#((Now if only I had Chord Overstreet gifs

[hhnguyen]

dear eywa

♢ Pairing: Sully family x Oldest sister!Reader

♢ Word count: 2.2k

♢ Genre: angst, family comfort - Warnings: character death, cursing, just tears 

⌲ Description: Alternative ending. You die instead. 

M A S T E R L I S T

R e c o m m e n d e d   p l a y l i s t : ⌲ start a war - Klergy, Valerie Broussard ⌲ hold on - Chord Overstreet ⌲ sleepsong - Secret Garden

AN: Please take your time reading to fully immerse yourselves. 

Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

Why were they so stupid?! 

Half hidden in the waters surrounded by debris, death, and destruction, you watched in aggravated frustration as your two brothers ran further inside the sinking, burning ship rather than away from it - which was the original plan.

With a hiss, your fist slammed against the water as if that would work out the gnawing worry in your gut. With a determined click of your tongue, your ilu swam towards the ship, and with a similar jump as Neteyam before you, hoisted you into the air as you landed on it in a crouch, ears flickering for any sound before creeping forward and the same direction as your siblings. 

If the soldiers didn’t kill them first, you would make sure to end their foolish asses the moment you got your hands on them. 

+ + +

Neteyam had always considered himself somewhat brave despite the brief moments of self-doubt. But in situations like now, where Lo’ak and essentially Spider’s lives both relied on his ability to protect, a side of protectiveness he had never felt before made its presence known. 

Forcefully pushing away his own fear aside and steeling his insides, he rushed them forward hastily towards the opening of the moon deck. But the approaching footsteps had his breath frozen, seconds later followed by the bullets as instincts pushed him into action and he shielded the two boys against the wall and out of the zone. 

It felt like his heart had stopped in his throat for a good moment before he dared to peek out to check, only to hear the sound of a choked scream and a body thumping to the ground. 

The three of them visibly jumped as you skidded to a stop in front of them with wide eyes. “What are you doing? Go!”

They all jumped into action at the command, rushing towards the water as you took up the back with the machine gun held ready at your chest. Neteyam could only run, hearing the way you sometimes stopped to shoot at any incoming threats before returning to his back. 

“Faster!”

He heeded the command without question, pumping his legs faster than ever before and the moment the railing came in view Neteyam jumped as his life depended on it, cause it did. The water had never felt more like a relief to him as he made sure to stay safely under for a couple more seconds to avoid any incoming bullets before resurfacing. 

The moment air hit his skin he omitted a harsh hiss, snapping over to see a graze across his right bicep, oozing blood every few seconds before being washed away by the seawater. “Fuck.”

“What’s up, bro?” Lo’ak was hanging on the neck of an ilu, worried eyes looking over at the sound of his curse.

“I got hit, it might need stitches.”

“Come on guys, let’s get going!” Spider urged them, hanging on to the same animal. 

But a reminder froze him in place as Neteyam started to look around him wildly, water splashing as his heart started to thunder. “Where’s Y/N?!”

“She was right behind you!” Lo’ak’s exclamation, mostly out of sudden fear yelled back. 

No, no, no. This couldn’t be happening right now. 

“Are you two dimwits finished yelling so we can get the fuck out of here?” 

None of them had been happier to hear that foul language until now. 

Whipping around, all three boys let out a collective sigh to see your head floating a few feet away with an unamused arched brow. 

With a click of his tongue, two ilu were quick to find them as they made their getaway swiftly, heading towards the flat surface of a bedding of rocks that looked a relatively safe distance away. 

Jake was quick to join the group, an assertive gaze roaming over them to look for injuries and ruling Neteyam’s graze as the worst outcome. 

“Man, that was crazy,” Lo’ak let out a breath, hunching over with a groan. “I’ve never had that much adrenalin.”

“You’re crazy, is what you mean,” Neteyam grumbled, pressing a cloth to his wound given by his father. 

“You’re all damn crazy!” You snapped out. “Fucking leaping into an enemy ship to risk your lives - for what?! No offense, Spider.”

With a bemused smile, the boy offered two hands in peace not quite in the mood to further antagonize the oldest Sully sibling. “None taken.”

“Hey, at least we got away,” Lo’ak only grinned sheepishly at his older sister, using his innocence and minor favoritism card with the girl as Jake watched with a shake of his head, lips pulling up in a slight smile. 

“Lo’ak, I will fight your a-”

One moment they were all bickering, trading snaps back and forth the safety of their lives seemingly secure with their departure from the burning ship in the background. 

Then chaos ensued. 

Y/N was standing, annoyed expression so very clear.

Then you weren’t. 

Staggering to the ground with a muted gasp as Jake whipped around, eyes sharpening in seconds and locating the hidden sniper as his instincts came in, and within quick movements had the enemy falling into the waters with his own weapon. 

Yet Jake couldn’t give a shit. His gun was thrown to the side, his feet having their own mind as he rushed forward just in time to catch you in his arms before you tilted face down. 

There was no missing the clean through shot and blood oozing out frighteningly fast as he turned you around in his arms, head in the corner of his arms as Jake felt like his whole world just slipped out from underneath his feet. 

“No, no, God, no,” He was muttering, before snapping at any of the children who would listen. “Press on the wound, quickly!” 

Neteyam was the first one to snap out of his shock, scrambling and falling to his knees roughly on your other side as his trembling hands pushed down on the open wound, ignoring his own stinging pain. 

His vision was blurry, nearly unable to see until he realized he was crying. Big, fat ugly tears filled his eyes until they nearly obscured everything. 

Jake was looking around frantically as if hoping a first aid kit or something similar was simply laying around on a deserted slab of rock. A hopeless prayer for someone to save you. Help him save his daughter. 

He had to find something, seaweed or something sharp to-

“Daddy, stop.”

He met your eyes, his own rapidly glazing over with wetness as he met your unwavering gaze. 

“Y/N-”

You coughed, horror spreading as they witnessed blood coming out of your mouth. “It’s useless,” You breathed roughly. “-it a lung, I-I can feel it. Not much…time left.”

“Don’t say that, sister!” Neteyam growled. “Don’t you dare say it!”

“Y/N, please,” Lo’ak’s voice was a broken whisper. 

“Flower, you have to fight,” Jake murmured, gently moving a wet piece of hair away before cupping the side of your face, noticing his own hands trembling as they touched your cooling skin. 

“Can’t fight… something…alreadybroken.” Your whisper was a near-dead quiet, struggling for each word to leave your mouth. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Jake swallowed, the lump in his throat so large it nearly hurt. He had gone through grief numerous times in his life. On more accounts than one even bothered to sum up. 

He had lost friends, family, brothers in arms, and nearly the love of his life at one point. Yet everything until now, had never felt more frightening until this very moment. There had never been a moment for him to consider truly losing one of his children - to watch one of them perish before his very eyes, before himself as a parent. 

Because he refused to ever let that happen. In his mind, he or Neytiri would always be close enough to prevent that from happening on pure will itself. 

Any other great deity could in all offense fuck themselves if that thought ever manifested. They refused to let it happen. 

He had been only a couple of meters away. A couple, not even far enough to call it distance. 

Jake had been standing right in front of his daughter. 

And he had failed to protect you. 

His guilt and grief all mixed into one big mess must have been obvious for even the blind to see, because your grip around his hand tightened, although weakly to what he was usually used to, catching his attention as his tears dripped down against your skin. “It’s okay, daddy,” his strong baby girl offered him a heartbreaking smile. “I’m okay.”

His dying baby was offering him comfort. The fucking irony. 

“I can’t-” His voice was a nearly garbled mess, a completely new vision of himself in front of the children. Not that they cared. All three boys were too busy crying, reaching out to touch a part of you as if trying to feed you their life source. 

“-you can,” Your voice sounded strangely firm. “You all can,” with a flicker to the rest of the boys, eyes lingering on your little brothers a few seconds longer. 

“H-how am I supposed to do this without you, Y/N?” Lo’ak gasped out, nails digging into the palm of his hands. “I need you beside me, please.”

It was like Eywa had breathed new life into you for the last few moments of your very being. Granting you the strength and precious time to say goodbye to your grieving family. 

“You underestimate yourself too much, baby brother,” You croaked, beckoning him closer with your weak wrist as he settled down by your head, your grip surprisingly strong as he bent down to lean his forehead against your own, eyes closing as you both soaked in the comfort of each other’s presence. 

“You will do great and become even greater. I can feel it. Do it for me, okay?”

Leaning back with a hiccup, Lo’ak let his big brother have a moment with you as you nearly smirked up at him. Teeth slightly bloodied, yet not losing the fire. 

If Eywa wanted to take you from the world, then she could. But you would be damned if you were leaving in sorrow. 

“I hate you,” Neteyam’s words shocked those present, but the heavy emotion lacing them was hard to hide. You continued smirking, mouth easing into a gentle smile. 

“I love you too, little brother.” There was nothing else to be said as he did the same thing as Lo’ak, pressing his forehead gently against yours before your vision returned to your dad. 

“Mama…where is mama?” 

As if called from the soul itself, the familiar screech of your mother’s ikran sounded, the noise feeling oddly muted as your eyes flickered around almost disheveled searching for your mother. Searching for the warmth of her presence. 

“No, no, no, ma’ite!” Neytiri gasped, her very soul starting to break as she collapsed down in the same place as her sons made space for her. Frantically taking in your form, denial spread through her.

This could not be happening. Not you. Not her baby. No. Eywa, no! 

“Hi Mama,” Your voice had turned soft, childlike with your face cradled in her larger hands, body still resting on your dad’s lap. “I didn’t want to leave without seeing you.”

“You are not going,” Neytiri shook her head adamantly. “You are not leaving me, my sweet.”

“I’m sorry, mama.”

