#(<- just watch someones gonna be like 'oh thats actually a different mental issue with you specifically)

[dreamsy990]

look at all that autistic swag!!

[tandytoaster]

I wonder if my family ever actually expects me to have kids. I have a sneaking suspicion that silently they hope that someday I reach mental clarity and decide to have children. Which will never happen. I don't mean this in a despairing way but I think things are just gonna keep deteriorating from here- or at the very least stay the same, which isn't that great. I've been much better before and I can't see myself reaching that state again for a very long time, if ever at all.

For some reason I've taken it upon myself lately to try to imagine just what it might look like? For 5 seconds sit in that discomfort just to affirm how horrible it would be for everyone involved. I just couldn't ever deal with everything that comes with that, like I already have trouble enough with the responsibilities I have. Its like a job that never ends and I already dread the thought of working 9-5, which thankfully I don't have to do.

I think whats started this was me thinking about how many people my age have babies / toddlers and how like... impossible it seems. It just doesn't make sense to me. Like there's this whole new thing that's ( hopefully ) going to be a permanent part of your life, changing everything, until you die.

So much of this is my perception of time being so horribly off, and my mind being stunted from trauma and mental illness. Like I'm just a kid :( but I'm almost 24. But I'm just a kid. I know my mind has grown in other ways and the way I see the world and process things but I'm still just a kid and it's something I can't bring myself to let go of. For the most part its not a problem but sometimes, but rarely, it kinda is, but thats more of a 'how other people perceive me' issue. My family knows I'm in a relationship they know I'm an adult I'm sure they assume I have sex and I don't like that!!! I don't want my family to think that about me even in passing. I know they're not Thinking about it but the thought of them even briefly being like, "oh she probably does that" i hate it it feels gross. I know there's so much to unpack here and idk where to start but that's why i go to therapy

I remember when I was 12, in health class we were doing the reproductive system unit at the end of the year and we were all talking about what we would do if we got pregnant / got someone pregnant and, as a 12 year old I didn't know abortion was something that people could do, so my only solution to this was, "I would just kill myself", not in like... a depressed way but in a "i need this problem to go away and this is the only way i know how" way. I'm so fortunate to live in a place where that's possible. Genuinely life saving care.

There's a lady I follow on instagram who recently had a baby and when she first announced she was pregnant she said she didn't want kids, it didnt come naturally to her, but she knew her partner did so she's doing this for him and hoping she'll grow to get used to the idea and fall in love with it- but it never happened. I know she loves her baby and is doing the best she can, but it's so... uncomfortable watching it all unfold knowing if she wasn't with her partner her life would be entirely different and be something she actually wants it to be. Makes me sad.

I wanted to play video game tonight but instead I wrote this oops

[eyelessfog]

okay anyway so big important stuff: its the UNVOA angel au. its just pokemon b&w. and im so so focused on team plasma because ummm i like them. mwah. anyway N was picked up from the forest as a child. hes a natural angel, right? and we made reshiram his like. his dad basically. raised him because N could hear him.

and then ghestsis took N because this kid was a whole entire angel and thats. huh. but he didn't get out Okay. because reshiram smited him. smote him. screwed him up in his right arm and the right half of his face. but he didn't die, yk? but the fact that he ACTUALLY met god does make him worse. and hes like oh so i CAN get gods attention i just have to. i dont know. do this and this and that.

anyway so we're talking about anthea and concordia now. if you dont know who that is thats okay but i like them :] basically theyre 2 characters with tiiiiiny roles but theyre basically N's caretakers. and no one really thinks about them? except for me and a couple others. but anyway. my obsession, the two of them.

anthea has pink hair and she kinda looks calmer? concordia is blonde and looks a little more excitable. i gave them personalities.

okay so one bit that was always important to me was that these two aren't angels. theyre literally just N's caretakers. but theyre also his sisters because he loves them sos sososo so much and they love him sososo much. they have, since the beginning, known what ghetsis was up to. he told them, then threatened them for their silence. the thing is, they don't know what to do about it. because he gave them a better life - better food, better bed, better place to live. they should feel grateful. but they don't . because they're terrified of him and both of them deal with it in different ways

anthea has a freeze and fawn response. when she gets scared she goes quiet and does her best to be small and perfect and whatever gets her out of trouble. concordia has a fight and flight response. she needs to do something about it, needs to fight back, take whatever comes at her - she can't keep still

and both of them hate the other for it. "if you would just keep quiet, he'd get less mad and then we wouldn't get in trouble." "if you would just speak up we could fight back against him and then he wouldn't bother us."

it takes years for the two of them to become friends. longer still to become sisters. but it happens, and when it happens, it all becomes just a little easier.

they both love N, and both of them try their hardest to work stories with morals they think N will need into their stories. he has to understand that he can't always trust the person closest to him. he can't always trust that someone promising perfection will give it to him. he has to understand, someday, that ghetsis is using him, and they don't mind if he has to stop trusting them for this to happen.

[anything for N. they'd give up anything for N. even if they're giving up his love.]

they're... fucked up, the both of them. fucked up and pushed to the side because they know how to smile, because they've lived this hell for long enough that they know how to convey the emotions they want to convey, and keep the ones they don't close to their chest.

N is innocent. he's confused. they're guilty and they're scared.

when they get out - when they all get out - they're traumatized and they're dealing with it. Not well, but they're dealing. and also concordia gets to watch ghestsis die so win for the her community. they have mental issues, both of them. im gonna have to go double check which ones it was but anthea i think had delusions and hallucinations.

okay wait uhh shadow triad :D these three ALSO have problems. they were taken in at an even younger age than N was, sculpted into being the same person AND were all born angels. three, in christianity, is recognized as a holy number. they each had one set of wings that was their own, and then ghetsis put another two sets of wing symbolism into their outfits, giving them three pairs of wings each. three of them, which is the holy number, and then three pairs of wings, which is even MORE holy number

see the thing is, and this was so fun to think about, 666 is an evil number. a number that people generally consider to be the devil's number, but was used in reference to an awful king. now, recognize that if you put them all together, they have 6 wings each, and there is three of them, so..... 666

sorry its so. awaugh my friend is such a genius for this

anyway. they're fallen angels because ghetsis has them do all his dirty work, and the thing is. one of them is scared of ghetsis. in a different way to the others.

the others trust ghetsis. the others love him. the others think of him as a father, but this one... he can't. ghetsis was just... he was always there. over his shoulder when he did something wrong. caught him when he shouldn't have been able to. there's just... something wrong with it, and he can't... he can't find comfort in ghetsis the way his brothers can.

okay i dont think i can talk about this anymore because now im getting distracted by the other stuff we used to talk about cough cough the pkmn fangame we made up but anyway @ouughhh :} angel au

[lovestuckstarz]

Also gonna add crossberry to the list because of comments! @italic-doing-random-shit :

Horrorberry -

I really enjoy them because I feel like Horror wouldn't really care for how food tastes, just wants food. Also think they could meet because I am BIG on US being like a "hub area" since I see it as the most peaceful AU and Blue actively helps AU's all the time, think of it like the omega timeline!

Anyways, I think he'd volunteer to help his AU with the whole food issue but give everyone like real food not humans and since Horror doesn't eat humans he DESPERATELY needs it and probably tries to help have everyone eat first before him but Blue forces him to sit and relax and what not. I feel like Horror would be heavily annoyed at seeing someone actually energized and all over the place but find it amusing overtime.

I also feel like with Horror's psychosis if Blue realizes something seems off, reassures him and just squeezes his hand and what not. Also since Horrors clothes are all tattered he'd probably help sew things up for it to look nicer and all that.

Dustberry-

STARS DO I HAVE FEELINGS <3

How I see Dust is that he IS Classic! I have two routes of how 'Classic' just went MIA OR Dust sort of just pretends to be Classic to save face but makes excuses why they cant meet up at his AU but I mainly love the first one!

This heavily influences how I see Dustberry. I feel like when hanging out with Fell and Blue, he'd just crack one day saying how tired he was of resets and what not (I HC Blue doesnt remember them but he knows of them) so Blue just does what he does and tells him it'll be okay and they can figure it out.

OFC this doesn't happen so when he's forced onto NM's team I'd like to think thats around when Blue joins the Stars so their one sided knowing reunion is as enemies. I feel like Dust mentally would be proud of seeing Blue get stronger each fight because Classic mindset. I feel like if he were to tell Blue, Blue would be upset at first but be so happy his friend is at least alive.

Since I HC Dust being an asshole I feel like he'd use 'Classic' as a stab towards Blue to sort of get his way in certain things. They'd def not be good for one another, I can fix him I can make him so much worse trope.

Dreamberry-

I feel as if this could go down many different ways. I feel like it would be mainly one sided though.

I feel like if one sided on Blue's side, Dream wouldn't outright say 'no' because of positivity so would string him along not really getting how messed up it is since being trapped in stone I dont think he's morally all there.

If Dream were to like Blue I don't think he'd say it because he's immortal, he probably loved and watch people die before and can't have it happen again so as long as they're friends thats good enough.

NOW! If they were to date I think it would be very cute!! I think they'd have a lot of date nights but Ink always end up tagging a long because he forgot LOL. I also think it could help Dream and his role as guardian because he is no longer only fighting for himself and his want to get his brother back, but he now has someone to actually fight for as well that isn't just a source to him (to put it lightly).

Crossberry-

I love this ship so much oh my stars. I have so many ways this one could go.

If he were to follow up on Blue's offer instead of getting decked by Fell, I think despite Stretch's warning Blue would take him in and help him. He'd show him the ropes of the surface, maybe go to the little taco joint, and they both can discover choco tacos together even though Cross might like them more.

If it were to take place like Blue's AU get saved and what not after everything, I think Cross would feel like he is in debt to Blue since his final moments with Blue was him just trying to help and it is his fault why his AU died and what not. I think it might make Blue uncomfortable since I see him as the devoted knight trope so it happening to him might be new and weird but I think they could easily have a talk and what not.

I think it would also be cute for Cross to do a little apology to everyone and Blue just holding his hand as he does so and probably Queen Toriel just giving him a hug LOL.

I also think Cross would help train Blue for the royal guard or whatever the surface equivalent is and probably the only person who could keep up with Blue in all his little tasks and what not since I HC once he gets to the surface he wants to do EVERYTHING so is like that sitcom friend where everyday they have a new job but not bc he got fired just because hes so adventurous LOL.

"Whats on your calendar today?" "OH IM GOING TO DO XYZ XYZ XYZ, YOU CAN JOIN IF YOU WISH!" "Yeah that would be nice, lemme get dressed" type shit

these arent all my thoughts but just the big main ones if you get me yapping for a long period times and build off of it i can give you like 9000 others LOL

I wanna be interactive with you guys bc im bored soooo

BESIDES KILLERBRRY BC I ALREADY SAID MY PIECE:

give me a Swap ship and I'll explain why I like it and different HCs!

[onemillionvolts]

GM CYNO

what if i told you every single question in the ask game should be answered, that or WHO IS THE SEXUEST PERSIN THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

GOOD MORNING HI HI. BET. im gonna do all of them you bet i wont but i will. youre the best for this btw

IMMEDIATELY? PFFFF HOW LONG DO U HAVE LET ME GET MY LIST

0. height

i yam 5 foot 6 (and a half)

1. virgin?

what the fuck did you just call me? /lhj

anyways in my head yes i am and thats what matters isnt it

2. shoe size

i wear 11s and god i wish that thing people say about shoe size was true 🤙

3 + 4 + 5. do you smoke/drink/do drugs

no and i never plan to <33

6. age you get mistaken for

i.. honestly have no answer to this tbh

7 + 8. do you have (and/or want) any tattoos?

i don't have any, i'd like one/some but i'm not really sure what i'd get

9 + 10. do you have/want any piercings

no to both PFFFF i think like... a clip on lip piercing would probably be my personal limit

11. best friend

...ego stroker much, tumblr user wangshu? /t PFFFFF

12. relationship status

harem with fake 2d men single. yeah uh. single

13. biggest turn ons

tbh... i cant think of any off the top of my head that aren't painfully obvious

14. biggest turn offs

ducklips iykyk

15. favorite movie

i'm not kidding when i say step brothers. but if you want a more respectable answer, nightmare before christmas

16. i'll love you if

you aren't an asshole??? i mean ik it's hypocritical of me to say but cmon

17. someone you miss

i've lost a lot of family over the years so probably someone there tbh

18. most traumatic experience

when my ex lived with me and i wish i was joking it was that fucking bad

19. A fact about your personality

which one /hj

i do think.. i overcompensate a lot by trying to be funny bc i dont feel like i HAVE a personality so there's that about me

20. What i hate most about myself

mm thats a toughie it could be the appearance or the voice or the attachment issues or the codependency issues or the jealousy issues or the mood swings or the weak immune system or the several mental illnesses or holy shit this is turning into a pity party

21. what i love most about myself

im an alright writer i guess? and id like to think i'm a good friend

22. what i want to be when i get older

i just wanna write man idc what

23. my relationship with my sibling(s)

i have 0 of them

24. my relationship with my parents

my moms cool but the less said about my dad the better

25. my idea of the perfect date

literally just staying in and watching a movie with snacks and stuff... honestly never thought about it much

26. My biggest pet peeves

UM UM um people who think the world revolves around them people who don't know the difference between their there and they're um people who Unironically Capitalize Every Word Like This oh i could go on

27. a description of the person i like

big hat dumb bowlcut open kimono /j

28. description of the person i dislike the most

um literally jusr my dad so. narcissistic explosive annoying abusive etc etc

29. A reason i've lied to a friend

only time i'm lyin is when i say tiggy ain't best boy 💯

30. what i hate most about work/school

it kinda semi interferes w my night owl ways but otherwise i'm chill

31. what your last text message says

gonna use actual texts cause using disc is too easy 👹 it was just me asking my mom if she wanted a drink from mcdonalds from last sunday

32. what words upset me the most

does this mean like. just words you hate or a phrase/sentence that upsets u...

uh i'll do it both ways. the word bussin makes me want to fall down an abyss a la childe ajax tartaglia

and uh. i hate being told i don't do enough, specifically by people who don't do jack shit in the first place. AGAIN iykyk

33. what words make me feel best abt myself

oh it was the second thing. honestly don't hve an answer to this but i just hold onto any compliment i get for actual years so there's that about me

34. what i find attractive in women

eyes its eyes

35. what i find attractive in men

sense of humor tbh

36. where i would like to live

somewhere close to a big city so that it isn't massively crowded and loud and overwhelming all the time but i'm close enough to stores and hospitals and all that stuff

37. One of my insecurities

i feel like this has already been asked in like 6 different ways.. prolly my body tho

38. my childhood career choice

honestly i've.. always been kinda laughably indecisive about this type of thing. i never wanted to be like, an astronaut or fireman or any of the cliche stuff that kids talk about i.. don't think i ever thought of it actually

39. my favorite ice cream flavor

cookies n cream 👹 specifically like a cookies n cream cheesecake blizzard from like dq or culvers.. that shit is unmatched

40. Who i wish i could be

a mentally stable person or cyno genshin (real)

41. where i want to be right now

in bed <///3

42. the last thing i ate

leftover pizza <3

43. SEXIEST PERSON THAT COMES TO MIND IMMEDIATELY

TIGHNARI FINAL ANSWRR I DONT PERCEIVE REAL PEOPLE

44. a random fact about anything

all odd numbers contain the letter E

GOLLY THIS WAS SO FUN.

