#( divided in two parts bc tumblr is silly. )

[wavyicons]

    AKANE  KUROKAWA  (  130/215  )  ICONS        SERIES:  oshi  no  ko        like  /  reblog  if  saving  /  requested  by  @foraltruism​

[jeonginsleftcheek]

Hate your guts (pt 2)

~ bcs tumblr hates me i had to divide this into two parts, here is part 1

pairing: rockstar!hyunjin x rockstar afab!reader

genre: enemies to lovers, fluff, smut

wc: 26.6k

synopsis: hwang hyunjin, your sworn enemy. the person who finds and pushes all your buttons, annoys you and makes you angry. the person you're trying to avoid so badly, only to end up practically sharing a bed with him on tour. let the fun begin!

warnings: lots of swearing, smoking and alcohol, mentions of blood and throwing up, mild violence, multiple sex scenes, unprotected sex, oral (f and m), fingering, handjob, semi-public sex, spanking, creampies, mix of degradation and praise

a/n: so... tumblr kept screwing me bcs of the formatting and i'm never writing in google docs again🙃

The next morning as you woke up, you were confused. 

There was someone behind you, their arms wrapped around you as their breath kept hitting your neck. 

You almost started screaming as you squirmed but the arms tightened around you. 

“Relax, it’s just me.” 

“Hyunjin! What the hell?” you whined, trying to get out of his grasp.

“I had a nightmare so I came back.” he nuzzled into you and you tried to move away, realizing then that his leg was thrown over you and you were essentially caged.

“How did you get into my room?” you questioned. 

“I stole your key when you threw me out.” Hyunjin answered nonchalantly. 

“You little criminal.” you frowned, trying to get out of his deadly clutch again. 

“Let go, Hyunjin.” 

“Mm… no.” 

“Hyunjin, I’m warning you.” 

You felt his smile against the back of your neck. 

“Let me hold you for a little while.” he said. 

“You held me against my will since you sneaked back in.” you fought against him.

“Stop squirming!” Hyunjin almost laid down on top of you as you whined. 

Thankfully, a knock on the door saved you. 

“Let me get the door at least.” 

Hyunjin groaned as the knocks persisted before letting you go.

“Fine, you’re free.” he pouted.

You opened the door and Brendon was on the other side.

“Oh, hey B.” you said. 

“Hey. Is Hyunjin in there with you? We can’t find him.” 

“Oh yeah, he’s here.” you confirmed. 

“Oh.” Brendon smirked. 

“It’s nothing like that!” you felt the need to defend yourself instantly. 

“Mhm. Sure. Well, Aiden and I are gonna get some breakfast so you guys can join us if you want.”

“Sure, we’ll be down soon.” 

“See ya.” Brendon winked before you closed the door. 

You made your way back to your bed and the sight made you melt. 

In your rush to get away from Hyunjin and open the door, you didn’t see he brought his teddy bear with him, the plushie friend leaned on the other pillow that was untouched.

Hyunjin was sleeping on your side, hogging your pillow and blanket like there wasn’t enough space, and what’s worse he didn’t have a shirt on and your face became profusely red in a millisecond.

“Hyunjin, wake up, we’re gonna get breakfast with the guys.” you shook him lightly. 

He muttered but never moved. 

“Hyunjin! Wake up!” you shook him again. 

“Stop calling me Hyunjin!” he turned towards you suddenly and you laughed at his cute swollen face and his disheveled hair. 

“That’s your name, silly.” you said. 

“Give me a nickname. Hyunjin sounds too formal. Unless you’re moaning it.” he smirked and you decided to put use to the other pillow and smack him with it. 

“Ow.” he whimpered. “Did you see that teddy? She’s abusing me.”

“Let’s go.” you rolled your eyes as he pouted.

Getting breakfast with Aiden and Brendon proved to be a mistake as they teased you constantly. 

“You two finally shacking up, huh?” Aiden smirked. 

“We are far from shacking up.” you grimaced and Hyunjin laughed. 

“You’ve warmed up to me, admit it.” Hyunjin wiggled his eyebrows as he leaned in close to your face. 

“Not admitting anything unless a lawyer is present.” you smirked. 

“Fine, don’t.” he smirked back. 

“Actually, I went to law school shortly so-”

“Brendon, shut the fuck up.” you said as everyone laughed.

“How about we hit the town?” Aiden suggested after breakfast and everyone agreed. 

You spent the day sightseeing (and getting stopped by fans occasionally) and Hyunjin insisted on taking as many pictures as he could to capture the happy memories. 

By the time you got to your room, it was almost night and you were exhausted. 

“Oh, hello there.” you saw Hyunjin’s teddy on your bed, which meant he probably left it to have a reason to come back to your room. 

You were expecting him to come in any minute, but as you showered and laid down, it was quiet. 

You almost fell asleep, the buzzing of your phone startling you. 

asshole<3: hey pretty, are you asleep

you: not anymore, what do you want

asshole<3: put your bathing suit on (or don’t) but i’m taking you to a night swim in the pool

you: no you’re not, i’m going back to sleep.

asshole<3: no we’re going swimming baby. i’m in front of your door

you: why don’t you just come in? breaking and entering seems like your thing. 

It was quiet for a moment, before you heard the keycard beeping and the door opening. 

“It’s not breaking and entering when I have a key, just so you know.” Hyunjin walked in nonchalantly, throwing his towel over the chair. 

“Did you get a spare key for my room?” you sat up in your bed, turning the lamp on. 

“Yeah, I told the desk lady you’re my girlfriend. She wouldn’t budge in the beginning but I charmed my way into getting the key.” he smiled smugly as he sat down next to you. 

“Of course you did.” you rolled your eyes. 

“Aw, were you hugging teddy?” Hyunjin smiled, pointing to his friend who was laid next to you. “I’m so glad you two are getting along.”

“He looked lonely.” you shrugged. 

“Don’t I look lonely too?” Hyunjin pouted and you made a disgusted face. 

“Please, don’t do that.” you got up as Hyunjin’s eyes followed you. 

“Are you gonna put your bathing suit on?” 

“Yes, in the bathroom.” you rummaged through your things and Hyunjin chuckled.

“I mean, we can go skinny-dipping too.” he added. 

“Yeah right.” you gave him a look before making your way to the bathroom. 

The two of you finally made your way to the pool, sneaking around as it was late. 

It made you feel like you were a couple of teenagers looking for a place to fuck. 

There was something in the air, you felt it as Hyunjin walked close to you, his eyes wandering to you constantly.

When you made it to the pool, both of you stripped without hesitation and Hyunjin’s lips parted as he started eye-fucking you openly. 

“Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies.” you smirked. 

“Not if I put my mouth to some better use.” he smirked back and you rolled your eyes as you made your way towards the water. 

“Come on, you invited me here, what are you waiting for?” you said and Hyunjin followed you, both of you getting in. 

“Fuck, it’s cold.” you hissed and Hyunjin floated closer to you. 

“We’ll warm up.” he came up behind you, his arms wrapping around your middle.

“I thought we were swimming.” you craned your neck, trying to look at him. 

“We are.” Hyunjin nosed your cheek, before brushing his lips against your skin briefly, his lip ring scratching you pleasantly. 

“H-Hyunjin.” you turned around as he released you and his face was unreadable. 

“What?” you asked.

“Nothing.” he said, a sly smile spreading on his face as he lifted his hand and splashed you. 

“Asshole!” you laughed, splashing him back. 

“Ooh, I haven’t heard that one in a while.” Hyunjin bit on his lip, playing with his piercing shortly as he got closer again. 

You squealed and swam away so he started swimming after you. 

“You know I used to compete in swimming? It’s futile trying to escape.” Hyunjin said as he kept coming closer. 

You screamed, laughing as he grabbed your ankle and pulled you into him before he cornered you against the edge of the pool. 

“I’m gonna kiss you now. You can push me away if you don’t want it and I won’t bother you again.” he started, his hand touching your waist tentatively. “Unless you ask of course.” he smirked. “The point is, if you let me kiss you it’ll be hard for me to control myself.”

“How so?” you smirked, your hand touching his arm, as you ran it up to his shoulder. 

“You can’t be that blind, y/n. I’ve always wanted you.” hearing him say that made you shiver in anticipation as your bodies got even closer. 

“Oh yeah? Show me.” you teased, brushing your lips against his. 

Hyunjin’s eyes widened for a moment as he squeezed your waist before he gave you his famous smirk. 

You leaned in and met him in the middle as your lips pressed against each other’s, his lip ring adding a satisfying pressure as he slowly moved his lips against yours. 

The tip of his tongue swiped over your bottom lip and you let him in as his hands slid down to your lower back. 

His tongue moved against yours, his piercing scraping you and adding a spark you never felt before while kissing someone. 

Hyunjin knew what he was doing, his kiss was deliberate and erotic, not what you expected of him as he claimed every inch of your mouth with his tongue. 

Chills ran up your spine when he pressed his body into yours, your legs wrapping around him automatically.

Hyunjin pushed you into the cold tiles of the pool but you didn’t care when you felt his dick pressing right into your core. 

Both of you moaned into the kiss as your nails lightly scraped his shoulders and his fingers came up to the strap of your bathing suit. 

He pulled on it, making it unravel as your breasts fell out for him to play with. 

“Whoops.” he smirked as he leaned back, looking at you with hooded eyes. 

“Nipple piercings would look perfect on you.” he said as he grabbed your tits, massaging them and playing with your nipples.

“Oh really?” you smirked and he nodded, mirroring your smirk as he pinched your nipples. 

You whimpered, grinding against him and he squeezed your breasts, he was grunting as he moved against you, the water splashing around. 

He leaned in, one hand on the back of your head as his lips attached to your skin, leaving kisses on your neck before he licked at it, his piercing tickling you a little. 

“That feels interesting.” you chuckled as he pressed himself closer to you, his skin against yours, making you feel even hotter. 

“What, my piercings?”

“Yeah.” 

“They’d be even more interesting if you’d let me eat you out.” he smirked as you traced his pretty tattoos with your fingers. 

“What, here?” you chuckled. 

“Not here. We can go back to your room.” he bit on his lip as he searched your eyes. 

Well fuck it, you thought, you were already this far, your mind still not realizing the fact that you’re making out with Hwang Hyunjin, your number one enemy or so he used to be. 

“Sure. In a minute.” you smirked, your hand tangling in his hair as you pulled a little making him hiss and bite on his lip. 

You leaned in, wrapping your lips around his adam's apple and Hyunjin whimpered as you sucked on it. 

“Mm, baby.” he whined as you swiped your tongue on it before kissing and lightly biting on his neck. 

He kept grinding against you and your pussy throbbed for him. 

His hands ran down to your ass as he grabbed you and held you in place, grinding faster against you as you kissed the tattoos on his shoulder and arm, your lips then traveling to his collarbone and chest. 

“You’re driving me crazy, princess.” he almost growled, gripping your ass and making you moan against his wet skin. 

“Am I?” your hand snaked between your bodies, until you found his bulge and gripped it. 

“Fuck!” Hyunjin grunted, fucking into your hand immediately but before he could enjoy it further, you decided to tease him and move your hand away.

“We can go now.” you whispered, turned on beyond your mind as Hyunjin clumsily helped you put your bathing suit on. 

The two of you quickly grabbed your stuff, still half wet, you made your way to your room as Hyunjin held your hand, both of you giggling like two horny teengers.

As soon as you walked in, Hyunjin tossed his towel carelessly on the floor, grabbing your wrists and pinning you to the door before you could even react. 

His thigh slotted between your legs and you whimpered as he flexed his muscle.

“Look at you. Falling apart already and I haven’t even touched your pussy.” he smirked and that feeling of annoyance he always used to give you turned you on in this moment, making you feel even more annoyed that you fell under his charm. 

You squirmed but it only resulted in your core grinding against his hard thigh. 

“Asshole.” you whined and he tightened the grip on your wrists, pressing his thigh harder into your throbbing core as he started moving it against you.

“I am.” he chuckled, leaning in and kissing you more passionately than before, his lips forceful against yours. 

You hated admitting it but you were putty in Hyunjin’s arms and he knew it as he smirked against your lips before pushing his tongue inside and swirling it around yours. 

He swallowed every moan as he kept stealing your breath, your pussy dripping with arousal and need. 

“Let go of my hands.” you whimpered as he left kisses on your jaw and neck. 

