#((Crim's just still really depressed))

[crimsonknightly]

https://www.tumblr.com/crimsonknightly/764264615347634176?source=share

Something to ask Luci and con for when they come back methinks 🤭

Maybe we can hold off those thoughts until my partner is not dead???

Holy crap.

[liliallowed]

Is the original lv triangle still canon? Like when Y/N had a crush on the Player and the Player didn't have much interest in them other then using them as a way to piss off dust?

Is it like a different timeline or somethin?

short answer? no! it's no longer canon!

I think it really depends on first impressions.

if they met dust when he was in a bad mood, they'd see crimson in a better light cuz they saved them. but to answer your question no. it's not Canon anymore. in that scenario dust would just be chasing after y/n for the funs which... is extremely out of character.

this LV triangle was just an idea I had in response to someone else's take on dust being a stalker. (they guys to depressed to currently bother even stalking love interests tbh)

and I have nothing against dust being a stalker the guy probably keeps tabs on a LOT because of his reset paranoia. I just feel like, even with a crush he wouldn't let himself indulge? like, he'd probably think he doesn't even deserve to be near his crush or LOOK at them. cuz that's how much he'd hate himself for the thing he's become. he CAN stalk a love interest but, it'd be more like a daily check up on them rather than digging up personal info.

being their quiet shy shadow... and he wouldn't really get too involved or bother with finding out every detail about their personal life. unlike crim dust isn't an obsessive lunatic high off power.

it may have been like that but I don't like portraying dust as a cliche stalker yandere. he CAN be like of course... when he's either tracking y/n to kill them or tracking crimson. but the possessive "you're mine" stuff? that's more crimson's style. dust just wants to take crimson down. he doesn't associate LV and love together like them not unless he's already in a relationship he has to destroy.

so in conclusion? he might have not been in love with y/n to begin with then crimson saves them and he's just gonna shrug it off.

he won't kidnap his love interest. unlike your average yandere, he doesn't give himself any space to even enjoy another persons company knowing death just follows wherever he goes.

[samasmith23]

It’s such a genuinely depressing situation…

Courtney even accused me personally of not getting the point about Lily’s bad media takes being irrelevant to the conversation when I posted this snarky comment in the chat of her livestream railing against Sai when she described Revolutionary Girl Utena as less relevant than Steven Universe (I also replied to someone else about not having watched SU and being more into She-Ra, Gravity Falls, and The Owl House anyways...):

I was simply just trying to add onto Court's comment about Utena being less relevant than SU (albeit in the form of a snarky joke)... I didn’t think that I was “missing the point.”

Everything went wrong after that though. Courtney accused me of both “missing the point” and being “authoritative” (because I tried to run defense for Ant & Crim in her earlier community posts earlier that day) even though I was trying to be supportive to her, and when I tried to defend myself and apologize for making a snarky joke when it was inappropriate of me to do so, Courtney and her chat accused me of “not understanding consent” simply because I was repeatedly being told to shut up when I kept apologizing & trying to explain that I was on Courtney's side and wasn't misunderstanding her point.

I screwed up back then and while I do still believe Courtney, and hope that she gets justice against Lily, her recent actions have left a really sour taste in my mouth and I sincerely believe that she needs to take some time away from the Internet for the sake of her mental health…

Okay if you're going the leave Lily alone route then fuck off and delete your blog. I see why Courtney hates you people.

What are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere? I never said I was.

You people can not read.

Supporting people moving on is not me or anyone else supporting them leaving saying we're leaving too and people do other things with their blogs. They don't have to delete to move on.

[ocw-archive]

A League of his Owen - Time Out New York, March 20, 2002

Time Out (New York) March 20, 2002 Oscar-nominated Owen Wilson doesn't just star in the delightfully offbeat 'The Royal Tenenbaums'- he co-wrote it with his old college pal Wes Anderson. We caught up with him at the Berlin Festival. Where's my food? There was some hot food here just a minute ago. . . ' Owen Wilson has barely entered the Berlin hotel room before he's embarked on what looks like a full-on celebrity strop, sending his PA into a tizz. Don't they know he's Hollywood's flavour of the month, having posted back-toback box-officehits at either end of the intellectual spectrum?

If knuckle-headed flag-waver 'Behind Enemy Lines' wasn't enough, he went on to co-write and co-star in the delirious ensemble that is 'The Royal Tenenbaums', Wes Anderson's superb follow-up to 'Rushmore'. Their screenplay has landed Wilson and Anderson with their first Academy Award nomination, and the actor is already down as an Oscar-night presenter. A former boyfriend of Sheryl Crow's, Wilson looks like a hunk of old-style cowboy glamour alongside his bespectacled, bookish, Manhattan-based director, though Anderson is as much a son of Texas as Wilson (quite literally, Texas being Mrs Anderson's first name) - the pair met on a Texas University playwriting course in 1987. Wilson, however, is a Lone Star guy straight from central casting, all blond hair and easygoing charm in his open-necked shirt - a33-year-old, less excitable version of Dennis Hopper, his fascinating triplebroken nose the result of a high-school gridiron mishap. His eyes, however, are more campfire-red than baby-blue - he's only just landed in Berlin (where 'Tenenbaums' is in competition at the festival) after a transatlantic flight that's left him with strep throat, so his voice is even slower and quieter than usual. Wilson's dustbowl drawl stops him from straying too far into J-Lo territory. And, calming down as he settles on a well padded sofa, Wilson's clearly still acclimatising to his first 24 hours as an Oscar nominee. 'I've gotten used to it, ' he says, sounding shellshocked and not at all used to it. 'I think it's really exciting, there's a nice symmetry to Wes and I meeting in a writing class, and now all these years later we're going to the Oscars together because of something we've written. 'But everything happens so gradually, ' he marvels. 'It's only looking back I go, "Wow, we were on the verge of failure back there". "Bottle Rocket" almost didn't get made, and you think: Jeez, what would have happened to us?' Anderson's directorial debut was a deranged heist caper, dominated by Wilson's unusually hyperactive turn as the insanely overambitious wannabe-crim Dignan - younger brother Luke co-starred as his accomplice. Despite bombing in the US (it's never been released in the UK), 'Bottle Rocket' proved an effective calling-card for the Texas trio, paving the way for 1998's unclassifiable high-school comedy-romance 'Rushmore'. But 'Tenenbaums' is the first time the ticketbuying public have shared the critics' enthusiasm for Wesworld. The film zooms through 30 years of an over-achieving Manhattan clan headed by shyster lawyer Royal (Gene Hackman) and his archaeologist wife Etheline (Anjelica Huston), who raise a family of geniuses in a stylised, almost fairy-tale New York: tennis champ Richie (Luke Wilson), financial whizz Chas (Ben Stiller) and playwright Margot (Gwyneth Paltrow). But at the height of the children's success, Royal walks out - resurfacing 20 years later, supposedly at death's door, supposedly desperate to have a family again. The kids - now depressed, neurotic adults - aren't so keen. Owen Wilson is Eli Cash, their next-door neighbour and regular house guest, who dresses in cowboy duds and writes Cormac McCarthy knock-off novels set in the Wild West. According to Wilson, 'Eli's got the insecurity of somebody who doesn't really feel they're successful, and just pretends to be, so he's on drugs and stuff.' Adrift in his mescaline haze, Eli is the latest manifestation of Wilson's established screen persona - in Variety's phrase, a mild and hazy surfer dude. The fact that Wilson almost always writes his own dialogue probably helps. It certainly does the movies no harm, as in the otherwise execrable 'The Haunting', in which his character embarks on a pricelessly leftfield rumination about the Teletubbies. 'The Cable Guy', 'Anaconda' and 'Armageddon' provided further victim roles that got his distinctive features noticed around Hollywood - he stole both 'Meet the Parents' and 'Zoolander' out from under Stiller. Wilson's stoner insouciance proved such a perfect foil for the hyper-kinetic Jackie Chan on spoof western