[dukeofonions]

hi so i.found ur blog and its honestly like a breath of fresh air to look at so if its ok i might just fuckin,,vent here.

so. ik a lot of other people have been talking abt how pof was really straining to watch and i am.very late to the party but i need to talk abt it bcz holy fuck. when i first watched it i was in a way better place mwntally, also the general excitement of wow,content kinda overrode the headache and the eye hurty and the just. bad. but i was rewatching it recently because i was basing a fic off it and i just. i couldnt finish it because all of it was just so much and there was no fuckin warning?? so that was pog ig

next thing because i have. a lot of thoughts. ive been in the fandom for not-very-long, i joined in the middle of 2019 or something.and it just kinda sucks because im only still here for the fandom. i love the series but i can only watch dwit and compilations of logan/roman being sad so much before i can basically recite them off the top of my head. but i reallyreally love writing for the fandom!! it makes me so happy to do the writing, its just the fact that im not as invested with the series that makes me feel,,idk man guilty ig?? anyway thats too deep for a rant so im.a move on

god so tw me not liking post aa virgil and me talking abt toxic friends but hoooly fuck man. i just. pre aa virgil was fun because he was snarky and sarcastic and i could actually stand the nagst because his character made sense?? he was the 'bad guy' and he wasnt as woobified back then and he was honestly a solid vibe. but post aa virgil gives off the vibe of that one friend who fuckin, gets angry at you when you bring up any of your mental health issues and then blames their outburst on their mental health issuea and its like?? no i hate that character dynamic. people say bad things when the feel bad, sure, ik i have, but its the vibe of 'im gonna threaten you and then blame it on my mental health but if you so much as look at me wrong while ur having sensory overload or something i will smite you with the force of one thousand suns' and i am just.so tired. also ithink someone else said this but we should just call the series 'virgil sanders and the rest' because thats what it is now ksbdjqkbsq

also (all ofthese are my opinions btw and im not trying to say im rigbt im just tired honestly) the way. in pof the way patton's whole thing is 'you need empathy' is not funky fresh for both people with low empathy and high empathy 😎 bcz ppl with too much/too little empathy are always told theyre 'cold' or that theyre 'oversensitive', the whole 'there is an average amount of empathy and if u dont have that fuck you actually' is icky and bad and gross. i do think patton's character is really well done in the series but that episode jjust personally. ick.

and finally the moment uve not been waiting for bcz this is probably really tiring to read but the moment youve been waiting for-fwsa.just. why. its cute and stuff and i love nico. nico is a vibe. also bathroom man john is great. but shouldnt roman still be on shit terms with thomas?? like lk we're just gonna sweep away the whole 'i thought i wad ur hero' shizz? cool cool, glad to know romans arc still aint happening. also i get it, we needed to cement that virgil is a light side now. but like..did we?? actually bcz this is so long im gonna send in a second ask (im sososorry if this clogs up ur ask box if u tell me to stop i will i just. many thoughts) abt how even though i hate virgil, his arc should have been done. so differently. just gonna put like,, a mushroom emoji here so u can put the 2 asks together if u want 🍄

You’re always free to vent here! Sorry it took so long to respond but life has a cruel habit of getting in the way of things I need to do. 

So for starters, the POF problem should be talked about more so I can assure you that you’re not late to the party. It never really got the amount of attention it deserved so I am more than willing to bring that back up and trust me, you’re not alone. 

And again, you’re not alone in this either! Plenty of people still enjoy creating content for these characters. You don’t have to feel guilty for not finding the actual series interesting because honestly, I’m kinda losing interest too. But I still love these characters and I love that the fandom is still creating stories with them through different mediums.

Honestly I agree with just about everything you said about Virgil and I do eventually plan on tackling a lot of this in a future post. You know, if I ever force myself to just sit down and write the dang thing... 

Oh my gosh I’ve been waiting for someone to talk about this because that whole thing about empathy in POF really ticked me off because you’re absolutely right, not everyone is 100% empathetic, and some people can be empathetic to a point where it hurts themselves. Like I get what they were trying to say but it came across as, well, like you said. “If you’re don’t have this exact level of empathy then eff you I guess you’re a bad person.” Maybe that actually wasn’t their intention but it sure came across that way and maybe I’ll go into it a little more in another post because now that I’ve been reminded of it again I kinda wanna talk about it more. 

Okay yes, FWSA on its own is a good episode. Heck, it’s one of my favorites. It feels closer to a season one episode than ATHD that’s for sure. The problem with this episode isn’t the quality but the fact that it comes right after POF. And I’ve basically gone over this in my “Problem With Asides” post and how it affects both Roman and Virgil’s current arcs so I won’t go into much more detail here but just know that I pretty much agree with all of this. 

Also don’t worry about cluttering up my inbox. It’s here for people to share their thoughts and that’s exactly what you’re doing! Hope to see your part two soon mushroom anon! 

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 2

Ooh fresh take: Jan is virge’s patron and that’s why there’s beef

Also: Jan is some sort of fae related being

Jan: i need you to do something for me Virgil: no Janus: that's not how this works!! Virgil: watch me :P

Okay so I was thinking of Patton as a cleric cuz ooh healer however, Patton as a Druid makes me so happy

I want logan to have Rage

(Also that could tie nicely in an arc about Logan learning to accept feelings)

but barbarian logan is going to be a scholar again and is gonna be smort

bc hes logan. he cant be not smart

Oh I figured he’d be the bbeg that eventually joins the party (hurt/comfort baybee!)(Remus)

he was the bbeg but then joined the party as a bardbarian or just a bard

plus, actual bard who accidentally casts vicious mockery instead of bardic inspiration

Side note: please include a scene where Remus attempts to seduce the dragon

also with this second au, i can start them at like level 5 so people can multiclass

Pat as cleric/druid

gasp logan as artificer/barbarian

janus sorcerer/rogue

because basically everything but alchemist would work well with barbarian, but alchemist feels very Logan

bc mad scientist being actually mad

alchemist logan making an experimental potion and going "here im not sure what this does but im sure its fine! someone drink it"

Remus does it voluntarily, but Logan usually tries to get Roman to drink it

Virgil will occasionally drink it when he's on his last legs and is just like.....100% done with the party

remus as a wild magic path barbarian and just fucking teleporting or doing something equally ridiculous whenever he rages

Oh my god Remus with rage would be a force to be reckoned with

You gotta describe the first time he goes into a rage really dramatically

obviously virgil is trying to "escape" his patron, Janus (really just do whatever he says to not do out of spite)

Eldritch knight roman

Feywild warlock virgil

hey so in the second d&d au, should roman and remus be actual full siblings but like remus went darkside and like romans just trying to get back at him for putting a dark stain on the family name

hey hey hey what about warforged Logan? (essentially a robot)(so like "i dont feel anything" becoming real)

okay hear me out. elf roman and elf base simic hybrid remus. so like maybe the reason remus went darkside was experimentation? so like. hes elf but special

FALLEN AASIMAR VIRGIL

virgil just transforming in the middle of a combat scenario and like his eyes turn into black pits and flightless skeletal wings appear on his back and like everyone near him has to make a charisma check and like he deals extra necrotic damage

Pat is the one human stuck in a band of misfits

so with it, roman would be a full elf, and remus would be an elf that has tentacles bc octopus

So robot logan

i meant literally he doesnt feel anything

like he has all the emotions, but he doesnt physically feel the need to like eat or sleep or stuff like that

he just.....he pretend he don't have the feelings.....but he do.....he feel so much and he hides it all in his littol mechanical heart <3

plus......if he warforged, then like.....AC huge

he stands in front of friends.....he protecc...."no, i don't have feelings, i am physically incapable of affection" but he do!! he do! he take hits for them because he do!! he care so much

Bro he spouts all this and then he uses a reaction to dive in front of someone and everyone’s just like oh

LIKE ROMAN STILL BEING MEAN TO LO BC HE THINKS HE DOESNT HAVE FEELINGS BECAUSE HE DOESNT HAVE A HEART BUT HE DOES

hey hey everyone needs to grow

and logan standing up for himself and other people stepping in and saying no stop thats not right

plus if canon wont give me roman facing the consequences of his actions towards Logan......

but also Roman learning how to properly handle his own emotions and how he interacts with others

logan who doesn't view himself as anything more than a machine to be useful to others

the party giving logan love and affection until he slowly learns his own worth as a person

Roman and Logan not getting along (maybe Roman has a Lore reason to distrust Warforged, maybe not) and slowly learning to trust each other

when Logan is feeling real down or having some issue, Roman actually comes through to help him, showing how far both characters have come

Okay yes but also can we please give Roman more confidence than canon? Like I’m sooooo sick of low self esteem being played for laughs or just being really really sad

this boy is going on a mission and will slap his brother upside the head and tell him to shut tf up remus youre not a monster just come back home and he will do it alone if need be

OKAY SO WHAT IF HE ORIGINALLY WENT ON THE QUEST JUST TO STOP REMUS ONCE AND FOR ALL BC ROMAN THOUGHT HE WAS A MONSTER, BUT ALONG THE WAY, AND AFTER LOGAN, HE CAME TO REALIZE THAT NO, JUST BECAUSE REMUS (AND LOGAN) ARE DIFFERENT, THEY ARENT MONSTERS, JUST DIFFERENT

AND LIKE IN THE FINAL PUSH TO MAKE REMUS JOIN BACK WITH HIS BROTHER, ROMAN IS PROJECTING HIS OWN FEELINGS ONTO REMUS AND EVERYONE IS LIKE WOW BRO YOU GOOD THERE, BUT ITS A BIG MOMENT FOR LOGAN, ROMAN, AND REMUS

im unsure as to how, but it happened when he was an older teen/young adult. a simic scientist either picked him (read: kidnapped), or remus volunteered (potentially to escape court life, unaware what exactly the experiment was going to do to him physically

bc also, remus and roman are royalty

so like. how best to get at the nobes/royalty/rich famous people than by turning their kid into a monster

wait, wait, wait, because i'm lowkey a sucker for this trope, but i'm not sure if it fits Remus: the experiments left him with some fairly significant physical pain/uncontrolled magical reactions. through some combo of trying to deal with that and trying find a cure for his pain, he keeps like....absolutely wrecking random towns on accident but also deliberately wrecking certain places looking for either a) vengeance on the guy(s) responsible or b) someone who can make the pain stop

SO LIKE. WILD MAGIC BARBARIAN DOING WEIRD SHIT TO HIM WHENEVER HE RAGES

AND LOGAN COULD MAYBE HELP WITH THE PAIN AND SHIT

BC ALCHEMY

Yknow, for simplification purposes, we could say the True Bbeg just gave Remus lycanthropy and Remus hasn’t managed to control it yet

lycanthropy but simic shit?

Mr. I-Don't-Have-Feelings sees the poor dude in pain and also Roman in emotional pain from seeing his brother in pain and is absolutely like "i must resolve this like right now, immediately" because he definitely doesn't hate seeing his friend suffering, or his friend's brother whom he's just met

he definitely doesn't relate at all to the idea of someone else shaping your body and absolutely does not sympathize with Remus's plight

i was thinking the grappling thing and either manta glide or the ability to breathe underwater for the simic stuff, but like he doesnt have control over the tentacles yet?

Manta glide seems like we could have fun battle scenes

he just jumps off a cliff to avoid mushy talk/dealing with his actions/roman

Roman: Remus just because you're a monster and though i wish i was an only child-- Remus, jumping off a cliff: byyeeeeee Patton: Roman, look what you did! Virgil: dammit jan what did you do? Janus: why do you think i had anything to do with that? im a fae, not a genie Logan, thinking: what an asshole. i wish i could do that

oh my god Logan always being tired mentally bc he cant sleep

Oh my gosh I love that. So Remus got kidnapped super young, (from royal family) they never found him, as a result Roman had to grow up super fast (side effect: lowkey inconsiderate and forgets to ask for others input). Meanwhile, Remus was experimented on by True Bbeg and came out with some trauma and super cool additives

yep! chronic pain and ptsd and all sorts of other shit!

so like, simic hybrids are usually created when they're adults. but what if the true bbeg decided to go younger to see what would happen, and thats why remus has chronic pain and stuff

he was still growing when his genes were spliced, so hes dealing with growth plates shifting and his body maturing and puberty and body changes and stuff

Pat is going to have a lighthearted story. Im saying that now. Hes the one without all the baggage

Sure, but his parents have to lowkey be the really kind people who are surprisingly always down for violence

everyone: multiple crises Pat: y'all need help Pat: love and affection in spades for his little band of misfits

Patton (which I think would be pretty simple, honestly he might just see danger and jump in and suddenly everyone in the party has Feelings)

Logan

Mhm. So how did he grow up? Was he just poof created? Wait

What if he was created by the king?