“You are taking my heart with you,” Your mother gasped out again painfully, grip slightly tight on your face, but you couldn’t help but nearly chuckle. Because you could hardly feel it. 

“I’m sorry.” 

It was all you could say. 

“Kiri-”

“Safe,” Jake finally croaked. “Your sister is safe.” He didn’t actually know, but Jake only wanted to offer you comfort rather than worries in your last moments. 

“She will be pissed at me.” This time you actually chuckled. A small, painful hack. “Not saying bye.”

“She will understand.”

Your mother was still in denial, muttering prayers under her breath as you felt your heart shatter in sympathy. I’m sorry for leaving you so early, mama. 

“Don’t let Tuk Tuk see me like this,” Your last request got the heartbreaking attention of your family. “She’s too young. Clean the blood-” a new tirade of bloody coughs fell over you. “-over the wound. Don’t let her see. Please.”

“Okay,” Jake nodded, a trembling smile evident. “Okay, baby. I won’t let her see. Promise.”

It was as if your last burden had left you, your body slowly relaxing against his own, eyes slowly fluttering shut, only open a smidge to gaze at the eclipse above their heads. 

“I don’t wanna let go,” Lo’ak’s croaking whisper still managed you reach your hearing. “I’m not strong enough.”

You had no strength left. You couldn’t sound your words, your comfort to him. Only your eyes moving, trying to search for him in your half-dazed state, the pain slowly ebbing away. Neteyam’s hand gripped his shoulders, pulling him into his side, and you smiled.

He would be okay. 

“I think I’m gonna sleep now, Daddy.”

A shuddering breath sounded, maybe several. You couldn’t tell. 

“Let’s go home, Flower. I’ll take you home.”

You continued smiling. “Yes..that sounds good.”

And then you fell asleep, chest falling still as your eyes shut completely, your body lax in between the arms and warmth of your parents.

taglist @nao-cchi @eywas-heir @ssc7514 @spicycloudsalad @calums-betch @httpjiikook @ricecakeslove @fanboyluvr @iwaslikeblah   @the-wandering-pan-ace @avatarloversblog @eternallyvenus @enchantinggoateefox @arianapntn @heydemonsitsme @slyvixen1029 @promiseofeywa @love13tter @directioner5life @bambisposts-blogs @melllinaa  @sugarmummystuff6 @lovekeeho @marit332 @hai-kbai @missroro @lola2004sworld @kage-yaa @enchantinggoateefox> @meeeeep5 @wolfangnight @lemon-lav @singular-itae @dueiosy @bobojojoba69​ @littlelia007 @heart-anon @wintersfalcvns @astraeasworld @asweetblueberry2​ ​​

[neoarchipelago]

Hold on

Trigger warning: ANGST AND COMFORT. SELF HARM, SUICIDE, BLOOD. PLEASE BE CAREFUL.

A/N: idk... not feeling particularly good today so... here. Suffer with me. I'm ok, I'm not alone for those who wonder, and I'm a safe place. Just one of those days. Fully written based on this song.

"Simon?" You called. 

As the door closed behind you, you frowned. The house was quiet, not so unusual with a roommate like Simon. But he'd always come to greet you when he was on leave and you'd be home from work. You'd often compare him to a cat. Nonchalant, pretending to not care when he can't live without his human. Yes. 

But this evening, there wasn't a Simon greeting you. 

Perhaps he was out? Meeting his team for dinner or a couple drinks. You stepped into the living room, the air felt uneasy. Dropping your bag and coat on the couch you stopped, watching the tv. The show running, sounds barely audible. The cup of bourbon and half empty bottle near it. 

The air felt thick. Yes. Uneasy. 

"Simon?" You tried again. 

You searched his room first. Hoping he was hibernating away there. Passed out from overdrinking. Wasn't the first time. He'd come home from a particularly harsh mission and you'd find him drunk or passed out on the couch. He'd apologize profusely when you'd try to bring him to bed, and won't look you in the eye in the morning until you push him enough for him to open up to you. 

But the house was silent. And he wasn't hibernating. 

Your pace has increased now, rushing to your own bedroom. He may have passed out on your bed. Mistaken your room for his own. Finding comfort in between the amount of plushie he'd often tease you about. Very unlikely… but plausible. 

But the bed was empty. And the plushies were lonely. 

Your heart was stammering. Ridiculous, no? He was a 6 foot something man, built like a mountain. He could take care of himself. 

But you knew he couldn't truly do it. 

Had he taken his bike? Drive out, after drinking? Letting himself ride out on the hazing booze? He wasn't that stupid. He was often sad. Often empty and scared. Often woken up in cold sweat and nightmares, and you'd join him for tea in the middle of the night. Perhaps if you called his phone he'd answer. So you dialed. 

But he didn't answer. And his phone rang in the house. 

Your head snapped towards the bathroom. The sound of his ringtone echoing there. You almost dropped your phone. Almost. And you knocked- pounded on the door. 

"Simon?!" 

But he didn't answer. And your heart was too loud in your ears. And the air felt uneasy. So you tried to turn the lock. Blessing the gods for the amount of times you complained it was broken and would open too easily but never called the landlord. 

But behind the door there were no blessings. And you found your Simon. 

You didn't exactly know if you screamed. But your mind did. As you rushed to the bloodied man on the floor. Pale face. Visible face. 

"Nononono… Simon, what did you do?!" 

But your voice was broken. And his eyes didn't open. 

You grabbed the closests towels, watched the large cuts in his wrists and you tried to stop the blood from gushing out. Your vision was blurry, hands shaking. And you were so glad you had the rule that he had to put his gun into a safe that you only knew the code of when he's off duty. And your heartbeat was loud in your ears and his own so low as your head laid against his chest. You called him again and again. Until his eyes fluttered open, barely alive. 

"Simon!" You hiccuped. 

"M'sorry…" 

But he wasn't truly. Was he? And you were angry. 

In pain and angry and sad and panicked. And God please God no. 

"If you're sorry, help me! Get up, I'm taking you to hospital, right now!" You screamed. 

But he didn't move. And you were crying. 

"Please don't leave me…" 

Was that your voice? You didn't recognize it. And his eyes filled with tears. 

"I swear, I'll love you all my life. Hold on for me…" you tried. 

You liked- no. You loved this man. How could you not? He was your everything. Nestled in this apartment and in your heart. Washed away pain and sadness together. 

"I'll make it right…I still need you" you tried. 

But was it enough? And was he strong enough?

He swallowed thickly. His throat was probably dry. But he tried to sit up and you felt hope rushing through you. You grabbed hair ties, anything to tie the towels tightly around his wrists and you stood up, hooking his arm around your shoulders. And he stumbled, almost falling with you, slipping on the blood on the tiles. You managed to walk slowly, dragging him to the living room, and you grabbed your keys. 

But time was ticking. And even sitting in the car with him next to you, you felt dreadful. 

He was silent. Too silent. You were rushing, too fast, dangerously. You could both die. He would die anyway, and a part of you would be ok with ending it all here if he didn't make it. So it didn't matter. 

But you came to a screeching stop in front of the emergency room entrance. And the nurses came running to see what was going on. 

You watched in horror, mixed with hope and somehow relief as they took him. His eyes locked on your frame you ran next to him as they put him down in one of those beds to drag him inside. Until they didn't allow you further. And in a last glimpse you spoke. 

"Come back I still need you…" 

But it took hours. And it felt like a nightmare you simply couldn't escape from. 

His team was called. Soon running to you. Holding you. When did you get blood on you? It was his- and you felt sick. Soap holding back your hair as you turned to the nearest trash can. Price growling at the prying eyes. And you were crying again. 

"I just want to take him home…" you sobbed. 

But it wouldn't happen right now. And you wanted to die too, the ache in your chest unbearable. 

Images and flashbacks keep you from sleeping during the night. You stood watch waiting for them to let him see him. Until you could. And you followed silently with the team to a room. He was sleeping. Bandages, blood transfusion and pale face. You stood next to the bed, arms crossed in a comforting move. And the boys talked to the doctor while you took his hand in yours. 

"Hold on. Please… I don't want to let go… I'm not that strong. I want to hear you say "baby let's go home"." 

But he wasn't listening was he? And you sat in the silent room, next to his bed. 

And you didn't sleep. You stared at him, tears blurring your vision once in a while. After so long, you knew he was a soldier. You knew he could die at any moment. You hoped and begged it wouldn't happen every time he left for months. And yet you were so close to losing him right now. So close, and you didn't see it. And now you feel guilty. The only comfort being the stable beep of the heart monitor. 

"You saved him. You were right on time." 

But what if you didn't? And you hadn't come home and found him? 

You closed your eyes, dropping your head close to his hand. You didn't want to move. Didn't want to talk or eat. You wanted to stay here. You didn't want to fall asleep. 

But you did. And you only woke up hours later. 

Eyes red from crying. Silence enveloping you and you didn't want to open your eyes. Maybe for a few seconds more you could believe this was all a nightmare. 

But you had to open your eyes. And face reality. 

You choked on air when you saw the brown tired gaze on you. 

"Simon…" you whispered. 

Silence still. You didn't push it. You closed your eyes, nuzzling his hand, trying to hide the tears. 

"I'm so sorry…" 

But you shook your head. And kept your eyes shut. 

"Darling… please… I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I put you through this." 

But you bit your lip, hard, to keep yourself from sobbing. And you failed. 

"Darling" his voice broke. 

"I can't imagine a world with you gone…" you sobbed. 

And he didn't answer. And you tried to muffle your sobs. His hand slowly and weakly tries to make you look up at him. You did, after a good mental slap of bravery. His eyes filled with tears. 

"I'm sorry. I'm here. I won't leave. I promise." 

But you were terrified. And you loved him. 

"I love you so much…" you sobbed. 

