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turnupswritessometimes · 5 years ago

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The One With the Zombies - AshEiji - Ch12

Title: The One With the Zombies

Chapter: 12

Word Count: 4026

Description: Another what it says on the tin from me - it’s a Zombie Apocalypse AU because how else could this anime/manga get any darker? Whilst on the run from the outbreak of zombies, reporters Ibe and Eiji stumble across a New York street gang, safely huddled in an abandoned warehouse. As if the undead weren’t surprising enough, Eiji finds himself becoming closer and closer to the gang’s leader, mysteriously dubbed Ash Lynx. But safety doesn’t last forever and soon it’s only Ash and Eiji. And they’re up against more than just zombies.

Note: This is available on A03, and I would recommend you follow it there, as I remember to update it. I would post a link, but then Tumblr wouldn’t include it in search results.

Ash had hoped that the sense of safety would last more than a day. But going back to look-outs put him back on edge. Made his skin prickle at the slightest of sound and brought back that itchy trigger finger. He ended up shooting a deer. That was okay. They ate that for dinner - cooking it over a fire and eating it in chunks. The gas wasn't working anymore, so they had to cook it outside, guns at their hips in case of any unwanted visitors.

"It's just like camp," Eiji had said, smiling up at Ash. He had kissed his forehead then, to soothe some of the panic in his stomach. It had only been a deer, but if it had been a person - a person in need of help, they would be dead. Ash would have another body haunting his dreams.

He saw Shorter whenever he dropped off. He thought that would be fine, because Eiji would be there to remind him that he was still warm and alive. It was still worth being alive.

But he had woken up to an empty room. An empty room and a knock on the door. Then the door was opening and Max's voice was coming to him.

"You were screaming."

It took him a moment. Sat up, hair in his face and his hands buried in the mattress. " I'll try to keep it down next time."

"That's not what I meant."

"Where's Eiji?" He was proud of himself. It had taken him a whole ten seconds before he had asked.

"Look out. I'm afraid you're stuck with me."

That actually brought a sound out of Ash. Not a laugh - not quite - but maybe a slither of one.

"I'd rather face a zombie."

Max sat at the end of the bed. The curtains were drawn, but the evening light still shone in. Normally it would be too bright to sleep in, but they were exhausted. It was becoming easier to sleep when they could see.

"I've never been very good at the dad thing," Max admitted.

"Don't start now."

"Can I chase away any nightmares?"

"Griffin's dead. I killed him. Shorter's dead. I killed him. How do you chase that away?"

Brown eyes pierced his own. Not gentle. Not the kind dad that Max tried to be too often. This was a sober, serious look.

"Do you think they'd want you to be upset over it?"

They had both asked. They had both chosen that. It was easy to be the one to choose, harder to be the one who did it.

Which meant Ash's nerves were running high. He was nervous - nervous about those telephone poles and nervous about how else they might be found. They would be found, he knew, if they stayed here. They had to keep moving.

So he called everyone together. They stood on the porch, making sure they were always protected. Skip sat on the side, loading and reloading Ash's gun.

"We have to go somewhere safer than this," he said. He had an arm around Eiji's waist, a finger curled into his belt loop. He felt Eiji's hand on his hip. It felt right. This felt right. This felt like sliding the last piece of a puzzle into place. It was selfish – it was incredibly selfish to want Eiji by his side just to complete his puzzle, but in the apocalypse you had to be selfish. Everyone else was being selfish. Ash deserved this. And he wasn’t seeing Eiji complaining.

"We know where the virus is now. We have to go back- we have to stop it," he said. His eyes were so full of determination that Ash felt his heart cracking.

"We can't- we can't stop it, Eiji." His throat was dry.

"Or - tell people-"

"Who?" Max's tone was soft. He was back to the gentle dad thing and Ash found that it wasn't annoying him as much anymore. "News stations in the state are down. And no one's about to listen to me."

"Well, we can't just do nothing," Eiji said.

"What can we do?" Ash said. "Three kids and two reporters. We’re hardly even that."

"We can't just run." Eiji looked between them all with a hard, determined gaze.

Run. That was what Ash did. He was good at running. At running and hiding and not turning back. But that wasn't bad. He was starting to learn that. It wasn't just running.

"We're not running. We're surviving." he said. "We're going to survive."

Ash was a survivor. Eiji had said that. So if he was a survivor, he was going to continue to survive.

"So you have a plan?" Ibe asked.

Now everyone was looking at him. It didn't break his resolve, but it made him falter. He stared back and eventually shrugged.

"Shorter was the zombie nerd. Shorter would know what to do."

"The cold," Eiji said. His eyes were focusing on something in the distance.

"Hm?"

"Isn't it- in one of the films - the zombies freeze? We could go north. Where it's colder." His eyes flicked back to Ash, then.

"So...Canada?" Ibe suggested.

Max shook his head. "We'd never get through the border. It's on complete shutdown."

"Bold of you to assume I even have a passport," Ash said. "Who says we need to go through legally?"

"No." Max's voice was firm. "You're basing this on a movie."

"There's not a lot of other things to base it on," Ash said. "We can't stay here. We can't stay in the country. Where else do we go? Mexico?"

“Better weather,” Ibe mumbled.

“That’s true. I know a little Spanish.” Max was rubbing his chin, looking up at the sky.

“It’s too far. It’s a wonder he-“ he wasn’t going to give the name power by saying it. “Hasn’t caught up to us already. It’s too far and maybe Eiji’s right. Maybe the zombies will freeze.”

There was silence for a long time. They stared at each other, willing for anyone to come up with a better idea. There must have been a better plan out there.

Finally, Max broke the quiet. "Fine. We'll go north. We'll take the car as far as it can go."

"Fine by me. I hate that thing."

Eiji turned his head then, to murmur into Ash's ear. "It's tacky."

He smiled, and kissed Eiji's temple. He wanted to melt. To melt into Eiji and let himself be taken care of. To spend the day laughing or sobbing in a rollercoaster of emotions. It didn’t matter if he was haunted by Shorter as long as he had someone to take care of him. As long as he could be vulnerable that was okay.

It was better than being brittle.

But he was still a gang leader. He couldn’t change that just yet. Not whilst there was still a job to be done. He heard the change in his voice, knew he’d hardened back up to stone as he said, "let’s pack up what we can."

Whilst Eiji and Ash had been cycling to New York, Max and Ibe had been raiding gas stations for supplies. The result was an impressive collection of 'I Love New York' tees, most of them a ridiculously large size. As well as shorts and trainers. They were new and they were clothes and that was good enough. And Max had given Ash his cigarettes back. Had slipped them onto the bedside table without a word. Ash had nodded at him. Max had nodded back. It was the closest to a genuine conversation without any sarcasm that they had. And it wasn’t awful.

Of course, there was an argument about the car. About who was going to drive. They stood around it with backpacks thrown into the boot haphazardly, everything but the kitchen sink packed.

