#( ic ask ; jo campbell )

[feveredblurs]

❛ i know you go through life with your fists held tight. you see yourself as a fighter. well, i see myself as one too. this is how i fight. ❜ ( chrissy to jo in grishaverse )

@apaise

from the moment they stepped foot on the ship, every fiber in jo told her not to trust sturmhond. she had a reputation as a ruthless captain, stopping at nothing to reach her goal. by all means, it was not a bad trait to have in a teammate – but how could jo believe sturmhond was truly in their corner? for all she knew, the other might switch sides at the drop of a hat for a rich buyer looking for the sun summoner.

jo didn’t have anything to offer in the end. salvation for ravka? she had no interest in getting dragged into the darkling’s business. history may call her selfish in years to come, but she would not risk her life – or more importantly, will’s – for a fate she did not ask for, for a nation that has never done anything for them.

“ i don’t see how this plan is supposed to help us. ” in her eyes, sturmhond was brash and took unnecessary risks – but she also had a crew who trusted her with their lives. clearly she was doing something right. “ but... i am willing to see where it goes, ” jo concedes, the bite in her tone dying out with every word.

“ i’m electing to trust you for once. ” every last bit of theatrics and cunning and charm. it was a battle tactic in its own right; perhaps even more effective than jo's armor. “ don’t prove me wrong. ” please. she was the last hope they had.

[shoshiwrites]

10 & 23 for the writer asks? 💕

This got uh. Waaaay too long.

10. Has a piece of writing ever “haunted” you? Has your own writing haunted you? What does that mean to you?

I am honestly not sure what it means to me, or at least I am not sure I could describe it in words.

I find it hard to separate writing that’s haunting because of some element of the style itself, from writing that’s haunting because it describes something haunting (probably explains why I am haunted by Wikipedia pages and old homemade websites in all honesty). 

Usually I would say, quotes/passages that continue to pop into my head regardless of whether or not I’ve consciously decided to revisit them. 

Off the top of my head, and I am 100% forgetting things:

Summer Solstice and Midwest Eclogue by Stacie Cassarino.

The beginning of Shadow Divers by Robert Kurson where he talks about the dangers of diving and how divers can become disoriented and lost exploring a wreck. I read this in the library of a B&B in Vermont probably 15 years ago and still think about it so. 

There’s a passage in Susan Campbell Bartoletti’s Growing Up in Coal Country about the breaker boys inventing their own sign language that I think about at least once a week.

The portions of Daniel James Brown’s The Boys in the Boat that talk about Joe Rantz’s upbringing and that of his wife Joyce, and their relationship. Like I did cry and I want to cry again every time I think about it.

Easy Company Soldier by Donald Malarkey. It’s been a long time since I’ve had a reread but - mainly the passages where he talks about Oregon, and about Joe Toye. You can never say I am unpredictable. 

Résistance by Agnès Humbert. I went through a period in high school of reading and rereading this book a lot which…idk what to make of that, tbh. It’s very heavy and very…good, which is probably an inappropriate adjective for a memoir that includes the author’s experiences of being enslaved by the Nazis. There’s a portion of the epilogue (?) or introduction (I think? Or possibly even a footnote) by Barbara Mellor that talks about the fate of the fighters imprisoned at Fort Mont-Valérien that I still think about.

By that same token, Martha Gellhorn’s writing on similar horrors, and that is definitely for her style as well as the facts of what she’s describing.

In terms of being haunted by my own writing, I would say…sometimes? It’s usually really wrapped up in the research I might be doing for, getting immersed? Also definitely tied to the sort of pandemic atmosphere/time when I wasn’t working and my days were very unstructured and it was summer and very easy to get lost in things. I would say the reincarnation/disaster AU which I’m sure is very surprising. Just lots of ideas swirling around and reading about awful things and that landscape. Other than that, I can’t really think of another piece? Possibly the first scene I wrote of Jo and Frankie together, but that was more of a fever dream, have-to-get-it-on-the-page vibe rather than a haunting. Possibly these are the same??

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

I…am very variable in where I write, which is usually one of several spots around the house — the living room mostly, or my room, or our “guest room” aka home office/home gym/storage area/it has an old armchair that I like and no one else in the family does. The constants are usually: a glass of water on the side table and the remains of an iced coffee beverage, pillows and/or blankets, natural light if I can (though my room is not the place for that), terrible posture, and I am usually in comfy clothes if not in my actual pajamas. 

If I’m in the living room or guest room the TV is usually on low, sometimes with a writing playlist on Spotify (yes I have both on at the same time) but it really depends — sometimes I do just the music, sometimes I need silence.

[mysticmegaraofficial]

A Sham Psychic || Ben & Meg

TIMING: Present. LOCATION: Coffee Plus PARTIES: @professorbcampbell & @mysticmegaraofficial SUMMARY: A ‘psychic’, a cultist, and a spirit walk into a bar.. CONTENT: Body Horror Mentions, Grief Mentions

Looking around the tables of Coffee Plus, Ben settled in his usual corner of the shop with a book and a tall iced coffee. The weather had been unseasonably warm lately, which had put an unfortunate damper on his prospects. Not many people were interested in sitting in a Coffee Shop in the middle of summer. But, he’d keep an eye out anyways. Shifting in the seat that was just a bit too small for his wide frame, Ben looked around at the other patrons with an appraising eye. A woman sipping coffee as she read the newspaper, a young man who looked quite fidgety as he waited for his espresso, and-- Ben’s eyebrows creased together as he took in the woman who was… doing fortune telling? In the corner of Coffee Plus of all places? Whatever she was saying clearly had some kind of an affect on the person she was talking to. Ben watched her, analyzing the way she spoke, the way her eyes moved. A hack. A sham. Incredible, even in White Crest, there were people trying to play the part of the psychic.

Ben watched and waited until the client had slid a crumpled twenty across the table and walked away, visibly shaken. Interesting, interesting. Smiling to himself, Ben took his coffee cup and strolled across the shop towards the woman. “Hello there. Are you doing… fortune tellings?”

“Are you sure?” Jolie’s quiet voice was hard to hear, her shaking hands clasped around her to-go coffee cup. Meg felt sorry for her. Losing a partner so soon after marriage must be one of the hardest things someone could go through. Pierce’s spirit stood over her, disfigured and sad, but mostly full of concern for his wife.

Meg hadn’t planned on doing any readings in Coffee Plus this afternoon. She had just settled down at a corner table when tear stricken Jolie and her ghost husband approached her. Jolie was, apparently, a fan. Please, she said, I’m so lost. Admittedly, Meg usually charged for impromptu readings since she wasn’t keen on using her downtime to do her job. That said, she didn’t charge Jolie anything. This woman wasn’t an excited fan eager to meet a celebrity, this was someone in a lot of pain. Besides, Meg always had a soft spot for crying women anyway.

“I’m sure,” Pierce said. “I just want Jo to be happy. I don’t… I want her to process her grief, and move on. And to look back on our memories together with fondness.”

An emotionally mature ghost was a godsend for Meg. She reached across the table and gripped Jolie’s hand. “I’m sure,” she said, softening her voice. This wasn’t on television, so it didn’t need a big finish. “I see happiness in your future. You’re going to succeed in writing. Publish the novel you’re writing. And even if you don’t form a better relationship with your mother, you will still be happy.” Pierce had very helpfully provided those details for her.