And his eyes closed, shut, as if the confession was too much to bear. A sin and a humiliating confession. You stood, nestling on the bed close to his eyes. And you sobbed against him. You didn't move anymore. Even as the team entered the room. Even as they talked, trying to defuse the situation with laughter. You didn't move. And you fell asleep. 

But you wanted to remain like that. And bask in the feeling of being next to him. 

He was let out a week later. With forceful military leave and psych evaluation, therapy. You had been adamant for him to do so. Remembering him that you would be here. You had a hard time walking inside the apartment with him. Flashbacks make you tremble. Everything left the way it was. Apart from the blood which had been cleaned by the boys when you stayed in hospital. 

But he noticed. And he hugged you. 

He comforted you. He was here. He was so sorry. And so were you. For not being here. Not being able to see he needed you. But how could it be anyone's fault? Now you were home. He was home. You felt on edge. You refused to let him sleep in his room. He had a fight until he saw the absolute despair in your eyes. Your bed. Next to you. No option. And now you wake up in the middle of the night to him. And you check his breathing. And you nestle closer and focus on his heartbeat. 

But there was a long road ahead. And you were more than determined to go through with this fight. Next to him. 

He had accepted the confession. Had accepted your feelings for him. Allowing himself to feel worthy. Therapy helped, and your stubbornness too. And he started to feel again. With time. And love. 

But time helps. And there is hope. 

Sometimes you still remember it. Sometimes you still wake up in sweat and you want to cry. But he wraps his arms around you. Kisses your lips and reminds you he's here. Forever. And you fall back asleep, cuddling up to him. And you're woken up in the morning by tiny footsteps running on the wood floor. The door swinging open and your sons jumping on the bed. Waking up their father. 

But you're so happy he held on. And you will forever thank him for it. 

In this new house. In this family. With that ring on your fingers. His eyes on you. His smile. And you were home. He was home. 

[heartpascal]

I'M EVEN MORE DEVASTED NOW 😭 (i just watched the new mandalorian ep and i'm not gonna say anything anymore) AND THEN YOU POST THAT 😭 I AM SO DEPRESSED AND DEVASTATED 😭

i'm gonna add more to that thought and what if— joel or tommy was awake?

"Look at me, kid. LOOK AT ME!" "Open your eyes, please!" "NO!"

AND MARIA NO! MY MOTHER! 😭 HER BEING IN DENIAL AND TELLING TOMMY TO TELL HER THAT IT'S NOT TRUE! MY HEART 💔🥀 AND WHAT IF LIKE THEY WERE SUPPOSED TO HAVE DINNER TOGETHER AFTER THE PATROL AND IT JUST GOES— MARIA ASKING WHERE SHE IS AND TOMMY JUST—

"Don't you dare say that." "Tell me it's not true. Tell me it's not fucking true, please!" "...Maria."

I AM DEVASTED! JESSE! 😭😭 (he's probably gonna see her soon but we ain't gonna talk about that) ELLIE AND JOEL 😭 joel and maria just lost another child and i can hear that one song going "i told you once, i can't do this again, do this again, oh." AND THE WHOLE FAMILY JUST AVENGING HER WITH TOMMY GOING FIRST 😭 I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! 😭

songs that makes me devasted about this:

• as the world caves in - matt maltese

(i can absolutely see this as the title name if you ever expand on it and just know it's gonna break my heart 💔)

• hold on - chord overstreet

• you said you'd grow old with me - michael schulte

• fourth of july - sufjan stevens

(am i bringing this back? yes, yes i am. specifically; "the evil, it spread like a fever ahead. it was night when you died, my firefly." and "the hospital asked, 'should the body be cast?' before i say goodbye, my star in the sky.")

• walked through hell - anson seabra

• remember me - coco

• sorrow - sleeping at last

• touch - sleeping at last

• it's quiet uptown - hamilton

(this song is making me fall apart—)

THE LAST OF US PART 2 SPOILERS

i am currently just putting that as like a blanket warning and then gonna do keep reading thingys so hopefully people who don’t wanna see don’t see!! ( THIS WAS BEFORE I WROTE… ALL THIS. )

omg yes shhh i’ve only watched episode 1 of season 3 so far oopsies. i have so little time for mando AGH i wish i had more >:( but i also neglected sm homework last week oops so my own fault really

no because if JOEL was awake? and he watched that happen? i genuinely don’t know what he’d do. there’s two options, one of which we heard of after sarah died, and the other being he goes mad for revenge. (let’s pretend abby didn’t use like. a fucking shotgun on his leg and it was recoverable, shhhhh)

TOMMY. he’d be so torn. i don’t know what he’d do either!!! they would just be so fucking despondent. like what is even the point if r is gone? what are they meant to do now? and if he had to watch? if he watched, and wasn’t able to do anything? can you imagine the pain he’d be in after locking eyes with r, wondering if r would ever forgive him for this? tommy would absolutely blame himself. would blame himself for letting reader on patrols at all, for helping abby, for trusting this group that they didn’t know, for doing nothing when reader needed him to do something, anything, the most

you saw how tommy reacted in part 2 when abby threatened ellie, how he fucking yelled and screamed at ellie to leave. can you imagine how much he would yell and scream at abby to just leave reader alone, to just stop, please, don’t do this to her, she didn’t do anything

can you imagine how tommy would react if he found out why abby did it? how joel would react? how ellie would react?

lets think about this for a minute actually, because ellie would NEVER forgive joel. she wouldn’t. because she already hated him for what he did at the hospital, she was just barely coming to forgive him for it, and now not only did he take that away from her, but his actions also led to reader being killed. joel would never ever forgive himself, but neither would ellie.

hell, if joel went to seattle for revenge, i don’t think he’d be coming back no matter the outcome. it has to be said. what does he have left, anyway?

my dear, sweet maria. she would be so torn after her initial denial, because god does she want to avenge reader, she wants to tear them all apart for what they did to her, but then there’s this baby who needs her. tommy would be long gone, by then, anyway. she couldn’t orphan her child. but what about you?

and the blame she’d have for joel, too, if she found out?

joel would be having the absolute WORST time.

your dialogue for maria’s reaction is so so accurate too, and you can really see tommy just looking at her, saying her name, because there’s nothing else he can say.

and when tommy and maria’s son grows up, and he’s wondering why his dad left, and he doesn’t understand because he can’t remember reader. he doesn’t remember her looking after him, only has the names on the chalkboard that’s still set up on the mantle of the home he shares with his mother only. because maria wouldn’t welcome tommy back after he left. couldn’t. a part of her resents him for not saving r too, although she’d never say it out loud.

i wanna talk about jesse more but this is already long i’m sorry HAHAH so i will move on to my favourite thing. SONGS!!!

as the world caves in — i’m an awful person for immediately thinking about how joel’s world litch rally caved in (via the golf club to r’s head…) OK BUT FOR REAL NOW. i love this song. it hurts so bad. for all of them, the world had already ended. they’re living in post apocalyptic times for gods sake. but this… this is worse. this is their actual world falling apart before their very eyes.

i cant talk about hold on because i think i will actually break down in sobs and cries. but agreed. that song hurts so bad

you said you’d grow old with me — these lyrics hurt particularly bad if you relate them to jesse i think. and ellie actually. “we had plans, we had visions, now i can't see ahead” i’m crying and sobbing. they’d both be so empty. they wouldn’t know what to do with themselves. and they’d remember so many things they forgot to tell reader :( “you've got your peace now, but what about me?” SOBBIIIIINGGG. actually look at all of these lyrics because they all fit so well and they ALL hurt.

fourth of july — may i just also add “what could i have said to raise you from the dead?” because it makes me sad. and as you SHOULD bring this one back. it hurts. also the repeated “why do you cry” hurts so bad because not only will all the characters be sobbing but also r didn’t want to die :(

walk through hell — all of you go and look at EVERY single song lyric here. because ouch. like i’m in pain rn listening to this

remember me — “remember me though i have to say goodbye” yelling crying screaming sobbing. and also “remember me each time you hear a sad guitar” joel coded joel coded joel coded. he never got to teach r how to play even though she wanted to learn (shhh) and that would haunt him forever i think. or however long he lived..

sorrow — OUCH. all of this just hurts and then you have this especially joel coded line “slowly, then all at once / a single loose thread / and it all comes undone” sobs he lost everything. also i think this song really fits with how like. lost and unsure everybody would be going forward like “i feel out of focus / or at least indisposed” TBE MORE I LOOK AT THE LYRICS THE MORE I COULD PICK OUT THAT FIT SO WELL. howl you know what you’re doing. i should be mad. i should be.

touch — “all i want is to flip a switch / before something breaks that cannot be fixed” need i say more? no. i needn’t. but i will. “predicting god as best he can / but god i wanna feel again”

it’s quiet uptown — howl im gonna need you to stop using hamilton against me please and thank you. but this song is maria coded. THERE I SAID IT. it’s maria coded! “you hold your child as tight as you can / and push away the unimaginable” her with her son after tommy leaves too. she’s so stuck on the fact that she couldn’t protect r that she worries she won’t be able to protect him either. she can’t lose a third child. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY. “i spend hours in the garden / i walk alone to the store” TO READER’S STORE!!! TO THE POTTERY SHOP!!! imagine the pain maria would feel when all the flowers outside have wilted away, unreplaced, and then she has to throw them away. she’s alone. she’s so alone. i’m in pain. with everybody off avenging r who’s their to mourn her? everybody forgets about your shop soon enough, except for her. she cleans the shop, sends her son to be looked after by someone she trusts, only for a little while. she can’t manage long. AND THEN THE SECOND PART IS TOMMY CODED. “if i could spare [her] life / if i could trade [her] life for mine / [she’d] be standing here right now / and you would smile and that would be enough” …… i’m going into hibernation actually. howl HOW COULD YOU.

