castle and let them know you’ve returned,” Frederick says, breaking Lucina from her thoughts. “But first, we should decide who your personal guard will be after the ceremony. As you know, it’s customary for women in the royal family to select a member of the pegasus knights, and I have a list of candidates your father and I think would serve you well.”

“Actually,” Lucina cuts in, “I have someone in mind already.”

“Oh? Well, I’m glad to hear you weren’t totally neglecting your duties while you were out galavanting across the country with my daughter.”

Lucina smiles wryly -- Frederick may not be as pleased with choice as she was hoping then -- but she spies Severa across the courtyard, talking with the pegasus commanders (no doubt getting dressed down for leaving the castle), and, her smile growing, she find she does not care what anyone else thinks.

--

0.

When Lucina wakes the next morning, she finds absent all the nervousness that had plagued her during her previous days in the castle leading up to the ceremony. Her mind is clear, as though her path is laid out before her and all she needs to do is follow the steps until the end.

A part of her -- one that she refused to entertain in the past but she gives into more and more recently -- hopes to find Severa waiting for her when she gets there.

She takes her time dressing, savoring the last moments she’ll have alone before the big event starts. The robes the tailor selected for her are thankfully much more subdued than those from the fitting despite her not being around approve the final design -- she had been of half the mind to worry that she would be put in something particularly ostentatious as punishment for leaving so close to the ceremony.

On a whim, she takes the necklace she had bought on the road from its new spot on her bedside table, and strings it around her own neck, slipping it beneath her robes to hide it from view. A private reminder to give her strength.

A knock on her door reminds her that her day has only just started. Stepping out of the room, Lucina finds Cordelia waiting for her, her armor shining as though she polished it specially for this occasion.

“Good morning, Your Highness,” Cordelia says, greeting Lucina with a tight-lipped smile. “It looks like today will be the last day Frederick or I will be responsible for your wellbeing.”

“I’m sure Frederick will still worry about me, even once I have a personal guard of my own,” Lucina says, motioning for them to head for the chapel.

Cordelia laughs, the corners of her lips loosening. “He very much wanted to be the one to escort you this morning,” she confesses as they walk, “but he has about thirty other duties to attend to today. Mine has always been simply to make sure the royal family is safe.”

“Shouldn’t you be attending to Aunt Lissa, then?” Lucina asks. “Not that I object to your escort, of course.”

“No, it’s a fair question. Her Highness has been helping Her Majesty with some final preparations, so Commander Phila agreed to keep an eye on both of them until everyone is in one place.”

Lucina nods, as a silence settles over them. Peeking from the corner of her eye, she studies the older woman, examining as many of her features as she can without outright staring.

Ever since Severa was young, people often compared her appearance to her mother’s -- the color of their hair is undeniable, at least -- but Lucina struggles to find the similarity. There’s a softness to Cordelia’s features, a give where Severa is stone. Though Severa may have inherited the base of her beauty from her mother, Lucina finds she misses that hardness, the extra sharpness Severa lends her features from the way she holds herself alone.

“I will admit I had another reason I wanted to escort you to the chapel this morning,” Cordelia says, suddenly, breaking the silence and snapping Lucina’s gaze to her fully. “I heard about the little escapade you went on with my daughter.”

Lucina resists the urge to groan. “I assure you, whatever sordid rumor you heard has been wildly exaggerated.”

“I see. So you did not kiss my daughter when those pegasus knights found you on the way back to the castle?”

Face feeling as hot as it ever has, Lucina racks her brain for a proper response. “Is that all you heard?”

“I also heard you practically confessed your love to her right then and there. Is that incorrect as well?”

“I,” Lucina starts, swallowing thickly, “never said the kiss did not happen. Though I would argue what I said did not amount to a confession of love.”

Cordelia stops in her tracks, forcing Lucina to do the same. “Am I to assume you’re just playing with her, then?”

“Of course not!” Lucina protests immediately. “I care for Severa deeply, I can promise you that, Cordelia. But…”

“But?” Cordelia prompts, sharply.

“I’m working on it,” Lucina finishes, the response sounding far better in her head than out loud. “I need to know that if she reciprocates, it’s because she honestly feels the same as I do, not because she feels obligated to return my feelings because of my status.”

Cordelia frowns, the expression etching deep lines into her face, and for the first time, Lucina can see the resemblance with her daughter. “Has Severa ever expressed to you the desire to be in a relationship with you?”

Lucina thinks back to her conversation with Severa just a few days ago. The confession that her parents wanted to limit their contact likely for this exact reason. Briefly, she wonders if this is Cordelia’s worst fear come true.

“Until recently, I don’t believe Severa has allowed herself to consider it a possibility.”

“So, no?”

“No,” Lucina admits, after a moment, though it hurts to acknowledge. Especially in these circumstances. “Not in so many words.”

Cordelia sighs, swinging an arm out to signal that they should continue on their way towards the chapel. “I sympathize with you,” she tells her, once they’ve resumed their walk. “Did you know that I was in love with your father when I was a teenager?”

“I’ve heard rumors, but I always dismissed them,” Lucina says, slowly, unsure of how Cordelia will react.

“Thank you for thinking so highly of me, but I’m afraid those rumors are true,” Cordelia says, shaking her head wryly. “It’s been a long time since then, but I do remember what it’s like, being young and enamored with someone unattainable. When I married Frederick, the one thing I wanted, above all else, was to keep my child from making the same mistakes I did.”

Oh, Lucina thinks. That explains things. Out loud, she says, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize, Your Highness. Never apologize for loving someone,” Cordelia says, and Lucina wonders if she ever wished to hear those words when she was Lucina’s age. “Though I would be lying if I said I didn’t wish the circumstances were a bit different.”

“I understand that our families have a complicated history when it comes to such things,” Lucina says, haltingly, “but I can assure you, when it comes to Severa, her happiness is my first priority.”

Cordelia sighs again, the act so similar to one of Severa’s own, Lucina feels a wave of comfort from hearing it. “I’m glad to hear that, Your Highness. Truly. And I believe that you mean that.”

A moment passes, Cordelia clearly unsure how to proceed. “But I can’t help but worry for her,” she settles on. “Severa doesn’t like to talk about it, but she struggles with how others see her. She always has. It’s a familiar concern,” Cordelia admits, shaking her head.

“I’ve noticed that about her as well,” Lucina says, reminded of her conversation with Severa that night on the road. It feels like a lifetime ago now. “Though I must say it’s understandable why it would concern her.”

“Yes, I suppose Frederick and I did not leave her with the easiest legacy to live up to,” Cordelia agrees. “Sometimes I wonder if any child of mine would have been able to live up to the reputation I’ve been given. Severa’s done as well as the gossipers would let her.”

“Even better,” Lucina shoots back. “She has a drive I doubt any detractors would bother to notice.” Lucina can’t stop a fond smile from overtaking her lips. “She won’t go down without a fight, however frustrating that may be sometimes.”

“You really do care for her, don’t you?” Cordelia says, sounding a little taken aback.

“More than I fully feel comfortable admitting to her mother.”

Cordelia gives Lucina a long, appraising look. “Perhaps I misjudged you, Your Highness. Or perhaps I misjudged the situation. I suppose I never imagined you could feel so strongly about my daughter.”

“I can’t imagine feeling anything but,” Lucina replies, simply.

A silence settles over them at that, not quite comfortable but not quite tense either, as though both women are just on the cusp of airing one last comment. With the chapel fast approaching in the distance, Lucina finds she can’t quite leave the conversation where it is.

“Cordelia,” she starts, before pausing to choose her words. “I’m not asking for your approval -- I would continue to love your daughter even if you and Frederick were fiercely opposed to it. But I do hope that you and your husband will be able to accept whatever decision she and I make about our relationship going forward.”

“You Highness, is it alright if I take those words as a declaration from my daughter’s potential suitor,” Cordelia asks, “not the crown princess and future exalt?”

Lucina can’t stop the relieved laugh that breaks free from her throat. “By all means.”

“In that case, you have it. My acceptance and my approval,” Cordelia says. “I want my daughter to be happy, Your Highness, and if you’ve convinced me of anything, it’s that you would do whatever it takes to make that happen.”

Stopping outside the chapel door, Lucina turns to face Cordelia fully. “Thank you this,” she says, reaching a hand out into the space between them. “It was nice to have a chance to speak with you so frankly.”

Cordelia takes Lucina’s hand and gives it a firm shake, a small smile on her lips. “I agree. Our country is lucky to have you.”

Lucina flushes slightly at that bit of praise, dropping Cordelia’s hand to tug on a lock of hair near her ear sheepishly.

“Severa too, if she’s willing to take you,” Cordelia adds, with a grin Lucina didn’t know the serious woman was capable of. “Good luck, Your Highness.”

Unsure of what she can say to follow that up -- if anything at all -- Lucina simply gives Cordelia a nod, and pushes her way into the chapel.

--

The ceremony itself passes in a blur. Through some odd combination of the countless practice repetitions of her own motions Lucina had gone through in the weeks leading up to it and the sheer surreality of the day finally arriving, Lucina finds it extremely easy to let muscle memory take control.

Despite that, she can hardly ignore the moment Aunt Emmeryn -- every bit Exalt Emmeryn in this moment-- places a weighty circlet on her head, or the thunderous applause from the nobility at the crowning.

And just like that, she is a full-fledged member of the royal family and the officially recognized heir to the halidom.

Though there are plenty of goings-on still planned for the chapel, Lucina is hustled from the hall almost immediately, each step cresting on a wave of adulation from Ylisse’s ruling class. There’s a day-long banquet waiting for her, in theory a chance for the various lords and ladies visiting the capitol to properly meet the princess but in practice more an opportunity for the Ylissean nobility to celebrate the good fortune and prosperity of the current exalt’s reign.

As she and the nobility leave the chapel, she casts a glance around in hope of catching any who might be entering. The knighthood ceremony typically takes place in private -- to represent that the service is not something taken up for the accolades or recognition, but out of duty to the country -- and she wants any indication she can that Severa is with this year’s graduates. But the crowd around her is dense and charged with excitement, so much so she finds herself nearly carried across the yard and to the banquet hall.

The celebration itself is a whirlwind of activity, and for the briefest moment, Lucina regrets the days she did all she could to avoid meeting with the young lords and ladies visiting the castle. As the guest of honor, she’s pulled from noble to noble, barely hearing their words of congratulations or well-wishes before the next spins her around to do the same.

To her luck, however, Aunt Emmeryn arrives after the first hour, and for the first time since Lucina arrived at the banquet hall, she finds the attention off of her. Taking the opportunity, she slips off to the wings for quick break, only to bump into someone with the same idea.

