#((i cried at least three times writing this thank you Kara SOBS))

[dsn-001]

[This time, a shrine offering for classic Moon herself] Her kindness is a perplexing thing. Verse holds one of a thousand identical cranes in his gloved hand. Turns it over, as though its shape will reveal some new insight. A revelation hidden in the crook of its wings, or the weight of the paper. Always giving. Always caring. The OVER never understood it. Gesture after selfless gesture for those around her-- those she hardly knew, but still carried deep in her chest. Attachment. Is it a burden to feel such things? To forever orbit machines like him with so little compassion? With so little time for anything but their own purpose?

Does she know what he does? Has she too, counted every second spent on the lives of others? Painstakingly folding paper cranes. Working to perfect each dish alone in the kitchen. Shopping every window for the gift, just to see a fleeting smile. Every holiday, festival, reaching for a connection. Sharing what she loves in the hopes that someone else will finally reflect her? Was that your wish? Is that what it means to embody the Moon? To be ever stranded on the periphery? He supposed it would be cruel, for someone who feels so much, to be so far away.

This is a small gesture, perhaps not even that appropriate in the face of such musings. There is little else Verse can offer. He cannot comfort her. Cannot feel what she feels.

He can follow directions, he can make exact measurements. A basket with a simple note:

'They are called "pirozhki" or пирожки́.' This act too, is perplexing.

If my Muse was a Deity, what Offerings Would you Leave at Their Shrine?

It was quiet at home again, not unusually so. With most of her siblings out and about on their jobs while she was left to filter through their ever constant streams of data, it left the Song estate.. empty. Moon did her best to aid in the upkeep of her family's abode; the windows were cleaned, the floors swept, the tables and shelves tidied. It wasn't like her current duty required her to do anything physical, so it wasn't a problem.

But after that, there was... nothing to do, really. She cooked dinner (it would be just her and her mother tonight. Moon still found herself making more food than necessary anyway), put away the dishes while her mother returned to her laboratory work, and then there was...

More nothing.

Sunrise, sunset, the rhythm of every day was the same.

The monotony of her life at home didn't make it any less beautiful, though. Sometimes she'd see cranes in the garden, or pheasants, or go to pick wild fruits in the summer time; she could sometimes even say hello to the newborn lambs that belonged to the uncle that lived in the valley of the mountains.

It was peaceful, really. Moon could find comfort in the tranquility of their paradisaical home.

Tonight, there was something she was looking forward to in particular, though. After several days of cloudy skies and rain, the sky was supposed to be clear; with luck, she could maybe use her mother's observatory. Dr. Song rarely used it anymore, not since Moon had taken to spending her extensive spare time in there -- she'd even said it was Moon's now, and she was free to use it as she pleased, but Moon still found it hard to call the building her own.

She wasn't expecting the basket waiting for her, set just so that it'd be the first thing in the moonlight her eyes landed on.

Her core started to race, picking up along with her pace as she hurried over to get a better look.

How very odd -- there was absolutely no sign that anyone had been here recently at all, and yet the buns sitting bundled in the basket were still steaming slightly, as if fresh out of the oven.

Moon's core thrummed harder as she knelt by the basket, picking up the note.

'They are called "pirozhki" or пирожки́.'

She traced over the neat, perfectly written letters with a finger, mouthing the shape of the word as she searched for its proper pronunciation, whispering the name afterwards.

"Pirozhki."

The hushed word was almost awestruck, reverent.

The baked bun was picked up and observed carefully. There was not much fanfare to its presentation, but it was shiny and golden brown; egg glazed, she guessed, just before being baked. The others were similarly made, almost identical in shape and size. Moon took a careful bite.

It was sweet.

The pirozhki was baked to perfection, still crisp and soft, the insides filling her mouth with the flavor of cherry and a soft cheese she'd never tasted before.

Moon sniffled, raising a hand to wipe at her eyes as she chewed. And even when her tears began to flow stronger, plopping into her lap or splashing against her armor, she did not stop until she'd finished the bun, reached for another, and finished that one too.

"Mei?"

The sudden voice at the entrance to the observatory startled Moon into whipping her head around, hastily wiping at her eyes once more. Nezha was home.

"I-I thought you were--"

"Came home early," the other Songbot shrugged dismissively, "the Doctor told me I might find you here." He paused, then, regarding her warily. Moon could recognize the hesitant concern in the squint of his eyes. "...You're crying. What happened."

"I... I'm okay," Moon reassured the younger machine, her face finally breaking into a watery smile as she rubbed her face once more. "I'm just... really, really happy."

Nezha's lips pursed in a slight, uncertain frown. "If you're sure." He only lingered a moment longer, eyes flicking down to the basket before he turned to leave, mumbling some sort of goodbye.

Moon stayed in the observatory a while longer, eating one more pirozhki. There was no way she'd be able to finish all of these; when she was done, the rest would be individually wrapped to preserve as much of their freshness as possible and stored until tomorrow, when she'd give them away to the people she knew, just as she's always done.

The note, though simple, would be kept in a drawer in her room, along with other things she'd gathered or been given over the years. She couldn't throw out a note from.. a friend? Could she even consider him that? Perhaps not aloud, not yet. Maybe one day she could.

She hoped so.

[pigeonp0st]

Oh you could write one where reader and Supergirl are fighting together against some supervillain and reader gets hurt and almost dies and Kara is freaking out because she can't lose her girlfriend and just... angst (please don't kill reader though, i'm begging you)

Kara Danvers x Reader #5

Words: 1,905

Warnings: Angst, Explosion not described in detail. Just an aftermath.

Notes:

MWHAHAHA! I technically didn’t listen to your plead...so i’m sorry? (Thank you for the request and sorry for all spelling mistakes)

——

They were kids.

You weren’t bulletproof like Kara, definitely not grenade proof, you knew that...but they were kids. Kids clutching onto their mom looking terrified. Terrified that their mom would get hurt, terrified that the three of them were going to die.

You’re terrified too. Lately as your life has gotten better with Kara, beautiful, caring Kara, you’ve been getting more scared everyday, scared that something was going to happen to ruin your happiness.