To make up for remuss disappearance

wait, wait....angst......he was created to fight (hence the barbarian stuff) but alchemy is his real passion

wait so like. a second son???

hes there to replace remus?

Yea! (But like in a sympathetic grief way) But that causes a bit of a complex in Roman and ergo Roman and Logan have a bit of a beef

okay so like. hes there to be a companion for roman, and like take remus' place, even though hes not actually in line for the throne?

LOGAN AS A KNIGHT

and just......the conflict of being created for a specific purpose (plus being, you know, robot and technically incapable of deviated from said purpose) vs the fact that he actually does have independent consciousness and like....wants to live life for himself

the parents made Logan a barbarian in hopes that him and Roman would be safe

okay. so logan was created by the king with the sole purpose to take remus' place as romans brother/companion, and to be his like guard? protector? and fight, but logan wants to be an alchemist and study shit

wait, wait, wait.....thinks about Asimov's Laws

he.....his first operative is protect (specifically protect Roman)

oh man. so hes literally just a shield

his second level operative is just like.....care for Roman's emotional well-being, but he doesn't really know emotions because he was kinda just spawned and nobody told him how

and he just....kind of....lets Roman treat him like garbage and take all his grief out on him because he's staunchly in denial of both having feelings or knowing how they work

Anyway Yea so Logan created by royal family in place of Remus which created angst between the two “brothers” and identity issues in Logan. Their arcs are learning how to healthily process emotions plus Roman apology and Logan commits to alchemy

So big question: why did virge make a deal?

Tricked

he gave janus his name

and instead of janus like killing him or whatever the fae do to people who break the rules of dealing with the fae, jan was like. hey. i'll give you magic, but do what i say

Janus is lawful neutral, but leans towards being selfish

hes self serving, but he has a strong set of morals and rules he follows

Tho I want to Virgil to also not be pushover so let’s say loophole happened and Jan has to stay with virge (hence why Jan is a part of the party)

okay so a couple of the rules are dont give a fae your true name and don't try to figure out their true name

So

what if virgil accidentally gave up part of his true name, and got stuck in the deal, but then figured out janus' true name

so in the same vein that janus had control over virgil, virgil now has more control over janus

he still gets his magic from janus, so he cant break free completely, but virgil has more freedom and can occasionally tell janus what to do or when to shove it

there should a running gag where virge can explain how he learned Jan’s true name but Jan can make something loudly censor him every time

(he learned his name bc once he heard janus practicing his evil genius voice and talking to himself in the mirror and janus said his true name)

so maybe janus sent virgil on the quest to protect a town or stop something related to remus, but virgil dragged him along

he might just be trying to protect a town thats close to a ley line, or something fae-related, and they just happen upon the whole thing

janus is selfish. but lawful vs chaotic is where he comes through, in morals vs doing whatever. janus has a strong set of loyalties to the fae, and to himself

so like....Remus is just too close to Jan's stuff and he wants to take him down

Virgil is just like....exhausted and said "fine, but if i gotta do this, you're coming, too"

or at least figure out a way to protect his place, even if it doesnt mean fully taking out remus. just moving him would work for jan

Janus: virgilllllllllll hes going to mess up my magic storage locker Virgil: Jan, its empty Janus: but its mine

Yea. Remus attacks a city away from the fae: Jan: Yknow I’m gonna sit this one out Virge: oh no you don’t, get up

Or

Janus vs Janice

so his real name is Janus, but Virgil calls him Janice

Virgil: This is Janice Janice: with a “U-S” Virgil: mhm, sure Jan

I'm a big fan of just like any of the old theory name being various aliases for Jan

Damien, Dante, Ethan, Declan, etc, etc

[ma-lark-ey]

I'm making this post the disclose my current opinions on the Dndads discourse and how frivolous its become.

I would like to preface with one thing;

This post contains content of grooming and manipulation, as this has been the main discussion in this fandom and the issues. I am speaking from my own personal experience, as a former victim of grooming who only recently escaped my abuser. I will not say their name, those who I feel comfortable knowing further information on this already know.

this is my trauma, and I am speaking from my experiences. This is one of the hardest possible topics I could touch on, and I beg anyone who still cares to listen, whether I change your mind or not. Listen.

I've wrestled with my support of this podcast for eleven weeks now. Maybe longer. Since before the discourse became a major thing. I've wrestled with this since episode 34 was released, and I need you understand that.

I need you to understand that I believe the hosts have done what they can to fix these issues. And I genuinely do not see what people still want from them. I will address each topic one at a time, and if I touch on things lesser than others, please understand that this discourse triggers a trauma that I underwent less than a year ago. a trauma I am still processing.

1. Grant, and his over sexualization.

The jokes revolving Grant and his sexual orientation or exploration were sometimes in very poor taste, I am not that blind. I will not defend them or say they weren't as bad as they are. But here'd what people have to think about when we talk about this; Those jokes are already in the episode. They cannot be removed, and the best the hosts can do about that is avoid that humor in the future. Humans are not perfect, and humor is ever growing part of a person, its always a tossup of if a joke will land or not. These did not, and they have not made these jokes since they got called on it.

On the Discord claims about them discussing his porn history, I can say nothing on that. I've seen no sources or proof that that happened. I won't make any opinions or comments on that until I've seen concrete proof that these conversations happened.

2. The Unsafe Discord.

They're Discord is no longer unsafe. Blanket statement, no discussion open. Here's the thing and here's where I'm going into my personal experience; Discords minor precautions arent up to par either. The DnDads hosts have made their 18+ channels, they've made the Discord clear to not be a totally kid friendly place and has tried to separate adults and minors. But they genuinely can only do so much. Minors can easily bypass these guidelines, and that is where we get to the whole grooming argument.

As a grooming victim, this is not the slippery slope people make it out to be. And adult fans,,this is where I'm telling you to sit down and shut up for a minute. Listen, for just a moment. I know I'm "just a kid" but, I've lived the possible outcomes you've thrown out. I lived that experience, and I lived. I survived, and the way you talk about it is so invalidating to me its absolutely disgusting.

I'm prefacing this with this may sound ineloquent, and not as "pleasant" as I usually like to sound. Because with this I expect people to listen. Its not in the public ass Discord server where you should watch out for the child. Its if you see an 18+ individual actively DMing that person, and this minor speaking about this person as if they're a major part of their life.

I need you to understand that I was genuinely wary of one of our own community members when I first began speaking with them, because of this trauma. I wary of ALL of our community members. I didn't share my other socials with people in this community unless I knew their content first. There have been multiple times I've stopped myself from messaging who I will call "My Annus" because of this trauma I've endured.

And I'm sorry, but Waterdeep genuinely has no precautions set in place to separate adults and minors that the DnDads Patreon does not. You cannot act like saints and villainize them, when they adjusted and became you. Then either both of you are saints or both of you are demons.

Children interacting with adults is always a bit set back at first. But I've been groomed. Twice. And you people act like its obvious, like it can happen so easily. And it does, it happens easily. First its them texting you so much you feel overwhelmed, then its them becoming someone you rely on. Someone who makes you pity them.

And its not gonna be people who are SIGNIFCANTLY older. (i.e, I feel much less worry interacting with 30 year olds than I do 18-22 year olds.) Because the adult people that feel 'more understandable' to be friends with cause their just barely adults? they tend to pry harder. They can get away with it. Thats just fact. The people who say "Oh I'm eighteen, but I just turned eighteen" I'm always the wariest of. Not because I'm convinced they're bad people or whatever, but because both times; my abuser was one of those people. This was two different people as well.

And thats what the adults of this fandom won't address. That its not the slope they've made it out to be. Because then they have to retract statements they made, and a lot of people, minors and adults, just don't have the humility to do that.

The only advice I can give to people in the server, who are worried for the minors. These are the only signs I can give you, and this is from my experience or the experience of other survivors I've spoken to, and I'm by no means saying this is concrete.

Abusers tend to be /just/ enough of an adult to be considered on, but not so old that it'll be considered weird for them to befriend a minor. The age gaps I see most often are 14/19 or in that kind of range. They'll go for the lonelier or newer folks, the ones who haven't built their group in the community and are just entering. The ones looking for their place in the hierarchy. If you want to help protect us, you watch like a mother bear when a new minor joins.

A lot of us don't realize its happening until its too late, and by the time we realize the situation we've fallen into its too late for us to get ourselves out. The majority of us have weak wills and a fear of conflict.

3. What the Hosts have done in response.

I honestly, genuinely think the hosts have done a lot of steps in the right direction. And in recent episodes? man, they've tagged their shit better than the McElroys, and no I'm not reaching there.

Honestly, they kind of did before to, on topics they knew were really rough for some people.

When they warned for the Willy Stapler stuff, I was grateful. They warned me I may be triggered by Ron and Willy's dynamic before I was forced with it. The McElroys had a scene with grooming in Grad, and I wasn't warned. I couldn't mentally prepare myself and I had a minor reaction to it. And thats not at all to shit on the McElroys, anyone who knows me know I love that family more than anything. That they saved me. Thats just a statement I need you all to understand.

The Hosts aren't "ignoring us" they're listening to us. They genuinely are. They saw we wanted content warnings, and they gave us some of the best content warnings I've seen. They've content warned episodes I didnt see reason for content warnings.

4. The Transcripts.

Look, this is beating a dead horse at this point. I, personally, have debated beginning to transcribe episode. I know they said they will, and I trust their word. But thats all we can really do, right?

I've transcribed things myself before, guys, and thats hard. and it takes time. and knowing them, they'll want to get all the current episodes up at once, and thats gonna take a hot minute to get down. And we can go into "Well why didnt they transcribe from the beginning?" and well, that's because transcribing just wasn't a thing until recently? Like again, going back to MBMBAM and McElroys, they don't even have all of TAZ transcribed last I checked (I believe their transcriptions go from Grad-Stolen Century, and anything before Stolen Century doesn't have one yet. I may be wrong on that.)

I will not speak on the other grievances and issues people have brought up in the show. The topics I covered are the only ones I feel comfortable speaking on on a public platform, where my words can sway opinions.

There is no TL;DR, because as I said in the beginning; if you can't read this, you aren't listening well enough nor willing to actually discuss the issues you have. You're looking for something to be mad about. Period, end of discussion.

I don't say that to act like I'm some authority on this, or some higher being above all of you for "being forgiving." Because, frankly I don't forgive them. I will continue to support them for making steps in the right direction, and upping their game. But, I won't forgive them for their jokes or the brief lack of precaution in the server. But, I will move on and I will support them. Because, as a victim of the problems people brought up in those situations, the steps the took are the best ones they could have. And I am grateful for that.

If other survivors read this and disagree, you're perfectly valid in that. We all went something, and it effects each of us differently. My heart goes out to you, as well, I know how isolating and genuinely terrifying those experiences and situations can be.

To those who aren't survivors and have read this; I beg you to think about this.

I am open to discussion further on this, but to an extent. There are some opinions I hold in this message that I will flat out tell you to not debate me on, not because of anything other than what I said in this post was hard enough to me to say.

Thank you for your time. EDIT: I implore anyone reading to the read the notes on this post, more information and discussion can be found and all of it is just as important. 

[spiderstyles04]

COBRA KAI SN 3 SPOILERS

Episode 1:

Can’t stand the fact that they’re trying to make Sam the victim, fuck the white bitch 😤. (okay yeah she’s kinda the victim but like she deserves to be blamed)

I can’t stand the fact that everybody keeps trying to make Robby the villain (ik he’s MIA, but the words they’re calling him make me wanna punt their asses into oblivion 🧎🏽‍♂️🏌️)

Episode 2:

Kreese is actually fucking sadistic wtf.

fuck men (esp. those that prey on young girls).

cops @ the prison rlly said: “I aint see nothin at all -👄-“.

wow so you can definitely see who is Johnny’s priority! Instead of continuing to look for his missing son, he went to go see Miguel🖕🏻.

and Miguel is like boohoo why’d this happen to me it’s all Johnny’s fault. Uh no it’s partially yours for accelerating the fight. Shouldn’t have gotten in the middle of a fight if you wanted to come out unharmed.

Robby blaming himself for everything and worry abt the others before himself is making me cry my eyes out pls 😭😖.

Daniel fucking Larusso rlly said let’s catch this scared teenage boy off guard and have a cop sneak up on him and arrest him

Episode 3:

I hate that Robby is in jail but he looks hot af

Not the LaRussos blaming Robby’s grudge on him being a teenage. Like you literally had a cop sneak up on a terrified kid and you expect him to take your calls???? I think tf not.

Sksks Sam rlly out here acting like Tory got angry outta nowhere and that she had no reason for being brutal. Yeah having a bad background doesn’t justify bullying but you kinda provoked her. YOU KISSED ANOTHER GIRL’S BOYFRIEND WHILE YOU HAD ONE OF YOUR OWN. SUCK IT UP AND SHUT UP LIL BABY.

Not Robby fighting with guys in prison over their comments abt Sam of all ppl 💀 she’s the reason you’re in there and she cheated, what the fuck are you defending her for?

sad puppy Robby is making me tear up shit I love him too much to see him in pain 😖

God I hate Eli. Imagine being jealous of not being able to creative enough to raise money for your friend so you resort to stealing the money from the only ones able to get money for him 💀.

“Douche clown” BAHAHA.