"Have you even got a license?" Max was asking, one hand on the handle. "How old are you? Fourteen?"

"Eighteen. And it's my car. Of course I know how to drive it."

"You're not eighteen," Eiji said.

"I turned eighteen last week."

"Ash!"

"What?"

"You didn't tell me!"

"You didn't need to know."

So, it ended up being Eiji's fault that Max slipped into the driver's seat without them noticing. It was Eiji's fault they ended up in the back either side of Skip. Ash loved the kid. He had always loved the kid, but when he was the only thing separating him from Eiji, it was torture. So close and yet so far. It was like Skip knew as well. Usually, he acted twice his age, but when he knew he could be annoying, he reverted back to the kid he should have been. It made guilt and jealousy swirl around in Ash because he knew Skip should have had a normal childhood. He should be in school and with his parents and yet the gang had taken care of him. Did a good job of protecting him.

And he was jealous because he couldn’t remember the last time that he had let himself act his age. Maybe he never had. Maybe it was time to start. Ash did the mature thing. He kicked the back of Max's seat for as long as he could stay moody when Eiji was patiently teaching Skip Japanese.

"And sayonara is goodbye."

"I don't need that one," Ash said.

Eiji smiled. His chocolate eyes were melting when he looked at Ash and it was tempting to melt too.

"So, what's car?" Skip pestered. Like he was a cheeky fairy breaking a spell.

"Kuruma," Eiji said.

"Ku-ru-ma?"

"Mm."

"Skip, give Eiji a break," Ash said. He leant his elbow on the window.

"I'm just learning. It's good to be learned and cultured, Ash." Skip looked up at him with a smile that was anything but innocent. "You just want Eiji all to yourself so you can snog him."

Eiji laughed, but his cheeks were pink. Ash had to look away - not because of Skips words - definitely not - because Eiji was just too much.

"That's not-"

"Eiji, how do you say 'I love you,' in Japanese?"

Ash was surprised to find his pulse racing. He pushed stray hair away from his face, risking a glance over at Eiji. He was meeting his eyes, a smile that was innocent and genuine but also coy and teasing on his lips.

"Aishiteru."

As if that didn’t threaten to make his heart stop completely.

"Ugh," Max groaned from the front. "Can't you kids play a game that doesn’t make me feel like I’m stuck in a rom-com? I was promised a horror at the apocalypse. Or at least an action movie."

"Fine. I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'g'." Ash said.

"Grass?"

"Garden?"

"Gate?"

Eiji and Skip took turns guessing, but Ash shook his head at all of the suggestions.

"Grumpy old git."

To his surprise, it was Ibe who burst out laughing.

"Ash! You're not meant to tell us," Eiji said. He was trying to frown at him. It wasn’t working.

"No, no, the kid is right," Max said. "But I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'L.’"

His eyes met Ash's in the rear view mirror and Ash did his best to narrow his eyes.

"Oh, I know that one." Skip was grinning. "Lovestruck fools."

"Exactly."

"How much longer till we get to Canada?" Ash asked.

"I hate to tell you this, but your boy racer car isn't going to hold out all the way to Canada." Was Max's reply.

They drove past a gaggle of zombies. Too fast for Ash to make out any details, but enough to make the whole car quiet. They hadn't seen any in a while. It had been easy to believe that Papa Dino was the only thing they were running from.

After that, they drove on in relative silence. They tried to turn the radio on at one point - just to see what would happen - and predictably got static back. A few words or sounds came out every so often, like a spirit box. It was better than listening to nothing.

Skip fell asleep an hour in. And Ash was tempted to join him. Cars were safe. They were all here and whilst they weren't driving they could rest.

Eiji's hand found his over Skip's lap. He took Ash's hand, easing his fingers open and running the pads of his fingers over every nerve he could find. It was like electricity. In fact, he could badly stand how it made every part of him feel so alive. How he wanted Eiji to use his magic hands and erase every other touch on him.

He was sure that he fell asleep with that thought running through his head.

They stopped at dusk. Max had pulled into a gas station, just in case by some miracle they could use it.

Eiji had been half asleep himself. Stating over at Ash slumped against the window, his hand still tangled in Eiji's and Skip pressed against his side. In that huge t-shirt, he looked younger than ever. Less Leonardo DiCaprio and more teenager on vacation with his dad. His hair had gone fluffy from the impromptu water pump showers.

Ash snapped awake the moment he heard the door slam, as Max got out to check the pumps. His fingers tightened on Eiji, for a moment tight enough to hurt. For a moment, he looked like a wildcat.

Then the moment passed. He rolled down the window with his free hand.

"Where'd we stop?" he called to Max.

"Somewhere of the I-81. Near Scranton. About halfway there, I reck-" Max broke off, swearing as a few drips came from the pump and nothing else. He moved on to the next one. "We probably have enough gas for another twenty miles or so."

Then they were on their own. Eiji shivered at the thought. The car had been warm and cosy. It had felt safe, just like any normal road trip. But it wasn't - of course it wasn't. The plan was to drive up to Buffalo and try and get through customs at the Peace Bridge. Eiji wasn’t sure how they were going to do that. He’d had a visa, but the last place he might have had it was the warehouse. It might not have even got out of the city.

They waited for the gas. There was a lot of swallowing and staring anywhere but the pump, as if the gas would come out only if they didn’t look at it. Ibe climbed into the driver's side to bring the car forward to the next pump. They managed to get a quarter of a tank from it.

Max and Ash stared at each other, seeming to have a conversation with just their eyes. Then Ash opened the door, lifting Skip onto his back.

"We'll camp out in the station. Take whatever food we can and go."

They chanced a fire. Using a drop of petrol to help it get going and boiling pot noodles in a pot over the top of it. They weren't great, but they were food.

And as Ibe and Max offered to take the first watch, Ash and Eiji had the staff room to themselves. We'll, them and Skip, who had woken for dinner before falling asleep again. Eiji often forgot he was only eight or so. Of this was exhausting for him, it went three fold for Skip.

They sat on a sofa that was more duct tape than leather, their legs tangled together. Eiji was almost in Ash's lap, he realised, and wondered whether he should move closer. They hadn't talked about Ash's past - how it was likely to affect their entire relationship. And Eiji wasn't sure how to approach it other than, "is this okay?"

"This is great." Ash was nuzzled into his neck, his mouth on the short hairs at Eiji's hairline.

"I don't want to make you uncomfortable."

Ash paused. His arms looped around Eiji's waist, pulling him closer and knocking him off balance so they fell into the sofa.

"I'm used to it," Ash whispered. "And I'm with you, so it's worth it."

"No. It's not. Nothing's worth that."

Ash's mouth traced Eiji's jaw. "I guess you're nothing, then."

"Ash." He made sure to put a warning in his voice. It made him pull away, press his forehead to Eiji's.

"I'm fine," he repeated. "You're fine. It's different with you."