The fear is almost enough to paralyze you when you see the latest National City supervillain get ready to throw the grenade, but alas...when the man throws the grenade the stupid instinct to protect overtakes you and you jump into the air to catch it like a ball, before it can get to close to the family.

You’re more invincible than them, even if you’re not nearly as invincible as Kara...it’s time to test that theory, you think bitterly.

Turns out—when the grenade goes off and a piercing scream hits the air—you’re not that much more invincible than a regular human.

Kara, you think, tears running down your face, Kara, Kara, Kara. Kara. Everything hurts but all you can think about is Kara and whether or not she’s going to be okay fighting without you. Forever, possibly. Fighting without you forever, and just thinking about your death feels like ice water being poured over you until the cold sinks in and it’s just panic.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

It takes moments before she’s by your side, moments that feel like a lifetime, she was slowed by the kryptonite she was fighting against and wasn’t able to get to you in time when the grenade went off but now she’s here, and she’s sobbing. Sobs that wrack her body, and you’re trying to sit up despite the ringing in your ear.

“Kara!” You yell, eyes wide, and you don’t want to be doing this to her, you want to pretend like you’re okay with this—you want to be strong for her—but you can’t. You can’t, because holy fuck. Fuck. “I can’t feel my legs, Kara. Baby, I can’t feel anything. I can’t...why can’t I move?”

Kara places a hand on your chest, and you can feel that, it hurts, “Alex,” she says into the comms, “it’s Y/N...she’s badly injured. I can’t bring her to the DEO, I can’t fly; the kryptonite is still in the air around us, and I can’t move her away from it either.”

You hear Kara’s panicked voice next to you, and when you focus you hear it in your own comms.

Alex’s voice crackles through immediately, and even she sounds scared, “how bad, Kara?”

“She says she can’t feel her legs, and she...she’s losing a lot of blood. She’s cold, too, and her breathing is labored,” Kara’s practically ranting now, her fingers shaking against your chest. “I’d put pressure on the wound but there’s a lot of blood and I don’t know—”

You turn your face away from Kara when her hand travels to your cheek, and you try to tune her out, because her face...it really says everything about your condition, and you don’t want to hear Kara talk about all of the ways you’re dying.

You catch the last thing Alex says and it fills you with dread that makes your bones feel even heavier, “keep her awake, Kara. There’s no telling if she’ll wake up again if she falls asleep now.”

Kara’s resulting sob rips your heart to shreds.

“I didn’t realize until I met you how much I don’t want to die,” you tell her after a moment filled with her cries. You’ve never felt so scared in your life (besides after Kara’s fight with Reign) “but I really don’t want to, Kara. I really don’t want to.”

“You won’t,” Kara says, trying to give you a reassuring smile, “you won’t because I need you to stay. What am I supposed to do without you?” She tries to laugh afterwards but it’s really just a choked sound, and you can hear the fear in her words.

The iron taste that was on your tongue felt like death, but now as you slowly start to taste it less, and as the smell of gasoline slowly slips away, you wonder if this is really a sign of death. The reapers signature.

“You’ll live.” You say, “you have to. There’s no other choice.” Your voice is filled with too much certainty for a dying woman, “It’ll be fine. You’ll get to eat the last popsicle in the fridge,” a humorless chuckle forces its way out of your throat, “I hid it. It’s under the frozen peas.”

You can tell by the look on Kara’s face what she’s thinking about. A half empty bed when she goes home alone to your shared apartment, your favorite mug sitting on the counter half full of cold coffee, your dishes still in her sink—your sink—your clothes in the washing machine, your…

“I can’t,” Kara whispers, her voice filled with the amount of sorrow only she can manage, “I can’t lose two of my worlds. I’m not strong enough.”

Kara Zor-El not being strong enough. It’s a humorous thought. You know Kara will fight, she’ll fight because it’s all she knows. She’ll find her reason. She won’t give up on the world, even if she gives up on herself for some time. It’s the one thing you need to be sure of right now.

“Yeah you are,” you mumble, trying to lift your shaky hand to cup her cheek. She grabs a hold of your hand and helps you to your destination. You try not to scream curses at the world at the sight of your blood on her pale cheek. “You, Kara Danvers, are an anomaly in the way you never let anything knock you down.”

“This is enough,” Kara promises, and it’s the last promise you’d ever want to hear from her, “you’re enough to ruin me.”

“Kara,” you whisper, hating the world so furiously in that moment for all it wants to take. “That’s the last thing I want to hear...I only ever want to build you up.”

“And you do,” Kara says, “but love really does both, doesn’t it? Sometimes it hurts as much as it heals.”

“That isn’t fair,” you whimper out, and Kara nods against your hand, closing her eyes and trying not to breathe in the smell of your blood.

Moments later Kara opens her eyes in a panic after realizing that you haven’t spoken, only to see you trying to blink your eyes awake. She squeezes your hand repeatedly, trying to get your attention. “Y/N, it’s not time.” She tells you desperately, “it’s not time.”

One of her tears fall against your cheek, causing you to pout. “Stop crying,” you slur, delirious from the blood loss, “I resent it when you cry because of me.”

Kara shakes her head, only crying harder.

You smile up at her sadly, “I'm sorry i’m dying.” And you mean it.

“Stop saying that,” Kara pleads, like it’s breaking her, “stop.”

You wish you could give Kara what she wants but your eyelids are getting heavier and heavier and you don’t think you have much time. “Just tell Alex to name a kid after me, or at least tell her to name a fish after me.”

Kara’s shaking her head and shaking your arm, trying to get you to open your eyes again, “Y/N! Hey! Stop, come on, baby, just open your eyes…”

You try, you really do, you’ve never tried so hard to listen before, and it works for a moment, just for a second you manage to open your eyes, much to Kara’s relief, and that’s when you finally notice a crowd of people and a slumped alien (the man you two were fighting) a little ways behind you and Kara. When did Kara do that to him? When did the people come?

It’s when you see Alex though, rushing out of a black van, that you feel some sort of relief. Alex will protect Kara when you’re gone. You’re sure of it.