“But --”

Meg smiled at her. “I know it must be difficult for you -- I mean, picturing a life without the one you love? But I can sense Pierce. He longs for you to go through the tunnel of grief and come out the other side. It won’t be okay today or tomorrow and the sadness you feel may never go away completely, but the pit of grief and sadness will shrink so you don’t fall in every time.”

“You’re sure?” Jolie asked. “Do you really see success and happiness?”

Meg nodded. “I do. I promise.”

In the end, Jolie walked away sniffling. She seemed calmer though, not quite at peace and not quite okay, but satisfied with what Meg gave her. Pierce gave her a nod, and followed after her, and both disappeared through the exit of the coffee shop. Meg relaxed a little, and considered grabbing her book from her purse when someone else approached her.

She glanced at the man, taking a sip of her coffee. “Psychic readings,” she corrected. “Fortune telling is a different sort of art. But no -- well, yes. Technically. This was an…” Meg paused, tapping her cheek as she tried to think of the right description. “Fantastic coincidence, me and that woman both being here at the same time.” Meg smiled at him.

“Anyway, were you just curious, or were you looking for a reading?” Meg gestured to the empty chair across from her that Jolie vacated. “I wouldn’t mind company either way.”

Ben hadn’t paid much attention to the woman who had left, but he caught a glimpse of her wiping her eyes as she left the shop. Clearly, whatever this hack had said must have struck a nerve in her. A very emotional one. But how? There was always a trick with these things. Ben had seen a great many things, met a great many creatures that could masquerade as almost human. He was familiar with the werewolves that howled in the night and the vampires who leeched life from the residents of town. But he knew there were no such things as psychics or mind readers. Otherwise, his family would have been found out long ago. Arching a brow in the appearance of interest, Ben asked, “Psychic readings? What exactly does that sort of thing entail?”

A fantastic coincidence. What that meant, Ben had no idea in the slightest. “You know, you’ve piqued my curiosity. If you don’t mind, I’d love to have one done.” And see if I can uncover this sham.

Meg examined him, making sure to keep her face friendly and open as he took the spot across from her. A part of her wanted to make the man cough up cash payment for a reading, but she technically offered and it wouldn’t be fair to charge him anything when her previous guest hadn’t been charged a dime. “I’m so thrilled I’ve managed to pique your interest, ” Meg said. “A psychic reading is … Well, in layman’s terms an attempt to discern information about your past and how it’ll affect your future with my gift -- my heightened perspective of being able to look through the fabric of time and space.”

She reached to take a sip of her iced coffee right when she felt the presence enter the coffee shop. Her stomach sank, brief flashes of the last time an unexpected spirit came into this establishment. Not a great memory for her or anyone else who had been here that day. It wasn’t a poltergeist, though. Meg watched as the girl dressed in fashion Meg herself wore in high school phased through the wall, floating over to their table to examine them, taking her place behind the man. Was this his ghost? Or was she just being a spirit medium magnet again?

“Of course,” Meg continued, “I do have to give you a warning.”

The spirit made eye contact with her, and Meg raised her eyebrows slightly.

“Hello,” the girl said. “You… can see me?”

Meg gave the slightest incline of her head. An unfamiliar expression flashed across the girl’s face.

“... This is Benjamin Campbell. Everyone calls him Ben.”

Meg continued speaking to Ben.  “I do real psychic readings - I’m not going to tell you what I think you want to hear. I’m going to tell the truth. And you may not like it.” She was taking a risk with her next question. The ghost may be lying, or producing old information hoping she would fail. Meg was fine with taking risks. “Will that be alright, Mister Campbell? Or do I have permission to call you Ben?”

Ben made himself comfortable in the seat across from the woman, his expresison politely neutral and open as he listened to her prattle on about how she could look through the veil of time and space. As if she could do such a thing. Zombies, vampires, demons, gremlins, and horrifying creatures that could steal the faces of his colleagues? Of course they existed. Psychics? People claiming to peel back the void? Utter garbage. There were no such people, or else His Lord would have warned him. Hrvsht’ooooor had offered all kinds of advice to the Campbells over the years, whispering the ways to avoid detection, describing the sort of creatures who were unfit to be sacrificed to him. Like the walking garbage disposal that Ben had an unwilling alliance with. Psychics did not exist, plain and simple.

Taking a sip from his coffee, Ben watched with mild interest as the woman seemed to stare not at him, but past him. She really was keeping up with this whole act of seeing past the unseen, wasn’t she? Resisting the urge to roll his eyes at her words, Ben smiled instead. “I think I can handle the truth.” He said with a shrug. When he said his name, Ben raised an eyebrow. “You may call me Ben. I hope you don’t think that’s enough to impress me though.” He said, turning the plastic cup of his ice coffee to show the hastily scrawled “Ben” on the side. “And my family is quite well known around town.”

Meg grinned as he turned the coffee cup towards her. Really, she should have caught that, even without the spirit lingering over his shoulder. “You’ll have to forgive me when I say my goal isn’t to impress you,” Meg said with a flippant wave of her hand. “Too many psychics like myself spend far too much time trying to impress people with their gifts -- trying to make people believe them. People will believe whatever they want, regardless of what I say or do. So I just give the truth, and let people take what they will from that.” Still she clapped her hands together. “Fantastic. There are many people who can’t handle the truth. You may call me Meg, by the way.”

“I remember his mother,” the girl said suddenly, and Meg fell silent to listen to the secrets she whispered. His mother. His job. Meg smiled.

“Your mother worked in the front office at the high school.  Before my time, of course, but she always had cookies on the table for the kids. Nice lady, everyone loved her.” Meg sipped her coffee. “And you -- work at the college now, right? I suppose I should have said Professor Campbell. Forgive me.”

The woman brushed away the obvious dig with a nonchalant wave of her hand, making Ben’s grin only grow wider. Not in mirth, but in irritation. She was really going to keep up this charade? These sort of scams were just that-- scams. There were tricks, there were ploys, there was subterfuge abound. But he had to admit that her dedication to the act was something else. “Meg. Charming to meet you.” He said with a nod, before taking a sip from his coffee. He watched her expression intently. She wasn’t looking off into space like she had been before, but he could see the slight way her pupils dilated as though she’d been struck with something--

At the mention of his mother, Ben offered a nod. “Yes, my mother did. She also enters the annual bake off every year and, again, we’re quite well known in town. If you know me, you know my mother.” He said with a blasé expression on his face.

Oooh, he didn’t believe a single word she was saying. Amusement grew in Meg, a little more than it should. She was, in fact, a fake psychic with some otherworldly capabilities, so it wasn’t exactly offensive when people could see the actual truth. More often than not, their disbelief was rooted in the special kind of place lots of White Crest citizens resided. “It’s a pleasure,” she confirmed. She leaned back in her chair, nodding along at the information he willingly gave to her. “No wonder all the kids loved her then. You must have great taste in baked goods.”

“He doesn’t believe you,” the girl said, frowning. The spirit seemed far more upset by this than Meg was. Meg was already calculating exactly who Ben was -- rather, making generalizations about his character from his attitude, body language, and the information she had, and was ready to continue on with her reading when the spirit offered her something more.