“Why?” he smirked against your skin, dragging his tongue on the column of your neck before he sank his teeth into your sensitive spot, right below your ear. 

“Ah!” you moaned, jolting into him as he sucked a mark on your skin. “Because I wanna touch you.” you answered his question. 

“Hm, should I let you?” he chuckled against your collarbone, brushing his lips there. 

“I know you want me to.” you whispered in his ear, pressing a kiss to his cheek and Hyunjin let out a shaky breath before finally releasing your wrists. 

Your hands tangled in his hair instantly as you continued making out desperately, grinding against each other. 

Hyunjin’s large hands traveled all over your body, exploring and groping you, his lips and tongue lazily dragging on the outline of your breasts to your stomach as he kneeled before you. 

You looked at him through hooded eyes as he grabbed your leg and hooked it over his shoulder. 

“I thought you said you’d only kneel for me once.” you smirked and he smirked back at you. 

“Guess I was wrong.” he said before mouthing at your thigh, licking and biting, driving you crazy as he came closer to your core. 

Hyunjin grabbed the straps of your bathing suit, undoing them quickly and leaving you bare. 

“Fuck, such a pretty pussy.” he groaned, pushing his face into your core immediately. 

“Ah!” you jolted when he licked a long stripe on your pussy, his piercing catching onto your clit deliciously. 

“Tastes sweet too.” he smirked at you as you whimpered, your fingers tangling in his hair. 

He spread you apart with his fingers, wrapping his plump lips around your clit and sucking on it. 

“Oh god.” you groaned, banging your head against the door as he slurped on your pussy. 

Your thighs trembled as he swiped his tongue over your clit repeatedly, making sure that his piercing gives you stimulation too. 

You were holding back for some reason and Hyunjin seemed to sense it as he pulled back and looked up at you.

“Pull on my hair as much as you need to, sweetheart. You can pull, scratch, bite, I love it.” he smirked. “You can even slap me again if you’d like.” 

You gripped his hair harshly, making him whimper as you brought his face closer to your core again.

“Keep going.” you said and Hyunjin listened immediately, his tongue diving between your folds to slurp up your juices. 

The sounds his mouth was creating as he kept making out with your wet pussy were downright sinful and you were so lost in it, your head thrown back as you shook and kept pulling on his hair that you didn’t even notice Hyunjin had pulled his swim trunks down, his hand wrapped around his dripping cock as he stroked himself.

Hyunjin was loud and sloppy, constantly moaning into you like he was enjoying this even more than you did. 

Your juices mixed with his saliva dripped down his chin while he kept eating you out like a man starved, like your pussy is the best meal he’s ever had. 

“I’m gonna cum!” you whimpered, grinding against his face, his nose pressing perfectly into your clit. 

“Cum in my mouth baby, please!” Hyunjin whined and you shook as your orgasm washed over you, spilling on his tongue and chin. 

“Mm.” he moaned and licked you up. 

“Bed. Now.” he stood up, wiping his chin with the back of his hand and it took you a moment to realize he was completely naked. 

“Oh.” you stared at his dick, salivating at the thought of having him inside you, he was so long and pretty, curved just a little, his tip red and dripping with pre cum. 

He was perfect, and you needed him in any way you could get him. 

“Princess.” Hyunjin chuckled at your obvious drooling. 

He was growing impatient so he scooped you up before you could protest, getting rid of your bra in the process. 

“I need to have you right now.” he rasped, throwing you on the bed and quickly turning you on all fours as he climbed over you and pressed you into the mattress. 

You whimpered pathetically as he held you down with one hand to your back, your pussy dripping and clenching around nothing, waiting to be filled up to the brim. 

“Oh. Teddy.” Hyunjin noticed his friend still chilling on your bed. “This is not for your eyes.” he grabbed the bear and stood up, putting it in the chair and turning him around. 

“Sorry, son.” he added as you stared up at him from the bed and chuckled. 

“He can still hear us, you know.” you said as Hyunjin climbed back up on top of you.

“Mm, I hope everyone does. Don’t want you holdin’ back. I want you to be as loud as you can.” Hyunjin smirked above you, lifting your middle up and snaking his hand around to play with your sensitive clit. 

“Yeah? Then fuck me as hard as you can, Hyunjin.” you moaned, pushing back into him, trying to get him closer. 

“I hope you know what you’re asking for.” 

You felt the tip of his cock prodding at you and you gasped as he slowly pushed in, the tip breaching your entrance and spreading you to take him.

“Oh my god, fuck!” you moaned as he gripped your hips and kept stretching you, pushing more and more in until he bottomed out, his cock finding a warm home inside your clenching pussy.

“You’re so tight, baby.” his eyes rolled back as he pulled out to the tip, then pushed back into you harshly, making you whimper loudly as you fisted the sheets beneath you. 

“Yeah.” he moaned as he started fucking you with a semi-fast pace immediately, his hand coming up to push your face into the mattress. 

“Fuck yeah, take it. Take it like a good slut.” Hyunjin groaned as you whimpered and gasped while he rocked his hips into you hard. 

“H-Hyunjin, ah!” you whimpered when his tip hit the spot and he angled his hips to keep hitting into it hard, the sound of skin slapping skin filling up the room together with the sounds your pussy was making while he kept stuffing you with his cock. 

You couldn’t even hold on and you collapsed down as Hyunjin kept fucking you harshly into the mattress, pulling on your hair and giving you a few harsh spanks that made your ass red instantly. 

You kept babbling nonsense as he fucked you like a mad man, gripping your breasts or your waist, his hands couldn’t decide where to stay ‘cause he wanted all of you. 

Your orgasm shook your whole body, from your head to your toes as you creamed around his throbbing cock for what seemed like the longest time, your pleasure kept prolonging as he brushed against your spot constantly. 

Hyunjin smacked your ass again, a dark chuckle escaping his lips as you whimpered. 

“Fuck, she’s trying to milk me, isn’t she? You want that, baby? You want my cum?” 

“Y-yes, I want it!” you whined. 

“Yeah? Do you really want it?” Hyunjin smirked, teasing you, the annoying bastard. 

“Yes I do!” you moaned as he kept his pace, the weight of his body pressing you down as his breath hit your cheek. 

“Beg for it, darling.” he whispered in your ear and you groaned in annoyance, your fingers digging into the bed. 

You bit on your lip, trying to disobey him as much as you could and he chuckled darkly, grabbing your hands and pinning your wrists on your lower back. 

“You don’t like the way the tables have turned, hm? I don’t hear you begging. Do you want me to stop?” Hyunjin slowed down, his free hand traveling down your thigh and then back up towards your waist, making you shiver. 

“P-please…” you whimpered quietly, losing your mind and dignity. 

“Please what, princess?”

“P-please… Cum inside me, Hyunjin.” you moaned and he chuckled again, picking up speed as he released your hands only to grip your hips. 

You were almost screaming from the strength he was fucking you with, his hips stuttering as he dug his nails into your flesh. 

“Louder baby, louder.” he groaned, you could feel droplets of his sweat falling down and hitting your back. 

You moaned louder and you were sure people could hear you outside but you didn’t care as you came around his length again, moments later Hyunjin finally exploded inside you, filling you up with his warm cum. 

“Fuck, y/n…” he whimpered as he shook above you, pulling out as his arms wrapped around you.

He held you for a few quiet minutes while both of you were trying to catch your breath and calm down. 

He left little kisses on your shoulder as your brain became less foggy and the reality of what happened between you settled in, making your heart skip a beat and then continue to beat fast. 

Hyunjin finally rolled over and got up and you laid still, feeling a little embarrassed and self-conscious.

You remembered swearing to yourself once that you’d never sleep with him or have any kind of relationship with someone who seemingly never takes any of those things seriously but here you were. 

At least you could admit to yourself that he was the best fuck you ever had. 

Hyunjin came back with a warm wet cloth and a water bottle. 

“Let me clean you up.” he said and you looked up at him. “You okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m okay.” you answered dismissively and Hyunjin raised his eyebrow. 

“Drink some water.” he said as you sat up. 

God, he was more beautiful than ever.

His hair disheveled, his body sweaty and on display for you, a loopy smile on his face as he sat there naked, vulnerable, yours. 

“You wanna shower together?” he asked as you put the bottle down. 

“You know this changes everything between us?” you ignored his question and his smile fell. 

“Of course I do.” he touched your cheek, leaning in to kiss you. 

His lips were addicting and you couldn’t push him away. 

“Now let’s get in that shower.”

-

“Hyunjin. Y/n. Come to my room this instant.” Anthony sounded furious when he called you, just as you were eating some breakfast you had ordered after the shower. 

“Can we at least finish eating?” Hyunjin whined with his mouth full, his lips pouty. 

“Now!” Anthony yelled, making Hyunjin jolt as you looked at him with wide eyes. 

“Y’all are in big trouble!” you heard Aiden yell in the background. 

“We’ll be right there.” you said and Anthony hung up. 

“Wow, he sounds really mad.” Hyunjin frowned. 

“Let’s go find out what we did.” 

Anthony’s room wasn’t too far from yours and you were there in a matter of minutes. 

“You two!” Anthony looked like he was fuming, smoke coming out of his ears, his face bright red as his chest rose up and down deeply. 

Ana stood behind him like an angry mother, her hands on her hips as she tapped her foot. 

Aiden and Brendon were sitting on the bed, looking sulky. 

“What is going on?” you asked. 

“Have you two lost your fucking mind?!” Anthony seethed. 

“What did we do?!” Hyunjin’s tone got defensive immediately.

“They didn’t even look at social media.” Ana shook her head. 

“This is what you did!” Anthony gave you his phone and you gasped when you saw it. 

Someone was on the balcony above the hotel pool last night, taking pictures of you and Hyunjin. 

There were hundreds of articles, even a video circling the net where the two of you were going at it, making out passionately and touching each other.

The only lucky thing was that the guy didn’t manage to get any audio. 

You quickly grabbed your phone and saw that you had millions of tags on the pics and comments people left on your posts. 

Most of them were hate comments directed towards you, calling you a whore and lots of other endearing names, others were of horny people saying that Hyunjin was a lucky bastard getting to fuck someone like you. 

They were all demeaning comments, even the ones that seemed to be on ‘your side’. 

Your eyes welled up with tears as you started panicking. 

Hyunjin looked furious. 

“Who is this guy? Is he still in the hotel? ‘Cause if he is, my friends here,” he lifted his fists. “,will come pay him a nice fucking visit.” 

“There’s no point, Hyunjin. It’s already done. This could damage the band, it’s practically a sex tape.” Ana said. 

“I don’t feel so good.” you quickly sat down on the sofa and Hyunjin was on your side immediately. 

“Fuck, this is my fault!” he said frustratingly. “I made you come to the pool with me. I should’ve never done that.”

“You couldn’t predict this Jinnie, it’s not your fault. At least your shoulders were covering up my tits.” you shrugged, swallowing your tears. 

Hyunjin smiled at you as you looked up at him. 

“Something funny?” you asked. 

“No, you just called me Jinnie.” he swooned, his arm wrapping around you. 

“Ew, get a room.” Brendon acted like he was throwing up. 

“Shut up.” Hyunjin warned his bandmate before looking back at you. 

“I knew I’d get under your skin one day.” he whispered in your ear, smirking as he nosed your cheek before pressing a kiss to it. 

“Yeah, yeah. That really ended up biting me in the ass.” you rolled your eyes, shivering a little. 

“Okay, do that later. We need to figure out what to do about this!” Anthony said. 

“Nothing.” Hyunjin shrugged. “I don’t care about it. They didn’t see anything they shouldn’t have. In those pics and videos you can only see my back and the side of y/n’s face. Nothing I’m worried about. I don’t care if they know about us getting together. They’d find out eventually anyways. I’m just glad they didn’t see what’s for my eyes only.” he smirked at you and you smacked his arm annoyingly. 

“Is it now?” 

“Yes, it is.” he nodded. 

“What do you think, y/n?” Ana asked. 

“I agree with Hyunjin to an extent. Lots of celebs had scandals like this and nothing happened to them. I mean, we can still continue with our tour normally, right?”

“Well, we have to. The next show is in 6 hours.” Anthony sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Just don’t do this shit again. I will deal with the guy who took these and everything else. The four of you just focus on the show tonight and no more fucking in public places.”

“Is that a challenge?” Hyunjin smirked and you smacked him again. 

“Ow!” he whined and you rolled your eyes. 

