#((and so much fun for it! and i've been enjoying emily being the monster for a change too!))

[theheadlessgroom]

@beatingheart-bride

Honestly, Randall was surprised to know that someone else she knew was afraid of the Fae: In many ways, it seemed like such a uniquely Pace fear, as his father confessed to being similarly superstitious on account of having been raised on the same stories, seeing nothing fun or whimsical about being at the whim of such capricious beings. To know someone else out there had the same fear, it was a pleasant surprise to hear, honestly.

And honestly, he didn't hold it against her for laughing; it was a little funny, he could admit that...a grown man being paralyzed by the idea of the likes of Tinkerbell was an admittedly funny image, and so he could laugh along, before he listened to her own confession, and finding an affinity with her when she did.

"Ah, I, uh, I used to get spooked by thunderstorms too," he replied with a small smile, saying, "I used to think the thunder was, uh...the footsteps of giants walking around, probably looking for children to gobble up. When I was very little, I used to walk up and run hollering to my parents' room and want to sleep between them."

Fortunately, his parents were good sports about letting him sleep there for the night, his mother kissing his dark curls and swearing not to let a giant snack on her little boy, while his father bundled him in blankets, promising to fight any giants who dared stick their big noses in their houses. Randall, at that age, firmly believed his father could take down such beings, just like the giant heroes of old, and that made him feel very safe and secure as he drifted off back to sleep.

[joecial-distancing]

2024 Mediatimes

Absolutely disgusted to be drafting a post on here again. RIP Cohost.

Didn't do, like, a ton of highbrow media engagement, but did manage to get caught up with a handful of classics. Also makes it easier to come up with some resolutions & plans of action for them, so hey it's not all bad.

Literature!

This year stunk for reading! Maybe the biggest shortcoming of any of these categories--I started hot and then ran completely out of steam way too early. I've felt like a dumber and more boring person, and it's been a struggle to get momentum back up.

Some of this feeling might be coming from a place of not counting comics and genre work as "real literature," but the point is I used to have more variety!

anyway!

Iliad:

Picked up the Emily Wilson translation, since I liked her take on The Odyssey a lot. I was really into this one at the beginning. I’ve only ever read the Achilles going super saiyan parts for a class before, so it was my first crack at the bulk of the text. I really liked the way that the mass death was approached; even as rando soldiers are being slaughtered, most of them get named, often with some lines about their families at home, and a lot of them even get some words about who they were and the life they’d lived. But then that ended up being almost all that was going on in the thing. Like in between the school class excerpts (things like the night raid, diomedes fightin' gods, achilles going apeshit, etc), the text really is mostly a big slog of duels that all run together after so many of them, and I had a tough time reaching the finish line.

Tehanu:

I'd read & enjoyed the previous three Earthsea books pretty recently, so I didn't revisit those when the Shelved by Genre crew covered them, but I hadn't made it to this one before. I was going back and forth with my opinion on it, but I think they kind of nailed it to the wall on the podcast by referring to it as a "custody thriller." It's a book that's Up To Something, but the Something is claustrophobic in a less artful way than Tombs of Atuan was, and then the return of dragons and destiny stuff at the very end was really strange and undermining. Ended up putting me off of trying to read the short stories.

Manga Digression--Junji Ito:

A Read-Along experience for Shelved by Genre, and a good reference point to have checked off. Uzumaki's easily tops on that list, and I think I didn't care for Gyo much by the end of it.

Manga Digression--Dragon Ball->Dragon Ball Super:

Figured I was already on the manga reading apps, might as well tackle another Big One, especially since Toriyama dying this year had a way bigger impact on me than I would've expected. I was never a Dragon Ball kid growing up, but I'd managed to osmose a lot from the surrounding pop culture.

Turned out I pretty much had the gist of Z-era from memes and having watched some DBZ Abridged back in college, but the early comics were interesting for better & worse. That first arc basically had exactly one joke to hammer on over and over, which ended up just being Sexual Harassment. Might've come across funnier if I were more familiar with the Journey to the West stuff that's having that kind of thing inserted into it. I'm also curious how much of all that made it past the censors for the american localization of the anime. The rest of it all the way through Z was basically the Shonen Bible, which was cool to see how much groundwork centered around this one property. Turns out the secret sauce was "make it less hetero."

My last post on Cohost was about reading through the Super stuff, which I can just repeat here--it's fun enough, but the ballooning scale of the arcs' threats being treated with identical severity each time ended up making me sad in the same way as researching satellites in a civ game.

The Stones Are Hatching:

Very much a coming of age story for kids, but steeped in fucked up terrifying English monsters and folklore. This had been a book I'd grabbed off the library shelf as a kid, and it left a huge impact on me. Was inspired to track it down again after honeymooning in Scotland, and it didn't disappoint on reread. Whole subthemes around WW1 that had gone over my head as a child.

Piranesi

Good recommendation, Jordan! Susanna Clarke at 2/2. I dunno why labyrinths make for such a good thematic space, but I love 'em. Very fun to have made it to this during a year that I'd played Void Stranger.

Speaking of, I saw somewhere that that one stop-motion studio had acquired rights to do an adaptation of this, which sounds interesting, but also the way more natural medium to adapt this kind of story to is 100% video games, and I think that's the first time I've thought that in my life.

A City On Mars

I feel like Zach Weinersmith's become one of the more interesting people to have emerged from that era of webcomic-making, in no small part due to his commitment to doing a lot of reading and research to back himself up, and I'm enjoying this arc of his & Kelly's growing profile as pop science figures. The book's solid, too. Pretty light reading overall, but it seems to be taking off at exactly the right time to throw some much-needed cold water on some of the more annoying public figures out there. It's asking good questions.

Movies!

Didn't keep up very well with (good) new releases, but I did do some catching up on a lot of 90s stuff I hadn't seen when I was younger

Bring It On:

Technically watched this one last year, but forgot to add it to the EOTY post. Really, really surprising movie. It started with a bunch of the usual components that show up in teen movies, and then swerved extremely hard into directions I absolutely was not expecting.

Legally Blonde:

Absolute classic of moviemaking & characterization, I'm extremely happy to have finally watched the thing.

Jumanji Remake:

"Watchable," given low expectations. Less interesting and less funny than the Robin Williams one

Pitch Perfect:

lol they ripped so much off of Bring It On and then made a dumber and more boring movie out of it. Jacob Wysocki from Dropout shows up briefly, which was fun to recognize him.

The Menu:

This was a fun time! Was worried we were going to be in for a cheap "eat the rich, audience claps" kinda thing, but then it kind of just turned into a movie about Ralph Fiennes chewing the scenery, which has never been a bad time. Nicholas Hoult was actually extremely good casting too, which isn't something I always think about him.