“You loved to learn -- I mean, you’d have to, if you’re a Professor. But only in the subjects you find interesting. You’re not a Professor of Physics, hm? I see your past -- you making your physics lab partner do all the work for your project. Stellar grade, that A+. A shame Wyatt had to share it with you - naughty.” Meg said teasingly. It was all in good fun, of course. Meg herself had definitely bribed her sister into doing some work for her when they were younger, just like Meg had posed as Willow on request to break up with her boyfriend because she was too scared to do it. Children were funny.

Crossing one leg over the other, Ben leaned back in the chair, his considerable bulk pressing against the back of the thin chair as he regarded the woman. Meg. Her name seemed familiar, but he couldn’t place it. And he certainly didn’t recognize her. She’d confirmed that she was younger than him-- his mother had retired a year after he’d graduated high school, having no other reason to remain in the school district now that her sons were no longer a part of the system. Which meant she was a local. She wasn’t just some drifter who had set up shop in White Crest, drawn by the peculiarities of the town. “My mother’s spoiled me on them, that’s for certain.” He said coolly.

Ben kept his eye trained on Meg’s face as she next spoke. There was something off about this whole thing. She didn’t know this information off the top of her head. It was almost like she was being fed it, like someone was telling her. Ben’s forehead wrinkled in a frown at the woman’s next assertion. What? Physics? He’d taken that class over two decades ago, he couldn’t be bothered to remember every peer he extorted. Of course, he had a feeling it was true, but she didn’t need to know that. “I can’t say I remember that. You’ll have to excuse me, but high school was over twenty years ago for me. I have no idea who Wyatt is.”

“Mother’s do tend to do that,” Meg agreed, her easy smile still on her face. I can’t say I remember that. Possibly the truth, especially if high school was twenty years in the past for him. Meg quietly cheered to herself. She was younger than him. High School was what? Fifteen years for her. She knew that eye cream she bought did wonders for her. Before she could continue on, the spirit spoke again, her flash of anger causing the lights to flicker ever so slightly. Meg crossed her legs, leaning forward on her elbows as the spirits whispers floated to her ears.

“Wyatt Miller, he was one of your teammates from when you played Football. I think he was the one who… What was it? Fumbled the ball during the state championship?” Meg’s smile widened. She was actually enjoying this reading quite a bit. Benjamin didn’t seem like he was exactly pleasant, and she found just a tiny bit of joy knowing she was right about everything she was saying. “You threw your helmet at him. Chucked it even, you were so angry… It was scary.” Meg echoed the spirit, head tilting to the side. “Are you an angry person, Benjamin? When things don’t go your way? You should watch your temper. You never know when it could get you into trouble.”

Ben was about to respond when he noticed the way the lights in the coffee shop began to flicker. What was that? A trick of the light or just some theatrics? This woman must have a friend on the inside, someone who was manipulating the lights in the back of the store to make it seem as though she had some kind of “power.” How else would they be doing that. And, as the woman spoke up once more, Ben knew that she had to have an informant. Someone from his high school days. Someone with a keen memory, or maybe just a vendetta against him.

Ben kept his expression pleasantly amused as his mind raced. Who was she? And more importantly, who was her informant? Who was telling her these things about him? Because, if they had as long a memory as it seemed, they would need to be dealt with swiftly. He couldn’t have his high school antics coming back to haunt him, not when he was so focused on his goal. If this wasn’t a public place, if this woman wasn’t… visible. Oh, he would love to watch her bleed for Hrvsht’ooooor. Not die, that was an honor she wasn’t worthy of. But bleed and beg and suffer for Him? Ben would love to see that. Instead, he stood up with a shake of his head, chuckling. “High school emotions run high. Teenage emotions. Everyone gets a little out of hand at that age.” He said with a rueful expression on his face. “I shudder to think what life would be like if we were to judge everyone on their highschool personas.” He said before casting a shrug in her direction. “Tell your friend, or whoever told you about me, that I’d love to meet them. It’d be nice to catch up on old times.”

He seemed amused, which kept the light airy talk between them. Ben clearly didn’t believe her, and it was almost funny watching him wash everything off as typical high school antics. “That’s true, I suppose. Too much testosterone and puberty,” Meg said. But she couldn’t help the cheeky grin that came across her face as she finally leaned back in her chair, reaching down to pull out the book she was reading. “You’re ending the reading early,” she told him. “Why? Are you afraid I’ll find a secret you don’t want anyone to find out about? Are you hiding something you don’t want me to see?” The question was innocent enough and left unanswered. Meg laughed under her breath, shaking her head as she opened her book to continue where she left off the previous night.

“He’s not my friend,” the spirit said suddenly, and Meg looked up, brows furrowed. She had forgotten the girl was there. The girl wasn’t looking at her anymore though, she was looking in the direction Ben had walked off towards. After a moment, the spirit turned and walked away from the table. She didn’t seem interested in Meg at all. She was going to call out to her, but the second she caught sight of her back, Meg’s voice caught in her throat.

The girl’s spine and back of her rib cage were pried open, sticking out every which way. Translucent organs stuck out, unseen from the front. Meg was never a great at anatomy, but she was pretty sure the only thing missing were the girl’s lungs. Meg’s eyes narrowed, and she couldn’t help but glance off in the direction Benjamin went.

A coincidence, surely. Right?

[agj1990]

Josephine Campbell

Summary: I’ve seen a ton of stories about a Winchester daughter/sister/wife etc. But I had another idea. In this story, after her parents die, Mary and John have to work together and take care of Mary’s much younger sister (Mary is 19 and Josephine, called ‘Joey’ or ‘Jojo’, is 3 at the start of the story). 

1973

Mary was completely lost.

John was at work, and three-year-old Joey had been crying all day. She'd cried at breakfast time because she didn't like her pancakes. She'd cried at naptime because she didn't want to go to sleep. She'd cried when waking up because she was hungry. She'd cried when Mary had lost her patience, and then cried when Mary apologized.

Had Joey been able to tell Mary what was really wrong with her, it would've just made her big sister feel worse. Joey was confused. Where was Mommy? Mommy made her breakfast just the way she liked it. Mommy always rocked her at naptime and was there when she woke up to give her a hug. Mommy always had a snack ready when she woke up. Joey knew that Mary was trying, that she didn't mean to be mean and impatient with her, but it had been long enough. Mommy and Daddy both had been gone for days and days, and no one would tell her when they were coming back.

John knew something was wrong the second he walked inside. Mary's parents had been gone for two weeks, and he'd very reluctantly gone back to work that morning. John was grateful for his mother, allowing Mary and little Josephine to come and stay with them 'until they're back on their feet'. Joey had wrapped Millie around her little finger from day one, and John hoped it wouldn't break his mother's heart when the three of them eventually moved out. But his mother was out of town this weekend helping a friend that had just had surgery, so he and Mary were all alone.

Joey was sitting on the couch, holding her teddy bear and rubbing her red eyes, looking generally miserable. The TV was running on low, playing a Loony Toons rerun, but instead of laughing hysterically at Bugs Bunny as she generally did, Joey appeared to not even acknowledge it. John set his keys down on the end table next to the couch and took his seat next to Joey. Joey, who loved John and took every opportunity she could to climb him like a jungle gym, still sat silently.

"Hey, kiddo."

"Hey." Joey said quietly.