[chaoticrebels]

Ten ( 10 ) SIX ( 6 ) 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐋𝐖𝐀𝐘𝐒 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 .

tagged by: @misfittcd​

tagging: everyone

1. ♫ ❪ Luna, Ember, Blue, Taylor ❫ ❥ Devil's Worst Nightmare - FJØRA 

I felt heaven Shaking hands with angels Never saying never Winds blow turning tables And I've met monsters Drank from the well of poison water Heed me now Satan I'm coming for your sons and daughters Just 'cause I look like an angel Don't mean I won't get down in the dirt Just 'cause I look like a good girl Don't mean I won't do things that hurt Beware evil I'm the Devil's worst nightmare

2. ♫ ❪ Blue, Ember, Ji-Woon {Given the pronouns change for him} ❫ ❥ Vicious - Bohnes

That girl is vicious, she's vicious Got venom in her kisses She's wicked, she's wicked Yet somehow so delicious And I love how she devours me

3. ♫ ❪ Ji-Woon ❫ ❥ "Wicked as They Come" - CRMNL 

First things first, I'm a sinner It's no fun being a saint Heart as cold as the winter And I don't wanna be saved Sold my soul to the devil Got no fear of the dead Cozied up to the dreadful And I ain't scared of the end Only the unlucky they know me Pay me what you owe me I'll be over soon Three, two, one, sink my teeth into you Hurt so bad, make you howl at the moon See you on the dark side when I'm done I'm wicked as they come I'm hooked on the taste of revenge Blood in the water, blood on my hands See you on the dark side when I'm done I'm wicked as they come

4. ♫ ❪ Ji-Woon, Storm, Pan ❫ ❥ "All Eyes On Me" - CRMNL

Knock em over one by one Sometimes we do it just for fun Don’t ask me to apologize Cause we live like it’s do or die All eyes on me (oh oh oh oh oh) I’ve got the rising power I’ve got what you need Take it a little bit louder  If you like what you see All eyes on me Can’t catch me I’m on the run All that’s left is a smoking gun  I come with a warning sign Keep away I’m rough to ride I take the cash, I’m taking names I rule the world, I run the game

5. ♫ ❪ Draco, Billy, Casper, Roxxi ❫ ❥ Tortured Soul - Chord Overstreet

I toss and turn most every night Insomnia is hard enough to fight Whiskey taste is on my breath Part of me is scared to death What if I told you the truth But I chase you down with 90 proof? One more sip for a tortured soul You're diggin' my heart in a deeper hole And a thousand thoughts going through my mind Cigarettes keep it occupied

6. ♫ ❪ Kas, Twyla, Pan ❫ ❥ QUEEN OF THE FREAKS - AViVA

So, I'm a little c-c-crazy Get off my back You're curious but scared I'll give ya A heart attack But I know you're always sick of acting brave I think it's time to come and see I can be good, but I can be bad You think these names would be making me mad Just say my name out loud (freak!) I can be good, but I can be bad You think these names would be making me sad But it don't bother me I'm a freak And you know it I'm a freak Don't I show it? I'm a freak And I own it Won't you come and play with me?

7.  ♫ ❪ Storm, Draco ❫ ❥ Easier than Lying - Halsey

I’m only whatever you make me and you make me more and more a villain every day But you don’t know you reap, you sow Whatever you give to me, from yourself you take. Well if you’re a hater, then hate the creator it’s in your image I'm made

8. ♫ ❪ Billy, Eddie, Steve, Casper, Violet, Roxxi, Storm, Nikita ❫ ❥ Running Up That Hill - Kate Bush

It doesn't hurt me Do you wanna feel how it feels? Do you wanna know, know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you wanna hear about the deal that I'm making? And if I only could I'd make a deal with God And I'd get Him to swap our places Be runnin' up that road Be runnin' up that hill Be runnin' up that building Say, if I only could, oh You don't wanna hurt me But see how deep the bullet lies Unaware I'm tearin' you asunder Oh, there is thunder in our hearts Is there so much hate for the ones we love? Oh, tell me, we both matter, don't we?

9. ♫ ❪ Billy, Casper, Ryker, Jakai ❫ ❥ I’m Not a Saint - Billy Raffoul

But I've had one too many cigarettes burning up my lungs Had the taste of one too many lips hanging of my tongue, oh, oh Sunday morning getting high, drinking here alone Thinking up a brand new alibi for not coming home, oh, oh And I'm sorry I lie so much

I'm not a saint, but I could be if I tried Lord knows I've got habits to break I'm really good at being good at goodbyes I'm gonna give you fair warning that I I'm not a saint, but I could be if I tried Lord knows I don't learn from mistakes And I'm not here unless I'm here by your side

10. ♫ ❪ Storm, Pan, Luna, Draco ❫ ❥ Dark Horse - Katy Perry

Make me your one and only But don't make me your enemy (enemy) Your enemy (your enemy), your enemy So you wanna play with magic? Boy, you should know what you're fallin' for Baby, do you dare to do this? 'Cause I'm coming at you like a dark horse (hey) Are you ready for, ready for (hey) A perfect storm, perfect storm? (Hey, hey) 'Cause once you're mine, once you're mine (hey, hey, hey, hey) (There's no going back)

[amandasmoviess]

Hold on

Amanda Rollins x fem!reader

Warnings: Normal SVU talk, language, blood, talk of death, smidge of angst if you squint, I think that’s it?

It was a usual week, a somewhat usual case. A girl had been raped, tortured and beaten by three men, knowing that by the crime scene and the victims state they’d done this before so your job was to find the other victims and get the perps. Yet that’s not how it played out

——————

“Come on Cami I know this is difficult to keep going through but I just need you to remember and tell me what he looked like” as one would expect this girl was terrified and couldn’t remember a thing “I can’t remember I-I’m sorry” she broke down crying for the third time this morning, walking over to leave the room she called out to you “wait- I remember one of them saying t-that “if only Charlotte could see him now, she’d be so proud of how far he’d come” you walked back over to her crouching down onto your knees “thank you, we’re gonna find them” she leaned in and gave you a hug. Pulling apart you got up and walked out of the room “start digging” Barba said with his usual sass and walked out of the precinct, you turning to Liv as she gave you a smile “you’ve come a long way Y/n” she paused “now either let’s go find these assholes or we go find our ‘Charlotte’” she smirked “either of which I’m fine with” you turned and walked back to your desk to see your partner staring at you “what?” You asked “oh uh- nothing just thinking” she laughed “right..” you let the topic go and started looking for anything that could be part of this case

——————

It’s was a week later, you’d found three more victims and you’d found Charlotte, deciding to meet her at a coffee shop before going down to the precinct to give a full statement. You’d taken Amanda , because she was your partner, with you to the coffee shop while Liv, Fin, and Carisi waiting outside in the car just incase they saw someone

You and Amanda got there to see Charlotte sitting at a table looking out the window, you both walked up and took a seat “hi Charlotte, I’m detective y/l/n and this is my partner detective Rollins” you smiled at her “h-hi, so what did you guys need?” Rollins started speaking and all you could do was try and listen as you stared at her “we’re working a case..we found four victims that had been raped, tortured and beaten by three men. Three out of the four remembered that the only thing any of them said was ‘if only Charlotte could see me now, she’d be so proud at how far I’d come’” she shifted in her seat uncomfortably “a-and what does that have to do with me?” She asked concerned “well for starters your name is Charlotte, but last year before any of the victims had been raped..you were in the hospital with apparently the same pattern wounds as all of our victims, so we gathered that you are the ‘Charlotte’ he talked about and you would know who at least one of the guys is” you stated.

She ended up telling you who one of the peeps were and you thanked her for talking with you both giving her hand a squeeze before all three of you meeting Liv, Fin, and Carisi outside the coffee shop “how’d it go” Liv asked “good, we know who one of the perps is” you said putting Charlotte in the car “time to call Barba?” Amanda asked Liv as you walked around the car to talk to them but before Liv could answer there were three loud bangs, the sound of glass shattering and people screaming. Everyone ducked for cover looking around, then fin ran over to you “y/n!” You were standing up against the car hands shaking and hovering over two bullet wounds in your abdomen. You looked at Amanda before slipping and falling into Fin’s arms whimpering out in pain “hey look at me, look at me y/n you’re gonna be fine” he took off his jacket and tried to put pressure on your abdomen when the rest of the squad came running over, Amanda stayed frozen looking at you bleeding for a few moments before running over. Liv crouched down next to you “s-someone check on C-Charlotte” you stuttered as you started to spit blood, Carisi checked the car for Charlotte but she was gone “Cap she’s gone” Liv panicked for a moment while Fin was on the phone getting a clear route to Bellevue “shit! Ok y/n..” you looked at her whilst you laid on the ground holding your bleeding wounds “hey you’re gonna be ok” she tried to move the hair from your face as you started to cough and more blood came out “a-amanda” you whispered to her and she looked at you “what about Amanda y/n” she tried to ask you which gained her attention, she started to cry. Her partner, the partner she wanted to actually be partners in life with was on the street bleeding out before her eyes. “Y/n?!” Liv called out but you didn’t respond your eyes just shut Amanda whispered “fuck! no no no no!” to what she thought was only to herself but Carisi had her and pulled her into his arms while she cried Fin picked you up and put you into his car while Amanda called out “Fin wait!” She ran and got into the car with you and fin, sitting in the back so she could keep pressure on your wounds. “Hold on y/n you’re gonna be fine, just hold on”

While Fin drove off to Bellevue white you and Amanda, Liv just stood there in the street covered in your blood as Carisi tried to talk to her but she wasn’t listening. Eventually everyone was at the scene even Barba who was the only one able to pull Liv’s attention “what the hell happened” he asked her and she looked down at herself covered in blood. Your blood. “Someone shot y/n and killed Charlotte” she said with no emotion in her face “Shit, I-I need to call Lucy see if noah is ok” Rafael nodded to her as she walked away to call Lucy. Once the scene had been processed everyone went to the hospital to wait for you.