D&D Movie:

Most of any buzz I'd heard about this one was along the lines of "better than it had any right to be," which ended up being technically true, but also turned out to indeed be damning it with faint praise. Fundamental problem at the end of the day is Chris Pine's playing the main character, and he's exclusively there to Whedonvoice the entire time.

Stoned Watching:

Shelby and I got a tradition of every six weeks or so taking an edible and watching franchise movies that one or both of us hasn't seen before. The tradition started with the Twilight series, which were extremely fun to do that with, and we've been failing to hit the highs (heh) of those ever since.

Fast & Furious--FFX and Hobbes & Shaw: Had a few of these to get over the finish line from last year. These two in particular were weird ones to catch up on, because for me they really call in to question what the fuck people are talking about with their opinions on certain action stars. Why was everyone spending the last decade going bananas over The Rock? why do people talk about Jason Momoa like he's some kind of underappreciated star in the making? I understand these movies to be part of the basis of all that, and both of those guys are so goddamn annoying in these! What are you people talking about.

Die Hards--123, Live Free, A Good Day: Whole series checked off, each of them in order was worse than the last. First one's obviously a classic--I feel like people don't quite talk enough about how evil and insane McClane is in this, that santa hat dead body thing was a real sicko move. 2 and 3 are perfectly fine '90s action sequels, and then the last two are some of the most nauseating boomer dad pandering I have ever seen in my life.

Speed and Speed 2: Speed 2 is entertainingly terrible, in large part because they couldn't get Keanu Reeves back and instead cast a plank of wood as a new stand-in character. Dafoe scenery chewing always appreciated. Speed 1 though is an incredible idea for a movie, and extremely well executed

Twisters:

Mission accomplished: this was an extremely dumb movie that was very fun to go watch in the theater with friends.

Pride & Prejudice(s):

Shelby was telling me about how people have big disagreements on the 90s miniseries vs the '05 movie, and I was like "oh the only thing I know about either is that a guy from Succession's in the movie version and Succession watchers think that's extremely funny" which led to us watching both of these during Christmas time.

I think I mostly liked the miniseries more, but I did prefer MacFayden's take on the character. Some of that's down to directing, though, because they gave movie Darcy more stuff to do when he's in a scene but not talking yet. Like it makes sense for him to be curt with people when they're interrupting him writing a letter etc, whereas Firth's only ever staring out windows or into fireplaces--not exactly preoccupied with anything important. I dunno if I'm likely to read the book at any point, but I'm definitely on board with P&P being a story well worth checking out if you want to see a foundational work for so much romcom and sitcom writing.

Little Women:

Similar background--I knew people had OPINIONS on the Greta Gerwig version, but never read it and never watched an adaptation and we're officially on a period piece kick now. Only got through the 90s version before the year closed out. It's fun companion to P&P, like here's 50 years into the future, in America, in an Actual lower-class family, now let's compare & contrast & ignore some age differences.

Podcasts!

Mad Men Project

It's nice to have the picnic boys releasing stuff again! They've done media lightning round & one-off type stuff before that I've mostly been lukewarm on, but a several-episode deep dive is very solid ground for them. Super excited for future seasons.

Shelved by Genre

I'm a fan of the hosts, and it's made for a really good reading list. Fell off a bit after the Junji Ito unit, will have to check in on what they have coming up next.

FatT: Palisade

They finished the season on a real hot streak and I'm excited for them to start releasing stuff again next year

Games!

Void Stranger (mop-up)

The previous thing I'd gotten stalled on turned out to have a really easy solution, so I managed to work my way through some other secrets and unlocks. Reached a point though where it unlocks a mode that's a completely different video game, at which point I looked up youtube gameplay and decided "ohhhh no, I will not be running this many bullet hell drills to get the hang of this." Extremely good game! Labyrinths are a solid theme to build a game around.

KOTOR II Content Restored

Got a bee in my bonnet after playing BG3, and figured it'd be a good time to check out how the Content Restored mod played. Ultimately, the mod was mediocre; it fleshed out some cutscenes pretty well, but there still wasn't enough to make the final section Work, and the whole droid factory was a complete dud. I was vindicated on how inexcusably terrible BG3's party & inventory management systems are, though! Shit was basically a solved problem 20 years ago, it's like Larian decided to make things bad on purpose.

The other really interesting thing to fall out of the revisit was rereading all the Kreia stuff, armed with some inside baseball context about the game's writing. The guy who wrote Kreia also wrote Durance from Pillars of Eternity, and Durance's whole deal in hindsight is so clearly Chris Avelone taking a second crack at situating Kreia Ideology in a game world, but stated more plainly. The problem of course being that this ideology basically boils down to "Struggle is virtuous; generosity is handouts and therefore bad." Code the character spouting that as grey smoke instead of red, though, and people will read some serious depth into that starwars character!

Octopath Traveler II

I was in the mood for a jrpg, but ended up not being a big fan of this one. The tone of the thing was all over the place; it's written at a very juvenile level, but then one of the main storylines is about stuff like child brainwashing and human trafficking incestuous bloodline-purity sex murder cults

Balatro

I think I got past the addiction faster than a lot of people, but definitely put in my share of time on it. I might need to dip my head back in there now that there's been a couple gameplay patches.

Hades II Early Access

I'm enjoying myself with it so far. Compared to the first one, the game's rhythm is less twitchy reflex, and more zoning and positioning, which I'm into.

Caves of Qud

I'm having fun, but I might not have the exact right kind of personality to have this one dominate my life in the way that it apparently does for some people.

Magic: The Gathering

This one's been the real all-star this year. Some friends got me a commander precon for my birthday & set up a game night that week, and I've been fully In It the whole year. In addition to being a good attention outlet for staying off of social media feeds, it's just been good socially! Has me out of the house seeing friends more often than I've been able to do since COVID first hit.

Been exclusively playing commander, but maybe one day will branch out into draft or something

Music!

Cleared 1,024 on the 1,001 album generator (which has a total length of 1,089 because it includes entries from every published edition of the book). It's been educational! It's maybe not been worth the time investment, but my opinions on its pitfalls are way better informed now than they would have been 3 years ago before I started the project.

Next year I'll have a couple new music tasks once this wraps up. First, I need to start actually listening to and engaging more with the amount of stuff that gets posted on the Picnic Discord music channel. But then Second is that the generator has NG+ where people who have completed the 1,089 can submit an album, and then have a daily album generated from the user-submitted list. In other words, it'll be a fun look at the kind of stuff that's foundational or interesting to the kind of person that would commit to this thing for 3 years. I dunno if admin keeps a full available list anywhere, but I know there's some Big touchpoints I haven't listened to on there, like Weezer or Sophie.

Highlights:

Run-D.M.C. Raising Hell:

Hard to not be charmed by this era.

