#((it's literally the most insidious 'no way out' on here lol

[darling-i-read-it]

Whispers

Dalton Lambert x fem!reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: insidious 5 spoilers, literally i think tahts it 

Author’s Note: In theory this is a part 2 to blue paint but honestly could be written by itself if you just squint lol. Everyone wanted me to write more for dalton and i was at WORK people but i am here to provide a plotless fluff. An old classic style of mine 🫡Also this fic could literally be called ‘maya googles whispered synonyms’ 

Everyone that asked to be tagged <3 : @geeksareunique, @chaoticxbee, @snixx2088, @ellaneyt, @bespinnn, 

Summary: The night you and Dalton just kind of let your relationship silently grow to avoid the horror of his situation. 

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director/creator

(not my gif)

You could feel sleep starting to overtake you. It was in your eyes, the drooping of your lids as you sat against the twin bed. Dalton was sitting on the ground as well, across from you. You narrowed your gaze at him, pursing your lips. You both had class in the morning. He still had blue paint stained on his face. You had leaned him over the sink and scrubbed to no avail. Finally you had both given up, conceding to his embarrassment in the morning. 

The sticky heat of the day had given way for the night chills. You could feel the difference in the cracked window. The breeze had started to get to you so you threw a blanket over your shoulders. 

Dalton, not wanting to fall asleep, sat across from you with a hoodie on. 

“Uno.” 

“No way,” you muttered. You looked at the cards in front of you, a large stack turned upwards and a yellow 7 card on top. “You just had like 15 cards. Take off your hoodie.”

“No!” Dalton exclaimed, laughing a bit. 

“You’re cheating. There’s no way I missed that. I��m literally the only other person here,” you offered. He shook his head. The clock was ticking away past midnight. 

“It’s late, you’re just starting to get delirious.” You shook your head, tossing your stack of cards down beside you. Usually you would never let a game go, especially one that was decently close. But you weren’t sure if you were even going to wake up to your alarm in the morning, let alone go to class. 

“Am not.” 

“I told you to go to bed hours ago.”

“Didn’t want you to sleepwalk on me,” you muttered. 

“Astral project.” 

“Whatever.” You looked up at the window. You could see the moon outside tonight in the clear sky. It had been a while since you saw the nighttime in a peaceful way. You were so used to being passed out by the time any kind of sereneness came along, or at a party trying not to pass out. It had been too long since it was just you and the night sky. And Dalton. 

Your phones were laying on the bedside table, out of the way and silent. You told Dalton to call his mom but he refused. He said he could do it on his own. He was probably just overreacting, he promised you. Overreacting didn’t make someone stay up late before an 8:30 class but you decided not to mention that. 

“I think I’m out D,” you muttered through a yawn. He nodded. He still looked wide awake, sans the bags under his eyes. 

“I wish we had a TV in here.” 

“Then we could watch Nightmare on Elm Street,” you joked. He half smiled, one of his cute little smirks. When you came to college you never thought you would admire these quieter nights the most. 

“Yeah.” You stretched, trying to shake the sleep out of your eyes. 

“I think I’m still gonna try to go to class tomorrow.”

“You know I don’t have a choice.” You nodded once and stood up, stretching. You felt your body expand as a satisfying calmness came over your body. Dalton grabbed the uno cards at your feet and started to put them in the box. “My last card was red by the way. You could’ve won it.” 

“Rematch tomorrow,” you suggested. You put your blanket over the empty bed. It looked like it hadn’t been slept in. There was no indent of a human having been there, no one having a good night's sleep. Though it didn’t look exactly comforting, it also didn’t look unappealing to your tired mind. Dalton had given you one of his pillows. You plugged in your phone beside you and glanced over at Dalton’s side of the room. You had looked at his drawings before but never studied them. 

Things seemed clearer at night. 

There was a picture of his mom at the piano above his pillow. He was moving around, shuffling, getting ready for bed and doing the last things he needed to. His head obscured your view. 

“She’s beautiful,” you whispered. “Your mom.” He looked at his sketch like he had forgotten it was there. 

“Thanks,” he muttered. His eyes lingered for a moment. You wanted to ask if he missed her but you didn’t. Putting him in that sort of emotional position would’ve been too much for so late. “She writes music. I remember when I was a kid she would sit at the piano when she had a moment to herself. My dad was always working so I guess I thought it was her job.” He shrugged. His eyes moved away.

“She sounds like a nice lady.” 

“She is. She deserves better than that guy,” he grumbled. He sat down on his bed. You were still sitting on yours. You hadn’t climbed under the covers, even though the cold was nipping at your arms. Chris’s words lingered in your brain for a bit, the prospect of staying in the same twin bed. You shook it off and went to grab the edge of the blanket. 

Dalton’s eyes stayed on you. He didn’t want to go to bed yet. 

“Do you mind the night light?” he asked, voice laced with exhaustion and a little embarrassment. 

“Nope. I like a little mood lighting.” You climbed under the covers. Once your head hit in the pillow it was like relief flooded through your bones. You reached up and turned off the lamp beside the bed. You could still see the outline of Dalton. His face, his hair. “I like your hair when it’s down,” you whispered. Your voice was gentle, slightly fueled by the lack of sleep. You could see him turn to look at you as he was getting under the covers. You nuzzled your head into the pillow. 

“Thank you,” he muttered, awkwardly. You smiled. You liked it when he squirmed a little bit. 

“I set an alarm.” 

“Okay.” There was a silence. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight Dalton,” you whispered. Your name hung on his lips but he didn’t say it out loud. Instead he just watched as your eyes shut into an even calmness. The contours of your face were illuminated by his night light.

He rested his cheek against the pillow. 

He admitted to being potentially dangerous to you and you stayed. He felt safer with you. Like he wasn’t in this alone. 

You fell asleep in 15 minutes. He could tell because your face was completely relaxed. There was no tenseness in your features, no worries about anything except getting rest. When he was positive you had drifted off he sat up, grabbing his sketchbook off the center table. 

He had drawn nothing but dark memories lately. A red door with blood haunted him. A face he didn’t recognize but one that he knew, watched him sleep. After the darkness flooding his brain he was happy to think of his mom. He was happy to remember her when she was tranquil. He liked the sketches that were less cursed. 

He started to sketch you. 

His eyes adjusted to the darkness easily. Maybe if he was super tired the next night then he wouldn't be able to dream or astral project. Just sleep. He wouldn’t mind spending tonight sketching you with observing eyes. He drew your hair as it fell in front of your face. The way your fingers gripped the blanket. Your eyes, fluttering with dreams. He wondered what you were dreaming of. He wondered if you ever dreamt of him. 

Just the thought brought a redness to his cheeks. 

He grabbed his airpod to put on some music. 

The room was so still. 

Your blanket touching the ground. The wind from the cracked window. Your even breathing, mixing with his, the only living sounds in the space. His dried paint on the table. The light from the hallway seeping in under the door. His unpacked bag at the foot of your bed. 

Your bed. That wasn’t your bed. That was an empty bed, one that would be filled by anybody. 

He sketched your nose. 

That could be your bed. He had nothing against that. A sleepover every night, a buddy to help protect him from the nightmares. He thought of his parents. His brother. His little sister. He was safe. 

He turned the focus onto your closed eyes. He was listening to some indie rock or something, whatever he had playing from earlier. He wondered what kind of music you listened to. 

You moved. You hummed under your breath, eyes fluttering open. It hadn’t been that long since you fell asleep, maybe only an hour. It was two in the morning.

You forced your eyes open. Dalton was still awake, sitting against the wall. 

“Still can’t sleep?” you whispered. The sleep remained in your eyes. 

“Not sure where I’ll float too.” You nodded. You slowly sat up, keeping your blanket around your shoulder. “What’re you doing?” he whispered. Speaking any louder would break the muffled moment. 

You shuffled over to his side of the room. He looked up at you, shielding his sketchbook. You barely noticed it. You stood at the side of his bed. There was a beat where neither of you moved. You nodded towards the bed. 

“Lay down.” He squinted, unsure of what your intentions were. He put the sketchbook on the side of the bed, onto the floor. He had it facing the ground so you wouldn’t see your face. He couldn’t let you know how he perceived you quite yet. 

He did as he was told. When he was comfortable you moved his blanket aside and got under the covers. You put your blanket over his so you had double the warmth. 

Dalton froze. 

Did he put his hand on you? Did he just let you be? He had to touch you, there was no way he could sleep here, stiff as a board, all night. 

“I don’t have cooties D,” you whispered. You easily got comfortable beside him. Your eyes stayed open as you looked at him, straight ahead. “You can touch me,” you said, even lower, so much so that your voice almost gave out. “If this is okay.” 

“It’s okay,” he promised. You smiled sleepily. 

