#(( i've been gone for so loong and yeah

[iceclew]

Guess what I've been doing last night (and by last night I mean I couldn't sleep and got up again at 1 am and was awake 'till 5am or smth.... :D told ya my sleep schedule is in shambles by now)

Yeaah..I am actually suprised it took me this long to squeeze them onto my most favorite universe of all...so..yeah.. hit the old fantasy- and witcher playlist and well...the mind was loong gone..at this point... I feel like this is not really 100% Witcher-verse, but also a bit Skyrim-ish?...something in between but def. fantasy like..

So what came from it are some messy sketches I like very much :D even if Hoshina is a little T-posing, lol, but that's OK..

I love how I'm not even putting the names in anymore.. xD you should now my fav bois by now hopefully...

since I totally stole that badass posture from Zhen Qu'S fanart, I feel like I at least should tag the reference - LOOK at it it's amazing <3

I wonder if I will continue the series this time, 'cause I'd love to give Narumi a proper armour and there's a certain forest elve I'd like to add as well, BUT I know my adhd brain, and I'm making no promises here..

(and def. no more allnighters, I need to get my schedule fixed, I'm at a Con this weekend, I need to get up at DECENT times god dammit)

[helloalycia]

hi! just wanted to pop in quickly to tell you that i've finally gotten around to reading both of your alicia clark books! i remember starting the first one a long time ago but never managing to finish it - i reckon it's because i've never actually watched fear the walking dead because, well, i ✨fear✨ the walking dead (sorry for the pun lol but no seriously, i'm too scared to watch such shows, even though alycia's in it 😭) but i always manage to come back to ur account and ur fics (i basically grew up with them) and i'd seen that you'd posted new content about alicia clark, so i just had to give your books another try and i absolutely loved it. i loved alicia & kamille, i loved mía and al and oliver and so many other characters and it really broke my heart when joanie and madison and adam died.

kamille is an amazing character; she is patient and calculated, fearless but also scared. she is hope and warmth and the future alicia always deserved.

i'm not religious by any means, but you still managed to make me understand and respect the hope people gain from having faith in something/someone but also the boundaries and doubts that come along with it (even though you didn't mean for it to take over the story). believing in something also often comes with rules, so it was very interesting for me to read about kamille's inner conflict about breaking them: did they really matter in a world where law and order was gone and safety and trust was always only temporary? and even if the world didn't turn to shit, kamille is a muslim lesbian and a woman of color - as i've said, i'm not religious, but i'm also a queer woman of color and i did grow up in a househould with certain beliefs, so if you don't mind and feel comfortable sharing it, i'd love to hear more about your opinion/thoughts on this matter. only if that's okay with you though, you can skip this part, if you don't want to answer that question of course! i don't wanna pressure you into anything!

but yeah, i really did love kamille (even though she was so fucking stupid and oblivious sometimes 😭). and as i've already said: i've never watched ftwd before but kamille and alicia just somehow made sense to me. i haven't felt this single in a loong time hahahaha 🥲

i believe the ftwd fandom is not very huge and i know that some of your other fics for other fandoms might get more attention, but i really do appreciate it every single time u post a fic about alicia (i mean i appreciate every fic you post but i'm kinda loving alicia clark very much right now).

just wanted to let you know that bc she seems to be one of your favorite characters and you must like writing fics about her. so yeah, if you ever feel like those fics are not being recognized properly; i recognize them. and i very much appreciate them. 🫶🏻

sorry this message is wayyy longer than i intended it to be haha

firstly can i just say there’s so much to unpack with this but first and foremost, this brought tears to my eyes because it’s such a genuinely sweet and thoughtful message, and it means a lot when someone really delves into what i’ve written and appreciates it as more than fanfiction, so thank you 😭

okay so i love your fear the walking dead pun, really made me laugh 😂 i really appreciate you giving my fics another go as well, especially as someone who doesn’t usually go for scary stuff like that – it means a lot! ♥️

you’re right about the ftwd fandom being tiny haha, it’s a struggle writing stuff when not many engage with it, but thank you so much for letting me know you enjoy my stuff! i think i’ve been writing a lot for Alicia lately because i genuinely just miss her character and there’s a lot to work with in that universe and with her, plus i’m still having withdrawal from the kamille x alicia fic as it was so fun to write and i miss them 😂 you’re right btw - kamille was a dumbass haha but her and alicia felt so real to me and i genuinely forget she’s not in the actual show 😂

again, very grateful you recognise that though – it’s always so touching to know there’s someone out there delving into what i’ve written! as you said about the subtle commentary within the fic about religion and beliefs combatting a world where it isn’t ’needed’ anymore, that was something that i’m glad you picked up on! i feel like i try to include subtleties in my writing on similar more serious themes, rather than just a fic or imagine, so it means a lot someone noticed them :)

in terms of my opinion on the whole queer women of colour and belief system, i’m happy to share! honestly writing the kamille x alicia fics were a little outlet for me as i’m in a similar boat, a pakistani lesbian, and i genuinely face this issue every day, so obviously i can only share my opinion.