“Hey, watch where you’re-”

“Severa!” Lucina says barely resisting the urge to hug the girl after a few days without seeing her. “You’re here!”

Severa smirks, all lopsided and full of bravado, but there’s an affectionate glint in her eye that takes the edge off. “Where else would I be?”

“I haven’t seen hide nor hair of you since those knights flagged us down and brought me back to the castle,” Lucina says. “What happened to you?”

“Nothing exciting honestly,” Severa answers, sighing and letting the air go out of her. “The pegasus commanders gave me an earful, but once the rumor got around about,” she pauses, suddenly taking interest in one of the far walls, “us being found together, they seemed a lot less keen on actually punishing me.”

There’s lines there Lucina’s can’t quite read through, though she does wonder if it has anything at all to do with the rumors Cordelia mentioned to her earlier. “That simple?”

Severa sends her a look as though she’s scandalized that Lucina would suggest such a thing. “From a bureaucracy standpoint maybe,” she says, scoffing. “The other cadets won’t let me hear the end of it, though. Cynthia especially doesn’t know when to shut her damn trap.”

“I’m sorry?” Though for what, Lucina still isn’t entirely sure.

“Don’t apologize; it’s not your fault people around here can’t mind their own business,” Severa shoots back. “And I never said I had a problem with what you did. I just wish other people wouldn’t make such a big deal about it.”

Lucina nods -- she’ll just have to ask Cynthia for the full context later.

They settle into a comfortable silence after that, both enjoying the moment of reprieve in each other’s company. Lucina knows she’ll have to return to the celebration sooner rather than later, but for now, she simply wants to bask in Severa’s presence after missing it for the past couple of days.

To her surprise, however, Severa breaks the silence after a few beats.

“There’s a rumor going around that Lady Tanith is going to be your personal guard.”

Lucina winces. Now that she thinks about it, Lady Tanith had been at the top of Frederick’s shortlist of candidates, but she had forgotten all about the court’s expectations for her pick as she went off on her own whims. She’ll have to find a way to apologize to Lady Tanith privately for the castle rumor mill getting ahead of itself.

“Do you think that’s who I’ve chosen?” Lucina asks instead of outright denying the rumor.

“She’s the logical choice,” Severa responds. “One of the most talented knights in the service, and dedicated, too. Not much more you could ask for.”

“That’s not what I asked. Who do you think I chose?”

Severa eyes her warily, clearly unsure of this line of questioning. “How should I know? I don’t what goes on in that head of yours, Luci.”

Lucina smiles at the nickname. It fell from Severa’s lips so naturally, she doubts that Severa herself noticed that she used it. “I think you understand me more than you’re willing to admit,” Lucina argues. “We just spent a week and a half together. Who do you think I chose?”

Flushing red from an emotion Lucina can’t quite place, Severa looks away and crosses her arms. “I know what you’re trying to say,” she says after a particularly long pause of glaring at the ground, “but I can’t believe you could have possibly thought that was a good idea.”

“You don’t have to accept,” Lucina says, evenly. As though it wouldn’t crush her for Severa to do so.

“You really you think I could get away with that?”

“Of course,” Lucina tells her. “I haven’t told your father -- or mine -- my selection yet. If you tell me right now that you don’t want to be my personal guard, I’ll give them a different name.”

Severa looks back at her sharply, brow furrowed and frowning. “Am I allowed,” she starts, almost choking on the words, “am I allowed to say yes?”

A warmth blooms in Lucina’s chest. It reminds her of their trip and the road, when the world was just the two of them.

“If you want to,” Lucina says, willing herself not to sound too excited, not to influence Severa’s decision with her own desires. “As long as you want to, of course you can say yes.”

“Then,” Severa says, gaze dropping back to the ground as though suddenly shy, “I would be honored.”

Lucina can’t fight the smile from spreading on her face. “In that case,” she says, pulling the necklace out from beneath her tunic, the feather pendant catching in the light, “I have something to tell you.” She undoes the clasp behind her neck, lets the the necklace bunch into one hand. “Will you listen?”

“Listening is the least I can do, I think,” Severa says, watching the motion of Lucina's hands curiously.

“You don’t owe me anything,” Lucina argues, taking a small step towards Severa. Gauging whether it’s alright. “If anything, I’m in your debt.”

Severa sends Lucina an exasperated -- if somewhat affectionate -- look. “What could you possibly be going on about this time? Last I checked, the only reason we’re standing here like this is because of you.”

“You only got in trouble like that because of me,” Lucina shoots back, taking another step. “And I can’t imagine what it would be like having a knight I hardly know watching over me every waking moment. If you hadn’t agreed to be my guard, I’m not sure what I would have done.”

“You can’t be serious,” Severa says with a shake of her head. “Being a guard for the royal family is the highest honor any knight in the service could ask for. You just offered me the highest promotion I’ll ever get, and I only received my commission an hour ago!”

Finally face to face with Severa, she passes one end of the necklace to her other hand and reaches around Severa’s shoulders, deftly fixing the clasp being Severa’s neck. “A thank-you gift for taking me with you, and for putting up with me all those days on the road,” Lucina explains when Severa looks down at the necklace in confusion.

“You didn’t have to.”

“Perhaps not, but I wanted to,” Lucina says, stepping back. “I may have had an ulterior motive in choosing you to be my personal guard, and I want to give you another chance to back out before we make anything official. But I want you to keep the necklace regardless.”

Severa reaches for the pendant almost immediately, tracing over the grooves in the feather not unlike Lucina did in those last days before they returned to the castle. Lucina watches for a moment as she admires the present, simply happy that she was able to give it to her after all, when a voice cuts through the short silence.

“I love you.”

Lucina feels her brow furrow -- those were the words she had planned, but that wasn’t her voice that said them. “You… what?”

“I love you,” Severa repeats, cheeks pink. “I’ve probably been in love with you longer than I’ve been willing to admit to myself.”

Heart pounding faster than she ever thought possible, Lucina takes Severa’s hands from around the pendant and clutches them in her own. “I’m sorry, my brain isn’t quite catching up,” she says, a smile splitting on her face. “I wouldn't happen to be dreaming right now, would I?”

Severa smiles -- a small one, but it’s there -- and buries her face in the crook of Lucina’s neck. “I didn’t expect you to be such a dork about it.”

Lucina just laughs. She feels so light right now, it’s a wonder she hasn’t started floating. “My apologies, I just,” she pauses, dropping Severa’s hands to wrap her arms around Severa’s frame, “I love you, too.”

Mirroring the motion, Severa squeezes Lucina’s torso, the feeling of it sending Lucina's heart into double-time again. “I wonder how my parents will react,” she muses. “Naga, I don't even how to tell my mother.”

“I wouldn't worry about that,” Luciba replies, sneakily pressing a kiss to the top of Severa's head. “I have on good authority that she would be happy for us.”

Severa laughs at that, and Lucina swears she must be flying.

--

-30.

“So you’re going to save me a spot on the Shepherds, right?”

Severa pauses in packing Luna’s saddlebags long enough to send Cynthia a dry look over her shoulder.

“I’m just saying, it’s kinda unfair that you managed to find a whole group of people for this a whole year before I’m old enough to be knighted,” Cynthia continues.

“There’s no set number of people who can be in the Shepherds, Cynthia,” Lucina says from her place outside of Luna’s stall, when it becomes obvious Severa is refusing to acknowledge the complaint. “If you still want to join us in a year, we’d be happy to have you.”

“You’d be happy to have her,” Severa cuts in, exiting Luna’s stall and joining Lucina where she’s standing before lacing their fingers instinctively. Lucina can’t help but smile at how easy it comes now. “No need to answer for both of us.”

“Ugh, you two are so… saccharine. Which brings me to reason number two why you should take me!” Cynthia says, forging on. “Someone needs to keep you two in line. Naga knows how most of the nobility feels about you dating your personal guard.”

Lucina laughs lightly. “I don’t see why it should bother them. Aunt Emmeryn’s been involved with Phila for nearly as long as they’ve had a professional relationship.” The statement draws two incredulous gazes to her. “Is something wrong?”

“You’re kidding me,” Severa says, simply. “There’s no way a hardass like Commander Phila would ‘desecrate her position’ -- or whatever fancy words the nobles like to use -- by being in a relationship with the exalt.”

“Did neither of you know?” Lucina asks, sparing a glance at Cynthia’s equally gobsmacked expression.

“Is this why Her Majesty never married?” Cynthia says, quietly as though she’s starting to piece a huge puzzle together. “Lucina, are you going to need Kjelle to have kids for you?”

Severa smacks the back of Cynthia’s head so quickly, Lucina nearly misses it as she blinks. “Mind your own business, will you? It’s a little early to worry about things like that!”

“It’s a valid question!” Cynthia shoots back, holding the spot when Severa’s hand had made contact with her head.

“I think we’ll cross that bridge when we get there,” Lucina steps in, diplomatically. “For now, Severa and I are just enjoying what we have together.”

Cynthia pulls a face. “Stop being so sickly sweet. How the other Shepherds are gonna deal with you, I have no idea.”

“Weren’t you just begging to be one?” Severa goads. If they were a little younger, Lucina would have expected her to stick out her tongue.

“I’ve been dealing with you my whole life; I have practice,” Cynthia argues, proving Lucina wrong -- right? -- and doing just that.

Severa makes a motion like she’s going to pluck Cynthia’s out stuck tongue from her mouth, so Lucina grabs her other hand, intertwining those fingers as well. “There certainly won’t be a quiet day with both of you as Shepherds, will there?” she asks, though with the way her body is positioned after grabbing Severa’s hand, it feels as though she’s speaking to Severa alone. “I look forward to it.”

“You're too nice,” Severa says dryly, but there’s no bite to it. Just an affectionate curl to her lips.

“If you guys keep this up, I'm leaving,” Cynthia cuts in.

Severa doesn’t spare her a glance as she starts to lean in, “Then leave.”

Lucina thinks she might hear a huffing sound off to her side, but in this moment, she finds nothing matters but Severa’s lips meeting hers. Perhaps Cynthia has a point after all, she thinks, fleetingly, but Severa pulls her in deeper, effectively cutting off all thought.

The other Shepherds will work it out. This -- after all they've been through -- is too good to give up.

[meanbihexual]

Unintended

Chapter 1/13

Read on AO3

Aric Jorgan was not a sentimental man. He didn’t dwell on his emotions—hell, half the time he didn’t even acknowledge them. He was also not indecisive; he believed in taking action, taking responsibility, and getting results. And so it was doubly incredulous, not to mention galling, that here he was, coming up on an hour of sitting on his bunk with his fists clenched, trying to decide what to do and feeling as anxious as he ever had in his entire life.