'Shanghai Noon' the pair are saddling up for a sequel, 'Shanghai Knights'. These Hollywood projects may be lucrative - Wilson reportedly nabbed $2 million for 'Zoolander' and $3m for 'Behind Enemy Lines' - but they gobble up his time: 'With "Tenenbaums", I was in LA and Wes was in New York, so it was just me trying to contribute where I could.' In fact, Wilson didn't write his own dialogue this time: Eli's lines were mostlywritten by Anderson. 'But there's a lot of overlapping between us, which is probably why we have this friendship. There's scenes Wes wrote, but when I look at them it feels like I wrote them.' Nevertheless, the actor's comments suggest 'Tenenbaums' is basically a Wes script with a few Owen touches: 'It's that world Wes creates that makes it standout, ' he says, and when I ask about their next project - their topsecret adventure film set in Mexico and Europe - he says: 'I think Wes has an idea for that.' Anderson's approach is almost obsessively methodical; Wilson retreats behind a more 'gee shucks' approach when quizzed on what the films are about: 'I'll hear someone have an analysis of the movie that never occurred to me , and then I'll use it for my next interview. I'll say, "Well, what we were trying to do was. . ." ' It's a far cry from Dignan, whose Heseltine-style 50-year lifeplan was one of 'Bottle Rocket's' comic highlights. Spooling back to that Texas U, could Wilson possibly have sketched out even a 15-year plan culminating in Hollywood stardom and an Oscar nomination? 'Well, ' he laughs, 'it would have been part of Wes's plan, I think, but Wes thinks bigger than I do.' Thankfully. dot 'The Royal Tenenbaums' opens on Friday.

[undertale-fluffcanons]

I’m not to sure about that I’d like to hear at least a little about your aus mate

a,,,are you sure about that mate??? 

Shadowtale: After the death of Asriel, Toriel blames Asgore for his death and leaves, planning a resistance to overthrow him. normal magic is replaced with much darker magic. Frisk is not in this AU and the kid who takes their place is named Sapphire. The kid has three choices: overthrow the king, defend the kingdom/Asgore, or try for a complete takeover and killing both sides.

Plushtale: Sans had wanted to save everyone from Chara and he did! by teleporting them to someplace safe...however, they were all turned to plushies

FruitTale: (well, my version anyway, I think there’s an au named this but i can’t be certain) all the characters represent some kind of fruit except Sans. he has two! Papyrus is actually a part of the royal guard in this au thanks to Sans, but Pap doesn't know~!

Haikutale: CrimDemon (Deviantart) and my AU everyone can only speak in haikus, and the Underground has more of an Asian-style feel to it. (I have yet to actually finish working on this but i do have ideas)

Apathtale/swap: shared AU between CrimDemon (deviantart) and me An alternative universe where every reset or load the main character endures, the more stoic they will become until they have no emotions left. Leaving them a walking husk of a person. (I hope you don't mind me adding this part Crim!) the other characters are becoming more depressed after each reset/load, though they don't really notice. It affects Sans the most (Apathtale) and Papyrus the most (Apathswap)

Underlight:

there wasn't a war between humans and monsters in the first place, but there is still a little bit of tension between the two races, since monsters can still absorb human souls. Some monsters wish to live underground underneath Mt. Ebott to try and avoid any conflict, but no barrier exists to trap them. Gaster still exists in this AU, but lives underground, and is fascinated by the nature of human souls, so he experiments on 6 human children, and creates Flowey with a mixture of Chara's soul and Asriel's soul.

Sorrowtale: SoloKeyz (deviantart) and my AU The characters, while underground, will have to relive their darkest memory... Basically becoming a living nightmare.. This will stop only if they are freed from the Underground.

Underfame: just as the name suggests, all the main characters are famous for something! Like Sans, obviously, is a comedian, Frisk is a promotional speaker, and Chara is a famous murderer..

LegendaryTale:

Basically everyone is a legendary Pokemon of some kind, I’m still working on this one

Trainerfell:

A fell version of Trainertale (I even have teams for the characters)

Trainerswap:

A swap version of Trainertale (I also have teams for these characters) 

[crimsonbluemoon]

Cherry, sapphos, and plush?? (Also, keep up the amazing work, Crim!! Love ya and Libahunt!)

Cherry - what is your sexuality?

Okay, so this one is kinda hard to explain. I’m straight. That being said, I did date a girl for three years. Yes, we lived together. Yes, we were intimate. Yes, we did everything a normal couple would do. I dated her because I was super depressed from a very abusive male I had been with the year before who had forcefully done some things that messed with me. I didn’t feel safe with men. She felt safe. I know that what me and her had was more than just me hiding from my trauma and trying to be open to new experiences, but in truth, I can only see myself with a man in the future. Some people kinda say because of the abuse I went through in the relationship with her also messed with me. I don’t know what’s really accurate here? So for now, I say straight just to not lead anyone on. 

Sapphos - favorite poet?

I love love love Robert Frost! I find his word so amazing.

Plush - how many stuffed animals do you still own?

I sleep with a teddy bear named Brady! I have other stuffed animals but they’re all up in storage. 

Ask me soft questions!

[beige-eclipse]

Bitty Drabbles 16

(Warning: This drabble contains a snippet of how I sometimes feel when going through a slight depressive episode. It isn’t severe, and doesn’t state anything about the desire to take one’s own life, just thought I’d mention it. At any rate, you should check out @vex-bittys, they’re awesome.)

Today, was not a good day. I woke up, but had no desire to get up. I stayed in bed, just staring unfeelingly at the ceiling. Crim was confused when he awoke. I usually carefully took off my hoodie and placed him in still warm covers when I got up, that way he could sleep in as I went about my day. A quick look out the window showed that it was nearing noon already. Crim looked at me worriedly.

I didn’t have it in me to smile, but I had the decency to sign the word ‘sorry’ to him. He seemed to understand the situation, with what little input he’d gotten, and curled up next to me on the bed. We stared at the ceiling together. Crim turned to me. Seeming to understand that talking was not something I would do today, he started signing.

‘Food?’ he had been fed yesterday, so I know he wasn’t talking about himself. I shook my head. Today was a stay in bed kinda day. I could respect that Crim was there for me, but at the time, I didn’t have anything in me to feel for it.

After a few more hours, Crim slid over to the bedside table and turned on the TV. I looked at it momentarily before resuming the task of blankly staring above myself, the TV turning to white noise. Crim eventually turned the TV back off, noting how nothing seemed to be rouse me.

The sun began to set. I hadn’t even gotten up to turn on the lights, so the room quickly descended into darkness. Crim had gotten more and more worried as the day progressed. He held my hand to gain my attention. Tiny red tears were welling in his eye sockets as he verbally addressed me.

“Beige?” I had enough feeling to react. I put on a small smile that didn’t reach my eyes as I patted his head. I had enough energy for a little bit of conversation.

“Sorry, Crim. I’m fine... or… I will be fine tomorrow. Wanna help me sleep it off?” He wasn’t completely pacified, but he crawled into the pocket of the hoodie I hadn’t bothered to take off. I patted him absentmindedly. “I’m sorry, bud.” I couldn’t explain to him further than that. It was just an episode. They always passed. My feelings would be back in the morning.

- - -

I was right. When I woke up, I was back to normal. I felt bad. Crim must have been so worried. I carefully removed my hoodie and placed him under the covers as was routine. The hoodie would need to be washed later. I took a nice long shower and Crim was awake when I got back to the room, staring at me with a worried expression. I gently stroked his skull.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday, normally I can feel when days like those are coming. It’s nothing to worry about, I’m fine now.” Crim looked at me skeptically and I sighed. “They don’t happen often, ok? You did wonderfully. You were there for me and weren’t pushy about getting me to do things. When I’m like that, it’s best to just let it pass. I’ll get back to normal eventually.”

Crim still didn’t look satisfied but I picked him up and brought him to the kitchen with me. He signed indignantly while in my hands, repeating words like ‘food’ ‘drink’ and ‘toilet’ in questioning fashions. I set him down as I began to prepare myself food.

“I dunno what to say, Crim, I just don’t feel the need to do anything when I’m like that. My motivation goes out the window. The world could be ending and I’d probably just get up to close the blinds if the fires got too bright.” I’d zoned out in my talk and Crim’s expression was horrified. I frantically corrected myself. “Oh, I’m sorry, that was oddly specific! How about this, the next time I get like that, text Jay or Ella, they’ll know what to do. How’s that sound?”