"You good? What's going on?"

"Nuffin."

"Yeah? It looks like something. Come on. Maybe I can help."

Joey, ever trying to be brave, looked up with tear-filled eyes and hitching breath. "I not good girl today."

"What are you talking about? You're the best kid in the whole world."

"Nuh uh. Not today."

"What'd you do today?"

"Cried a lot." Joey said. "Made Mawy mad at me."

"I bet she's not mad." John said. "It's okay to cry."

"Not it's not. I's big baby."

Mary had appeared in the doorway separating the kitchen from the living room. John could see the guilt etched on her face, but she shook his head. Let me take a stab at this.

"Is there a reason you were crying so much?"

"Yeah."

"Can you tell me what it is?"

"Want my mommy." Joey said quietly.

"What was that?" John asked.

"I wants my mommy." Joey said again. "Miss her."

John could see Mary visibly flinch at that. John hadn't said anything, and he didn't agree with it, but Mary had not been very clear with Joey about what had happened to Samuel and Deanna. She'd told the little girl that her mommy and daddy had 'gone up to heaven', but for a little kid whose mommy and daddy were gone on trips all the time, John knew it was a matter of time before she started asking questions.

"When she come back?" Joey asked.

"Jo…" Mary started to say, but John shook her off with a wave of his hand. Mary nodded again. Let me handle this for you.

"John? When Mommy and Daddy come back?"

"Listen, kiddo. I have to tell you something, and it's gonna be really hard to hear. But you trust me, right?"

"What trust mean?"

"I won't lie to you. You believe me, right?"

"Yeah."

"Kiddo, I'm sorry. Mommy and Daddy aren't gonna be coming back."

"How come?" Joey asked. "They not want me no more?"

"That is not it." John assured her, picking Joey up and putting her into his lap. "Mommy and Daddy couldn't help it, Joey. They didn't want to leave you, but it couldn't be stopped."

"They miss me too?"

"They sure do, kiddo. But here's the thing. You'll see them again one day."

"I will?"

"Sure."

"They's in heaven? They watch over me?"

"They will. Every single day." John promised. "But from now on, you gotta stay with me and Mary. Okay?"

"Okay. Joey be good girl."

"You are a good girl, kiddo. You just had a bad day today. Both of us forgive you."

Joey looked over to her sister, still standing in the doorway watching them. "I sorry I was bad today, Sissy."

"It's okay, Jojo." Mary said. "I guess I had a bad day too."

"I stay wif you and John?"

"Yeah, kiddo." John said. "You'll stay with me and Mary."

1979

John hadn't seen Joey so somber since the day six years earlier when he'd found her crying over her parents. The now third grader was sitting on the couch, picking at her nails as she waited out the twenty minutes until bedtime.

"Hey kiddo. You ready for bed?"

"Yeah."

"Uh oh. I know that look." John said. He took his seat next to her and asked, "What's on your mind?"

"Nothing."

"We really gonna go through that routine?" John asked.

Joey sighed. If she didn't answer John, he'd just hound her until she did. "I'm scared of the baby coming."

"Scared of what?"

"You guys are just gonna forget about me." Joey said.

"We're not gonna forget about you." John promised.

"Yeah, you will. I'm not even your kid."

"Hey! Don't say that."

"What? It's true."

"We couldn't forget about you even if we wanted to." John assured her. "And you are our kid. And if you want me to prove it, we can be having a different kind of talk if I catch you saying something like that again. Catch my drift?"

Joey flinched. John and Mary had both spanked her before, but not often and not enough that she feared admitting her mistakes to them. The unspoken house rule had become that if you told the truth, you didn't generally get in trouble. But when Joey looked at John, she saw nothing but love and concern there.

"Got it."

"Hey." John said, a little gentler. "I won't lie and say it won't be different with the baby here. But we're still here for you. You still gotta go to school, follow the house rules, we'll still do game nights, all that. Okay?"

"Okay." Joey said, finally relaxing. "Thanks."

"You're welcome, kiddo." John leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Want me to tuck you in?"

"You promise you won't stop that either? After the baby gets here?"

"As long as you want me too, I'll tuck you in at night. As long as you promise you won't forget what we talked about. Deal?"

"Deal."

"Go on up to bed. Tell your sister good night."

"Jojo?" Mary said, appearing from the kitchen and breathing deeply. "Go grab my bag from under the bed."

"Is it time?"

"It's time."

1983

Once again, her family had fallen completely apart.

Mary had been dead for six weeks. Christmas was coming, but Joey knew that John had done almost nothing to prepare for it. He left the house every night and came back smelling bad and talking funny. Taking care of four-year-old Dean and baby Sammy was now completely on her.

She'd tried to confront John about it one night, telling him that he had three kids who needed him now, he wasn't the only one hurting, and he needed to help her. The only thing she'd been left with as a result of her efforts was a red handprint on her cheek. The next morning, a regretful John had sat her down. He frowned when she flinched as he examined her cheek.

"Does it still hurt?"

"No." Joey lied.

John could tell she was lying, but he didn't call her on it. He handed her the ice pack he'd made. "Hold this to it."

Joey held the ice loosely to her cheek, looking in any direction but John's face. He was a stranger to her now, and she'd never felt lonelier than she did just then.

"Kiddo, please look at me."

Joey looked at him after taking a look at the sleeping Sam and Dean. Dean was keeping a tight hold on baby Sam, who was tightly sucking his thumb. For the first time in weeks, she saw a glimpse of the John she'd grown up with. He wasn't the angry, vengeful man that had been coming home every night since November third. He was the caring, loving man who'd been there nearly every night since she was two and a half years old. The same John who'd built a swing set for her, who taught her how to ride a bike, who'd taught her how to stand up to bullies in school but told her that she'd never have to do it on her own.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Joey said quietly.

"No. It's not. I'm sorry, and that won't happen again. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Look, I need to talk to you about something." John said. "I'm going after what killed Mary."

"Going after…What do you mean? Mary died in a house fire."

"No. She didn't, kiddo. That was more than a fire."

"What do you mean?" Joey asked. "Did you see something?"

"I can't really tell you."

"What do you mean you can't tell me?" Joey asked angrily. "She's my sister, I deserve to know."

"Please just trust me. I promise that one day I will tell you. But not now. I have to sort it out in my own head first. But I need your help."

"Help with what?"

"I'm gonna need a lot of help with Sam and Dean. Can you do that?" John asked.

"Sure. What about while I'm at school?"

"I'll figure that out." John promised. "But there's probably gonna be some afternoons after you get out of school that I'll be gone. I'll need you to make sure the boys get dinner, get a bath, and get to bed."

"I can do that."

"Good." John said, relieved. "Thank you, kiddo."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

Joey took a deep breath. She'd been thinking about this since long before Mary died, but now it felt right. John was the only family she had left.

"Can I call you Dad?"

A shocked John's mouth failed to work, refusing to do anything but go up and down.

"I've been thinking about it for a while. If you'd rather I didn't, it's okay, I won't, but…"

"I'd love that, kiddo. But only if you're sure."

"I'm sure." Joey said. "I love you…Dad."

"I love you too, kiddo."

[junker-town]

How the Canadian Women’s Hockey League fell apart

And what’s next for the future of women’s hockey.