as a person of colour yourself, you must understand how it is being viewed in the lgbtq+ community as someone who isn’t white, but i feel like it’s even harder when you’re a follower of a religion, so in my case Islam. But i won’t go into how it is being viewed like this externally because you can see that anywhere. For me, it’s the internal conflict.

i think knowing that i like women and can never feel otherwise makes it hard because it’s always a decision between do i force myself to think and feel differently because of my family? or do i lead my life how i want to? but then that in itself is hard because even though i’ve told myself i’m a lesbian and accepted that, have i really? i don’t share it to anyone other than my friend and sisters. I don’t know how to. And then my religion and beliefs come into play - i genuinely believe God/Allah wouldn’t frown on me for feeling this way because He created me, but other Muslims would see it as a sin and me straying away from religion. But is it really straying if it’s not my choice? Surely my beliefs should be between me and God, not everyone else?

No matter what, believing in something bigger than me and the fundamentals of my religion make me feel calm and centred. I don’t care how many times people say being gay and Muslim is wrong, because it’s not to me. I can be both. And it doesn’t change any of what i believe. Saying that though, my parents put religion first even though they’re not very religious. Family is second to them whereas it’s first for me. Their beliefs shape them and i can’t exist within that if it doesn’t follow their ideals.

It genuinely comes down to perspective, and as much as i tell myself i don’t care what others think, i do. Mostly my parents. If they knew, they’d despise me. And it’s that thought of do i lie forever to keep them in my life? or live my truth? the answer is, i don’t know. My biggest fear is being alone, funnily enough like Kamille, so i don’t know if i’d rather live an unhappy life surrounded by people or a happy life alone.

But yeah - that’s just the base points of my thoughts on the topic, as well as my experience. If you have any more questions or want me to clarify anything, do let me know! the truth is, most of the stuff Kamille fears or worries is a mirror of my life lol. Only difference is, her circumstances don’t make her choose because it’s not a choice, it just is.

Hope that helps and once again, thank you for your kind words! 🥰♥️

[m-jelly]

JELLYYY! ITS ME AGAIINN

CONGRATS ON 2K, LUV! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOUUUU ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Ok so the prompts I'll be using is "I have something to confess" and "I've been thinking"

so the idea I have is that Levi and reader haven't seen eachother for a loong time and Levi finally tries contacting the reader

( ik the plot seems bland but its just in my 11PM drunk thoughts༎ຶ‿༎ຶ aand i hope the prompts fit the plot i mentioned) n e wayz congrats agaiin mwaa (~￣³￣)~

(~￣³￣)~ hello my lovely!! Been a while! Miss you boo. Thank you so much!!

4) I've been thinking...

6) I have something to confess.

Levi and you knew each other as kids, but you became distant due to moving schools. You met up as adults and clicked. You exchanged your numbers and chatted. You spark up a friendship again and become close. You have to go away for work and it means you can't talk to Levi for a long time. When you return, Levi shoots his shot and calls you.

You: Hey, Levi. I'm back finally! We should catch up again for drinks. Can't believe I was out of the country for two months! How have things been?

Levi: It's good to hear your voice again. I'm okay, things are well and my business is running smoothly. I'd love to have drinks with you, I think it'd be good, but before we do I have a few things to say.

You: Oh yeah? What's up?

Levi: Well, while you've been gone I've been thinking...

You: Tell me what you've been thinking about.

Levi: *sigh* I have something to confess. *he softly says your name* I'm in love with you. I've been in love with you since we were kids. Meeting you again has been the best thing ever because I got to fall in love with you all over again. Losing you for two months made it clear to me how much you mean to me and how I can't walk away from us and you again.

You: Levi...

Levi: I know I'm not much. I'm not a good looking guy and I'm not confident in social settings. I'm not this stud of a guy with lots of brains. You deserve an incredible person who will have all that and treat you right. I can only give you love and I can spoil you, but I don't have the looks and social skills. I'm sorry.

You: *sniff* Levi. Why would you say horrible things about yourself? Do you know how attractive you are? You're stunning to me! You're so handsome. When I'm with you, I don't get flutters and nerves. I feel calm with you. I feel safe and I feel like I'm home. I don't need some socially perfect guy. Levi, I want you.

Levi: Really?

You: *giggle* Yes! I love you, Levi! I love you for you. I've loved you since we were kids as well.

Levi: *small laugh* This...this is incredible. I never thought...I love you.

You: I love you.

Levi: I love you.

You: *laugh* I love you.

Levi: *hummed laugh* I love you."

You: So, can I come over and we talk a bit more?

Levi: Actually, I want to take you out for dinner and drinks. Tell me where you are and I'll come pick you up.

You: I'm at home. You know my address, right?

Levi: Yeah. I'll see you in half an hour?

You: Perfect. I can't wait.

Select the link to take part in the 2K event

[meirilorii]

Wintery Kiss

A Detective Conan and Magic Kaito (DCxMK) fanfic

Summary:

“How did you even find me here Shin-chan?”

A fond chuckle. “Of course I’d find you. I’ve been chasing you for years now that you won’t be able to hide from me anymore, KID-san.”