You were still trying to process that all your fans have seen you kissing Hyunjin. 

-

It was almost time for the show and Hyunjin insisted on getting ready in your room, dragging his luggage there. 

Ever since last night, you couldn’t pry him off of you. 

Currently, he was sitting on your bed shirtless, all of his makeup and skincare products thrown haphazardly in front of him as he rummaged through them. 

You quickly grabbed your phone, taking a few pics of his cute pouty thinking face as he sifted through his eyeshadows. 

You pressed play on your phone, now filming a video. 

You zoomed in on his face and snorted.

“Here we can see the last brain cell of Hwang Hyunjin trying to plan out a suitable makeup look for the show tonight.” you said and he looked up, his face breaking into a smile. 

“And here we can witness the last brain cell of y/n l/n focusing so hard on me.” he said into the camera, puffing his chest out.

“Riiiiight.” you zoomed in on his nipples. 

“Are you filming my tits?” he asked, chuckling. 

“Maybe.” you smirked at him. 

“And I’m the deviant one. Can you believe this teddy?” he looked at his plush friend who was chilling on the bed next to him. 

You turned the camera to the bear as Hyunjin grabbed its head and shook it left and right in disapproval. 

You turned it off with a giggle, putting your phone aside as you stood up and made your way towards the bed. 

Hyunjin looked up at you as you neared him. 

You sat behind him, your hands on his back instantly. 

“What are you thinking of doing?” you asked, lips pressing into his flower tattoos. 

“I’m thinking you’re gonna make me hard again if you keep touching me.” he looked back at you. 

“Are you that easy?” you smirked as you kept kissing him tentatively, your hands on his waist, caressing him. 

“For you, definitely.” he said, grabbing a small eyeshadow palette. 

“Good to know.” you smirked as you kept kissing him, your hands roaming on his abs. 

“Do you think I should get a belly button piercing?” he asked as you touched him, your fingers dipping down to his happy trail as you played with it, making him shiver. 

“Why not? It would look sexy on you.” you answered, moving his hair to the side so you could attach your lips to his neck. 

“You really want to distract me, huh?” he let out a breath, trying to get his smoky eye look right while you teased him. 

“Mhm.” you kept kissing, licking and biting on him while he put his makeup on. 

“Shit!” he exclaimed, jolting as your hand snaked down to palm his growing bulge. 

“I almost poked my eye out!” he whined, but still leaned into you. 

“Shh. Concentrate.” you smirked against his skin, your hand traveling into his pants as you gripped him. 

“Naughty girl.” he smirked, looking at your lustful expression in the mirror he held up while finishing up his look. 

“Oh yes.” you grinned, taking his cock out and stroking him. 

“Y/n.” Hyunjin whined. “W-what do you think?” he turned a little, showing you his finished look as you played with his slit. 

“Pretty.” you smirked, your other hand caressing his thigh before you grabbed his balls unexpectedly. 

“Ah!” he moaned, leaning back into you as he tossed the eyeshadow palette aside. 

You sped up and Hyunjin gave in so easily that you were impressed, he was completely putty in your embrace, letting you have your way with him. 

“Wait! Turn my son around, please.” he said and you chuckled, squeezing him and earning a groan from him. 

“He can’t see anyways. My back is turned towards him.” you looked back at the teddy as your hand traveled up to Hyunjin’s nipples, playing with them as you continued stroking him. 

“O-okay.” he moaned, lifting up and fucking into your hand. 

“You like it, hm?” you nibbled on his ear as he thrashed against you. 

“Y-yeah. Don’t stop, oh my god!” he grunted, gripping at your thighs as you pressed into his back, your legs wrapped around him, your hand skillfully playing with his throbbing cock. 

“You wanna cum, Jinnie?” you giggled. 

“Yes, please.” 

“You’re cute when you beg.” you bit on his neck.

“Shut up!” he groaned but continued fucking up into your hand, desperately chasing his high. 

You laughed, licking at the new bruise you created on his neck as you doubled your efforts. 

Hyunjin mewled, his legs trembling as you jerked him off fast, flicking your wrist. 

“Fuck!” he groaned as he dug his nails into your thighs, his length twitching in your hold, as he spilled all over your hand and his stomach. 

You chuckled, kissing his cheek and jawline. 

“That was unexpected and hot.” he looked back at you and you shrugged.

“What can I say, I’m full of surprises like that.” smirking, you got up. 

“Well get dressed, we’re on in less than an hour.” you said smugly, enjoying the way you had Hyunjin literally in the palm of your hand. 

“Already?! Fuck!” he got up, running to the bathroom looking silly and almost tripping over his sweatpants as you laughed at him. 

“Laugh now, until I get back at you, darling!” he yelled out.

“Can’t wait!” you shook your head with a smile, packing the rest of your stuff. 

Everyone gathered at the bus, the roadies helping with putting your stuff back in as they had already unloaded everything needed for the venue. 

Hyunjin grabbed your wrist, scaring you for a moment as you were looking at your phone. 

“What?” you looked up at him, seeing his mischievous expression. 

“Come here for a sec.” he led you away, tucking both of you behind the parked bus. 

“Wha-” he stopped you as he cupped your face and pressed his lips against yours.

You melted into him, wrapping your hands around his waist, bringing him closer as your bodies pressed together.

“Our good luck kiss.” he said when you parted. 

“Sure.” you giggled, kissing him once again. “Let’s go before they get mad at us.” you added. 

“Just so you know…” his hand traveled down as he cupped your pussy through your pants, making you gasp in shock as you gripped at his shoulders. 

“I will have my way with you later.” he smirked, kissing your forehead like he wasn’t saying nasty shit to you.

“If I let you.” you pushed him a little but he just chuckled. 

“Oh, you’ll be begging for it, sweetheart.” 

-

The show was fun and crazy like always, the fans that were there didn’t seem to care about the ‘sex tape’ scandal, everyone was enjoying the performance. 

Hyunjin was even more energetic than usual, jumping up and down, dancing, screaming and doing all sorts of crazy shit. 

He made a point of looking back at you multiple times with the biggest smile on his face. 

In the middle of the performance, Hyunjin took his tanktop off as it was clinging to his sweaty body and getting in the way, so he tossed it into the audience and people almost beat each other up to grab it. 

You smirked to yourself, they may have his sweaty shirt but you had all of him last night. 

Hyunjin flirted with the fans of course, this time coming down closer to them and letting them touch him. 

You would lie if you said it didn’t make you mad, you were realizing it just then; you wanted Hyunjin all to yourself. 

Your mind managed to spiral even on stage while you played the familiar grooves automatically, and flashes of Hyunjin with different girls ran through your mind. 

What if this was just a fling?

What if he didn’t look at this seriously?

You didn’t want to fall for him but in your mind you knew it was already too late. 

You hoped he wasn’t just using you because having your heart broken for what feels like the hundredth time in your life isn’t something you’d want to go through again. 

Especially not with him. 

When the show ended and you ran backstage, Hyunjin wrapped his arms around your waist and lifted you up, spinning you around as you squealed.

“Put me down, I’m gonna puke!” you whined, feeling dizzy. 

He put you down before crashing his lips against yours. 

“I want you so bad right now.” he muttered against your lips as you touched his chest. 

“You should wash off the fans’ handprints first.” you pushed him and he chuckled. 

“Aw, are you jealous?” he grinned. 

“No, you’re just gross.” 

“Liar. You’re so jealous.” 

“Am not.”

“Don’t worry, baby. I’m all yours.” he smirked. 

“Sure.” you said and Hyunjin frowned, pursing his lips. 

“Let’s go party, assholes!” Aiden appeared, all giddy from the show, stopping Hyunjin mid-thought. 

“Yeah, and put on a shirt, Hwang!” Brendon winked with a smirk. 

You were dragged to an exclusive afterparty without your consent but you were thirsty anyways so you ordered a beer. 

During the evening as you mingled, you lost sight of Hyunjin. 

“Where’s Hyunjin?” you asked Aiden as he joined you at the bar. 

“Beats me.” he shrugged. 

You were about to look for him when he walked in, stumbling as some random girl held onto his wrists. 

“What the hell?” you muttered, anger overtaking you instantly. 

She was all over him, and you noticed he was trying to push her away but was too drunk. 

You made your way towards them when suddenly she slapped him across the face and you gasped, boiling with anger. 

“Hey, bitch.” you said as you stood next to Hyunjin and her eyes widened when she saw you. 

“Y/n! You’re here!” Hyunjin clung onto you immediately, his face dazed. 

You ignored him as you lifted your hand up, dealing a strong slap to the girl’s face. 

She gasped, holding onto her cheek as she almost tripped over her feet.

“Touch him again and I’ll break your fake nose.” 

“Woah!” Hyunjin stumbled as he held onto your arm. “She’s serious, I wouldn’t mess with her.” he said to the girl who quickly scrambled away.

“Baby. You defended me.” he pouted at you, trying to kiss you. 

“Oh my god, Hyunjin. You’re shitfaced. Come on, we’re leaving, you need some air.” you led him out, quickly telling Aiden you’ll be by the bus. 

“Why did she even slap you?”

“I might’ve called her a whore?” he grimaced. “She tried to kiss me and I said no! I have a girlfriend! I meant you.”

“Yes, I understand Hyunjin.” you shook your head, your face heating up. 

“That was so hot how you slapped her.” Hyunjin nuzzled into you as he hugged you from the back while you were trying to unlock the bus door so you could find a water bottle for him. 

“Yeah?” 

“Mhm. My cheek hurts though. Will you kiss it better?” he asked, burying his face into your hair. 

“Sure. As soon as you sober up a little.” you said, finally opening the door as the two of you climbed in. 

“You know what else hurts?” Hyunjin smirked, leaning on the table and almost falling down. 

“What?” you raised your eyebrow, grabbing a water bottle out of the fridge.

“My dick.” he grinned. 

“Just shut up and drink some water.” you shoved the water in his hand as he giggled. 

You were annoyed, wondering if you were overthinking things and Hyunjin acting all nonchalant made you feel even more angry. 

That kind of attitude he always had bugged you, it seemed as if he took everything in stride, as if he wasn’t afraid of losing anything, as if he took nothing seriously, like nothing mattered to him other than himself. 

“What’s wrong?” he pouted, trying to hug you.

And you hated how he could read you like a book. 

“Nothing. We’ll talk when you’re sober.” you said, folding your arms on your chest. 

“Are you mad at me?” he swallowed. 

“I don’t know.” you shrugged. 

“You don’t know?” he tilted his head as you avoided his eyes. 

“I’m mad at myself.”

“Why?”

“Because… Just because.” you shook your head. “I don’t wanna get into it.”

“Is it because of the girl?” he looked at you confusedly.

“No Hyunjin, it’s because of all the girls. The way you act like it means nothing to you so whatever this is between us probably doesn’t matter to you either. You only look to satisfy yourself, not caring about hurting someone else’s feelings. And frankly, I can’t deal with that. I can’t believe I’m saying this to you but I want something real, I don’t want to be used for your pleasure and then thrown away like I was just one of your little groupies.” you couldn’t stop talking, a weight lifting off of your chest. 

“Is that all you think of me? That I’m so shallow and conceited?” he asked, seemingly sobered up all of a sudden.

“I’ve never seen proof of the opposite.” 

“Fuck then let me prove it to you! Of course I care about your feelings, y/n and I never looked at you as one of those groupies. I don’t need anyone but you and this means everything to me.” he shook his head. 

“What?” you were in disbelief, Hyunjin had never sounded so serious before. 

“There you are.” Ana came in, followed by the rest of the gang, and you leaned away from Hyunjin.

“I’m gonna go shower.” you used the situation to slip away. 

Your thoughts were racing as you stood under the warm water. 

Was he telling the truth?

You went through a rollercoaster of emotions, too exhausted to think after the whole day. 

You laid in your bunk as everyone settled in to sleep after showering and eating some dinner. 

It didn’t take long for Hyunjin to climb up. 

“Hey.” he whispered as you sat, expecting him to show up. 

“Hey.” you said and he smiled. 

“So, are you gonna give me a chance?” he bit on his lip, playing with his lip ring nervously. 

You sighed, studying his expression. 

He looked sincere, scared even, his eyes becoming big as he pleaded. 

“Okay.” you said and he chuckled.

“Yes!” he exclaimed.