Sami Jo Small believed that the 2018-2019 season would be a leap forward for her Toronto Furies. She was in her first year as a general manager, but had helped Canadian Women’s Hockey League 12 years prior, and played goaltender for the Furies for eight seasons. She knew the team could do great things.

So she dedicated herself to turning the Furies into one of the top programs in the league. She bought the players extra practice ice time, jackets, and more out of her own pocket. “I did all of those things knowing what I was getting myself into, and hoping that when it came time to seek out sponsors, that we would have created a product that people wanted to be a part of,” Small says.

She also brought on a new head coach, former player Courtney (Birchard) Kessel, to lead a team that had 14 new players on it. While the Furies had a rough start, they finished the regular season with five straight wins to make the playoffs.

The team trended positively off the ice, too. Small raised the Furies’ mandated fundraising goal of $65,000 solely off ticket sales. “I thought it was really important that the girls play in front of big crowds,” she explains. She had been planning on finding new sponsors in the offseason. In her view, everything was great.

Then everything changed on March 31, a seemingly normal Sunday morning.

The call did not seem out of the ordinary to Small and the other general managers. The group had weekly calls, and the season had ended just a week prior. “We were obviously speculating, ‘Maybe it’s a new sponsor coming in, or maybe it’s a different schedule, or maybe it’s something that just really needed to be done.’ Never in our wildest dreams did we speculate this,” she says.

“There was in my mind zero indication ... I even look back and I don’t see signs.” - Sami Jo Small, Toronto Furies general manager

The first sign of trouble was that interim commissioner Jayna Hefford was on the call, a rarity. “Jayna is never on the call. And so when Jayna was on the call and just her tone that she started with was very … ominous.”

Hefford, along with board of directors chair Laurel Walzak, handed down the stunning news: The Canadian Women’s Hockey League would cease operations in 29 days, citing an unsustainable business model.

After two more phone calls and a press release, nearly every one of the CWHL’s 150 players and hundreds of volunteers knew, along with the public, sending shockwaves across a sport that grew in popularity after the 2018 PyeongChang Olympics.

Everyone was left with the same question: How did this happen while no one knew?

From the outside, the 2018-19 season was great. The Clarkson Cup was broadcast on three channels across North America with more than 175,000 people watching, while 4,696 people packed the Coca-Cola Coliseum in Toronto.

“There was in my mind zero indication,” Small says. “A lot of times I kind of equate it to a breakup, you look back like, ‘I should have seen that minor issue or this sign.’ I even look back and I don’t see signs.”

Small’s team budget was never cut. She was never asked to slow down spending nor increase fundraising. “That’s what’s the strangest thing. At any point there was never an indication to spend less or bring in more.” Small had even started planning for the next season, talking to her current players and recruiting new ones.

Chelsea Purcell, a former player and second-year general manager of the Markham Thunder, echoes Small’s sentiments. Everything was business as usual for her, too, including the day-long general manager meetings held at the Clarkson Cup.

The five general managers spent the day before the championship game, eight days before the announcement, debriefing on the season. “We’re talking all like what we need to improve, what were big steps for next year to continue this movement of growing and how we can get to the next step,” Purcell says.

Purcell was preparing to leave the Thunder to become the league office’s head of strategic partnerships, a move that meant she had to quit her non-hockey day job, as well.

All the while, the board of directors knew that the league was going under.

“It’s not something that happens overnight,” Hefford says.

Hefford was named interim commissioner of the league on Aug. 1, 2018, after the only commissioner in the history of the league stepped down. She was tasked with performing the annual offseason audit ahead of the 2018-19 season, a short timeframe considering the puck typically dropped in early October, roughly two months later.

“When it was all said and done, we weren’t able to make up that revenue we needed, and then moving forward we felt like this was not the right model for the league to be sustainable,” Hefford says. “Our goal was to operate in a way that continued to grow the game, put a great product on the ice, provide the athletes with an environment that they were proud of, and I think we’re successful in doing all that.

“I think, as it came down to the last few weeks, we realized that we had some things to figure out.”

According to Walzak, the league wasn’t salvageable. “It was a very clear picture that our model — looking at our financials, looking at the future, looking at the funding sources today, the funding sources for the future — that we didn’t see that this was going to be viable any further.”

The board of directors came together to vote Friday, March 29. Of the 11 members, one was not present. The 10 members voted unanimously to cease league operations.

“This one point is critical,” Walzak stresses. “Financially, it was not viable, 100 percent financially not viable.”

It’s important to understand that, off the ice, the CWHL institutionally looks very little like a men’s professional league. A lack of resources, support, and infrastructure posed significant structural barriers that put the league in a compromised position from the very start.

Nearly everyone involved in the league— from the front office to the players — held full-time day jobs, even after the league began paying players for the 2016-17 season. Players signed with teams in locations where they could make a living, not where it best suited their playing careers or where they were traded. This led to powerhouse teams wherever national team-caliber players clustered in certain cities.

The staffs were small. Where there might be a ladder of five people in a men’s league, there was one person doing five jobs in the CWHL. For example, general managers like Small and Purcell handled not only the hiring of coaches and recruiting, but also day-to-day operations, like managing gameday staff and volunteers, and coordinating merchandise. In short, everyone pitched in everywhere.

Toronto Star via Getty Images

Former Toronto Furies goalie Sami Jo Small speaking with team equipment manager Patrick Farney in 2017.

Budgets were miniscule compared to the men’s leagues, as well. The entire CWHL had an operating budget of $3.4 million in 2018-19. In addition, each team was required to fundraise at least $65,000, a number that went up every season.

“It’s just like a chicken and an egg for me. We need more money and to get more money, we need more resources so we need more time,” Purcell says.

The North American teams were centrally owned by the league, which was operated by the Canadian Association for the Advancement of Amateur Women’s Hockey, a not-for-profit, tax-exempt organization. The league had been run by a board of directors, a group appointed yearly at the annual general meeting (AGM), and a board of governors, a loose group of people with clout or connections in the hockey industry that acted, roughly, as league advisors.

But for the 2018-19 season, the governance structure changed.

“One of the things that we talked about in years past and put actually in our strategic plan from last year to this year is to enhance organizational governance, something we wanted to do to overall professionalize our organization,” Walzak explains.

One way they tried to do so was by eliminating the board of governors, which included people such as Brian Burke, Mike Bartlett of Maple Leaf Sports and Entertainment, Cassie Campbell-Pascall, and venture capitalist and former Bauer chairman W. Graeme Roustan. “One of the things that was very clear was that a lot of board members were questioning ‘what is the role and what is the difference between the board of directors and the board of governors?’” Walzak adds.

The new Board was made up of 11 people who, as a unit, oversaw the “fiduciary responsibility and the overall corporate governance responsibility of the organization,” according to Walzak. The last iteration of the board of directors was voted in in late November 2018, and was made up of seven women and four men. Two former players sat on the board. As interim commissioner, Jayna Hefford also was on the board, but did not have a voting position.

According to Walzak, the decision to discontinue the board of governors was because of its loosely-defined role. “Because they [the governors] didn’t have the fiduciary responsibility that a board of directors in corporate governance does, they don’t have the same liabilities nor the same decision making as we do. So we decided to change the board of governors and remove that role completely and focus on building the board of directors, which is the board that is the one that has the governance responsibility.”