Kaito pouted, curious, but smiling all the same. “That doesn’t answer my question the slightest bit oh great detective.”

Kaishin/shinkai

Cross posted from Ao3 under MeiriLorii

It was a dark, cold night.

The wind blew past in low freezing degrees as everything around him constantly turned colder, moving his clothes and mussing up his already tousled hair as a few more unruly cowlicks were swept up in several different directions. Exhaling a puff of warm condensing air, the young man sitting desolately by the only occupied bench tugged his light thin clothes —certainly not ones for this kind of weather— firmly around his body in a weak attempt to conserve body heat, contemplating.

It was pretty useless, he knew, as he could barely feel the frigid air. Although.. should he be worried..? Some panicky part of his brain had been whispering that the numbness should be an alarming forewarning that his body was not getting the right temperature it needed. Warmth. But he could barely remember the feeling as he stared at the hand he had been unconsciously rubbing the entire time he had been sitting there. Waiting.

Oh. Right. He had been waiting for someone to make an appearance, right? But for the life of him he couldn’t remember who he’s been waiting for this entire time. Who’d be so important to warrant his patience to wait out in the open with the weather this unstable? Was he even waiting for somehow who will make it or would this be in vain?

Actually, he couldn’t really remember much from the time he had woken up from that brightly lit room. Just that he had to come to this place, something familiar, whatever it might cost him because apparently some part of him feels that this place was important; that it held a remarkably meaningful memory that refused to be recovered from deep within the pit of scrambled mess that was his brain.

This had to some kind of weird dream. He knew from some part deep inside him that people don’t just forget everything in one day. They don’t just wake up from an unknown place he subconsciously knew as a hospital room only to go someplace they thought they should be but apparently couldn’t seem to figure out the reason behind as to why.

He couldn’t even remember his name.. Why his left hand had been covered in bandages —something that had become a makeshift glove— and the faint desperate feeling still thrumming through his adrenaline pumped veins when he had run away from that room.

The young man had to be missing something important, and the thought itself made his head hurt that he had stopped trying to think of it too much in hopes that the pounding headache would just stop.

Somewhere far across the male, the large clocktower chimed its musical bell, the large hand moving to point directly upward towards the sky as it rang its call before midnight.

One more hour..

Just then, sometime after, something soft dropped down bellow his left eye to turn into freezing liquid, moving down his cheek before the wind started to pick up again from its earlier lazy breeze.

Snow. His mind supplied once more as he held his bare and almost frozen hand outward to catch more of the falling white flakes as they started to descent down from the puffy greyish-white clouds overhead.

He could barely recall —a memory?— being drenched as the cold ball of ice soaked through his coat and clothes, someone throwing him a handful in retaliation to start a playful snowball fight. Either that or they’d form something out of the pile that had accumulated that day. (Who’s idea it was or if those were even real or a figment of his imagination, he’s not sure anymore.) Of warm fireplaces, shared blankets and cups of hot beverages. Lazy and comfortable silences that droned on as the nearby grandfather clock slowly ticked away the seconds to lull him into a light sleep..

It was somehow disconcerting how he was starting to long for something he couldn’t even fully remember, but nonethess, he surmised that the winter chill couldn’t be much good for his sore and bandaged up self. (He’s only clad in a pair of what should be his jeans and a light long sleeved shirt. Not exactly heavy and heat conserving.)

But.. He was starting to feel sleepy. He’s tired and he just wanted to take small nap..

Unable to stop his lids from dropping, he fell into a light daze like slumber..

“Hey, Kaito, what do you want to do for Christmas?”

The innocent question snapped said magician out of the mathematical equation he had, for once, been studying about for exams. Normally, Kaito would just wave his hand and skim through his text books with an uncaring air. He usually passed with flying colors anyway even with his obvious inattentiveness during lessons but for now, he deemed a few brush ups and advance topics would do him fairly well especially with his course of action for next week.

Which he hadn’t informed Shinichi as of yet.

And the detective had been the one to bring up about the incoming holidays.. Which was a bit unusual ever since he had known Kudou Shinichi and had started to drop by frequently by the mansion after they had sorted out their own individual mess. Out of the five years that he had known him, this was a first for Christmas, —this year being the one he had managed to finally have the courage to ask Shinichi if he could room with him because despite one of the guest rooms practically being his by now, he still wants to make sure he’s welcomed to stay for far longer than a few days. It was just too spacious and quiet by himself and he just figured that with both of them living by themselves, it wouldn’t be so bad.

Well, it had always been Kaito forcing him out of work for a much deserved break so..

Ah. Shit.

“Eh.. Christmas?” Chuckling sheepishly, Kaito scratched the back of his head lightly, tapping one end of his mechanical pencil by the corner of his lips as he sent his roommate a crooked grin.

Shinichi in return just blinked at him, one raised eyebrow urging him to go on and elaborate as he went back to typing away in his own laptop. Kaito willed himself not to read in too much on the small shift of his body language, telling himself that it was most definitely not disappointment that had shined through the other’s azure eyes for the briefest of seconds before it went back to the usual indifferent stare.