—

“Wake up! Wake up,” Kara sobs, “Alex, Alex—please, she’s not—”

—

“She died, Kara, in the van, we managed to bring her back...but things are looking uncertain right now. For now, the best thing you can do is look after yourself”

Kara’s glowing red eyes snap up from the floor towards Alex. Her powers have been going haywire since they arrived at the DEO. “Save her,” Kara pleads, voice hoarse from crying. “Please.”

—

It’s late at night after Kara hears your heart stop (the second time) that she gets placed in kryptonite handcuffs.

Alex doesn’t want to do it but Kara isn’t in control of her powers anymore, and she almost seriously hurt someone. Multiple times.

Kara doesn’t leave your side after they get your heart going again, she can’t hear your heart with the kryptonite on so the only thing she can take comfort in is the beeping of your heart monitor.

—

You wake up two weeks after your accident.

Kara’s asleep next to you when you do.

You’re confused and thirsty so it takes you several long moments for you to remember what happened, and once you do you’re sobbing hard, crying loud enough to startle awake a sleeping Kara.

She freezes when she sees you, you’re curled up in the hospital bed and shaking with your relief and the leftover fear, and she’s watching you like she doesn’t know what to do now that you’re awake.

She’s been praying for this moment, imagining it, waiting for it day after day, minute after minute, second after second, but now that it’s actually happened she’s paralyzed with her overwhelming emotions.

“Y/N?” Kara stutters, eyes filling with her own tears of relief.

You laugh at Kara’s face, loud and completely joyful, and suddenly she’s sobbing too, grinning all the while, because you’re here—finally— you’re gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay, and you’re laughing, and the world is finally okay again too.

“Damn, weren’t we dramatic?” You smirk, paying no mind to the tears running down your or her face.

Kara laughs, pulling you into a careful hug (she got her handcuffs taken off only a day ago). “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” you whisper back, tightening your hold on Kara as much as you can and simply breathing her in. Breathing life in.

“I feel like i’m dreaming,” Kara says after a while, voice trembling. You feel like you're dead...and like you're in heaven. Is this heaven?

“You aren’t,” you reassure Kara anyways.

She nods against your shoulder, shaking even harder than you were. “Are you okay?” You ask worriedly.

“you’re the one who had to go and die two times.”

“Nearly three times,” Alex says from the doorway.

You notice Kara tense and shift in front of you until she realizes it’s just Alex, and you think that’ll probably be something you two will have to talk about, but for now you roll your eyes at Alex and say, much to both Kara’s and her amusement; “the only reason you tried so hard to save me is because you didn’t want to name your kid after me, isn’t it?”

Alex’s shrug and “maybe” gets a glare from Kara and a smirk from you.

[nicka-nell]

I'm Kiyoomi Sakusa and I'm a germaphobe - Chapter 9: I was here, but you weren’t

Words: 1.503

Warning: mention of death, maybe angst?, grief, manga spoiler

Chapter 8 - a coffee please     | Masterlist

(y/n) = your name | (l/n) = last name | (e/c) = eye colour | (h/c) = hair colour

"I’m home again!" (y/n) shouts as she takes off her shoes and walks into the living room. With his finger, Kaede taps a passage in the book, what he is reading at the moment, and looks up at the loud voice that comes ever closer. When he sees (y/n), he closes the book with his bookmark and gets up from the couch to lovingly hug his little sister.

Together they still sit on the couch and enjoy the evening with a few series and a snack. Shortly before one, the two go into their bedrooms and lie down to sleep. However, before (y/n) falls asleep, she writes to Kiyoomi where he is to come tomorrow.

After a good night’s sleep, (y/n) gets up at eight in the morning and takes a nice warm shower. She then dries her hair and dresses to prepare breakfast for her and her brother.

Down in the kitchen, she already sees Kaede sitting at the table with a cup of coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs. Somewhat tired, he looks up at her and points to the pan on the hob. “Good morning, little one, breakfast just finished, so eat up. I have to go. My shift starts in an hour." She happily walks towards the hob and scrapes the pan with the wooden spoon empty. While the coffee runs out of her fully automatic coffee machine, she puts her breakfast and cutlery at the table next to Kaede before she also takes the finished coffee from the machine.

“How did you sleep Kaede?" she asks him and kisses him on the cheek. “Could have been better. And you? Did you dream about your Yoomitory rat?” he laughs. “My what?” she asks irritated and frowns. “I mean your Yoomitory rat. Kiyoomi and laboratory rat are together Yoomitory rat.” While shaking her head she twists her eyes and starts laughing. “You're out of your mind. Go ahead and make your money, you seven-year-old kid." She smiles and puts the first bite of scrambled eggs in her mouth.

Happy, Kaede gets up from his chair and washes off his dishes, so he can get ready for his working day. (y/n) too, gets ready for the evening with Kiyoomi after her breakfast. Goes once again to the weekly market and prepares the meal for this evening and for tomorrow.

But shortly before eight, her cell phone rings. Could this be Kiyoomi? She asks herself and dries her hands off to go to her cell phone. 'Kaede (l/n)' is on their display. Oh no... It can’t be good, it comes her in the head, and she takes the phone call.

“Kaede?” she asks anxiously. “(y/n)... We just got an emergency. Probably two buses got into each other and over thirty injured people are brought to our hospital. I know you have your day off, but we can’t do without good staff like you. Please come and help us." Kaede’s restless voice sounds on the other line.

A bus accident... how terrible. Her blood freezes with the number of injured. "I’ll be right there.” she answers him absent-minded and lets her phone fall to the ground. She quickly grabs her key and her coat and drives with her car as fast as she can to the clinic.

-

He’s a little early, but (y/n) already told him she has the day off today. Since he is so early, Kiyoomi goes down the street at a slow pace and now has only to go through a small park before he arrives at (y/n)'s house.

Arriving at the street she mentioned, Kiyoomi stands in front of a large, modern house and is amazed. He quickly looks again at the address she had sent him to make sure that this house really belongs to her. The bell also has the name (l/n) on it, so this must really be her house. Well, as a surgeon... she certainly does not earn so little, he thinks and rings.