Pink Floyd The Wall and Wish You Were Here:

Growing up, my parents for some reason had a lot of albums from The Alan Parsons Project hanging around, Alan Parsons maybe being a recognizable name as the guy who did the audio production on some big deal albums, like Abbey Road and Dark Side Of The Moon. His music project is a weird blend of cool audio layering playground, art rock, and some of the most exhausting 80s soft pop you've heard in your life.

This year was the year I learned that Pink Floyd is absolutely the outlet for getting more of the parts of APP that I liked. Tremendous band.

David Bowie Hunky Dory and Ziggy Stardust:

Absolutely buckwild that the first Bowie album I got from this project was Low, with Ziggy Stardust being the last. That is like exactly the opposite order that someone trying to learn about Bowie should do it. There's a handful of artists on the list that have way too many albums included; Bowie's one of the few that actually kind of needs most of them on there.

Fela Kuti Zombie and Femi Kuti Femi Kuti:

Kuti Family undefeated. Afrobeat really does it for me, and Fela in particular was hugely influential on the parts of new wave that I like a lot.

Frank Zappa Hot Rats:

Hell yeah Zappa

Portishead Third:

More abrasive than Dummy, but makes for a really fun midway point between trip hop and something along the lines of HEALTH

Curtis Mayfield Superfly:

Underrated stand battle. Definitely one of those albums where you listen to it, you get familiar with it, then you start hearing everywhere how much people sampled it later on.

Pixies Surfer Rosa:

I owe Doolittle a relisten, since it was the literal first album that the project served me, but for now I actually think I prefer Surfer Rosa. Like one of them is the Pixies doing Pixies stuff, and the other is the literal soil for what would turn into the next 20 years or so of Good rock projects

The Mars Volta Deloused in the Comatorium:

Tremendous work, holding down the prog rock fort during a trying era.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs It's Blitz!:

Man these guys are like the ideal example of a 4.5/5 on the thing's ratings. Had a lot of fun with the album and I absolutely love when they come up on the highlights playlist, but they're just missing a little bit of juice that I can't quite ID.

U2 War:

I knew I wasn't just imagining that they had a genuinely great album in their discography.

Adele 21:

"Rolling in the Deep" is well worth cost of admission, but the rest of the thing really really held up for me.

Neu! NEU! 75:

It's the shame of british music critics that this genre's only really known in the anglosphere as krautrock, but goddamn it I really like krautrock.

Funkadelic Maggot Brain:

Opening track's an all-timer. I felt like it was kind of losing me in the middle, but then "Wars Of Armageddon" brought me back with the synthesizer fart noises. Long Live George Clinton.

Onto next year!

[pixelatedquarter]

the Rammys of Hum, Dark Alley, AND 27 though

Don't even. The rammys of them playing all these songs.

Just the rammys of 27 feeling like a damn safety blanket are enough to send me, that it's become a song we're used to. A song from Folie about such a personal matter as feeling destined to die at 27. Because that's what you do when you're a doomed musician. (or actually otherwise, it is one of those milestone ages but i don't want to go over an analysis of why, it's way more complicated than just "glamorized by rock stars"). Doing lines of dust and sweat off last night stage just to feel like you is in some way where we're all at by replaying the videos and analyzing all these rammys and resharing all these things, but it's such a gentler version too, much as I'm enjoying the feeling of still being actively witnessing new tourdust angles and revisiting the highlights i remember.

But the actual rammys of that while humming the golden blues in a dark alley. That's why they play disloyal order bc somebody should restrain that man (patrick, needs to be restrained. not by the cops but by someone).

I don't want to go too in depth bc at this point we've mentioned and explored so much and more elegantly and specially tactfully than i'm finding the words now how they're playing songs that have been left in the vaults for being too raw, songs that are overtly about Pete's suicide attempt some being played by them all, others entrusted to patrick (bc i dont think dark alley was a unilateral patrick decision at least first time around). That they're having fun playing hum hallelujah, it isn't this loaded special episode thing but rather a song they enjoy and have (had? who knows what the next leg holds!!!) on rotation for their permanent setlist. ig that's also on me for yesterday pointing out that "oh yea at least it was doldrums and not hum before i've got a dark alley because can you IMAGINE"? (i should know better by now than to tempt pete wentz's imagination but in my defense it's usually patrick who says 'fuck you pixel i will do you one worse')

And yeah I added also jet pack blues and golden. The reading of jet pack blues's She as being Death kills me every time, soon as you put it anywhere near, let alone immediately before a song discussing reaching the breaking point that we know was that personal and directly ties to suicide ...i'm a basic guy, i go full emily dickinson ("because i could not stop for death he kindly stopped for me. the carriage held but just ourselves and immortality. we slowly drove he knew no haste, and i had put away my labour and my leisure too for his civility"). And the everything of Golden. How it ties to the feelings in pre-hiatus of superficially being golden plated but if you go a bit deeper being the monster people hope stays the fuck away and that their children don't become, versus their reality now being so far from that.

[tumbleaboutit]

This calls for a read more.

I'm currently part of a LARP, though admittedly it's more "tabletop with costumes" due to space limitations.

…oh gosh, it was fifteen fuckin' years ago now. I had just graduated and was hanging with some friends I'd met through online gaming, and they asked if I was interested in trying out tabletop. I'd been eyeballing a book that said "werewolf" on it because I thought werewolves were cool, and the rest is history.

Mash-up: We're using "Ghost Council" and "Gale Stalkers" because those are more appropriate names, but we still have the Get of Fenris and Crinos-born Garou because throwing those out with the bathwater was short-sighted. Also we made "redeemed" versions of the Mockery Breeds; they are absolutely playable and I've got write-ups for anyone who wants them. Oh, and were-elephants. We made a whole damn splat book for were-elephants as a birthday present for someone who really likes elephants. They are also completely playable.

I don't really have a favorite. So far, I've played a Child of Gaia, a Silent Strider, a Bone Gnawer, a Shadow Lord, and am currently playing a Silver Fang. I've enjoyed all of them for different reasons, and I'm looking forward to getting to the others.

I don't have a least favorite, but someone saying that the Get of Fenris is their favorite tribe usually makes me wary of them until they elaborate as to why. You gotta find the Get players who want to fight the bad Get players.

I tend to create characters collaboratively with another person, so I don't currently have any concepts in the pipe. But I do want to get around to playing all of the auspices (only Galliard left!) and all of the Tribes.

"Divide" is currently at the top of my list due to my Shadow Lord having used it as the (absolutely brutal) capstone of her Revenge Quest. If you're gonna fuck with a Shadow Lord, maybe don't pick the Lost Cub who weighed all her options and became a Shadow Lord on purpose.

Rite of Contrition, because it's always fun to see what item a character brings as an apology present, what that item says about them, and how the character they're apologizing to reacts.