Thief or no thief, he still thinks that the detective was very much annoying whenever he does that. Closing him off as if he couldn’t read him. And well, maybe the smallest bit challenging and attractive. But that’s from a tiny part of his brain that he had tucked way back since it always sprouted nonsense about adorable snappy detectives..

Shaking his head to rid himself of such distracting thoughts, the magician opened his mouth for a response, feeling much like a bastard who’s just making excuses and he cringed inwardly even as his face outwardly showed his deepest sincerity.

“It was just yesterday and I would have told you about it right away but then you’ve got a case until late in the evening.. ” Shrugging lightly, he leaned his head over the heel of his right hand, left hand absently flipping his pen between his fingers and nervousness showing through as the pace picked up with the detective’s show of near callousness.

“Anyways, Kaa-san called and informed me about having scheduled a magic show over New York. Something about a Christmas reunion between her and Oyaji’s common friends that I just have to make a small show for.” Trailing off, he counted off a few seconds before adding. “I was scheduled to go next week and will probably be gone for the duration of about two weeks until after Christmas and well.. I was wondering if somehow you’d be able to come too since we’re given an early break..”

Kaito already knew the answer, but he mentally crossed his fingers anyway.

The continuous clicking and clacking of keys stopped momentarily as Shinichi leaned back on his armchair after a beat of tense silence from Kaito. He looked worn out around the edges and the magician made a mental note to himself that he’d have to pester the detective this weekend just to have the other stop wasting away his day offs solving through a bunch of case files and either going or stumbling over crime scenes.

Apparently, Kaito was Shinichi’s living, walking, and working omamori that cancels out the detective’s corpse magnet abilities. Kaito would always remind him so whenever he’d drag him out for an impromptu vacation and Shinichi would just sigh every time and submit to his whims with little to no struggle. Though the magician secretly likes to think that that’s because his companion might enjoy those out of the blue outings with him.

And it wasn’t like he has anything to lose when they both have everything to gain out of it anyways.

Shinichi’s a detective, but as much as he loves his work and would do anything for justice, Kaito knew that sometimes things just felt too dark that sleep couldn’t even save him from nightmares, the magician dragging him out whenever he felt like the detective needs an out for a while. He empathized with that fairly well. “That sounds great Kaito.” Shinichi’s grin looked genuine although it doesn’t seem to reach his eyes. Kaito knew that look far too much —he’s pretty used to that by now, so why did he feel as if he had just been punched in the gut?— that he had anticipated the next words even before the other opened his mouth to continue, “Your mother must be really proud of you and I’m happy that you can finally start your career from here but.. ”

Kaito cut him off when Shinichi’s words skirted around the conversation, his mind, for once, was unable to come up with the correct set of sentences.

Lips twitching upward into a slight smile —the magician couldn’t do more than that else it would be too fake. “ Yeah. Kaa-san won’t stop telling me that over the phone, so kind of guessed she was.” His normally cheery tone was a tad more neutral than usual, but Shinichi, who he was sure to have caught the slight change, didn’t say anything. Kaito sensed the guilt however, the tenseness over the other’s shoulders, and he suddenly felt undeniably warm as his smile softened into a decidedly indulgent grin.

“But hey, after you’re done with that case with Takagi-keiji, we could always celebrate the new years together, right?” If his words had come out more hopeful, neither decided to comment about it.

The detective should have expected that part really, what with the moonlighting thief’s habit of sending his doves after him after a certain accident —not so much of an accident as it was a cleverly planned one. Though.. That meant Kaito knew and had still tried to ask him if he would be able to make it. Isn’t it just sad that this almost felt like he’s abandoning the other?

He should be feeling annoyed with all the stalking, but he only felt fond exasperation, the latter one winning out over his features as he crossed his arms with a soft sigh.

“Why do I even bother?” Shaking his head, Shinichi could feel a tug on his lips and he didn’t even bother to hide his amusement as he faced the magician fully from his position. “Just try not to blow the house up with all the fireworks.”

And Kaito’s laugh, relieved and content, rang over the halls of the Kudou residence, filling the previously empty house with its warmth.

“-to! ”

He could faintly hear someone shouting something, the words and meaning lost to him as he was still feeling groggy from the impromptu nap.

“Oi! Kai-”

Someone was shaking him now, and even though he felt quite annoyed with the treatment to his limp body, he couldn’t bother to bring himself to move just yet. His eyes felt as if it was bolted close and his arms and legs heavy with lead.

“—you said…”

What were they saying? He couldn’t really think much of anything else at the moment, head feeling as if stuffed with cotton. That was before his head throbbed with a vengeance, more vicious and twice the earlier pain, forcing him to move much closer to that comforting wamth. A soft near inaudible whimper left his dry throat when the movement aggravated what should be numb skin and flesh, bandages slowly being stained red.

“You idiot!”

As the fog over his senses slowly lifted, Kaito could feel his source of warmth shake but he was still unable to discern the reason as to why with his brain still trying to reboot.