"You'll let me know if you're not fine?"

"Mm. You want a safe word or something?"

"Sure." Eiji rubbed his thumb in circles on the back of Ash's hand. He kissed him, letting his lips move slowly.

"Banana fish." Ash almost said the words into Eiji's mouth, he barely pulled away.

"What?"

"That's it. The safe word. Banana fish."

For some incomprehensible reason, Eiji found himself chuckling at that. Something about it felt incredibly familiar. Incredibly right. He’d never heard those two words together and yet they slid together as if they always belonged that way.

He kissed Ash again, just because he could. "Banana fish it is then."

They were torn between staring at each other whilst it was still light enough to see and by pressing as close together as possible. Eiji's body couldn't figure out a balance between looking at Ash and smothering him with affection.

"I survived my trip to NYC, huh?" Ash tugged out Eiji's t-shirt to read it.

He smiled. "Well, I did, didn't I?"

"We're not out of the state yet." It was only for a moment that Ash's tone darkened. He pecked Eiji's lips again. "When we get to Canada, I'll buy you a leather jacket."

"Oh yeah?" Eiji got brave. He sent a leg over Ash's lap, settling himself so that his hands were on Ash's shoulders.

"Yeah it'll complete your bad boy image." Ash's hands shifts Eiji backwards slightly, so that he was sat on the sofa, between Ash's legs instead of on them. He didn't comment.

"With the leather pants too?"

"Of course." Ash's hand brushed dark curls away from Eiji's face. "I'll sell that tacky earring for it."

"What about your bad boy image?"

"I don't need it anymore."

"Ash Lynx going straight." Eiji shook his head, leaning into Ash's touch. He was smiling. It was so easy to smile around Ash. "Soo-Ling will be disappointed."

That made Ash freeze. "I hope the kids okay."

"He will be. He's tough. Tougher than us."

"Tougher than me?" Ash looked up at Eiji from under his fringe, a signature wolf-like smirk on his face.

"Oh, definitely. One month with some Japanese kid and you're already hanging it all up."

Ash frowned. "A month?"

"About that. It's been hard to keep track of."

"It feels like I've known you forever." Ash leant forward, capturing Eiji's mouth again. His lips moved slowly, almost teasingly, his teeth catching against Eiji's mouth. It tingled, like electricity was sparking between them.

“I want to be with you forever.” He was hardly aware of the words coming out of him. Only really aware that the tips of Ash’s fingers were travelling from the side of his hips to his ribcage and he loved that feeling. He felt himself arching his back to accommodate, his own hands drifting down Ash’s chest. “Is that crazy? I barely know you – it’s an accident that we even met, but I – I’m scared to be without you.”

Ash pulled away, then. Looked him dead in the eyes with a gaze that could never hope to live up to that stupid piece of jade. “I know.”

Shivers went through Eiji. For a moment, he didn’t know if they were good or bad. Scary. It was kind of scary. And yet – and yet, yes – that was how it felt. That was how it felt but he didn’t want to dwell on that.

“Your birthday. Why didn’t you mention your birthday?”

“It’s really not a big deal.” Ash tugged Eiji’s shirt sleeves, pulling him closer. Tugging at his mouth as if he was trying to distract him. And damn, if he wasn’t good at that.

“It really is. You’re eighteen.”

“Mm. Not as old as you, though.”

“You’ll catch up one day.”

And Ash giggled. Or damn near made a sound like he was giggling. That made Eiji’s resolve crumble too. He fell forward, almost flush against Ash, trying to find air to breathe and failing miserably.

They hadn’t realised how dark it got until a torch shone on them. They squinted through the yellow light to see two silhouettes in the doorway. Heard Max say, “your turn,” even though Eiji was hurriedly trying to get off of Ash. To try and disguise their flushed cheeks. Not like there was a point – they hadn’t been subtle about their relationship. But Ibe was still Ibe and it was awkward.

Ash didn’t seem to care. His fingers laced in Eiji’s with ease as he passed the older men. They stood in the doorway of the gas station. The security light still worked – the battery was going, so it flickered on occasionally, casting everything in a yellow glow for just a moment. It felt like a beacon, waving at anything nearby that there were people here.

The mood had changed. This wasn’t the safety of the indoors. Of knowing that there were people who would warn them. This was look out duty and it was tense. It was shadows driving Eiji insane nd squinting into the darkness to see something – anything – and not knowing whether to be relieved that there was nothing there.

Only there was something there. A shape in the darkness. A shuffling shape that, when the light fell on it, was all black gaping mouth and peeling grey skin.

“Ash,” Eiji whispered.

“I see it.” Ash was already pulling the rifle that had been placed round the side of the door out, checking the silencer was screwed on.

“Let me do it.” He wasn’t sure where the determination in his voice came from, but it was there.

A pause. “What?”

“Please.”

“No, Eiji.” Ash was already aiming. Waiting for the light to spark on again so he could take the shot.

“You don’t want me to get blood on my hands.” It had always come down to that. Ash had never liked Eiji shooting, and he hadn’t been able to figure out why until Shorter. Until he had seen the look in Ash’s eye and hadn’t been allowed to touch a gun afterwards. “It’s not that simple.” He paused, watching Ash’s expression. It was fixed. Eyes narrowed. Finger poised. Waiting. Waiting, but not shooting. “Together. We’ve done everything together. Let’s do this together too. You don’t have to take all of the blood.”

There was a long moment. Eiji could hear the shuffling footsteps now and a familiar tightness was in his throat. A familiar racing heartbeat.

Then Ash moved. Quickly, almost knocking Eiji over as he swung an arm around him. He was pressed tightly against Ash’s back, hands over his guiding him into already familiar positions on the gun. He was holding a gun. He was going to take the shot. Going to take some of that weight from Ash’s shoulders.

It was heavy. The gun. He fought to line it up, so that the crosshairs caught two tiny, beady eyes.

Eiji didn’t hesitate. He slammed the trigger as soon as he knew it would hit. Felt the impact of the bullet leave it’s metal home, even if he didn’t hear it. Felt the gun rear back like a wild horse – ever so slightly. The shadow fell to the floor with a damp thud. It was anticlimactic.

Ash’s finger was pressing down over his. So tightly that it hurt.

It had been at the same time. Eiji hadn’t hesitated, so he hadn’t noticed, but they had slammed the trigger at the same time.

At the end of the day, they may have both held the gun, but it was really Ash who pulled the trigger.