Much like I don't have a favorite Tribe, I don't have a favorite Patron spirit either.

Bloody Bandages, due to the absolutely hilarious "leech dance" chiminage that my friend came up with: basically hopping around, legs together and arms flat at your sides, and then leaning toward people and making a slurping noise. You must perform it with a large group of people nearby so that you have many opportunities to slurp.

Most of the Frenzies I've had or seen have gone fairly well due to the presence of other Garou dog-piling the Frenzying one before they can do too much damage. But a Fostern Philodox player character did get killed by a Ahroun Cub in a Frenzy one time because they were alone together.

I'm pretty much just in it for the games!

Shadow Lord endears herself to Gale Stalker against his will and his better judgment. He is grumpy about it even after he dies.

Six official characters across games, plus various temps and NPCs as needed. Special shout-outs to NPCs "grumpy-ass gila monster Mokolé who beat up biker and stole his jacket", and the two Get of Fenris high school jocks who formed a pack under Goat as a Norse myth in-joke.

My first character was Emily Chews-on-Silver, a Child of Gaia Philodox, who grew up in the circus and shared her First Change with the lion Bastet that she performed with after they were attacked by Black Spirals. She was extremely shy and retiring outside of the ring, and the pack they were in kept getting swept up in these Grand Adventures that meant that the spirits kept promoting her in rank without her actually understanding much about what being a Philodox meant.

All of my characters eventually end up being growth characters in one way or another. But I get a lot of joy out of Stacia, my Mean Girl Shadow Lord Ragabash, because I have successfully made other people like her as much as I do.

Stacia I've played long enough to officially get her to her early twenties, so she's technically the oldest. Genie is the youngest, both because she's my newest character and also because she's lupus-born and hasn't even hit double-digits yet. They'd get along okay as long as they don't have to work too closely together; and they'd bond over their mutual addiction to Starbucks (caffeine and sugar for Stacia, Pup Cups for Genie).

Emily taught me that playing the "Shy" flaw when you already have IRL social anxiety isn't that much fun. I'm sure we share unofficial flaws/traits, but it's hard to put my finger on them from the inside.

Alice-in-the-Mirrors, whose Slip Sideways flaw was so bad that it would yeet her into the Deep Umbra, was meant to be an easy character that I could play whenever I managed to make the four-hour trip to game from graduate school. Ha. Hahahahaha. She turned into a personal growth character pretty fast.

Oh…no thank you. I don't want to be in the World of Darkness, and I have a very different skillset than any of my characters. If I absolutely had to, probably Alice.

Stacia, definitely. She'd be able to maintain my life instead of absolutely blowing it up.

Doc (short for "Document") didn't get much play and the game she was in didn't last very long. She's being recycled for parts and lives on in Genie (generally even-tempered Lupus born and raised in a wolf sanctuary).

I like to build characters collaboratively with a friend or two, WtA is great for that because you need a solid reason to not have a pack at least in the works.

Wyrm; the idea of "everything stays the same forever" is a fuckin' nightmare.

Luna; you don't get into werewolves without having a lot of feelings about the moon.

Older Brother; I'm an information professional IRL!

Shadow Lords, if only for the True Breed requirements of the Silver Fangs.

Wisdom keeps you alive long enough to get the other two.

Changing Breeds; I'm completely happy to keep playing werewolves and let other people have fun with the Fera. (Though I do have a concept for a redeemed Cockroach shifter…)

Hispo. I wanna be a wolf the size of a pony!

I'm skipping the bonus questions because I know a lot of people it would be fun to play with. As long as I have a good group, I know I'm going to have a good time.

WTA ASKS: ABOUT THE PLAYER EDITION

Inspired by (and drawing heavily from, with permission) @diableriedoll's vtm player asks!!! Werewolf divider by @strangergraphics :)

We all know everyone's characters, but what do we know about the player behind the Garou? Let's find out!

1.Are you a WtA player, storyteller, both or neither? If neither, how do you get your WtA fix? 2. How and when did you get into WtA? 3. Which edition do you play/ prefer? 4. What's your favorite tribe? Why? 5. What's your least favorite tribe? Why? 6. Which tribe/auspice haven't you played/ developed but would love to try? 7. What is your favorite Gift? Why? 8. What is your favorite Rite? Why? 9. What's your favorite patron spirit? Why? 10. What's your favorite Talisman or Talen? Why? 11. Describe your worst Brutal Result and/ or Frenzy that you've played/ seen/ suffered 12. What's your favorite piece of WtA Media? eg. Games, books- pick your fancy! 13. What's been your favorite interaction throughout your WtA experiences? Can be in game, playing video games.. anything.

You and Your Characters

14. How many characters do you have? 15. Who was your first Character? 16. Do you have a comfort character? What makes them special to you? 17. Who is the (in character) oldest and the (in character) youngest? Would they like each other? 18. Do any of your characters have a trait or flaw of your own? If so, what is it? 19. Do you have a character that was created from a dumb/ silly idea but now you can't imagine not having them? 20. You suddenly switch places with one of your characters, which one would you prefer to be? 21. One of your characters takes your place, which one would you prefer to control of your life? 22. Which character is least spoken about? Speak about them now! 23. Is there something specific that influences you for your character creations?

This or That

24. Weaver or Wyrm? 25. Luna or Helios? 26. Older Brother or Younger Brother? Middle Brother? 27. Silver Fang or Shadow Lords?  28. Glory, Honor, or Wisdom?  29. Changing Breeds or Mockery Breeds?  30. Hispo or Glabro?

BONUS QUESTIONS! You have been given a chance to play your perfect Chronicle, let's build it!  31. Who is your Storyteller? 32. Where and when is it set? 33. What is your Auspice? 34. What tribe do you join? 35. Your pack is yourself plus four other players. Who are they? (Can be anyone!). Anyone else you'd want to add to your sept?

[violetandstarlightgirl]

My Favorite Songs I Discovered in 2023

New year, new list! 🎆🎇

Same disclaimer as every previous list; this is not limited to any songs made this year (though the majority of the songs on this year's list were brand new!) and nothing is listed in any particular order.

Also as an additional disclaimer for any Chainsaw Man fans out there, the first entry on this list is from the anime's soundtrack and mentions spoilers from the last episode of season one.

Previous Lists: 2017, 2018, 2019, 2022

the end of childhood- Kensuke Ushio (Chainsaw Man Original Soundtrack EP Vol 3, 2022)

At the start of this year, my husband and I watched the first season of Chainsaw Man together. We both absolutely loved it! We laughed, we cried, and we're excited for the continuation of the misadventures of Denji and company.