But no one opens the door. He rings again, assuming that she just didn’t hear it. But again, nothing. Did she stand him up? Once again he bends forward and rings several times, even knocks on the door because he thinks the bell is broken. A bit annoyed he reaches to his mobile phone and tries to call her, but there goes the voicemail. Why did she just stand him up?

Angry, he turns around and goes home. She could have at least sent him a message. But no, she just lets him walk through felt ten different parks until he finally gets on her doorstep. Now he has to walk all the way back with all these people in the park, for what? For absolutely nothing.

Once home, he takes a hot shower and tries to cheer up his thoughts with this warm shower. When he dries up, he looks back at his cell phone. Again, her words shoot through his head. You shall meet with other people. With a hissing sound he reaches for the small device in front of him and enters a message into his mobile phone.

-

It's terrible. People lie on their beds waiting to be treated screaming. But much worse are the people who lie on their beds and no longer scream. Because these people are already seeing the light on the other side.

“Good thing you’re here (l/n)-sensei!” Wakami greets the doctor hastily. “A woman is about to be brought in with internal bleeding and several broken bones. The state is very serious.” She brings her up to date. Nodding, (y/n) sets out when she is stopped by a man in the hallway. He’s got a head injury stitched up.

“Please! Please, you must help my wife!" the stranger begs her and holds her to her sleeve. Shocked, she loosens his grip. The man is at most ten years older than her, so his wife is the patient to operate on now? God, that must be awful for the man. “Please stay calm and let me go now. The more time I lose here with you, the more time I lose to save your wife, so please let me go." She answers him calmly but with a lot of pressure in her voice. Crying he dodges to the back. “Yes...please help her... She just gave birth to our son two months ago, and he can’t lose his mother... Please help her." He sobs. Nodding, (y/n) turns around and runs towards the operating room.

Once there, the horror awaits her. Never before has she had such a seriously injured patient lying in front of her. But she must not be afraid now, she must now have confidence in her abilities and stick to the point.

Several hours pass and shortly before three o'clock at night she steps out of the operating room. Her brother had already warned her... he had told her that the day will come when she will lose her first patient. That this day must be today of all days, with a young woman five years older than her, with a two-month-old child and a husband who loves her... She wasn’t expecting this.

With a heavy heart, she goes to the waiting room, where the man is already shaking like a heap of misery, and with tears in his eyes he is rocking back and forth. “Yui-san? Can I talk to you...?" She looks at him with a queasy feeling. “You’re the doctor who operated on my wife, how is she?" So much hope can be seen in his face. So much hope she’ll take away from him.

Her heart hurts at her next words. “I'm sorry, Yui-san... but, I really couldn’t do anything for your wife. Her bleeding was too severe... her organs were damaged too badly and all the fractures also caused complications. I'm... I'm really sorry, Yui-san... I-” She is about to finish her sentence, but is interrupted by him.

With a pain-filled face, he jumps up and grabs her by the shoulders. “That’s a lie! That’s not true!" he yells at her. The grip on her shoulders hurts. “Unfortunately, this is not a lie. We really tried everything. I know my words don’t comfort you but...", “Stop! Be quiet!" he cries again and presses her against the wall. “(l/n)-sensei!" she hears the voice of Wakami. „Security Men! We need security men here!" She calls into the hallway and after only a few seconds, two tall, strong men step into the room and pull the man, eaten by grief, away with all their strength from (y/n).

“I’m sorry..." Broken and so quiet that only she can hear, she brings these words out and tears flow down her cheek.

That day, she had six more patients on her operating table, all of them successfully treated. Only this one young woman not...

Chapter 10 - I am sorry

Taglist: @kara-grayson04​ @suna-allie​

PS: @sckusa thank you for the inspiration I got from your Yoomiaster. I started here to connect 'Kiyoomi' with other words. (Yoomitory rat) But there will also be a real yoomiaster. So... I just wanted to say thank you one more time. 🤗💚

[mountainofgoats]

Puzzle Pieces

Summary: Post mind wipe, Kara seeks comfort from the only place she can think of. Lena steps up. Supercorp if you squint. 

///

               The knock to her door is stuttered and frantic. Like the desperate beating of a trapped animal against its cage.

               She grabs her gun from the bedside table before she answers.

               What she does not expect is to find a trembling, teary eyed Kara Danvers practically slumped against the doorframe.

               Concern immediately replaces suspicion. “Kara what-“

               Kara shakes her head, all but flings herself into Lena’s arms with so much force she nearly drops the gun. She’s absolutely heaving with sobs, something like words spilling from her lips but they’re so ragged that Lena can’t make any sense of them.

               “Okay, okay, it’s okay,” Lena tries, even though clearly nothing is okay. “Shh, Kara, come on.” She holds Kara as tight as she can with the gun still dangling from one hand, hauling her backwards into the apartment and kicking the door shut behind her. Kara lets herself be manhandled onto the couch, where Lena collapses with her practically on her lap. She sits there, murmuring constant and slightly panicked words of comfort while Kara just… falls apart.

               There’s no other words for how Kara is cracking to pieces, absolutely fraying at the seams. She’s nearly hyperventilating, holding on to Lena for dear life, gasping and heaving like she’s drowning. And through it all, she’s rasping out words.

               Or, what sounds like words.

               Foreign words.

               Lena had no idea Kara was bilingual.

               “Kara, I can’t understand you,” she says softly, stroking Kara’s hair and rocking her as much as she can with her best friend half on top of her. “I need English. Or Irish, at least.”

               Kara presses her face farther against Lena’s shoulder, clutching at her. Still crying, shattering to pieces. She gasps out a phrase in that language that Lena has never heard, but she catches one word.

               Kahp sem zehdh. Kahp sem Alex.

               Alex.

               Alex, her sister. Her rock. Her best friend.

               Kara is in pieces, sobbing out her sister’s name, clinging to Lena like she’s the only thing keeping her afloat, and Lena’s panic is only growing. Blood icy, heart thundering, Lena gently pries Kara away just enough to cup her face, swiping away tears from her cheeks. “Kara, what happened?”

God, Lena’s not even sure she wants to know.