This had seemed like a good idea at first. It was entirely reasonable to want to congratulate the captain on her promotion, and a gift seemed like the sort of thing one ought to do for a friend. And they were friends, he had realized, after all the time they’d spent together, all the missions they’d completed. It was almost impossible to rely on someone as completely as they did in the field and not become something more than acquaintances, but it had surprised him nonetheless. The circumstances of their first meeting, his subsequent demotion while she was made his CO—all of that had stung, and at first he didn’t think he’d ever feel anything other than a seething dislike for her.

But Lieutenant—now Captain—Phila Evander was not the entitled, arrogant brat that he had thought she was, and she had proven it many times over in the hunt for Tavus and the other former members of Havoc Squad. Jorgan had come to admire and respect her over the months they’d been a team, and more than that, he even liked her.

Back to the problem at hand—a gift was a good idea, he was sure of that still, but why did he have to go and pick this particular gift? He hadn’t been able to think of anything that seemed right, until one day he was digging through his locker in search of something—he couldn’t remember what—when he found a box of assorted junk that he had accumulated over the years. Inside was a jewel he had bought from a trader on a whim years ago and had then thrown into the bottom of his pack, having no use for gems.

He wondered, now, if he’d had some sort of premonition, because it was the exact same blue as Phila’s eyes.

Before he could really think it through, he had found a Theelin jeweler on Nar Shaddaa and sent her the gem, commissioning a setting for it. It had arrived via courier while they were taking leave on Coruscant, and Jorgan had to admit that the jeweler had outdone herself.

The deep blue stone was now the centerpiece of a lovely bronzium pendant. It was shaped like an elongated diamond with thin strands of the metal woven in intricate designs that reached up to enfold the gem. It looked amazing, and in his mind he could clearly see it hung around Phila’s neck, even though he’d never seen her wear jewelry before.

The problem, though, the thing that kept him holding onto it even now, more than a month after receiving it, was that the more he looked at it, the more it felt like—well, like a lover’s token.

That was definitely not the message he wanted to send. Was it?

It was true that he was attracted to her, had been for quite some time, truth be told, but lately it had been getting worse. He couldn’t stop thinking about her, and everything reminded him of her—the Balmorran sunsets were the same deep red as her hair, a smooth sip of Corellian whiskey was her voice. And the dreams—it was a miracle that he could meet her eyes after the dreams he’d had, and thank the stars Cathar didn’t blush noticeably or he would have been in real trouble. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but either way, Phila—he had to start thinking of her as Captain Evander again if he was going to get through this—could not find out. What would she think if he gave her jewelry?

Jorgan sighed and shifted his weight, pressing a hand to the sore spot on his lower back. That’s what he got for sitting in the same position for so long, along with a raging headache that he was pretty sure was going to require finding Elara to give him some painkillers.

Finally, with a disgusted snarl he pulled himself up and retrieved the pendant from its spot at the bottom of his locker. He had never been a coward and he wasn’t about to start now—if she got the wrong idea (or, more accurately, the right but absolutely not ever admitted idea), he would just make it perfectly clear that it was a congratulatory gift from a friend, nothing more.

 Phila was pretty sure military datawork was a clever ploy by the Sith to keep soldiers from having time to come after them. She ran a hand through her hair as she finished one report and flicked it off the screen before pulling up another, wishing that this was something she could delegate.

That wasn’t fair of her, not really—Elara already did all of the datawork she could; the crazy woman enjoyed it, which was something Phila was eternally grateful for. But there were some reports that only a CO could file, which was why Phila was wasting an evening onboard the Thunderclap instead of continuing the hunt for the elusive Tanno Vik.

Technically, she could have done the work at the base in Bugtown, but she hated that place. She always felt like colicoids were going to burst through the walls at any moment—even after she and Jorgan had helped to cull the population, they were still crawling all over the place. It wasn’t like it was a big deal for her to get to the ship anyway; the shuttle ran back and forth to the orbital station several times a day, so it was just a matter of catching a ride. Besides, it would be nice to sleep in her own bed again.

Taking a big gulp from the mug of caf beside her, she was mentally fortifying herself to dive into the next report when she heard footsteps behind her. Turning her head, she saw Jorgan enter the room, clutching something in his hand.

“Hey, Jorgan,” she greeted him, turning back to the work in front of her.

“Captain. Do you have a minute?”

“Of course. Anything to get out of this datawork,” she answered with a small laugh, shoving the datapad out of the way as he pulled out the seat across from her.

The corners of his mouth twitched up, about as close as Jorgan ever got to a smile. She noticed that his hand was still curled tightly around something as he sat, but she couldn’t tell what it was.

“What’s up?”

Jorgan cleared his throat before he spoke.

“I never properly congratulated you on your promotion. You’ve come a long way since Ord Mantell.”

He paused, and she opened her mouth to say thank you, but he continued before she had the chance.

“We—we should celebrate.”

He looked vaguely sick as he said the last part, as if he had said it only because it was expected of him but actually found the prospect rather nauseating. It wouldn’t surprise her if that was the case—her XO wasn’t exactly a social flutterplume—but it meant a lot to her that he would make the effort.

Her response was designed to tease, to perhaps loosen him up a little. She couldn’t forget that day she’d come back to his inquiry about weapons malfunctions with a flirty little quip about going through her things—how his voice had dropped lower than usual when he asked if she had something to hide, the almost feral way his lips had curved in a rare smile.

It was impossible to deny she was hoping for a repeat performance when she said, “You could make me dinner.”

“You wouldn’t enjoy that. I’ve spent the last ten years living off field rations.”

His eyes danced, just a little, and told her that he was enjoying their exchange. Her smile widened—it was nice to see him joke for a change, even if it wasn’t that husky, mind-melting tone she’d been hoping for.

“Well, I guess it’s ration bars and caf again tonight,” she sighed in only half mock sorrow.

“Sorry, Captain,” he said. His voice turned serious. “But, uh, I got you a little something…”

She really had to stop smiling at him. He couldn’t think when she looked at him like that, all bright-eyed and positively glowing. It was hard enough to resist the pull of her lips normally, but when she smiled the battle tripled in intensity.

She was looking at him expectantly now, curiosity shining in her brilliant blue eyes, and since his brain was being decidedly unhelpful he simply held out the hand that clutched the necklace, waiting for Phila to mirror the gesture before he dropped the gift into her palm.

Phila gasped and immediately drew the piece closer to her face for inspection. The pendant was quite possibly the most beautiful piece of jewelry she’d ever seen, and she’d seen a lot. Even though she didn’t own much of it, Phila had always admired the pretty pieces she saw other women wear. It was too bad it wasn’t really practical in her line of work.

And Jorgan was just full of surprises tonight—not only had he given her a gift, something she never would have believed if she hadn’t seen it with her own eyes, but he apparently had fantastic taste in jewelry as well.

She became vaguely aware of Jorgan talking in the background, and she forced her mind to focus on him.

“Bought the stone off a trader a few years back. Had a Theelin jeweler fit it for me. Thought it’d look nice on you.”

He sounded slightly awkward again. Phila didn’t know if he wasn’t sure if she liked it or was just uncomfortable giving gifts in general, but she hastened to reassure him.

“It’s beautiful,” she said, raising her eyes from the pendant to meet his. “I love it. Thank you.”

He held her gaze for a moment in silence, and Phila felt a shiver run up her spine at the intensity in his eyes. She found that she couldn’t look away, and the pendant felt warm in her hand.

Finally Jorgan broke the silence. “Anytime.”

The moment faded, and Phila found herself wrapping her fingers around her gift, trying to recapture the warmth.

She really shouldn’t say it, she thought, about two nanoseconds before she opened her mouth.

“Will you put it on for me?” He looked slightly startled, like he’d never considered that as a possible scenario, and she continued. “I’m hopeless at clasps.”

That wasn’t strictly true, but she would have to go cross-eyed to do it on her own without a mirror. Close enough, right?

It took him a moment, but Jorgan finally nodded and pushed up from the table, walking around to stand behind her. Phila swung her ponytail to the side so it didn’t get in his way and held up the chain over each shoulder so that he could take it.

When he had the ends of the chain in his hands she lowered her own, trying (and mostly succeeding) to suppress the shiver that ran through her at the soft brush of his fingers against the sensitive skin of her neck. It was probably her imagination, but it felt like his touch lingered there, just a second longer than necessary, before he released the necklace and stepped back. She missed him instantly.

Jorgan cleared his throat again. “Anyway, I should get back to my duties, and let you get your reports done. Congratulations again, sir.”

Phila shook her head and twisted in her seat to look at him. “You know you don’t have to call me sir when we’re off duty, Jorgan.”

He gave what passed as a smile and simply said, “I know, sir.”

Phila laughed softly as he walked out. “Stubborn man,” she said to herself as she pulled the datapad back in front of her. She glanced down at the necklace lying against the front of her t-shirt.

“Sweet man,” she whispered, and then got back to work.

[woshivn]

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She has received the slave’s inheritance of entire ignorance.

[philialdevotion]

phila was a strange sight. not for sore eyes, no, she did not strike him as one for sympathy. no matter their non-existent interaction, libra at the very least knew of her existence. those who praised the exalt, those who were willing to put their lives on the line in the name of her safety . . . yes, they were synonymous in that much.

but, she was dead, wasn't she? it was wrong to gawk, and so he refrains. the clergy enjoyed simplicity, lavish things were beneath their grasp -- exercising humility was a critical aspect of the faithful. and so he simply holds nothing more than a grouping of yellow tulips, strewn together by white ribbon. it was a gesture of goodwill and gratefulness, but a late tribute to her existence. there was no corpse to pay blessings, and so this would be it for now, presented to her living and breathing form.

though . . . now it was not a tribute to mourning, or the sake of reminiscing. phila's blood remained within her body, her bones were not pushed through flesh and muscle in a bloodied heap against the ground. this was simply . . . a gift. he had said his prayers for fell souls, but now one stood before him.

"my name is libra, nothing more than a ylissean clergyman devoted to her grace," is what he starts with, holding the flowers within his grasp. "please accept these flowers as a token of our gratefulness to your devotion to the exalt. it has been long since due, and yet, i have only since had the time to deliver them to you."

libra sets them down on the table before her, before taking a short few steps back. "might i ask that you accept me saying hello in cordelias stead?" though she hadn't asked, and maybe it was rude, he figured it would be pleasing for cordelia to hear . . . back home. "you and i are strangers, that i'm aware, but she speaks highly of you and her station to all that she knows. i am certain it would bring her happiness to see you well."

Between bouts of drilling safety procedures, and marking theory tests, Phila was finding that any disposable time to hand today was fodder for ever increasing predicaments.