Crim still looked worried, but nodded. I showed him how to operate my phone in detail after breakfast, and he even tested it out by texting Ella, who was ecstatic about the whole thing. Crim was sufficiently distracted, and I was able to fall back into routine, playing video games and watching movies with Crim. Once it was certain that everything was back to normal, he began to relax, but I caught him more than once glancing over at me, as if checking my status. The next time I felt an episode coming, I might need to ask Ella and Crim if they’d be up for a surprise slumber party. He shouldn’t have to see me like that.

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[otakween]

.Hack//SIGN - FINAL THOUGHTS

It’s time for me to move on to the next show and I gotta say, it feels super satisfying to finish my first, completely reviewed show on this blog. I feel as though I got a lot more out of .Hack//SIGN this time by writing down my thoughts after each episode and actually attempting to follow its convoluted plot lines. In the end, I found it to be a rewarding show that would NEVER be made today. To organize my thoughts, here’s a pros and cons list...

Pros:

-Thematically interesting and rich. Lots of discussion about depression/coping mechanisms, online relationships, and the politics of an MMORPG environment. Sometimes things got a little over-serious but the real-world consequences with Tsukasa made most of the drama justified.

-LGBT representation...kinda. It’s kind of hard to see what they were going for with Tsukasa and Subaru’s relationship. It’s very similar to Korrasami where they take this borderline-safe route like “maaaaybe they’re lesbians??” Because of this, I don’t want to praise the show too much. Tsukasa and Subaru are still a super cute couple though.

-Character diversity! Not with race really (it’s Japan so :/) but I really enjoy the huge range of ages in this show and the pure friendships between adults, teens, and kids. It makes total sense in the context of an MMORPG. The unknown aspects of the characters’ true selves also adds a great element of mystery/intrigue to the story.

-Characters acting unlikable. Especially Tsukasa. I love that Tsukasa, the main character, starts out as a total asshole. They definitely repel a lot of people but some people (like Mimiru) recognize their jerkish behavior as a cry for help. BT is also interesting in that she’s a bitter adult with a brutally honest, unapologetic behavior. These are rare personality traits in “good guy” characters in anime and heck, rare traits for a Japanese woman to have. 

-The soundtrack. I’m actually not a HUGE fan of the OST but I recognize that it is really well made anyway. I really like bgm with vocals in it. Also, the OP really grows on you with its Engrish charm.

-Dialogue/Relationship driven show. I feel like I could write an essay on ever character in this show. I can’t say that for a lot of anime where most characters are flat archetypes. I’ve always preferred character-driven to action-driven shows so, this is a plus for me.

-It’s status as part of a multimedia franchise totally heightens the experience of watching it. It would be SO much worse as a standalone. I really enjoyed following Liminality and IMOQ alongside this show, it made it feel like it was on a HUGE scale. I still have some reading to do to get the prequel plot.

Cons:

-Ugly as sin (at times). While the backgrounds are actually pretty spectacular at times these character designs just do NOT hold up. Some of their costume-design is...alright (Subaru, Mimiru, maybe Tsukasa) their faces and hair are pretty...bleh. This is especially true for poor Tsukasa whose face can be expressed as <_________> Also, this is the era where they were still figuring out noses and hair highlights...I’m glad it’s 2017

-Slowest. Show ever. This series needs a director’s cut. It could VERY easily but sliced up into 12 episodes. There were so many episodes where I was like “...nothing happened?” and even more episodes that just seemed like redundant repeats of other episodes! I don’t know why they felt like they had to stretch the show into 28 episodes (...money?) but it hurt it...a lot. 

-Anticlimactic AF. I know this ~comes with the territory~ of being a prequel to a game series but still. Helba deleting a server was the lamest “victory” to a battle ever. 

-Really awkward dialogue. It’s hard to think of specific examples but there were many stand-out scenes where the characters would suddenly forget to talk like human beings. 

-Crim’s voice actor was very wooden and hard to take seriously. That being said, everyone else was very impressive. 

-Limited animation up the wazoo. So many awful close-up shots and still frames masquerading as “animation.” This show deserves to be remade into a shorter series with better animation :/

I give .Hack//SIGN a solid 7 outta 10 for being a unique, immersive show with huge pacing and budgeting issues. 

[canaryatlaw]