               Kara holds Lena’s hands to her face – gasping, heaving – eyes locked on Lena’s with silent desperation. Her blue eyes, usually so bright with life and light, are wild. Haunted. Like she’s in the throes of a waking nightmare.

               “She’s gone,” Kara rasps. Clutching at Lena, tears rolling over her cheeks despite Lena’s constantly stroking fingers. “She wont- she can’t-“

               Oh god oh god oh god. “What are you talking about?”

               Kara squeezes her eyes shut in obvious agony. “She won’t remember. She won’t- she won’t know, she won’t see.” She coughs out another sob, words slurring back into that language that sounds more and more familiar with each word.

               Except the only time Lena���s ever heard it… was before.

               Before Lex was arrested. Before he really, truly went mad.

               Before, when he was just studying Superman.

               When he was trying to decipher Superman’s language. Kryptonian.

               The language that is just spilling out of Kara with the ease of a native speaker.

               “Jesus Christ.”

               ///

Lena’s brain spirals too much to be of much comfort, but Kara soaks her shirt with tears for an hour and doesn’t seem to notice.

               She knows she is still missing vital pieces of the puzzle, but from what she’s been able to discern out of Kara’s anguished cries, she thinks she can build something of a picture.

               And when Kara finally cries herself out and slumps, exhausted and asleep against the back of the couch, Lena eases out from underneath her and immediately plops down at her laptop at the kitchen island.

               She types, taps, searches, and spirals for another hour before there’s a muffled shuffling from the couch.

               “Lena?”

               She looks up, and Kara is sitting up on the couch, groggily rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands. And for a moment, she looks just so young and lost that Lena forgets for the briefest of seconds that the woman currently stumbling off her couch can literally catch bullets with her bare hands. Has brawled with Superman and Worldkillers and flown prisons into space.

               “There’s Chinese,” Lena blurts. She gestures a little helplessly toward the cartons sitting out on the counter. “If you want.”

               She doesn’t wait for Kara to respond. Just fixes her eyes back on the screen in front of her, at the countless tabs of news articles and videos she’s spent the last hour combing through. Putting the pieces together and feeling more and more ignorant with each one that fell into place.

               How could she not have seen it?

               She feels rather than sees Kara approach. She keeps tapping away at the keys. Knowing the words she’s writing, but feeling oddly disconnected from them.

               “Lena?” Her voice is tiny. “A-about earlier…”

               “You don’t have to explain right now,” Lena says. Please don’t try to explain right now.

               “But I want – you deserve – “

               “Let me rephrase.” Her voice comes out harsh and cold, and Kara flinches back. “I don’t want you to try to explain why you’ve lied to me for the past three years.” Her heart twists and her eyes burn. “I don’t want to hear it, because I’ll probably say something hurtful and, to be honest, I don’t think you can take much more of that tonight. So just… don’t.”

               Kara is clearly fighting tears, throat bobbing as she swallows and hands wringing together so tight her fingers are turning red. And part of Lena hates herself for it, for making Kara hurt any more than she already was.

               But she feels too damn angry and betrayed to take any of it back.

“I didn’t want to,” Kara whispers. She twists at her fingers, pulls at her sleeves. “I never meant… I just wanted…” She reaches up and wipes at a tear, sniffling softly. Her shoulders drop, heavy and hopeless. “I just wanted you safe.”

And fuck, she just seems so lost.

Lena leans back in her chair, allowing herself to really see Kara.

The last daughter of Krypton. The hero who stands unyielding against those who would do Earth harm.

The girl who lost everything – her family, her people, her culture, her planet – in one fell swoop when she was only a child.

The girl who, apparently, just lost her sister.

And judging by the way she holds herself now – chin slightly tucked, shoulders curled, as if in preparation for a blow – she thinks she stands to lose more.

“We have a lot to talk about,” Lena says softly. Kara flinches again and Lena has to swallow back tears at the way her heart constricts in response. “And we will. But not right now. We’re both too emotional and I’m not going to do that to you.”

Kara shakes her head miserably, opens her mouth to protest.

“Let’s figure this thing out with your sister,” Lena cuts in. “Let’s fix that first, and then… we’ll figure us out, okay?”

And if she’s being honest with herself, she’s not too optimistic for when that conversation inevitably comes. In fact, a tendril of dread curls around her heart at the nanosecond she lets herself consider it.

But looking at Kara now, at the way it’s as if even the barest of touches would send her crumbling to her knees, she can’t bring herself to make Kara explain. Not tonight.

“Okay,” Kara whispers.

Lena gives her a decisive nod. “Okay then.” She returns her attention to the screen in front of her, clicking away at all the photos and videos.

Slowly, Kara edges her way farther into the kitchen, around the island and slips onto the barstool next to Lena. Trembling hands reach out and pull a carton of lo mien toward her. Wordlessly, halfheartedly, she twirls the noodles around a fork.

“But why would you want to help me? After… that.”

Lena glances over, and Kara is staring down at her fork, eyes glassy and bloodshot and absolutely miserable. Her heart aches again despite her best efforts to beat it into submission.

She drags her eyes away from Kara’s. “I know how it feels.”

She hears echoes of laughter, feels the ghost of Lex’s hand ruffling her hair, remnants of goofing off in the lab and playing chess.

Flashes of the witness stand, the burst of betrayal in his eyes before it was swallowed by the fanatical gleam.

The gaping hole in her life where her brother should be throbs.

“I wouldn’t wish that kind of loss on anyone.” Least of all her best friend, who she loves so much.

Maybe too much.

After a quiet moment of Kara trying and failing to eat her lo mien, of Lena trying and failing to not miss the brother she lost, Kara starts to lean over. So incredibly slowly, giving Lena every opportunity to pull away.

But she doesn’t, and the weight of Kara’s head resting on her shoulder brings more warmth and comfort into her aching heart than she wants to admit. In spite of herself, in spite of the flicker of anger and betrayal growing smaller and smaller, she lets her cheek rest against Kara’s hair. And when Kara heaves a sigh like it’s coming from the depths of her battered soul, Lena leans until their shoulders are pressed together across the barstools.