Sat at her desk, her work accompanied by the shriek and babble of student’s enjoying the warmth of Spring, she relishes the feeling of exhaustation that renders her arms and legs utterly leaden. Even as she sinks into her chair a little, her eyes remain alert. Ready to be snatched up by something essential that demands her attention immediately. A stray pegasi somehow getting loose from the stables, a stray arrow hitting a student in the leg: things generally at the moment seemed to be going astray. Wandering here and there, and generally just wherever Phila least needed them. 

Whilst this would no doubt have been an endless source of frustration to a teacher who valued their own time more, Phila was very happy to submit to the rush of things to do. It made the hours pass easily, like a stream flowing through a brook, like water under a bridge. And she found it pleasant, floating along the silvery back of things that needed solving. 

She was all too eager then, to anticipate whatever problem the monk currently approaching was experiencing. An oxymoronic look of disbelief that seems to muffle the monk’s features, though, holds her back from immediately demanding he demand something of her. There’s a flicker to his green eyes, like sunlight illuminating foliage. It leave her feeling measured. As if he were a judge, ready and waiting to read the innermost sections of her heart.

This confusion is so brief that it could be attributed to the interplay of light and shadow, and Phila is happy to allow it to be so. She doesn’t want to understand why a holy man’s gaze seems to pierce straight through her, to remind her of things that she had tried to surrender to this day’s task juggling. 

The moment she hears Ylisse, however, she immediately raises her eyes, which had been examining a corner of her office in need of a sweep; meets his gaze which is soft, reminiscent of grass presed down by sleeping bodies on a summer’s day. A store of comfort, of respite. His features are delicate: framed by braided hair like gold foil around a portrait. Her eyes fill her thoughts, her hair imposes itself over all else. She hears devotion, and smiles. Her Grace, absent as she is, continues to guide her, bring her home. 

She takes the offered flowers, bulbs of bright yellow that gleam like flames against her dusky armour, and holds them close to her chest. Just over her heart. The natural resting place of things that are dear to her. If Phila is dead, and her body is little more than a tomb, let it be a place where such beautiful things can flourish. ‘Thank you. This is one of the kindest gifts I’ve recieved in a long time.’ Casting her eye around for some water, she fills a cup and carefully fans out their stems inside. The thought that this gift, this tie between them, forged of course, by the Exalt, could wither makes her sadder than she’d like to admit. ‘Though, please. There is no need to praise duty. I was merely aiding Her Grace’s vision.’ 

Cordelia’s name, once so integral a part of her life, always on the lips of her older knight-sisters, floats from Libra like a cloud. ‘Cordelia said that?’ She asks, a slightly teasing lilt to her voice. ‘She has clearly forgotten the drills I used to train her in.’ The levity dances for but a moment.

Memories of a young girl, frantic and sobbing out the loss of her sisters crinkle the edges. She had failed her, failed them all in so many ways.

But, Cordelia had lived. Survived to speak her name. That eased the weight over her chest a little. ‘I would love dearly to see her someday, to return to Ylisse… she always showed exceptional talent, incredible promise.’ 

She stands, offers her hand to the monk before her. ‘Thank you. For bringing me home, even for a moment.’ Phila’s smile rarely reaches her eyes nowadays, but in this moment she can feel the old lines, echoes of her grin, pressing themselves anew into the corners of her face. ‘You must allow me to repay these wonderful gifts. If there is anything I can do for you, I will be by your side immediately.’ 

[yourunicornmind]

Leadership (N1MB 9)

On earth, the Rosetta team celebrated landing Philae on the comet.  

Zen and the team watched from their cloaked shelter without any knowledge of the celebrations on the blue-green planet.  They waited nervously to see if their interference had been detected.  After several dinas of nothing happening and because even cenandi need rest, they stepped down to their usual watch pattern.  

In the following rest period, Zenken approached Nurind diffidently.  “May I speak with you, Imperiol Nurind?”

The mission junior was slightly surprised to find himself recalled to his eminent pre-mission role, but responded with due formality, “Of course, Admiral Zenken.”

“I wish to speak without a formal mission record, if you would permit me.”

“That is unusual Admiral Zenken,” said the Imperiol, “but the situation we are in is most unusual.  May I humbly suggest we set aside the formalities and speak as equals?”

Zen was shaken by the honour the imperiol offered her, but also delighted to be so treated.  “Thank you, Nurind.  I would be truely grateful.”  She hesitated, “If find…this mission is taking its toll on my abilities as a leader.  I no longer know what is the right thing to do.”

Nurind laughed aloud.  Zenken was shocked, she had hoped for support not derision.  

“Neither does anyone else, Admiral!”  Nurind gasped between his laughter, “the situation is completely unprecedented, all we can do is make it up as we go along.”

Zen’s fur sagged in embarrassment, both for having momentarily misjudged Nurind’s motivation and for not living up to her own expectations.  

Nurind observed and stifled his laughter.  “Zenken,” he said gently, “no-one could know the right or wrong thing to do here.  History will tell us, but in the moment, all you could possibly do was guess.”

Zen nodded slowly, “You are correct, but still I feel…”

Nurind poured two beakers of khalri and passed on to Zen.  She sipped gratefully, trying to hid the trembling in her limbs.  

“We all volunteered for this mission, knowing we faced uncertainties,” Nurind reminded her, “some of those uncertainties have happened.  A guess is the only option available to you and hence completely appropriate.”

“I find myself overwhelmed by the enormity of this situation.  I am losing confidence, perhaps a more experienced Admiral should have been chosen to lead?”

“In truth Zenken, we considered that,” said Nurind, “The decision to ask you to lead was based on the enormous flexibility of thinking you had shown in designing the mission plan.  The Imperiols and the High Command felt your flexibility and creativity were more appropriate for an unknown situation than experience.  Experience teaches us little about complete unknowns.”

“However, the challenges you are now facing were not entirely unforseen.  I am authorised to make you a most unusual offer.  In truth, when we planned the mission we expected to reach this point well before now, so it may help you to know that you have continued to exceed everyone’s expectations”

Zenken sipped on her drink once again and let Nurind’s words sink into her mind.  “You are offering to take command?” she asked.

“Far from it.  I am offering to increase the scope of your authority.”

Zenken was completely baffled by this.  She already held sole leadership of the mission, how could more authority possibly help her?

Nurind continued, “If you are willing, I am authorised to train you in the skills of an Imperiol.

Read the whole story so far https://yourunicornmind.tumblr.com/N1MB

[wildflower8281]

Welcome to Miami

You’ve seen more in 5 days in Miami than Pete & I have seen in one year!

Coconut Grove: My Sister’s Place

I recently had the opportunity to visit my sister, Erin and her boyfriend, Pete in their amazing place in Miami. This was the first time I’d visited them since they lived down there. The 3 of us had the weekend together and then I had Monday-Wednesday to explore the city on my own, while they went to work. (They are currently in Hawaii now, so don’t feel too bad!)

During our weekend together, we did all things #relax: pool time, patio time (they have an amazing view), and of course amazing eats, most of them waterfront:

1 Hotel Miami Beach, Planthouse: brunch with a view of the ocean

Rusty Pelican: dinner on Key Biscayne, waterfront, view of Miami skyline

Lulu’s: Coconut Grove’s lovely downtown spot for brunch and people watching

Berries in the Grove: walkable local joint where we watched the Kentucky Derby!

Havana Harry's: authentic Cuban cuisine!

Doc B’s: downtown Coral Gables, fantastic all around, amazing guac

Coconut Grove is a sweet section of town, mostly with a residential feel, but also right next to the train and Route 1, both of which get you anywhere. Erin & Pete lived car-free in Phila and they remain car-free in Miami. It’s pretty awesome and very doable! Our trio had a blast together eating, relaxing and reconnecting - I can’t wait to return! 

(This was a quick post, so I’m bunching the pics together, #sorrynotsorry)

Monday: Little Havana

I had rented a car for my explorations from Monday through Wednesday. I’m not afraid to drive in new places or cities, thanks to being thrown into NY City as a nun and learning it on my own with a GPS! Nothing really scares me after that: If you can cruise in NYC, then you can cruise anywhere! (I’ve also driven a 12 passenger van on the left side of the road in Guyana, so there’s that. #ssvm #nunlife #missionaryadventures)

Anyway, of course my first desire when thinking of exploring Miami would be to 

visit Little Havana! It was only a 15 minute drive from Coconut Grove! The neighborhood is actually 3 square miles, most of it residential, so I just parked on a side street and made my way up to Calle Ocho, which is the main street of Little Havana.

The only part of Cuban culture I’ve ever been close to was Maria Cruz. She was a teacher at the church I worked for in Spanish Harlem, San Pablo. She had grown up in Cuba and lived there during the terrible times of Fidel Castro. She taught religion secretly and remembered what it was like to not have access to sugar. She lived there during the scarce and scary times & always had stories to tell. Then, she came to New York. I remember she would occasionally bring us (the nuns who worked in the CCD office) Cuban coffee, in those tiny NY cups and it was the richest, yummiest coffee I’d ever had! That was the closest to Cuban culture I ever got, until now.

My first goal was to find a cuban bakery or coffee shop and score some coffee & sweet breads or cookies to go along, then to sit and just people watch. Luckily, as I rounded the corner of Calle 8, I stumbled upon just that and ordered un cafe cubano and some I-don’t-know-what-they-are-called yummy cuban cookies. I took my treats down the street, seeking a bench to chill on, which I promptly found at Domino Park. Domino Park is just what it sounds like - a dozen or so tables, filled with locals (mostly men) playing dominos, laughing, drinking their cafes and chatting. It was a hub of bustle and I sat right down and enjoyed the scene! One of my favorite things to do while traveling is to find the local hubs, sit and just watch the people. I like to blend in (if possible), remain unnoticed and just observe humanity. It’s fascinating. I made eye contact with various of the players (old enough to be my grandparents,) smiled and I think they appreciated that I just quietly came in and sat down. There were loads of other tourists who came in charging with their cameras, hovering around the tables snapping photos, as if these folks were statues or something. It felt weird to me and I appreciated just being on the sidelines, enjoying my cafe & cookies, just watching.

From the park, I just wandered up and down Calle 8, snapping pictures of everything colorful, vibrant and interesting - which is basically everything in Little Havana. From the trash cans with Cuban art on them, to the wall tiles, street murals and picturesque cafes and walkways. I’m not really a shopper, so I skipped all the souvenir stores (although many looked like they had fun stuff!) and always consider my photos the best captures of my experience that I get to take with me for free. I love shooting new places, capturing scenes, art, and interesting corners or angles that people may not notice. So I spend the next 2 hours doing just that and it made me very happy. I also scored a second cafe cubano, because why not?