NOT JOHNNY MISSING OUT ON SEEING ROBBY BC HE WAS WITH MIGUEL HE COULD’VE CALLED AND LET HIM KNOW FUCK JOHNNY

Episode 4:

NOT JOHNNY ASSUMING THAT ROBBY IS THE ONE STARTING FIGHTS (reminds me of Jess and Rory from Gilmore Girls when she accused him of fighting with Dean when rlly he just got attacked by a bird)

I love that Robby is telling Johnny off like PERIODT KING GO OFF

Nah if some idiot wrecked my lego diagram that took me weeks to build, I’d knock him on his ass no hesitation. Idgaf if I got expelled

Not the counselor completely disregarding the fact that Dimitri’s project was wrecked

Every time Johnny enters Robby’s life, he just makes shit harder for him. I feel horrible for my bby

Kreese has a god complex & I wanna put him in the ground 🕳👨🏻‍🦽👩🏽‍🦯

Little miss princess got some anger issues oop

Not Johnny making a paralyzed kid get out of bed 💀

THOSE KIDS IN JUVIE BOUTA FEEL MY WRATH MFRS DISRESPECTING ROBBY MAKE ME WANNA SKSKSJSB

KREESE BETTER BACK THE EVERLOVING FUCK AWAY FROM MY BBY ROBBY I WILL NOT HESITATE TO RECREATE A CRIMINAL MINDS EPISODE WITH YOUR BODY GRANDPA DONT TEST ME

Episode 5:

Robby basically telling Kreese to fuck off and tell talk to “somebody who gives a shit” is everything to me I love him

Not Johnny using a sex magazine to motivate Miguel 🤢

If Robby gets back with Sam I will RIOT

Imagine taking pleasure from terrorizing others and children sksksk couldn’t be me

Damn it Robby you shouldn’t be fighting. It’s only gonna make your sentence worse bby. Ik he’s an asshole, but you gotta be the bigger man

The fight in the lazer tag place I- not even gonna comment

YAY MIGUEL GOT SOME MOVEMENT BACK IN HIS LEGS

POP OFF MRS. LARUSSO YOU PUT KREESE IN HIS PLACE

Episode 6:

I’m glad Eli is abt to get the vibe check he deserves

Miguel rlly should choose what he says more wisely like sir you can’t just tell the angry mentally unstable girl that she needs help sksksksk those are words of war to her

Oh Mrs. LaRusso getting in on the action lmao

Episode 7:

Damn Tory rlly wakes up every day and chooses violence uh it was a dream nvm

There’s no fooking way Miguel recovered from a spinal injury so quickly 🙄 also why’d they throw away the wheelchair??? That shit is expensive af

Imagine having a dad that actually feels genuinely bad for not keep up with your life SKSK couldn’t be me

I haven’t seen Robby in a hot minute and I’m getting pissed abt it.

I love when ppl tell Eli off. Gives me a diff kind of joy

tf is Eagle Fang sksksks

@ Kreese: Bye bitch 🥴

Episode 8:

THE DIFFERENCE BTWN THE THREE DOJOS IS SO FUNNY BAHAHAHAH

I cant believe they’re dicusssing Kreese when they’re abt to pick up Robby I- none of these men are fit to be stable father figured to him

Glad Robby told them to fuck off bc when the going gets tough, unfortunately, they will always choose someone else over Robby

But I’m all here for Miguel’s character development. Looks like soon I’ll have a total of 2 characters that I like on this show

NOT ROBBY DEFENDING SAM FOR CHEATING AND CALLING IT A MISTAKE PLS YOU ARE SO NAIVE SHUT UP SHES A STUPID GIRL WHO THINKS SHE CAN GET AWAY WITH EVERYTHING PLS OPEN YOUR EYES

Eyyy go off Miguel preach

Nvm fuck that. I’m glad Robby walked in on Miguel and Sam flirting so he could see she isn’t all she’s cracked up to be. I’m glad he’s telling them off. I just hate that they’re making him out to be a villain, AGAIN UGH

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO IF ONLY YALL COULD HEAR MY SCREAM OF ANGUISH WHEN ROBBY WALKED THROUGH THE DOORS OF COBRA KAI BABY NO YOURE THE GOOD GUY DONT GO WITH THE FUCKING PSYCHOTIC ASSHAT PLEASE

Episode 9:

Fuck fuck fuck I’m terrified for this episode

MERRY CHRISTMAS 🎄

oh shit Ali...

Trouble is in the air....

Miguel and Sam 🙄😀

Oh so Robby is back in his sn 1 wardrobe... 🤬

OH I SWEAR FOR FUCKS SAKE IF TORY AND ROBBY GET TOGETHER I WILL STOP WATCHING THIS SHOW FOR GOOD ISTG

PERIODT ROBBY DENY THE BEER A WISE DECISION

Not you making bad decisions again Robby smh we’re trying to keep you out of jail

I repeat... if Robby and Tory get together I am RIOTING

Fuck Johnny

Episode 10 - final episode:

I am the quintessential example of seething anger. If I was an anime character, I’d have steam coming out of my ears and a tic mark on my forehead smh

BAHAHAH DANIEL’S GLACES TO JOHNNY ARE SENDING ME

Tory has got some anger issues that surpass even my own, and that’s saying something

Also why tf are they fighting in Sam’s house??? Like I don’t like her but thats not only trespassing passing on private property, but the damages they’re causing are gonna cost a buttload

I’m just glad that Robby isn’t there to fight. Thank you bby

I LOVE THE MUSIC IN THE FIGHT SCENE WE LOVE SOME ROCK CHRISTMAS INSTRUMENTALS

I love the fact that Eli is realizing how fucking stupid he’s been acting

NO ROBBY DONT FIGHT JOHNNY YOU DONT KNOW THE FULL PICTURE BABY STOP BEING FUCKING DUMB

NO JOHNNY THREW ROBBY INTO THE LOCKERS FUCK IS HE OKAY IS BABY OKAY

DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT KREESE DONT PICK IT UP YOU GERIATRIC ASSWIPE

NO ROBBY IS FULLY UNCONSCIOUS FUCK IF I WAS THERE I WOULD BE ABLE TO HELP BC IM FIRST AID TRAINED AND CPR CERTIFIED CALL 911 JOHNNY

YAY DANIEL TO THE RESCUE

I’m still crying over Robby fuck

Everybody over here hashing shit out and Robby is inside the dojo like X👄X

NVM HES OKAY HES WALKING IT OFF

NO GO BACK TO FUCKING SLEEP BITCH BC YOURE STILL NOT THINKING STRAIGHT WHY ARE YOU STILL WITH KREESE GOD FUCKING DAMN IT

Anyways all in all, fuck season 3 gn

[argumentl]

The Freedom of Expression Ep 8 - About Sawajiri Erika's early comeback. (*Treatment of drug addicts*)

K: Hi, This is Dir en grey's Kaoru. Joe san, Tasai san, once again.

J, T: Please. Thank you very much.

Kami: Me too.

J: Oh, kami too, right?

K: Unlike on the radio show, he's always around now, isnt he? There were times when he wasn't around before.

J: I think he descended to us about once a month on the radio show.

T: *laughs*

K: In that show, he just flitted in sometimes, and that was it.

J: Yes, yes, yes.

K: Now he's everywhere.

J: He's a regular commentator now.

K: *laughs*

T: This time we have some news from Tokyo Sports.

J: Ah! From the celebrity world

T: Lets start.... Do you know the Japanese comedy duo 'Nihon Elekitel Rengo', famous for the 'Dameyo, damedame' sketch?

J: I didn't, but I learned about them from Tokyo Sports.

T: What about you, Kaoru?

K: I know them.

T: They are a female duo, but one of them, Nakano san, got married to an older man working at the same agency, but it was a marriage with zero prior social interaction.

J: What does that mean? They got married on the same day they met?

T: Well, she was approched by the man, Matsuo Atom san, but she continuously turned him down. Then she suddenly decided last year to marry him. So, its kinda being debated online whether it is or it isn't *1. I really want to ask them.

J: Ahh, surely it is.

K: You can't say it isn't.

J: You can't.. But if you think its isn't...what isn't?!

T: People who think that it isn't, say that because they've never dated, they don't know each other well, and they might divorce quickly.

K: Oh, thats about afterwards.

T: Some concern was raised about that.

J: But I dated my wife for twenty years before marriage, and ended up getting divorced after two years. So just because you've been together for a while, it doesn't mean you won't get divorced.

T: Ahh, I see.

J: This type of thing can't be helped.

K: But thats normal, dating for a long time, getting married, and then ending up separating. It happens to a lot of people, right?

J: Yes.

T: But this Nakano san says, they've never held hands, they don't know each other's address, they don't live together..

J: But they got married?

T: Yes

K: The possibility of them separating seems high, but...

J: Right?

T: Yeah

K:..but, they can do what they want.

J: Yes, i think so. It sounds weird, but this also works as publicity.

T: Yeah

J: Almost like a risky stunt. Personally, I think its possible. But if one of them had the idea, and the other agreed to it, isnt it something to be thankful for?

T: Yeah, but apparently thier boss was really worried about it, he said they should have told him first. He booked a hotel suit room and shoved the two of them in there, but apparently nothing ended up happening.

J: Nothing happened?! People hearing this will want to know if they love each other.

Kami: I want to meet thier boss.

J: Oh, that? *laughs* A suite room is expensive right?

Kami: Yeh, I want to stay in a suite room.

*everyone laughs*

K: What would you do if you did stay in one?

Kami: If I did? Hmm, use the internet.

*laughing*

J: You can do that anyway! What about something more extravagant?

K: Like ordering room service or something.

Kami: I would order room service.

K: What would you order?

J: What would you eat, Kami?

Kami: Ramen

*laughing*

J: I don't think there are many people who would order ramen in a suite room.

K: It might actually be good though. Eating that kind of common food in that kind of place.

J: Eating something...

K: and just looking at the internet.

J: Just looking at the internet *laughs*

K: Its luxurious, right?

J: Exactly. Isn't it wasting the suite though?

T: Okay, lets look at another story. Its this story, it caused quite a stir. Sawajiri Erika...she was found to be in possession of drugs and had her first court appearance at the end of January. The entertainment world is in uproar concerning her early comeback, should she, shouldn't she?

Kami: She should.

J: I think so too.

T: Why? I'll ask you first, Joe.

J: Well, this is her first crime, so she probably won't get a prison sentence. I think it will be a suspended sentence. So, the idea behind a suspended sentence is to give you preparation time to get back to your normal life. Its important get back to your original life as much as possible.

T: I see

J: So, with a suspended sentence she will lose all of her tv sponsers and stuff, but its important for her to gain a platform back, for example, online or such. Now, if we talk about the situation in America, drug addicts are seen as ill people, not criminals, so they embark on a process of revovery, in order to quickly return to regular life. There's a feeling of, 'you're ill, so lets get you better'. Its felt that the worst thing to do, is to be alone with it. Leaving people in these situations is seen as bad. Getting people re-immersed in the community, and returned to normality as much as possible through social interaction, is how America deals with this. As to why America does this, its mainly cost, it costs money to treat people. They want to get people back out into the world quickly. Unlike the idea of severe punishments in Japan, America generally thinks in that way. My own view is very similar to that... We'll have to wait for the verdict. If she gets prison, theres nothing to be done, but if she gets a suspended sentence, she should try to return to her normal life as much as possible. On the other hand, once you've used drugs, you must be able to continue in a clean state, so you must also have the support around you to be able to stay clean.

T: I see, I see.

J: I think thats important.

T: Kami, what are your thoughts?

Kami: The same as Joe. There were no victims.

J: Yes, thats right. No one else was hurt by this.

T: An opposing opinion might be that, as a tv star, she might have a bad influence on young people. What would you say to that?

J: In that case,..well, i don't watch tv much, so I don't really know, but there are loads of scenes of people injecting stuff on talk shows or such, aren't there? Thats got to be more of a bad influence. I think people need to consider that more. Just because she appears on tv, it doesn't mean people are gonna start doing drugs.

K: Yeh, she isn't gonna do drugs on screen.

J: Yeah, rather, those scenes of syringes and stuff..

K: Yeh, the stuff on talk shows is more of a bad influence.

J: I think so.

T: So, in connection with this, what do you think about stopping the screening of movies etc which the person has starred in, which tends to happen at lot in the entertainment world..Joe san?

J: I can only describe it as nonsense. In the music world, it would be the withdrawal of records..., there is no meaning to it. Its totally separate from what they are expressing. As for music, no one ever talks about The Beatles' or The Rolling Stones' drug use. Thats a totally different issue...In relation to drugs, I think eradicating them is important, so for example, we could have a portion of that artist's sales being donated to organisations like DARC  (Drug Addiction Rehabilitation Center) in Japan, for example, which would be a good way to use them. I can't see any merit in just withdrawing thier works. If an artist returns to thier life, but is unable to be musically active, well, Tashio san is a good example of this *2, the places they can exist disappear gradually, and they become isolated. This is really sad. There's a possibility that leaving people in that isolated state can have a further negative influence, so there is no point in limiting the places people can work, or withdrawing thier works. I think Japan's management of this issue is problematic. In America, they don't arrest people for using drugs, they arrest the buyers and such, and thats what makes the news. But in Japan, you can see who's using drugs just by checking your phone. In particluar, famous people who use drugs are made into targets, to scare people, and to show how much your life will be ruined if you use drugs. It seems like its a kind of boosting of the zero tolerance policy which the Ministry of Health and Welfare introduced in the 1990s. It seems like that to me anyway.

Kami: Couldn't they make some kind of isolated place available, where its ok to do drugs?

T: Thats new.

J: Another novel idea from Kami.

K: Well, but yeah.

Kami: Because people who like drugs, will just like them.

J: I think so.

Kami: Yeh, so if you do that...because there are people who feel happier after taking medicine right?

J, T: Yeh.

Kami: Couldn't those type of people go to some place and be allowed to do it?

K: Without any crime occurring, right?

J: Right

T: Yeh, thats it.

Kami: No crime.

J: Well, i don't know if this is the appropriate way to express this, but in the case of drug dependence, its clear that the number one drug which causes mental and physical dependence is alcohol, rather than 'drugs'. You won't get arrested for alchol dependence, and the reason for that is because alcohol is legal. But incidents or fatal accidents cause by alcohol are ceaseless. There are a few incidents annually where someone murders after using drugs but, for example, as for people at the station falling onto to train lines, sixty percent of those are drunk, and many more people are killed by drunk drivers than drug addicts.