He put his hand on your side and you pushed yourself closer to him. You took the initiative and placed your hand over his waist. He moved so that you could nuzzle yourself into his chest. He tried not to breathe too heavily but he was sure you could hear his heart beating out of his chest. 

“Sleep,” you breathed. “I’ll keep you grounded.” 

His breath hitched. He finally closed his eyes. 

He fell asleep quickly with you in his arms. He remained in his spot the whole night, the first time in a week. 

[bigskydreaming]

My TW fandom experience:

*Everyone watches the exact same episode where Scott McCall says what if we dont kill people tho and after much deliberation, its agreed lets not kill people this episode and this is the only reason most former villains and fan favorites stick around and become the pack's new besties instead of being written out of the show due to the pack's initially proposed solution of Ready Set Murder*

Most of fandom: Well that was terrible. He's literally the worst. They should've just killed the villains, problem solved, why is he so dumb. Inquiring minds want to know.

Also most of fandom:

*writes fics where nobody cares what Scott says or thinks because they all agree, he's literally the worst, so dumb, why is he even here*

*fics remain mysteriously populated by all the characters everyone says the mains should absolutely have murdered to fix all their problems and the only reason they didnt in canon is Scott insidiously mind-controlled his friends into non-homicidal compliance*

Scott fans: .....hang on. I'm confused.

Most of fandom: What's confusing dumbass, literally why would they kill the villains that are hot and white and shippable instead of just making friends with them so that sometimes they can get married and have kids? Its called letting people change and grow, even mass murderers deserve redemption arcs. Also I dont know if you know this but murder is bad, plz read more books. LOL why are Scott fans like this.

Scott fans: Wait. But didn't all the characters want to murder that villain you made the central character and one half of the hero pair of 70% of the fics written last season? So who said what if we dont kill people tho and got everyone to change their votes from Ready Set Murder to Redemption Arc Marriage and then maybe babies?

Most of fandom: Umm, Stiles? Obviously. LMAO. Do you even watch the show?

Scott fans: Okay, but Stiles was the one who pitched Ready Set Murder. It was his plan. So who was like what if we dont kill people to Stiles, so that then he said wait guys lets not kill people?

Most of fandom: Oh that was Peter. They have a special bond. He gets him.

Scott fans: Right. So did Peter sell Stiles on the whole lets not kill people thing before he killed his niece and then like ten other people? Or was it after that.

Most of fandom: Before. No! Wait. After! Yeah, it was after that.

Scott fans: Got it. So who said what if we dont kill people to Peter to get him to agree lets not kill people which he definitely did since he definitely did not continue to kill people all the way to the end of the show?

Most of fandom: .....Deucali....

Scott fans: *squint one eye*

Most of fandom: .....heo....?

Scott fans: *squint both eyes*

Most of fandom: Derek! Right, yeah. Derek, it was definitely Derek.

Scott fans: Oh okay. Derek said lets not kill people to Peter. I'm assuming after he killed Peter, since I mean, it wouldn't make much sense for him to be all hey what if we dont kill people to Peter and then literally kill Peter haha. We can at least agree on that much, right?

Most of fandom: I don't know that we can, actually.

Scott fans: Well, let's just say that it was after he killed Peter and thus after Peter came back. Which does make sense, I guess, I mean, at least that was also after he gave his pack the Go Kill Lydia assignment for their werewolf homework....

Most of fandom: Whoa, whoa, hold up. That has nothing to do with any of this. It was a totally different situation because Derek didnt WANT to kill Lydia, he HAD to kill Lydia. She was turning into an evil murder lizard, what was he supposed to do?

Scott fans: She quite literally was not.

Most of fandom: Okay but see he THOUGHT she was, which is basically the same thing.

Scott fans: Is it tho?

Most of fandom: Yes. Look, he was like, 60% sure it was her and that's over half sure so that's a reasonable conclusion to make at that point. Anyone would have made that mistake.

Scott fans: Except for Scott. Because he's so much dumber than everyone else.

Most of fandom: Yes! Exactly.

Scott fans: So when Scott said what if we dont kill people to Derek, and stopped him and his pack from killing Lydia, because murder is bad and Derek even agrees, its not like he WANTED to kill Lydia, he just HAD to kill Lydia because she was probably an evil murder lizard and what else was he gonna do.....Scott only said and did that because he was too dumb to come to the conclusion everyone smarter than him would reasonably come to....which was that Lydia had to die, even though murder is bad and she was maybe potentially not even technically an evil murder lizard?

Most of fandom: Right. So it doesnt count.

Scott fans: But it was good that he stopped them from killing Lydia though, right? Cuz everyone likes Lydia, and also, she wasnt actually the evil murder lizard, that was Jackson, and also, they turned out to not actually need to kill Jackson to stop him from being the evil murder lizard?

Most of fandom: ....yes but no. Like yes to all of that, but he was still wrong, is the point. So no.

Scott fans: So -

Most of fandom: Look I dont think you're getting it?! OMG, okay. I don't know if I can dumb it down any further, but lemme give it one last shot. 1) Murder is bad. 2) Even hot white villains deserve redemption arcs. 3) And Scott is terrible. There. Its really that simple lol.

Scott fans: Okay. So everyone deserves redemption. Any character can be better if the other characters give them a chance. Even mass murderers.

Most of fandom: Right.

Scott fans: But Scott is irredeemable. There's nothing that can make him any better so other characters shouldn't even bother giving him a chance. Because he's terrible.

Most of fandom: Also correct.

Scott fans: Because he's always saying murder is bad and what if we dont kill people tho.

Most of fandom: YES. Finally. Now you're getting it. Honestly, what was so hard about that.

[synthville]

think what pisses me off the most about seven and raffi is that it would’ve been so easy to have them be in a long distance relationship (a mention here and there, space skype, having raffi include seven when speaking on family and vice versa etc) and not have it affect the greater story at all. yet they just. didn’t try in the least.

a canon gay ship that ended the previous season deciding to finally give their relationship a try, opens the new season with nary a word and im supposed to clap? make that make mf sense because im not getting it! what’s worse, they never actually reveal what happened between them to cause the split and when they finally meet, they move around each other like fucking strangers. just giving absolute nothing.

and the show pretending their relationship just fizzled out is such nasty work. like the way they played it with no intimacy, hardly a personal word, a lack of privacy, no references to their relationship or why it dissolved (professionalism my ass!) plus the worlds most awkward chaperoned post break up convo was all so intentional and insidious. might as well have come out and said fuck the gays lol.

because there was literally no reason to not have them at least try. wouldn’t have affected the show in any way other than injecting some much needed joy into a lifeless, uneven season filled with old things presented anew. but not engaging with them and dragging things out (10 episodes that could’ve been a fucking email) was cruel, obvious and beyond unnecessary.

and, as the show is over, the fact that they’re on the same ship does little to curb my annoyance because in truth, it means nothing.

[meteorherd]

hiii it is midnight so i'm gonna do this tag game that i've been sitting on for a month sorry @schoolhater 💔 but i want to make the effort i miss tag games :')

last song listened to: telephone wire from fun home....i don't have many musical numbers saved to my library but god...songs that make you disintegrate (positively) (painfully)

currently watching: i literally juuust finished catching up with good omens with my friends because one of them (hi jerm) wanted to show it to us for the first time! i'm also currently in the middle of heaven's official blessing/tgcf at another good friend's (vithu!) behest....and i also just finished up young justice (💔 trying not to put commentary for all these shows so this doesn't end up super long but GOD it's Bad) with my buddy robin. i also have plans to start watching season 1 of chucky later this week 😈

also want to put in some movies i've seen recently so here are my most recent 5: halloween (1978), 2001: a space odyssey (1968), the lobster (2015), insidious (2010), palm springs (2020). probably liked space odyssey the best out of all of these lol but the lobster was very weird in a way i liked

currently reading: delicious: the evolution of flavor and how it made us human, by rob dunn and monica sanchez! it's fascinating though a bit eurocentric. currently reading a chapter on how french monks pioneered cheesemaking techniques 👍🏾

current obsession: probablyyy better call saul, i just finished watching it a month ago and he is forever rotating in my brain. jimmy-chuck dynamic in particular drives me a special kind of insane i cannot even begin to express. also uhm this is currently my most used discord emoji so probably him too

^dead chucky

tagging @astagfirulah @soulproof @levitated-ruin @vwampires @cirrates 👍🏾 i never really know how many people to tag but 5 seems like a good number

[lesbianlenas]

i finished playing totk i did every side quest & adventure all the shrines went to all the caves mapped out all of the depths filled out the whole compendium and i can def say that it has beaten out botw as my favorite game ever bc it is literally botw but like 10x better lol. i would lump them in together as number 1 though just to make it easier if i was going to make a list. but anyway i started playing dark souls 2 and here is the thing…..is it easier than dark souls yes i can tell it is for sure bc i died WAY more in dark souls at this stage & i also just defeated the first boss w/o dying lmao. BUT. the fact that your heath bar goes down 5% every time you die is the most insidious game mechanic i have ever seen…..like oh you’re dying a lot? now you’ll die more bc you have less health 😊 esp in a game part of a series as notoriously hard as dark souls…..like it genuinely makes me kind of mad fr that they did that like was it necessary? was it kind?