I’m not one to educate on history or culture, but Cuba does have an interesting, terrible and unique history behind all the colorful culture and rich coffees. I’ve read about it and learned first hand from Maria Cruz. It’s worth a look-up, whether or not you ever visit Little Havana or Cuba. (Same goes for any culture/country - who were the native peoples, what is their true history, whose land am I on, etc. )

Tuesday: Miami Beach Botanical Garden; South Miami Beach; Matheson Hammock Park

There are at least 5 amazing gardens one can visit in the Miami area, but the Miami Beach Botanical Garden is free! I drove the interesting highways over to Miami Beach and parked in the lot for a whopping $2/hour.

I was expecting the Gardens to be the size of the one here in Phoenix, which could easily take 2 hours to wander through. The Miami Beach Botanical Garden was probably only about ⅓ the size, but reconciled the lack of acreage with rich, lush, tropical radiance! They had a pond with fish, turtles and frogs! A Japanese style garden, a labyrinth you can walk through, various fountains peacefully cascading water and everything in bloom, green and refreshing. Just walking around was like breathing healing air.

I spent about an hour there and still had time on my car to spare, so I was like, “OK, what am I near right now? Where can I explore?” Turned out I was a 15 minute walk from South Beach, aka: the Ocean, so I headed east! Walking towards the beach, I heard dozens of languages, most of them totally unfamiliar to me, like from Eastern Europe and Asia for sure. Pretty neat.

The beach was calm, free (take notes, NJ) and very blue!! I walked to the water, sat in the sand and enjoyed the moment. I didn’t have a bathing suit on, so I just walked in to my ankles, but the water was refreshing. I would have jumped in, but I still had things to do that day and didn’t want #wetbuttcarseat.

I made my way home just in time for the afternoon shower to land. Afternoon showers are a thing in Miami during the rainy season. They usually pass in 1-2 hours, which this one did. Enough time for me to eat lunch and read a bit.

My next stop was the Old Cutler Trail, which I had read was great for biking or walking along. It was 13 miles in total, but one could start wherever and just meander. Well, I found the start of the trail in a gorgeous, historic neighborhood, but it seemed much more ideal for biking. I didn’t just want to walk in a neighborhood, so I kept driving along Old Culter just to see what I might find. This is just how I roll.

Shortly, I saw a sign for Matheson Hammock Park, aiming toward the bay, so I followed that sign. For $5, I could drive in and explore the bay area, swim and relax. It was shortly after the storm, so the place was pretty empty except for me, some lifeguards wandering around and the sunshine. Palm trees, calm beaches, a view of the Miami skyline. I explored the beach pretty intensely and witnessed all kinds of crab life happening right at the waters edge, and quite literally under my feet! It was a very lively shoreline! I watched the crab and critter bustle for quite some time! I relaxed on the picnic tables and watched the water, felt the breezes, just took in this secluded place I happened to find. I felt lucky!

Wednesday: Ancient Spanish Monastery

On my last day in Miami, I ventured to North Miami where the Ancient Spanish Monastery was situated. I guess, Dear Reader, you’ve figured by now that I’m not one to just lay on the beach for 3 days straight! Don’t get me wrong, I love the ocean, but if I have the opportunity to explore a new city, I dive in! I love any reason to wander, take pictures, see something new. So, prior to my trip, I of course researched and selected a few main sites to visit, one of them being this Monastery that just looked gorgeous. I love old buildings, things that feel European and old, and of course there is my ever-affinity to anything related to #monasticlife! Well, this monastery would prove much more interesting than I anticipated!

History from Spanish Monastery:

“Construction of the Monastery of St. Bernard de Clairvaux was begun in the year 1133 AD near Segovia, Spain. Cistercian monks occupied the Monastery for nearly 700 years. After a social revolution in the 1830's, the Monastery’s Cloisters were seized, sold, and converted into a granary and stable.

In 1925, William Randolph Hearst purchased the Cloisters and the Monastery's outbuildings. The structures were dismantled stone by stone, bound with protective hay, packed in more than 11,000 wooden crates, numbered for identification and shipped to the United States. Soon after the shipment arrived, Hearst's financial problems forced most of his collection to be sold at auction. The massive crates remained in a warehouse in Brooklyn, New York, for 26 years. One year after Hearst’s' death in 1952, they were purchased by two entrepreneurs for use as a tourist attraction. It took 19 months to put the Monastery back together. In 1953 Time magazine called it ‘the biggest jigsaw puzzle in history.’                                                           

In 1964, Colonel Robert Pentland, Jr, who was a multimillionaire banker, philanthropist and benefactor of many Episcopal churches, purchased the Cloisters and presented them to the Bishop of Florida. Today the parish Church of St. Bernard de Clairvaux is an active and growing congregation in the Episcopal Diocese of Southeast Florida.”

The photos show how beautifully restored this place is, in addition to it being basically another botanical gardens. There was a labyrinth on the grounds one could wander through and rows of perfectly planted, vibrant flowers. Moving through the Monastery was like being in a different epoch. Knowing that generations of monks silently moved through the corridors, ate in the refrectory and lived religious life within those stones was pretty amazing. Worth the visit, if you geek-out on this stuff like I do. Plus, a gorgeous place to take pictures!

En Fin

My adventure in Miami was fabulous and now I want to move there. Seriously, the green and the water, the tropical vibe got me. While I love the desert and all Phoenix has been to me, Miami felt like my next move. Next move, like give me a year or so to get my biz going, then tropics here I come! Not to mention, my brilliant sister & her fab partner Pete live there. Miami felt real good.

Te veo, Miami, te veo. Ya pronto.

[flauntpage]

Sixers Nets Game 2 Odds: Why The Sixers Will Win Game 2 But Might Not Cover

Game 1 was a letdown for both Sixers fans and bettors who trusted the process as the team clanked its way to a concerning 111-102 loss on Saturday afternoon. Brooklyn used a 20-1 run at the end of the first quarter that bled into the opening moments of the second to seize control of the game and never looked back. Among the Sixers’ concerns heading into Game 2 are Joel Embiid’s health, the team’s hideous 12% shooting from beyond the arc in the opener, and cell phones. Yes. Cell phones.

Amir Johnson

I hope it’s a good reason @RTNBA pic.twitter.com/7ycBX0Xe28

— Ty Perfect (@MrPerfect_Ty) April 13, 2019

Oh, and don’t forget hurt feelings, too. Can’t forget about hurt feelings:

Ben Simmons: "If you're a #Sixers fan and you're going to boo, stay on that side." pic.twitter.com/IWHtkHUkYy

— Rob Tornoe (@RobTornoe) April 13, 2019

Phila Unite!

Not an ideal start, for sure, but will what should be a more focused and desperate Sixers team bounce back in Game 2 to even the series? Will they bounce back in a BIG way and cover the spread? Let’s take a look at some need-to-know betting info and see what we can find out.

Odds

Here are the Game 2 odds as of 8 a.m. Monday morning:

Sportsbook G1Spread G1 Moneyline Series Winner DraftKings PHI -7.5 PHI -345 -210 FanDuel PHI -8 PHI -350 -180 PointsBet PHI -8 PHI -360 -193

Considering the Sixers were as much as a -835 moneyline favorite to win the series before Game 1, these current series prices represent a significant drop, but that’s to be expected when a team loses home-court advantage in what essentially amounts to a two-game swing after dropping the opener. If you believe in the Sixers, then the -180 series price at FanDuel has to be a pretty attractive option.

As for the Game 2 spread, the story is much the same as it was Saturday. Philly opened as a 7.5-point favorite and are now up to as high as -8 at some of the best NJ online sportsbooks.

If you’re looking for some good deals, be sure to take advantage of PointsBet’s  $50 free bet with no deposit and up to $1,000 in risk free bets with code BROADLINES. Over at FanDuel Sportsbook, they’re offering NBA Parlay Insurance. Place a bet of 4+ legs on any game during the playoffs at moneyline odds of -200 or greater. If you hit all but one of the bets, FanDuel will help ease the sting of a close call by offering a cash refund of up to $25.

Betting trends

Let’s first start with each team’s overall against the spread performance. The Sixers haven’t been a good ATS bet this season, going only 38-45. The Nets, on the other hand, were a solid spread performer, compiling a 46-37 ATS record.

The Sixers have also underperformed as a favorite, going 27-32 ATS, including Saturday’s dud, whereas the Nets are a respectable 17-12 ATS in the same role. It remains to be seen if the Nets will be favored in any game during this series, but…the more you know, I guess. More pertinent is the Sixers’ rather average 20-20 ATS performance as a home favorite as well as the Nets’ solid 26-16 ATS road record and 21-15 ATS mark as a road underdog.

Of course, these overall team performance trends don’t tell the entire story, so let’s go a little bit deeper. As for how the two teams have performed head-to-head this season, the Nets hold a 4-1 edge in covers, going 2-1 ATS on the road and 2-0 ATS at home.

The Sixers enter Game 2 between a 7 to 8-point favorite depending upon where you’re shopping, just as they were in Game 1 (prior to Embiid uncertainty moving the line all the way down to -5.5 in some places). Here’s what we know about how each team has performed this season with this specific spread range. The Sixers are 15-10 ATS when favored by at least 7 points, 10-5 ATS when favored between exactly 7 and 10 points, and 6-3 ATS when favored in the same range at Wells Fargo Center.

Meanwhile, a deeper look reveals the Nets’ impressive underdog performance isn’t quite as good with this specific line range. Brooklyn is only 8-9 ATS when a dog of 7 points or more and only 6-8 ATS when a dog of at least 7 points on the road.

Since this is the postseason, the level of competition is an important contextual factor to consider, so it’s probably worth noting Brooklyn is 25-17 ATS against teams .500 or better, 20-14 ATS against such teams as an underdog, and 12-8 ATS as a road dog. The Sixers are only 13-14 ATS when playing teams that are .500 or better as a favorite, but when the spread is 7 points or more, they are 6-3 ATS.

In terms of the No. 3/No. 6 matchup, there’s not an overwhelming trend here, but No. 3 seeds favored by at least 7 points are 24-21 ATS in first round games since 2005.

Assuming Joel Embiid does in fact play in Game 2, it will mark only the 12th time this season that the Sixers will play with Jimmy Butler, Tobias Harris, Ben Simmons, J.J. Redick, and Embiid each in the starting lineup. The Sixers are 8-3 SU and 6-5 ATS this season when those five start together.