It was a tie between this song and Sweet Dreams for this year's list, but something about this song resonated a bit more with me. The melancholic tone combined with the scene in which we hear the track; an overview of the conclusion of a day's work with Denji and Aki taking their anger out on Katana Man, with the song fading as Aki asks Himeno if she can hear the requiem for her.

It's like the feeling of knowing you have a lot more to do, but you accomplished what you've set out to do so far. My Monster of the Week group even approved of this song being the "theme" for the conclusion of a particularly tense session, where we reunited a character with their father who needed medical attention.

One Foot In Front Of The Other- Emilie Autumn (Fight Like a Girl, 2012)

I haven't heard very much of Emile Autumn or heard about a lot of her work before this year, but I'm glad I've found her work and I enjoy a lot of the themes of feminine rage (especially in I Want My Innocence Back). She has a lovely voice, too!

I picked this song in particular because of the message perseverance against overwhelming odds. The voice of the song has experienced a lot of tragedy and continues to struggle (with, to me, implications of human trafficking), but they continue to fight day by day, and will not let their voice be silenced. I feel it's a message we should hold on to, especially with many of the problems that have unfolded within the last year.

Everlong/What You Won't Do For Love- Elise Trouw (2018)

An artist my dad introduced me to this year. She's made many of her own original pieces, but there is something very magical about her live loop cover videos. I picked this one since it was the one my dad showed me.

I like that it's a combination of the instrumentals from Foo Fighter's Evelong (even with the first verse eventually quietly featured) and the lyrics of Bobby Caldwell's What You Won't Do For Love. Elise's voice and choice of instruments make it a lovely combination, too. It's a perfect song to chill out to while you're doing some work.

Denial of Endings- Hammock (Love in the Void, 2023)

I loved all of the songs from Hammock's newest album this year, but there is something almost nostalgic with this particular song, and it might have to do with the strongest memory I have associated with it.

I went to a wedding in February and listened to this album on the way to and from the venue. It was a lovely event and I'm glad I got to be there and spend time with friends and celebrate the union of two wonderful people. Listening to this particular song and thinking about the wedding made me realize this was something I was going to remember for a long time.

Die For A Night- ARIZONA (ARIZONA, 2023)

I've been a big fan of Arizona since they released their first singles. It's been really cool to watch them gain popularity, especially since I've seen one of the band members (Nathan) in YouTube comedy skits when I was in middle school.

This song feels like the perfect dance floor song. It's got a great beat to dance to, and the theme of the lyrics is fun too. "I think your kiss might be the death of me, well maybe that'll be alright, I always wanted to die for a night" Like you're risking it for a moment you won't regret doing, even if it's a daunting thing.

Rymden3000- Carbon Based Lifeforms, Not Lars, Ester Nannmark (Seeker, 2023)

I was very excited that CBL released a new album this year, with this particular song being the first I heard thanks to it being released as a single shortly before the release of the entire album.

I love the overall theme and feel of space exploration in this album, which I feel this song captures beautifully, especially with Ester Nannmark's ethereal vocals. It encapsulates the idea of there being so much to explore and the grand mystery of what's left to be found beyond what we currently understand.

Ivory Tower- Scattle (Access Denial, 2023)

This is the first time I've heard Scattle's work, and it was recommended to me this year with the newest album that came out in the summer. I enjoy the entire album but I especially love the vibe from this song.

Each of the songs in the album has a strong darkwave feel, but I feel it's most prevalent in Ivory Tower. It's like you're exploring the titular tower as the song plays, discovering what curios and dangers lurk within and keeping a cautious wonder with you along the way.

Souvenir- Bump of Chicken (Souvenir, 2022)

This was the year that I was able to finally convince my husband to watch SpyXFamily with me! We still need to finish the first season, but we have both been enjoying it since he is a big fan of the spy and espionage elements and I just love the shenanigans the Forger family gets into.

This is the song from season one's second OP, and it's my favorite! I even use it as one of my wake up alarm sounds. I really like the feel-good vibe from the music and the lyrics; the whole thing feels nostalgic especially in combination with the visuals from the opening credits where we see the Forger family enjoying time together.

[neurodivenport]

okayy i've been replaying stardew valley for the 400th time & i'm thinking about the rats (+mm) playing it so here's some headcanons

chase would for sure have a preference for mining & crafting things, needing to finish the museum asap and spending most of his time in the mines. i think he'd romance maru. as soon as he sees the cutscene where she builds her own robot he is 100% convinced (or i could see him going for sam or sebastian)

bree would have a preference for decorating her farm, spending hours just creating the layout and figuring out where she wants things to be. i think she'd either romance alex or emily. alex is the typical dream boy she's always had, but i think she'd love emily's craftiness

adam just doesn't know what to do honestly. he swings his weapons at whatever comes at him and is always trying to plant crops in the wrong seasons. he has fun tho. if he figures out the relationship mechanic i think he'd go for alex or haley

leo would enjoy fighting the most, also spending most of his time in the mines (in co-op worlds him and chase probably stay down there, chase mining while leo fights monsters off). i think he'd also like maru

kaz would like the fighting mechanic the best too. he'd be hardcore just trying to get all of the weapons and finishing off the tasks in the adventurer's guild. i think he'd also enjoy the animal caretaking part too. i think he'd download a bunch of cheat mods (because fishing and managing finances is "sooo much woooork"). he'd probably romance haley or abigail (...or harvey, but he'd never admit that it's just because he reminds him of chase)

oliver would just enjoy tagging a long with other people- but he also has a preference for crafting. he also spends a lot of his time trying to tick off things in his recipe book, a man on a mission to make every food object in the game. he'd probably go for abigail (he sees a girl with a weapon and he's in)

skylar wouldn't understand the game. ("why, as a human, are you playing a game that simulates being a human? can't you just go out and do this yourself?") but with enough pressing she'd play. she'd enjoy fighting too, her and leo kicking ass together in the mines. she doesn't care for romancing anyone tbh but i can see her eventually going for leah

lmk if anyone else has any thoughts 👀

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

❛ I NEED YOU MORE ❜

with Nestor Oceteva, and teen!reader as his daughter.

Request: Hello! A Imagine about Nestor's daughter? A teen girl who hate Miguel,maybe cause she ils scared by him ? And that's cause some problem between Nestor and his daughter. And she thinks he gonna kick her ass out of the home like with her mom or in intership (not sure of the english word... I mean school where u sleep here during week) . Maybe with Mayans apparition ? 🙈 Ending fluff ? ❤❤🙏

BY ANON

Word count: about 4.1k and I'm not even sorry.

Warnings: angst af, minors consuming alcohol and stealing a car, slightslightslight mention of violence (this sounds too bad just to warn you of a slap) and I don't know what more. Actually, I don't even know if these are warnings, or need to be warned. I'm a clown.

Aurora says: this writing hasn't been edited, you may find some grammar mistakes, I'm sorry about that!