“Shh. You’ll wake everyone up. And don’t fucking waste this chance, Hyunjin. Because it’s the only one you’ll get.” you warned him as he crawled closer to you.

“I promise I’ll make the best of it.” he said, leaning in to kiss you. 

You didn’t even realize how much you missed his kisses, when it has been hours since you last felt his sweet lips on yours. 

“Remember what I said earlier?” he smirked, lowering his voice as his hands massaged your thighs. 

“Mm?” you mirrored his smirk, pretending to be clueless.

“I’m gonna have my way with you now.” he grabbed you, pulling you to lay under him as you gasped in surprise. 

Hyunjin’s fingers trailed up your thigh with feather-like touches up your already dripping pussy. 

He ran his fingertips over your clothed folds, drawing a deep breath from you. 

“I took off my rings.” he whispered, wiggling his fingers.

“I can see that.” you whispered back as he found your clit, pressing into it and touching you teasingly, slowly.

 He kept smirking at you smugly as he hooked his fingers into your shorts, pulling them down with your panties, noticing you wore lacy ones under your pjs. 

“Cute panties. Shame they came off too soon.” he giggled as you lightly slapped his arm, your face becoming red in embarrassment.

“I’m keeping them.” he said, putting them aside as you rolled your eyes with a smirk. 

Hyunjin leaned over you, his face inches away from you as his lips hovered over yours. 

“You have to be a good girl and keep quiet. Can you do that, princess?” he said, his fingers back on your clit as he started massaging it in circles, making you arch your back towards him. 

“Y-yeah.” you whispered, your eyes fluttering.

“If you make a sound, I will stop.” Hyunjin gave you that famous shit eating grin.

“No, I’ll be quiet!” you whispered.

“Good. Now shut up, darling.” he said with a smirk, his fingers teasing your folds. 

You bit on your lip as he teased you, playing with your clit as he pinched it occasionally, almost making you moan. 

He was enjoying how wet you were getting as he concentrated on your sensitive nub, his other hand traveling beneath your shirt to play with your breasts. 

“You look so cute like this.” he said and you wanted to slap him for the condescending tone he used, but at the same time your pussy clenched, a gush of arousal dripping out of you. 

“You know why?” he added as he observed you, his fingers dipping between your wet folds as he teased you. 

You shook your head no. 

“Because only I get to see you like this. Only I get to unravel you, sweetheart.” he looked at you lustfully as he slowly pushed his fingers in, making you gasp as your legs trembled for a moment. 

Your pussy sucked two of his fingers right in as he chuckled under his breath. 

“You take me so well.” he bit on his lip as he slowly moved his fingers, massaging your inner walls. 

“Ngh.” you moaned, pushing up into his hand, begging for more, deeper, faster. 

“Sweet girl.” he whispered, leaning in to kiss your jawline and neck. 

You melted, your legs opening up completely for him as he fucked into you a bit faster, curling his fingers to find that spot. 

“Look at you.” he pinched your nipple and you swallowed a moan. “So giving.” Hyunjin chuckled darkly as your legs shook. 

He sped up, finding that spot and making you moan quietly as you bit on your lip hard. 

“Am I making it difficult for you?” 

The fucking bastard. 

“Answer me.” he said sternly and you whimpered. 

“Yes, you are.” you said and Hyunjin chuckled.

“Good.”

The bunk bed filled up with sounds of your wet pussy as you dripped all over his hand, your entire body was trembling, your heart beating fast as your eyes rolled in the back of your head, you’ve never been this aroused in your life.

“T-they’re gonna hear…” you whimpered silently as Hyunjin kept abusing your pussy with his fingers, pistoning them into your heat as you clenched around him, trying to ignore the enormous pressure building up inside you. 

“Oh yes, they are. They’ll hear what a filthy slut you are for me. They’ll hear your little pussy sucking my fingers in. You’re so nasty, baby.” he fucked you even harder as you gasped.

“F-fuck! I-I can’t…” you thrashed against the bed, tears gathering in your eyes as you tried to squeeze your legs around his arm involuntarily. 

“Come on, let go for me.” he looked smug as he fucked you fast, his eyes full of lust. 

You almost cried out, biting on your lower lip hard, drawing blood as the metallic taste filled up your mouth, making your mind float. 

“God, you really want to edge yourself.” he smirked.

Tears slid down your cheeks as you trembled violently and you bit down on your arm, finally not being able to hold in anymore as you exploded, squirting all over your thighs and Hyunjin’s hand as he fucked you through your orgasm, his other hand abusing your sensitive clit. 

“That’s my good girl. I’m proud of you.” he pulled his fingers out as you gasped, watching him as he licked at his hand. 

You were in shock, never having finished this violently that the muscles in your legs were cramping, never has a man managed to make you squirt. 

“Y/n?” Hyunjin leaned over you, wiping your tears. 

“I-I never squirted before.” you admitted and Hyunjin smiled proudly. 

“Really?” he looked excited suddenly and you chuckled. 

“Really.” you nodded. 

“Well, I’m gonna make you squirt again.” he smirked and you looked down, realizing he was stroking himself. 

You had no idea when he took his pants off. 

“Mhm.” you wrapped your legs around him. 

“Mm. So wet.” he pressed his tip against you, massaging your folds with it. 

“Just put it in.” you gripped at him and he smiled, burying his face in your neck. 

“A little needy, I see.” he said and you made your point by bringing him closer with your legs so that his tip slipped inside you, making him moan into your skin quietly. 

“You’re just as needy for me.” you tangled your hand in his soft hair, inhaling his shampoo, your other hand caressing his back as he pushed his cock inside you slowly, bottoming out as you gasped quietly.

“I am.” he said, kissing your neck as he started rocking his hips into you, his hands gripping your waist. 

“I’m not gonna last long. Watching you squirt for me almost made me cum.”

“Mm, it’s okay, Jinnie.” you wrapped your arms around him as he whimpered quietly into your skin. 

“Say that again.” he nibbled at your ear, rutting into you desperately. 

“What, Jinnie?”

“Yeah.” his cock was hitting all the right spots inside you, the pressure you felt before building up quickly again. 

You dug your nails into his shoulders and he hissed, biting on your neck, his hand on your hip and the other on your breast as he squeezed it. 

“Jinnie. My Jinnie.” you whined quietly and he groaned as the bed started creaking, now it was more than obvious what you were doing. 

“Fuck, tell me I’m yours.” Hyunjin moaned, grabbing your wrists and pinning them on either side of your head as his hips snapped into yours, his pubic hair brushing against your clit deliciously, adding more friction to your sensitive parts. 

“You’re mine, Hyunjin. All mine.” you moaned and he kissed you sloppily as you clenched around his cock. 

“I’m all yours, princess.” he pressed his forehead against yours and you whimpered, exploding around him as you squirted again, your nails drawing blood on his back. 

“Shit!” Hyunjin’s entire body trembled as he pushed deeper inside you, his cock twitching as he filled you up with spurts of hot cum. 

“Mm.” you moaned. 

“Take it all, baby. Milk me dry.” he groaned as your eyes filled up with tears of pleasure and you came once again, squeezing around his length, forcing him to spill every little drop he had inside you. 

“Fuck.” Hyunjin collapsed on top of you, both of you wet and sweaty as you wrapped around each other. 

“You think they heard?” you asked after some time and Hyunjin lifted up to look at you, caressing your face.

“Oh yeah, definitely.” he smirked.

“Bastard.” you squinted your eyes with a smile as he giggled. 

“You can call me anything you want as long as you keep calling me yours.” he said, kissing your lips gently. 

“I take it this is your way of asking me to be your girlfriend?” you asked, carding your fingers through his damp hair.

“I don’t have to ask, baby. You’re already mine.” he bit on his lip, his eyes filling up with lust again. 

He was going to drive you crazy and you loved it. 

-

The next morning as Hyunjin and you walked into the living area of the bus, everyone looked up at you with knowing smirks. 

“Oh, Jinnie, ah!” Aiden started moaning so Hyunjin came up to him and smacked the back of his head. 

“Shut up, dickhead.” Hyunjin said as your face heated up. 

“So, are you guys like together now?” Brendon asked. 

“Yes, we are.” you answered, pouring yourself some coffee.

“Finally! Y’all owe me 20 bucks each!” Brendon said as everyone around the table groaned.

“You bet on us getting together?” 

“We all bet on when you are going to get together. I was the closest.” he smirked as you shook your head. 

Hyunjin ignored them, pulling you to sit in his lap. 

“You two are gonna be disgusting all the time now.” Aiden scrunched his face up. 

“You’re just jealous.” Hyunjin smirked at his friend, pulling you flush against his back as you sipped on your coffee. 

“Yeah, I am.” Aiden sighed. “Oh, now we have two couples here.” he added and everyone looked at Ana and Anthony who were quiet almost the whole time. 

“Oh I knew there was something there.” you chuckled. 

“Well… seems like we’re still single.” Brendon winked at Aiden, his hand on Aiden’s thigh as he leaned in, making an exaggerated kissy face at him.

“Ew, get away from me!” Aiden pushed him as everyone laughed. 

“Gimme a sip.” Hyunjin leaned on your shoulder, pursing his lips as he looked at your coffee cup. 

You giggled, turning on his lap a little as you gave him your coffee. 

The bus parked in the designated place as Stu joined you.

“I’m not even gonna ask.” he looked at the two of you.

“By the way, I have something for you.” Hyunjin whispered, kissing your shoulder as everyone got back to scrolling on their phones or conversing. 

“Oh yeah? What is it?” 

“Come, I’ll show you outside. Bring the coffee.” he nudged you with his leg and you squealed, getting up. 

The two of you sat nearby, as Hyunjin pulled out his cigarettes. 

“Want one?” he asked. 

“We can share.” you shrugged and he smiled, lighting it up. 

He puffed out the smoke then took a sip of coffee.

“So, what did you want to show me?” 

“You know how I have a favorite guitar pick? My lucky red one, I always play with it?” he started.

“Yes, what about it?” you asked, curiously tilting your head. 

He reached into his pocket, smiling as his cheeks became rosy.

“I made it into a necklace for you.” 

“Oh.” your heart skipped a beat, you were touched. “When did you do that?” 

“Well, after that night I slept over in your bunk bed for the first time.” Hyunjin admitted, looking at his feet.

“Woah. Then?” you were shocked at the revelation. 

“Yeah, I knew you’d be mine before the end of the tour.” he smirked.

“Did you now?” you asked, grabbing the cigarette from his hand.

“It was my mission to annoy you so much that you finally cave.” he wiggled his eyebrows and you puffed the smoke out into his face.

“Well, it worked.” you said. 

“I’m glad it did.” he motioned for you to turn around so he could put the necklace on you. 

“Thank you, this is really sweet.” you said as you played with it. 

“No need to thank me. I, ugh, also wanna tell you something.” he added and you nodded.

“Are you aware that you inspired almost all of my songs? So, it’s kinda funny that you’re playing songs that are actually about you.” he said and you choked on the coffee as you started coughing. 

“Shit, are you okay?” he quickly tapped your back with his hand.

“Some of the songs are years old…” you said as he cautiously took the cigarette from between your fingers and brought it to his lips.

“Mhm.” he nodded, looking at you as you processed the information. 

“You… always liked me?” you frowned and Hyunjin nodded.

“But why did you bug me like that all the time, making me think you hate me?” you asked. 

“This is gonna sound like a bunch of bullshit. But you seemed to hate me from the day we met and I was scared of you. I thought if I ever tried to approach you normally you’d spit in my face and tell me to fuck off.” 

“You’re right. That does sound like a bunch of bullshit.” you looked at him annoyingly as you pinched his arm hard, making him yelp.

“What was that for?!” he whimpered.

“For being an idiot.” you said and he whined. 

“What did I do now?” 

“I liked you right away, Hyunjin. But I saw how you treated Macy, and concluded that you were just some pretty heartless bastard who played with girls like they’re toys so I decided to hate you so I’d stop liking you.” 

“Who’s Macy?” he looked at you confusedly and you pinched him again.

“Ow!” he yelped, rubbing at his arm. 

“The girl you dated back then? The curly blonde who worked in the company?”

“Oh, I forgot her name. We only hooked up like four times. It meant nothing to me- ow!” you pinched his arm again.

“Stop with the abuse!” he whined and you chuckled.

“See, that is exactly what I was talking about.” you scolded him and he pouted.