#asheiji #banana fish #ash lynx #eiji okumura #zombie apocalypse #zombie apocolypse au #turnupsdraws

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dxmedstudent · 7 years ago

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Hey lovely :) Do you happen to know/know of any medtumblr who is doing med while also living with a chronic illness? Or if it's even possible to do that? Hope you have a great day xx

Hello! If you are new, welcome to medblr, the surprisingly chilled side of studyblr, where we’re all hoping to save lives by day, and secretly run cat cafes by night. Given that 8/10 of docs in England report mental health problems in their career, it’s pretty likely that many of us will suffer health problems of some kind. Even in med school, a surprising number of our peers are working their best through various health problems, it’s just that we don’t usually see it unless we are close to them. So sometimes it feels like we’re alone, because we don’t know many people going through something similar. But it can be done! I’ve known doctors who are type 1 diabetic, have inflammatory bowel disorders, eating disorders, depression, anxiety (well, technically most people in medicine I know have experienced either D or A) amongst other things. So it can be done, though every person’s path is different. The important thing is looking after your health, and being open with uni or work about how you are doing with your health, and being able to ask for help when it’s needed. Someone with chronic illness faces hardship that someone who is currently healthy doesn’t have to face, so it can be a bit more of a struggle (or a lot more of a struggle), but university and work should be able to help accommodate you as best as they can.There are actually lots of medblrs with chronic illness of varying degrees. I won’t link to any for the simple reason that I don’t like to discuss others’ medical problems, because I’m never sure how openly they want do discuss them on the internet. It’s absolutely not a problem that you asked. What I’ll do, is I’ll put this out there and leave it up to all my friends and followers to come forward if they want to chat about how it’s affected them. Chronic illness is a really broad term basically meaning ‘illness lasting more than a short period of time’, so it might even help to be slightly more specific. Only because there’s a huge variety and degree of severity in what we call chronic illness. Our experiences therefore vary hugely; someone with one illness can’t necessarily speak for what it’s like to have another one. For example, I have IBS, which is a huge literal pain in the butt, but that’s nothing like the life-changing experience someone with Crohn’s has. I’ve never openly identified as chronically ill, though it’s not something I ever expect to go away. But more importantly, my health problems may have required me to make changes in my life, and they affect my life in ways that are pretty frustrating sometimes, but I don’t feel anywhere near to the extent of people with serious chronic illness. I know enough people battling far worse to know that severity really matters. That’s why I feel that even if you anonymously share a bit of what you’re facing, we might be able to find someone who’s facing something similar. Even if we can’t share similar experiences, we’re willing to listen if you want to talk.

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snakecolumn95 · 6 years ago

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An Exact Breakdown Of The $1,100 I’ve Spent Trying To Cure My Stomach Issues Over The Past 2 Years

For the past two years, I have struggled with unknown digestive issues. I had never before experienced such constant constipation and bloating. For a year and a half, doctors dismissed my complaints of, “This is not normal. Something is wrong,” by telling me to eat more fiber, exercise more, and drink more water. These were all things I was doing (and tracking in a food/exercise/water/poop journal), but no one wanted to listen.

In August, I met with a naturopath who looked at my 13 months of notes about what went in and out of my body. She heard my concerns and worked with me to recommend different possibilities as to what was causing my body to turn against me so.

Here’s a complete breakdown* of what I’ve spent (so far) on my journey for gut answers:

*Note that all amounts listed here are in CAD unless otherwise noted

March 2017

I am constipated for a week and think it is due to a hemorrhoid flare-up.

Hermoval (oral pill): $23.72

Total spent so far: $23.72 CAD ($17.79 USD)

April 2017

The Hermoval doesn’t work, and thinking it’s still hemorrhoids causing my constipation, I buy Preparation H. I see a doctor at a walk-in clinic and he writes me a prescription for a hemorrhoid cream he says is “stronger than the over-the-counter stuff” and tells me to buy Metamucil. I cry over Easter weekend because my stomach is so distended. I see another doctor a few days later and he tells me to get more fiber.

Preparation H: $15.24

Prescription Cream: $10.10 (this was on my old insurance, so I’m not sure how much I saved, probably ~$20)

Metamucil: $22.59

Total spent so far: $71.65 CAD ($53.74 USD)

May 2017

I go away with my friends for the May long weekend and change my diet of smoothie bowls and salads for burgers and alcohol. My stomach and bowel movements momentarily return to normal?

Preparation H: $12.98

Total spent so far: $84.63 CAD ($63.47 USD)

June 2017

I’ve noticed that I have proper bowel movements the mornings after I drink alcoholic ciders.

Alcoholic Ciders: $13.40

Total spent so far: $98.03 CAD ($73.52 USD)

July 2017

I see a different walk-in clinic doctor who prescribes me Constella, a pill that fights constipation by increasing fluid in the digestive tract.

Constella: $45.60 (this was on my old insurance so I’m not sure how much I saved, but likely ~$300)

Preparation H and Laxatives: $26.23

Alcoholic Ciders: $5.90

Total spent so far: $175.76 CAD ($131.82 USD)

August 2017

I get my own doctor by having a coworker and her sister tell their doctor that I am their cousin who has just moved to the city. My new doctor tells me to buy laxatives.

Alcoholic Ciders: $10.60

Laxative: $13.55

Total spent so far: $199.91 CAD ($149.93 USD)

September 2017

I travel to the west coast to my friend Nathalie, and my stomach looks like I am carrying a child. We spend the weekend talking about our poops. Fun fact about Nathalie: in our youth, we went to Paris and thought it would be fun to poop in the washroom at every big attraction. Eiffel Tower? Pooped there. Arc de Triumph? Pooped there. Ohhh what I wouldn’t give to return to 2011!

Alcoholic Ciders: $22.80

Total spent so far: $222.71 ($167.03 USD)

October 2017

I change up hemorrhoid cream brands! I buy a pre & probiotic powder called “Regular Girl” that claims it’ll keep ya regular! I start on probiotics! My grandma tells me to try mineral oil! My aunt tells me to try molasses! I buy a detox tea for my bloat! I attend a “Banish Bloating: A Naturopathic Guide to Overcoming IBS” talk!

Anusol: $12.74

Probiotics and Regular Girl powder: $50.09

Detox Tea: $10

Mineral Oil: $10.16

Molasses: $4.19

Total spent so far: $309.89 CAD ($232.42 USD)

November 2017

Most of my spending this month was included in my grocery bill, so hard to say what exactly it was I spent it on. But we can all imagine it was prunes (recommended by a co-worker), rapini (recommended by my boss), and the ingredients for a great laxative fruit spread as given to me by my friend’s mom.

December 2017

Probiotics: $22.02

Anusol: $11.85

Total spent so far: $343.76 CAD ($257.82 USD)

January 2018

My apartment gets bed bugs this month, and for 4 days I’m so stressed and nervous all I do is drink coffee, eat no food, and stress poop a LOT. My stomach is finally not bloated for these 4 blissful, bug-filled days. My dad’s girlfriend saw a picture I posted of my abs and said if bed bugs will give her “a body like that” then she’d gladly take them.

Probiotics: $28.24

Regular Girl powder: $36.15

Total spent so far: $408.15 CAD ($306.11 USD)

February 2018

I have my first appointment with a Gastroenterologist. When I tell her I’ve been reading online and I think it may have something to do with bacteria in my gut she tells me, “Probably not. You’re probably just stressed.” She doesn’t want to see my months of notes. I get an ultrasound, give a stool sample, and have some blood taken.