Gif credits: @angels-reyes

Masterlist.

“Dad, you promised me”. 

Nestor sighs closing his eyes for a second, before turning around to face you, wearing the holsters over the black shirt. He doesn't know what to say, seeing the letdown gesture on your face.

“Dad…”

“I know what I said, (Y/N)”. He just says, checking the guns and the loaders before keeping them on both sides of his body. “But Mikey needs me”.

“I need you too”. You reply cross-armed with a broken thread of voice.

Turning on your feet, you leave the room being followed by the mexican, who is trying to find the most adequate words to say. But he knows that you are right, closing the door onto his nose. Falling down on your bed, you can't help but finally break in crying. Your father can hear you and that really breaks his heart, but he has to leave much to his regret. Miguel said some days ago that he would be free this weekend and you were ready to travel to Los Angeles tomorrow morning. As always, that wasn't something to happen. It's the third time you've delayed the trip, being alone for the rest of the week, because surprisingly Nestor has to work. And you understand his job and what he does, but sometimes Miguel looks like he's jealous. Of you, of your relationship, of whatever. Maybe he is his best friend, his brother, but his boss first. So your father has to obey his orders.

When you're sure he's gone, you step out of your dorm, going downstairs and cleaning the tears on your shirt. Maybe you're on time to call some friend and have a beer in that bar that doesn't care about your age because ‘you are Nestor Oceteva's daughter’. It should be the other way around, but who are you to question those kinds of decisions. Typing by heart your best friend's number, you place the phone on your ear, opening the fridge to find something to eat.

“Hey, babygirl”.

“Hey, corazón. Where are you?”

“Home, watching a documentary”.

“What 'bout?” You ask, grabbing yesterday's thai leftlover, before closing the fridge.

“Charles Manson. That… fucking guy was fucking crazy”.

“Yeah, I've seen something about him”.

Taking a fork from the main drawer, you jump over the counter to sit on, putting the speaker on your phone to leave it by a side of your legs.

“So, what's up? Are you exc—”.

“My father canceled it again”. You interrupt her, eating a bunch of noodles. “Do you… want to hang… out? I think he left the car here”.

“Are you gonna drive your father's car? Without license?”

“Do you want to hang out or not?”.

“Yeah, yeah. Give me… dunno, twenty minutes?”

“Thirty, I'm having somekind of dinner”. You reply, looking at the box between your hands with an incredulous gesture.

“Okay, amor, see you here”.

Hanging up the call, you hurried up to finish the box and get ready for a girls night. It's not the first time that you do it and of course it's not going to be the last. But even if you try to convince yourself that you're not trying to call Nestor's attention, you know you are doing it. And you know it at the exact moment you find the keys of the black SUV. Miguel's car. The one he drives when he has to work. Probably, one of the other security men picked him up. You don't care. You're going to take this car, and not the personal one. Having one last look on the mirror, turning over the sneakers and putting well on the black skirt and the transparent crop top, you leave the house straight to the garage. Clicking the control remote to lift up the door, you lead your steps towards the big Range Rover.

Once that the engine is on, you speed up to see your house getting smaller through the rear-view, enjoying how easy it's to drive an automatic car without caring about the gears. And of course, Lara starts to freak out when you appear in her neighborhood with such a monster of four wheels.

“Girl, are you kidding me?” She screams as soon as she sits by your side. “Shit… Nestor is gonna kill you…”

“Nope, if he doesn't find out. We're just gonna have some beers, what can go wrong, ah?” 

“This car is… fucking amazing”. 

“He put me puppy eyes to drive him”. You joke with her, before continuing to your destiny.

Of course, it's not your fault. And if it is, you hush it by turning up the volume of the music, before you get out of control driving out of Santo Padre. Reaching the pub some minutes later, you're ready to enjoy the night. Shots of tequila sliding over the wet wooden bar, cheering with your friend and drinking them in one gulp, mixing it with the toasted beers. One after another. Your body dances following the rhythm of the rock music playing on, singing the lyrics as if you were in a concert and having some fun with your best friend. Lara and you have known each other forever, and sixteen years together have given for many situations. Some better than others, but always by your side whenever you have needed her, mostly when you have needed your father. You could give your life for her, and she could give her life for you.

But that good time ends up when your phone rings in your hand, showing the name of your father on it. Rolling your eyes, you decline the call, placing an arm on Lara's shoulders.

“What if we ha—have a bottle of tequila and we le—leave? I know a place…” Making the same gesture that the chefs proffer in some kind of kiss when a dish is really delicious, she nods energetically, ignoring the new incoming call.

At least this time, you have some care driving the heavy SUV, taking your time because of your blurred gaze. It's not the first time you drive drunk, but this car is different from your father's and he needs it to work. And maybe you're starting to think that it wasn't a good idea, but by the other hand, he earned it. It's supposed that you should be sleeping and resting for your father and daughter's travel, but he preferred to cancel it to spend some more time with Miguel. That's why he didn't take the Range Rover. Probably his best friend had another discussion with his wife. The crazy bitch who appeared from nowhere and tried to be your friend just because you were Nestor's family. You're not sure who you hate the most, if Miguel, or if Emily.

And you are so absorbed thinking about it that you don't see the stop signal, passing it away and colliding with another car. A cops one. Raising your head from the airbag, as Lara does cursing and complaining in spanish, you find out how fucked you are right now. Luckily, you just hit a side of the trunk, but when you see them stepping out of the patrol holding his guns and pointing at the SUV, you know that you're going to be much more fucked when they call your father.

“Get out of the car and put the hands on your heads!”

Of course, you two obey while one of the cops asks for another patrol and some help by the walkie. As soon as they recognize you, they put the guns down with a heavy snort. If you hadn't rammed them, they would let you go. But they need to explain why their car is a little destroyed. 

“Are you hurt?” Dylan looks at both, after giving the advertisement. Lara nods head in silence, so you do.

“Turn around, (Y/N), I have to arrest you”. Frankie says grabbing the handcuffs from his belt after keeping his weapon.

“Please, don't arrest her too, it was my fault”. You beg them, raising both wrists towards him. “Please… It was my fault”.

“Can you hire an uber?” The oldest turns at your friend, who nods again. “Do it”.

“(Y/N), I'm stayi—”.

“No, Lara! You're leaving. I will call you tomorrow, I promise”.

If you were drunk at some point of the night, you're not anymore sitting in the interrogation room, wearing a jacket that Frankie gave you of the police division and a cup of hot coffee between your hands, supported over the table. You're not sure how many time have passed since you came, but when a uniformed man opens the door you know by the gesture on his face that it's time to go home. From the other end of the police station, you can hear your father shouting like never before. Full of rage and really furious. Miguel doesn't look much happy when you reach them, assuming that he paid for the penalty fee of driving without license and drunk, for the patrol and the bond to let you go. You heavy gulp bowing the head to your feet, licking your lips about to cry. No, you're not trying to pity them, you're shaking because you have never been more scared in your entire life.