So all in all, today was pretty good in a bunch of random little ways, which is cool. Alarm went off at 9:55, took the train to school. I sat next to the cutest baby on the train and he was looking at me the whole time just totally enthralled and it was so very cute so of course I was making faces at him for like half the train ride, haha. Got to school right on time for my 11:30 meeting with my field placement advisor, same one from last semester and my former LARC professor. Of course she's the perfect person for the job because she used to work in the office I work in and knows half the people that are there because of it, lol. We have to do the 3 meetings a semester as required, but at this point we've really talked through most of it so she was just asking me about what tasks they've been giving me and if I had any interesting cases, so I told her about the one I saw yesterday about the girl's whose arm was broken in four places from a "restraint" and of course she was horrified by the prospect and said it would probably be referred to special litigation for a suit against the residential facility, so that made me feel somewhat better about it. But yeah, it was a pleasant little meeting. After that I headed down to the PAD office to hang out and eat some lunch. My plan for this time was to bang out the rest of my LARC assignment, which I figured could take a while. I was debating with myself last night if I should wear or bring gym friendly clothes because Wednesday afternoons is one of my now designated "gym times," but I knew this was gonna take a while and then I had a haircut so I opted against it, but surprisingly the LARC assignment didn't take as long as I thought, pretty much just because I ran up against the word limit pretty quickly, and that's that. I know what I wrote is, objectively, good convincing legal writing, but I don't know if it follows the "formula" we're supposed to use for LARC which irritates me. I would probably put more work into it if it were actually be graded and not just a grade for handing it in, but even so it's not like I slacked off on it, I did put a solid amount of work in, so that's good. I was kind of annoyed I didn't have my gym clothes at that point, but in reality there was other stuff I needed to get done so it was probably good that I had a chance to do that. One of those things was getting the application done for the nonprofit in NYC I would like to intern at over the summer, which was interesting. They just wanted a cover letter, resume, unofficial transcript and writing sample, pretty basic, so I start writing my cover letter and I have to laugh because last year I was like struggling about what to put in a cover letter on applications, but now I literally have so much to say and talk about it was probably the longest cover letter in existence (it was almost the whole page) but I just had a lot to say and I think it was all good things to include. I just had to do the final touches on my resume, like update my GPA and changing my class rank from top 15% to top 10% (which, I have to say, was immensely gratifying). Unofficial transcript I can just get off online, so that's easy enough, so that just leaves the writing sample. They didn't give any parameters about length or anything on it, so I texted my dad and asked him if I should use one of my academic things I've written for LARC or if I should use the school memo I wrote over break, and he was like oh definitely the school memo so of course I went with that. It's like, 4 pages long, which is probably a bit long for a writing sample but I think it's all good. Of course since I was sharing it with a third party I was obligated to change the personal information, so I changed the name of the school to "Anchorage Christian School" because I figured Alaska would give them enough distance 😂 so that was good. It was just a debate between if they wanted like real world application versus the formulaic LARC stuff, and I think they would side on real world, so hopefully that'll work. It felt good to get all of that handled and turned in, since it's been in the back of my head as something I need to do for a while now. As I was getting ready to leave for my haircut, the PAD president came in and asked me if anyone has talked to me about the PAD mock trial team. One of the board members who's on the team sent out an email a few days ago basically as an SOS call that one of their members got injured and wouldn't be able to compete next month, so they needed an emergency replacement. Upon reading it I kind of had a feeling it was going to end up on my doorstep, just because of the experience I have and such, but I didn't do anything about it immediately because they practiced Tuesdays and Saturdays and I have class on Tuesdays, and that's generally a deal breaker, but it still managed to get back to me haha. The PAD president was apparently talking me up to them (he's on the school team) so I sent a tentative email saying I could maybe do it but couldn't do Tuesday practices, and then left for my haircut. As I was going down the stairs to the subway entrance there was a girl coming up and she's like "uh, you may not want to go down there, there's some guys fighting and it's not looking good" and sure enough I just hear two guys shouting at each other and random slamming into random things and such and I was like haha fuck no so I walked to the other end of the block to get in at that entrance cuz I ain't dealing with that shit. Sigh, Chicago. While on the train I got a phone call from last year's PAD president who's now one of their mock trial coaches, but since I was on the train I let it go to voicemail to deal with later. Got to ulta and saw my stylist, who immediately let spill that one of the girls in my class that she knows is pregnant, which I definitely didn't know haha but I'm sure I would find out soon enough. So that was interesting. But yeah, for the rest of it we just did our normal discussions, and we always have really good and satisfying discussions about things that I definitely enjoy. I had her do the same short cut I got in October when I was there last and then just got caught up with shit and let my hair get obscenely long and was driving me nuts so here I was again lol. Towards the end she was telling me that her cousin, who was a freshman in college, had attempted suicide a week before thanksgiving, and then had just attempted again two days ago, which is of course a very sad and difficult situation, and she wanted to hear my thoughts because she knows I'm somewhat of a mental health advocate (or at least I'd like to think I am. It's in my profile so it must be true, right?). Apparently he had been away at college, and after the first time didn't go back, but just started up again with the spring semester a few weeks ago, and he was like really insistent about going back to school which is totally understandable, the stress and the loneliness just kind of got to him, and he was saying things like "I don't want to die, I just don't know how to deal with these waves of depression." I started off by saying that no two people have the same mental health journey, and different people respond to treatment in different ways. I said he obviously needed to get into therapy that would teach him some coping skills for dealing with depressive episodes. He had been inpatient for a few days after the first one and is there again now, but I said if a longer-term inpatient program was available they might want to look into that, or at least some sort of group thing, hopefully among peers (though I imagine finding a group of teenage boys willing to participate in such a thing could definitely be a struggle). And yeah, he obviously wasn't ready to go back to school, and college can be a really big trigger for some people because it's such a life change and they just don't know how to deal with it. And of course I said try to avoid saying anything that would make him feel guilty because he's already overwhelmed with guilt, and to not treat him any different or like he's fragile, because that's not how anyone wants to be treated. She said she would tell her family what I said, so hopefully some of that could be helpful. I told her a little about my work with twloha at college and how so many have such a need for that sort of thing. He's out of school for now though, which is definitely a good move. I feel bad for his parents because I can imagine they're going through hell right now, to almost lose their son but decide to let him go back to school only for it to happen again, and now they're going to be terrified that they could pose him at any point, and I really can't imagine dealing with a child of yours being suicidal, like that has to be so so difficult for a parent, something I definitely didn't realize the extent of when I was younger, but I can see now that if I had killed myself, it would've completely destroyed and devastated my family and like....I'm just really glad I'm still here. Anyway. Left ulta and took the train back to school, heated up my food and headed to class for another session of crim pro. It's been an interesting class so far because the prof is very focused on like wanting to hear our opinions about issues in the criminal justice system and the specific questions she asks, which is cool, but like, means we don't always get into the cases and actual learning haha. Tonight we didn't actually start the cases until after the break when class was half over. She let us go at 8 though, so that was nice. Went home, and I was debating to watch Arrow or Frequency off my dvr, but I ended up being bad and staying up to watch both even though I have to be up at 7 am for work tomorrow. I watched Arrow first though, pretty much just because I was so curious to see what they were gonna do with Laurel/black siren, and it was....interesting. I didn't love it, but that's no surprise. There were some moments and some lines that were very good, but others just kind of fell flat for me. I kept getting stuck between wanting her to actually be willing to reform and become good again, but Oliver's like naive belief that he can make that happen makes me think it's not going to happen, lol, cuz he just makes it seem kind of unachievable, so I guess we'll see what happens there. I liked the Felicity not listening to Oliver just for kicks, haha, and I very much enjoyed the legal intricacies of the Diggle plot, and was quite satisfied with their conclusion there. I am definitely not a fan though of some random ass meta girl who has a sonic scream waltzing in there and just becoming the black canary because like......are you fucking kidding me? We're doing this again? Just stop, stop trying to replace Laurel and either do her justice or move on. You're just forcing comparison now, and there's a very slim chance you're going to beat your original work with Laurel. Like, just LET IT GO already. I do like that they kept the door open for more black siren, and I hope they take advantage of that because I want to see Katie Cassidy on my screen as much as possible. After that I went straight to Frequency, which of course was the season finale, and I was pretty happy with it! I knew they would have to pull something out after last week's conclusion, and I think they did an excellent job setting it up that everyone reasonably thought the deacon was the nightingale, but then were able to pull the rug out at the last minute in a way that's still actually entirely plausible, so I applaud them for not jumping the shark there. I was very entertained by the flipping back and forth and the world changing in the middle of a conversation so that you can't be talking to your mom about her patient because she just died but 20 years ago that is still playing out right now. Like, it's just so good. I felt bad for all the people that kind of became casualties, like Megan and Gordo's dad (poor Gordo, I know he didn't like his dad but no child deserves to have their father shot in front of them). And I knew her talking through the radio when the guy was there was gonna lead to him smashing it, lol, that was pretty predictable. The ending though, when she comes out of the garage and the house isn't lit up, holy shit I was ready to murder someone if they left us on a cliffhanger or just straight up killed her mom, because that would've been all kinds of awful and I really hate when shows legit don't wrap up a story just for the sake of having a cliffhanger. So I was happy to see the conclusion to that. They left it in a good place too that the story is finished, but they still left in the possibility for a second season (I don't think it's been renewed yet?) so I was glad to see that. And yeah, that was my day and I've officially rambled on for way too long here so I'm gonna end it now. Goodnight babes. Sleep well.

[savlistenstomusic-blog]

$UICIDEBOY$ and Musical Therapy

Whacky hair. Face tattoos. Teenagers trying to prove how "hard" they are. The current state of rap has me Whacky hair. Face tattoos. Teenagers trying to prove how "hard" they are. The current state of rap has me devastated. With players like Tekashi 6ix9ine and Lil' Pump active in the rap game accompanied by the recent and unexpected loss of Mac Miller has me thinking: "Is this all I have to look forward to? 'Eskeetit?' WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN!?" Surely you know what I mean. Even if you like these two goofy kids-- which I won't judge, I'm sure they have some contribution to the rap industry, maybe a topic for another blog and some tunes can be catchy-- I feel like the emphasis on meaningful lyricism and complex instrumentals faded away. And ever since Damn by Kendrick Lamar came out in spring of 2017 I've been hungry for enticing and unique beats like on "Lust”.

Sophomore year one of my pretentious hip-hip-head friends turned me onto "shadow-rap", a weird hybrid genre between trap, rap, metal, and horrorcore. He busts into my apartment on a Thirsty Thursday, commandeered my speaker, and blasted "Paris": a hardcore banger from the duo $UICIDEBOY$, one of their most popular tracks off of their 2015 album Now the Moon's Rising. I was hooked. Fire lyrics, clever lines ("switchblade on 'em/Hit them guts like a pumpkin", UGH YES!) hard beats that make you want, no, NEED to mosh, even with the clearly immanent threat of bodily injury. Despite the overtones of male violence and drug use-- their lyrical savagery and beats to shake the house was what I was after.

Ruby da Cherry and $crim, a.k.a. 7th Ward Lord/Spooky Da Scary and $lick $loth/Yung $carecrow respectively, are cousins who came together to make music together in 2014. As indicated by their name, these are some sad ass dudes. Plagued by depression and substance abuse issues, the pair is famously known for their suicide pact: to be enacted if they weren't successful in the music industry by age 30, hence their name. The pair creates hip-hop tracks with heavy horror (DISCLAIMER: not horrorcore, which seems to be a common misconception to many of these articles referencing this group. Re: "STOP CALLING US HORRORCORE" from album Radical $uicide [2016]. Like, do they even listen to $UICIDEBOY$?) overtones and grimy, drug hazed lyrics that make you feel delinquent for even having those words cross your ear drums. One can easily hear their inspiration from nihilist group Misfits along with underground trap, rap and screamo accompanied by attitudes left from growing up in disenfranchised neighborhoods in New Orleans, LA.

$UICIDEBOY$' debut album I Want to Die in New Orleans has been long awaited by their fan base, who sat through several delays and even a dramatic album name change from I Don't Want to Die in New Orleans before its final release on September 7th, 2018.