“I know you just called me a heartless bastard but you also called me pretty so I’m gonna ignore the rest.” he said, making a weird face as he leaned away from you.

“What are you doing?” you gave him the elevator eyes.

“Trying not to get pinched again?” he answered and you let out a laugh.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.” you said and he squinted at you.

“Look, I promise!” you lifted your hands up in surrender.

Hyunjin exhaled, chuckling as he moved the coffee cup aside and scooted closer to you, wrapping his arm around you. 

“I promise I know your name.” he teased.

“Hyunjin!” you smacked his chest, laughing as he chuckled, pulling you into a hug.

“In all seriousness, I plan on being totally devoted to you.” he said, kissing your cheek. “You’re my ride or die.”

“I like that.” you smiled, your heart leaping out of your chest as butterflies swarmed in your stomach. 

“Me too.” Hyunjin leaned in, kissing you passionately as you almost climbed into his lap.

“Save that for later, we need to practice!” Brendon yelled suddenly and the two of you parted, seeing everyone piled up on the windows, staring at you.

“Nosy bastards.” you chuckled fondly as Hyunjin pecked your lips.

“Come on, we gotta rock the stage tonight.” he got up, reaching his hand towards you. 

You knew tonight was going to be completely different. 

And it was.

You listened to the lyrics carefully, realizing that Hyunjin had really been singing about you this whole time and you were clueless, thinking he was writing songs about his little groupies or the girls he hooked up with, but there was only one girl who was his muse and it was you. 

-

It was quiet in the bus the next morning, the end of the tour was near so  Hyunjin and you decided to take some time to chill in the back of the vehicle.

There was a big bed there, and when your friends saw the two of you leaving to the ‘fuck room’ as the called it, they decided to disperse away, with Aiden yelling ‘Don’t forget to change the sheets!’ as he left.

You were enjoying a peaceful moment, Hyunjin sitting on the bed with his guitar as he picked at it absentmindedly, playing random melodies. 

You were looking up tattoo designs, thinking that it was finally time to get one of your own. 

Hyunjin’s playing soothed you and you were lulled into a calm state until he started playing a familiar melody, making you jolt. 

You turned to look at him and he grinned at you. 

Hyunjin was playing your warm up song, the one you wrote when you were little. 

“H-how did you-” you started and he chuckled. 

“You think I never paid attention to you?” he licked his lip as he continued playing. 

“Stalker.” you smiled, your face heating up. 

“A romantic stalker.” he snickered and you shook your head at him. 

He smiled at you fondly, suddenly singing the lyrics. 

You couldn’t believe he knew the song by heart, it almost made your eyes tear up so you turned away from him. 

Hyunjin stopped playing and you felt the bed shift before he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you against him. 

“I’m sorry if I upset you.” he whispered, peppering your cheek and jaw with kisses. 

“No, I was touched. That song means a lot to me.” you said as Hyunjin squeezed you tighter. 

“I know, baby.” he said, dragging his bottom lip on your skin, his lip ring brushing against you and making you shiver. 

“Are you looking up tattoo designs?” Hyunjin peered over your shoulder, leaning his chin on it. 

“Yeah, but I can’t find a perfect one.”

“I can sketch one for you.” he said and you looked back at him.

“You’d do that?” you asked and he nodded with a smile. 

“Of course! We could even get matching tattoos.” he smirked. 

“You do know those are forever?” you bit on your lip and Hyunjin’s cheeks flushed.

“Yeah, I know.” 

You searched his eyes for a moment before turning towards him and crashing your lips into his.

Hyunjin moaned against you as you kissed him desperately, your tongue playing with his lip ring shortly before you pushed it into his mouth. 

Hyunjin’s eyes rolled back as you gripped his hair, pulling his head back harshly. 

He groaned, grabbing at your waist and you pressed your middle into his, grinding against him instantly. 

“B-baby…” he whimpered against your lips as you felt him grow under you. 

“Jinnie.” you smirked, your lips on his jaw and neck as you slid your arms under his shirt, caressing his abs. 

Hyunjin let out the most delicious moans as you kissed him and touched him, every little sound made more arousal gather on your panties. 

He chased your lips when you looked up at him but you pressed your palms on his chest, pushing him down on the bed as he fell with a thud, his arms on either side of his head.

He smirked at you as you tugged at his clothes. 

“Princess, are you needy for me?” he asked, his voice raspy and eyes lustful as you practically ripped his pants off. 

“Shut up Hyunjin. I’m gonna use you.” you smirked, taking his shirt off. 

“Use me however you want, baby. It’s all yours - ah!” he whined when you slid his boxers down, grabbing his cock and playing with it, teasing his slit with your thumb as you slid down. 

“Y/n…” Hyunjin gasped when your breath hit his navel. 

You didn’t answer, you were too busy as you licked a stripe on his length, following the vein all the way to the tip where you played with his slit. 

“Oh my god!” Hyunjin groaned. 

You giggled, your eyes crazed with lust as you spit on his cock, jerking off only his tip and Hyunjin’s legs trembled for a moment. 

“Fuck, you’re so nasty baby.” he hissed. 

“Am I?” you leaned in closer, teasing his tip with your tongue again. 

“Stop teasing me.” Hyunjin already sounded breathless. 

“Or what?” you smirked before wrapping your lips around him as you started sucking him off fast instantly, like he was the tastiest lollipop and Hyunjin jolted, moaning loudly. 

“Shit!” he exclaimed as you sucked him off like no tomorrow, quickly swallowing his entire length as your nose pressed into his pubic hair, the tip of his cock hitting the back of your throat and making you gag around him.

Hyunjin gathered your hair into a makeshift ponytail as you gripped his thighs, bracing yourself while you sucked him dry. 

“Such a nasty slut. Drooling all over my dick. You like choking on it, hm?” he smirked and you moaned around him, your pussy begging for attention. 

Hyunjin whined, his head hitting the pillow as he fucked up into your mouth. 

Just as you felt that he was close, you quickly pulled off when he least expected it.

“Why’d you stop?” he almost cried out but stopped himself as you started stripping. 

“I’m gonna ride you.” you said and he chuckled. 

“Do what you want with me.” he gripped onto your hips as you adjusted above him, grabbing his cock and running the tip on your folds. 

You slid down, taking all of him in as both of you moaned at the feeling. 

“Mm, so warm and wet baby.” Hyunjin pushed up into you immediately. “I need you, y/n. Please fuck me.”

He looked so desperate after you edged him with your mouth and you enjoyed seeing him like that, falling apart for you, his hair splayed everywhere around his head, his forehead sweaty, his face twisted somewhere between pleasure and pain, lips swollen as he kept biting on them, his hands gripping at you like you were his life line. 

You put your hands on his chest as you started fucking on him fast, your thighs slapping against him, making him whimper as the bed shook and Hyunjin gripped at the sheets, fucking up into you to meet your pace. 

“Y/n, fuck! Harder, fuck me harder!” he begged and you gathered all your strength, fucking on him as hard as you could and he grunted loudly, holding your hips as he fucked up into you. 

“That’s it. Good girl. I’m gonna carve the shape of my cock in your pretty pussy.” he smirked between gasps and you whimpered loudly, exploding all over his cock, lifting up and squirting on his twitching length. 

Hyunjin let out an animalistic groan when he saw that, grabbing your arms and swiftly turning you around, pressing your knees to your shoulders as you gasped, dizzy from your orgasm and the sudden movement. 

He didn’t give you any time to recover as he pushed his dick deep inside you, your pussy taking him immediately. 

“Ah!” you moaned loudly. 

Hyunjin looked crazed as he fucked you hard immediately, his hands grabbing at your breasts. 

“You’re gonna be mine forever, princess. I’ll fill you up good and make sure of that.” 

“H-Hyunjin.” you gasped, throwing your head back as you dug your nails into his biceps. 

“Mm, y/n.” he whined as his hips stuttered and you came around him again, your pussy gripping his cock. 

Hyunjin grabbed your hand as he came hard, filling you up with what seemed like endless ropes of hot cum. 

“I love you.” he breathed out and your eyes widened, your core clenching around his softening cock. 

His eyes widened when he realized what he said, both of you frozen for a moment. 

Hyunjin looked panicked immediately but you grabbed his face, making him look at you. 

“I love you.” you smiled and he visibly melted. 

You heard voices outside, both of you gasping as you jerked away from each other, quickly picking your clothes up. 

“Are y’all done fucking?” Brendon yelled from the front as you got dressed clumsily while Hyunjin tried to gather the dirty sheets. 

Embarrassment washed over you when you felt his cum seep out of you, dripping on your panties. 

“No we’re not!” Hyunjin yelled and you chuckled. 

“I don’t want them to come in here yet.” he pulled you into his chest. 

“Why?” you looked up at him. 

“I- I meant what I said, y/n. I love you.” he said. 

“I love you too, Jinnie. I also hate you just a little, sometimes.” you joked and he giggled.

“That’s okay, as long as you turn that hate into passion.” he wiggled his eyebrows.

“Of course.” you promised and he leaned in to kiss you gently.

-

Six months later…

jinnie<3: babe i have a surprise for you

you: should i be worried?

jinnie<3: maybe… no?

you: just come home

You shook your head with a giggle, today was exactly six months since Hyunjin and you started dating. 

You didn’t waste much time, moving in together only a few weeks after the tour ended. 

Hyunjin was more clingy than you anticipated but you wouldn’t have him any other way. 

You waited for him to come home, hugging teddy as you sat on the sofa, both of you wrapped in a blanket. 

Dinner was already finished and Hyunjin’s gift was ready, the lacy black and red set right under the inconspicuous pjs you had on. 

“Honey, I’m home!” he snickered as he came in, slamming the door behind him before he all but ran to you. 

“Careful.” you laughed as he tripped over the carpet.

He gave you a pointed look but his arms wrapped around you and teddy as he hugged you tightly.

“Missed you.” he nuzzled into your hair and you giggled. 

“We missed you too.” you said and he leaned back.

“Do you think teddy missed me more than you did?” he teased.

“Oh definitely.” you smirked and he pouted so you pulled him into another hug, and he yelped.

“Ow. Be careful.” he jolted and you squinted your eyes at him.

“What did you do, Hyunjin?”

“Remember when I asked if a belly button piercing would suit me?” he grimaced.

“Did you get a belly button piercing?!” you gasped and Hyunjin chuckled before he took his shirt off. 

Sure enough, there was a fresh piercing above his belly button. 

“Oh wow. It’s perfect.” you bit on your lip and he exhaled.

“I’m glad you like it.” he said, looking relieved.

“Is that my gift?” you chuckled. 

“Kind of, but also this.” he pulled out his sketchbook, flipping through the pages. 

“It’s the tattoo you wanted, I finished designing it.” he showed you the sketch and you gasped. 

“Hyunjin! This is beautiful!”

“It’ll look even more beautiful on you.” he leaned in to kiss you. 

“I wanna do it as soon as I can.” you said and he chuckled.

“Maybe we could add our matching tattoo then.” Hyunjin’s cheeks flushed.

“Oh? You have an idea for that?”

“Yeah but stop me if it’s too cheesy or if you don’t like it.” he said, looking nervous all of a sudden as he flipped through his sketchbook again. 

“Just show me.” you smiled and he gave you the sketchbook. 

“See it’s part of a rose for you and part for me, my vision was to have it tattooed on the side of our thumbs so when we hold hands, it becomes one flower. What do you think?” 

You stared at him for a moment as your heart fluttered. 

“Hyunjin, that’s so sweet. I love that idea.” you caressed his cheek as he smiled. 

“I’m glad you do.” 

Both of you leaned in, your lips meeting in a tender kiss. 

“Where’s my gift?” he smirked and you snickered, lowering your shirt a little, just so you could tease him with a glimpse of the lacy bra. 

“Oh. You wore the set.” he licked his lips. “Mm, the best gift ever.” his eyes became foggy in a second as he leaned in with pursed lips.

“Nuh-uh!” you put your finger on his lips. “No dessert before dinner.” you smirked and he rolled his eyes with a smile. 

“Fine, I’ll eat you up later. There’ll be nothing left of you just so you know, darling.” Hyunjin said, burying his face in your neck and inhaling the sweet perfume you put on for him, the one that drives him absolutely insane. 

“Also, please put on a shirt before I explode.” you added as he leaned back and he laughed, his body shaking with it. 

“Sorry.” he winked, getting dressed.

Hyunjin chased you to the kitchen as you grabbed teddy and started running from him, squealing as you rounded the table. 