“What the fuck were you thinking, ah?” Your father leans forward facing you, with an angry whisper.

“Hermano, aquí no”. (Brother, not here). Miguel mutters, placing a hand on his forearm, hoping that he calms down. But he doesn't.

“I'm talking to my daughter”. He turns for a second, before giving you back all his attention. “Mírame, chamaca”. (Look at me, girl).

“Dad, I'm s—”.

“Don't you fucking dare to say that you're sorry, 'cause we both know you're not”. He urges you to look at him, grabbing your chin with more strength that you can deal with, pointing you with a ringed forefinger. “You took my fucking car. You drove drunk. And you ran over a fucking cops car. Are you fucking stupid?”

“Nestor…” Miguel calls him again, but he doesn't reply to his brother back.

“Do you thought just for a fucking second how I felt when they called me, to tell me that my daughter had a fucking car accident and that she tripled the allowed alcohol rate?”.

“That's all you cared about?” You speak then, slapping his hand away from your face, shrugging your shoulders. “The car? The shame of… being living this situation?”

“Ah, ah. I'm not falling into your fucking game of emotional blackmail, chamaca. Not this fucking time”.

“This wouldn't have happened, if you had been at home. Sleeping. Getting ready for our trip. But… your work is always more important than spending some time with me!”

“That's not t—”.

“Oh, for god's sake! Just for once, Miguel, can you please shut the fuck up? If you paid for me, good! Thank you! I'll give it to you back, but don't fucking call me liar!”

“Watch your fucking mouth!” Your father yells at you, grabbing your left forearm and shaking it with a strong pull. “You're gonna be grounded until you're eighteen, ¿me oíste?”

“Jeez… Of course... I gave you the perfect excuse to keep hanging with your ‘best friend’ forgetting that you have a daughter… You're the worst fath—”.

You can't finish the sentence, when the back of his hand crosses your face to the other side, feeling a slight stinging stab running through your lower lip, before tasting the metallic flavor of blood. 

“Brother, don't”. Too late to stop him, Miguel. “Don't do that again”.

You're shocked with your gaze on the floor and a hand on your cheek, trying to figure out what just happened frowning slowly. 

“I hate you…” You say in a low thread of voice, with some tears falling down from your eyes.

Three words that you didn't think you could say, but here they are, pressing the sleeve cuff against your lip to contain the red liquid starting to walk right to the exit with the clear intention of getting away from him.

“No, no, no, hermano. Déjala”. (Brother, leave her). Miguel stops him again, grabbing his arm again when you begin to run, pushing the street door to go downstairs. 

Your cry gets somewhat louder, standing in front of your father's mate for a second and looking at they're disappointed gesture, before continuing your steps to the right side of the street not knowing where you want to go. You just need to walk, even if it's cold outside and the jacket it's not enough to keep you warm. Turning the corner you hear the cars engines coming closer, but although you think they're going to stop to pick you up, they don't. Nestor is driving the first one and he doesn't look at you passing you away. The pain increases, oppressing your chest and concentrating in your throat. Now you're starting to regret what you did, but it wasn't a reason to treat you like he did, hitting you. Slapping you in front of everybody. And it's worse the fact that he hit you for the first time, than the fact of who was looking at you. 

The next time you raise up your eyes from your shoes, you find yourself in Marcus neighborhood, guessing that your brain was working for you this time. Knowing that it's your only option. Knowing that he's not going to judge you, but try to understand you and give you the best advice. Ringing the doorbell when you reach his house, you stand on the porch with both arms crossed around your chest, rubbing one leg against the other trying to find some warmth on every move until he welcomes you.

“Te andaba esperando, mija”. (I was waiting for you, girl). He says with a soft smile on his lips, opening his arms to hug you tight. “Come in, you're freezing”.

In silence, you practically obey crossing the door to the inside, taking off the cops jacket to hang it on the coat rack. It's not the first time you go to him looking for some appropriate words for the occasion, and he never complains. You know him since six years ago, and he has always been so gentle and helpful.

“Why don't you have a shower while I prepare you a sandwich? Are you hungry?” He asks, placing an arm over your shoulders.

With a fleeting smile on your lips, you nod. 

“Okay, hurry up”.

Following the hallway to the guest room, you close the door to open the wardrobe, finding there your bag with some comfy clothes from the last time you had to stay there. The shower doesn't take you too much, feeling better after getting warm and clean, fixing up your lip as soon as it stops bleeding. You meet the one that is like your t��o on the main table of the living room, with a sandwich, a napkin and a glass of milk. Sitting on, the man rests his arms over the wood, looking at you devouring your food.

“Nestor told me what happened”.

“Did he tell you about the trip?”

“Not tonight, but the whole week. All the time, mija”.

Shaking your hands above the dish to clean them from the bread, you raise an eyebrow towards him.

“He was very excited to go with you to Los Angeles”. He explains, as if it was necessary. “He told us everything that he wanted to show you. Hollywood, the Griffith's observatory, Santa Mónica…”

“It's the third time he leaves me on the road like a pinche perro, tío”.

“Yes, I know. And I know that he was disappointed with himself for not being able to take you to. Have you thought about that?”

You keep silent, bowing your eyes to the nibbled sandwich. No, you didn't. You were too busy being egoist, not asking how he felt about it.

“We have a… different job from other men. It's risky, complicated and we never know if we're going to come back home. But the time that we spend with our families, it's the most precious time for us. I talk with my daughter every single day by video call. And I take advantage of the minimal time to drive to Oaktown, to see her. To have lunch, a coffee… Whatever”. He says, holding your hands over the table to intertwining his fingers with yours. “For you is easier. You live together. And I'm not asking you to normalize how much he works, but to understand that everything he does, he does it for you, mija. To give you the life he couldn't have”.

“I just want to be… some time with him, tío Marcus. This is not… because of the trip, I swear. But, I can be for days without seeing him at home. And… And… everything I can think of, it's that something wrong happened to him”. You're crying again, trying to express your feelings and your emotions, while the mexican listens to you attentively. “I know I didn't have to take his car, nor another. I didn't have to drink, or escape from home. I was just… feeling alone, and sad, and…”

“Alcohol it's not the solution, mija”.

“I know…”

“And Miguel isn't your enemy”.

Yes, you know that too, but acknowledge it out loud it's not an option. You feel stupid enough for tonight.

“You should talk with Nestor, tell him how you feel and, of course, tell him that you are sorry. I'm sure you didn't, did you?”

“I don't think he wants to… hear me, or see me right now, tío”.

