#((i dunno i think its better he orginally texted that when he was sober but sent it when he could feel the fear anymore uwu))

[ducknotinarow]

2k7 Raph Casey - 🤪

| Send 🤪 to receive a drunk text from my muse [part one]

Arm hug lose against his side as Raph snuck his way back into the lair. From the heavy snoring he heard it was easy to guess Mikey was passed out on the couch again. He could also hear the familiar sound of Don rummaging in the kitchen, time for coffee he guessed. For a second he thought about going to them but nah. A shake of his head as he continued on into his room, making sure he slowly shut the door closed so to avoid the slightest hint of a click being noticed. Raph had a lot of practice most nights no one knew when he came back. Holding his head, it felt like he was swimming. Couldn't let his mind drift just yet though as he stumbled further into his room.

Littered with all kinds of trash but he knew his stash was somewhere in here. He should still have some on hand? Lightly kicking away empty bottles away as he rolled his eyes annoyed by his own mess. well he moved stuff around eyeing the case and half. It was going to be gross and warm but eh best he was gonna get. Grabbing at the first can he opens up the tab. He eyes the wall in front of him that will do, as he grits his teeth moving to lean up against the hard cold surface. He jerk his shoulder back into place the pop in his ear was nearly sickening. Breath became ragged but he let the pain ride out. Wasn't the first time he hand to handle a dislocated shoulder but fuck did it hurt like a bitch. Almost white blinding pain. That what the beer was for though as he lifted the can to his beak and heavily gulped it down like he was dying for water in a dessert. Letting himself sink to sit down. He just needed a moment to rest up. Dragging the cases closer to himself.

"Be better cold" he grumbled to himself, but then he'd have to go to the kitchen to get his beer. Maybe he could find an old mini fridge? eh his room didn't really have outlets he always kept it a tad more bear and open so he could have his own sort of practice area. All his belongs lined the walls so the center was open. Heck why he kept to the hammock still. Well and other reasons for why he wasn't much for beds. Less he was in one with Casey. That's when he let his hand shake at the can he was working on near empty, head tilt back as he knocked it back, already freeing another from the plastic yoke rings.

Raphael already knew no matter how much he chug though it never got the guy off his mind. Mindlessly tossed the no empty can off into his room, letting the can bounce around and rattle across the floor as he listened to the sound bounce around the bricks. Didn't mean Raph wouldn't keep trying even if it was a fruitless effort in the end. Casey was more on his mind than when they dated, now he had to wonder if that stupid phasing of 'absence makes the heart grow founded' might not just be lame sappy bullshit for chick flicks. As Raph knocked back more warm beer, he slipped his phone free from his side.

"Idiot" he scolded himself he knew what he was doing the moment he grabbed for it. How many times had he done this before after all? yet he shifts his weight to get comfortable where he sat. Sigh leaves his beak before he pours more down his throat. He didn't even need to look at the screen the actions was so well practiced he could navigate his phone with out needing to look. Thumb clicking around to get into photos he should have deleted ages ago. Never could bring himself to do so.

Wiping his mouth with his arm another can tossed out into his room soon to be replaced with a new one. Held to his mouth as he started to look through them. Photos of Casey, photos of him and Casey even. Some he had taken in secret when they weren't aware Casey working on his bike along with Raph. When they would go back and forth saying whose would run better, faster even. Stupid smug look on their face. A shot of Casey beaming down at the hockey game they were watching from up in the rafters of the rink. His favorite Casey sleeping, with sunlight draping over them, His star soften at the sight. Casey was a rough and tumble kind of guy, loud and obnoxious. Bearly could walk around a place without something breaking or getting knocked over. A temper about as bad as Raph's and boy did he love to riled up Raph's when given a chance. Can set down

Casey was also a real soft guy deep down. Casey looked out for others like the kid son his block, yeah. But himself, too. With how open and friendly he can be and well dumb at times. Yeah, I can't be blamed to think there wasn't much else going on for him. Raph knew better, though. Raph knew Casey's heart and the scars on it they let him see the pain they tried to hide and act wasn't there. How easily wounded he had actually been by others. Why Casey seemed to not want the same for others. Cause they were just so fucking kind. And Raph felt so bad for Casey because of it. Openly hurting himself just because he was so kind. As big a heart as the city he wanted to look put for. Hell even willing to tell a lie about his own Jack ass of a father...that flame of anger went out fast because well? How was Raph any better?