[ruakichan]

Tumblr wanting to implement a more invasive algorithm absolutely depresses me in a literal way.

I left Twitter because of algorithms; it was fucking with my head to try to game it to get my art out there and just constantly failing. Seeing that I couldn't get eyeballs on my stuff because of whatever invisible reasons I couldn't fulfill instead of organically made me doubt myself, my abilities, and my ideas--things I'm still unpacking to this day. It's one thing if people just don't like my stuff; it's another if the only way they can even see my stuff is cause I have to play the algorithm. The popular things will always be at the forefront, and they remain there, while the little guy is sight unseen. Despite what pretty language Tumblr dresses it up in, the algorithm will always favor "popular"--it absolutely will not help small time users or "get them out there" short of 'character of the day.' It made me think, what is the point? Why bother? I will never Be Good Enough. I will never Succeed(tm). I found myself thinking less about my taste and ideas and more about "what do people want to see that will make the like and RT?" I don't even sell my art! I had no tangible need to be popular or seen! This is how badly trying to make the numbers go up got to me!

I hated it. I hated having to rely on some outside equations and "going viral" rather than on my own merits. I hated myself--that I couldn't meet the numbers my peers were getting, because I'm so old school that I think my art should speak for itself instead of me having to perform as An Artist(tm). I'm not interested in drama or hot takes or spectacle; I just wanna express my love for my blorbos. But that isn't how the climate is now, and I hated how all this became another metric on Why I Fail At Art and I Will Never Compare.

In the end, I nuked my long-time Twitter-- which I had created before it was cool--and my outlook noticably improved. I have no regrets about it, even if I had lost contact with most of my fandom friends and community. I 100% don't want to go back to that mindset. I don't want it here in my last bastion. I enjoy drawing again--drawing the ideas I want to and not thinking about the numbers while appreciating what kudos I do get. I don't want to go back.

This isn't even mentioning seeing shit I don't care about from people or tags I don't follow. I don't need help "discovering" things; I can think for myself, thanks. I hate how insidious advertising is in everything now--and that's what this is: a form of advertising.

Ugh, what is this race to the bottom by socmed? The other sites are on fire and Tumblr is going, "hold my pink fizzy drink." Yet every change by Tumblr just makes the hellsite more difficult to use in the name of trying to make it more user friendly lol. Only Tumblr would fail upwards w. Really too bad PF never took off.

Anyway, I usually don't drop artist wangst in public, but seeing that post was really gut-wrenching. Just allow me to succeed or fail on my own, without interference.

[cherryblossomshadow]

#and this is why twilight is a horror story rather than a romance #it's about bella being seduced into vampiric mormonism #genuinely mormonism is so insidious (tags courtesy of @lavender fables)

.

#hi yes exmo here extremely good post #mormons LOVE to see and portray themselves as victims and outcasts bc of their traditions #comes from a long cultural heritage of being run out of settlements for doing polygamy and child marriages #they very firmly believe that they are the only ones who uphold the TRUE traditions of Jesus's Church #and that because of this everyone even other christians see them as a threat

#every single one of them thinks theyre daniel in the lions den #and they fail to see that in modern times #with their fat coffers and dogmatic dedication to normalcy and americana and tradition #that they are the lions (tags courtesy of @gandalfsbignaturals)

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#also I feel like people generally dont realize how much disproportionate influence mormonism has for a fundamentalist cult #most people will go “oh they're just weird but at least they're niche” #the mormon church owns the most valuable real estate portfolio in the US and has become a global empire #look up the list of wealthiest religious organizations on wikipedia #anyways (tags courtesy of @the-huldra-king)

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#LITERALLY YES #Jacob was such a waste of a character he was so well written until he wasn’t #they turned him into a wolf. a werewolf. they made him violent do you understand how upsetting this is #the wolves were such a good concept but she ruined it by making them the violent #impure ones #Edward is borderline abusive #the cullens are lowkey a cult #like yeah the same could be said about the wolves #but when you really look at the cullens (or vampirism as a whole in the books) it’s very cult-like #as a dark romance book I can set it all aside #but as a critic of fiction all of the characters were essentially “great until it wasn’t”

#on a slightly unrelated note #no one ever acknowledges how Bella’s is clearly affected by her parents’ divorce and their dynamic #like that shit genuinely messed her up #k I’m done talking now sorry for the long rant Mr. Menace lol (tags courtesy of @soupydoopie)

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#yeah. #some good and interesting considerations to be had re: ‘she was just never meant to be human’ #because yeah. she looks down on the other girls she doesn’t even try to make friends with anyone but Jacob it’s all so outside of her #and if smeyer like. cared. about Bella as a character that would say something about her- either that she can’t fit in socially or that she #is just incredibly arrogant towards her peers. and it says nothing instead #because Bella has to be normal and relatable but she also has to be sympathetic #again- it’s as if being ‘normal’ and all the things that should make her socially acceptable are somehow viewed as repellent #as if she’s counterculture by being normative. #everyone ELSE is weird and foreign and childish to Bella. it can never be her. but also she’s special because she’s NORMAL #and it’s all so. inverted. and that’s incredibly frustrating to me

#because I remember reading these books and getting so annoyed because truly. who is Bella. #what are her defining traits? she’s shy? she’s clumsy? she’s kind apparently? she’s deeply emotional? and yet. #these are very human things in comparison to the cullens. they’re graceful; logical; confident #though they apparently also feel deeply they don’t let it get in their way #and it’s like. okay.

so what we’ve done is recreate the myth of the white superior being. #twilight (tags courtesy of @metronomeblue)

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#OO #perfectly said #thinkin bout edward as free will & bella's choice except her freedom was only found in annihilation of herself - #for the sake of what she perceived what be a perfect and beautiful eternity

#even as a kid reading the books i remember feeling that the most natural thing was for bella to live her life with jacob #jacob represented the warmth of the sun. the bright happy smile. the loving community of werewolves. the way he accepted bella #they were actual friends with mutual interests and shared humor #but smeyer nerfed him like he was the creepy incel bff even though that's not who he was at first!!!!

#i say that to say tho that it always felt like twilight was at its core a tragedy. not a love story lol #she sacrificed the warmth of blood and going into sunlight. the warmth of arizona. the warmth of brown eyes and being alive #for coldness. cold pale and dead cullens. marble skin. red eyes. corpses doomed to walk the earth outside of all human society.

#i love this idea for a vampire love story of your cold moonlight lover but like bro smeyer did NOT write that story lol #she wrote a sad ass horror story about a girl who gives up everything endearing about humanity - #her girl bff that wanted to dress shop. the boys at school that played pranks. jacob & his love and motorcycles. cooking food for her dad. #you see her choose this “forever” that feels so fucking hollow and dystopian #like i stg even the metaphor of the meadow scene is like… the flowers bloom in her memories with edward. but they still die too. #like all living things are meant to. #she chose an artificial world that surpassed death where she was kept alive and had to fake her death to everyone else and for what?

#i just see the mormon plight of a young woman who wants to be chosen and loved for time and all eternity - existing in purity forever #living and dying her whole life for the sake of temple marriage. and genuinely believing all other love is simple compared to that.

#bella had so much fucking disdain for everything else and wanted to be a vampire so bad and i feel like the book wanted us to think #that she just never quite fit in with humans and was never meant to be one yknow & that's why. #but this is a TEENAGE girl. she never even got the chance to live!!! she met a boy & believed she found her forever! #veneration of the eternal means nothing when the love you sacrifice for to be with them means you give up everything else #poor bella was depressed af and found her reason for living with edward except the fuckin tragedy is it WASNT living. it was cold death.

#this story is a mf tragedy & everything in this post speaks to it & how it's informed by mormonism #it really is giving “the mormon girl who sacrifices the worldy shit for the eternal” #she should've never touched vampirism bitch she made this shit white supremacist lowkey #lowkey highkey #purity politics is written all over it. purity in a racism sense as well. and purity about “traditional family” type shit. (tags courtesy of @tw1stedthicket)

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#there is a big thing right now with trad couples trying to brand their lifestyles as counterculture #the degenerate mainstream wants you to go to college and get a job and be a feminist … staying home and being a wife and mother is punk : #steering the craft (tags courtesy of @tofixtheshadows)

despite being what we as observers can understand as an extreme example of traditional family + relationship structure, the cullens are notably outcasts in forks. in contrast, bella's father has ties to the werewolves, and states several times that he would prefer bella date jacob. in the events of the story, jacob, an indigenous teenage boy in a jarringly white story, seems to represent imposed normalcy. he becomes more of a sexual threat + subsequent racial caricature as meyer becomes less confident in the reader's understanding that edward and bella are endgame, and is eventually completely destroyed as a character in order to further the idea that choosing edward represents free will for bella (consider imprinting). what we recognize as traditionalism in our world is treated in the world of twilight as something that will forever other you from the rest of the world. the vampires are written as if they are countercultural, even though they aren't. edward even has a whole thing where he says romance was simpler in his time — this is not subtle. all of the cullens are white, pseudoincestuous, and withdrawn from society. does this make sense like do you see what i'm saying here. related: does anyone else think mormonism is scary.