March 2018

My doctor tells me to switch to an IBS specific probiotic. (Months later, my naturopath will say, “What?? Why did she tell you do go on that?? That’s for people who have diarrhea-prone IBS.”)

Align Probiotic: $45.19

Total spent so far: $453.34 CAD ($340.00 USD)

April 2018

I read that moringa powder has lots of fiber and iron.

Regular Girl powder: $28.92

Moringa powder: $7.55

Align Probiotic: $50.84

Total spent so far: $540.65 CAD ($405.49 USD)

May 2018

My ultrasound showed a small cyst on one of my ovaries, but apparently, they come and go with your menstrual cycle. I have a follow-up ultrasound, and the cyst is gone. I have a recital for my stand up comedy class and do a hot five minutes about how I always look like I’m pregnant. It’s a hard sell, though, because I was so nervous I pooped seven times that day. I debate making this my new career.

Align Probiotic: $41.82

Total spent so far: $582.47 CAD ($436.85 USD)

June 2018

Anusol: $14.11

Total spent so far: $596.58 CAD ($447.44 USD)

July 2018

Align Probiotic: $33.89

Total spent so far: $630.47 CAD ($472.85 USD)

August 2018

A new IBS product comes on the market! They are little capsules full of peppermint balls that you take 30 minutes before eating and are supposed to help with bloating. They work okay, but mainly just make any gas I pass have a minty tingle. I’ve included a hole-in-the-wall dumpling restaurant in this month because I immediately get diarrhea after and I’ve never been so excited.

IBS Gard: $40.67

Dumpling House: $15

Total spent so far: $686.14 CAD ($514.61 USD)

September 2018

I see a naturopath for the first time, and she thinks I might have SIBO (small intestinal bacterial overgrowth) and wow BIG SURPRISE, I do!! She also recommends a product called IBS Relief which is a guar gum based (fiber) powder to add to beverages. I literally go to another dumpling restaurant and hope I get diarrhea (I don’t).

Initial Naturopath Appt: $205 (fully covered by insurance, so $0)

SIBO Test: $150

Align Probiotics: $63.27

IBS Relief: $15.81

Meet Dumplings: $15.58

Total spent so far: $930.80 CAD ($698.10 USD)

October 2018

My doctor refuses to prescribe me the antibiotic my naturopath says can help kill the SIBO. Because of this denial, I have to take the naturopath cure. Sadly, naturopathic pills aren’t covered by insurance. I finish my food journal and have to buy some new ones.

Naturopath Appt: $80 (fully covered by insurance, so $0)

Bio Film (pill): $64.35

LIVCO (pill): $53.10

New food journals: $15.75

IBS Relief: $15.81

Total spent so far: $1,079.81 CAD ($809.86 USD)

November 2018

My naturopath gives me a bunch of pills. After December, I will do two weeks of liver pills, then 2 weeks of 3 pills, then 2 weeks of another 3 pills, then 2 weeks of another 3 pills to hopefully eradicate the SIBO.

Naturopath Appt: $80 (fully covered by insurance, so $0)

Naturopathic Pills: $131.59

IBS Relief: $15.81

Total spent so far: $1,227.21 CAD ($920.41 USD)

December 2018

I see another GI who tells me to get celiac testing done. She also writes me a prescription for the SIBO antibiotic (which I haven’t filled yet, as it’s about $500 and not covered by insurance) and for Constella. I get acupuncture for digestion.

Celiac Test: $60

Preparation H: $11.76

Naturopath Appt: $80 (fully covered by insurance, so $0)

Initial Acupuncture Appt: $110 (fully covered by insurance, so $0)

Total spent so far: $1,298.97 CAD ($974.23 USD)

January 2019

Come mid-Jan I have finished 8 weeks of naturopathic pills and start on a 30-day SIBO elimination diet.

IBS Relief: $15.81

Vita Aid (pills): $63.22

Naturopath Appt: $25 ($55 was covered by insurance)

Total spent so far: $1,403 CAD (1,052.25 USD)

February 2019

The re-introductory period has my stomach freaking out with bloat again.

Naturopath Appt: $80 (fully covered by insurance, so $0)

Acupuncture: $65 (fully covered by insurance, so $0)

Vita Aid (pills) $63.22

Constella: $11.99 ($354.73 was covered by insurance)

Total spent so far: $1,478.21 CAD ($1,108.66 USD)

March 2019

I am 18 days into reintroduction. My naturopath said if I relapse in the first 6 days, it’s a sign the SIBO is still there, but if it happens from day 7 onwards, it may be a FODMAP intolerance. I meet with her again in a few days and we’ll figure out phase 2. I am attending the inaugural event for a Toronto-based gut health instagram (@thegutgazette) where we will do some mediation and movement for digestion.

Gut Gazette: $43.45

IBS Relief: $31.62

Total spent to date: $1,553.28 CAD ($1,166.06 USD)

I have become the kind of person who talks about my digestion and my bowel movements loudly and proudly. Almost every time I mention my problems, someone (whether I know them or not) turns to me to confide that they have been having some stomach/poop issues lately. Why are we all keeping this a secret! Why are we suffering behind closed doors!! Ladies! Be loud and proud of your gut issues. Hopefully, you don’t find yourself in a similar ordeal as me, but if you are struggling, reach out to someone. Mental health and gut health are so closely linked that if you’re feeling stressed then it’ll only serve to lengthen your recovery rate. After all, how are we going to be able to “trust our gut” if we don’t care for it?

Hailey is a homebody. Follow her social medias @hailmast.

Image via Unsplash

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Source: https://thefinancialdiet.com/an-exact-breakdown-of-the-1100-ive-spent-trying-to-cure-my-stomach-issues-over-the-past-2-years/

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turnupswritessometimes · 6 years ago

Text

The One With the Zombies - AshEiji - Ch13

Title: The One With the Zombies

Chapter: 13

Word Count: 4475

Description: Another what it says on the tin from me - it's a Zombie Apocalypse AU because how else could this anime/manga get any darker? Whilst on the run from the outbreak of zombies, reporters Ibe and Eiji stumble across a New York street gang, safely huddled in an abandoned warehouse. As if the undead weren't surprising enough, Eiji finds himself becoming closer and closer to the gang's leader, mysteriously dubbed Ash Lynx. But safety doesn't last forever and soon it's only Ash and Eiji. And they're up against more than just zombies.

Note: This is available on A03, and I would recommend you follow it there, as I remember to update it. I would post a link, but then Tumblr wouldn’t include it in search results.

Ash hadn’t given the car a backward glance.

Eiji did. He knew it was because they had different relationships with it. Eiji had his first kiss in the back of that car. Had said ‘I love you,’ for the first time in the back of that car. That meant he was sad to abandon it on the side of the interstate.