K: Well, its because there are many more people who drink alcohol.

J: Yes, the proportion is bigger. So if you consider these incidents in this way, they are certainly happening. In relation to drugs, there isn't really any logical explanation for them being illegal, but they are still strictly controled. Its a bit strange, but in America...well, it might be strange to always talk only about America, but the ban on cannabis, or medical cannabis has been lifted in America. In Japan, we have a situation where we can't even discuss such a thing, so I feel like it may be a bit of Galapagos syndrome....What do you think, Tasai san, about (Sawajiri's return)?

T: Well, she won't be able to eat, if she can't do tv work. From the viewers perspective, as long as its done appropriately..

K: Don't you need sponsers for tv though? So its not something she can really decide herself. But..on the stage or theater, if there are people who want to see her, I don't think it should be a problem.

T: Yeah

K: If there are people who say they don't want to see her on the airwaves, well, they are going to say that.

J: What do you think about her comeback, Kaoru?

K: Its completey fine to do it. Well, I mean she was doing a bad thing, but she has to carry on living. She could also find a different job, thats fine too.  As for returning to the entertainment world, well, i dont really know, but she should return to some kind of work as soon as she can.

J: Yes, thats it...It might be difficult in the entertainment world.

T: Right..Especially with sponsers.

Kami: Isn't that ok though?

K: Yeah, they'll use who they want.

Kami: Its only whether the sponser will use her or not, right? On tv?

J: On tv, yes.

Kami: If they have a reason to use her, they will.

J: But as Kaoru said, she might have more freedom on the stage or something. There must be something that only she can do, so it seems at waste to just kill off her talent.

Kami: If she herself decides to lay low for a while and self reflect on what she did, thats ok too. No one needs to tell her to. Now, i mention it, its the same with alcohol. If you drink too much and end up being late, you can self reflect and show remorse. If it was me i would deduct it from thier salary though.

J: *laughs* How fresh.

Kami: Its just a problem of whether or not they self reflect on it.

T: I see

K: Well, it depends on the circumstances of the person.

Kami: Yeh, in the end. Of course, drugs, but alcohol and cigarettes etc are all bad too, right? I really want to emphasise that. But at the same time, there are people who like them, who will use them anyway. As a result they will be punished by the law, and that will be enough. I think that should be a salary deduction, and then be finished with it. But your boss or someone might be mad at you *3

T: I see

J: Its like, I've had a deduction, so forget about it already.

T: So, that was Tokyo Sports' news.

J: Ahh, Oh! I wanted to ask you, who is it? Celebrity 'X', who is about to be arrested?

K: *laughs*

T: We'll put the news out to the whole world, so..

J: You'll find this if you search for Tokyo sports news, 'X'.

T: Oh, i can't tell you.

J: You can't? Damn

K: Kami might know.

J: He might.

K: But he's only a god for us three.

J:Yeh

K: Maybe he doesn't know.

J: He's not a worldly god.

Kami: I know who it is.

J: Oh, you know?

Kami: I know.

J: Kami, who is it?

T: Joe, don't ask that!

J, K: *laugh*

T: It'll be announced to the world...my account will be banned.

K: We need people to subscribe, right.

J: Yes yes yes yes.

K: Thank you very much, see you next time. Thank you.

J, T: Thank you

*1 It is or it isn't/they are or they aren't, or that type of thing.

*2 No idea who this is.

*3 Not 100% about what he means here.

[elliethesuperfruitlover]

tw/venting

ayo the thought of having to go back to school in a little over a month is fucking wild. like.....i feel like i just got out of school and binge watched invincible for the first time. IT FEELS LIKE YESTERDAY. it’s extremely scary thinking about how fast time is passing by because i keep doing the same thing everyday. there’s barely any change in anything. not allowed outside. my IRL friends arent vaxxed yet, and even if they were, my mom’s suspicious of my intentions when going out. and lets not get into the fact that school doesnt stress me out as much, but i’ll be damned if i dont have awful test anxiety still. i feel like everything is fucking passing me by and that sucks ASS. my classmates are going out to beaches and shit, and posting on insta (good for them, i probably need to touch some grass) but like?? i feel like im just being robbed of my life. and teen years and all that. 

i know the pandemic has been hard for LITERALLY everyone. (if you said 2020 was a good year, hush, you’re alone in that regard bestie, dont wanna hear it) but i just......im finally recognizing feelings and all that (shit’s scary man) my thoughts dont match my body whatsoever (not dysphoria, its derealization, or something similar). thats so scary to me. sometimes i catch myself in the mirror and im talking and im like...”thats not me.....oh fuck, it is me.” so i dont look in the mirror and talk aloud, is what im saying. i’ll have a breakdown. but im extremely extroverted. i love people, and seeing people and hugging people. and not feeling like every day that i spend inside of my fucking house is a waste of time because time travel doesnt exist and i cant get any of these days back. at all. it is a never ending cycle. i just want a hug, dude. i’ve never experienced cuddling before either. i would love to platonically cuddle someone. but i got rid of toxic friends (still not over it) and got very radicalized...but for what. my own knowledge and betterment.....but eh. plus i traumadump, nobody wants to hear my sob story, i need to hush. and get in contact with my therapist. and discuss my anxiety issues. and possible depression. and PTSD and so many other things because it’s really not cute. anyways.

also heyy, my body issues are back. like?? hello. not that they ever went away, they just steep for a bit, then start boiling back. and that’s torture for me. having a generally okay body is fine, but then i realize that when i do wear pants, they’re either my overalls (comfort and queerness) or jeans. and yay those are tighter than they were last time. and i know weight fluctuation is a thing that happens, but i really feel like i could do more to not feel as bad. (i mean, sure, i could, but exercising makes me feel horrible mentally so). i see classmates thin and everything (i know thin isnt always healthy, but a part of me wishes that i was bone thin, we wont talk about it) and i know “every body is a bikini body” and i support that initiative 1,000 percent, but A. i have no idea if my parents would even let me get one if i wanted one (i dont) and B. i dont have the confidence to wear something like that. i even hate the fucking swimsuit that i have. i want the fucking full length victorian swimsuits with a shirt and fucking shorts because i cant stand being exposed. my stomach pokes out too much. my arms arent muscly like they were some years back. i just feel....so weird. and the “oh she’s smart, she cant be hot.” one or the other type shit that my brain keeps trying to tell me is real ia NASTY. like heyyy i have a brain, and i use it most days, but my body also shouldnt be fuckshitted like this. this collection of skin and bones keeps me safe (but not from my brain, its on some different shit)

another thing is that i can not wear exposing things. ugh, i would feel so just....out in the open. im literally scared of someone coming behind me and fucking groping me, or slapping my ass. (valid fear) but i literally fucking HATE feeling like that. one, I AM UNDERAGED, and two, ITS NASTY EITHER WAY. and if i went to school, and wore something mildly form fitting, i’d be pushing my body forward to look less noticeable (i dont trust seniors), or pulling my jacket down (i always wear jackets in school) so people arent looking at me. that sucks. and i wish i didnt make my anxiety that bad as to where it just sucks to exist. with a human flesh prison that looks a certain way. i kinda just want to hide my body. permanently. (not dysphoria related, my tits are fine, if they stay, cool, if they don’t, cool) but like...ugh.

and this is where it gets EXTREMELY dark, trigger warning for suicide mention.

yeah last year on the first week of school (virtual) i really wanted to kill myself. which like..isnt okay. i havent really told anyone about that either. because it was an extremely low point for me. i just didn’t think that i could fucking make it through the entire year. all those assignments, and all those days, wasted. im not learning anything valuable (besides maybe science and finance)...i dont know what the fuck i want to do with my life. there’s no such thing as ethical consumption so i’m gonna be contributing to something fucked up, no matter what i do. im weird. and political. and opinionated. and into so many different things. which, y’know, should be cool and fun and fresh. but it terrifies me to know that other people arent like me. that they many never understand my interests. and i feel like this with EVERYONE in EVERY class. unless i see a similar interest. or a tiny flag. but the thought of introducing myself again and again. to more people. who i may never fucking see again. who probably dont care about me. kinda discourages you a bit. so yeah, i really wanted to off myself. it seemed so impossible to get through everything. and then heyyy, near the end of the year, something really shitty happened. was depressed. told my mom i may be autistic... “okay...well....getting diagnoses takes a lot of money. so unless you have 700 bucks laying around....then no.” (who says the person who may ALSO be autistic along with me) few weeks back, talking about my therapist who wanted to talk through the DSM-4 with me “you really think you’re autistic huh.” of course mom. why else would i have written a paper about it, followed actually autistic accounts, and done research on it.

then near the next year, i sucked even more ass. friend shit broke me down and i felt....like i fucked up. which i did. and like i cant keep people in my life. (which is partially true) and i felt more physically exhausted than i had in literal years. i feel very deeply, and especially with negative emotions. so that really fucked me up. (may be something more serious, i have no idea) so there’s that. i just....i’ve never felt like i had been so awful in some time. like i let everyone around me down. so no more of /those/ situations. i dont sleep correctly when my hair is wet, so you can imagine how my dreams were THAT night.

but yeah, i dont feel like wanting to kill myself again. because i know it’s not worth it. but something just keeps pulling me deeper into these disgusting pits of awfulness. like there’s no other way out. (wrong) and gritting my teeth and willing myself to do things is going to hurt, but it’s quite literally the only choice i have. i cant give up. so there’s that. my thoughts and everything. yeah.....it’s 5:10 in the morning, im going the fuck to sleep.

[imaginesbyem]

Prom Queen - Stiles Stilinski

Summary: (Y/N) struggles with feeling invisible when compared to her best friend. 

Loosely based off of the song Prom Queen by Caitlin Turner. 

“Can you hold this for a sec?” Allison asks me as she passes me her bag, not waiting for a response. I hold onto it while she slides her jacket on, even though the weather was way too hot to be wearing leather.

“Super cute Al!” I hear a voice shout out, only for my gaze to meet Lydia Martin’s. Well, the side of her face at least. “Totally ties in the boots. Scott will go crazy for it!” She laughs. I stand there awkwardly, still holding onto Allison’s bag. I feel like some weird doorman who spies in on his client’s personal lives. “Oh! Also, I haven’t heard back from you about this Friday!” 

“Sorry Lydia! I’ve been flat out studying.”

“What’s this Friday?” I ask, trying to join into the conversation. Lydia looks at me as if I’m pulling her leg.

“Lydia’s Annual Halloween Party!”

“I thought we were watching reruns of the It Tele Series?” I asked, genuinely confused. 

“Oh, I completely forgot! Sorry Lyds.”

“Why don’t you just come along too, (Y/N)?” Lydia asks nonchalant but is met with laughter from both the girls. “What?”

“Parties just aren’t really my scene.” I giggle. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” She jokes resulting in a frown finding it’s way to my face. “But, if you change you’re mind, the invitation is still extended. I just had a plan ready to finally get Scott and Allison together!” She smiles. I’m instantly hit with a pang of guilt. “See you in 4th.” She nods to Allison and leaves.

“You should go.” I spit out quickly before I change my mind. 

“What? No. We have plans.” 

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be the reason you and Scott don’t get together.” 

“(Y/N), if Scott and I are meant to be together then it’ll work out. I’m sure there will be another ‘Annual Lydia Martin Party’ soon enough, anyway.” she chuckles

“I know but I feel like I’m holding you back.”

“Don’t be silly. You know I only chose to move to this school so we could hang out more!” I’m stumped. I don’t know how to respond and Allison knows it’s going to eat me up inside. “Come with me.” 

“What?”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! We can just drink and talk shit all night!” 

“I don’t know...”

“Think about it. Please?” I just sigh and finally hand back her bag which I realised I had been anxiously clutching onto. 

--------------------

“I can’t believe you roped me into this.” I say as I try on yet another outfit of Allison’s. The party was costume, so naturally I brought a hockey mask and a flannel and called it a day. But, apparently that wasn’t what the girls would be wearing. Allison tried to explain that Lydia’s parties are different to our ones. When it’s Halloween, its really how slutty can you dress. When its Christmas, again, how slutty can you dress. Basically every party is a frat boys dream in disguise. 

“That looks awesome!” I stare down at the sexy Poison Ivy costume she had ordered online. 

“I look like I’m trying to get arrested for drug possession.” Allison groans. “Forget it. I shouldn’t even be going.” 

“No, no, no! I’m sorry! I just want you to grab the attention of a special someone tonight!”

“Who?”

“Oh, come on. You basically drool every time Stilinski walks in the same room as you.” 

“You make me sound like I have severe mental issues.”

“Well....” She jokes and I grab a pillow, throwing it at her. We laugh as we continue throwing things at one another. “And you thought dressing up was the only frat boy dream we’d be acting out tonight.” She laughed as we realised how cliche a pillow fight was.

“Okay. I think I’m gonna wear the vampire costume then. It’s the only one with a portable blanket I can wrap around myself.” I laugh as I pick up the cloak. 

“Fair enough. I’ll go for the witch then!” Allison says as she grabs the mini dress.

“That’ll definitely put Scott under some kind of spell.” I laugh.

“That’s the plan.” She winks.

-------------

“Allison! You came!” Lydia squeals as we walk through the door to the backyard. Eyes turn towards us and I feel my cheeks heating up and Lydia hugs Allison, and goes into some conversation about boys. I stand there, not knowing how to contribute whatsoever to the conversation, but  from the looks of it, no one really notices me awkwardly standing around, waiting. So a bit of a plus side I guess. 

“(Y/N/N), I’ll be back in a sec. Lydia’s gonna introduce me to one of her guy friends. I’m guessing to try to make Scott jealous.” She giggles. “I’ll meet you by the drinks table in 20.” She calls out as Lydia drags her away. Great.

I look around and realise the people here are all complete strangers. Yeah, I may have spoken to a couple of them once or twice, but never for more than a few minutes at a time, and never about anything other than school or homework. I sigh and help myself to the drinks table, skulling a drink and then pouring another. 

