#((Did I cry while writing the 2nd portion? I plead the fifth))

[queenharumiura]

👍👌 ;)

[👍👌 ask the mun what they think about portrayals/you (the sending mun)] ||Accepting|| @voraxiia

Let's see... my opinion on your muses/portrayals... can't speak on portrayals because they're all OCs, so it's not like I can judge portrayals based off accuracy by any means, but I certainly can say a thing or two about the characters themselves-- I can try to, anyways.

From recollection, the muses of yours that have appeared on my blog are: Xiao Yao, Dalbar, Miceli, and Luca in order of least interaction to the most.

Xiao Yao isn't on your current roster list, and this was like 4 years ago so unfortunately I don't really remember much about him aside from the fact that he was tall and blond so Haru mistook him for Dino from behind kekeke.

Dalbar seems to be a cute lil dude. A lil quiet, but I do have a certain soft spot for that //motions to some of her silent/less talkative muses. He gave me the feel of an obedient guard/attack dog or something. I feel like he's just someone who would grow on me because like-- he might be the same height as me, and he just seems to be a good natured lil dude. Ignore the fact he's an assassin, HE GUD BOI!

Miceli-- my immediate thought when I think about him is: GRRRRRRR what kind of evollll will he invoke on Haru this time? Is he going to be mean to her and say something sarcastic? Maybe he'll just piss her off somehow gr grrrrrrr. Of course, this isn't to mean that I dislike him, I find him fun. It's amusing having someone who irritates Haru in the Varia verse- and that's mostly anyone. Miceli is starting to grow on her though with the repeated interactions and such. He may be rude to her at times, by saying sarcastic things, but he has moments of showing some level of interest/concern for her? Though, Haru can tell that he's not really interested in her in a way that matters. She gets the feel that he has interest in the way that a scientist does when performing an experiment and something goes wrong and he goes ??? I can relate. //Sad and annoyed chemist noises. As his lil bio blurb says, he is a mysterious one, and the air of his mystery is maintained well. It's a lil harder for me to get a grasp on him as a character, and I think that's what makes it interesting and yet difficult to write with him at times, as I'm not really sure who he is to understand him kekekek. A fun puzzle!

Luca, MY SWEET BOI. WHO I BASICALLY HAVE PARTIAL CUSTODY OVER AT THIS POINT. I adore him very much. MY LIL BBUUUUU!!!! I do know that he's a pretty complex kinda guy and that he has his... issues, but he does do his best! He's been through things and I just want to give him a BIIIIIG hug! He's not allowed to get hurt! The only kinda pain I'll accept is forehead flicks and 'oh look I just killed Haru/Ravein because I wanna see the world burn!!!' 8D Alas... Blaise is a coward and won't let me hurt Haru/Ravein (1000% joking). I think i've seen him absolutely lose it maybe once or twice in the years that we've known each other and I enjoyed it thoroughly. Ehehe~ It's my secret aim to not only get to know him better through interactions/memes but to also make him snap again. I LOVE to see variation in behaviors, so making him snap is a treat. Of course, I still love gud boi Luca who is a pair with the other 'dumber' Ravein. Haru truly has so much to deal with whenever the trio gets together kekw. He is the only one aside from Tenka's Bel and my OC Ravein that Haru feels comfortable with. She's actually affectionate towards all 3 and cares for them. Anyone else, it's just Eh- you exist and I don't really care for you much. He just has the kind of personality that meshes well enough with her that it sparks her protective instinct and the doting energy that Haru has to have regardless of the verse. I love him for that.

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How I feel about Blaise--

HELLO MY SWEET!

MY DARLING BLAISE!

We've known each other for years now and though interactions have been on and off during those years, we did still talk OOC quite a bit. So, I feel like, I'd be comfortable in saying yeeeee we friends outside of RPC.

Time differences are truly the bane, however. We both work, and with the field that you're in, it's understandable that you aren't always online or have the bandwidth to talk much.

STILL! The moments you are able to sit down and talk, you've always been just the sweetest lil bean.