[ileftherbackhome]

like this is not meant in an insulting tone at all just fyi

because i wasn't prepared for her to be insistent on dodging accountability while she admits to making mistakes tbqh.

a lot of the tone on this record feels like "this is everyone else's fault except mine" and although the prologue does admit that she was fucking stupid last year, it still takes on a sympathetic "my mental health excuses this" tone that doesn't actually do as much to hold her accountable as she would like.

it's one thing to emotionally cheat and lie and manipulate situations to fit your narrative. its quite a fucking nother thing to act like you did nothing wrong at all even as you detail all the ways in which you make selfish decisions. idk, when i make mistakes, usually im aware that ive made a mistake if not during it, immediately after and i do shy away from the fact that it was a mistake.

and i do think her explanation in ms americana can explain a lot of this, especially when she talks about how her black and white thinking led to her eating disorder. she says that she wants to be a good girl so this record kind of shows how she twisted everything she did wrong into a "good" or justified behavior. it's classic disordered thinking that i really wish she would get professional help for because she needs to get over this mentality of "bad things happen to me and im powerless to stop them"

she made like 5x the amount of money joe did. she moved to london of her own accord. she could have left at literally any fucking time, unless he was physically abusing her there is no reason for her to be scared of leaving him if she's so unhappy she's dreaming of fucking her "best friend" for months into years before actually doing it.

she acts like any public criticism of her behavior is a "crucifixion" of her instead of her fandom holding her accountable when she messes up and makes mistakes. She thinks critique of her flaunting a man who uses slurs publically is "viper" behavior instead of her fandom being hurt that she hears people say slurs and fucks them as a reward for it.

it's such whiny, teenager behavior that i am genuinely SHOCKED she hasn't grown out of by now. idk its interesting to me that she released 2 hours of music because i feel like it shows how much of a fake product her other albums are in the sense that she polishes and tidies up the narrative on those records to not leave any room for criticism of her behavior at all. whereas this album is raw and unfiltered and i would be shocked if this wasnt the whole "vault" for this era. maybe there are like a few more songs (a short leash and a short fuse is interesting af idk if its ttpd or rerecording easter egg tho) but i doubt she wrote more than 30 full songs in the 10 months it took her to put this album together.

and i think the fact that she was like release it all is so interesting to me because it shows a desire to actually grow up and hold herself accountable and show all parts of her personality the good the bad and the fucking insidious.

and i genuinely love her for it, this is the most mature album she has ever released and i adore the courage it took for her to stand up and take a good hard look at herself and be like yea actually i am a fucking villain sometimes let me show all the ways im fucked in the head since yall have been begging for it for years anyways and making up your own theories so here is the truth.

and its great. its fantastic i adore this album for the complexity of it all.

but i also hate how much anger i feel listening to her whine about how she had no other option but to emotionally cheat for years cause she's just a wittle baby. i too contain multitudes lol anyways the joe quote made me so sad and this is the result

[sincerely-krp]

while i know most of the darkstt, rupes, and non-clique insidious members likely will never say anything about this all on the blogs, i deeply appreciate the darkstt members for coming forward! it's nice and fresh hearing from this side of the whole 'aus being torn apart' era.

i had never heard of darkstt before this, i think someone mentioned their aff was taken down and im usually only on tumblr so that's probably why, but it goes to prove that rps like darkstt or rupes being trashed on the blogs always indeed have another side to them. it's such a shame to think either of their reputations had gotten tarnished from this, or that the reason both krps were considered super slow or dead was because people refused to give them a chance.

while i don't want to encourage being shown this document, i do want to say i find it admirable that there are admins who weren't afraid to call out insidious admin's horrid behavior to protect one of their own members. i remember thinking it was so weird, all of the stuff coming out about insidious members and admins babbling about their intellectual property. this is krp, none of this is copyrighted to begin with lol.

i think it goes without saying they loved to use terms like that and assert themselves as super literate and important and above everyone else........... which is kind of the definition of elitist. in my opinion, them trashing the other au krps was just them being insecure about the fact they blew their chance to be a part of those communities. it should be brought up, and talked about here, because as much as the au krp community recognized how problematic and untrustworthy they are, they still believe all the shit those people said about harmless au krps at the time. it's absolutely a large reason why people are afraid to build au krps, because someone might trash them.

their grudges go DEEP if they were handling muns from those places the way they did in paradigm.

even now when i meet someone i can tell they're from insidious/paradigm by how they act. i've only ever met writers that i later find out were from one of the trashed au krps after getting to know them, and they're always somehow the best writers in the krps and also the quietest. i can see how a whole krp of writers like them would be super slow, but not problematic!

・❥・

[tankman]

I have some unresolved feelings and I know SOMEONE is an annoying fucking stalker and could easily see this so why not.

Hi I'm Harvey, and 80% of the 10 people total who will see this probably have no idea what I'm talking about here.

But this isn't for them. This is for me.

You're the worst most insidious goddamn manipulator we've ever known. We felt insane so often felt like we couldn't trust ourselves for shit.

The worst part is, if we still believed that you actually loved us, we would've kept falling for all of your fucking tricks for god knows how long.

Your fatal mistake: You couldn't keep your goddamn mouth shut.

You claimed we were being told lies but you know what's so incredibly telling? That whole time I was packing up our shit, you couldn't stop begging me to know WHO told us that you didn't love us.

How many people did you complain to, huh? That you couldn't even BEGIN to guess who might've finally said it.

Who finally told us that you admitted to them in clear words that you were using us as a getaway plan and that you weren't fond of us anymore and found us annoying and rude.

If that truly doesn't narrow it down for you then I don't know what to fucking say. That's two years of our life wasted on a guy who apparently didn't fucking care.

You created a culture in our friend group(s) of distrust and dishonesty. It was exhausting. We participated in the lies and the talking behind peoples backs, I'm not going to pretend we didn't willfully add to it. We regret it and have distributed several well deserved apologies. But did you know, setting boundaries with you just doesn't fucking work? Because you make people feel intensely guilty and afraid for daring to have them. We told you we were uncomfortable with the lengths you were going to a few times, and you always made it about you.

You immediately (albeit loosely) tried to turn one of our best friends on us for that. Luckily she's a kind and understanding person. "Good luck being his friend" well. I have the same thing to say to your bestie, man. Truly good luck, I literally genuinely hope he doesn't fucking do the same things to you he did to us.

That's general grievances. Not even my personal ones yet, Lol.

"I ALWAYS wanted to be Harvey's friend" you goddamn disgusting liar. You told me outright MULTIPLE times that you were uncomfortable with me as an alter and wished I would age up you said you wished I would age up to my FACE and still thought that I would believe you that you "always" wanted to be my friend.

You only wanted to be my "friend" when it became clear we were missing our old friend, y'know. The one that actually treated me like a human fucking being with feelings. The one you felt so intimidated by that you had us cut them out of our life.

No other littles felt safe enough to show up because of you. You're probably relieved you never had to meet them and pretend to tolerate them. You on your fucking high horse of being so much better than us and everybody else.

We're doing a lot better now. Even Rob was feeling relieved before he decided that he couldn't handle life anymore.

I could keep going forever, I think. But just getting my thoughts on paper like this helped. It also helps to know that if we were having a real conversation you'd have soooo many arguments and ways to spin this on it's head and make it look like we're at fault like you did with every single argument we ever had but you won't get that chance. You're not allowed to manipulate us anymore. You can talk to whoever you want about how awful of a person we apparently are, but you can't twist us. Never again.

We have amazing friends who actually love and care about us and aren't afraid to say it, who make it obvious every single day and none of us feel like we have to say awful things about each other, it's great. So. Bye. I'm not sorry.

[ferineelegance]

((morbidly hilarious how, at least currently, the verse with the darkest hypothetical endings on here is freakin fuzors verse. Not RDR, or any of the more default ‘mature’ verses, no. The freakin verse that spawned from the obscure, cheapo, afterthought toy-seller, Y7-rated anime ends up the most depressing shit on here mentally/emotionally for Esie lol and it’s not even a close race.

[justanisabelakinnie]

Beauty, Brains, and Brawn

Was just talking about this with a mutual and I think the Beauty, Brains, and Brawn dynamic could apply to the other sets of siblings as well. 