He tricked you, going left then right and you fell for it, your body ending up in his comforting embrace. 

“I think teddy is hungry.” Hyunjin said, making you giggle.

“Mhm, and what about Jinnie?” you smirked and he chuckled. 

“Jinnie is starving.” he whined dramatically.

As the apartment filled up with warm laughter, the first snowflakes started falling outside, signifying a new beginning, a sense of calmness and peace washing over you, the warmth and comfort you felt at that moment enveloping the two of you completely. 

The happiness was almost tangible as it traveled through the air. 

If someone would’ve told you you’d end up living with your sworn enemy, Hwang Hyunjin, you’d call them crazy while laughing in their face. 

But here you were, every moment with him by your side was precious even when he drove you crazy at times.

After dinner, you skipped out to your balcony to light up a cigarette and enjoy the view of the city as all the roofs slowly became blanketed by snow. Hyunjin joined you, draping his leather jacket over your shoulders when you shivered, his arms wrapping around your frame.

“I’m starting to think you keep forgetting your jacket on purpose.” he squinted his eyes at you and you giggled.

“Maybe I am.” you looked back at him as he leaned his chin on your shoulder.

“Well, you can always wear mine.” he whispered, turning you around so he could give you a gentle kiss.

Who knew that your band falling apart would bring you together with the love of your life? 

taglist: @moonchild9350 @janepg @velvetmoonlght @hwanghyunjinismybae @jehhskz @porangporangmeong @laylasbunbunny @laughatdanger @jeonginslefthand @sapphirewaves @s3ungm1nxxl0ve @painterhyunjin @starlost-mochi-x @saintcosette @scarlet789 @ooshyana @frehyun @skzdust @simpforleeknaur @schniti-is-in-the-house

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Lmao ignore me if u want but I have two questions

How would Kai be as a werewolf alpha???

And if he was a demigod like percy Jackson would would he be the son of???????

Here is a picture of our pookie as an apology

First of all, that gif is making me absolutely FERAL. Second, I want to bite him. [you have a lovely clavicle; i'm a neck person; that's just silly, you can't stop being a neck person] Third, you never bother me, I promise! I love answering these & talking to you through them (& comments)! I've just been so out of sorts lately with my home life and work life - both chaotic - but desperately have been needing to get back in the swing of things in terms of writing / posting / answering!

Now, to tackle these questions that have both brought hearts to my eyes... (and I was so excited, I made dividers to split them up)

tw: some nsfw (can I even write that on tumblr anymore?) on the wolf portion, but no warnings on the demigod part

#1 - werewolf alpha kai

FUCK

do notttt get me started on wolf kai; how the fuuuck have I not wolf-i-fied him yet 😭😭

okay. I had it down so bad for jacob in the great edward vs jacob debacle of the 2000s. I was OBSESSED with wolves / werewolves in general, too

funnily enough, I don't give a damn for the wolves in tvd. Tyler's fine. Hayley is fine in TO (not tvd tho lmao). The rest in TVD / TO are whatever; the ones in Legacies are HORRID

BUT wolf!kai would be sooo hot; alpha wolf kai especially, oh heaven help me

this man is already dominant & controlling, and with his SO, protective, but add that wolf gene and he's tenfold

he'd be an absolute menace... to damon, to tyler, to mystic falls in general, & maybe even to klaus... & to my ovaries...

starting off, let's just picture him as a wolf

i was actually thinking about this the other day... what if the actual reason that he was "an abomination" was if he had the wolf gene on top of the siphon gene somehow. like, joshua wasn't his real father, or his mother wasn't his real mother, idk, but joshua HATES him for it (kinda like klaus)

kai's childhood is the same - violent, abusive, isolated - and he ends up in the '94 PW the same way, but while kai shows damon and bonnie his ability to siphon, he never reveals the wolf part

when he gets back to the real world, he's going to have to transition again, bc he's no longer on a repeating loop of the same day, so he carefully plans for this

he makes sporadic disappearances throughout the month, so that no one ever catches on to him being absent on full moons

the only reason he's caught, is because [reader] stumbles upon him entering / coming off his transition, but lucky she's been crushing on him or is a wolf herself

if i were to write this out, this is as much plot as i've developed. i would add a bit in there, too, where she mentions klaus, maybe she has a connection to him, and they both can commiserate on their similar childhoods together

but that's all i've got so far; idk if i'm doing anything with it

regardless, wolfy kai!

SO

he'd be so much more temperamental & combative

if damon were to know, he'd be like, oh ffs not another one

but this gene also makes him stronger than if he were just a witch

imagine Tyler's fondness for fight picking + Kai's own flirty / cocky attitude + werewolf lore behavior + alpha behavior, and you've got a dangerous mix wrapped up in one very attractive man, i mean, just look at the gif

whether you're a wolf or not, he puts himself in charge of protecting you, even if you're quite capable of defending yourself

he has to have an arm or a leg wrapped around you, too, and is always on alert, even in his sleep

is also a very cuddly sleeper, is a big spoon, and will throw a fit if he can't sleep with you for some reason

when he's alone with you, he's his usual goofy self, and maybe takes a second to get himself under control in serious situations

but also as an alpha, still knows when to snap into his dominant demeanor when the situation calls for it

now... i've thought up several different scenarios where we could have wolfy kai... and since i'm me, i also have an nsfw section

...so here's that one first

breeding kink would be off the charts

especially as an alpha, where it's so innate, and if he has a pack, a desire to keep it going & keep it strong

and like tyler mentioned, "being horny all the time"

huge biting kink, but only if you're a wolf, too

play bites as a way to show affection, but bites during sex, too

bites in places visible to others; always marking you as his

again, dominant, and would be one to pin you down or keep a hand on your throat as a means of control

would be so into praising you, during & after, telling you how well you did & how proud he is (& how good of a mom you're gonna be jfdsnls)

on the flip side, i don't think he'd be much into exhibitionism / voyeurism because he'd want you all for himself & would not want anyone to see you in one of your most vulnerable states

however, if you were in a pack and someone was hitting on you & not taking any hints that you're taken, he'd probably engage it in to some degree just to teach that someone a lesson that you're his

wolf!reader x wolf!kai

when you're nesting, he's already getting excited. tries to stick his nose in your business, though, and several times, you've bitten his nose to get him out of your space, but he just gets more excited

when ~the time~ finally comes, he tries to control himself, but sometimes gets lost in the pleasure

you have to safeword somewhat often, which he always respects

and his aftercare is always perfect, regardless if you used the word or not

outside of the sexual realm, you are always together

it takes some time to sink into his stubborn head, but you protect him as much as he protects you, and he's very grateful for it

the two of you are your own little pack

and tyler is very jealous of it

eyes roll all across the room when you enter, because the MF gang is pre-preparing for the sass and stubbornness they're about to face; you compliment him well, much to their dismay

but on the bright side, he kills much less, and only threatens or kills if someone threatens himself or you

on a side note, i can see tyler trying to recreate your bond with liv, and her not wanting any part of that wolfishness

she will date him but she won't engage with that, especially considering tyler's wolf-associated anger issues, and kai being her brother who she wants nothing to do with

...but, she has to hand it to you for getting him under control & to her absolute disbelief that it could happen, loving him the way you do (jo, too, is practically astonished, however grateful - he is her twin, after all)

non-wolf!reader x wolf!kai

now, if you're a vamp, he has to be very careful not to bite

tricky during sex sometimes; difficult when you insist on helping him transition

it's much of a caroline x tyler thing; you refuse to leave him but he's terrified of hurting you

whether you're human, or a witch, or a vampire, he could hurt you, and the thought terrifies him

is insistent on a buddyship with damon or stefan, so that they can call klaus if an emergency ever occurs

both are reluctant, but are friends with you, and if something ever does happen, they'd hate for you to suffer, so they do

klaus gets involved & he and kai bond more than anyone would've anticipated

maybe kai reminds klaus a bit of himself - his childhood, his difficult relationships with his siblings, his fancy for one person in particular; maybe kai also reminds him a bit of kol, his own brother with a head full of sarcasm & jokes and a penchant for violence

although, if this is alpha!kai, klaus would notice that immediately and would have an, oh shit, this kid's powerful, moment that would knock him off his feet

kai might not even realize the strength he has, or he does, but doesn't let on to anyone that he knows how powerful he is

regardless of which, klaus knows he has to stay on his good side, and maybe he tells stefan to do the same for his own good

as long as no one becomes a threat, kai keeps his cool, but that alpha side comes out when he's protecting you or himself

and that, for whoever poor soul, is fucking terrifying

#2 - demigod parent

alright... first thought was Hades bc he's so dark & eerie

then I was like nah, way too much of a basic answer, just to tag anyone with a closed off personality and dark clothes as a Hades' kid (don't get me wrong, I love Nico, but in comparison, he & Kai are nothing alike)

Kai just doesn't have the personality of Hades' kids; he is way more than the dark witch he's made out to be by writers

he's extremely talkative, rather lively, & outgoing

ofc he's got that unpredictability & hair-raising ability to slink around like a cat without being noticed (i.e. stalking damon and bonnie for 4 months without their knowledge), but he doesn't scream child of Hades when we learn how talkative and touchy he actually is

so then, bc I haven't read PJO in 6 years, I did some research

Ares became a possibility... he's got some anger issues & is good with a knife

however, he doesn't seem like a child of war

most of his childhood, we can assume, he spent trying to avoid his father's anger & disapproval

sibling murder was the last resort for a depressed, distanced kid who was taught life didn't matter as long as the coven survived

and as vengeful and argumentative as he is, I wouldn't put him in a box with Clarisse, who picked fights 24/7

Hecate came to mind, but as a siphon, I think maybe not

if it was Hecate, he'd probably be outcasted by his half-siblings (and then I'd have to fight them, and it'd be a whole thing), so I took Hecate out of the choices

then, after more research, the obvious answer became Hermes

Kai is such a little shit

he's funny, sarcastic, and just seems like the guy to love a good prank

he's very smart, and can be manipulative if he wants / needs to be

his half siblings would more or less equal him in intelligence and personality, so he wouldn't feel the need to slice & dice them

(and also, doesn't Hermes have the most kids? bc his parents had a fuck ton of kids, so Kai would totally be used to having SO MANY siblings)

(plus unclaimed kids stayed in Hermes' cabin & Kai knows what it's like to be a family reject; they can commiserate)

not to mention, Luke was a child of Hermes, and I vaguely remember he went a little dark & crazy, too

granted, that could happen to anyone, but I can see Kai & Luke being like, hey, half-sibling, ~you're just as sane as I am~

now...

I also considered Aphrodite, and stay with me, bc he's so fucking gorgeous (I mean, again, look at that gif), and it would be cool to have a child of love with his emotions so turned off

imagine his father was so abusive (which he was), that Kai was so shut off when he got to camp

everyone shared rumors about his parentage; whispers of Hades circulated the most

but then it's Aphrodite who claims him, and everyone, Kai included, is shocked

for awhile, his siblings kinda outcast him & he's feeling it; he has definitely considered running away

but someone gives him a chance, maybe someone who feels equally unlike their godly parent approaches him & gains his trust, or maybe it's someone who doesn't like to see others treated the way his half-siblings are treating him

either way, he slowly opens up to them & begins to trust them; they return these feelings to him

with time, he gets fiercely protective & caring towards that person; he shows love in his own ways

eventually, his siblings start to see it & open up to him

once Kai realizes they're being genuine, he shows them similar attention, care, & protection

he might not be the typical child of Aphrodite, but his dulled emotions start to come through once he's given a chance & a safe space

... But as much as I love this headcanon, I say he's 100% child of Hermes. He just fits the bill completely, and I freaking love it.

[the-scarlet-manor]

The Crystal Isles guide (2023)

Alright tumblr folks if anyone even reads these, Ive started working on the character sheets and i decided to put in fictional places as part of their info, however tumblr dont have the context for the silly floating place yet so im just gonna drop this here real quick

This post oughta be a bit long. Written in November 2023, copypasted from my Deviantart (dont go there)

This is The Crystal Isles, its where The Scarlet Manor's story takes place in and its cool

originally a sunken landmass that resurfaced from the rise of gigantic seamonsters centuries ago, it sits in the Oceania continent , got marked as us territory, its a wild place

one half of the country is populated with humans, and the other is populated with vampires (or mutants if youre a science nerd but just call them vampires)

the yellow white + red blue represents the division between humans and vampires, with the white+ yellow representing the sun and sky, and the red + blue representing the bloodshed and deadly oceans vamps are associated with

the two races are in a truce though bc the only way to combat the ocassional leviathans invading their country is by working together

Making for some very interesting dynamics.