These changes appeared to have an effect that rippled all the way out to the eventual end of the league. For starters, seven of the 11 members were new to the CWHL board of directors. To Small, this was a bit unnerving because she had been so involved in the front office for so long.

“When Jayna [Hefford] came in and then a different board came in, I think all of a sudden I didn’t know what was happening on that end. But I didn’t really have time to think about that either. You’re so engrossed in your team,” she says. “I just trusted in the process, I trusted in who was in place. I just tried to do my best within my organization what was asked of me by the league. I felt like we did a good job of doing that and doing everything that they asked of us.”

While doing her audit, Hefford noticed the CWHL particularly needed help generating sponsorship. “Knowing our not-for-profit status, you can rely on donations, sponsorship, but they only take you so far. I think as the game started to grow and the league started to evolve and players get paid, the demand in those areas became much higher.”

Walzak echoes the same sentiment.

“You’ve got conversations throughout the year for the new year about the renewals, or about increasing their sponsorship, or any new sponsorship. And in some cases people weren’t prepared to give rights fees,” Walzak says.

“The answer was, ‘We’re also looking for a new model where we get a higher return on our investment. You and your current model doesn’t work.’”

Low regular-season attendance exacerbated the league’s problems. While the league never released attendance data, game streams showed a wide range in crowd sizes — from regular sellouts in Montreal, to fewer than 100 people per game in Worcester, Massachusetts. The league prided itself on keeping ticket prices low, with single game tickets usually priced around $15. Walzak says the pricing was “not sustainable” for growth.

According to Small, any issues with sponsors or low box office numbers were never communicated down to the general managers.

“Had I known that it was different, had I known it was eminent that these sponsors needed to get in — I mean I used to run the sponsorship for the CWHL, that was sort of my first tasks within when I used to sit on the board,” Small says, trailing off.

“I just felt like at some point they could have indicated to us and we could have helped. Maybe they didn’t know and maybe they didn’t have an idea of their financial scope until then, and that’s sort of what they have indicated to us. But yeah, it’s hard to not be asked. It’s hard to not be part of the process that — you know, we as general managers felt like we worked for the league. We could have assisted in some way.”

Michelle Jay

The Calgary Inferno celebrating with the Clarkson Cup in 2017.

Purcell agrees. The second-year general manager had extensive experience with sponsorship. She spearheaded the Thunder’s move from Brampton to Markham in the summer of 2017, partially because she had seen sponsorships dwindling. She also had seen a growth in sponsors in Markham during their first years in the city. She says that the CWHL’s financial issues were never brought to her attention either.

After joining the front office as the head of strategic partnerships in mid-January, she immediately jumped into meetings with sponsors and partners. Her focus was on selling March’s Clarkson Cup. “It was really tough because the biggest thing is that we wanted to bring in money — which, now seems like for obvious reasons — but we wanted to bring some big new partners on. The focus was all for next season.”

This focus shifted when, Purcell says, there was a realization that money needed to come in and fast — faster than she, and probably the league, realized. “But the thing was the money is never gonna come in [that fast]. We were setting up like we were going to be in a good place that we would have grown next year. That was the whole point in bringing me on was to increase a bunch of dollars.”

The move to cut the board of governors didn’t just impact sponsors, but also independent financial contributions. In the days just before the new board of directors was named, Roustan, the former Bauer chairman, publicly pulled his investment in the CWHL, citing a lack of transparency by the board of directors. Roustan was, according to the league’s governance page, the “most senior member of the CWHL leadership.”

“He resigned on the eve of the AGM,” Walzak says. “Thirty days earlier he was made aware that we were voting on this decision.”

Roustan declined to be interviewed for this piece.

In his letter announcing the withdrawal of his financial support, Roustan said he was told by “the past commissioner” that he was “the single biggest financial and other contributor to the CWHL since its formation.” His support of the league began shortly after the league was founded when Bauer, the company he chaired, became the league’s first corporate sponsor.

At the time, the CWHL asserted it was in a strong position. It announced its new 11-member board (with no acknowledgement of the dissolution of the board of governors) while downplaying his financial contributions.

“While the inaccurate statements and assumptions published give an impression that the CWHL may have difficulties in meeting its mandate in the future, nothing could be farther from the truth. The strength of the CWHL leadership is self-evident, and we have every confidence in the success of the CWHL in all future endeavours,” the league said in a press release.

And, according to financial documents obtained by The Athletic, the CWHL was in good shape. The Athletic reported that, as of November 2018, the league had an excess of $200,000.

“All of our stakeholders have worked very hard to grow this game and it has grown. That is critical. But we also can’t go backwards.” - Laurel Walzak, CWHL board of directors chair

But that figure perhaps doesn’t properly take into account the weight of the league’s most ambitious investment.

In the summer of 2017, the CWHL formally announced its largest expansion: two teams based in China — Kunlun Red Star WIH and the Vanke Rays — would join the league that season. Advertised as a “strategic plan by the Chinese government,” the goal of the teams was to help the Chinese National Team prepare for the 2022 Beijing Olympics. The teams would be owned by a Chinese corporation, not the league, that has a holding of men’s teams as well.

The Kunlun Red Stars paid an unnamed fee to have the women’s teams join the league, and also footed the bill for the North American teams traveling to and from China. According to SportsNet, the deal with China injected $1.5 million into the CWHL budget, raising the total to $3.7 million.

The deal seemed to be positive at the outset. “That funding allowed us to be able to start to pay the players and do a few new things,” Walzak says. “But that also caused, of course, the new expenses, new travel, and new risk.”

A few months after the Chinese teams were introduced, the league announced that, for the first time in its history, the players would be paid. Described as a stipend and not a salary, pay ranged from $2,000 to $10,000 for the whole season, depending on a player’s service time, with a cap of $100,000.

Expanding to China brought an influx of challenges, however. Each North American-based team spent a week in China during the season. While games in North America were almost always played on the weekends, accommodating full-time work schedules, intercontinental travel meant that players had to request time off their day jobs.

Conversely, the players on the two Chinese teams spent extensive time living out of suitcases and hockey bags in hotels while they traveled to Canada and Massachusetts to play.

According to players quoted in Kristen Rutherford’s retrospective for SportsNet, nearly every aspect of the China partnership was disorganized. Texts with updates on practices times would come at all hours. Plane tickets would show up only a day before players were set to leave the country. Before the 2018 season, the Rays folded into KRS, likely due to the teams’ large expenses and relative lack of talent.

Yet even with concerns about the China deal, it’s unclear how much it contributed to the CWHL’s collapse. Chief among the questions: Why did the league have to fully close rather than simply adjust its approach? And why right then, after 11 seasons and a budget expansion thanks to China, did it suddenly not work anymore?

“I think it’s funny that we last 10 years without China’s money, and then China comes in and it’s like you get a bunch of money, and all the budgets increase, and then that’s when you fail,” Purcell says, comparing the situation to when people get rich fast and spend their money too quickly.

VCG via Getty Images

Kelli Stack of the Kunlun Red Star WIH falling on the ice during a 2017 game against the Toronto Furies.

Walzak says the board explored all of its options to cut the budget, from shortening the schedule, to cutting roster sizes and the number of teams, to decreasing the player stipends.