“Why’d you..” A choked whisper as the speaker tried to regain composure. “Gods Kaito.. We’ve been searching for you for hours and you’re nowhere to be found. I thought.. I thought he got you this time for good and..”

..What?

Oh. Was that Shinichi? It sure sounds like it. He must be suffering from a pretty bad concussion if he’s ever forgotten his favourite critic for even just a second. But that also doesn’t sound quite about right. Why would Shinichi be acting like this and be reduce to such a mess?

“-nichi?” His voice was horribly hoarse that Kaito gave a brief thought about drinking something to patch the soreness of his throat.

The detective immediately froze before he slowly leaned his head back from the embrace he’s wrapped the magician with, turning wide blue eyes at the groaning bundle in his arms and clashing with hazy and clearly pained and disoriented indigo.

Unable to word anything out the first few seconds with waves of relief spreading through Shinichi’s stiff form, he sagged back down around the other, arms holding him in a carefully tight hold to avoid aggravating his wounds any more that they already are.

A comforting silence settled between them, Kaito returning the hug as much as he could without hurting himself by moving too much. Both of them just basking in each other’s presence, not wanting to break the moment just yet.

It was Shinichi who did.

“I’m sorry.” His memories are still a jumbled mess but Kaito supposed that he should have seen this one coming from Shinichi. The amount guilt from the words alone does not sit well with him. “If only I had picked you up at the airport in time then..”

No. It wasn’t his fault, really. “I don’t blame you Shinichi. The case was important and—”

“You don’t understand Kaito!” Cutting him off, the other male raked a frustrated hand through his otherwise neatly combed hair, which Kaito only now realized looked much like his own nest of messy strands from the abuse it must have gone through this whole time. “The guy we’ve been after, the serial killings all pointed towards the same thing and.. and after we finally traced the next victim..” Another choked sound escaped him and the magician suddenly had a horrible feeling where this was leading to.

He decided to shut the detective up before he could start getting all logical on him. He likes that part of Shinichi, —he’d even admit to having admired him because of it, that strong sense of justice— he really does. But sometimes, when it comes to times like this, letting him go on gives him more reason to blame himself for something and thus pulling him deeper into self-reproach.

“Shinichi.” He started, breathing through his mouth and noticing his companion shiver lightly in his arms. “It’s not your fault. I can’t remember much but I think I saw you before I black out. You were able to stop him before he was able to really get me right?”

“Yes, but—”

“The plane landed earlier than planned considering the anticipated heavy snow. Not your fault I was planning on surprising you at the precinct.” Kaito waited for more rebuttals from the detective and continued on when nothing came. “You came to stop him. That’s all that matters to me.”

Shinichi shook his head, a shaky breath slipping past chapped lips. “I could have lost you. I.. He was able to escape as I was checking you for serious injuries. I thought he got you for real when you disappeared from your room.” It ended with a soft whisper, traces of fear still evident.

He snuggled closer towards his roommate, content, more than willing to provide physical reassurance. “I’m fine. I’m here. I could only imagine that you caught him this time with a painful hit by that soccer ball of death of yours.” A simple statement that spoke volumes of how much faith he had on the other.

“Yes.” It seems that Shinichi understood perfectly well, the implications not lost to him with how he tightened his hold around the weakened magician. “Yes I did..”

The silence stretched on as the tension slowly left the detective.

“How did you even find me here Shin-chan?”

A fond chuckle as Shinichi propped his head over Kaito’s, rubbing his back soothingly, willingly sharing body heat. “Of course I’d find you. I’ve been chasing you for years now that you won’t be able to hide from me anymore, KID-san.”

Kaito pouted, curious, but smiling all the same. “That doesn’t answer my question the slightest bit oh great detective.”

Faint snicker. “To be honest? I’ve sort of had a feeling that I’d find you here. You’ve always been the sentimental type and this was the place we’ve first met so I just went with my instinct.”

“Really?” The magician let out an amused snort, knowing there was more to it that the detective isn’t telling but willing to let it go with how tired he was.

Shinichi lightly laughed, shaking his head. “Kaito?”

“Mmh?”

“Please just.. don’t do that again.”

Smiling from his position on the detective’s lap, Kaito hummed, not wanting to risk nodding his head as he shifted just the tiniest bit closer, enjoying the scent of pine and mint that was solely Shinichi. “Okay.”

“..and Kaito?”

He was starting to get sleepy again, only this time he felt safe and warm, being wrapped securely with Shinichi watching over him. He certainly could get used to this. “Yes?”

“Let’s get you back home.”

“Yeah.” Grin stretching wider, and with all the warmth he could muster, Kaito glanced up towards Shinichi as he was carefully lifted up into his arms. The first time the other had admitted it to be just that after the past year of Kaito moving in with him. “Home.”

And as the clocktower strike midnight, Shinichi gave the now slumbering magician a feather light kiss on his forehead, silently promising to himself to always treasure something so precious.