For PB&J I think that Julieta, Bruno, and Pepa would be the Beauty, Brains, and Brawn respectively. Julieta is the OG Senorita Perfecta, her gift involves the calming nurturing trait of healing, she plays a motherly role akin to a housewife, etc.. Bruno’s gift gives him immense knowledge of those who come to him for his prophecies, and his powers are sensory as well(not that I think he’s smarter than his sisters but still). Pepa is obviously the brawn. Please do not try arguing with me on this, she is obviously the brawn. She strikes me as the toughest of the triplets and is loud, assertive, and explosive with her emotions, and her gift itself reflects this by being arguably the most dangerous one. 

For the Afrolatine siblings and this one is probably gonna be an unpopular opinion, but I’d have to say that Camilo is the Beauty, Dolores is the Brains, and Antonio is the Brawn. I know, but here me out. Camilo’s gift is all about appearance, particularly when he shapeshifts into hot people like Mariano. He’s also shown to be kind and nurturing like Julieta and takes a maternal instinct towards children in the opening song of the movie...also just like Julieta. Plus with his identity crisis and theatre kid persona, he’s always projecting a version of himself that he thinks other people will find the most appealing instead of his real, ugly flaws(and Beauty is often seen as the most “shallow” or useless of the three...). I mean it was literally a concept of him originally that the cute-looking boy we see throughout the movie was just another disguise of his(I’m glad they scrapped this btw? It was far too damn depressing even if this movie was for adults, just...no. Worse than Bubo and Princesa istg.). He strikes me as the type to think he has to be happy all the time because no one wants to see a sad face, similar to how Pepa was raised, maybe he learned it from her(as in, seeing how she was treated by Pepa, no way am I blaming her for this!). But maybe that’s just me. 

As for Dolores, similar to Bruno(wow, like uncle, like niece!), she has a sensory gift and has knowledge on everybody in the village. It also makes the most sense for her to be the Brains of the three when you really think about it, after all, she’s the oldest and the wittiest and the gossip in New York City is insidious, she is forced to make a lot of difficult decisions due to her gift, such as deciding what is relevant to tell people and what is better off left under the wraps. She had to keep Bruno’s secret all these years because she knew the reaction would be terrible with the entire town hating him and even his own sister wanting to forget he exists. She had to tell everybody(well Camilo who then told Felix and then it became a game of telephone lol) that Mirabel found Bruno’s vision because that was a secret that NEEDED to be revealed to the rest of the family so as to warn them instantly! She’s also really skilled at having to censor and block out certain sounds, which must take a lot of hard work and mental fortitude to do, especially from the tender age of five. And let’s not forget that it’s her knowledge of Mariano that allowed her to win his love(and make my OTP happen). 

Antonio is self-explanatory. He might be physically much weaker than Dolores and even Camilo(I mean he’s five unless he had Luisa’s gift the alternative would be embarrassing for anybody more than two years older than him lmao.), but his gift more than makes up for that. He’d never actually do it of course, but he COULD send his jaguar after you and maul you to death...or you could ignore this and say that he doesn’t control his animals, he just talks to them, and this is just Aisha being crazy. 

Idk Isabela, Mirabel, and Luisa helped me to realize that I love the Beauty, Brains, and Brawn trope and trio/group tropes in general lol. But even if it’s not intended, I still think it could apply to those other than the three sisters. Such as the other sibling units. What do you think? 

[mikeshanlon]

i really enjoy the way young royals explores the theme of legacy and how detrimental it can be to have to live up to a legacy or be obsessed with reputation. (analysis and thoughts under the cut)

i think wilhelm resents the fact that he has to live up to the role of being in the royal family and yet is very afraid of ruining that legacy bc of all the pressure. before he was sent off to hillerska he went to a normal school and wanted normal people around him and was content with erik having to take on the responsibilities of crown prince. and when he does have to assume that role he says he can never be erik, that he’s always had to be compared to him and obviously doesn’t like that. but even before erik passed and he had to take on those duties he was afraid of fucking up the legacy of the crown, when he sees that sign in the hallway that says you are in charge of your own legacy after he holds hands with simon, his anxiety worsens. you can tell it’s been instilled in him for a long time that what is most important is the crown’s reputation rather than his own wants. in the scene where him and simon fight about alexander being caught, he obviously wants simon to stay, but he focuses on how him doing drugs will fuck up his family’s reputation if it gets leaked. as much as he cares for simon, his legacy and his duties are like this oppressive cloud hanging over him. 

i do think that wille cares for his family of course but to me it’s different that the sort of loyal unconditional care with simon and his sister/mom. erik and wille had unconditional love, erik understood how difficult being a prince in the public eye was, and wille obviously cared for him deeply and felt like he could to talk to him about issues. his relationship with the queen is much more strained, she wants a tailored, doctored representation of him in the media, he cannot be anxious and bite his nails, she makes all the decisions for him. family is important to wille partially because it has to be bc of how special his family is. he helps his family, he helps august pay his tuition, and then makes a point of disowning august after his betrayal as his new “brother”. but again, because of the royal status and expectations upon the family, that supersedes and colors all of their relationships with each other. it seems to be more a sense of “duty” than unconditional love. especially after erik’s death, wille always has to consider how the crown’s image will be impacted, even though he never wanted to have this responsibility, or even the responsibility of being the “regular” prince under erik. being a family unit that is under constant public scrutiny is going to strain relationships. the queen knows that the anxiety of fucking up his legacy will get to him, and she uses that to get wilhelm to back out of admitting it was him in the video and coming out. wilhelm has to choose between his own happiness and their reputation, is forced to think that denying it’s him in the video is the only way. he loves simon and wanted to live freely, but that pressure of legacy won out.

i don’t know if i think wille necessarily values the crown over his own personal happiness and relationships, like in the way maybe the queen does--i don’t think it comes from a place of “i’m lucky to be prince and owe my duty to the crown, so i do what i have to do to stay that way” (like how the queen said the crown is a privilege not a punishment), but from fear of destroying the legacy and his family. afterall, he still wanted to pursue a secret relationship with simon, i think if he fully valued the crown and uplifting legacy and fulfilling his duties he wouldn’t have tried that. he wouldn’t have made a point to tell simon he loves him. hopefully we get another season because i think with the iconic ending revolution rendition and him looking in the camera, which also parallels the shot of him being forced to apologize/go to hillerska, he is realizing that focusing on legacy is taking away what’s important to him, and he’s going to shake shit up.

august is definitely the most obsessed with legacy, wanting to carry on his father’s business, being persistent on befriending wilhelm and trying to social climb, wanting power and perfection with being prefect, rowing captain etcetera. he is so obsessed with perfection and reputation he gets addicted to drugs, he fucks with simon and makes him get stuff for parties he can’t afford because good parties will make him look better, he manipulates sara multiple times, he mostly wanted felice because of her nobility, he fucking films wilhelm and simon and OUTS him, his own cousin. he hates that wille has everything he wants but isn’t as interested in preserving and more importantly improving the legacy he’s inheriting. meanwhile august’s familial legacy is dwindling, and he holds on to the last bit of assets and names that he can.... v much sick and a weirdo that shows how harmful being obsessed with legacy is

the queen is of course v focused on legacy and it really breaks my heart and makes me angry that she doesn’t care about wilhelm’s happiness more than their reputation, and moreso doesn’t get august in trouble for literally leaking child p*rn of her kid for the sake of appearances?!?!?! like how is he even remotely trustworthy she is wrong for that! like i said earlier the obsession with legacy puts a strain on their mother/son relationship. she doesn’t even really say anything about wille’s sexuality or his relationship, and barely comforts him, mostly goes in with a plan she’s already concocted without him to fix everything. 

erik seemed to understand and accept his role as crown prince but obviously had issues with it as well, like when he makes the plan for him and wilhelm to run from the press, or when he tells wilhelm to enjoy himself while there aren’t so many eyes on him that care. erik shows someone who has more unconditional love and empathy but still has to focus on legacy and is much more inclined to continue his legacy, but we do see those glimpses over how even the most “ideal” attitude of preserving legacy causes issues.

felice is expected to live up to her mother’s legacy, of being an equestrian, of being the lucia, but she doesn’t want either of those things. her mother wants her to be thinner and straighten her hair, and find someone of nobility to be with. obviously she does find wilhelm attractive lol but i think the main reason she pursued him and definitely why she pursued august was because she was expected to social climb and have royal kids. felice feels the need to portray a false narrative of herself on social media to uphold a certain image of herself. it’s very fucked up that her mom wants those values instilled in her but i love that felice was putting up boundaries and pushing back against her mother and the narrative she’s supposed to live up to. her giving sara the role of lucia and focusing on supporting her friends more in the latter half of the season shows growth and i’m excited to see where her story goes. 