This whole country is still a draft , so things are expected to be changed and expanded in the future, but thats still in the future . Anyway-

First we'll start off with the human zones:

Emeralis- this is mainly more of a military headquarters area but theres the One (1) city in here that residents live in , theyre middle class and working class, and some are homeless from other regions that had no other choice but to move here, this region is also one of the main two barriers that divide the humans from the vampires, outside the wall you enter Lazule

Carneli- now this ones BIIGG its the second biggest region in the human portion and its thriving, main agricultural grounds and the source of food, has a very diverse cuisine culture raging from cool garden salads to seafood by the region's edge

Quartzfort- home to the richest mfs of the isles, very pretentious and extremely wealthy region , also home to very shady and crappy people . claims themselves as the main representative of humans in the entire isles, so everyone has to look their best all the time, No Exceptions, none, ever

Amethys- the one gateway to Crystal isles to the rest of the world, you cant enter from anywhere else. theres lots of planes here !!! and airline stations, and a super diverse population of people because they come from all over the globe (whats left of it, anyway) . because of so many people living here, its also beome a huge entertainment center, showbiz, bootleg crystal hollywood, whatnot

Opalis- a fifth region that i didnt include here because it doesnt have its own flag currently. but its still a crucial part of the country, the second barrier of the isles. once a thriving region turned into the experimenta. grounds of this mega science corp called SCI-REN , absolutely deplorable company that endorses child experimentation and killing for the name of science, its awful . but what can anyone do about it ? theyre powerful af and has built themselves up to the top where noone can plummet them down

Now onto the vampire regions (or if you want to be fancy; Mutant Zones)

Lazule- the main setting the story, the flag is designed after a moonflower because its all over the place and they like that. The region is the main source of entertainment amongst vampires so you got the arena, vampire hollywood (if they named it vollywood im gonna do something bad to myself) and other cool celebrities, its also very tech savvy, you got the tech bros in here and Perlas

Ruby- hellhole. thats it Ruby is a hellhole, its very impoverished next to Tanzan and has extremely high crime rates and child abuse cases, unethical labor, trafficking, very corrupt government, further screwed over by the higher ups from the richer regions. you get noodles and chilli here also

Tanzan- another hellhole, also impoverished and is the origins of the most brutal sport of vampires named "dogfighting" which is basically make hungry vamps attack each other to the death while you place your bets on them , they have a tough warrior kind of culture around these parts, very into solving things with violence

Perlas- Richest and also biggest region in the vamps portion , also has a lot of factories and mass produce, partners with Lazule in their tech bizz, pretty shady though , theres jerks here who profits off of the suffering of Tanzan + Ruby and pays trashy big corps

Sapphire- the token vegan region , theyre cool here and they want to prove that vampires can still live without abusing the animals in the meat industry and just. not eat meat at all , considered "progressive" in their time, they eat more legumes because honestly as much as they crave blood they just need the protein . popularized blood and meat alternatives, go green , blablabla

Azur- buddies with Sapphire ! though they still eat meat but theyre more of omnivores, Sapph encouraged them to eat more leaves. good for them , there economically on the down low and have the smallest population but honestly ? theyre the chillest region by far, theyre vibing. oh also they popularized eating bugs

- AZ

[technicalknockout]

I wanted to reply to some of the stuff from my ask, but didn't know whether to reblog it or send it as an ask, I thought it might be easier this way?

silly straws page - i read in 'dipper and mabel's guide to mystery and nonstop fun' that bill likes silly straws and thought it was a silly random tidbit, imagine how surprised i was when i realized there was LORE behind it.. im still figuring out some codes bc i dont wanna look them up and im having so much fun !!

YEAH the silly staws page! I'm so mad that Bill said "I cut the page where I was gonna talk about Shermie Pines" stop teasing mee

I know there are some really cool codes on that page, I haven't decoded most of the book for myself yet but I intend to. There's another code on that page which is a super cool and fun one to decipher (though i've already seen what it says online but I want to replicate it myself). The one that starts with "215 858 117 450 110 628.." etc.

stanford trying to keep me from reading the book page - "you cant hear the disappointed sigh im making rn, but i assure you it's devastating" i mean he failed to stop me from reading the entire thing in one sitting but i was just very happy to see ford's cursive again. It was really funny seeing him trying to guess what the reader would be convinced by (i saw the moth picture and thought 'whats that called, a goth moth?' I laughed out loud when it turned out that was actually its name)

Sameee I got to that page and i was thinking "hiiii!". I loved his attempt to stop us from reading by showing his cool moth, and it was even better when Bill says something later on along the lines of "if he tries to show you his moth collection, throw yourself off a cliff"

Also the photo of him looks cool, but the context of it is so funny. I've seen some posts on tumblr about Ford dragging Stan into the woods and getting him to take a picture of him looking angry and mysterious. Why else does he have a photo like that. It's so silly.

urban legends page - as a long time fan of creepypasta the references in this page absolutely delighted me. Also the art is so realistically horrifying, whoever drew these i love you

YEAH that page and the Mirror Realm one and others look so cool. The new artists brought on to work on this book did a wonderful job. It fits in perfectly with Bill's weirdness.

the one true intelligence test - idk this page just made me laugh a lot

So freaking stupid i loved it so much. I think my favourite was the "divide this number in half" bit.

Entire anti-cipher society part - i love how instead of telling the story in just plain text, they made us follow the story with newspapers and journal pages. What was that called. I swear there was a name for that kind of storytelling if anyone knows pls pls tell me

That whole bit was so interesting. It was a really fun way of telling the story!

every page with ford and fiddleford - BEAUTIFUL. SUBLIME. BEST THING TO EVER EXIST IN THE WORLD. I HECKING LOVE FRIENDS BEING WHOLESOME TOGETHER AND I LOVE IT MORE WHEN THEYRE MY FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM MY FAVORITE SHOW. THEY MAD SNOWMEN OF EACH OTHER THATS SO CUTE

Imma be honest i never really... cared for Fiddleford before. Like, I think the show is better with him in it, and I like that Ford had someone good in his life aside from Stan back in the past, but I didn't know enough about Fiddleford to care. Granted, I haven't reread Journal 3 in a while so I likely would have liked him more if I could remember what was said there, but the stuff presented in the lost Journal 3 pages here were such a treat and I understand now. I really really like him now.

Fiddleford and Ford were so wonderful together! Fiddleford was so, so nice to Ford. I'm never going to get over how Fidds made Ford TWO christmas presents, one which had multiple prototypes to get right, then forgot to get a present for his own wife. Stanford means so much to him it's crazy.

Then Ford decorating the portal room with pretty lights and played Fidds' favourite song and they made snowmen???? That's adorable omg.

And ik this is about the book, not the website, but the stuff on there as well, like the college photo and it describing how they met. AND THE AXOLOTL. Fidds getting one for Ford because it reminded him of him. And i don't think it was even a holiday of any kind. BILL WHEN I GET YOU-

"but my aim is getting better" - do i need to explain this one

I CHEERED at that bit. I showed it to my friend and they didn't get it. I forgot that they're a casual fan who's watched the show like, once, and not like me where Gravity Falls has just permanently taken up some space in my brain.

whatever this page is called;

I hated reading this (i loved reading this). i kinda got spoiled before i bought the book with an analysis post, had to literally put my phone down and think about what id just read. i think this page really puts bill and ford's relationship into perspective. ford's a person and bill's a multidimensional semi-god creature, bill will do and say anything in his power to get ford to do what he wants. this relationship cannot even begin to resemble normal. and also the forgetting your own name part horrified me, thats some good horror right there.. love it when books make me have a visceral reaction to tiny words on paper

I don't think I have anything extra to add I agree completely. I just love how much of a threat it shows Bill as. I think it works especially well because most of the book has been Silly Bill Shenanigans, you kinda forget what he's capable of. Brilliant stuff. i hated it.

call transcript from the police - OH the LORE and CHARACTER ANALYSIS FOOD RIGHT HERE. i could talk for hours about how bill straight up sucks at relationships and he's SO unwilling to admit he was upset about falling out with ford that he's lying to himself MULTIPLE TIMES OVER AND OVER and how a lack of genuine connection with people is eating him up - but if i talked about all that this post would spiral into insanity real quick. Also drunk bill talking into the phone was very very sad and very very on character and i could hear hirsch's bill voice inside my head it was really good aghjgnkhhh

LITERALLY YEA. And that kinda links up with the end of the book, where Bill is convinced someone will free him at some point. But he has no positive connections. He has no one that cares about him. And he did that all himself. Please, anytime, i will listen to your rambles. (just might not respond to it straight away but I WILL)

stan's page - I ALMOST CRIED AND I KNOW THATS KIND OF A WEIRD REACTION BUT I SAW THE STAN PAGE IN THISISNOTAWEBSITEDOTCOM OKAY AND IT WAS MAKING ME VERY UNWELL I WAS EXTREMELY RELIEVED TO JUST HEAR THIS MAN SO HAPPY AGAIN STANLEY PINES I LOVE YOU YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING

The messages from Dipper, Mabel and Stan were so lovely to see at the end. Stan is so happy now, and I'm happy for him. And it's just all really funny. "I only met him once and he cried like a baby then I punched him to death." Yeah that is basically what happened.

AH GOD YOU REPLIED TO EVERYTHING ????? THAMK YOU

YEAH the silly staws page! I'm so mad that Bill said "I cut the page where I was gonna talk about Shermie Pines" stop teasing mee

>:( he knows us too well he knows we'd give anything for more info about shermie...

I know there are some really cool codes on that page, I haven't decoded most of the book for myself yet but I intend to. There's another code on that page which is a super cool and fun one to decipher (though i've already seen what it says online but I want to replicate it myself). The one that starts with "215 858 117 450 110 628.." etc.

Ive been stuck on the numbers one, im gonna give it one more try today but i think it's gonna take a brain bigger than mine jfbsjdkskfs im STEAMING aleeeeex why are you making this so hard for me/silly

Sameee I got to that page and i was thinking "hiiii!". I loved his attempt to stop us from reading by showing his cool moth, and it was even better when Bill says something later on along the lines of "if he tries to show you his moth collection, throw yourself off a cliff"

does that imply ford tried to show bill his moth collection at some point ????? imagine jdbshfjsnf

Also the photo of him looks cool, but the context of it is so funny. I've seen some posts on tumblr about Ford dragging Stan into the woods and getting him to take a picture of him looking angry and mysterious. Why else does he have a photo like that. It's so silly.

I WHEEZED WHILE READING THIS ID NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT THAT??? but like. it's definitely on character i fully believe it happened. i mean this man backflips out of windows why not hnskdkdshd thanks for putting that image in my head

YEAH that page and the Mirror Realm one and others look so cool. The new artists brought on to work on this book did a wonderful job. It fits in perfectly with Bill's weirdness.

YEE!!!!! I think they were allowed to take more creative liberty than in the actual show, being a book and all, and i think thats really cool.

Imma be honest i never really... cared for Fiddleford before. Like, I think the show is better with him in it, and I like that Ford had someone good in his life aside from Stan back in the past, but I didn't know enough about Fiddleford to care. Granted, I haven't reread Journal 3 in a while so I likely would have liked him more if I could remember what was said there, but the stuff presented in the lost Journal 3 pages here were such a treat and I understand now. I really really like him now.