“We would argue we’ve been hanging by a thread for 12 years,” Walzak says. “All of our stakeholders have worked very hard to grow this game and it has grown. That is critical. But we also can’t go backwards.”

The league left it at that. It was folding and the CWHL as it had stood for the last 12 years was gone. No one offered any suggestion for the future.

“I think that that’s what is disappointing in the way the CWHL did it, was to not have a thought for the transition process,” Small says. “It is in a way hurtful to us as general managers because a lot was placed on our shoulders. And I mean, we’re more than willing to work hard for that next iteration or whatever is to come out of this. It’s just that there is no indication from the CWHL what they think it should be. There is the mantra that the future is bright. I mean it is bright, but there are so many different options.”

The league may have been too preoccupied to think about an easy transition. The CWHL was apparently so deeply in debt, capital was needed to pay players salaries and close other accounts.

Within days of the announcement, the general managers were told to auction off all league-owned gear. To rub salt in the wound, the front office also had to auction off the end-of-season trophies.

The league was able to save some face at the very end. In its final public communication, the CWHL announced that seven of the 10 trophies would head to the Hockey Hall of Fame instead of private donors.

If there’s one positive to come from the story of the CWHL’s end, it’s that women’s hockey in Canada has gone through similar turmoil before.

The CWHL was founded in 2007 by a group of players after the original National Women’s Hockey League disbanded. And the CWHL’s progress isn’t lost on Small or Hefford, two of the women who were there at the beginning.

“It is just history repeating itself in a way,” Small says. “When we first started the league, we operated the entire league on $350,000 that first year, which is incredible. That’s now what each team operates on.

“Sometimes you think that one system is broken simply because there’s one aspect of it that breaks down. But the reality is that there’s a lot of great things about the CWHL that I hope the next iteration of a league takes a look at, utilizes, and then fixes what was broke.”

“We’re more than willing to work hard for that next iteration ... It’s just that there is no indication from the CWHL what they think it should be.” - Sami Jo Small

The league’s fan base was growing. Small points out that after Christmas, as the Furies made a hard push for the playoffs, they drew an average of 500 fans per game, up from their average of 200 before Christmas. The Clarkson Cup saw record numbers of fans attend and tune in on three different television stations.

The games were becoming more and more competitive, with the last playoff spot coming down to the final game of the season and multiple playoff games going to overtime. The teams were becoming smarter about their social media outreach, notably promoting the fact that so many CWHL players were appearing in international tournaments like Four Nations and the World Championship. The players were thinking about their life off the ice. The CWHL Players Association partnered with a marketing firm to help the players grow their personal brands.

Hefford sees the changes as a new beginning as well. “As sad as it is that this is the end of the CWHL, to me, it’s sort of another chapter in the history of the game.”

And, that next chapter has already started, with players once again leading the charge.

On May 2, the day after the official closing of the league, nearly 200 players announced they would be sitting out of any professional hockey league in North America. Soon after, the players officially created the Professional Women’s Hockey Players Association. They laid out goals for living wages, guaranteed health insurance, and an overall better league experience, and rallied around the hashtag #ForTheGame.

Toronto Star via Getty Images

Two Toronto Furies jerseys hanging in the locker room of the MasterCard Centre for Hockey Excellence in Toronto during a match against the Brampton Thunder in 2017.

Their message is clear: expanding the existing NWHL — a five-team professional league based in the US that is entering its fifth season — is not the right step for women’s hockey.

Founded by former college player Dani Rylan in 2015, the NWHL paid players from the start, billing itself as the first league to do so. Salaries initially ranged from $10,000 to $25,000, with the average near $15,000. But in its second season, the league slashed salaries by a reported 50 percent, and they’ve stayed low.

Since then, the NWHL has been working its way back into players’ trust and rebuilding its budget. This season, players’ salaries will range from $4,000 to $13,000. In addition, for the first time, players will receive “a 50 percent cut of all revenue from league-level sponsorships and media deals,” according to a May press release.

But playing in the NWHL still means playing hockey as a part-time job. Players practice late at night after working or attending graduate school. They travel on the weekends by bus or commercial flights with per diems smaller than the federal standard. Few teams have dedicated locker rooms. Resources are limited, especially when compared to the National Team or Division I college programs.

In short: the players don’t want to step right back into many of the same problems of the CWHL. They want more.

Where that more will come from is still unknown.

The NWHL seemed to acknowledge the criticism lodged against it in a May 30 press release, saying, “If any individuals or groups come forward and declare they are ready to start and invest in a new league where women can receive a substantial full-time salary and medical insurance, we would be ecstatic to have a conversation about a partnership or passing the torch.”

The prevailing hope is the NHL can step up, but league commissioner Gary Bettman has been hesitant to up its investment beyond the extra $100,000 it gave the CWHL to ensure that salaries could be paid out. On May 27, during a press conference at the Stanley Cup Finals, Bettman stated, according to ESPN reporter Emily Kaplan, that the NHL was “letting the dust settle before they decide whether to run a women’s hockey league.”

Many have also questioned where USA Hockey and Hockey Canada have been throughout this process.

The CWHL and NWHL provided year-round training for athletes in the pipeline or currently on the senior team. In recent seasons, they also have seemed to be a proving ground for players who may not have been on the National Team radar in college. Ann-Sophie Bettez played her way onto Canada’s Senior National Team after many successful seasons on the CWHL’s Les Canadiennes de Montreal. Hayley Scamurra did the same with Team USA after three strong seasons with the NWHL’s Buffalo Beauts.

An NHL-backed or federation-backed model isn’t new to women’s sports. The WNBA is backed by the NBA. The NWSL is partially funded by the U.S. Soccer Federation, including the league’s office expenses and the national team player salaries.

Hefford thinks women’s hockey could draw upon those examples for long-term success.

“There’s probably a few different models that could work but to me it’s really about some sort of infrastructure behind it,” she says. “I’m really optimistic for the future and the opportunities that are going to be out there for the players. There’s the emotional side and the disappointment and sadness that this league is over. But, in order to really trigger positive change, sometimes you have to go through the hard times.”

As someone who has gone down this road before, Small tried to impress on players the need to come together after that fateful phone call. But Small herself, as a general manager, will take a back seat. The six general managers are letting the players take the reins on the future of the game.

“I think that’s the hardest thing about right now. We are seen as the gatekeepers, as the general managers, and a lot of people come to us and heave presentations, ideas, have all these things for us,” Small says. “But ultimately, by the CWHL no longer operating, it has taken away, essentially, the power of the general manager in that there is no program. There is no team.”

Her work wasn’t done when the league closed, however. The CWHL still had more administrative tasks to complete. Small coordinated the selling of the Furies’ assets, from jerseys to leftover merchandise, to help the league recoup capital to pay players, staff, and creditors. There were still twice-weekly meetings or calls with the board of directors about final odds and ends. In the end, the people who truly helped make the CWHL great — the players, coaches, and general managers — were still the ones working overtime to make sure their jobs were done right.

“I think one of my saddest things about the league no longer in operations is that whatever iteration of a league is in the future, it just will never be this team again,” Small says. “It’ll never be those 25 players and those 25 staff. What we were starting to build was really exciting.”

[queenelsawestergaard]

Thank you so much, disneysfrozenguy-sama!

I saw I had been tagged by the sweet Alan-san for this quiz!