Since, it's reached No. 9 on Billboard Top 200 albums. Me, starving for new greasy content to be in my dark feels to, had eager ears for this album. Take a listen to it here on SoundCloud.

Ok, so it's not for everyone. Violent imagery laced with an overtone of simultaneous egotism and self-hatred accompanied by almost unintelligible yelling is hard to swallow for the faint of heart. But if you could stomach this, you should hear what they really have to offer.

I actually was able to hold off on listening to this album for the first time, with intention of writing this piece specifically. At first, I was not as hyped for this project. I was kind of disappointed with their previous release "F***ALLOFYOU2K18" which didn't have the same bite as projects like KILL YOURSELF Part XVIII: The Fall Of Idols Saga. I totally wish I didn't feel the same way about I Want to Die in New Orleans, but I do. This album to me demonstrates a move away from their more original and grimy beats and move into mainstream music organization and structure; the duo even drifts into different type of content.

Ruby and $crim seemed to have attempted to make their music more plateable. Previous work seemed to go against the feeding of the industrial pop/rap industry focused on producing the next hot banger rather than music that matters. They even indicate these in even naming one of the songs on the album "F*** THE INDUSTRY".  Claiming to be "the black sheep of the music industry" contrasting to their previous work this album is a watered down version of their essence. The pair integrates more pop structure into their usually unusually structured tracks; catchy choruses and simpler beats like in "NICOTINE PATCHES", "MEET MR. NICE GUY"  and "PHANTOM MENACE" (both total bangers, I'm just unimpressed with their simplicity). However this is seemingly balanced out in "WAR ALL THE TIME", maybe the hardest track on the album.

Despite this, the content of their music seems to have both revolutionized and remained similar to their previous content. What I noticed in this project is the constant reminder of their influence and clout in the rap game in a sort of egotism that we only heard every once in a while from $UICIDEBOY$.

Something I do love about Ruby and $crim is that they are known for their utilization of samples. I noticed right away the "bookends" of samples in I Want to Die in New Orleans, first track "King Tulip" starting out with a commentary on the duo's impact on rap:

They changed so much, you know what I'm saying? How did these two motherf***ers, from New Orleans... How did they change- how did they change music (laughter)

...with the 'answer' of such comment being at the end of "F*** the Industry" given in the form of a eulogy by early underground rapper Bones:

We are gathered here today to remember the lives of Ruby and $crim, also known to many as the $UICIDEBOY$. What they gave to this world while they were here, was unexplainable. You know, we're all here, maybe... Today we can share some memories, walk around, my name is Ricky Kekney. Hey, I'm Ricky, if you don't know me you can come up to me, don't feel uncomfortable. I, I know... I know I give off a stand-offish vibe... I don't feel uncomfortable. We'll talk, come up to me, we'll talk about the boys, we'll celebrate today. Today is about celebrating the lives of two legends. Before we start sharing stories, I would like everybody to bow their head for ten seconds, in remembrance

Wow, right? I'm kind of interested in how much Ruby and $crim self-identify themselves as huge players in the shadow rap genre now that they've blown up more. Although exploring their confidence or even brazen testimony to their greatness a lot more in this album, it is not unchecked. Yeah, they are kind of great at what they do. Ruby even says outright in lyrical break down of "CARROLLTON" that "lyrically, [he] wanted to just like write about swagging out or just bragging about being a piece of sh**" However, all this clout doesn't come without reminder of who the real $UICIDEBOY$ were before the fame: drug users suffering mental anguish. There is a huge dynamic between being the best but feeling the absolute worst, like in "MR. NICE GUY": heartbreak means turning to the bottle and the bar. Even with fame, they are still battling their demons as they describe scenes of violence and using drugs as a crutch of life in pretty much every song. And, well, they're down with their demons. And no doubt, the pair uses their music to voice it.

Despite being on the outskirts of rap, $UICIDEBOY$' popularity seems to have encouraged them to incorporate elements from mainstream pop and rap, like structure and beat, into their previously incredibly niche music. Changing their style to something more tolerable to the masses while retaining their lyrics as an outlet for their own struggles still appeals to their loyal fans. The beat may have changed, but the boys keep their lyrics as a direct line to fans in voicing their troubles and depression as an outlet. I Want to Die in New Orleans holds onto the original content of gory fascination and shunning sobriety while still trying to appeal to a larger audience: maintaining the purpose of their music even with a bit of a facelift.

All in all, this album is a good listen. There were a couple of tracks I could have done without, but if you are interested in any related genre to shadow rap (metal, screamo, trap, rap, etc.,) it is a good gateway album into their music. I appreciate their continued honesty in their words, and the art of personas is definitely mastered by them. I Want to Die in New Orleans displays appreciation for where they've been and anticipation of where they're going in the music industry: but not without the grittiness of their very real pain.

Highlighted Tracks:

NICOTINE PATCHES PHANTOM MENACE WAR ALL THE TIME CARROLLTON

[thismustbetheblog]

Tagged by: @throughechochambers Ta!

tagging: HEY YOU! YEAH YOU. YOU’RE TAGGED SO DOOO ITTT***

***You don’t actually have to it’s cool, whatever like

last:

1. drink: cup of tae

2. phone call: Doctor’s. medical not Who (my social life is off the chain)

3. text message: someone nice, let’s leave it there

4. song you listened to: This Time Tomorrow - The Kinks

5. time you cried: Sunday

have you:

6. dated someone twice: barely dated anyone once

7. kissed someone and regretted it: Yes

8. been cheated on: Who knows

9. lost someone special: Yeah

10. been depressed: Always

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Nopes. I drink like twice a year

list 3 favorite colors:

12-14. pink, ireland green, leinster blue

in the last year have you:

15. made new friends: yes, in work

16. fallen out of love: nope

17. laughed until you cried: all the time

18. found out someone was talking about you: yes, do you want the knife back from out of my back hun

19. met someone who changed you: yes, made me see things differently

20. found out who your friends are: Already knew, trust no bitch (except like the core original squad)

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: no, see above

general:

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: 95%

23. do you have any pets: do moths count? 

24. do you want to change your name: last name for def

25. what did you do for your last birthday: Meal with one of my best friends :)

26. what time did you wake up: Exactly 8.09am

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Making sure I had my Arcade Fire presale code

28. name something you can’t wait for: Arcade Fire!!

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like 2 secs ago.  HEY MOM

30. what is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I wish I didn’t give as fuck as much. 

31. what are you listening to right now:  Curtis Hairston - I Want You. Just clicked on it randomly on YT

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes

33. something that is getting on your nerves: being lonely

34. most visited websites: tumblr, instagram, facebook

35. mole/s: dunno

36. mark/s: dunno tbh

37. childhood dream: being an actor/lawyer/doctor. All at the same time. Not really

38. hair color: medium brown naturally, blonde currently, pink frequently

39. long or short hair: mid length, soon to be shoulder length

40. do you have a crush on someone: yes unfortunately. Damn emotions. Thought you, me and Spock had a pact

41. what do you like about yourself: my figure which has been recently toned thanks to lots of walking and yoga, my brain when it’s being clever

42. piercings: not anymore because I’m too lazy to manage them

43. blood type: the really common one in europe

44. nickname: Azz, Giggles

45. relationship status: ALONE

46. zodiac: taurus

47. pronouns: she/her

48. favourite tv show: changes all the time...maybe...Line of Duty, Car Share

49. tattoos: nope

50. right or left hand: righty, but can do a bit with the left

51. surgery: wisdom teeth under local anesthetic, hard core bro

52. hair dyed in different color: blonde/pink at the mo

53. sport: RUGBY, my life. footie, golf, snooker, bit of tennis

55. vacation: london, manchester, edinburgh and amsterdam next

56. pair of trainers: my metallic ones

more general:

57. eating: just had my dins (chipper chips)

58. drinking: nought

59. i’m about to: read or write or sleep or watch Life on Mars

61. waiting for: something that won’t come

62. want: to be more creative

63. get married: if it feels right but not needed (quick ceremony, heaven knows i’m miserable now as first dance and nandos for food)