[artificialqueens]

i've been too lonely too long (trixya) - cherry

a/n: hello, this is my first fic, ever. so be gentle pls. i hope that you all will enjoy it! this is also posted on ao3 under the user satinhorror! (also the song “the end of the world” by skeeter davis is mentioned throughout the fic, it’s not necessary but listen to it to understand some references)  

summary: it’s the early 70’s, katya’s on a roadtrip, trixie’s on tour, and the radio are playing sad songs for the sleepless. 

fic: 

when katya thinks about it, this is it. she’s racing through the dessert in a red cabriolet, just her and a duffle bag of necessities. she’s somewhere between huston and phoenix, closing in on tucson. she’s on the road, kinda like jack kerouac, but also kinda not. she’s visited a friend in florida, and is making her way to another one in san francisco; and maybe after that, she’ll make her way back to boston, just maybe. a pair of big square sunglasses shielding her eyes and a houndstooth pattern dress covering, well, not so much skin. lou reed’s shouting through the car radio and the sun’s melting the train tracks, making them twirl like a phone cord. a marlboro cigarette is hanging between slender fingers, her hand resting on the car door, whilst the other’s drumming on the steering wheel in rhythm to venus in furs. a dusty sign gives promises of a world class diner and a decent motel “now with a pool!”.  katya takes a drag from her cigarette, and swerves into the parking lot.

well in the diner she’s met by a hardworking air conditioner, and a jukebox playing johnny cash. she sighs, pulls her sunglasses up behind her blunt bangs and sits down by the counter. she orders a milkshake and a slice of cherry pie and eats slowly whilst getting through another chapter of william burroughs’ naked lunch. with her duffle bag in one hand and another marlboro in her mouth she gets a room for the night and throws up a few crumpled bills to the receptionist. mumbles a “thank you” when she’s given her key. her room is hotter than hell and though the sun may be close to setting the room’s been heating up all day. katya thinks about her options. waste a few hours in what feels like hell, or cool down in the pool? it’s an easy decision and katya quickly changes into her bikini and opens the windows, hoping the evening breeze will chill her room down.

katya enters the pool area, sunglasses once again resting on the bridge of her nose, the sun’s setting throwing an endless amount of shades of pink, orange and red across the sky. along the edge of the pool sits a group of people, not too far from katya’s age, she pays them no mind wanting nothing more than to drown in the blue. she eases into the water and feels it cool her blood and bones, resting her head against the edge. wonders to herself if she could have a cigarette in the pool, then scolds herself for the bad habit. she hears a voice, “ya know, i love your hair”, the vowels dragged out, and she can’t quite place the accent. katya follows the voice to its owner and realises it comes from the only other woman by the pool, sitting with a group of men. but katya doesn’t see the men, only the woman. she’s sat on the edge of the pool, her blonde hair up in a huge bun on her head. clad in a pink gingham bikini, her thighs thick and hips almost spilling out from the bikini bottoms, she’s oh so curvy and katya doesn’t want to be crude but katya also has to rip her stare away from the woman’s breasts. when she does reach her face her jaw drops. her eyes are dark and katya can’t tell the colour from where she is, but she guesses brown, her features are somehow soft and defined at the same time, and her lips. her lips holds a smile that has to have been carved out by what must have been god. katya squeezes out a “thank you”, after realising she’s staring at the woman like a creep. “what’s yous doin’ over there all by yourself”, the woman speaks again, raising a thick eyebrow, “come over mama!” katya softly scoffs at the mama, but walks over to the woman nonetheless. “trixie” - she introduces herself as, and katya likes the way the name makes her tongue moves to pronounce trixie. trixie starts talking, and katya finds out that trixie doesn’t stop talking once she’s started, but katya doesn’t mind.

it turns out trixie’s a semi-known country singer, who’s on tour, but she dreams endlessly about being something bigger. katya tells her she’s trying to be a writer but mainly ends up being a waitress. trixie laughs loudly, like sharp, shattered stars, at katya’s jokes. tells her about tours that never end, introduces katya to the men around them - her band - who turns out to be a lovely bunch, who ultimately decides to leave them alone after listening to them speak for no more than 20 minutes. trixie’s fingertips are are light and soft as feathers when she drags her fingers through katya’s blunt cut, choppy, blonde bob. slowly untangles the wavy mess whilst they tell each other about their childhoods. trixie growing up in rural wisconsin, hours away from any big city. and katya can finally place her accent. she puts her trust in katya. shakily tells her about her stepfather, who really didn’t like her, who beat her until she turned blue. “i had to move to my grandparents ’n so. but i s’pose there was good in that. my grandpa was the one who taught me to play guitar, he taught me how to sing. ya know, without him, i’d be stuck back up north”, trixie breathes deeply. katya can see that she’s shaking and takes trixie’s hands in hers, rubs her thumbs over them. “but you did get out, he must be so proud of you”, katya whispers and trixie looks up at her, smiling though her cheeks are stained with tears.