But they were out of gas. The next station wasn’t for miles and the last three they had passed had been bled dry. They were clearly on a popular route out of the country. Most people had already been and gone.

So now they were walking the rest, their backpacks full of water bottles and dry biscuits.

It was quite boring. To walk up the side of the interstate. There weren't any cars passing - nothing even in sight. Trees occasionally lined the edges of the road, but it was fields as far as the eye could see.

"I don't suppose anyone was a boy scout?" Max asked after a while.

"You're not going to start singing, are you?" Ash replied. His hand was in Eiji's. It was always in Eiji's. There was something missing when he wasn’t tangled up in that boy.

"Well, it would be embarrassing if you didn't join in. I'm just trying to pass the time."

"We could play 'I spy' again," Skip said.

That was met with groans. They ended up walking in silence for all of ten seconds. Max started humming, and eventually he was teaching Skip old chants and songs. It was cheesey and Ash rolled his eyes so hard he was sure they were going to go straight to the back of his skull.

But Eiji was smiling as he watched them and that was enough to keep Ash’s mouth shut. He was tired. There were dark circles under Eiji’s eyes. His hair was in a permanent bedhead and he had lost some of his glow. So it was nice to see him happy, because they had spent the last day and a half cooped up in a car, or standing on look out.

In Eiji’s case, holding a gun. Ash still had that moment imprinted in his mind. Eiji stood at his side asking – begging – to take some of the weight off of his shoulders. There was something inside him that wanted to give in. He was tired of the guilt and the nightmares and he honestly wasn’t sure how much longer he could carry it. Brittle. He was still brittle. But how could he share that? How could he let the maggots of guilt to carry over to Eiji as well?

Ash was trying to protect him – that was what he was telling himself. A smaller part of him knew that was stupid.

They stopped every few hours. Sitting on the side of the interstate and ate dry biscuits. They watched a group of zombies in the distance, stumbling across the fields like a group of sheep. It was easy to keep walking and lose sight of them, but it was harder to forget.

It was pitch black by the time they sat for the night, which meant it was the early hours of the morning. It was still summer and the bugs still screamed in the sweaty night. Eiji leant against Ash, or maybe Ash leant against Eiji. It was hard to tell. One of them was meant to stay awake and keep an eye out, but Ash felt himself drifting in and out of consciousness. It still felt as though he was walking, he could feel the ground moving under his feet even though they were sat still.

Peace Bridge came into sight the next day. Skip cheered and started running. Ash followed. He didn't have the energy to whoop with delight, but he could run. They were close. They were close to safety and even if they couldn't get through, there would be people. Humans.

Eiji ran too. This was freedom.

A voice through a megaphone stopped them in their tracks. An angry voice telling them not to come any closer.

They slowed to a halt, gravel skittering away from burning soles.

Max and Ibe were behind them. Jogging and coming to a stop next to them. Max's hand rested on Ash's shoulder, heavy and not and sweaty. But Max was old and out of shape, so Ash let it slide.

They watched and waited as a vehicle drove out towards them. There were armed men hanging out the windows, and as they got closer Ash saw the guns in their hands. He stepped in front of Eiji, a hand on Skip’s shoulder.

An armed guard got out, slamming the door as he did. “What’s your business?"

Max stood in front of them. His stance was set and he didn't even need to look back at Ash to get him to close his mouth.

"We'd like to cross. Get into Canada."

"Bit late on that, aren't you?"

"I didn't realise there was a time limit." There was a prickle in Max's voice. Ash wondered why he took the lead when he had just as much attitude.

"We're trying to keep the disease contained. We have no idea if you're carriers of it."

"Wouldn't we be a bit more, you know?" Max rolled his eyes upwards, sticking out his arms in a classic zombie impression.

"That's offensive," Ash said. "My best friend was a zombie."

"We need to get through the border." Max ignored him. "You can keep us in quarantine, whatever, but we need to get through."

"Everyone needs to get through."

"Look." It was Ibe who stepped forward. "We've had to walk all the way here from the city. We didn't even get out of there before we were pulled out of the car and mugged. We were mugged again on the road. We can't go on like this, we have to get to safety."

Max glanced at Ibe. He was quick to pick up the charade, putting his hand on Ibe's shoulder.

"That's right. All we wanted was a happy family vacation and now everything's gone wrong." He turned back to Ash with such an earnestly distressed face that Ash was too shocked to laugh. "I'm sorry, son. I know how much you were looking forward to this trip."

The guard sighed. "Lets get you up to customs. We'll check everything through there."

They had to walk. The vehicle crawling along beside them as if they were criminals. At least the air felt cooler, the Summer was starting to disappear and Ash was glad to see it go. A few more months and it would be winter. Maybe it would be cold enough to freeze those zombies then.

If that was even going to work. They were staking everything on myths now.

But if they got through to Canada - they could get somewhere else. Keep running as far as they could.

That was when he realised they had to get through. They absolutely had to. Ash had to leave the country, and he was even willing to pretend Max Lobo was his dad to get it.

"So, where are you folks from?" the man didn't ask as if it was a friendly conversation. It felt like a test.

"Ohio." Max didn't miss a beat.

"You don't sound like you're from Ohio."

"I lived in the city for a long time."

"What about your kid?" The man glanced over at Ash.

"Must have picked it up from him," Ash said. "Along with crap DIY skills."

"And horrendous fashion sense," Max said.

Ash glared. Eiji laughed. Which made it hard to keep glaring, because he wanted nothing more than to kiss Eiji until he was breathless.

But they had reached the customs office at last. They were lead through to a desk, a clerk sat behind a pane of glass on the other side.

That was when Ash recognised the rooms other occupant. He looked different - smaller and younger than ever. His hair was a mess and there were dark circles under his eyes. But it was still Yut Lung.

"Yut Lung," Ash said out loud. Kind of just to check, kind of because he couldn't believe it.

It caught Eiji's attention. Ash could practically see his hackles raise.

"You?" He snapped. "You're the one who-"

He was halfway through the room before Ash caught hold of his elbow. Even though part of him was ready to see Eiji throw a punch, this wasn't the place for it.

"Eiji," Ash hissed, because the guard was looking at them and the woman behind the counter seemed shocked.

They had certainly got Yut Lung's attention. He stared at them with dark eyes.

"Ash Lynx," he said. "No offence, you look like shit."

"Speak for yourself." Ash was still holding Eiji back. He knew his face was neutral. Stony. Part of him wanted to let that drop. Sixteen, he remembered. This kid is sixteen.

"You sold us out! You're the reason Shorter - you're the reason Shorter's dead!"

Yut Lung didn't look fazed. "You can take me outside and shoot me if you want."

The guard's head whipped around then. "Excuse me!"

"Relax," Ash said. He still had a tight grip on Eiji's shoulder. "No one's shooting anyone."