64. career: acting hahaha, tv producer

which is better

65. hugs or kisses: both 

66. lips or eyes: eyes for def

67. shorter or taller: taller, I’m attracted to giants. 6′ 2″ or over

68. older or younger: older

70. nice arms or nice stomach: both

71. sensitive or loud: sensitive: loud stfu

72. hook up or relationship: r/s

73. troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

have you ever:

74. kissed a stranger: no

75. drank hard liquor: yes

76. lost glasses/contact lenses: no thank the lordd

77. turned someone down: yes

78. sex on the first date: nope

79. broken someone’s heart: hope not

80. had your heart broken: kinda

81. been arrested: my mother didn’t raise a crim

82. cried when someone died: yes, still do

83. fallen for a friend: emm, kinda

do you believe in:

84. yourself: hahahaahahahaha

85. miracles: nah

86. love at first sight: hell no

87. santa claus: yes, of course

88. kiss on the first date: depends on the date

89. angels: nah

other:

90. current best friend’s name: I have like 10 I consider as besties 4 evs

91. eye color: some people say blue, some say, green, other say grey, I’m like fecked if I know

92. favourite movie: The Sound of Music

[canaryatlaw]

Today was.....kind of odd. I felt exhausted and like I was running crazy all day, but I actually wasn't? Idk. I remembered today that my psychiatrist wanted me to call him after I'd been on the Xanax for like a week to see if I'd noticed a difference, as I should have, and as I remembered I was supposed to do this I realized I don't think I've actually seen much of a difference. I still feel anxious pretty much all the time and can't stop my mind from racing even when I'm trying to relax, there's always something I need to get done. I'm doing 2 mg of Xanax a day right now (1 at morning and 1 at night) and he wrote me the prescription to use as needed so I can increase it if needed. If I'm remembering correctly, at the time I accidentally went off it I was taking 3 mg a day, I guess I was just hoping I would be doing better by now and wouldn't need that much. Idk, it's weird to be experiencing symptoms of mental illness like anxiety and feeling exhausted and like something in my mind just isn't right without them being accompanied by the overwhelming and soul-sucking dread of suicidal ideation constantly occupying your mind. Because I pretty much consider myself "recovered" at this point. Like I'm SO much better than I was 4 years ago. But I'm still having symptoms that just don't feel like they have a causal connection to my life, because there's nothing that would be causing that in my life- I mean at least as far as the depression, there's obviously plenty to cause anxiety. But I don't really feel depressed at all so I don't really know if that's what this is??? Like my brain felt weird when I was without my meds for a few days but for the most part it's been fine with happiness, just tending to get overwhelmingly exhausted, but with me that could have a lot of causes (see: my abysmal high school attendance record). Sigh. I didn't mean to get into all of this right now, it just kind of came out. I think that's most of what I have to say, though. So, today. Alarm went off at 9:45, and the first thing I notice is its gross and rainy and hell no am I gonna walk 20 minutes to the train in the freezing rain cuz I fucking hate rain, so I consult google maps to see which of the alternate routes I know of would be quickest, and decide on the one that takes my normal bus route to a close by train station of another line that I can then take to the loop. So that worked out fine and I got to school in plenty of time to prep for the panel. Oh, I left out that I woke up to a text from my across the hall at work friend saying she was like ridiculously sick and couldn't come, so that sucked but oh well. After not too long DCFS guy comes over with the PD we were able to get from delinquency, so we hang out and talk for a while as things get set up more and we get food before the panel. So, we ended up having 4 panelists, which worked well because we initially felt overbooked at 6, but 2 had to cancel haha so that ended up being good. We had the PD, DCFS guy, an adoption attorney, and a child rep that does work in domestic relations (divorce/custody court). And of course I was the moderator, so I got ask my questions and they went really well! Everyone had good and varying answers, and even gave some well-reasoned answers to my thrown in at the last minute question about if they could change one thing about the system they work in what would it be, because of course I am so very reform minded, lol. We got to open the floor up a little at the end, and the panelists talked about the last question for like 10 minutes and I was like watching the clock knowing the 1L's all had to get back to class at 1 so as soon as they finished I was like OKAY whoever needs to leave go and we can chat with the panelists if you want to stay, lol. So that felt good overall. I stayed and talked to DCFS guy about some random stuff since he had some time before going back to work since this was an official work sanctioned event for him, lol. So that was cool. When he headed out I switched over to the PAD office for a bit and did something on my computer for a little, I don't even remember what, before going to meet my LARC prof for our individual conference. It wasn't all that helpful because it tended to be just more generalized feedback, and like I know what I'm doing its just a matter of doing it in the form they want. But I got my argument section back and graded so between that and my graded trial brief I should have some good basis to go off when I finish off the appellate brief this weekend hopefully. That's the idea, anyway. After that I went back to school and was gonna go to the PAD office but instead found my spring break friend, summer job friend, and the girl who's gonna be the president of the child and family law group with me next semester chilling in one of the rooms, so I hung out with them and actually got around to reading most of the cases for crim pro tonight. It was nice, even if I still felt exhausted at the end of the day. And I ended up ordering Chinese food because I felt like it before class lol and they had these mango and shrimp egg rolls that are possibly the craziest and most amazing things I've ever tasted. Crim pro was fine, just went over the few cases, and I interjected two short comments on different aspects of police behavior and their consequences (one of which was in result of a wrongful conviction that was affirmed by the fucking Supreme Court before later getting DNA exonerated that besides this man spending so much of his life in prison, there was a fucking child rapist freely roaming the streets). She then told us about how she's gonna like speed through the rest of the cases at the next two classes, and then let us go at 6:45....? Idk, I feel like she wasn't prepared for them or something, although I've discovered when she recites the "facts" of the case she reads almost word for word off the quimbee briefs I've been looking at, lol. But hey, I'll take it. It was still rainy and gross so I tried the alternate route again but with slightly more anxiety this time because I don't like relying on buses at night because, basically, the suck. We end up getting off the train literally right as the bus is pulling up to the stop (like I saw the bus as soon as I got off the train and had to run down two flights of stairs to get to it) and I just made it but like the driver was being rude and I had to like, bang on the door when there were like 4 other people with me trying to get on.....like calm down lady it's not gonna kill you to wait another 2 seconds. So that kind of ticked me off but I was at least glad I caught the bus. Got home and decided to watch the episode of Blindspot that had pretty much just finished airing and OH BOY do I have feelings about this episode. I already did a massive Twitter rant about this (and I mean massive) so I'll just give you the highlights but between this plot and Chicago Justice's (both nbc shows, fyi) treatment of a foster kid earlier this week I had just about had it. The kind of plot Blindspot did tonight was awful because it adds to the idea that foster parents are bad people who are only in it for the money, and that is overwhelmingly false. Are there crappy foster parents in the system? Of course, I spent all of last semester tracking them down and getting the kids removed from their homes. But the vast, vast majority of foster parents are wonderful, loving people who are sacrificing so much for a child they may very well have to say goodbye to some day. And when we are already at such a critical shortage of foster parents, this kind of portrayal is so damaging to that image. It only serves to add more stigma to the idea of foster parents are being corrupt and "foster child" practically being synonymous with "problem child" in some peoples heads, another convention that needs to end. The whole thing just really, really got under my skin. I mean, I know better than anyone that this kind of shit (okay I mean, this was obviously an extreme example, but similar types of mistreatment I mean) does happen, but broadcasting it as one of a very few portrayals of foster parents most people are gonna see is damaging to the idea of being a foster parent and hurts the chance that they would consider being one in the future, and that's just such a major problem for me. I obviously have a lot of feelings about this, and I feel like I should find some higher up at nbc to write to about it, other than tagging the network's account in my Twitter rant. But yeah, the whole thing just really pissed me off. Other than that though, my only other comment on the episode was that I was really sad to see Nas go, even though I knew it was inevitable as soon as she got involved with Weller, because the show has made it abundantly clear that Kurt/Jane is endgame and anyone who interferes with that isn't gonna last. But I really couldn't give a crap about her and Kurt's romance or whatever, she was such a great character in so many other ways and such a fantastic leader that I'm sad to see her character leave. And I mean not all of this is coming from my adoration of Archie as an actress, but she really did a fantastic job with the character that I feel like the show will miss her a lot. Okay, so after that I actually got to watch designated survivor live, which I've only gotten to do a handful of times. And man, this episode was EXCELLENT. Like definitely one of the best episodes of television I've seen from an objective (not fandom based) viewpoint. Like just as a piece of art it was brilliantly done. Admittedly I didn't pay all that much attention to the B and C storylines of Hannah and Aaron's adventures, but they were solid in their own right. But the really just knocked it out of the park with Kirkman's A storyline, like holy shit we're seriously at the point where how can you not be rooting for this character? I loved seeing him prep for the town hall and trying to figure out what he should see and then him in that scene and just being so fucking brilliant. Everything he did in that scene was artistic perfection. I had very real tears running down my cheeks by the end of it, and I have a hard time believing anyone else could watch it and not be similarly emotionally affected (even if you don't cry). Like they used just the perfect amount of personal story worked in there without pushing one issue or over-milking a tragic storyline. Just watching him on that stage and speaking from his heart to that mother was just so incredibly beautiful and I'm sitting there thinking damn, I would give anything to have Tom Kirkman as our actual president right now, lol, I seriously think he would be doing so much better than the current joke of an administration we have. So yeah, obviously I was very impressed with the episode. Kiefer continues to be a spectacular actor, and just shines in this role because he is so very good at bringing out the intricacies of the character, his doubts and fears while still managing to remain a strong leader that the people can trust in a time of such horrific distress. But yeah, obviously very pleased there. And yeah, not long after that I started getting ready for bed and here we are, lol, although 2 hours slipped by somewhere in between (funny how that happens). Big girl job in the morning, and then I'm probably gonna find a Starbucks to chill out and work on my LARC assignment on until small group because I just don't have the physical or emotional energy to go to the kickboxing gym this week, though I have been continuing to do push ups during commercial breaks, so that's good at least lol. Okay I think I'm done here. Goodnight lovelies. Have a good sleep.