Now, let’s look at how the results of Game 1 has impacted Game 2 from a historical perspective. I’d like to tell you teams that lose Game 1 as a favorite usually bounce back and cover in Game 2, but that really has not been the case. Follow me here. Favored higher-seeded teams that are coming off a loss in Game 1 of the first round are 21-6 SU but only 10-15-2 ATS in Game 2 since 2005. Such teams that are favored by at least 7.5 points in Game 2, however, are 17-1 SU and 9-9 ATS. Nothing earth shattering for spread bettors, but that SU mark is great news for Sixers fans. As is this: Brett Brown’s squad is 19-12 ATS after a loss and 10-4 ATS as a home favorite after a loss this season, but just know that Brooklyn’s 25-17 ATS record following a win this season is the NBA’s best mark.

Prediction

My initial thesis here was that favored teams probably come back strong and cover Game 2 because they’re embarrassed, but that simply hasn’t been the case. More specifically, I’m going to guess it’s a safe bet the Sixers won’t shoot 12% from three-point range this time around, but such a large spread still seems curious. Between the pressure, lack of bench depth, Simmons’ comments, Embiid’s injury, and the Sixers’ lack of lineup continuity and chemistry which is needed to play at a high level, this spread is just too high for my taste. I like the Sixers to win the game outright, but I’ll give the ATS nod to the Nets once again in this one.

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The post Sixers Nets Game 2 Odds: Why The Sixers Will Win Game 2 But Might Not Cover appeared first on Crossing Broad.

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[detectiveroboryan]

Day 7: Children

for @ferarepair-week2k17. it is extremely unlikely i’ll get to write the other 4 days so here’s day 7 bc i finished it

Rating; T Ship: Phila/Emmeryn

set shortly after chapter 6. featuring emmeryn, marth!lucina, and mentions of emm’s 2 kids that are merely larva at this point in time.

Emmeryn has survived another attempt on her life. It's late in the evening. Frederick has been standing exactly two steps from her side so long his knees must be stiff. Chrom has had his Shepherds do round after round around the castle alongside the guards. Their new friend Robin (which is most definitely not her real name) makes note of every window, door, and hallway she sees. Emmeryn has had the castle staff provide the Shepherds with supper but very few have eaten— Lissa, in particular, has attempted and promptly fell asleep next to her plate. There's Shepherds' new ally Gaius, a thief Emmeryn has probably seen in Ylisstol at least once, and Panne, last of the Taguel race. There's Phila, who is anywhere but by Emmeryn's side, likely interrogating her guards to see who let the assassins slip through. There's Marth at one of the tables, fiddling with two halves of a broken mask and checking the windows every five seconds like he's afraid something will burst through the glass. And there is Emmeryn, seeming serene and unshaken, presiding over the common room like the queen that she's been for fifteen years. (An Exalt is neither a king nor a queen, they say, but that is what they do nonetheless. In the end Exalt is just a title echoing sentiments about the ruler being chosen by the divine to serve the people, and just another word that has lost its meaning.)

Eventually they all retire to bed. Phila will be up for hours, no doubt, tightening the guard rotation and seeing to that cleft in the wall behind the maple grove. Or perhaps she'll station herself in the nursery, bolting and re-bolting the windows and daring anything to try and harm her children. Emmeryn does not blame her. The children are nothing short of miracles to begin with— even though they've survived this long and Emmeryn didn't worry herself into miscarrying twice, they are still young enough to be fragile and although Emmeryn will not pity Phila in the morning, she will not chide Phila for her worrisome nature.

After she convinces Frederick to get some rest and Chrom carries Lissa out of the room on his back, Marth stands to leave. He's still on edge. Emmeryn supposes she understands, but that is not all there is to it.

"Hold, sir," she says. He stiffens. She moves herself over towards him— she has always been short but Marth is at least a head and a half taller than she is, all battle-honed muscle and tendons ready to snap into action at a moment's notice.

He bows his head. "Your Grace." His voice has a huskiness to it that is not entirely purposeful; like a blade to his throat nicked his voice box and made it harsher, more gravelly than it would have been ordinarily. This is a young man who has lived through more battles than his years would lead Emmeryn to guess.

"I should thank you personally," she says. "For your part in warding off the assassins. Chrom tells me it was you who saved his life in the courtyard, and the reason he was at full strength for he fight."

Marth flushes, dark brown cheeks turning red. He really does have quite a lot of scars, at least on his face. "I only did what had to be done."

"It intrigues me," Emmeryn says. She can almost see him shiver at that— good. "That you knew."

"I am not with them," he insists. He swallows. "I know how I must look to you, skin being what it is, and given the current political climate it is only natural you would assume I am involved. But you must take me at my word, however little it may be worth, that I played no part in sending the assassins to your door, your Grace. I swear it."

Truth be told, that was her first thought, but she believes that he's telling the truth— how she knows, she isn't sure. She supposes the Brand blesses her with knowledge as much as it blesses Chrom with strength.

"I believe you," she promised. "But you must understand my… curiousity. None can see the future, and yet it seems you did. Chrom tells me that you claim as much as well. Considering divination as I know it is a time-consuming and innacurate process, I doubt that is how you know. Thus my curiousity persists. What say you, sir…"

Marth licks his lips anxiously, like his mouth has gone dry. "Just Marth," he says. 
"No surname?" Emmeryn questions.

"None worth mentioning," Marth says. He ducks under her gaze— it is not glaring or scrutinizing, but it is studying, like she's put him beneath a magnifier and is watching for flaws and irregularities.

Emmeryn supposes that is the least of her concerns. "So how is it that you see the future?" she asks. "You have my word as an Exalt that none of what you say will leave this room."

For what it's worth, that seems to reassure him. He takes a breath. Then another. "Perhaps you should sit," he suggests weakly.

"I can stand," Emmeryn tells him.

"Perhaps I should sit," he says instead. He sits on one of the low benches along the table in the room. He is too tall for it; he looks like an adult trying to sit on a chair made for a small child. For a moment he tucks his long legs under the bench, but that is uncomfortable so he sits with his knees together, slightly to the side. He fiddles with his greaves. His armor is faded steel and it once had some country's emblem upon it, but it's so damaged and faded that Emmeryn can no longer tell what it ever was. The leather is cracked and faded. The scale is tarnished. The plate is scarred and nicked and marbled from repair after repair.

He breathes. "I have seen the future because I have lived it," he says, deadly serious. "I've come back in time in order to avert a catastrophe that turned my home into a wasteland. It began with your assassination on this night. Whether this will accomplish what I set out to do or not, I have no doubts I did something." 
"And the Brand in your eye?" Emmeryn continues. Marth sits upright like she'd just splashed him with a bucket of cold water. He's staring at her like a spooked animal, like he may bolt at any minute. One hand, the good hand, twitches as if it's instinct to put it around the hilt of his sword.

Emmeryn is no fool— far from it. She's seen that sword before. She's seen it aimed at her throat and she's seen it lain in her arms and she's seen it every day at her brother's side.

Emmeryn is impassive even as Marth debates the consequences of running then and there. His hands shake involuntarily. He swallows. 
"It told me of this night," he says. "I knew I had to come back in time to prevent it. My own time is beyond saving, but this timeline— if I can prevent the End from happening here, I will be satisfied. If I can save the version of me that has yet to be born from growing into what I am—" his voice breaks. Emmeryn understands. Had she the chance, would she not save her young self from the fate she lived through?

It's a lot to take in but it all makes sense. His hands shake. He pulls a flask of something off his belt and drains it. He shakes it a little, trying to get every drop out, and scowls when he doesn't succeed.

"You've yet to be born in this timeline?" Emmeryn repeats. "To my brother?"

Marth swallows. He nods. Emmeryn's guess was correct— but it was extremely unlikely hair that shade of blue would've come from herself or Lissa. He doesn't look like he'll be able to say much more. His face is still flushed but it's because he's trying not to cry. He rubs at his eyes with a half-gloved hand while the other rests on the hilt of his sword— the very same sword that Chrom carries.

"Thank you," she says. "Whatever your reasons, House Grace owes you a debt." 
"Seeing it alive and well is enough," Marth says, and he means it. "By the time I become Exalt, everyone of the house is dead save for myself, my brother, and our cousins— though my brother's status as a Grace is up for debate. Seeing the family, my family, all living and breathing is… it's more rewarding than I thought it would be."

Emmeryn lets herself smile a bit. After all, Marth is family.

"Do you know of my children?" she asks, against her better judgement. Marth hesitates.

"To my knowledge, they are well," he says. "Many of my friends, children of the other Shepherds, came back with me, though in the process we became separated. Your sons are brave and kind in equal measure, and two steadfast allies."

That's reassuring. "I'm glad," she says. "I have no doubts they do my memory proud." Perhaps it truly was better for them that she died. Should she have died here? Long ago she had thought of falling, perhaps from a window in one of the towers— when that day comes, will she still fall?

[sorrowful-prince-pelleas]

Thoughts on Panne and Reyson

For me, one of the worst moments in Awakening is the part where, after chapter 6, Emmeryn apologizes to Panne for what happened to the Taguel.

It’s an obvious attempt to parallel the scene in Path of Radiance where Sanaki apologizes to Reyson for the Serenes forest massacre, but without the necessary effort done to execute the scene well.

First and foremost, in Awakening, we know nothing about the Taguel before the apology. And even then, all we find out (before supports) is that Panne is the last Taguel, and that they were shapeshifters. And that her warren owes Ylisse a debt. And that humans killed Taguel.

Panne I am a taguel. The… The last taguel. We are shape-shifters. Most of your kind called us “beast” or “coney” in the midst of their hunt. I only helped you because my warren owes Ylisse a debt. Do not think us friends, you and I!

Panne Yes, it’s precious little your kind seem to understand. It was man-spawn like you that invaded our warren and slaughtered my people.

But the qestions still remain. What humans? Were they Plegians, Feroxians or Ylisseans? Why does she owe Ylisse a debt? It’s not very clear, and it makes Panne’s story convoluted and hard to understand. The relationship between her and Ylisse is hard to understand - she owes them for something, and yet hates them?

On the other hand, in PoR, we find out the entire story (or what isn’t supposed to be revealed later) before meeting Reyson.

Specifically,

Nasir It begins with the assassination of the previous Begnion apostle. It was twenty years ago… One year after the declaration of emancipation was made. The leader at the time was the Apostle Misaha, who was more adored by the public than any apostle before…or since. When she was assassinated, the citizenry was wracked with grief. All of Begnion despaired. And then, a rumor began to circulate that the assassination was the work of the Serenes herons. In the twinkling of an eye, the rumor spread throughout the Begnion capital. One night shortly thereafter, it happened. The citizens grew violent. They massed at the edge of Serenes Forest, home of their supposed enemy, and set it to burn. The crowd raged on for three nights, and in the end, the heron clan was lost. and

Nasir Apostle? The remainder of the tale is yours. You stand as the empress of Begnion. You are responsible for the acts of your citizens, are you not?

Sanaki …False. The accusation was completely false.

Ike The assassination of the apostle was not the work of the Serenes clan?