"How are you okay with this?" Eiji turned to Ash, his brow furrowed. He could practically see the tears forming in his eyes.

"Because," Ash said, his eyes meeting Yut Lung's. Because he understood. He understood perfectly. But that was something that was hard to explain to Eiji. He loved him to pieces, but Eiji had never had to struggle to survive. "He did what he had to to survive. Right?"

"And look where it got me." The boy looked away from them, long dark hair falling in front of his face. "I should have gone with you."

"You didn't know if we'd even make it past the gate."

"I should have gone."

"Come on." Ash stepped past Eiji, sitting down next to Yut Lung. It suddenly struck him how much effort that was - how tired he was. Every single muscle ached. The muscles in his legs were actually shaking from the strain. "We're pretty, but we're not stupid. It was a good deal."

"Not without you." Yut Lung's head was on his chest, but his eyes sought out Ash's from beneath dark strands. "You're the only thing he really cares about, you know."

So that was why. Ash had guessed sabotage. Had guessed it was the usual backhand to climb the way to the top. But now it made more sense. Ash couldn't leave. The top couldn't leave because then the whole thing would crumble.

Regret wasn't the right word. But pity - just for Yut Lung and the other boy's, that was the right one.

"He’s not here?" Ash’s world suddenly tightened around him. Closed in so it was just the three of them and he felt trapped. He had to leave. Get out. Just find some fresh air. He was aware of Max and Ibe at the desk, both talking and arguing over each other. Trying to get their story straight without having any IDs or passports. Trying to explain that Eiji had come over from Japan to visit Ash and that was why he didn’t sound American – that their papers had been stolen.

“Is he fuck.” Yut Lung shook his head. “He got bored. I figured I’d try getting away from it all, but –“

“You’re under eighteen.” Ash had considered it in the past. Running. But he’d need a relative to get him anywhere, and that had never been an option.

Yut Lung smiled. A cow resigned to the slaughterhouse. “My brother is going to pick me up.”

“And then?”

He leant forward slightly, that smile still on his face. “What do you think? Ash Lynx?”

Ash hadn’t thought anything of the movement. On some level, he’d recognised it as performative – testing his reaction and everyone else’s in the office, because it might lead to survival. No one else was paying them any attention – no one except –

“Ash.” Eiji’s face was stony. His jaw and brow were set and there was a fire in his eyes Ash had never seen before. Despite himself – despite everything, his stomach leapt. “You can’t forgive him. Not after Shorter.”

It was something he’d never be able to understand, Ash realised, opening his mouth to try to explain to Eiji anyway. He could have done the same. It wouldn’t have taken much for him to have sold someone else to keep his own skin safe.

But it was that moment that Max lost his temper. He smacked on the glass of the counter, the sound echoing through the room under his shout.

“For fuck’s sake – it’s the fucking apocalypse! Have a little fucking compassion!”

Ash realised a few things at the same time. The first was there was no way they were getting through to Canada. The second was that this scene would attract attention – would be reported to the wrong people – New York wouldn’t be safe. The third was that Yut Lung wasn’t getting through either. Yut Lung was going back, and Ash knew that was worse than any apocalypse.

“This is your second chance,” he said to Yut Lung, before standing and grabbing Eiji’s arm. Too tight, he knew, he saw the wince of surprise cross Eiji’s face. “Plan B, sweetie.”

The nickname softened Eiji. The anger gave way to determination and he nodded at Ash, ready to follow him. That boy would follow him anywhere and he loved him for that. With every part of him, he loved that. And yet it terrified him.

When Ash had met Eiji, he’d been holding a camera. He had been timid and quiet, but sweet and funny and polite. A normal, well-mannered boy thrown in over his depth.

It was hard to believe that this was the same boy pulling a pistol from his waistband and yelling for everyone to “freeze!”

He did it in the same moment that Ash darted forward, catching the armed guard in the stomach with his elbow and swinging his leg around just a moment later. The man fell heavily – he’d barely had a moment to respond, and Ash had the man’s own gun trained on him in the next moment.

Max and Ibe were staring at them in surprise. Skip was smiling at Ash, like a proud grandfather at his grandchild’s ballet performance. Watching Ash do what he was born to do. He caught Max’s eye – saw the man’s expression go from complete bafflement to a wide grin.

“Here’s the thing,” Ash snapped. “You’re not going to press that panic alarm. We’re going to get through to Canada. Then we can all continue with our lives.”

“You really think I’m going to let you through because of brute force?” the woman behind the desk had her hands in the air, at least, even if she had a face thunder.

“Eiji, shoot the glass.”

A tiny hole appeared in it, about two feet to the left of the woman’s head, but enough to send cracks running across it like a ship splintering after hitting an ice burg. Ash’s own gun was trained on the guard, his eyes daring the man to fight him. And whilst he was glaring back at Ash, he had made no move to get off of the floor. They had the element of surprise here – no one expected five weary, tired people to be armed. They hadn’t expected a fight.

“We’re going through,” Ash repeated. Max was opening up the doors through to the bridge and he could feel the wind rustle his hair. It was enough to mention Golzine’s company. To say that they would be very upset if they knew that Ash and Yut Lung were gone from the country.

When the woman asked why, it was enough for Ash to smirk and ask “do you really want to find out?”

And then they were gone, slamming the door behind them and walking on the pedestrian part of Peace Bridge. An ironic name, considering Ash and Eiji still had their fingers on the trigger.

“So our leader still is in there, after all,” Skip said. He looked sideways and Ash with that smug smile on his face.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ash asked.

“Only that lately the lynx had been turned into more of a tame pussycat.”

Ash had him in a headlock in the next moment. “How’s this for a tame pussycat?”

Skip paused, his tiny hands on Ash’s arm and one eye closed as Ash rubbed his knuckles through Skip’s curly hair. “You used to scare me a lot more.”

“Uh, kids? Can we save the rough and tumble for when we’re safe?” Max asked.

Ash found himself laughing as he released Skip, his other hand back on his weapon. There was a high after the hold up and he knew it was dangerous. They were nowhere near out of the woods yet, but he was still running on pure adrenaline from it all.

Yut Lung was with them. Had chosen to follow Ash this time, though was being kept a few steps behind by Eiji’s glares. They kept walking, glancing over their shoulders for cars or soldiers or guns. It seemed the warning had been enough.

“You did great.” Ash nudged his hip against Eiji’s. “I knew there was a bad boy in you all along.”

Eiji’s mouth flickered upwards. “You weren’t so bad yourself.” But he was frowning again in the next moment. “I can’t believe you’re taking him with us.”

“Eiji, if it was reversed – could you imagine looking me in the eyes and letting me go back to that kind of life?”

“If it was reversed, you never would have sold anyone else out.” Eiji said.

"You think I'm a lot more honourable than I actually am."

"Or maybe you think you're a lot more dishonourable than you actually are."