the sun’s long gone and before the cold of the night has a chance to set into their bones, they move to katya’s room. “i’m sorry”, trixie says, “ i didn’t mean to pour my heart out on ya, but i feel like i know you. must sound like an idiot but, we clicked, didn’t we mama”. katya hides a smile at the mamas that trixie throws around, but she can’t help but like how it sounds coming from her. “no yeah we did, don’t be ashamed trixie, i lost my shame a loong fucking time ago”, trixie laughs at that and katya does too. they sit down on her hotel bed, katya licks her lips and can feel how dry the are, she hopes her crimson lipstick still looks decent. notices how plump and soft trixie’s lips are, she almost reaches out to touch them. trixie asks about her childhood, and katya tells her about her russian parents, who moved from moscow to boston just before the cold war started. how it didn’t matter that they were professors and spoke perfect english, they were always seen as the immigrants, as the russian communists, the enemy. tells trixie how much they try to hide that they’re russian, how they never really spoke russian to katya and her siblings because it was best that they had as little of a visible connection to their home country as possible. katya tells trixie how her babushka almost cries when she’s on the phone with her, because her grandchildren can barely speak their own language. they look at each other, both breathing heavy, it feels like the calm before the storm. trixie reaches over to katya and hugs her. they sit like that, just holding each other for quite some time. katya can feel trixie’s heartbeat against her own chest, and if feels like she’s found a piece of herself.

“could you sing me one of your songs”, katya asks.

“really, ya wanna hear one of my songs?”, trixie looks surprised. “yeah of course, i can’t help but think you write beautiful songs”. they smile at each other, “well kat, i do appreciate that, most fuckers don’t even think i write my own songs. but let me tell ya, i do! but a lot of people don’t even think i have any brains”. trixie winks at katya before leaving the room, she comes back a few minutes later with an old battered up guitar. she sings katya songs about breaking someone’s heart, a town called bluegrass, and then one that makes katya want to ask trixie just who judy is. but she refrains. katya reads trixie some of her poetry, about people that she’s loved. hoping, really fucking hoping trixie won’t get disgusted and leave when she realises they’re not about men. but she stays, praises katya’s way with words, and katya blushes and can’t for some reason meet trixie’s eyes. trixie rolls katya’s hair up in curlers - because she always fails when she does it on herself. she smokes another cigarette. they turn on the radio and sing along to skeeter davis’ “the end of the world”, katya supposes they must be playing sad songs for the sleepless.

“trixie, do you ever get homesick?”, katya asks, they’re sitting next to each other and katya’s drawing never-ending patterns on trixie’s thigh. trixie shakes her head no and smiles. “me neither”, katya smiles back, and continues, “i suppose we both got restless blood in us”. and she can hear how trixie’s accent already has made its way onto katya’s tongue. “i’ll miss ya katya” “i’ll miss you too”

“you never told me, where are ya goin’?”, trixie crooks her head whilst she asks. “san francisco, i should be there the day after tomorrow. i’m staying with a friend there, at least for a month”, katya chips at her nail polish whilst she speaks, it’s a nervous thing, but she can’t understand why she is nervous. “i’m playing there, i mean san francisco, in ‘bout 2 weeks. would ya like to come meet me then?” katya smiles at her, “i’d want nothing more”. they make plans about guest lists and meeting spots and katya writes down the number to the friend she’ll be staying with, sloppily, on paper with the motels sigil. “call me, whenever.” trixie kisses her forehead so lovingly that katya almost melts, and then they fall asleep on each other.

katya wakes up alone, she sits up, confused, scans the room for traces of trixie. there’s a note on the nightstand.

“ katya!

i had to go, tour calls. i couldn’t bring myself to wake you at the ungodly hour i got up!

i’ll try calling you in 2 days & hope you’re in san francisco

love trixie xx “

katya feels something boil in her stomach, guesses it’s happiness. she balances a cigarette in her mouth whilst taking out the hair curlers, and studies her map-book. she should be able to make it halfway today, stay overnight in five points. she looks at herself in the mirror, takes a drag and puts her sunglasses on.

katya’s long back on highway 10 when she - unlike skeeter davis - understands why the birds sing, katya thinks she’s in love.

[kithtaehyung]

Aaah, Ryen! This is going to be a loong message because Yoongi isn't the only one with a lot of thoughts haha.

This whole time I have been growing more and more protective of OC with each chapter after seeing the way she overthinks everything and how much she really deserves. Now after reading Interlude I feel this ten times more for Yoongi. Our poor baby is really going through it y'all and it made me so sad to see him like this 🥺🥺🥺. But I'm also really glad we got to see his POV for all of these moments because the man really doesn't speak about all of that shit that is going on in his head huh.

First of all what a start and a way to set the mood with these lines:

"Another breath.

Another day. 

Filled with the same plaguing thoughts as the last."

I always appreciate when something from the beginning comes back around in the end like that.

I knew the basketball scene was going to get me mad but I was seeing red, it was almost as bad as Dalo really. I did agree with every thought of Yoongi's during that moment though like:

“Think you’re hot shit?” 

Uhh. He knows he is. But that’s besides the point." Like, that's right, he absolutely is .

"He can take heat. 

But when it comes to you? 

Yeah, no one’s getting away with that shit."

this one too, I've genuinely become just as protective of OC as everyone else in this story, she just deserves the world.