sara is interesting because she seems to want to reject the legacy of her family and being working class and to fit in with the elite of hillerska. sara hates micke, hates that simon contacted him because it’s bringing in this “shameful” and painful part of their past (which i mean is def fair). other than sara’s betrayal in 1.06, i think the scene where she tells her family that she wants to reside at hillerska really exemplifies where she’s at in her relation to legacy/class. after dining at hillerska and living amongst the elite she gets annoyed at eating around the TV, she blames her mother for not leaving micke sooner, she gets angry with simon for caring for her. she wants to lead her own life, be popular and wanted because people want her, not for pity (even though i think simon of course truly cares abt his sister she feels annoyed with his protection and care). felice says early on that she thinks sara doesn’t care what other’s think or having friends, and sara says she still wants friends though. i think sara’s biggest thing is she wants to belong, her and simon moved schools after she was bullied for being autistic so i think that definitely affected her even though she tries to act nonchalant about hillerska at first. we see sara’s longing to fit in in smaller ways at first, like her asking her mom for a better piece of her uniform because hers are “cheap” and already worn out. she gets annoyed at simon for chewing loudly, or her mother sitting casually at the table. as she gets closer to felice and madison and all the other students, the allure of the upper class and their lifestyle draws her in more. so much to the point where she gets very anxious and upset at the idea of her and simon leaving hillerska because he’s having his own crisis and doesn’t consider his pov. so much so that she effectively betrays simon and felice, the people she’s closest to, to make a deal (and make out lol) with august to room there and “be just like him”. personally i think sara’s attraction to august is mostly that allure of the elite and that he seemed to “desire” her when he kissed her because he was being a manipulative dickhead--again that want to fit in and be wanted. and  i think there is a really interesting angle of jealousy and competition in female friendships, even if it is really subtle or not intentionally insidious or anything, sara does slowly start to trying to assume all the roles/fashions/mannerisms of felice to live that life she wants. i do think felice and sara’s care for each other is genuine and one of my fave parts of the show, but i think a lot of people who experienced being a teen girl know how we are always pitted against each other even in our subconscious because of how society treats and values women.

simon seems to be the character that is least interested in upholding legacy and tradition or giving a fuck what anyone thinks (as omar said here lmao) and that makes him a really interesting foil to wilhelm. there could be something said about micke fearing that simon is following in his footsteps, but to me that plot more so reveals how the upper class (august) continually exploit the working class for their benefit, and the trappings of generational oppression. the other thing that can be said is simon signing up for private tutoring and rowing, but again i think that serves to further show that he is forced to “play” by the game of the elites because the school/society is corrupt, and also, that simon has further ambitions outside of where he’s at. he wants to get good grades because he wants to explore new places and avenues. to me simon’s biggest motivations are his passions, the things and people he loves--music, his family, wilhelm. he isn’t loyal to others just because he’s expected to be, or uphold a certain image but because he really cares. he doesn’t watch out for sara because that’s his expected role as her brother to do so, but because he cares. he wasn’t interested in knowing wilhelm because he’s a prince like everyone else, he makes it clear he thinks the royal family are privileged and exploitative, but he is interested because he saw the real wilhelm. he’s out and proud even though his elite classmates are more conservative, he doesn’t care about voicing his unpopular opinions, he has no problem walking away from august’s dickhead behavior or calling him out on his shit. simon doesn’t care if people don’t think of him in the best light. (the only exceptions ig are the drugs conflict and the video, though literally anyone would have a problem with that because it’s much deeper that public opinion and has ramifications and is deeply traumatic--but just adding that before someone is like “well actually!”) i also think it’s interesting that most of the songs simon sings has themes of pushing back against the societal norms, and being remembered in history, plus of course the revolution song motif, and how much those songs affect wilhelm, he seems to connect deeply, like he wishes he could do those things but simon is the one who gets to sing them and actually live them.

[supercantaloupe]

okay yeah actually, i’ll bite. i’ve got some of my own thoughts about the unsleeping city and cultural representation and i’m gonna make a post about them now, i guess. i’ll put it under a cut though because this post is gonna be long.

i wanna start by saying i love dimension 20 and i really really enjoy the unsleeping city. i look forward to watching new episodes every week, and getting hooked on d20 as a whole last summer really helped pull me out of a pandemic depression, and i’m grateful to have this cool show to be excited about and interested in and to have met so many cool people to talk about it with.

that being said, however, i think there is a risk run in representing any group of people/their culture when you have the kind of setting that tuc has. by which i mean, tuc is set in a real world with real people and real human cultures in it. unlike fantasy high or a crown of candy where everything is made up (even if rooted in real-world cultures), tuc is explicitly rooted in reality, and all of its diversity -- both the ups and downs that go with it. and especially set in new york of all places, one of the most densely, diversely populated cities on earth. the cast is 7 people; it’s great that those 7 people come from a variety of backgrounds and identities and all bring their own unique perspectives to the table, and it’s great that those people and the entire crew are generally conscious of themselves and desire to tell stories/represent perspectives ethically. but you simply cannot authentically represent every culture or every perspective in the world (or even just in a city) when your cast is 7 people. it’s an impossible task. this is inherent to the setting, and acknowledged by the cast, and by brennan especially, who has been on record saying how one of the exciting aspects of doing a campaign set in nyc is its diversity, the fact that no two new yorkers have the same perspective of new york. i think that’s a good thing -- but it does have its challenges too, clearly.

i’m not going to go into detail on the question of whether or not tuc’s presentation of asian and asian american culture is appropriative/offensive or not. first of all, i don’t feel like it’s 100% fair to judge the show completely yet, since it’s a prerecorded season and currently airing midseason, so i don’t yet know how things wrap up. secondly, i’m not asian or asian american. i can have my own opinions on that content in the show, but i think it’s worth more to hear actual asian and asian american voices on this specific aspect of the show. having an asian american cast member doesn’t automatically absolve the show of any criticisms with regard to asian american cultural representation/appropriation, whether those criticisms are made by dozens of viewers or only a handful of them. regardless, i don’t think it’s my place as someone who is not asian to speak with any authority on that issue, and i know for a fact that there are asian american viewers sharing their own opinions. their thoughts in this instance hold more water than mine, i think.

what i will comment on in more depth, though, is a personal frustration with tuc. i’m jewish; i’ve never really been shy about that fact on my page here. i’m not from new york, but i visit a few times a year (or i did before covid anyway, lol), and i have some family from nyc. nyc, to me, is a jewish city. and for good reason, since it’s home to one of the largest jewish populations of the country, and even the world, and aspects of jewish culture (including culinary, like bagels and pastrami, and linguistic, like the common use of yiddish words and phrases in english colloquial speech) are prevalent and celebrated among jews and goyim alike. when i think of nyc, i think of a jewish city; that’s not everybody’s new york, but that’s my new york, and thats plenty of other people’s new york too. so i do find myself slightly disappointed or frustrated in tuc for its, in my opinion, rather stark lack of jewish representation.

now, i’m not saying that one of the PCs should have been jewish, full stop. i love to headcanon iga as jewish even though canon does not support that interpretation, and i’m fine with that. she’s not my character. it’s possible that simply no one thought of playing a jewish character, i dunno. but also, and i can’t be sure about this, i’m willing to bet that none of the players really wanted to play a jewish character because they didn’t want to play a character of a marginalized culture they dont belong to in the interest of avoiding stereotyping or offensive representation/cultural appropriation. (i don’t know if any of the cast members are jewish, but i’m assuming not.) and the concern there is certainly appreciated; there’s not a ton of mainstream jewish rep out there, and often what we get is either “unlikeable overly conservative hassidic jew” or “jokes about their bar mitzvah/one-off joke about hanukkah and then their jewishness is never mentioned ever again,” which sucks. it would be really cool to see some more good casual jewish rep in a well-rounded, three-dimensional character in the main cast of a show! even if there are a couple of stumbles along the way -- nobody is perfect and no two jews have the same level of knowledge, dedication, and adherence to their culture.

but at the same time, i look at characters like iga and i really do long for a jewish character to be there. siobhan isn’t polish, yet she’s playing a characters whose identity as a polish immigrant to new york is very central to her story and arc. and part of me wonders why we can’t have the same for a jewish character. if not a PC, then why not an NPC? again, i’m jewish, and i am not native, but in my opinion i think the inclusion of jj is wonderful -- i think there are even fewer native main characters in mainstream media than there are jewish ones, and it’s great to see a native character who is both in touch with their culture as well as not being defined solely by their native-ness. to what extent does it count as ‘appropriative’ because brennan is a white dude? i dunno, but i’m like 99% sure they talked to sensitivity consultants to make sure the representation was as ethical as they could get it, and anyway, i can’t personally see and glaring missteps so far. but again, i’m not native, and if there are native viewers with their own opinions on jj, i’d be really interested in hearing them.