“Woah. Tough night for you too?” I hear a voice behind me chuckle. 

“You wouldn’t believe.” I muttered only to turn around and be met with the brown eyes belonging to Stiles. Somehow, he’s the only guy that doesn’t look straight through me. I feel like when he talks to me, he is actually listening and intrigued in what I have to say. “Stiles!” I say in surprise.

“(Y/N)!” He repeats, imitating my shock. “What’s up?” He says, motioning to the drink.

“Trying to forget I exist.” I laugh but a slight frown settles on his face. 

“And why’s that?”

“Just wanna be like everyone else I suppose.” I try to joke. The words flew out of my mouth before I had the chance to catch them in my throat.

“Don’t I know how that feels.” Stiles says as he stares off, drinking from a freshly poured cup. 

“You’re kidding. Stiles, you’re impossible not to notice!” I laugh.

“Not so sure about that. Don’t forget, it wasn’t until Scott became the ‘True Alpha’ that people even started looking somewhat in my direction. I followed Lydia like a lost puppy. She probably doesn’t even remember me doing it.”

“Don’t be stupid Stiles. I loved listening to the snarky comments you made back in class.” Stiles smiles softly at me before being bumped into by some strange guy running past. I feel my white shirt get doused with the red liquid.

“Shit, I’m so sorry!” Stiles says, reaching to wipe the drink off of my shirt.

“Stiles!” I shout and he quickly realises what he’s doing. 

“Fuck. Sorry, (Y/N).”

“It’s okay! Now it just looks like I’ve been feasting on blood” I say, motioning to my vampire outfit. Stiles laughs slightly, shaking his head.

“It looks like you’re going to freeze. Here, come with me.” Stiles says as he grabs my hand. I feel my heart flutter slightly as he protectively leads me towards the stairs, pushing through the crowd that pays us no attention. 

Stiles pushes open a door which leads to Lydia’s bedroom. “Sit down, I’ll grab a wet towel.” As Stiles runs off, I look around her room. Photos featuring Lydia and her many friends litter the room. But my eyes stop on one. Lydia’s arms are thrown around Stiles as she smiles widely. 

“What ya looking at?” I jump, hearing Stiles so close behind me that I could almost feel his breath on my neck.

“Jesus! Scared the hell out of me!” I say, holding my hand to my chest. “Just admiring all of Lydia’s photos.”

“Yeah, she has a lot of friends.” Stiles says matter-of-factly. “Here’s your towel.” He says as he holds up a damp cloth, obviously wanting to avoid what happened only a few moments ago. 

“Cheers.” I sit down on the bed and begin trying to wipe down the mark. Stiles sits next to me and watches on, not knowing what to say. “You know whats funny? I’m sitting here, trying to get punch out of my shirt, and it’s still more fun than what I was expecting.”

“What do you mean?” Stiles chuckles at my hopelessness. 

“I mean, every time I’ve ever gone to one of these stupid parties I just stand around waiting for my friend to be ready to leave.”

“If I knew thats how you felt I would have kept you company.”

“Nah, it’s okay. You were probably too busy running after Lydia anyway.” I giggled.

“Don’t remind me.” He sighs. 

“Don’t worry Stiles. It’s every guys dream to be with the hot popular girl. You’re not breaking any barriers.” I roll my eyes, teasing him.

“It wasn’t even that though. I guess it just felt like that’s what I should want. I always struggled with feeling invisible so I thought that the perfect solution would be to have the girl that everyone loves, love me. I don’t know, it sounds kinda stupid when I say it out loud. Must be all the punch” Stiles forced out a chuckle.

“It’s not stupid!” I place my hand on his leg, comforting him. He smiles softly up at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “I didn’t realise you felt that way.”

“Yeah, well I’ve kind of gotten used to being in the background I suppose.”

“Trust me I know how you feel.”

“What?” Stiles turns his head towards me in confusion.

“It’s not that surprising. The only time people look at me is when Allison introduces me to them.” I laugh.

“That’s not true. I watch you all the time!.. Wait- that sounded creepy.” He laughs.

“Not wrong there.” I chuckle.

“I just meant, you’re so interesting to watch. You’re always pulling that weird face when you get confused in class, and your reactions when Scott and Allison attempt to flirt is priceless.”

“What can I say, it’s horrific. Like, just ask her out to dinner if you want to date. Stop circling around it.” I laugh, thinking back to every class with Scott trying to get Allison’s attention.

“That easy, huh?” The right side of Stiles’ face widens into a smile.

“Well I mean, I think sometimes you just have to make the leap and not be worried about falling.” I say, looking straight into Stiles’ eyes. 

“That’s a really interesting opinion. I’d love to hear you discuss it more. Maybe over dinner?” 

“I-. I’d love to.” I giggle at his poor attempt to ask me out.

“Wow. I guess it really was that easy.” Stiles half-mutters to himself.

“Hold your horses, Stilinski. You could always ruin it by trying to share my desert or something.” I giggle.

“Well, I guess we’ll see if it looks worthwhile wasting a couple years of mustering up the courage to ask you out. Probably not. Unless it’s passionfruit. Then you’re a goner.” He jokes with a slight smile on his face, struggling to maintain his seriousness. 

“Ha. Ha.” I smile, looking deeply into his eyes as I feel his thumb brush over my hand. “We should probably head back downstairs. Allison will be wondering where I am.”

“Let her wonder.” He smiles, convincing me to linger in this moment of bliss a minute more.

(A/N: I haven’t proof read, so sorry if there’s a couple of mistakes. I’ve been putting off posting for a bit so I know I just need to stop second guessing or it’ll never make it’s way out of my drafts :P ).

[mnogorgannik]

2 10 n 11 :)

this is basically an essay im so sorry. watch how hard i can infodump (ill put this under a cut hopefully it works bc sometimes tumblr decimates the keep reading things if theyre in asks)

2. Who’s your favorite of the Bound? What do you think of the different ideologies they have? Which of the factions are you most aligned with?

WE ALREADY KNOW THE ANSWER I AM A PETER LOVER THROUGH AND THROUGH!!!!!! oh baby i love that morally questionable architect. pretty early on in getting into pathologic (it’s coming up on a year now...) i thought about peter stamatin too hard and now i’m here. but really i find him to be such a fascinating character!

the thing about pathologic that i love is how almost every character can be as complex as you want. pathologic does an excellent job of implying a lot of character traits while only exploring some in further detail, which in some games is frustrating but patho does it so well! it consistently hints at traits and lets you fill in the details yourself. peter’s character is extremely interesting to me... and maybe a little more relatable at times than i want to admit lol.

i think i’ll talk about both stamatins though! their dynamic hurts me a lot. i’ll start with andrey bc i’ve been thinking about him lately. although i’ll bounce back and forth between both stamatins.

i’ve said this before but i’ll say it again.... andrey’s role as a protector who inadvertently hurts the people he cares about really gets to me. he is not a shield but, in his own words, a battering ram. and the problem is that battering ram has a recoil.

i have to wonder how that mentality of his came about, anyways. the implication is that it’s always just been him and peter, so did he take on that role because there wasn’t anyone else to do it?

in his efforts to protect peter from... military, i believe, he kills four people. which leads to daniil getting mistaken for andrey, which leads to daniil getting shot. and almost dying. he protects peter but to a smothering extent, peter even says he’s been suffering for ten years bc of andrey which is a LOADED line. he protects on a physical level but he kinda fucks up on the emotional.

there’s a horrible irony in peter and eva being the people he cares about the most and both attempting suicide. with eva once she’s missing he immediately goes running off trying to look for her, and . ahh i can’t remember right off hand what exactly he thought happened. but ik he was probably expecting a fight. with peter he says that after that he’ll never let peter leave his side, at least “as far as his knife can fly”... it sounds cheesy but the one thing he can’t save anyone from is themself.

and god the way andrey bases his ENTIRE sense of self worth on peter fucking hurts. they’re not peter and andrey, the architects. they’re Peter And Andrey, The Architect. (thinking about “one architect, two brothers” here.) andrey thinks he’s larger than life and all but he’s constantly living in peter’s shadow. their theatre of death positions come to mind here, with peter standing up, looking down at andrey. but andrey is on his knees in front of peter, arms limp to his sides.... separated by a wooden beam...

peter’s side of this dynamic is fascinating too. his dependency on andrey is. ow. leaving all practical matters and decision making to him... there’s this resentment (That’s Fine I’ve Been Suffering For Ten Years Because Of Him) and lack of communication that especially shows through for him.

while in p2 andrey completely crumbles if peter dies, peter doesn’t seem to care...... at all....?? which hopefully is elaborated upon in p2. he’s willing to talk to aspity about worrying if andrey is angry with him but he can’t bring it up with andrey himself. when he asks how andrey is doing he stops and says andrey is a “tough man” and can handle anything. in general, while it’s definitely there for andrey, themes of dependency are really glaringly obvious for peter.

one of my favorite peter things i’ve talked about before is still his ego!!! peter has a gigantic ego!!! he really does think that even though he’s hit the ceiling and can’t go any further he is still “a true architect” and “the rock upon which is built the stairway to tomorrow”. he has a blunt edge to him and he doesn’t ever tell you more than he thinks he needs to which i love. if he doesn’t want to tell you something he isn’t gonna do it. this is a character trait i think ppl miss which is sad because it’s so good and adds another layer of depth to him!

it really does hurt me how he’s valued for his mind alone (AHEM AHEM AHEM. GEORGIY) but it’s the thing nobody understands about him. i’m nowhere near as smart as peter lol but i do know that pain of feeling like none of your ideas can be understood because you just can’t express them the way you’d like, and then feeling like you’ll never be able to make it happen.

also, here’s a little thing  i’ve picked up on. this connection probably doesn’t exist but i’m making it because the stamatins make me lose my mind and start becoming one of those people who looks for connections in everything i guess. peter standing in the theatre of death, andrey below him. peter’s loft being at a high point in the town, the broken heart being underground. peter’s loft is also higher north on the map but the broken heart is lower south. just smth interesting

i have more thoughts on them of course! but this is all getting awfully long. i feel like i’ve only just gotten to the tip of the iceberg  even though i’ve written so much skfjskfjs this just feels quite surface level or. at least what is surface level for me who thinks about the stamatins so hard.

anyways i’ll keep my answers to the other two parts of this question quick! peter and andrey’s more creative vs practical mindsets are rly neat. especially because i would actually argue peter is a little more grounded in reality in certain aspects. not all, but certain ones...... their take on the utopian ideology is interesting. hot take: peter’s version of utopianism leans a tad towards humility. and andrey /does/ feel “straightforward utopian” but i think in certain regards? this man has a bit of a termite streak..... (hi al if you’re reading this). but i won’t get into that right now i’ve already gone on so long. saving that for later.

i think all of the factions kinda suck in their own way sometimes, honestly? although all of them are well written and have their pros and cons. were i in pathologic and i had to choose one i’d probably be a termite but everyone around me seems to think i’m a utopian. is it bc i love peter so much

10. What would you be like as a Pathologic character?

this question is a hard one! i did make a self insert once, mile-a-minute, but they’ve become their own oc by now. i think i’d be very...... very afraid...... probably isolating myself why does every pathologic character break quarantine???? also you could trade beetles with me :) thats about all i’ve got sorry this is real short

11. What is something you would change, writing-wise, about either game?

UGH i’ve been gushing about pathologic because. obviously i love this game so much. but the way it handles racism & such (in both games!) leaves much to be desired :/

i see a lot of the points it’s trying to make but i think the way they’re handled can be very messy. there are moments that work very well but. a lot that don’t. (i am aware that dybowski writes partially from his own experiences)

all too often the game “validates” the kin’s oppression and... at times paints them as oddly antagonistic? i don’t like how often as artemy you’re able to be like “i’m not one of those beasts” and i think there are better ways to touch on his internalized racism. in general the constant comparisons to animals is weird. you get big vlad who is obviously explicitly racist comparing them to animals, but then sometimes it’s like “ACTUALLY calling them animals is fine :)”

i think the herb brides are kind of. Hm. in their portrayal. also using parts of the buryat alphabet to denote an accent is weird. making odongh and herb brides inhuman is weird. connecting the kin to Magic is weird.

and, listen, i’d really like to not be playing Artemy Burakh Experiences a Microaggression Simulator every time i’m playing the haruspex route. hate that you either can’t call ppl out on their shit or if you can it ends the conversation/bars you from getting necessary information. glad you at least get to drag the vlads, i guess?

i also was talking about this but wrt peter specifically, and this issue is present throughout the game but it’s especially visible with peter, i don’t like how often you can mock him for his addiction.

he’s obviously in an extremely rough patch! being able to be just so plain cruel to him about the dependency on alcohol (and iirc in p1 hallucinogens, bc aglaya mentions it) he’s formed to cope with his mental illness & trauma just feels bad. especially because yes it is not a healthy coping mechanism at all but... it still is a coping mechanism, if that makes sense?

the way you’re able to constantly rub it in his face feels awful. peter is fully aware that it isn’t good for him and shows a desire to quit. even if he didn’t it would still be awful to say because. it’s just insensitive. like you don’t just go up to someone and keep being like HEY YOU DRINK A LOT YOU SHOULD STOP DOING THAT DO YOU KNOW WHAT WATER IS? feels really bad to keep harping on something that causes him pain and that he struggles with every single day.

however peter does have moments where he tells you Not to say that, or if you pry into why he drinks he’ll outright say he doesn’t remember you being his friend, which is better than nothing.

in p1 moreso than p2 i hate how you can be like oh he’s craaaazy he’s off his rocker he’s delusional!!!! that “why, i never... an architect of schizophrenia!” comment sticks in my mind because it’s just... so genuinely mean. especially because if i remember correctly that line is from when he’s planning on LITERALLY FUCKING BURNING HIMSELF ALIVE

i think if they were going to have all of this they should have gone more in depth on how it’s really. not good that he’s treated so poorly. and i do believe that’s what they were going for, a la the art book w/ the whole “not to be made into a drunken clown, this is a tragic character”, etc. but it just doesn’t land. i’m holding out for the bachelor and changeling routes in p2 to see if they expand upon any of it but i highly doubt i’ll be satisfied in this regard.

i stand by the One time it was really fucking funny to clown on peter being the time you can tell him little girls eat raspberries and earthworms and he just believes you

[gale-gentlepenguin]

ML fic: A Kiss to Remember: Part 8

Link to other parts here

_______________________________________________________________________

Adrien felt nervous as he waited outside of school. The day had practically flown by after he asked Marinette to get ice cream with him. He was so sure of the idea this morning. He was going to get closer to Marinette and help her find love. It seemed so simple, but now Plagg put it into his mind how this could be taken in a different way. Should he tell her that this was simply a hang out, what if she already knew that and asked why he was clarifying? Would she start to think that it was a date because of that? Or would she think he was an ego maniac that assumed every girl must be in love with him thus making Marinette see him as a huge jerk. 