Fin was sitting with Amanda in the waiting room as she cried looking down at herself, while she was also covered with your blood. Liv walked over to her “you ok?” Liv asked her “she worked up in the car a-and started coughing more blood and somehow the bleeding from her abdomen got worse a-and now I’m sitting her covered in her blood not knowing if she’s gonna die” Amanda told Liv like she was detached from the entire conversation “I know she’s your partner Amanda but she’s gonna be fine” Amanda finally looked her in the eye “and if she’s not?” Liv didn’t have an answer for that she she just squeezed Amanda’s hand and walked over to the corner to call her son again. Frankly Liv didn’t want to answer the question of ‘what if you weren’t gonna be fine’ you’d come such a far way with the squad, you and Amanda were almost inseparable Liv knew that if you died Amanda wouldn’t be the same frankly nobody on the squad would. Fin was like your big brother, Carisi was your best friend other than Amanda and Liv was like your big sister. You’d brought so much joy to the team and you were so quick-witted with your snarky comments nobody ever thought this would happen, especially to you. Losing you, the squad would never be the same.

At this point Amanda had stopped crying and was trying to find out where the cafeteria was so she could go get some coffee and something to eat, that was when a doctor came down the hallway and called out “Y/n Y/l/n?” Amanda rushed back over when Liv walked up to him “I’m her captain” the two of them walked a little further down the hall and talked, all the whole room saw was Liv starting to cry. That was when Amanda had lost all sense of reality. She felt like she couldn’t breathe and she still didn’t even know if you were dead or alive. Liv came running back down the hall and grabbing Amanda by the arm and tugging her outside while everyone watched confused “Liv what the hell?” She said while crying “y/n..” Amanda looked at her with pleasing eyes “no. Please she can’t-“ Liv told her to stop talking so she could finish “y/n..is alive and awake and wants to see you and you only” she smiled “she broke down crying in her hands and hugged Liv “thank you” she cried out “don’t thank me” she started “oh and just tell her already so I can stop seeing your goo-goo eyes all day long” she laughed pulling back from Amanda and they both walked inside while Liv stopped in the waiting room to talk to everyone Amanda went straight back to your room.

“Hey look who it is! It’s about time” you mumbled as Amanda walked into the room and sat down in your bed “thanks for not dying on me” she said as she moved you hair out of your face “I couldn’t leave you to be partners with Sonny” she laughed at that “how’re the happy mess?” She asked “goooood I can’t feel a thing” you giggled “oh really? You can’t feel a thing?” She asked you jokingly “mhm I can’t feel nothin” you smirked at her and she moved a little closer “mmhm got it..so I guess that means you can’t feel this?” She leaned over gently and kissed you careful not to hurt your stomach wounds as she pulled away and look at the adorable smile on your face “oh no I could feel that” and Amanda laughed “come give me some more lovin’ I’ve loved you since I first came into that precinct and I almost died today I think that guarantees some more kisses. At the very least” you sounded very please with your argument “hm with that argument maybe you should ditch being a detective and become a lawyer” she laughed before kissing you again.

When she pulled away you reached up to her face “you look really pretty Amanda” she laughed knowing how much pain meds they must have you on “thank you y/n” she smiled “can you get the rest of the squad?” She stood up placing a kiss on your forehead “of course” “don’t forget barba!” You called once she was at the door

She walked down the hallway again to see everyone looking at her “y/n wants to see the rest of the squad, and barba that includes you too” she said walking back to the room with everyone behind her, she got in the room first much to your relief so you could ask her a question “Rollins quick question before they all get in here” she laughed “I’m not marrying you y/n” you faked shock “ouch rude” she rolled her eyes at you “not yet anyways” and you laughed “will you go on a date with me?” She walked back over to your bed kissing you quickly “of course I will” she said that just in time for everyone to come into the room as you yelled “I’m going on a date with Rollins!” You threw your arms up like a child and everyone laughed “oh yea cause that hospital gown is really sexy y/n” Carisi laughed as you threw your pillow at him “I think I look amazing Mr. I wear socks with sandals” you smirked pleased with yourself “oh that’s low” Fin said and high-fives you “I learned from the best” you smiled at him “that you did, kid” you tried to sit up to hug him but your abdomen did not agree with that “get down here so I can hug you” he laughed but did as you asked “thanks for saving me” you said quietly “thanks for not dying on us” he pulled away “aww what did I scare you all? Did you really think I was gonna leave this team and have Amanda be partners with Carisi as head detectives?” Everyone laughed except Carisi “you’re so lucky your on pain meds” you smirked “oh you know you love me Sonny..plus Amanda told me you were crying in the waiting room” you laughed “really Rollins?!” She rolled her eyes “oh sure blame me. She asked me how everyone was reacting!” You looked at her and then Rafael who was sitting in one of the chairs “hey barba? You think we can get that warrant for this guys arrest now?” You asked and he laughed “no problem y/n with our luck by the time it goes to trial you’ll be sitting in the gallery making snarky comments like usual again” you leaned back “god I hope so” everyone laughed again before you spoke up “hey uhm guys really thank you for being here and I really wanted to see you all so I could tell you that Rollins finally agreed to go on a date with me-“ Amanda interrupted you “finally?! You never asked before” you shushed her so you could finish talking “right now I really just want to talk to Liv and Amanda but I’ll let you know when you guys can come back and check up on me” they laughed as they all started to leave the room

“Feel better kid!” Fin called out “oh I will I got Rollins” you both smirked at each other as her left the room shutting the door to be left with only you, Amanda and Olivia “it’s about time you two.” You laughed at her comment “Liv what did you say to make her come in here and kiss me?” Liv looked at Amanda while she blushed “just that she should tell you, you know since you almost died” and Amanda looked down and you “right that’s what I forgot to say” she joked and you hit her with your pillow as Liv laughed “you provoked the kiss y/n” Amanda stated “all I said was that the pain meds made me feel nothi- ok yes I did” Liv laughed and came to give you a hug “I’ll be back later, don’t do anything stupid either of you” she got up and went towards the door “the only stupid thing I’m gonna do is Amanda” that had Liv shaking her head as she left “really?!” Amanda looked at you now that it was just the two of you “what! It’s true!” Now Amanda was the one shaking her head as she sat down next to you again “I love you y/n” she said with the most sincere face possible as you just giggled to yourself “I love you too” she gave you another kiss “what do you say we get something to eat because I’m starving and you have a menu” you both laughed “fine but if we’re sharing food then you have to actually sit on the bed with me” she started to move “ohhhh but it’ll look bad I mean you only asked me on a date not to be your girlfriend, so I can’t cuddle you y/n it’ll give the wrong impression” she tried to look serious at you “seriously?! I almost die, tell you I love you, I kiss you, and ask you out on a date?! That doesn’t guarantee me a girlfriend?” You ask her as she just started laughing “of course it does I just wanted to mess with you” you scoffed rolling your eyes as she came to actually lay with you in the bed.

“just for that I’m not getting you the cannolis” “oh come on those are my favorites!” You rolled your eyes “ok fine but you have to share” you said quietly, Amanda kissed you again thanking you, snuggling closer but careful not to hurt your stomach. “I love you” she whispered softly “I love you too Amanda”

_________

Who would’ve thought that getting shot would’ve gotten you the love of your life to be your girlfriend?

[disasterfandoms]

Hold On To The Stars ~ A Trent Sawyer x Scott “Full Metal” Carter

This is literally the closest I’m getting to a Trent/Metal gif. Sigh.

A/N: Welcome Back to the series that causes me great pain to write but I adore it so: the murder series! This week I’m stomping on my own heart, because no one is safe! This is a song fic, so if you do please, this is based off of Hold On by Chord Overstreet, and “In the Stars” by Benson Boone.

TW: death, ventilators, life support, angst, tears, suicide mentions

Taglist: @milfdeacon @bravo-four-seal-team @jayhalsteadfan-2417 @chibsytelford @mrsmarvelous1995 @rebelwrites​

This can’t be happening.

He gripped his husband’s hand, rubbing his thumb other the cracked, purple knuckles, watching as the ventilator breathed for him.

It was just a stupid fight, right? He never thought his husband needed any help,

“Hey baby, I know it’s been a while,” he started, speaking in a low tone as he sat down, photo of their wedding day in hand. “It’s been hell without hearing you speak, I miss you so much.”

He couldn’t stop the tears, even if he wanted to. He couldn’t stop thinking about how their daughter, who just turned four months old, would never get to see her Dad again, never get to hear his voice.

“I love you, Scott,” he whispered, his voice crackling from the tears. He wouldn’t stop squeezing his hand, hoping, praying the man before him would squeeze it back. “I know this is the right thing to do,” he continued, “But I need you to fight it, alright? I need you to come home...” he sobbed, laying his head on their hands.

How was Trent going to do this? How could he live, raise their daughter, without Scott? This was his husband, the man he loved more than anyone on this Earth. Metal was the man he’d listen rock their baby to sleep every night, telling her about the stars, the universe and the amazing life he had lead.

He didn’t hear anyone come in, his cries drowning out their footsteps. One by one, though, each member of their team had came in, with Commander Blackburn being the last one in the room. 

They put hands on his back and shoulders, squeezing him to comfort him, remind him he wasn’t alone.

But he was, now. 

He was forever alone, his husband leaving the world, leaving him and their baby girl to leave without him.

He felt the world go dark, the second he heard the flatline.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

8 months later, he walked up the quiet road, letters and flowers in hand. He had been back every week since he passed, to talk about everything and anything.