but getting back to the relative lack of jewish representation. it just...disappoints me that jewishness in new york is hardly ever even really mentioned? again, i know we’re only just over halfway through season 2, but also, we had a whole first season too. and it’s definitely not all bad. for example: willy! gd, i love willy so much. him being a golem of williamsburg makes me really really happy -- a jewish mythological creature animated from clay/mud (in this case bricks) to protect a jewish community (like that of williamsburg, a center for many of nyc’s jews) from threat. golem have so often been taken out of their original context and turned into evil monsters in fantasy settings, especially including dnd. (even within other seasons of d20! crush in fh being referred to as a “pavement golem” always rubbed me the wrong way, and i had hoped they’d learned better after tuc but in acoc they refer to another monster as a “corn golem” which just disappointed me all over again.) so the fact that tuc gets golems right makes my jewish heart very happy.

and yet...he doesn’t show up that much? sure, in s1, he’s very helpful when he does, but in s2 so far he shows up once and really does not say or do much of anything. he speaks with a lot more yiddish-influenced language than other characters, but if you didn’t know those words were specifically yiddish/jewish, you might not be able to otherwise clock the fact that willy is jewish. and while willy is a jewish mythological creature who is jewish in canon, he isn’t human. there are no other direct references to judaism, jewish characters, or jewish culture in the unsleeping city beyond him.

there are, in fact, two other canon jewish characters in tuc. but...here’s where i feel the most frustration, i think. the two canon jewish humans in tuc are stephen sondheim and robert moses. both of whom are real actual people, so it’s not like we can just pick and choose what their cultural backgrounds are. as much as i love stephen sondheim, i think there are inherent issues with including real world people as characters in a fictional setting, especially if they are from living/recent memory (sondheim is literally still alive), but anyway, sondheim and moses are both actual jewish people. from watching tuc alone you probably would not be able to guess that sondheim is jewish -- nothing from his character except name suggests it, and i wouldn’t even fault you for not thinking ‘sondheim’ is a jewish-sounding surname (and i dislike the idea/attitude/belief that you can tell who is or isn’t jewish by the sound of their name). and yeah, i’m not going to sit here and be like “brennan should have made sondheim more visibly jewish in canon!” because, like, he’s a real human being and it’s fucking weird to portray him in a way that isn’t as close to how he publicly presents himself, which is not in fact very identifiably jewish? i don’t know, this is what i mean by it’s inherently weird and arguably problematic to portray real living people as characters in a fictional setting, but i digress. sondheim’s jewish, even if you wouldn’t know it; not exactly a representation win.

and then there’s bob moses. you might be able to guess that he’s jewish from canon, actually. there’s the name, of course. but more insidious to me are the specifics of his villainy. greedy and powerhungry, a moneyman, a lich whose power is stored in a phylactery...it does kind of all add up to a Yikes from me. (in the stock market fight there’s a one-off line asking if he has green skin; it’s never really directly acknowledged or answered, but it made me really uncomfortable to hear at first and it’s stuck with me since viewing for the first time.) the issue for me here is that the most obviously jewish human character is the season’s bbeg, and his villainy is rooted in very antisemitic tropes and stereotypes.

i know this isn’t all brennan’s fault -- robert moses was a real ass person and he was in fact jewish, a powerhungry and greedy moneyman, a big giant racist asshole, etc. i’m not saying that jewish characters can’t be evil, and i’m not saying brennan should have tried to be like “this is my NPC robert christian he’s just like bob moses but instead he’s a goy so it’s okay” because...that would be fuckin weird bro. and bob moses was a real person who was jewish and really did do some heinous shit with his municipal power. i’m not necessarily saying brennan should have picked/created a different character to be the villain. i’m not even saying that he shouldn’t have made bob moses a lich (although, again, it doesn’t 100% sit right with me). but my point here is that bob moses is one of a grand total of three canon jewish characters in tuc, of which only two humans, of whom he is the one you’d most easily guess would be jewish and is the most influenced by antisemitic stereotypes/tropes. had there been more jewish representation in the show at all, even just some neutral jewish NPCs, this would not be as much of a problem as it is to me. but halfway through season 2, so far, this is literally all we get. and that bums me out.

listen, i really like tuc. i love d20. but the fact that it is set in a real world place with real world people does inherently raise challenges when it comes to ethical cultural representation. especially when the medium of the show is a game whose creatures, lore, and mechanics have been historically rooted in some questionable racial/cultural views. and dnd is making progress to correct some of those misguided views of older sourcebooks by updating them to more equitably reflect real world racial/cultural sensitivities; that’s a good thing! but these seasons, of course, were recorded before that. the game itself has some questionable cultural stuff baked into it, and that is (almost necessarily) going to be brought to the table in a campaign set in a real-world place filled with real-world people of diverse real-world cultures. the cast can have sensitivity consultants and empathy and the best intentions in the world, and they’ll still fuck up from time to time, that’s okay. your mileage may vary on whether or not it’s still worth sticking around with the show (or the fandom) through that. for me, it does not yet outweigh all the things i like about the show, and i’m gonna continue watching it. but it’s still very worth acknowledging that the cast is 7 people who cannot possibly hope to authentically or gracefully represent every culture in nyc. it’s an unfortunate limitation of the medium. yet it’s also still worthwhile to acknowledge and discuss the cultural representation as it is in the show -- both the goods and the bads, the ethically solid and the questionably appropriative -- and even to hold the creators accountable. (decently, though. i’m definitely not advocating anybody cyberbully brennan on twitter or whatever.) the show and its representation is far from perfect, but i also don’t think it ever could be. still, though, it could always be better, and there’s a worthwhile discussion to be had in the wheres, hows, and whys of that.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

Many Divaz/Z3st confos

Mod: Not all the ones in the inbox, but a batch of them to peruse at your leisure.

1. Z3st got told by a mod on the BJD Discord to stop with his drama-mongering. He argued with the mod. In b4 he whines here about the BJD Discord.

~Anonymous

2. @A certain someone: DOA mods warning you to stop making drama or else ban is not an attack on you. BJD Discord mod warning you to stop making drama or ban is not an attack on you. They're just doing their jobs. To stop finding yourself in situations where you feel attacked, don't make drama. Seriously it's getting super tiresome seeing your crap all over the place esp since you're acting like someone shot your dog or smth. You're doing this to yourself and blaming others for your own actions.

~Anonymous

3. My friend got messaged on FB by Z3st because they posted in support of Divaz. Z3st called them names and tried to prove his "innocence". Apparently my friend wasn't the only person Z3st did this to, I wouldn't be surprised if he did it to everyone who commented in support of Divaz. Z3st is crying about being the victim but all I see is him being the aggressor. Who the fuck messages people they don't know to harass them like that?

~Anonymous 

4.@al3xcessive... you can't blame someone for "doxxing" you when you put your information out there first. Also, that's not what "doxxing" is, they've literally only showed your name AFTER YOU SHOWED IT YOURSELF PUBLICLY. All of your other information was hidden. I searched for your name on FB and wouldn't have ever found you if you hadn't gone and shown yourself by spamming comments on the post.

~Anonymous

5.lol al3xcess claiming he'd been "harassed" when he DMs random people to call them bootlickers and they tell him to fuck off xD

~Anonymous

6.If the customer is batshit terrible to work with, you refund them and ban them. Don’t feed trolls and all. Seems simple? But Div4s just gonna dox somebody like that?  Even their most hardcore fans ought to be sayin “hol up” instead of cheering.

~Anonymous

7.Lol @ Z3st calling Divaz "insidiously hostile" when he himself is this way and he even admitted it: "i had been nothing but nice, and ABSURDLY patient, and understanding and looking back now the gushing tone in which i took makes me sick" - Looking at HIS OWN receipts, his "absurdly nice" is just normal decency. It really says a lot about him that he considers it absurd and that it makes him sick. Divas aren't the ones being insidious, Z3st, you admitted you were deceptive from the getgo.

~Anonymous

8.I'm done with r_s who defend BJDivaz on DoA. I had to wait MONTHS for any sign of life from them, they NEVER answer their emails, and they've mishandled ALL of my orders. They won't be an adult about this! If you're ordering from them, you're pretty much supporting them. Stop.

~Anonymous

9.Neutral to Divaz but seeing them did a call out to a troublesome customer is a bit uncomfortable. I believe they should have kept the person's name as anon, never mention their irl or username. I understand that they are upset that their business reputation is damaged by the customer's words but still a business shouldn't blast their customer's personal info on public platform. A business should be a business. Personal feelings should be handled off the business page.

Again I fully understand Divaz is human too and they can feel upset by exaggerated rumours but a business shouldn't be so sensitive to any provocation. I'm sure other dealers also get a lot of negative comments but we seldom hear them talk about it publicly. Really not my place to say, I think Divaz should try to keep personal emotions off their business page. Occasional bad press will naturally go away on its own if they can maintain good and satisfied customers on a long run. I feel like them fighting back against angry (ex) customers and seeking comfort from others is not the best move as a business. It is fine that they express their frustration to their family and friends but definitely not on a public business page. It just feels unprofessional. It's my 2 cents.