Sanaki That is correct.

Nasir The heron clan possess no fighting skills. Their tribe survived by living a life of peace and piety within their forest. Unlike other laguz, they never focused on developing their strength for the purposes of combat. Anyone with any knowledge of laguz would have known such a thing. At the very least, the citizens of Begnion would have known this. However, they had lost their leader, and in their grief, they cared little for the truth. They were merely looking for some way to vent their rage and despair. Isn’t that true…Apostle?

This sets up the story - we now know what happened, and this also sets up an arc where technically, Sanaki is to blame. The relationship between her and the bird tribes is clarified as well -

Nasir Ike, the bird tribes of Phoenicis target only Begnion ships with their piracy. The ravens of Kilvas are after cargo, and so they attack everyone with equal vigor. The hawk clans, however, hold the heron clan as brethren…and still remember the false accusations. And their brutal murder.

Another thing that hurts the Awakening version is that Emmeryn is not given a story arc though this, while Sanaki is.

Sanaki is first introduced as a selfish, rude, bratty girl - she makes people’s lives difficult on the boat by hiding, she makes fun of a grieving Elincia, and waves her power as an Empress around. However, in the following chapters, you see a slowly-emerging different side to her.

She tries to help the laguz, trying to go around the Senate. She wants to restore peace, and apologize to the heron clan for what she did.

Sanaki …I’m…sorry…I am ignorant as to what words of contrition will be appropriate to one of the heron tribe. Yet I stand before you as a representative of my people… From the depths of my heart I apologize to you… I am sorry… So truly sorry…

This line especially speaks about how Sanaki truly feels - despite her arrogance and her cruel words, despite her brilliant political mind and her ability to hide so much from her Senate and her people, she’s still the 12 year old Empress that’s reponsible for a genocide.

Leanne herself, a being that can read thoughts says :

Leanne (Brother..it is enough, is it not? Forgive this child. Her apology is…so sincere.)

This all comes together to show Sanaki in a very new light.

With Emmeryn, on the other hand, it doesn’t work. When she apologizes to Panne,

Emmeryn …There is truth to your words, perhaps. I’m told that, in taguel society, everyone is treated as an equal. Mankind could have learned much from your warren. The words may come too late and mean too little, but I am deeply sorry. We have stolen your friends and family and made the world a lesser place.

Panne …You seem sincere, man-spawn. You feel my pain as your own. …I’ve never felt that before. Look at me. …See what I am. I will never trust mankind. But you… Perhaps you truly are not like the others.

It doesn’t tell you anything new about the character - it doesn’t show you a different, more forgiving, more compelling side to Emmeryn, because she has never been portrayed as anything otherwise.

Sigrun Emp-Empress Sanaki! What are you doing? You are the apostle! You cannot bend your knee to another!

Ike Peace! Let her speak her heart.

Sigrun I…um…

Reyson …

Sanaki I’m sorry…I’m sorry…

Phila Your Grace—you had no fault in this!

Panne You claim to be blameless, and yet you would apologize? Pah! Your words are but wind.

Emmeryn I know… But they are all I have.

As well, in comparing the two post-apologies, Sanaki’s feels a lot more genuine - even when dealing with a genocide, Emmeryn is peaceful and optimistic and eloquent. Sanaki seems to be barely holding it together - and it hits home a lot more.

The reactions of the retainers, while the same, don’t work to the same effect - Sigrun seems genuinely shocked - this is not only not appropriate, but this is also out of character for Sanaki.

Why is Phila reacting so dramatically? This is not the first time that Emmeryn reacted calmly and apologetically to a situation.

In chapter 5, she responds to Gangrel’s taunting by saying

Emmeryn King Gangrel, I’ve come for the truth of this unfortunate incident between us.

So being needlessly polite is in character for Emmeryn, and something that she does decently often. So again, why is Phila so bizarrely surprised?

There’s also the third aspect of this scene doing nothing for Panne’s characterization, compared to it basically changing Reyson as a person - he goes from wanting humanity destroyed

Reyson Please, give me a little time. I cannot allow these humans to remain in the forest.

Tibarn I understand how you feel, but we’re completely outnumbered. Let us wait for another day–

Reyson Once I stand at the altar, I can take care of them. Every one of them.

Tibarn You can’t mean… Are you thinking of using the forbidden magic?

Reyson …Yes. I will sing those monsters the dirge of ruin.

and

Reyson I know. This thing I intend to do brings dishonor to my house. And yet…I cannot forgive. And their past actions weren’t enough; now, they violate the sanctity of the forest without a trace of regret! Accursed humans…I will never forgive them!

to

Tibarn That was the original plan, but…Someone here insisted that we follow you. Quite unreasonably, I might add.

Reyson You treated us with courtesy, beorc. We must act accordingly. Isn’t that so, Leanne?

Leanne (Yes, Yes, brother.)

Reyson You said your name was Ike, correct?

Ike Yes.

Reyson You aided my sister and me during a time of danger. We herons hold courtesy in high esteem. We must repay our debt to you.

Ike That’s really not necessary.

Reyson We are practitioners of seid magic. We cannot fight, but we can imbue our allies with strength. If you so wish it, I will travel with you. In this way I will repay you for what you have done.

through a combination of Ike and company saving his sister and Sanaki taking responsibility for what happened. That develops Reyson as a character and makes him interesting and three-dimensional.

Panne doesn’t change. She starts out disliking humanity, and continues to do that in her supports, leaving her as undeveloped as she was when you first met her.

[i-write-fluff-not-tragedies]

Peppermint Tea

A Phil Lester Series

~ Addition One ~

Phil Lester x Reader

Peppermint Tea

You had been up all night, not finding a good way to fall asleep plus Phil would be home soon. Having paced all around the tiny flat as you waited, you got a bit tired and the nerves in your stomach didn’t go away. Finally, you settled on making some peppermint tea to help calm the nerves in your stomach. When the tea was finished you made your way to sit on the couch, sipping on the warm liquid.

This wasn’t a usual night, normally you’d be able to go to bed just fine and be up extra early to greet the boys when they came home. It wasn’t much different, you were excited but it wasn’t the only thing on your mind. That’s why you had hoped to get in a few hours of sleep, knowing that you’d be up for awhile once Phil got home. He would want to tell you all about his trip as you two fell asleep together.

As you carried on sipping your tea, you ran a hand over your stomach. Looking down at the loose fabric of Phil’s shirt that covered a big surprise. With the extra bit of weight that hung there, you knew that you wouldn’t show for a bit. You still wanted to tell Phil as soon as you could overcome your nerves. Having woken up a few days after he left, quite early in the morning with a bit of what you thought, was just a stomach bug. Then with a few more mornings the same way you decided to make a quick run to the store with your close friend, Heather, to buy a few tests. After getting many positive tests, you and Heather talked for the rest of the night what you would do. Agreeing with Heather, that you should inform him once he was home or least within the day.

You sat on our couch eager to tell Phil some exciting news once he got home. Sitting your coffee mug of tea onto the table in front of you, you relaxed into the couch.

“Y/N?” A voice tried to wake you during a much-needed sleep. Shaking your head, you snuggled deeper into the couch trying to ignore them as they said your name again. There was light talking, mostly a friendly argument as another voice was trying to get them to stop.

“Y/N?” The same voice said as you felt a slight shake to your shoulder. Groaning you shook your shoulder to get them off before peeking an eye open. Coming eye to eye with bright blue eyes and a big goofy grin.

Realising it was the man you’ve been waiting for you sat up quickly and wrapped around arms around him. Trying to study yourself as you felt a little dizzy. “Oh,” You let out a tiny whisper as your head spun a little and your stomach felt ill.

“I’ve missed you,” Phil’s voice rang through your ears as you pulled away.

You looked at him, before getting up from the couch and careful but quickly going to the bathroom. Kneeing on the floor you lifted the toilet lid before emptying your stomach into the bowl.

“Are you all right?” Phil’s accented voice asked, feeling light tickles as he gathered up your hair from around your face. You nodded as you took the ponytail holder from around your wrist and handed it to him. Carefully and loosely he wrapped her hair into a bun. “Would you like some tea?” He asked, “I think there’s still some peppermint tea.”

“Yes, please,” you told him, leaning your forehead against the toilet seat. You didn’t want to get up in case another wave of nausea hit you.

“Do you wanna stay here?” He asked, “or would you like to go to bed or the living room?” he added his voice soft as he gently rubbed your back.

You signed as your stomach began to settle, “Few more minutes,” you muttered to him. He didn’t say anything back but he continued rubbing your back.

As you started feeling better and thought it would be a good idea to stand up, nerves returning low in your belly. Phil helped stand you to your feet and checked you over, as you stared at his face. Etching into your mind how worried he looks about you before knocking into him with another hug.

“Careful, don’t want you sick,” Phil said, wrapping his arms around you and rubbing your back.

Saying you missed him was probably an understatement, he and Dan weren’t gone all that long but it felt like the months. You just wanted to climb up the stairs and into Phil’s bed and cuddle for the rest of the night. Now that you appear to be sick Phil would probably agree with the statement but you really wanted to get something off your chest.

“I’ve missed you so much,” you mumbled into his chest.

You were replied with a rumble of laughter, “I’ve missed you too,” He said giving you a squeeze and letting go. “I believe it’s time for bed,” His eyes looked worried as his meant yours.

You shook your head, “Not yet, I wanna hear about your trip,” you smiled up at him.

“Your ill, Y/N,” he said, brushing a tiny piece of her behind your ear. He was being super sweet but you really didn’t want to sleep. You felt fine and you really did want to hear all about his trip. “Do you wanna brush your teeth?” Phila asked, “I’ll see if Dan made some tea,” he smiled at you.

You frowned, “You think my breath smells bad?” You asked.

“Um, well,” He frowned a little, “Throwing up isn’t good on your teeth,” He defended himself.

You giggled, “Really?”

He nodded as you pushed him out of the tiny toilet room to brush your teeth. “Check on the tea, Lester,” you playfully glared at him as he moved to go check on the tea.

Once your breath was fresh, after almost throwing up from the toothpaste. Managing to keep it down not to alarm the boys or give away any signals, you headed up stairs.

“Your tea,” Dan handed you, your already used but filled cup of tea before you took a seat on the couch.

“Thanks,” you smiled at him.

“Once that teas gone it’s off to bed with you,” Phil said walking into the living room with a bowl in hand. He sat down next to you, “Feel better?” He asked as you noticed he was eating Dan’s cereal, again.

“Yes,” you assured him. Keeping the warm mug between your hands as you leaned against him.

“I’ll be in my room,” Dan said, by the time you looked over at him, he was already out the room.

You giggled, glancing him at Phil, “So, how was the trip?” You asked.