There was also the possibility that she did think this was a date. And him saying it wasn't might hurt her feelings. Would she be hurt finding that out? What if she was hurt by it? 

Adrien was visualizing each situation playing out and he felt himself mentally panicking. He steadies himself and decides not to clarify it with words, the tone of the outing will express that this is a hang out. The model eases himself. He laughs at himself for over thinking this. Its just ice cream, there is no way that this could be misconstrued as a date. 

“He-hey Adrien.” A familiar voice calls out. 

Adrien turns and he felt his pulse quicken.

Marinette looked different. Not bad different, good different, really good different. It wasn't a massive change, but it was enough for Adrien to notice. She was wearing more make up. not in the over-the-top-almost-gaudy-way like Chloé always had it, it was more of a way of bringing out her natural beauty, which she already had plenty of. But the most prominent change was her hair. It was out of the pig tails. She was wearing it down. 

“Wow. Your hair is down. I have never seen that before.” Adrien commented.

“Oh, does it look weird? Rose was telling me to wear it down to see how it looked. I can tie it back up if...” Marinette replied quickly, she looked a bit flustered.

“No. It looks nice. I was just surprised. You look very lovely.” Adrien assured. He mentally slaps himself. Why would he praise her so much? He admits that is something he always does. Marinette is really awesome and praise worthy. But in his mind he is freaking out. With how Marinette looks, does she think this is a date? Sure her hair maybe down because Rose suggested it, but she is wearing more make up then earlier today.

“You thank. I mean thank you! Juleka wanted me to test some of her new make up that she thought would go well with my skin. I was afraid it might be too much.” Marinette jumbled before recovering. She mentally slapped herself, he was mentioning her hair not her face.

 “Well it looks great. Juleka is really good with make up. It really suits you.” Adrien praised. He felt a bit of relief. Juleka does have talent with make up, and Marinette would always help a friend. Not to mention Juleka is Luka’s sister. Marinette being close with Juleka would also make dating Luka easier.

Just outside of Adrien’s view, the Ladyblogger was watching the interaction. It seems the real test was about to begin.

Alya had called the girls together. Mylene, Juleka, Rose, and Alix had come to Marinette’s aid. Alya had assured Marinette that they would make this ice cream outing a success.

Rose and Juleka handled making Marinette pop even more then usual. Alix was on recon, if there were any potential threats to this date, she would inform the group. Mylene was on distraction. She would stall the threat that Alix spotted or find a way to misdirect them. Alya handled organization and watching the date from a distance. She would help the girl keep on task if needed.

“Shall we go?” Adrien asked, an inviting smile that he was unaware was making Marinette’s heart pound.

“Yes.” She nodded excitedly. The two began walking away from the school.

Alya had touched her earpiece. 

“Alright girls. Operation Sweet Treat is entering Phase two.”

_______________________________________________________________________

In his room, a young musician tuned his guitar absentmindedly. He checked the strings to make sure that the sound he wanted would come out.

“Juleka and Rose should be here by now.” He commented aloud. The group had band practice today. He was aware that Ivan was gonna be a tad late because he had to talk with his science teacher about issues with his project. But Juleka and Rose were not back yet.

He finished tuning his guitar, he sent a group chat message to the band to check what was going on.

Ivan responded.

‘Sorry Luka, gonna be a bit longer then I thought. Start without me.’ The text read followed by a skull emoji that was his text signature. 

‘No worries, what about the rest of you?’ Luka sent the text out.

20 minutes pass and no response. Usually Rose would have responded by now. His sister was usually late in her text responses so he wasn't expecting her to message right away.

Luka sighs as he reclines on his bed. 

He realizes practicing today was likely a no go. He was kind of looking forward to practice today. He had been working on a new song that he wanted the bands opinion on.

He felt a soft smile appear as he thought about who the song was for. Perhaps this was a blessing in disguise.

He looked through his contacts and found the name of the person who the new song was about.

_______________________________________________________________________

Adrien and Marinette took a seat on the park bench as they began to eat their ice-cream. The model found out they had Passionfruit and couldn't help but try it. Marinette happily got strawberry.

“Hows your ice cream?” The blond asks casually.

“Its good, Strawberry is a pretty consistent flavor. How is the Passion fruit one?” Marinette asked, somehow able to steady herself. 

Adrien takes a lick. Marinette was proud of herself. She was able to recover from her stammering and she was able to make small talk with Adrien as they walked and got their ice cream. The girls were still looking out for her, but she was happy that everything seemed to be going great.

“Its not bad, it doesn't taste as good as it does in other sweets but it is definitely worth it.” Adrien responds.

He moves the cone close to her.

“Do you want to try?” The model offers, his innocent smile making the question the even harder for the girl to respond to.

Marinette felt herself freeze, sharing food with Adrien? That would be like an indirect kiss. Was she ready for this? Was he aware of this? So many thoughts clouded her mind.

Thankfully, Alya had the ear piece on the girl and was hearing everything.

“Say okay and take a lick.” The blogger instructed.

“kay-o. Okay!” Marinette corrected. Adrien giggled sweetly at the statement. This only made the teen blush.

She took a lick and tasted the ice cream. It was pretty good. Though she hardly tasted it, she was more focused on the fact that she tasted the ice cream he was eating.

“Pretty good right?”

Marinette managed to nod and smile.

Adrien’s sweet smile changed, his hand went to the back of his neck.

“So, you are probably wondering why I wanted it to just be the two of us?” Adrien spoke.

Marinette was caught off guard by the statement. She didn't think he would actually address it so suddenly. She almost bit her tongue, but she just took a bite out of her ice cream to stop that. She wasn't sure how to respond but thankfully Adrien continued.

“We have been friends practically since I started school. You are always doing such kind things for everyone.” Adrien praised. “It always feels like you know exactly what everyone needs or wants. You put so much thought into everything you do.”

Marinette felt her face heat up as she listened to his soft words.

“It made me realize how little I actually know about you.” He confessed. “You always do so much for me and yet I hardly do anything for you.”

“Thats not true at all!” Marinette bursted out. Adrien looked up at her in surprise, he almost dropped his ice cream. “You are always encouraging me and trying to help me out whenever you can. Remember when you helped act as a translator with my uncle? Or those times you helped me avoid getting hurt in a akuma attack like when Max got akumatized. That charm bracelet gift you got me for my birthday. There was also the time you helped me out when I was sitting in the back thanks to Lila. You do a lot of things for me. I know your heart is in the right place.”

Adrien felt a faint blush from the girls sweet words. He didn't know she thought so highly of what he did. It made him happy to hear. Marinette sat back down, now bright red from that emotional outburst.

“Thank you Marinette. I am glad you think so kindly of me.” Adrien smiled his tone less gloomy. “This still made me realize how little I know about you.”

“Oh?” Marinette’s eyes on him.

Adrien was about to say something. but Marinette’s phone goes off. 

“Sorry about that.” Marinette clicks her phone. Not checking what it was.

“Did you want to check if it was important?” The model inquires.

“I am sure it can wait till later.” Marinette assured. “You were saying?”

Adrien nods and goes back to what he was gonna say.

“I want to know more about you Marinette.” Adrien answered. “I want to be someone that you can rely on. You have given me so much, and I want to give back to you.”

“You  more know me about want to? You want to know more about me?” Marinette word jumbled as her face was practically crimson.

“Yeah I would really...”

The phone buzzes again. Marinette’s flustered reaction turned to slightly annoyed.

“I am really sorry, I am just gonna check this one second.” Marinette apologized.

She turned from the Blond to check her texts. She quickly notices that it was from Luka. At any other time the designer would be thrilled to hear from him. She did not need this emotional dilemma right now. Thankfully Alya was there to keep things into perspective.

“Focus on the date girl.” Alya advised. Her voice cutting through Marinette’s thought stream to allow her to focus. “Whoever it is can wait.”

Marinette assured herself that she will read the texts later. She puts her phone on silent. and puts it back in her pocket. She mentally thanked Alya for keeping her on track.

“Who was it? Anything important? If thats alright to ask.” Adrien inquired.

“Oh it was just a friend, nothing that needs my immediate attention.” Marinette assured.

“ Oh good.” Adrien smiled in relief. He was making progress getting closer to Marinette. He would be annoyed if something got in the way of their hang out.

“I was saying that I wanted to get to know you better. If that is okay with you. I don't want to push too much.”

The Designer smiled sweetly at the kind hearted model.

“I would really like that too.”

_______________________________________________________________________

(Hope you enjoyed this installment. Please let me know what you guys think and if you want part 9 soon)

[byebyechloe]

So I’ve been contemplating writing this for awhile...

about.... let’s see, I need to do the math.

we broke up January 15th.

Then we talked until, what would you say? the third Monday of February?

Yes, February 18th. I remember that night well. It shook me to the core, that's when our break up... really began to be our break. up. 

but then let me throw this at you. this low low low LOW number.

18 days. (That’s how many days you had me blocked. I’m assuming... if not less. I accidentally came up on that realization one day. So who knows.)

I took the ballsy choice of adding you back on snap, being subtle. you added me back the same night, and thats when it all began again. 

well... kinda, took us until, when? probably like 2 Fridays later? I slid into your texts to tell you about a artist I liked and thought you’d vibe too. Ironically, you already fucked with him too. 

Then that next weekend I gave you the entire snapchat tour of the 2nd Ben Rector concert we didn't attend together, but this one we had planned too...

and then I think... the next Friday is when I took a huge risk on my mental health and dropped sam off at Julies and off I was! back to the place in the middle of the damn trees, just to spend a night with you again, that I thought would just be a random hook up, and then we’d just let it all go again. but no.

I left that bed with plans to be back the next weekend, and then plans to hangout when you moved home for the “short” time you had planned before “moving away back east”, that ended up being an entire summer, and you ended up being A LOT closer than you planned when you did finally move away again in October. But this moving away didn’t happen of course, until after another big “I'm sick of you!” argument from us both (after an ironically, perfect Saturday with you. I still think about that night. so cute and romantic in the weirdest, not romantic way.) and then we talked on and off for another time. this was a little longer than 18 days, but wasn’t longer than 3 weeks. And you were back around, and I was stronger alone, but so was my strong belief in the damn signs I've been getting the last fucking YEAR of us doing this ~thing~ of ours from the big guy up there (imagine me pointing, yanno me, i’m an awkward bitch who points, bet you can imagine my torn up nails too. you always remind me to stop biting them. thanks for that.)

Oh.. yeah, hey, happy 1 year of crossing paths (again, if you count the years we didn’t really /know/ each other, but were in the same friend circle... somehow. idk.) and taking away my right to say “i’ve never fallen inlove like for real for real!” (my words, not society’s.) 

But yeah, when I sit here and type, I realize I won’t get as much out as I will whenever you give me the chance to say it all out loud (if you could be /so/ kind), but let me get to my favorite part of the last 365 days.

I’ll start with the fact that... that night.... I almost cancelled on you 3 fucking times. This was before I caught on to God’s lessons that he embedded in our encounter and friendship. Now I see this was his small beginning and it was with the fact that we both come from two different lives and backgrounds, that being symbolized by the fact that I usually eat dinner at like... 5 pm. and you are a more 7 pm guy. By 6:30 I was not only hangry, but beginning to let my anxiety and trust issues from my past start to creep in. “He is really gonna pull this? after 3 weeks of us talking? AND its the day before my birthday? how rude.” I thought. I even told my friends twice I wanted to drop the date, and they both said to do what made me happy. But yanno what I did that I never do? especially in that season of life I was in? (this was “fuck guys, none of them deserve me anyway) phase, by the way. I’m still in it, but you’re an exception.)

I just said... “no. I’ll give him 10 more minutes”.... three times. But yanno what?

It was the best decision I ever fucking made in my ENTIRE life. (other than that one time we... yanno... had sex for (my) the first time (ours together). Sorry but I mean you saw this coming right?) 

You kept me talking and laughing from the moment I walked out of my front door that night... all the way until, well, that night we broke up in January. Yet, I think you still made me giggle a few times before we finally hung the 3 hour phone call up. 

OH! Our first date was November 15th, 2018. Crazy... we broke up literally... 2 months after our first date. That’s super weird. This isn’t the first time that dates have aligned like that in my life. It’s whatever, ANYWAY. 

Back to the story! So. Yeah. Best night of my life. seriously. Going out with you that night was the best decision I ever made. It was so fun and sweet and carefree and I was so happy. 

Bro-- you make me /SO/ fucking happy.

 Even after all the shit we’ve gone through, I’d still pick you over any guy on this damn planet, and that says a lot about me considering you’re very deep into your “bachelor szn” of life right now. Which I’m happy af for you for, that is a sick time of life, and you deserve to live it. I just appreciate you keeping me around for the nights you want someone to hold and kiss and watch movies with. (the dinner was an added bonus, and very sexy. so keep it up for me pls. I promise I will reciprocate my thanks.)

But anyway. The 1st date, it was the night I think God sealed the deal of the whole “you’re gonna fall inlove with this guy when y'all kiss” thing. I never really believed in that shit, partly bc I hated hallmark movies and hated the entire feeling of love after what I thought I knew from my last big relationship before you, but I was so wrong.