She’ll be flaming mad later, she decides. She’ll yell and probably cry and she doesn’t know if their friendship will survive, but for now…

God, do they need each other to hold on to.

Idly, she moves the curser on the screen up to a different tab, clicks on it. A journal written on memory and psychology blips onto the screen.

“So you mentioned something about a memory wipe? Tell me about it. We’ll start there.”

///

Kahp sem zehdh: I want home.

@storyiicharacter, thanks for the Kryptonian translation. It’s still ripping my heart out. 

[iminyourhandskara]

Battles Lost and Won - Karamel One Shot

A rewrite of the season 3 finale.

in this version, winn didn't leave for the 31st century and brainy goes with the legion, it is not brainiac the legion is fighting in the future. enjoy!

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“Well you did it. Just like a Greek myth. You went down to the underworld and slayed the three-headed monster and saved Persephone.” Mon-El approached Kara on the DEO balcony, somewhere they’ve found each other pretty often in the last few months, somewhere they shared a lot of advices and conversations only they could have. Kara smiled looking down before correcting Mon-El’s still flattering comment, “Uh, I think in the myth Persephone eats pomegranate seeds and is confined to the realm of Hades forever.”

“Yeah well that just strengthens my point because the Greek Gods have nothing on you.” He continued without missing a beat, overwhelming Kara for a second. “It was far from perfect, for many reasons but..I couldn’t have done it without you.“ He had been the partner she had always dreamed of, ever since he landed on Earth and she took him under her wing. They could understand each other so well and predict each other’s moves with a look: but that ability didn’t come from their trainings or fights together on the battlefield. Quite the opposite. “No, that’s not true. This victory was yours. And it was flawless.” Mon-El had always been so sincere when it came to complimenting Kara, she recognized his honesty by simply looking at his eyes, she swore she could still see the shadow of the boy from Daxam she loved over a year ago.

“What’s on your mind?” “Before we went to Argo, I just had this thought that I could be Kara Zor-El, ordinary citizen..I would feel like I was home. But when we were fighting Reign and the witches, I had this moment, this realization that Argo City is not my home anymore. National City is. Earth is. And my mission is to protect it. My whole life is here.” She took a breath, “Messy. Complex. Balancing Kara and being a hero, that’s…that’s who I am.” Was she satisfied with this realization, though? Was Kara actually happy to give up that girl from Krypton, because Earth had welcomed her? Because she felt like she owed something to this planet? There was no denying that she had no other choice than to be only Kara Danvers, how could she be Kara Zor-El without…

“I have loved fighting by your side. Being there through all of it, the ups and down, the particularly tough days.” Mon-El interrupted her with a broken voice, his eyes were visibly covered in tears; whatever was coming, Mon-El didn’t want to say it, and most importantly, Kara didn’t want to hear it.  “You know for a moment there, I thought that maybe this was my place. My time.”

“It is. It is.” An echo haunted both of their minds, it just couldn’t reach their lips. “But I learned some troubling things today about the future.” And finally..the dreaded words, came with a tremble in his voice. “I need to go back.“

His heart shut off, he shut out everything that anchored him to National City, giving voice only to Mon-El the Legionnaire, the Leader. “I can’t abandon the Legion or the world that I swore to protect right when they need me most.” ’Duty over happiness. Duty over love. Earth comes first. I don’t want to go. But I have to go.’

“I know you can’t. You wouldn’t be the man you are if you did, the man I admire so much.” ‘Don’t go. Don’t go. Please. I made that mistake a year ago. Don’t go. We can make it work. Don’t go.’ Looking at Mon-El and hearing what he had to say, Kara relived the day she hated the most. It was like he was repeating the same things she thought to convince herself that back then, sending him away was the right choice.

“Well I guess we both have some saving to do.” ‘There’s nothing we can do. We tried. We belong to different worlds.’ A bitter chuckle escaped his mouth, when all he wanted to do was scream. His feet started to walk away from Kara and Mon-El realized that this really was the end of their story, until he stopped in his tracks and removed his Legion Ring from his finger: “Hey. It’s about time you had one of your own”

He had her necklace, she had his ring. “Thanks.” Tears were forming in Kara’s eyes, inevitably, she almost wanted to yell at him to go away and make things easier: she didn’t want him to know how much it hurt to say goodbye once again, she didn’t want Mon-El to feel guilty of her pain, she didn’t want him to see her being so vulnerable.

“In case you ever need me.” He said so softly, like it was a dying breath, like it was his last caress on her cheek and just like that..he left. Mon-El said goodbye to the world he wished he could call his home, but just couldn’t; Mon-El simply was a piece of a game that was way bigger than him.

In the meantime, Kara cried on the balcony. The city below her feet was so loud, while she had been so quiet. Those words she couldn’t say before filled her stomach like a weight that hurt too much. Why was she back at the same point? Why couldn’t she let her thoughts come out? Why did she let Mon-El go again? Why? Why?

Kara’s elbows rested on the balcony, her hands were covering her face, her sobs barely audible when she felt a touch on her shoulder. “Kara.” “Imra?” She was definitely the person she least expected to see in that moment. “I know it’s a difficult moment, but I wrote this..you need to read it. You deserve to know all the truth.”

The Kryptonian dried her cheeks quickly, confused by whatever she meant, but thankful. “Thank you, Imra.” “You’re welcome.” She smiled before turning away, not wanting to make this more painful than it already was for Kara. “One thing..” “Yes?” “Keep an eye on him for me.” Imra nodded sadly, but determined to keep her word, she knew that the bond they shared was something she couldn’t even comprehend.

"Mom? I know you have to go back to Argo City but... can you please stay one more night? I would like to show you where I live and..I really need my mom right now.” Kara smiled at Alura, but the woman could easily see that something was broken inside of her daughter’s eyes: it didn’t take long for her to figure out what the problem was. “Of course, my dear.” The mother pulled Kara in her arms for a hug; she caressed her blond locks just like she did when she had nightmares as a child, Kara’s head rested on her shoulder as she breathed shakily. “It’s okay,” Alura consoled her, “I’m here, it’s alright.”