“It was great,” Phil smiled, he started with how awful he felt about leaving you here all alone. That he was sorry there wasn’t any way to bring you with him as him and Dan we getting things settled for their tour in American. “You would have had fun, I think,” Phil told you about everything. Even though they hadn’t went all that far awhile, he had a great time and found a way to have fun. Though, he wouldn’t be Phil if he didn’t. “It’s so exciting,” Phil said, stopping as he chewed on some cereal.

You hadn’t been drinking too much tea as you sat there listening and watching him as he talked about his adventure. “I’m glad you had a great time,” she smiled at him as he looked at you, “I’m excited for you too, I’ll have to try to come out to see you.”

“I hope so too,” Phil’s eyes light up at the thought of you joining him on tour. “How was your week here?” He asked.

You stared at him, as you bit your lip. It felt all too soon, he has only been home for an hour and you were going to lay huge news on him just like that.

“Y/N?” Phil asked worry crossed his eyes as he looked at you.

“Oh, sorry,” you muttered. “It was great, um, Heather, she came over for a little bit,” you told him, “We had a girls night, movies, and sweets,” you nodded, biting your lip. How were you suppose to tell someone this kind of news. Looking down you picked at the hem of your shorts, trying to avoid eye contact. “She stayed here a couple days, I hope that was okay,” you really didn’t think he’d mind, you were here by yourself.

“It’s fine,” Phil told you, “It’s kinda scary to be alone, here,” there was a smile on his face as you looked back up at him.

You didn’t want to crush that smile with the fact of having a baby with him. Though you couldn’t keep it a secret at some point you were going to show. You were going to have more morning sickness and you didn’t think they’d pass it off as some cold. Though you were scared, who wouldn’t be?

“Are you sure you're alright?” Phil asked.

You sat your tea cup down on the table before looking back at Phil. You nodded, leaning into and pressing your lips to his quickly.

“I’ve just missed you,” you said, hoping he’d believe it.

“You sure?” He asked, concerned as he sat down the empty bowl and turned fully towards.

“We've been together for along time,” you said, not sure where you were going, but you were hoping to get the truth out somewhere, “We’ve been together so many ways, I didn’t think it would have been possible, like for myself, that is,” You looked up at him. You could tell he was confused but at the same time, he was happy to hear you talk. “So, we’ve been through a lot then,” You went on. “We tell each other…”

“Y/N?” You could hear Dan’s voice coming into the living room. You quickly looked at him, sighing and irritated that he was ruining your moment. “Y/N, what is…” You saw what as in his hands before he held it up and you moved quickly off the couch. Nervous because you wanted to tell Phil and not have it completely ruined you snatched the stick out of his hands, glaring at him. His eyes widen as he looked at you, holding his hands up but he stayed right where he was.

“What was it?” Phil asked, eyebrows frowning as you looked back at him.

“Oh,” you said, getting a little dizzy as you hid the item, “Um, nothing just a pair of underwear,” you said, moving to sit in front of him, again.

“I’m…” you both started at the same time.

“Pregnant,” you cut him off before he could finish what he was saying.

He stared at you, not in a completely horrified way in which you thought he would be. Though he looked scared but yet, there was something else.

“What?” He couldn’t help as the corners of his mouth turned to turn into a grin.

You bit your lip, nodding, “Pregnant,” you repeated, “I, we are pregnant,” you said again.

“Woah, wow that’s…

“Disgusting,” Dan’s voice popped into the living room. “You did that when I was just across the hall?” He asked but sounded more like a statement.

You giggled as Phil blushed which made you laugh as you looked over at Dan. “Ready to be an uncle?” you asked him. Shook his head in with a playful angry face before leaving the room.

“There’s like a little person…” Phil started, “in there?” He questioned looking down towards your belly. “Like little Phils and Y/Ns?” Phil questions, with caution he brought his hands towards your belly lightly moving the shirt before poking at the skin. You let him explore this in his own way as he came to the conclusion there would be something growing there.

“Well, yes and no,” you told him, giggling at his silliness. “We aren’t having a litter of children.”

He couldn’t help the smile that took over his face as he looked back up at you. “Like a full tiny human is in here?”

You laughed before kissing his lips, again.

- Written by Caspar

[decideroffate]

Embers, New Scenes, Chap 08

A little more face time with Emmeryn before her death, and a little more backstory on Calhoun. While I did have a similar background in the chapters I’m rewriting, I realize it came too late. There was a little more added, but that’s being saved for the next chapter. Emmeryn so ships Chrom/Anali. She’s their first shipper!

"Oh dear," Traino said, bringing a hand to his mouth. "No one told you? There was an attack in Elrond, back in March. So strange, really, Plegian's chased a caravan into town, but, more-or-less, left the village alone. In the morning they found a woman from the caravan dead, and then the Prince and Princess found you, just a few miles outside of the village, covered in blood."

"What are you implying?" Anali asked, trying not to lose her temper. "You're implying that I…?"

"I'm just saying it's all so convenient," Traino said bluntly. "Let's just hope you're not trying to… run from anything."

“Traino!”

Lady Emmeryn walked into the hall with such grace and poise, Anali would have thought she was gliding. She held her head up high, and carried her face in the same stoicism Anali was accustomed to, but knew broke on occasion.

Traino uttered Emmeryn’s name under his breath before he lowered his head. “I am disappointed, Traino,” Emmeryn said plainly. “I am not expecting you get along with everyone, but I do expect chivalry. I had thought we have all moved past antagonizing.”

“O-Of course, Your Grace,” Traino said. He dipped his head once more before he walked off.

His lack of apology was not lost on either Anali nor Emmeryn. Anali heard Emmeryn let out a breath of air through her nose. “I humbly ask you not hold too much ill will towards Traino.” She held her hands to her abdomen once more. “Our last conflict with Plegia nearly left him a broken man.”

“Your Grace?”

“His son’s were drafted into the war efforts. They both died. And the with the dwindling resources, Traino was unable to care for his ill wife.” The Exalt’s blue eyes scrutinized Anali momentarily. “I’m going off of the assumption that you don’t know the bulk of what happened,” she said. Slowly, Anali nodded. “Walk with me. I realize you’ve had a long day, I’ll try to make it brief.”

Anali’s mouth opened, uttering an ‘uh,’ even if Lady Emmeryn trusted her, was it really a sage idea for them to be traveling the castle alone? She turned slightly to find Phila standing as still as a statue by the door. Why Anali half-expected otherwise, she did not know.

Phila stayed several paces behind the pair as Anali and Emmeryn walked through parts of the castle Anali had yet to see. “It started when I was young,” Emmeryn explained. “How young, I don’t quite remember. It must have been a couple of years before Chrom was born.” She shook her head, silently scolding herself for getting off track.

“I’m don’t quite remember how he got it in his head, no one told me, but Father became convinced that the Grimleal were trying to revive the Fell Dragon. He took it upon himself to put an end to that. However, Plegia is a theocracy, civilians may say they are of faith, but never once attended sermons. They are essential of faith in name only. But, there are others who are a bit more zealous than that. Many believe they are the ones to be concerned about.”

All the while, Anali politely nodded. None of what Emmeryn was saying stirred up any memory in her. Nothing about her own culture, her own people, her own religion.

“Things grew worse when an unfortunate rumor reached Father’s ear,” Emmeryn continued. “A good year before he died, Father heard that Grima had been reincarnated as a mortal man.”

Anali bit her lower lip to keep herself from laughing. “Yes, it does seem preposterous, doesn’t it?” asked Emmeryn.

“Well, surely if it were true, either we’d not be here now, or we’d be living under Grima’s rule,” Anali offered. “Even if it was true back then, wouldn’t the Grimleal have countered with the Fell Dragon?”

“As basic logic would dictate,” Emmeryn agreed, “but have never pretended to know what was going on in my father’s head. All I knew, was that people were suffering. Plegia was rightly furious for the initial attack, but our own people suffered greatly as well. As the war continued common farmers were conscripted into the war. Plegia’s mages devastated our lands. Rescores on either side were becoming scares. It was brutal for everyone involved. Only ending with my Father’s death fifteen years ago.”

It was at that moment that it really hit Anali that their parents, both of them were dead. Even their mother was likely dead by now, otherwise, Anali would have met her. “M-May I ask what happened, Your Grace?” Anali inquired.

“Murder-suicide,” Emmeryn said without hesitation. She brushed her fingers against her forehead, covering the Brand above her brow. “Did you know this mark, the Brand of the Exalt - sometimes called the Mark of Naga if you’re pretentious - appears anytime, anywhere on the body, between a few months to a year after birth?”

Anali shook her head, initially under the impression the Brand was just tattooed on. “To this day, Lissa’s Bran never surfaced. She’s rather sensitive about it, so I ask you to keep this conversation between the two of us.”

“Of course…”

“Lissa first birthday came and went, and her brand never showed. Father outright accused Mother of adultery.” Emmeryn took a moment and took in a calming breath, though she never outwardly looked worked up. “She never would have done that. Lissa was his, but her lack of a Brand and Lissa’s strong resemblance to Mother served as Father’s proof. We don’t know what happened between them, but a few months after Lissa’s first birthday they were both found dead. Mother on the floor with a letter-opener in her neck. Father hung himself.

“An estimated guess would be that their argument about Mother’s faithfulness and Lissa’s parentage became particularly heated, and Father stabbed Mother in a fit of rage. When he calmed down, he must have realized what he had done and hung himself.”

A hand flew up to Anali’s mouth, her eyes winded slightly. The first thing that came to mind was how confusing that must have been for two of the three children, the two old enough to understand. And then there was Lissa. Was she living with the knowledge that she played an indirect hand in her parent's deaths?

“I’m telling you this because I want you to understand that Gangrel’s rage is justified,” continued Emmeryn. “While both Plegia and Ylisse have recovered from the ordeal, Plegia rightfully remembers the suffering they endured. As does Ylisse. Knowing all of this, do you still think it right to fight for Ylisse?”

Anali took a moment to ponder. “I agree that Gangrel’s anger is justified,” she said at length, “but I do not see how this makes him any better than your father. No matter how you look at it, it’s the same thing. Your father struck a nation for what a minority of people may or may not have been doing. Gangrel’s doing the same thing for what one man did. So, I can’t really say either side is fully in the right. And Gangrel’s action’s today prove how far he’ll go to get what he wants. If he goes any farther, I fear he might be a danger to his own people.”

Emmeryn blinked twice as she realized Anali had finished talking. Her stoicism broke slightly as she smiled warmly and patted Anali on the shoulder. “I appreciate your insight, Anali. And I thank you for your time. I will not hold you for much longer, please, get some rest. We are in for a long day tomorrow.”