I still think about our first kiss a lot, and I hate to admit that because I am not that OOZY with love and emotions. But I do. And I never realized that was the night I fell in love with you, I realized that the last night you and I stayed at Julie and Camden’s... yanno before you met some new girl and started seeing her like 3-4 nights a week? yeah same. I wasn’t a complete mess though, I worked on school and fell in love with the art of teaching, so that was cool. But yeah. That night. You and I literally had so many nights like it this summer, but, yet, THAT night is when I was trying to fall asleep and the memory of our first date was like “yo what up bitch time to relive this day again.”

and I did. and it was amazing. and then when it got to that kissing part (Sam was so annoyed by us, I think. I don’t really remember. it was THAT good of a kiss my dude.) I really realized that is when I began to believe in the fact that a man could possibly love me, or care for me, or just like me again. I was so happy. 

I have learned so many lessons from this whole 365 days (and counting) experience. Let me explain.

- be patient. (THIS was the biggest and hardest one, and its ongoing. I want to say I’m doing better.) I've had to really stop myself from getting upset and remind myself, “God wouldn’t keep him around in my life like this if he didn’t have a reason too.” He’d give me all the signs to leave. I’m not too blind to look at both sides, I just see more promise in the good side than to be dramatic and listen to the bad side. I see dedication and hard work on the good side. 

- be trusting. (Now I know you get me when I say, trust issues take up your whole damn life. Maybe not as much anymore because we both are/have gone through the stage of life where you learn “people only take as much as you give. So give a little at a time.” which is what your doing now, and is what I learned to start doing... then I met you and ended up dumping all my trust into you. but not in the way you may think, it has taken this entire year for me too. so you’re welcome). I have really started seeing how much I trust you, and how much you deserve it. But I won’t lie and say there aren’t times you don’t deserve me, and I KNOW that. But I refrain from screaming it at you, because.... what is that going to help at this point? The time isn’t here yet, if it ever comes, but if it does, you’ll know I’ve waited to say it, followed up with the whole hearted reason I never let it be why I gave up, because I never will give up on you.*

* When you and I started dating (11...24...18.... yeah. you get why I put it in numbers, right?) You told me in text that night to not give up on you, because you’re still young and still learning. I said I understood and wouldn’t, because you made me (and still do) the happiest girl on this earth. no cap, boo. You also said it and say it almost every time you are drunk and next to me in bed. “Don’t give up on me baby. please.” and my most favorite time, which was Christmas, “Don’t give up on me baby and I swear, I’m going to make our life together so damn great.” and yanno? I still believe it. and Always will. (scouts honor, boo.)

- Be understanding. (This one is gonna get deep.) So, I know, most movies will show you a girl who is a friend of the girl in love, or the guy who is the best best friend of the guy who is also in love tell one of the two that they need to just man up and say how they feel to the other one, even if that other one doesn’t want to believe it. Or better yet, tell the person THEY don't see how inlove they are with a person. Now I won’t sit here and act like I haven’t wished I could come across you with the desire in my heart to just tell you “don’t you see how fucking perfect we are for eachother?” because thats not realistic. That would of pushed me away from any man (and actually has before) who said it to me. SO WHY would I ever try to make someone push you to believe it? Let alone myself? You will realize it yourself someday, or maybe a friend will notice it and mention it to you, but I won’t ever be the one to tell you I think you are dumb for not seeing our potential. I’m fine with waiting until you figure it out. As far behind as you are in the feelings and independence stage in life... emotionally... I am in the independence and living stage... physically. We just did things backwards. 

This is getting long (if it wasn’t a surprise) but...

I love you, boo. I always will, and apparently have since the first night you took me to chilis. So let’s just say this has been a wild year, but I can’t wait for the rest of the others. 

Have fun with whatever/whoever you’re doing, Hope to see ya soon and get my face wash back that I “forgot” two weeks ago.

love, 

your future wifey, hehe. ;)

jk.

love always, Chloe. (or when you like to make me mad, Coco.)

[balancedpluto]

All arcana asks ;)

I hate u so much Hayden. Putting it under a read more cuz HECK this is a lot. Also u can clearly tell Rose is my most fleshed out apprentice lmao. U can also tell when I started to burn out lol. THIS TOOK ME ALL DAY HECK

1. Name? Surname?Rose LaFontaineAaron (???)Lyra (???)

2. Any Family?Rose: she has a sister who’s 10 years older than her named Yvette, she’s a pirate. And her mother still lives in Fantasy France.Aaron: SO MANYLyra:….she doesn’t like to talk about it

3.Any Familiar?Rose: A bull mastiff named Mika who can change in size (so she can fit in a pocket or be the size of a horse, at her will)Aaron: A bearded dragon named Sir Slappy Skiddaddly the Third Lyra: A cute little rat named Pixie

4.Asra, Nadia, or Julian?Rose: JulianAaron: AsraLyra: Nadia

5. Best strength in magic?Rose: IllusionsAaron: Fire magic. Anyone who follows Eereree saw this coming.Lyra: the creation and manipulation of light

6. Favorite color?Rose: Maroon or light pink Aaron: Red. Surprise surprise Lyra: Purple

7. Favorite number?Rose: 69Aaron: 420Lyra: HOW DID YOU TWO ANSWER THAT SO FAST??? Uhh, 7?

8. Sexuality?Rose: BiAaron: PanLyra: Lesbian

9. Weird hobby?Rose: not really weird so much as unexpected for her, but she likes to sew and knit.Aaron: Weed lmaoLyra: Buying books but never actually getting around to reading them.

10. Favorite season?Rose: SpringAaron: FallLyra: Spring as well

11. Favorite weather?Rose: Sunny, but not hot.Aaron: Thunderstorms Lyra: Drizzly

12. Favorite place in Vesuvia?Rose: The Raven, or Mazelinka’s place. She loves that lady like she was her own grandmother.Aaron: The market. That pumpkin bread thoLyra: The palace library

13. How does their laughter sound like?Rose: Sober, its a soft almost teasing giggle. Drunk, loud cackling. Both are very charming in their own way.Aaron: LOUDLyra: giggling and soft snorting

14. How do they look like when they cry?Rose: She doesn’t cry often so when she does its…a lot. Loud gross sobbing often accompanied by yelling. Its not pretty.Aaron: Ghibli tears. You can’t convince me otherwise.Lyra: A lot of sniffling

15. What do they like to wear?Rose: Long dresses/skirts with low cut tops. Her brests are her best asset and she’s gonna show em whether you like it or not.Aaron: Tits out. That’s all u need to know.Lyra: Long, modest cut dresses with a corset. Very simple, but she always looke nice.

16. What are their fears?Rose: Fears? Don’t know her. (Actually death, which is…ironic considering the circumstances)Aaron: Abandonment. And cockroaches.Lyra: Rejection. The dark.

17. What do they like to do Friday night?Rose: put on fancy lingerie, get wasted, and play card games.Aaron: Blaze it lmaoLyra: (cuddling with Nadia) Reading

18. Do they use makeup?Yes. All 3 of them.

19. Favorite food?Rose: Mama LaFontaine’s crepesAaron: Spicy Vegetarian ChiliLyra: Cookies (technically not FOOD, but sweets are her big weakness)

20. Favorite drink?Rose: Rosé wine. Sounds redundant considering her name, but thats why she likes it. Growing up she thought it was named after her.Aaron: Just water, surprisingly.Lyra: Green tea

21. Zodiac sign?Rose: CancerAaron: Cancer Lyra: Aquarius(I dont care i have two apprentices that are the same sign leave me alone)

22. Day of birth?Honestly haven’t even thought if that lmao

23. Favorite movie?Rose: Heathers. She loves a bad bitch movie.Aaron: Shrek. Lyra: Not really a movie person tbh. She likes Disney stuff tho.

24. Favorite music genre?Rose: Classic rock or indie. Also has an interest in things involving old or obscure instruments.Aaron: Pop PunkLyra: Soft indie or video game soundtracks

25. Favorite song?Rose: Over the Hills and Far Away- Patty GurdyAaron: It’s Never Sunny in South Philadelphia-The Wonder YearsLyra: Youth- Daughter

26. Favorite TV show?Rose: Likes to watch cooking shows cuz its usually the only thing good onAaron: Doesn’t really do TVLyra: Also not really into TV, will put on like, QVC or something for background noise tho (im guilty of this)

27. What is their style?Rose: Like i said before. Long skirt, tits OUT.Aaron: Lazy but somehow manages to look hot? How does he do that???Lyra: Simple and modest, but always in pretty colors.

28. Any mental health issues?Rose: She has some anger issues, along with a tendency to bottle everything upAaron: hrrhgghh i haven’t gotten that deep with him WHOOPSLyra: Really bad anxiety

29. Any health issues in general?Not really?

30. Are they human?Yeah….or are they dancer?

31. Favorite book?Rose: She honestly can’t remember the last time she had time to read for fun.Aaron: Wtf is a book lolLyra: Don’t make her choose for the love of god

32. Favorite book genre?The person writing these questions assumes I know books lmao

33. Favorite time of the day?Rose: SunsetAaron: Early afternoonLyra: Like, really early morning. My sweet child why are you awake this early

34. If they weren’t a magician, who would they be?Rose: A pirate like her sister. Unless this is meant as like a modern AU then she’d probably sew and knit cute things and sell them online.Aaron: Probably a video game youtuber tbhLyra: Not much different, only she’d run a little mom and pop knick knack/ book store instead of a magic shop

35. Do they believe in ghosts?Yeah

36. Do they believe in aliens?Kind of?

37. Do they like sports?What is this…sport you speak of?

38. How do they look like?Sexy

Rose: 

Aaron:

Lyra:

(art by @willowwish64 )

39. What is their biggest motivation to solve the Lucio’s killer mystery?Rose: To clear Julian’s name Aaron: To make sure it wasn’t him and he just doesn’t remember. I mean…fire is kinda his thing, so…Lyra: To put Nadia’s mind at ease

40. What do they think of Lucio so far?Rose: “He’s an asshole.”Aaron: “Goatman! Fuck you, goatman!”Lyra: “I can never look at a goat again without feeling terrified”

41. What do they think of Nadia so far?Rose: “She’s the kind of woman I strive to be. I have so much respect for her.”Aaron: “A smart, capable woman. Also really hot like wowie.”Lyra: “She’s so amazing and so beautiful and i don’t know why she likes me so much, I’m so dull compared to her and-” (this can go on for hours)

42. What do they think of Asra so far?Rose: “A great friend and mentor. I’d do anything for him.”Aaron: “He’s like…a human sheep…but really skinny…imagine hugging cotton candy filled with bones…its amazing. Also dat ass.” (He loves him but he’s bad at serious answers)Lyra: “A close friend to whom i owe my life”

43. What do they think of Julian so far?Rose: “Oh, Julian. How do i begin to describe how i feel about him? I’ve never met someone who’s so smart and witty yet so dumb? And he’d do anything for you but doesn’t think he deserves the same, even though he does. And, well, i could go on but the long and the short of it is, I love that idiot.”

Aaron: “He’s like a taller, hotter version of me AND IM SO PISSED”Lyra: “he sure is…something”

44. What do they think of Portia so far?Rose: “My future sister in law???? I love her so much! ”Aaron: “She’s…so small…my god im surrounded by small people”Lyra: “She’s so lovely!! She’s like my best friend!”

45. What do they think of Muriel so far?Rose: “He…doesn’t like to talk much does he? And he’s so…TALL. Makes you wonder about…things.”Aaron: “Him big. ”Lyra: “He…kind of scares me a bit? ”

46. Do they like animals?OF COURSE

47. Are they allergic to anything?Nope

48. Do they have any talents (except magic)?Rose: Again, she’s really good at sewing/knittingAaron: He can lick his elbow. And he shows off his “skill” to everyone. Charming i know.Lyra: She’s really good with animals

49. Do they get drunk easily?Rose: No, she can hold her liquor pretty well. She usually just gets tipsyAaron and Lyra: YES

50 .What is their personality type?*fart noises*

51. What is their worst negative quality?Rose: She tends to dodge any question that’ll make her show any negative emotion. Being with Julian is kind of helping her with that, since he needs her support and she feels okay talking about this stuff with him. Also she tends to be kind of overly sexual. She doesn’t really mean to, it just happens.Aaron: He tends to take serious things as a joke sometimes.Lyra: She likes to just, avoid people. She’d rather just be alone by her own choice than face rejection.

52. What is their best positive quality?Rose: She’s like a mom? You wouldn’t think that on the surface, but she’s actually really warm and motherly.Aaron: So fucking funny.Lyra: She has a heart of gold

53. What is their position to fall asleep?Rose: She likes to fall alseep with Julian resting his head on her chest and petting his hair. Motherly instincts, i guess. Also it’s the only surefire way of making sure he sleeps. If she’s alone, on her stomach or side with her arms under the pillow.Aaron: Starfish. Asra just has to deal with it, i guess.Lyra: Curled up with Nadia. It’s where she feels safest.

54. The most uncomfortable moment they ever experienced?Rose: (spoilers) Finding out she died. Considering death is her greatest fear, it was especially hard for her to swallowAaron: When his brother found out him and Asra were fuckin…and he found out his brother and Nadia were fuckinLyra:…..

55. Their happiest memory?Rose: When she first came to Vesuvia. It was kinda scary, but there’s SO MUCH TO SEE!!Aaron: Getting Slappy. Lyra: Finding out Nadia likes her back. She nearly fainted.

56. Do they blush?Rose: Not really, if she does its hard to tellAaron: SometimesLyra: YES

57. Are they clumsy?Nah

58. Do they like jokes? Of course, they’re people, arent they?

59. How do they flirt?Rose: VERY direct. She’s not afraid to let people know what she wants.Aaron: “Hey cookin’, what’s lookin’?”Lyra: oh god she’s so bad at it help her

60. Favorite fruit?Rose: StrawberryAaron: Orange Lyra: Kiwi