 Kara opened the door of her apartment, “And this..is where I live. Kitchen, living room, bedroom and bathroom’s on the left.” She pointed at each room. “It looks cozy in here! What do you usually do on nights like these?” “Nights like what?” “After such a big victory.” Kara laughed as she placed her purse on a chair and her glasses on the table, “I don’t really have..a tradition.” “You should have.” “I’ve only been doing this superheroing thing for a few years, I’ve had a couple of victories like this but..I never had the chance to celebrate.” The grin from her face had disappeared, after realizing that she never felt truly satisfied about those battles she had won: she always had a parallel battle lost. Alura’s voice shifted, she knew that her daughter was thinking about something heaving on her heart, “Come sit here.”

Kara chewed on her lower lip, “I was just thinking..when we beat Non and Indigo we were celebrating, until a pod crashed..and it was Mon-El’s.” “I guess it’s time to bring up that talk we mentioned back then on Argo, what do you think?” She inhaled deeply, “Then last year, we beat the Daxamites but I was more devastated than happy; we used a lead diffuser to have them retreat and I had to send Mon-El away. For months I believed I had killed him. Then it turned out, he actually hit a disruption that sent him to the 31st century and that’s where he spent seven years.. until we found his ship.” “That’s a lot to take in..” “And the worst part of it all, was that for just for one second I thought we could pick things up from where we had left them but.. he got married. Imra is his wife.” Kara had gotten so used to that word, to that phrase she pronounced many times, but it still hurt enough to make her close her eyes. “And are they still together?” “I guess, why do you ask?” “I saw them talking on the DEO balcony before, I saw them hugging but it didn’t seem like a..married couple hug.” “Mom, I appreciate you wanting to make the pill easier to swallow, but—wait. I just remembered that Imra gave me a letter to read.” “Really? What did she say?” “Not much, only that ‘I deserved to know the whole truth’, whatever that means.” “What are you waiting for? Open it!” Kara stood up and walked to take the letter in her purse, “What if I don’t want to read this? What if there’s something that hurts me written inside of this letter?” Her heart started pounding, she couldn’t bear more pain. “Then I’ll be with you, by your side.” Alura had a point, no matter what was written in that letter, Kara didn’t have to go through hurt by herself. She was going to be okay. Taking one more deep breath, she noticed a few crossed words and scribbles, she started reading out loud sitting near her mom: “Dear Kara, I’m writing this in a rush and I know we didn’t really have the opportunity to talk one on one while I was in National City and we often fought over our plans on how to defeat the Worldkillers, but I want to tell you all the things I couldn’t say or..didn’t want to say before. Just know that your example has truly shaped all of the Legionnaires into the heroes we are now, and I’m sorry if I lost sight of what we stand for when my family came in between. And finally..you probably hate the mention of the seven years Mon-El has spent in the 31st century but please, keep reading. You think you know the truth, but you only know the shell of it: when the Blight killed my sister, my parents took all their rage and fury on humans, planning on destroying Earth. This happened not long after I met Mon-El, right when the Legion was founded; we were team mates and friends, he was still suffering and mourning you, not knowing what he had to do to honor you or what you would have done in his place. We had to unite Earth and Titan to find peace, before it was too late. My father decided we had to get married. Mon-El was not in love with me, I wasn’t in love with him, but those were the rules if we didn’t want another war breaking out. Over time, my feelings became more real, and also his: that is, at least, what he wanted to think; we got used to each other but we were never truly in love. Not like you two were. For all those years I’ve seen him fidgeting with his necklace whenever he was depressed, conflicted, in a dark place. His necklace was his only anchor, it gave Mon-El hope in the most difficult times and I suspect you have something to do with it: he never told us anything about it, he’s really possessive of it. Him and I aren’t together anymore, his love for you never faded away, it’s clear to see. He still loves you with all his heart. I’m so sorry new missions got in the way and Mon-El needed to go back. I truly wanted him to stay with you: he’s different, he is happier, he seems healthier when he’s around your team at the DEO. The 31st century deteriorated him, but I promise you we will not let anything bad happen to him. Imra.”

The tears were now flowing down Kara’s cheeks, she didn’t even have the strength to say a word; she was petrified by all the words she had just read, the whole truth had overwhelmed her. Alura was just as shocked, but kept holding her daughter close. It surely wasn’t an easy bite to swallow. “Mom..I thought he moved on.” Kara managed to say through sobs, “Do you know how many times I told myself to move on and be happy because that’s what he did? How many times I had to pretend to be okay in front of them and repeat to myself that there was nothing to do?” Kara didn’t know if she had to be mad at herself, at Imra, at Mon-El, at Rao, at the whole universe that kept bringing them back together just to tear them apart again: she felt every single emotion flowing through her veins, yet she had never felt that weak. Then all at once, the realization: he had never stopped loving her. Kara had been afraid that all the words he had told her in Argo City, in that dream like garden, were just a product of an infatuation based on memories; she believed that was just a spur of the moment thing and he would’ve gone back to his wife, but now, she knew that she had fooled herself. “It’s too late now..I wasted too much time focusing on defeating Reign that I forgot to talk to Mon-El..about us. I should’ve told him to stay, mom..he would’ve stayed.” She threw that piece of paper on the floor. ”Before he left.. I- I gave him your necklace. Do you remember what you told me before sending me away from Krypton?” ”That the necklace would’ve kept you safe and I would’ve been with you in your dreams.” Her eyes closed once again, nodding, devastated. ”Mom, I loved him.” ”I know, Kara..” The brokenness in her voice had become prominent, her pauses were replaced by sobs and there was nothing Alura could’ve said that would’ve made that pain easier to handle.