Sorry Divaz, I know you don't want to hear this but please do try to keep personal feelings aside when running a business. It will really help you on a long run. Haters will only use this against you because they know you will react to their provocation. This will never end and only damge your reputation further. Hope for the best.

~Anonymous

10. Cheeesus, that long Divaz post on that DoA user is too much. With all the precise time-stamps details and quotations, it's like a lawyer presenting a courtcase like "the evidence here shows that at 'hour;minute' you said this XXX. Is it true?" And we, the witnesses/audience, are all called to participate in the judgment. lol

~Anonymous 

11. ne1 else get msged by Z3st on fb cuz he wants to bitch u out for posting on divaz? 

~Anonymous

12. Divaz doxxes and stalks people, talks shit about customers on their FB, forgets to place orders, hands out tons of excuses for why they can't reply... among other things. Why the fuck are you all still dealing with them? Cl0ver singing, Alice's and a bunch of other companies are ten times better. Stop👏 validating👏 shitty 👏companies 👏

~Anonymous

13.There are certain people who always jump to the defense of BjDivaz and get mad when other people have legitimate issues with them. Get a life. Some of us have real problems and bad experiences ordering from them.

~Anonymous

14. I know everyone has a different situation and state their opinion with what they have already experienced, but I'm not gonna lie that I felt bad when I read someone saying that bjdivaz long layaways aren't even neccesary and they should just remove it. While I do agree bjdivaz could improve in how they manage some stuff, at the same time they are the only ones that let me "join" the hobby and don't feel bad because I can't pay in full or put down big payments as other hobbyists. I know it's not neccesary and I can save, but from someone who comes from a place of poverty I already feel guilty enough spending in a hobby and having big amounts of money always end up in paying emergencies and starting from 0 again. So these "really long and unnecessary layaways" give me the opportunity to not feel as guilty and enjoy something like the rest without spending too much every month to the point that it could affect my daily life.

~Anonymous

15. Z3st/Alex is legitimately evil for what he's doing, trying to put a company out of business that, per the emails that he himself posted, has never been anything but helpful to him (and many others). I'd bet he's the main source of all the BJDivaz hate going on here, and the miserable people around here were more than happy to grab their pitchforks and join his mob. Stop it.

~Anonymous

[betelguwuse]

I’m starting to think maybe I don’t want to get married. Hypothetically I’d love to be in a godly marriage with a man who respects me and sees me as the person that God does (and not only me but women as a whole), but realistically do christian men like that even exist? Mainstream christianity, especially gender discourse, is so watered down and twisted into something that’s more political than biblical. I feel like this is gonna piss off both the christians and feminists, even though I’m both (though some might say I’m not a real feminist, whatever idc lol). Might also tag as Side B because I feel like this is also maybe a Side B mood? But here goes.

Color coded by vague topic, bolded so it’s easier to read.

Like I recently heard of a pastor being criticized for saying it’s a woman’s duty to look good for her husband, and the boomer conservatives were acting like criticisms of this pastor was the end of christianity. There’s no way “looking good” in a biblical sense was anything more than basic hygiene, nowhere near the beauty standards of today; and that is if the idea of looking good for your husband is even in the bible. These people siding with the pastor were saying that any woman who doesn’t shave or hide her “flaws” with makeup or basically completely embody the tradwife meme are bad wives. Like what the literal hell.

Honestly the entire tradwife aesthetic seems to be the goal for a lot of young christian couples, when it’s not inherently biblical. I used to be into it myself because heck yeah staying home, housekeeping, taking care of children, and wearing cute flowery dresses sounds like a dream. But my goals aren’t universal! Some women don’t want kids. Some women want to work. Good and God-honoring women of the bible didn’t all have kids and stay home. I mean the timeline of the bible spans so long, so yeah maybe there were times when most women did. But that doesn’t mean women who didn’t were bad wives or lesser women. Not to mention there’s such a blurred line currently between cute tradwife lifestyle and creeps who fetishize the idea of a traditional (and by traditional they mean submissive) wife. Gross.

Another thing too many christian men do is say women can’t be in any position of power in the church. There is the whole specific issue of whether or not women should be the highest up actual pastor of the church, and I don’t know enough about that whole debate to validate or debunk it, but I’m not talking about that specifically here. Aside from that one position, a lot of christians think women can only teach other women and girls but not guys, even like literal child boys. That’s so weird, like imagine thinking a little boy has more authority than, or even equal to, a grown woman? Couldn’t be me. And this whole idea comes from an out of context “I do not permit women to speak in the church” from a regular human guy. And the reason he said this was that the women around him were spreading heresy. I still think it’s flawed logic to exclude all women from speaking in that situation just because most of them were wrong, but again, this wasn’t a command from God. This was just a guy recording his church experience and doing his flawed human best to manage it. Various women throughout the actual bible outside of this one leader’s timeline held positions of power in various churches. And modern day american christian men think biblical womanhood is all about subservience? Bro what bible are you reading?

I just want to make it clear that these are all just generalizations, but having been in various actual biblical communities and conservative christian communities, I can kinda pick up on the general sexist behaviors of the latter. But unfortunately in today’s political climate more and more young christians are only being exposed to political opinions that are surface level americanized good christian morals, but not actually biblical.

Even on top of that, even if a man knows of these biblical misconceptions, we live in a society. Like we’re constantly exposed to women’s sexualization, and it’s pretty impossible to escape that. I don’t want to spend my life with someone who’s grown up in a world where women are seen as weak, objects, pleasure machines, etc. And yeah we can unlearn these biases (honestly I hate the word unlearn but I can’t think of a substitute rn), but it feels like a hassle to casually figure out whether a guy can make an effort to understand what women go through, and if I were to just bring it up I’d scare them away. And that’s not to say I’m some perfect person who’s never sexualized men, we are all sinners after all and we live in a fallen world etc etc. But a whole society where women are so objectified that it’s normal for little boys to be watching porn, that just doesn’t really happen with little girls. I can’t speak for all women, but when I started seeing men sexually it was in my late teens when I realized like ‘oh I can sexualize men too? wild. ok I’m an adult lemme check it out’. Still sinful, but not ingrained in me from porn ads as a kid the way most young boys have been since like the creation of the internet.

Even the men currently in my life who genuinely want what’s best for me are so incredibly misogynistic it’s baffling. My male family members see any woman who breaks an imaginary dress code or ideology is some kind of deviant. I just want to make it clear that this is MY family and I’M the only one who gets to complain about them. We all love each other here even if the males are horribly wrong.

So I shaved my head for halloween and my dad could barely look at me, not because he was exactly mad or anything but just because I looked ugly to him. He always says ‘close the windows in your apartment because men will spy on you changing’ but after my hair was gone he was all ‘actually don’t bother because nobody will look at you looking like that’ like wow I wasn’t aware men only sexualized women for their hair. Like you really think a gross creeper is gonna be turned off by a fully naked oblivious vulnerable woman just because she’s bald? That’s not how any of this works. And just today my sister was watching a goth youtuber egirl or something, I didn’t see her makeup but my dad said stuff like ‘ew why does she look like that, maybe it’d be cool as a costume but how is she going to get a job’. Like, I’m not one to go ‘women don’t wear makeup for men’ (because most women who only use makeup to hide their insecurities and follow beauty standards very much just do it so they don’t get backlash from others, if not directly to please men), but when it’s a fun crazy look that’s not meant to be pretty, I’m all for that shit and generally I hate when men lose respect for a woman just for wearing something they don’t like. Like fashion isn’t real and your appearance should be as costumey or weird as you want without people losing respect for you. Also like...do men know that makeup isn’t permanent?? Like if she wanted a job that required no makeup she could easily wipe her face off and get one?? Not only that, but people can work from home and/or be self employed. Maybe youtube itself was this girl’s job. Who the hell cares man. And the worst thing here is my brother outright said one time “the root cause of feminism is pride”. B r u h. And this was back when I considered myself an anti-feminist, even then I knew that feminism started for good reason and I was absolutely furious. I think I kept it to myself like a coward lol, but if anyone said that to me now I’d tear them apart. In a debate I mean, not like literal violence.

Tldr: I’m not trying to say men are inherently more evil because there’s evil in everyone, but the way it takes shape in men in most societies is so insidious and inescapable. I love my family and guy friends, but I don’t want to deal with one in a romantic/sexual relationship because I don’t know if even the most educated and goodest christian boi in this world can see me as a true equal. It sucks because I want sex and children, but when the mainstream idea of hetero sex is female submission, it just makes me shrivel up and contemplate becoming a nun. I’m not even catholic. But even nuns are sexualized and degraded in coomer’s disgusting brains. In conclusion I’m going feral and starting my own woman-only church in the woods let’s go ladies.