I don't think I've ever admitted this to you before--- but better late than never AMIRITE? So we've been mutuals with each other for quite a while now even if it was rather on and off. From my recollection, we were mutuals but didn't really start interacting with eachother until a while into our friendship, likely due to schedules being really busy and what not.

It was also a time when you kept jumping from one blog to another blog so it was a lil hard to keep up with you at times. STILL, the main point is regardless of how many times you've jumped blogs (and you and I both know there's been a number of that over the years), you always did follow me consistently and that's always meant a lot to me.

I've hinted at things here and there in meme answers or conversations i've had with people but I've never actually sat down and spoke about it. I've come extremely close to quitting KHR RPC twice. The first time was when I first joined the RPC (back in like 2014-2015) and it was just... a time. I was feeling really discouraged and there were... incidents that occurred that really hurt me. I'd feel like such a waste of space, or that no one actually cared. If anyone did, it was because of the friends I had (I somehow got along with the Hibari's of the fandom lololol sigh).

Both of them aren't really online anymore but Emi/Emiko and Kiril were the two who I stuck around for. Both of them consistently stayed by my side and enjoyed writing with Haru. They both consistently wrote with me whenever they were able to and enjoyed indulging in my shenanigans. Both of them have left the KHR RPC for a while now.

I came close to leaving again like... a little bit before or at the very start of the pandemic time. We were ALL going through it, honestly. We were all struggling, but it was around that time when the KHR RPC was really really small and I'd gotten out of a really bad time with an RP group that left me with a bit of trauma that took me years to process and get over.

It was hard, because I was going through panic attacks somewhat frequently, and I would occasionally get anon hate- which obviously- isn't very conducive to me conjuring the desire to stick around.

The actual point of all this, is that you're actually one of the reasons why I stuck around. Even though you were struggling and you were having a hard time with life and feeling insecure/unwanted/unneeded/etc you were still trying. It was in a way uplifting to see the fact that you were trying hard even if things were a struggle. You would also talk to me and were in general very kind. I think around this time is where you were really jumping around blogs a lot (I think you were avoiding someone or something like that), but again you still consistently followed me on whichever blog you migrated to.

It really truly meant so much to me at the time when I was feeling so godawful. My old job really-- it was a time. I wasn't in a good place mentally and emotionally. It was you and Emi (the other Emi who is on heartsglass now) who were the reasons I stuck around the 2nd time I got REAL CLOSE to quitting RPC. It may not seem like much, but I always appreciated the fact that you both would follow me, like my OOC posts and sometimes leave replies.

It may seem like such a small and simple thing, but a lot of my OOC posts go unseen. It was quite often that I wouldn't get any likes on my OOC posts or replies. It was exceedingly rare for me to even get asks for memes. I don't think i've mentioned it really but that's the other reason why I don't like memes. Aside from the fact I have trauma associated with the inbox that i'm healing from, I have the mindset of 'no one is going to send in because I write boring responses lol why do I bother reblogging memes lolololol'

But you especially would surprise me by sheer coincidence on the days I was feeling down with a like, a reply, or a meme ask. Emi was the same. By sheer coincidence you both would be a notification on the days I'd think 'maybe I should delete because no one will notice when i'm gone'.

I've never admitted it to you both, but you both are the reasons why I stuck it through during the pandemic years when I was struggling so hard mentally. It's the small stuff that can mean the world to someone.

So whenever I'm in your replies saying that I care for you, love you, and just in general love seeing you on the dash-- EVER, I truly mean it. You're existence made a big impact on this blog by the sheer principle that you helped me have hope that I can exist on this platform and be appreciated.

This is probably the reason why I'm so attached to both Luca and Emi, because idk... I just feel like both of those OCs mean a lot to the both of you and so I just instinctively latched on. Like I imprint the love I have for the both of you onto those muses AHAHAHAHAHHAAHHAAH. I'm being real sappy.

So you know, TLDR: Thank you for existing. Without your existence, I wouldn't be on tumblr today. Anyone who enjoys writing with me now has you and Emi to thank for me not quitting during the pandemic years.

Thanks for everything and I truly just love seeing you on the dash ever. It makes me so happy to see you continue to try.