The next morning, Kara hadn’t really woken up, since she hadn’t slept at all, but her alarm clock momentarily interrupted the tornado of thoughts that haunted her: it was the same cycle starting all over again. Loving someone always ended up with leaving. The regret covered all her face, Kara hadn’t let Mon-El stay. That was the thing she needed the most in that moment: someone who would stay. “I can’t leave you like this.” Alura said worryingly, she knew she had responsibilities on Argo City as part of the Council, but family came first. “No, no, you have to go. You have a city to take care of. I’ll be fine.” “Kara, please stop this.” “Stop what?” “Pretending you’re fine.” She paused, “I didn’t say I’m fine. I said I will be.” “Then let me stay until you are.” “I can’t let you stay here knowing that there’s a planet waiting for one of its leaders.” “Is this Supergirl talking? Or Kara, my Kara Zor-El?” Kara shook her head, not seeing the point in her mother’s question. “What do you mean?” “For a second, stop worrying so much about responsibility and work, stop worrying about what’s morally correct, stop caring about other people. Stop being Supergirl. For a second, be only Kara; now tell me, would you want me to stay? Until I know you’re alright?” That question opened a hole in Kara’s heart, she definitely didn’t expect such a thing: she had stopped seeing herself as “Only Kara” in the moment she put on that red cape, she had never allowed herself to see things from that perspective. Kara remembered what Cat Grant once told her, when she wanted to rescue Mon-El and Lena without hitting the Daxamite ship, “Wanting to rescue them is not selfish, it’s everything.” Feeling love, sadness, anger or wanting someone by her side wasn’t selfish, it wasn’t a favor she was doing for herself, it was everything. This was what being human was all about, it wasn’t about having a normal job and a normal life. “Yes.” With a weak voice, Kara finally replied truthfully.

It had been a week since Alura decided to stay, but since Kara was comfortable again in her daily routine, they both decided it was time to separate. “Let’s not make this more emotional than what it already is, okay? Winn is already working on a new spaceship with J’onn, but until then we have the portal.” Kara smiled, “Thank you for everything, mom.” “I love you.” “I love you, too.” They hugged each other for long seconds, before waving goodbye: Alura smiled back at her daughter and her team, which was also a second family she had loved to meet.

Obviously much time had gotten lost, but they knew now there was so much to spend ahead of the two of them, Kara had been so grateful to receive a second chance with her mom; she wished she could’ve said the same thing about Mon-El. Their second chance passed them by without realizing, one was wondering what the other was thinking, assuming they didn’t love each other anymore and their time was over. The loft was incredibly silent in that evening, a deafening silence she only noticed in the first months Mon-El was gone but then went away with time and help by her friends, whether it was a game or a movie night.

But again, Kara decided to not host those nights for a while, having to get used to loneliness once more: as she was sipping her coffee after dinner watching television, a knock interrupted the quietness; apparently, her friends were too stubborn and wanted to organize a surprise game night, or so she thought, until..she opened the door. “Hi.” Kara almost closed the door again, thinking it was a mirage, a bad prank her brain was pulling on her, but no. It was real, he was real. Mon-El was standing in front of her and she was doing absolutely nothing. except for breathing heavily. She couldn’t even get a word out, so she decided to pull him into her arms and let that do the talking. “How- how are you here?” His hands, just like hers, kept caressing her hair onto her back. “It might have been eight years, but I would never forget where your apartment is.” Mon-El smiled gleefully. “I meant here, in National City, in the 21st century.” “Oh, that! Well..Brainy dropped me here.” They finally walked into the apartment and closed the door, “Wow.” Mon-El hadn’t been in that place in eight years and he was overwhelmed, Kara smiled tearfully at that,“Come sit here.” A strange feeling of déjà-vu crossed both of them, “Tell me what happened.” “I- I don’t even know exactly what happened. All I know was that once we arrived in the future, things were different than what Brainy had told.” “But he’s never wrong, I mean, mathematically speaking at least.” “Yeah, I thought so too. But he said that the past changed because of a disruption, therefore the future had changed too. The enemy we were supposed to defeat had already been dead for centuries, because someone we both know had killed him.” “Wait, who?” “Technically, I’m not supposed to say it because it could change the future, but he has your same glyph but doesn’t wear a skirt.” Kara and Mon-El laughed like they hadn’t in months, both still not believing that they were on that couch together again. A little hesitantly, Kara asked Mon-El: “What made you..come back? I thought you said that this wasn’t your place.” Mon-El knew that that question was coming, he knew he was going to sound like a hypocrite: “In the moment I stepped back there, I realized that I didn’t belong to that place anymore. The Legion was the only thing that kept me there,but I had taught them all I had to teach. I used to call it my home because I thought that was the reality I was destined to live in. It was time to be a little selfish again, for once. Imra is the leader now, I’m not needed anymore in the 31st century. So, that’s why I’m back.” ‘It’s you, I’m here for you.’ was what he truly meant. Kara looked at Mon-El silently for a few seconds: “I..I hit that disruption.” “What?” His eyes went wide, “How?” “I used your legion ring. In the previous version of the timeline, I didn’t handle things well with Reign. I managed to kill her but..she killed my mom and..” “And?” Mon-El’s hand was absentmindedly stroking hers on her knee, something he once did every time he was worried about Kara. “And she hit J’onn too, but you pushed him out of her way. She killed you, too.” Her hand was now on top of his, her gaze lowered. Mon-El grabbed her chin, making Kara look at him. “But you’re here now.” “Now I am.” Both had learned an important lesson about time, and that was it wasn’t supposed to be wasted: his hand dropped from her chin, kissing her softly like the first time, but hunger and passion accompanied his sweetness. Kara leaned naturally into Mon-El’s hands, they were moving in a perfect synch. It was like a lifetime had passed since they last lay on that couch and their lips and tongues met, but not for their bodies that knew one another so well; their touches sent electric shocks down their spines, they could feel these wonderful sensations only when they were together. For so long they believed they couldn’t feel that way ever again, but despite all the odds, Mon-El was now carrying Kara to her bed and giggling between the kisses, high on love. That was definitely going to be the happiest night they’ve had in years. It had become so easy for them to give up on romance as superheroes, to be pessimistic and believe that the worst was yet to come; after all they had been through, thinking that happy endings weren’t meant for Supergirl and Valor had become the safest option. At the end they could see that even if it sounded like a cliché, love could find a way, love did find a way.

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thank you for reading, i hope you guys liked this! i promised myself and all of you that i would've wrote something based on the finale in the moment i watched it, and two months later i finally did it! i apologise for mistakes or repetitions, let me know what you guys think in my inbox and in your reblogs❤️❤️