[canaryatlaw]

alright it’s past 1 am so I should get writing. today was alright. I woke up to a message that Jess woke up sick and might not be able to record our podcast episode tonight, so that ended up getting moved to tomorrow night. but yeah, I woke up to my alarm at 9:15 and got ready, heading to the bus around 9:45 (I don’t need a full half hour to get ready generally, but it’s always good to have extra time budgeted in in case something goes wrong. There was some serious roadwork going on on the street the bus was going down that caused it not to be in the lane actually by the bus stop, so I had get kind of creative to attract bus driver’s attention, there were two right together and thankfully the second one managed to stop and let me on. I took that a few stops north and then got off and waited for the other bus to take me west, which I ended up waiting for for about 8 minutes, not bad but it was still cold. that’s a bit of a longer ride, but still got me to the office in good time. Didn’t have to wait very long, got called in and basically said everything was good and I just needed refills, which is mostly true. I considered mentioning I’ve been kinda more depressed than normal lately but I know that’s totally situational due to me not having work to do and being alone all day, and honestly at this point I’m very, very hesitant to change my medications at all because last time we tried that it turned into a dumpster fire very quickly that left me unable to get out of bed most days for an entire month, and I’d really like to avoid that happening again. So that was easy enough. He wants me to try to phase off the xanax somewhat, so I’ve been trying to do that just a little at a time because I have issues sleeping without it. So that was a good appointment at least. Took the two buses back, ended up waiting for the second one for like 10 minutes this time which was not great but oh well. I got home and didn’t want to waste too much time since I had the job interview at 2, so I started doing my make up and then got all suited up and took an uber down to the loop at like 12:30, which gave me plenty of time, so I chilled in the corner bakery next door for a bit until it was time for the interview. I knew going in it wasn’t going to be a very strong prospect because they pretty much only do personal injury stuff and wanted some experience in that, and my experience in that is fairly limited. but we talked about my old job and the stuff I did with my dad and she was basically like “yeah, we’re really looking for someone who has some more substantive experience in the kind of cases we handle” which is totally understandable really but she was very nice about it and said she would hang on to my resume and if she heard of anyone wanting to hire someone with less experience she would pass it on to them, which she obviously didn’t have to do, so that was nice, and she also said I was a delight to interview, so that helped a bit, lol. I did an uber pool home because lazy, when I got home I changed out of the suit and into my comfy clothes again and settled on the couch to watch some of The Americans and work on some research for the podcast episode we’ll be recording tomorrow. Somewhere in that time I got a phone call from a lawyer who I did not immediately recall but we had traded like, two emails, and he was pretty interested in me so we talked for about 15 minutes or so culminating in setting up an interview for Thursday, which I know is an objectively good thing but like....I have so much anxiety about this because now that I know OPG is so close to being a reality I really don’t want to commit to another job and get screwed out of the job I really want. Plus he said to like “come prepared” to talk about how to handle cases because they were really looking for someone who they could hand cases off to and pretty much handle them by themselves, and I’m fairly hesitant to think that’s something I can really do, so that’s pretty anxiety inducing. But I mean I guess we’ll see what happens, if I bomb that part it won’t be an issue anyway, so we’ll see. Tuned into Arrow at 7, interesting episode, sad there was no Laurel  but the other plots were pretty decent, I’m definitely not a fan of Oliver’s “prison friend” so that was pretty creepy and I was mad Dinah got hurt, this better not cost her her canary cry or Imma be pissed. Then there was the whole William thing, not gonna lie when his grandparents showed up and they were like “we’re suing for guardianship” I got really excited and ready to legal geek out about this because like, previously my legal knowledge I’ve applied to the Arrowverse shows has been like, stuff I learned in crim pro, but this stuff is like MY SHIT, this is what I actually do, so I got all excited to legally geek out about it and talk about the burden of proving parental unfitness and how Oliver would probably be found presumptively unfit since he has been convicted of more than 3 felonies which creates a per se unfitness charge....but then that didn’t happen so I was a little sad about that, but I still had fun thinking about it (yes I know that’s not really something most people get excited thinking about, but I like it). And I’m sad we’re apparently losing Curtis, because he was great. As far as the “bombshell” revealed at the end of the episode, I actually got informed of that a few days ago, so I knew it was coming lol. Black Lightning was great, like I loved all of the episode, especially my girls Jen and Anissa so ready to kick ass and Jennifer just ready to take on the world to find Tobias and kick his ass and Anissa’s all like “you didn't think I was gonna let you go out alone, did you?” and I’m just like AHHH YES SISTERS. The plot with the pod kids was kinda hard to follow, I’m still confused as to the various ages of them, being that the one Tobias woke up seemed to be a full grown man (meaning they had grown while in the pods) but the one Lynn had the end was clearly still a child. So we’ll have to see where that goes. The Grace plot was pretty interesting too. And then there was the whole principal thing where I’m like, I know Jefferson had to do “the right thing” but like....I definitely want him to become principal again, lol. But yeah, good episode all around. After that I switched to Nailed it! Mexico which was fairly ridiculous and then switched over to the news and Jimmy Kimmel for a bit before deciding to shower and get ready for bed and now I’m here and it’s 1:31 am and suddenly I am REALLY sleepy, so I’m gonna end it here. Goodnight folks. Have a good one.

[otakween]

.Hack//SIGN - Rewatch, Episode 12

Kinda a boring episode if I’m honest, I had trouble focusing.

Notes: -BT’s line about Bear needing to prepare to take care of Tsukasa made me excited. I wanna see Bear being Tsukasa’s surrogate dad more!

-GDI I just want Tsukasa and Subaru to talk but the show keeps dragging it out for needless drama >:/

-The conversation in which Mimiru finds out that Tsukasa is from Tokyo was interesting.I lived in Tokyo for 3 months and I’ve never heard of Shimokitazawa...oops. It was cool to hear Bear rattle of the train lines that I recognized though :D

-#Confirmed that Tsukasa is the only one that can feel weather/pain and sleep in The World. Glad the show cleared that up.

-Yet another allusion, this time to The Little Mermaid of all things. It seems like Japanese people are more familiar with the depressing original version than Americans. The only time I hear the sea foam ending referenced is in anime.

-The case of Tsukasa’s life support is interesting. I feel like normally the parents would get the ultimate say but because the father is clearly abusive I guess it’s different? Now I wanna know what the laws about this are...