“(Y/N), never forget that you are his daughter. The most beautiful gift that God gave him. Nothing, and no one could change that. Never”.

With this hangover, the last thing you want to do is front facing what you did last night. But Marcus thought that you shouldn't waste more time. Stepping out of the SUV, when it stops in front of Miguel's house, you take a deep long breath with your heart racing. Your hands are sweating and your legs are trembling, walking towards the main door being slightly pushed by your tío. Coming in, you follow your father's voice, sounding tired and upset, talking with his boss about a trip to Washington. Washington D.C., where your mother lives.

“I think it's the best option, brother. It will suit her”. 

Through the opened door, you can see them giving you their backs. Miguel is standing up behind your father, pointing something on the screen of the laptop, while Nestor is sitting at the desk.

“Please, don't”. You just say with a broken tone of voice, about to cry.

The men turn around facing you.

“Dad, I'm so—sorry for what I did… I'm sorry fo—for crashing your car, Miguel… but do—don't send me to Washington… please”. You beg taking a step closer.

Miguel narrows one of his shoulders, before leaving you alone and closing the door of his own office. Nestor gets up from his chair, resting his body against the edge of the desk, crossing his arms over his chest. Then you notice that he looks so different as he usually does. A bump tying his curly hair, wearing sweatpants and a shirt, and two black bags under his eyes. Now you know what Marcus was trying to explain to you. 

“Dad, it will never gonna happen again, I swear. I pro—promise… I promise you. No car, no alcohol, no going out, no nothing. I will stay at home. All the ti—time. I promise”. You continue begging with all your efforts, while he keeps silent. “I get it, okay? You ha—have to work. You have to work a lot and I promise I will ne—never complain about it again… I will settle with… hav—having any time with you. Por poquito que sea”. (No matter how little).

He doesn't say anything, rubbing the bridge of his nose, uttering a heavy sigh. You're getting more and more nervous. Your whole anatomy is shaking, tasting the salty tears that flood in your lips.

“Lo—Look… this morning I fo—found a job that I co—could take this summer”. Your father looks at you, taking off your phone from a pocket to unlock it, offering it to him so he can read the offer. “It's in a caf—cafeteria… Eleven dollars per hour. It's not mu—much… but I could pay Miguel for everything”.

While you highlight everything you have to pay for, you make some gesture with your fingers counting them under his attentive gaze. He looks surprised, even if he's trying to hide it from you.

“I will do an—anything, dad. I wanna be with you… Please, don' leave me”.

You have never felt so desperate, so broken, so sad. You can't barely breathe, not knowing if you're having a panic attack, an anxiety one, or you're just dying because of the pain imagining you're not going to see him for a long, long time. You never had a good relationship with your mother, and your father is the person you love the most in the world. You literally can't live without him.

“Papá, say something… please”.

The only thing he does is look at the broken screen of your phone, before giving it to you back licking his lips.

“I wasn't talking about the city, but about the county”. He finally speaks, grabbing the laptop as you come closer to have a look. “There's a campground on Mount Rainier. It's a national park surrounded by forests. People camp there and… go hiking, exploring nature. I was more into buying two trail bikes”.

“Aren't you…?”

“Seriously, (Y/N), who the fuck do you think I am?” Narrowing his eyes, he shakes his head, leaving away the laptop.

“I'm sorry… I just… hear yo—”.

“Nothing is what it seems to be”.

“I know… and I'm truly sorry, dad”.

“I'm sorry for hitting you last night. Let me see it”. Cupping your cheek into his hands, he takes a look at the small gap on your lower lip, leaning to kiss your forehead before hugging you with all his strength. “I'm sorry for setting you apart, mi amor. I didn' mean to do it”.

“I know, dad”. You whisper against his chest, feeling somewhat better when you're able to stop crying.

“You have to talk with Mikey, okay?” He says, pulling himself away and caressing your hair. You just nod clearing your tears.

Going out from the office, clinged to your father's waist, he leads you to the kitchen. His friend is there, having a sip from a mug of coffee resting against the counter. Leaving the drink over it, he stands up waiting for some words.

“Miguel, I am… sorry about last night. About taking your car and driving it after drinking… too much tequila”.

“It's okay, I accept your apologies”. He says then with a firm tone.

“I… ahm… I told my dad that I found an… offer job in a cafeteria, to pay you the bills”. You reply, showing him too on your phone. “Probably I will have to… work a double shift for… dunno, maybe ten years to afford it. But I will give it to you back”.

“You don't have to do it”.

“Yes, I have. I crashed it and I was arrested. That's a… lot of money, but I will earn it”.

Miguel looks at you father, visibly surprised because of your insistence and that you're being more responsible than they thought you will be. You sure they thought that you would set them on fire, or something like that. But here you are, swallowing your pride and trying to do the correct thing. 

“I want to make you… have clear the fact that I don't hate you, and that I am not your enemy, (Y/N). Your father is the only person I blinded trust in. We've been friends long before you were born and when he told me he was about to have a daughter, I was more excited than anyone”. Now, you are the surprised one, watching him grab an empty mug to pour some coffee into it before offering it to you. “He's my family, so you do. Sí lo entiendes, ¿verdad?” (Do you understand it, right?”

You nod pursing your lips, holding the drink.

“It's true that sometimes I forgot that he has a house and a daughter to attend to, but I don't do it consciously. I have a son too, I know how it feels to work too much, come back home tired and don't be able to spend time with your family. So, I had an idea”. He does a pause, raising a hand towards the close stook for you to sit on. “I need someone to help me to transcribe my countability books, look for money losses from the last years of my father's empire. And Nestor told me you like… numbers”.

“Yes, I… I do”.

“So, what if to pay my bills, you help me with that? It's a way to show you that I trust you too and that I want you closer too. Everybody wins. You will see your father more often, I will solve my… little problem with the accounts and maybe we can start to be friends”.

Jumping off from the stool, you hug him. You hug him like you never thought you would do one day. And now you're seeing how wrong you were about him.

“But first, enjoy the week with your father and try not to kill himself riding through the forest”. He chuckles, palming gently your back.

“A week?” You frown confused, pulling yourself away and turning to your father smirking with both hands inside the pockets of his pants. “Like… a whole week? From Monday to Sunday?”

“Actually… from Sunday to Sunday. We're leaving tomorrow”.

Not knowing when you have began to cry again, Nestor surrounds you with both arms against his chest, feeling a little more stupid after finding out what they were doing before you came to the house. Leaving some kisses on your head, your father urges you to look at him.

“Let's prepare the trip, okay? I also need to sleep for some… long, long, long hours”. Taking off from his right pocket the Cartel's phone, he leaves it on the counter. “I'm not gonna need it”.

“You sure?” Miguel jokes with him, grabbing it to keep it.

“Fucking sure, hermano”.

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