It amazed him how his husband was still the only person he could tell his problems to.

He found the gravestone, sitting in front of it as he laid the flowers down, his last bouquet sitting where he had left them. If Metal could see him, he would call him a sensitive bastard, for leaving them every time he came.

He paused for a few moments, taking in his surroundings, how serene the landscape was. His mind flashed to the day it happened, how hopeless he had felt since.

“Our baby had her first birthday yesterday,” he continued, taking a swig from the flask in his leather jacket pocket. “Decided on a galaxy theme, like you had thought about when we had her. She points to stars every night, I think she’s trying to find you when she does.”

It took everything in him to keep his composure, shaking his head as he continued, “I found the letters you had left us. You had a flair for the dramatics, you know that?” He couldn’t help but laugh, looking at the envelopes. “I won’t read yours to Charlotte, bring her here in a few years when she can understand.”

He took a few moments of silence, staring at the letter addressed to him. “I’ve never understood why you didn’t let me help you,” he whispered, sighing when he opened the letter.

“My Love,

If you’re reading this, that means I’m gone. Whether that means I ended my suffering, or I died with my men, well, does it really matter?

You and Charlotte were the best things to have ever happened to me, T. I’ll never be able to thank you enough for the years we’ve had together, You may have been a pain the ass at times, but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

Keep her safe, and happy. And, don’t let her forget me? I know I’ve left when she was young, but I hope I’ve influenced her life, even a tiny bit. 

I’m sorry I won’t be able to hold your hand, or watch her grow. I wish I could have held on, but it was getting too much, it was all just so, so much.

Find someone who loves you, Trent, that you love back. You deserve to find someone who makes all your dreams a reality. I’m sorry it wasn’t me.

I love you,

Scott.”

He clutched the letter to his chest, sobbing as he finished reading it.”I love you,” he bawled, “I love you...”

[foodieforthoughts]

Sand and Stars - Chapter Seven

Series Summary: After the water pump being blown up, the insurgents in Baqubah are taking a hold of the food supply to the village. Camp Warhorse is in dire need of reinforcements. It has been eight months of submitting countless requests when the High Command commissions Sergeant Olivia Ross to take her group of men and women and help Captain Syverson and his team to restore a semblance of normalcy. But with the war raging, does it get two hearts closer too?

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC x OMC

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: 18+, character death, angst, blood, gore, mentions of war, military technicalities (thread with caution)

A/N: This chapter was very difficult to write as I hadn’t written about losing a loved one before. But the entire experience of delving into the psyche of someone who is troubled by such loss was heart-breaking. I also took some inspiration from the song Hold On by Chord Overstreet. Also, I know I include army warfare a little bit, the references is only limited to what I know from media, I’m sorry for any inaccuracies. 

As always, @thelastsock​ was the helpful beta with her wonderful ideas. I love you for being with me while I write this series.

*gif credit to owner

<Chapter Six

Title: Chapter Seven

Darkness. Pain. Screaming. Olivia groaned as she tried to move. Her head throbbed along her temple, the helmet feeling like it weighed a hundred pounds. She opened her eyes, wincing at the light and heat that assaulted her. The shrill ringing in her ears making it difficult to concentrate on the next step. Wet sand and soil caking her skin as she tried to rub her face into some semblance of painless clarity. Her leg. The pain getting more intense as her leg swam into focus. No obvious injuries, maybe a fracture.

She blinked her eyes slowly, taking in her surroundings and finally registering what had happened. A straining wail sounded from the wreckage of their chopper. Gary. She pushed herself on her hands wincing as pain shot up her shoulder. She glanced at her arm; a piece of metal was sticking out from it. With a trembling hand, she took a deep breath and pulled the metal shard out, tears brimming in her eyes as blood oozed out from the gash running in rivulets and soaking her sleeve. She applied pressure on her wound, pressing her eyes shut as she tried to breathe through her pain.

Another painful wail sounded from the side of wreckage, making her grab onto the broken blades of the chopper sticking out from the sand to steady herself. She dragged her feet on the soil, stumbling to reach where her Sergeant was.

When she rounded the body of the Little Bird, she wasn't quite sure what she was seeing. Odd angles and red. So much red. Schmidt pinned under the tail. Blood spurting out his mouth with every breath. His leg was being crushed by the metal wreck and his arm was twisted in an inhuman angle with crimson liquid matting his entire body. Olivia fell to her knees next to her friend, sobs leaving her lips and tears streaming down her soiled cheeks. 

“Gary, hey, hold on.” She unclasped the belt of his helmet, pulling it off and throwing it away. 

Schmidt took a shuddering breath when Olivia took his hands in his. “I-I don’t…”

“You won’t,” She interjected, understanding exactly what he wanted to say. She lied. She knew he was going to bleed out and she wouldn’t be able to help. She blinked away the welling tears and looked around trying to spot anyone in their vicinity. The faint sound of gunshots came from a distance. “Someone will come looking for us.” She tried to speak with confidence, but her voice was faltering as Schmidt’s grip loosened in her hand.

“My wife…my kids…” He stuttered, blood beginning to flow out of his nostrils. “Tell them…I will always…love them.”

“You tell them that yourself, Gary. You hear me?” She grabbed at his fatigues, fisting them in her blood covered hand. “You are not dying.” She could hear his breath coming out short as he gasped for air. 

Gary elicited a mixture of laugh and a cry, tears streaming down the side of his face, making a trail on his dusty skin. “C’mon Red…we know…I’m short of time.”

Liv held onto his hand again desperately trying to will him away from the clutches of death. She watched with hazy eyes as her friend held onto the last thread of life, gasping in air and spitting out blood. Her mind pictured the time she had met his wife and his children; how his life partner had made Olivia promise she’d keep her husband safe. Her heart ached as she watched her best friend, her family, slipping from her hands.

The unmistakable rumble of a Humvee’s engine soared Olivia’s hope to save her friend. Over a rocky sand dune, the beige metal vehicle rode up and made its way towards them. She laughed at the realization that they were her men, coming to save them. 

“Gary…” She began, only to look down and be met with the vacant eyes of her Sergeant staring blankly up into the sky. There were no more shaky breaths leaving from his unmoving lips, his body laid limply, and his hand slipped from hers. “No, no, no.” She stuttered her words, trying to shake him awake.

“Sergeant!” Her men's voices mixed into one another as they called out. She offered no resistance as they hauled her up by her shoulders and hustled her into the back of the Humvee. 

Everything was a clouded haze after that. She had watched as Gary’s lifeless body was slid in the tight space between them. Sloan called out to her from beside her, but Liv’s voice seemed to have gotten trapped in her throat. Someone had closed Gary’s eyes for which Olivia was thankful. At least now she didn’t have to look into his eyes and be met with the disappointment in failing to save his life.

***

Sy paced in front of the gate, glancing at his watch and back to the road. He had been informed at the camp about the situation. His heart was racing, he hated not knowing. He expected the worst, always, but not knowing who was coming back in a body bag had him on edge.

As the whirring blades of the Medevac came into view, so did the vehicles making their way towards the gate. He stepped to the side as the metal barriers were opened, letting the cars enter the compound. Everyone rushed to the injured team; bruised and battered soldiers climbed out of the cars. Sy spotted Sierra who was clutching her bleeding shoulder, two other men drenched in blood being helped to the helicopter. When he saw Olivia stumble out of the back of the Humvee, his heart dropped.

Liv looked like she was walking in a daze. Her arm was covered in blood, soil and sand matted on her face and she limped when she walked. Sy gently placed a hand on her shoulder, drawing her attention to him.

“Liv,” He said cautiously. When her eyes met his they looked lost, distant and far away. 

“I’m okay.” Her brittle voice cut through Sy’s heart. She nudged his hand away from her shoulder and limped her way towards the building where the infirmary was housed, not even glancing behind as the Medevac team lifted off from the ground.

It took Sy hours before he could visit Liv alone. He couldn’t have abandoned his duties as a Captain while people under his wing had been injured and killed. But he kept a tab on her by asking Sloan about her whereabouts. Liv had gotten herself bandaged and had chosen to retire to their quarters. It was late in the evening when he was finally done with calls with his superiors and with briefing the team. 

Sy stood outside the door to the ladies quarter unsure of what lay ahead. He knocked sharply on the wooden door. When he got no response he pushed the door open, hinges protesting the movement as he peered inside the dark room. He glanced at the two empty beds on the opposite side which possibly belonged to Sloan and Sierra. BJ had asked permission to let Sloan stay with him tonight and Sierra was at the base in Baghdad which left Liv alone in the room. He stepped inside tentatively and spotted her on the bed shoved right at the corner of the room.

Liv was hunched over with her wet hair falling over her shoulder, shielding her face from Sy. The sleeve of her t-shirt was rolled up with a white bandage covering her arm, a crimson patch in the middle of it. He closed the door behind him and slowly walked towards her. Droplets of water fell from the ends of her red locks, pooling on the floor next to her feet. 

Sy debated whether he should sit next to her. He understood very well everything she was going through. He had lost buddies in combat; the first time was always the hardest. He wanted to comfort her and make her understand that this is the life they chose for themselves.

“It should have been me.” Her voice was barely audible, little over a whisper. Her hands covered her face with her elbows resting on her knees. “It should have been me, Sy.”

“Hey, don’t say that.” He brought his hand to place on her shoulder, but she flinched away. Sy felt dejected but he withdrew his hand away. “We all signed up for this. We know what there is to lose.”

“I should have been careful. I should have done something to save him.” Her voice trembled as she spoke. 

“Liv,” he started, braving to put his hand on her shoulder yet again only for Olivia to abruptly stand up. Her eyes blazed red, puffy with the tears. Her lips quivered as she stared at him, clutching her arm as the bandage was painted with more blood seeping from the wound.