"when he purposefully lied about not having a pump in his car." ok Yoongi I see you 👀👀👀 If this doesn't prove how gone they were for each other from the start, I don't know what does.

Reading about how much he doubts and blames himself for everything was truly heartbreaking to read though, these lines made my heart physically hurt :

"Because he already knows he doesn’t deserve you in the first place."; "He did this to you. He should’ve been there."

It was really nice to see that as much as Yoongi has helped OC be more confident and not overthink so much, OC has helped him a lot too.

"But you somehow showed up on his doorstep after a whole year of him hating who he was. And whatever you did somehow repaired that broken record, allowing him to escape that headspace and do shit again."

This made me so soft and I really hope that one day Yoongi tells her all of this and how much she has helped him as well.

This chapter did make me fall in love with Yoongi more though, even though I thought that was impossible. Seeing how attentive he was to every reaction of OC's and what he thought about their moments together firsthand really almost killed me. I think these lines just speak for themselves:

"And it’s much easier to deal with than any other name he wants to change it to."; "You have no idea how much you’ve changed his life. Whether you’re his or not, that fact remains the same."

Also, all of the allusions to Yoongi's past in this have made me so curious. I hope that like OC, he will eventually be able to open up about past experiences that have hurt him, because that really is a step to healing from them.

"Once a space that saw many destructive arguments and silent, unfinished meals, your appearance started giving it new life. New energy. Energy that he can physically feel as he passes it on the way to his room. "; "Not after what he went through last time."

I love the way you add things like this in, there are always so many new things to think about and explore because of details like this and it makes the experience of reading and rereading so much richer and more rewarding.

Jimin really was a real one in this as well. I really appreciate a friend who knows when to be supportive and when to call you out on your bullshit too.

This line was the final straw for me on this roller-coaster of emotions: "This is exactly why he can’t be with you. This is exactly why he wants you to be his." I just love both of them so much and I really just want them to be happy 🥺🥺🥺

Thank you for letting us into Yoongi's mind with this Interlude. It really did put a lot of things into perspective and I loved getting to know him more intimately. Hope you're doing well, Ryen 💕💕

-🥝

KIWIIII i can actually respond to one of your heartwarming reviews a day later and not several! LOL i'm so happy you got to read the interlude, and so soon? gosh and the amount of thoughts your wonderful brain had.. i had to read this over and over again. i love you so much.. let's get into my response!

oh my god, you're so right. like we're already protective of reader no question. but now YOONGI? my god i wanna wrap him up and never let him go until he knows how loved he is by everyone around him dskfndsfkj. it made me so sad to see this, too.. he always tells reader to say what's on their mind. and yet.. baby.... please listen to your own advice. (this makes reader's talk to him in basketball hit so much harder now.)

i'm glad you like the cyclical nature of the beginning and ending lines! i wanted to callback to the beginning, because "dal segno." it means to go back to "the sign," which is a symbol shown above the music staff that shows you where to start from when you see that notation. so. going back to the beginning because he has the same thoughts, that usually start from the basketball game, which was the sign (which is also why the banner is the way it is.)

the basketball scene had me so angry. like i know y'all have been wanting to know what happened there for so long, and i had to sit there and know by myself :(( it was lonely but i think it's worth it to see all the reactions now! reader does deserve to be protected and who better to do that than yoongi and his friends... ugh.

GAHHH THE PUMP LINE!! i will adore that little tidbit forever.

yoongi's story is so tragic and we never even fcking knew. he really is becoming a source of comfort for reader, even though his mind is such a mess, bc he cares about her and doesn't want to bother her with his own problems ah fck now i'm getting emotional dflksjfn

yes! reader is helping him. so much more than she realizes.. that one fateful summer day is gonna be one that they both think about and come back to for a long time. i hope he tells reader all of this someday.. if we get to that point, i hope it happens.

gosh, i love 3tan yoongi. i literally think about him and reader everyday. whether it's just thinking about them, writing one sentence or note to come back to later, or working on chapters for real, it's all been so normal that it's going to be.. you know what, i won't even say it lol we're just gonna keep having them in our lives. for a very long time.

exactly. yoongi will need to talk about this stuff eventually, whether he realizes it or not, whether he's confronted or not. bc it's just going to keep bothering him and no one will know.

i'm glad you like the little details thrown in there that show there's more to the story! i wanted to give some things away without the entire picture. there's still a lot more to go, and we'll see more in due time. if it makes the reading experience richer and more rewarding, then i am very, very happy.

YESSS JIMIN!!! i won't shut up about him, either. going from "morning, sunshine" cheery and happy to "what the fuck is up with you?" and just, overall done/frustrated? you know he loves yoongi. he cares so much and he's not gonna shy away from hounding him.

GOD the contradicting lines on how yoongi feels about reader at the end. it's honestly so relatable?? sometimes i feel the exact same way. it's inherently human to want something and yet know you can't/shouldn't. i feel for him. i just hope he comes to some realizations soon.

you're so welcome, and thank you for reading, babe!! it was certainly intimate (and took a bunch of energy to get through) so thank you for taking the time to let me know what you thought! i cannot express how happy and encouraged you made me feel.