WELCOME TO THE FIDDLEFORD FANCLUB MY FRIEND. ive been a fan of him since the legend of the gobblewonker tbh.. i tend to latch onto very random silly side characters that fill the specifically shaped holes in my brain. Loved him more when i found out he had lore, love him even more after reading the book. Yay fiddleford 🎊

Fiddleford and Ford were so wonderful together! Fiddleford was so, so nice to Ford. I'm never going to get over how Fidds made Ford TWO christmas presents, one which had multiple prototypes to get right, then forgot to get a present for his own wife. Stanford means so much to him it's crazy. / Then Ford decorating the portal room with pretty lights and played Fidds' favourite song and they made snowmen???? That's adorable omg. / And ik this is about the book, not the website, but the stuff on there as well, like the college photo and it describing how they met. AND THE AXOLOTL. Fidds getting one for Ford because it reminded him of him. And i don't think it was even a holiday of any kind. BILL WHEN I GET YOU-

i swear these two are absolutely adorable and that is an objective fact i will not take criticism. the page where ford was rummaging thru fiddleford's desk and found the glove prototypes broke me.

and also yeah the college photo ! i mean like. augh. how do i put this. theyre so friends. ford believed fiddleford was right even tho they barely knew each other and worked together and came up with an entire theory. idk it's so wholesome. AND FRILLIAM !!!!! FIDDLEFORD GOT FORD A LITTLE GUY AND FORD NAMED HIM FRILLIAM AND I AM GOING TO PERSONALLY SPRAY HAND SANITIZER IN BILL'S EYE FOR RUINING THIS. these two are dear to my heart im so so frickin glad they made up and are somewhat keeping in touch now..

I CHEERED at that bit. I showed it to my friend and they didn't get it. I forgot that they're a casual fan who's watched the show like, once, and not like me where Gravity Falls has just permanently taken up some space in my brain.

I KNOW THE PAIN SO SO WELL NO ONE AROUND ME EVEN KNOWS THIS BOOK EXISTS. ILL CHEER WITH YOU WHO CARES IF WE'RE NOT ON THE SAME CONTINENT. FORD MY GUY SLAYYYYYY🎊🎉🎊🎉🎊👏👏🎊🎉🎉👏👏👏

I don't think I have anything extra to add I agree completely. I just love how much of a threat it shows Bill as. I think it works especially well because most of the book has been Silly Bill Shenanigans, you kinda forget what he's capable of. Brilliant stuff. i hated it.

exactly.. bill is a Scary Silly Guy™️ thank you tbob for reminding us. it was very on character and we appreciate it a lot. but like did you HAVE to make ford suffer for it :'(

LITERALLY YEA. And that kinda links up with the end of the book, where Bill is convinced someone will free him at some point. But he has no positive connections. He has no one that cares about him. And he did that all himself. Please, anytime, i will listen to your rambles. (just might not respond to it straight away but I WILL)

Guy had it comin for him tbh. rest in therapieces bill ciphor reincarnate as a vole (also YOU WANT TO HEAR MY RAMBLES🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺???? dont mind me if i raid your asks sometime. or discord dms. whichever you prefer !)

The messages from Dipper, Mabel and Stan were so lovely to see at the end. Stan is so happy now, and I'm happy for him. And it's just all really funny. "I only met him once and he cried like a baby then I punched him to death." Yeah that is basically what happened.

JASIDNFJSNFKSS PRETTY ACCURATE ID SAY. Stanford pines you are absolutely awesome take my money

[nedlittle]

hello - don’t feel like you have to answer this - i really admire how much you read and the variety of books you review. i am trying to read more in 2023, but i have a hard time finding things i like and an even harder time finishing books that don’t grab me by the 70ish page mark. do you mind sharing bit of insight on how you find what you like and, more to the point, how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done?

anon i am SO sorry for letting this rot in my inbox for over a month, i genuinely have not had the time to give you the answer you deserve. this is going to be long, so i'm going to divide it into two main parts

part i: how to find things you like.

the easiest advice i can give is just to think about books you like and what you enjoy about them. my favourite genre is historical fiction, but i like a very specific type of historical fiction that i have difficulty explaining bc it's vibes-based. largely queer historical fiction that interrogates its setting rather than using it as a backdrop for modern characters in period clothing; i'm not huge on historical family sagas, but i do love when the style is a little fucky. i like reading classics, mainly mid-late 19th century and mid-20th century ones as historical artifacts, i like comparing and contrasting similar texts like i'm writing a book report, and i like purple prose. i like some fantasy and sci-fi but not a lot because i'm a big dumb-dumb with complex worldbuilding and think that some genres, like urban fantasy are just a little silly, this is my subjective taste. think about what you don't like and why you don't like it with the same amount of thought. that's step 1.

so, you've figured out what you do and do not like. now, to find more of the same. if your author is alive and has a web presence, check out what they recommend on social media, check out books they've blurbed. you may not have the same taste as the authors you like and god knows i've read at least 3 books because alison epstein recommended them and i really liked her debut novel only to find that her taste and mine don't always align. do the same with your friends, even if they may not have the same taste. ask them what a five-star read is to them. ask the little tumblr people in your phone. it's okay to have caveats. whenever i ask for book recs on here, i clarify that i am not interested in reading a little life and i probably never will be.

if you look for book recs everywhere, like i do, you will find them. try something your favourite podcast host recommends! read lists of new releases in a genre of your choice!

anon i don't know what your local library sitch is. mine has a great website for finding similar books. the example i'm using here is my fave read of 2021, the flight portfolio by julie orringer

if you click on the covers it will tell you why these titles are recommended, mostly for shared subject matter and setting, occasionally for stylistic or thematic similarities. none of these books appeal to me, but if i scroll down a little more...

fucking bingo. so, because i am me, i am going to select "lgbtqia" and "historical fiction", maybe "stylistically complex" if i want to narrow it down

it gave me 12 books total that are available at my local library. of the first four, i have read three (adored one, points if you guess which one), and the remaining book is on my tbr.

the storygraph is also fantastic for recommendations, though like all recommendations, they're hit-or-miss. if you have an account, which i recommend, and i also recommend you add me if you do @/kitnotmarlowe because that way you can keep up with the saga of me unintentionally reading books where lesbians have threesomes and a ghost is involved somehow. but if you have an account, you get recommendations right on your homepage that you can filter by length, genre, mood etc

sorry this is 5 px i had to zoom out to get all the available options. you can also sort your reading preferences including fave genres (up to 5), the kind of books you like reading (open-ended and comma separated), characteristics you appreciate most (up to 3), genres you aren't currently interested in (as many as you want, i currently have 26), things that turn you off books the most (up to 3), and books that you're never in the mood for (as many as you want, the only one i have marked is 'relaxing'). you can ask for specific recommendations without changing your preferences if you want something specific NOW and you have the option of browsing similar books for any of the books in their database

now that that's out of the way, onto...

part ii: how do you finish books that aren't good

here's the secret: you don't have to. life is too short to commit to finishing something you aren't interested in or upset by or simply not vibing with. as a kid i used to be really bad with this and finished every single book i read even if it scared the absolute shit out of me (wuthering high by cara lockwood) or accidentally exposed me to baby's first sex scene (have been trying to remember what book this is for YEARS). if something isn't gripping you by the 70 page mark, put it down. unless you're reading it for school or being paid to review it. sometimes you just don't vibe with a book! maybe you'll pick it up later, maybe you won't and that's fine. i tried reading a historical romance last year but got so distressed by the politics and stupid understanding of suffrage that i quit before i was halfway.

"how you get yourself to finish a book that you know is going to be a 2 star review maximum well before you’re done"

if you look at my worst books of 2022, you'll see that over half of them are dogshit historical mysteries that i finished solely to try and solve the mystery, even if they were written with all the poise and skill of a fast food receipt or utterly nonsensical or colonial in a way i didn't expect to find in the 21st century. i am a hater at heart. i have an entire tag devoted to books i've finished out of spite. sometimes you finish a book you think is dogshit so that you can Tell The World (or at least your friends) that it is dogshit and get all your feelings out and once you have achieved catharsis you can read something new. sometimes you think a book is dogshit and nobody else really agrees and you feel like you're in the twilight zone so you write out your thoughts and release them unto the internet.

i'm of the opinion that a bad book can be as instructive as a great one. you can take apart a bad book and figure out what works (for you personally and for the book from a craft standpoint). this is a pro-litcrit blog even if it's just you writing a 2000 word review of a book approximately 5 people have read JUST so you can send it to a friend and have them empathize with your suffering. taking literature apart is fun! sometimes you have to power through an awful book before you can read a great one

sorry that this is so long but i hope it was a bit helpful. my inbox is always open to requests for recommendations no matter how niche. go forth and read widely!

[dandyshucks]

i will attempt to explain it and people are free (and welcome) to tell me if i'm misunderstanding or speaking out of turn! also I have troubles with tone in writing when I'm trying to be clear, so please read this all in as kind of a tone as possible - there is no bad judgement in any of my words here, nor am i meaning to be patronizing, and I apologize in advance if I come across that way!

(also disclaimer that there is infinite nuance to this situation and I cannot possibly cover all of it, but I feel like maaaybe this is a main theme that people are possibly missing, and that it's causing issues)

but I think what I am seeing is there are vaguely two sides in the selfship sphere - I have labelled them as the "community-builders" and the "scrapbookers" just for clarity's sake; this is not an attempt to divide ppl. the community-builders want to build community and connect and interact with each other. the scrapbookers are just here to post/rb about their F/O as if they're gluing photos and text into a scrapbook and that's it, they're not actively seeking a community for themselves.

both of these things are okay and fine! neither of these sides are bad or lesser in any way, they are just looking for different things in the time they spend on tumblr. (more under the cut bc it's a long post otherwise)

I think some of the issues are arising from community-builders assuming that scrapbookers are ALSO wanting community but just not putting the work in. so to community-builders, the scrapbookers appear as if they're expecting interaction without putting in any effort themselves, but I don't think that's the case. I think scrapbookers are just not looking for community the way that community-builders are - they want two different things from their experience in the selfship sphere!

I think there IS occasionally an issue where some people expect or beg for interaction without actually interacting with anyone themselves, but in that case it is best to block and move on OR let the person know directly (and kindly) that they should try to interact with others if they want interaction themselves.

unfortunately it seems like a lot of knowledge around community building and upkeep is not well-known in the present-day, because of [gestures vaguely at our current societal structure and the way social media functions now compared to how it used to etc etc etc]. so I do feel that posts encouraging people to interact with one another are good and helpful and sometimes even needed, but they are not applicable to the scrapbookers. I wonder sometimes if community-builders see scrapbookers having fun in their own little corner and assume that the they must want attention but aren't getting any, so we end up with an attempted rescue situation where community-builders make a "let's all interact more!" post to try to drum up interaction for the scrapbookers even though they aren't actually wanting that.

i know for myself, while I do enjoy the circle of friends and mutuals I've made, I am not super community-oriented. I interact with my mutuals and friends because I like to do so, and I also welcome in new friends and followers with open arms, but I am never expecting interaction and rarely actively seek it out. If my art gets notes, great! But that's simply a bonus for me personally. So to think that some people might look at 0 note posts of mine and think "oh that poor soul! they must be desperate for interaction! i have to do something about this!", that... feels a little silly and even a bit presumptuous on their part. I'm okay over here in my corner, I promise! :] I'm just here to have a space to love fictional characters, and I don't feel like I necessarily Want attention for that.

and to clarify! it is okay to want community, and to want interaction. we just have different wants and goals from our time here, that's all. neither of us are wrong for what we want and neither of us are better than the other - we just have different things we're looking for in this part of the internet, and that is okay :]

i keep seeing an argument of sorts floating around every couple of months and i think maybe the reason the argument is happening is because people are not realizing they want different things out of this all

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[thesleepingnotsobeauty]

Hey here's an indepth post of everything regarding the prayer request. I orginally had it all in one but I felt like dividing it would be better.

----

A few days ago my dad had a heart attack that he lived through. However, it was found out that 3 of his main arteries are completely blocked, and that the 4th is partially blocked. He's going to require heart surgery within the next 3-7 days.

It's very shocking to all of us because my dad was seemingly in good shape. Unfortunately, heart problems do run in his side of the family. Thankfully, every other part of him is healthy, and that really does raise his chances of surviving the surgery. There's still a 3-4% of a stroke or heart attack happening during surgery.

It's really scary times right now. My sister and I will have to go on leave at work, but thankfully we can get up to 6 weeks up of family leave pay + however long we need off of work.

Thw recovery process is going to take months and my dad will be fully dependent on my mom & my sister's & me(ofc my brother won't help at all). The doctor said that my dad won't even be able to open a drawer or fridge by himself.

And because of COVID-19 we could not even visit my dad in the hospital. My mom was allowed to visit today for two hours, but only so the doctor could explain the surgery and recovery process to her. While she was there the hospital completely shut-down all visitations because of the rising virus cases. Not even special visitation cases are allowed anymore.

So yeah. Things are tough. I'll still be on tumblr bc it's literally 1 of the few social media sites I'm on. I just come here for the memes and fanarts and silly political things that keep me entertained.