“Just say it, Sy, say it was my fault.” 

Sy stood up as his hands balled into fists. He wanted to be Liv’s confidant, but she was pushing him away. “It wasn’t.” He replied sternly, his lips pressed into a thin line. “You stop berating yourself. You are a soldier, Liv.” He blamed it on tiredness for he did not mean to sound condescending. He quickly understood his mistake, his face softening as Olivia took a step away from him. “Liv,” he pleaded, extending his hand towards her.

“It should have been me! Gary’s death is on me!” She screamed with fresh tears running down her cheeks. “He has a family. He has…people waiting for him. And I…I-” her shoulder shook as ripples of sobs gripped her. She covered her face with her hands again, shielding herself away from Sy’s eyes.  

This time Sy pulled her against his chest without hesitation. Liv tried prying herself away from him, but he held her strongly against his body. She gave in soon, burying her face in his chest and soaking his shirt with her tears. He ran his hand through her hair soothing her and shushing her.

“There’s no one waiting for me back home. No one to cry if I die.” She mumbled between her sobs, sniffling and gasping with the onslaught of grief. “Gary had a family, Sy. What will… what will I tell his wife?” She grasped at his t-shirt, desperately trying to cling to the last hope of sanity. 

Sy held onto her like she was the most fragile being on this planet. He tightened his arms around her, wanting to shield her from the world and its sadness. He wanted to take away her pain. He would take it upon himself if he could. Sy rocked her lightly, whispering words of comfort as well as he could. He could not comprehend how bruised her soul was to think no one would cry for her if she died. A cold shiver ran down his spine even thinking about it.

After a long time Sy carefully turned her in his arms. She opened her puffy eyes, fluttering them slightly. “Let’s get you to bed, okay?” He ushered her towards the bed and gently sat her down.  She laid down on her side, curling up in a ball with her hands wound around her chest. He pulled the thin blanket over her, tucking the ends beneath the mattress. Sy caressed her cheeks with his hand, wiping away the tear stains on her cheek. 

He didn’t want to leave her alone. She was vulnerable and had dropped all her guards down. She was too stubborn to ask for comfort, but he could sense she hankered for his solace. Sy understood under the strong-willed demeanor, Liv wanted to be defenseless. She peered at him with half-lidded eyes without uttering a word. 

Kicking his boots off, Sy climbed on the bed to lie beside Liv. He gathered her in his arms, letting her shelter in the bend of his elbow. He pulled the blanket over their bodies, draping an arm over her torso. He entwined his fingers in Liv’s hair, running his fingers along her scalp. Liv dozed off not a moment later, holding him close to her like she was afraid to let him go. 

Sy kept drifting in and out of sleep with every stir of Liv’s body. She whimpered in her sleep in the middle of the night with the onslaught of nightmares entering her mind. Sy whispered words of comfort in her ears, running his hand soothingly over her back. Sloan had returned at the early hours of dawn looking like she hadn’t had a good night’s sleep either. But when she had spotted Sy cradling Liv against his body, she had excused herself and left them alone again. 

***

It hadn’t been easy for her to cope with the loss of her friend. Olivia had watched with tear filled eyes as they had loaded up Gary’s trunk to be sent to base. She had grazed her fingertips over his name tag sending a silent prayer to where he now rested. It was only when the Humvee had rolled out, Liv had caught sight of Sy watching her from his post.

That night she had felt like her entire being had shattered into a thousand pieces. She had lost loved ones before, but watching someone die in your arms, her best friend, had terrified her. She blamed herself for it. 

If only I could have been alert. If I hadn’t failed to save him. If… 

There were so many ‘ifs’ circling in her mind, she laid awake every night thinking what she could have done otherwise.

Sy had decided to give her some space. He had been quiet and allowed her to heal in her own time. She was grateful for that. She just wasn’t ready to break down in his arms again. She was afraid if she let him get too close to her and if she were to lose him too, she wouldn’t survive. 

It had been fifteen whole days since she had last stepped out into the field. Her leg had been healing, her stitches still fresh, for which Sy had ordered her to stay at camp. She had waddled around the compound, finished paperwork for the men and worked out to release the mixture of anger and sadness bunching up inside her. 

She had thought she would be able to handle it but glancing at the hilltop where she had held her dying friend, had brought everything back to her. Sy had looked at her, his eyes covered with his shades, with his mouth pressed into a thin line. He had accompanied them for their mission to receive the food truck, something he hadn’t done before. She had maintained her distance from him, choosing to stay with her own people. It had felt odd being on the ground when she was used to soaring high above everyone else in her chopper.

Back at the camp, her leg throbbed from walking on the uneven terrain. She winced as her hand grazed over the bandage on her sore calf, still hurting from the gash she had taken from the debris. Olivia took in a sharp breath as waves of nauseating pain crashed against her sleep deprived mind. She sat down on the steps of the building, gently massaging her throbbing muscle to ease the pain.

“You okay?” Sy sat beside her on the steps. Involuntarily she felt herself scooting away from him. She wasn’t sure what she was trying to gain from keeping him at arm’s length. He was being gentle, understanding, sympathetic, everything she needed right now. But something stopped her.

“Yeah. Just a little sore.” She refused to make eye-contact with him. 

Sy seemed to have gotten the message as he scooted a little to the side. From the corner of her eyes Liv noticed Sy let out a sigh, rubbing his beard with his hand. It was weeks ago when she had felt his arms around her, locking her in his embrace, making her feel safer than anyone ever could. 

“Are you sleeping alright?” He asked, adjusting his gun beside him.

“Yeah.”

“Are you telling the truth?” His voice was stern, and he turned slightly to look at her. She knew her words betrayed the reality, the bags under her eyes were evidence of her tired, sleepless nights. But even so, she nodded her head.

Another sigh left his lips. “Liv, I know you want to be strong, but you don’t have to go through it alone. I’m worried about you. I want to be there for you.” Sy reached his hand out and placed it over hers. Giving a gentle squeeze he pleaded, “Just let me in.”

Liv allowed herself to glance at him. His eyes were soft, worry marked with wrinkles at the corner of his eyes. He held sincerity in them, a hope that formed a crack in the wall Liv had built around her. 

“Sy,” They were interrupted by his Lieutenant. “We need you in the office.” 

Sy nodded at them, bringing his gaze back to Liv. He gently smiled at her, bringing his hand to her face. “I’m here for you.” He whispered before standing up and walking inside the building. She watched as he strutted towards his office, talking to his Lieutenant and discussing their matter at hand.

That night, Liv stayed awake in her bed. The chatter outside their room was dying out as midnight approached. Sloan was passed out on her bed; gently snoring while being wrapped in her blanket. Liv glanced at the empty bed that had belonged to Sierra. She had gotten severely injured in the attack. In the days Liv had stayed at the camp, she had a SAT call with her comrade about her corporal. Sierra had been sent home after the surgery she had to endure from the bullet wounds. Liv had been relieved to know she was at least alive.

When the lights cut out at midnight, shrouding the camp in darkness, Liv sat up in her bed. Sy’s words kept ringing in her ears. She didn’t want to push him away. She wanted a safe place. She wanted to feel something other than pain.

And so, she stood, outside his door in the dead of the night. She stared at his door, debating whether she should just return to her bed. She wasn’t even sure if Sy was in his room. With a timid knock, Liv stood with her arms hanging by her side. Her heart picked up a pace as she counted the seconds in her head until the door cracked open.

Sy had a scowl on his face when he opened the door, which eased as soon as he noted Liv standing outside his door. He watched her with a softened gaze as she took a step forward.

“Can I stay with you tonight?” Her voice trembled as she spoke. She gulped, fearing he would drive her away.

But he did not push her away. He extended his arm open, tilting his head slightly and a gentle smile on his lips. “Of course.” 

Liv buried her face in his chest wounding her arms around his frame. Sy closed the door, holding her firmly against his body, circling her with his arms. He rested his cheek against her head, letting silence fill in the space that didn’t require words.

Liv could feel it then. Her walls being broken brick by brick by Sy. She felt safe, warmth seeping into her heart as he held her close to him. 

Chapter Eight>

🌟 Series Masterlist 🌟

[darling-i-read-it]

Big Houses

Will Graham x reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: death, spoilers for season 3 finale

Author’s Note: I’m like pretty sure the boys lived through the finale but like who knows and I’m sad now i hope this makes you cry I don’t know i love will graham 

Requested: by anon, Your blog is FUCKING AMAZING I wanna request something sad. Like, really sad. Really, please, make me cry. How you do it, I leave it up to you hahaha it's with Will Graham. Please ^_^  

Summary: the request 

Genre: angst

Song: Hold On By Chord Overstreet

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

(not my gif)

You sat down at the table, looking up at Will. He was slightly annoyed that Jack had dropped in on you and him so soon after you had gotten married but he knew that he needed to go back. He knew that if he said he didn’t want to go back that Jack would make him go anyway. No one could do what he could.

“You have to go,” you told him gently. “I don’t want you to go of course but if you don’t go and another family dies then I’ll have to deal with your emotional aftermath.” He laughed and nodded, walking over to where you sat. He sat down on the table beside where you were sitting in the chair.

“You can handle Dana by yourself?” he asked. You scoffed.

“I can handle our daughter Will. Relax. She’s only two.” 

You and Will had found each other at equally terrible times in each other's lives. You had become terribly codependent on one another. You blamed part of that on the fact that you lived so far away from civilization. But you loved each other terribly and felt that it was probably best to just have each other anyway. You were both happy that way, especially after Hannibal.

“I’ll be gone only a while,” he promised. You nodded, putting your hand on his hand.

“As long as you call me every five seconds I’ll be okay,” you promised. “I’ll be waiting for you to come home.” 