"You really think I haven't thrown someone under the bus to get what I want?" Ash looked at him sideways. Let his fringe fall forward.

"At the cost of someone's life?" Eiji asked.

"He didn't know that would happen to Shorter."

"At the cost of someone's life, Ash?"

"Sometimes, yeah." He stopped, just for a moment. Stood close to Eiji - no closer than he normally wanted to be but this time it was different. This time he was using that inch or two he had over Eiji, was straightening his shoulder like a bear standing on his hind legs. It was that same level, he recognised that this was performative too. Just to see if Eiji's eyes would widen. If he would pale and never speak to Ash again. "That was my world, Eiji. I had a gang and I did what I had to."

Eiji didn't move. He stood his ground, met Ash's eyes in the same stubborn way he always did. Just stared at him with his mouth set.

He spoke quietly. Almost in the same tone Ash used when he was trying to be intimidating. "Look me in the eye and tell me you wouldn't have gone with us.”

Maybe Ash would have done. Ash probably would have done. But he hasn't let himself think of that because he knew what Eiji would have expected him to do. And that terrified him because there was still a chance that he wouldn't have done it.

"I wouldn't have," Ash whispered. "If I hadn't met you."

If Eiji had asked Ash to throw himself off of the bridge he would have done it without a second thought - it would have been worth it just to have seen Eiji's face in that moment. That was the moment that he knew he was gone. That he loved this boy violently. In the violent delights have violent ends kind of way.

But Ash was Ash, and it wasn't like he was the most mentally stable person to begin with.

Apparently all it took was a pair of dark eyes and he was ready to drink poison.

They got through the other side of customs by sheer luck. Eiji thought it had been anyway. All it had taken was Max explaining that they didn't have any papers, but that the other side had said it was fine. Had said to tell them up here that it was fine and "hadn't they received the message? Oh, all phones must be down in New York state."

Of course, that didn't mean it was easy on the other side. They were still separated, put through to different rooms and every bruise checked for teeth marks. Their eyes, ears, minds checked to be in sound and working order.

Eiji had visited Ellis island before the outbreak. This felt similar.

Only he itched. He itched to be back with Ash because how the he'll was he holding up under this? Because his eyes had been full of Greek fire on that bridge and Eiji had felt as if he would burst. He'd been tempted to tear their clothes off there, because he had to feel every inch of Ash's warm skin with his fingertips and absolutely had to have Ash hold him. To have Ash knew Eiji just as well as he knew himself.

Just thinking about it made him glow crimson.

And then there was the check in. For refugees. Refugees. They were refugees now. And Ash was putting his name down as Aslan Lobo, through it made him wince. They waited to be given a motel, somewhere to stay until they could start getting themselves back on their feet.

So they were sat on the other side of customs, in the corner on the floor and waited. They’d been given blankets. Some dry biscuits and water. Ash had tucked his blanket around Eiji’s without a word. They were sat a little away from Max and Ibe – Skip was sat in between them, teaching them how to load the pistol that Ash had been keeping in his jeans. They’d thrown the other two over the bridge before reaching the Canadian customs. Both men looked equal parts impressed and equal parts concerned. Yut Lung was sat further away from them. He hadn’t said a word since they had come through. That was fine with Eiji. He’d honestly been trying to ignore Yut Lung. Been trying to forget about his first fight with Ash.

But his eyes kept straying back. He knew he was glaring, pressing himself into Ash’s side like a cat.

“You really don’t like him, huh?” Ash murmured. His lips were in Eiji’s hair but Eiji didn’t move. He was daring Yut Lung to look over. Daring him to see.

“I don’t get why you’re so buddy-buddy with him,” Eiji replied. His head rested on his knees.

“I’m not. But I couldn’t leave him.” Ash said. His mouth found Eiji’s temple.

“Did you see the way he was acting with you?”

Ash paused. Froze, really, and Eiji could hear the smile in his voice as he asked, “Eiji Okumura, are you jealous?”

It was Eiji’s turn to stiffen. He leant back slightly, and could feel the pout on his face as he looked away from Ash. Couldn’t look at Ash.

“He looked like he was about to kiss you,” Eiji mumbled, his fingers playing with the edge of the blanket. It wasn’t what he wanted to say. It was a lot cuter and a lot more jealous than what he was going to say. He knew that – he knew Ash thought he was cute and it wouldn’t hurt to play up to that just once, because he didn’t want the alternative. The alternative would darken the mood, would make Ash frown and swallow and struggle to find the answer.

The alternative was: did you have sex with him?

And it was an asshole question. Eiji knew that. If they had, it would have been complicated. It would have been out of their hands and would have been generally unpleasant for both of them. He knew it was the kind of question that Ash would say ‘I don’t want you to know that,’ in response to. He knew he didn’t really want to know the response either. Not really.

But he didn’t know if they’d ever get to that. That was fine – Eiji understood, understood completely, or was at least trying to understand. And now Yut Lung was here. Smiling at Ash like that.

And maybe Eiji was jealous. Maybe this was jealousy. He couldn’t remember feeling jealous before. He wanted to think it was something else though – or something alongside it. It was difficult to explain and it wasn’t the sort of thing he wanted to bring up now.

Now that they were safe. Almost. So close to having a bed underneath them and a new start.

And whilst Ash was chuckling like that, and peppering Eiji’s cheeks in kisses until he couldn’t help but smile back, it didn’t matter. He would make sure it didn’t matter.

“Well, I’m only interested in kissing one person,” Ash said. He pressed his forehead against Eiji’s, pulling them even closer in the blanket. “Because I love them.”

It didn’t matter, but that didn’t mean that Eiji wasn’t going to be a little shit about it. He turned away, still trying to be aloof, even though his heart was racing. Even though there were still images flashing in his mind that he wanted to erase.

“Why don’t you go sit with him, then?”

“Eiiiijiiii,” Ash drew his name out, kissing the side of Eiji’s face until he was laughing again, half-heartedly pushing Ash away from him.

“What? Ash?”

“You know I love you.”

“Do I know that?”

Ash caught his chin then, with deft fingers. Turned Eiji around so that he had no choice but to look into those cat’s eyes. His heart was pounding. This. This was the Ash Lynx who left him completely breathless.

“I love you, Eiji Okumura.”

Eiji found himself smiling – found himself melting, under that gaze. “I’ll never get tired of hearing you say it.”

Maybe that was how he knew. That this wasn’t normal love. It was something more.

“I love Eiji Okumura.”

“I love Ash Lynx.”

“Mmm.” It sounded like Ash was purring. He kissed Eiji, the same kind of painfully slow kiss as the first one. The same kind that had their teeth pulling at their lips and even with their mouths open, even with their faces pressed against each other, they still weren’t close enough.

No, it wasn’t a normal love. Eiji had never got that kind of undying love.

But he had never thought zombies would be a thing either.

#asheiji #banana fish #the one with the zombies #eiji okumura #ash lynx

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