Attempt at a Summary:

Episode starts with crazy-dad unplugging Tsukasa’s life support and the doctors fighting him back. Bear finds out about this through the news and tells BT, saying he doesn’t want Mimiru to find out. BT tells him to not get involved any further unless he wants to be responsible for Tsukasa. BT also suggests that not being able to log out might be a choice for Tsukasa. 

Meanwhile Tsukasa explains to Mimiru that he doesn’t care about material possessions and she questions his oddities (being able to feel pain, not needing to sleep etc.) During their chat Tsukasa accidentally reveals that they probably live in the Tokyo area. 

Tsukasa goes to their hiding place where the floating girl is tied up in vines/thorns. Tsukasa becomes upset and questions the mysterious voice why she would do such a thing. The voice tells Tsukasa that it tied the girl down to convince them to stay. It also tells them that they should stay because, like the Little Mermaid, they’ll never find happiness in the real world. This makes Tsukasa break down. 

Meanwhile BT and Crim discuss using Subaru as a tool to get to Tsukasa and the Key of Twilight. Crim is still reluctant. Bear, however, agrees with BT and encourages Subaru to talk to Tsukasa (I don’t really get why Subaru is the solution here?? Just cuz Tsukasa has a crush on her or...?)

[canaryatlaw]

Okay, so today was pretty good. Didn't actually do all that much, lol, but it was good. Alarm went off at 7, I groaned and told myself I can sleep when I'm dead (this is actually something I tell myself on a regular basis as a motivation to get out of bed and I'm not even kidding) so I got up and hopped on the bus to work. Hang out for a bit, trying to see if anyone has any work for me, no luck there really so I go down to court and just hang out for most of the morning. I can't really remember anything about the cases so I probably wasn't paying that much attention and/or they weren't all that interesting. Went back up for lunch and decided I would stay up there for the afternoon, I did eventually get an assignment from my supervisor but it was like "take the incident reports dated before January 2015 out of this binder of incident reports that organized into sections by attorneys in chronological order" so all I had to do was flip through the section till I hit January 2015 and take the rest out, so it took a total of like, 20 minutes lol. Didn't do anything else productive for the day though, no complaints there. Their calendar meeting had gotten rescheduled for this afternoon (I'm not sure when it regularly is but it's not while I'm around) so I sat in on that and heard them bitch about problems like comp days and the scheduling issues they have in the courtroom. They're doing a breakfast thing on Thursday for some reason, which is also my last day and they want to take me out to lunch, so I'm getting two government sponsored meals on Thursday? Lol, I'll take it. Gotta figure out where I wanna go, cuz I'm tempted to just say pizza but then they're having a calendar pizza party on Friday.....I may just do the bakery cuz at least there's a selection there and I can still get pizza that I like, lol. At one point my friend from last semester stopped by because she had to drop something off over on my side of the office (we're literally on completely opposite sides of the building) so we talked for a bit and she told me about her crazy case and what DCFS is opposing paying for for her client, and I recounted my painful experience in DV court last time we were there. She mentioned she like almost called me the other day because she had a client wanting to get an order of protection and had a few super basic questions but they got it figured out but just hearing that made me feel really cool haha like I'm an authority on something people would go to for information (and tbh I do know a lot about the process). Headed out around 4:50 because I wanted to make the 5:02 bus since I was so happy I couldn't go straight home after work for legit the first time this semester haha so that was good. It was also nice to ride home while it's still nice out, even if it's still a bit of a longer ride in the evening (it goes from like 1 hour to an hour and 10 minutes, not much but enough) it's nice to just sit and see it still being light out, and the farther north we get the people on the bus start to trickle off, so by the time we get to my stop there's usually only a handful of people left, so sometimes I'll like stretch my legs out and take up two seats or something silly like that that I'd enjoy, lol. Got home, made dinner (I did the roasted nectarine oatmeal again because I still had the other half of it and it was cut and imminently going bad and it was super delicious, and also leftovers because I'm determined to eat them now, which I don't like that I have to be determined to do to actually do, but oh well) and then tuned in for the flash, which I have to say was an all around strong episode. I couldn't pass up commenting on future Barry's haircut because like ffs man I know you're depressed and that can make menial tasks seem monumental but please just get yourself a haircut already, lol. And seeing everyone else all old and abandoned was sad. The whole "we're gonna change the future to change the past" thing was kind of ?? Like okay, getting the team back together is nice but I don't think it's gonna make a difference here? Lol. Oh, and future Barry said he trapped Savitar in the speed force after he already killed Iris.....but Savitar killed Iris because Barry trapped him in the speed force....time loop, anyone? Haha though I doubt they'll address that, given the show's track record with logic in regards to time travel. But yeah, overall I liked it and Jesse L. Martin pretending to be old Joe was so!! cute!!! I really couldn't handle it. So stupid me thought I had an hour between flash and prison break from some reason, and I had wanted to make cookies because while I was making oatmeal earlier they have an oatmeal raisin cookie recipe on the container which I'm rather fond of so now I wanted to make some, except I didn't have any raisins haha so I used dried cranberries instead, and they turned out quite nicely (I briefly considered using the yogurt covered raisins that I do have, but decided that would be an adventure I'd save for another day). When I finished around 8:45 I checked Twitter and realized I fucked up the times of the shows so I started prison break then (thanks for always saving my ass, dvr). Man, what an episode. Really on the edge of my seat for most of it. Of course I was sooooo happy to finally see the brothers reunited and just being so happy to be able to hug each other and I'm like oh damn I have feelings!!! Haha. I wasn't doing all that great at keeping track of the factions fighting and whatever else was going on in Yemen, but I get that they apparently just pissed off the entirety of ISIL (side note: does anyone know why they chose to use ISIL and not ISIS? Is that how it's referred to in Yemen? I'm just curious as to what went into that decision) and now they somehow have to get out of Yemen with all these crazy people hunting him. They've had worse, really, haha. I have faith in them. Sara didn't get to do much, but we had the whole Kellerman and T-Bag plot, and I'm sorry but I refuse to 100% believe Kellerman is dead when they didn't show the shot of him actually being dead, just showed a gunshot going down in his direction....I mean, it's not like they haven't pulled shit like that before, especially with him. And believe me, I REALLY want that bastard to be dead, but the bastard is like a cockroach so I want real confirmation. T-Bag can bleed out for all I care, but I'm yet to see how he fits into any of this. But yeah, liked the episode a lot. Then I went to Brooklyn 99 which was hilarious and perfect as always, then went to 13 Reasons Why, watching episodes 10 and 11, obviously both very heavy episodes. I didn't remember enough details from the book to recall exactly what Clay's transgression was, but I thought it was something along those lines, at which point I'm like goddammit Clay you've been holding out on us going around the whole time being like "what did I do????" when you damn well know what you did, even if you didn't see how it related. I felt so sad for her in that moment though, that what was supposed to be a consensual moment was ruined by her past abuse experienced at the hands of men, like that makes me so sad. I liked episode 10 too though, I especially liked that Sherie was going to the older man's house to help him and that Clay went to Jeff (is his name Jeff? I think it's Jeff)'s family and told him what he knew at least- that was some sign of redemption in what's mostly been a story about how shitty people are to each other, so that I liked seeing. The lawsuit subplot continues to drive me up the wall with realism, at least they got the "oh the school would want to settle" thing right, and I loved that conversations between Clay and Hannah's moms in the bathroom, and I SO still want to see Clay's mom storm out of her firm and quit the case, but at this point I doubt we're gonna see that happen, especially because what they just revealed which has to be the BIGGEST conflict of interest I've ever seen that they are just smoothing over entirely and not even acknowledging. Like, are you kidding me? The son of the defense lawyer is being called as a witness for the prosecution???? If that's not a conflict of interest I don't know what else could possibly be one, lol, so them ignoring that irritated me. I wanted to keep watching to see what was gonna go down with the whole Jess/Bryce/Justin situation (side note: I know we're not really supposed to like Jess and I mean she is a bitch but I honestly just feel so bad for her) but I did need to eventually get to sleep so I stopped and got ready for bed and here we are. Tomorrow I have PT, then a PAD meeting at school that's probably gonna run into the crim pro review class, so we'll see how long I end up being there for. Alright, that's it. Goodnight folks. Stay classy.