Rules: Answer the questions and tag 20 blogs you’d like to know better.

Star sign: Scorpio, but I’m right on the edge so I always like to think ‘Scorpittarius’ (Hee hee)

Height: 5′ 6″ (168cm)

Time right now: 12:30PM

Last thing googled: Disney’s Frozen Valentine Gift Set (Kristanna)

Favourite music artist: Santino Fontana, Kisho Taniyama, Il Volo, Carpenters, Bee Gees, Deanna Durbin, Disney Princesses

Last TV show watched: ‘Victoria’ BBC/PBS Series Ep 2

What I’m wearing right now: Disney Store Elsa 2 pc House/Night Set (Shorts & top)

When did I create my blog: ? (How do I find this information?)

What kind of stuff do I post about: Disney Princess Custom OOAK Dolls, Artwork & Helsa anything/everything

Do I have any other blogs: La Corda d’oro on tumblr

Do I get asks regularly: Hardly at all---maybe twice a month?

Why did I choose my url: This tumblr/blog is all about my love for Helsa and custom works of them. Since I’m obsessively coordinating in all I do, I almost always choose the Christian name of the heroine and the surname of her love as my ID/URL/email etc.

Pokemon team: I’m not into this series/don’t follow it but we have made many, many costumes, dolls and plushies from it!

Favourite colour(s): Royal Purple, Ice Blue, White, Lavender

Average hours of sleep: 8 hours I strive for, though it often doesn’t happen. :(

Favourite character(s): Hans Westergaard, Queen Elsa (Frozen) ; Prince Phillip, Princess Aurora (Sleeping Beauty); Tsukimori Len, Hino Kahoko (La Corda d’Oro 1 & 2); Chiaki Tohgane, Kohinata Kanade (La Corda d’Oro 3 & 4); Fujiwara no Takamichi, Fujihime (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De); Fujiwara no Yukitaka, Takakura Karin (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De 2); Arikawa Yuzuru, Kasuga Nozomi (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De 3); Katsuragi Oshihito, Ni no Hime (Harukanaru Toki no Naka De 4); Ikki, Rika (Amnesia); Seto Kaiba, Serenity Wheeler (Yu-Gi-Oh!); Trowa Barton, Cathrine Bloom (Gundam Wing); Taiki Kou/Star Maker, Setsuna Meiou/Pluto (Sailor Moon); Gambit, Rogue (X-Men); Fitzwilliam Darcy, Elizabeth Bennet (Pride & Prejudice); Alexander Mackenzie Campbell, Rose Campbell (8 Cousins/Rose in Bloom); Theodore Laurence, Amy March (Little Women, Little Men, Jos’ Boys); Gus Pike, Felicity King (Avonlea)  

Dream job: Singer, but I am also content and happy to be an artist, which I also love.

I don’t know if I can tag 20 people, but let’s give it a try!: @ribbonsandchocolate @love-disney-dolls @jg-omniaart @icestorming @pegotty​ @ilovestuff3​ @lisuli79​ @thawthefrozenheart​ @freudianslip-13​ @minnerida​ @jeremy-francois​ @tentsubasa​ @abchitit2me​ @avengerartist​ @kira-ani-mcgrath​ @mmdisney200​ @arianbutlerart​ @elsa-belle13 @frozenfractals12​ @popculturescholar​  @lagoona89​ @sportygoth​ @blue-pixiedust @bookishdruid

[feveredblurs]

❝ Never did come up with a cool name for that... ❞ mabel to jo

@apaise

“ well, we tried. but our ideas... weren’t great. ” granted, mabel had been the one behind every suggestion – but jo tries to lessen the blow with shared blame. she hadn’t really contributed with stellar ideas either, anyway. “ you don’t have to pick a spider-themed name... but it’s just confusing if it has to do with other animals. ” while cute, lady bee did not suit the kind of abilities mabel now had.

looking up from the sleeve she’s sewing ( after mabel had a near deadly encounter with a criminal ), jo studies her friend for a moment. for all that they joke about it, she knows how important this persona is to mabel. she’s noble, in a way that jo doesn’t always know how to voice. not everyone would use their newfound powers to help others – jo certainly wouldn’t burden herself with such a task.

someone as heroic as mabel deserved a proper alias.

“ how about... ” jo starts, humming as she tests out a name on her lips. “ spider... lady? lady spider? ” wow, those sound awful. “ madame spider? widow? ” hearing herself, she realizes how ill-suited the names are for mabel. she could never be associated with something so grim and threatening.

jo laughs, only slightly embarrassed as she returns her attention to her sewing. “ or maybe something less dark. ”

[feveredblurs]

“ fun day at work, huh ? ” mj to jo

@apaise

it takes a moment for mj’s question to fully sink in. since when was work ever fun? without mj around, anyway. it’s only when jo’s face scrunches in confusion that she understands what prompted such an observation. she had been smiling. not her usual polite smile to their patrons... but something more.

instantly, jo shakes her head to dismiss any conclusion mj may be jumping to. “ yeah, right. just a regular friday. ” the inquisitive look on the redhead’s face makes it very clear she is not buying it – and while jo doesn’t want to give her the satisfaction... it’s a hopeless effort now. “ fine. the mary janes stopped by earlier. ” she refuses to mention their vocalist by name, even if chrissy did spend the better part of that time talking to jo. “ they hung out for a bit and scheduled a gig for tomorrow night. ”

expression softens as she holds mj’s gaze. “ – gwen wasn’t with them. ” as she says it out loud, jo realizes she’s not sure whether that’s a good or a bad thing. maybe mj would be sad she just missed gwen... but would it be worse to know she hadn’t shown up at all? jo had overheard the band comment on gwen ghosting them regularly...

“ but i’m sure she’ll be here tomorrow! ” she’s quick to add. “ if you wanna stick around after your shift. ” 

[feveredblurs]

"How long have you played?" chrissy to jo

@apaise

for a fleeting moment, she’s almost excited to talk about her music experience. it’s a side of her life only cass and mj know, one jo keeps close to her heart... and she knows it should stay that way. with everything else going on in her life, music is not a priority. she can see it in chrissy’s expression – the curious glint in her eyes, the charming smile – that she genuinely wants to hear more about it, about her. that’s what makes it dangerous to give in.

“ not that long. ” jo offers a curt, vague answer to buffer chrissy’s enthusiasm. it’s not a lie, per se. she’s certain that if she added up her time spent practicing, it wouldn’t amount to much. it’s certainly not enough for her to make this a part-time thing. that’s what chrissy wants, isn’t it? cass had only suggested jo step in for a single performance... but from the way chrissy looked at her before, jo could tell she wanted something more of out it.

jo would be lying if she said there wasn’t a part of her that enjoyed it, too... but she could not commit to something so time-consuming.

“ it was an easy set – anyone could play that. ” she waves a dismissive hand as she goes back to drying glasses. with the bar closed for almost an hour now, everyone else has gone home. it’s just the two of them. “ i’m sure cass talked up my musical prowess. ” she was practically calling jo a prodigy earlier!

jo does her best at a smile, but it comes off lacking, resigned. “ but i haven’t practiced in ages. you guys were pretty good, though, ” she’s quick to change the subject, hoping chrissy will latch onto the compliment instead. “ the customers really liked it. ”