You never knew how long you could be waiting. You gave him a kiss goodbye and felt a part of you leave with him. You never really wanted him to leave but you knew that he had to.

He called you every single day, twice a day sometimes just to update you and tell you and talk nonsense to your daughter. So that call wasn’t different than any other day.

“We think we know who the Red Dragon is,” Will said. He sounded tired. You just wanted to hug him and kiss him.

“Well that’s good isn’t it? That means you can come back to me soon,” you said happily. The dogs were perched, knowing who you were talking to. “And the dogs and Dana. I think they’re getting sick of me.” He laughed dryly on the other end but it seemed distracted. “What’s on your mind?” you asked quietly. 

There was a beat of silence.

“I’ll tell you all about it when I get back.” 

You nodded, leaning against the wall where you were standing in the kitchen.

“I miss you,” you whispered.

“I miss you too. I love you so much,” he said and if he had never told you the truth before he was telling it then. If nothing else, he loved you. That comforted your conflicted heart.

“I love you too.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow.”

And then he was gone. 

You spent the rest of that night as though nothing was wrong. To you nothing was wrong. You were just spending the time with the dogs, pushing the worry for Will out of your mind. You got a call the next day and picked it up hurriedly, nearly falling over yourself.

“Will! Oh my gosh you should have seen what Peanut did-”

“Mrs. Graham?” 

Your breath caught in your throat. That was the voice of Jack Crawford. It was unmistakable. You grabbed the wall beside you and leaned against it.

“Y/N?” Jack asked again and you forced yourself to answer.

“Yes?” Your voice was so weak. Your vocal chords were about to shut down. Jack and you weren’t friends. He wouldn’t just call you unless Will couldn’t call you. You forced yourself to think of the best case situation. Maybe he had been hurt but not badly. Heck, maybe he was in jail that would be better than what your mind was screaming at you.

Jack took a deep breath.

“Maybe you should come to Toronto,” he said gently. You shook your head.

“Why?” You were past the point of any more sentences that extended past one word. Jack let out another sigh and by your count that was two in a much too short of a time period.

“I was hoping to do this in person.” 

“Jack.” 

“Will and I were going to get Hannibal to get the Red Dragon. Hannibal escaped and took Will to a home up by the cliffs last night that it seems he owned.”

He paused.

You sat down on the floor.

“Will and Hannibal went over the cliff with severe wounds from a fight with the suspect.” You put your hand over your mouth. “Neither of them survived. I’m so sorry.” 

You couldn’t answer him. You hung up the phone and sat and threw it across the room out of anger. You opened your mouth to scream but all that came out was a frustrated squeal. The sobs came next, heaved and dry. 

The dogs came to your aid quickly, weighing at your cries. You didn’t even have the heart to tell them that the Will was dead. They would spend their lives thinking he was just taking a very long trip, missing their dad. You put your head in between your knees and your head raced.

You couldn’t face the house. It seemed too big now, lifeless. 

You would have to plan a funeral for him. The only man that you loved and you were going to have to find a coffin to put his body in. Would you put his glasses on? Pick out a suit that he hated but looked good in? Did they even find a body that you could look at?

Did he even look like your Will anymore?

Or was he disfigured, bloody, broken.

Dead.

There was a cry from the other room and you let out a heaving breath. You forced yourself to get up and drag your body to the nursery. You looked down at the crib, Dana laying, crying as well as though she knew exactly how you felt. You looked into her eyes that were really Will’s eyes.

She stopped crying slowly as you just stared at her, all motor functions seemingly broken. She was still babbling but now she had stopped crying.

“Da,” she said, an angry look on her face.

You collapsed on the ground having no heart to tell her that her dad was dead.

And that you told him to go.

[moon-writings13]

Hold On (Stiles x Reader)

Hold On (Stiles x Reader)

By: @moon-writings13

Author's Note: This is based on the song 'Hold On' by Chord Overstreet and my own dark mind.

 WARNING: THIS IS EXTREMELY DARK AND EXPLICITLY GOES INTO SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND HAS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT!!! If this triggers you DO NOT READ IT.

It's also open ended and not beta read, no one but me has read the entire thing. Tell me if I missed anything and I will gladly go back and edit the warnings. Also there is no planned sequel but if it's asked enough I may just write one.

*3 person point of view*

He couldn't believe what she was saying, he thought they were friends, he thought she understood that this had to be kept secret.

"You're not listening to me Stiles! I'm just saying that Danny and Lydia deserve to know the truth, at least part of it. They're wrapped in this mess too, poor Lydia thinks she's going insane and Danny their friend." She paced around the table as she spoke." If something happened to me and I thought I was crazy but you knew I wasn't and you didn't tell me Stiles I'd be broken. And if Scott and I weren't telling you about something that was hurting us, you would do everything in your power to find out."

"That's different-"

"How is that different Stiles-" She stood still and glared at him-" tell me how is that different from us?"

She took a breath, stood up and gathered her things, she tugged her purse over her shoulder and zipped up her hoodie.

"Y/n" He reached for her, and she stepped back.

"I'll see you tomorrow Stiles, I think we both need to cool down, clear our heads a and talk with Scott, Deaton and maybe even Derek." She kissed his cheek and walked to the door, her y/e/c shining with sadness and anger. "We've been through a lot these past few weeks, we need a break before someone says something they'll regret."

Come the next day Stiles was looking everywhere in school for y/n, he couldn't find her anywhere, sure she was often sick but he had a sick feeling in his stomach. Every time she was out it felt wrong, who else did he have to talk about Star Wars, geek out and have his hoodies stolen from, he didn't know what he would do without her and her shy smile.

"Don't worry Stiles, she probably was a migraine and will be back tomorrow." Scott patted Stiles' back as they walked down the hall.

"I don't know Scott, something feels off-"

"Why don't we visit y/n after school, that way we make sure she's fine and there's nothing to worry about."

*Reader's Pov*

You were curled up in a ball, clutching your head in your hands. "Why can't this all just stop? It hurts so much, I can't do this any more! Just make it stop-" you sunk onto your knees hoping the pressure will make your head stop exploding-"there's nothing left for me, no one needs me, I'm not wanted here. I'm not good enough."

You went into your bathroom, locked the door and gazed into the large vanity mirror, then leaned against the door, curling up again.

 'No one wants you-' her mind screams- 'Stiles only pretends to put up with you, Scott forgets you exist half the time the rest he just ignores you. You never had lasting friends before them, why should that end now? Face it you're just a waste of space, you're a dumb, annoying, ugly, awkward, useless waste of space. No one cares if you live or die, so why don't you just die y/n, you're not wanted or needed just die and you won't feel the pain any longer.'

You get up from the bathroom floor against the door and rummage around the drawers and find a blade. Slowly but deeply, you cut your wrist. 'Maybe now it will all be over'

You black out for a while, you don't know how much time has passed when you hear your front door open, when you hear them, you know what they are going to do, try and save what had been broken long before you met them. Hopefully it was too late for help.

You hear them faintly from upstairs, "Stiles, ...I smell blood, it's fresh, Y/N?!?!"

"Blood?!?! HOLD ON Y/N WE'RE COMING!"

You heard them run up the steps, you heard a faint in 'here', likely from Scott. You just wanted it all to be over with the pain, your emotions, everything. 

When the door burst open you knew they came too fast to stop to you, even as you were blacking out. Your body felt cold against the tile when one of them pulled you in, why would either of them do that? Scott can hear a heartbeat in your house no matter where he was, and Stiles knew that, so why would either of them do that.

"PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME Y/N! Please don't leave me." Stiles was, crying? Why was he crying, there's nothing to be sad about.

'It's almost over, finally.' You thought, a small smile etched on your lips.

"Come back y/n, I still want you, I still need you, just comeback sweetheart." Stiles grabs your hand, while Scott finishes his 911 call. Scott grabs your other hand, both are putting pressure on your bleeding wrists.

"I swear y/n, we'll make this right, you're my little sister. The one I've always wanted so come back." Scott was choked up from the sound of his voice, but you knew it wasn't the truth this was his way of lessening his guilt and trying to make you feel wanted.

You heard sirens approaching, you couldn't even move to react. Then you heard a whisper you had always wanted to hear, but knew you never would. "I love you y/n, I've loved you since the day I met you, hold on y/n. I still need you."

\\ Time Skip 1 month later //

You looked at the unconscious form next to you, it felt wrong to see Stiles so silent and still. You drove down the highway towards the hospital, hoping that Stiles' condition wouldn't worsen before you could get him help. You felt chilled to the bone after the fight you just witnessed, Gerrard was a sick bastard. Torturing Stiles, Boyd and Erica, while you were slumped on the floor only able to get them all out and into a car after he left. You got the betas' into your room and texted Derek their location telling him they were hurt. Now you had to focus on getting Stiles to a hospital.

The drive seemed to be too slow, you needed to be there already. You drove to the emergency entrance and yelled for help. "HELP! MY FRIEND HAS BEEN SERIOUSLY INJURED AND IS UNCONSCIOUS."

A nurse approached me, "Please ma'am he's in my passenger seat just help him, please."

I watched helplessly as he was put on a stretcher and paced as they checked his vitals. 

"Please don't leave me Stiles, I can't make it with out you. Come on Stiles, hold on, I still need you. You can't leave me, I swore I'm going to love you all my life, hold on still I need you." You curl up in the waiting room chair knowing they won't let you follow him. 

You knew you can't let Stiles die, he had become your anchor since you woke up in the hospital. Without him you had no strength left, you just wanted to hear him say what he said the day you were discharged from the hospital 'Come on baby let's go home. Come on I'll take you.' You needed Stiles to live, you didn't want to live without him.

Tagglist: @samslave @grimreaperlover11 @bluetree76 @bisexualmage @dylinski @writingsbychlo

Tentative adds: @helllucifer @dream-in-charming