Raph hurt Casey. He didn't mean to say those words he was so messed up, though it just came out. So Raph being Raph, stuck to his guns and held firm. And he saw how it hurt Casey. The moment it came out though he feared it wouldn't be the last time. What if he kept hurting them? What if he did like thier father? Raph couldn't do that, not to Casey. God never Casey. So he ended it.

This is why he needed to stay away from Casey. Casey was the kind of person who could make him feel things he hated to feel. But Casey was just so warm, caring despite it all. And people like Raph? they yern for kind people. They cling to them, take advantage of what they have to offer, demand more than they have to give.

"I can' drag ya into this." Raphs not even sure when he grab the following can, fuck he don't remember when he drank two more or even why he starting to voice his thoughts out loud. "I'll keep fightin' but.. I'll do it alone."

He knows they won't understand, Casey wasn't the only kind person he knew after all. It was better if they hated him. He's fine on his own. Always was a loner in the end right? It was what he thought, and he meant it, determined to hold it all back, bury it deep in himself. And yet? Here he is clinging to Casey still. So fucking powerless, completely terrified and weak. So weak. Teeth gritted against each other tightly, grinding over the other. Raphael was so fucking pathetic.

"I'm sorry..." he say to the image of Casey words teembling out from his beak because he never could voice it to thier face.

"I jus' don' know what to do anymore. I'm lost. I don' know. I can' do anythin', not 'ike this." the next words didn't come out if his mouth, pride was preventing him from letting them be spoken. But he knew, he thought them all the time.

not on my own.

He took pride in calling himself a loner, thinking he could handle everything on his own. And yet? When he met Casey? Raphael took to thier side so fucking quick, someone who understood him? Someone who just got him? Hiw did that make sense? Casey broke down the walls. Raph kept up even with his own family. How do explain that? How people you spent your whole life only knowing being so misunderstood by. Only for a complete stranger to just click with you and get you? To have your back no matter what to stand in your corner to get mad with you and see it how you do. He'll casey had a way to talk to Raph that no one else did. He could get through to Raph. Even when his own brothers couldn't.

He finds himself leaveing the photos and looking for their texts next. There, he saw the words. Casey still loved him? Or was that just a drunken mistake? They never tried to recover from the message sent did Casey even knkw he sent it? Did they agonize over thier past memories and wish they did things differently like Raph did? He looked at the message left in the text box, from when Casey sent his.

Raph knew all the answers to all he wondered when it came to Casey. He never believed in this kind of stuff before but that what it was right? Casey was like this missing piece of himself. The reason he over heated was because Casey was the one who could cool him down. Where others tried to exguished his flames Casey took them head on.

Casey was never intimidated by Raph, even when he didn't like them. Didn't matter he was mutant. Raph liked that Casey never gave up on people...even when they hurt him. Casey knkws what matters to him. He worte that text when his mind was clear and sober. Ina. Moment of clarity. Raph just refused to send it because of fear. Yeah he was reckless normally but he never wanted be someone to play with anothers feelings. And feared that what he would be doing. Maybe alcohol in his system drowned out all that other stuff and helped him focus on the truth of the matter. What mattered most what he turly felt even since he stepped away from Casey thar day. Lowering his phone as he let his arms rest over the top of his knees. Clumsy mistake? Or a drunk action taken with the lack of fear in him. Or maybe it was all and excuse because he hit send.

[Text] I miss you.